Joanne has pulled out all the stops for Valentines Day and everyone around her is being showered with love... Sort of. Also, Vogue bought a glass of champagne this week and wished she hadn't. Plus, your "when I knew I was the problem" submissions and why the scooter might have to go. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.
Chapter 1: What is the Valentine's Day special about?
Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me the Valentine's Day special. Happy Valentine's Day, darling. Happy Valentine's Day, honey. Happy Valentine's Day, poppet.
Thank you. You're welcome.
You found your hat. I didn't lose this hat. I'm wearing my cock baseball le cock hat. No, I didn't lose this hat.
You lost the cock for a while. Did I? You did, yeah. You were very upset about the cock. Yeah. Was I?
Did I lose it? Are you sure?
You lost the cock.
What did I? For sure. Was I not just going through a breakup with an actual man? Are you sure it was the baseball cap?
It was the hat. It was definitely the hat. We don't call a cock a cock.
We don't call it a cock. We never call it a cock. Only when I'm trying to be a dirty bitch. Yeah. Never to me. Only in the privacy of your own home.
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Chapter 2: What funny story does Vogue share about champagne?
And for stand-up, you kind of want them a little oiled, a little loosey.
I never even considered you, to be honest. Yeah, of course not.
I don't care if you die in your arse to a matinee. God forbid the entire experience of the show, Vogue. But it's kind of embarrassing when you have to admit that you're perceived to be better at your job and people are pissed. Oh, sorry.
Everything in life is better when you're... Two glasses in.
Yeah. Two glasses. Yeah, you're right. Two and a half, two, three. Then it starts kind of... Things then start to go the other way. Yeah, two for me and I go... Matinees in the Edinburgh Fringe were like some of them... It's like pulling teeth. It's not the same vibe. But then it hits a certain... Then in Edinburgh there was a show called Late and Live which started at midnight. And that was...
carnage like absolute carnage so there is a middle ground there is a Goldilocks comedy time which I think is 8pm I'm just saying that I think that you should consider for the Apollo and for the Olympia in Dublin that you should do a matinee did Jason Manford do a matinee yes he did do a matinee why do you think I was there a what?
a 3pm matinee he did two shows in a day ah there you go yeah yeah yeah fine 3pm matinee but anyway I went in and I loved that venue but I was like I'm not gonna drink I'm not gonna drink and then my friend was like ah you will have a drink and I took two ah you wills and I said okay I'll have one drink and I was like I'm not hitting the hard stuff I'm not going for the vodka I'm gonna have a glass of champagne gorge
great and she's like oh we're gonna have to put that in a plastic cup and I said not great but I'll accept it's not the same even I and even I with the with the palette of a bin bag know that champagne and wine out of plastic not the same it's just not the same anyway so I was like you know what I'll treat myself have a glass champagne and if you're usually on a show you're like I'll get the bottle but my friend wasn't drinking champagne on the wine so I was like I'll get a glass champagne to my horror they started pouring it into a measure
A measure? The champagne. The champagne into, they measured my champagne and I was watching the bubbles empty from the measure. And then she poured it into the plastic cup where more bubbles left the champagne. Hold on. So she was pouring in, so she poured froth into a beaker for you. She poured it into a measure like you do vodka and then from the measure into the plastic cup.
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Chapter 3: What does Joanne think about making traditional meals?
Everyone else loved it, but they won't be seeing that again for another six to eight months because I don't really like pie. It's too, it reminds me of when my mom used to make us eat stew and that's why I think I don't like mashed potato either. I don't want to eat stuff like that, but everyone else loved it. So I made a chicken pie. I made a curry last night. I'm making something else tonight.
I'm on fire. I'm a trad wife. What happened that you decided to make a chicken pie?
I saw it on James Cavanaugh's boyfriend William's Instagram and I thought that looks absolutely delicious right yeah that's how social media works yeah and I just feel like I'm copying loads of people's recipes it started with fairy cakes remember we used to make fairy cakes but none of this bullshit like healthy fairy cakes I want the ones where you used to get the yogurt you'd pour the yogurt in then you'd fill the yogurt with sugar you'd pour the sugar in and it was kind of done like that yeah and I made those fairy cakes and they
are so good amazing and then I started and then I tried healthy banana muffins not good okay and so I'm just going through the list Sven was like why don't we get a cookbook and follow it like Julie and Juliet and I thought why don't you bring out a cookbook and I have enough shit going on I'm not bringing out a cookbook I'll bring out a microwave book a microwave book yeah yeah yeah
Put the chicken pie in the microwave.
I'll be bringing in an air fryer book. Actually, I won't even use that. I fucking... I have two drawers sitting on an Ninja air fryer and I've never... I tried to cook eggs in them. I've never touched it since.
I'm a trad wife. Also made a Brussels sprout salad there. I'm done. Good for you. Thank you.
What do trad wives do? Do you do it really slowly and then speak really suggestively and really fucking annoyingly on the air fryer?
Well, I was thinking I might do that.
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Chapter 4: How does social media influence perceptions of domestic life?
I do look at her Instagram and I'm like, I don't like... I'm all for... I really... I texted you when I went into a deep dive about her. I couldn't get out of the hole. I was watching her for over an hour. And I don't mind that, but I don't want people like... There's no way anyone's life is that perfect. I'm sorry, you don't have time to do all that.
Chances are he's cheating and she's probably got a yeast infection. Okay, yeah. Like nothing is ever the way it seems.
No.
And we all know that. I think we just accept now that social media is fake news, really. She's running a cooking show. Sorry, can we speak about speaking of fake news and people cooking? The thing that's got me through the entire weekend. What? I was kicking my tits off, but I spent most of the weekend watching. Apple Cider Vinegar and Hacks. I'm going to start watching Hacks. Hacks is brilliant.
Apple Cider Vinegar is a Netflix show about it's a series about Belle Gibson who is an Australian influencer who we've spoken about before. Yeah. who basically faked cancer to set up a kind of cookery app and healthy eating. And she said that she cured her brain tumours through kind of healthy eating and good lifestyle and juicing, basically, like through cabbage.
She basically said she fucking cured it through blueberries and cabbage. And she was raising money for kids that never got it. And she was keeping it all herself. It was bad. It was...
so bad anyway so there was a series there's a six part seven part series about it on Netflix and it was brilliant because sometimes they don't do good jobs like Sweet Bobby the podcast was much better than the show the TV show was shit I think in comparison it didn't get into the nitty gritty whereas this was really really good I'd highly recommend it she is
so I'm sorry this new one is a six part series yes because they already had something about her which I thought was a really good watch as well but I haven't started watching this one this one is fake it's like a it's fictionalised it's not it's not a documentary it's like a fictionalised series but it's so good and do you know what I felt for her which I really didn't expect to feel for her I felt sorry for her she seems very troubled just very troubled I mean if you go do stuff like that it's really quite bizarre to be like that and then the interviews where they're like
bell your brother she's like well yeah things were hard because my brother's autistic they're like bell we just interviewed him he's very sure he's not autistic and she's like well yeah he has to say that like because you know that's what autistic people would say and then it comes to her brother being like I'm not autistic I'm not autistic it's also like stealing from charities and stuff like that and it's also like leading very ill people down a fake path where they're turning people were turning down treatment and stuff because they're like well look at bell gibson
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Chapter 5: What controversies are discussed regarding Munchausen syndrome?
What?
That was paranormal activity, Vogue.
Sixth Sense when the girl comes to him and she and is puking in a pot and she's like you're so right yeah sorry I was like no no no and Eminem rapped about his mom being munching as well did he yeah that's how I found out about it I found out all my news from Eminem from Eminem I totally forgot about your one who was yeah she was getting munched up in her room yeah Sixth Sense what a great film what a great twist what a terrifying movie I see dead people and then we don't want to ruin the end but
I'm sorry, if you haven't seen it, tough luck. Spoiler alert. Yeah, fine. Well, it's Bruce's dad. Anyway, sorry. Beep. That was a bit far, actually. Bruce's dad in the end. Turns out Bruce thinks the kid's dead. Turns out the kid's alive. Bruce's dad. Like folks said, if you haven't watched it at this stage. Tough luck. Tough luck.
Now, Titanic, what happens? Well.
does the ship go down in the end it's so long since I've seen it I don't know I might be mixing it with somebody else but I think that the ship goes down I think they saved the boat did they that's what I remember yeah how long was the movie for you 35 minutes my summary of films has to be questioned but I think they saved everyone in Titanic in the end I wrote poems for you both for Valentine's oh go on Jo's first Jo I wrote this for you thanks mate you haven't heard it yet no
Joe, roses are red, violets are blue. That sounds so familiar, actually. I made that one up. I coined that. Yeah, what are you saying? Okay. I coined that. No one's saying anything. Roses are red, violets are blue. I may not know your children's names, but I also don't know you. Nice. Very good. We've got that ongoing joke that I don't know you.
I wrote another one going, roses are red, violets are blue. Joe, who the fuck are you? Nice. I thought, no, let's bring the children in. It's Valentine's Day. It's fun. Vogue, I obviously wrote one for you. Okay. Her name was Vogue. She was a showgirl with yellow ribbons in her hair and a dress cut down to there. She did merengue and do the cha-cha.
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always turned to Barbie. Then it turns out someone else wrote something similar. Yeah, very similar. So I've written... I love it. You know that song. Her name was then. Yeah, Lola. Okay, so here we go. Rose are red. Violets are blue. I don't know. That was scrapped out. I realized that one wasn't. Here we go. Here we go. Rose are red. Violets are blue.
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Chapter 6: What lessons do they learn from their experiences?
My partner in ghosting. What are you doing for Valentine's Day?
Drinking in the bath like I do over here. It's lovely. Do you know what I want? I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I never did.
I want a hot tub for the balcony. Imagine we could hot tub. You already have a cold tub and a fucking sauna. I don't do the cold tub anymore.
You have a leisure centre going on in that place.
I said I don't like that. Do you know what I said to myself? I said to myself at the start of the year, I said, I don't like the cold and I don't like getting in that ice bath. I don't see any results from it and I'm not doing it anymore. And have I done it once? No. And I don't want to do it. Apparently it doesn't do anything for you.
I did put my face in it one day when I was very hungover but that did help. I must admit.
Very 2023. Yeah.
Had to do it.
Kate Moss does that apparently when she was getting ready for shows she would dip her face in a bowl of ice.
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