Kevin Ryan
Appearances
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, I'm just, you know. We went to dinner last night. He had lobster three ways. He had three different kinds of lobster. All right, listen.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Wait. Poached, fried, grilled. He had a lobster taco.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. You ordered the lobster taco. No, it's my fault. You ordered the other two types of lobster for yourself.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But that's the one place we do splurge. Food. Steakhouse. And we really, we don't go anything. It's typical. We'll go heavy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, it was just like, that's what, I mean.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
What the fuck is you're dropping that on me now, Tommy Buns?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That place was expensive.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That place was, that was a heavy bill.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It felt like we were in like a log cabin in the 80s. It was fucking, dude, the seats were ripped. It was fucking bad.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We probably shouldn't have been in there. I'm literally, I have this exact outfit on. I got a backwards hat on. Our producer's blind drunk, kicking shit, like falling into things. I was wearing a bathing suit. What? At Three Forks? We are who we are, Tommy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I'm pretty sure they thought we weren't going to be able to cover the check.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You guys were just animals? Yeah. We started day drinking at like two. Okay. We went to Cisco's and East Tech. Shout out to, I don't know if you've ever been to Cisco's. Great Mexican food.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We're like, let's have a beer here. The weather was nice. It was like 75. Let loose, man. It was our only off day.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Nine guys. Nine dudes. Nine dudes. Nice. So it was me, him, two openers, Sam and Tommy, a tour manager, and then the crew was three people and a producer. And a bus driver who hated our guts. We thought he was either deaf or didn't speak English for the first four days. And it turned out he just didn't like us.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We were a scene for that place. It's not like we had each other in headlocks and, you know, trying to put each other out or anything.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Quietly.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It would have buried us. Yeah, hometown. It's also, like, we got our, you know, I don't know if you know, like, Tommy Pope, Chris O'Connor, Gilly. And we always go to the game. Like, we always go to Philly's games or whatever big games together. And it was like... It was like rally the troops type thing. And I was like, I don't fucking know.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Also, we're going to have to pay for tickets like fucking schlubs. Oh, my God. I'm hitting up everybody. And I'm hitting up our agents. Like, you made us like $700 last year. Get out of here. They're like, we can get you into the party.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, no way. No. It was also very, like, the Philly mentality is, like, we don't win, like, we have to eke out weight. It's just very much, like, tooth and nail. And then to have that, you're like, what the fuck?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, wait. Maybe I'm thinking of something else.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I mean, probably a little bit, but nothing like. What did he not like about you? Just our faces.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We're his kind of guys. Do we have it on? We have us meeting him after the first night because he got there, parked the bus, and, you know, we went off to the venue. It was there in Chicago.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's fucking, I mean, like, I'm always shocked by coaches, like, as performers, you're like, how did you hit all of those notes perfect? Like, they build the emotion, and then it's like, how do they do that off the cuff is crazy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're sitting there. Where were you raised? Meanwhile, he's screaming at dudes that are like six, 14, 40.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And I get there. So like we go, we do the show. The bus calls, you know, it's like, you know, 2 a.m. or whatever. Like we go, we do the show, do the meet and greet, go out for beers and like something to eat. And we're coming back and he's there smoking a cig. I'm like, hi, I'm Kevin. Nice to meet you. He just put his hand out. No, like, no, just.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Shout out to the new queen of garbage.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I said, thanks for driving us, and he just fucking... Strong silent type.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
How much of that did you know?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Did you know that when you were, like, started there? Did that come out after, like, as you... Well, I think you know, yeah, you know little by little, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
She doesn't put all those cards on the table at the first date.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That was pre-Indian stepdad time. Pre-Indian stepdad. My Indian stepdad is the funniest sentence I've ever heard in my life.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
She said they were like shooting out windows and flattening tires and shit. That ice cream.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I think he said it had like 2.2 million miles. It was like crazy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's proper crazy. What is your role in that side of the family? Do you have or what are your experiences with them?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We got him off Airbnb. It was just an RV.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He was a Dominican guy from the neighborhood I live in. I live in a Dominican neighborhood in New York called Washington Heights. Yeah, he lives... He's from... And he's like, you fucking live there? I'm like, you're an idiot. He's like, I got out.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Shit. Those Eastern Europeans play by their own fucking rules.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's like so like, I was in an internment camp for fucking four years.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It was the most requested, longest awaited. We don't do episodes outside of the studio. We've turned down a lot of people of like...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
no just we're not doing it but there's a there's a special level but i was like we have to yeah you know yeah i'm not coming to new york i'm like i picked up on that over the past right and she had all the shit that i know would uh showed up from the emergency room oh yeah that's right josh she said they had to put we had to push it 30 minutes she's like she's she's at the emergency room right now yeah something something she's bleeding and i'm like the kid stabbed her what's going on over there we can cancel this
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
From what I mean, I've never met them. I love you and Christina. These kids, I hope I never meet. I hope by the time they're adults, they're in the correct facility.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Man.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. I mean, I've only... Yes. I mean, we were just talking about it. The story where, like, they ran through the construction site and, like, broke all the shit and, you know, you're just like... These kids, I mean, they... Little rascals. They sound like criminals, dude. Yeah, they do.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's got a past.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's not allowed in Canada, we found out. He's got a pass.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's on their own.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it sounds... Wild. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It was the same thing with me and my brother. It was lawless. My mom was a single mom. My dad was split custody. So it was like... I mean, at one point they were like, we weren't allowed home alone together. I just like stay after school because we would just fist fight.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, just like a New York Dominican guy. Yeah, I got you. And what really broke him is... We were, you know, we pulled over and we had a drone flying above us like we were pulling into a town. Like the production guys were like, yo, pull over. So they throw the drone up and we're cruising. He's cruising. And then they hit a fucking power line with the... And it fucking just...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're like, all the stuff you have going on, you're worried about paint. It's like, yeah, of course.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Bad. We did the same thing, but we... It was when Starter Jackets hit. Early 90s. Hot. My brother, same thing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Four years older than me. And he was a... My brother's a fucking... Loose cat. Especially as a kid, he was a fucking lunatic.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So he, same thing, he'd come upstairs, go back all the way into the deep, behind the closet, behind the clothes, starter jackets. And my mom's in the kitchen and we walk, he's like, let's go downstairs with them on. I remember being like, this ain't a good, I was like six. I'm like, I don't know. He's like, look at this. Look what I found, mom. She's like, you fucking, like just broke down.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
First time I ever heard her say fuck, she said, you ruined fucking Christmas. Yeah. And I was like, all right, let's go to Dad's for a couple of days.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's what boys do.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. It's tough. I mean, like, I look back at, like, what we did. And also, because they were divorced, I was like... He would just be a dick to my mom. Like, no, you just, you know, you're like a boy. You're like, I'll do whatever the fuck. There's no father figure in the house.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
blew up, it fell on the ground, got ran over, and he thought that was the funniest thing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Good kid.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's walking around like Henry Hill.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Meanwhile, it was like a $15,000 loss for us. And he's like, ha, ha, thing, a truck hit it, then a car hit it, then a truck hit it. I'm like, dude, we get it, all right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got... You bought two.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He bought two. Oh, yeah. I bought two. Well, that car. So I had a Kia. That got stolen by the Kia boys. Shout out to the Kia boys. Shout out Kia boys. That got stolen. So I bought a used Mercedes from Carvana that I'm pretty sure was in a flood. Okay. A little swampy. A little musty. Okay. But the way I look at it is, like, I've never had a nice car. I've always had you.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Sure, yeah, it sucks.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The first new car I ever had was a Kia. Before that, I had, like, a Mercury Montego. And before that, I had a Chevy Lumina. I actually had three Chevy Luminas. I kept crashing them. But they were, like, 800 bucks at the time.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's going on YouTube. We're not even selling it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So I would crash them, and then... or they break or whatever, and then my mom would be like, well, I can give you 400 bucks to a new Lumina, and I just had to come up with another 400, so we just kept replacing Luminas with Luminas, and so then I bought a Lumina. I thought, you know, because people buy nice cars, and I'm not like a car guy by any means. You smoke cigs in there, too.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, you got it. It's a fucking, it's a car. It's a 95 Chevy Lumina, dude. You know, put a little 50 cent and relive it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It cost me eight grand to buy a 1995 Chevy. How's it running? Uh, it wouldn't, it wouldn't get out of reverse last time I, yeah, that's it. I got a, I got like a powder blue one of those.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Nah, so it's not, it's not inspected.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Uh-huh. Like, everything that kind of could, in a good way of, like, it's very us. Like, so much shit just...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Moving forward, baby. So yeah, that was a big thing for my childhood, though. I just was like, that will be cool. I just want to zip around with my boys. And then do you do any type of saving? I do. The one thing I was able to do, well, I bought a house. Oh. I bought a house in the suburbs. A little fixer-upper. Okay.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That'll be like the plan to get out of the city at some point, because the city is fucking...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
yeah going to shit dude is it crazy why currently in my neighborhood actively for like three weeks four weeks now there's a guy just running around taunting women is the word taunting just like you bitch i'll fucking kill you and then like scaring away don't you know and the cops are like we can't do anything yeah you're allowed to say that you're allowed to say like you know what i mean like you're allowed to tell a baby you're gonna kill it and that's what he's doing uh cool
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So they can't arrest him, so he's just wandering around doing that. Okay. So the plan would be in a couple of years, start spending more time in the burbs. I like it. So I've been able to... I ain't going anywhere. It's funny because it's... For a long time. He's jammed up. They're a sponsor, but Acorns. Shout out to them. I downloaded that. I'm just as bad as money with him. Okay.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I shit my pants. You shit your pants? Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The way I look at it, I've spent every dollar I've ever made. Yeah. Up until like...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
two years ago i was gonna say not now right now you don't spend every two years ago i had to clean up i we were it was tag it was taxes we were just because i was still running the books at the time which we got above i'm pretty good but it got above my pay grade yeah and we were it was coming in and i'm just going here take half i'll take half we'll figure this out next year
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. On five different cameras and tried to hide it, which is the most insane.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, we took that out of our control. Great. So he doesn't. He's doing that. That's new. So that's this year. This year is the first year I don't have to kind of wipe out my savings to pay taxes.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, he's going to have to tap into it like six years.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, when I'm 88, I'll have a couple of mil. He looks at that because they give you, if you keep contributing this, it'll be whatever. Look.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
This guy's all right, huh? Yeah, I mean, you know, just, yeah, we'll be all right. Yeah. I think. You will be.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I trust my guy. I think, but blindly.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I just know he uses other guy. Like me. It's my friend's guy. Like he's the best. Our peers guy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
If you have a good listen, he's not going to be stealing 10 grand for me. He's going to be stealing that guy's 10.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got access to the, I'm so nuts. I got access to, so we moved banks to like, you know, they move it to like, they don't use TD Bank. Right. They go to fucking, they go to rich guy banks that don't have storefronts, which is shady to begin with. Okay. I used to work for very wealthy, rich families, and they were all, it's like Sterling Bank or fucking, you know, all these things.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're like, where's that? Well, yeah, give me an ATM card, cocksucker. Let me go get my cash.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, I have access to the... I have a login to the account. Okay, but then also... But I'm so nuts, I think they might make that up. No, no, they're not making it up. They're not making it up. I'm crazy, though. In my head, I'm like, if I was robbing you, I would go make a fake fucking landing page that says he has this much money and make a list of transactions.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Do you have any non-revolving debt? Do you have any longer-term debt? What's non-revolving? Like, that's not due at the end of every month. See, I know that revolving debt.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Like, a car loan isn't revolving debt. I got a lease.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got my rent.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Just because New York had... So crazy. Just running the scenarios, because he's like, these are the stuff you need to think about. Yeah. So I go, what would that look like? And he's sending it back. He's like, send me one you like. What's that? A very modest, one or two bedroom, you know, really like a one and a half bedroom. And what did it look like?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, he's like, well, scenario one, you put this one down, and this is what you're left with, like...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
like this is what you're left with yeah and this is what you're left with and this is what you're left with and then they all three of them were in the red yeah like he'd be like you'd be left with negative twenty five thousand dollars okay and i i didn't involve you well yeah but here's the thing he doesn't think but like i have money in like an eight like a retirement account i'm like well let's cash that out and buy a house no no no no yeah let's see rich guys don't think like that what do you mean don't do that no i didn't shake it up i shake it up
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got to give it to him. I thought it was going to be a clusterfuck. Yeah. He's never planned anything really for... The tours, the show, like, you know, he's... Which I didn't really plan any of it. Sure, but I'm just like, this guy can't book flights. Like, how is this all going to go off without a hitch, you know? And I mean, dude, we got there, say the ceremony was whatever, 4 to 4.20, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then at the end, you go and get a drink, a little 10 minutes of cocktail hour. Former lieutenant governor did the wedding, had a nice quartet. Sun starts going down. Greeting drinks. You see the sunset perfectly hit the horizon. 15 minute. Yeah. Everybody's got to pay for that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Shit. Yeah. I told you briefly. I walked in. I went, who the fuck is paying for this? It's crazy. Yeah. It was. You aren't that kid. I know. That's incredible. He's going to have me work until I'm fucking 70. Yeah. He keeps going. We need a big year. We need a big year.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He was in, we get like a monthly... Check, like deposit.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You know, we'll take the rent and pay all the other stuff. Dude, it was like November. He's like, can I get December and January as well? There's something of good faith.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He was working with it. He's like, what do you need? We can, like the business managers, we can figure this out. You know what I mean? I'm not going to let you be bouncing checks in fucking Honolulu.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I came in for, like, 55 hours.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
underwear away. Yeah, I had to get rid of the underwear. Didn't break the upper atmosphere. He kept the shorts on, though, for the rest of the day, which is a wild choice.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Also, another thing. What are we doing here? The one thing we want to do is we want to buy. We're like, let's buy a conversion. Do you have an Acorns account? You want to buy what? A conversion van. Because that's a trashy thing. So we're like, all right. So you start looking. Those things ain't cheap. They're like 80 grand. Nice, though. So I run that by the business manager. Oh, yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And he's like, absolutely not. He's like, you got to insure this thing. You got to put it in a garage in New York. I'm like, yeah, but like, we'll just pay a guy to drive us the whole drive to Pittsburgh. Yeah, we'll land in Pittsburgh because we do like strings of one nighters. Yes. You know what I mean? Like clubs on the weekend, theaters on the weekend. So it's like we're out for a week.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're paying Sprint. I'm like, this guy, I'll just get my buddy Ryan to just drive us around the Midwest. And he's like, saving that in Ubers and shit. He's like, dude, there's no way this will ever financially make sense. He's like, you're going out on the road 30 cities next year, right? I'm like, yeah, sure. He's like, that means you use it one month out of 12 months.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's got captain's chairs. Yeah, which is nice, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Got a TV in it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, we're doing it. Against his better judgment.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, we're going to buy it this week. So he's like, well, at least. It'll be with us in Pontiac, Michigan on March 8th. Yeah, exactly. So he's like. Is that the first gig? Yeah. Dude, we literally have our idiot friend. He's like, this sounds like the best. I'll leave two days early and I'll meet you. I'll pick up an airport. How much is the van? Well, we haven't got it yet, but they're about 80.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's going to be a car payment. A car payment a month.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I don't know. So that's why I was talking to the business manager. Not that. No, it's a GMC Sierra. What are we, nerds? We're not zipping around in that. Savannah, right there. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it's all leather, and it's got captain's chairs, TV, speaker, the whole nine. Radio AC.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But the one thing is, you know you travel a lot.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're in different cars. All the time. And I go, if that's just our car for the Midwest to the East Coast, and that's just what we're in all the time, that's nuts. It's like a home away from home.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We'll do like... We'll get like a sprinter or something. We're like, oh, we're going like three hours between cities. It's like, just get a sprinter. And those guys, you go, hey, can you slow down? That's another thing that happens. It's so... They're like, we're all looking. Then we're going... You tell him. You say it. And it's like, we're like afraid to be like, buddy. I know.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then they go, no, no, no. It's that guy's fault. I'm doing a speed limit. I'm like, you're doing 90.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
After 15 minutes of being in the car, he's like, I got to stop and get gas. I'm like, what the hell's going on here?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And so my thing is like, hey, we got a driver that we know and can trust and can communicate with. Yes. We know what kind of car we're in. Your friend will do this? Yeah, he's nuts. Chomping at the bit. He goes, he's like, that sounds like the coolest thing in the world. Yeah, conversion van. It's the boys. The boys are fucking, you know. How many people travel in the van? It's getting more.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's getting more. It's getting more and more, dude. Yeah, so we go. It'll be six of us. Okay. Yeah. It'll be six of us. Two producers. It'll be me, him, a producer.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's like you also landed six guys. You're like, we got to rent a car for a week or whatever. It's just, you know, I'm trying to sell it. It doesn't make sense financially, but it's fun.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We kind of made an oath of like, Let's just spend money on being stupid and fun.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We'd be stupid to have a 401k. Let's get a fucking GMC Sienna. There you go. I wouldn't even know how to go about that. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
$29 a clip per person. More.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I didn't fucking apply for this. But we try to explain to them that that's a positive to them. They go, he answered. You were one in 5,000 that answered. So they're going to go, this fucking fat idiot's going to give up at some point. He's going to be behind the eight ball and go, you can get me 10 grand today? All right, I'll do it. And this guy likes to swipe.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's a unique guy on a bus to live with. for that nine guys. He'll just be like, you come in, he's like sitting in your bunk and I'm like, dude, get your proven shitty ass off of my bed. Like that's, you have like, we, we, I put my shoes on. So wait.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's the only guy just like his luggage is out and open in the galley.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But I wasn't sure yet.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Because we have the two-finger dab, and then the... But I wasn't sure, because you know sometimes it feels like, is it wet down there, and you go...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
All on camera, dude. I didn't realize that. And then he goes, you think they got a bathroom in there? I mean, this poor mechanic shop, it was a family-owned mechanic shop in Arizona.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Their livelihood is in the line. He's just like got a pair of shitty underwear and a brown ass on him.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That was sad. Our producer comes up to me at lunch, and he's like, dude, I have something that I probably shouldn't. I'm like, if it's in the world of comedy, if we can get laughs out of this, you have to tell me. I didn't think it was very funny. And he's like, Foley, I'm pretty sure Foley shit himself. I'm like, when? He's like, an hour ago. So I'm like, well, we haven't changed. We haven't shot.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The bus is up on a jack. I was on the bus eating Cheez-Its at the time when this was all going on. We get back. So he's sitting there eating, snacking away. And I'm like, what? We're on the road. Because at this point, we're like, meanwhile, it's just the duality of the dichotomy of the show. He actively has fecal matter in his underwear. Allegedly. And I'm like, can we get to Sprinter Van?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We have to still get six hours to a show. Yeah. That has to go. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're behind the eight ball. I'm like, we're calling rental car. They're like, no, you can't return the car to another location. We're just trying to figure out. We're like, can we get a plant? Like anything we can do. They were all handling that. I had another.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And he's like, you think they had a bathroom in here? And I'm like, dude, what the fuck? So then we finally the reveal. We slow. We slow roll. It just so happened like we would do on a pot. I'm like, what happened at the mechanic shop? And he's like. Oh, like he thought the service was great. Are you still downplaying it? I said, and I'm like, do you want to get out in front of this?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Or like, cause I, I know what happened. And it's, it was just like a lie. Until they got you on camera.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it was very, like, through the bus, I mean, because we are just dirtbags. We just did this ourselves. I just started calling bus rental places, and I'm like, can we have a bus? They're like, sure. But we got a bus from like 1981, maybe.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
keep my hands on the wheel i don't answer oh my god so that's in the doc though that's all in there yeah i mean i wanted that just to be the doc i'm like fuck the comedy ass yeah at least this that's the best part of it yeah yeah that's gonna be the highlight of it was the way it was shot and the way the editor did it and like look back and like i mean because we have so many angles of it that i'm like this is the maybe the funniest thing i've ever been a part of
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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You guys are going to be one of those couples that gets divorced and remarried like three times. Just like the house. Just do it. Get in a fight. Go down to City Hall. I'm addicted to losing and getting it back. That's where the rush comes.
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There'd be a couple jeans, a couple of mesh shirts. Sterno trays, meatballs. You got a gap button down that's oversized. Still tags on it. And some Carhartt boots. Someone's going to have a pair of khakis that say, like, 3230 still on the back. He's going to be doing a Macarena with the tag on.
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But like Yanni, Yanni, classier, a little classier guy. I mean, we weren't tight at the time. I've seen the pictures.
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Yeah. I didn't know that. That was like Long Island Royalty you did. Big time. And he would do Fran Lee's catering hall down on fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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Listen. Brace tax. You want to get these broads off your back? You want your ma to stop calling you and nagging you? I never see you. I never hear from you. Blah, blah, blah. Hit them with an aura frame. They don't want the tie or the calendar or whatever. Get them an aura frame. Aura frame. And then you don't even have to be there. It's like you're talking to them. You just upload a pic.
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Oh, here we are. We're at the zoo. That grandma ain't got to come to the zoo. You got to pay that for that old bird. Plus, she likes your chicken tendies or whatever. Sure. You're saving money this way. Plus, the technology will blow their... brain. They wonder what's going on.
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Uh-huh. Right now, you can save the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com for a limited time. Listeners get $20 off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with the code GARBAGE. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code GARBAGE. Do it.
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Yeah, it's clinically proven solution designed to help you regrow hair with 282 lasers and LEDs, delivering light therapy directly to your scalp. Think of it as a rejuvenating treatment for your hair follicles, giving you a new look for the spring season, baby. That's what we're talking about. Listen, there's no... There's no beating around the bush.
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I've been struggling with hair loss for a long time. I wish I took care of it earlier. I did not. And now, so listen, guys, if you're out there and you're struggling a little bit, you're seeing a little bit, get on it now with iRestore.
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I don't like the disrespect you're throwing at me or the table or my decorating decision. Derek Jeter wouldn't act like this. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, hoity-toity fucking Alonka Castle. You didn't pull this thing off the street? No. What are you talking about?
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Bob's, with that stuff, I've bought a lot of discount furniture. You walk in, you look at something, you go, what's your zip code? You go, hey, enough with the questions. I'm just here looking. They go, it looks good, it holds good price, but then after like Three months. Yeah, it falls apart.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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I saw you guys had a bad day. I just got out of the hospital.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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You do need a young. So listen, I have, I have been a big fan of history. It is a great podcast. Your hiatus. Definitely helped propel our career. A history hiatus. Shout out to a lot of Patreon funds cleared up when you guys went out.
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That's a guy whose wife dressed him. Put on your boots. He's got his brand new car art boots on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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Which they did. Shout out to you. Shout it out. A lot of crossover fans. But you do... Very much as he needs a kippy, you need a, you need someone, you gotta be on a short rope. And Yanni's that, Yanni understands another New York kid.
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I won't do it. I guess they don't mind because they'll go, we'll have a local showcase at 930.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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What you don't know about it, he took off his Birkenstocks to produce the podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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If you got three blades of grass, you call it the country. I'm out there. It's like you're working the fields.
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Dude, I told a kid, the most New York thing I ever heard, I told a kid we went up to, like, we went up, like, on a hike outside of, you know, I don't know, like, two hours up. And the kid asked me if we took the one train there. I was like, dude, it's a fucking mountain.
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That's back door or mini garage shit, whatever you want to do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
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It's like Chinatown, buddy. I do agree. I mean, I get that in the front yard seems normal. You'd be like, oh, it is more community. Hey, I'm out here. I'm waving. How you doing? You're passing by. Because in the backyard, it's very by yourself. But that's what the suburbs are. Hide your... Hide your seek of.
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I bought my first car ever. It was a Chevy Lumina, a 1995 Chevy Lumina. Shout out to Chevy Lumina. Shout out to Lumina. I bought it again. I just wanted to buy my first car. I think it's funny when people get money, they buy Porsches and stuff.
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No. There's a certain... Also, I don't roll in a circle where I can pull up in a Porsche. No, I've seen old pictures of you. One of my cousins would steal it. I've seen old pictures of you.
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Yeah. But I bought, so now I'm at my house in the Burbs. Nice joint, you know what I mean? Yes. And neighbor, neighbor's a very nice, very nice, very big home. Neighbor does. Very stereotypical suburban family. You know what I mean? Guy's a doctor. She's a, you know, home. Stays at home. But she's in very good shape. Very, you know, pretty lady. And I pull up. I'm like, I get the car.
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And it's a fucking proper piece of shit. And now it's just got to live in the driveway.
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Yeah, it's a tough look. And she's like, oh, what's that? She walked out, and I'm like, I bought the first car I ever had, kind of sentimental, you know, like kind of a bit, you know, having fun. She went, oh. She's like. She's got it backed in like a psychopath. She went, looks expensive, and walking closed the door. And I was like, oh.
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Well, now I get she knows there's just going to be a piece of shit car parked next to her house.
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And Chrissy, you can move in. We could be neighbors. A little bit of news. I'm also going to be spending more time down there this summer because my wife is expecting a trial. Oh, congratulations. Believe this guy. So the idea. How far along is she? Fucking leaving me high and dry up here. Four months. Congrats, man.
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So we're going to be, the idea is, because we have the apartment here, but with the space and just everything is easier in the Burbs because it's bigger. Of course. Is we're going to go there, and then I go, that might be... The last – I don't know if we're ever going to come back and spend more time here. What's the drive?
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One hour is nothing. Yeah, once I see myself living there as much, I go – What the fuck am I going to go back to a one-bedroom Washington Heights for?
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You could just keep that. Yeah, get your head out of your ass. Or at least get some hookers. I mean, I could also just get a nicer hotel. I don't need to go to a fucking 270 street. Get some hookers.
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No way. I can't do it. How did you know the feedback of the pool in the front yard? Did somebody go, hey, you can't be doing that? Because Verzi's up there. Then Verzi goes, buddy, you can't be doing that. You should have talked to Paul Verzi about that.
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Yeah, it's off to the side of the door. Is there snow on the ground? Dude, it's 55 yesterday.
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That's what they said when I had cirrhosis of the liver. You don't listen to these quacks. That's a queen's doctor, though.
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Do you think that was a subtle jab at the poppers? He's trying to do you a favor.
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Gotcha. Oh, you can't have the pool in the front? No. It does make sense. It is more communal. I get that. If you're going to hang out, you want to see how they're paying. You know, and Sally, Demi, the whole nine yards. Yeah. You got to do that in the backyard. That's a backyard thing. All right.
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Yeah. Shit. Above-ground pools are the trashier pool versus an in-ground pool. But you avoid the taxes. You look at the price point on them things and how quickly they can be up and running. And the water's cooler and fresher. It makes so much fucking sense. And if you get a guy to build a nice deck around it.
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I did that. Don't worry. That ain't you. You're 190 pounds. I chipped away at it.
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They help us keep the lights on at the infancy stage of AYG. We wouldn't be able to do it without them. All plugging aside. All plugging aside. They're real ones. Shout out to Rob at the owner. He's a real one.
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If you're not familiar, they have a dual pouch design that keeps everything in one place. They got one for the wiener, one for the berries, the whole nine yards. You can mix and match. You can do whatever you want. Listen, this is the first time I was like, ah, man, if you spend a couple extra bucks, you get a significantly better product. Nice stuff.
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You put these on, you're not going to want to go back to regular underwear. It changes your day, whether you're at the gym, your work, whatever. I mean, listen, you can wear these things for two, three days at a time. They're fan-freaking-tastic. But don't take our word for it. Join the thousands of satisfied customers who have made the switch to Sheath. Head over to sheath.com.
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Use the promo code garbage to save 20% off your first order and upgrade your underwear game today. Do it. Kip, we've got to talk about Factor.
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Because they're that good. Big man's got a control problem. Don't blame Factor. Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietician approved, ready to heat, like the big man said, two minutes. You can throw them in the microwave. I like to be a little chef myself, put them in a pan, frying pan. Heat it up. How you doing? Shout out to the shredded chicken taco bowl.
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Got me through a lot of hard, lonely nights. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared. Perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. You can lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto Meals based on a randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto. Results will vary, obviously, depending on diet and exercise. They fill you up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
This kid's all, he calls me. I buy a house. We start talking. How's the house going? I go, great. He goes. Best decision you could ever make. Next text right away goes, I sold my house. I'm going back to the apartment.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They seem so nice. Like the house in, which I think is in, I just saw a thing on Long Island. I think it's from, what is it, Meet the Fuckers? No, what's the, Meet the Parents. Yeah. In that one where they're, I don't know if you remember. Oh, that house? That house, that's on Long Island. But that's that old, like, 70s, an indoor pool. You got some chairs around it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I guess if you're rich, you don't got to work all day. You can just hop in there in the morning. The mold factor, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I'm not quoting any medical doctor. Also, you could have just said doctor. The fact that you're going medical doctor means the qualifications are a little sketchy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
She's in the passenger seat. She's got her seatbelt on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
What? Is there a picture of Yanni with a candle in front of it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
All right, let's say you're at a pizza shop, you know, in the neighborhood joint, and you want a slice of pepperoni. Do you point at the slice? Is it okay to call out the slice you want and go, give me that slice? Yeah. Are you okay with that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
We say, well, in Philly, I grew up as plain. You know, you get a plain. Slice a plain. That's what it was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
No. Chrissy Pizza, shout out to them. a buddy of ours now but a fan of the show originally how we introduced an artist he started off making them during the pandemic in his apartment in Queens Action Bronson somehow he made some buzz Action Bronson found him made it and now he like blew up and he's got his own joint out there shout out Chrissy's Pizza boys you will love it Chrissy, hit them up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You hit up Chrissy and he'll go. Chrissy pizza. He'll go, hey, it's very, he'll be like, I can get you, you got to come pick it up at three. No slices. That's their thing. No slices. Pies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
He does three or four different kinds of pies. Looks good. They're great. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I just did it. You got to go in. You say, hey, I'm picking up for Chris or whoever. Like the whole call in or the whole be there. You got to take care of the staff. Boom, hit the staff. Yeah. And I'm heavy. You got to hit him? No, we grease him. You grease them a little bit so they give you the pizza. I grease everybody. I grease them. Hey, I got a taxi. You don't have to do that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
It's also a hookup. There's like a three-hour wait. Oh. And I get it. He texted me, just go. Your pies will be ready right at three. Oh, okay. I thought, like, in a tip jar. He went there once. He's actually Joe Pesci.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I got one. You're on a one-way street. You're trying to parallel park. You're having trouble. You're blocking traffic. How many attempts?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
He also memorizes all the license plates on the block, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
There's also the thing, Joe, you get in, even if you're not fully in, just get in enough to the traffic can pass, and then you can take another shot. Sometimes I've left it like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
The guy could do it, yeah. Dude, I watched a bus going down Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn. It was so tight. It was so tight, and there was an ambulance double parked or something, and he inched, inched, inched. He pulled, he reads out, he's pulling them both mirrors in. I believe it. Inching, bus full of people, inching, inching, inching.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Gets through the whole block as he was watching, and everybody just went. Clapping. I know it. That's the most New York shit I've ever seen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You ride it out. I call it applying pressure. If I see them waiting to get into a spot, and I know it's tight, and I don't think they got the chance, if I think it's a Yanni in front of me, I'll fucking pull up and wait behind you. I'll go, let's see. You got eyes on you? Apply some fuck. Put the heat in the kitchen on you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I don't think she ever- Do you guys live in that apartment where the studio is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They just never – I mean, the one thing that we talk about now is like I have a spot now because my car got stolen, so I'll do a spot. I have like a garage. But before, I would have to – me and my wife, we'd get back from wherever we were – And then I'd start looking for parking. And, like, I just have memorized the spots and the best way to go around my neighborhood to look for the spots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And she'd be like, we'd be pulling up on this. It's, like, clearly a fire hydrant. It's been a fire hydrant for fucking six years we've been living there. And she's like, oh, right here, right here. And I'm like, lady, you got to get out of the car. This is a man's job. I can't do this with you. You're calling out bad spots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Sure. Shout out to Kia Boys. Where did it get taken from?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You know the Kia Boys? No. No? No. They'd be right up your alley. There's a defect in Kias and Hyundais that they can just start it with an iPhone and a USB cable. So that's what they do. They just steal them. We found the kids. I got in the back of the cop car. We drove to the fucking... They were like, oh, it might be down here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They tracked it because they drive by and take pictures of all the parked cars. So I gave my license plate. They're like, oh, this is under the GWB. So the cop was like, hop in. So I just got in the back. We drove and there was four kids. They were like smoking like, you know, K2 something. They're all just in there all fucked up. They were 13 to 16. So you got your car back then?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, which is nuts. They just go. They didn't even break it. They didn't do anything to it. No, they smashed the windows. They're just in there just fucking around. Did they get arrested? The cops arrest them? Yeah. Two kids got out the back. They got to, and they were like, they'll be out today. They're like, they're minors. These aren't enforceable charges. They'll be out today.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's what it is. But they just go, that's your car. Yeah. On the side of the road, windows smashed, everything. We check it for guns. If there's no guns, it's yours. So you have to just drive it home with the windows smashed. I had to jump my car with a fucking screwdriver and drive it and then go find parking. You didn't miss your spot. You still showed up at New York Comedy Club for your APM.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
The girl was like, I don't want you guys here. I had that happen. The Mummers Parade, a very famed, trashy thing in Philadelphia. Guy just, we're in the streets. Everybody's partying in the streets. Dex a girl. We turn around. She's on the ground crying. We run over, rip him up, throw him up against the fucking wall. There's like five of us. And she starts ripping us off. I deserved it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I deserved it. That's Philly. We were not fixing this. Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's when they turn on you. Then it's them two versus you. You're like, I can't help this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, of course. It's nuts. But that's what cops say. They're like, the worst ones are the domestic disputes. They both turn on you. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You have a famous offend me with the mayo. He goes to the subway guy, offend me with the mayo. That's how I tell him. That's how I let him know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Okay. Huh. This one's not New Yorker, but I just did this the other day and I didn't feel great about it. Oh, this is back to parking. Have you ever saved a spot? Like say there's a spot out front of the house and your wife's like, I'll be there in two minutes. Will you stand there and go? No. Tell me. Now my buddy's coming around the block.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You're a firefighter's wife. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Exactly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I'll pay a minimum wage for this. You know what, dude? That's such a derp. No one gets to park.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And then you can still go. You can go. Even if they catch you, they go to pull you over, you go, it's my right to fucking press the gas. The other day... OJ Simpson this fucking day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That sometimes throws him. I got pulled over one time, and I was cooking, doing like 80 in a 55. It had to drop down. I didn't know. And he goes, you know why I pulled you over? I'm like, yeah, I was fucking flying, man. I didn't see it go down. He goes... Yeah. I was like, yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'll take just give me the ticket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Like, there's no it's like, oh, you know, I was not going to you're not going to tap dance. Fair fight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And you go, you get out and you go, whoo, man, never doing that again. Then you do it again. You go, what the?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Whatever. If you're leaving the bar with a lady, you're going back to your house, obviously. I used to. I used to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That guy's in his own apartment. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Suck my stick. You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Merch. The new merch coming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I got one that's not. I just happened to this. I didn't feel right doing it. I was on a plane. The plane was getting ready to take off. They're still loading in. I'm sitting there. Is it rude? Bounces off everybody in the room. Is it rude to take a phone call then? While you're like sitting there. You're not waiting to take off. It's boarding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Kali T called me. We were hamming it up a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
No. You put it in your ear. I know, but I was sitting next to somebody who wasn't you. Who was she? You have to watch your, I don't know. It's a more quieter time. Yeah. More solemn time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You got it. And then when you land, do you FaceTime against it so they can clap because the plane landed? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
The buses, we've done buses. You really give a lot of that power to the driver. Yeah. Middle of the night, he's driving through the Smoky Mountains or something. I'm okay with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Nah, he's out. I prefer him to sleep because he's noisier awake. Especially if he's got a couple in him and I don't have a couple in me, he is a tough hang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Guys, we're on the road as well. Get your tickets. Back on the block tour at rugarbage.com. We'll see yous out there. And also check out the Route 66 special on the YouTube page. We love yous. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Talk about a tough hang. New Chrissy's a tough hang. I don't like this RFK poking his nose around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Chrissy's the king of new things. Every time I see him, he's got a new thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
So you think if it's closer than five, if it's two feet, you're going to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Up high Westerns like Yanni or down low Westerns? We went all over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah. But you're going to get the house back, probably going to pay more than you sold it for.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You got to think this interest rate's coming at about 7%. 100 grand?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, and the Back on the Block tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac, Michigan, March 8th. March 11th, Milwaukee Improv. And then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Fillmore. Get your tickets on eBarbers.com. We'll see you there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Hey, what's up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now full video available on Spotify. Check that out. Then the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You want like a nice one that you see on like suits or something like that. Yeah, get a fucking nice one. Get like Florida windows.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm going to a picnic, and I'm bringing apples, bananas, cards, and dildos, whatever it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And doing this thing to get the fucking long haul. Get the hunker going. Yeah. We were allowed to do that. It was like when we were in the car with my mom, it was relatively lawless. Because she's so nervous about driving anyway. She can't come back and get you. She's 10 and 2. She's holding on for dear death.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
What are you doing? I think that's just a control thing. That's just you going. No, you can't see. I see if I'm making a right. Listen, you can. I'm not saying you can. If you wouldn't be able to see, they wouldn't just have that capability. Somebody would be like, people are dying left and right. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. All right, so this one is trash since 81, $10 shareholder. My grandfather bought a police scanner from a family friend before our road trip to New Hampshire. We got pulled over 30 minutes into the drive.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We had a police scanner. It's like the big fucking, it's just probably like a 90s model. Not for the car, for the house, right? We had like a handheld one that like a fire department guy would have. Like they use in like the town, like a scrambler? Not as a, I don't know. No, it's like a. No, we had like one that looked like a radio. Damn, you had that? Yeah, you're talking the 90s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm saying we probably got mine in like 93. You're talking the 80s. You got mine in, you know, when it had that big, big antenna already out on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
If you're listening to this today, tomorrow, February 25th, live premiere, YouTube. Get in there. We're going to be in the chat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it also just kind of gives you, talk therapy gives you just a second set of eyes on your problems instead of... Talk it out. Yeah, you just go like, hey, and somebody goes, nah, man, that's completely normal. People do this, this happens all the time, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. You can just make better sense of everything, and it just gives you a little bit new perspective.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And listen, BetterHelp is the easiest way to get into the therapy pool. Yes. You do it from the comfort of your own home. If you're a shy person, you don't want to travel, blah, blah. This takes away all the excuses. I don't have a car. I don't have this. I don't have that. Whatever it is, BetterHelp can assist you with it, and you can get in there and start therapy. You can always change.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Cracking away. We could do a red carpet here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout-out to the American farmers at prices that won't destroy your wallet, best of all. Not only is every Mood product backed by a 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as we mentioned before, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code garbage. One more time, 20% off your first order at mood.com slash garbage, promo code garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
How much is a new CB radio? Probably like six bucks. I know. We each get them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think we're fucking terrorists. I think we're going to go fucking blow something up. Not happening.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's got something. It's got Blu-ray and DVD. That's what they told me. Which, by the way, get your DVDs, gang. Yeah, we had that. I remember my stepdad had a dust. I don't know if it was a 90s thing, but like. Electronics used to be dusty as shit back in the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And we had a dusty, dude, a dusty ass. It was before Dust Off caught on. Sure, but I mean also.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I mean, nobody I knew was using it. My dad's secretary had that. That's it. That was the only person I knew that had it, and she got mad at us because me and my brother were freezing each other's fingers with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
About to go huff this away. Woo! Bad news, kids. It was too tempting to not have fun with as a toy. To be like, I'm going to shoot cold air at you. What are we talking about here? But my stepdad had a... He was... A lot of, he liked the gadgets, right? Single guy at the time, like before he met my mom, single guy, pretty decent income.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Pocket knife, scrant dude, he had everything. All the antennas, the whole CB radio, nine yards. So that was like, anytime we were in the car with him, that was like a treat because you're like, I can play with all this shit. Sitting in my mom's car fucking stunk. But that was like, you felt like you were in the, you know, the enterprise. You felt like you were in the fucking Star Trek.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. What are we, fucking knocking over banks? We're going to be cruising slowly to Cleveland and Pittsburgh in April. Second show's out of both cities. If you get jammed up, you want to be able to make a move.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. We'll do it. We're going. No. The point of the van was not to rob banks. Yeah, to do jewelry heist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was five fat guys in a conversion van. They stopped by Mickey D's on the way out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, I don't think any eating in a car for the first trip or two. No, like you're a lot of snacks. Snacks. No wet foods. No lettuce. No, you can eat all the lettuce you want. I was thinking hoagie lettuce. Is that where your brain goes when you think lettuce? When you say wet, shredded, wet hoagie lettuce. I didn't say shredded wet. I just said no wet foods. All right. You immediately.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're jammed up. No, no sandwiches. Mostly stuff. Well, we normally, you stop at whatever. Snacks. Snacks you can get at a gas station. No fast food or not. I'm going to be rolling this thing with an iron. I'm going to be like my dad. I'm going to be turning around. Okay. I'm going to be turning around hitting you, you motherfucker. Okay. Speaking of, this is perfect. This is from Drew.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Did anyone's dad actually turn the car around if you didn't knock it off?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, you're feral. You got to stay home at that point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That ain't bad. The Forgotten Highway. Walt Whitman over here. You going to charge me a toll? That's the only poet I know. That and like Gary Frost or something. Robert Frost. More time. We'll be back with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, imagine the balls of being a fat little kid riddled with lice and being like acting like an asshole. Like no self-aware, no like, you know what, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. I'm covered in bugs right now. I'm infested with bugs. Maybe I shouldn't break my parents' stones. Maybe that. I had crabs too at the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fuck out of here. Well, the good thing about the divorced parents is they never unionized. You know what I mean? Like, they never discussed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but they were in the car together where we're causing a scene and they both go, you know what? We should have never done this. We should have never had them. I mean, you know. It's got to be. No, so it was. I mean, oh. Big Dan got called in for them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No. It was even more... Something threw you out. Oh, buddy, I thought you two were on the outs. I brought you back together. Dude, I would... Man. No, it was the worst because it was the wait. You had to wait for him to come pick you up. Oh, man. Two weekends from now, you're fucking dead. He'd get called... No, he'd get called at like...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Cold wait. He was constantly on, like, I forget the name of the road. Like, I'm on fucking Fifth Ave or whatever, and it was just like. Ten blocks away, stuck in traffic. Yeah, and the big joke was, like, how long is Fifth Street? It's like, you've been on it for three hours. You called me three hours ago. Jammed up. But, yeah, that was the bad. That was the bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We also got to add in my sister. She wasn't no spring chicken either. Her and Danny would fist fight. She is a little bigger as a kid. Aaron Danny would fucking go at it. Dude, those Sullivan girls, they don't play. Goes right for his earring. So that was us driving down the shore. A lot of times, Denise would try to split us up. I'll drop you off at Patty's. Put you on a bus.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is that when you're doing blow by yourself in the backyard?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The boys can drive down with Aunt Patty. Or I'll drop you off at Aunt Karen's. The boys can drive down with Aunt Karen. I'll take the girls. I had to put you on a bus. I usually had to roll with the broads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. Let's see. This one's from Waffle Fries. Is it garbage? That on a family trip to Florida, my whole family flew except me because we couldn't afford another ticket, so I drove the 20-hour drive by myself. I was 16 years old.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but you got to figure this might be mid-90s or so, late 90s. Gas was 99 cents a gallon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, the two longest drives I ever did, I guess it was three times. I went to and from Myrtle Beach, spring break, and my mom's, like, 97 Bravada. I remember she was like, she got an oil change beforehand. She's like, I didn't have a car. Maybe I had the loom. And she's like, you're not taking the loom. Like, no way the loom's making it. Maybe I didn't have a car. I forget.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This might have been between Loom and Montego. And I was driving the boys down, and she's like, dude, this is how insane the crew I was rolling with. The best car anybody could get their hands on. Was it Tigo? No, it was a 99 Bravada. And it was like... Yeah, everybody that could call in favors to get a car, it was that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Mine would have made it to Dover, Delaware. We were leaving Temple. We were leaving Philly. I think it was freshman year maybe or sophomore year, spring break.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Talk about running out of stuff to say.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen, my transgressions at a pizza parlor are neither here nor there. We're here to talk about goddamn road trips and a Route 66 special. Yes, sir. Which, gang, one of the, we've mentioned it before, but, you know, We kind of started out this whole, are you garbage, was just to fucking have fun. We're really bad with money. We put a lot of money into this thing. We're not fucking trying to sell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm never going to do it six minutes later. Fist fighting some bitch. Fist fighting the neighbor. That just reminded me, I didn't remember, we took, we drove my dad, my stepmom, my younger brother, and Danny. drove from Philadelphia to, like, outside of Quebec for a soccer tournament in my dad's buddy's conversion van. That thing was fucking sweet. I remember it had a table in it. Remember that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think they hit you with license. They hit you with just ID. They don't ask for registration of the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
License and registration. Uh, no, I don't think they asked. I don't think they, they're more worried about the guy coming in than the car. Sure. You know, it could have been very, we are the Millers or whatever. And I could have had, I could have had a couple of balloons up my ass. I don't know. Uh, he did ask me to swallow some bags if I remember. But yeah, that was like, dude.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I remember we did it. No, I remember. So we were up there. And like, pre-internet. You got no, you're just going off. So we're up there with a soccer team, and we're talking. The guy was also my fourth grade teacher.
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I remember that we tried to go to Niagara Falls from Quebec, which, I mean, I think it was one of those things of like, you're up here. Not like halfway across the country. It was far, dude. It was far. Driving back the other way.
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Yeah, and we added it on. And I remember being like... I remember just driving for what seemed like days. As a kid, dude, two hours could have been six weeks. And we didn't stay at any hotel. I think we fucking raw dogged it up. Like, he just fucking heaters and coffee, probably a couple of bevvies, probably a couple of mix.
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Uh... And then we tagged that on. And I remember in his brain, he's like, we're in Canada. Can't be that far. You know what I mean? It's like, just throw it on there. And we tagged it on. And I mean... I felt like we were Moses going through the desert, dude. Missed a week of school. It was so long and so hot. I remember an overheating factor. They're going to hold you back a year.
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You miss finals. I'm in third grade with a full beard. My trip was long. Is that Moses? I don't know. That was just an old guy voice. I just remember being like, that was so out of character. One, we didn't go anywhere. We only went Philadelphia to Wildwood. That's the only places we ever went. Remember, my dad would go to South Carolina with his boys in the van, and they'd go, like, hunting.
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We're not doing anything. A lot of people didn't even return the calls. Maybe we would have entertained it. Let's go right out to the fucking, right out to you guys. We need you guys to, as you always have, help us fucking share this thing, catapult this thing, be in the live chat, tell your friends, share it. It's a lot of... It's a fucking slice of America, as the big man was saying.
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That's a good time. And he'd bring back fireworks. And to me, that was like, I would go to school and be like, my dad drove to South Carolina. Like, he went to the Amazon. That was, like, the most. Machu Picchu. That was the most exotic place anybody I knew went. A couple of cherry bombs for the kids.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You'll get a large popcorn. Catch a matinee or something. What are we doing here, dog? All right, let's see here. This is a famous move by our previous boy, rest in peace. This is from E.B. McBurney's. Taking an alternate route to avoid tolls even if it's way out of the way. Oh, yeah. Man, that is a... I remember that would be on Garmins. Yeah. Shout out to Cotton, our old pilot for a long time.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Our old road dog. He did all the driving in the Jeep. Uh-huh. And he used to talk about the Garmin like it was a guy. Yeah. I thought they got Garmin. I got the Garmin. I got the Garmin. I got the Garmin. He'd throw it in there, avoid all tolls.
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A lot of times you take Route 1 for traffic purposes and you hop on the turnpike.
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Sure. He was also the king of didn't want to put too much gas in the car. I remember one time we drove out to Lancaster or something to do a show. or somewhere out in the middle of the state, and we stopped for gas, I'm not even joking, like three or four times. Yeah. And it's like a three-hour drive. We could have filled up and then got there.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was also the guy. Smashed a tail later. It was me, him, and Reggie. We were going on a road trip. Same thing. Out that way. When we started and got relatively proficient at comedy. You could get those gigs in, like, just those weird small towns in Pennsylvania.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, they still got that going on. I'll do it.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you'd bring it. You can do a gig. I mean, sometimes I'd go out and you just weren't getting it. I was a low man on the totem pole, so you're not getting paid. I can give you $30 or whatever out of his bag. Sure. But we went to rent a car, and he, like, didn't have a license or insurance. And he's like, you believe they're not giving me a car? I'm like, what, dude? Yeah.
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It's like we did Chicago, which is a big city. You know, you see dirtbags from Chicago. You got St. Louis. And we go to Cuba, Missouri, which is like... Missouri. Missouri, man.
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So we had to drive because the Jeep was on the fence of making it the long... No, we pulled up in the Jeep to rent the car. And then... Dude, I think he was going to have someone else rent it. And then... There was like an issue with a license, a credit card, and insurance. Credibility. And he came to, he's in there for like, you know, if you're in a place like that. Half hour, you're done.
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Anything over 15 minutes, it's a coin flip whether or not you're getting that service. And he was in there for an hour. And me and Reggie were in the car. And I'm like, there ain't no way.
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We didn't have credit cards. Yeah, we had to rent on Toro, which, for all the dirtbags out there, great way to get around the major, to get around. Because Enterprise won't rent you a car if you don't have a credit card or a return ticket from that airport, I've learned.
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even if you go hey just take the 500 hold they don't do it uh so toro will do it so shout out toro helping the you got a roadie coming up with the boys yeah helping dirtbags get get on the road uh toro when you're running from the cops i mean that is a shady app also good way to make a couple of bucks it's like airbnb for your car sure i used to pick up just random people's cars
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You just drive into a not a great neighborhood, and you're just looking for somebody, and you're just like, this ain't great. You're getting some beat up fucking car.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, if you're like us, daylight savings hits you pretty hard. You wake up, I don't know what day it is sometimes. It's the worst day of the year, and now the one-hour energy shot from five-hour energy, it won't. It will help you out, whether it's a late-night project or just powering through. You're going to need it. We're on the road. I need a little kick in the pants. Boom, one-hour energy.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how it's done. The secret weapon is the one hour energy shot. When we're on the road, I make sure I have my secret weapon handy, and that's the one hour energy shot, baby. It really gets me over those little humps instead of doing coffee. It's not the same as five hour energy. that you already know. This one is specifically designed for that little extra boost.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We go to Cuba, Missouri, which is like, you know, a town of like 500 people. We met a bunch of people there, hung out with them, did no show, just hanging. There's a lot of, like, cool aspects of... America, which we had, which I hadn't seen up until that point. You know what I mean? Like cruising through the desert like that.
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This is a targeted boost when you need it the most. It is quick and effective energy coming at you high and tight. Provides a feeling of alertness and energy. Helps you fight back against a lost hour during daylight savings time. Keep one in your gym bag, your desk, your car. That's what I do. It's so convenient. You can have it on hand. Check out One Hour Energy Shot and conquer your day.
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Visit 5hourenergy.com to find a retailer near you and try the limited time One Hour Energy Shot. One less hour in the day. Challenge accepted.
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This one's from Fran. I once made it all the way from Arkansas to Galveston, Texas, and back with no money. Wow. We stole from Walmart and returned it for cards, which we could use for gas and food. Damn. When we needed cash for hotels... and weed, we would steal video games and then take them to GameStop. That's, listen, I don't condone that behavior. That's off the grid.
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But talk about making it work. What's that distance, Arkansas to Galveston? That's got to be, I mean, sometimes you get into Texas.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, you got to figure that's... Multiple scams. That's multiple tanks of gas. That's at least one set of hotel rooms and a bag of weed. The bag of weed's great.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe back then, the new ones? I don't know. I mean, say they went to Circuit City or whatever was banging at the time, stole an NBA 2K5, whatever, like the newest one. 20, 30 bucks or something. Yeah, went and sold it, which was going. I mean, what did they used to go for? I don't know what they are anymore, but they were like 50 bucks. You get... $17 for it.
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They notoriously paid you like a nickel. But, I mean, if you got no cash and someone's going to give you $4, you go, hey, I got five games. It's $20. That's two dime bags where I come from. Joke's on him.
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Dip out. Yeah. Damn, that's like New Frontier type shit. That's like Forging West.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, man, it did not go well. I'm taking a look at the car.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Vegas. I mean, there's just like there's like the desert trash. There's, you know, Midwest trash and like everything in between. And just, you know, there is this like fiber that connects us all in a corny way. But it was very cool to see that throughout, you know, from start to finish. We've done other tours.
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Yeah, that was a thing. That was a thing back in the day before E-ZPass or whatever. It was like, how do I get you coming? How do you get away with anything? I get people texting. They're texting my wife. Oh, my God. That just happened. Hey, you owe us a debt. It's about to go into collections. She forwards it to me. It's $6. Freaks out. You figure it out. I got E-ZPass.
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Who the fuck's texting? They probably got my baby. I don't know.
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I don't know. I thought because it was on her account. What?
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No easy pass. We're going off the grid.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Stop and throw in a change. That'd be pretty fun.
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I don't think you can do that anymore. No, some places you can. Oh, throw the change in? No, I think it's just they're all attendance. Yeah. Because nothing's changed. They used to be 30 cents or whatever. Now it's like, I mean, you can't pay an $11 toll with nickels.
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Took the ass. Couldn't pass the drug test to join the union. Is that a union job? I'm sure. That's pretty good. Around here? Pretty good. I would imagine that's some sort of, you know, teamster. That's got a lot of money. That's a government job. That's good bennies, good pension. That's got to fall under. Someone's wetting their beak on that.
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Knew it. I also remember, I don't know if this was all over this great country of ours, which you can see explored on Route 66. There was, there used to be no pennies. Mm-mm. The ones on the eight going down the shore were no pennies. No pennies, no pennies, no pennies. And my uncle, who was a cop, was like, they take the pennies. That guy's legal tender. So we heard that.
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Every time we drove by blockbuster card, every time we drove by, I drove by a toll and I saw a sign that said no pennies. If you think I wasn't dropping now, I never even did it. I was just dropping knowledge on whoever's in a car. You know, my uncle's a cop on in a 15th. They take pennies.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Where it's been like, we fly here for a couple days, be Bob Scat, but this was like this fucking... We were in it, baby. This big journey through the middle of the country, and it was really cool. And, you know, shout out to everybody that came out to the shows. Hopefully you see yourself all in there, because we play AYG with the crowd. Oh, yeah. So it's footage from every show.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
i thought our whole family was gonna get arrested and fucking putting shackles i don't know the ticket where's the ticket it's freaking out that was a big that was a big thing on long car rides for us was uh was getting the toll change ready out of the cup holder of course that was like i felt like a banker me dude me and danny he'd be in the front seat i'd be in the back leaning up on the center console and we were all we thought we were on a trading room floor dude i'm
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, I got a nickel. You got 75 cents. You got this. You got that. You got that.
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Well, we always, a lot of times, my dad always wanted a receipt for tax write-off purposes, so we were big on receipts. I guarantee you he never looked at those things again. No, he did. He would turn them in. Dude, they would be in a stack. I remember one time laughing and counting. Dude, this is when I was working the book, so this is like 2011. Before he had Easy Pass, he was still.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was also, we had Easy Pass. He would still get a receipt. Be like, I'm going to get a receipt. That's crazy. But they'd be in a stack right here, like right in the visor. And he'd let them get, like, he'd turn them in at the end of every month or whatever. Drop that thing, they go everywhere. Fuck! You gotta think, it's probably a minimum couple hundred bucks a month as much as driving.
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You ain't lying, big man. We got the live shows from every city on the tour, plus the boys on the bus seeing this great country of ours. It's dropping February 25th on our YouTube page. Make sure you tune in to the live premiere.
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I used to do it when we started comedy. I was like, I want to write this. Can I get a receipt for that? Meanwhile, two weeks later, I'm blowing my nose in it. Wiping ketchup on it or something. A little special sauce. Yeah. All right, let's see here. This is from Jeremy.
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Anytime we went on a road trip with my grandfather, no matter the distance, he would buy a CD at the beginning of the trip and listen to it on a continuous loop from start to finish. One strove from southeastern Pennsylvania to Indianapolis, listening to a Kenny Rogers CD for 12 hours straight.
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I know where you're going. You make it seem like my fault.
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Then put on, anytime you've ever said it.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then say something. Why do you sit there and stew and then boil it over and carry it over? Just go, hey, I'm going to put on somebody. I go, okay, great.
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It was really cool. A lot of bozos and homies making cameos in this thing. You ain't lying. All rights reserved. All rights reserved. You all sign releases. We also had someone else write in and go, hey, can you not include that? I was not on my best behavior, which, big guy, you were included up until that moment. Yeah, good thing we saw that.
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I think you're referring to REO Speedwagon or some sticks.
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Buddy, listen. Download Spotify. You got Napster. So, like, you're – I love you. But you've been carrying this pain around and this aggravation on my playlist, which I've never said, no, don't change it. I plug it in. I got a co-pilot, six souls on board here. I'm driving. I've got to make sure everybody gets to the gig, safe sound, and we get to check. I ain't worried about that.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's in the background. Put on whatever you want.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, we were in the car for like, see, you've been holding on to it for three years. This is the problem. Then I don't even know. Then I put it on and you're like, you heard this fucking song.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It literally just goes on and hits, like you plug in your phone and it hits. I'm not searching.
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I don't know. I mean, I'd go, what the fuck are you doing?
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Yeah, it would be weird. I don't know. I'd have a lot of questions.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You leave your door open. So, like, yeah, and I, listen, you leave your door open. That's for vampires and shit. And you're hooked up to a generator. I'm going to peer in there. I hear a noise cooking. It's like, what's this? First of all, we're not looking at you. It's not the middle of the night. You sleep later than everybody else. So we wake up.
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We go down and make our scrambled eggs like goddamn gentlemen. Proper gentlemen. Maybe a green juice.
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Yeah, you sleep with the door open. Wild move. In a room full of bros.
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Buddy, hold on. So back to our upcoming road trip. You have full control. I want nothing but full control. You have full control over the radio, right? Okay. You got to get Spotify, right? You can build your own playlist. My phone's going to be, Luke can't help you. You got to build your own playlist. Okay. And then you can share that playlist with whoever's phone is plugged in.
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Because we were watching her like, we got to include this guy. And then like 15 minutes later, he ate us up. He's like, dude, do not put that in the.
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Yeah, it's a pretty good service. You should check out. We got full video on there.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
2024. That's how they see it. The 2025s are available. Are they? But they upcharge. I said, what's the difference? I got to be honest with you, not really anything. Wow. You talked to this guy? Talked to him yesterday. Good guy. You didn't talk to Fred Beans himself, did you? No, I talked to Gary Beans. You're lying. I am. But also, it's like I come from such dirt bag.
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I start sending out my feelers to all my group texts. I say, hey, because I'm calling. I didn't get a response. So I go, hey, we know anybody over there at Beansies. I thought we did. We had a homie that worked there. A homie did, but I lost the message or the comment or whatever. I don't know where that went. I can't go back and find that now. As long as the internet.
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The internet is a busy place. That was weeks ago. But I reached out, and everybody's like, I mean, right away, Pat's like, yo, talk to my dad. Shut up, Mr. S. He was like, talk to my dad. And then by that time, I had heard back already. Nice. But you got to go in with somebody. But then this guy ended up, I grew up not that far from him, like three minutes away. He's like, where are you from?
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the innocent always protect the innocent for sure um very excited for everybody to see it we really are yes couldn't be more proud of it yeah you guys are gonna love it yes uh game changer uh yes tuesday uh if you're listening to february 25th we're gonna be in the live chat mixing it up me big man new guy luke we're all gonna be watching the premiere together uh you know join in there we'd like to really get as much let's put the fucking garbage thrusters behind this thing let's fucking light the goddamn candle
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I'm like, Bucks. I'm at Bucks now. We're chopping it up.
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I mean, that's what I said. I said, hey, money, you make right on a deal. I'll throw a couple two-tree tickets your way. Half price. Maybe a T-shirt signed.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, do we want any kind of... This is in the road trip world. Do we want any kind of... Tin it out. Murder it out. Gunmetal black. Bumper stickers. I feel the garbage mobile's got to have something. If you see the van rocking, come knocking.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one is I got pegged at the Cracker Barrel. That's pretty good. I want, like, proper offensive ones.
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Ass, gas, or grass. This one's pretty good. I love sucking dicks with my butthole.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That might have to. We might have to get that one. Wow. That's amazing, dude. Oh, we got to get a windshield thing, too. At the top of the... A banner? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like Tootie's Ride or whatever.
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What was the one in Kill Bill, the Shaggin' Wagon or whatever? I can't remember. The Pussy Wagon. I think it was called the Pussy Wagon. This is AYG if they're dark now.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hold on. Let's see if there's any other solid... I got a BBL at AutoZone. What's a BBL? Brazilian butt lift. That's pretty good. Oh. We got to get something. Luke, come up with a couple of them. Spread cheeks, not hate. Also pretty good. Dude, these are for sale. Who would ride around with these?
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You could put me in a little suite in the back. Put you in a lazy boy?
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think you need snow. I mean. Fuck it.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think all that stuff. I mean, like, I don't think we need extra antifreeze with it. It's got nine miles on it.
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That should all get you for, you know. Paninis. Panini press. I'm going to eat the paninis. Yeah. We got to come up with something for the windshield, and then we got to get a guy that can do that.
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Something like that. Something good. Suck my dick, bitch.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, also some magnets. We should put some bullet holes on it. It was. We got to make it, you know, a couple of chromies, nice set of chromies. Kids steal them now.
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Also, because we've been so jazzed on road trips, as you know, we started thinking about getting a conversion van, which we're very close. I filled out a credit application last night, right? The business is buying it, but I got to... Why didn't you put me on there?
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That's all right. Damn. All right. We got to trick this thing out. Let us know what trashy things we need on it. I say chromies, good mud flaps, maybe a bullet hole sticker. Dude, nothing crazy. I don't want it to look like we were in, you know, Sicario or nothing. Mogadishu. Yeah, you know what I mean? And then we needed some sort of, what are they called? The windshield slogans. Okay.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know if slogans is the right word, but you can catch me. How about a couple of sponsors?
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Sure. Show them what's up. All right. Let's see. This one's from Big Titted Animal. Great name. Raise your hand if you used to ride in the bed of the truck. that had a truck cover shell on it during road trips from Oregon to Southern California. Love it. God damn.
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I had a lot of pillows and blankets back there, handheld games like poker, blackjack, and had a CD player and cassette tape player with me. As a young kid... That's like a fort. You got pillows, you got blankets, those blackjack and poker games.
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Yeah, because they would lose the shot, like the piston would lose the shock or whatever.
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The longest day of my life. Arduous journey.
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Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He probably might have 44 minutes. 42 as fast as Root. You're avoiding tolls. I probably did. I'd drive around the lake. Dirtball. That's too good. All right. Let's see here. This is from Maddie Mack. Family drove the Dodge Intrepid great car from Nova Scotia to Orlando to go to Disney World. Dude, Nova Scotia is at the top of the East Coast of fucking. That ain't 48 minutes.
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30. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. It's 30 hours. You got a family, probably eight a day. Eight a day is crazy. That's a long day. That's crazy. So eight a day, what's that? That's five. Yeah. Oh, no. It's like four days. He said they only stopped in Myrtle Beach. That can't be right. So that's fucking 15 hours. Oh, my God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was my first introduction to people from Canada, was a lot of people did wild, did the Jersey Shore. Yeah. Because it's like they would drive down, because it's out of there. I guess the weather's probably a little nicer, because you got to figure like- Just stop in Rhode Island.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But that water's not that, that's free. I mean, it don't get to like South Jersey level temperatures.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember seeing cars. They were all minivans from Quebec or Montreal in Wildwood and being like, you're from another planet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So you're like, if I can save, you know, $1,500, two grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, so listen, my credit's fine. It's good. It's considered good. What are you sitting at? My credit?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to be honest with you, if you're driving from Nova Scotia to Florida, you're probably getting divorced at some point. You guys haven't made the best life decisions thus far. Things are on the rocks. Anywho. Yeah, you're playing with a half-stache. That's all I'm saying. Not throwing any shade, but... Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's Misney. Yikes. All right, this was from Shy Link. We drove to Texas from Chicago. There was too much luggage that I never had a seat. I laid on a lot of flat services for about 16-some hours. That's so dangerous, man. That's brutal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
About seven now. About seven? Seven. 704, 705, something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Luke had to do that for a very long road trip. He was all right back there. Dude, listen, I don't feel bad for many people that I'm paying, but I did feel bad. That was his first real trip with us. He was all the way in the back. It's like 112 pounds. I know, but, dude, that third row in some of those SUVs, that's why we went minivan. The minivan's always better.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The third row in the SUV, the floor is higher, so your knees are in your fucking Adam's apple. And, I mean, he had Pelicans and hard shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember looking back at some point being like, I can't see Luke. That's how bad it was. Had to do a little editing back then, too. Yeah, he's back there on a computer editing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kid's turning into an all-mic pro. He's doing plugs and a few things that he's saying. That's pretty good where I come from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Look at you, huh? What credit do you have, though?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's see here. This one, I'd like to get your take on this. This is just from Dad, I think. My grandpa pissed in a bottle on a road trip. No biggie, but then this dude dumped it while driving on the highway, and piss just came across the whole side of the van. We were never a pee-in-the-car kind of... I mean...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe once or twice with my dad if it was like... We were younger and it was like... Side of the road. Side of the road, for sure. Dude, all on the AC Expressway. Or if we were like, hey, we can't get over. And I'm like, I'm going to pee myself. My dad's like, all right, find a water... You know, maybe... You must have sucked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember one time I was shitting myself on the way back from an Eagles game. I think I wore a pair of my mom's jeans. I'm not even laughing because I... They were comfortable, and they fit in all the right places. It was so cold that I had to wear, like, I wore someone's jeans. I had to wear leggings under, like, sweat. Because, dude, we went to a game. Thermals. But we, like, a lot of layers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It might have been my mom's, like, aerobics, you know, outfit. I feel like a woman. I'm up there doing the hip thrust.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I remember my pants being so tight, and we were at Byberry in Busselton, and I was ready to shit my pants. Like... It serves you right. Six fucking soft pretzels. I was probably mulching diesels, chicken nuggies, french fries, whatever. And I remember everybody was in the car, and my dad's like, undo your belt. And I was doing that thing where you, like, I was young, so I was not sitting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So I had to apply. Talk to the guy out there. Should we do a plug?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would get, I'd push my feet on the ground and my shoulders on the back of the thing, so I was like... Because my stomach hurts so bad, like, sitting at a 90-degree angle that I needed some... I needed some move. Like, I was breaking off the... You had to loosen up the large intestines. Yes. And I was... I remember... Dude, I remember my dad just being like, let me know if you're going to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I was, like, the first time, like, sweating, really concentrating on not, you know... But... All was fine. We made it home or made it somewhere we could stop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Had to be rough. But I never peed in a bottle. It for sure happened.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nah, I didn't like that because there's also other kids in the car. So you're like older kids, you know? Or my sister's friends.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Old school closer. Freddie Beans. Shout out to Fred Beans at Doylestown, a Bucks County guy. I get chopping it up with him. That should be 10% off the ARP, whatever it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, we were lucky enough. We had enough Wawa iced tea bottles thrown around. I had a pretty big head for a young boy. You know what I mean? Can't fill up a half a gallon. A couple Gatorade bottles floating around. A couple of wide mouth boys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a green tea. Also, guys, my computer died because we're doing a longer episode today. Since we are dropping the special this week, that's making up for the second episode that typically comes out on Thursdays. So come Thursday, Wednesday night, you're looking for an episode, go watch the special. Let that puppy run. And share with your friend. By that point, it could be 10 million views.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. We could be the next Mr. Beast. I could be building my own production company in North Carolina or something. I could be putting electricity in Africa or whatever that guy's doing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's pretty good. We could do that with the homies. To do what? I don't know. Some kind of contest. Give him $10. All right. Let's get back into it. This is one we haven't talked about. This is from Mr. Gambini. Shout out to the Gambinis and the whole Gambini crime family. Of course. Three-hour car ride, and you stop at Wawa with $20. What's the lineup? Woo!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm not getting it on my $20. You're getting it with $20. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're hungry. It's up to you. What do you want in this?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're going to, I mean, let's really keep this rooted in reality. You're going to, what are you getting now? They still exist. They still exist. Do they sell them at Wawa?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're probably right around. I'll give you that. You're probably right at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm probably driving, so I can't really eat. So I'm going mostly snack-based.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I'm a senior eyebrows. I'm pushing 40. I should be able to get a car. I don't think that's crazy. If I get denied a car. I mean, I did get denied that Lincoln not too long ago. That was about a year. Yeah, it was about 14. I did get denied a Lincoln. Damn, that was... Dude, I had to walk out of there because I didn't even have a car. I had to walk down the street and wait for an Uber.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I like days of thunder. I don't know how you do it, so you got six hands. Listen, I'm very – my OCD, I'm very methodic, and I'm very – like, everything has its space, and I won't – I won't take off. I won't start moving. I won't back up unless everything can take a nice jostle and not spill. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got $17.50 left over. I'm definitely going original Cheez-Its. Boxer bag. The little grab bag. Well, the bigger bag, not the little 50 cent bag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, yeah. Okay. So the Cheez-Its go first. Because I'm not doing it for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The grab-and-go bag. Thank you. A lot of times at Wawa and other places, they only have, like, the Parmesan or the Snapped or that bullshit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll extra toast it, I'll give you. The big ones are just fun. The Parmesan ones or whatever. I'm 10 of 2 here. I got fucking Parmesan dust all over me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Creating a water slick. I'm fucking whoop whoop. I'm bebopping and scatting. So I'm going to do the Cheez-Its. I'm going to do the combos. I'm going to do the gummy bears. I'm going to do a big thing of water. Maybe a pack of gum. And at the time, I was on the heaters. Heaters, but no eaters. So that's about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
A small bag of combos is like $3. Okay. I got like four things for $3. I'm probably under $15. All right. No heaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You put this in a big man's fucking stomach. Acorns. I used to. I don't like eating in the car. I don't like eating while driving. It's just not the same. I like to get there. Let's sit down and eat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Picking up on something here. Just saying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is another one. This is from Pierce. What's an appropriate amount of gas money to give to the driver for longer road trips? I'm talking five plus hours. You got to start with a 20. I think you got to set a terms of, you know, hey, we're going to go one for one on the gas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Still trying to play hardball? That was a bad... Okay, now thinking about it, I might not get this car. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. You got tooties behind it. I should be able to get a car loan. Whatever. We'll see. Put the Buck Hunter up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I also think that the guy driving, unless he kind of demanded to drive, you know. Shouldn't pay for a gas. Yeah, there should be some like. Hey, 60 bucks, it'll fill the tank up. He's getting sweat equity out of this. It's like, hey, listen, I'll. You fill up every two for one or something like that. Or I'll get your hotel. He's got to be making up a little bit on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's putting a wear and tear on his car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Guy who doesn't want to help his buddy out, clearly. What the hell? Pay for the hotel. I'm just saying, whatever it comes to of like, hey, you're driving for six hours and it's your car. Also, these two bozos might not have a fucking car. So it's like, this guy's making a whole trip. Split the room. We'll stay in a room together. Something. You just got to let him wet his beak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all I'm saying. Whether that's. Snacks I got. Give him combos. I don't care what you do. I got you on the snacks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I never liked that. Man, this is a fucking... I haven't thought about this in a long fucking time. What? Climbing in the back. To get the food that we food shop to take to the shore. Dude, climbing over the back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who are you calling a fat fuck? That's crazy. That's rude. That's uncalled for. But she'd be like, yeah, dude, me and Dan, it seemed like you were crawling into a cave.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, my mom's, the Taurus, I think, or whatever car at the time, maybe the Sebring. That's long, trying to get back there. But the seat would drop down. So we'd drop the back seat down. You could pull that lever. That back seat would drop down. You would crawl into the trunk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We'd be blind reaching in the dark. You had to get past the luggage because the food was always the last thing in there. You put the big bags in the back. So we'd be like... That is like a tunnel rat. Yeah, so he'd be like holding my feet or whatever, and I'm back there just pulling out whatever I can pull out. And then we're also gathering intel on whoever packed the car, typically Danny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's going, it goes mom's bag, your bag, then the bag of barbecues.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get me out of here! Uh-huh. Yeah, just blind, just reaching. My mom had, she'd be like, oh, whatever. Again, she's at 10 and 2. Because she didn't want to stop. No, she stopped a lot, but also, I mean, she's also going. It's a thing of chips ahoy back there. She's like, she's going split the barbecue chips or the gold.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We got the cooler fixed. Yeah, a lot of improvements we're doing around here. But... So that should be landed. Nice guy. Great. Get on the phone. I go, listen, buddy. And then he's like, you know, what do you do? I'm like, what are you going to use? Why is it? Oh, he's like, also, I didn't know. None of these. None of you can't get a loan. People don't get caught.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
A lot of times you open up a fresh bag, like the proper house bag of goldfish in a car. Take the long way, baby. Yeah, I don't care. I'll take 55 all the way down. I got nothing but time. I even think one time I remember opening up a bag of lunch meat, like American cheese, and just me and Danny eating slices. A couple of rolls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, man. Man, I haven't thought of that in a long time. Going back there and getting the food that was for the trip when you got there. We do that up the mountains. Up the mountains used to seem so much further.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're not farting in there. Yeah. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a little bit rougher. Yeah, cheapo. No one's sitting on it, whatever. You just got to cover it with something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Being tied up in it was probably not fun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Going in the trunk. Did you ever do the thing where you put a guy in the trunk and he pulls to see if the thing works? My Montego was the first car I had that had the emergency pulls. The first car any of me and my friends had that had the emergency pull. And we were tailgating somewhere for something. And my trunk was open with the beers. Some kids like my boy Javon's like, you got one of them?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm like, yeah. He's like, let's try it out. Shoved him in there, closed it, boom. Left him in there until the third quarter. He jumped right out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I thought the building was going down. Whoa. Dude. I don't know if they heard that. I'll throw some camera audio. Do some shaking of the camera. That was earthquake level vibes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout out to Frank. All right, this was from Caitlin, $10 investor, never had one read. Going up, we road tripped a lot because my brother had a severe fear of flying, which, like, nice parents.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I remember we flew. That's crazy. We flew down to Florida.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's also the same thing, but it's like you're, you know. Fuck that. I don't know, man. I remember my brother wanted to fly home from Florida. He didn't want to fly home from Florida. And he was like, let's rent a car. And my stepdad and mom were like, you can go fuck yourself. We'll leave you here. I can't work on Monday. Yeah, like we're not driving home shit. Because he was scared?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
People don't give car loans to conversion vans. Yeah, because the chassis. I was like, why is that? I love chopping it up with a guy who knows who knows the beats. I go, yeah, why is that? I was told my credit union told me I couldn't get one. And he's like, because the chassis is like considered like a work van. But it's not like a passenger car or whatever. They run the VIN.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, well, we had the plane. All right, that's different. You jammed up on the way down here. No, not us. And he heard, so it was East Wind Airlines. They had two planes. That's it. Two or three planes. And the other plane had to do an emergency landing for like oxygen or something. Not nothing like the wing didn't fall off. Like something, whatever. They had to do something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So we were waiting to fly back with people who were on that flight. We were already checked in. We're at the gate. And I remember this fat kid was like, yeah, he was like 20 probably. And he's sitting there and he's like, yeah, we had to do this on the way down and that on the way out, blah, blah, blah. And my brother was like, yo, I'm not getting on these goddamn machines. And he called my dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He went to a pay phone and called my dad and was like, you have to come get me. Come get me. Because my mom and stepdad were like, get on the fucking plane. Dude, we're checked in. No way your dad did that. No, he was like, I think, relatively entertaining it. Really? But also was like, hey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who? Your brother. I don't mean that. He didn't think it through. He didn't get accommodations yet. Also, that meant like my mom or stepdad had to stay with him. I mean, he's probably 13. Just leave him in the terminal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think my dad finally calmed. It was like, hey, Dan, it's okay, whatever. My stepdad was sitting next to me, which he wasn't the guy he's sitting next to. But I remember him going, look, but you can bounce. I remember being like, you ain't scared of this shit. It's nuts. Yeah, it was tough.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. But this is back to Caitlin's question. Growing up road trip because my brother had a severe fear of flying. My family would load in our 1990 Chevy G20 van that my dad had bungee corded a TV to the floor of the van. And we would watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on the way to on the way from Idaho to Florida. Snacks for days and not a seatbelt in sight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Now that's clean. Tell me, Lord of the Rings. What's a Chevy G20 look like? Let me see here. Chevy G20.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It doesn't come back as a conversion van. No hit. It comes back as like an eco line or whatever. So when a cop pulls you over, you're driving like a different car than it's. I don't know. This guy might have been huffing. I don't know what was going on. But he's getting us straightened out. I should get. I should find out any minute if we're sick. I'm a little upset.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. I'm no parent yet, but I would assume that there is some sort of like – That thing of like, hey, you got to get through this. You got to face this. There's up to a point. You got to face the fear. You got to face the adversity. You got to face the fear. You got to do this. Your life's going to be... You got to get on the goddamn plane. I got to work in two days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get your fucking ass on the plane. That's what my dad... That's what my mom would... Get on the plane right now. It's 90 minutes. I got you some candy. I didn't pay $3,000 to come down here and for you to not want to go home. Get on the plane. I got you some candy. I really throw everything she ever bought you. Throw in your face. I come all the way down here. All right, let's see.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is what Brandon. Okay. It's also just funny. You really see the dirtbag places due to the questions. Also, a lot of dirtbag, a lot of guys and gals that listen to the show, a lot of road trips. Yeah. It's all northeast to Florida and like Midwest to Texas. It's like those are like the four. But those are the four. But there are a lot of people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it garbage to road trip from Texas to New Jersey every year during the holidays to incentivize your family to give us more gifts? Hey, we're driving and not flying. You can fit a whole lot more in a car than you can your carry on. They also feel bad. We're coming a long way. How you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. Jersey to Texas is probably four, five, four days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know, but hold on. That's eight days right there. But I think we're looking at this wrong. It's very, I'm not trying to do the plug, but it's very Route 66. The journey is the thing. You're with your once every year. Maybe they maybe they bond on it and they get a lot of good. Hey, listen, we we come from you put us in cars. It's hell in the cell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe these kids were like, you know, we like stopping here. We go to this same, you know, I'm just saying for a lot of people, that could be the enjoyable part. And they hate getting down there and talking to their family. But they're like, hey, our family together gets to go and experience this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, I don't know. That's a... God love you. God love your father for doing that. Sure. That's a tough one, I feel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Might be a pile you can see from the goddamn driveway. Don't be giving me socks or no shit. You're not jamming up my week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
If I was approved, I think I would have found out this morning. And it's like, well, it's one o'clock now and I haven't found out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Start shopping early. All right, let's run through a couple more. This is from Chalk City. Uh... Road trip from DMV to visit uncle outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. What's DMV? DC. Oh. What is it? DC, Maryland, Virginia. Oh, okay. DMV, I believe. Is that right? Get eyes on that. DC to Albuquerque. That's got to be... That's long as shit. That's coast to coast. Almost.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's like four or five days. Road trip from DMV to visit uncle. That must have been a really good uncle. Outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Driving straight. Wait, hold on. Driving straight for 30 hours with my buddy. Drove two tanks of gas each shift, staying awake with a carton of marbred one hondos for driving time and left-handed cigs for sleepy time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This uncle probably ain't great. He's probably a cooker or something out there in the desert. Get their hands on some fucking blue magic. Wait, hold on. Let me see. They drove two tanks of gas each shift. So one guy would figure a tank of gas gets you four hours or something like that. Right? So you're driving four or five. So you're driving like 10 hours straight yourself, cranking heaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Unfortunately, at this time, we are not a yes, I get a lot of that. We are not able to get denied from college all over again.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Probably on the highway. I'd be nervous. Still driving. Yeah. Throw it in cruise control and fucking do the switch. I'd be mad nervous about the other guy while I'm sleeping. I wouldn't be able to sleep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But, dude, it's nighttime. Those lines, that's like hypnotists. Next thing you know, you're taking your pants off in front of a crowd or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's what happened. I've never seen a hypnotist. Have you ever seen one? In person? No, on TV? Yeah, in person. I don't think so. Yeah, I remember they did it at my school like a few years before us, and it got a little freaky naughty for my brother's grade, and they stopped it after that. I think some broad took his shirt off or gave a guy a lap dance or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I didn't want to go to Drexel to begin with. My mom told me I couldn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm Catholic. All right, let's see. We got two more here. This was from Ian. Not a garbage question, but what's the minimum? And I've gone over this. What's the minimum amount of time you need to be on the road before you stop for a bathroom break? We're typically a one-hour crew.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's the sweetest guy. I am a sweet guy. I turn on being a dickhead for camera and clicks. You fat pussy. Now suck my dick with your ass. Get you hungry. What? Stop it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I stop every hour, dude. I'm an hour guy, and if someone goes... Hey, at 37 minutes from the last stop, if someone goes, I'm looking for a stop, I pop out. What's the rush? First of all, we got about six, typically six guys in a van, right? Excuse me. That's six different wieners, six different digestive tracts, a lot of stuff going on. We're not, it also like, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're not eating rice and chicken here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. So I stop. Heaters stop. Pee stops. I got a tiny little bladder. I got to pee a lot of times. No heaters. No heaters. Now there's no heaters. We're doing six hours.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I think if you're driving a lot of people, you've got to get on board. If you're like, I want to stop every five hours, the other guy wants to stop every two hours, you've got to meet in the middle. You're a team here, you know what I mean? Yeah. All right, let's see. This will be the last one. This is from Ricky Ticky Bobwin Wobbin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Once a while back, me and a few buddies were driving from Minnesota to Las Vegas. One of them shit their pants and had to stop at a self-service car wash to hose him off. The only thing open that late in the middle of nowhere. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
While in the middle of spraying the mud off, the door between the stalls opened, and it was an Asian man frozen in shock to see a butt-naked guy getting sprayed by another guy with a hose.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We ran out there. He threw his pants away and had to do the last 12 hours wrapped in a T-shirt from the waist down. Also, who only brings one pair of pants to Vegas? Clean as a whistle. That's crazy. Dude, I would like that once a week, just like a nice, you're going to jail power washing. Oh, the Rambo scrub? Just de-louse you, hit you with the powder.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, you got to spray me down. Also, that's got to hurt, man. You really got to trust that guy with your fucking jewels, dude. Really trust that friend not to open up your ball bag with a power washer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Watch it. Go click the link. The link should be up. Go click the link to the reminder. Share with your friends. If you're an audio listener, subscribe to the YouTube channel. We need it. You got to watch it, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to see it. This is one of the proudest, the most proud thing we've ever made. This is the, you know, we've put the most time and effort and resources into making this as cool as we possibly could for the homies and the bozos. We're so stoked with it. We can't wait to share it with you. Go watch it, please.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It means the world to us. If you guys continue supporting us, we'll continue, you know, making fucking content we think you guys like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
AKA a dirtbag central. Buddy, I'm not knocking you, but if you're taking out two, three Gs here and there sporadically, that's a guy who's jammed up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let me go to somewhere. Let me go burn another bridge. I already called the coke guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. Make me look like an asshole. But yeah, so the van should be happening any day. I should be hearing back any day now. We're going to have it in Pontiac. We're going to have it for the first run of the Back on the Block Tour. Tickets are selling on that thing. So if you snooze, you lose, baby. Sure. Also, little bit of news.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This summer, there's going to be a little baby Kippy running around town.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to take orders from this fucking kid now. There's now a prince to the garbage throne. That's right. There's a bloodline. You better get cracking so we can have them fight for the rightful heir of the throne.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, he's going to get it. I mean, who's getting your half?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, right. If he's anything like this, he's going to find out. It's going to be a power struggle when he turns four. Congratulations. Thank you very much. My friend. Yeah, so we're very excited. Not nervous at all. Totally chilling. Sure. Not verging on the side of panic attack every two minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's also, that's, so we're talking road trips, and that made me think, like, I don't know about you guys, so, you know. You packing up the kids in the car? Also, any parents out there, give me some advice. I didn't necessarily have a father figure. I'm going to be figuring all this out on my own.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm just saying. I don't think he's got the hands for it. The kid's got a left on him. Look out. Congratulations, pal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how most of the traumatic experiences I've had with... Father specifically was car. You know, the reaching back, the... Of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
She, you know, assaulted her young boy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We never did a proper road trip as a family. I mean, I have a divorced family. Niecy, I got to be honest with you. I don't drive at night. One, she don't drive at night. Everybody knows that about the niece. Two, I don't think she's ever driven further than North Wildwood. I don't think she's ever gone straight to Cape May. Like, I think the further she's... She's never driven to, like, D.C.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
or Virginia. No? She's never driven. Patty's nice with it. I don't think my mom's ever driven to New York. Really? Well, my mom doesn't drive into New York.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll park at Princeton. A girl from Philadelphia is petrified of what. I think they think it's how we saw, like, the Jetsons, like, flying cars and stuff. They're like, ah! I'm like, Mom, I live right. It's just 90. You've been on a highway. You can drive the Pennsylvania turnpike. You can drive the New Jersey turnpike. She ain't coming, dog. But, yeah, she don't drive. I'll take the train.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll meet you in Midtown. So we never really had a lot of shore trips, a lot of two-, three-hour trips to the shore, traffic, the whole nine, playing the big thing. Were you a – I spy. I spy was big.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Punch buggy. Punch buggy. Do you remember the lingo to yours? Like it was – Punch Buggy Blue. At some point, I think in the mid-90s, they added no punchbacks. Yeah, that's how fights started with me and my brother, though. Because he would just cold cock me out of nowhere. That's when I first learned that you could be like a Nissan. He would just hit me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It ain't bad credit. It's not enough credit. Not bad. What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now Spotify. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. But even more important, www.youtube.com. You go over there for the root. 66 tour special that is dropping.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
My brother would punch me with the middle finger out. Oh, dude. Man, that got right to a six-year-old's bone. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Another big one, which I played in my adult years, which was kind of the most, probably the most sober fun I ever had.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
What? I'm going to a picnic. That was a big. I'm going to a picnic. Do you know that one?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, really? I'm going to a picnic, and I'm bringing apples. Then Luke's got to go to a picnic. He's going to bring apples and bananas, and you have to memorize it, and it goes with each one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
A little bit of cash. A little bit of cash. Yeah, without adding necessary bulk. It's made from a premium, high-performance materials like carbon fiber. Look, baby, I got one right here. The good folks over at Ridgewild were nice enough to send it to us. It's fantastic. So sleek you can barely see it. Whoo, there you see it. No, you don't. No, you don't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Come out and see the boys. Yeah, this Saturday, March 8th, second show in Pontiac, Michigan at the Crow Football Room. That's going to sell. Indianapolis is already sold out. Then we got the Milwaukee Improv on March 11th. Get those tickets. Madison, Wisconsin, that's sold out. The Minneapolis on Friday at the Fillmore. Get tickets. RUGarbage.com. We'll see you there. Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
A little bit of sleight of hand, baby. Ridge wallets are built to last. They got stainless steel, titanium. They come with a lifetime warranty, meaning it's the last wallet you'll ever need to buy. There you go. It's not just about looks. It's a slimmer wallet. Helps keep your posture better so you're not sitting there like freaking George Costanzi. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you. Of course. Do it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Cut them. Cut the dead subscriptions. Cut the unwanted subscriptions out of your life like people. You don't want somebody in your life, you cut them. You got to cut out these subscriptions. You better watch your tone, big man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Guys, aside from that being a perfect way to find all your subscriptions in one place, Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. You easily create and personalize a budget with custom categories to keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category and let you know where exactly your money is going. I forget about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I signed up, and I forget about it. Then I get an email, and they come in on Tuesdays. Hey, this week you got ABC hitting this account, this account, this account. I'll schedule it. Hey, your spending was this much more. You saved this much more, this much more, this much less. It does the hard work for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
And get out of the Pizza Hut, will you? Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. I'm sorry, 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash garbage today. That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I have a question on the execution of Tuss. Sure. How much do you have to drink? You got a bottle? Does you and your boy get right off a bottle?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Young Tusk with the sick grand dam. How you doing? What? Did you graduate? Yeah, uh-huh. Was it then pretty smooth sailing after that or no?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I think that's pretty good because it's out of like 32 or something, isn't it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I've never heard anybody brag about that. I've probably seen four million movies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I guess that is pretty stupid. No, I lied to Greg. Wait, hold on. Were you reading? I'm pretty smart. I've seen a lot of movies. All the Pirates of the Caribbean. Big history buff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah. I mean, that is a place where a lot of people, it's like a safe haven that you can sleep in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Delivery guy. If I opened the door and you had my pizza, I'd go, everything's right in the world right now. This guy's high as fuck. Car's still banged up. Grand Dam's running out front.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I love how you know the corporate bylaws of each big box store.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Come get me, bastards. I heard Publix just hired a fucking outside linebacker to chase you out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I thought he got real deep for a second. I was like, this kid's not right. Also, I thought the same thing, and I'm like, I'm for sure someone told him to stop stealing. Yeah, absolutely. The police, the judge, his parents.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
He probably sits there and is like, fucking look at him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
We were taking bets on how you arrived. Yeah. Bully's like, do you think he takes an Uber? Is he driving? I was like, rickshaw? I don't know. Who knows what this fucking is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah. My first one. Is this the first lease you've been on? Yes. Yes. I knew it. What was that credit check like?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Take out the middleman, baby. If you're a Lucy Breaker guy or if you're in a nicotine game, check out Lucy Breakers. We've said this. They've been sponsoring the show for years. They've been nice enough people to send us stuff. That's one of the packages when it comes to the studio. Very refreshing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
hoodies all everybody's fighting over it there's this i got this i got with this i want that it's a it's fantastic so check it out you can level up your nicotine routine with lucy go to lucy.co slash garbage use the promo code garbage to get 20 off your first order it ain't nothing to shake your stick at lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind again that's lucy.co use the code garbage 20 off and here is the fine print gang um
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Shout out to that man now. Because you stink. That ain't nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah, whole body's over it. You got your pits, your balls, your thigh folds, your belly buttons, your butt cracks, and your feet. Sitting right here. I was going to say, that's just on him. It's clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. That means you ain't got to shower when you get home. That's three days right there. Mando deodorant options.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
They have the solid stick deodorant formulated and powered by mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. And they have spray deodorant, aluminum free, ideal for hard to reach places. Damn. I got a lot of them. And here it is. Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice, the mini body wash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I'm a fan of the deodorant wipes. That's just me. We got it here. Whoop, whoop. I do it before we run out for spots. And free shipping, baby. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off the starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you use the promo code garbage at shopmando.com. One more time. Get a pen, get a pencil. S-H-O-P-A.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Sorry, start over. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them the bullies sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence. Head to tell what Mando doing. Now back to the show. Back to the show. Where are you shopping for clothes? That's a very nice. I was a big DX guy myself. Where are you? Where are you purchasing your? We're on a good run here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Let's not go down this rabbit hole. What do you think? I'm just curious. Brooks Brothers thrift stores.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Old Navy, I think. I'm defending him now. What the fuck? You just turned against me? He's a good kid. I'm crying. Do you know how to tie a tie by any chance?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I had girls over and stuff, and they were like, oh, that's kind of weird.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Try to make a move. Try to get your hand over the director's chair.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Also, man, girl from Ghana meeting you, that's like... That's, like, exotic to her. You're, like, you're as Southern American wacko as you can get. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
What's your best of the best? What's the best one you got?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Lose a touch with the common man. I can afford it now. I'm going to treat myself. Holy shit. Have you ever had, like, I feel like any weird disease or medical stuff, like salmonella or Lyme's disease or anything?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
The windshield of the Tacoma is just one big contact lens.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah, I would love that. I went to one. It was fucking wild. It's great. They really put on a show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
This kid's on the fucking up and up, dude. Dude, you are fucking... Things are looking up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
And she's a lot of details that were included in that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Do you have an airline you like to flood? Are you loyal to one airline?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Take that, United. You had your chance. Yeah, we're Delta men. Delta is a fine, fine company, I would say. It's nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I told you he's a writer, fucking guy. God damn it. Look at you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Sorry, I gotta go. I love her. Sorry, I gotta fucking go. My bisexual girlfriend. She swings both ways. Told you about the bisexual part, right? It's real hot, turns me on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
God damn it. Very, very, yeah. A few more AYG questions. Do you have any aunts or uncles that you don't refer to by their first name? Like an aunt or like, you know, an Uncle Knuckles or a fucking Aunt Soupy or something. Aunt Soupy. That's a real one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
That sounds like the most political response I've ever heard in my life. I've heard very good things about this flaw scene. I'm thinking about starting it. Wouldn't happen any other way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Well, is it? I mean, you're a dude. He's got you in some sort of wanderlust. I love him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
He escaped rehab. I ended up in a meds. He's been he referred to it as you went through a lot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
There was direction. He lives in a vampire bed, it sounds like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I got to push back on this. This is fucking easy. He likes frozen Baja blasts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
He can read. I'll give you that. The kid's fucking Georgia trash. You peeing in the shower?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
All right. What do you want from me? Come on, man. He's a good kid. Good kid? Why are you making it sound like I'm trashing him? What the fuck? Got to call balls and strikes. Are we running on a show here? He set a camper on fire and then tried to put it out with fucking nail polish remover. That could have easily been a bottle of Gatorade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah, you know, he becomes the quarterback, starts shortstop, local hero.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Guys, we're all over the road as well. Tour starts very soon. Tickets are going fast. Second shows are being added. Get those tickets while they're still available. And the Route 66 special is out now. Go watch that on our YouTube page. We love you. We love you, gang. Casey, we love you, buddy. I love you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Did you do well? Were you a good student at all or no? Not with the fires in the camper. I don't think you were.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
All right. What did family vacations look like growing up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yes, there was a beach in my father. You guys would have loved it. Did he get remarried? Uh-huh. That's where the half-siblings come from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Hey, go with your mom for a little bit. Get straightened out. You come back. Bang, bang, bang. Was there ever a time you weren't allowed at either one of their houses?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now Spotify. And then check out the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash RU Garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
So it opens up his room. Well, Casey's gone and he's got 35 minutes on us. That boy could be anywhere. Did you have a car there?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
This fat guy's eating the sidewalk. That's not even gingerbread. Solving is the town. It's called Solving. Solving, yeah. Like Solving the Murder. It's in California and it's the Danish capital. So a lot of Danish people live there.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
That's how we end up in some witch's pot or some shit like that. Right this way, boys.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
It's like Midnight Cowboy. We're on a bus. My nose is bleeding. Don't worry, Foley. I'm going to get you there. Nobody saw Midnight Cowboy.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Deep cut. If you watch Graham Norton, you know what I'm talking about.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
There are surgeries for that. I'm a Toblerone man. Don't worry.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
You never had a Toblerone before? You fucking animals. This guy's talking about Mexican Wawa's. The fuck? Get Phoenix back out here, goddammit. Some eye candy.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
One of the only Jewish families in a Danish and Finnish area?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
We did Route 66, tour Chicago to LA on a bus, did nine cities, nine shows in like 10 days, and we filmed the whole thing. A lot of behind the scenes, a lot of the live show. It's a good fucking time. It's a great time.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
This is nice. This is new, isn't it? You don't know. You didn't used to normally do this. The little panel when you come out.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Wow. Holy shit. A little too much time down at the reactor, huh?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
When you said one-offs, you meant one-night stands, right? That's what you meant? Yeah. Okay. I've never heard it put like that before.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
The kid's right. I didn't take my jacket off last night. I thought I was having a goddamn stroke.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That's always the townhouse you die in. That's like when you keep a side house. I think you're onto something. That's always where you get found.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You're not going to fail a drug test. You're going to lose your... You got a morality clause in your contract.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That conversation has to be brutes. No, have you ever? He's great. Yeah, I just saw something with him. I was like, I turned the channel. I thought he was great. I just saw that same thing.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, I don't remember. I remember the.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
When you're showing up to the... That's a big thing now, the fit check when you're showing up to the stadium.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It wasn't like that. So you're showing up just like jeans and a t-shirt.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Big man's teeth don't really read on screen.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It's thicker than my eye. I don't know.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Where did you go? You didn't go to Turkey, did you?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Like a NASCAR wife. I've consulted your guy. Not consulted. He's been pushed on me a little bit. Oh yeah, he's great. Did you go in there and have him do the... No, I poked around a website a little bit. I just can't. When he does that... I don't care enough. There you go. It's already too far gone. You did it when no one went. Did Danny get touched up? Now it would be... You look fine.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
How old are you when you got him?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I don't know. Also, I'm already married. At this point, we got a little bit of success. I ain't on TV. YouTube special, Route 66 at best. Out now. Out now. Go stream it. Go watch it. But it's also like our brand is we're fat dumb idiots who smoke cigs and drink beers.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Which I have to say has never happened. I've never even heard it happen. But like my biggest fear would not be getting them and people being like... Yo, did you get hair transplant? It would be me walking into the room, no one saying anything, and then me walking out and everybody being like, what in the fuck is that? That would kill me. I'm not going to name names.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
bleeding dude the one guy the barstool just did they sent like 10 guys over to get all get it done and should made like a series out of it oh really and uh the one dude's head swelled up it's so insane so mine i would do i would that looks great i didn't even know you had that so mine when i went and got it done i got the surgery right and then
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It came out like I was reading minds.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You were FaceTiming him. He's like, holy shit. Yo, what did you do?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Hold on, I'm getting Powerball numbers. Oh, no, it's happening again. Jerry, Jerry.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Hey, Doc, watch out. That car's going to hit you.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They take strips out. I thought you didn't do the dots. You did the strip.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
So they rip a strip of your jaw off, your back.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I look like a fucking... Dude, that does not look like... I mean, you're cutting out... If you showed me that and said, who is this? Yeah. Never in a million years would I say Danny Sodes glue guy in the locker room. Never in a hockey game.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
And you've got to be in Turkey. Dude, I saw a guy, I was just in Germany and I saw a guy, he's like, you're connecting and he's standing in line, his head's all swollen. And he's like, wait, you're group four for sure. The Manchurian candidate. Yeah. Dude, and the thing is, is you have to soak. That pressure change too on a plane.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Are you laying in a bathtub? I do draw a night. I do love a nice tubby time.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
My head went right there because I laid in a tub last night and so I put my ears under and I shut out the world.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You're doing just plain, you're doing like a lavender or something. No, I'm doing plain epsom salt. I'm a shea butter honey man. What are you talking about? That gets in the cut. Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah, but it relaxes you at the same time. You're stressed out. You just had surgery. Your body went through trauma.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Listen, if I can't take a tubby, I ain't doing it.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, that's how you got to do it. I'm also too big. I don't have a king's tub. I'm too big for a tub. You got to go feed up.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I hope my wife doesn't walk in. Oh, my God. Because my asshole's facing the door. Oh. The dog will pop in sometime. And the way your nuts are resting. It's bad. And your ween. It's just... Dude, your ween's like... It's like when a baby's getting a diaper change and it pees in its mouth.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No, I'm at the point now where if I just keep it tight, I just keep it short and it's fine and it's just going to go and I'm just going to keep getting, stay on top of it, just keep getting shorter and shorter and ride into the sunset. Louie looks good like that. That's what, dude, my dad had, all my uncle, it's like, that's the head I'm supposed to have.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'd be going against the fucking, I'd be going against God if I changed it. My family is supposed to have this head.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm going to just keep the face and then just start slowly going.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm getting hair transplants right away. That's what I'm spending my money on.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dupe something. Wear my helmet all day long.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I can't do the voices. I gotta do something. They go, hey, K.R., K.R., where you get that wave cap at?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'd get a grill. 05, I'm getting a grill.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Go to Jacob, ice my wrist up? So when I was- He was like- I mean, he was in every song.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They don't want street traffic coming in and going in. It's like, come upstairs on the fifth floor to my fucking, to my vault.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
If there's a pile on, he's going to sniff that pile.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No dairy in me. They're on the plane. I got Ian's meal again. Oh, God. Hey, man.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah. They can go there on Tuesdays. Johnny's cooking. You get steaks.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
So it's like you're the bad news in the situation? Of course. Yeah, like you're hanging out with these white devils.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, that's why you're not Tom Brady. It's like that thing of like, dude, if I made... They always go like, a billionaire makes $100 million a day. And everybody goes, I'd work one day a year. That's not how they got there. That's not how they got there, dude. Well, that's also my favorite thing about... Can't you shut it down and throw it in neutral?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Goddamn, what is a gridiron, dog? I'd be so catty. You think I'm coming out first round out of fucking Penn State without grabbing some hair, playing a little dirty? I'm a white kid trying to make a name for myself.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Got to. If you were a baseball player, I wouldn't now. I'm a little more subtle of a guy.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I have a... I bought a Cuban link. You bought a Cuban link? Yeah. How much? It was like one of those cheap... Well, I bought it for something. It's too big and too... It's like a joke. It's too big and too tight for this guy.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
But it was a bit, because the bit is we couldn't afford the flight back. So we take the bus back. Put a Greyhound back. But it was just like, we were like, let's do this for an Instagram video. We'll get in a fucking helicopter. Fly fucking 30 minutes to the show. But then also have to like land. It wasn't like you'd be landing on top. We were doing helium on a Wednesday night.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
When you get to the Michael Jackson level of drugs. Well, it's like the drugs are just fighting the ups and the downs of life. So you're like, I'm a little tired. Let me take something. Oh, that's kicking in too much. Let me take something to get it down. And you're just fucking. Oh, I'd be dangerous.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I had that with morphine after a surgery. I came out fucking... You know how you get the halo? Oh, yeah. I had that around my arm. It's called an external fixator. It was like bars coming out, and I woke up. It was bad. I woke up screaming. I had to be restrained because I was moving my arm, and they were like, I'm crying.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They came over, and they hit me with the first, like, whatever, three cc's of morphine, and that, like... little bit I'm like more and then they can't like dude the warm is like hey you can get there when I start here in the doors I'm still inside kiss me kiss me we're gonna liberate these Vietnamese
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
all along the watchtower bombs are going off in the distance i sucked at football so that's why this fantasy of how much you what do you do with your money it's the best i would i would for sure blow it at that age i mean i blew it up until a year ago these kids aren't doing this so i'm definitely blowing it at 21.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Did I ever tell you that I did the devil sticks at a talent show? So embarrassing, dude. I swear. Great. Sixth.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm on the fence, but you still don't want pussy that much. I was really good at them, right? I was good at my house. Were you doing dueling or was it just you? Just me. Right? On fire.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No, this was at a camp. Oh, fuck. It was even worse.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah. Sure. Yeah, dressed. I remember a Stussy shirt. Thought it was a... I'm a street performer. I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm an artist at this point. Yeah. Baggy cargo shorts. Like, I'm like... Trying to be cool. Anything in the side pockets? Probably not. No. Why? No girls' numbers, I can tell you that.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Here's the Raiders. Here's 5% of the Raiders.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
think. Dude, they were going to carry me out of there. It was... It's a devil stick, Stan. This is an hacky sack. This is Holland, Pennsylvania. Not that many big acts come rolling through.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Sadly enough, they were what I was borrowing from my neighbor. I don't know. It was the night. You didn't know where to get there. You had a traveling circus or something. You couldn't just go buy them at the mall.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dude, so I could do the one, like, spinning around the one. I could do the double. Like, fucking, I could throw it up and fucking bring it back. I was good, right? I was so good. Did you have music? Music, right? What was the song? I forget the song.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
This is just a way to peddle devil sticks.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It was 98, probably. Yeah, something like that. So it was something of the time, for sure. Something hot on the radio.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Don't steal my sunshine. Something upbeat, obviously. Engage the crowd. Oh, you know what?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You think if Tom Brady didn't own the Raiders, he couldn't get tickets? He goes, oh.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That's what happened I didn't account for the lights package they were During the show Dan and I mean I was a little disoriented White snake concert the weekend before like tape up your wrists or anything before the performance or did you just go in? I just went out I'm like dude. I'm so good at these You were very confident. Very confident. We had done a dry run.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
We did a dress rehearsal, but they didn't do the lights because it was the daytime. People are still setting up the room, whatever.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dude, and I'm like, this is, it was a little, I was a little off, a little loud, you know what I mean? You know when you go out for a set and it's just, you're like, it's just not here tonight?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
And I'm like, everything's a little, but it's okay. And I go up. And, man, it just, the strobe lights hit the stick. You lost the pop-up. I lost it, dude. I don't know. It just falls. It didn't fall on you. No, it just falls. All right. And then people are like, oh. Pulled a buckner. Dude, and I just, I mean, I must have dropped it nine or ten times. Oh, that wasn't it? No, dude, just fucking.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Then at that point, your confidence just shot. I can't even do the A plus B over here.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
There's boners you can swing from walking around every block.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, you live in the locker room. You're like, that's Dan. He hasn't been out of the stadium in 48 days. You're like Kanye cutting an elephant.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, so it was like the emotional.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
She goes, can you not call it that? Babe, how's the pump tonight? You come up, you go, it's running. How's she running? She's running. Ready to go. I had to play with the choke a little bit, but I got there. I had to flip the hood.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I had to press that thing to put the gas in there. What are you eating?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I mean, I guess now as I've gotten older, the second time around, it's like, the second time at this age, this wait just ain't fucking happening. Yeah. So I'll make a joke. I'll be like, this is science.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah. I'll laugh about it and be like, we're moving on or whatever. What am I, Latin?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I used to have that feeling. What's the point? Dude, that hit me last night.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I was just like, maybe I could fucking, my wife was sleeping, I'm like, maybe I could fucking snap one off real quick. And I was literally locking, I had to check the front door to make sure it was locked. I'm like, what's the point? What are you doing? I'm going to have to get a paper tag.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Oh, we still got to work. Yeah. And they're not like our work and whatever. Like so different.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They weren't doing talent show devil sticks. I'll tell you that much.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Gay performance, dude. I told Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor this, too. I got a karaoke machine one Christmas and went to my Uncle Ben's house and rapped Puffy and Mace all around the world, been around the world or something. I remember my whole family pipe fitters just going, what the fuck is wrong with it? Looking at my mom, like, you let them sing this music in here?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm a band around the world, and I, I, I, I ain't playing here.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I don't think anyone's even home when he gets home from school. Yeah, what is he watching, MTV? MTV all day, course and daily. That's the problem.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Thank you, buddy. Recent episode of Danny Soads a couple weeks ago.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Illinois. Illinois. All right. I call that Chicago. Okay. Chicago.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I think that's wrong, obviously, but there is the idea of, well, everybody in here is millionaires. But not really. A lot of the guys that are backup linemen. You got to do lunch. I get that, but minimum is also what, like $300,000, $400,000? It used to be $250,000.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Boston nuts. I'll give you that, but it's also like you got the $1.50. I'm not saying it's right, but it's not like they're not charging the people at the soup kitchen and be like, this is a nickel. I don't know. Just give it, you know.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Real Housewives of Gainesville.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dude, I had my cousin married a dude who was on the Texans and he did it right. Got a big contract.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
started like it's just so like fucking he retired at i don't know 33 yeah and he's just like i'm chilling he's diverse it's just like i don't remember who anybody is dude he's like soup for brains but you know he goes i wake up god knows what year it is i'm like you just made every good this thing yeah you're gonna be in a wheelchair shortly yeah but you made a lot of good decisions with it that a lot of people i wouldn't have what's your first move you get sick you can't no nil come out of college penn state linebacker
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Maybe on Monday. I'm talking Friday night. Let's say you're wearing gay. Let's say you're into chicks. A money manager? What? I'd probably put most of it in the S&P at 8%.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That's my guy. I want my money to work for me.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
But you're a white guy. You're doing a white guy chain? That's a big swing. You got to get different jeans.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No, yeah. At this point, who the fuck are you watching so many times?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Okay, so you got two mil. Oh, you're right. Two mil. I think what agents, NFL, it depends on when you get drafted. NFL takes it up to like 5%. It depends on what round you go, I believe.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Also, what state? Is this a state where most of your games aren't paying income tax?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I think if it's in a state. Okay. Let's just say you got a good chunk, but a house is going to be, oh, you don't want her in some fucking crack house.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You got a new. No, no, no. But I'm going to get her like. That's nothing down. That's a $1,000 a month payment you got, Tumel. You're good.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
And it was just, like, everybody was like, dude, this is so gay. Did you guys cut it or keep it? Cut it. Cut it. All right. It's a little different in the sense of you're like, you have to convey that we're going Chicago to LA on a bus straight through fucking nine cities, all these shows. Like, we're trying to show that. But, like, you go, hey, guys, we're good. And you're like, this sucks.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I feel like those are starter wives. They know they're getting clipped. They know they're getting clipped.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
But I don't feel like that's the case, though.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Do a dinner for kids without ears. What?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dinner is ready. That's what I'm writing a check for.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I've been running that commercial a lot. With the Shriners? Stop it.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
We're going to hell. I'll let you do voices.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Escalade. Same situation. Escalade? What is this, 05? The new Escalades are hot. Hummer. And that was 05, 50 cent, spinners, Lambo doors. I might do that down.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
If I can convince my wife to let me get a maroon Escalade truck with the pickup truck, the EXT or whatever, Toto Lambo doors, couple of spinners or the still rims. TVs on the back of the headsets? Ooh.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
What, these things? These things. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. That's all propaganda that's spinning you.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
There's a high center of gravity on there, Jones.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I smash into a fucking... That would crumple a key like a Coors Light key, dude.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Like a Corvette or something with a T-top?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No way you're making MVP with a fucking Camry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A couple of rocks. What are you doing? You off the sauce? No, we're drinking. Okay. Yeah? We were just in Austin for a weekend. Oh, not.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The waiter's like, sir, you've had enough. I'm the angel of death.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, that's a good time. You're cutting up. We were cutting up. Just, yeah, the other patrons did not appreciate our vibes at the time. Was it that or when he got up, the tablecloth was tucked in and he pulled all the silver? It's funny. You were doing the dad thing where somebody would be like, oh, what's that? Can you pass me the butter? He's like, shut up. You're embarrassing us.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We're all like, dude, what the fuck? That was way over the fucking top. That's you too. How much for the children?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I hate that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah. You're embarrassing us. You might get a free dessert.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Whoa, the Leafs. At the table. So it turned to a circle table.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It was bad. Leaf Garrett.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the positive news.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They are cool. It's the hardest thing to quit, they say, is the cigarettes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. Cocaine's harder to get, though. Cigarette, you can pop into the bodega.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You need a guy. Give me a call.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know if that's really the scientific method there that you're applying to the bum skis. That doesn't work with STDs either. I'm clean. Go. This dick still looks all right. Yeah. I have buddies that still, I'm like, guys, you got to, you know, there are a couple of weekend warriors out there. You know, not comics. It'll do, you know, it'll do, it'll do a blow from time to time. Sure.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And I'm like, dude, are you tested it? And he's like, nah, you know, and I'm like, he's like, I've been buying it from the same guy for like 15 years. I'm like, yeah, but he's not getting it from the same place. Like that is, you know, it's such flawed logic, but people are out there just rolling the dice.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He had a pretty good set.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No, they got them in New York Comedy Club. I still see them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. Sometimes they do it like, they're like, oh, we drop them 10 minutes late, you know, before the end of the show. And it's like, they'll drop them at the end of the host. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? It's so quick. I've been, you know, when you sell tickets, finally, you can start saying no checks and they hate you for it. Because they're so weird thing. Yeah. I guess so.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But I can feel a tension with the server.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But, yeah, the idea of dropping checks on the headliner, the guy they came to see, is so backwards.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Exactly. It might happen once a show. And even once a show is not going to fucking sink the club. Yeah, we'll pay for it. I'll pay for it. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Let's not get carried away here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah, that's old. Called you a piece of shit or something like that? I kept putting it on Instagram and it kept getting taken off for like... you know, bad words. You handled that very well.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wait, what did I do? Indeed. Yeah. Zany's hoodie on. I'll wear anything for free.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The wheels are spinning. You're just like, say something funny. Great line.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I feel bad, but the language was a bit much. Now they're throwing her out. But I really want to reason with her. What do you mean I'm promoting it? I'm telling a joke, you fucking psycho. Jesus Christ. I'm seeing red. You can't tell, but I'm so angry. It was a cute little Asian lady with a mask on. The little dance.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, that's insanely small. I can read it. I came to the show last night and I just have to say some of his jokes were disgusting and inappropriate. I'm from New Orleans and I love good comedy, but I feel like it was a waste of my time. I should have just went to the parade. Ah! Sounds like it was written in the 1950s.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, well, you still got it, baby. Why did they send that to you?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
From New Orleans, tits and dicks all over the street and homeless people and your jokes are too much. I love that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes. Do you know how fucked up those are? Man, I hope she gets run over by that terrorist on bourbon. Jesus. Sorry, I'm from there. I like jokes too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's local.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I have one this week. This guy messaged me. I didn't even tell you. It's from like last tour or something. He's like, hey, I remember when you bombed in Rhode Island. And this is from like, dude, we haven't been to Rhode Island since like 2022. And I'm like, ah, it's the beginning of the, you know, I'm like, dude, I'm like fighting with him in my head.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And I'm like, dude, he's like, you were reading out of your notebook. Can you be more specific? Thanks for bringing it back up, you douche. Two years later, you can't let me down a C-plus set? You know what I mean?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The internet does that. You ever tweet something, and then you're like, oh, I misspelled something. So you edit it, and then one guy has to go, I saw the edit, you cum guzzler. And you're like, all right, I spelled it wrong. Why are you mad at me?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Sorry if it's my turn signal back there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Dude, it's been living in my head. It's like shook me all week. I'm like, this guy's sitting at home for fucking two years. Worrying about one fucking tough set. God damn it. Don't you wish we had a late show? I got checks.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I had one guy go, you ever had, like, a hot set? You do, like, a killer tight hour, and one guy goes, a lot of new stuff. You working it out? Like, no, no, that was all, like, eight months old. That'll be something in a couple of months.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Man, what a fucking hilarious review for the movie.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I know, I know. Jesus Christ. That sucks.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But I was like, come on. Albert Brooks has a thing called a CompuSalt. He's like, if you wait with an audience member long enough, they will find a way to insult you. Oh, that's great. That's good. Dude, we were loading into a venue. Somewhere. Loading in. Jeez, I picture him on a forklift.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's a rascal, but you're not far off.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He's grabbing a chicken finger as we walk through the kitchen.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We were walking through the kitchen and, you know, it's like the two waitresses, they were probably like early 20s, didn't know us or the show or whatever. And they were just like, what the fuck is this show? And you're just like, I sold it the fuck out. You can learn the name of it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They make fun of each other. I don't know. I don't even think they're comedians. Jesus fucking Christ, ladies. I'm not a magician.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay. Check out the Route 66 special out now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's not a bomb. Let's be honest, though. Those Yelp reviews, though, aren't always helpful. Sometimes you can tell it's somebody having a personal thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You really got to grade on a curve. You got to go, like, I was just looking at something, a product, and me and my wife were thinking about buying, and it was like, the battery sucks, the battery. And I'm like, all right, well, then if there's 10 people saying the battery sucks, then you go that way.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Throw that name in there, yeah. And what a horrible headline that would have been. Sam Morrill and little guy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
yeah true that lady with you was either like a look at me moment you know what i mean that had nothing to do with you right yeah i try to i try to talk to my wife about it it's like we see so many people like you know you do even if you're just doing shows in the city it's like a club's a hundred people so you're in front of yeah communicating with a hundred people over and over over and over maybe you know you might do that fucking 10 times a week yeah
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's like the average person does not communicate with 100 people in a month. Of course. You're going to statistically. Statistically, we're just seeing more. You're like, oh, that's just mental illness. That lady's. And it's one out of 100. So actually, your odds are pretty damn good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I hate that shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They're just looking for it. They're looking for the confrontation. I don't know if we should even bring this up, but do you guys see that Alec Baldwin thing? No. Oh, I thought you were talking about the gunshot. I was like, oh yeah, we saw that. What happened?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
This kid is dressed as Trump, and Alec Baldwin's like, he's pulling his luggage out of a car at his house, and he's just trying to go upstairs, and the guy's like, oh, you shot a lady, but he's doing it as Trump, and Alec Baldwin goes, if you weren't filming right now, I'd break your fucking neck. My kids are inside. But he leans in. It's real movie.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's real like, he leans in, he's like, listen, if these cameras weren't here right now, I'd break your fucking neck. Dude, he takes so much shit. We also know he's a comedian. I know. Oh, really? Yeah. Do we? I mean, I know who he is, yeah. It's pretty shitty to do to this guy. I mean, the guy's just trying to get into his apartment.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. Pull her out. I haven't seen Lucci in a minute. I mean, she's aged for sure.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah, because they want the clicks. I was leaving the cellar the other night, and I was getting picked up at Ben's, and there was two comics barking for one of the clubs, and the guy's like, yeah, I don't want to get seen until my material's ready. And I'm like, that's probably like an eight-month comic making that decision of like, But you have to be like, do I want to get likes right now?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's a smart kid right there. At eight months in, this guy's having this conversation.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm not ready to be sued. Anonymity is underrated. It's mature.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The guy stayed in the pocket. You got to hand it to him. Yeah, man. I fucking love him. He delivered it like Jack Donaghy did. I love him. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We need more bald ones out there. I love them. I do, too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Just let him go. I don't understand it. He shot the wrong person. I saw him in JFK recently. What? No. I don't know. I was. He was walking by himself. And everybody was just like, yo, Alec. And it was kind of like a hero's walk. I get it. It's New York, so he's very liberal. But it was like... It was great to see everybody like, because you only see him at his fucking lowest anymore.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You see him in like a murder trial. He's getting accosted on the street.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
His legs look really bad in the second Comedians in Cars, though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And they're walking on his knees. He's got bad fucking. Hit you with a miniola two-step fucking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Really?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's in the dock, I think. Well, he's an Irish guy from Long Island with four brothers.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You know the guy did some whaling. Yeah. And I think he played hockey as well. He's the oldest brother, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, can you imagine the four Baldwin brothers back in the late 70s just running Clemson. Billy, Stephen, the other guy. I mean, it must have been nuts.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I helped her with her bag. He helped her with her bag. He was trying to show off. Excuse me, young, hot, strapping guys. I'm listening. Yeah, helped her with her bag. He would have been nothing. Proper rich woman. Sure. Look at that. She got cash. What is she, a... Pop star? I mean, soap star? All My Children. That's the one.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Watched him last night. He looks good. Blue eyes, black Irish. Woo, baby. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Beetlejuice. He had a run. Look at that hair.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Jet black.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Quite a kick. Kieran Culkin. Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk. Come on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I did hear that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I had to follow Bill Burr at New York Comedy Club the other night. Murder! Like, you feel like, ah, I haven't seen the guy in a while. I wonder how he's doing. Maybe working out some shit. He killed. I mean, unlike your Rhode Island set. He really crushed. Can't a guy work on material? I'm sending an email. Killer stuff. We hung out a little bit. What a fun guy. That's awesome.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He also did a lot of dark shit, and the crowd pulled back. He's like, you fucking New Yorker. He did that whole thing, and you're like, yes, he still got some edge, and he yelled at everybody. That's awesome. I've never really had any real interactions with him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think we have it on set.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hey.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Jesus Christ. A family program. All right. Look at Danny, man. That guy is bloated. All of them. Exactly. Just killing it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Those guys coming home from high school with the football jersey still on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. They're the LIRR. They're just running train.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Not true. He's got to be 5'4 if he's a foot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know what I know her from. Susan Lucci is? All My Children. That's Elon's new show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the first thing I think. When I see an old rocker, I'm just like, man, the trim this guy must have slipped through. Look at these guys. These guys were just pounding gas. Dude, they were fucking loaded. Oh, yeah. Blue Oyster Cult. Are they Long Island? Yeah. No shit. Blue Oyster Clan.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Twisted Sister, I think, really never got out of New York, I feel, right? I see Dee Snider all the time. Yeah. Where do you see him? He's in the village, just walking around, drinking coffee. Did you ever hear his story? He was completely broke, working a day job. This is after Twisted Sister. He was working at like the front desk of like a tanning salon or something crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And someone came to him to write Christmas music for somebody. And it turned into like three famous Christmas songs that are written by Dee Snider. Can we look up what the songs were? Yeah, he tells this. Dee Snider, what Christmas songs he wrote. He tells the stories. He was working at the front desk of like a dentist office or a gym or something like that. That dude's got a fucking look.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. From far away. For Celine Dion. Him and Judy Gold. Wait, do they pour some sugar on me? No, that's Def Leppard. Sorry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Is that it? What's Dee Sniders? Dee Sniders says, yeah, I want to rock.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We're not going to take it. Hilarious. Whatever pays the bills. Sure. Comedians can't do that. We can't come up with Christmas jokes that pay off the debts. Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah. Just go out once a year like a mall Santa Claus. Yeah, like December to January, you just clean up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What's the deal with the oolongs?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And it's just all holidays. Oh, that's amazing. The goal. Love the goal.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. Yeah, I hope so. I love horns. So do the Jews.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Same.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
This is just with plays when you walk through New Orleans. This is just what you hear. Oh, dude, we were just walking and we heard some great shit. Just local musicians there. I know. It's incredible. I went to the Blue Note once. I was like, I've seen this on the sidewalk in the Big Easy. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Blue Note up here, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Always.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, people love jazz. It's still like you go to the, what's the other one? There's a couple. Smalls. Smalls, that's the old school joint. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. There's another one. There's like four in the village that are still there. I would love to do comedy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I thought it'd be fun to go from jazz club to jazz club. Very cool. Comedy and jazz are kind of a similar vibe. Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. Call it Notes. You bringing notes up? Don't do that. Rhode Island don't like it. All right. Spike you up on some heroin? All right, let's see these questions, eh, Fatty? Hit me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. This whole court's out of order.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Are you on mic?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You got to do it. I mean, I had a lot of money on that hockey game, U.S. versus Canada. Cleaned up. You bet on Canada? You scumbag. Well, you know, Trudeau is the governor. Hey. All right. That was good. That was perfect. All right. Hey, folks, if you need a little boost, embrace the power of nature and elevate your day with Vaya. I looked it up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Via Hemp products range from 0 to 100 milligrams of THC so you can choose your own adventure. They've got THC and THC-free gummies and vapes, THC-A flowers, topicals, and even calming drops made from the highest quality American-sourced hemp products. I can't sleep, I pop one of these dreams, and I am in la-la land, baby.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
oh yeah yeah they got it all whatever you need thc no thc cbd gummies flour they got everything you can find your perfect dose there's no medical card required and via ships legally at almost every state in the u.s if you're over 21 check out the link to via in the description and use code drunk to receive 50 off and if you're new to via get a
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
free gift of your choice after you purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them support the show tell them we sent you elevate your life with via uh i shit crouching over in a public toilet that's not okay that's what i'm saying these are like is it garbage oh they think they're be uh are they hovering that's not what it means like they're crouching over the
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'd do a hover if I'm real janitor.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Not. I mean, it's never. It's like if there's pee and shit on the toilet seat and I don't have time to be like, I got to be a janitor and clean this. Yeah. I'll do my best to hover. Do you do the little saran wrap thing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And open up. Yeah. He's got a wild, we've talked about this a bunch, but he has an insane public bathroom. What is it? Ritual. Hit me, Fatty.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, I've done that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think it's a little weird.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's crazy to me. I'll do like toilet paper or, you know, I'll give it a once over visually.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do I have to spend $9.99? Pull up a squatty potty.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Why not just get a cinder block? Because you're supposed to poop with your knees higher.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do you want to be an idiot? There's got to be an easier way. I've got to spend... $25 on a piece of plastic? You get saved 10%, 15% on your first order of promo code garbage. What are you talking about? I get six Bibles and a Koran, and we're back in business. That's more than $24.99. I got them at home.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do you have a Bible at the house? I got many. Really? Why? I used to sell them. Is that true? Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Paper moon. Good. Dude, I had, it's because it's like, you know, kind of opens, it lines everything up and opens the door. I went out drinking one night real bad and I had fucking bud mud. Diarrhea with one of those things. It is like, I almost ended up in the apartment above us.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I just got the standard Joan.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Why is it better for you? Lines you up. See how your colon is kinked, I guess, or your rectum? I don't know what it is. Would this work for anal sex? Sure. Yeah? You'd think the knees should be up. Oh, let's hit the bathroom and figure it out.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think that gets them to buy it. Get that Bible. Let's go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Damn. You don't do that? I do it. Yeah, it feels good. Yeah. It does feel better. I remember when body pillows were back then. I had a body pillow. Oh, yeah. Remember the boyfriend pillow? What's that? Me neither. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I was just happy to be out of there. Yeah. You're just getting random guys. And we've always been like, hey, man, can you slow down? And they're like, no, I'm doing the speed limit. It's like you're doing 95 miles an hour right here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
There you go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's nice. Clean living. Oh, yeah. I love it. Wait, oh, go back to the questions. You ever been so hungover? Speaking of dirty toilets, you ever been so hungover where you're, like, yakking or you got food poisoning and the toilet's filthy, but you don't give a shit? Yeah. You're in such bad shape, you're, like, leaning on the fucking porcelain.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The relief of it is better than whatever you're getting. There's a turd floating in the air. You couldn't care less.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes. You're, like, switching over. Exactly. Shift change. Yeah, awful. All germophobia goes out the window.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, I did that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hell yeah. They're not raw. They come cooked. They're just cold. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What the fuck?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
This is a fucking twisted sister, man. If you don't eat ass, I'll be confused. My favorite. All right. He uses a squirt. Get the squatty potty.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It was like a secret. Oh, it was right guard? Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Interesting. Yeah. It's similar to like a push pop when you think about it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. We had this pink medicine that was so fucking good. I know exactly what you're talking about.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I love it. Pull it up. I love Dimetap too as a kid. Great Dimetap. Get you back in here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
29 minutes. She probably makes more money than all of us. Yeah. Yeah, right?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Is that why you're hard? Butter tuck.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Here we go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do you find Matt Salkew's cute? Is he trashy? Circle yes or no and pass it back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know. Well, the good thing about the tour bus drivers is that's, like, very... There's a lot of oversight. They have to turn in their journals and shit. Sprinter companies, like limo companies, they're just running and gunning. That guy's probably working at Amazon during the day and then being like, I'll drive your van at night.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All class, baby. All class, kiddo.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Huge crossover.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. Sunday night. We come out Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. Oh, you guys are doing two a week. We do four episodes a week between Patreon and Law.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
maybe a little bit I mean we're coming off of the we did a wild run promo for the special so it's like yeah we're fucking gassed a little bit when you do a live show on the road how much is stand up how much is like crowd questions we each do about 25 minutes of stand up and then we do about a half an hour of are you garbage with the crowd Oh, that's fun.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, no real heavy lifting, you know. And you film all that, and that could be Patreon. Yeah, so the special, we're dropping it. We did Route 66, Chicago to L.A. We filmed, like, essentially a special at every show. It was, like, nine shows from Chicago to L.A. And then we have the bus. Do you ever see, like, Vince Vaughn's Wild Wild West? Yeah. It's, like, our version of that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
or comedians of comedy or whatever. So it's a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff. Is this going to pay off? No, we're in the hole.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the state of entertainment. Sure. It's also like we wanted to do it like it'll be fun to be on a bus for two weeks just fucking seeing this crazy shit. To do it for the life experience. And then also it's like we've gotten this far by making bad financial decisions to an extent.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You know what I mean? That's garbage. Yeah, it's like, let's use it to make cool shit and have fun. You've got to remember the fun part, because a lot of people are like, ah, you're doing that gig, the money's not great. I'm like, it's going to be a blast. Like, fully loaded, you might actually make more if you did your own headlining. Sure. But you've got to go...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Get drunk, get in a fucking hot tub. I look at Ari a lot for that. It's a good life experience. It's cool. Totally. When he would get you guys to go do four guys in wherever and then go skiing or water flying or whatever. I'm like, that's a cool weekend. that I would like to be able to do as we do. Ari might be a little, he's like, I'm doing a gig in Gaza. He pays $6.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I get to wear a bulletproof vest.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, that must have sucked. Oh, that was where the drugs and the booze came.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
There's like no Uber. You just got to get a car with wherever. Yeah, it's like sucked.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I know. It's a hard living. It's like being a country singer in the fucking 60s.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A lot of heroin. Yeah, we're very fortunate just to like... It's like we're hanging with three or four of our friends. Well, you gotta think comedy is fairly new as a job and an art form. So we've kind of perfected it just now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You can make your own shit. You can post your own shit. You can pick who you want on the road. You can pick what gigs you want. You can say no to a check spot. Like, it's really... I mean, there's so many guys doing monster shows.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I just did an arena with Gillis on Saturday. Nuts. And you're like... We're at the Four Seas. I mean, the whole thing's insane. You're like, we're just telling jokes. This guy's a drunk and fat, maybe retarded, and we're having a great time. How awesome is it? Yeah, we were watching down the fucking thing, and we're closing out in L.A. at a theater, and I literally looked at him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm like, we do a theater? This is crazy. It's crazy. We fill a theater with people from him calling me bald and me calling him fat. It's incredible.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's like Elvis.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's a funny monologue. It's really funny. Yeah, his level of, it's like, well, you're like, geez, dude, I was in the bathroom at the Creek and like the walls were shaking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A riot broke out. Yeah, it was a crazy weekend. Minneapolis, we're at the hotel at the bar. Santino is doing his Hulu. He's also at the hotel. So we got to hang out with him. Kevin Hart walks up. No shit. He was at the hotel and he was doing some big arena, club, whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We chatted with him. He's little, nice. Now you bump into Kevin Hart. Does he know who you are? Zero. I've met him 38 times. I call him. I say, I'm Kevin Hart on stage. And no one sent him that, you think? Maybe, but I think he's just so busy. He's in an ice plunge or he's working out. It's also, you think, like, I think of that, too, of, like, how busy you are.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
How busy, you know, the four of us are. And then imagine how busy that fucking guy is. He's on Jumanji 9. He's got, like, you know, he's got a family. It's just wild.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Well, Shane invited Kevin Hart. I was like, hey, I'm at the arena. Come pop on after. And he was like, I don't know. We'll see. So the whole time, you see Shane on stage closing. Checking, yeah. And Kevin Hart's a little guy. So he was really like... Is that a little five foot one black over there? What is that? And we saw him after and he was like, I'm not doing that shit. I got my own show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm not going to close out your dumb show. I was like, that's a good point.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I know, I know. And he's like, I'm not popping on your show. You pop it on my show. I'm Kevin Hart.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Kevin Hart actually did some room called The Ambassador, which is like this big music venue, but he did like 18 of them. Yeah. Probably him working on material.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, sell 8,000 seats a night to work on material.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He was filming in Philly. I think that movie with Bryan Cranston or whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
So he shot in Philly. They just opened. That's a pretty big room, that Punchline. Sure. I think he did like 20 shows in a week because he's like, I'm here filming anyway. So just like two a night. And the rumor is that he got the parking. His own guys. He's like, I'm going to bring in a third party to get the part. And it was like $50 to park.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And I don't know if he took that money or he just gave it to his boy, like, you know, hooked his boys up. But that was the understanding is he had a parking deal. That's crazy. A businessman mentality. If you do 20 headline club shows, you could almost work out your whole hour. Like, you could just finish it. That's a year and a week. Exactly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A year and a week. Holy moly. Man. That's it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wait, wait. I didn't know he's doing a stand-up. No. Do a stand-up movie. Yeah. There's a lot of stand-up movies. They're just very rarely done well. What's his?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I didn't want to say that, but yeah. It's all about the Kramer incident. He plays Kramer?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, Philly's having a moment.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Huh.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Boy, just wrap it up and get out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And then you're like, it exists in Philly. So it's a famous guy in Angelo's. And I think there's probably some variation, but it's very much. But he's back there cooking. He's back there cooking, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
you shouldn't have had three three that's not a hot that's a miscarriage peeing's one thing but when you got a dump and you know that you're at least like 20 minutes like there's nothing in sight man that's a cold sweat that you never forget but back to these these drivers are always a little off there's always a good way a diddle or a drug history or a prison time there's always something burt's guy got kicked off for being anti-semitic really yeah he got in a fight with
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Working like 13-hour days as a camera operator.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Political answer coming in hot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. Fucking pretty motherfucker. I do love when these actors do extra shit, like Daniel Day-Lewis became a cobbler. Yes. For like 10 minutes, and then he was like, all right, I'm going back. I know. They always go back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They made two of those fuckers. I was the second. Oh, yeah. European.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
ladies man houseboat bill moments it's ladies man was all right is he was at the snl 50th which i love to see because it's like this super conservative has gone off on these crazy rants and he has to they all have to play nice with rob schneider which is like you know snl is like the most liberal show ever and they show they shove his ass in there i bet he was so uncomfortable yeah he went a little uh kooky patooky right oh yeah
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't keep up on the day-to-day. That Twitter will get you. It'll get you. You know, you have a few cocktails, you're in a hotel room alone, you start getting after it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, it's got Roseanne, too. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Let me get this guy a glass of cup of decaf. Have a Chardonnay or something. Salicus, your lady got a bottle thrown at her and you went after the guy. Oh. A rock, sorry. Salicus got a little fire in him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You can tell.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Whoa. How'd you get pictures of homeless guys?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You started just taking pictures of random homeless guys. I was like, is this him? Probably beautiful pictures, too, by the way. Yeah, he's good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's my trash can. I'm heating up an hour in. What's that guy? People of New York? Isn't there a guy who does hobos? Humans of New York? You can just say you're that guy. I was walking my dog with my wife about 9, 10 o'clock at night in my neighborhood. Saw three kids across the street, and you could just tell. It was like out of a movie. The one kid was afraid, so he was hanging back. Uh-oh.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The other kid pulled up. I think they're called the Shiesties. He pulled the thing up over his face. Oh, boy. And they were following a woman. And I'm like, the energy of this just isn't good. Yeah. But she didn't seem nervous. And then a bus pulled up and stopped, so I couldn't see. But they ran up and grabbed her bag or whatever. What? So I just hear her screaming, and I'm proud of her.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Well, he put a word in. Yeah. But he was nuts. He tried to fight a guy. He was crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I took off and fucking chased them. All right. I mean, I knew I wasn't going to catch them. Was it a fake chase where you put the effort in? I waited for the light. I waited for the crosswalk. What kind of dog you got? A dog that will bite them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But I gave the dog to my wife because I was like, you stay here. I'm with the dog. Damn. Is that him?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, shit. Yikes. The city's going to shit. I know. Look at this. No one cares. That's weird. They're just like, ah, Kanye's here. Yeah. I don't know. It looks so weird. Which is the least racist thing I've ever said. They don't look alike. Man, this city, I'll tell you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I was on the wrong leg.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's always going to be great, though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Was he Muslim?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think it came... I don't want to... Maybe I should bleep the name. But he said something and... was like, I'm Jewish. And he goes, oh, I didn't know you were Jewish. You fucking beep, beep, ba-doop, boop, boop. And he bought a Kanye shirt. And we're back. That's all. I mean, we kind of, because we do long runs. We do like a week-long run, like one-nighters back to back to back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Deserved to be locked up? Manhunter. Now, did you get a description of the guy?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay, so that helps.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wow. Oh!
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know. He has. I've gotten the brunt of it. Like, I wasn't directly hit, but I was around it, and it hurts.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I thought she was sleeping.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. We were in college and a fight broke out in the stairwell. And there was like 10 people. And nobody would stop. The kids whose house was like, knock it off, knock it off, knock it off. I was down at the bottom. And somebody, he just went and got a fire extinguisher. It just... down the fucking thing, and everybody just was like, it just diffused the entire situation. Now that's kitschy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's what you need, Salicus. That's fun. That didn't hurt anybody. All right, I'm out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He's sending these pictures to his wife.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Give me a hit right on Rodney right there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, really? Even the gel? Not the gel? Go ahead and hit me on the We Might Be Drunk poster there. Can we get a shot of this? I got lunch after this. You're spraying it on a burrito. It's still pepper. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, we need content as we kill ourselves. I want to see this gel. Man, we got to walk by this. You got it. You'll be fine. You like jello. He sprays himself in the face.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wait a minute. Okay. That's a great Bargetti line when he's like, yeah, he got maced or something. And they're like, was it mace or pepper spray? He's like, what kind of life would I be living if I could tell the difference? He's good. He's good. I think his first album that was. Oh, we're fucked.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, I got a whiff. Did you really? I got to fart and clear the air. Damn. Come on, Mark.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You're getting nothing. What are you guys, crazy? I'm deeply inhaling. I'm getting nothing. Come over here. It's pretty crazy. There's a guy walking around my neighborhood now who's just taunting women and just being like, you fucking dumb bitch, I'll kill you. But he's not doing anything illegal enough to where the cops could arrest him and prosecute him, so they're just not even arresting him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You sure he's not just doing crowd work? He's got a camera. Is that Jeff Dye? Having a bad day.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. You see, it's the gel. Nice. There you go. So, yeah, the guy's taunting women. And they just can't arrest him. It's been about five weeks. Norman's like, I've never been to your neighborhood. It's been about over a month now, and he's been arrested once this week, and he's already back out on the street that same day. That's not illegal. I know. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And we're living in these fucking sprinter vans with guys you don't know. Sometimes he's driving like four. I'll drive.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He tries to put cigs in kids' mouths and stuff like that. He says he's going to kill your dog. Oh, I just got a whip. Did you really? Yeah, I got in the throat. It's a bad hang.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No. You wish.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't have it yet. I got it in the throat. Unless I have COVID.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
If it's over, we'll just get, sometimes we'll just get a minivan. And if it's over, if it's under four, I'll do it. Yeah, that's. I like driving. It's fun. We'll do a podcast. And we all fall the fuck. These guys fucking suck. You put me in a car. He's out. I know, but you got to keep the driver company. That should be shocking. He's typically shotgun, man. But that should be the.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What about the peanut butter with the oil? Does that work for that? What peanut butter? You know the oily peanut butter? No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You don't buy that. You're a Jif man.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You just give it in your pocket?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I can't live without peanuts.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That might work. I'm not an allergy guy, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, it goes in and out. What were you saying?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No. I can't go a day without peanut butter.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's good protein. Oh, yeah. It's bad for you. It's bad for you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's true. That's my zin, is peanut butter. I just put it right here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Everyone loves zin. Everyone loves this shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah, they'll get you. Yeah. You've got to get you some healthy vices. See, the Nutella guy died. Yeah, you were the biggest Nutella guy I've ever met.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's no good for you. That's my N-word. Love Nutella. The guy who created it, guys? Yes. They spread his ashes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think Mark's getting hit with that pepper spray.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Co-creator. Died on Valentine's Day. Helping develop Tic Tac, Kinder Chocolate, and Ferrero Rocher. Wow. Oh, shit. That's a little bit of cake.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Tic Tac.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's hilarious.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, I could go local for that kind of stuff. I had 1-800-Flowers and went local and felt pretty good about it. Yeah, go local. You got to go local. You're right. I went local. My guy got deported. He's gone. He's on a plane with a dozen roses in his hand.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That Tom Holman guy is terrifying. You see that guy? He's like the ice head. No. He's just yelling at people. I don't follow the news. Oh, man. He's like, we're going to come to your house. We're going to pull you out by your hair and kick you in the pants. That guy? That guy. Look at that guy. Yeah. That's wild. He's got a taffer energy about him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the, you know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay. Also, the amount that shirt's sticking out of the suit collar is a, whatever, tough look.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, we're fine. It was gel. Yeah, it was Joe. That walk-by is going to be rough. That's true. You know it's going to be bad. Well, Rachel's going to be like, smells familiar.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I like Taffer.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He does probably like 30% of them now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I really do like, I mean, the show kind of stinks and stuff.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He's the first one out. He'll be out by the end of this. But so we're to bypass all of this for this tour that's starting as we're like today, we're buying a fucking big conversion van. And we're going to use that like we have one of our buddies is going to drive it. And we're going to use that as like a tour bus like that's in Detroit. What's a conversion van like with the captain?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's like all that fucking mixology shit. The one bartender was Johnny Tips. It's like a weatherman in L.A., dude.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Three bartenders were all on that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right? What are you doing? The best is the guy who tries to fight Taffer. He's like, I've been running this business for 30 years. You're not going to come in and tell me how to do it? I got my daughter. She's pregnant. She's on the fryer.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The one that found a cockroach and the guy's like, you fucking planted that. He's like, what, you just walk in and there's a dead cockroach in the dining room? We've never had cockroaches?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the producer in them. Yeah. Keep it going. Keep it going. Ramp it up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Who was his chef? I mean, that's just like what? That's just that industry. Chef culture. Great chefs. Yeah. Two British guys fighting. That might be at the top.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, this is the reality show.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah? Yeah. Make sure they're rolling.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Whoa! Whoa! Take that, you limey! Welcome to America!
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, exactly.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Suck my dick!
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's a twenty twenty four. Oh, OK. OK. Now we're talking. No way. No, not the Mitzvah tank. excuse me, sir, are you Jewish?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, he's set for life, that guy. I mean, I would eat there every day.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You bitch.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Here's your omelet, dog.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Thank you. And then the Back on the Block tour starting March 8th in Pontiac, Michigan. Then we're going all through the Midwest. Indy, a lot of them are sold out, but Indy, Madison. Milwaukee. Milwaukee, Minneapolis. Then in April we got Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh and Cleveland, and then we're taking the summer off. Woo! You guys prefer a club? What do you guys do? Music venues?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We've cracked into theaters a little bit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We like some of the theaters. Love the Wilba. Theaters on a weekend. And if we're doing a week, then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday will be clubs. Good call.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, Punch-Up. Shout out to Danny.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Look at that. Cleveland sold out. Cleveland always coming through. We'll do the really good clubs. Like Cleveland, Hilarities, Hobbs.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I love that room. Great room. That's a classic. Tough to get to that bathroom, but yeah. Yeah, that bathroom's tough. That bathroom's rough. But yeah, we try to do the clubs that we really like and then theaters in the bigger cities. Hell yeah. All right, all right, all right. Uh-oh. The den. When does this come out? The den theater. Oh, second. Got it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm building up. I'm almost done with the hour, but I'm doing the Adam Ray thing, the Dr. Phil in Chicago. So I said, fuck it. Let me go the night before and do the den. Great room. Great room. Love it. So I'll be doing the den. That'll be coming up. Might sell out. Atlanta's Casino in Reno, which is like Vegas' Downsy little brother. Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Then we're at the Nashville Ryman, Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville. Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, Ithaca, Reykjavik. Then we're going all the way to the U.K. and whatever that is. And, yeah, all kinds of stuff. Cardiff, Birmingham, London, Glasgow. That's where they'll stab you over there. There you go. Belfast, Rochester, Portchester, Albany.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, really? Really. Oh, get it.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No shit. Yeah, that's right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Two of the best. We love you. We love you guys. You guys are the best. I noticed you guys skipping Rhode Island. Hey. Hey. We're working on New England. Calcues, get the mace. Jail this pussy quick.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, he's killer. You had Nate recently. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun. He was great. Yeah, he was fantastic. Oh, yeah. I mean, he came in and kind of broke the game. He just said yes to every question. Like, have you done this? He's like, yeah, I'll do that. Jesus Christ. Just don't fart on him. That's all I've heard. He hasn't been back since.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes. All right, boys. Thanks. Love you guys.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Thank you, everybody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But think about it. These truck drivers, they're in the same world. They're all these driver guys. The truck driver just got busted for killing hookers. You see that? No. Yeah, pull that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We loved that. This guy's everywhere.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Look at that. These are the last things I want to watch before we go on the road next week. This is why I fly. I don't like the bus.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, those things are falling out of the sky. What is going on with this? As another one popped down, apparently. Today? It's the new school shootings. I'm calling it now. They're once a week, and I stopped caring.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I saw something. It was a girl who had, like... I don't know. This could have just been, like, you know, propaganda on X. I don't know. But they were... Which is most of it now, I feel. They said she had very low hours. Like over the co-pilot who was like an 80-year seasoned vet. I'm not one of these guys like, hey, women shouldn't fly planes. But it is weird to me that they hate it. I am.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What the fuck are we talking about? Well, they hate the women flying the plane. That's what's even weirder. That they hid the fact.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I guess so.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Right.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Deep cut. I like it. Yeah, yeah. The pilot shit is scary. Something's going on in the skies. Something is going on.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What the hell is this? The window crank is broken.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Sometimes they just fucking send you right up. We need Sully. We didn't know what we had. Yes. Sully was the man. That would never happen again, though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That was like a half-court shot at a basketball game. Got a big check. You ever hear him? He takes control. He's like, everybody shut the fuck up. Fuck off. No. Sit down. I'm landing this fucking bird in the river. And everyone's like, what the hell? He literally like. We need that guy with the salt and pepper.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Now, you see there's a spider bit a guy, bit a pilot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hey, folks, we're here. We're doing it. We're back in New York. It's 55 and sunny. It's glorious.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
DI is out of control.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That sounds like spirit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'd take the flight. That's crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Just get me to land. Great bit. Change your name when you get back to Manhattan.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hey, look at this. Get in here.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes, it's like guns. They say you're more likely to get killed in a pool. Then a gun. Really?
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, that too. That too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Then you'll understand. Horrible shot. I'm pretty sure pools are the number one for family members. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Really? 100 times higher than a firearm. But yet no one has any pool protests. Interesting. They put the gates up. That's true. That's the safety.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's true. Very true.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A gun, you could just get a gun. Hartman could have used a gun. Shot that lady. He got shot, right? No, no, pool. No, he got shot by his wife. No disrespect. Oh, wait. I thought he died in a pool. No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes, tub. Tub on crack. No, get out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. I think that's about to be a strictly shower guy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Well, sometimes you save a buck.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
There's been times, I've said this before, there's been times where, like, because he's typically up so early, me and him, we'll hit the air... I don't want to miss the breakfast. We'll hit the breakfast, just me and him, like, outside of the group chat. We'll say, oh, you up? And then... There'll be times where nobody knows. You up is the hotel breakfast. Yeah. You up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They got a waffle maker. Oh, I'm in business. And there'll be times where like no one's heard from him and like, you know, lobby calls like 10 a.m. and no one's. And I'm like. There's times where, like, we're 10. I'm like, man, I could have to go to the front desk. Oh, come on. Shipping his fucking fat ass home.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Sorry. Taft got stuck in the tub. Taft got stuck in the tub. Also survived the gun show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Breaking news. Plane crash.
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Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay. Huh. Yeah. Where was he swimming after he got caught? Is that breaking news? This just in 1979.