Kevin Ryan
Appearances
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, I'm just, you know. We went to dinner last night. He had lobster three ways. He had three different kinds of lobster. All right, listen.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Wait. Poached, fried, grilled. He had a lobster taco.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. You ordered the lobster taco. No, it's my fault. You ordered the other two types of lobster for yourself.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But that's the one place we do splurge. Food. Steakhouse. And we really, we don't go anything. It's typical. We'll go heavy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, it was just like, that's what, I mean.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
What the fuck is you're dropping that on me now, Tommy Buns?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That place was expensive.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That place was, that was a heavy bill.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It felt like we were in like a log cabin in the 80s. It was fucking, dude, the seats were ripped. It was fucking bad.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We probably shouldn't have been in there. I'm literally, I have this exact outfit on. I got a backwards hat on. Our producer's blind drunk, kicking shit, like falling into things. I was wearing a bathing suit. What? At Three Forks? We are who we are, Tommy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I'm pretty sure they thought we weren't going to be able to cover the check.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You guys were just animals? Yeah. We started day drinking at like two. Okay. We went to Cisco's and East Tech. Shout out to, I don't know if you've ever been to Cisco's. Great Mexican food.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We're like, let's have a beer here. The weather was nice. It was like 75. Let loose, man. It was our only off day.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Nine guys. Nine dudes. Nine dudes. Nice. So it was me, him, two openers, Sam and Tommy, a tour manager, and then the crew was three people and a producer. And a bus driver who hated our guts. We thought he was either deaf or didn't speak English for the first four days. And it turned out he just didn't like us.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We were a scene for that place. It's not like we had each other in headlocks and, you know, trying to put each other out or anything.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Quietly.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It would have buried us. Yeah, hometown. It's also, like, we got our, you know, I don't know if you know, like, Tommy Pope, Chris O'Connor, Gilly. And we always go to the game. Like, we always go to Philly's games or whatever big games together. And it was like... It was like rally the troops type thing. And I was like, I don't fucking know.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Also, we're going to have to pay for tickets like fucking schlubs. Oh, my God. I'm hitting up everybody. And I'm hitting up our agents. Like, you made us like $700 last year. Get out of here. They're like, we can get you into the party.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, no way. No. It was also very, like, the Philly mentality is, like, we don't win, like, we have to eke out weight. It's just very much, like, tooth and nail. And then to have that, you're like, what the fuck?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, wait. Maybe I'm thinking of something else.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I mean, probably a little bit, but nothing like. What did he not like about you? Just our faces.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We're his kind of guys. Do we have it on? We have us meeting him after the first night because he got there, parked the bus, and, you know, we went off to the venue. It was there in Chicago.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's fucking, I mean, like, I'm always shocked by coaches, like, as performers, you're like, how did you hit all of those notes perfect? Like, they build the emotion, and then it's like, how do they do that off the cuff is crazy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're sitting there. Where were you raised? Meanwhile, he's screaming at dudes that are like six, 14, 40.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And I get there. So like we go, we do the show. The bus calls, you know, it's like, you know, 2 a.m. or whatever. Like we go, we do the show, do the meet and greet, go out for beers and like something to eat. And we're coming back and he's there smoking a cig. I'm like, hi, I'm Kevin. Nice to meet you. He just put his hand out. No, like, no, just.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Shout out to the new queen of garbage.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I said, thanks for driving us, and he just fucking... Strong silent type.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
How much of that did you know?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Did you know that when you were, like, started there? Did that come out after, like, as you... Well, I think you know, yeah, you know little by little, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
She doesn't put all those cards on the table at the first date.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That was pre-Indian stepdad time. Pre-Indian stepdad. My Indian stepdad is the funniest sentence I've ever heard in my life.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
She said they were like shooting out windows and flattening tires and shit. That ice cream.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I think he said it had like 2.2 million miles. It was like crazy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's proper crazy. What is your role in that side of the family? Do you have or what are your experiences with them?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We got him off Airbnb. It was just an RV.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He was a Dominican guy from the neighborhood I live in. I live in a Dominican neighborhood in New York called Washington Heights. Yeah, he lives... He's from... And he's like, you fucking live there? I'm like, you're an idiot. He's like, I got out.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Shit. Those Eastern Europeans play by their own fucking rules.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's like so like, I was in an internment camp for fucking four years.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It was the most requested, longest awaited. We don't do episodes outside of the studio. We've turned down a lot of people of like...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
no just we're not doing it but there's a there's a special level but i was like we have to yeah you know yeah i'm not coming to new york i'm like i picked up on that over the past right and she had all the shit that i know would uh showed up from the emergency room oh yeah that's right josh she said they had to put we had to push it 30 minutes she's like she's she's at the emergency room right now yeah something something she's bleeding and i'm like the kid stabbed her what's going on over there we can cancel this
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
From what I mean, I've never met them. I love you and Christina. These kids, I hope I never meet. I hope by the time they're adults, they're in the correct facility.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Man.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. I mean, I've only... Yes. I mean, we were just talking about it. The story where, like, they ran through the construction site and, like, broke all the shit and, you know, you're just like... These kids, I mean, they... Little rascals. They sound like criminals, dude. Yeah, they do.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's got a past.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's not allowed in Canada, we found out. He's got a pass.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's on their own.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it sounds... Wild. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It was the same thing with me and my brother. It was lawless. My mom was a single mom. My dad was split custody. So it was like... I mean, at one point they were like, we weren't allowed home alone together. I just like stay after school because we would just fist fight.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, just like a New York Dominican guy. Yeah, I got you. And what really broke him is... We were, you know, we pulled over and we had a drone flying above us like we were pulling into a town. Like the production guys were like, yo, pull over. So they throw the drone up and we're cruising. He's cruising. And then they hit a fucking power line with the... And it fucking just...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're like, all the stuff you have going on, you're worried about paint. It's like, yeah, of course.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Bad. We did the same thing, but we... It was when Starter Jackets hit. Early 90s. Hot. My brother, same thing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Four years older than me. And he was a... My brother's a fucking... Loose cat. Especially as a kid, he was a fucking lunatic.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So he, same thing, he'd come upstairs, go back all the way into the deep, behind the closet, behind the clothes, starter jackets. And my mom's in the kitchen and we walk, he's like, let's go downstairs with them on. I remember being like, this ain't a good, I was like six. I'm like, I don't know. He's like, look at this. Look what I found, mom. She's like, you fucking, like just broke down.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
First time I ever heard her say fuck, she said, you ruined fucking Christmas. Yeah. And I was like, all right, let's go to Dad's for a couple of days.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's what boys do.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. It's tough. I mean, like, I look back at, like, what we did. And also, because they were divorced, I was like... He would just be a dick to my mom. Like, no, you just, you know, you're like a boy. You're like, I'll do whatever the fuck. There's no father figure in the house.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
blew up, it fell on the ground, got ran over, and he thought that was the funniest thing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Good kid.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's walking around like Henry Hill.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Meanwhile, it was like a $15,000 loss for us. And he's like, ha, ha, thing, a truck hit it, then a car hit it, then a truck hit it. I'm like, dude, we get it, all right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got... You bought two.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He bought two. Oh, yeah. I bought two. Well, that car. So I had a Kia. That got stolen by the Kia boys. Shout out to the Kia boys. Shout out Kia boys. That got stolen. So I bought a used Mercedes from Carvana that I'm pretty sure was in a flood. Okay. A little swampy. A little musty. Okay. But the way I look at it is, like, I've never had a nice car. I've always had you.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Sure, yeah, it sucks.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The first new car I ever had was a Kia. Before that, I had, like, a Mercury Montego. And before that, I had a Chevy Lumina. I actually had three Chevy Luminas. I kept crashing them. But they were, like, 800 bucks at the time.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's going on YouTube. We're not even selling it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So I would crash them, and then... or they break or whatever, and then my mom would be like, well, I can give you 400 bucks to a new Lumina, and I just had to come up with another 400, so we just kept replacing Luminas with Luminas, and so then I bought a Lumina. I thought, you know, because people buy nice cars, and I'm not like a car guy by any means. You smoke cigs in there, too.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, you got it. It's a fucking, it's a car. It's a 95 Chevy Lumina, dude. You know, put a little 50 cent and relive it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It cost me eight grand to buy a 1995 Chevy. How's it running? Uh, it wouldn't, it wouldn't get out of reverse last time I, yeah, that's it. I got a, I got like a powder blue one of those.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Nah, so it's not, it's not inspected.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Uh-huh. Like, everything that kind of could, in a good way of, like, it's very us. Like, so much shit just...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Moving forward, baby. So yeah, that was a big thing for my childhood, though. I just was like, that will be cool. I just want to zip around with my boys. And then do you do any type of saving? I do. The one thing I was able to do, well, I bought a house. Oh. I bought a house in the suburbs. A little fixer-upper. Okay.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That'll be like the plan to get out of the city at some point, because the city is fucking...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
yeah going to shit dude is it crazy why currently in my neighborhood actively for like three weeks four weeks now there's a guy just running around taunting women is the word taunting just like you bitch i'll fucking kill you and then like scaring away don't you know and the cops are like we can't do anything yeah you're allowed to say that you're allowed to say like you know what i mean like you're allowed to tell a baby you're gonna kill it and that's what he's doing uh cool
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So they can't arrest him, so he's just wandering around doing that. Okay. So the plan would be in a couple of years, start spending more time in the burbs. I like it. So I've been able to... I ain't going anywhere. It's funny because it's... For a long time. He's jammed up. They're a sponsor, but Acorns. Shout out to them. I downloaded that. I'm just as bad as money with him. Okay.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I shit my pants. You shit your pants? Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The way I look at it, I've spent every dollar I've ever made. Yeah. Up until like...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
two years ago i was gonna say not now right now you don't spend every two years ago i had to clean up i we were it was tag it was taxes we were just because i was still running the books at the time which we got above i'm pretty good but it got above my pay grade yeah and we were it was coming in and i'm just going here take half i'll take half we'll figure this out next year
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. On five different cameras and tried to hide it, which is the most insane.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, we took that out of our control. Great. So he doesn't. He's doing that. That's new. So that's this year. This year is the first year I don't have to kind of wipe out my savings to pay taxes.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, he's going to have to tap into it like six years.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, when I'm 88, I'll have a couple of mil. He looks at that because they give you, if you keep contributing this, it'll be whatever. Look.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
This guy's all right, huh? Yeah, I mean, you know, just, yeah, we'll be all right. Yeah. I think. You will be.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I trust my guy. I think, but blindly.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I just know he uses other guy. Like me. It's my friend's guy. Like he's the best. Our peers guy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
If you have a good listen, he's not going to be stealing 10 grand for me. He's going to be stealing that guy's 10.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got access to the, I'm so nuts. I got access to, so we moved banks to like, you know, they move it to like, they don't use TD Bank. Right. They go to fucking, they go to rich guy banks that don't have storefronts, which is shady to begin with. Okay. I used to work for very wealthy, rich families, and they were all, it's like Sterling Bank or fucking, you know, all these things.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're like, where's that? Well, yeah, give me an ATM card, cocksucker. Let me go get my cash.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, I have access to the... I have a login to the account. Okay, but then also... But I'm so nuts, I think they might make that up. No, no, they're not making it up. They're not making it up. I'm crazy, though. In my head, I'm like, if I was robbing you, I would go make a fake fucking landing page that says he has this much money and make a list of transactions.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Do you have any non-revolving debt? Do you have any longer-term debt? What's non-revolving? Like, that's not due at the end of every month. See, I know that revolving debt.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Like, a car loan isn't revolving debt. I got a lease.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got my rent.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Just because New York had... So crazy. Just running the scenarios, because he's like, these are the stuff you need to think about. Yeah. So I go, what would that look like? And he's sending it back. He's like, send me one you like. What's that? A very modest, one or two bedroom, you know, really like a one and a half bedroom. And what did it look like?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, he's like, well, scenario one, you put this one down, and this is what you're left with, like...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
like this is what you're left with yeah and this is what you're left with and this is what you're left with and then they all three of them were in the red yeah like he'd be like you'd be left with negative twenty five thousand dollars okay and i i didn't involve you well yeah but here's the thing he doesn't think but like i have money in like an eight like a retirement account i'm like well let's cash that out and buy a house no no no no yeah let's see rich guys don't think like that what do you mean don't do that no i didn't shake it up i shake it up
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I got to give it to him. I thought it was going to be a clusterfuck. Yeah. He's never planned anything really for... The tours, the show, like, you know, he's... Which I didn't really plan any of it. Sure, but I'm just like, this guy can't book flights. Like, how is this all going to go off without a hitch, you know? And I mean, dude, we got there, say the ceremony was whatever, 4 to 4.20, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then at the end, you go and get a drink, a little 10 minutes of cocktail hour. Former lieutenant governor did the wedding, had a nice quartet. Sun starts going down. Greeting drinks. You see the sunset perfectly hit the horizon. 15 minute. Yeah. Everybody's got to pay for that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Shit. Yeah. I told you briefly. I walked in. I went, who the fuck is paying for this? It's crazy. Yeah. It was. You aren't that kid. I know. That's incredible. He's going to have me work until I'm fucking 70. Yeah. He keeps going. We need a big year. We need a big year.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He was in, we get like a monthly... Check, like deposit.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You know, we'll take the rent and pay all the other stuff. Dude, it was like November. He's like, can I get December and January as well? There's something of good faith.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He was working with it. He's like, what do you need? We can, like the business managers, we can figure this out. You know what I mean? I'm not going to let you be bouncing checks in fucking Honolulu.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I came in for, like, 55 hours.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
underwear away. Yeah, I had to get rid of the underwear. Didn't break the upper atmosphere. He kept the shorts on, though, for the rest of the day, which is a wild choice.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Also, another thing. What are we doing here? The one thing we want to do is we want to buy. We're like, let's buy a conversion. Do you have an Acorns account? You want to buy what? A conversion van. Because that's a trashy thing. So we're like, all right. So you start looking. Those things ain't cheap. They're like 80 grand. Nice, though. So I run that by the business manager. Oh, yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And he's like, absolutely not. He's like, you got to insure this thing. You got to put it in a garage in New York. I'm like, yeah, but like, we'll just pay a guy to drive us the whole drive to Pittsburgh. Yeah, we'll land in Pittsburgh because we do like strings of one nighters. Yes. You know what I mean? Like clubs on the weekend, theaters on the weekend. So it's like we're out for a week.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're paying Sprint. I'm like, this guy, I'll just get my buddy Ryan to just drive us around the Midwest. And he's like, saving that in Ubers and shit. He's like, dude, there's no way this will ever financially make sense. He's like, you're going out on the road 30 cities next year, right? I'm like, yeah, sure. He's like, that means you use it one month out of 12 months.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's got captain's chairs. Yeah, which is nice, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Got a TV in it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, we're doing it. Against his better judgment.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, we're going to buy it this week. So he's like, well, at least. It'll be with us in Pontiac, Michigan on March 8th. Yeah, exactly. So he's like. Is that the first gig? Yeah. Dude, we literally have our idiot friend. He's like, this sounds like the best. I'll leave two days early and I'll meet you. I'll pick up an airport. How much is the van? Well, we haven't got it yet, but they're about 80.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's going to be a car payment. A car payment a month.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I don't know. So that's why I was talking to the business manager. Not that. No, it's a GMC Sierra. What are we, nerds? We're not zipping around in that. Savannah, right there. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it's all leather, and it's got captain's chairs, TV, speaker, the whole nine. Radio AC.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But the one thing is, you know you travel a lot.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're in different cars. All the time. And I go, if that's just our car for the Midwest to the East Coast, and that's just what we're in all the time, that's nuts. It's like a home away from home.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We'll do like... We'll get like a sprinter or something. We're like, oh, we're going like three hours between cities. It's like, just get a sprinter. And those guys, you go, hey, can you slow down? That's another thing that happens. It's so... They're like, we're all looking. Then we're going... You tell him. You say it. And it's like, we're like afraid to be like, buddy. I know.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then they go, no, no, no. It's that guy's fault. I'm doing a speed limit. I'm like, you're doing 90.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
After 15 minutes of being in the car, he's like, I got to stop and get gas. I'm like, what the hell's going on here?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And so my thing is like, hey, we got a driver that we know and can trust and can communicate with. Yes. We know what kind of car we're in. Your friend will do this? Yeah, he's nuts. Chomping at the bit. He goes, he's like, that sounds like the coolest thing in the world. Yeah, conversion van. It's the boys. The boys are fucking, you know. How many people travel in the van? It's getting more.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's getting more. It's getting more and more, dude. Yeah, so we go. It'll be six of us. Okay. Yeah. It'll be six of us. Two producers. It'll be me, him, a producer.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's like you also landed six guys. You're like, we got to rent a car for a week or whatever. It's just, you know, I'm trying to sell it. It doesn't make sense financially, but it's fun.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We kind of made an oath of like, Let's just spend money on being stupid and fun.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We'd be stupid to have a 401k. Let's get a fucking GMC Sienna. There you go. I wouldn't even know how to go about that. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
$29 a clip per person. More.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I didn't fucking apply for this. But we try to explain to them that that's a positive to them. They go, he answered. You were one in 5,000 that answered. So they're going to go, this fucking fat idiot's going to give up at some point. He's going to be behind the eight ball and go, you can get me 10 grand today? All right, I'll do it. And this guy likes to swipe.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's a unique guy on a bus to live with. for that nine guys. He'll just be like, you come in, he's like sitting in your bunk and I'm like, dude, get your proven shitty ass off of my bed. Like that's, you have like, we, we, I put my shoes on. So wait.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's the only guy just like his luggage is out and open in the galley.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But I wasn't sure yet.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Because we have the two-finger dab, and then the... But I wasn't sure, because you know sometimes it feels like, is it wet down there, and you go...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
All on camera, dude. I didn't realize that. And then he goes, you think they got a bathroom in there? I mean, this poor mechanic shop, it was a family-owned mechanic shop in Arizona.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Their livelihood is in the line. He's just like got a pair of shitty underwear and a brown ass on him.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That was sad. Our producer comes up to me at lunch, and he's like, dude, I have something that I probably shouldn't. I'm like, if it's in the world of comedy, if we can get laughs out of this, you have to tell me. I didn't think it was very funny. And he's like, Foley, I'm pretty sure Foley shit himself. I'm like, when? He's like, an hour ago. So I'm like, well, we haven't changed. We haven't shot.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The bus is up on a jack. I was on the bus eating Cheez-Its at the time when this was all going on. We get back. So he's sitting there eating, snacking away. And I'm like, what? We're on the road. Because at this point, we're like, meanwhile, it's just the duality of the dichotomy of the show. He actively has fecal matter in his underwear. Allegedly. And I'm like, can we get to Sprinter Van?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We have to still get six hours to a show. Yeah. That has to go. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're behind the eight ball. I'm like, we're calling rental car. They're like, no, you can't return the car to another location. We're just trying to figure out. We're like, can we get a plant? Like anything we can do. They were all handling that. I had another.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And he's like, you think they had a bathroom in here? And I'm like, dude, what the fuck? So then we finally the reveal. We slow. We slow roll. It just so happened like we would do on a pot. I'm like, what happened at the mechanic shop? And he's like. Oh, like he thought the service was great. Are you still downplaying it? I said, and I'm like, do you want to get out in front of this?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Or like, cause I, I know what happened. And it's, it was just like a lie. Until they got you on camera.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it was very, like, through the bus, I mean, because we are just dirtbags. We just did this ourselves. I just started calling bus rental places, and I'm like, can we have a bus? They're like, sure. But we got a bus from like 1981, maybe.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
keep my hands on the wheel i don't answer oh my god so that's in the doc though that's all in there yeah i mean i wanted that just to be the doc i'm like fuck the comedy ass yeah at least this that's the best part of it yeah yeah that's gonna be the highlight of it was the way it was shot and the way the editor did it and like look back and like i mean because we have so many angles of it that i'm like this is the maybe the funniest thing i've ever been a part of
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
attention attention army of garbage the boys are back on the road for the back on the block poor baby talking about stand-up comedy plus we play are you garbage live with the crowd it's a great way to introduce people to the show so grab the squad come out and see us
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Guy's in there. He's popping them. He's eating them. How you doing? How you doing? Every time I turn around, this guy's Lucy this, Lucy that. He's all over the stuff. So level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash garbage and use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order. That ain't nothing to shake a stick at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Lucy has a 30-day refund policy, so if you change your mind, again, that's Lucy.co. Use the code garbage to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age-verified, baby. There you go. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Okay, let's talk about acorns. Acorns, acorns, acorns.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm an acorns man through and through. You got me involved. Now I'm in the game, baby. I'm putting it away. I know. It's a good time for all you dirtbags out there. Funko Hank's doing it. Believe me, you can do it. I'm putting a couple hundy a week away. Slide it in there, and they show you the potential, what you could have. Big man's chasing that number. When I'm 88 years old. Steaks on me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Buy and sell you. That's what I'm talking about. Guys, shout out to Acorns. Do yourself a favor. Get over to Acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement. You don't need to be an expert. All right. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You also don't need to be rich. Thank God. Acorns lets you invest your spare money right off the jump, right off the rip. You can get it going. Look into your account and you're in. You're in the game, baby. Yeah, you can start with $5 or just your spare change. We're both acorns, guys. It's been the only way I've been able to squirrel away money. It's fantastic. I'm horrible with money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm horrible at savings. Acorn takes it out of your hands and puts it in easy peasy situation, daddy-o. So head to acorns.com slash garbage or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing your future today. This is paid client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier one compensation provided. Invest involves risk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Acorn Advisors LLC is an SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash garbage. Do it. I saw a mutual friend of ours had posted, or maybe it was a story, of their kid's lunchbox. Very nutritious. A lot of fruits and vegetables. None of the bullshit. Uh-huh. Yeah. But I know most parents that I know that have kids, they don't give a fuck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, it hasn't translated over. It's bad. I think when people have kids, they try to, like, we're only going to do the organic and apples and fruits and berries. Then the kids start screaming. Then he goes to school, and he meets me, and I'm the goldfish god. I'm out there dishing it out, you know what I mean? I got hamburgers, Whoppers. I got the fries that'll cross your eyes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I believe all parties involved. All parties involved. We both got a raw deal in this one. Man. I got a raw deal from Jump. This guy stinks. What's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now Spotify, baby. Not that. Full video available on Spotify.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got the shakes that'll make you quake. I got the burgers. I just got burgers. Yeah, you can't fucking— Shout out to Cheeseburger Eddie. You can't fight that once they're out there in the world. I think it's weird— That's how the kids start smoking cigarettes. Obviously, I don't know nothing about parenting, but— I, every time I cross paths with a kid who was a little crunchy in that sense.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
What do you mean? Like, I can't eat at your house or your house, you know. They're all methods. No, but it's just, you're just like that. They get ostracized, unfortunately, a little bit. Your parents are hippies. They're tree huggers. You know what I mean? They're not wearing shoes and shit. Yeah, I remember my one buddy. All because you couldn't have fruit by the foot. I'm like, loser.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
My one good buddy growing up, I remember seeing Amy's instead of regular frozen stuff in his freezer. Oh, that. It was Amy's. And this was like 92. My mom told me I couldn't go over there anymore. Sure, that's nuts to me. I might as well have been tofu. That's nuts. Dude, Amy's? Amy's in the 90s or whatever? That was like. You were out Woodstock. Get out of here, you dirty hippies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Put some shoes on. You saw Amy's. That's a mom who don't shave her legs. And she's got weed in the house somewhere. So, boys, start tossing this place. Start flipping a mattress. I know. It's fucking dope in here. That was that and like a little patchouli smell or like a little oil smell when you walked in. He was my one friend that was like very far in that direction.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
And man, these guys got weed in here, dude. Yeah, that's it. Start flipping. Yeah, that's... Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. Unfortunately, that kid is... Like, you're, you know, talking about him fucking 40 years later. Crazy. Uh-huh. And, like, this was pre-Whole Foods. I think it was called Fresh Fields was the... chain or how I don't know how many there were in our area.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I assume Whole Foods just bought up all those different kinds of places like that and just made them one. But it was like, yeah, it was like organic oats instead of Honey Nut Cheerios. Yeah. Also, too, you'll probably remember this. There was a lemonade. There was a juice bottle called Santa Cruz or something like that. It was like organic lemonade. It was good as shit, but it was like 12 bucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Go in there and crush that. They had all that weed. Yeah. Anytime the houses had that kind of stuff, I was like, buddy, let's call and get a Zod delivered. What are we doing? This is nuts. First time I had swordfish. I told you that. Yeah. What? Yeah. Wednesday. What was it? It's the same time. There was a threshold of when those natural, more natural products were adopted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think it was when you were a kid. As you were getting into high school, that was becoming way more acceptable. High school, yeah. But if you would go over. First time I ever seen a turkey burger. Oh, like the morning gardens? Those are veggie burgers. Dude, those frozen burgers? I was like, we're doing burgers. You're doing salads. What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You talking about those frozen veggie burgers? Yeah, the good mornings are still in the green box. Morningstar Farms. Morningstar Farms. Morningstar, I'll see you later. Get the fuck out of here. I'm going to grab a sizzly. That, and dude, I remember my boy Flip, his parents had Kashi, and I was like, dude, what in the world is, get me some Frosted Flakes, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all your bonus content. You get to ask your garbage question on the air. Shout out to the homies. Also, go over to www.rugarbage.com for the Back on the Block Tour, baby. The boys are hitting the road starting in March, April. It's going to be a good time. We got Pontiac, Michigan. Tickets for that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
kashi in a seventh grade sleepover you wake up in the morning they hit you with and the boxes were so small like what are we all gonna we just put a cup in a shit there is there is no amount of sugar that can save you gotta be high as shit to enjoy a bowl of kashi i've never touched it oh my god you ever have that of course whoo Oh, man. The box. I'd rather eat the box than the stuff inside.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
The box is a guy reading the newspaper. It stinks. God, dude. That stuff was brutal. Fuck that shit. I hate it, dude. I hate it. Morningstar Farms.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can't tell the difference. Okay. No, those are veggie patties, which they're not that bad in a pinch. But turkey burgers started coming around. That's when the movement really started. I don't remember when they hit. They might have not hit up for me up until I was up here. Turkey burgers. We took two steps forward and two steps back. We went turkey burgers, I think, maybe early 90s, 92, 93.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
At the house? Yeah, Patty. She was doing turkey burgers. They're better for you. She would also fuck up a hamburger, too. Just burn it. But then Bubba Burgers hit. Straight back to the boys. Straight back. Was it the Bubba Burgers that were Philadelphia branded? I remember the Dietzel Watson hot dogs, but I feel like the Bubba Burgers used to be Philadelphia branded. They worked with the Phillies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know if they were national or not. They probably just did that and everything. Every town.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I could be wrong, but yeah, they had great boxes. Yeah, it was like Jim Fregosi on the box. Harry Mahal. I think that's who signed that ball, Jim Fregosi. Shout out to Fregosi. All right, let's see here. This one's from Kippy's Kissing Cousin. $10 trash man, never had one read. You ever hook up with a girl on a medical device? Neck brace, cast, sling?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, this March we're starting in Pontiac, Michigan, Indianapolis, Indiana, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio, Atlantic City, New Jersey, and gang, tickets are going quick. Get them while supplies last. The boys are coming to town. See you out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I just found out I got my wife pregnant while she was wearing a medical boot from breaking her foot. New member of the Army of Garbage coming. Well, congratulations. Congrats, buddy. Hooking up with a girl on a medical device. For sure. Yeah, for sure. I definitely hooked up when I blew out my knee in college. Who's your knee? When I was in my immobilizer. But you weren't jammed up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was jammed up. Oh, man. Couldn't move. Poor girl. You didn't shower that day. You did a bed bath. You got a white paddy crab that came in and wiped you down. Pre-game. Man, your gooch was probably irate. Dude, what are you talking about? I was fucking in shape back then. I was fucking 19 years old, 170 pounds. I think I was about 235. I might have been 315. Actually, was this March?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Ruth, I believe her name was. It's not great. Here's a nice lady. No cell phones around her. TV starts changing channels. I don't even got the family program. All the spoons in the room fly to her. Yeah, Roosier, I guess. She's making pens. What is that, Phenomena? I get that and powder mixed up. Who? Who are you talking about? Phenomenon. No, dumbass, the girl. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't even know if they're going to be available by the time this airs. You got Pontiac, Michigan. You got Indianapolis, Indiana. You got Milwaukee. You got Madison, Wisconsin. Tickets are 75% gone. Tickets are moving. They're going to move. And we appreciate it. And we love you. And we love you. We got Minneapolis, Minnesota. We got Pittsburgh. We got Cleveland. And we got Atlantic City.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Why are you being such a fucking asshole? She had, like, something wrong with her. She was having, like, some sort of surgery on her legs or on her foot or something. British girl. Hello. So, right. And I think I went on, like, two dates with her before. She was, like, a mole. Like, her leg was something. And then. She was just in the middle of something. Yeah, and then one after.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It just didn't work out. Huh. Whole Boston Tea Party thing. Really? No, I'm joking. What, you don't believe me? She lived on the Upper East Side. Okay. She was a personal trainer. This was right when I lost the weight. Really? Right when I lost the weight. Wow. Really tight, really feeling myself. Good head of hair. You got a cast? I'm out of here. I can't do this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, just like, I don't know, didn't whatever. Didn't materialize. Yeah, she wouldn't fuck you. We get it. I think that's what happened. If I remember correctly. I'm like, you got one leg, you dumper. You're turning me down? You're damaged goods. I'm going to walk my way out of here. You can't even keep your Achilles tendon. How are you going to keep a man like me? Baby, I'm moving.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm out of here. No, it wasn't. It's just me, you know, whatever. It didn't happen. I mean, we've mentioned this, but it seems like every year in college, there was some girl that had a broken foot. Yeah. I mean, that was also one of the first early AYG things is like walking around in a boot. And then they started those peg leg things where your knee's bent.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
And people will come out to shows with them and we'll do the meet and greets. A little rolly. Yeah, and they're like, oh, look, I'm in my, you know. Really zip around in those things. Oh, the little scoots. Yeah. No, did you ever see where the knee's bent and it's just like a peg leg? It's got a wheel. No, some of them don't have wheels. It's just like a peg leg.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yes, I have. The real Pirates of the Caribbean. Looks like a pogo stick. Yes. Yeah. Man, what did you do? What kind of insurance you got to get that? That's a tough one. I'd want to get the blades. You ever see people with the blades? Yeah, you can't shoot your wife. Fucking bionic. That's right, that guy did. What a wild turn of events. Those things are sick. I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get going in those things. Those guys cooking them. Move. Maybe that's what you need. Some blades? Some blades. Get you moving. We can't be that far away from that. Is that what you're hoping for? No. AI comes in? Some type of biomechanical suit. Like some type of Iron Man type suit. I think we're very far from that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
What just happened here? Tesseract technology? You don't know what a Tesseract is? No. Then you will burn. You'll never make it in the future.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
The boys are going down the shore to AC.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll be there with my old school blades. All right. Like the thing in Edge of Tomorrow with Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt. You think we're that far away from that? I mean, 50 years? I don't know, man. I don't know. You might get there. Huh? 50 years? That'd be pretty sweet. Modern advances technology. If I'm in like one of those mechanical suits. Your bubble boy. Fucking everybody up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's in the summertime. That's the summer. What is that, August? It's July. July. Uh-huh. Woo! And we're playing in July. I'm on a heater, too. And we're planning more dates for the fall as well. So get them picky. I love it. Get down to the tables down there. I'm off it. No, I'm on a heater. Ever since Parks, baby, I can't lose.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
In there fucking catching a heater in your fishbowl helmet. I got one for you. For your larger than, your larger, let's not go negative. Your love of food. Okay. I've never thought about it this way. I've always thought about it one way, and it was classy. This is Foley Ravioli, $10 homie, or? Great name. Best offer. Great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
OBO. Crab dip, classy or trashy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would lean classy, but then the more I think about it, I think it's trashy. I don't know. Now, we're talking about a crab dip with real blue crab, right? Yeah, lump crab meat. Lump crab meat with the chips, doing chips, tortilla chips. Tortilla chips. Not tortilla chips. That's what they use a lot. Don't they use like the crostini, kind of like the sliced baguette type thing? That would be nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I've only ever had it with bread. So many places you go to these days, they hit you with that fucking artichoke spinach dip, and they give you the tortilla chips. They can't. They break. They suck. And you know what else can kick rocks, too? The multicolored tortilla chips.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get the fuck out of here with that garbage. I don't mind that. Christmas, maybe. So we will do... We'll do crack more like Ritz crackers, I feel, with it anytime we have it. Then you got to have that little weird butter knife. The spread knife. Mm-hmm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's what makes it... But, I mean, if we're having it... Like, it's always sitting next to, like, a buffalo chicken dip, which that ain't, you know... Mm-hmm. I think... I would go trashy, maybe? Good time. Good as shit. It's a great time. I don't want to... Man. I've gotten it at restaurants, like in, like, you know, down in, like, Baltimore or whatever. Still never really hits right, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It does. It's a little bland, whatever. But it comes with, like, those two large, crostini-type burnt pieces of toast that, like, propped up in it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all right. You lather that up. They never give you enough of that. Never enough. Never enough toast. You gotta ask for more bread. Like a dickhead. Am I supposed to just eat this? Yeah, we can all do it. I got made fun of the other day for my nephew because we ordered hummus and we ran out of bread and I just took a fucking fork full of hummus. Is that crazy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because that was the craziest thing he's ever seen, apparently. Is that nuts? That's madman. Really? Yeah. Just... Wow, okay. I respect it. It's hummus. Just a whack of hummus? Yeah, I was waiting for my entree and my beer to come. How about a cucumber or a fucking piece of celery?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Gentlemen. Got an equal packet. Is it that crazy? Yeah, dude. Whoa. Really? Woo. That blows my mind. I was like, yeah, of course. You're taking your fucking teaspoon? Why'd you have a spoon anyway? Maybe that was forkful, maybe. A fork? So there was the fork tracks in the hummus? We're out of bread. That's no man's land. That's crazy. That's uncharted territory.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's unclaimed land where I'm from. That's like eating ice cream with a fork. Yeah, whatever. You leave those tracks in there? That's no good. Well, I'm not putting it back in the fucking thing. Your nephew was making fun of you for this? Yeah. 13-year-old. Blew his mind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Never seen anything like... Brought it up two days later. I was like, all right, enough with the... Chicks are red. Got up. Trying to get laid over here. See the girl in the cast? Yeah, all right. Well, I mean, I know it's not classy, but is it crazy? No, it's not crazy. Thank you. It's not like poison in the water supply crazy. Joker crazy. Just because it's on a vehicle to, you know, okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's got to have certain things. Where do you draw the line? Buffalo chicken dip? Fork full of buffalo chicken dip?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You think there's no protein in chickpeas? Of course, but... What are we fucking talking about here? It's just... You wouldn't do it at home. You don't like that it's smooth. I would do it at home. Really? If I didn't have anything to dip into it, and I want a little... I'll wet my wits a little bit. A little num-nums. Trying to go back to where this line is. Crab dip you would do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Crab dip I would do. I would eat it like soup. Artichoke, spinach, you would do. You'd take a whacking hat. Sure, I would do it. I would do it. Luke, I'm not asking you. You didn't go to reform school or whatever. I'm asking an animal here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
The fucking, you know, you dip chips in. Queso. Queso, that's more liquid. But if it has the crumpled sausage in it, I would do that. That's crazier than hummus. You're trying to catch liquid in cheese. I would use a spoon, not a fork. I was thinking spoon. But mine, I can use a spoon or a fork. It doesn't matter because it's kind of a solid. Psychologically, it's just strange.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
P.F. Chang's. Boom, boom, boom. We did have Asian that night, if I recall.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I get that it's weird. Did anybody else do it? My brother-in-law did, I think, making fun of me. Were you guys waiting for that? Waiting on beers and our main. So I'm not just like, hey, can I get a plate of hummus and just start munging? No, no. But had you asked the server, hey, can we get some more pita or bread for the hummus? I don't think we had. No. So it was done. It was done. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a big indicator. We're sitting there. You know how I am when I think it's done. No one's making a move on it. We're talking. We're laughing. I'm a fat guy. I'm sitting there. Who don't like hummus? Okay, all right. I rest my case. Not bad. Not bad. Write in. Write in. Let us know. There's no way the listeners aren't crushing a dab of hummy. There's a better comparison.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I just can't think of it. Peanut butter? You take a whack of peanut butter? Fuck. Yeah. Not with a fork. Use a butter knife or a fucking spoon. I don't have all that. Yeah, you're doing that at your house. Okay. You're telling me you're having company come over. I just conceded. I said yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
We went to a knockoff P.F. Chang's. P.F. Wang's. Pull your beater out. Put pants on. Shout out to P.F. Chang's. Okay. Okay. I've soured on them a little bit, to be honest with you. You find one pube in your chicken. All of a sudden, we can't go there no more? You're too good. I got a little present for you. You do? I do, after you've been treating me fucking like an asshole all day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm just saying you're at home, and you're like, oh, I'm going to take the hummus out of the container and put it in a bowl. You're going to present it a little bit. You're not going to take that last little scoop of hummus right out of the spoon onto the tongue there? Yeah, I might do that in closed quarters behind the scenes. With my family. All right. All right. I stand correct.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't love hummus that much. I need a little buffer, a little pita, a little carrot, a little cucumber. Listen, I know what I did, and I know everybody out there would do the same goddamn thing, given the opportunity. But I'll be the martyr for this. So multiple people at the table were like, yo, what are you doing? I guess. Was the bird with you? Yeah. What did she say?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's all right with that. She likes that kind of stuff, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
If that was fucking chocolate mousse or something like that, she might push back on it. Or if it was buffalo chicken dip. The fact that it was hummus. She likes it. It's a classy food. I mean a classy food. Yeah. All right, we got to move on. But I ain't... Listen, I might not be right, but I'm not wrong, okay? I'm going to take that to the grave. Okay, let's talk about Factor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Factor, Factor, Factor. Let's talk about getting it tight, getting it lean, locking it in with delicious, nutritious, ready-to-eat meals from Factor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a good meal. They taste good. My problem is I want to eat two tree at a time. I know. One and you're full and you're on your way. Saves time. Saves money. You got other shit going on. It's the winter. You're going to start getting ready for the spring. Do yourself a favor. Get over the factor. Give it a shot. I'm telling you, you're going to love it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They are dietician-approved, ready to eat in two, three minutes, so you can fuel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. You can lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto meals based on a randomized controlled clinical trial. With Factor Keto, results will vary depending on diet and exercise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Obviously, they have over 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week. It's easy to pick tailored meats for your goal. You can do keto, calorie smart, protein plus. If you're bulking up, protein plus. If you just want to keep a little tight, calorie smart. If you're trying to lose, go keto. I've been a big fan. We've been using Factor since before they were a sponsor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how much we like them. They're fantastic. I heat them up at the bench. Shout out to Shredded Chicken Taco Bowl. I do them in the microwave right in the thing that they come in. Boom. Ready to eat. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's code garbage50off at factormeals.com slash garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Do it now. Back to the show. Back to the show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know what the hell that means. Ever tip your delivery guy with pizza? That's a tough look. What? Like, here, take a slice? I mean, hey, buddy, you hungry? It's just me in here. I only need four. What the fuck? That's wild. But, listen, as somebody who used to door dash, you're hungry? The delivery guy's probably not loaded. They make solid tips. He probably ain't loaded.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's sitting in that car, might be 15 minutes in the car. With a fresh melon pie? With a fresh Zod, dude just hotboxing his Corolla. But all things being equal, if that pie is getting there at a decent time, there's no way that you can just flip open the lid and pull out a clean slice and give it to them. You don't know. That whole cheese is coming with it. Not necessarily. Not necessarily.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
If they know what they're doing, they're delivering the pies somewhat on time. You got to go in and get them a plate. You might as well just come in and sit down. Come here and sit down. I have sex with my wife. She's got a cast on. You want to come in and have a slice? I'll take it for the road. We did that with our driver when we were down the shore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
We've had a rough morning. It was a rough morning. That's the way it is when you're in business together. You crack a little heads every once in a while. You butt heads. You got to break some eggs. We're in here doing shit. We're not out there hobnobbing. Some of us are doing shit. Doing a lot of stuff. I had to put you in a room and make you work for 15 minutes today. That's brutal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
We came back from Sam's and we gave our Uber driver pizza. We did? Yeah. I think O'Connie did or Tommy Poe. But you'd gotten the pizza. You offered the Uber driver a slice of pizza. That's different than tipping the fucking guy delivering the pizza. I'm not saying it's the same thing, but you can pull a slice apart.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's not act like we don't have the technology to pull a slice out of a fresh saw here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
He wants a slice. Dude, that probably made, you know. I mean, it sucks that you're not tipping him cash. You give him a Finsky and a slice out the door for sure. Maybe a Mezzo mix if you got it in stock.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would like it, but I hate, hate, hate, hate eating pizza without a fucking soda to bite and sip. You might as well be eating a whole loaf of bread. It gets all stuck up in here. I need something to grease the chute. Bad news. Especially when you fucking close it. Trying to get that cross down. Dude, a closed cross without a soda. Be drinking windshield wiper fluid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Got a thing of antifreeze in the back. Trying to get that down. That's great. That's all right, man. All right, this one's from Cousin Vinny. $10 stew going. You's ever been told from your dad that they're coming to tow the car tonight? Make sure you get anything you want out of there. The preemptive repo? He says, man, we were cooking with money for a few years until it went far south.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Wouldn't change it for the world. Oh, man. You got any textbooks in the backseat? Might want to get that. Get your golf clubs out. Because they're golf clubs. What? Some little kid with a set of sticks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You don't know. Oh, man. That's also like a new money thing. Get the kid a set of golf clubs. I go out, I'll take you out. This had to be construction or something. They might be coming tonight. Get your shit out of there. That's very reminiscent of, we had a couple year stretch where it was nice and then it was playing with, we were playing with house money. Yeah. That's a great question.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all right, man. Also, good look from the dad to be like, listen, I fumbled. The boys are coming to get the Escalade. Get your gear. Get out. Put the dog in the basement, too, by the way. I'm not all paid up on it. Square, I want him on Monday. That's very much of a dad when the house phone rang. Not here. Not here. That's pretty good, dude. All right, this one's just nuts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one's from Bree Nut Butter and Jelly. Not a question, but an electronic hack. You pay $50 a year to be a preferred Best Buy member. Okay. That gets you 60 days return on any product, no questions asked. Okay. You can go buy a TV. Right. Use it for 60 days, then return it, grab another TV over and over and over again. Pro tip, you use a credit card and collect the points on every purchase.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay. Then you just have to get a new TV every 60 days. And you're still paying for it. They're still out. Let's say a TV costs $500. Yes. You pay $500. Right. You get it for 60 days. You can return it. You get the $500 back. You get the $500 back. You buy a new TV. $700 TV. Or whatever. Even $500. You don't even have to upgrade. There's a new $500 TV. You're still out $500.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then we started having a fun conversation. And he's going, hey, knock it off. Hey, stop. Man, if my breakfast hadn't gotten there in time, I don't know what I was going to do. Now, what do you got for me? Is it money? No. Okay. It's better. Better than money? Uh-huh. In your economy. Food. Close. So I was over. Food money. Money I can eat. You got me chocolate money?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I guess the idea is you're just continuously rack up $500 points every 60 days. I would pay not to have to fucking return something like that. You got to keep that box. Yeah, keep that box. You got to return it, no questions asked. But yeah, box. Every two months. Dude, imagine if you missed it or whatever. Every six months, I could be on board. But I like the hustle. I respect it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
But counting the points, goddamn, dude. There's got to be an easier way to make. Returning a 60-inch flat screen every 60 days, that's a lot of humping. Trying to get that foam to slide back in. It's making my blood run cold, the squeaking of the foam on the cardboard. No, thank you. That's tough, dude. Yeah, I mean, there's got to be an easier way to make the points because you're paying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're always out $500. But it's just constantly running, so who gives a fuck? It's just constantly going in and going back and going in and going back and going in and going back. That's the way I look at credit cards, too, which I know is the wrong way to look at it. Yeah, but hit me with it. I don't know what you're talking about. That it's just always going up and down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it's called revolving credit. So what's the difference? You have that money. Until you make the last payment, you're ahead of the game. No, that's what they want you to think. If you pay it off and never use the card again, that's how they get you. Wait, hold on. Don't you get it? No. Okay, so let's say you're leaving an open balance. Okay, let's say I have an American Express card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay, I could live in that world. Let's say there's $10,000 on there. I have a $10,000 available credit. Okay. Let's say I'm at that $10,000. Okay. Okay. I pay that off. I immediately have $10,000 more. Sure. So the only time that you lose on the deal is if you pay it one last time and then don't use it. That's when the buck stops. But are you paying it in full?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let me ask this, and be honest, because I know how you operate. This is hypothetical. Are you paying in full? I'm paying what the bill is that month, whatever the chunk is. Sure. Am I paying it back to zero? The current balance. You're paying your current balance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You throwing any mini payments there? Any minimums? Minimum payment due, $89.99. No minimums. No minimums. Anything ever less than the current statement. Not your total balance, your current balance. Yeah, no. No, no, no. I'm paying the current balance. They don't let you do that. They hit you. What? Amex will hit you with that. Of course. That's what I thought you were saying. Crush it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
So how do you think they're getting you if you never use it again? Because then you've had to pay back the $10,000. What? You've had to pay back. You don't get to use the $10,000 that's in there anymore. If you pay it back and never use it again, then you lost $10,000. No, you didn't. Yes, you did. Because if you use it again. They're not giving you $10,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
As long as you keep using the card once you pay it off, it's all the same, whether it's in a checking account or whether it's in a credit card. That's your money. All right. Okay. Yeah, that's all I'm saying. It's just running. Okay. Hold on. So you're counting that $10,000 credit limit as your money, right? Yes. Okay. No, that's fine. But to explain it this way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Until the day I stop using it, it's mine. I know, but then that $10,000 is still hypothetically sitting there. If you're counting it as yours when you're using it, when you're not using it, you still have an available $10,000. If I needed it, yeah. Yeah, so you're just deciding to count it one time and not another time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, I'm saying like if I got rid of the credit card, I should have prefaced that. Yeah, no one's ever done that. You just keep the card and it sits there. And honestly, the lower balance helps you more because your credit score goes up. My credit score goes up and down like every month. It's because you're running your credit card balances so high. That happens every single month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your increased credit uses has happened, and it lowers your credit score. But then once you pay it off, it goes back up again. So none of it really matters. None of it makes sense. Imagine if it never went down those five points and stayed there. Yeah. And then it would continue to go up rather than go down. Would it? Or would it just sit there because I'm not making any moves?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do you remember the bubble gum wallet by any chance? What the fuck? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The dollar. They had dollar. It was like a wallet. You open it up and like a bunch of, you know, like the pictures, whatever. It would fall down. Kind of. Yeah. They had a bunch of plastic sleeves with like they were this big and that the dollar bills were that were gum. Was the wallet made of gum, too?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, it would hypothetically go up if you're staying financially whole. Hmm. In what world is somebody opening a credit card, using it once, and then canceling it? You know, I don't know if I love this, to be honest with you. Well, I just got you $10,000 worth of it. Oh, man, that put my brain in a pretzel. You don't get what I'm saying? I guess if you canceled the card, sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
As long as you don't cancel that card, you're still in there. You're still in the game. I don't know. Sure. I don't know, but you walk such a tightrope when it comes to that that it's not worth the stress and the headache. It's just not worth it. You should just spend cash. You know what I mean? On what? Whatever you're putting on the card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Or put it in the car, keep it on autopayment, and just let it clean out. You don't do that either. Fuck that. I don't try. I mean, this guy's playing. Autopay for a credit card? I don't know what they're going to take. And then I got to have enough of that in the checking account to cover that. Well, that's another thing. I don't understand what you do with your money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't like to leave a lot of stuff in the checking account. That's the short pocket. I like the deep pocket. Yeah, but then you're jumping, but that's how you get jammed up and missed off because you're spinning too many plates. I haven't missed anything. I'm chilling. I don't know. You're talking about some sort of credit card scam. No one can wrap their head around. It's not a scam.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's not not a scam. No, it isn't. That's a free $10,000. Anytime you talk about a credit card, that's a free $10,000. It ain't on the up and up. No, no. I don't want that. I don't want that out there. Get out of here. Look how scared you get. What, an Amex is going to come get you? No. I'm saying if you pay your credit card bill, you then have access to that money immediately.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
So it's a revolving door. No one's arguing. Yeah, that's all I'm saying. It's pretty cool. This has been the Finance Hour with two idiots and a con man. And a criminal. That's not true. Oh, man, look how weird. No, don't say that. Don't say that. I'm a psycho, man. Don't say that. Like, Amex is going to come and get you for your two grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I ain't got bigger fucking fish to fry than your two grand. Oh, my God. Don't tell nobody. But when I paid them, they let me. They give me another $2,000. Suckers. I found a glitch in the system. I'm in the Matrix. Idiots. There's back doors and all this. These guys are idiots. I give them the money. They loan me more money at 28%. These guys are idiots. They hit me with annual fees.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
These guys are so stupid. What's happening? They're giving me miles. Flying all over the world. Crab dip, classy. Hummus, delicious. Eat it with a fork.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
uh as a bigger man you might weigh in on this one this one's from lfa a lot of bigger man stuff being mentioned here i don't appreciate that i think it was twice it was about crab dip and this one's about pants okay i think these are two places those are those are two worlds where i didn't ask you nothing about a credit card and then you went off on you went off in a rabbit hole about that what can i do for you about pants
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think so. I don't remember that. Imagine like a checkbook. You got to pull this up. I got to see this. You got eyes on that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is from El Jefe. $10 taxpayer, never had one read. Is it garbage to put your belt on your pants before you put the pants on? Follow-up, is it garbage to keep the belt on the pants when you take them off so they're ready for the next wear? Always, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm like a fireman. Are you kidding me? I jump right into those babies. Got my shoes connected to the bottom. Throwing your pants on with that belt, they really shake down. Oh, that's a good feeling. Yeah, the belt always stays in the belt. Belt stays on. Yeah. It's wild for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
The belt's on there. I haven't washed these jeans in such a long... It's crazy. The number would make most people disgusted. That makes a loud noise, though, man. That belt buckles, really. That's if I'm trying to sneak in or out of bed with my wife. Usually in. If I'm coming in from a late night of spots or something... Man, that belt hits the floor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That'll fucking... All the tiptoeing, all the closing the... Turning the handle door, then closing the door, then latching it. All keeping Hans... It's like coming into the Tower of London. It's fucking brutal. Dude, that or sometimes when you do do it, and my phone will be in my back pocket, and now, oh, man, the neighbors wake up. They're hitting upstairs with a broom. It's a ban. Yeah, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Ah, buddy, I mean... Love bazooka. I mean, they are at the head of... Love me some bazooka. Especially the purple, the grape. That'd really get you. Why do I have a pen? I don't know, because you were doing work this morning. I think it was Wallet's Bubblegum. That might be it. I don't know. I mean, I don't think I'm going to be able to find this. I remember my mom saying, no way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That belt will jam you up. Mm-hmm. But putting the belt on before the pants, I would assume that would have to be a bigger guy hack. Right? I mean, I could do it pretty easily, and I'm pretty huge. I'll say that. That mezzo mix ain't helping. Double soda. Mezzo means diabetes in German. I would assume, I mean, I don't get why that would benefit. In my head, I had to be a bigger guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, that might be tough to get the rap out of. I can say this. As a bigger gentleman... Especially with the way they got loops these days. There's too many loops. There should be like four loops, but they're all over the place. You might miss one as a big guy when you got the pants on. Did you ever go, this had to be big in the night, did you ever go under the label?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was some that you could go under the label to show off the label. Talk about getting laid. I had a pair of badge jeans that I did. Ooh, man. Get eyes on badge jeans. I think they were TJ Maxx knockoffs for sure. B-A-D-G-E-E. Badge jeans when you want to stop the fun. Your kid keeps shitting his pants. Get him a pair of badge jeans. Anything on badge. I love these jeans. They fell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
They fit perfectly. Skating was in. They were the perfect baggy. You went under the... I was farting in them johns. Heavy bike. You went under the label? Went under the label. Had to show off the badge. Lee did that for a while. It was black. And badge was written like it was in, oh, man, cool beans.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You were all Relax Fit. Oh, buddy. I was a husky boy. I'm half asleep. I'm so relaxed. Put me in a coma, daddy. Put a pair of jeans on me. Loosen me up a little bit. Uh-huh. That's all right. So, yeah, that'd be the only reason I could see you doing it. That makes sense. And plus, too, if you're in a dressy situation where you have to tuck your shirt in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
going in and putting the pants on, tucking the shirt in, and then putting the belt on after, you're going to get some untuckage that you got to go back and redo. Sure, belt's got to be in. So if you have the belt in, it's just one fell swoop. You're all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you put the tie a little too long, leave the jacket open. You do your thing. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Pray to God they got some crab dip there. Maybe a little bit of humming. This one's funny. This is from Senora Besora. $10 dipshit, never had one read. Guy thinks a lot of himself. Is it garbage to think the T-shirt that said, Oh No 5-0 wasn't referring to the police, but about my friend turning 50? That's pretty not knowing the T-shirt. Oh No 5-0. What kind of guy's wearing an Oh No 5-0 shirt?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's crazy. That dude's still selling dime bags. That guy's got bad blows.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. Can't ban the snowman. How about the Jeezy? Goddamn, that's good. All right, this one's from Tyler. $5, homie. My dad had piranhas when we were younger. Red flag. And when he wanted to get... That's a single dad right there. That's a guy trying to bang younger chicks. And when he wanted to get rid of them, we just cooked them up. What? That... Crazy, dude. Ugh, fish tank? Fucking fish?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then I went somewhere with my dad, and he was like, yeah, I don't care. Man, I showed up to my mom counting bubblegum money. Like it was a tubey. I had it like it was drug money. Like, how you doing, bro? I found bubblegum money under your bed. A couple of Cheez-Its for me and the boys, huh? I don't think it was a wallet. They were like, you know, you slid into a little plastic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That can't be healthy. No. Also, are you allowed to eat, not allowed, is it dangerous to eat piranhas? I'm not going to bite you. I mean, like some meat you shouldn't. Illegal in many parts of the United States. That ain't a good look. Illegal to have? To eat. Remember the lore of piranhas? I don't think it's a lore. No. I mean, they're not going to pick the skin off your bones in two minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think they do. It's not that severe. I've seen video. I've seen video where they're going ham on something. They go ham, but, like, the theory was, like, if you dipped your toe in, you were bringing out a stub within two seconds. Yeah, like, you pull up a, you know, next thing you know, you're in a wheelchair. Trying to think of another medical device.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Piranhas scared the shit out of me as a kid. Yeah, it was like quicksand. Yeah. But yeah, no, that's, I mean, to have a house piranha, I get a bait of fish back in the day. Hold on, that means you're feeding it regular fish food from the, that's fucking. No, they're probably like goldfish or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, you gotta be real hungry. Holy shit. How many are in a typical pack? Like, are you running into 500? Or are you running into 50? 500, a lot of fish. I don't think so. Not in the Amazon. They're all swimming around together. Fuck that. Five minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Include my little wee-wee. I'll save him 30 seconds. That lady was delicious. Big set of bowls on her. It's got a weird aftertaste. It does. There's no chemis in there. That's all natural. That's what you need. A little yellow five in there. All right, this one's from Chicken Nun Nums. Is it garbage you eat? Frozen chicken nuggets. Yes. What the fuck? I used to eat them as a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
They hit different frozen. Now my son eats them frozen and people give me dirty looks. Yeah. That's nuts, dude. Weird. Nothing frozen. Dessert. Although my cousins did confess to me, my two younger cousins who my dad used to take to school when they were young. that they would like a frozen waffle every once in a while. I don't get it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
They wouldn't mind crushing a frozen waffle in the morning for breakfast. Yeah, I just don't get that at all. Where's the fun and the crunch? It's so much. It is not even close. to how much better both of those foods are heated. I agree. It's not even close. A chicken nugget. A waffle takes what? I mean, you throw it in the microwave for 10 seconds, it's better.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
They were about this big, and you just... It's like eating paper gum. Listen, you know I'm a product of the 80s. That shit was huge. Were you born in the 60s? Born in 1976, but I was a child of the 80s. Okay. You're a product of the 70s, though. A product of the 70s. Uh-huh. Huh. Mindset of the 50s, huh? Am I right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Throw it in a toaster oven or the toaster for, what, 70 seconds? Crispy. Half a piranha, you're done. As a fat ass, I can see it when you're hungry. 10, 15, we're talking 15 seconds. I'm just saying I could see it, but yeah, that's trash. I don't understand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I could see if it was like, hey, you got to put it, you got to preheat the oven with the chicken nuggets a little bit, but you can get them warm. You can get them warm. I don't mind an Uncrustable frozen. That's what that is. That's a dessert. That's a sweet dessert. Chicken nuggy? Crazy. Man, that would make yours, you wouldn't like that at all. No, that's blasphemy where I come from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That and a lot of people we've talked to have written in or either on the road as well do the uncooked ramen, which I don't get at all either. That just seems like it would hurt. I don't understand where the pleasure comes from. That's crazy. Crazy dog. It's crazy. This one's for Mary.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ever crawl on your knees indoors because you're too lazy to take your shoes off and you don't want to dirty up the floors? I caught myself doing it in my own home. Oh, my God. I did it this morning. You did? You crawled on your knees? No, I had to undo my shoes and go. I forgot my keys or something. I was downstairs walking the door, so they were all wet, all salty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I was like, I got to undo this. Sucked. But never crawling. That's crazy. I'm pretty loose when it comes to that. I'll bend the rules on that. If my shoes are on and I didn't close the window, I'm walking to wherever I gotta go. I take heat for it. I get yelled at. I mean... I take heat for it. You're on the couch. Feet up. Why? My show's on. Yeah, I mean, you're living a life here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're crawling in your own home, so what? You don't get mad at yourself? I don't understand it. Is there any evidence? Has there been any evidence that that got somebody sick? That the dirt on the floor or whatever? I'm sure with children, yeah. Kids are crawling, putting their hands in whatever. Maybe she has kids. That makes sense to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, like, say you're... I thought that was good for you as a kid, though. Nah, I mean, like, you say you step in dog shit, and then the kid puts his hand in it, and then he's got worms or whatever, you know? Nah, I got you. I would assume. I don't know. Maybe she's got kids. I also just think, like, mentally, it's disgusting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, if you really think about it, how much fucking urine and semen I walk in. Yeah, I don't have that mental thing. I'm saying if you really, I don't either, but I'm saying if you start thinking about it, you're like, oh, these are disgusting. You start thinking about it, you go crazy. Sure. How much germs are all over everything at every second of every day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's why it's painful to be friends with the big guy. I got boogies all over me. You're the booger man. It's a winner. My nose is running. Can't ban a booger man. That's why I don't like touching stuff that you touch. It's well documented. You're... A nice, good friend of mine. Garoti.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Would you take a sip of this? I wouldn't. I don't know if you've noticed, I don't touch most stuff that you touch. Yeah, it hurts. You got boogers all the time, dude. It's boogers. I see you. I don't call you out. I see you do that, and you look at it, and you go like that. Sometimes you just play with it, and then you're like, all right, see you later. And I'm like, dude, you're boogified.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I can't do it. I can't. I've just seen too many boogers on your hands. I was thinking more. It's a snotty season. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
A woman in the kitchen? Okay. I don't like a pot roast. I like to eat on Sunday at the same time every week. We didn't really talk about that. You talk about that all the time. What? Eating on Sundays. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Everybody's nose is running out. Yeah, but you don't wash your hands. You're a lazier gent. You don't like getting up to wash your hands. We have to yell at you to get up and wash your hands. My skin's real dry. Yeah, that's not it. Just saying. I like how you're fucked on that. My skin's real dry. Nah, you're lazy. Yeah. Oh, God. Bizzo. Let's see here. This one's from Long Term Bozo.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Are you garbage if you went to the locker room on the last day of school to get shoes the kids left in their locker? My parents could afford new shoes for me, but a free sneaker is a free sneaker. I mean... That's crazy. Every once in a while there was a good find in there. I don't know because I feel like at least I feel like everybody would wear their like already shittier shoes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nobody was bringing like a new pair of Reeboks. But you think that. But then I look at and I see like YouTube pages or whatever where guys make a living selling and dealing in the luggage that people leave at airports. It's fucking. What happened to these people? What do you mean? The one, it was like a checked bag that had a Louis Vuitton bag in it. It had sneakers. It had jewelry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That person got murdered, right? That's a come up. Who doesn't? I'm not saying that's on the reg. It's like storage wars. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean... How does that happen? I mean, maybe the guy's a fucking... Some heiress, and she's like, yeah, I'm not going back to JFK to get my $5,000 purse when I got 50 of them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
So what I'm saying, you might find a halfway decent pair of sneakers for the summer at the fucking... I don't disagree. I'm just saying most... Or a pair of Umbroos. I get it, but man, that stuff, that ain't... You gotta run that through the dishwasher or something. That stuff is... Sure. That stuff ain't clean. That was an old pair of shoes that kid brought in. For sure. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Those things got some fucking miles on them. Man, that fucking... By the way, you bring that up, my luggage got lost. I didn't tell you. Yeah? We lost a full suitcase. Got it back? No. Where is it? They can't locate it. We got a text saying we won't be landing. It's full of mezzo mix. I'm saying one of your bags didn't. They say, one of your bags didn't make it on board the plane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
We are from the generation is different enough where, and we didn't really do this, but my aunt and uncle, who were a little bit older, shout out to Aunt Mary Catherine and Uncle Red, they ate supper. We might have talked about this lightly. Do you know what supper is? Dinner. Now, supper's at like 2 o'clock. Okay. The big meal was at like 2 o'clock. Then you had a little something later on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Please give us your address. Gave him the address. Still no answer. We can't locate your bag. How the fuck does that happen? I don't know. All the computers we got. Were you lippy with the person checking it in? No. You know what the bird does? She puts air tags and everything. Yeah. Should have done that. Got one up my ass right now. Mm-hmm. You don't want to lose you? What a catch you are.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Make sure all my boogers are intact. Don't want to misplace the mucus king. Just sitting on that conveyor belt in the airport going around. Somebody forgot him. Is somebody going to claim him? They're bidding on you. All right, we got to wrap it up. What a fun one. Yeah. Gang, we love you to death. Grab those tickets for the tour. Like Kippy said, we're not bullshitting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Everything's moving pretty fast. We don't want you to miss out. So grab some tickets. Come see us on the road. We can't wait to get back out there. We love you, and we'll see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
A little sandwich. Something like that. I had lunch. I had a late lunch. I had a big lunch. No, it was called supper. I understand what you're calling it, but if you eat it too, that's fucking lunch in my book. Not if it's like pot roast and fucking mashed potatoes and stuff like that. First of all, who's eating that for lunch? Give me that as a present. I like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
So as you know, I was over in Europe visiting the in-laws, doing a little international business. That's right. You're falling down the steps from what I remember. Sure that happened. Okay. I brought you a present. I don't see it on you. It's in my mind. It's right here. Oh, okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry about everything this morning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Meanwhile, I'm sitting there knowingly about to blow your mind and you're just being a fucking dickhead. You're going to blow my mind. Uh-huh. I think so. I'm a nice guy. Is it candy? No. Because you wouldn't get me anything that I would want to eat these days. Because you say, I'm going to die. Unalive, I think, is the term. But it's food. Uh-uh. You said it was food. It's in that world.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's gum. It's candy. No. Just give me it. It's a beverage. A beverage. A German delicacy. Orangina. No, it's called... Is there booze in it? No, we've loosely talked about it. There's drugs in it. It's called Mezzo Mix. Okay. It's Fanta and Coca-Cola pre-mixed in a bottle. Let's see. Whoa. And it's cold. Uh-huh. Mezzo mix. I figured. So this is orange. This is Fanta.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Hey, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's good to be classy. Yeah. You're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
They'll even make it if they don't have it. You go to a restaurant, you'll be like, let me get a fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's orange Coke. I guess. Fanta orange. I believe so, yeah. Mezzo mix. That's what I was told. See, the Europeans, they do this. Take a look at this. It's a law. You got to keep the cap attached to the bottle. Yeah. You just got to rip that off. USA. Cheers. Thank you, my friend. I appreciate it. Only one. You get two sips. You get the first sip. You don't get to crush the cow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's going to get to diet. What? That's not the full thing. What kind of present is that? If I brought you Diet Coke, you would just start slugging it. All right, don't chug it. Stop being gluttonous.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all right. It's got a little hint to it. It's Fanta off rip. Then goes cola. Then turns the corner back to Fanta a little bit. Can I tell you what it tastes like? Sure. Haribo gummy colas. Okay. That's delicious. All right, easy does it. I'm going to wet the bed. I used to get that all the time. Like Fuller? Wet the bed. You are a wetter. Thank you. Can I drink this? What? Can I have this?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. I mean, what are we going to give it back to me? Man, that's all right. I brought you sodas from far away land. How'd you get that over here? You're like a king in the 1300s, wanting spices and stuff from a far away land. Oh, yes, yes. What do you mean, how'd I get it over here? I bought it at the goddamn airport. At JFK? What? In Germany. Yeah, it's from Germany.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, you bought it after security. You put that in the carry-on for me? I did. Wow, thanks, buddy. With the bad back and everything? With everything. You still thought of me? Uh-huh. Aw, I love you. Thank you. Do you? Yeah. Sometimes. I love you to death. What are you talking about? To death.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Until you kill me. That's what it's all about. Come on. These pants got no give. Yeah, why are you wearing trousers? Because it's cold and them jeans are thin. Dude, that is a bad look. That is the toughest of all looks. Who's seeing me? I come here and I go home. Put my gym shit on and go down here and work. I'm not working on my pants. Oh, you sneak that in. Put my gym stuff on. What's that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
What's that? Your athletic trousers you throw on. What are they? Your cat? Your dockers? Put on my dockers and my brown belt, my New Balance shoes, and I go walk on the treadmill. I like to work out in a suit. Thank you. That's very sweet of you. Yeah. Love it. Where's my gift? I got something for you at the house. Yeah, what'd you get? I haven't got a gift from you in a long time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got you a fucking Christmas present, you son of a bitch. That's normal. That's an exchange. You haven't even opened it, by the way. What? My Christmas present. The Craig. That's a Craig, baby. When was the last time you just got me a gift? You didn't get me anything in Hawaii. You didn't bring me back a souvenir or nothing. You were there, dickhead. Now you're lashing out at me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's out in the driveway shooting some hoops. Okay. Oh, that's a good one. I don't know what you were expecting. Okay. That's an H-Foley original. I'm back, baby. Can't tell me nothing. She's out there with the sky hook, the underhand, the whole nine yards. Okay. Freezing out there, too. Snow game. Ball's as hard as a rock. Uh-huh. My ghost is coming at you from across the table.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got you a heater. I'll get you a nice present. I don't know what to get you. You're a curmudgeon. What am I going to do with this? It doesn't matter what I get you. A curmudgeon? You got me a $12 fucking disc. Knock off disc, man. Was that $12? I spent $500 on you. Oh, that's real nice to throw it in somebody's face months later. I did. I think I did it the day of, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
If I remember correctly, I pulled out the receipt. I love my G.I. Joe headquarters. That's got to go, too. You got that set up on the coffee table. I told you not to do it. What? Just for a day or two. It's been fucking well over a month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, because you go, look. It's a showpiece. No, no, because they come in and go, look at my G.I. Joe thing. And all these people have to go, oh, whoa, cool. Seinfeld was just here. Do your kids come to work with you? That's what they said. Do you bring your kids to work? No, that's for me. That's me. Do you like my trousers? I'm off jeans. I'm not off jeans. Let's not get crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm just waiting until the cold snaps over. Because really, the chafing and the fucking dry skin. Sure. Bad. I mean, it's cold. Okay. Yeah, I'm with it. Anyway, thank you for the present. For sure. I'll be waiting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll be waiting on mine. Okay. We'll have to think of something good to get them. Oh, now it's my problem. You're just pulling that off onto Luke. We're kind of one entity against you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
You think it's a battle every time with you. Folks, that's Mezzo Mix. Yeah, we got to get stuck in some fucking East German money. Oh, that'd be nice. Mezzo-Megazine. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Old school. Cheers to the good guys. Here's to the allies, baby. Made fresh every day at Checkpoint Charlie. Would Checkpoint Charlie have been as popular if it didn't have such a zippy name? If it was like Checkpoint Dan or something like that? Might have been one of the dumbest things I've ever said. Yeah, what are you, a Catskills comedian? What the hell? He's got soda on the brain.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's going to make your teeth fall out. That's double the shuggies, Dad. Is it? I mean, I don't know. Probably not. You know, the Germans keep it tight. But it's crazy. The Germans would have that like once a month. I'd be crushing this. This would be my drink. He's got one next to the bed stand. Wake up in the middle of the night. How does that be it? A warm mezzy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, yeah, mezzy and a schnitzy. Shut up, dude. A nice schnitzel. Uh-huh. That's pretty good. All right, let's get it. Enough messing around here. We got business to attend to. Gang, as you know, it's a family episode. We're doing a program here, a show. I know. When you sign up for the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
The homies get the first crack at it, and we're working through them. This one's just funny, and it's a shot at me, which I respect. This is from Garrett. My kid only wants the goldfish crackers. Does that mean he's destined to be bald? It ain't a good sign, pal, if I'm being honest with you. It's a lot of red number four or whatever. Yeah, it's bad news. Do they got that in there? I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Find out how dangerous goldfish are. Who's on that hit list? That's something topical we could talk about. What? That they're getting rid of red 40 or something like that. Red number three or four, yeah. I think it's in like Kool-Aid, Lipstick. You know, in jail, that's the lipstick they use. I know. Kool-Aid on. I know. Start smooching with you. And at certain clubs on the weekends.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout out to Christopher Streep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Whoa. Yeah. All right. Well, that's fucking, that's East German propaganda if I've ever heard it. Written by Fidel Castro. Yeah, what the hell is that? Beat it with that. Of course they don't. I turned out to be all right. My eye falls out. Okay, let's talk about Lucy. Shout out to that sweet, sweet Lucy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's talk about 100% pure, uncut, nicotine, tobacco-free Lucy Breakers or nicotine pouches with an extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release a little extra flavor and... Hydration. A little bit of that boom. Yeah. Let's spark it up a bit. I'm a fan of the mango, and I like the citrus berry. Any citrus berry combo is good. Big man likes a Lucy. I do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Credit Card Fraud w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Like the circle of wagons a little bit. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman. And unfortunately, my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin, who's that unfortunate for? Because I don't think it's great for either one of us if we're being honest.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hachi machi gang that back on the block tour is coming to a city near you so grab the entire squad and come on out and see the boys stand up comedy and then we play a little are you garbage with the crowd it's a good good time yeah we got atlantic city san francisco second show out at portland seattle bray california burlington vermont boston atlanta charlotte raleigh richmond baltimore philly rochester and toronto all tickets available to are you garbage.com do
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Let's go. Listen, all you got to do, talk about an instant setup. It's the future. Boom, you put your phone number or email in. They don't go in. They just keep it secure and safe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, if you're about to send money to a sketchy account or a scam. Give your hands up. Hey, they pop up. Double check this. This smells a little fishy. I don't like that. Cut of this guy's jib. Yes. Cash App is great because it's fast, it's safe, and it just makes life way less stressful, baby. So here it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. I'm talking cash. For real. There's no catch. Just download Cash App. Use our code garbage when you sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Do it. That's pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But all that's neither here nor there, gang. As you know, as the big man said, we got a gosh darn family episode on your hands. And when you join over air on a Patreon, you'll get your garbage question read on the air. 14,000 strong over there. By Kevin James Ryan himself. Ladies and gentlemen. One more minute, please. All right, this one's for Manny. $10, homie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
As a kid, did you ever sign up to bring the napkins or the plates at school potluck or parties because your parents are cheap bastards? Oh, that's the way to go. I was big, I'll bring the chips or soda, guys. There's no way I was putting Denise on the hook for like an Irish stew or something like that, you know? Oh, man. Napkins and plates, easy peasy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Now you get the last four years of bonus content, gang. You sign up this month, you get access to like, I don't know, fucking 500 episodes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I signed her off for churros one time at a fiesta. I didn't tell you. What the hell is that? I don't even have my passport.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Oh, I mean, I know. I learned.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You deep fry them or whatever. There's no fucking way. Your mother. We tried and missed. I signed her up for special equipment. They're not making them at NASA. The broads on a subway are selling them. I'm making them in a kitchen. I mean, first of all, I think the first step in a pot of oil and we had the fry daddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Well, as I got to tell you, we were not dancing. We were jammed the F up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, like, any bag of, yeah, I mean, listen, we weren't. Was it cut with one of those weird scissors? I think we did the bag where you, like, you get, like, the corner of the bag where you just, like, it's a pastry at the end of the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I remember my mom going, what the hell did you even do this for? I'm curious. and to an irish i dropped it on her right i dropped on her last minute like relative like that day like today like they were due wednesday morning was the fiesta might we have peanut oil what you studied abroad in mexico right you did spring break in cancun in 72 right
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's what I am talking about. Also...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uh, and so we, I got a handwritten, I remember being so fucking mad. We got a handwritten, uh, cause my, my Spanish teacher, this is eighth, ninth, seventh, eighth, ninth grade. My Spanish teacher gave like, you got to pick churros or whatever, whatever. And I think I was sick. And I was like, you know, all the plates and chips were already, sodas were already signed up for it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So I'll do the, I'll do the churros. How bad could they be? Kevin got the whole goat. Everybody that made something, she gave you the recipe. It was handwritten. Denise can at least follow a couple steps. I've seen her make a shepherd's pie. It's the same thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it's just you make the batter. You're making cake batter. But she had messed, like, there was a bridge. She had the sugar, added sugar to it, but was, like, looped. Like, it was added after with a line or something, and my mom missed it. And it looked like that was supposed to go in the coating, like the cinnamon coating. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was talking about the back on the block tour, motherfucker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but it was all supposed to go in the batter, but the way she had handwritten it made it seem... Savory churros? Man, we put chocolate on them and everything. My mom's like, these stink. I'm like, I can't go in empty-handed. This broad's going to flunk me. You know what I mean? LFA. I'm going to have to take Spanish dos, dos timos. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I want to thank Kevin for his cilantro and cinnamon churros. Yeah, she went, this ain't it. I'm like, I know. She goes, it feels like they're missing sugar. Who said this? The teacher. Oh, fuck her. Do your own fucking cooking. My mom did not like her moving on from then on. She's like, well, he gave me the thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You are fat. I don't know how you got this fat. She's that bad of a cook. Yeah, it was that. I remember my mom was so like, what the fuck? Oh, you embarrassed her. I didn't. Kinda. Miss Grossman had the bad handwriting. Grossman was your Spanish teacher? Hola.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Man, that sucks. Patty with cupcakes, maybe. We didn't do it. Dude, I didn't like show. I didn't want to be the center of it. I don't want to fuck up. You take a big swing. You fucked it up. How was the rest of the meal?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Or right after. A little grazing. Yeah. One more minute, please.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I always signed up for whatever. Even we went to a Super Bowl party. Five, whatever, a handful of years ago. And they were like, everybody bring something. And I'm like, I'll get chips. I'm not, like, making, like, Kippy's homemade guac or nothing like that. Like, I'm going with, like, I took the Subway to their place. I went into the bodega.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I bought, like, as I saw me and three other Dirtbag Comics in there, all my boys just buying the things they said. You coordinate that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Great question, though. Yeah, good question.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Something someone else is making and packaging. Throw a little money at them. This one is very restaurant heavy or food heavy. This is from KJ Peterman. I ask my lords of garbage, if I'm eating a chicken sandwich on like a burger bun, like a good bun. I'm with you. Do I put that top down after the first bite? I'm talking chicken sandwich with all the works, coleslaw and all. That's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. It'd have to be... Let me get hands on it, and I'll let you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, of course not. They're too light.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I feel like that would be. That balances it out. I don't think so. I feel like it would be top heavy. No. Okay. Guy who knows everything. All right, let's see. This one's from Pierce. Is it garbage if you and your spouse drive two of the same vehicle? My neighbors have two Ford Rangers. The toughest look. That's so weird to me. That's like a brother or sister. I think my sister just did that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's weird. They got like two of the same cars. What are you, the feds? What the fuck? They are like SUVs. It's like... Yeah. I never understood that. A mom should have a mom car and a dad should have a dad car. Listen, I know we're gender neutral, but there's gendered cars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was like, what the fuck? We did that. That's how we became a Chevy Lumina family. Danny was in high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, he was in college. He was on sabbatical from college. Let's put it that way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but a lot of the suburban kids, guys. Suburban kids. A lot of these suburban guys are rolling around in the big black or dark gray ATF alphabet boys. Suburbans and Tahos. The Yukons.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They're nice cars. What did they say they had? Two Ford Rangers. If they're the new Ford Rangers, cool. They're the old ones. That's a little jump seat in the back. What do you have, a petting zoo? The little trucks? Yeah. The new ones are nice. The new ones are like more new age. Those always creep me out. The new ones are like smaller F-150s kind of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Whenever anybody's dad drove a small truck, especially if it had a cabin on the back. You're talking about my stepdad. He had the Ford Ranger, multiple colored Ford Ranger with like the lines down the side. And the cabin? The cabin, the back, the red interior that had... Sunflower seeds and Winston ash all over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It smelled like... I mean, I've been in a lot of work trucks. This was like... Rust and cigarettes? Yes, you were grease and soot and everything. CB radio. Papers galore. I'm talking, you were like... What are they? I've had a car my whole life. There's not one paper above in my visor. My dad and stepdad filing cabinets worth of shit. Remember, they don't have receipts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And the only thing I do that I do like my dad is, well, now I have easy pass, but I didn't have easy pass for a long time up until like, you know, two, three years ago. I'd get the ticket and put that up there. Like, when I went to the toll, you pull, like, on the turnpike, you pull that, that goes right up there. Because if that motherfucker was missing when you pulled up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We lost one going to Big Boulder and Jack Frost in the Poconos, and I remember my dad screaming. Because he put the window down and catch a heater, and then papers would blow everywhere. It was probably $3. I know. Well, you know, you have to pay the max, which would probably be, like, could be, like, $25. You could sink the ship and pay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You think you could? Uh-huh. All right. I mean, you look at enough maps that, like, it's not like, I mean, you're using a version of a map on a phone, so, like, I can understand direction. We drove from Bucks to Toronto with a map, MapQuest and a map.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was catching heaters. Yeah, I was navigating. I was co-pilot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So you're saying coming up here, get on this on-ramp to 287. You got to look at like I-894. And I mean, this was, we literally printed out the turn-by-turn directions plus a map. But yeah, I was going to say map quest is easier because it was, I'm talking a straight map. Hold on. But you can't – I can't clock, oh, we've gone 10 miles. So you're constantly – and we had a map highlighted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So you're like, all right, well, we just passed 287. That means 299 is coming up or whatever. Man, that would get us all killed. Dude, that map – it was like 15 pages long. I was like – I felt like a guy in a Titanic when it was going down. I'm flipping pages. Wait, turn around. And charts. Meanwhile, I got a heater going. It was bad. Man. Yeah. How did we get there? Oh, the car, the Ford Rangers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I would never, ever, ever say that about you. You're my best friend in the world, and you've never done any wrong, and my eyes continue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see here. This is from Meatball150. I don't know what that is, but great name. Something to do with me, I assume. $10 shareholder, never had one read. Are you garbage if you save shoelaces from old shoes because you never know when you're going to need a replacement set?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, because they get those weird marks on them where they're in the loops. Yours do, for sure. Yeah. It's like you're working in a coal miner. You haven't worked any sort of laborious job in a decade. And it's like you're covered in soot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
As a kid, a lot when you were skating, it would rip, and we would tie them back together. That was like a vibe. I had that, yeah. I was like, yeah, I'm out of here working.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, you're just saying that. But it was cool. But it was cool. It's kind of cool. You don't know if you've seen these kids walk around in the dirty Air Force Ones. It's cool again. All right. I mean, your hokas look like you pulled them out of fucking Mount Vesuvius.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
at one point i thought you were wearing like khaki color okas and then i was like oh they're the white ones from two months ago that happened like four days ago in my head i didn't say anything because i want to break your stuff they're all stained up yeah um all right let's see i mean yeah i haven't hold on new laces i don't even like you and sometimes i buy a pair of shoes that comes with a second set of laces i'm like throw these out like i've ever had that yeah
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I had a backpack on my foot. What did they call it? Did you ever relace it to the bars or whatever? I couldn't do that shit. We did it once. Do you know what I mean? With the Nike? Yeah, so it would be straight across. Yes, my cousin did that for me once. Man, finding someone could do that. It was that. I remember somebody did it on a field trip for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Because I was like, I can take my shoes off and no phones or whatever. I feel like you're real big shots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Sorry, Steve's back there doing my shoes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is that what they're called? I think they're called Barley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Straight bar lacing. I mean, yeah, the shell tops, I never got them. Stan Smith sounds like a nice guy. I never met him. But that ain't my cup of tea. I'm not LL Cool J over here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, that and then... Fuck, I'm drawing a blank.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is that what you were doing? I couldn't do that shit. You were giving him hand jobs probably in the back of the bus. Hey, listen, I don't know how to tie my own shoes, and I ain't good at restringing a stick, but I will sure put a working on your hog over there. I will throat coat that thing until we get to Neshaminy. Shout out to Neshaminy Mall. Of course. All right, let's see here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one's from Tom. Hey, gang, are you garbage if you wall mount your dust buster near your couch? I'll be goddamn if I have to get up and walk across the room after watching a game with some nachos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The wall mount. The Ryans, Kellys, and Sullivans, the three of the families together, Have never mounted anything that was supposed to be mounted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think the one phone came with the house, and then the second that got replaced, it went downhill. It was like, hang in. It was never right again.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like a boiler rooms game. You guys are doing a bump and dump. Bunch of landlines on the floor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You were also the trashy family. No, no.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That kid's two front teeth were always too far apart, and there was no braces in sight either. That kid was not going to the orthodontist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No shot. Yeah, we had a dust buster. That's pretty classy. Yeah, but it never worked, and the filter never got, like, it was, I think when they were doing well in the mid-'80s. Mm-hmm. There was some of that, like, my dad came home with a computer. It was like, what the hell is that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You know, I think he was trying to wow his, you know, like, did you ever see the wedding singer when he comes, when John Guglia comes home with the CD player and he's like, oh, what record? It was like that. Like, my dad, like, he had some cash, so he was like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Trying to show off. Flex a little bit. Flex a little bit. Yeah. But that didn't work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We liked it. We liked it in the air. But we had, and then we had a red devil, dirt devil. Dirt devils are all right. We had, this was, my mom probably still had, it was a plugged in one. Gas powered. It was my job to do the stairs. Man, plugging that in and doing the stairs with that third devil. You couldn't tell me shit. I was king of the castle, lord of the manor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was giving them high and tight. I was fading them in on the side, set of points on them. Like a Yankee stadium out there. Oh, man, I loved it. I'd play with my guys on it after it was freshly mowed. I'd have a whole base going.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The whole battlefield changed on a clean carpet. I'd yell at the dog. He's getting his footprints in it and wiping his.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Maybe fucking fast repelling down and stuff. One guy would fall over the edge, wouldn't make it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, we were very much, and we still are. I still operate my life like this, where it's like, also to go back to this, the fact that it's mounted, the fact that you have a Dustbuster classy, the fact that it's mounted very classy, the fact that it's mounted next to the couch, trashy. Trashy. That should be like, remember people had it in the garage? Yeah. I'm with it. For sure. I'm not judging.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm just saying. You got to ask for an answer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
My office is always open to you. I was vacuuming. Okay. Right? I think we got a shark or something. Something solid. Middle of the road. Plugged in. Now, I vacuumed. Plugged in? Yeah. Really? We do a plug-in. Wow. This goes back to my childhood. We're not good with batteries. We're not. The rechargeable ones. I'm not that guy. Huh. I'm not going to put it in its thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm not going to plug it into the wall. I just don't do it. Wow. I know. We got one in the burbs, and I never plug it in, and I get yelled at. It just is what it is. I'm not a guy that... It's not me. Have you ever seen me plug anything in around here? Not once. Your computer's always dying, too. My phone's always dying. I'm not good at charging stuff. It gives me anxiety.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, it's nice to know that you're running the company. I think I've been doing a pretty good job thus far. The carpet's dirty as shit. Luke, plug that in. Now... What? We got a dog. Yeah, you got a dog. Shed season. I know that much. He sheds a lot. I'm just kidding. Good doggy. So I do it. I'm doing a whole space, doing a bedroom, doing a hallway. Vacuum the dog.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, I will do his bed, though, which, man, it's like pissing in the wind. Anyhoo. It was filled with dog hair. I emptied it. I ran it again, filled it again with dog hair, and just put that away for my wife to handle next. It felt, as I was doing it, I go, this is a dirtbag move because my wife is very pregnant. I'm making her do this at a later date.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I did it under the guise of I'm probably going to have to vacuum next, so I'm just going to do it next. But the trash bag was so full that I wouldn't have been able to get it all in there. I don't want to take the trash out. And this is the whole thing. I was hungover. I was trying to relax. This is ruining my day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But then that leads a chain reaction to the trash. And then I got to go downstairs. I got to talk to the guy. I'm running errands. I got to send something back. I got to go to the UPS store. Oh, you're leaving? Can you stop by and get me this?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All because I was trying to be nice. Were you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was trying to be nice and vacuum. I take heat for that, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm out here calling you fat and talking about my dick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's all in them pipes and tubes and stuff. That's bad. Let me get a shop back and knock that out for sure. But...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I've done that. If it's two seconds. What do you mean? No, I've done that, but it's never been for me. It's the other lollygaggers at the table. Exactly. But I've had to do it with said loved ones, i.e. my wife. Of course, which is why I bring this up. You're out to dinner with my wife.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Sorry. I think you just probably had a knockoff. No, we had a... Like a Ryobi or something. Clarkman. Yeah, he suffered Clarkman. That's a misprint. Listen, this is well documented. That was pretty much our vacuum at my dad's house growing up was a shop vac. My dad would shop vac anything and everything. I'm talking cobwebs, poop up from the dog. He'd do the couches, the whatever, the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see here. This one's from Phil A. $10 blank head. How you doing? Talk to me. You's ever shit at a restaurant, but you're only getting takeout. That's a wild, wild move, but I respect it. I do respect it, I should say. Man, talk about them hating the shit out of me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Also, you got to walk by the people eating because that bathroom's in the back of the dining room. That's not right up. You're rolling around in a bathing suit. You're all wet. That's tough. Oh, man. Yeah, but so, like, what would you go in? Like, oh, would you go, hey, where's your bathroom? Or would you just walk in? Because if it's not crowded, they're going to walk in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They're going to go, hey, how can I help you? You go, I'll be right back. I'm about to need 12, 18 minutes. I was going to say, I'll need another minute. So you've got to – hopefully it's crowded. You can sneak in, go to the bathroom, come back, jump in the back of the line. Right, right. That's ideal circumstances, but, you know, I don't know about that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But then you're also going right home. Like, you don't have 15 minutes. You don't have 15 minutes. It's a wild move. You shouldn't have left the house, I would say. You should have been like, you know what, let me knock this out. Then I'll go pick up food.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I feel obligated. I don't know if that's like a whole universal thing. It's a very East Coast thing where it's like customers are – we operate under the kind of guise that bathrooms are for customers only, and you want to go – just go in and like, I'll get this, and where's the bathroom? A cup of coffee, where's the bathroom?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I would leave that there. Yeah, just leave it on the counter. Probably not. No, maybe... I'll be back in 18 minutes. I'd only put my stuff in public, and that banter ain't great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So, New York specifically, all the stores and places are tight. So, you walk in, you're typically getting great, like, a lot of the bathrooms are locked. Yeah. Or for customers, like, they're playing defense. That's all I'm saying. So, a lot of times you go and you might need a code, you might need a key, you might need a something. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I've been drinking a lot of water recently, trying to do a gallon a day. Good for you. So we come down here in the morning. I get out of the car, and I try to walk over the last 20 minutes. I take a 20-minute walk from the water over here. Nice. It's beautiful weather. I throw my headphones in, get my steps in, enjoy the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But around halfway through, I got to take a tanky bed. And it's like I have this place. I don't know if it's like an all-boupon. It's something. I forget what it is. Pret-a-monger? It's not that. The fishmongers? What's it called? Pret-manger? Pret-a-manger? Pret-a-manger? I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is that right? I hit through a lot of stank on that. Oh, man, you're fired. I got to take an a la dump. I just shit my a la drawers. And there's a place I found where it is a little retail-y. It's a restaurant, but a coffee spot. It's a chain. And I know they're not locked. You're in a Nordstrom rack. Those are sometimes the best.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Because it's up of, so when you're going to the bathroom publicly in New York, the ones that have good access are typically overran by homeless people. Like if it's got, if it's a public place, it's bad. So you got to go into a little bit, Starbucks, it's like pooping in the sewers. It's like you're hanging down there with the turtles, baby. It's tough. A Starbucks anymore is bad. Yeah. Very bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's like a gas station bathroom off the side of the highway, bad. So you try to avoid those. So you got to go to something a little more elevated to get a cleaner experience. Sure. But those then tend to have more defense, hence why they're not overran with street people. So that's where you, but this one's, it's the perfect, it's a little grody, a little grody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But clean enough, and there's no defense. I would do it every day. I feel so confident walking in there. You don't get nothing? I don't even look at them anymore. I don't even care if it's crowded. If it's not crowded, I go right to the bath. They probably hate me. I catch some eyes on the way out. I did clog the toilet, Troy. Tell me you have a to-go order. I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Put my wallet in the car. Walk in the kitchen. Yeah, so it's tough. It's a balancing act. There's one at – dude, if you go to – I walked into one. I told you. I don't know if I told you, actually. I walked into one at the park. over there on like 9th Ave, where we shot the two bears running video. Yes, yes, yes. I was walking from that over that way. I was like, I love it. I was walking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm like, let me pop in there. Oh, the homeless dog. Oh, did I tell you that? Yeah, you told me. The dog was looking out under the stall. I was like, fucking backed up. Some guy shooting K in there or something like that. Oh, God damn. All right, let's see here. $10. I think this is from Tony. I don't know. The names got mixed up. I apologize. $10, homie. Never have one read.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is it garbage to send a bird pictures of what you hope your house will look like by the time she can come over? Hear me out. What? My walls are currently sheetrock right now, but I used an AI program to put paint on them. I think it's ingenious, but if this chick keeps chirping me back, I better get the paint.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So he's living in an unfinished house at the moment, and he's using an app to paint the walls and go, look how nice my place is. Oh, man. So he's talking to a new lady online on one of the apps. Probably. I got my own place, blah, blah, blah. He's bragging about a place that is currently sheetrock. And they're taking it slow, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like, hey, what do you guys want to drink? Also, let's get the orders in. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Get the plastic hanging up real Dexter style. The AI is a genius. I mean, I've been out of the game for a minute, but people are.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They're going to end up in a poor house. You bought all these sunglasses. They were dead.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, listen, I respect the hustle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You got to do the, you know what I mean? And maybe it will entice you to paint it sooner and get this brought over. What are you doing with the furniture? Are you doing AI that too? Unless you got furniture. I guess you got furniture in a sheet, just a sheet rock house. That's awesome. Tell her you're a minimalist. Talk about cold aesthetics. I can't lie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got exposed, exposed, un-taped drywall at the crib. You're in the process, though. I mean. Cousin Michael put it up fucking... This was like six weeks ago at this point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Screwing me over. All right, let's see. This one is... How can you not be good at taping? That's the easiest part. I know. I told... It gets too wet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We had a family party. He's got the cool guy mullet going. Yeah?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Kind of. More like, you know. country music festival slash golf YouTuber or something like that. Scalping tickets at Stagecoach. That's what he looks like. All right, let's see. This one's from Hansi Gruber. Great name. $10 dignitary. Ever have a parent play you a cassette or CD or anything of their homie's garage band?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
When I was a kid, I remember my mom trying to convince me her friend's band was cool. Now as I'm writing this, I recall it was a guy friend. Maybe there's more to the story. I mean, that's tough. There's no way they were good. Adults shouldn't be in a garage band.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Start, start, start lowing them shoulders, dog. Diddy bopping up in this motherfucker. Get the fuck out of here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, I never... Not the parents of everybody that was in a band.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
A little bit of painted black. Heard a lot of Gimme Shelter when they closed their eyes. All along the watchtower.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hold on. You're doing a lot of stammering and stuttering trying to get this out. Let me just try to see if I can. I'm trying to dance around this politically.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I've recorded up in Canada. I forgot to tell you I was drunk at a family party recently and I was saying goodbye. I was leaving early. I was saying goodbye to everybody. I was pretty tuned up. You know what I mean? Open bar. Get your nuts out. Hang and breathe. And I'm like hugging. It's like my aunts. And I'm like trying to. There's so many people you got to say bye to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And you're like, we're making the rounds. And I lean in. I hug my Aunt Kate. Hug and kiss my Aunt Kate, who's over here. Again, banged up. I lean in to hug and kiss. Who I'm just assuming is an aunt. It was my Uncle Den. And I got fucking stiff-armed real soon. He's about to give me a kiss. I was like, I'm pretty fucked up. I'm not going to lie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Dude, I thought I was ready to give him a jump at a truck stop bathroom. Wait, you don't give your uncles kisses? Not Uncle Den. No. One or two uncles from when I was a kid that carried on a little bit. My Uncle Den don't do hugs. He's a firm handshake, and he's got spackle on his hands. I think we did. You kissed my Uncle Den? You bastard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I understand. Let me see if I can get everybody. Let's see if I can get the homies and the bozos up to speed. Right? Let me go over the meeting minutes here. We have you and who out to dinner? Yeah. Okay. You, and was it a group or an individual? It was just us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, that's what I'll do. Two of my uncles don't fly that way. Okay. Uncle Dan and Uncle Larry. Handshakes. Handshakes. Even for the wife. You look beautiful. You're glowing. Yeah, no. But those guys are usually the ones I wasn't super close to them. They were their kids were all like my uncles that I grew up who were like my proper like. Right. Like my uncle John. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like you get like a hug and a kiss.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, maybe. I mean, I never looked at them kissing the other broads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He leaned back to, I think, my Uncle Larry who was behind him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He just starts punching you. Record stops.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, that was, I won't hear that every time I see it. Don't try to kiss me. I'm going to catch that for the rest of my life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It doesn't fit me. Yeah, because you don't have one. I'm a dick man. You're a weenie guy. A little smoky. You like those?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I like putting them in my mouth.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This is from jdog69. $10 homie here. Not a question, but I did get bit by a dog this weekend. Five stitches in the leg. God damn. That's a couple. You got to get a couple of shots. That's serious. Yeah. That's a bite and turn. That's no nip. Fuck that. Damn, dude, that's fucked up. That hurt. All right, let's see here. All right, this one's from Patty, $10 angel investor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This is a fantastic one, which I can't believe. This, to me, should make it Sometimes these homies just get the show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And our line of questioning. Of course. And I love them for it. This should make it in the background questions with guests to me. Okay, wow. Right? At any point, have you ever looked out your front door and seen a traffic light? If you live in the city, obviously that's different. I think that's very telling of the size of the road you grew up on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
any sort of industry, I mean, because that's not a neighborhood necessarily. Stop signs are in neighborhoods.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You may cross now. There's a guy. Yeah. That's a good one. I mean, obviously, follow-up question is needed, but that gives you a very good indicator of. That's bad. That's good. That's good stuff right there. That's in there. All right. This one's from eight Foley. Ten dollar fat ass here. Never have one read.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is it garbage if your uncle kept a pet lizard loose in the house to help with the roach problem? I don't know what's fucking worse. What are we doing here? Roach. I'd rather have roaches than a lizard. I disagree. What? I wouldn't mind watching them work either. Are you putting them away when you sleep, though? You got it. What's he going to do? I don't want to know. He's full. He's your guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I just saw a video of a dude falls asleep. An old guy in the hood falls asleep and they put one of them bearded dragons on his chest and then go, you, you. Dude, he wakes up. He fucking shits. He goes to get it. It's stuck to his shirt. He falls out of the seat. It's what the internet was made for. That guy. They don't bite. I don't matter. I don't want anything to do with the lizard ever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They're too fast. I don't trust them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
First of all, his first problem, he's got a bad roach problem. A little bit of combat or something knocked these guys out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
God damn. All right, gang, but we got to wrap it up there, guys. What a fun one. Amen, sister. Gang, grab some tickets to the Back on the Block tour, and we'll see you out there, and we love you, and we'll see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What's this got to do with the price of tea in China?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Okay. So the waiter or the server comes over, and you say... Hey, can I get another minute? No. Or they say, hey, can I get another minute? Yeah, I thought, yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're saying this to your co-worker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You get one. I'll give you one because a lot of times they circle back a little quick, and maybe it's, hey, it's you and Lenny's anniversary of the day you started working. I'm doing that on the anniversary. Come on! Maybe it's a special day in you and Lenny's relationship. It was not. Situationship. It was a regular early dinner. Listen, I get it. I'm just saying if there is a certain.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And it was hibachi. So it's like, what the fuck? The grill's going. Hey, Lenny, get a club. It's either the chicken or shrimp or the steak. It wasn't hibachi. You didn't do hibachi, did you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And they're really moving with the New York movers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What did you expect, dude? You did an Upper West Side bocce, right? I didn't make this call. You might as well went to TGI Fridays in Times Square. I'm aware of that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It happened. I'll tell you it happened. We know it happened. I'm just saying. Listen, I'll give you my two cents. You get one. Like I said, if you sit down, you guys get off on a topic, blah, blah, blah. If you're talking, you go, ah, shit, we got sidetracked. We didn't really. The drinks got. That has never happened to me once.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, when they're out having fun. It's turn and burn, lady. Hey, buddy, you're working. I'm pretty sure you're on Percocet, okay? You've lost all track of time. This is turn and burn. The menu's in front of you. You're sitting here like McConaughey. Time is a flat circle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I know, but also, listen, I got to push back a little bit. I understand where you're coming from. But at the same time, you're there to have a good time. Yeah, but you're hoity-toity now. You're nouveau riche.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, so here's the thing. You're allowed... I'm not saying it's right, but I'll give you the, ah, yeah, sorry, we got sidetracked and whatever, whatever. I'm not saying that. I'm ready.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You gotta let me... I'm on your side. I agree. But you also have to go, you can't live in absolutes. That's going to happen every now and then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm just saying. I mean, yeah, listen, I think you're being a little too hard on it. You're allowed to ask for a graceful minute every once in a while if needed. That's what I'm saying. If this is happening every time you go out to dinner, you got to huddle up before you get in there. Go, let's look at the menu. Let's do that. There you go. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. You do that, which I was always taught that can jam up the kitchen. I only do it if they offer. Hold on. If they go, hey, you want to get some drinks in and you want to get some other stuff, I'll do it if they offer. I never have gone and never will go. We're going to put some appetizers in. then come back to us. That's insane. I'm a real hypocrite, aren't I? You might as well be the queen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So I'm a hypocrite. Yes, this just in, sure. Yeah, I only do that if they offer because I don't know how that kitchen runs and I'm very sympathetic to the waiter. I don't want them to, you know, I hate to be the guy in any situation where they walk in the back and go the jerk off to table 32 wanted their potato skins in earlier. You know what I mean? That's not the vibe I want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And then like, oh, another round of potato skins, you know? But that's... And I'll do it if we go out to dinner with my family. There'll be like 13 or 14 of us. We'll do... Let's get some apps in. Because you got the kids, you know what I mean? And listen, we're not going to anywhere that's not based off of Fry-A-Later. Full disclosure. I asked for the menu.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
See, dude, that's insane. You're running them for more dressing that comes at your fault. You should go, I want extra dressing. I drowned this thing. Which then she didn't, Lenny didn't touch it after that because it was too much dressing. But it's all carrot. Man, that must have been a lot of dressing. I've never heard somebody say there's too much dressing. That had to be a lot of dressing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uh, yeah, you are. I mean, listen, you have worked in kitchens for a very long time, but you do have a lot of social taboos that I see when I'm out a lot of times with, you know, taboos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Well, I don't know. You get them. You know, you get the sticks on the brain.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
100% sparingly. No one's saying it shouldn't be. 100% once a year you get one. If you need it more than once a year, you are the problem.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't listen. You're probably in the doghouse. I wouldn't have a conversation. You ruined a salad for her. You guys are even as far as I'm concerned. Fair enough. That's all I'm saying. All right. Yeah, that's – we're all well aware of you go in and you're – this is how I came up. You try to keep your head down. You don't make any real big adjustments.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify. And then things ain't doing too shabby. Yeah. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you sign up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You can say, hey, no tomato, no this, no that, whatever. But you're – it's actually treated like a bank heist. You keep your – no eye contact. I don't want to be the hero at the table. Sure. But that – it is what it is. I'm with you. Kit, what do you know about Cash App?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
$5,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
$200,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
The lawyer was held in contempt.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
Anywhere else?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
Right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Are You Garbage Goes to Court! (w/ Defense Attorney Todd Spodek)
I love you too, baby. See you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. And last but not least, the new RU Garbage card game is out. Available on rugarbage.com. The third edition, the 2025 edition. And if you act now, you don't get a discount. So just get them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Open Phone is offering our listeners 20% off your first six months at openphone.com slash garbage. That's Open Phone, O-P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E dot com slash garbage. And if you have an existing number with another service, Open Phone will port them over at no extra charge because they take care of you over there. Open phone, no missed calls, no missed calls, no missed customers. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got a goddamn family episode, gang. As you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your question on the air. Got two tree humdingers here. This one, all right, this is from Kirk. First time, long time. As a notoriously fast eater, is it garbage to order yourself a personal pizza once you're done your entree so you have something to eat while your wife finishes up her meal?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
If it helps, she's completely okay with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Seems crazy to me. I don't know why. I've definitely ordered wings. But like me and my brother and my mom. Save the flats for me. Yeah. I don't know. Just, you know, order and wait. Is that range? Ordering wings with your mom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, is this from the boot? It's from the boot. Who picked up the check here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They are cooking. While supplies last. Yeah, so this is pretty cool. We're stoked about it. It's over, I think, 50 new questions. Some you've heard, some you haven't heard. Some from the writer's room. Some of your favorites. This is the third one. We're fucking super proud of it. Go get it. You can play with your friends, your family. I'm legally not allowed to say it's a drinking game, so...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Because you can't just be sitting there. Listen, I totally agree with you. But how would you order it at the same time? Or would you order it after? You got to order it. Because if you order, you got to think that's going to be at least 15 minutes until it comes out. So you're sitting there with your dick in your hand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I would do it as the food gets dropped. Okay. Hey, by the way, you might throw it in a personal pan pizza. We're going to splat it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Okay, this is a weird system we got going on here, but I'm listening.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got breakfast for all you guys. Me and Rubinoff went to the whatever. Uh-huh. And, you know, well, you're saying you don't... I don't like it. I don't know why. I don't love it. It's a little weird.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think it's fine. I mean, I think it's probably more... It's more normalized now, I would assume. I would assume...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That was usually. Also, if my mom's going, if my parents were going to dinner, mom, stepdad, stepmom or stepdad or dad. They're leaving, and I'm staying at the house. I'm getting 20 to order a Zop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Are you getting appetizers? They're dropping them. You're like, come on, bread, please. That's crazy. That's fucked up, dude. Great question. Great question. Respect the move. In the same world of pizza, Foley's Osempi dealer. First time, long time. Are you garbage if you eat pizza while driving? My wife thinks this is crazy to eat a large pie with the box on the dash on my way home from work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
but it's a drinking game. Ah, easy does it, big man. I mean, they're coming after you and Tootie. If you get jammed up, I had nothing to do with that. We got the tape.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
P.S. I drive a PT Cruiser, by the way. Yikes. I mean, listen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't think... What's the oil? I would say no. Listen, I'm a fat ass. I like eating in a car. I like eating. I love pizza. Flatbread free. King of the burbs. No big deal. King of the boards. You know all of this. Shout out Sam's Pizza. But... As somebody who's eating pizza in the car, typically I'll get a slice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
If we were driving down the shore to Philly to see my mom or whatever, and we were starving, I'd get a slice in the neighborhood and eat it in a couple of minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. She would hold it, and I would just fucking... I'm scarfing it just to get something in my belly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And it's a two-handed dish. Yeah, it's a two-handed dish. Unless you get like... You get a dollar slice, it's pretty crisp. You're crushing it. But it's still, you're holding the plate, you're holding the fucking slice. I would say it's trashy. I mean, no one's eating, otherwise people would be doing it more. No one's eating a fucking large pizza off the dashboard. That's fucking trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I would say you shouldn't be. A slice if you're like, I'm jammed up and you live next to a pizza place and you're hopping in the car. That I'll give you. Very on brand for the PT Cruiser driver. I got to give you that one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I will agree with you on that. Shout out to that. As much as I've been in cars with pizza, like on my, you never, we never. No. Never. I would feel rude showing up, even if I was going home. Like, even to, like, my wife, if I was just picking up a pie and coming home.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I don't like that. I take it back. What the fuck are you giving me a fucking half-eaten Zav for, bro?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, this one, seven days a week, $10 OG. Ever drink coffee in a regular cup? Yeah. For some reason, it's weird. Love it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's given. Delicious. At that point. Pack it with ice. No, the other way is trash. Coffee out of another cup is trash. I agree. Because a coffee... Man, I remember. You never... There's not enough fucking... There's not enough soda in a coffee cup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Somebody has told me that their Dominican grandmother did not like being called this sort of. They're like, you're trash. He's like, shut up. Hitting them with a slipper or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Because I told you... But you don't get enough... Your sip regulation isn't normal. You're not taking normal sips because you'll... It ain't for me. That's all I'm saying. It seems foreign.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
For sure, but I don't like that. Then I'm not in a normal rhythm of eating and drinking. I don't mind it. I'm refilling. The sips aren't the same.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I liked it. All right, this is from my mom's name is Bernie. $10 donator towards the big man's tongue reduction. Never have one read. Take a lot of shit from my tongue. That's a big tongue. Start laughing. Different. You're stonewalling me over the whole show. That's interesting. LOL. That's a good point there, BRB.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is it garbage to claim someone in your family knows a celebrity because your dad's cousin was the cellmate of Tex from the Manson murders? I don't know who. Find out who Tex was. He was the guy. He was Austin Butler. Ah, the main dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Charles Tex Watson is a murderer of the central member of the Manson family led by Charles Manson. Damn. More of a Marilyn Manson family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, that's true. I mean, listen, that's part of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I am the king of the burbs, self-appointed king of the burbs. A lot of man work I'm doing down there. Yeah? No, not really. That was mostly a photo op-ed my cousin Michael come to the rest.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's pretty famous to me. Oh, and John 5. They always had the John 5 Briefly Battle of 2003. Oh, man, you're really. What's your algorithm? Getting close from 2003. And a lot of gazungas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see. This one's from Uncle Randy. Very food heavy. Uncle Randy, $10 OG hoagie. Never have one red. Is it garbage to order a side of mashed potatoes with ravioli and meatballs? When I was a kid, my grandparents would take me to dinner and let me get whatever I wanted. That was my pick every time. That is a heavy bike meal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Dude, meatballs and mashed potatoes is great. I've done it. It's just heavy. That's a heavy weekend, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, we do it at Christmas. Yeah. I mean, Christmas because it gets catered because there's so many of us. It's just like a shitty caterer in fucking Philly. It's so good, though. And it's just the sterno chafing dishes. Meatballs, dude, penne. Do you do penne? Sure. You do a little penne. That penne was always real dry. A little bit of mashed potato.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, not even soupy. Yeah, that's tough. That's a hard one. I've told you before. I remember one time my aunt took me and my little fat ass out to breakfast one time, and I ordered pancakes and a bagel. You're down the shore. Are you running a marathon? Carbohydrate. And she's like, how about you get a bowl of fruit? And I was like, yeah, whatever you say, lady. Go for it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Are you guys their Froot Loops? I was like, I ain't going to fucking touch it. I didn't know that. That's where my love affair with carbs started. There was nothing wrong with crushing a short stack in a poppy seed baggie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
How about you mind your own business? Let me get a Western to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's trashy because one, they are... It's trashy. Obviously, but they're both heavy, but two, they don't... Normally, they shouldn't be mixed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know why you're... What? No, I would argue that's also very... It's fine.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Listen, I'm not saying they're not. Who's... You know they don't... They're not on very many menus. Give me that. Will you give me that? What? Meatballs and mashed potatoes? Meatballs and mashed potatoes don't end up on a lot of... You're not going down to Carbone's down on Sullivan Street and getting fucking meatballs and mashed potatoes. Okay, guy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Listen, I have it every year. It does not feel right. When you're doing it, you feel like you're being a naughty little boy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, thank you. No good? Couple dinner rolls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I've never touched that salad, ever, in 38 years. Whatever, say I'm 38. There's like three cucumbers and a couple of shredded carrots on top. I've been serving myself for, let's call it 36 years or whatever. Not 36, whatever. 33 years, 32 years. I ain't never even batted an eye at one of them salads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't mind with the soup with that salad. It sucks when you're stuck in front of it because a lot of times it's the first thing, and I'm just waiting to get to the tendies and the fries or whatever's down at the end. A lot of times I'll bust a button hook around the guy. I ain't doing a pro. I'm sick. I had a salad for lunch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, you've told me a lot of your food opinions.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That doesn't get there. I like that as a side.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Jesus Christ. This guy's got it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
There was a time, I don't know why, but my mom Denise's freezer was chock full of bags of frozen raviolis.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like Market Day or something, I think we would get them. I don't know. We would just get bags.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They were in like little square, look like a book. No, those were the stuffed shells. Yes. Which I learned my, those just, man, the outside would get, they took 55 minutes. And as a fucking fat 11-year-old in the home alone, that might as well have been 10 days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
These are a lot. I mean, listen, there's not a lot of furniture in any of these rooms. There are a lot of nondescript rooms with my dirty socks in them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But my mom showed me how to make raviolis one time. She's like, you can make these when I'm at work. Man. Crushing a bag. For what a family of five would do, I would do at 4.30 p.m. on a Tuesday home alone. Pre-dinner. Pre-dinner, two-liter Coke, just going TRL with my jams on. Watching that Carson Daly and Fred Durst. Yeah. Oh, man, just crushing a bag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I remember, this is my problem with anything. As a larger gentleman, I'm sure you can attest to this. Sure. I get into it with my wife of like, well, you know, let's say I'm making eggs. Okay. And there's four eggs. Right. A typical meal for me would be three eggs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But I'm not going to put one egg back in the thing. That's just jamming up to work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The fourth egg. Same thing with the raviolis. Let's say there's ten raviolis. I'm going to have six. There's not a full dose for me tomorrow. I might as well, you know. Because then I'm going to go into the freezer the next day. 10 raviolis is crazy. I didn't have the salad. You heard me. I'm going to go in the next day and four isn't going to scratch the itch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So then it's four and a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch or something. And then that's not a meal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'll give you that. But I respect the marriage of them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That was never my. Just dump the whole bag in there. Pre-made pasta with stuff in it might as well have been like the richest thing to buy to me as a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. It was like breaking case of emergency type thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Never have one read. Ever drive your car really fast to drive it off after going through a car wash? That's just fun. Because you do see it start running back. It's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know. What's the difference between a good room and a. In Foleyville. Quick pit stop in Foleyville.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You had it up. All right. Let me see. The pasta brand? Yeah. Oh, should it go to the pasta brand? Rano?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is that Emeril on there? No. Man, I saw Emeril. He's old. I love it. I mean, Emeril live. Bam.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, he looks old. He's an old guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see. This one's $10. Haggis Hoagie. Never have one read. Are you garbage if you get your little brother to phone up your work to say your dad's fallen from a roof to get out of a drug test? This guy's definitely from the UK or something. Never have them phone up work. Hello? Me pa fell off the roof. Wait, you have your little brother do it? Yeah, hey, is Jimmy there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's an emergency. Dad fell off the roof.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The way the house is set up. So when he's in high school, he can have broads over. The way the house is set up, you go up the stairs and all four doors come off that. There's no down the hall. Does he have a window?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like, you're there. They find out they're doing drug tests. You text your brother, get me the fuck out of here. Only thing out of that is family or medical emergency. Fake your appendix being burst, but then they got to see that through. They got to go in and go poking around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, I'm good. Paint your face yellow or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Dan Ryan. No kidding. Mm-hmm. Thought it was gas for a while. He was, like, a couple hours away from... Bursting? If it burst, you're dead, right? I think it had burst, but, like, if you don't get that soon enough, the bile, whatever, I don't know. I'm not a doctor here, but... That was always trashy. Appendix. Yeah. His appendix ruptured. Yeah, that was always, like, that's, like, the scary one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Maybe you do. No, I think they pass. Or they'll give you stuff to break them down until they can pass. Fuck that. I got a little wiener. Yeah, so it's out quicker. Bing! There you go. Everything's coming up big, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think all the holes are about the same. I don't think so. I don't think the length has anything to do with the hole. Sure it does. I would assume, are all your, you spelled urethra wrong. Let me get an eyes on this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That guy's hung like a horse. Jesus. And that diagram, that ain't real. That's not their scale, is it? He must be hard or something, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What is it? Just Google it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Mine's two. I don't think that the length of your wiener has anything to do with the size of the spout or the motion of the ocean. You've got plenty of work done still. You could do oral, too. All right. Let's see here. This is from Tim. First time, long time. Is it garbage to slide down the handrail when walking down steps?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Looks cool when you get it right, but if you don't, it's Bozo City. I've never... I don't know. I've never had the body to be like, I'm going to be that guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I mean, if you're an adult doing that, that's... Yeah, that's crazy. Get your urethra taken away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's pretty good. I remember being like, I went into my mouth. You do not. He didn't care if he fell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Also, like, go sneak out. Go. I don't care. Take the car. As a baby? Just fill it up. Fill up the gas tank. I don't care. As a baby, you shouldn't be driving. What do you want from me? Kids these days, you know?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Sleeping on the landing. I used to sleep on a landing all the time. So did my dog, Rusty. Really?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I remember being at my grandfather's house. Now, I don't really remember, I mean, they have so many cousins. They have so many grandkids that, like, so many people have, like, a relationship with their grandparents where it's, like, one of three or whatever, five. Right. At this point, I mean, I was born. Barely knew them. There was dudes that were, like, 40. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right. Just because that's big. I had to do some spackle. This is, like, also a very garbage thing that I've realized. Man, I was cursing the previous owner of this house. Got a lemon. Duh. Just like he tried to do work himself, it looks like. Like I would do it. You know what I mean? In this room. Not good. Just like the train. I think he did the windows himself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like, I remember one time I was staying with them, and the house was, they lived in South Jersey, and, like, that was also, too, that blew my mind. They lived down the shore but not on, they lived, like, inland. You know how I feel about that. They're like, we're going down the shore. And I wanted to be like, there's trees everywhere, lady. This is not down the frigate. It's Egg Harbor shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Deep cut. EHD. I remember being like, what? I was close with them and everything, but not to the level I see my mom has with my nieces and nephews, where you're like, oh, that's fucking, you know. There's fucking 25 of us running around. He calls you Denise's son. No, they were awesome. But I remember one point he was like, he had food out on the table for dinner for him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And he was making, I don't know what it was. I was at his house and he had leftovers. It was like, It might as well have been from another planet to a six-year-old me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Somebody's like, don't go eat. Like, as a joke, he's like, don't go eating my dinner. I wanted to be like, buddy, your secret's safe with me. Were you guys staying for dinner? I don't even want to be in the kitchen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was just there. I don't remember the day. I was six. I was just there. I don't know if they were watching me or if we were just staying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm up there batting at it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I remember sweating in that office. They had like a convertible couch. One of those like 80s convertible couches.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It was probably new then. Yeah, it was new. And I remember they wouldn't cut the air on for fucking nothing. Goddamn company. It'd be August and you're inland. It'd be fucking no breeze at all. Nothing but you and the Skeeters. Are you looking at the pine barrels?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Just wanting something, dude. Just being like, I got to physically change how I feel. There's no way I'm sleeping. I used to think that at six, seven years old. No way. Man, I was always looking for snakes in this backyard, too. We're a lot of brush. Pine needles and brush. No way. Uh-uh. A weird set of kids down there that I had to, like, see. Who are you? Oh, I hated that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
There was sand in the lawn. You're like, what the fuck is going on here? I didn't like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Them things are lumpy as a mofo. Yeah, you know. Put them in himself? I don't know. It's a lot of. You got to sand all that shit down. Thanks, guy. What do you think? Listen, you're talking to the king of the burbs. I know, okay? I know this. I'll come down and help you. Listen, these delusions of grandeur you have about being handy. Although a lot of people, I did not expect it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know, but you fucking left me, you fucking dumb bro. Listen, I loved you and all, but I gotta make ends meet here. I didn't know if you were coming back or not. It's adapt or die out of here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, my mom knew better not to. She'd be like, listen, he ain't going to eat whatever. And it's just not worth it to fight with him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Wow, I didn't like getting a green end on a fry either. I knew it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'll still eat around it now, unless I'm drunk. Sure. All right, let's see here. This one, we should have done this one earlier on in the dining etiquette. This one, obviously, we're against. This is from James. $10 equity partner here. Never had one read. Ever have an uncle or other family member absolutely dress down a waiter beyond comfort? Oh, my God. Brutal. During a nice dinner at Gibson's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Find out what Gibson's is. I know a Gibson's. Is that a steakhouse? I think so.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Click on it. Let me get a menu on that. Oh, there's three of them. Yeah, one at Rosemont. When are we going back to Chicago? We're just in Chicago in September. Ah, shit. That's right. Breaking my stones. Jumbo lump crab cake out the door. 26 bucks. How you doing? There you go. All right. Nice joint. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
During a nice family dinner at Gibson's, my Uncle Frank destroyed a waiter during his first week for a few different service issues. The service issues weren't great, particularly for a joint like Gibson's, but dressing down lasted entirely too long and drew far too much attention. I would fucking...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's also like that happens. Like, listen, it's performance. You get a bad shit happens. You know, as long as it's not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The guy that's not paying the check. Right. Good point. Yeah. His brother's got a cash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
My brother doesn't work fucking 80 hours a week for him to come here and spill the water on me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know what a waiter would have to do. For me to dress them down, like, I mean, I've been spilled on, spit at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I don't know, like, what they could do to where I would get mad enough or, like, I feel strong enough that I would have to do that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
commented on the picture I posted. I didn't realize I was barefoot on a ladder. Someone was like, dude, you're barefoot? I was like, you're barefoot on a ladder? You have plump calves, too. I got, yeah, heavy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Well, you're teaching. I don't want to be that guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You know what I mean? Like, man, this is thoroughly embarrassing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it's a tough look. Don't ever, yeah, no dressing. Listen, you went out, you rolled the dice, it didn't happen. Take it and move on. You can't break the guy's fucking stones for it. Yeah, I mean? Yeah. All right, let's see here. This one's from Foley CPAP.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is it garbage that my vacations as a teenager was taking a 12-hour bus ride by myself to my sister's where I would work for her boyfriend's company moving oil rigs for two weeks and then take the bus back home? My first day, the lead hand asked me, ever meet a crackhead? Well, this is Dingwall, and he'll be training you today. I mean, that's a tough. I thought lacrosse camp was bad. Yikes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I didn't get to have my bagel and my pancakes. I mean, listen, that's a tough. Kid's probably a worker now. Worker. Probably a great life lesson. I don't know very many people that were taking 12 hours. I've never taken a fucking 12-hour bus ride by myself. That's on a vacation, by the way, just so you know. It sounds like child labor, which I'm okay with. How old did he say he was? He did?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, he just said as a kid. I mean, you got to be 16. You got to be, you know, mid-high school to late high school. During the summer, I would assume. Man. Jesus.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He's got to kick up to the sister. Finders fee for finding 10% to her. The buddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Put his neck out for you. The first 500 goes back to him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. I was... Yeah, mine was very, like, you know, I started working young, but it was very, like, if you made 100 bucks that week, like, if that was your check from the grocery store, from the restaurant or whatever... It was like, that's just... I then don't have to go to her for like, oh, we're going to the movies or we're going to the mall. Because that's when... Where's your money?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's when 20 bucks started not being kind of enough. I hit that age. Like that inflation or that time period where it was like... I remember when it was like five bucks and you're like, I'm out for the day. I could get so-and-so a slice of pizza.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I know. But that slowly started being like, the fuck am I going to do? You know, like we're going to the mall. Slice of pizza at the mall or like the food court was costing you 13 bucks. Sbarro, six bucks. Yeah, out the door. Jamming me up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I love a Sbarro. It's well documented.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I never knew it was a chain.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No. Well, the only one was in the Oxford Valley Mall. You didn't go to another mall and see another Sparrow? The Chamonix Mall was something else. It was like Two Brothers or something. La Familia.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Tomahawk kippy? So this happened. So I got a picture here I want to show you. Show me. As you know, we're getting the house ready to the house and the burbs ready. But this is it. This is this is in the house. It's one of those things that. You never know. Like things start breaking a little bit, not breaking, but like there's an issue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Not whatever, but it was something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Jimmy No-Nose Pizza. So the only Sbarro's I ever had was, are you looking up the Chamonix Mall pizza places?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
For the listener, we can see the screen now, which is bad. Luke should have turned the television off. This is what you do? Just see what's up. He's got to stay on top of it. We need information. Now, check out. Hold on. Let's do a little something fun. You're right where. Zoom in on that. Click on that map. All right. Now, go. Old Lincoln Highway. Hold on. Give me a sec here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Where's the Oxford Valley Mall? Home Improvement. Oh, that's in Chamonix Mall. Pull out. Now pull. Check it. Look for the Oakford Inn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, just Google it. The Oakford Inn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think it's called Scruples now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right. I stand corrected. I guess it's closed down. I grew up. It was the Oakford Inn. And then that was the first place where I had to ask my mom what that place is and why it didn't have any windows. And why my dad's car is in front of it. But that was the joint where like people would go, you know, ladies that we grew up with would end up there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Shout out to you. Shannon James. Miss May. 2006? Luke, what are you doing? Get out of there. Hachi Machi, you can't be putting that up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, she's a good friend. I knew her as a junior high. Shout out to her. I think Flip dated her at an early age. And I think a good looking kid famously broke up with her at Valentine's Day. So we didn't have to buy her anything in like eighth grade. Sucker. I should have stuck that out. Talk about a loser. Talk about selling Bitcoin early. I got the fucking guy got shorted in the market.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right. This one's from Real Housewives of Bluebell. When was the last time you were on a trampoline? I'm probably two years. Within two years, I've been on there. Really? Yeah, my sister has one for her kids. And you got up there. Yeah, you get on there and wrestle with the kids. I got two, three bounces, and then I'm out. I'm not fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Should get you on one now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Is that funny? We had one that my stepdad found. That's never good. No, it was so bad. It was a gymnast one. Someone had left in like a barn that his buddy bought. His buddy bought a property, some sort of farming property or something like that. And this was left in there. And it was right when trampolines hit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We have we have a piece of furniture in the hallway in New York. And. It started slipping. That's weird. That drawer doesn't close. You know, whatever. We got to get on that. You have a credenza in the hallway? No, it's just like a chest of drawers. Okay. Whatever. I don't know what they're called. Like a tall, narrow thing of drawers. That's not a chest of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And our neighbors got the cool, nice one with the blue wraparound cover for the springs. Right. And ours was a rectangle. It was a big hammock. Yeah, it was a big rectangle with like... Remember they had the short strings? The short springs? These were like a foot and a half long. That's dangerous. And people would come over and kids would be like, what the hell is this thing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I mean, this thing would fucking launch you, dude. This thing was... It was like medical grade trampoline. It's for the Olympics. Yeah, it was that kind of thing. And man... Practice at the X Games. So many people got... My neighbor cracked her head wide. This is still the 90s. So you go, you're right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Brutal. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Melly Mel. $10, homie. Is it garbage if your dad... I just don't even understand this. Is it garbage if your dad owns 21 tractors? I guess tractor. Yeah, he keeps four covered in a tarp in the driveway and will take parts for them to make the others work. There's only like five that actually work at any one point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Every time he sees one for sale, he can't help himself but buy it. My boyfriend asked him if he had one he could use to cut his grass, and he wouldn't even give him one. This guy's fucking screwballs. He likes his tractors. I know, but let your fucking son-in-law use one. Then he fucks it up. He's using them as parts. I know, but listen. You got 21 tractors.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That'll give you. Right. Go start. Do something for me. You know what I mean? Exactly. All right, but we got to wrap it up, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
My father was Chester drawers. It's chest of drawers. Is that true? Chest of drawers, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't understand how that doesn't sound right to you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
A chest of drawers, yeah. Like a wooden, like a treasure chest. That's a chest, and this is a chest of drawers. Okay. You have one of those in your hallway? You're getting bogged down on the, yeah, tall skinny one we have in the hallway. What's in there? toiletry stuff, bathroom stuff. Okay. Because we don't have like a medicine cabinet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
There's no like, I got some, you know, dish, not dish, like hand towels or whatever in there. And my toiletry, my hair product, my tweezers, my beard trimmer, her makeup. It just sounds a little trashy. You got to fucking. Well, wait till you see the picture. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It's not trashy. It's a New York, it's a one bedroom New York apartment. That's what we got.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
There's nowhere else to put it. So there's like a little cubby in the hallway where we put this thing. But the bottom drawer had like not closed properly. I know what you're talking about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I genuinely forget where we got it. It came assembled? I don't remember. Right. I don't remember. I swear to God, I don't remember. Let's see this thing. We might have had one of the handy guys put it together or something. But this is what it looks like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's insane. I'm well aware. That's why I took a picture of it so you could shit on it. So it was like that? For a day or two. To the point where I turned the corner and was like, this is insane. How did it fall apart? I mean, they're not even closing. Dude, look at the bottom. The one, two, the third one, it's like going in like that. You see the bottom one under the one that's hanging?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, you really undersold that. That thing's a mess. That's broken. For sure, dude. For sure. What is that, a sleeping bag in there? They were like bath towels. Why are they all ripped out like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The feds tossed the place. Uh-huh. No, so this is what happened. This all escalated within about 48 hours. Right? So the bottom one wasn't closing. I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm looking, and then... Otherwise, the rest of them were normal. Everything was lined up. 48 hours ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear to God. Building 7 didn't fall on its own. I mean, that's insane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Steel doesn't burn, dude. So, listen. So, the bottom one, we took the drawers out to clean. And I guess when I was taking the bottom one out, I roughly shmoozed it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're fucked, man. So, you know how, like, this stuff, it's like that shitty particle board that gets popped in with the little wooden pellets? On the bottom, it's the worst. And that popped out. You're done. Right? So the bottom one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I know, dude. They fell like in the fucking Tower of Pisa, dude. This thing. So the bottom one, I'm going, what the fuck? And it would drop. It wouldn't stay on the tracks. It would drop to the bottom. So I go, ah, I got to look at that. But it's always like I'm running out. I'm like, I got to look at it. I'll look at it this weekend. And then, dude, that was like Tuesday.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And then by fucking Thursday, I turned the corner and I went, babe, we look like crackhead. We look like we're squatters. We have to get like this is. So the second one from the bottom went, then they were all being propped up. It was a puppet regime. Dude, that's terrible. That's horrible, right? I was like, we have to get rid of this. Because then we were going to wait for a new one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But I'm like, no. Someone can't come over and see this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It looks like I found it in a dumpster.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They weren't stuffed. That's what you're not getting. That's stuffed. That's not folded nicely. Because it doesn't close, so they've ripped up. You've got too many in there. Listen, hold on, guy. You're getting bogged down on the wrong details. That's trying to push it closed. The other drawer doesn't let it close. There was only 2,000 there, and it would slide in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But since the other drawer, as you see, is impeding the closure of it, because that's down at a 45-degree angle pointing down. That's like a tooth going in there. Yikes. That's tough, right? No, it looks good. I mean, it's since been replaced, but that's how we were living for – and listen, I'm not defending myself here. This is indefensible. But that was – the bottom one went.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was like, I'll take a look at it. Maybe I can hit it with the drill and tighten it back up. And then they all just fell like dominoes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Mine ain't. We had to get new towels, too. Things were tough.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No. You're getting too bogged down on the placement of the towel. That's not how we keep the towel. That is how you keep the towels. No, that's me trying to close the drawer, the drawer above it, not letting it close and pushing the towels out. That's not how the towels are kept. Okay. Listen, you're upset about the towels out of this whole thing? That's crazy. And the other empty room behind it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You just can't see the bed. Okay. What a magic happen. That's actually outside on a park bench. I like a voyeur.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's jammed the fuck up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, baby. April 14th, we're going to be at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then April 16th, we're going to be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Tickets are going fast. The first show sold out. Second show's now high demand. Get the tickets. We'll see you there. See you there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I kept my toiletries there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's what's in the third drawer. It's where we keep the utensils.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Tim the Tool Man Taylor out here. Woo! Yeah, King of the Bird. Shout out to you. Thanks, everybody, for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available now on Spotify. Apparently, those numbers are cooking over there. They're all right over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, it's not like that. It doesn't have the nuke codes. That's not the briefcase. Dude, his parents would have scrapped that thing and sold it for the stainless. Got whatever they could get for stainless out of it. Something like that's got $2 million in cash in it. Sure. That's handcuffed to someone's hand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, that's like 30-minute spackle now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I just said it was painted. What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hey, guy who cleared us on how to spackle. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Am I having a stroke here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What color would the walls be?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And it burns sesame. Very nice. Very nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He don't need more than that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yes, Open Phone is the number one business phone system that streamlines and scales your customer communications. It works through an app on your phone or your computer, so no more carrying around two phones like a bozo, which I was doing up until Open Phone, but I am streamlined. Your team can share one number, collaborate on customer calls like text in a shared inbox, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Trashy Christmas Special w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, if I heard this playing as I was going under, I'd be like, ah! Hey, everybody out there!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Tooties, fucking focus! Hey there, bozos. Let's talk about the good folks over there at Harry's Razors. Everyone in the comedy world knows not every joke delivers, but let me tell you, Harry's always delivers. They send the best quality razors right to your door for a fraction of the price of those big brand bozos. They have better-designed shaving products at a better price, and it's no joke.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's Harry's, baby. And right now, you can get a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com. They were nice enough to send the boys over here, the Garbage Boys, a couple of two-tree-free products. And let me tell you, the boys were fighting over them. I use it to trim out the bottom of my beard ski. It's fantastic. They have German-engineered blades made in their own factory to stay sharper longer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
They have customizable delivery options for scheduled refills for as low as $2, half of what you pay for the other big brands. You get a five-blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover for just $3. That's insane. At harrys.com slash A-Y-G. Get the shaving products that always deliver. Get Harry's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Normally, their trial set sells for $13, but like I said, right now, you can get it for just $3. Oh, that's insane. At harrys.com. That's our exclusive link, harrys.com. For a $3 trial set, do it. Let's talk about Sol, baby. Sol is a wellness brand that believes feeling good should be fun and easy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Sol specializes in delicious hemp-derived THC and CBD products designed to boost your mood and help you unwind. Their best-selling out-of-office gummies, which everybody knows about, were designed to provide a mild, relaxing buzz, boost your mood, and enhance creativity and relaxing. A lot of people like going out but don't always want to drink.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
They don't always want to get all sauced up and have the hangover. That's why a lot of people have been reaching for Sol's out-of-office gummies instead. They're the perfect little lift to keep the good vibes going and give you that light social buzz without the hangover. They send boxes here, and I mean, I think it's insane that our whole office is currently out of the office, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
The boys are loving every minute of these. Bring on the good vibes and treat yourself to soul today. Right now, soul's offering our audience 30% off your entire order. That's a lot of turkey. Go to getsoul.com. Use the code garbage. That's getsoul.com. Promo code garbage for 30% off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I'm curious as to what do you want to get out in front of this thing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
If I get a shit that bad, and it's like. The older you get. If it's going to affect everyone there, I'd pivot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, gang. Check that out. Those numbers are cooking. Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You got to keep the goddamn lights on over here. Yes, sir.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I'm just shitting. That happened to me. I woke up, went home with a nice lady from a bar, a bit of a bruiser at the time. This is like, I'm a bigger guy at the time, drinking rum and Cokes all night.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Me and her probably split cheese fries on the way home or something. Hot tea. Did you shit there? Did I shit there? I woke up, like, woke up hitting it, right? And you're like, fuck, it's like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
six o'clock in the morning or whatever I go I'm not making it down the out of the hall down the stairs to the street I'm like this is this is killer be killed and the bathroom I'm like oh where's the bathroom she's like right the next door next to the share a share a wall I get in there dude and it's like as bad as you can imagine I have to turn the shower on
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And she's like, are you okay in there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, that's pretty wild, though. Go in, take turns taking dumps.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, and it wasn't even like she didn't do the lady thing. I'm like, oh, my God. She was just like, my bad. These grits are good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Your relationship. Now, obviously, we're friends, we're acquaintances, we're peers. Yeah. You know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Is that okay now? He's there? Were we popped by the house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
These are dangerous questions. Are those the shorts you were wearing? Unfortunately, they are. That's fucking disgusting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Everybody says that in theory. You've never been on the business end of it. That's true. It's tough, buddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And you had that. The best is you just playing it off nonchalantly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I made him go see it. I asked him. I encouraged him to go see a therapist. I wasn't really doing much after six months. I encouraged him to see a psychiatrist. That guy gives him fucking everything but roller skates. And now the pills are making him fucking crazy here. I can't get a read on it, dude. I'm at my wit's end. What is it called?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
He's been throwing that in everyone's face. Now, anytime there's an issue, he goes, this is actually just a symptom. We got a flat tire. This is a symptom of a bigger problem. Shut the fuck up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
All right. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. We had some of the guys, as you know, when you join Patreon, you get to answer your garbage question on air. Being that he's Tommy Buns, a little bit of king of stories. Of course. Story man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
We asked for some shorter stories, garbage stories from people. Okay. And you can weigh in on those. This is from Justin. When I was about six, I swore at my parents. My dad drove me to an empty industrial area and pointed at a fenced-in section and said, this was the cage for the swear house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
He told me I had an older brother, Dustin, at one time, and they traded him to the swear house because he cursed too much, and they would do the same to me if I kept swearing. That's fucking bonkers, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's tough. Do you have some kids that are, you know, you've probably said they're a bit of rabble rousers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My wife's having a thing with you on the Tonight Show going over the tent. Destroying the construction site. Yeah, she's like, is this a joke? I'm like, no, that is for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Do you have any kind of empty threat or have you had any sort of empty threats like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Because it seems like you're talking to two dudes when you tell the story.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It can be. Yeah. Listen, I saw. I clocked that to second. You did?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Did your dad yell? Your dad was a calm, it seemed to be a stern, but calmer man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And I was like, no way am I bringing that up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
What time are school pictures, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I've seen it, too, because I come from a very yelly family, and my brother yells a lot. And then my nephew's now at the age where he'll yell, and my nephew will just roll his eyes. I'll be like, yeah, you've lost all of its power. You can't yell all day every day, and it'd be the worst thing ever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I apologize for his transgression. It's super trashy, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, that's pretty good. We're not topping that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
All right, let's see. This one's from Alex. Long time $10 cover undercover brother here. My mom, who works for Comcast and had four boys, would drive us around the neighborhood and have us shout out addresses that had dish satellites. She would then write down the addresses, take them to work, find their phone number, and go sell them cable.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Damn, she did a fantastic job of making it a game when years later I found out that we could afford daycare. She used that opportunity for us to make more money for us. That's a fucking single mom. Yeah, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's a woman making it fucking work. Go around spotting satellites.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
that's like a, that's like a big old, I mean, I'm sure in other cities too, but in Philly, they would always talk about it. If you called a roofer, they would go up on the roof. Cause they're all like, all the row homes are connected. They'd go like three roofs over and just drill holes. And then they'd be like, Oh, your roof's leak. And then after the rain, they'd go and knock.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Hey, I know people are, have leaky roofs. We just drew, you know, I did your neighbors.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I mean, we used to do that. I sold door-to-door home improvements. And we'd go, and if we were doing a job on Mockingbird Lane, we'd go walk around the neighborhood. Hey, we're doing a job on your neighbor's house. We can give you a free estimate. And I mean...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
no but i mean you are you will walk onto someone's property it's like you're hated they scream at you get out of here really we're calling the cops and i just didn't give a fucking that would happen all the time oh yeah the cops would come kick you out of the neighborhood you have to have canvassing passes in most places oh you have to like file for a permit that's in philly though that was yeah in the tri-state area yeah wow so you can't just that's soliciting soliciting yeah you don't have anybody knocking on your door right
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Do you have a stylist? You're who I want to be. I look at you and I go. You are not. Trust me, I know. But I go, you went bald quite well. You got the good facial hair. You trimmed up. That's what I'm trying to do. Dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Only thing that happens in the city is you get the electric guys where we're pushing hard. They come once they deregulated the electric. It didn't have to be through Con Ed. All they would just send criminals to your door. Yeah. And like not dressed, no badges, no nothing. And they'd get in and they'd say, hey, let me see your power bill. I'm here for the electric company to see your power bill.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And you're like, who the fuck? You're literally just a guy I saw on the subway five minutes ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It would not be rude enough to smoke in someone else's house. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Real quick, gang, let's talk about one of my all-time favorites, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings faster. Before they were a sponsor, it was the only way I've been able to save money. Otherwise, I blow it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I'm bad with money, and Rocket Money has 100% helped me and is the only reason I've been able to squirrel away a couple of bucks. It's a great place. You get to see all your subscriptions in one place once you set it all up, and you know exactly where your money's going. They send you a weekly thing. Hey, get ready. This thing of charges is coming up. You got this coming, this coming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And it puts all your subscriptions in one place where you're able to go, oh, I'm still paying for that. Get that out of here. I'm still paying for that. Get that out of here. It's fantastic. I was signed up to some Eastern European boxing stream that I signed up one time drunk. And bada bing, bada boom, they were able to cancel it for me. A few clicks and a button.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. You can cancel all your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download Rocket Money app and enter our show name, RUGarbage, in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Download the Rocket Money app today. And let them know the boy sent you from RU Garbage. Do it. Now back to the show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Ah, goddamn. I was telling them I got a call from the town of the house that I live in from the police department.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Set it on the caller ID. It said police department, local number. I answer it, and I'm like, I had a leak, so I had people working there. I'm like, the fucking house burnt to something, or they got in a fight, something, or someone broke in, or something. I answer, and it's an Indian guy. And I'm like, he's like, yeah, affidavit. He's dropping legal jargon on me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And he's like, do you know anybody in California? I'm like, yeah, what is this thing to? I got a couple people in Hollywood. Netflix won't return my call. I'm a mover and shaker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, he's like dropping, he's like affidavit and post office and he's trying to credit. And I'm like, what the fuck? Can I talk to a police officer? Now I'm like, this is bullshit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I'm like, can I talk to a police officer? And he's like, yeah, one second. He transferred me to another Indian guy. And I'm like, all right. That's a good hustle, dude. All right. I'm like, dude, the Indian call center should just get, even if it's a Russian guy or someone to fake an English and American accent.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Just fake it a little bit. And I'd go, oh, you're clearly a cop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I would have been like, dude, yeah, what the fuck do you need? My social? We were all tense in the car. We knew what was going on. We were tense in the car. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Well, I'm also to the point where I remember we were talking about we were trying to take a loan out for the van. We got the van. Got the van. Fuck yeah. I remember we were talking about the van.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yes. Who listened to the show and I got a text. He's like, can you stop trashing me? Love you, big guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
He was fine with it. Yeah, he was fine with it. He was just like, well, you know, it's whatever. It's fine. I'm a grown man. I can do what I want. Yes. He thinks we're idiots. Yeah, he thinks. I mean, none of his other superstar clients are like, I want a conversion van. They're like buying jets and stuff. I'm getting denied loans for a conversion.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
He calls me like we're getting paid by the government. He'll be like, you get your payment yet, dude? I haven't gotten mine yet. I'm like, dude, I don't know when it comes. Is it the 1st?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And he was saying something like, yeah, well, the payment came in today. He's like, what? What are you fucking kidding me, dude? He thought we were robbing him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
How'd that go? Did it get settled pretty quickly? Yeah, it's just a text. Hey, I didn't get it or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
But my credit's so bad that it's building back up. I'm at, like, 700. I fluctuate between, like, high sixes, low seven. I can't really break 705. That's my ceiling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's not horrible, but he's like, you get better rates or whatever. Like, we got to improve this. You know what I mean? So he goes, trust me, I got a guy. This guy can do anything.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Well, I got to be honest. When we started this, we didn't have a credit card. I got my first credit card while this show was happening with a $200 credit limit. For real? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Unless you were wearing plastic underwear, which I do not think you wear.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Certain agencies started looking, snooping around for funds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
He says I got to get another guy for that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I took it all out before the market crashed. Nice. I like cash on hand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
They say, what was it, Luke? Luke's our rich guy. He grew up with money. He's Connecticut. I bought Bitcoin once. So he's our financial advisor, which I don't think. But what they say, 90-10 should be crypto. If you're heavy into crypto, you should still be only about 10% of the portfolio. Mine, 100%. 100%. I'm all crypto all the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's that comfortable. It's like executive level...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Better than Sprinter. The nicest Sprinter you could get, that's how nice it is on the inside.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, we drove out to Pittsburgh. We could have flown. I was just like, fuck it, let's just see what a seven-hour drive is. And it's great. You're hanging, you're all together, you're laughing. It's a good time. Nice. I'm all bust. Seatbelt's a little tight in the front. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. That was about a 15 minute. I get that I'm bigger, but this seatbelt is short.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
We're not doing mods to the $100,000 fucking van. I think you should. Get a seatbelt extender on there. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Also, I have an update for the van. In very AYG Bozo fashion, we buy the van. Well, not cash. I took out a loan, right? Making the monthly payments. We get it, and it's got leaks all in it. It's got five leaks. I didn't know they cut the top of that. They take a work van, cut the top off of it, and then retrofit the van. I didn't know that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Either did I. Now it's because it's sunroof and all windows at the top. So that leaked. So we had it for a day, and it was fucking, we had just like a monsoon. It was leaking every fucking which way. So did the place take care of it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's unbelievable. We just can't win, man. We're just born losers. Which I'm all right with. You've got to lean into it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. We were just talking. We pinched ourselves. Very grateful. We get to make whatever we want content-wise and put it out, and people like it. They love it. It's a good time. It's all right. Not too bad. All right, let's switch back to the old Patreon here. This is from Jack.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Went down to Paradise Grill in Delaware, can't be good, and convinced this bachelorette party that me and my two boys were all college hockey all-stars. He spelled college wrong. We were 18- Do you have a D in it? No, C-O-L-L-A-G-E. Oh, collage. Yeah, collage hockey all-stars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
We were 18 and my buddy was about to take this 40 year old home until his mom showed up and told the whole bachelorette party that we were seniors in high school. Oh, my God. That's a fuck. Talk about a cock block. That's that is a thing when you are that age. Because I remember we must have been like 19 and we went to Myrtle Beach.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's like a big- We used to work with him as well. Oh, you did?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And we went and it was our spring break and it was off. It was different than everybody else's spring break. So there was no college kids down there. And we were at the hotel bar hanging out with like four girls who were like 42 years old. And we were all like, this could be the coolest night of our lives. Yeah. These old fucking sun-kissed cougars, you know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's crazy. Would you be upset if it was in one of the guest rooms?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I'd pay to watch. Yeah, I really would. Just from a physics standpoint.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Don't you want to watch other people fuck?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah. Yeah. Me? Not you, Pertnell. Luke and Tom, I wouldn't mind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I'm shocked that my wife has ever let me have sex with her. It's crazy. She's an attractive woman, and it's like, it's brutal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah. She let me impregnate her, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
How much would you pay him to see? Would you be like, I'll give you $10,000? Listen, you could probably get him for about $8,000, $8,500. Just tell him it's the payment. I'll withhold the payment.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah. That's kind of weird. I know your wife, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Because you have a good amount, so it's really got to move the needle. You know what I mean? You're not doing it for like 50 grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
All right, let's see here. Got naughty there for a second. AYG after dark. This is from Cleveland Depression. So a decade ago, we got my grandparents' ancestry test. Never fucking do that. Have these run down your family at all? All right, hold on. My grandpa took it, and we were shocked to see... Where he was from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
My stepdad does his, and the results come back, not match at all anybody in the family. In fact, my stepdad matched the guy who was my grandpa's best friend. Now that we've discovered this, he's been lying to everyone in town, and we're shunned from the whole family, from all family gatherings for three years now. Listen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's let sleeping dogs lie. Why are we looking back at what happened in fucking 1950? Wait, so what did they exactly find out?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, the grandfather was actually a product of the grandfather's best friend. No, I'm sorry, my stepdad was the son of his grandfather's best friend. But she was sleeping with... Yeah, his grandmother was sleeping with... The best friend.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
So why would he get shunned? He was... It just threw off the family dynamics. Yeah, it's like everything's changed. No one's who you think they are anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
No, they don't need your DNA. They need anyone in your family. Anyone who has your DNA. That's how they got, what?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It was like his nephew's kid or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
BlackRock's buying it or something. Well, one of them just filed for bankruptcy or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's like BlackRock owns all the land and the blood now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's pretty crazy. Blackstone bought Ancestry.com. Ancestry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
yeah that's why we did it one time we're like so die hard irish philly trash bags that like we did it and it came back like four percent french canadian or something and my uncle was like no fucking way not no that's a fucking bullshit test like all right man relax it's not that serious you can't get mad at your fucking dna you haven't met my family
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Well, you carry yourself with the vibe sometimes of a guy who's over it. Like you're 55.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Don't you ever accuse me of that again, Tom. That's bullshit. I invite you here. I think we're friends. That's who you've been talking to. I don't know. I was just asking. My wife's like, can you stop saying that? Ugh. No, it's fine. I'm a grower. I mean, it's like not even.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, no, when it grows, I was actually the other day, I caught myself in the mirror as I had grown. I was pretty, I had grown up. I was in a Cleveland hotel room by myself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Just give me, I like, it grows like a hundred X. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, love them. I get hard too quick already.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Well, she's European. Wait, where is she from?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Full German? Yeah, her parents are Czech, but she was born and raised in Germany.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
A little bit. I know my vocab's okay. That's about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
No, like if they're family, so I can track a conversation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
But yeah, it's impossible to learn. There's certain words I just can't say. Such an intense language. I mean, we've been together like a decade. I've learned, I don't know, 100 words maybe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
It's pretty good. You're multilingual?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
How many cars do you have now? I think we asked you this on Two Bears, maybe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Did we? I think so. I remember talking about it as of recent.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Send us watches. That's another... Matt knows what's up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
All right, let's see here. We got time for one more. This is just funny. This says, when I was 8 to 10, my great... This is tough to track. When I was 8 to 10, my great-grandpa lived in an old graveyard groundskeeper house after the cemetery switched to a lawn care company. That's a lot in a sentence. But... I guess it's still next to a cemetery.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
My mom would stop by to do drugs with him, and I'd have to wait outside so I'd wander around the graveyard. One time we visited after I watched Casper the Friendly Ghost, so I walked around the graveyard reading headstones and trying to find kids my age to ask them to come play with me because I thought they'd be friendly. Holy shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I saw a group of kids hanging out on the other end of the cemetery who heard me talking. They thought I was a ghost, so they ran away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's the saddest shit. It's so disturbing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
This is so sad. I was a fat kid with a rat tail and cargo sweatpants, so that didn't help either.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
They're all sitting around like, remember that ghost we saw?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That was a fat little dirtbag ghost.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Yeah, he's like, well, he's probably looking for the year he was born. Yeah. Yeah, like, oh, that's, you know, 88. I'm 86. Holy shit. Man, your mom's inside doing drugs with your what was it? Your great grandpa. Dude, that's insane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
So we need right in. We need more story and a picture of this fucking groundskeeper house. If you got it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
That's fucking nuts. But we got to wrap it up, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Guys, the card game available at RUGarbage.com. Get them. They're shipping within a day or two, and they're moving quick. We love yous. See you next week. Peace. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
You look sharp. Not that you know I would disrespect you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
I should. I should. I should have a hall pass to wear this fucking t-shirt.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
You try stuff on? You go in the fitting room?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Now I got a question. Which guy's shit? Do you feel obligated to buy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Because they're used to that, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Like if they had a cool double T, I would – I don't even like using a bathroom at a Starbucks without like fake looking at the menu. Like, oh, you still got the ventis? I'll be right back. I'm going to order. You still have all your sizes?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Speaking of the bathroom. Yes, I wanted to pick your brain on this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Well, let's just say, let's say it's the frequency, it's the relationship that me and him have.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
What happened at the garage? Hey, how are you? You guys have a bathroom?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Let's just say, for whatever reason, you choose not to use the hall bathroom. You want to use the master bathroom. That's insane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
You're at like your in-law. Not you're at your. Brothers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Listen, let's just say we're at Christmas at your house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And he, him being him, he just crushed the turkey dinner or whatever it was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
And he goes up to your master bathroom – Feet away from where you rushed your head at night. I would say, what the fuck are you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Are they loose or are they in a bag?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
You're popping loose hand-to-hand pills like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Listen, don't pay me to be the bad guy. This is crazy. I'm not doing everything to keep you alive.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
But I'm putting this call out to— Shout out to the homies and the bozos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
We can get you off the street for sure. That's fine.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ruining the Party w/ Tom Segura!
Some guy just DM'd me when we were on the road, remember? And he was like, I'm a physician's assistant, and during surgery, me and all the doctors listen to your podcast. I'm like, dude, that's not the doctor you fucking want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
But the... But those Powerball and those Mega Millions, they were like 13 or 11 different states all combined. I'm sure he could have gotten a Mega Millions ticket closer or whatever it was. He probably could have driven to Virginia, but he was like, ah, it's in Florida.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Big man ain't lying. Pretty Litter's non-clumping formula traps odor and moisture. It's ultra-absorbent. It's lightweight, low dust, and one six-pound bag works for months, daddy-o. Lasts you a long time. Indoor cats and indoor humans agree. Pretty Litter helps your house smell fresh and clean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Go to prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy for the big man. That's prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. One more time, prettylitter.com slash garbage. Terms and conditions apply. See you. Cipher details. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscription, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Yeah, the start of the new year is the perfect time to get organized, set goals, and prioritize what matters most. And for a lot of you, that's cash out there. Cash, money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Financial wellness, which feels more important than ever right now. Thanks to RocketMoney.com, your goals are achievable. Guys, I've told you before, I was signed up. I didn't know. I had the confidence of, I know what I'm paying for. I'm on top of my finances. And let me tell you, I was signed up to Boner of the Month Club. Didn't know that. I had him on a subscription.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Had to kick that out of bed. But it's fantastic. You find it, beep, bop, bop, a couple of buttons, and they cancel it for you because they're good frigging people. You get the weekly emails. Hey, more money's coming up. You have a big transaction coming up. Don't forget these transactions are hitting this week. It stays on top of it for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
So you can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals. Rocket Money has saved over 5 million users and has saved over a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions right now and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Go to rocketmoney.com slash garbage today. That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage. rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Do it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
No, this one's on Poly Drum and Shopping Center. That's the nice one. Whoa. 4.3 stars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Wow. Huh. They got private brands? What does that mean? I don't know. That shit you ain't never heard of. Is this their website?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Yeah, they still got a red box. What's a private brand? Damn, they still have a red box.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Fruity Loops. No, Fruity Hoops. Fruity Hoops. Dude, the mac and cheese is called shells and cheese.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Your grandparents in the 90s loved that shit. Why? If my grandfather was coming over, you had to have a 12-pack of that for him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Strange. Strange taste. Maybe you were dreaming. What was the high school mascot? Viking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Because back then, I don't know if it does now, skateboarders and sports did not mix.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
The big man ain't lying. In March, we're starting back up on the road. We're going to Pontiac, Michigan, Indianapolis, Indiana, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio, and Atlantic City. All tickets available at rugarbage.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
But listen, if you're in fucking Delaware and you ain't never seen nothing like that and someone says that's goulash, you run with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
It was Easter Sunday. They all just had a wedding the night before, dude. Holy shit. Wow. That's a first. Hey, I got to give it to you. It kind of makes sense a little bit. You're like, hey, they throw out a good breakfast. They're good at doing breakfast. I just never heard anybody just go into like a hotel. I mean, like children, like a fancy hotel that has a nice restaurant, a fancy hotel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I'm saying I get that. Like, we're going to the the fucking whatever to go, you know. You're not hitting a Hilton for the generic breakfast, I feel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
You probably do. I love it. You like a nice continental breakfast?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
When we're on the road, we have a system. We have a group chat for everybody who's on the road together. There's usually about five of us. Then that won't get texted. Me and Foley wake up about the same time every day, give or take an hour. Nervous kids. We are in the same bed. And we'll fire a private text to each other. I'm going to hit Brecky, see you down there in 10 or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I mean him have breakfast, catch a heater, go down, shut it back down. Slide back into the sheets for a little while.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I don't miss it. If I'm in Columbus, I ain't got nothing better else to do than hit that fucking breakfast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Moroccan oil, I respect that. I know that stuff. That's fancy stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
No. I didn't have the wheels until college. Was it this body style or that body style? The old or the new? Or none of those? That's trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
All right. I assume there had to be some sort of hacky sack phase.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Devil stick, man. That's why that's always one of my best friends.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Not JNCOs. There was another UFOs or something was a big- I remember those. They were big cargoes. They were real baggy cargoes. They were like break dancers. There was a store called Mr. Rags we used to go to. Man, it was like a breakdancer clothing store. We were losers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Where you were, like, you were trying to be a gangster?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Talk about a blast. Dude. There's a specific, you're a little older for this, there's a specific kind of dirt bag that will wear a Johnny Blazor. That kid, I mean, the fact that your parents were together is crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Although he did have dreadlocks at one point, I do believe. You did.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Reptiles. Neanderthals. No, reptiles probably got clean b-holes because they're in and out of the water. They're sprucing you up a little bit. The original tushy. Sure. There you go. Tushy is the modern bidet attachment that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and butt health for life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Tushy bidet easily attaches to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing or electricity. They were nice enough to send them here. I use it. It is fantastic. It is one of those things you feel enlightened. You feel like you were crawling your whole life, and now I'm running, baby. Start doing math problems. It's awesome. It's a good time. It's smart.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Instantly improve your health from the bottom up. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when they use code GARBAGE at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hellotushy.com, promo code GARBAGE. Do it now. Back to the show. Back to the show. Yeah, dude. I mean, listen. You got the money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
When I first met Del Calo, this is what, probably 2010-ish, around then? What year did you move to California? You've had so many lives, dude. 2011. All right, so I probably met you 2010-ish, around that, 2011, 2010. Fucking, was the cool, one of the coolest dudes in the room. Wait, when did you move to California? He had won that, I think the competition you put on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
No, but he took that industry heat and parlayed it into Hollywood. I don't remember this at all.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Oh, man, you used to stink. Not Del Calo Foley for the audio listener.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Wait, but that version of John Del Calo with his leather jacket. Oh, man. Harley Davidson. You had a motorcycle? That thing don't fit anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
That's crazy. You're the first white dude with dreads we've ever had on the show. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
You were super thin, good looking, good head of hair. I was like, this guy is a movie star.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Oh, man. All right. So that was high school was the Johnny Blaze phase?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Then Abercrombie in high school, you said, when you started moving units.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
And you live on campus? Mm-hmm. How far is that from your house? 20-minute drive. I did the same thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Yeah, it's like just fucking, I'm not doing this three days a week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Was there a lot of those? Or just like every couple of years?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
In the dorm or in an apartment? Apartment. That apartment had to stink.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Also, I do want to say, you have... The first podcast episode me and Foley have ever recorded was a podcast we used to do called the Center City Comedy Podcast. And John gave us our first positive piece of feedback we've ever received on that show. He texted me. He goes, I love the show. What submarine did you record it in? You guys have come a long way. That was about 11 years ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
What else falls in besides mayo? Ranch, sour cream. Oh, I stand corrected. Cottage cheese, any of that. Oh, you're the guy who's never had a bowl of cereal. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
At this point you had. I remember he had never had a bowl of cereal up until a couple years ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Hey, don't drag me into this, you fucking weirdo. Wait, what? I am a picky eater, yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Kids livin' the fuck... That's continental breakfast where I go. I know why you like the hotel. Okay. Really? So would you do dry cereal at any point or no?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Thank you. Next time they try to get me, I'll say, Del Calo did it for me. He didn't like it? No way. Put it in a smoothie. Cut to me and you with devil's teeth.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
That's, whoa. So then what led to the milk in college?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. That's a lot. I mean, I'm a picky eater, but... What was the first bowl of cereal?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
The turtles needed something to look at. I'm held all day. Anybody, any black light posters or anything at any point?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
We'll see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
If you're driving that, just you, will you drive with headphones in? No. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I mean, that would start. I'd start chubbing up in those videos. The broads ripping the guy's clothes off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Are there any milk crates in your apartment at the moment?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
He is a stylist. You were ahead of him. He used to show up to an open mic, and I'd be like, who the fuck? I would take pictures and make fun of him. This guy showed up with a fanny pack 11, 12 years ago to an open mic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
That was all GQ. I got to get myself a GQ. Look, get a subscription here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Did she do it? She played ball. Did you knock it out of the park?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
You'll say, hey, I got something. You'll go blow up some steam at the garden? Yeah. Okay. What, um... What is the last place you ordered takeout from?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Wait, go back. Let's see. You got Domino's, Wawa, Honey Grow... I don't know what that is. You got DoorDash, Uber Eats, Grubhub. You got everyone possible. GoPuff. Then you got Slice, Little Caesars, Pizza Hut, Chipotle. I saved three bucks on a pie with that app, all right? Shake Shack, Sheetz. Dude, you don't live within 100 miles of a Sheetz. But when I'm there... I'm ordering ahead of time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
He's got the Chili's. You got the Annie Hits Pretzels app, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Taco Bell, McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Jack in the Box.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I love a Jack in the Box. Chick-fil-A, Arby's, KFC. We got some more. What's that? Some grocery store stuff. Wegmans, Lidl, Acme, Mr. Salty. You got the Mr. Salty app. Papa John's and Applebee's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
You're doing great. Don't let anybody tell you different. Oh, God. That's a lot of... I mean, you're a connoisseur of these type things. We talk about them a lot on the show. Let's say you're at your local mall. Maybe not the... Do the Cherry Hill Mall, whatever. You're at your local mall. You're in your local mall food court. It's about 5 p.m. You're hungry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
You're not the wife's work or whatever. You're just going, like, I'm just you tonight. You're at the mall by yourself for whatever reason.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Just straight up chicken. Just give me the chicken teriyaki and chicken rice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Now, was this more like hippie dreads or like you wanted to be Lil Wayne dreads? But walked in both worlds a little bit. I was still in my G-unit era.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Got my tour of Italy out. You pull up. I got something stuck in my teeth. You have a toothpick? Oh, there's chicken on there? All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Got so many hands in here. Tracking down a Mr. Softee through the Sierra Nevada mountains. Shh, I think I hear him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
There's no way that truck can make that turn. Dead man's elbow or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
What are you cooking at the house, or what are you eating at the house? It's not takeout, like what's that looking like?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I was all off the dome. Off the top, as they say in the streets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
You're nuts. You won't drink milk, but you eat a purple carrot? That is upside down in my brain. That's nuts, dude. You won't eat a purple carrot? I will, but in my head, I would draw the line at it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I've been to those parties. Man, would you stay? I'm not hiding it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I feel I can feel the click. Is there an urgent care near here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
All right. We got to get the backstory of how a guy decides to get dreads. Are you from Delaware?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
He broke the skin! I want to classify that as a fight. Now I gotta get a tetanus shot. What was the last time you were at a renaissance fair? Never. Whoa. Wouldn't have guessed that. Really? Have you had poison ivy in the last 365 days? I don't believe so. Okay. Have you ever cut the sleeves off a hoodie? Not a hoodie, no.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Oh, my God. That's like losing your license. Yeah. Whoa. I don't think I've ever met anybody with an expired passport. Seriously? It's spies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
My dad owned this at one point. His grandfather owned that at one point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Guys, we announced new tour dates. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com or it's a run through the Midwest, Atlantic City. Get your tickets while supplies last. Johnny, we love you, buddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
So you were connected on one side. I don't understand what a single family home is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Not the ones I've stayed in. Their sons don't have dreadlocks. Wait, let's get the actual definition, single family. See if you can get a proper definition of a single family home, domicile. I believe it's standalone. What did your mom do?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I mean, that's just a house, though. Sure, of course. What were the cars? That's a big indicator.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Do you have the definition? Drop the V. Do you have the definition of a single family home?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
He's like, single-family home connected on both sides. And another family lived in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Everybody that I know that's ever lived in Delaware is like, move there to get away from something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Your parents paid for Catholic school for all three years?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I got to say the public school. I don't know. The public school system in Wilmington, Delaware probably ain't great, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Dude, you drop me in any public school right now, I'd fucking. Yeah. I'm getting my ass beat as an adult. Sure. I'm going to act like a cop. He's over at Grover Cleland High School.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
The fact that there's a 10-year gap in kids. At some point, they're like, well, we've got to take John now, and then we have to take Bethany now that she's older and can enjoy it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
First of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And now also full video available on Spotify over there. We got in a creator's program. Not available. Look at that. Not available to all podcasts, but the answer is to do it. A little work release over there. Call that a mistake.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
That's a guy. That's a guy putting it all. Talk about laying it all on the line. I think Plan B was selling you. That's crazy. That's nuts. Do you fly down for a lottery ticket?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
That's pretty good. How come the other kids didn't go?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
That's a level of... He did not win. Fuck! That's a level of trash that's like... Let's go, we're leaving.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
I mean, we used to do it, obviously, like for living outside of Philadelphia, we would go to Jersey. If there was a big jackpot or whatever, you'd buy your tickets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jon DelCollo!
Yeah, but I would have to argue you could have... So the Mega Millions and the Powerball... Why don't you have your grandparents buy him a ticket down there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I had no idea what they were. They shared a pair of pants or something. That, and I got to be honest, Mamma Mia were that. They were all the same thing to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. I didn't like that. That and my big fat Greek. I remember Denise. Denise and Joe. My big fat Greek mother? Watching my big fat Greek wedding and like... Dude, that took over the world. Oh, man. She killed it. I remember my boy, Pat, was like, dude, he was explaining the Windex bit to me. I'm like, dude, I don't care. This is broad shit, all right? Terminator 2. I'm like, what? We're over 14.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Talking about my big, fat Greek wedding. Yeah, but let's talk about Hall of Fame bets. I ain't talking about no running the mill bets. I'm talking about Hall of Fame bets. Let's talk about Hall of Fame bets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You go over there, you get all that bonus content. Then last but not least. What's that? Back on the block tour. The boys are hitting the road in the fall and the winter. Get your tickets now. Low ticket alerts in some of the places. We're not adding second shows, so get them tickies. A lot of big shows. You got back at the Wilbur in Boston.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You need concrete info. Mm-hmm. And the best part is once you've built your parlay, you can send it straight through to your sportsbook app with one clip, no manual entry, no wasted time at all. Seamless, baby. That's what these brainiacs are doing. They're making it easy. The Hall of Fame app syncs automatically with the most major sportsbooks like DraftKings and FanDuel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was on DraftKings last night. I was typing my – I was on HOF. Got my parlay, and I was at the bar or something, passing time. I said, you know, I got a little action. Let's spice it up a bit. Sure. Hall of Fame isn't just parlays. It's built for player props, game lines, totals, and more, giving you the tools you need to break down trends, spot value to hold nine yards for a limited time only.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Our listeners not only get a seven-day free trial, but they also get 50% off their first month when they use the code garbage at checkout. Just download the HOF app on iOS or Android, enter the code garbage, and you're all set. Do it. Kev, let's talk about upside, baby. A little bit of cash back here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Sure. Next, you can claim your offer for whatever you're buying on Upside. Then pay as usual with a credit or debit card. Follow the steps in the app and get paid. Let's go. They got over 100,000 gas stations, grocery stores, and restaurants on the Upside app. That's a lot of frigging places. Ensuring that the cash back is always just around the corner for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You can earn an average of 8% on restaurant and grocery purchases. And the way the big man eats, that's a lot of money. And the best part is you can even stack your upside cash back on top of your credit and debit card rewards. Upside users are earning hundreds of dollars a year. That's probably why they have a 4.8 star rating on the App Store. Check it out. That's proof as in a pudding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Download the free Upside app and use promo code AYG to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas. That's an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas. Using the promo code AYG, obviously. Do it. I like movies like that. I get it, too. It was just the timing. I was like, what are we doing? Eat, Pray, Love. Not my favorite Julia Roberts movie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Obviously, it's fucking, you know. You're more of an eat, eat, eat kind of guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Whatever. It's a movie, right? Where's the fictional program from 15 years ago?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I didn't realize she was such a big whore. Signed, H. Foley. What the hell is this broad's problem? She's over there eating all the blood. Hey, Billy Crudup. She was married to Billy Crudup. You don't walk away from that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uh-huh. Comedy Zone in Charlotte. It's a big club. It's a goddamn kill box. That's a great room. One of our favorites. Coming back to some of our favorite cities, some new cities. You've got Toronto. You've got some bigger theaters. You've got some fun, small clubs. They're a little menagerie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't have a problem with Billy Crudup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't get the hubbub, but sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Was that a lady or a movie? Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Dude, I like blacked out on all that kind of shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Was that a movie? Vicky Cristina Barcelona? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, hey, Eagle, Eagle, Siskel, whatever. 2008 film. 2008, oh, yeah, I was in the throes of alcoholism. I was playing Edward Scissorhands with fucking Hurricane 40s. Watching Temple get beat by Rutgers 400 to nothing. They covered, though. The spread was 450. Blacked out on Filbert Street. I was a 17th and Diamond kind of guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Play with your belly button. All right, this is from Nude Dad Nick. Never had one read. $10 Florida fake classy. Which I got to say, there's something about Florida. I know somebody who moved to Florida, and they weren't the person... They're not the person they were here. Does that make sense?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But, like, they're like Tanner. They're more of like this, like... It's dirtbag fake classy. And I went, I kind of respect it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We live in a society. There's laws against that kind of thing. Can't show that much skin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Skechers or something. No. No slip-ons. We got to keep you in shoes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it's in the bylaws of the company. You have to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
New Dad Nick, yous ever waited for a hailstorm to buy a discounted new car? My notoriously cheap dad bought a new Subaru after a bad Texas hailstorm and got 50% off ticket price for the golf ball edition Outback. When asked about it, he said it looks new on the inside. What do I care about the outside? That's true. That's true cheapskate shit. This thing is bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Looks like it was parked on a driving range for a week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, we never really... We've caught it down there. Yeah, a little bit, but nothing where you're like, you know, taking cover. As a kid, it's funny. You're like, ah. That Texas, they get like softballs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Snow, I get. Oh, do you? You can wrap your head around snow, but not balls?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's already water droplets, so it's already round.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right? I want a pool, jacuzzi. No, that's what we do. I get a little hard feelings. That's Joe. Check out the Patreon. But I get us very nice accommodations when we're out there. We work hard. We deserve to reap the fruits of our labor. And by the way, I'm bad with money, so I'll get a real nice place. Get that same joint we had last time. You had to pull the hot tub.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Okay, I don't know. I was trying to give you an answer so we can move on. We're breaking down fucking snowflake shapes and shit. First of all, every snowflake's unique in that you can wrap your head around that, but you can't wrap your head around it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You fold a piece of paper and you cut them up. You didn't do that at Christmas? I did. I didn't know what you meant. Made the hand turkey? Then a sandwich. Hand turkey soup. Open-faced hand turkey soup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, I never got that. I mean, that might as well have been squid ink pasta. I ain't eating your foot, dude. No way. With the onion toenails? I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's not my cup of tea. I apologize.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I apologize. All right, let's see. This one's from Tootie Sidepiece. $10 degenerate. Is it garbage to rinse your ice so you can switch drinks? For example, I will drink sweet tea, but rinse the ice a couple times and then fill it up with water. I think you just get new ice. I'm not. You mix. I've never seen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, you'll use a cereal bowl then to drink Coke out of. It's crazy. No. Okay. Let's say I have an iced tea. All right. And I finished the iced tea. I have no problem pouring water in there and knocking that back. I'm aware. Yeah. I think the most insane... That's not it. That's whatever. The insane thing is he's rinsing ice. I would just... Throw it out and get new ice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, like a true dirtbag, you eat the ice, chew it loudly on a plane, get some looks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The first Coke and the second Coke are completely different things. Always fresh ice. Always fresh ice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's like drinking global warming. When you were at a pizza party or something, they had the pitchers of Coke. And then they would start off with ice in it, and you'd get the skilled guy who could pour from the side, and you'd get the good ice in there. Remember that? But then you'd go, I'm a heavy boy. Sure. I was a fat kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'd go for my refill, and the ice would be melted and or distributed through all the youngsters. So you're just like warm Pepsi with like one small ice cube floating in it? Yeah, the guy that could pour from the side. I always poured from the side when I was waiting tables. Always. Yeah. When I was bussing tables, I was in charge of the bread and the water, and I got...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
When I first started, I was too young to be working. Too young to be handling bread? I knew my way around the basket of bread. I'll tell you that much. What's this, semolina? I remember. You got your own yeast starters in your room? I remember. It was Santo Palato. This guy was collecting sourdough starters. Hey, guys. You guys want to see something cool? Don't touch it. It's proofing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You find out how much it is, and you bitch all fucking weekend. You throw it in his face. You throw it in my face. Diesel's, you go, how much, bro? These kids are staying at this house for this much money. You turn into my father real quick. Couple of broads out there, too, huh? A couple of dime pieces. Alarm candy. I ain't got them out in Hollywood. We do need a convertible.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hey, buddy, turn the AC on. Holy shit, I never slept over there. Vinny with the skinny had poison dart frogs. What? I swear to God, Vinny with the skinny was screwballs from Jump Street. What cannibal tribe was he from? If he had the frogs, they'd be like neon whatever, and they'd stick to the side of the cliff. They were like the Sobe frog. You know what I mean? The fruit tree?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, wasn't that a frog? He didn't make it. No, that was a lizard. Oh. One of them had a frog. That was a tough spokesman, man. Nobody was drinking it. No. Fucking creepy. Jesus Christ. He had poison. Google that. That's a thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. And they have poison yet? Let's get one in here. Was he killing missionaries? That's crazy. I remember he'd be like, you want to sleep over? I'm like, sleep over? Dude, I'd rather go to the goddamn Amazon. Sleep over? At least there I got a shot. And dude, he had like a rock on top of these things. Squirrely.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't like those frogs that have those suction cups on their fingers. That's what he was. I got a tree frog one dried out on me. I didn't keep it moist enough. He had a little skin so soft on him. Should have hit him with some SPF 30.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, it's a young kid's spot. It's a young man's sport.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You got to reel that line in a little. I mean, where were they at?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know what you're asking me. When's the last time you... I live in Manhattan. I don't fucking... What are you... I'm not making it up to the sixth floor. Did you have a house in the suburbs when's the last time you... I saw a toad jumping. You did? Squashed him tootsweet. No, I'm kidding. Hans, get him. Hans did not like him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
How do they fill out the census? You're not going to get accurate numbers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What's your favorite television show?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The boys are about to hit the road for that Back on the Block tour, so grab the squad and come on out and see us. Yeah, we're starting in San Francisco, then Portland, Seattle, Brea, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm a norm man. I love that John Rattenberger. Rattenberger. Turtle Burger. I'll have the Rat-A-Burger, please.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Show it off a little bit. We need a convertible, too. Me and you, front seat. I'll be driving. You'll be in the pen. I'll get two broads in the back or at least put a wig on Luke. A little flat-chested, but I like him. He got a tight little body. Picked her up in the valley, huh? Fucking valley trash. I'm talking Beverly Hills. All right, let's cut the bullshit here. What do you got for me? What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's not enough to make a difference. Sure. No. Traffic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They were running around. You'd see them in the grass after a rain. Get out of my yard. Yeah, you just don't have grass anymore. First of all, you pay. My mom does. Not a lot. The whole backyard's a deck. The front yard. That's less.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They would get into the pool, and they would go underneath the lip of the above-ground pool, and they would stick to the inside.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Nah, they'd be chilling like the toads. Really?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
These are 90s frogs. This ain't these pansies running around today. These are fucking street tough frogs. Unvaccinated frogs. These guys are, you know. Yeah, holy shit. We had a couple of frogs. Vinny had them, and I remember telling Denise I want a poison dart frog, and she was like, are you freaking kidding me? Not in my heels. Tell your dad. You're Catholic. That's throwing holy water at me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, God. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Lou. $10 day trader. That's a good one. Shout out to the day traders.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's pretty good. Never have one read. Is it garbs use Clorox disinfectant wipes on your feet after taking off your work boots to combat athlete's foot? I don't think so. That kind of makes sense to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Why? It's bleach, man. But that kills everything. Irritants.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hmm. Yeah, you're worried about microplastics. You're fucking bathing in... Can I give him a heads up, though?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We had a can of that sitting in my, I think it was there when we moved in. Man, it was. My dad's medicine cabinets are in the hall bathroom. Obviously, they had their bathroom and then in the hall bathroom for the kids. That medicine cabinet. Because we didn't live there enough to like. Sure. The stuff in my mom's was there for our whole... Connectin, iodine.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, dude, it was like... A couple of condoms. There was some calamine lotion that crusted over on that lid. Talk about dried out. That was like a tree frog in heat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I think some people are just maybe... You know, you get it bad, you said. Bad. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Talk about closing deals. It's not contagious anymore. You're oozing. Summer of the ooze. The Phantom of the Shore has.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Why did you drag me down here for? You make it seem like. Pitch me your ideas so I can say no. The hell do I got? I was driving down the east side highway over there, FDR. New York City? New York City, New York. Manhattan, ever heard of it? Not out there in Queens with the heathens. See it from my. Subway platform. If I squint hard. That's where the rich guys live, kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Get over to Pretty Litter. Tell them the boys sent you. Yeah, Pretty Litter ships right to your door. It's non-toxic, pet safe, household friendly, low dust, controls odors.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And last up to one month, as the big man said, and as he said, I'll elaborate on a little more to monitor your cat's health, detecting abnormalities in your cat's urine by testing acidity and alkalinity levels and showing the visible presence of blood. Taking care of the cats. Right now, you can save 20% on your first order, and you get a free cat toy at prettylitter.com. That's prettylitter.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
To save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy, prettylitter.com. Pretty Litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases. The diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian. Licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See the site for details. Do it. I'm back to the show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see here. What else we got? This is from Afternoon Farmer. Another work. Is it garbage to put your belt in the loops on your pants and preload your pockets the night before work because it's one less thing you have to do before you head out to work in the morning? I respect it. But putting it up. Listen, I'm a guy. I get home. I'll come home today. I'll take my pants off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Belt stays in. Of course. I'm not taking my... That belt stays in. I throw them... Either I have a hook that I hang them on on the inside door of my closet. You know, it's on there, and I close that. You leave your wallet in there, right? Yeah, yeah. Unless maybe I'll take my wallet and keys out and put them on the desk or whatever. I always feel like a cop when I do that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, you're gonna my bitch. I always feel like a cop. So, but then, yeah, I mean to like, and then I'm wearing them pants every day for the next couple of weeks. They're getting, they're getting worn in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, I know. A little Clorox, a little calamine lotion. All right, let's see here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You weren't right about the frog. I was right about the frogs. I'll give it to you, barely. I mean, 3%. That's a lot. I take 3.8% of your nose off. You'll notice. Okay, my nose, sure, but if you took 3% off my body, you wouldn't notice. Not the wiener, please. I need every ounce I can get.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like in the car. Yeah. I mean, your belt would go. I only had that once. I can, you know. Yeah, only once I had it. I remember it was a belt. You got to get the belt. That was, like, the talk for, like, the... Or maybe it was on my mom's car. Yeah, I was a kid. It was on my mom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The belt, and it was like... When your mom or dad's car had something like that where everybody couldn't tell, like, when it was squeaking. You could pull into a school parking lot with a screamer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Not a lot of cash laying around either.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That was just like... I was there the whole time. Could have done it. Three weeks. Some other guy coming in fucking... My mom was bringing him out beers and shit. She's got a fresh lemonade on her fucking tray. Wearing something nice. Fucking skank. She's got those leather pants on. Hey! Don't bring those up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was driving down to FDR, which is on the east side, and... There was, I'd seen, so listen, I've seen a lot of jammed up mofos. I've seen a lot of people moving in vehicles they shouldn't be moving in, this and that. I've had to strap down a lot of stuff on a pickup truck to get to a job site that I shouldn't have been doing above my pay grade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah, hussy. Disgrace. Leather pants. Supposed to be a child of God. Out of here in leather pants and squid ink pasta.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, this is Willy Wonka's little homie. $10 homie, never had one read. Is it garbage for your mom to send you and your stepdad to a Taco Bell run, and you end up running to your biological father as you're walking out of the Taco Bell? Stepdad and father end up getting in a fight. Stepdad wins, but his shirt is torn up. Holy shit. This was back in 2008. Haven't seen biological dad since.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Damn. Wow, that's some fucking beef. That's, you know, that's on-site type shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Because listen, I've navigated this. My parents did it quite well. To an extent, right? Mom did a real good job of never trashing my dad when I was younger. As we got older, it became pretty. Sure. You can only defend the guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, they weren't boys. I mean, I understand. I understand that. Moved into the man's house. Well, listen, all that is, no, they weren't, they were cordial. They were cordial. I think that's a, you know, your stepfather, you know, he had his own business and all that stuff. My ma had a type. Sure. Smoking, drinking, construction workers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it was more of we're not moving. My mom's like, this is my frigging house. This is my kid's house. They don't want to take you out of your school district and do that to all the ladies in the school. And he waited a while to move in. A while.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I refused to go. I did. You would have went to, like, CB West or something like that. I wasn't figuring it out. I said, no way. It was going to be when they were talking. I was a kind of excited, fresh start. You know what I mean? Yeah. I kind of looked forward to it, but at the same time, I'm like, I know who I am and I know who I'm not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I'm not the guy to go to a new school and win everyone over. I got a bit of an attitude problem. What's Neshaminy like? It's pretty cool. and loser. Back when my old house, we had an elevator. Started lying about how cool my old house was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like a gap year? No, prep school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So it couldn't have happened and it didn't happen. You're a bunch of woulda, coulda, shoulda. Yeah, man. I could have done this. I could have done that. Listen, you don't do shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They were cordial for sure. I mean, you know, they did a good job of, you know... Would they see each other? Yeah, the wah-wah in the morning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, that's it, the wah-wah. They were at the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Not compliant with, you know, the Department of Transportation laws and legalities. You know what always frightened the Foley family? What? Bungee cords. One of those things snap back. I was a surgeon with bungee cords. They might as well be an aircraft carrier cable. I think it's fucking ripping in half.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, my stepdad did a good job of stepping out of the parental figure and was like, you know... He didn't give a shit. He did not give a shit. Yeah, that was... My dad would... Beat the disciplinarian. I mean, I'm pretty sure I could have beat up Joe. He's like 115 pounds. I was 215 in sixth grade. You're sitting on him. 215. That's a big boy. That boy sure does love rolls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Did he ever criticize you about your weight? Yeah, he hit me one time pretty hard. He was pretty sauced up. We were eating crabs. Hey, you're not supposed to eat the shells. I mean, the newspaper. We got crabs down here on...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
see if you can find i think it's like number one seafood it's on like route one or two ben salem seafood it's right by park you fat little bastard i wanted crabs and we got like a we went and got a half a bushel of crabs off season too man you got a lot of balls who the tells their parents they want crabs dom seafood nah it might be closed i know that place it was on like route one Maybe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're getting crabs on. Or Trevo's. Try Trevo's. 90 minutes from Wildwood. Hey, throw them crabs in a car and get them up here real quick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's not like I'm in Nebraska or some ordering sushi.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hit me with a... I forget the... Slow down. No, it was... I think I was, like, stretching and my young breasts were... were protruding out of my shirt. You're going to Shirley Temple from Mae West over here? No, we were at home. We went and got crabs and brought them back to the house. I mean, you're eating a car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He turns around. I'm going to play it cool, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What the fuck? I think we bought cooked crabs already and took them home. We're eating them in the kitchen. American Crab Company? American Crab Company. Give me a couple of reviews on American Crab Company. That's a good one. That's a goddamn institution. What year did that open? That's been here my whole life. Those dudes are moving crab.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
My haircut's driving me crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
There you go. Holy shit. 45 years. It's that fuck like you keeping them biz.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Crabs on Christmas. No one's cracking crabs on Christmas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Seafood's not crabs. We got crabs. Oh, like cooked crabs that you crack open?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'd rather cold. That was my big gift. Crab's just what I wanted. Crab's got out!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I can hear your little stuffy nose and dirty butt. How can you hear my dirty butt? Um...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
it was more of a him thing he liked crabs i just started like i think like he had introduced him to me before this is when my brother and sister out of the house i'm like i don't know 10 maybe that makes it even weirder i'm this was him i think this was him like bonding with me less than five people eating crabs is weird there was two of us wait your mom wasn't there she don't touch crap like maybe he'd clean a claw for her or whatever she was there
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That thing catch you in the groin. I did. I got it one time. Circumcised twice. I got it one time in the lip, I remember. Oh, man. It was freezing this morning. I was wrapping copper pipe around. I'm always scared of that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think I was – I genuinely forget the line, but he – So it's like a Wednesday night. No, it's probably a Friday night. All right. Friday night. Crab night. Dump. Crab Fridays. Probably did, you know, I don't know. We ordered maybe 15 – a dozen crabs or something. He had a couple. I had a couple. And I think I was standing up. I was, like, stretching or something, and my bosom was protruding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And he compared my tits to somebody's. Like my mom's, my sister's. It wasn't Jason Momoa. I know that. It wasn't about the definition of my pecs. And my mom went, Joe! I was like, I'll fucking hit this guy. That's crazy. Fucker, Nate called me fat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He grabbed a couple Hawaiian rolls and ended up... Rubbing my eyes, I got an old day in them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Remember, I was wearing my brother's long-sleeved shirt at the time, and I thought... And your sister's bra. Hey, titty fucker. Hey, Dolly Parton, pass me the Old Bay, will you? Oh, man. Do you remember the Dolly Parton song? I didn't know who Dolly Parton was. Nine to five? What do you mean? Dolly Parton. Jolene? No, Dolly Parton. She's the best. She's got mountains on her chest.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I remember singing that at like eight. Someone was like, what the hell did you do? I didn't know who Dolly Parton was. How dare you? What? Fucking great country artist. Great set of camps on her. She was beautiful.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Still is. Absolutely beautiful. Rest in peace. Legend. She's not dead. Jesus Christ. Sorry. What's wrong with you? Goddamn country western sensation. It's not like she's 25 and I just put the fucking kibosh on her. She's like 80 years old. She's alive, right, Luke? Yeah. All right. All right, take it easy. Fucking toot on both of you. All right, let's see. Did we even get to that question?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You don't need that up for rent. It's $78,000 a year to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think we have, Don. Damn. All right. Well, maybe next year. Hey, guys, we're going to need a good Patreon.com. Send a big man back to Mercersburg. Have some fucking D-back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's what it was, me switching schools, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You don't have it in you. I coulda. You don't. No, stop saying coulda. You don't. I coulda. No, you coulda. My dad sold the Mustang 400 times. you'd still be paying that fucking year off. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, it's only one year. That's not that bad. I was like, what? It wasn't that in 94.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, so I refused to go. My stepdad was a builder, like a construction guy, so he built a house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Nicely played. That's a Mercersburg man right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That goddamn country boy's out there. Especially back then. Dude, we're talking 2000. You're talking about the 90s, dude. I'm talking about 2000. This is probably. So the plan was to go in ninth grade, ninth or tenth grade. And I said, listen, that's great for you. I'm happy for you. Because my mom worked at Doyletown Hospital. She was driving up there. She was doing third shifts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
She's driving home at like fucking, you know, the middle of the night. Deer on the road. Deer on the road. In her bravada. Driving like that all the way up on his steering wheel. Her and that bravada. That sand-colored GMC. The interior? The interior and exterior. This thing was all sand. This thing was all sand. It was like the goddamn Sahara, dude. It was all ice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, this was leather. Really? That would crank heaters in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Little Clorox, little Armor All. Take that sheen right out of there. What's a Bravada go? See what you can get a Chevy Bravada for right now. I might buy Denise a Bravada. Yeah, that's what she wants. Her birthday. What do you mean? Relive the glory years? She don't want that hunk of shit. Get her out of retirement back at the hospital?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What? 32, the hell? You're going to say 3,200. That's pretty high. How many miles are on that thing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Holy shit. But I said I'm going to move in with dad because I would have been able to stay at the same height, and Denise did not like that. That would have been a bad move. Living with dad. You wouldn't have gotten to college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Did you read that in Deep Blue Quarterly?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He would have convinced me to, like, why don't you come work? Like, I would have, like. Dropped out. I would have dropped out. But he's like, you know what the steam fittings are making right out of, you know. Good money. Good money. Getting a union. Me and my brother went to college, and we were all working together. And he was like, you guys should join the union. I'm like. I'm 26.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got a fucking college degree. No. Good catch, though. Good bennies. Yeah, I know. You'd be working for the rest of your life. I'm aware. Yeah, and it's also that life takes a toll on you. Those dudes, like, they're all getting knee replacements, hip replacements. I'd have to get my tits done.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But I was driving down, it was me and my wife, and listen, this guy was moving. Okay. First of all, Luke just because you lie so much. Can sharks be 50 feet? Yes. Sharks can be 50 feet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Did you see the blouse Kevin's wearing today? You're going to want to get in there and ask for some time off. I'm like the Puerto Rican girl from Sopranos that AJ falls in love with. I'm giving guys my six digits of my cell phone number. You got to work on the rest. Speaking of AJ, Robert Eiler, home run in fucking Bad Thoughts. Yeah, Fantiso.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
If you haven't seen Tom Segura's Bad Thoughts over on Netflix, do yourself a favor. Wow. Man, very good. Fantastic. Speaking of schools, this is from OGLadyGarbage13. $10 homie, never have one read. Is it garbage if you have to walk across a river on a railroad tracks to get to and from school? What the fuck? That's a bad neighborhood, dude. You're scoping out to see if it's coming or not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
India? That's crazy. Is this Slumdog Millionaire?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm talking about this now with my wife because they all walk to school. And, like, not on, like, high level. More than, like, our school districts here, from my understanding, is, like, unless you're in the neighborhood. Right. Like, you can't be, like, crossing bigger roads. No. It's got to be, like, you walk out, you make a right. And I think...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
At least in maybe Pennsylvania, it was like, there has to be a sidewalk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like, you know, you can't be walking through people's front yards or whatever. But there, they were like, you know, they kind of disperse. You know, it's like, they're all like... They're like a village, right? Kind of. I mean, it's not like she grew up in a shoe. Over at Hogwarts? Crossing a train track over a river.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's dangerous. Man, those scared the shit out of me. Speaking of, my dad's from Roxborough, so he took us. There was like a trestle bridge. Is that what they're called? We called them trestles. Trestle. Trestle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They're like the railroad bridges where you gotta, like, it's railroad ties every, like, 12 inches or whatever. This fucking asshole took us out on one. Because they used to... They didn't have, like, a pool. Like, they were, you know... You're jumping in the river? But they would hold on to the train. Hold on to the train?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They would get on the train, hold on to the train, and then, like, jump off the train. That's what they told me. That's crazy. And I talked to, because Cassidy's from Roxborough, too. I talked to him. He's like, yeah, that's what. So he's like, he would tell us. And I'm like, nah. So he's like, my dad was very, you'd be like, he would tell you a story. You go, no fucking way. And he'd go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Get in the car. Yeah. We pulled over. He parked on the side of a street that you're not allowed to park on. A relative highway. We get out. We climb down an embankment. I'm in my church shoes. We were visiting my grandmom for Mother's Day or Easter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got my penny loafers on. And he's got nickels in him. There was a fence. I must have been. We had to climb. And he's like, come on. Come on. Stop being a pussy. You're afraid of your shadows. That's what he said. Afraid of your own goddamn shadows. I remember, dude, my knees were knocking, walking across this thing. And the second... Hey, Bob, we're going to miss breakfast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I can't have a BLT this time of the day. Omelet bar closes at 10 in the omelet station. And the powder eggs do a number on my intestines. And I remember the moment... When we got over water. Because those start, you're still over land. And I was like, oh, this isn't bad. Fuck that, man. So scared. Oh, shit. Jesus. There's a different time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it was very much that. It's going to be yours.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I know. Crabs and tits. This is a goddamn AYG. We do crabs and tits. Motorboat and son of a bitch, you. Oh, God. That's fucking so funny. This is from too many. Y'all know you can buy a Visa gift card, okay? Have your friend upload it to their PayPal account. Then have them send a friends and family payment to you to get cash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't get that. So it's a way to get cash. Oh. But if you're buying the Visa gift card, you essentially have. But you don't have cash. Drug dealers don't take cash. Or drug dealers don't take Visa gift cards, usually. So what are you buying the Visa gift card with? Credit? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but he's saying you can buy a Visa gift card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I would also assume if you're operating under the sense that you have an open balance credit card, you can get your hands on it. Take a fucking cash advance on the credit card. They bang out, don't they? I mean, if you need your fucking fix. I got caught up in that world in college when I found that you could do that. Listen, I've never learned out of... I tried it one time in Atlantic City.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
First of all, the one fact you gave was a 50-foot shark, and he said that didn't exist. Fucking snoops over there or whatever it's called. You've been on that a lot. Snoops I have. They got me with something last night. Like that can't be true. We're the snoops. True. I, uh, so this guy was moving and this was a pretty bad, uh, roll the clip. We're showing the picture. This guy's got neckties.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
90% on Tootie's card. I remember that. Yeah, because they kept shutting all of our cards down. It was like 4 a.m. and we were trying to take out... Sizable amount of money. I needed to dip people. And they shut down all the cards, remember? Yeah. And I was like, I can get an advance. And then I was like, I don't want to. They denied that, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I was like, I'm not dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight with that one. No, thank you. Yeah, I guess. I mean, that makes sense if you have a Visa. I guess if you have a Visa gift card, in my head, upload it. They can pay it forward and use that balance, and then you get cash. Yeah. But maybe that's a way to get around any fees or anything like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But if they send you a family payment, that goes to a bank account. Oh, wait. But hold on. See? Yeah. How are you getting the cash out of PayPal? So let's just say it's $100. Uh-huh. Oh, hold on. They can go to your Chase account, like your debit card. Yes. And then you're going to take it out. Yeah. That's a lot. Okay. Yeah. Fucking rob the bank or something. That's got meth written all over it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I don't think they're going to a GNC and getting supplements. A little blue magic. This is an update. I forgot we talked about this. This is from Tiffany. Kippy, I need to know, is your wife still using that ceramic egg holder in the fridge? I told you about that, I assume. Ceramic egg holder? Yeah. Like the little soldier, John?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, it's like a ceramic thing with, like, hole, and you put the dozen eggs in there so they're not in the cart. We have a plastic one. Okay. Yeah. No, we're not using it. No? It's been empty. Feels nice doing that. I am not doing that. By the way, I go to a dozen eggs if I'm being bad in three days. Yeah? If I'm being good four days. But then that means if she's not, she's having an egg or two.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, we're going. We're buying eggs every day, it seems. One egg is tough. One egg is nothing. I won't do two eggs. Nothing. Half of it's in the pan. Yeah, I mean, there you go. There's a way to get some cash out of not cash. That's a way to get cash out of gift cards, which is instead of... We used to do the thing. I remember... I don't know if it was GameStop or somewhere.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I had, they gave me store credit, and I was there peddling the, hey, I, you know, I was with my buddy, I think, and he was asking, hey, I'll let me buy, you give me the cash, and I'll buy you. But he was doing it to, like, random people at the GameStop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Like, they were there buying a controller. He's like, give me the 45 bucks. I'll pay for it. The guy's like, get the fuck away from me. The boy's like, you can't, unless you're buying something, you can't be in here. His third-party business out front. He's got a booth set up. Serge, so many of your time. All right, let's see here. Let's do a couple of more.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one's a good idea, which we've talked about before, but I never thought of this. I never thought of this. This is for $10, Chuck. First time, long time. Is it garbage to clean the bathroom sink with a vacuum after you shave or trim? That's so crazy. I started doing that maybe a year ago. That's great. It's fucking, as long as nothing's wet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The splashing takes a while, and sometimes you just splash it up too high, and then you got to come down with it. You know what I do? This is a new one. We talked about this probably a handful of months ago, and this is the new thing I've learned, and I think about it. I take my shirt off. Typically, I'm shaving before I get in the shower. I take my shirt off, lay that over completely,
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, over the whole sink. Shave in that. So then it all, you can't see the sink.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, they go right into the shower that's already running. Wash that all down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You got to wrap it up. Get out on that, baby. That's how you do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And the Tootie Party Pack. We got beer koozies. We got ashtrays. We got matches. We got coasters. And we got shot glasses.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What the fuck is my looking at? This is the tie. He's got his mattress on top of his sedan, right? So the white part's the mattress. Where's the sedan? It's under. You can't see it. It's at the very bottom, like the blue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think that's just the bottom of the mattress. Holy shit. So there's a mattress. Then he's got a combination of bungee cords and neckties. Like he's in jail. Like he's escaping from, you know, he got caught cheating on somebody. Holy shit. And then he's got furniture. I don't know what that is. Luke might be able to... determine what that is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He's got some sort of, dude, this was doing, we were doing 50 flying down the FDR. That's crazy. Just, and it's, I've never seen that. That's a long, one tie's long as shit. I know. Dude, there's got to be, I can see one, two, three, four, five, I can see five or six different, seven, maybe seven different neck ties. He just ruined those ties, too. Can't throw those things on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's also like, why don't you just get some rope or something? Man, that's crazy. That's wild, right? Holy shit. That is a wooden structure, and it's broken. He's got that one red one, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Perry Ellis, dude. Perry Ellis and a Van Heusen. Close it. I remember my dad had a Pierre Cardin, and I was, dude, I was telling my boys about this thing. I'm like, yo, my dad, I think my dad's been to Paris before. A Pierre Cardin. Yeah, it's all right. Damn, that is a tough look. That's bad, dude. That's like, you know, but, you know, respect it. He's getting to this car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It was packed with shit. I mean, like, dude, the window, everything was jammed up. Hope the divorce is going well.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You got some broken wood. Everything's coming up this guy. That's a weird, like, air conditioner on top or something. Yeah, I assume that's probably just maybe weighing the mattress down. I think that's more functional than property. You know what I mean? It's a driftwood up there. It looks like a cornhole thing. It's got a bad paint job on it. It's got some green paint. Yeah, either way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, but he did put a protector on the mattress, which I will give him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think I'd go with a cargo container or something. They could spitball other ideas. Man, but we got a gosh darn family episode on our hand. Gang, as you know, when you join the old Patreon over there, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Shout out to all the homies over there. About 14,000 strong on the gosh darn Patreon. Love to see it. Lowkey...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
bubbling over there we're one of the top 10 comedy pods over there on patreon and listen it's a good time if you join now you get the last four years so it's like two episodes a week at the ten dollar level that comes out to 104 what's that 104 episodes a year so there's like four over 400 episodes on air where'd you get that oh remote hey what are you doing i thought he had a fob or something
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see here. This is from the fully erect $10 homie. Okay. Is it garbage to swipe your credit card before the cashier is done ringing your shit up? It feels classy and trashy at the same time, which I get that so succinctly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's not going to go through. No, some of them do. When they're ringing it up, you can swipe your card, and then they have to do the process.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So you can jump the gun. It does seem like a little. And it'll still keep adding up? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That is a baller move. To me, I'll do it sometimes, and I feel cool. Like, I don't care how much this is. You know what I mean? Meanwhile, I'm buying Diet Coke or something. It's like $7. But you feel like, oh, I don't even know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I used my debit card at the grocery store the other day, and I had to put my pin in. I didn't like it. Oh, I don't like that either. I'm looking over my shoulder. Uh-huh. Of course, I got the eye in the sky in there. Oh. Fucking get you. There's one... There's a grocery store I go to when I'm in the burbs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This guy is... They're all a little, like... I hate when they over-explain it to you, like you don't know how the machine works, you know? It's kind of like going through TSA security. They're like... And some are different or whatever. You got to hold it till you hear the long beat. You're like, I know, man. I thought it'd be whatever it was. The one guy grabbed my card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was like, I'll fucking slap the shit out of you in this Super Fresh right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I kind of looked down for a long time on Apple Pay, too, as, like, using it at a point of sale, like at a grocery store. Mm-hmm. Because I thought that was for more, like, online. To me, in my naive brain, it was more like a Venmo. Like, oh, I can buy something with Apple Pay. Mm-hmm. I remember seeing people, this is not that long, two years ago, being like, who are you, Steve Jobs, motherfucker?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Get your credit card out like the rest of us. Hey, Neuralink, hurry it up, man. Yeah, it's like, dude, what the fuck? I got to write a check here. Will anybody know what the date is? Who's got a pen, man? I just got my mechanical pencil.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Do you? What? I'm afraid it's going to puncture my scrotum.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It gets in my pockets. What gets your pockets? It'll leak in my pockets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
One time. So I've never written another word in my life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It leaked all over. You in the lab? My laboratory? Laboratory. What a high schooler carries pens in his tuck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's like you're managing a fucking supermarket. You got your sleeves rolled up, you're doing an end cap. You're restocking the tasty cakes. Waiting on the Edelman's guy. You got it in your ear. Wow, I look like a squid got me. Which I assume that you don't touch that. Squid? Squid ink pasta. I have had it. Hmm. I mean black pasta. What am I? What are we in hell? That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hey, what's with the licorice? Yeah. What is this? Sambuca flavored? No way. This is the devil fettuccine? No, thank you. We had it one time. I had it once years ago. I remember my mom trying to push that tricolor pasta on us. Holy shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We were in South Philly. This was probably right after college, before comedy. I remember being so broke. It was like my friends had jobs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available on Spotify, which I got to be honest with you, that numbers are running away on Spotify. One of the charts over there. Amen. Look out. As well as the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You need paid forms of payment. I didn't know what it was. It was squid. Dude, it came out. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it. I went, what the hell is even that? And they're like, yeah, it's dyed black. I said, we are not splitting this bill anymore. I had the raviolis, and that's all I'm paying for. Because they ordered a bunch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Staying in the Italian cuisine, this is from all the toast my mother-in-law calls Parmesan cheese. Parm and John cheese. Parmesan? Parmesan cheese. That'd be a good restaurant. That's a real hillbilly. Over there, Parmesan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
2010? You're dropping movies in 2010? I just saw it. Listen, I get how it works. I just saw it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That was the same. That movie and the Brigade of Traveling Pants was the same. The Brigade of Traveling Pants. That was the same movie. There was a bunch of broads in fucking. They all died of Waterloo. A bunch of broads. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Whatever. A bunch of whores if you ask me. A bunch of scallywags running through. You're all getting the train ran on them or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ari Matti!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Run it through again. Oh, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Kam Patterson!
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, also, you're top of mind for some of these older people in your lives. Charlie got that for me. Yeah, and then they're seeing it every day. They're seeing pictures of you and the family every day. You might end up in a will. They might give you a bigger slice of the pie. You know what I mean? All jokes aside, it is...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
For me, the easiest way to knock out people on my Christmas list, Aura Frame. Boom. Send it. Boom. Send it. There. Upload the pictures, the messages. Easy peasy. And right now, you can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura Frame's best-selling Carver matte frames by using the promo code garbage at checkout. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
This deal is exclusive to AYG listeners. Oh, yeah. So get yours now, just in time for the holidays. Holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Do it. Do it. Do it. Gang, today's episode is brought to you by Acorn. Acorn makes it easy to start automatically investing and saving for you, your kids, and your retirement, even during the holidays. You don't need to be an expert.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
If they want to get in the business, I'll give them a recommendation. Someone call it a writing slump by the big man. I'm trying to get Kimmel on the phone. Happy holidays, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Acorn will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches your needs. Yes. You also don't need a lot of time. You can create your Acords account and start automatically investing in about five minutes, baby. I did it in about three and a half. I'm in the goddamn game. I'll tell you that right now. Kids playing in markets. Woo-wee. A lot of cash rolling around in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, and you don't need to be. About $400. Acorns lets you get started with spare money you've got right now. It's the easiest way to do it. That could be $5 a day or even just your spare change. That's right. Acorn can round up every purchase you make to the next dollar and automatically invest your spare change for you. So you're in the game. You're taking care of future.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Plus, they show you what your investment could possibly be down the road. That's a fun number. And you can get bonus investments just for buying the stuff you need and the brands you love. I've been using it for years. It's the only way I've been able to squirrel away, no pun intended, a couple of bucks for retirement because I can't save. I can't save. Acorns has made it so simple, so easy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's fantastic. This is a paid endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash garbage right now and head to acorns.com slash garbage or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing in your future today.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
One more time, head to acorns.com slash garbage or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Do it. Yeah. Is it garbage if your parents moved you into the basement when you were nine? I got a TV to keep the ghost away. Jesus Christ. Dude, that's fucking, at nine? That's bad. I did it when I was probably into college. What sort of deformity did he have?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's where you put the evil twin. Throw a snake down there. That's crazy. At nine. Dude, that's... You're the first line of defense. You know that had a storm door going out to the street. That doesn't sound like a nice basement either. No. I would even say there's probably no storm door. That was a fire hazard. Oh, you think?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's about to be the precipice, baby. The boys are locked and loaded. Feel it out there. Uh-huh. Got a hanker for a hot chocolate and a fucking candy cane. Okay. Let's go. I think you get those in August, too. You know what's nice? You guys ever had Mexican hot chocolate? No. Delicious. A little cinnamon in it. I mean, that's not Mexican hot chocolate. Yes, it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's always scared the fuck out of me. Yeah, the Bilko doors or whatever. Spider City. We never had those.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, nine years old? That's insane. On a different floor from your fucking parents? Two floors down. I don't know. This might have been a... They wouldn't even get you. No, if it had a basement, I doubt it had just one floor. They were up there probably chilling. They'd probably knock down the wall, stretch it out for them, threw the kid in the basement. Walk-in closet. That's fucked up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's real. It sounds like... I mean, I get at some age you want to go, I want to have my own space, and it's like you want to feel older and some responsibility, but... Fucking nine, dude. The fantasy of that was always better than the reality of it. Dude, I was scared when I did it at 20 years. I moved home from college for the summer, and I moved down to the basement so I could watch my films.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Privacy. I've seen that basement. Yeah, dude. The half-finished? No, it's been half-finished. For so long. Yeah, no thanks. That thing's been flooded. Not to mention the radon or whatever, the carbon monoxide down there. You're like the canary in the fucking... in the mine. They go down and they know you're dead. They fucking get the hell out of there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, it was even trashier when I did it because... We had moved a bunch of – that was – we never used it, so that was the storage of all, like, the furniture because my family could never throw out furniture. It'd be like there was furniture from, like, my stepdad's townhouse that he lived in. He moved it down there. Mix and match. So it was all just – but it was just storage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It wasn't even together. And then I got down there. I'm like, make this into a fucking – Turn this into fucking John Flannery's. Combining styles? Yeah, dude. You got a couple of high tops down there? No, you need two by the bar. All right, give me 15 minutes. Smoking or not? And I assembled it into a living room, and I put a bed in the corner, a nice little nightstand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ever have any ladies down there? My mom would come down to clean up. Get your socks. You never brought a girl home. Not to Denise's. I mean, later. Yeah. Later? What's later? Like in college and stuff. Yeah, that's what I mean. You move down there after college. Yeah, not after college. During college. I want to say it was the summers of college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay, you were down in the basement doing your thing. I was thinking I was doing it. I was laboring. I was digging ditches. Pretty good shape-ish. I was, I'm telling you. You were no peaches, I can tell you that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was eating a lot of those gummy peaches. Getting my hands on that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was old lady candy. The gummies? Yeah, the ones with the sugar on the outside. Old broads can't eat that. They got dentures. Fucking pull that ripping crown out. I was never a big fan. I like the sugar. You're gonna be wrong. There's something about the texture, though. I feel like I was biting the duck skin or something like that. I know what you mean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
A couple of those where, like, a feather used to be. Give me the willies. Like a chuckle. You ever have a chuckle? Old school jelly candy? Jelly candy? Yeah, it's the same thing. Just a little bit less firm. Feel weird on your teeth. No, it's not for me. I like them sharks, though. The white bottom sharks. What are we, nuts? That's the same thing as the peaches, though. No, peaches are different.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm sure other people are putting cinnamon in their hot chocolate. It's not just to Mexico. It's a big thing down there. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're crazy. Different consistency. I'll do this all day. You'll never win. Telling you right now, I know my gummy candies. Hey, you know what? I have to bend the knee when I see fit. So you did bring broads down there? I don't think down there. You ever kiss the girl? Let's start there. What? Would you have had to sneak her down there? Were you allowed to fornicate in a goddamn Catholic house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
My mom wasn't cool with me fucking girls. You're in college. You're a grown man to a degree. Yeah, but I wasn't dating anybody seriously. So I wasn't like, hey, this is Tina. I met her at Black Bowl or whatever. She works third shift at the pub. Some lady her age.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's just true. You guys graduated together, I think. Oh, hey, Denise. Nice place. Your boy's a real stallion. Oh, dude, tell him. Tell him, Mom. Who's your age that are boys? That just made me cringe, dude. Your boys are real. This one can go all night. I cannot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is something that you've seen two seconds of. I used to get it from a place in Sunnyside where I lived. I used to go and get. No, let me make this up. No, I did. Because I remember the first time I had it, I was like, there's dirt in here. Someone spit in my coffee. All right, well, I'm going to have to try this. I'm going to have to get my hands on some Mexican hot chocolate.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's too young. I think that's like a fucking wellness check. That's a kid in a basement. That is a kid in a basement. I don't care what you did to it. I mean, if it was new, my boy Pat moved to the basement in like junior high, maybe. All right. Junior high. Sure. And I bet he still ran up them steps a couple of times because he got the willies down there. The heat kicked on or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. But that was like a proper finished basement. That was like I had a TV to keep the ghosts away. Man, I still need it. Why do we think that's going to work? I just think we don't like to do the hotel room. I got to have the TV on. I'll even put my headphones in. I was in an old hotel a few weeks ago, and the TV was in a cabinet, and the one door. I was there twice over the last month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Different rooms, and the door, the one of the cabinets, just constantly would just open slowly. I fell asleep and I woke up in the middle of the night and they were both like that. Looking over you? What the hell? I slept with the shower on for the rest of the night. You can creep me out. All right, let's see. This one's from Blue Chewbacca. Great name. $10, first time, long time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
When was the last time yous had genuine rug burn?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
For a while. It's a little different, but for a while. Chafin? No, Chafin. Forget about it. I don't get that that bad anymore, but I still get a reminder of it every summer. I used to have it. When I was waiting tables, oh, my God. It was like fucking a topography map down there. Brutal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Burned. Searing. Grinding. Itching. Real good food handler, I'm sure. Fucking sneezing, herpes, fucking wingworm. I'd have to go in there and straighten it out every once in a while.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I told you I saw a guy cook or something. I was working at a restaurant. I was young. I was 12, probably, bussing tables.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think he had a bad case of jock itch. Walked back into the supply closet, fucking handful of cornstarch. It went straight down. And I remember being like, I have a lot to learn until I'm a man. That was like something I feel like would be done in war. Like, you got to get back. He's a pizza maker. He's in there making a roux.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Thickening up a little bit. Beer battered down there, dude. This is when you grab me a Guinness, will you? Get these fried pickles ready. Yeah, that's tough. I haven't had rug... I mean, as a kid, when you're wrestling, your brother would, like, drag you by the foot or whatever. Vicious. Oh, man. On the AstroTurf was brutal, too, if it was on a porch or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
What I was going to say is, for some reason, there's certain bars or countertops where, in the summer, if I, like, lean my elbow on it and it's there for a long time, it, like, peels it off or I get, like, a burn. Mm-hmm. You ever get that? I don't think so. It's bad. Shit stings. I mean, how specific? Certain bars are countertops in the summertime.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Or just cinnamon and regular hot chocolate. It's delicious. I can do it myself. Take my watch off. I'm scratching the table. I know. You're like a bull in a china. You're like a fat guy in a podcast studio breaking stuff. I got something. That's a little too on the nose. I'm known for my analogies. That's from a commercial. What? I know that from a commercial back in the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Certain lacquer on it. Okay. And how long are you leaning on it? I guess a while. I can't remember. Are you playing Mahjong? What the fuck? I think I would get it at the Lantern a lot. If we were in there and we were posted up and I had my elbow on the table, I'd pull it away and it would rip. You know sometimes when you put a heater in and your lips are dry and then you rip off half your lip?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That sucks. That ruins the fucking night. Try to eat a piece of pizza at the end of the night with that. It fucking burns.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, the trials and tribulations. You ain't lying, sister.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not get your athlete's foot at all. Super good looking. Huge hog. Uh-uh. Huge balls. I apologize. Big old sack on him. Woo! Like a Muppet's eyeballs looking at you. Yeah. All right, this one's from David F. $10 homie, never had one read. Are you garbage if your dad tried setting you up with his younger co-worker, but you passed and now she's your stepmom? Ha, ha, ha. I gave you a shot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I gave you a shot. I told you she was easy. I told you it was a sure thing, dude. That's nuts. Has your mom ever tried to set you up with anybody? Yeah. One time, it was like she was related. I've told you that. I've had to have told you that. She was related to me. It was like a cousin of a cousin or something. Did your mom know she was a cousin of a cousin? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how they do it down there. Keep the fortune in the family. We were in Wildwood in a condo, and she was like, yeah, she's nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was like, what? What the fuck are you talking about? She's your sister's kid. What's the matter with you? She's my fucking cousin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's like, yeah, that's my marriage. I'm like, that's too much. Stop being a prude, you fucking pussy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're down here in the basement with your videos. What's all this stuff? I heard you beat a stallion. You fucking peckerwood. Get out there. Take this road to Kenan's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember being like, are you fucking... I was down there with a buddy too, I think. She must have just thought I was gay. I'm down there with my boy. We're going up, we're walking under the boardwalk and stuff. Like Nathan Lane and Robin Williams in the birdcage. Get off that tandem bike.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're doing chicken fights in the ocean and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know, we kind of like tennis. I'm calling your father. Jesus Christ. Tried to set you up. What did the cousin look like? She's cute. Yeah? She's cute. I'm trying to think. I don't think you've ever told me that. My memory is pretty bad due to the drug use. I'm sure she was a peach ring, you'd remember. She was some sort of gummy candy, I told you about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't even really remember the... It might have been like... Is this like down the shore like when you guys were shacked up in that one-room flop house? I mean, there's a lot of those one-room flop houses. So she was like in there. It was like 30 is in there. Nah, she was next to us, I think. Easy pickings. She wanted no parts of me. It wasn't like she was waiting for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was like, nah, thanks. I keep my options open. Summer just started. I don't want to beg myself. Can't be tied down. A free spirit. Yes. I want to say it was like my aunt by marriage. I don't really know. I only ever saw her that summer, I think. But I hear her name. Like, oh, I forget her name. But like Tiffany, you know. Still waiting for you. Hi, Kevin. I had not a setup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think it's an old saying. But they actually let a bull loose in a china shop. I can't remember what the commercial was for. Like life insurance or something like that. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think she was getting clean at the time, too. What do you mean? Oh, really?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think she was coming off the peach rings. Coming off the needle? Jesus Christ. Trying to set you up with damaged goods? What the fuck? Everybody loves a comeback story. Thank God. Man, your mom did not think highly of you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Taking you down to the halfway house. What about her?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Jesus Christ. I could be wrong. I forget. I really forget who she was. My mom, she worked at the dentist office. There was a lady that worked there. Her daughter was what we call in the business a fucking dime peach. I was trying to hook. What age are we talking? I was in college, for sure. Fit, trim, this broad, was about 8 billion light years out of my league. Was she your age?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe, like, a year younger. Something like that. Working there. Italian broad. She was working there. She was working there. She was in the office. Yeah. I had a new shop. Did you go and, like, hang out? I would hang out for, you know, when I'd go in for a cleaning. But it was tough because, I mean, I'm in my mom's dentist office getting a fucking cleaning like a loser. Not paying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got no vacancy. What are you doing, baby? Yeah, looking like a real bozo. Sure. But they, like, tried to, like, cultivate that a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
She looked at me like I was fucking a peach ring, if you know what I mean. Mm-hmm. No shot. Yeah. Been there, dog. Rough. Yeah, but I don't... I mean, that's a tough look.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your dad... How does that... I could never get that out of my head of like... That means your dad wanted to bang her the whole time and would have lived vicariously through you and would eventually have made a move on her if she became your wife. Crazy. And he starts banging her. Or they marries her. Uh-huh. Ugh. I remember after my father got divorced for the second time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was a young adult at this point. Did he ever? I was in my 20s. I was in my early 20s. I was probably 20, 21. He kept it on the level, right? He never went for like a younger generation. No, I remember. Good looking guy, successful. Those two things are up for debate. Could have yanked your bra right out of your hands. Hey, that's my drug addict.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was going to say, he could have took a little bit of fentanyl right away from you. But there was... Yeah, I remember having to see him talk to a... We used to hang out at Chickie's and Pete's a lot. After the job, we'd go to Chickie's and get some beers. You would see him macking a little bit. I mean, not... You see when a guy... A gentleman, of course. Yeah, but...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it's a life-changing perspective. Yeah. From a guy, I mean, he was married to my mom and then married to my stepmom, so it was like, this is like a new guy. I never saw my dad in any type of sexual situation. I mean, he wasn't swinging from a sex swing. is talking to the bartender.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
But that's when you go out with those.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
But you know what I mean? Of course, that's what I'm telling you. But when you go out with a bunch of construction workers for fucking beers at 2, and there's a cute bartender working the day shift. Man, they're like fucking dogs. They're all shitting on each other. Poor women. Hey, what's up, little dick? And like fucking... And they're playing along because they like the tips. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
One line I heard on a job site that forever changed the way I looked at the guy. He said, something, something, something. I might have to dick her down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I was over there. You look 40. Look older than that. Wrinkled balls. Tight sack. Do you? It's all right. A little plum. Georgia peach. Mackinac tight. A little fuzz on them. Mackinac. My balls are only good for two weeks a year. You got to act when they're hot, baby. Got to get them ripe, baby. A couple of plums. That's a great line. Otherwise, you got to jar them. I forget what that's from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I was like, dude, what? You're a fucking 275 pounds. You're not even the... Hey, dick son.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm going to have to dig her down. I was like, dude. You should take your compression sock off your testicles. Yeah. Push your hernia back in. I never had the confidence to be like that. No. What? I don't have the confidence. I'm married and don't have the confidence. And you'd hear dudes that, like, be like, there's no way that that girl would. She wouldn't even step on your ball.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
What kind of shit are you and your dad into? You know what I mean. Right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, Dad, this broad won't even kick me in the plums. You believe this? Let's get out of here. She's probably a lesbian. Let's go to Center City and check out Rouge. Go hit Red Sky. What? Go hit Red Sky. Red Sky Blue Martini. Okay, let's talk about soul. Oh, shout out to soul gang. Those out of the office gummies that hit just so right. Yeah. Long day at work. Kids are bothering you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Wife's busting your balls. You're looking for something to chill out a little bit when you get home. A lot of times they're reaching for the bottle. That's no good for you. Not no more. Grab a soul out of the office gummies. Nice, relaxing, not too much. You're not bugging out and freaking out and thinking the feds are looking for you. You're just chilling, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how out of the office does it. So do yourself a favor. Mellow out at the end of the day with soul out of the office gummies. Yeah, you can buy hemp-derived THC products legally anywhere in the U.S. There you go. Through Soul, baby. This podcast is sponsored by Soul.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And the new out-of-office gummies are the perfectly micro-dose with hemp-derived THC and CBD to give you that any day, that chillin' on the beach vibe, baby. The out-of-office gummies help you get that much-needed me time. And at the end of the day or during the day, whatever you do, they're convenient and delicious. And right now, this holiday season, give the gift of soul.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Head to GetSoul.com and use the code GARBAGE for 30% off your order. That's a lot of gummies. That's 30% off your order using the code GARBAGE. One last time, GetSoul.com, code GARBAGE for 30% off. Do it. Do it. Adam and Eve, Kippy. Put your wiener in something. Put something in your butt. Let's go. Talking about ho, ho, ho, gang. You want something coming down the chimney or going up the chimney?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get yourself over to Adam and Eve and get yourself straightened out. It's almost 2025, gang. Let's have a little fucking fun. Adam and Eve, number one, baby. Number one. Let's get weird. Let's do it. Listen, if you're in a new relationship, it's good. If you're in an old relationship, it's even better. If you like to party by yourself, they got you covered.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Edible panties, sex swing, dildos, vibrators. Butt plugs. Whatever. Tally whackers. Get them all. Yeah. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off. Jesus Christ. I mean, they want you to have fun. 50% off just about any item, plus free shipping, which includes rush processing, because if you got to get going, they know. They're there. You got to get going.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
going and more than that they want you to make your life easy with they offer discreet shipping so the neighbor ain't all up in your business that's right uh your privacy is priority plus 100 free shipping with rush processing on your entire order doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast daddy-o just go to adamandeve.com select any one item it could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire um
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Did he have a little game back then? He's a very successful guy. You keep saying that. On the surface. And when I seen him, he didn't shape, dress sharp. Probably did a lot of damage. Yeah, to our family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's that little show where we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, you want to make an omelet, you're going to have to crack some eggs. Um... You're a very charming guy. That's where I get it. Man, what does that feel like to you? You should be the one doing that. This guy's got to do everything for you? You're sitting there fucking chicken fingers in your... I don't know why I'm yelling at her. Because you're an idiot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Can I have more barbecue sauce and napkins, please? Shut up with the barbecue sauce, will you? He turns around. This kid's eating again. He's stepping on his game. Trying to take this broad down. It's a complete poker machine or something. I haven't finished my ranch dressing yet. All right. Okay, yeah. That's my son, Kevin. Anyway, beauty school, huh? Fucking dirt all over your face, bro.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was a 90s thing, though. What? Calling your balls plums. Ooh, right in the plums. In Eastbound and Down, Will Ferrell delivers that. Oh, yeah. I can feel it in my plums. Yeah, when he's fighting with them. I was reminded on Facebook, I saw a picture of this place that I was relatively obsessed with as a kid. It was a restaurant.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Can I have another refill? You have mug root beer here? Smells funny in here. It's called trim, dude. Ew, your underwear is sticking out the back of your dress, lady. Shut up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your dad's in there macking. Fresh splash of Bruton. Sharp. God. They're making love to a chicken cheese steak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
What was the get the crab fries at Chickie's and Pete's? Oh, yeah. I'll close you. Fucking old bay breath over here. Smell like a dock. It's my son muscles. What the fuck? Hey, crab fries. It's my son bunker. I'll do the chum plate special, please. Extra tartar sauce and your number. Oh, man. Did you ever have to do that? Ask a girl. Like, obviously, do you ever strike out?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean like asking for a number is a big swing. We never had to do it because there was social media. I never really put myself in that position because I never had the confidence. I don't think. Did I ever strike out, like proper strike out? I remember one time. The base is loaded. Top of the ninth. Fat ass is up. We're going to need a big show from H. Foley here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's just say they brought the outfield in a little bit. The Cincinnati shift. Bring it in. This guy stinks. Oh, I'm sorry, crab fries. Hey, they're a local delicacy. No, I remember when I was going to community college. There was this girl that I thought kind of liked me. And she had like two other guy friends. And they invited me to this party. And it was, man, it was bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because I wasn't good without the crew. And I was just, I was that guy. I was that guy nobody knew at the party. And I was really overcompensating. I was like going, hey, what's going on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a singer-songwriter. Yeah. Going to acting school. All right, dude. What kind of get my ass beat? I was in some fucking townhouse community like in Abington or Horsham or something like that. Wasn't my crowd. No weed. I think we kissed or something like that when I left, but that was it. I saw her the next day at school or the next week at school and nothing. It's a shame.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Could have been my onion ring breath. I'm not really sure what blew it. Yeah. Man. But I don't think I ever, like, shot down, like, hey, would you want to go out sometime? No. I'm not asking that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Let that happen organically. If you're out and you start kissing. Let's stretch it out over a couple of weeks. Oh, man. All right. Let's see here. This is from Georgia. $10 pizza of the month member. There you go. Is it garbage if your small town has a real life mascot? Ours was a white deer named Snow. They held a funeral when she was hit by a car. God damn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Imagine being the dude that kills the mascot. You'd have to move. Oh, that's bad. That's like, what's the mascot on Parks and Rec? Little Sebastian. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man. So it was a wild white deer. Albino. We had one growing up. You did? Yeah. It was always in the same field. We would see it. And you'd see it a couple times a year. I don't know if I like that. That's an omen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I never knew where it was because I was a young, we just drive by it all the time. And it was a proper airplane. An airplane sat on, a full-size airplane sat on top of the restaurant. And above it, it was the restaurant that had a proper huge airplane. And he turned that into a cocktail lounge. Really? It was here. So I have a picture of it. In the 90s? This was in the 70s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it reminded me of powder. That's a devil right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was a full white one, then like a half white. It was like half and half, like the back half.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It had a white ass on it. Oh, man, I saw a great video of this kid riding this fucking little moped, and he's cooking. He's talking to himself. Oh, yeah, deer hits him? And the deer jumps.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And he goes, what the fuck? Or whatever. Holy shit. He was cooking. Uh-huh. Sure. All right, let's see here. This is a great name. This is from Twisted Schnifter. That's awesome. Jammed up, $5 homie, never have one read. Is it garbage to say how old you are when you're losing an argument to someone younger than you? Dropping your age at any point is... I do that regularly with my nephew. I'm 50.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's talking shit. What do you know? You're telling me? I'm 48 years old. Yeah. You're 11. I'm 25. That's a guy who's got nothing to stand on. I got nothing. I've done it myself, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm 38 years old. I ain't freaking doing that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's different these days. I think we were more respectful publicly to adults. These kids now, they talk shit around their mouths. What are they saying to you? All kinds of stuff. Calling me fat ass, like clothes. Who you been talking to? Nah, just they think they know everything. You know? They have opinions on, you know, world politics and economics and... Which we leave that to you. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
As you all know, we all defer to Henry on those socio-political climate issues. Yeah. Sure. Of course. Yeah. I mean, you're my expert on all that stuff. I read The Onion. I know what's going on. Oh, fuck. Okay. This one's from Free Mammograms. $10 sizzly here. Are you garbage if you get snow off your car by just driving really fast? I'm all about it. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
But there's a law, and you're not allowed to do that anymore. Where? I think in Pennsylvania. It can't be a federal law. I think you have to clean your car off now. Mm-hmm. That makes sense. I know tractor trailers do. Oh, yeah. I mean, they'll fucking decapitate you. What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
If an ice chunk comes off of that, you'd be fucked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, tractor trailers have to. I did it the other day. I hopped in a car to go to Wawa. to get a coffee, maybe a sizzly in the next room.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I have, dude, I walk in there with all the best intentions of I'm just getting a cup of coffee. You got to get a sizzly. And then you stand next to it. They corral you right by them goddamn sizzlies. And if you're there and they're dropping them off when you're waiting there, it's like, I mean, I'm only so strong, Henry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Gang, if you don't have a Wawa near you and you get near one, hopefully it's in the morning, grab a sizzly. Yeah, you know what I do love is when people's first time, because we talk about Wawa so much, Homies and bozos that get to go to them, they tag us in pictures of like having my first Wawa, here's the sandwich, them walking in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Tate Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new addition. She's down in the basement doing a little remodeling. Okay. Panic room. Okay. Good for her. That's from Ecuadorian Gray over there on the Patreon. Is that your plug? Coming up with some zingers over there. I like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Six pack of those. But I was driving the other day, and it was the first fraud. I got in the car, and I was frosted up. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm sitting in the car freezing. You're not an automatic starter guy? I don't have it, I don't think. That one car has to have it. It's like a 2023. I think it's a 2021. I bought it used. Even still. I don't know. I got to check. I don't know how to do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't have a button for it. Man, I don't know what I would do. I do that shit from the apartment. I lean out the window until I hear a double beep. Yeah, I don't have it, I don't think. Fuck that. But I'm in the car, it's freezing, and I'm fogged up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I, like, you know, you start spreading the juice, so I start juicing it. What, hitting the gas? No, well, yeah. I'm revving. I'm redlining this fucking thing. Gotta heat the engine up. Of course. But then I'm hitting the windshield wiper fluid to fucking loosen it up. And which works, but then you start driving, and it...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
frost up again like fogs over and man streaks dude I was I was it was so dangerous dude I was driving like like real bad and I was like I'm gonna fucking kill somebody I'm gonna kill myself do you have an ice scraper in the car nah Put that on your Christmas list. Sure. Ice scraper, a little Rain-X is what you need. All right. Just roll the dice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
He did it into the 90s, which is a very like. Wait, is this in your area? Yes. Bucks County? Yeah, it was in Pendell. What the fuck? Look at that thing. What the shit? Dude, that was a restaurant I would drive by as a kid. How many of those things crashed? That's like an old TWA plane. No, so it's the guy was a pilot. Uh-huh. Jim Flannery's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I've scraped so many cars with such poor equipment in such bad conditions. You know what works great? A CD. You find some mixed. A CD case. CD works better. A CD? A round? Yeah. It's got a real good edge to it. Yeah, it's great. You'd find some... Because you didn't have CD cases because they were mostly burnt CDs and they were in a... I remember using CD cases. I'm not saying you didn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I have as well. Credit cards are the worst. Oh, being there. Using your ATM. Like that, always with a credit card. Always. And he would only do his side. I'm flying a blind over here, dude. I got no eyes. Can't see the ops coming. What's the deal? You frosted me out, dude. He would only do his side. And only the pocket until we got cooking. Yeah, so you couldn't get away with that now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You have to scrape your car, I think. I'll pull you over, give you a ticket. Do you have anything on that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Really? Yeah. I guess I don't know what I'm talking about. It tracks your trailers for sure. For sure. De-ice them things. They have those stations, which are great. Those de-icing stations.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know if I've ever seen one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Maybe I'm thinking of something else.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think you're thinking of a de-icing station.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Don't they have where the weigh station is that sprays something on top of the car? Maybe I'm thinking of airplanes. That's airplanes, the Sprite. You ever sit there and get de-iced? Stinks. Hit you with the blue foam on the window? I don't like that. I don't trust that stuff. No. I don't like that at all. I think it's cool, though, when they have coal cars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
When trains have coal cars, they have stations that squirt water in the coal cars so they don't catch on fire.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not related to what we were talking about. Still an amusing anecdote.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
For all my train buffs out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's Christmas season. I bet you some of the bozos and the homies got their train set up. They're lying on trains. Sure. I missed that. You know you can do it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Can't do it like my dad did. My dad did it great. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
What are we? 40 minutes before he comes in?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I said hi to him when I walked in. Who? My dad. The picture. You say hi to the picture? Today I did. I saw him. I said, hey, Pop. I said hi to my stepdad today, or last night. Where? I got a picture in the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I was, like, doing something. I said, hey, Buck. See, there you go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
What the hell? That's what he would have wanted. Clean your ass. Okay. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Sam J. Two separate coworkers have recently told me how much their vehicles are worth in scrap metal. I used to do that too. I used to use that as my net worth with the loom. Why? Can you do that? What? Wait, you can like Google how much it would be? Well, it's per pound. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm sure you can find out. They like give you, they know, let's just say, I don't even know what a car weighs, 2,000 pounds. But if it's a car, they know the seats and the tires and all that shit isn't, they know they can get like, it's like a couple hundred bucks probably. A couple hundred bucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Can't do that to a lease, though, right? What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's because the car's not working. Yeah, if it's not working or, like, if, you know, you have an old car that no one really... Take it to the junkyard. Yeah, you take it to the junkyard and they go, yeah, weigh it and we'll just give you, like, fucking whatever. But not, like, taking all of the metal and can probably just go, hey, for the car... Sure. We'll just wrap that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
We'll give you $400 for it. What do they, melt that down? Do they do that shit? They crush them and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
What do they do after they crush a car? I mean, they just sit in junkyards, I feel. Didn't they use that metal for something? I also know, like, you can wholesale a car. If you trade in a car that's, like, a piece of shit, they're like, oh, well, wholesale, where I think they just lump it in with, like, 50 other cars. Like, you buy, like, I'm buying 500 used cars or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
They probably threw it. It was an authentic Lockheed Super G Constellation airliner. Constellation. Known as the Geneva Trader. It's now a 72C cocktail lounge. Dude, imagine pulling some trim out of there. Jesus. A couple of swingers. A lot of Bush. The pilots. A lot of Bush. That's Brian Bush era, dude. I ain't talking GW. Wee. Uh-huh. Glimpse Inside the Cabin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Just scrap them. I don't know what. They send them overseas and shit like that. Yeah, probably.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ever see someone get caught in one of those crushers? Oh, my.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. There's no way out. There's no way out. Those things scare the shit out of me. Mm-hmm. Mm-mm. I saw some dude here. They go in one. Ain't scrapping that. Bad news. One time I was working on a, when I worked at a chocolate factory, I was working on top of the tank and it was open. It was hot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It has to be so hot to keep it liquid. And I remember I was on top of it. It was open. I was like, you know, doing something. And the guy yelled up, he's like, be careful up there. Someone fell in a Nestle or a Hershey or one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And, like, it just, because it's, like, so hot that, like, your skin just starts falling. Like, it just burns off your skin. And I was like, dude, I am not, I'm making fucking $12 an hour under the table or some shit. Fuck this. Man, if I go in a chocolate. See you at Chickie's and Pete's, dude. If I went in a vat of chocolate, think about poetic justice. No, it's the thing you love most.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It finally turns its back on you. You get eaten by a bunch of gummy sharks? All right. This one. Great name. This one's from Ned Gagansky. Long time. First time. Do you use decorate for parties with balloons with no helium? That's a sad thing. I've done that as like a cheap. Do they stay up? No, you got to scotch tape them to the wall. Scotch tape them to the wall. That's not that bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can throw a couple of helium ones in there, too. That's not that good. But if you're doing a sign or a banner and you want to tape a couple to the corners, I'm with that. I don't think it ever looks as good. It looks like you're coming home from jail. You know what I mean? It looks, it's not like a... Good luck, Randy. Yeah, it's like, it's not the best vibes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Have you ever been to a back from jail party? Yes. Really? Uh-huh. I would have called it a party as part of his probation or parole was not. Oh, yeah, you can't associate. Yeah. With known bozos. With known criminal underworld. Yeah. It was a small gathering the night he got out. Uh-huh. What do you serve at something like that? I mean, I didn't serve anything. I think it was just food.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. Hoagie tray. Maybe they were grilling because he got out in the summer. Okay. I remember he was jumping in and out of the pool like a Labrador. Like he was just like, he would jump in off the diving board, get out, run, and jump. You know, like they just get in those loops. And I was just like, dude, relax. Have a heater. What are you doing? How long was he in there for?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
A little under four years. Are you kidding me? Shout out to you, big dog. He's doing great right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know he's doing great. I was just with him not too long ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay. This one's from Tootie's Tall Can. Ever do a shot of gin? He's drinking gin now. Yeah, but gin and tonics is different than a shot of gin. A shot of gin is like... You're about to get the electric chair or something. You're walking to your demise. That's coming back now, though. Kids like gin. I told you that. I'm telling you. I told you that maybe three nights ago. I know what's going on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. What else is going on? Sabrina Carpenter. Oh, man, you won't stop talking about her. She's great. Got a thing for her, don't you? She's talented. Why don't you take a shot at her? That's disgusting. She's a young girl. I'm fucking married. Kidding me? I like her music. You're not married yet. A couple of days. I'm a haymaker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's cool. I like that Timothee Chalamet. But you kind of want to see that movie when it comes out. Bob Dylan movie. Okay. Looks all right. Told you he was in my neighborhood not too long ago. Is that right? Yeah, I told you I was shooting that movie. Some movie that takes place in the 50s maybe. Okay. Him and... Tom Hardy. No, who's the... Barry Cohegan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
In 1967, it was converted to a cocktail lounge. Small combos near the cockpit. Who the fuck was out there in 1967? It was in Pendell, Bucks County. Flannery's is renowned for its fine food and beverage service in Bucks County since 1928. They were back there banging. You'll be flying high at Jim Flannery's Constellation Airliner Room. Ready or not, here it comes. A cocktail lounge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Gwyneth Paltrow. Ooh. Oh, Gwyneth Paltrow's still banging, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
1998. There you go. Yeah. You apologize? Call me a liar? I don't think I called you a liar. I just questioned that I most of... What was she in in the 2000s? The Iron Man? I mean, come on. That's a comebacker. That's a, you know, that wasn't her heyday. I would say that. Listen, I don't have the facts. Relax. Give me her videology, filmology. I don't know why... Go to IMBD. Give me her 23andMe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know why you're taking your personal friends with her and I'm shitting on her. I'm not. I just thought that it was more in the early... Working the industry together. Oh, God. You're intolerable. Sufferable. What do you got, Luke? The internet's so slow. I'm sorry. God damn it. Tutty! Jesus Christ. Tutty stinks. Brock's killing me. God damn holidays. Can't even get on the internet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, so what's she doing in the late 90s?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Bounce, Her and Affleck. I remember that. Shallow Hal, 2001. Royal Tenenbaums, 2001. Okay. Austin Powers, 2002. Okay. Working. View from the Top. I don't know what that is. Possession, 2002, 2003. Proof. I don't know what that is. Oh, wait. Is that the proof? Is that the one with... What the fuck? Why am I drawing a blank? Gladiator. Russell Crowe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Where he goes and gets her, they end up falling in love. That does not... No, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal. Yeah, I mean, late 90s into the 2000s for sure. Okay. I mean, mid-90s, Miss Parker, Flesh and Bone, Mal, these are all like fucking... All stuff you would do. If I had the body, sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's see. We got time for one or two more here. This one's from David Savage. Are you garbage if you use the beach chair inside next to a fireplace? God damn, you are jammed up, dude. Chilling, dude. That's fucking cold chilling. I like it. That is a fun thing. If it's one of the lower ones, that's a little loungy. You're closer to the fireplace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to be close to the fire to enjoy it. I like that. I'm with it. The couch and the chair are always too far away. You set the place on fire. You know? Set the place on fire? If you had the couch too close to the fireplace. Yeah, it'd also be a weird interior design to have the couch next to the fireplace. Boxing everybody else out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know what's always real crazy that blew my mind and anytime I still see it now? The fireplace that you can see from two rooms. They would have it in, like, a rich guy's bedroom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can, like, walk in and it's there, and then you can, like, walk around it. Yeah. That's all right. That's a little bit of K-E-G. Yeah, man. There's snow falling outside in a wooded area with that. You got ceiling-to-floor windows. We had the coal stove.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, looking in the hell. We were burning straight door flame logs. How you doing? All right, we got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. Happy holidays again. Yes. And we'll see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it an authentic airplane or is it an authentic airplane that's really a cocktail lounge? Man, the marketing back then. Either way, you're up and away at Jim Flannery's Constellation Room. Cocktails, entertainment, nightly. The best prime beef and seafood that'll really be flying high. Wow. Look at that, though. Prime beef. That's not even a thing. I know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And they spelled seafood two different words. That's awesome. Yeah, look at that fucking... Dude, I used to drive by it as a kid, and I'd be like, this is the craziest fucking thing ever. You never went in there? Your old man never took you in there? He wasn't trying to close you. Yeah. I mean, dude, you're up there having... You put on something decent. Maybe he'd take you over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Couple of fucking beef eater up there or something like that. Oh, yeah. That was... That was prime closing. Imagine the cocktail onion. Imagine the fucking gigolos and stuff that were in that place. So how'd you get up there? See, there's a spiral staircase that leads up to it was a full. It's and then that's dangerous. So the guy was a World War Two pilot. I found out. OK, Jim Flannery.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I went on a deep dive on Flanny. All right. In the weather recon pilot. Yeah, World War II weather recompile was capitalized on a novelty restaurant. Well, this is what it was, the novelty restaurant craze of the 1960s. Dude, who now would buy a plane and throw it on top of a restaurant for marketing purposes? But I love it. I feel like there is something out there now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I want to say it's in New York, that there's some... Somebody just posted a picture of it where you can sit in the plane and it looks like you're flying around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because I stayed in that TWA hotel. Yeah, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's at the, they have like the interior of a. Yeah, they have the interior, but not the plane. Wait, what are you saying? It flies around. No, it looks like, because it has like screens outside the window. You look like you're in the air. Some people we know were just in it. It looks real nice. No? I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I've never... I feel like that shit's coming back. I'm more of a Flannery's man myself. That's crazy. Look at... I mean, dude, the town came out to watch it get put in. That's kind of... That's Pendell. Pendell ain't a great area. Man, look at that dirtbag in the fucking jean shorts. The jean shorts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's fun. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. Speaking of fun, he is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world because it's coming up on Christmas bonus time. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. I don't like you painting this thing that I give you a paycheck or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Two guys with no shirts on and jean shorts. The airplane diner. That's what I remember it as. It turned into the airplane diner. Okay, that makes sense. And I remember going, can we fucking go in there? And it never took you, huh? It never fucking took me. Right, a weight limit. That little bastard bringing the whole thing down. We're not going to get up. He's pulling on the yoke.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's having flashbacks. I'm asking for more dinner rolls. Man. Yeah. Insane. One of the homies sent me a link to a YouTube video of all old shit, all old franchises that are closed down now. A lot of them had the gimmicks. It was the Yankee Doodle Band. You had to get the newspaper to write about you. It's like very Jackie Moon from Tropic Thunder.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. You had to fucking create a buzz.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. What a fucking marketing genius.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got a lot of coke involved in this, too, I think.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Figuring that out. Yeah, I was like, damn, dude. It's not still there. It's not still there. They took it and they sold it or gave it to the Museum of Aviation. Sold it to the Iranians or something like that. Good luck. Smells like old beef in there. There's still a couple of line cooks in the back. What the hell? No, so apparently the inside of it, the cockpit was never changed. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
So it was still original, and the museum was like, this is the only lasting one of these. Wow. Yeah. A Constellation. They were big back in the day. Yeah. If you watched Aviator. Oh, is that the one? It was the Lockheed Constellation. I feel like that might have been Howard Hughes that made that, or he had the other one. Can you get in on that? Who made the Constellation?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
It looks like the one from that movie, but I don't fucking know. Yeah. There was two big planes. Or maybe I'm thinking of the C-17. Lockheed. Lockheed, right. Who designed it? Does it say who designed it? I thought, what's his name? Fred Turner. Howard Hughes. Fred Turner. Who's Fred Turner? Leonardo DiCaprio. Fred Turner's Ray Kroc's second man in charge. You've been watching The Fountain.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which is crazy what that guy did. Crazy. Yeah, that movie gives me so much anxiety. Watching this freak show. Oh, man. Closing all kinds of ass out there in L.A., though. A lot of broads. Tighten industry. Sure. You know what I mean? Fuck a movie producer. Making westerns.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Lana Turner and the likes. Mae West. A couple other broads. Not to be mentioned at 2-4. Oh. All right. That's neither here nor there. We quit screwing around. Uh-huh. I kind of want to go to that restaurant. I know. I'm so upset, dude. I saw the picture, and I was like, because it was one of those things where I'm like, oh, that was a figment of my imagination.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're really spinning the narrative to the fucking homies and the bozos out there. As you do, we've entered Foleyville. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I never knew where it was because I was, like, too young. It was a few towns over, and I'm like, you would see it once every. And you didn't know where the hell you were back then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Everything was landmarks back then. I didn't know what street I was on, but I knew where the little waterfall was. That meant we were close to my cousin's house. Okay. Like a Native American tracker you are. You reach down, you're eating the dirt. Ah, yes. Mexican chocolate or hot chocolate. I see smoke in the distance. Yeah, and I remember I would be getting caught.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'd be like, oh, I remember this. The airplane's coming up. And, man, I would just fuck. I remember sitting at a light just staring at that thing, asking my dad, let's get up in there. Blowing a heater in your face? Which I don't get because he loved diners.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
That'd be a no brainer. Take a kid. Take the kids to the airplane. Shut you up for a little bit. Let you run around. Yeah. I mean, we were the suburban diner out there on Street Road in Busselton. Straight up the middle, huh? A couple of rolling eggs over medium. Bacon's all crispy. I'd do a short snack with a chalky milk that I would spill and get yelled at. Cup of Sanka, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, straighten me up. But that was a great diner because they had the... Jukebox. Jukebox, man. That's a goddamn airplane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know. That's what I'm saying. Get me in that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
To be in there going down the slide and shit. Doing bumps in the bathroom. Funding bags and stuff. For people partying the night before. You got a shoot on? We had the Big Cow in Wilkes-Barre. Don't talk about your mom like that. Which I think is still there. It was an ice cream place. I want to say it was on 309, but I could be wrong. Yeah, Big Cow next to an ice cream spot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which I think it's still, I think it's there. Okay. Ice cream shop's long gone. Oh, it's just a big cow. It's like the elephant in Margate. Yeah, I never knew that. Lucy, you never saw Lucy? That was. It's like a big purple elephant or something. Margate might as well have been fucking. Sure. Kenny Bunkport. I love all that shit. We weren't allowed to look. Kenny Bunkport.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
And obviously, the greatest website of all time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
We weren't allowed to look at it as we drove by. No way. Margate? I went to Ventnor once with my uncle. For the folks that don't know, it's the richer part of the Jersey Shore, Margate. Which I still see houses there, because I'll have friends that go there or whatever, or visit other people. And I'm like, this is like the Hamptons.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm intimidated to go to the Hamptons, just from what I hear about it. Sure, Margate's nice. Even though there's trashy parts of it. Yeah. But, yeah, that ain't, I'm fucking. You're a Wildwood man. I'm off. Old airplane kind of guy. Fucking stale chicken fingers. That just tells you about us, man. Something like that gets us. I've been thinking about it for fucking three days, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
You go over there. You go www.patreon.com. You get all that bonus content, gang. Yes, sir. And a new thing we're doing is you get to the homies are submitting their own tootie jokes. They're two for two already. Got a writing staff. Subbing out your job real quick. I like it. Cultivating artists over there. Is that what you're doing? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was a goddamn airplane. I never got to go to it. Food can suck. Who gives a shit? I'm in a goddamn fucking bird right now. Goddamn C-130. Fucking coming in hot. What if they let you go up and fuck with the cockpit as a kid? I don't think fuck with it. Can't be out there with a hammer. Just fucking. True. It didn't start or nothing, right? That'd be dangerous. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Could be in there flipping switches. Yeah, I don't think it's... I mean, what, are you going to fly? What? Take off down Route 1? Watch out! I got my permit. That's the weather. All right, let's get to it, gang. This is a family episode, as you know. Submit your questions on Patreon. You can have it read by Captain Kevin Ryan, everybody. Officer Doofy. All right, let's see here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one's from Peaches. Long-time listener and question asker. Peaches is all right. Peaches can get you good weed, I think, too. That's my boy. I had a boy, Peaches, in college. Had good weed, now that I think about it. Where'd he get that name from? I don't know. It was one of those things where he's a little edgy. It was like a tough kid with a sweet name. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was like, you know, like calling a fat guy tiny or whatever. Fat guy named Tiny's all right. But, yeah, shout out to Peaches. Pete. I forget his last name. Oh, that's good. There you go. Pete. Pete Peaches. I think you used to say, oh, what are you, soft as a peach? And he did not like that. White kid from a real bad neighborhood. They're the worst. What a good plug, dude. Yeah, good weed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're the worst. White kid from a bad neighborhood. Look out. He would listen to rap I didn't even know. I'm like, dude, where did you get this? Troubled home with that young man. The grades not good. Parental supervision non-existent. Mm-mm. No, thank you. One of those kids like emancipated himself. Had his shirt off a lot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Yeah. I know that kid. It was like he was meeting those kids where you're like, oh, you're an older salt. Like, you've lived a life I have not lived. Of course. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's wise, but edgy. And parents have loved you. Well, debatable. I don't talk to my father. A lot of holes in the wall over at Peach's house. A lot of busted drywall. Sure. Dirty carpets. Yeah, but something about Oriframes. Baby screaming from the rafters, Oriframes. Let me tell you this. All people really want out of this holiday season is to see what other people are doing. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Pickin' Up Broads w/ Kippy & Foley!
Especially people that they love. If they can't be there, get an Oriframe. All right? If you're jammed up on last-minute Christmas ideas or a frame or a frame or a frame, you get the frame, you put it up on the counter, you upload pictures. That way Grandma or your Aunt Stacy or your Uncle Mike or Uncle Dave can see what the hell's going on. That's all they want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, he's this red-headed, I think he's a Scottish guy. You might know him. He does this whole thing where he does a PowerPoint presentation. Tall, red-headed guy. I forget his name, but his whole bit is he does a PowerPoint, and he's very funny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, I don't even know if I am. Man, this just got meta.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I don't know. It was a guy, a DJ, an African-American guy from San Francisco, and he just saw what I did, and all the other judges gave me a perfect score, and he gave me the lowest one you could get, so that was kind of a bummer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It was. And I was sort of, I always like taking chances. And I remember I did two new bits that I'd never done on my second outing. Like I did two new bits that I'd never even tried in a comedy club. So that probably wasn't the smartest thing, but I still did all right overall.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Okay. Despite buzzing the lady, which she should have brought you a goddamn soda. Still not garbage yet? No. Or do you wait to the end of the show?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It depends what it is, but peanut butter is good because I do do that. I leave it, but it's so viscous that you can just get a paper towel and go, and it's clean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
But if it's like spaghetti sauce or Thai food where it affixes itself and it encrusts it, then you sort of got to wash it, you know? Okay. But I'll only do it if I run out of utensils. Like if I open the drawer and I go, oh, I got no more forks left. I'll go, I just, I ate Thai with this one last night. Let's wash it. Oh, okay. That's garbage. Am I garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. Oh, yeah, I do. You better believe it, sister. I actually bought my silver. This is a weird story. Glenn Campbell's garage sale is a state sale. This guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Who's Glenn Campbell? What do you mean? He's an old country. Glenn Campbell. I am the linesman for the county. Hello, rhinestone cowboy. I apologize. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I love that stuff. So I bought his utensils, and they're kind of really cool. They have, like, what are those things, rhinestones on them? No, they don't. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It wasn't that much. I think they wanted about 200 bucks for the whole set. Is that an auction situation? No, this is like an estate sale.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
How does that work? Estate sales, it's like a fancy term for a garage sale, but it's more like people with money. They can't say garage sale. So you go to the house. I went up to his mansion, yeah, up in Beverly Hills. That's the only thing I really wanted. I got his utensils. Unbelievable.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Who did I go to? I went to Farrah Fawcett's. Got some underwear. No, this is weird. I don't even know if I should talk about this one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, she was part of my childhood. She was famous, and she did that famous poster with the red bathing suit. Of course. And... As you know, in the end, she got the cancer, and so she had to get a bunch of wigs made. And so when I went to her estate sale, I grabbed three or four of the wigs, and sometimes I'll put on the red bathing suit. Okay, well. Harland after dark. Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I don't think he's getting it. That one can go either way, and I respect it, my man. Right. They each their own, you know? Yeah, and I'll ice my nipples and get them good and hard. Well, you asked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
What do you like? I like chunky now, and then when I was a kid, I dug it more. Now I sort of like the smooth. Okay. Yeah, but I'll go both ways, but smooth.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
There's a jar of peanut butter because I play a lot of sports, so sometimes if I'm not like... You know, if I want a little protein, if I need a kick, I know like I'll just spread some peanut butter on two pieces of bread and then boom, I got some.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
But sometimes, just because I like a kick, and it's going to sound odd, I'll drink a straight teriyaki. A great teriyaki sauce. Take the edge off a little bit after a long day of work. Just right out of the bottle. Suck it like a demented gerbil with rabies. I don't hate it. I love a teriyaki.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, I'm apple juice. That is interesting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Is it Martinelli's? I like the Mott's. Yeah, I'll do the Mott's. I'm a Mott's guy. What about Martinelli's? Do you know Martinelli's? I do Martinelli's too. They usually come in the glass bottle. They're like sort of the champagne of apple juice. I remember I had a pool party once at my house and I invited Martinelli as far as the eye could see.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
i invited will ferrell up and uh you know we had all these people around and as a joke i said uh can i get you a drink will and he i guess he wasn't drinking and i said he said what do you got and i said i got you know this that apple juice and he said give me an apple juice so as a gag i got an apple juice
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
excuse me and i i put all this stuff in it like i put like clamato juice and like milk and i mustard like i just filled it with crap and i i didn't think he drank it so i go out and i hand it to him and he takes a big drink he goes yeah that's my mott i always remembered that it's all right
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. I think it's okay because it shows that someone's trying to be clean. Taking care of the property. Either that or some avatars live in their house. Or a Smurf drowned in the middle of the night. Something. But I think it's fine. Okay. I mean, blue... What it also does is it masks your pee. Yes. So you don't have to look at yellow. You get to look at a nice hue of blue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
So it's almost like looking into a tropical sunset or something, like a Caribbean. And if you blow a conch shell while you're peeing, it really seals the deal. And if I have my Farrah Fawcett wig on. This would make a lot more sense. Yeah. Isn't it hard to pee with an erection, though?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No. He was a comic book artist. He did some very obscure kind of Gen X style comedy. I can't even hear myself. Is that bad?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
In the house? Yes. Or in my house? In your house. Oh, man. You guys. You guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I'm a private guy. You guys are pushing me to the limit here. There's three in my house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, I live on a flat-level house. Yeah, so... Yeah, three, yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, if you were invited guest and you needed to go in there, that'd be fine. I can go anywhere.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I won't know. Trust me, you would know. I don't stand and watch my guests. The homeowners association would be calling. I don't go in with them. I give them the credibility that they know how to do a pee or a movement on their own. But...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, no, what I'd do is I'd do one of those fake Hollywood hugs, and as I was hugging DeVito, I'd squish one out into my colostomy bag. No one's done the wise thing. And he wouldn't know. He would just think there was a caterpillar crawling up my back or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Let's see. How about that? Are his headphones on? I really like my voice. Can you hear us? Yeah, I can hear you. Oh, there we go. There you go. Thanks, Tim.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I already don't know if I can believe him. A sister at a diner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, I like to measure things when I'm walking around. Remember when Jack Nicholson couldn't step over crap? I measure everything. Like, I saw a guy coming at me today down the sidewalk, and I measured the space between his eyes, and it was 11 inches. So I crossed the street and went the other way. Yeah. That just makes me uncomfortable.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Charlie. New guy Tim's all right. By the way, what does it take to become a piece of garbage? I guess I should have asked before I sat down. How do you qualify?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, I like to just sort of... So you traveled with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Oh, yeah. The guy sitting beside me, I was like, sir, I need your arm to be a foot and three inches. Do not touch me. Yeah. That's okay. Everyone has their quirks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
She's working at a diner, and who walks in none other than Nelly Furtado. Do you know this one?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, she's gotten big. Yeah. Nellie's gotten big. And my she she my sister's, you know, she said she's a foodie. She's a foodie. Yeah. And she ordered a vanilla milkshake. And my sister was like, we're out of ice cream. Like, we just, the shipment didn't come in. And she threw a hissy fit. And she goes, I want a vanilla milkshake, B. She called her the, she said, B. Oh, shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
She didn't even say that. She said, B-osh. Oh. Like she said, I want a vanilla milkshake, Biosh. And my sister said, we don't have any milk. And she stood up and she goes, I'll show you what milk is, Biosh. And she pulled her right thunder jug out and slapped my sister right across the face. And my sister came home with an areola mark on her cheek. Looked like she'd been stung by a jellyfish.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
But it was actually Nelly Furtado's giant areolae.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
This is my story, guy. Hey, buddy. This is the story I'm making up. But I started listening to her more because I don't really like my sister. Sure. And she probably had that Furtado tit coming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Furtado, by the way, also a sex act in West Hollywood. Invented by Harlan Williams. Yeah. And the full act is a Nelly Furtado. If you ever want to do the full. Nelly Frappe. There you go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
That's sort of garbage. That's garbage, too. Yeah. Okay. I respect it. Soap is so cheap. Sure. Like, why go through all that stuff to fuse something together? Especially when you've got a brand-new big one right there for you. I mean, that's science. That's how they create new species of trees, by the way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
They actually fuse branches together, and the DNA intertwines, and they make, like, you know, different types of – fruit, you know, trees and all kinds of... That's how you end up with a dire wolf, huh? Yeah, that's sort of, you know, so you don't need to be... I'm sure it's a lot of... You don't want to blend, like, Irish spring with dial, you know, because in Ireland, that's a time bomb.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I just sort of throw it on the shower floor and press it into the drain. Really? I have a drain with all the little holes. Looks like Brian Adams' face when he was 17. That's rude. That's a deep cut. I'm a fellow Canadian. They're called pockmarks. And what I do is I just press it in, and then the water slowly dissolves it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And I hope it goes out to the sea and washes a dirty, fat fucking bull shark. Because they're dirty. You better believe it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. Give an indulgence. But what makes you garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
But think of it. I've done that in the past. What is the function of soap to clean yourself? How often have you ever lifted your foot and washed the bottom of your foot? Never once. So for practical reasons, if you put it on the floor of the shower in its last act before it dissipates, you're actually using it for what it was made for.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You're washing the bottom of your foot, whereas you're putting a chunk in the water of the toilet that has no practical purpose. I agree. So now that's even the classy answer. I think we won that one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And nobody washes the bottom of their feet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
feet have you ever stood in the shower and with yeah so i would say elbows so you're almost doing yourself a favor by stomping it into the bottom of the shower and you're washing your feet you're you're you're utilizing that product to the very very end which is which is classy which is what i'm saying i'm saying the trashier version is to put it in the toilet Right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Okay. So I'm sort of litter heading towards garbage? Yes, yes. You're refuse at the moment.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Oh, it was great. We only crashed twice. Those are good numbers. Yeah, as long as we get here, it's fine with me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No. I've been close. I've been around a lot of skunks in my life. Where at?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. I spent a lot of time in nature. Even in L.A., there's a ton of skunks. Really? I was sitting in my living room one night watching TV, and one came running. I used to leave the door open in the summer, and one came running right in. I'm laying on my couch. It got about halfway to me, and I just went, Hey! And he turned around and ran back out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
But they're an amazing animal because, you know, every other animal in the animal kingdom has some kind of defense. Claws or fangs or teeth. And this is the only animal in the animal kingdom whose main line of defense shoots ass sauce. Yeah. It's just like ass Gatorade. Yeah, just all over you. Yeah, it's like it turns around, shows you its calamari ring.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
They're adorable. Some people have them as pets. They get them de-scented. De-glanded, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. Couldn't get rid of them. Yeah. And that odor is just incredible.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, I grew up in Canada, and we actually had ketchup-flavored potato chips. Very popular.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, so we didn't have to kind of dip stuff into it. A lot of our food products already had it. But, yeah, I think you can overdo it. It's like scrambled eggs, French fries, grilled cheese, and not much else. Okay. I think if you do it on anything else, you're a piece of garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I like to look out the front window, yeah. Now I know why you crashed twice. Yeah, that's probably about right there now. Okay, huh. Yeah, no, I like to sit right up front. I like to know who's flying my rig. I like to know, get personable with the captain, the co-pilot, and just chit-chat. I feel like I'm befriending them so that they're invested more in getting me there safely.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Heinz. Heinz. Yeah. There's that little, people don't know this a lot of the time, but there's this little, on the glass bottles of it, they've got the 57, right? And you hit the 57 and that's what knocks it out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You ever do that when you're doing the 69 position and you hit your partner on the hip? Boy, it gets messy. She throws up on you. Hit you with her glands real quick. You decide.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Let's crack that sucker open. Whoa.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, what else is going to make you dye faster than some nice dye? Figure something out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. Wow, that's sad. Yeah. It'll probably be just as good. It's like salmon. They say most salmon, farmed salmon is white. It's like they add the pink coloring. So you're supposed to buy wild caught salmon. But the farmed stuff is just like a bland color, sort of like this coffee cup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Go ahead. I'm just saying I've never heard of that. The farmed salmon is salmon. I've seen the salmon farms. Luke, you're talking about the salmon farms in Scotland. No, like off the coast of Alaska and British Columbia. They're like coho salmon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
All right. I'm a fisherman, so you can't get it. We're cutting this anyway.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Why don't you fillet it instead? Get Freddy Krueger over here. You can't get around me with any fish stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, but I guess technically, because it's got both names, you could go to a restaurant and go, oh, enjoy the salmon trout. Like they just say it. It's confusing to people like you. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You got to get Harlan to are you garbage. Right. You know what I mean? Like if I'm sitting back in the – fuselage in ambiguity row i call it where they don't know me i don't know i want to be flying with a guy and make eye contact sure and sometimes i even play ario speed wagon i can't take this feeling anymore on my phone while we're making eye contact and i usually get there in pretty good shape
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Not likely. They only farm the fish that are in high demand, like catfish, salmon, things like that. Catfish? Oh, yeah. Catfish are harvested. They have huge catfish farms in Asia.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah. That I didn't know. Yeah. And salmon, they have lots of...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Noodling. Have you done that? I haven't done it, but I wrote a movie about it, and we're waiting to get funding for it. Really? Yeah. I wrote a movie for me and Kirk Fox. Oh, I like Kirk Fox. Love that Kirk Fox. So we were actually just waiting to find out about getting the funding for a movie called Noodlers, because I found it. I'm fascinated.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It's a form of fishing where you use your arm to catch 50, 60-pound catfish in the muddy rivers. It's only legal in 16 states.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, women do it. And you have to have a spotter because the fish are so big. You're standing in the river. The fish can get so big they can actually pull you under. Capfish don't have traditional teeth. It's almost like sandpaper. They have little nubs, these rough little things to grip. Yeah, their arms are always bleeding a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
So when they dig these big cavernous caves in the banks of the muddy rivers and the noodlers walk along and they put their arm in, and traditionally these caves is where the capfish deliver their And so as a protective measure, they lash out and they engulf the arm. And you have to pull these catfish up with your arm on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Oh, yeah. I mean, if you lifted them up, any fish could do that. But catfish also in their... Side fins, the front of their fin is a bone. It's almost like a needle. Oh, okay. So that can cut you and hurt you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, and everyone thought it was the whiskers, but it was the front of those fins. But they're a delicious fish to eat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, usually the water's muddy, so they're just feeling around. They get a sense of it, and then they kind of feel the hole, and they have to guess like any form of fishing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, it'd be pretty weird. And you've got to remember you're talking about waters that are filled with snakes, water moccasins, some cases alligators. Yeah, so it's a pretty fascinating form of fishing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
yeah i i like both i've fished for salmon i've fished for you know giant king salmon and i went i went fishing with henry salmon fishing with henry winkler once believe it or not no kidding the fawns the fawns and then um i also have fly fished i love fly fishing that's a whole different kind of it's all in the wrist it's a whole different way of fishing
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It's a great form of fishing because you're in the fish's element. You're standing in their world in the water. So you feel the energy of the water. And when you hit that fish, you're really connecting. There's a real serenity to it. It's like that movie, that Robert Redford, Brad Pitt movie. A River Runs Through It. Yeah, they kind of. Norman MacLean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, they sort of, in the beginning of that movie and at the end, they bookend it with the serenity and the connectivity with nature when you fly fish. It's a whole different level of, I recommend it to anyone. It's quite a beautiful experience. Great movie too, by the way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
yeah for the most part you you normally do catch and release with with a when you're fly fishing and you use really small little hooks so that the fish have a much more uh higher percentage of escaping it's a real sort of like no barbs it's sort of like the gentleman's form of fishing but it's uh there's a real connectivity to it see
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Classy guy. I gotta give it a try. Despite his three sodas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, there's also a speckled trout. There's saltwater trout, too. There's a speckled trout in the Gulf of Mexico called speckled trout, but there's also a freshwater speckled trout. Gulf of America. Just like there's freshwater bass and saltwater bass. So there is crossover. Okay. Salmon is traditionally saltwater, but when they spawn, they go into freshwater. Tributaries.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
By the way, what a way to mate, too. They just, like, slide up beside their girl. They flap around. They ejaculate and then take off. You've never seen me do it, I guess. Humans did that. My God. Subway would be cool.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
They usually ask. I don't go out of my way, so I'll just, whatever they offer up, I'll say, yeah, give me the can. Or if they don't, I'll just... Because you're trapped on a plane, so you can dung them all day long. Very true.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, the only problem is when you're on a plane, it's precarious. So the more things of liquid around you, the more chance of a spill or an accident. So I just kind of go with the flow. I want the whole can. Yeah, you can dung whenever you want. Dung them up, baby. Yeah, dung it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It's a really weird word. And by the way, it's also a sex act in West Hollywood, just so you know. Fuselage? If you've got enough cash on you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
If they fly too high, there's some Sunkist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, on an airplane, I'm very, I know it's probably a bit of a phobia, but it's like I don't trust. The ice. Just like I would never drink the water in the bathroom on a plane. Of course. Are people doing that? I don't know, but I always associate the ice with it. It's not normal water. It's like gray water. It probably is normal, but I've just got it in my head.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It's like I'll tolerate it in my drink, but I ain't chewing it. But it's probably perfectly fine, but I just got it in my head. It is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
That's what I thought a couple years ago. Sir, they're not making ice on the plane. How dare you? Salmon trout. Get out of here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, no. I don't do the crumb thing. In a regular setting... You're talking to two foodies here. What am I, a chickadee, for God's sake? By the way, chickadee, how egotistical are they? I'm not even sure I know what that is. It's a little bird, and their call is chickadee. They say their own name. Like, how stuck up. I think the whippoorwill is the only other bird.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
They're another bird that says they chirp. They go, whippoorwill, whippoorwill. See, I grew up with a Will Whipper. That's odd. Wow. Who's Will Whipper? Yeah, what's going on in your basement? Holy God. I'm a little freak. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, I did a movie called Down Periscope. Are you fucking with him?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I've played a character named Sonar. Yeah. I was the sonar man in Down Periscope. And he made the same, like that bird named after this noise that he makes. You've never heard of a chickadee or a whippoorwill?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, they're the two birds where their name is their chirp. Like chickadee goes chickadee, dee, dee, and whippoorwill goes whippoorwill, whippoorwill. Very self-absorbed. But there's no other. Yeah, they're very egotistical.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Right. Unless it's a doctor owl. A couple of ornithologists. Ornithologists. Yes. Thank you, Tim. But anyways.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It's funny, on the flight up here, I had to ding the bell like four times because I haven't been drinking Coke all year.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You might want to run a tight ship. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. I might. I mean, that's something I probably would have never really thought about. Really? Welcome to the show. Yeah. I don't traditionally eat the ice out of a cup, or when I'm done, I just let the ice melt. That's it. I can't help myself. Return to its original form.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I had a buddy I'd go to movies with, and he'd chew the ice through the movie, and I just wanted to put him through the wall. Yeah. Sounded like someone digging up ribs at Forest Lawn Graveyard in the middle of the night. That's not right. It's a deep cut. Idiot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yes. Yeah, so if you're just looking for a quick cosmetic fix, why not? I mean, I know bald guys that'll spray the back of their head after their dogs piss on them. After dogs piss on them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I got ice. You got an ice maker? You live it on a plane?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I actually have a cyber truck. You hit the horn and crushed ice comes out. Yeah. I didn't know they had that feature. Yeah. Stainless steel fridges on wheels. If they're market mods. I vandalized a cyber truck the other day. I threw fridge magnets on it. Put a sh. Hung up a to-do list. Put a shopping list under the windshield wiper.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I've only had 10, but on the flight, I sort of broke a little. Okay. It was a morning flight, and so I dung the lady. That sounded wrong. That sounded like a German movie. They threw me off the plane. I dung the lady. But I dung her, and she just sort of ignored it. So I wasn't going to wait. When you get a Coke fix, you need it. So I dung her again, and then I dung her again.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You got anything coming up? Yes, I got... When's it coming out? Comes out on... Two days. Two days. Okay, so if you're in the Toronto area on May 9th, we're doing a sneak screening of my brand new movie that I wrote and directed called Wingman. Okay. And you can come to this sneak screening if you go to my website, harlanwilliams.com, and get tickets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
It's going to be the first time the movie is seen. That's awesome. We didn't know about this. Yes, thank you. And then Jamie Kennedy's in it, Russell Peters, Kayla Wallace. Very nice. Landman and... And then my podcast, the Harland Highway Podcast, every Tuesday. And you guys are in L.A. You got to come. Yeah, we'd love to do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, we'd love. Good. I'd love to have you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, we just finished it, so we're going to go out and sell it. Nice. But we wanted to do a sneak screening just to let people know. I love that. Wingman. Wingman. It's about a demented wingman that helps dudes find and meet girls. This guy is always working. One of the best. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I think I dung her four or five times. Really? Right in the fuselage. That's a lot of dunging.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, we were midair, but she was just sort of, she was, it was very interesting. I have a hat that says, be a good human. And it's a blue baseball cap. And everywhere I go, people are like, you know, they love that. They go out of the way to say great hat. And when I walked in this, this lady, she just went, yeah, good luck finding one of those. Like right out of, and I thought she was goof.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And I was like, yeah, yeah. But everyone, she's like, Just like not like scowling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
That I had to dung four or five times. And so she was just not loving her life, I think. And so I had to dung her five times. Like I dung her real deep. And yeah, so it took her. Funny you brought that up because usually it's dung and done. Yeah. But this was dung and not done.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yes, and that sounds snobby, but that's part of the reason why I do sit up front because it's a bit confining in the fuselage. You're sort of trapped.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, no, it's not that. Amen, brother. What happens is when one person asks for a picture, then it sort of causes a chain reaction. And next thing you know, and it's very sort of, it's flattering, but it causes anxiety. So I just try to sit up front just so I can just sort of have a little bit of privacy. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, I get a lot of that. Sometimes they even sit down, which is, I'm not even joking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I've had waiters where they get so ingratiated with you, they just slide in. And I've had it even when I've been with people. I was at one restaurant where I literally used to go in L.A. to Wolfgang Pox, and I loved it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You feel like a nice restaurant. Foodie's a weird term. Whenever I hear a woman go, I'm a foodie, I go, well, in my day we just called him a fatty, really.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Good way to cover up eating a lot. I'm a foodie, yeah. You look like you're a foodie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I like it if the areolas are brown. I don't like pink areolas on my duck breast. South American duck? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, that's what I was saying. I would go there all the time, and one of the waiters, he would literally sit down with whoever I was with and start talking to us. And the first couple of times, it was like, hey. And then it was, he'd not only sit down, but he'd stay for like five, six minutes. And I literally had to go to the manager and say, look, I don't want to get your guy in trouble.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
He's a great guy. We love coming here, but it's very uncomfortable here. I said, if you don't tell him to back off, we're not coming anymore. And can you just please talk to him in a nice way? We don't want him to get fired. He's sort of overstepping the boundaries. And we went back and it didn't stop. So we stopped going there. No kidding? The guy was nice, but he just had no filter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
He didn't realize. he was really sort of imposing on an intimate moment. Of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, business or with family or friends. It was just like it didn't matter. He just popped down in a real chatterbox, just on and on and on. And we were just like, can we get the scallops, please, guy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, it's nice to be taken out and spoiled a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
No, I'm a big lobster guy, and there's a place in L.A. called The Palms.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, so I would get them to take me there because I thought, you know, studios make $300 billion a year. Of course. You can get a goddamn lobster. So I would ask them to take me to the Palms and get a lobster. And it was really great because a lot of – I remember I went there once and Chris Farley was there eating. I went there once and the guy who plays Freddy Krueger was there eating.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And you should have seen him cut his steak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
He just flayed it. Yeah. Yeah. Robert Englund, that's right. Yeah, that is pretty cool. It was a good spot, and you don't feel bad when, you know, they're whining and dining you, so why not do it nice? You know, you don't get that every day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I didn't care about any of that. I just liked a good lobster. It was hard to find in L.A. See, that's why you're classy. You're right up the middle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I love it. I love it. I went yesterday to Luke's Lobster here in New York. Wow. Really? Yeah, I got a lobster roll. Yeah, I love it. Okay. It's weird because they have it at the subway station. It's a little fast food, to be honest. It's odd to be eating an expensive lobster as a subway screeches by, and it smells like a Dutch oven. It's just like...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
You know, people walking by and you're sitting there eating a lobster. It's very peculiar, but it's like, you know, having an omelet upside down in a helicopter. It's just, like, bizarre. That would be a frittata. Yeah, a frittata.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Well, it was the Palms, but they shut it down recently. Oh, no.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, and they even had my picture up there at one point. Are you kidding me? So I was really, yeah. My manager took me one day, and we sat down, and we were having the lobster, and he just goes, look up. And I look up, and there's my face looking down. The artist would draw. Yeah, that's big. And to me, that was bigger than having a Hollywood star of fame. That's huge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Just to have my face watching people eat was really fun. It's pretty good. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I think it's at a lot of comedy clubs, but my favorite moment... Yeah, there are headshots everywhere. When I was in... Tim's got his head up in the air. Tim's got his head. Tim likes head. I was starting out in Hollywood, and things were just sort of getting going. And, you know, you're kind of a nobody until you're somebody. And near my house, there was a Blockbuster video. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And they had a parking lot, and on the little cement blocks at the front where you pull in, they had people's names. And one day after being gone there for about two or three years, I pulled in, and my name was on the thing, and that made me so happy. That's amazing. It was really weird, yeah. You're in your car ready to kill yourself. You see that, you're like, all right. All right, I made it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
I never met him, but I was fortunate enough to go and see the taping of two of the shows in Burbank. Whoa. I had just moved to L.A. when he was sort of wrapping up. I think he was in his final three years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And I knew that I wasn't there long enough to get on the show, but I thought I at least want to see it. So I got someone to help me get tickets to go in, and I got to sit there and watch him twice, like come through and do it. So that was pretty special. That's amazing. Something else back then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
And then I did Star Search way back in the day, and Ed McMahon was the host, so that was like the next best thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
Yeah, yeah. How did you do? My first showing, I got a perfect score. What? ! Yeah. And then my second showing, I got a perfect score, except for one judge decided he hated me and gave me the lowest score. And so I lost to another guy by like a third of a point or something. Who was that guy? Do you remember? He was a DJ from... San Francisco, and the producers stopped the show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
They came up to me and they said, Harlem, we stopped the show. I go, why? He goes, this has never happened before. We asked the judge if he made a mistake because everyone loved you. And I said, well, what happened? He said, he just didn't like you. For whatever reason, whether my shirt was green or something. So he kind of blew it for me, but it was interesting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Harland Williams Returns!
The guy that I beat on my first round was the guy that ended up winning the whole thing, which was weird because they added up all the points, and he had won like three or four in a row. I knocked him out. But because of his accumulated points, so in a way, I beat the guy that won the whole thing. None of it made sense. And who was that guy? Was it somebody that became famous?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Craig Ferguson!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Adrienne Iapalucci: The Dark Queen
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Adrienne Iapalucci: The Dark Queen
Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Chain Restaurants Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Conversions up to 50%. Conversions. People are talking about it, though. That means way less cards going abandoned and way more sales going through, baby. Listen, we got a lot of guys, a lot of hustlers out there, a lot of suckers. A lot of people doing this, trying to keep the plate spinning, do something else on the side. Make it easy for yourself. Shopify is where it's at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're a Shopify company. If you've ever bought merch through AYG, we use Shopify, baby. It's the easiest. It's businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. I don't know what you're doing. If you're growing your business, your commerce platform, be ready to sell whenever and wherever your customers are going on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Upgrade your business and get the same checkout as the AYG uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash garbage. All lowercase, by the way. Go to shopify.com slash garbage to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get my scarf and lower the lights. What up, gang? Shout out to you. First of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available on Spotify. And the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that bonus content. Yes, you do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You want your loved ones to think you love them when you really don't? Aura Frames, daddy. My mom thinks I like her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Or if you're a bit of a freak, you know, send one to your gal and then, you know, send spread eagle pin. Whatever you want. Whatever you want to do, you can do. It's the frame for you, daddy-o. Whatever you decide to upload is on you. Yeah, it's unlimited storage. All you need is the free Aura app and a Wi-Fi connection. You can upload as many photos and videos as you want year-round.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Right now, you can save on the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com for a limited time. Listeners get up to $20 off their best-selling Carver mat frame with the code GARBAGE. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code GARBAGE. Don't forget to mention that the boys sent you so you can support the show. Terms and conditions apply. $20 off. Use code garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Save on the gift that keeps on giving. Exclusive $20 offer. Carver Matt or frames.com. Use code garbage. Just save and check out. Do it. I was saying you need... I was talking today before you got in here. You need some sort of psychiatrist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm in therapy. I understand. It's going well, actually. You need one. In a perfect world, I would have been a psychiatrist who...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I thought it was the one that came after Departed, no? Jack Nicholson. I don't like Z-Close. See, that's comedy. Everyone got that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I can hear them laughing at home. Not your what you see. I told you that last week. Not your beach bullshit you were pushing at the top of the program. At the top of the hour? This just in, Foley saw a movie. I did see a movie. It'll put you to sleep like this is putting me to sleep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
But that's not what we're here to talk about. There's been rumblings you may or may not have heard. You may or may not have seen a post. The Route 66 special is coming out. The boys. Are doing an RU Garbage special. It encompasses two weeks of us on the road. All the cities we've hit on the Route 66 tour. A tour special. Yeah, it's a tour special.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Ted Turner said no. Is that him? Tina Turner said no, too. She passed. Everyone passed on this thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm sure they made a movie. What's Love Got to Do With It?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Noralink. I am back. Vaginal mesh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think it is. It's mesh. It's like a mesh lining, like a wall. Yeah. All right, we got to pivot. That's Route 66, gang. Zero mention of vaginal mesh on Route 66. I got the big man. Yeah. All right. And also a little bit of news update. The boys are circling the wagon on a conversion van. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're pulling the trigger. I'm just trying to get the loan to make sense.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think some of it's still there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yippee's back. You stink. Damn. What's the Newman line? Whatever. No. I'm sorry. They're on the set of the Merv Griffin show. That stuff stinks. Worse than that suit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That story stunk worse than that suit. Or whatever. Or whatever. And cut that. Cut that. And we're back. Someone's got to be funny on this thing. Luke, I had a laugh track.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
So there's a lot of stuff from the stage from Chicago, St. Louis, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Albuquerque, Flagstaff, Las Vegas, Los Angeles. A lot of behind the scenes stuff. A lot of fucking on the bus, at the hotels. The boys hit a state fair in Oklahoma.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's just because you like your eggies. And when you get them, you don't tell anybody you're getting them. What do you want from Starbucks? Yeah, but you don't say, I'm getting egg bites.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You go, I'm getting a coffee. Anybody want anything? And then 58 orders of egg bites roll in. No wonder there's a goddamn egg shortage. Fucking this guy's eating them all. I looked over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're a production assistant and host. You're really working up the ladder. This guy's playing both sides of the ball over here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You get a script? I had some. My uncle asked me, how much is scripted? I go, we would have to be the show. I go, we'd have to be the greatest actors of all time to make it seem like that normal, natural, and bad, and good at the same time. I'm like, what the fuck? What do you think I'm doing? Do we study Shakespeare?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm trying to get to the fucking program.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got the laptop. The laptop? I thought it was laptop because scientists used it. That's what I thought. A laptop. I still say laptop, but I say it quick enough that no one. Desktop. Laptop. That's a laptop. When they got rid of those towers, that blew my mind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I ordered one at a Best Buy catalog. It came in the mail, and it was on our coffee table at that apartment. I lived in the Heights.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was flipping through like a hard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. And I was like, it was $199. I went online, but the catalog, the little pamphlet sold me. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was a desktop, but the tower was like this big. You know what I mean? A little banger. And I was like, I might as well be Bill Gates with this thing. All you other idiots have a lot. I got high-speed power, and I didn't have internet, so I had to get a wireless router for the desktop, and that never worked. It couldn't make it do those hard pre-war walls. That's all lead paint. Oh, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Go to a couple of dive bars, meet with the locals, really rubbing elbows with the salt of America, with the salt of the earth people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Babe, let me see if it gets... Sure, it'll play your stupid YouTube videos, but can it handle the ultimate 8K 3D? Ultra suck down. Take a little trip to Analville. Goddamn family program we're doing here. You're all of a sudden talking about pee-pees and woo-woos. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I do sometimes think that, like, you know, early, even in, like, the 80s, right? Or 70, whatever. Now you only have to go back, like, to 1400. But, like, think about a guy in the 1200s, whatever, 1600s. He's probably seen... Nine wangs his whole life. Probably saw his dad, his brothers, the neighbors. Yeah. Somebody at like the doctor or something like that. Think about how many hogs you've seen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's got to be in the bajillions. Millions. Yeah. So it's like, isn't that insane? Our brains were never conditioned to see that many hogs bigger than ours. Should have blinders on. You know what I mean? Keep my eye on my own paper. Everybody's got their own desk. Feel like a big man. All right. You're taking us down into, you know, dirty talk all of a sudden.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
A lot of money, but this is why we fuck. Listen. Oh, let's pull the curtain back. We're an honest pot over here. We're not spinning yarns. You know what I mean? Yeah. This was an idea we had, and we wanted to make it look really cool, and the best way to do it was very expensive. And we decided to do it and pass the savings on to you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Part for the long time now that I'm thinking about this. Hold on. I'm about to say it out loud. I know it's wrong. But the sun was out, right? Why is it the dark age? I don't really know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Talk about shutting it down. It's dark. I picture like Alaska in the summer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Give me a rundown of what the Dark Ages are, please.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
What are you, a general? Who says that? Hey, bozo. I'm trying to church it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's quit jerking around here. I was ready for more Dark Ages talk, to be honest with you. I for sure thought it was like another... So it was a thousand years. I thought it was like a big eclipse or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
So that's them coming out of the... The Renaissance is them coming out of the Dark Age. Yes. Well, they all just hopped up for a couple years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
A little Medvedechi on my lip. A little Neospor, a little herpes. Simplex, too, or whatever. Valtrex. We got to get into big pharma. That's what you really got to sell out, get into big pharma. Get a Valtrex. They probably cut us like fucking crazy check a month. We just like every episode we start dabbing it on your herpes. I got a long finger. Just fucking...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, you have a buddy who has herpes? Help him out. Help a brother out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Use Valtryek. All right. That's not paid. That'd be great if that was paid. We just seamlessly slipped it in. That was paid advertising. That's pretty good. All right. Listen, if Big Tobacco's out there, give me a call.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, that stopped in the late 90s, I think. That's all word of mouth. Billboards, everything's gone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. Let's try again. This one's just funny. This is from Loggerhead O'Toole. Ever call shotgun while being taken into police custody? I call shotty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
A cop's got to laugh at that. I mean, if your cop ain't laughing at that. Unless you just killed three people. They're throwing the even end. A little levity changes every situation. If they don't laugh, that cop's testifying, and they're throwing the book at you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, that's a good time. That is an all right. All right, this one's from Jesse. This is a $10 hoagie. Never had one read. Is it garbage if you refer to something that is transparent as see-through? What? That's the dumbest way to say that. And I for sure say see-through for everything. I think I've only said transparent in science class when I learned what transparent was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Transparent and translucent. Translucent's kind of, right? Yeah, you feel like a smart guy. Yeah, like a worm would be translucent. A worm? Like insects, I believe. Gummy worm? No, like insects, I believe, are described. No, like wax paper would be translucent. I'm not saying that's not a possibility. I believe the term is translucent not only for- Jellyfish are translucent. There you go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got on board with me instead of fucking shutting me down. Medici family. Love the Medici. Give me the difference between translucent and transgender.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sony said no. No, listen, we obviously kicked around some ideas of sending to people and stuff like that and what people want, but that's genuinely not what We make content for, we make stuff that we think is cool and, you know, for the fucking army of garbage. And we really think you guys are going to like this. Like we said, it's a lot of fucking on stage stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
A little cloudy. That's, yeah. That's, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
What the hell is this? That ain't class. Speaking of, that reminds me, the first time, I don't know if you remember, I remember the first two-way mirror I ever saw was at the Richboro Wawa. And it, because the office had the two-way mirror out to the floor. It blew my fat ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Call that kid's back. And I remember the way you could look and kind of see through, obviously. And they're counting the money. Yeah, and I'd be fucking, I'd kind of slowly walk by like this to see if anybody would get real close. I'd do this and get real close. Fucking, I'd be, what do you got back there? Ooh, a little fucking Hooters calendar. This is the 90s. He's got a calculator.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. That was like... And whenever I walked in, it was like I was playing a game of, I don't know, can you see me? Can you not see? Am I looking at you? Are you looking at me? It was a game of cat and mouse.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fucking creeps. Yeah. I used to have... I'm a child. The one at the supermarket had a little... Like, they had the front desk and then the little office right behind that. Mm-hmm. And that had the door that was always locked. That's where they kept the safe and the money or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nah, they were... Floating around? They were floating. Okay. Um... And they had that little two-way, and you guys, whatever, 16 hormones were cooking. And the hot manager was like, you have to go in there to count your till. Yeah. And she'd go in there alone, and she'd lock the door. I'd be in there fucking fighting off a snake. It's like every one of my fantasies. The door's locked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Someone might be peeping. It's a two-way mirror. I can see out. They can't see in. A lot of cash laying around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Right? Nothing. Is the can-can sale still going on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
True Work sent us some great gear. Top quality gear. Shout out to them. I mean, they sent us this like overcoat, like this, you know, all weather, all everything. Buddy, you could throw me in the Hudson River. I'd bounce right back and be ready to record a podcast. You wouldn't even know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
True Work. Every True Work product is engineered for maximum comfort, protection, efficiency with minimum bulk or extra weight. I put it on here. You stick and move, right? You can read if you're a construction worker. High performance. Yes. Denim and cotton canvas haven't changed much over 200 years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
True Work upgrades traditional classics by using the same fabrics worn by the outdoor athletes, baby. Soft, stretchy, sweat wicking, soft shell work pants are a major upgrade over wet, heavy jeans or dungarees. Windproof, waterproof shells. I'm talking high-quality stuff over here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a good goddamn time. It's me and the big man fucking, you know, bickering, laughing, fucking doing the whole not catching a lot of heaters. We were still in the heaters at this time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You might never get me out of a Helix. I mean, obviously. Oh, no, that's the mattress here on out. Obviously, we got the promo code, so, you know, you save a couple of bucks. But it's like, I mean, I've never had an adult grown-up mattress that made me, that gave me, I haven't slept like that. I've slept like a baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know, sleeping like a pauper on a used mattress that you found off the G train. Might as well be on a wet sack if you're not chopping helix. Go to helixsleep.com slash garbage for 20% off site-wide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase, plus free bedding bundle, which is two dream pillows, a sheet set, and a mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order, daddy-o.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I might have to go get a new one for 27% off. Woo! That's HelixSleep.com slash garbage for 20% off statewide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase, plus free bedding bundle, two dream pillows, sheet set, and mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order. HelixSleep.com slash garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Technology had changed so, like, you didn't have to, like, ask out in person. Like, there was, like, texting. Like, there was other ways to build a relationship and rapport rather than just going, like, you're bumpy or you're at – I bumped into her at the CVS. You want to go out Tuesday night? It was more like hanging and, yeah, what are you doing? So and so. Like, we're having people over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was more communal, you know? I got you. I mean, were you going out on dates at the time? Like –
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, at 7th and 8th grade, there was already cell phone-ish or there was AOL instant messaging. That's where the relationships were breeding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Just throwing that out there. And we may or may not have all that on camera.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, no, we never... We would ask to skate at the roller skating thing. That would be like, oh, you want to skate? I don't think I ever got shut down, but like... Only you've ever skated with, like, maybe one or two girls or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
They were phased out. I met my brother going to them and me being like, you're a fucking porn star. That was for, like, that was like boogie nights to me. 13-year-old, they were putting cologne on and going to the... Cologne, chains, sweaters. They had to pay to get in. It was like $3 to get in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, it's a good time. We really made it. Hoping with you guys in mind, thinking you guys would really enjoy it. So it's on. This is the biggest thing we've ever done to date. We need you guys to kind of rally behind it. Yeah, absolutely. It's February 25th on our YouTube page. There'll be a link for the premiere. We're going to be in the live chat the whole nine yards.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Are you garbage if growing up you had a small, unsuspecting kitchen knife in your home and a parent constantly tells you be careful with that one? That's the sharpest knife in the house. That's dead on, dude. That is so good. That's the real one right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Be cat one, I'll get you. You got to be aware. It's not the big one. It's that one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, a little paring knife or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, that's a good, that's like a very dirtbag, paranoid, anxiety-ridden warning there. For sure. Be careful with that one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. Get out of there. That'll get you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which, by the way, my mom's got the same set of steak knives and Cutler. Like, kitchen knives, steak knives and kitchen knives, I mean, they got to be older than me. They're wooden handled. The finish is off. These things are getting waterlogged. I love those, though. They're great. They're Cutco. I mean, they might be a pyramid scheme, but they used to put together a hell of a product.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how weathered it is. It looks like it's been submerged. It looks like they pulled it out and they fished it out of the East River. It's old stuff. The little knots have, like, the little, like, rivets have a little bit of rust on them running into the wood. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, that's all I used exclusively till... I gotta be honest with you. As you know, I'm not a... I was never very cultured. I mean, I was... I just used my fork for most of the stuff to just, you know... Get some torque on that thing. So, you know, you get good meat. Yeah, but I would have never. Cut it with a fork. We never had meals where you would get us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That I remember, I'd be like, oh, here's a steak knife.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, never. I mean, I think I just always used a fucking butter knife.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
So what's the entree? Meatloaf. I want a meatloaf. And who's all at this dinner? Just you? Now get out. Now get your stupid ass out of my face. Don't come back for three hours.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Share with a friend the whole. Just fucking let's fucking ground grassroots this thing. Upswell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's just, I mean, that was such a loose list of people. Man, just me, him, and whoever else wants to come. The immediate squad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
My name wasn't on that list. I feel like I'm pretty fucking, I should be at least, let me executive produce the dinner or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, I loved them. To the point where like, that was the only vegetable I ate for a solid seven years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
My mom didn't like beans, so we never, I didn't have any. No, they're green beans, but they're white. I don't know why. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Translucent? No way. It looks like a worm. Jellyfish? No. No. Man, I loved, loved, loved a waterlogged frigging green bean. I'm with you. Yeah, they're good as shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That and my grandma and babs, rest in peace, made some sort of... It's like hooch in the tub. No, she made some sort of creamy. The corn she put out. I don't know if there was sugar. Cream corn? I don't know what. I can't imagine you eating cream corn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think it was cream. I don't even know what cream corn is. Let me get eyes on cream corn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, not cream corn. Not not cream corn, though. It was something, and it was in a little bit of something. Woo! Man going over there. That was all right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, I used to tug my little root to that. I didn't know they made it. That was like the Kardashian sex tape before that happened. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one's from Mid-Atlantic Dirtbag. Great name. It took me so long to learn what the Mid-Atlantic was, too. It's the East Coast. The Mid-Atlantic. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think Mid-Atlantic's Boston, is it? No. I think it's like Jersey to North Carolina. I think it's Mid-Atlantic. Oh, okay. Like it's the middle of the country. Right? Shout out to it. What do you got there, Larkus Batarkus?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Whatever. Mid-Atlantic dirt bag, $10, homie. Couple months in, never had one red. Is it garbage if you pour your salsa into the jar's lid and scoop out the salsa with chips from the lid? Whoa. That's pretty good. Saving the knuckles. Yeah, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can get a better... You can come in from the side rather than the top and try to hook it up like you're moving a couch down a flight of stairs. I respect the move. But I feel...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Keep your fingies clean. But at that point, I go, just grab a bowl or a plate or something. If you're doing that, if you're having the forethought, just roll with.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but I mean, sure, younger me would have done that. I'm at the point now where I'm like, I have a wife who will do the dishes. No, I'm kidding. I'll get a bowl out and enjoy it like a gentleman.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, I'm not going in on it. It's in there. I'm probably not going in on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would just go, I don't know how long that's been. I'm going to grab a new one. Okay. There's also like... Because I have that with relish.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Every night. Enough to have relish on hand. No kidding. Wait, you just went, oh, when you make hot dogs, obviously.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know when the last time you think I bought I'm having in-house hot dogs. No kidding. That's also, like, insane because then you're like, I'm going to buy a jar for two spoonfuls. You just go with whatever else you got, a little hot sauce or something. Sriracha. That's one thing I wanted to ask you. That was on my list of questions I had recently. Oh, yeah?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do you think has there ever been a bottle of Sriracha in Patty's refrigerator? In your mom's refrigerator, has there ever been a bottle of Sriracha?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would bet my mom don't even know what it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
She don't go down the international aisle. You know what I mean? Not going down the ethnic food aisle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I shoot it and it looks at me. No way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Trying to be, yeah. Look at me. Loved it. I just learned about this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
The only hot sauce that ever really cracked- It was Tabasco. That was it. And that was strictly for my stepdad's eggs. It was Tabasco. That's real stepdad. It must have been in there for 15, same bottle, 15 years. Yeah, there was no hot sauce, I don't think, in our house. My stepdad, I guess one of his boys introduced him to Frank's. And that hit probably when I was in early college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Late high school, a bottle of Frank's came in. Yeah, we got it now. And I was like, that was the first hot sauce I really had. And I was like, oh, this is great. And then they started the Franks. I put that shit on everything. That hit. So I then was in college. I became a big Franks guy. Sriracha then as well. Moseyed in, but...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it? Son of a bitch. Give me rank of producers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember someone... Sneaky ketchup. I remember we did a show... Fuck that. This is so uncouth. I did a show where they fed you. It was at a... It was at a... It was like dinner and a show. And the chef was pretty good. That's good. Load him up on pasta before you bring up the comedic stylings of Kevin Ryan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, they gave me twice baked sriracha potatoes. Dude, I had never had sriracha. I'm probably 22, 23, 24. I don't know. I'm old. I'm too old. Wait, did you not know they were spicy? No. I'm up there. I remember I was wearing a sweater. I was wearing a polo sweater that I got at an outlet. I ate these sriracha potatoes and then went right on stage, dude. I was sweating.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay. Well, I'm executive producer. Okay. I'm sexier than producer. Yeah, you would be executive producer. I got points on the back end. What? I mean, we're taking a bath on this thing. Our kids aren't going to be able to go to college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember my neck got itchy. I broke out in hives. My American bloodstream couldn't handle the foreign sriracha.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it hot in here, or is it sriracha? Are you sure I wasn't at that show with you? You might have popped by. You might have came and watched me. I did. I was pretty big in the scene back then. You remember that? Do you remember it was our buddy's show? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was a great show, fun show, and the chef, it was like a small little restaurant, and they would do dinner and a show, and it was like a prefix. You would just go and get whatever they were making. I think it was meatloaf and fucking twice-baked sriracha potatoes. I remember I had a pair of new Chuck Taylors on, too. It was cold as shit. My feet were freezing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I couldn't find parking close to the venue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I may or may not have had socks on, too, and I had to walk like six blocks. This isn't Contra Hawking. I had to walk like six blocks up a hill. Icy conditions. I remember. Saturday night show. Saturday night paid gig plus a pretty good introduction to Sriracha. I might as well be in the Tonight Show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
What's it called? Also, look up how long Sriracha will last. Because I'm, sometimes, mine's been in there a minute. I buy the big bottle, and I go through phases where I'm crushing it. I'm doing it on everything. And other times, I'll go six, eight months not using it. And that thing gets real thin and watery at the bottom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got one now that's like, it might as well be, looks like fucking, looks like Kool-Aid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think I'm probably... How about out of the fridge?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, God. All right, here. Let's see. This one's from Robert. $10 home, you never have one read. Is it garbage to eat Tums in the first grade thinking you're doing drugs with your friends? What the fuck? Turns out later in life, some of them had serious drug issues. That's just like... That's... I thought they were candy. Your parents are bad. When I had it, we're like, there's too much.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're learning about drugs and drinking at too young of an age. If you're going, let's do drugs in first grade. Sure. Same with drinking where we were like, let's steal a beer. We were too young. It was too commonplace. My family don't do shit. Without drinking. Sure. There's not like, it's what time is this? What time are you going? Do you want to stop and get beers before?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's just, it's all drinking. Sure. And it's permeated my life. Mid-Atlantic lifestyle. Sure. But that means that kid's seeing that, or watching the wrong movies or something. You're trying to do drugs in first grade. Not even trying, you're doing it. You think you're doing them. Get your hands on some fucking tropical breeze Tums. That's the good stuff. You ain't lying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm at the age and of the health where I have Tums everywhere. Yeah. I got them in the travel bag. I got one at the house. I got one in the burbs. I make sure there's one down the shore. I make sure there's one at my mount. Like, wherever I might be crashing that night, I can get my hands on little Tumskies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. I'll get you small bags of goldfish. What do you got? Executive producer. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. All right, spin zone. Woo, and we're out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Before I get Barrett's esophagus, then I have Barrett's esophagus. You got to keep an eye on it. It went from, I'm super healthy. I don't want to get this very bad thing to, I have the bad thing. I have a little piece of it, a little bit, which I got to really watch. It's not Bitcoin. Oh, I got a little taste on it. A little XRP? Sure. All right, let's see here. This one, what do you got?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh. I have GERD. No, Barrett's esophagus is- So the GI tract doesn't sound great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, there's certain condiments that if you go, I don't remember, was this last year, six months? Was it a week ago? You just got to start over. You just got to start fresh. Mayonnaise, salsa, queso, you got to start fresh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because those are those things that you only eat when the other, they're only applicable at certain times. Yes. The salsa, the con queso, the fucking, the relish, you're only eating that when you have a bag of chips, when you have the hot dogs. Crazy. That's crazy. Maybe why you have, that's why you have Barrett's, you're doing homegrown hot dogs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hot dogs are meant to be at a barbecue, at a ball game, from a fucking cart vendor. You shouldn't be doing hot dogs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I get that. You shouldn't be. That's not a meal you should be eating in-house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Why? What'd you do? Chopped up your cocaine a lot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You don't have to... No. No one's ever... My wife... Now, some chips and hot dogs. Chips and hot... What are we? Crackheads? That's what homeless people have for dinner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Chips and hot dogs. Potato chips. Kettle cooked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen, stop saying you don't... I like chips and hot dogs. I do like chips and I do like hot dogs. That is not up for debate. I like a big bacon cheese dog. I like hot dogs. I'm saying... I think at 50, you shouldn't be making them for dinner. I think in the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, you still got the relish. We're fucked. We are all over Foleyville. You don't know when you're getting a straight answer, what you're getting, what you're not. I'm shooting you straight. I like hot dogs. I'm not saying to not like hot dogs. I'm saying hot dogs in the house with your wife when you live in New York City.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think if you're single, fantastic bachelor meal of like, hey, I can get these. I can have a meal for four, five, six bucks, whatever it is. Stuff up on them. I'm not saying don't eat hot dogs. Eat all the dogs you want. I feel, yeah, I don't know. It's a trashy meal to eat in-house. That's an outside food. Right? Okay. That's all I'm saying. I think that's a fair assessment. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, you're making me feel like I'm fucking like a John D. Rockefeller over here by saying I'm not frying fucking hot dogs in my studio apartment with my wife and eating a small bag of potato chips. You got a studio? Doing pretty good. You got a railroad shared. All right, let's see here. We got time for one more.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one, this is, has you ever spent the whole day at Disney World, come back to your hotel room with a note that says, remember, Mickey says no smoking inside the hotel room. Ha, ha, ha. P.S. My grandpa crumbled up the letter and said, I'll be damned if some mouse tells me where I can smoke.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, that was me, by the way. Let's all get on the same page.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Mickey says he's going to break your fucking legs. Listen here, old timer. Keep smoking heaters in here. And you have the balcony. That's great. But that, he says, is late. Late 90s is a little late for that. That's right on the cuff. That's when a grandfather, late 90s, you know, I'm smoking wherever I grew up. I've been smoking wherever I've been smoking for 35 years. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm smoking in this hotel room. Late 90s, you were still smoking in restaurants. Yeah, borderline where? No, I'm just saying, yeah. It's like a lot of places were changing at that time. Yeah. Late 90s, early 2000s is when everything started, at least in this area, started changing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
New York was no smoking. California was no smoking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure, smoking or not. Catching. It's a candy store, sir. Catching skeeties. But we got to wrap it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yes, and we're all over the road. The Back on the Block tour tickets are moving. Shows are selling out. And we're doing one run, so we can't add shows everywhere. So get your tickets now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Someone tell me my pin. Yeah, all jokes aside, gang, check it the fuck out. We're really proud of it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think it encompasses, it shows a good... A good version of what we do on the road and our live shows. And one of the cool things, too, is the fans are definitely very profiled in this. The Army of Garbage is very much a part of it as we are. Make it to see yourself on TV there. Yeah, a lot of yous made the cut, I'm telling you. YouTube. YouTube. You can cast that right on the TV there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Chicks don't know the difference. Your parents don't know the difference.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Can't wait. Yes. So check it out, gang. February 25th. Mm-hmm. But all that's neither here nor there, folks. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you sign up for the Patreon over there, www.patreon.com. Don't use the app. I don't want to get into that. But don't sign up on the iTunes app. They're taking 30% of everything. Don't do that. There you go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to tell you, this business has never changed. We're just a couple of idiots who call each other fat and bald, and the next thing you know, Apple's trying to wet their beak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it's a special we shot on the Route 66 tour. It includes comedy from each city, a bunch of behind the scenes on the bus. I'm talking beers, heaters, someone shits their pants. It's a whole thing. Are You Garbage YouTube page. Sign up, subscribe now. Live from here, February 25th. Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No. You know what? It was like $28.99. I don't know if you've ever seen the ads where it's like, it's on you to carry Narcan and learn how to use it. I'm like, it's on them not to do the bad drugs. I don't think it's on me to revive them, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a new team in Kensington, Philadelphia. That's fucked up. It's an amateur hockey team.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I had a little glimpse of it today. I was walking my wife and the dog in the park for a nice little morning walk. You saw me down the beach?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got a little glimpse of summer in the park, and you said, would you catch me on the beach today?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Down the shore. You're really playing with the different meta worlds we got going on here, huh? Sure. More of a. This is like inception of a bad joke. You're bombing in multiple realities over here. Wake me up. Someone throw him in a tub quick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
First of all, we're doing a showdown as short as summer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
AC, July 19th. Tickets on sale now. They're moving quick. We're going to be at the Borgata.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's got more contraption. I feel like I work in a fucking boiler room. She's got humidifiers, dehumidifiers, fucking... Infusers, diffuser.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're the king of the, I heard one thing that's bad for you, so I'm going to throw it in your face, and it'll make me seem like I'm more healthy. You get off on going. Watch out for the seed oils. Meanwhile, you're- I cut them out. You're boofing cheesesteaks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's quit screwing around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You keep bringing that back. It's dry. Get some lotion.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You have to get more lotion. I got the oils.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, my wife will dabble with it. You're a bone marrow guy. I like a nice bone. I like getting drunk at one restaurant and eating their bone marrow because I feel fancy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
Ran away from your boring stories.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
You call a lot. I do. You're my friend. I love it. That's not what he was. That's not what he was saying this morning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
I can't pick up my call. That's what you do. You call, and if it rings too long, you answer with, oh, hey, what's up? What are you doing? You can't answer. I called you twice. That's what you do. You're like your mother.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, whatever. Man. Dude, this one never got into real real. We started in Foleyville. We're going to end in Foleyville. Oh, God. All right, let's get into it. As you guys know, this guy's got me on. I'm deep in Foleyville. I'm covered in cobwebs. I had a dream where a hamburger was eating me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jim Norton Returns!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jim Norton Returns!
And what I love the most about my wife is that she would really enjoy that show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
COPS Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I honestly, no jokes aside, no lying for the ad. I used it last night, and I'll tell you, it comes in a box. It's got like a pump on it. You press it. It's got a bag in it. You fill the bag up with water up to the line. Then you take the little canister. It's like a little eyedropper type thing. You dump that in, mix it up, put the tube. Like a real bug man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, and then you walk around, spray it. It's like, whoo! Right around the edge of your house all the way. I felt like a man. And you're spraying it. Done. Bada bing. Throw the stuff out. Keep the sprayer. You're out in an hour. There's no like you got a bug. You're not bug bombing or nothing. You don't got to worry about the animals. You let it dry an hour. You're good to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's fantastic, baby. Now's the time to protect your home from bugs with Pesty. Go to Pesty.com slash AYG. I wish I knew that prior to buying my own. For an extra 10% off your order, that's Pesty, P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash AYG. For an extra 10% off, do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, the good folks over at Lucy have sent us some free product. And let me tell you, it's like. We're going through it. I mean, when that product arrives, the boys are fighting over it. Crab legs at a buffet. Uh-huh. Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash garbage. Use the promo code garbage. You get 20% off your first order. That ain't nothing to shake a stick at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's a lot. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's Lucy.co. Use the code garbage. You get your 20% off. Tell them the boys sent you. And here comes the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, obviously. And every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Mm-hmm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We got San Fran, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the motherfucking Met.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see here. Let's stay in the theme of eggs. This is a very egg-heavy episode. A couple of eggheads. This is from Taylor Not-So-Swift. Great name. How bad is it if one year on vacay, my dad made deviled eggs in our hotel room with the hard-boiled eggs that were put out at the Continental Breakfast? Oh, fuck. Jesus. Stinky.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I just got the chill. I just got the fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You ever seen that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like sous-viding the fucking steaks and shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And you got to put it back in the thing? I've never made them. I don't know. I can't. I remember my mom would make them way back because she had that deviled egg tray with all the little things. I remember she'd be like, be careful with them in the backseat fighting Danny. We're like fucking, I'm six, he's 11. We're in a full-blown death match.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Biggest show we've ever done. And then Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. Get those tickets. Boys are coming out hard in the fourth quarter of the year, aren't we? Coming out swinging. I got to pay. Holy shit. Right before bonus time. I got to pay for this baby somehow. How you doing? Man, these things ain't freaking cheap.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's not like a dippable thing, really. It is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Are we? That still wouldn't, that'd be, it wouldn't work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hey, I came here and confessed my sins. Not proud of it. And I don't know if I'd do it again. The seed, it's just like that taco sticks in you. It's everywhere. It's bad. It's like garlic in the morning. You're fucked for the rest of the day. It's all my fingers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You taking that as a power move. Yeah, this guy would have beat my ass. Sure. Most broads can, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I feel like all those Eastern European countries all have, like, a lot of translucent vegetables. Hardcore. The color's boiled out of them. It's hardcore, man. It's like a jellyfish looking at you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Probably the year. I know what year it was. It was the year 2020. I wasn't really sure what a poached egg was, and my wife made them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This guy's just good at stuff all of a sudden. Get a pot going. His wife does them. Yeah, why do I need it? I'm not learning how to make it. I thought someone splooged in our pot for a minute. I said, what the hell? I'm not eating this. What the hell is even that? No, thank you. That was like, I was like, nope.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Dirt bowl. Yeah, I was like, that's not for me. I didn't know that. I didn't know that's what was on an eggs benny. Which I didn't really touch. First Eggs Benny I had was at Silk City. It had crab eggs Benny. You're crazy. That was not. I've known about them since the mid-80s. If you thought anyone in my family, Denise was ordering, I mean. Shout out to Tiffany's. We used to go there for brunch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know how people did this. Everything's a grand. You turn around, it's a grand. You need a chair, it's a grand. A chair. Oh, we need a chair for the baby. Baby can't even hold his head up. He needs a fucking recliner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't think I've ever went out to breakfast with Denise ever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, no, we were in school most of the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
My dad. My dad. We went out with my dad all the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but your dad would. Oh, my God. Like every week after. Sit at the counter. After church. Have a cup of hot chocolate while he's having a coffee. Also, she worked every other weekend. So it was like there's not a lot of time. If we're in school Monday. She always made breakfast at the crib.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Zip it. Remember my dad would do an omelet with peppers in it, and that might as well have been fucking alien food, dude. No way. He's like, yeah, like a Western. He would do, like, green peppers and onions. He would do that on a pizza, too, and it ruined the other slices. It ruined it. And everybody knows.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I remember at one point, he's like, yeah, let's get a pizza, half green peppers and salsa or whatever the fuck, ground beef or something. I'm like, dude, you're stinking up my plain sleazies here. The fuck, man? And you're only going to have to do slices. Then you're going to put that in the same bag in the fucking, in the fridge, and that's going to, you know. Cross contamination.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hated that shit. That's brutal. All right, let's see. I mean, hey, this is from Mikey B. My parents told us they were getting a divorce after 30 years, two days before a family vacation. My only concern was if we were still going to Florida. We still had a great time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You know what I'm saying? That's very funny. That's the impetus of my parents getting divorced was Disney. Yeah. It was the morning of. I remember having Mickey ears on, my little guy, and he was, like, tying my shoes. He was like, hey, slugger, I'm not coming today. And I said, you what the fuck? I want that checkbook still coming. I was told breakfast with the characters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
If you want to start buying my affection, you better start now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Still a loser. Sorry. I remember having a Mickey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You didn't surprise me. Sorry. I apologize. Man, it's just never enough.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I thought they were poached eggs. Um, yeah. I would have the assumption that Disney World is probably, like, a crucial breaking point in a lot of families. Vacations are in general. I know, but I'm saying Disney World because that is, like, the kids are hyped. You're not just going to fucking Nana's house in the fucking Catskills. This is, like, we're saving up. It's so expensive.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Finally, it's like, I never fucking loved you. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Get the average cost. I mean, I'm sure we've done this. The average cost of Disney for a family of four. It's got to be, with flights, got to be. Seven grand? And that's stressful. That's not staying on property. You're staying on property. That's fucking 10, 15 grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, yeah, for sure. One of the kids not having fun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I would probably say you get that. You're going down for four days a week. The room, the food, the fucking restaurants, the souvenirs. You're in for $10,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Sweep it up? I shorted the market a little bit. Was able to convert that. I bought some put calls or whatever the fuck they're called. By the way, me and Luke got into a sneaky crypto yesterday. I dumped into it this morning. You got out of it? It went up a little bit. I did. I have six million shares. Baby, that just got to hit ten bucks and everybody can S my D. Wait a minute.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Did you get out of it or are you in it? I'm in it, baby. I'm in it to win it. Yeah, right. What do you mean, yeah, right? I'm in gold. You take out your tooth. Let's get grills. No. Barbosa's got grills. No. He's running around Mexican OT. Cool guys. I got you. I'm taking you to Disney World. I'm not even getting thanked for it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Okay. I don't know. You're setting me up for something. You're setting me up. I've seen the program before. You're setting me up for something. I need a small payday loan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I do now. Still don't touch them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I look gross. What the fuck? Have you not been watching the show for five years, dude? Taking heat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't think that's, go and pay the expensive price. No. Come in looking like a woodchuck. Hit me. Chewing through the table. Hit me up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Why not? I got to wet my beak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got an odd date with the bro. I got your teeth in. I'd kill myself. I'd jump off a bridge before I did that. Why don't you get the dentures? You're getting of age. You're probably covered under Medicaid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but then you put the teeth in like my pop-off and pull them out and scared the shit out of me. He hit me with that. I almost called a fucking one-two real quick. I don't play that pussy shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He scared me to begin with. I was a young kid. He's an old man. If you're going to do it, do it. Spend the money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Who does veneers? Is it just like a dentist? Is it an orthodontist?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Come in here whistling and a wife beater. Okay, I mean... But I'm just saying this is how you do stuff. You'll find it on the cheap. And then you're going to, like, try to get a deal or something, which I respect. No, I want it free. A full deal. Dude, no. I'm trading advertising. No, we're not. Then you have no recourse when it stinks. That'll be all right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Listen, I had a little bit of a... Tell me. Maybe about three days ago, I made some ground beef. Hamburger meat. This isn't trashy. It just felt not, I don't know, something inherently.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, because, dude, you've never, like, you're going to come in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see. This one's from Music Video. When I was five, my mom would rinse out beer cans, fill them with juice for me and my sister so we could pretend drink with the adults. That's... Man. That's a home run. I mean, I don't know if they ever did that, per se, but it was like... It was just such a drinking... And they still are. We just do everything. It's just...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You get a boat, yeah, go out and drink all day. You get whatever, you can do that. It's just drinking. If we're going out to dinner, let's meet at Sarah's, have a couple of drinks, then go to dinner, and then stop at Danny's, have a couple of drinks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We were allowed to do a nip of champagne pre-
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was allowed to do it from 10 to 12, I was allowed to do a six-pack a week. Long day. Quarter keg on a weekend, that's it. Goddamn long division is killing me, huh? One beer ball for the three of us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I remember there were a cop in my family. One of my uncles was a Philadelphia cop, and... I was 16, maybe, yeah, I think about 16, or almost 16. It's July 4th weekend, Ocean City, Maryland. We went over, they were doing a, they do the Knights in Venice, they call it. You know Knights in Venice?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, in Ocean City. It's like a boat parade on July 4th, and each year's like a theme. It's like this one's fucking aliens or something. I don't know. We only went, I mean, a boat parade in Ocean City. That is anti-Denise. So we were we were on a friend or some we were on someone's dock at like a condo association. So like everyone's out there grilling, you know, we're out there. And I'm sorry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So that somebody had to fucking five gallon jug of water ice that they like boosted from somewhere like we got like they came from like a Rita's or something like we didn't. It wasn't sanctioned. It was somebody who'd never had water ice showed up with two five-gallon buckets of water ice. So it's got the 12-year-old's hand in there? I even want to say they were like 10.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You know, like the big, kind of like small trash, you know, like a...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Nah, these weren't. You sure?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
For sure it wasn't Rita's. If it was Rita's, I remember Rita's. Shout out to Rita's. And they were pouring vodka in there. I was fucking eyeing that up. The adults were. And my uncle, who was a cop, fucking blew mouth from fucking 15 of them things. He's going, how old are you? I'm like, 15 or 14. You're like 30. He's like, he can have one. And everybody's like, stop it, Jim. No, he can't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Stop it. Stop it. He's old enough to drive. He can have a beer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it put me on my arse. I mean, I was probably kind of drinking at that point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was drinking and smoking at that point. I was probably nipping away, stealing them from my stepdad, catching a Winston on the side of someone's boot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yes, the good folks over at Harry's have sent it to us. And I got to tell you, my wife's been using it for her legs. Keep the neck clean down here. You keep the neck clean. You do up here. You get those wild hairs. You know what I mean? Because I got to keep it a little stubble to cover the double chin because I'm a bigger guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
But all those other places, whoop, whoop, whoop, keeps you nice and clean and good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They got German-engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharper longer, customized delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2, half of what you pay for the other big brands. You get a five-blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and travel cover for just $6, which is insane at harrys.com. Get the shaving products that always deliver. Get Harry's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Normally, their trial set is $10, but right now, you can get it for just $6. harry.com. Our exclusive link, harrys.com. for the trial set for $6. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It just gets too oily. It does. Listen, it does. Everybody knows this. You heat it off. You burn it off. Well, that takes 40 minutes sometimes. You flambé it. And I don't know if you've seen any of this hamburger meat. It's just producing. It's grease.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Those Winstons. I mean, I used to get his.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
The specs were different. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I thought it was probably to look like whatever paper they used previously. You know what I mean? I thought it was like a, wait, what do you mean? Like on the outside?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think it's like to look textured. Huh. So it looks more like, in my eyes it was like to look like a natural fiber type thing. Huh. Like a leaf or paper. Oh, gotcha.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know. I'm making that up completely. I have no fucking clue. Because it was like, I, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No kidding. Yeah. Like I said, a natural fiber. That must have sucked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Brutal. Oh, that were awesome. There was no guilt. You were a Johnny Cool guy just cranking a heatie. When I stuck that soft pack, he'd be, like, in an engine. Fucking just, you know. I remember one time he fucking sucked a tube and spit the coolant out or something. We were all standing there like, what the fuck, dude?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Those old blue collar guys smoke differently. We're like us. They smoked while they did stuff. We would do stuff. I'm going to go catch you. I'm going to go take a cig break. He's in an engine, not looking up, like, you know, with, like, a ratchet. Burning in your face. One dude, he'll reload in there. He won't even pop out of the hood.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He reaches in his front pocket, pops it up because it's a soft pack, pops it up. He's got the little.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Get some heaters. What are we doing? Boys are off to eat. We had a good run.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, I'm over four months at this point. I can't do it. Celebrate. What? A stinger. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's a big burger. I like them juicy. Talking quarter pound. So listen, I make some hamburger meat. I'm eating lean. Now, what are you doing with this? What do you mean? What are you making? I'm making a bowl that my wife found. Okay. A little bit of a... Man, what was it? There's some peas in there. Okay. There was some sweet potato. Okay. Peas, sweet potato, something else I'm missing here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, speaking of heaters, this is from Cody Cotty, $10 investor, never had one read. Is it garbage to light your bowl of weed with a cigarette because you didn't have a lighter and the guy wouldn't let you use his lighter? Lighting a bowl of weed with a cig. Come on, what are we doing here? I've never, I mean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, because like the transfer of the cherry, right, would stick to the weed, I presume. Because that happens sometimes when you're lighting a cig off a cig.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's in the opening video. Love the cigarette lighter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. You really got to work the airflow in that to keep it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I always felt like a Native American using those, because you really got to work the... You really got to, like, billow it. You know what I mean? You really got to... There's like a flume in the fucking, you know... A flu? What is it? You really got to work the oxygen workings. That's why you're doing them teepees and stuff like that. Waiting for Custer to show up. Come get me. That's wild.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
fucking dirtbag friends I've had who are like full-vegged-out potheads. I've never seen that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I get it because you've stolen so many of my lighters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but I see what you're saying. Then I'd steal it. But you are stealing it. So you are the guy they're worried about. Because you never have a lighter and you steal other people's lighters. So guys go, come on, man, my lighter. And you go, I'll give it. I don't care.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Coming from the guy who never had cigs and constantly stole.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You used to fucking hit me. I always have packs. No, you don't, because you're constantly asking me for heat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's pretty good. Get Philip Morris to sponsor it? They'll be throwing out the cash. There ain't a lot of advertising like that no more.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Now that you're off smoking, you know smoking's bad, obviously. What would the amount have to be for them to endorse you to start smoking and you've got to start smoking again?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I know, but a year, you got to smoke for a year. Publicly, talk about it. You got to wear a t-shirt. You're a Marlboro medium. Is that what you were? You were a medium guy? You're a Marlboro medium spokesperson. Now you're spinning these dangerous things on these kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's it? Yep. You don't even want the cash? Nah. Are you Kramer? That'd be pretty sick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Nothing. A hundred grand, I'd do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Dirty stuff. I'm about to start smoking again for free. Sure. If I could sell it to my wife that it's helping the baby. She wouldn't know. If I was a public spokesperson for a cigarette company?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see. This one's from Chezzy E, Cheesy E, $10. Never had one read. Is it garbage to see a picture of your dad's erect Johnson? He was a carpenter and was showing me pictures of a bathroom he did on his phone. He said, this is the custom vanity. This is the walk-in shower. Whoops, that's my cock. Sorry about that. That's the pocket door we put in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Why is that in the middle of the picture?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
iPhones? I mean, he's showing us. This had to be recent. This is post-pandemic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it'd be like he's in his 20s, obviously. He's got an iPhone. Old silver cock. Well, that's my dad. Well, that's my dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I did buy cheese, but I didn't put it in there. Leeks. Now I forget. Something else. You know what a leak is? Yeah. Okay. Uh-huh. I got one at the house. Fucking drywall is fucked. Yeah, I used to work produce. I used to work as a cashier. I didn't know all the produce. They didn't fucking sell leaks and acne until three years ago. What are you talking about? I had to take a test.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Probably emailed that to everybody in his contacts by accident. Whoopsie. He posted on Facebook.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Don't tread on me. Did you ever see that? I don't know if it's a bit or it's an old meme of the guy on the scale and he's naked. And there's the reflection all from. He takes a picture. It says like 218 or whatever. And the reflection with his little acorn. And then the comment below is, holy shit, how do you delete pictures?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's like good, clean fun at a party.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's like a hazing type thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, I would assume most people have seen their father. Most guys have seen their father's ball bag. Not rock hard. Yeah, hard is crazy. No, I've never seen that. That's my cock.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I think I heard my dad one time say dicker down. I think I told you that. I was like, dude, we are too close. We were all old.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I dicked her down. I'm like, what the fuck?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That was an odd time because my dad had gotten divorced, and then my parents got divorced, and then he was with my stepmom for a long time, like most of, if not all, of my childhood. And then they got divorced when I was an adult. Man, he was probably running through those fucking happy hour local scenes. So, yeah, but then we were also working together.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You are not your father's son. I can tell you that. You see it now. I'm turning into him as he's gotten older.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He had a soul patch at one point. But he was single when I'm... I mean, I'm 23. Danny's 28. We're all working together and drinking together.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So it's just like we're all out. It just got like... I'm like, this is... Weird. We all got to get out of here. This ain't good no more. This is getting weird. Real freaky. Coming up the works. All right. Let's see here. This was from Split Crustedy. My family owns a rundown bowling alley and likes to have holiday parties there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Which, I've said this before, that was the most nerve-wracking week of my life. Some fat-ass fucking guy testing me on vegetables. It's like, hey, buddy, why don't you put the Cheez-Its down and try a leak? You're over at Sylvan Learning Center for two weeks trying to get ready for this? So, whatever. So now I got, it was this morning. We had to be in here bright and early.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
One time during Thanksgiving, they let people come in and play during our family Thanksgiving dinner. Holy shit. That's fucking crazy, dude. Someone's got to get up and reset the pins. Smacking some stuffing in their mouth. Everybody's all tired from the turkey. You got to go reset the pins. Holy shit. That's nuts. That's a lot, I feel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, but hey, listen, you need, it's a small, operating a small business nowadays, especially like stuff like that, like entertainment, destination stuff. All these fucking dorks are on their phones all day. You gotta, if people are coming in to spend some cash, you gotta take you. Plus, you're already there. You got a whole family. All the employees are there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh! Turkey! Talk about a turkey. Oh, damn. That's tough. All right, let's see. This one's from Hulk. Is it garbage to make your parents bring you home a Pub Sub every time they go to Florida? What's a Pub Sub? I'm in New York. Chicken finger sub has a hold on me. They're pre-wrapped, public sub. You can get them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, so you can go get one made. I only know the ones that they have pre-made.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Everybody in the South talks about Pub Subs. Okay. That's their thing. Pub Sub is the public's submarine sandwich. Right. A lot of times you can either get them made or they have them pre-wrapped like they make them every day. They're famous. Yeah, I've never had them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's a lot of, dude, you're putting a Pub Sub through TSA on a plane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We get that. We know you love the hot dogs. No one's pushing back on the hot dogs. Emotional connection aside, that is significantly different than flying food back. You have to understand that. You get hot dogs on the brain and you start judging on a curve here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's like, listen, I'm not saying they're not good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
A Pub Sub is not like a delicacy. You can get a very normal equivalent to that. That's Abe's hot dogs. I get what you're saying. That's a drive. They're going back to town. That's completely different. I know people that bring up a Sam's pizza from Wildwood. I think it's a little. That's what I'm talking about. I'm with that. I'm not pushing back on that. We actually do the same thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm talking about having someone go to a grocery. They're on vacation. I'm going to a fucking grocery store. You're making someone go to a grocery store. The whole thing is they're $5. Find a $5 chicken finger hoogie. Come on. You live in fucking New York City.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You had hamburger for breakfast? Well, hold on. I put some, so I, oh, when I did it, I did some taco seasoning in there. I like that. Right? So then for breakfast, I made three scrambies and I'm looking. Really? And I threw the taco meat in there. Listen. Which, listen, hold on. Obviously, whatever. It didn't feel right. Dude, the second I opened up the container, and I didn't do a thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I feel like I know the name, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, let's see. This is from Adam Gowan. My aunt brings a cardboard cutout of her dead son, which is my cousin, to family function so he can be there, too. I think this is the second time we've heard this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, I understand. I'd have to push back on that. I think there's a little bit of, like, you gotta...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
accept it and move on a little bit you're bringing an urn that's a lot it's like you can you know you can still have them in your memory and your heart and everything like rolling i've never been to a if i'm at a party and someone rolls up with an urn that's a vibe changer just put it in a mantle on someone else's mantle would you keep me in there no no what do you think i'm getting you i got a little pc in the will
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got a piece of you in the wheel? Yeah. Wait.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You smoke it, just get really fat. Hey, try to put on weight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're over there complaining. Hey, someone hand me that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I mean, yeah. Listen, I don't know. I've never been anywhere. I guess if you have the ashes on a keychain or something, you keep that with you. But to come in and go, where can I put Gary? That's a lot. With an urn of going, where can I put Pop Pop?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's strange to me. Yeah, of course. That's trauma. That's trauma. That's what I'm saying. You got to process that a little bit. You're leaving the house. Gary can stay there. Gary can be with you in spirit. Then you get home, you see Gary again. Put him in the front window. Also, that's probably a little too much.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Am I getting a piece of you? Yeah. Do you have a will? Yeah. I got to get that, I guess. Left it all to Luke. Got to get my affairs in order.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Okay. Believe it or not. I think that's good for a guy your size and age and medical history. Now what happens, listen, we do have to talk to JB. If one of us croaks, we got to have some sort of operating agreement of where the shares go. I don't want to be fighting your dirtbag family in court. No, you don't. With them trying to be the co-host and shit like that. They'll be doing my bits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It'll be Patty and her three friends next thing you know. I ain't fucking dealing with that. We need something where your shares and control reverts back to me. Okay. And I'll pay them $1,500 a year for exclusive AI folio.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
public chicken sub pub sub oh god um let's see uh all right we got time for one more i think this one's just hit me this is just funny uh this is from coin star homie great name love it have you ever tried to sing a song to shazam Cut my life in two pieces. Does that work? I doubt it. That's fucking great. I always hated the Shazam people. Turn this up. They're like holding it in the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I just opened it up and dumped, and half of me forgot it was taco season, and I got a whiff of that, and I was like, this feels like I'm at dinner right now. It's too early. Dude, this is like 7.15. This is 7.15 in the morning. I'm eating taco meat. It was bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Everybody would hold it in the car up to the radio. You're like, hey, jerk off. The speakers aren't up here. Oh, what song is this? Dude, shut up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Obviously very impressive. Very.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That might have been Zuck. I think Zuck had a hand in it. Or no, Zuck had a hand in, he had the algorithm for Pandora or something. He wrote that? He wrote Cut My Life Into Pieces? This is my social network.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I hate it if that's a guy I'm thinking of. I don't think so. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Did you ever own Shazam? Did you ever have it on your phone?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Huh. Okay. Zuckerberg did not create Pandora while Zuckerberg did develop a music. Shazam. What? Shazam.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We're talking about Shazam. Hey, can I explain myself? I've already did this. This is what it's like hanging out with you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Oh, God. I'll fucking throw you in the Grand Canyon. No! Yeah. Don't. I'm going to put you down in my basement where all the spiders are. Don't do that, please. I'll be good for no one, I swear to God. I went down the other day. Man, this thing jumped. I had the broom ready to mash him. I had about a four-foot fucking jab at him, right? Like I'm the white knight at a fucking, at a joust.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And this fucking guy, lateral jump, sideways jump, like a bishop. Fucking zing. And I lost him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He went on to the dark side of the basement. Yeah, that's it. I ran right upstairs. Because that means he's mad at you. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't think he'd be able to make it all the way upstairs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I ain't going back down there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It ain't good, dude. It's bad news. Starting your day. Kippy Crunch Supreme. There's too much sodium in there? Something. Something. I don't get it because it's like, you know, it's meat. It's protein.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, we're coming to San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and Toronto. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. We'll see yous on the road. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Really? I think I might have made it. I'm big. If I got leftover ground beef. That's pretty good. I throw that right. You put the eggs, you let the eggs cook a little bit, or maybe I'll even put the meat on, then crack the eggs in there. So it's not really like egg. It's like egg pieces in the meat. I don't hate that. Sprinkle a little cheese in there. Did you top that off? Quarter cup of Sargento.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It's 110 calories, 7 grams of protein. I'm losing weight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Taco omelet. A decomlet? No, but it just didn't feel right. And my wife was on a call when I was doing this. Smells that cooking? Yeah, she hung up the call. She's like, are you making tacos? And I was like, shut up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Holy shit. Yeah, it didn't feel right. Weigh in. Let me know. But it's just something about that taco season.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I agree, but the taco, it's just like, I got to tell you, I'm off today. I got to go home, shower, lay back down, get up, and start the day again. It don't feel right to have taco. I kissed my wife with taco breath this morning. I went off to work, grabbed my lunch pail, and came off to the content factory. More ground beef in it. All right, gang. As the big man said, we got some Patreon queues.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
When you join a Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question all year. This is from Marco Rodriguez. $10 homie. N-H-O-R. Never had one read. Love it. Is it garbage to let your phone die intentionally, like where this is going, while on a date so you don't have to pay for the Uber back home? I'm waiting on that direct deposit to hit, then the broad jam me up with the appetizers. Jesus Christ.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got to say, I've done some dirt bag maneuvers in my day financially with apps and switching from PayPal to whatever, the instant transfer, overdraft.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, but then he can take the bus home. I mean, if you're by yourself and you're poor, you're broke. You're like, hey, I'm taking the subway. It is what it is. Your Friday's to go bag with you, I guess. But in this thing, you go, you would, I guess. Well, the Uber, I guess. So he paid for dinner, maybe. Yeah. Hey, my phone died. He probably had $100, $150. Sure. Because I can't swing the $20.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That's brilliant. Yeah, that's pretty smart, man. Because what I would have to do back when I was... I have a phone charger on me. Fuck! It's not an iPhone 4. I need the old iPhone 4. I think we should see other people. I remember many a times entering my wife's credit card into my Uber account. Oh. I remember standing on third ave. Or no, second ave. It was like second and second.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I was so broke. And she's like, all right, let's get an Uber home. And I was still in the wooing phase at this point. I think I started crying. You see the city. I think I started crying. Really? I was just so, yeah, I was just down bad. Started crying? Maybe not crying. Frustrated.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uh, yeah, that I respect. That's a good one. I guess I didn't really, the times when I was really broke, the Apple Pay and all the apps weren't necessarily. Now you can go, my phone's dead. Somebody get me. You know, which were, I'll Venmo you this week. You know, I'll do that later.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, the only person I would really ever had to do that with was her. She knew I was broke. You know, I told you I was she was buying. We were buying. I was buying her something at a deli one time, like lunch. And I checked my TV bank account. She clocked me checking it. It had like 18 bucks in it. And I picked up that check was probably like 12. So now I'm down to six bucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm down to, like, I'm in double digit. I'm under 50 bucks. That's an expensive chopped cheese, 12 bucks. Waiting on that direct deposit. And then we went out to dinner, so I'm like, oh, let me get this. And she's like, I saw your account earlier.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Probably. I mean, I am a red-blooded man at the end of the day. Kippy here, he's a man. That's a good one. I respect that. I love hearing the new-age tech dirtbag scams. What the kids are doing out there? Yeah, because I didn't have that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They got money. They do, these broads. Hard-working guys pay for everything. Buy $1,000 chairs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You got a helmet on? Football practice. Ah, man. That's good. All right, let's see here. This is from Foley's Osempi Plug. First time, long time, never have on red. Got a banger here, boys. Have you guys ever been to a dry wedding reception on a Friday night? We were recently talking about dry receptions. Yes. This breakfast for dinner. Catering from Cracker Barrel. Over 100 bozos in attendance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What up, gang? Shout out to you. First of all, as always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify. Spotify, and then also the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. So I'll show you garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I cheers the red solo cup of OJ after the best man speech with a mouthful of scrambies. What? That's... Wait, hold on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Taco omelets. And no booze. No booze. Well, I guess breakfast for dinner. I wouldn't want booze, I would say. You could do mimosas, at least. Bloody Marys. Sure. I mean, I don't want to be drinking beer and eating dinner. I don't even really eat at a wedding. I'm drinking. First of all, I didn't know Cracker Barrel did catering. What do you got there? Cracker Barrel breakfast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What's 100 people cost? You got the prices on there? Give us some items there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Waitress from Cracker Barrel? That'd be crazy, I guess. I didn't think of that. Also, you're using Red Solo Cup. They got that game on the table where you're trying to figure it out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I understand that. I mean, 100 people, unless you're like all very less, 70% are very religious.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What the fuck's a pancake taco? I don't know. Let me get out. Is there taco meat in it? I thought I was bad. No, I'm down with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You go over there, you get up to, I mean, you sign up today, you get, I don't know, the past four years of bonus content. We're talking like, what is that? It's like 400 episodes. You get for five, for 10 bucks, you get 400 episodes. That ain't too shabby. Also. What do you got? Back on the block. Poor tickets obviously are on sale right now. You go over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right. I mean, listen. Raise a taquito, whatever you got in front of you. That's a new level of trash. I've never heard breakfast for dinner at a wedding. Cracker barrel. Man. And then the red solo cup. But hey, listen. You know what? These people fucking got it together. They had a party for them. Dry wedding. No dry wedding. Tough. But they're making it fucking work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Or like pre-wrapped bacon, egg, and cheeses or something? Yeah. Then you're on the ride home fucking munching one?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You guys are going to be one of those couples that gets divorced and remarried like three times. Just like the house. Just do it. Get in a fight. Go down to City Hall. I'm addicted to losing and getting it back. That's where the rush comes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
There'd be a couple jeans, a couple of mesh shirts. Sterno trays, meatballs. You got a gap button down that's oversized. Still tags on it. And some Carhartt boots. Someone's going to have a pair of khakis that say, like, 3230 still on the back. He's going to be doing a Macarena with the tag on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
But like Yanni, Yanni, classier, a little classier guy. I mean, we weren't tight at the time. I've seen the pictures.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah. I didn't know that. That was like Long Island Royalty you did. Big time. And he would do Fran Lee's catering hall down on fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Listen. Brace tax. You want to get these broads off your back? You want your ma to stop calling you and nagging you? I never see you. I never hear from you. Blah, blah, blah. Hit them with an aura frame. They don't want the tie or the calendar or whatever. Get them an aura frame. Aura frame. And then you don't even have to be there. It's like you're talking to them. You just upload a pic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Oh, here we are. We're at the zoo. That grandma ain't got to come to the zoo. You got to pay that for that old bird. Plus, she likes your chicken tendies or whatever. Sure. You're saving money this way. Plus, the technology will blow their... brain. They wonder what's going on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Uh-huh. Right now, you can save the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com for a limited time. Listeners get $20 off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with the code GARBAGE. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code GARBAGE. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, it's clinically proven solution designed to help you regrow hair with 282 lasers and LEDs, delivering light therapy directly to your scalp. Think of it as a rejuvenating treatment for your hair follicles, giving you a new look for the spring season, baby. That's what we're talking about. Listen, there's no... There's no beating around the bush.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I've been struggling with hair loss for a long time. I wish I took care of it earlier. I did not. And now, so listen, guys, if you're out there and you're struggling a little bit, you're seeing a little bit, get on it now with iRestore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
In a four-month double-blind study, dermatologist study, participants grew more hair with iRestore laser and LED technology so you can feel confident buying a system with proven results, baby. Give yourself the gift of hair confidence this spring. You don't want to be jumping in a pool with flimsy hair this summer. Get it right. All the broads are going to be running away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
For a limited time only, our listeners get $625 off their iRestore Elite when you use the code AYG at iRestoreLaser.com. That's $625 off your iRestore Elite at iRestoreLaser.com with the promo code AYG. Please support our show. Tell them the boy sent you. Hair loss is frustrating. Don't tell me. So you don't have to fight it alone. Thanks to iRestore. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I don't like the disrespect you're throwing at me or the table or my decorating decision. Derek Jeter wouldn't act like this. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, hoity-toity fucking Alonka Castle. You didn't pull this thing off the street? No. What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Bob's, with that stuff, I've bought a lot of discount furniture. You walk in, you look at something, you go, what's your zip code? You go, hey, enough with the questions. I'm just here looking. They go, it looks good, it holds good price, but then after like Three months. Yeah, it falls apart.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I saw you guys had a bad day. I just got out of the hospital.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You do need a young. So listen, I have, I have been a big fan of history. It is a great podcast. Your hiatus. Definitely helped propel our career. A history hiatus. Shout out to a lot of Patreon funds cleared up when you guys went out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's a guy whose wife dressed him. Put on your boots. He's got his brand new car art boots on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Which they did. Shout out to you. Shout it out. A lot of crossover fans. But you do... Very much as he needs a kippy, you need a, you need someone, you gotta be on a short rope. And Yanni's that, Yanni understands another New York kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I won't do it. I guess they don't mind because they'll go, we'll have a local showcase at 930.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
What you don't know about it, he took off his Birkenstocks to produce the podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
If you got three blades of grass, you call it the country. I'm out there. It's like you're working the fields.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Dude, I told a kid, the most New York thing I ever heard, I told a kid we went up to, like, we went up, like, on a hike outside of, you know, I don't know, like, two hours up. And the kid asked me if we took the one train there. I was like, dude, it's a fucking mountain.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's back door or mini garage shit, whatever you want to do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
It's like Chinatown, buddy. I do agree. I mean, I get that in the front yard seems normal. You'd be like, oh, it is more community. Hey, I'm out here. I'm waving. How you doing? You're passing by. Because in the backyard, it's very by yourself. But that's what the suburbs are. Hide your... Hide your seek of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I bought my first car ever. It was a Chevy Lumina, a 1995 Chevy Lumina. Shout out to Chevy Lumina. Shout out to Lumina. I bought it again. I just wanted to buy my first car. I think it's funny when people get money, they buy Porsches and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
No. There's a certain... Also, I don't roll in a circle where I can pull up in a Porsche. No, I've seen old pictures of you. One of my cousins would steal it. I've seen old pictures of you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah. But I bought, so now I'm at my house in the Burbs. Nice joint, you know what I mean? Yes. And neighbor, neighbor's a very nice, very nice, very big home. Neighbor does. Very stereotypical suburban family. You know what I mean? Guy's a doctor. She's a, you know, home. Stays at home. But she's in very good shape. Very, you know, pretty lady. And I pull up. I'm like, I get the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And it's a fucking proper piece of shit. And now it's just got to live in the driveway.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, it's a tough look. And she's like, oh, what's that? She walked out, and I'm like, I bought the first car I ever had, kind of sentimental, you know, like kind of a bit, you know, having fun. She went, oh. She's like. She's got it backed in like a psychopath. She went, looks expensive, and walking closed the door. And I was like, oh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Well, now I get she knows there's just going to be a piece of shit car parked next to her house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And Chrissy, you can move in. We could be neighbors. A little bit of news. I'm also going to be spending more time down there this summer because my wife is expecting a trial. Oh, congratulations. Believe this guy. So the idea. How far along is she? Fucking leaving me high and dry up here. Four months. Congrats, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
So we're going to be, the idea is, because we have the apartment here, but with the space and just everything is easier in the Burbs because it's bigger. Of course. Is we're going to go there, and then I go, that might be... The last – I don't know if we're ever going to come back and spend more time here. What's the drive?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
One hour is nothing. Yeah, once I see myself living there as much, I go – What the fuck am I going to go back to a one-bedroom Washington Heights for?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You could just keep that. Yeah, get your head out of your ass. Or at least get some hookers. I mean, I could also just get a nicer hotel. I don't need to go to a fucking 270 street. Get some hookers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
No way. I can't do it. How did you know the feedback of the pool in the front yard? Did somebody go, hey, you can't be doing that? Because Verzi's up there. Then Verzi goes, buddy, you can't be doing that. You should have talked to Paul Verzi about that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, it's off to the side of the door. Is there snow on the ground? Dude, it's 55 yesterday.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's what they said when I had cirrhosis of the liver. You don't listen to these quacks. That's a queen's doctor, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Do you think that was a subtle jab at the poppers? He's trying to do you a favor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Gotcha. Oh, you can't have the pool in the front? No. It does make sense. It is more communal. I get that. If you're going to hang out, you want to see how they're paying. You know, and Sally, Demi, the whole nine yards. Yeah. You got to do that in the backyard. That's a backyard thing. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah. Shit. Above-ground pools are the trashier pool versus an in-ground pool. But you avoid the taxes. You look at the price point on them things and how quickly they can be up and running. And the water's cooler and fresher. It makes so much fucking sense. And if you get a guy to build a nice deck around it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I did that. Don't worry. That ain't you. You're 190 pounds. I chipped away at it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They help us keep the lights on at the infancy stage of AYG. We wouldn't be able to do it without them. All plugging aside. All plugging aside. They're real ones. Shout out to Rob at the owner. He's a real one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
If you're not familiar, they have a dual pouch design that keeps everything in one place. They got one for the wiener, one for the berries, the whole nine yards. You can mix and match. You can do whatever you want. Listen, this is the first time I was like, ah, man, if you spend a couple extra bucks, you get a significantly better product. Nice stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You put these on, you're not going to want to go back to regular underwear. It changes your day, whether you're at the gym, your work, whatever. I mean, listen, you can wear these things for two, three days at a time. They're fan-freaking-tastic. But don't take our word for it. Join the thousands of satisfied customers who have made the switch to Sheath. Head over to sheath.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Use the promo code garbage to save 20% off your first order and upgrade your underwear game today. Do it. Kip, we've got to talk about Factor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Because they're that good. Big man's got a control problem. Don't blame Factor. Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietician approved, ready to heat, like the big man said, two minutes. You can throw them in the microwave. I like to be a little chef myself, put them in a pan, frying pan. Heat it up. How you doing? Shout out to the shredded chicken taco bowl.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Got me through a lot of hard, lonely nights. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared. Perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. You can lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto Meals based on a randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto. Results will vary, obviously, depending on diet and exercise. They fill you up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They got over 40 options, over eight dietary preferences to choose from. It's real easy. You can eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash factorpodcast and use the code factorpodcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code factorpodcast at factormeals.com slash factorpodcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
This kid's all, he calls me. I buy a house. We start talking. How's the house going? I go, great. He goes. Best decision you could ever make. Next text right away goes, I sold my house. I'm going back to the apartment.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They seem so nice. Like the house in, which I think is in, I just saw a thing on Long Island. I think it's from, what is it, Meet the Fuckers? No, what's the, Meet the Parents. Yeah. In that one where they're, I don't know if you remember. Oh, that house? That house, that's on Long Island. But that's that old, like, 70s, an indoor pool. You got some chairs around it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I guess if you're rich, you don't got to work all day. You can just hop in there in the morning. The mold factor, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I'm not quoting any medical doctor. Also, you could have just said doctor. The fact that you're going medical doctor means the qualifications are a little sketchy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
She's in the passenger seat. She's got her seatbelt on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
What? Is there a picture of Yanni with a candle in front of it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
All right, let's say you're at a pizza shop, you know, in the neighborhood joint, and you want a slice of pepperoni. Do you point at the slice? Is it okay to call out the slice you want and go, give me that slice? Yeah. Are you okay with that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
We say, well, in Philly, I grew up as plain. You know, you get a plain. Slice a plain. That's what it was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
No. Chrissy Pizza, shout out to them. a buddy of ours now but a fan of the show originally how we introduced an artist he started off making them during the pandemic in his apartment in Queens Action Bronson somehow he made some buzz Action Bronson found him made it and now he like blew up and he's got his own joint out there shout out Chrissy's Pizza boys you will love it Chrissy, hit them up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You hit up Chrissy and he'll go. Chrissy pizza. He'll go, hey, it's very, he'll be like, I can get you, you got to come pick it up at three. No slices. That's their thing. No slices. Pies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
He does three or four different kinds of pies. Looks good. They're great. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I just did it. You got to go in. You say, hey, I'm picking up for Chris or whoever. Like the whole call in or the whole be there. You got to take care of the staff. Boom, hit the staff. Yeah. And I'm heavy. You got to hit him? No, we grease him. You grease them a little bit so they give you the pizza. I grease everybody. I grease them. Hey, I got a taxi. You don't have to do that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
It's also a hookup. There's like a three-hour wait. Oh. And I get it. He texted me, just go. Your pies will be ready right at three. Oh, okay. I thought, like, in a tip jar. He went there once. He's actually Joe Pesci.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I got one. You're on a one-way street. You're trying to parallel park. You're having trouble. You're blocking traffic. How many attempts?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
He also memorizes all the license plates on the block, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
There's also the thing, Joe, you get in, even if you're not fully in, just get in enough to the traffic can pass, and then you can take another shot. Sometimes I've left it like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
The guy could do it, yeah. Dude, I watched a bus going down Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn. It was so tight. It was so tight, and there was an ambulance double parked or something, and he inched, inched, inched. He pulled, he reads out, he's pulling them both mirrors in. I believe it. Inching, bus full of people, inching, inching, inching.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Gets through the whole block as he was watching, and everybody just went. Clapping. I know it. That's the most New York shit I've ever seen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You ride it out. I call it applying pressure. If I see them waiting to get into a spot, and I know it's tight, and I don't think they got the chance, if I think it's a Yanni in front of me, I'll fucking pull up and wait behind you. I'll go, let's see. You got eyes on you? Apply some fuck. Put the heat in the kitchen on you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I don't think she ever- Do you guys live in that apartment where the studio is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They just never – I mean, the one thing that we talk about now is like I have a spot now because my car got stolen, so I'll do a spot. I have like a garage. But before, I would have to – me and my wife, we'd get back from wherever we were – And then I'd start looking for parking. And, like, I just have memorized the spots and the best way to go around my neighborhood to look for the spots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And she'd be like, we'd be pulling up on this. It's, like, clearly a fire hydrant. It's been a fire hydrant for fucking six years we've been living there. And she's like, oh, right here, right here. And I'm like, lady, you got to get out of the car. This is a man's job. I can't do this with you. You're calling out bad spots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Sure. Shout out to Kia Boys. Where did it get taken from?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You know the Kia Boys? No. No? No. They'd be right up your alley. There's a defect in Kias and Hyundais that they can just start it with an iPhone and a USB cable. So that's what they do. They just steal them. We found the kids. I got in the back of the cop car. We drove to the fucking... They were like, oh, it might be down here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
They tracked it because they drive by and take pictures of all the parked cars. So I gave my license plate. They're like, oh, this is under the GWB. So the cop was like, hop in. So I just got in the back. We drove and there was four kids. They were like smoking like, you know, K2 something. They're all just in there all fucked up. They were 13 to 16. So you got your car back then?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, which is nuts. They just go. They didn't even break it. They didn't do anything to it. No, they smashed the windows. They're just in there just fucking around. Did they get arrested? The cops arrest them? Yeah. Two kids got out the back. They got to, and they were like, they'll be out today. They're like, they're minors. These aren't enforceable charges. They'll be out today.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's what it is. But they just go, that's your car. Yeah. On the side of the road, windows smashed, everything. We check it for guns. If there's no guns, it's yours. So you have to just drive it home with the windows smashed. I had to jump my car with a fucking screwdriver and drive it and then go find parking. You didn't miss your spot. You still showed up at New York Comedy Club for your APM.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
The girl was like, I don't want you guys here. I had that happen. The Mummers Parade, a very famed, trashy thing in Philadelphia. Guy just, we're in the streets. Everybody's partying in the streets. Dex a girl. We turn around. She's on the ground crying. We run over, rip him up, throw him up against the fucking wall. There's like five of us. And she starts ripping us off. I deserved it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I deserved it. That's Philly. We were not fixing this. Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That's when they turn on you. Then it's them two versus you. You're like, I can't help this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, of course. It's nuts. But that's what cops say. They're like, the worst ones are the domestic disputes. They both turn on you. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You have a famous offend me with the mayo. He goes to the subway guy, offend me with the mayo. That's how I tell him. That's how I let him know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Okay. Huh. This one's not New Yorker, but I just did this the other day and I didn't feel great about it. Oh, this is back to parking. Have you ever saved a spot? Like say there's a spot out front of the house and your wife's like, I'll be there in two minutes. Will you stand there and go? No. Tell me. Now my buddy's coming around the block.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You're a firefighter's wife. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Exactly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I'll pay a minimum wage for this. You know what, dude? That's such a derp. No one gets to park.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And then you can still go. You can go. Even if they catch you, they go to pull you over, you go, it's my right to fucking press the gas. The other day... OJ Simpson this fucking day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That sometimes throws him. I got pulled over one time, and I was cooking, doing like 80 in a 55. It had to drop down. I didn't know. And he goes, you know why I pulled you over? I'm like, yeah, I was fucking flying, man. I didn't see it go down. He goes... Yeah. I was like, yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'll take just give me the ticket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Like, there's no it's like, oh, you know, I was not going to you're not going to tap dance. Fair fight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
And you go, you get out and you go, whoo, man, never doing that again. Then you do it again. You go, what the?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Whatever. If you're leaving the bar with a lady, you're going back to your house, obviously. I used to. I used to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
That guy's in his own apartment. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Suck my stick. You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Merch. The new merch coming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
I got one that's not. I just happened to this. I didn't feel right doing it. I was on a plane. The plane was getting ready to take off. They're still loading in. I'm sitting there. Is it rude? Bounces off everybody in the room. Is it rude to take a phone call then? While you're like sitting there. You're not waiting to take off. It's boarding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Kali T called me. We were hamming it up a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
No. You put it in your ear. I know, but I was sitting next to somebody who wasn't you. Who was she? You have to watch your, I don't know. It's a more quieter time. Yeah. More solemn time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You got it. And then when you land, do you FaceTime against it so they can clap because the plane landed? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
The buses, we've done buses. You really give a lot of that power to the driver. Yeah. Middle of the night, he's driving through the Smoky Mountains or something. I'm okay with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Nah, he's out. I prefer him to sleep because he's noisier awake. Especially if he's got a couple in him and I don't have a couple in me, he is a tough hang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Guys, we're on the road as well. Get your tickets. Back on the block tour at rugarbage.com. We'll see yous out there. And also check out the Route 66 special on the YouTube page. We love yous. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Talk about a tough hang. New Chrissy's a tough hang. I don't like this RFK poking his nose around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Chrissy's the king of new things. Every time I see him, he's got a new thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
So you think if it's closer than five, if it's two feet, you're going to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Up high Westerns like Yanni or down low Westerns? We went all over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah. But you're going to get the house back, probably going to pay more than you sold it for.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You got to think this interest rate's coming at about 7%. 100 grand?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Yeah, and the Back on the Block tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac, Michigan, March 8th. March 11th, Milwaukee Improv. And then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Fillmore. Get your tickets on eBarbers.com. We'll see you there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
Hey, what's up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now full video available on Spotify. Check that out. Then the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
History Hyenas!
You want like a nice one that you see on like suits or something like that. Yeah, get a fucking nice one. Get like Florida windows.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Saving Society w/ Francis Ellis!
Got a middle distance runner, a president of Nichols College, and then a girl who died in a DUI.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Saving Society w/ Francis Ellis!
Only fans. Print money over there. This is the strongest Wikipedia I've ever seen. They do pictures on their notable alumni. Francis Ellis is not one of them. We got Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, John Adams, Jeremy Lin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
hey everybody out there back on the block tour still on sale gotcha bozos gang we're coming everywhere grab the squad and come out and see the boys talking about stand-up comedy then we play a little ayg with the crowd it's a good time oh baby this summer we're going to be atlantic city then second show added in san francisco portland oregon seattle brea california burlington vermont boston tickets low tickets low ticket alert atlanta georgia charlotte
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He feels that way now. No, I just meant of like when her mom would go and pick up the other students and stuff like that. She was a part of she was a dance mom. She was a teacher.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, and you were the kid. Wow. Yeah, it was dog shit. Kippy, Rocket Money, Rocket Money, Rocket Money, baby. Gang, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel subscriptions that you don't want. It monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You know what I'm saying? You lower the bills, you grow the savings.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I'm going to tell you that again. Lower the bills, grow the savings. How do you do that? You're doing rocket money, dumbass. What are you talking about? Just checking. You got a bunch of subscriptions you don't know about. You're getting banged out $200, $300 a month. You take care of that. That's $200, $300 sitting on your hip. Rocket money get you all straightened out, dumbass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Kimmy, this is Pesty. Take it from the bug man. Take it from the bug man. Do yourself a favor. Get that Pesty. You don't want those harsh chemicals, especially if you got babies, you got kids, you got animals running around. Do yourself a favor and get on Pesty. Kimmy's using it. Listen, they were fantastic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, right. And, gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest here with us today for the first time. Very requested guest here on the podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
God is dancing school. Wait, hold on. You had a bad gang problem at your school?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster. And you might have seen her in, but not limited to, you got corporate, you got the ringers, you got the movie show, you got old dads, drugstore June, hamster and Gretel, you got Kropopolis. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Probably the chick you knocked out. So you got her proper arrested.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
What, for junior and senior year? Makes sense. Notable alumni. Notable alumni. Yes. Okay. I want to ask a sidebar question in the Canadian courts. Do they wear the wigs?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They got her on a leash at the football games. The other team's trying to steal her?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
The tattoo's wild. You have your high school tattooed on your finger. Did you do that in high school?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
voiceover work nothing wrong with it friends who kill after midnight dr phil live the avn awards hosted hello she's going to be in the new season of tires you can hear every week on her amazing podcast steph infection and she's got a brand new special coming out june 24th over there on netflix filth queen give it up for steph tolev everybody Let her hear it. Look at her. My God. Killing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Wow. Let's go back. Did you bring your lunch to school, or did you buy it at school?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It almost made me throw up. What the fuck? Seriously. What's going on with the quality control up in Canada?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So you had to have dinner ready when your dad came home. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
How are you doing that and dancing with the full punk outfit?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
The braids that you get when you go down to Jamaica for spring break?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So that's what you were studying. You weren't studying how to be a clown.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
This would be like a local radio station festival. That's probably it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I've never heard of any of these. Filter. Yes, yes, yes. Filter, like the band? Like Filter Filter? That's pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay. Toronto. So you're into the more alternative scene. Yes. And musically.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I was not expecting all this. I'll tell you that. Might run out of ink on the pen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I remember in the very beginning when we were doing this, I did that for Brendan Sagalow, and he's like, none of those credits are mine. I read the wrong thing or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That's what I learned. I don't think I've ever seen something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Her friend comes in and spears me. So after after the performing arts school, you do an improv and then you kind of get out and head to L.A. early.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You did that route up in Toronto and then moved to L.A.? Yes. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Not bad. It irritates her. Okay, that's good. That's good. My parents are very irritable. You do the house? Decorate the outside of the house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That's not that crazy. Especially those type of sneakers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Was the door on the hinges at this time? No, it was on the hinges.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You want to put that door on now, don't you? The lights are blinking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Are You Garbage is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
How come you didn't go with like a significant other? What about the boyfriend that you beat the girl up for?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That's still my go-to move. Ask my wife. You had us on your side up until then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
There's a good AYG question. If someone, even like someone you're not that close with, All right. Say like you and I bumped into each other at a show and I had a book. Would you be like, yo, you got a good chances? He's got a book. You bump into him. Would you bump into him? Would you give somebody the heads up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She got off. I thought you were going to win that. She got off and handed you the crown.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Hopefully you can subconsciously make them do it. What if my breath was kicking? Would you just tell me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Let's just say, to put a button on it, somewhat of a tumultuous upbringing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's growing back in. All right, so let's just say that. Yes. Let's talk about now a little bit. Okay. Which is unfortunate that we know about the Subaru. Yeah. Where are you living out now in L.A.? You got an apartment? You got a house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
High flaws every day. Sometimes at a show, if you have to lean in, like, hey, you're going up and whatever. Hey, when's the light? Or something like that. And it kicks. You got to be like, yo, you need a piece of snow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
What the fuck is even going on? Who's out getting hammered with their uncle?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I mean, when he talks, shout out to Uncle Mike and Uncle Pat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So he's living in New York and then decides, hey, I want to move LA. You say, hey, just move in with me. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Now, you guys splitting the rent? Yeah. Okay. All right. Because we have a thing about that. If couples move in together, is it she moved into his place? Did he move into her place? Did he bring any furniture? Or did they get a place together?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
When you guys are home together, you guys will have dinner together at the house? Yes, I'll cook. You cook? I'm not bad. You cook a lot? I cook a lot when I'm home, yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Zoodles, zucchini noodles? Yeah. Okay, you make them yourself? Yeah. With the thing and the spiralizer?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay. When you guys eat, are you sitting at the table and eating, or are you sitting at the couch?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's tough. Give us the origin story of Steph Tolove. Lay it on us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You kidding me? Let's step into the bedroom for a second What's the bed? Is it king? Is it a queen?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, hold on. Wait. I have like an indoor air conditioner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She has an indoor. You know what she's talking about. It looks like a robot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So do you have to bring that from room to room as you move around in the house? Yes, I do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
All right, that's not bad. He has a little summer place.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, you do have weapons would be the answer to that question.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Whoa, that's pretty medieval. You have a mace, basically. That's a mace. That's a first.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You have mace. You carry mace in your purse, I would assume.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And you leave them all in there until the whole dozen's done and then you throw it out. That's correct, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You're turning tables. And where are you two shopping at?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Liquor and chicken. Is this like Brentwood Market kind of nice? No. Or is it trashy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay, so it's not like organic fruit at the... Oh, no, I'm eating swill.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
There's nothing wrong with red Solo cups. Is there any milk crates in there that you're using as decoration?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So it would look like an adult lives there, not like a kid out of college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I picked up on the bench and stuff like that. That seems, and the bookshelf, that seems very calculated.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Sounds just like multiple roommates. It took me a second. Who's Susan? You have a Swiffer. Yes. You said you have a washer and dryer in the unit. What's the laundry detergent?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay. Are you a good swimmer? Yes, very good swimmer. You bite your nails? Yes, I do. You bite them?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's very gross. Do you get them done? Like will you go and get a manicure?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
But normally you keep them like that. You don't do the long nails.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Listen, I'm gross. I'm not saying I'm not. Just shocked to hear it from you. Any other things like the hemorrhoids that we need to know about? Athlete's foot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You can drive stick. No, no, automatic. Sorry, automatic. Can you drive stick, though? No, no, no. I tried to learn. It did not work. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Every once in a while, you come across one, like, ah, he looks like a crooner or something like that. Yeah, like those old Navy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Makes sense. You said you're big on flossing. You floss every day?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Are you peeing in the shower? Every time. Do you brush your teeth in there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
When you brush your teeth, if you're not doing it in the shower, are you walking around the apartment or brushing your teeth? No, I'm in there. I'm all the way there. Stay right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I asked her. Oh, you did? I'm sorry. That's okay. I just pictured that there'd be a couple.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Do you ever get dressed in front of the dryer or do you take all your stuff out of there and you fold it and you put it away?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Do you have liquor in the house? Yes. You do. So you guys will make a cocktail when you're home?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And it was empty and you're like, hey, there's a hundred boots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Do you have a sciatica? My hemorrhoids are flaring this. I need a boot. I need a donut pillow. So you have sciatica, you have hemorrhoids. Yeah. And whatever that skin rash is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
What's Bulgaria? That's not an arranged marriage culture, is it? I think it is. Is that Eastern Europe?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I used to make fun of you. That's our spot. Shout out to Olivia and Patty for taking you a nice joint. So fucking good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I was going to have to start doing replacements. Do you dance at a wedding? You lost your touch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Do you keep the butter on the counter at the house or do you put it in the fridge?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Not even $100. All right, so your grandparents settle in Canada.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Who babysat you when you were a kid? My grandma. My mom's mom, yeah. Not bad. Yeah. Any crystal light in your family history? No, I was not a pop as a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Ladies and gentlemen, 101% pure, unfiltered, imported Canadian garbage. You did not disappoint, my friend. No. Fantastic. I will tell you that, buddy. 100% trash. What a story. Thank you. What a ride. Unbelievable. Congrats on everything. Thank you. June 24th. I hope the pills kick in soon. I need pills bad. Good luck with the hemorrhoids. June 24th on Netflix, Filth Queen. Yes. Look at that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Very cool. I love it. That's June 24th on Netflix. Make sure you check it out. Steph Infection. Yep. You can hear that every week. Her amazing podcast. You're on tour. I'm on tour nonstop. Fucking add me on Instagram. Working. You're doing fantastic. We're so happy for you. We love you. And yeah, I'm going to go wash my hands.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That's probably what you were doing in there. Steph Toloff, ladies and gentlemen. Give her a big round of applause. Thank you. I'm trapped. Did not disappoint.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Must have been hideous. Hideous. Okay, so your grandparents get divorced. This is your dad's side of the family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Ace Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That's crazy. Both of them dropped out of high school. They're still doing the same thing that they dropped out of high school for. That's pretty good. And doing well. They're still doing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She just picked up a brand new motorcycle. Okay. One of those three-wheel Johns. Wait, what? You know what I'm talking about. I don't. Those three-wheel cars that they zip around in. The T-Rex thing? Yeah. What'd you call it? Auto cycle? That's what it's called. I don't know. It's called an auto cycle. She's out there bumping DMX, letting everybody know. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I get a vibe in life. That would be like if in America, if like your mom was like a cheerleading coach. Yes. Like gymnastics. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Was this kind of like wrestling where you had to keep a certain weight and all that kind of stuff? Well, I was probably the biggest one out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
But it wasn't a part of it. Like your diet wasn't regimented.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No other vacations. You're not going to Disney World. You're not going to Niagara Falls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Wait, not downstairs in the gymnasium in the church or whatever?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Jesus Christ, you're doing it in there? But I was baptized. Sacrilegious.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
This doesn't make any... Disarranged marriage is not adding up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Your great-grandparents got her at half price? Because she's half Greek? I laughed because I panicked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I feel like I just saw him on the news like three days ago. No, there's another guy that's an American ice skater that looks just like him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Mike Coase is coming at you from right next to me. Confused this week. There you go. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is somewhat of an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I had no idea. That's pretty good, especially in the airport. I respect that. I like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Would your mom pick up other kids and drive them around, like the other students and other dance people? Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
New York eggs. And they're finding out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, you watch my pet snake while I'm on vacation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Paul Walter Hauser!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because if you blow a red light and he follows you, you're jammed up. Oh, yeah. That guy's got your number. Or it's a cop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. So we heard that, too. See, it's got to be. Look up the flashing lights gang member initiation. I think we might have looked this up at some point. It was like one time or maybe something happened in, like, I don't know, California.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No. Touch the roof and say Padiddle? That's what a priest does to you. A little Padiddle action. Touch the roof and say Padiddle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You get all your bonus content, gang. You sign up now. You get four years of bonus content. I'm talking videos. I'm talking... On the road stuff, behind the scenes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like Punch Buggy Yellow? Yeah, Punch Buggy Yellow is pretty good. Man, that caused a lot of fistfights in the back of my dad's Jeep. I hated those cars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe not in the streets of Connecticut, but back where... Come to Bucks County and try that shit. Warm weather hits, gang, and suddenly everyone is juggling vacations, visitors, zero routine. Hydro brings everyone back that structure so you can get quick, efficient workouts, and it keeps you feeling grounded no matter what the calendar looks like, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
The good folks over at Hydro have been nice enough to send us a machine, and I gotta tell you, it's a secret weapon for a full-body workout, and as you know, Kippy's getting into shape. It hits like 86% of your muscles. You got your arms, your legs, your core, all of it, and knock it out in 20 minutes. Super efficient and actually works.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Whether you're training hard or just trying to stay active, Hydro really meets where you're at. It's low impact, easy on the joints. Even a big man can do it. But you still get the perfect mix of strength and cardio. You never get bored. Hydro's got tons of workouts. Actual Olympians that they're filmed in these gorgeous outdoor spots all over the world.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Makes it easy to stay engaged and motivated. And if you're on the fence, there's free shipping, a 30-day risk trial. Hydro offers a full year warranty. So, honestly, there's no pressure. Just try it and see how it feels. Skip the gym, not the workout. Stay on track with Hydro.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
For a limited time, go to hydro.com and use the code garbage to save up to $475 off your Hydro Pro Rower during Hydro's Memorial Day Sale. That's Hydro, H-Y-D-R-O-W.com. Code garbage to save up to $475. Hydro.com. Code garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Foley's first limo ride ever. That was a humdinger of a vid we did. Wouldn't fit now. Nice shirt, by the way. Thanks. I don't know why we're entering the year under these warlike circumstances. It's the Black Kingdom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I would never... My laziness... I respect the move, though. I get it, but I'm just going, my laziness of going, all right, this will turn in like, I don't know, a minute. That's not worth me getting out of the car, forgetting to put it in park, have to chase it down a road. Next thing you know, you're ghost riding the whip. Have you ever done that? What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Screaming. She's doing the gritty next to it. Dude, when the ghost ride and the whip got big, that was all right. And then all those... This was in the 80s. She was ahead of her time. What are you, you know, doing the patty? Teach me how to dougie? Um, I, uh... I forgot I got a loom update for you now that we're talking about shitty cars. So we did the episode in the Lumina before the park show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
After that, went back, parked it, blah, blah, blah. And then over the holidays, I went to take her for a spin. Uh-oh. Couldn't get it out of park. And I'm yanking it. I'm like doing the thing where I'm like, you know, like maybe the wheels got to click into gears, like something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was Fort Wayne, Indiana. Sucker. Yeah. I don't know what to do now. It's still just stuck in park. Oh, you can't get it out? And it's not registered. I can't find the title. Whoa. Things are bad over here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Buddy, I've been with you every day for 12 years. You've never been the guy anyone's turned to to fix anything. I know where the sweet spot is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's in your belly button. Mine is. Yeah, of course. I'll find a Froot Loop in there or something. But yeah, with the getting out of press, I get it. That's a dirt for sure. Dirtbag move. But I don't. I would never do it. The getting out of the car. Get clipped by somebody making a left. Yeah, it's just not worth it to me. The squeeze isn't worth the juice to me on that one. The feeling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I mean, that's pure dirtbag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, we've definitely been in park before, but never. Sure. I remember one time we tried, we did the Chinese fire drill at a, that's when you get out of the car and run around it. It was at a, a train was. College in the 60s? A train, a train was coming. What? Yeah. Yeah, like a freight train was crossing the tracks, and we got out and did it then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is your resolution for 2025 to be me? Because I think that's what's happening. I want to be bold with one eyebrow. That would be better for you than whatever you got going on now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think Vinny's shoe fell off or something, and we were like, what? And then we started going, and his shoe was under the car. I remember it not ending well. Somebody was shoeless. Shoeless Joe Jackson. Shoeless Vinny with the skinning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
We should do one now. Switch seats real quick. Somebody hit the crosswalk button. All right, let's see here. This is even a question. This is from Smashing Blumpkins. Great name. Oh, wow. This kid, he's had a couple of them, I think. When I was a kid, I got my forehead autographed by a Blues brother impersonator at a Redding Phillies game.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Jake or Elroy. I thought you said... I see what you're saying. What one? I thought you were naming famed Blues brother impersonators. I was like, what? Tony Raggioni? Yeah, I'm like, holy... I'm like, how... How deep do you go, Dan? That is trash. That's bad. I've never... Your forehead? Yeah, I mean, where were your parents? You sucked a guy's dick, too? Jesus Christ. It was a family program.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, that's no... At no point at any event, at any age, at any level of my dirtbaggedness would my parents be like, get your forehead signed, or I knew I could come home with my forehead signed. It would be an issue. Get the whole team on there. Yeah, that's like signing a paper. Sign my arm, maybe. Looks like the wall at the comedy store. Oh, because my head's big. I didn't get it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I wanted to ask you this, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It takes a minute. The brain waves got far. Got to cover a lot of ground up there for me to get the joke. That's a man. I mean, that's insane. That's craziness.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was a good time. I know the Yankees. I do remember the first time I went. My buddy Matt's family took me. They're like, you want to go to the Trenton Thunder? I'd never heard of it. And I was like, yeah, it's a baseball. And we went, and it's very small and fun. But I thought we were going to like... A Phillies game that I see on television, not this. Who are these bums?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I'm like, this looks like where we play baseball. That guy works at Foot Locker. At first, I was like, what the hell is this? And they give me a cool little bat. Got to make your own hot dogs. And I got an ice cream. I was like, all right, I'm in, dude. This is all. Everybody gets a bat. Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, that was Bethlehem. Iron Pigs? Iron Pigs. Steel Pigs. I mean, I had to write raw material. Copper Pigs?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would love to do one. Also, you know what's a lot of fun is spring training is a great time. You go down to Clearwater Florida.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get a little color for the summer. We went like 60 of us deep. It was right before my grandfather. My grandfather, big Phil's guy, would listen to the game, would listen to all the games. And he was getting to the age where he couldn't fly. Like, it was, you know, I mean, he lived to like 96, I think. But this is probably. Really? Yeah, this is probably 15 years ago. Yeah, so he's probably 80.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
And they're like, you ain't got that many flights left. You know what I mean? So we loaded them up. We all went down. The whole family. Every active family member went down. No kidding. Yeah, it was probably about 12 years ago. Went down and, man. Can we go? Let's go. The Sullivans invaded Clearwater, Florida. Probably something like a month or so. Spring training. Yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Probably March, right, it starts? I think February.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I don't think that's, I think it's probably pretty strenuous.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can do all that stuff in your apartment.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. You know what I mean? Maybe sink your hooks into a new rookie or something. Maybe he's got a good year. Dude hits it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know how it works. You're just down there flirting with all the guys. We go down for a game in March. You're in the outfield. Hey, Harper. I'll suck your dick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, Chubbs, your whole life is a fantasy game. You eat nine sandwiches a day. You have three dinners. What are you talking about? Your whole life is a fantasy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Take out any of the ops. You need a big fullback making that hole for you, baby. More than one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It doesn't say what you do. Do you get to play ball? You get to pitch? You get to, you know, stare at him in a locker room, stuff like that? Take a shower with him? Taking a shower at the Kroger. I'm not paying a couple grand to not get a shower with one of these, but Larry Bowen. No Ricky Batalico, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You love the Glory Days. I do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fucking put him in the dirt. You'd be down there telling everybody how it's done. Let me show you. Talking to fucking, talking to All-Star. Hey, you need a car story? Call me. I'm the guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay, she wants you to go first.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I do owe you a wedding present. I want you guys to come too, though. You'd be insufferable down there. Why? You're insufferable everywhere else I've taken you. Rude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's not going to be cool dudes paying to hang out with Larry Boa and Chase Utley. It's going to be a bunch of guys. Maybe they're my crew. Make-a-wish dudes. It's supposed to be a bunch of guys who haven't been out of the house in a while. It's going to be a bunch of autistic guys wanting to be baseball players.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
What? Older business guys are going out and going to watchy-watchies and stuff. No cool dude is going to Philly's Fantasy Camp, man. I hate to break it to you. It's going to be a bunch of, like, Disney adults. They're crazy to think cool dudes are doing that. That means I'll definitely start. Who's going to go back? Yeah, so it was me and Mickey Morandini. No one wants to tell that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Don't say anything bad about Mickey Morandini. Shout out to the double M. But I'm just saying, nobody, I mean, I'm not saying there's not going to be any cool dudes, but it's not going to be loaded with cool dudes. 2,600 bucks? That's not really pricing yourself out for a week of accommodations. Try to get Kruk on the pod. Get Kruk on the pod. See if he can hook it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You want to get him on the pod, then ask for a free. I got one ball, too, John.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're going to come in in cleats. You're going to do every episode in cleats, a bad batting helmet, gloves.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get my tolerance up. Can't be down there bubble gumming it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. I would do a spring training if we could make it work with the schedule. Sure. It's a good time. You're down there. You're drinking big beers. It's sunny. Close to the game. It's a small game, too, yeah. Small, small, whatever they're called. What are they called? Stadiums or whatever, yeah. Small ballpark. It's a good time. I like it. We used it for, like, a Christmas card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
There's a famous picture of Denise. My Aunt Kate and my Aunt Patty all drinking, you know, all drinking like a Mai Tai out of a Phillies helmet cup or something like that. And they are in. It's three Kensington girls in their prime, dude. Just like, yo, take a picture. Get the camera. Use my phone. It's Jim Fregosi. Jim Fregosi and Terry Mulholland. I got both their autographs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's who signed that ball. Oh, is that Terry Mulholland? That's not Fregosi. Yeah, I believe it's Jim Fregosi and Terry Mulholland. Oh, really?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fregosi was great. Okay. I mean, I don't think anybody's clamoring to get you. Put that in my safe. Yeah, that's the ball you're throwing at. Guys, I brought my own. I would do it. I would do it just to watch you from afar. I wouldn't want to. Oh, you mean like do me the fantasy camp?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but I don't want to be down there with you because you're going to be talking about how like you're on the team. Because you would go in and this is how your brain works. You would genuinely think you're better than every other guy in the camp. I don't feel that way. I'm not sport. You're going to think they're going to like you better. I'm going to hustle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
She'll think it's under her name or my name. This is all a five second reservation. Is it under your name or my name?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't understand what you're talking about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's not sports. It's more like you'll be like, dude, the way they looked at me, I could tell if I was 50 pounds lighter, they might sign me. It'd be a bummer. If that's the case. It'd be a bunch of pipe dreams that you think they were talking about. Maybe I'll fly back with them and like all this stuff. You really let your imagination. I'm going to grab a ride with Kruk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're going to take turns driving. He's driving back. You're just doing like a Corolla or something. It sucks. Yeah, I'm afraid of planes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, what do you got to hustle out to first to beat the play at first?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can turn a double real quick. Yuck!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. I remember the first time they made me pitch. I was a catcher. I was a catcher. And I just remember being like... I just pictured you in the dugout wearing a dress. I don't know why. I'm showing my tits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kelvin, get up there. Somebody was hurt. And I was... Not bad. I was fine to throw. I was the catcher. I could catch a ball, man. Pull it right into the strike zone. Why do they always put the fat kids back there? Because we're not fast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It sounds like you're causing trouble at the hostess stand. I'm not causing trouble at the hostess stand. I mean, like, there's enough events for this to be an issue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
My one coach was Bud. He also coached my brother in soccer. Sold some sticky, too. Shut up. Real name was Clark. Shut up. Family friend. Neighborhood guy. You know, around the neighborhood. I think he was a ref, too. He coached. He was big into sports.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know him. This is what you do to me, by the way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your girth was a topic of conversation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, then you soup knots. You step in and take a... She goes in, steps right to the right, and waits for the bulldog to come in. Start eating the mints already. These toothpicks for everyone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm just saying, I got the touch. Listen, you could barely get in the passenger seat. You're not going to be able to get in with the steering wheel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
And you want to be in my fantasy camp? I'll get ready. Okay. I'll hustle. You're in a golf cart going to take in third. I'm paying for this. They're waving you in. You and the Philly Fanatic on a quad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I looked into getting them for the park show to either bring us up or something. That'd be fun. Or get Swoop up there. Yeah, goddamn homecoming. You know what I mean? We got to do some dirtbag stuff. We can't follow the Fanatic. He'd close out doing our material. He'd be up there bombing. Are you kidding me? Bring back the Fanatic. Everybody's booing us, throwing hot dogs and shit. Oh, shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's relatively cheap. Is it the real guy or is it some bozo? I think they sub it out. There's a couple of them. There's like three official. It's the real uniform.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, there's like three official. Shows up in a Barney costume with a Philly shirt on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. Yeah. Let's see here. We're screwing around. We're doing a goddamn show. I know. You're the one living in your fantasy world over here. Also, that was January 26th. You got two weeks to get in shape here, big guy. I'll be ready.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Come on. Come on what? I'm not paying for it. Why are you asking me like I'm your dad? Why can't we all go? Why do you do this? Why can't we all go? You can go. I'm not going to Philly's Fantasy Camp. Because you can't cut it. I can't cut it. And I forgot I'm sitting next to the only 400-pound MLB star. I forgot, guys. I just need a fanatic to tie my shoe and I'll be right out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get out of the way. You're ruining our anniversary.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, I forgot to tell you, so I got called up to pitch. Oh, man. I sailed the first one. Like 15 feet, like over the batter, like hit the backstop, like the top of the backstop rolled down. I was like, whoa, this is harder than it looks. I had just never – I had never even tried to, like, actually pitch in a game. Like, you play wiffle ball or whatever. That's frightening.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, dude, it's just you and him. And he had done the work. I had not. We were in a stare down and he had me shook. Especially back then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
The tight teeth. That's our whole relationship. Oh, man. My mom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Goddamn Thunderdome. Fucking put the heat on you. I think I threw one or I think I maybe did one inning or like two or three batter. They were like, we got to pull this guy. Get the kid in a wheelchair to come in. Start throwing some smoke. Yeah, I was bad. I was bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's just like I still have that thing with like certain things where if like I have to concentrate on doing the thing, I then just think about how I can mess it up. Does that make sense? Yeah. You know, it's like, all right, just right down there, right down there, right down. And then in my head, I'm like, oh, you don't have it. You don't have it. And then I roll it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got the yips for my first time up. I can check my block. Can't throw to first. All right, let's see. This one's from Tommy Two Spoons.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen, we're two, I think clinical term is fat asses. Yeah. Yousever put the chip crumbs at the bottom of the bag and pour them into dip and use that as a sandwich spread. That blew my mind. Oh, a sandwich spread. Yeah, see, you jumped the gun. Obviously, everybody's done that, and you scooped that out. And eat it like cereal with a spoon. No, as a sandwich spread is the gentleman's move.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's pretty sweet. Little bit of crunch. That blew my mind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Don't finish that. Let me get a bite. My mom and my stepdad, anytime they were cooking at the house. Oh, my God. Yeah? The whisper fights at the stove. Because the way it is, they're backs to, like, the rest of the party. When they're over there in the corner. Put it over there. It was always my stepmom breaking my stepdad. Or my mom breaking my stepdad's stone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get the crunch and the saltiness.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Creamy gay cucumber, so good. So good, your lips did something I've never seen before.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure they do. I knew you were going to say that. I'm saying for the average person isn't doing pickles and milk. You have to give me that. I don't know why we're at odds this episode. But pickles and milk is not a combination people do together. I disagree.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Genuinely considered. Move of an obese man. Playing God over here. Risking it. All right. Let's see here. This one is one for Patches O'Houlihan, $10 financier. Never have one read. Are you garbage? Always take a screenshot of the confirmation, even though they'll send me an email just in case they try to play me. I know I'm not alone here, buddy. You are not. Not at all, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a dirtbag thing because you go, all right, I'm going to pay this. But you're going to screw me somehow. Somehow. And I don't want you to screw me. And I need my case airtight if I have to go toe-to-toe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Huh? Where is it? Because I don't do much on my phone, but I'll be on my desktop. It was always my health insurance. I got... Past, like, two or three years, I'd not pay my health insurance, and they'd buck me out of it, and I'd have to re-thing, and it's a month, so it'd be months at a time. I wasn't going to have health insurance, and I would always take, I would have to do it online.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would take the picture with my phone of the screen and be like, I got you, motherfuckers. Let me back in here. Yeah. Make me call my boy. Come see on 6th Ave. All right. Is that me? No. The guy who shot the UnitedHealthcare guy? Jesus. Which I do have to say, the day that happened, I got an email to pay my bill. And I was like, buddy, you guys got to figure this out. It's last year's material.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's still in the news. Yeah, that's a real, that's like dirtbagging. Don't trust it. It's instilled in you of like, I don't trust computers. I don't trust. Get a receipt. I don't trust whatever company or institution. It's usually with bigger institutions. You're like, I can get lost in the mix here. Yeah. I don't want this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, a cocktail or two at them, you know? Goddamn gentleman. It's a holiday. Yeah, it was always like, all right, they're whisper fighting over the rolls or something. Something that don't matter. And does the bird tell you what she wants? What do you mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, well, we don't have it. Well, you should have it because I got it. Boom, right up your ass. Your Honor. I think it's kind of good. When I'm taking that picture, I go, I got you lock stock. You're standing at Congress just holding it up. Flashes are all going on. I present you a picture of my laptop screen. This is my feet in the background. Home run of a question. Great question. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Um, all right, let's see here. Tootie's ex-boyfriend, $10 dude. That's awesome. Uh, you's ever owned a word. Number one, big foam finger. No, I had, I had a, Oh, sorry to call you. I've had a flyers one. Wow. Loved it. Oh, I, Paul, I have, It was a Phantoms one, the minor league.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
They were hot for a minute. They were fun games, the Philadelphia Phantom, because you could get tickets. They were like $9, $10. We were big hockey kids growing up, and, yeah, we would go down to Phantoms games.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I could count on my one big foam finger.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Got a bad case of turf toe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, ours were free. They would give them out to, like, the first, you know, whatever, 2,000 people. To a Phantoms game, but nobody's really going to Phantoms. It's not like you had to wait in line. It was like the Phantoms would draw maybe 5,000 people, and not everybody got one. Also, if you went to an entrance that not everybody was going through, you're like, yeah, here, take one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, we sit there in silence. Yeah, you talk about the menu.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
We were never big on getting the stuff. Like, if there was a free something, like, I remember that. Like, that's all of them. I'll get you that at Sports Authority or Models. Half the price. I'm not paying stadium prices. Which he didn't mind buying it for us, but that's how much of dirtbags we were. We'd run over to the authentic memorabilia, like sport, and go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
One distract them, one steal the stuff? No, we would complain about the prices. I'd run over and be like, Dad, they won $110 for an Eric Lindros jersey. You believe that? That's only $69.99 at Modell's in the Chamonix Mall. Oh, God. And I remember we would go over and look at them. Just to complain about the price. We were a big price. You believe that's what they're charging?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. What are you thinking? She does that promo where she'll look beforehand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, that's what we were. As a little kid? As a little kid. That's crazy. What, are you reading the newspaper, too?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, but it was like, that was insulting. You don't buy stuff there. They're screwing you. You know what I mean? Supply and demand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're like, is that a lot? Is that a little? I don't know what we're doing here. Originally marked down for $24.99. I'm like, all right, cool. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information. It's really just making small talk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
She Googles the menu. She's like, I think I'm going to have to do the duck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout out to Pat. Pat had one. I think he got it in New Orleans and flew home with it. I'm not taking it off. This is my headwear. I'm sorry. This is what I choose to wear is my hat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You get all fucked up and put it on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's good. Okay, let's see here. This is from Scotty B. Is it garbage to rent a zip car to take a nap during work hours? Whoa. That's expensive. I don't think so. I think outside of New York. But then I guess you would have a car. So this has to be like a major city.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Are they just all around the streets? I think it depends on the city, but yeah, there might be one across the street in a parking lot or whatever. Dirtbag. I respect that. You need a little bit of shut-eye?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then it's probably like a couple dollars an hour or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember one time, me and my brother were working construction. We were waiting on an inspector to come. We had worked overnight, and he was coming in the morning, I suppose, and we slept in a supermarket parking lot on the boulevard. And, I mean, it was so hot, and we had the AC crank. We were in the Montego. I was in my driver's side. He was in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
We had the seats all the way back, and we had passed out and overslept. Did we...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
we went to bed we thought we were gonna sleep for like 15 minutes at like it was like 9 15 in the morning after working overnight so we slept till like 2 15 in the afternoon we woke up what the hell people looking at us and said we were out like proper out cold like you know the popo knock i know yeah uh yeah sleeping in a car when you uh that's i mean that's respect the move really that's
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's class. It's trashy, but you're doing chest, not checkers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, you got to do it off-premises. You can't be doing it in your big client, your big 3 p.m. meetings walking by you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, people shouldn't know that you're doing that. All right, this one's from all the toes. $10 gum chewer. Is it garbage that I burned my mouth as a kid because I chewed a whole pack of Big Red at one time? I mean, that's made up. But there's no way. See if there's anything on that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Call that foreplay in your relationship. Start pressing the buttons and hitting the knobs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Big red. Couldn't eat for a week. That's a very, that's like dog's half wolf type thing. Doesn't get hotter by the piece. I know. You also know that probably spread around like, oh, Dylan burned his mouth. He was out of school for a month. You better be careful.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
What? Holy shit. My bad. I retract my statement. You're a goddamn survivor. Whoa. No kidding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That kind of makes sense now. I kind of, because I've done 2Bs, and it does, now that I think about it, it's intensified, and it just, like, numbs your mouth. You know what I mean? That's crazy. Whoa. That toughest kid in school right there. Dude, my apologies, sir. Let me carry your books to your next class. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember one time I got one of those big jawbreakers, and you had to lick that for like, you know, you get it for like a week or two and keep it in a place.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
A baseball. Yeah. They were big. Fourth, fifth grade, they hit. I never had one. Would you palm it? Yeah. I still remember the outside of it. Dude, I had cuts on my tongue. Look at the guy. He's chewing razor blades. Everyone did it. The whole fifth grade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
A plastic bag. Not a Ziploc, a fold-over, too. That thing had a bit of an odor to it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, say it slower. Start over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean... That's what I... They used to have... No, that was cool. Jawbreaker lollipops. It was cool to... It was whatever they got cool to... What are they? Mega jawbreaker? There was a word for them. They were huge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was my girlfriend's name. Sweet girl. Took down a couple Mega Bruisers. A couple of linebackers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, not to Brian Urlacher and the rest of the girls. match one time uh-huh um mega bruiser no i don't know i don't think the way they would but yeah that was big you know you had them i can't believe your mom let you get away with that this was prime she's working a lot um you know stand there licking a ball man my tongue was cracking i look like i look like you smoked meth
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like that, your lips would get all white and stuff from the sugar. Meanwhile, my eyes are bouncing around. That's a lot of sugar. And it would be the layers. And you go, oh, yours has this. Mine has this. I go in blue, red, blue. You licked it to get the cross section. See what's in there. Man. Rubber bands. This is really. I started looking at old pictures. My mom found a photo book.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I started looking at old pictures. Started porking up? I wasn't as fat as I remember as a kid kid. Like as a young boy. Sure. It really, really turned on in seventh, eighth grade. Like sixth. Mega Bruce. Transform. But I remember being like, oh, whoa. Like, there was, like, I looked at all my school pictures, and you're like, ah, a little pudgy, a little baby fat, you know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kind of a little baby fat. And then cut to, like, my shoulders got big in seventh grade. Right at the same time when the McChicken hit. That, and that was when I started bleaching my hair, and I had this plaid shirt on. I mean, I'll bring it in. It was a tough look. But before, I was a cute little bugger running around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I wish somebody would have grabbed me and be like, yo, the rest of your life is going to be significantly harder if you don't lock it up right now. Just lock it up. Yeah, whatever, dickhead. Go back to licking my tennis ball. You got any warheads?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I'm not sure I understand. I'm not understanding. Man, you are a lot to deal with. I'm not sure I understand. I'm a handful. I'm not sure I understand why that bothers you. That's just like in line or at table. Just tell the server what you want. I know, but she's sitting there with you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know what you're talking about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, I get it a lot. She'll be like, she'll know what she wants, but then the waiter comes over. They freeze up. No, no. Hers is more of like English as a second language type thing because they'll rattle off those specials real quick. And I'm just conditioned dirtbag. We don't do the specials. You don't even make eye contact. No, no, no. I sell you the undercoating. That's how they get you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Getting the specials, yeah. I need a manager, I'm not doing this. Let me guess, it's more expensive than everything else on the menu? No thank you, okay? A deposit? Run my card now? Um, they, uh... They'll go, that's a whatever into a whatever with a whatever with a demiglaze and a ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And she'll look at me and be like, what's a demiglaze? I'm like, I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Why don't we listen to this guy? We need to get the chicken fingers. Let's go. A demigod? A demigorgon? Can't kill him. Yeah, that kind of stuff. So that, and then she'll be like, what's that? And then he looks at me, and I got to translate. And I'm like, I don't know. If it's not a chicken parm or chicken Alfredo or something, I don't know. So you're saying this is me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think it's a combination of both of you. Yeah, I would assume. I don't know. I don't understand. Yeah, I think you're a bit of a freakazoid, I think is the clinical term for it. You get... You're not... How's that supposed to make me feel? You're not real chill. You're afraid to... You're going to embarrass or you're going to. And we come from it, too. It's like you don't want them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got yelled at a lot in restaurants when I was a kid. You're like apologizing to the waiter for taking your order because you don't want to make it seem like I'm sorry. And you can't. You know, it's like that kind of you feel like you're imposing on them. She's a dumb broad. Yeah. This is my lovely wife. Dumb broad. But, you know, whatever. Yeah. You do that kind of stuff. You don't care.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is what it is. You're more. You don't want to come off as a bother, or you want to impress the waiter more than you care about getting in a fight with your wife. That's what it is. You don't care. You know you can solve that. You'll never get a second chance with this waiter. If that starts off bad, you're done for it. You know what I mean? Come back. I'm sorry, bud. Let her order again.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You are not. Give him a shout out. You are not lying. Yeah, she's powerlifting out there, dude. What, though? Some knee jerks? 2025, she's just getting it done. She's after it. Hang jerks. Hang jerks. I've done that. Squabbles. What's it called? If you get caught, that will jam you up. Goblet squat. You like a goblet squat?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think that's what it is. Okay. You know, hey... I got a lot of growing to do this year. No slimming. No slim. We got a lot of shrinking to do. The word is shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. Shrink it up. Oh, they're shrinking. What? Little guy. But all that's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn 2025 family episode to get into. Happy New Year to everybody out there. Of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, the homies have gotten a Happy New Year. All the bozos. Shout out to all the bozos. The Army of Garbage is strong. We got a lot of live show dates coming up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're going to start plugging. Back on the road. The boys are back on the road. Back on the road. Back on the road, baby. A little bit of runs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Selective cities. Also, Route 66. A lot of people ask, Route 66 is in the works. That's going to be a bit of a bigger project coming out. Not very soon. Coming out soon. Working on it. Been seeing the dailies on that. That's going to be a fun piece of business. But like I said, all that aside, let's get into a nice family episode. What is 2025? Year of the what, Luke? Look it up. I know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Year of the snake. Is it? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're a rat snake. Dirtbags.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fix that, booze. Cut it, print it. All right, this one's from Trusty Fiend. $10 Airbnb driveway cigarette deep cut. Is it garbage to pull up to a red light, get out of the car, go push the crosswalk button trigger to change the light? Man, goddamn hero is what you are. That's, I mean, but that- Do they work? Yeah, I think so. I don't think they really work in New York. That's all time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I've never seen one in New York.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No. They're not at the corners. Maybe not every corner. They're there. They for sure exist. You don't think New York City has a crosswalk button, Foley? Are you drinking again? I've never seen it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's the same thing. It's all set up. That ain't helping me. There used to be one I used to work by, like a blind institute or something. And it was, I didn't realize, first of all.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
What? That's not even. BBI, Institute for Blind Technology. You had one letter right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, you're still. Institute. Of America. The American Association of Americans. They do institute twice. It's a big deal. But I used to stand out in front of my building and catch heaters where I used to work at the law firm. And... I was just like, there is a high density of blind people that live in this neighborhood. This is crazy. Every day you saw like four or five blind people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
What the hell is going on? I've been living in New York for a decade. You see one a month or something like that. And then I found out it was by the Institute, but the crosswalk. Obviously. You're at the Fat Bald Institute. There's a lot of guys that look like me. I had a pretty decent hairline. I was a weight trimmer. I was probably like $1.90 at that time. Look at you. You're a meatball man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Saddest lunch breaks of my life. Sitting out there eating Dwayne Reed nuts, a Diet Coke, and cranking about seven or eight heaters in 25 minutes. You still talk to Dwayne? Gary! But they had a specialized crosswalk. A guy who would come over and be like, is now safe to cross the street because there were so many blind people. An actual guy? Yeah, but not like live.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was a recording, but he was a New Yorker. So I was like, you are now allowed to cross the street, cocksucker, or whatever. Go Jets. Yeah, it was very, very. I'm like, you couldn't have got just like a computer AI voice to do that? Sure. It's a tram car lady or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's expanding his empire. Kevin James Ryan. What up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. And now Spotify. Check that out over there, gang. Look at that. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously, the greatest website of all time. www.patreon.com. All your garbage. Go over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is where you can get a great gyro sandwich if you buy that. He gives you like the great dollar slice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
How do you spell Aiello? A-I-E-L-L-O. Anello? Aiello.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
See? Titans. They're all screwballs. I don't know that guy. You don't know Danny Aiello? Mm-mm. Moonstruck? I know him when he used to be the train conductor. I know him from that. Pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know what's really scary when it's late at night, you're driving by yourself, and there's only one car right behind you, and you're clocking him, and you go, when I get up to the intersection, I'm making a right. And then he gets behind you, and you go, all right, I start going, where can I bust the UE? Like, what can I do? Do I try to burn him off the light? Do I blow the red light?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
It's easy to use. Anybody can do it. And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com slash go slash garbage. That's square, S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash go slash garbage. Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yes, there's no cost to join, and just by paying rent, you unlock flexible points that can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, or your next Lyft ride, and more. When you pay rent through Bilt, you unlock two powerful benefits. First... You are one of the industry's most valuable point on rent every month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
No matter where you live or who your landlord is, your rent now works for you. Second, you gain access to exclusive neighborhood benefits in your city. So here's the turkey. Start paying rent through built and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to joinbuilt.com slash garbage. That's joinbuilt, J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Make sure you use the URL so they know to boy send you. Joinbuilt.com slash garbage to sign up for built today. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Everyone's slowly walking away from him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Please tell me you know one of the princesses. They're all just so hot. What the fuck?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
All right. Easy does it. Quit screwing around. One question back to the house. What would you say the classiest thing in the house? It could be the solarium and the trashiest. Trashiest thing would have to be the ham, right? Or is there something where you're like, that's a problem. I got to get it. You can't say the ham. I can't say the ham. Next to the ham, then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Really? Yeah. I don't know what's going on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
No, no, no. It's probably like the fucking sanitary, like all the shit, all the water.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You've got to clean that trap out. Nothing's better than, yeah, you've got to clean that trap out. Because nothing's worse than opening a clean dishwasher and still being kind of dirty. It was all for naught. I'm two hours behind where I could have been.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met. The biggest show we've ever done. Let's go. Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
White leather couch? You're too big for that. Is it new or is it antique?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I can turn it on when I need to. Yeah, you were like Morose when I got here. It's like someone hits him with a shot of beef tallow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, that was after 60%? After 60%. Holy fucking shit, Sam.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Those rich people don't like being comfortable. Yeah, they want to sit like this. Yeah, go over and look over their files. They have Luke posture. I know, yeah. Luke's probably sitting on one of those Timothy Olyphant chairs right now. He's probably sitting on one of those sex pairs right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
And the USB chargers you can plug in and fucking scroll while you're there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
He's always everywhere. And I'm like, oh, we could cross paths at some point. I was going to pop in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Okay, so the couch, where'd you get the new couch?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
She did. Sounds like it's a rehab center.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I get that. We got back from the road, and I had all weekend by myself, kind of. And man, I put a dent in... The couch does not have the same spring it had on Friday as it did this morning when I woke up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I do. Growing up, that white was, even in Philly, too, it was always white. New York's more yellow. Yeah, never had yellow cheese growing up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I didn't even know there was a Lebanese influence.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I know, right? Guys, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. A couple of big boys on this episode, myself included, from all of those, ever wait at the buffet for something to be restocked?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I remember at the cafeteria in college, that was a big waiting for them. They would drop pizza, and I loved bad pizza. Man, it was such bad. I would just fucking circle. I'd be like looking at the fruit. Try to act cool like you're hanging out. What's going on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Location, location, location. Any good realtor worth their salt will tell you that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You were down to 140 pounds. Oh, yeah, I was putting a mustache on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I lived there. Look at this guy. That's how we knew the fucking Dan Cortez Casino. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Which you did. I never brought it up to you. I don't think I did. I did one of the trashiest things I ever saw. Me? No, he did at the blackjack table. I respect him. I've been there. But it was just like, I mean, we were at the blackjack table. It was me, you, Foley. I forget who else.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Maybe Tommy Pope. Tommy was there. Yeah, Tommy Pope. And so we're there. We're having a fucking day. I mean, night at this point. We're laughing. We're screaming. We're having a good time. Mm-hmm. Beers go like, we're fucked up. Sig. Sig, crushing eaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Luke, give me a price point on a 16-pack of white and a 16-pack of yellow. They've got to be the same. It's a couple singles over here. That's what I'm saying. He has a couple of free samples. He said I could have whatever I want. Slice thin if you want. Try it out a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
See, I know what's going on. But I needed a cig. And were you smoking menthols at one point? Was that you? American Spirit, Dark Green. Yeah, and I bummed one off of Matt. This is at like 3 a.m. Yeah, you were cross-eyed. I'm 100 cigs deep already on the day. This is gang fest.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
No, you bummed me a cig. Yeah. And then I couldn't get it down. I mean, dude, an American spirit menthol. That's like an IED. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Dude, it's thick when you're blowing it. It feels like you can feel it leaving your teeth. And I remember putting it out, closing my eye, being like, I can't. I got like two or three drag. I'm like, I can't do it. But he goes, what are you doing? That's still good. He took it out of the ashtray and put it in his pack.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Either get busy living or get busy dying. Yeah, you don't need to sleep when you're dreaming all the time. I respect that. I just remember being like, that move at that time. I was just like, that's crazy. If you smoked it right then and there. Yeah, you're like, I'll take it. But it went back in the pack. Well, it was also, we were real thin on cigs. I was out of cigs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
He was probably, if I'm smoking an American Spirit menthol at 3 a.m., that's the only cig available. So you were probably down to like, I got three or four left. I'm going to need them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
No, I mean, it totally could have. I could have been the dealer. I think you were on a little Molly Shanahan. I could have been yelling at myself. Yeah, you were in a mirror. Hit! Hit me! You ugly, bald piece of shit! Your mother never loved you, Kippy!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Fair enough. This one's just funny. This is for Mac, $10 homie. Are you garbage if cleaning out the garage you find your social security card?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
just in case yeah i have my passport i know my i know my number okay when do you need your social security yeah find out what the need for a social security card is anymore yeah it's like getting a birth certificate we were also at the i'm of the age where it was like you had it you had it like we took it to like when you applied for a job it was like bring your social really your license and social security card you never needed it once as like a teenager yeah you would need it to prove
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
who you were, I guess for tax purposes maybe? I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Hey, are you really H-Full or are you just three guys in a Hawaiian t-shirt? What I am is a paying customer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Mine is, I don't know where it is exactly, but every time I'm cleaning out something that is a safe place, whether it's in a box in my sock drawer, something in a filing cabinet, it is in a safe place somewhere. I just don't know where it is. The last time I had to use it was probably for my wife's green card when we got married. It was all fucked up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Dude, I used to keep it in my wallet at that time. In college, I think I had it on me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You're going to love them. You're going to want to eat two or three of them. Eating well has never been this easy. Just heat up and enjoy, giving you more time to do what you want. Get outside instead of sitting in there prepping over a hot stove all day. Fat ass. Factor meals arrive fresh and ready to eat. Perfect for any active lifestyle with 45 weekly menu options.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You can pick gourmet meals that fit your goals. Choose from Cali Smart, Protein Plus, Keto, and more. As the big man said, it's well documented on his show. We're a pro-factor family, dog.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I was pro-factor. I was ordering factors way before they were even a sponsor. I'll back him up on that. I had that shredded chicken taco ball. I throw him right up on a pan. He's about to treat him, dang. Delicious. You can get started at factormeals.com slash garbage50off and use the code garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
That's code garbage50off at factormeals.com slash garbage50off for 50% off plus free shipping. Do it. Do it. Okay, let's talk about Mint Mobile.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah. My wife, my family's been using Mint Mobile for a very long time. It was fantastic years ago. Years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
eons ago I googled I need an easy way to do this bada bing bada boom it popped up and I've been we've been hooked ever since say bye to overpriced wireless plans jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages Mint Mobile is here to rescue all plans come at high speed data and unlimited talk and text but you know that Delivered on a nation's largest 5G network.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Ditch overpriced wireless and get three premium months of wireless service from Mint Mobile for just $15 a month. Get your knife out. Let's carve this turkey. This year, skip breaking the sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com. That's mintmobile.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Disclaimer, upfront payment of $45 for a three-month, five-gigabyte plan is required, which is the equivalent of $15 per month. New customer offer for the first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra cement mobile for details. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You chewed through it. Like, in the middle, it would be gone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
We didn't have to wear them when we played hockey. And then one year they made you. It was like, I don't know, statewide or whatever. It was like all kids have to wear it. So everybody cut them just to show here. It just covered your front two teeth and wasn't in the back. Oh, okay. So you were like faking it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You came in with a nice bright orange jacket, like Hunter Orange.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
What do you got on Social Security cards?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
We didn't ask for your Social Security card when you started working here? That's crazy. Did we not? What? Dude, there's no pay. I mean, there's... Handshake deal, baby. Yeah, we're all handshaking. Yeah. And then our business manager's like, that is fucking crazy. Like, why's he got us this far? You just go like this. Yeah, like, I don't know, man. It's fucking working. Look around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Come over here and start counting my pennies. He doesn't like when I trash him. I'll get a text. I heard this is a gore episode. I'm like, oh, sorry about that. All right, let's see. This is a little food heavy. This is from SavagePimp83. No clue if this has ever been said, but spoon or fork for mac and cheese? Interesting question.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Obviously, if it's a portion on a plate, you're going to just be eating with a fork, usually, if you're out somewhere or whatever. But if I'm by myself... I might just go big tablespoon. Mr. Talent, are you eating mac and cheese by yourself a lot? No, if I'm doing that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I'll give you that. It's got more of a fucking texture to it. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I've always been anti-knife. I have too, unless it's steak. Yes, you can accomplish everything with a fork or a spoon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, here. So, in Thailand, most common utensils for eating are fork and spoon, while chopsticks are used for certain noodle dishes, like... not going to try it, and by me, fork and spoon are used primarily utensils for Thai meals. The fork is used to push food onto the spoon, which goes to the mouth. Now we're talking. That's where it goes? I've been shoving it up my ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I don't think it's the easiest for Chinese food. It's the less you can shake on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
We're getting to the bottom of it. I might start doing that, but if you go- It's built like a shovel. Shovels are built for getting into the earth. I know. Somebody has that bit. I think it's fucking- Mr. Pants, probably. I think it's Seinfeld. He's like, you work all day with a shovel, till in the field, then you go home, and you try to eat with chopsticks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
That may be in your intellectual circles you roll in. Yeah, in Hamptown. Hamptown, USA. Listen, I tell everybody I read your book. I actually listened to it. That counts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I would come in every morning. You had it read to you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, I'm big on the spoon. Well, that's good. Now, let's say we're in New York right now. Let's say after this we go out to a nice dinner. Are you going to ask for a spoon? Hey, I'd love to. I know. No, not at a restaurant. I'm asking, well, why stop there? Why not just be comfortable and efficient and eat how you want to eat?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
In your early 20s, you were pantsing people?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
That was the big move. Yeah. Dude, laying on the ground hanging brain at a wedding is a tough look.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
It's also like, man, my pants fell down. This could not get any worse. And they get the wind knocked out of you. That's crazy. You're huffing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I remember learning at an early age. I almost got got on the playground. I was wearing basketball shorts to school. Oh, no. And basketball shorts. You're begging for it. And they went. Someone got me from behind. And I was able to get my front. So just my ass got. I was able to save the fucking tiddlywing. Your Honor, did you see how he was dressed?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
And dude, from then on, I'm doing like two belts, fucking tight pair of corduroys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Little big man. Okay. Bye, buddy. I had a great line when we asked him, if you got pants right, what would happen? Somebody's talking to your girlfriend. He went, if I got pants right now, I'd have to switch schools. I was like, buddy, I feel you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I fell at a wedding one time. I was so fucked up. And it was one of those ones. It was down in Fishtown in Philadelphia. It was like an event space. It used to be like a warehouse, so the floor was concrete. Like the whole floor was concrete. But smooth, like, redone, finished concrete.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I got four IPAs just hit. I got, like, fucking 15 IPAs hit me. Didn't know they were heavier than, you know, normal. Yeah. And, man, it was one of those where, like, it feels like that fucking, that GoPro's on you, and the floor came up to me. Oh, yeah. I did not move, dude. And next thing you know, I'm just looking up, and people's grandmoms are like, what the hell's wrong with this? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Is that a problem for you? Because that is a tighter, it's close quarters over there. It's a problem for me most places.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
My cousin was younger. He was probably like an early teen, you know, whatever, maybe like 14 or something. He ate a cookie that had a peanut in it or something. Oh, no. At my brother's wedding, man. And they came, they rushed like full-blown fucking cops, you know, ambulance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Dude, he was like out. He wasn't in the room anymore. He was like out in the hallway. And dude, no one. You all right? I was just like back to fucking bumping and grinding. Yeah, you just grab him by his fucking air forces and drag him into the hall.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Now, I know me and Foley don't have this, but out there in the Great Plains with you, maybe. This is from Foley's Discarded Boxers. $10, homie. Never have one read. Have you or anyone in your family lived an extended period of time in an RV? Bonus points if that was in a driveway of a home.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
It's usually bouncing back. They're getting their shit together or divorce. You know, someone moves out to like, dad's like, fuck you. I'm just going to, I already got the house and the RV. I'll just live in the RV. Yeah. That's a. That's not great. I didn't have a lot of time in an RV. My stepdad's dad had one that we would use and stay in, and I loved it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I've always said you are the mix of trash and class because you go over there and, like, you know, obviously you're shitting in a bathtub, but then also you're taking time to send us self-handwritten postcards, which is very nice. No one's doing that. He's an old soul. He's got a good fucking good head on his shoulder.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
It was like the coolest thing that we ever fucking had. My mom hated it, but I liked it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
That's kind of house. Yeah, it makes sense.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, you're doing dishes. Yeah, yeah. You got a smelly dishwasher.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah. I do get it as in the sense of, like, if you're, like, told you got to go to college, you got to do this, you got to get in the system, and you're like, nah, I can fucking save up money, live off the grid a decent amount, and, like, also then do, like, the gig economy. You'd be like, oh, I'll do this to earn cash and then fucking hang out the rest of the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
We have time for a couple more. This is from Foley is Foxy. Must be a blind broad. Is it garbage to get hypnotized on a cruise ship? My aunt volunteered and was convinced she was a duck. She ran around on stage flapping and imagined her wings quacking like a maniac. She claimed she had no recollection when the hypnotist clapped his hands and brought her back to life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
They're susceptible to it. They think they're playing along. They think they're in a trance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, quit smoking. Get like our hypnotist acts. Like, you know, a live show hypnotist. Do live show hypnotist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Have to bring in Penn and Taylor to get.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
They used to do it at my junior high. What? Was that one of the gym teachers? You're not wrong. It was one of the assemblies each year was like this hypnotist would come in. He would get like 10 people up there. And, you know, the stories you would hear because my brother had gone through the schooling. Like, dude, it's fucking crazy. And I think the guy started getting a little.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
naughty and had the girls dancing and stuff. And they fucking axed it before I got there. I was devastated. Dude, imagine being a 7th grader and getting to see all the girls you're in love with twerking on stage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I love that shit. If they're right, I watch one guy. He's a Staten Island guy. I forget his name. Like Gemini or something like that. And he came down to this show we were doing. Is he black? No. Old white Italian guy. And he comes, dude, in the first. The first half hour, he's like, just tell him I got here from Italy. I'm like, all right. You got it. So he's up there. The magic starts here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
He's doing. I came in and I'm in on the act. Where's the box? So he comes up and he's well, he's doing very broken English, a word here and there. And then halfway through, he just breaks his Staten Island accent. He's like, I'm fucking get him with you. Classic. Like erupts, erupts in laughter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I know where you're going. Real chopstick stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, and everyone's like, yeah. All right, we've got to wrap it up, though. What? I know. Time flew by.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
He'll drop shit like that. But he's like, they didn't cover the overs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Guys, we're over the road. New dates announcing very soon. Big ones. Yes. And then, guys, grab the card game at RUGarbage.com. We love yous. See you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Are you handy around the house? No, dude. No. You sub all that out? You just go get a handyman?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, what are you doing? What's up, ladies? How you doing? Wait, you don't just transfer it? No, I fucked up when I did it, and now it's one of those things I've got to set up, but I mail my check in. You do. And then this is what I do. I write all the checks. So I'm currently out of checks because I just wrote 10 months worth of checks, and I sit them there because otherwise I forget.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
He's a big ham guy. Yeah. I know. I remember. I'm just saying. I know he likes his ham. I do. I remember he told the story in his first one. He had that, what was it, Serrano ham or whatever, like the big spit. That's a hard connection to Easter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Sure. Shout out to Wawa. Yeah, no, I'm not a... I would have to say I'm not a spreadable meat kind of guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Sure. Coming out of your pores. What's that? So the meat you do have now. You said you have one at the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Is that where it should be kept? Is it a finished basement? Jesus. Okay, finished basement.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
You can't be keeping ham in there. I don't think you can keep just fucking a hunk of ham.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
I don't need you to sit here and judge me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Does she partake in the ham? No, no, no. Does anybody that come over is like, Oh, yeah. Sweet, we're at Sam's house. Let's get our ham.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, I got one of them too. I can't poop in there. I can't poop in there. I wish I could.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available now on Spotify over there. Check that out. And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent
Yeah, we are big fans of Square. Before they were even a sponsor, we started using them. We use it on the road. If you ever bought a t-shirt on the road, that's the credit card system we use. It's fantastic. It helps us keep inventory of what we have. We run out of 2 and 3 XLs very quickly. The boy's out. And we know that because of Square. It is fan-freaking-tastic. It's flexible.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Tim Dillon Returns!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
But they only had 12 miles on them. Yeah. It's been three accidents, 12 miles. It's a Model T. You got a 46.4 with 14 miles on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
They had to literally pass Tom's parents to get up there. Did they know or suspect?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
No, but just past the door. But the door was unlocked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
We would also play, what's it called?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Rock band. Until like 3.30 in the morning and Tom's mother would come up and be like, Can we fucking end the concert, fellas? I got strippers down here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Love Old Orchard Beach. We do a ton of garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
You guys should seriously think about doing a show in Portland, Maine and doing a Patreon at Old Orchard Beach. You'd love it. A little roller coaster in the Ferris. Pull up some photos. You guys would love Old Orchard Beach. It is straight garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
How old are we talking? The last of everyone. I was like 22.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And how far away were you guys, List? How far are these towns apart? I grew up in the South Shore. Everett is a city, and it's close to the Boston where he grew up. This is much more houses on top of each other, double-decker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Kind of that kind of thing. I think it's getting slightly – no, it's getting worse. Worse. They put a casino in. Mainly because of his parents. And I grew up in the suburb. Probably no traffic, probably 45 minutes. Okay, gotcha. So usually there's traffic 50 minutes from there. So he would have been the trashier of the two. Yeah. City trash versus more suburban.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
But I remember, Tom, the first time you ever came, I remember we had a fight because you referenced my family. You were like, hey, you guys are white trash. And it was shocking to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I was like, what are you, crazy? And then Tom was like, well, you do have a rolled up carpet that the grass and moss has grown over in your backyard. Sure. And you have a broken down car in the driveway. I was doing your show way back then. That moment and the first time I did this show were two real eye openers. You never told us about the rolled up carpet. Yeah, it was bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
It took like 12 guys to pry it off and get it out. It was all waterlocked and shit. It was part of the land. But yeah, I think you and I could have a good family garbage off and it would be pretty close. Just different kinds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Is that true, Joe List? I had some really, don't judge based on my wife now. What are you talking about? I'll be silly. I used to know. Sarah's a hot ticket herself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Paul's real quick. Now, this is a great Are You Garbage store because it starts off going, you're not fucking, fuck yeah, you got a limo, and then you're riding shotgun. Damn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I don't know about that, but it's probably 13,000. Yeah, 14,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
We love her. Smart, smoking hot, broad, great body, nice tits, perfect butt. One of the funniest. She's got a great body, buddy. She's got a great body.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Slap someone on the back. Also a line I use the most maybe is Kramer going, all right. Show's over. But anyways, yeah, I had some hot numbers. And I started in high school, fresh out of high school. And how old were you when you started? I was 25. And what's the age difference?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I think I started just a little bit before you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Tom also eats less than anybody I've ever met ever in my life. I don't eat a ton. What did you have today?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
All right. Come on. Tell them your famous line that you've been doing for 30 years. You want to go get a sandwich?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Do you start your senior year? No, I graduate, which I still – this is what I tell every young comic if they want to do comics. I say start now because no matter when you start, you wish you started earlier. Because I started after I graduated. Looking back, I was like, I could have totally just done this in high school also. Right. So I was a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
That was a big line for a long time. I've stolen it. Are you a fast food guy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I was 18, and then I met Tom, and Tom was, you know –
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I don't know where I'm going to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And in the interest of the podcast theme, they do have a balcony, but it's completely rotted out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
It was wild. But I remember one of our first times hanging, Tom worked at a car lot, had like a used car lot. Oh, yeah. From the age of three to 30.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Yeah. Try harder, you c***.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
You must have some softball stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I wrote a 10-minute bit about how homework stinks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Love you. Yeah. Yeah. But there is some class sprinkled in there. There's a lot of class. Morocco and Belgium.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
That was insane. Ari said it's literally the funniest documentary of all time. And Ari, he's only seen two other documentaries.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
But it's funnier than that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I was saying it was going to be the funnest time of all time. I know, and it's more than that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And I'll be at the Wilbur Theater. How you doing? April 19th. And there's very few tickets left. And Acme and Comedy Club, April 10th to the 12th in Minneapolis. Fantastic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
He could sell water to a dolphin, this guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Well, the best one was we went to the Squire. No, it wasn't the Squire. It was the other one, the Cab, the Cabaret. There was the Squire, which we called the Squid, and the Cabaret, which we called the Cab. And then there was King Arthur's, and we can't talk about that on YouTube.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Yeah, a lot. But we went there. It was New Year's Eve Eve, and they opened at noon. And we got there at like 11.55, and the guy was like, all right, no one's here, but you can come in. So we sat at the bar and put our dollars on the stage. And literally, this sounds made up, a stripper walked in in a fur coat with a scarf, and I yelled, ready when you are. We beat the strippers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I'm wicked hot over here. There was no music playing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
No, no. That was my high school girlfriend. Once she saw me with him, she was like, I'll see you later.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Every once in a while, a different girl would come because we had regular girls. One would come and go, all right, we got to get this thing started. Where's the bachelor? Where's the bachelor? Oh, no.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And didn't they leave one time with a CD?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Well, I always want to make film. The birth of the film. Man, this program has changed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
He's a goddamn filmmaker. The inception of the film. How much time do we have? Turn the lights down, but leave mine on if you could. No, it was just, you know, I want to make. So there I was. I want to make films.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Yes. I'm in it. I'm trying to really sell the picture. Just tell them about the picture.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
What's the matter with you? Anyways, I just thought Tom would be a great subject. And I nailed it. I was right. Which is all I really did was thought Tom will be great and hilarious. And we have so many great stories. And originally the idea was to just roll camera on Tom hanging out, telling stories.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And then we kind of decided to incorporate some of his stand-up and then some of him running the club because he's the proprietor of the Comedy Key West. Right. And then we just started telling our stories. Then we started talking mental health and about our friendship and life and what it means to be successful.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And it blossomed into this whole other thing, which is when we were going down there, I just took Matt Salicus and Patrick Holbert. You might know those guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
And I said, you guys, you just shoot. I don't know what the – which is very annoying if you're hired as a DP and a – I go, I don't know what the movie is, but you guys roll tape, and then we'll figure it out after. And Tom just gave us so much hilarious stuff and touching stuff and moving. It's really a great film about mental health and friendship and comedy. There's so much comedy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
It's really fun. And just quickly, because I want to get back to funny stories, but I fucked up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
I really fucked up. No, you did great. It's great. We're here now. Yeah, what are you talking about? A lot of people get success in their 50s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
He's 50. I didn't start comedy until I was 32. That's embarrassing. Yeah. And I had no strippers. But we didn't do any. If you're thinking like, oh, there's a document. We didn't do any. It's cinema verite, if you will. There's no lighting. There's no smoke. And we didn't do anything again. Oh, let's take that again. Let's get a shot of Tom walking in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
We just rolled camera on us, living our lives.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
His last film appearance. We think.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Yeah. It's confirmed at the very last second of the film. It's the big surprise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
That's why I wanted to note it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!
Can we just get a quick Google on the statute of limitations?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I like Dollar Shave Club. Let me tell you why. You got everything in one spot. You can get the razors to clean up down here. Okay, good quality razors. And you get the trimmer to clean up the beard. Not to mention you can do the bushes down there, too, a little bit. Clean up the front yard and the backyard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I mean, she's worried about let her go. You're you're yelling at her for. Yeah. And she called. She couldn't. She couldn't find goodies. You're yelling at her on the phone. Be nice to her. Thank you. I'm not. I'm yelling at her on the phone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Prime Video brings exciting entertainment. Experience star chef Andreas Caminada and his friends in Dinner Club, included in Prime.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Experience the new crime series Mobland with Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren. Now only on Paramount+.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
No matter where you stand, all of this is here. Prime Video. Click or tip on the banner to learn more.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Glenn, I thought you changed the locks. Guys, quit screwing around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
That would be cool. You'd be that comic, bringing two cats around. Really get a good rep for yourself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Yeah, cat piss is notoriously bad for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Did she actually say, oh yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You walk out of the dog's got into the bathroom. You walked a dog outside in New York with no leash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Is it a dog park or is it a park park?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I'm saying it for the safety of your dog. There could be another big dog around that you can't grab her or something like that. Or what if she runs out of the street or something?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I picture it like some type of Al-Qaeda training. The dog's doing the monkey part.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Yeah, it's weird. Was it an NYPD officer? Or like a park ranger?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Oh, fuck him. He had a clipboard. That's not a ticket. A clipboard?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You don't think that would be fun? I think it would be funny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
All right. So you guys were both in L.A.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You guys are back. Yep. Things are going good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You guys both have similar tattoo styles.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You give your dog this, and they know you're talking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Oh, you gotta pay your Netflix bill.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
It kills. 75% of the time. If you're in a low rent area, they don't really know about it. You guys ever been on a Greyhound? More bus people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Semolina, focaccia. You know? Fair enough. What? I didn't get it, to be honest.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You guys are... Airplane stuff kills. I was naming different roles. Right, well, you know. Focaccia threw you off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
That'd be fun though if we were animated kids. Like Muppet Babies. Yeah. But you guys are terrorizing the rest of the kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Go ahead. I'm interested in this. You want a coffee commitment? You want to serve the coffee? That's a resolution? You want to make coffee? Yeah, because I've never done that before.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? You sure about that? It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy, or they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Ian's smoking. Welcome back to the goofball brothers. Jordan's walking around with a gun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Wait, hold on a second. What? What does the platelets have to do with your injuries? Is this from the car accident? What do you mean it didn't take? Well, it takes a while. He's not human. It takes a while. His blood came out like a fucking horseshoe crab. It was all blue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I didn't know you speak multiple languages.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Both of you had to have fake languages when you were a kid, I would assume. And imaginary friends.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
It's nuts. You had imaginary tigers as friends growing up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
It is crazy how there are so many resemblance, such a resemblance with you two of personality. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Were you both out there at the same time separately?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Their cycles have blinked up. Did you have to tell the governor what you guys were doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Jordan, what were your resolutions?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Is this the same? Not to ask me personally, is this the same dude? Yes. So when I hear you doing bits about. Yeah, it's the same guy the whole time. Same guy every time. And it will never stop. I really turned the knife on that one. Ian, do you know this gentleman?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
That's what all the drones are about, I guess.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
He is. What do you think she should do?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I used to have- I had that for a long time with a drug dealer. It was like my biggest mistake.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I memorized his number. Yeah. So if I didn't have it, because I remember I didn't memorize it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
couldn't get in touch with him for a while and then my boy gave it to me and then i memorized it and you don't even know you're memorizing it you're just like i'm just looking at it for a while no i knew i was not letting this fucking happen to me again ruin a friday night yeah yeah yeah no um i'm very good at giving advice i think you should try dating a man next year me yeah well i may
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I was with you until Steely Dan entered the picture.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Who sits around and listens to records? Me. Why don't you go to a movie or dinner?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
That was all just a ruse to get your plug in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Man, that's weird. Both of you have birthdays on a holiday? Crazy, right? Yeah, you are.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Very. Yeah. No kidding. What are you guys doing on December 31st?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Sheath Underwear, ladies and gentlemen. Have you heard of it? Sure you have. We talk about it all the time. We've been talking about it for four years. They sponsor tons of your favorite podcasts. So why not support the sponsors that support your favorite podcasts?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
That's right. And they started the game, baby. They were the first ones to put the pocket with the balls and the wiener in the other pocket. That's how you do it. Top quality underwear. Developed by an Army veteran? Yeah, Iraqi War veteran. What are we doing here? What are we doing here? Keeps you dry, keeps you calm, keeps you cool. Sheath underwear, the only way to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
And I didn't even realize... That's a nice way to say molested. Yeah, like, I didn't realize how... What was weird is you were both telling the waiter this story.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Did you ask him about guns or did he just randomly say I love guns?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
One of those serious ones like a wrist rocket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You didn't tell us this the first time you were here. You should have opened with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Who were you living with there? Solo?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
What type of hors d'oeuvres do you have here? I'm not allowed to have sugar.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
How long do you have to wait and let it sit for?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
You're like nightmare creatures. And that's what you were living off of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Okay. Wow. There is still a lot to cover. You know that, Jordan, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
No, I think they're fighting the dog for the chicken. That suffices. Chicken wings or like a chicken breast?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
And you would put it on the floor, straight on the floor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Would you have it on a plate, though?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
My girl sits next to the cat sometimes when it's eaten just so it feels safe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
It's a freebie. You can't give that to another table. At that point, that's on the restaurant.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
What? There's no fighting. I got a hanker for some fucking yogurt. I'll pay that right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
We didn't talk about jail that much. Your license kept getting suspended. For what? And you kept still driving.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I kind of understand that. They're serving fried pickles? They're doing fancy moves? Come on, what are we doing here? It was a good steakhouse. What was it? Smokehouse.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Man. That was a deep cut. I got it. I didn't like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
She's going to get to therapy and start asking a therapist where she went on vacation. What kind of peanut butter did you have growing up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Sounds like they're coming right now to get one of you. This is all years ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
That was before you did comedy, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
No, no, very much. You got arrested for doing comedy for what? License again? Yeah. You were already doing comedy, but not here in the city. Yeah, yeah, I was here in the city. You've been arrested by the NYPD for driving without a license.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Have you ever seen Roger Rabbit by any chance?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I was so manic last night. It's just nice to be around people crazier than me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Why so serious? Man, the sleepovers you two must have ruined.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Did you do that on Colbert a couple weeks ago?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I don't even know who that character is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
We really have to get Jordan out of here. Yes, we do. We have to get Jordan out of here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
This guy comes in with a tank. Let me get a balloon. This felt like five minutes. It felt like three days to me, if I'm being honest. We gotta have you both back. We love you both. Jordan, you are the reigning queen of garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's upstairs in a K-hole. Okay. Good for her. That's one of our good friends on Patreon, but I can't remember the name right now. I want to say Clive Oven or Gary O, but I could be wrong. Either way, it was a fucking home run. My co-host is coming at you from a little too close right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Do you both have anything you would like to plug before you go? Jordan, you want to go?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I've never seen a girl put one of those in. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Be on the lookout. One of the best, Jordan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
On your pod with her sister. Have you met the sister? Oh, yeah. I feel like both of them could beat up most comedians in the city.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
This is so crazy. We're keeping all this, by the way. Everybody say crazy. Crazy. Gang, we love you to death. Love you, Jordan. Bye, Jordan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I was a little kid with the chocolate bars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Marla. You are. You do have Marla vibes. You were Madonna.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I wish. Oh, Marla the ugly chick? Yeah. She cracked dingers, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
So hold on. Yes. Now, when you both say that you have a Patreon card, what does that exactly mean? Your company card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Okay. Yeah, but I have the actual card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
So that would be the company paid for dinner. Yeah, so the company paid for dinner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
But I don't know many where they go around with cameras taking pictures of people like you're on a goddamn roller coaster.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
He is an international businessman, and I think he's at his wit's end right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Did you guys stay at the same hotel where you were? No. No?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Did they take your fried pickles too? Yeah. And Jordan, where did you stay? Steph Tollefs. Okay, you stayed with a friend. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
It's a friend of yours. If she comes over to the house, is she allowed to have whatever she wants in the fridge?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Yes, sir. And gang, we could not be more excited to have two incredibly special guests back with us again today. It's the Bugs from Men in Black.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I feel like this is how hobos hang out. The cat moved out shortly after this. I feel like I'm going to get sick. What's wrong with you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
One is a rising star. One is a rising star on the comedy scene, and the other one is hanging on by a thin thread. What the fuck? You guys guess who's who. Jesus Christ.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I feel like we're out to eat with children right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Look, do me a favor. Get the water bottle, will you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Do you like flying up front? I'm sweating.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Wait, are you feeding the dog only people food? Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
One is over-medicated, one is under-medicated. We'll let you guys decide on that. You know her from her fantastic podcast, R.I.P. with Jordan Jensen, and both of them from the fantastic podcast, Be an Ian with Jordan. Sure. Ian Finance and Jordan Jensen, everybody. Respectively. You got to go get paper towels already.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Gets what? Meat. Meat. It's like steak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
And she saves them for the podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
What steak? A steak that you cooked for dinner for yourself?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
I got a blouse coming in at $3.50 if you need it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Oh, you order it in the green room.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Where was this again? Stanford, Connecticut. Oh, you were in Stanford.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
And perfect for doggies. Perfect for doggies. Yeah, one of the servers there has a little doggie. Kimmy, this is Blue Chew. Shout out to Blue Chew. Which you could use, by the way. I'm hard right now thinking about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
and limp noodle over there hey goddamn egg noodle gang listen i can speak from experience as you get a little older a little bigger a little get a little bigger all right the blood don't really run down anyway it used to it's like an old aqueduct from the roman times sure all right so do yourself a favor get some blue chew help yourself out get back in the bedroom and knock the bottom out of that thing you know what i'm saying blue chew is it all show her him who's boss i'm
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
America's Sweetheart w/ Ari Shaffir
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Brunt finally put that debate to rest because they made a work boot that could withstand the toughest job sites while feeling as comfortable... as your favorite pair of sneakers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I just need a sturdy rock. Okay. That's nice. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Wait, this is a real thing? I thought you were joking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at your pitch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Our good friend Ian Fidance is with us today.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I think he's referring to your television program, Dirty Jobs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I said one of the jobs, he could be a studio executive and put the show on the air. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
My penis is more of the guy behind the guy. Let's get some questions.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I know that's what you're laughing at. I know when I see you. When you see her. Huh? Give me it, please.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Put the Fox Soul Show on or something. All right, now it's getting scary.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Play taps. Ian, comb your mustache or something, will you? And now in our human interest piece, local wacko combs his mustache.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Just set the place on fire. Thanks, Dean. Thanks, buddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I got two 20s on my eyes. What? Shit. What is going on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Fucking put the radio down, will you? It's still firing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Man, you the weirdest white motherfucker I ever met. God damn. Where'd we get this boy? They said you was a comedian.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Calling a fire mission on our own position.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Hey, Stranger, the Upside Down. It's a good show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I can't think of why she decided to think about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Hold on there, gang. Before we get the episode started, let's talk about Mint Mobile, baby. One of our absolute favorites. $15 a month over there. And you know why it's so cheap? They don't do the brick and mortar. They do it all online, so they pass the savings right on to you, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
How big is the house with the garage underneath?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
And who built it? Are you getting the blueprints and like, yeah, I like this, I want this?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Is there a secret door upstairs? Is it behind a bookcase? Okay, so before you start thinking of that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Yes, sir. Luke wrote the turkey bit. I just want to tell you that. That's why it stinks. Son of a bitch. Gang, that's either here nor there, because we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, podcaster now, and amateur race car driver.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Aura Frames, baby. The best in the biz. Aura Frames, Aura Frames. Talk about taking... The work out of this holiday season. If I could go to Oriframes and kiss them all in the mouth, I would. All you got to do is go over to the website. Say you got four or five ladies in your life that you got to take care of. An aunt, a grandmother, a mother-in-law, a sister, a cousin, whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
If you draw grandma in the holiday Pollyanna, Oriframes, digital frames sent right to your door. You mount it up, you put it up on the counter. Pictures flow in. That way she gets to keep up what's going on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Yeah, but some about uncommon goods. I love uncommon goods. Just in time for the holiday season. Gang, we're talking about uncommon goods. Spark something uncommon this holiday with the right gift from uncommon goods. The busy holiday season is here and uncommon goods makes it easy and less stressful with incredible handpicked gifts for everyone on your list. And here's the turkey all in one spot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Gifts that spark joy, wonder, delight. And also they give you that, oh, my God, that's exactly what I wanted feeling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
And you have all the cars, like, do you have them, like, lined up, like, parked nice? Yeah. And it's nice. Is it, like, heated down there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Oh, shit. And they're just there, show pieces.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Why are you paying expensive wireless bills when you could be on Mint Mobile and you could be paying $15 a month for the largest 5G network out there? Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
He's got a brand new podcast, the Fat Fish Podcast, which you got to go check out over there on YouTube, wherever you get your podcasts. It's absolutely fantastic. Give it up for Mr. Ralph Barbosa, everybody. Yay! You look like you're in disguise. You look younger than you did last time you were here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
You can always just be like, I'm, you know, I'm fixing it up. I just wanted to take it out for a test drive, whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
So you got your uncle and his family in the house now. So now the family's even bigger on the property. Yeah. And you got your dad in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
It's tight. You guys are a tight unit. Yeah. That's even cozier. Does he have kids, your uncle?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Luke, go get the basketball. We're about to win a Camaro.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
That's a 50 fan right there. So other than the cars, have you done anything in... So you're still in your room at the house. Have you upgraded anything in there? Have you upgraded anything in your dad's house? Because you've been touring for the last year. You got the Netflix check. You got a lot of stuff coming. You got the Hulu special coming out when it's ready.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Damn. And what's the holidays looking like down there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
I would be about that, though. Like, the Italians, they'll throw a little pasta course in a Thanksgiving dinner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
We got the turkey like the Mexican street corn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Send it away from the house. A couple of beers takes a while. Don't put it in there frozen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Goddamn thing's thrashing around. Tony, you got to cut its throat first.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
So big Thanksgiving at the Barbosa. About how many people will be over there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Has anybody come to you over the last year looking for a little handout, a little loan? Buddy. I could imagine. Buddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
But then you got somebody like your uncle that doesn't want it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
And I mean, thinking forward, you know, I was teasing you about wasting the money. You're on your dad's land. You're building a second property. You got the shop now. I mean, these are all investments.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Minus the pants and bottles of water. I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
I was going to say, isn't it annoying for you? Because when I don't know, Mike, I don't know how bad your vision is, but I got bad. I can't see shit. And when I don't have him in, it's like I'm in my own world.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
You know what you do? You start playing everybody horse.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Bring that gas bill over. Bring the gas bill and the deed to your car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
He is not. What? And they have his high school wrong on Wikipedia. They have just Mesquite High School, but you're North Mesquite, and there is nothing on both. Bastard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Start doing donuts in the parking lot. They got Mick Jagger's ex-wife. They need Ralph Barbosa. Yeah, come on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
No, no, that's Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney dated a one-legged chick?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Jerry Hall, this is a deep cut, was a model and an actress back in the day. She was in the original Batman with Michael Keaton. Wait, wait, she was the girl? No, not the main girl. Remember the girl that he was banging the boss's...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Did I just saw it again? Maybe like a month ago. It fucking holds the fuck up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Sure. I was thinking about that, too, the other day. People have different opinions on actors. Have you ever heard anybody say a bad thing? They love them. Or anybody say, I don't really like Danny DeVito. Nobody. Not one person.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
But you were making cash before then. Now you're selling out everywhere.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Kevin, let's talk about Helix mattresses. Oh, baby, I slept on one last night. Yes, you did. Best mattresses in the business. I'm on the California king over there. Big bed for the big dogs. Sleeping like an angel. Love that Helix mattresses. You want to know why? Because you're not walking around a mattress store. You go over there, you take the quiz. They let you find out how you sleep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Do you sleep light? Do you sleep heavy? Do you sleep hot? Do you sleep? cold on your back, on your side. They will tailor a mattress perfect for your needs. They got everything you need over there at Helix. So do yourself a favor, shop Helix.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Let's talk about ShipStation. Shout out to ShipStation, gang. It's for all the business owners out there, for all the small business owners out there trying to make your life a little easier. Gang, a lot has changed over the last year, and if you have a growing e-commerce business, you can absolutely relate to what I'm talking about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Whether you're looking for better efficiency during the hectic holiday season or your business has outgrown your old shipping solutions, you need ShipStation to help you scale up your business.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
ShipStation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with a robust all-in-one order fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e-commerce platforms, marketplaces, and carriers. Yes, it does, big man. It's time to read the copy, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Clutching your pearls as you're crowd surfing with the common folk?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Yeah, go ahead. These Flamin' Hot Cheetos aren't that spicy either. Wait, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, what's the soda that you want in there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
The only other person that I've heard do that is Saddam Hussein. I swear to God. They said Saddam Hussein. See if you can get that fact checked out. Saddam Hussein. Don't link him as one of the worst men of all time. He liked Doritos, and he used to sprinkle a little, like, water or lemon juice on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Yeah. And in that vein, I never, for some reason, I've been eating Mexican food my whole life. I've never come across them until maybe like in the last couple of years. It's chilaquiles. Am I saying that right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Those are like the soggy tortilla. Yeah. It's like the breakfast. They'll have like the eggs or whatever. And that's the same thing as putting like the lemon or whatever. It's softening them up a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Sure. You're not wrong. No, I'm with you 100%.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
He could eat a bag of Doritos in 10 minutes. I'm not seeing the addition of lemon or lime juice. I'm telling you. He used to soften them up a little bit. He could eat a bag of Doritos in 10 minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
See, there you go. I guarantee you that's in there about the sprinkle in the water. He liked to soften them up a little bit. Good for him. That's funny. Have the... Has the palate gone up a little bit with the, you know, the dinners? He puts the lime on the cheese. I'm aware of that. I'm aware. But what about like a nice dinner or anything like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
I don't love them, but I'm into them. I'm into all that stuff. Nice. All the shellfish, yeah. Hell, yeah. But crawfish would be on the lower end. I never really just had a – never really spent a lot of time with them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
What happened there? Oh, man. Any other traveling this year? Have you gone to Europe or anything like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
He's eating seven crab boils. What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
What's the squad when you're rolling around on tour? How many guys are with you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
For the folks that don't know, he's the co-host on the Fat Fish podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
It's sick. Dude, he's 28 and experiencing that. I'm in my late 40s. He's in his late 30s, and we're going through the same thing. We're doing the same thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
They brought my cheeseburger in on a cart. Yeah. Yeah. And we always talk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
We were somewhere and I got something to eat and it had a thing on it. I'm like, what's this? And it was like a little box. Like a buzzer. And she's like, when you're done... Push that button and we'll come up and get it. Oh, man. I put that thing out in the hallway. I thought they were watching me or something like that. I didn't trust it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
What's the right way to do it? Take spam. Why don't you cut it rectangularly?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
He's humping the guy's leg. He's humping the dog. How the fuck do you like it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Was that Let Him Watch from Wolf of Wall Street?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
What about have you have you have you got into any specialty cocktails? Like do you like an espresso martini or like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
She'll chop it up. And you're always picking up the check when you go out on a date with a lady, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
He snuggles with the best of them. I'll tell you that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Hell yeah. All right, we got to wrap it up. So much fun. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ralph Barbosa. The podcast is the Fat Fish Podcast. Yeah. First guest was Chrissy DiStefano. Yes, sir. Chrissy D. Shout out to Chrissy D. It's already moving. Got numbers on. If you haven't checked it out, gang, do yourself. Check it out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Check out his special on Netflix, and he's going to have a new one coming out on Hulu. One of the funniest young stand-up comedians working today. The kid's killing it. We love him. Ralph Barbosa.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
We love you, buddy. Kippy, what do you got for us?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Gang, we love yous. Ralph, we love you, buddy. Yeah, man. Appreciate you, bro. And we'll see you next week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Wait, so was he – was there ever like – when you go into this game –
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Are we indoor or outdoor? Outdoor. You're outdoor. Someone's driveway? My driveway.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Yeah. And is there any, like, after you win, like, ah, don't worry about it, man. We were just fucking around. Nah. I did that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Dude, what the fuck? You're playing. That's the craziest thing in the world.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
You lost the car on a skyhook. I like it. What the fuck, Ralph? That's crazy, dude. And you got to do all the paperwork and all that shit, too, right? You sign it over to him or whatever?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
My close personal friend and or family member.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Jesus. And now the race that I saw that we saw online, was that your first race or no?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it to be classy. Yeah. Or to just a big old piece of trash. Basura. I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties and the New Edition. She just stole the turkey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
And you bring it back to your grandma's house, and it smells like burnt rubber.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
God damn. But now that's something you want to do. And are you in there with a regular seatbelt? Or you got, like, a harness and a helmet and shit? Is there a cage on that thing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Man, the kid likes the action. How many cars do you have now?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
Okay. For Thanksgiving. Got a big one this year, Kippy. You're going to love it. Good for her. All right. Fair enough. Fuck you. Bye. Marcos is coming at me from right next to me, unamused this week. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. He signs the checks, baby. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ralph Barbosa Returns!
chicken fights in the pool. Now I own all the property.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm going to a picnic, and I'm bringing apples, bananas, cards, and dildos, whatever it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And doing this thing to get the fucking long haul. Get the hunker going. Yeah. We were allowed to do that. It was like when we were in the car with my mom, it was relatively lawless. Because she's so nervous about driving anyway. She can't come back and get you. She's 10 and 2. She's holding on for dear death.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
What are you doing? I think that's just a control thing. That's just you going. No, you can't see. I see if I'm making a right. Listen, you can. I'm not saying you can. If you wouldn't be able to see, they wouldn't just have that capability. Somebody would be like, people are dying left and right. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. All right, so this one is trash since 81, $10 shareholder. My grandfather bought a police scanner from a family friend before our road trip to New Hampshire. We got pulled over 30 minutes into the drive.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We had a police scanner. It's like the big fucking, it's just probably like a 90s model. Not for the car, for the house, right? We had like a handheld one that like a fire department guy would have. Like they use in like the town, like a scrambler? Not as a, I don't know. No, it's like a. No, we had like one that looked like a radio. Damn, you had that? Yeah, you're talking the 90s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm saying we probably got mine in like 93. You're talking the 80s. You got mine in, you know, when it had that big, big antenna already out on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
If you're listening to this today, tomorrow, February 25th, live premiere, YouTube. Get in there. We're going to be in the chat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yes. Add somebody very close to the big man. Since he started talk therapy, I have seen improvements. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it also just kind of gives you, talk therapy gives you just a second set of eyes on your problems instead of... Talk it out. Yeah, you just go like, hey, and somebody goes, nah, man, that's completely normal. People do this, this happens all the time, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. You can just make better sense of everything, and it just gives you a little bit new perspective.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And listen, BetterHelp is the easiest way to get into the therapy pool. Yes. You do it from the comfort of your own home. If you're a shy person, you don't want to travel, blah, blah. This takes away all the excuses. I don't have a car. I don't have this. I don't have that. Whatever it is, BetterHelp can assist you with it, and you can get in there and start therapy. You can always change.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Therapist. Therapist, whenever you want. So just get in, start talking, and if you find out you don't like your person that much or you might be a better fit, you can transfer over and get someone else. At no cost, baby. Anytime, at no cost.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable, convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide, over 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. And here's the turkey. Discover your relationship with yourself with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash garbage. You get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Cracking away. We could do a red carpet here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, we're talking delicious, high-potency gummies, top-shelf flour, hand-baked cookies. They got vapes. Anything you'd find in a dispenser, you can now order a line and have shipped quickly and discreetly and conveniently right to your door. You don't need your neighbors in your business. Every Moo products is made with pesticide-free cannabis grown on America's best small farms.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout-out to the American farmers at prices that won't destroy your wallet, best of all. Not only is every Mood product backed by a 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as we mentioned before, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code garbage. One more time, 20% off your first order at mood.com slash garbage, promo code garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
How much is a new CB radio? Probably like six bucks. I know. We each get them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think we're fucking terrorists. I think we're going to go fucking blow something up. Not happening.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's got something. It's got Blu-ray and DVD. That's what they told me. Which, by the way, get your DVDs, gang. Yeah, we had that. I remember my stepdad had a dust. I don't know if it was a 90s thing, but like. Electronics used to be dusty as shit back in the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And we had a dusty, dude, a dusty ass. It was before Dust Off caught on. Sure, but I mean also.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I mean, nobody I knew was using it. My dad's secretary had that. That's it. That was the only person I knew that had it, and she got mad at us because me and my brother were freezing each other's fingers with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
About to go huff this away. Woo! Bad news, kids. It was too tempting to not have fun with as a toy. To be like, I'm going to shoot cold air at you. What are we talking about here? But my stepdad had a... He was... A lot of, he liked the gadgets, right? Single guy at the time, like before he met my mom, single guy, pretty decent income.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Pocket knife, scrant dude, he had everything. All the antennas, the whole CB radio, nine yards. So that was like, anytime we were in the car with him, that was like a treat because you're like, I can play with all this shit. Sitting in my mom's car fucking stunk. But that was like, you felt like you were in the, you know, the enterprise. You felt like you were in the fucking Star Trek.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. What are we, fucking knocking over banks? We're going to be cruising slowly to Cleveland and Pittsburgh in April. Second show's out of both cities. If you get jammed up, you want to be able to make a move.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. We'll do it. We're going. No. The point of the van was not to rob banks. Yeah, to do jewelry heist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was five fat guys in a conversion van. They stopped by Mickey D's on the way out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, I don't think any eating in a car for the first trip or two. No, like you're a lot of snacks. Snacks. No wet foods. No lettuce. No, you can eat all the lettuce you want. I was thinking hoagie lettuce. Is that where your brain goes when you think lettuce? When you say wet, shredded, wet hoagie lettuce. I didn't say shredded wet. I just said no wet foods. All right. You immediately.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're jammed up. No, no sandwiches. Mostly stuff. Well, we normally, you stop at whatever. Snacks. Snacks you can get at a gas station. No fast food or not. I'm going to be rolling this thing with an iron. I'm going to be like my dad. I'm going to be turning around. Okay. I'm going to be turning around hitting you, you motherfucker. Okay. Speaking of, this is perfect. This is from Drew.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Did anyone's dad actually turn the car around if you didn't knock it off?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, you're feral. You got to stay home at that point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That ain't bad. The Forgotten Highway. Walt Whitman over here. You going to charge me a toll? That's the only poet I know. That and like Gary Frost or something. Robert Frost. More time. We'll be back with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, imagine the balls of being a fat little kid riddled with lice and being like acting like an asshole. Like no self-aware, no like, you know what, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. I'm covered in bugs right now. I'm infested with bugs. Maybe I shouldn't break my parents' stones. Maybe that. I had crabs too at the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fuck out of here. Well, the good thing about the divorced parents is they never unionized. You know what I mean? Like, they never discussed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but they were in the car together where we're causing a scene and they both go, you know what? We should have never done this. We should have never had them. I mean, you know. It's got to be. No, so it was. I mean, oh. Big Dan got called in for them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No. It was even more... Something threw you out. Oh, buddy, I thought you two were on the outs. I brought you back together. Dude, I would... Man. No, it was the worst because it was the wait. You had to wait for him to come pick you up. Oh, man. Two weekends from now, you're fucking dead. He'd get called... No, he'd get called at like...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Cold wait. He was constantly on, like, I forget the name of the road. Like, I'm on fucking Fifth Ave or whatever, and it was just like. Ten blocks away, stuck in traffic. Yeah, and the big joke was, like, how long is Fifth Street? It's like, you've been on it for three hours. You called me three hours ago. Jammed up. But, yeah, that was the bad. That was the bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We also got to add in my sister. She wasn't no spring chicken either. Her and Danny would fist fight. She is a little bigger as a kid. Aaron Danny would fucking go at it. Dude, those Sullivan girls, they don't play. Goes right for his earring. So that was us driving down the shore. A lot of times, Denise would try to split us up. I'll drop you off at Patty's. Put you on a bus.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is that when you're doing blow by yourself in the backyard?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The boys can drive down with Aunt Patty. Or I'll drop you off at Aunt Karen's. The boys can drive down with Aunt Karen. I'll take the girls. I had to put you on a bus. I usually had to roll with the broads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. Let's see. This one's from Waffle Fries. Is it garbage? That on a family trip to Florida, my whole family flew except me because we couldn't afford another ticket, so I drove the 20-hour drive by myself. I was 16 years old.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but you got to figure this might be mid-90s or so, late 90s. Gas was 99 cents a gallon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, the two longest drives I ever did, I guess it was three times. I went to and from Myrtle Beach, spring break, and my mom's, like, 97 Bravada. I remember she was like, she got an oil change beforehand. She's like, I didn't have a car. Maybe I had the loom. And she's like, you're not taking the loom. Like, no way the loom's making it. Maybe I didn't have a car. I forget.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This might have been between Loom and Montego. And I was driving the boys down, and she's like, dude, this is how insane the crew I was rolling with. The best car anybody could get their hands on. Was it Tigo? No, it was a 99 Bravada. And it was like... Yeah, everybody that could call in favors to get a car, it was that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Mine would have made it to Dover, Delaware. We were leaving Temple. We were leaving Philly. I think it was freshman year maybe or sophomore year, spring break.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Talk about running out of stuff to say.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen, my transgressions at a pizza parlor are neither here nor there. We're here to talk about goddamn road trips and a Route 66 special. Yes, sir. Which, gang, one of the, we've mentioned it before, but, you know, We kind of started out this whole, are you garbage, was just to fucking have fun. We're really bad with money. We put a lot of money into this thing. We're not fucking trying to sell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm never going to do it six minutes later. Fist fighting some bitch. Fist fighting the neighbor. That just reminded me, I didn't remember, we took, we drove my dad, my stepmom, my younger brother, and Danny. drove from Philadelphia to, like, outside of Quebec for a soccer tournament in my dad's buddy's conversion van. That thing was fucking sweet. I remember it had a table in it. Remember that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think they hit you with license. They hit you with just ID. They don't ask for registration of the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
License and registration. Uh, no, I don't think they asked. I don't think they, they're more worried about the guy coming in than the car. Sure. You know, it could have been very, we are the Millers or whatever. And I could have had, I could have had a couple of balloons up my ass. I don't know. Uh, he did ask me to swallow some bags if I remember. But yeah, that was like, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I remember we did it. No, I remember. So we were up there. And like, pre-internet. You got no, you're just going off. So we're up there with a soccer team, and we're talking. The guy was also my fourth grade teacher.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember that we tried to go to Niagara Falls from Quebec, which, I mean, I think it was one of those things of like, you're up here. Not like halfway across the country. It was far, dude. It was far. Driving back the other way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, and we added it on. And I remember being like... I remember just driving for what seemed like days. As a kid, dude, two hours could have been six weeks. And we didn't stay at any hotel. I think we fucking raw dogged it up. Like, he just fucking heaters and coffee, probably a couple of bevvies, probably a couple of mix.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh... And then we tagged that on. And I remember in his brain, he's like, we're in Canada. Can't be that far. You know what I mean? It's like, just throw it on there. And we tagged it on. And I mean... I felt like we were Moses going through the desert, dude. Missed a week of school. It was so long and so hot. I remember an overheating factor. They're going to hold you back a year.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You miss finals. I'm in third grade with a full beard. My trip was long. Is that Moses? I don't know. That was just an old guy voice. I just remember being like, that was so out of character. One, we didn't go anywhere. We only went Philadelphia to Wildwood. That's the only places we ever went. Remember, my dad would go to South Carolina with his boys in the van, and they'd go, like, hunting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're not doing anything. A lot of people didn't even return the calls. Maybe we would have entertained it. Let's go right out to the fucking, right out to you guys. We need you guys to, as you always have, help us fucking share this thing, catapult this thing, be in the live chat, tell your friends, share it. It's a lot of... It's a fucking slice of America, as the big man was saying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a good time. And he'd bring back fireworks. And to me, that was like, I would go to school and be like, my dad drove to South Carolina. Like, he went to the Amazon. That was, like, the most. Machu Picchu. That was the most exotic place anybody I knew went. A couple of cherry bombs for the kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You'll get a large popcorn. Catch a matinee or something. What are we doing here, dog? All right, let's see here. This is a famous move by our previous boy, rest in peace. This is from E.B. McBurney's. Taking an alternate route to avoid tolls even if it's way out of the way. Oh, yeah. Man, that is a... I remember that would be on Garmins. Yeah. Shout out to Cotton, our old pilot for a long time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Our old road dog. He did all the driving in the Jeep. Uh-huh. And he used to talk about the Garmin like it was a guy. Yeah. I thought they got Garmin. I got the Garmin. I got the Garmin. I got the Garmin. He'd throw it in there, avoid all tolls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
A lot of times you take Route 1 for traffic purposes and you hop on the turnpike.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. He was also the king of didn't want to put too much gas in the car. I remember one time we drove out to Lancaster or something to do a show. or somewhere out in the middle of the state, and we stopped for gas, I'm not even joking, like three or four times. Yeah. And it's like a three-hour drive. We could have filled up and then got there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was also the guy. Smashed a tail later. It was me, him, and Reggie. We were going on a road trip. Same thing. Out that way. When we started and got relatively proficient at comedy. You could get those gigs in, like, just those weird small towns in Pennsylvania.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, they still got that going on. I'll do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you'd bring it. You can do a gig. I mean, sometimes I'd go out and you just weren't getting it. I was a low man on the totem pole, so you're not getting paid. I can give you $30 or whatever out of his bag. Sure. But we went to rent a car, and he, like, didn't have a license or insurance. And he's like, you believe they're not giving me a car? I'm like, what, dude? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like we did Chicago, which is a big city. You know, you see dirtbags from Chicago. You got St. Louis. And we go to Cuba, Missouri, which is like... Missouri. Missouri, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So we had to drive because the Jeep was on the fence of making it the long... No, we pulled up in the Jeep to rent the car. And then... Dude, I think he was going to have someone else rent it. And then... There was like an issue with a license, a credit card, and insurance. Credibility. And he came to, he's in there for like, you know, if you're in a place like that. Half hour, you're done.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Anything over 15 minutes, it's a coin flip whether or not you're getting that service. And he was in there for an hour. And me and Reggie were in the car. And I'm like, there ain't no way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We didn't have credit cards. Yeah, we had to rent on Toro, which, for all the dirtbags out there, great way to get around the major, to get around. Because Enterprise won't rent you a car if you don't have a credit card or a return ticket from that airport, I've learned.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
even if you go hey just take the 500 hold they don't do it uh so toro will do it so shout out toro helping the you got a roadie coming up with the boys yeah helping dirtbags get get on the road uh toro when you're running from the cops i mean that is a shady app also good way to make a couple of bucks it's like airbnb for your car sure i used to pick up just random people's cars
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You just drive into a not a great neighborhood, and you're just looking for somebody, and you're just like, this ain't great. You're getting some beat up fucking car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, if you're like us, daylight savings hits you pretty hard. You wake up, I don't know what day it is sometimes. It's the worst day of the year, and now the one-hour energy shot from five-hour energy, it won't. It will help you out, whether it's a late-night project or just powering through. You're going to need it. We're on the road. I need a little kick in the pants. Boom, one-hour energy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how it's done. The secret weapon is the one hour energy shot. When we're on the road, I make sure I have my secret weapon handy, and that's the one hour energy shot, baby. It really gets me over those little humps instead of doing coffee. It's not the same as five hour energy. that you already know. This one is specifically designed for that little extra boost.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We go to Cuba, Missouri, which is like, you know, a town of like 500 people. We met a bunch of people there, hung out with them, did no show, just hanging. There's a lot of, like, cool aspects of... America, which we had, which I hadn't seen up until that point. You know what I mean? Like cruising through the desert like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is a targeted boost when you need it the most. It is quick and effective energy coming at you high and tight. Provides a feeling of alertness and energy. Helps you fight back against a lost hour during daylight savings time. Keep one in your gym bag, your desk, your car. That's what I do. It's so convenient. You can have it on hand. Check out One Hour Energy Shot and conquer your day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Visit 5hourenergy.com to find a retailer near you and try the limited time One Hour Energy Shot. One less hour in the day. Challenge accepted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one's from Fran. I once made it all the way from Arkansas to Galveston, Texas, and back with no money. Wow. We stole from Walmart and returned it for cards, which we could use for gas and food. Damn. When we needed cash for hotels... and weed, we would steal video games and then take them to GameStop. That's, listen, I don't condone that behavior. That's off the grid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But talk about making it work. What's that distance, Arkansas to Galveston? That's got to be, I mean, sometimes you get into Texas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, you got to figure that's... Multiple scams. That's multiple tanks of gas. That's at least one set of hotel rooms and a bag of weed. The bag of weed's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe back then, the new ones? I don't know. I mean, say they went to Circuit City or whatever was banging at the time, stole an NBA 2K5, whatever, like the newest one. 20, 30 bucks or something. Yeah, went and sold it, which was going. I mean, what did they used to go for? I don't know what they are anymore, but they were like 50 bucks. You get... $17 for it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
They notoriously paid you like a nickel. But, I mean, if you got no cash and someone's going to give you $4, you go, hey, I got five games. It's $20. That's two dime bags where I come from. Joke's on him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dip out. Yeah. Damn, that's like New Frontier type shit. That's like Forging West.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, man, it did not go well. I'm taking a look at the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Vegas. I mean, there's just like there's like the desert trash. There's, you know, Midwest trash and like everything in between. And just, you know, there is this like fiber that connects us all in a corny way. But it was very cool to see that throughout, you know, from start to finish. We've done other tours.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, that was a thing. That was a thing back in the day before E-ZPass or whatever. It was like, how do I get you coming? How do you get away with anything? I get people texting. They're texting my wife. Oh, my God. That just happened. Hey, you owe us a debt. It's about to go into collections. She forwards it to me. It's $6. Freaks out. You figure it out. I got E-ZPass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who the fuck's texting? They probably got my baby. I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. I thought because it was on her account. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No easy pass. We're going off the grid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Stop and throw in a change. That'd be pretty fun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think you can do that anymore. No, some places you can. Oh, throw the change in? No, I think it's just they're all attendance. Yeah. Because nothing's changed. They used to be 30 cents or whatever. Now it's like, I mean, you can't pay an $11 toll with nickels.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Took the ass. Couldn't pass the drug test to join the union. Is that a union job? I'm sure. That's pretty good. Around here? Pretty good. I would imagine that's some sort of, you know, teamster. That's got a lot of money. That's a government job. That's good bennies, good pension. That's got to fall under. Someone's wetting their beak on that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Knew it. I also remember, I don't know if this was all over this great country of ours, which you can see explored on Route 66. There was, there used to be no pennies. Mm-mm. The ones on the eight going down the shore were no pennies. No pennies, no pennies, no pennies. And my uncle, who was a cop, was like, they take the pennies. That guy's legal tender. So we heard that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Every time we drove by blockbuster card, every time we drove by, I drove by a toll and I saw a sign that said no pennies. If you think I wasn't dropping now, I never even did it. I was just dropping knowledge on whoever's in a car. You know, my uncle's a cop on in a 15th. They take pennies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Where it's been like, we fly here for a couple days, be Bob Scat, but this was like this fucking... We were in it, baby. This big journey through the middle of the country, and it was really cool. And, you know, shout out to everybody that came out to the shows. Hopefully you see yourself all in there, because we play AYG with the crowd. Oh, yeah. So it's footage from every show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
i thought our whole family was gonna get arrested and fucking putting shackles i don't know the ticket where's the ticket it's freaking out that was a big that was a big thing on long car rides for us was uh was getting the toll change ready out of the cup holder of course that was like i felt like a banker me dude me and danny he'd be in the front seat i'd be in the back leaning up on the center console and we were all we thought we were on a trading room floor dude i'm
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, I got a nickel. You got 75 cents. You got this. You got that. You got that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, we always, a lot of times, my dad always wanted a receipt for tax write-off purposes, so we were big on receipts. I guarantee you he never looked at those things again. No, he did. He would turn them in. Dude, they would be in a stack. I remember one time laughing and counting. Dude, this is when I was working the book, so this is like 2011. Before he had Easy Pass, he was still.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was also, we had Easy Pass. He would still get a receipt. Be like, I'm going to get a receipt. That's crazy. But they'd be in a stack right here, like right in the visor. And he'd let them get, like, he'd turn them in at the end of every month or whatever. Drop that thing, they go everywhere. Fuck! You gotta think, it's probably a minimum couple hundred bucks a month as much as driving.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ain't lying, big man. We got the live shows from every city on the tour, plus the boys on the bus seeing this great country of ours. It's dropping February 25th on our YouTube page. Make sure you tune in to the live premiere.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I used to do it when we started comedy. I was like, I want to write this. Can I get a receipt for that? Meanwhile, two weeks later, I'm blowing my nose in it. Wiping ketchup on it or something. A little special sauce. Yeah. All right, let's see here. This is from Jeremy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Anytime we went on a road trip with my grandfather, no matter the distance, he would buy a CD at the beginning of the trip and listen to it on a continuous loop from start to finish. One strove from southeastern Pennsylvania to Indianapolis, listening to a Kenny Rogers CD for 12 hours straight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know where you're going. You make it seem like my fault.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then put on, anytime you've ever said it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then say something. Why do you sit there and stew and then boil it over and carry it over? Just go, hey, I'm going to put on somebody. I go, okay, great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was really cool. A lot of bozos and homies making cameos in this thing. You ain't lying. All rights reserved. All rights reserved. You all sign releases. We also had someone else write in and go, hey, can you not include that? I was not on my best behavior, which, big guy, you were included up until that moment. Yeah, good thing we saw that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think you're referring to REO Speedwagon or some sticks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Buddy, listen. Download Spotify. You got Napster. So, like, you're – I love you. But you've been carrying this pain around and this aggravation on my playlist, which I've never said, no, don't change it. I plug it in. I got a co-pilot, six souls on board here. I'm driving. I've got to make sure everybody gets to the gig, safe sound, and we get to check. I ain't worried about that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's in the background. Put on whatever you want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, we were in the car for like, see, you've been holding on to it for three years. This is the problem. Then I don't even know. Then I put it on and you're like, you heard this fucking song.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It literally just goes on and hits, like you plug in your phone and it hits. I'm not searching.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. I mean, I'd go, what the fuck are you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it would be weird. I don't know. I'd have a lot of questions.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You leave your door open. So, like, yeah, and I, listen, you leave your door open. That's for vampires and shit. And you're hooked up to a generator. I'm going to peer in there. I hear a noise cooking. It's like, what's this? First of all, we're not looking at you. It's not the middle of the night. You sleep later than everybody else. So we wake up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We go down and make our scrambled eggs like goddamn gentlemen. Proper gentlemen. Maybe a green juice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, you sleep with the door open. Wild move. In a room full of bros.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Buddy, hold on. So back to our upcoming road trip. You have full control. I want nothing but full control. You have full control over the radio, right? Okay. You got to get Spotify, right? You can build your own playlist. My phone's going to be, Luke can't help you. You got to build your own playlist. Okay. And then you can share that playlist with whoever's phone is plugged in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because we were watching her like, we got to include this guy. And then like 15 minutes later, he ate us up. He's like, dude, do not put that in the.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it's a pretty good service. You should check out. We got full video on there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
2024. That's how they see it. The 2025s are available. Are they? But they upcharge. I said, what's the difference? I got to be honest with you, not really anything. Wow. You talked to this guy? Talked to him yesterday. Good guy. You didn't talk to Fred Beans himself, did you? No, I talked to Gary Beans. You're lying. I am. But also, it's like I come from such dirt bag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I start sending out my feelers to all my group texts. I say, hey, because I'm calling. I didn't get a response. So I go, hey, we know anybody over there at Beansies. I thought we did. We had a homie that worked there. A homie did, but I lost the message or the comment or whatever. I don't know where that went. I can't go back and find that now. As long as the internet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The internet is a busy place. That was weeks ago. But I reached out, and everybody's like, I mean, right away, Pat's like, yo, talk to my dad. Shut up, Mr. S. He was like, talk to my dad. And then by that time, I had heard back already. Nice. But you got to go in with somebody. But then this guy ended up, I grew up not that far from him, like three minutes away. He's like, where are you from?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
the innocent always protect the innocent for sure um very excited for everybody to see it we really are yes couldn't be more proud of it yeah you guys are gonna love it yes uh game changer uh yes tuesday uh if you're listening to february 25th we're gonna be in the live chat mixing it up me big man new guy luke we're all gonna be watching the premiere together uh you know join in there we'd like to really get as much let's put the fucking garbage thrusters behind this thing let's fucking light the goddamn candle
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm like, Bucks. I'm at Bucks now. We're chopping it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, that's what I said. I said, hey, money, you make right on a deal. I'll throw a couple two-tree tickets your way. Half price. Maybe a T-shirt signed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, do we want any kind of... This is in the road trip world. Do we want any kind of... Tin it out. Murder it out. Gunmetal black. Bumper stickers. I feel the garbage mobile's got to have something. If you see the van rocking, come knocking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one is I got pegged at the Cracker Barrel. That's pretty good. I want, like, proper offensive ones.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Ass, gas, or grass. This one's pretty good. I love sucking dicks with my butthole.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That might have to. We might have to get that one. Wow. That's amazing, dude. Oh, we got to get a windshield thing, too. At the top of the... A banner? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like Tootie's Ride or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
What was the one in Kill Bill, the Shaggin' Wagon or whatever? I can't remember. The Pussy Wagon. I think it was called the Pussy Wagon. This is AYG if they're dark now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hold on. Let's see if there's any other solid... I got a BBL at AutoZone. What's a BBL? Brazilian butt lift. That's pretty good. Oh. We got to get something. Luke, come up with a couple of them. Spread cheeks, not hate. Also pretty good. Dude, these are for sale. Who would ride around with these?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You could put me in a little suite in the back. Put you in a lazy boy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think you need snow. I mean. Fuck it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think all that stuff. I mean, like, I don't think we need extra antifreeze with it. It's got nine miles on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That should all get you for, you know. Paninis. Panini press. I'm going to eat the paninis. Yeah. We got to come up with something for the windshield, and then we got to get a guy that can do that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Something like that. Something good. Suck my dick, bitch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, also some magnets. We should put some bullet holes on it. It was. We got to make it, you know, a couple of chromies, nice set of chromies. Kids steal them now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, because we've been so jazzed on road trips, as you know, we started thinking about getting a conversion van, which we're very close. I filled out a credit application last night, right? The business is buying it, but I got to... Why didn't you put me on there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all right. Damn. All right. We got to trick this thing out. Let us know what trashy things we need on it. I say chromies, good mud flaps, maybe a bullet hole sticker. Dude, nothing crazy. I don't want it to look like we were in, you know, Sicario or nothing. Mogadishu. Yeah, you know what I mean? And then we needed some sort of, what are they called? The windshield slogans. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know if slogans is the right word, but you can catch me. How about a couple of sponsors?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. Show them what's up. All right. Let's see. This one's from Big Titted Animal. Great name. Raise your hand if you used to ride in the bed of the truck. that had a truck cover shell on it during road trips from Oregon to Southern California. Love it. God damn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I had a lot of pillows and blankets back there, handheld games like poker, blackjack, and had a CD player and cassette tape player with me. As a young kid... That's like a fort. You got pillows, you got blankets, those blackjack and poker games.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, because they would lose the shot, like the piston would lose the shock or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The longest day of my life. Arduous journey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He probably might have 44 minutes. 42 as fast as Root. You're avoiding tolls. I probably did. I'd drive around the lake. Dirtball. That's too good. All right. Let's see here. This is from Maddie Mack. Family drove the Dodge Intrepid great car from Nova Scotia to Orlando to go to Disney World. Dude, Nova Scotia is at the top of the East Coast of fucking. That ain't 48 minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
30. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. It's 30 hours. You got a family, probably eight a day. Eight a day is crazy. That's a long day. That's crazy. So eight a day, what's that? That's five. Yeah. Oh, no. It's like four days. He said they only stopped in Myrtle Beach. That can't be right. So that's fucking 15 hours. Oh, my God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was my first introduction to people from Canada, was a lot of people did wild, did the Jersey Shore. Yeah. Because it's like they would drive down, because it's out of there. I guess the weather's probably a little nicer, because you got to figure like- Just stop in Rhode Island.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But that water's not that, that's free. I mean, it don't get to like South Jersey level temperatures.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember seeing cars. They were all minivans from Quebec or Montreal in Wildwood and being like, you're from another planet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So you're like, if I can save, you know, $1,500, two grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, so listen, my credit's fine. It's good. It's considered good. What are you sitting at? My credit?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to be honest with you, if you're driving from Nova Scotia to Florida, you're probably getting divorced at some point. You guys haven't made the best life decisions thus far. Things are on the rocks. Anywho. Yeah, you're playing with a half-stache. That's all I'm saying. Not throwing any shade, but... Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's Misney. Yikes. All right, this was from Shy Link. We drove to Texas from Chicago. There was too much luggage that I never had a seat. I laid on a lot of flat services for about 16-some hours. That's so dangerous, man. That's brutal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
About seven now. About seven? Seven. 704, 705, something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Luke had to do that for a very long road trip. He was all right back there. Dude, listen, I don't feel bad for many people that I'm paying, but I did feel bad. That was his first real trip with us. He was all the way in the back. It's like 112 pounds. I know, but, dude, that third row in some of those SUVs, that's why we went minivan. The minivan's always better.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The third row in the SUV, the floor is higher, so your knees are in your fucking Adam's apple. And, I mean, he had Pelicans and hard shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember looking back at some point being like, I can't see Luke. That's how bad it was. Had to do a little editing back then, too. Yeah, he's back there on a computer editing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kid's turning into an all-mic pro. He's doing plugs and a few things that he's saying. That's pretty good where I come from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Look at you, huh? What credit do you have, though?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's see here. This one, I'd like to get your take on this. This is just from Dad, I think. My grandpa pissed in a bottle on a road trip. No biggie, but then this dude dumped it while driving on the highway, and piss just came across the whole side of the van. We were never a pee-in-the-car kind of... I mean...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe once or twice with my dad if it was like... We were younger and it was like... Side of the road. Side of the road, for sure. Dude, all on the AC Expressway. Or if we were like, hey, we can't get over. And I'm like, I'm going to pee myself. My dad's like, all right, find a water... You know, maybe... You must have sucked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember one time I was shitting myself on the way back from an Eagles game. I think I wore a pair of my mom's jeans. I'm not even laughing because I... They were comfortable, and they fit in all the right places. It was so cold that I had to wear, like, I wore someone's jeans. I had to wear leggings under, like, sweat. Because, dude, we went to a game. Thermals. But we, like, a lot of layers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It might have been my mom's, like, aerobics, you know, outfit. I feel like a woman. I'm up there doing the hip thrust.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I remember my pants being so tight, and we were at Byberry in Busselton, and I was ready to shit my pants. Like... It serves you right. Six fucking soft pretzels. I was probably mulching diesels, chicken nuggies, french fries, whatever. And I remember everybody was in the car, and my dad's like, undo your belt. And I was doing that thing where you, like, I was young, so I was not sitting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So I had to apply. Talk to the guy out there. Should we do a plug?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would get, I'd push my feet on the ground and my shoulders on the back of the thing, so I was like... Because my stomach hurts so bad, like, sitting at a 90-degree angle that I needed some... I needed some move. Like, I was breaking off the... You had to loosen up the large intestines. Yes. And I was... I remember... Dude, I remember my dad just being like, let me know if you're going to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I was, like, the first time, like, sweating, really concentrating on not, you know... But... All was fine. We made it home or made it somewhere we could stop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Had to be rough. But I never peed in a bottle. It for sure happened.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nah, I didn't like that because there's also other kids in the car. So you're like older kids, you know? Or my sister's friends.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Old school closer. Freddie Beans. Shout out to Fred Beans at Doylestown, a Bucks County guy. I get chopping it up with him. That should be 10% off the ARP, whatever it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, we were lucky enough. We had enough Wawa iced tea bottles thrown around. I had a pretty big head for a young boy. You know what I mean? Can't fill up a half a gallon. A couple Gatorade bottles floating around. A couple of wide mouth boys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a green tea. Also, guys, my computer died because we're doing a longer episode today. Since we are dropping the special this week, that's making up for the second episode that typically comes out on Thursdays. So come Thursday, Wednesday night, you're looking for an episode, go watch the special. Let that puppy run. And share with your friend. By that point, it could be 10 million views.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. We could be the next Mr. Beast. I could be building my own production company in North Carolina or something. I could be putting electricity in Africa or whatever that guy's doing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's pretty good. We could do that with the homies. To do what? I don't know. Some kind of contest. Give him $10. All right. Let's get back into it. This is one we haven't talked about. This is from Mr. Gambini. Shout out to the Gambinis and the whole Gambini crime family. Of course. Three-hour car ride, and you stop at Wawa with $20. What's the lineup? Woo!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm not getting it on my $20. You're getting it with $20. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're hungry. It's up to you. What do you want in this?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're going to, I mean, let's really keep this rooted in reality. You're going to, what are you getting now? They still exist. They still exist. Do they sell them at Wawa?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're probably right around. I'll give you that. You're probably right at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm probably driving, so I can't really eat. So I'm going mostly snack-based.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I'm a senior eyebrows. I'm pushing 40. I should be able to get a car. I don't think that's crazy. If I get denied a car. I mean, I did get denied that Lincoln not too long ago. That was about a year. Yeah, it was about 14. I did get denied a Lincoln. Damn, that was... Dude, I had to walk out of there because I didn't even have a car. I had to walk down the street and wait for an Uber.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I like days of thunder. I don't know how you do it, so you got six hands. Listen, I'm very – my OCD, I'm very methodic, and I'm very – like, everything has its space, and I won't – I won't take off. I won't start moving. I won't back up unless everything can take a nice jostle and not spill. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got $17.50 left over. I'm definitely going original Cheez-Its. Boxer bag. The little grab bag. Well, the bigger bag, not the little 50 cent bag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, yeah. Okay. So the Cheez-Its go first. Because I'm not doing it for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
The grab-and-go bag. Thank you. A lot of times at Wawa and other places, they only have, like, the Parmesan or the Snapped or that bullshit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll extra toast it, I'll give you. The big ones are just fun. The Parmesan ones or whatever. I'm 10 of 2 here. I got fucking Parmesan dust all over me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Creating a water slick. I'm fucking whoop whoop. I'm bebopping and scatting. So I'm going to do the Cheez-Its. I'm going to do the combos. I'm going to do the gummy bears. I'm going to do a big thing of water. Maybe a pack of gum. And at the time, I was on the heaters. Heaters, but no eaters. So that's about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
A small bag of combos is like $3. Okay. I got like four things for $3. I'm probably under $15. All right. No heaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You put this in a big man's fucking stomach. Acorns. I used to. I don't like eating in the car. I don't like eating while driving. It's just not the same. I like to get there. Let's sit down and eat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Picking up on something here. Just saying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is another one. This is from Pierce. What's an appropriate amount of gas money to give to the driver for longer road trips? I'm talking five plus hours. You got to start with a 20. I think you got to set a terms of, you know, hey, we're going to go one for one on the gas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Still trying to play hardball? That was a bad... Okay, now thinking about it, I might not get this car. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. You got tooties behind it. I should be able to get a car loan. Whatever. We'll see. Put the Buck Hunter up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I also think that the guy driving, unless he kind of demanded to drive, you know. Shouldn't pay for a gas. Yeah, there should be some like. Hey, 60 bucks, it'll fill the tank up. He's getting sweat equity out of this. It's like, hey, listen, I'll. You fill up every two for one or something like that. Or I'll get your hotel. He's got to be making up a little bit on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's putting a wear and tear on his car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Guy who doesn't want to help his buddy out, clearly. What the hell? Pay for the hotel. I'm just saying, whatever it comes to of like, hey, you're driving for six hours and it's your car. Also, these two bozos might not have a fucking car. So it's like, this guy's making a whole trip. Split the room. We'll stay in a room together. Something. You just got to let him wet his beak.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all I'm saying. Whether that's. Snacks I got. Give him combos. I don't care what you do. I got you on the snacks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I never liked that. Man, this is a fucking... I haven't thought about this in a long fucking time. What? Climbing in the back. To get the food that we food shop to take to the shore. Dude, climbing over the back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who are you calling a fat fuck? That's crazy. That's rude. That's uncalled for. But she'd be like, yeah, dude, me and Dan, it seemed like you were crawling into a cave.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, my mom's, the Taurus, I think, or whatever car at the time, maybe the Sebring. That's long, trying to get back there. But the seat would drop down. So we'd drop the back seat down. You could pull that lever. That back seat would drop down. You would crawl into the trunk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We'd be blind reaching in the dark. You had to get past the luggage because the food was always the last thing in there. You put the big bags in the back. So we'd be like... That is like a tunnel rat. Yeah, so he'd be like holding my feet or whatever, and I'm back there just pulling out whatever I can pull out. And then we're also gathering intel on whoever packed the car, typically Danny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's going, it goes mom's bag, your bag, then the bag of barbecues.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get me out of here! Uh-huh. Yeah, just blind, just reaching. My mom had, she'd be like, oh, whatever. Again, she's at 10 and 2. Because she didn't want to stop. No, she stopped a lot, but also, I mean, she's also going. It's a thing of chips ahoy back there. She's like, she's going split the barbecue chips or the gold.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We got the cooler fixed. Yeah, a lot of improvements we're doing around here. But... So that should be landed. Nice guy. Great. Get on the phone. I go, listen, buddy. And then he's like, you know, what do you do? I'm like, what are you going to use? Why is it? Oh, he's like, also, I didn't know. None of these. None of you can't get a loan. People don't get caught.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
A lot of times you open up a fresh bag, like the proper house bag of goldfish in a car. Take the long way, baby. Yeah, I don't care. I'll take 55 all the way down. I got nothing but time. I even think one time I remember opening up a bag of lunch meat, like American cheese, and just me and Danny eating slices. A couple of rolls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, man. Man, I haven't thought of that in a long time. Going back there and getting the food that was for the trip when you got there. We do that up the mountains. Up the mountains used to seem so much further.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're not farting in there. Yeah. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a little bit rougher. Yeah, cheapo. No one's sitting on it, whatever. You just got to cover it with something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Being tied up in it was probably not fun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Going in the trunk. Did you ever do the thing where you put a guy in the trunk and he pulls to see if the thing works? My Montego was the first car I had that had the emergency pulls. The first car any of me and my friends had that had the emergency pull. And we were tailgating somewhere for something. And my trunk was open with the beers. Some kids like my boy Javon's like, you got one of them?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm like, yeah. He's like, let's try it out. Shoved him in there, closed it, boom. Left him in there until the third quarter. He jumped right out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I thought the building was going down. Whoa. Dude. I don't know if they heard that. I'll throw some camera audio. Do some shaking of the camera. That was earthquake level vibes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout out to Frank. All right, this was from Caitlin, $10 investor, never had one read. Going up, we road tripped a lot because my brother had a severe fear of flying, which, like, nice parents.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I remember we flew. That's crazy. We flew down to Florida.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's also the same thing, but it's like you're, you know. Fuck that. I don't know, man. I remember my brother wanted to fly home from Florida. He didn't want to fly home from Florida. And he was like, let's rent a car. And my stepdad and mom were like, you can go fuck yourself. We'll leave you here. I can't work on Monday. Yeah, like we're not driving home shit. Because he was scared?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
People don't give car loans to conversion vans. Yeah, because the chassis. I was like, why is that? I love chopping it up with a guy who knows who knows the beats. I go, yeah, why is that? I was told my credit union told me I couldn't get one. And he's like, because the chassis is like considered like a work van. But it's not like a passenger car or whatever. They run the VIN.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, well, we had the plane. All right, that's different. You jammed up on the way down here. No, not us. And he heard, so it was East Wind Airlines. They had two planes. That's it. Two or three planes. And the other plane had to do an emergency landing for like oxygen or something. Not nothing like the wing didn't fall off. Like something, whatever. They had to do something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
So we were waiting to fly back with people who were on that flight. We were already checked in. We're at the gate. And I remember this fat kid was like, yeah, he was like 20 probably. And he's sitting there and he's like, yeah, we had to do this on the way down and that on the way out, blah, blah, blah. And my brother was like, yo, I'm not getting on these goddamn machines. And he called my dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He went to a pay phone and called my dad and was like, you have to come get me. Come get me. Because my mom and stepdad were like, get on the fucking plane. Dude, we're checked in. No way your dad did that. No, he was like, I think, relatively entertaining it. Really? But also was like, hey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who? Your brother. I don't mean that. He didn't think it through. He didn't get accommodations yet. Also, that meant like my mom or stepdad had to stay with him. I mean, he's probably 13. Just leave him in the terminal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think my dad finally calmed. It was like, hey, Dan, it's okay, whatever. My stepdad was sitting next to me, which he wasn't the guy he's sitting next to. But I remember him going, look, but you can bounce. I remember being like, you ain't scared of this shit. It's nuts. Yeah, it was tough.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. But this is back to Caitlin's question. Growing up road trip because my brother had a severe fear of flying. My family would load in our 1990 Chevy G20 van that my dad had bungee corded a TV to the floor of the van. And we would watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on the way to on the way from Idaho to Florida. Snacks for days and not a seatbelt in sight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Now that's clean. Tell me, Lord of the Rings. What's a Chevy G20 look like? Let me see here. Chevy G20.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It doesn't come back as a conversion van. No hit. It comes back as like an eco line or whatever. So when a cop pulls you over, you're driving like a different car than it's. I don't know. This guy might have been huffing. I don't know what was going on. But he's getting us straightened out. I should get. I should find out any minute if we're sick. I'm a little upset.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. I'm no parent yet, but I would assume that there is some sort of like – That thing of like, hey, you got to get through this. You got to face this. There's up to a point. You got to face the fear. You got to face the adversity. You got to face the fear. You got to do this. Your life's going to be... You got to get on the goddamn plane. I got to work in two days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get your fucking ass on the plane. That's what my dad... That's what my mom would... Get on the plane right now. It's 90 minutes. I got you some candy. I didn't pay $3,000 to come down here and for you to not want to go home. Get on the plane. I got you some candy. I really throw everything she ever bought you. Throw in your face. I come all the way down here. All right, let's see.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is what Brandon. Okay. It's also just funny. You really see the dirtbag places due to the questions. Also, a lot of dirtbag, a lot of guys and gals that listen to the show, a lot of road trips. Yeah. It's all northeast to Florida and like Midwest to Texas. It's like those are like the four. But those are the four. But there are a lot of people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it garbage to road trip from Texas to New Jersey every year during the holidays to incentivize your family to give us more gifts? Hey, we're driving and not flying. You can fit a whole lot more in a car than you can your carry on. They also feel bad. We're coming a long way. How you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. Jersey to Texas is probably four, five, four days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know, but hold on. That's eight days right there. But I think we're looking at this wrong. It's very, I'm not trying to do the plug, but it's very Route 66. The journey is the thing. You're with your once every year. Maybe they maybe they bond on it and they get a lot of good. Hey, listen, we we come from you put us in cars. It's hell in the cell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe these kids were like, you know, we like stopping here. We go to this same, you know, I'm just saying for a lot of people, that could be the enjoyable part. And they hate getting down there and talking to their family. But they're like, hey, our family together gets to go and experience this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, I don't know. That's a... God love you. God love your father for doing that. Sure. That's a tough one, I feel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Might be a pile you can see from the goddamn driveway. Don't be giving me socks or no shit. You're not jamming up my week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
If I was approved, I think I would have found out this morning. And it's like, well, it's one o'clock now and I haven't found out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Start shopping early. All right, let's run through a couple more. This is from Chalk City. Uh... Road trip from DMV to visit uncle outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. What's DMV? DC. Oh. What is it? DC, Maryland, Virginia. Oh, okay. DMV, I believe. Is that right? Get eyes on that. DC to Albuquerque. That's got to be... That's long as shit. That's coast to coast. Almost.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's like four or five days. Road trip from DMV to visit uncle. That must have been a really good uncle. Outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Driving straight. Wait, hold on. Driving straight for 30 hours with my buddy. Drove two tanks of gas each shift, staying awake with a carton of marbred one hondos for driving time and left-handed cigs for sleepy time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This uncle probably ain't great. He's probably a cooker or something out there in the desert. Get their hands on some fucking blue magic. Wait, hold on. Let me see. They drove two tanks of gas each shift. So one guy would figure a tank of gas gets you four hours or something like that. Right? So you're driving four or five. So you're driving like 10 hours straight yourself, cranking heaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Unfortunately, at this time, we are not a yes, I get a lot of that. We are not able to get denied from college all over again.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Probably on the highway. I'd be nervous. Still driving. Yeah. Throw it in cruise control and fucking do the switch. I'd be mad nervous about the other guy while I'm sleeping. I wouldn't be able to sleep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But, dude, it's nighttime. Those lines, that's like hypnotists. Next thing you know, you're taking your pants off in front of a crowd or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's what happened. I've never seen a hypnotist. Have you ever seen one? In person? No, on TV? Yeah, in person. I don't think so. Yeah, I remember they did it at my school like a few years before us, and it got a little freaky naughty for my brother's grade, and they stopped it after that. I think some broad took his shirt off or gave a guy a lap dance or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I didn't want to go to Drexel to begin with. My mom told me I couldn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm Catholic. All right, let's see. We got two more here. This was from Ian. Not a garbage question, but what's the minimum? And I've gone over this. What's the minimum amount of time you need to be on the road before you stop for a bathroom break? We're typically a one-hour crew.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's the sweetest guy. I am a sweet guy. I turn on being a dickhead for camera and clicks. You fat pussy. Now suck my dick with your ass. Get you hungry. What? Stop it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I stop every hour, dude. I'm an hour guy, and if someone goes... Hey, at 37 minutes from the last stop, if someone goes, I'm looking for a stop, I pop out. What's the rush? First of all, we got about six, typically six guys in a van, right? Excuse me. That's six different wieners, six different digestive tracts, a lot of stuff going on. We're not, it also like, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're not eating rice and chicken here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. So I stop. Heaters stop. Pee stops. I got a tiny little bladder. I got to pee a lot of times. No heaters. No heaters. Now there's no heaters. We're doing six hours.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I think if you're driving a lot of people, you've got to get on board. If you're like, I want to stop every five hours, the other guy wants to stop every two hours, you've got to meet in the middle. You're a team here, you know what I mean? Yeah. All right, let's see. This will be the last one. This is from Ricky Ticky Bobwin Wobbin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Once a while back, me and a few buddies were driving from Minnesota to Las Vegas. One of them shit their pants and had to stop at a self-service car wash to hose him off. The only thing open that late in the middle of nowhere. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
While in the middle of spraying the mud off, the door between the stalls opened, and it was an Asian man frozen in shock to see a butt-naked guy getting sprayed by another guy with a hose.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We ran out there. He threw his pants away and had to do the last 12 hours wrapped in a T-shirt from the waist down. Also, who only brings one pair of pants to Vegas? Clean as a whistle. That's crazy. Dude, I would like that once a week, just like a nice, you're going to jail power washing. Oh, the Rambo scrub? Just de-louse you, hit you with the powder.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, you got to spray me down. Also, that's got to hurt, man. You really got to trust that guy with your fucking jewels, dude. Really trust that friend not to open up your ball bag with a power washer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Watch it. Go click the link. The link should be up. Go click the link to the reminder. Share with your friends. If you're an audio listener, subscribe to the YouTube channel. We need it. You got to watch it, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to see it. This is one of the proudest, the most proud thing we've ever made. This is the, you know, we've put the most time and effort and resources into making this as cool as we possibly could for the homies and the bozos. We're so stoked with it. We can't wait to share it with you. Go watch it, please.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It means the world to us. If you guys continue supporting us, we'll continue, you know, making fucking content we think you guys like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
AKA a dirtbag central. Buddy, I'm not knocking you, but if you're taking out two, three Gs here and there sporadically, that's a guy who's jammed up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let me go to somewhere. Let me go burn another bridge. I already called the coke guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. Make me look like an asshole. But yeah, so the van should be happening any day. I should be hearing back any day now. We're going to have it in Pontiac. We're going to have it for the first run of the Back on the Block Tour. Tickets are selling on that thing. So if you snooze, you lose, baby. Sure. Also, little bit of news.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
This summer, there's going to be a little baby Kippy running around town.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to take orders from this fucking kid now. There's now a prince to the garbage throne. That's right. There's a bloodline. You better get cracking so we can have them fight for the rightful heir of the throne.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, he's going to get it. I mean, who's getting your half?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, right. If he's anything like this, he's going to find out. It's going to be a power struggle when he turns four. Congratulations. Thank you very much. My friend. Yeah, so we're very excited. Not nervous at all. Totally chilling. Sure. Not verging on the side of panic attack every two minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's also, that's, so we're talking road trips, and that made me think, like, I don't know about you guys, so, you know. You packing up the kids in the car? Also, any parents out there, give me some advice. I didn't necessarily have a father figure. I'm going to be figuring all this out on my own.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm just saying. I don't think he's got the hands for it. The kid's got a left on him. Look out. Congratulations, pal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how most of the traumatic experiences I've had with... Father specifically was car. You know, the reaching back, the... Of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
She, you know, assaulted her young boy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
We never did a proper road trip as a family. I mean, I have a divorced family. Niecy, I got to be honest with you. I don't drive at night. One, she don't drive at night. Everybody knows that about the niece. Two, I don't think she's ever driven further than North Wildwood. I don't think she's ever gone straight to Cape May. Like, I think the further she's... She's never driven to, like, D.C.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
or Virginia. No? She's never driven. Patty's nice with it. I don't think my mom's ever driven to New York. Really? Well, my mom doesn't drive into New York.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll park at Princeton. A girl from Philadelphia is petrified of what. I think they think it's how we saw, like, the Jetsons, like, flying cars and stuff. They're like, ah! I'm like, Mom, I live right. It's just 90. You've been on a highway. You can drive the Pennsylvania turnpike. You can drive the New Jersey turnpike. She ain't coming, dog. But, yeah, she don't drive. I'll take the train.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'll meet you in Midtown. So we never really had a lot of shore trips, a lot of two-, three-hour trips to the shore, traffic, the whole nine, playing the big thing. Were you a – I spy. I spy was big.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Punch buggy. Punch buggy. Do you remember the lingo to yours? Like it was – Punch Buggy Blue. At some point, I think in the mid-90s, they added no punchbacks. Yeah, that's how fights started with me and my brother, though. Because he would just cold cock me out of nowhere. That's when I first learned that you could be like a Nissan. He would just hit me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
It ain't bad credit. It's not enough credit. Not bad. What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now Spotify. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. But even more important, www.youtube.com. You go over there for the root. 66 tour special that is dropping.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
My brother would punch me with the middle finger out. Oh, dude. Man, that got right to a six-year-old's bone. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Another big one, which I played in my adult years, which was kind of the most, probably the most sober fun I ever had.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
What? I'm going to a picnic. That was a big. I'm going to a picnic. Do you know that one?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, really? I'm going to a picnic, and I'm bringing apples. Then Luke's got to go to a picnic. He's going to bring apples and bananas, and you have to memorize it, and it goes with each one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Driving your name on the court. Local boy makes good. You should make them do, like, a painting of you dunking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Like, right in the thing. Over your dad or something. Yeah, yeah. Closer to him. Okay, but this is Dollar Shave Club.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Which has been coming through in the clutch with the beard trimmer they got over there. Uh-huh. Keeping me fresh and clean. Then I used a razor to get down here to keep it nice and tight. Mm-hmm. Dollar Shave Club, gang. Save yourself a little money. Have it sent right to your door. You don't got to be walking around CVS trying to get behind a steel door to get raises or anything like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And you're getting a top quality product delivered right to your home with Dollar Shave Club.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And he's got a brand new special coming out this week, December 24th. on Netflix, your friend Nate Bargetze. Ladies and gentlemen, he is one of the biggest, one of the best comedians working today. I don't know too many of these other bums that can sell out an arena at noon on a Tuesday. Give it up for Nate Bargetze, everybody. Let's go. Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
What are you talking about? I'm restoring right now. That's right. Let's start getting it all back, baby. All you bald guys out there, do yourself a favor. Get over to iRestore. Turn things around like the Kipperino here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
He was big, man. He was big. Yeah, because he was like technical and like a nice guy. Right, man? That was kind of his thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
The other pitchers were like rough and tumble. What are you, a scout? I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Yeah. I just remember from the Dodgers back in the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
But would you guys sit down and have dinner every night, like after school?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Those are three of my favorite things. Yeah, yeah. Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I like it. Yeah, so up in the bedroom, what were the posters that you would have on your wall growing up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Was there an entrance down and out from there, or did you have to go upstairs? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
They were, your parents were big into the church when you were growing up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
That's what I was like. And the first time I saw him act was in an episode of Louie, and he was great. He just had one small scene. Great actor, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And what about now? Is it mostly Christian music now?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You did. So you're like, I want to be a comedian. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Give us the back story, brother. Give us the origin story. Nashville kid, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
What year did you get that? How did you get your hands on that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I think they're relatively not harmless. They're pretty harmless. Not according to Indiana Jones. Yeah, yeah. Or Home Alone. A little overacting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And where'd you get the alligator, and what was his name?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
When I wake up, I want him gone. Okay, but let's talk about Rocket Money. Shout out to Rocket Money. And let me tell you this, a real-time endorsement, somebody almost caught me slipping if it wasn't for Rocket Money. Oh, you were signed up or something? Almost got me jammed up, and I ain't talking about 20 bucks. I'm talking about this would have been heavy by Rocket Money. Get the email.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's upstairs playing a little online poker. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You're signed up to shit you don't know about. Rocket Money lets you know, and they can cancel it for you in about two seconds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I am not just a spokesman. I am also a client. The kitty cat at home loves the pretty litter. I'm not really a client. I'm not peeing in this stuff. You're just buying it. I'm just buying it for the kitty cat. Because you love your kitty cat. Because I love my kitty cat, all right? And the crystals tell me if there's anything wrong with the kitty cat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
If they got a urinary tract infection or something's going on, pretty litter lets you know. But that's not the best part. You know why I love it, even though it's not for me? What's that? It's lightweight. It lasts over a month. It smells fantastic. Uh-huh. Okay? The cat loves it. They send you a cat toy. Listen, I'm telling you right now. This cat busts my balls all the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And if she don't like what she don't like, she lets you know. And I haven't had one problem with the Pretty Litter. She loves it. Absolutely fantastic. If you've got a kitty cat, do yourself a favor and get Pretty Litter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Yeah. That's a wild ride for the beginning. I'll tell you that. Growing up, did you keep your butter on the counter?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
They put it in the fridge at night and put it out for service, just so you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You're a Heinz man. Mayonnaise-wise, what do you like? You like Hellmann's? You like Miracle Whip?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Okay. The ketchup's on the counter. You're a Heinz man. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Which, just so you know, the come-up is very celebrated. Yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And to where you are now is crazy. The fact that you swept the floor of the venue that you're performing is crazy. I mean, that's insane, man. Oh, yeah. And I mean, I was, you know, in the beginning of the arena thing, you know, on a Tuesday at noon. I mean, you're moving tickets, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
We were a tarantula family, no suits. No suits. When did you learn to tie a tie? And can you tie a tie? I did my high school year.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
That's all out of your pocket, right? If you go to like the Grammys, they don't pay for your suit, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Seinfeld pulls it off great. The nice jeans, nice sneakers, t-shirt, the jacket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
After 10 minutes, I look like a fat kid at the end of a wedding. It's not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
But I like rotisserie chicken. We know you keep it tight now. You do real good with what you eat and all that kind of stuff. Oh, not now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You don't like the onions? Is it because you don't like onions?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I went to McDonald's. I like that. I mean, they're really good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
What's the missus say about that? Are you getting something for the whole family?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You could be at the house with the family and be like, hey, I'm going to order some Sonic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You have a week off or whatever. I know you're very busy. And you and the kids and the missus are going to go out and get something to eat. Is that where you're going? You'll go to like an Outback?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Do you like a lot of, like, do you... I mean, you're doing well. Like, if you guys go to, like, a nice place, are you trying, like, will you have, like, foie gras or anything like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, groundbreaking news here on Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I wonder what they were doing at the thing. They could have been doing something shady. Could have been. And then saw you and then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
What's your typical up the middle, we're having breakfast. What do you like? A couple eggs over medium, like bacon sausage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You're old enough to remember the birthdays at McDonald's, right, with the cake, with the – Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Trying to keep them alive. Can you whistle with your fingers? No. Hmm. I wish I could. Double join it. He just tried. What is it? No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Any fireworks at the house right now, currently? No, not now. Got a pool at the crib? We do now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Yeah. Connected? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. How are you on the tipping? Good tipper?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Get to grab the kid. Maybe worth a couple of bucks. Yeah. Was your dad always a professional magician from the time that you were born?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
What's the missus do in the kitchen? Does she make dinner usually? Yeah, she does. We make like Hello Fresh. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I would assume you got the good pots and pans. You got the Viking range, the sub Z's fridge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
It's the Christmas season. The lights, you got the lights on the house? We do now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Talk about trying to intimidate the other bowlers. I know what you did last summer. What the hell? Scream's your favorite movie? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Man, you might be taking the crown here, Mr. Barchetti. I got to be honest with you. Holy shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Just did magic. And this is local entertainment and old Hickory? No, he would – Or was he on the road?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I love how he's got to act everything out. Two under the head? No, one under the head and holding one. Holding one, okay. Respectable. Respectable. Brushing your teeth in the shower?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Okay. Just to go back with the basketball court, is that already dedicated to you? Is it already up? It's not up yet. Will there be a ceremony?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Here we are. Are you going to have the big pair of scissors and cut the ribbon? I hope so. You should. They should. Have you ever done that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
which is a lot for 8 o'clock in the morning, but she does her thing. Mike Carlos is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What's up, everybody?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
But you can say, hey, get a couple of. She knows. She knows.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
What are we doing here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no way you're sneaking out the Arby's anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
last that's a good time that's great that's like sudden death yeah that's really good um first big check you got From comedy. From comedy? Any crazy purchases. Anything you look back and were like, shouldn't have done that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You're pretty responsible when it comes to all that, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
That's the classiest thing about you. Yeah. That's pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You got a point. Hey. 99 to 1. Look at this guy. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Nate Bargetze. As we said, the special comes out December 24th. Your friend Nate Bargetze out on Netflix. And the Christmas special is going to be streaming on Paramount+.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Which, how crazy is that? You got a Christmas special.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I liked he, I liked, I liked the, the idea of the variety.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
I think it's super cool that you're, you know, super fun bringing that back. I love it. Buddy, we love you. Yeah, man. We can't thank you enough for coming in. Congratulations on everything. You're killing it. You're one of the best we got, and we're very happy for you, man. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
You opened it up with falling down a cliff. Home run.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Okay, what were the vacations like when you were a kid? Where would you guys go? I mean, there was... New Hickory?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
love that money and gang we couldn't be more excited ever incredibly and i mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time he is a very funny wildly successful stand-up comedian writer producer and podcaster you might have seen him in but not limited to you got late night with conan o'brien you got comedy central presents wtf conan late night with jimmy fallon at midnight the stand-ups last call with carson daly james corden the cmas marin
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
He's the champ. We only booked you to get to your dad, if we're being honest with you. And what were your, so you weren't good in school. What was the sports situation? Did you play? I played sports.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Oh, I know what you mean, like CYO League. That's what we have in our area. Catholic Youth League. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
So you would go home after school and then he would come home a couple hours later from basketball practice. Got a big trophy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Wait, we've had a lot of people coming in and do a lot of cool things. That might be the coolest thing I've heard. I assume it was a pretty nice chunk of change.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
He has multiple stand-up specials, including Full Time Magic, Tennessee Kid, The Greatest Average American, Hello World. He's got an amazing podcast, The Nate Land Podcast. He hosted Saturday Night Live twice. Just had a Christmas special drop on CBS, which is streaming on Paramount right now. Nate Bargett sees Nashville Christmas. He's going to be starting a tour in May, Big Dumb Eyes Tour.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
And how small of a town are we talking? What did you graduate with? How many kids? So I graduated 56. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Nate Bargatze!
Man, that is vicious. When did you pick up golf? Because you're a good golfer. Yeah. You got a good swing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Damn, you did satellite TV? Direct TV or just, like, an off-brand satellite? Dish Network family. Dish Network family. That remote looked like something that the Russians made in the 60s. Your neighbors must have thought you guys were...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Tried jerking off to that. It was tough. I tried. It was very hard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I got to tell nobody in this room. www.patreon.com. Are you garbage? You go over there and get all that bonus content.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
We would have footsie under the table at dinner. What we would do is we'd go to free ones. You'd find a lady or multiple people or ladies you liked, and you'd save. No, you wouldn't save. I think you would save the picture or copy it and paste it in a Word document. And then you could put like four or five. You could make them work on one page and then just print that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yes, Bombas also knows little things really do make a big difference, so they've removed all the itchy tags, fits all the annoying toe seams on the socks, and perfected the fit of everything for you. No more socks that slip down, turn around, or underwear that rides up on you. I'll pay extra for that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Also, and if for some reason you're not a fan of what you get, don't worry because they have a 100% happiness guarantee that covers exchanges and returns as well. And also, Bomb, you notice by this point, it doesn't matter which Bombas you get, every Bombas item gives back. For every item you purchase, Bombas will donate another item to someone facing homelessness.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Really, they've donated over 150 million items thanks to purchases from you. Shout out to Bombas. I love the high quality. High quality. Stop shelf. I buy cheap socks. Bombas made me stop that. Buy high quality stuff. You feel like a gosh darn gentleman. So try Bombas now. Head over to Bombas.com slash AYG. Use the code AYG for 20% off your first purchase. That's Bombas, B-O-M-B-A-S.com slash AYG.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
extra flavor and here's the important part a little hydration how you doing make you feel good yeah you can set yourself up with a subscription and have lucy delivered straight to your door guys lucy's been doing it for a hot minute they know what they're doing they got a great product it's fantastic if you're in the nicotine game which listen i know a lot of you are they've sent it to us the whole team give it a shot the whole team
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
using it over here. New guy Lukey's on it. Foley's got the breakers going. It's a gosh darn good time. So let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co slash garbage. Use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order. That ain't nothing to shake a stick at. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Listen, that's a good company.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
They trust the product, as should you. Again, that's lucy.co. Use the code garbage to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified, by the way. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
The confidence of a young teenager not to clear cookies is great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's a virus, you dumb bitch. These goddamn pop-ups. I was doing work for school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I would have to clear cookies, clear history, and then I would open up the browser again and start typing to make sure nothing popped up. Sure, sure. I'd type in, like, sex or horse or whatever. It makes you a nothing autopilot. Horse.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
The big man ain't lying. In March, we're starting back up on the road. We're going to Pontiac, Michigan, Indianapolis, Indiana, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio, and Atlantic City. All tickets available at rugarbage.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
That's probably not when he's back in, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
King of Queens, shit like that. Everybody loves Raymond. Hogan's Heroes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
They were not running that in 2000. They ran it all through the 90s. Not all through the 90s. Yes, they did. Until 99. See when it was syndicated.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You're crazy to think ABC was playing Hogan's Heroes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
But it wasn't like flowing like crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
They weren't playing it every day in the summer. No, it was Frazier.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
All right, let's see here. We got, you know, we got a couple bigger, we got a couple bigger gentlemen here who like to dabble in, you know, starchy foods. Sure. This one's from Professor Moist. $10 shareholder. Is it garbage to put ketchup on a mashed potato? No. No. I... Yes, it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
To me, it's like putting it in soup. It's like too much of a liquid to put on mashed potatoes. You're creating some weird fucked up soup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's garbage. First of all, you should.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Don't tell me you didn't chub up a little bit when he said that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Hold on, hold on. Let me put it. Where are you where there's ketchup available and mashed potatoes at the same time? When is that on the table? Or a diner? You're getting mashed potatoes at a diner?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Because I use mashed potatoes as an adhesive for the rest of my food on the plate. You get that on this fork, and then you dip around and collect everything.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah. That waiter's not going to go, sir, please, the chef does not recommend this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
He's going to be like, here you go. You want some mustard, too?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I brought you some barbecue sauce.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
No, me too. Really? We were solid. That, to me, was always like a thing that my mom, I mean, Irish, it was just. You're doing potatoes. Right, right, right. It was sacrilegious not to do a box of it. I mean, also, what's a sack of potatoes? Fucking 45 cents? You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, make it nice. They're a chopped ingredient. What did you do with the boiled potatoes? Exactly, exactly, exactly. Shout out to Chopped, by the way. Great show. Great formulaic show. I'm in. I love it. It's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah. If it's a little too cerebral.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I respect the shit out of that. Get everybody on a payroll. Salute to him. Make the Food Network pay for everybody's goddamn salary.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, I'll come back and do another season. This is my third cousin. He's a gaffer now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
No, they don't come in a can. You make them in a can. Yeah, and then when they put them on the table, you take the can off. And it's a perfect fall and mix of ingredients. I like that. I'm a big thing is they say make them in the fucking air fryer, which I haven't done.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Have you ever made nachos in the microwave? No. Yeah. It's the best. I loved it. Just cheese on tortilla chips is so good. Kraft Singles cheese. Break them up and put them on a- Kraft Singles is tough. It's got to be a shred. It's thick enough.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Like we were going to tackle the big topics. I wanted to get back with the brain trust and really talk about topics.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Well, I didn't know they were interchangeable. Then we were at your wedding, and I ordered the breakfast bowl or whatever it was, and I asked for extra sour cream, and she's like, sir, there is no sour cream in there. And I was like, I had it yesterday, lady. There's fucking sour cream in it. I was like, the white stuff. She's like, that's Greek yogurt. Oh, and your chili chiles?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, I said, all right, well, hit me with a double dose of the yogi.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Do they know you when you go in there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's not like, they're not coming, it's not like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, it would liquefy too much, I feel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Sure. He can't swallow anymore. It's Thanksgiving. It's Thanksgiving.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
All right, let's see here. This one's just funny. This is from Cody, $10 buffooned. You ever watch the YouTube tutorial on how to count cards while you're flying to Vegas? Talk about plan B. Talk about just needing a chip and a chair, dude. Just like one last swing at it. I love that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's not skill. It's numbers, idiot. It's statistics. Keep training, Foley. Keep training. You'll get them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I genuinely love you think it's their skill is coming into play.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Dealers. Most of them are drug addicts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
No. Why wouldn't you just be a good card player on your own?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You're playing against – you're trying to beat them. Yes. So you make the moves, and if you bust, they still take your money even if they bust. Wow. You see what I mean? Yeah, no, I got you on that. Like you're trying to beat – you're actively trying to beat them. They're operating under a set of standard rules. I just feel like more often than not. And you are an idiot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You think some guy was just really good at like Caribbean stud and they were like, all right, you're the guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
So start 2025 right. If you're thinking, how am I going to make this year different? If you got an idea, you're a craftsman, you're a woodworker, you're a something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
This is the year. Take a shot at it. It's easy with Shopify to set you up and start selling your goods online. We are a Shopify company. Family. We've been using Shopify for years at this point. Moving merch. They make it easy. It's a drag and drop, bada bing, bada boom. You are out the door. You get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
No coding or design skills required. Thank God. Our crowd is blue collar. They ain't no IT. Not about zeros and ones. Yeah, you guys aren't no geek squad out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
They have social media tools to let you connect all your channels, create shopable posts, so everywhere people scroll, they can see you. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com slash garbage. All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash garbage to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
We're up there talking about mashed potatoes. It was just a David Mamet play here last week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Doyle Brunson. You're not Phil Ivey. You're not Scotty Wynn. Yeah. I totally wasn't one of those guys. Yeah. We were big. Yeah. I mean, we were big poker players that hit in high school for us. And it was like we just became high school. I'll give you. We were degenerate. We just liked gambling. And it was like I had probably I used to make I used to work at an Acme bag and groceries.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I probably made like one hundred and fifty bucks a week. We would take that money. We'd pick up our checks on Friday and then just gamble that money immediately. Whether in cards or sports. And it would be like, I'd bet $100 when I had $150. Right. So I'm addicted to that, of like, I could go broke. And for me to do that now, it would be just way too irresponsible. Too irresponsible.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
That's mature, Kevin, now. That's like if you're playing roulette, and let's just say you hit a number and you add whatever, five bucks on it, and you win. They give you a black chip or like a whatever, a colored chip that you're not playing with. That goes in your pocket. Yeah, yeah. The bank, Kippy calls it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
And then it's like, oh, if you go on a heater and you're like, I got 500 bucks in my pocket, let's get the fuck out of here and go get a fucking mashed potatoes and ketchup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I will say gambling. We can talk about that. We're just walking around in all kinds of fucking scantily clad outfits. By the way. That was my first boner as a kid. I dare you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I heard they're doing a Hogan's Heroes reboot. It's in the works. I'd be all over that. Where do I audition? All right, let's see here. This one's from Aiden. Are you garbage if you combine cold brew and Dr. Pepper? I saw someone do this at a Panera Bread one time. Added a little creamer and wowee. Creamer? If you think about it, it probably makes sense. It adds a little carbonation. It's sweet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's got a little bit of a bite to it. I'm right there on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I'm an asshole? You don't like Penny Marshall? I like Penny Marshall. They did it on Hamlet all the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
That's what we do to Foley. This is all dubbed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Oh, horse talking? Okay. I'm not an idiot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Of course. It all feeds into each other.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Anytime you're combining that kind of stuff that's not- Ultra processed foods. If you're combining stuff on your own and the restaurant's not doing it, you're trash right away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
37 grams. I gotta get my glucose check.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You're losing me. A couple apples.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I agree. Well, that's what... Yeah. I mean, anytime there's manufacture, you're adding manufactured flavors or something, you're losing the... I mean, it gets better taste-wise. It's good or whatever, but it ain't classy. In theory, that is why they're doing it. Right, right, right, right, right. Sure. You know, but hey, it is what it is. All right, let's see. I've never thought of this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
This is from Kristen. Is it garbage to throw away a beer can in the bathroom trash can? It just never feels right when you do it. That's like you're hiding something. Yeah, it's just like toilet paper, a toilet roll, and then like a fucking Miller Lite can. It don't feel right. Yeah, that's got a cigarette butt in it for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, I would say it's... For your empty bean cans. Re-fry, put them in the microwave first. Because they're not going to heat as quick as the chips.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
A hundred percent. I've seen them pull up and throw all this shit into the same truck and keep it moving. All right, fuck it. I don't give a fuck. You're right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Exactly. What the fuck? But it was the ultimate stab in the back because it made you itchy. It made you itchy. It wasn't even like, hey, if I touch it, it's just not candy. It also hurts you. Right. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
That'll fuck you up. I know that firsthand. All right, let's see here. This one's from Zach. Faithful Navy Federal member. There you go. Is it garbage to not acknowledge that during Christmas your dad didn't wear his toupee for the first time in 40 years? All the kids kept asking Uncle Don, where did your hair go? That's a strong move. I respect finally letting it go. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
And just going, I'm not saying shit. Well, I'm just going to. Yeah, I feel you got to walk in and go, guys, I'm not wearing it. A toupee in 2025 is wild.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Is it garbage? And I guess just not acknowledge like just the family. It's more family dynamics behavior. If you're all sitting at Christmas dinner, some guy who's been wearing a wig for 40 years isn't wearing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Of course, and I respect them for doing it, but I think it's a dysfunctional family for everybody to just fucking look down at your plate and go, hey, what's new, Uncle Steve?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
There was ketchup and mashed potatoes on the table.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's like, yeah, get that off over the first day. Second day, there's a couple of jokes. Third day, it's like somebody shit themselves. We're moving on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You have 20 beers a week? Oh, you're counting beers, too?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I'll just be on a good show. I'll just have someone else do all that shit. I come in for two, three weeks, get my laughs, my craft services, and get the fuck out of there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Fuck it. I'm not going to make one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
All right, let's see. We got time for a couple more. This is from Brendan. $10 homie here. Never have one read. Is it garbage at my family? Had our family Christmas party at a bowling alley, but no one bowled. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, I mean, maybe it's just for the space. I mean, we've been to smaller towns or whatever and stuff, and it's like that could just be the affordable rental place.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I'm closer to eating it. Yeah, exactly. If it doesn't hurt me on the outside, it might not hurt me on the inside.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, I'm telling you. And a bar attached to it. I've done comedy clubs where like in like... Liberty Laughs. Upstate Pennsylvania where it's like that is... It's in the strip mall. It's like... That's the bar, too, where people hang out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It is garbage. Oh, 100%. I'm all about it. A lot of times in college, we would go there because it was like dollar beers or something like that. Plus the chicks. Plus the toothless broads. I show up with a bag. There's no ball in it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
That was in a good mood. Yeah, true. Put it that way. Yeah. Yeah. That ain't bad, though. That's a tough one. I'm sure you can find another haul next year or something. Or a bowl.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It's kind of like they all made a pact. Like, they're too fucking good. We're not like the other people. We don't bowl. Fuck out of here. All right, let's see here. This one's from KJ Peterman. Is it ever okay to boo at a funeral? Dot, dot, dot. What the fuck, man? I was at a funeral, and the priest mentioned what soccer team the dead person supported, and someone booed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I could see that happening at an Eagle, out of fun. Like, yeah, if someone's like, ah, he loves the Dallas Cowboys, someone would be like, go birds, or something. Fucking pussy. That's your goddamn grandfather. Whole family full of rats.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
A set of boots on them. Yeah. A set of Timbs. Unlaced red Timbs, which I saw Big Jay wearing a couple weeks ago, which is crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah. But even when he dresses up for a funeral, like I've seen pictures of him dressing up. That's always a little bit of Big J. He dresses up like that guy who would be dressing up for a funeral. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's got his look.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Chain wallet was still rocking. Yeah, you got to have ID on you. Chain wallet. Black button down. How are you going to pull?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Kippy, what do you got for him? Guys, we're announcing new dates very soon in the next week or so, so get those tickets. They're going to be available at rugarbage.com. Stavi, we love you. Yep. Gang, we love you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You have to hire so many union workers. You're working for an upside down. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Can we get anybody with a pretty bad drug problem? Right here, sir.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I got a whole score of dumpster full of fax machines and typewriters. They got good printers in here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
You were there for a different reason. I was there to smoke weed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
One of the first business lunches I went on was a Panera Bread, and I'd never been there, and I ordered the bread bowl, and the guys looked at me like I was... What was this for? It wasn't a business lunch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
It was a pair of gray slacks that I got at TJ Maxx that I wore for every event ever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
with an aquamarine shirt and like a fucking shiny uh it was from express the monochromatic colors yeah payless shoes but i remember i had to do that they were my brother's shoes i remember doing that thing we're doing that thing there's a bigger guy you'll know this where the the the dress pants have that double button right but i couldn't get lined up so i absolutely The abridged version.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Yeah, but I was able to clamp. You would hook the hook in the loop? Oh yeah, I'm fucking, dude, I'm grasping for straws here. I gotta make room for the bread bowl.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Just praying, baby. A belt will save you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I'll never tuck a shirt in again. I'm aware of that. I'll never wear a tie. There are three more times in my life I'm probably ever going to wear a tie. Right. One's in the casket. Well, yeah. I'm still going sweater.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I thought that was cool. My favorite, did you ever see when those guys took their dead friend into the nightclub and propped them up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
He had like bottles and sunglasses and they were all posing with him. And they told the club that it was just like a memorial service. They didn't expect him to be there. Like they just thought it was like in honor of him. Oh, wow. And dude, they posted up. They were all taking pictures. It was great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
All right, but we got some goddamn garbage questions to get into from the Patreon. As you guys know, when you join the Patreon, we'll answer your garbage questions on the air. This one is a home run because I felt this my whole life, and I've never been able to verbalize it. Okay. This is from Bree Nutter Butter and Jelly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Is it garbage to be in a 20-year beef with actor Seth Green because he dissed E in the show Entourage? I hated fucking Seth Green ever since that happened, and I don't know why. It bothered me on a cellular level. Say hi to Sloan for me. Yeah, fuck that guy, dude. Fuck that guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
No, but he played himself. That's what bothered me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Hey, what up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, and now full video available on Spotify over there. The kids got in over there on Spotify. Still waiting on a check, by the way. Just in time. Just in time. Catching the wave, baby. Full video available on Spotify. Then obviously the greatest website of all time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
To me, I was seeing it as like- I bought into it like I bought into the Blair Witch. Right, right, right. This is real. This is 100% document.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
Come on, man. I want to see him in Scorsese, whatever they linked up to do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias
I think I think I don't know if it ever happened happened it was just he thought he was down and out he was moving back to Queens and then he gets the call at fucking drama's bar that what was the again this again you guys are something you guys are confusing uh fictional tv show for reality
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Field Trips Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Field Trips Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Big & Tall Boys w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Big & Tall Boys w/ Kippy & Foley!
There's always one bozo that don't have their shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Big & Tall Boys w/ Kippy & Foley!
Just a couple of guys wearing our new shackets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Big & Tall Boys w/ Kippy & Foley!
You weren't doing the fashion show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Big & Tall Boys w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's got some eyepiece on his arm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
What did it do in the box office? That killed it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
224 million? Back then, that's like 8 billion.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
What's that have on Rotten Tomatoes? 58. They don't fucking know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
This, that, the other thing. Those are Suboxone. Okay. Yes, you are taking great strides. If you're not on the Patreon, Foley's going through a journey. He's taking great strides in himself. Yeah. Got a salad for lunch today. Threw it at me. I was promised a submarine sandwich.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Simple hair color was started by Sneh Hall Patel and Mitch Brown, two men who appreciate better dyeing options for hair and their beards. They endured the mess of home dye kits and the harsh ingredients of salons for years, and they developed their own safer, simpler hair dye for men. Simple hair color. There's no need to buy a separate beard, hair, touch-up product.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
A single can of simpler hair color will have them cover all. Woo! Plus, one can of Simple Hair Color provides as many uses up to four boxes at drugstore and night. There you go. You're saving money, daddy-o. You're doing the beard. Yeah, plus Simple Hair offers free shipping and free returns so you can try Simpler Hair Color risk-free. Right here's the turkey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Say goodbye to graze the easy way with Simpler Hair Color. Head to simplerhaircolor.com slash AYG. Use the code AYG for 10% off your first order. Once again, simplerhaircolor.com backslash AYG for 10% off. Use the promo code. Tell them the boy sent you AYG. We love yous.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Get ready to rock and roll. Yeah. We did a Patreon episode. I had my tootsies out. I got a lot of heat for having holes in my socks. My wife saw the comments, was quite upset, ordered a bunch of Bombas, baby. Should have smelled them. They got head-to-toe comfort. You get spring socks. You get fresh white T-shirts, waterproof slides. They got a few pairs. Buttery soft underwear.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Whatever you need, Bombas has you. Best of all, for every comfy pair of socks you purchase, Bombas donates a comfy pair to someone facing homelessness. Socks are like one of the most requested things in homeless shelters, and Bombas is helping out. Look at that. Bombas is going international. Enjoy worldwide shipping to over 200 countries. God damn, take it over. They're going international?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Head over to Bombas.com slash AYG. Use the code AYG for 20% off your first purchase. That's Bombas, B-O-M-B-A-S.com slash AYG, code AYG. 20% off any none to shake a stick at. 20% off your first purchase. Bombers.com slash AYG. Code AYG. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
What are we talking about? Armageddon. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
You went in a big circle and came back there, nine of your family members died, and you brought it back to fucking the getting. Shout out to it. I didn't know where we were. He's like, and then he died, she died, quick one, and a little kid died, and I died, and what are you talking about? It's like reading a goddamn obituary with you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Is it garbage if you can smell that somebody smokes inside their house from outside their house? That's Eaterville. Holy shit. That's pretty good. We have that in our apartment. The guy on our first floor, he's one of the supers. That's an indoor SIG house. Not all day. He goes out, like, but I think morning and night. He's ripping heaters. Especially in the cold.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Oh, you open the door. Boom. Wow. There's also someone below me or somewhere. I can't peg it. I like it a little bit. They're cranking heaters, and you walk into one corner of the living room, and you're like, whoo.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
You look like the fat guy from Mr. Deeds that he beats up in the nice restaurant. The opera singer. Pull that, drop that in right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, it's just so like... Yeah, I kind of like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Sure. I forgot I was talking to fucking Dr. Dre over here in exhibit. I smoke bags, dog. And then immediately freak out. I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, when I fucking get his shit. It reminds me of every shitty house I've ever lived in, and it makes me sad. I'll give you that. I'm just like, ah, there's a guy smoking a blunt on the couch right now. Then I'm sleeping on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, that's what it reminds me of. Hanging out. Someone finding a couch that someone's being thrown out, and I'm spending too much time on it. You know what I mean? Sweating, and it's making the back of my legs itch. This is a very specific couch I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about. All right, this one's from Smashing Blumpkins.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
This just says, my buddy says supper instead of dinner. We've talked about this. He also holds his utensils with a clenched fish, like the Angry Arthur meme. That's how you eat supper. That's... That's like there's no elegance. There's no refineness. That's like manual labor. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I was very divisive if I do recall. Yes. Some were saying you were wrong. Some were saying you were right. I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Why is that? What do you mean? I don't get that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Supper is the evening meal. Dinner doesn't refer to a specific time, yet it always remains the main meal of the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that's never been anything used for us. All right, this one's just funny. This is from Blimp and Grind. $10 homie, never had one read. Yous ever had to use someone else's spare tire? Dude, you are jammed the fuck up. My mom did. Really?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I would argue this is when, like... Things are way cheaper now and readily available. Right. You didn't have to, like, order it. Hey, the port's not coming in for five days. You got to whatever, whatever. And shipping and handling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
You got that dirt all over you. The soot. I've done that and been like, this is just going to live in here for who knows. I'm never taking this out. At one point, I had a tree stump and a tire back there. A tree. Yeah, we were making an end table or something right when I started dating my wife. And this was not that long ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, I opened the trunk. Akash had to put something in there. And he's like, why do you have lumber and a tire? It was like... Wait, who was going to make the end table? We had made one. You and your wife? Yeah. Where's that now? Fire pit or something. We got rid of it when we moved some apartments. Made an end table? Jeez, my wife likes making stuff. Where'd you get the tree stump?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
My brother-in-law's house. I've never told you this story. So there was a thing with, like, we'd take a tree stump. See if you can find tree stump and table.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I see what you're talking about. You take a big trunk, cut a six-inch or four-inch slice off of it, still has the bark, you coat it with something, and then you put legs on it. And that was our end table. Yeah, we put legs on it. Where'd you get the legs? That's a good question. Ikea, probably.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Hey, guy, I don't fucking know. What do you mean? Why are you breaking my balls? This is six years ago. I'm making my end table. What? I don't want to make your end. Yeah, it was a different take on the big chunk one. Also, at the time, I lived in a five-floor walk-up. I ain't walking up with a fucking three-foot tree trunk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
My eyes look like they're falling out of my head. Is there an eye cream? No, I got to go to the doctor. What do you mean, eye cream? You haven't slept in 12 years. Sometimes I'll do... I got those little eye things, like the pads. I'll do them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Now you're on my side here. A little bit. But I had a second one of those in the trunk still. We only made the one. We didn't have enough space for two. I only made the one, and it lived in the Montego trunk for four or five years. There's vines growing out of it. There's a frog on it. I didn't take it out of my car until I turned my car in as a junker. Probably good for the snow, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, for sure. You got to wait. I was in my mom's Bravada, and I got a flat tire on the Newtown Bypace, and I couldn't for the life of me find the spare tire. They were either – all the cars I ever had was, like, the trunk – Under the carpet of the trunk. Wasn't there. It wasn't. It was an SUV. So I'm like, oh, it's in the back. Like in the. Was it underneath? It was underneath. And I said.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Fuck that. Dude, I didn't know. What are you, in the army? I didn't know where it was. And I'm like, ma, you ain't got no fucking. You ain't got no spare tire. That's crazy. And it was under. You had to like get under that. I lay on the side of the bypass. Fuck that. I remember I just got, I just went to Foot Locker and spent my whole paycheck on Nike, no, fucking Jordan shorts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Like actual Jordan shorts. Because I used to get the bullshit Foot Locker brand and they sucked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Who wears shorts out of the store? I wasn't on my way home. It was probably like a day or two later. I had a pair of black and white basketball shoes. You couldn't tell me shit. Pockets and everything. Because I used to use the Foot Locker brand and those things stunk. You rolling a pair. Your and ones are very of that. They just stink. I got a couple of Dick's store brand. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
And I had a brand new- Athletica. Yeah. I spent all of my money on those shorts, a pair of slides, like Nike slides, and new socks because we rocked socks with them back in the day. And man, I had to get off the other side. I fucked up all the clothes. I remember ripping the slides as I was crawling out from under the car. I was so pissed. I've done that. I can't have hot shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I can never have hot shit. I'm not going to be the hot guy. I can't dress right. You're our only hope. Blow it out of flip-flop. Catching a flat tire? Man, no spare for that. I remember one time one cracked. I think a pair of Adidas or something cracked and I tried super gluing it. That didn't hold for shit. Got your foot stuck in there? God, it stunk so bad. I got a tire.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
My one family. But they don't all fit. Like, they're not just interchangeable. Like, the rim. I guess the top. No, but everything's different.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I'll do them on the... Yeah, if I got bad... I mean, I get baggy eyes. A couple of Jan sports under here. A couple of book bags. And, yeah, sometimes if we're on a road and I'm groggy and I'm hungover and I'm drinking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, I've always pushed it. You know, hey, you can do 50 miles at 50 miles or under 50 miles an hour. Yeah, I just always, always. I've put air in a donut. Fill it up a little bit. A little dabble, do you? I'm riding. I'm riding on the rims on this guy. Four donuts. All right, this one's just funny. This one, Tootie's Tummy Tuck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Is it garbage that every time I see anything Dale Earnhardt related, I can't stop from saying to myself, God needed a driver. That is some dirtbag shit. All right. That's just great. This is a bit of a story. This is from Chad. Never have one read. I was traveling for work, leaving the Milwaukee airport, and flying back to Nashville, Tenneke. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
In line at the TSA checkpoint, and the lady in front of me had her carry-on bag inspected. When asked why it was so heavy, she said it's full of loose change and white castles. She said she wasn't going to eat the White Castle at the airport because they don't have White Castle in her hometown, and she was bringing them back for her husband and her kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
She said all the loose change was because she visited Milwaukee for a funeral, and the deceased family member left her all the loose change. The bag was so heavy, the TSA agent had to lift it with two hands.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
How is it? Could that be? Is that how it is? Well, they give you all the loose chain. You figure they cut you a check or something. That's crazy, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Dude, at no point. Listen. I've done a lot of bozo stuff. At no point would I ever be like, I'm going to flood. Imagine getting that in the overhead carry. You got to get that up over your head, tiny little girl. All them burgers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That feels like it should stay in, like, a school bag or a purse. That doesn't go in the luggage. I agree. With the money, it takes, like, pennies. All them loose burgers and change. Get a nickel in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
No, just go to bed. That's so bad. Just going to bed. I do it, too. I take a pee. I lay down. I like to get a fresh water if I can. That's about it. I like a nice glass of water. I wake up in the middle of the night mummified. You brush your teeth before you go to bed every night? No. Every night? Absolutely not. Wow. Does my wife like it? Absolutely not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Eating burgers that have been on a plane is crazy. With pennies in them. You know, burgers to TSA. Yeah. At no point would I ever say, let's fly all this change home. I'd go like, okay, thank you. Thank you, and I'm sorry for your... Well, I mean, also, how much change is a suitcase full of change? I don't know if it was heavy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Say what 50 pounds of loose change is. Quarters. No, not quarters. You would have said quarters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
It's not a couple grand. Well. Not well. You said it was not a couple grand. Also, go hit the Coinstar. It's already in the just drag it drag bag. Shout out the drag bag right to it. Bada bing, bada boom, you're done-zo. Yeah, no way would I fly with the change. Burgers, burgers or whatever. I mean, that's crazy to me, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Airport. I get the air train. Cab. Rental car. Yeah. I mean, I see what you're saying. Listen. Fries. That's ridiculous. I'll give you that. Sodas aren't going to be cold. Ice is going to be melted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
This one's from Matthew C. $10 bozo. Is it garbage? I have multiple condiments on my nightstand. I wish I could attach a photo. It's bad. God damn it. I have a very adverse reaction to this because for a minute, I slept near a Frank's Red Hot and Sriracha that was way too close to me. That was on a coffee table, though. No. Why would you have that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Al, it should be in the kitchen. Anything that should live in the kitchen should live in the kitchen. In your bedroom. You don't know this setup. Maybe he lives with like three roommates and it's like, hey, it's just easier to keep there. Yeah. Crushes him in there. That was kind of my thing. I was also doing a lot of eating in there. We had lost the middle to the mice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Flip's room was on one end, mine was on the other. The no man's land got a little hairy. We're doing a lot of eating the chicken, cheesesteaks, and french fries in my room. The kingdom had changed hands. Uh-huh. And I would keep it in hand. I just like, I still saw smoking in there. Been smoking in bed. A bed was like your couch, essentially. A bottle of ketchup in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, I just remember laying next to a full ashtray and a Frank's Red Hot or something and just being like, this ain't, I can't do this forever. I gotta make some changes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
This ain't it. And I remember there was a change cup that had every piece of silver dug out of it. It was a clear solo cup full of pennies. Stuck pennies. Pennies stuck together. Oh, man. Turning green. Look at that. Toothpaste on them and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I know. But sometimes it dries my mouth out too much. And then I'm like... Are you brushing your teeth? Pure bacon suited. It dries my mouth out too much, and then I sleep real bad, and I wake up fucking huffing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
The creme de la creme. I'm buying it. You hear that? Pretty litter helps keep the big man's house smelling fresh and clean. I've been over there. I didn't even know he had a cat. He's got 12. He's got a damn pet shop in there. Try and you'll love it. Go to prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% off your first order and you get a free cat toy. That ain't too shabby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That's prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. One more time, prettylitter.com slash garbage. Terms and conditions apply. See the site for details.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Patina is the Liberty Bell. That's patina. Or the Statue of Liberty, the Liberty Bell. There's green. That's copper. Copper's copper color.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
What do I look like? I work at Kruger Smooth and Industrial Standing? I don't fucking know. They should do that. That'd be nice. That'd be good for the city. Look into why they don't do it. They probably could never finish it. Before it started turning green again. The other side would turn green. Oh, okay. First of all, I could be completely wrong. I'm guessing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Also, that's been on there for like fucking 300 years. I don't think you can take that off. Thick coat. Yeah, that's on there. But it's not green. It's copper. Underneath.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
All right, leave it. Call it off, boys. Kruger! You didn't know it was copper?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I think if you leave a piece of copper out and it rains, it doesn't immediately turn green like that. So it took a while? I always thought it was mint chocolate chip. Take a scoop of that. Scoop of freedom, maybe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
No. I'm going to bed. Okay. I'm going to bed right now. I feel like I take my jacket off. I was the only thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I don't think it was that hot. Sounds gross.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, it turned you on, huh, Fatty? Yeah, it wasn't chocolate chip. And you want to be the hot one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I never said it wasn't. I asked how close to the Statue of Liberty it was. And for some reason, that offended you. Oh, Jesus Christ. Are you done? I got Ryan texting me. Ryan, shut up. He's texting me facts about the Statue of Liberty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I mean, studio, you still have a kitchen of some kind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Dorm's out the window. No, it should be next to the bed, though. You at least go, you eat, and then when you're living in tight quarters like that, you have to be on, it's like living in jail. You got to be on top of it. You got to go, okay, eat, and then I'll sit on my bed and eat, but then that stuff goes over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I just said that. You said, no, let me tell you. I thought you were saying. No, you can eat in your bed and have it next to you while you're doing that. But then at the end, when you're done, you clean up and put it over. Yeah, put everything back. That's big when you're living. Chicks are coming in. Broads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That's insane. Dude, I would divorce you immediately. They're comfy. Sometimes I like it. No, you're just, it's lazy. No. Yes, okay. Defensive Dan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That kid that used my computer. Who we saw, by the way. The Eagles game. All right, let's see. This is from Jaren. Damn near day one, homie. Shout out to you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Never had one read. You ever get dessert with McDonald's breakfast? We call it the Fat Boy Speedball. What are we talking about here? I don't know what kind of, you would do, I don't listen. The way I would do it. If you want to know. I have just a general question. What kind of desserts are they serving at that time?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Don't say pastries like it's a French fucking patissier.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Sure. Let's see here. Unless you guys want to get some. This one's new to me, and I like a nice scam. This is from KJ Peterman. Jammed up tip. If you get a check, you can take a picture on the app, which will free $200 for you. Like, say you get a check for $1,000. Yeah. Most banks will free on the good credit of... When you deposit it into your thing. Say you deposit it at night. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
But if I say Friday night, that might not hit the... Tuesday morning. Right. Right? So you get a check. You can take a picture with the app and deposit it, which will give you $200. Okay. Then you can go to an ATM, and they'll give you another $200 until the check clears. Yeah, that's, I think, check fraud. Huh. I didn't say that. I don't know why this guy's fucking throwing shade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
You're double dipping. Yeah, I didn't know. I forgot. I didn't think it went through on my phone. There you go. I'm out. I'm a free man. Just come Monday. Don't just go, oh, this is double deposit him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
As long as you don't spend those $2,000. You just spend the $400. Sure. Wake up in the morning, wash your hands, still $600. Hey, I double deposited this by accident. That's something I would say for when you're really in a jam and not just use it gratuitously because you probably only get one or two of them a year until they fuck you up, until they go, listen, we're not fucking idiots over here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Thinly gabberdeen. Um... Yeah, no, I moisturize in the morning. That's what I moisturize. The bird does, right? She has a whole routine. Don't get me started with this and that and the moistures and the creams and the stuff. Hey, lady, just go to bed. You'll look like me. Wake up, there are two of us. Yikes. That's a bad hand to be dealt. No, I'm glad she does. You're a beautiful woman.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, I remember having, like, you know, 20-something over. I just got fucked. And I called and complained. They're like, we'll take three away. And I remember, like, the despair. My account was, like, negative 1,500 or something like that. And I remember, like, thinking, she's like, okay, I just talked to my manager. I'm like, oh, here we go. Get me back to zero.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, you're at, you know, we'll clear three of the 15. I'm still, you know, sitting negative fucking $788 or something. Fucking jamoke. All red text everywhere. I'm standing on 59th and Park just like, fuck, cranking heaters. Couldn't get lunch. I had no gas on me. I need a check. I remember I found a $10 bill. It was nuts. I was going into a fucking multi, multi-million dollar law firm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I couldn't eat lunch. I'd hit up Denise. She'd be good for maybe $20. Probably $20. You might as well give me a handgun to fucking kill myself. You're doing shooters and coffee creamers? Well, we did have some stuff stocked in the kitchen. Yeah, you did. Not food. Maybe a couple of nuts or something like that. They were for high-rolling clients that would come and get the gas juice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I drink a lot of orange juice. If they had orange juice and milk in there, I would crush that stuff. I remember somebody, that's a lot of sugar. Eating sugar back. I'm all fucking charged up. Fucking blood sugars through the roof. I'm chain smoking outside. My teeth are chattering.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Hey, no, no, no. You don't kick entry. You're a mistake. I didn't think it went through on my phone. It wasn't registered, and they can't prove that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I thought that was in there. I thought it cleared. I didn't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I don't have one. I think we might have. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I don't know. Pizza guy? I have our articles of incorporation somewhere. I think that one just got thrown out recently. We got to get somebody on top of that. Am I in the masthead? You're listed somewhere. We did this where I lied to you and said you weren't, but you're listed somewhere. Nice. I think it's a 99-1 split we got going on here. Checks are all in my name. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
This is from Helia Halk. Classy or trashy, it is to roll the corn on the cob right onto the communal stick of butter. This is how my family did it growing up. My boyfriend was horrified when I invited him over for dinner. No, fuck that guy. That's the way to do it. I think you would have your own stick for the corn on the cob. No. What? Everybody's got a stick of butter?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
She does everything, you know. One of us has to be good looking. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Jesus Christ. Why don't you go get a fucking McGriddle and settle the fuck down? Because you're not going to be hot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
They got a lot going on, cooking for your family, everybody, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, they got a lot going on. They got the beans. They got the biscuits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I see what you're saying. I think it's just like you got to figure that's, you know, I don't know. We only really did it bar. We only did it in some barbecue, I feel, mostly. We weren't doing, like, spaghetti and corn. Crazy. So what else would you be on the stove? What? In my eyes, there was more cooking, so you're like, I got to wait until this is done.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I don't know. That doesn't make – I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm telling you the truth. And when the salmon's getting cooked. You're the smartest guy in your family. I've met these people. They're learned people. They're not as dumb as you. I cook the salmon. I'm not saying you don't. But I got to push back when you say you're the only guy in your family. What about that bald guy? Johnny? Johnny can cook salmon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Hold on. I'm saying my theory is. This is my theory, and I don't know. I'm asking. that there's only four burners on the stove. Maybe the corn isn't prioritized because you got to get the beans and the fucking whatevers and the whatevers. That's what I'm saying. Maybe is that the case? I'm asking what else she puts out. You then turn this into you being fucking Chef Boyardee.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
The only guy who knows how to cook salmon. What are we talking about? What else is she serving from the stove? That's all I'm asking. Okay. All right. There's no way. There are four pots of beans. I don't know. Nothing. All right. So then she's stupid. She should have put it on at the same time. What the fuck? Well, I'm trying to fucking figure it out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
No. You got to do. Yeah, undo it, and then it gets that little concaveness to it. It gets a little groove going.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Okay. Well, then we're fucked. Let's see if we can return these cameras and sell the van.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Also, too, I saw a little bit better, which I kind of like. You can do it. You hold it long ways and can go like that with the short end. Oh, what? Like what? Like you hold the stick of butter. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
And then you're holding the thing like a pencil almost, and you're just going like that. I gotcha. Man, we are off today. You freak. You're putting makeup on it? You're dating your corner. It's about to get shoved up your arse.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Oh, God. Yeah, I think that's completely normal. I mean, now this... I don't know... Yeah, fuck this boyfriend. But this... Who knows what this brought? This could have been like the... There could have been crumbs from the toast in it at breakfast. And the kid's like, I ain't fucking rubbing. I'd rather eat dry corn than eat fucking Pop-Pops crumbs. Which isn't that bad. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Dry corn, just straight up. Sure, I'll give it to you. Yeah. But yeah, I'm just... As a kid, forget about it. No. Um... My stepmom used to have to cut the corn off. Man, my dad would do that. It made my skin crawl. I love it. No, it's what they do in mental institutions.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I was 29. I just failed out of school for the third time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That'll be... Let me do a touch of gray. I thought you said you didn't want me to do it. No, because it looks bad, but that's the reason I'd be doing it. You'll do it. I'll do it for you. You'll touch my face? I wear gloves. Cut your head off and do it on a second location. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Let's see. Garbage juice, polio string cheese on a chicken parm because you ran out of regular mozzarella. You know, you're doing it. You're getting the job done. Were you a Palio string cheese family? My brother, it would be my... Not really, no. My brother, a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, no, we weren't. Maybe it would, like, if it was, like, real deep discount and about to, you know, about to expire. Don't know if it's Swiss or cheddar. She'd pick off a pack of it. But, I mean, we were mainly Pound of American sliced thin. Of course. Just, you know, dipping that. Yeah. Man, I remember being sliced so thin. I was trying to make a cheese sandwich. It was like seventh grade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
You couldn't get it all? You couldn't break it apart? I remember having a full-blown. I was so fat and so hungry. And like a full-blown. I was getting close, and they were just coming off in little chips. And that ain't the same. You need the big slice. That'll drive you crazy. Dude, I remember getting a fucking steak knife out and trying to separate them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I came back from... I came back from the gym. They were making me work out to try to lose weight or something. Who was? The state? What? Court ordered? Three to five. Three to five minutes on the treadmill, fat ass. I was coming back from the gym. I don't think they were making me, but it was like, hey, it's coming back from a gym.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I remember sweating. It was like that wet kind of dried a little bit. It was cold. That's the first thing you want, a little American cheese. A cheese sandwich with goldfish. I was like, I think I know what the problem is. I ate the treadmill. It's the fucking... It's the Carbo Bomb I'm about to do. Protein shake or a Gatorade. You go straight for the Cooper Sharp.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm a Land O'Lakes American, man. Sliced. But I remember being like... Then the trick would be... You open up the middle of it. If you can't get it off the edge, you then open up the middle, flip it, and go, maybe then that wasn't working, and that's when I fucking lost it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That, and I get yelled at for not properly wrapping it up. Wrapping it up. What did you just say? Properly wrap it. I don't know. I got cheese on the brink. Of course. Well, like, sometimes. Because I'd rip it. Yeah, well, sometimes we'd operate a thing where, like, the sticker would come off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
And then other times I'd just go, we're ripping. We got the seal. We're ripping. Then we fold. And you put it down. So it would stay. Like, what are we doing here? First of all, this pound of American cheese isn't going to hang out that long.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
But yeah, I was never... You get screamed at for that. Uh-huh. All right, let's see here. We got a few more. This one's from John. $10 contributor, still haven't had one read. Is it garbage to accept stolen property as a birthday gift? That's a bad look. When I was a teenager, my younger brother and sister stole a nice-ass skateboard off someone's porch for my birthday. Dirtbag family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Heart's in the right place, though. Cut to a few weeks later, I'm cruising down the sidewalk, and some grown-ass guy in a beat-up Mustang yells out the window, hey, that's my skateboard. This guy flipped a bitch and chased me for a few blocks, even went up a curb trying to run me over. I ended up hopping a few fences and almost got mauled by a dog, but I got away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I painted the board, swapped out the wheels, and watched my back for a few months, but I never saw that guy again. I mean, that's like, dude, the levels of dirtbaggedness. I respect the brother for stealing it. Not respect it, but it's like. That was so well written. That was great. I painted the deck and swapped the drums. My brother stole somebody's skateboard. I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
My brother ended up with a skateboard that wasn't his. Let's just say that. Oh, shit. And I think it might have been a debt or something. Somebody owed him money. He took his skateboard. I don't know. Something. I got you. Something not on the up and up. And he painted it green with paint that his buddy had. And it was drying, and I came home from wherever I was. There's a green ice cream.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Probably at a gym. The cheese factory. I came home and it was leaning up against the wall green. We don't have a fucking green skateboard. So I went over and I grabbed it and the paint was still wet. So I go inside and I was just skateboards at or whatever. And he's like, I just bought it. I'm like, why'd you paint it? And he's like, I don't know. Now, like, I know something's up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
So he goes outside to look at it, and my fingerprints are on it. And he goes, you fucking ruined my paint job. I go, no, I didn't. He goes, let me see your hand. I had green paint all over my fingers, too. Got me. It was all over the cheese, too. We got to wrap it up, though. What a good one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
We're going to get demonetized. They got Brillo pad down there. Oh, man. Now, when was the last time you cleaned up down there? With the buzzer? Before the wedding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
What do you do with your hands when that's happening? I just picture you with your hands just hanging. You're probably being a dick because you are. You're probably being a real, real bitch about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That was worse than I pictured. Hurry up. Let's take it. I can't hold this all day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
This is embarrassing for me. God love her. I had one the other day. I had something I did the other day that made me think of... Me? No. Oh, God, no. Of being a garbage. I've done it because my wife kind of looked at me. Ew. No, I asked a guy where he got a coffee. Yeah. Right. Hey, where'd you get? But I'm used to doing. No, it was the further conversation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm used to doing that and seeing that done with beers. When you're somewhere, not at a bar, you're at like a Six Flags, and you see a guy walking with a beer, it's natural happenstance for my family to be like, hey, buddy, where'd you get that beer? Where'd you score them beers? I got it right back there. And they got me more on you. Do they take credit? Okay. Yeah, I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Just asking somebody where they got those beers. It's very trashy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Now, please excuse me while my wife shapes my pubes. You would have looked at me like an asshole. I don't do that in the mall. Not anymore. Yeah, no, I said, hey, where'd you get that coffee? And what'd he say? That way. I said, okay, great. And the mall I ain't never been to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I don't know if you've been to a, you know, you drop me in the Oxford Valley Mall in the Chamonix Mall, get you a coffee, dude, sweet. You drop me in these weird fucking North Jersey malls or the Palisades. I don't know nothing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
I didn't throw them up against the wall and fucking turn them around and start patting them down. Hey, tough guy with your latte, huh? Hey, you want to do this the hard way or the easy way? What are you talking about? I said, hey, man, where'd you get that coffee? What about this? You like that? Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Is that what you are? You're a tough guy? Excuse me. Do you mind tying my shoe for me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Kevin Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to the homies and the bozos. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video now available on Spotify.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Why don't you mind your fucking business? Otherwise, I'll give you a dirt nap.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
So maybe we'll have a movie drop in what, 2098? What the fuck are you talking about? You, first of all, dude, you have no teeth. Listen, I'm not sitting here saying I'm Brad Pitt. I'm not comparing. I'm just saying if you want to be the hot one, I got two tree critiques. You got a lot of skin tags. Ben Affleck, I ain't going to do shirtless sex scenes. You'd be tagged all tagged up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Look at a goddamn railroad car. Yeah. Okay, you got a lot of skin today. I'm going to get them scraped off. And listen out there, I'm not saying I am the attractive one. I'm just saying. I told you to let me get the veneers. You weren't going to let me get them. I didn't say you could. You can do whatever you want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
One, you ain't got the cash to do it now. You got a gray beard, bad teeth. Mm-hmm. Bad skin. It's like blotch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Look at that. Climbing up the charts over there on Spotify. I'm too savvy. Obviously, the Route 66 special. If you haven't already seen that, go watch that. Share with a friend. Put it in a group chat. The whole nine yards. Thank you for all the support on that. Live shows are in full swing. Tickets are moving. Get those. AreYouGarbage.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, I bet it is. Bone marrow. You're dabbing rye bread on your face and eating it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Sure. Yeah, I would love for you to get hot. Become hot. Okay. I just lost confidence in that, okay, if we're being honest. I think you lost confidence. I mean, we're screwed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, listen. We're not Hollywood guys. We're YouTube guys. Hollywood, Florida. Yeah, there. I'd go clean up down here. Get a tan. Get a speedboat, cigarette boat. That's what we need. What? Cigarette boat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, there's another 400-pound guy in a cigarette boat wearing the shirt he wore at his wedding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Who can't bend down after he drops the keys. I got the old lady for that. Sure. All right. Listen, I want you to become Hollywood. Start fucking, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
What? I mean, you also started with beefs. Beefs? Beef. Beef. You said you used beef tallow. That's good for you. Sure. Google that. That's what they're all doing now. I know what it is, but you're going, I think you might just, you know, use an excuse and put it near your lips.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That stuff don't work. Soaking. Shout out to soaking. What do you mean, uh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Not college, Mormons. Mormons? That's all at BU they ask those questions. And you're too old to be looking at those videos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Then go to bed without brushing your teeth. Listen to me, kids. All right, but all that's neither here nor there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Meeting minutes? I don't know how we got there. Let's go. All right, this one's from The Deals. $10 homie, ever seen your dad cry? I've only seen it three times. One, at his mother's funeral. Rest in peace, Granny C. Two, our dog dying. Rest in peace, buddy. And three, when we watched the movie Armageddon. No, if you're not crying at the end of Armageddon. That's like the notebook for dads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
That affected me. He's trying to get bad. He's got to come down and talk to Steven Tyler's daughter. You know what gets me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
Killed me. I was hit the same way with Con Air. Con Air makes you cry? He's trying to get that teddy bear home to his dog. That guy had a bad rap.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hot Guys w/ Kippy & Foley
He freezes. They found him frozen and then throw him. They write a note on him or something to throw. They did him dirty if you ask me. Greatest comedian of all time. Throw him out a goddamn window. Yeah. That doesn't get me, but I mean, I remember being like emotionally. I was like, fuck, what year did Con Air come out? 97 or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Hello. That's what we're talking about, gang. Listen, it's the winter season. Time to make some babies. Get some rock hard boners in there, gang. Listen, as you get older, me, put on some weight. Not going to lie. Don't know if you can tell. Need a little help in the boudoir to get the old stick going. You know what I mean? Get the fishing rod up in the air, as they say.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Snag a couple of wide mouth basses. Out there trolling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Helix mattresses, baby. Love that Helix. Yes, we do. Slept in one last night. Got a great night's sleep last night in my Helix. Gang, if you're having a tough time sleeping, it could be the mattress. It probably is the mattress.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
So here's what you do. You go over to Helix. You get straightened out. You take the quiz. You find out how you sleep, whether you sleep soft, whether you sleep hard on your side, on your back, whether you're cold at night, whether you're warm at night. and they will match you up with the perfect mattress for you. Everything starts with a good night's sleep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Get over to Helix.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Have you scouted anything? Because you said you're closing soon. So, okay. Was any of this... In the decision to pull the trigger on a purchase? Local stuff? Did you know that the Wawa was three minutes away? When you were sitting there talking to the realtor, did it ever go through your mind like, oh, the Wawa's three minutes away?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Forget about the appraiser. Just lock it in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Is that where we're going to be shopping?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
This makes sense to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
We have quinceanera food in my house exclusively. We don't have any toothpicks, though. I can't eat them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I thought you picked up a receptionist job at a dental office or something like that. The girls at work love them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That's how the Egyptians fell. What are you, crazy? Don't anger gods.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Easy. Everybody run.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
PM Chang's does too much when you slice the egg rolls diagonally like that. I know. I like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You're doing cold calls on solar energy? Have you thought about switching at all?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They're General Tows. Same thing with Panda Express. General Sows. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Lieutenant. You didn't know Kevin minored in Mandarin? What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
No, but they're like sesame chicken, orange chicken is banging. Just do that. And stop with the little things that look like packing noodles.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
So when you get settled in there, let's stay with the grocery store. You're telling me you're not going to have the first big order? You're not going to be involved in that? You don't want to go? No, I will for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You got the room now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's like a cotton ball.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They tried to swindle you a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm not doing delicate dumps over here. That would have lasted a weekend, you fucking bastards. You prick fuck. What was the buying process? Did you guys show up to an open house? Find it on Zillow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And all that toilet paper.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, you'll like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's like autopilot. Scrubbing bubbles.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
A lot less than if you didn't have it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
No, I would say maybe one or two. You should be good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
My age and my size... I see one spot, two spots, I'm okay with it. No. Yeah. Come on. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm usually coordinating it, though. I'm going into the shower. That's okay. That's different. No, it's not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
No, it is not. 90% of the time. That's a different game.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And when you see one, it's like mice. There's probably hundreds of them. The rule of roaches.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I 100% support you on that statement. I also 100% support you on the ignoring. Don't put anything else in there. That's not your problem. We used wipes for the two years that we lived in the apartment that we're in now. And I think about six months ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
everything stopped and they had the super came up he couldn't get it with a regular snake he's like you sure you didn't drop something in there i'm like nah nothing he's like he thought it was like a battery or something clogging it up so they brought in a uh a plumber and this guy had like an induct like you could have fucking scaled my building with how long the snake was nice
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And they went in there, and they yanked this out, and it was just all wipes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were using these wipes. He says, you cannot. And I'm like, I'm sorry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, no. I'm like, oh, we only use one or two. Meanwhile, I'm going through. It's like a deck of cards.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
We waited about a month, and now we are just back. A different brand that says flushable.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They're one of those air things they have at the bank when you do it. Just shoots up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, man. Okay. All right. So you have a fan that's the realtor. Because I was just going to say. You're rolling in. You got the gloves. You got the hair. You look like you're not qualifying for the loan. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
One order of cheese fries and seven hoagies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm not, not at all. I thought you were a cigs on the can guy. No. You don't like a heater on the can?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I guess we smoked out front. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we did smoke out front.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Were there other people looking at the house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Can you imagine walking into the house and Jay sitting in the backyard?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Your big J smoking on, yeah. I would assume that you were the son of the person that lived there who died and you're selling the house. Also, I like. From under your other siblings.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, no kidding. Can't be talking about Oriframes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, you're an idiot. I'll tell you what right now. Holidays, Aura Frames. Aura Frames, holidays. Go hand in hand. You want to know why? It's the best gift out there. You can shut everybody up, dude. Shut them up. It'll take you ten minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Marty, do you want a milkshake? Just four milkshakes. Marty doesn't want a milkshake. Let me call him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, let's talk about our good friends over there at Morgan and Morgan. I'll name them again. Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, and Morgan. That's right, gang. Life can be crazy sometimes, and one person's negligence can result in another's settlement. Mm-hmm. I'm talking cash. If you're injured by negligence of another, you deserve to be paid. I'll say that again. You deserve to be paid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And who's going to help you do that? Morgan and Morgan, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Like a year and a half ago, we went to Sparks Steakhouse, and it was me, it was us, and Reggie was with us. And the waiter came over and was like, the other table wants to know what the name of your band is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
What does it take, idiot? What does it take for you to get out of the uniform and to have...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
No. Gloves? You have the gloves? It's cold.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm sorry, I can't bring my dog in here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
This place is full of losers anyway. I was going to say, the list of things that you can't wear to get into a club that you would see, I would say 90% of the time, that's what you're wearing. It's Tim's? Unlaced Tim's. It's unlaced. A baseball hat on backwards. No, cocked to the side.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Tag top, jean shorts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Sir, that's a chocolate fountain, not an ashtray. Excuse me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's not like you're in Aleppo. Like, I can't get a good beef patty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Wait. So you're going to have the dessert later back at the hotel. At the Airbnb.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You're going to hear about this on radio. You forgot your dessert. You had to walk back in and grab them. Also, where's my seven-layer cake?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You're drinking, right? You have cocktails?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Have you seen my dye hair you think I'm letting this die right now So the so the lady the manager probably made him do it. I would assume.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
No pigs in the blanket? What's the deal? Yeah, this place sucks. Where'd you get all this food, Trader Joe's? You call yourself a grill? When I get a Dirty Shirley, I want three cherries.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That's my first move, baby. I'm with you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I've asked for a side of... Oh, wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They give you the shaker sometimes and you gotta finish it off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, so the pavilion. Okay, so the pavilion's not attached to the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You guys like to mix it up, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I would assume that there, with your clout, there's somebody out there where you could probably get one of those either strongly discounted or free.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
All right. What's the.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Wait, there's a pool in your house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Get the fuck out of here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Big Jake, congratulations.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You can't cannonball. Yeah, 4'8", you'll be okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
What is it, fiberglass?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I just know it ain't seven feet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Seven feet you're going.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Thank you. Okay. All right. You're going to do that. Are you doing this now? Are you going to be ready to go summer 2025? That'll be done by summer 2025. No shit. Love that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
She's upstairs drying off a pack of heaters that she dropped in her Diet Coke. Okay, very nice. That's brought to you by Owen on the Patreon. What? My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You're a TV guy. What are we talking TVs inside?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I was asking, are you starting fresh? Are you going to bring the bed from the apartment now, or are you going to start all new?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'll give you Pavilion. I didn't realize it was detached.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it'll get fucked up. If you get a really, really cold snap, something will pop in there. Yeah, right? It just fucking goes. Yeah. Or you break it down in the winter. Because we have one on our sun porch. My mom smokes heaters. And this isn't nice by any stretch of the imagination. But she puts it in my room in the winter, and we put it outside in the summer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, not the old zigzag. Jesus.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Whoa, I can't wait. It's a nice house. You walk in, you're on the first floor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Meatballs in a crock pot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's crazy for you to say that, like as a successful grown man that does well, and you to even say that too. Is there any way, what does this say as the generations move forward? Is there any way that like when our parents bought their houses, that my dad, a Vietnam vet, would go down to the base and be like, it's a little scary down there. There's no fucking way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He was checking for landmines down there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
To pound on the front door and scream.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
My wine cellar's trying to kill me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Does anybody in your mom's network show up with a Christmas cookie tray? There's got to be some hairdresser or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Do you see yourself in the mornings in the summer getting up and going out to the pool and swimming some laps? Anything like that? Maybe laps, but definitely getting in a pool. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, being in a pool, feeling that weightlessness is great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, you mean the indoor parachute thing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Mr. Polar Vortex.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
This should be able to do for everybody. Mr. Oakerson, we'd appreciate it next time you come to not lie. Turn the fan off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Happy for you, bro.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You just got to stay on top of the grocery order. So when you want a sandwich, you go into the fridge, you got a half a pound of turkey, you got a pound of American cheese, Cooper's Sharp if you're a gentleman. I'm so excited about those things.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Wowzers. I want a local crooner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Ladies and gentlemen. Jesus Christ. The fifth edition of the Chronicles of Jason. Thank you guys so much. This is always a pleasure. An absolute legend. Love you. Mr. Big Jay Oakerson, everybody. Yeah. Coming into your own, baby. Look at that. After all that, you got your own place. You got the pool. You got everything.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I got those Oregon steaks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Jay Oakerson, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Is there a Soft Pretzel tray?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I love it. There you go. Legion of Skank, Story Wars, which is the goddamn hit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Kippy, what do you got for us?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He's trying to win a jersey. They had them set up like, you remember in the last crusade when all those chalices were in the cave? They were set up like that. Single slices of Mac and Mac's fucking just at different little levels on different little terraces. It was beautiful.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
pedestals is what i should say yeah i mean i was back to say i was behind the scenes of this thing mad that the cheesesteaks were too fancy schmancy i don't throw all the schmance on this thing man just fucking throw me a piece of a good cheesesteak they try to hit you with that um like that fancy cheese cream sauce yeah barblanc or whatever it's called or i don't know fuck it the fuck
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yes, sir, and we could not be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today for Volume 5. Is that what it is? Volume 5 of The Chronicles of Jason, now sponsored by Lipton Hard Iced Tea and Lipton French Onion Soup. Give it up for Brisk. Mr. Big Jay Oakerson, everybody. Thank you, guys. Thank you for coming back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
We're fucking cheesesteaking fries. Mr. Oakerson, would you like the caviar service? No, but give me a bag of those Tootsie Pops.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
She met an alien. What was it like?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Try to describe it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Like that rich lady they sent up in the horizon or whatever, the rich people that went to space.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That's Big J. Oh, buddy. We got to catch up a little bit here. So last we left in volume four, we had started off in comedy. Yes. Went over your trials and tribulations. You were getting everything off the ground, your different fashion choices on stage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And now we're kind of coming full circle here. To present a little bit. Yeah. You've been in the city for a long time, and now you're moving out to Jersey. Yeah. And I wanted to ask you this. I identify all of us in the greater Philadelphia area. Like I always preface when I say where you're from, I say the suburbs of Philly. I never say I'm from Philly. I don't want stolen valor in that regard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Gotcha. It all is Philly. The suburbs play such a big role in Philadelphia. It's culturally Philly. Yes. You were in the city, but then spent a lot of time growing up in South Jersey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I've been sitting in the fridge for a while.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
So now that you're back in Jersey, do you feel like this is like... Like, you're back home? The final four, like, the final.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson
The dental office is only 35 minutes away?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Dateline Marriage w/ Chad Daniels & Kelsey Cook!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash garbage. BetterHelp.com slash garbage. Do it. Can't but some of my DraftKings, baby. Shout out to the kings of the dream. The playoffs are, as they say, upon us, my friend.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can bet what you want over at DraftKings. Get in on the action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You bet on touchdowns. What are we doing here? Hey, talk about streamlining it. Start betting on putties, dude. If you're ready to place your first bet, try betting on something simple like a player to score six. Go to DraftKings Sportsbook app and make your pick. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use the code AYG.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's code AYG for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks. That ain't bad. Only on DraftKings Sportsbooks. The crown is yours. If you've got a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 800-GAMBLER. 778-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY, which is 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for gambling problems. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Please play responsibly on half of Boot Hill Casino and Resort Kansas. 21 plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. You avoid it in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG.co slash audio. Do it, yeah. But all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. That's right, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon, we will answer your question on the air. And we got one, two, three humdingers over here. Hit me. Talk to me. This is from the RURubbish from the UK. Hello. And that. It's all right. Five dollar bozo never had one read. Are you garbage if when you borrow money from someone, you give them two separate days, you're going to pay them back?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Example, I'll definitely get you by Thursday. If not, then on Sunday. That's the way I invented that. Hey, listen, that's that's a dirtbag as a guy who struggled with money for a very long time. You think next week is going to be better. It's not. You think you're going to learn. You think that check's going to come in. It's going to stay whole.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I used to watch you go pick up your check at that restaurant. And I mean, by the time you got off the block, you were you were fucking 80 bucks down. You'd pop in. Hey, you want to pay? You buy us each a bag of eaters, a couple of high chews. I'm sorry. I took care of you. Hey, let us on our feet. OK, listen, I fucking I kept you afloat many, many, many. I never really borrowed off of you, did I?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'd rather have you throw it on the ground. Oh, dude, I forgot to tell you my brother does. I don't know if they're Zins or whatever. Whatever one he does has a second pouch. He's off the heaters. Second pouch? Has a second area where you can put the used one. Oh, I thought you meant it had double passion. No, no. There's like a second little thing. Like a camel crush.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're always tight with it. I never had it. What are you talking about? Tight with it. I can't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was living off $180. You know what's crazy? When I hear people move to New York, and they're like, oh, yeah, I moved to the Lower East Side. I'm like, you what? Like, you moved to the Lower East? That's insane to me. You came here to do comedy, and you moved to, like... Dude, it's like you were living under a kitchen table in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. I was living on the floor in Washington Heights.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's crazy to me. I'm like, ah, you're in the fucking 157 Tower. No way. How's that? There's always a little more to that story. Sure. Mommy and Daddy straightening you out. I can't even hang out on the Lower East Side, let alone fucking live down there. But you spend quick. I was the same way. And then you go, that hundred I had is now fucking 62.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's in your head it's still a hundo because you just picked it up. You got a bag of cigs. You got a pocket full of cash. You buy fancy cane. You get like Ruffellos or whatever. Ruffello. What do they call it? So you would spend it if you had it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Rochelle's. No. Is there Ruffellos? Isn't there one? No. R-A-F-F-E-L-L. This is how little I know. I'm a high chew man. That's well done. Or a gummy bear. Ruffellos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Really? What's that? What's that go? They look fancy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Huh. Can I see a picture of that? Sure. I'll get you. A Ruffello. A Rochelle. How do you say it again? Ruffello. It's like white. No, no, no. Rochelle. Rochello. What? Ferreira Rocher. Rocher. Rocher. Those are the little hazelnut joints. These things. The little bangers. Oh, they're called Ruffellos? Maybe. I don't know. I didn't know that. I just pulled it. I was picturing Ferreira Rocher.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I can't even say that. Well, that is a gentleman's candy. Those things are delicious. You have to drive a—that sounds like a sports car to me. That's something you get when you buy a Lamborghini. They give you a pack of Ferrero Rochers. That sounds like an Indy driver. Kevin Roche. In the number one Red Bull car. Coming around town, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
But yeah, anytime I ever did borrow—I mean, I borrowed money off a lot of people a lot of times. Still on the sheet once or two people. Are you still? I owe my ex-roommate— I just, whenever I'm around, I buy stuff for him to get off the sheet. He waived a few hundred a couple of times. What do you think you're at? What, to him? Under $1,000? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And his buddy was using them all night. They weren't drinking. So he's like, oh, yeah. And then at one point, my brother just thought he was taking the fresh ones. And he comes up to my brother at midnight. He's like, hey, man, do you have any dry ones? These are all wet. My brother's like, you're eating the ones I've been eating. That is a tough look.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
He would never. My line of credit was not $1,000 to him. Yeah? No. I'd be like, let me borrow $100 till payday. That would come. I'd be like, I'll give you $50. I still don't know. I'm not walking around money. You know what I mean? But then something would happen. I remember one time I ordered a buffalo chicken panini from the corner store, and my card got declined, and they were making it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I went back and had to borrow money off him at the apartment. We'll walk back together. I'm going to lose this deal here. They got it on the goddamn grill. I know. Yeah, and my fries, too. You can't walk away from the table. Never leave the table on a heater, you know what I mean? So we got to give you money to go back and get it? Yeah. Oh, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which is like you're borrowing money that's already spent, which sucks, you know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like now I'm borrowing $40. Well, it's also, that was shocking because I thought I was in a better financial. I thought I had at least. 40 bucks on a panini. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, I thought I probably had a couple hundred bucks or like 150 bucks to last till payday. Something hit the account I wasn't expecting. Student loan. That's how they get you. And then, so I went from like, oh, I got 150. I can spend, you know, 15 on dinner. That got denied. Get a panini. Get a panini. I took like a $200 swing. I thought I had 150.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Now I'm in the hole 40, and I got to spend 15 on a panini. That ain't good. That's what happened to Enron. I'm selling shares. Watered down stocks. Anybody want to go hands on fries with me? I want to dive into this a little bit, but let me start by saying, because that made me think of the fact that
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
This has been with my brother so many times where he was sitting in his shorts or his boxers watching TV. Shaving. And he's got to go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're scratching. All right, that'll do. The fries are already in. They dropped the fries. They're probably tossing them in the salt right now. It's not really about me at this point. It's a small business. Small business I got to keep afloat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
When a grown man has to open his wallet for you. And you stand there and wait like it's okay. You're doing this. You don't know what to do with your hand. You're like, yeah, I'm tired, man. Get a good night's sleep tonight. Stretching and stuff. Doing a golf swing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That is what we call in the biz Charles Garoti. Yikes. That's tough. I like to sip coffee when I have him, so that'd be real nasty. Yeah. I like to drink when I have him. Have him in. Just to freshen up the palate a little bit and juice him back up. Give it a squeeze. Okay. They don't hit like the heaters. Sure. Well, for the nudes flash. But I smell better. Me and the big man are off the heaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Thinking about playing Sunday. You want to go? I got you. I'll cover you. I was the king of that. As I'm down in the hole, I'm going, next week, we're all going to Antigua or whatever. Antigua? Antigua? I don't know. La Tortuga. Here's the thing. That's your new nickname. La Tortuga. That's some Pirates of the Caribbean. The Turtle. I'd never seen a film. Really? No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
The crazy thing is, is that when you borrow that 40, you spend it immediately. That's cool. Dude, I borrowed 40 and 15 was already due. I was paying the fucking deli. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That sucks. I would be the king. I would never miss. I would never make. A date either. I'll give it back to you next week. Never going to happen. You always have to say until I get my thing because I always had cash coming in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
When I get paid. When I get paid. When I get paid. Tell my check kids. I would always make the effort to make the payment when I felt like the charm of it was wearing off with the person. What do you mean? Have you ever paid and then asked for more money? Like two days later. Like knowing that you're going to need that $100 back. Hey, man, here's the $100 I owe you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then like 48 hours later, you're like, let me borrow $250.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Mark is too negative of a term. In your head, that guy's a walking dollar sign to you. You're not- Slightly, but not- You know, listen. You're a master manipulator and master baiter. You know. Listen, there's people you call for cash and people you don't call for cash. It's just- Yeah. That's what it is. It's just more so- That's what we're talking about. More so if I knew they would play ball.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
So I would maybe take out a small loan, okay? This is when I was working on the Upper East Side. I was friends with a couple of bartenders. These guys made a lot of cash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And they were usually pretty big sums. They usually had a lot to do with gambling. Sure. But if I knew. Here, I'll ask you for nine bucks. Let me get nine bucks and a light. Book of matches. Put this on the Jets. Sure. I would sometimes try a couple hundred. Hey, can I borrow a couple hundred?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not really needing it, but with the intent of making sure that I gave that back to them right away so then I could come in and get a big, you know, I need a grand. That was good for the 250. My credit's good with you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then if I didn't pay that back and I would sense that they would start being like, you know, this isn't funny anymore, I'd get it to them real quick. I'd figure it out. Sure. Usually go to Peter. I had a... One kid I would borrow. A friend of mine. We're jammed up. You know, we're teenagers, whatever, 18, 20, whatever. Jammed up. Get a job. And I just spend it. It's just like this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It just comes out of my fingers. It's like trying to hold water to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
i can't do it i can't it just slips away i know kids now it just slips away i know kids now my you know some some some family younger generation that have thousands of dollars in their savings account or whatever i remember my one boy his grandparents died and he got 10 grand no not even i'm just saying we threw that in his face You got 10 grand, jerk. I mean, I'm in a poor line over here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
We're off to heaters. Well, I am. I can't speak for other said parties about on or off or in heaters. I'm off to heaters. That's all I know. I resent that disparaging remark. You see me with the goddamn zins. I've also seen you with a pack of heaters in your sleeve. It's like you were Travolta. Oh! Those were candy. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
What the fuck am I buying your beers for? I mean, it was crazy. We still throw it in his face. Shout out to you. You know who you are. Our one buddy whose dad had passed away years before. He moved to our town because his dad had passed away. Dad had this crazy job. Hold on. I remember bragging to my mom that he had 10 grand. I go, he's got 10 grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
So don't write him out to him next time he's here. Show a little goddamn respect.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
He could buy and sell you, you dumb bro.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm sorry. Get the good China. He told us, we were tight friends. He told us that when his dad had set up some type of thing, that when they were like 35. Imagine that. When they were 35, each of him and his siblings got something. I don't know, 75, something like that. And, man, we thought we were all rich. I know. I know. My buddy got hit by a car skateboarding. He got like $264,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You couldn't tell me shit if I was hanging out with him. He got half of it at 18 and the other half, I mean, he turned to a life of, I believe, drugs and crime. Sure. But I don't think these kids are like that these days. These kids are savers. I'm not saying they got it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's crazy. I remember one year. But the parents did a lot of that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because I like my like that would be the thing. Like I was working and my parents are like, well, then you're like you're recreational is then you're relatively independent. Like we're not giving you money anymore. You're working like. Yeah, but did you go buy shoes? You can go spend all your money playing cards or buying deed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
When you were 13, 14, 15, and you had your summer job or whatever, when you came home with your paycheck at the end of the week, say it was $100, did your parents say, all right, you give me $50, I'll put it in your savings account? That's what the parents are doing now. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you're going to have to pry that from, hey, Denise. That's what the parents are doing now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, no. Nobody taught me anything like that. No, there was no financial literacy at all. At all.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
But now they do that. I'm sure your fucking parents did that shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was doing it in 2004. They weren't doing that shit in the 80s. Give me 50%. I'll put it in the fucking... I know my brother when he was a kid was smart enough to do it on his own. Yeah, some people are. I didn't. No one in my crew. I was that pig in the straw house. What? You know the three pigs? Right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not bad. Or the money. Let's build this place and get some hookers over here. I just came across 200 cash. I remember we were so like... The wolf was a drug dealer. He can blow his ass down, dog. Buddy, we're blowing all night long. Come on. The bathroom's to the left. Yeah, I just never had that mentality. Dude, I remember one summer... I still don't. We were down the shore a bunch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Pat was working at a parking lot. He was selling like, yeah, you pull in, you pay him the 15 bucks or whatever, and he would get cash every day. He'd get paid in cash. You couldn't tell a shit. That's just an influx of cash into the crew.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I haven't been with you in a long time, and you do have a proclivity to lie out your ass about stuff. I live lives, secret lives, sure. Where I catch them, where I may or may not catch eaters. I'm going to AA just for the heaters. You guys can't say nothing, right? I'm anonymous. Hey, Trolley, by the way, how you doing? Check out the bot. It's on Spotify. Anybody need an autograph? Hold on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
With a guy who's bad with money. You know what I mean? So it's like, he's like heaters. If I'm stretched out till Friday, you know what I mean? If I only got like fucking 25 bucks for two days down the shore. This kid's like, I'll just go to work. I'll come back with fucking $60. That's beers, heaters, and hot dogs. And you're $26 minus your chicken parms and fucking hoogies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
But great question. Fantastic question I've never thought of. If not Thursday, definitely Sunday. If not Sunday, Tuesday. Call my mother because I'm out of town. Worst case scenario. Next Saturday. Do you have a good lawyer by any chance? I remember when my tenure of borrowing money ran out at the restaurant. I had finally gotten up to the owner of the restaurant. That's bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Somebody was like, you just fucking loaned Henry the waiter money? You're out of your fucking mind. I forget. That's so funny to me. To other people, you're Henry the waiter. Oh, God. Here comes Henry the fucking waiter. He's going to be talking about comic books and asking to borrow cash off me while he's fucking stealing my heaters. I think behind my back I was Henry the Cokehead. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Henry a lot of things, I'm sure. I don't think they stopped there. You know what I mean? Oh, man, that's great. This one's just a good time. This is from Prince of Trash 1995. Shout out to you. Hey, fellas, is it garbage if your dad and his buddies meet up at the Starbucks to sit on the patio, drink coffee, rip heaters, and chill? Jeez, what are they, old Greek guys? That's a good time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, those retirees, they got to get out of the house. They got to hang. You know what I mean? I get that. That's a good time. It sucks they have to do it at a Starbucks. Nothing against Starbucks. But I always feel bad when, like, that's the spot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, your town should have a local, like, we got a local spot where at the Restaurant Gems, a lot of the old guys during the week, they go in and sit at the counter. They read their newspaper. That's standard, but I'm saying outdoor. That's great. Those Starbucks is like in the strip malls, like it's next to like a T-Mobile and a fucking Cold Stone Creamery. Yeah. They got the patio out front.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're not bothering anybody. You're posted up. Nice landscaping. Everybody spends fucking four bucks, three, four bucks on a coffee. You post up for five hours. Hey, old lady's breaking my balls. My kid's an idiot. You know, let me borrow 50. Fat one with these paninis. The hell's a panini? Man, I used to order panini. That's all I ever got there. I think that's kind of all you still eat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You eat a lot of panini. You eat more paninis than I would say certain sections of Europe. Yeah, northern Europe. You were the first guy I ever saw eat a panini. That's crazy. You worked at a restaurant. You worked at a restaurant. I never had paninis. You sound like dumps then. You have no international fare? No, I don't think we ever had any. I don't think I ever worked anywhere that had paninis.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's just fucking sandwich on a ciabatta. This was in Philly, I think. No. My love affair for the panini, I didn't know what it was. It was in New York?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
So then it was at the deli across from the Lantern, the Bleecker Street Deli. No, no. You're all wrong. I remember the first time I had a panini. Yeah, but the first time I saw you eat it. Which is pretty much a flatbread sandwich, if we're being honest. Sure. It's a flatbread with a lid on it. Which, by the way, shout out to. Yeah, you were the first one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You were the first guy I ever saw order a panini. Really? And I thought it was crazy. I was like, what have I got myself involved in here? This kid's down bad. You're eating one of the sandwiches that's already made? I didn't understand that at all. I thought they were just for show. I get paninis here. I know you do. I forgot about that, yeah. If I go to the deli, I get a panini.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You throw away your pickle and coleslaw. I tell them not to give it to me. Your icky stuff. I didn't order a pickle panini. That shit bleeds, okay?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I go, just the sandwich. I don't need all the other stuff. You give me fucking cabbage and shit? I'm trying to eat a goddamn panini over here. No, the panini. First panini I ever had. Remember it was yesterday. It was at the West 4th Street Diner. They used to do that monster panini. That's a focaccia. Wasn't that a focaccia? No, it was a panini on focaccia. It was a panini.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
If I did do AA, I'd want to do that. What? They got them Hollywood type ones out there in the city. I think the idea. Where people in the industry go. I can move some scripts around. Movie scripts. Painkillers. You guys play ball, right? You guys like to party. You're off to sauce. You know what's good, huh? A little perka-doodle. Get you feeling all right. I just cut my lip.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is there such a thing? That was the first time you had one? He had one. Then you got a taste for it and started ordering on the street. Sure. Well, they make them fresh every day. They turn quick. A lot of turnover on them paninis. Okay. You know that. But it was $8.95.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
for a monster panini and i and fries and i'd split it with uh i think dr rubinoff was the first person he goes these paninis are pretty good deals i said let's go chicken porn panini out the door come as be the size of your head sometimes you take if you get it yourself you take it home and you have dinner at night Paninis are good, though. Anyway, what are we talking about here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's meat and cheese and bread. Press down. They're the only three things I need. Meat, cheese, and bread. You can save all the other stuff. Get your carrots, kick rocks, okay? Cucumbers, icky. You don't like coleslaw, I'll tell you that. It's like newspaper shavings. Are you shredding documents? Feds will never think to look in here. I used to get a grilled cheese out when I was a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You go to a nice restaurant. Not a nice restaurant. You go to a restaurant. Throw an orange slice on there, you freak out. Man, they come out with the... Dude, you should... I would clock the tray coming out of the kitchen to see what kind of accoutrement was on my grilled cheese. And if they had, you know, coleslaw or something, I gave my mom the side eye to say, fucking play defense on this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get it up. Get it out. Like a trial. Total losing. Goddamn, that's funny. Okay. Okay, let's talk about blue chew, baby. Boner alert. Boner alert. Got me through the honeymoon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Things start shrinking. Need a little something to boost you up. Get the blood flowing through the body. Blue Chew, same drug as Cialis, Viagra. Levitra. Levitra delivered right to your home. What are we doing here? You want to spice up a Wednesday night with the bird? Get a little blue chew. Also, if you're young and in good shape, why don't you take it and see what happens?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is Are You Garbage? You know it. It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians, and we finally have the group to be classy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know that's got to be crazy. Show off. I'll put you on the moon or something. Blue Chew is putting its money where his mouth is and offering you a free month. The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew.com. Consult with one of their licensed medical providers. Once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever the opportunity arises. This is my favorite thing. Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA. Mm-hmm. prepared and shipped directly to your door. I'm talking homegrown bones, dog. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. We got a special deal for our listeners.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Try your first month free of Blue Chew for free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Yeah, we do. Kip Factor. Shout out to Factor. Talking about Factor meals, baby. Been with us for a long time. Got some sitting in the fridge right now. I'm about to have myself one. Gang, trying to lose weight this January.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Spring's coming around. Summer's right around the corner. Busy schedule after the holidays. Don't let your nutrition sacrifice. Listen, I eat them because I like them. Let's call balls and strikes. I eat them because they're goddamn delicious. They take two minutes, right on the plate, out of the microwave, fresh, fantastic, unbelievable.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietician-approved and ready to heat, as the big man said, in two minutes. It can fuel you right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. I lean on them a lot when we're traveling, when we're doing this. We got a crazy schedule. You go, I notice it in the fridge. I go, hey, I'm going to throw my Factor on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hopefully a shredded chicken taco bowl. I lean on them because I'm hungry. Sure. And they're delicious. Sure. No, it's great. But you have 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week. Easy to pick. Tailored to your goals. If you want to do keto, calorie, protein plus, whatever you want, they can help you with the best all day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
They have smoothies, breakfast, grab-and-go's, add-ons, whatever you want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
They got you taken care of. If you're trying to reel it in and not get fatter, that's all I'm trying to do is not get fatter, and Factor's helping me. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's code garbage50off at factormeals.com slash garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Now back to the show. Back to the show. All right, this one's from Tootie's Tennis Elbow. $10 homie, never had one read. Yous ever had your dad cork your bat so you could win a Little League home run derby and the grand prize was a new propane grill? Jesus Christ. I mean, come on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Jesus, you're all over the place. Bit my tongue the other day. Whoa, just, hey, guys, everybody relax. When's the last time you did that? Talk about garbage. I don't know. I mean, you do have a fat tongue. I do. It's like the tongue of a D.C. shoe. You're like a skate shoe out of Hot Topic or something. Boy's got a bad case and a fat tongue. Looks like you got stung by a wasp.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who knows how to do that? What, cork a bat? Yeah. I think it's pretty easy, no? Drill a hole? In a bat?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I thought you were just drilling a hole and then you fucking cork it or whatever. I thought you had to buy that. I thought you bought cork bats. I don't need to do it yourself. How do you cover up the hole in the bottom? No, it's at the top. You cork the top of the bat, don't you? No, you cork the base where the thick part is. Yeah, it's the top of the bat. The bottom of the bat you hold. Yeah?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's what you think the top is? What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And the bottom is what hits the ball. No. Huh. What are you, living on the moon? I mean, that's just. Because if I put a bat, if I stand the bat up, I'm standing it up. Upside down. No. Not to me. That's right side up. Like, what's the top of that guitar? So you're classifying as the top of it because that's what it stands on. Because that's the top part of it. What's the top of that chair?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
The fucking headrest. But why? It's sitting on the base there. With that logic. You're saying it's the top because it stands up. Yeah. Yeah, that chair is standing up. Yeah, and the top is fucking up there. Up the top, the back of it. Am I nuts?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
He's up there, the thing you hit with. That's the top of the bat is the top. What are we talking about here? That's insane to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, you like patch it. Like you would like if you got like a hole in your fucking table. Either way, this dad's a fucking scumbag. Sure, but that's a. Got a nice new propane grill though. Yeah, fuck all that. I'm with it. That's pretty good. The kid was. It's also like you're not going to get jammed up. I mean, it's not like they're going to bring charges on you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're not going to ban you from the Hall of Fame or anything. I think if you got caught doing that in a little league, your kid would get kicked out. That would be a problem. Move to the next town. They don't know. Run this game again. Start corking them bats. Man. Kid must have been pretty good, though, if that was the only difference.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I mean, I would argue at that age, it probably doesn't make that much of a difference, right? Because it's like, doesn't it change?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. They're not like, yeah, they're like. Oh, those metal ones are. Like the wave. You ever see the wave one where there's water in it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Yeah, I remember. We were using wooden ones when I was a kid. Never had that. I don't think there were aluminum bats like in our little league. Hey, Hansi. Hey, buddy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Go to your bed. You gonna take a dump? Pete probably does. All right, this one's from Nick. $10 hoagie here. Is it garbage if your oral surgeon not only has but wants you to use his 5% cash discount? That's. Yes. And I think sometimes in certain settings, I know. Listen, I feel that's still a place where that plays ball. Cash really plays ball with Dennis. It's like Dennis and contractors.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
The only one still doing it. I feel like that's like getting your oil changed. They're like mechanics. I mean, like while they did go to Dennis medical school, what I don't want to. I'm not throwing shade. No, but oral surgeon. That's a doctor. Yeah, that's a doctor. You pull them all. You got to be an MD for that, I think. You got to go to medical school to be an oral surgeon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, you know, I mean, they're mechanics at the end of the day. I agree. I just think, I don't know, that's a little skeevy. Why? Do I appreciate it? Do I get it? Yes. Is it garbage? Yes. That's all I'm saying. You know why he's doing that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, thanks, fucking IRS Jimmy. Yeah, no shit. Of course. To see that kind of behavior from a guy sticking his fingers in your mouth. That's the kind of guy I want sticking his fingers in my mouth, if I'm being honest with you. Somebody who's been around a block, he knows. Gives you one of these. I got you, didn't I? He's just fucking with you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, the ladies like you. And the boys. What? When's the last time you beat your tongue?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh, yeah, I mean, that would, the dentistry realm is the only medical world where that's okay. And I don't know why it is, it just feels okay to me. You want her for surgery? You can be KK. Well, like, a lot of times they do it in her house and shit. It's like, I mean, you got an office in your house. That's off the books. 5% less. It should be 10% if we're talking cash. I mean, 5% is all right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I've noticed that a lot more. It's going to be this if you're paying cash. I want more people to say it to me. I got some work done in the burbs, and I was chomping at the bit for them to say cash. I offered cash to one guy. He said, whoa, whoa, hey, yo. I said, you are not the guy, okay? Get your fingers out of my mouth. Sorry, I'm a plumber.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
What? I don't know. This one's just funny. This is from Travis. How many Band-Aids on a wound before you hit the ER? That's pretty good. Yeah, I never didn't have a wound that didn't close. I had a chunk taken out of my leg. I got hit by a bike. My buddy James hit me on his bike. It would take a lot for Patty to take you to the ER for a cut. Oh, cut, yeah. Yeah. Head, something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
What is that? The quickest, I had a pool basketball net in the wind, fall down and hit me in the head, busted me open right here, no big deal. Those are bleeders, too. I went underwater, and I came up, and the water diluted. Jesus. I would have freaked. That's not a shark's game. Dude, it was bad. I got to give them to my family. I think I was in the hospital. They sued the shit out of them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I felt like a real fat kid when I did it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was their house. I was at the hospital within 15 minutes. I came up, and I think my stepmom was like, oh, my God. I hopped in the car. Look at his tits. We were ghosted. First time I told the hospital organization I catch heaters. Really? Why? He's like, you smoke? I'm like, yeah, I do. I wanted to be a tough guy. What am I, a fucking loser? Yeah. You? What's that got to do with anything?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. It's pumping you for information. What, do you need one? Now, what's the cash deal here? You do 10%. The head bleeds. But Patty was big, which I think I've told you before, big on what they call the butterfly. The butterfly stitch. We had packs of butterflies in the house. It's just like a souped-up Band-Aid. Pulls it tight. Yeah. Yeah, so she was all about that. I'll butterfly it!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh-huh. Took a lot for her to fucking drop cash for a stitch. Some shit she could do with the house with a little superglue. We all broke a lot of bones, and it would be like if you couldn't make it through the night. If you woke up at 3 in the morning going, my arm's fucking definitely broken. She'd go out. It was always, we'll take you in the morning. Going and paying a copay. Get x-rays.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like 80 bucks. That's something you do with a dog. If he's not shitting in the morning, we'll take him. That's what they would do if he couldn't make it through the night. That's a rough night. Those nights where you had to go to bed with something like that sucked. I went to bed a lot of nights with warts with the stuff on there, and it burned so bad you couldn't sleep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because Patty would take the top layer of skin off. Easy, easy, easy. Oral surgeon over here. It's fucked up. I give you 5% not to tell those stories. She'd sit there smoking a heater with tweezers, peeling it off. I dropped it. She did that at the wedding. She had, like, tweezers or something. She's like, I gotta go pull something out of someone's foot or something. At the wedding?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
He dropped his egg bite on the ground. And I mean, full-blown drop to push-up position to pick them up. Luke was like, I've never seen you move that fast in my life. You fucking remember that, punk. I still got a couple seconds in me. You went down quick. I had to cover you in egg bites. You didn't pop up too fast. You did eat them under the table. We got mice in this dump, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not at the wedding, but in Hawaii. We were by the pool. She's like, I gotta go. I was catching a heater with her. I gotta go. She sends someone up to get her tools. I guess she rolls with, like, you know, like the butchers have, like the chefs have that thing wrapped up. She puts all, like, fucking medieval tools she's got.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
here comes the ripper it's all just different heaters he lights them up yeah i gotta get a splinter out of megan's foot oh she loves pulling splinters and we got that deck bad deck bad that deck's been there 30 years like that and every year they get it sanded down a little bit and throw a fresh coat of paint on it but by fucking hell that thing's been painted 500 it's like a
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
pre-war building by late July that thing splintering and I remember my nephew or niece had a fucking splinter in there like it looked like a toothpick and man fucking Like McConaughey ripping the butt. Dude, she's in there digging that thing out. She loved it. Stop. Hold him. Kid's screaming. Broad's twisted, dude. She liked it when you were in pain. She liked to hear you yell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, this one's from Exfoliator. Is it garbage if you thought a family member being twice removed meant they got kicked out, gained everyone's trust back, then got kicked out again? I swear to God I thought that. I for sure thought that. Of like, he's been banished. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I thought. Once removed, twice removed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
What's the word when you get kicked out of a family? Banished?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Disowned? Disowned, yeah. Twice disowned. Just like, all right, we'll let him back. Gary did it again. Get the hell out of here, Gary. That's the second time you're out of here. I always felt bad when that happened to people. When their family would disown them. Because I feel like... I got a couple of them. I mean, disowned sounds like a dog. Being true trash, you know, even you might hate them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You still let them come over and shit like that. Like my parents, I don't think ever would have kicked me out of the house. They should have. Maybe I'd be a little more responsible. Where was I going to go? What? Join the army or something. A guy like you, be up there riffing. He's 12 years old. I mean, no one's disowning a 12-year-old. You know what I mean? I haven't seen it. I know a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
A kid in our neighborhood got sent to military school or something. But this was also like before you never saw him. It was right after 9-11. Playing for keeps. It was probably before 9-11. You never saw him? What do you mean? That was it? No, I know him now, but I'm just saying like he can't. I feel like you just come back a better killer when you do that shit. A more educated psychopath.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like going to jail. You can't learn how to cell blow. Yeah, no, but, like, he was just this, oh, that's fucking so-and-so. He goes to his parents, shipped them. We were like, god damn, this loveless outlaw. That's insane, shipping a kid off. I know. We had a couple of times where friends of my brother's stayed with us for, like, a couple of months. Like, yeah, his parents kicked him out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like, I knew the parents. Like, what the fuck? You dump him on us? Are you sleeping with this psychopath in the next room? Wake up, he's standing over you. Hey, Henry. He was the coolest kid in school, so I didn't mind. Keith Cody, shout out to him. R.I.P. Good looking. Looked like Brad Pitt. Like, proper looked like Brad Pitt. Two years older than me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Had the coolest t-shirts, coolest kid ever. Parents kicked him out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Couldn't have been that cool. It was very cool. Pulled into school with him. Hey, don't, honey. Parents don't even like him. What are you talking about? He's a troubled kid. Sure. All right, let's see here. This is from Harrison. Is it garbage if your parents are technically step-siblings?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
My dad's dad married my mom's mom ten years ago, so now I get screwed with only one side of the family gets for Christmas gifts. What? So his mom's mom. His mom's mom. Was single. His grandmother, his maternal grandmother was single. His maternal grandfather was single. And they got together. That's got to be small town shit. I don't know, though. Those old people don't get out that much.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who knows what I caught from that? Sure, sure. I got something for you. Talk to me. My wife is away at the moment. She's in Germany. And I had to trim my beard this morning. Your beard is weird. Your butthole, you mean? I did do a little perusing down through.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
They see each other at the, oh, well, my dad's by himself. My mom's by herself. Bring them over for Christmas. And then they meet, and then they go get coffee. I still don't have my head wrapped around it. That's a real juicy Lucy. Okay, so you have a couple, a mom and a dad. The dad has a dad who's single. The mom has a mom who's single.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
After the fact, after they've had families and stuff like that, obviously. The mom died. The grandmother died. The grandfather died.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's kind of okay. At that point. It depends how old they are. If they're in their 60s. Those presents probably start to suck at a certain point anyway. There's always a certain point where grandparents' presents start to suck. That reminded me of, do you see when there's that thing going around where they just took stuff from the grandmother's house and gave it as the gifts?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which also reminds me, did you ever see this guy? It was like a YouTube prank. There was two guys owned a pawn shop. Oh, it's great. And the one guy gave the other guy access to it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was like, I got a T-shirt just like this. Yeah, I don't know, man. Holy shit. Call the cops. This guy stole my shit. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right with that, I guess. I mean, like, it's not... Think they're boning? It's not incestual at any point. No. All the bloodline has already been built out. Yeah. Yeah, I would assume they're boning. I mean, it's well documented.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Those old people. Get after it. Yeah. Bone zone. You know, they don't. It's not like they have like social circles. So it's like somebody to go to Applebee's with during the day. Pick her up from the hairdresser. Spending time together. It's more social. It's more like, you know, unless they're like freaks. They got sex wings and stuff. Yeah. I don't know, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't see that in the cards for Patty. What? You know, having a friend. You never know. Unless she does. And I don't know. I mean, listen, the way he was all over me at that wedding, there's no way she's not. Who you been pulling splinters out of, huh? Yeah, I would say, I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't say, you know. I think if I went home and the guy was in my house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You'd have sex with him too? I'd have a problem with it. If I saw another guy going through my dad's refrigerator, I would have a problem with it. Making himself real comfortable here, aren't you? I can't grab a cold drink. He's busy boning your mom all day. Good luck in that house. I like getting a cold drink. She's got nothing in there. Two ice cubes. Fucking brutal. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Put the merkin on? You know why it's called merkin? Do I know why it's called merkin? Merlin's brother. Merlin and merkin. They were two wizards back in the day. Sure, yeah. So when you used to get, you would get, I don't know, whatever VD, which we call it a VD, is a real grody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, she's four years older than my mom. World of difference. You hear that, mom? I just got hooked up here. What? I just got married. So? I can't be dating your mom. First of all, no one mentioned anything about that. Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Might get her cooking again now. I mean, hey. You know, that's a big thing with me. Yeah, I'm aware. You're mean to your widowed mother. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I just think it would be better for her if she started cooking for herself instead of eating out. You know? And then maybe, you know, a couple cutlets fall your way. She does cutlets. Maybe a panini. She does cutlets for the kids. But that's in, like, a mass production. One Sunday, she'll knock out, like, 300 cutlets. She'll bring them to this family, that family, the other family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Those are all my dad's recipes, though, and I don't want her sharing that with some fucking asshole. Some fucking plumber. What's wrong with plumbers? My family's plumbers. Fine for your crew. It's a house of learned doctors. Fair enough. This one's just funny. This is from Larry Vaynerchuk. Do you have any ex-best friends? That's a dirtbag thing. You used to be my best friend. Real dirtbag shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one's funny. Choo-choo Chang. You ever hit the clean button on the oven? That seems so dangerous to me. Even my knowledge of what I know now. I didn't like putting the broiler on. It scared the bird in the house down. Dude, my wife tries to do it. I go, knock it off. I go, stop. This is why we don't use the broiler. Nobody cleans the oven like that anymore, do they?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I thought that stopped years ago. Because I remember my mom, like on a Sunday night, would go in with the Easy Off or oven spray.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then crank it up to like 9 million. Yeah. And that could not have been good for you at all. Chemicals at high temperatures could not have been good for the family. I've never cleaned a stove. I'll, like, wet a paper towel and, like, do that. I'll do scrubbing on top with the Palmolive or the Fantastic Cut the Grease.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't like using chemicals, and I feel like I don't get them out, and then I'm, like, cooking with chemis. You got all that grease and shit in there? There's not that much grease. You frying burgers? I'm not cooking burgers. Juicy Lucy's in the goddamn oven. Oh, I thought you meant on top of the stove. No, the oven.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, that's what I'm saying. The only thing I'll do it is if, say, I was making like a DiGiorno or something and the cheese falls on the bottom, you know, because I go panless, the cheese falls from the rack down on the thing and that'll burn. I'll get that stuff off because that'll just keep setting the smoke alarm off. Everybody knows that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Speaking of DiGiorno, I think it was about a week ago I saw you with a Stouffer's French bread. It's not, yes, yes, yes, you did. Ladies out of town, cooking for yourself, huh? Man, I... Real patty move. I got home... I had that din-din. You went extra cheese, which is a strange choice. That's all they had. The supermarket was closing. All right, get in there real quick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Whatever venereal disease you would get, it was like syphilis or something, they'd hit you with a shot of mercury, and that would make all your hair fall out down there. So they'd shoot you in a wee-wee with it, and then all your pubes would fall out, and they'd give you a fake toupee. Keep up appearances.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was blood in the water for a frozen za. And I like a DiGiorno, but I eat the whole thing, and that's a lot. That's a heavy. I was trying to be, you know. You eat the whole thing. Oh, 100%. Their crust is so good. I do two. No, I cut it into quarters. Oh. I do two slices, so half. I go back and get one half. I lie to myself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And then after that settles, I go back, and now that fourth one's cold like an hour and a half later. I can take that down. That frozen, that cooked frozen pie sitting on the fucking cutting board in the kitchen. Nothing better, dude. I was all, dude, that was all of the pandemic when I was down in Wildwood.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'd buy the, I think it was like the Signature, whatever Acme's brand is, like Signature Class. Man, it was a knockoff DiGiorno. It was better because it wasn't as thick. It was a little thinner. Man, and I would, that was, get it perfectly golden brown, put it on a big cutting board. Woo! Get my... Let it sit there for the neighborhood to see. I gotta post it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's on an angle like it's a slut shop. You put it on the windowsill like an old pie. Woo! Nothing to see here. Just a signature deep dish. Couple of escape convicts trying to steal it out of the window. They're always doing that. They're always stealing pies out of the windows. I don't think that really ever... I mean, that was probably three things that, you know... I'm gonna go fuck myself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, this is like the oldest... Have you ever put a pie out to cool down? No, I have a refrigerator. I don't need to. Back then, they didn't have refrigeration. They put it on the windowsill. Also, I've said before, well-documented, that is my move. I cut the pizza. It's hot as shit. Take that, put it on a plate. Throw it in the frizz? Throw it in the freezer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's outside waxing up the Lumina. Okay. Getting it ready for the week for Kippy. All right. I respect that. Got a baby oil out there on that driveway. Call that the Diddy Special. Got some Last Palm Hero over there on the old Patreon. My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I take my drinks, and I put them out. I put them out by the couch where I'm going to sit. And this whole time, I'm cooling. I come back. I pet the dog. Hey, how you doing? And then I go pull it out about 35 seconds. Whoo! Woo, doggy. Then by the time I eat those, the other ones are room, not room temp, but edible. This is why he's running the company, gang. My brain's behind the operation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
La Panini, man. All right, we got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. Uh-huh. See you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Keep up appearances so you don't get left out in a whorehouse for being some prepubescent weirdo. Hey, check that cube all over here. So this is what I was told. Is that true, Luke?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
So, yeah, they give you like a fake one, and it was called a Merkin because mercury, whatever. I don't know. That's pretty good. If not, let's make that up and run with that. So you were taping that up. So I was taping up my murky. You're trimming your beard. Trimming my beard. Is this recently? Yeah, today. Okay. I just hit it with a five piece. Just clean it up a little bit. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is neither here nor there. You don't have to go. I just see some stragglers. Yeah, okay. Do you, Father Time, over there? No, my shit's tight. No, it's not. Sure it is. Okay. I'm doing this, by the way. You're doing what?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's up close. It is gross. Yeah, I'm getting, I'm coloring. I thought you just said it was, oh, you're, no, do not color it. I am. No. I don't care.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I feel like, I feel like, what's his name? You look like a billy goat. Grab you a bite of scruff. I feel like a silverback. I don't like this. It's not. Because it's not easy. You got to keep it tighter. You got to go tighter. Nah, see, I go tighter. Then the chin starts showing. No, I mean, you can go tighter than that. I got these people fooled. Do you? I'm not fat. I do that a lot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's all those black t-shirts. What's the cleanup process after you shave? Like on the sink. I'm assuming you're shaving at the sink. I do it in the bedroom. I wouldn't put that past you. In bed. Spread my A around. Okay. I go into the bathroom. Okay? I take everything off the sink. Smart move. Right? Cleaning up all the trinkets is a fucking... That's the worst, dude. She's like Sherlock Holmes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
She finds one thing. She's like, lock the doors. She freaks out. You've really been pushing that bit for a while. You used to do that, Ten. You'd lock the doors. No one leaves. Someone farted. Okay. Shitlock Holmes. Okay. Kid liked it. Patent pending. Someone trademarked that. I don't mention you, my dear boy. Also, you've been... God damn it! You've been writing it for 10 years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You only have those two lines. Hey, you don't mess with a classic. Take everything off. All right? Take everything off. Dry sink, dry countertop. The second water gets introduced to this process, you might as well. It's like an ink back went off when you were robbing a bank. I do my shit. I go like that because I'm shirt off. I put that in the sink. I run out to the kitchen. I grab...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Grab a sandwich. Okay. Run out to the kitchen. What do you get? I get two pounds of ground chuck. 80-20. Got to be 80-20. None of that 90-10 bullshit. Who the fuck am I? Goddamn American. Did they get fatter? Can you do like 60-40? Give me a half and a half.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Talk about a juicy Lucy. You ever have a juicy Lucy, by the way? Yeah, what's that? Man. That's how you end up with a merkin. Are you nuts? Juicy Lucians, I believe in Minneapolis, Minnesota, out there at the Twin Cities. They put cheese in the middle of the burger and cooked that up. Yeah, I didn't know. And I'm sitting there at the bar waiting to go up and bomb.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And also now on Spotify. Go over there. You can leave a look.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I take a bite of this fucking thing and I get a hot one. I get a hot dose right in the back of the throat. I almost slapped this bro. For a minute in the 90s, There was a rumor going around that if you wrapped, when you were making your burgers on the grill, if we weren't using Bubba Burgers, which we usually did use Bubba Burgers, shout out to them. Remember Bubba Burgers? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, we were more of a- Make your own patty, family? Oh, no. Oh, American Pat. I got you. The shitty ones from ShopRite or whatever. America's Choice. We were a super fresh family at the time. Chopping those things apart with a fucking butter knife. That'll cut you up. Man, talk about smashing your knuckles on four frozen hamburgers. They've been in there since the Carter administration.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Anywho, for a minute, there was a rumor going around. Where? The dirtbag culinary world of my family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think that plays. Yeah. She almost burned my dad's face off. Why? Because it melted and it was like a pool of water in there. She packed the burger too tight. My dad took a bite of it. Fucking burns it. He had like a visual burn on his face. Could have been a herpiderm. Acting out. Could have been a merkin. A little bit of a merkin flare up if you get. Got bit by a Juicy Lucy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
So I go out to the kitchen. I grab... I forgot about this. I grab the Dyson, okay? Really? Grab the Dyson, put the short thing on there. I go in there. Right up my butt. And vacuum all... Everything... Really? Everything out of the bowl. Really? Of the sink. Really. Sometimes in the bowl if it's dry. And then I just take water and scoop it around on the inside, let it flush down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which I've noticed and been taking some heat for... The drain has been running a little slow after doing that for a while. I got to get some Drano in there. Yeah. But that's my process. Then I get in the shower. All right. That's pretty good. That's really good. I did mine today. And since no one, I'm just living by, I just ghosted. Really? I said, Hans, let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
We got to get the hell out of here. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I'm not spitting. I mean, I did it. I showered and I left. I'm not going to be living with that. So when you go home tonight, you're going to clean it up. I got to take care of that. But I was in a rush. But what I do, the water, water is a really, it gets stuck to your fingers. It looks like you were shearing a sheep. It's everywhere. It's brutal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You get a full video available on Spotify. You comment. You do your little rate review over there. Let's get those numbers juicing. Let's get a bag. They do all that over there? They do rate and reviews and comments and stuff? Yeah. No kidding. Uh-huh. These guys are pretty good. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash all your garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
And the second it gets wet and sticks to you, it's like, I feel like it's all pubes. You know what I mean? It's bad. I'll wet a piece of toilet paper, a little bit. Toilet paper? Yeah, just a little bit. I got good TP. I wet a little bit of that, right? And you get a smidge and then that's enough. And then I'll like like I'm busting a table. I'll zip zap around you and that'll get most of it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
But if I mean, I'm a lazy guy. So a lot of times I just kind of the top with the soap and the thing. And that's you're done. You lift that up. That's like you could clone me down there. It's bad news. For a while, I was taking a paper towel and folding it over like a like a tarp. Really? That's pretty good. Not bad. I want to put a mirror in my bathtub, like in the shower, so I can do it in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's everywhere. You shave in the shower? What? You may as well be a 90s dad. I wouldn't have the water on. I would just stand in there and clean it up. I hate that. I can't stand naked in the shower without it running. Who said I'd be naked? Trying to move tickets, aren't you? Shaving over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I haven't done it, but I'm just saying. I mean, maybe I'm in my boxers or something. Because you got to... I've tried it, and I've been jumping back and forth, and that don't work. Oh, no, I thought... Looks like a dog who got fucking surgery. I'm missing patches all over my shit. If you did it in the shower, just do it in the shower. What do you mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do it when you get into the shower, like when the shower's running. You can't stand in a shower in just your boxers and shave. That's weird. Isn't it cold in there? I wouldn't like that. Cold? I'd feel like fucking Rambo. I mean, I'm not like posted up. I mean, it takes three, four minutes to shave. I just zip, zap, zoom. You have your socks on in there? Maybe. I got my shoes on. I got a jacket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to run. I'm an international businessman. I got shit to take care of. When's the last time you were in boxers and sneakers? I don't think ever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
One time the alarm went off and the burbs. Man, I need pants. I've said that before. I need a pair of slacks to feel confident. Underwear, socks, and sneakers. Is this a dream? And I put on shoes to go check something. Fucking check a sweep in that place scares the bejeebus out of me. I can't stay there alone. No way. That's his fucking hellhound. What? This thing was barking at fucking nothing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You go over there. You get all. Oh, that bonus content, gang. I'm talking about four years of bonus episodes and hard feelings. Oh, you get it. You sign up right now. You get all that backlog. That's a lot. Also, for the listener, Foley just took out his in before we started and put it right in his pocket. They drive very quickly. That's insane behavior. That's insane behavior?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, he keeps showing your fucking toes, though. Good looking kid, though. Gang, the show is sponsored by BetterHelp. 2025 has begun. Do you want a new you? Do you want to get your shit together? I've been trying to get my shit together through talk therapy. BetterHelp can help. It's a great way to get into talk therapy. You can do it in your place. You can text. You can call. You can do video.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
If you got to get something big off your mind, you want to get something small off your mind. If you want to help map out your 2025, I'm telling you, talk therapy and BetterHelp can help you accomplish those goals. Yes, big fan of talk therapy. I have used it multiple times throughout my life for hard patches, whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
If you're just a little lost, a little fuzzy, just need to get some stuff off your chest. With BetterHelp, you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. It's easy to switch therapists at any time at no extra cost. I'm a big proponent of that. Better Help makes it easy just to get in the pool.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're not calling 50 places, leaving voicemails. They get back to you. Hey, I can only do Tuesday at 5. This just gets you in the pool, and then you can figure it out from there. But just get in the pool and start helping yourself. Right now, you can write your story with Better Help. Visit BetterHelp.com slash garbage. You get 10% off your first month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I don't like rats, but I never went face-to-face with a demon before.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Listen, it's Aura Frames, and I got a little beef with Aura Frames. Why? I'm pissed. I've already given everybody Aura Frames. I can't double down. I've given them to my mom. I've got one for every goddamn room. It's that good of a gift. Upgrade. Get her a nice one. Good stuff. I've done it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, you want to stay in the will? Aura Frames. Kish. Keep these broads up to date on what you're doing. Got two words for you, Carver Matt.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Let's go. Aura Frames has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matt frame. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, Frames.com. Promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us and check out terms and conditions applied. Do it. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yes, and Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA. I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. Great sex is just a few clicks away. You sign up at bluechew.com. Consult with one of their licensed medical providers. And once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. And guys, be ready when she needs it. And let me tell you, she needs it. And get your first month of Bluetooth.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
She's been calling me. Get your first month of Bluetooth. She's calling me. She needs it. All right. No one's giving it to her. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at Bluetooth.com. Let's go. And we got a special deal for AYG listeners. Try your first month of Bluetooth for free when you use the promo code garbage. That's a lot of sex. Just pay $5 for shipping.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That's promo code garbage. Visit bluechew.com for more details, important safety information, and we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring a podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I got a weird thing with spiders. If I'm walking and I walk into one, the shirt's got to come off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
In my head, that's in my head. And you always feel him, even whether he's there or not. You feel him go down your neck. And I got to fucking, I'll get in the shower, jump in the pool or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm with the ex-murderer. A pair of cut-off sweatpants.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm sorry, I didn't know. I love him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
For legal purposes, your body cam's running right now. You got to tell me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You guys have a set of suspenders.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He came over to me. He came over to me. He's like, so what, do you not even just want to smoke anymore? And I went, no. And I saw him look at it and go, and just flicked it over the balcony.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
By the way, for the audio listener, he just put that belt on sitting down. Sitting down. That is what we call in the business. Skinny mini. A tight little body. Tight little ass on that kid. TLB, tight little body.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Out there by yourself. That should be your next album.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He just took down the Catholic Church.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Are you the new pope? What the fuck? And you're like, nah, he was born. Oh, yeah, you're right. 2,500 years of Christianity down the tubes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
We're screwed. We told you not to let him get skinny. He's got all his brain power.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Man, we just bought. That's how stupid we are.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, that's a bigger hog in my pocket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Listen, I've also been to that consultation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And then go on television and be like, she fucked my ass up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I've kind of just said it's never, nothing's ever going to be great on me. I got a bad ass, got a bad hog, bad body.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
My move is I stopped going, you know, I got this from Mr. Volcano as well. He goes, I don't do shirt and tie anymore. He's like, I've worked enough, I've accomplished enough that, like, I just don't look good in it, so I just do, like, kind of like a knitted shirt or something like that. Sure. Button down. No, no button down. No button down at all. Like a light sweater or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Well, speaking of a wedding, too, this was a recent one we had talked about. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation, but we kind of got a little bit of flack. Get invited to a dry wedding. It could be dry for whatever reason. It's a dry wedding. Is it wrong to have a couple of drinks before and or sneak in a flask or a shooter or something like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Would you do that or would you go, I'm flying high and dry the whole time?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's not open yet. That's his second one. Oh, it is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Okay. You would just get high and be like, I can just... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I will see. I wanted to quit. I was like, oh, I'll quit at the beginning of the year, the beginning of January. And at the end of December, I got real sick, COVID or flu, whatever the fuck it was. And so I was out of commission for 10 days. And I was like, hey, man, if you're going to do it, you're already 10 days in. Like, just fucking roll with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I actually just, I'm down a couple pounds. I had to get some new clothes. You're down a couple pounds. I needed to get some new clothes. Need some new clothes. I got new True Classic pants. There you go. They came this morning. They were so, I didn't want to wear them out today. What are they? They're like jeans, like light, nice fit, tailored jeans. They're fan freaking tight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You look like it's cool guy stuff. You know what I mean? True Classic has one mission. It's to make sure guys look good and feel even better, and they've nailed the fit, the feel, and the price across the entire wardrobe, not just the tees. Like I said, I got the pants, and baby, I'm about to be unleashed on this city.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They got hoodies, jeans, activewear, everything you need to level up your everyday style.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You're having people over. Yeah, you're having a party.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Say you're at a family member, like, you know, not like...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm right there with you. You feel like there's still some on your butt?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Listen, I think that's fair as comics. We share green rooms. We share hotel rooms. We've shared all of this stuff. That's fine as comics. It's like a prison cell. Yeah, it is what it is. We live a little outside the boundaries of normal life. He's doing it at a family, like a non... These aren't comics. These are like normal... It's Christmas. He's pooping in someone's bedroom at Christmas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I appreciate the share of that. If you're pooping at a restaurant, that's... It's like a psoriasis medicine commercial.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That's what I'm saying. Dude, you're in a restaurant for 90 minutes?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I've never been at a Dually Pianos bar in Philly. Nice. Hi to me. Hi to Cool Kev going out. I got a nice button up on Express probably, put it on my Express credit card, never paid. And I remember, I got a shambler out at night. It's like a club, and I got a dump.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They can just improv every song kind of, and if they don't know it, that's half the thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Well, just one will play a song or two, then they'll get a request. Say it's me and Jay. Say we're each piano players.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You want a request. I want a request. Hey, I got to take a shit. There's a man in the bathroom dumping. Hey, can you sing that song? Can you give me five minutes? I'm going to go see if I can drop one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I was in the band. It was like one of them. It was like two urinals and a stall, and I got it. You know, it's bad. I was in line. I was trying to time it to where it's just like, I don't want to have to be like, I got to shit. So I'm hoping it times out. So the stall opens up and I can just go in the stall because there's a line.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I don't want to announce to the line that, you know, I got to take it, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And so then the guy's like a urinal opened up and I'm like, nah, like the guy behind me is like, oh, there you go. I got a small dick. I go, that's all you, man. I got to I got to take your shit. And I think I got a shit or something. I don't want to do it. And I mean, it was like knocking at the door bad. And I get in there and I immediately let loose.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
and the two guys peeing, and they were like, boys, he's like, you believe this fat guy pooping at the club? And the one guy goes, how bad is your day that you didn't take care of this?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They're talking about you? Yeah. Fuck you guys. I could have grabbed his ankle. He was right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
All right. Let's see. As you know, when you sign up at a Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question. This one's just funny. This is from Adrian. Is it garbage to hit the heavy bag at the gym like a pro in hopes that the owner who runs a boxing gym watches the security footage and discovers me? I understand that level of delusion for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Your stepdad was, is this that time?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
My dad got one from a buddy at work that he worked with. Gave him one. I was like, we're going to set this up. I'm going to be fucking. It's probably February. I'm like, I'm going to be yoked by come summer. I'm not. No t-shirt in the pool for Kip Arena this summer. I'm going to be fucking shredded. We never hung it up. And it just leaned against the wall in the basement.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And I would be down there fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I think it's already past that 11th hour.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Holy shit. That's good shit. Okay. All right, this one's from Forrest Dump. Hell of a name. Ever go to the bar on crutches? That's a tough look. I've seen it for sure. Big chick move. Yeah, the chick in the boot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I just saw this was maybe a couple of years ago. I was down in Wildwood, New Jersey. Guy was in an Allen Iverson shirt. Jersey. Allen Iverson jersey. No shirt on under the jersey. Just the jersey. This is adding up. Tucked in?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And he had a neck brace on at Kenan's. Kenan's happy hour. Dude, and he couldn't, like, really tilt his head back. I remember he was crushing Coronas. This guy is fucking in it to win it, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, he was rolling around with them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. The handles in the front. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Uh, yeah, I never, uh, I had crutches. I was on crutches for a minute and we had the, they hurt my under, I was a fat kid. So they hurt my, my under pits. And, uh, I remember my mom wrapped, uh, like kitchen towels around it with duct tape. That was like the padding. Oh yeah. I've seen that. They were mismatched at that day. The one Christmas kitchen. Oh yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Kiss the cook or whatever. Oh man. Oh, God damn. All right, this one's from Mitch Cranberry. $5, homie. Are you garbage if a severance check you received when you got laid off was the most money you've ever had in your bank account at one time? That's like a dirtbag windfall. If you get some sort of settlement check or like, you know, duh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That was always... I mean, I live such paycheck to paycheck. Still do, relatively, at the moment. And it was so, like, if you could have... I remember my one buddy inherited 10 grand from his grandmother who died when he was like fucking eight. And we were like, I remember being like. You have a billion dollars. I would retire. You got 10 grand. 10 grand. High school, you got 10 grand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'd be like, fucking fuck college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
So, long story short is the bar mitzvah package wasn't going to... The Bubba and Zeta aren't really cutting me the... Diddy's not showing up to perform at my...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You're such a dirtbag. Oh, there you go. That's good cash. Nice. Mesothelioma money. Look at you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Think they're cutting a check like that for fucking pneumonia? No way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. That's funny. I remember when I had to make 7-Up your shirt. I wore it to seventh grade immediately. They made me go to the nurse and turn it inside out. Really? Yeah, because it was like profanity or whatever. Oh, seven up yours. Make seven. Because that was the whole campaign was make seven and the back of the shirt said up yours. So everybody's like, fuck you, fuck you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Because they're just reading up yours. So that was like the big thing. They cause chaos when they walk down the street.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I feel classier when I have it on me anyway.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
We went to the airport the other day, and we were in a smaller airport, Minneapolis. It was a small airport, and it was like, you know how sometimes it's like all gates this way, all gates that way? So we went to the one, and it didn't have TSA PreCheck. But there was no line, and it was like the TSA PreCheck was like 500 yards away. So we're like, I'm like, I'm just fucking going through here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You guys know what I'm talking about, of course. Also, like, dude, that's... That's a story like Kid Rock could have told. Then I can't even get into my snake pit, dude. There's no access to the Viper Lounge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, God, that's so funny. All right. We got time for a couple more here. This is from Roscoe. $10 enabler here. Never have one read. Is it garbage if you know how long you can hold your breath as an adult? I'm 33 and just ripped 88 seconds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
No, that was the big thing. As a fat, asthmatic kid, this is pre-heaters. Oh, you're asthmatic. Pre-heaters. They would have to hold me under. Everybody, my brother, everybody's ripping 30, 40, 50 seconds, and I'd come up at 12. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I'm not going all the way back. I turn around because we had to take our shoes off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's an Olympic pool. I'm completely dry. Bathing suit's not even, back in front of my bathing suit's not even wet. Like a ShamWow. Why don't they make the whole bathing suit out of that stuff? I don't know. Those things are great. This one's from Cale. Ever had a job where the vehicle had a permanent now hiring sticker on the back? I don't know. What are they, just perpetually hiring?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He was bringing up old shit. It's the last flight we took. I turn around. He's standing there. It's like belts off, shoes off. You're standing there like you're an intake. Spread your ass cheeks and cough. They're hitting you with the de-lousers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Always hiring. Truck driver. A lot of the truck drivers, like, you know, lease, you know, start making whatever. I've seen them with a salary, like $5,200 a month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Or like cold call in or like going and knocking. I did that for Verizon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Shit. I went to one. I found it. So I would do Craigslist. And I'd found the thing. And I went. It was like a subcontractor for Verizon. You'd go to businesses and go, who's your guy? Can I see your bill? I can save you. Whatever. If you switch over. And the kid, it was in South Jersey. It was in Cherry Hill or Pensauken. One of those complexes. Yeah. Went in. It was like a rented conference room.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
They gave me the pitch, and I went out with a guy, like a kid. He's like, you'll go out with me. You'll shadow him today. Unpaid, obviously. Not paying me. Unpaid, and I get in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He had white Oakleys on, which is never a good look. Yikes. And he's like... You're a big press, I'm a little hungover. I'm like, ah, yeah, I get after it too, you know. You ever been doing piano bars? You ever shit at a club?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And he goes, I go, yeah, he's like, yeah, I was at a big Halloween party last night. I was like, oh, yeah, where were you? Did you dress up or whatever? He's like, yeah. He's like, you know Preston and Steve? It's like the local film. I'm like, yeah, it's a great radio station. Yeah. And he's like, we were at their party last night. I was like, oh, that's cool.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And I listened on the drive down, you know what I mean? And he's like... I was like, what was your costume? He's like, we came in third. I'm like, what was your costume? He goes, me and my boys all dressed up as Tetris pieces. And I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here. They were bragging about the Tetris pieces. This is a fucking bad look.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, we're coming to San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and Toronto. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. We'll see yous on the road. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
All right, we got time for one more, and then we got to wrap it up. This is from Nick. Very dirtbag thing. This is HeyGang, $10 donator. If someone asks you how much an item costs, do you include the tax in the price? Example, if a TV costs $500, do you save $550 just to make it sound more expensive? I always, I mean, I'll double it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, whatever came out of my pocket. For sure. I'd even do that. If it was $500, I'm like, that was fucking $1,500.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Check them out. Guys, we're all over the road. Tickets on sale now. Get them while supplies last. Ladies and gentlemen, we love you. Jay, we love you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
He's standing there, no belt, his pants are falling down, and he's barefoot in a dude just like fucking pterodactyl toes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
That's been a while for you. When was the last time you tucked a shirt in?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
15, 20 years? It's been a long time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Are you doing your Gallagher bits anymore?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Who do you think I am, Matt Damon or something?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Did I ever tell you that? I had surgery. I'm no Vincent D'Onofrio. You'll appreciate this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I had surgery on my arm and my hand, and I couldn't putt. They were jean shorts. I vividly remember it was September. I wore jean shorts to the hospital.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I should have worn, like, the way you want to go out. Slide you right into the casket if it don't work out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. I had to have my mom because, you know, you're a bigger guy. Jeans are typically tighter on you. You know what I mean? And I had to have her button them. And I remember she was like, didn't had never buttoned pants on somebody with a gut, let alone her 12 year old little sweet boy. And she was like, do you go above it or under it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
She's got the four thing, the four point cane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Go over there, get all that bonus content, and go get some live tickets. The Boy with the Back on the Block Tour is on sale right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
It's extra humid today. I can feel it in my knees.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know why we did. She got that in a fist fight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson
You afraid of bugs? Creepy crawlers?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
And let's talk turkey. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session. That's a lot of cash. That adds up quick. But with BetterHelp Online Therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. Look at that. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
It should be available to everybody. Sure. With online therapy, you'll get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you from everything from anxiety to everyday stressors. Your well-being is worth a lot. Visit BetterHelp.com slash garbage. You get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Something you can swing from. Guys, be ready when showtime. I'm getting all hot and bothered under here thinking about hold-ons. Be ready when she's ready, and get your first month of Blue Chew for free, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
And Blue Chew tablets are made in the good old USA. I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. You can give that to Kippy's stamp of approval. It's prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part, it's all done online. That means no awkward visits where the doctor's like, anything else? You're like, I don't know. You go right to the doctor. Bada bing, bada boom. No awkward conversations.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
No waiting in line at the pharmacy. Shipped right to your door. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. We got a special deal for AYG listeners. Try your first month of Blue Chew for free when you use the promo code garbage. Just pay five bucks for the shipping. It's got coverage shipping. There you go. That's promo code garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Visit Bluetooth.com for more details, important safety information, and we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. Yes, we do. Do you remember any of your AOL screen names or your instant message or early email addresses? Yeah, and I'm not going to tell you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
It's because... Sounds like you're embarrassed. That's what a guy who would be embarrassed to say.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Very nice. Yeah, I'm Spitfire 542. What of it? I'm B-Ball Jams 111.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
You had to be how old? You're 28 now. You're a little businessman. Yeah, you had to be like 11 or younger than that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
See if we can get you. See if Google will be. I already Googled. How old is he? How old am I? Wait, hold on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I'm looking right here. He's older than me. There's no way he's 28 and had a pager at 9-11.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Kids cutting deals. Because I had a pager in, like, fifth grade. And, you know, yeah, no.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Those guys sold weed out of the back and worked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
They still do all right, man. Of course. You're down in the village. Dude, if you're down in the village and a group of them walk out and they're like dressed blues or they walk into the bar, it's over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
You saw them getting blown? Oh, he was blowing them, so it's tough to not see when there's a wiener in your mouth. But it is a family program.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
You got the suspenders. All right. You do some fun stuff with your tongue when you laugh. I know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
But you smell like a hooah. I'm a little sensitive.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I think famously Rosie O'Donnell used to do five. 40 spritzes. See if you can find. She would do like five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five. It was a wild combination.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I saw the show. Let's break the fourth wall. I used to be a big fan of the Rosie O'Donnell program. Came on 10 o'clock, I believe, on ABC. Big, huge fan, and I saw it with my own eyes because I remember going, that's a lot of perfume.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Listen, he's the barometer. It can't be that hot. I mean, you also got a sweatshirt on. You got your goofy sweatshirt on. Were you at Disneyland last week? Fucking Disney adult over here. Welcome to the Thunderdome, Glassman.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
She did it on the show. 40 spritzes. You're in the Reddit. You're part of the rumblings. What's my screen name?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Did you ever close off of that? In college? It wasn't college. Oh, college, it was probably something different. It was probably like. Please, please, please. I say. Wait, close off of what? His screen name?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I mean, to have the wherewithal at that point to be like, can I kiss the top of your head? And then to do it anyway. God would have been honking gazoongas. You know, a different time. I had my pager on me. All right. He's a squirrely one, this guy. At any point, did you or anyone in your family ever have a wooden toilet seat?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Do you have a pepper shaker or a pepper grinder?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Big pin in that. There's a tray involved. Oh, yeah. You bring a tray out. A TV tray. A proper just a tray. Like in a cafe. You would get in a cafeteria. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Huh. That's very classy. But I love it on Trey because you have everything there. That's so smart. I wanted to make it funnier, but that's fucking pretty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Sometimes I put a LaCroix in my armpit to get it out there so I don't spill.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
That's a muddler. Yeah, you would do that in the class. Avocado. That's a comic from the 80s, the muddler. Johnny Muddlers?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Yeah. Can you believe that? I can't. We had to have our research team go back and listen to the episode. And they said the verdict was classy, which I was astonished.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Buddy, I'm giving you everything in the kitchen right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
No, he's shaking his head yes. And you're going, Rick, you're wrong on this one. I got news for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Let's get him laid. Get the firefighters. Let's go. How did you get the knives from Cleveland to Los Angeles?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
No. I'm trying to get he flew back with you. He flew back with silverware? He flew back with used silverware from Uncle Bob, which to me is pretty fucking crazy. It wasn't used. You said Uncle Bob has this silverware.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Well, that's the way you spun it. You said my Uncle Bob. Your mom said Uncle Bob's got these knives.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Yes, we have it in the office. I have it at the house. I have it in the burbs on the road. Lucas's job on the road is to bring like 50 packs of liquid IV for the whole team because we wake up, bada bing, bada boom. Being hydrated wasn't a thing you ever thought about. Now that I've used it, I go, I used to use it when I'm hungover or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Now I go, I use it every day just to feel good, just to feel hydrated, baby. Concord grape. Yeah. I like the new berry sugar-free one I eat. Treat yourself to extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use the code garbage at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code garbage. You know it. Liquidiv.com. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Kip, talk about true classics. Shout out to true classics.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Stop calling your arms pipes, by the way. They also have active wear, moisture wicking, odor fighting, quick drying, antimicrobial, baby. They got long sleeve Henleys, fleece hoodies, jeans, button ups, joggers, and more. They got you covered, baby. Premium clothes at an affordable price. They have the perfect outfit in five minutes or less. Everything goes great together.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Best selling t-shirts, jeans, hoodies, three packs, six packs, nine packs. How you doing? Out the door. These guys are moving units. Get in on the ground floor with them. Whether you're building up for the cold, bundling up for the cold, or getting ready for the spring, level up your style with clothes that fit just right. Use our exclusive link, trueclassic.com slash garbage to save.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
That's trueclassic.com slash garbage. Shop now and elevate your wardrobe today. Do it. Wow. Okay, so you flew back with the knives in some sort of container.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Do you currently owe anybody any money? Not a large sum, but like $20 from this or dinner or $10 or $5 from here? No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Where you buy for, you know? Arbitrary. No, I think it's arbitrage. Albatross. No. I'm not sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Other than a kiss on the forehead. Make way for the paying customers, Daddy. If you're just going to be here kicking tires, I'll send you to the house to watch the car. I'm just trying to move merchandise.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I remember trying and not being... The only thing I ever retained was mana.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Yeah, they were. You knew, because I remember that. I got into it for that reason. I was trying to wet my beak on this matter. Hey, there's the land deal. There's enough to go around. Dual lands are really expensive now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I'm trying to do a show here, Alvin. This dog's all over me. I feel like I'm at a ditty party. He's got a little can of baby oil in his hand. Glassman knows about those. All right, moving.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I remember going to a guy to buy a deck, and he was like, you could. He was selling me now that I look back on it. He glassed me to me. He was like, you're looking for this card. It could be in here. So I bought, like, three decks, and I got all mana. I was screwed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
There's that place in the village. Like we're across the street from the chest. It's like they have that. Oh, yes, I know what you're talking about. It's like a table game, like a card game type spot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
We're on Eli's side. As of now in the story, I'm Team Eli, all right? Of course. All right, guy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Let's see. Let's see what we can find. Because you are, you know, you are a man of pretty good culture, character. You're thoughtful. Typically, the garbage comes from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Like, as a card collector, I... You got Blake Griffin on here and not us? That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
The garbage comes from not being thoughtful. It's like tends to be laziness sometimes, which you are not that kind of guy, which I think it's tough to find the dirt under the fingernails.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Okay. Growing up, was there any communal collection of magazines in the bathroom?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Wait until the second half. Call a rope-a-dope.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
You were trying to see if it was the early days of dating to see if it worked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
When she's slobbing your knob. You won. Whether they make fun of you at a dinner party or not, you're getting your D sucked, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
We tell you, run that goddamn door. I was slipping out of my seat while you were told I was picturing your hog flapping through the. No, sir. If we're being honest, I was. That's where I was. I thought all the girls are going to be coming out fucking, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Trying to be the next Victoria's Secret model.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I like to trim. I remember seeing my cousin while he trimmed it. I was young on the beach, and he had it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
That fucking shit-ass voice. It's like, buddy, I don't know who you are, but you ain't Homer, all right? Or the Silver Surfer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Whoever he has a crush on at the moment. Dude, she does voices. Oh, he's coming in with some new pop star.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Got the obstacle. Good thing we got the guard dog here. All right. I mean, I think I got one or a couple more here we can just run through real quick. You open your eyes underwater in a pool. I want to. I've tried it. That's not for me. That's like he treated it like it's sushi. Listen, I give it a shot every time I get it. Not for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I'm trying to get you laid. Have you ever made poached eggs at the house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Do you have any half-used gift cards currently? Yeah, but I have them all in a pile somewhere that I'm not going to use. Okay, so nothing where you're like, I got to get to this. No, like, Best Buy for $100 that you're, like, waiting on a purchase?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Huh. All right. Can you whistle, Rick? That was done in post for the audio listener.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
If you get mail for the wrong person, what do you do? If it's in my, because I have a place where like. If it's in your building. Yeah, I go and I put it by their door. Okay, if it's not in your building. If it's, you know, your 123 Main Street, it comes in for 100 Main Street. Or one, two, three, second down?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
No, that's a generic joke. Really? For sure. That your neighbors don't like you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I don't want that whole chest hair incident again. That's not what I meant.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Also, do not take dental advice from both of us at all.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
They didn't have zip-offs back then. He was in cut-offs. He wore cargo shorts. That's different, though. Huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I mean, I listen. We tried. We threw the book at him again a second time. Kids all fucking class. Poland proof.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Rough. Hello! Annette! Yeah, it's bad news. Okay. Okay. All right, I got a couple. Let's just kind of get one thing we do that has developed in the show since you've been here is notable alumni on Wikipedia for your high school. What was the high school you went to? Orange. Orange. You glad I didn't say junior high? I'm looking forward to the back half of this thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Yikes. I think Tom Segura classed both times. We tried. Yeah, that's about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
All class. We love you, buddy. Thanks for coming by.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Simon and Theodore. What do you got for them, Kip? Guys, we're on the road as well. The Back on the Block Tour tickets are going quick. Second shows are being added. We can't add second shows in all the cities, so get them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I've never seen this guy in my life. And a dog sleeping.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
It's so weird that it's not like Orange County or just Orange High School. Not that weird. What was the mascot? Very weird. The Orange. It was an orange. A lion. It was a lion. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Somebody retire his jersey stat. All right, that's pretty good. Pretty good. Huh. That's awesome. See why we do it on the show? This is my first time broadcasting, Rick. Look at that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Put it this way. We're not on our notable list.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I miss every once in a while. I've never seen him throw a perfect game, let's put it that way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
He got close to a perfect game one time. He was on acid, but that's, you know. Nice headphones. See? It's just Panasonic's. Get my skull. Remember that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Ooh. See if we get notable alum on Kent State. Let's see how high this Glassman goes. There's a lot of action over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Real sports nut. Oh, I thought she got a position.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
You both almost died coming up the stairs today.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
It was the whole aftermath. It was everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Yeah, and the Back on the Block tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac, Michigan, March 8th. March 11th, Milwaukee Improv. And then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Fillmore. Get your tickets on eBarbers.com. We'll see you there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
This guy's good. This guy is good. He doesn't get the puns. He doesn't get the words. I'm not good with the puns. Um, hmm. Let's see.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Wait, who's Chum Lee? You don't know who Chum Lee is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
Is that the guy that comes up from underneath the stage? That gets me rock hard. The second we can afford to do that in a live show, I don't care if that's all the money. We're doing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I'm trying to see what he knows. 99% of the listeners know what fucking Chumlee and the Time Band did. Have you ever met Mike Rowe? Is your job dirty?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I never thought Chumlee would be an Asian guy. That's not, that's so not. The way you said it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
I didn't hit a gong when I said it. I thought it was a Kung Fu star. Okay. It's very funny. Like Michelle Yee.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Rick Glassman Returns!
You really got to roll up the sleeves and get in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Industry Insider w/ Dan Soder
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
You could do a welcome message when they get it. Hey, Ma, we know we don't get to see you that much. Want you to know, here's some pictures of what's been going on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
And you can constantly throw it in their face.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, but man, going down there, eating out of the trash, embarrassing them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Damn, that's what they force. I kind of knew that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's what they had fucking in a Christmas cow was a goose. Yeah. It's probably cheaper.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was the producer in the song. He was writing those songs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your deductible's going to go through the roof.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
We love that Chubby's over here. So do the kids, too. I've told you this. All the young kids in my family, they're all talking about Chubby. All these college kids, hook them all up this Christmas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
And you're doing six months in jail.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
What the fuck was wrong with them?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Caiman, yeah, caiman. Those look vicious.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
I have a feeling she wasn't. And I also have seen evidence of this throughout my life, and we've discussed it. I think a lot of people take a lot of liberties at grocery stores. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
You mean like it would just be cracked a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Can your dad play softball with me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Everybody sneezing, coughing, talking over it. That's... That's how COVID-20 starts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is that more for the toothbrush or the dishes?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
College Parties w/ Kippy & Foley!
I used to always give her shit about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hey gang, Kippy here. We're planning the fall leg of the Back on the Block Tour, and if you live in any of the following cities, click the link in the description and let your boys know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
From the first piece I put on, I knew it was for me. Built a little big around the midsection, tighter, snug where you want it, relaxed where you need it. No weird bunching, no awkward tight spots, just clean, effortless fit that works. Forget overpriced designer nonsense. Skip the cheap throwaways. True Classic delivers premium essentials built for real life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast, but with BetterHelp Online Therapy, you can save an average of up to 50% per session. You pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, save a new big cost, and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, it takes the quality care price that makes sense.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And you can get anything from anxiety to everyday stress. So your well-being is worth it. Visit BetterHelp.com slash garbage to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
First of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, just make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Mm-hmm. Could use a couple more reviews over there if you're listening. Bump reviews up. Full video available on YouTube and Spotify. Shout out Spotify.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I don't know if my property goes back that far.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yes, come see a live show. We still have a little sudden. We had to cancel the March. I'm sorry, April 14th, the Monday show in Pittsburgh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We're still there Tuesday. Sold out. Sold out, no big deal. Cleveland sold out. Still a couple tickets left to the second show there. We unfortunately can't make it. Boys are jammed up. We can't make it. We love you, so we'll make it up to you. And also, more dates coming down the road. More dates coming down the road. Just got the fall dates. We're taking the summer off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got lawn guy who I've never talked to. He just cuts my... I've never met him, never talked to him. He just cuts the grass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I was... I am relatively... I'm not handy. Enough. I'm pretty handy if I can get in the rhythm of doing stuff. You know what I mean? But, like, if I had to hang chicken wire in 80 houses, by the 10th one, I'd go, this is the best way to do it, this is the rhythm, whatever. I hadn't...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Kippy's having a goddamn baby. I got to be home.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're going to take back me not knowing what I'm doing? King of the bird.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
No, I don't like saying that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Hang out with the kids. We're good. We're good. We're all good on that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Come on, what's the first one? Chicken wire.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one's from Shitlock Homes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So everyone in the building pushes their shopping carts all the way up to their apartment. In the parking garage, there's a place where people park the carts when they're done, and a worker from Costco comes along and brings them back every morning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, that's probably not great. Wow. But... Because I'm not a Costco guy. We were a Sam's Club. You probably don't get bags at Costco, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So it's like you got a bunch of loose stuff. What's better than... There's no better flow order of operations than that. That's perfect, yes. And plus they come and get the cart for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, it's not great. That's been all over. Spills, kids, people pissing on the floor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I'm not saying what that role, what way that goes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one's from Pepe. Do you have any outlets that don't work? Alternatively, when was the last time you were physically shocked?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It was such a weird feeling. Oh, it was. I didn't. It was because it was dark. It was dark out, and I thought I was turning. I was in the living room, and I hit the switch. That didn't work, so I turned it on. There was no light bulb or something, and I reached in, and I mean, it was the last thing I was expecting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I got one or two now. It's typically the one behind the couch gets it because you put the cell phone plugged in, and then that gets pushed back and pushed back and pushed back. Maybe do a little boinking on there. You know what I mean? Sure. So we have one now that's loose. My wife, like, will plug, like, heavy stuff. And I'm like, that's a two-prong or maybe a cell phone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You know how sometimes the light fixture in the center of a room is not necessarily connected to... The lights aren't part of the light fixture. Does that make sense? No. Like, sometimes the light fixture just, there's a light in the, could be coming out of the ceiling, and the light fixture's just placed around that. Does that make sense? The light fixture? Yeah, like, just goes onto the ceiling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah. Oh, of course. But that's not technically connected to the light bulb itself. No, no, no, I got you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one was like, I was trying to get it all, and then the light sockets were part of the fixture itself. You know what I mean? And I was like, I could do it. And I'm like, what the fuck are you? I was just like, you're going to get zapped, dude. I don't know enough. I haven't changed one in a long enough time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
All right, this one's from Jessica Byers. $10, homie. Is it garbage to go to college classes with your mom when you were a kid? If my mom was jammed up and we didn't have a sitter for us, we would go to my mom's college classes all the time. This was a nice college, and we were a hit. I remember the library and cafeteria being top-notch. Wow, that's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
probably wires houses uh that's amazing that's really fucking cool also to not have the shame and be like fuck it this is where i'm at i'm bringing my kids to fucking college of course i'm swallowing this embarrassment in the in the short term to fucking better my my family's life that's amazing also being said also you guys being a hit it's pretty cool like oh that's janine she's got the ears uh fucking the two little ones kids are coming today that's a good
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Yeah, I would do the big breakfast as a kid. The scrambies, the muffin, the hash brown. No, I don't really remember.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one's for my Fumar. Is Fubar $10 Mountain Man? Never have one read. How long of a drive does it need to be until it's okay to fully, beyond forward and backward, change another driver's seat settings? Say that again? How long does a drive have to be until it's okay to change the seat settings?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're going to take it to get the car painted?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We had a couple of listeners. At the time of the program we were doing. Shout out to him. Well, I heard that girl talk to her mom in the most Philly accent ever. She said, hey, mom, remember when we were at the aquarium and we saw the hippo poop in the water? And I was like, dude, that woman, that girl does not stand a chance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Let's see. This one's from JM. $10 home, you never have one read. Are you garbage if you pre-green? This is a good one. Are you garbage if you pregame a dry wedding? It was one of my best friends, and I'm in the wedding party. He was one of my college roommates, and I've carried him home more than once.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You know what I mean? I don't know. I've also never been the drunk.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
He said back in the 70s when his dad was at work when he was a kid, his dad would call home and talk to the family on his lunch break using a pay phone. but his dad gave him the number to the payphone at work. His dad would use his quarter to make the call and would let it ring twice, and the family knew not to answer it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
His dad would hang up and press the button to get his quarter back, which I don't remember, but I guess they did. If they didn't pick up, you got your quarter back. Yeah. And then the family knew to call that payphone back, and his dad would be waiting there, and that's how he talked to his family for free at work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You got to get out the covers. You got to get fucking whatever, whatever. You got to do all that kind of stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
It started out 10-3-2-1, 10-2-20, 10-10-2-2. Then they all switched to... 1-800-COLLECT was like the original.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Spade did it. Spade did it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
That was nuts. I'm out. What a service. I'm out. I don't have any money. I got a call.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
If you were doing bad, you had to stay after and go to clinic. I think I remember being 350. So this would be like the year 2000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Clinic was, like, academic. Like, you got it. Like, you're doing bad. You got to stay after, and I'll walk work through this with you. Or, like, if I had, like, five missed homeworks, they'd be like, stay after and do all your homework in clinic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Brand new $10 Garbaggio member. Are you garbage if your family members used to slide Necco wafer candies into toll baskets to pay tolls on the family trips? What? They registered as quarters, but you had to slide them into the basket carefully because if they broke, it wouldn't register. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Once you slid them in and the gate went up, rumor had it they would jam the coin machine and the next person would get stuck and need the attendant. Ouch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
You're spending probably 25 cents for the little guy, or the big guy is a dollar. That's trash. Gets you like a year's worth of tolls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
This one's from Mitchell. $10 non-recyclable here, never had one read. Are you garbage if you don't smoke but you keep a pack of heaters in your truck just so you can toss a couple out the window every time you pass the boys in orange when they throw up the two fingers asking for a Bernie? Helping take the edge off one felon at a time. Love y'all from South Georgia.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
So he sees the chain gang and the people picking up fucking trash. And I guess that's what they do. They're going, throw us heaters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
What, are you kidding me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
My question is, I don't know if it's culture, if it's like area-wise or just like, you know, kind of culturally, why is it Home Depot overloads and it's not even a question?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
They'd go, yo, I'm like, you know, the GC or the carpenters. But, yo, I'm running the depot. Anybody need anything? Like, yeah, we need, you know, I don't know. Sure. Some of them. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I probably drive by. I think I drive by a Lowe's to get to a Depot. Home Depot smells better.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
And I'm also a guy, and someone called me out in the comments. They were like, you seem like the guy who will not ask for help but will look to see what aisle in Bennett's in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
We got San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, and last but not least, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming home, and we got a big one. These shows are going to go quick. Click the link
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
I didn't want Hans going under the shed. Right. So I blocked the front of the shed from Hans being able to get under it. Okay. With chicken wire.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's the thing I had to learn because I don't use my foot. I usually use my big toe because you can't... Because the toes aren't united. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
So in a shoe, they are, but... Which I was always told that's illegal, but I used to love doing it. I don't think it's illegal. Goddamn America. Let me do whatever the hell I want. My car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
If you get out of like if you were somewhere where if you're like a wedding or a funeral and you had to wear dress shoes and your feet or dogs are really barking that ride home in the fucking car with your shoes off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
letting them breathe i don't want thin dress socks yeah feel the breeze on them kid what's baby oh baby king of the draft go birds playoffs are coming up go over to draft kings and get your bets in gang scoring touchdowns is the key to winning the playoffs and you can score big by betting on them at draft kings the number one place to bet touchdowns betting touchdowns now what are we
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how you keep the action going, dude. Bet the small stuff, daddy. Yeah, what are you, betting on the end of the game?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Get the coin flip in there. I might not be around for the end of the game. Get the juice lined up. Yeah. DraftKings Sportsbook is an official sports betting partner of the NFL. Ever heard of it? Yeah. How you doing? New DraftKings customers can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly. I'm going to say that again. New DraftKings customers can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use the code AYG. That's code AYG for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you just bet $5. Only on DraftKings Sportsbooks. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY, which is 467-369. If you're in Connecticut, help is available for gambling problems.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please pay responsibly on behalf of the Boot Hill Casino and Resort. It is in Kansas. 21 plus age eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, cdkng.co slash audio. Do it. Kip, let's talk about Mando. Shout out to the Mando.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's talk about the sweaty, stinky nudge. Or the grundle. Or the under the belly. I'm on the sides. I'm between the thigh meat and my pubic region. That's nasty. You know what will clean that up? A little Mando. Keep you smelling fresh all day. I don't know why somebody didn't think of this earlier. I know. It's nuts. What are we doing here? It's crazy. All over body deodorant.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Some sort of cheese product. Which is really just fancy bologna. Sure. Can I tell you that? Have you ever had mortadella? No. You haven't. I mean, I have. I don't like it. How do you not like that? I don't know what to tell you. Lucas?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's not just your pits that smell. It's everything. Good Lord. If you've been around us, it's everything. My eyes smell. Not one name, though, though. That's right. You can put your pits, your balls, your thigh folds. That's what I do. Belly button. That's a clinical term. You got to get the tank. My belly button is bizarre. Bad news. Your butt cracks and your feet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated, clinically proven to block odor all day and help control odor for 72 hours. They got the solid deodorant stick. They got the spray deodorant, aluminum-free, ideal for hard places to reach. Got the wipes. The Tate. All products are baking soda-free and paraben-free. There you go. Take that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Put that in your pipe and bike down. And here's the turkey. Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice, like many body wash and deodorant wipes. I say go for the wipes. Go to wipes. And free shipping.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
As a special offer for our listeners, new customers get $5 off the starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use code garbage at shopmando.com. Do it. Now back to the show. Back to the show. I remember when I was valeting cars in college. Barefoot? No. Hippie?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
But a little person came, and I didn't know how that was going to work, and they got hand paddles for the gas and the brake, which, I mean, that's the only thing I needed to see to go cruising in that thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
You just, like, it's all in your hands.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I forget exactly. See if you can pull up a picture.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're like, I don't know. I don't know. That's pretty sweet. I think sometimes they have like longer pedal extensions, maybe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
This guy had paddles. That's tight. It was all right. Like a video game. Felt like I was flying the Millennium Falcon. Meanwhile, I was like a 92 Corolla. Stole the change out of that thing for sure. Go get myself a hot dog at the cafeteria. That's what we would do. Oh, yeah. We got caught a couple times. There was more change in here. I don't know, man. Taxing that ass. Counting their change.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Looks like something from Goosebumps. Date an Italian chick at high school. Never look back. Can't go near an eggplant parm. Is it trashy? I think I know what your stance is on this. Uh, there's really two kinds of guys out there in the world. And I think I'm becoming... Dude, your fingernails are so dirty. It's crazy. I just clocked that. That's bad. What were you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
People, I mean, sometimes went a little heavy. What do you got?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Or really behind. Sure. You don't know. Um, also to the bragging about pain tolerance is such a man that is such like a, that's in the realm of like how much you can lift, how much you can lift or like, you know, uh, that's like your dog's part wolf. That's, that's all in that kind of like thing that you can't really prove, uh, You know what I mean? It's funny you mention that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Or like, my uncle had to put his arms, you know, register his arms as lethal weapons or whatever. It's all that kind of shit, you know? It's all like this braggadocious thing about nothing. I kind of want a wolf. I would love to get a baby wolf and raise it. Where? In your apartment in Queens? They seem pretty cool. If you raise them from as a baby, I don't think they bite you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ever see how big those fuckers get? Yeah, compared to like a regular dog. Crazy. Uh-huh. Some guy in Russia has one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, they're all doped up. Same with them bears. Them bears are on fucking fentanyl. I would love to have a bear cub for like a couple of weeks just to give it snuggles. Okay. But I heard they smell. Yeah, what are you talking? There's like bacteria in their mouth and shit. Komodo dragons.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Keep eating the baby. You're nuts. Wolves, you don't say. I'd love to have a wolf. To be that guy as a wolf. Get a fucking samurai sword. They don't go hand in hand. Ninjas don't have wolves. Sure they do. In the winter, up north, jab Japan. You got wolves. Okay. Yeah, and monkeys. Throw them at you. I mean, you're an idiot. You are a proper idiot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's the same dog that OJ had or Kato Kaelin had. You had an Akita? Yeah, because my neighbor had one and drove a white Bronco at the time. We were like, buddy, you got to do something. Go get that thing dipped or something. Shave that dog. Banging some hot blonde? Yeah. Who had an Akita?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kato, yeah. No kidding. Kato Kaelin. Kato Kaelin. Okay. Mm-hmm. All right, let's see. This one's from Jafool. Is it garbage if your apartment complex has a soda machine? Dude, that's like dorm or like jail. That's like a halfway house. I don't like it when hotels have them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Although it's refreshing because they keep them freezing cool. I don't mind it. But that's, I mean, your apartment building is, That's insane. That's like a Holiday Inn Express.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's in the stairwell outside to get to the different parts of the apartment complex. That's got a flickering light above it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And that thing, not everything's in stock. There's a couple of huge spider webs and a couple of big, big roaches just sitting on the wall. Dude, that's tough. Man. I mean, but at the same time, call it midnight. You don't live next to like a gas. Run down for a soda. Just like you'd use a screaming cold Coke or something. That's where you get got, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe the Uber Eats delivery guy forgets your Coke with your pizza. You run down air. That's where you get got, though. You get got down air. Or you witness something that you shouldn't have been seeing, and then you're on the rug. I don't like those apartment buildings like that. Where they open up to the outside. It's like the two stairs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I always see them on ring cams when they're doing like break-ins. It's always ring cams. It's like a lot. We stayed in one in like St. Louis or something. We did. Or Indianapolis. And it's got the indoor-outdoor stairwell. They're like duplexes kind of. You go. There's like two on the first floor. Then you go up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's where I came up. No, it wasn't a hotel. It was an apartment complex. It was an Airbnb.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Cleaning out the chimney for Santa Claus? That's crazy. What were you doing? You're just rolling like that? I get a little dirt under my nails. That's right. Goddamn working man. Oh, man. I don't know how they got like that. That's a lot of soot or poop. One or the other. Scratching coal. Oh, man. All right. God bless your wife. I know how you... Can I get some gloves?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's where I came up with the Bureau of Crazy for your parents. That's right. Okay. Wasn't there, like, a Chiefs banner or something in there? Or a Colts or wherever we were staying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's where, like, dude, all those kind of apartments are on First 48. They're on forensic files. It's, like, all that kind of shit. Those are bad news. Or they're always on videos of bad...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uber Eats guys, or bad door desk guy, where they're like drinking your milkshake, or they throw it down because they think you didn't get a tip, and the door opens up. Here's cash. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were going to. That's always the home invasion ones, too. Yeah. Where they're like, there's like three guys in hoodies kicking the door in. And every once in a while, there's a guy inside.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I mean, I would highly benefit from it being there, but I think it's an indication that it's not a great apartment complex. Sure. There's definitely Mountain Dew and Minute Maid Orange in there. In a can. Yeah. All cans. No bottles. I don't get that technology. Or sometimes you get a bottle. What? Where the bottle goes, then it comes out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
The first time those dropped, that was like, I did it just to watch it happen. Just a whoa. Get a load of this, guys. We're going to spend $150. We're going to be okay, fellas. We're going to be okay. Uh-huh. That and what else seems classy to me in the world of vending machines. Claw machine. Is the one that's like, you see it at like an airport or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
If it's all like the same kind of water. Like if it's all like Aquafina, I think, does it. To me, that's like a Cribs thing where you open it. It's like, oh, it's all glowing. And you're like, I don't even, it doesn't matter what button I hit. Give me E4. Give me B9. Don't matter. I'm getting the same thing. Which I'm on record, I love Aquafina.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Screaming cold Aquafina. Great. We'll do that on the road, and we're on the road, and we go in, and someone's like, oh, I'm going to grab waters for the team. Somebody comes out with a thing of like five Aquafinas. It tastes industrial, and I kind of respect that. I know it's like filtered, clean, chlorinated, fluorided water, which I appreciate for me and my family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Give me a couple of chemis in there. Yeah, what are we doing? Hit me up. That'd be a little perk still left in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right. This is from Keith. Very long time listener. Very first time submitting a question. Is it garbage that my buddy's shoulder surgery has been postponed twice because his nicotine levels are too high for anesthesia? Hashtag get well soon, George. Thank you, Keith. Dude, that's... You ever have a surgery pushback? No, all my surgeries were younger. I wasn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I was smoking at the time, but not to the point where like my nicotine levels would be too high. Did you ever eat before a blood test and they get the results back and it's fucking haywire? My last one. Yeah. Except my cholesterol was high. Yeah, fucking. I was like, yeah, I had a fucking BC. Jersey Mike's right in the lobby. You had a two o'clock at fucking Jimmy John's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I've done that. I've had a surgery push too. Once I was fucking, I told, I was on the table. And they were like, nah, we can't do it. Because of the Ozempic. Oh, right. Because I had taken it. And then once because I was. Sure, you can't smoke in here. This could be it. They should let you rip a heater before you go under. What if that's it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And you're standing at the gates of hell with nothing. Having a Nick fit. I remember that's what my brother used to say to me. This was before I was smoking. He's like, I'm having a Nick Fit. Oh, yeah. He was like 13. Nick Fit was great. And I remember on the Wildwood Boardwalk too one time, he was smoking, and we saw another kid smoking, like same age.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And this kid was a real tough guy at the fame, at the infamous. Sam's Pizza? No. We had obviously hit Sam's, but this is at the famed Dunk Tank guy. If you've ever been, there's a great documentary on him on YouTube. But you go watch that guy just call you. The worst stuff in the world. Didn't matter what creed, color, country of origin you were getting. God, it was bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And we'd sit there and watch that guy. This is the fucking late 90s. It was wide open. Oh, baby. It was like the Wild West out there. Sure. And this dirtbag was in a wife beater throwing, but he had a cig in his mouth. He was smoking. My brother was like, look at that. He's not even inhaling. And I was like, whoa, you're a tough guy. You are a cool dude. Gotta blow it through your nose.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Are you climbing a volcano in Hawaii? That's crazy. I know how you probably feel about this. Do you, Vesuvius? Who's Vesuvius? Mount Vesuvius. I was thinking Vesuvios. I know you are because you're addicted to Sopranos. Next. I'm old school, Kippy. I'm old school. I'm a dirtbag, Kippy. Listen. Mm-hmm. I assume you were a brush family growing up. What's that mean? Hairbrush. Hairbrush?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do you exhale through your nose at all? No. I did for a while.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
My dad used to do it. Looked like the Minotaur coming at you. That's a smoker. My dad'll do it. Or used to. That's so bad for your sinuses. I mean, I don't think any of it's good. I need that squirt bottle after that. Hit a quick Medi-Pot. Shout out to the neti pot, dude. It's time of year. You kidding me? Holidays are over. It's also got to be on a fucking neti pot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's also like this stuff you'll do as you know, if we have shows, we got to record. And it's like a lot of time, you know, we're not living like the healthiest. You're smoking, you're drinking, you're out. It's cold to eat or whatever. So our voices or sign it and you're like, I got to go talk for an hour or whatever. Man, the things you'll start doing. I'm like fucking eating garlic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be classy or to just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Tate Sully, coming at you on a beautiful day, 2025, baby. The year of the Kia. Look out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm doing neti pots on my assholes. I've gotten into gargling with salt water. And the first thing in the morning, a ginger, like a real ginger tea with lemon, cayenne pepper, turmeric, black pepper, and honey. And crushing that down. That's all green lights after that. One of the good things, I'll eat raw garlic. Jesus. If you have something coming on or like you're... You think that works?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
100%, yeah. Take your garlic pill. They sell garlic pills, but that stuff, man, my wife won't look at me for two days. I hate garlic breath on somebody. Kills me. This isn't even garlic. It's, like, not because it's not, like, rough. It's not, like, you know, stepped on at all. This is, like, it's not cooked. Crushed raw garlic. Yeah, it makes you feel like a man. That's my pain tolerance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's go. I like it roasted. Salted. He does eat in garlic knots. Parmesan, it's good for your, get some mucus. A little more marinara over here for the boys. Okay, let's see here. This is from Philae. How many days you guys wearing a pair of socks? Great question. I've been pushing it more than I would. I bought a, we were on the road somewhere or something, and I bought a 12-pack of Gold Toes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay. Those are good. Those gold toes. Is that a brand? Yeah, that's like the brand. That's like the... Yeah, gold toes, right? Are the toes gold?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're black with the yellow gold toe. Oh, that's all right. Man, and those things, you can wear them for a couple hours, take them off when you get home. That's better than a brand. That's better than an already clean pair of socks. That's my only thing. A brand new pair that's been worn for like... A few hours? Sure. I have a thing now where I cannot sleep with socks on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I used to be able to muscle through it and do it, but now I can't. So once I take them off, I'm probably not putting them back on unless I'm jammed up. If I'm jammed up, yeah. Two, three days. I remember when we were... I remember putting a pair of socks on in college going. They were so hard. And sticky. Past sticky. You could smell them from down the block.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I remember being like, it's just so jammed up. But then once you wear them for a couple hours, it's like they're good as new. No, these were like... I put them on, I'm like... They soften up. I go, this isn't even... I'm better off just going barefoot than going to buy my heater. I'm better off wearing no socks than socks at this point. That's how bad they were. They went right in the tracks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Stinky. No saving them things. My feet haven't really smelled in years. When you get older, they kind of stop smelling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I also would argue that, you know, you have a couple more bucks. You're buying better shoes. You have a washer and dryer at the house. True. You're staying up when we were back when we were banging.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
i mean you're running and gunning you're wearing this you're stealing your roommate socks you're fucking killer be killed it's like vietnam out i remember for like my senior year of high school through college my feet like proper like my shoes would stink like cheese be bad i know been now not so much oh look at you huh 50 years old finally getting together All right, let's see here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is from Josh. Is it garbage if your middle name is a state? My name's Joshua Nevada. Whoa. That's a pretty good name, Joshua Nevada. The alliterate, it's not an alliteration, but the Joshua Nevada, that's pretty good. It also depends how good you are at Texas Hold'em. He also said he goes, I just moved to Reno. Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
We didn't, like, all sit down like Marsha Brady and do a hundred strokes. But, I mean, yeah, there was hairbrushes in the house. Hairbrush or comb? Is comb the trashier of the two utensils? I think it combs classier. Really? Yeah, because a comb is typically carried with you. That's not classy. No, yeah. Yes. No, that's a grooming tool. The bird has a really nice comb, and I've been using it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Joshua Nevada's not bad. That's like an L.A. weatherman. Joey Michigan. Johnny Utah. Yeah, Johnny Utah. That was his last name, though. Yeah. But I would go by Joshua Nevada. As your name. Or Reno. Ooh. Reno? Reno Josh. Reno Josh. I always loved that. That was a good thing. That was from, like, Forrest Gump and all that thing. Like, I'm Tex. He's from Arkansas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Cleveland. He's from, you know, Massachusetts or whatever. Man, you're middling. What would be a good one? Nevada's good. Nevada's low-key pretty good. Can't be, like, Jimmy Kentucky. You're going to make fun of me, but I always wanted to name a band the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Isn't that a band? I always thought it'd be a great name. Pennsylvania Turnpike. Pennsylvania's a great state name.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't care who you are. Georgia? Ooh, Georgia's a beautiful name. Uh-huh. This is a name name.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Georgia. I don't know. Danny, Florida? These are just porn names. Tommy, Texas? Texas Tommy. Named after my favorite sandwich. Let me start it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I mean, in theory. Go ahead. I don't. It's a hot dog wrapped in bacon. It's a cheese dog wrapped in bacon with, I believe, beans on it. Luke, can I get a search on that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Bacon and cheese. Bacon and cheese dog. Texas Tommy used to have them all the time over there at Whitson Hicken. I mean, that was just...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was the big cheddar, that was the big bacon cheddar cheese dog at Wawa, if you ask me. We were a fucking, God damn it, Texas, get out of here. That was a big cheddar cheese dog. I told you that one time I bought one at lunch when I was working, and I dropped the receipt in my pocket, out of my pocket, and someone picked it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
My boss picked it up, and he goes, who had the big cheddar, the quarter pound cheddar cheese dog? Dude, I was so embarrassed. I remember getting it and went and sat in my car and ate it. That's a freeze frame. Talking about the first 48. You're busted. Yeah, that was bad, dude. That was real bad. So embarrassed, dude. Because it was on a hoagie roll, not a regular roll. What the fuck?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
You never saw them? No. Well, the Wawa hot dogs are great, but they just don't scratch the itch. You need three of them things. And then the big... Let me pull up a picture.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
You hit me this morning when you walked in when I was having my turkey wrap. I was like, 9.15, you're eating a hoagie. He goes, what are you having, your breakfast hoagie? This was it. God damn, son. 12 of the, okay, hold on. 12 of the unhealthiest food items you can order at Wawa, and that's the picture. All right, hold on. Let's pop into this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I wasn't, I mean, I was 22 at the time. You boss, really? And he was a younger kid and in shape. I mean, I was the fat guy at the office, for sure. But, uh... Man, this is all the stuff I order on this list. That's crazy. Okay, here it is. Sizzly on there? If you want to treat yourself to a cheat day, there are worse ways of doing it by enjoying one of Wawa's hot dogs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
However, the all- This is what it was. The all-beef big bacon cheese dog reigns supreme in terms of caloric value, and it's not just calories. All of Wawa's- All of Wawa's all-day grab-and-go items. I'm a big grab-and-go guy. I don't like waiting around. That's how the heat gets you. That's how you get got waiting in line. You're on the move. What do you mean? Closing deals.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
We were at the Philadelphia Home Show, and it fell out of my pocket in the booth. Wow. I usually destroy all the evidence, but I must have been in for the, you know. Big Bacon Cheddar Dog. At the Wawa that was next to the convention center, which I think is now closed. Start calling you Big Bacon Cheddar. Out of BBC.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Of all Wawa's all-day grab-and-go items, this bacon cheese dog is one of the least healthy due to its high fat and saturated fat content. That's both kinds of fat. Saturated fats in particular should be consumed in moderation. I was doing a high-fat, low-carb diet at the time. Except for the bun. High-fat, high-carb. Except for the loaf of bread and the bun. And this has 21 grams of saturated fat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not to clean your fingernails. My pubes are straight as an arrow. We were brush. I just had my older sister, so it was like I used her brush. Me, her, and Danny had a bathroom, so I just used that. She's the only one that had a brush. Yeah, I wasn't buying a brush. There was brushes in the house. I like a comb these days, but I think it's trashy. Shit. Sure. You get what I'm saying?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Ooh. See what you should have saturated fat grams a day. With 810 calories, 47 grams of fat, and 57 grams of carbohydrates, this item isn't messing around, especially given its size compared to the other items on the list. And that wasn't solo. This is a single hot dog, albeit topped with rich fatty cheese and sodium-rich bacon. Get me hungry. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was a bag of chips involved in that, too. Bag of chips and probably two Wawa iced teas. Sure. I wasn't doing diet iced teas at that time. You got to think that's probably about a $2,400, 2,400 calorie ripper. Sure. I was working all day. 130 grams of sugar. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Plus, I was doing a home show, so I was getting candies. How'd you feel after that? Oh, man. Had the seeds from the bottom of the hoagie roll all over my V-neck sweater that I was wearing. Trying to close on some Venetian blinds. Couple two-tree heaters after that, too. Sure. Coming in, man. Fumbling leads left and right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
For as bad as the shit that we eat is, you would think like it when you would feel worse. I think you just probably feel really – if you felt – I would argue I am by no means a – I think if you felt like me, you'd be like, I feel amazing. If I felt like Luke, I'd go, I feel amazing. Although you do have a high pain tolerance, so I'm not sure. That's true. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're just used to feeling this way. I'm used to feeling this way. Sure. What do you got, Lucas?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I was doing 21 grams. I get my daily intake. I was having broccoli for dinner. That's it, though. I was having broccoli for dinner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's all bought by fucking big hearts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's big Brussels sprouts paying for that, yeah. Of course. What else do they say? I mean... People at the American Heart Association. Probably a Canadian company.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, which I don't mind from Wawa, is the meatball parm hoagie. Is that on the list? One of the saltiest items on the list. Is this fucking Wawa's most wanted? It's a picture of me, fat ass, stomped, stamped. Damn, 1,300 calories in Wawa's classic mid-sized meatball parmesan hoops. Jesus Christ. 77 grams of fat. Yo, I got to stop going to Wawa. Don't you dare say that. Fucked up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Where's the sizzly on there? It's not on the... There you go. See if you can pull up sizzly. No, don't do that. Come on. You just asked. No, let's let some things... No, bring it up. No. Bring it up. Bring it up. Man, you can get a... You're killing the imagination. You can get sausage with scrambled eggs on a hoagie roll there. Sausage and eggs? That's pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't love peppers. It's all right. Huh. It's fine. Okay. I like eggs better than I like eggs and peepers. All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
This week, what are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know what you mean, and I'm just moving the timeline for you. God damn it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's see here. This one's from Zach. $10, homie. Never had one read. Are press pennies the most garbage souvenir of all time? Absolutely. I loved it, though. Oh, you're kidding me? Make a necklace out of it. I remember my first one. Farley's Rest Stop. It was a nickel. Farley's rest stop on the AC Expressway. On the way down to Wildwood, New Jersey, it stopped there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
They had the penny machine. I go, Mom, Mom, and she go, why are you going to pay $2 to ruin a penny or whatever? And I said, listen, here you dumb broad, give me the cash. Got me sleeping on a couch in a flop house. Let me have something. She's really trying to do a revisionist history of said childhood, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's really... I don't get it. And me and my brother... I never said that. I never said that. Like, baby, I got the Old Testament scripture, okay? You know what Patty said not that long ago? Can I tell you this? This is more of a Patreon. Told me she likes me. I'll air the business out. This was going back... Was it Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving? Somewhere around somewhere in November, I was home.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay. And she around like a group of like my cousins, their husbands, like an audience of people. Mm hmm. Show came up, show's doing good, whatever. And somehow she started talking about when I was in community college. Did I tell you this? I think I told you this. I don't even remember you being in community college. I feel like I told you this on a hard feelings.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
The only other person I know that uses a comb is Cousin Ian for his mustache. Sure. Who knows what else? Oh, God. That kid. Comb out his butthole. My dad had that one that was like fake wood. A comb? No, a brush. Oh, those are great. Yeah. Fake? Oh, I know what you're talking about. And he would blow dry his hair every morning. Get it going. Get it going back. Get the wings going.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
She said that my brother paid for the semester in front of everybody. He's only two years older than you. She's like, yeah, Andrew paid for that because we were done paying for him after Widener. What? And, dude, I was like, that's not true. She's like, yes, it is. He paid for it. He paid for your semester at community college because we wouldn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Of course, I fucking called my brother immediately. Is that the first you were hearing of that? First I was hearing of that. It was made up. Oh, made up? Yeah, my brother was like, are you out of your fucking mind? I was like a clerk. Yeah, I was going to say, he was fucking two years older then. Yeah. So. She's not. I think she's a sweet old lady. Fucking Lydia Soprano. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Babies are like dogs. Fucking in front of everybody. I had a fucking plate of brie in front of me, too. Like a fat ass. You got soft cheese running out of your mouth. What? Don't you say that. Fucking stung me in front of everybody. That was the year your brother had to pay for community college because we wouldn't. I don't know what's in this pretzel dip. Bitch. I love you, Patty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember I was in debt to a lot of institutions at one point. A lot of institutions. I ain't talking about Vanguard either. I ain't talking about fucking Coinbase. Sally Mae, Lucy Mae. Oh, Sally Mae. I owed fucking Sally Mae. What a sweet name. To fucking bamboozle, give you the honeypot. To bamboozle you. Yeah. Sally Mae, she don't care. Jesus knows I'm good for it. Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was, right? Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac. It was all federal stuff, I think. I mean, I don't know. That's crazy that they would name them like that. Sneaky bastards.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Freddie Mac, that's the guy that'll spot you a 20 bag. I got you, Jack. Oh, keep it on the flip side. I'll let you hold 20. I got to run my mom to the doctors. I'll get you Friday. Thanks, Freddie. Thanks, Freddie Mac. Freddie Mac. Could have been an all-star basketball player.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Started dealing. Freddie Mitchell. We hung out with him. Crazy. We did? Remember? It was me, you, Gillis, Tommy, fucking O'Connor, and Freddie Mitchell in the VIP section at Xfinity Live. And he started ordering beers on my tab. He was hanging out with those chicks from the Coast Guard. Not the Coast Guard, the National Guard. He's like, whose beers are these? I'm like, who's paying this bill?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think I was. I think they had my credit card.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was like, oh, these are my turnaround. He's got like nine Bud Lights. I'm like, yo, fucking, yeah, you played pretty good fucking 15 years ago. First and 24, fourth and 24, believe. I get it. Shout out to Freddie Mitchell. Shout out to Showtime or what was his name? See if you can find me. Oh, first down Freddie. Find out Freddie Mitchell's. Well, he's a wide receiver, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
He wasn't a tight end. He was a wide receiver. He had to be. I couldn't tell you. He was a wide receiver for the Eagles.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
First down, Freddie, or first and 24, I believe, I think was the T-shirt I owned. Then who knew I was going to own a T-shirt of Freddie Mitchell and then be backstabbed by him in the VIP section?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was a picture. All right, relax. Stop. You think Freddie Mitchell's going to hear this and come after us?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, not come after us. I'm just telling the stories as it is. He started drinking all my time. Look at some of those French foreign Legion broads. First down, Freddie. First down, Freddie. Watch me go back to Philly, get my ass kicked. I thought we were splitting. He goes, I Venmo'd you. He's got receipts. Nah, shout out to first down, Freddie. Philadelphia hero.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your dad was blow drying? Yeah, every day. What is he, from the birdcage? What? Yeah. I've never heard of that. A dad blow drying their hair. Yeah. Holy shit. He had his dungarees on. He had a blue Russell sweatshirt, a crew neck, never a hoodie. Couldn't catch the old man in a hoodie. That was for hippies and skaters. Draft dodgers. He was a Russell crew neck, which I loved.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Anyway, you owed a lot of money in institutions. Whoa, what are you bringing up bullshit for? Um... Yeah, and my mom was at her wit's end with it. We were fighting, calling me. I remember being, what, I'm only 90 days behind. Like, that was pretty good. If I was under 90 days behind on bills. Thank God we got rid of the house phones. Everybody can go fuck themselves. They can't get you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
They can't get you. It was one of the earlier... They can't. I'm not answering. I don't know the number. Leave a message. I mean, the house phones, they didn't get you either. You just didn't answer. They just did, but it put the screws to you. You're nuts. If they're calling your house... Because Patty would get panicked and then start putting the screws in me. That's her fault. She's panicking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know. You had to treat her like my dad. The phone would ring, and he'd go, I ain't here. It was so bad to a point where the phone would ring, and I'd go, are you here? And he goes, nope. I go, is Dan Ryan there? I go, no. I go, all right. Hang up. Freddie. He's got a heater going. Watch him first down Freddie. Go birds. See if they cover. Yeah. That was for probably about seven years. You here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nope. Unless it was someone from the office. Sure. Like someone I knew. Sure. Hey, it's fucking Bill or whoever my uncle is your dad there. Mm-hmm. I go, hold on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
He might have just left. Dad. It's Uncle Bill. You here? Like you're living in a state. Hey, it might be in the North 40. Let me see. But I was jammed up bad with cash. Real bad. And all the mail was getting... Because I was still registered at my mom's house. So all that mail was getting sent there. You know what I mean? All those bills.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I kind of just split from Philly and went up to New York and got off the grid. I had never received any piece of mail to the house I was living in. Yeah, me too. That was one good thing for those first couple of years up here. I had no mailing address. Couldn't get me. That was it. I mean, I just recently switched my driver's license. No mailing address and no bank account.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Except for my Navy Federal account, but that only had $5 in it since I was a kid. I didn't have a card. You not having a bank account used to jam us up so bad. Having to stop by check cashing places, signing checks over to me, signing checks over to other people. I stopped banking with you. I had a do not accept checks from this guy policy. How foreign is that to you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Have you ever been to a check-cashing place? No, obviously not. Oh, you're nuts. I used to get my check from that telemarketer scam I worked at in South Philly, walk right over to that fucking check-cashing place. It was right next to the Wawa. You know that Wawa in Delaware Ave? Yeah. There's a check-cashing joint right next to that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Me and the boys, we get our checks from the scam artist and go over there and cash them real quick. Take your 12%. I got cash now. What do you mean? Got direct deposit now. Yeah, this guy fucking direct to the lights. Fantastic. Oh, my dad. I didn't trust. It's my set to fucking direct deposit up. I didn't trust that shit till like a year ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know how long it was going to take or when it was going to hit or what the deal was to me when they would go, we'll set you up on direct deposit. I got to get you a bank route. How do I even find that? I don't have a checkbook.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got to call a bank and make sure it's the right account. I don't know my password. Oh, it's brutal. Yeah. That was so far. Just give me checks. Just let me get a check. Like, no, we don't do it. We do it this way. Give me a fucking check. Bitch. I'll be back Friday at noon. But all that mail was getting sent to my ma's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then my brother would stop by and there would be, I mean, and she would save all the envelopes. And that was her like, fuck you. I even like, I'd show up to my sister's and my mom would come with a plastic bag full of mail and go here. I'm like, this is from fucking six months ago. They wanted it. They'd get me. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And my brother came over one time and paid all the bills for me. No kidding. Because my mom, he was just like, she's complaining to him. She had stopped complaining to me. I stopped taking her calls, too. I wasn't there. I'm not here. And he cleaned everything up for me. Not everything, but like. Sure. You know. My brother paid for me for college. He said my baby boy is cool. Uh-huh. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And that's still a bit of a face throw. Because now I say I'm paying people back. Like I've said, I'm paying the people back that I owe money to, and he's like, fucking, yeah, okay. That's what I was shocked about, that I hadn't heard. Like, that would have been something the second me and my brother got into an argument.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was about an eight-year-old that I fit into his. I was crushing them things. He'd get so pissed at me. Man, I used to love my dad's sweatshirts and sweatpants. They were so perfectly worn in. Throw those things. But yeah, no, he would blow dry his hair. Any product? Nah, just natural hair. Straight back. He must have been giving off sparks. Fucking shocking people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I fucking paid for you to go to fucking college, and you fucking flunked out. That's exactly how the script would have been written. I've had that happen by my... Yeah. You don't even fucking know. You don't fucking know. As he's swinging on me. My bad, dude. Yeah. I'm pulling the turtle. So something smelled rotten when she said it. But that didn't help me in the fucking present company.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, that's fucked up. I think I bummed the heater off of her. Didn't help my credibility. You get out there. What was that all about? Talking to that. You fucking sandbag me in there? All right, let's see here. Speaking of cash, this is from Jim. This is $10 investor here. Is it garbage to have more money in your sports betting app than your actual bank account?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm not with sports betting apps because I never really dabbled. I was more of a fucking... Had a guy. Had a guy. We had a guy. Which is it trashier nowadays to have a guy or to use the apps? I would say it's probably, it's not even trash. Are they a dying breed, the bookie? Oh, I think so. I would imagine. I would imagine fucking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know some bigger guys that still use guys. Lay off to the guy. Those guys are usually pretty all right. They're a good hang most of the time. Those older bookies. I've seen the drop off. And it was like, so what's new with you? It's like that fake, you know. Oh, yeah. He was dropping off an envelope. Not, it was the other way around. I got you. The better had lost. Mm-hmm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And he, you know, white envelope, and the guy didn't look pro. Sure. Right in the old inside pocket there. I got you. Hey, good. All right. Kid's good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, man. I'll see you later. All right, buddy. Yep. See you next week. Yeah. Jets are looking good. Whatever. Fucking out the door. I can't believe. I thought you were laying. I didn't know. All right, let's see here. This one's from Just the Kip. $10, his only. Never have one read. Is it garbage if you pick up a Facebook marketplace item and ask the seller if you could use their bathroom?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Spelled there wrong. Had some guy buy my air fryer and asked if he could take a leak. Said he had a long trek back. Which we did that. I did that. When we bought the table for the old studio. Out there on the island. Uh-huh. Went out to Long Island. You took a dump in that guy's house. No, I took a pee. I took a pee. He asked, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was just like, you're not going to shit in my bathroom, are you? And I was like, no, I got to pee. So you can listen if you want. Pop in there, take a look. You're not going to shit in my bathroom. Yeah, that was, because I remember we stopped. That was, man. Also, talk about dirtbaggedness. So the Verizon at the old pooties.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
was hooked up, was under my name, but was your phone number, because I had too many phone numbers registered with them from my old job. Okay. Remember, they would call you and say, we haven't paid the bill. Oh, yeah, that's right. So it was me and you. He's not here. It was me and you driving out, and, like, we couldn't, whatever call I was setting up, you couldn't use that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
You had to get a call to activate it. But I couldn't get call waiting, not on Wi-Fi or whatever the fuck it was. So we had to use your phone. It was about being jammed up. We were jammed up. I was on the phone with Verizon for like an hour and a half all the way out to the fucking island. Plus you had to pee. Me and you. Man, that was when Tony's hadn't opened yet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was probably so staticky in the winter. Uh-huh. And I never liked that he took me to a different barber.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was me and you with nothing but, you know, a chip and a chair, baby, pushing it all in. I'm taking a leak at this guy's house. 500 on the jets. Yeah. Yeah, that was... I remember we stopped. I had to piss so bad. We stopped at a gas station, and they didn't have a bathroom. It was like, nah, no bathroom. I'm like, I'm going to have to fucking... Pee in this guy's house. I did pee.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I think $120. Cool. I think they listed it at $2. Got it down to like $125, something like that, plus the shitter. I remember going to the Russians' house to get those tables.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
He took me to a different barber than he went to. I didn't like that. He went to Charlie's, and I went to the, what is it, Deflected? What is a brother that don't talk? The family broke up. Deflected. Estranged. Defected? Defected. Yeah. He defected. The one brother went off on his own, started his own shop, and I would go there, see Jim or Mark. Mark owns it now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think I was coming out of there. Sheepshead Bay or something, right? Yeah. They're out there. The grandmama just died, and they hadn't touched a place in like 50 years. I thought for sure they were going to murder me. It was just some Russian guy sitting in an empty kitchen smoking cigarettes. Plastic everywhere. Hi, I'm Henry. Here to give you my kidneys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, this one's, we'll do this, then we got to wrap it up. This is from Chalupa Cabra. Great name. Very nice. Is it garbage to reuse old commercial appliances from work at your home when they are tossing them due to age? For example, an ice machine. Dude, an old ice machine is grody. Those things are filthy as it is. There's mold and mildew and fucking. You're showing that off to the boys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
An old ice machine, though? Come on, man. You wouldn't kill to have an ice machine. Remember we saw when we were down the shore, my cousin was hooking up an ice machine.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And that was he got a good deal on like a dented ice machine. Yeah. And it landed on a job. It did a whatever. It was in a something. He got his hands on it. My cousin went over there and installed the water line for him. That's all right. Yeah. That, dude, an ice machine is a game changer. But if they're throwing it out due to age, that means... Black mold. That thing's bad. Bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
That thing ain't keep... Those are like the fucking nastiest things they say. Uh-huh. You go to a bar and it's like they, you know... That's the thing that the health inspector always goes to first in a restaurant. That probably indicates, okay, we're in okay waters here, or kids are down bad. Yeah. As soon as we see them come in, the manager, get the ice machine. Oh, plug it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Say it's out of order. Throw it outside. All right, gang, we love you to death. Happy 2025. Happy freaking New Year, gang. Hope you had a good New Year. Hope you had a great holiday. Looking forward to a fantastic 2025, and we'll see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe he did that because he wanted to spread the cash around a little bit. Nah, because they beefed. They didn't like each other. He still went to Charlie's down here on Busselton. Would you go there with your dad when he would get a haircut? Yeah, go to Charlie's. And sit in a chair. Sit there. He'd get trimmed up. But then wouldn't let you get a haircut there? I'd go to Jimmy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
We weren't on the same schedule. Man, this guy didn't like you. He does not now. I know that for a fact. I haven't talked to him in a decade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
anyway i'm a comb man now i think okay i like it feels good all right yeah do it when i get out of the shower brush my mane uh yeah okay but the question is what is trash here i don't think uh lucas i think it depends on the guy yeah it depends on the guy depends on how old the utensil the instrument is i mean it's are you a private eye or what Yeah, I don't know. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Out here at Aunt Tootie's out in the new edition. She's upstairs in the K-Hole. It's a long New Year's Eve for Tony. Sure. It's from our good friend Charles Terry over there on the old Patreon. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and one of the top 25 executives in the year 2025, Kevin James Ryan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember I had a brush for a long time. It had a lot of product on it. You ever wet it and smash it down and clean it? No. And I remember the first time Nadine came over was like, what the fuck is that? I didn't know you had a horse. Yeah, dude. It looked bad. It had like globs of whites. It was bad. It was bad. It's just one of those things I don't look at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like you've been brushing a boar. What? Who brushes a boar? I don't know. If you have one. You got to keep it clean. Keep that coat jiving. Yeah. Get some egg yolk on there. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
And when you sign up for the old Patreon, you get your question read on the air by Kevin Ryan himself. I don't like when you do that. And you know I don't. New Year's say me, dog. You know I don't like it and you still do it. And you give me that little twinkle in the eye before you do it. Because you're a real sandbagger. I'm passing you the ball. Thanks. Let you take over. Thanks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I had like five good years. No, what is that? I had about nine good years where I was a pretty good kid. I remember when I turned. Which I've told you about. But turned from a bad kid or turned to trash? Just to trash. But the family was significantly trashier then than they are now. They got less trashy. Not that they're by no means the Kennedys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I would say we started out here, 80s went here, and then slowly kind of came out. And they hit their peak right after 9-11. My parents. They were making a little thing. They ain't on the job. They get a little kickback. They were making a little cash. We were, I think, out of college or whatever, so they were doing all right. They got the bathroom redone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Once they got the bathroom redone, it all started falling apart.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
To be honest with you. We were pretty good for like three years, maybe, until I was like three. Then I had the divorce. It went bad. Just separating the mess and stuff. Sure. It was real hairy. Yeah. Then it was pretty not... Fantastic. It was like single mom driving a bravado, working the graveyard. No, at that point, she had the Taurus.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, at that point, that was the young days where the Taurus and she traded in for a used Sebring convertible. Had that for about a decade. Then the bravado. Yeah. And it was a lot of smelly fat kid in the house. Latchkey kid. Then I think they pulled out of it. Probably high school, like, late high school into college-y. Okay. But, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Usually after, when the kids are in college or out of college, if the parents had the kids young, they kind of hit, like, a little bit of a glow-up for a minute. Well, yeah, I mean, I also think, too, like, yeah, my sister's out. She's no longer financially responsible. My brother's out. I'm still in both. But at that point, I'm prime dirtbag at that point. I'm prime scumbag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I got the Chevy Lume going. Sure. I'm bumping 50 Cent. Sure. Heavy, smoking Marlboro Milds, going after it. Going for gold, dude. Smoking Camel Wives. Cargo sweatpants all day long. Rocking them. Bad hoodies. Smelly butthole. Oh, man. But no, I turned when I think I was around nine when I drank a whole bottle of cough medicine. Robo-tripping? Yeah. Uh-huh. That was the turn for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I told you this. Patty had to hold me down on the floor. She pinned me down like a wrestler, put her knees on my arms, and dumped Ipecac down my throat. And when they asked me why I did it, I said the devil made me do it. Jesus. Devil going down to Georgia. I've told you this, haven't I? I said it in front of her and like three of my aunts, and they all blessed themselves at the same time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
She like brought them over. Your head starts spinning around. Oh, fuck yeah. I mean, I don't remember this story, but if you have told me that story, I for sure made that same joke. Yeah. Yeah, she brought all my aunts over because my cousins were still living next door, and they were different parts of the family. They were aunts on my mom's side and aunts on my dad's side. That's bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Wow, they're already giving that award out two days into the year. Good for them. You're killing it, buddy. I had a good day. Shout out to you. First quarter's looking all right. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously, the greatest website of all time. Talk to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're crossing lines because they don't like each other.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then they yanked me over to Holy Savior for a couple hours. Uh-huh. I don't remember what happened after that. My underwear was on backwards when I came to. And I had more cough medicines on me. All right, you guys have a good day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. I remember one summer. Girl of his dreams. One summer we stayed at like this flop house in Wildwood. And man, me and my boy Pat hung out under the boardwalk for most of the summer. Just like finding cig butts, looking for change. And it ain't like in the Sam Cooke songs under there. It ain't fucking down there with your lady on a blanket. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember one time we found this room that had been flooded that held old prizes, like that big watch. You remember the big watch you would hang on the walls, like a six-foot watch? Really? It was like a clock, but it was all flood damage. But we were like, this is... It was like mildewy, mold, dirty mud, sand. And we took it back to... You're playing in flood damage. See the water line there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is good stuff. Dude, and we got what we could and took it back to my fucking, the house my mom and my aunt had rented. And there's like 10 kids in a two-bedroom. And we were like, look at this stuff. And they were like, get that the fuck out of here. They're going to lose the goddamn security deposit on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's all got fleas and stuff. Venom's just crawling everywhere. Yeah. That was one of the times when it hit me where I'm like, oh, that's not like Luke wasn't doing that. You know what I mean? We were just hanging out, dude, looking for seed butts. And fucking trying to get money to buy like a CD or something. Luke was at like a young investors meeting. Future business leaders of America.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know one kid that was in that. And I was like, wow. I remember as a junior high. I'm like, you're a fucking future. You're calling yourself a future business leader of America. That's crazy. That guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
heroin overdose in a motel a few years later so you know business is all relative it was a rich carlton hotel who knew i was going to be a future business leader of america i'm looking for moldy moldy toys ah good stuff uh all right trash shins 81 10 board member yous ever buy a pack of heaters barefoot That's a good summer right there, dog. You got about two or three beers in you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Can't find your shoes. A little bit of sunburn. Probably this bathing suit's probably a little damp. That's all right. Unless you're doing this in, like, February, which is a tough one. Can't find my shoes. Yeah, that's, man, those summers were great, just not wearing shoes at all. I'm pro barefoot. Even when I was just on vacation, you'd go into that pool bathroom. I'd go in barefoot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Starting off the year with a bang. Go over to www.patreon.com. Slash all your garbage. You get all that bonus content. Plus, you get to ask your garbage question on the air. I wanted to ask you this, kicking off the year. Oh, God. I might be switching over. Okay. What? This could be anything. It could be, like, underwear. It could be, like, some sort of diet. I'm going all mortadella this year.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm not finding my shoes. Love walking around barefoot. I love being... I remember for a while... There was like two or three summers where I hit my peak of strength and how much heat I could take on my feet to the point that like other people whose feet weren't as... Hold on, hold on. This is from Delonious Funk. Is it garbage to brag to people about your high pain tolerance?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I do that all the time. Oh my God, dude. That means you got nothing else going on. That means you got jack shit you're proud of, and you're going, man, my feet, whoo, I tell you, unlike anybody else's feet. I had a summer where I was the king. People were like, oh, my God, I can't believe you can stand that. I'd be like, I don't even feel it. Uh-huh. I'm paying for it now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Weird shit on the bottom of my feet now. Little warts and shit. Uh-huh. It's weird. But, no, I say that all the time about I could take a needle and not even stress it. Yeah, I mean, needles are... But I would never shoot heroin. That's not like a million people get needles an hour. A lot of people pass out. They don't like it. Yeah, but that's more mental.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't even flinch, though. You're still doing it. Shut up. No one cares. This is so... Dude, you're still going, I don't even blink. I don't even know that they did it. Yeah, man. It's like... Go get a safety pin. Don't. What are you, Steve-O? Don't. Stick it in my eye. Ah! You just start screaming. See? Barely moved. Is it in? I didn't even know. That's funny. Two home runs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Raised by Wolves w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, talk about getting. You just got sniped. And yes, that is. That's the first time that's ever happened. I'm like, it's happening. It's happening. It's happening. Buying Sig's barefoot. Buying Sig's barefoot is that's... You don't got a care in the world, but that's falling down around you. Yeah, your pop, that car's still running. Oh, yeah. Driving barefoot, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
A little bit of cash. A little bit of cash. Yeah, without adding necessary bulk. It's made from a premium, high-performance materials like carbon fiber. Look, baby, I got one right here. The good folks over at Ridgewild were nice enough to send it to us. It's fantastic. So sleek you can barely see it. Whoo, there you see it. No, you don't. No, you don't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Come out and see the boys. Yeah, this Saturday, March 8th, second show in Pontiac, Michigan at the Crow Football Room. That's going to sell. Indianapolis is already sold out. Then we got the Milwaukee Improv on March 11th. Get those tickets. Madison, Wisconsin, that's sold out. The Minneapolis on Friday at the Fillmore. Get tickets. RUGarbage.com. We'll see you there. Let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
A little bit of sleight of hand, baby. Ridge wallets are built to last. They got stainless steel, titanium. They come with a lifetime warranty, meaning it's the last wallet you'll ever need to buy. There you go. It's not just about looks. It's a slimmer wallet. Helps keep your posture better so you're not sitting there like freaking George Costanzi. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Ridge Wallet comes with RFID blocking technology to protect you from digital pit pockets. Whoa, that's all right. It doesn't let people read your mind, you know what I mean? For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off Ridge Wallet by using code AYG at checkout. Just head to RidgeWallet.com slash AYG, use the code AYG, and you're all set, one, two, three.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you. Of course. Do it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Cut them. Cut the dead subscriptions. Cut the unwanted subscriptions out of your life like people. You don't want somebody in your life, you cut them. You got to cut out these subscriptions. You better watch your tone, big man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Guys, aside from that being a perfect way to find all your subscriptions in one place, Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. You easily create and personalize a budget with custom categories to keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category and let you know where exactly your money is going. I forget about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I signed up, and I forget about it. Then I get an email, and they come in on Tuesdays. Hey, this week you got ABC hitting this account, this account, this account. I'll schedule it. Hey, your spending was this much more. You saved this much more, this much more, this much less. It does the hard work for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
And get out of the Pizza Hut, will you? Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. I'm sorry, 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash garbage today. That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I have a question on the execution of Tuss. Sure. How much do you have to drink? You got a bottle? Does you and your boy get right off a bottle?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Young Tusk with the sick grand dam. How you doing? What? Did you graduate? Yeah, uh-huh. Was it then pretty smooth sailing after that or no?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I think that's pretty good because it's out of like 32 or something, isn't it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I've never heard anybody brag about that. I've probably seen four million movies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I guess that is pretty stupid. No, I lied to Greg. Wait, hold on. Were you reading? I'm pretty smart. I've seen a lot of movies. All the Pirates of the Caribbean. Big history buff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah. I mean, that is a place where a lot of people, it's like a safe haven that you can sleep in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Delivery guy. If I opened the door and you had my pizza, I'd go, everything's right in the world right now. This guy's high as fuck. Car's still banged up. Grand Dam's running out front.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I love how you know the corporate bylaws of each big box store.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Come get me, bastards. I heard Publix just hired a fucking outside linebacker to chase you out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I thought he got real deep for a second. I was like, this kid's not right. Also, I thought the same thing, and I'm like, I'm for sure someone told him to stop stealing. Yeah, absolutely. The police, the judge, his parents.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
He probably sits there and is like, fucking look at him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
We were taking bets on how you arrived. Yeah. Bully's like, do you think he takes an Uber? Is he driving? I was like, rickshaw? I don't know. Who knows what this fucking is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah. My first one. Is this the first lease you've been on? Yes. Yes. I knew it. What was that credit check like?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Take out the middleman, baby. If you're a Lucy Breaker guy or if you're in a nicotine game, check out Lucy Breakers. We've said this. They've been sponsoring the show for years. They've been nice enough people to send us stuff. That's one of the packages when it comes to the studio. Very refreshing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
hoodies all everybody's fighting over it there's this i got this i got with this i want that it's a it's fantastic so check it out you can level up your nicotine routine with lucy go to lucy.co slash garbage use the promo code garbage to get 20 off your first order it ain't nothing to shake your stick at lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind again that's lucy.co use the code garbage 20 off and here is the fine print gang um
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Shout out to that man now. Because you stink. That ain't nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah, whole body's over it. You got your pits, your balls, your thigh folds, your belly buttons, your butt cracks, and your feet. Sitting right here. I was going to say, that's just on him. It's clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. That means you ain't got to shower when you get home. That's three days right there. Mando deodorant options.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
They have the solid stick deodorant formulated and powered by mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. And they have spray deodorant, aluminum free, ideal for hard to reach places. Damn. I got a lot of them. And here it is. Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice, the mini body wash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I'm a fan of the deodorant wipes. That's just me. We got it here. Whoop, whoop. I do it before we run out for spots. And free shipping, baby. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off the starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you use the promo code garbage at shopmando.com. One more time. Get a pen, get a pencil. S-H-O-P-A.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Sorry, start over. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them the bullies sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence. Head to tell what Mando doing. Now back to the show. Back to the show. Where are you shopping for clothes? That's a very nice. I was a big DX guy myself. Where are you? Where are you purchasing your? We're on a good run here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Let's not go down this rabbit hole. What do you think? I'm just curious. Brooks Brothers thrift stores.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Old Navy, I think. I'm defending him now. What the fuck? You just turned against me? He's a good kid. I'm crying. Do you know how to tie a tie by any chance?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I had girls over and stuff, and they were like, oh, that's kind of weird.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Try to make a move. Try to get your hand over the director's chair.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Also, man, girl from Ghana meeting you, that's like... That's, like, exotic to her. You're, like, you're as Southern American wacko as you can get. You know what I mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
What's your best of the best? What's the best one you got?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Lose a touch with the common man. I can afford it now. I'm going to treat myself. Holy shit. Have you ever had, like, I feel like any weird disease or medical stuff, like salmonella or Lyme's disease or anything?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
The windshield of the Tacoma is just one big contact lens.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah, I would love that. I went to one. It was fucking wild. It's great. They really put on a show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
This kid's on the fucking up and up, dude. Dude, you are fucking... Things are looking up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
And she's a lot of details that were included in that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Do you have an airline you like to flood? Are you loyal to one airline?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Take that, United. You had your chance. Yeah, we're Delta men. Delta is a fine, fine company, I would say. It's nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I told you he's a writer, fucking guy. God damn it. Look at you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Sorry, I gotta go. I love her. Sorry, I gotta fucking go. My bisexual girlfriend. She swings both ways. Told you about the bisexual part, right? It's real hot, turns me on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
God damn it. Very, very, yeah. A few more AYG questions. Do you have any aunts or uncles that you don't refer to by their first name? Like an aunt or like, you know, an Uncle Knuckles or a fucking Aunt Soupy or something. Aunt Soupy. That's a real one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
That sounds like the most political response I've ever heard in my life. I've heard very good things about this flaw scene. I'm thinking about starting it. Wouldn't happen any other way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Well, is it? I mean, you're a dude. He's got you in some sort of wanderlust. I love him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
He escaped rehab. I ended up in a meds. He's been he referred to it as you went through a lot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
There was direction. He lives in a vampire bed, it sounds like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
I got to push back on this. This is fucking easy. He likes frozen Baja blasts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
He can read. I'll give you that. The kid's fucking Georgia trash. You peeing in the shower?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
All right. What do you want from me? Come on, man. He's a good kid. Good kid? Why are you making it sound like I'm trashing him? What the fuck? Got to call balls and strikes. Are we running on a show here? He set a camper on fire and then tried to put it out with fucking nail polish remover. That could have easily been a bottle of Gatorade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yeah, you know, he becomes the quarterback, starts shortstop, local hero.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Guys, we're all over the road as well. Tour starts very soon. Tickets are going fast. Second shows are being added. Get those tickets while they're still available. And the Route 66 special is out now. Go watch that on our YouTube page. We love you. We love you, gang. Casey, we love you, buddy. I love you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Did you do well? Were you a good student at all or no? Not with the fires in the camper. I don't think you were.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
All right. What did family vacations look like growing up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Yes, there was a beach in my father. You guys would have loved it. Did he get remarried? Uh-huh. That's where the half-siblings come from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
Hey, go with your mom for a little bit. Get straightened out. You come back. Bang, bang, bang. Was there ever a time you weren't allowed at either one of their houses?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now Spotify. And then check out the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash RU Garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Casey Rocket!
So it opens up his room. Well, Casey's gone and he's got 35 minutes on us. That boy could be anywhere. Did you have a car there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
AreYouGarbage.com Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Are You Garbage? Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sobering moment when they hit you with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got you something nice. It's in Hawaii.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
School was spelled with two O's and three O's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kowalski. I think it was Kowalski.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, you were going to Rice's during the week? That's where you got your Chinese stars and stuff like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Everybody wants the pictures. We're taking all these pictures. Nobody's looking at them. Aura Frames, you throw it on the counter. You throw it on the mantel. You're uploading fresh pics.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You get a lot of pickles at those things.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's almost cauliflower pie if you ever think about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, I've seen that. I know what you're talking about. God damn.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Patreon Episode: Spelling Bee - Are You Garbage (FULL)
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Murder. Triple murder. Fucked guys up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
You're stalling on camera. You freeze up. Like fucking Tony Romo over here. Say something. Jesus Christ.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
You got a lot of time on my head. Yeah, they drop shit in contraband. No. Hold on. Don't be giving it away. Let me guess. You're going to get me killed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I got a kite from the pen. A letter. Yeah. That's pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
You're writing shit down?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
But it's nicer there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah, so why can't I go there? Nonviolent crime?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I didn't kill him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
That's what I'm going to tell people in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
No, I don't think that's the answer. This ain't the fucking movies, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
What the fuck do you... What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Probably crying at lacrosse camp.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
So I'm untouchable. Something positive for the community.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I mean, I have a lot that I could bestow on people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah, I would be like a counselor. Go in and be a counselor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
You guys got shit to do. I just come up to work when I show up, and I usually just get yelled at.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I think that I would be able to, with my skill set, I would be able to go in and organize. What's his name? Was it Henry Dufresne? Andy Dufresne.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
He ran the library.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Do they have candy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
All right. What else?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Who's the manufacturer?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
No shit. Man, that stuff's probably getting traded. Having any of that stuff makes you a mark. I ain't going to be walking around my fucking boombox somewhere.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Take my watch and my Pepsi Sparkle. Yeah, fuck that. You don't go and flash you with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Okay. All right. What else?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Limited to one each. You can only get one. Of each. Because you're trading shit. Damn, they got a lot, dude. Where the fuck is that? That's what I would do. I'd run that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Hey, buddy, what's going on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
But if they're selling that stuff, why don't they give them stuff to cook with? Instead of doing it on a radiator and shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah. I know you're on your heels. I might have to jump on a call.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
So nobody would fuck with me? I got it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I thought he was already done. Apparently he's just getting in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
There you go. It'd be like royalty in there. Shout outs, birthdays. Doing cameos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Stainless steel ride. Like R-I-D, not rod. Ride. Ride. Oh, taking out on a stretcher. That's not bad. Wheelchair.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah. It might have spider mites. Or are you kissing it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I remember I didn't know what that was, and they used to make fun of me for eating so much when I was a kid. I think when I finally saw it, that's goddamn rude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah, like the Jaws of Life over there. And then I saw it on an episode of Cops. I was like, that's fucking mean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
It is a big pair of scissors. That's what it is. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
A stainless steel rock. It's the needle. A stainless steel rock riding the lightning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
It's spider. You don't? No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
They just put everybody in there? Yeah. Petty shit, petty shit?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
And it was in a pot. It was doing great. And then it's getting tall. She starts fucking busting my bone. You have to put it in a bigger pot. Put it in a bigger pot and sure as shit. It's fucking going. Now it's going downhill. And I don't know what it is. The leaves are turning yellow. But it's not because they're dry. So I don't know if we're overwatering, underwatering.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
So they're selling heaters, but you can't smoke them?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I'm not eating fucking mackerel pouches.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
That shit sucks. Spam I could get by, but I got to have it grilled.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I've got a bad gastro track.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah. So you have to be racist? I don't want to do that. It's not cool, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Not because of that. I had my back against the wall.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
If there's a fungus in there. Was there not a good drainage in there? So, I mean, we're like freaking out about this. So I found some fucking guy in Long Island City that fucking does like, he's like a vet for plants. I got him at the house right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Who's touching the TV?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
They're not going to give me my heart medication, are they?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
It's a medical device prescribed by a doctor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Oh, man, trying to look tough in there with that on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I'd put money on your books, too. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. No, you wouldn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
All right, so at the end of the month, I get $400. That could keep me alive. Half of that for snacks and half of that for paying people off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition, but I got to tell you folks, why is that flannel boy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I got to work when I get out of this. It's Christ.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Plus, obviously, there's a superstition behind it. Sure. Something happens to that plant. It's like Final Destination.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Wasn't that the same thing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Got a butt plug right here. Waiting on a call. By the way, this is behind. This is on a Patreon, so we can talk about this. Have you seen the Instagram videos?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Have you seen the Instagram videos where they got the girls in the. Oh, my God. Don't finish this. They got the girls in the yoga pants, and they have the butt plug in, and you can see the little light in there. Sure. Man. Get you going? Imagine that. Imagine being able to... Who gets away with that? Whores. What do you mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
No, but I mean, who has that kind of relationship where they're just doing fun things like that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
The sleeper cells. The kippies eyebrows.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Danny Masterson. He's in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Not a cool guy. That's why Topher got a bad rap. They said he didn't like any of that crap around the set. And he grabbed ass. He didn't grab ass or nothing like that. He was professional.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Here for a little bonus episode on the old Patreonish, gang. Sure. We got a fun one for you. As I said, my co-host is coming at you from across the table, working the wood chipper today. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Good luck finding out what happened to Harry Potter now, huh? Ah, that's fiction.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
What am I telling people I'm in for?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Because if it was personal use, I wouldn't get five years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
That was real close to happening about 15 years ago. I did it one time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
My roommates were going away and somebody wanted to... Finger you? No, wanted to wrap some presents, if you know what I mean, for the weekend. And the take wasn't great. Yeah. Oh, I fucking freaked out about it. Luckily, he decided against it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Or a veal shank. Kind of an asabuco.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Do I know what brake fluid is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Like the actual definition?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Gotcha. All right, let me go. I love you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
And I'm sorry, it wasn't the guy, it was her. So she was telling me the situation, not the guy. I guess she's not calling me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
Yeah, like I'll do it all day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
I'm around all the time.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
This fat guy's eating the sidewalk. That's not even gingerbread. Solving is the town. It's called Solving. Solving, yeah. Like Solving the Murder. It's in California and it's the Danish capital. So a lot of Danish people live there.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
That's how we end up in some witch's pot or some shit like that. Right this way, boys.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
It's like Midnight Cowboy. We're on a bus. My nose is bleeding. Don't worry, Foley. I'm going to get you there. Nobody saw Midnight Cowboy.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Deep cut. If you watch Graham Norton, you know what I'm talking about.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
There are surgeries for that. I'm a Toblerone man. Don't worry.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
You never had a Toblerone before? You fucking animals. This guy's talking about Mexican Wawa's. The fuck? Get Phoenix back out here, goddammit. Some eye candy.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
One of the only Jewish families in a Danish and Finnish area?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
We did Route 66, tour Chicago to LA on a bus, did nine cities, nine shows in like 10 days, and we filmed the whole thing. A lot of behind the scenes, a lot of the live show. It's a good fucking time. It's a great time.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
This is nice. This is new, isn't it? You don't know. You didn't used to normally do this. The little panel when you come out.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Wow. Holy shit. A little too much time down at the reactor, huh?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
When you said one-offs, you meant one-night stands, right? That's what you meant? Yeah. Okay. I've never heard it put like that before.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
The kid's right. I didn't take my jacket off last night. I thought I was having a goddamn stroke.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Really? I thought Stuck definitely had a moment. Stuck didn't get me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I feel like it is. I feel like I've never heard a comedian not talk about Stuck porn. I think it exists. I think you opened the floodgates.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Don't put stock and incest porn on me, bro. Freak zero, Shane Gillis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
No name and stuck porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, you're hard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Be alone. Instagram can draw one loose. Oh, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I just try so hard not to jack off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'm not fucking crazy. Yeah, I'm horny as fuck. I've got a shadow box in my fucking hotel room.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You want to hurt yourself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
What are you doing? With a ball hanging from his forehead.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Knock this off. They could team up. I got a whole brick of Velveeta. It's like watching a nature documentary when you see one of the wildebeests go down. There's a million wildebeests. It's like, dude, you guys could help, but you're too dumb. Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
They spin it like crazy. Yeah. And then they set up cameras and then they add noises and they give the animals like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We like to bring them down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was filling up the rental car with washer fluid. That is the worst. You're like, I think I'm going to take a nap. Ten minutes later, you come out. You go, I couldn't sleep. Goddamn adrenaline next door.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'm just dying for a nap. I'm so tired.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Huge, dude. The next video is weird because down here the porn is, I don't know, now mine's all like Latinos and Mexicans because we're close. I think that's what you're into.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got dick pills. I've added five to seven inches. I'm about to fucking mature lady in my area. Joke's on you, asshole. I'm about to fuck a bunch of locals. With someone. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Well, there's an Internet hound. Oh, search things out. Does it work? Sometimes what works?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You can find girls on Reddit? God damn, man. Yeah, Reddit's like the new Craigslist kind of. These kids. The man's like 48. These creeps I meant. I'm sorry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
The outer rim was just cold.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, do you think he looked like what you described? Sick, sick, Latino dude. She looked like shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
and that's a gardini guarantee thank you pardon the interruption uh can you tell the story of going through the yoga ball or the uh exercise ball this is yeah that this one was pretty bad i think about this story constantly but hold this chick she lived in the thomas jefferson houses in the bronx
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We're going to talk about, we're going to touch on a few topics today. We're going to touch jacking off for about one hour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow. Welcome to the show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's the funniest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, this was just the bed. This was on the blankets. Just ruining a blanket with fucking old lady oil.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Maybe that's why the parents... It's for side chicks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
contracts were signed that's crazy like swiss businessman once you get done talking business you can talk about that must be just insane like i'm sure the post not clarity for most guys is like holy fuck what am i doing in this motel no but when you got a cool one your post your post not like you need a ride when you got a cool one you like they were cool like the cool ones were cool as shit
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Especially at your house. I bet the boys went straight upstairs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, we really thought things through and we're ready to try a cock ring. They sell cock rings at fucking CVS. That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I thought we were joking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Instead of them going, that's it, huh?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You can't just fucking whip that out. You break it out and it's too big. You got to go, you know what? Let's not even use this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Don't feel bad for a second, bro. Wait, what? What age? Don't worry about it, Kev.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And that's it. That's the only topic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I remember my parents found a condom in my bedroom and it was after I had just all my guy friends sleep over. Oh, and they were like, what the fuck? It's all these jock straps. You can't be like, Mom, I was jacking off. I was butt-fucking one of my friends.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was having protected gay sex with one of my buddies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Condom in the room is... That's devastating. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I think I was, like, a senior in high school. That's borderline.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
No, but, I mean, there was no women. Sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You're like, bro, this is going to be sick. No, it was used. Oh, wait. Yeah, it's not like they found the wrapper. It was a condom. It was a used condom. I threw it up to my bed and then lost it. Wait, so whose was it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was jacking off. Oh, all right. I didn't know that. No, they didn't find a condom. They were like, my gay son. No, it was a used condom after an old dude's sleepover. They were like, what the fuck happened? Oh, man. I was like, yeah, my friend Jared used it. Just immediately blamed a friend.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
What the hell's going on up there? Because I think you left something on the floor in your bedroom. Get up there. And I was like, oh, my God, it's a condom.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was bedtime. I had to get my eight hours. You got to get up and get rid of the evidence. Of course. Obviously, I'm talking about it now. 20 years later, I'm still thinking about that mistake.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
To be using lambskins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I knew we were going to talk about cum and jacking off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Finally, we can brag about it. Yeah, it was an eighth grader's boobs I was sucking on. I hope no one clips this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
He just loves the league.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
No particular team, just sports the team.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You know, where I'm at the beach. That's that's where.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
A con man was hitting me with those. He was wearing them first when we were at the beach, and I was like, you look like a dumbass. They bought me one, and I was like, these are fucking sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
What'd you say? I guess I'm a slut. Oh, I'm always sick and afraid of inflaming. You know, I'm always full of guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It reminds me of Kings of Tupelo. Where he's like, they call me a retard and a dumbass. How the fuck did it flip?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That'd be nice. That would be decent. But if you're the seatbelt, if you're not wearing it, you'd be the one death. You know how embarrassing that would be?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
and in front and behind sure all of the 88 passengers 87 unscathed one guy fucking dead here's the thing one guy trying to be cool dumbass exploded now they all just jump the other way but if you flip then they're all on the ceiling in their seat belts and then you got to do that thing upside down i'm surprised nobody fucking got wrapped that would be so far in my gut that i wouldn't be able to get it out
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, yeah. That would suck. I saw one guy, though. There's footage of people getting out. And the guy grabs the lady's butt on the way. I saw that. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, on the way out. He's like, here you go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Asia's going nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I think they typically act up over there. You think it's a funny way to call it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Crockpot, yeah. Speaking of, I need you to fire that thing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Therein lies the problem. It's bad. Something Wong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You're on your period.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Something Wong, We Too Low. And I was like, bing, bow, ow. It was like something about the crash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We too low. Holy fuck. Bang, ding, ow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's so fucked up. We too low. Holy fuck. Bing, ding, ow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You're onto something. Have them stop the asteroid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Maybe we're going to find out in 2032, Malaysian Airlines. How pissed would you be? You're on a vacation, that's where they pull you? You're like, fuck. What, the outer space?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Constantly needs to do laundry and shit. Oh, the fucking ozemic burp on a plane. Oh, fuck. I think about that all the time, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It smelled like shit when we were talking to those guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was not the kid getting them. He was the guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, it sucks. And you were in line for, what was that? We were at customs. Oh, my God. I would have fucking killed myself if somebody was burping shit. Customs line is maybe my least favorite place. When you land at JFK, just fucking Afghanistan Airlines just got off next to you. That's coming off worse than I want it to, but you know what I mean.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I got the broth in the fridge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Get those burps really going.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Like reptiles. Dude, if I burped into my seatbelt. That's the funniest shit ever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'd be so mad if I was on the plane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, it's like, well, you're blowing up my spot. Why would you do this? I feel like it doesn't get that far, though. It doesn't, but when you see it hit someone, it's the fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You see like a guy reading the paper like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It is the funniest thing in the world. Oh, so you would see his face. That would have been me. If I was a guy, if somebody was behind me farting like that, I'd be like... I would have been delighted. That was a real one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, it's a fucking good podcast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We love you, boys. You guys fucking rule.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, yeah. You don't have anything to promote, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
When's it coming out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
No, I didn't. Because I got to wait for the, yeah. Are you cooking here? Well, yeah, I'm trying. Are you really? Yeah, last night I had a bowl of meat. Sounds like a homeless guy. I got a bowl of meat and bacon and eggs this morning. All right. Some spinach in there. But the bowl of meat's good. What does that mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Store-bought potato salad being like garlic to vampires to black people. Next time you go to an unruly neighborhood, have some.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I will say the single mother, the single mother household had snacks. Oh, that's where you could find Dunkaroos. Good snack. Fuck you. She's treating a little man, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You know, there's no Paul.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Here we are. Hey, guys. How are you?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, your mom giving head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's worse than...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
i know that's brutal that's like the worst thing you can see giving head that's it what would you prefer to see your mom receiving doggy or giving head i hate to say doggy yeah there's still up a little for imagination obviously obviously it's pov he's going dirty cameraman you're like yeah that's that's a fucking that's a mission though that's back in the day that's a heavy ass fucking camera it's an upper body strength she drops it she's dead yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yep. Then sprinkle some cheese on there. Put it in a bowl. Pour hot sauce on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's my type of meal. You do the whole thing? The whole pan? I mean, you leave some in there for a little. And then you go, you know what? Who am I kidding? I'm going to finish that fucking pan right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was a spoof on Psycho, and it was called the Butts Motel. That's pretty good. That's a thinker, though. Yeah, the knife was a dildo in the shower. It was pretty good, yeah. It's crazy they made porn funny back then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'll be honest. I was on share bed very early. Really? Before it was like people were talking about it and I was like, this is wrong. Yeah. It's so normal. Before the stepmom genre, like early on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
i got i got a shared bed video and i i kept going back to the well on that you thought it was wrong and i was like this is insane this is yeah shared shared steps on stepmom on vacation that was pre-stuck it was pretty stuck it was very early dude my body stuck came out and everyone's not afraid to admit they're jacking off the incest porn and i was like oh thank Thank fucking God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Let me jack you off. Yeah, you're like, all right, come on now. False advertisement.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That's always the townhouse you die in. That's like when you keep a side house. I think you're onto something. That's always where you get found.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You're not going to fail a drug test. You're going to lose your... You got a morality clause in your contract.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That conversation has to be brutes. No, have you ever? He's great. Yeah, I just saw something with him. I was like, I turned the channel. I thought he was great. I just saw that same thing.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, I don't remember. I remember the.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
When you're showing up to the... That's a big thing now, the fit check when you're showing up to the stadium.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It wasn't like that. So you're showing up just like jeans and a t-shirt.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Big man's teeth don't really read on screen.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It's thicker than my eye. I don't know.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Where did you go? You didn't go to Turkey, did you?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Like a NASCAR wife. I've consulted your guy. Not consulted. He's been pushed on me a little bit. Oh yeah, he's great. Did you go in there and have him do the... No, I poked around a website a little bit. I just can't. When he does that... I don't care enough. There you go. It's already too far gone. You did it when no one went. Did Danny get touched up? Now it would be... You look fine.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
How old are you when you got him?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I don't know. Also, I'm already married. At this point, we got a little bit of success. I ain't on TV. YouTube special, Route 66 at best. Out now. Out now. Go stream it. Go watch it. But it's also like our brand is we're fat dumb idiots who smoke cigs and drink beers.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Which I have to say has never happened. I've never even heard it happen. But like my biggest fear would not be getting them and people being like... Yo, did you get hair transplant? It would be me walking into the room, no one saying anything, and then me walking out and everybody being like, what in the fuck is that? That would kill me. I'm not going to name names.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
bleeding dude the one guy the barstool just did they sent like 10 guys over to get all get it done and should made like a series out of it oh really and uh the one dude's head swelled up it's so insane so mine i would do i would that looks great i didn't even know you had that so mine when i went and got it done i got the surgery right and then
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It came out like I was reading minds.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You were FaceTiming him. He's like, holy shit. Yo, what did you do?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Hold on, I'm getting Powerball numbers. Oh, no, it's happening again. Jerry, Jerry.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Hey, Doc, watch out. That car's going to hit you.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They take strips out. I thought you didn't do the dots. You did the strip.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
So they rip a strip of your jaw off, your back.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I look like a fucking... Dude, that does not look like... I mean, you're cutting out... If you showed me that and said, who is this? Yeah. Never in a million years would I say Danny Sodes glue guy in the locker room. Never in a hockey game.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
And you've got to be in Turkey. Dude, I saw a guy, I was just in Germany and I saw a guy, he's like, you're connecting and he's standing in line, his head's all swollen. And he's like, wait, you're group four for sure. The Manchurian candidate. Yeah. Dude, and the thing is, is you have to soak. That pressure change too on a plane.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Are you laying in a bathtub? I do draw a night. I do love a nice tubby time.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
My head went right there because I laid in a tub last night and so I put my ears under and I shut out the world.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You're doing just plain, you're doing like a lavender or something. No, I'm doing plain epsom salt. I'm a shea butter honey man. What are you talking about? That gets in the cut. Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah, but it relaxes you at the same time. You're stressed out. You just had surgery. Your body went through trauma.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Listen, if I can't take a tubby, I ain't doing it.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, that's how you got to do it. I'm also too big. I don't have a king's tub. I'm too big for a tub. You got to go feed up.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I hope my wife doesn't walk in. Oh, my God. Because my asshole's facing the door. Oh. The dog will pop in sometime. And the way your nuts are resting. It's bad. And your ween. It's just... Dude, your ween's like... It's like when a baby's getting a diaper change and it pees in its mouth.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No, I'm at the point now where if I just keep it tight, I just keep it short and it's fine and it's just going to go and I'm just going to keep getting, stay on top of it, just keep getting shorter and shorter and ride into the sunset. Louie looks good like that. That's what, dude, my dad had, all my uncle, it's like, that's the head I'm supposed to have.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'd be going against the fucking, I'd be going against God if I changed it. My family is supposed to have this head.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm going to just keep the face and then just start slowly going.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm getting hair transplants right away. That's what I'm spending my money on.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dupe something. Wear my helmet all day long.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I can't do the voices. I gotta do something. They go, hey, K.R., K.R., where you get that wave cap at?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'd get a grill. 05, I'm getting a grill.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Go to Jacob, ice my wrist up? So when I was- He was like- I mean, he was in every song.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They don't want street traffic coming in and going in. It's like, come upstairs on the fifth floor to my fucking, to my vault.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
If there's a pile on, he's going to sniff that pile.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No dairy in me. They're on the plane. I got Ian's meal again. Oh, God. Hey, man.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah. They can go there on Tuesdays. Johnny's cooking. You get steaks.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
So it's like you're the bad news in the situation? Of course. Yeah, like you're hanging out with these white devils.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, that's why you're not Tom Brady. It's like that thing of like, dude, if I made... They always go like, a billionaire makes $100 million a day. And everybody goes, I'd work one day a year. That's not how they got there. That's not how they got there, dude. Well, that's also my favorite thing about... Can't you shut it down and throw it in neutral?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Goddamn, what is a gridiron, dog? I'd be so catty. You think I'm coming out first round out of fucking Penn State without grabbing some hair, playing a little dirty? I'm a white kid trying to make a name for myself.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Got to. If you were a baseball player, I wouldn't now. I'm a little more subtle of a guy.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I have a... I bought a Cuban link. You bought a Cuban link? Yeah. How much? It was like one of those cheap... Well, I bought it for something. It's too big and too... It's like a joke. It's too big and too tight for this guy.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
But it was a bit, because the bit is we couldn't afford the flight back. So we take the bus back. Put a Greyhound back. But it was just like, we were like, let's do this for an Instagram video. We'll get in a fucking helicopter. Fly fucking 30 minutes to the show. But then also have to like land. It wasn't like you'd be landing on top. We were doing helium on a Wednesday night.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
When you get to the Michael Jackson level of drugs. Well, it's like the drugs are just fighting the ups and the downs of life. So you're like, I'm a little tired. Let me take something. Oh, that's kicking in too much. Let me take something to get it down. And you're just fucking. Oh, I'd be dangerous.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I had that with morphine after a surgery. I came out fucking... You know how you get the halo? Oh, yeah. I had that around my arm. It's called an external fixator. It was like bars coming out, and I woke up. It was bad. I woke up screaming. I had to be restrained because I was moving my arm, and they were like, I'm crying.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They came over, and they hit me with the first, like, whatever, three cc's of morphine, and that, like... little bit I'm like more and then they can't like dude the warm is like hey you can get there when I start here in the doors I'm still inside kiss me kiss me we're gonna liberate these Vietnamese
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
all along the watchtower bombs are going off in the distance i sucked at football so that's why this fantasy of how much you what do you do with your money it's the best i would i would for sure blow it at that age i mean i blew it up until a year ago these kids aren't doing this so i'm definitely blowing it at 21.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Did I ever tell you that I did the devil sticks at a talent show? So embarrassing, dude. I swear. Great. Sixth.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm on the fence, but you still don't want pussy that much. I was really good at them, right? I was good at my house. Were you doing dueling or was it just you? Just me. Right? On fire.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No, this was at a camp. Oh, fuck. It was even worse.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah. Sure. Yeah, dressed. I remember a Stussy shirt. Thought it was a... I'm a street performer. I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm an artist at this point. Yeah. Baggy cargo shorts. Like, I'm like... Trying to be cool. Anything in the side pockets? Probably not. No. Why? No girls' numbers, I can tell you that.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Here's the Raiders. Here's 5% of the Raiders.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
think. Dude, they were going to carry me out of there. It was... It's a devil stick, Stan. This is an hacky sack. This is Holland, Pennsylvania. Not that many big acts come rolling through.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Sadly enough, they were what I was borrowing from my neighbor. I don't know. It was the night. You didn't know where to get there. You had a traveling circus or something. You couldn't just go buy them at the mall.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dude, so I could do the one, like, spinning around the one. I could do the double. Like, fucking, I could throw it up and fucking bring it back. I was good, right? I was so good. Did you have music? Music, right? What was the song? I forget the song.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
This is just a way to peddle devil sticks.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
It was 98, probably. Yeah, something like that. So it was something of the time, for sure. Something hot on the radio.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Don't steal my sunshine. Something upbeat, obviously. Engage the crowd. Oh, you know what?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You think if Tom Brady didn't own the Raiders, he couldn't get tickets? He goes, oh.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That's what happened I didn't account for the lights package they were During the show Dan and I mean I was a little disoriented White snake concert the weekend before like tape up your wrists or anything before the performance or did you just go in? I just went out I'm like dude. I'm so good at these You were very confident. Very confident. We had done a dry run.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
We did a dress rehearsal, but they didn't do the lights because it was the daytime. People are still setting up the room, whatever.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dude, and I'm like, this is, it was a little, I was a little off, a little loud, you know what I mean? You know when you go out for a set and it's just, you're like, it's just not here tonight?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
And I'm like, everything's a little, but it's okay. And I go up. And, man, it just, the strobe lights hit the stick. You lost the pop-up. I lost it, dude. I don't know. It just falls. It didn't fall on you. No, it just falls. All right. And then people are like, oh. Pulled a buckner. Dude, and I just, I mean, I must have dropped it nine or ten times. Oh, that wasn't it? No, dude, just fucking.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Then at that point, your confidence just shot. I can't even do the A plus B over here.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
There's boners you can swing from walking around every block.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, you live in the locker room. You're like, that's Dan. He hasn't been out of the stadium in 48 days. You're like Kanye cutting an elephant.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah, so it was like the emotional.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
She goes, can you not call it that? Babe, how's the pump tonight? You come up, you go, it's running. How's she running? She's running. Ready to go. I had to play with the choke a little bit, but I got there. I had to flip the hood.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I had to press that thing to put the gas in there. What are you eating?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I mean, I guess now as I've gotten older, the second time around, it's like, the second time at this age, this wait just ain't fucking happening. Yeah. So I'll make a joke. I'll be like, this is science.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Yeah. I'll laugh about it and be like, we're moving on or whatever. What am I, Latin?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I used to have that feeling. What's the point? Dude, that hit me last night.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I was just like, maybe I could fucking, my wife was sleeping, I'm like, maybe I could fucking snap one off real quick. And I was literally locking, I had to check the front door to make sure it was locked. I'm like, what's the point? What are you doing? I'm going to have to get a paper tag.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Oh, we still got to work. Yeah. And they're not like our work and whatever. Like so different.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
They weren't doing talent show devil sticks. I'll tell you that much.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Gay performance, dude. I told Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor this, too. I got a karaoke machine one Christmas and went to my Uncle Ben's house and rapped Puffy and Mace all around the world, been around the world or something. I remember my whole family pipe fitters just going, what the fuck is wrong with it? Looking at my mom, like, you let them sing this music in here?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I'm a band around the world, and I, I, I, I ain't playing here.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I don't think anyone's even home when he gets home from school. Yeah, what is he watching, MTV? MTV all day, course and daily. That's the problem.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Thank you, buddy. Recent episode of Danny Soads a couple weeks ago.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Illinois. Illinois. All right. I call that Chicago. Okay. Chicago.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I think that's wrong, obviously, but there is the idea of, well, everybody in here is millionaires. But not really. A lot of the guys that are backup linemen. You got to do lunch. I get that, but minimum is also what, like $300,000, $400,000? It used to be $250,000.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Boston nuts. I'll give you that, but it's also like you got the $1.50. I'm not saying it's right, but it's not like they're not charging the people at the soup kitchen and be like, this is a nickel. I don't know. Just give it, you know.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Real Housewives of Gainesville.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dude, I had my cousin married a dude who was on the Texans and he did it right. Got a big contract.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
started like it's just so like fucking he retired at i don't know 33 yeah and he's just like i'm chilling he's diverse it's just like i don't remember who anybody is dude he's like soup for brains but you know he goes i wake up god knows what year it is i'm like you just made every good this thing yeah you're gonna be in a wheelchair shortly yeah but you made a lot of good decisions with it that a lot of people i wouldn't have what's your first move you get sick you can't no nil come out of college penn state linebacker
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Maybe on Monday. I'm talking Friday night. Let's say you're wearing gay. Let's say you're into chicks. A money manager? What? I'd probably put most of it in the S&P at 8%.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
That's my guy. I want my money to work for me.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
But you're a white guy. You're doing a white guy chain? That's a big swing. You got to get different jeans.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No, yeah. At this point, who the fuck are you watching so many times?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Okay, so you got two mil. Oh, you're right. Two mil. I think what agents, NFL, it depends on when you get drafted. NFL takes it up to like 5%. It depends on what round you go, I believe.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Also, what state? Is this a state where most of your games aren't paying income tax?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I think if it's in a state. Okay. Let's just say you got a good chunk, but a house is going to be, oh, you don't want her in some fucking crack house.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
You got a new. No, no, no. But I'm going to get her like. That's nothing down. That's a $1,000 a month payment you got, Tumel. You're good.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
And it was just, like, everybody was like, dude, this is so gay. Did you guys cut it or keep it? Cut it. Cut it. All right. It's a little different in the sense of you're like, you have to convey that we're going Chicago to LA on a bus straight through fucking nine cities, all these shows. Like, we're trying to show that. But, like, you go, hey, guys, we're good. And you're like, this sucks.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I feel like those are starter wives. They know they're getting clipped. They know they're getting clipped.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
But I don't feel like that's the case, though.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Do a dinner for kids without ears. What?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Dinner is ready. That's what I'm writing a check for.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I've been running that commercial a lot. With the Shriners? Stop it.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
We're going to hell. I'll let you do voices.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Escalade. Same situation. Escalade? What is this, 05? The new Escalades are hot. Hummer. And that was 05, 50 cent, spinners, Lambo doors. I might do that down.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
If I can convince my wife to let me get a maroon Escalade truck with the pickup truck, the EXT or whatever, Toto Lambo doors, couple of spinners or the still rims. TVs on the back of the headsets? Ooh.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
What, these things? These things. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. That's all propaganda that's spinning you.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
There's a high center of gravity on there, Jones.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
I smash into a fucking... That would crumple a key like a Coors Light key, dude.
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
Like a Corvette or something with a T-top?
Soder
70: Devil Sticks with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 68
No way you're making MVP with a fucking Camry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A couple of rocks. What are you doing? You off the sauce? No, we're drinking. Okay. Yeah? We were just in Austin for a weekend. Oh, not.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The waiter's like, sir, you've had enough. I'm the angel of death.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, that's a good time. You're cutting up. We were cutting up. Just, yeah, the other patrons did not appreciate our vibes at the time. Was it that or when he got up, the tablecloth was tucked in and he pulled all the silver? It's funny. You were doing the dad thing where somebody would be like, oh, what's that? Can you pass me the butter? He's like, shut up. You're embarrassing us.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We're all like, dude, what the fuck? That was way over the fucking top. That's you too. How much for the children?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I hate that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah. You're embarrassing us. You might get a free dessert.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Whoa, the Leafs. At the table. So it turned to a circle table.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It was bad. Leaf Garrett.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the positive news.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They are cool. It's the hardest thing to quit, they say, is the cigarettes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. Cocaine's harder to get, though. Cigarette, you can pop into the bodega.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You need a guy. Give me a call.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know if that's really the scientific method there that you're applying to the bum skis. That doesn't work with STDs either. I'm clean. Go. This dick still looks all right. Yeah. I have buddies that still, I'm like, guys, you got to, you know, there are a couple of weekend warriors out there. You know, not comics. It'll do, you know, it'll do, it'll do a blow from time to time. Sure.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And I'm like, dude, are you tested it? And he's like, nah, you know, and I'm like, he's like, I've been buying it from the same guy for like 15 years. I'm like, yeah, but he's not getting it from the same place. Like that is, you know, it's such flawed logic, but people are out there just rolling the dice.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He had a pretty good set.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No, they got them in New York Comedy Club. I still see them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. Sometimes they do it like, they're like, oh, we drop them 10 minutes late, you know, before the end of the show. And it's like, they'll drop them at the end of the host. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? It's so quick. I've been, you know, when you sell tickets, finally, you can start saying no checks and they hate you for it. Because they're so weird thing. Yeah. I guess so.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But I can feel a tension with the server.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But, yeah, the idea of dropping checks on the headliner, the guy they came to see, is so backwards.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Exactly. It might happen once a show. And even once a show is not going to fucking sink the club. Yeah, we'll pay for it. I'll pay for it. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Let's not get carried away here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah, that's old. Called you a piece of shit or something like that? I kept putting it on Instagram and it kept getting taken off for like... you know, bad words. You handled that very well.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wait, what did I do? Indeed. Yeah. Zany's hoodie on. I'll wear anything for free.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The wheels are spinning. You're just like, say something funny. Great line.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I feel bad, but the language was a bit much. Now they're throwing her out. But I really want to reason with her. What do you mean I'm promoting it? I'm telling a joke, you fucking psycho. Jesus Christ. I'm seeing red. You can't tell, but I'm so angry. It was a cute little Asian lady with a mask on. The little dance.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, that's insanely small. I can read it. I came to the show last night and I just have to say some of his jokes were disgusting and inappropriate. I'm from New Orleans and I love good comedy, but I feel like it was a waste of my time. I should have just went to the parade. Ah! Sounds like it was written in the 1950s.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, well, you still got it, baby. Why did they send that to you?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
From New Orleans, tits and dicks all over the street and homeless people and your jokes are too much. I love that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes. Do you know how fucked up those are? Man, I hope she gets run over by that terrorist on bourbon. Jesus. Sorry, I'm from there. I like jokes too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's local.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I have one this week. This guy messaged me. I didn't even tell you. It's from like last tour or something. He's like, hey, I remember when you bombed in Rhode Island. And this is from like, dude, we haven't been to Rhode Island since like 2022. And I'm like, ah, it's the beginning of the, you know, I'm like, dude, I'm like fighting with him in my head.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And I'm like, dude, he's like, you were reading out of your notebook. Can you be more specific? Thanks for bringing it back up, you douche. Two years later, you can't let me down a C-plus set? You know what I mean?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The internet does that. You ever tweet something, and then you're like, oh, I misspelled something. So you edit it, and then one guy has to go, I saw the edit, you cum guzzler. And you're like, all right, I spelled it wrong. Why are you mad at me?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Sorry if it's my turn signal back there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Dude, it's been living in my head. It's like shook me all week. I'm like, this guy's sitting at home for fucking two years. Worrying about one fucking tough set. God damn it. Don't you wish we had a late show? I got checks.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I had one guy go, you ever had, like, a hot set? You do, like, a killer tight hour, and one guy goes, a lot of new stuff. You working it out? Like, no, no, that was all, like, eight months old. That'll be something in a couple of months.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Man, what a fucking hilarious review for the movie.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I know, I know. Jesus Christ. That sucks.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But I was like, come on. Albert Brooks has a thing called a CompuSalt. He's like, if you wait with an audience member long enough, they will find a way to insult you. Oh, that's great. That's good. Dude, we were loading into a venue. Somewhere. Loading in. Jeez, I picture him on a forklift.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's a rascal, but you're not far off.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He's grabbing a chicken finger as we walk through the kitchen.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We were walking through the kitchen and, you know, it's like the two waitresses, they were probably like early 20s, didn't know us or the show or whatever. And they were just like, what the fuck is this show? And you're just like, I sold it the fuck out. You can learn the name of it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They make fun of each other. I don't know. I don't even think they're comedians. Jesus fucking Christ, ladies. I'm not a magician.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay. Check out the Route 66 special out now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's not a bomb. Let's be honest, though. Those Yelp reviews, though, aren't always helpful. Sometimes you can tell it's somebody having a personal thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You really got to grade on a curve. You got to go, like, I was just looking at something, a product, and me and my wife were thinking about buying, and it was like, the battery sucks, the battery. And I'm like, all right, well, then if there's 10 people saying the battery sucks, then you go that way.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Throw that name in there, yeah. And what a horrible headline that would have been. Sam Morrill and little guy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
yeah true that lady with you was either like a look at me moment you know what i mean that had nothing to do with you right yeah i try to i try to talk to my wife about it it's like we see so many people like you know you do even if you're just doing shows in the city it's like a club's a hundred people so you're in front of yeah communicating with a hundred people over and over over and over maybe you know you might do that fucking 10 times a week yeah
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's like the average person does not communicate with 100 people in a month. Of course. You're going to statistically. Statistically, we're just seeing more. You're like, oh, that's just mental illness. That lady's. And it's one out of 100. So actually, your odds are pretty damn good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I hate that shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They're just looking for it. They're looking for the confrontation. I don't know if we should even bring this up, but do you guys see that Alec Baldwin thing? No. Oh, I thought you were talking about the gunshot. I was like, oh yeah, we saw that. What happened?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
This kid is dressed as Trump, and Alec Baldwin's like, he's pulling his luggage out of a car at his house, and he's just trying to go upstairs, and the guy's like, oh, you shot a lady, but he's doing it as Trump, and Alec Baldwin goes, if you weren't filming right now, I'd break your fucking neck. My kids are inside. But he leans in. It's real movie.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's real like, he leans in, he's like, listen, if these cameras weren't here right now, I'd break your fucking neck. Dude, he takes so much shit. We also know he's a comedian. I know. Oh, really? Yeah. Do we? I mean, I know who he is, yeah. It's pretty shitty to do to this guy. I mean, the guy's just trying to get into his apartment.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. Pull her out. I haven't seen Lucci in a minute. I mean, she's aged for sure.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah, because they want the clicks. I was leaving the cellar the other night, and I was getting picked up at Ben's, and there was two comics barking for one of the clubs, and the guy's like, yeah, I don't want to get seen until my material's ready. And I'm like, that's probably like an eight-month comic making that decision of like, But you have to be like, do I want to get likes right now?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's a smart kid right there. At eight months in, this guy's having this conversation.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm not ready to be sued. Anonymity is underrated. It's mature.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The guy stayed in the pocket. You got to hand it to him. Yeah, man. I fucking love him. He delivered it like Jack Donaghy did. I love him. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We need more bald ones out there. I love them. I do, too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Just let him go. I don't understand it. He shot the wrong person. I saw him in JFK recently. What? No. I don't know. I was. He was walking by himself. And everybody was just like, yo, Alec. And it was kind of like a hero's walk. I get it. It's New York, so he's very liberal. But it was like... It was great to see everybody like, because you only see him at his fucking lowest anymore.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You see him in like a murder trial. He's getting accosted on the street.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
His legs look really bad in the second Comedians in Cars, though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And they're walking on his knees. He's got bad fucking. Hit you with a miniola two-step fucking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Really?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's in the dock, I think. Well, he's an Irish guy from Long Island with four brothers.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You know the guy did some whaling. Yeah. And I think he played hockey as well. He's the oldest brother, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, can you imagine the four Baldwin brothers back in the late 70s just running Clemson. Billy, Stephen, the other guy. I mean, it must have been nuts.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I helped her with her bag. He helped her with her bag. He was trying to show off. Excuse me, young, hot, strapping guys. I'm listening. Yeah, helped her with her bag. He would have been nothing. Proper rich woman. Sure. Look at that. She got cash. What is she, a... Pop star? I mean, soap star? All My Children. That's the one.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Watched him last night. He looks good. Blue eyes, black Irish. Woo, baby. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Beetlejuice. He had a run. Look at that hair.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Jet black.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Quite a kick. Kieran Culkin. Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk. Come on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I did hear that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I had to follow Bill Burr at New York Comedy Club the other night. Murder! Like, you feel like, ah, I haven't seen the guy in a while. I wonder how he's doing. Maybe working out some shit. He killed. I mean, unlike your Rhode Island set. He really crushed. Can't a guy work on material? I'm sending an email. Killer stuff. We hung out a little bit. What a fun guy. That's awesome.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He also did a lot of dark shit, and the crowd pulled back. He's like, you fucking New Yorker. He did that whole thing, and you're like, yes, he still got some edge, and he yelled at everybody. That's awesome. I've never really had any real interactions with him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think we have it on set.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hey.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Jesus Christ. A family program. All right. Look at Danny, man. That guy is bloated. All of them. Exactly. Just killing it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Those guys coming home from high school with the football jersey still on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. They're the LIRR. They're just running train.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Not true. He's got to be 5'4 if he's a foot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know what I know her from. Susan Lucci is? All My Children. That's Elon's new show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the first thing I think. When I see an old rocker, I'm just like, man, the trim this guy must have slipped through. Look at these guys. These guys were just pounding gas. Dude, they were fucking loaded. Oh, yeah. Blue Oyster Cult. Are they Long Island? Yeah. No shit. Blue Oyster Clan.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Twisted Sister, I think, really never got out of New York, I feel, right? I see Dee Snider all the time. Yeah. Where do you see him? He's in the village, just walking around, drinking coffee. Did you ever hear his story? He was completely broke, working a day job. This is after Twisted Sister. He was working at like the front desk of like a tanning salon or something crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And someone came to him to write Christmas music for somebody. And it turned into like three famous Christmas songs that are written by Dee Snider. Can we look up what the songs were? Yeah, he tells this. Dee Snider, what Christmas songs he wrote. He tells the stories. He was working at the front desk of like a dentist office or a gym or something like that. That dude's got a fucking look.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. From far away. For Celine Dion. Him and Judy Gold. Wait, do they pour some sugar on me? No, that's Def Leppard. Sorry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Is that it? What's Dee Sniders? Dee Sniders says, yeah, I want to rock.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We're not going to take it. Hilarious. Whatever pays the bills. Sure. Comedians can't do that. We can't come up with Christmas jokes that pay off the debts. Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah. Just go out once a year like a mall Santa Claus. Yeah, like December to January, you just clean up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What's the deal with the oolongs?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And it's just all holidays. Oh, that's amazing. The goal. Love the goal.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. Yeah, I hope so. I love horns. So do the Jews.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Same.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
This is just with plays when you walk through New Orleans. This is just what you hear. Oh, dude, we were just walking and we heard some great shit. Just local musicians there. I know. It's incredible. I went to the Blue Note once. I was like, I've seen this on the sidewalk in the Big Easy. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Blue Note up here, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Always.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, people love jazz. It's still like you go to the, what's the other one? There's a couple. Smalls. Smalls, that's the old school joint. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. There's another one. There's like four in the village that are still there. I would love to do comedy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I thought it'd be fun to go from jazz club to jazz club. Very cool. Comedy and jazz are kind of a similar vibe. Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. Call it Notes. You bringing notes up? Don't do that. Rhode Island don't like it. All right. Spike you up on some heroin? All right, let's see these questions, eh, Fatty? Hit me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. This whole court's out of order.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Are you on mic?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You got to do it. I mean, I had a lot of money on that hockey game, U.S. versus Canada. Cleaned up. You bet on Canada? You scumbag. Well, you know, Trudeau is the governor. Hey. All right. That was good. That was perfect. All right. Hey, folks, if you need a little boost, embrace the power of nature and elevate your day with Vaya. I looked it up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Via Hemp products range from 0 to 100 milligrams of THC so you can choose your own adventure. They've got THC and THC-free gummies and vapes, THC-A flowers, topicals, and even calming drops made from the highest quality American-sourced hemp products. I can't sleep, I pop one of these dreams, and I am in la-la land, baby.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
oh yeah yeah they got it all whatever you need thc no thc cbd gummies flour they got everything you can find your perfect dose there's no medical card required and via ships legally at almost every state in the u.s if you're over 21 check out the link to via in the description and use code drunk to receive 50 off and if you're new to via get a
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
free gift of your choice after you purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them support the show tell them we sent you elevate your life with via uh i shit crouching over in a public toilet that's not okay that's what i'm saying these are like is it garbage oh they think they're be uh are they hovering that's not what it means like they're crouching over the
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'd do a hover if I'm real janitor.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Not. I mean, it's never. It's like if there's pee and shit on the toilet seat and I don't have time to be like, I got to be a janitor and clean this. Yeah. I'll do my best to hover. Do you do the little saran wrap thing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And open up. Yeah. He's got a wild, we've talked about this a bunch, but he has an insane public bathroom. What is it? Ritual. Hit me, Fatty.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, I've done that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think it's a little weird.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's crazy to me. I'll do like toilet paper or, you know, I'll give it a once over visually.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do I have to spend $9.99? Pull up a squatty potty.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Why not just get a cinder block? Because you're supposed to poop with your knees higher.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do you want to be an idiot? There's got to be an easier way. I've got to spend... $25 on a piece of plastic? You get saved 10%, 15% on your first order of promo code garbage. What are you talking about? I get six Bibles and a Koran, and we're back in business. That's more than $24.99. I got them at home.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do you have a Bible at the house? I got many. Really? Why? I used to sell them. Is that true? Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Paper moon. Good. Dude, I had, it's because it's like, you know, kind of opens, it lines everything up and opens the door. I went out drinking one night real bad and I had fucking bud mud. Diarrhea with one of those things. It is like, I almost ended up in the apartment above us.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I just got the standard Joan.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Why is it better for you? Lines you up. See how your colon is kinked, I guess, or your rectum? I don't know what it is. Would this work for anal sex? Sure. Yeah? You'd think the knees should be up. Oh, let's hit the bathroom and figure it out.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think that gets them to buy it. Get that Bible. Let's go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Damn. You don't do that? I do it. Yeah, it feels good. Yeah. It does feel better. I remember when body pillows were back then. I had a body pillow. Oh, yeah. Remember the boyfriend pillow? What's that? Me neither. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I was just happy to be out of there. Yeah. You're just getting random guys. And we've always been like, hey, man, can you slow down? And they're like, no, I'm doing the speed limit. It's like you're doing 95 miles an hour right here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
There you go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's nice. Clean living. Oh, yeah. I love it. Wait, oh, go back to the questions. You ever been so hungover? Speaking of dirty toilets, you ever been so hungover where you're, like, yakking or you got food poisoning and the toilet's filthy, but you don't give a shit? Yeah. You're in such bad shape, you're, like, leaning on the fucking porcelain.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The relief of it is better than whatever you're getting. There's a turd floating in the air. You couldn't care less.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes. You're, like, switching over. Exactly. Shift change. Yeah, awful. All germophobia goes out the window.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, I did that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hell yeah. They're not raw. They come cooked. They're just cold. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What the fuck?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
This is a fucking twisted sister, man. If you don't eat ass, I'll be confused. My favorite. All right. He uses a squirt. Get the squatty potty.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It was like a secret. Oh, it was right guard? Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Interesting. Yeah. It's similar to like a push pop when you think about it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. We had this pink medicine that was so fucking good. I know exactly what you're talking about.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I love it. Pull it up. I love Dimetap too as a kid. Great Dimetap. Get you back in here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
29 minutes. She probably makes more money than all of us. Yeah. Yeah, right?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Is that why you're hard? Butter tuck.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Here we go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Do you find Matt Salkew's cute? Is he trashy? Circle yes or no and pass it back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know. Well, the good thing about the tour bus drivers is that's, like, very... There's a lot of oversight. They have to turn in their journals and shit. Sprinter companies, like limo companies, they're just running and gunning. That guy's probably working at Amazon during the day and then being like, I'll drive your van at night.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All class, baby. All class, kiddo.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Huge crossover.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. Sunday night. We come out Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. Oh, you guys are doing two a week. We do four episodes a week between Patreon and Law.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
maybe a little bit I mean we're coming off of the we did a wild run promo for the special so it's like yeah we're fucking gassed a little bit when you do a live show on the road how much is stand up how much is like crowd questions we each do about 25 minutes of stand up and then we do about a half an hour of are you garbage with the crowd Oh, that's fun.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, no real heavy lifting, you know. And you film all that, and that could be Patreon. Yeah, so the special, we're dropping it. We did Route 66, Chicago to L.A. We filmed, like, essentially a special at every show. It was, like, nine shows from Chicago to L.A. And then we have the bus. Do you ever see, like, Vince Vaughn's Wild Wild West? Yeah. It's, like, our version of that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
or comedians of comedy or whatever. So it's a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff. Is this going to pay off? No, we're in the hole.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the state of entertainment. Sure. It's also like we wanted to do it like it'll be fun to be on a bus for two weeks just fucking seeing this crazy shit. To do it for the life experience. And then also it's like we've gotten this far by making bad financial decisions to an extent.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You know what I mean? That's garbage. Yeah, it's like, let's use it to make cool shit and have fun. You've got to remember the fun part, because a lot of people are like, ah, you're doing that gig, the money's not great. I'm like, it's going to be a blast. Like, fully loaded, you might actually make more if you did your own headlining. Sure. But you've got to go...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Get drunk, get in a fucking hot tub. I look at Ari a lot for that. It's a good life experience. It's cool. Totally. When he would get you guys to go do four guys in wherever and then go skiing or water flying or whatever. I'm like, that's a cool weekend. that I would like to be able to do as we do. Ari might be a little, he's like, I'm doing a gig in Gaza. He pays $6.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I get to wear a bulletproof vest.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, that must have sucked. Oh, that was where the drugs and the booze came.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
There's like no Uber. You just got to get a car with wherever. Yeah, it's like sucked.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I know. It's a hard living. It's like being a country singer in the fucking 60s.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A lot of heroin. Yeah, we're very fortunate just to like... It's like we're hanging with three or four of our friends. Well, you gotta think comedy is fairly new as a job and an art form. So we've kind of perfected it just now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You can make your own shit. You can post your own shit. You can pick who you want on the road. You can pick what gigs you want. You can say no to a check spot. Like, it's really... I mean, there's so many guys doing monster shows.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I just did an arena with Gillis on Saturday. Nuts. And you're like... We're at the Four Seas. I mean, the whole thing's insane. You're like, we're just telling jokes. This guy's a drunk and fat, maybe retarded, and we're having a great time. How awesome is it? Yeah, we were watching down the fucking thing, and we're closing out in L.A. at a theater, and I literally looked at him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm like, we do a theater? This is crazy. It's crazy. We fill a theater with people from him calling me bald and me calling him fat. It's incredible.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's like Elvis.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's a funny monologue. It's really funny. Yeah, his level of, it's like, well, you're like, geez, dude, I was in the bathroom at the Creek and like the walls were shaking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A riot broke out. Yeah, it was a crazy weekend. Minneapolis, we're at the hotel at the bar. Santino is doing his Hulu. He's also at the hotel. So we got to hang out with him. Kevin Hart walks up. No shit. He was at the hotel and he was doing some big arena, club, whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We chatted with him. He's little, nice. Now you bump into Kevin Hart. Does he know who you are? Zero. I've met him 38 times. I call him. I say, I'm Kevin Hart on stage. And no one sent him that, you think? Maybe, but I think he's just so busy. He's in an ice plunge or he's working out. It's also, you think, like, I think of that, too, of, like, how busy you are.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
How busy, you know, the four of us are. And then imagine how busy that fucking guy is. He's on Jumanji 9. He's got, like, you know, he's got a family. It's just wild.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Well, Shane invited Kevin Hart. I was like, hey, I'm at the arena. Come pop on after. And he was like, I don't know. We'll see. So the whole time, you see Shane on stage closing. Checking, yeah. And Kevin Hart's a little guy. So he was really like... Is that a little five foot one black over there? What is that? And we saw him after and he was like, I'm not doing that shit. I got my own show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm not going to close out your dumb show. I was like, that's a good point.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I know, I know. And he's like, I'm not popping on your show. You pop it on my show. I'm Kevin Hart.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Kevin Hart actually did some room called The Ambassador, which is like this big music venue, but he did like 18 of them. Yeah. Probably him working on material.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, sell 8,000 seats a night to work on material.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He was filming in Philly. I think that movie with Bryan Cranston or whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
So he shot in Philly. They just opened. That's a pretty big room, that Punchline. Sure. I think he did like 20 shows in a week because he's like, I'm here filming anyway. So just like two a night. And the rumor is that he got the parking. His own guys. He's like, I'm going to bring in a third party to get the part. And it was like $50 to park.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And I don't know if he took that money or he just gave it to his boy, like, you know, hooked his boys up. But that was the understanding is he had a parking deal. That's crazy. A businessman mentality. If you do 20 headline club shows, you could almost work out your whole hour. Like, you could just finish it. That's a year and a week. Exactly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A year and a week. Holy moly. Man. That's it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wait, wait. I didn't know he's doing a stand-up. No. Do a stand-up movie. Yeah. There's a lot of stand-up movies. They're just very rarely done well. What's his?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I didn't want to say that, but yeah. It's all about the Kramer incident. He plays Kramer?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, Philly's having a moment.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Huh.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Boy, just wrap it up and get out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And then you're like, it exists in Philly. So it's a famous guy in Angelo's. And I think there's probably some variation, but it's very much. But he's back there cooking. He's back there cooking, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
you shouldn't have had three three that's not a hot that's a miscarriage peeing's one thing but when you got a dump and you know that you're at least like 20 minutes like there's nothing in sight man that's a cold sweat that you never forget but back to these these drivers are always a little off there's always a good way a diddle or a drug history or a prison time there's always something burt's guy got kicked off for being anti-semitic really yeah he got in a fight with
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Working like 13-hour days as a camera operator.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Political answer coming in hot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. Fucking pretty motherfucker. I do love when these actors do extra shit, like Daniel Day-Lewis became a cobbler. Yes. For like 10 minutes, and then he was like, all right, I'm going back. I know. They always go back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They made two of those fuckers. I was the second. Oh, yeah. European.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
ladies man houseboat bill moments it's ladies man was all right is he was at the snl 50th which i love to see because it's like this super conservative has gone off on these crazy rants and he has to they all have to play nice with rob schneider which is like you know snl is like the most liberal show ever and they show they shove his ass in there i bet he was so uncomfortable yeah he went a little uh kooky patooky right oh yeah
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't keep up on the day-to-day. That Twitter will get you. It'll get you. You know, you have a few cocktails, you're in a hotel room alone, you start getting after it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, it's got Roseanne, too. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Let me get this guy a glass of cup of decaf. Have a Chardonnay or something. Salicus, your lady got a bottle thrown at her and you went after the guy. Oh. A rock, sorry. Salicus got a little fire in him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You can tell.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Whoa. How'd you get pictures of homeless guys?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You started just taking pictures of random homeless guys. I was like, is this him? Probably beautiful pictures, too, by the way. Yeah, he's good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's my trash can. I'm heating up an hour in. What's that guy? People of New York? Isn't there a guy who does hobos? Humans of New York? You can just say you're that guy. I was walking my dog with my wife about 9, 10 o'clock at night in my neighborhood. Saw three kids across the street, and you could just tell. It was like out of a movie. The one kid was afraid, so he was hanging back. Uh-oh.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The other kid pulled up. I think they're called the Shiesties. He pulled the thing up over his face. Oh, boy. And they were following a woman. And I'm like, the energy of this just isn't good. Yeah. But she didn't seem nervous. And then a bus pulled up and stopped, so I couldn't see. But they ran up and grabbed her bag or whatever. What? So I just hear her screaming, and I'm proud of her.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Well, he put a word in. Yeah. But he was nuts. He tried to fight a guy. He was crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I took off and fucking chased them. All right. I mean, I knew I wasn't going to catch them. Was it a fake chase where you put the effort in? I waited for the light. I waited for the crosswalk. What kind of dog you got? A dog that will bite them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But I gave the dog to my wife because I was like, you stay here. I'm with the dog. Damn. Is that him?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, shit. Yikes. The city's going to shit. I know. Look at this. No one cares. That's weird. They're just like, ah, Kanye's here. Yeah. I don't know. It looks so weird. Which is the least racist thing I've ever said. They don't look alike. Man, this city, I'll tell you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I was on the wrong leg.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's always going to be great, though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Was he Muslim?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think it came... I don't want to... Maybe I should bleep the name. But he said something and... was like, I'm Jewish. And he goes, oh, I didn't know you were Jewish. You fucking beep, beep, ba-doop, boop, boop. And he bought a Kanye shirt. And we're back. That's all. I mean, we kind of, because we do long runs. We do like a week-long run, like one-nighters back to back to back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Deserved to be locked up? Manhunter. Now, did you get a description of the guy?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay, so that helps.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wow. Oh!
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't know. He has. I've gotten the brunt of it. Like, I wasn't directly hit, but I was around it, and it hurts.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I thought she was sleeping.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. We were in college and a fight broke out in the stairwell. And there was like 10 people. And nobody would stop. The kids whose house was like, knock it off, knock it off, knock it off. I was down at the bottom. And somebody, he just went and got a fire extinguisher. It just... down the fucking thing, and everybody just was like, it just diffused the entire situation. Now that's kitschy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's what you need, Salicus. That's fun. That didn't hurt anybody. All right, I'm out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He's sending these pictures to his wife.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Give me a hit right on Rodney right there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, really? Even the gel? Not the gel? Go ahead and hit me on the We Might Be Drunk poster there. Can we get a shot of this? I got lunch after this. You're spraying it on a burrito. It's still pepper. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, we need content as we kill ourselves. I want to see this gel. Man, we got to walk by this. You got it. You'll be fine. You like jello. He sprays himself in the face.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Wait a minute. Okay. That's a great Bargetti line when he's like, yeah, he got maced or something. And they're like, was it mace or pepper spray? He's like, what kind of life would I be living if I could tell the difference? He's good. He's good. I think his first album that was. Oh, we're fucked.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, I got a whiff. Did you really? I got to fart and clear the air. Damn. Come on, Mark.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You're getting nothing. What are you guys, crazy? I'm deeply inhaling. I'm getting nothing. Come over here. It's pretty crazy. There's a guy walking around my neighborhood now who's just taunting women and just being like, you fucking dumb bitch, I'll kill you. But he's not doing anything illegal enough to where the cops could arrest him and prosecute him, so they're just not even arresting him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You sure he's not just doing crowd work? He's got a camera. Is that Jeff Dye? Having a bad day.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right. You see, it's the gel. Nice. There you go. So, yeah, the guy's taunting women. And they just can't arrest him. It's been about five weeks. Norman's like, I've never been to your neighborhood. It's been about over a month now, and he's been arrested once this week, and he's already back out on the street that same day. That's not illegal. I know. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
And we're living in these fucking sprinter vans with guys you don't know. Sometimes he's driving like four. I'll drive.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He tries to put cigs in kids' mouths and stuff like that. He says he's going to kill your dog. Oh, I just got a whip. Did you really? Yeah, I got in the throat. It's a bad hang.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No. You wish.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I don't have it yet. I got it in the throat. Unless I have COVID.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
If it's over, we'll just get, sometimes we'll just get a minivan. And if it's over, if it's under four, I'll do it. Yeah, that's. I like driving. It's fun. We'll do a podcast. And we all fall the fuck. These guys fucking suck. You put me in a car. He's out. I know, but you got to keep the driver company. That should be shocking. He's typically shotgun, man. But that should be the.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What about the peanut butter with the oil? Does that work for that? What peanut butter? You know the oily peanut butter? No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You don't buy that. You're a Jif man.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You just give it in your pocket?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I can't live without peanuts.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That might work. I'm not an allergy guy, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, it goes in and out. What were you saying?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No. I can't go a day without peanut butter.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's good protein. Oh, yeah. It's bad for you. It's bad for you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's true. That's my zin, is peanut butter. I just put it right here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Everyone loves zin. Everyone loves this shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah, they'll get you. Yeah. You've got to get you some healthy vices. See, the Nutella guy died. Yeah, you were the biggest Nutella guy I've ever met.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's no good for you. That's my N-word. Love Nutella. The guy who created it, guys? Yes. They spread his ashes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I think Mark's getting hit with that pepper spray.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Co-creator. Died on Valentine's Day. Helping develop Tic Tac, Kinder Chocolate, and Ferrero Rocher. Wow. Oh, shit. That's a little bit of cake.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Tic Tac.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's hilarious.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, I could go local for that kind of stuff. I had 1-800-Flowers and went local and felt pretty good about it. Yeah, go local. You got to go local. You're right. I went local. My guy got deported. He's gone. He's on a plane with a dozen roses in his hand.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That Tom Holman guy is terrifying. You see that guy? He's like the ice head. No. He's just yelling at people. I don't follow the news. Oh, man. He's like, we're going to come to your house. We're going to pull you out by your hair and kick you in the pants. That guy? That guy. Look at that guy. Yeah. That's wild. He's got a taffer energy about him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the, you know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay. Also, the amount that shirt's sticking out of the suit collar is a, whatever, tough look.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, we're fine. It was gel. Yeah, it was Joe. That walk-by is going to be rough. That's true. You know it's going to be bad. Well, Rachel's going to be like, smells familiar.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I like Taffer.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He does probably like 30% of them now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I really do like, I mean, the show kind of stinks and stuff.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
He's the first one out. He'll be out by the end of this. But so we're to bypass all of this for this tour that's starting as we're like today, we're buying a fucking big conversion van. And we're going to use that like we have one of our buddies is going to drive it. And we're going to use that as like a tour bus like that's in Detroit. What's a conversion van like with the captain?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's like all that fucking mixology shit. The one bartender was Johnny Tips. It's like a weatherman in L.A., dude.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Three bartenders were all on that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
All right? What are you doing? The best is the guy who tries to fight Taffer. He's like, I've been running this business for 30 years. You're not going to come in and tell me how to do it? I got my daughter. She's pregnant. She's on the fryer.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
The one that found a cockroach and the guy's like, you fucking planted that. He's like, what, you just walk in and there's a dead cockroach in the dining room? We've never had cockroaches?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's the producer in them. Yeah. Keep it going. Keep it going. Ramp it up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Who was his chef? I mean, that's just like what? That's just that industry. Chef culture. Great chefs. Yeah. Two British guys fighting. That might be at the top.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, this is the reality show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah? Yeah. Make sure they're rolling.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Whoa! Whoa! Take that, you limey! Welcome to America!
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, exactly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Suck my dick!
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
It's a twenty twenty four. Oh, OK. OK. Now we're talking. No way. No, not the Mitzvah tank. excuse me, sir, are you Jewish?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, he's set for life, that guy. I mean, I would eat there every day.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
You bitch.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Here's your omelet, dog.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Thank you. And then the Back on the Block tour starting March 8th in Pontiac, Michigan. Then we're going all through the Midwest. Indy, a lot of them are sold out, but Indy, Madison. Milwaukee. Milwaukee, Minneapolis. Then in April we got Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh and Cleveland, and then we're taking the summer off. Woo! You guys prefer a club? What do you guys do? Music venues?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We've cracked into theaters a little bit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We like some of the theaters. Love the Wilba. Theaters on a weekend. And if we're doing a week, then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday will be clubs. Good call.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, Punch-Up. Shout out to Danny.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Look at that. Cleveland sold out. Cleveland always coming through. We'll do the really good clubs. Like Cleveland, Hilarities, Hobbs.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I love that room. Great room. That's a classic. Tough to get to that bathroom, but yeah. Yeah, that bathroom's tough. That bathroom's rough. But yeah, we try to do the clubs that we really like and then theaters in the bigger cities. Hell yeah. All right, all right, all right. Uh-oh. The den. When does this come out? The den theater. Oh, second. Got it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'm building up. I'm almost done with the hour, but I'm doing the Adam Ray thing, the Dr. Phil in Chicago. So I said, fuck it. Let me go the night before and do the den. Great room. Great room. Love it. So I'll be doing the den. That'll be coming up. Might sell out. Atlanta's Casino in Reno, which is like Vegas' Downsy little brother. Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Then we're at the Nashville Ryman, Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville. Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, Ithaca, Reykjavik. Then we're going all the way to the U.K. and whatever that is. And, yeah, all kinds of stuff. Cardiff, Birmingham, London, Glasgow. That's where they'll stab you over there. There you go. Belfast, Rochester, Portchester, Albany.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, really? Really. Oh, get it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
No shit. Yeah, that's right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Two of the best. We love you. We love you guys. You guys are the best. I noticed you guys skipping Rhode Island. Hey. Hey. We're working on New England. Calcues, get the mace. Jail this pussy quick.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah, he's killer. You had Nate recently. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun. He was great. Yeah, he was fantastic. Oh, yeah. I mean, he came in and kind of broke the game. He just said yes to every question. Like, have you done this? He's like, yeah, I'll do that. Jesus Christ. Just don't fart on him. That's all I've heard. He hasn't been back since.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes. All right, boys. Thanks. Love you guys.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Thank you, everybody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
But think about it. These truck drivers, they're in the same world. They're all these driver guys. The truck driver just got busted for killing hookers. You see that? No. Yeah, pull that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
We loved that. This guy's everywhere.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Look at that. These are the last things I want to watch before we go on the road next week. This is why I fly. I don't like the bus.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I mean, those things are falling out of the sky. What is going on with this? As another one popped down, apparently. Today? It's the new school shootings. I'm calling it now. They're once a week, and I stopped caring.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I saw something. It was a girl who had, like... I don't know. This could have just been, like, you know, propaganda on X. I don't know. But they were... Which is most of it now, I feel. They said she had very low hours. Like over the co-pilot who was like an 80-year seasoned vet. I'm not one of these guys like, hey, women shouldn't fly planes. But it is weird to me that they hate it. I am.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What the fuck are we talking about? Well, they hate the women flying the plane. That's what's even weirder. That they hid the fact.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I guess so.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Deep cut. I like it. Yeah, yeah. The pilot shit is scary. Something's going on in the skies. Something is going on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
What the hell is this? The window crank is broken.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Sometimes they just fucking send you right up. We need Sully. We didn't know what we had. Yes. Sully was the man. That would never happen again, though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That was like a half-court shot at a basketball game. Got a big check. You ever hear him? He takes control. He's like, everybody shut the fuck up. Fuck off. No. Sit down. I'm landing this fucking bird in the river. And everyone's like, what the hell? He literally like. We need that guy with the salt and pepper.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah. Now, you see there's a spider bit a guy, bit a pilot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hey, folks, we're here. We're doing it. We're back in New York. It's 55 and sunny. It's glorious.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
DI is out of control.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That sounds like spirit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
I'd take the flight. That's crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Just get me to land. Great bit. Change your name when you get back to Manhattan.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Hey, look at this. Get in here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes, it's like guns. They say you're more likely to get killed in a pool. Then a gun. Really?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, that too. That too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Then you'll understand. Horrible shot. I'm pretty sure pools are the number one for family members. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Really? 100 times higher than a firearm. But yet no one has any pool protests. Interesting. They put the gates up. That's true. That's the safety.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
That's true. Very true.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
A gun, you could just get a gun. Hartman could have used a gun. Shot that lady. He got shot, right? No, no, pool. No, he got shot by his wife. No disrespect. Oh, wait. I thought he died in a pool. No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yes, tub. Tub on crack. No, get out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Yeah. I think that's about to be a strictly shower guy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Well, sometimes you save a buck.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
There's been times, I've said this before, there's been times where, like, because he's typically up so early, me and him, we'll hit the air... I don't want to miss the breakfast. We'll hit the breakfast, just me and him, like, outside of the group chat. We'll say, oh, you up? And then... There'll be times where nobody knows. You up is the hotel breakfast. Yeah. You up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
They got a waffle maker. Oh, I'm in business. And there'll be times where like no one's heard from him and like, you know, lobby calls like 10 a.m. and no one's. And I'm like. There's times where, like, we're 10. I'm like, man, I could have to go to the front desk. Oh, come on. Shipping his fucking fat ass home.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Sorry. Taft got stuck in the tub. Taft got stuck in the tub. Also survived the gun show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Breaking news. Plane crash.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 221: Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Okay. Huh. Yeah. Where was he swimming after he got caught? Is that breaking news? This just in 1979.