Vogue Williams
Appearances
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me, with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I would always say, like you just did there, Joram, when, if you find out someone's cheating, like you're better off kind of just trying to stay out of it because you don't know if they know, you don't know how they're dealing with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I know, my problem is, right, that's fine if you're like, let's say he's secretly gay or something like that, that's fine. But the fact that he's actually, I know, but the fact that he's actually making her life miserable and be controlling over her, that makes me just think, do you know what, just because you're living a double life doesn't mean you have to fuck up and ruin someone else's life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
That's not fair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Or is it actually Polaroid?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I think that what you should do, I think if you have access to a therapist to try and talk through something like this, because this is like, this is like life altering. Ignore us. This is a life altering situation that once you pop the can on this, like there is no going back. Like once you...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
now I would personally go and tell my siblings as well and I'd have a conversation with them about it and if someone was being which I'm sure you're the same and you're in an awkward position because you're stuck between the two of them and God knows what your mom would do anyway if you told her but like if someone was being horrible to my mom like I just I'd lose my mind like I wouldn't be able to bear that do you know what I think I would do I'm just thinking about it here I'm processing the information I think I genuinely I think I would plant the seed in my mother's
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Oh, yeah. Oh, Ashley Madison.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
in one mouthful I know yeah I think yeah because it's going to change their entire family dynamic like it's just it's like when you hear people that have been living double lives like that but like where they have double families and stuff like that and then the whole thing just blows up and it's it's just you have to be very careful god it's a real awkward one
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, to be honest, if he was being a dick and he's being real sly and horrible, yeah, I probably would rat him out. But you need to be protective of your mom because that's going to be really difficult for your mom. That's why maybe talk to a therapist and find out a really good way to do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I'd get all your screen grabs. I'd save all your information and get yourself a hard drive and put it all on the hard drive or the cloud, wherever Joe says to put it and save all that. So at least you have everything documented because he's going to go and now delete everything and all that kind of stuff. And then at least you'll have all the evidence that you need.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
And then you can go and talk to your mom.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Jesus Christ, I'm going to go have a drink now for sure.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
That's after 30 years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, we would actually like you to feedback and good luck with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Forget about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Start a new life. I'm always sure that we do good advice because when I ring you and you give me advice, I'm like, that's good advice. And then I give you good advice, but maybe it's just all shite advice. We don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
It's unbelievable. I got one of them for my kids last year. Not slagging or anything. It's only because I wanted them to do a little scrapbook on holidays. And I was the same.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Oh, yeah. I would absolutely love to watch what she's choosing to print off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Can I give you my two opinions of where I got to when you said I'll tell you later? First of all, I said to myself, is she after getting herself a printer? And then I was like, fuck, that's stupid. What the hell is Joanne going to use a printer for? And then I thought, that girl doesn't like cleaning. Is it a hoover that goes around your electric hoover? A robot hoover.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
When I eventually lose my mind because I take on too much and my mind is starting to fade away. So when I eventually lose the plot completely, I'm going to go through all of the photos on my phone and all the videos and delete the ones I don't want and then put the other ones into, what is that thing called? A large USB. Hard drive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
a hard drive that's the one I'm gonna get a hard drive you wanna put them in the cloud you don't want a hard drive what if the house burns down you've lost it they're in the cloud they're in the cloud already they're in the cloud and I buy extra cloud space but I think oh so I don't need to do the hard drive shit no mate it's in the cloud fuck that I don't know what I'm gonna do then I'll hold off on the nervous breakdown I can't relate to the cloud any cloud anymore I print things off now like a hipster look at them they're polaroid photos yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Will I ever forget Mufasa? Mufasa is what I see there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Okay, and I'm not trying to be negative at all. We do have to move on. I'm going to give it three and a half weeks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Jo, how long are you giving the Polaroid thing? I'm giving it three and a half weeks before it gets locked somewhere. And that's only because she likes it so much. Maybe three and a half weeks is too much. I'd say mid-May. It's the 25th of April when we're recording this. I'm going mid-May. I'll lose it before my mom's birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I got a Kodak one, 80 quid. And it's the same thing. It might even be cheaper on the old printy paper, by the way, because I went for the best deal on Amazon. On Amazon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Isn't it hash or something? I think raisins are the devil's droppings because they're so disgusting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Any news from either of you? I have pretty big news, actually. Oh, oh. So I'm not pregnant. And Joanne's like, thank fuck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
That is a desperate picture of yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Balance. Okay, so I did, you know, Bareby Vogue is in Boots UK now. And so we're trying to be like, we're trying to infiltrate the UK a bit more with the tan. And I went outside to go to my shoot today because we were doing a shoot. And I'm on a taxi. I'm on a black taxi. The whole thing is wrapped and bared by Vogue. Oh, that's fun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
get a sharpie no dicks please no dicks thank you I'll go on no I'll tell you the last I'll tell you the last day of it right I'll tell you the last day when the taxi's gonna be around and then any dick you want okay anywhere you want dicks everywhere please but until then leave it alone leave it alone and admire
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I don't I don't oh you're saying as in when the when the when the and the last hour of it being wrapped dicks everywhere I'm happy with that don't don't don't mind I mean the taxi driver mightn't be too happy but we'll deal with that but yeah so that was my big news I was kind of surprised to see that that's great that's great news Otto came out and saw it and was like is that mama mama bye mama oh my god you must show me where it is and I'll go down and get a photo and then print it off on my little Polaroid machine haha
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
and add it to the collection she loves it so much I love where you go I'm like a wild I'm a wildlife photographer that's how I feel get the pigeons on the balcony you're into what's it what's it called nouriture what's it called bird watching twitching No, narature or something like that. What's the word?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Ornithology. That was the one I was looking for. Ornithology.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Ornithology. Ornature. I said ornature. I wasn't that far off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
You lose all of them, Joanne. You've been away in New York. They're in New York now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I'm in Nottingham on Thursday. When are you in Nottingham? What? You're in Nottingham? I'm in Nottingham. Imagine you were there on Thursday. If you're there on Thursday, I'm going to your gig and you give me left home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Can I just tell you, while you're in Copenhagen, that is where I'd be picking up the sperm. Oh, I know. You'd be mad not to get the sperm while you're there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
What are you doing? Nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Now, that's not why I'm going. I'm obviously going to. Do you know what? This is how badly I like a bargain. Like, I'm like, do you know, it's probably cheaper over there. Grab me some while you're there. I don't even want it. But like, if it's cheap, I'll take it. So I'd even be like, what's this in the fridge? I'd be like, nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Joanne just taking herself to whichever room she fancies. Just while I'm on the move.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
You've loads of stuff here, by the way. You've got about four packages. I was actually going to come down later. And a huge thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Oh, yeah, that's not actually here. Sorry. No, that's gone. I don't know where that went, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
No, I've lost it, actually. I've lost it. Listen, if things... Things get lost within the postal system. I can't be held accountable for that. I once lost... I sent my auntie...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
a Hayley Menzies cardigan I was being really nice because she gives me nice gifts I was like I'll get her a Hayley Menzies cardigan and I posted it to her and she didn't get it and I was like that real bitch hasn't thanked me and then I text her and I was like did you ever get that cardigan and she was like no and she's like I would have thanked you for it five months later it arrived back at my door
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I was like yes magic happened oh thank god you got it back I know but like five months later I was like right well that's gone and yeah so there you go there is a lot of honest people in this world there is indeed music
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Joe will be locked later. Okay. Hi there. I would like to stay anonymous and would appreciate your advice on this. My parents have been married for over 30 years. I recently found out that my dad has accounts on gay and swinger websites. Oh, yeah. Okay. I told you. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Do you know what? There's very few times in life that I say to myself, thank God my dad's dead, but this would be one of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Do you know what? That would not surprise me. That's what men are like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Okay. And has been actively cheating on my mom for years. In his bio, he mentions he's married and that his wife doesn't know. One particular meetup was not even a month after my grandmother, mom's side, had died suddenly. I have all the receipts, but no idea what to do. Nothing. Nothing. I don't want to break my mother's heart, but I do agree she would be better off without him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
He's a controlling and passive aggressive man. Oh, well, that's different now. You see, I was on the same page as you for a second. But yeah, okay. He hates to see anyone happy, so always brings people down. I hate to think of the pain this has caused for my mom because throughout the years, he has broken her confidence down and isolated her. She literally does everything for him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I have other siblings I know I should say it to, but I'm afraid. He's a very angry man, and if he knew I was the one who snooped and told, I don't know how he would react. I'm currently living with my parents, so I feel like, oh God, you're living with them. Please help Anon. I mean, that's a really serious situation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I'm writing that down. That's actually just good. That's a good argument tactic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Oh my God. I think I was seeing this lad. Go on. Honestly, I swear to God. Go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I was seeing a lad who was like, you're not affectionate enough. And I was like, you're riding other women. We're not exclusive. And you want me to be what? Fucking rubbing your back on the couch. Yeah. No, thanks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
What do you think happens when you die? Apart from you losing your hair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Trust your gut. He's triggering your nervous system. This is all that this is. Your nervous system is heightened. You need to calm it down. You feel like he's the person who can help you calm it because he is because you've given him that power. He's checking your knickers. Get the fuck out of this. It's wrong.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
You need a break forever, actually. Any lad who's stepping in and stopping you getting your fucking education, no. Take it as your two elderly aunts. This lad is, I don't like the sound of this at all. Checking your knickers? Fuck off. No, out. Out, out. Go get your education, cultivate your life, build yourself. No. De-escalate all this shit. Get out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Concerning red flags. And do you know what? I went out with a lad, I went out with a lad once and if ever I posted anything online where it was like potentially flirty or I had like a neck exposed or something, he'd kick off. And it's really, it's very telling. It's very telling. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Yeah, and Vogue knows this. I went out with a lad who stopped me training with someone because he was like, these men, they will never change. That is what they are. They are controlling, insecure, weird and dangerous. Get the fuck away. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. We adore you and we'll see you soon. Keep sending your emails to hello at mtgmpod.com.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Jo, that was really long-winded. We'll have to edit that down. Anyway, Vogue, back to yourself and myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
You never... You kind of never look like shit, though. Like, your shit... isn't that shit I would say he looked very well put together though very well put together I kind of was you've got a great base you've got a great base like yeah you're working with good structure I would say yeah There's nothing worse. When you meet your ex, you want to look like a knockout.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
He was a situation, we would say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Don't let them know you've got bowels or a bladder. They don't need to know that information.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Thank you for your urinary etiquette lesson. We are thrilled to have it. Thrilled to have it. You are welcome. A kind, a kind sir. Thank you. What we need to get you is a catheter. It's one of those words I can't pronounce. A catheter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
We're trying to make you relatable, Vogue. Jesus, she does not make this easy. Fucking does not make this easy. My caviar's just arrived, sorry. She's like, my staff have just come in with my... I'd say she eats fruit out of people's mouth. Like, I'd say they kind of drop it in, like, what was that bird we were talking about that chews up food and spits it in their partner's mouth?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
We heard you punch them in the face, Vogue. We all heard it. What was the delay? I ordered it three minutes ago.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
You're just there with your fucking hair, looking at us, judging us and telling us what to do. We don't appreciate it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
oh I love tell him to come over and show us the speedos I love seeing him in the pool he's delighted with himself oh my god he's like look at me look at me it's like having a child in the pool Fucking hell. I'm looking at you, Brandon. Yeah, that's great. He's 50-odd. I'm like, that's fantastic, bro. That's great. Look at you there with your pool noodle doing your handstands. Thrilled.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
No, I have a pool noodle, yeah. Pool noodle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Interestingly, no. But like I say, I've extended the stay, so we don't know what will happen. It's a security issue if you get an inflatable, supposedly. You're more inclined to drown. Well, not in a pool. Remember we were talking before about all the women of the 80s who died on lilos because they just floated out and were never seen again. It's the creepiest shit I've ever heard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Honest to God. I don't like to. Were you there? I know. Pressed you my authority. I'm telling you now. I'm telling you now. So Google that shit. These women disappeared. It was a, it was a, it was a, it was an epidemic. Women in the 80s when Lilo's were invented, women were lying down, trying to tan, falling asleep, drifted out, never seen again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Imagine us floating to death. Honestly, it makes me feel sick. Anyway, go on. Emails. Let's go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I did, actually. Have you noticed I'm going grey?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Ooh. Ooh. Let's go Grindr drama. Because he is a red flag. So that's answered. Let's go Grindr drama. And so is she. He is a red flag.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
But fine. We can indulge this, but yes, he is. And also, I will say... You'll be incredibly happy together for a minute. So am I, and so was Joe. Like, no one's flagless. No one is flagless. Okay, hang on a second.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I wouldn't... I don't know. I've never been in a relationship with you. But... You only know the red flags before. As your friend, business partner, and confidant... Hold on till I get my notebook. I've actually been waiting for this moment for two years. Thank God. She's finally asked me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Every human being is a... Like, what are you looking for? I want to know. Tell me one thing about myself. Tell me one thing that makes me red flag. Okay. Well, I would say, as spectacular and gorgeous as you are, I would say... Jo's staring at me now. Me and Jo, we go to a group every Wednesday to talk about... No, I would say... You are... You are... I would say...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
driven it's driven to a I say problematic level because I don't oh I have no chill that's okay yeah there you go I agree I agree yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's no off switch with you like you're writing up power points in your sleep it's just you're always on you're always on and remember we spoke about the value of remember I was like downtime is good for like creativity it's good to be bored and let your mind wander but you don't do that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Do you? Because women are attracted to power, success, wisdom, age, all that shit, it doesn't bother us as much, whereas men are drawn to fertility. So if you have grey hair, their brain starts ticking and they're like, this woman isn't fertile. So it stands against us, but it adds to them because they're like, oh, we're like, oh, they have more resources because they're old and grey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Yeah, fair. That's fair. Like, that's a smart observation. If you had not seen that at this stage, I'd be like, another red flag for you is that you're fucking blind. I am disorganized. And you are highly organized. So my disorganization is, like, highlighted compared to you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
all split in the middle is literally drow okay I'm glad we got through that part of our relationship without fighting but but you know what I would you know what I will say though as I know you're like highly um what would you say highly charged what's what's the word when they're like um sorry I guess I think as someone like yourself who's like as organized as you are and I'm gonna you know you're
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Vogue, if we were going out, I'd be buried in the patio at least by six months at the start. She'd fucking murder me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
If someone had told me her vagina's as big as her mouth, I would never have gotten involved. I don't have the time or the tongue to do this. It's a shit show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
yeah everyone's mad about him they're all posting about him he has his full grey hair like Joe and he's absolutely like right up my street it's sexy on men life is but not on women life is viciously unfair Joe have you anything to say about that sorry the discrepancy between the genders have you anything to say bloody sexism if you ask me mate good man Joe what's the meaning of life do you believe in God Joe do you believe in God no not really no not day to day
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I love that this person doesn't need advice. They're just telling us what they're going to do. They're just like, this is what I'm doing. The decision has been made.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
We, We've no long game. We're too reaction, like we're very reactionary and very emotional. So we just, yeah, I know. We're like straight in kicking in the bedroom door. What the fuck is this? Who the fuck is Carol? Yeah. Standards. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Who the fuck is Carol? I think that might be the name of my memoir. Who the fuck is Carol? Anyway, sorry. Are we advising this person or not? No, they've got it all under control, but we would like to hear you get on. So one of my mates was telling me the other day he was going out with this guy, like really properly going out with this guy. He is also a guy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
And they were in a relationship and the guy that he was going out with was the one who like made it official as such. He was like, I don't want to write anyone else, like let's go out. And my friend was like, okay, let's go out, fine. And he was mad about him. And he said he just got this weird notion in his head that That your mom was fucking around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
So we went on Grindr and exactly like that, found, he put in the area. So your mom was like down the road from, put in the area and this torso, like faceless thing popped up and he asked him a couple of questions and realized it was him. And yeah, it was him. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
The gas thing is, and it's so, when you think about it, like quite embarrassing, but like I've been cheated on and everything in my body, my whole body was like, I knew my whole body knew I was being cheated on. But when I confronted him, he denied it. And because I want to, I just wanted to believe him. You wanted it to not be true. Yeah. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
So I just, I believed him, but like, I didn't believe him, but I was like, okay, he told me enough. He told me enough lies that I can now stay honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I'm I can justify staying but like I knew you know when you know you know your body knows you always know if you haven't your body knows it's usually true yeah yeah yeah the lesson is trust your instincts they're not witchy woo-woo bullshit they are you're reading a situation with your eyes and yourself okay next okay is he a red flag hi Joanne folk and Joe
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I love you, but I don't agree. I think this man needs someone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yes. And get a neck tattoo. I think that, yeah, I think she's kind of nudging him though. And I think that you've got to be kind of nice about it. It was like Spenny used to have that thing about his hair. Like his hair is not that bad, but like he has that fear as well. But I just think you have to be really careful about it because it's such a touchy subject.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I'd probably cut it off now. If Spenny started going around with a comb over, he'd hear a buzzing in his sleep and it would be me shaving it off. I'd have to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Oh, did you make best friends with her for us?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
The bun is kind of like, I don't know, maybe he's keeping the bun because he has that bit of hair. And if he's got long hair, it might feel like he has more hair. Maybe, maybe Joanne's right. Maybe just keep trying to nudge him or just chop it all off. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Oh, God, no. Is that how marriage works? I thought that was kind of how the whole thing worked. Six? I don't know. The man is losing his hair, Vogue. Just say one. Like, don't offer, don't show all your, if you're going to just give one. Six, Joanie. Might as well offer endless anals.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
One anal. Sorry, Emily, you've just come on board. Sorry, we call Joanne anal queen just so you'll... Don't you dare vote. Don't you dare.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Thanks so much for listening. I really hope my mom catches the end of this episode. This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Oh yeah, don't worry. I've been expecting. We're starting a podcast called... Fuck You Vogue. Have you been listening to Fuck You Vogue? It's really good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I love that episode of what the fuck does Vogue Williams even do? Yes. Does she even do anything? No job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Where did you go? Like, we need this. Come on. This is great Friday goss.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
You should have left that show, you stupid bitch, and said, Vogue, Vogue, I'm going out with Amy Liu. And I would have said, you know what, Joanne, I'm in my pyjamas, but I'll get changed and come out. But no, not a sniff. And I'm telling you, when I meet someone real good and real famous, I'm going to say, I'm going to actually get their phone and block you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Okay. I did think that was a bit far-fetched. Yeah. So tell us where you went. I want to know what establishment you went to. Where does Amy Lou drink?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
OK, I've actually... You're probably scared her off then. I think she won't. Text her. Text her there and see if she writes back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I can't even think you I could. I can't top that. OK, fine. OK, who could I who could I bring back?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Sorry, I love that you just threw the thirst at me. I did, yeah. Because she hasn't come back at us. You're like, Vogue can take that shame.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Oh dear. Well, Joanne, I don't know if you remember, but next week I'm going on holidays to St. Barrett's, a celebrity full of bursting at the seams, full of celebrities over there. I'm going to go and hang out with Paul McCartney. I've seen him in the waves. In the waves of the sea, I've seen him there. From the Beatles. Paul McCartney. That's the level I'm going at. Who cares?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
And Stella McCartney will give me free clothes then. And I'll tell her not to gift you any more Adidas stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Girls, it's been a really nice chat, but... Oh God, 11.11. Quick, hang on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
It's not being spiritual. I just want stuff. Oh. Sorry. If you choose to ignore 11-11.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I don't know who made it up, but I'm like, oh my God, crap. I didn't even think about what I wanted to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah. That's what I wish for things for other people. I meant for you. It doesn't matter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Tina Fey. Oh, I'd hide them from you. I'd be like, oh, sorry, I didn't know you were around, Joanne. Yeah, I was just in my house having a dinner party. I actually didn't even, like, you'd be outside the door collecting packages and I'd hide them upstairs and be like, oh, sorry. Didn't even think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
What do you think I just 11-11'd? Will you wait, bitch?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Joanne refuses to call Battersea Battersea. She has to call it Battersea. Battersea. Battersea. Anyway, anyway, I have news, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
And there's no coming back from it. I love that, like, you know that that is possibly something that could happen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah. Oh my God, Joanne. Enjoy yourself. You love chocolate. Try this mushroom chocolate. No, we'll do nothing. No, that's just what it's called. You'll love it. You'll love it. And then I'll mail Amy Lou later on and be like, listen, I'm really sorry about my friend.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Fair play. I'll take the challenge. It's Friday. Okay, I've really good news and I think it's going to really brighten up your day. Oh, okay. Spenny and I went to view a house yesterday and it was shite. Went to view a house yesterday, it was shite. Okay. And then, because the estate agent was like, I know the perfect place for you to live.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I had sent pictures of this place to Spencer in Clapham when I was working in a house in Clapham and I was like, I love this road. I want to live here. And the woman brought us to a house on that road. It's a complete kip. You can't keep one single thing about the house, but it is the greatest house I have ever seen. And I really want it. What? I know. I know. Clapham.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Well, listen, it's all going on in Clapham. I thought you were moving east.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Jamal Maloney's hanging with famous people now, damn it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah, well, I kind of, you know, when you go and see a house and you're meant to pretend you don't like it so you can get it for like a little bit less. I fucking ruined it. Ruined it. I was running around that house being like, this is my... Wet yourself. I was ringing my builder in the house with the estate agent. I was like, Sam, Sam, look at this. What can we do here? I ruined it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
So I'm going to have to pay full price, I'd say. That's very exciting. I know. Well, no, it is exciting, but I haven't sold my house and I also haven't even put an offer in on that house because I haven't sold my house. Oh, come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Do you want to shut up? Someone will try and come and rob me thinking I actually have that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
sell one of the kids get that house I sent Spenny up to collect my bike yesterday this is like because no one ever has cash right no one ever has cash I sent him up with my card my bank card to buy my bike and he went to buy it and he was like do you think I can just tap that much money for a bike and I was like yeah he's like you can't tap above 100 quid without a pin I didn't know that so you're thinking you can tap your phone up to anything you want yeah but not your card yeah yeah I learned a valuable lesson yesterday but I got a free bike
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
From the girl in the vinyl trousers. I'm assuming you were wearing vinyl trousers. I was wearing a backless slutty jumpsuit with disco buns.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Joanne, I said the exact same thing. I thought I actually could really do with this bike. Do you see all the different colours you can get?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I'm getting a basket for mine. I'm going all in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
You're not going to fold it yourself. Is Dora going to fold it? Oh, I'll find someone along the street to fold it. No, I'm definitely not folding it myself. But what I will say to you, sometimes you could be cycling and you could say to yourself, do you know what? I've had enough. I don't want to cycle anywhere. So you could fold the bike up, get in the tube. Done. I didn't. Oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Are we going cycling in Battersea Park on our foldable bikes?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
No, it'll stay erect. It'll always be up. It will never be folded. But still, if... I'm so glad you're on board. Great. Yeah. You can wear your harness on it too because once we've gone foldable bike, we might as well go all in. And you don't even need to wear a helmet to foldable bike because it's not a real bike. Bring your selfie stick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I'm not even jealous. Can we do some listener emails?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
This is meant to be a bonus. It's turning into a main. Oh my God. A listener has emailed to tell you that on the 21st of November, 2024, Chelsea Handler did a podcast interview with Sharon Horgan. Let's not go too far on that now, Joanne. We've already frightened her away. That's it. The gasp was enough, okay? Oh my God, I'd love to listen. Tell me more.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
No, I'm not telling you more because we can't have a love in it on Sharon again. We're going to frighten her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Okay, listener emails. Hello Vogue and Joanne, I love your pod so much. Thank you. I'm writing because I need your help. My fiance, who I love so much, is going bald. And to make matters worse, he still has a man bun. What?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
joined them together in a man bun I think he's just pulling it all back and there's like like lines of hair God love him God love him it was all grand when we met five years ago and he had a good hairline but now not so much back then he always said if he ever started bawling he'd shave it all off well that time has well and truly arrived and I've been gently suggesting a haircut for the past six months I've said everything short of babe it's time to go short because I'm getting the ick
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I feel like I need to spell it out. I just hate the thought of knocking his confidence. He's such a good guy, but honestly, I don't want him to end up like the comic book guy from The Simpsons. That's who I actually thought of. Oh, it's a hard one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
So what do they do? It doesn't work for all men either. Sometimes you do just have to say goodbye to the hair. Like you can go on tablets and stuff like that, but sometimes it's just not going to come back. It's a terrible thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Oh, I think you've got a few little issues going on there, not just the one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I think the partner of four years isn't really rocking your boat anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
No. And I think that if you're wanting to sleep with your child's dad all the time, that kind of shows you that you're not getting what you want from your relationship that you're currently in. And even though you don't want to be alone and it is scary to be alone, I don't know if it's right to stay there for both of you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, I know, but it's also a situation that she wants to marry him and that's her child's dad and that would be like the, that, that, if that turned into a happy ending, I'd be really happy to read that book.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I thought Joanne was talking about her origami penis again. Remember you told that story? The origami folded in. I think about that a lot, actually. Whenever I hear the word fold, I'm like, Joanne...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
and confrontation is shit but sometimes and I say this as someone who is allergic to confrontation it actually makes me feel physically sick in my stomach sometimes you have to do the right thing suck it up and tell him you just have to and do you know what you might be lonely for a period of time but it will in the end it will work out the way it's supposed to and you never know it might give your man the child's dad a kick up the arse to change his ways I don't know if that will happen by the sounds of him
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I mean, that is always, yeah, but if you're going to, so you have to tell the partner for years, first of all. And then you need to talk to the child's father and say, listen, I'm actually, I'm still in love with you. And like, this isn't, yeah, this isn't going to be good for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
So, and then he knows, like I'm sure he does know, but then he knows, knows you will feel like you've done as much as you can and then you can move forward.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I think that's the gallon, right? Yeah, that's what the expensive ones are. We'll get a place on Harley Street, will we? We can charge 400 an hour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
That's it for the bonus. Thank you everyone for listening. We'll see you for the main on Friday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'm not getting into dreams either, but I feel like you should know this because I had a sex dream about one of your good friends. Oh, okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I haven't even told him about it. I think it was when he mentioned the Speedos or something. And then that night, all of a sudden, I'm in a bath with Brandon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
You were talking about his little tight little things that he was swimming in or something like that, which I wouldn't usually be attracted to. But obviously that day I was because I went to bed that night and found myself in a bath with Brendan.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I think when you're happy, it kind of comes from within. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Do you know what I will say? You look a lot better than me with no makeup on because you don't have the black eyes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
That's why I got up at seven this morning to put the makeup on. I was like, I better not be turning her on. We're trying to work here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
You are starting to smell like fish as well. There's no need for that, folk. There's no need to go into that. Was she eating tuna or was she back with Dr. Ewan? I don't know. There's no need to accuse a woman of smelling like fish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, thank you so much for asking it, Joanne, because that gives me the opportunity to tell people that we're recording a new Flexi programme and that's why I have makeup on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
it's below you ah come on that's not below me come on it's below sorry you're right you're right it's not below you I know we talk about our faces and stuff but I came back to Dublin I went straight in to see Katrina at the Institute of Dermatology and I'm like Spencer wait till you see me now when I get home wait till you see me I'm gonna look great you're gonna die you're gonna die I got my brows done as well I'm literally waltzing home thinking I'm gonna yeah I did yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I guess it's just because I'm so sporty now I'm just kind of burning through it because I'm in fitness because I'm in fitness yeah because I'm in fitness I would have had that flexi up fucking just get me involved well I've tried to get you involved and then I'm like Joanne where's your bands and now I'm trying to get Joanne she's actually into it last night I was like do you want to start we'll train together once a week really heavy weights we'll do really heavy weights once oh do you remember that I don't I actually don't the only someone that had kicked in at that point what did I commit to
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
You were really excited about it. I've already looked into prices for our new trainer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, we're going to do it. It's a gym in Victoria. He's a really good trainer and we're going to go once a week and it's going to be our bonding session.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Oh, I haven't done it. Do you know what? I think that you forget that I looked at my phone last night at half ten and I was like, and I turned my lights off immediately. So I wake up at quarter to seven because I'm frightened by the time I've gone to bed. I've had a full nearly eight hours sleep. I'm okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, but it's because you had a Negroni last night. When I had a drink and I read my book, I told you that I forgot about like six pages of the book and I read them again. I was like, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I think that's actually, I think that's the road you're exactly about to go down. If there was a road called go insane and start tweeting mad shit, that's where you're, you've just turned right onto that road.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Okay, well then we're safe. I'd much prefer your man from Bridgerton. Makes me sad. Yeah, lovely. I'm going to get my hands on him. Lovely. Okay. I realised the other day that I am silver tier in Aer Lingus, which means I now have access to the lounge.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I paid my wage. I bought enough flights. And I stored my points unlike somebody I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
You'd be platinum. You wouldn't even be cold. You'd be platinum.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I couldn't believe my luck my mom told me about it I actually didn't even realize and in I waltzed and then I got in there and I was like shit I actually need to make a phone call a private one so I had to leave again but I was in there I didn't get anything but like I know it's there now sorry let the record show
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
No bother to me. I'm going to go to the airport at 6am tomorrow morning. It's not till 2. Go live from there, will you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I was only in and out. Yes, I didn't even get a free Coke Zero or anything. I just went in and I had to go straight back out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
There's free booze. I got some of those spicy rice crackers because that's all I had time to grab. But there's free food. There's a full bar.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I fly. I'm a frequent flyer. A frequent flyer who is not a silver member.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'll see if Amber has one. You'll definitely get away with hers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'm not. I had to pay for that from all the flights that I've taken. I'm not in with them. I don't get anything. I do now. I do now with my silver tier. Right. Crackers, would you believe? Look at you. What a baller.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, hello. Someone's doing okay. Did you ever hear Deirdre O'Kane's joke about when she flew business once and she was like, I changed my walk. As soon as I walked into the Arlingas, I was like, head high, nose in the air.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I know they have shortbread too. Little mini shortbread crackers. They'd look great if you have a friend staying. You could put them beside their bed as a bedtime treat. Perfect. What do they call it? A party favourite? No, a bedtime favourite. A bedtime treat. A turn down. A turn down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, when Brendan's ever saying, will you let me know, I'll come over and give him a bedtime favour. He'd be thrilled. I haven't told him that. He's going to hear it for the first time on this pod. I was like, it's too weird.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
That's why Joe doesn't like to be in studio with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I've tried it, Joanne. I've tried it myself. Don't bother. Hi girls and Joe. Long time listener. Absolutely love the pod. Thank you for making me laugh so much. Please don't judge me. I don't think anyone is in a position to judge anyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
They won't know what hit them. Shut up, they might take it back off me. She's taken all the optics and all the furniture out of the lounge as well. I'm going to start riffing the seats off the plane and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
My mom and Neil are like platinum. I don't know what they, I think they've been stealing my points.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Okay. Background. I've been with my partner four years. Not met his family. We've spent... Ooh, that's a long time, isn't it? We've spent one whole weekend together in the four years and I've never cooked him a meal... I've asked numerous times and he just doesn't want me to cook. That's not the worst.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Oh wait, offensive because I'm a brilliant cook. Yes, it's weird. He comes round on evenings and within a couple of hours he's asleep. I've checked his phone numerous times and there's nothing. I did take his virginity and I'm his first relationship.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
So I've had enough. We've had numerous arguments about all of this. Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that last kind of fatal line. Go on. And nothing changes. So I've ended up kind of sleeping with my child's dad on and off. And I'm loving the excitement and it has put a spark back into my life. My child's dad and I are like best mates, but he just can't commit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
But I'd marry him tomorrow if things were different.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I just can't cut the relationship off with a long-term boyfriend. I hate being alone, but I know I'm being awful. Please give me advice and tell me how to break this off. I hate confrontation. And this is not like me at all, but hey, here we are. Please keep being on for obvious reasons and tell me straight what and how I do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Even I like to be kept up to date on that. I had a weird sex dream about someone last night. That's just reminded me. The most random person. Anyway, moving on. Was it me? I wish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
do you ever wake up though and you're like I actually felt like a creep I was like oh my god why was I thinking those things was it a girl or a boy girl or a boy no it was a boy but I was just doing odd stuff now to be honest interesting I have to tell Sven about that actually because it's so funny who it was
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Anyway, I was at day three with this guy who was the reddest flag, but I really only wanted something casual. So I was putting in the time. I knew I'd go back to his that night. So it was a done deal. The reason I have to tell you about this is because when we got back to his, the conversation turned almost immediately to the size of his penis. Mad, right?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I mean, you should have asked before you went back. But anyway, we don't know how this is going to turn out. The reason, oh no, hang on. He's really muscular and built. And before he'd even poured me a drink, he was building me up for the big reveal. Except the language he was using was hilarious. Oh, go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Oh, I see. That's so interesting because it's so, your phone must have been hacked because when he sent the baby pictures through and you commented on how cute the baby was, that must have been a hacker. That was Lauren.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Girls, tell me, has a man ever revealed his penis to you consensually and described it as deceptively big? Deceptively big. I shit you not. Basically telling me that if I thought it was small, I was wrong because my eyes were lying. Incredible. I had sex with him and can confidently say I'll never see him again. It was deceptively bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Is that what she's saying? Yeah, I was trying to say to her, oh, I know that you think it looks small, but it's big. But there are people who are growers, not showers. And that is true. Oh, 100%. So...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Have you ever seen anyone's balls when they're on the roids? They're literally like vaginas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
sorry to that sorry to that woman for having to go through that and sorry to that man for having to live through that I feel bad for him as well like it'd be hard to be well do you know what people slag the size of my boobs all the time and it doesn't and now when I say it doesn't bother me I did get on to Dr. Ewan the other day and I was like is there anything I can do that's not surgery and he was like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
No And I was like Come on there must be something I can eat There must be something And he was like You can do fat transfers And I was like No that sounds painful I don't want to do it So actually I think Even though people Would you not gift yourself A set of tits for your birthday?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
The thing about it is And I've unpacked this with myself Because obviously I wish That I did have slightly bigger boobs Because I think they'd look nicer In a bikini But then on the flip side I like the way they look in a top When they're not massive boobs Yeah they're I think I'm going to invest, I thought, I'm going to invest in really good chicken fillets for my bikini.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
And then just, you know where there's a little slot where, well, you probably don't because you've got decent sized boobs, where you put in the padding anyway. Take out that padding and put in the chicken fillet padding. So that's my, you won't even know me when you see me in Spain.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
yeah we can definitely chuck Elon Musk not great either Elon Musk not great not great he's shown us true colours yeah Jimmy Savile but he's passed still not great not great not great there's a lot there we'd be all day Margaret Thatcher not ideal let's keep going I I will I like when we get a little political the odd time Look at us. We're practically... I know. We're like a little party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Okay, so do you know when you did a shout out for the celebs who blocked me? Hi girls, I heard you're doing a call out for a celebrity who blocked me and why? And I fear I might have the strangest one yet. Oh my God. Fab. You see, Michael Flatley, famous for making Irish dancing popular, particularly in Riverdance and Lord of the Dance, blocked me on Instagram. Wow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Loving him. Oh, okay. Yeah. My family has always been rather obsessed with Riverdance. I think I'm already team Michael.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
My sister and I would force our family to watch our atrocious performances as children. When I grew up, I channeled this obsession into following Michael Flatley on Instagram. I would take the piss a little bit, liking his stories, commenting on his posts. I love you, Michael. And heart eye emojis, etc. He seemed to also take a liking to me and would like my post and react to my stories.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Oh my God. I thought I had an in and if I DM'd him, he'd be open to it. So one Christmas Eve after one too many drinks. Oh no, I hate when this happens. I used to go out with a guy and honestly, he used to sit up drinking on his togler sometimes and just like mail loads of celebrities and it would make me want to die. Anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
We decided to send him the link to the Ireland AM Riverdance massage interview. It's a clip of a woman vigorously massaging a man to the Riverdance theme music while the presenter wets himself with laughter in the corner. LAUGHTER Truly iconic. I sent the link to Michael and asked him if he has ever received a river dance massage. He blocked me there and then.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Absolutely heartbreaking that our romance was cut short, but a great story nonetheless.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
she's coming in sideways now hold on here she comes look at the legs I remember Spenny's family they have this thing that sometimes you do a little party trick and like we don't really do that with our family but anyway off I went river dancing around the place I've never had an Irish dancing lesson in my life
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
They thought I was brilliant. And then Amber, I did that little dot dot to the side and everything. Amber sat and sang Caledonia. I actually had secondhand embarrassment. I was like, please make this end.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I don't know what I've been waiting for. Oh no. Get the Irish to dance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I never know where to look. It's absolutely desperate. I cannot stand it. I don't even like going to live music in pubs because it's too small. I don't mind a big gig, but like a pub where you have to sit and listen. You know, it's a bit much for me anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Comrades. Bo Williams and Jo Attewell, who are delighted to spark.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
My favorite baby name used to be Rocco, called one of my dogs Rocco. I love the baby name Winston. I have Winston. And my auntie Gina, obviously her dog was called Gigi, who thankfully passed away just a month before Gigi was born.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I actually didn't even think of the beer Stella, but Ciarán, my business partner, his dog is called Stella.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I agree. And especially the human names that are dying. If you're getting a puppy, call it Gary, call it Neil, Kieron. They're all dying names. Kevin, yeah, Kevin's a dying name.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I met a Vogue recently, actually, last year. A young girl in Spain. Were you on mushrooms? Was it yourself? No, I wasn't on mushrooms looking in the mirror. It was a young girl in Spain. Two young girls I've met called Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Green is not your colour, Joanne. Okay? Just because you're not wearing green.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Only if it has Robinsons in it. Between that and the amount of protein I have to get in, I don't have time to sleep these days. Don't you dare forget about your collagen. Oh my God, I can send you some collagen now. You'll be thrilled.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I'll tell you what no let's let Joe do let's let him do the goodbye you can do it at the end Joe we'll let you do the goodbye at the end I'll prop up at the end practice I've just got off a techno gym bike ride and I think I've changed alliances allegiances alliances I don't know which one we've changed allegiances go on who are we alleging to now I think we're moving on to the techno gym bike I don't do much biking I know I don't do much biking anymore and I'll tell you what it's cheaper than what you because you have to pay for a month for Peloton as well
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
You see, I don't agree with that because I ingest collagen and there's certain supplements that I do take. But I saw something as well about when you get it. Remember we got those injections when we were in Cardiff. Remember the vitamin injections? And someone said you just weed them out. I'm sorry, but I think that you do feel better after you have them. I think that they work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I take supplements and I believe particularly magnesium at night really works.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Well, there is, there's a, there's a probiotic that I take that, that it all, that that doesn't happen with this probiotic. I always think of stomach acid, like if you shoved your whole fist down there, your hand would just come out like just bones.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
To be honest with you, I don't remember it going away. I know the main shop went, but Topshop went on to ASOS. So it's kind of like this whole comeback tour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
They should bring Kate Moss back again. When she did that, that was the first kind of like celeb collab with a clothing brand. Like H&M do it now and they do it really well. But I remember when Kate Moss was releasing all those dresses and she was in the window like a mannequin and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
but yeah we'll have to see if it's going to come back with the bang or if it's going to come back with one of those kind of a poof a poof yeah I'll be watching I remember when you remember you'd go to London like on a trip and you'd literally Topshop was your destination it was the top
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
destination to go to and i'd spend hours in that shop couldn't afford anything but then i had a friend who worked there and then she got 30 off and all of a sudden i was rolling around a top shop yeah you're back in the back in the game baby yeah they lost their way as many brands do and as people do namaste so hopefully hopefully now i'll be expecting big things from Lady Shop. So watch out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Topshop or else Joanne will be after you. Gigi will be thrilled. Gigi has a new fashion style she loves. Go on. Four-year-old girl. Any time she puts on... Well, basically... I have a kids' clothing range. If you haven't noticed the kids' clothing range, a little shout-out to Jen. Available at Marks & Spencer's and Next.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
But anyway, there's these pyjamas, and she will not wear... I'm not paying enough to avail. She will not. Seven to eight, she'll be grand. LAUGHTER It's stretchy, stretchy. Oh, is it? Okay, I'll pop in, I'll pop in. I'll give you some of the swimsuits, the swimwear. But anyway, so she comes out in the pajamas and a short and a t-shirt. She insists on the top.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
She's like, well, you do the roll thing with my top. So she wants the top rolled up like a belly top and tucked under. So she wants to go around in a belly top. And she's four years old. I'm like, oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I just thought it was very, I remember doing it and I remember I used to do it because my mom forced me to play golf when I was younger. And so like, I'd be like this. I know. It's a golf family. So obviously I would roll up to the golf course and I'd be in, I remember, do you remember those Calvin Klein fake little tops that you could get?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
And like you'd get them when you went on holidays in Spain and I used to get one of the belly top Calvin Klein tops. And I remember like the golf course would be on two sides of a road and you could see one of the holes from the road and my mom caught me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
What? Oh, my God. That was supposed to be a team-building exercise. Joanne, I can't rely on you. I had to open Otto's Christmas present last week. I thought, I'm not waiting for her anymore. I'll take the glory. You didn't even tell him it was from me. I did. I went in. I said, hey, Otto, this is for you. And then as I was walking out, I said, it's from you. LAUGHTER
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
There's like 1% of people that are good at it in the world. I'm sorry. It's like, it's an impossibility. Do you know what? It doesn't even seem like that much crack to me. I suppose when we get older, we have to think about things that we'll be doing and maybe we'll be doing the golf. I don't know. You get your steps in. You get your steps in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
For women who don't know, just so you know, your husband, if he's longer than six hours, he's taking the absolute piss at you. And that's a really, a really slow game. Spenny, like, was obsessed. You know the way he does this. He gets really obsessed with things. And he went through a phase of getting obsessed with golf and bought the most expensive golf clubs he could buy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Probably used them about three times. Joined, as an overseas member, a golf club in Ireland. And he's like, he is absolutely furious because he just keeps getting emails about members who have died because they're all obviously really old. He's like... How are so many people dying in this place? It's like, we regret to inform you. And he's like, for fuck's sake, what's in the water?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Alzo went to, he's brilliant at golf, my little brother Alzo, and he got a scholarship in Berkeley in America to go and play golf.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
But like one of the guys that was one of his friends on the, I can't remember his name now, but he's basically on the PGA tour making millions a year. Like, I mean like 30, 40 million a year. I'm like, Aldo, what the fuck happened? What's happened here? How has he done that? I'm like, you're on the same class. That must be a hard pill to swallow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Honestly, he's like, nah, he actually just decided that he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to try and go like to be a professional. It's such a full on thing. I always think about golf wives as well. Like, I feel like you have to move to Florida. Why do they all move there?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
It went forwards most of the time. You'd be better in a sun lounger in the bunker with a cocktail, I think. Ah, yeah. I'll be your golf.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Well, let's not slide golf too much because we're going to take it up in about 10 years time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
There's no point unless it's... Did you bring a suitcase home or no?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
The mic and the whoop have been hiding on her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I actually I appreciate that I do yeah there's no point moving around if I don't know where I'm going or why I'm going there how many how my heart rate is you know would you not just get an aura ring because like mine's gone a bit not gold because I've had it for like three years but then it's just on your finger forever I haven't given up on the whoop the whoop's gonna I'm telling you the whoop's gonna come back it's like a little boomerang we'll come back with the bike well did you bring anything home from New York like did you get the case back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
At least you got the Christmas present. It's a step up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Well, I, which probably won't surprise you, but when I have been living with partners, it always felt like I was the problem, really, not them, domestically.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Yeah. There just seems to be some glitch that I just don't really get it. So I don't know why. So like while I'm nodding away...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
about like how men don't do anything around the house so like the slow reality of hold on a second it's me oh hold on a second most and all of our arguments when I was living with them was about me not doing anything around the house but yeah but the problem I don't know how to explain it I don't see the problem I don't see it Yeah. I don't see it. Some people are just like that though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
It's not your fault. I don't get it. And then like to get, to clean it or tidy it takes me hours. I don't know. It's just, it's like a handicap or something. I don't know what it is. Domestic blind spot or something. I don't know. So that's why I have to live on my own. So I just don't anger anyone. But anyway, yeah, this, this husband should, yeah, up his game. Up your game.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Up your game around the house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
pony and just like working out and she's like that was like and it was so true and poor not poor Sporty Spice but she wasn't a lesbian but everyone was like oh the lesbian one she definitely now more than myself Mel C always had a slight lesbian tint to her but apparently she's not although you know yourself now I do believe we all have three lesbian affairs in us but that's
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Ripped apart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that you see I just didn't think about it but there's an Irish comic called Catherine Bowhart who's gay and she opened one of the Proseccos she opened one of the Proseccos on Vicar Street and she was doing stuff on stage about nails women and lesbians and nails and I was like of course never thought of it never thought of it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Should Mike be able to be muted that easily? Surely that's a flaw in the microphone. We accidentally muted about nine times a record.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
The shame but like so because I go through phases of self-care and um kind of looking after myself it's very much swings and roundabouts and sometimes I'm really across the grooming and the keep it on top of things but as we know it's a
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
full time gig and my nails can sometimes get to the point before I get them done again where they're they're gross like they're absolutely gross where you have to spend 400 quid on them well yeah when they get to that point of no return but they're so bad and you go in and it's like it's like having it's kind of like having what I imagine well no because the lobotomy actually isn't really that good for you but it's like a therapy when you come out with the nails with the mani and the pedi did oh
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
My nails underneath all the neon shellac etc they are when I say the weakest things you've ever seen yeah honestly you couldn't they're like a sponge gross I've ruined them it's raining in Cape Town it's been raining for 48 hours I know where do I complain where do I complain we went to this
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
foodie so one of the guys that's here with us Josh he's a real foodie whereas me and his boyfriend Ross are very similar as in like like we were talking about like really spam from a tin couldn't couldn't care less yeah but Josh Josh somehow convinced us to go to one of these tasty restaurants yeah yeah yeah yeah where it was the dinners are booked up till June but we managed to kind of wangle in for a lunch thing and
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
And everything is teeny tiny and they come over and there's a half an hour introduction to each course. No. Everything is like minute and things like frog foam and all this. And they do a wine tasting. And then because I want to have my first oyster. Oh, you're pressed oyster. I would rather gargle silage. What the fuck? Ah, you didn't do it right. You didn't do it right. Sorry, Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I did do it right. I did it under strict supervision. Josh, he's an oyster guy. It's like his thing, right? So he was like showing me how to eat it. And I was like, eat it. You're lucky I fucking swallowed it. Oh, you did get it down. I was it. It's a two star Michelin restaurant. I wanted to fuck. I wanted to spit it out. You had to swallow. You had to swallow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
But even I, even I have decorum in those situations and I had to swallow it down. And Ross, I was trying to swallow the oyster. Ross was trying to swallow some fish creme brulee thing. Oh no. Between the two of us. The only person who enjoyed himself was Josh. And everything is absolutely tiny. So Ross went, Ross laughed and we had a McDonald's. Ross had a McDonald's. I can't bear that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
they're sick how unfair for oysters like you think and I'd say if oysters could think which they probably can't they're like look lads we taste disgusting no one's going to want to eat us we look even worse here they all come now with their teeny tiny forks fucking scooping us out putting Tabasco on us and gargling us I was just dying for a chicken salad and a white wine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I was like, this is, it's just, it's out of my league. It's out of my palate league.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I've got a basic tongue, a basic belly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Me and Ross, we were so desperately trying to look like we knew what we were doing because you're one saw me trying to spit out the oyster. So then we were like the feral table. You don't get it. Do you know what I mean? They're like, oh, these don't get it. They're like, blow in. So off the tour bus, they don't get it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
So she's introducing us to the wines, of course, like every wine is obviously getting a full introduction, etc. And this one was called Honey Bunch. And she was talking about like the honey notes and everything. And Ross was like, oh my God, yeah. He kept trying to tell me and Josh that he could taste the honey. And we're like, is there honey? He's like, I can taste the honey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
And she came back, God love her. You could see she was raging. She had to come back because she was like these morons. And Ross was like, oh yeah, the honey in that. Oh, you can really taste it, yeah, the honey. And she's like, there's no actual honey in it, yeah? It's called notes. She was just kind of blinking slowly at us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Toasting what we believe are liquidized jars of alcoholic honey at each other. Would you have any Castello Di Diablo, please?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
The less stars for me, the better. I like a starless dining experience. I like a minus star dining experience. One that's kind of barely alive. One of those restaurants that's barely keeping its head above water because it has some hygiene issues. That's where I like to go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
What the hell is a chiringuito?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
That's... Oh, I didn't know. I'm a cheering keto gal. I didn't know. You're a cheering keto gal. It's written all over your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a Michelin star gal. It's just not my vibe. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
so now I can't do school drop off anymore and I was only thinking to last week I was like oh no I love it why do I get such a kick when straight men listen was he straight straight yeah straight how do you know was he straight now was he did he like do we know because he was wearing a shirt yeah ground fur laughing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Ross stung me. Ross has a video of me after our conversation yesterday where I found out the shocking news that I'm a 4.5 rating on WikiFeed where you are 5. Ross caught me trying to get some very sexy fuck content up the mountain. Very much kind of swooping in, swooping out, trying to pretend it was being recorded by someone else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
It's a very delicate foot content, which I will be posting shortly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Wiki feet. my wiki feed page is now going to be a 30 page thread I'm going to be posting so much content you wait well all my hashtags are going to be like hashtag nude hashtag no clothes on I was dripping the oysters through my toes I was like look at this
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
That is a really sweet story. What I would suggest is you just didn't find them. I would say there is a folder. Shut up! There is an email account that he has. You know you can hide entire WhatsApp conversations. No, how do you do that? But like I say, I'm not the person to speak to about this because I am wildly paranoid and traumatized. So like there's no point talking to me about this stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Do you know what as well? And I've been doing a lot of thinking over here. Oh, fuck. I hate when she starts thinking. I've been doing some thinking. Always worrying. Oh, no. I'm up to about four minutes a day now. And... I was like, Joanne, maybe it's not all the men. Maybe it's just the men that you are allowing into your life that behave like this. Joanne, that's very good thinking of you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Yes, that's what I thought. And then I went, Joanne, don't be ridiculous. You're great. It's all of them. No, but seriously, I am going to start. I bought a book, one of these, like The Untethered Soul or The Road Less Travelled, one of those ones. Like I say, of course they aren't all at it. I just kind of deal with a particular type of man, I think. I think that's the problem.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I think I have to hold my hands up and say, it's not that I attract them, I appear to go looking for them myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
He was wearing a flannel shirt. That's how we know. And drinking a Coors Light.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
I know, but how would you, that's the thing. So sometimes I always feel like even with somebody, right, if they were to cheat and like they didn't tell their partner, but like it was so out of character or something for them and they'd never do it again. Like, is there a point in telling that person and hurting them when you know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
I'm not asthmatic, but I have to say when I do use the inhaler, I make sure people are around. I'm not just using that in private. I want people to know how unwell I am and how I'm really getting through this alone and not really complaining very much. So thanks for asking. I might actually get it for a video, Jo, if you wouldn't mind waiting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
And also be, you're putting yourself in the firing line as well. Like for instance, when I sleep with Kevin Costner, like I'm probably not going to tell Sven about it. It just will hurt his feelings and it was an accident. It was an accident. It was an accident. He just fell into you. He fell out of Viagra. Joanne dusted him and I thought, I'll have that. Dusted him. As in you threw him the dust.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Anyway, we're very sorry to hear that that happened to you because, I mean, that's a very difficult situation considering you've got three kids under five as well. What a fucking RSYP is. I haven't used that word in years, but it's essential for that man.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
No, I did not curl my tongue. I made it into a shamrock.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Obviously no one's seen me in my... padded bra that I had on over the weekend. So, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Yeah, I know, but you're taking away from what I'm actually doing. You're making it sound like nothing. I'm creating a shamrock with my tongue, which is an even more special talent. It's my party trick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
I would say it's more about like a pomegranate fruit, you scumbag. You don't have to talk about licking out lions.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Who told you there was bestiality back in the day? Who told you that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Oh, much more. What was that thing that you once said about a horse that just turned into this massive big conversation that you had decided, would you rather kill a horse or eat a horse?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
You can find us the cave drawing now, Joanna. If there's anything that we know you can do, you can deep dive and find us the cave drawing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
No, I never do. I'm too much of a rule follower. I don't. And I get annoyed with people when I see them parking in the parent bay when they don't have a child with them. Because I don't even do it when I don't have a kid with me. I don't park in the parent bay. Parent bay now. I mean... If I see you in a parent bay, you're dead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
There's nothing I'd like to see more than that girl's internet history. I'd love to see Joanne McNally's internet history.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Nice. Do you know what? Actually, that is exactly what I would be doing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Winston with all bear by vogue Well everybody thank you so much for listening to I found a dog for you Joanne I've been sending it to everyone and no one will take her She's a dash end She's up for grabs Are you serious? Yeah, her owners, right, gave her up after six years because they were working away from home too much. It's like, okay, give it to a friend or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
Don't just put your dog in a shelter. When I send you her, I'll send you the link. She sounds amazing. She's gorgeous as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
What kind of, what kind of world are we living in? Shocking. Oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Give them their reality back..."
The 22nd. My book is out. Big Mouth is out tomorrow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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It's crazy. Just maybe don't read the chapter about you, yeah? I said to legal that you wouldn't mind. It's the only chapter I'll read, I'll tell you. I put my Google Alerts on. Can't wait. Everyone, thank you so much for listening. That was the bonus episode and we will see you for the main on Friday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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She was all over it. For how many years after his death were you using the parking pass?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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That's when I took my licence. My dad also had one when I thought, he's left me that in the will. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Father. We're joking again. We don't park in deceivable fate.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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It's too mean on there. I've got to stay away. It's too mean.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Drunk Joanne on Twitter doesn't work. Drunk Joanne on Instagram works very well. It's like chef's kiss.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Do you know what, though? It was like, because you get to a point of taking shit, so you get to the point where you're like, it just flips and you're like, oh, no, I'm not taking this shit anymore. And you're actually dead right there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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You wish you were like Keanu Reeves. Get lost. He's one of those, he's really different.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And they do change the rules a lot. You just never really know what's going to be on the day. You know, you just got to keep asking because sometimes it's liquid, sometimes it's not liquids.
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They hold all the cards, though. Dublin airports are very kind, very nice, moves very quickly. I've been in a situation, though. Remember that time in the airport in London? I won't say which one. And I was literally just like, oh my God, like how it escalated. It was really bizarre. But you can't do anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Because they know you can miss your flight. Anyway, continue. Yeah, they can be a bit...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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They came back in the bag and I agree. I have seen altercations at the airport where I'm just like, stop. And some people are just being so mean. It's like, I know everyone has bad days, but I just feel like a little bit of calm. Be a bit more Dublin Airport.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm on an inhaler. I'm very unwell.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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the security gates thing was an exact example of that so didn't go down the trees well what I would say is it's it's kind of like when you're arguing with somebody via text message and it just blows up into this absolute world war three and it's only because you're texting because they're aware of as if you picked up the phone and just said hey this is what I mean with yeah it'll be totally fine it's anything written down can be
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Like, it can be taken any way anyone wants it to. It can be taken completely out of context and read a different way in a different kind of tone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm sorry. I'll sit back for the mic. You're like a Victorian child sick with the consumption. It's really, honestly, it's really bad. At the wedding, I couldn't, on the Saturday, I couldn't open my, and look at the size of my mouth. Obviously, I could still fit food in the size of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Text fighting is completely stupid and for total losers. And I absolutely love doing it. And never will I ever learn my lesson and just ring someone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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you know this is how you made me feel because yeah it reversed back to my childhood actually when I was three years old and you brought up those feelings yeah it's too it's too much you're better off just ringing and getting it out in the getting it out in the open wouldn't you love if you take do you know the advice that you know in your head you're like that's great advice that's fantastic advice I'm not going to take it on board but it's fantastic advice and if I'd only take it on board it probably would be great for my life going forward but I refuse to music
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I was doing a research call today for, I'm doing a TV show tomorrow for my book. And they're like, so you, Joanne, you like to give advice on the bonus episode. Who would be better at giving advice? I was like, me, obviously. Then I was like, but obviously neither of us. I'm the best of a bad bunch.
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Okay. Hi, Joanne, Vogue and Jo. Love the pod. I have a PSA. What does that mean? Sorry, I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Okay. Oh. Oh, very well. Okay, Donald Trump. Let's hope not. He's always mailing us in on stupid idiots. Not Trump again. Jesus Christ. He never takes the advice. It's wasted on him. Give us a bloody break. Hey, girls.
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every time the topic of cheating comes up on a podcast I find myself shouting at my phone so I just had to reach out I get why but everyone always says not to tell the person that they are being cheated on I really do get the sentiment but the very high chances are that the person knows something is up but they're being told they are mad and paranoid
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I had twins and a four-year-old and when I finally found proof of the cheating last year, I was absolutely crushed. But weirdly, I was also massively relieved. The reasoning is often that maybe the couple have an agreement, but that's so unlikely. And also, if that's the case, then no harm done. Please, girls out there, especially if you have proof, tell the poor person they are being cheated on.
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But I actually could only half open it because all my sinuses and all my top jaw and stuff were just, I was in bits. Your top jaw. What was going on with the bottom jaw?
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Oh. Oh. And since I found proof and have a valid reason to leave, I'm getting my spark back. Please spread the word. Telling is almost always the right call. Cheaters rely on people keeping quiet. It's seriously time to change that bullshit culture.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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There is a lot of levels to it. But like, I would want to know. Like, I have been with people in the past.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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relationships quite serious relationships and I was cheated on and no one told me but a lot of people I knew knew and that really pissed me off when when when it was over broke up over different things but like just the just the like like the ridiculousness of it and I felt really stupid then because it was like four people or something like not an insignificant number of people and also it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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They could be, you don't know what they're doing when they're sleeping with other people and then they're coming back and sleeping with you. And it's just like, it's dangerous for your health. It's embarrassing when someone doesn't tell you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And it actually, that really pissed me off because I found out so long after we broke up that I was like, and also this bullshit of like, oh, well, they might be in an open relationship. That's a reality now. People are cranking things open. Wouldn't be for me now. I just think that if someone's in an open relationship, they're open about being in an open relationship.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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They're not closed about being in an open relationship. You know if they are. Do you know what I mean?
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But some people are just kind of discreetly... I think you know when someone's... Yeah, I think you know when someone's being a snake or not, though. If someone's being snaky and cheating and... But I also like... It just fascinates me because it's like, what's the point? Is it just because you want to have your cake and eat it? Or like, what is...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I think that in one sense, you're very correct. It would be good to give those people the power and a lot of them are being gaslit and that's the worst thing. I actually, years ago though, when it happened to me, I didn't even know. I didn't even consider it. That was the worst part.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Do you know what I mean? There's no one our own age on Facebook anymore. It is for elderly women and kind of incels in their 70s. As far as I know, as far as I'm aware, they're the only people who use Facebook. Also, does Facebook get an alert? If that happened to me, I would assume the person who had liked my stuff, their phone had glitched in some way.
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Like I've accidentally FaceTimed people I met once on a night out just because sometimes your phone just has a life of its own. It's like it's had a couple of drinks and it just goes a bit bananas. So that's what I would think happened if someone liked my message from 2013. So do not stress about that. That's absolutely fine. Don't ring Dignitas quite yet. You're grand.
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That is a trolley. They're being serviced. They're not on a famine train like I was on going to Galway.
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With blonde hair. Yeah, you would stand out with the wide gate and everything, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Anyone who picks them up, I put them on the steps outside. Oh my God. Do you know, I'm actually watching the documentary, which has made me feel bad about that now, about that YouTube mother who was abusing her kids. Do you remember her?
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Was she murdered? Like a kind of a murder on the Orient Express vibe? Or was it of natural causes?
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I'd say she died of boredom. Such a long train journey, my God.
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I guess though, like what, without sounding callous, what are you supposed to do? Like there's no point stopping at a town in the middle of nowhere and then she's just sitting there for hours. I think it's just you have to power on.
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Yeah, no, that's not, that's not ideal now. Yeah, like a bit of Febreze.
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We're sorry to hear you went through that. But, you know, stop making it about yourself. A woman died.
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Your sister's going to prison, Kim. Stop taking selfies. Yeah, no, that's terrible.
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As usual, my tour starts quite soon. I'm going everywhere. I'm going all around the UK, all around Ireland. I've added an extra Amsterdam date, an extra Lisbon date, and an extra Barcelona date. I'm doing some work in progress in New York, which will be on sale by the time this happens. They're just small rooms, cheap tickets, just going to fanny around for a couple of nights in Brooklyn.
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Ruby Frank. She was filming her kids day in, day out. She was calling them the staff. Like, no, they were the employees of her channel. And one of them was like four. And their whole lives, she filmed everything. Eight passengers or something they were called. You know, now I'm not big on the deets. Shocking. And then it's always the ones who are presenting this perfect existence.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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It was awful. I know. There was war over that because... I don't know what the rules are for returning kids. You can't. I tried. I tried. Of course. I'm assuming were they in Ireland, I would have been returned. The second I started tap dancing, Pop would have been like, get this fucking clown out of this house. Off she goes. Back to Roscommon. We can't have this.
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No. Do you know, they're like, do you have any good reason? She's just a bit of a melt, really. She's actually a little bit annoying, to be honest with you. She's really attention seeking. It's wracking her head. But that shot, their argument was we need to put him in the right home and everything.
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But I just think with kids, I don't know the ins and outs, but you can't be returning kids you've adopted three years later. You've made your bed lioness with the kids.
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Imagine the trauma of being like, oh yeah, I was adopted, but then returned three years later when my personality really started to kick in. They were like, actually, no, you're grand. And then wait to be adopted again. And the older they get, of course, it's harder to adopt them. Oh, God. Anyway, God, that's grim, folk. Why are you bringing that shit up?
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Well, no, it's Wednesday when they listen to this, so it's fine to talk about sad stuff. Wednesday is a bit of a hump day. We're allowed. We're allowed. I went to see an amazing Irish film last night.
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The listeners don't need to know that fact. TMI. TMI. Is he getting ready for the bath?
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Well, you're his wife. You've signed up to watch that show. We have not. That's a Patreon. Should he be up running around Mars or something?
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Is that him? We're on an important business report.
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Sorry, sorry. This is why I need to get married. If I didn't realise marriage also involves screaming at your husband to bring you champagne. If I'd known that I would have done it years ago. I'll tell you what happened.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Do you know what I need? Do you know what I actually need? One of those robotic hoovers that I can just strap a little shelf, like a little drinks trolley to it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Well, yeah, well, you just, you just interrupted me to tell me that you've done too much talking by talking. I think you take it from here. You need less skittles. That's what I think is your problem. And some sort of transcendental meditation. I went to see a film last night by a filmmaker, Irish filmmaker called Sinead O'Shea.
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And it was on at the Curzon Cinema in Soho, which is a gorgeous cinema. And the film is called Blue Road. And it's the story of Edna O'Brien. Now, Edna O'Brien is an Irish writer who I'm aware of, but I've never read any of her... Actually, no, sorry, I read one of her books called Girl, but I didn't connect it. Anyway... It was brilliant. It was so good.
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She said she was a party girl who had very bad taste in men, was actually what she said to me. And she's like, I think it'd be right up your alley. And my God, was she right. I... I loved it. If anyone gets a chance to see it, it's fantastic. So was it about her whole life?
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It's about her whole life and she's interviewed throughout it and her sons are interviewed and she had like bad marriages and she basically, her husband that she married originally was a writer and then she began to eclipse him as is always the case. He couldn't handle it. He glitched. They separated. She went on to have some amazing lovers and loads of books were banned. Oh, wow.
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Yeah, I think the further you get away from home, the more nationalistic you get. I'm surprised Gigi's not in the wrap.
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She's from Clare. She was like, oh, I heard they didn't go down well in Clare. And then it shoots to this, like they actually burnt them in a bonfire because she was quite like, it was quite sexy. She wrote a lot of quite sex books, but the books are amazing and loads of them are turned into films and stuff. It's just, it's a brilliant documentary about her life and I would highly recommend it.
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And I'm so glad Sinead invited me I loved it and congratulations to Sinead. I hope this film goes all the way. It's fantastic.
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Yeah, it's brilliant. And it felt really nice. It was just a little kind of Irish lift.
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Oh yeah, the culture pocket. That one thing that we decided to do and then forgot all about it. Yes. Sounds like it is.
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Oh yeah. Do you know what our consistency is? That we're not consistent. That's the one thing you can rely on us being. We have no consistency. Although... I have another Culture Pocket recommendation. So do I. Go, what's your next... Is yours a book? You go. What's yours?
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Well, I'm going to see Jacqueline Novak tonight in Soho. Jacqueline Novak.
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She's going to watch a game of paddle. She had a Netflix special that was directed by Natasha Lyonne, who obviously I'm a huge fan of. And her Netflix special was all about, it was like this really, I don't know, like an intellectual one woman show take on blowjobs. It was actually amazing. Yeah, it's a weird, weird show. Anyway, she's in Soho tonight, so I'm going to see that.
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Oh, okay. Well, that seems like a healthier thing to do to teach her national history than sign her up for the IRA. So, good. Yeah, they need to know. They need to know about where they're from.
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So I'll report back, but I'm very excited about it.
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Yeah, I'm saving you for the real thing when it's finished.
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He was just like, I'm dealing with it. Go away. Basically. Fair enough.
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Is there any other news than that or is it just the thing that he released?
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That's what they all do. So do you remember when Dominic West had an affair with Lily James and then all hell broke loose and he was outside the front of the house with his wife,
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they were reading a letter about how everything was absolutely fine but you could see in the wife I was like that poor woman she looked she looked exhausted humiliated and she's trying to put on this united front because her husband's
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Yeah, a selfish dickhead, basically. Yeah, exactly. And he's embarrassed her.
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I'm like, oh, yuck. If I was deciding to stay with my husband now, if I was married, if I had a lobotomy and decided I wanted to be a wife, And he cheated on me like that. I would be the same. I'd be dragging him out publicly. If I decided to stay, if I'd made the decision to be like, I'm going to stay. You've made a show out of me. I hate you, but we're staying together. I'll get over it.
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I think I'd be the same. I'd be leading him around clapping Common on a leash, being like, look, we're perfectly fine. With a little taser going, tasering every seven minutes for revenge. Every time he slumps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time he looks at another woman, I just taser him in his eyeballs. But I do, I kind of understand that public united front. I do.
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Otherwise people are just going to think you're separating and have decided to power through.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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He was on set with her. Yeah. He had an amazing, bizarre interview in the London in the Standard maybe years ago where he was promoting some charity gig and the interviewer went around to his house to interview him and it was like it was like he forgot he was talking to a journalist and he was very loose lipped about how it was something along the lines it's a while since I read it it was like
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Where are my kids actually? That's more my question. You've just reminded me I have six. Where do they go? I like to ship them out in the weekends. I kind of, I'm happy to raise them Monday through to Thursday afternoon. But once Thursday afternoon hits, mummy likes to drink, mummy likes to brunch, mummy likes to have fun. So I ship them off to their fathers, whoever he is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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and men my age should be allowed to have affairs like women just need to kind of turn a blind eye and get over it he was just it was like he thought he was talking to one of the lads it was utterly bizarre and then obviously it was all printed and then he went mad and pulled out of the show but yeah you know male actors come on come on wouldn't trust them as far as I could you know throw them and I take I take pre-workout now I'm quite strong
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Welcome to My Therapist. Go to me. Do we need to kind of freshen up our intros?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Feel free.
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As part of your new life. But this man came into your DMs, right? So he actively pursued you. But imagine you were actually out in the world looking for... Your light was on. Your light's probably not on at the moment. Imagine you kind of... Imagine your husband just amicably said, look, it's not working.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And then you went, set up your own life and went on Hinge and Tinder and met some lovely men and had lovely dates and stuff. Honestly, we've said it before and it's kind of infuriating, but the lift in your life it gives you when you have a crush or when someone fancies you or you fancy them back. It's just a little game changer. It's so nice. And, you know, why shouldn't she have it? Have it!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Do you know what's interesting? You know, kind of online romance scams that they say that the experience for men and women is so different. So men's romance scams are hot woman adds them. She says, show me a picture of your dick. He sends it to her and then that person reveals himself to be some lad working on the dark web and he blackmails that person.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Whereas female-focused romance scams, they lure them into thinking that they're in love with them. So you heard about your one in Ireland who thought she was in a relationship with Chris Martin from Coburn. Yeah, yeah. And so it's a much longer game and they give over loads of money. So there's more kind of a connection involved in it. So that's probably what this guy was doing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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But he's irrelevant. The point is, he lit something in you. There's something to be lit inside you. Let someone else light it.
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Men are not as... Clued in emotionally at times.
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Allegedly.
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Not all men.
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Are at times not clued in emotionally at times. Allegedly, yeah.
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This is my marriage. I mean, it's, it does, the difficulty in getting out of one is what would stop me going into one. Ah, I saw that, I saw that.
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It's, it's the kids is the problem. Yeah. Best of luck with whatever happens. And block that crypto, laddies. That's no use.
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It's the only reason I want to have a kid. Oh, it's fantastic. Pump that shit into me.
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I might pop in, Jo.
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Yeah, I might pop... I'd be meaning to pop in, actually, to the...
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birth baby hospital for a while just trying to check it out see what's going on there I might as well have a plug on that pipe thing while I'm there Joe I'd be careful because when I was having Otto she was scratching at the door it was really got frightening towards the end I was like folk you don't even need it anymore you're a huge vagina give it to me she's already out which one is that
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Why are women complaining about giving birth? They have all the resources in the world. They just... I want to hear what else. And then you get free toast after. Sorry. Why are they always banging on about it?
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It's like clockwork, isn't it? Is it? I think we need to freshen up our intros. Try something different.
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I do see, I see heavily pregnant women around in the world, basically. And they do look, it looks very uncomfortable. Yeah. I would, I honestly think like Vogue's very, she's a real bounce backer. She's a real baby bounce backer.
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You're also squatting and all that jazz, which I mean, look, I respect it. It's great. But I feel like I would be very much a let herself goer. I feel like I'd be a take into the bed, big dramas, everyone involved. I'd move my mom in, all that jazz.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah, people will only listen to people complain for a short amount of time. And then you get, you get moaned fatigue, don't you? You're like, oh, come on now.
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Like improv. Yeah, vibe it.
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Yeah, I just kind of, I've learned because of my relationship status that I don't have one. I've learned to be very resilient and I know that now I have only myself to rely on because that's what happens.
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She's not resilient like me. Amber's not mentally resilient like me.
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I crack. I do crack. But I actually have a friend going through it at the moment and it's horrible to watch. I forgot that like visceral, guttural, that constant nausea. Nausea. I actually think... Sickness, sickness, sickness in the stomach.
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No, let's stick with what we have. I think it works. Welcome to my therapist ghosted me with me. Joanne McNally and my work wife, Vogue Williams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It's the old saying, there's no rejection in death. There's no rejection. It's the rejection of a breakup is, you just, do you know what it is? It's because you, it triggers all these insecurities you have about yourself. So you just, you're, All that stuff that you hate about yourself, when someone rejects you, you're like, oh, it's all true. I'm a waste of space. I've nothing of value.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I'm that other person. And if they leave you for someone else, oh my God. Oh. And if they're good looking. All hell breaks loose. All hell breaks loose. You're like, I knew it. I'm an ugly bitch. I knew it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
And now it's been proven to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I mean, I can't, I don't, I don't think, I can't say if I'm not completely surprising. She says diplomatically. I wouldn't say I'm shocked by that revelation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I like the breakup's my fault. They're like, Joanne, we haven't even broken up yet. And I'm like, but we will because everything ends and it will be my fault. I don't know. We need someone, we need a middle ground for two extreme versions.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Well, apparently a 30 is middle-aged according to some science thing I read recently. Yeah. But also, sorry, and then another thing I read, middle-aged no longer exists as in like culturally, there's no such thing. Middle-aged used to be floor-length floral dresses and you suddenly need to cut all your hair off. Not a thing anymore. Look at us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
That's why people don't believe my facts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Yeah, fine. But like, no, no, no, well done. No, it is true. It is true.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Oh, so were you double dropping eggs? Is that what you're saying? I double dropped an egg this month. Just, where do they get, like I said, where do they, to where?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Hold on a second.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Jo, don't pretend. Jo, no, no, no, no, no, Jo. This is not the time for you to pipe up and pretend that you knew that. I realise this is not a good time for men's cleaning. It's the wall of the womb.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Is this like when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball with his name on it? Yeah, I've just bought loads of runners in my own size. Oh, they don't fit you. Oh, I'll keep them. Don't worry. I'll do something with them. That feels like this is the vibe. Hold on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Is this not something I should know about myself?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
If the train leaves the station at 8am, I'm never going to be on an 8am train. I don't do mornings. It doesn't matter. I don't need to know anything about morning commutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Sheds, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It's not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Oh, my God, it's not the egg. It's just the wall. I was always in a very masculine language. Men, sheds, it's all... Hang on, let me do this. Male focus. Oh no, no. Men love sheds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Oh my God. What's coming out of the chicken? What came first? It's the wall. It's the wall.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Well, I don't know if I would trust. Anyway, no, I do trust men. I wouldn't trust a man to take the pill the morning after. But remember, they were trying to bring out like a male morning after. I don't even fucking take them. I don't take them myself. I'm the one who has the knock-on effect of getting pregnant. And I'm like, shit, the pill.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Yeah, wait till you hit 40, Vogue. You won't need that anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
My mom didn't... Yeah, enjoy every single one of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Yum, yum.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
That's not true. Do you know what this just says to me? That you have that... So firstly, your marriage is dead. Look, I'm not a married person and I know people stay in marriages that aren't necessarily thriving.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
But if there's nothing going on... What this says to me is that there is life in the old dog yet, as they say, and that you have the capability to fall mad about someone and to have all the butterflies and the fanny flutters and all that stuff. So go out and find another one. Leave your husband and find another one. You don't need to get that. You don't need that fucking TikTok crypto, dude.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It just means that you have that in you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Run a mile.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
She'll be selling you a banana for five million pounds soon enough. Stick that in the list to learn with the periods.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I'd love... I was only thinking the other day, I might buy myself a bike. Do you want to go bike shopping? I don't even know where to start, but we'll go bike shopping. I'd love to go bike shopping. Maybe when you come back from... When I come back, I'm going bike shopping. Anyway, sorry. This woman's marriage...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, I probably wouldn't be chasing somebody across the world if they don't want you to go out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You just show up. You have to try and keep a little bit of your dignity and just, as hard as it is, just don't go out there. You can't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I came across your belly button the other day. It's gone very rotten and scabby looking, so I threw it in the bin. Imagine, like, what did I... Did I think that that was going to be a nice sentimental gift to give one of the kids? Like, hang on, kids. Wait, I just... I haven't given you everything. Here's your belly button. Like, scummy. Honestly...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
But you have to let them come back on their own. You can't chase them down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
We do. We've had a lovely year with your listenership.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
And we think you're deadly. Yeah, we think you're deadly. Thank you for listening.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
It's the link in my bio. There's a pre-sale link so you can buy the book on pre-sale if you so wish to buy it. And also, Penophile is also a fun sale, isn't it, Joanne? Joanne is going.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
All over the UK and Ireland. She's added her quirk dates. It's going to be a great one. I obviously have secured my tickets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's all I need. What else would I be going to?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh, she will pay for this. I was like, put her in the box, charge her full whack. Thank you so much, everyone. Have the best Christmas and a great new year and you're deadly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I'm not doing any of that bullshit. I'm not keeping anyone's teeth. It's weird. It's weird. My mom kept Alexander's teeth. Only Ray's teeth were kept, obviously, because he's the favorite child. Who? Ray. My mom calls him Ray. Oh, sorry. Ray of sunshine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Alzo, do you know, I think Alzo's moved out and hasn't told us. Really? I've just said, are you coming home today? And he sent me, he's just sent me a pin drop and it's 333 miles away, seven and a half hours drive. He's up in North Berwick in Scotland. He's getting us ready for when he actually does move out, which is pretty soon, I think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, no, it was nearly 30, 30 in Jan.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I am ready to move out of my own home. I feel like I feel overwhelmed in this house. It's probably because I have been here for a solid week. I've been in this house and now I'm just like, get me out of this house. Like I can't stand being here anymore. The kids are just
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
so loud you can't get away from it ever it's just like you're in this like soup of noise constantly I need a house where I can hide I need a hiding place yeah yeah I can understand that I've been in your home and yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I mean, you can't just land that with us now. It's like, it's quarter to 10 on a Friday morning. It's Friday the 13th.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I would like to next week for the main episode, though. I would do. I thought we're finished.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Well, we didn't think anything was going to, but we thought we were going in for a little jolly to have a little chat once or twice and then that was going to be it. We weren't really considering we were going to still be doing this three years down the line.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh, yeah. I really think that's a good goal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You're going to move house. No, you're going to move house. I'm going to be out of this house. Definitely. I am going to, I want to be doing something with my degrees. Like I really enjoy stuff to do with architecture, stuff to do with buildings. I want to be doing something to do with that. Maybe just frame them. Frame them. That's enough.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I'll frame them put them on the wall possibly possibly and I want and I would like my book to be out and lots of people have pre-ordered it and bought it but at this stage pre-order and buy it but at this stage they'll have long read it like if this is in a whole year yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I was, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on, I posted this thing about the book yesterday about when I wanted to be in a girl band. And John Boyne, you know, the author John Boyne, he wrote back and he was like, I auditioned for a boy band in the 90s as well. Music's loss was I hope literature's gain.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Isn't he? And he's such an amazing, he's one of my all-time favorite authors. I absolutely love his books. But imagine he hadn't, imagine he had been in a boy band and just had gone down that route and hadn't written and then we wouldn't have all of his, we wouldn't have the Horace Invisible Furies, we wouldn't have the Boyne's Striped Pajamas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
We had a party. Remember the party?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Like all of his books are so incredible to think that you wouldn't have those masterpieces. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I would say the music industry lost out by not giving me a spot in a girl band. Actually, if you're asking me, I think I would have done a fantastic job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I used to stand at the back of auditions and I'd make it like near enough to the end. And I'd just stand there kind of bopping around at the back, just kind of hoping nobody would notice me. But I'd be so shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
What tea? A little bit at the front, yeah. Poor tea. He's getting his hair cut and he's coming in asking if I want any more off. Yes, mushroom head. Get back in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Can I join her? Has she any space in the car?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I really need to get back into reading. I haven't read, but you know what I have ready to go and you've probably read it. You might have read it as well, Jo. The Kite Runner. Is it amazing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh, well, that's... Will I bother starting or will I put it away?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I've dragged this around with me everywhere, right? Of mice and men, because I'm like, I'll read it, I'll read it. Everyone says it's brilliant. I just can't bring myself to open the book. I can't do it. I don't know why. It's not even big, but I'm just like... Oh, sounds crap.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
And I know it's not going to be crap because like Louisa, my manager, bought me loads of really good books and she's like, you have to read these books. So I'm going to keep dragging it around with me, but I don't know if I should start that or the Kite Runner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I love this. I'm desperate to read Of Mice and Men. I just, it's already looked so battered. Look.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You want it? Yeah, I'm going to pop down my local fucking WH Smith and grab some Shakespeare as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I might read, what's that thing called? Little Sisters. Is that what they're called?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I don't know what else I want from Christmas. What else should I? I just, you know, I just want a more relaxed life, I think. Slower. I want to be slower paced life. I reckon that's what's coming for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh, I like what you did there. I like it a lot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Well, I'm actually just have to pop out for a second just to make sure T's hair is okay. Give me one second, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah. Nice. I have not exercised in a week. I cannot wait to start exercising again. I'm going to start on Sunday. Why don't you start on Sunday, Joe? No time like the present. Let's start together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, we would start pre-Christmas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Well, do you know what I just threw out? Honestly, three days ago. I don't know whose it was, but it was someone's belly button. Just chucked it out. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'm sorry. I did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh, God, we shouldn't have been asking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
girls, I need your help. My boyfriend of two years left to go and spend a few months in Australia. He's been out there for six weeks and has now dropped a bombshell that he might want to break up with me. Oh. I was supposed to be going out there in February to celebrate my 30th birthday with him and then we were going to come home together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Now he's saying that he wants to stay out there until June. He's having such a different life with no responsibility and doesn't want me to go visit anymore. Oh. I asked him if there was anything wrong with our relationship. He said no. I asked if he feels like he's missing out because he's in a relationship while out there. He said no. I asked him if he thinks we'd have fun together out there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
He said yes. I asked him if he still loves me. He said yes. So what's the problem? There has been the first relationship I've ever been in where everything has gone right and we've only got closer and stronger. Normally I get the ick. Do I need to cut ties and focus on myself and my hinge profile or do I fight and just book a flight and go out there no matter what he says? Need your honesty.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Love the pod. You bring me joy every week. Oh, that's pretty tough now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah. No, hang on. No, because we're 26,000 feet. Isn't that right? And 36,000 feet when you fly. Ah, listen, it's not the day to be working this out, to be honest with you. Google it there. Usually I'm really good at maths. You know I am. Do I? Because I love money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Ah, with everything going on, really? I know. It sounds like something my mom would say to me and I'm like, Jesus Christ, Sandra.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
the elves are tapping away getting it ready the book has gone to print the link for that is in my bio and also I have got my two book dates in May Garen Noon is going to be the host of the one in Dublin and Lou Sanders is going to be the host of the one in London ah lovely so you can get the tickets on the link on my Instagram if you'd like to come I'd love to see you there two great choices I know I'm thrilled I'm thrilled music
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I wouldn't say there's a trolley that's not for you, Joanne. Well, fuck that, I'm a gal. I don't know. Listen, let's do a deep dive. We'll find out how long it takes to get up there, what they're going to eat, because they won't even be eating nice stuff, I would think. It won't be like flying Kylie Air or Kim Air.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Not for us. We weren't invited, but it's not for us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I just don't know. I think it doesn't come out of the glass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Oh, did they? How unusual. Will we do some emails? Yeah. I've got an issue. I'd be really grateful for your advice on. I'm getting married in May and my mum has just said she's 90% sure she isn't going to come. Oh, 90%. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
For context, she left my dad 10 years ago to be by herself. They had a horrible three year divorce and haven't had any contact since. I've always been in the middle with everyone, but had a closer relationship with her than my older sister. She says she's a chronic pain condition that has just been diagnosed, but the timing seems really fishy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I know she's been apprehensive about attending and my dad's new fiancee out. I really want to say, if you don't come, you're dead to me. But that feels like the nuclear option, I would agree. Should I get over it and be thankful there won't be any scenes at the wedding between her and my dad's new partner? Or do I tell her how much it hurts that she won't be at her own daughter's wedding?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I think that she's closer to the mother than the sister is. So she does have a good relationship with the mom. But I just, if my, okay, so if my dad was alive, I don't think my mom would want to come to a wedding that he was at, be it mine or anyone else's. Yeah. I really like, they just didn't get on at all. And I just don't think she'd like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
And I can, and to be honest with you, obviously I'd be, I'd have been really upset, but like, I'd understand where she had come from because she had been through so much shit with him that I can get it. And I think maybe your mom as well, what makes it worse is that the new fiancé is there, that's going to sting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I think that that's not fair of the mom to be asking her to do something like that. Like it's her wedding day and I feel like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
No, sit down and have a conversation. You might be able to see her aside. Then she might be able to understand where you're coming from. And then you'll come to a happy medium, which I would hope would be the thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
But like, I suppose when you think about going to a wedding with any of your exes, like if I thought about going to a wedding with my ex being there, I'd be really like, like it'd be very awkward, but I'd still go. But like, it'd be very, very awkward. And imagine like they're there with their new partner. Like it's just, oh God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, I think the only thing you can do is sit down and talk to your mom and hopefully that you can come to some kind of arrangement.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
again maybe this I don't know the etiquette because I never have and nor will I ever marry however would the dad not be like to the fiance do you know what it's probably not appropriate that you come because the mother would like to go how long has the fiance been in the family like three years and like that's the dad's partner and I don't really think that then you're starting another kind of family war that's gonna just be a shit show because imagine you're the fiance with the dad and like well
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Well, do you know what? I'm so glad because Benny and I, remember we got married in Scotland and that was meant to be like a registry wedding. We weren't, that was meant to just be like where we go and sign off that we're married. And we had such a nice time with like 22 people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
And we were like, you know, imagine we have to organize a big, massive wedding now and it's going to cost us an arm and a leg. And then there'd be all the fighting with like who has to come, who doesn't have to come. Even like with both sides of my family and stuff like that. Like, you know what I mean? There'd be awkwardness and a lope, a lope.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Back from St. Bartholomew. I've had to start wearing shoes again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
No, Sandra would have to come. I'd scratch other people away, not Sandra.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I tried to bring my, I tried to bring her away with me though now. At least your mom will go places. My mom's like, no, Spain, London, Dublin. That's it. And I'm like, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Oh, that's a bit far away from me now. It's David's fucking paddle course. I'd have to get the dart. 45 minutes. Couldn't do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Southsiders and Northsiders don't like each other in Ireland, so Joanne and I don't talk at home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Well, everybody, thank you so much for listening. And again, if there's anyone around the Gatwick airport area, please look out for my luggage. I would be eternally grateful. And that's it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I can't explain to you how much that bag never leaves my sight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Obviously, this wasn't my fault. The other bags are all chipped. Okay. Everyone, thank you so much for listening. Bye. This is a Global Player Original Podcast
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
We were in St. Bartholomew's and like at Christmas, it can be a bit more jazzy and stuff. But like we were there at Easter, so it was really relaxed. So I was honestly like I didn't, I never blow dried my hair once when I was there. So my hair was just always wet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
like just threw it in the bowl no makeup or anything and I was kind of okay with it until like it started getting busy the last week and I was like wow like there was bouncy blow dries like these gorgeous looking girls and you know when you're walking around you're like oh my god I actually feel like a pig it's high end you can't be going over there with your
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Honestly, I did. Remember you told me that you dress up for the beach. I'm like, so I've always been like, maybe I do dress up for the beach until like they all started arriving. And I was like, there was even a few click clacks going around heels. On the beach? Well, she was one of them, by the way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Not on the beach, up at the bar, up at the bar. That's so glam. Like just wearing a little heel. I know they were very glam. I hadn't seen the likes of it before. I'm going to have to rethink the wardrobe for next year. Imagine me going around in stilettos. I'd look frightening. Imagine me stomping around in a bikini in stilettos. I mean, it's quite the look.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, sure, that's what I use. That was my modelling outfit. I'd just be going back to my old modelling outfits. Just need a placard. Just get a placard and walk around. That was for it. Yeah, right in parts, yeah. Eden Rock.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, well, I was at one restaurant and obviously I don't drink cocktails all the time, but I don't know how much they cost in London.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
35 euro for, and I wanted one. And I said, no, I'm sorry. I have to draw the line. 35 euro your take. Sir Brian, our friend who doesn't drink, got a bathtub of this cocktail that wasn't even a cocktail. 25 euro because he doesn't drink. So there's no alcohol in it. It was just this little bathtub with a little rubber duck in it. And foam. And I was like, send that back. You're not having it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Mmm, Leicester. Nice cheese. I'll be there. Oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
supermarket supermarket get yourself vodka we'll sneak it everywhere they won't know because there will be no one as cheap as us on that island no I'll just do aerosols we might have to resort to it slamming a can of dove just to get some kick out of life rather than paying 35 quid for a bath of vodka in the bar a bath
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I wouldn't mind if you could keep the bath. It would feel more worthwhile. I don't know what you, I was thinking elf on the shelf. Sorry, I'm bringing him up again. I know it's very far away. It's April. Give us a break. I was just thinking what I could use the bath for. Jesus. Honestly, there was these glasses.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I've decided to up my coffee game as well because there was these glasses, like a fancy glass for a flat white with a, basically like a mug, but in glass version. but those really fancy glasses with all the cutouts. And I was like, God, I just, why don't I drink my coffee out of this? Like, why, why can't I make this happen? And I'm going to make it happen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Bear by Vogue. Goes to 20. I have to say it. I have to say it. It's like a twitch. We are now available in Boots UK. Ah, great news. I know. And I would like to thank everybody who put so much time and effort going into Boots Ireland to help us get into Boots UK. So now we're in Boots UK and everyone who wants us in Boots UK, we're there now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, and I like a nice glass. It's like, I bought these glasses for myself in Hoth and I hide them from Amber because she smashes everything so they're in a separate cupboard. She's not allowed to use those ones. I'm going to do the same for myself here. Yeah. I see you liked the wine glass I got you in the end. I did. Why do you look so nice today?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Oh no, I want that lamp. If anyone's getting, why are you getting rid of it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Tell us about the period again, will you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
And I'll be happy either way. Let's be honest. I'll get the lamp. I'll get the lamp or else I'll get you. I'll get something. Well, I tell you about my day so far today. You know when bad things happen, they happen in threes. Allegedly, if you believe in the universe, which you know I don't. But yes, carry on. Okay, well, I do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
So basically, what happened was the usual flight that we get is at 10 o'clock at night. That's the flight that was always the way home from St. Barts. And it's like, obviously it's not great, but you can still get a little bit of sleep. The flight that we had to get, they changed it to 20 to 5. So my kids wouldn't sleep. We all got about two hours sleep. You know how I feel about that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Honestly, two hours sleep. And then that happened. And then when we got to the airport, we got to the taxi place and they basically took, you know, and they're like, I'll help you with those bags. And I was dragging two of our carry-on bags. And then they swapped drivers and we lost a carry-on bag because obviously we hadn't seen the change.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
So if anyone, I don't know, I'm going to put it out there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I lost a black antler hand luggage at Gatwick airport. It's got sandals in it that I've had for like six years. Like it's not the most, it's not like I lost my laptop and stuff like that. That wasn't in it, but it was sentimentally little bits. And also two of the blow up beds for the kids, which I'd really rather not buy again. And I'm just sad because I loved the bag and it wasn't my fault.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
And that's the thing. And I was so tired. So then, yeah. What was the third thing? I'm too tired now to remember. Oh no, I have another thing. Oh yeah, my makeup bag burst everywhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Would we say that? Or just honestly, I'm trying not to cry now because there was a Roxanne First necklace in there that I absolutely loved as well. Imagine how much it stings me. I don't do this often. You're so well-equipped for this situation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
It's a better way to live your life. Well, now, I haven't given up yet. It's only happened today. I've just put my claim in to Gatwick Airport. Come on, Gatwick Airport, do it for me. And also, I haven't even asked St. Anthony yet. What time zone is he on? He mightn't be up yet. He'll be up. It's quarter past one over here. I'm going to hit him up right after this pod.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I just need to, I need to put a real good one in. I'm going to have to do a good two minutes there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Do you remember? Listen, I will try anything. And if I get the bag back, it won't be because of Gatwick Airport.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah. I know you have two. She has to have a backup just in case. Well, you can have that little card and you have your password. So you've got your passport card and your password. We're the Faberge egg of passwords. Oh, can I also say one thing about Ireland? We are the safest country to live in in Europe. Are we? It's down to myself and Joanne. Wish I'd lost my bag there because you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I'm delighted to hear that. Me too. I was because I'm so patriotic. I was just like, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
That's why you didn't get your password back because actually Pat did the good deed in the end. You didn't follow through. So then the karma didn't come back for you, you know? You don't believe in karma either, do you? No, I don't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
First she tells me she doesn't believe in ghosts and then St. Anthony? What the fuck did he do to you? I'm a science girl. Okay. Tell me you believe in that doll they put outside weddings so it doesn't rain. What's the doll in Ireland? Come on now, Vogue. I barely believe in Ireland. I cannot. Listen. I can't remember his name because I've only had two hours sleep. Did I mention that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Thank you very much. You can shop there by Vogue at Boots UK now, which is just fantastic news. I'm going to go and see if there's one in Paddington Station where I'm off to now. And I am doing my book. Well, my book is on pre-sale at the moment. It's gone to print. Whoop! There's no going back now. Wait till you see what I was saying about you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Could you be arsed? Couldn't be arsed having to put on all the gear and stuff. It's like scuba diving. No thanks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
So it's Jeff Bezos' wife has gone as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Well, they're only probably going up for like, what, a few hours? Like, that'll take an hour. They're going up for lunch and coming back. She'll be back by lunchtime. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst then. I wouldn't mind if I was back by lunchtime. I'm not being like those two that were stuck up there for nine months and they came back down and they didn't look great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Let's be honest, they didn't look great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I mean, that is literally the dream life. Do you know what? Can I say one thing as well? Like if you've already flown nine hours out there, you may as well make the most of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Couple of tequilas, a couple of Xanax. He won't be able to go there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Joking, joking. You're going to catch him in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
That's actually the best advice you've ever given on the pod. Well done. Thank you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Well, that's it. As always, we've really enjoyed giving you advice. If you'd like Joe to get involved, maybe something of less of a sexual nature. He feels uncomfortable around the sex. He does. But Joe, do you know what though?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Sorry, you thought we were on a full episode. I actually just want to tell you one thing that my friend told me the other day because she was listening to the pod. Remember, I was going on a bit of Mice and Men. I was like, I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. Supposedly, we studied it in third year and I just have no recollection of the time I read it. Oh, dear.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Everyone, thank you so much. Bye. I feel like I've got something else to say. Okay, goodbye everyone. We're going. We're leaving right now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Just stay online until tomorrow. Boost away. Be online. Leave your thoughts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Joanne's going to start speaking Afrikaans to us soon she's just going to literally turn into a local I will be so turned on by you if you come home in a South African accent the floodgates will open I have to say it doesn't take much for your floodgates to open now from what I heard but I have to say
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Hello, everybody. And Joanne as well. Go on. What's the news?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I don't want to put you down or anything, but I just, I don't think you've, you were meant to be worldly for us and you haven't really, I mean, I'm sorry. You haven't done a great job. I'm sorry. I am, I am, Vogue, I am trying. It's like you've turned into a mermaid. Your legs are so close that they've stitched together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Under no circumstances There you go. I was trying to be I think it would be worse to find out somebody was in prison or something and then you've got like just tell them that you're a serial killer it will go down better than your Instagram.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I was trying to set Joanne up with this guy before that I know and he was like, oh, is she on Instagram? I was like, hmm. No. Not for you. Pinocchio knows.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Oh, Joe, how unexpected that Joanna's extended her stay. I would never have, I'd never have thought that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Set up a new Instagram, right? Set up a new Instagram where you are a marketing girl. Yeah. And just do selfies and put up some pictures of avocados and eggs and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chuck in the odd green juice for January 2025.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
you don't actually have to even lie you know those rotten ginger shots you always have pop one of them up you love them i love it i love it it's not even you know when you're like they're intimidated they're not they're just they're just like oh you're grand people used to people used to say that about me when i was like 16 and i'd be like this fucking alien walking along and they'd be like they're just intimidated because you're tall no and i was like i knew when i look back now i'm like that's why they didn't go near me i was a bitch i
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Vogue, I don't know if you were... Look, I'm not going to... I'm not going to say... Okay, I'm going to just get the... I'll get the evidence, okay?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
She's just going to have ice. She'll have ice just rolling down her body. Stop wearing bras as well. Stop it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Well, I will tell you one thing. It's them, not you. Right? That's how I feel about that. You've never looked better. You've never looked better. You look like Greg Crack in your Instagram pictures.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I think it definitely of course it matters of course personality matters because you've got to talk to someone at some point haven't you yeah yeah yeah but do they care and also what's holding me back Jo do you think I think that the men that you're choosing are the ones that don't have a great personality to be honest sorry that I said it oh god it came out but it's true nice fellas nice fellas just not much behind the eyes you know
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Just a lot of whey and protein. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Do you ever see someone eating a protein bar and they could be an absolute pig and she's like, here's one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
The noise of a blender turns her on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
You know that this is a bonus app we're doing right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. Look how happy she is that she's just found out it's a bonus. She's like, yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Girls, I'm Joe. Joe, we're putting you in this. I'm 29 and I've met a guy. Go me. I was in a long-term relationship of six years before this and it's been a long, exhausting road to find someone on the apps who wasn't a complete asswipe. I don't say asswipe enough. I'm going to bring that back in. Let's get that back. Asswipe. We like. He's great to talk to and we've definitely got chemistry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Enough that he's stayed over a couple of times. Just one thing. When we get personal, it's all way too vigorous. Ooh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
In my relationship... In my relationship before, we discussed sex quite openly, but I'm not sure how to do that with a guy I've not known as long. How do you say, in the kindest, least awkward way, can you stop riding me like you're trying to break open a... Oh, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Okay, I'll finish reading it and then we'll talk. I'm not sure whether to bring it up during sex, after sex, or when we're nowhere near a sexual situation, like at a dinner or something. Oh God, no! No! Why don't you bring it up when you meet his parents? Yeah, yeah!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I'm not being a shrinking violet and I'm enough of a feminist to be able to communicate what I like sexually, but I feel like it might be hard for him to hear because I get the feeling he thinks he's a fantastic ride. I don't want to puncture his ego or make it awkward. Please let me know what you think. Anon. Oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Four tequilas. You have to have a few drinks. You have got to have a few drinks. And then you turn into that sexy bitch. And then you just say, listen, oh, let's do it this way. Let's do it that way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Joe, when all your girlfriends said that to you, like, what did you say?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
You just need to sync up, talk and like try different things together. And once you start doing that, like it will become so much easier. But I think what you said, just a little throwaway comment.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
rude it's so rude you can't spend your life yeah you can't spend your life doing that either and you obviously really like him for loads of other ways and this is the easiest way to like this out of all things like if he was like really embarrassing in front of your friends and telling really shit jokes that'd be really bad to have to deal with unless you're only dealing with this easily at the same time though do you know when you're like it's horrible when you have a sexual encounter with a guy and you're like wow I'm literally a wank sleeve
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
But also, but also, first of all, we're not 100% sure he's done it and we can also see why that would upset you because that would upset me as well. I wouldn't like. Oh, it's not ideal. It's not like get divorced territory, but it's certainly not ideal. And if you want to talk to him about it, I think that maybe just bring it up and kind of figure it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I wouldn't go straight in with the handjob thing. I'd go in. Start light. Yeah, start light. Be like, oh, I didn't know that you were going for a massage. Like, is this something that you're doing a lot? And kind of like see the lay of the land that way to see if he kind of like look at his face and you'll know. I'm in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
We actually don't. I actually, genuinely, I wouldn't be 100% sure that that is anything. He did anything below board. I honestly, I genuinely, I just wouldn't because I just think he's gone. I go for massages and don't tell Spen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
You don't want us to infect you and make you stupid too.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I think we should get Joe tested. Well, you can get an at-home test for £70 and it tells you most of the infections. Really? Yes. Well, the sexual, I'm talking about the STI test here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I don't think it's common. I think it's a very like, because I think, I don't know, it's like you have to, like the whole act of it is just very, I told you about that man. There's a man who goes around and does it to women, like high powered women. But like, I'd find that, remember we nearly did it together. No, we didn't nearly do it together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Remember we were filming that pilot for the TV show and we went to this thing where we were basically kind of doing yoga together. And at the end of the yoga class, we're like, you're meant to just get yourself off in the room full of people. And you and I were like, yeah, we're not going to be doing that together today. Do you remember that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Joanne, have you got this on your whoop? You've got it will tell you how much younger you are.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
oh really yeah yeah it will tell yeah it does Spenny did it when he was when he's really really fit and he's gotten down to seven years younger than his actual age which is obviously horrifying to me but I'm working on it I'm going to start running a bit more and what's yours does yours tell you yours four years younger
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
To be honest with you, I've become quite a fan of the weekly margaritas. I have. But you know why? Because I decided to myself, even if I'm being insulted by my whoop and my aura, both are equally insulting to me. I don't care because I could walk outside right now on this quiet cul-de-sac that I'm on and get hit by a car.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
You know? And then I'll say, when I'm up in heaven, I'll say, you should have had that margarita.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
See what's going on. Let's crack the hood, Vogue. See what's going on in there. Crack the hood. Check that oil. Make sure that you've got washer fluid where the windscreen wipers are. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Absolutely. Check those brake pedals. Ha ha.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
How are the alloys looking? Hmm.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Reverse! How did you go? I would say that you have the eggs of an 18 year old. I'm just going to go with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Okay, I think that's the one more important.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Are you going Scandi? Definitely going Scandi.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Good choice. Good choice. Yeah. Yeah. Characteristic, six foot four, green eyes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
It's nice that you would consider that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Good style. Joanne's baby will arrive in a little baby girl and she'll be like, oh God, what is that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Some people go insane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I think it's, you know, I honestly think it's always a good idea to do that. I did that about, I just did that for fertility. I told you it's...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
it's really good for women to go and do that because I think people worry so much about it like I have friends who haven't even had kids yet and they're like oh god we're probably going to really it's going to be really hard and I'm like well you're not going to know if you don't just go in and get checked just do it just get it done also men do you know do you know men Joe when you get older you lose loads of testosterone and so you should be the Instagram ads that I'm increasingly being served suggest that I have almost no testosterone left whatsoever I'd love to be a boy for a day Joe what's it like what do you think about just tits
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Sometimes there's a quiet in your head.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Really? Just complete silence in there? Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Just wandering around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah, wandering around with no concerns or anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I described my brain in my book as Berghain. You know that place that you go raving in Berlin? I do indeed. I do indeed. That's what it feels like in here sometimes. So I'm glad that you're having such a holistic retreat, Jo, in your mind.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah. Looking good. Looking fantastic. Spanking with a little help from our team. Wouldn't change her ever-growing team.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Did I tell you about my new boob trick that I'm doing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Well, they feel a bit bigger today, but someone told me if I ate more sunflower seeds and if I had loads of collagen. Okay, Jo, don't you dare giggle for give me two months. And she said, this girl that I know said her boobs went up two sizes from eating loads of collagen over this period of two months. So I'm on a journey. I'm on a journey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me, the bonus episode with myself, Bo Williams, and herself, she's not on mic, Joanne McNally. I'm absolutely disgusted with you actually, Joanne. We haven't mentioned this yet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
She might be pregnant and she doesn't know. Imagine she's going to announce her pregnancy next month and I'll be like stuff in my face with sunflower seeds. Why isn't that happening?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Wouldn't change a thing. Wouldn't change a thing this year.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Exactly. I was on to Ewan and I said, I said, Ewan, what can I do? Come on. I was like, I can't, I don't want, I'm too scared to get surgery. What can I do? And he was like, I was like, is this true about the sunflower season? He's like, Vogue, I'm not even answering that. I'm not. But anyway, I'm going to show him and his doctor friends that actually. Yeah. Yeah. Make a wish while you're at it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Plant a potato in the garden. Oh, I've done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I've done a lot of 11-11s on it as well. So I'm never going to know. Is it the 11-11s or is it the sunflower seeds? I just don't know. I just know I'll have massive boobs. Yeah. Maybe you're Mercury's in retrograde. You just don't know. That's what I think if anything goes wrong. I Google.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Now, would you like an email? Sure. Hi, Joanna Vogue. I never thought I'd be emailing you. Never mind with the question I'm about to ask. Please keep me anonymous for obvious reasons. I'm 43 female, was recently on my husband, 45 male, phone looking up details of his nephew's communion when I stumbled upon a message to a masseuse in inverted brackets. Oh, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Get your eight-hour sleep, you're done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
it was a very generic message but he hadn't mentioned going for a massage to me so I thought it was weird so I looked up the massage parlour and it's a Thai massage parlour and has a very dodgy looking Facebook page with no female comments or likes etc mhm Do you or your listeners have any experience with Thai parlours? I mean, we'll finish the email, then we'll go into that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I just find it weird he never mentioned going for a massage, so why keep it a secret? He does have a bad back, but it all seems weird to me. Things have not been great between us. We're together for 25 years and married for 17, but I never thought this would be the sort of thing that would happen. Please help. I don't know what to do. Should I confront? I feel like you might have really...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
jumped to a very big conclusion just because it says massage, Thai massage, like I think a Thai massage parlour and I think of people walking on my back and stuff and like reefing my arm back beside my head. I don't think of happy ending massage parlours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
It's worse. Wanking. I just feel a bit like, oh, here we go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Joe, Joe, like, how is wanking to you, Joe? If someone else does it for you, are you kind of like, will I just do it? Like, I'll just, I feel like that about myself. Like, I know you have to have foreplay and it is great and it gets you kind of into it, but like, I'm not wanking till the end. Exactly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
yeah fine whatever Joe oh actually Joe you should do it too for fun well no no because already on the outside I now look older than both of you so Christ knows what's going on in the inside well what I will say is that like Joe has a newborn at the moment so his isn't gonna be great because sleeping is like sleeping will change every once you get enough sleep you're really giving your body time to recover and all that kind of stuff so if you sleep a lot you're doing well in life
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Honestly, if the whole 10-15 minutes max is like a great time for all... Oh yeah, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Not like a handjob. I was like, oh my God. A 10 minute handjob. Oh my God, I'm in a child's bedroom. Screaming about wanks. Sorry, I'm filming somewhere and I'm actually going red because in case the owners of the house hear me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I told them, I said, they said, where are you going? I said, I'm going upstairs to do a podcast with my classy friend, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
And they went, oh indeed, Dutch-ass Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah. Hi. Joanne is actually part of the Irish royal family. That's where her blood dates back. I know somebody who, her fella was, she found out that her fella was going to these massage parlours. And obviously they had a big falling out over it and stuff like that. And she felt really upset by it. But they were able to get over it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
So I think even if it is something that he is doing, like it's absolutely terrible. But he would be, like in a man's brain, I think he would be viewing that as a service, like as a part of the service. And he wouldn't be viewing it as a sexual act whatsoever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
So for him, although there is an end to the happy ending, I think it would be him just thinking, am I right, Joe, that it's just part of the service in a man's brain?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Happy World Book Day. We're recording on World Book Day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
You're the country goat. They thought I was in a World Book Day costume, Jo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Did you keep the flowers or did you give them to someone else?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Anyway, anything else? Oh, dreams. Dreams, dreams. Okay. Hiya, I've just listened to the last MTGM extra pod and you mentioned how you'd had a dream about being chased by a tarantula. Tea dressed up as a tarantula today. Dreams are one of my geeky interests and I love deciphering them. The way dreams work is you dream of the main aspects, then there'd be indicators and then a solution.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
In your dream, Being chased represents an insecurity. What you are being chased by is the indicator. In this case, an animal, which represent unexpressed anger. A spider means you are starting to feel like an outsider. A tarantula represents a feminine aspect of yourself. A wall represents obstacles or limitations. There are no indicators here, so I don't know what the obstacle is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
It's not... Floral. It's not neon orange. It's pink.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
To see the spiders climbing a wall means your hopes or desires will soon be realised. There you go. That's nice. Take that from it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Yeah. We can't be feeling guilty for everything. I don't remember my dreams. I rarely remember a dream unless I've done something really bad in it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Isn't it like your body... I remember the first time I noticed I had tear ducts and I was terrified. I had to run down and ask my mom why I had slits in my eyes. Yeah, because they are. They are slits. I was like, what? What happened? I don't remember being slit. Anyway, dreams, I just, I just, I think that it's your, your brain is kind of regenerating during the night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
So that's why all these mad lucidity things happen because it's what you were thinking of before you went to sleep.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Well, I mean, the other parents are dressed as Superman and like that man, the Mad Hatter. And I arrive and they're like, what are you? I'm like, excuse me?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Thanks everyone for listening. That was the bonus episode.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Spring normal. Spring... Spring normal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
No, I know. Please don't start doing that, Joanne. Honestly, because I'll have to hear it loads of times.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
See ya. I'm off to make some mushrooms. Bye then.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Oh, I do. I'm going to next year. I think I'm going to go all out. I keep I keep thinking I'm going to start making the kids costumes because my auntie Naomi made us a kangaroo tail out of some chicken wire and tights before. And it was brilliant for Girls Brigade. Yeah, I went to Girls Brigade. I'm not meant to. I should have burned as I walked in the doors, but they let the Catholics in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I went to Girls Brigade and I dressed up as a kangaroo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
now I did see one I saw one little kid a kid no less outside co-op yesterday with the ash are you sure it wasn't a bruise no it was definitely it looked ashy it looked ashy it was ashy was he an English child are you sure he wasn't he hadn't been hit in the head with a camogie ball or whatever they play what do you play Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I never have given up on the polo. I realise that it wasn't... Thank God! It wasn't the polo I loved. It was just the horse riding.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Absolutely. I've been sniffing around the Royals, as you know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Has anyone watched Megan's new Netflix? Now, I haven't. Megan's new Netflix. Have you watched it, Joanne? I haven't watched it yet. I nearly watched it last night, but I saw a bit where she was making her kids a rainbow platter of fruit. And I'm like, first of all...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Happy birthday to me. This is October. Happy Christmas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I love the idea of being a trad wife. And as you know, I was dabbling in it. Remember I made that chicken pie a while ago. I had dabbled, but like I am obsessed with that like level of perfection. I'm like, how is she doing that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Happy Valentine's Day for next year. Indeed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I mean, I just think it's too, it's so, it's like, it's like that bloody, you know, that angel perfume. It's so sickly sweet. That's kind of, I bet you she wears angel. Sorry to anyone who wears angel. I just wear men's aftershave and that's very sweet to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I will take a hit because I want to be... I'm on a journey to be a trad wife. My nails aren't done. That's not very trad wife. And I intend on making some sautéed mushrooms later. So that will be on my Instagram, if anyone...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Oh, okay. Well, I thought I was going to be that other trad wife who makes her... The Pony Blue or... No, I'm thinking of Bonnie Blue. What's your man's name? Blue. And the wife makes all those... I was sending you videos and you were like, go away, Vogue. It's not his name. It's just Lucky Boy, Lucky Blue or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
We're not American. We're not American.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Yeah, but I want to be like her. I want to... She's glam. She's shellac.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
No, it's not going to happen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Trust you to ruin us. I... I... I enjoy World Book Day. I don't remember us having World Book Day as children. We didn't have that, did we? No, it's all new. We had nothing. It's brilliant. We had nothing. In my kids' school, everyone obviously gets dressed up. It's really exciting. And all the teachers and stuff were dressed up. And I walked in in what I can only describe as a fantastic outfit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Vogue, you're hysterical. Did you hear my voice before I moved to London? I've slowed it right down for the UK.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
No, no, no. This isn't shit. This isn't shit. And I don't mean funny. I don't mean it in that way. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I'll never cook you a meal again so long as I shall live.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
We'll see. We will see. When you come back down here, I'm going to be like Betty Crocker in that kitchen and I will, I'm going to, do you know what I'm going to, do you know what I'm going to get for my birthday? A lobotomy. No, a whole set of Le Creuset.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Am I spicy? Am I spicy? Maybe a jalapeno spice, not a chili spice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I will take, I'm just going to dip the toe in. I'm not going to go full trad wife because I've got other bits that I need to do that don't involve being a trad wife.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
We need to start writing down the words Joanne comes out with. There's been quite a few. So come on, what was the last one you had?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Now that we've left autumnal, she just goes around and says spring, summer. It's not either or. It has to be spring, summer. Would you like to do some listener emails? Yeah, sure. John McNally. I need to download it so I can see your faces as well at the same time because I don't like not seeing you. Give me two seconds. There we go. Can you believe? Did you hear me when I said there download it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
But you couldn't download anything, John. I'm more techie than you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Okay. Oh no, now I've downloaded it like six times. Hang on. Sorry. Well, well, well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Update. Hi, lovelies. This doesn't need to be read out as it's just a thank you and an update.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
You recently read out my email about my partner of four years and my child's dad. Update. Partner has... Yeah, partner. I know. Partner of four years has been told it's not working and I need more from a relationship. I did this before I heard you read my email out. Pulled up them big girl pants and did what I had to do. Father of my child. Update. We... Wow. Do you remember the story now?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So father of my child update, we have decided to spend time together with our child, but don't want to complicate and confuse our son as he's never known us together. And we are also spending some time together alone, but nothing serious for now. Everyone needs an orgasm, right? And you know what? I'm okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
They're not together. They're taking things slow. They are spending time together with their son and they're spending some time together alone. And the partner of four years has been...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
It's a bright neon orange trousers and a bright neon matching trench. And the amount of people who asked me what I was. I'm lava. I'm a highlighter. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Advice isn't there to be taken anyway. Not at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
We've always known that, but now we really know. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Also, when that goes tits up, please. She is such a romantic at heart. She truly is. Do you know what I am?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Do you know what? Sorry. I came home from work today and I saw flowers on the kitchen table and me and Sven had a little falling out. Not a big falling out, but I was like, oh, he's come to his senses. And over I walked, these gorgeous flowers and they were... They were from Nux, the brand. Not from Spain. I was like, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
At least you'll have some flowers for the grave. I was so... You know when you're like, well, well, well, well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I personally wouldn't be a huge fan of that myself. Now, I have to be honest, I wouldn't really like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Are you, Joanne's taking the side I didn't expect her to take today.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Obviously, you can't own somebody 24 hours a day, seven a week. But if you're going out with somebody and you're not happy that they're going out, they go out on a Friday night, you don't hear from them till Sunday. Like, I wouldn't be happy with that. And I personally wouldn't do that to somebody else. And it's not something that I would accept in a relationship. But maybe you're okay to do that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I really wouldn't. I would like write weekends off when I was younger. They would just be like the weekend was for going out and that was it. But like, I wouldn't, I'm nearly 40 now and I just would, I'd have to be sectioned if I went out for that long. It wouldn't, like, and you guys wouldn't be able to talk to me for months. It would just be really bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
If it bothers you, which you're kind of saying it does, I don't necessarily mean, but maybe it doesn't bother you. Maybe you just want to know if he's cheating or not. Cheating. I don't, yeah, I think it's just maybe an up all nighter. And then, but he's not sleeping for the whole time, but he's sessioning, I'd say till like the next night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I was actually just, I was going to say that and I was like, no, there's no way she's going to be the one saying that. I've just bought four AirTags. It's for my kids now, but like. Tag them. I've got, I've got Spenny on find my iPhone. I don't need to put an AirPod, an AirTag on him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Jo, if you drop your AirPod in someone's pocket by accident, that's not your fault.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
No, Theodore, you don't have something for Theodore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
No, no. I don't think you should start doing stuff like that because it's like, you'll be looking for something that you don't need to be looking for. You don't currently want to look for it. You don't think that he's cheating. We kind of think that he's partying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
But if you don't like it, I'd say it to him and say, listen, dude, you're going to have to just, you can't be out of contact for 36 hours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Parts of me. He's turning the phone off, Joanne. The phone's going off for 24 hours. I just wouldn't be okay with that. I wouldn't be okay, even if you're a party girl or not. Or is the phone dying because he's out of session? Yeah, because no one has an iPhone charger. Come on. I don't know. I wouldn't be... Joanne...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
When we start going out with each other, right, which is eventually going to happen, it just will. When we start going out with each other, you will not be happy if I go out and I just let my phone go off. Actually, you know what? I won't be happy when you go out and let your phone go off for 20 minutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Yeah, no, I actually, I forgot about that bit at the end. I would not be, I would not be happy with that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Oh, she's still at the athletics track. There she goes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
How did she get to the Cotswolds?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Soho farmhouse again again I think that you need to definitely talk to him because when I look at this I'm like oh no one no one sleeps that long what's the longest you've ever slept for I slept for 10 hours the other night but you know what I'm like when I'm hungover I need to like I was asleep by half seven 10 hours is a long time to sleep
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Okay. Just tell us. I want to know the longest you've slept. I don't know. I have no idea.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Can I just say though, that is like a really nice thing to even think of because my auntie Naomi would come to my house every, Because she loves St. Vincent de Paul. So we give her all our stuff to bring St. Vincent de Paul. When she's there, she'll buy something for the kids. Weirdly, it's like they never have anything for Theodore. And she'll come up to the house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
It's my 40th in October. I want both of you tracked for my birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
She'll give the other two something. And Theodore is like, or, or, or, or, like a seal. Just waiting. And she's like, oh, I didn't get you anything, Theodore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I will, I will say there is a rule.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
If it's their birthday, it's different. If it's Theodore's birthday, I don't expect you to get anything for Gigi or Otto. It's Theodore's birthday. I'm very much in that. And I don't like if somebody wins something, they win. You don't win. Tough luck. Yeah. You're crap.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
When is Otto's birthday?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
What if I give you, it's out of three, okay? I'll give you, it's multiple choice for Otto's birthday, right? December... April or August?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I think it's not fair to either of us. Well, neither of us. It's covering a lot. Come on, leave it on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Did you go on... Did you go on... Well, in fairness, we obviously missed you a lot because we felt like you were gone away for five weeks, but you were only gone for three.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
He looks like he's just watched the boys on documentary himself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
It's very hard to understand that currency business.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Well, I only like to really think about it when it's working in my favor. So when we were in Australia, I was like, oh, hang on a second. Everything here is half price for me. So this is great. Yes, I will take those trousers I don't really want because they're half price.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
They couldn't be brighter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
What I will say is you could pop them in the wash. You can get this white remover thing. As the queen of washing. It's white remover. You only put it in the wash. It's not hard. And if you want to wash all colours like that together, you get like a colour catcher. Come on. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was I talking to you about it or was that Amber I was talking to about it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Joe, why don't you part it down the middle and give yourself some curtains? Curtains.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
It was Hadley. Hadley told me about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
They're all the same. I might fancy you actually don't do the curtains. No, I might fancy you don't do it. Don't do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I'm sure he didn't. He's 19. He's 19.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
And also, from what I've heard about Pakistan, it's very green and very nice. So she's being quite rude about what's meant to be a beautiful country.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Do you remember doing that thing with people? It'd be like, I'll catch you. I'll catch you. And you have to fall back. God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Sorry, it definitely worked. But we had like, we had enough people to be carrying a coffin around the person. So it was like, of course it was going to work. She's moving. Yeah, she's moving. Some of my friends upgraded to Ouija boards and sucking deodorant and I just wasn't involved. And that's why I stopped going to sleepovers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Solvent abuse. I don't even know if it still goes on, but I remember being a friend of mine. We were like, we were getting toilet paper and putting it in the garden and getting lighters and basically lighting the deodorant to light up the toilet paper and then chucking the deodorant over the wall. And then her mom, like, took us in and sat us down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Like, she'd found the deodorant and she was like, girls... This is so dangerous. And we were like, sorry. She thought that we were sucking deodorant, but we were just lighting things on fire.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Of course I know it's flammable. That's why I was using it with the light. It was like a flamethrower. We slept. hours doing that until we ran out of deodorant and hairspray. Anything that was really flammable.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Do you remember when I used to blow torches? I'd see a flame anywhere and I'd be like, woo, I used to love fire.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Oh, I thought you were talking about an actual rat's tail. Do you not remember people had the little rat's tail down the back? Do you remember that? Yeah. Yes, of course I do. I still like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
It is actually a disease. I obviously didn't have that, but like, but like, it's like you do get mesmerized by a fire. Do you ever look at a fire? You're literally like, it will literally put you into a trance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Don't remind me. That really freaked me out today. I don't want to remember.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
There's certain things over here, like we call being a brat being bold, right? And now I have to say naughty, but naughty wasn't like that kind of word when we were growing up. That was it was kind of like a sexualized word. Sexy word. Yeah, it's not anymore for me. No, don't. It's not anymore for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Now I'm like bold girl, bold girl. Yeah, I'm a bold girl.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
No, that's really sexual. It's a bit sexy, isn't it? Even when I, even when you go into Victoria's Secrets, it's like five pairs of panties and I'm like, oh my God, they've written it. They've written it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Dear Queens and Joe. Thank you very much. Firstly, please keep me in on so that my boyfriend doesn't kill me since we both listen to the pod. Oh. Secondly, I need your advice on something that my boyfriend does that makes me livid. I love that word. I'll start by saying that he's the sweetest boyfriend you could ever ask for. But he has this one little red flag that I just can't ignore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I mean, we all do have red flags. Yeah. At least once every few weeks he'll go on a night out with his friends and I will not hear from him for a solid 24 hours after that. He will literally sleep for over a full day after he gets home and will not wake for anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
The first time it happened I genuinely thought he had been in an accident and he must have been taken to hospital. Months later and it's literally infuriating. Sometimes he'll have a date planned and I literally won't know if he's going to wake up for it. I've considered calling to his house at times to make sure he's alive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
The second he tells me he's going out on a Friday night, I basically have to accept that I won't hear from him until Sunday afternoon. I don't understand how anyone sleeps for that long. Is this what dating Joanne is like? Could he be cheating on me and just turning off his phone? Am I delusional for believing he can sleep for that long? Should I call him out on it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I need your advice on whether he's just a baby who can't handle being tired or if he's just cheating on me and lying to my face. Joanne, no one can sleep for that long.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
That's what he's doing. That's possible. That is literally what's happening. I'd say he's going out on a Friday night. I'd say he's going to bed on a Saturday night and then he's sleeping until Sunday. But why would the phone be off the whole time? He's a party gal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
She's going to love that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Well, we're trying to make her feel better about herself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I think job done. Now you feel great about yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Who is this wise owl we have sitting in front of us today?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I mailed you back on TikTok. Did you mail me back at the TikTok? Yeah, I mailed her back and I said, oh my God, I didn't know that you could do this on here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Don't you love when you see when you hate some part of your body and then someone you admire and you see it on them and you're like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Thank you so much for listening. And we will see you next week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
And my book is on pre-order. Link is in my bio and Instagram.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Yeah, I showed you on a message that someone sent me. I said, she's like, oh, Jesus, just a random. Oh, Jesus, your lips have gotten way too big now. And I just wrote back and I was like, well, they're just my lips. So like there's nothing I can do about them. I haven't done anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
No, no. And I'll tell you what, when I see people with that lip flip, I was like, oh, that looks nice. But like, I never did it. But yeah, I enjoyed that now writing back to that. Thank you very much. I am complimented.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
No, I'm not sure I don't touch my face with your stuff. Not at all. Not at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
She got coloured lights and I love the coloured lights. Look. It's a good, a very full tree.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I know, she was down at my house yesterday and she came at the worst time. I was like, sorry, it's not easy. It's not easy like this, lying. It is, yeah. It was so, everyone was just screeching. It was like, high five, Joe. And I was like, I'm really sorry, it's really... It's very peaceful usually. Yeah. Quick, quick, come down, quick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Personally, I am thrilled. The amount of shite that got delivered for you yesterday and then she came and I was like, here you go. I literally helped her out with it. I was like, here you go. There's another one. Here's more. What are all those things?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
You ordered nine. I support the arts, Vogue. I support the arts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
The Framers was about to close down until Joanne started getting art and bringing it in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Where's Jo gone? It's so worth it. I don't know. Maybe his baby's crying or something. Look at us, we just, we just stop. We stall.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Mine are all gone. Mine are all gone. They're gone to nursery and school. I did the drop-offs. Otto doesn't even take a glance at me. He literally just runs into nursery. He loves it so much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
And as a child from a broken home, I also had a fantastic time. My mom was really strict. So I went there and I behaved. My dad was not strict. So I didn't go to school. I went on the piss. I snuck out at night. I had the best of both worlds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Basing it on personal experience, every second weekend and every Wednesday. There you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I have to say my brother, Spenny's a good dad, but my brother is really, really nails it. Nails it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
that whole sentiment stank no no no no it's just because they're too obsessed with me they can't bear it like they just want to be like he tried to get Gigi she sneaks into her bed every night he tried to get her to go and give him a hug and she just wouldn't this morning we were lying together having our own hugs and I kind of love that I don't I'm not like go on Gigi give him a hug I'm like yeah of course of course yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Do you know what it is? I wouldn't mind a perch, but I wouldn't choose it, but I hate... Have you tried to go nail on one knee on a floor before?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
No one knows who they are. No one knows who they are.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Get it. Get it. You've nothing else on. Go on, get it. It's gone to voicemail. No, don't get it. Your earphones have come off and then we'd be 15 minutes trying to get them back on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
post the Nikita Hand case so they take really like obviously Jo you know but for anyone who doesn't they take proper hard hitting news stories but they kind of take the piss out of the person who's been an absolute arsehole it's a satirical it's a satirical newspaper which doesn't actually physically really exist it's just online nice word satirical yeah very well done thank you satiated thank you autumno autumno
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
It's like when a kid, you know, when a kid does something wrong and you're like, say sorry. Sorry! Yeah. It's like that kind of apology. Yeah. I'm sorry you took offense. Yeah. I'm sorry you weren't happy with the way I acted there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
sorry you decided to feel shit about what I did but that's on you baby that's on you calm down sugar tits oh god horrendous did you see Nick Cannon has come out and said that he has got narcissistic personality disorder I did see that and I wondered why he did that. I mean, it's like turning around and being like, oh, hey, how are you? Yeah, I'm a serial killer. Lovely to meet you. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
But you know, what was his actual diagnosis? His actual, he said, his diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, admitting I need help. He was clinically diagnosed and is now working on self-improvement. I think that there is no self-improvement. It's like psychopaths. So you can't, you can't like, you can't make the better, it's like anxiety. You can't actually get rid of anxiety.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
You can only like, like live to learn with it and deal with it in your own little ways.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Well, a narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance. So you'd have that anyway. A need for excessive admiration and a lack of empathy. I do like a bit of admiration. I do enjoy it. Dear Vogue and Joanne, your pod is one of my all-time favourite things. I've laughed at every single episode, out loud, always from the work desk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I have a question. My partner has an ex who is an absolute 10 out of 10. Bollocks. She's had her boobs done, nose done, jaw filler, Botox, rocker style and has tattoos. She is a knockout.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I'd be thinking of things like, well, her baby won't look like her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I'd have to try and make myself feel better for some way I'd be like oh well oh god damn it you need to soothe yourself I don't consider myself bad looking but it's very hard to not compare myself to her in the past year I've considered getting some work done and getting some tattoos and I can't work out whether this is something I want for myself or if it coincides with comparing myself to his gorgeous ex
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Damn it. Any advice for how not to compare myself to an ex? And on a complete 180, any advice for how to slowly enter the world of filler and Botox? We don't know anything about that, so you'll have to, I don't know who you're going to talk to about the Botox and filler. And frankly, we're offended that you would ask. I'm actually complimented.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Wouldn't even go for a facial, not even a facial with just creams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Oh, natural. Oh, God, that's annoying. You just... Obviously, he prefers you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I know. I also, but I also think that you just, you just have to try not compare yourself to her because you aren't her. And like turning into her would be really weird as well. If you just start coming home with tattoos, he's going to be like, what are you doing? They broke up. They're not together. He's with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Will they? You'll eventually birth them through your knees. Through your ankles, actually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I don't think that he's saying that. I just think that she feels shit about herself because the ex is a 10 out of 10. But there's nothing that you can do about that. His ex is just unfortunately good looking, which is unfortunate.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
I'll tell you one thing. When you break up with somebody, you're definitely not comparing them because you're just, you're probably, once you break up with somebody, you're so like done with that relationship for the most part. That you're literally, that is the last thing that you'll be looking for. So he probably doesn't even fancy her anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Yeah, maybe she is revolting and maybe now he hates tattoos.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Well, that's just the way it works, okay? Tough luck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
My wife says she just doesn't have an interest in it anymore and doesn't know why. I'm not expecting our sex lives to be the same as when we were in our 20s, but I still thought we'd have something. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about having an affair. Ah, he's only thought about it, okay. And that's, I think that's... And if anyone ever showed any... You can't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Once Elon Musk doesn't bring this fucking thing out where you can read people's minds, we're fine. So we're okay for now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
no one anyone knew my thoughts you know when you're looking in the distance many was like to me saying what are you thinking about I was like a food shop anything but tell him what I was okay but to be honest I just want to have sex with my wife not anyone else oh god I know. I'm not sure why I'm telling you all this. I'm not trying to condone people having affairs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
It's never okay as far as I'm concerned. I guess I'm saying that there are lots of men out there who love their wives and partners and families, but who are miserable with the lack of physical intimacy in their lives. From conversation with friends, this type of scenario seems extremely common.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
So while I'm sure plenty of men use the no love and affection line to get what they want, it's a fact of life for a lot of us. Love the pod. Agreed. That's very, very, very difficult, I think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
The old me. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Spenny and I decided to go on a three day ski trip.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
But it's actually not always affairs are bad, affairs are bad. That's not... Everyone's, like... Case is very different. It's a case-by-case basis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Send in your rides to us and we'll tell you if it's okay to continue your affair or not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
The more you get to know someone, the more sexy it gets. Do you know what though? It could be around menopause. I just, I think definitely, I think there's some, it sounds like there's a lot of love in that marriage. There is a lot of love, but I don't think it's fair that he isn't getting what he wants physically. Like intimacy is very, very important. So I think-
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
alone on our own is that where you are now because I don't recognize the background yeah that's where I am now and I had a very we went out in the slopes and I kind of ruined we had a half a day to go on the slopes I really wanted to shoop shoop all day long yeah unfortunately my calves got in the way again got in the way again
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I think you have to keep going to therapy and maybe see if... Even a back scratch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I just think, I think sometimes in a marriage that, yeah, like that you do things for other people that like you're trying to keep like, no, I don't want it to sound bad because sometimes like if you're not really feeling the other person really wants to, in like a minute, I'm like, actually, no, I'm having a great time now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
It could literally be that because I'm just being a lazy bitch and I don't want to take out my earplugs and have to put them back in and et cetera, et cetera.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I know. But it does get to a point where then it's embarrassing. I know somebody who masturbates eight times a day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
what I didn't that they detached what happened so I went down I got my boots and I was grand the boots fitted me foot wise foot wise perfect fit calf wise not perfect fit I had to stop on the slopes and open them and I was like ah And I was breathing like when I was giving birth. And Svenny was like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, ah, ah, there's, ah. I was literally like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
And he was like, what's wrong? And I was like, it's the circulation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
No, she's got to buy bigger boots. So I got back onto that big boot company and I said, listen, I'll do the deal with you if you also make ski boots because now I'm in desperate need. I love this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I had my hair in a bun like that for New Year's Eve and I was like, Sven, do I look too much like Mrs. Trunchbull? And he was like, yeah. And I had to take it down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
The pleasure of taking the boots off, I can't tell you, it's better than anything I've ever felt in my life. I was actually like, oh!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Hey Joe. Everyone is so shocked and almost appalled when I post a picture of Joe. It's like what? He's not a 900 year old man.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
have a girthier calf like I don't understand why they're not being accommodated not many are as girthy as I not many it's a leggy sport you need you need a strong leg to push yourself forward ski if you will I would say it's more the thighs that are pushing you forward and Amber listen Amber would have the same problem as me because Amber too is on the larger leg scale yeah she won't mind me saying because it's very obvious we know we can't wear certain things like brogues and things like that they're just not for us and we understand yeah everybody's different tick tick tick
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Then it'd be absolutely right. No, I won't be right. I'll be straight into Debbie Thomas to get it lasered off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
It's going to be a local facelift by the time we're gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Listen, we all have our cross to bear. As other people will say, I have a wart hanging off my face.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
No offence, I'd be inclined to blame her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, do you reckon? The birth mother, yeah, I don't know why. Or Pat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Do you know what? Actually, why are you letting Pat away with it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You can't keep going on about the knee op. You can't keep going on about it. Sorry, it's been over a year now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You don't know what a varicose vein is. It's a vein that pops out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Only if you tell me if you have an appendix or not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You should be very proud of yourself. Well done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I have my own appendix, yeah. What about the tonsils? What about the tonsils?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I'll never be able to forget that. I'll never forget that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
And you're so disappointed when like the person, like I, I don't know. Thank you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
The way you said that there, he sounds pretty attractive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
No, you're not meant to get the tonsils lasered off. I asked Amber because she always gets tonsillitis because her and Joanne are actually twins separated at birth. And she always gets it. And she said, if you get the tonsils off, then you're prone to more chest infections.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
She does the roast, right? She's done that roast, like the Justin Bieber roast and stuff like that. I just love, everyone wants to see celebs get slagged off. I don't like roasts. That's all she did about everyone. Did you see what she said about Timothée Chalamet?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You're not good at slagging people off, though. You don't like doing that. Not to their face. And you don't like being slagged off yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I tell you what, my year's going pretty well. I've decided to be more Joanne in 2025. Have you noticed?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I look forward to seeing you hosting it next year, John McNally. Indeed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Where was it? Were you with me and we were with Sven and he slagged my tits or something and you were like, excuse me? Like he said something about me having small tits and you went for him and you're like, I'm only allowed to say that. Like he couldn't understand why he wasn't allowed to say it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
That sounds like you might have been serious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Joe, you can actually, Joe, I'd accept it from you as well. You've become one of the gals.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
The small titties are litty. It's litty.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Thanks. You always know how to make me feel special.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Well, you were off to South Africa and I was like, that bitch is off on holidays. She's dead right and I need to go on holidays. You're literally only back. That wasn't a holiday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Don't have to check them in. Yeah. Yeah. I save space in the baggage with no brass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
hi joanne and vogue i'd appreciate if you keep me anonymous i'm a heterosexual married man with kids in my early 40s i've been listening to the pod for a couple of years now and absolutely love it a lot of your uh listeners that are some people who are sleeping with men in relationship starts off the line he tells me he gets oh no i'm scared of this email Yeah. Yeah. Now, I'd find that hard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I'm not a complete horndog like I used to be. I've calmed down a bit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
however since we got married and since we started having kids it's been practically non-existent and then it gets awkward it gets awkward I was going out with a guy for a long time and then we just stopped having sex and then it gets to the point where it's like I'm too and now I'm too embarrassed I'm too embarrassed now it's like it's like you owe it you know it's like you've kind of yeah you're you're you're it's like an IOU you're like I haven't written him for a month and fuck you know it's like it's it's a crisis point yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
That was Christmas. That does not count. That was, that was in 2024. Joanne, I'm talking about 2025.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
we've been to therapy where among other things the topic of sex has come up my wife says she just doesn't have an interest in it anymore and she doesn't know why I kind of feel sorry for her as well then maybe she's going through her own thing she could be menopausal this is also true your libido does drop I'm doing a bit of reading on it at the moment I'm like the fucking canary down the mine because I'm going to go through it first and I'll report back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah, it differs from relationship to relationship because sometimes like I would earn more than the person that I'm with and sometimes they'd earn more than me. I do remember a stage where I was going out with somebody and I literally had no money at the time, like nothing, kind of living from month to month. And he kind of like begrudged having to pay like the rent where we were living.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But I just didn't have anywhere near the money he had. Yeah. I just felt like that felt a bit shitty because I'm like, you know what, dude, you are earning like 20 times more than I am. And in that kind of a case, it's like you should be happy to do that and still be allowed to have your own money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I think, do you know what? I read somewhere years ago, I don't know if it's actually the truth now, but like years ago, Keira Knightley would pay herself a salary of like what her friends would get paid a year. So she was kind of like on the same,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
wave like this I know but I think that I don't think that it's necessary to do something like that but I do think that like if you're in a position I think even as a friend like if you're going out with somebody and you know that you're in a position where you have more money like you should pick up the bigger bills and stuff like that. They can get you coffee another time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But it should be like that with him. You have a family together. He thinks you're being a snake, which I find really annoying because you're going out of your way to actually make yourselves have a better life. So I think the only thing to do is write it all down so he can see it in black and white.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
And also congrats for doing well in work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
And also right at the end of the letter, by the way, it doesn't matter if I have a nest egg, the way the British court system works or the Irish court system, you're going to have to share at the end. If you guys divorce, it's not a nest egg.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
It doesn't matter if you live with somebody for a certain period of time, same rules apply.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I am delighted for you that you are a contradiction onto yourself and I'm a hypocrite.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
We're disgusting. We're desperate. Two desperados just living life to the full.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I was doing a bit of acting yesterday to pretend to be on a Zoom. Uh-huh. And I had to be a bit angry for a while. I said, I'm not happy here. I am not happy here. With a big smile on my face. What if I wag my finger more? Is that kind of selling it? Otto does that now. He's like, don't touch my animals. And he just wags his finger at me. He's still giving me absolute belts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
If anyone knows how to stop your child hitting, please let me know. I'm in bits.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Well, I just got his Christmas present. I'm trying to catch up. Oh, I know what you're doing. You're getting the Chanel bag verified. Oh, silly me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I know. I'm sure we're whiting our eyeballs and everything. We go to the States to just whiten everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I spoke to you literally. When did we speak to her?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah, yeah, you can laugh all you want. I thought she was going to say, you are, I just, okay, I'll let you finish. I've gone, I've been to a scalp dermatologist. See, I think I love you so much that even if you literally had a bald patch on the whole top of your head was bald, like Friar Tuck, I'd still say, you're not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I'm here, Joanne, in a recording studio. I'm finishing off recording my book, Big Mouth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I have to say I'm not the biggest fan of myself anymore. There has been... Because obviously I've edited it, so this is maybe my fourth time reading and I'm like, I hate you. I hate you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
What kind of tablets... What tablets have they given you? Why have you gone for this? You must be getting something out of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Walton Goggins. And he's very in fashion, Joanne. So actually you're fashionable, ahead of the curve as always.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
There's a lot of costs to consider here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I'll tell you what. Has she not told you about Finasteride? No, what's that? I'm not on Finasteride, but men, a lot of men that I know are on Finasteride. And it's basically, yeah, like, and you see a huge amount, like Joe would have, like, you wouldn't even see Joe's eyes or anything. His hair would just grow everywhere. It's really good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But I don't know if it's just for men, but I don't know why it would just be for men.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I thought you could get like, I know somebody, a girl that, a makeup artist I know, Christina, got this stuff like PORP, I think it was called, where she got little rollers in her head and they put stuff in it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Well, that's nice. You know, because losing your hair happens after pregnancies as well. I would literally have these huge bald patches. But I know you don't see it in my hair, but I get my hair coloured in with eyeshadow when I do shoots and stuff like that because some of it is just really, really light. And that's from when I had kids and lost it and never came back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I think it happens to women a lot. And you know what, Joanne? Thanks for shining a light on this and making us all feel okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
a guy that I know was talking to his his wife and like he was like it was talking they were just talking about stuff and he was like why do you think I should go to Turkey and then she was like yeah and he was like oh my oh my god like she's like but do you think my my hair is that bad and she was like what he's like but like do you think that I need it that bad that you think I need to go to Turkey and she goes oh no sorry I thought you said therapy
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I told you my therapist has sent me somebody. Obviously, I haven't got around to it because he was like, do you think we should talk about it now? And I was like, what? And he was like, about like the way you are. I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, I think that you need to have a test. I told you that. I'm going to do it. I will do it. Jump, jump, pop, pop, pop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Joanne is on her, she's on her tirade of abusing Limebike. She sent me a video on Instagram of this girl crashing her Limebike. That looked painful. Crashing her Limebike into a bus. It's not the Limebike's fault.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah, including my family members. They all send me stuff and they send it into our family. My siblings, we have a sibling group and they send videos of exes. I'm like, guys, stop doing this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I kind of get that with breathing sometimes. You know, if you start thinking about breathing, you're like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
He's going to be telling everyone, look, I told you she'd come crawling back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Okay. Hi, Joanne and Vogue. Long time listener. First time emailer. I didn't think I'd ever be writing in for advice, but desperate times and all that. Myself. You must be really desperate. Are we the last people on earth? Ouch. I'm not just, I'm not being bad, but I think you dragged me down, Joanne. I think I give quite sound advice and I think that you dragged me down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Eat and eat, Jo. I'm not as bad as Joanne. Desperate times and all that. Here we are. Joanne and I hear the word desperate and you'll just see us bowling through the door. We love it. We're here. It's our business strategy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
myself and my husband have been married for six years together for ten and we have two children in the last two years I've made good progress in my career and hence my wages have increased significantly well done to you my husband has a good job but his salary has been the same for the last several years either way we both have a very comfortable life lovely home and our kids have all they need and more
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
lovely we have separate bank accounts essential I don't think I'd I have a joint but I wouldn't I have to have my own and use our joint account for all our bills and joint expenses which we split 50-50 However, I would like to add that I happily pay for family holidays twice a year and almost everything the children need, clothing, school supplies, activities, etc.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
We never know exactly what the other person gets paid, spends every month as our wages are paid into our personal accounts. It's never been an issue before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
During this meeting, the advisor read aloud both of our salaries, mine being about £10,000 more annually than his, plus overtime benefits. My husband actually went pale and instantly disengaged from the meeting. Afterwards, he became so... Sorry, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah, and it's plus... She'll get... Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Okay. Carry on. Anyway, okay, fine. Afterwards, he became so angry and a big fight ensued. He states that I am not a team player because I have been hiding my money from him. He believes he has been lied to. He also believes that I have been hiding this information in order to grow a nest egg to have for when I divorce him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Wow. That's just, it feels taking his anger out on you and some men aren't able, some men don't like if their partner earns more money than them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Also, I don't know what Spencer earns every year and he doesn't know what I earn every year.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
He also argued that my salary has not benefited our family as much as it should have. And if he had my salary, we would be far better off because I'm too selfish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
This is insane. He has said now that I should be paying more of the bills. A 50-50 is no longer fair. Ladies, please, what do I do? I've always been hyper-independent, which includes my finances, and I truly believe I work hard and give my family a nice life. Is he right? Should I be transparent with my earnings and spendings? Should I be paying for more? You already are paying for more.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I'm literally showing you my teeth like a horse. It's obviously my teeth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yes, and the kids' clothes and the kids' activities, they're really expensive. Oh my God. Or is he protecting his insecurities and feeling emasculated? How can I make him see my point of view? It's affecting our relationship massively. What do you say, oh wise ones?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I would. Honestly, I feel like he thinks he's in a position that he is allowed to say that to you and get away with it. When you should be like, if I was you, I'd write down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
all the additional stuff that you spend and show him on a sheet and there it is in black and white I wouldn't even have a conversation with him I would literally write it all out I'd write out what you want to say and I'd land it in front of him and under your breath say fuck you And then he'll see what you pay for as extra.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But like, Spen and I, like we try to split things mainly 50-50, but obviously sometimes people, like I'm going for lunch with him now, I'm not paying for that. But like, I think that you split 50-50 as much as you can.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I did those. No, they do not. I did those. I saw somebody else and I was like, oh my God, their teeth are so white. So I took myself home. I have these whitening trays and then my teeth are really sore today, but I'm like, I don't care, they're white.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But like, even in family households where it's not split 50-50, you work it out in a way that's fair and you've found a way that's fair where you're paying for the holidays and you're like, holidays are so expensive and you're paying for the kids' clothes and activities. So, And what's he paying for? Everything else, like electricity and bills and all that kind of stuff, the household stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Hello, we're just talking about that time when my brother walked into my room and he shouldn't have walked into it. Now I've decided I don't remember it, that it never happened because it was the only way to get through it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
No, in my mind it was, I thought you enjoyed it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
flex has to do with her wanting to ride her dad keep talking anyway we don't have we don't have the best relationship but it's okay here's where it gets even weirder I've always joked that my boyfriend would make an amazing pilot and now he's actually applied for the BA sponsorship program I'm over the moon and would marry him in a heartbeat if he gets in but is that a red flag
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
100%. I felt like that about chiropractors. I just have a thing. I'm like, wouldn't it be lovely every day to wake up and get cracked? Yeah. That's such a good idea. Yeah. Is it strange that my boyfriend is slowly morphing into my dad? Am I subconsciously manipulating him into my father? No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Or is his life just a bit dull and I'd rather he came home with exciting stories and keep the staff travel benefits? Would love your unsolicited advice on this one. Thanks. Maybe you just want the best for him. Maybe you're just offering him advice on something that he could really enjoy and he might enjoy being a pilot and then you get to fly business class at the same time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Yeah, yeah. Although Spencer did start wearing Cool Water perfume and Neil wears that and that was very off-putting for me now, I have to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I think that's great. I'm just fucking raging that I didn't marry a pilot for God's sake. Do they get the perks that we think they do? I don't. Well, in fairness, my mom still gets some perks from our lingus from when she worked there. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing like that, though. I haven't heard any of the I don't I haven't heard any of the business class stuff. I would have remembered that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I feel like that's going to be my torch to bear.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Do you want to talk to your shot and downer, okay? What? Talk to your shot and downer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Joe, you should know that if you've been working on your Irish Duolingo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
The tiredness of the world is upon me. Not nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Tell your mates. That's very good. Yeah, goodbye everybody.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
You do kind of tend to be like, oh, well, maybe, why am I not into it? What's wrong with me?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Maybe I'm not into it because it's crap. I think even in marriage, like Sven and I, we have great sex, but sometimes we don't. Yeah. Sometimes it's just like, and I'll literally be like, what was that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Always trust your gut. I would like to clear up. I don't want to say Spenny's bad in bed because he's not bad in bed. He couldn't possibly be bad in bed. If he was bad in bed, there'd be real problems after the life he's led. If he was bad in bed, I'd be like, well, hang on now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I'd have to give him that. He is. Fine. Listen, I'm going to give him 10 out of 10. You give him a go later and tell me what you... And then Joe, maybe on Friday, you pop over and you can grade him and we can all come back together and give a proper mark.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
People give me the absolute fear about that, I have to say, because mainly people are like, oh, well, if you're anxious now, wait till you hit the perimenopause. And I'm like, that's a really mean thing to say to somebody. Like, stop saying that. I'm literally terrified of it. My mom was okay. I don't remember. She doesn't remember going through anything too bad. Really? Yeah, she was all right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
She got on that HRT stuff, though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I'm going to open my bedroom door now and the peri is just going to be waiting on the other side.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I heard it affects sleep as well. I'm not bringing up sleep, but that would be one of my very, very large concerns around it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
You've like three sets of men's heads, really, in the one head, which is particularly lucky and greedy. Joanne, we never spoke about, I mean, you and I were like, this is a great thing to bring to the pod. And we were really excited about it. And then we never did it. What was your name for it? What was your name for it? We had a name for it. The Culture Pocket.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Culture Pocket. Now, it's mainly going to be in the main episode, but considering we forgot it because we went on a tangent of Eho Watness, so we want to talk about the Culture Pocket now. Sure, yeah. Hit us. So... Vogue, what's in your pocket? In my pocket...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I have no TV currently I haven't even started watching The White Lotus because I'm judging the book awards in London and I have to read six books in a month so I've started doing what you're doing which is one of the best things in the world by the way listening to a book in your ears I love it I know yeah fly through them and then you can kind of listen with your ears when you're out and about and then if you want to kind of a more immersive experience in the evening you can kind of check back into the book and yeah it does speed the whole process up
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
But you have to put them back because, you know, I like to collect my books and put them in there. I have bookshelves and I like to go and sit and look at my books and go through them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Hi, Vogue and Joanne. Longtime listener, Salpidine's sister. Oh, love. And a little poet who does not know it. I might have resolved this by the time you ever read this, but I just want to check if I'm being unreasonable or perfectly sane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I'm an attractive, successful woman in my early 40s, and I've been dating the cesspool of men for a long time, but I have not had to divorce or bear children for any of them whatsoever. And I count this as a blessing. I like this woman already.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I found that a trigger I have recently is getting to third, fourth day territory and allowing the lads back to mind for stimulating conversation and a life fondle. I find myself seeing rage clouds when they come in presented with large swathes of swaths. Swaths? Swaths or swathes?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
You told me privately, but you haven't told the listeners.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
of my personality on display in the form of art, photos, books all over the place and do any of them notice anything and ask a question to get to know me better no now I must caveat that I have gotten better at choosing the less narcissistic sociopathic types and the last few have been your classic nice lad but my god they're dull Jesus Christ I could have written this myself my god
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
In her mid 40s. Early 40s.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Should I just chill the fuck out and give them more time than four weeks? As a current example, and one that's prompted me to email, I told current nice lad, 44-year-old divorced dad, that he needs to plan date five because I love a man with a plan and I plan everyone's lives for a living and I'm tired. I'm the planner. I plan everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Anyway, his suggestion was I go to watch him build his fucking Star Wars Lego.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
The thing about it is, he's not even inviting her to do it with him, just to watch him do it. He has this for his 13-year-old son, but even when I said I wouldn't help but would drink wine and point out everything he's doing wrong, I don't think he understood my absolute sarcasm. Now I have to tell him point blank that watching live Lego Masters is absolutely not what gets a woman seduced.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I'm so exhausted. Am I being unreasonable?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
He gave her a ring and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I know, but Joanne, I mean, come on, for anyone, it doesn't even matter, regardless if I'm 28 and someone asks me to go play Lego with them, I'm going to say, dude, like, come on. Like, go play Lego with your friends. He's going to invite you to the Warhammer shop next. You've got to be careful. Do you want to play some Sega Mega Drive? No, I actually don't. Not today. Thanks a million.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I think this might be... I got you a Nintendo Switch for your birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
If everything else is good, maybe keep him on board for a little while longer, but be like, I'm actually all right for the Lego. I think you're going to be having sex and you're just going to start thinking of Lego.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
It's the system. I need some advice on what might be daddy issues or just my relationship in general. I've been my boyfriend for four years. He's great, super kind, really nice. But lately things have felt a little dull. Hmm. Hmm. Four years. Okay. Recently, I had a weird realisation. I've kind of started dressing him like my dad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Little sports. What a fantastic sports coat you have on. Little pair of driving gloves.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Dads love do barries as well. When they're having a break day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
It got to the point where when we all met up, they accidentally swapped coats and neither of them noticed for months. Oh, my God. My dad's a BA pilot, so I've grown up flying business class. What? And enjoying all the perks. There's been many occasions I've thought I've been born into the wrong family. And again, I feel like I've been born into the wrong family.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
15 quid? You need a boost for more than that. Hey, and you're absolute robbers. Have I lost touch with reality or am I just desperate? I'm sorry but yeah I do think it is £14.99 you've got to invest in yourself do you know what don't have don't have a coffee four times this week it's two frappuccinos or something
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
coleslaw I'm going to get coleslaw on the way home I'm going to have a coleslaw and white bread sandwich on the way home I'd use it as a mixer if I could just coleslaw in the sandwich no I'll put a bit of cheese in there I've gone off ham that's your fault I don't eat ham anymore good I'm disgusted glad I'm glad I know but I can't eat ham Listen, I'm not saying the pigs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I had honey bacon yesterday from this pizza restaurant. Oh, my. There's a little pot. Svenny got a takeaway. He was like, I got you a side of maple syrup bacon. And I was like, ugh. And then I tried it. Oh, my God. It's so delicious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
But I think Rhea might even be more bullshit. I did it for Alice myself, but Rhea might even be more bullshit because people think they're so cool because they've gotten on Rhea. And so they're just complete bullshit artists.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
And I would like to say, I would like to suggest getting yourself down to Battersea Park. Every Saturday, they do this thing called Park Run. I know everyone else knows about it. I've only just learned about it. Whatever. And I am telling you, the head will be falling off your girls. There's lots of nice men down there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Absolutely not. Thanks everyone for listening that is the end of the bonus episode. Goodbye.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
And so basically there was a big piece written in the New York Times and it was like this kind of scathing piece against Justin Baldoni. And then it turned out that actually it was Ryan Reynolds who had a friend in the New York Times who then did Ryan a favour by putting that in without fact-checking it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
So he put all this stuff in about Justin Baldoni and now Justin Baldoni is lost out to work and he's suing... Well, I'll tell you what, they're all suing each other now. So the lawyers are suing each other. The PR are suing each other. Everybody, it's not just Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds and Justin Baldoni. Everybody's suing each other now. And it's gone mental.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
It was the most embarrassing where she basically described herself as Khaleesi from Game of Thrones and she had her dragons and her dragons were Ryan Reynolds and Taylor Swift. And I'm sorry, I would not fuck with either of those people, but she was basically using it as a threat to force Justin Baldoni to accept her rewrites of
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
We said that we were going to deep dive Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
No, I mean, there's just so much to digest from that, though, because like I read the book and I loved it. And one of the scenes she wanted to change was one of the most pivotal scenes in the book. And it's like you can't really like people who were and she didn't read the book before. She didn't read the book. She took on the role.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
And it's like, that's such a big, as a huge fan, that's how I fell in love with Colleen Hoover. And I was such a massive fan of her books before I found out they were for teenagers and stopped reading them. I was like, you can't do that. You graduated. I graduated, yeah. I'm on to John Boyne now, okay? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
even I've never read the book and even I am like oh my god Blake Lively tried to rewrite the rooftop scene I didn't even all I hear is like the rooftop scene the rooftop scene the rooftop scene yes but then there was another thing where Blake Lively was basically said that Justin Baldoni stormed into her dressing room when she was pumping like breast milk pumping breast milk and some people want to be super private from herself from herself just for clarity yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Not from a cat or anything. But then he leaked those messages. And in the messages, she's like, oh, I'm just pumping. Come on over and we'll run through lines.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I don't. She's fully innocent. No, but like even with the weight thing there, like you brought that up. There's so many different parts to it. The messages he released were like, she was asking to shoot the body scenes at the end of the film because she wanted to lose the baby weight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
And he's like, I actually am not in control of any of that, but I will tell the writers that that's what you would like to do as a preference. And like, I totally understand that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
He's sending weirdo long voice notes as well, though. I can't believe anyone would listen to that shit. One minute is all you get for a voice note or just ring.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
There's just so much. It will never end. We've got, Joanne, we have years of this now. This is not going to be, this is, you are, that's it. Stop doing what you're doing. You've got a couple of years worth of this stuff going on now and I'm thrilled about it. I'm a bit disappointed because the Kardashians are back on six. I'm going to have less time than I'd like, but I'm ready.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
That is a real, that's like, you know what? This is how angry I am. I will sift through these messages like no one's business.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
So you wouldn't be able to concentrate on stage?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Forget all your jokes. You'd be worrying about what's happening between them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Hi ladies and Joe. Love the pod. I've been with my partner for five years now. I'm mid-thirties and he just hit 40. We are besotted with each other. Oh, that's sweet. That's very cute. Bestos and sex life is great. Love. Of course we have our arguments but they mainly come back to the same thing. I would love to get married but he doesn't believe in it. Right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
We have had endless conversations about it, both aligned and not being wild for having kids, but he is not budging on getting married. I love him. He's my best friend, but I feel I'm being forced to make a decision if I'm happy to be with someone who doesn't want to get married or do I cut and run knowing I may never get the opportunity to love someone as much as I love my man now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Oh, that's very hard. That's tricky. I wouldn't... Okay, let me finish it first. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
pressure from friends and family doesn't help but I also want to get married and in my head thinking shouldn't love be enough for him to get over himself and his fear of marriage sending love I just think that I don't think that that's a cut and run job for me I think that if I was with somebody and let's say they didn't want to have kids with me that would be a cut and run because there's such a big difference but I think that like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Being a married woman and having gotten married a couple of times, I can understand why you wanted to get married. And I did want to make it official. But now that I think about it, I'm like, I don't think I'd be that pushed for when I'm planning the third.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Yeah, it's not that it's not all it's cracked up to be. It just doesn't change a lot. It's just like if you want it and he's really... I don't understand why he would... Loads of people don't. I know, but why he would be so against it, is it because you don't want to organise a whole wedding and spend all the money on the wedding? Or is it because he actually just doesn't want to do it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I feel like, okay, let's try and explain it slightly. I think people, a lot of, everyone kind of knows what's going on. Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni did a film together called It Ends With Us. And it was based on this hugely popular book by Colleen Hoover. And then they turned it into a film and there was obviously bad blood as they were doing the press because they never did press together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Yeah, but also, let's say she's been with him for five years, right? They're partners. Eventually...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
there are there are rules that like regardless of if you're married or not if you're living together and cohabiting for a certain amount of time there's the same rules apply as to if you're married to somebody and you have those legal documents it's the same kind of stuff of splitting things up and like legally it's always a nightmare if you've been living with someone for a certain amount of time and I think like I suppose I don't know how I'd feel like I suppose I'd feel sad if Spencer didn't want to marry me yeah but if I really wanted to do it I just thought like why not do it for me but then I guess his point is well why not not do it for me
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I don't know I don't think I would do a runner like you're saying like your relationship sounds so nice I wouldn't let that be a sticking point to end a relationship but I would maybe ask him about it is it to do with like money and having a big wedding and having attention on you because it's really embarrassing it's really embarrassing to walk down the aisle do you remember the breakup with Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck no Mark Anthony no you're thinking of J-Lo oh yeah that's who I was thinking of Jennifer Aniston oh yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
By the way, I saw a video on Instagram of JLo walking through her old neighborhood and some guy is standing outside the house and she's like, hey, I used to live here. And he's like, what? I used to live here. And he's like, who are you? And she's like, Jennifer. He couldn't have given it a shot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I think, I don't know if I could listen to that. I think it would make me really sad. But saying that I'm just, I'm sad because I was drinking on Saturday anyway. So I have to be careful. It has to be very uplifting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I mean if you've spoken to him if you've spoken to him and he says he doesn't want to I don't know how you change his name but I don't as I said I don't think it's as big a decision as if you met somebody who didn't want to have kids when you wanted to have kids that's a walk away moment I think for me personally yeah I agree I don't really have I don't really put a lot of weight in marriage but I'm
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
They never really spoke about each other. Blake Lively was getting the worst press because actually she wasn't mentioning what the story was kind of about. And it's, it's about, it's a domestic abuse story in the end. And then people were going at her for that. It was Justin Baldoni's film.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Hi, Vogue and Joanne. Love the pod. Long time listener. On last week's podcast, you suggested you could help people with... Did we get any of them? We did suggest we could help people with online dating.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
It was a legal issue. I know it was probably a joke, however, I need help. I'm a 44-year-old single mum with two kids and I've been on Hinge for about a year and not had a single date. What am I doing wrong? I'm a personal trainer and Pilates teacher in my own house, very independent and enjoy your freedom.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
However, it would be nice to meet someone to go out for dinner with or on a few dates at least. Do you have any advice or tips? Joanne, should I pay for a booth? Love you girls. Thanks in advance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I mean, he really hurt her. I just wouldn't bother. I think that you haven't had him in your life for that long. Your husband won't be happy. It's going to cause drama and heartache. And for what? Really? There's no point.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Because Joanne wants to know what happened.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
If Spenny and I sometimes have, I'm like, if you say, if you say one more thing, one more thing, I'm blocking you. I'll block you for the whole day if you say one more thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and... Can you hear that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Oh, I was dying to see that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, you have to put a bit of time aside to cry. You've just got to do it. I haven't had my cry this month and I'm just like, it's overwhelming coming up to Christmas. There's a lot going on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I actually, to be honest with you, I wouldn't mind. I need a good half hour, I'm feeling. And it'd be nice to have company for that cry. But don't touch me like I don't want to be touched. OK, don't ask me if I'm OK. Just let me cry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
No, I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable with that. I'm not used to human contact too much. That would make me feel like I wasn't allowed to cry anymore and I'd start feeling embarrassed. Maybe, you know, I'll just, I'm going to cry alone. I'm in a dressing room on my own here. So I might just, once I get off this call, I'm just going to, I'm going to go for it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I always get the urge to call you Joanne. I don't know why. It just sounds so fancy. Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, I rang Spenny. It was after dancing and I just wasn't doing so well. And I felt really sick, like I've had a really bad cold. And I was really sick and I knew I should have been in bed. And I was like, I'm going to take myself for a coffee. And as I was walking out to Gail's, I was like... And then I was like, do you know what? Do you know what will fix this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
A fucking sausage roll from Gail's. And did it? Yes, it did. Did it? Yeah, a sausage roll. And now I never want to have a sausage roll from Gail's again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Look at the way she's sitting. What is she sitting on?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I was thinking, do you want me to uninvite Spen?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
You won't believe what happened with Spenny. Joanne was just asking out of politeness and then Spenny was like, okay, I'll come. And all of us were shocked. Mouths to the floor. Couldn't believe he'd agreed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Even I threw it away asking him. I was like, do you want to come? Like, just like, oh God, going to Joanne's on Friday. Not going to be great. Do you want to come? Like, do you want to come?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I was like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I got offered a job to work with these knee-high boots. Love knee-high boots. Love knee-high boots. But they're specifically knee-high boots for women with larger calves.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Now, in fairness, I do struggle buying a boot. I struggle getting a boot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Cavs is on the way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
What's going on? I'm very sick. Are you back vaping? I'm very sick. I'm not back vaping. No, I'm not. I'm not smoking. And you're not going to be happy with my new drinks rule. I'm not putting up with the anxiety anymore. I can't do it. I have a rule. I'm trying it for three months and I'm seeing how my life turns out. I'm only having two drinks when I go out. That's it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
And I'm cutting it off after two drinks. And I'm going to see how my life rolls out just for a few months to see if it's worthwhile, to see if I'm getting my fix enough. I don't want to go wild. I just, I feel so normal that I just, I just, I can't. You know what I'm like when I'm hungover? I'm like a wreck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Ooh, I imagine having sex with a Joanne. You'd be like, oh, go on, Joanne. Go on. Great job, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I don't want to be like that. And listen, I'm still drinking. I'm not like one of those people that you're like, oh, go on, just have a drink. Like I'm still going to have a drink. I'm just going to be a bit more responsible with my drinking. So I'm not annoying everybody around me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
No, because I've been dancing and having a drink and since I haven't been drinking I'm like, this is actually a better version of me. I'm not annoying you. Or myself. Less anxious. No beta blockers have been taking in the making of this dance show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
You don't, yeah, but you don't have pity parties. You don't, you're fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I actually knew you would, whereas I haven't, I haven't had the courage to tell Amber yet because she wouldn't be as nice as you. Amber will literally be like, oh,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Spenny and I were only talking about the shit times because Otto has just been waking me up at six o'clock in the morning. Spenny was like, but imagine when they were like teenagers and they're all so happy to be hanging out with each other. And I was like, yeah, imagine in 10 years time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
She doesn't do sociable stuff, though. She doesn't really go out, she said.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Am I right? Yes, I got my Strictly cup and I was feeling a bit flat because I had recorded my dance because I recorded to watch it back to see what I can improve, which is everything. Oh, God. You have to do it. And I don't know, I'm like, stop putting your head forward like you're trying to dive into a pool. Put your head back. Anyway, I was like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
And when all your friends die, because they're old, then you'll have your kids to be your friends.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, so when you pass away way before me, then I'll have my kids. You know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Murphy's law. She's like a gherkin. What is she doing to herself? You know, when you put yourself into the brine. She's vinegared. She's vinegared herself. She is like going nowhere. They're going to be like, this bitch is 148. What the fuck is going on? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Hey girls, hoping you can give me advice on this one. I had a very close friend who for many years, we had a little moment here and there. Yes. We had a connection as friends that was kind of special, but when we were out, he would take me aside to talk alone or give me the talk on how we should be together. Oh. Oh. Sounds like more than a connection. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
When we finally gave it a go after many years, I found out he was speaking to another girl. Wow. Which he denied, but then ended up in a relationship with her. Yeah. Of course, this ended our friendship as I got very hurt. Very fair. Fast forward six or seven years. He has now reached out to me telling me he is sorry. Six or seven years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Telling me sorry and wants our friendship back and would love to speak to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
imagine someone remembered you again after six or seven years it's like dude let it go a connection is a connection some connections do not die so I just don't know if I should forgive and forget my life is very different now and I'm also married in the last few years love listening to your pod every week it gives me life and many laws while I'm living far away in another land I would say I'd steer clear of that that's a disaster waiting to happen if you let him back in
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
If you don't want drama in your life, don't let him back in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
If you're Joanne McNally, if you're Joanne, let him back in straight away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
She's happily married. Why should she bother her whole letting him back in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I'll show Gigi she'll love this now she'll love it and I whipped out the dance and I started showing her and she goes no I want to see Carlos with the other girl and I was like you don't know what's your mother because I showed Carlos dancing with like a professional dancer and straight away she was like no I want to see Carlos with the other girl I was like no we're watching mama and she's like and she kind of just turned away Gigi I'll show you where I am
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
It sounds like it could turn into an emotional affair pretty quickly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I'm repping the... You're repping the guy who fucked her over and then got back in touch with her seven years later?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I wish that I had bloody like invested in this company. I didn't know everyone would be so into it, but they are. And now I'm into it unless something goes wrong.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
yeah you stand on the machine it tells you what's wrong with you but then sorry that's just reminded me of a story that I told Amber this week this woman went in for an MRI scan and like they use like metals in that and you can't wear any jewellery or anything like that in it because it pulls the jewellery this girl was wearing a butt plug that said it was fully silicone and it wasn't there was some metal in it and it reefed it up her arse and it lodged in her chest eventually she didn't die yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You be careful, Joanne. Oh my God. Be careful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
A pigtail. I don't mind a bun. I always think of pigtail buns when somebody looks quite nice, but I did see a man with pigtails before. I don't mind if you want to wear pigtails or not, but I just think Above the age of 30, man or woman? No. Like, if you turned up here with pigtails now, I'd have you sectioned.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
In fairness, we can't really have that much of an opinion because we're not butt plug wearers. So we don't know when it's appropriate to wear them and whether or not you wear them every day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Joanne, how many of those little vibrators do you lose? I'd say there's a couple up there now. You're always losing them. Not in me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Okay. Well, I'm sure one might have found its way up there. I'm missing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
This AI will never take off, okay? Pick a side.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You're going to scare me. I'm going to start storing water downstairs now. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Did you see that woman on the plane? I reposted it being like, oh, people filming me on the plane again. There was a woman doing all these exercises on a plane, but she did it for like an hour and 15 minutes, a two hour flight. And everyone was like, I honestly thought that was Joanne. I was like, have you ever seen Joanne on a plane? That's not what she gets up to on planes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'll break up with him if you want me to. Everyone thinks it's happened already, so I feel like there won't be that much heat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
If you turned up in pigtails, I wouldn't say a word. As soon as you left, I'd ring Sven and I'd be like, Sven, there's something, we're going to have to say something about Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I think that would be really cute because also I think the people when they're on... Because I was on my friend's Raya the other day and I was doing Raya for her because she'd gotten bored. I didn't know you have to take a 15 minute break when you've done too many people. Anyway, I was going through and it's just so cutthroat. It's like, no, no. And then I started doing it and I was like, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I actually think that's a lovely idea. We should do a Valentine's event.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh my God, we should do a vlog. I know, it's a bit late. It's a bit late now, yeah. Well, at least the thought was there. The thought was there. Fuck it, let's not do that. The thought was there. Do you know what? The thought was there, but we're sorry we couldn't follow through. But the thought was there. Our hearts were in it. We are thinking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
into hello at mtgmpod.com let's get let's fucking I think that's a really and we could yeah we could try and set a couple of people we need to know where you're from you have to know where you're from because people have to be linked together that live near each other Jo you're going to have a really busy week with emails
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I had an afternoon nap the other day. Do you know what woke me up? I woke me up. I was literally going, mmm. And I looked at my watch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
We're waiting for the text to say you're not coming back. Do you know I'm not in studio, have you noticed? I actually was. I thought I spotted you coming in in pigtails, doing a little skip along the corridor. I'm sure that was you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
How many drinks were we in here? You wouldn't do that. Spinning Susan T. Schick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Somebody must look after his Instagram so he actually doesn't have a fucking clue who we are. Thank God you embarrassed yourself and not me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm thrilled for you. Yeah, I'll be back in March. I don't think February is a good month. It's not. I don't know if she's serious or not. I'm coming back in March.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
any an inch of recognition nothing that's why I'd always like I'm always standoffish with like a well-knownie because I'm like I just don't want I can't that kind of level of embarrassment we're not friends would be very painful to me I'll tell you what I'll ignore him when I see him as well will I okay yeah he's cut now he's out he's out yeah and fair enough to him he was trying to be sound
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
We love chatting about little break-up-y bits, but did you see that thing about J-Lo and Kevin Costner? What Ben Affleck supposedly has said.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Well, Ben Affleck has supposedly come out and said, and this word is what really got me, he was disturbed by the love. So that is like trying to make someone seem like they're mad. Saying, oh, I was very disturbed that they did that. There's nothing wrong with it. She was skeezing on Kevin Costner like most of us would do. Ben made the comment in March 2023 about JLo when they were still together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
He said it on a podcast. He said he was pretty disturbed that JLo loved Kevin Costner so much that she would swoon over his Instagram and romantic scenes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
She was enjoying drinks with Kevin in Aspen recently.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
She has done her work. Of course she was because she's a smart bitch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Yeah, that's a good, that's a good revenge. I did that to somebody before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Do you reckon she's riding him? Because I kind of had a vibe that Kim, because I saw the new trailer for the Kardashians. It's coming on February 6th. So no one talked to me because I'm watching the whole thing. And Kim Kardashian says she's been dating somebody but kept it a secret. So I know that she fancies Kevin Costner too. I'd say there's people fighting over Kevin Costner. I mean, really?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
He's 70 what? He's 70. Yeah, that's okay. I wouldn't mind 70.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'll tell you what to do. And it's what I do before every holiday. Doesn't matter how far in advance it is. You need to book another holiday. We're meant to be going away with our friends, our friends that we've known for a long time. In June, I've booked my hotel. I've sent you on the hotel. You need to book that. It's only two nights and then you'll have something to look forward to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I don't even think he looks like he needs Viagra, to be honest with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
He looks good from his videos, though, I have to say. Now, not good, improving, which is always good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I have to say, I didn't recognize him from that. You reposted a video and I was like, where is he? And then I realized he was just covered in muck. So he did look very.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
so jarring for me I don't know if I wrote to my left I kind of thought we were the same I feel like you can tell if somebody has a bit of rhythm as well by the way they like walk around and stuff and get about during the day but like people thought that I could dance when I can't but like I wouldn't have said that like well if I watched him walk towards me I wouldn't have said dancer but then he can dance no me neither me neither but did you see the video of Sophia Richie that went viral where she was kind of like vibing to the I'm So Messy song good dancing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I realise it took you over a month to tell us as well. Leo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
She filled her little... That's the job you want. I filled her little water page with wine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Well, I mean, I think I've seen you run before. I have. I wouldn't. It's not a consistent run, I would say. You run and stop and then run and stop. You've seen me walk with speed. Yeah, I have seen you walk with speed. For sure. You don't walk slow. You're not a slow walker. But I would say that you take a lot of breaks whilst running.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I mean, that's an unusual question to ask somebody anyway. Does she give like a Kipchoge time of like 12 minutes? No, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
And I was like, I'm sorry, I just don't track. I don't track. I've met loads of non-trackers. I'm sorry. I went running with Spenny the other day. Well, actually twice. I went running with him about a week ago. And then he started being like, come on, this is ridiculous now about my time and my speed. And I was like, listen... I'm coming out here to enjoy myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm not coming out here to have someone slagging me off. And so I went running with him again the other day and I warned him. I said, Spenny, I'm doing six minute kilometres and that's what you're getting out of me. Less of the sass. And I don't want anyone slagging me off. I want to go enjoy myself and do a loop of the river at any speed I so wish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Of course, he puts it in as a recovery run for himself and I'm thrilled at myself. Anyway, I'm running along the river. I'm running along the river, and I saw a huge piece of dog shit, so I tried to sidestep the dog shit, went flat on my face, my phone flew out of my hand, I have a big black elbow, and absolutely, he kind of kept trotting on, and I was like, oh yeah, I wish I could trot on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You know when you're so embarrassed by yourself, and there was these people who tried to help me up, and I was like, oh please don't, please don't help me up. Just let me get up alone. I don't want to help. Don't help me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Nothing really happens in January. I'm sorry. Everyone's just getting back on the bandwagon. Don't worry. I won't have you feeling bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
That thing you posted as well, like, it's just, there's too much, okay, we're going to have to do it in the bonus, but it is so good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Go look at Candice Allen's place. She's got a take on the whole thing. She's very far right. Yeah, she's read the whole lawsuit. I've looked into bits and bobs. I saw something else today. There's too much to do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
no you just can't you can't well everyone thank you so much for listening that's it from myself and Joanne thank you we'll see you for the bonus where we'll be deep diving from me and my two work wives good night and good luck
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Where are you starting the tour? Where does it start? In the UK or Ireland? Cape Town, hopefully. Did you find that manager you wanted?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
get into those fucking clubs I was like I'm sorry I'm just having such a lovely time well that's enough lovely time for you you're home in two days get your shit together I'm gonna I'm gonna come and sneak we'll sneak to some of those clubs and watch her and make sure she's doing her bits and bobs yeah you just whip me from the wings I'd be too scared to sneak in on her. She'd give out stink.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
No, I wouldn't even want to do that because I'd actually feel uncomfortable making eye contact with you as well. I just wouldn't like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Now, Spenny keeps asking to read my book because I'm doing the edits on it now. And I'm like, you can't have the book until the book is complete. And then you can have the book. And even when you see, well, I know I've not written anything bad. Do you know what I mean? I'm not. Yeah. Whatever's in there is truthful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You're not getting sent the book, so don't worry. You're not getting sent the book. And everybody else who is in the book, I mean, if you did what you did, you did it. So you're in the book. Hold on a second.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You never asked me and Jo for any photos. I'm not having any pictures. I was thinking that, but I'm not having any pictures.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Sorry, missed opportunity. And I know that you've sent me a whole wee transfer of your favourite pictures, but I'm afraid they won't be going in the book. Now you're making me question it. Maybe I should. Maybe I should.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm never without a hoop. You're like a Christmas tree. You need to add as much as you can and it really brightens up the face. I went through a phase of wearing a headscarf as a little bow on my head, like a headband. And I looked... So ridiculous. She lost a hoop. Oh, I thought you lost a hoop. You lost a headband.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Do you know sometimes when I'm having people over for dinner, I'm like, will I give them kitchen roll or will I do the napkins? And I'm like, kitchen roll, kitchen roll. That's to wash.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
do you know what I mean I'm all about you I'm like keep it real keep it real give me a kitchen roll I swallow my chewing gum I know everyone thinks that's really rotten but I do I swallowed some yesterday just yesterday I did because I know where to put it and it doesn't stick in your stomach it doesn't It doesn't. If you've never had to put it, put it in your stomach.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Like, that's what the stomach is for. Did you know, if you shoved your hand down your throat and into your stomach, your stomach acid would literally burn your hand away. That's how strong your stomach acid is. So, of course, it's getting rid of the chewing gum.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Well, did you know it was that dangerous if you stuck your hand in, like in your stomach pit? Yeah, I've done it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Any news, Vogue? Well, I went to, it was Alzo's birthday. He's 30. And I took him to see Peter Kay. On Saturday. Oh, yeah. And it was, obviously, I drank again. I mean, dry January has become somewhat of a joke.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I was going to say, I had a little, a damp January that then turned into a complete flood. And the floodgates had now opened and I just haven't stopped. I don't care. I don't care. I had a good time. Went to Peter Kay. He was...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
so funny but I was wearing a bodysuit right and you know I don't know what it is about bodysuits but when you put one on you're like oh this is a bit sexy me and my sexy bodysuit until you go to the toilet in the bodysuit and when I was putting the bodysuit back on in the toilet you know when you're like trying to clip it back together it's so unattractive and then I was like actually I've been reefing this thing out of my ass all night this is not they're not sexy and they're not attractive actually when you think about it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I mean, yeah. And then there's a question of do you wear knickers with your bodysuit or do you just let the bodysuit do the work of the knickers?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I know. It's like it's one of life's mysteries.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I must admit, I wear knickers, but then I'm like, maybe I shouldn't be wearing the knickers and it wouldn't be as uncomfortable. There'd be less to remove, you know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I know, I know. It was a tough question to start the day with, to be honest with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh, and ChatGPT doesn't know the answer. This is why I don't think anything of AI. It doesn't know everything. Jo, did you ask ChatGPT? Yeah, I didn't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I read a story about ChatGPT about this author who basically is being accused of using AI in their novel because they left a prompt from ChatGPT in the book and no one saw it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
propel yourself creatively or whatever eventually that won't matter it will just be part of the creative process i'm telling you it won't matter it won't be like oh stung you're using ai it'll be like well yeah of course i used ai i i don't know because they were asking to make the paragraph more emotional and i know somebody who basically had to had a really awkward text to send to somebody and they were like hey can you create this text for me but i just think i don't know i just think it will never get the emotion and all that kind of stuff from a human
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Like when I was writing stories in my book, I'm like, oh my God, can I leave that in? Like, am I going to admit to being that much of a lunatic? But then I was like, everyone's a bit of a lunatic. And like, when you delve into your own mind and spit it out, like that's what I think that you would miss from a book.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Okay, Joe has just asked. I don't care. Joe has just asked, where do you stand on My Therapist Ghosted Me these days? My Therapist Ghosted Me is a popular podcast hosted by comedians Billy Porter and Sophie Brown, where they discuss... Excuse me. What the fuck is going on? You've done something, Joanne. You have fucked over it. I'm blaming you for this. I am.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I just feel like you've done something on one of your late night jaunts on the internet and this is your fault.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh, this is simply incorrect. The hosts are Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. And then they said, you're correct. And I apologise for that. My therapist ghosted me is indeed hosted by Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. They just call this mental health, wellness and personal experience. What? But again, none of that is true.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Where is it? Oh my God, guess what? Guess what I'm going for today? A whole body scan. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
No, I stand. I'm assuming I stand in this thing and you go in and they scan your whole body and they can tell like if your muscles are deteriorating. If anything is wrong with you, I'll book you in because there's a hundred thousand people waiting list. Everybody wants to do this thing. Yeah. What? Okay, Jo, sorry. I'm just going to show off my results next week. You wait. What? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
That was, it was that video kind of, it was kind of like TikTok before TikTok. Anyway, they matched. She met Tommy Lee, married him. He used to be married to Pamela Anderson. And they're married years, years, years, years, years. And so she thought she was messaging this guy called Ronnie Radka. I think that's how you say his name. You would fancy him, Joanne. He's got tattoos everywhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
He looks like he belongs on the wrong side of the road.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Because I was Googling him and I was like, oh, that's good, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
So basically she thought she was mailing him and she was mailing him on Snapchat. And she was back and forth and then she was there planning a meet up. And keep in mind, she's still married to Tommy Lee. They're planning a meet up. And then it turned out that this was just somebody catfishing her. It wasn't the real him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
So he then found out about it because Tommy Lee mailed him and was like, are you mailing my wife? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's trying to like basically clear his name and be like, I wasn't doing this to you. And now he's got the FBI involved because somebody has been doing it nonstop to other people with his name. I know he's pretty, he's attractive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, yeah. So he's had loads of people. But now the drama is that Britney has said that she's now in a hotel and her and Tommy Lee aren't getting on, obviously, because of all of this has exploded.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
he's basically got the FBI involved because it's happening to loads of people she's in a hotel room saying that her and Tommy Lee are breaking up but then she's been heard in the back of some of Tommy Lee's videos so there you go that was my catfishing story that I found but like oh but also what an embarrassing way like not only are you about to try and cheat on your husband but like there's no one even on the other side of the affair you're literally having an affair with yourself
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And she's saying, she was like, this whole thing is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed. He's embarrassed. Everyone's embarrassed. I was like, oh God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I know, but she was planning to meet up with this like pretend person. But it's just unusual for someone in her position to get caught out like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
How are you, hon? How are you getting on? I'd love to delve into the mind of trolls, first of all, because I find it so interesting. But also people who catfish, like, how do you, amazing, the time that they have. And when you see them on the show, catfish, a lot of them don't have jobs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And it would make sense, like, there's surely there's some kind of job they could go into where catfishing would be appropriate. Yeah, and they can make money off it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I'm doing it with Fane. We're like, this is the way that it works. This is when people buy the tickets and want to come. It doesn't like, it's not like, let's say, Penophile, your stand up tour. They sell differently and it's just done differently. And I'm just so glad I did it. And now I've got London tonight and I'm so excited.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Those people always say to me, her real name's Joanne. And I'm like, about you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I would have gone with Vogue had I have chosen, of course. Jesus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Just the two of you? Are you making him drive again?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
So where are you starting off, you and Gerold? Lisbon. I don't know if Gerold is going to make it out alive. What do you think, Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, he's going to be really into that for sure. He'd love to get his nipples pierced. Are you going to go to Burghine? Ah, you should do that for content. Go on. It'd be even better if you don't get in. In the Balaclava?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's not great. It's not great. I tell you what, I nearly got stabbed in there. What? So I went in, I was queued for an hour and a half to go to Burghine and I obviously, I wasn't really that arsed. Anyway... We got in and it was kind of one of those places I didn't really want to have to drink from one of the glasses in there. It was dirty. I don't like when somewhere is dirty.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And I was just like, this is grimy. And I'd gone on like the Sunday and like I had slept. So I was just going like a punter. But some people have been there since the Friday night and they had not slept. And I mean, I don't even need to say allegedly they had been doing drugs since Friday night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
the time I got there when I saw some people I was like oh my you know when someone is just like honestly they were chewing some of them were trying to chew their own nose off it was wild and then this one guy was dancing really aggressively and I was kind of just like dancing beside him wasn't looking at him wasn't getting involved with him because I thought he might start trying to chew my face off and then like he bumped into me and he got so annoyed at me and he was just trying to have a go at me and then eventually we had to leave because I was like he's going to try and stab me because he said that to me
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, I'm going to start. I think I'm going to start going to a couple of them. But yeah, I thought that that was very sound advice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Not after three days, I don't think. I think it's after day three, it turns aggressive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You wouldn't last a second in a balaclava. It's too hot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Berlin is full of really great vintage shops. Like, you will make sure you get out and shop. Like, they have the best vintage shops there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Also, by the way... You're going to lose half your wardrobe on tour, so you're fine. Might as well start stocking up again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And I'm glad that I took it on board because I was just, you know, and you're just having, I think I was having like an overwhelmed moment of the book coming out and just being really worried about possible headlines and then feeling the pressure of trying to sell tickets. And I was worried that they wouldn't sell.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Going on to the continent, the European continent. Yeah. Gotta meet a nice European man. Can we talk about random stuff that you see online? Because I just, honestly, I don't know what my algorithm is doing, but like, obviously I watch really weird stuff and that's why it keeps serving me up even weirder stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But I was watching this guy, I love the ring doorbell, you know, when people see the ring doorbell and they always catch mad stuff on the ring. Sometimes it's really wholesome, nice stuff, like this man, like, like picking something up when it's falling down, like nice things. And, I was watching one today and it was this delivery driver, right?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And you could see that you could hear the cat and there was a cat and he went and picked up the cat. And then he started furiously licking the cat. Like lick, lick, lick, lick, lick. And I was like, and the person who posted was like, I just saw this random delivery guy licking my cat. And I was like, I was expecting like a little lick, but it was like full on like hairball removal licks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Like, just in between, the bridge of his nose, mainly. I know, like the top of his head licking. And I'm just like, that is so unusual. I wouldn't like to see what he has in his house and stuff. I'd say it's really mad stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And it all got on top of me for a minute, but I'm so delighted I did it because I had the best night ever last night. To anyone who came, thank you. You're all sound. I had a great time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
No, they weren't in tongue-to-tongue. You wouldn't want to score a cat anyway. They've got a very rough tongue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Same with a fox. Have you ever heard foxes getting after it at night? Oh my God, it's terrifying, the noise. Oh, hold on. Maybe it's a fox and not a cat. No, it is a cat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
No, but it's a cat as well. That's definitely the same with a cat. Cat nubs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I thought, now this is not a funny video, but I just thought it was like, so it was his family and they were in a wildlife park and all the signs obviously say it was a tiger wildlife park. Don't get out of your car. Don't get out of your car. So this woman is in the car with her mother who's in the back and her husband and her and her husband are having this massive fight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
She gets out of the car to walk around to his side of the door to have a go at him and a tiger comes and pulls her away. What? Gone. Gone. No, she's not dead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It ends with her being dragged away and then it says underneath that the mom tried to save her and the mom, gone too. Yeah. I mean. Oh my God. What am I watching?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, I was in Vicar Street though and I saw your poster straight away and I was only thrilled. So the security man was, I can't remember his name, he was asking for you and he was a very nice guy. And I saw your poster and I was thrilled that it said 69 and he informed me actually you had done more than 69 shows and I said, well, I'm just glad they left it at 69 on the poster.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's interesting that Joanne had that take on it. My take on it was just don't get out of the car when you're in a safari park. Yeah. Scrap inside. Keep it safe. Fight in the car, for God's sake. And I wouldn't be the one to get out of the car either. I'd be like, you get out. Yeah, you get out of the car.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
So come here. Wait, tell the story, but I want to know if it was actually confirmed if it was her, because I could only see her jacket. And I thought if that was me, I'd be gone and changing my outfit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
What? Everywhere. Nightmare. It was so bad. But regardless of what happened, like we have to point out, she should not have done that to him because that's been aggressive. Of course.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
a physical there's no need for it no matter I know you're tired from your long haul flight but there's no need for that but my god they got stung so bad it is I saw that and I was like that can't and then I was and then that's when I thought because you could only see her sleeve and I was like she because I was flying straight after I watched that video I was like she must she should have just changed her outfit and then people wouldn't say it was hers so she kept the outfit on she had to because it was almost an immediate it was all immediate it was within a couple of seconds the whole thing happened oh
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
No. But also, can I just say, flying is stressful. But flying is not stressful if you're flying on a PJ that is a jumbo jet. They have a jumbo jet PJ. Flying is stressful. That's stressful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
They actually shouldn't be imprisoned. They shouldn't be. They should be rewarded. They should be celebrated.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
The bar and everything is amazing. Because I went to see Mary Black there before. That's the first time I'd been there. It's such a cool venue. Well, I got my copy of the book.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Big fan of myself, as you know, Shakespearean trained stage combatter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, the French are very animated, shall we say. So like, I don't know. I mean, it was, it was just, I just, because I used to, like years ago, Sven and I would have a fight and we could be going on a jog together. And you know, you say something, he's like, excuse me, excuse me. And we could have a fight in the middle of our jog. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not jogging with you anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Imagine someone saw that and I'm just like, whatever, I'm not talking to you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I just think you can't, well, I mean, the fisticuff's not great, but you can't, you don't get on with everyone all the time. It's just not possible. Sometimes you're in bad form and sometimes they're in bad form and then you're all just pissing each other off and...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I can't say I've never hit anyone because I did. My siblings and I used to quite enjoy that with each other. Barbara and I could be a bit pushy with each other now still if we don't have a drink. I didn't have a drink last night and I ran a drink and she got that, you know, and someone's a bit drunk and they're like grabbing you for a hug and I was like, are you hurting me? Stop. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You've got a paragraph. Jo, you only got a little baby line.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, that's true. I was once bitten by one of my friends, like, and he was joking, but like, have you ever been bitten? It's bloody sore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Sure, Winnie mightn't be here this time next year, so he was thrilled when he saw it himself. I saw him read it last night. What a depressing take. Do you know what happened last night? Someone asked a question because we have these things that come up and it was something about like, what's your favourite thing about Winnie? And everyone just went, oh, and I'm like, he's not dead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Hello, good afternoon, good morning, good evening, good middle of the night, whatever that might be to you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I had a question last night. I had a snog, marry, avoid. And you were, it was Joanne McNally, John Belton and weirdy Gordon Ramsay. And I know. I had to avoid him, obviously. And I said that I'd sleep with you only because we're both as lazy as each other. So we just end up napping.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, I didn't, I would rather, I don't know, it'd be weird. He's married and stuff like that. I just think that we will eventually end up together. You know what I mean? It just feels right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
We all know he would. And then where are we? Have you seen his wife? He certainly would not. She's like a movie star. Yeah, she's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. I'd marry him to get to her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Everyone just thinks whenever I mention Winnie, like I said.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I thought yours was quite sweet. It's only because I was at the flower show that day and I'm wearing my Chelsea Flower Show dress where I was dressed as a femme femme.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I'd say about nine to 12 months. You're probably three to six.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I haven't brought it up. I took notes from that video. I rewatched it and I was like, oh yeah, she said that. I won't do that now. I'm not saying a word. I'm not saying a word. Well, she's going on the grid now. The sea tits. The sea tits. Someone just mailed me something from that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You know that I posted a wedding video, a wedding video of me in the silver dress that I wore and I had a giant brown and somebody just commented on it and they were like, sunflower seeds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I think Winnie has been he's listen the tablets he's on at the cost they are I'd be shocked if he went anywhere because I'd say that there's a racket going on in the vet they're like right we'll give him these there's these specific tablets that just keep them going forever so you just have to keep paying a fortune for them every month
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Say, my therapist ghosted me. My therapist ghosted me. Perfect. Perfect. You can stay in the home for free for longer. Thanks everyone for listening.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You're a stinger if you're a blonde as well, because it's not cheap to be a blonde and it's very time consuming. But what I will say is grey is in. You know, they're making grey hair extensions because grey hair is in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, he was actually talking shite, so we told him we had to mute. I wanted to be diplomatic about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, I sent you that thing about Cameron Diaz. I saw this thing that she said and she said, I'd rather see my face aging than a face that doesn't belong to me at all. And like, as bad as this sounds, like, I kind of don't even want to recognize myself in 20 years. I want to have to get a new passport. I don't care. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
We're not classy. We're not graceful. And that's just, we're heavy footed and loud.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It kind of just disappears into it. The only thing is when my hair grows out, because I have, they're almost like two little strips of grey at the front. But they look very grey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You know, karma. I always believe in karma. I just do. I had an incident when I was flying back to Dublin and I was running down the stairs. I thought my flight was the earlier flight. I actually genuinely thought that. And I was running down the stairs and this woman was there and she basically let me on the earlier flight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But just before I'd helped this man who couldn't push his trolley and I thought I was actually going to miss my own flight. But it turned out I actually was too early for the flight that I was on. And then she let me on. It was the very last seat. And I felt that I got that because I'd helped the man with his bag.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, I will tell you one thing. I'm going to tell the whole story. I was very nervous about the book launch. I was like, this is not going to work out. This is not going to sell. And I was having a moment of inner turmoil. And I turned to my friend, Joanne McNally, and I said, I don't think I'm going to do the book tour. I think I'm going to pull the book tour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But then I was going into this because I was meant to fly to Dublin on Friday and my flight got cancelled and I couldn't get one till 10 o'clock at night. And then they were like crazy money to go on Saturday. So I nearly had to take to the bed. I was so sad because I was taking the kids back to see my mom. I was really upset. But it was like 1800 quid from Luton one way the next morning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And I was like, I'm just, I'm not doing it. So I decided not to take the kids. Mother of God. I know. 1800 pounds. Yeah. Six o'clock on Friday night, I got a call. Lorraine wanted me to interview all the judges of Britain's Got Talent. And I got to, yeah, all of them. And he reminded me of that because we were talking about ageing disgracefully and Amanda Holden looked amazing. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
She was drunk. That's a great way of saying it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Oh, and I heard Lady Gaga, I heard, like I know her, I heard Lady Gaga's meant to be really nice and just normal and sound. So she would have had good reason, I think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I met Amanda, Alicia Dixon, Jesus Christ, she is just so, but they're both so sane when they came in because obviously like I'm interviewing them and they're like big UK stars and I was like, oh God, I'd never met Simon Cowell before. Did you meet Simon Cowell?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
he was really nice really nice very friendly to everyone when he walked in really nice interesting topic about Simon Cowell he has not had a phone in years he has no phone because I asked him I was like who's the most who's the most obvious to ignore a text I asked out of all four of them and they were like Simon and they were like wait actually Simon doesn't have a phone he doesn't have a phone and he's like it's the best thing I ever did by not having a phone that's why he's so successful and rich
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And Joanne McNally turned around to me and said, if there's two people in that audience, you're doing the book tour. And it was the best piece of advice you ever gave me because... it ended up being, it was like the nicest audience. And I was so glad that you gave me a kick in the gi and said, cop on to yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I was thinking, so we should put our phones in the toilet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's near impossible to stop. Now, what I will say is if you got yourself into Yellowstone, there's not much more to do but watch Yellowstone. So it will really take you off the phone. Riddle me this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I'd say he was looking well. He was looking well. It's settled, has it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Because it takes a while for work to settle sometimes. I don't know what work he's had done, but he did look... The visage looked... Unwrinkled. I wondered... Now, I don't know if I would go as far as saying he used Chris Jenner's surgeon, who has now been outed, by the way. P.S. Start saving. I would say... No, I thought he looked really well, but I actually don't know what age he is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Wow. Okay, he looked amazing. He's definitely had... He's had something done. There's no way, because there's not... Well, we know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I think you gotta though, I think if you don't have people close in your circle that are going to say, oh, don't, that's too much. Or don't, like, do you know what I mean? You can push yourself too far. And I think some people, maybe he went to the wrong person. That's not right for his face. But like, if you get too much done, then you end up looking older. So maybe he had a little tweak.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, we don't actually, we don't comment on too many people's faces now, in fairness, unless they look fantastic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I saw her posting in the dark at the festival. I was like, oh my God, she's dead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I did consider buying one of the balaclavas. Now, who's your favourite kneecap? I couldn't decide. I think it's the man who wears his sunglasses. Because he just seems to be in trouble the most.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But I'd love to go and see kneecap. That looked absolutely amazing. We'd probably have to leave Spenny behind in fairness. He's a bit much now. I think so. Or we'd put a balaclava on him and we wouldn't cut out a mouthpiece.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
If there was an Irish passport in it, Spenny would be a turncoat as quick as possible.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Did you see, you remember that Catfish drama you were telling me about the two Johnnies? Yes. Did you see the latest Catfish drama with Tommy Lee and Brittany Furlan, his wife? You know her, she's a comedian. She like kind of blew up on Vine. No. So she's, do you know her? She's actually very funny. She was on that thing Vine. Remember Vine years ago?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I mean, he was probably... I'd start a new life if my name was Bogwart. Terrible name. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I'd collapse my canoe. Rise in the ashes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Okay. I'll make you your chicken salad. But what I'm saying is I'm going to throw a massive Easter bash and you're not going to, I'm going to be like, I'm going to have all those different party tables. There's going to be an egg painting competition. What else did I see people doing? Oh my God. A biscuit making table. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
There's having an opinion in the news. Really, that's an opinion.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I was talking about you in TK Maxx yesterday to a woman, to my producer on my show. I was like, you know, some people are just good at TK Maxx because I was saying how much I love the home sense. I was like, my friend Joanne can go in there. She's in and out in 20 minutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm not watching it. I'm not even going to start. That's why I never, ever started on Love Island because I just don't have the time to get involved and watch it because I'll just become really addicted.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I do love shows like that though, like Temptation Island, that. I love, love Triangle. Love Triangle makes people lose their mind as well. It's just, I'd hate to be a part of it though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Jen would fancy the hell off me all I'm saying is right I understand that you want to do something like that but basically whatever you do affects me so I just don't think that you'll be your best self on a show like that I'd probably take it really seriously I'd probably fall madly in love with them yeah and I just think it might it might not look good for us yeah yeah yeah yeah no that's fair we'd have to cut all ties before
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And this isn't even her saying it, like if she's doing badly in work or anything, that that's the only job she could accept. She actually wants to do it when she's on a high.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm going to call somebody a fetid turd today.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I love you, you fetid turd. God, it really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Fantastic. And it makes you sound intelligent, kind of. Doesn't it? Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Can you imagine getting off the top of the altar though and like you see his face for the first time and what if he's in absolute bits? You'd have to, you'd have to. And there's no personality that could save it. So even imagine there was, it just could be bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Just because your husband arrives at the altar and he's not good looking doesn't mean he's going to be full of charisma and charm.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Oh my God, Joanne, please do Celebs Go Dating. They offer a lot of money. They offer a lot of money, I'm just saying. I'm pretty sure they have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Oh, I'd love to see you on Celebs Go Dating more than anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Excuse me? Kevin Costner was abysmal? Well, I'll take Kevin Costner. Okay, if you don't want Kevin, I'll take Kevin Costner. There. Oh my God, I was breathing on the mic again, everyone. I'm sorry if you had to hear me Darth Vader-ing the mic again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams, and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I have one thing to say. I just, I wouldn't want to be, I don't want my body laid out like that for everyone to see. Not everyone looks great in death and there's not much you can do about it. It's not like you can go and fix yourself in the toilet. That's just you. I don't want to be laid out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Oh, he's laid out. Yeah, he's laid out. And one of his hands, Amber pointed out, is just like kind of just resting upwards. So it's not flat down. So it's like he must have had his hand on maybe the Bible, Amber said, when he died. So his hand has just stayed like that because they would have moved the Bible.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No, I'm going to get sprayed. Like, I'm actually going to be sprayed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'll have the nails and everything done. The nails and everything. Yeah, so he died and that was Easter. So Jesus rose and... the Pope died. And now everyone's watching Conclave, which is a very interesting movie to watch to see how they actually choose a new Pope. And you have to be under 80 to be the new Pope, which I think that seems a bit... I think it should be under 60. I would think Obama.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Would he not go for it? Do you know what? Weirdly, I don't think he's in line for it. I'm pretty sure you have to be a bishop or a cardinal or something like that to be allowed to be the Pope. But I agree.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
What do they call them in America? TJ Maxx or something. That's where I got my cheetahs. I had to search high and low for those cheetahs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Lady Gaga would be a great Pope. Imagine the way she would wear that gown like nobody before her. She'd be an amazing Pope. And I think she's kind of like religious-y.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I don't know if anyone's like, is anyone going to mass anymore? Yeah. Are you sure though? I haven't been in a long time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I reckon that is. Or I don't think it's a Catholic church.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Do you know who was talking to me the day? He is so funny. You've just reminded me that. He lives, he told me he lives next door to you. Do you know who I'm going to say? Johnny Vaughn. Johnny Vaughn. He like basically lives in the mirroring apartment to you. So be careful what you're doing in there. Oh, does he? Yeah. Yeah. Johnny lives over the road, does he?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Does he know where I live or he was just telling you where he lives? He knows where you live. You live beside him, supposedly. I know. I think you two would be dangerous together, though. Johnny a little perv.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Oh, no. Yeah, anyway, so that was a bit of news. I'll tell you about my Easter weekend. So on Saturday, it was Otto's third birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
She did wish him a happy birthday. Everyone's like, did Joanne remember? And I'm like, oh my God, Joanne will get away with nothing ever again. She did remember. The day before, she sent me kind of a frightened voice note. Is it Otto's birthday?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No, he doesn't. He knows a fake from a real. He wants the one I sent you. You can buy it on Apple Pay. Yes, you can buy it on Apple Pay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No. It's actually eight. He wants one. He wants it. Anyway, we had his party yesterday. in Dublin on Saturday and we had all these animals up to the house. We had a snake, a lizard and an owl. An owl was in my house just shitting on the floor.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Like you sent the invites out. Yeah. Carrier pigeon. They all just arrived up themselves. A tortoise. Because he loves animals so much. I was like, I'll get him. And he's never had a party. I was like, I'm going to throw him like a proper party. So we got the animals up. And anyway, they loved the animals. The adults loved the animals as well. The lady gave like Gigi a present at the end.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And it was like, obviously a snake sheds its skin. Like not there, it didn't happen, but it would have done it. And she gave him his whole long shedded snake skin. I was like, get that out of the house. Oh, that's kind of cool. No, it was rotten. And then we were discussing how much it would cost you to eat it. So how much would you eat the whole snake skin for? That was the talk of the party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I don't eat it because supposedly that's how they wee out of their skin. Someone... Okay, someone told me that. Now I don't even... Are you telling me that I can start eating chicken skin again? Of course you can eat chicken skin. No, supposedly the wee goes out through their skin. Are you sure?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Joanne, I told you. If a lamb dies of natural causes, I'll eat it. But otherwise, I wouldn't dream of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah. Someone told me that years ago. And if you're telling me I'm missing out on crispy chicken skin for the last 10 years because of some bullshit, I'll be raging. Do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'd say they heard you bitching about them on the pod and thought, you know what, fuck her. It was to say, yeah, maybe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I had two parties. Oh my God. Listen, I had to organize two parties on Saturday too because Neil, my stepdad, basically wanted to throw my mom a party, but her birthday's not till May and none of us were there. So we had to throw a surprise party for her then on a Saturday night and we all went out for dinner. And that's what we did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And then Neil told us, he basically, he got quite animated and he told us, I was about to tell him a story or maybe it was Amber because Amber was drunk. And he's like, there's nothing more boring than hearing what your kids tell you about when they were younger. It's tedious. He said that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
About us. Because we kept like, remember this, remember this. He was like, this is tedious conversation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Honestly, you know when your mouth drops open... My mouth, I was aghast. The couple, the newest couple on the block that we're talking about, which is quite a strange match, no one saw it coming, is Liz Hurley and Billy Ray Cyrus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I mean, there's something strange about him though. I don't know. I think I'm just saying that because Miley Cyrus is estranged from him, but there's something off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
But I don't think she has as much Bob as Billy Bob. I think she's got unusual taste in men, but much like myself. I mean, you wouldn't know who my type would be. Honestly, I have so many different types. Well, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
It's going to be a comedian. I know it's going to be a comedian because that's who you spend your time with. You're going to end up dating a comedian. That's never really worked out for me in the past. So that's why it's going to happen again. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Ever. Liz Hurley goes for like, remember she was going out with that cricketer who passed away recently? Shane Warren. It was just such an odd coupling. She went out with Hugh Grant for ages. Supposedly they're still really good friends. I think she was married to Hugh Grant. No, she went out, but she did go out with him for like 13 years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I think he actually was really quite funny about that story recently because it does keep coming up. But I reckon if you have a big scandal, unless you replace it with another big scandal, that's the big scandal that they'll go back to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
That's not... Oh, sorry, no, no, no. The whole thing is the size... Well...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
That's kind of made me feel better because anything anyone ever says to me is the plane seat stuff. When anyone's trying to abuse me with a comment, it's just like... And it's like, you obviously just haven't... So I just have to deal with it. Oh, is she going to pay for her own seat now? It's like, oh my God. Honestly, there's no... That and to get the wart off my face.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No, do you know what you want? It will start off with the story about me sitting on the wing and then it will go back into the story.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Actually, when you put it against yourself like that, it kind of looks like the size of you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I don't want to take up any space. Thank you very much for even allowing me near the plane. Yeah, please drive slowly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm not sure how this is going to go. I think I'd rather they went fast. I'd like it to be as short a flight as possible. Can't stop singing that Lady Gaga song. Oh God, no, it's gone. Actually, don't remind me of it. Jesus, thank God. I've been singing that since yesterday. Oh no, it's back. And I only know one word. Abracadabra. That's all I, I'm like, Abracadabra. And then it stops.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And then a second later, Abracadabra. Because that's all I know. Did you see there? Everyone was at Coachella again this weekend. Again? Yeah, they do one weekend and then another weekend. And then everyone's saying that Justin Bieber is like gone completely off the rails because he was getting high smoking pot at Coachella. Pot? What's it called? Weed. Smoking weed at Coachella.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And I just thought to myself, he's the only one doing Coachella the way you're supposed to do Coachella. Everyone else is just going around getting dressed up for pictures and going home and probably not even looking at music. Justin Bieber is there getting high, drinking, having fun and being at Coachella.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Can I just say that he's always had the trousers down around. And I think it's actually because he suffers from no arse syndrome. So he doesn't even have one bit of arse to hold up those trousers. Do you think that's what it is? There's not one difference between his back and his arse. It just goes straight down. So I think the trousers just keep falling down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I've done... You can be the front of the vase and I'm the back because I have been doing squats, so you're just... How dare you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I used to suffer from it myself quite badly, actually, until I started doing some squats. It was pretty bad, honestly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I thought you were about to say she was doing coke. I was like, Joanne, don't throw her under the bus like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
But you know, it's the one thing, you know, when someone vomits or you catch the smell of vomit or you watch them trying to vomit, it makes you think you're going to vomit as well. So when I was watching it, I was like, and I can't imagine being in the audience. I wouldn't be able to stay for that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
People don't understand what this woman can withstand. I would take a Valium and I would be... The last time I took one was at an electric picnic years and years ago. 17 hours I slept. 17 hours. Never to take one again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Well, I'm shocked it was £200 to begin with, to be honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Joanne, I have a massive ass fuzz in my kitchen. So I was on the forefront of when the massive ass fuzz came out. So I've had one for years. That's a really big arse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Now, I have a rule. If you leave a shop, right? If you see something you love and you leave the shop and you're like, no, I don't deserve it. I'm not getting it. I'm on a shopping van, which I'm always on. Then I'm wait. And if I still think about it in three shops later, I'm like, yes, I need that. I thought about it for three more shops later.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
do you know what my mom doesn't TK beep she goes to the one in Swords and I swear I don't go to Swords with her anymore she could be in there for three hours you'll lose Sandra in there for three hours and she might only come out with one or two things yeah like you choice
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Like one of the foldy chairs, a foldy chair for when you get tired.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I know. Do you know what? I do need some new bowls. I need some really nice bowls in there and they're just a decent price. Okay, stop. It does sound like a bloody ad now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Do you remember her? I mean, there's always someone telling you to do something. I just think that like, it's like, you'll just be, I don't know. I don't know. I always think train and eat as well as you can. There's no way anyone can eat healthy all the time. But that bullshit, I used to do that bullshit all the time. And it did make me have disordered eating for a while.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Like where, like I'd go on these mental diets. Like I'd go to this
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
new gym and they'd be like right you can only eat this you can't have ketchup you can't I'm like just mad diet and I'd be since I was like 16 there's been that kind of thing where it's like now you have to do this and now you have to do this to look like this and it's just it can be quite full-on and for younger girls having to look at that shit it's it's a bit of a nightmare
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And do you know what, Kayla? I do want to see it, actually. I enjoy watching a squat online. More arse. Do you know what? There's not enough arse. More squatting. More arse, less leggings. That's what we want. Yeah, sounds a bit creepy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Jesus Christ, that scared the crap out of me. It's a dog.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm going on a big tour. Hit it. I'm doing two tour dates for my book tour. My book comes out at the end of the May and at the end of the May.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Oh my God. I folded you one. I folded you one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Okay. Okay. Okay, fine. Hello. I'm going on tour with my book, okay? It's in May, the 26th in Vicar Street, and Garen Noon is going to be hosting it. And on the 27th in Union Chapel in London, where Lou Sanders is going to be hosting it. And my book is currently on pre-order. I am finishing the audio book on Friday, so you can also pre-order audio as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And Joanne, I know that you're not going to do it, but I've asked to have yours changed to a different accent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Everything is on my Insta if you want to check it out or buy tickets to the show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I can imagine the vase wouldn't sell as well had they done the entire anatomy at the front.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
When did Easter become such a big thing? This year I was like, you know what? I'm going back to Dublin so I won't put up my Easter decorations. And you know I love a decoration. So wherever I can, I will put up a decoration. But I was just a bit lazy and I was like, I don't need them this year. It's only Easter. It's not only Easter. Easter is like this big, massive thing that everyone does.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Like people have created these like Easter baskets and stuff for their kids. I didn't even get my kids an egg because I was like, everyone's going to get them an egg. And then I didn't realize that they wake up on Easter morning thinking the Easter bunny has arrived. And so I had like these, I went down, I luckily had these eggs that my mom brought up. I'm a bad parent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
My mom brought up that they do an Easter egg hunt. So because I was going to do the Easter egg hunt in my brother's house because we were going for lunch there. And then I had these little eggs. I had to put them all out in my house. And I was like, oh, look, you didn't even look down here. This is where the Easter bunny was. Did you see the Kardashians? I felt ashamed of myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I was disgusted by the lack of care I had shown my kids. I saw a with a massive basket filled with Easter balloons and Easter bunny balloons. And I was like, I have really fucked up here. I have not done, I've not done a tap. I didn't even want to do Easter. I wanted to go, I tried to get my whole family to go to Crewe for Easter Sunday lunch and they wouldn't do it because we had to have lamb.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Okay, listen to me. All religions are at the Easter eggs and at the sending their kids on Easter egg hunts and having that. They're not all about the Jesus is dead and alive again thing, obviously. The Easter bunny seems a little less far-fetched. Yeah, it's so hypocritical. A giant bunny coming and bringing him an egg is way more believable than Jesus dying and coming back to life, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
It's turned into Christmas. It feels like it's Christmas and everyone has to outdo each other. And I fucked up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
In my day. Excuse me, I posted a video of me running around after my kids finding eggs. I had done such a bad job of everything else. I was like, I've got to get them finding the eggs my mom bought.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I was a bit late. That's why I didn't post till one o'clock because I actually didn't realise that I'd done that. But my brother, my kids aren't that interested in Easter eggs. So my brother had this, his Easter egg hunt that he had in his garden, full size eggs, full size eggs. And my kids went and found them and wanted to take them home. Do you think they came back to London with us?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No, they just, they don't care about the eggs, really.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
do you mean they full full size chocolate eggs full size chocolate eggs my brother had like about 20 of them around the garden I was like oh my god were you only were you only shilling little mini ones mini eggs mini tiny little ones I know Joe guys I know wait till you see my Easter next year you're going to be sick I'll have you both over for lamb I'll have you both over for lamb I'm going to do lamb on the barbecue and I'm going to have all my decorations up don't you dare don't you dare
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Listen, I tried. I went off lamb for about six months, but I just.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
And then it was like, but it actually didn't mention the first marriage. Thank God. It was just saying basically that I was married. That's what I broke up. And then it was mentioning that I was married to Spencer. But then when they ask who is Spencer Matthews married to, it says Spencer Matthew isn't married.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
so like I forgot that was Alexa I don't know what little troll is in there pushing the buttons but she is not a fan of us it could have been a coincidence when you were asking about the podcast but now we know she's trolling me oh Spencer Matthews isn't married okay Alexa actually he is married there's a little gee bag in that machine pressing buttons she's trying to fuck with us
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Joanne best news story of last week Brad Pitt yeah I just I know I can't but I will I can't but I will I can't but I will it was good for everyone except one person We always worried about AI.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, not... Okay, let's get that right, because there's been a lot of articles about me recently, and I'd like not to be... There is a lot of articles. I'm getting in trouble. I'm getting in trouble.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Anyway, I wasn't revenge porn. I was deep fake porn. But it looks like I'm giving about 20 fellas a blowjob at one time, which would work with my mouth, I understand. But it's not me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I look great in it. So if anyone wants to think it is me, go for it. Because I look like a real goer in the sack. And the bod looks great. Alexa, how many... No, I'm not even going to do it, actually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
No one respects me. I'm going to teach you. I'm like not eating nude. I hope no one looks up my internet history.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
There's that video you and I did when I was pregnant, remember? Oh my God, look at your hair here. Wow. Jeez, I've never Googled you, Joanne. This is great. You look fantastic. Oh my God. I was like, that's my dress. It is. But I thought it was me in my dress, but it was you in my dress.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
It has moved a little bit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
12 votes. It's something. It's something. And there's no more ugly, by the way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh, one more. Oh, sorry. Joe, why do you have to be so mean to her?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
There's better news. I just got a pedicure. My feet are getting... I'm actually going to the train station after this. I'm not even wearing shoes. I'm not wearing shoes anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Two more votes for nice. Hang on, wait a second. I'm voting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Has my needle moved at all? I don't think so. What was I on?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
back to Brad Pitt. So there was a woman in France and she basically got scammed because she was sending a man money that she thought was Brad Pitt. Oh no. Have you seen the picture? She thought it was Brad Pitt. He basically was sending her pictures from a hospital bed. He had put Brad Pitt's face on this other person's body who was like, looked like they weren't even breathing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, you look really brown from where I'm sitting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
And she sent him 830,000 euro for She said she was fooled after receiving a message from someone claiming to be Brad's mother. Mother. This woman was 53. How on earth?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh, God. I mean... It was like clip art. It was like clip art like you used to do yourself in school. It was desperate. I've seen better art on a kindergarten's corkboard. Just wasn't good. Oh, God. I mean, the problem is, right, it's people are obsessed with celebrity. And like, you'd be thrilled if you thought Brad Pitt was mailing you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
But I was thinking to myself, I was like, who could get you on? She's not interested in celebrities. Who could get you on? And I was like, I know, I know. An absolute fuck boy would get you on. She'd be like, yeah, take my money. Take my money. You wouldn't even need a famous person. Stop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
But just on that, I don't think, I think that you wouldn't, yeah, but you wouldn't think people would do what somebody did. So that is fair enough.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Joe, you're giving us a false sense of security. Okay, so your man who was pretending to be Brad Pitt, he got all that money out of her. I don't know if she can get it back, but it actually, there is a way that if they caught him, but he's now started posing as Keanu Reeves online.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
what I just transferred him 100 grand uh oh what so he's can you I don't know ring him so now he's after a 67 year old widow and convinced her to send 60 grand in gift cards money and bitcoin
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
You know you can go Bitcoin mining so people have these specific computers that they just leave on trying to mine Bitcoin and like there might be a chance that they would get it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Every year, 12 billion they get out of people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Taylor Swift had some deep fakes. There was AI-generated advertisement using her, it's very like you, Joanne, using her likeness, promoted fake Le Creuset cookware giveaways. Is that what got you? Embarrassingly, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I would have bought some off you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
You were my first mark. I would have been straight down stocking up on Lacrute. One of my other favorite news stories this week is TikTok being banned in America for less than 24 hours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Yes. People, do you know that? Are they? People in Europe have set up TikTok accounts where they basically screen record themselves going through TikTok videos and then posting them on Instagram so that people in America could watch their TikTok on Instagram. But basically, Biden tried to get rid of TikTok.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I don't think I'd mind so much. Basically, Trump is trying to like, now everyone's going to love Trump. All the young people are going to love him because he brought like, I mean, I know that this is like the least of our worries about Trump, but like, honestly, what? Why is he so orange? I just don't get it. Like Trump, there are other brands on the market. I've actually sent him a care package.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Why don't you gift him? Yeah, you should gift him some. Why wouldn't you gift him? Because you're not gifting him. Actually, do you know what? I have morals. I wouldn't even gift him. I wouldn't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
So I want to tell you some things about TikTok. Someone said that they would scroll their For You page and sell the videos to America for £70 so it feels like they're scrolling. I thought that was very clever. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
well thank you so much I couldn't think of anything I'd like to do less a tight 10 or a loose 15 whatever you want to do the stage is yours I'll do listen if I can do a tight five I'll come she's like I've got to lose 40 Could I just introduce you on stage? And tick it off as a work expense. Yeah, actually, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can put comedian on the old CV. Comedienne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Do you know what, guys? Do you know what? It's funny you should say that because I'm actually on my fourth book this January. Four. Because I haven't done any TikTok in four books. Do you want me to name the books, Joe? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, Joe didn't believe me there. He's like, oh, four books since January. Yeah, Joe. Four books since January.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married. A History of Loneliness, John Boyne. Fire, in fairness, it's a very small book by John Boyne. And now I'm onto a Lucy Stone book. Now I'm only on my fourth book. So before, I mean... All right, James Joyce, calm down. If you'd like some tips or tricks on how to up your reading.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I'd love to join you, but I'm actually reading, so I can't make it down. I inhale books. I am an avid reader. Joanne, you are on holiday sitting on the beach. How many books have you read since you've been there?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
She's sitting sunbathing being like, I'm so bored because she's just sitting doing nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Have you gone on any dates over there? Well, I suppose you're spending all your time in gay bars. I mean, you're going to the wrong places.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Have they not taken, are you only allowed to do straight places during the day and then gay bars at night?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, they're obviously not getting the ride if they're just watching porn privately at home. No one's doing very well. How do you guys?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh, I loved your thirst drop. But you, where's it gone?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Have I taught you nothing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
It is there. It is there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
it doesn't come naturally to me trying to be sexy on the internet does not come naturally to me I don't think it's about being sexy you're away on holidays and that's the outfit that you're wearing what are you going to do like when I get if I get pictured on the beach I see comments and it's like oh look at her showing off I'm like well what do you want me to wear on the beach like I'm sorry a wetsuit yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
That would be so funny to get.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
to take a man full time I think that you should and I think that like I'm not being I'm very proud of your progress but if I had been in South Africa for the amount of time that you'd have been my grid would have just been 15 bikini shots okay we've got like one and a half one and a half Eddie it's not enough you're better at it do you know what come on holidays with me grab a child and just be like oh look at this candid shot
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I was introducing her on stage and I told a joke. I'm a comedian. I follow Kevin Bridges. What more do you want?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I saw this person post this video and oh my, I was like, there was just so much ghee. Here's this thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
There was a man who got fired, right, because he posted a picture of his prosthetic dick online. So he was working for an Italian football team. He was a falconer called Juan Bernabe and he handled the Italian soccer team's bald eagle for 15 years. And he's fired because he posted photos and videos of his prosthetic penis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
no so he posted but it wasn't his dick didn't fall off or anything he just wanted he basically got the it wasn't for medical reasons he just went and did it himself but then I was thinking I was like what does that look like because you know people have a prosthetic arm can we google yeah I put it in the doc go look at it it looks fantastic I can understand why he'd want to post what's the point of getting it if you're not going to show it off no
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, I mean, I really... So do I. It looks great, but the only thing is, it's a bit weird that, like, you can't really... Oh. Unusual. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Can I just say, they never are that good. So if you're trying to get a dick extension, there's like a couple of millimetres in the difference. So basically they cut that, the string that makes your dick go up and down. So if you do want it to be extended slightly, they cut that and then when you get a boner, it will always point down, the dick won't go up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
So he might've got like filler because people get filler in their dick as well. But it's really hard to extend it much more than a couple of millimetres. I love when you teach us things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Work. Come here to me. I have, I have news. Fantastic. Do you remember, now it's not about me, but it's news all the same. Do you remember your one who was riding the prisoner in prison, the prison guard, and she went to prison?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I love it I know isn't it fascinating she's so wise back to your man getting fired because I wanted to look at weird reasons people got fired amazing this is why Joanne would get fired and I'm surprised she didn't from her hotel in Killarney look at this a hotel worker fired for secretly living at the hotel what what
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I love these stories I still think about that Chinese guy living in your one's attic oh my god yes okay so a hotel receptionist got fired for secretly living in one of the hotel's rooms for over a month he said it was fine because he was technically on site and ready to work at any time but the management did not agree that is hilarious that is hilarious I don't see the problem with that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, do you know what, Joan? What if everybody wanted to do that? There'd be no rooms left in the hotel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Do you know what's the weirdest thing about Sandra? She grew up a four minute drive from where I grew up and her and all the sisters are like, oh, oh no, we won't. And I'm like, where did she get that accent?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Yeah. A guy fired his brother from a bakery for stealing baked goods.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, he said he fired him for unauthorized snacking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
When I used to work in the summit shop... I used to work in the summit shop and I used to... There was obviously a 99 machine there. So I used to just like a little bit of 99 in the cup for me. And there was penny sweets. And I'm sorry, penny sweets are for everyone. Victimless crime. Victimless crime. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I support that. Exactly what it's in. My friends used to come into the shop and I'd be like, they'd leave with about 10 99s on one 99. I'm like, watch how big I can make this. They'd actually be vomiting after it. There'd be so much. 99.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We're like, yo, what do you want? Joanne just going out to pump people's fuel with a smoke hanging out of her mouth. How much do you want? Diesel or petrol?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Did you see the speech the judge said? No. How on earth he was able to keep a straight face? So look, he's like... I didn't hear. I was too busy being aroused by the crime, to be honest. Okay, well, you're going to be aroused by this. Are you ready? Okay, yeah. Here's his speech. On the 25th of June, 2024, you were on duty in uniform. Sexy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Thank you so much everyone for listening. That was the main episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me. We will see you next week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I was thinking to myself, she better not come back in February because as with a Tuesday being the worst day of the week, February is the worst month of the year. By far.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
When you went to a cell with the prisoner, you took off your prison issue radio and put it to one side. Your set of keys was at risk of being taken. I mean, I think that was the least of the worries there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Guys, I don't want, don't have, if you're gonna, if you're gonna orgasm, please mute your mic. If you keep talking like this, I'm gonna have to turn my camera off. Are you slipping off your chair? I feel a paw coming on. Show your hands, scummers. Everyone show their hands.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Now, I've already read it, so I don't get as turned on as I did the first time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
A second prisoner was present and had a camera. Doubtless. No, I feel dirty. I feel dirty. I'm out. I feel like we're doing it. doubtless on a phone which must have been an unauthorised phone wasn't authorised I think that's the least of our problems to be honest but go on he appears to have been smoking cannabis sorry what prison is this and how do I get in 100% it's better than Butland's
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Rather than challenge his possession of a phone or cannabis, you consented to him recording what was happening. Fuck, actually, this is pretty bad, isn't it? Sorry, can we book two weeks into Wandsworth Prison? Can we get in, Jo? How do we get in? What do we need to do? How do we just get two weeks? We don't want any more than that. We'll get bored.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We'll have two weeks in there and that'll be enough.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Be so handy. You wouldn't even have to pack a bag. They give you everything you need. It's like, this sounds like five-star accommodation. Dressing games.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
The recording lasts some four and a half minutes, during which you gave the prisoner... We don't want any longer than that. Yeah. I was thinking it's maybe a minute and a half too long.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
During which you gave the prisoner oral sex, then vaginal intercourse in a number of positions before concluding by giving more oral sex.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I'm not finished. I just finished. I just finished. You participated with evident enthusiasm.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Sorry. A number of positions as well, by the way. There was oral sex. There was a number of positions. There was intercourse. This is in four and a half minutes. She must have been knackered.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Okay, so you participated with evident enthusiasm. The second prisoner recorded events and provided a commentary by way of encouragement, including saying, you guys, we made history. This is how we live at Wandsworth, bruv. And you know you are gangsta. I mean, this place, if you're ever feeling down, pop down to Wandsworth Prison. I mean, it's really very positive. They've made history.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
no January are you mad everyone's like oh it's great like we're over Christmas we're turning over a new leaf and then by February it's like fuck that leaf it's crap and then it's too cold to do anything so you're like oh now I'm still and it's gonna probably snow for the whole of February February's the worst
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
She had a taste of it and she wanted to go back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, she went in, had a great time and she's like, I'm coming back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I thought you need to go and look that up because the speech is obviously recorded. You can watch the judge saying it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I think he might have been turned on by himself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Anyway, I think congratulations to everyone. I don't know. I wouldn't like to. I think she got like nine months in prison or something. That's not really. Fifteen. Fifteen. She'll only do seven.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I actually don't. I think that you would as well. I really do think she would do that, Jo. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
But why don't they just say, instead of being like, oh, he got five years, he'll be out in two, just give him two years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
You have the table till nine? Yeah. Never happens to me because I go in at six. They're like, listen, there's no other losers coming in for dinner at six. You stay as long as you need to stay. That's what happens when you dine early.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
You're my two little trolls.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
And then I don't pay for my food either. They're like, you're too good looking to pay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I just think, do you know what? My skin has never looked better. I've never slept better. But I'm bored. I'm bored.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
March isn't that bad. The days are getting brighter. It's not as cold. March, you're like, you'll be ready by March, I should think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Tell us about all the sharks in the water. Have you been able to swim in the sea or no, in case you get eaten?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I saw you down the beach in one of the videos and I was like, what the hell is she doing there? Did she get lost?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
shaking behind behind the cage sorry and he held out until the next day yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, we did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We'll have to, no. We'll have to cool you back down. We'll cool you back down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I'd forgotten about the whole thing, to be honest. I'd be done. Porn can even be scary when you're watching it yourself. But if you have to hear it. Imagine two men have broken into the house and arrived downstairs. I think that is so funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
if that was me if that happened to me I wouldn't be able to hold my laugh and one of the lads was like crying and all the other fellas running out and it's like oh my god is he turned on by the intruders look at him I was like yeah he hasn't come back up yet what's going on He's just joining in. Well, I'm glad you're having a nice time. Will I tell you something that happened in my week? Please.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Unfortunately, it's not as interesting as that. So I was doing a job with Amazon and they had a like kids Alexa there. Oh! Yeah, and T was with me and so T kept being, Alexa, how many farts does Vogue Williams do? And asking all questions.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
So it's like, it's a little owl and they can ask you things, but it's like all PG, like they can't ask certain things. It won't give answers to certain things. It plays music. It won't play porn through the house, that kind of vibe. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what we were looking for. Anyway, the people were like to tea, you can have the Alexa.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
And I was thinking, oh no, because they just stand there. I've had to plug it out because they're like, Alexa, even, oh, she's over at it. Alexa, Alexa. And she understands her name, but obviously not what he asked. But then they started asking, Alexa, who is Vogue Williams married to? And I was like, oh. How would they, how do they even know what marriage is? What is wrong with these kids?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I don't know, because they were asking, who is Vogue Williams' child?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
They should be asking about me. They live with you. They should want to get to know more about me. I'm thrilled they haven't asked about you, actually. It can only, that's actually the saving grace. Alexa why is Joanne in Wandsworth? So it was like, Alexa, when was Vogue Williams married? Vogue Williams was married until 2018. And I was like, oh, fuck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Dirty. A really nice packaging. Yeah. Did you notice that? Did you notice I'm kind of more whimsical and at peace? Well, you've got a few crystals floating around the place as well. So I thought maybe it had something to do with them. Oh, they're not crystals. I've been really taken off guard with this whole conversation. I'm like taking it back a bit. I don't know that girl. Who is she?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I can't remember if we were going back on a fitness journey. I forget the journeys. Now you're on a hair journey and that's all that matters. You can't be on loads of journeys.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Well, that's not true because I follow things like, like I follow drunk people doing things and like our influencers in the wild or people are sending stuff in. And I guess like, okay. Yes, morally it probably is wrong if people are really embarrassing themselves and stuff like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
But if you're embarrassing yourself and it's not something like, like you're showing off like their naked body parts or something like that, I guess it's like people think it's okay to do. But like, let's say I get papped on the beach. A pap takes my picture. If I see that pap picture and I post that pap picture, that paparazzi can then contact me, tell me to take it down or he'll sue me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Even though that's a picture of me that he's taken, it's his property and I can't put it up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
But also, I don't necessarily want him taking a picture of me on the beach. I don't want that. But he's doing that. There's nothing I can do to stop that. Even when I ask him to stop, he doesn't stop. It's crazy. It's such an invasion. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. But thank God, you have a great ass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I remember it looked like when I had my finger down when my hand was walking, it looked like a little willy. I do. That was a highlight for us. You are welcome.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I heard if you have a can of Coke, obviously it's bullshit, that you lose 11 minutes of your life. And I'm like, don't care. I love it. You'd be fucking delighted. You work too much anyway. Do you ever follow this fella, Jamie East? He's very, very funny. I've spoken about him on the pod before. And he posts kind of crazy. Oh, you have to. He's hilarious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And he posts kind of like crazy stuff like that. And I'm like, and it is kind of embarrassing things, but I guess it's just, it's a viral. You cannot remove anything from the internet. It's just there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And I'm not showing off. I'm not showing off, Joanne. But I don't really sweat very much. I don't sweat very much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Oh God. But if she says it's OK, then it's OK. If she says it's OK, it's OK. But also, I just think that things live in the internet. Did you hear about that Swedish mother who she got fined two grand in damages because she did this TikTok trend with her toddler daughter and cracked an egg on the child's head.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And basically they decided that the act was degrading and reckless and she put it up online and it went everywhere and it was embarrassing for the child. And she got fined two grand for it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I wouldn't do that. I'm very careful about what I post. I think you can't post a barrette. Like if one of them was crying or something, like I'd never post something like that or like prank them. It's just like, or that one. Do you remember this family pretended the daughter was invisible? And they all did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
But like for days, they pretended like the nine-year-old daughter was invisible and filmed it. And I'm like, that's not funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I did have a bit of under boob sweat earlier and I thought those, that collagen's working because I haven't had that before. It's working. Someone even mailed me today and they said, wow, the sunflower seeds are working. But they didn't know I was wearing my big bra, but still.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Oh my, oh my God. Actually, sorry. Hang on. I haven't told you the most important part of the wedding. Now, obviously, everybody, this is like, whatever you choose to do, we're not saying to do it or whatever like that, but I'm very interested in plastic surgery. I just am. I love, I've done TV shows on it. I find it really interesting. It's all the rage. Sad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I'm at the number one plastic surgeon in LA. Surgery? Where is it? yes and he was showing me loads of stuff he was showing I sat with him as I was eating my wedding cake he was like are you squirmish I was like nope and he was showing me everything and it actually made me not one bit scared I saw a full skull Full skull. I was like, oh my God. He does everything. I was like, what do you do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And he was like, I do everything for everyone. And I followed him on Insta. And it's just, he was so fascinating about the whole thing. And about like, because you know, everyone's getting their eyelids and everything done like that. Yeah, the blephs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Well, because he said to me, right, because I swear to God. My family have heavy eyes. We have heavy, like this, right? And some of my family were able to get stuff on healthcare because it actually affected their vision. So I was like, do I need that done? He was like, no, you don't need that done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And he was like, the thing about that bleph stuff is that everyone's getting it done and they're doing it when they don't need it and they don't look good after it then. Yeah. So that's a warning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
notice that you have no earlobe but Kris Jenner it's insane it's insane it's insane so her have you seen her it's insane she looks magnificent her Lindsay Lohan Emma Stone Emma Stone and Anne Hathaway Kris Jenner now looks like Kim yeah I mean it's it's it's I'm gonna say it but
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It's not attainable because this guy, his name is Dr. Raddy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Yeah. Thanks, dude. He told me that it was up to 250 grand for a facelift. Like, that's a lot of money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
No. And you see people who get their teeth done and they're all completely piled down. Like I broke my front tooth when I was younger, so I have a veneer on the front tooth. And if I took the veneer off, you'd say, oh God, her tooth's a bit grey. But it's still a full tooth. And people who get them done in Turkey and they've got these little stubs coming out of their teeth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Faceland. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it translates nicer in Belgium. We just don't know. No, it's called Faceland.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I just think, I always was hoping that like we could, we wouldn't have to get like, we could just do it with lasers. They just laser up your face so you don't have to worry about anything and there's no pain. I wanted to tell you about this story that I read.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Also, I was nearly, I was nearly going to say to you to do a Blake Lively deep dive again, but I just don't know how I feel about it because it just all feels really mean now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I mean, because it's going on for so long and there's always loads of updates, but supposedly... Taylor Swift has cut off her friendship from Blake Lively because of the whole thing. Because Blake Lively supposedly sent her a text telling her that she had to support her in this or she was going to leak all of the messages that she had sent her over the years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Okay, I think that we should do it once a month because you hypocrite, you are a hypocrite. You are living in a glass house and you're throwing stones because you've been talking about your hair journey quite a lot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
No behaviour. Well, that's the update in the case right now. And I just, I don't know. It's feeling a bit mean towards, it's just feeling like, I can't imagine. I know that Blake Lively, she could or couldn't be wrong. Justin Baldoni, he could or couldn't be wrong. But I also think that like the amount of abuse that they must be getting. Like, how do you deal with that? It's too much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It's too much. Like Katy Perry. Like Katy Perry. It's too much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
You at the Cotswolds. You've really changed, honestly. I was at a wedding at the weekend. I was in France. It looked amazing. Oh, my God. So, Spenny and I, before we got married, we were doing our little registry office wedding in his parents' place in Scotland. And then we were going to get married in this place in France. It's amazing. And I went and I was like, God, thank God we didn't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
We would have embarrassed ourselves because it was like the nicest wedding I've ever seen in my entire life. Like, that's how nice it was. It was... Do you know what happened to me, though? I got excited. I got excited on the Friday. There was a lot. There was a margarita bar. And I got excited. Oh, dear. Yeah. The next day, you know, it was like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I was like I woke up and I was like oh I really I remembered the last bit of the night but I definitely didn't remember getting into the hotel room and I woke up and I was just kind of looking at Sven like you know and you're like quite nervous but then I went as I went up to the wedding party lots of people were like oh how's the head and I was like oh no that's never that's never good
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I was an absolute saint on the Saturday though. Saint on the second day. But like, I just was like, why did I have to? What were they thinking with a margarita bar? It was the only thing that brought them down because it brought me down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Basically, we're the only idiots that don't have a drinks line. I told you years ago that you should have had, like, a gin brand. But supposedly now, it's not the cool thing to do anymore to have a drinks line. They're all still doing it, though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I wouldn't get excited, Jo. She's not going.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Jo, do you want to go to Glastonbury? Because she's got a ticket. She is. I have never.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
She thinks she's staying the night? Yeah, I'm staying for the whole night. All the night. Okay, so you're telling me, right? Let me just get this straight. You have bought a ticket for the whole time from Wednesday to Monday. Yeah. And you're staying in a tent. What kind of tent? A fancy tent? A bell tent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I mean, I would, I'd love this for you because I'm not going this year. So I think that one of us should be there. But like, I hope you're just being honest with yourself about what's going to happen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
She loves live music, Jo. She loves being around loads of people. She loves not being comfortable in her own home. Look at that fancy glass you have there. Forget it. You won't have anything like that in Glastonbury.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
yeah we're going to Wimbledon we're going to Wimbledon me and Vogue had a conversation we were like we need to get out and about we don't do anything like we go for walks and stuff but we need to do stuff yeah we need to do stuff okay we're going to the Brits next year we're going to the Brits next year we've no tickets but we're going I thought it was the Baftas what are we going to the Brits
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
We want to go to the Burberry Show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
John, I think I believe in God as well. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Listen, I'll just stop now. I'll stop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And hence why I was at the flower show today. I thought, no, get up off your arse. Because I was going to come home and watch another episode of Yellowstone. And I said, no, go out. You can do that when you're 85. You can also garden when you're 85. Yeah, and I'm learning my bits. I'm learning the trait. I was learning the trait.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I can't believe if you went... Now, I have to be honest with you, Joanne. It's very full on. It's very, very, very full on. A lot of people. There's a lot of people...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
You'll see Stonehenge on the way. I've seen Stonehenge. You do see it on the way. You just look out the window.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
On Tuesday. That's going to be interesting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
She doesn't even know what the main, what's the main court called, Joanne? What's the main court?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
So, Duran, I know that you've got my book, but everybody, my book is finally out. It's there. Big Mouth is out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Thank you very much. I'm very happy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
They don't do them in red carnations. They do. Well, I don't like carnations, so I thought it was something else. I might take it out now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Yeah. And roses. And dandelions. You guys like dandelions, don't you? Love it. And a buttercup. And a daisy. You pick them up anywhere. I'm more a wildflower gal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see where you're going there. I think this to me looks like a rhododendron, I'm going to assume.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Mm-hmm. We have a lot of rhododendrons in Hoth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Someone's been raiding the nature table. Well, you might ask why I'm wearing the rhododendron. Go on, ask. Folk, come here, riddle me this. Why is it that you're wearing a rhododendron?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Morale is high. I'd know that smile from anywhere. I don't know where you're taking yourself to later, but I'd love to be going.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Joe will do it. I only downloaded ChatGBT the other day because everyone thought that I was stupid that I didn't have it. It's kind of shit. Is it shit? Firstly, it's very much a male now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Could be a peenie. You never know. It's peenie season, isn't it? What the hell is a peenie?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Strong possibility. Is it fake? No, is it Rihanna fake? No, it's fake. It's fake. Someone gave it to me and I was like, this girl, this lovely lady invited me to the flower show, the Chelsea flower show. And for the last four years, I've been threatening to go. And every time I drive by, I live it in walking distance. I'm like, I'm going to go. I'm going this year. And I never go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
And lo and behold, the fifth year, I said, no, I'm really going this year. I'm really going to go. I want to see what it's all about. And it was actually very pleasant. Talk us through it, Vogue. Talk us through it. Well, I arrived because I went with a lovely brand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
They sent me a car and I arrived and I got in the car and I plugged my phone in the charger and I looked at it and I said, I'm going to forget you. And then I picked it up again halfway through the journey and I said, now I'm going to forget you. And then I got out of the car and I realised I'd forgotten my phone. Do you see what you did?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
So you're telling me that I manifested a bad thing instead of manifesting a Range Rover.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
okay okay right well fine I hope I don't see a Range Rover in my parking spot with the keys in it for me I hope I don't see a Range Rover in my parking spot there you go with the keys for me yeah black one I meant to say yeah with leather interiors maybe maybe we'll go for a red seat I don't know
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
No. Oh, what is it? I used to want one in my interiors before. Do you ever see those fake garden walls though? They're actually quite cool. It was basically you go in, there's hundreds and hundreds of stalls of really cool brands and you can go shopping. There's a place that you go and have lunch. There's a place that you can go for cocktails. There's all gorgeous drinks areas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It's kind of like in Ireland, if you do, what's that festival? Ivy Gardens, where they do like the Taste of Dublin and like those kind of festivals, but way more brands and stuff. And then they had gardens that you could go and look at, like what you could do at your balcony, what you could do if you have a big garden. And it was, do you know what? It was what it said it was.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It was the Chelsea Flower Show with additional bits. Do you know what it is?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I'll go for it. Are you though? Are you though? Because I just feel like for me, I'm like, I've lived in London for probably 12 years now. Actually, I'd have to stop for a minute and count and I'm not doing that right now. But I've lived here for so long and I'm like, I really want to go to the Flower Show. So eventually I did the Flower Show after five years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Next on my list, I want to go swimming in the Hampstead Heath Ponds. Yes. And then I'm going to go to Primrose Hill and just look for Harry Styles and also see a bit of Primrose Hill.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
No, it's like when you're in Ireland. Like, when was the last time you went to Kerry? Kerry's gorgeous. I want to go to Kerry. I want to start doing bits and bobs. I want to go to the Lake District.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Oh, shampoo, shampoo, the hair regrowth thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams, and Joanne McNally, whose hair looks like you've just been to the hairdressers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Oh, I love that, Julie and Julia, I love that movie.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
That kind of sounds like she's describing me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Now, I just, I'm not, I don't remember it ever being an affair, but maybe, oh, actually, no, because they made that movie together. And then that's when they suppose, okay, yes, sorry. There's always a bit of crossover.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It's a lot of effort that's gone in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I mean, this all sounds very far-fetched to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I don't think someone's going to lose their shit over a salad. I'm not throwing myself under a car for salad dressing. I need to see sexual intercourse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It was just a link to Harry Styles. No, it's not. All I heard was Harry Styles. I'm sorry. No, it's about Nora Ephron. I thought there was a book recommendation in there somewhere, but all I heard was Harry Styles.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Will you just give me 10 minutes and I'll come back? Give me 10 minutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I don't go in there anymore. I gave it up. I gave up the ice bath and I gave up the salads.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I'm not, I don't want to do the ice bath and I'm not having a salad anymore because a salad is not a meal. I don't want it. It's not a meal. I don't, I'm never, I'm never satisfied. I'm growing up. I'm nearly 40. I'm not having it anymore. I'm not having it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Imagine the Daily Mail headline, Vogue Williams stops small child stealing £2 soft toy from zoo gift shop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Those teddies are like 80 quid. Vogue Williams wrestles baby to the ground. while her mother, who has no money, is trying to steal a present for her child's birthday. That'd be the headline. Joanne McNally has nonce arrested in Lamb Park. Sorry, Joanne McNally has nonce arrested in Goat Park. That'd be my headline. I'd be in there saving lives. I'd be in there ruining the lives of children.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That's one of those terms. I can't get it. I just can't get on board with she-e-o's. Someone sent me a meme this morning saying, hold on, I'll actually get it because it is quite funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
It's none of your business. No. There is a certain amount of confidence required to just bail out the front door. Because then people just assume, oh, there's obviously a... You know, she obviously has a voucher system going or she's prearranged the... But she's just looting the place.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Speaking of robbing, there was a story going around the internet this weekend. about people in America who robbed, basically they brought in a rattlesnake. To steal? I was confused at the start that they were holding the rattlesnake up as a gun and the tongue was like the bullet. But actually they were just like, oh look, it's a rattlesnake.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And then she got distracted and then they just lifted $400 worth of CBD oil, which according to the article is £308 worth of CBD oil. And I was like, that is kind of a fun burglary. The woman got to experience a rattlesnake. And the only next 400 quid's worth of CBD oil.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Like, and dangerous also to them. So they weren't showing the snake off. It wasn't like the woman was like, oh, look, the snake. They weren't showing it off like a little puppy. if and when they get prosecuted, it's not armed robbery. Well, it will be. It will be classed as armed robbery. It's not, but it's animal. It's animal robbery.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, but it's like you can't, you know what I mean? There's no rules around bringing a snake in. It's the same as going in with a goldfish and being like, empty the till. There's no real threat there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
If it's a fake, if it's a plastic gun, then there's no real threat there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Sven, Joanne's wearing a whoop. Did you send her a whoop? Where'd you get the whoop? He didn't send me a thing. Whoop sent me the whoop themselves. Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it either. Do you know what? I didn't want to bring it up because I don't want to encourage you talking about sleep because we have put a ban on you talking about sleep and you talking about drinking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I just, I don't know if you just heard what happened there. I heard you're getting charged a grand for Uber. That's what I heard. I think we should keep that in because I think it's important that people know that you do pay for shit sometimes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
No. Sorry, but just shows the work ethic of the Chinese that he managed to pull that off. It went unnoticed. That they thought that he actually did the workload of another 22 people. It went unnoticed for four years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
my accountant is like Joanne are you even doing your own job managed to convince anyone that you're doing 23 people's jobs that's crazy well he did he got away with it for so long but now he's in prison for 10 years that's shit crack yeah I always think if the company's big enough fuck them I'm real Che Guevara vibes today. Until lunchtime when I start selling my handbags again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And she's preoccupied. Do you know a woman messaged me and said, because that's why it's in my head. She's like, I did not know that there was just a really lovely woman on Instagram. And she's like, I did not know that was your bag business. You need to plug that more. And I was like, oh. I have to say, I'm actually quite excited because we have a new bag.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
We're bringing out a new little, we have a new style of bag. We have a new style of just preoccupied bag, which I'm quite excited about. I don't know how to describe it. It's like just different shape and size. It's like a little square, little square yoke. It's deadly. So not a giant one. And it's got this cool multicolored handle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I've been very much involved in the design process. So it means no one will want to wear it but myself. What is this monstrosity?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'm going home. The only reason I will ever marry is if my husband is from the Caribbean so I can call that going home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And purple dragon. They're your three things you're not allowed to operate. So I didn't want to bring it up, but now that you've noticed it, I am going to say I got 11 hours sleep last night. No. Moving on. No. 11 hours according to my whoop. I'm a whoop. What's it called? Customer. Yeah. A whoop athlete. Are you a whoop? I was going to say partner, but a customer, yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
No, of course not. It's an amazing position to be in. Speaking of travel, a little personal plug. I'm going to be doing more work in progress for my third... Oh my God. Sorry. I'm bringing the pot on tour by myself. You can just do it. Sorry. You'll be in safe parts. You don't need to be there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Speaking of travel, I'm going to be in Brooklyn soon, actually, doing more work and progresses for Pinafile in Union Hall in Brooklyn. I'm going to be there end of March, start of April. Check my website, joannmcnally.com for tickets. Come along. Come along. Be my American guinea pigs, please. That'll be fun. You get to go to Brooklyn. I get to go to Brooklyn.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And the reason this started was I've got a week off because we've got a break from the podcast. And I was like, I should go on holidays. And then I realized I'm out of Crest Strips and Melatonin. I said, I'm going to America. And eye drops. Eye drops. I'm out of eye drops. And then I was like, if I'm in America, I might as well do some shows.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
God, what is wrong with me? I haven't even been drinking. That's where the problem lies. That's the problem. I'm out of Metatown and I'm out of Crest Cheese Strips. I said I have to go to New York. Also, I booked tickets. I booked a ticket on my own, solo traveler, to go and see Glengarry Glen Ross with Bill Burr.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah. Now, this was also one of the reasons I wanted to go. But yeah, and I've really treated myself well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That's actually, do you know what I'll say? It's an expensive ticket, but Vogue, you're right. You suggested I buy it for myself for my birthday. So that's what I decided to do. And it was like when I went to see Sarah Jessica Parker's play when she came here and I went on my own as well. And it was expensive again. But again, that was my Valentine's Day present to myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
She was kind of abusing her kids in broad daylight. Like it was crazy. Something else I watched, which is, I absolutely inhaled it this weekend, was on Netflix. I've been reading about it and then it popped up and I was like, boom, was Adolescence. Oh yeah, I've read about that. Family's world turns upside down when 13-year-old Jamie Miller is arrested for murdering a schoolmate. It is fantastic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
The acting in it is crazy. And I don't know anything about filming TV, but apparently it was all filmed in like one shot or something. I don't know, like kind of, they did a week of rehearsals, then they did a week of... Like Birdman, Birdman.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, everything to know about one-shot crime drama adolescence. Four-part limited series starring Stephen Graham and each episode is filmed in one unflinching and continuous shot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
It's amazing and the storyline's amazing and it gets, it kind of digs into the whole kind of like incel culture and the manosphere and the femosphere which I... wasn't aware of those terms at all and all the kind of Andrew Tate stuff. And it's brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Watch, watch this space. What's that Red Bull event that they do where they have to turn, they have to fly through the air, they have to turn a little sidecar into an eagle or something. What's that called?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You'd hope. Spotify have taken down his podcast, which is something. He had a podcast called Pimping. He's so grim. He's so grim. And I know it's the least of his worries, but he looks stupid in those sunglasses. Like I know that's not the main focus of Andrew Tate, but the sunglasses look so stupid on him. He looks so, he's just, he's pathetic looking. He looks so pathetic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I just think he feels like he's not all there or something. He seems to me like he's not all there. And maybe I'm under, maybe I'm, I don't mean to take away his responsibilities from him, but he just seems like he's not all there. Or basically someone wouldn't write him. He seems like a man who no one would write and he's just fucking kicked off this whole incel culture.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And it flies off the side of the pier. Do you know what I was reading? God knows when, because I've been asleep for most of my life, according to my whoop. I don't know where I get the time to do anything. That when Red Bull started, one of their marketing campaigns, now whether this is true or not, I'm not sure, but I read it on TikTok, so I'm assuming it is factually correct.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'll be honest, I would love to be in a constant state of semi. I think, would it not get sore after a while, no? Well, obviously I don't have a penis. So I think they just mean that they're in a constant state of arousal. I mean, well... I'd actually really like that. Because the longer you go without having sex, you kind of lose interest in it. I'd love if I was in a constant state of arousal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'd be out there dogging on the common. I'd be great for my social life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You've done no miles, Joanne. You've just literally just driven into the common and back for three years. You've done 14 miles in three years. Just dogging on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, this is tradition. This is where we dog. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Dog. I just... I actually don't... I have to hold my hands up and say, I don't actually know what dogging really means. Is it that you drive around looking at people riding? Is it that you drive around park and then someone gets into your car and you ride in your car? What is it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Maybe that guy at the zoo was goating. Maybe he's trying to invent something new. I would love, because I look out onto a park, I would, if I, what I wouldn't do to be overlooking a dogging area. Joanne with her semi looking out. Yeah. My semi and my little opera glasses, you know those operatic binoculars.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
They used to leave empty Red Bull cans around bus stops and stuff, so it would look like loads of people were drinking it. Now, the environmental ethics around that aren't great, but... Yeah, it's not gas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I mean, I've done, I think my days of riding outdoors are over. I really think once you hit your 40s, you're like, I'm an indoor gal now, you know. Never say never. No, never say never. Never say never. Never say never. I would hope that Avenue is still open for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
If there are anyone, if there are anyone, if there are anyone, if anyone listening who is part of the dogging community in the Clapham area, please do get in touch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I was like, I had a couple of pre-dogging drinks. I can't remember if I dogged or not, but I had a lovely evening. I mean, I have to assume I did dog myself, but... Whoop, whoop. Oh, no. Coming home locked, getting totally pedigree chum. You're like, oh my God, I've been dogging all night. I'm fucking wrecked.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'd turn up to work the next day wearing those collars that the dogs wear with the lights on them. Don't lose your dog in the park. Oh, God. Oh, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Big time. And like we said, the exact locations. Would women be dogging much now? Is it very much a male hobby?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Folks, stop being so lazy. Stop trying to move dog into your local park so you don't have to venture out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
If anyone's dogging in my local area around 5 to 6 p.m. I have to put the kids down then. I'm not free. I'm not free late in the evening.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'm not a morning person. I work nights. If there's a matinee dogging event, I'm happy to attend.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You've been dying to dog me for years. The first time I met you, I thought, I am going to dog her any day now. I'll tell you now, if you're 40, if you slip something into my drink, I'd let you dog me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That's it for this week. We'll see you soon. I've been Joanne McNally. She's been Vogue Williams. And Joe Atuel is still on maternity leave. We should have flagged that. He will be for a while. That's what happens. So I'm told.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I was indeed. Do you remember my rage when you told me we were going back?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Oh, yes. A friend just referred to Buckingham Palace as Bucky P in a group chat and the other guys in the chat immediately started a new one without him. Can't say Bucky P. That really now, you can't say cookie pig.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, I actually, it's disgusting. Emily, cut that out. Yeah, cut it out. Actually cut it out. Sorry, speaking of Bucky P. Yeah? Are we going to talk about the fact that we got, well, you got rinsed about Meghan Markle? Are we talking about that or not talking about that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I said, we were talking about Meghan Markle and her new Netflix show, and I said that I had no real opinion on Meghan Markle. I was kind of indifferent, which I said at the time, I'd imagine of all the abuse that Meghan gets, indifference, she'd probably be like, yeah, I'll take that. I don't like her, dislike her. I don't, she's not really on my radar. That's what I said.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
What I did say was, it's a bit earnest. So I don't like, I don't like a beige jumper around her shoulder. That's like, that's, that's all I said. Because that's all I've seen. Listen, And then Doug went, of course, too far and said it was disgusting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, you're very chic. You're very Parisian looking. You're all in black. Are you going for a chic brunch or has somebody passed?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
oh okay yeah so it just goes to show those headlines are they're intended to wind people up and they do a really good job the Daily Mail are really good at it really good at it and I actually haven't even annoyed them about it let me try and get a couple of these it's so weird the way like I mean I know I'm not as famous as you in the UK I do understand that but it's almost like the Daily Mail what do they who do they think you're talking to do I do I get any I get no rage in the Daily Mail I'm not used at all as rage bait and at the start I thought it was a great thing I'm starting to find it a little insulting
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Vogue, trust me, I am just as annoying as you. I'm not being humble and I'm not bragging. We're just as annoying as each other. Trust me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
If you're going to dissolve them, give them to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That's all. It's saccharine. Is it saccharine? Is that? It's too sweet for me. That was my whole opinion on it. I think she seems like, I think she seems sad. Like, I don't really.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I've bigger fish to fry, Vogue, as do you. Much bigger fish to fry. Yeah, like you're not allowed to talk about Purple Dragon anymore. How are you going to fill your week? Joanna, can I just say one thing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That's actually true, yeah. I've just realised that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
11-11, make a wish. 11-11. I wish I believed in that. I wish your husband would stop interrupting our business.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I don't believe I have. I've been to Dublin Zoo, never to London Zoo. You're not talking about the one in Battersea Park, are you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Oh yeah. Who is this? Every time my brother rings me, I'm like, mum's dead. My brother would just ring at like two o'clock on a Wednesday. There'd be no kind of preamble to, I'm going to give you a bell letter to talk about this, that, the other.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
It's so, it's, isn't it kind of so, man, anything they do on their own now is just suspicious. Do you know what I mean? Like, they can't be in playgrounds anymore. And now they can't even be in zoos. Everyone's like, what's he doing here though? It's weird. Well, that's weird.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
He could be going through, like, I mean, there's great healing therapy in animals, you know. Maybe he can't afford a therapy dog, so he's in just having a pet of a goat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
weirdo yeah well you're not allowed to film like I because I live near Clapham Common and I'd be out kind of like filming bits and bobs and I'm always aware because there's loads of kids playing and sports and everything and I'm really conscious that if my camera's even facing that direction that someone's going to come over and taser me and drag me off in a van
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You can't. Did you report the man for being in the zoo on his own? There's a single white male in Petting the Goats and it looks suspicious to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
So because of my nervous disposition, because I come from a long line of nervous racks, I assume my mother's dead because obviously that's my biggest fear. Yeah, but it's not. He's just ringing to chat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, it is. And if that man is listening, just know that I didn't make the mental leap that you are. I didn't think that it was a bestiality situation or a non-situation. I just thought that man's trying to enjoy a single Sunday on his own.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I wouldn't. There's a llama company. Not that you didn't tell me. There's a llama company and you can walk llamas. And every time I felt a little down on myself, I was like, I'll book that llama walk. Of course, I never did because I'm a lazy bitch, but yeah. I get great, great healing in an animal. Being able to pet something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
They're trying to recreate the hairy mammoth. Do you remember the... Woolly mammoth. The woolly mammoth. Yeah, yeah. Not the hairy one. But you see, they've started on a little mouse and they've made a woolly mouse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Was he pissed or was that not a kind of an attempt to unalive? Was that not an intentional attempt to unalive himself with some drama? I thought that's what that was. I thought it's like he's had some sort of breakdown. He's decided to unalive himself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
and wants to do it in the most dramatic fashion he can do it that's what i got from that but that's maybe because i have a tendency to be a bit dramatic myself no i wasn't aware we get to the zoo we're having a great time see the fellow with the coats saw an alice actor by the way oh who tom hiddleston i thought you were gonna say tom hardy there and i was i was right that would have been the first thing i said to you if it had been yeah yeah yeah hold on i need to google him now
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
How do you not know him? I don't know. Sometimes I'm surprised by my own ignorance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Recognize him. Good man. Good man himself. He's a labby there. Yeah. A-lister. A-lister. Yeah. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That is different. That's different. We have bits and bobs to discuss. We are business owners. We own a business. This is a business. I don't know if you've noticed, but. A business bitch. Yeah, we are she, I can't even say it. She-e-o's? We are she-e-o's.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
They went full supermarket sweep in the zoo merch shop. What's it called? Gift shop. Quite the haul. You should have seen it. Do you know what I would say to this? My immediate reaction would be, I don't have any children.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Okay. Point number one. So I like to treat myself. I thought that was the whole point. That's it. Okay, guys. See you next week. I don't have any kids. But word on the street is they are fucking expensive. And maybe this mother is a bit short on cash. And we know the zoo's cleaning up. They've got random men going in there on their own. Not just families. They've got all sorts going in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
So they've probably got loads of cash. And maybe this mother just needed, she just needed to give her kids some presents.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'm a socialist communist today. That's my vibe. I've just woken up. I think that's where I stand on this. You should have given her a lift home with a 4x4. How's she going to get all that shit back? Did you see her get into the car?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Big fans. Also, actually, now we're on the topic. I am doing a book tour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, when I say a book tour, it's two dates. Okay, lads? Don't get too excited.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Ronan, if you wouldn't mind praying for Big May book tour, I'd really appreciate that. What's the big one in the States, Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I'd like to visit NYC with my book tour, but currently we're doing Vicar Street the 26th of May and Union Chapel in London on the 27th of May, which is very exciting. Lovely rooms.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
yeah really nice rooms and I want to make them like really fun like shows not just like sit down chat about the book other things so we're gonna and I'm gonna get cool people to host which will be fun they'll be really nice so look out for your email is it about I'm not I'm not gonna ask I'm not gonna ask look out for your email do you want 26th and 27th of May if you're around I'll be I'll be doing I'll be doing stage managing will I I'll be in the wings I'll be in the wings
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Sorry. Have we not discussed the way Gollum is sitting there while we're recording this podcast?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
He just shooped, shooped away from my life. Shooped, shooped out. He's gone in the gondola.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
When Otto starts beating Gigi up, I'm like, that's a Matthews gene. That's nothing to do with Williams. Don't do that. That is Matthews all over. We never lifted a finger on you on the tennis court. Absolutely not. I don't excuse you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Almost nor annoying though, in a way, because you don't see it happening. So you're like, God damn it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I wouldn't mind, but people like us who are not tech savvy, we should have special like stickers on our heads or something like that to say, listen, don't rob us because we can't sort out our own phones. So like rob someone else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, Spenny and I had a big fight one day. Like, well, I say one day. It was a whole day of fights. And I was like, oh, this isn't going to look great in text. Like, for me or for you. And I was like, delete all your messages there. And he deleted them. And then when I went to delete mine, I was like, hold on a second, 12,000 messages? I don't know. And then I was like, no, I should, I should.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
As long as none of your friends die in the near future, you're fine because you're never going to look back on them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
That's good. I'm glad I didn't receive one of those messages.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Then you can't apologize. Before you do the apology joke, take that back. Let's be honest. Joanne was prime picking for the big pocket in Soho that night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
How did you get a new phone already? I just can't imagine you in a phone shop. Makes no sense to me. Imagine her in a phone shop. What? What do you think I do? Do you think I just fucking... I don't think you go to phone shops. I just don't. Tell you what, Neil Wilson doesn't go to phone shops. He got banned from a phone shop, my stepdad. Banned. Why? Why?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, he got a bit upset in there, so he was not invited back. Oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah, he had a bit of a nightmare in there and now he's no longer invited back. But that's in Edinburgh. They don't live there anymore. It's all good. Fine. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Fair enough. How did you get the new phone? I can't imagine you went to a shop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and... Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Do one meal that you buy, they give a meal to somebody who can't afford to buy a meal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
This girl's lost her phone. She needs the freebie today. Look at the size of Joanne's new lamp. Are you joking me? Oh my God, that could eat you. It's not AI.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I actually stayed out of it because I knew that you were going to. So I would like you to tell me and the listeners what happened.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
without the heavy shit Ireland we used to own Eurovision it was like our thing and then we lost our way everything went poppy fine so now let me tell you what happened oh god okay go on so Ireland were so good at Eurovision and we won all the time and we kept winning and then we couldn't afford to keep winning so we passed on the torch
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
We're so good, but they can't afford us. That's what happened. We couldn't afford to run the competition anymore as we said, you know what, we'll pass the torch. And we got Jedward on board. We can't afford Anthony.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I love... Two of the nicest guys in showbiz.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Oh, so sorry. You and Samantha are great friends now as well, yeah? Well, I'm team Mumba. I'm team Sammy Mumps. She basically, honestly... She added her music to a video in Ireland that they had this video of going around about like car crashes and how like you had to wear your seatbelt. And it was always the person in the back who did the damage. Always the person in the back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yes. Do you mind? I will never be caught dead without a seatbelt. Same. Excuse the pun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
That's what I was going to liken her to. She is like a pop version of Mother Teresa.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Hang on one, sorry, hang on one second. I just want to see if Samantha follows me because then I'll know my opinion on this in one second. Oh God, I can't watch this live. Uh oh. Of course she will. She will. You better watch it live. I'm ringing her. I'm ringing her. No, she doesn't follow me. I'm sorry. I completely agree with Arthur. She does. She doesn't, but I don't follow her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You can drag a horse to water, but you can't make a drink. Can't make a drink. There it is. Do you want the same thing? Same thing. Joe, good luck with this edit, Joe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I also want to shout out his cookbook because my friends will not stop sending that into my friends group of all his recipes. I haven't got it myself. Heard it's good. Anyway, go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You tried to cook eggs in an air fryer once and you haven't used it. I'm an air fryer girl. What else have you cooked?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Do you like how she threw in that she'd had two kombuchas earlier? Okay, Joanne, we know you're a queen of health. Sorry, hang on while I get my kimchi.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
The kitchen. No, the best place in Ireland. The best place in the whole of Ireland.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
All right, listen, Joanne, it's a fact. I'm just saying. We're talking about Donal. He's from Hoth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I don't understand how people get it so wrong, though. Well, we didn't bump into this man. There's a man lying in a ditch. He'd fallen over. And I was like, oh, God, we'll have to go and help him up. So I went and helped him up. Not a helmet on. And then realized, oh, hang on, this man cannot ski. And he was on his own. And I was like, then I was like, I can't leave him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Sorry, hang on, hang on a second. We sent Dustin. You see, I told you, we didn't have the money to put the show on, so we sent Dustin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I love Dustin, but like Dustin is no singer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I will tell you. Joanne! Joanne! I have the rhythm of a bin bag and if I wanted to be a pop star, you would allow it. You would allow it. I'd be like a paper bag flying in the wind. Yeah. I'd be that man, you know, those things. I just think like, I mean, I obviously, I've done dancing shows where people are like, you did this, this and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I never, ever, I don't think I've ever got a nice comment because I can't dance. But I think there's a way of telling people, you know, you're complete shite. But like, it's Amanda Mumba. Yes. And she's not shite.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, Samantha wanted to do it, but she should have just been like sped way into the Eurovision.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
We can't afford it, Joanne. That's why she wasn't chosen because we can't afford to have her win and have to put on the competition ourselves. We don't have the national income.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So I started snow plowing him down. And then I got to the bottom where it was real. I had to pick him up three times. He couldn't. Can a peasant ask a question? What's ski ploughing? What's snow ploughing or whatever? So snow ploughing, it's like a pizza slice. So you put your skis into, the skis go into the tip. So it's like you're doing a pizza slice and it's how you stop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
If you want to pay for it yourself, Joanne, and your own taxes, that's fine. But I'm not up my taxes to pay for the Eurovision. I'm happy to watch Dustin and Samantha not do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, I was actually thinking, Samantha Mumbo, I would love to have her play at my 40th birthday party that I haven't organised, but she's too pretty and I don't need that at my party. To be honest with you, I want to be the prettiest girl there. Thank you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Have you received the invite? Have you received an invite? Here we go. Have you received an invite?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You're getting a special invite to a different party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
He couldn't even do that. And then I was like, I took him a part of the way down and then I was like, I can't keep helping this guy. I wouldn't mind, but he was wearing like a four grand ski suit or something. He was wearing Moncler. Everything was Moncler. And I was like, you can afford a lesson.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I think, though, having been here for three or four days now, I think it would be such a good holiday for you, Joanne. I think you'd really enjoy it. I actually agree, you know. I think she'd just go down the slope in a snowplough though, just like T does, just like straight down, absolutely no turning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I hear you guys drop people off. I'd love... Why am I popping up? I'd love to take... I'd love to have some lessons. It's so, it's so much fun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Of Alpen. Alpen. Picking the raisins out left, right and centre up here. Love it. I'm having, honestly, it is just my favourite holiday. And I know that, like, I'm very lucky to be away doing it and skiing with the kids. A position of off-piste privilege. On-piste. Are you off-piste or on-piste when you're skiing? I'm always on-piste. Sometimes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yes. You know the way my friend door is shut now I'm finished with friends. But T's, there's a kid that T goes to school with and his
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
parents and him are here and I was like I will go out for lunch with them and they invited us for lunch and we went for lunch with them today and then I was really shy though because I'm like I don't know them and I get real shy about stuff like that so anyway we had the time of our life you make the best friends skiing almost didn't make it back here for the pod because I went a little bit too wild with them but like it's so fun everyone's on the same bus they have like this mental music just going on at like two o'clock in the day it's so
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Don't get me wrong. I will go with you, but like... You won't. I know you won't. I'm all for people trying new things, but you're going off on an instructor on your own. Like until you get better.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Now that you're in London, go to Hemel Hempstead. You go on the dry slopes there. You'll have a great time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
But you and Amber, I don't know if you can come at the same time as each other, to be honest with you. I think that you'll be a liability to each other. Amber and Joanne on holidays is something that fears me more. To be witnessed. Yeah, I'm too frightened to see that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You wrote into the group colonoscopy, which obviously picked my ears up. Do you know where you get some interesting interview requests?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I think that's a colonoscopy. No. It's the tube up your ass. Yeah, but this one isn't for medical reasons. It clears you out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
A colonic irrigation. I reckon if someone had come to me with a colonic irrigation years ago, I would have been like, okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I've done a couple of jumps today, to be fair, but mostly on-piste.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I think that's the least of your worries if it finds a fibroid.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Would you mind if we did a 15 second video of your internal insights, please? Would you mind if we did that? Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So on-piste is like the slopes that are, slopes that are like cultivated for people to ski on. Off-piste are the slopes that are not cultivated. But some people, have you ever seen that on TikTok? Where some people go, they go up on a helicopter to the top of a mountain and basically ski down, like mad stuff. Not for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Your liver just ran away. No, this is too much for us. We've put up with enough. I'm done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Do you ever go for a smear there and they're like, do you mind if a student nurse comes in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Colon is a different story in all fairness, but I can't believe there's a company that would want to do that. Like who wants to? In fairness, I want to see it on Instagram actually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I did have a message from a lovely listener and she said, Oh Vogue and Joanne and Jo, the egg comes out too with the wall shedding unless it's fertilized by sperm, in which case it sticks to the wall and grows into a baby. Isn't that nice to know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, I guessed the egg and you guessed the wall.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I knew something was going on there with the egg and stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
The egg and spoon race. You know yourself. Same thing. Same thing. Some lot of spoons you ate, you lay an egg. And you see Louisa, my manager in the group, actually said something I didn't think she would admit to. She didn't know that women had Three entrance points. Is that a nicer way to put it? Or a more disgusting way? No, not entrance points, I don't think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
No, I think entrance points, Jo, depending on what you're into. Exit or entrance points. Yeah. No, okay, I'll just say, women have three holes, and my manager didn't know that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. That's how she learned. I think you should bring that joke back. I should.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
We're learning. We're learning. I have three kids and I'm still learning. So I'm glad that they haven't asked me that themselves.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. That's exactly what happened, Joanne. I thought this hole's had enough. Go on to the next one. I don't think that, like, T's like, and where does the baby come from? And I'm like, Your tummy? I just don't think he's old enough for that. He's six. I can't tell him. That'd be terrifying to hear as a six-year-old. Well, it may be because he's a man, not as terrifying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Like a hot potato. Everyone wanted you. Who's going to have her? Who's going to have her?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I don't even remember learning about that and finding it. I remember learning about periods and just like literally latching on to that so badly that I was like, please, God, let my period come. And obviously it didn't come to me for years and years and years. I was 16 at the time it came.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
We've also said that we don't like people talking about holy stuff. So bless you. Yes. What? Because I was like, please, God, let my period come. Please, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Excuse me, America. Yes, I think we will do a post.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
No, maybe not Donald Trump, but anything else. Anything else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Joanne, we're not slagging him. He says God bless after every sentence he says. He does. He says God bless, God bless, God bless. I don't know if he's a prayer or not or that's now just something that comes out like, oh, your grant, your grant. Now his is God bless, God bless.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, I prefer that. That's like when you meet a stripper called Crystal, you're like, well, what else are you going to be? And she's like, no, Crystal's my stripper now. Valentina Tershkova orbit Earth 48 times on a solo mission lasting three days. Now that is impressive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
My ankle flask. As quickly as they'd taken off, the crew landed back in Texas. So it was actually, it was actually shorter. They were, they were gone for, I think, approximately 11 minutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
My foot, so we had Katy Perry, we had Gayle King. Yeah. Lauren Sanchez. Yeah. Amanda Wien, Aisha Bow. They all spat up. It was like one of those, it was like a fancy Thunderland trip. Do you know that, did you know that ride where you get spat up the tube, you go all the way and you nearly vomit and then you come straight back down, which I think actually lasts longer than 11 minutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So there was a whole big hullabaloo. But the funniest part of the whole, obviously there's all the drama around the fact that the fucking atmosphere and we're here sucking on paper straws. Like Jeff isn't doing enough damage to the environment with this Amazon bullshit. And now we're fucking adding to it all. It's a joke. But, like, you made the valid point, folk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Everything's a joke if you unpack it. Like, what's the point of anything, really?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
You'd probably be like, why not? I don't, yeah, there's something to, see, so Katy Perry is, she's kind of getting all the main shit because she's probably the most pop culture. Famous, she's the most, yeah. Mainstream one, yeah. But she, when did she get so hippy-dippy? She's talking about love and light and her higher power and her higher self and,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
but she released her so she's about to go on tour and her last single wasn't she didn't do very well because everyone was like oh you've kind of you're bringing us old feminism with your kind of swinging cupcake tits and your lollipop hats whereas things have kind of moved on now we've got more serious issues at play so she got a bit of backlash there but she so she's about to go on tour but when she was up in the sky she released her set list oh
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, it's a bit crude. It's supposed to be like that. And then they all sang a chorus of What a Wonderful World and came back down. It's a bit up its own hell, is what it is. Didn't she have a daisy? I saw she had a daisy. Her kid is a daisy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
her kid's called Daisy, but that, when she dragged that, that to me looked like she last minute panicked and she forgot to bring something on and she just fucking plugged to Daisy. No, no, no. That's her kid's name. Would you not bring a photo of the baby?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And then just throw the thing in And just And then And then I will give it an L squeeze I've given that bag a squeeze there now You're not meant to You're not meant to Mess with the tea bag You have to let it do it's own job Don't interfere with it Don't interfere Look at me interfering with it Look How does that make you feel Looking dangling Look at that Poor thing That's actual tea bagging It's gone in her mouth there It's gone in my mouth there now For the listeners So
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
They didn't even break the soundbar. Like I said, the Eurostar goes further. It's actually really hard to be, it's really hard not to slag it. I'm trying not to. I know. I mean, I want to support, do you know what? Okay. I hate watching women shit on other women, but it's a level of bubblegum feminism that it's very hard to get behind. I saw one journalist describe it as an Uber.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
She said, they just got a fucking Uber up this guy and just came back down. And calling them astronauts when there's people, like they did two days training.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Did you see Gayle King's face when she was about, when she was ringing the bell about to board? No. They all rang this bell on the way to the rocket or the Uber or whatever we're calling it. And I didn't realise, Gayle King is terrified of flying, but her face, she looks like she's about to board the barge of a hen party that she has no interest in being on for the day. Like it's this...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
it's this dread in her eyes but I didn't realise it's because she's scared of space or not scared of space sorry scared of flying yeah but like what an extreme version of flying do you know what I mean Gayle King there's one there's a picture of Gayle King and it's like Gayle King confirms Katy Perry sighing in space and then underneath it it's like no wonder they came back so quickly people are mean but that's funny
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
With their 19 years of training. I mean, I would have been nervous going up to space as well, but it's all just a bit much. It's just a bit much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
They're calling it a rich person's roller coaster. We want no part of this at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Katy Perry was kind of recommending it. She was like, you must go. You must. If you get the chance to go to Space Girls, you must go. She basically went to the girls' trip to space. It's It's kind of a fun read, but also a terrifying read. Apparently it emitted the same emissions as like 600,000 households per year. All their shit. What?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And then, because, and then the celebrities kind of slagging it off, which, I know, I know, I know we're kind of having a little go on the podcast, but like, we're not, we're not like celebrities.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
A hundred percent. You'll be off to space with fairy. They've sent her up in a pod. You've opened a pod. It's a cleaning pod.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Vogue Williams doesn't allow anyone to sip a cider on a trip to space with a fairy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
at least we acknowledge our own hypocrisies do you know what I mean like you know yeah yeah no tell us now I saw did you see the thing that Emrata said I thought it was a bit much now I have to say do you know Emrata Jo Emily Ratajkowski well done ding ding ding of course he bloody knows her hello yeah she looks like she was designed in a lab by a 14 year old boy that's what I say about her
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I have friends who, like, they take their tea making very seriously. I have other friends who reuse tea bags. How do you feel about that? Who? Who? Name and shame those people right now. That's unacceptable. Yeah, they reuse them. They, like, ring them out and reuse them. And do you know what? I understand it. I don't know whether it's an environmental thing, an economic thing, a financial thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I know that sounds so shallow. That's highly insulting to me and Jo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, sure. You're always fucking banging on that door trying to get into the flat to feel better about yourself. Send me more of your naked photos, Joanne. They really give me a lift. Turn around? Yeah, that's great. Now that I've had a good look at your naked ass, I can get on with my day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
The ugliest pictures. I'll send you my passport photos, Mo. You'll... You live happy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And it's Amazon. Like why? Like, like they're running the, like they're part of the massive, we've, we've spoken about this before. Us plebs down on earth, rinsing out our yogurt cartons. And this, as I was recording, the rich person's roller coaster up to space, which costs like 11 million, I think, or something like that. Now, it's his money. He can do what he wants with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
But like, we've obviously, that's from us buying fucking like hooks for the back of our door for 19 years off him or whatever we're buying off him. Shocking Katy Perry video resurfaces undermining all her claims about Blue Origin trip.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
climate experts say the 11 minute trip was enough to in inverted commas alter the atmosphere and the video is like hi I'm Katy Perry let's take a journey to see how man-made climate change is hurting children around the world she said in the clip filming for UNICEF I mean it's not this is what I mean she didn't just go because she wanted to go to space she went because she thought it would elevate her tour you don't just do these things and it's so it was a silly silly move yeah it was a silly move in my ex-publicist opinion
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So do I. I agree. And as well, I haven't seen, like I haven't, there's been all male crews have gone to space. Celebrities, there's been male celebrities have gone to space. So anything like this, clap back, which I'm fully aware of as well. I wouldn't want to go to space.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I don't know. I don't know. But they reuse their tea bags. Do you know pigs eat tea bags? Pigs eat mainly anything, but they'll eat a tea bag. Yeah, well, I guess because they... Yeah, I wouldn't... I couldn't say I'm shocked by that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Well, if we're going to go to space, we're using someone else's name. I'll be going as Mariah Carey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
22 months and elephants pregnant. Right. God imagine her ankles. God love her. God imagine her ankles. Oh, four of them. Oh, four of them. My God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
That is impressive. I guess that is an example of an amicable breakup, which we're not that used to. Consciously uncoupled. Yeah. I mean, yes, it does happen. And also I think some relationships are like, oh, it's just ready to end. There's no ill will. We might as well all stay in contact and stay friends. It's lovely. If you can pull it off, power to them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I think they eat each other. Like, I think they don't... Farmers sometimes kill pigs and then feed them back to themselves or is that cows? Yeah, they're like eating around kids and all. It's fucking terrible. That is just... Sorry, speaking of kids, congratulations, Jo, you're back. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, that's really nice. Do you know what? Do you know what? Bruce, Demi Moore does that with Bruce Willis and his new wife, his name is, I can't remember now. They kind of gel their whole family together and did it in a very adult, amicable way, which is also impressive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, they're Will's sisters. Do they have baths together? That's very Girls by Lena Dunham.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I believe, I must correct myself, it's not Demi, it's Demi. Do you know how I remember how to pronounce her name? It's like Semi. Demi, Semi. Is it to me or Demi? Who cares? Her granddaughters are buying it together. She's got bigger problems. Come here. In other news. Yeah. I'm after inheriting a pair of pigeons. Oh, they shit everywhere. Be careful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So there was, there is what I thought was a little cat basket on one of my windowsills, which my bed looks out onto, right? Yeah. Now, in hindsight, I should have understood that it was actually a bird basket because cats, I'm not familiar with cats. A bird nest? No, it's a basket. It's not a nest, it's a basket for little birds to kind of hang out in or whatever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
But when I came back from America, because obviously I hadn't been here for a couple of weeks, so they'd had the run of the place. These two pigeons, who were clearly in a relationship, I'm assuming, because they spend a lot of time together, are living in the little catbird basket on the window. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
so they're but they're and I was like oh this is gorgeous now this is all very snow white bluebird on her shoulder I can I'm gonna just look out but I have to stay really still because when I move around they kind of fly off a lot but they're making these weird gurgly I don't know if they're burping out there or they're gurgling they're making wild noises so now I'm not too sure about this kind of nature on the window situation but that's a pigeon noise that one they're kind of I don't know what they're yeah that's a pigeon noise
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
It's like... Rats of the sky, they're called. They're burping. Chickens of the sky. Rats of the sky. How dare you? They're chickens. Oh, no, sorry. Tunas are chickens of the sea. Sorry, I start corrected.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yes, excuse me. But the woman... I'm trying to figure out which one's the woman pigeon because... Because as I say, they're clearly in a relationship and I'm a girl's girl. So I'm trying to see if he brings back a different bird. I'm going to try and let the other one know somehow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
You haven't eaten her yet, have you? No, not eaten her yet. No need for that just yet. Not eaten her yet. Well, wait till the water shortages start, Jo, when the apocalypse comes. But anyway, that's a conversation for another day. Jo is back after how long, Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Why? Have they done time? Why would they?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Like that just is not true. There's just no way. And like I'm the most gullible person on the planet. I thought I'd have you with that. You knew it wasn't true. Of course. You're like, all female pigeons have a tramp stamp. What? That's crazy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'm going to leave a load of the contraceptive pill on the window and the hope that the female birds eat it because that man's fucking around. I'm pretty sure that male pigeon's fucking around. I'm like, girls, have your fun in that cat basket. But just now, he's a huge red flag. If I see any blue tits or robins in that thing, I'll be documenting the whole thing and let the girls know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'd love that. Yeah, that'd keep you up all night long. Yeah, I'll adopt one. That's a free surrogacy. Just to raise a bird.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'd love it. I don't have time to get a dog. I could keep the pigeons in the air for her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I did, yeah. I don't know what that was about. What was that about?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Four days later, I hope it'll be hard-boiled. I was, because I'm a bit jet-lagged at the moment, so I... Can't sleep. I'm doing what I need. It'll take me a couple of years to get my circadian rhythm back in check, but this is how I roll. How many hours behind? Five hours. New York's five hours behind.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, it's a pain. But look, it's a pain, but it's a privilege. It's a privilege to travel. But because of my circadian rhythm, whatever the fuck that is, I'm up all night, no more than yourself. So I'm obviously bet into the TikTok thing. And there's a video, there's a TikTok going around where a girl is saying that her boyfriend kicked her out. So she's like, she's on the way out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
We've missed you. We loved having Emily.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
But all the comments underneath, there's thousands and thousands of comments, which obviously I've screen grabbed all of them just in case I need to take revenge at some point in my adult life, which I'm hoping will happen. I mean, I'm hoping I'm not done with her heartbreak and pain.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Olivia, my trainer, has been off, which means I've also been off. So I literally haven't lifted a weight. I haven't broken a sweat. I haven't done anything in three weeks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I had a bit of definition. It's all gone. Isn't it crazy? I basically have just wasted away. It's gassed. My favourite bit of advice. So there's 23,873 comments underneath this video. God, girls, come on. The one that appears the most is to spray milk all over his apartment. Now, I didn't realise. That's a really smart thing because that'll slowly go off, but he won't see it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
The whole place will just reek because there's nothing worse than going off milk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Exactly. This is my favourite. Take the microwave spinny plate thing. That'd be so annoying as well, to be fair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
That's so mean. Glitter on the ceiling fans. Now I love this because you know the way men get annoyed they get cheated on they just punch a wall. Listen to how strategic this shit is. Glitter on the ceiling fans. Can you imagine the fallout from that? He'd be months with the Dyson to get rid of it. He'd never get rid of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Someone's like rubber troopers around the toilet and I'm like in this comment section that is amateur. Weak. Weak. Amateur. Amateur input.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Like that is like really, really bad. You're right. This is saying more about me than them really, isn't it? Here's one. This is a funny one. When I was a kid, my mom peed in my dad's cologne when we left. And I thought, yeah, that's something I would do. Veet in the shampoo? That's too much for me now. I don't want him to lose his hair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
But I'd happily, I'd happily piss in his legs Africa, is what I'm saying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
You know, we know how it works. We look at each other twice a week and between those times, no one can look each other in the eye or speak to each other and then we come back on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
You don't tell us. It's like your birthday wish. There's a Reddit thread about people who've been blocked by celebrities and the reasons why. And this one. Seven or eight years ago, I used to follow Busy Phillips on Instagram because I thought she was cute and funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
However, every day she would post intense close-up videos of herself working out, like on all fours, pouring sweat, staring into your cell. What a strange woman. Listen, if you can't handle the feedback, don't ask the question.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Here's another one. Mario Lopez accidentally followed me maybe a decade ago on Twitter. I sent him a DM two weeks later saying thanks for the follow and was immediately blocked.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Don't say anything. Obama follows me for some reason. No one knows why and I've never acknowledged it because I'm like, everyone's still, hold still, hold still, hold still, hold still. Let's not acknowledge. Leave it as it is. Stay silent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I don't like what he's about. I don't like the whole kind of... He's so antagonistic. He intentionally encourages pile on some people. I don't like it. And I basically, yeah, kind of tweeted him something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
There's no free bar. Apparently 60% of people go and took out a loan to go. They're on a payment plan. That's why I assumed it was free booze. It's so expensive. So expensive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
apparently Lady Gaga's performance was her her magnum opus which is like her fucking her peak performance basically apparently it was insane yeah I know and apparently her new album is insane and you know me I'm not a muso but I'm gonna get involved
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Having to listen to myself talk. I'm trying to figure out how best to ingest your book because I really want to read it. But I'm a big audiobook fan, but I don't know if I can listen to you talk for nine hours or whatever it is. I don't listen to it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Maybe that, yeah, this kind of, this idea that people stay friends with their exes, it's something I really would like to experience personally. I have yet to understand that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't mean from the past. I mean in the future. So it's something I would like to try in the future. We won't have that growth till the next life, I wouldn't think. Like, okay, how about we don't go nuclear on this? How about everyone stay calm? Even if it was a happy Christmas text, even that was a situation. I have nothing. No, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe if that's your thing. I've been Joanne McNally. She's been Vogue Williams. He's been Joanne. This has been My Therapist Goes To Me. We'll see you soon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I might have to hire someone to read it to me. I might have to hire someone to read it to me. I really might.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
What's your favourite accent? I'd listen to Crazy Frog do it for nine hours more than you. I just, I can't. Put me in Dutch. Put me in Dutch. So coming up, Pina Files coming soon. I'm in Southend on the 22nd of April. I'm in Bury St Edmunds, April 23rd. I'm in Colchester, April 24th. Oh, and there's tickets for Leicester on the 17th of May and the 16th of May. And then I'm in Europe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So I've got Lisbon and Berlin and all those kind of fun places. And all the tickets are on JoanneMcNally.com.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Drinking tea. Looks very weak. Looks very weak tea, yeah. My tea game is the most controversial thing about me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, you'll still fit it in. I have faith in you. I'm going to send you... You'll be squatting on the stage. You'll be lifting kettlebells in the wings before you pop out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Happy tour to you. It's a new me, I'm telling you. This one's going to be totally different. You're not going to know me. I'm going to leave this tour in a better place physically and mentally than when I start, which has never happened before. That's my promise to myself. Jo, would you mind keeping a tab on my... I have new neighbours who've moved in upstairs and they're very heavy on the floors.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I forgot to call down. Sorry, I have moved in. You've moved in upstairs. The gaggle. The Williams are upstairs. And last night I was sitting in bed and they were very heavy on the floors. And I was like, I fucking, and I was like, Joanne, I was like, what lady? I was like, you're not, what's your man from Friends with the sweeping brush? She used to bang on the floor.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And then Chandra nearly turned into him. Mr. Hackles Mr. Hackles Mr. Hackles I was like wow this is the closest I've come to turning into a full blown Mr. Hackles I was going to take my mic stand and start banging on the ceiling keep it down I don't know what they're doing up there
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, that's what it is. Get them onto Ruggable. You'd know you studied engineering, Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
very much or whatever you did construction Joe what the fuck was I going to say to you I'm raging now poor Joe looks absolutely knackered he's not going to remember either thank you Joe you look like oh this is what I was going to say to you Joe just as I was about to say I said Joe you look like a newborn I said you look like a newborn father
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
yeah that's what you have the look of someone who's run ragged but when I when I was in New York after some of the shows I would I was having some drinks with some of the girls who'd been to the shows because they're like it's they're smaller rooms and stuff you're kind of buzzing around the bar and uh one of them asked me do you ever mind when we're mean to you and I thought I think she she seemed like she felt a little sorry for you and I said no I said he
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So it's barbaric what I do, and I've been... I've had, it's like I say, I've had dog's abuse over before, but I just, as we know, I'm not big into finesse. I'm not very refined.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And then I was like, oh my God, are we mean to Joe?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yes. It's a nagging, we're nagging you really. Yeah, I know that. But it comes from a good place and we hardly ever hit you. Only if you're really bold. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Like that's how it works in Ireland. Yeah. It's a very toxic kind of abusive situation to be fair. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I know you do one thing in your life and then they bring up a nickname that sticks with you forever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
When I think about it, I'm like, oh God. You're like, oh, here she comes, seven kiss Sandra. It'll be that kind of thing. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Here she comes, desperate Danielle. That'll stick with you for the rest of your life then. Yeah. Forever. And now he's moved to Hoth and I'm like, oh Christ. Here she comes, sleazy Saoirse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
no Saint Anthony had his work cut out sorry Vogue can I stop you there because this is a really good way of checking to see if Joe actually listens to the podcast oh yeah yes Joe what does can we just take a second what does the bag refer to the yeah that would have been the bag I'd have said last week probably what bag what bag Joe it wasn't last week what are you googling Joe wrong you can see him he's tapping yeah I fucking knew it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, you can guess my tea making. Guess the process. So we have two things at play. We have a tea bag, we have milk, we have water.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Well, you tried to cover your tracks there. Fair play.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And I wonder, is everything in it? Is everything in it? Is everything in it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I remember it was the same. I left a wallet with my passport, all bank cards in JFK Airport. The last time I was in America when I landed, when I was trying to get one of those trolleys and you have to pay with the card to get a trolley to get your luggage out. And Trudy and I leave the thing on top of the machine. Oh, God. And like the passport now and all, you know yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And how am I... The fact that I update my password so often, I'm still ugly in the photo. You'd think I'd learn my lesson. It's still a terrible photo every time. If you'd want to see the photo on my American visa, it's...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Very close, very close, folks. But not quite.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
you'd want to see the photo you'd want to see the photo of the American visa I only found them the spare photos in the drawer there the other day wow how anyone's ever ridden me is a fucking miracle frankly
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, there's something, it's like the overhead lighting and those photo booths are...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I know, yeah. It's terrible when you run out of confidence to ask for another go in the photo because you can see the person behind the camera is like, it's not my fault you're in business, okay? I have a life to live. I have to get out of here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Sometimes it is a little tepid. I don't know how to word that smeg.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Can we talk about the news story of potentially the year?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Well, I mean, it's space. It's 62 miles up in the air. Basically, it's... Space-ish. Space-y, space-y, space-ish. I mean, where do we even start? Firstly, can I just caveat this story by saying... People have just turned on Katy Perry now. Katy Perry's just it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I did indeed. Do you remember I got ripped off and I bought a smag cattle for like two shillings or something. My mother sent me a TikTok link that didn't work. And then I actually bought a smag cattle. I said, Joanne, stop being a, just buy the fucking cattle. Now, worse than that, I put the teabag in, put the milk in while the cattle's boiling.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And I feel, I actually feel bad for her because I, like I've said before, I don't like when people turn on people like that en masse like that. I also think even though this spaceship trip has been billed as kind of a feminist, it's a PR stunt ultimately. She wanted to go to space and she got offered to go to space for free.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Six women boarded Blue Origin's New Shepard rocket marking the first all-female flight since 1963. Oh, so there has been a previous all-female flight. Yeah, it was one woman on her own.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I don't want to be jizzed all over my face. Sorry. I'm sorry. I just... My eye's crusting over from jizz fest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
No one said you couldn't wear a mask. Shave your head. Do something. Yeah, something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Joanne, I've got some news for you. I don't know. It doesn't really feel like it's up your street, but it's definitely up my street. So I'm just assuming it would be up your street. Austin Butler is single. I'm just saying. He's 32.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Oh, Elvis. He plays Elvis. Yeah, right. Really tall.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Austin Butler now let's get this let me get my information correct you said the other lads were too old and not for you and I just thought to myself Austin Butler I saw it in the Daily Mail yesterday and I was like now there's one according to my sources which is basically the entire internet
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Kaia. Taya Gerber. I tell you what, I would. There's some people I would not like my ex to go out with and she would be one of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, I've heard she has a really bad personality. So there. That's the only thing you can say. Only you and another personality you know nothing about. She's got bad morals.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I completely agree. I get a lot of fun out of it. I love that Instagram account, Influencers in the Wild. It's one of my favorite things to watch because people just don't give a shit. And I think, do you know what? If you're standing in the middle of a packed airport and you've set yourself up a tripod, all power to you. Fair play.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I know, but this is my thing about it. I don't think that we know the full story behind that part of it because you just don't know when they broke up, when he thought he broke up. Not a clue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Oh God, I feel so bad for her though. You know, when you can see that's like, you can literally see how heartbroken she is. And I think it's actually really, really sad. I've just seen, she's just checked herself in somewhere for a little while, which is, which is actually a really good thing to do to be able to take time away. But like, fucking hell, there's literally nothing worse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Yeah, but also she's talking about it on the podcast as well. So I think that she's also bringing it up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Yeah, but one thing that I would say is that I think that the great thing about having a pod is that you're able to say your own piece and how it actually is and what is actually happening instead of other people just like deciding it for you, which the press would do anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I went to, I broke dry January. I'm just going to be honest about it because I feel like it will come out somewhere or another.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Yeah, I know. And it's only the 14th. I mean, it's kind of pathetic. Now, in my defense, I was invited to a child's party at the Dorchester Hotel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
No, it was a great party. They were going around. They had like lots of nice food for the adults, which isn't always the case. And they're serving Verve champagne. And I thought, if that was Prosecco now, I could have held back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
There's booze at all. I was thinking for T's next birthday, fuck it, I'm getting a barman. Like, that's what all the parents want. You need to have a good party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
but anyway I went I went and I had four champagnes and like that was it I did go home and have tea and I said I'm not gonna really kick the bollocks out of myself but you know what tea did I was saying goodbye to one of the parents one of the dads and I was like okay see you later like because we all have known each other for like two years now and we'd all be quite friendly and tea's like she's not single and I was like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
What the fuck did he just say? My mom's married. She's not single. I was like, how does he even know what single means? That is hilarious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
The crying ones are unbearable to me. I did try one myself, and then I realized how ugly I looked crying, and I was like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vijay Williams and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
When my parents broke up, like, my mom was allowed to go out with Neil, but then my dad used to try and bring, like, women on. I'd be like, who the fuck? Like, we'd go mental. And there was this one called June that he used to see quite regularly. And, like, she'd drive over. And I remember once her car wheel, like, banged the curb.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And me and Amber literally stood there, pointed at her, and were screaming, laughing. Like, we were terrible to her. We just... My dad wasn't too late to have a girlfriend. Like my mom was, that's fine. She can have a boyfriend, but he was not allowed to have a girlfriend.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, it was like Alec Baldwin's, Hilaria Baldwin, who pretends to be Spanish. She's back at it, by the way. She's broken into Spanish accent. She's back at it. The Spanish accent is back out. Cucumber. It's not back. It is. She's back. Alec Baldwin's wife got stung because everyone was like, you're not even Spanish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And she was literally like pretending she didn't know the word for cucumber and calling it cucumber. And now she's back doing it. She kind of got cancelled because of the lies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, Joanne, you're doing South Africa now, to be fair. So, I mean, let's go to spade to spade.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Who's this other one? Rachel, I haven't heard of her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
That's like really bad problems, though. I wonder, did she have any imposter syndrome at any stage during that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
You can't just claim to be a certain culture if you're not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, in fairness, if she didn't say she was, it's not like Hilaria literally going around pretending she doesn't know the English language.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I saw Angela Scanlon posting this thing about a podcast she was on and she was like, oh, here's a weird fact about me. I have a five-star rating on my feet, on wiki feet. And I didn't even know there was a thing called wiki feet. Obviously, I was straight on. Top, top, top. Neither did I know anything about wiki feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, I'm not using the podcast to show off, but it says that I also have a five-star rating on my feet. And there are lots of pictures accompanying it. And my feet don't look that great in the pictures, but other people seem to think that they're five. They're five-star feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
It does say that I'm an AUS, which would make me a six UK, which isn't true, but I'll take it because one of my feet is a size six. The other one is a size seven. Oh, wow. Now, here's the bad news.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Everyone's feet are slightly different. Mine is just an entire size. So one shoe's hanging off and the other one fits perfectly. Wow, I didn't know that. I'll show you. It looks really rotten in real life. What a little weirdo you are. I love it. Jo, cut that out. I don't want to ruin my rating. Joanne, your rating. Oh, I'm on it as well. Oh, of course. You are. Lots of shots of the old feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Delighted to be involved. Delighted. Go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I think the sandals might have dragged you down. There's a couple of shots of the sandals, right? From back in the day. You've only got a four-star rating. I'm sorry. You've got a four-star less than mine. I know, I know. It's not great, Joanne. It's not great. I'm sorry to drop this on you. You're wearing a lot of flip-flops.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Oh no, like I always click into them. They know what they're doing and I'm like, oh, hang on, I can't miss this post. Where is it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
You want to see some of the ones of mine, though, in fairness, like the claws. But like, I still, I'm sorry, I still have a five-star rating. Even with the odd-sized feet, it's still a five-star rating. That's what you're missing. You need to have different-sized feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Okay, 94 nice. Listen, I'd like to point out the 464 beautiful, by the way. Wow. Yeah, yeah. 46 okay, 12 bad, 8 ugly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I've heard a lot of stuff about my feet, to be honest with you, okay? Don't take it away from me. They're like boats and I'm happy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
My feet have been putting on a busty display a lot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
If I was you, I'd be posting a couple of vids there on the Insta because that's a bit embarrassing now for you, to be honest. It's not great. It's not great. Who else is on there? Who else? Vanessa Feltz only got a three and a half. Not great. Oh, Vanessa. No. Not good. Katie Price got a four and a half. And Lily Allen, this will cheer her up, five stars, but she does do OnlyFans for her feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Maybe I should be doing OnlyFans for my feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
but I wouldn't say I don't know I think it's like that I'm going to start stressing my feet up like in bondage gear and stuff and popping them on OnlyFans the only thing about OnlyFans is people lie about their OnlyFans all the time so like remember Blac Chyna was like ooh I earn 12 million dollars a month and then she was earning like something like 26,000 dollars a month from OnlyFans which is still massive but it's not 12 million dollars so everyone Yeah she was yeah she was fudging things she was showing off a little bit
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Like, I don't know. I just, I enjoy it. Like any kind of food picture, like I'll always watch your stories when they pop up because I'm like, what's she doing with herself now? What has she done? What has she done?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
So you have to be putting out some pretty... Well, I'd be having my feet kissing each other and stuff like that. So my content would be gorgeous. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
They'd be in the water. I'd be splashing them around. A little flipper on them sometimes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Stir in your soup. Stir in your soup. Ooh. Scrambled eggs with the toes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, I'd say she was all over the mother like a rash. And that's why the mother was like, I've got to do something to get her off my back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I wonder if he's on Raya. I must go back on it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I mean, don't stand for it. You girl, you get out there. Bring yourself back out there. You find yourself a new rag doll. You don't need to put up with that shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Agree. I had a little news story this week that made me want to vomit in my own mouth. I'd rather you did that than someone else's, but go on. So, I do that in my private time. Thank you. Keep it to yourself. Oh my God, I watched this. So there's this guy called Jamie East and I watched it. His Instagram is very funny. He finds all these mad videos and there was a video.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
This isn't the story I was going to tell you about. It just reminded me of it. There's a kid in the back of the car. Now she's about like 20. Then there's the son in the front seat and he might be about like 22, 24. And then there's the mother. And then the son's like, ha ha, look at the way my mom used to feed me when I was younger. It's the only way I'd eat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
she chews up food and then spat it into his mouth and he ate it. And the three of them like, and posted it to the internet. And I'm like, what is wrong with your family?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
He must have been about 24 and they thought it was hilarious. And I'm thinking to myself, I can't even drink someone else's drink. Imagine my mother spitting food into my mouth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
oh yeah no no no would you mind it as a baby no I wouldn't like I wouldn't like to even know that it happened as a baby like Theodore I tried to wipe toothpaste off his mouth you know your mum used to lick your thumb and he was going mental I was like get it off god she's going for a fancy what are you doing for the rest of the day Joe I am going into work and then going to the pub
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Oh, you're going to the pub. At least that's nice. I am. I'm doing some work. I'm collecting GT and that's my day. And Joanne's off for a fancy lunch and stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I'm sorry, but your Insta game is not strong over there, by the way. You're posting like three stories a day and I'm not happy with it. And I'm really excited when I see them. I want six stories from this lunch day. I want an outfit post. I want from the lunches. You can stop when you've had too much to drink. I'll allow that. But maybe throw in the odd drunk questionnaire, please.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Guys, I've got to go. I've got a brunch. We have to go, too. We have stuff on. We all have to go, actually. Yeah. Everyone else, yeah, fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
They've taken my spot. That wouldn't even...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Yes, there she is. Looking great. I enjoyed your latest Instagram post.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Well, listen, do you know what? All I can say is, and I'll always have your back, you've made contact, which is more than most people do. So you've made contact. And have you even rented a car? You're walking up and down to the beach every day with your little wine in your hand. And that's fine. Balance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
You could have done your FlexiFit app. You could have done the challenge. All you had to do was bring a few bands down there with you, but you chose not to, but that's okay. I'll be popped to Evelyn.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And I know that everyone thinks I'm a loser because of it. But like, I don't judge other people for the way they holiday. And I just, that's what I enjoy. Like, someone was like, my therapist actually was like, so what do you do for yourself? And I was like, I love going for runs. And I love going to, and he's like, even he was judging me. He was like, yeah, but like, what do you do for fun?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I was like, excuse me. That is fun. That's hilarious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
You've rubbed off on me on sorting my face out. I'm currently sitting here with a sandpaper face because I went in to see our friend. Yes. I'm always like, what's she done? Why does she look like that? And I don't. I'm having a problem, guys. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Do you know the way I'm talking about the internet being mean in January? Like mean, it's getting me particularly badly, I have to say this January. Well, now I am being blamed for something I didn't do. So there's this TikTok of a girl on a Wizz Air flight. I have no problem with Wizz Air. I have no problem, but I haven't flown with her in about six years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And so there's a woman sitting there and she's just recording herself and like she's recording. And then a woman beside her goes, please stop recording me. And she's like, I'm not recording you. And she's like, please stop recording me. Like I'm famous. I don't want to be recorded. And then your one claps back and she's like, OK, sir, because your one sounds a bit low key like us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And he goes, I'm a miss. Please stop. I don't want anyone to know that I'm here. And your one's like, I'm not recording you. Now everyone has decided it's me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And so I went on to my TikTok and Briley, the girl who looks after my TikTok, was like, I was talking to Amber about this as well the other day, and Briley who looks after my TikTok was like, she's like, I don't really understand what's happening here. Hundreds and hundreds of comments being like, oh, you're such a great dad, sir, on a video of me and Otto.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And they'll be like, look at the state of this. She's only got 5,000 likes and she thinks she's too famous to be filmed. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I have been put in the search bar of this video so everybody thinks it's me and everyone is now attacking me and slagging me and saying I'm a bloke and like well done dad and like how shit I am and that like your kids are going to be so embarrassed of you when you're older and I'm like people had sent it to me saying oh haha people think it's Vogue I assumed that was just like a joke I didn't think you were actually being accused of it oh my god as if Vogue Williams is going to fly with air come on sorry
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
That's like my accidental one when I was just on the slopes in my swimsuit, like complete, you wouldn't believe it. I was just going out, I was minding my own business. It was just a candid moment. Yeah. Just a candid moment. Hang on, the mountains look right behind you, let me get the shot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Do you know what I actually think it is? It's that woman, I think it's the woman on the plane and her friend actually just did it to try and make something go viral. I don't actually think it happened.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
You take that rage. You take it. Every single video. Release a statement. Release a statement. I did. I had to put a video up, but every other video of mine underneath, it's like, oh, hi, sir. Oh, who's this fucking loser? My TikTok's ruined. I know. It's not fair. Oh, my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I just think that like now anyone can do anything they want to people and it doesn't really matter like that people just decided that was me so now everyone's attacking me and then like a couple of years ago when like people were trying to be awful again and send some ridiculous voice notes and it just there's nothing you can do about it you just have to let it go and it's like the internet is so like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Can people not just like, if you want to be a troll, I said this on a video, like, can you not like just learn a language or something? Like you could learn a language with the amount of time you spend trolling somebody. I could learn a language with all the scrolling I do in fairness, but you know, we're not talking about me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Oh, I'd like to meet Louis Theroux especially. So actually go on, cancel it. It was me. I was the one on the plane. It was you. I always fly with Eric. It was you. I got like a voucher for Christmas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
I had overnight oats this morning. I'm doing this thing for Lorraine where you have to eat. You can't eat ultra processed food for two days. But like that means no special cake for breakfast. You can't have any crisps. No chocolate because no one's going to eat that raw crap.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Some people actually do. Remember Heidi Montag was going around with like a raw liver in a plastic Ziploc bag and chewing on it, walking around LA like, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Imagine the stench of her, just like old meat. In a sandwich bag. Joanna's just ripping the whole house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And then I was like, oh, my God, stop. I'm in a swimsuit. I didn't even notice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Some are father and son queuing up. Father and son.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
It's so, to be honest with you, like I obviously have mixed feelings as well because I feel like women should be allowed to do what they want. It's your own body, your own choice. But like I am concerned by like the Andrew Tate business of the world.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
And it feels like it's in that seedy part of the world, which is quite worrying for the younger generation to think that people like that are OK and like that that's OK. It's like it's not like, no, it just makes me feel icky.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
Basically, she has a rule that, like, for it to be a sexual encounter, they all have to finish. But then if one guy is going in and then the other guy is going in after... It's all mixing all together. And then what about Mr. 100? Like, it's like, imagine sharing a bath with someone, right? And you're like the fifth person to get in the bath.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
It's like, then you're just, you're just like washing in dirt. Surely they're wearing hats. Ah, yeah. Jesus. I don't care if you were wearing a fucking 10 hats. You're still getting other people's business all up on your grill.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet
It's a quick innie-outie, an innie-outie job. And I think that, like, because that would be work to them. Like, it's not... Bonnie Blue is not looking at that as having, like, a positive sexual experience where she's going to have a great time. I think it's more like a job. It's a numbers game.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
God, how have we not killed each other?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Some people can't. I still haven't seen that street dancing video. They're always threatening to whip out. We need to see that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Well, the problem is that was with my ex-partner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
What do you mean when you was a kid?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'm going to go full tennis. If going to Wimbledon isn't taking the soup.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
This is a Global Player Original Podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Or just go down and click on all the stuff you're actually not interested in, like pictures of steam trains. Click on all of that stuff and then it will think you like steam trains.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Do you ever bang a duster in your time? Like chalk blackboards.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Don't worry, I'm not just doing an audio for Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That's why I was surprised when I was like, I know that story about Chelsea Handler because we don't usually let things slip through the net when we're on the phone to each other. Don't tell me about it. But I must have allowed it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I felt like I was your mentor when I saw the picture of your room last night and it was gleaming, not one thing on the floor. I was like, my work here is done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think I want mine to be Kristen Wiig. That'd be a nice duo. Imagine we could be friends with them. We'd have a great life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah. How does that feel? You want Kristen Wiig to be your mentor. Chelsea Handler, who's also going down the slopes in a bikini. Okay. Yeah. I see where you're at.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, Sharon, we're just saying if you're available, we would absolutely love the opportunity.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'd let her piss on me. Of course you would.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You should start going out with her brother. There's an in for us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think you're too nice. No, you're too nice to them is what I think. Do you? Yeah. You're too nice. You're too nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I just think that you're very generous and you're very kind. And I think that when you start to like somebody, they get a bit, they get a bit, what's that called? They take you for granted.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
When I look back at certain people that I was going out with, I'm like, oh, I can see why that didn't work out. Because you just get, you're like, I don't care about me. I only care about you. Well, what can I do to make you feel better about yourself? Fuck me. Morning, King.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'm like, what can I do to serve you, King? My sweet man child, I love you. Yes. I will lie in this puddle so you can walk across me. I couldn't bear your feet to get wet. Don't get me a towel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think we should try it. I've always said that I'm not really into manifesting, but it's working for some people and it might. And also, also, I wouldn't mind being in, what's his name? What's his name again? The Irish actor that I love. There's many. There's many. I know, but I was watching him last night in the thing on Netflix. That doesn't really give it away. I was watching him in a movie.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You know him. He's good crack. He was dancing at the SAG Awards. Ah, come on. I mean, I'm telling you to come on and get angry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I would, I'd raise awareness. I would too, but I don't currently have it. I don't have it. I told you, I'm not a real, I'm not a thrush girl, really.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
He'd be a great one. I was watching that. I started re-watching the thing on Netflix last night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
No, I get that sometimes and it's like, hey, and it's somebody else's name. And then you know who that was. It's like, come on, like, don't be that sloppy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
We know we're trash, but at least show like a little bit of respect. Come on. Yeah, he's writing your copy. Someone was asking me for tickets for your gig and they were like, I can't get on to Joanna. And I was like, well, first of all, I hope you didn't get on to her calling her Joanna because she's not. I was like, please stop calling her Joanna.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Happy International Women's Day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I got myself a glue gun. Is that of any interest to you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'll go down. I love that that's your first avenue. No, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
No, Joanne, I've started crafting. Thank you very much. Oh, God. Listen, it's the schooling system in England. You have to make Easter bonnets. And I want my child to go in with a great Easter bonnet. So I said, do you know what? I'm going to go in on it this year and I'm going to make two really great Easter bonnets and I need a glue gun for that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And I just really feel like it's like when I got that drill that I still haven't used that you wanted to borrow, which I'm glad you didn't and weren't able to. It's the glue gun now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, we might not be as stupid as we seem around the reproductive system because there has been a recorded case of a woman becoming pregnant. Joanne, you actually showed me the story. Anal sex.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You don't want your crochet cushion I made you? No? I do. I do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
If you had a glue gun, your life would change.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
There's a couple of random things that I wanted to buy this week. The glue gun was one of them and I did follow through on it. But a follower sent me a picture of this taxidermy. Wait for it. And you're going to tell me to buy it because it was... Fantastic. Ethically, I don't know how it works, but it was there. It was in a shop. A follower sent it to me. Garth the giraffe, just the neck up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
It looked so cool. Garth the giraffe. Imagine him downstairs. Sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, you can't hold a whole giraffe. You can't. It's like when Winston kicks the bucket. I can't have the whole bod. It's just got to be the head.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
It's the part of you I'd miss the most, to be honest, so that's what I would just want to keep.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Topless or a little... Of course topless, of course topless. Okay, okay, I did think. I do have children in the house, so I just wasn't sure. I might have to pop you downstairs out of their eyelines.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I will be rolling in my grave. Yep. Because you will still be up there. Yeah. Just polluting yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That's not going to happen. I'm going to make sure of it, right?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That's so nice. I thought you were going to say 78. So that's very good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, God, that really scares me. I tend to get my age wrong though as well. I go down though. I'm like, I'm 38. And then I'm like, no, I'm not 38. And I've had to start thinking about my 40th birthday. I'm really considering it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I don't feel sad about it at all. No, why would you? I feel like it really snuck up on me. I used to look at 40-year-olds and be like, they are ready for the grave. And now I am one of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You live here. You're a grown up. I used to think that I'd love to go back to my twenties, but I wouldn't because the twenties were so messy. You were so unsure of yourself. Like now I'd look, I might go back for like a sesh when I was 20, just like a two day party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
we'll dip the toe in for a two day party I'm telling you now 40 is the sweet spot I'm telling you well I'm really trying to figure out what I'm going to do for the 40th because I'm going to have to start I think I want to do it a little bit earlier because I think I want to do something in my house in Ireland and have it outside so I need to do it when it's sunny so I'll wait until the kids go back to school because as soon as the kids go back to school that's when the sun comes out oh great idea yeah always happens every year yeah I'll be there with the giraffe what's his name Gareth
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think I'm just more excited to be going into my 40s because I remember when I was going into my 30s that's when I got divorced and that's when I literally was like oh well that's it for me I'm never going to have I genuinely thought to myself I'm never going to have kids I'm never going to get married this is like I wanted to be in such a different position in my 30s like I kind of thought I'd ruined everything for myself and then to think back that that's nearly 10 years ago and where I am now it's just it's so nice to see that life moves forward and it does get better
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, what silence? I don't even know what silence is. I had silence in my house the other day and I thought it was haunted. I was like, what the hell is going on here?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I love Amy Lee Wood as well. I think she's brilliant in it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Her and the fella are so funny. I actually think it's a really good series.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, so I regret, and my mom always told me I regretted it, but there was no stopping me when I was 14. I used to have a huge gap in my front teeth. All my other teeth were exactly like they are now, but I got rid of the gap. And my mom said, you're going to regret that. I'm like, oh my God, I should have kept the gap. It would have been less boring.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I like my mother to think that I have never had sex before. So she too thinks that I had an immaculate conception. And you know what? Mary, when she had it, God was just a fellow around the corner. He was called God. And she was like, God. It was me and God had the baby. Indeed. Yeah. Where God came from.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
But you know what I was surprised by? Because I thought that they swapped the whole cast all the time. But there's two of the cast members from from like the first series are now in this series. So I'm like, I know that Jennifer Coolidge can't come back, but I'd love if she'd come back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yes. It's Poirot. I love it. And Natasha Rothwell is in it. And she was like, she was one of the, she works in the hotel in the first season.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Can I be honest with you? I am a little plug here for Never Live It Down. I interviewed Ardal O'Hanlon and Ardal O'Hanlon, he's out, he's on Monday. So this is out on Friday. So he'll be the episode on Monday. And he did the show in the Caribbean.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
He was in Guadeloupe and he was like, it sounds like it was a, it was a great job, but he was like, but I was working like 12 hour days, six days a week. And then he'd have a day off and he'd leave his family for like six months and he would just be out there on this little island. So it's, It's like, they're working their artists off, I'd say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
My work wife and CEO, Vogue Williams. Oh, very nice, fellow CEO. Hello, everybody.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I find when I stay in hotels, I get really weird after a while because sometimes I just want to sit and like, I just want to have a bowl of cereal. It's kind of hard to make that happen at like 8 o'clock at night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'm too spoiled rotten. My God. Actually, I would do it. I would 100% go and stay in that golden cage in Thailand. And I'd be very happy about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I feel like I need to start acting. I want to get cast in something cool. Well, as I told you, I did the Gaelic School of Acting. I would do an acting class in London with you. That could be our thing that we do together. I used to love going to acting classes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'll do four days if you put me in Amanda Land season two, which is coming back, by the way. Oh my God, this is like, I hope Sharon Horgan never hears how much we've been talking about it. I know, it's really embarrassing. Cut all of this. It actually sounds a bit stalkerish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I couldn't have them around me. They'd be so full on. So Sharon, what did you do this weekend? Tell me about yourself, Sharon. And what were you like when you were 10?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I've actually already started erecting it, would you believe? Good. Erect away. I just wanted to say erect. Do you remember we were talking about cruises last week? Yes. My phone must have been listening to me because my algorithm is now low, which I'm not against as loads of cruises because I will eventually road test a cruise. But I watched this one of this woman who... Road test a cruise?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Do you mean water test a cruise? I will water test the cruise. And I just find them a bit scary. I don't like hearing about the people that are going overboard and stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Like think of all the cruises and all the thousands of people go, but you just focus on those stories. And it's like, and she was never seen again. I'm like, oh. But this woman said she was traveling on her own, right? And she did this TikTok. And basically, here's her 12 tips. She did this whole story. So she put a deep sleep sign on the door, secured the door with a portable door lock.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
So she bought her own door lock to add to the door that was already locked. Then she covered the people with a plaster. Then she locked the doors from opening because she got two hangers out of the wardrobe and then did another lock over the door as well as the lock. Then she rolled a medium towel and put it behind the handle so people couldn't push the handle down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Then she installed a doorstep alarm, doorstop, so a little doorstop. So if anyone pushed the door, an alarm would go off. Then she got this chair and put the chair... the chair up against the door. And then she installed a wireless security camera above her bed. And then she went around checking for mirrors, checking the mirrors for hidden cameras.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And then she had this hairbrush that basically could You could take the end of it off. And she was putting all her money in this hairbrush so it was hidden. And then she went and checked outside to make sure that nothing was there. No lurkers or anything just hanging outside. And then she closed the curtains and used towel clips. I mean, that kind of scared me again about the cruise.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'd say, Joanne, I'd say you was left with the door wide open. I remember once in uni, we went away with our whole class and I got absolutely deranged. And they all had gone to a nightclub and they had to drop me back and wake up the lecturer, who was like this six-year-old man. And basically he had to leave my door open because he was worried something would happen to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
So I just slept with the door open all night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I mean, she'd be dead, right? Come on. There's a bit too much security there. And then I was thinking, what are you planning on doing if there's a fire on the ship? You've screwed yourself. You've locked yourself into... To like a room that's just going to hold all this smoke because you can't get the door open.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I wouldn't bother. We've stayed in hotels when we were on tour, like somewhere in, I think it was, where was it? I think it was in Liverpool and it was this gorgeous big old hotel. But I was so scared because they put me like way off. And I was actually more scared of like ghosts and stuff. And I had to go down to reception. I was like, can I move closer to reception?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Because I was just a bit scared. I was like, but I didn't have a door stop or anything like that. I did like the door stop idea. I'll give her the door stop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Boil it a couple of times. It'd be Grant. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I've started picking up chewing them off the ground again because, you know, I'm trying to be more sustainable. I'm not overthinking things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
No, because I used to do that when I was younger. I used to eat chewing gum off the ground because I wasn't allowed to have chewing gum. So I've started doing that again. Ah, yeah. Ah, yeah. I swallowed my chewing gum yesterday at a job and everyone was like, what the hell is wrong with you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I was like, are you still living in a world where you think that that's going to stay in your stomach for eight years? I swallowed chewing gum all the time. Sometimes I can't find a bin. I am the bin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I've said someone said to me yesterday it's like rubber I was like do you think chewing gum is made of rubber I was like of course it's not made of rubber it's this tiny thing I've swallowed loads of chewing gum I am the test bunny and you're grand yeah I'd rather swallow chewing gum than halloumi whatever the fuck that is oh my god I love halloumi dog toy cheese gross Well, John, that's it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
What? That's it for the main app, yeah. I know we're having an absolute ball. We haven't even started on politics.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think you're thinking of Jane Norman or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That was The Main App. Thank you so much, everyone, for listening.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'm actually very excited for our new lives. So am I. I have a feeling we will just be still in each other's warm bosoms, but we can always hope and pray. Please, God. Please, God. God bless.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Ta-da! Ta-da! And you can also pre-order my book if you would like to. And if you would like the audio, you can buy that once it's recorded.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Anything you don't enjoy that much, chuck them in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And leave me alone. I'm reading.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I don't think we are. I don't think we are. We aren't. We're fine. We have to move on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, you reminded me of something. I was doing a job yesterday for a brand. I was in Ireland working and I was being filmed in the car with a delivery driver for a brand. And like, we were just kind of told to just have a chat and have a conversation. And I was in the car with him. Lovely man. Hello, Michael. Lovely man. And the conversation obviously takes different turns.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I was showing him loads of places around Hoth that I love. I will take you on the same tour soon when you come up. And we were going by the graveyard and you're just talking about God there. And I was like, I was like, this is why I bless myself. And then he sort of blessed himself at a funeral. I was like, I wouldn't believe in God. And they had to stop filming. They were like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
No, we can't use God's chat, sorry. I was like, oh my God, am I being holy? Has it rubbed off on me? You took it too far. Yeah, well, they don't want me to talk about God's chat, which is fair enough. I was like, just don't use it. We were just having a private conversation. I wanted to know if he was spiritual. Yeah, God means different things to different people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That's a great time span you've given there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Do you know what I find fascinating? So seven hours ago, I was having what I can only describe as an episode of anxiety. So at two o'clock in the morning, I woke up and out of nowhere, I just got myself into a panic, had like a little... Basically, in a two and a half hour panic attack, I had to wake Spencer up and everything. I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
It sometimes happens to me when I get, you know, I get bad anxiety. And now it's like 11 in the morning and I'm like, you know what? I feel fantastic. I feel like I needed a blowout.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, Joe has had... I don't know. Do we tell his news? Yeah, we tell his news. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think you tell the listeners because I think he might have told me about that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
He's had a baby. He had a little baby girl. Yeah, I wasn't sure if we were going to go that far, but a baby girl and he has called it Vogue Joanne Ashywell.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think fair play for saying it though and not just ignoring her forever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think the presidents go there as well. Do they? I don't know how I know that, but I think it's true. We might have to fact check that, Emily. Is it the American Cotswolds? I think it must be.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I have to stop reading the Daily Mail. Honestly, I know too much about celebrities. Whoever this Martha is, she's really cracked it. I want to go there. We have Obama Plaza or whatever it's called.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
It's a petrol station. It's a petrol station. But it's a very good one. He's been there as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Oh no, I've actually seen the birth certificate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Everyone needs petrol and a fry in a box. Obama was there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
No one likes to be taken or feel taken advantage of. But I wouldn't say that I ever feel taken advantage of. I'm very close to my family and stuff like that. And we love going on holidays together. But if that shit started going down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Oh, well, those I don't really agree with the finishing of stuff. I think that like when I'm away, we all like we do our supermarket shops and like we all just make sure that everything is stocked up. Everybody has what they want and what they need. And it's it's quite nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I was on Lorraine today and I was telling her, I was like, cause her granddaughter's called Billy. And I was like, oh, if I ever had another child, I'd love to call it Billy Valentine. Cause I thought it was so cute. And then she was like, yeah, BV. And I was like, oh no. Not BV, bacterial vaginosis. I was like, oh, I didn't even. Maybe it's just me because I have OJ, Otto. Otto James, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I know, but can you imagine being 16 and being faced with a bottle of Belvedere vodka? You've like taken 10 steps up from the Red Square. You'd be like, you wouldn't, you wouldn't be able to leave any behind.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I have now convinced myself that, like, if I buy slightly more expensive booze, I won't feel as hungover. But now I've convinced myself that if I have tequila, I won't feel as hungover. Tequila's great. Very good for you. I was out last night. I went to the Devonshire. Your mum was asking about you. We were talking about the raw chicken dick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'm everywhere. Everywhere. And it's all on your website. It's actually easy to navigate. So there you go. Thanks so much, folks. You're very welcome. With the tech feedback. We were laughing about that. But I went out with, I was out with Ryan Tuberty and I was out with John Boyne, who you know that I'm obsessed with. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
He's one of my favorite authors because he has agreed to give me a quote for my book. Oh, lovely. And look what I got. I've got a proof of the book. Oh my God. I know. It's in my hands. I kind of threw it at Spencer and I was like, do you want to read it? Don't read it. Do you want to read where you're in? It looks great. I know. I'm really happy. So it's nearly 100% done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And if anybody would like to come to my book tour, I'm doing two dates in May. One in Vicar Street and one in London. And my book is on pre-order. I'm starting an audio for you. Only for you. Just for me. No, everyone can buy the audio, so I'm starting the audio this week as well. So it's very exciting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't even know. I don't think it's the munchie... Oh, maybe it is the munchie housing on herself. There's something munchie housing-y going on there. Did you see that girl who was basically online and she was making her child sick to try and get people? So she was munch-housing. Munching, munching. Munching her child. Yeah, and she got caught out doing it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't know and like I'm no expert on the Munchausen I'm sure there's men who suffer from Munchausen as well and Munchausen by proxy I never know the difference but it seems to be all the ones that I read online are all women let me see do men suffer from Munchausen there are two separate groups of people affected by Munchausen syndrome there are women who are 20 to 40 years of age often with a background in healthcare and unmarried white men who are 30 to 50 years of age weird yeah weird so watch out
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Munching away down there. Chomp, chomp, chomp.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Sixth Sense when the girl comes to him and she and is puking in a pot and she's like you're so right yeah sorry I was like no no no and Eminem rapped about his mom being munching as well did he yeah that's how I found out about it I found out all my news from Eminem from Eminem I totally forgot about your one who was yeah she was getting munched up in her room yeah Sixth Sense what a great film what a great twist what a terrifying movie I see dead people and then we don't want to ruin the end but
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Amber keeps saying Sammy and I can't bear it. She's like, oh, I just made myself a toast at Sammy. I'm like, what? And she's always saying it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
You like that? I did like that. It's good, isn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
My partner in ghosting. What are you doing for Valentine's Day?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I want a hot tub for the balcony. Imagine we could hot tub. You already have a cold tub and a fucking sauna. I don't do the cold tub anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I said I don't like that. Do you know what I said to myself? I said to myself at the start of the year, I said, I don't like the cold and I don't like getting in that ice bath. I don't see any results from it and I'm not doing it anymore. And have I done it once? No. And I don't want to do it. Apparently it doesn't do anything for you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I did put my face in it one day when I was very hungover but that did help. I must admit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Did you see that thing online where Korean people put elastic bands on their ears for 10 minutes and it reduces all the bloating and somebody put it on one ear and like you can see all the bloating go from this side of the face. I thought the person actually looked better with a bit of bloat. It triggers lymphatic drainage.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't care. I'm actually going to text them right now and get myself on that pod.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
She knows a lot about stuff like that. Sorry, Joanna, if you don't mind, I'm trying to lymphatic drain my face. Oh my God. Do you know what? I've given up the scooter as well. Something bad happened to something real bad. I came into Global yesterday on my scooter because it was raining and I thought I'll treat myself and get the tube. So I scooted to the tube because I'm not near a tube.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
And I came into Global looking a bit frazzled, dragging my scooter up the stairs. And I walked in and who do I bump into? Sitting on the couch on my scooter. Keith Lemon, Emma Bunton from the Spice Girls. I know who Emma Bunton is. And Jade, her husband. So what's wrong with scootering? Oh, God. come on, in front of those three and I bump into them in a scooter, on a scooter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Emma didn't laugh. The other two had a giggle. I allowed them to laugh. I was like, don't worry, you can laugh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't know about that name. It's at home. I don't know if it's going to make its way back out of that home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Do you remember Joanne forgets things when she decides she wants to abbreviate? What was that thing she kept doing? Hundy P. I've told you I am a raving hypocrite.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me the Valentine's Day special. Happy Valentine's Day, darling. Happy Valentine's Day, honey. Happy Valentine's Day, poppet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He's probably one of those people who thinks that, like, you're going to, like, I don't know, get something off their website or some bollocks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
going on with us I feel like there's a weird vibe and I'd love to just I'd love to just chat it out I would to be honest with you I would actually just say it to him I hate fighting lads yeah but I'd just literally be like I love coming in here like I really enjoy coming here I love the food I love the drink I don't actually my wife likes shit and it's overpriced but yeah go on go to the what's it called the Pear Tree in Battersea Park very accommodating the next time I see him I'm going to say I'm going to have a glass of wine because I can't I know I'm very bad at accommodating do you want me do you want me to come down there for you
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Oh my God, I went out. I went out on Saturdays to get a smoking. And I was only having a couple... Well, I was meant to have no drinks, first of all. And to say I took smoking to... I was like, beckon, I'm eight. I went to see Jason Manford. Oh, yeah. In the Palladium. Good old Jason Man. I am petitioning Jason Man. Yeah, I do get called that a lot. Yeah, Jay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'll say, what's my friend doing? What has she done? Tell Mama, what has she done? Valentine's.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
No one does anything on Valentine's Day. No. I mean... I'll be on an aeroplane on Valentine's Day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Oh my God. She'll only be back. Joanne, I will not have you speak to me like that. Is there any snow left though? I'll tell you what. Have you not shoop shooped it all away? I haven't shooped it away yet. And do you know what else? I've also booked a holiday for after the holiday because at least I now know that there's another holiday coming. So I'm sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
we were lucky if we went to Treboggan oh my god I don't think I ever got to go to Treboggan I do remember we went to the Rainbow Rapids that was close to the house yeah yeah yeah it was so it was so hardcore the Rainbow Rapids they were like little tubes that they push you down water slides I guess is what you call them yeah yeah and they'd be all like kids toes stuck to the lost property board and everything it was carnage but imagine something like Centre Park when you were younger like we never had anything we were putting cold water a lot
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
You got a babysitter. We were just shoved out onto the street. I'm going to be cycling around in her knickers. Covered in around feces.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
We used to have that. And then obviously when we met Neil, our lives kind of turned around a bit because Neil had a bit of cash. And Alexander used to drink straight my waddy with no water.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
am I romantic myself I think that I am romantic going back to the chicken pie I thought that that was romantic of me to like I think cooking meals I am romantic in those kind of ways or like if somebody tells me like something that they really like I'll remember it and like I'll get it for their for their birthday or for Christmas or something like so I'm not just romantic with partners your love language is acts of service I believe yeah that's actually not so bad are you romantic
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It is. Do you know, I used to try and make something out of it. And I remember like when I was younger, when like if you had a boyfriend, you had to be going out on Valentine's Day. Oh, the pressure was big. So I had a boyfriend at the time and he was painting, doing a job painting somewhere. And I was going out with my dad. And I went out with my dad. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
And I went out with my dad, a man of very few words.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
oh god no I went out with my dad because I thought it was cute and then I was like this is actually a bit weird now that I think about it now that we're here amongst all these couples in love anyway we went out got to range and then like went home and my boyfriend at the time came to meet me and like we ended up having a massive fight and he left and he wasn't even drunk yeah Valentine's Day it's a I'd say people thought you were Freddie's date from what I hear about Freddie um
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I get it you fancy my dad for God's sake I believe that we would have had a vibe I've said that repeatedly I just think Valentine's Day I'm not but when you were younger I feel like you were really worried about not having something to do with it and that's why like I like the idea of Galentine's and Palentine's but like who actually
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
She covered it with a bin bag. I know, but I do like a flower. Remember I said years ago I didn't like a flower? I do like a flower. I bought three... bouquets of flowers, if that's what you call them, in the shop around the corner for people in my life. And I thought that that was a nice thing. Valentine's Day roses.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
But then I said to Sven last night, because you'd asked me this question, if I was romantic or not. I said, are you romantic? And he goes, yeah, I am. And I was like, how? And he was like, well, sometimes I buy you flowers. I was like, yeah, but that's not that romantic. And I was like, tell me other things. And he was like, well, I don't know. And I was like, oh my God. You're not romantic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
But we have been fooled into thinking that he is romantic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I remember I was going out with this guy and I think it might have been either Valentine's or an anniversary and he got me this big, huge box and inside the box, he'd made this box. There were loads of different compartments and in the compartments, like one compartment was balsamic vinegar because I love balsamic vinegar.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Another compartment was this hair dryer I really wanted and another compartment was like a flump or something. So like all these things. That's so nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
well the hair dryer it was a parlour because that was that was the expensive part I mean if someone gave me a flump now I'd be like cheers thanks I love flumps I mean if someone gave it to me as a Valentine's Day present I'd be like you're a tight bastard it was the it was the whole mix of it but like today Spenny and I were in tea school and they were like some of the kids had made Valentine's cards that they were selling really nice ones and I was like here we'll get those two so we basically bought our Valentine's Day cards together now we have to fill them out but like that's a bit of yeah that's nice
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I never even considered you, to be honest. Yeah, of course not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
You don't respect them because you haven't given them a chance to pay for the dinner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Yeah, but sometimes when you do that... But I would judge you for letting me get it. Yeah, but sometimes when I've been out with you, you're like, no, no, no, no. And you're quite insistent that you'll get it. Yeah, but that's different because it's you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
myself to do it but there is a point where they could they could stop me they could slap my hand away yeah like I mean I like Spencer for instance he used to say to me he was like oh I always pay for everything and I was like no me you don't and like I really was against that I was like no I'm paying my way and my god do I regret it now yeah yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I used to have a friend that used to call all of her exes, well, he's gay. And I was like, how are they all gay? Yeah, they're not all gay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Everything in life is better when you're... Two glasses in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
This is very progressive that people are thinking of the things that they did wrong, possibly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
morning we've all done that that's not being the problem that's being smart that's just being smart come on they don't own all your time the only thing is like if you're like if you do spelling mistakes and stuff like that and you get caught out with that someone wrote this after four dates I bumped into him in a bar on another date and I joined them for a drink
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
oh no I don't I actually think I don't think there's anything wrong with that really it's really embarrassing but it is like something you would do when you're younger Dave what are you doing here he's like oh this is Rachel you're like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Spencer once wrote me a song. And he filled a bath with rose petals. It's written down here. I just forgot. Jesus. That's quite good. I mean, he wrote me a song.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
carnage like absolute carnage so there is a middle ground there is a Goldilocks comedy time which I think is 8pm I'm just saying that I think that you should consider for the Apollo and for the Olympia in Dublin that you should do a matinee did Jason Manford do a matinee yes he did do a matinee why do you think I was there a what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
a 3pm matinee he did two shows in a day ah there you go yeah yeah yeah fine 3pm matinee but anyway I went in and I loved that venue but I was like I'm not gonna drink I'm not gonna drink and then my friend was like ah you will have a drink and I took two ah you wills and I said okay I'll have one drink and I was like I'm not hitting the hard stuff I'm not going for the vodka I'm gonna have a glass of champagne gorge
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
great and she's like oh we're gonna have to put that in a plastic cup and I said not great but I'll accept it's not the same even I and even I with the with the palette of a bin bag know that champagne and wine out of plastic not the same it's just not the same anyway so I was like you know what I'll treat myself have a glass champagne and if you're usually on a show you're like I'll get the bottle but my friend wasn't drinking champagne on the wine so I was like I'll get a glass champagne to my horror they started pouring it into a measure
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
A measure? The champagne. The champagne into, they measured my champagne and I was watching the bubbles empty from the measure. And then she poured it into the plastic cup where more bubbles left the champagne. Hold on. So she was pouring in, so she poured froth into a beaker for you. She poured it into a measure like you do vodka and then from the measure into the plastic cup.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
And I was like, well, what's the point? Why don't you just piss in my glass?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I couldn't believe it. But I was like, sorry, I know we're big drinkers in Ireland, but like there should be rules. Like you don't need to measure wine and you don't need to measure champagne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I nearly fell down the stairs and died. The second...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
You lost the cock for a while. Did I? You did, yeah. You were very upset about the cock. Yeah. Was I?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It was honestly. I'm not a child. Two sips. Like, how bad are you at measurements that you can't just measure out a glass of champagne? Like, don't worry. Don't give me the whole bottle or anything. But like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
like when I used to work in a pub yeah fine I might have given extra measures to people but that was my own prerogative if I wanted to steal for them that was down to me but like I just think don't be so scabby with your champagne I know lesson learnt I hear you yeah don't leave the house again look you learnt your lesson maybe it was because it was the matinee they were like this girl's gonna get fucked up and she's got kids I recognise her
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
There was not one iota of anxiety the next day. And I wasn't even drunk. And I usually get drunk on a glass. Not one bit drunk. The anger, obviously. Oh, God, I couldn't. And then I sat down and there was these two women sitting beside us. And I was like... Your glasses are so full. They're like, oh, we bought the bottle. And I was like, that makes sense.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He did have a man on before him that was very funny. His warm up. Yeah. But he was wearing skinny jeans, but not the kind of skinny jeans that like have a little like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
painted on skinny jeans and i just thought it's such a heavy fashion statement like the neon you're wearing today wouldn't be for everybody sorry when i came in let's just have a little description of what it is for the people at home which is everyone else i'm wearing an american vintage
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It is. I didn't say it wasn't gorgeous. It is gorgeous. But it would be for only certain people like those skinny jeans. I couldn't take my eyes off his calves. I was like, I just, I couldn't stop looking. Who was it? Name and shame, name and shame.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It was the hat. It was definitely the hat. We don't call a cock a cock.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I know, I know. Like, I mean, his body is fantastic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He was very good, but I couldn't take my eyes off the skinny jeans. And I just thought it's such a big fashion statement. Like, remember that picture of the four boys who were wearing the skinny jeans and everyone was laughing at it for ages and ages. Like, he could pull them off, but I just thought...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't know if this will sound bad, but the guy that I was with, I was like, if you were wearing skinny jeans when I first met you, I don't know if we would have, like, clicked as quickly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
No, I wouldn't ever speak to you like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I feel like my vagina sighed when I threw all the mail. It was literally like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're too tight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Did I tell you I've become a trad wife? Tell us. So I really have. And people keep saying to me, oh my God, you're so domesticated. And I say, I know. No one's... I made a chicken pie. I don't like pie, to be honest with you. I actually don't like pie and I forgot that I don't like pie.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Everyone else loved it, but they won't be seeing that again for another six to eight months because I don't really like pie. It's too, it reminds me of when my mom used to make us eat stew and that's why I think I don't like mashed potato either. I don't want to eat stuff like that, but everyone else loved it. So I made a chicken pie. I made a curry last night. I'm making something else tonight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't come in swinging my dick. I come in swinging my penis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm on fire. I'm a trad wife. What happened that you decided to make a chicken pie?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I saw it on James Cavanaugh's boyfriend William's Instagram and I thought that looks absolutely delicious right yeah that's how social media works yeah and I just feel like I'm copying loads of people's recipes it started with fairy cakes remember we used to make fairy cakes but none of this bullshit like healthy fairy cakes I want the ones where you used to get the yogurt you'd pour the yogurt in then you'd fill the yogurt with sugar you'd pour the sugar in and it was kind of done like that yeah and I made those fairy cakes and they
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
are so good amazing and then I started and then I tried healthy banana muffins not good okay and so I'm just going through the list Sven was like why don't we get a cookbook and follow it like Julie and Juliet and I thought why don't you bring out a cookbook and I have enough shit going on I'm not bringing out a cookbook I'll bring out a microwave book a microwave book yeah yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm a trad wife. Also made a Brussels sprout salad there. I'm done. Good for you. Thank you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Paper. Did we speak about this? She made paper. My kids wanted to colour, so I decided to make them paper and crayons. Go to the shop and buy paper. Like, I don't want to do... It's like... And you want to see how long she spent making this shit paper that looked shit as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It was another woman who was like this. She just smiles with her mouth closed and just has this little smirk going up the side of her mouth and that's it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm going to try and be like your one, the other one who's married to Lucky. I'm going to start doing videos like that. Okay. About like when I do my, when my cupcakes and stuff and I'm going to wear sequins. Nice. And I'm going to talk about like this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I do look at her Instagram and I'm like, I don't like... I'm all for... I really... I texted you when I went into a deep dive about her. I couldn't get out of the hole. I was watching her for over an hour. And I don't mind that, but I don't want people like... There's no way anyone's life is that perfect. I'm sorry, you don't have time to do all that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
That's mean. That's mean of us. No, you don't. There's no point.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MORE Christmas Presents, Leopard Print & Ultra Dark Tan
No, I'm saying holla. Oh, sorry. I thought it was hola. Do you not think I'm cool enough for holla?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MORE Christmas Presents, Leopard Print & Ultra Dark Tan
I want to make you holla.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yeah, he watched it in like fucking March and wanted to talk about it. Yeah. Do you remember that too? Saltburn had been and gone and it was March and Duran's like, no, I feel like we need to discuss it. I'm like, well, the internet has already done that for us. I think there's no... You can't put a timeline on art. Do you know why I think as well, can I say one thing about Barry?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MORE Christmas Presents, Leopard Print & Ultra Dark Tan
I think because I wouldn't say like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MORE Christmas Presents, Leopard Print & Ultra Dark Tan
I I'm I've gotten abuse for like my whole time in the public eye I've just always had it I wouldn't say he's gotten one piece of abuse before this whole thing happened so I'd say it's really even extra shocking to him that people are being mean to him whereas sometimes I read something like he's that stupid fucking bitch and I'm like oh hi like you just get so used to it you're desensitized to it I have to say in defense I think it's never too late to discuss something as
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MORE Christmas Presents, Leopard Print & Ultra Dark Tan
It was quite an uncomfortable watch as well, to be fair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MORE Christmas Presents, Leopard Print & Ultra Dark Tan
Poor Barry. I do feel bad for him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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There was a man called Brian Thompson and he was shot point blank in the back of the head. He worked for... He was the CEO of United Healthcare. And basically this man came up behind him and shot him in the back of the head. And this man is now all over the internet known as the hot assassin because he is very good looking. Yeah, he is very good looking. And an assassin. And an assassin. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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But people are like literally going so crazy over him. Like I saw that thing... where his solicitor, his lawyer was saying, I'm not accepting fans to pay my legal fees. Like he's going to have to pay the legal fees. I'm not accepting money off people I don't know. Like people are trying to pay the hot assassins legal fees for him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Sorry, Joanne, they are green and purple.
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Didn't the hot felon, the other fella, didn't he marry... He married Philip Green's daughter and had a kid with her and everything. Or maybe they didn't get married.
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Shut up, Jo! And I would not like to tell you they were not cheap. Really? Because they look it. Well, they were not cheap. Sorry.
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It's like... It's not like one of those gratitude journals kind of thing. Yeah, but for a sociopathic... I've been saying it all along about meditation. It's not right. That was his gratitude journal. Look what's happened.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I did a TV show about the prison system in America and I was at this woman's house, right? And she had 276 firearms. And I was like, why do you have so many guns? And she's like, well, I collect them. She's a collection of 276 guns. That is her guns. And then her husband also had his own collection of guns. They had like something like 500 guns between them.
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I'm like, guys, this is actually completely not normal.
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I don't really collect. I collect clothes, I suppose. That's my excuse. That's why I have so many clothes. And also Christmas decorations. I do have a strange thing with Christmas decorations.
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Only 50 quid off them. North Face are so expensive. I wouldn't even go near North Face. I really treated you. But I'll know not to do that in future. Well, let's just put it this way. I bought you a present for your birthday last year and you didn't buy me a present for my birthday this year.
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Happy birthday, Judi Dench. She just turned 90.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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They must get it from the telly or something if the telly's on.
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What the fuck? I just think, what the fuck? Why do people have parrots anyway? I just find it so... I would not like to have a pet bird...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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No, yeah, you're right. You're right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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What's he seen, Judy?
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Okay, so last week I was talking about how I screamed at Alison Hammond. Bike! Yeah. And some of you have written in some pretty good celebrity encounters. So here's one. They bumped into Dara O'Brien. Hi, Joanne and Vogue. Years ago when I lived in London, I was in a pub with my now husband when we spotted Dara O'Brien.
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I'd had a few wines and was feeling brave so went up to him and asked for a photo. He was very nice and obliged and put an arm around me and we took the photo. I said thank you and to my horror, for some reason, I patted him on the bum as I did. He didn't even say a word and neither did I. We just went on with our evening. This was about 13 years ago and I'm still dying inside. I'm Fiona.
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He's a pro. What can you say? He's a pro. I'm telling you, people always touch my arse in pictures. Do they? Yeah, I put it down to my being so tall and they don't expect my arse to be there. So I never get offended.
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Oh, there is always. And the older the person, the more of an arse grab. I'm telling you. Women, men, everyone's at it. Here's another one. Oh, hello, Vogue and Joanne. Firstly, you want to say I'm a huge fan of the pod. I have an awkward celebrity encounter with Joanne. Oh God, okay, go on. I used to work in Brian Thomas Grafton Street. You do frequent there.
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Specifically at Bash. I was a really terrible employee and would just wander around the shop when it wasn't busy with my earphones in listening to MTGM. But anyway, while I was having a wander, one of the guys from another stand comes to me and says, Hey, would you mind watching that lady for a second? I have to go to the basement. I was like, watch her. He's like, yeah, she's acting weird.
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So I'm like, okay, fine, whatever. So I wander around for a while keeping a watchful eye on this lady. She's not doing anything particularly weird until she sees the box that's displaying the jewellery from the brand and tries to open it to get a closer look.
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Can I tell you how much I paid for them? I knew. Well, we can't send them back now. Look at her shredding the box.
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I'm assuming the lady is me that would be fine of course but the box is locked shut because it's for displays so she's really struggling with it so I go up and see if I can help and I come up from behind and say excuse me and the lady literally jumps out of her skin and it's like ah sorry the box won't open and that's when I realise it's Joanne
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jumps out of her skin that's me I have an overactive nervous system yeah and so then I jump because I'm starstruck I've literally just been listening to the podcast in my ears and now one of them is in front of me and I just burn out I love you and I just kind of run away not not I love your podcast not I really admire your work no I love you like I didn't know what to do so I just skedaddled around the corner and the guy from the basement comes and is like are you okay is that lady trying to steal the jewellery box he did not say that
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And I go, it's Joanne. No, I love her. And he looks at me like I'm a mad person. Who's this lad? Joanne. Joanne. Sometimes you go out and you look maybe a little bit like you could be doing a tiny bit of robbing. I'm not being rude. They look great today. Sometimes there's a possible potential rob vibe off you.
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Joanne's the hot felon!
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Joanne wouldn't have a clue these people are just following her around the shop to make sure she's not robbing that is a disgrace I'm the average felon how embarrassing she probably had her Canada goose on just going around juggling around trying to rip open a jewellery box
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Oh my God. That's actually kind of amazing.
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I was trolling you because of all the wines you keep getting served that are very small wines. But I thought that if you were having wine in your own home, you wouldn't mind having a smaller wine. It really is like a shot glass.
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It's the best. I don't even care about his policies. I just love that meme now so much. I'd probably vote for him. I wouldn't vote for him. Don't worry.
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I just forget them because I only have like a certain amount of famous people that I really love that I'd love to, like Eminem. If I ever met Eminem, I'd pass away and die.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I remember, did I tell you when I met, when I first met Jamie Redknapp and Louise, when I was like, when I was 13 in the airport in Sardinia and I went over and asked for a picture with them. I don't even know why I wanted a picture with them, but I went over. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And then Teddy Sheringham, which is a footballer, I went up to him in Portugal when I was like nine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I didn't, don't give a shit about football, but everyone else is going up to him. So I said, fuck it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Girl, I'll be out in a sec.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Oh, no. Like, I'm sorry, 80 quid you want?
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you won't sound gone very dark it always concerns me when a medium gal goes extra dark it concerns me a little bit one of my other friends does it and she looks like she's wearing tan how dare you look me up and down and say medium I look you up and down and I say medium much the same as I would do Jo
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Cancer. I've never, like, I never really got involved in the whole sunbed craze. I did once years and years and years ago, but no, I never really did. Now saying that, I'm not saying I'm a saint of any kind because I used to lie outside with olive oil covering my entire skin. So I'm not saying it was for that reason. Yeah, we all used to do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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No, no, no. Wait till I show you the way I was served those glasses. And they have them on those ads. You got screwed. I got fucking screwed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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You're lucky there's anything left. Anything left. Yeah, and it's just not a burnt nub.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I used to go look I wonder if they've got factor 2 oil if they've got factor 2 oil like don't bother just don't bother don't buy now yeah Spenny still wears 4 oil sometimes and I'm like why are you bothering like there's no point just don't don't wear it there's just no need for it do you remember the carrot oil
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yeah, do you remember people were getting the tanning injections where they'd get, they'd inject themselves and they'd always, you'd always know because they'd go some weird kind of shade.
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And also it was very expensive back in the day. There wasn't like reasonably priced tan. It was all like, it was all your Santa pay, which was like 60 quid. I didn't have 60 quid to pay for tan back in the day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Well, if you hadn't ripped them open like that, what are you going to do with them now?
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You always look amazing with a tan.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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with untreatable skin cancer from beds and that really freaked me out so i stopped yeah god i know i have to say i do know people who who do use the beds and like they're always really they're always really shy about mentioning it and i'm because everyone is like and like i'm even like oh my god you can't be using the beds
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Calling out influencers. Or being complete bullshit. It's been like, this actually isn't true.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Look how tiny they are. Oh, great. Great. Now they're on sale. Great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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It's still so funny. Like, listen to how ridiculous that sounds. Like someone was waiting outside to pop her outside of a sunbed shop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Oh, my God. That's so funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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In a roundabout way, you're welcome.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Before we go, yes, I would like to say that my book, Big Mouth, a lot of people are asking if it's going to be in Audible. Yes, it will be in Audible. I actually didn't consider that extra slice of work that I was going to have to do. But yes, it's on pre-sale in Audible now. So if you go to my Instagram, you'll see the link in my bio. And Big Mouth is there. Very exciting.
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I know. No, I love to buy... And I shot the book cover and the book cover is really good. Like, I would want... Like, I wanted a book that you'd want to keep out. Yeah. Well, maybe you don't want a picture of my face in your house, to be fair. Maybe get the Audible. Anyway, they're all up there. They're all up there for pre-sale.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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80 quid. Are you serious? 80 quid I spent on those glasses. I think they're very nice. Sorry, wait. Let's see how forward you say look in the picture. Oh, they're lovely in the photo. Oh, I feel absolutely... Joanne, get them back in that box now. I'm sorry, I can't accept it.
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I listen to you more than anyone.
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I'm too scared to not listen to the podcast. I can remember that one time. I just have to listen to the podcast.
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go now That's it for this week. Thank you everybody so much for listening and we will be back with a bonus on Wednesday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Great idea. Yeah, great idea. 80 pounds for your contact soaks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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That's how small they are. That is fucking daylight robbery. I am sorry, but I feel like emailing that company and being like, are you joking? And my friend's such a pile of shit, she ripped the boxes open so we can't send them back. But I just like you to know you're a liar.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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As you were in my house today, you'll have seen, I told Spenny, he was like, I'd like to get you something smung up for Christmas because he's got me my big Christmas present because I basically wanted my Christmas and birthday present together because there was a ring that I wanted. And so he got me that and he's like, I need to get you like a couple of little bits.
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And I was like, go into Ghani and just like get me a top or something. Yeah. He went into Ghani and like, it's really nice of him, but like, I haven't even gone through the stuff. Like those three bags, he came back with three bags. He's gotten me a faux leopard jacket. He's gotten me leopard knee high boots. He's gotten me a leopard bag.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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He also got me a leopard jumper and two pairs of leopard jeans. And I'm like, do you think I'm fucking Kat Slater? Like, why are you bringing all this leopard stuff up? Like three bags of leopard are sitting over there. I was like, I can't have that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I've just put out leopard. That's all I can wear from now on only. It's just leopard. Everyone's just buying me leopard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Did you ever wear a pair of culottes? I cannot imagine you in a pair of culottes.
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Oh, I'm talking about like I have culottes in my wardrobe now that like I was wearing a few years ago. Hot pink culottes that I can't get rid of.
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I love a culotte. Well, they just look like my trousers don't fit.
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Precisely. A little pedal pusher is all I get. Now tell us. Guys, honestly, I had to call the funeral directors, everything. I was so sick.
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Genuinely. Like, I have never been so ill in my life. I'm still not better. But on Saturday, I got so bad that I had to go to the doctor because I thought I had meningitis. That's how bad I was. I was like, There is no way this can be the flu. There is no way anyone can feel this bad. And it turns out it was just the flu.
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And I had to pay my doctor 500 quid to go and see her on a Saturday to tell me I had the flu. 500 quid.
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I would have paid thousands. That's how sick I felt. I had to lie down on the taxi. I had to lie on the floor of the doctors when I got there. I couldn't walk. Oh my God. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I don't know. I would have paid any money to anyone at that stage. I was waking up all night, every night, like nine or ten times. And I was having two baths during the night because my body was so sore. So I'd have to keep running a bath. Spenny was just like, are you just going to keep doing that? Or like, will I just move room? I've never known someone tried to get away from me more.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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He was disgusted. And then when I finally got better, I put up a post and I was like, oh my God, because I was waiting to get my flu jab because I had a cold. And the cold turned into the flu. And not everyone wants to get the flu jab. Fine. I get it every year. And the two years I haven't got it, I got the flu.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Well, absolutely. Happy Christmas to us. I'm thrilled. And I'm mortified with the present I sent you home with today. Really? I haven't opened it yet. Will I open it now? Will I open it now? Open it on camera. It's very you, but it's not as... It's the thought that counts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And I posted anyway and I was like, oh my God, I'm just so annoyed I didn't get the flu job. And some woman responded to me thinking she was talking to her friend and she goes, oh no, no, no, no, no, no. I wonder how much she got paid for that. And I was like, what? And I wrote back and I was like, go paint for what? And she goes, oh, the pharmaceutical companies.
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I was like, do you think the pharmaceutical companies need me to post about the flu job? You can't even get it. It's sold out everywhere.
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Oh my God. The amount of mails I got. Yeah. People were like, oh yeah, like the flu jab is going to, and I'm like, okay, listen, I'm not telling you to get the flu jab. But I am going to be in that queue. I'm going to be battering away all the old people come September and say, I'm skipping you. Yeah, I'll inject myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I know. Yeah. Loads of people get it. Like, I am telling you, you do not want to get this flu. I thought it was the end for me. Joanne, you left here today. I had to go for another nap.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Even getting in the shower, it feels like there's nails coming at you. Jo, have you ever had the flu?
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Lovely to be unconscious for it though. I kept waking up, which was the problem.
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No, I'm absolutely raging. I wouldn't mind. I just don't like being ripped off. Don't worry, I'll re-gift them. She's going to re-gift my North Face as well.
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Perfect. Thanks a million. I'm delighted now I spent that.
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Yeah. Did you not know that, Joe? Did you not know that, Joe?
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This is amazing that he doesn't know these things. Oh my God. You trust us for your news. I love that. I'm surprised that you're even so shocked. I wasn't, now I have to say, I wasn't as invested in them as everybody else.
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I don't even think I took an extra breath or anything. I gasped.
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I cannot believe she's being so generous. I am shooketh. Well, you know, I'm just doing it to fuck with you. You know that.
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Slagging his parenting.
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Do on. Do on. Okay? No.
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you're one who does not believe in monogamy is now because everybody can get cheated on it doesn't matter what you look like Bella Hadid can get cheated on Gigi Hadid anyone it does not matter what you look like I didn't mean to suggest it's because she's really good looking I just mean I watched them together via the internet I saw exactly what everyone else saw which wasn't a lot I saw fuck all of this relationship
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oh my god I'm absolutely it's perfect hold on let me get my tiny present you got me hold on oh my god I'm mortified I don't want her to open it now and she's going to do it in front of me as well I found them I found them it took me a while because they're so small but I found them okay okay well I mean I just saw them and I thought of you I don't know are they just is that it they're just the little tiny glasses they're wine glasses
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that man was mad about her like it was in his eyes he only followed her on insta there was no way you could see by him he was mad about her he was mad about her can I just say one thing though right you see when a couple are happy and then somebody makes a rumour literally up out of thin air about somebody cheating on the other person people are only too fucking happy to believe that it's true yeah
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I've been that soldier. We've all been there at some point. And people just love to jump on the negativity, even if it's complete bullshit. I don't think he cheated on her. I think that they broke up. I don't know what reason for. You're right. And Barry, we love you and we hope that you're doing well because we think that you're great. And also you, Sabrina, keep making espresso. Holla. Holla.
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Do you know, I join every text, you say holla. Sometimes I say holla.
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I didn't get the vaccine. I've got the antibodies now.
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What are you talking about? I feel fucking great now, actually, since I've come on with you two. I'm really upset about the wine glasses, but besides that, I'm great.
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Excuse me, I'm going to go through my messages. I holla at people all the time. I know I'm disgusting, everyone. I'm sorry. I can't stop the coughing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You weren't on that job. You were on toilets. You did not do that job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You should have learned how to make a bed because the skill they have making that bed is second to none.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Just AI yourself all over New York. She won't have a clue. She won't have a fucking clue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, get a hot dog, buy a hot dog stand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
It's a nice position to be in, I suppose. I'd rather be the dumper than the dumpee.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Now, what I have to say is I wouldn't be like mad pushed. That would never have even been on my list until you just said it there to go and see the Statue of Liberty. Because I can see her from the land.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And also you leave clothes everywhere. So you actually have no clothes left. So I can't wait till you leave that top in my house. I'm really excited.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I was looking for a toilet. The sparkly jeans on the top. Literally, Zara New York.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Maybe you and Spencer are leaving. Is he in New York with you? I haven't seen him this morning. Did he fly back to you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, you fucking ruined them. I wanted them. They were too big for you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Please be something I like. No, it's not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Sorry, I'm not laughing, but I know I am laughing because it's quite unexpected. But I actually think that would be so perfect for you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Okay, okay. Do you know what I have been thinking of doing? If you're actually going to do that and buy the sewing machine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I wanted, right, I have decks that live in Ireland. I wanted to buy myself a little deck that all come in one with mixer and decks. And I'm going to start like properly DJing again and doing it at home. And like really like learning, like I can mix, but like I want to be like a really, I want to be Tiesto.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
So I'm going to start learning that when I get home and you can teach me how to sew and I'll teach you how to DJ. This is amazing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
No, I'm upskilling. I'm upskilling.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Can I take up tennis? Can I take up tennis again?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Okay, for fuck's sake. Okay. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Skateboarding. I always wanted to learn how to skateboard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh God, I don't know. I honestly, I really, there's two things I can't do in this world. Play tennis with me and teach me how to play tennis. I couldn't bear having to teach someone how to play tennis if they weren't good. Like if I play tennis with one of my friends and they're shit, I'm like, sorry, I can't, I can't play tennis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You and Spencer would either be like Barack Obama and Michelle Obama or you'd turn into like the dictator Mao and his family and you'd go real dark and evil on everyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I could be. We don't know what my skill set is. No one's tested me yet. This is true. This is true. Okay. Do you know what? I have an idea for us as a couple. Oh yeah. I think that we should take up paddle. Everyone's going on about it. Everyone loves the paddle. Is that not just for middle-aged white men? Yeah, but we're not that far off that. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I brought three tennis outfits here with me. I haven't played tennis once, but that's besides the point. I have the most amazing tennis wardrobe. I've no idea why. I've been collecting it for years. I'm really taken by tennis gear. I've loads of gear for us. And I have a paddle racket.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
That's their own fault. I've got goss on the Vogue and your man from the band. I've got goss on the... No, do you want to make it look so old?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, hit me. Okay, so what I was doing today was I was shooting for Bare by Vogue and I brought back... Look, look at the top. I brought back the bandana. I was wearing a purple bandana as a top. I have not got a single tit to my name. Literally, they've gotten smaller. I know that you didn't think it was possible. I think they have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And the bandana top still fits around because I just don't have any boobs and I'm bringing back bandanas. But I did a whole shoot today on my holidays and I went into the bakery to grab a coffee in full makeup and this sparkly Rixo dress. And they all looked at me like I hadn't been home yet because it was half eight in the morning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Ah, no, no. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to stop you there, right? Go on. I'm not having it. I've turned a new corner on the celebrity rumor gossip mill, having been the subject of it relentlessly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
It's not really that kind of place. I have been in, I don't, I'm not bringing up sleep, but I've been in bed by half eight most nights.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
About nine hours. Four, she was my best sleep.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Are you a 1% recovery? That's why I gave up the whoop because I couldn't bear, I was insulted by it. Every time I had two drinks, it was like, 2% recovery.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You can't have one drink. You can't have one drink on a whoop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do you know what I was thinking about my bandeau top today?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
The only thing missing from this bandeau top is built-in boobs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And that it's neon and a matching skirt. Yeah, there you go. All those things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Is that where your mom sleeps when she comes home?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Sorry mum, you can't stay. I've got the Pilates bed in the spare room. Really? Really? Sorry mum, it was a real bed at the Pilates bed. I chose the Pilates bed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Will you not just give it to Kevin Carey to put in storage for you until you move?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Have you been, well, no, I can't jinx my, Joanne and I, we can talk about it though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, we're not really going there. I'm just, I'm just, because I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go back there. So I just think with Barack and Michelle, anybody could have made that up. And I refuse to listen anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Can I just buy this one that I'm in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do you know Spencer said the other day we were having a chat and I was like oh when Joanne used to live with us and he was like what and I was like when Joanne used to live with us and he was like no she didn't and I was like are you insane I was like yes she did and he was like he basically was like I never saw her I was like yeah because she's really good to live with because she just kind of keeps herself to herself and me and other people there were basically like yes she did he he
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
But didn't also we do a news story, sorry, about the same thing where basically someone's boyfriend was living in their attic and he got caught eventually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And he was living there for a month.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Full blown man under the bed. Yeah. Full blown man under the bed. Could have been worse. Could have been a ghost. I'm not as scared now. Oh, yeah. It's just a human man with a machete. Oh, my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
yeah I'm not joking you I wouldn't buy a bed that didn't touch the ground I wouldn't be like I'm looking at the bed that I'm sleeping in at the moment it's gorgeous but I can see under it I wouldn't buy a bed I could see under because anyone could hide under there yeah I mean I'm a 41 year old woman and I still if my legs hanging over the edge of the bed I would bring it back in just in case someone grabs it paranormal activity when they pull their legs out of the bed and they reef them out of the bed like that's what all poltergeists do they go for your limbs yeah but you know I have no belief system so I don't believe in any of that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I've watched the whole thing. What? I love it so. How have we not discussed this? I don't know. I just watched the finale. Yeah, I'm the full way through. Spencer's so obsessed with Walter Goggins that I actually, I can't listen to it anymore. He's like, he just brings him up in conversation all the time. I'm like, oh my God, honestly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do I need to go to Torquay? He's got a great set of teeth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
He would be, wait, I'm going to send you, he put his house up, I obviously follow him, I'm obsessed too, everyone's obsessed with him. On Instagram, he put his house up that he did this thing with Architectural Digest and I swear to God, it's nothing like your apartment now, but it's very you. By the way, your apartment tour now, I know I always veer off, like it's,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
it's so good it's so you your apartment the big giant yellow lamp and stuff I love that yellow lamp so much yeah anyway Walt he has a house and I was like I can imagine I can imagine Joanne and him now he might be I think he's married but anyway in our imaginations I can imagine you and Walton do you know what it's funny that you say that because so can I yeah I think it's gonna I think it's in the stars and I did actually slide into his DMs
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
It's not even, it's everywhere. Relentless press everywhere. Yeah. My favourite story that I read, I have to say, was that we were breaking up because I was fed up of Spencer's running and he was jealous of my deal with Ferry. Non-bio, click clack.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh no. Was it after a couple of drinks?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Will I unfollow him? I don't want him to think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
The only thing I will say that annoyed me about White Lotus was the fact that we had to watch it like real TV.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Also, I saw people, because I saw a lot of people online being like, oh, this is like, that was the worst finale ever. And I'm like, honestly, what? Like, what did you expect from the film? It was so good. Like, I thought the whole thing was just incredible. I loved all the actors. I loved all the characters in it. They were so brilliant. Everyone was so different.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You could see yourself in loads of them. I loved those three girls, the way that they just... Like it was so perfect watching them and how women interact and stuff. And I just, I thought the whole thing was incredibly shot. I loved all the characters. I loved all the actors. I'm so obsessed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I really want, it's so sad that Walton Goggins won't be coming back, but I can't wait to see who they get next because they do get people that you just don't expect.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I mean, I'm sorry. I think that would do really well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I don't know what you mean by that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
teared up which you know isn't easy because I'm heavily medicated but I teared up it's not often I tear up I did like that as well I agree I loved her I loved that character I just loved the whole thing I'm really sad it's over though now but I did hear did I hear that they were doing the next one in Italy or something I heard New York they've already done Italy haven't they did they do Italy imagine they went to Dublin
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh, they did do Italy. They did Sicily. Can you believe Molly Malone is getting her own bouncer? Do you know what? I kind of think the whole thing is completely wild, but it's so funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
They're going to rub them away though. They're going to rub them away. It happens so often.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Tell you what, do you know what? He washes his clothes downstairs with a different fabric softener. Does he indeed? He can't bring himself to use Ferry. He's there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Rub away, my friends. The only thing I will say to you is... This is from, like, I assume the government in Ireland are now paying for this because they're the same people who built a bloody bike shed for themselves for €360,000. Are we surprised that they're now putting a full-time... Like, she's got... Her boobs look great. I mean, is it absolutely ridiculous? Of course it is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
But look what happened with the portal. Remember the portal on O'Connell Street? When everyone was just flashing each other and stuff. That's what's going to happen if you, like, we're humans. Like, we take the piss out of everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
If there's a statue ever made of me, it will be completely flat. And you can just tell people that she used to have tits, but everyone rubbed them out because I kept rubbing her tits.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I had to have something. It had to be arse or tits. I got arse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Of everything you remember, why is it things like this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I was in there with an unusual bunch of people. Probably didn't really, particularly at the time, didn't deserve to be in there, but... Certainly now. It was right after the Fade Street success.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I have one last thing to tell you. You wouldn't believe what happened to me. Oh. I'm on a train and I was like, I'm so sorry to hear that. I had to get public transport. So I was on a train going to Birmingham, right? And you know the way I'm an impatient bitch and I was filming a TV show. So I was like, oh, there's a train 11 minutes earlier. 11 minutes, not a big deal. I thought, you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'll get myself something to eat in the train. I'll get in the earlier train to Birmingham. I think it was like an hour and a half train. And I asked the man at the train station, I was like, are you sure I can get on that train? I was with the TV show, so they'd booked me into first class and I was like thrilled. Are you sure I can get on that one?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
So I got on and I was like, this doesn't look like the usual first class on a train, right? Sitting there, I'd gotten myself, there's no plug sockets, no plug sockets. I was so thirsty. I was hungry. I was going to eat my dinner on the train. Nothing, no food. I had gotten myself on the slow train that took two hours, 45 minutes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm going to try and not go into it too much, but I will say about that one particular story, they were like, do Spencer and Vogue want to comment? And we were like, actually, you know what? Yeah, we will comment on that one. We are really happy. We don't know where all this stuff is coming from. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you think that was in the article? Not at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
to Birmingham I didn't even have my phone because I ran out of battery because there was no plug socket yeah I mean it reminded me of you your head now I can only imagine that's like that's torture just sitting there with your own thoughts Oh no, I had a book. I was fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
God, I would have had to get off at Rugby. There was a place called Rugby. I was like, I'll get off here. Why is it taking so long?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, I did hear that. You know that, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Of who, Emily Blunt or your friend Anne?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh, I loved. I could watch that movie over and over and over again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I mean, I wouldn't have him down for that role.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
The one with the polar bear and they're like scraping barnacle things like off the polar bear. I was like, that's amazing. And then Spenny was like, that's AI. Gets me every, sure I believe the giraffe was climbing on the other giraffe's neck. I'm like, stop publishing shit like that. It's not good for us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I am actually going to get a picture of you beside the Statue of Liberty. I'm going to get that made today.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And I'm going to get a selfie stick in your hand. You're just holding a selfie stick, kind of trying to get you and a picture of that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
there's I'm still getting all those mails I have a Hermes factory in I'm still like why are you are you getting them as well oh and how many sex cam ones are you getting none oh my god not a single one I have this lad fucking sending me the most revolting I haven't blocked them yet because I find them quite entertaining.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'll block if I feel the need, if I feel it's required. I'll block for minimal shit. When I'm having a day of I'm not taking any more shit, then I will block.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Before we let you go, Joanne is going on tour. You are finished now, Joanne. Pinafile is ready to go. You're going on tour like next week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
So yes, I'm doing my book tour 26th of May, Vicar Street and 27th of May in Union Chapel in London. So please come if you're around. I'd love to see you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Berlin and Amsterdam and Oslo and... joannmcnally.com and my book tour and my link for my book is on my Instagram.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You have a head like a sieve. You'd ring the journalist and be like, I did have, I had something for you now. But I'm off to forget.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Welcome to my therapist ghost of me, but me, Vogue Williams and... Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I said something on Annette Mum's podcast and I'd said the same thing on when I did Parenting Hell with Josh and Rob and I'd said they were like who does most of the household chores and I was like me obviously and they were laughing laughing laughing saying our wives would say the same thing obviously that's not as interesting a story but then I said it on Annette Mum's and that got picked up but the only bit it was like Vogue is fed up because she says she does everything
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
but then the rest of the conversation was gone. So they kind of choose what they want to use from a pod and then you just, it sounds shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh God, if it's a boy. Anyway, go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'll take it. I don't like being pregnant. I'll take the boy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
No, you'll be one of those arseholes who's like Earth Mother going out doing her grounding in the grass every morning, enjoying every second of it. I'll just be puking by your feet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Imagine! I'd be, oh, I'd be insufferable. The only thing I'd worry for you is that you'd be so hydrated that it would be like, well, you obviously haven't seen this, but sometimes when people drown in the sea, their bodies get really bloated. So because you're not used to that much water and no alcohol taking the water away, you might just turn into... Are you saying I'd get gout from water?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm coming in from St. Barts. We are finally on the same time. I'm only three hours away from you. Come over. Come for lunch. Is that all it is? Yeah, it's really close.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I think your body would just hold on to it so quickly that it'd be like, don't let it go. This isn't going to happen again for ages.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. That's why you said it so much more eloquently. Well done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Here's the thing as well though, like, and like, I don't want to sound like I'm not feminist, but for most of the stuff I want to do it. Like I, like I, I want to spend like all my free time with the kids. I want to just like, I can't sit. I'm really like, I'm just always up, up, up, up, up. So like, I don't want to sit and just read a book on the beach.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I want to go and like build a sandcastle and do like loads of crap. And just, I was teaching Gigi how to bodyboard yesterday. She's shite, but I'm going to try again today. Yeah. But like, I think that like, and even with the household chores and stuff like that, I don't know if women just have better minds for it or I don't know why we are better at it. But like, I'm not having him do my washing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I could practically get to Hoth from London in that time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You have to make me godmother. There's literally, you cannot not make me godmother.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
That's giving her a lot of time now. 15 minutes in three years, that's plenty of time. She'll be grand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Can someone mute her, please? Tell me about your news story. Your press, your press.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm going to start ringing in for you now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You, like, I remember last summer when you went through that shit time and you were really upset. But like, I guess, yeah, you were dead. I was in LA.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, I know. But I just think that no matter what you do, no matter how good you are to people or everyone saying that they like working with you, all that kind of shit, there is always going to be a group of people that will forever hate you and you can never, ever change that. Like, I just... I kind of just don't care anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And like, honestly, even with the shit that we've had to like kind of put up with over the last few weeks, like if that had happened to me four years ago, I would have been like completely devastated, really mortified. And like, yes, it's a little bit embarrassing because like at the end of the day, like people...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
like that I know would text me and ask and I'm like don't ask me that if you ask me that you don't know me like if you feel the need to ask me that but like I think now I'm so used to just getting like so much shit all the time but it shouldn't be like that you shouldn't just have to get used to taking shit I know
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
That doesn't mean we can't blame him. Totally does not mean we can't blame him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Especially when you know you're not a geebag. It's like, no, but I'm not a geebag.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
We're sorry about what Jo did. And to be honest with you, Joanne, I'm breaking up with everyone these days. So my inbox has been full of males asking me if I'm breaking up with Spencer. And now people are asking me if I'm breaking up with you. So I'm just glad it's moved on to someone else. Really?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I have a bad day. Everyone has a bad day sometimes. That's just the way it is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, it was weird. I don't know what happened. I think there was like one bad interview where she seemed a little bit bitchy and then everyone was like, oh, she's a complete bitch. And it's like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
So tell me little bits and bobs that you've been doing this week. God, that was such a mom turn of phrase. Give us the bits and bobs. Give us the gossip of your week. Go on, what are you doing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You didn't, you wish you used to work in Fitzpatrick, New York. You could have done that on your J1 and you didn't even bother.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Joanne, you're going to be the worst of all of them, by the way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Are you going to even centipede them? No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Joanne, it's actually illegal. Nobody can do that to you. Nobody, but I know what you, I know what you mean. I would.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
No, it's actually 100% illegal. Jo, what are you talking about? No, you cannot leave recording devices in Airbnbs if you're renting it out. You cannot do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Little cameras, no? If you want a human centipede in the living room, you do that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Gawking over you guys for sorting myself out. I'm glad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
It was divorce day. It was the biggest day for divorce is like, what, the 5th of January or something. So everyone's like, it fell on the wrong time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
That is so funny. What else do you do there? So what are you doing every day? Tell us. You're going for nice walks and stuff?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
But you're not getting divorced. You heard it here first, second, third even.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I understand the reasoning for a selfie stick, but could you not just turn it around and do the 0.5 people that all the 20 year olds are doing? I did a 0.5. Did you see it on my Instagram? It looks great. The 0.5 looks deadly. I did that on my own.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Okay, well, why don't you get a hat with an umbrella on it as well then while you're in that shop that sells a selfie stick?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Joanne is going to go walk around. She's going to have a record show. I love South Africa. I love South Africa t-shirts. Keptan!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Yet. To be honest with you, when I saw all those articles in the Daily Mail where they're trying to suggest that like they're bringing up all these things. Oh, Vogue and Spencer are talking about arguing on their podcast like six months ago. It did spark a little idea. I said, should we? Like, should we get a divorce?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
buy yourself a fan to walk around with sorry I'm sorry now Vogue we know that your Prince Andrew illness means you don't sweat at all but I as a normal human woman do sweat and I will not be fan shamed by your dry face do you know what I did today I went outside because I did my bear by Vogue last night and I'm a thirsty bitch okay I admit it freely before anyone sees it the post is going up before this pod comes out and I there's no denying it I'm a thirsty bitch and I'm trying to sell some tan I'm a thirsty bitch
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I went outside in the snow and took a picture in my swimsuit and there was a man walking by with his dog and I've never felt so embarrassed for myself. Where are you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I nearly did a snow angel in the snow, but it was just so embarrassing as a 39-year-old woman. As a 30-year-old woman, I would have jumped right in the snow. Of course. 39-year-old woman, I'm like, I'll just stand here now that he's there. I can't be embarrassing myself that much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
What do you mean? Tell everyone you're wearing Molly Mays tan or something like that if you're all speckled.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Actually, I'm being mean. I'm being mean. Get a selfie stick. You really want one. Why not? I do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
If you get a selfie stick, the only thing that we're going to ask is that you take a picture with the selfie stick so we can see you with the selfie stick. I want to see it in you. So get someone that you're with, a waiter, take the picture.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Five stars, Mr. Fitzpatrick from Fitzpatrick. Now, you don't get that in other hotels. You don't get that service. You don't get that service. Do you think that the Mandarin Oriental is going to be flying back your water bottle? I don't think so. It's going straight in the rubbish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I cannot believe you saw it again. I was shocked. I forgot to ask you about that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Oh, that's not staying around. I doubt it's even in Clapham anymore. There's no way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Living it up in New York. Living it up. I have to tell you a story about Sven because it makes me die of embarrassment when he does it. But he has this thing, it's almost like a twitch when he sees a famous person. He cannot let the famous person go by without... Now, it is a level of famous person. It's being up, you know what I mean? It's being up. And I can see him looking around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Listen, he's getting his ducks in a row. That's what happened. He's getting his ducks in a row. He's getting his ducks in a row.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And it was the most delicious croissant I've ever had, but I would not pay 40 euro for it. Anyway, we're in this place and in walks Gary Neville. And I spotted him first and I was like, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Should I know Gary? Well, he's a footballer and he's done Dragon's Den and everyone kind of really likes him. He's very nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
What's his dad called? Neville Neville. Neville Neville.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
So anyway, I spotted Gary Neville walking into space and I was like, oh, fuck. Spenny's going to be like, and Spenny loves that show that you saw on Dragon's Den. I was like, this is going to be really embarrassing. Straight away, Spenny starts sitting sideways. And I'm like, here we go. Yeah, sitting sideways. I was like, and I literally was like, I was like, can you just not?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Please, can you just not? Just, and he's like, what, what? And I was like, I know what you're doing. I can see you switching around in your seat so that you'll get a glance at him. Then he can say, oh, hi, mate. And now I'm held. Of course, he goes, oh, hi, mate. And I'm just like, every time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And you know what? He's going to contact all the best divorce lawyers in London so that I can't get them then. Because you can contact them all and not use them. And then he'll get them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
just let him fucking have his overpriced coffee in peace Spencer Matthews and then he did this thing and he does it to me when we fight and I know that this was for Gary I know it was all of a sudden Spenny whips out his phone and he has to voice note somebody
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Gary would not know us there's no way that Gary knows us Gary Neville is in his own league of fame he played football with David Beckham they're best friends there's no way he knew who he was these people I mean if he's ever even walked past the Daily Mail I'm sure he's seen something about you and your husband putting on a leggy busty display and showing what your ex is missing come on you're always doing shit like that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Speaking of David Backham... Very nice segue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
She says it herself. That's no shade. Gonna make it really easy. I'm surprised she doesn't make loads of money from that Dane Bowers track. Sick. She probably does. Well, it set her music career.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
She's not even singing. I tried to get myself in a band, but by that stage, they needed people to be able to dance and sing, and I couldn't do either of those things, so I didn't make the cut. But Victoria Beckham, by the way, her makeup is amazing. Have you ever tried her makeup? No, I haven't actually. Very nice makeup.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And I also, I think I have a couple of bits of her clothes, but they're pretty expensive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Did you see my drunken hat purchase that I bought over here?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Oh God. So I bought this hat and I was like, that is a bit of me now, that hat. And obviously I was about four drinks in. And then it came and I tried it on. I brought it away and everything. Cause I was like, that's gorgeous. And then look at the state of me. Can you even see it? Look at that. It's like a poodle. I can't really see it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Someone was like, cut the ends off and it will be less poodly. Oh yeah, that's nice, no? Just describe... Yeah, you're going to have to, they can't... I kind of look like a Russian oligarch, basically.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
There's a lot of that. If you ski over to this place in Courcheval and I skied over there the other day and like there's like Dior and there's Chanel and like all these really expensive shops. And there was a woman standing there and like she had the most perfect hair, the most perfect makeup. I'd say she's never skied a day in her entire life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
She had this floor length fur and it definitely looked like real fur coat with a matching fur headband. Yeah, boo to the fur. You can't have the fur.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I wish people would stop putting stuff up on the internet like that giraffe who's hanging off the other giraffes next. Because obviously I thought that that was real. That's AI when I see these amazing houses. And I'm like, oh my God, how do they build a house there? And Sven's like, that's AI. I have to believe everything or I'll believe nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Don't bring it back to London, though. It's not acceptable here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
no give it excuse me Jo we don't litter on this podcast Jo wears for any litters the pig that's it that's it for this week everyone thank you so much for listening and we will be back with the bonus on Wednesday thanks for listening guys
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Holiday crisps are one of my favourite things in the whole world and I've just been eating them non-stop. I'm 100% crisp at this stage. My mouth is so dry from eating them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And I'm keeping Bertie. I'm keeping Bertie. He's calmed down now. I want Bertie.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
No, you're not having those towels. I love those towels. Dora, do I get the housekeeper? No, what? What do I get here? You can have Spencer's gilets. You can have something, you can have his dressing up box of clothes that are normal clothes that everyone thought were dressing up clothes. You'd probably wear them. Yeah, I'm quite happy with that actually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I need a flamenco neckerchief as ASAP, if you don't mind. You know, you're supposed to start like divvying up all your stuff. Like I was out with my auntie Sharon and she told me she'd left me this, she's left everyone this random stuff in her will. And then she was out and I saw her Chanel handbag and I was like, oh no, I'd love that, Joan.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And she's like, okay, okay, I'll put your name down for that. And I was like, it's that easy. I'm going over to your house with my stickers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Spenny arrived home from the supermarket. He didn't have a bag of salt and vinegar lays. Disappointing, but I didn't go to the supermarket so I couldn't complain. He did come home with a bag of bugles.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I didn't recognize Spencer this morning. I did not recognize him this morning when he came in. Because you're out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Ah, she shouldn't have shot the wife now. That was too far.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I don't know why people would be that mean. I'm not saying that I'm the queen of divorce, but mine was like, it was kept very inexpensive and just not really nasty and just like, listen, we don't like each other.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And what happened to her? Did she go on death row?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Her poor kids, though. Then they have no dad or no mom.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
oh God, she's going to die in prison. But like, you know what I mean? You can't be going around shooting people. It's just not on. Can't be shooting people, Betty.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Joanne and I are both wearing sunglasses because I came on the pod and Joanne said, oh, do you not know that we're recording, suggesting that I look like an ugly pig, which I did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I actually don't know what a bugle is, but I heard bugle was cocaine. Well, I nearly brought the crisp back because I said, excuse me, there's no cocaine in this bag. What have you done?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I wanted to ask you something. Well, I know now because I saw you posted something today. But I'm having a little time online. And you know when there's certain points of the year where people are just a bit mean? I can't get... I don't. I'm getting stuff left, right and centre. And I'm just... Someone said something about my kids yesterday. And I was just like, what the... Like, real bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I'm not repeating it. I didn't even bother blocking them. One of those occasions, nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
But, like, I had a little... It wasn't an argument. It actually wasn't an argument. So I took Otto swimming last week. There's this man who lives in a building beside us. And sometimes when he goes away, we'll go in and check on his apartment and water his plants. That kind of thing. We're quite friendly with him. And his apartment has a gym and a swimming pool. No one's ever in the swimming pool.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And he was like, you can use the swimming pool because as a resident, you can have your guests use the swimming pool. And Theodore's been there for a pool party and stuff like that because one of his friends lives there. Anyway, one day I took Otto because he kept...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Oh my God, my party. Yeah, just knocking over to his mates. Love it. But anyway, I went to the pool with Otto and I posted a little picture of Ossie jumping in and out of the pool. And then some girl mailed me and I don't see all my mails sometimes. And she goes, hey, don't mean to burst your bubble, but he's not allowed in that swimming pool. Oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And I was like, and I saw that, but then I'd seen, she'd mailed me loads of nice things before that I hadn't seen. Cause you know, either way, you just don't see all your mail. And I just wrote back and I was like, um, why do you live there? And she goes, yes, I do live there. And it's a residence only pool. And I was like, do you have a problem with my mail?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
two-year-old swimming in the pool yes i do have a problem because oh we pay for the service charges of that building and you don't pay a penny you just think that you're allowed waltz in uninvited to come and use our swimming pool when you don't pay a penny imagine i walked into your apartment and even used your lift that you're paying for and i just went back and i was like do you think that i just like came in off the street and and and used your swimming pool uninvited like yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
just swooped by the concierge and just said fuck it I'm gonna leg it in and just like use that's like that was and I just wrote back and I was like do you think that I did that and then she unfollowed me and didn't respond because she obviously thought how ridiculous she was and then maybe oh I told the man whose apartment we look after for him sometimes uh-huh Turns out she doesn't live there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Her mother does. So she is not paying the service charge. And I nearly wrote back and then Spencer was like, you're being petty. And I was like, okay, fine. I won't write back, but I will be doing this as a pod topic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
That's the worst analogy I've ever heard. I know, it was just, it was really bizarre, but I just thought it was the funniest that she thought I was just sneaking into other people's buildings to use their facilities uninvited. And also, what got me was, it's like, why do you care? Why do you care? Like, I just wouldn't care.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
There was some big news this week. Big news in our house, as you both know, because it's been news for a while privately. But Spenny has quit the Spencer and Vogue podcast. And now everyone thinks we're getting a divorce.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I think you went to a different continent there for a minute.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Oh, God. Well, I mean, I'd be offended if I was the one up there because you wouldn't be Mrs. Grammar. What a little jerk. Horrible. I just think, I think celebs sometimes say certain things, like George has now brought so much heat on himself because there's no way, like even as your best friend in the whole world, you are definitely going to be having fights. I'm sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
George is not going to win any fights with Amal Clooney. I would, I would date, but like, seriously, come on. I just, some, like, did you see ASAP Rocky this week? He's the guy who's married to Rihanna. Yes. This week he was like, oh, cause I have two kids. She's pregnant with her third kid. And, um, she released that information at the Met Gala, but he was like, oh no, we don't have babysitters.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Like I didn't have kids to just get a babysitter. Like I want to look after my kids. Well, well, well, ASAP Rocky, I saw you and Rihanna at the Met Gala last night and I didn't see any of your children. So who was looking after those children, my friend? I hate that bullshit. Like you definitely, definitely, if you're working like that to the extent that they, just tell us. You have help.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I always say, and I get a bollocking for it sometimes, I do have help because I work. Like I left my house at quarter to seven this morning. I'm not going to be back till later. Like I'm working. Yeah, of course.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Just say babysitters. Yeah, well, babysitters, I suppose. Babysitters would suggest that they're only there for an evening, for a few hours. I know. I've got three full-time live-in babysitters. Babysitting used to be quite lucrative when I was, well, it's quite lucrative now, but when I was younger, I remember we used to get paid like three quid an hour and four quid an hour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Now they're on 20 quid an hour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And we couldn't promise we'd be back either because we were in demand. I was in demand as a babysitter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
my friend Johanna was like oh I can't I usually babysit for this woman up the road I'm not able to do today do you want to do it and I was like yeah thanks Johanna for the great job I really appreciate it until I got there and I swear To this day, I will never forget that night with that child. I will never forget it. She was honestly so bold and just did things that you shouldn't do. Jesus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
What was she doing? She went to the toilet and then tried to rub her hands all over my face and stuff like that. And I was like, this is like, this is so wild for me. And I was like running away from her. I was like, stop doing that. And she was doing it on purpose. I rang Johanna when I left and I was like, you're a fucking bitch. I'm never going back there again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I remember that kid's name. That's how bad it was. It was honestly, I was, I thought that's the only time in my life I thought I'm never having kids. No way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
is now living in Dubai with his life partner it's shocking it's Sven had this lady who looked after him she's so nice Annette like one of the best cooks she's a really nice woman and Annette went up to him she's like hi Sven this is years ago because they're friendly now and she was like do you remember me like she literally looked after him until he was like 11 he was like no
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'm like, Sven, how? How do you not? It's like when he didn't remember you living in the basement. I'm like, you just block out these things. It's so bizarre.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'd be devastated but like I vividly remember all my babysitters I could pick them all out of a line up I'd say the youngest one I remember and I only remember her because I remember it's weird that I have this vivid memory so I was sitting on the toilet I must have been like only three or four like it's probably my earliest memory and I just remember screaming for Phyllis to come and wipe my bum and that's like a three year old memory I remember that yeah and you've been doing it ever since
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Ever since where it all began. Sometimes I get spanned and I'm like Spencer!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's just because it's an unusual environment to see you in. That's all. I have a secret life. Yeah, you do keep that very private. But now what I will say is the reason I think people went so crazy about that is because when I was away with Sven at Easter, I forgot my running runners. I forgot just any runners in general. And I had to...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's Friday. It's Friday. We're excited. Happy Friday. Some might say, Joanne. There you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You will have to remove that Pilates bed because there simply won't be enough room for everyone in the flat. You need to get the floor space back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No, I couldn't. I just couldn't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, well, I'm around. I'm around. I wanted to talk to you about influencers. I love an influencer, a good influencer. But they've been causing a little bit of havoc. Did you read that story about the 30 influencers? And I love this as well because this is a bit of me getting the money's worth. 30 influencers had to be rescued from a sinking $4.5 million yacht. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Do you know why they had to be rescued? Because the yacht was meant for five people. And they whacked 30 of them on it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No, they took it out themselves, right? It was a Lamborghini yacht as well. I didn't even know they did yachts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And it was on Miami Beach. And basically they had to put on all these five life vests trying to wait to be rescued because they just, yeah, they'd all gone off on the boat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I know. If they had, okay, right. If they had actually stuck to the rules and had five people on the boat, people would have been really pissed off because they took 30 people on and sank. People are delighted.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I think that's the whole story, but they're getting, influencers are having like a real moment of getting a load of shit at the moment, like loads of shit. Did you see those ones? Basically scientists are like having to explain to influencers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
as I listen his feet are two sizes bigger than mine before anyone starts saying I have huge feet I'm just a seven I'm a seven a normal size but anyway I had to buy him I had to borrow his shoes and I was like you know what actually Sven do you know what he was like no don't do this and don't do that and I was like you know what Sven I'll fucking run in my feet I don't want your shoes he was so weird about the shoes that I was like I took the shoes off and I was like out of principle they were too big anyway but
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Only the five that got the life jacket survived. No, they all survived. They all survived.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I actually, I have to. No, we have to play that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Some of them stay forever. But anyway, he was on and he was like doing this piece to camera about this guy and he just... I'm just going to play it and then I'll try and explain to you if you don't understand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
don't go too soon I mean it's a natural reaction yeah he says to this day you can't go anywhere by three times a day people shout ten siblings at him yeah I mean I'd absolutely like and there's nothing you can do in his life I was I was on Lorraine this morning and they were they were like okay we're going to do this thing we have to go and frighten Dermot O'Leary and Christine Lampard because they were talking about Dermot O'Leary's show and I was like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
If I go up and like sneak up behind him and scream and they don't like lose their mind, I'll just be left standing there like a dick. They did get a fight, but still. Thank God. Imagine. I said boo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Oh, my God. Speaking of books, by the way, this is like so my book is out in two weeks and I'm kind of having a little bit of a nervous breakdown about it. Go on. Oh, I gave it to my mom because I want people to read it because when when it comes out, like the press sometimes just pick up one line because it's all things that I've never really said before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'm just I'm getting really anxious that like people are just going to take out like certain awful lines from the book and just use them as a headline. And I'm so worried that like people just won't read the book and we'll just all be out of context and it will just seem like a different book than it is. So I'm having, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah. That's exactly what it feels like. And I'm like, because it's stuff that I haven't really said before. I'm like, oh God, it's just...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, I know. I'm just nervous. Two weeks away. It's gone too late. It's coming out and we'll do a perfect corrections corner here. Sounds good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I've pretended it's a memoir, but it's actually about all of your dating history.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Love to hear it. You are going to be so happy when I tell you about this. Remember Peanut?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yes. Peanut the squirrel, right? He was living in the apartment block and we spoke about it on the pod and basically he was told, someone ratted out the person who owned Peanut the squirrel, but Peanut the squirrel had become a pet and he was living in an apartment block. with his owner and he was on Instagram and everyone loved him and he was having a great time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
But out of principle, I was like, you know what? Take your stupid shoes and shove them up your arse and get on the treadmill on my feet. And that's what I did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And then the New York police came and took Peanut and said, you can't do that and have him living with you and then euthanized him, so killed him. And now... Yeah. And now Peanut's owner has a new, he's got a new legislation in New York and it's called Peanut's Law. And it means that you have to wait 72 hours before euthanizing an animal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No, because he might have been able to fight his cause and then he might have been able to get him back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Oh, you thought Peanut had come back to Instagram. Yeah, no, he hadn't just gone off Instagram. He's gone, gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No, it's a nice, happy news story about Peanut the squirrel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And I was like, sorry. I thought she was getting her appendix out or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Are they definitely putting them back in? Are they putting them back in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Well, I'm hardly going to go up to Lorraine and say, hey, are you putting your insides back in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
She always looks very well. She's not back in yet. She's not back in yet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'll bring her a basket just full of stuff like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
There is a shoe called a flyknit. Ultra flies, ultra flies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I do really love like when people like when they post stuff from their hospital bed and they don't say anything and you're just like they're posting like an IV drip or something and it's like they're just not going to tell you and then they actually they are having a wee procedure but they actually just want it to seem like it's a big procedure.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I have, do you know what? I have shocking news. I was shocked to the core when I found this out. I was saying that to Amber about people who do that and Amber said she's done that a few times.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Who, me? Don't look at me, I'm so shy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'd rather not... I don't want the bad attention. I'm finished with that. So this month, be kind, please. Please, God, be kind. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
But the thing about it is, right, I've tried to make it light and funny and entertaining, but it's just stuff that people will not have heard before. And for some reason, like, they just... The clickbait will be very difficult. So I've, I've, um, I don't have, you know, when you have Google alerts, I cut the Google alerts off. I've, I've deleted all newspaper apps.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'm going underground for a while. I think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'll have to hide from you when you see what I said about you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Joanne's just going to screen grab horrible comments and be like, oh, some reviews have come in about your book. Here you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Ah, come on. I'm trying to get down with the kids here. I heard someone say banker and I thought, that's cool. I'll take it. Did you see Blake Lively was, she was, well, somebody was calling her out. God, Blake Lively, she's just getting called out all the time. But anyway, she was called out because she was putting up all the best reviews of her movie.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And it's like, well, do you think she's going to do like a balanced view and put up all the negative reviews? Absolutely. I do have a little thing about as well, a retweet of like a compliment or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, but that's okay too. But you know when some people are like, I used to, because I used to do modelling in Ireland and there was a couple of the models and they used to retweet like people being like, oh my God, you're so sexy and retweet it. And I'm like, who's that for?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, I know. It's just, it's very hard to get it right. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I just, I was actually going to try and change up my running a bit because I am so pathetically slow. But I just, I just, I can't, I cannot justify that price tag for me going around in them. But Spenny has them. So the two of them show up in the same runners and they're like, oh, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Do you know why they're all going into art now? Because you're not like going to alcohol anymore. Alcohol is like seen as the devil. So everyone who had an alcohol brand is now like, do you know what? Let's do art. Really? Yeah. Robbie Williams, have you seen his posts? He's very deep on Instagram now. Have you noticed that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And then of course... And also, once he does one for one person, he'll have to do one for everyone. And like, that's just how it is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I think it's okay to have a bad day, but I did like that post, but then he started going on with a lot of them. There's always the writing posts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Are you going on holidays this year? This summer at all? Well, you're going on tour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I saw this place because Ibiza obviously is really good for, but Ibiza is very expensive to go to now. I saw this hotel, they're offering a free room in their hotel. And the little twist on the free room is it's basically a glass box in the lobby. So if you want to take the free room, you're just there. And it's a gorgeous looking room, but it's just a glass box in the middle of the lobby.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And so that's where you'd have to sleep if you took the free room. That's amazing. Yes. If I was 18, I would definitely do that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Joanne McNally. If I had one message, I had a thousand messages. I know what you're going to say. I know what you're going to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I don't think you can age him for shopping on Timu, can you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Gross, he can't be shopping on Teemu.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He loves the art on Teemu. It's so bad. Two euro he paid for it. Well, he's on to something with the frame and Oxfam in fairness. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Also, there's a hotel in Japan, one dollar and they live stream you sleeping. You know, like those influencers who were live streaming their sleep. What's it called? Stitch or something. Snitch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No. Snuff. Snuff? No. It's like, it's this app and they just basically live stream themselves sleeping and they make like a hundred grand and stuff like that. But this hotel is live streaming guests for a dollar. They only have to pay a dollar for the room.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No, I fucking did not. Oh my God. We can tell. We can tell. I used to watch people sleep on Big Brother though. Do you remember? It was like a 24 hour feed and I'd be like, and I'd be sitting there like having my breakfast or something in the morning and I'd be looking at them and I'm like, why am I watching this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I think I'd actually like to spice up the ending. Joe, would there be an argument here for spicing up the ending?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I think we need a theme tune or something. Like we need something to... We have a theme tune.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I know, but I don't mean that one. I mean one specifically for saying goodbye.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
We can't change the music now. It's too late. We can't change it now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I want to have the money to feed the kids if I start investing in things like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
That's a bit sad. That song, we need something more upbeat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'm loving it. Angels in the sand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Well, they did in my DMs. I was like, oh my God, Joanne, uh-oh, Joanne's in trouble again. Cancelled, cancelled.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
That's why I wouldn't. That's why I just feel like the running community, they're very serious, the running community. And like, if you're pathetic enough like me, I don't even feel like I have the right to post my runs on Strava. I do anyway, but I know that people are probably sneering at me and being like, what the hell? Like, come on. She's done 3K at 615 pace. She's pathetic. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I don't really know. I, listen, remember I got the fitness watch and stuff like that. I was really taking my running seriously when Spenny did his 30 marathons in 30 days. And I was like, I'm going to do my 35 Ks in 30 days, which was
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
a nightmare but I actually really enjoy running and I thought I'd like get on board with the Strava community but I just I think it's for people who are only really good and I'm sorry if I've said that wrong but I just don't think I need to be recording my runs not yet anyway it feels like fierce showboating if you ask me Spenny doesn't Spenny doesn't leave the house without putting Strava on he's like a walk I'm putting it on for a walk I'm like oh my god well he is the king of the showboating so that's very much up his alley
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
This is going to come up. This isn't? It's down to me. Okay. So everyone is just wondering, what's the crack with you wearing those really expensive running runners on a walk? Is that what you were going to say? Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Speaking of sports, by the way, because we're talking about running, right? This is a random one. But we were in Clapham, Joanne, around your area the other day. And we went to a skate park. And my kids were going around on their little scooters, loving the skate park, by the way. But the skating community, oh my God, they are so nice. They're all like, go on. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And everyone like screaming for each other. I've never seen camaraderie like it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I genuinely only watched Beauty and the Beast as a child on repeat, so I've never seen anything else. What? I swear to God, it's all I watched. I had a bit, I had recorded it from TV years ago back in the day and I used to just sit, watch it till the end and then put it back to the start. So I haven't seen any of those things or I haven't seen Mary Poppins. Never saw it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
See I didn't see that till my later life and as well with Beauty and the Beast that's why I ended up marrying a man who owns a castle because I was like that's the only man I can marry. And that explains...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I actually find it fascinating that a man would have the audacity to stand there and actually tell them to go in and change. I would be like, no. Yeah, you go try on a skirt and skirts don't look good. I'm just saying that. There you go. They don't look good. They don't look good. They frighten me because I don't know what you're wearing. What are you wearing? Is it shorts or is it a skirt?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
So Joanne, you were wearing your Nike Ultra Flys meant for running at speed. Yes. And I did think, she's walking very fast today. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Oh God. What's going to happen with that now? I hope that the women are going to be standing up for themselves and just wearing what they want. What's the bloody difference as well? What difference does it make to wear a skort or shorts? Like, cop on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Why don't they put the skorts on the men and see what the men think of the skorts? And if the men like the skorts too, then everyone can wear skorts. But I don't think if the men don't like the skorts and they get to wear the shorts, we should get to wear the shorts too.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's a ridiculous garment. It's kind of like parallels. What are they called? Those trousers. Parallel. No, culottes. The culottes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Squirts need to get in the bin along with the klots.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
We're making a fashion statement.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I know. I'd draw the line there. I'd love a hairless cat. I would. I'd love one. A Sphinx cat. Come on. Have you seen the one? James Kavanagh, this fella that we know from Ireland, has a Sphinx cat. It's called Diana. He puts wigs on it. He puts diamonds on it. I've never wanted a cat more in my entire life. And they're supposed to be really soft because it's just skin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Beauty and the Beast had everything in it I learned some French you'd fancy Lumiere you don't even know who he is I did watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame a couple of times he looks like one of your exes wow wow Do you remember last week we were saying about the crabs, the coconut crabs that you reminded me of? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
One, a girl that follows me on Instagram sent me a mail about this girl who owns a pet crab, right? She's got this crab. Yeah, she's got this crab. He's called Howie the crab. She dresses him up. He wears hats. She's also got a hedgehog pet in front of us as well. I'm going to show you one of his hats. I know this is obviously you won't be able to see it, but look, she's got him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Can I ask you a real question, though? Did you know what they were for or did you buy them because they were neon?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Look, he's wearing a little frog knitted frog hat. She brings this crab everywhere with her. She like, he's eight and a half years old. Look, dressed him up as the Easter bunny for Easter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He's wearing ears. I look, I'm sorry. And this girl was like, look how cute that crab is. Look how demented and evil that crab looks like. And the girl's like, look, he's so cute and just pets his claws and stuff. And I'm like, that's a, like, and I'd say, no offense. I'd say he stinks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, she goes around with this crab. Howie the crab. Now it is quite entertaining to see the images, but like she's like, she has it in the bed with her and stuff. There it is with a crown. Probably one of its, oh God, look at it eating. Look at the way it eats. It just scares the shit out of me. It's like alien.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
She also, which I found quite interesting, was telling everyone a way to kill crabs humanely.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Stabbing them. You stab them in a certain part of their body instead of boiling them alive, which I think is fair enough.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Horrendous. I just like, I can't. I'm like how you're in a restaurant. I'm like, I know I eat lamb. So, but I don't see anything that goes on there. Right. I, when you see a lobster in a restaurant and it just scared, like, I just, I can't, I've seen their face, me and tea.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I was having wings in East, in Houth. Having my wings and tea comes out of the kitchen because I know the guy who owns it and he took him into the kitchen to have a little look around and he came out with a lobster in his hand and started chasing me with a live lobster. I nearly honestly... Sorry, who did your son? Theodore, yeah. He thought it was hilarious. I nearly fell off the chair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I was... I actually was shielding myself with a chair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
What a lifestyle. That was in Hoth. That was in Hoth. He got it off the pier.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I actually had the nicest job in the world last week. I'm working with a brand and they were just so nice. They had all these, I was doing a shoot and they had all these snacks downstairs from what they heard that I liked on the podcast and everything. And it was in one of those, that's when I was texting you, remember?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I was texting Joanne all these pictures of these houses on this road and clap them. I've never, these people's house, we rented out their house. Oh my God. I'm able to clap them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Clapham's bougie it's not yeah no it is there's gorgeous houses there huge big terrace houses and all I know yeah but it's very expensive in Clapham I know but they'd like but you know what it's very expensive everywhere in London but I just think Clapham you've got the park you've got the tube I'm gonna go house hunting in Clapham I haven't sold my house yet but it'll happen yeah well we'll be neighbours then can't bloody wait I'll be on babysitting duty do you want to say what the job was or was it just about the snacks
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It was just about snacks and stuff, just a little bit about my week. But it was one of those jobs where you're like, this is the greatest job of all time. And then I went upstairs and I was like, I went upstairs because they were like, oh, can you come up for a minute? And I was like, oh God, something's gone wrong because this has just been too nice of a day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And I went upstairs and they gave me flowers. Flowers! It was vital proteins, by the way. Protein is huge right now. This is collagen protein.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, you can get protein yogurts and everything now. It's in everything. But this one has collagen in it as well for your skin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
What's my own current body? If you just put that on your head supposedly the red light promotes hair growth. Really? No wonder I've got a beard I've always got that mask on. Well, so that's what she said to me. She said it will help promote the hair growth if you just do that. So I'm going to do it like in front. Apparently having kids thins your hair as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
There's some things that will get you, though, that you don't even realize. Amber was eating yogurts. Every day she was having one of these yogurts. I was like, give us a taste of that yogurt. Because she was obsessed with these yogurts. And I took one bite and I was like, hang on a second. That is way too nice. And it was over 400 calories for a yogurt. I was like, Amber.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Was the tongue a bit sore after all the crisps? Do you ever get that when you eat so many crisps that your tongue actually hurts? Ah, no. The flavour of the crisps. Not at all. I'm not sure. I was on the wine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Anywhere that will pay us, we also love you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
You're selling your first born child for a ticket in the UK.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, worse still, when you're pregnant, your hair is like, you've so much hair and you look amazing. And you're like, where did this full head of hair come? And then the kid comes and then it all starts coming out. So I think that that's what happened to the front of my hair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Stryland, Barron. It's like Lent. Yeah, but your ticket was probably 20 quid. Go to the shop before you get in the train, right? I'd rather that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm sorry. I have to Google this, Joanne, because I think it's against the law. Like, I'm not just saying that. I think that they literally have to offer you refreshments on a certain journey. Jo, check that. I think she's missed the point. I think there's a cafe. There has to be.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I only remember you from skipping around the trains in America. You were so happy. I love trains. With your little charcuterie little box you had.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'll move away from the mic so that I'm not breathing like Darth Vader on everyone as well. There's Vogue. It's disgusting. Anyway. I'm very sorry, Joanne. You were on the wrong train because I'm seeing here it says co-work to Dublin. They have a full trolley service starting on the 15th of May. Dublin to Belfast also have food. I'm not seeing anything about Galway. Seasonal, apparently.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm going to try and find my pregnancy boobs and I'll send them to you because when the milk comes in, they were like these massive, like very painful, hard rocks, but huge.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
if that was if that was anywhere any other country in the world they'd be half cut on miniature Proseccos as is their right I have to say do you know what you should have just gone to Cork and got a taxi to Galway I should have because the Cork train offers a full catering experience I should have and I will in future I can tell you now that is quite shocking now I have to say that's surely against the law
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
What about when they want to get the toasty? They always have to put a toasty on for somebody. They ask the people down the back all the time. They usually just point at the sandwich, in fairness. Yeah, they point at the sandwich. Yeah, they do point at the sandwich.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I actually got... I was on a flight there the other day and I'd forgotten to buy my mini bars of dairy milk because I always buy them before I leave Ireland because it tastes different. It does. It tastes different. It does. And I forgot to... And she was very kind. She sold me six, even though I know they don't have a lot of them on board. So I was thrilled with myself. Oh, that's very sweet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It's up to you. There was a shitload of Kit Kats left, right? If you wanted chocolate, there was still some available. There just wasn't many dairy milks at the top of the plane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Or I actually would recommend maybe popping into the shop just before you hop on the train and grabbing yourself a few refreshments. Because do you want, they have a water filling station on the train for you there, Joanne. You'd love that little water from the train. Go into the toilet and fill your water up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I don't drink on trains, but I would like... My friends should be allowed to drink on trains. That's terrible.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Let's come on. Alcohol's also not permitted on the streets of Ireland. When have you ever adhered to that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Okay, here's your option. They privatise it and you're allowed to have booze and food and everything like that, but you're paying 400 quid a ticket to get to Galway or... They don't privatise it. You're only paying 30 quid to get to Galway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
The trains are privatised in the UK. That's why they cost so much money. The government run the trains in Ireland and that's why there's no booze. Well, I'm sorry now. Sorry, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Forget about the potholes. Get the trolleys back. The potholes are there anyway. The potholes are there anyway. Yeah, so the government don't want to get the trolley in, but they'll spend €336,000 on a bike shelter. And I wouldn't say this lightly. I could definitely build that for four grand. I could personally build that for four grand. Yeah. And you'd have a better ass crack.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
This is... Exactly. This is... It's not even fully sheltered. I'd have mine fully sheltered within the four grand budget.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, we appreciate that and we will hold you to it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
a bit of escapism we don't get serious but I will be politically activated to bring drinking back in the trance I think that's shocking like when people are going to the races and stuff like that what are they supposed to do when people are going up when people are going to Cork for their people are going to Cork for a hen do what are they supposed to do
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
God. It's not on. I'm sorry, but like we're choosing not to drink and drive. You're meant to drive so we can drink. Exactly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Oh my God. We've just spent 35 minutes talking about the trolley. Let's move on. Come on. Other stuff happened in the week. Do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Actually, I'd love to discuss a bit of travel with you now that we're on the travel topic. Did you see? It's my worst. Because you know I don't like dead bodies. I know you two don't mind them. Joanne may be possibly a bit of a fan of one. I don't like them. I discriminate against them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
She never has been. I've tried. I've spent time with some of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
They don't smell fantastic either. I don't. That's folk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
A couple, a couple, I'm basically slagging everyone in the world because we're all going to end up there. Don't start getting scared again. It's like Brian Johnson, apparently. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather be dead than have to live that life. A couple were forced to sit next to a dead body on a plane for four hours after a woman died mid-flight. They were coming from Australia to Qatar.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, all I can say is, thank God it was only four hours because that is not a short flight. They had to sit beside her body for four hours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'll tell you, there's actually, there's things that they do. I looked into it. The overhead is not one of them because let's be honest, the overhead is always full. You're never going to get space in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I enjoy a silver-haired fox. Remember Anthony Bourdain? Oh, what a babe. And that director who passed away recently, gorgeous, with a full head of grey hair. Yeah, I'm really into the grey hair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
So here we go. They say, once someone is confirmed dead, the body's covered with a blanket. Fair enough. Sometimes in full view of the passengers. Well, obviously, like, what are they going to do? And then they're stored in a cramped galley or behind a curtain until the plane lands. In 2024, 20 people died on a plane. Around 20 people. In 2018, a woman... Oh, this was terrible, this story.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
There's just individuals that die mid-air. Well, in 2018, wait till you hear this story. It reminds me of the post office story in Ireland. So a woman attempted to board a plane with her dead father in a wheelchair and she bought a boarding pass for him because she wanted to take him home. to his own nation to claim his life insurance. So she's trying to drag her dead dad onto a plane. Fair play.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
A little bit makes sense. Yeah, of course it does. Get that dollar. It's a bit disrespectful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
If I die and you want to have my pension, I'll tell you what, you can drag my dead body wherever you need to. Okay?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Exactly. She still got that shocked look on her face.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Joanne, I don't know what you're talking about. We've spoken about Botox before, right? I just got my brows done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, well, they could sit her down. She could stand up or sit down, whichever she'd prefer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm so against dead bodies remember I told you that story there was an Apache pizza which is the pizza shop in Ireland and it was beside a funeral home and I was like I cannot have pizza from that place because the dead body fumes will go into the pizza place and onto my pizza probably the same oven probably the same oven laughing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Dead people on a cruise. If you die on a cruise, they have a morgue, but the ship could be out for weeks and they just keep your body in this morgue until they go back to dock.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, I know. Well, you know, 200 to 300 people die on cruises a year. So do you know what? Don't go on cruises. Well, now, when you think about it, a cruise is an older generation that enjoy a cruise. Mm-hmm.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, actually, Ozempic has been proven to, because people are eating so much less when they're on Ozempic, it's causing people's hair to fall out. What? Yes. Not a medical podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, I saw this cruise ship on telly and he was like, can we go? And I was like, yeah, we can go. It had a whole water park on the cruise ship.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, I really want to go on a cruise now. I think that we should go on a cruise. We should start a travel pod.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I saw Josie Gibson. She's on this morning and I saw she has a TV show and it's called My Five Star Travel Experience. I actually turned green when I saw it on telly. She's getting flown around the world. First class and saying in all these like, oh, this villa's 25 grand a night. And she's just staying there on her own for the TV show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'd like to be a runner on Josie's show if possible, if there's any opening. Surely I can pop myself on there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I kind of, I disagree with you. And every, I actually was nearly going to go to the Brits this year and then I didn't. And then again, for like the 10th year in a row, I sat there looking at people being like, I should have gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm jealous. Could we create our own gang where we just go together? But you were invited. Yeah, but I just, I'm also lazy and then I got jealous because I was lazy. Yeah. You're like... It's about, because I can't, I have to get like a really nice outfit. I feel really uncomfortable in those situations. But then I look at it. We'll go to the after party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I don't, listen, it could have been just a stupid, quick kiss. But like, honestly, the stupidity of not just him, of her as well in the middle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
of like the Brits after it's like oh my god like there couldn't be more press around and more people trying to fuck you over I think it's a really I feel I feel so sorry for his wife because I'd say she just I hope she's okay yeah and she's so nice and he was really nice I don't know Maura personally but like I've met him a few times and he's always been really lovely his wife it's just a sad situation silly billies silly billies
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
silly billies silly billies silly billies maybe I do want to maybe I do want to go to the Brits I'll score you at the Brits let's do it get a bit of press great for us maybe you could maybe you could score Joe and then no no okay sorry I want to score you I want to score you you've been trying to do that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Okay, fantastic. We're going there. Oh my God, let's do it, right? We're saying it. What's the date? Oh no, God, will I back out of it? No, I'm going to the Brits. We're going to the Brits.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Fantastic. And I think that you should wear those space boots that you got because they're very Brits. They're very Britsy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Gorgeous. Okay, well, I am going to be in Vicar Street on the 26th of May, and I'm going to be in Union Chapel in London on the 27th of May. And all links are in my bio, and also you can pre-order my book in my bio. And I am, by the way, doing an audiobook. So I'm starting to record that soon, which is very exciting. How are you going to contain your breathing? What are you going to do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm going to sit way back from the mic. LAUGHTER
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Alcohol sales are declining rapidly. Why? I've only been out of London for three days. Well, I'm surprised they haven't held an awards ceremony for you for single-handedly propping them up. I know. Certainly, yeah. That's declining as well, but like... Hold on, because of Ozempic?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, I'm just going to record from home and just use the mic that's in the studio ages away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, perfect. That should work. Thanks, everyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, just like the junk food is declining and then another thing that's bad for you, alcohol declining because people are just wanting to live healthier lifestyles. But a Zembik is bad for your hair because your body's not getting the nutrients it needs because it's basically... I have to say, I know a lot of people on Zempek, a lot, a lot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And what I know of it is that they can eat like a third of their meal and then they're stuffed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I think people are going to, it's like vapes. It's like vapes. There's going to be, there's not enough research really into people because some people are really abusing it though. Like I know people that don't eat sometimes for three days because they literally are not hungry. Like that's not good for your body.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, I'm always careful about what we say about things like that because, like, we're very open in what we, like, put into our own bodies. And, like, I wouldn't say that we are particularly... We're not health gurus, do you know what I mean? Again, I know, but I was watching the Kardashians and they were with your man, Brian Johnson.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And they were sitting down... Yeah, they were sitting down for dinner with him. And he basically... They were like, so do you ever have, like, the odd blowout? And he goes, I never... put a calorie into my body that doesn't do something for my body and I just thought God that's so depressing yeah I would think that I would kind of assume that's a mental illness
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
But I've noticed that I feel like I've got less hair on the side of my head. And then you said it about a part of your head. There's some treatment, right, that you go in and...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, and I think that you're kind of right. It's because it's obsessive. He's obsessive about it. Like, imagine considering, like, oh, I can't have that mushroom because, like, I've already had three Brussels sprouts. Is that what he's like? Every single... When he was on with the Kardashians and they were eating, he was like... And they were like, oh, is the meal going to be nice?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And he was like, no, probably not, because it's just, like, what my body needs at this time of day. And it doesn't have any salt. It doesn't have any this. And I'm like, oh, like, I just...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Joanne McNally I think you've rubbed off on me because I'm not bringing up booze again but I had a few drinks on Saturday and I started catastrophizing on Sunday and I was like folk you could walk out there And be dead in two minutes. You enjoy what you did last night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
They basically like roller your head with the microneedling and then they put stuffed serum in it for your hair and then they put, they roller it again and then they put red light therapy over your head and it really promotes hair growth and I'm going to try it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Theodore said to me the other day, will you leave me your money when you die? And I was like, oh my God, it's a bit early for that six-year-old Theodore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Fair play to him. My brother was really about... Because my parents, they have a... What's that called? An executor of their wills. And we're talking about... Obviously, things are going to have to get split up and everything. But one of my brothers was very into it. I'm like, Frederick, they are not in any way close to death. Please, God. Inheritance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Not yet, touch wood. I will, I will, I will get one. I will, will, will.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Fair enough. I am going to get one. I actually just recently had to say who I would give my pension to because I do, I put money into a pension fund. And then I saw, they were like, oh, just give it, Neil, my stepdad, was like, just give it to Spencer. And I was like, no, no. And I was like, I'll give it to the kids.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
So look, he can make his own money. They get everything. I've said it here on the podcast now, right? They get my house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, he's only 36. He's only 30. He's only 36. A spring chicken.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Who's he raising awareness for now? He's not raising awareness for Vogue at home. Picking up the slack. I saw your new boots.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
You dressed up as an astronaut for Christmas, for Halloween, or for Christmas, whichever you draw there actually. Where are you by the way? What is that place?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
What was that show? Great food. They have great food in the Dean.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I don't think I would have been fuming, but I think it's only because you put that in my head ages ago that an hour is like the perfect show time. And actually, I agree with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
We used to try, we used to try and hit an hour and 15 and ghost it. And remember sometimes it'd be like an hour and 40, it'd be like, oh God, that's not great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, at least he put a break in. He put the break in, but he also did stuff like where he does a lot of audience interaction where we're singing along to theme tunes and stuff like that. Oh, that's fun. And I was a bit pissed, so I didn't really notice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes to Tea with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Before we came on, Joanne and I were talking about hair. And I was just told this very morning about a treatment because I was pulling my hair back and I was like, I don't know if it's when you age or whatever. It doesn't really happen. It's happened for some women.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
But we love you, Galway. Oasis said they're only doing an hour. Did you hear that, Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
is it who kind of does shows as a job I was like no rehearsals yet it's starting in July stop don't make me I had to pay for tickets for my siblings by accident damn it they're not even in rehearsals yet now I guess they know the songs
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
they're just like hiya but it definitely feels to me these lads are banging this out this is a bang out they are gonna make like I'd love to know what they're gonna make off the tour millions they must be making 5 million each or something sounds like they're ringing this one in 100 million shut up they're gonna make 100 million stop
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
and not someone's frantically tapping away there is it Jo it's Jo tap a tap a tap a 50 million each they reckon wow do you ever see though boxers I mean Tyson Fury here's 150 million to go and box I'd let anyone punch the head off me for that ah 100% line me up now yeah What are we doing with ourselves? We're pathetic. This is pathetic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I mean, sorry, I'll be happy. It's only 25. I'd be happy to pay 25 million in tax if I was making 25 million.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and Joanne McNally. Getting my tree today. Oh, also said my first happy Christmas the other day. It felt really good. I have a question for you, Joanne McNally. When you walk into Global, there's photographers there all the time. And Matt the pap said that he saw you sprinting down the road. What was that about?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Until I... Until about seven minutes in to The Wicked, the film, I did not realise Wicked had anything to do with The Wizard of Oz.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
oh yeah it's a prequel now bearing in mind I've been to the musical and I still did not know that it had anything to do with the Wizard of Oz and it was only it started to I was like and Roxanne who I went with she was like yeah it's like the Wicked Witch it's like how she became problematic and I was like I hadn't heard of
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
fucking clue right now that was embarrassing enough anyway Ariana Grande hilarious proper comedy chops yeah Cynthia Erivo was amazing they were both spectacular and it's their dream part so I understand why they're crying and all that stuff I kind of get it now yeah but honestly I was like the end was not sad enough nobody died now I know they can't because it's a prequel
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
They actually wanted to do this other thing where it literally looked like there was pubes on my head and I was like girls I'm sorry but like I don't I already don't have enough sequins and you're not putting pubes on my head for Strictly. I'm not doing it. I'm sorry now what can you describe what that was? Like very very tight curls like someone messaged me and was like. Oh sorry yeah yeah yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Oh, I did leave a little unfulfilled. But you know what the best... But I still shouldn't leave it like that. I'm sorry, there's been such a build-up to this. I want to be in, like... I went in wearing a waterproof outfit. I was like, I'm going to leave. I'm going to swim out of this place. The release, the crying, it's going to be next level.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
didn't cry once do you know what was really fun actually because the cinema my local cinema was like a little indie cinema and it was absolutely rammed I don't think the cinema has been this full since Titanic or Barbie maybe which is great people go to cinema but you know what the best thing about the whole thing was you'll love this it was an air in 15 minutes
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
oh that's brilliant there wasn't an endurance test I didn't have to take breaks and do laps at the lobby I didn't have to get deep vein thrombosis you were in you were out that's perfect sometimes I think going on like 2-3 hours for a movie is too much hold on Jo's saying something it was 2 hours 40 we did have drinks
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I would just like to say on this podcast, we are very unsure of what Joanna's, if she's telling the truth or not, throughout the entire... I didn't go to it because I just made it up. Of course I went to it. Tell you what, folks, this is for you, folks. Right up your street, I've got a treat for you. You just missed an hour and 20 minutes. Imagine I was trolling you and I was like, you should go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
It's real. Two hours 40. I'd be sitting there with the kids. I'd be like, well, we'll take them to the six o'clock show. It's only an hour. I did leave. I did take a call in the middle. I didn't think it went on that long, though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
That sounds more like it, Joe. What happens in Moana? It's a cartoon. I think you might know. Oh, is that Paddington? You didn't take yourself to Paddington. No, I didn't. I'm joking. I was out wicked. Do you know what? If it is 2 hours 41 minutes, Jo, that's true. It flew by. It flew by and fair play to them. It was wildly entertained. It really just popped along really nicely.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I don't know how you got that stuff that's amazing you fell asleep or something have you been tracking your sleep and stuff on that watch well I have go on so I got a garm and I said I'd treat myself treat yourself again she hadn't treated herself in a couple of days it'll be a couple of hours since I treated myself so we won't have to treat myself again
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
and I got a Garmin watch and because my trainer Olivia who went away went away for the weekend and I put on half a stone but I mean that's another story she was like get a Garmin they're the best ones one time get a Garmin it's so complicated it's got a life of its own it's basically just telling me I'm a lazy bitch so the sleep woke up one morning and I was like couldn't wait to get stuck into the sleep vote because you've ruined me yeah I can't wait it's the worst influence of all the influencing you've done on me what's happening 10 hours 25
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
you look like you're going to your communion followed by your fesh the Irish dance festival fesh fair I think it really suits you you filmed your finale I filmed the Strictly Christmas special yesterday so we were there all day I mean
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
You just, that's, sorry? You slept for 10 hours, 25? 10 hours. Unless it was half 10 when I woke up. I can't, I don't know. It's hard to read the watch. Either I woke up at 25 past 10 or I slept for 10 hours. No, I, no, I do, I do think she sleeps for that long every day. I do. It was 10 hours, 25, right? That's why she's never going to die. That's why, that's why you're so healthy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
That's why your HRV and everything is the way it is because you sleep so much. Yeah. That's so true.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
you're so talented I'm so talented at sleeping that's do you know how unbelievable that is but I'd have to take honestly I'd have to take two sleeping tablets to get that well in the interest of full transparency I did take half a melatonin and I had a red for the bed a melatonin that's nothing and a red for the bed I'd have half a melatonin and a red for the bed but I slept 10 hours 25 but that's not medical advice
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I think that's great that's actually good advice if you're struggling yeah but it is when you're a woman in your 40s Jo okay yeah if you're struggling with sleep don't mansplain to me how to sleep so anyway but then it was like you slept for 10 hours 25 fair play but the sleep was bad yeah it's too much you don't need that much sleep I'm getting sleep shamed by this watch any more sleep data for us I don't know how to access it that is unbelievable I was getting the lad on the date last night to show me how to work the garments
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Again, I'm just not completely sure of the truth of this. But it's there. I do have to watch. That's unbelievable. But 10 hours 25, I swear to God, I couldn't believe it either. I was like, what? How do you not know your timings? I don't understand. Because I don't take note of when I'm going to... I don't care. I just fall down and sleep and then get back up and get on with my day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I don't look at... Like, I'm not like going, oh my God, it's 8.06. That is fantastic. Do you look at the time when you go to bed? This is exactly the kind of shit I wanted to watch with her. Do you check? Do you go, oh, it's 10 o'clock, I have to go to bed?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I would be like oh shit it's 9.20 I need to turn off my goddamn lights I would be very aware of the time no this morning I was like shit it's 20 past 2 in the morning I need to go to bed because I have to be up in the morning 20 past 2 in the morning yeah I don't know where the night went I would be like halfway through my sleep cycle then that would be it I'd be halfway through don't forget I'm getting up just crazy early I don't like being up late you like being up late I do I like pottering around music
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
when I say I'm tired I hate being one of those people but I am so tired from doing all that because it's very full on yeah had a lot of fun I had a lot of fun oh my god something happened last night so there's a bar right at Strictly which I found confusing because it is the BBC but there's a bar at Strictly and the people that are sitting in the audience they go into that bar and I didn't know that they have to pay I thought that they all just got a little glass of wine and stuff like that but they have to pay for drinks but I didn't know that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
on Strictly yesterday because we were filming the Christmas special everyone kept saying happy Christmas for ages it didn't click because it was Christmas dinner and I was like what are they doing and then I was like oh it's the Christmas special I had a really embarrassing moment last week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I actually haven't done anything about it because I was like, if I do anything about it, it will make it worse. But like, Alison Hammond, I love The Great British Break Off and I loved watching it. And whenever she's on it, she's like, bike! That's her bit. And then I saw her sitting in Global and like, because I watch her so much, I just was like, I know her, but I don't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
So I literally just screamed at her. I waved at her and I said, bike! And she was like, what? And I was like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
bye you're like oh god I'm doubling down I'm doubling down and then I was like oh my god sorry I've been watching you on Bake Off and then I was like well I mail her about it and I was like if I mail her about it it'll make it worse because like then I'm bringing it up again it's so embarrassing I don't know her I've never met her did she recognise you though I hope so yeah you'd hope that she would I couldn't be 100% sure
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
You'd hope she would. Bike. Shut up. But surely she's well used to that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Yeah, I did the accent twice. Is that a brummy accent? Bike. Yeah, because it's bake. No, I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
oh now I understand I know but I'm still so embarrassed about it when I think of it I'm like oh god because I actually don't yeah I don't think I've met her and it happened before that thing doesn't happen very often but it's the problem is when you instastalk people yeah and it happened with Peter Andre's wife who I don't know at all and she she was in Zara and I just started waving at her and I was like oh my god I've just been watching the reality show and I don't know her yeah you don't know her
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
that's happened to me before in Dublin I remember trying to talk to someone and it turned out she was an actress in Fair City oh god yeah are you watching Fair City I was back in the day my mum loves Fair City we need to call out awkward celebrity encounters oh yeah that's a good idea Jo look at your fucking you finally do a bit of work at the end of the year we're finished Jo second last F and he's decided to chip in thanks for that intense brainstorming session we could have done that we could have done with that in January that's a really good shout we should ask the listeners Jo you ask because it was your idea
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
send in your awkward celebrity encounters hello at mtgmpod.com oh god I'd love to hear them they'll make me feel better as well should I mail her or not mail her leave it I'd leave it oh god she's a personal private friend of mine so when I speak to her I'll tell her oh they're all private friends of hers so I have some news oh hit us I am, well, I have written a book. You have?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
She's written a book. She's written a book. The book is done. Yeah, done, dusted. Yeah, I started writing a book in September and it is almost ready to go, not ready to go. It's not going to be released till May. Yeah. It's called Big Mouth. Yeah. Good name. Really good name. Good name. Yeah, yeah. Because you do have a huge mouth and it's kind of, it's a multiple entendre. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
And there's lots of like, there's lots of life stories. There's lots of opinions on different things. It's really fun. It's really, I just had a lot of fun writing it. I loved it. I think it's going to be, I think it's going to be nice to read. Isn't it? It's the most tepid plugging I've ever seen. I just don't know what to say about my own stuff. I wrote a book. It's exceptional. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Do you know, I've really enjoyed writing it. I've been laughing along while I'm writing it. I'm going in deep on some of the stuff. It's nice to get loads of stuff down on paper, but it's just been really fun and I'm really glad that it's going to be coming out in May. It's a big achievement. Congratulations. It's like a memoir. It's kind of, it's not, I wouldn't call it a memoir.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
It's not an autobiography. It's kind of like, you know the way Nick Grimshaw wrote his book and stuff like that. It's like, it's a collection of stories. Yes. It's not like, hello, I was born and like all the boring shit's gone. I didn't want to put the boring shit in. Do you know what I mean? No one cares where you were born. No one, no, no one will. Ah, listen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I've written about Hoth, obviously. Yeah, well, I mean, that's different. A few bits about Hoth. But it's more about mad, funny stories. I didn't want to put... And there's nothing boring in there. Right. If there is, you can sue me. Well, I look forward to reading it. And me and Jo are happy to give you quotes if you require.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I look forward to being in the back page of the book like I was with the children's book. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to ask for a quote. Your quote says in her children's book, shit, she wants to murder people. I didn't say it was shit. I said it was exciting when she murdered people. That was what I said.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I said I love the murder at the end and your editor said we're not putting that on I did shoot the cover and everything like that so it's actually finally ready to go this is very exciting I know but for me to actually not have told anyone is like amazing I've been putting up little snippets on Instagram but no one asked because I write a column as well so it could have been to do with that but it's all to do with the book congratulations Vogue we look forward to reading it I'm so excited and you get to do the audible
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
So myself and Tamsin, who was one of the dancers, she's an actress. And we were like, so, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were so excited after our dance. And we're like, let's go. Let's go get ourselves a drink. So we went, we got a drink. And this man came over and he's like, excuse me, what are you doing? And we're like, oh, we're just getting a quick drink, like a tiny vodka.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I do get to do an Audible, yeah. Actually, I think it's on pre-sale. It is on pre-sale. Is it? It's on pre-sale now. Oh my God, amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was going to say. Sorry. I mean, I assume. I've done a terrible, I've done a Joanne, I've done a Joanne style sell on my book. My book is out. It's coming soon and there's a pre-sale. I'm going to put the link up on my Instagram.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
We've shot the cover. I've written 99% of it. It's coming very, very soon. It's meant to be fun, uplifting, light. And then you get to do nice book tours and you'll be at literary festivals and all that jazz. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's what happens. You're an author now. You're an author now. I'm an author. Like, that's what I said for the quote for the book.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
They were like, what do you want the quote to be? And I was like, well, people always ask me what I do. Now I'm going to say I'm an author. Yeah, great. Yeah. You can finally be like, look, I have a job. I've got a job. I'm actually really proud of it, though. I have to say I am because it's, as you know, time consuming to do that kind of stuff. I couldn't believe how quick you fucking got it down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I just love sitting there writing and being left in peace. I finally found something to calm me down. It's just writing. Sitting down and writing calms me down and I'm thrilled. So that's it. Well, I'm not obviously paying for it, so... I don't know why. You don't need to send a pre-sale link or anything. I'll just wait until it arrives. I'll send you the link. I'll send you the link. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Little bit of 2026. And all the tickets are available at JoanneMcNaughty.com or Ticketmaster. That's it. I'm not paying for that either then. No. Fine. And I want plus three. You're not having that. I am having plus three. You can have half. No, and I'm going twice. I want to go to London and I want to go in Dublin. Yeah, you can come to Dublin. I'm not paying a single cent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And I'm not paying for drinks either. And I'll come back and give you notes. Sit in a royal box. Yeah, come back and give me notes. Just to make sure it really worked. Taxis as well. Get taxis. She wants taxis, yeah. Yeah. You want cars in an age.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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no it's fine it's fine I'll drive but I want to know where to park now just this time because I know you like to leave a little bit early excuse me I went twice yeah and left halfway through so I had a great joke about Vogue at the end and he never saw it Vogue okay there better be a joke about me in this one and I was and I went I'll have to put it up the top before she leaves and I
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Just before she goes, guys. Sorry, I know you haven't finished clapping. I've just walked out. I went three times. She's a three minute gal. So, folk. Oh, she's already gone. Sorry, she's gone. There she is. I went three times. I was very supportive. Yeah, you were. Did I go three times? I did go three times. Probably because it was like when I had that Nando's card.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And he goes, like, I'm a small business owner and you're just here taking drinks. And I was like, sorry. Oh, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Everyone wanted to go to Nando's. And then when you went on tour, everyone wants to go to your tour and everyone's just asking me. So I had to go all the time. You came loads of times, yeah. You were there more than I was. I know. I was like, How can you listen to this shit again? I got sick of Nando's and I got sick of Joanne. I heard that Nando's have this... Is this true, Vogue?
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I feel like you're more in this scene than I am. They have a black card, which is... I just told you. That's the one. That's when I'm comparing your show to a black card. You had a Nando's black card. I had a... See, this is the problem. I thought you just meant like a member, like a kind of a collab card. No, this is the problem. Look how excited she got.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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there was somebody who abused the system someone abused the system someone abused the system and they took their whole family like every single day and they ruined it for everyone else ruined it that's probably why my card's gone because I said she's had another kid take the card back quick it was like the person who fell down the stairs after they had their blood taken and they stopped giving the pint of Guinness after they ruined it for everyone back in the day when you gave blood they used to give you a pint of Guinness rebuild your iron so you got a free pint of Guinness and then some idiot
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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oh my god we were like we didn't know oh come on usually in those situations there's a little free bar backstage he flung the small business owner straight at me and I was like oh my I was like can I pay and he goes what I don't have a card machine and I was like well I don't understand how your small business works How are you supposed to pay for it then? I don't know. I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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fell down the stairs and everyone was like, oh God, we can't give them Guinness now and ruined it for everyone. So it's the same with the non-dose card. Well, to be fair, that man did not ruin it for me because now they give you sweets and I prefer the sweets and a fizzy drink. Do you know, I've never given blood. Isn't that terrible? We should do it. We should do it, Jo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I feel like I've just shown off there, but like I've only given it once. Yeah, but that's once more than me or Joe. I know, but it's desperate. What if you're going around looking for some blood? I know. It's on that kind of weird long spiritual to-do list. Now, in fairness, I don't have an organ donor card, but like if you don't have one, they just take it. They take it all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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You're just giving everything. Yeah, so... And I've even decided that they can have the eyes. They can have the eyes. And imagine how many people will get them out. They could share that around. Six or seven people. Yeah. Bit of Vogue's mouth for a fully formed child's mouth. Twelve children now have mouths because of Vogue Williams. I've decided I'm finally getting my tramp stamp back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Where are you going? You know me and Spencer are going to get matching tats. I know. You're going to go together. You'll go together. Like when we stand together, our dolphins turn into a heart. I was just vomiting out her huge mouth. It'll be quite the day. What are you going to get? I just can't stop thinking about it. Please don't get a Chinese symbol, please. No, God no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm going to get a big smiley face and acid house thing. Oh, that'd be quite cool. Yeah, and I'm going to get like a... An anchor? No. I'm not going to go trad. I'd kind of like an anchor on my finger. I'd love a snake on my finger. Oh, please no. I don't know. I don't know. I just love tattoos. I love tattoos on lads. I love them on someone else. I just don't think that they'd look good on me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I love a tattoo on a lad. If he's a 6 out of 10, he's now a 12. No, I don't love them as much as you. I won't let Spenny get one. I'd rather he didn't get one. He's too late. He's too late to the party. Vogue, I have news. You're not going to like it. What? Who? Who? Who? I've bought you another Christmas present and I have two Christmas presents for you. And do you know why I'm doing it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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It's passive-aggressive purchasing. To show off. Yeah. We're now in a present war. Well, I let you my decorations so that's part of a present. No, it's not a present. That's a lend of a decoration. Yeah, I pledge. Okay, don't lend them. And the presents are so nice and they're really thoughtful. Sorry. Oh, shit. Soz. You're going to have to add me to that list. Sorry. When am I going to get her?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Two presents. Both really nice. Jo, you've nothing. What are they? Give me the level. Give me the level. They're really nice. No, how nice? Look, you're just getting really annoyed. How nice? They're really special. Oh, really? Are they? Yeah. Is one of them a fucking metallic bag? No, actually no. So now I've got three presents for you. What are they?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm not telling you because I'm going to wrap them and everything. But you've seen one of them is the really nice kind of cartoon painting. Okay, now I have to try and find something for you. I think I know what I want to get you. I'll send you a list. I'll register somewhere. No, I know what I'm going to get you. I just think they're always sold out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I honestly was so confused by it. I just took the vodka and left. He said, just take it. Just take it. I was like, God damn it. I feel so bad. This is going to be the next story now. Yeah. Vogue is stealing off small business. Yeah. Sorry. Small business owner. But anyway, we had a lovely time. I had one drink, obviously, because I couldn't have any more. But we're at Strictly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm going to get myself a couple too because I wouldn't like to see you just have them and not me. Oh, yeah. One of the presents I got for you I also got for myself. Yeah, I think, yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I know what I'm getting you. Oh, damn it. That's a lot of pressure now. God. Well, actually, no, because you didn't get me a birthday present and I got you one. What did you get me?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I can't remember now, but I'm... No, you didn't. You said you were going to take me out for dinner in New York and you didn't. Did he open you for dinner in New York in the end? No, he didn't. Did he make a prayer for you on birthday dinner? Bury me. Bury me. Bury me. I was like, oh, it's happy hour as well and she's still not offering a prayer. Rev, talk to me about it, yeah? It's $100.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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you remember last week you were talking about Dawn French and she and she missed out on Ab Fab yeah and she was really upset about it someone mailed me and she said that her boyfriend back in the day he was asked to give a thousand pounds to invest in a sandwich shop that was his friend's sandwich shop it was Pret-a-Manger and he didn't do it he didn't do it no I'd have to throw up everywhere yep I'd be sick
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Now, in fairness, we actually don't know what those company accounts are like. Maybe they're not great, but I doubt that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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It's literally more... I mean, they've expanded quite quickly. ...than human beings. Speaking of sandwiches, Butler has got in touch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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butlers as a little refresh i was giving out saying i got into the airports and weighed the sandwiches because that's how boring and piggish i am and butlers got in touch and they were very nice and they were like i'd actually kind of forgotten i'd fucking given out about this and they're like joanne just you know we haven't changed the recipe but they're made on site and it might have just been that day that there was a little less ingredient in the sandwich so i i
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I apologise correction coroner I stand corrected butlers have not done the shrinkability thing that Jo was talking about oh my god I'm absolutely mortified that you've done that to us I apologise butlers I love butlers and then I just get dragged under with her I know awful oh and they said to tell Vogue to go fuck herself
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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oh did they yeah you know anyway other people that missed out and stuff John Travolta was meant to do Forrest Gump turned it down no yeah what an idiot yeah he said it was lame that's why he turned it down we used to watch Forrest Gump in religion class that's how un-lame it was oh Forrest Gump it's so good Gwyneth Paltrow was meant to be Rose in Titanic I don't believe that. Yeah. Oh, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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No, I was thinking of Cameron Diaz. Gwyneth, I can believe. Yeah. I was thinking Cameron's a weird selection. Yeah. Gwyneth, yes. She turned it in. I don't think that would have been very Gwyneth. Kate Winslet is... She's doing a lot of press at the moment. I think she was in that film, Lee. I think she actually produced that film, Lee. She's amazing. She's amazing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
But she was talking about the kind of abuse and the trauma that she went through when...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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went earlier on in her career about her weight and her body and being fat shamed and all that stuff and she said and she was actually I saw some clip of her and she was actually getting kind of emotional in it and she was talking about the impact it had but when she met those journalists they were like did you ever say anything and she goes yeah I really went for them when I met them I told them how badly what they'd written had affected me and stuff and I was like fair play to you guys
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And I met Claudia Winkerman. the fringe I have never seen such shiny hair in my life her hair is like it's glittering it was so clean and just sparkling shine I hate to dampen your what's the saying squib I thought it was rain on your parade that's it sorry we're going with dampen your squib I hate to dampen your squib Have you guys already been drinking or something? What's happening?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I think, yeah, but people just don't realise when they say awful things about people that it just can really upset people. Well, that kind of pile on from people. And at that early stage in her career, she was so young. Like, not that there's any correct time to be, have strangers call you fat in a very derogatory way. But yeah, she was, we love Kate.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
She seems just like kind of very down to earth, I would say. Earthy. Yeah, I really like her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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but you know what I actually I love the idea of Reese Witherspoon and Spenny said that I just think that she seems really nice as well like I'd like to hang out with Kate Winslet I'd actually like to hang out with Gwyneth Paltrow and the same goes for Reese Witherspoon and then Spen said one of the rudest celebs he met was her she was a bit mean to him who was Reese Witherspoon
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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what yeah she was quite rude to him like kind of like uh i uh like just just putting him down a little bit and he was just like when did he meet her and when he was doing his old pod and they were having a chat with her about her movie and she was just a bit snidey and he was like and he was really excited to meet her as well and she wasn't that nice let's just look no one's perfect all the time no well he should kind of be nicer when you're doing your press tour
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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If there's any time to be nice, it's kind of that time. They're all having to apologise now. Anne Hathaway had to apologise. But I thought that that was nicer for her to apologise. But that was mean. She was rude to that girl. She was. Yeah, it was actually, it was kind of uncomfortable to watch. It was, yeah. She was like, oh my God, don't be so mean. Anne, what are you doing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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She's just trying to do her job. It's like sometimes when I do those red carpets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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and like like celebs are there you're there because you're you're promoting something and you're doing the red carpet and they just kind of like ignore you and run by and it's like just like you're doing a fucking lawyer to do a job this is the problem if you blow enough smoke up someone's hell they will turn into a balloon yeah oh well that's a nice thing way of putting it yeah did you want to hear my new analogy don't dampen my squib that's my other one
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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That's a great one. Well done for both of you for coming up with that. Do you want to see songs rejected by artists? TLC got offered Baby One More Time. Turn it down. Also, I don't think that would have worked for them. As a music producer. So poppy. As a musician. Yeah. As an ex. Yeah. Well, folk has had a number one thing. As a pop star and dancer. Yeah. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Britney Spears turned down Umbrella. Ouch. She could have done that. Easily. Yeah. No offense, Rihanna. Sorry. Yeah. And Rihanna keeps rejecting Ed Sheeran's songs. Shape of You and Love Yourself, but she turned them down. Yeah, because Rihanna's sitting on all that Fenty cash. Yeah. She's so rich, she's like, couldn't be arsed. Couldn't be arsed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And did you see Talisa came out and mentioned her fight with Will.i.am? Yeah, I saw she did Fern Cotton's podcast. Yeah. And she was talking about, she was saying Will.i.am basically was like, I'm giving it to Britney. But she said now, she sued him, but she says now it's really worked out because she's sitting on all that sweet royalty cash.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yeah, she just makes those, but she said to herself that maybe back in the day she was just being really funny about it and she probably should have just given it to Britney. But he basically just took it and gave it to her when it wasn't his position.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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to do it yeah so she's making loads of money I like Talisa so do I I'm a huge fan and she seems to be she's kind of back yeah she did now come here but she's come out of the jungle and she's deleted all the photos that she all her jungle insta photos she's taken them all down Yeah, what is it? Tell us. Hang on. Did not appear on the spin-off I'm a Celebrity Unpacked for personal reasons.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And was also noticeably absent when the Evicted stars gathered to meet Melvin on his exit. I'm just doing a little video to clear up a couple of things. Just so you know, when I came out of the jungle, I felt fine, first of all. And then that evening, my friends went to bed. I was on Instagram trying to have a nice little scroll of some funny stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I was getting a lot of attention, a lot of bombarding in the most positive way. But because it's been a while for me, I can get overwhelmed quite easily.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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fair enough and I just started to feel overwhelmed I thought you know what I just really need to take time out for me and just chill it's feeling a bit much I'm just going to archive all my stuff to do with the jungle teen Talisa look after you archive that shit gal whatever you need to do That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Like and subscribe. Thanks, everyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And we'll see you for the bonus on Wednesday. Yeah. Make sure and pre-order Vogue's book, Big Mate. And don't forget, Penophile is now on sale, so get your tickets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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You know I have Mac Claudia. She is a personal private friend. Oh sure. When? Well she didn't mention you not once. Did she not? That's because we're a personal private friend. We don't shout about it. Like Gary Barlow yeah? Well Gary Barlow did send me his wines. Yes. Gary Barlow sent me his wines and then I tagged him in his wines and it was like Gary will not accept this request.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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He doesn't accept requests from people who don't follow him. No, I don't follow him either. But I did Claudia's radio show. I've seen it up close. That's so funny. Actually, I always imagined Gary Bardo sitting there packaging up his own wine to send it to people. Yeah, crushing the grapes with his little feet and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he really knows me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I said, it's not Christmas until me and Gary swap presents. What did you send Gaza? Zara voucher. Oh, that's really kind. All the men in my life get a Zara voucher. Joe, yours is on the way. I thought you sent him some heels. I sent Gary an anxious crocodile bag. That's what I did. All my jewels arrived today. I've got my jewellery collection. I'm just gifting it to everyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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But I'm actually paying for it, I would like to point out. Okay, yeah. No, I'm not paying for the bags. I'm not going to dress up. No, see, that would be included because my family know that I get tanned stuff so they know what's free stuff. This is what I was saying. Folks sent me when I was... It was actually in the gym. Making... Okay, there's a guy in the gym.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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We're making some intense eye contact. Anyway, back to... We'll get to him in a second. One second. Why is it so cold in here? I feel like I'm in Iceland.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm actually very warm and I would also like to let our listeners know I'm not wearing a bra today and the reason I'm not wearing a bra is because it's our Christmas party today. So I have to come in on the tube at the crack of dawn in a chain mail gold top with my tits hanging out. And I don't regret anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Joanne let us know right when we were all about to leave the haze that we all had to get dressed up and informed us she wasn't wearing a bra. I told everyone I'm not wearing a bra. I took my bra off. That's how I got dressed up. I took my bra off so now I look like I'm going inwards. That's why you're so cold. You've lost any padding you had. My bra. My Victoria's.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I nearly wore the Victoria's Secret bra but then I thought you'd start telling me I was pregnant. Why? Because it'd make your tits so big. So big. Like I had to take it off for TV once because I was like that's too much for TV. I actually went, I went on a date last night, which we'll also get to. And like that, I had a Victoria's Secret bra on and like a body top.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And I was like, this is actually too much. So I took it off and I didn't wear a bra to the date either. I'm telling you, it's Christmas. It's the festive season. Christmas for him or what? Tits out for the lads. I don't think he even noticed, to be honest. So I was going, he's a really nice guy, but he suggested we go ice skating. We went down to Battersea Power Station. He took you ice skating?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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well he didn't obviously because I was like come here I said like there's no way why doesn't he take you to play tennis you're so good at tennis I love tennis some Christmas tennis the last time I went ice skating I said to him I had to use one of those penguins to push myself around and I said what is the opposite of an aphrodisiac it's a middle aged woman pushing a penguin around a fucking ice rink listen no one looks good he must have been like trained as an ice skater or something to want to take you there
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Today or the other day? Today. He was like, I just saw your friend sprinting down here. Was I sprinting? God, I'm just so fit these days. I don't even know what I'm doing. I was like, what? Was I just sprinting? Sprinting. I was doing an Ironman on Leicester Square. Me and Matt have a lovely relationship. Where he leaves you alone. He leaves me alone, yeah. I mean, who would he say that to?
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So this is what I was saying. So we go down to the ice rink and we just pass it. Thank God on the way to the bar. I was like, thank you. That's how I date. I don't do activities. That's a bit much. What date was that? You can't be taking someone ice skating. I've got no bra on. Really? You want to ice skate? No. You should be trying to feel me up in sushi and sticks or whatever it's called.
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Anyway. Sticks and sushi. Is that where you went for your date? That's random. Yeah. We're going for sushi today. Why did you double sushi? It's not like you turn into a fish. You're allowed as much sushi as you want. You're going to die. She's got a gill. So we walk past the ice rink and I look up and there are hordes of people, not a single penguin in sight. They're all functionally ice skating.
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And I was like, how the fuck does everyone know how to ice skate? Is there some sort of underground Illuminati thing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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ice rinking competition training program going on all summer and then they all graduate and they all hit the ice rink and batters the power station how am I the only person who needs to push a penguin around for support a penguin I'd rather a Zimmer frame be less embarrassing I'm not showing off go on I can ice skate of course you can But you're an activities person.
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Is everyone an activities person? Where did you learn to ice skate? Where? France? St. Barts? Paris? The Olympics? France? Where? Because I can rollerblade. So if you can rollerblade, you can ice skate. You probably did a collab with the Alps or something, did you?
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I did a collab at Somerset House that's what I was wondering I was like I was saying to my gentleman friend I was like are they I said I was like how the fuck do they want to ice skate and he's like I said no no no these people they are all ages all demographics and they're all doing fucking half axle pirouettes on the ice oh I can't do that I can't do that maybe it was the professionals time well okay they weren't doing that but they were just kind of standing up which I find they might as well be Torval and Dean as far as I'm concerned it's like
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you told me you could roller skate well I could as a child but then I tried again as an adult and apparently I'd lost the skill set completely couldn't even get across the patio couldn't even get across the grass which is naturally gripped Joanne it's the same as cycling you just pick it back up I think no I think that you've seen other people do it as children and I think that you think that you did it but I don't know if you did do it you're right I might have collected a memory but my memory is that I was firing around the town on a pair of roller skates up and down hills I just don't see that for you I don't I think that you were more of a like
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hang around walls kind of girl do you know what I mean I do and you're not completely wrong I had my brothers hand me down BMX and he used to play petrol stations that was my favourite game where I'd cycle around to all the bushes and stick leaves in the spokes and pull a petrol and then cycle on it was a lonely time
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Joanne's collecting leaves she'll be back she's off doing the rounds the petrol stations do you know what that BMX did to me I know I've told you this story before but I mean we're doing the pod three years there's going to be repeats And I only have three stories. Why didn't you hand him the BMX? Did you have pegs at the back, yeah? For your tricks? What do you mean?
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where would you go? Daily Mail are into you now are they indeed? am I not still a guest on your are you not still a regular guest on my podcast?
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Don't be a child, I was a cool kid. In my brass jeans that were also hand-me-downs that my mum had ironed the face of them on. She just pushed it around as well. I was a great little cyclist. Great little cyclist.
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but the saddle was kind of like dodgy and because I was genuinely doing one of a little trick and the saddle had come off and I sat back down on it yeah and to this day I have a scar in my vagina no was it bleeding hardcore like a fucking pirate yeah yeah yeah my mum had to come up and scoop me up I remember I was bawling crying it was like blood coming out of me oh my god terrifying and I have a scar on the outside from where I had that precancerous male removed tell you my vagina is hardcore you had one yeah
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On the mound. You never told us about that. On the mound. What's the fucking medical name for the mound? I would just call it the front. I think it's genuinely called the mound. Google it, child. Is that a work laptop for your leg? Yeah, it is a work laptop. I'll get sent on a course. Yeah, learn. Get sent on a course. Some sort of gynecology course. Come back and teach us.
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yeah exactly so they've always preferred you but I walked up the thing and I was like oh my coat's nice oh I'm kind of alright and then I walked to the door at Global and I was like oh shit I forgot about my hair because I have my Strictly hair in you have your Strictly hair because I slept in it last night and I was like I'm too tired to change it so not like you it's a very me thing to do your hair for people who can't see you it's
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
We're as clear as you are. Yeah, I had a little mole removed. Well, it wasn't a mole. It was a proper mole. It was all changing shapes and winking and all. Weird, you know. I've never had a mole removed and there's so many all over me. I was like, you've loads of options. Do you get them checked? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I have to go back again. I haven't been in a while.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
But you do because there's loads. I have so many moles. Yeah. I am a mole. Oh, sorry. The monospubis. Sorry. The monospubis. I mean, I'm going with mounds. I prefer mounds. Yeah. I do. I didn't like mounds to begin with. Yeah. But if it's between those two, I'll take mounds. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, every time I have a smear test, I tell them about the store. I say, can you feel it up there?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Obviously, they don't have their hands up me, but I tell them about BMX. Did you win? I can't tell you that, Joanne. Why would I ruin Christmas Day for everyone? Yeah, you're right. Why would I ruin it? Yeah, I know, you're right. Obviously, and I'm a fantastic dancer, as you know, so what do you think?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I went to see ABBA Voyage oh go on it is spectacular oh my god because I was like what could they do with like holograms unbelievable oh my god I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it you know when you're at a show and Svenny didn't even really want to go because he's like what is this going to be and I was like I got tickets I took Gina and Cass for Gina's birthday took Svenny's mum now it's not cheap
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
and I took T and Gigi it's 90 minutes long it was amazing there was a man beside me crying I had goosebumps like I'm getting goosebumps now maybe it's the cold studio though it was so brilliant I couldn't believe it like I want to go again I'll go with you again Really? Really, really that good. I mean, I wish it was closer to where I live. That was what turned me off. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
It does take 45, 50 minutes to get there. Well, not if you live beside us. But they're holograms. Can we not just get them to beam into Battersea or whatever now? I think they really have to set up a big studio. I just want them in the house. Yeah, I mean, the production can't be that big. It's only ABBA. The light show. It's only an ABBA hologram. How hard can it be? Get them to zoom in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Yeah, it's ABBA. Sorry. Oh my God, Mike, I'm sorry if you're listening. Oh my God, I hope. Well, oh God, I don't want to see those men because they're real people. Yeah. No, ABBA, I just had so much fun in it. It was such good crack. Apparently, it's going to have to run for years and years and sell out every night to ever even break even. Apparently, it's like a massive money pit. What?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I heard they were making an absolute fortune off it because it's one of their sons who made it it's one of their sons Bjorn well they've just booked it for another two years it's booked out all the time I don't know if that could be true because the tickets I'm telling you cost a fortune they've never done it before it's like the first of its kind blah blah blah well that was something I listened to a podcast about it maybe a year ago so maybe Google it because the tickets are very expensive I think they're doing an Elvis one as well which I'm very excited
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Oh my God, the Elvis one. I heard that they're going to do a Kiss one. I prefer Elvis. Elvis would be amazing. That's because you've got the hillbilly hair and you've gone into the whole... I've gone all Elvis. Yeah, you and Joe were like bonding over that. Oh, I'd love that. But only like three of his songs. Elvis, come on. Tina Turner, they should do Tina Turner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
not hillbilly what do you call it 50s look what you have rockabilly rockabilly you're like joe she's hillbilly she's got a mullet again it's rockabilly you look like one of the girls in greece
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I mean, how lazy of her, but they're still alive. that's what I thought fucking hell I was googling during it and I was like what the fuck they're still going they're still going they just couldn't be arsed they didn't even do the dancing for it they got other younger people to do the dancing now what age are they oh they'd be well they'd be well cracking on but they'd be 70s now
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
They could do one show and just get the holograms to copy them. I think that is what happened. No, they didn't even do that. They literally did nothing. They'd have to have done something. They'd have to be on a green screen. They weren't on a green screen. They didn't. Are you sure? Yeah, and then one of the guys looks exactly like the boy from The Sixth Sense.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
And it's all I could see during it was The Sixth Sense boy. But there's a man bawling crying beside me. I was like, dude, it's a computer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Yeah, they're not going on the road. No, no, no, no. They're like, beam me up. I couldn't believe they were still alive and they used to be a couple. The two of them used to be a couple. I did. I thought that. I was like, this lazy bastard. It's like him taking four weeks paternity leave. I'm still not over that. I know. What the hell is going on? You took the piss there, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
No, I wouldn't do that to you. We liked it. It was like having a free house. We're like, freak off! Although I listened back to the last ep and we were like, where's Joe? What will we do? Joe's not here. Yeah, me and Bo just sit in silence. We're like Furbies until he comes back in the room or react about it. We're like, what happens now? Joe's not here. Giving us immediate feedback.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Speaking of crying, I took one for the team and went to see Wicked. Did you cry? I did not. What? I was bitterly disappointed. What? With the movie? No. Movie was good. Film was good. Film was good. Ariana Grande... Just good? It was... Do you know what? Couple of things. One of the most embarrassing things, and Jo, may or may not... I don't know if I'm just alone in this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
When you're young, it's a funny thing as you get older, the occasion matters less. Like when you're young, if you've nothing to do on New Year's Eve, you're like, oh my God, I feel really left out. It's like your birthday. Do you know what I mean? You feel a bit sorry for yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
But when you get a little older and wiser, the idea of waking up sprightly on New Year's Day fills you with great joy because you feel like you've gotten one over on the rest of the world. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I mean, as trips go, cleaning is not the worst. You know what I mean? There's people pulling their eyes out with pliers and stuff. Remember I told you about that person who peeled themselves like an orange. Well, apparently, apparently, because sometimes we'll talk about stuff in the pod and then people who listen will send in like a kind of a conclusion to the story.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, no, that's, there was footage of that. Oh, jeez. Which obviously I saw.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
That's why I need the nanny to just read me stories to put me to sleep so that I'm not free to Google this shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
He lent his glasses and didn't get them back. I didn't get them back and had no glasses. What bastard is going around? You always know when someone's really blind when you put on their glasses and you can't see, let alone see better, you can't see at all. Imagine being like, yeah, this seems perfectly okay to keep these. This person's obviously crawling around on the ground.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Are you building? Are you building houses? Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
We love to see it. We love a bit of Tally under the belt.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Well, to be fair... Sorry, you had... But you had Vogue Investigator. You had that series where you were in... You're always dabbling. You're always kind of in and out. You're always dipping the toe in and out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, that's fantastic. 25, survive and thrive. No. No, no. No? No. Pat was in love for Christmas, as we've said. First Christmas hosting. I say hosting. I didn't obviously host. I took her out for lunch. Now we all know Christmas dinner, the markup is deranged, right? So you just expect it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm surprised Louisa's not on it. Like Louisa, for anyone who doesn't know, is Vogue's manager. Yeah, of course she is. And that woman, I actually said, Louisa, when do you sleep?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
And what we did was I actually sold my car in Dublin and we used, well, my mum obviously helped me sell it because I no longer live in Dublin. So we were like, look, let's take the money from the car and like just have a really good Christmas, right? So it was like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
you know yeah so we were like right let's so we booked this Christmas dinner in the in this very fancy hotel it's actually known for its food as well this is why I'm so surprised anyway we paid a lot of money right a stupid amount of money to have a dinner there went in it's like a set menu kind of thing The food was... I mean, when I showed Vogue the photo of the dinner... I have it ready.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Now, obviously, people listening can't see it. It was... Do you know what it looks like? And this is exactly how I describe it. It looks like I made it. And I think anyone who knows anything about me will know what I mean when I say that. Do you see it, Jo? It's like, were you not starving? I didn't even know what that brown thing on the left is, and I ate it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Were you not absolutely starving after that, though? Well, there was a starter, and I... I didn't have a dessert, as my mother tells everyone. Joanne didn't have a dessert. But, so they came out and the meat was there at Grant and then the roast potatoes, Grant, and roast carrots, Grant. And I have weird hang-ups about food. There's one thing I will not eat is roast potatoes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I just want to eat roast potatoes. Just pizza and roast potatoes. They just never came back into the system after all the madness. So I was like, oh, can I get a boiled potato? No! That's it. Now, I want to tell you, Jo, I don't know whether I'll keep this in or not, how much we paid for... Two slabs of meat, that brown lump on the left and rose potatoes with no room to move to a boiled potato.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
So break that in half. Each? Not each? No, no, no, no. For the, each between the two of us. So what's that? Two, three, five each. 235 pounds. Jesus Christ. For what Focus just showed you there. Like, ludicrous, ludicrous money. Not even a fucking... Boiled potato. Not even a glass of champagne. Nothing. And then the drink on top of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's the closest thing I've ever experienced to planning a wedding. Because, you know, when you're getting married, from what I hear... The markup was like, oh, it's wedding, it's wedding. So everything's like six times the cost. And obviously that was the crack with the Christmas Day thing. I mean, it was. When I say rip, and listen, I complain to you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I don't complain outside of, I don't really complain. I can't bear the confrontation. I couldn't be arsed. It's not worth it. It's never personal. Everyone else there on the day had the same thing. But I think I'm going. To contact them. Complain is too strong. I think I'm going to contact them. I think it has to be said. I think that they want that feedback though. They want that feedback.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm still sore about it. I'm like, that is an insane rip off. Insane. I had a great full circle mount with Pat in the house. Which was what? We went to leave the house. She came out of her bedroom, which is obviously my bedroom. And I was like, mother, I said, you've every light in the house on. You've every light in the house left on. You know how often she has said that to me?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's like the Liverpool. What does she call it? The Liverpool. What do they call Joe?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
No. I have no idea. I have no idea what you're talking about. Illuminations. The Liverpool Illuminations. Blackpool Illuminations. Sorry. Blackpool Illuminations. She's like, it's like the Blackpool Illuminations. I was like, I couldn't believe I get to say these words. We've done a full 180. You've every light in the house left on. People are like, no, you're not paying the bills now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm waiting for, isn't it January 6th? Isn't it a little woman's Christmas? Twelfth night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's pretty laissez-faire. I've no strict dining times. It's more just kind of as they find me. Although, I will say, and the same as everyone else, over the festive season, despite my best efforts to control myself or have some dignity, I think if I counted up my calorie content, I'm basically half woman, half blubberfish now. And I've no regrets. I've no regrets. I've no regrets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Vogue, you're very lucky I didn't put in a complaint to you because I was convinced that your Christmas lights were broken, not realising that they were timed to keep me alive. So they kept turning off and I was like, I said, she's looking at, I should pick up the phone really and let her know that she's lent me a substandard product.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Oh, that sounds familiar actually. Yes, you're right. Somebody bought the lights.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Couple from Barnsley left gutted gutted in caps after husband ordered diamond studded Fabergé egg for 20 year anniversary only to be sent a potato with plastic earrings stuck in it. How he felt for snatch 59 said I wanted to get Betty something special and whilst I was sceptical at the price tag of 59 could have been the sale. I never dreamed I would be stuck with a Maris Piper potato.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
They've ruined our marriage, says Harry. I mean, I don't think it was the most solid of unions if that's the case. Betty Feltersnatch, 42, said, 2024 has been an awful year. Sorry, 2024 has been an awful year and this is just the cherry on top. I don't think that's the right use of that. I can't put this on display. It wouldn't be right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Now, when I say the potato, it's the grossest thing I've ever seen. I don't know my potatoes. I wouldn't know a Maris Piper from just a fucking whatever, random potato. But it is disgusting. It's got little silver legs on it. They put it on a little stand. And then it's covered in those, you know those diamond earrings that give babies... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's covered in them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It kind of looks like an infection. It's disgusting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm so bad at returning things. Even if I paid full whack for it and it came as a potato, I probably still wouldn't send it back. Do you know what I mean? They're like, that's 20 grand on a Faberge egg and it was a potato. I'd be like, oh fuck, I just put it on the shelf. I don't imagine those potato... Ugh, doing it to return forms.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Like, it does seem a bit much. She's flirting. I've seen, they have it. There's certainly a chemistry there. I've seen it. To be honest, he's given more than the lad I was seeing, to be honest. I was seeing, he was technically identified as a human man, but was very robotic in his behaviour. He had that kind of like, what would you call it? Avoidant attachment style.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Probably would have got more from that Telsa thing. To be fair. I'm going to buy you a Tesla.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I've got an air fryer, Jo, and I'm beside myself. Can't leave the thing alone. Putting everything in it. Vogue, I meant to say to you, so you know the way I'm trying to experiment with AI?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I was trying to kind of get a handle on ChatGBT and also, because I was asking for recommendations for things, right? Yeah. Books and restaurants and obviously I'm going on holidays to Cape Town, I was asking for that. And I was like, I wonder, does it recommend us to anyone?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Like, does it recommend the podcast? Yeah. I said, can you recommend a good comedy, comedy? Can you recommend a good comedy podcast for women? Absolutely, says ChatGBT. Here are some excellent comedy podcasts that cater to women and offer a blend of humor, wit and relatability. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve pods listed. No sign of ghosts. I said, okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I said, okay, we're obviously under something else. Can you recommend some irreverent comedy female podcasts? Oh, yes, says ChatGBT. If you're looking for irreverent comedy podcasts hosted by women, here are some standout options that are bold, unapologetic and hilariously candid. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. No sign of ghosted.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I said, OK, ChatGBT, give me Irish comedy podcasts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
let's really whittle this down are you just what's the fucking story behind this are you trying to make me feel bad in the new year I already feel anxious and sad oh please here are some fantastic Irish comedy podcasts to deliver laughs with a mix of wit charm and cultural flavour I can't miss 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 comedy Irish podcasts not a fucking sniff of ghosted yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I said, okay, Chachi BT, who the fuck are my therapist ghosted me? Oh, my therapist ghosted me is a hilarious and irreverent podcast hosted by Irish comedian, Jerome McNally and TV presenter, Vogue Williams. Mix it. I said, why did you not recommend my therapist ghosted me as an Irish comedy podcast? Chachi BT, you're absolutely right. I apologize.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It should have been included in the list of Irish comedy podcasts. It's one of the most popular and hilarious Irish podcasts. Blending, unfiltered, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's no point apologising. It's too late. The damage is done. I feel hurt. The damage is done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
We have done, I don't know what you've done, Vogue, in your private time to piss off Chachi BT, but it is not on our side.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Well, we clearly scare it or we're completely invisible to the internet. Anyway, I was highly offended. I didn't think ChatGPT was allowed to make mistakes and apologise. Frankly, I found that terrifying. Just get it right. You're a fucking robot. Like, how hard is it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It doesn't work. That's it. There's a flaw in the system. It's not us. It's the AI. ChatGPT, can you please recommend a comedy podcast by two Irish women, one comedian, one presenter? Yes, no problem. 19 pods later, still no answer to me about. Okay, don't worry about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Like we're being ignored. That's all I'm going to say. Feels like an inside job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I mean, that's fucking, I mean, that's, you know, that happens every year. But come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Oh my God. I watched, by now, on Netflix, have you seen it? Yes. About fast fashion? It's terrifying. Go on. What else did she say?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Are we having a festival with the aliens? A supporting event? It's not a sporting event. No, it says supporting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It is time. I mean, the aliens, they are coming at some stage, so it's worth her while saying it's this year. I don't think it'll be this year.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
That'd be interesting, wouldn't it? This woman's insane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I think the world would grind to a halt, to be totally honest. Kind of frightening. It'd be like the vaccine. Everyone would be rushing to try and make something to stop that being done. And no one would leave the house. You'd have to stay inside. Do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, and again, the vaccine was a pretty big one, you know. We were entitled to jump on that one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
yeah we were trying to save the human race it's herd mentality we were trying to be responsible members of the community you know
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, after hours. Like it's like an A&E for the face, basically. Just women like us sitting there all night on a trolley waiting to be seen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Come on. Gets a COVID vaccine every six months? Yeah, every six months, yeah. Oh, wow. I know. Oh. I've got three heads and a pair of eyes. Kind of look like an octopus now. One every three months, only the nine arms.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Is it too late? Take the face off, Debbie. Take it off. Put it in a bell jar. Regrow it like a clone. Put it in a tube. And just bring it back fresh. Like a test tube baby face. My mother was with me at Christmas. And at one stage she was like, Joanne, the flat is really cold. But I had so much kind of, what would you say, but the blubbering that I felt no cold at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
You could have put me in the 44s. You could have put me in the C. I would have thought it was the bats. I have so many layers on the inside.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
New year, new us. Happy new year. Just spent, what, the guts of 45 minutes trying to figure out how our laptops work again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Who changes their pyjamas every night? Unless you have a very serious skin condition. I mean, and even then.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
People have such weird ideas about things. Like that is, to me now, I'd go back on her and I'd go full Greta. I was going to say Greta Gerwig. That's the Barbie woman. I'd go Greta Thunberg on her. And be like, washing clothes that do not need to be washed is terrible for the environment. Back in your box. I know, get lost. Your hygiene shaming e-bag, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
How come I'm involved in these fairy chats and I've never seen a penny of this money? Have you, Joe?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm actually the face of a rival washing powder called... Wizards.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
What one do you use? Whatever's on sale, baby. Whatever's on sale. I have no loyalty. I have nothing. I just go where stuff's scribbled out in a new price underneath and I'm like, boom.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
So you unclick and click because they think that it's like hinge. They think you're going to leave so they give you a better deal. Is that it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
God, you're like a little shopping shark. I know, I know. Joe, all the tricks of the trade and the to save a dime.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Well, and that didn't happen either. At one point, Jo was like, do you even have a mic? I was like, oh my God. It's ready to go. Not a mic to be seen. It's so hard. It's hard to get back into things. It's like I'm learning to walk again. Like I have to say, so we're doing a morning record. And it's a gorgeous morning. It's all frosty and stuff. Have you seen outside? I have seen outside.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
The children do. I mean, I had a very chilled Christmas. Pat was in London with me. No children. I mean, not that I have anything against children. I'm very fond of them. But when there's no children around at all, it does create quite a peaceful vibe. Just two women. Sipping champagne, reading, lounging on the couch, watching TV. It was lovely.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Is that not how you get away from them, though? I'd just be like, I'm hiding and seeking back in London. I did find, I did find. So long, Scotland. Mummy's hiding and seeking on the PJ and then she's hiding and seeking in her bedroom in London.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Looked lovely. Looked lovely. They're still dancing, you know. It's like, all right, Grant, we liked it at the start, would you? Come on, stop milking it now. I was dancing. Remember they danced in their documentary to that Fleetwood Mac song. What was it? What was the joke? Can we get a fact check, Joe? Can we get a fact check? I'd be surprised if you got... Islands in the Stream.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Sorry, it was Dolly Parton. They had a moment and it was really sweet and cute, but they keep recreating it and you're like, all right, come on now, you've milked it enough. I saw them on the daily magazine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Hilarious. If and when I have my child, which would be an individual girl, who would look exactly like me and dress like me, that's the dream. I will kind of, I won't be a consistently good mother. I'll let other people in her life shine. Right? So then... I don't think anyone's good all the time. Well, you obviously are because they always want to be around you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Whereas my daughter, Gwendolyn, when I have her...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
No, it's going to be Gwendolyn Markovich McNally. Okay, lovely.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have it all planned out. The only thing I'm missing is a sperm. I have a nanny hired and everything. I told you. At the moment, she just comes around for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
She arrived over. She goes, where's the baby? I'm like, a baby. You're starting on me. I want to make sure you're good. I'd be fat around five and again at six. Put everything up real small like a choke.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I have seen outside. My kids have been outside pretend ice skating. It's gorgeous outside. It's very wintry. It's very, well, wintry, I guess. I don't. See, this is what happens when it's a morning record. Wintry, that's all I have. It's the same thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
when I have Gwendolyn Markovich McNally I will set it up very smartly so that she'll love me of course because I'm her mother but she'll also when she's around other women she'll prefer to go to them just so that I'm not she's not around me all the time so I'll love her inconsistently like a trauma bond more than a parental bond
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll zoom in. I'll be like, folks, send me a link. I'd like to see Gwendolyn Markovitch McNally. How did she sleep last night, folks? Yeah, I'll zoom in while you're breastfeeding her. And I'm like, this all seems fine. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
How goes the sleep training? Mine's going really well, Vogue. Yeah, I'm sleeping straight through now. Have you weaned her yet? Have you weaned her? They're the two worst jobs. Bring her back when she's toilet trained. But still a virgin, whatever age that is. Like 17. 15.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, it's not like we're sitting on a tube at 7am going to an office. Yeah. I literally, I was still kind of mooching when I zoomed in here. Like I was still, my eyes were kind of still kind of stuck together, slowly opening. I did a shout out yesterday for good audiobooks because I'm really in the mood to power walk around and kind of shake the shackles off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
And now that it's all wintery outside, I want to really get amongst it. But I can't, every time I go on to Audible, my brother got me an Audible voucher for Christmas. it just keeps recommending the same books and they're, they're just, I don't particularly want those particular books. So I did a shout out about First Celebrity Memoirs. Janette McCurdy kept coming in. I've read it already.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
But there's a couple of recommendations because we like a book rack. There's some of them I've read, but still, ones that I was like, oh yeah, they're a really good recommendation. Sinead O'Connor's book, Remembering, is a really good one. Julia Fox's autobiography is really good. Now, everyone recommends it. I actually couldn't finish it. I didn't like it. Didn't think it was great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Ah, yeah. I mean, Jesus, I think Vanessa's blocked me at this point. She's like, okay, I got it. You're into the book. Chill.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
that kind of thing then a friend of mine recommended Ryland's memoir I just walking around I like a celebrity memoir so I did a shout out for New Year's stuff that's why I wanted to know what you did for your New Year's I went to a party at Grey Croc it was a late one all the all the all the kind of standard classic things it was actually really good fun we danced loads chatted loads you danced yeah yeah we were raving away oh my god well I was you know I do love a dance
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I can't download another word. I can't. I've no other way of describing what's going on outside except wintry. I don't have any more coffee. I should have nine Red Bulls.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
on a good day I'd say she looked in her late 30s and she was emptying the rubbish from her bag into the line bike basket and I just thought why are you doing that why are you putting the rubbish from your bag and you know me and Alza stood there and watched her and I was like I'm not going to say anything this is London anything could go on anything could go on she could come and like go for me do you want to have a sweet there Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
So let's just go by names, yes? Okay, well, I'm going to go for a pizza party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Pizza balls. Okay, you're going for pizza balls. Joe, here's other ones that we could go for. I'm choosing next by the name. Some of them are. Jean-Marc Aveline.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
A bit Putin vibes, yeah. Anders Arabora, let's see it. Swedish. I like the sound of him. I like the Swedes. Yeah, yeah. I'll take him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I'm kind of jealous of your, like, I want pizza ball on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I can't even remember who I chose now. Oh, Matteo Zuppi, 69. He probably won't get it because he's 69. I'm going for Matteo Zuppi because then I'll remember.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I feel really bad. I didn't watch the funeral. Isn't that bad? Sorry, don't get me wrong.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
but the only thing is once you get into it and once you haven't had sex for a while you're kind of like that's true you switch off I'm a vol cell now voluntary celibate are you yeah in cells are the involuntary celibate ones that shoot up schools I'm vol cell which means I just go to brunch with my friends voluntary celibate women are way less problematic than involuntary celibate men yeah what happened to you yesterday what happened yesterday Joanne was ringing me furiously yesterday trying to get in touch with me and she's like what's wrong is something going on
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I had responded to her on Monday as well, by the way. So I had responded. I wasn't just ignoring it. I got needy, yeah. I was like, oh God, I better send her a message of where I am so she can see I'm not lying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I've never known somebody with such a busy social life, honestly. I don't have a social life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
There you go. Well, we will see you on Netflix shortly. So I keep looking at everyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I wanted to tell you about a story that I heard. Go on. So I can't say who it was. But basically, there's a girl who works in the entertainment industry like us. Oh, I thought you meant like a kind of a mattress actress. No, do you know what as well? Because when me and Sven were in St. Bart's, there was this girl and she had like, she just had all these Birkin bags. I'd been watching her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
she had these massive Birkin bags which probably what are they like 100 grand and anyway she was like showing us her Instagram we got chatting to her and we were like oh are you in the entertainment industry she was like really furious and then we were like oh my god what have we said so she thought that we were suggesting suggesting that she was a porn star yeah but anyway so I so this is a girl that works in the entertainment industry but not the porn she's not a porn star she does stuff like this
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
And anyway, she was telling me that, like, she was getting trolled really badly online. And she was like, right, I'm going to Rebecca Vardy this stuff. And try and find out who is trolling me. Because some of it felt like it might have been the same person. So she did this... You mean she's going to Colleen Rooney it. She's going to Colleen Rooney it. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
So she was going to find out, try to find out who these people were that were doing it. And she did this huge deep dive. It must have taken her. She was like, it took me over a year. She was like, but like it was some of them were so vicious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Well, that's what she thought. She thought she knew them all. And she was like, I'm going to find out who's saying all this stuff about me because it was so bad and it was like consistent and happening all the time. So she was like posting stories and taking them down and then seeing who had viewed the stories. And then she was like, she was doing really clever stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I still don't understand how English people don't know what bold means. I know, but naughty seems sexual to me. It does. I know, but I have said to my kids, I'm like, stop being naughty. Naughty, it's very spank paddle. Do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
But she was doing it for like over a year because I was like, how did you find that out? Because like, I would love to find out. She's like, you need to put quite a bit of effort into it. And so she found out, right? She found four of them. And she got in touch with them and she said... How did she find them? I don't get it. She did loads of different things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
She was able to whittle it down to these four people. Women. Were they women or men? Women. Whittle it down to these four women. And she was like, if you don't come and meet me, I'm going to post you online and show all the stuff that you were doing. Because she was like, I just want to meet them and see who they are and why they would want to do this to me. Knew none of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Didn't know one single... No, none of them. Knew none of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Like that girl who found out that it was her mom trolling her. Or what? Yeah. There was a girl that found out her mother was trolling her for over a year. Yeah. Mad. But anyway. Sounds like something my mother would do but go on. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
so Neil Neil actually has an Instagram that he just watches like my mom and me and stuff like that and my mom says when he gets a follower he's like get them off get them off and I get rid of them but anyway so she found these four people and she went to meet up with them and she took her husband with her and they all agreed to meet
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
yeah because they had to because she was going to out them and they all took their husband and then like one woman who was like a serial troll had 14 different accounts so she was posting about her then replying with another account replying so she was basically having this huge conversation with herself and making it out like all these 14 people were just ripping into her yeah no excuse for it but she's got quite a high up job in a company and stuff like that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
yeah and so she just spoke to them all and they were all like obviously crying and so apologetic like there is going to be a day when everybody gets like if you're talking shit like that about people online your day is going to come and it's going to be very embarrassing well I do think because some of the sites they're anonymous but they're anonymous for now there will come I think there will come a time where all that will be backtracked and those emails will be like you know the um
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me, with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Honestly, where's my coat? She bitched about the wine glasses. You bitched about them. They're the only thing I ever see in your hand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
because it usually is the same person like even when I see comments about myself it's always the same person and like it's just really bizarre the same username and I'm like it's just so strange but like to find out that she didn't know any of them and that and one of them had 14 accounts like how does she know I know mental health isn't an excuse but that does sound like she is mentally unwell yeah but like they brought their husbands with them as well imagine imagine I had to accompany Spencer to a coffee shop because he'd been trolling people online I'd be like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Who is this man that I've married? I'd be really freaked out by it. This sounds like a documentary. I know, it's just... I'd love to do something like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
This is great, Valk. Look at us brainstorming. I wouldn't even be doing it. Mine would have to be a movie. There'd be so many of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I'm wearing my net shoes, and I actually was like, Joanne won't be able for that, so I'll bring socks. You're wearing your feet gloves. I'm wearing my feet. No, they're not those ones. They haven't got special spots for toe. I brought socks. Isn't that nice of me? That's very sweet of you. That's me looking after you. There you go. Just don't look at my heels.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I'm really unhappy in my life. I really struggle to feel sorry for people like that. I guess it's because I would never do that to somebody. I just wouldn't do it. No, but you're happy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I love them. I'm glad you love them and that you really went to the effort to bring my coat in today.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
But you just told me about three weeks ago they'd only started a new search.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
If you're telling me they found her plane now, they must have made the planes pretty well those days if it's still a piece of a plane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
so she'd have no money left to live for the rest of the year I'm gonna see if I can move framers because these lads they're all the same they're probably off skiing with the amount of money I put into that business they own the chalet as well they own the chalet they it's not just your framers no I know their framers are notorious it's all framers I know I framed a couple of theatres when I got Sven to do it because I knew the price and he didn't I was like take them you can do me a favour take them over there
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Let me Google a coconut crab. I really, like, that's one of my biggest fears is crabs. What? Really? I cannot stand them. I saw this video of a crab removing its own skeleton yesterday and then I couldn't sleep last night. Coconut crab. Oh, that's a terrible way to go. Isn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Oh my God. Oh my God. They are desperate. I know. Oh my God, they climb up. They're massive. Ah, no. No, they are rotten looking. I'd say they ate the airplane as well, to be honest. Oh, Jesus Christ. Look at the size of that one. Look at the size. Yeah, but I never know. Is that AI or is that what it looks like? Oh, my God. Listeners, please Google the coconut crab. Like, honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Do you know what I did this weekend? I went to the London Marathon. I've never been. it was absolutely if anyone has never been it's a free day out first of all tick and I went down towards Big Ben with Gigi so you stand at the side and you cheer them on but it's such a nice atmosphere we were there to cheer on Spencer who did who did his marathon in 3.07. So we have to give him kudos for that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
That's brilliant. I don't understand. Is that good? Yeah. Three hours and seven minutes. The record is two hours and three minutes, which is insane to me. Like we couldn't even run 20 meters at the speed that that record guy was running.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
So yeah, I went to the marathon and now Spencer has decided that it's going to be really funny if he just sets up a GoFundMe page for me, enters me into the marathon and then I have no choice but to do it. I'd love you to do it. No, I wouldn't. I'd do it with you if we could run-walk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Can you just cycle us? You can finish it in eight hours. So we've eight hours. So if you want to walk slowly and do the whole thing. Can you do the whole thing? In eight hours. But we don't want, that's embarrassing. We don't want to do it in eight hours. I don't know. We could do it. We could really own it like a walk. We could just join in. I think that's not the point of the marathon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I need to tell you their pace. Pace of fast walkers. Jesus, that's really embarrassing. So their pace is like 6.4 minutes a kilometre. So when I'm running really well, like when I'm doing my best ever run, like practically a sprint that I couldn't keep up for more than a kilometre, I could be going like 5.15, so just a minute quicker. But that's a fast walker. They walk insanely fast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Well, 100,000 people tried to get a place. 56,000 people did the marathon this year. And now they have something like 500,000 people. If you, if you're at the marathon, like, to be in that crowd and to be like it's such a great atmosphere I like and there's people at the side like having pints and stuff like that so like you'd love it I'd love it yeah can we go on a blimp no
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Will I just attach a hot air balloon to Big Ben and we'll just sit there and just watch everyone?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
He's like, did I just make 200 pounds to get this framed? I'm like, I think the kids are going to go on Ikea frames. That's a deal. 200 pounds. What are you getting done? Are you getting that like shine proof glass? I'm getting all the bits and pieces.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
It's either this or an affair. Oh. Well, do you know what, Spencer? Like, he didn't. Because I was just like, I kind of didn't see him doing the marathon as a big deal. And he's trying to tell me that the speed he did it at is a big deal. But he didn't train at all. But some days, like, he'll go out for a run and I'll be like, where are you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I know, isn't it? And Joe's raging. Joe's raging that we're in studio, yeah. Because he's got to go somewhere far away, far, far.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
And he'll just be like, oh, I just decided to do a marathon. So I'm just like, but you do marathons all the time. Like, you do at least one every couple of weeks. So I just felt like it wasn't that big. Like, if I was to run a marathon... I feel like that would be a big deal because I get a really sore ass after 5K. He's like, Forrest Gump, what's going on? He just loves running.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
When he gets into running, he just, like, he just loves it. When anyone gets into running, they're all mad for it. Did you see Joel Domet, poor Joel? No. He put up this post of his marathon day and it was like, 4am, get up and travel to the London Marathon. Do the London Marathon. Get back, have lunch, then go and do a TV show that night. And I'm like, that's a very,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
long schedule for a marathon did a gig the night before did a gig the night before yeah and he's travelling down at 4am and like because he is he's a very fit person and he's quite a good runner but he he like collapsed and he had to go on an ambulance for three hours and he posted the funniest video of himself basically it's I have to show you look up the video on his Instagram it's this random person taking a video of him obviously just before he's collapsed he was
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
like he was just wobbling oh my god wobbling all over completely out of it but the fact that he like he posted a video of this amazing runner what I thought like what I thought it looked like running the marathon and then this video that someone had sent him and it was the funniest but what he did do it's so good oh Jo you poor thing it is the best video I honestly think I have ever
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
it's probably it was a really sunny day as well which probably doesn't help with all the dehydration he looks so he looks like he's done about 50,000 ecstasy tablets that's me after three burpees he looks
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
he's about to collapse what I will say is he got into an ambulance for three hours then he got out and he finished the marathon he got his medal and I just think do you know what fair folks because if I got in an ambulance I would be three hours in an ambulance yeah he was in bits and he still finished it on time I'm surprised he didn't need the bed how did he not have been there for three hours that's because he presents the Masked Singer there's probably people having heart attacks out in the street like oh we can't push Joel out now he's just in there having a cup of tea
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
you sound like Lou Sanders have you ever watched her Instagram page she's a comedian and she just does like one day she's gone rock climbing the next day she's in a roller disco and I'm like oh she's big into the roller roller skating where does she find all this shit she's like I'd love to do stuff I sent you an invite yesterday something and you didn't write back what is it after harassing me yesterday morning when I was at an event I literally couldn't I was like have we got a problem I turn up to the Bear by Vogue event I was like can I speak to you outside please
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Well, I have to say, you're a handyman. I've never been ghosted so much in my life by handymen. Honestly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I was like, wow, I've really got her. She's mad about me now. I'll invite her to something. Nothing unread. Yeah, what did you invite me to? Unread.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
You can't even talk about it online, which is what we love to do. Is there no, wait, was there no 5G either? Is it all gone? No, there's nothing. Oh no. There's no internet. But my mum has internet and she lives in Spain. I don't understand how she's done that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Left, right and centre. Same in Ireland. I have this guy come up. He's thrilled to do the work. We're like six months down the line. We're like, if you don't want to do it, just please tell us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Neil Neil's obviously a very powerful man Neil controls the internet Neil controls the internet I did see that but like I would I think I thought to myself I wouldn't mind the whole like electricity part but then your freezer is going to defrost well that's it's such a mom thing to think but yeah I wouldn't have thought of that I was just like how am I going to sell these tickets I'm going to go out with my own wind farm and just start trying to power the place up myself
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
are they not back on track the big battery I think they're back on track now but they can't figure out what it was well did you not see that Marks and Spencer had this whole like fraud thing happen they haven't been able to sell anything online if you want Marks and Spencer grapes you've got to go in store barbaric you're not getting those bad boys online that is the worst news I've heard I have a funny thing to tell you quickly about my book so thank you so much to everyone who has pre-ordered my book you're welcome which one did you pre-order
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Okay, good. Because the problem is, right? I was like, I'd love to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
No, you're ordering one and you are too. Yes. Oh, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I make her pay for my book because I asked for like four tickets for about seven nights of peanut butter exactly are we not running a bartering system here okay okay but so basically to everyone who's pre-ordered my book I'm really appreciative and I am appreciative for when you guys finally do use Gabby Bastards and it is on my link on my Instagram But everyone's pre-ordering the audio.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
So I've sold audio books, but that doesn't count towards a bestseller list. So they don't include audio books. Do they not? I'm surprised. Everyone's only buying my audio.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
You have a degree in construction. Do you think I was going to uni and putting paintings on the wall? I love to see you. That's not what I did there. I was doing like fucking law around building construction. Then why are you now on the telly in a boiler suit with a hammer? Claiming that you're using your degree.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I'm more doing the project management side and like designing their build for them and what they're going to do and like everything like that. I'm being taught DIY. And like the amount of stuff you...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Yeah, I know. So I'll probably get them by next Christmas. You can give me a bulk gift next Christmas. Speaking of presents, I have recently, now I've sold stuff on Vinted before. Have you ever been on Vinted? I don't think I've ever bought anything off it. Oh my God. Joe, for baby clothes? I got like a Ralph Lauren jumper for Otto for like 12 quid.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Will you send her an email? Will you also send her an email? Just a reminder to bring in my North Face jacket, please.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Anything, anything? Yeah. Will you also actually shoot her an email to collect her stuff from my house? Yeah, so I'm on to Vinted now. And it is the most joy because you can go in and you're like, 12 quid for a Ralph Brown jumper that I'd pay 90 quid for. I'm not giving you 12 quid and you can make an offer of a tenner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
The arousal you'd get from that. It was unstoppable. And now, I think most of the joy I get is when the packages arrive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
The jumper had tags on it. It hadn't even worn. I'd just got a brand new jumper. Yeah. I'd say, was he running low? He was after you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
The lads were at 12 jumpers a day just to get the wear out of them all. He needs to wear 12. You know what he did the other day? He's such a terror. He basically, me and Spenny, I was cleaning the dogs because they stank. And I was in the shower cleaning the dogs and Spenny was in the sauna.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
And then Otto, it's on a Sunday, ran outside and he was with T. And I said, T, just make sure Otto doesn't do anything bold. And then he picked up loads of muck from the plants, ran back into our room with cream carpets. And as me and Spenny were standing there, he just threw it at the mirror. And we were like, what? And you know, when you're just like so shocked, I was like, oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
He was just so bold that I was like, he's three. He shouldn't be doing stuff like that when he's three. What's he thinking? Aren't they notorious at three? I think three is worse than two. Well, it would seem that way because he's only sort of thrown muck around the house now. Next is going to be the dog shit. I didn't expect Otto to take a turn. I didn't think he was going to be the rebel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
He took a turn quite some time ago and he hasn't quite finished the turn. He's not gone back in the straight and narrow yet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
I love that you two who've never been on a line bike are sitting here just, I'm a line biker. Not anymore because I got my new bike.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
No, I cheat on people all the time. I have a colourist in Ireland, I have a colourist here, and I could use any colourist sometimes. I'm terrible. Really? Yeah, I cheated on John Belton the other day. He trains me. I went back to Dalton One. Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that. He's very upset, and I said, well, John, that's what's going to happen. I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Yeah, you're telling everybody so you can say it out loud.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Like £500. I don't know, Jo, how much would they be? Because I'd never dream of buying one at full price, obviously. But I honestly was like, this is the most amazing thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Well, I'm just going to put it out there. I might go to South Africa at Christmas and I'm not following you, but I'd love you to be there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Sharing a room for six nights in Tenerife. Joanne might go to bed at six o'clock at night, wake up at one, and then she'll do stuff from one till four, and then maybe she'll go back to bed. You wouldn't know what I'd do. You're not normal. I'd hate sharing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
It's too much now. I said, I'm a 42 year old woman. Now I'll share with some people, I'm going away with the girls for two nights for our 40th and I'm sharing with one of the girls.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
That'll be nice that yous are all gone away. It will be nice. It'll be a nice little team bonding session. See, I still am traumatised over Christmas. Like, I don't want to... I'm not... Like, I'd go as far as nearly cancelling Christmas. And I know I love Christmas so much. Just the day itself is too much for me. I don't want to cook. I don't want to clean.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
but why are you well this is the thing so I suggested to my sister-in-law we get an Airbnb because we were finding it hard to get a hotel and she was like I'm not cooking and cleaning and making beds and I was like oh no I didn't even think of that because it's relentless it's relentless because no one else because everyone else goes on Christmas and then you're like when I was in my house I was just doing I was cleaning like nearly all day every day and I was like why am I still cleaning
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
that's what the line bikes are like in the weekend around the common they're just tossed everywhere you're actually meant to take a picture of your bike when you drop it off though so when you park it you have to take a picture of it being parked because obviously they're like everyone's just fucking them in the sewers and stuff these things there's blood on them there's booze on them like there's carnage I watched a woman right she looked like to be in her late 30s
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Yeah, no, no, no, no. Amber's locked in the corner drinking espresso martinis at 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm like, no, this is not for me. No, you need to outsource that shit. Go to someone else. I was thinking of going to a hotel or something. Just going into town even. Because my brother offered and I was like, no, because you're going to make me clean up there too. I'm not going.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
having Christmas Day well I'm not going because again I'll just be you'll just give me like a penny and I'll just be sent around to clean everything up a penny did you not bring your dice and mine's blocked why do you only have one earring on oh it's fucking falling out again
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Did you know that, Jo? I didn't know that. You're very good at TikTok, though. You're the best of TikTok. I'm out of this, us, yes. So who, so who, so how many are actually in the running? Six. That fella from Ghana can't be in the running. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
well we never know my own little reveal yeah I'm going to stand on my windowsill and clap and calm and puff it away okay the front runner currently he's 70 so that's Pietro Parolin pizza party is he the pizza party guy I don't think he's the pizza party 12, okay, there's 12 Cardinals. Everyone has to choose one. We do this in horse racing. I only ever choose on the name.