Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Rick Glassman! We're talking Magic: The Gathering, First Dates, and Pawn Stars. You know Rick Glassman from stand up comedy, Take Your Shoes Off podcast, TigerBelly, Bad Friends, Whiskey Ginger, Kill Tony, We Might Be Drunk, Good for You w/ Whitney Cummings, First Date, Soul Boom and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Blue Chew: Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code GARBAGE -- just pay $5 shipping. Liquid IV: Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://www.LIQUIDIV.COM and use code GARBAGE at checkout. True Classic: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What topics are discussed in this episode?
I'm 500 pounds.
Listen, he's the barometer. It can't be that hot. I mean, you also got a sweatshirt on. You got your goofy sweatshirt on. Were you at Disneyland last week? Fucking Disney adult over here. Welcome to the Thunderdome, Glassman.
I mean, I only see one guy who's goofy.
Can we get a little pair of headphones for Alvin, for God's sake? Goddamn broadcaster over here. He can be associate producer. Buddy, thank you for coming back. Here's a newsflash for everybody. If you haven't checked out Rick's episode, go back, do yourself a favor, check it out. One of the few that somehow, through some miracle, came up classy.
Yeah. Can you believe that? I can't. We had to have our research team go back and listen to the episode. And they said the verdict was classy, which I was astonished.
Came up classy. So we're going to rerun you through the test a little bit, because it's been a while. See if we can get you.
All right? I didn't realize that there was a— Bring in a dog, strike once. Mm-hmm. I didn't realize there was.
Put them on a dining room table?
Strike two. Strike two. Dining room table? Strike one. Do you guys watch the show Beat Bobby Flay? Yes, of course. The judges that come on, they really want to beat Bobby Flay. Mm-hmm. And it's like, I guess. I mean, it's a cook. I don't see. Sure. But it seems like you guys, I didn't realize, have an intention. We want to make sure we find them garbage. Of course.
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts feel about their notable alumni?
Chapter 4: What is the significance of the 'Are You Garbage?' test?
How do you go take a shower, all right? If you're going to wear it, could you at least, instead of spraying it on you, could you just walk through it? I don't like it.
Which is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to do a little here, rub you together.
I don't even believe this. Do a little on the neck. Just walk through it or spray it and wipe your shirt through it.
Give a hint. That's a Sebastian. You do five spritzes and walk through it.
I think famously Rosie O'Donnell used to do five. 40 spritzes. See if you can find. She would do like five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five. It was a wild combination.
I like to have a little on my neck here so when I do the hug, people know that I smell good. Especially with the no heaters.
Sure. With no heaters. We're off to SIGs. No SIGs. Oh, I thought. Got it. I thought you stopped playing baseball.
You ever smell a fat guy in the winter after he just had a heater and walked into a bar?
Eleanor Roosevelt, right? Who said that? I think it was Chamberlain. Will. Chamberlain Lee.
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Chapter 5: How does Rick Glassman feel about his high school experiences?
I was always very insecure with girls. You're talking to two studs over here.
Pick a looking kid.
You know, like, would they really want to go out with me? If they do, are they doing this to, like, make fun about me to their friends behind my back? Like, I didn't trust that they would— It's not a rom-com. Why would they like me? I had some experiences. Okay. But anyway.
When she's slobbing your knob. You won. Whether they make fun of you at a dinner party or not, you're getting your D sucked, man.
The reason I say this is it was that moment. It was just some decision I made because I was like. I masturbated to these people. And now one of them is like, you will masturbate to me? And now that moment, there's two moments in my life that I can remember where I became more confident in some type of sexual way. That was one where that happened. I'm like, oh, maybe girls do like me.
Maybe if they say they like me, they mean it. And I got a little bit more confident. And another one was when I was – I didn't get chest hair until college. And then I got chest hair. And that was like an awakening for you. I didn't think anything of it. I just got some chest hair.
And then I was dating a girl in college who went to a different college, and I went to her dorm, and the guys and the girls were on the same floor, separate wing. So I took a shower down the hall, and then I walked back to her room with a towel around my waist, but not covering my torso. Get the chest hair out. And she goes, get in the room. You have so much chest hair.
And it, like, that fucked me up for years. Oh, I thought you would have taken confidence in that. No, she was, like, tied. And I'm like, oh, is this should I be embarrassed? And I didn't even have a choice. The answer was yes.
This dumb broad man among boys.
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