Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. We're talking blowing up a dinner and financial schemes, it's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h *Referral Reward Disclaimer: As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
Hachi machi gang that back on the block tour is coming to a city near you so grab the entire squad and come on out and see the boys stand up comedy and then we play a little are you garbage with the crowd it's a good good time yeah we got atlantic city san francisco second show out at portland seattle bray california burlington vermont boston atlanta charlotte raleigh richmond baltimore philly rochester and toronto all tickets available to are you garbage.com do
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition.
She's got the allergies acting up on her a little bit. Okay. She's got the chills. She's got the runny nose, a little bit of a high fever, the shake. She's sweating. Bloody nose. Sounds like the DTs. Yeah, I think that's what it is. Chained up in a radiator. Yeah, Ben and Gerling are going to fix that. My co-host is coming at you. He tagged you. You got a little too cocky.
He's the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify. And then things ain't doing too shabby. Yeah. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you sign up.
Now you get the last four years of bonus content, gang. You sign up this month, you get access to like, I don't know, fucking 500 episodes.
You're talking about the 14,000 strong army of garbage over there on Patreon. Shout out to the motherfucking army.
That's what I am talking about. Also...
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Chapter 2: What do Kevin and H. Foley think about restaurant etiquette?
It's the mother of my child.
Yeah. Listen, I'm a fat ass, but that's not really anything to do with it. I understand if they rush you a little bit, you know what I mean? If it's like real quick.
Like, hey, what do you guys want to drink? Also, let's get the orders in. That's crazy.
I mean, I'm usually, listen, listen. You know, listen, I know. I usually know what I'm going to get before I go in there because I've looked at the menu in the car or whatever. Yeah, it's also not hard to say everything. And also, too, I know where I'm at. You know what I mean? You stick and move.
Yeah, I stick and move a little bit, but there's usually not going to be really anything on the menu that's kind of like, oh, fuck, I didn't know that that was a thing. Sure. You know? My... You get one, right? Maybe. Wait. Okay.
Hold on. You're doing a lot of stammering and stuttering trying to get this out. Let me just try to see if I can. I'm trying to dance around this politically.
I understand. I don't want to offend anybody.
I understand. Let me see if I can get everybody. Let's see if I can get the homies and the bozos up to speed. Right? Let me go over the meeting minutes here. We have you and who out to dinner? Yeah. Okay. You, and was it a group or an individual? It was just us.
It's a group and an individual out to dinner. And the drinks had already been served and been sitting on the table.
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Chapter 3: How do they feel about bringing food to potlucks?
You are fat. I don't know how you got this fat. She's that bad of a cook. Yeah, it was that. I remember my mom was so like, what the fuck? Oh, you embarrassed her. I didn't. Kinda. Miss Grossman had the bad handwriting. Grossman was your Spanish teacher? Hola.
We had seen your Gant. Yeah, I don't think she's Spanish either. I think he was. Gant? Mr. Gant. He was something. He was something. He wasn't. I'm telling you. He had a bumping tan. Trust me. He was something, dog. I'm telling you. He spoke Spanish like the Dickens. Kitchen Spanish.
Man, that sucks. Patty with cupcakes, maybe. We didn't do it. Dude, I didn't like show. I didn't want to be the center of it. I don't want to fuck up. You take a big swing. You fucked it up. How was the rest of the meal?
I forget. You guys eat it in class?
Yeah. There was nothing like catching a lunch before lunch. That was the best.
Or right after. A little grazing. Yeah. One more minute, please.
Is it somebody's anniversary yet? You know, it's always an easy one. Chips and salsa. Yeah. That was always. Yeah.
Yeah, I always signed up for whatever. Even we went to a Super Bowl party. Five, whatever, a handful of years ago. And they were like, everybody bring something. And I'm like, I'll get chips. I'm not, like, making, like, Kippy's homemade guac or nothing like that. Like, I'm going with, like, I took the Subway to their place. I went into the bodega.
I bought, like, as I saw me and three other Dirtbag Comics in there, all my boys just buying the things they said. You coordinate that.
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Chapter 4: What are the funniest dining experiences shared?
That was always a good way for a younger classmate to get in with the cool seniors. I can restring that stick for you.
Is that what you were doing? I couldn't do that shit. You were giving him hand jobs probably in the back of the bus. Hey, listen, I don't know how to tie my own shoes, and I ain't good at restringing a stick, but I will sure put a working on your hog over there. I will throat coat that thing until we get to Neshaminy. Shout out to Neshaminy Mall. Of course. All right, let's see here.
This one's from Tom. Hey, gang, are you garbage if you wall mount your dust buster near your couch? I'll be goddamn if I have to get up and walk across the room after watching a game with some nachos.
I always thought that was such a fucking classy move. We didn't have a dust buster. My cousins had a dust buster, and they had it. It was in the kitchen.
The wall mount. The Ryans, Kellys, and Sullivans, the three of the families together, Have never mounted anything that was supposed to be mounted.
No, we've never successfully done that.
Never.
We were bad with the phones. Oh, yeah. That would come off.
I think the one phone came with the house, and then the second that got replaced, it went downhill. It was like, hang in. It was never right again.
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Chapter 5: Are shoelaces worth saving?
Like a boiler rooms game. You guys are doing a bump and dump. Bunch of landlines on the floor.
Copy machine.
These are the leads.
Yeah, for a while. That was always a sign of the real. I think once my mom saw that our one neighbor had that, she corrected it because they were like the trashy family. They had shit all over their lawn. I hate to break it to you.
You were also the trashy family. No, no.
Their kids always had the cherry stains around their lips. I never got that.
That kid's two front teeth were always too far apart, and there was no braces in sight either. That kid was not going to the orthodontist.
I think his one little brother was born with that shit. Blue raspberry just going around here. Fucking slurpy kid.
No shot. Yeah, we had a dust buster. That's pretty classy. Yeah, but it never worked, and the filter never got, like, it was, I think when they were doing well in the mid-'80s. Mm-hmm. There was some of that, like, my dad came home with a computer. It was like, what the hell is that?
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Chapter 7: How do they navigate conversations at dinner?
That and the kid that could string a lacrosse stick. He was always in hot commodity. Especially around lacrosse players. It was a big deal.
Yeah, that and then... Fuck, I'm drawing a blank.
That was always a good way for a younger classmate to get in with the cool seniors. I can restring that stick for you.
Is that what you were doing? I couldn't do that shit. You were giving him hand jobs probably in the back of the bus. Hey, listen, I don't know how to tie my own shoes, and I ain't good at restringing a stick, but I will sure put a working on your hog over there. I will throat coat that thing until we get to Neshaminy. Shout out to Neshaminy Mall. Of course. All right, let's see here.
This one's from Tom. Hey, gang, are you garbage if you wall mount your dust buster near your couch? I'll be goddamn if I have to get up and walk across the room after watching a game with some nachos.
I always thought that was such a fucking classy move. We didn't have a dust buster. My cousins had a dust buster, and they had it. It was in the kitchen.
The wall mount. The Ryans, Kellys, and Sullivans, the three of the families together, Have never mounted anything that was supposed to be mounted.
No, we've never successfully done that.
Never.
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