Joanne McNally
Appearances
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Gerold Farrelly, one of my nearest and dearest, who I'm on the road with at the moment for the pinafore tour, bought me a present of a Polaroid printer. This little Polaroid machine. Look, I'll show it to you. The Kodak one?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
The reason I would say he's very unhappy is because he's living with, He's not living an authentic, honest life. Maybe that's not why he's angry. Maybe he's an angry guy anyway. But he's like, can you imagine the stress of living a double, triple, quadruple octagon life?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
If they were tickety-boo, ticking along,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
without the mother knowing this information I yeah I'd be like I just stay out of it because he's obviously has needs that aren't being met by his wife if he's visiting gay sex sites wherever he's going where do they say he's going I don't know swingers swingers and gay the man the man clearly has sexual needs that aren't being met within his marriage and he's having them met elsewhere the wife it's not her fault she doesn't have a dick though
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
well, maybe the thing about it is, is that maybe he's underestimating her. Or maybe there was a conversation had between them and the wife, her mother was like, no, look, I'm not into swinging. So go do it yourself. Or maybe her mother has no idea. We won't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
The big problem is if he's being a dick on top of that behavior, then, then it's like you're, not only are you mugging off your wife, you're making her life miserable. You're patrolling your kids. You're being ratty in the house. I hate when someone thinks it's okay to take their mood out on a house full of people and you're all on eggshells. It drives me mad. It is the most selfish thing to do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
You can't just take your moods out on other people all the time. It's so mean and cruel. So in that case, I would say...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
So it's this Polaroid thing that he, you set it onto your phone. Now, you know that I'm technologically not I'm not tech savvy. You attach it onto your phone or whatever, or set it onto your phone with the Bluetooth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
mind without actually saying anything. If you're close to your mother, which it sounds like they are close to their mother, And if there's an opportunity to like have a glass of wine or have dinner or whatever, coffee, whatever, however you choose to communicate, I'd be like, do you ever think dad would have an affair? I just got this weird feeling that he might be up to something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Do you ever think? And if she's like dogged, no, absolutely not. I would just, I would sense it. I would sense it out. I would, I would feel it out. I would. And like, it's very hard going from... a woman not knowing anything about what her husband's doing to he might be having an affair to oh he's actually strung out on swinger websites like that's a big that's a big leap it's a big jump
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
This information probably needs to be spoon fed a little bit rather than it all coming in. Because that's, what's that website that was hacked and exposed?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
This is like the Ashley Madison documentary where these very quite, I would say, innocent, well, any Christian women, I assume, are kind of innocent, but they're probably the worst women.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Christian women and they were basically women if they thought they were living their Christian monogamous life and the next thing there was information that their husband was like wearing a strap on and getting pegged by a fucking horse do you know what I mean so like this information does need to be spoon fed a little it's a lot for her to take
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
The thing about it is, is the double family thing is, it's so sinister because you're, it's a totally different thing. It's a totally different portrayal. Sex to me, sometimes I change my mind all the time, but sex to me feels like it can be quite functional. Like, you know, it's just like a need that needs to be matched. But if her dad's a dick. that's a totally different situation. I'd fuck it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I'd rat him out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, yeah. And then you just send it photographs that you want to print. And I've been... Brenton, I can't get over the joy of what I've been doing all morning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, get some sort of professional mediator in. Because also, your mother might have this information. If your father's really controlling, your mother might not have the energy to leave. Do you know those people you're like, I actually just don't know how to get out of this. He's just going to make it so hard for me. Or she's like, I don't care. Let him do what he wants.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
You don't know how it would go. You don't know how it would go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Or he might just be like, yeah, this is what it is. This is what I do. What are you going to do about it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I can tell you this, this marriage, my lark. Sounds very full on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Feedback to us. Let us know how you're getting on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
You kind of gave every option of advice there, didn't we? Between get a mediator, do it yourself, plant a seed, tell her everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just cut them all off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
That's it for the bonus app. Thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe and keep sending your emails. Send your emails in with any queries you have to hello at mtgmpod.com because we are about two weeks away from qualifying as professional therapists. Yeah, Jo, I said it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
No wonder he drinks. No wonder he drinks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I was like, these are world-class photographs. Because Geroge had a scrapbook. And I could hear something buzzing in the dressing room. And I was like, what's he up to? So, of course, I burst in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
and I was like hoping to catch him doing something weird yeah and there he was printing off little stickers of me and him doing our sound checks and stuff and putting them in because Geralt he's so cute he's like a he does arts and crafts and stuff you know he's a gay man he's a gay man come on no he's a particular type of gay man I know a lot of gay men who aren't dealing in arts and crafts does he make jam does he make jam he's a jam maker isn't he
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
He does crocheting and he does mosaicing and all that stuff. Yeah, he's quite wholesome. What? He says that's why he's on the road with me because he knows I see a defibrillator and that he can resuscitate me if I... Because he's a trained paramedic. If I lose my mind. Oh my... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd want to see what this lad... He's like a really nerdy MacGyver. He has a tablet box that...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Well, Vogue, before we went live there... You were asking what the buzzing was.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
that he, I'd say now his Amazon carbon footprint is fairly intense. He has an Amazon tablet box and he has them all. He has a label maker. He labels it. So he has like ibuprofen, Imodium, beta blocker. Like he has it all labeled and stuff. So anyway, there he was printing off photos and he has a scrapbook and he puts them, he sticks them into the scrapbook.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
And the one thing I'm very bad at is gathering memories. And the one thing I'm very good at is losing things. And I lose memories also. And so I'm determined to document Penophile. I have no proof I ever did anything before at this moment in time. Except what's on my phone. I've all sorts of stuff printed out here. Do you remember I did the Psychopedia podcast when we were in America?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
There's me on the bike.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I'd say I'm six grand down in cartridges already. Do you know what one day I hope to achieve?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
That's only because you don't know how to get stuff on the cloud, Joanne. There's Gerald wearing my little eye patches that he wears sometimes when he's in. Look at this photo, look at this. That used to be, and I know, again, we're really annoying because I know this is a podcast and it's not visual. Do you remember my old hair?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Three and a half weeks, Jo. We have to move on. I have a lot more printing to do. I'll just charge.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Well, I don't know if they're that expensive. I feel like this is something that could be easily replaced.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
The devil's lettuce. The devil's lettuce is weed, isn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, you're like my friend James Cavanaugh. He can't bear raisins either.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Oh, no, I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't be dealing with that. Although I don't mind now. I've got a hobby. I've got a hobby now. Come and take pictures of my bum. I could document the whole pregnancy. Print them off. My tiny polaroid photos. Do you know what we need to do? The two month bump picture. They reach the side. They're like the size of a shredded wheat, I would say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I know. Why would you print that off? It's so bad. But do you know why? Do you know why? Because I said, this isn't a vanity project. This is memories. I mean, don't get me wrong. There's one of me here in a bikini in Cape Town as well. But I'm not a computer. Balance. Balance. Yeah, balance. Yeah, balance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Oh, good for you. You're like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City when she was on a bus and someone drew a dick on her head. Do you remember?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
oh if someone drew a dick in my mouth I wouldn't be happy don't do it it's really expensive don't encourage that head folk head Freudian slip there head do you remember they all went to the bus stop to see her bus drive past and then it splashed on her and Big made it no Big didn't turn up actually he didn't make it in time and her and the girls were drinking champagne and it drove it drove past and she had a dick in her head yeah so if anyone anyone who listens to the pod sees folks taxi please
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Vogue, I am so, I'm so proud of the two of us that neither of us suggested a vibrator. What are we, academics now?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
No, I'm not trying to say nature. Jesus Christ. I love to be a natcher, isn't it? I'm just one of those gals. I love a bit of natcher. Natcher. What's the natch? Bird watching. It's just bird. It's just bird perving. No, it's not. Pigeon fancy. People who are big into pigeons are called pigeon fanciers. Study of birds is called ornithology.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
You were almost there, really. I was close to a natcher. You were almost there if you had 12 speech impediments all stacked on top of each other.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
My news is I've been in Bury St Edmunds I've been in Colchester I've been in Ipswich Where else have I been Jo? Gloucester Gloucester Gloucester or something like that Been to Yeovil yet? No All the comedians seem to pop down to Yeovil Oh yeah there's a really nice room in Yeovil Yeovil's actually Me and Yeovil have an understanding It's quite a toxic relationship but I am going back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
I've been having a ball on the road. Having a ball, ironing out the show, adding bits here, taking bits out there. I love it. Are you getting tonight? No, I'm off tonight and then I'm in Norwich tomorrow. Oh, very nice. And then Nottingham. Yeah! I'm going to Nottingham.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Oh my God, my cleaner actually placed one on top of the Pilates bed while I was away, which is very embarrassing. I don't know where it fell out of.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Also, by the way, I'm still going interrailing to Europe. There's still tickets for like Copenhagen and Oslo and Berlin and loads of places like that if anyone's interested in joining me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, I don't want to pay the import duty, so I'm going to just take it from the source. Yeah, go take a hit. With consent, of course. With consent, yeah. I'll be there. I'll be rolling around that sperm bank. Sorry. Why bother with a sperm bank? Go ride rings around yourself. Yeah. Make it work well. But I'll need to be careful. I'm like, if you wouldn't mind just ejaculating into that lunchbox.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
And you'll be going over with a turkey baster.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
And place it into the freezer bag. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I know that's German. I'm going to the source of the hot sperm.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Nothing at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah, I'm going to cut. I think that's one of the Luke Reedy... Luke Reedy... I think that's a Luke Reedy, which is a bit of art that I have to come down and collect.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Is it hanging on your wall?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
A change of scenery. Who do I want to play this evening? I must get used to Pilates, but I don't do any exercise on it. What else can I do on it? No, but you know what the buzzing was, folk? What? You're not far off. Your first answer was the closest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Joe's drinking a beer with the greediness of a new father.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
What am I going to do? It's 1722. It's 9pm on a Friday night. Get the fuck up. We're going to high. Do you know that song, Joe? I love that song. Of course you don't. You're a new father. You don't know anything anymore. It doesn't matter. Jesus, you're really sucking that thing down, Joe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Okay. Get another one. Go on. Go on. I love this. I love when Joe loses it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Here we go. Here we go. Strap in. God, I just... Strap in. No wonder Joe's drinking. I know. He knew what was coming. Oh, I know what's coming.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Yeah. Well, he says he's dead. We don't know what men get up to. He's probably off living a double life in Burgheim.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My Dad has been cheating on my Mum for years..."
Would not surprise me at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me, the bonus episode with myself, Vogue Williams, and herself, Joanne McNally. Excuse me, Joe. Excuse me. We were right in the middle of a conversation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
it's not that's just how people argue he's just good at it all right next point I know but I can barely even apologize when I am wrong so I've put so much effort into into the I'm sorry but I'm sorry but I'm sorry but remember you I'm sorry that what I did made you feel like that but that's kind of your problem for feeling so I'm out yeah I've made my point yeah yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I put so much effort into building a relationship with his family, but he barely makes an effort with mine. I get he's a shy person, but I'm also extremely shy and still manage to build a relationship with his family. It's like he thinks dating me doesn't include the people I care about. Don't like that. I'm very family oriented. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
He has a habit of making me feel like I'm not affectionate enough, saying I don't kiss him or tell him how gorgeous he is enough. And it's wearing me down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
There's always someone that's more affectionate in the relationship. I'm not like a massively affectionate person, but I wasn't getting loads of hugs and stuff when I was younger. It just wasn't done in our house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
And the strangest part, the first thing he noticed about me most days isn't my smile or my mood, it's my underwear. He checks it every time. Checks it in what capacity? Well, he makes a comment if she's not in sexy underwear. I feel like more of an object than a... To top it all off, I'm anxious about our future.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
We're both very young, early 20s, and he seems very keen on moving in together despite me still being in college. No, I think that you're going to have to do a runner here. Every time the future conversation starts, I get so anxious and I just can't. That's exactly what we were talking about.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I've been considering going for my master's degree in a different country about three hours away, but he's passing comments and playing the victim saying it'd be too hard on our relationship and could ruin it. It's like I can't focus on anything without the weight of this hanging over me. I'm at a crossroads. Part of me feels like I need a break from the relationship to see how I feel on my own.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
But I also want to handle this with as much respect as possible.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
They're not even like fun red flags. They're like real bad red flags.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Controlling situations like that are never good. I used to go out with a guy who would like give out to me if I wore like a sports bra in the gym, you know, and I'd be like, what? He'd be like, look at you going around the gym like that. Yeah. And then I wasn't allowed to train at the same time. It was really weird.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
And then you're done and that's it. You don't do anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Back to us. Christ alive. Don't let him have the mic. Well, you wouldn't believe what's happened to me since this morning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
As I was chatting to you two this morning, I... Oh, she's digging in. Not my plane. Not my plane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
my train to Manchester and I love being on the train it's my favourite place I was wearing all my comfy clothes nothing fancy actually very unfancy like look at these runners I'm wearing my gym runners because I was like I'll save room in the case and wear the gym runners up and anyway it looked like shite
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
And I went... I was dying to go to the toilet, so I walked out of the train to the toilet and I saw a guy I used to date. I had to start talking to him. And he actually was very sound. But I was really embarrassed. You know when you know you look like shit and you're just like... I know. Oh, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Anyway, then I spoke to him when we got off the train and it was kind of fine. It was less embarrassing because it's the initial shock and you're like, oh, he's not my ex, by the way. Couple of dates, not my ex. And actually was a really sound guy. But yeah, I mean, it's just, it's a, you're like, oh, hello. I wish I, fuck, fuck it, fuck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Yeah. And then I had to go to the toilet again on the train. And I was like, I'd rather piss my pants, actually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I'd always put in a double E on a train, particularly if it's over two hours. Because I drink loads of fluids. I love that they make you tea on the train. And then if I'm in the cinema, also a double E. So I like to sit at the side of the row. So I'm not annoying anybody. I'm quite a nice person when it comes to not annoying people. Yeah. If I hop in an Aer Lingus flight, wee before we take off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I wee before we take off so I don't have to annoy anyone. I really consider these things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
A what? She's reading. A catheter. A catheter. A catheter. A catheter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
My room service is here. Hang on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Excuse me, by the way, I can hear you. This is not unrelatable. I've had to order my dinner because I'm working now and then I'm going straight to do rehearsals. Sorry if some of us want to eat and there's no caviar.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
yeah excuse me where's my diet coke I'm the most polite person you'll ever meet in your life you don't complain neither do I to be honest I couldn't be arsed would you like an email yeah well no you can't have one no not after that not after being so rude to me go on give us one go on go on just a little Brandon Courtney is staring at me in a pair of speedos I don't have long
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Have you even got yourself a pool noodle? You've really... She's not coming home any time soon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I have to say, I'd need some real fact checks on that there because I just, I don't, I don't know if that's true now. I have to be honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Have you noticed that I've put my hair in a ponytail? I'm thrilled at myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Okay. You can either have, is he a red flag or Grindr drama?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Yes. And I'm marrying him immediately.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
This is an interesting conversation. What are my red flags?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
That's what my book is about. It's literally just about why Joanne is a red flag.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Do you know what? I have. I've started trying to take at least two days off a week. And you know me, I'm always on holidays. I love going on holidays. So people shouldn't deny me that and give aid to me when I'm on holidays. Because it's going to continue. So you're really wasting your breath.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
What would you say my red flag is? I would say you're very disorganised.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Us, split in the middle, would be the perfect woman.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
very you like control you're very organized and me who's someone who is so unorganized that the fact that we don't actually scrap more is shocking to me but it actually says a lot about relationships you should go for somebody who's not like imagine I was with a hyper organized person I'd actually be really probably quite upset because I'd like well what can I organize because you've already organized you've taken my skill and used it now I've got nothing to do
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
no what I do is no your your side of the bed would be full of shit because what I would do is I pick up all I would pick up all your stuff and I just put it on your side of the bed so you'd have nowhere you'd have to sleep on the floor because then I'd be trying to get you to put it away that's how I get the kids to tidy I'm like I wouldn't go to bed because I'm like I can't go down there again like it's I just I can't fake it anymore because I'd be on the couch
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Excuse me, I'd be like, I don't want her anywhere near me until she gets one of those goofy nails.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Okay, okay. We're reading the email. It is called the Grindr one. Ladies, I need to tell someone this but can't, so emailing you. Keep me anon. Last Friday at dinner, I thought I clocked Grindr app on my boyfriend's phone. Bastard. We're doing long distance for two months while I buy a house. I came back up on Sunday. Instead of calling it out in case I was wrong, I installed Grindr app.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
You know that director who just died, David Lynch?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
And favourited, this is very Lily Allen, isn't it? A blank profile that came online near his house just after I left. I parked in the street and he came online like clockwork.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Like a mad bastard, I've spent all week correlating the online Grindr profile status and it fits perfectly with his routine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
How is this for revenge? Oh my God, it's so sad for him. He's coming to visit me Friday night. I've booked a lovely hotel. He's thrilled and thinks he's going to have a lovely time paid for by me. What he doesn't know is that when he arrives, I'm going to make him comfortable. Pour him a wine and then immediately tell him I know he's a cheating writer slut.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
And then I'm going to kick him out onto the street at 9pm on a winter Friday night after a 250 mile journey. I hope he's just been paid trying to sort a hotel last minute on a weekend. Some may say it's spiteful. I say it's taking back the power. I actually think that that's not so bad of you. I don't even think that that's bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Yeah, you deserve that. I'm amazed that you were able to hold it in. This is where my problem is. I explode immediately over anything. And then I'm like, I wish, and you go back in your head, I wish I'd done something like you're doing. We've no, we've no law.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
What have I been cheated on real bad? Yeah, actually lots of times.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
I'd love to though, thinking back to the times I've been cheated on, I'd love to have actually found out when I was going out with them. I just would have loved that. I don't know. Because you stick around for so long and you're just like, what? Why the hell?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
Please keep me in on, but I need your help because my relationship is turning into a whirlwind of guilt, confusion and way too much attention on my underwear drawer. Here's the story. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and lately things just feel off. He's great in some ways, but there are a few patterns I can't shake.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm anxious about our future."
One, every disagreement somehow ends with him guilting me into feeling like I'm the bad guy and apologising for something even when I know I'm not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I'm giving out about this tiny bit of hair loss at the front of my hair, which I'm, you know, going like, what am I going to do? And it's so small. It's like, it's so insignificant. So I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose all your hair. Of course he's trying to hold on to the little bits that he has left. Of course he is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
to say... It was like, do you know what? I'll compare it to... And it's a weak comparison. When I had really long hair down to my arse, do you remember?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
And I did nothing with it. It did nothing for me. I never styled it. I was really lazy. Like, it was just a big wall of hair. But because it was unusually long and I got people kind of remarking on it, I kind of felt like having really long hair was my thing. But it wasn't. I just kind of decided it was. And my friend, Áine, was like, I think... you should cut your hair off. And I was like, what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Kind of a 180. Has a cookery show coming out with his brother. Very sound guy. Oh, and the piece de la resistance. Oh, yeah. Amy Lou Wood. No. I'm sorry, Vogue, but yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
It's my thing. And she was like, it's really not. It doesn't suit you anymore. It's a waste of time. Just fucking cut it off. And I did. And it was the best thing I ever did. Maybe this man needs to be gently advised. Be like, do you know what? I understand what you're doing. I understand this must be really difficult, but you're doing yourself no favours here. Why don't you give it a go?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Shave it off and commit to being a shaved headed, sexy, hot lad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
It is, but I do sometimes feel like you need to be pushed by the people who love you when it's coming from a good place. I do. I feel like sometimes you go, you have to be like, I know what you're doing, but I'm telling you now, you're going to look back and regret that you held onto this face for so long. Just commit. It is what it is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Do you know that I, I was going out with a lad before who told me a very funny story about his father had a... Ball patch. No. Oh, a toupee. No. A curl around. What are they called? Oh, yeah. Calm over. Oh, they're the worst. A very extensive one, right? And I don't, I know, I don't mind, I don't mind calm overs because I know what they're doing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
They're just trying to like, I know, but like, we're not bald. We don't, you know, they're just trying to use what they have. I feel like a calm over makes you look more bald than being bald. Some of them are quite good. But anyway, he had this calm over. It wasn't great. It was like 19, it was the 80s, you know. He was, you know, brushing forward to cover what wasn't there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
And his wife said that she would trim it for him. And he had it like all kind of curled up, like into a walnut, like in the centre of his head. And his wife was like, I'll trim it for you. Like, I'll kind of tidy it up. And he went, oh, thanks, Emile. And she cut it off. Fucking cut the whole thing. She just cut the whole thing off. Fair play. And he was going mad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
And then, yeah, because she'd obviously just had enough. And she was like, no one's going to do this. This is the emperor's new clothes. This is fake news. This is a false sense of security for this man.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah, but this was before there was the options there are now with all the hair transplants and all that jazz. Yeah. I know, I think it's a very sensitive issue. But I do think a bit of tough love and be like, dude, we have to move on to the next phase of our lives now. The bun threw me, to be honest. The bun threw me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Chop it all off. I'll buy it. I love extensions. Vogue loves extensions. And then offer something in return. You know, be like, if you chop it off, I'll give you six anals.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I just, I really feel for men losing their hair. I thought it was worth six anals, but if it's not...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Don't you dare. When me and Joanne get it on, that's all she wants. That's all she wants. You have to do anal because your mouth's so big they don't even feel anything off a blowjob. You have to give blowjobs with your arse because your mouth's too big. Yeah. Thanks, guys. See you next week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
We're best friends. In fact, Vogue, I have some bad news for you, but you're out and she's in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Oh my God. Have you downloaded the latest episode of Go Fuck Yourself, Vogue Williams? Because it's a podcast on me and Amy Liu and what we're doing together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah, jobless Vogue. Yeah, no, she's fab. She's actually fabber than I thought. Like, I thought she was going to be fab. I did not deny. Like, I knew she was going to be fab, but she's even fabber.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Did you just get the nails done? I got the nails done because I was doing the Jonathan Ross show last night. And who was on it with you? Well, oh, what a lineup. Go on. She says about herself. No, I'm joking. I'm removing myself from this. I'm not being like, Well, weren't they lucky to have me? So, line up was, Jonathan was there. Oh yeah, of course. Would you believe? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
This is why I still have two disco buns kind of half hanging out the back of my head under the personal glasses on. I was like, shots! And you can see Amy being like, oh God, you're a shot girl. Oh no. Oh no. I don't really know you as a shot girl. It's just when you get to a point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a new thing I'm trying. It might stick, it might not. I don't know. What kind of shots?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Anything. Oh no, Joanne. Could be fucking toilet water. I don't care. I just want the... I just love the sense of occasion that a shot brings.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, fair, fair. And she's a huge fan of the podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
That is the least of our worries, Vogue. The point is that me and Amy Lou Wood are best friends and I don't know how you're going to handle it, but you're going to have to figure it out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Do you know what as well? What? What? I'm a huge White Lotus fan. Huge.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I kept my chill. Well, I woke up this morning and she's now following me on Instagram. So I don't know. I don't know what you want to do with that vocal. God damn it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be the bearer of awful tragic news for you. That is like I'm not. Do you know what? I'm not even happy for you. No. No, I'm not. I won. You lost. I'm jealous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Now it's your turn to go out into the world and bring us back someone famous and sound because I'm out here. I'm flat out doing it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Well, you did a very thirsty shout out for Sharon Horgan and we haven't heard anything from her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
If she'd come in, I'd be like, it was gas the way we did a call out for Sharon Horgan to come into our lives. But she didn't come in. So I'm like, oh, Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Are they in the White Lotus? No. Does anyone care? No. It's all about the white loudest now, Vogue. If you're not in the white loudest or talking to someone from the white loudest or watching the white loudest or dreaming about white the loudest or talking about the white loudest, you're nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
It's like, oh, it's so nice that you're wishing for like, what is it? World peace. You're like, oh yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah. I think for now, right? World peace, but like on a yacht.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Turns out he's fully involved in his own show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Anyway, you can't top Amy Lee Wood. There's no topping her. So the only way to top Amy Lee Wood is were you to go to St. Bartholomew's and come back with... Demi Moore. I'll take Demi Moore. Demi Moore, Tina Fey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Yeah. No notes. Stephen Fry, who I've wanted to meet all my life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
You'd be tagging yourself in the fucking Battersea coffee shop, whatever that place is, with Tina and Demi and I'd be like... That little bitch. Don't worry, that is coming, my friend. That is coming. And I'd be in an Uber in minus 30 seconds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I'd be like, she's down there in Battersea Park with Demi Moore and The Substance and she didn't even ring me. And now she's going to live forever. What?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I have actual news. Apart from being best friends with Amy Lewitt. Okay. Sure. Try. Try if you want. Try and have news.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I'll just sit back and relax and wait for you to ruin it. I might send a little box of champagne up to Duance. Maybe a bag of edibles. Enjoy that for the afternoon, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Stephen is a Joyce-arian and I mean, I know I don't. screaming from the rooftops about it, but I would say the American term is major in Ulysses in my degree in English. So I whipped that out of the bag with Stephen Fry. He was not expecting that. I was like, Ulysses? I've had it twice, mate.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Trying to roofie me into doing something insane.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
It's all happening in Clapham. As I told my new best friend Youngblood last night backstage of the Jonathan Rock show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
He's like, clapping man, it's a vibe. And I was like, it's not really, it's just close to Gatwick. I was like, I can't even, I'm not even going to pretend there's anything happening here. But if you move here, Vogue, stop. So would this be like a kind of run the house into the ground and start again vibe?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
You could buy that house with the cash in your knicker drawer. I'll tell you what, that is what I'm going to 11.11 tomorrow. You don't need to sell anything. Bye, bye, bye, baby. Bye, bye, bye. Just take the cash out of your console in your car.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Oh, right. I love that that's how we qualify for something free. Hello, you're back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
hello you back sure pal do you know though so I am moving into my cycling era and when I say cycling I have a peloton which I do love and use but I've decided I might want to start cycling outside the kitchen you're going to love it it's a wild pivot I'm thinking there could be a time maybe now's the time to cycle in the outside rather than in the underside Give it a go. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
So we had spoken about maybe potentially getting bikes. Anyway, a lot of my new show, Pinafile, is about talking about how hideous I find foldable bikes. I'm still working on an overall theme. Okay. At the moment, it's very much about foldable bikes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
And how I can't watch a man fold a bike. It's just not something I can do. I just can't get behind it. Anyway, company emails yesterday. Did you get this email offering us two foldable bikes? And I went, hold on a second. These are not as bad as I thought.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I did. I did, Vogue. Are we doing this? Are we getting matching foldable bikes? Is this where we are?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Let's get foldable bikes. Well, I mean, we flagged that two and a half years ago. We flagged that about three weeks after this podcast started. We are wildly hypocritical, as is the human condition. There's no point fighting that. Do we stick to our guns?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
He was not expecting me to take him on over James Joyce. So that was fun. Yeah. Who else? Come on. I was like, I was like, Blame's Day. Been there three times, buddy. It was like, it was the whole thing was gone. Youngblood, that lad. Yeah. Sexy vibe. Great guy, loads of energy, little rock and roll star. Big Zoo, who I have, the last time I did Jonathan, I was on Big Zoo also. So that was nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
Not really. I'm gunless and ready to fold, is what I'm saying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
But will the basket fold? That's my question. Will the basket just sit? It'll be a removable basket. Fully formed on top of the foldable bike. How does it work? Who knows? Anyway, we'll soon find out. Who's going to fold your bike?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I think we're doing this. I'm so lazy. I'm going to try and figure out if it'll still go unfolded because there's going to be times where I won't want to fold or unfold. We'll never fold it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I see. Now you're trying to embarrass me with my bits and bobs, like my harness and my selfie stick. And do you know who won't embarrass me? Amy Lee Wood. So I will ask her if she's interested in folding a bike with me at the weekends.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
How is that even physically... What's the science? Is it a real man bun? Is it kind of... Is it straw? Is it kind of like he's taken the four remaining hair follicles and kind of...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
That's going to have to be. I feel so bad for men losing their hair. I do. I think I feel so bad for them. And obviously not all men. Not all men can afford to head off on Turkish hairlines and get a whole new head.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Fu** you, Vogue"
I know a lad, two hair transplants, neither of them took. He's balder now than when he started. Isn't that terrible? God love him. And poorer. Yeah. And like 20k down. I actually don't know how much it costs. I don't know. It must be cheaper in Turkey. That's why they're all going. I'm not sure. It's that thing of, and look, we say this from a position of haired privilege.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
There's a lot to unpack, a lot to unpack there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, the first boyfriend, it's his first relationship. So he doesn't know what he's doing, right? And no one knows what they're doing in their first relationship. You have to learn as you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, but he has no reference point. He has no context. This is all he knows, right? So maybe he's not getting what he needs either, but he doesn't know. He just thinks this is what it is. And it sounds like it's kind of plodding along, doesn't it? I plodded.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, but she's plodding. She's plodding along with the first guy. the first guy is not the right relationship for either of them. The second guy is a, is a, is a kind of a sexy situationship.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
But I just like to know which one's causing the problems.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Sorry, what I meant was a sexy situationship for him. As I say, situationships, situationships are very, they're never an equal situation. There's always one, I've, in my personal experience, there's always one who would like to kind of fold it into something more serious. That's my experience of it anyway. And I'm usually that person. I'm usually that one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
all I can do is crop up to be boring and offer the advice which is that medically you're not supposed to turn in an alcohol that's not a good thing don't do that do you I'm sorry Joe do you actually know that or are you just saying that I just googled it and the NHS says don't do it they're always saying shit like that they tell you not to do anything it's the system they just don't want you to have a good time it's the man it's the conspiracy theory it's the lizard people it's Scientology it's all that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'm clipping up Prosecco now putting it online anyway that's a different story yeah I've given up on the dream that Netflix are going to buy it I have to accept that they're not so we need to move on I actually cannot bear that you don't put up the clips it drives I have to put up clips you have to but I have to now because I'm trying to sell this European tour and my agent's like Joanne how do you because I'm like oh it's not going as fast as I thought and he's like yeah because there's no clips online you've no clips because I was holding Prosecco back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Anyway, whatever about that, the clips are going up soon. But neither of these relationships, she's not going to get what she needs from either of these men, from what I can tell. One's just plotting and the other, she's too invested and he's never going to commit to her by the sounds of it. She needs to protect her peace and get out of that. She needs to get out of the two of them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
but I always am hoping for the romance at the end I'm always wanting it being secretly in love with the father of your child who is obviously you've great sex you've built a kid together but he won't commit to you and he's probably sleeping with other people that sounds like a low level kind of hell to me this is this woman needs needs to address this stat you'll just because you will just plot along in love with him for the rest of your life
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
And you can't get rid of them because you've got a kid. I don't know what the solution here is. I do. What? Oh yeah. I do. Tell them. That's what I would do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
You're like bringing it all to the table. You're like cards on the table, real talk. This is how I feel. How do you feel? And he's like, well, if he's like, I don't want to commit, I'm still in the same boat. Then you're like, well, we need to cut this off then because I'm very invested in this. And if he is a sound guy, he will.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
If he's not a sound guy, he will just keep riding you and leading you on basically. It's like keeping you there, giving you enough rope to kind of keep you there. But he's never going to give you, he's never going to like tie you to the fence. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I think that's the first time we've ever, yeah, we actually gave all right advice that time. I was more pleased with the analogy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Congratulations, guys. After four years, we've done it. God, look at us there. Are we chartered? Are we qualified? It's so grown up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Send her the bill, Jo. Yeah. What are we? 250 an hour?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Just randomly zooming into people's sitting rooms telling them to leave their husbands. I'd love that as a job. That sounds like, I'm telling you, if comedy doesn't work out, I would go into life coaching. Unqualified. Yeah. Well, there you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Life coaching. I feel like I'd be good at that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Man or woman? Man. Gay or straight? Gay. Garoude? No. Brandon? Brandon? Yeah, he's looking great at the moment. He's looking great, Brandon. No! Brandon Courtney's looking great. He's looking great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Vogue, why at this barbaric time in the morning have you got a full face of makeup? Why are you showing me in show up?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, he'd be delighted to hear that now. He's going, he's having a glow up. I actually said to him last night, I was like, you look amazing at the moment. What's going on? He's like, I don't know what it is. He's just got an energy about him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Do I look happy at the moment at 9am with no makeup on? How happy do I look?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
You do. We've discussed this before. I think the black under eye is a little bit sexy. If you don't watch yourself, I'll be dreaming about you and me in the bath. You better keep that under eye concealer on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Trying to work. I can't be erased this early in the morning. I like that kind of heroine-y, cheeky, under-eye thing. I'm glad. I'm glad. Especially as you age, your under-eyes are the real danger zone. I see my under eyes there. You don't have any under eyes. Do you know why? Because I was in with Dr. Ewan again. I have more fish sperm in my face than an aquarium cum brothel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
If in some other planet there's fish, it's run by fish and there's a brothel. in one of their fishy towns. I have more fish semen in my face than that fish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
yeah but it takes when you get a bit when you get the kind of tweakments it does take you don't look fresh straight away usually it can take a little day like for example the fish sperm kind of gathers in like for all intents and purposes tiny testicles under the skin And then you have to kind of roll it out a little bit. Because I said to you and put in... Because there's different layers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
And because my body breaks down stuff quicker for some reason. I don't know why. I hate that. Yeah, I know. I know. Some people you can put a little juice in their face that lasts for ages. And other people it just doesn't last as long for some reason. I don't know why.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Since what time have you been flexing since? It's 9am.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Really? Are we going to do it? I'd love to do that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'd love that. When I get dementia, do you know what the scary thing is? No one will even notice. I'll be left to live alone independently throughout the whole thing. Because no one will notice. Because I have the worst memory. It's weird. I've had like a sieve.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Ah, yeah. Sometimes I have to reread because I'm like, Joanne, you're not focusing. You have to reread, look at the words. Sometimes I'll underline things to kind of really try and get the cogs clicking because I'm like, come on now, focus. Once I get this ADHD diagnosis, everything is going to change, okay? For you as well, to you. You're not even going to know me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, your man, well, Dr. Obie, my new best friend, emailed me again last night going, are you going to finish that paperwork or...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I think it's less ADD it's more can't be arsed it's CBA you've got CBA that's a very 80s mother approach to neurodiversity vogue I don't think you have it I don't appreciate your pull up your socks attitude okay I'm here for the Ritalin so if you can keep your opinions to yourself Adderall yeah yeah yeah exactly that's the one that's the one I'm telling you once I get that once I get that Adderall you won't be able to sleep
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I've got the Mellotown and the Negronis for that. It's going to be quite the rollercoaster. I hope I don't go full Roseanne Barr on all this stuff and lose my mind and start tweeting loads of mad shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Between the hours of 1am and 5am, I'm actually a raving racist. And then I wake up just like a normal person again. Jo, you need to keep an eye on my Twitter thread. You wouldn't know what, I don't know what this concoction's going to do. By the way, I'm joking. I'm not on anything at the moment. Which is probably more of a concurrence. Look at the sincerity in her eyes, okay? I'm not on, we know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, you know yourself now, people will be like, Joanne, you can't be, that's really irresponsible to be promoting. Because they think that anything you say, and this is your promoting, it's like, I'm actually not technically promoting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
promoting it I'm just saying it's something that is going to be in my life fingers crossed if I fill out the fucking paperwork John I've got I've got some news that's going to inspire jealousy within you oh no Russell Tovey's straight and you banged him
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Well, I had last night, I'm in a hotel in Dublin. I'm back for some bits. And I had a very delicious Negroni and a melatonin that I got off the shelf in America last night.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I store points when I think about it. But I got so many flights around the States.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'd be in the White House at this point. I did so many American flights. Internal. Domestic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Let the record show. I have been in the airport, the Aer Lingus. I'll get you in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I was a guest of somebody else. And then another time I tried to pay my way in, but I was flying with another airline. They're like, that's not how it works, baby. You have to be flying with Aer Lingus. No, you can pay in, but you have to be flying with Aer Lingus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I just assume it's like Aer Lingus pilots kind of massaging feet and kind of you're getting loads of very hands-on, not in a sexy way, just in a very service way. And then loads of free booze, loads of free food, Irish food, like coddle and what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
This is fucking... I have been in lounges, okay?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Come here. Do you know what? Can I use your card or whatever?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, no one knows the difference between the two of us anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Yeah, they'll be like, oh, it's one of them. It's one of them in drag. I don't know which one of them is. Just let them in. Let her in. We never know. We're too embarrassed to ask. Do you know what? Okay, so Vogue, you're in with Aer Lingus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
well well well to say I slept Jesus but I was having and I know we're not allowed to talk about dreams because they're so boring they're so boring but I just have to because I feel like my inside I dreamt all night that I was being chased by a tarantula
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
yeah she's dressing for the job she wants so funny I know listen Vogue next time you're in grab us a couple of those crackers will you and I'll get them off you next time in London Of course I will. Let's make the most of this place. Let's make them bring in a bag. Bring in like a little sports bag. Let's rinse that place.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
A bedtime favourite is something slightly different. I'd like to turn down a bedtime favourite if that's okay. If I'm the one doing it. If I'm receiving a bedtime favour, I would turn it up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
He's gay, but he says himself, he's like, I'm very drawn to attractive women. He said it himself. I was like, yeah, I think that's why gay men love straight, pretty women. And it's a collaborative. We love the male energy without any strings, you know. Because you know me, Vogue, any man I'm friends with, it's a slippery slope for them. Remember?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
I'm like, we can see what's happening, Jo, and we don't appreciate it. Step into the hallway, please. Sort yourself out. Relax. I'm just trying to live my life. I'm just trying to live my life. Take a breath. Just take a breather. Okay. Would it help if you saw me from the left-hand side, Jo? That's not my best angle. Would that help? Don't bother.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Okay. Now, Focus just talked about robbing rice crackers out of the airline with Clarence. I think we're all... It's not robbing. I have access to that. You've been driving in from Houth and all to see the car pulling up in Dublin Airport. All her minions, all the staff. She's like, go, go! Like Ocean's Eleven. in the Orleans lounge is rinsed. There isn't a cracker in the airport left.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
And I was trying to hit, it was going in the walls and it was lumpy. I could see it's like, it's out body outline on the walls and I was trying to, it was horrible. What's that about, Jo? What's that about? Yeah, Jo, what is it? Is it the melatonin or the Negroni, Jo? Which is it? Because I'm not going to lose either of them. I'm just going to keep going.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
Oh, this isn't okay. I'm entitled. I'm a silver member. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Don't judge me."
She's one of the cabin crew in the boot of the SUV. She's like, I'm entitled. I'm a platinum member. She works for me now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me, with me, Joanne McNally, and my two... Comrades.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Joe, so you've had the baby, that's why you're back. Okay, well now I know that he's definitely had the baby because he's back. I wasn't sure if he was off because he hadn't had the baby yet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
So do I. Mine's written me in ages. It'd be nice to know Celestial me has gotten it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I assume from him as opposed to from her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
No, I think it's from him. I don't find that that unusual. I don't think that's that. I mean, if you're going back, like that's kind of what you're going back to see. So he's, it's the preamble.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Hold on a second now. We need to unpack this. So basically, he gaslit her into saying he had a huge dick when he actually didn't have a huge dick. But he was like, you don't know what you're seeing because actually it's really big. I think he had a micro penis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Oh, well, he's on the roids. He's probably on the roids. That's what it is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
God loved them. God loved them. God bless God bless them I remember I was with the lad he was very well hung and of course it's always a nice surprise when they don't when they haven't built you up to it do you know what I mean they just reveal and I was like Jesus fair play and he goes yeah I'm very blessed very blessed very blessed I'm very blessed very blessed You are indeed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
That was my PA. Anything that goes wrong now is Lauren. She's in everything. Yeah, she's in everything. It's all Lauren.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
You're very blessed. Very blessed. Very blessed. Fair play to him. He was from Dublin, obviously. Very blessed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Jo Jo I will get you back but I got you in the last time as well so I hope this is the end of the babies now because you know no more babies now mate that's it final baby brand and you can re-gift them all to me when I have my solo surrogate child girl whenever Coddle Markovich arrives on the scene
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Listen There's a lot to be said For a disco tit And I I think you have a great Set of disco tits I'm only saying Gift yourself a set of tits Because you talk about it a lot That's all I know but that's why I think you're I think you're perfect Just as you are Interesting Everyone's perfect as they are Except for Andrew Tate And Conor McGregor But everyone else is fine And Putin and Trump Everyone else is great
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
What was it? Did I laugh over what happened?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
That's so funny. That's so funny. I would say that Michael...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
was attracted to this woman this is my version of he's just intimidated and then he was attracted to her and he couldn't trust himself because he's a married man he was like oh god if this I would love a Riverdance massage from this woman so that's why he blocked her that's what I would say possibly I'm going to go look at Michael Flatley now I think I might follow him it's so funny when I was in when I was over in New York I went back to a house party and within an hour of the house party I had the house party I had Riverdance up on the TV and I had everyone watching it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I mean you have to show off being Irish you have to show off Rivertown so everyone loves it I woke up and I was like oh god Jesus Christ because no one there loved it as much as I did do you know what I mean so I was like oh god they're all trying to look at their phones I'm like look at the chamber
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
We could have some really good names Like you could call it What's my favourite No I'm not telling you in case In case I have one And then I steal it Did you see there was some story going around Some celebrity They broke A girl and a guy broke up And the guy got a dog And called it the girl's favourite baby name Oh There were these Do you know there's loads of celebrities in America That you've never heard of Yeah It was one of those It was one of the Mormon moms Or one of the housewives Oh I love that spite
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I can't bear a sing-along. I can't bear it. I can't bear a sing-along.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Jo, we've come to the end of the podcast. We said you'd do the goodbye. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready, yeah. Let's count you in. Have you cleared your throat? Have you done your voice exercises? Lillilally, lillilally, lillilally, lillilally. Okay, I'm going to count you back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Joe! Joe, I'm sorry, just to, it's not hello, it's hello, just hello. Hey, there is an H there, yeah, drop that one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Well done. From everyone, not from the West country or wherever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Thank you. That's really good, Joe, well done. Bye-bye, goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
But it really made me laugh, even though it's really mean.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Oh, is that why she's always in the pedigree chum? She's been reincarnated. She's always barking. She's always barking horrors at adults. Do you know what my favourite baby name is? If I don't go down the traditional route of Coddle Markovich, it'll be... I love the name Stella, but sadly the beer has ruined it. But I love the OG Stella.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I don't mind sharing a name with a dog. I have friends whose dogs are called Brendan and stuff. It's fun giving dogs adult human names.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Do you reckon we'll ever let Jo introduce himself? Yeah, Jo, why don't you? Oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Joanne. I mean, no one in their right mind. Vogue. No one in their right mind is calling their kids Joanne or Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
This sounds like you did ayahuasca and you chatted to yourself under a mother moon because I don't believe for a second there's another person in the world called Vogue except for the magazine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
It actually took me a second to get because I have to hold one of these giant green water tanks because I've obviously fallen victim to the pressure and the trend of drinking 19 kilos of water a day. I love that trend. It's my favourite trend.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Apparently, according to my beauty sources, because you know I take beauty and skincare very seriously. Collagen, ingesting collagen has no impact on anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Does your stomach acid not just dissolve all this shit away?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Of course, it would. Would it actually?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Bit of news, bit of news, bit of fashion news. Go on. I don't know how I missed this. Topshop is coming back. I missed it. Did you hear this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
The shop, I know, but it is a genuine comeback. It's not like when Madonna disappears for six months and then comes back and they call it. This is a genuine comeback. All the shops went. There was no physical, physical purchasing of Topshop available. There was on ASOS, I am telling you. No physical, so I mean like going into a shop. Going into a shop, yeah. Yeah, there was no shop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
But I find that when Topshop went, I was kind of glad to see it go because they'd gone very boring. Topshop used to be kind of cutting edge. I mean, as cutting edge as high street fashion could be. And then it kind of went, it got very boring. Kind of like what's happened to Zara, to be totally honest. You go in there and they just want to take a nap.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Zara used to be... I don't remember the last time I've been in Zara.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
it's all just beige fucking vanilla stuff now whereas it used to be kind of there was like it's just very office-y corporate shit now whereas it used to you'd go in there for like it's not really my vibe anymore which is a shame because I still go in there sometimes for nostalgia just do a lap of the shop to feel like I'm at home but anyway Topshop's coming back and I'm really really hoping
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
They're going to bring something interesting to the market here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
yeah they'll have to do some top tier PR that like Topshop they have so much money I mean I'm surprised they didn't send Kate Moss to space with the rest of the girls as a kind of a launching of Topshop that was a missed opportunity in my personal ex-publicist opinion but there you go
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
But you know why that is? I can tell you why that is straight away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Because her mother holidays 360 days out of the year. So all she sees is maman in a bikini. So that's all she knows. She doesn't. She hasn't seen maman fully dressed in a very long. She hasn't seen maman fully dressed in a very long time. She's a St. Barth's baby. Of course she's not going to be wearing. Of course she's going to have her navel on show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
at the hole about to take a shot in a little belly top and shorts and she was like mortified that I'd gone to the golf club like that they have quite they're quite conservative up in the golf clubs aren't they too much sure there's some golf clubs that are only men how boring I know don't want to see their bellies my mother Pat has just retired from the golf she rang the other day to say she's retired from the golf
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
she's retired from the physical golf but not the social side of things she's still going to go for coffee with the women but she said I said well why did you retire from the golf you loved it she goes I didn't I didn't I said she goes I never got good at it she's been doing it years and she's like she didn't she didn't That's the perfect example of really giving it a go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Sorry, she's been at it years and she said she didn't improve at all. Yeah, so she's finally giving it. She's giving it. She's giving it. She's tapping out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Yeah, she's going to go to the Christmas parties and the events and stuff, but she's not going to actually hold any of the golf clubs anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Golf is... And it's a nice, pleasant little light sport, I suppose. I know. One of my friends was saying, he's a male...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
yes okay he's one of the other ones and he was saying that he has friends who before they got married they knew they were going to be marrying these these women and they basically kind of set the bar that they were like look I'm a big golf person even though they weren't and then they started playing golf so that they could fuck off for nine hours a day on the weekend it's to be honest with you it's kind of unacceptable it's too it's a good six hours to get around an 80 and like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
It is. It's got a Final Destination vibe, doesn't it? It's like, well, it's for the older generation. Well, it's not actually, but a lot of them do take it up. Like, that's why Pat took it up when she was about to retire. She was like, I'm going to need to have something to do. And it's not a particularly fast-paced sport, so you don't need to be in your prime and you can kind of like trot around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Do they have great golf courses? I dated a golfing guy once and he took me out to golf. I was doing the golfing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
And uh The driving range probably No no no no It was on It was around the little mounds Around the little courses And um I I was I had no strategy as such I'm just like And the amount of grass Flying and fuck me Like The place Looked like the moon By the time I was done There was just craters Everywhere Because I I just felt like It was better To go with force Because
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Rather than strategy as such. But when I did hit it, it went really far. And it only went backwards once. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I mean, I guess it's not fair to my kids to wait six months for their Christmas presents. I'm working on, I have them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
Yeah. He just finds me in the sand tune, tanning my back. He's like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it until it was over.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I'll see you there. I'll see you on the course. I can't do anything until I find my whoop. I've made that decision for myself. I can't do any exercise until the whoop re-emerges from America. I can't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
I haven't lost the whoop. It just hasn't emerged yet. I'm just waiting for it to naturally show itself. I'm not going to rush it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
But I'm not doing any exercise until the whoop is back on my wrist because I don't want to waste the data.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was the reddest flag."
moving on did you bring your case back did you leave a case there no I just brought back no I just had like loads of jackets on me and all just landed shoes on every hand and all didn't bother with the cases hey girls it's important we all stay up to speed with dating trends dating language and everything else so I had to share this 100% 100% 100% yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
He had slacks on. He had slacks on his shirt. I was watching it. I was watching Susie Ruffell, who's a comedian. I was watching her, her Insta. Yeah. And she was saying that like, she knew she was lesbian when she was watching the Titanic. She went like seven times to see Kate Winslet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
My other children are much older, but if I had toddlers too, I imagine this would have taken much longer this time around. If you make your field values and appreciate it, I'm sure the sex will come back. That's one reason, but there could be other reasons as well. Who's this ninja? She seems to know what she's actually talking about. She's a professionally trained psychologist, I think. Whoa!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I am blown away. What's her email? Send her to me. I have loads of questions for her. I do think that that is very true because like I would be like, I work, but I do all the household stuff as well. And sometimes it does feel overwhelming and it's nice. Like when Spenny goes, like last night, he just went and took the dogs for their last walk. Like he always does it, but I didn't have to ask.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
And I was like, oh, that's good that he's gone and done that now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Oh, domestically, I love you so much, Joanne, but yes, I would agree with that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
You're on mute, Vogue. You've touched your mic, I think. Do you not think the pod would be better if I just kept my mic on mute now?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
But then she was like, when the Spice Girls came out, we all just loved like Sporty Spice because like, we just like, it was like our culture. It was like tracks and columns. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Well, Amber told me something about lesbians that I didn't know before because we were doing our pod. Amber's doing our pod now. And there was a girl who wrote in and she was a lesbian. She was like, I really like this girl, but she's got a really, really long nails. I never thought about it. But lesbians. Yeah. And she's like, I can't tell her to cut her nails.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
But like, I also don't want to be gouged.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
And you can get a lesbian manicure in Tropical Popicle. Supposedly it's a thing. Oh, I'll have the lesbian manicure.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Until you touch skin and it's just slightly stingy. You've one of those. Look at your nails. I always... My nails are so desperate. I'm actually ashamed of my nails when I like like look at your you've obviously just had your nails done and I look at people like yeah and then I'm like my hands start going inwards I'm trying to tuck them into my jumper.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Sacked through another one. Good for me. I'm getting them done tonight and I found this thing, what's it called? Biosculpture. I don't know if you've used that one. Three weeks it lasts on your hands.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
If I can get something that does that then I'll have at least three weeks of good nails which kind of suits me down to the ground.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
All the time. Joanne, I got really embarrassed this morning. Oh, bring it. So you know the way I try to not let my mom and stuff listen to the podcast because it's like... Anyway, I was at tea school and there's... I think that's like security, but they work in the school anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Like that is going to a tasting menu of like seven, eight courses is my idea. Of hell. I just want piles and piles of food. And to be honest with you, oysters are touch and go. I had a brief love affair with oysters that lasted six months. Ate one on the mountains through my guts. Yeah, I only had my oyster late in life too. And I was like, these are delicious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
And I was going around slurping those snots away like it was no one's business. And then I got sick on the mountain and I tried to have one after and I was like, I literally can't even look at them now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
And they just, they stand at the door and like, they obviously do stuff during the day, but they let everyone in in the mornings and let everyone out. And one of the guys was like to me, oh, I'm loving your podcast. And I was like, which one? Obviously thinking he wasn't listening to this. And he's like, the one with your, your funny friend. I was like, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Do you know what? There's one Michelin star restaurant that I went to and I, and Joanne, you would love it. What's it called? What's it called? Oh, Pret-a-Mange. Yeah. I'm a basic bitch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I think though, listen, so this restaurant, right, you go in and you get piles of food. It's got, you can wear your track suit in there. It's really nice. It's a very good atmosphere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Have you any Blue Wicked? Now, do you know what I do think you can taste? You know, if you smell or taste whiskey, it does taste a bit like muck. Like peat. You can smell peat, muck and whiskey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
I'll go with that. If you smell a whiskey on its own, that's what you smell. It's like, oh God, muck. No wonder it's so fucked up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
A little chiringuito on the beach is what you want. Like one of those little restaurants. A chiringuito on the beach. Those pop-up restaurants. Everyone has a chiringuito.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
A chiringuito. I need to know. Chiringuito. If you come to my mom's house in Spain, right, you go down the beach and there's a chiringuito. It's a little restaurant, but they kind of build it for the summer and then it comes back in. Oh, yeah. It's like calamari, prawns pilled. You've got your tuna salad. Like, that's what you want.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Okay, well, actually, you know, bit of a bone to pick with you. We asked for content yesterday. There's not one. You didn't post. Not only did you not show us your outfit, your shoes, nothing. You posted nothing. Zero, nothing. The stories have run out. Is your phone broken?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Well, I'm getting a manicure, a pedicure tonight, so my feet will be trotting around the place naked for the foreseeable future.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
Girls, your pod should come with a warning. I've just spent the week being the coldest bitch to my husband because I caught him being secretive with his phone. I walked into the kitchen and could see, by the way, he clicked a close that he didn't want me to see it. Cue a whole week of fishing for clues. Going through his phone. Yes, I fucking did that. Listen, that's okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back."
For messages, I'm wondering... I mean, yeah. Did you tap into the emails too?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I've got Spenny's laptop in front of me like right now and I would have no interest in even bothering to look at his emails anyway yes I fucking did that for messages I'm wondering who he's been seeing behind my back this weekend he took me to a spa hotel for a January blues present and that's what he was hiding from me oh no oh god I bet you she was cheating now you absolute bitch
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No cheating, no secrets. But here I am listening to you two every week and all the stories that come in. So that's where my mind was.
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There should be a disclaimer that says something like just because other people's husbands are shy bags, it doesn't mean yours is necessarily. Please keep me in on. I don't, I'm getting any more heat than I've already given up. That is, that's a sweet story.
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And you know what? Also, we need to put a warning in here for women who are going through the same thing, but they're not greeted with a January blues present. They are actually being cheated on. So just beware of that.
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Hey, gals and Joe, I want to give some info and advice for the married man who wrote in about the lack of sex with his wife based on my own experience as a mother. Oh, God, this is going to be good advice, unlike ours. After having kids, your wife probably doesn't want to be touched for several reasons.
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Breastfeeding, constantly having kids hanging off you, exhaustion, body image feelings, lack of self-confidence due to body changes, not feeling sexy anymore, hormone changes or even depression or anxiety. The list goes on. I would recommend to do as much to help her as possible in the household with childcare, etc.
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That's actually what I said. I was watching it.
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The sexiest shit my husband can do is put the baby to bed, load the dishwasher, put stuff away and do the washing. I literally just said something like this to Spencer the other day because he's like, oh, I just want to sit down and hug. And I was like, do you know if you just did some of the extra stuff, then I wouldn't be rushing around like a blue arse fly and I'd be so thrilled.
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Seems stupid if you do these things without expecting praise. She would appreciate it. To me, it shows that he values me. We both work full time. Yes, I tend to do all the majority of the house child stuff. So when he does this stuff, especially without me asking, then maybe I'll consider letting him have two minutes of my time. Ha, she's joking.
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If you're not sure what she requires to be done to take a load off. Then just ask her. But I think this is one of my things that annoys me. You should know what needs to be done. You're in the house as well. You should know that that needs to be done. She might just even need more sleep. I can only dream of the day that he notices we need to buy more toilet roll and actually does it himself.
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If you're already doing your fair share of the household duties, then I think therapy is the only other solution. Find out why she's not feeling herself. She might feel embarrassed or even guilty. Mums have guilt about everything. You could both try love language tests to see how you both tick. My younger child is one and a half and I can safely say I had zero interest in sex until she was one.
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We've crashed. By the way, sorry, before we start, can I please... We broke. Can I please plug my European tour and my Ireland and UK tour? I've dates. I've dates to sell. No, you can't. I've pork. No. London. I said no. Bournemouth. Berlin. No. I have a second Lisbon. I have a second Amsterdam. No. Vogue, stop. Stop it.
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That's not true. Or they'll say it to their partner and their partner will deny it and then you look crazy and they'll kind of stick it on you.
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Yeah, I mean, you know me now. I'm very cynical about the whole thing. I don't know why. I was actually thinking about this last night. I had a couple of drinks last night. Because I was working at the weekend and when I have a couple of drinks, sometimes I get a bit, you know, I'll take pen to paper and have some thoughts. And I was like, why? Were you journaling? I wouldn't use that term.
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But I guess, technically, I just don't see the point in journaling because I'm like, anything I write down, I'm like, why am I wasting time writing my own thoughts? I should be writing stuff for stand-up or, you know, creative projects. But I did kind of go, Joanne, you really need to get over this all.
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all men cheat thing because it's not true and like the last guy didn't cheat on you at all so like why are you so hung up about this you need to really it's time to move on then I downloaded Hinge and swiped a bit and then lost all faith in humanity again I do think I do think that it's I don't think all men are cheats I definitely don't they're not I don't know where I'm going with that I just have these very dramatic moments although I will say it's the ones you don't think and it's the ones you do think so technically that is everyone
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back around and circle back to my original thoughts all of them do it for god's sake all of them are at it yeah were you getting tagged in as many clips of the Eurovision presenters as I was oh look watch I can do it a shamrock tongue which is what we were being tagged in so Vogue just for our listeners because that's all we have Vogue just curled her tongue
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Is that not the same thing? No, it's not. The Eurovision was on at the weekend, the Gay Olympics, as they're called. And it was the Swiss were hosting it and there was two presenters, two female presenters. And they, I even, I was like, I have to give it to them. It did look like, it did resemble myself in Vogue.
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There was one of them where it was quite, she kind of looked like me and she kind of dressed, she wasn't, she was dressed like that kind of, you know, street lesbian style that I like to engage. But some people did say, they were like, spits of you. And they said the other one spits of Vogue, except she has, the one on the telly has a fine rack on her. Which is not something you display.
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Oh, yeah, yeah. We'll get a little clip of that, mate. I can see you parking the SUV in the disabled spots and all, making a big deal of the inhaler. I do that anyway. Hello. Looking for your parking permit. You're like pumping the inhaler in. You're like, I'm clearly not well.
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But that was the only discrepancy in the whole thing. And they were quite like us.
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And they could both curl their tongue. Now, I cannot curl my tongue and that is genetic. I am malformed. It's not curling. Or else you're malformed.
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I think that's all, when you can curl your tongue, that's the only shape it goes into because the two women on the Eurovision also had their tongue curled.
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Oh, well, they did what you were doing. I can't curl my tongue and I have no earlobes. I'm basically a Neanderthal. I don't know what's more evolved. I'm guessing you. I don't know. Is it more evolved? Or maybe it's less evolved because you can still kind of lick out a lion. Whereas that's very much a throwback to... Is it cave?
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What's the evolutionary function of you being able to curl your tongue? I think that's what I'm trying to ask. Is it to lick out animals? Is it to dislodge berries in small places?
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I'm just thinking back to cave times, which is, and they did do, there was a lot of bestiality back in the day. A lot of bestiality. Was there?
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Yeah, it's like, it's all the cave drawings and stuff that they found. What happened to sexual animals?
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a lot of bestiality going on you have people riding horses and all that like olden day animals olden day animals just go oh god this is taking a really we were just trying to have a nice email I've spoken about this before the first cave they ever found there was a drawing above the cave and it was either Jo you can fact check this for me it was either a woman going down a lion or a lion going down a woman I can't remember maybe the lion was just eating the woman as in eating her
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No, no. Zoophilia. It's a much cuter name than bestiality, isn't it? Yeah. Like, if I had to identify as one, I would definitely... If I had to put one in my bio, I'd go zoophilia. Would you vote...
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Basically, if you're willing to eat the meat of an animal, do you not think that animal would rather get ridden in the traditional Irish sense than eaten? And it kind of threw a cat amongst the pigeons, didn't it? No, that's shocking, this many years later.
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I'll have to feed back. That's a little cliffhanger there. Is there any chance it was a dream? No, Joe.
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Cave woman goes down on a lion. Look, I'll dig it out.
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I'll have to dig it out. Particularly the late night ones. It's not coming up. It's obviously not high on the search engine, but I'll dig it out.
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I think it was her. I think it was the lion going down on her. I'm pretty sure that was the situation. Yeah.
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Different times, you know, different times. Yeah, yeah. You know? Not for us now. But, you know, different times. They had no internet back then. They had a lot of time to kill. If we didn't have Netflix, we'd probably be getting licked out by lions also, Vogue, in the evening, wouldn't we?
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Grace Campbell opened one of my shows at the weekend and she had her little dog with her. And I was eating chicken out of the packet, as is my right. You know, getting the protein because I'm 42 now. And I didn't notice, but the dog was like just kind of staring up at me, drooling. And Grace was like, here, will you give her a bit of chicken? I was like, yeah, of course.
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Sorry, I didn't even notice. But Grace was saying she was in the hairdressers one time. There was a woman beside her eating a pack of chicken and the dog was doing the same thing. And Grace said to her, would you mind just give, would you mind giving my dog a little bit of chicken? And everyone said, no. Who would turn down giving a bit of chicken to a puppy? What monster?
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Some people don't like dogs. They just don't. She said no. She said, I was like, imagine. No. And swiveled back towards the mirror. I mean. Jesus Christ.
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delivery here from HarperCollins and I think it's a copy of Big Mouth.
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She's an author. She's turned off all her Google alerts. She's officially an author now. Yeah, look. She's going to be getting a few legal letters.
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Very much depends on my mood. If there's no one around, I'm going to... Look, I don't drive either, so I'm not a threat to the parking spots. The license never came back my way. But I remember my dad, before he passed away, was in a wheelchair. So we had like a permit and everything. So we were very much involved in the... disabled parking community.
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I'm always so surprised when I read people's memoirs and they see, I'm like, how did this pass legal? They're literally naming and shaming people.
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And my mother, if she saw anyone rocking around one of those spots without the paperwork, she was up rattling on the window, taking down red plates. Yeah, yeah.
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I still use it to this day, Vogue.
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That's just fun jokes. Fun jokes. Is it fun? Oh, let's move on. Not all disabilities are visible. I remember I did a tweet once about back when I used to kind of tweet, which I've given up on now because it's literally just not worth it.
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It's also like you can't really take the piss on there. At least with Instagram, you're only really in the feed of people who choose to have you in their feed. Twitter, you're... you're everywhere kind of really. You can kind of spread quite quickly. And I've had a couple of run-ins on Twitter and it's just not worth the hassle.
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That's more workable, I would say. There's less fallout from that. But yeah, a couple of glasses of wine and when I used to hit the Twitter, there was... Yeah. Well, let's not rehash issues from the past, but it wasn't the smoothest of evenings. There was a couple of big run-ins on there. Real big run-ins, yeah.
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I snap but I don't I actually don't anymore but I used to snap if someone was really going in on me because I get defensive and like as you know I don't like confrontation but if I feel like there's an injustice happening I used to weigh in I no longer weigh in I'm like I'm like what did I say I'm what's your man's name the guy I love Keanu Reeves Namaste.
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Well, I mean, his philosophy is like, if you think it's red and it's blue, pink, it's red. I'm not getting involved. That's my new philosophy. But sorry, I'm dragging this story out terribly. Oh yeah, I was in Dublin Airport. And we were all queuing for the security. Everyone's got liquids, you know, sandwiches, alcohol. We're all the problem.
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Yeah, it's a very stressful environment. It's a very stressful environment. And they're screaming at you. Dublin Airport's actually, I think... brands in that regard. They're kind of calm. But in the American airports, you're like, dude, I like. Fucking, I don't have a handgrip. It's a laptop. Chill. Chill out. Just very stressful.
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I'm not going to say... Well, I did. You did, didn't you? Yeah. They can. They can. I've seen some very strange, very aggressive interactions with people who... Yeah, but can you imagine how annoying it must be for airport security to all day for whatever their nine-hour shift, whatever their working day is, to be like, are you taking the piss? We haven't had liquids in our bags. How long?
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I would say their head is wrecked. I'm in Dublin Airport. We're all queuing. We've all made heinous mistakes with our hand luggage, full of liquids and hand grenades, whatever, right? There's a woman, it's wheeled up past us through, okay? So she's just wheeled through. She's got one of those airport...
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drivers you know the people who bring in people with the who need additional assistance and she's wheeled straight through and she gave me a look and I in the moment thought the look kind of went haha and I thought it was kind of funny I was like you know the way your brain would be killing time in your head and I was like I'm pretty sure I saw her walking around in departures anyway she goes through and I'm sitting on the plane oh dear
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I know I'm very Darth Vader, but yeah. The noise. I thought I'd left the windows open. It's like, hold on. I actually have to turn you down.
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And it starts getting a bit of, you know. Anyway, this woman DMs me almost immediately. And she's like, Joanne, I would appreciate if you took that down. My mother, blah, blah, blah. Not all disabilities are visible. You don't know what's wrong with one. Anyway, it was taken kind of badly. It wasn't taken badly. It was taken at face value rather than satirically. Do you know what I mean?
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So I said, you know, it's not worth it. So I just took it down. And since then, there was a couple of things like that. And I was like, oh, Twitter's too fucking... I stopped tweeting. I was like, it's not really the place for comedy, I don't think. Certainly not the stuff that I'm trying to work out in my head. I'd be like throwing up a premise and I'm like, is there anything in that?
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Actually, Twitter, you kind of need to put up hound crap. Yeah, yeah. Premises are for the clubs in private, you know what I mean? So I don't really tweet and the...
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Also, the text fighting, you've too much time to think. You've too much time to really, like, lean into how hurt you are. And you were talking to them, you were like, oh, look, it's gone, forget about it. But when you're explaining your hurt, you know, you can get a bit carried away.
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I will always text fight first. There's a lot. There's, as I say, too much time for reflection on the text fighting, I think.
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It depends on the outcome you're looking for, you know what I mean? I'm the best of a bad bunch. I'm just sitting here with my finger over a fuck it button 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If it's not my life, I'm happy to do it for someone else. Hit it, folks.
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But I like the line where she says give people their reality back. I think that's a powerful lesson. However... You also don't know, like, sometimes you're like, am I going to really get involved in someone else's drama? Like, then what if they decide to stay with the person anyway? And then they're embarrassed because they know that you know. And there's so many levels to it.
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The bottom jaw was just fine. I could get that down to let the food in, you know. wow let the trap door open oh yeah for the treats god you sound now you sound awful I'll be honest yeah thank you very much so what does the inhaler do what does the are you like are you is that like is this kind of are you asthmatic now is what I'm asking
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That's not necessary. I don't know if that's true. I know, well, one couple. Well, I suppose I know. So I suppose I'm proving a point to be correct. But it's not in their bio. Some people, it's in their bio. They identify with the polyamory.
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Sexual diversity. It's like sex. You know yourself in long-term relationships. Well, you're actually very blessed in your long-term relationship.
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It's so funny, isn't it? It is. That's why I always think if you have suspicions... the chances are you're correct because sometimes people are cheating and you're not even aware. But then there's also, we cannot ignore the level of delusion that goes on. And I speak for myself when I say, I saw, I've been cheated on countless times, mostly by the same person.
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But when I had suspicions, I didn't want it to be true. So when he denied it, I wanted to believe him. But my gut was like screaming. But I remember coming home from Edinburgh once. I was away for the Fringe. And like, I've probably told this story before. I was living with him at the time. And like all my stuff was in the wardrobe. Like he cleared away all my side tables and everything.
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And there was a full blown hair in the bed. Like a long black hair. And that was not, it didn't belong to either of us. And I honestly, I did all this mental gymnastics because I just didn't want to believe it because I was mad about it. And I was like, oh, I just didn't want to believe it. What a lazy bastard. Couldn't even change the sheets. You lazy, cheating bastard.
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Yeah. I'm like the cell crushing thing. Humiliation. I was probably napping in her body juices and didn't even think about it. I was just so, just did not want it to be true. So when he was like, he didn't even go that hard tonight. He was like, it's not true. And I was like, okay.
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Okay. Hi, Vogue and Joanne. Thought you'd be intrigued by this. About 18 years ago, backpacking around India, myself and my travelling gal pal ended up on a long train ride traversing the country. No trolley, but at every stop, traders would come on board and sell snacks and drinks, fruit and the odd... That's good.
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We met lots of friendly folk who were intrigued by my whiteness and my friend's blonde hair. I always thought that if I went somewhere like that, they'd be weirded out because I'm tall.
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Yeah. We had designated seats and fold-out beds. It was all very functional and different and we liked it. 54 hours on a train. Oh, my goodness. At the start of the journey, we ended up in a different carriage, which is basically steerage. No designated seating, no capacity limits on passengers, people sitting, slouching and lying on the ground. One particular lady was having a great kip.
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Well, hello to you. Bonjour. Bonjour. Well, indeed. How are you? I'm good. I'm delighted to be here for the both. I'm delighted on a Friday. Do you know what? What else would I be doing on a Friday evening? Stop talking to you. It's going out on Wednesday, but we have Friday vibes. Yeah, it's going to be. Well, I'm not going to say that as to jinx us.
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She was lying flat out for hours and hours without moving.
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Okay, hang on. Completely shocked and channelling are we must stand up for the downtrodden in her backpacking voices. We went to her, checked her vital signs, etc. Yes, she was definitely unquestionably dead and cold. Nobody still paid any heed. Oh!
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Eventually, a guy who spoke English explained to us that sometimes people died on these trains and the government officials dealt with them once the train arrived at its destination. 54 hours.
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Poor woman, alone and dead in a train and her family might never find out. I still think about her from time to time. That's desperate.
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I think bodies, like 54 hours with a dead body, that's going to smell. I don't think it would smell after 54 hours. It would definitely smell after 54 hours. It would stink. Are you sure? In the boiling hot heat. It'd be like baking. It'd be slowly cooking. Oh God.
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Yeah, I thought you got diseases from bodies. Anyway, terrible story. I'm not going to start. I want to enjoy my night, so let's not get too much into the dead.
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I would say she actually had a lovely death. When you think about the rocking of a train, like you'd just be rocked to death.
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Yeah. That's it, John. Thanks everyone for listening.
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That was the saddest... Story, I haven't started watching the documentary yet. Ruby Frank.
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I've got my book tour, 26th and Vicar Street, 27th in Union Chapel in London. And my book is on sale. Audio, soon to be on sale. It's on sale? Yeah, it's on pre-sale. It's on pre-sale.
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But it's done now. I know it's going to happen for like, well, it's still got a lot of work to do on it. But also, we have Arlo Hanlon on Never Leave It Down this week. He's very funny. Great. We love the Arlo. For the Irish.
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That was very, very shocking though. Like, so one of the children escaped and had like, like cuts around his ankles and his hands from where he'd been bound and he was starving and it was absolutely terrible. And she got away with it for such a long time. Yeah. Now this is a different thing that happened, but did you ever hear about that influencer couple?
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And they were YouTubers and they basically shared their whole family. And so their whole family are on YouTube and like this cute little family. And then they adopted a boy from China. This boy was their whole life, part of their family. And after like three years, all of a sudden he was just gone from all their content. And people were like, where is he?
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And it turned out they felt like he had needs that they couldn't... Meet. Meet. But like whatever went on, like he was with them for three years.
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Oh my God, yeah, imagine. Imagine Pat just like after three years was like, nah.
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Oh, it was just so bad. And even their kids would have just gotten used to him as a sibling and then he's just gone.
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Yeah, God, you brought it up first. Let's talk about fun things. It's Friday.
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She still says film. Film. Someone's beeping. Yeah, I know. It's Spencer, not me.
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He's actually, he's walking around naked. He spends a long time naked. That man. Unusual.
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I'll have a glass of champagne if you'll... Bring the champagne!
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I... Is there anyone there? I feel like you must have figured out a way to like get wine from the fridge with your eyes. You're so good at it now.
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All my St. Patrick's bits arrived. If you haven't gotten yourself any St. Patrick's Day glasses or hats, I have them all here for you. Did you really get little bits of Paddy's dimmer? Yeah, of course. I'll send my kids into school in that. They have to know that they're Irish. It's very important.
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I've already looked it up. They have one in Purple Dragon. Sorry to bring it up again. It's a little robot and it collects trays and the robot is set up to go around to those tables. They're something like 20 grand though. 20 grand.
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Get yourself one of those Dyson hoovers that goes around and does the hoovering for you. Exactly. But then you'd have to go and get the drink to strap it to the top. But if you made one drink, then you could get the other drink. I need a drink because I had a two hour bare strategy call. Then I had a podcast with Amber. Then I was recording my audio book and now I'm here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
So I've done a lot of talking. So tell me about the film.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Is this the culture pocket? Or what were we calling it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
There was loads of things like that. Remember we had the spoofer of the week?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Okay, mine is a book called Nesting. It's a debut by an Irish author and I've started reading it and it is brilliant. Is this for the awards? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not allowed to mention those books. There's a lot of those books that I'm doing for the book awards that are very, very good. And two that I've read that I would never...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Well, don't worry. She's got herself a tricolour wig.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
pick up off a shelf so I actually can't wait to give people that recommendation because like it's like you know that book Circe have you ever read Circe no I thought it was called Cirque someone was like no Circe okay and that is all about like Greek goddesses and stuff that her two books Madeline Thompson I think her name is are so good great but anyway nesting was my was my original culture pocket that was what was in your culture pocket this week
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
When am I allowed to come to your work in progress? You've had loads and I haven't been allowed to go to any.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
God's sake, fine. Do you want to hear some... an update that I just saw come up? Yeah! Danny has posted. You know Danny?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
I know. People just love, though. Like, I just... Oh God, it was such a bad, bad situation, wasn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Well, he's only just released that. In fairness, there's a woman called Bryony Gordon. She's gas, she's brilliant. She writes for the Daily Mail, she has a podcast and she basically was following the Maura, Georgia, Danny story and she wrote this really scathing thing about Danny and how he set up pap shots with Georgia, set them up to make it look like they were like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Just to show that they were having a united front. And she was like, just let her like figure this out for herself instead of parading around in front of paps. And she looks really uncomfortable.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Yeah, if that's true, I just think that that's so bad and so selfish of him to do that, to like protect his own image instead of protecting how she's feeling.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Joanne's kids go to the IRA. My kids just wear funny glasses and hats. Sorry, I don't have any kids, Vogue. Did you forget about that? If you did, my kids are in your house. Why aren't you looking after them, Vogue? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
I think the more selfish part of those things is, though, like it's like even more so than the actual like cheating is like then after that, you're still like putting yourself first and like making sure that like people see you as the good person by getting your wife on board to seem OK with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
I do get that. But I just think that she just looked really visibly upset in those pictures. And I just felt like it probably wasn't the right time for her to do that. Like it's a week later. Yeah. It's just, it's a lot. Like that's a really difficult, because it's such a public humiliation as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
But Dominic West's wife, she came out the next day and that was like, they were going around Italy or wherever they were on a bike together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
Emails. Weirdly, a chat came up from 2013 from an ex. So I clicked on it to see what we had been saying. After scrolling for a bit in the conversation, I accidentally liked one of the messages. Yeah. I don't know what to do. Do I just message? I don't like it. It's too late. If she hasn't unliked it and she's emailed us, I've not spoken to him in years. Do I leave it? I'm mortified.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Champagne!"
What was the message though? It was just about them talking, but it was from 2013. 12 years ago, she liked a message. I think if you haven't spoken to him in ages, whatever, like I don't, does anyone use Facebook anymore? What the hell is, that's weird too.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
She can come bike shopping too if she would like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I'll buy you a bike. Do you want to come? I'll buy you a bike.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I know, but also, by the way, just because he was trying to sell you crypto doesn't mean he didn't think you were right, because he obviously spotted you and thought, she's hot, and then mailed you. But what I would say is... And rich, which, I mean, is a really great compliment, yeah. I know, but imagine, listen, you've saved yourself a lot of hassle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Imagine having to listen to him talk shite about crypto for no thanks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Yeah, but I would say, first of all, we would say, speak to your husband about it. Maybe he hasn't got a bloody clue what's going on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Sometimes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Not all of you, but most of you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
That's it, I think. I've had a lovely day. She's leaving him. No, Joanne, do let us know what happens. Go talk to your husband and actually, we would love to know what happens.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It'd be hard, I suppose, if you have kids, but like, it wasn't, I didn't mind getting out of one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Joanne will... The baby will come out and Joanne will be like, no, I'm still... I still need it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It's that time of year, Jo, don't worry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Fucking winters. Do you know, everyone gets annoyed when you say that. And I always say, I'm like, I love giving birth. But like, the reason I love giving birth is because I feel so sick. And by the time I get, the sickness ends when I give birth. So I'm like, that day to me is like pleasure. Because I'm like, yes!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Well, because I'm so sick. Like I don't, I don't put on loads and loads of weight because I'm really sick. No matter what I do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
The only thing is you've only, and I know this from experience that you only, particularly even just in December when I was sick, you only have a window of time before people are like, shut up. Like, I don't, I can't listen anymore. I can't listen to Ramona anymore. Even Spen, I can see him when I was sick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
He's just kind of like, I can feel, he walks out the door to throw his eyes to heaven, but I know he's doing it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Go, go, do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
You're actually not too much of a whinger when you're sick. On the rare occasion that you are sick, you don't whinge that much. But that's because I'm alone. Yeah, so you're whinging privately.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
All right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
You wouldn't mind having a chat with Amber, would you, for me? I can't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I had to screen her calls over the weekend. I was like, I can't answer it. I'd take the odd one and then I was like, no, I can't, I can't. She'd ring me like four times a day and I'd accept one because I just couldn't listen anymore. I'm like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I actually you know what I don't care and she's like we had a fight over her we had a fight over her having the flu because she was convinced it was way worse than the flu and I was like no that sounds like the flu it's not the flu and I have this and I was like no it sounds like the flu and then eventually she found out it was the flu but she's one of those people as well when she breaks up with somebody which hasn't for a long time thankfully she'll go on about it for months and months on end yeah I have a touch I do have a touch that now I just I take it hard I do I take heartbreak hard I
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I think, and this is not to sound bad or take away from death, but I think like, like when I think of my dad dying, I'm like, I was really sad. But when you think of going through a really, like you're in pain when you go through a breakup, even though that goes away faster.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I knew it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
This will tell you about how great I think I am. Obviously, it takes me a while now before I'd be like, I'll consider that I had anything to do with the breakup. Like what we were saying last week. I'm like, no, no, that wasn't me. It will take a while. And then I'm like, hmm, maybe, maybe the touch of me in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Your go-to would be to blame yourself. My go-to would be like, yeah, they were awful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
we're both to Lulu in our own ways do you know what I mean but I yeah we're to Lulu but I'm happy with the way I am and so are you like I'm happy I'm not changing I'm not changing for anyone too late no 40 now nearly I know you're nearly you're nearly in the club I know I'm excited she's nearly middle aged I can't wait I can't wait middle age has changed now I'm not middle aged because I'm not going to die at 80 I'm probably going to die at 95 so
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I thought of the perfect gift for you. Oh, thrilled. I love gifts. Well, it's also the perfect one for me to give you as well because it's not that expensive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Look at us. Look at them. My hair's nearly down to my arse. Yeah. Look at you. I went to get my, I went to get my, remember I told you I was going to do fertility, I went to get fertility checked. Yes. I don't know what, I think it's just this day and age, everyone's just worried about fertility. And I don't even know if I want to have another child. But anyway, I went to get it checked.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
And like you said, so she's checking my fertility. She's like, everything was fine. And then she was like, oh, there was an egg has been released from the right ovary. And I was like, well done. And then she goes, oh, an egg has been released from the left ovary. And I said, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I said, my friend, Joanne told me that when you get older, your body starts shooting out eggs, shooting, shooting, shooting. Well, Joanne, she told me that it doesn't just happen to older people. It actually can happen to younger women as well, where you just go pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Well, it's true, but it's also not true. It's half true.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Well, the gynecologist said that it happens. It does. It can happen to older women, but it can also happen to young ovaries as well. It doesn't discriminate in age of the ovary. Oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
What do you mean? I've doubled, it releases an egg and it's going to come out in your period and then it released another egg at the same time. So now Spencer's wearing five condoms. Just in case.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Is a period an egg?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It's the wall. We're shedding the wall. Yeah, but you're also getting rid of the egg that month. Well, they could have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Do you know what? Do you see when she said that? And I knew it was the egg. But when she was like, is it the egg? I was like, well, actually, no. Now that Joanne says it might not be. Yes, it is. Why don't they teach us that in school? What do they teach you in school?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Okay, so what it says is... A period also known as menstruation is a vagina bleeding that occurs when the lining of the uterus sheds. Mm-hmm.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Yeah, so I knew that, but then, like, I thought it was the egg coming down as well. Oh, this is shocking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Can we leave this in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Okay, no. A period is the shedding of the lining of the uterus while an egg is released from the ovary during ovulation. Where does the egg go then?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Jo, have you anything to say? Yeah, Joe, you stupid fallopian tube. Get lost.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
You know, you can get if you don't have any more kids, you know, the way that men can get the snip. Women can also get their fallopian tubes tied.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Just more work for the women. The men should be doing it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
You've just reminded me of my pill. I have not taken that in quite some time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Joanne, my mom didn't... You enjoyed them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Oh, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Come over here now. Come over here tonight. We'll do a few of them together. Go on. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What a couple of heart emojis thrown in for good measure. Some of his videos have several million views. So I was skeptical at first. Oh, but I verified that it was in fact a reply directly from him. I'd love to know who it is. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Sorry, I just fixed my... Look at Joe nail hoovering that bagel. What time is it? Is that your first meal of the day or something? Never seen someone hungrier.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
And I couldn't find anyone else's comment that he had sent a reply to. So I felt very special and extremely flattered. I got butterflies and felt real excitement as I debated whether to message him or not. Oh, wait. Oh, no. There was just one problem. I'm married with three children. Joe, I asked you not to put this in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I've been married for 15 years, but the spark went out of our marriage a long time ago. Oh, no. My husband has not had any interest in me for years. That's sad. So when someone picked me out of a virtual crowd saying he wanted to get to know each other better, it lit something inside me that I haven't felt in such a long time. So the next day I decided to message him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
I had all the excitement of waiting for the messages to come and I felt like it was the first flushes of romance again. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be made feel special. Yeah. But after a few messages back and forth, it turned out that it was all a ploy to get me to buy into his cryptocurrency business. No! Crypto shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
It's not like I would have kept it going or that I would have gone anywhere. I have no intention of breaking up my family, but it just made me so sad that actually I was not special. You are special.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
And I probably won't feel that excitement or be made to feel special to someone like that again in this lifetime. And that just makes me so sad. No, no, that makes me so sad when she says that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Oh, you're hungover?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
oh tell us please my favourite I did my last going out on the piss before Joss has this baby this baby oh Joss is just having the baby no involvement for you no we will have a baby but ultimately she has to do the having of it yeah she's doing the heavy lifting and the heavy pushing listen guys that girl has got she has got gas and air waiting for her I'm jealous personally
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
And if anyone's into crypto, God, I mean, come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
No bloody thanks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
What is crypto? No, I'm not. We're not even going to bother learning about that. Today, it's all about Bitcoin. And next week on the main episode, we're going to cover crypto. That makes me really sad that you feel like that, but I understand that you don't want to break up your family, but also you need to remember that you are special and you deserve to be made to feel special.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
And I think that a big, long conversation, really honest with your husband would be helpful. I don't know if you've done that before, but before, like, I just think that... Sorry, you should probably speak to your husband first, right?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
leave him leave him now say nothing pick up the kids out the door block him sorry yeah communication first always communication yeah a bit of communication but you shouldn't you shouldn't be made to feel like that like you should feel happy like I'm not saying that in marriage you're going to be made to feel special every single day
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime."
Like, Spenny and I are buying each other a bike for Valentine's this year, which just feels really sad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
And I moved out from the girls and moved in with him. And then we came home to Ireland together and broke up anyway. My point is, I'm very much out of sight, out of mind.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
If someone operates like that, you just have to accept it and be like, okay, the chances are when people are young, when they travel, they have a whole different lifestyle. They're meeting new people all the time. That's just what happens. They move on. They move into a different way of thinking. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I read something recently, they were saying if you chase long enough, you end up getting dragged. Like, yeah, if something is pulling away, just let it go. And what I will say is, if you hold your ground and be like, okay, fine, do your thing. I'd say the chances of him coming back are quite high actually if that's what you want maybe you don't I don't know maybe by the time he comes home
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You'll have moved on and you won't care. But I think it's when people when you want to leave something, if people try and keep you in it, which is your natural instinct is to try and keep them. They want out more because they're pressured. They're like, oh, God, if you just go, OK, if you just swallow it and pretend you're like, OK, that's fine. I respect your decision.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I don't want you to be in anything you don't want to be in. I want to be with someone who really wants to be with me. Let them fly off. I swear to God, and this is probably not the right message. I guarantee they'll probably come back. That's been my experience.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, fuck that. No. You go travelling. If you're free to go to Australia, honestly, if you were due to go to Australia, use that money. Go to Bali with your mates or something. Do something else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Live your own life. Come to Cape Town. Go to Cape Town with Joanne. Go for it. Yeah. a parting message. Thank you so much to everyone who has listened during the year and sent mails and sent DMs and we appreciate all of you. Thank you so much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Thank you. We've had a lovely year with your listenership.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I've thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We get so many nice messages and they're always lovely to read and we really appreciate them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
We don't say thank you enough so thank you. Thank you. Thank you to you and yours. Thank you. Also, before we go, Big Mouth is available on pre-sale. Vogue's book, which will be out in May, and you can apply for your pre-sale. No, you can buy pre-sale. You can sign up. How does it work?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You haven't did. Yeah, you can too. Me and Oasis. That's the only ticket she's secured for 2025. I'm very honoured.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I know. And she has been charged for both concerts. That's why my mother calls my stand up a concert.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Happy Christmas. We love you, Joe. Do you have anything to say?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
We love you. Okay, so we'll see you in January. See you in January, everyone. Jingle bells, jingle bells.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Why not a belly button? We keep their teeth and their hairs and stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so I mean I've met Alzo he's a nice guy but I mean I don't know if I'd call him I don't know if I'd go so far as to connect him to sunshine but there you go maybe he holds back in my company more maybe he's beaming elsewhere
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah. Let Ray do what he needs to do. I mean, he's practically in his forties at this stage, is he?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Pod. At gmail.com. We really didn't think of the length of the name when we named the podcast. We didn't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
It's time to move out of your sister's basement. We all did our stint there. It's time to move on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You need some sort of panic room that you can just retreat into for the afternoon. And it needs to be soundproof because they can smell you. I've seen them find us in bedrooms because they can smell Vogue through the walls. They can smell the milk or whatever. I don't know if that's still a thing, but they find us. They know where you are. And they're not looking for me. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
They're not looking for me. Oh, do you know what would be a nice thing to do for the pod? What? Set out your goals for 2025.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh, sorry. I thought you might have had something front of mind. That's fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I have to think of some. Tell me your goals first then. OK, so I'm saying this for accountability. By the end of 2025, I obviously need a fresh air of stand up. Pinafowl would be written and out in the road, which is fine. That's obviously very doable. And I want to buy a house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
If I have not bought a house by this time next year, intervene. I need to get my shit together and buy a home. That's it. I've said it now. Accountability. I don't believe in manifestation. I think that's horseshit, but I'm saying it anyway. So maybe I do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah. I mean, if they're pre-ordering it at this stage, you need to fire your marketing team. Oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Oh my God, I would never have seen John Boyne in a boy band. Wild pivot.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I wonder, I bet there's a ton of people who are, who failed pop band auditions, who went on to do, I was going to say more valuable things. That's not fair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
That's Christmas. That's totally different.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could see you in All Saints. All Saints were kind of the, they were the coolest ones. Yeah. You've got an Appleton vibe to your face.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
It did seem like there was a stage. It seemed like a kind of a... There was such an explosion of them making bands that it felt like there was a lot of opportunity there. Speaking of books, I thought that I'd... We love a good book recommendation and I'm reading a very good book at the moment. If anyone's looking for a book rec over Christmas. Yeah. It's called All Fours by Miranda July.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
What's it about? It was recommended to me. Annie Mack actually recommended it to me. I think it's about... I think it's going to be about the menopause. But at the moment, it's about a woman who is going on a road trip to kind of hide from her family. Not just not completely dissimilar to something you were saying earlier about.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
It's very good and it's very funny and I feel it will be deliciously dark in places and it's just a really good book.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
It's really good. That had a big kind of surge. Do you know what though? I don't think I actually finished it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Ah, yeah, well, my attention span is... There's not a lot gets through to the end, but... I keep dragging this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
You'll crack it at once. Do you know what I bought the other day? And this is real, like aspirational ideas of what I'll read rather than the reality of what I'll read.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I bought A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. What? I was like, yeah, that'd be lovely now. Put it the other day. I said, that'd be lovely now over Christmas now, Reed Dickens. I have a little of my hoe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Just going to finish it off with War and Peace just for New Year's. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Little Women. Little Women. That'll be a nice one over Christmas. I read Tiny Sisters, that classic. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. I'm actually, do you know what? More accountability on the pod. I'm going to have read Dickens by Christmas 2027. Okay, this is going in the long capsule.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
My mother used to keep a lock of my first haircut. And the hair was very blonde and stringy, maybe just didn't age well. Or maybe she was dying it as a child, I don't know. But she used to keep a little box. And then she got tired of it. And I was like, she's like, do you want that? I was like, okay. Then I kept a lock on my own hair because she was bored with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Well, like, I agree with you. I think that's necessary. And do you know who can do that for you? Me. Exactly. Namaste. Oh, yeah. Nice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Joe, should we ask just for inclusivity and so that we don't look completely sexist? Should we ask Joe, has he any hopes and dreams or are we just power on?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I'll get this out of the way while you're gone. Joe, is there anything?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
If I was you now, I wouldn't just start normally running. I'd be getting like weighted jackets and all and like, I'd be getting like the most expensive garment you can find. Like, and I'd be doing all that instead of just getting out and just getting it, getting it done. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, I can't get going now until I know my HRV and all, you know, blah, blah, blah, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I procrastinate with technology and weighted things basically. How's the Garamond going? Really good actually. What's the sleep? What's the sleep? Do you know what? I'm again learning and growing. Turns out I've much better sleep when I'm not listening to murder documentaries all night. So I'm going to really try. That's another goal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I'm going to try and stop listening to shit when I fall asleep because I just need to get okay with my own thoughts. Yeah. Now more than you saying no to some work, I need to just get okay with my own thoughts instead of packing my brain with other people's voices all day and all night. It's not always murder now. I shouldn't really say that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Sometimes it's other shit, but it just... Because your brain is constantly always tuned into that voice. So I use it for company. But I either need to start dating more or just somehow...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
figure out how to fall asleep to silence because it's affecting my sleep quality Vogue and suddenly this is important to me what's your sleep is your sleep really like 10 hours a night are you ready for your morning report yes we are ready for Joanne's morning report 52 hours of recovery from what I have no idea I don't know what I'm recovering from yeah I don't know what I'm recovering from.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
A bad date? A fucking gym session? I have no idea. It's just constantly telling me I'm recovering from something. It doesn't tell me what. Six hours, 41 sleep. Oh, that's not great. Shorter than ideal, plenty of deep, it says. There you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
HRV status 45 minutes last night is that like how long I'm dead what's HRV heart rate your heart rate variability don't know what that means either 45 and now it just says rise and shine Joanne well I got 9 hours and 12 minutes sleep last night but that's because I'm not fully 100% better heart rate 60 sorry I'm still reading my stats here heart rate 67 don't know what that means Sleep score.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Yeah, I know. I've done 286 steps already today. Oh, my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
That's too much. Take the load off me. I'm going to be too fit. That's the problem.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Sorry. That took me way too long to connect the fact that it was one of your children's belly buttons. I genuinely was like... What? Who left that there? Probably mine. I'm always leaving things place. It wasn't mine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
Well, my gut is saying leave him off. Like, you can't. There's no point. I've done exactly that exact, exactly, exactly thing. I went out. I was going out with someone at the time. I was bawling, crying, leaving him. For the first week, I was on the phone to him every night. And then... you're living, you're just, you're getting on with your new life. You're meeting new people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
It's all hot out there and you're off the beach and you're swimming and you're working and you're meeting new people all the time. And then I didn't want him, didn't want to go out with him anymore. I didn't want him to come out. He was supposed to come out. I told him I didn't want him to come out. He came out anyway. Oh God. Through his own work. And I was, I'm going to say allergic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He doesn't want me to visit."
I was like, oh God. I know. And he was like, are you not even going to meet me? Are you not even going to meet me? And I'm sure I'd had 19 boyfriends since I'd seen him last. And then I did go to him. I've actually, I don't know if this is the right story to tell because I did go to meet him and then fell in love with him again. And then he moved, he stayed in Australia with me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Now, that could be completely factually incorrect. I might have read it wrong. But I'm pretty sure it's 62 miles up in the sky. Should I have been further than that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
that is yeah that's true your eyes are like two abacuses abacai okay let me look it up okay no I can't do it I just I can't I don't have it in me today Emily I'm sorry I can't work that out Olivia Munn came out and she was like really with everything that's going on we're using all this money to send Katy Perry to space and I know it's not just Katy Perry and I I do feel like Katy Perry is trying to do she's trying to you know she's got it all
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
album to sell her tour didn't do that well she's working the last one struggled a bit but I and look it's a flex you've gone to space I mean that's quite the conversation starter yeah and loads of people want to do that that's going to put you on a lot of dinner party invite lists I do feel that people can sometimes like you can say that about kind of anything
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I shouldn't go down that road. People are dying, Kim. I shouldn't go down that road. I wonder what you, like, what would you do flying up to space? Would you download a couple of TV shows, a couple of Married at First Sight to kill the time? Or are you chatting to people about the fact you're flying to space? Is there an in-flight service? Is there a trolley? Is there a trolley on a spaceship?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Tour plugs. Pinafile is officially a go-go. Next up I have tickets available for Ipswich, Southend, Bury St Edmunds, Colchester. Norwich is sold out, but there's tickets for Leicester. They're the last of the UK dates this side of the summer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Oh, no, it's not going to be a chicken or fish situation. No, no, no, definitely not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
There would be, I'm assuming there'd be a space gin involved. There'd have to be. I'm sure they've heard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
NASA contacted me and asked me if I wanted to do a collab on a space jet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
We don't know anything about the background of the relationship with her and her mother. Did she say they were close or anything? Did I miss that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Can you spit up a wedding? What's the etiquette around that if you say one comes to the church, one comes to the afters or one comes to the afters between five and six and one comes between seven and eight? Is that an option or is that insane?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
if her mom can maybe suck it up a little bit doesn't sound like she's gonna suck it up no communication is Kiva we always say this like we invented it we're the Mel Robbins of the let them theory we're like we invented this idea that communication is important I definitely have it out with her and be like do you understand how upset I am about this and then she will obviously kind of counter communicate her
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
communicate back and say well this is how strongly I feel about this and this is a deal breaker for me yeah she's probably using the chronic illness as an excuse as people do but if it upsets her if she's if she feels she's going to be that like it would take a lot for the mother if the relationship is good with the daughter to say you're not going yeah so that's obviously you know and then I think saying you're dead to me I don't think that's really don't do that don't do that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
And the stress of it. I was due to work with an ex of mine and I actually cancelled in the end. Because I was like, I didn't understand what was ahead of me. I didn't know how we were going to interact. I thought it was horrible. I think the whole event was cancelled in the end.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Cancel the wedding. Cancel the wedding. But I pulled out because I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm not. The stress of trying to anticipate the interaction and what was going to be like and Was he going to bring someone? Did I need to bring someone? It was so stressful that I was like, you know what? This actually isn't worth it. This isn't worth my mental peace. So I pulled out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
So I can understand completely from the mother's perspective if she has an issue with the new fiancé.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Well, look who it is. Back from St. Bartholomew's.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
The dynamics around weddings and the politics around weddings. My God, you need three spin and tee shocks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
You'd be thrilled. You'd be thrilled if Sandra didn't go to your wedding. You'd be like, I'll have the fish dinner. He can scrap that up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah. He'd just end up being you, Sandra, not even Spencer. Whatever she needs. I know, we love our mothers. We adore them. We'll do whatever it takes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, no, my mom, because when I was in New York, Pat was like, I'd love to go. I haven't actually invited her, but... I was like, okay, well, next time we'll head over for sure. Although Fitzpatrick's, they invited us to play paddle. They have a paddle course.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Oh, dear God. The boho vibes are over for you for seven days. Where are you off to next?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I said, there's no way I was going to travel out that far. Why would I go out there when I have Hoth on my doorstep? Maybe I'm really good at paddle and we can play it from the south side to the north side. Maybe I'll have great arm strength. We can bat away. 62 miles.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
That's longer than that space thing. We're further apart in Dublin than Katie's going to space, if that makes sense. I could paddle 62 miles.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Have you known? I'm surprised you don't have that labelled within an inch of its life and chipped and all sorts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
With your flip flops and your khaki pants. No flip flops. And your tank tops from the coast on route.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
But drag babies aside, were there grown women wearing heels on the beach?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I don't think even the Love Island girlies wear heels with their bikinis, do they? That's more kind of bodybuilding exercise. Towie. Do Towie wear heels with their bikinis? Do they be clacking around the pool? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
The club sandwich is on sale. Do they do happy hour or anything over there? No. No. Yeah, of course. No. There's probably a test. If you ask about a happy hour, you just get immediately evicted from the island. You're poor. Spit in your face, put you on a boat, send you away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
They can range anywhere from between 10 to 15 pounds. Cocktails are, now I do think cocktails are one of the biggest cons going. I think the upsell on cocktails is it's a con.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
10 out of 10 for presentation. That's amazing. Well, they have to somehow justify charging people that kind of cash for no alcohol. If and ever I go to St. Bart's, I won't be buying cocktails, but I will be drinking. I will just take mouthwash with me or anything that contains alcohol in it that is cheap. I'll buy a bottle of Listerine in the airport on the way over and make cocktails out of that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Joanne, I've got big news. Hit me. I love big news. I love all news sizes. But yes, big batter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Can you keep the little bath or do you have to hand the little bath back?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
You need to romanticize your life a bit more. That's what they say online now. Just kind of make your life more romantic for yourself. I mean, the kind of up your game, up your bougie game, up your presentation skills.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Well, because I know what you're like. You could have me open the internet within five minutes without my consent or knowledge and I'd be mortified. I've got a house guest. Is he listening? Hello, Grodd. He's not, but he's in the background. He's listening to himself doing a podcast. He's editing his own podcast. Thank God we don't have to do that. Oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
You know that big yellow lamp I have? You've seen it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
No, she's only just arrived. She's only just moved in. He's like, if you die, can I have it? I said, I can. And then he was like, well, stop getting all your smears and mammograms. And I said, well, I don't get them anyway. And his face absolutely dropped. And I, this is literally two minutes ago before I logged on. He's still looking at me, his jaws on the floor.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I said, I'm way too young for a mammogram. And he went, I'd say they give it to you. What age do people get mammograms at? I wonder what, Emily, would you mind Googling that? What age do you advise? We might as well learn something again about our bodies and women's health.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
God knows. We're ill-informed. 50 to 70, Garoud. Garoud! 50 to 70. Jesus!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
of him can I kick you out of the flat go down to the windmill hotel get your mammograms don't leave him the lamp hit him where it really hurts yeah do a will and leave it to me just in spite yeah I'll throw myself out the window with not a smear or a mammogram done just to teach him a lesson and give the lamp to you yeah how do you feel about that that'll learn him that'll teach him yeah I mean I'll be dead but I'll know on the way down before I hit the floor I'll know there's a lesson about to be learnt and it'll be worth it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Are we putting it out to the universe? Are we doing one of these things like I lost my engagement ring in a car crash if anyone sees it kind of thing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
All salvageable except for the sandals, I would say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
This is genuinely great news because I can't always make it to your
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Yeah, I'm water off a lost duck's back. I really let this stuff roll over me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I wonder what time it is in La La Land. Wherever you pray to. St. Anthony, absolute nut job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
bedroom drawer so I did go into Boots UK recently to try and look for you and you weren't there and I was I was confused because I have to say I already thought you were in Boots UK that's the kind of that's the kind of friend I am no Joanne did tell me we were on so I was like no we're not on there she was like you should get on and I was like oh wait we are on on um zap zap yeah yeah yeah congratulations great news
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
It will be because of St. Anthony. Up above, doing you a solid. Do you remember the time I lost my passport in the airport? So I went into departures, got through like check-in and everything. And then I was buzzing around inside. waiting to board the flight. And, you know, I like to board last because I don't understand what the rush is to get on the plane because it's tight and blah, blah, blah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
So I kind of sit back until everyone else is on and the gate's kind of flashing. But I'm watching. I'm always just sitting there watching. And I went aboard. The passport was gone. And it was Ryanair, of course. They wouldn't let me on. And I was flying from London to Dublin. Ryanair wouldn't let me on. And I was like, Arlingas would never do this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Went to the Arlingas desk and they were like, no, we can't let you on either. I was like, oh, rats. But Jen, it never, ever turned up. It never turned up. Never, ever turned up. Very strange. Oh, well, that gives me a great sense of hope. Thank you. And the Irish password. Of course, it never turned up. I'm sure it's worth 60 grand or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
I feel like a lot of people... I don't care once we win. Yeah, you're right. Let's not fact check that at all. Yeah, okay. That sounds legit. Good for us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Fleeced the bank accounts. Ran ragged. There was keys and it broke into the house. Yeah, yeah. Took the TV.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
yeah we really went to town that's where she got the Pilates bed and the skis I'm a full techno gym I'm back there now off the back of that gaff that we robbed and then of course I was like you know I was like I'm going to get it back and everything and we did find I did end up finding the person who owned the wallet it's so nice it's a great feeling to do something good but of course then I dumped the whole thing on Pat because I was like Pat you know I'm not going to be able to work out getting this thing back to them I was like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Where Pat then was down at the post office. Yeah. She sorted it out in the end. And of course, it took me ages to get the purse back. And he was like, oh, can I, any chance? I was like, oh, no good deed goes unpunished.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
You don't believe in karma? What the hell do you believe in? Nothing. I have no belief system. I'm repeatedly telling you this. I believe in absolutely nothing. It's tragic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Apparently Australia is a fight country. Did you ever hear that conspiracy theory? Apparently it's not true. Joanne's a flat earther. I'm a flat earther, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Oh my God. I was going to save this for the main. Let's discuss this for the main because I have a bit of jet lag at the moment. And when I say a bit, I mean like a violent amount. So I'm awake all night basically. But I'm lying awake at night and I'm watching TV and I'm scrolling. I'm doing all the bits and bobs. But mostly my thought process is, why the fuck is Katy Perry going to space?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
It's my big question. And now, I haven't bothered looking into it. I think it is a PR stunt as such. I also Googled what quantifies as space. It's only 62 miles up in the air. France is further away. Is she in the atmosphere, out of the atmosphere? She's breaking whatever little ceiling they have on, whoever decided what space is. So she's going up 62 miles up and then she's technically in space.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
They'll probably do a lap of the place and then she's coming back down. I couldn't be arsed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Then I googled what the distance from here to Paris is and it's further than 62 miles. And then I took a melatonin and passed out. So that's as far as my research has gone. But I mean, it's a big hullabaloo for very little as far as I'm concerned.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Lauren Sanchez? Yes. I hope she has her bapanthan ready for her skin because it's going to be a lot of drying out if she's going 62 miles up into the air.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Joanne's a Flat Earther"
Now I'd say they went further than 62 miles. Like I'd say Katie's going up with the full face of glam. Like I don't think it's going to be the same thing. I don't think she's going up to Southside to see if we can live on Mars. Like I don't think she's doing the real work of the astronauts. I think she's just going up to Fanny about up there. But like I said, 62 miles. Couldn't believe it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Hello, welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me. It is I, once again, Joanne McNally, with my co-host and confidant. Confidant?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I'm getting nothing out of this. I'm getting nothing here. It's horrible when you have that realisation. You're like, this, I didn't even like that. Like, what am I? What is this? Well, we're still, you're like, did that happen? Is it done? Sorry, what? You're like disassociating just to make it pass quicker. I know. It's awful. It's awful. So yeah, that would be our advice. Once again,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
What's the word? That's it. Communication. But quick, sharp, and not heavy. Not heavy. Slow it down. When you said have a couple of tequilas, I thought you meant kind of spike them to slow them down. That's a great advice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Get his mates over. Ask him to hold his legs back as he goes. There's loads of options.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Joe, okay. What would you say to that girl? You being a man who I'm sure has been enthusiastic at times. No shade.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
There's no point in going back and then having to go back. There's no point going back and then having to come back next year. Do you know what I mean? What's the point? Exactly. And luckily, I work for, I was going to say myself, but Vogue. And Vogue is allowing me to stay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Yeah, 100%. And then if that guy doesn't listen and doesn't take it on board, then, you know, that's a different conversation. But give him the information. Exactly. I told that to a guy once. I was like, I like a bit of chat during sex. And he's like, oh, okay. And then continued to ride me in complete silence for three more weeks. They listen with it out. Well, that works out really well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Well, that's what she is. You could hear a pin drop. Oh, God. Anyway, listen, I can't stay. I'm in Cape Town. I've got to go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
That just goes to show how problematic the education system is. Like, well, actually, no, sorry. That just goes to show how bad your memory is, I guess. I shouldn't blame the entire education system. But there is stuff that I, again, have been exposed to in school that I could not tell you anything about. One being the Irish language. Oh, I know. Two being maths. Anyway. Right. Well, that's it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
We're back on tomorrow for the Friday evening. I might just stay online.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Do you know what? I'll boost through the night and then I'll bring my what I won.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Like a cat with a mouse in its mouth. I'll come back tomorrow and give the deets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I told you, I'm on Hinge. I reset my, like, I've been operating out of Cape Town for, like, I've been here for a week, but I've been operating out of Hinge, Cape Town for three weeks now. How's it going? Do you know what, folk? Thanks for asking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
okay we actually really want to know like which anyone you can search yeah hold on i'll get my journal and read what's been happening do you know what actually not great yeah i thought there was loads of riots in there yeah there are loads of riots though but i'm not their bag so i was i wish i'd done a rat dating raps do you remember i was doing their dating raps
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
no I'm not dating so I don't know I never see them Joe did you get served up fucking parenting advice I don't get good things like dating wrapped they're really funny like your Spotify wrapped these were your top 10 songs you listened to and these are the top 10 lads there you go it's like the it's yeah it's the summary of your dating like kind of oh I like yeah it's really funny it's really funny so it's like number of hookups number of you know blah blah blah um
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I am doing, I am three hours a day on that thing. I am doing a shift every morning on Hinge to try and get something out of this place. Have you been boosting yourself? Have you gone cheap and you're not boosting yourself? I thought maybe because I was, I thought maybe. because I was far and I wouldn't have to boost. I thought maybe there'd be an extra bit of pizzazz to me, but now you're right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to be, I'm boosting at 8pm tonight. I'll be boosting through the night, which means I won't sleep with the excitement. 8am, me and 69 guys will be going through my set, my profile. So, if I do a dating rap, do you know what actually I've realized? And I spoke to my friend about this and she was like, stop agreeing to do that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
If I had to guess or estimate the amount of men who on Hinge ask me for my Instagram, they're like, oh, let's connect. Vogue knows where this is going.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Well, Vogue, the news, I don't even know how to defend it. I was going to try and come up with something really like kind of moral or ethical. I'm staying in Cape Town. I'll extend my stay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I'm doing a live stream from Wandsworth Women's Prison. They're like, okay, whatever. But they find my actual Instagram. They're like, oh no. She's real fucked up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
the internet in fairness mine would be a bit uh off-putting too a bit thirsty and stuff like that so i'm not sure like i don't think anyone's instagram is that great to be honest yeah look it's a bit much it's a bit much what i would say it's like it's a lot of access to someone's character before you've really seduced them with the fake thing that you're supposed to do okay so how can you hide who you are if they've got your instagram like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
And let's be real. My Instagram, the clips and stuff, like, that's the worst, probably, like, version. Like, oh, can I look at your stand-up? No. Oh, definitely not that. Yeah, so I was speaking to a friend of mine. She was like, okay, she went through my, she was like, don't tell them, don't give them your Instagram. So basically what I was saying was, there's three men.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Now this is, Jo, three is a lot. Like, one, okay, fine. Two, no. Three in the space of seven days. Because your Instagram. Can we connect on IG? Jürgen. Peter. Someone else can't remember his name. Peter. Peter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Peter's a bit hot. Jürgen's a bit hot. They're all a bit hot. Yeah, here's my Insta. Never to be heard again. Tumbleweed blown through my phone. So anyway, new plot. No one gets the details anymore. And I've changed my job to marketing. I have a great idea. And I'll report back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Yeah, I actually, do you know what, Vogue? All joking aside, fucking it's going that way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I've extended my stay. I cannot even listen to myself say, sure, I've got no kids anymore. I am sick of myself justifying my treat yourselves with the fact I've got no kids. I didn't even want to hear myself. Don't let me say, sure, I've got no kids anymore. Don't let me say it. God, Jo, she's on holidays again. She's on holidays again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I know you're trying to be nice because you're my friend and you'd never see a bad result about me, but... Vogue, you know I'm not nice to you because I'm your friend. I really struggle with being nice to you. I don't want to do it. If she sends me a nice message, I'm like, are you okay? Yeah, that's... You'll know I've been abducted. There will be signs. Hey, Vogue, how are you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Is there anything I can do for you today?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
she's been taken again get her ring pass she's not okay um anyway my point is i kind of thought i'd have a bit more traction and traffic over here i haven't had much uh i'll have to rejig the system i don't know what to do thirst traps joanne more thirst traps i know you know what joe i know i'm gonna have to i know yeah i just i just it doesn't come naturally to me but you're right i'm
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Why don't you go into your kitchen? I'll go from posting an ice cream to like full fucking naked, like full frontal nudity. With like a lollipop slipping down the inside of my legs. That's what I'll do. I'll have to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
You're like, Joanne, the gimp mask is a bit much. Come on now. Like, surely there's something less you can do. Put your fucking knickers on. Get out of the pool. I don't know what to do. It's doing nothing for my self-esteem, I can tell you that much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Thanks, Vogue. Do you know what, though? We've said it before. Jo, you can confirm or deny. care about personality at all or is it just my personality that's the problem there you go there you go i'll pour a drink give me give me 14 minutes because the glass will not be big enough
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Oh, yeah. It's like they're buying an egg white off him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Where's that newtchy bullet sound coming from? Someone's blending their greens. I know. I don't know what the solution is, really. It's getting weird now. It's getting weird, Jo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I feel like even if I had a family of five, I'd forget and I'd be like, I cannot stop saying it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Let's not go with that. Come on. I don't hate myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I can't be dealing with Christians, long walks or roasts on a Sunday. Do you know what, folks? Do you know what I think would be a nice idea? If one of our bonus acts, do you know the advice that we give badly? Wouldn't it be nice if Jo did it one week? Yeah. You have a male perspective that we don't use.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Wouldn't it be nice for a change of scene if one of the bonus apps when we do the emails that you gave the advice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
We're nearly done. I knew that. Yeah. I thought it was on parenting hell. I was like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I'm thrilled she's staying over there. It's 2025. We work remotely now, Jo, okay? Evidently. I work from Cape Town. Cape Town. Cape Town. I've no accommodation. That doesn't matter. It's just me and 63 gay men. I'm staying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Because whenever you start having sex with someone, they're not necessarily going to be amazing straight on. Firstly, talking about sex with someone, you know, it's kind of necessary. It's bare. Once you get going, it's grand. But also, you can say stuff in the moment that is, it's easier to do it if you sit them down. During sex, during sex. Listen, can I talk to you about sex?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
It kind of adds more weight than it maybe needs. Just when you're riding and be like, slow down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Slow down there, will you? I actually like it slow. I like it slow. Slow, slow, slow. Like you just, sometimes you can say, just get it out of the way in the middle of the ride. It has to be in the middle of the ride.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Just make it a throwaway comment instead of like a sit down conversation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I don't feel like this is the one that I should weigh in on. You're a speedy man, I can tell. Yeah. I can see that Joe. He's busy. He's a busy man. He's a bloody Duracell bunny. Thank you. Bad sex is, it's just the worst. It's the worst. Do you know what? It's no one's fault. It's not, he's not a bad ride. It's just, they just need to talk. You need to, you need to sync up. That's it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Yeah. Slow down. Slow down. Yeah. Slow it down and bring me the nunchucks. Just throw in all the weird shit during the ride. Yeah. Yeah. Just can't. Yeah. Instead of kind of sitting him down. That's what I think. Yeah. Do you know what's sexy? So I was seeing this lad during the summer and he was like a rider. Like he was riding everyone. Like he's a bit of a man of his time. A rider. A rider.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Mad into the horses. Mad into the horses. And a questarian. Professionally. And it was just a funny one. It was just weird. You're not compatible with everyone. That's the key. Once you start giving it loads of communication, if you don't know them that well, it can get a bit heavy. So do I. Throw it away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
Look, do you ever see, obviously I haven't spoken about Sex and the City in a while, so I'm going to throw it in here. Do you remember the episode where Samantha was like, talking this guy through having sex with her. Yeah. And she was, like, giving him kind of blow-by-blow directions. I mean, do I? Why not? There's no point.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "It's all WAY too vigorous..."
I hate being on the receiving end of a lad riding you and you get nothing out of it. It's so...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Man married 25 years, attends Thai massage parlour without telling wife. I mean, you don't need to be Poirot. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I actually said what's wrong with me because I'm like looking at the two of you like you're, like that you've got like one brain cell between you. You always look at us like that though. Yeah, that's true. That's why I have to wear the sunglasses.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Burghine on one side and tumbleweed on the other. I'm like, guys, come on. Let's join forces here. Your man's getting whacked off in the massage parlor. Fine. Let's not blow smoke up this woman's hell. It's clear what's happening here. I remember meeting a friend, a friend of mine, married male friend, in a dodgy part of town. And I was like, hi, what are you doing here?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Now, I'm being honest when I say I can't remember what I was doing there. I actually can't remember. I can probably have a good guess of what you were doing there. I honestly couldn't tell you what I was doing there. And I was like, oh, what are you doing around here? And he was so, and there was like a kind of infamous massage parlor around the corner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
And he was, he was like really flustered and blushing and awkward and everything. And I was like, ah, okay, yeah. You know, he kind of gave it away. He kind of, There was some telltale signs, but he seemed embarrassed. But like, I think it's kind of common practice amongst your kind, Joe, is it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Of course I remember. I think about it all the time. It was our Ibiza wellness show. The cameraman, I got really annoyed because the cameraman, like she was like, I know basically like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
paw yourself off and then the cameraman just stayed on me and I was like you can fuck off now if you think I said to them before we filmed I was like she's more inclined to do that so still I'm gonna get myself for for channel four you can well do you know what Sean we might have got a series out of it if you hadn't been so selfish That was it. They said, we would have commissioned it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I was like, she just wouldn't wank herself off for us. She's no crack. No, yeah. How dare she? She's meant to be a comedian for God's sake. Notions 11 over there. I'll even put her hand down her own pants for the TV. How dare you? That's it from us for now. We'll see you on the next one. Like and subscribe. I've been Vogue Williams. She's been Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. Sorry. Imagine they came back and they're like, well, your molecular age is 35, but you've got syphilis, Joe. What would you do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Oh, yeah. But I'd say Josie's riding rings around you on the slide.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I'm sorry. Now you're bordering on athletic. Like how could you only be four years younger? You barely drink.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah. Obviously now as a, as I said, the proud owner of a 42 year old woman's body, I woke up and immediately was like, got to get tested for the menopause. Let's see where these hormones are lying. Let's crack me open and do a, what do they do in the cars, Jo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah. Let's keep hammering this car analogy. It's working for us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
What gear is she in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Well, I am fertile. I think I'm lacking in progesterone. Which one's that now? You're having a clue. Estrogen. No, I have estrogen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
That's the main event as far as I'm aware. But I'm going to maybe bang in a bit of progesterone so that when I do get my Scandi sperm donor next summer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Vogue and I both had our biological molecular ages tested for Catherine Ryan's new podcast about aging. Yeah. And I've had my results. Yeah. They will appall and shock. My outsides are 42 officially. I'm now the proud owner of a woman's 42 year old body.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I'm going Scandi. I'm going to go Scandi, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah. Yeah. And a bit of a thinker.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I'd be more into the looks myself. I'd like a thinker. Good style. You know, I want that baby born in like Air Max. I don't want to have to dress it myself. I want it to pop out fully clothed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I love it I'll put it in a little boiler suit perfect and I'll get a towel ring immediately I want a styling baby little fat feet little towel ring on it but anyway sorry so I went in the evoker clinic where I usually go and get bits and bobs done when I'm home where is that I don't mean to say is that in Wicklow or where is it yeah they have a couple they have a couple actually but they're the one that I went to the one they've been doing in Kirkwinds
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
They have a menopause clinic within their clinic because menopause is huge right now. It's really having a moment, like protein. It's just everywhere. Everyone's talking about it. Everyone wants a piece of it. But the problem is, women don't know. It's like this untangible, it's like this spooky boogie. Is it Boogeyman? The Boogeyman.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
The Boogeyman. The Boogeyman. It's the Boogeyman. Boogeyman. Boogeyman, no? So you don't know, you just apparently go insane. This is the general narrative about menopause.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah, so, exactly. So I spoke to the doctor in there and I was like, I'm just, you know, am I just insane because I'm insane? Yeah. I'm apparently, is it the pre-gesterone? I was like, throw a bit of testosterone in there while you're at it, will you? Not enough to grow a beard, but just enough to give me a bit of attitude. And she was saying, she was like, people are so scared of menopause.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
She said, there's a lot of fear mongering. She said, ultimately, like the severe symptoms are about 25% of people get them or less even. I think she said even less. And also she was like, you're way too young. I was like, am I Perry? Am I Perry? Am I dead? Anyway, like you say, I went in for a consultation. I'm going to go back and get bloods done next week and just see the lay of the land.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Josie's kind of the brains behind the operation, as the wife usually is. Let's be real.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Joanne, you're a bit burgundy yourself. Oh, chronic overthinker. Joe, chronic underthinker. Thank God I'm here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I'm here just to mediate, to be honest. You've got to keep this shit calm. I would say if I had to describe my brain, which I have had to do a bit recently for various appointments. It's like, do you know, have you ever seen a moth keep banging into a light bulb? Yeah. I was like, that's how my thought system is. And then the next... Yeah. Nothing fully formed. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
You just move on to the next one very quickly. No, back into the same light bulb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Light bulb. Different thought. Same light bulb. Yeah. Yeah. So look at the three of us. We're a right pair, the three of us, as they say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
When she says collagen, does she mean chips? No collagen. So I have collagen in my coffin. This just sounds like some classic white guy invoke.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Her ever-growing team.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I think if sunflower seeds were the key we'd all be on the seeds. I'm trying it out. The packaging would just be tits. Like they'd be really using that as a, as a USP. I can tell you. But good for you. I got on to you. Yeah. I was on to. Between a small chested woman and her sunflower seeds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Just drinking water, girls, and a bit of SPF. That's all there is to it, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
I'm like, is Mercury in retrograde again? Yeah. Mercury's in retrograde again. For God's sake.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Just get a good night's sleep, girls. And 60 billion grams of Botoxinide. Anyway, I'll wait until I'll tell my age when Vogue gets her results.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
That is because you are a woman. This woman who has emailed in has jumped to the correct conclusion. Come on, Jo. Maybe. You just don't know. This isn't, I know that I have a tendency to assume. But I'm assuming correctly here, he's definitely getting an old hand shanty, as they say. And you know what? Fucking let him off. Like, as in, you're married 25 years. He's not having an affair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Men think that having this long staying power, like not ejaculating too soon is some sort of superpower. It's not. Get in, get out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Everything included.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
This is the kind of high end stuff we cover.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
We've heard of her. She's big into etiquette. You do know her, you know her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, and it's not often I would suggest bringing back this saying, but what Focus just said there, I would have to say, Hundy P. It's been a while. I feel like it works here. You're so right. I think... We agree. As crimes against monogamy go, getting a handjob out of a massage parlor seems very low to me. Like very, not a huge crime is what I'm trying to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Vogue, what is the colour, please, of your upcoming book, Big Mouth, please?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
It's pink, but I'm wearing orange, Jo. Oh, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
I've got... Sorry. I just did a bit of Googling and I've got an autumnal equivalent to the word spring. Is it spring normal? No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Of the spring. Vernal. It is a vernal time of year. Everything's quite vernal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
It's lovely that the sun's been out and the flowers are starting to come out. It's all very vernal. Oh, I like that, Joe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Do you know what? I've got other words for the other seasons as well that we haven't got that eye on to autumn at the moment. And as we get to them, I'll let you know what they are. Yeah, let's save that for the main, will we?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
And this episode is going out next Wednesday, so none of it makes sense, really. So Happy Mother's Day is what we're actually saying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Everyone needs an orgasm, right?"
Like... You made one chicken pie.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
I'm not sure if surveilling people without them knowing, is that not illegal?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Of course, you're just looking for it, aren't you? I wonder where my AirPod is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours."
Why did you ruin it, Joe? Oh, I just wanted to say something for effect, you know, and I got a reaction out of you, didn't I? You did. Well, do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Yeah, put the lights on, mate. That's sad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Joe, we don't work when you're not there. Sorry, my child came back into the house and I had to facilitate her momentarily. Oh, oh, oh.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
Why did she come back into the house? No, crucially, she's not out working. She's not at nursery, which involves trying to do a day's work at home with a two-year-old in the house, which is so easy and so relaxing. Oh, God, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "His ex is a 10/10..."
In fact, I used to live with one of the writers for Waterford Whispers. No way. Who? I can't tell you his identity. I can't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You don't have to worry about it. And then whenever I have, I'll tell you and then you'll go to someone and get it like done so you don't get that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Yeah, I know. You don't appreciate the wisdom that I impart backwards to you. And neither do you, Jo, actually, frankly, now that we've brought it up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Okay, wait. I told you to get that knee done. Where are we?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
2024 is the olden days. Like I call that back in the day now. Like, like that's cholera times.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
As long as we can't see the thoughts. That's the point of thoughts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
We'd all be off to Dignitas. We couldn't cope.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
No, but you know what I will say, in fairness, that I agree with this man 100%, right? Like, I really do. But I think we've always kind of flagged that, as in, you know, that we get that sexual relationships change and appetites change, and that's what makes it so fucking hard. That's why polyamory is, like, really having a moment at the moment.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Are we? Are we going case-by-case? We are going case-by-case here, Joanne McGuire. Good to know. It is true. We're case-by-case now. Yeah, we're case-by-case. Okay, let's hear us out. Judge Reidy. Judge Reidy will take all rights.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
We'll let you know. But you know, it's just so funny as well. It's always like your own life experience and context and everything. Like if you've been on the receiving end of someone fucking you over like that, you'll have no patience for any of it. If you have been the one who's struggled in a relationship and kind of acted out, you obviously have more empathy for it. But yeah, I mean, I get it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Like life is long and... Like Esther Perel says, sex is in the unknown, desire is in the unknown, lust is in the unknown.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Yeah, I mean, obviously we're not professionals, but I mean, I really... Once the sex goes, you're like... Although, do you know what I will say? Do you know what I will say? What, what? We've said this before and this is... Terrible advice. But like all of our advice is terrible.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Are you going to suggest a wank sleeve? Get a wank sleeve. We're like Joan and Jerrica. Do you ever listen to Joan and Jerrica? The podcast where they intentionally give really bad advice to women. Where they're constantly saying like, maybe your rubbish does not attract you because you start making an effort. That's what we're starting to sound like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
exactly look listen the truth is we don't fucking know what we're talking about but we appreciate you writing in and also we just want to say we get it this is why I haven't gotten married okay that's my other advice go back in time undo it no we're joking that's bad no because he loves her they're going to get through it you're going to figure it out maybe she's just going through a little phase and everything will be fine soon
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Do you know what though? It's the reality. It's the reality of long-term relationships. Unless you're blessed with a burning groin 24 hours a day, seven days a week and like fair play to you. I'm nothing but respect. I would love that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
no you wouldn't not burning in a syphilis I mean I mean that like just if you've like testosterone spilling out your eyeballs and for women as well I mean like just any like if you are that person who can't keep your hands off your partner day in day out fucking mazel tov hats off fair play I don't know anyone in that situation it's all swings and roundabouts and it's but it is sad because you feel rejected like I've been on the receiving end of it and I've also been the one that doesn't want to do it anymore and it's horrible in both positions to be honest
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Well, that is my own story to tell. That is not... That's it for the wellness. I've been Joanne. She's been Vogue. And he has been Jo. Goodbye. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye. Like and subscribe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Sorry. Like, so what are you saying to me? That a woman with a strong calf... I can't ski.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
It's like a Roald Dahl book. You're like Mrs. Trunchkin. What was her name? You're one of the shop putters. Mrs. Trunchbull. Mrs. Trunchbull with the big Soviet Union bun. Do you remember her?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
It's a tight bun. It's a no-nonsense hairstyle. It's like nothing can get in the way. I have enough to deal with with the calves. Do you know what I mean? I can't have anything falling in the face.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I find that, like, that bothers me because, you know, not everyone who skis has the legs of Gwyneth Paltrow. Some women who ski...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You know, the skiing community is lucky to have you, frankly. Your poor calves. You'd want to make sure now you'll get a varicose vein if you keep that up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I'm going back in now. I have another little one bubbling up on the kneecap that needs to be clipped out and it's not going to be lasered off. My varicose veins, I don't mean to brag, but they're way more, what would I say, violent than yours. Yeah, yeah. Mine aren't like, oh, cutesy lasered off veins.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Local is like when they kind of do it in the local area. So they'll just like do the... Surely it's local now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Yeah, they're gone now. Well, it's in like, you know, first one was general. Next one was local. Third one was local. And this is going to be the fourth one. Fourth one, she says proudly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just keep coming back. Not great. The only thing my body seems to rejuvenate is Vargas Vance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I think, yeah, I wonder, sometimes it's quite jarring when you see the face attached to a voice that you're so used to hearing but have never seen. And I guess you're that guy, Jo, you're jarring Jo. You jar, you jar people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I said this before. When the doctor, the first time that I had them done, he had me stood up on a box and he was drawing circles around them. He was like, who gave you these? Because he's like, these are genetic. And I was like, I don't know actually. And then when I found both my birth parents, I asked the two of them and they're both... As you can imagine, heavily denied it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Oh yeah, like full judas. They were like, I don't know what you're talking about.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I know, yeah. She gets, Pat gets away with everything. I wouldn't be surprised if she somehow managed to flex nature. Wouldn't surprise me at all. Anyway. Between your calves and my varicose veins, we shouldn't be seeing for the waist down. Joe, how are you from the waist down? Genitals aside.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
So, OK, Jo, that's a great question. Thanks for asking. This is like my own episode of Embarrassing Bodies. So basically, I said the same thing. I said, how many of these veins can I afford to lose, doctor? And he said, well, once they become varicose, which is how the medical community pronounces it, they no longer work anyway. So they are of no use to your body.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Kind of like the appendix, Vogue. Yeah, I guess. Similar. Do we also have our appendix here? It's not like if the heart kind of slows down briefly, they're like, fuck it, whip it out. These veins are no longer functioning. Yeah, they're just a waste of space. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I have my own tonsils. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, I'll be honest. I wish I hadn't. They were, they tormented me. I'll never forget when COVID, when we took the masks off. And do you remember Dennis the mechanic?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Yeah, with the jay cloth as a hand towel. Indeed, Vogue, yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Oh, God. I should have done my... I should have done a dating rap, really, to be honest. I was thinking about doing one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I was like, I don't know if I can actually handle the trauma of doing it. I think I'd have to sedate myself. The shit we put up with. Anyway, yeah, so Dennis, who had a jaycloth as a hand towel, folded it over and presented like a hand towel in his bathroom...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
We were wearing, remember we'd been wearing face masks for ages and then we all, the face masks, we were given the thumbs up to take the face masks off. And so I obviously just started wearing the face off the mechanic within, I don't know, seven minutes after we got the thumbs up. And then the next day, I was like, oh, my throat feels. And within 24 hours, I had the worst.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
And I've had tonsillitis my whole life. The worst case of tonsillitis. It was brutal. They were like bulbous. They were like marbles on my tonsils, these white marbles. It was so painful. And when I went to the doctor, she was like, it's because we've all been protecting our mouths for so long that there hasn't been a lot going in. And I'd only have you let like the environment in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
You let this J-Cloth wielding MMA fighting mechanic into your mouth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
He actually was. He was quite hot, yeah. A tongue condom, Joanne. Ha ha! You know me, I'd be like, take that off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Is Joe. I know, it's hard. That's why we shouldn't divulge. I said, let's not post. We just, it's upsetting. I met Joe in real life. I was so upset. We don't want to let people down, you know. Let's not ruin the year. It's only started.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Yeah, they do do something. They do kind of protect something like your insides or something. They do definitely have a job. There is a reason why they're there. They're not just flapping around in there for no reason.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
by the way sorry as much as our tonsils thighs and knees are fascinating to the listeners can we take a minute for the golden globes did we see did we watch i only watched yeah i watched her i watched her stuff she was fucking hilarious She was fab. She kind of, I would say, brought it back from the brink. Do you remember last year with your man, Joy?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I can't remember his surname and I stood up for him. I liked him, but he struggled is what we would say. And it was, you know, struggling on that level. I mean, it's not easy. It was like a global public struggle, but Nicky went in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
yeah with the eyelash and the she's like I love your eyelash above your lip she's so she was she kind of went viral when she did Tom Brady's roast but she's like a stand up but in America they love those roasts they love them that's where Martha that's how Martha Stewart came back she roasted Snoop Dogg that was her comeback but
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I auditioned for Comedy Rose Battle when I first started out, when I first moved to the UK. Yeah. And I was like, I really don't want to do this. But obviously I kind of, if you're asked to audition, you just do. And I was up against Kelly Convay, who is another comic. We're good friends. She opened for Sackhouse a couple of times. We hang out and stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
And so we did it together, which was kind of worse, actually, because... It's so personal. I don't know. Anyway, I didn't get the job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Not to their face. I mean, you know yourself. You'll have a little job at the time, you know, with friends, but like... I just, I don't enjoy watching it. I don't find it fun to watch. You know, I'd rather watch Schitt's Creek. I don't want to watch a married couple call each other's stretch marks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
There was a couple that did it before, a married couple, and he said that she put on so much weight, but she was also depressed and he didn't know whether... there were stretch marks or self-harm scars on her. Like, yeah, stuff like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
She was like laughing and all. Like, it is actually kind of funny, but it's also like, I wouldn't, it's not how I want to spend my Saturday night. Anyway, I didn't get the job. But fair play to Nikki Glaser. I thought she did a great job with the golden gloves.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Exactly. Yeah. If I can just be sent, I've no problem doing that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Yeah. It was the tone or something. I just didn't like the tone of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
I know you look at those nipples all day long, but it's all about the tone. Like he didn't give it. There was no wink at the end. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I intervened. Yeah. I don't have it sad. I can say you've got shit tits, but if your husband says it, it's totally different.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Oh, Jesus. What the heck? Go on. I'm ready for the insult. What's this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
Well, that's inappropriate. And also, sorry, obviously I'm taking the piss. You don't have shit tits. What you have is the very demure disco tit, which is... A disco tit, yeah. Apparently, I read a very interesting article recently and it's talking about that, the amount of women catapulted who are having breast reductions that the small tit is in. The small tit is lit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
There's more women having reductions now than ever before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
They're under 100 mil. You can take them on yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Sex is off the cards."
It's just that it's like, you know... Everyone has different levels. Do you know what? That's exactly what it is. Some people like to make their ridings loads. Other people, they want more. Other people want less. It is what it is. Anyway, carry on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Sorry, I missed that bit. Okay, fine. I thought she was just taking the heavy load. Oh, I see. Okay, so this, Vogue, you'd be probably more experienced to answer on this because you have a husband and kids and all that jazz. I'm not as experienced in this area. But I just can't get my head around the fact that, and I'm not being flippant, 10 grand is, of course, it's 10 grand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But it's hardly worth all this. Like, if I was married to a man and found out that he was on a massive salary more than me, would I think he was hiding it? No, I wouldn't. Go me. Go Joanne. Yeah, I'd be like, this is great for the family that we don't have. You should pay for everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Oh, but the pain, like I left my trays on for too long. I did some whitening before and I had a photo shoot the next day. It was like a press call thing. And none of the photos went anywhere because I couldn't open my mouth. Because it's like the wind whistling through your teeth. They're so sensitive. It's horrible. Even the wind was getting in. Yeah, the teeth look great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
A while back, I dated a guy who had way more money than I had. And I actually wasn't working at all at the time. I was just post madness. And he was, he was, he was, he... was the earner. And he was very generous to me. But then what I noticed, it was actually how I noticed he was like falling out of love with me. He started getting resentful about picking up bills for things like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Like I think when you're mad about someone, you don't really care. Money's funny. It really gets in the way and it brings out a side of people that it mightn't be their best side, do you know? And especially when there's a female-male dynamic, I think money can be particularly tricky, which isn't helping this woman. I'm not answering her question, really.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
But I just know myself from being, again, the one with less money in the relationship and the one with more money in the relationship. And I'd rather be the one with more money, I have to say. I find when someone, you do feel a bit, because if you're with someone who has a lot more money than you, they want to do things that fit their pocket. They want to do expensive things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
They want to go to expensive restaurants. They want to enjoy life. their success and enjoy their cash. So then they kind of have to take you along with them and you don't have the money that they have and you end up feeling like a bit like Oliver, do you know what I mean? Oliver Twist, you're like, oh God. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
And then you kind of get used to it and then you can feel that they're getting resentful. It's all very messy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I just can't. This to me sounds like this man is suffering from some sort of paranoid delusion. Like... Why does your brain go to that she's trying to build a nest egg to leave you? There's obviously a lot more going on in this marriage than just this. And like I say, I was expecting there to be a much bigger discrepancy there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
His reaction, the discrepancy in salary does not warrant this wild reaction from this man. Crazy behaviour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I don't have a husband and kids, so I don't know. I don't know how that works. But yeah, I say, you know what I say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
You've got to share. Oh, that's a good bit of advice. That's why I will never marry anyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
That's why I will never live with someone for a certain period of time. I'm happy to leech off someone else, but I will simply not have anyone leeching off me. And that is the human contradiction. I am fallible. I am flawed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Between the two of us, you know, that's life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah, I was on my bike and I was like, oh my God, I cut the right stuff. I use those crest whitening strips that I buy in the States. They're fantastic. They're fantastic. And a dentist recommended them to me, so they can't be that bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Before we go, I've released a show in Dubai. I loved your Dubai video. Thank you. Oh, sorry. October 9th. Sorry, Jo. Thank you. Thank you. I'm moving into acting. You're moving into... I saw that, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Oh, I should have got him little boxing gloves for his birthday. That's a great... Well, you still have time. You haven't got him anything for his birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Two days ago. Yeah, but I saved bits. I saved bits. You little snake. I've been very busy. Have you? I've been very busy. I've had several important appointments. The main news is I was worried about this for a while. I have my concerns. It has been officially diagnosed from a professional. I am going bald. I am.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah, thank you. And I really appreciate the support. But I think we all know I am suffering from, from early female patterned baldness I went to so I've been giving out about the front of my hairline for ages and there's the Montreal Clinic in London I don't know if you've been in there fucking stunning anyway they very kindly were like do you want to come in and we'll have a look at you
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
My hair has not recovered. I have a lot of hair. I've always had a big head of hair. My biological father had what can only be described as kind of a Roscommon afro. Huge hair. And... But the front of the thing... Now, I've had... I've been bleaching it and you know the way you heat and you curl it and all this stuff and I had the slag strips and they were...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
snapping off but there's been no regrowth so the the you're so this woman is a sculptor she's like one of the best in the business her whole thing is hair loss obviously and hair is her thing and I was kind of embarrassed going in because I was like oh she's gonna just think I'm being vain but I am but like that hair is really important everyone wants a good head of hair don't they anyway she went in she goes she was she
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
pulled my hair back. We did before photos. She had a look. She goes, yeah, yeah, you are suffering from early female patterned baldness. Now, Vogue. Yes. Now, I'm sick. In the head. Finally, I have diagnosis I can work with. Yeah. So, I'm going to start... Hang on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Well, what she said... I was like, look, how do I end up not looking like Walter... How do I end up not looking like Walter Goggins? What's his name?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I'm not. I'm not doing a Goggins on it. I'm not doing a Goggins on it. Jo, I don't need your patronising, mansplaining chat from a man with more hair than a llama farm. Yeah, Jo, in fairness, Jo, get off your ivory tower there. He's trying to be supportive. And I understand that. Thank you, Jo. I'm not going Goggins on it. So I was like, what am I going to do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
My forehead is starting to look like a six head, seven head. My forehead's getting progressively bigger. Imagine how much extra Botox I'm going to need. I'm not paying for that. So I'd rather pay... Imagine the extra foundation and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah. I'll have to do a full-blown collab with Charlotte Chilbury to afford it all. Anyway, we talked about it. She was like, there's tablets you can take, but the tablets aren't localised. So you end up getting hair everywhere. So do you know what she actually recommended? Now I'm going to, I'm trying a couple of things with her. She said Regain. She said it's really, really good. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
And she said, you have to be really patient because hair growth takes a long time. And she said, usually people just give up and that's why they don't see results. But Regain, and she said, the men's one, because they kind of try and trick women into thinking they need their special one. She said, the men's one's perfect. Just start putting Regain on. And she said, you will see results.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I remember doing a lot of VO for the Investigator, you know, the John Investigator series, the Avril and the Furby one. And you kind of... It's like when you overthink walking and then you just fall down. It's when you speak so much, you kind of forget how to pronounce words because you're so focused on how you sound and it's discombobulation. I agree.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Isn't that mad? So there we are. I'm on the Regain. Like Aidan from Sex and the City.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
See, there is stuff about hormones and stuff. She was saying there's certain stuff you can take for hair growth, but if you get pregnant or you're trying, you know, you kind of have to come off it or the baby, I guess, will be covered in hair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah. So we discussed all those options, all those options. But now I have a scalp dermatologist. And we're going to stop getting any more receding and maybe even grow some of it back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
don't say shiny it's triggering look at that look how shiny it is did you run out of powder when you were doing your makeup today how do I bring up the shining folk please some sensitivity
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
love it it's like one of those TikTok trends when you know those trends they're saying probably should have just gone to therapy but they're doing something insane instead so you come back with a full head of hair and a full set of turkey teeth it's the teeth for me oh but I Dr. Layla Asfor is her name I was also her name's Layla Layla yeah it's nice yeah what's that song there's a song with Layla in it that I love Layla it's called Layla oh Layla it's what's his name Eric Clapton Eric Clapton
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
There you go. Have you been diagnosed for ADHD yet? Just a thought. Just a wreck. Just a wreck out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I do remember you used to cycle remember you need to get a bike I know I'm in I am I'm gonna get a bike I am gonna get a bike it's my it's my it's my aim for this summer do you find do people send you on insta updates on your ex-boyfriends
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Welcome to Both Harp and Scouse to Me, with myself, Joanne McNally, and Beau Billings.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Yeah. Well, someone on Insta sent me what I thought was a photo of a guy that I used to go out with. of it on Insta. I don't know why she was sending it to me. I don't know why. I think she just thought I needed to see what he was up to. But I clicked it and it was his Insta story. Oh, no. Oh, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
So now, having been no contact for however, whatever length of time, I've now randomly watched one of his stories because a woman called Aoife on Instagram posted Screwed me over.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
She's keeping a tight eye. I was like, Aoife! I can't believe he just did that. She was like, oh, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I feel our advice is balanced. I feel you dragged me down. And ill-informed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
that's why that's why it's best the less we think the better vow we've always thought that 100% less thinking out of us we start breaking when we think yeah let's not think about anything okay let's just move forward just keep going forward no thinking do you notice anything different about me okay it forwards a little to okay
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Recently, we had a meeting with a financial advisor.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
So £10,000? Yeah. That's not a huge amount at all, really. No. That's a difference in salary. And she's paying for all the holidays and all?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Wow, that is quite the leap. That's escalating.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Most men don't like if their partner earns more money than them. I would say this is all alpha shit. Carry on, Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Actually, sorry, I take it back. Men don't mind if their partner... Sorry, I need to process my thoughts. Continue reading. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Hold on a second. Is she on 100 grand more than him? It can't be 10 grand. It's 10. It's 10.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
Did she not say that she's paying for the family holidays?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
I don't say this lightly, but I'm going to go back to the old... Leave him. Jo, honestly, you put me in her box. I'm in the box with her. This is a leave of situation. No, OK, fine. I'm processing. Leave him. Come back maybe later in the day, but walk out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "My husband went pale..."
It's no difference. You always look like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I want to know what the business class is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Hold on a second now. With the last lad? Are you out of your mind? Oh no, not that one. No, I'm talking about this guy. I'm talking about that lad. Yeah. Not the other one. Anyway, we're going to need an Excel doc to keep up with these. I'm not riding rings by myself. Are you sure?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Love is about safety. So it makes sense that you fall for people who feel like home. They say like, so it's familiarity, you know. They say it's actually pure narcissism because you know the way people are like attracted to people who have loads in common with themselves. Like we've so much in common. Basically what you're saying is, I'm mad about myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
You know, that does make sense because the smell is such a trigger for memory. And if your husband smells like your dad or if your husband smells like your stepfather, that is definitely an issue. But no, I think this is fine. I think it's nice that if I was her father, I'd be chuffed. I'd be like, oh, this is really sweet. My daughter is trying to turn her boyfriend into me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
But no, I think it's really lovely. I'd love to meet a man who is basically the exact same as my mother is. I would. That's how I know I'm going to get looked after. When Pat passes, who's going to look after me? I'm hardly going to start doing it myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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She'll just come down with all her bags and her black outfit. I'm glad you called it a torch to wear and not a cross to wear. It's kind of a mix there of like pride, but also sadness.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Folk, I don't speak German. I've told you. I... I don't know what you're saying to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Yeah, I've not got to that bit yet, but I will know soon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Very dramatic. I think it just means I'm late in Irish. We love a drama. We love a drama. The language is very dramatic, I will say. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe and tell your mates about us if you think they might like to listen to us also.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Not that one, the other one. And she's like, oh yeah, she knows it straight away I'm talking about. And anyway, I got it into my head that it was all my fault and went in to get bloods. And I was like, I'm paying menopause. And the doctor was like, Joanne, you're not actually. She's like, do you think maybe you just don't fancy your... The minor steep and wits. And I was like, oh, I...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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That literally had not occurred to me because the female angle on it is, well, I'm with someone, so I'm just kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me. It's my fault. It's my hormones. I'm obviously falling barren. But yeah, I'm Grant. Just didn't fancy your man. Gas, isn't it? It is gas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Well, but at least if you have, if it's good, you know, if it's more good than bad, fine. Oh God, yeah. But this was just all bad. I don't know why the two of us stuck it out. I'll never know. I don't think he knows either. It was very strange. It was like we were trying to fit a square peg into a round hole because other things really worked very well, but that just didn't work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
This is a Global Player original podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Honestly, I didn't fucking trust him. That's the bottom line. And if my body doesn't trust you, my body's not going to, it's not going to lean into you. It's not going to give, you know, it's not going to do what it needs to do or it's not going to do what it wants to do. If it doesn't, if it's like, nee, nee, nee, nee, that's, and that's ultimately what happens.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
That's, do you know, Do you know what? A high body count does not a good rider make. Sometimes... He's a good rider.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I imagine me and Spanna would struggle with the same issues as me and this gentleman struggled with. It would be very strange and like... Oh, hello.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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No, I tried that with the last lad, still didn't work. Told you I was going to pretend he wasn't there. We were both like, okay, what if... This is the lad, he's like, I don't know how to access your feminine energy. He was like, that was the problem. I was like, what if we turn off all the lights, cover the keyholes, but there's no lights in the room? You know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And you can pretend I'm someone else and I'll pretend you're someone else. This wasn't happening for us, sadly. Not a runner. So anyway, back to the perimenopause. Sorry, don't have it. Just didn't fancy her, man. Gas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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We're just taking a sweet walk down memory lane, aren't we? I'd rather it was you, Joanne. I know, I know. There's something, there's a brother, sister, sibling situation that just never needs to enter the bedroom. My poor brother, I don't know how he holds his head high in the office with all the talk, all my riding talk that I do, even at the show and all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Well, that's the thing. The thing is, the second, like, so I speak to women who are a little older than me about it now, because obviously I'm 41. So it's my new concern, you know, because there's no, you don't know. The story goes, because remember On All Fours, the Miranda July book that I read?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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that was all about the menopause and how she lost her mind but she didn't realise why she was losing her mind so and as someone who has previously lost their mind you don't realise you've lost your mind because it's your reality do you get me and it's only when other people start saying I think you've lost I think you've lost your mind and you're like what so it's apparently it's the same with the menopause anyway the plan is pump I'm going to keep going in for these tests and they'll look at my hormones and then the second it looks like it could be the beginning of something I'm going to pump myself full of the HRT hmm
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm going to get in ahead of us. I'm going to nip that in the bud. I'll keep an eye out too. It's coming for us. Yeah, anything I do now, I'll be like, have you had your hormones checked? It's time for the HRT.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'll be like, Joe will be like our gaslighting husband. He'll be like, girls, I think it might be time for the HRT.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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anxious I can deal with it sleep I can't I can't yeah it's all ahead of us it's all ahead of us Jo not you not you Jo not you I'm sorry I'm sorry it's not me well do you know what actually do you know what you're doing very well with because men it's hair hair loss I think is the big issue for men that's something I do kind of feel a little sorry for lads I know I feel very lucky in that you have a full head you have a great head of hair Jo
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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No, Culture Pocket. The Culture Pocket. Yeah, Culture Pocket. Yeah, I was like, let's start a Culture Pocket where we recommend what we're just kind of like, you know, what we're listening to. And well, that's it. Reading, listening to with our eyes and our ears.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Well, Vogue, I'm very much looking forward to having these book recommendations from you once you're finished reading them. And I will come down and I will steal them from you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Bookshelves, no less. I got some bookshelves, yeah. I should remember a couple of years ago I wasn't even reading. Look at me now. This is quite the rebrand, Vogue. Quite the rebrand. I'm writing, I'm reading, I'm non-stop with the books. She's got shelves now. She's got bookshelves.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I sound like I'm riding rings around myself. Not, really not. Oh my God. You're actually not that busy, no. Did I tell you I went in for bloods? Because I've been scrolling so much TikTok that I was like, I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yeah. She's got a plister on the way. I'm reading So Thrilled for You by Holly Byrne. I call it Byrne. Actually, do you know what? I don't think so. I think she's English. Although Marion Keys, she has a quote from Marion Keys in the book but Marion Keys does, she's very generous, she does give a lot of quotes. Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Fairly enjoying it. That's what's in my pocket.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Do you know what in my pocket reminds me of? Do you know Abandoned Man? He's the Irish kind of hip hop comic who like raps comedy. He's actually Irish. And he has a song. He has a song. He improvs. Improvs hip hop, I guess is what you call him. I never really understood how to explain Abandoned Man. He's really sound. He's cool. But anyway, he has this song. What's in your pocket?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And then everyone at the show, like you pull out what's in your pocket and then he raps it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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oh I love that it's so good so every time I hear what's in your pocket I think of a band of mine just in case he tries to sue me for plagiarism Rob I do I am aware it's kind of your thing but you can't own pockets Rob okay you can't own pockets I feel like he might be able to own pockets by the sounds of it now I haven't seen him personally but yeah okay fine yeah Rob you can't own pockets it's not right to ask you gotta share pockets will we do some listener emails we will indeed music
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal. I was engaged with a man.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
So this is the future me. This is me. I figured I'd turn travel. This is you next year. I've sent an email back through a wormhole. Yeah. This is, this is I met my younger self. It's that, that trend that's going around. Anyway, go on, focus. Sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Oh, here. Just bang an incel off that now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
I would find that very unusual now if somebody asked me to go and watch them play Lego.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Couple of things. I think this woman, she reminds me of myself. She's at, she has probably got her own space. She is what I call problematically independent. She's not malleable. She's not willing to bend. She's not, she doesn't need someone to make her complete, which makes meeting someone unusual. much harder because you don't really need them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Because relationships, a lot of it, it's about swapping resources and stuff. So you're like, I don't really need them. And I'll tell you this, he does notice the art in your house. He does. Because I've had that with lads who come in and they'll say nothing about it. And actually, sometimes, and then the ones who come in and go, oh, I love this and that and that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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but sometimes there was one guy who came in and he was actually playing me a little bit by not acknowledging anything in the flat it was all very strange but then asked if he could move in when I was in the States he didn't he didn't acknowledge that giant lamp the giant one that wasn't here when that particular gentleman was calling what I mean is I think men it's a mess when you get to your 40s and you're self-sufficient dating gets gnarly it gets tricky it's not like it was
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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You're just super duper picky now. And you need someone to match your level. You're bringing nothing to the table. Unless you're bringing something I don't have to the table, you're bringing nothing to the table. And also, I don't eat at the table. And the problem is, when you're in your 40s, you start bringing a lot of shit to the table because you have 40 years behind you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I was in a tryst. I was in a tryst. And the sex wasn't good. It wasn't good. It wasn't good. It wasn't good. Folk, why are you pretending to be surprised? You're such a pro. You know every inch of this story.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I know. I just think there's... I think that maybe the Lego is the straw that's broken the camel's back. There's more going on here. She's bored of these lads. They're not stimulating her. And now she's like, Lego. He probably sees...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
her apartment thinks she's quite artistic she enjoys art she's like oh what can I do to bring something like new to this woman's life or something interesting you know the way lads God love them they're always trying to kind of think outside the box with stuff we're like I just want to get pissed at dinner get back in your box I don't want to build the box I don't want to build it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Cut him. This has to go. It's not for you. I can hear it in her voice. Yeah, yeah. Which is your voice. I can just hear it in the town, which is your town, but I just know this isn't right. This is exactly like me going in and getting tested for the fucking menopause. This is the same thing. Because you're like, this is on me. It's not you, it's him. It's definitely him. It's the system.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Okay. Now you're talking. Love it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"
Those little gloves. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Welcome back to My Therapist Ghosted Me. It's the bonus episode. It's me, Joanne McNally, and as usual, crew. I have... Me, Vogue. Vogue Williams here. Yes. The blonde one and the other one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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new photos get a bit of skin out I mean I hate to say it but it does make a difference also threaten to shut down your Hinge account then they'll throw you back up the algorithm because they'll be like really are you sure wait do you have to pay for Hinge you get different access and all if you pay for it I think throw a bit of money behind that with the Hinge so you're not just there with loads of other people I mean it's £14.99 for a 24 hour boost you can't put a price on love
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Jesus Christ, that's not... Do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yes. So he was the director. He's the director. He's the one who got the rights to turn the book into a film. It's his film with his production company. Right. Then they hired Blake Lively as to play the lead and, She then played the lead. Some issues happened. She was trying to rewrite scenes. She was demanding $5,000 shoes even though her character has just come out of college.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Yeah, threaten to shut it down, boost yourself. Threaten to shut it down. And refresh your photos, honestly. And actually, also what I would say is, tip to the wise, when you're engaging with men, when you're sending them likes, actually comment. So what I do is I never like their photos. I engage with their prompts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
what does that prompt like a thumbs up and stuff well no so they'll say like they'll like oh favourite comfort food and they'll be like toasted cheese sandwich I'll engage with that to start the conversation going rather than just liking their topless photo that's what I find it's a more substantial connection that's what I do well yeah if you start talking what's your favourite comfort food god I'd love a cheese toast I'm starving probably lasagna I have seen a different side to you coleslaw
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I would just like to add in for the record that I get, I'd say maybe two requests a month for people who are asking me to refer them onto Raya. Because I think the assumption is that Raya is some magical land full of hot single men who are available and up for chat. And may I say... It is the polar opposite. You are missing nothing on that thing. Trust me, nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
It's just men, I said it before, men flapping away in linen. That's all that's on there. It's not worth your time. Like, that's why I'm operating off-hinge because Raya is...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
How do you know that? He loves George Judy. Loves it. And let the record show, let my gavel show that it's, the criteria is confusing and low rent for Raya. I think I got on it and I'd done like three minutes of material at that stage. I think I'd done half a gig. So it's not like it's high end. Just so you know. Just to make everyone feel better about it. You're missing nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yeah, and even those women I met in Cape Town who listen to the pod, get yourself to Battersea Park. Battersea Park, South West London. That's where you need to be. Fly in. You can't put a price on love.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
She was making all these quite diva-ish demands and things were kind of bubbling. It was clear they weren't getting on and then she accused Justin Baldoni of sexual assault. So there was a kind of a leaking happening. There was a bit of a smear campaign going on against Blake and everyone was kind of anti-Blake and then we realised that there was an intentional smear campaign and then she came back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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and accused him of sexual assault in return. And now everything has just blown up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I think Justin Badani's suing his publicist. Someone else is suing their manager. It's like legal whack-a-mole. It's absolute carnage. And I'm going to say, I'm here for it. Because I haven't been the same since Wagata shut down. I really haven't. There's been a gap in the market for me. And also... The Amber Heard Johnny Depp court case seemed like it was very serious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And there was there was it was like there was a lot of domestic abuse and all that stuff. And I didn't feel like it was one to kind of enjoy as such. But this one, you're like, what? Because I think they're calling him Lion Reynolds and fake lively. I think this is the end of everyone. I think what I like to think is they're all dicks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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everyone's a dick and then it makes me feel better by kind of leaning in and indulging or engaging with it all. Did you see? Did you see the thing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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a film that he has directed and gotten the rights for. And then she was on a red carpet and she told one of the interviewers, oh, she's like, oh, Ryan actually wrote one of the scenes. Oh, no one knew that. That's, and then the, apparently the production company were like, sorry, what? And then the writer kindly said, oh, if there's extra blemishes there from Ryan, that's fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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But like the whole thing is carnage. And then the, then the rumor is that there was a vibe between Jill Stubb and Diony. Yeah. And, Blake Lively, which it seems like maybe there was and that Ryan is really jealous. La, la, la, la. The plot thickens. Anyway, I won't be watching Marvel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And when we said that, just as we said that, within the gap between we said it and us recording today, Justin Baldoni released an entire website with every single receipt, every single text message. Who, what poor bitch had to put that together? I don't know. That is quite the job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
And then apparently she was saying he kept kind of fat shaming her and asking her trainer what her weight was. But then his defense is, I have to lift you in a scene and I've got a back issue and I needed to know how much you weighed because it needed to, it was going to impact the stunt and everything. Look, I'm always so aware, and Vogue, we speak about this regularly, that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Jo, when you're not here, we speak about this, that successful women in any industry, they are often judged very badly and they're called like bitches and bossy bitches and all this shit. So I'm always trying to look at it through that lens. I'm like, so when all this kicked off, I was like, he's such a wanker.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
But having read the, what I can only call, dossier of reviews on his website, which means I haven't slept much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
la la la la and so like it's just but then she doesn't want to be interviewed by his lawyers and oh it's like I mean it's just such a shit show that didn't I know it didn't need to happen you can't choose whose lawyers interview apparently they've tossed that out now they're like this fuck is stupid what I will say as well is the length of he's like hey and her messages are like if I got a message that long I'd get sick straight away because I'd be like I'm in trouble like they're too long what that's an unhinged length of text message
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Well, I do like to extend, but I also listen to mine at two point speed. So it's fine. And I always recommend if I send a long one, I'll send a message then going, I'd speed that up if I were you. So I do give fair dues. I do give fair warning. But yeah, it's all to play for. Let's see. We'll be here with our, what are they called, Jo? Joji Hammers? Gavels. Gavels.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
We'll be here with our digital gavels waiting to see how this plays out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I've pulled a peanut file. It's not happening. It's not happening. You're dead right. Until this is resolved.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I can't afford to get on a plane in case I miss anything. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I do think though, I will say, and I know it's not important and I shouldn't put this, sorry. I will say though that they're all really attractive. So I do wish them well ultimately because of pretty privilege. Yeah, they're really hot. Maybe this is just sexual tension. Yeah, I mean, they're both right. And she's a right, but like... And Justin Bodoni and his wife's a right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Maybe this is just the preamble to some marital spice. I don't know. Set it here. I've predicted stuff before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Forensic. I would call that frantically forensic. Actually, not frantically. Very well thought out and calmly forensic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Well, I guess you're saying like in hindsight, maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. Is that what you're saying?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Because we're always suspicious that we're like, oh, it's not that he doesn't want to get married, he just doesn't want to marry you. And then if you leave him, he'll be married within the year. That's not always the case. Some people, they know their own limits and they know, they're like, if I am married, I'm going to feel completely trapped, suffocated. It's going to be a bad version of myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
I'm worried that I'll bail. And he's like, why change everything? Let's just keep it like it is. Also, marriage. The older I get, I look around. Look, I don't mean to be pissing on her wedding cornflakes, but a lot of people now, they're separating and it's such a drama to get separated.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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So they're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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So anyway, go, Jennifer Aniston. Correction corner for myself. When I spoke about, there was a two-part podcast on the breakup between Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, and then his affair and marriage to Angelina Jolie. Alleged affair, just in case Angelina's listening. And I said it was called Scandal. This podcast is actually called Shameless. I actually don't know. I apologise, I apologise.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Yeah. It's just like Paddington Barstow for you for the week. But then someone sent me the variety interview that was 20 years old that Jen did. After. After. And it's...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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sad it's sad and then someone else messaged me saying oh she was really annoyed with that it makes her sound really sad so look I don't know anyway it's a really tricky situation because if the relationship is that good why walk away from a great relationship just because he doesn't want to get married but then you're kind of insulted because you're like is it just me is he going to leave me in three years time and then I've never married him and he's going to marry someone else but this is the thing about life you don't know you just have to kind of roll with the punches
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
not at the stage you're at and I'm also not madly in love with someone and I'm also older so I don't know if I was that age and I was mad about someone I would probably want them to marry me yes of course I would yeah I get it of course you do yeah so it is sad but also you don't throw away a really good relationship because of it as a woman
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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as a woman out here can I just say if you've got someone if the relationship is that good I'd hold on to that now yeah yeah yeah I'd hold on to it and just kind of agree to disagree on the whole marriage thing which is it's a big issue but I would agree to disagree or roofie him and marry him in his sleep yeah trail him down the aisle in Vegas that's actually a great idea and he'll know nothing and you'll just have that gorgeous inner glow of commitment whoever said you don't give good advice like they must be mad yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
Yeah, you got to fuck with the system. Firstly, hand your Hinge profile to a friend. A guy friend would actually not be a bad idea because I've done that before. I've looked at people's profiles and we don't really see our own. It's very hard to look at your own profile. Or even like the pictures and stuff that you put up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "Do I cut and run?"
If you've got any pictures of your kids, I'm not saying bad, take them down. Take them down. Don't put up a photo with an ex-boyfriend. Everyone knows that. Sometimes guys put up photos with their exes and the ex has a balloon over her face. I'm like, dude, that's not going to work. Swap your photos around. Reboot. Refresh. Refresh your profile loads. Change it up. If it's not working...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Stay happy. I would ask this woman that we take this into a private DM and conversation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
DM me, please. Contact this man. Arrange a lunch. I'll go. I saw a really funny article forward slash meme on TikTok and it was a woman sitting at her computer. The caption was like, waiting for him to contact you via your mother's email because you blocked him on everything else. You always have to leave that little channel open.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
FYI, Penophile is on pre-sale today, which is Wednesday, December 4th. Is that correct, Joe? That's correct. Yeah, and it goes on general sale Friday, December 6th. Ireland and the UK. Thank you. Good night. Good luck. Godspeed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I don't know where she learned these gaslighting skills at such a young age, but my God, she's good. She is good. Long may it last. God bless any man she comes into contact with, I can tell you. Any man at all. They're all going to be in an asylum. Ah, lads. I got you. Ah, she's back. Did you nip off there too with the dancing? This is my fault. I was doing a rumba.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
This is my fault because I missed the bonus recording during the week because I went to the cinema. Why did you go see? The new Hugh Grant one. Very good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
What? They're slicing up the road outside. Can't hear it. Oh, good. Okay. Joanne McNally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, very good. Very good. Very good. Very scary. And I know we can't give Wicked any more airtime because we've literally spoken about it solidly for weeks now, but it's everywhere. I am also going to go and see Wicked. I heard it's fantastic. I've had people saying they were crying coming out of it. Yeah, I'm going to go. I want to cry. I'm due a good cry, so I'm going to go on my own.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
It's good, actually. That's good advice. Plan your cries. Because if you don't plan them, they just... No, but they do. They just come out. They just kind of burst out then at the wrong times. Now, I nearly had a very accidental cry yesterday in conversation with someone and it would not have been appropriate to cry. I don't know why. I just fancied it. But I stopped it in time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
But that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to plan a cry at Wicked. You're welcome to join, Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Oh, I was actually going to say, I'll just kind of very delicately. put my hand over your hand while you cry just so you know you're not alone in the world?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
It's such a journey to cry, isn't it? I'm the same. If someone kind of, you could be tinkering on a cry, the chin's kind of going, there's a wobble happening. And if they say, are you okay? Or if they hug or touch, you're like, oh, it's gates now. It's floodgates. Any bit of sympathy, empathy, you're gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I have some news. But I'm glad you killed a pig to cheer yourself up. Go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
You're perched like a cat. I'm levitating. What I've only realised recently is my chairs are too... I'm so comfortable. What happened to me? I used to go to Ibiza. Anyway, my chairs are too low for my table. Yeah. So this is my new, I'm preoccupied now with the fact that my chairs, which I love, they're like an Art Deco kind of pink, blush pink chair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Joanne, yeah. I remember when I went to school in France for three weeks or whatever. And a lot of the lads there were called Joanne, which was... Confusing. Yeah, so when I said my name is Joanne, they were a little confused. Anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
They're too low for the table, which I'm very concerned about because I'm going ahead with my dinner party, Jo. Much to our amazement. Which, Jo, I'm sorry, I would invite you, but you're not going to fit at the table.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Well, no, I don't want to uninvite Spen because I invited him and I feel it's a bit scabby to uninvite, but I don't know where we're going to put him. But that's my problem as the hostess. That's not his problem. But he might be in the bath. He might be eating it in the bath. That's what I'm saying. That's the kindest invitation I've ever had. You're welcome. You just won't fit, Joe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
You just won't fit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, it was such an empty offer and that prick took it. I couldn't believe it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
And he was like, yeah, I'd love to go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
We kind of said you want to come and then ran down the road, didn't we? And then he... We didn't want to hear the answer. Joe, you... You just won't fit in, is what I should have said. Sorry, I didn't mean... Oh, socially. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I get you. It's more like a class race thing. It doesn't matter. You just won't fit in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Finally, some diversity out of you. We've been waiting for years for this moment.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
It's about time you ticked a box, though, because you ticked no boxes up to this point. So I'm delighted to tick a box. Here comes Cavs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Are you smoking on that dance floor?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, I mean, I honestly, like all joking aside, as much as I do enjoy going out for a couple of drinks with you. It's not, the build up and the post night anxiety chat, it's almost not worth it even for me. Yeah, I know. Because it goes on so long.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Very Kanye move. Very Kanye. Just riding myself. Sure, ride myself all the time. Anyway, we don't need to start with that. So, Vogue. Vogue is beaming in from her dancing show where she's going to be dancing professionally on Christmas Day with another dancer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Has something happened? Did you go out without me? Is there something I don't know? I thought you were just out there dancing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now drinking's the worst. Drinking is the devil's sperm. Is that the saying? The devil's spawn. I just wish it wasn't so much fun. But I just glug away on that stuff. Not about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
If I started the pity party, I don't think it would ever end. I just can't open that door. You know, I just can't open that door. I support that completely. I really, really do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
we're having a drinks party for Christmas you can't do that I've ordered a margarita machine the funny thing about drinking I know we talk about drink a lot on this podcast but it's because I think me and Vogue represent two different types of drinkers And the other type of drinker is somebody who doesn't drink. Do you know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
So like their drinking habits is that they don't drink, but that is also a habit. But it's like the pressure that people put on each other to drink. I mean, even I know it's absolutely stupid. I would genuinely never do it. Actually, no, that's not fair. I have done it on occasion. Oh, you have never done it to me, really?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
No, there's always that little bit of disappointment when your friend turns up to dinner driving a car. There's always that like, oh, OK, I see. You could have told me this could have been flagged, but you didn't. But that's okay because you knew I'd kick off. So I'm not innocent in it all. But I do think let people do what they want.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
And also a lot of it's just guilt because you feel bad that you're drinking. So you're like, I want to bring you down with me. It's kind of, it's like the way my friends and mine are like that with babies. They're like, have a baby. I'm like, that's because you're struggling and you want me to struggle as well. Honestly, some of it is like that. They're like, you should be having a baby.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
And I'm like, you're just having a shit time at the moment with the baby. And you want me to have a shit time too because you don't want to be on your own having a shit time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
It is the long game. That's what I think of it is, is the long game. I was talking to my close friend and confidant, Catherine Ryan, yesterday, who has kind of finally let me into her social circle. I've been trying to nibble my way in there for a while. I think I finally cracked her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah, she's a...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
fucking how many kids she'd give you a run for your money Vogue yeah and she's trying to tour and have a marriage and all that life jazz whereas what's it gonna say oh yeah she was saying as well she was like it is for your kind of future set it's like for your for when you're in your 50s and when you're in your 60s you're kind of planting seeds that are children now so you can enjoy your life and have a big family unit when you're older
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Folk, I'm three years older than you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
That felt really pointed. I'm telling you, I'll live all you. Guaranteed. Murphy's law.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
yeah and she'll look great who sends me a letter when I hit 148 Elon Musk probably it'll probably just be me and Elon left
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
News that would surprise nobody. I have the complete opposite.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I honestly, I swear to God, I'd let him back in just for the plot. Just see where it goes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't want drama in your life, but like, come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arrange a meeting. Stat. Yeah. I would. I honestly would. Because I think people like that... Like, I mean, there's obviously something there. There was something there for a very long time. There continues to be something there. She's married.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
But you see, this is the thing, like not all, not all connections. Sometimes I think when men and women, if they're straight, have a connection, they kind of misunderstand it to be a sexual connection. And maybe it's not, maybe just chemistry can take form. Chemistry can just be chemistry. It doesn't have to be, you don't have to ride it out of each other.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
So maybe they mistook it for something else. Yes, he kind of mugged her off a bit, but maybe it's just a nice friendship. That would be my take on it. How's her husband going to feel about that? Her husband? I didn't really think about him. I mean, she's not having an affair. It's just an old friend.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
You see, you're obviously repping the married people, you see.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
MTGM EXTRA! "He was speaking to another girl... Which he denied."
I believe I am, yes. Own that shit. Yeah. I believe. I believe I am. Sounds like it. Yeah. Not all men, Vogue. Okay? Not all men. I just, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what that says about me, but I would just be so curious. And like, he's not really an ex, really. Like, he's a friend. I mean, people do this shit all the time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
So what happens? Do you stand in like a little machine and kind of like, like kind of Matrix-y vibe, Scandi and then...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Sorry now. Like, sorry, my only question here is why are you wearing a butt plug to an MRI? Did she forget it was there? Is it like when you forget there's a tampon? Did she just forget? Or was it like a kinky thing? Why would you be wearing a butt plug to an MRI now? Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Sorry, I didn't realise they were like an ankle bracelet. I didn't realise you wore them for the duration of the day. I thought they were just like kind of an in the moment experience. Is it like a toe ring? Are we just wearing butt plugs? Joe, are you? He's got one in my hand. Joe, will you ask AI about who's wearing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I leave them in hotel rooms, Airbnbs and drawers. Like a normal person.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
plug to an MRI. I've really misunderstood butt plugs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Pick a fucking side. Like, have an opinion. AI, apparently, it's like the thirsty. We think we're thirsty. AI is like super thirsty. So the water and power it takes to generate all this stupid shit is crazy. So people are like, yeah, and apparently water is going to be the next big epidemic. We're going to run out of water, basically, on Earth as human beings. And that was a fear.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
That was a concern anyway. And now we're using AI because it's power generated. So like, it's like sending an email. You have to, it uses water.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
yes yeah so people are like oh look at me like a cat but you're actually like using 60 bottles of body gown to fucking show your mates what you look like as a cat or whatever like people need to AI responsibly it's not good for the environment yeah Joe stop asking stupid questions it's thirsty he's just wasted the swimming pool it's thirsty Joe sorry
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
yeah I'm telling you that's enough that's a paddling pool gone and at least when I put the paddling pool out I'm getting three days out of that right okay three days out of the paddling pool I think that's fair we just get ignored by chat GBT that's all we got we just like waste a paddling pool of water for them to go no one gives a shit about you it's frankly insulting I saw you in the gym again Tally Vogue you've been such an amazing influence in that regard I'm so doing it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'd be like, she's not well. It's not a fair observation. I'd be like, Vogue's not well. She's wearing pigtails. She's a brown woman in pigtails. She's not well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
It's all about balance, isn't it? But anyway, usually I go feral on holidays and I didn't this time, so I'm delighted with myself. I've 48 hours left in K-Town, so I'm just going to do whatever I want now. Well, you've been very good. Are you going to gym again? Maybe before the flight home, just to kind of get the blood pumping through the legs to protect the varicoses.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm obsessive. So once something starts... Vogue, I have an idea. Okay. Valentine's Day is around the corner. Yeah. And I was thinking, because obviously I am single, you are unsingle. Jo, I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Wouldn't it be nice to match people up? I was out for dinner with a friend of mine in Cape Town last night. I know him from Clapham. And I was like, you are so sound and such a lovely guy and a great catch. And I was like, I wonder, is it time to use this platform for good? As in like, could we match people up?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Could we do that thing that they do sometimes where, but a digital version where women bring their sound male friend out to the party who they're like, we think that this person should be set up and then women come in and we kind of match them in some way. Would that be something good to do? I think it might be.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Why don't you, but like, that sounds like a cute little romance story that you could end up getting with that person. No, we're just friends. It's very much a friendship. But I see how valuable he would be as a boyfriend. Right. But he's not into me and I'm not into him. But I think there's men like that that we all know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Wouldn't it be nice to kind of push them forward for Valentine's Day and try and get some dates going? A couple of ghost... A couple of ghosted babies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
It's stupid. It's stupid. You're writing off people who in the real world you'd be mad about. You're like just writing them off. Too much choice. This is the problem. It's too much choice. I've said it before. I'll say it again. It's like when I'm on Netflix. I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Too much shit on Netflix. I watch nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You'd ring Pat. You'd be like, Joanne, it's a wellness check. She's just turned up. In pigtails, without any sense of irony about it, we're worried about her, we're concerned. She acted completely normal and serious. She stopped taking her meds. Yeah, and she didn't even mention them, which is the most frightening part of the whole thing. Ask me about my week. Come on, I did something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I watch nothing and I die alone it's the same with relationships too many options they've too many options they've every woman do you remember back in the day when people used to have affairs they'd have to leave the house and go to a phone box now they're just in their fucking DMs it's non-stop anyway I'm sorry I don't want to be cynical what I mean is I think it'd be nice to do some sort of matchmaking event online for Ghosted for Valentine's Day girls bring their male friends or female friends Jesus we should be LGBTQ positive bring anyone you want and we'll match them
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
The intent was there. And let the record show, we suggested it. It didn't work. I just think that's a nice thing to do. Email your single sound friends into, with their consent, obviously. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Obviously, as a co-host, I do get first dibs on all the men that are offered. That's only fair. That's only fair. So any of them that I don't want, my scraps, I will put out to our listeners. There's a podcast called Scandal by two Australian hosts. And they basically, well, exactly what it says on the tin, they
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
kind of go through the... They summarise like scandals that have happened in pop culture and celebrity land, blah, blah, blah. And I listened to an episode they did. It was a two-part episode about the breakup of the marriage between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and then the marriage of Angelina and Brad and then the divorce of Angelina and Brad and the children and the whole thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself, Joanne McNally, and my work wife, Boag Williams. Hello, Boag. They're nice hoops. Where are they from? You can never have enough hoops. Ever. You can never have enough hoops. I've lost a couple of bits. I need to kind of replace them when I get back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
It's such a good listen. And also, I was like... Do you know the way sometimes there's some shit going on in your life? You're like, oh God, this is embarrassing. It's humiliating. I need to kind of push through. I've let myself down here, blah, blah, blah. When I thought about Jennifer Aniston surviving that incredibly public shit show that she went through. I just have so much respect.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I already had so much respect for her. I have so much respect for her. She went through that man divorcing her, hooking up with Angelina. Angelina was pregnant within three days of them getting together. So obviously there was a huge hang up. Like there was obviously crossover there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
She had to go through Angelina and Brad doing a photo shoot about, because they did Mr. and Mrs. Smith about them being a couple. She had to go through all that. Then they had these gorgeous twins. She went through all of that together. I just, and then remember the Team Aniston and Team Jodie t-shirts and everything. Anyway, I just, I'd recommend it. It's a great listen. It's called Scandal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I was a... Fuck, what a... I'm still in South Africa, in case you guys hadn't noticed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Because you're middle-aged now. Soon you'll have one of those masks that you have to wear so you don't die in your sleep. Sleep apnea mask. What are they, Jo? Sleep apnea mask. Soon you'll be wearing one of those, like, Mad Max masks while you nod off. And Spencer will still be trying to go down on you. Remember before on the podcast we spoke about our...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Taoiseach at the time Leo Varadkar who is basically Taoiseach is the Irish version of the Prime Minister and then they went in a kind of a rotating Susan thing and then and we were going kind of lazy Susan you know they rotate them like a spy track we'd like loads of Taoiseachs or Taoiseach whatever the fucking plural is and then Leo we cracked Leo because we were like hold on Leo Leo doesn't follow us but he followed some other kind of Irish people and we were like we need to be followed eventually he cracked he followed us
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Me and him had a tiny DM exchange. He was like, oh, I've been meaning to come in to see Prosecco, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, come in, come in, me and Garel to hide you in the wings, et cetera, right? So in my mind, me and Leo. Best friends, yeah. I'm in a bar recently. I'm in a bar in Dublin a couple of weeks ago. Well, let's say six weeks ago. A couple of weeks ago.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm in a bar a couple of weeks ago, six, 12 weeks ago. I'm upstairs in one of the dressing rooms chatting away. We're having drinks. One of the lads is getting ready to go on, blah, blah, blah. The bar manager runs up and she says, Leo, rockers downstairs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Guys, I said, I'm sorry. Hold that conversation. Hold that thought. I got to go down to Leo. So I bail down to Leo, who's kind of standing beside the dance floor. That's very unlike you, by the way. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Go on, go on. You went down. He technically was at one stage the most powerful man in the country. Okay. Apart from Paul Meskel. So anyway. I'm like, Leo! Like literally, you know, and you're like, ah! And you know, you're like, hey! Leo! I mean, probably he's there because he knew I was there, you know. Probably came to see me. He just popped in to say hi. Absolutely.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Like, I heard your hands in there. Come on, we knock in. to say I mean it was oh no no has he unfollowed you he looked like do you know that kind of glazed over eye of someone but they're trying to be kind of polite like I've done it before you know where you're like I think I'm supposed to know you got burnt he's like how Because he's the spinning season Taoiseach. He's like, I need to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Now, in fairness, he had retired at this point, right? Yeah. He can tell by him, no more than the AI, he's diplomatic. So he's trying to be sound. He's like, hello.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm still in Cape Town and I'm letting you know now I'm extending my trip again. No, you're not. No, you're not. Are you? I am.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
like pointing at my own face the full kitten caboodle the full scarlet experience and he went I'm sorry have we oh god no ouch oh no then I was like then you know and you're like oh then Joanne turns stop this stop this now stop this now. This isn't funny. I said, Leo, it's, it's, it's, I said, my name's John McNally. We're, we're, we're, we're like garbling down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
You're like, we follow, we follow each other online. I do a podcast about Williams and my therapist goes to me and he goes, oh, Vogue, when I say nothing,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Worse than the AI Oh no Nothing And then I'm like I'm a I'm a I'm a comic Oh Oh no The burn Burnt Ran down And do you know what And I was like Do you know what Don't worry about it And thank God Thank God Some other lad came over And was like Oh do you want And I was like Oh hi how's it going He's like what's up We had a bit of a chat I was like, this man's going to have me removed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I don't know if he's had a lobotomy or someone else that's running his Insta, but we do not have the relationship I thought we had. In fact, I go so far as to say, we don't have a relationship. Oh my God, maybe he... Isn't that terribly sad? Burnt by the spinning Susan Taoiseach, who's since retired. Scarlet for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Whenever a woman or gay man is looking after his Instagram get in touch because I think we should hang out because I don't know what version I met but that man I was scrapping for any
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
But it stung. The rejection stung. And I bit all my tongues to not say, you're only a fucking spin and season t-shirt. Do you know what I mean? Like, don't make me do the full whack. You're not full time. You're not full time. But I didn't. She won't have it. She won't have it. I didn't say it. I gave him the respect he deserved. Yeah, I'm glad you haven't said it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
But you know, if you're listening. He played me like a fiddle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Sorry, okay. So JLo is back on the market and apparently she's in some sort of romantic tryst with Kevin Costner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
No, I fucking wish. I'm coming home in two days time. I'm absolutely devastated. I am devastated. I don't know. I can't cope with the reality of it all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Swoon. What she's done there now, it's very smart because what she has done there, obviously she had a little horn for Kevin. Ben knew about it. It bothered Ben. Yeah. Their marriage blew up after three minutes and she has done the very smart thing of going, who would fuck with him the most? Who, if I hooked up with, would rack his head the most?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh, remember he was disturbed by my fancying of Kevin Costner. It's going to be Kevin. Kevin has been selected. Kevin is a pawn in the game and I'm here for it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
She has done it. She's a smart bitch. And that will wreck his head. And sometimes that's all you have is like little bits of revenge at the end.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
It's really good. Because when someone says they're disturbed, what they actually mean is, I'm actually kind of taking this a bit seriously and I'm offended by it. You're not laughing at all. Disturbed is a very, it's a strong description. Disturbed is in the realm of creepy. Like, oh, he's a bit creepy. You're trying to embarrass her. Yeah, you're trying to embarrass her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
And now she's taking it full circle. And now she's riding him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm nearly 40. Jo, do you know how much Viagra that man has access to? Like, there's no... Ages means nothing at that stage.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Looking great. Oh, yeah. A man born in the 50s is going to need Viagra. Sure. Come on. Can I talk about something, please? I would like to talk about my... One of my bestest friends, Gerard Farrelly, is on Dancing with the Stars in Ireland. Yes. He looks pretty good. And he is flying it. And I... Me and Gerard spoke about this. So, I said to Gerald, I'm so proud of you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Now, I wasn't sure how it was going to go. So I was waiting to see how he did. But now he's doing really well. So now I'm really behind him. I'm really behind him now. I'm willing to... Where is he now?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
He is. How is he? Well, see, I can't, sadly, because I am in South Africa, I don't know if I mentioned that, I can't watch it because it's on the player.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
He is and he's in a same-sex dance couple so he's dancing with another lad and he's flying it. And his cat piss is in the toilet. We have to add that into every conversation about Geroad. And I think she flushes it but I could have added a bit of spice to that story but I think she flushes the toilet with her paw but I could have added that in. But yeah, I just want to say I'm so proud of him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
He's doing an amazing job. Yeah, he is actually, in fairness. That's it, really.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Vote for Gerold. Vote for Gerold. Gerold. So the week just gone, it was musicals. So he was Oliver. You've got to pick a pocket or two.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Yeah, I guess orphans, orphans. It's dirty. It's dirty business pick and pocket. So I guess, yeah, they were kind of.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
As possible. I used to know Garou could dance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
she was just no she was just no she was just vibing and then it went viral because everyone was like oh my god she's she's got she just has a natural rhythm to her and then Reese Witherspoon and Will Ferrell kind of took off that video anyway like one thing I'm really missing in my life is well mental balance and rhythm really missing some rhythm I have rhythm but as I said only one only one half of my body at a time that's all the rhythm that I have which is not like that's not great
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Do you know what? I agree with you. You need something else to look forward to. Sadly, I, because I have basically delayed all sense of reality for touching on six weeks now, when I get home, I literally have to go from Heathrow to a comedy club and start writing a fucking stand-up show. On the way, Debbie Thomas on the way to fix the pigmentation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I just assumed we were thick as thieves and he literally couldn't give a shit if our liver died. And that was sobering, I'll be honest. But I needed to be sobered up. I'd been drinking for the day. It was no harm. Joe, ask AI. Actually, no, don't. It's the water issue. Don't ask me. I was embarrassed. I've embarrassed myself. When? Again. With Leo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Sometimes? I mean, like, to be on the receiving end of something that brutal. I've only really rebuilt myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm not being bad, but you've lost my vote. And I know you're not even in the business anymore, but you've lost my vote. And I don't live in Ireland anymore, so I can't vote, but you've lost it. You could always fly home to vote.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
downstairs in the hotel lobby ordering a bottle of Chenin Blanc yeah one of the waiters comes up I'm in my gym gear because you know I dress for gym and then I see if I actually gym yeah everyone does that it's important to do that that's how you might do the gym every day exactly you dress with intention and then you go down and you maybe order a bottle of Chenin Blanc for lunch and that's how the day unfolds and that's a holiday and that's what it is you know there's moments of feral he was like oh you're obviously a runner he's like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
pointed to my gym gear, et cetera. He goes, you're clearly a runner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Were you wearing a yoke? No, I wasn't wearing... You weren't wearing a... Sorry, that's how I always... My wrapper, I doubt he's in my harness. While I sat at the pool and drank all day. Yeah, actually, yeah. Why? Is that a problem?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I want to be sporty. I'm not always... I don't always deliver. Imagine being in the harness... Giving sporty vibes. Floating around in the pool, yeah. He was like, you're obviously, you run. And I was like, I was so thrilled that he would look at me as a runner that I didn't have the heart to say, I just put on my gym gear and come down to the bar. So I was like, yeah, I do. I run. I run.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Olivia, my trainer, is like, do one of your walkie runs. Would you not do one of your walkie runs where you run and walk? It's a hybrid. Anyway, he's like, you're clearly a runner. And I was so surprised.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
flattered and thrilled that I was seen as being seen as the version of myself that I want to be but I'm not quite that version yeah so I was like I do actually yeah I do run he goes so what are your times and he's like what is it Yeah. Now, of course, I don't have a fucking clue. I lost the garment 48 hours after buying it. So I don't know anything about times.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
And I was like, oh, I actually don't track my times. And he's like, what? And I was like, oh, God, here I am embroiled in a lie. I was like, I just do it for my mental health. He's like, you don't track your times. I was like, no, I don't track my times. He's like, so what? 5K, 10K, 20K. Like, what are your times? I was like, fuck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
20k, we've been 7 and a half, 8 minutes. I wouldn't surprise me. It'll be three days now on the 5k. I didn't know. So he was trying to compare. He's a runner, so he was trying to compare his times. But it was like he was looking up to me, like he thought that I was advanced or something. Anyway, it was very embarrassing. And I just had to be like, I don't track, I don't track, I don't track.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm literally landing Heathrow, Debbie Thomas for pigmentation straight into Top Secret Comedy Club. There's no break for me now. I've fucked it. I've fucked it. I've over, what would you say it? What would you say? Like I've kind of overbooked my year now? You can't not work for six weeks. You can't do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
And he was like, God, I've never met anyone who runs and doesn't track.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
There's nothing worse than making eye contact with someone as they fall over. It happened to me the other day. I wasn't the faller. I was looking and there was a man walking past me and he looked at me and I looked at him and there was a bit of a vibe. And then he fell over because he lost his footing. And then I looked away because I was like, I don't want to embarrass him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
There's something just very undignified about falling over.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
leave them alone I was walking down the road with a man once whose wife fell over in front of us we were all locked and he kept the conversation going and stood over her
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I think that's a God's honest truth I'd appreciate that from Sven and they were divorced a year later oh really and then they got back together but I was like there's a very there's a lack of care there like Jesus she full on face planted herself and he saw it happen and stepped over her body I think he was just trying to save her embarrassment like I would prefer that I don't want to be helped up it's too embarrassing you're already lying face down I'd like some acknowledgement of the fact that my face is in gravel
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
We're enjoying our chats today, but we need, we're going to do, the bonus ep has to be, I think, devoted to Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni, and Ryan Reynolds. Pleased. The juice, the tea, it's running out of my mouth, it's running out of my eyes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I love it. Candice Owens, who's kind of, she's really problematic with, Her take on this seems to be honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
We'll do it. Candice is far right. I don't engage with her for that stuff. But her take on this thing is gas. Do you know I was walking down the road? Do you know I love a baseball cap, right? And I was walking down the road the other day in Cape Town. And there was a man wearing the fucking coolest baseball cap. It was like combat with fluoro orange saying something across the lid.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
And I was like, oh my God, I need this hat. And as I got closer, I realized it said Make America Great Again. And I was like, oh my God. Not even I for the palette. And I do love a color palette.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
What about a work of week in progresses in Cape Town? He's like, Joanne, get your lazy pisshead ass home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I'm very strict. I'm very relaxed until someone fucks with the system and then I don't like it at all. Then I don't like it at all. No, no. When your friends are like, oh, we'll sit front row. No, you won't. No, you won't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
No, we don't like eye contact at the best of times, let alone when you're sitting in front of me and I'm performing like a seal. It's not good for us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Are you going to go full Vanessa Feltz and take everyone down? Sorry, just to say, Vanessa, that's not shade. I'm obviously obsessed with your book. But are you taking people down? Should I be worried, is I guess my question. Is there anything you need to send me ahead of time?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
But yeah, I just feel like the hoops, they just kind of set the mood. They set the scene. They're a vibe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Am I not in it at all? Of course you're in it at all. Oh, thank God. You didn't ask for a headshot or anything. I was wondering, I know that middle section with the photos.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh, come on. For anyone who doesn't know, because we showed them at the live, Vogue had, when she was in her modelling days. Yeah, modelling. And we kind of obviously ripped the kids out of it. Like modelling in inverted commas. Irish modelling, which is more kind of sandwich words and you know, blah, blah, blah. And like handing out magnums outside Spire. But modelling nonetheless, technically.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Ireland modelling. And she had some great... She had some very funny shots from campaigns she had done and one of them was for a chipper and her head was in a burger kind of coming out with onions out of your... It was a burger restaurant. Sorry. I'm so sorry. It was a sit-in place. I forgot it was that high end. Those burgers were 15 euro each. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
There was three plastic seats in that restaurant. Excuse you. Okay. Okay. It was fine dining. Yeah, exactly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
They had napkins. The vinegar came out of a bottle, not a sachet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh yeah, I put the napkins out then demand no one use them and then fold them and put them back in the box.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
For their decoration. Don't touch. Use that tissue I've left you. I actually don't enjoy napkins at all, you know. Even over here I've realised, because I'm always chewing gum, I'm like where the fuck am I supposed to, you can't put a bit of gum in like a linen tablecloth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
As an ex-polemic who's had two teeth removed, you don't need to tell me that shit. I'm fully aware. Trust me. Trust me. No one knows stomach acid like a bulimic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I don't get the shit. I can't even talk about it anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
well you're long in the back and you have a wide gate one of my friends one of my friends who I won't name but my whole memory of her she's one of my best friends I've known her since we were six we went to primary secondary everything together Oh, my strongest memory of our childhood is her pulling her knickers out of her arse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I went through a phase of wearing a headband with a bow on it, which I think, I don't know, was it an intentional decision to infantilize myself? But I realized then as I was staring down the barrel of 40, I was like, bows have to go. It's like a grown woman with pigtails. You look like you're having a breakdown.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
So I guess whatever way her body has formed itself, she's quite gappy in that area. And I suppose the knickers were riding up and it's not a comfortable position to be in. But the problem is that those body seats are very attractive because they're so tight that you feel quite sexy in them. But there has to be another option. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
What an important question. Look at us doing the work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Do you wear knickers with the bodysuit? It's up there with Malaysian Airlines, frankly, as mysteries go. And Diet Love Pass and the Bermuda Triangle. Do you wear knickers or do you let the bodysuit do the work?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Listen, I'm not going to claim to have the answers here. I'm discombobulated.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
But you know that ChatGPT is against this, like has taken a disliking to us. What does it say?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
The thing that wrecks me the most about Chachi BT is it's the diplomacy of it. It has no sass. That bothers me. That annoys me. Yeah, but it's not going to have... Give us a fucking opinion. Come on. Are Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan not waking up every day being like, Fuck, have we done this? Barry and Sabrina, Paul and Gracie. I said to Paul, I'd get him on Raya. I said it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
There comes a point where grown women can't have pigtails and you can't be wearing bows. Sorry. Except for... Not Kate Winslet, the other one. Kate, what's her name? I know who you mean. Kate Beckinsale. I like her bows. Her bows suit her now, I have to say. But she kind of wears bows in a techno. She's kind of a techno chick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Oh, God. But you know what? It's like, do you remember when we used to take photos when we were younger? A photo wasn't a photo until you printed it out and it was stuck on your wall with Blu-Tack. And that was what, that was the experience of photos. But then the experience shifted and now the experience of photos is just scrolling through photos on your phone. It's like things change.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
So AI, while now people are like, oh God, you're using AI to write books or some kind of,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
But that's why I don't think AI, using AI to help you figure something out in a book is that bad. It doesn't matter. It's just, it's like a brainstorming session. It's not like, it's not like you're cheating. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
I feel like AI has been hacked by all our ex-boyfriends and they're out to get us. There's some weird karma going on. I don't know what this is. Who are those people? Joe, what is this? Can you complain? I have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
Well, we talk about the fact that we don't have any. I don't have a lot of it. Yeah, exactly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Leo, Bodysuits & Running Times
She wears really solid punk boots, techno boots, and then kind of feminises it at the top of her head with a bow, which I quite like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
He looks like a big doodle, like a child went mad on him with a crayon. That's what I love.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
literally I was just like ah here that's just not that's a flop it's not selling do you know what I mean but usually if there's anything decent there and also you're kind of growing your audience that's always the way it is you're kind of recruiting you know I know but I just I don't know because I just I've never been to a book tour and I just didn't think anyone would want to come but the people that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
This is why she needs to hit up ChatGBT. She obviously just needs a bit of attention, a bit of chat throughout the day because she obviously never met this person. It was an emotional affair.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yes. Yep, yep, yep. I remember one of the girls got stung before. She was... Oh no. She was mailing this and he was gorgeous. He was like real Brazilian looking man.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Like wasn't Irish. Do you know the way you can just tell? Like, you just know there's an Irish head. And he just did not have that head. But when he started writing to her, he was like, hey, hun. Like, it was this really Dublin voice note. And she's like, there's just no way that that is coming out of that man. There's just no way. But he was a real... Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
There was a comedian actually tagged me. I can't remember her name. I'll get it for the bonus. Who tagged me. She sent me, she has a sketch about trolling and she sent it to me. And then she was like, can I use you for the next one? As in like the, I'll troll you in the next sketch. And I was like, yeah, of course. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And she's treating it like, she's explaining it like it's an office. She's like, I've got seven or eight trolls working below me. And she's on one of those walking desks. Do you know what I mean? Just like giving people shit online. It's really, really funny. I'll share the clip when she does the troweling. She was like, she actually said to me, she's like, so what should I say for you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Like, what's the usual troweling shtick for you? And I was like, oh, my voice. Accent. Is it? Oh, not, I mean, like they have loads to choose from, but the main one is usually, the heavy hitter is the accent, yeah. Can't listen to that, say it's like e-bag, say it's like can't, is usually the, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
mine is always mine is always what does she do and I'm like honestly I physically cannot work harder figure it out I think yeah you're looking at 28 jobs you're like are you serious I'd prefer what does she do over sites I can't or the other one is she's not even Irish which is why I was like at kneecap the other night being like I was like making sure everyone got the footage of me live at the rally yo yo she's gonna she's yeah pass me the balaclava there
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I am going to Europe in, well, next week for the Penophile Euro Vengabus part of the tour. With my good friend and confidante, Gerold Farrelly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
No, we're going to rail, plane and sail it. We're basically going inter-railing for the summer. We're thrilled with ourselves.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, already I'm like, we're going to Berlin. And I'm like, Gerold, you're going to Berghain.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
no Joanne he won't he won't be able to cope he won't be I said you're going to Burghine so if anyone listening has any tips on how to get him in please let me know I want to put a little body cam on him and then I'll just watch from the comfort of my own bed because I'm not going but he's gay I was like I'll get you a little harness on Timu he loves Timu I'll tell you where I'll tell you how he could get in he could bring his cat with the little portable toilet and if he does something weird like that and has his cat piss in front of the security guards in a toilet they'll be like yeah you can go such a good idea little bite to you
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
They'll be like, who's this weirdo with the cat? I'm like, what sort of kinky shit is this? We've never seen the likes of this before. Let them in. I don't know if you're cool enough to get into Burkhart. I'm going to have to ask for some tips. Wear your mesh pants. Wear your mesh pants, please. Bring your mesh pants. All your meshes. Get your nipples pierced now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, I went to see Rebel Wilson's book. It's an event, really, I would call it. I went to see her event in London and I thoroughly enjoyed it, I have to say. I love a book event.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's only got 3.9 stars on TripAdvisor. I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's so weird because drugs are usually everyone's like hugging and kissing and, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, probably. Berlin, I mean, drugs is just part of the scene, isn't it? Pills for breakfast over there. They're hardcore. Instead of like a pastry shop, you just go out and get a pill in the morning and a fucking espresso martini and get on with it. I'd love a floral balaclava. It would not be fun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Imagine the sweat. You're so right. I do sweat profusely on the face. Probably not the best idea to be wringing the thing out every night. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Welcome to My Therapist Goats and Me. Thank you for coming back to visit us. I'm Gerard McNally and that is Vogue Williams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Oh, definitely. I definitely. The problem with me, though, is like, Trying to get rid of clouds at the moment, to be honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
By the way, I also am... Berlin isn't sold out, so there's tickets for Berlin and there's tickets for Antwerp. Oh, and of course, the Scandi countries. Everywhere else is pretty much gone, I think. Just if anyone's hanging around. If anyone's around. If anyone's around Oslo. If anyone's hanging around Stockholm. If anyone's... Happens to be in Copenhagen. I will be there. Copenhagen, stunning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You're going to meet your husband there, I think.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I said to Gerard, one of us has to come back with an STI. We're going to Europe for the summer. It's all very American pie. It would be insulting if you didn't. Exactly. I'm going to the continent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I've got questions. Where in the cat was the licker licking?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
the cat didn't mind the cat was enjoying it I'd say the cat was probably like it's about time he's like I'm flat out licking everyone else it's about time someone licked me back once he wasn't licking the cat I can't talk about going down animals again it's like it's that's where we're going why not it's your favourite topic I can't talk about it like what is wrong with me I've got bestiality Tourette's it's weird
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But once he's not doing that or scoring the cat tongue-to-tongue, I think it's fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, do you know that you can apparently buy those cat tongues for yourself with the little... Oh, to lick the cat. To lick the cat, yeah. And they kind of exfoliate the cat because the cat's tongue is quite barbed, as is its penis. Do you remember that? When a cat mates with another cat...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Your man shoves it inside and then it expands like a hot air balloon, but it's full of spikes and the cat's screaming and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I know that. I guess it's not that surprising that sex in the animal world isn't romantic and consensual.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And you're more confident with it now and you're feeling good about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Why am I getting served this shit? It looks like something you'd see on Ladbible as a lesson to women to not challenge their male partners, doesn't it? That they're like, look, this is what you got now. Keep your mouth shut. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. I think it's a setup.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You would. Speaking of scraps, which is a nice segue for us. Okay. We have to talk about the team of crowns scrapping on the plane. President McCrown Bridget McCrown I know Macron sorry we're saying Macron probably yeah Macron sorry Macron she's just trying to turn them Irish she's trying to turn them Irish President Macaroon President Macaroon and his wife all sorts kicking off but Rooney
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, smart. That's a smart idea. Sadly, unfortunately for the Macrons, the Macaroons, they were not as savvy. So it's definitely her. So President Macaroon, they come in, they're on the PJ, the private jet. So they land in Hanoi. And the door opens and it's supposed to be like the reveal of the president, you know, wave, wave, all that kind of very presidential behavior.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And they obviously didn't, she, Bridget, pushed, no, she didn't slap him. It was a shove in the face.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, full palm. It was the full hand. She fully palmed him. Like quite rough. Yeah, yeah. And then he then sees that he's in full view of the global news. And he kind of waves and then he goes out of view for a second. And you can say, clearly there was some, you know, heated conversation. And then they exit the plane together. They walk downstairs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
He goes to offer her his arm and she does not take it. Oh no. She does not take it. And of course, I mean, the virality of a fox with syphilis. Everywhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, I think they just didn't bother updating it then. It was just like, fuck it, leave it up. Yeah. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But like, do you know what? You're right. She shouldn't have done it, obviously. But I think there's a lot worse going on in marriages. And they were just very unfortunately captured in that moment. Like she started on the present. Who also happens for your husband? I don't know, like flying stressful. She probably, if she's anything like myself, she probably had a couple of space jeans on board.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And she stung him for something. I was thinking, like, what did she sting him for? Something happened. I was like, it can't be an affair because the French don't care about that shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You're right, but flying is stressful. I don't know how the mules do it. I don't know how they do it with the extra stress of being a mule. My head would be wrecked.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
She'll never stop! Yeah. It's such a nice venue, isn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, for the resilience that they show. I take my hands off to them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
what the human body can withstand a condom the size of a billiard ball up their arse and they're just sitting there taking it all in just with the duty free buying bottles of Clarins they're just I don't know how they do it shit I haven't got my SPF I have to go back they'll go back get the SPF yeah one of those I forgot my neck pillow cushion back they go
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
The other thing to say is when Brigitte MacRown, she's a drama teacher. It could have been a very elaborate movement to music. And he just got caught. And he was on the receiving end of an intense jazz hand. Just to say. So it was like, okay, what do you call that again? When you improvise? The movement smack husband in the face. Smacky face smack. Stage combat. That's the thing. Stage combat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
A pair of ninja chucks in her back pocket. So firstly, what they tried to do was write it off as AI. They did? Yeah. No. Because there's been three, there's been two other videos this week that he, he says he's a victim of kind of those Russian bot farms.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
So there was a video that was a bit tailored to make it look like he had a bag of coke on him and there was something else that he was fighting with the Turkish president. There was other things. So they were saying off the back of that, they tried to say it was AI, but of course the robots are like, fucking leave us out of this. This has nothing to do with us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Then they came out and were like, OK, look, it is us. It was just a bit of crack. We're just having a bit of fun. You know, we're just having fun. It was a little squabble. It's all in good jest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I had a quick scan. Okay. And I thank you for my line. Thrilled. Very thrilled.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And I will literally, I won't jog beside him. I don't think there's any, like, I think when you see married couples fight, no one even finds it surprising or anything. They're just like, oh yeah, that's kind of the deal really, isn't it? Public fisticuffs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, I would like to say, have it on the record, I've never hit a man. My abuse is usually more psychological than that. I'm smart. I've never physically struck anyone. And may it stay that way. I'm more just like a slow gaslighting breakdown of their character and mental health. That's kind of my vibe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I have a friend and when she's a couple of drinks and she doesn't mean to, but she slaps, like she tries to get your attention or...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
or get her point across and she slaps she's a slapper not a slapper sorry not a slapper in the traditional sense not in the fun way do you know what I mean she's a slapper in the the physical act of slapping yeah yeah yeah just a kind slap yeah yeah yeah sometimes when you have a couple of drinks and you're trying to get people's attention it can be hard because no one wants to talk to you because you're locked
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Jo, we're not even in the acknowledgements. The dogs are. The dogs in the acknowledgements.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's more. I forgot. No, he wasn't. That wasn't a romantic. That wasn't a romantic squabble. That was a competition to see who could hold their arm in an ice bath for longest to win drink. And it looked like he was going to take the prize, so I bit his arm. Sure, we know that competition well, don't we, Jo? I always win. Ouch. The indent of the teeth, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
If I ever go missing, they won't need my dental records. They just go round to all the people I bit to get drink off them. As usual, I'm on tour all over Ireland, the UK and Dubai. Oh, sorry. I need to also push Birmingham and Liverpool because I keep forgetting I'm going there. Birmingham and Liverpool. Done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I've never bitten you, no. No, I've never bitten you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, so the Snog, Marry, Avoid game, firstly, thank you. Delighted to be involved. The Snog, Marry, Avoid thing is, I think marry is like where you kind of go for the personality, isn't it? It's like this snog is the sexier, like I'd ride them. And then the marry is like, I'd probably, I could build a life with them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm glad I won that round over John Belton.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I love that we're bringing like the ethics of it all in. I was like, I couldn't possibly. He's very happily married. I couldn't break up a family. Hey, I don't want to give him hope. I'll just do you. I don't want to let him know it's an option because he'll leave his wife.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You'll have noticed that all the podcasters and YouTubers at the moment are posting videos of them being AI babies. They're getting turned into AI babies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And it's very cute and fun and charming. And they're adults having adult conversations as AI babies. So I suggested, I was like, why don't we become AI babies for a video? So Joe tried to get it done for free on the cheap. And the video he sent us...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
to say I rolled around laughing now I did qualify I did say I am aware that this is not of a quality that we could use Joe you say that about every you say that about every video you send us because we have you so terrified we're like oh did you actually just photoshop and it was an uglier version of ourselves but the video you sent about the AI baby I couldn't stop laughing my baby is I mean I would call her like 80s lesbian like that kind of very stereotypical lesbian look
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Shaved head, chain, black tracksuit. Butch. It's a butch baby.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
You look way more femme in a baby. And also you look a little older than me as a baby, Vogue, if you don't mind me saying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, well, every time we put a photo of him, like I said, it's the same with David Attenborough. People are waiting because you've kind of planted the seed that he is on the way out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I thought you looked great. I look like a garbage pile kid. Do you remember them? I look like a garbage pile kid. Do you remember them? A cabbage patch or a garbage pile? Remember the garbage pile kids? The really like kind of horror babies. I forget Joe's so young. I don't know the garbage pile babies. It's a 1987 film. Garbage Pail Kids. You used to collect the cards. Oh, yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
They were all babies covered in blood and all. Yeah. Yeah, they all had rattles where they were covered in blood and they'd come out of the bins and it was like, you know, cool babies, I guess you'd say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I look like a Garbage Pail Kid. Obviously, I was like, I have to post that one now. It's you talking about your seeds and your tits. And me telling you to rein it in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Can you hear me? No. Joanne. Can you lip read? Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Say see you later, guys. Joanne, I'm Jo. Yeah. Yay!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Thanks for listening. All emails to hello at mtgmpod.com.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I was speaking to a hairdresser recently and I was giving out about grey hair because I have like a streak now at the front. It's very annoying. And I was saying, how with everything they can do and all the kind of advanced medical space science situations, can they not invent something for like a tablet to take to reverse grey hair?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Wherever in the world you are, Joe is on mute for the moment because he is operating out of a hallway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And then he, of course, in all his wisdom, was like, should they never? She's like, do you think L'Oreal would let them release... a tablet that erases their entire business. And I was like, of course not. How stupid of me to think that. They make so much money off covering greys. They're never going to let us fix that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's in if you wish to embrace it. I do not. I'm not spending my life sitting with needles in my face to then just let the hair go. Do you know what I mean? I'm either in or I'm out. I'm either fighting aging or I'm not. Do you know what I mean? Ninja chucking the thing down the road or not. Like it's, I think there was a stage where there was like a gray rinse that was going around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It looks really cool on young girls, I think. But like some women really wear it. I didn't see the grey rinse. Yeah, it was like a trend. I think some girls, it really suits some people and they really embrace it. I'm just not ready. I'm not ready. I'm still fighting it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
It's no fair to you. Yeah. What is the crack? How was the book launch? How was the event? Tell us everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, I think it's just about doing it like little and often, little and often. You know, we don't always have to look like melted babies. But I agree. There's age and grace. Like, I've never done anything graceful in my life. Why would I age gracefully? It's just not, it's not for me. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
We're kicking and screaming with a wide gate. But I do think with the blonde, it's way higher. It's way easier. One of the, I'm obviously brunette now, but it's way easier to hide grey in blonde. Way easier.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
so I kind of have to make sure like because sometimes I wouldn't be honest I want to do that whole balayage thing which means you're just a lazy bitch and don't want to get your hair done and I can't really do that anymore I sometimes when I wash my hair and the and I because I usually kind of spray the greys when I'm not in getting the colour done and you get out of the shower and it's very much oh hello I am a 42 year old woman because sometimes I forget the grey that's what I think grey ages you and I'm not ready
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, she has done a deal with the devil. That is so funny. You know, because I know that you do bits and bobs on Lorraine and there's a lot of drama with Lorraine at the moment. For our foreign listeners, Lorraine is a daytime TV presenter that does bits and bobs on the TV show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But did you see that she did an interview recently where she talked about the two people, the two weirdest celebrity, or the two most difficult celebrity interviews she's done? Who did she say? Well, she said the first one was Mariah Carey. But she said it wasn't that she was difficult or mean. She said she was, in inverted commas, refreshed. So it was hard to keep her on topic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And I don't know what Lorraine means by refreshed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Isn't it? I know. I was like, I'll add that to the doc. She said she was refreshed. Sorry. Yeah. Who was the other one? And the other one then, she said, was Lady Gaga, who after waiting for her for hours and hours and hours, didn't actually turn up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Well, there's a thing that keeps being served to me on Instagram called the brick, which is this contraption where, yes, it locks your phone, basically, which I'm absolutely going to order because, my God, do I need that thing. I am hooked on it. And it's, I really resent it, but I can't stop it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah. What does Simon Cowell's face look like up close?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I'm sure he's infamously... He kind of went through with... Listen, I don't like commenting on people's appearances, but I do. And he did go through a bit of a wobbly phase there where everyone's like, what the fuck is going on there?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Too much tapping. It's a gas way I feel I can comment on men's faces, but I'd never do it to a woman. I'm so sexist.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, but I'm slagging Simon Cowell's, I'm slagging his face. I'm a sexist. You're not slagging, you said he looks great. You're slagging his old face, so that's old news. Ah, indeed. Sorry, yes, I'm a feminist again. Brilliant. What's your favourite ice cream? One of the scoops from the shop. I like a bit of pistachio, Nutella, something like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
What's your cheapo ice cream? Oh, I like a Solero. Love a Solero, yeah. Very refreshing. Maybe that's what Mariah was on. I had a great weekend. Oh, go on. I had an absolute ball. Now that I'm leaving the house. Did you just leave for another day? I was surprised because I was looking at that. I was out and about all weekend, all weekend, out and about. Yeah, the shoes are worn down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah. It's dark. Yeah, yeah. So I went to see Kneecap in Brockwell Park. And tell me. Well, it was basically like a rally. They were hip hop back from Belfast. And I was like, I just don't think I can even get away with saying hip hop. I think I just sound like such an L one. Whereas Vogue, you can get away with hip hop. Yeah, because I love hip hop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I love kneecap. I sound like I'm saying, like those elements you can't pronounce, TikTok. It's like hip hop. They were hip hopping all over the place. It was so cool. Hip hopping, hopping here and hopping there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
But do you know what's so, I was looking at the lads, and obviously I fancy all the kneecaps, but I was looking at them and I was like, it's so attractive to look at men with a moral compass. We were so vocal about it in a balaclava. But anyway, they were unreal. But I had an English friend with me and he was a little nervous at one point.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Listen, I'm a seasoned pro. If I survived Winnipeg, you can survive Monday Night on Vicar Street. Do you know what I mean? Don't get me wrong. I have pulled shows, but I would only pull them if they're like, literally you're going to lose a shit ton of money doing them because you're like the Bergen. I pulled a show in Norway because it was like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And he's like, Joanne, there's a child over there in a balaclava. I was like, it's just a bit of crack.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Yeah, he's the most brazen of the lads. But the guy who wears the balaclava, apparently he's a teacher by day. So he has to protect his identity. There's a man called Lewis Kenny who, he's from the north side of Dublin and he was going out with a girl. She was head of her knitting society in D'Lurie and he was like, oh, I'm in love with her, so I'm going to give knitting a go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
And then he randomly met, probably wears the balaclava. And he was like, do you want me to knit you a balaclava? And he was like, your mom was like, yeah, totally. So we knitted the balaclava and now it's like, it's part of the band. But he was saying, he was like, it's actually really hard to knit a balaclava because of the stitching. And I was like, I'd find it really hard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I'd just fucking rip the, rip two holes out of a tea cozy and throw it on. I'd never be able to knit one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I think he'd have to be incognito. Yeah, 100%. Or he'd get radicalised. He'd be very suggestible and more than myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
Of course he would. But your man Lewis says it's actually really boring knitting balaclavas after a while, which I was like, yeah, fair enough. So now he has his aunt or his mother-in-law or his aunt or something like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting
I was like, there's something really funny because the association of the balaclavas and the paramilitaries and the idea of just like elderly women knitting them, there's something very entertaining about that juxtaposition, isn't there? Yeah. Like it's all very arts and crafts and Etsy. But yet then what they really symbolize is something quite hardcore. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I walked by this dog outside a coffee shop and I really wanted to pet it because it was one of those Bernese mountain dogs. You know, those huge dogs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Which then randomly, yesterday, I ended up seeing four of them. One sitting in the back of the car driving in front of me. And it was really weird. It was like they were just going against me. But anyway, I saw this dog in the way and I was like a bit scarlet because there was three people sitting around a table with this dog. And then the way in, I literally couldn't help myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I was like, oh, can I pet your dog? And he was like, yeah. And then the dog literally, which was lying down happy, got up and completely backed away from me. Like my hand was made of hammers. I was like, what the hell is going on? And it's really embarrassing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I know it's fuck them. But it's also like it's one of the hardest things to do as well. Like if someone breaks up with you and you're like, OK, fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
They were. It was an acting job. It was an acting job. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I will take a job and then maybe you might be moved to the American one. Do a job here, you might get access to the American one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Oh, stop. I'm so glad there was no camera phones around when we were younger, the stuff that we had to do. There's great highs and then there's great lows. Did you ever get an acting skill where you had to just like be a fruit? No. I've been an orange. I've been a banana. Like, yeah, that was in the gaiety skill of acting as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
So I thought that I had hit the jackpot that I was able to pay to go to this acting school. And then it turned out that I was spending much of the day becoming a fruit. That is hilarious. I'm not sure how it helped my acting career. I did. I went to RADA one summer and I was doing like battle. So we had to do this like it was a Shakespeare show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
It's a Shakespearean based acting course and I had to do like battle. We had to pretend to battle each other with wooden swords and stuff. Yeah, of course. You got to have the skills. I'm very skilled in Shakespearean battle. Thank you very much. Yeah, you're like, you're going to be cast as a battling blueberry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Everything I've done has come to this moment. They did Gladiator 2. If they ever did Braveheart 2, I'm there. I know how to use a wooden sword.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Why don't you bring back, what was that? Sorry, you just said it now. Let them off. Let them off. She can have let them. Joanne McNally's new book, Let Them Off. Let Them Off. Fuck them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I don't, I haven't seen Gladiator 2, but I have been told not to see it. Well, it's only that it went up against... Gladiator won. No, no, no, no. It went up against Wicked. Well, that's not really why. It was not nearly as good as Gladiator. I heard, I haven't seen it, but anyone who I know who has watched it did not enjoy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Listen, I don't think Paul Maskell's having any problems since Gladiator 2, he's doing pretty well for himself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Joanne, how are you batting off all these famous people? You won't have time for plebs like us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
He's not actually following me out of want of following me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Well, it's always nice to be brought back down to earth, isn't it? Like no one gives a fuck about us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Well, I'm actually glad that you have cleared that up. That's a good thing to have cleared up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
And he certainly knows who I am now. Well, do you know? And he's frightened. Him and his security team. Very aware. Oh, crap. Here she is again. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
blocking me off I think I think that we like a politician sometimes like when we bumped into Micheál Martin we found a very another Taoiseach of Ireland and we bumped into a spinning Taoiseach of Ireland and I think that we kind of get like there's certain pictures of people that I'll get from my mum to be like look mum
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
It's good to know, but it kind of makes me feel bad about myself a little bit too. But anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I know. He was... There's a child. I watched it. You told me about it yesterday. There's a child who came over from Ukraine because of the war and he came to live here. And now he is...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
You wouldn't be ours. I wouldn't. You could live in France for a hundred years and you wouldn't even say more than bonjour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I can... If you don't come on to this next pod and introduce yourself as Diagwitch, that will be it. Isn't that right, Joanne?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I love those wings down the road. E-ha-wah! Just before we move on, you know my father did that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
That's really nice. That's like I'm beginning to learn in bloody algebra again because once I get past multiplication, I don't know anything else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
That is like, they have all these like, in the schools, the kids have to eat fresh food made on the day. And they have a head nutritionist of each school teaching people about food. It's amazing. Japan have it like, sorted.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
So thousands of people choose to disappear, leaving behind jobs, debts and relationships known as jihatsu, which translates to evaporated people. They erase their past with the help of night moving companies. I just thought that was, Kevin Carey could get himself a new job. Kevin Carey from Caroline? Yeah, he should go to Japan and start moving people at night who want to disappear.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I think that's called trafficking, but sure. Yeah. That's what they have, night moving companies. So people disappear in the middle of the night and they take all that crap.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
So the bank would just take your house back if you're not paying your mortgage. So they don't really care because they're going to be owed anyway. But this just seems like people who are having a tough time in life, they're like, do you know what? I want a fresh start. I just want to start all over again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I know, but whoever, come on. It's like, I love the sound of let them and it sounds amazing. And I'd love to be a part of the let them gang. But like, I think when you're on the other side of the let them, if you're not, if you're not the let them person and you're the one that has to be like, oh, I have to let them. Then you're like, oh no, this is really hard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
But I suppose it's just for people who literally just want to be a new version of themselves. Like they might have fucked up their lives loads so they just want to go. Like the guy you're talking about, John Darwin, he faked his death on the canoe. That was in 2002. And then he wanted the life insurance. His wife Anne got it. But they had kids and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
And then eventually like he was exposed. And it's fraudulent. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Do you know what I'm going to do right now? I'm going to, I'm going to download Duolingo. So, Ihoa to you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I'm going to learn French. There was a new fella. It's a copycat kayaker, Ryan Bogwart.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
What's your man's name? Bruce Bogtrotter. I always hated that name as well from Matilda. Awful name. Poor Bruce. So this fella basically, he's a married father of three and he faked his own death and fled the country. Then they knew, authorities knew that he had been plotting his disappearance because he took out a 375,000 insurance fee.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
$375,000 insurance policy and then bought airline gift cards. He was really quite crap about it. I hear. I know. He was doing stuff on his computer where it's like, oh, how can you disappear? You know that shit. It's like, how to decompose a dead body. It's like, now we know you murdered them. We know that you did that now. So this fella kind of did it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
But there was a 54-day search for his body and then eventually they found him and he is going on trial. But he has three kids.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
collabing with the traffickers yeah traffic for free in exchange for three three story posts in a grid do you know your man from the little boy from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because I know that you now love Willy Wonka he basically decided he didn't want to act anymore after that movie and he kind of disappeared he went off to learn how to be a dentist and now he's living life as a dentist yeah it's not for everyone but the training that goes into it like look at you learn how to be a fruit and then to not use it apparently they kind of break you down in drama school and sometimes they forget to build you back up a lot of people said they find it really hard
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Yeah, if I'm not being let, if I have to be the let them, I'd rather be the let. Yeah, it's a lens.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
And you can't smell me. I'm emitting scent of orange. Scent of orange.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
We'll be in the sea for a while. This stuff scares the shit out of me. I can't. I flew back here on Sunday and I was having such a meltdown on the flight. The air hostess had to come over and she's like, don't worry, it's just turbulence. And I was like, and then when I hear stuff like this, it reminds me. I'm in a tin can in the air.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
they say that 70 million though but that's going to cost them a fortune to try and look for it and I don't think anything it would all have been swept away at the bottom unless it's like the Titanic Vogue Vogue please the black box we're looking for the black box and when they went do you not think that that's going to be disintegrated now at this stage
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Oh, I believe it to be a mass murder as well. That's definitely what happened.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Listen, I hope they find the black box, of course. I think it will be really good for the families and really good for us who have died to find it. Yeah. And really good for my anxieties right now. It won't be good for my anxieties around flying, but it will be good. But I don't, I just, I don't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
There's going to be a Netflix series regardless of whether they find the black box or not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Do you think that they're going to find it realistically? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
You know what you should do? Say a prayer to St. Anthony. Say a prayer to St. Anthony. Yeah. Patron Saint of last shit. Yeah, yeah. Although he never found my ring for me three years ago, so. He's not doing a good job either.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Well, he's not doing a great job of that either. I'm just saying, okay. Thank you. Eat your waffles.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Well, it's not night time, so it's not. Well, they don't know. The listener doesn't know that. Now you look fluent, which was not what we wanted. You look fluent now. I don't think we once used it in the correct way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
we're not going to record you Tay Agus Shukra Dala Hall very good actually Dala Hall that's not too that's not too bad yeah that's actually not bad look at me do you want to sign up Parley Francais we're all signing up to learn a language are we maybe we should concentrate on Irish actually how dare I go for French first let's go back to Irish yeah let's have a language competition and see who's fluent in something first people don't see us as Irish even in Ireland I think it would be very controversial
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Did you ever know this language? Do you remember that back slang? Did you ever know that? No. How did you not know that from Dorky? You never knew back slang.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Ah, here. That is an ihoa now. See you later. What? What's backslang? Me and Amber used to literally sit in front of my parents and call them ourselves in this language and they would never know what we were saying. Little mad bastards. Oh, we were absolutely berserk, we were. Ihoa.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I will join. And I am actually on a little mini book tour. I'm only doing two dates. I'm doing one in 26th of May in Vicar Street and the 27th of May in Union Chapel. Very fun. Did you leave me anything in Vicar Street?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
my therapist has this thing with anxiety like when I go into like an anxious spiral and he's like did you do the flow thing and I'm like yeah right when I was about to pull my own eyes out of their sockets I sat there and I said do the flow thing like it's really hard to just sit but I can't actually remember what it is I wrote it down I was like you're gonna have to tell us what the flow thing is it's basically about like releasing stuff and like they all like stand for something I tried to google it there I have it written down in my journal at home but like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Mel Robbins, which one's that now? Because I know that other fellow. What's his name? You know him. I always try and bring him up when you bring up Mel Robbins and I never know what his name is. Robert Greene. No. And he goes, oh, she's an author.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
It's very hard when you're being really anxious to then try and flow to be unanxious. It's just, it's even with like the breathing techniques. In for seven, hold for three, out for 11. I know it's meant to work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Spenny said that you can get a feeling of being like you're high if you do this special type of breath work that people do like this mad kind of breath. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
There's a Wim Hof one. He's the ice bath dude, right? Yeah. But I, but Spenny said he was, because he used to do all these breathing things and then he was on his motorbike at a traffic lights and he did it and he was like, oh my God, he felt like he was going to faint. Like he, just be doing it sitting down. Don't be doing it operating any kind of machinery because it's meant to be wild.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Well, the breathing one, the one in for like seven or something and hold for three, it's because you're concentrating. You don't usually count your breath. So if you're like in for seven, you're counting and you're holding for three. So you're so focused on that that it's making you forget about everything else while calming you down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
yeah well yeah and it's well it's hard to catch it sometimes when it does do a runner it's much like a horse on a track it's very hard it is it's very hard to get that crazy horse back in the stable isn't it it's only when it gets back into the stable and you're like whoa that was a real crazy time there 12 laps of paranoia later oh it's coming back come back come back here yeah bucking around the place for a while yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
You're not strapped on. You're not strapped on. Your feet are just in stirrups. How the hell did he manage to stay on? Yeah, I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
There is no worse feeling than when a horse takes a run with you. There is honestly, because you're sitting there and you're like, that's it. In about less than a minute, I'm going to be thrown off this horse and I'm going to end up in hospital.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Bet responsibly, yeah. Had a heart attack in the middle of the race. Jeez, I can't believe he stayed on. That is wild. Maybe he went into, I don't know. Maybe he went, what's it happen when the body freezes real quick? I was going to say Rick and Morris. I was going to say, did he Rick and Morris really quick? Rick and Morris goes away. I told you this before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
So you get Rick and Morris, you go, and then it goes away. oh god gross I hate it so you can relax in the afterlife you're not frigid no you don't want to be frigid in the afterlife I saw about another jockey that died recently it's really sad it's a very dangerous sport it is and it's because they have to keep themselves they have to keep themselves so skinny as well you see
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Can you imagine what the horse that I was riding in that race thought when this nearly six-footer came along? He was like, excuse me, what is this thing? The horse had body dysmorphia.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Why have I shrank? Yeah. We had no chance. We had no bloody chance. Did you hear bandana tops are back in? Well, I can't say I'm completely surprised. I've already bought a lilac bandana. Yeah, good for you. I'm going to rock it in the summer. That's the one thing. You can rock that look. I think... Big boob girls, you get loads of other tops. I get bandanas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Because I can tie that around my flat chest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
There is nothing that sparks more rage amongst people that follow me on Instagram as to when I say I have a 30D. They can't bear it. They can't bear it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
You and I are going on a date to Marks and Spencer or Victoria's Secret, whichever you'd prefer. And I'm going to get measured in front of you on a date.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Why don't you, is it you on Instagram who keeps sending me those messages? Is it you? Slagging my bra size.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Joanne, I got measured and it's, because at the back is 30, so 30 is like the, like how far you go out. Like if you're like a 34, you're going to go further. So mine is only a 30. So it's a 30D isn't actually a big size. Aha!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Joanne McNally, right? I'll finish this with you in the dressing rooms. You certainly will. I will. I'll buy you a new, no, you'll buy me the bra I choose. You'll buy me three.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I think you suggested it was a double D. Was that what confused people? No, I never suggested that, Sean. Because I'm a very honest girl. 30 D was all I ever said. And now that poor woman in Marks & Spencer is at risk of losing her job because everyone's complaining. It does sound like a conspiracy theory. But listen, you've got a great rack.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Oh, I'd love... Did you hear your man singing recently?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
No, they're trying to do the whole shebang.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Why don't you go and pretend you didn't have a good time like you do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I just, that's all I wanted. I don't know if you can go. I think I know in fairness, I'd go if it wasn't in Las Vegas. Cause I just, I don't really like Vegas. I've been a few times. I don't love it. It's not really my vibe. It's too far away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
I know, but I think London is going to make its own sphere. Again, I'm just putting that out there. I just assumed that that would happen. No, I've made that up completely. Wouldn't that make sense that we'd make our own sphere? Pitbull could play. I'd go see Pitbull in a sphere. He's playing in Dublin. He's already played. I missed it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
And I couldn't see him in London either, which is heartbreaking because I was away. But anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
No, don't get me excited now because I don't think he has. I think he already did it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Shut the fuck up! When? Fifth of June. Fifth of June. Ah, listen. That's it. That's where I'm going. No, maybe he'll go to London. Look how lazy I get. I'm just like, no, I'm not going to the sphere. I'll stay in London. They'll make their own Pitbull. Nah, not Dublin. I'll wait until... I don't know him at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
One stage. Ah, Joanne. Like Piddle. Exactly. Pit Bull. Go listen to him when he goes to the gym and you'll just be like banger, banger, banger, banger. Really? Yes. Oh, okay. Okay. I like a banger.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Aware of his work, yeah. He wears sunglasses everywhere. There is a better picture of him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Good for him. He does that song with Jennifer Lopez. Get on the floor. Okay, you're going to have the best time. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Oíche Mhaith, 30D & Let Them Off
Yeah, she's great at lip syncing. She invented lip syncing. She should be huge on TikTok, technically. And she's a really good dancer. So she has to dance. And you can't do both. I can't even walk and sing, let alone fucking dance like a pro. We're expecting too much. Here, do you ever get insulted by a dog? I had a weird moment yesterday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
these people again it's just for the internet I'm telling you it is I know you have to just not get involved in it too much I was gigging I was trying to I'm still trying to needle out bits of this show I was down at Top Secret in the dark I actually totally forgot it was Easter to be honest me and Kylie my tour manager we were driving to Ipswich on Friday and we were like the traffic was so bad and we were both like single child free women
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
So, of course, it completely escaped us that it was some sort of family Easter weekend. And because we work weekends, bank holidays don't mean anything anymore. I forget.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I just forget. Also, I retired from all Easter plans and spent, I would say, 16 hours watching Married at First Sight Australia. I'm trying to hold back from it because that's bad. That's really addictive. The problem with it is there's like 60 episodes or something and it is massively addictive. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
The premise is, in case anyone is living under a huge rock, is that they set up these couples, they pretend that it's a real thing, they have these phony marriages and then they try to build a life together. Cue insane drama. It was actually... It's so good though. It's so funny. There's a woman in Australia called Margaret Pomeranz is her name.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And she's a really funny, she reviews TV, but she's acerbic, I would say. She's called it a morally bereft shit sandwich. She called it a fetid turd. She said it's billed as a social experiment similar to thalidomide and the H-bomb.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I just thought it was like a bit of addictive nonsense, but Margaret Pomeranz, she really went to town in the... I think that's kind of her thing. She's just like this really, really bitchy TV reviewer but it's very funny. But anyway, yeah, 16 hours of what I watched. But then you do, you kind of hit, you get a fatigue of it then.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
In one day, sorry, you didn't watch 16 hours in one day, was it over a weekend? 12 in one day, 13, 14, 15, 16 and four hours the next day. Four hours on Easter Sunday. That's bad. Cheers to me. Cheers to me. I didn't rise from the dead once. Just fucking stayed in bed and then went out, met a friend, met Carly for lunch and then went and did some gigs. It's so addictive. I can't stop watching it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
There's parts of it that are so mean. Like they have this photo challenge where they get the couples to line up the photos of everyone else in the challenge and like mark them out from who's hottest to not. And the same two girls keep getting put in the bottom two. And I was like, that's so mean. Would you not just make the photo challenge list the top four women instead of business?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yes. That's really mean. And some of the couples, the husbands aren't even putting their own wives first and everything. It's like, it's so bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I was actually thinking, Vogue, I was like, if they, if all, I don't, I don't, I haven't delved into the reality TV... There's only certain things. There's certain reality TV things I would do. Married at First Sight? And if there was some sort of Married at First Sight show, I think I would do it. No, Joanne, everyone would see what we're like. I don't even think I would do this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I don't think I'd do it. I'd just go to Australia. I'm not a celebrity there. I'm not a celebrity anywhere, really. The only place I could do a celebrity Married at First Sight is potentially Ireland. I don't know. And I'd be set up with Jedward or something. I need to go. But no offence to Jedward. I love the lads. But I'm not into some sort of threesome. So I'd have to go abroad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Honestly, yeah. It's like a hobby. I know other people are out cycling and stuff. I know, I understand that people have more worthwhile hobbies. But mine is going in and finding bargains at TK Maxx. So I went in and I found this huge ass fuzz. It's about the size. How much? How much? How much? Well, well, well, folk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
100%. I've nothing to do with her anymore. When the pod ends, if there is a Married at First Sight Australia, if it's on Series 68, I am open to an offer, is what I'm saying.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
But I don't want to embarrass Vogue and Jo. So I would have to wait until we are no longer professionally tied. That's very kind of you. We appreciate that. And that has to happen. I think arranged marriages, even though I know this is, I know this is, as Margaret said, a fetid turd. I do think an arranged marriage. A fetid turd. A fetid turd.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
They're like, what's fetid? We're like, shut up. We don't know. Yeah. Fetid. Just sounds good. Anyway, as I said, I'm open to an offer. The idea of an arranged marriage, I think, I think would really suit me at this point in my life. I think I need to just have my face rubbed in a fetid turd and just told, build your life with that person and stop fucking giving out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Vogue, you say that. You say that. But I think I speak for a lot of women when I say I have been laughed into bed by many a gargoyle in my time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
You know that yourself. I can be won over. With a bit of character. And I can be won over. A bit of charm, a bit of charisma. They go from a 2 out of 10 to a 10 out of 10 in my eyes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
He could be boring as F. Well, I would have to put a lot of trust into the experts, even though... Why don't you two celebs go dating?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm pretty sure they've slipped into the mails at one point. And I think, I'm pretty sure that was. When my marriage broke up, they were straight on. Yeah, yeah. But I know that wouldn't be for me now. It would have to be, it would be maths or nothing now, I have to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No, dating's not for me. I just need the marriage bit now. I just need an arranged marriage. I can look into that for you if you really want. No. Your suggestions have been abysmal up to this point.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Bit of news, I don't know if you noticed. Speaking of the Easter Bunny, the Pope's dead. I know. That's all. Let's move on. We've nothing to say about it. They all look the same to me with the little hats. I couldn't tell one from the other.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
It's not an ad. I'm actually surprised. Actually, let's not call them TK Maxx. Fuck them. No. Let's call them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
But surely they can just crack his hands into any position they want. It's not like the Vatican isn't going to have a great mortician. Do you know what I mean? And look, it's the Pope. He's not going to have the glam squad that you and I will have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah, no one's going to be running up to him with the fake lashes and all, whereas we'll be done up like a dog's tail. Don't worry about that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
They need to shake it up. Do you know what I mean? They need to throw out the old systems and spice it up. They should do an audition process like Ireland did for the Eurovision. Samantha Mumba could be an option.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm sure the Vatican would only love to see Lady Gaga coming in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm on a loose end here. I might go for it. You should. See, they might have the job up on LinkedIn. Check if they... Is it on offer, Joe? Are they accepting applications? I'll self-tape for that. I don't self-tape.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
You're Willy Wonka. You have the whole chocolate factory. If I was the Pope, I'd ban mass just so, you know, free up that time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
The church down the road for me is always full on a Sunday. Now it could be an AA meeting. I'm not entirely sure.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
bleep out their name, Joe, and then send them a threatening letter and say if they want us to unbleep the name, they need to pay us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
When I eventually hit my sober era, I'll know because I'll be in the church, regardless of whether it's mass or an AA meeting, because I'll just need somewhere to go on a Sunday. But I'll feed back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Oh, yeah. He's seen the naked palatoning. Well, I don't blame him for having a look in. I don't even close the blinds. The only thrill I have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And I know, fully don't I know, because didn't I wish him a happy birthday?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I was like, tomorrow. Yeah. I was, I was, you know, these things can, I have it in the calendar now on repeat. And Lauren, the love of my life, who's also Moonlight's as my PA, messaged me saying, do you want me to wrap the present that we got for Otto? Oh, you got the backpack? No, no, she said, do you want me to wrap the present you got for Otto? And I went, the present? She goes, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And I said, oh, Lauren, that was his Christmas present.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
that I only got that was she's like the present we just ordered him a present I said no I'm so embarrassed that was for Christmas he's three he's not going to know I asked Vogue what does he want for his birthday and Vogue told me a Chanel a pink Chanel backpack the heart wants what the heart wants and that's what Otto wanted and she wouldn't let it go and Joanne was like it's not funny anymore I was like come on Vogue tell me what he actually wants she's like I'm telling you Joanne this is what he wants
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Just bleep out the Max. So TK, beep. there you go now haha it's like do you know do you know when they do you know when someone tries to be anonymous on a TV show and they just pixelate out their eyes and you're like that person has a clear neck tattoo you know all these other visible parts of their face it's like me going on and they just leave my mole it's like we know who that is
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Did you get it? Well, if I was still in New York, I would have bought him one off Canal Street, one of the fakes, but I'm not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
You want me to buy his three grand bag with Klarna?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I love the way you say it makes it that they just arrived themselves with their own free will. They did. It was like the Gruffalo. They just came up from the woods.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'd probably just eat it for attention. a couple of drinks I'd be like look at this yeah I would yeah I settled on two grand I said I'd do it for two grand But sure, it's only... Is that because you think it's dirty or... It's just disgusting eating someone else's skin. But it's the same as eating the skin off a fish. I don't eat fish skin. Chicken skin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I've never seen one weeing. You'll eat a baby lamb. But you won't eat the skin of a snake.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
It's the natural cause you drive in your 4x4 into it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Well, that's handy, isn't it? That's handy. It's just one... They've no genitals. They just align their two cloacas and then they just swap. She is basically, yeah. It's great. I know that because there's two pigeons riding on my window sill. I know all about the cloaca now. Are you looking at their cloacas? They've left now, I think because I came back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Basically, I've moved back into my own apartment and they've left, which is sad. I was actually enjoying the company, to be honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'd one eye on them, one eye on Marge at first sight and then they left, so...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And your voice and your accent to the kids and everything. Just tiny, pixelated eyes. Anyway, I went, I was, went TK, beep, and then I saw this fantastic asfalt and I said, that's a bit of me. Because it is, it's about the size of a three-year-old, I would say. And, um, It was on sale and I was like, no, because I stopped buying shite, you know, I'm trying to buy a house, I stopped buying shite.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
He's not wrong. He's not wrong, he's brutal. Are we going to talk about the new weirdest couple on the planet?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
They've gone Insta-official, Jo. When two worlds collide badly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
There's something off. Is this a real relationship or is this like some sort of promo collab? Like when they tried to suggest that Harry Styles is going out with Taylor Swift and it was very clear they had the sexual chemistry of a wheelie bin. Is this the same thing? Is this a PR stunt? How is this real? How do they even meet? I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Forgive my judgment, but it did make me think the royalties off Achy Breaky Heart must be... Next level.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah. Chef's kiss. Because Liz isn't fucking around with the Pavels. Let's be real. We know. Liz. I think Liz has a few Bob herself, though.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
You're not fucking around with the Pavels either, Liz. let's call a spade a spade here I have to tell you now not all my partners have been had much money well my very much my next partner lover whatever we're calling it is I've decided to go celebrity Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my next, I don't know who yet. I don't know who I'm going to try and take down.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
But it's going to be, I've never dated a celebrity.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Repeat that mistake. You're dead right, folk. You know me so well. Not a single lesson learned, nor will there ever be.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
You know the way they say, you know the way if you have a scandal and they go, oh, don't worry about it. Like today's news is tomorrow's chip paper or whatever. Yeah. That is so factually incorrect because when I was reading about this very strange collab between Liz Hurley and Mr. Cyrus. Billy Ray Cyrus. The article always, all the articles, they reference her previous partner's
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And they referenced Hugh Grant and they referenced the fact that in 1994 he was caught having sex with a prostitute called Divine Brown every single time. Like these stories, the internet never forgets. Stories never die. It's so long ago. And he's kind of Hugh Grant. No one cares anymore. But still, I'd say he was like, oh, my God. I think I've been dragged into this again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And Divine Brown is like, stop dragging me into this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
It's like it's just part of your credits now. It's like Hugh Grant, actor, Divine Brown. And, you know, Hugh Grant gets away with it because Hugh Grant, he never pretended to be anything else, really. He did kind of play the kind of humble English love interest. But personally, he was always a bit like, I don't care, whatever, which means, you know, he kind of gets away with it like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
The only... The way that you can... erase this plane story story is next time you're flying to Dublin sit on the wing of a Ryanair flight Don't even sit in the plane. Just sit on the wing. Be like, I don't deserve to be inside. I don't deserve it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I don't know, Jo. I've never... I don't have it through my eyes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
She kicked a child. Yeah, it was a small child trying to sit on the wing and Vogue Williams kicked the child off. Listen, as an ex-publicist, that's what I recommend you do. Hang off the wing of a plane. And when they offer you to come inside, say, no, no, no, no, no. No. I don't want to take a seat from anyone else. I'm happy to just sit on the wing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Let's see if it might... So, Olivia, obviously, as I said, Olivia, my trainer, has been away, which means I literally have been getting muscle atrophy in the bed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm going to say this. I think the lower the pants, the worse the mental health and his jeans are around his ankles. And I have to say, it's alarming. I think there's something wrong there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Maybe that's what it is. It's logistics rather than style. Which that I could understand more, to be honest. No Ars Alight. No Ars Syndrome. Like cellulitis, but Ars Alacus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I still suffer. I still suffer. I really need to get back in my fitness game. I've really let that slide. I need to get back on that. Did you see your one, Lola Young, who I really like?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
She's the messy singer and God love her. She was singing a Coachella, as she should be.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I mean, I don't fucking know what she does in her spare time, but it was her debut performance. And she was very nervous and it was really hot. And did you see the video, Jo? She's, she's like, she's gagging. Like she's keep trying to, like she's, she's not trying to get sick. She's trying to not get sick. And it's, she weathered a nerve induced stomach illness throughout her set.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And she joked about the experience in a video shared to Instagram afterwards, which is always the way to do it. Take the power out of it. Take the piss out of yourself. But yeah, God love her. First set at Coachella. And she's, I won't make the vomiting noises, but God, and she was trying to twerk her way through it and she was asking for water and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
she was asking for a bucket and everything like she did she went and vomited backstage they got her a bucket he could hear her having a little vom backstage it was like I remember when I first did my first arena show and it wasn't my gig obviously it was years ago it was um it was John Bishop had a charity gig and um
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
like that I was so nervous and my hands were shaking and I had to take a Valium and half a bottle of Pinot which now I just do for fun but back then I'd have to be dragged out of the three arena a Valium I sailed on I was grand and I was sharing dressing room with Deirdre O'Kane and she was like love are you will you be alright and I was like I'll be never better Deirdre I'll be never better
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
No way. Sometimes when the nerves get you, they just get you. That's it. Thank you for listening. Like and subscribe. Come see us live. Enjoy your week. enjoy the week enjoy the weekend it's the weekend when this comes out enjoy the weekend sending love and light positive vibes namaste
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Folk, you don't know how to play this game. I've told you. You need patience.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Well, I've already told you. I've already told you now what the original sale price is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
before we begin I just want to show you my new now I know I'm fully aware this is an audible platform so not everyone can see this now where did you find she's got a big arse in her hand it's one of those ass everyone knows the ass fads but this one's it looks like it's been surgically done yeah so it's a big ass fadge fadge one of these huge and I've been meaning to get one for a while oh my god fadge
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
What? ! This is the problem with you, Vogue. You've no artistic eye. You've no taste. You wouldn't spend 200 pounds on a massive ass pass from TK Peep. And that is your... That is your lack of vision, frankly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Look at the size of that. That's a protein squatted arse. Anyway, it was £100. Oh, Christ.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
TK Beep. TK Beep. And I thought about it for... I thought about it for three days. What? That's something I would do. I said, no, no, no, Joanne, you have enough. You have enough now. Come on, you have enough. You're lucky it was still there. I went in and I went... When I say, when I made the decision to go back in and I was like, I was going up the escalator and I was like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Because I knew if it wasn't there, I would have deeply regretted it. And there it was, ready to be collected by mama.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
If you're serious about TKB, like you need to bring in a lunch. You need to bring in fluids to stay hydrated.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah. You need to take little breaks. Well, that's usually where there's usually little seats around for the lads. So just you can take a break and sit with them for a bit. Yeah. There's just, you're in there for the long haul, you know, but. Sometimes you just get an absolute gem like this arse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
It's supposed to be about the arse. The arse just happens to come from TKB. TKB. This is an old story, but we never spoke about it and you've just reminded me there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Kayla Itzines did a video basically saying that she thinks it's gross that girls are now filming themselves in this position where they're crouching or they're doing squats and they're filming from behind so you can see their ass, basically. And she's like, I just don't want to see that over my morning coffee, blah, blah, blah. And the internet went Chernobyl on her because... She did it herself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Well, no, it kind of worse what she did. These women are like building an ass through fitness and eating and protein and like building muscle. Do you remember back in the day, like back in kind of when the internet kind of started, when Instagram kind of started, she was the fitness guru and she was selling fitness programs where she was telling us to live on like 1200 calories a day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And she, I 100%, allegedly, would suggest, potentially, she definitely had maybe an eating disorder, okay? I said it, right? And so she was pushing her disordered eating and all this insane training on young girls. And I, myself at the time, was like, oh my God, if I don't look like this girl, it's all over for me. Like, she was so thin and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how anatomically correct it is because there's no entrance on the front. It's very artistically done. I guess it's a designer vagina. Like, it's basically the female equivalent of a eunuch. There's nothing there, but it's a sexy vase, but it's huge, isn't it? It's like the size of a human ass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
And so these girls are like, you tormented us. with your lifestyle which your lifestyle was wasn't healthy and now these girls are living a healthy lifestyle yeah they're showing a bit of arse online who cares anyway it really bothered me that's my rant It was like that girl on Instagram who told us to just eat bananas.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah, so I'm saying that she was a, in my opinion, very toxic presence on the internet, as was Banana Girl, wherever she lives. Banana Girl. She was called Banana Girl. She lives in the Amazon now with her fella. She lives in the Australian jungle with her fella and she lives off the land. But it was just a bit rich for Kayla to come in saying, I don't want to see that in my Instagram.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Joe has a dog. Did you know that? Thank you for confirming it was a dog. I thought it was one of the children.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yes, I've asked that somebody else read it to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I'm on tour with my new stand-up show, Penophile, if you fancy popping along. Some of them are sold. The ones that there's tickets left to, I'm in Leicester, 16th of May. Antwerp, Barcelona is sold, but we're going to add another one. Berlin, still tickets. Oslo, still tickets. Stockholm, still tickets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Copenhagen we added a second Amsterdam there's still tickets to that and then I'm back in the UK I'm in Bristol and Cardiff and it's all all the tickets are at joannmcnally.com and Dublin and Cork and Mayo I saw Castle Bar I saw Castle Bar sorry yes loads of Dublin loads of Cork can I talk to you about Easter
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I liked it until I saw that. I think it would have sold very well, but maybe not as a vase. Men would be buying it as a vase, and then they'd be fucking...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I didn't know. Would you not swap religions? Just get out of it all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
They're not. They're not. They're definitely not. Every single one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah, you can't get all the crack at Easter without having to believe that he died and rose and all that jazz.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
That's all just social media bollocks because people need to be seen to be posting content of them running around with their kids finding eggs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Exhibit A. Exhibit A. You've fallen victim to the system, Vogue. You've fallen victim to the system.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
Yeah, exactly. There wouldn't be a flower scene. Like those sex dolls they sell and the lads, they have to send the bits back. They have to send the woman's vagina back to get fixed. It's absolutely revolting. Because they rinse through it so much that they have to get it sent back to get like tightened again and all. But no, I just, I'm absolutely in love. I was in My Usual Haunt, TK Maxx.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
I don't have many morals. But you don't eat lamb. But I do not eat lamb. They're babies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Vase, Easter & Liz Hurley
That's like me skewering Otto and having him with the potato salad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I very naively believed I had a tan and then it washed off. So I was traipsing around, get them, thinking I was tanned. That I'd caught a tan. That all my tanning had worked. And then my Bareby Vogue washed off and I realised I was still...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We know Alexa cannot be trusted. It was only in a recent episode we spoke about the fact that she gaslit the shit out of us about this podcast and pretend it didn't exist. Do you remember? I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
More so... About it coming to kill us. Well, more so, revenge porn was our main concern, really, wasn't it? Although you were kind of already revenge porn. Not me. Well, you already were revenge porn.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I think calling it deep fake is being very kind. It's more like clip art. It is the worst looking thing I've ever seen. It is someone else's body. It might as well be an Asian woman's body with Vogue's head on the top. It's not believable. It is fucking stupid looking. But gas, obviously. But like deep fake is being very sound to that particular photo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I don't think anyone's going to look at that and think it's real for a single second. Not even the kids, folks. Not even the kids would fall for that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
How many men can mummy... No. No!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I won't, I won't, I won't.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
disgusting anyway so look you've been a victim of clip art sexy clip art I'm going to make a deep fake about you now that's what you're getting I'm on a train journey to Manchester you're going down I'm going to stick a dick up your nose do you not do you not think that I would love do you not understand how happy that would make me so if you want to make my day go ahead do you know what I'm going to look to see if there's any Joanne McNally deep fake there must be like I just haven't reached that level yet I mean I hope it's coming
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
translucent and it was embarrassing do you tan at all it was embarrassing I do tan I do sunbathe but like I do find it insanely boring and we have to follow the sun around the garden and all like it's like a pain in the hell but then I was tanning I was like oh my god I don't need to sunbathe I've got a great tan it was awful and I am literally see through
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
No, I think people respect you more. Respect me? Are you high?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh my God, who is that? Hands where we can see them, Vogue. Hands where we can see them, please. Everyone put their hands up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Well, like we spoke recently, we have a WikiFeed account. Vogue has one. Vogue has a higher score than me and we enjoy a friendly competition. So I decided to make an effort with my feet. I did some hardcore content. I posted them online. I'd like to see, did it have any impact? Jo, I was a four. Well, why are you looking at me like that? Oh, my God. Have I dropped? Oh, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Put your phone down. Click to race. I'm going to add another dick to your deep fake if you don't watch yourself. I put my feet on a palm tree. I had a bit of leg out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
How embarrassing. I did a campaign and I got six votes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Alexa, how many men can a mummy take? LAUGHTER
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Don't I? Yeah, because I put it on. Boobs look great. And the girl, the girl down there where I eat the, where I eat 12 poached eggs a day, she was like, you're so, you're tanning. She's like, you look great. I eat compared to when you got here. And I was like, thank you so much. She's very confused as to why I keep switching colors. She's like, what the fuck is going on here?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
She had her husband. But do you know what the gas thing is? And like, look, as a human being... Thought she bought a smeg kettle for three pounds. I am aware of the dangers of the internet. Okay. I understand how easy it is to get scammed. But the photos?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh my God, Jo, so I cannot explain. I've just cut ties with a man. I have been, do you know when you're like, have you ever been played so hard? You kind of come out of it a bit dazed. Have you ever been played that hard? Has anyone been played that? I was played harder than a child's tambourine. OMG. I actually, I think I need to be treated for gullibility. It was really bad. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
So yeah, you're right. You're right. Nancy would get my money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We're just very trusting folk. And Joe was our male contact and he's like an angel. He's very nice, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh my God, I was just talking to Keanu. Is that not real?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
What the fuck is Bitcoin? That's a conversation for another day. I don't know what it is. It's like monopoly money. I can't get my head around Bitcoin. It's like a scratch card for finance bros or gym guys.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I don't like any outdoor activities. I'm not mining for anything. I'm not doing it. I don't like to mine. But you remember. I hate mining. I hate mining. I always have. I've never mined. I never liked it. So 12 billion a year is taken by fraudsters.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I wonder, could I be frauded? I'd say, well, I almost fell for that Le Creuset scam. I have been, yeah. Do you know, do you remember, it was my mother who sent me the link to buy the stuff. She sent it to me. So you didn't get frauded, Pat did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
The photos of Brad, I'm sorry, to this woman, if she's listening, when she's shut down her Instagram now and all, she's mortified because it's all kicked off and people are like, people are like, be patient because everyone's kind of, she's kind of a bit of a laughing stock. It's mean, but it is what it is. But the photos of Brad, they make your...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I wouldn't say they have is there any is there a market down there for the big tan should I be considering South Africa for oh no I might pop down for February for work is that what you're saying come with me I'm going to do I'm coming here next January I'm going to start my next tour here I'm going to do a work in progress here in January so you're welcome to join if you want to open for me if you have a tight tan
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
clip our points look proper real they're so ridiculous anyway I don't know I suppose we believe what we want to believe don't we we're all a bit to Lulu I know I mean if you thought Brad Pitt even a part of you thought Brad Pitt was masculinity you'd be like oh my god life changing although I'm not really into Brad anymore
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
If his mother contacts you, I think, you know, that's also, you know, woman to woman. You're like, okay. His mum has been in touch. Brad's mum's. But also, who are you chatting to? Surely, like, I tell Vogue if an absolute randomer DMs me. So, like, if Brad Pitt was DMing me or Keanu or whoever, I'd share that information with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
so who did she tell who did she tell who went oh yeah that seems that seems legit who did she she must have told someone women tell each other everything she must have told her mates Brad's onto me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
They didn't even need Taylor Swift to get me. I just went in headfirst. I don't even cook. I do not even cook. And here I was online getting scammed buying Le Creuset pots. I love your air fryer. And do you know what I was going to do with the Le Creuset pots? Sell them. I saw it as an investment. Yeah. I saw it as an investment. My career is, it's never secure. It's never secure. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I was literally going to be outside my flat with a little table. Like you only get kids sell like little perfume.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh, you were my first mark.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Did you see? Now, I don't know if this is real or not real because obviously on my holidays, so I'm not really, I'm not really like, what would we say, connected to the world at the moment. But there's, I don't know if these are real, but there's a lot of TikTokers like doing their last lip sync, dancing, crying on the internet. Are they real? Because they're fucking ludicrous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I just zoned out there. What? They did what? That's so many levels. I don't get it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Now, I did send him an anxious preoccupier bag, but he just has a big following. It was nothing personal. And I'm hoping he doesn't use it, but we did have to send it because we are running a strong influencer program.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
No, no one didn't believe me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I'm coming to you live from Kipton. I'm still here. Holding the entire tourism economy together, frankly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
It's like someone told Vogue at one stage she can't read. And it's like this, every week it's like she's just proving she can read.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Yeah, she's like, I'm reading. I've read. I'm reading words in books. I'm reading full words.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I've fannied around. I'm actually reading two at the moment. I'm half reading two books.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
The last one, shut up. So I can't get any reading done. They're on my hinge and all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
If you ever need a confidence boost, don't go to a gay bar. It could be a bin bag floating around in that place. I was like, the other night, I was like, why am I even putting mascara on? Like, no one gives a shit, Joanne. No one cares about you here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
See, I just don't put up a fight because I'm lazy. You know what I mean? And I'm so kind and caring and charitable that I want them to get the ride. I'm just like, come on, come on. My gaggle of gay men. I'm like, come on, come on, come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
If anything will stop one of us crying in the hallway thinking we've got an intruder, I'll bring you to the gay bars. Jesus. No dates yet, but I am still working on it. And I am, have you noticed? I'm upping my post of thirst drop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Have I taught you nothing? Well, you have. Because I did. So basically, Ross, like one of the lads, he posted this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
No, yeah, yeah. I reshared Ross. So I deleted it. And then Ross rang me. And he's like, get your shit together. You deleted it and reposted it. She's going to archive it now tomorrow. I bottled it, yeah. I was like, Siobhan, you fucking thirsty bitch. Grow up. And then Ross was like, you grow up. And then we grow up at each other for a while.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
And then he was like, you're... And then I re-shared it. People are really nice. But someone wrote like, oh, this is too much. I was like, yeah, you're right. You're right. One person was like, this is fucking too much. And I was like, you're dead right. Excuse me, fuck off. I... I get that and I'm like, part... What can I say? I'm...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
But you know what? You're being photographed by accident. Ross, like, basically chose that photo and fucking blasted it on the... He wanted to put a photo... Anyway, whatever. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I am trying because I think it's time to take a husband. And not legally, obviously, because I wouldn't marry anyone, obviously, but... Ceremonially, it's time. I want... I've decided...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I've been caught in my bikini the girls were like oh we've zoomed in because it's someone's like Joanne I can see your breakfast it's there's there's a bit of there's a bit of ghee there to be honest bit of ghee but it's well I didn't see the ghee and then I zoomed in and I was like shit because we were pissed Ross we were all pissed when Ross posted it so I was like well that's the top of your leg that's not ghee it's not there's no it's not you can't see any form or shape there's no ghee at all
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Sorry, I saw this story and in my holiday haze, I thought the eagle had accidentally posted the photos.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Excuse me, I follow about 10 comedians. Oh, yeah. I flew over Michael McIntyre's house once. What more do you want? Expense. Done. Work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Oh, wow. I mean... He is thrilled with himself. It's quite a vulnerable photo, I would say. Is he... What I would say happened... It's not... I mean, man, if you're going to show it off, I would dress the shot a bit better. For people who obviously can't see it because they're listening, he is in his hospital bed, bollock naked. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Just lying there, really, with a doctor maybe touching his shoulder. Yeah. I'd get one, you know, if I was a lad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
The way you slip into Sandra at times is alarming, I will say. It is alarming. It's like she's in the room with us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Where's the regional coming from? I remember once I was chatting to a lad and he was doing an impersonation of his mother and he gave her like a country accent. And then later on in the day, he revealed that his mother's actually Dutch. But he'd given her this Irish country accent that she did not in any way have.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
But it's just like when you do your mother, your Irish mother, we just give them this generic Irish mother kind of Midlands country accent. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
That's the fucking point of working in a bakery. What's wrong with these people?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I mean, the markup on 99s is insane anyway. Like... I can imagine you with your mouth open, just like pulling the fucking lever, the cream down straight in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Do I what? Did you see? It's my Roman Empire. Go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I remember I worked in a petrol station when I was a kid. I worked... Not a kid. I mean, it was legal. It was whatever, 15, 16. And we would absolutely fleece the place. You'd find us passed out from sugar in the fucking... What do you call the room? The stock room. Literally in a Malteser's coma. How they even made a profit, I've no idea. We'd smoke everything. We would drink everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We'd eat everything. The pastries, we'd put them on in the morning. We'd horse them. And then we got stung because they sent one of these secret shopper in. And we're literally smoking behind the counter with our mates.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I'm not even messing. Yeah. We used to smoke on the forecourt. Do you know how fucking dangerous that is?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
No, we don't, Joanne. Why? Is petrol flammable? Would you believe? It's flammable. And that's where I got my love of the smell of petrol. Everyone loves it. And markers. Petrol and markers. Secret on Tippex. Secret Shopper came in and... The person ahead of them was a mate of ours who we just gave like 60 marlboro to for free and like a fucking pan of chocolat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
And we were like, yo, check you later. And then everyone was fired. No regrets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Jo, your eyes are getting hard already. Like, control yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Could you drop your voice a little bit, Fogart? Would you really engage your masculine?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Is it? I thought I, but I was, I'm erasing January to erase February as well. I don't know if even I can drink that much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Do you know, I came to Kipton to try and get ridden by a hooligan. Had I known that I could just check into Wandsworth Prison, I'd live down the road from the prison.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Yeah. Do they have a spa? What else? Go on, vote. Finish.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
This is not real. He did not read this out. Should I drop dead? This is what I wanted to read to you. I'm not finished.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
This woman is fantastic. Sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
They're up there with Rosa Parks and Sonia O'Sullivan. She's in prison now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
It all comes full circle, doesn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
She's ready for her lesbian phase. She's ready for her lesbian phase. She's gone into a woman's prison. I can't wait for the next video, frankly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
It's all the different positions. It sounds like he's kind of trying to turn us on, do you think? He could have just gone, you're going to prison. He didn't need to kind of narrate the sexiness of it all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Do you know that then there was a video going around which someone sent me, which we thought was someone else doing another video, but actually turned out to be like a porn site. So a porn site had kind of mimicked it. Because I was like, hold on a second. This is really hot. This is getting hotter. These videos are getting hotter and hotter. But they were actually professionals.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Isn't that what they say? She's in for ten years. She'll only do four. I'll be totally honest. To ride a lad in Wandsworth Prison, I'd do two years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Women, I guess, now. I guess she'll do women now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I know, I know, I know. It's to be seen to be doing things, I guess. But not to be doing things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Yeah. So I guess they're like, look, if we, yeah, we'd like to give you 15 months, but we'll probably give you three weeks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Do you know that restaurants, like the posher ones, they sit hot people in the windows? Did you know this, Joe? I've never been sat in the window. Meet your sister, Joe. Meet your sister. Me and you are back in the fucking toilet alleyway. Vogue is like in the... You know the way I love making out like me and Joe are like hideous pigs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
But then, Vogue, then what happens with March? You know, March doesn't promise much either. So then what happens? I just don't come back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We're just so disgusting. We've just got heads like a bag of vomit. And the Vogue is like this knockout. And I just love it. I just love doing it. So yeah, me and Joe eating the toilet. And Vogue is in the window, literally glued up against the window. She's not even allowed to eat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Too hot to pay. Too hot to pay. Too posh to push. That's Vogue. Me and Joe, they throw spaghetti at us and then we eat it out of the toilet bowl. Isn't that right, Joe?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
One of the lads who's over here with me, because I'm here with 29 gay men, he is obsessed with this restaurant. It's my dream trip. I know, it's fantastic. Oh my God, wait, let me tell you what happened. Hold on. Hold on, which story do I want to tell you first? 29 gay men, they're staying with me in this house, right?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Last night, one of them runs in. He's crying into my room. He's like, there's an intruder downstairs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I was like, oh, Jordan's here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I just allowed him down to rehydrate so there's there's like a gate at the top of the stairs right so like the house is a bit old-skilled you lock at night so like a like a gate like it's like a gated stairway do you get me a gated community yeah well but a gated corridor because I think you know there was a time where house intrusions were obviously like you know a big thing here blah blah anyway so one of the one of the one of the last ones South Africa to us more
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I don't engage with the sea. I feel like I just dilute or like I just don't engage with the sea. Anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
one of the lads one's in he's crying he's like there's an intruder downstairs I come out we're all gathered at the top of the stairs through the cage we're like hello hello they're like someone's someone's riding downstairs there's intruders they've come in so the intruders have come in to have sex in the kitchen Is that what we're saying? He's like, yeah. I was like, OK.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
So anyway, a couple of the lads are like, right, look, we'll go down. We unlock the cage. Me and a couple of the other lads stay upstairs. Obviously, we're the more femme gays. We lock the cage behind the more masculine gays. There's no one there. There's no one there. Then the next day over breakfast, one of the lads is like, OK, look, I have a confession to make.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
his phone was connected to the sauna downstairs. No! He was watching porn.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I'm hot. You'll have to reheat me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
So it was like blasting through the whole house. And we were all like screaming with fear. Two men had brought it in and were fucking in the kitchen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
I was like, you could have gotten away. You could have easily gotten away with that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
We're all cowering behind a cage of stairs with fear. And he's just standing there pretending to be scared as well. Yeah, yeah. And he was the one who was like, I'll go down, I'll sort it out. No wonder he was so brave.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
Something awful happened the other day. What? It was probably not awful. Do you know what it's like being over here? Something really tragic happened the other day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
What is a children's Alexa, do you mind me asking?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
Yeah, we clubbed together and we paid the paparazzi for it. We own that picture. LAUGHTER
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
I'm just saying, there is no way that girl's going to Glastonbury. I dare you. Are we not going to run this narrative for a month and then sort of pay it off with her not going to Glastonbury?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things
It doesn't say exactly what the flower is, but there's lots of links for AliExpress.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, but I just feel like if they didn't, if the zoo people didn't pick up on it, it's not really my place to get involved in something like that. And they have kids, so I was like, I'm not getting involved in that. It's really sad that they're doing it anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Well, I didn't. I took a stance and decided I'm not getting involved in that. I'm not getting involved. It's none of my business.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, but that's obviously how robbers do it. Have you ever seen those videos of people who go into the second-hand designer shops and they literally fleece the places? Fleece them. How? I don't know. They basically just shove it all into their bag and leave. And they don't get caught till after.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
So they used snakes as weapons. That feels like a lot of effort. That feels like a lot of effort.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Still, it's like going in there with a Rottweiler and be like, give me your money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, but people who go in with a plastic gun and pretend to hold up a plate with a plastic gun still get done for armed robbery. And armed robbery in America. Yeah, you get done for a long time. Like armed robbery, it's not a good thing to do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
No, they still do you for it. They still do you for it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Did you hear that other fella who, there was a manager who basically created an additional 22 fake employees and had been paying himself his own wage and then these pretend fake employees wage as well. I don't. In Shanghai. So in Shanghai, there was a guy and he had a job as a manager and he pretended to the company that he'd employed 22 new people. Yeah. Oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Well, I have a brand new purple that I bring in on holidays. I mean, because I forgot how massive it is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Because I don't like packing. I don't pack. If I go away on holidays and I have my, I love my sunglasses so much. So like, I put them in my hand luggage. I'm like, I'm not packing them in my bag just in case. So I put them in my hand luggage and also my sandals because sandals are pretty heavy. Are you going away again? Joanne, I will not have you speak to me like that. Are you going away again?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Can I actually say, and I don't mean to sound like ungrateful or anything. Well, I am grateful, but I am paying for it myself. But like, I just kind of love to just to go to Ireland or something and chill. But like Spencer genuinely is like, I have to go back. Like that's like my hope. And I'm like, as amazing as it is, it's still, it's a long way to travel with kids. But anyway, I can't wait.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
We're going to have a great time and I'm not being ungrateful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You better come back with Fanta for me. I mean it. I mean it this time. I will probably come back with Fanta with you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Why was it very expensive? That's rude. That's your birthday present now for yourself. You can't have anything else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and... Joanne McNally. Hello. Hello. That's very demure. Hi. What's going on? Well, I'm wearing a demure dress right now, so I'm just feeling demure.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I know why she's going on her own as well because you don't have to pay for a ticket for anyone else and you're dead, right? I wouldn't even invite Spencer. No way. Not at all. My mother's like, where are you going? I was like, don't worry about it. Yeah, you're not going. You're not going. What was I going to say to you? I started watching that Ruby Frankie thing after you told me to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
It's on Disney+. It's horror. It's so good though. I watched the first two apps. I can't wait to watch more tonight. It's such a, it's a really good, like if you're looking for something to watch, I really enjoyed that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Shocking. But you can almost... Because they have hours and hours of footage of her from creating her YouTubes. And, like, she's left all this stuff in where she literally, like, she's like, hi, and she's really nice to the camera. And then she just screeches at the kids. It's just... You can see her turn though. You can actually see it in her eyes as the videos progress. It's like, oh my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That was filmed in one shot, wasn't it? I'm going to download that for the train tomorrow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Joanne's going to now be a Red Bull athlete. She'll be in the Olympics next.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Like, I honestly worry about all that Andrew Tate kind of stuff. It's because I, when I was away, when I was filming the pilot for that TV show that I'm doing, I was away and I was in the sauna and this guy started speaking to me about Andrew Tate and all that. And he was like 20 and it was really frightening to hear his take on it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I was like, you're going to, you won't feel like this in five years time. I hope, my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
He is. But like the thing about it is he literally got flown back to the States. Like what's that? What does that say to you? It's just like flown back to the States out of prison. It's just.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
He was in prison for sex trafficking and rape and awful charges. And then Donald Trump basically got him off and flew him back to the States.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Where they make, they have to basically create some kind of go-kart, but everyone does these mad ones.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
There was a guy who, hang on, let me just find it. Am I swallowing a lot? No, I feel like I'm trying to breathe a lot. Okay, I don't know how we're going to switch into a different topic. Anyway, we will. Microdosing, right, Joanne? Microdosing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I've heard of all this stuff of like microdosing MDMA when you go and see, like therapists are doing couples therapy where they're getting the couples to microdose MDMA because they lose all their inhibitions and they sit down and they have like these amazing chats and supposedly it works really well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I remember I did a TV show and it was at a word to E, but like I wanted to do a Jon Snow on it and like... go into those like environments and like microdose stuff to try it and to tell people what it was. Anyway, it didn't happen because RTE couldn't allow it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
But men in Ireland, right, a group of Irish men said they regularly microdose Viagra because it transformed their lives by keeping them in a constant state of semi. It boosts focus, confidence and productivity.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Can you imagine? Why have you bought a car, Joanne? Just half. Did you ever? I know we've spoken about it before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
supposedly there's a place in Hampstead Heath and all of the residents are going mad because it's basically a place where a group of gay men come to meet up and have like group sex and they just leave condoms and stuff everywhere. And these people are going absolutely crazy about it. But the gay group who are doing it are like, well, sorry, we've been here for ages. This is our thing as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I watched a dogging documentary And it basically was like it was this group of like this spots that people decide that there's that's where the dogging is going to happen. And some couples will go together and they'll basically open their booth and they'll have sex in their booth and there'll be loads of people looking at them and watching them or other people get involved with other people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You've got the the wankers at the side. You've got the sexers. And then you've just got everyone who might get involved. But like they were wearing all these mad masks. Obviously, they were probably wearing the mask for TV, but as well, they sometimes wear the masks because they just want to hide from each other. But yeah, that's what happens. There's no dogs involved. There's no dogs. No, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Oh, go on your Maya. No, I know. I know for a fact, you know that it's like, oh, you should like, you should just try it once. You might like it. I don't think I'd like it ever. I don't think I'll ever try it once.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'd love to pop along I'd love to know more about if you can send us in if anyone has any dogging stories send them in yeah send them in so interesting to hear something like that just saying on we won't read out your name but like we don't know any doggers well I might know one soon if the dogging community if they if after the dogging event they go for drinks around Clapham please I would love to join I would love to join for drinks post dogging drinks
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yeah, it's going to be post-dogging drinks and it's going to be pre-dogging drinks and then she's just going to be, Joanne will be down there with orange segments for everyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Guerrilla marketing, Joanne. Guerrilla marketing. That's what it was. There's a bus stop by tea school and there is like, honestly, I'm not over-exaggerating, about a thousand vape stickers. So you know the bottom of a vape when you pull it off. People are obviously pulling it off and just sticking it to the bin. Sorry, not the bus stop. It's on the bin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
That wouldn't be the weirdest thing I'd ever hear about you. If you went down that road, it would definitely not be the weirdest thing I've ever heard about you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
touch we'd love to hear more about dogging Joanne basically and just send a list of where's close for Joanne because she's obviously drop a pin just drop a pin
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
that harness will come in useful for you finally you didn't use it for running you can use it for dogging in the park I'm allowed to use the harness for dogging am I Vogue thank you use it for dogging yeah go for it because I hate to see it go to waste but you've embarrassed me too much to wear running it's not cool thank you so much for listening and we are very much looking forward to your dogging stories
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I just feel like when the dogging documentary I watched, it didn't feel like they were near the coastline.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You never know. It could be happening at Hampstead Heath right under our noses. Of course it is. Did you not just say the place was piled high full of condoms? Battersea Park would be a fantastic spot. Looking out over the Albert Bridge. Absolutely. Very romantic. Very romantic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Clapham's too open. There's nowhere to hide in Clapham, okay?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I don't stay up late. I don't mind getting up at like 5.30 a.m. if you'd rather do a morning dog session, but I'm not too late into the night. I'm not doing a late dog session.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
A matinee would actually really suit us, to be fair. It would. I like the idea of that. Would you dog me? I would. Do you want? The only reason I'd be going would be to... Would you dog me?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You know the bottom of the vape when you have to pull the sticker. My mom's like, what are those things? I'm like, vape stickers. Looks quite fancy now. You were about to show us a meme.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I just said, I'm going to set up a fake podcast, get her on board, and then I'll get her, and then I'll dog her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'm just happy to be here you know I love animals we're all going to spot you on at the zoo next weekend robbing and dogging we're not slagging off if anyone has a kink and wants to go dogging we're not absolutely not slagging that off it was just a joke that went too far not at all we're not slagging them at all okay you say bye
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I had to come back after two weeks because Joanne was getting angry that I was off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And I was like, you've just had a baby, Vogue. Why are we going back to work? Because I've just had a baby. I need some human attention that's of an adult.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
A year ago, you would have been allowed to have an opinion on that. But since you said hundy pea, you've no opinion anymore. No, you're right, you're right, you're right. Amber keeps saying sammies, sammies. And she talks about them because it's what she eats every day for lunch. And I honestly, even me repeating it, I'm like, what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Oh my. So basically, I'm getting all this abuse online because the Daily Mail, I don't think people understand clickbait headlines. They're clickbait for a reason, to get you to click on them. And me, well, Joanne, first of all, said she didn't like the way Meghan Markle wore her jumper around her shoulders.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And everyone is now abusing me, saying horrible things about me. Excuse me, Joanne. I said I'd be into that kind of show. And I also said I really liked her fruit platter. I only said I didn't like her jumper. So now everyone's like, oh, who... Who do you, yeah. And then everyone's like, who do you think you are? Like saying really mean things about me. And I was like, what's going on here?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And it was only when I saw the Daily Mail that I was like, ah. And then this woman who literally abused me for like 20 different messages on my page, I just wrote back and I was like, I just said I didn't like her jumper. And she goes, oh, okay. No way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Well, I think that people find me so annoying anyway, that they're like, oh, here's something we can really go at our fore now, you know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
This would be a great funeral dress. Great funeral dress, but no, no one's dead. Now when we're at this age, when I get a phone call, I'm like, fuck it. I got a phone call off my brother at like two in the morning and I was like, oh Jesus Christ, who is this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Look what this woman said to me. You're so bitter. You need to have your face fixed and those lip fillers dissolved. And I wrote back and I said, I wrote back and I said, oh, thanks, babe. I don't have fillers. So I'll take that as a compliment. Yeah, I would. I was going to say, it's a really good job. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
There's nothing to dissolve. Anyway, so for all the Meghan lovers that aren't listening to this podcast, because you clearly don't actually listen to what we say or read articles. We only said we didn't like her jumper.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I don't really dislike anyone to a level that I'm going to slag them off a line. And to be honest with you, I didn't dislike the jumper. I just disliked the way she wore it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
You're the one who... It's actually you who shouldn't be allowed to talk about Purple Dragon. You talk about Purple Dragon all the time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Always. Have they rang you to give you a membership yet? Because they should.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I went to the zoo yesterday. Have you been to London Zoo?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
No, no, no, no. We went to the big zoo. I love the Battersea Zoo Park, but we went to the big zoo for our little family day out. And it was a bit strange because we saw this man, right? And he was like, he was about 30 and he was at the zoo, which is fine. Like, I think the zoo is a nice place to go to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
But he was at the zoo and he was like going into all the, like, you can go in and pet the goats and stuff. And he was in there for like 15 minutes petting the goats and filming them and stuff. And I was like, that feels a bit weird to me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Like, why are you going to the zoo to pet goats on a Sunday for so long?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Well, my mom actually, when she was in Spain, this new playground opened and she was down there filming it to send me a video. And she was like, I thought maybe I shouldn't be filming it in case someone came up to me and said, why are you filming the playground?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
So I was obviously in Petting the Goats too. Yeah, of course. I'm a woman. I'm free to do as I please. I love goats. That's the difference. But Spenny, I came in because I was in with Theodore and Gigi, obviously. And Penny was like, have you been watching that fella? And I was like, yeah, he is. He's filming them for quite some time. But anyway, maybe he just enjoys animals.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Okay, why don't you go to single woman Sundays? Go to the zoo and go and pet goats and see how weird you feel about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
There's a couple of donkeys in Hoth and actually I do stop and pet them sometimes. I do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Do we need the woolly mammoth fact? Like, how are we going to control this? Did no one watch Jurassic Park? Was it just me who watched it? Look what happened there. But I think they're just doing it to, I think they're doing it to show off, do you know? I saw this hairy pig at the zoo actually, but like full tufts of hair, like you could put his hair in a ponytail. I've never seen them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
yeah I've seen him I have a weird thing that happened at the zoo and I want to know your opinion on it okay okay so we're at the zoo and at the end it's not the goat man it's not okay okay because I was like I think I've made my position clear unless there's more to the story I did see an A-list actor there it was put your hands where we can see them Get away from the goats.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Now, I will say sometimes I just take it upon myself to call you, but I don't really do that to a lot of people. So I haven't thought of how much that might frighten you. And I will consider it in future.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Do you ever see all those people who jump into the enclosures? Like there was a man in China who jumped into the tiger enclosure. Like, I don't know what he thought was going to happen. And he just got mauled to death by a tiger because he was pissed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Remember he wore that Taylor Swift t-shirt. Oh, and is it okay that he's at the zoo? Well, he had a child with him. Oh, was it his own? I didn't ask him. I was too busy trying to make sure Spenny didn't see him because he loved the famous person. Tom Hiddleston.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Anyway, and so when we get to the end of the zoo, we're like, right, you can all choose one toy each because you've been so well behaved, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you never, they put that toy shop, they put the big thing at the end of the zoo because they know that people are going to want to go into the, I even want to go into the gift shop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Anyway, so we're there and I saw a family and I was like, wow, I was like, they're buying a lot of stuff. One of their children, a girl, had like four of the same teddy, but like a massive teddy, but four of them. I think it was a giant sloth. So she had four of them. The other girl had like a big, a dress up thing and then a handful of stuff as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And then there was loads of stuff on top of the buggy. And then there was a massive queue to pay for everything. So we got in the queue and we paid for our bits. And then we walked out and I saw them and they weren't in the queue. And they had just walked out with all that stuff and not paid.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Yes. No one said anything to them. But now here's the dilemma. I said nothing. Like we'd already walked out of the zoo. Like we weren't even in the zoo. We were on the road beside the zoo and they were kind of walking really fast and they kept looking back and kept looking back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And I was like, oh my God, I've never seen someone steal so brazenly and so much stuff that like, I just, I didn't say anything. What could I say? It's not really my business.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
Well, I stayed out of it. But at the same time, like, why do you need four giant sloth teddies? You don't. You don't need four giant sloths. You don't. It was just, it actually, it went on the verge of greedy stealing. Like what? Greedy. I used to steal off my dad sometimes when I was younger. I just did. It was terrible. It wasn't great. I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
And sometimes when I was going on holidays, I'd get a bit greedier than other stealing occasions when I only needed money for a Friday night. Yeah. So maybe that was their like holiday stealing. I don't know. Stick it to the man. I think that the people were like, there was a lot of people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
The Zoo, Robbing & Dogging
I'll tell you what, I started checking my pockets for my phone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Ronan, if you're listening, pray for us. Have a word with the big man, will you? Yeah. Thanks. I know you've got connections. Pray for us, Rona. We appreciate it. Life's a rollercoaster, etc. Big fans.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, folk, this is how it starts. You don't know what's ahead of you. Get Rona to pray for you as well. You'll be in Wembley next year.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You missed the music cue again, Joanne, you stupid bitch. I'm like, I'm sorry about that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
What is that? Is that comfortable? Well, I believe I am moments away from getting my ADHD diagnosis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
moments and in fairness I've made a real effort to get it the diagnosis I've made a real effort to get ADHD so I've deserved it but yeah I'm moments away so I assume that's I'm stemming am I stemming no I'm joking so wait so you went for your diagnosis your mom was there to she had to answer correct yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's so funny for the ADHD diagnosis
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
The doctor was like, so talk about your mom. She's like, but she's adopted. So IE, this has nothing to do with me. I don't know, whatever the fuck is, whatever's wrong with her. She didn't get it from me. She didn't get it from me. That's a perfect out for her as well. I know, yeah. I'm just here to be sound, but I can tell you now, this has nothing to do with me or my family.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
If she came like this, it's not my problem. I'll support as well I can.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I was the victim of, I was mugged. That's really scary. Yeah, I know. I say mugged. I was pickpocketed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Stop him. off into the sunset off he went shoopy shoop I'm on the phone hello three years later now he went up on the ski lift and he got off the ski lift I think he's still up there about just doing laps laps of Alpen I think I spotted him at the top there earlier on I swear to God just doing laps of Alpen I was like you're your man Joanne's looking for you laughing She's pissed off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
It's a diet mugging. It's a diet mugging. Yeah, yeah. There was no weapon involved.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I don't even have a story. I just got lightly touched. Do you know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
The phone was gone. Now, there's an absolute rampage going on in London at the moment with people robbing phones. So I had made my peace with the fact it was going to happen because I always have my phone out. I'm either on my phone or I'm mapping my way around or whatever. So I was like, it's going to go. So I knew it was going to go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
But then, yeah, he took it out from my, I just, I was walking in through Soho and there was a gentle, I felt a light touch of the hand and the phone was gone. And then the guy I was with was like, we go after them. And I was like, I've had five Negronis. What am I going to bust through Leicester Square? Like, what the fuck am I going to do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I'll get arrested for drunk and disordered and he'll go free and I'll be in a cell. Like, no, I can't. I have to go. So I just sent it up into the universe, even though I don't believe in the universe, but I just was like, send it up to Mary or whatever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Do you know what the saddest part of the whole thing is? And like, I know it's only a phone. And like I say, I'd sent it up to Jesus. It was fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
why do I sound like Ronald Keating God bless you Joanne God bless you and God bless your phone and I'm like maybe this man you know it's the Mel Robbins let them I'm like let them steal let them steal the phone maybe he needed the phone you know maybe he needed the phone to buy milk formula for his baby I don't think so I know he was buying gear anyway But you know what the most upsetting thing?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
All my WhatsApps are gone. Oh, I delete them. What?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
12,000 messages. Okay. Okay. So fine for husbands, but like for friends, like I've not, all my messages are gone, like years of messages and they're not in my cloud. They were saved to the phone. So like three years of messages.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, I said, so I contacted three friends today and said, download our whole conversation and send it to me so I have it downloaded. Were they sick? Well, this is exactly what I thought. I said, in case you die. I contacted the three friends I thought would die the fastest and said, give me the conversations now, just in case I'm going to want them for sentimentality.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You didn't. You didn't because you're healthy. Because you're healthy. Jo, if you could reply to my text, that'd be great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So this was the gas thing. The amount of times I've had my phone out and I didn't. It was in my pocket and he left. It was kind of just sticking. It's just sticking out of my pocket. So yeah, Joe, I was the victim of an incredibly gentle, slightly arousing crime.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
He touched my hand and it felt good. Will Global replace my phone? Well, I will be reporting this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Oh, did he go full on steamed dumpling? Did he kick off?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. Tinder swindler. He's moving around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Do you know why I went down and got the phone?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Can we please discuss, because some things really tickle my fancy and this story really tickled my fancy. And it's the Samantha Mumba Downall-Skihan drama that happened in Ireland earlier. or E, the Eurovision audition process. Jo, are you aware? Are you making an effort with our country? For once, I've actually seen this and I loved it as much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You went off pissed. He then he was released from the ski lift as is tradition, I believe. He went to ski down and realized he was out of his depth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I just love a celebrity feud. And this one involved no sexual assault allegations. And they're my favourite because you're like, you're allowed to have the crack with them then. Do you know what I mean? But it is basically our version of Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. That's why I, that's, that's, I love when you turn into Vogue Rogan and go full conspiracy. They're throwing the competition.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I will not have a bad word said against Edward.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So now what we do is there's like a public vote for who goes to the Eurovision. Yeah. And Samantha Mumba... auditioned body to body funk to funky we all know how to rock it's been a while it's been a while but she's a you gotta know girl like so Samantha Mumba is so cool in art as we were growing up Yeah. I remember there's only two and a half, three people I've been properly starstruck by.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And that was Bertie Ahern, much to my shame. I can't, I can't explain it. Can't explain it. It was years ago. It was, it was, it was during the whole kind of Celtic downfall thing. You were funny around Michal Martin as well when we met him. You were funny. I was. I was giddy. I was giddy. Yeah, I was giddy. Yeah. I father it. You know yourself. Don't let her near the president of Ireland.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Joe, the second you get into politics and put on a suit, good luck to you. I will be all over you like a rat up a drainpipe. Samantha Mumba. I know power when I smell it. I can smell power. And Samantha Mumba walked through Paris Court Townhouse one day and I was in my, at this point, like I'd spent my youth wanting to be in the Billy Barys and go to stage school and dance and perform and sing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Like ski wise. He was like, oh, no, no, no. I can't do this. So. They had to get one of those... Stretchers? Yeah. No! Yeah, it's the most undignified thing I've ever seen. They get a stretcher with these absolute ski beast men who could ski across water. They're just so capable.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And Pat McNally had knocked that out of me with her bare hands. So I just looked on with admiration. And Samantha Mumba walked through Paris Courtenay's and the star quality of that woman. She was like oozing it like a snail. There was like star goo coming out the back of her. Oh my God. And I was like, oh my God, Samantha Mumba, Samantha Mumba.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Anyway, now we're kind of like friends because we DM sometimes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Always. No, sorry. It was the one in the back. It was the one without the belt that did the damage.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Thank you, Samantha. Thank you. I could not. I could not agree more. No one in Ireland of that generation will forget that put your fucking seatbelt on ad that has probably kept millions of us alive. So Samantha Mumba is basically Mother Teresa.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
She's Gandhi. Anyway, Samantha Mumba auditioned, who's she successful? Irish singer, pop singer. And then she kind of went off and did her own thing. She's in America now. She's had a couple of kids. She's got a hot fella. And she decided to audition for the Irish Eurovision. So she's on the late, late, and they have a panel of inverted commas, experts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And I'm playing devil's advocate here now, even though I am team Samantha.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I love you all. I think there was a person on the panel. So the panel was, they weren't like big musos. They weren't like pop. They weren't ex pop stars as such the way Samantha is. And I think Samantha basically was a bit like overqualified for the job and she didn't think they were treated that well. She didn't get through. And she was a bit like, that was shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
That was a shit experience for me. And they kind of undermined me and their feedback wasn't that sound. And I don't think they're really in a position to, to be criticising someone who's had an actual pop career, which I think is like grand. Who are the judges? Who are the other judges? Donald Skean, Laura Fox and Arthur Geroulian.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And I know that's not the correct pronunciation, but... Arthur Geroulian. Yeah, Brian Darling's fellow. So they were on the panel. Samantha didn't get through and she was pissed off. Not about that, she says, which I believe her because we're best friends. Because she likes my stories sometimes. And she kind of clapped back.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, I mean, you know, you can't expect it back if you don't give it, you know. You can't drag a horse to water. You can't drag a horse to water.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Sorry, the saying is, you can't, you can... Sorry. No. I had two kombuchas earlier.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And they packed him into a sleeping bag and put him on a little gurney or whatever, minus the wheels, and skied him back down. And his friends were taking videos and all. And it was, I will say, it was undignified. It was undignified. I was saying to him, I was like, I really wish you hadn't shown me that, to be honest. I wish I hadn't seen that. God love him, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
It's like my friend Nicola always says, life is long, girls. We're like, that's not the saying, Nicola. That's not the saying. It's short. She's like, girls, life is long. Anyway, where were we? Life is like a box of chocolates is what we were going to say. Life is like a box of chocolates. And the early bird eats the caramel worm. Yeah. So Samantha Mumba's super cool.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Donald Sheehan, I'm not familiar with his work. I know he's a TV chef.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I know. Oh, yeah. I'm not saying I don't. I'm also team Donald.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, I'm more of an air fryer gal, so I don't think his book is going to really suit me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Jesus, folk. Can I not just lie about anything? Can I not have a private life, though? Can I not have a private culinary life? Okay, yeah. I eat my dinner out of the neighbor's bins. Now everyone knows. I just wait for the neighbours to throw out their leftovers and then I go through them like a fox.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Ramadi sent me kombuchas and I'm fucking strung out in them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Donald Skian looks like if you asked AI to turn George Clooney into a CBeebies presenter does that make sense yes what a great way of describing him yeah I really thought about that I was like I looked at loads of photos of Donald sorry Donald and I was like I need to describe this man so the people who aren't engaged in Irish culinary politics can picture him and that is what he looks like do you know where he lives Ireland where in Ireland
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, he's probably made a bit of cash now selling his spaghettis. Yeah, so he's a very big cash in Hoth now. Yes, he's got a large, like a large kind of pasta fed house in Hoth. When I heard that Donald Skean was in a pop band, I was like, that is so, because he's so wholesome. It just, it was like, it'd be like hearing if Dermot O'Leary was a pole dancer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
He does do some pole dancing on his radio show. I've seen it. Well, he does dancing, but it just, it was a jarring thing to learn. Joe, Google him there and you'll see exactly what I mean. He's got Blue Peter vibes, but he's kind of great. He does look clean. Really clean. Yeah. But I would have also questioned his credentials as Samantha Mummadidge. She was like, how is this lad telling me
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And then it turned out that he was in a band years ago called Industry, which kind of shocked my core. I have an overactive nervous system anyway, so that didn't help. I kind of spasmed when I heard this news. And he auditioned to represent Ireland in the Eurovision the year that Dustin won. Shut up! Oh God, Dustin, beat him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
For anyone who doesn't know, Dustin is an Irish turkey puppet. I don't know how else to explain it really. He's a turkey puppet. But with a very good comedian behind him. He's a great comedian behind him, but he is ultimately... A turkey puppet. That went to the Eurovision and represented Ireland. Instead of Donald Sheehan.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So we would maybe think that there's a little bit of resentment there in Donald's oven, would we say?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Oh, yeah. Samantha clapped back. She didn't get through. She didn't think the judges treated her very well or any of the contestants. And she clapped back. And we're always kind of torn between taking the high road and clapping back. And when someone claps back, it's always fascinating. I love it. She sent them a bag of dicks. She was like, you weren't nice. You weren't kind.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
You've no credentials. I didn't enjoy the experience. Here's a bag of dicks and sent all the aubergine emojis. And then Donald Sheehan clapped back by posting loads of recipes with aubergines in them and also kind of defending his position by alerting us all to the fact that he was in industry, which was so shocking. I actually went into anaphylactic shock. It was, I couldn't get over it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, he does. I actually couldn't get over it. He looks like he has the rhythm of a bin bag. I'm sorry, Donald. I'm sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Just give it to the Eurovision. It's like asking Helen Mirren to audition for Home and Away. It's ridiculous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Exactly. Ireland should have been like, oh, Samantha Mumbo wants to represent us in the Eurovision. But Joanne, we can't afford it. Give her an Adele song or a Coldplay song. No, no, no. No one's looking at us anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Sorry, you're right. A 9-11 is an inside job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I would just love to see Samantha Mumba singing Yellow by Coldplay without anyone admitting that we've ripped it off from Coldplay and just say that it's parallel thinking, which is what a lot of people say when they've ripped something off. That would have been my ideal Eurovision. It didn't happen. I'm team Mumba's, but I respect Donald and I respect his past. But everyone's fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
There's more aubergines been sent. I've never seen so many aubergines flying back and forth. It was the celebrity feud we needed. I hope it goes to the high courts. I'm holding space.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Wow, I'm invited. That's highly insulting. Wow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
It doesn't. Herself indoors. Vogue is coming to us live from the slopes of Alpen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Unless you've been... Three. You actually sent me three invites. Make sure you're there. Make sure you're there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
get it there's a saying for when someone has all the gear but no experience no idea all the gear no idea it works better in an English accent doesn't it Joe all the gear no idea doesn't sound quite right for us but yeah I think it's one of those things probably the more you spend in the ski suit the less experience you have because you're trying to you're trying to ski on charisma basically 10 steps and hope no one notices do you know what I mean yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Ski on style. Here I go. Yeah. It's like if you turn up with a huge wedding dress, you're like, she's having an affair. It's the same kind of philosophy. Yeah. You're trying to overcompensate.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
She'd be like... But she'd have so much Dutch curves that she'd be like... I'd just get up and just ring the paramedic straight away and be like, I just wanted the ski lift experience. I have no intention of skiing down. I'd be wearing roller skates or something stupid.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Anyone I know who skis speaks very highly of it. I don't know a single person who's come back and went, that was a load of shit. It's so, it's such, it's. What are those disco party things that everyone, there's always babies dancing and what are they called? Apres ski. So.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
It's so much fun. But you won't go with me because you won't do anything with me that I'm not good at. Well, I mean... Because you say it embarrasses you and it frustrates you. So you won't go with me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
And then... What I would do is I would do some classes on like one of those dry slopes here. Kiltiernan in Dublin. Kiltiernan in Wicklow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah, I'll start in Kiltern. I'll ring Kiltern. I'll ring Kiltern. Do you ring Kiltern in there now? I'll get Lauren to ring Kiltern. Let's get this show on the road.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Of the two people I'm looking at, there's only one that's going to actually go skiing with me, and it's not Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Have you done the slippery... What's that slippery thing that the kids do in the summer where they put the washing up liquid on the park and then they go down on a... Slip and slide. Slip and slide. Oh, yeah, big fan of that, yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good start.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. Long story short, I got a request from a colonoscopy man. Okay. He was like, so I don't know if you're interested, but I do colonoscopies and I'd love to interview while you're getting a colonoscopy for our social content. I was like, are you? Hi. Hi. And he goes, oh, worst case scenario, you get a free colonoscopy. And I was like, that's not the worst case scenario.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
The worst case scenario is I actually do it. And there's social content of me with a tube up my ass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
while telling you my life story I was like no no like I get the brands I get a collab I understand it's all back scratching and all that but that's taking the piss I think or taking the if that had been me like six years ago and someone said I'll give you what's the other one not a colonoscopy the one where you it clears you out what's that called again
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Oh my God. I totally forgot they're different things. Sorry. I think he was offering me a colonic irrigation. He wanted a colonoscopy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So I wouldn't even be on camera. I'd be my asshole on camera. But I tell my life story. It's just going to my rectum. Oh my God, that's actually worse than I thought it was. I thought I'd just be facing the camera with a hose up my ass. But no, the camera would be in my ass. What if it finds a fibroid?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I was like, I understand we've all got something to sell. We never want to market. Coloscopy. I was slightly insulted. I was like, oh, come on now. I know I'm not exactly, you know, I'm not on the cover of Cosmo, but like also I don't need to be giving you footage from my rectum.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Imagine they tried to put a camera in my liver and the whole liver would dissolve. They'd be like, oh God, we've been holding it together now barely.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
It needs a glow up. Send it to Amanda Byron on The Swan. That liver needs a full set of teeth and a fringe. It's the best.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
At least there's a bit of dignity in people looking at your smear. Really? It's a different thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I'm not going to lie. I still have no idea what happens.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So together we knew it all. We embarrassed ourselves. It wasn't the first time. It won't be the last time. All right. And we let it go out. We let it go out. Yeah. Between three of us, we have five children. So I think we get it. I think we get it. Okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. We knew something shifted when all of you gave birth. So we get it. We're fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, yeah. I did and only because I had to learn. I had a joke about a mini golf course or something. I can't remember what it was. It's something about it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I mean, like I say, like they don't. Why don't we know that? Anyway, let's not rehash old embarrassments. But look, we're learning. Every day is a school day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I dated a man before who got dropped off of the... The helicopter? Yeah. No, no, no, no. We went up on the ski lift. Yeah, the Sky Walter. Well, everyone goes on the ski lift. No, no, no, that's not the story. I'm not like, oh my God, he did what? That's it. That's it, yeah. Just got the lift off the top. Never heard from him since.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
But then he tells Gigi. I have a tip. Tell your kids they're adopted and then they'll never ask. I swear to God. I was just told... I was told about the adoptive process that everyone... you know, just wanted me so badly that they couldn't decide. I was like a hot jack of potato and then I ended up with my family.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
So I was too busy trying to process that that it never occurred to me to ask how I physically arrived on earth. I was just trying to figure out how I arrived on the south side of Dublin.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Yeah. She's too hot for us. She's just too hot. We all want her, but she's... Oh God, she's too...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Sorry, Vogue, have we not just done one and a half episodes on the fact that we don't know what a period is and you've just said it's the only thing you learned in school?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Well, and this is, this is, this is kind of me dropping in the Ambie thing, but the, who replaced Avril Lavigne was nominated for an Ambie, which I didn't know what an Ambie was, but it's basically an American, it's like the American British Podcast Awards kind of thing. Yeah. And I was writing about it. I was doing a post about it because, you know, you obviously have to, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Of course, anything in America. Anything in America.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
Oh my God. Are you joking? I'd be singing, I'd be doing 10 minutes at the inauguration in me. Make no mistake. I actually didn't know, but I know now what an ambience. And I was writing a post and I was going to say, um, if I could just get Ronan Keating to pray and to, I know. And then I was like, I don't think, I think, I don't think, I think that's kind of mean. Well, Ronan Keating praying?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy
I think he is a prayer. To ask him to pray. Is he a prayer though or are we just slagging him?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I think, to be honest with you, I'd prefer to do what the girls did there the other day. They went up, they went down. They didn't have to stick around. They didn't even need, you were talking about space jeans. They didn't even need to take water with them. They were only up and down 11 minutes. I know you take the strap on with you, but they only had their, they had nothing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I mean, they all obviously wanted to go. I think he did pay for that flight. Imagine someone was like, here, do you want to go to space for 11 minutes?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
connection to the world and I don't know when she got so woo woo I think it happened when your man was riding behind her naked on the paddle board because that's when they went a bit hippy dippy Orlando yeah yeah maybe they went a bit hippy dippy together
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Can I just also say one thing? Like, I've never had any interest in space personally, but like, it looked fun floating around, but it also must have been a little bit scary. Like, I've seen so many of those rockets explode. I'm like, like, you wouldn't be 100% sure you wouldn't explode.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
two days training you wouldn't even get into the Aer Lingus lounge on two days training of course you wouldn't it's impossible to get in there it's insane one thing I did love from it were a few of the memes that I saw have you seen any of the memes yeah of course there was one that was like there's a picture of all the girls up in space all the women up in space and it's like the bachelorette party at the gay bar ruining everyone's good time
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I think kissing the ground for me, Katy Perry kissing the ground for me. Like you can understand those astronauts that have been there since last February. I thought I'd never come back to Earth, but you're only gone a hot minute.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
but like I say it's a PR stunt yeah I wouldn't be going to space now myself actually thinking about it I don't like I thought I might want to go at the start of this conversation and I'm like no they actually got a lot of abuse for it so I'd actually rather I'm trying to avoid that kind of drama in my life yeah we need to keep the head down now folks there's no point in us going to space we don't need that kind of attention
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'm scared to fly back to London at this stage. Jesus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Well, I suppose it is. Of course it is. It's a mega rich person's roller coaster.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Listen, next week you'll see on my Instagram, I've been to space, I couldn't recommend it more. Hashtag ad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Go to space to get your whites even whiter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Vogue Williams makes Katy Perry move from her seat on the way to space.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
She looks like an AI. Yeah, she's just perfection. We're not going to take that away. Yeah. She's so pretty. I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't be able to. My confidence wouldn't allow myself to be friends with her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Well, Joanne, why do you think I never hang around with you? I only see you on the pod. I can't take it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Go into the Zara changing room and get a picture for me there, will you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'd rather the Visa ones, if you wouldn't mind, actually. Okay, so M Radha said, the space mission this morning, that's end time shit. That you care about Mother Earth and it's about Mother Earth and you're going up in a spaceship that is built and paid for by a company that's single-handedly destroying the planet. Look at the state of the world.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Think about how many resources went into putting these women into space, he continued. For what? For what? For what? What was the marketing there? I'm disgusted, literally. I mean, she's put her, like, can you stand behind? I do, listen, I agree with that. If it's like six, I didn't know it was like that bad for the environment, like 600,000. It's pretty, it is pretty bad, but like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I still, yes, I would say it is a silly move, but I still, I hate when people just rain on other people so bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I would say we need to do less things like that so we don't fuck with the environment. But I would also say, let's not all just keep attacking Katy Perry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I think I'm too scared. I just, I think I'm too, I don't even like flying. When you say, I had to get a, I had to get a really small plane home last night and I was like, that's it. This is the end now. That's it. Isn't it elephants who are pregnant forever? 22 months.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
The varicose veins. God love her. I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
if this is the most empowering thing a woman can do but basically it happened when I was in some parts and I was gone for drinks in these people's house and these two women came and they arrived together and they had three kids between them two kids were one woman's one kids was the other woman's and then I don't know what happened but I got up um to go somewhere with one of the women and uh
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And then I was like, oh, she's this man's wife. And then they were like, no, that is. And I was like, what is going on? So basically, this man was married to one of the women for like 10, 12 years, had two kids. They broke up. Then he married the other woman, had one child. And now those two women are best friends.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
best and she was Ukrainian and she said that in Ukraine that's what they do like that if somebody had been married before like they would never just shun them and they never like disconnect them from the family and everything and I was like it was amazing to see especially for the kids because the kids were obviously really good friends as well then even though one was a lot younger but I'd never in my life seen anything like it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
thought it was the most amazing thing i'd ever heard because i just don't know if i'd be able to particularly but i suppose it is the nice way to be of course i would dream yeah i think if i was able to have my parents in the same room as he it would have been kind of the dream is to have him removed entirely and just have the women raising the children together in some sort of commune but i kind of feel like that they mainly just stayed out and about and doing their own thing and he would go off to work and they were just being best friends like living their best life
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
But that could, now the thing about that is I could, I'd say that probably took a long, long time for that to happen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
It is nice to see. Did you see those sisters said that they still have baths together?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I like it. I don't think I'd like to be in anyone's dirty bath and I certainly wouldn't want to be in the bath with Amber. Sorry, absolutely no way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
How dare you? Slagging off my new kids.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Well, women pigeons have a love heart just under their right eye. If you ever look at them, if you can get close enough.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
They're all marked like that. All the women pigeons have like a love heart mark under their right eye. Imagine any of this was fact checked.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I love the way that you're letting pigeons nest on your thing. On my roof in Ireland, I have these jets. This is like they're hooked up to a hose and any time a seagull comes near, it sprays water so they don't shit in the roof. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
why do you hate nature Vogue let's see what you do when your window turns white from all the shit they shit everywhere Vogue Williams shoots down natural wildlife from mansion and house Joanne threw a load of bats out of her apartment you're not allowed to touch bats
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I wonder if they'll have any babies on your balcony. That'd be quite cute, wouldn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
thrilled for you do you know what I'm going to get you as a present when you eventually give me my Christmas present because I'm not giving you any presents until I get that it's now April it's nearly May that's a fair boundary there's a bird feeder that you get right and on top of it is a camera so it like takes videos of all the birds and it's hooked up to your phone amazing I saw a woman wear a hat and just right in front of her she had a big rim on the hat and she put bird seed in it so the birds would literally be sitting on her head which was a little much now I didn't I wasn't I wasn't agreeing with that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So there's a man that sits across from the Albrecht Bridge in Chelsea and he sits on this, just a seating area outside. And like he literally has hundreds of pigeons all over him. And he does have shit and stuff on his jacket because he just lets them all climb on him. Pigeon man. Yeah. So you could be pigeon woman. Do you want to just be sitting there in a raincoat?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I was asking somebody. Take a nest in there. I don't use it. I was asking somebody yesterday, what's the worst thing you've made in an air fryer? And he's like, oh, I don't know. I was like, my friend tried to put an egg in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
That's the ultimate laziness, choking an egg in the egg fryer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, I'll keep that in mind, Joe. I'll keep that in mind.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I am so jet lagged. St. Boris is five hours behind. I cannot sleep.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
but some of the comments are so funny some of the advice telling her what to do to his apartment can I read them to you oh my god yes I'd love that also by the way when I say I'm jet lagged and I'm not getting much sleep obviously I got 8 hours last night but that's not great for me you know what I couldn't fall asleep till 12 is what I mean I need to find my whoop get back on track the next day for me
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Antoine, you're on tour. You promised when you went on tour, you were going to... When's your next tour date?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, oh God. No, you haven't. That's your first line.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
That is sadistic. The milk is sadistic. Oh, please, God. You'd have to move out. You'd have to repaint the place. Get rid of all your curtains.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
you could do a lot of like the oven trays and stuff like things like that or take the you know where you put the milk in the fridge take that thing away they're really expensive I love that the microwave's really big kick me out you can lose your lasagna's not getting cooked too you know prick The milk is the worst.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
There we go. Tomp to tomp. You're a little liar, Joe. You didn't listen once.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
But also you could do that as well. That could just be an additional extra. Yes. This is actually quite, these are quite abusive, I have to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh my God, 11.11, make a wish, quick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I was thinking. No, do it. It's still 11.11. It won't be 11.11 forever. She doesn't believe in the universe until she thinks she can get something from it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
That's a bit much now. Like I do block occasionally, but I wouldn't be blocking for something like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Never say a word if a celeb follows you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Nicki Minaj and Cardi B had a big scrap and then they had a social media back and forth and then blocked each other.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Bella Hadid and Selena Gomez. There's always a bit of drama going on amongst them, isn't there?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Blocked. This is a funny one. Matt Damon blocked Benedict Cumberbatch after Cumberbatch joked about Matt Damon's acting style. So he went on. He was obviously really pissed off by it and blocked him. People are very sensitive, aren't they? Yeah. I mean very sensitive I'd love to know who's blocked me I'd say I've been blocked by a lot of people I've been blocked I'm blocked by Piers Morgan
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, you need to know if the feud was real. Sorry, can I just say no one actually has any pity for me. I have to do this podcast and then I have to listen back to it every week. Do you know how hard that is sometimes?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, Twitter, yeah. Everyone blocks you on Twitter, though. I don't even know how to get on to my Twitter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
apparently well obviously we've never been to Coachella nor do we want to go the influencer so who said we didn't want to go who said we didn't would you go I just couldn't really be arsed like it looks so I know so so you're yeah that's the I guess that was our vibe My insides feel like they want to go, but like my outsides know that I just couldn't be ours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And I'm like, I just, again, it's like, I just, I'd hate to feel so shit about myself down there. Because when you see all the influencers and I'm like, how are they like? Like I'd be absolutely deranged in the free bar. Is there a free bar? I'm just going to assume there is because tickets are so expensive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Joanne McNally. And there's Jo Ashywell. He's back from his five weeks off. Yay!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I also really want to go and see her. She's playing in London soon. But I heard people were annoyed by her performance, but maybe I got that wrong. Oh, really? Yeah. Coachella's on again this weekend, by the way. So they do, it's two separate weekends. I saw Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet went to, everyone was like, oh my God, how dare she go down when Travis is performing that day?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
How dare she go down with her new fella? And then she was literally standing watching him perform. It's like, I think it's okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
As much as I would like to experience it personally. Yeah. Do you know what? I have to go. I'm going to go call a couple of my exes if you don't mind. I'm going to let you go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I just think we are who we are and that's who we'll always be. And we can admire from afar those who are able to go and watch their exes play in concert at Coachella like Kylie Jenner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I had to read that book four times by the time because, you know, when I finished the book, I was like, right, I'm finished the book. And then it's like now the edit happens and I'm on the fourth time reading it and I hate myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I could AI the voice and get changed the voice. Oh, that's what I'll do. I'll put it into the ChatGPT AI pot. Yes, and get someone else to do it in a different voice. You could have an accent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Oh, and I am on tour with my book. Two dates on tour. Joanne is on tour. I am doing two dates. Joanne's off to Europe. If you'd like to come to my two-show tour. Your book's not even out yet. My book's not even out yet. But it is on pre-order on my Instagram. And I'm in Vicar Street the 26th of May. And I'm going to have Garen Noon. He is going to be the host of that evening.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
And then the 27th in Union Chapel in London. It's low tickets on that one. And it's Lou Sanders who is... Yeah, I love Lou Sanders.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, she's going to be the host for that one. So that's also on my Instagram bio on my tour. I'll be wrecked. I'll be knackered. We'll have to get you a drip. I won't be able for it. When will I have time to train, Joanne?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'm sending you resistance bands for your tour. I'm going to keep you in check. You're getting those little packing bags, packing cubes and resistance bands.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
See, I've never seen you have tea, so I don't know. I didn't know if that was tea or orange juice. It was so... I'm a new... She's got a little cup of milk there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
You know what might have happened? The old people might have moved out, taken their rugs with them, and that would have been blocking the noise from the floor. Because in some apartments, you're not even allowed to pull up your carpet. You have to legally have carpet down because the noise travels so much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, yeah. I think it's more of an Irish thing as well as what I like to say because I used to, when Spenny and I used to do the pod together, people would be like, God, it's like she hates him. And I was like, no, the more I slag him, the more I love him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
You know, even in a conversation in Ireland, if you say a word wrong, like the whole group will turn at you and be like, oh God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
One of the most embarrassing things that happened to me when I was younger, and it's only because it was in Ireland. I don't think it would have been as bad if I was grown up anywhere else. There was this group of boys that weren't from our school. So they were like the special boys and we like loved them. And we went to a house party and I got so deranged.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I was trying to kiss one of them, but I was obviously so pissed. And he clearly didn't fancy me. And I tried to kiss him and he wouldn't kiss me. But I did it like six or seven times. And the slagging, honestly, the girls sometimes will still say it to me today. And I'm like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
you can choose any of them Vogue you can have any of them I think actually I would like to be sleazy searshow thank you so much sleazy searshow you can have that yeah it's a nice hashtag as well yeah it would work quite well do you want to hear some do you want to have a good what day is it today good news is it Wednesday good news Wednesday we're recording on a Wednesday good news Wednesday but when's it going out it's going out Friday so good news Friday okay we'll say good news Friday what have I gotten back oh yeah you're back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Or looking after yourself. Can I tell you what you do? Before you even say it, will I tell you what you do?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Listen, Jo, I don't even listen to the podcast. Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. The bonus only goes out today. Oh shit, it hasn't aired yet. Well, we're not telling you about it. You have to listen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
So now it's not back in my actual hands, but fair play to Gatwick Airport. They found the bag. How? Because I suppose people probably think it's explosives or something in the bag. I left my bag in the airport, Jo, by an accident and I was hoping to get it back. But honestly, did you think I'd get it back? Be honest. No, I didn't. No way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
It was gorgeous. It was a brand new hand. It would have been tough not to steal it myself. oh the relief the buzz of that I haven't got it back yet because you have to pay 15 quid for them to have found it for you like a finders fee fair don't care and then they send it back which is 60 quid to get my bag back but listen I'm thrilled it hasn't arrived back but I'm absolutely thrilled
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Okay, so you put the tea bag in, you put the water in, you put the milk straight in and then off you go and just let the tea do its work as you're wandering around with the tea.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Listen, it's mainly about the hand... Okay, fine. It's mainly about the luggage. So thank you to... I'd like to thank the listeners. I'd like to thank Catwick Airport. And I'd like to thank St Anthony. I'm absolutely delighted. It's made my week. Good old Anto. Yeah, sorting my life out. Fair play to him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Do you know, you already just told us about a story about when you lost your passport in the airport. And now you're telling another story about losing another passport.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Do you ever see when Kim went to get her picture taken, Kim Kardashian in the DMV and she brought her hair and makeup and her whole glam and they had all this lighting around. Now she looked amazing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Yeah, it's 10 years you've got to look at that shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I didn't say boiling water either. It could be tepid.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
the opposite of kind to kind well I go in and get one taken but I get really embarrassed and flustered so like by the second time I'm like no can you do it once more I'm like I can't ask again yeah yeah yeah and the others are gone then you're like I wish I'd just taken photo one and now like I'm stuck on photo gargoyle three
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I can't flash the ugly away. Tough luck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
Have you ever had an oat flat white? I have. I had never had one before, but I was ordering a double espresso with hot milk and they kept thinking I was ordering a double espresso with oat milk. So I was having oat milk. No, it's not even going to be funny.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Blue Origin, Pigeons & Amicable Breakups
I'll never be able to get enough of it. My boots will never be full. Your space boots? My space boots will never be full. And do you know what? Your main boots? After not wanting to go to space, where do you think I just want to go now? I want to go to space.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
How is it two years since your 40th? I don't understand that because remember we were talking about your 40th all the time. I know. We're doing this four years now. Five years?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Can you believe that? How have we not killed each other? Four years since I spread fake tan on you in your bedroom and your little light bulb head went off and went, I think there's a business in this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I think we'll get on very well together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Four years we're doing this podcast, Vogue, and we're both still alive. I know. It's really incredible. Joe's hanging on by a thread, but he's still there. Joe's quit several times. We always get him back. It's always storming out around Tanti's. Tanti's. We're like, Joe, get back in here. No one else wants you, mate. Yeah. Whatever, Joe. We're the only ones that'll have you. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Do you know what, folk? We've navigated all sorts, haven't we? Like what? Tours and... Yes, tours. Scandals, contracts. Why is it always me in the scandal, though? It's always me. Well, I like to keep a little... It's not like I'm intentionally keeping a low profile. I just have one. I'm going to get you a scandal this year, I've decided.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I wouldn't mind a bit of a scandal now, just to up things a little bit. No, I'm going to get you quite a big one, to be honest. It's time. I was disappointed I didn't get celebrity trailers, so I'm in the market for a scandal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I was disappointed. Well, I wasn't. I didn't really think I'd get that, but I really wanted to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, I was kind if there was chat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
oh god I'm jealous of that that is like that's gonna be such I would have loved it it's very rare I'm not I don't do much telly really traders I'm not in the telly I'm not in the telly circles but I when there was a bit of chat about that I was like oh yeah I think I would have been really shy around you if you'd done it because I would have just become such a mega fan then and I wouldn't have been able well it's nice when it takes something for you to respect me yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
no I'll fancy you I'll fancy you when I see you at your show thank you that's when I'll fancy you again you'll be writing up she's like a new to her dog I'm pumping my leg after the show and I'm like please control yourself scratching at the dressing room door are you ready are you ready are you ready with your little lipstick popping out in the dog tub
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
oh yeah I'm going to get you a scandal I'm sick of being the one that has the scandals but do you know what do you remember I said to you I was like I kind of can't wait until they move on to the next person which is a terrible thing to say but they always do who's the next person in the UK or in American states in the UK oh I don't know who's the next person Brooklyn Beckham and his wife
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Brooklyn Beckham and his wife Nicola Peltz, it's said that they've fallen out with the family. He didn't go to David Beckham's 50th birthday. And I do think that there's probably truth behind that, that they've had a bit of a family fallout. But I do find it fascinating to watch what the press do around them. Like all of a sudden, Nicola Peltz is the Wicked Witch of the East that's pulled.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
She's, what would you say? Homewrecker. she's like a homewrecker she took Brooklyn Beckham from his family and that was her plan all along and it's just like do you know what it's just why is it always the woman she's pulled a Meghan Markle they've said she pulled her whole intention was to pull him away from his family Nobody knows what they're fighting about.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I think they're definitely fighting, but we don't know what they're fighting about. But I just find it really funny how it's always the woman. Why is it her? And also, they can't really say, oh, she only married him for money or she only married him for this and that because her dad is a billionaire. Her dad is richer than the Beckhams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
oh now that to me is so this woman was trying to sell them on the internet reckoned she was going to get guess how much she thought she was going to get for the human towels 15 grand nope 20 nope higher nope way less one grand 400 dollars what you wouldn't get two areas of Botox for that why would you buy them 400 dollars the dogs peed the towels up oh my god she took the towels out put them in a jar it's mad I know somehow got stung jeez
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah. The narrative is always that men are thick as shit and they don't know anything and they can't make any decisions. They have no autonomy. They have no mental independence and that women just guide them round like fucking ferrets. Yeah. And that they don't make any decisions for themselves and that we're there with our cauldron and our Ouija boards. Exactly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And one of those dolls that you stick the sticks in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
voodoo dolls making all the decisions yeah turning them against their family just for your own gain like just lead them off like they're just pets like little goats like farm goats this narrative has kind of been going on quite a long time between them though as well because he when he moved to America by the way there is truth to that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Truth to us. We are. We do guide them around a bit. They are sometimes. You have to guide them slightly but it doesn't mean you're pulling them away from your family.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And even with the Meghan Markle stuff. But we are more formidable I would say. But like with the Meghan Markle stuff it's like okay it's just easy of course she's not everybody's cup of tea but it's easy to say that she is the one that's like dragging but Prince Harry's going on TV and he is saying some mad shit. And she's not there behind him controlling him like a ventriloquist.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
If she does have power, she needs to tell him to stop wearing that cowboy hat at the Carter tour because that was not a good choice for him. If she has any sway, Meghan, if you listen, please step in. If you have the power, we think you do. Prince Harry in a cowboy hat? It was too much for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Do you know what? It was a bit funky, you'd say about him because he's really uncool. So it's like, oh wow, look, Prince Harry looks funky.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit funky. Yeah, exactly. Funky is like the term my mum uses for runners that have big shoelaces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're very funky. Yeah. But did you hear that Nicola and... Brooklyn. Brooklyn. And Meghan... He takes fantastic pictures. Have you ever seen his book? Harry, God love him. This is what happens when your parents are billionaires.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Nicola and Brooklyn and Megan and Harry are all having dinner together now because Megan and Nicola are like this shared experience of being kind of cast out from a family or being accused of stealing a man from his own family. So they're all having dinner in LA together with Harry's cowboy hat. That's what I heard. They're serving canapes out of the hat and they're having nibbles.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Picky bits out of the hat. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I made a big nacho spread and I had just
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
The guac's in the hat, guys. If you want the guac, it's on the patio.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Murray just won't let that thing go. He absolutely loves it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, I just find the whole thing just... Now, in fairness, I don't... I keep doing it that way. I like that they're the narrative at the moment. I don't want to keep the narrative so bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Isn't it terrible, though? Because you're like... You see... We don't want it... We don't want any attention on ourselves in that way. But we're happy to read about negative attention towards someone else. I know. We're part of the problem, Jo. We're part of the problem.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'll be honest. I only read the headlines. And as I said... That's just for time. But that's like the... It's the click-baity stuff that is like... And then you could read something. It's like, hang on. That's got absolutely nothing to do with that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Katy Perry had a good moment this week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
because I've only seen I've only seen I've only seen the bad dancing she really needs one Katy Perry and I was like yes go Katy can I just say one thing I just it's nice to see her on stage dancing like that because as somebody who also can't dance I like that you don't always have to be the best
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
No, exactly. And Katy Perry was never a dancer. No, she's a great singer and I like her music. She's a great singer and she's a great performer and she's a great entertainer. Entertainer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
So anyway, she was doing this sold out arena show in Chicago, sold out people coming in from the rafters. And she was like, oh, and they tell me I'm the most hated person on the Internet. And everyone clapped and whooped and cheered.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And I thought, yes, Katie, because she was like, when the internet decides to make you a human piñata, you sense love back because the internet is full of unhealed and hurt people. And I was like, it's true. And I don't know how she's coping with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I mean, obviously there's bigger shit going on in the world, but I think to get that much hate, I just thought it was so nice that physically, tangibly, she had a big sellout show. People were clapping and loving her work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
and she acknowledged it and she's like I'm supposed to be the most hated person on the internet but you're all here and isn't this a lovely event and I said go Kylie I'd say when you look at people like that maybe take a dance class just one in an afternoon don't get full time have you seen how much dancing I've done and I'm still shit How much dancing have you done? You did a crash course.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me, with myself, Joanne McNally, and herself... Vogue Williams. Vogue Williams. Vogue Williams. Great news story. Australia's giving a lot of news at the moment between the mushroom story that we won't get into for legal reasons, but one of the jurors was sacked. From the mushroom trial? From the mushroom trial.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I used to do dancing when I was growing up, honestly. I've actually got no excuse. It's just some people can't dance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
So I don't really want everyone to start spreading that around again. Although actually, if anyone wants to, I do really go dancing in that. What?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh, sorry. Oh, take that back. Yeah, what do you mean? On the internet, me and my ex-husband used to do, we did a dance show together.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
The dogs have been surrounded at the shelter after the death of their owner. They keep saying he died of natural causes. The dogs still ate him anyway, which I find shocking. Is that just the deal? If you lie around a dog long enough, they just eat you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, no, no. We meant the street dancing one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Go watch me doing my dance to Rita Ora. He fell over a light and fell on his arse and I kept dancing. And my dancing in that is brilliant, brilliant dancing. I'm doing head rolls and everything. Really?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, yeah. Whipping my hair around. I don't imagine I'd have a huge amount of rhythm either now, to be fair. I can rave. I can do the 90s dance things like packing the shelves and smacking the fish. I wouldn't know what you're good at, honestly, because... You surprise me all the time with things. I definitely, I wouldn't be able to do any of the Strictly dancing or anything like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
It's really, it's like, I think that, I think they always choose somebody as well from the Christmas special to do it because I don't think people realize how intense it is. So you have a minimum amount of hours of dancing you have to do a week, which is like 12. You're never going to learn the whole dance and do well in 12 hours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
So you have to like, people are doing like 50 hours a week and stuff like that because you want to do well. You kind of get into the vibe of the competition. I would also cheat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
you just can't I'd cheat no I would I'd go if I got booked to do it and I don't I don't want to do it because I can't dance and it's not it's not for me it's just not for me I wouldn't enjoy it but if I did decide to do it and I was offered it I would go to like Mexico and literally train as a Cuban dancer for six months and then come back and for six months I mean that's a lot of work for the show isn't it well yeah maybe I'd do okay I do a weekend I do a weekend dance class in London who's competitive who's competitive
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'm going to Wimbledon. Do you want to know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
So I will tell you one thing, right? Cats will eat you immediately. They don't even care if there's food left out for them. They'll go for you and they'll start in your nose straight away. Dogs will only eat you if they're absolutely starving. Why would he go for the toes first? That's an unusual place to starve, isn't it? Imagine your dog swallowing your toes whole like an oyster.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Just another little plug for myself. I've had an extra Amsterdam. There's still tickets to Berlin. Stockholm, Copenhagen, Oslo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
They actually had someone mail me about getting you to go on the piss with them in Stockholm. And I was like, I don't know if she's going to do that. She might be busy after the show. I don't think I'll be busy. I think you're going to go on the piss with the audiences in the European cities. When the rooms are small enough, you go on the piss with the audience. Tell me about your birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
My birthday. So I'm funny about my birthday. Not funny about my birthday, but I do. You know, people go heavy on their birthday. It's like we all have one. Do you know when people go really heavy on their birthday?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I know. To be honest with you, I'm going to have a few birthdays this year. Yeah, but it's your 40th. Yeah, but I do it for the difference. And then I'll stop again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Like, I would date with a guy once who had, like a grown man who had a birthday week. He'd have a whole week. Some people have a birthday month. I'm like, you're in your 40s.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I know. Somebody's like, oh, it started my birthday month. I'm like, no. No. Yeah, no. Birthday month? Come on. We all have birthdays. Yeah, sorry. Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
You know it's not like a talent. Stop enjoying life that much. Yeah. Stop enjoying yourself. Excuse you. Stop enjoying yourself. You can have a day. Stop enjoying your existence so much. That's too much actually. Stop celebrating yourself so much. So I never really have birthday parties or anything. Like I don't think I've ever had a birthday party not since I was like 9 or 10.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Well I've been to a couple of your parties. Come on we went out for dinner and stuff like that for your birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah. Yeah but it'd be like I wouldn't spend the day otherwise you'd just spend the day crying alone in the bath. Like I have to do something. You've got to do something to market. You've got to do something or you end up feeling very sorry for yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And I feel like you put pressure on yourself even for your day of birth. It's like, oh, I have to do something now on that day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I don't mind the day. I like having, I like, don't get me wrong. I'm not, I don't like completely ignore my birthday, but I wouldn't be a big party person. I also don't like the pressure of inviting people because I don't go to a lot of stuff myself. Like I'm an absolute flake.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
See, I couldn't give a shit if no one comes because I know that I'll be there. So once I'm there. At your own party. And a couple of friends, I'm fine. Yeah. But I over invite. So then I know that like I'll get a half a decent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like a flight.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
You overbook. Yeah, that's exactly what I do. Yeah. And sometimes there's some people pissed off because they have to wait. Yeah. And they don't know if they're going to wait till next year. Yeah. That's exactly. The party, but the party plane as well. Top, top, top. There's not even room in business. Sorry, you're gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Remove your luggage, please. Yeah. But anyway, this year I did something very unusual for me. I had a family birthday party. It wasn't fun. I had a family dinner. Even my mother was like, Joanne, this is... You've never done this in your life. You've never invited the family to anything. Where did you invite them? Who did you invite? Your brother and your mum? So I went out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I took myself out to Paris Court Hotel in Wicklow, which is gorgeous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Stunning. The gym there is amazing. Gym's amazing. The buffet breakfast is the best I've ever had. Buffet breakfast is stunning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I haven't had that in years though. It's gore. It's very bougie. But do you know what the great thing about it? So I had a family dinner. All my family were just in shock that it was happening. And they were like, this is... Highly irregular, Joanne. My brother was like, you want me and mum to come out and have dinner with you for your birthday? I was like, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
He's like, have you had a lobotomy or something? I was like, I don't know what's wrong. It may be because I'm aging or something. I don't know. I'm nesting. I don't know what it is. No, I think that you're very family oriented. Anyway, so I would never really do anything for the birthday. We had a gorgeous dinner in Periscope for the birthday.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
But the great thing about being in Periscope Hotel is for anyone looking for a booty night away is because it's near Ardmore Studios and Ardmore Studios is doing wild business at the moment. Jamie Foxx and stuff is out there. I didn't see Jamie Foxx but apparently they're filming this. This shows you how I don't know what making TV in America is like but they fly Jamie Foxx over
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And to bite them off full and be able to regurgitate them whole to the point where this woman can sell them as human toes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
to stay in PowerSquad for a month. He makes a quiz show in Ardmore, a game show. They fly in the audience from the States and everything. Well, because it's way cheaper.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah. But how much cheaper must it be? Because I remember that show that I did, The Big Deal. Yeah. And we shot that in the three arena. And basically it was cheaper for them to record an entire series in Ireland. It's crazy. Than it was to record the pilot in America. It's massive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
mad. Yeah. Most people are so heavily unionised in the States. I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Crazy. Anyway so it's got this real vibe of you don't know who you're going to see because all the actors and stuff from Ardmore and they've just finished making this big American film in there as well that's your man Leo Woodhall's girlfriend's in it. Megan Fahey your one from White Louders she's made some big film out there. Do you know who I did see? Now I didn't see Jamie Foxx.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I was keeping an eye but he wasn't there. Who? Robert Lowe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
The American fella? Yeah. Rob Lowe. Rob Lowe. I just don't know. Ah, Rob.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
How insane is she? I'd be very concerned about her mental health because taking toes home and trying to sell the toes...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Rob Lowe. L-O-W-E. Yeah, he's all right. He was trying to keep a low profile, but I saw him. Did you get... Roberto, I said, I know that's you, buddy. Did you start screaming across the hallway? Be like, Rob! He was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, but I spotted him. So that was a bit of a buzz.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Well, you were staying in the Shelbourne the night of your birthday when you went home and you stayed in the Shelbourne with your friend. And I thought I'd be really nice because I didn't know what to get Joanne for her birthday. So I sent you a bottle of champagne. But I rang them and I was like, hi, my friend Joanne is.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And there's a big, there's a whole thing about getting you the champagne because they need your email. They have to send you something. I have to fill out a form. So it's not just like put a bottle of champagne on the roof. Yeah. And I was like, would you mind putting a card in for me as well? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, can you say, hey, Joanne, happy birthday, you mad bitch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And he was like, I'm really sorry, but I can't write that on the card. I was like, oh. And then I felt really embarrassed to myself. I was like, um... Hi, Joanne. Happy birthday, my bish. Can you say bish? Yeah. So did he say that he wouldn't say it to you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
He wouldn't put bish on. That's so funny. I know, they're so fancy. Because when I read the card, because I didn't realise for ages that that champagne was from you, I just thought the Shelburne bring really sound.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
because as much as I talk about oh I don't want to make a big deal on my birthday there gets a stage when you're checking into hotels hotels are like you want to tell them it's your birthday because then they leave you little macaroons and all sorry do you remember my birthday when I went to that place in what's it called in Italy that really nice place Maldalfi Coast and they set up this whole like trellis of a because it was your birthday yeah of a love heart and Spenny had gone running and I had to sit and have breakfast on my own in this love heart trellis with all these rose petals everywhere I don't care
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
like one it's one thing keeping the toes for your own personal like collection I know to look at your little freak shelf yeah this is so weird but then going to sell the toes the selling's a bit much for me later during a phone call with her daughter Kinman discussed how she planned to sell the toes online and said research suggested she could get as much as $400
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, the hotels where you want to say it's your birthday, honeymoon, anniversary and your parents have dead. Sorry, it's your birthday, anniversary, honeymoon. You want all the sympathy from your one at the desk because then they fill your room with fun things like petals and macaroons and fizzy drinks. And I thought because I threw the birthday in at the desk when I checked into Shelburne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
So I thought the champagne was from the Shelburne. But it was fun vogue. They should have thrown you another bottle there in fairness. They did. There was a bottle of something else in the room. Stop it, dude.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
you made light work come here to me I want to tell you about a famous person I met this week and I've always loved her from afar Emma Willis the hot one married to your man from the band really hot one that looks like a wolf a gorgeous wolf yeah sexy wolf so I met her and I was there's a lot of Emmas in the biz isn't there a lot of Emmas Emma Bunton who else I was thinking well I was thinking of your one Emma who won the Oscar in the States
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Emma Thompson? No. The other one.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
God, there's loads of them. I think if you're in entertainment... Emma Stone? Emma Stone. Oh, I love Emma Stone. There's Emma Watson, of course. Who's Emma Watson?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I passed Emma Wilson. Harry Potter. And I was like, she's... I know. She's a very handsome woman. I got a bit of a fright.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
You know, when someone's so hot, you're like, oh, Jesus. Like, because I knew she was good looking from seeing her, but then when you see her in real life and she's that good looking in real life as well, it's like, oh my God. And he's looking well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
He looks great. I was hoping she'd be a complete RSL but she was so sound. Yeah, you can tell she's sound. Really sound. You can just tell when people are sound. I don't know. I think when someone's that good looking there is the potential that they won't be sound. She seems low... Maintenance. Maintenance. Very low maintenance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, and that's when a woman is low maintenance like that you can tell she's sound. And kind to work with on TV because you know sometimes you would work with people and they're kind of like the star of the show and that's just kind of it. She wasn't like that at all and very inviting into...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
yeah because there's a lot of dickheads in show business let's be real yeah I've been kind of lucky with the dickheads apart from you two I've been alright yeah we've kind of we've upped the ante haven't we
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
you'll be glad to hear I'm going to stop going on about this, but my book is out. It's out on the 22nd, which is Tuesday. Is it Tuesday, Jo? Thursday, mate. Okay, well, there you go. It's out on Thursday. So you might hear about this again on the bonus, but it's out, it's out, it's out, it's done. Congratulations.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I had two space jeans on the plane coming back from Dublin and I was crying after the first one. Why? I could not, I think, I think because I spent time with my family I don't know what's happening. I think as I spend time with my family and when I've... I'm now obsessed with the impending death of my mother.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh, stop. No, you have to stop. It's all I can think about. I'll give you a book. I'll give you a book. Right? To distract me? No, a book. A book to help you come to terms with death. Is it your book? Is this your book and your book? Hi, everybody. My book's out today. Is it today? No, it's out in the 22nd. Oh, fab. Now, these copies aren't for you because I refuse to give you a free copy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Police subsequently arrived at her Lilydale home after a tip-off from an unknown source. She made full admissions to possessing the remains and intending to sell them online. She showed the police where the jar with the dogs was located, beside other oddities, including an alligator claw, a bird skull, a guinea pig trotter and her children's teeth.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
She told me yesterday she was going to bring me in a copy of the book and now she's giving that to someone else.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Well, I actually, because I'm interviewing Ivo Graham later, so he's getting it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh yeah, fair enough. Yeah, he's a good person to give the book to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
His book is on the same day as mine, so we'll see if he posts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I will judge him for it. Of course.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
because when I spend time with my mother and then I remember him which I love her and then I remember that she's getting old and then that was it and I was bawling crying and I was laughing because like I don't mind crying in a plane I've no shame now I do I do keep my face to the window but like there was a grown man everyone can see no I was at I was at the very I just stand up and cry in the aisles for maximum attention two arms like this at the window no it doesn't matter
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
but I was laughing because I was trying to keep a low profile on the crime but there was a grown man beside me and it was such it was such a male response like if it was a woman and I was glad because I genuinely was mortified because I just couldn't stop do you know you just can't stop oh god oh no I'd asked to move I just couldn't stop and there was a seat between us was empty and then he was on the aisle and like he just looked and you could see he was just like I'm fucking not getting involved and I was like good for you man
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
don't get involved because you don't want to know because I will tell you don't get involved but if there was a woman crying beside me I'd probably get I'd probably try and breastfeed her I'd do something to soothe her I'd do I'd ask her if she was okay are you okay and then I'd go I would and then if she told me she was crying about the impending death of her mother I would get involved and then start crying and telling her about the impending death of my mother
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Now, I don't think that you should say this to your mom. I know you probably already have, but like... Oh, it's what I talk about. I know, but you're going to frighten her. That's not fair. She's like, I raised someone stronger than this. I was like, no, you didn't. This is what you raised.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
this blubbering gin drinking mess on a plane how is she not scared because I asked my mum once and my mum said don't say that to me I'm not I wouldn't like to talk about that and I'm like oh god she's scared too well Pat's probably scared but I'm so I've just really taken a charge on the whole thing you're just taking all the attention away I'm making her death about me anyway she's got loads of time left loads of time left
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'd love to hear people's nostalgic things from school. If you want to send in any nostalgic things you know. Do you remember getting a tray of milk? I never liked the strawberry milk though. I didn't like milk to be honest back then.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
and remember bringing in there'd always be yogurts burst in school bags and do you remember the smell of do you remember the smell of wet school books yeah do you remember the smell you'd be walking home in the pissing rain because obviously I was a Victorian child and or you'd spill your ribena in your bag or something and the books and then I'd leave the books and they'd go mouldy these big maths books disgusting smell of it do you remember some people used to wrap their books with wallpaper yeah I had a bubble bubble wallpaper yeah it's all 80s
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
She should have just kept... She should have just... She collects weird stuff, obviously. She was obviously going, I can make a couple of quid off this. So my pray, I'm praying that Winnie eats your knickers before you die and I'll sell them online.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
very interesting so if you have anything you'd like to add please email us in at mtgm that is so funny ghosted what is it you used to know it yeah go on then hello at mtgmpod.com well there she goes she's blowing me out of the water
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
absolutely revolting or Bertie which one's the other one Bertie would eat the knickers do you remember that story I told it before but it still makes me laugh when I was dogs will eat your knickers all knickers dogs will eat the knickers and sometimes they'll just eat the crotch of the knickers well that was the story yeah it's grim they're grim oh god better than eating my toes I was in bed with all the knickers you wanted I was in bed with the man
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh, no. I was in bed with my boyfriend at the time. We were having an afternoon ride, as is our right. God, how glamorous are you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I know, yeah. I was wearing a thong and when I looked down the side of the bed after his dog had eaten the crotch out of the knickers, there was just a bit of string there. Oh, my gosh. I know. That's horrendous. I know. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Guys, how do I change my algorithm? Like, I'm at a point now where if people open my phone when I'm not looking, it's really strange.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
You have to go in and click not interested on all the stories.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Okay, because there's just a lot of just gross stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I had a similar situation where I feel nauseous when I look at patterns, like holes really close together. Trypophobia or something, Jo? Can you fact check my... Oh, people don't like when they see holes, like loads of holes. Makes me get sick. It is a bit gross. Kendall Jenner has it as well, so I'm in good company. Apparently, it's something to do with kind of your cave hun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Trypophobia. Your cave hun. It's to keep you away from poisonous plants. So the...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
like anything patterned like that close together makes me actually feel physically sick I used to have nightmares about potato sprouting or that I'd be having oh that's a bit grim or there was a friend of mine Orla has it as well she used to have nightmares about kidney beans coming out her skin so can you eat kidney beans yeah yeah yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I just can't look at holes close together those sea urchins and stuff anything like that but then it's I do exposure therapy where I look at it for ages and the nausea kind of passes Joanne's doing exposure therapy on herself yeah so I can be in a room with a potato basically do you know and you need to be like holy potato anything like that blech
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
If anyone doesn't know, there's a trial going on in Australia at the moment. A woman is accused of murdering some of her family members. By poisoning them? By poisoning them with mushrooms that she picked. Erin Patterson. Erin Patterson. God, that's desperate. What a desperate thing to do to someone. We don't know if she did or not. Allegedly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
one thing that I actually can't stand that I realised when we were doing and I didn't know how much I hated it chalk I can't touch it I don't like looking at people touching it or I don't like drawing with it I don't like chalk yeah were you given the job of going down and banging the dusters
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I can't remember banging the dusters. Everyone was dying for that job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
That's how old I am. Like a Victorian child.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh my God, you're so hip. What age are you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Really, when did chalkboards go out though? I don't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
only just before I got to school I'm turned 42 you're now you're looking down the barrel of 40 now all the kids are using iPads and all in our day it was just string it was just string Joe and a slap around the ear do you remember when do you remember ECDL when the computer studies came in and we got to go to computer no you don't remember that oh my god I loved that well I'm a couple of years out of the new we were just like we were kind of just wheeled in huge these huge televisions
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh, I love it. And forced to watch Forrest Gump for religion. Sorry, do you remember? What education that gave us, I have no idea.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I think that's a good education. Forrest Gump is a lovely movie. Because the teacher was on a fucking jolly. I remember, do you remember when you can get those watches that had TV switches, remotes on them? And we used to, when you'd have the TV roll in, I remember that. And if we'd all turn it off. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
there's the Casio calculator watches yeah and another thing I have to oh my god I have to this is I've gone straight down nostalgia lane this is so nostalgic I love this I've gone straight down nostalgia lane what did you have for lunch in Skill oh great question well our canteen was desperate and I feel bad saying that because one of my Megan my friend knows the canteen lady is still there sorry you did canteen I didn't realise you were raised in the UK sorry when I say canteen it was a buttered roll or a plain roll oh you had to shop and then you put your crisps in the buttered roll oh
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah. When we got to the older girls had like a kitchen room, but just had a microwave in it and a kettle. But that was the 60 years got that. So they were allowed to have pot noodles and all. It was very chic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Oh, and 60 years going through a phase of only eating half a bag of Special K. So that's all I had. Of course, the Special K diet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I mean, who didn't benefit from that nutritious diet?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
life lesson handy for special case two bowls of no nutrition cardboard with skinny milk and then you were allowed to have a cheese slice for dinner but if you look at so you know the way you'd have like coca pops or something at the weekend because they'd be like a really big in fairness I have to be honest I was like I'd have coca pops whenever I wanted but like this morning Sandra was a hands off mum we know that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
allegedly okay fine but there's another I'm going to make you a beef Wellington when you come over I don't eat mushrooms Do you not eat mushrooms? I do, yeah. God, I love an old mushroom. I do, yeah. Oh yeah, one of the jurors was sent off. He was sacked for talking about the trial with his family and friends. But I was like, I wouldn't last a day on a jury.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
She really was. I said to Sven today, Tim was like, was I a big baby? And Sven was like, yeah, nine pounds. And I was like, wow, I can't believe you remember that. And he was like, what do you mean? He's my son. I was like, I asked my mom what I weighed and she said, are you joking me? She wouldn't know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
She wouldn't know what I weighed or I wanted to do the thing where you got your stars done from when you were born. And I asked her what time I was born and she said,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
are you off your cotton picking tree yeah I was like oh sorry mom you might remember something about my gorgeous birth I do think there's two there's different types of parents though there's the ones that have their star charts and their child's like they know all their details your aunt does she was fucking adopted she didn't even bother her whole giving birth I actually forgot about that yeah Pat's like I'll collect her when she's 18 months old
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah. That'd be great. Isn't it? I mean that's very much what my mothering style would be and very much what Pat's was. That wasn't Pat's. I'd say Pat was a full on mom. Ah yeah. Once we arrived she was very hands on. Sorry back to the back to where this all began. School.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
banging the chalk dusters so you'd be sent out this was a blackboard Joe it was before computers I have seen them in sort of olden times pictures olden times pictures yeah it's been bad for us to be banging those things though it was like being covered in what's that stuff that they are always suing for when it gets released asbestos asbestos
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'm sure there's a legal case to take against Loretta Dawkey primary school for sending me out on the regular covered in that chalky shit asbestos you went to Loretta Dawkey primary school as well yeah but that was public or is that private over here very confusing it's all strange over here it was like it wasn't fee paying it wasn't fee paying no the primary wasn't and then we had boys up to first class and then they got rid of them only up to first class yeah and they were sent down to Harold's I like that the kids are in a mixed school
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, I think so too because we turned it like... No, no, no. Actually, no, sorry. I forgot. I don't agree.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I forgot my opinion on that. Oh, well, I'm talking about primary school. Oh, yeah, primary. But the studies show that girls do better in all... Girls schools because they're not as concerned with the way they look. Yeah. And trying to play dumb in front of boys, whereas boys perform well in both because they don't give a shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
It's cool for a boy to be smart, whereas girls tend to dumb themselves down. Not always. But I was glad that I had no distractions because I was so boy mad. Like I'd walk into a lamppost if one passed me in the street. So there was no hope for me if I was sitting across from a glass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, I don't think I was that interested in them until I was slightly older, probably because they weren't very interested in me. Oh, it didn't matter. None of them were interested in me. It didn't matter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
that didn't matter I was the one that they'd go up and ask if they could shift my friend do you know what I mean they'd be coming towards me and I'd be like here we go oh no yeah flicking my nipples getting all edgy and then they'd be like did you ever get dumped did you ever get dumped by someone when they're like 20 metres away and they're looking at you and their friend came over to dump you and you'd be like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'd be coming here telling the story on the podcast. I couldn't keep it to myself at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
could you not have taken the 12 steps trying and you're trying not to look at them being like yeah fine yeah you're like I was literally just about to do it myself that's fine I'm glad you did it first I was literally about to do it I remember breaking up with one of my I had more men as a child which doesn't sound right at all I had more partners before I was 12 years of age
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Than I've ever had since. I had a boyfriend every second week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
When did you first start noticing boys?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
There is probably a reason we've never been asked to be on a jury. We have got big mates.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Really? Yeah. Because T for the first time, we were at this party the other day in the park and his class was there, but then the older sister was there. And all of a sudden, because I didn't recognize her because obviously I only know the kids in his class. And so this little girl, gorgeous little girl, really long hair. T is like literally her shadow for the whole time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
following around the park. And I'm like, who's this girl? Is she part of the party? And then I met the mom. She goes, oh, yeah, that's that's the older sister. And she goes to me the other day. He was like, can I have a play date? And I was like, I know exactly where this is going. And he was like, can I have a play date with blah from the party?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And I was like, well, no, we're trying to have play dates with people from the class at the moment.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Yeah, those blabbermouths. But there's another story coming out of Australia. Let me get this now. Woman who plans to sell human toes regurgitated by dogs, avoids gel, it'll melt.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
It will be anyone older. I'm very popular with the younger men. Anyone older. I saw him waving at this girl. She must have been 11 today. I was like, who's that? Who is that? What age is he now? Six. Oh my God. Oh, he's very taken with the older ones now. Yeah. He feels really cool when he's like hanging out with another person.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I remember that as well. Like, because you don't, well, I suppose he does. He's in a mixed school. But when I was younger, you don't have access to that many members of the opposite sex if you're a straight baby. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
and if you're a gay baby you're fucking flying if you're in a period of single sex girl but it's a straight baby you're kind of stuck for choices so like you know you have crushes on your cousins and all because they're like they're the only ones you've access to I had a massive crush on Pat Kenny which I've spoken about here Pat Kenny I've spoken about on this podcast several times folks several times
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Because he presented the Late Late Show in Ireland. And to me, that was a powerful position. So I'd sit there drooling at this man. I could have been nine years of age.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
My auntie's really good. Sharon's really good friends with him. Oh, sure, I've met him. I did his radio show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
You're the captain of the Titanic. I'm first on the lifeboat. Sorry, I am.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'd say you'd have to prove yourself with those hands.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I'm... Man or woman. Whatever I am. No, no, no. You're supposed to be up putting women on the boats. No, no. I'm going before anyone. I'll know. I'll know what's happening to the boat. I'll be off on my own. I have fallen head over heels in love with someone. I offered him up to you. You declined. Oh, I know. Who?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
no not Pierce Brosnan have you seen his Irish accent in that show I can't how can an Irish man fuck up an Irish accent oh no it's like it's way too long it's not good he's taking too much soup they say you're taking the soup yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
woman who plans to sell human dogs sorry human toes sorry woman who plans to sell human toes regurgitated by dogs avoids jail in Melbourne court sentencing Joanna Kathleen Kinman 48 was working at an animal shelter when she found body parts of dog's owner who had died of natural causes so someone died of natural causes Jesus Christ and his dogs chewed his fucking toes off swallowed them then were put into a shelter and regurgitated them
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
during the famine and all it was like if you were fed by the English you were kind of letting yourself down I think that's it also they say if you come to the UK you have to lose the Mac in your name like so I should just be Joanne Nally now oh wow because the Mac is the Irish bit don't quote me on any of this if we've been making this podcast for four years have you taken the soup oh we've taken the soup let me tell you what I would take the soup and the mains anyway my crush sorry
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
Kevin Costner. I've started watching Yellowstone. Oh, yeah. Do you watch Yellowstone? No. You, Kevin Costner in the gilet. He's got the popped collar. I love a gilet. I love a man in a gilet. Well, the cowboy hat. Spencer's like, shut up. The other night I was like, honestly, do you think if... Just one question. And he's like, if you're going to ask me about Kevin Costner again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
And I'm like, I am. Do you think Kevin Costner would fancy me? And he was like, yeah. And it made me so happy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane
I think it definitely was. I think... I think I could get him yeah I'd say that man's got game I and he's if he's 77 no sorry that was how old is how old is Kevin Costner he was topless in the show the other night and I was like whoa 70 70 he's only a spring chicken he's 70 and you're kind of 40 now you're you'd be like young on to him yeah yeah tell me about your birthday please oh my birthday
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I get enough of you in my ears, to be honest. I think I'll have to read this one with my eyes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think what I'm trying to say is this week I've been very touched by Chelsea Handler in my cell. And I've no mentor at the moment. And if I could choose a kind of comedy... LAUGHTER
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That's only the bit that you saw. I'm trying to make an effort to keep my spaces kind of tidy for this tour instead of living in fucking chaos. Basically, I think if I could choose any mentor in the world, I thought it used to be Tina Fey, but I've, well, firstly, I haven't heard from her, so I'm guessing that's not on the cards, but I wanted to be Chelsea Handler.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
If you could choose a mentor, who would you choose? If you could choose someone that you'd access to them and they could advise you and guide you, who would you choose? A realistic person? No, anyone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I bet you were going to say because you have bacterial vaginosis. And I was like, oh, OK, good. I'm glad. I think we should talk more about women's health. So that's a good segue into you having bacterial vaginosis. There's no shame in having it. It is what it is. I caught it off, Joanne. If I did get it, I'd raise awareness.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Oh yeah, that's a great one. She's a good one, isn't she? I love that we know she's not realistic. She wouldn't piss on us if we were on fire. And she's right. She's dead right. She's dead right from us. We're trash. Touch us, Sharon. Yeah, we're trash. We are Irish trash and she's Irish royalty. Yeah. She wouldn't be seeing Dad. Imagine she turned up to mentor us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
She'd be in a wig with a big fake nose. She'd be like, you didn't get any of this information from me. If you fucking tag me or tell anyone, I'm even interacting with you two dirt birds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Even if she were to piss on us if we went far, we'd dine out in that for years. I wouldn't care. I wouldn't shower.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
There's a bit in my face, Sharon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
A bit of that organ DNA in my face. Love it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Men hate me. It's over for me. It's over. It's done. I've given up. It's done. They hate me. I hate them. Actually don't. I love them, but I, no, I just, I seem to be hardening.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Are you? That's, no, that's, that's, that's almost as insane a take as us thinking that Sharon Horton's going to mentor us. That's,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, they take the piss. I am hardcore. I'm hardcore. Or like, I think I'm hard to infiltrate. But then once I'm infiltrated, I am goo. I am maula in a man's hand. It's actually embarrassing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
How can I pleasure, please, and serve you today? You're like the little jester. Hello. Some little bald lad who thinks Link's Apollo is an aftershave.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That's fine. Your semen can remain on me for the day. I just love it. I love the way it cracks into my skin. Is that gross? Can we cut that? No, it's funny. I would like Chelsea Hanna to be my mentor. You would like Sharon Horgan to be theirs. Let's put it out into the universe, even though I don't believe in the universe at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I don't believe in manifesting any of that shit, but I'll give it a go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You don't know his name either, but you're saying you want him to mentor you. Scott, Andrew Scott. Oh, okay. Well, you've ruined that now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You're like, I can't remember your name, but I'm a huge fan. Do you know what's, I had a request from, do you ever get these requests from universities where they ask you if you'll come in and they can give you a honorary doctorate or award or something like this? But I had one from an Irish university that came in. I won't say who it was because whatever. But my agent sent it on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
He was like, my agent, which shows he doesn't read emails either, was like, oh, this is great. Look at this. This is deadly. Look at this, an honorary blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, okay. And I read it. It was like, firstly, it was Dear Joanna. And then it said, basically it said to say it had been copy and paste. This had obviously been rejected by about 16 people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
It was like, we love your contribution to acting, which I never acted in my life. And then it said also your online, your contribution to the online, your contribution to the internet or something like this. Like no mention of comedy or anything. And then at the end it said. Maybe they didn't like your contribution to comedy. They were like, we'll ignore that part.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
But we'll bring you in for that cameo you had in that Sharon Horgan show, Women on the Verge. It wasn't even a cameo because the cameo suggests you have a profile and they'll wheel you in. I just fucking got a tiny part. And then at the end it said, we hope he is open to our offer. He.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, so I don't know how many people turned it down, but I was like, I think I'll have to pass on this. I would like to be a doctor, but.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Hello, welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me. It's myself, Joanne McNally, as usual, and it is... Unfortunately, me again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Listen, we've made it very clear that we have no understanding of our own bodies or any sort of understanding about female health issues. And so no one's coming to us for that. I think that's fair to say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Not that sloppy. I know, you get an email and they're like, we really hope Joanne can take part in this. And we're like, can't wait to hear from you, Angela Scanlon. You're like, oh, okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'll answer to something. Dirty Joanna.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I mean, it's a bit late now, considering I was completely snubbed by your collage of the women who mean the most of you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Okay, are we sniffing glue now? Go on, what's the crack?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Finally, something we can do together. Great, hit me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Just once you don't set up a stall in Battersea Park selling your own brooches, that's when I will ring your mum. I'll do a wellness check. Just don't set up an Etsy account. Don't lose the run of yourself. Stick to the hats.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I do. It will not fall apart because it's glued together. So I can prove it to show to Sandra you are having a breakdown. I'll be like, see? Sandra, I told you. Sandra, you need to step in. It's really gone wrong for her. Can I direct you to the crocheted cushion, please? She's not well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Probably for the worse. I'd be gluing everything to everything. Anything like that. I just like the power of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, I don't know what the ethics on taxidermy are because we stuff people. So like, why not animals if they're already dead? Do you know what I mean? Like if they're dead, they're dead. Maybe they, maybe, I don't know. But see, because of your privilege and skin color, it's going to look like you shot it yourself. That's my only concern. That's my concern.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
When you're giving people a house tour, they're like, she shot that thing. It's going to look like you went into the zoo in Battersea Park, shot a giraffe for crack to entertain yourself and your kids, drag the thing home. And didn't even bother with the car, the body, because you were like, I couldn't be arsed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, I hope when I die, you use my bust. And by bust, I mean just my tits. Oh, God, yeah. I'm not going to get rid of them. No, just keep the tits. Yeah, they're like, Jerome McNally's bust. And it's literally just my boobs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, I saw that and I said, this has a bang of immaculate conception to me. Mary, she got stung and Joseph was going mad. She's like, oh, you know that story, the kind of the real story that probably happened where it's like, oh, look, it is yours. It's just, it's also kind of God's whatever. This woman, I would say, has been maybe riding around vaginally.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And I want the nipple stuff so they're always kind of erect, so people remember me as being kind of a sexy person.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Sorry, but I am so healthy. Oh, I'll live forever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah. What will happen is because you're the healthier person, it'll be something ironic will happen and you'll die first. That would just be so unfair. You'll die first. I will live a long, long, long, long life and I will end up befriending Sharon Horgan and you'll be rolling in your grave.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
We'll fight to the death. Did I tell you it was Pat's birthday? No. Happy birthday, Pat. It was Pat's birthday. And she spent the whole day thinking she was 77. And at the end of the day, she realized she was 76.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
What am I? Anyway, yeah, it turns out she's a year younger than she thought she was, which is obviously great news to me because obviously my biggest fear in life is that she's going to die at some stage. So it's nice to know I have an extra year with her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You're on the way to my side, baby. It's happening. Can't wait to have you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You know what they say? They say your 20s and 30s are for learning, making a bit of money, figuring yourself out. And then your 40s, you just get to enjoy all the groundwork you've done. You just get to chill. You're an adult. There's no disputing adulthood at 40. I still wake up in my own house. I'm like waiting for my mom to come home. Like I've got to freak out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I still remind myself, well, no, this is your house.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Her husband doesn't know that maybe he's a big anal man. He's like, well, it can only have happened if it's anal. That was my take on it. Unless she has no walls inside her or unless the sperm has a little hammerhead or something. I don't know. I've never heard the likes of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And then you ruined everything for yourself by doing those things.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You didn't know how fucking good you had it. Now look at you. Kids swinging off your tits, raising a husband.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Whereas if I have any noise, I'm like, oh my God, I've got sensory issues. I've got sensory issues. Parker Posey, who's one of the leads in the White Lotus Series 3, which, by the way, I am loving, even though it's slower and darker than season one and season two. Totally agree.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Her mother said, a woman has to reinvent herself in her 40s. And I thought, that is actually very observant. You do. You don't have to, but you kind of naturally tend to. And Parker Posey is now having a massive moment. She's 56. And one of the best lines, there was an interview with her in Style Mag,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And one of the best lines from The White Lotus is that her character is called Victoria Ratcliffe. And one of her opening lines in The White Lotus is, someone stole my lorazepam. I'm going to have to drink myself to sleep. What a woman. We love to see it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
She's got a real 70s vibe. She's got those amazing teeth. And you know what I love about her as well is there's so much kind of cosmetic surgery going on and veneers and all that shit. And I'm sure, I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'm sure she doesn't mind the commentary on, but she's just so, she just looks deadly. She looks like anyone else. She's got her own look and feel.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And I love that because I think we can all get a bit, and I say, I put myself in this bracket as well. You can get sucked into this. There's a look and we all kind of look the same.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And do you know what? You've actually nailed it. When we all get the work done and we all end up kind of looking the same, it's boring sometimes. Whereas when you get actresses or actors that come through and they look different, they have a different look and you're like, it just adds so much to it. I just love it. She's also in Toxic Town, which is a great show that I watched on Netflix as well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I haven't seen Toxic Town. Parker Posey is 56 and she is having a moment. And she was gone. She was just doing indie films for like $70 a day and no one would cast her and kind of mainstream stuff because they said she was too indie. And now look at her, 56 and she's banging. She's back. She's having a ball. Absolutely netty. It's really good, that series. I'm enjoying it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And it's this weird slow. You're like, what's happening? It's this building weird tension. And I forgot the first episode, there's a big shoot up I keep forgetting that we have to figure out who's shooting it up. And anyway, yeah, it's all it's a bit of a whodunit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Jennifer Coolidge was in the first and the second series.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
They're planting. It's all this. And then Greg, who went out with Jennifer Coolidge's character in season two, is now in season three. But we know he had her killed. So it's like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
If I won the lotto, I would try and buy my way into being cast in white lottos. You know, they live in those hotels for months and months and months and months and months. Which sounds like hell.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Totally. Parker Posey did say, the director said to her, welcome to the golden cage because you can't go home, you're stuck. And it sounds like a dream, like, oh, you're in the four seasons for seven months. But you know yourself, anything that you can't leave becomes hellish, really. But as hells go, I'd choose the Four Seasons in Thailand if I had to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, no, I think she planted a bit more layers on it than that. No, she really did. There was an angel involved. But anyway, look, I'm not here to... Lecture about Christianity.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I know, you're like, oh, another fresh fruit platter. Oh no, this is hell. Send me to Guantanamo Bay just to spice it up. I just need to change a scene. Bring me to a travel lodge. I'm too spoiled. I just want to be with the real people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I'm thinking I might take acting class.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I think I'd more like a weekend. You just want to do an acting weekend? I'd just like to do a 48-hour acting course and then get cast in White Lotus. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so. It sounds reasonable to me, to be honest. Yeah. Or, if Sharon Horgan's listening, I'll do a week of acting classes if you put me in Bad Sisters Series 3.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Maybe there's a world where Sharon was like, I might reach out to those two artists and then she hears this and she's like, wow.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, there's no going back now. It was an angel. It was like a whole thing. It was like wings and like lights and all. There was a donkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That did happen. Anyway, again, no one's coming to us for...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I took out a restraining order against you two. That's what I did. Lessons have been learnt. Let that be a lesson to you. Next year, I want a little statue in your garden of me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I just I know it makes it sound like when you spend some time on the Internet, it sounds like every cruise about 60 people get thrown off board or fall off board or get murdered off board. But I'd say it's actually quite far between.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Because she's paranoid and insane. Like, listen, I get it. Please watch this. But like, women are vulnerable. There isn't that level of security in the joy, which is our prison in Ireland. Like, that's ridiculous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
expertism on religion because obviously we're both going to hell but what I would say is this is actually good for women who aren't into anal sex yeah because lads would be like oh yeah I can't get pregnant and they're like well actually I can yeah so back off yeah this is good maybe that's it maybe she's maybe she's pulling maybe she's telling porkies just to give us all a break yeah and I think as well I'm going to say no handjobs don't no handjobs anymore you can get pregnant from a handjob
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I have to say, look, I get it. We all need to be a little bit careful. But if I have to up my security game to that extent, I just not go on the cruise. I mean. Also, do you know my mother would, this is real, my mother would be like, Jesus, she's great notions about herself. That's what my mother would say. Sure, who's one to rob you anyway? Yeah. you have great ideas about yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Did you think someone would want to break into your room? That'd be something my mother would say. Maybe she'd be like, you have notions about yourself. This is a notions 11 situation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Even if I was on a cruise, if I was on a prison boat, and this is more about me because I'm so lazy, and I was somehow involved in taking them to some prison on, what's that prison on the rock? Alcatraz. I wouldn't engage in that level of security. Now that's just me. I'm lazy and I've probably got something awful coming to me in my future, but...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Sure, I'm still drinking out of hotel kettles, even though I'm still getting about three stories a week from people saying about what goes on in those kettles. I'm just like, oh, fuck it. Whatever. I'm not going downstairs. Do you know what I mean? I just move the human feces aside and boil it. I'm just like, whatever. Oh, my God. Pull out the knickers from someone else. I'm like, Grant.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You can overthink things, you know. You can overthink things. That's what my friend Chelsea Anders has, my mentor, so I agree with her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That really sounded like you were saying you're going to eat it. Is that what you're trying to build up? Are you trying to build up your gut health or something? What's that about? Is it you throwing it on the ground and then picking it up again?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I have no idea why I know this, but apparently chewing gum is absolutely fine to swallow. I was reading about it for some reason recently. Oh, do you know what it was? I read about one of those trad wives. She's been making chewing gum from scratch. And I was like, oh my God, if I was making chewing gum from scratch for my kids, I'd want them to just swallow it forever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Like I wouldn't want to spend all that time cooking something. Yeah. And I was like, can you swallow chewing gum? Anyway, off I went down a chewing gum hell. It's absolutely grand.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
We always do a political section.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I don't buy that anymore. It doesn't suit me. The sizes are all off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Oh, sorry. I thought you meant H&M.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
In particular, thank you to Chelsea and Sharon. Yeah, for making up the vast majority of our episode. I'm assuming by the time this airs, by the time we record our next pod, I will be in the warm bosom of Chelsea and you'll be in the warm bosom of Sharon.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, if it's an enthusiastic sperm, it could fly right up. You wouldn't know where to go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
If anyone's interested in attending Vogue's book tour or my stand-up tour, all the tickets are available wherever you get your tickets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You should really get me to do that, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
It's since the vaccine. Say that, since the vaccine, sperm has wings now. So we just don't know where it's going to end up. So it's just best if we just, yeah. What really turns me on is if you wank yourself off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
While I'm watching Love is Blind. That really gets me off. That's what I love. We're so anti-sex, folks. We need to change our tune.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
We have to move on. Folks, tell me about your week. Tell me about your week.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Vogue Williams. Sorry, Joanne McNally. Sorry, no. Vogue Williams. I have a question for both of us. What? If we're both in London, why are we not together?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Exactly. When I go to AA, which will inevitably happen in the next six to 12 years, I would say I'm going to have to choose God. I have to resign to a higher power. It's not going to work. So I can't be critical because I'm going to need him at some stage or them or he or she. Six to 12 years.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Well, I was going to say six to 12 months and then panicked that I would publicly say that. Then I kind of backtracked and said, oh, years, years. Yeah, give yourself a moment. Oh, my God. And to be fair, I actually jest. I shouldn't be always joking about going to AA because it's actually a very serious thing to do. No, I've no idea if that'll happen or not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I actually really enjoy myself at the moment. Do you know sometimes you have those moments in your life where you're like, oh, my God, everything's out of control. I've lost control of everything. And then you kind of get the wheels back on. I'm actually in a very good, healthy space at the moment, I would say.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Do you know what the best way of thinking about things is? I'm reading Chelsea Handler's new book at the moment with my ears. I needed to hear her voice because I find her... reassuring, fascinating, terrifying, wildly intelligent. I would maybe see myself as her in 10 years time, except I can't ski. That's something I am trying to fix. I'm going to learn how to ski.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
She's big into snowboarding, big into skiing, but she's done a lot of work on herself. And she talks about how kind of not letting your feelings take over and that they're just feelings and they pass through you and to sit with them and all this stuff. And also she talks about drinking and drugs and all that stuff and how she has had times in her life where she's gone too far.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And then she said times in her life where she kind of pulls back. And she had two things actually I wanted to tell you about. She had a great story about, and I'm not going to, this isn't a spoiler in the book or anything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
But she'd already started her journey as it were before this happened. But basically she says she got an email from Jane Fonda. Oh, I know. Yeah. Did you hear the story?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
We like to... Yeah, we rat people out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
She got an email or a text or a phone call. I can't remember from Jane Fonda. However, Jane Fonda chooses to communicate. God only knows. She probably sent some sort of gold pigeon or something. It's Jane Fonda for God's sake. And she said, Chelsea, can you come to my house for dinner, please? Chelsea was like, well, obviously it's Jane Fonda, of course.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And she says they were kind of friends and they'd known each other a very long time and they always got on. And she obviously looked up to Jane because it's Jane Fonda. And Chelsea went, yeah, sure, when? She goes, tonight. And Chelsea was like, oh God, this feels like I'm in trouble. So she went over and she said, and I was correct, I was in trouble.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Jane sat her down and she said, had you noticed the last time we met, I was quite frosty with you? And Chelsea said, I had noticed actually, but I tried not to overthink it and just thought maybe you were having a bad day. And Jane was like, well, I wasn't. It was actually your fault.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I was being frosty with you on purpose because you came to my birthday party recently and you ruined the night for everyone. You were so rude. You came in with this really dark cloud over you. You were really rude to loads of my guests and you kind of ruined the night. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Totally. Chelsea said, what a gesture of sisterhood. She said, Jane Fonda will never have to have that conversation with me again. And she said, and she was right. I was in a bad place mentally and she was on something and Jane was like, I don't know what drugs you were on. And Chelsea said, it's actually nothing to do with the drugs that I'm on. It's where I am in my head.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
And then she started doing all this work on herself and It's just, it's such a good book. I cannot recommend it enough. But the reason I, I don't know why, but I really wanted to tell you about this part of the book, which I've listened to on repeat. I've listened to it about six times, I would say. Chelsea Handler is very generous to her family. She's obviously got buckets of cash.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
She brings them on these huge holidays. You know, she brings them to Martha's Vineyard where all the Chelebs love to go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Sorry, we have a silent producer. Emily's taking over. Emily's taking over. We can hear you now, Emily. You're coming through loud and clear, loud and clear. I'm sure Obama or someone was there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I heard it was Joanne Vogue actually, well, but that's what I'd heard.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, we have Obama Plaza, which is basically a little shopping center in the middle of Ireland somewhere and it has a Supermax at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Very good one. I think, I don't know if Obama's actually been there. I think he just like flew over at once and everyone was like, he looked at us, come on, let's build.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Go on. So anyway, she brings her family on these huge holidays and she has all these nieces and nephews who she calls the Nuggets and she's never had children herself but she says she just wouldn't be able for it but that she loves her nieces and nephews and she feels like they're kind of her kids even though she says she offers
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
no parenting advice at all she's like I'm not equipped and she said one time on one of these big family holidays she realised that she had spoiled her nieces and nephews and they were being rude to her staff and she said she left the holiday she went off to film something and because she'd done she said the old Chelsea would have just kicked off and told everyone to go fuck themselves
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Fine. Jo now has two baby girls, which in my opinion is like winning the baby lottery. I'd love two baby girls. Oh, two baby girls. They'd be the best of friends. They could raise each other like little dogs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
But the new Chelsea, because she's done the work, because she's quite acerbic, that's kind of like her personality. And I think that is true. I don't think that's put on. She wrote this. It was the most beautifully well-crafted letter I've ever read with my ears. Listen to it. I loved it so much. It was just, it was perfect. She talked about how much she loves them, all the nieces and nephews.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
But the last time she left the family holiday, she was embarrassed and she felt taken advantage of. Ooh. Yeah. She's like, I realize now I've spoiled you with these holidays and you're just entitled now. And here are the new rules. Oh, I like. Yeah. I think you'd love it. I don't know why it really touched me on some level. I actually cried when I listened to it again. I don't know why.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I don't take my family on holidays. No one takes me on holidays. I don't know why it resonated so much with me. I think it was just the honesty and how well it was crafted. And she was like, I love you. There's nothing you could do to make me not love you. Yeah. But shit has to change around here. Yeah. And here are the new rules.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I would love you to find the letter online and read it. It's just so well crafted and so balanced and kind. But like she's making her point and she talks about rules of being a guest. Don't finish anything. Oh, oh. Don't finish anything unless you're willing to make a fresh batch. Don't finish the Belvedere vodka that I have provided. Say hello to the staff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Don't roll your eyes at my guests because they're older and you're bored by them. They're my very good friends. Like all this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
Yeah, I think they're teenagers. And she says, I realize now that this is kind of my fault because you've never had to put your hand in your pocket for anything. It's all just an offer to you. And she said, in LA, they work for me. They don't work for you. Treat them with respect. I want you to say thank you. Say hello to my staff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
If my staff are carrying something that they need help with, please help them. She was like, I've spoiled you. And now she's going to change around here. It just really, I just was like, it's made me see Tess Mander in a whole new light. I just loved it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
You see, I'm lucky. I have a cheap palate. I'd be like, I'm ground to the glens, Chelsea. How is that still going? With a tractable, scratchy hand. I can't believe you. She's back. I found her in the drawer. You lose everything. Yeah. I found her in the drawer looking for one of my AirPods.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
That clip about the, how white Irish men are, that it, yeah, counting down on them is a health and safety issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not putting that in my mouth. It's raw. It's raw. Well, that is, I've started doing clips, you know, that I was notoriously invisible online with clips. But, just, I might as well plug it. Yes. I'm on tour, Ireland to the UK.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan
I've added an extra London Apollo date on October 16th. And I'm going to Europe. I'm going to Oslo. I'm adding another Barcelona date, another Amsterdam date and I'm also going to Berlin and other places.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
she's glowing and she's cured all her brain tumours and everything anyway there seems to be a lot of stories about women faking cancer for attention sympathy money kudos status kind of fascinates me I know but also do you know what I don't want to generalise it just being women but the stories that we hear are of women did you see that it's very much a woman's crime it's like poison it's very much a female way to murder is poison a woman's crime seems to be to fake terminal illnesses
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
But there was definitely something going on. She has the munchie housing. The munchie housing? She has the munchie housing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
yeah I'm nearly out of that anyway because I've only got a year left not even and then you're out of the potential munch hazy bracket no munching for you the munching will be over in about 8 months time I can start believing you again when you say you're ill it's been very ropey these last couple of years that she's right in the demographic I can't believe a word that comes out of her mouth
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Yeah, you've got the flu, Vogue. Sure you do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Chomping on the attention. Look at her down there. Don't believe a word she says. She's right in the bracket for the munching.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm sorry, if you haven't seen it, tough luck. Spoiler alert. Yeah, fine. Well, it's Bruce's dad. Anyway, sorry. Beep. That was a bit far, actually. Bruce's dad in the end. Turns out Bruce thinks the kid's dead. Turns out the kid's alive. Bruce's dad. Like folks said, if you haven't watched it at this stage. Tough luck. Tough luck.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
does the ship go down in the end it's so long since I've seen it I don't know I might be mixing it with somebody else but I think that the ship goes down I think they saved the boat did they that's what I remember yeah how long was the movie for you 35 minutes my summary of films has to be questioned but I think they saved everyone in Titanic in the end I wrote poems for you both for Valentine's oh go on Jo's first Jo I wrote this for you thanks mate you haven't heard it yet no
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Joe, roses are red, violets are blue. That sounds so familiar, actually. I made that one up. I coined that. Yeah, what are you saying? Okay. I coined that. No one's saying anything. Roses are red, violets are blue. I may not know your children's names, but I also don't know you. Nice. Very good. We've got that ongoing joke that I don't know you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I wrote another one going, roses are red, violets are blue. Joe, who the fuck are you? Nice. I thought, no, let's bring the children in. It's Valentine's Day. It's fun. Vogue, I obviously wrote one for you. Okay. Her name was Vogue. She was a showgirl with yellow ribbons in her hair and a dress cut down to there. She did merengue and do the cha-cha.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always turned to Barbie. Then it turns out someone else wrote something similar. Yeah, very similar. So I've written... I love it. You know that song. Her name was then. Yeah, Lola. Okay, so here we go. Rose are red. Violets are blue. I don't know. That was scrapped out. I realized that one wasn't. Here we go. Here we go. Rose are red. Violets are blue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I did the Sheer Lux podcast recently and they asked me what annoys me the most and I said abbreviations and I'm sorry, Vogue, I threw you under the bus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Vogue is my one and only. Apart from obviously Negroni.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Yeah. I look forward to my client. Here we go again. Here we go. Vogue. Roses are red. Violets are blue. My partner in ghosting who takes a beautiful roasting. That's very... Now we know what she does with herself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Drinking in the bath like I do over here. It's lovely. Do you know what I want? I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I never did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
You have a leisure centre going on in that place.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Kate Moss does that apparently when she was getting ready for shows she would dip her face in a bowl of ice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
So let's hold our ears for the rest of the pod. It triggers lymphatic drainage, which is something I get regularly, which is because of wine, but I tell myself it's hormonal. So if I come to your house and you're wondering where all your hair bobbins are gone, they're on my ears.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It's anything to trigger the lymphatic drainage. Anyway, let's go back to her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I said when she said, I said when Vogue says us, I was like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I think there's great street cred in having a scooter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
If someone likes me that much, I just feel like they're ill-informed. Do you know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm like, oh God, no. I'm like, come on. I've also been up to bits and bobs. What were you doing this weekend? This weekend I was gigging but I also, I'm in this weird scrap. So there's a couple of coffee shops in my local area. There's not a huge amount of them but I kind of spread myself around maybe three of them, right? And one of them, the manager doesn't like me. Now, I'm in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I use it as a workspace, but I eat and drink all day. So just for clarity, I'm not just sitting in there like over an Americano. I'm talking breakfast. Then an hour later, I'm on my lunch menu. I have coffee. I'll have a glass of wine. Like it's not like I'm sitting there. I spend money in that place. Yeah. I spend money in that place.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I've been working... I worked in there until I started seeing a guy who lived above it and he started bringing... I was dating him and he was also dating other people and he started bringing his dates into the coffee shop and then the waitress told me and so I had to abandon the coffee shop but he's now moved away so I'm back in the coffee shop. I've taken it back in the divorce.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He wasn't what you'd be looking for. Yeah, he wasn't. We weren't looking for the same thing. Anyway, he was looking for a woman with 16 vaginas. So... Anyway, the manager hates me. Now, I've suspected he's hated me for a while. I don't know what I've done to deserve it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I've held my hypocritical hands up and said two hands to the hypocrite. It's like when I was smoking. When I smoked, it was cool, chic and Parisian. When anyone else did it, it was trash.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He very much... He's very mean to me. He's dismissive. I bet he's not mean at all. What has he done to be mean? They wouldn't give me the... I was like, the Wi-Fi's shit in there. And I was like, can I get the Wi-Fi code? Like, I'm in here every day. It's basically my office. And they're like, the manager said he won't give a shit. And I was like... Come on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I've spent thousands and thousands of pounds in here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Oh, look, I mean... He doesn't know you're a literate on your computer. Yeah, yeah, I should probably show him my phone. I don't even have Word. I don't even have the World Wide Web. I write a book in calligraphy. But anyway, so I went in on Saturday and Saturday is really busy, obviously. And I went in as a type for one, please. And he was like, are you willing? Like straight away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He didn't want to. He was annoyed I was in. And he's like, are you willing to write over 45 minutes for food and over 30 minutes for drinks? He said that to you before you sat down. And I went, well, no. And he goes, well, that's what it is, love. No. You did. Love. He's Italian or something. So it's like, it's what it's still. He goes, well, that's what it is, love.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
We're in our, this is our busiest time. Sorry, 35 minutes for a drink. Over 45 minutes for food and over 30 minutes for drinks. And I was like, well, no. And he goes, well, that's what it is, love. This is our busiest time. And I went, okay. And he goes, well, okay. And I left. And then I remembered one time, one fucking time I said, I'm waiting on a coffee.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
One time, I said I'm waiting on a coffee and he was so pissed off about it. So now I'm scrapping with him. If I saw him, I think I would say...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It's today. It's literally, we're going, we're airing on the National Day of... Love.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Do you even know where you're going or are you just getting on the plane? Is it just time to get on a plane? It's half term with the kids. We're going skiing. Shoop, shoop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I remember in my midterm we were sent out the front of the house with a stick. So were we. I'm making up for that yeah we were never we were never as entertained as these children Joanne I come from a broken home I want my children to have a better life I don't think rich homes can be broken I just don't think they can it wasn't rich at the start it wasn't rich at the start
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Well, I wish my mother had been a podcaster forward slash writer forward slash presenter forward slash collaborator because she would have had more free time. Sadly, she had a nine to five. So we were just pushed into a fucking babysitters for the week. We used to have... Pat wasn't collabing with Disneyland.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
No, we were always clean. Naked, but clean. We were sent to childminders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. We were fed peas and fish fingers and weak ribena and it was all that jazz, you know. Childhood. Really weak dilutant. Like it was just water with like a teeny tiny bit of flavour in it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Jesus, that man was living. That's living. There was no constraint for Alexander. I love that that's like the highest level of luxury.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
that's like me using eye cream my old face that's what I aim for that's what I want to work towards come on also don't bother with the water don't bother that's so funny he's like I've made it now girls look at this we were still rations though we were still rations because we were used to that anyway Valentine's Day are you a romantic yourself would you say
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I think you should I think that you should consider it you've lots of nights on the tour I think one matinee I know for us in London one matinee in London one matinee in Dublin I do feel you there's times where I'm like I would love to do a matinee I don't think you're taking it on board though but I will tell you this I've done matinees before and as much as it would suit your timings because I know you like to be in bed by 5pm home by 6 home by 6 in the cot by 6.30 but the energy is not the same at a matinee it's really not they're kind of just waking up
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
you're not at all I can't stand it not even when I was with not even when I had partners not even back when I was in the rat race the romantic rat race was I ever actually romantic I like to pine I like to be the admirer I don't enjoy being admired to like per se and I knew it was a con I remember very well I was in bed with a boyfriend of mine at the time and I actually wrote a piece about romance for the Irish Times they took this out for legal reasons but I'll say it on the pod laughing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I was in bed with this guy and we were going out. We were living together. And he turned to me and was like, I'm really sorry. There's a band I want to see. And they're only here for Valentine's Day. Would you mind if I wasn't here on Valentine's Day? And I was like, I've never expressed an interest in Valentine's Day. I don't know why you think I'd care. And he was cheating on me at the time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
And I was like, I'd much rather you weren't riding your trainer. But sure. Okay. Yeah, I didn't give a shit. Go see your Valentine's Day. I was like, why would I? I don't care about Valentine's Day. That's what I knew. I was like, this is an absolute con.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
fantastic I'm just going to fucking call it it's embarrassing even my mother was saying shit shit my mother was saying my dad one time sent her in because she was a nurse she's retired now he sent her in like a big thing of roses into the hospital and she was so embarrassed that she covered it with a bin bag to get it out laughing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Because she didn't want... She was like, that's not how I present in work. Like, I'm hardcore. Like, I'm Sister McNally. Like, I don't... I'm not romantic, you know. I laugh in the face of death. Exactly, yeah. I'm not going to, like, gush over a rose. That's not how we... That's not how I roll.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
But actually. You don't think he is? I don't think so. Flowers on occasion. As someone who has. Who isn't. Like has. As someone who. I don't buy into romance at all. Because it embarrasses me. Which is my own problem. I'm going to see a specialist about it actually. Someone reached out recently. She was like.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
do you want me to help you through this dark time yeah this very dark time I was like yeah fuck it go on because it's all like they say it's just embarrassment it's being Irish I think a lot of it's being Irish but I think flowers are romantic like flowers are romantic but like I mean I don't think that like I'll tell you something somebody did that was romantic for me
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
That's really romantic. Because there's thought in that. They're like, oh, I know that you like these little things and it's not a big expense.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
that's about it like I suppose you have to just kind like I know I just find it all a bit embarrassing and even I get second hand like if if Spencer sent flowers in here now as some kind of gesture I'd be embarrassed for everyone I just get embarrassed I don't know why it just embarrasses me even seeing women on the train with flowers I'm embarrassed I don't know why.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
And for stand-up, you kind of want them a little oiled, a little loosey.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Women on the train with flowers. It's like a thread. I just embarrass me. You see, I look at it and I'm like, ah. Yeah, I don't know why. And like I say, it was even when I was in relationships, I found it embarrassing. Do you know what I've started doing? And I don't know why. And I spoke to a lad about it recently and he told me to stop doing that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
When I go on dates with guys, I've started paying for the dinner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
so I keep paying for the dinner so like the first date I'll like make sure I'll go up and pay and I'll why I don't know I think I tried to unpack it and I was like it's obviously some sort of financial flex that I'm saying I don't need you I don't need your money I'm gonna do this thing but then it kind of upsets the whole dynamic of it all and and then I don't really respect them anymore isn't that terrible laughing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Well, some of them I have given a chance. And I'm like, no, I'll get it. And they're like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, I'll get it. And I'm like, I will get it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I don't care if you die in your arse to a matinee. God forbid the entire experience of the show, Vogue. But it's kind of embarrassing when you have to admit that you're perceived to be better at your job and people are pissed. Oh, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I know, but I wonder if you're doing that with fellas. I am. But I don't respect them after. And that's not so terrible. Like, I'm the one forcing...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm just going to say, hey, can I speak to you for a second? I always think that's a really good way to start a conversation because you know something serious is about to happen. Can I talk to you outside for a second? Oh God, I feel like I'm getting dumped.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I did a call out for the moment when actually, because we're all about growth and accountability, as much as we love to call all our exes narcissistic, gaslighting bastards, sometimes we do have a role to play. Sometimes, not always, sometimes. Narcissistic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Do you know what I mean? It's like we all say, we all tell ourselves what we need to hear to make it all okay. Yeah, yeah, he's not well. Yeah, maybe he's a narcissistic gay man and then there's nothing, I couldn't, if there was nothing I could have done there, you know? A lot of them, so I did a shout out saying,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Tell me the moment you realized you might have been the problem or relationships where you realized you were the problem. A lot of people writing back going, how dare you? I've never been the problem. Fair. Touche. Getting banned from KFC for throwing chicken in his face. Now, there was quite a lot of altercations. Okay, okay. Yeah, a lot of people throwing things at their car and, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Violence is not the answer. It's never the answer. But chicken in the face in KFC is surely fine. That's just passion. I don't think I've ever even thrown a drink in someone's face. Oh, you should. Once, one drink in the face. I've never done it either, but I hope that it's...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
the option is to do it to each other no we respect each other far too much to do that yeah you wouldn't waste a drink no I'd be licking it off her face like don't waste it Rob trying to funnel it back into the bottle wringing her hair out I realised I was a problem when I couldn't go a day without him
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I realised I was the problem somehow that's a really good one one I couldn't go down if you get too obsessed attached yeah it's like codependent isn't it or sorry it's not codependent you're just you're the only one you're like a little barnacle clinging on for dear life yeah yeah but then I always wonder people talk about codependency I'm like is that not just what being in love is I know but you know what because I'm so obsessed with death I'm like I don't want to like like I think about things and I'm like okay if Spencer wasn't around like would I have enough people to hang around with like I do consider that
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Yeah. Two glasses. Yeah, you're right. Two and a half, two, three. Then it starts kind of... Things then start to go the other way. Yeah, two for me and I go... Matinees in the Edinburgh Fringe were like some of them... It's like pulling teeth. It's not the same vibe. But then it hits a certain... Then in Edinburgh there was a show called Late and Live which started at midnight. And that was...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Yeah. Just do Iraqi every now and again. If he died, I'd actually be fine today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Still fine. I'm building a circle of friends for when Spencer dies. Would you like to join? Get my ducks in a row. Pressured him into talking about his childhood trauma when I wasn't a therapist and I absolutely broke him.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
got drunk fell over backwards in the bedroom never saw him again the visual of a woman falling backwards like that's quite the fall like usually gravity would take you forwards falling backwards is it's a statement it's a statement do you remember you stood on that glass with your foot yeah that's like a story that I'll always remember yeah and me and my ex tried to wrap it up and then he was like you're really bleeding out there oh god it was really bad yeah it was really bad still really scarred quite cool I think
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
When I threw his I'm sorry cake out the window. I mean, I think that's actually fine. Loved picking fights with my ex, secretly wanting him to dump me so I get pity for my friends. When I threw a chair at him for not making me dinner.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
and then the micropenis guy who always mails me about his micropenis obviously just come in and go do you want to see my micropenis can you say yes I would like to see the micropenis tell him I should actually I should just respond will you send him my send him my detail do you have those private details you know the way I have that person who sends me meow all the time I've someone started sending me woof
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
oh very nice I insisted on staying in his bed while his girlfriend from London was downstairs he left me there lol I mean replying good morning like I'd just woken up when I was still actually on an all night bed oh is that your man who mailed in for the bonus last week
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
and you're trying to make it okay so you go you go too hardcore and you're like I'll join you and then ah lurking around come on we all do really embarrassing stuff like that like and then Dave is praying that it kicks off and he brings them back to their room that they really get on Dave is like oh my god my fantasies have all come at once
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
He paid someone else to write the song. He outsourced because he's a businessman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me, I outsourced that Negroni thing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'll be asking for my money back. Imagine if that was ChatGBT's best efforts. Out of love, out of dishonest for vote. That's it for this week. We hope we've filled you with bitterness and romance. Yeah, our favourite things. A bitter romance. A bitter sense of romance. Thank you for my poem. You're so welcome. Joe, anything you want to say? Thank you for my poem. Joe, I don't know who you are.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
You found your hat. I didn't lose this hat. I'm wearing my cock baseball le cock hat. No, I didn't lose this hat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I've never heard of anyone measuring champagne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
The second I see anyone, the measurements, the wine, the drink measurements. And I know, look, I know it's my own problem. Immediately, I'm just angry. I was.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'll tell you what. Maybe she was doing you a solid. I'll tell you what. Maybe she was like, if I hear a vow going on about anxiety from alcohol one more time, I can't listen to it. I'm going to measure it with champagne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I do. No, I hear you. There's nothing. It's discombobulating when the measurement comes out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
There's nothing so far about Jason Manford.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
What did I? For sure. Was I not just going through a breakup with an actual man? Are you sure it was the baseball cap?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Sorbet lemon. OK, fine. Hi, Viz. Hi, Viz. Gillette. Sorbet. Gillette. Joe came in and goes, wow, that's yellow. And I said, I think what you mean to say is, wow, that's gorgeous. And he went, yeah, sorry, I meant to say, wow, that's gorgeous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Emmanuel. Oh yeah, I know Emmanuel. Was he wearing skinny jeans when you saw him? Yeah, he always wears them. They're like his look. I just thought. Huge lad. He used to be a bouncer, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
The first time I gigged with him, he kept opening the door for me to go in and out. And I thought he was the bouncer. And only when he went on stage, I was like, oh, fucking hell.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
It's because Emmanuel's so jacked. He's absolutely huge. He's, like, 6'12". Maybe they were flares and he's just so rich that they turned him to skinny. Maybe they were clots and he just is so huge that he can't get baggy jeans. That's what happened. He definitely shops in the big and tall shop, but even still, he's like, these are, like, pedal pushers, but...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
We don't call it a cock. We never call it a cock. Only when I'm trying to be a dirty bitch. Yeah. Never to me. Only in the privacy of your own home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
no sorry like they're baggy trousers to him or pedal bushes now I know Emmanuel and I would say and Emmanuel correct me if I'm wrong I would say because skinny jeans are back in fashion but if I know Emmanuel I haven't seen anyone wearing them by the way you only saw them in stylist well do you know no no no that's not true Gassie's wearing them all the time who and this is why I have to take them seriously Claudia Winkleman is wearing them all the time on Tracers she's covering them up with boots doesn't matter they're still a skinny jean
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
oh my god I know and they're back and I read an article the other day it was like tips on how to wear them in 2025 and I was like don't that's the tip don't wear them I'm sorry I was really happy when they disappeared because honestly I don't really have the legs for skinny jeans no and that's the problem when you don't have the body or the physique to fit the fashion but you do it anyway because you're you're just on the hamster wheel you just want to be involved you just want to be involved and then you're it was the skinny jeans for me was the constant ass crack that was the humiliating part of it I have an ass
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
now it's not a great ass I wish it was bigger and rounder but I do have an ass an ass peeking out you know I have curves and stuff well I probably used to have more but the ass was very and you'd have to you'd have to you'd have to bend down from the front, if you get, like from the back. Do you get me? You could never bend over.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
Rude. Penis. Penis. No. Yeah. Whenever you address your cock to me, it's always penis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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You drop a cigarette in the ground and you'd be like, you'd be kind of trying to lie down backwards to collect it. To not show your arse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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And apparently on men, they affect fertility. Some people do have two vaginas, by the way, so... They're never the same size. I have a friend with two vaginas. Sorry, no, two wombs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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No. We have big dick energy with no dicks. That's the way you want. That's the perfect. That's the female status. What about you, Jo? Would you say you've got big dick energy? No, in this podcast I have no dick energy. That's specifically what I'm here for.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I'll be bringing in an air fryer book. Actually, I won't even use that. I fucking... I have two drawers sitting on an Ninja air fryer and I've never... I tried to cook eggs in them. I've never touched it since.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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What do trad wives do? Do you do it really slowly and then speak really suggestively and really fucking annoyingly on the air fryer?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Today, my children want a chewing gum. So it started with a base. Sorry, did you see her one making paper? I shot a pigeon in the garden. What? She made paper. She's taking the piss.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Is this your one who's married to that man?
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Because some of them are taking the piss. No. It's rage bait.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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White woman has an apron, obviously. Yeah, that's...
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I can't bear an affected voice like that. It drives me insane. It makes me want to punch the screen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Chances are he's cheating and she's probably got a yeast infection. Okay, yeah. Like nothing is ever the way it seems.
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And we all know that. I think we just accept now that social media is fake news, really. She's running a cooking show. Sorry, can we speak about speaking of fake news and people cooking? The thing that's got me through the entire weekend. What? I was kicking my tits off, but I spent most of the weekend watching. Apple Cider Vinegar and Hacks. I'm going to start watching Hacks. Hacks is brilliant.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Apple Cider Vinegar is a Netflix show about it's a series about Belle Gibson who is an Australian influencer who we've spoken about before. Yeah. who basically faked cancer to set up a kind of cookery app and healthy eating. And she said that she cured her brain tumours through kind of healthy eating and good lifestyle and juicing, basically, like through cabbage.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Absolutely none. You're our little eunuch over there. That's how we like it. That's fine.
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She basically said she fucking cured it through blueberries and cabbage. And she was raising money for kids that never got it. And she was keeping it all herself. It was bad. It was...
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so bad anyway so there was a series there's a six part seven part series about it on Netflix and it was brilliant because sometimes they don't do good jobs like Sweet Bobby the podcast was much better than the show the TV show was shit I think in comparison it didn't get into the nitty gritty whereas this was really really good I'd highly recommend it she is
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so I'm sorry this new one is a six part series yes because they already had something about her which I thought was a really good watch as well but I haven't started watching this one this one is fake it's like a it's fictionalised it's not it's not a documentary it's like a fictionalised series but it's so good and do you know what I felt for her which I really didn't expect to feel for her I felt sorry for her she seems very troubled just very troubled I mean if you go do stuff like that it's really quite bizarre to be like that and then the interviews where they're like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate. How sweet. Happy Galentine's and Palentine's Day, Vogue. Why is it Galentine's? What's Galentine's? Galentine's is the girlos and Palentine's is pals. It's the same now. Should I tell you that pals annoys me now as well? I don't know what's going on with me. I think I'm near death.
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bell your brother she's like well yeah things were hard because my brother's autistic they're like bell we just interviewed him he's very sure he's not autistic and she's like well yeah he has to say that like because you know that's what autistic people would say and then it comes to her brother being like I'm not autistic I'm not autistic it's also like stealing from charities and stuff like that and it's also like leading very ill people down a fake path where they're turning people were turning down treatment and stuff because they're like well look at bell gibson
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I thought that was Ola.
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No, I just thought because you travel loads in Los Angeles and Spain.
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Barry Keoghan is now single, which is great news for all the women we fancy him, including all three of us. And if he needs a recommendation for Raya, I am willing.
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to be that for him because Raya you need two recommendations and Barry if you're struggling John that's really kind of you I thought so yeah I'll get you on Raya Barry I'll get you bringing the Christmas cheer for him I'll get you on Raya what a girl holla slip into the DMs I'll get you on Raya also Did you know? You know Saltburn, which was like amazing, blah, blah, blah.
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amazing in Saltburn you can't put a time on that shit okay well I think we should do a Saltburn special cut everything else we've just said let's just do a Saltburn special right now well you know in Saltburn that scene where he rides the mud yeah well the grave the grave yeah the spoiler spoiler for anyone who hasn't seen it he rides a grave okay Spenny's gonna do that to my grave I bet you anything oh yeah I'd say you're down for that for sure 100% yeah yeah and he's well hung so he'll probably be my contact if he really leans into it
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If he really drills down, he'll be tapping on that coffin. He'll be like, no! Leave me alone! That was improvised. Did you know that, Joe?
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Yeah. He was like, I'll just do what I need to do. And they were like, he's going to kind of lean into the grave. And they didn't know what he was going to do. And he's like, just let me do what I need to do.
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I was gasping. I was like, I had my hands over my mouth and I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I saw him kind of go to unbuckle his jeans and I was like, he's not going to ride that. Oh my God, he's riding the grave. It's happening. He's riding the grave. I mean, epic, epic, iconic. We love you, Barry. Yeah, he is fantastic.
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You keep riding that mud. And also, Sabrina, you've also lost out. I remember I went to a therapist once when I was heartbroken over a guy and I was just all about how sad I was about losing him. And she was like, do you not think he's lost something in losing you? And I was like, oh my God, I never considered that. So I hope that helps, Barry. I hope that helps.
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And sorry, folk, I'm not being bad, but what on earth about me made you think I needed wine glasses?
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So there was a photo of him when he
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led the scene he was stung in McDonald's wasn't he there was a photo of him with his hood up and he's we think flirting with somebody we don't know he's kind of got a very engaged hot smile on his face he's kind of looking off and then they found loads of photos but obviously they copped who it was and found all these photos he's got his top off he's absolutely ripped he's absolutely shredded people are like who had the audacity to hand him in
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I'd harbor him like it's kind of gone next level it's like do you remember the hot felon do you remember him yes what did he do yeah but he now I'm not saying any corn is a good corn he didn't shoot somebody in the back of the head I know but I did it's like imagine that was your husband who was shot like would you not be like Jesus Christ
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I don't think they married, but they definitely had a kid. Yeah. So the hot assassin is called Luigi Mangione. And Luigi... had a manifesto and it was definitely, he was making a kind of a political point for sure. But I've never heard a report of a man having a manifesto in a good way. Once a man has a manifesto, What was in his manifesto? People are going to die. Like Hitler had a manifesto.
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It's very much a I've got shit to say and I've got to take people down kind of diary.
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A manifesto is an intention setting. Go...
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journal for incel sociopaths would that be fair joe yeah and political parties they do and political oh sorry and political parties but nobody else i've never known a woman to have a manifesto guys sorry i just can't actually really differentiate between a manifesto and people having those fucking vision boards it's not the same thing it absolutely is yeah women always undersell what they're doing we're like oh it's just a vision board it's just a maybe maybe you know i'd love this to happen i'd like to will it into existence but
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Whereas lads are like, I've written a manifesto and I've bought a gun.
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I can understand wanting to collect things. My aunt collects thimbles, but... A thimble seems quite a lot nicer than... It's more of a PG. And I've met people who collect Furbies and stuff, but collecting guns, I mean, it's a different mentality really, isn't it?
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Did you know they were that tiny? No. Okay, look, in the end, these jackets were on sale, so don't feel too bad about it. There was 50 quid off them.
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I collect broken belligerent men. Yes, you do. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I've seven in the cupboard there. The only thing that would turn me off Luigi Mangaloni, apart from the murdering. What? Is he was wearing a snood. And I can't abide a snood. I don't really like gloves on a man either. I just... So I was at, I was home in Ireland during the week for a funeral, a family funeral.
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And there was people there I hadn't seen in years, et cetera, as there always is at funerals. And I was standing at the bar. It was kind of a quiet, it was like the after the lunch part. It was very nice, very demure, very respectful. And I was standing at the bar and a gentleman I've known, I've known him my whole life, really. Like he's like a family friend's father kind of thing. Yeah.
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I'd say he's early 70s kind of thing. And he came over to me at the bar. I was obviously ordering a gin and slim. And he came over and he was like, oh, because I haven't seen him in years. He's like, oh, I was at your show. And I was like, what? Like he would not be the demographic now at all.
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Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Jamal McNally and me, Bug Williams.
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And he's like, oh, my wife got tickets and I said I'd go and we went in to the board. Gosh. And I was like, oh, lovely. I said, thanks for coming. And he goes, God, you're a slut. What? What? And when I say this funeral lunch was, you know, it was like, it wasn't a rowdy lunch. It was a funeral lunch. God, you're a slut. And I was like, oh. I was so taken aback. I was like, oh my God.
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Isn't it, slut? Yeah. Oh my God, you're a slut. And I was like, and he was delighted with himself. He was like laughing away. He was thrilled. He'd been waiting two years to tell me this. And I was like, thank you so much, I guess. I mean, thank you for the compliment. And I said, you must come to the new show. And he goes, ah! More slotting, is it? More slotting. Does he know what the word means?
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I don't know. He seemed to be so thrilled to deliver this information to me. I don't think he knows what it means. He was like, you're a slot. And then he was laughing and his son was there and his son was kind of laughing kind of nervously. And then I was obviously just taking it on the chin because I was like, this is actually really funny. I love to be slut shamed at a funeral.
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I can tell you, it kills the time. It kills the time. Speaking of more slutting, my new stand-up show, Peanutfile, is currently on sale. 2025, 2026, Ireland and the UK. Cork dates added. All tickets available on joannmcnally.com. Lovely cork. Anyway, speaking of sluts, on to Judi Dench.
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Judi Dench has a parrot and she was doing an interview recently and she was talking about the parrot and she's like, the parrot's gas. I have to read you this quote. It really made me laugh.
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Yes, yeah. That was what it was for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been held as national treasure. Blah, blah, blah. Not as interesting as this. Dame Judi Dench has revealed that her pet parrot has a rather less polite name for her. We had a long chat just now, says Judi. You shouldn't ask what she says. She says, you're a slut. You're a slag. Dench told the Sunday Times.
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It's not a competition, Val.
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She has said Boris Johnson in the past, but she didn't get that from me. She suddenly says to me, you're a slag, you're a slut.
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She said, honest to God, it's true. I don't know where she learned the timing of it. She delivers it so well.
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If my dog started, imagine Bertie, imagine you gave Bertie the gift of audio. Yeah. And he just started calling you a slag. I mean, it's problematic, is it not? I wouldn't like to be offended.
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You're right. I know it is. That's why I was really generous this year because I felt bad because I did owe you a couple of presents. I'll just open the second. Oh, yeah, it's the same tiny wine glass.
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Judy, what has he seen you do? What has he seen you do? Who's been in and out of that house, Judy? I think your turn of 90, I think, great, good for you. If you're slagging around the gaff and your parrot's seen it and he's calling you out, it only makes me respect you more, to be honest.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably what it is.
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I do, I love it, yeah.
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That's what people do. They look, they try to get closer looks at things.
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On the days that I don't have a curly blow-dry. Like, I can't get a curly blow-dry every day. Well, then you're going to just have to... I'm absolutely... I'm not going to lie. I'm offended and insulted. And I want to know who this man is. I'll do nothing about it, but... I'll just go in and try and dagger... You're the hot felon!
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Well, I think I'm just a felon, really.
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They're just, it's more, they're so tiny. This feels like an intervention, if I'm being honest. A very cheap one.
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The rosacea felon. They're like, oh, she has kind of like a Santa nose on her at Christmas. Like a sort of skin condition.
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This sounds like pure sexism to me. But there, just because it's a lot, I'm just going to call it sexism and try and move on. Well, it was lovely to meet that woman. I don't remember any of this encounter, but thank you for having my back and not calling security. Have you ever met anyone famous? Not super famous, to be honest. What about you, Jo? Yeah.
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Folks' favourite quote.
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What famous person have you met, Vogue? Like who's the most famous?
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but like I've met like obviously Boy George and stuff like that I've met a lot of the Spice Girls which was very cool there's levels of there's levels of fame that that vary in impressiveness really isn't there yeah yeah like the top tier like Tom Cruise he'd be kind of yeah oh I met Michael Douglas tier one I met Michael Douglas oh well he's I would say he's tier one tier one I'd say oh yeah I'd say Michael Douglas is tier one I mean the man got throat cancer from going down on women he's a rockstar
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Sometimes it's like you know me intimately and sometimes it's like you don't know me at all. You think I want to reduce my drink wine size in my own home where no one can see how large my pours are.
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I actually feel really bad about the glasses because I was like, they're really cute.
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Well, apart from the glasses, I did get a gorgeous Vogue package yesterday. This is true. I did. And this is what I will repackage and open again on Christmas Day. And it is 19 bottles of extra dark foam bear by Vogue. You got extra dark? Yeah. What? I'm going to Cape Town in January. I'm going...
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It's this time of year where I just, it just makes me so sad that sunbeds give you cancer. It's just that time. It's every time I'm about to go on a sun holiday, I just, I really resent the cancer stuff from the sunbeds.
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I used to put oil on my face and all. Oh God, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's have a burnt face. Yeah, so now when I'm in with like a skin specialist, they're like, oh, you've got a skin pigmentation. I'm like, I'm lucky I have a face. Do you know what I mean?
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They injected themselves with extra melatonin, wasn't that it? Yeah. I had friends doing that. Like tanning is, was everything. Not as much now. Phaeton is so high end now and so sci-fi. But back in the day when it was just one colour of fake tan and there was no such thing as mitts or anything. You were just kind of smearing it on with your bare hands.
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Yeah, I was just using Pat's fake tan. So imagine me and Pat using the same fake tan. Like the whole thing was, it was chaos. Yeah. But before I went to Ibid that years ago, I decided, I was like, I'm going to get stuck into the beds. It was the summer where there was a stage where all the white people in Ireland were tan mad. And cancer, it just wasn't on the radar.
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I've seen sunglasses bigger than these.
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It was on the radar, but it wasn't enough. The concerns weren't enough to really stop us. And I was in getting beds when I went to Ibiza. Like the sad part is I looked amazing. I'm sorry. Sorry, there's no lessons to be learned here.
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It's just true. But I remember one of my friends is an oncology nurse and she sat me down and was like, do you know the amount of young girls we have coming in here?
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I'm going to have to melt it down into one normal sized wine glass.
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It is shame. It's a thing of shame. Do you remember that Insta account a couple of years ago, Bloggers Unveiled? Do I? Yeah, I used to love that account.
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It was actually so mean. So mean. And it was someone running this anonymous Instagram account kind of revealing shameful secrets about bloggers. Back when blogging was... I mean, they were blogging. They were influencers, I guess. And one of them in particular... Calling out influencers, though.
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Yeah. And one of them was... She was a white Irish woman. And people had been accusing her of doing beds for a very long time. And she had been... Denying it. Very much Bill Clinton days. Like, I don't know what you're talking about. I did not have anything to do with those tanning bags. And someone got a photo of her. It's so bad. Walking out of a tanning salon.
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But she was wearing huge, she was like, she was like a spy. She was wearing huge dark sunglasses and she was kind of covering her face and someone had snapped her as she walked through the reception. And it was, it was, I mean, it shouldn't have been as funny as it was, but it was really funny because it was just really, really funny.
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It was, no, it was one of the girls sitting in reception. Oh. Which is even worse. And then sent the photo in to Bloggers Unveiled. Some girl ratted her out. Oh, stop. I know.
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Anyway, thanks so much for the time. Because... You're welcome.
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Every tube of that will be... Every ounce of that mousse will be used.
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This is why I need a little girl in my life. A little baby girl. Guess how much I spent on them.
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Audible's the best version, I think.
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Audible books are just such good company, I find. They're just such good company. I'm listening to Matt Rife's audio book at the moment. Who's Matt Rife? He is an American stand-up who is controversial. He went... massively viral on TikTok and then got all these Netflix specials. And then he kind of did some weird sexist domestic jokes and people weren't happy.
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And I'm all I'm I'm actually listening to it out of pure curiosity to kind of get to know the man a bit to hopefully see his more likable side, I think. You just love listening to books. Would you listen to me now? Would you be able to listen to me? I don't know if I could listen to it. I'll definitely read it. I'd inhale it. But listening to you, I think, because I listen to you so much.
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I wonder would it be strange?
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I know, because, well, you do, because you listen to the podcast. But I don't know.
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I think I'd enjoy I think I'd enjoy I think I'd enjoy reading your book more because I think it would feel more special than listening to you because I listen to you so much that we'll go pre-order it now you too Jo I'm watching oh god is there a swipe up code on it?
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No, sorry, I'm only teasing. If anything, I have wanted a smaller wine glass. I have been looking for something more petite than what I'm currently using. So I actually really do appreciate it. And also, I do love the colour scheme. Do you know what I use them for? There's no point in lying. If I ever get contacts, I'll use them to soak. Because at contacts, you have to soak them overnight.
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Or an egg cup, maybe.
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I don't have a delicate hand. But you know what? So I did an unboxing of this. John Lewis sent me that, you know, one of these kind of beauty advent calendar things where every day is like a beauty product. And someone actually messaged me after I did. I like to support small businesses, but sometimes I'll happily support large ones. and tagged them because I love that stuff.
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What do you think? Do you love this?
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And I saw a message going, that is the most violent unboxing. And I was like, I know. I looked back. I was like, it was quite aggressive. Like I grab and tear and rip and stuff. I'm quite feral with presents.
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It's yours. Happy Christmas. Shut up. Is that really mine? Yeah, I got us matching ones. Look. Oh my God. Jo, I didn't get you one. Folk, look, it's a North Face. Let's have a description. I know, I know, because it is obviously a podcast. It's a North Face leopard print jacket, which I paid full whack for.
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That much lappers? Well, and now I've just bought you a lapper print. You're just giving out of my lapper. I'm sitting here in your lapper print present. You've no one to blame but yourself, folk. They're the vibes you put out. They're the vibes.
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I have to say, I think leopard print has definitely had its day. And I know, again, I am sitting here in a leopard print raincoat. This kind of feels a bit cooler because it's North Face, but I am kind of, I am done with leopard print. It's like culottes. Things just run its course and then I want to move on.
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Back in the day when things were, when culottes were piping hot, I had a ton of culottes. Of course I did. I was a fashion child. I liked fashion.
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No, no, no. Not as an adult. I've never worn culottes as an adult. They just look unfinished really, don't they?
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Exactly. One woman's normal pantaloon is Vogue's culotte.
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Vogue has been genuinely sick.
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500? Is she a royal doctor? How is she that expensive?
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I've never known you to collab with, well, like the flu. Do you know what I mean? I think like that's an outrageous suggestion. People who don't trust big pharma and like, obviously there are issues there, but anyone who mentions anything about vaccines, jabs.
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I actually have to say, I've never had the flu jab. And that is only from lack of knowing it was there or that lack of knowing that. I think it was kind of for older people. I didn't know people our age were getting the flu job, really. Is that a good thing?
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Well, when we recorded the last episode before our Christmas party and I was scantily clad in a beautiful River Island chain mail gold top that was donated to me years ago by Vogue, actually. And Vogue was, yeah, that was yours originally. And Vogue was wearing a jacket. Remember you were like, it's freezing in here. Anyway, little did we know you were about to spiral into a near death experience.
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So we're glad to have you back. We've missed you. I'm nearly there. I'm so glad you didn't get it. I wouldn't wish the flu on anyone. I've had it once and that's why I do, and I remember to this day, I think I was a teenager and I had the flu once and I was in my parents' bed because obviously they'd gone to work and I was old enough to be home on my own.
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But I was in my mum and dad's bed and I remember my mum came home from work and she tried to hug me because obviously she came home from work and I was really sick. And I remember like the pain of her touching my body.
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Yeah, it's terrible.
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Well, honestly, it's the thought that counts. It's the thought.
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I'll re-gift these for Gigi's kitchen or whatever, for her child.
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There's some things I would like to talk about with immediate effect. A lot's been happening since you were in your vegetative state.
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Barry Kelgan and Sabrina Carpenter have broken up.
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Well, not really, Focus. This is the second present I have you. The other present is that really cool cartoon about your one in the first class.
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Yeah. If you need to take a minute, folks, you can take a minute. I had to. I gasped. That's how invested I was. I audibly gasped when I read it.
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So I felt really sorry for both of them. Because obviously I know them personally and privately. Yeah, very upsetting time. Very upsetting. I know the two of them were very upset. I felt particularly sorry for Barry for some reason, I guess because he's Irish. I don't know. I have an extra layer of sensitivity towards him. Yeah.
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And then the rumour started that he was cheating on her with some influencer. And then, of course, the internet went for him to the point where Barry deactivated his Insta account.
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And then made a statement which feels very un-Barry Keoghan. About how much abuse he was getting, how they were slagging his looks, how they were slagging his lifestyle.
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Everything they just went from. And he cracked. And you don't see celebrities crack that much. And I was like, God, this man is under undue stress. I will tell you now, I don't know, Barry. I don't know Sabrina. And I don't know your one, although your one has come out now and said she's nothing to do with it. There is no... She took her time doing that, didn't she? She did. She did, to be fair.
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She could have been quicker out of the traps there. I agree. She could have come out straight away. There is no way in hell Barry Keoghan cheated on Sabrina Carpenter. You don't cheat on Sabrina Carpenter. That's not happening.
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But from the two stories I saw on the Daily Mail.
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Oh my God. Did you just say holla? I said holla.
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That's the vaccine kicking in there now.
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She did a peace sign. She's not well, Jo. I don't know if we can continue recording.
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I've never heard her say holla, but there's some brain damage there, I think. What's she taking?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Not a single person asked me, am I breaking up with you? That's so humiliating. They just assume you do the dumping.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
No, you're right. I never graduated to bedrooms. I was only, I was housekeeping. I was only the toilets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I don't agree with bed making. You're going to get back into it. There is no point. I genuinely believe it is an absolute waste of time and I have busier things to do. I've read up on it. I'm thrifting. I am flat out thrifting my way through New York City. I can't believe I have to tell my mum once again I didn't go to Ellis Island. So I'm thinking I'm just going to use Photoshop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm going to Photoshop myself onto the ferry going across.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
She's like, Joanne, you cannot leave New York again without doing Ellis Island. It's the queuing, of course, is the problem for me because I'm genuinely allergic to queuing. So I'm going to do AI or something and put a photo of myself at the top of the Empire State Building.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And then I was like, you know what, while I'm at it, I'll do a couple of the Eiffel Towers and stuff as well just to have them on file.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I should have just sat in my room for five minutes and photoshopped myself into all these locations in New York. Just didn't leave the room for two weeks.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I can see her from the island. And I have, I said to my mum, I said I took a video and I zoomed in from Brooklyn Bridge. I did see it up close. I looked her right in the eyes. But I would like the history in the museum and the kind of immigration and all that stuff. That does interest me. But anyway, I'm going to have to go AI because I've no time between the show and the thrifting.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Is that a thrifting top? No, actually, this is, but it was on sale. So I made an agreement with myself. I said, Joanne, you know the way I like to, I'm a big treat yourself because I'm like, oh, I have no kids. And my mum's like, you also have no pension or a house, Joanne.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Everyone assumes you're leaving me and Spencer. No one assumes me and Spencer are trying to leave you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And I'm also, I am environmentally aware and I do feel bad about the, like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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fast fashion situation so I'm like okay Joanne only second hand stuff that you couldn't buy like you're not going into Zara in New York do you know what I mean only second hand stuff or Adidas stuff that's very much discounted on sale that you couldn't get online and I've stuck to those rules wait until you see what I've gifted I saw her going into Zara in New York when we were there
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
This is why I sell stories about your marriage. This is why I do it, folk. Because you're vengeful. One pair of diamante jeans between friends from Zara, okay?
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Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I know, I got them taken in and turned into shorts. So this brings me to my next bit of news. Now, you're not going to believe this because you don't believe anything I say because you know that I have the attention span of an aunt. However, I've had so much time on my own in New York. I've had a lot of time to think. And I've been in the market for a hobby for a while now.
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Because I'm de-centering. Men were kind of my hobby and I'm kind of losing interest in that whole situation. So I need to fill that time that I spent. I'm really excited.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I had a taster. I had a taste test. I wanted to for ages. I said, I'll just climb on here and spin around for a bit and see what happens. That wouldn't be good for the world. We're still friends. We're still friends. Yeah, it was very functional in the end. No one came, if that makes any difference to you, Vogue, so.
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Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I have decided to do an online seamstress course, buy a sewing machine and start making my own clothes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I've decided to start making my own clothes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Curtains. I'm talking tablecloths. I'm talking towels. Imagine a flirt... No, not towels now. Come on. Yeah, towels, denim, like little boob tubes. I mean, because I have... There's this guy that I use. There's this amazing tailor that I use. But like, I was like... I mean, I'm not... I don't mean to... disrespect the tailoring community. But I'm not looking for massive alterations.
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I'm not going to be making wedding dresses. I'm just talking about chopping tops and making crop tops and jeans. I have a load of stuff to send you. You can charge me. Honest to God, no joke, all bullshit aside, I am doing this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I am actually going to do it like Rumpelstiltskin with the pedal and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do you want to do it? It's the same now. Sorry? You're just doing something again that you've already done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
But you work as a DJ. That's like me saying, I think I might try stand-up comedy. I think I might do a course. No, no, no. If you're going to compete with my seamstressing and my tailoring and potentially starting a clothing line of neon curtains... You need something. You need a new hobby. You need to match the energy.
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Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
The thing that you're already really good at.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do you know what could be a good hobby for you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Now it has just occurred to me, you do have three children and a husband. I am more looking to fill a bit of time. Do you know what I would love for you to do as a hobby? And I think it'd be really good for you because I know that you are quite impatient and can be very competitive and you're like, you're a sporty gal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I think you should teach me how to play tennis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yes, that's actually a very fair point. I haven't seen any women play paddle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Look, I'm open to all sporting suggestions. I have mocked myself. My fitness journey has come to a very abrupt end in New York. I have woken up every morning, put on gym gear and gone to a bar. Wow, that's actually kind of impressive to me. To write. I'm like, on the way to Crunch Fitness. And I'm like, I cannot pass an Irish pub in New York. They are so stunning.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Which reminds me, actually, I wanted the money. The Apple Pay wasn't working. I said I'd go back. Anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
That has stories on you and Brian McCadden. We can't use his real name. That was 19 years ago. I was going to tell you what I was doing today.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Hold on, you know the Obamas are splitting up apparently?
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I mean, it's not like St. Barts. It's not like they don't, it's not like they haven't seen that shit before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
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I feel attacked by my whoop over here. Literally attacked. It's like, I open my whoop, it's like, you're a piece of shit. With 3% sleep last night. Because the show's at 10 o'clock and then obviously I'm having drinks after the show and it's all a bit chaotic.
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Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And then I was like, oh. I opened my whoop, my whoop was like, oh. Get your shit, get your life together. Oh, hi loser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, morning piss head.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I do actually enjoy my whoop now, I have to say. Vogue, just back to your bandeau top.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, no, but I don't know if you're... Sorry? I can make them. Oh my God. With my machine that I don't have yet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
FYI, there are a white load of spoilers in today's episode. There are a white load of Season 3 spoilers in today's episode. So just be aware.
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I'm telling you, I'm buzzing about this and I just hope that I actually do it because I don't have a lot of faith in myself. I don't have a huge amount of follow through, but I really, really do hope that I do this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm just going to ring the Daily Mail again and make sure they got my call from earlier. I'm just making sure my emails are going through the Daily Mail.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
How dare you. The Pilates bed had to be moved to the spare room for space. And yes, now there are some boxes on it, but they're in great shape. They're very toned, the boxes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh, we're going there, are we? We're going, we're going there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
The Pilates bed is being stored underneath the Peloton.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, this is, we're both, are we allowed to talk about the house thing or no?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm now doing a very adult thing where I'm about to start looking to buy a home for myself, which I've never done before. I almost bought the apartment above mine was for sale and the guy came down and was like, it's for sale. Do you want to go look at it? And I was like, yeah, because I'm so lazy. I was like, I'll just fucking go through.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'll just go upstairs. But it wasn't actually very bright and I'm big into brightness. I want to basically live on the sun. Do you know what I mean? I want like light and brightness, but I am about to start the journey that I've heard is very stressful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And I've never done it before. Very exciting though. But I am excited to do it. Yes, I am excited to do it. And then once I have my new home, I will be doing Pilates 24-7, 28 days a week because I will have space for the bed. I've outgrown that flat now. I have too much shit. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
flat out will not accept that you used to live with us it's so funny we used to talk about this in the coached live tour where I was like Spencer I was like he genuinely I just kept out of his way and I was like I could still be there I'm so good at managing myself around him that he did not know I was there I thought he thought I was one of the nannies he's like there's an Irish woman downstairs a lot but I was like
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
walking around in his dressing gown smoking his cigars having a ball yeah you see you just keep out of their way and then they don't know I could still be living there you've wasted money on rent for the last two years I always read those stories there's always like do you ever read those stories seems to happen in China a lot where there's like a Chinese woman living in the wall of a house
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Listen to this. I read this today. Babysitter babysitting a kid. The kid's like, there's someone under my bed. There's someone, there's a ghost under my bed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah. And the babysitter, as they all do, standard practice. They get on their knees. They're like, look, there's no lift to the sheet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Let's make it clear. If we're going to go, if we're going to go there, there has been relentless press in the What's the nickname for the Daily Mail? The Faley Sale or something?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Speaking of belief systems. Yeah. Are you going to watch White Loudness or am I going to have to start a podcast with someone else?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
He has a very sad backstory. Apparently he left his wife, I saw somewhere, and he went to Thailand, actually. You kind of look a bit like him, if I'm allowed to say that. The way you just look to me there. Sorry? No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
He, like, I'm sorry. He's got a little recedo, but apparently, I find him incredibly attractive.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I have started the process of him falling in love with me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm actually only messing, I haven't. I haven't, I haven't, I haven't. So I'm obsessed with him too. This whole series, people were giving out that it's not as good as the one and two, but apparently this has had the biggest viewers, more than the first two series. The slow burn of it all, all the stuff, I mean, the press tour, I mean, it makes Wicked look amateur. They are everywhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And as we know, I sat beside Amy Lee Wood. We went for drinks after the Jonathan Ross show, as you know. And I'm like, who dies? Who dies? And she went, you don't want to know. And I was like, you're dead, right? I actually don't want to know. But my God, that woman stuck to her NDA. She gave me everything. I posted a photo of Parker Posey, she said, in an interview somewhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
They were asking her who's dead. And she said, I've actually forgotten who died. Oh, yeah, yeah. I love that. I think she was on her own balls out there. That's the vibe I get. But she's like, I've forgotten who died. And I posted a photo of it and said, iconic even in memory loss. And a woman came in. Oh! Thanks, Joanne. Spoiler, huh? I was like, what? I was like, no, no, no, she's not.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
She's not dead. I said, the final hasn't even come out yet. We didn't know. Yeah, I was like, I don't even know. That's not a spoiler. She's just in the show. If someone dies, we all know that. Anyway, fantastic TV. So good.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
already buzzing for season 4 I'm considering you know the way I don't self tape and I refuse to act and I'm offer only I'm offer only guys I'm not taping I am prepared to audition for White Loud of season 4 if Joanne gets it she's not actually allowed to do it without me just because we're a team we could be a team yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Like we had to wait a week. It really tested the, because we just don't have the attention span for that anymore. That's our 2002 TV experience. We don't watch TV like that anymore. So that was, the dripping was frustrating. But also I kind of looked, he edged us. He edged us.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, now that you're into your spirits and your ghosts, wouldn't it be great, you should pitch the episode where it's just all the dead people. So Jennifer Coolidge, Emily Lou, Walter, a kind of a ghosty, haunted White Lotus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I listened to the Carrie Coon monologue at the end where, and again, spoilers, sorry, I'm sorry. So if you haven't watched it yet, you know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Eject out. Carrie Coon, there's a monologue at the end, the three girls are sitting at the table and they're like, oh, we had a lovely time, we had a lovely time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And then Carrie Coon's character, I never remember any of their names, talks about how she's been really sad and that she's trying to figure out she's no belief system and that it was love and then it was kids and work and they didn't work and that she's like... we're in this life together and it seems it really matters that we're kind of witnessing each other's lives.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And I was, when I say, like it really, really touched me because I feel like that at times when you're with friends, you have to really prove your life choices and your life choices are very much magnified when you're in the presence of other people who've made different life choices. And I felt like that before.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh, yeah. Well, when he was over here, when we just had that little brief dalliance, he said he was fuming about Ferry. He said that was the straw that broke the camel's back, is watching you click-clack on that ad day in, day out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And then the next day I was listening to a podcast about the finale and they played the monologue. And I...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
It's so funny. Just to explain for anyone who doesn't know, Molly Malone is a statue of, well, a woman called Molly Malone in Dublin. She's the topic of a famous song about cockles and mussels. Apparently she used to sell fish in the market in Dublin years and years ago. And she's... made of like bronze, but she's wearing a low cut top. She looks fantastic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
She's putting on, as we'd say, a busty display, as we'd say today. She's putting on a busty display, not a laggy display. Her legs are fully covered. She's got a long skirt, but she's got a busty display. And it's become almost like kissing the Blarney Stone for luck. Taurus are coming over and they're rubbing her tits. Yeah. For photos.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And there has been a bit of damage to the bronze. And now people are saying that it's offensive and kind of basically Monty's now being kind of through the kind of Me Too lens and stuff and they're like, it's inappropriate to be grabbing her tits. Now, she is a statue. I don't know where people stand on this, but there's no talk of her getting a bouncer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Someone who will be like, enough of that now. Like at the school disco, if you kiss, the teacher will come up and kind of spit you up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, as problems in the world go, is it up there? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I just feel... She's dead, so we won't know about it. I can tell you this, though. If there was ever a statue made of me, rub away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I know. I just love the idea of this huge, big bouncer in a jacket with an earpiece standing beside Molly 24-7.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, they'll rub your arse. You've got a good arse, folk.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, you've squatted hard enough now. You deserve to have, you'll have a little arse robe, I'd say. But now, you're on, were you not on, were you, did they not draw your face onto the wall of Darndale Dart Station or something?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I've just... It was your photo, but it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
They drew murals on the wall. Who were they? Because Che Guevara was on it, and then you were beside Che Guevara. It was a lot to take in. It was a lot to make sense of. It was hard to process. Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Certainly now, with your contributions to communism, you certainly do deserve to be up there with Che Guevara. Oh! Nobody would have thought of Bear by Vogue. Oh, God. You'd have admired the business sense, I'm sure. Go full Moss on it. Never complain, never explain. Was that Kate Moss or the royal family? The British royal family. I'd say they robbed it from Moss.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Watching his jocks with Perso and he's like, that fucking bitch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Three thoughts in. You're like, that's enough out of this day now. Thank you. You shut up up there. Do you know how Woody Harrelson turned down the role of Sam Rockwell? The role that Sam Rockwell played in White Lotus.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do you know that Kate Hudson turned down the role of the Devil Wears Prada? No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And I had, oh my God, I read this thing the other day. It really made me laugh. Hold on, I'll get it. I read this. So it's always fun when you hear about a star turning down a role and then they kind of regret it. You know, it's a little bit of behind the scenes information. It's like kind of a bit of juice, but a tea.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Did you know James Gandolfini, James Gandolfini, from Sopranos, was briefly in talks for the role of Jack in Titanic. But producers felt his intense presence shifted the tone. One exec said, it stopped feeling like a tragic love story and started feeling like the iceberg out of money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
No, I know. I mean, if that's true or not, I don't know. It's the internet. God only knows. I've lost. I didn't understand. I'm the most gullible person in the world. I posted a photo of a mantis the other day, which, you know, in fairness, it was very exotic looking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
It turned out it was AI. I thought there was rules. I thought they had to identify it as AI. I thought that was the law. And I did a quick scope. And it was, I love a pop of color. It had all these like pink kind of feathers going out and stuff. People were like, I was like, I'm sorry. I just want to believe the world. Do you know...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I thought it had to be labelled AI. I thought that was the real, I thought that was the law. Anyway, I no longer trust myself. So James Gandolfini might have had nothing to ever do with the Titanic. Fake news probably. Who cares? It's fun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Didn't make the cut. Who's telling the stories, Vogue? It's not me, she says, driving off in her Ferrari. Yeah. Joanne. Joanne McNally closes deal on $3 billion house in New York City. Folk, I don't know what you're talking about, okay?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Please do. And if you could pull me up the Empire State Building as well, that'd be great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Today's my last day in New York and I could go to the Empire State Building or go to Ellis Island or I'm on Canals to where they sell the fake handbags. So you can, that's clearly where I'm going to go. I'm off to get myself a load of fake Louie's.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
We have to get a thrill somewhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm reading this thread, this Twitter thread about name a celebrity that has blocked you and why. And they're so funny. If anyone else would like to contribute and email us in with the celebrity that's blocked them and why. I've blocked it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
we're in touch for mental peace yeah but if a celebrity has blocked you and why please email in the email address is hello at mtgmpod.com we'd love to hear them how do I find out who I've been blocked by or can I I don't think you can I guess it's only if you have to just go through every celebrity in the world and see if they come up for your Insta.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Pinafile starts next Saturday. The day has finally come. And I'm so glad I did this run of shows in Brooklyn as well. It's been so much fun. And your tour, your book tour.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
All my tickets are on sale at joannmcnally.com and I have European dates and UK, Ireland, all over, everywhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'll have to call you back, Carol. It's gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I mean, I'm sorry now. Call me sexist if you wish. Call me everything you want in the world. But show me a household where it's not the women doing most of the chores. In a straight household with a man and a woman. Show me it. Show me it. I was talking to a female doctor, whatever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm dialing in from New York. This is like the Eurovision. Where are you coming in from, Vogue?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And we were talking about kids and I was talking about maybe wanting, like I would, you know, I do kind of have it in my head that I will pop out a kid at some stage.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, if it's a boy, I'll sell it on Etsy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sure I'm going to like being pregnant either, to be honest. So I might quit halfway through.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Imagine me. Imagine. Imagine how hydrated I'd be if I was off the booth for nine months.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
It's just like the body doesn't store fat anymore. It just stores water like a cucumber.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm just like leaking water. I used to say in stand-up that I looked like Cara Delevingne if she drowned at sea and then her body kind of resurfaced about three weeks later and it was all full of gas and everything. And you know, before they stabbed the body and let all the gas out. Have you ever seen them do that with the whales on the beach?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Thank you. I have had time to think about it myself. Thank you. But I was talking to this female doctor about it and I was saying my concern is doing it on your own, you know, like I would be doing it on my own. I accept at this point, you know, I would be doing it on my own. And she looked me dead in the eyes. She is a mother of... Five.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
She looked me dead in the eye and said to me, it doesn't matter if you've got a partner. She said, as a woman, you're doing, she said, you'll be doing it on your own anyway. And I was like, wow, that's sobering.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Yeah. It takes me three hours to leave the house in the morning, so I don't know if I'd make it over to St. Barts, but thank you for the invitation.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Like you can't deny a maternal instinct.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You have a very maternal instinct. You do. You try to mother me at times. I know, I love doing it to everybody. Anyone will let me. You are a mother. My concern is I would do it. I would have the tiny girl, the mini me. The buzz of dressing her would wear off after six months. And then I'd be like, what happens? What do I do with her now? I'll have her. I'm sorry. I'll have all the babies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I want to have 100 kids. I'm like, with the touring and all, what happens to the mini me? What do I do with her?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You'd have to be glad with her because no one else would take her for that length of time. You're the only one with enough staff. According to the Daily Mail, you've 19 nannies. Surely one of them can look after the mini-me. Otherwise, I'm going to have to get her to open the show. Okay, by the time you turn three, you're going to need a solid 15 minutes because you're coming on the road at mummy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
OK, firstly, let us start the podcast by saying we can only apologise once again. We forgot to mention we were going on our holidays and just dropped the podcast with no warning that we were going to be gone for two weeks, which is unprofessional and unacceptable. And it's obviously we can't even blame Joe, really, because he's not around. He's still on parental leave.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You managed to do it in six months. The baby can do it. 100%.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Oh, well, let's see. OK, so basically I had, as we know, I am left alone by press, certainly in the UK. I've never really kind of tipped into that whole world.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm in that sweet spot where no one gives a shit. It's actually a really lovely place to be. Because I had a pile on from the internet last summer and it's not something I would ever like to experience again. When the internet comes at you, it's horrible. We're not equipped to have that much hate from that many people. We're supposed to be living in a fucking cave. Do you know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
With the watering can, hunting and gathering. It's not our... It's not how we're equipped. It's horrible. Anyway, I open my Insta app and I'm in the Irish Times. I'm not in the paper, actually, on the Instagram account about our tour money and tax returns and all the shit that I don't even understand myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Even having read the article, I'm still not entirely sure about my finances, to be totally honest. But I was like... Of course, I thought something terrible had happened. I thought it was like, I don't know. I thought I was going to prison or there was, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know, understand at all. I read, scan, read it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And I then thought I was going to just get loads of abuse. I don't know why. I just, I was triggered, as they'd say, as the young'uns would say. And I thought there were, it was all going to be this, like the way that, you know, the way everyone accuses you of not having a real job. I thought it was going to be all that. Like, fucking now you're fighting cancer and all that shit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I thought the incels were going to come in or whatever. And actually, they were so nice about it. And there was lots of people riding underneath going, how the fuck is that any of your business? Like, it's so, it's never happened to me before. I didn't realise it was a thing. I understand now it is a thing because your accounts are public online. But I didn't even know what my brother earns.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I wouldn't even ask my brother what he earns.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I was on the Volumes. I was on my own on the Volumes in LA. And I was at the start trying to interact with everyone because I felt I was, you know, you forget. You just can't do that. You just can't do that now. Like, it's just not, you just can't sit there replying to everyone individually trying to like, defend your character. You know, you just can't do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
So you just have to kind of let it, let the wave ride over you. But fuck me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
You are like Teflon. You are fucking bulletproof. And I think people might assume that I'm stronger than I am sometimes. You're not able for it, definitely not. But I'm not. I'm actually not. I have a very nervous disposition. And a very overactive nervous system, which I've spoken about regularly. And, you know, the human condition is you want to be liked.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Joe's usually, he's the father figure. He kind of reminds us of stuff like that. So we're very sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Like, you don't want people coming at you telling you you're a horrible geebag of a person. Like, it's horrible. Do you know what I was actually listening to?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Do you know, I feel sorry for the most my mother, because when stuff like that happens, my mom gets really upset.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
She's like, they don't know you, Joanne. They're your character. So I actually feel worse for Pat. There was an episode of How to Fail with Jonathan Van Ness.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
recently was a really good ep and he actually was talking about kind of public pylons and he had a Rolling Stone article written about him about a year ago which I actually wasn't aware of and it just went through him and said he was like an absolute someone that he worked with on Queer Eye basically ratted him out as a kind of narcissistic unbearable monster and he said it was just devastating the whole experience was devastating and he was talking about you know and Elizabeth Day was discussing it as well how we are all human like we're all
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
multifaceted human beings who, you know, lose their temper at times or do snap or whatever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
He was saying like, you know, if this person had wanted to repair the relationship with him, he could have contacted him directly, but he didn't. He went to the Rolling Stone magazine and he said like the pylon, he said, was life-changingly devastating. But he did actually say, which I thought was very interesting about it,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
if all your validation comes from external sources like social media, Instagram, whatever it is, and then when that goes, basically he was like, he had to learn how to, you know, internally validate himself. I've heard Anne Hathaway say that as well, but remember where everyone turned on Anne Hathaway for a while?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Anne was saying, she's like, I had to do so much therapy on myself. I love how I'm going there. Anne, like we're confidants and personal friends. She was saying, I had to do so much work on myself because if that ever happens again, I can't believe it. She said, when that happened, I believed that I was this terrible person they were telling me. And then I had to do all this therapy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
And now she's like, I believe in myself. I know I'm a good person. And so if they ever, if the internet ever turns on me again, I'll be ready. You know, I've learned how to validate myself. It was a lovely lesson. Namaste.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
Well, I have been doing work in progress shows in Brooklyn. I'm back in Manhattan now, once again, haunting the halls. At this point, it's like, it's not even funny anymore. I cannot stop. Like strangers in the lift. I used to work here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Self Validation, Sewing & The White Lotus
I'm in with the housekeeping staff and like, I was you, you know. I did this job, yeah. I was in that exact penny. I said, I bet you have a couple of the bedtime chocolates in your apron, do you? She's like, I do. I said, yeah, I know because I used to work here.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I've just bought some Scrabble and Jenga to try and keep a lid on things, but I have a feeling they're not going to have any interest in any of that. I actually... Uno? Guys, you want to play some Uno? Guys? Where are you going? Guys, guys!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I know. I think we're going to be hitting the gay scene pretty long and hard next week when the guys get here. But you know what I was thinking, right? I mean, it's this really nice house. Do you reckon that they put cameras in Airbnbs? Like, if you had an Airbnb, do you reckon you'd put a camera? Like, I'm trying to behave like I'm being watched.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
But so I'm like, when the gays get here, I'm like, if we want to do anything, it's going to have to be in the shed. Like, anything brave has to go into the shed. We're all going to be in there doing ketamine and getting ridden in the shed, all of us. Like, I just, I wouldn't do anything in the house. I'm just too nervous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
If you like Mary Poppins handbag, there'd be like 16 people coming out of the shed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Would you not just have a sneaky little, like people put nanny cams in teddy bears. People do it. If I had a stranger in my house. That's nasty nannies. If I had a stranger in my house for two weeks, I mean, would I accidentally leave a recording device around? Maybe. Maybe. I have them all from that Furby podcast.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Are you sure, Vogue? I just... feel like i'd be judged how long how many people would you say is an appropriate amount i'd say maximum 12 but only because i know the size of the living room it's a long room it seems like a waste i might pop over will i pop over yeah with the mate that size we'd love to have you You could centipede yourself. Do a whole wraparound. Eat your own ass out. Be great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Yeah, I thought that. Even though I knew I left when I heard the news. I was like, oh, they're probably getting divorced.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Take the heat off the rest of us. Be like, no, Vogue's happy they're in the corner all around. Don't worry about it. She's like Prince. She's had her rib removed. Oh, God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Very long flight to pleasure yourself in the corner, Vogue. I mean, you could have done that for free in London, but anyway. I like to have a peep at what you guys are doing. She just loves to travel. She loves to see a home. She's big into property now. Oh, stop. I did wonder, do you think that I can be depraved in the house rather than take it all to the shed?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
You can do whatever you want in the house. No one's going to know. Right, because there's a jar of mayonnaise in the main fridge that I haven't been too scared to touch, but I think I might dip the fingers in that. I've been sniffing around it for a while because I don't sell it down the town.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Going for nice walks, writing, reading. Don't really know. I go for lunch, obviously. There's a gym down the road. I'm doing a bit of gymming. I've done some running. As you know, I'm a fierce runner now. Fierce runner. Did you take the old, the backpack thing that you harness? I do. I do. Well, I didn't since you shamed me out of it, folk. No, I haven't actually. I've been harness free.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I'd say you feel great about it. For a year now, actually. I have a friend who lives down the road. I've been meeting him for lunch, having some wines. I'm off to Tabletop Mountain tomorrow. Like, I'm kind of just filling my time. But you know what I am going to do? And I'm sorry, but I'm saying it now. To the Penguin Beach. Oh, no, obviously I have to go to the Penguin Beach. Sorry, not sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And I think this is as integral to a solo person's holiday as pepper spray and a taser gun.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Sorry. Sorry. But just because I'm not in a relationship, why should my photography suffer? Why? At the moment, all my selfies are just me, my head up close with very little background in it. And I just don't think I should be punished.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I only have a normal length arm, folk. I don't have one of your arms.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I've already got a Keptan hat and a Keptan top. Oh, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
In the Alps? Skiing. In the Alps. In the Alps. But do you know what? Yes. Thirsty. But we respect you for it. You're brazenly thirsty. You're beep-beepin' in the snow. And as well, because you're in the Alps, I'd say that lad has seen content being made. You know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Oh, the tan would be coming off in the snow and be messy. Not Bear by Vogue, actually.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Sorry, speaking of Bear by Vogue, I forgot one of the most important parts of my luggage. It's basically up there at my passport. What? My tanning mitt, which means, try and find a tanning mitt in Kipton. They're not a big thing over here. So, no one has to paint themselves brown over here because there's a sun in the sky, right? I've been using all sorts. I look like a speckled horse.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I've been using sponges, tea towels, face cloths. And then between that and obviously I did the sunburn strategy where I just went out and burnt the tits off myself on the first day, which I'm just going to kind of let go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
you know don't do that that is not a don't you're just gonna peel now you're just gonna peel and then you're gonna look like you're gonna look like an old witch when you come home it's so uneven do you know when someone i look like i've thrown myself in front of a flame torch no what are they called i look like i put this tan in the sprinklers and then just like danced did like a kind of a inspirational dance in front of like a movement to music don't tell anyone what you're wearing
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Yeah, of course. Saint-Tropez. Yeah, let's throw Saint-Tropez under the bus. Yeah, those cowboys. Yeah. Anyway, I guess I won't get a selfie stick down. I guess it'll just be my head. I just feel... Do you know what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I do want one, but I'm worried. I'm worried about the stigma. I'll be honest. You should. I wouldn't use any of the gay friends you have. This is why people get married. So they don't have the shame of a selfie stick. Do you know what I mean? This is why I should have sorted out my love life before I came away. And now I have to embarrass myself with a selfie stick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally, and my co-host and work wife, Bo Williams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
If everyone says so, should we? Well, I just, the reality is he could be divorcing you and we just don't know yet. Maybe this is his, this is his kind of slow, backward, out of the marriage. He's cutting off professional ties. And then eventually he'll wake up one day, all his shit is gone. And he's living in the Cotswolds.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
yeah with me and the stick and you know i'll fucking i'll have it i'll have it last within four hours so it's not like it's gonna stay i'll get some great photos and then i'll just it'll fall off a wall or something or i'll just come here to me on the bonnet of a car yeah we never discussed the fact that you got the water bottle back from new york how did that happen it came back is it still around
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
See, Joe, you don't watch my stories and this is the gold you're missing, mate. The gold you're missing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
You should. It's your professional job to know all my thoughts. Basically, I contacted Fitzpatrick's Hotel New York because I left my Adidas jumpsuit there that we wore for our New York shows. And he was like, there's also, would you believe, he goes, you've left a water bottle there. And I was like, shut up. He's like, yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
So the manager of Fitzpatrick's hotel was flying back to Ireland for Christmas. Shut up. And they said, would you like him to bring it back to Ireland for you? And I said, as a matter of urgency, yes, I would. In fact, I'd like him to fly home earlier than planned. So I was like, I'm reunited with my water bottle. Anyway, he flew it back. It flew back first class, I'm assuming.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Exactly. And I did say, would you drop it to my mum? So they said, Joanne, that's too much. Is it fair? So they brought it back to Fitzpatrick's castle at Killiney where I went to collect it. And it's now in my apartment in Clapham Common. That water bottle has lived. I know. I know. I was thrilled to see it again. And I felt like it was thrilled to see me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I know. Yeah, it just goes to show good things happen to good people, you know. Just put enough good in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I'd say if that water bottle could talk, they're like, you bitch. You ripped me out of Manhattan to sit me in a kitchen, yeah, in a kitchen cupboard in Clapham. It was living its best life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
This is very dining on the streets of Paris prices. I was like, how?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I don't know who Gary Neville is. I'll have to Google.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Oh, God. Yes! Yeah, there he is. Very handsome man.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
parler français and I'm like oh listen to how loud his voice has gotten so Gary knows that Spencer's fluent in French anyway it's his party it's his party trick isn't it it's his party trick it's like if I was there I would have immediately squashed my nose flat so that Gary would have seen that I have no cartilage as a conversation starter or you would have just started losing all your stuff it is a party trick of yours as well or broken into stand up potentially something like that that would be the last thing you would do
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Have you ever ridden a bald log, Gary? It's like riding a grape. Yeah. The old classics. Laid to my mum's attic for years. Read a journal. Yeah, yeah. The girls call me Joanne Frank. Just complete silence.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
anyway we ended up having a small conversation with them but I was honestly like please I can't go through this forever whenever there's a sniff of a famous person well do you know what I'd say Spencer as well because Spencer is also famous in his own right that I'd say he's kind of giving it the like from one famous person to another nod as opposed to a non-famous person saying hi to a famous person Spencer's like well I don't know I'm a fucking bit famous myself here Gary probably knows me
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
This is what happened to Betty Broderick. When she tried to divorce Dan Broderick before she killed him. Oh my God. Dan Broderick. You know, you know, Betty, you know, Betty Broderick is in prison for killing her husband and his new wife. Oh, my God. There's so many of them that do that, though. Betty's iconic. Betty was like kind of I mean, I shouldn't call it an act of feminism, but.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Thank you. Thank you. Speaking of David Backham, a little news about Victoria Backham. It was announced...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
announced huge news this week huge news Victoria Beckham guess how much Victoria Beckham made on royalties from singing with Spice Girls this year alone now considering she hasn't signed with them in a long time and I don't think Victoria will mind me saying this she barely ever signed with them let's be honest she says it herself
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Right. So guess what she made last year in royalties? A million quid. Yeah. Bang on the button, Vogue. Bang on the button. Yeah. There you go. And do you know what it made me think? You need to really hammer down on good girls. If you... You need to start making more royalties off that. She's making a million quid. And I'm not being bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Victoria Beckham, I don't know if people respect the hustle in that woman as much as she deserves. Like, she was like, she could never sing. Like, that's like me getting royalties from my physics career that I had nine years ago. I can't do physics. But she's just a smart business bitch. She just hustled her way into a band. She's like, yeah, fuck it, I'll give it a go.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And now she's making a million in royalties just...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Her clothes are too pricey for me. They're too expensive. Like she's, it's like, it's high end fashion, which of course we expect nothing else. And I think they're very pretty.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Fab, that's ideal. I was actually in London walking around recently, because obviously that's where I live, and there was a woman in front of me with a giant, I mean, this thing was the size of a Mini Cooper, one of those huge, big, white oligarch hats. It was crazy. It was quite the spectacle.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
that one's very reserved in comparison I think go for it yeah well mine was like mine was 80 quid hers was probably 500 quid yeah yeah yeah no this was like this was straight out of Moscow this was like High end.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
So, well, that's where I'm headed is what you're suggesting. Well, Betty Broderick, her husband. There's a great series on Netflix called Dirty John with Amanda and.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Great people watching. The crufts of rich people. You just sit around watching rich people. Love it. Lifting up each other's tiles. Sniffing around seeing who's got more cash. I love it. I'd fucking love a day there. That'd be great. Great people watching there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
what would we wear i have an apology to make i have an apology i i spread i accept i accept i spread i spread some false information of late and i'd like to hold my hand up and say it was fake news and i apologize for my part in seminating it what what If you'll know, recently I relayed the story about a man who bought what he believed to be a Faberge egg off the internet for £59.99.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And when it arrived, it was a potato with some plastic diamond earrings stuck in it. Now, there was a couple of, what would we say... It's herrings. Sorry, there was a couple of red herrings. No, apparently it is not true. There's a couple of red herrings to the story. Firstly, the couple, he was called Tim Smackham, Tim... Felter Snatch. Felter Snatch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Felter Snatch. And do you remember I was trying to find the story? I was like, it's so weird. It's only on, why is it only on Facebook? yeah because it's not real anyway I totally fell for it turns out it wasn't true at all because that's how gullible I am I believe everything I read and that's why it's no wonder I fucking thought 9-11 was an inside job for about five years so I can only apologize
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
and Christian Slater you know Christian Slater I think is in it I love him it's Christian Slater and it's really really good and Amanda Peete's unreal I actually think about it in my spare time I actually watched it twice which I don't do unless something's very You never told us about this on the pod which is unusual now to have seen something so good and not told us It was about two years ago.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
It's a sad state of affairs when you can't believe things you read on spoofnews.com. That's what I say. Do you know what I say though? It's a very sad state of affairs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
We'll put you on a court. An AI court.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I won't bring it back. I promise I won't. I'll, yeah, I won't. What will I do with it? Throw it into the sea.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I might've not, we might've not been even doing the pod when I first watched it. I think I watched it during lockdown. Betty Broderick was going out with this high flying solicitor and he left her for another woman. And there was what we'd call now a lot of gaslighting going on and she had never worked and she just raised their kids.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
so he was married they were married oh yeah they were very much married and she was very much kind of you know the good wife domestic goddess all that stuff looked after him basically raised her husband got him like she went out working while he went back to law school did his bar exam like all that stuff he was a lawyer so anyway he's like gaslighting Betty so she doesn't have time to get her affairs in order
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And he's getting his affairs in order. And then he comes home one day, slaps her with the divorce. He's like, I'm taking, he's like, you can have the house. I'm taking everything else. I'm taking the kids. He's like, I'll get full custody. And like that, no one would touch her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
No lawyer would work with her because he was like this big man, like, you know, kind of a big member of the lawyering community. Very high up, very well respected. So no one would touch him. So very similar to what's about to happen to you, Vogue. You need to get in. You need to get in ahead. Do you know what I'm doing tomorrow? I'm bringing every single divorce lawyer in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
You're getting a divorce. Let's get this show on the road. Let's nip this inevitable bud in the ass.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
What do I get in this divorce? Can I get the peloton? No way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I'll get the towels. I love those towels.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
They are the cuisine of the holiday, Gower, are they not?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I was out with my auntie Sharon. Let's move this divorce along. I have an event in a month's time. I could really do with that box. Particularly the top hat that he's popped in there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
It's just, you're just shopping at this stage. Yeah, just shopping. It's like a death auction. So no one would work with Betty and Dan Broderick dragged her through the courts. And if you watch the Netflix series, which obviously, as I said, I watched twice.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
kind of ruined her life what's it called now I'm gonna I'm gonna watch that so the series is called Dirty John and under that umbrella they make shows about men who fucked women over basically so obviously I'm all of like a rat of a drain pipe I watch them all there's one called Dirty Pop Dirty John there we go okay Anyway, Betty flips out, has a complete nervous breakdown.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
He marries his 21-year-old secretary.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Steals, takes the children, leaves Betty with absolutely nothing and like a small amount of money. Because he wants the love. Once someone's out, they're out. They're like a complete stranger to you now. And she's just a hassle to him now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
You're mentally out. Yeah. You see? Betty finally completely cracks. At one point, she drove her car into the front of his new house. She gets then taken off. She gets sectioned. She gets released. She has absolutely lost her mind. And watching the show, you can't help but... You're kind of Team Betty. You know? Anyway, look, I know that's a controversial thing to say. So what happened?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
She shot him. So anyway, she drives over in the middle of the night. She just absolutely fucking cracks. He did something. I can't remember what he did. He did something to her. It was like the last thing he did to her. And she drove over in the middle of the night, walked into his house, walked up to his bed with him and his new wife asleep and shot the two of them. Dead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Hmm. I thought bugle. Oh, yeah. The horned crisp. I know them well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Talk to me in a month's time. no okay we would like to clear that up I uh I have no intentions yeah say no now so you can you can claim um mental incapacitation when it does happen I mean we all want to be feminist and not blame the wife but if she's in the bed beside him maybe another bullet to go you're like fucking obviously I'm joking I'm joking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
let's just split up and not like we didn't no one took anything off the other person which is a good way to be and plus we didn't have kids so it was a lot easier to where I didn't own a house by then so well this this is like it's just one of those awful like you've given your whole life to this man you've financially supported him when he needed to you've raised his kids like he's out working all the time you're you're home making you're making homes beds dinners looking after him raising him like he's a giant baby
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
And then just like that, 21-year-old wife, and you are out. I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Just in case you haven't come to that conclusion yourself. Yeah, Betty. Yeah, can't be shooting people. Sorry, speaking of women in prison. We'd like to offer our congratulations to Gypsy Rose Blanchard, who has given birth to a baby called Aurora with pretty much her seventh fella since she's got out of prison.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
That's my girls. How clever of you. Horned crisp. Indeed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
That girl has done more since she got out of prison than I've done in my 41 years of living. It's actually made me think about knocking Pat off myself so I can get sent away and then come back out all guns blazing. And I honestly think if Pat thought it would make me have a baby, she'd probably take the killing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
well to be honest with you Gypsy Rose has a lot of making up to do time wise because she waited all that time in prison exactly this is the thing you need to have a bit of sense of urgency about your life to really live it to the full I'm taking the piss because of all this free time and I'm not in prison so I'm just if Pat thought I'd have a baby I'd say she'd pass me the hammer herself she'd be like do you want the softest bit of my head is at the back here the softest bit of my head is at the back come on love if this is what it's going to take you never finish anything
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Well, you're just more physically relaxed than usual. I mean, you're giving bedtime vibes, which are the vibes I give all the time. So when I see you giving physically relaxed vibes, I'm like, oh, she must not know we're recording.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
But, like, basically... Like, A3691284 with a Manchester United flag. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I love the idea of Theodore just buzzing over by himself for a scuba party.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Fake news. Where is the dust? You should contact Joe Lysa. You can contact his consumer program. I think you'd get great traction. I think I'd subscribe to the Daily Mail if you did that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
oh my god sometimes this like firstly it's hardly like you scaled the wall in your armbands with your child and like fucking broke in do you know what i mean like you're clearly there half legitimately you know and also no one was even at the pool do you think i give a shit if someone was you like i have a lift in our building it's not like i'm looking like i'm not checking the electrics on it and seeing who's riding the lift who shouldn't be riding the lift
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
I wouldn't care. People care about all sorts of shit. I don't know. Because there's a difference. There's like trolling. There's trolls who are the like full-time trolls who like get up every day and they troll like professionally. They just troll. Like that's their thing. Like, you know, they'll like call you like a fat c*** or whatever. Like, you know, you're funnier than cancer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Mine's worse. Well, do you know what? I'm actually just throwing that out there. It's ages since I've been called a fat c***. I miss it, frankly. I could do with the fresh, some fresh GMs. I'm in Cape Town, which may I say that Cape Town, the accent is so addictive. I can't stop doing it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Cape Town, Petty Neighbours & The Alps
Cape Town, it's like it's really clipped. It's really clipped. Clipped. It's really clipped. I'm in Cape Town. Oh my God, this is... Stunning. Like it's stunning. But I'm in an Airbnb alone. I have three gay men coming out to join me next week, so I'm absolutely fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I wouldn't fight with her either though. The more I read of it, I'm like, George, I think you're divorced and you just don't know it. They don't live, they don't even live in the same city anymore.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He did some opening play or something the other night. She wasn't there. They were like, where's Amal? And he's like, she's like, oh, she's with the, she's minding the kids. Now, a babysitter's 50 quid. I think they have the cash. I think she's just changed her number and moved away. That's why they don't fight. They don't speak. I think, George, you're divorced and you just don't know it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
This is exactly like when Kelsey Grammar left Camille Grammar. And we all watched it play out on Housewives of Beverly Hills and Camille didn't realise Kelsey was leaving her. As he reversed down the driveway I'll never forget it and took the role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why he got her on the show to distract her from the fact he was actually leaving her for another woman.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And then he went to do a play in New York and he reversed it. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it. I watched the episode. And it's only in hindsight she was like, that was him leaving me. And then she went to visit him in New York as a surprise, which we know how that ends. And she went to the door of the building he was staying in and the doorman was like, I'm sorry, you can't come in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
People were like, Joanne, you shouldn't be wearing them on a walk. They're running runners. Joanne, you should only be wearing them. They'll be bad for your feet. I ran to Vogue's. Let the record show. I ran at speed in my flyaways, whatever they're called. She was quick. To Vogue's. And that's why, as I've explained, I do a bit of running now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And she said, my husband's there. I'm Mrs. Grammar. And he said, I quote, you can't be Mrs. Grammar because Mrs. Grammar is already up there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
My guardian angel, Esther Perel, who was the queen of talking about relationships, she says the key to a relationship is rip and repair, rip and repair. You rip and repair and you get closer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
that sounds really that sounds really depressing rip and repair rip and repair rip and repair all relationships friends romantic relationships they all benefit from ripping and repairing because when you rip and repair you kind of get stuff out in the open that needs to get out in the open and then you heal together rip and repair so George it's time to start ripping with the mall and repairing with the mall that's my advice to George if he listens
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Do you know what I think? I think the word nanny is very triggering to people. Childcare seems to be fine and expected, but nanny, there's, it's, it's, it's, I think it's, it comes with a lot of, there's a lot of privilege with the word nanny and it bothers people. The word nanny bothers people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I know well we see we made it up we just ate them out of house and home so they were about 60 grand down really by the end of the night we'd eat everything on Sky everything yeah yeah yeah and if the snacks weren't good we couldn't promise we'd look after the kids that well to be honest
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Maybe I won't close the baby gate if there's any one flavour of crisp.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Smoky bacon, but staying open. Tough luck. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you'd spread the word around the estate. There's shit snacks in that house. And then kids are raising themselves because no one's going to help you raise those kids now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And because I like to throw money at problems, I decided to speed up my running by wearing little Fiat Puntos on my feet, which is what those bouncy yellow things are. I swear to God, if I was walking around Battersea Park with a tennis racket, I'd be getting messages going, Joanne, you know that's not for serving drinks. That's for... That's for Tannis.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You were the substitute babysitter. You know when the substitute teacher comes in and everyone's like... Here we go. Let the abuse begin. I never went back. Because they're not the real one, you know. So, you know, you can completely take the place and you change your names and all and you think you're absolutely hilarious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
A woman that I used to babysit for actually only messaged me the other day because I'm doing these shows in Dubai and she messaged to say that the child that I used to babysit is living in Dubai with his girlfriend now. We're getting older. You're like that child that I breastfed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I don't understand. He's just a very, he hyper focuses on other things, perhaps.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'm finished on the royal throne. Could someone please assist? Folks just like what happens now? Am I supposed to do this with myself? I don't think so. Get one of the babysitters in please Theodore. Send me one of the babysitters. I do think there's an argument for spicing up the intro. I say it all the time. Do it. Do it live. Go now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah. If I have this child that I keep threatening to have. Yeah. I won't be able to record the podcast in the flat because there'll be so much noise from all the help I'm going to have. I will have babysitter after babysitter after babysitter.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You couldn't help yourself, could you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You couldn't help yourself. Just always reminding people I'm not using the Pilates bed. You just wait. You just wait until I buy this house and have this baby because then I will really not use that Pilates bed. You wait.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
you wait you wait till you see what it's really like to knock yourself out it's bad it'll be in a skip I'm only joking in fact so I've never done I've all these ideas about what I want and she will see she will see if any of it comes to very exciting though very exciting I'm going to move beside you and clap them now you're not to go anywhere because I'm going to start looking and clapping I'm going to move beside you I'm telling you that we need to set up some sort of I'm getting I want to encourage everyone to come here and then we set up some sort of golden girls retirement complex in and around the local area if we all stay local
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
That's actually a really good idea. Yeah, we can all grow well together and help each other. And I do say that because if I don't have this stardom threatening, I am going to need help.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
They were like, come on, we'll all split the cost. Are you serious? So was it, did they take the yacht out themselves or did the yacht company try and get all the influencers on for half price?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I thought they were just into cars. Oh. Oh my God, there's a banging nanny off this now. Go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Oh my God. It's all very, it's like, do you know what's so funny? Because they're influencers and post people have such an issue with them. Like that's, that could have been the next Titanic. Yeah. Everyone's rolling their eyes because it's influencers. If they were like elderly people, it'd be like headline news. Everyone would be feeling sorry for them because it's influencers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
They get a terrible time. They really annoy people.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's quite the collab, isn't it? Maybe it was, was it like stealth marketing from some sort of life jacket company or something? Are we really getting the whole story here?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
stop touching sharks because they're in the water and they're going like in the water with the sharks and they keep just grabbing them and then there's all these shark attacks and the sharks are like biting their back and they just keep touching the sharks I know why the yacht's like that's 30 BBLs in one place so that's probably about 60,000 over the weight it's supposed to be do they all survive I assume I should have asked that before I start slagging them off do they survive
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
No, actually, Joanne, only a third survived.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's like that Tommy Bo clip about the 12 siblings. Did you see this, Jo? Oh, my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Hang on, because we can get the audio. Jo, or Vogue, you explain that bit.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I didn't even... People who say today's news stories are tomorrow's chip paper are full of shit. You don't... These stories stay forever and ever and ever. The internet never forgets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I said boo. I hate live telly. I don't know why it exists. Oh, by the way, sorry. Firstly, I want to say it's Seamus O'Reilly's book. Actually, Robbie mentioned him. I should say it's really good. I actually interviewed him at a book festival.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
around the time he was promoting around the time this Tommy thing happened his book's called I Heard Mammy Died or Mammy Died or something about his mother dying oh I think I've read that book it was it's a really really it's a great book
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You're nervous. I can imagine. It's a lot of yourself to put out there, you know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
We'll just have a one. We can put on a weekly corrections corner on the podcast for anything that's taken out of context. I'd really appreciate that. Set the record straight with myself and Jo.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Thank you. And I'm hoping you've included my many sex scandals. Oh God, that's all the book's about. Thank you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Hold on a second. So they're still getting euthanized. It's just taking longer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, he's going to like turn over the judicial system in 72 hours. Yeah, possibly. I mean, I'm always up for delaying death. So congratulations to everyone involved in Peanuts Law. When you said Peanuts back, I thought, I thought, I forgot he died and thought, I thought we'd brought Peanut back from prison or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He was very pleased when he saw my shoes, my flyaways. What are they called?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You're like, they resuscitated Peanut. I was like, oh my God, such a good news story. Still dead. Still dead. Still dead. So he's not back, though. This is very misleading.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You reminded me about Lorraine when you were saying you were on Lorraine Kelly. She's so funny. She was in, I was reading something she was saying the other day. She was online saying she was going in for a wee procedure. So obviously, the way she just makes light of everything. She's like, I'm going in for a wee procedure. She's basically having her entire insides taken out and put back in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, wee procedure sounds like you have like an ingrown nail or something. She's like, I'm having a wee procedure. I'm having my entire insides taken out and put back in. It's not wee. That's a big procedure, Lorraine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
How's she looking? Does she look like her insides are back in?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Nothing a sheet mask won't fit, even if they leave the insides out. A sheet mask actually does a lot. I put on one last night. Get on that Korean skincare. Nothing a sheet mask won't fix. Lorraine, banging as always. I just love it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
There's people who will over-dramatize the smallest of things in their lives. And then there's people like Lorraine who could literally be having a face transplant and call it a wee procedure.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I love both types of people. I find them both entertaining.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
The hospital bed selfies? I don't know, just so I mean. Or the photos of the hospital, the bracelets that they put on with sites telling you what they're in for. It's the bracelets. That to me now, there's a bang and munchy housing syndrome of that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Ultra flies. Excuse me. Slagging me because I said... Ultra flies. You're slagging me for saying flyknits. You said flyaways. Flyaways, yeah. That's the hair. That's the... One of the girls I married for a site has vicious flyaways. All I want to do is lick my fingers and pat her hair down. Sorry. Sorry. Ultra flies, ultra flies. There's great proportion in them, Vogue. Great proportion.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Amber's not scared of a bit of attention now, let's be honest. And that's coming from two huge thirst buckets.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Everyone loves me and Joe. And Demure Deirdre in the corner there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Everyone, look, it's actually unfair to criticise people. for wanting attention. Everyone wants attention. Attention is lovely. Someone actually... The right kind of attention.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, yeah. I can understand why you're nervous. I would be nervous, too, putting out... It's your personal life. You're putting a lot out there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Great, well, I will be sending them on as soon as I get them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I'm like, Vogue! You're like, Joanne, that's not even about the book. That's the fucking plane seat again. Oh, yeah, sorry. Just anything negative, I'm just sending on to see it, you know, just so you're aware.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You're like, Joanne, what does she even do? I had some people rotting you out for saying banker.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
you know yeah you have to it's promotion you have like I have to do it with the show like it's you have to promote your work you have to to encourage people to come you have to go look this person liked it I'm hoping you will too it's kind of part of the gig
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I sometimes have to check myself and be like, I'm always, there's a boundary, there's a personal kind of ick that you have to overcome to promote yourself. Ah, yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's like a barrier that you have to kind of get over. And then once you're over it, you have to make sure that you're still doing it in a tasteful, dignified way. And you're not kind of overdoing it. And I sometimes have to go, I check myself, like, am I overdoing it here? Or am I underdoing it? Am I selling it enough? Because I'm so scared to overdo it. Do you know what I mean?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
It's very hard to get it right and you'll never please everyone as we always say Vogue. Robbie Williams has moved in to art. Oh yes. And I mean music is art but he's moved into doodles. He is being exhibited in galleries. And it's so funny. He basically is like, I've finished music. I'm over it. So I've moved into art.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
But they're like, so how long does it take? He's like, no time at all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
oh stop he's like no time he's like I'm banging it so basically it's kind of sayings and then he kind of doodles around it you know like I was mentally ill before it was cool stuff like that and he doodles around it but I was reading about it and I was kind of laughing not at Robbie I'm a big Robbie fan I love him but it's the frustration but it's it just is what it is because art is so subjective if people want to buy Robbie Williams art they want to buy Robbie Williams art you know what I mean like Miley Cyrus has brought out art Pierce Brosnan
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
has brought out art but I just love the notion of the celebrities moving into like telling you now I'm never writing another stand up show after Pina Fall I'm going to take out a load of floral highlighters and you'll see me in the Tate Modern in two years I'll be fucking kicking back
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He's big into the deep and meaningfuls. Yeah. I saw his post about being famous on the plane. Did you read that? Yeah, I did. I read that and I was like, oh. I'll just explain it so he has it. He did a really... He did a... I thought it was a very interesting post actually, kind of about how much... do the public, how much access do they deserve of celebrities like Robbie Williams?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He's like been asked for photos all day, every day. He was on a plane. He was kind of having some anxiety issues and he was getting asked by people for photographs of when they land. Can I get a photograph? And he was sending back handwritten letters saying no, basically. He's like, look. I'm not in a great mood. I've been up since 4am. I've got four kids with me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah. And he was saying, how much of yourself do you have to give or do people deserve? And then he was talking about the difference between like,
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
real fans and then people who just want a photo with that lad who sang Angels and how much it takes out of him and it was really interesting and then the pilot came down and got a photo with them and the pilot said you're much sounder than Mr. Blah because Mr. Blah wouldn't take a photo with us and then Robbie was like I know Mr. Blah and Mr. Blah's actually really sound and it annoyed me that he was then throwing Mr. Blah under the bus it was just interesting and then all the celebs were liking it and stuff
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, he's in his feelings. He's in his feels. Robbie's in his feels.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, I'm into Ireland for the summer around Europe. By the way, Berlin, Oslo, Copenhagen, Stockholm. I mean, basically, I'm just going. I just have to do an hour of work for three people while I tour those cities, which is fine. Yeah, gorgeous. The rest of the shows are selling very well. Yeah, Scandi countries, it's a no. For me also, just FYI. It's mutual, okay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, we had a great kind of flyaway chat, you know, it was really like from one flyaway owner to another. There was real camaraderie in it, folk. I thought you looked a little left out, to be honest. Now you might need to get yourself a pair. Because I've no children, I'm in a position to invest in every hobby I develop twice weekly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Didn't Tilda Swinton do like a live art exhibition where she just slept in a gallery in a box for a while? Was it Tilda Swinton? I think it was Tilda Swinton. Yeah. I think that's a great idea. Well, I was actually speaking to someone about the, it was actually Garoud again. He was talking about he's buying all his art now from Timu because he's saying that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He's like, I'm getting these gorgeous prints of Timu. They're two euro. And then he got the frame out of Oxfam. And I said, we were discussing.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
my art I said we were kind of discussing the ethics of like AI generated art and he's like I don't care I love art and the artists are the ones making it expensive they're the expensive fish we laughed and laughed and laughed
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
That's a life hack that we all, yeah, 100%.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah. Sniff films where they're dead?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Something weird about that though, isn't there? Do you remember you watched me sleep when I didn't charge you at all? No, that's quite insane. You did.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You did. You had to fumble with yourself, didn't you? No. He was watching and wanking.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah, sure. I bet you had a little tug.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
What the fuck is wrong with me? I know. It's just the company, isn't it? It's just like, it's just so you don't feel alone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
The same theme tune that they're using to sell pineapples on Etsy that we bought for like a dollar.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You've changed your photo four times. We can do whatever we want. Ask Robbie Williams if we can use angels. He looks like he's out to make a bit of cash.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Something more upbeat. It'd be fucking hilarious if the podcast finished with angels every week. Okay, bye then. Bye for another week. Bye bye.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Well, it won't matter because you'll propel away from the children. They won't be able to catch you. It actually could be a great escape from mothering for a while if you were willing to invest in the propelling shoes. But apparently, I actually Googled because they caused such a... Stir.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Cancelled for cultural appropriation. They're for the running community, Joanne. Yeah. They're not a passion shoot. I'm like, I know.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
What is the story with Strava? Is it like, why would you bother posting your runs? Is it because, is it a competitive thing because running is so insular that it's some way to have some sort of community? Is that what it is?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
What are you going to say? I know what you're going to say and I have a prepared answer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
oh yeah the skate park in Clapham of course yeah it looks like grey crack tell you what I'm going to break out the blades I'm going to go there I can't wear my rollerblades in public but there they're accepted and everyone's very nice about it I'm going to start rollerblading again you should I can't do you know what I find skates I find roller skating and all that jazz quite triggering because it reminds you of the wheelies do you remember the wheelies in Return of Oz Return to Oz do you remember those horrible lads and they're on all fours with the wheels on their hands and their feet
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
That explains why you're so upbeat and positive. I remember running screaming from the house because Augustus Gloop got stuck in that water slide or whatever it was with the chocolate going up and I was never able to go down a water slide after it and I had fierce agoraphobia because of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
You've been dating princes and I've been dating villains. Did you see the story about the camogie team in Ireland and the skorts and the skirts and the shorts? Oh my gosh. Yeah, okay, tell us the story. Skort drama. So you know camogie, Jo? No. Anyway, you're welcome, Joe. Your Irish education continues. It does. As does ours.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I just had to read that off the internet, which I think was quite clear from the tone. Anyway. Two camogie teams turned up to play a game at the weekend and part of their uniform is they have to, there is a skort, which is a kind of hybrid mashup of a skirt and shorts. Yes. Okay. Now, the girls, the women I should call them, they don't want to wear skorts. They want to wear shorts.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Did you get a lot of messages as well? I was out for a walk with Vogue yesterday wearing, what are they called? They have plates in them, carbon plates. They're running runners. What are they called? Flyers or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
So should they be alleged? As is their right. It's 2025. We can't be telling women what to wear. Okay. Certainly not by a male referee. No. Another of the rules. Another of the rules. Another of the rules. Anyway, they turned up at some sort of protest. They're in their shorts. And the male referee was like, if you don't go in and put those skorts on, this match will be abandoned. So they went in.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And anyway, it's all over the news because they're like, we don't want to wear these fucking skorts. I could not support more. I have a skort myself and I can barely get around a beer garden in it, let alone play camogie. I could not understand their position more. Plus, they're like, they're too feminine. They're playing sport. Let them wear what they fucking want.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And also, does the referee and the GAA or the GPA or whoever's involved, if these girls stop playing, there is no fucking game for this lad to be telling them what to wear around anyway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Just choose. Exactly. It's confusing. It's discombobulating, as we would say about in our spare time. Exactly. This reeks of jobs where there's people who get really
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
right there jobs and it reminds me of a story that Gerald told me about in a venue once where he didn't wear shoes to the stage because he was just going in to do a sound check so he went in his feet his socks yeah he just walked from his dressing room to the stage anyway stage manager was like oh no you can't walk any further in your feet. It's health and safety. And he was like, oh, really?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't go onto the stage in your socks. He's like, oh, okay. I'll go back to the dressing room. He goes, no, no, no, no. You can't go anywhere. I'll have to get a trolley for you. Oh, stop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Made him wait. And this lad, health and safety, in inverted commas, got ordered a trolley. Beep, beep. You know, one of these beeping trolleys. Oh, come on. And had him escorted back. It was ludicrous. it was three men involved in telling the women that they had to go back in and put their squirts on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
And I was like, this just reeks of like, well, if we listen, if we give them a bit of leeway on the score, what's next? It'll be tampons and abortions on the pitch. That's what it reeks of.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah. It's making us sad. So anyway, now they're like, okay, okay, we're going to bring in more fresh skorts and we're going to trial them over the summer. Basically, put your fucking skorts on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Also, what I've learned reading this story is the more you say skort, the more ridiculous the word becomes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Neither should exist. It's like a hairless cat. Get rid of them all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Yeah. I actually have a little bit about hairless cats in the new show now because I find them so... You don't like them? Hideous. No, I do not like them. They look like they've escaped from a lab. Like that they're not fully cooked. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Well, yes, Vogue. And I invested in a pair of those fly things with the carbon plates in them.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I wouldn't be. No, I just can't have a barnacle as a pet.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Of course I did. People, I swear to God, sometimes the messages I get off people, you'd swear if it wasn't for the internet, I'd just be sitting in my flat eating raw chicken with a tit out. I do have... Some form of brain. So I think there's a general consensus in the DMs from some of the women that I just bought them because they're fluorescent.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
This is one of those stories. He's going to turn on her like an XL bully. They should not be kept in bedrooms. They should be out in oceans, pools, saunas, that kind of place.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Oh, the boiling alive thing is absolutely horrific.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I know we went boiling alive. It's absolutely horrific.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
I was like, get away, T. How does he know how to hold a lobster? Is there not a certain... Did a lobster not go for him with his little claws? You hold them by the back. Oh, God. What a bougie baby. In my days, it was just balloons of water. Water balloons and he's throwing lobsters and caviar around restaurants in St. Bart's. What a life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law
Whatever. I've two things to say. George Clooney. Now, Vogue, I know that we're sensitive to other people's marriages because you're getting divorced on the reg. So I know that we don't want to be discussing other people's marriages, but I will. Okay. It's a pop culture podcast. So George Clooney is obsessed with, he's always talking about the fact he doesn't fight with Amal.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It is the new protein. Protein is the new avocado, in my humble opinion. It's the talk of the town. I don't know how to... The amount of protein I'm supposed to be taking in for a woman of my age, I'm going to have to get up in the middle of the night and just start eating raw chicken breasts. I'm supposed to be on something like 60 million grams a day. Like, where do we get the time?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Jo, how much protein are you eating a day? Do you even know what it is? I have no idea what it is. It's vaguely meat, isn't it?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Did I tell you about the time I came home and one of my family members who I won't rat out which one had... How do I say this diplomatically? put on a couple of pounds, right? And it was kind of noticeable and they weren't that happy about it. And I was like, well, why do you... I said she, sorry, it was obviously my mother.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I have a pretty small family, so I'm doing my best here to respect your privacy, but it was Pat. So anyway, she goes, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. She said, all I'm doing is eating those protein bars. And I was like, what protein bars? So she was horsing these protein bars, thinking that she was basically eating aubergines. I was like, mum, there's still...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I know protein is the buzzword, but they are just a chocolate bar at the end of the day. Just because they put protein on the front, she thought she was getting away with it. I was like, no, no, no, no. You're basically on five Mars bars a day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It's one of those delicious, creamy ones. I know them. They're gorgeous.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, it's not. It's got protein in it, though. It's protein.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
there's these yogurts that do have protein that are good for you what are they called Arla and they're like a yop you can get a yop version with protein but they all every all of them have because it's the buzzword it was like when it was like when gluten fell out of favor and everyone tried to cancel gluten and so all these products that never had gluten in them in the first place were like gluten-free gluten-free you never had gluten in you in the first place stop trying to get involved
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
They were trying to get involved and then everyone was like, oh, that's healthy now because it's gluten free. It's like, it's a bag of, you know, it's crisps. Jesus, I don't know how many bags of crisps I ate yesterday. I was on one. I just had a gorgeous day. Ah, but you're in Ireland. I really treated myself. Really treated myself. Really treated myself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I couldn't taste anything. It didn't matter. Yeah. Can I? I have a complaint and I love Ireland. I love Ireland. I'm an Irish person. My blood is green. Yes, I live in the UK. I have to go there for work. I also love the UK and anywhere else I'll be potentially gigging in the next three years. I also love you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Anyone that pays me a salary or buys a ticket, I'm very much a fan of your land. Yeah. But the train experience, so I got the train from Dublin to Galway and Me and Geroge got it together. We were going to do a bit of work. We were going to hang out, have a chat and a catch up. There is no trolley on the train anymore. The trolley is gone.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Now, the part of the crack of getting the train is to hear those wheels clacking up the aisle. I was only, we were halfway through the journey and the woman was coming in, checking the tickets. And I said, where's the trolley? She goes, there's no trolley on the train. I was devastated. Because say what you want about the UK, but my God, they do a great train experience. They do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It's so expensive. I would easily sell my first born child for three miniature gins on a train. The experience of it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
the buzz of the trolley on the Rhine the buzz of the trolley on flights it's you can't drink on the trains anymore it's like going to school it's like going it's like being on a school I had more crack going to the planetarium at nine years of age than I had on that train and do you know what as well they were like oh I was three hours not a single bit of food not a single bit of wine and they were like we're stopping in Athlone we're stopping in Port Arlington I said we're not we don't have time
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I said, I don't have time for this. There's no trolley on the train. You can't keep me on this thing, stopping at all the trains along the way. We're not stopping.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I should have had an email from Ian Rodaron saying, by the way, Joanne, just a flag. There are no refreshments. on this train. I would say there's prison cars with better hospitality than those Ayrnrode Ayrnrode.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Folk, I'm sorry. Do you think that I would not have found the cafe? I nearly starved to death. I'd only eaten just as I got on the train. I had to eat and drink immediately when I got off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I love the train experience. I love ordering things and the little Kit Kat. I'm telling you, I was shocked. I'd say prison vans are better. I'd say the Scissor Sisters went into the docus with a Kit Kat and a cup of tea in them. Honest to God. But they had gone from the court. There's nothing on those trains. It's a disgrace. I was saying, give me the trolley. I'll do it myself. I'll volunteer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And you had a huge set of boots when you were pregnant. So pregnancy really suited you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
thirst and hunger is not seasonal Jo the want to have a good time is not seasonal there was a group of women there it was one of their 40th birthdays and I know that because she's wearing a cowboy hat with 40 on it and they were sitting there sober and I was like that is the saddest thing I've seen today
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Do you need a license to drive a trolley? I'll do it. I'll do it. Do you know how much I respect that? Do you know the joy that that trolley brings to people? Do you know that I know, I watch the trolley so much.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
On airplanes, I have decoded what I call the trolley dolly lingo. And I know trolley dolly is not a respectful term. I don't use it. It's cabin crew, but they do trolley dolly lingo. So when they have two trolleys, one coming in from one end and the other coming in from the other, they have a code that they speak to each other in so that they can ask each other for things to send them up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when they point to their eye, they're looking for ice. When they hold up two products, the first product is the thing that they want. And the second product is the color of the thing that they want. So they'll hold up a little box of red Pringles, but they'll hold up a green can of Heineken.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And now I know that one of them is looking for the other to bring up green Pringles. I watch it all. I've decoded it all. I'm telling you, if we go to World War III, I'm going to be hired by the FBI. You're bilingual. I'm bilingual. I'm the enigma or whatever that code thing is. She's worked it out. That's all she needs to know. I'm there to the girls down there.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
She's looking for green Pringles and ice. I know it all. I watch it all.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, huge. They were, even I was like, wow, Vogue, you're really putting on that busty display. I was putting on the busty display nonstop. I'll tell you. There was bust. Jo, aren't you lucky that you've no hair loss, even though you've had two children because you didn't physically... have to go through us. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I still have two left. You don't have the best reputation when it comes to flying publicly. That's never going to go away. Are you sure you want to go down the road of admitting that you basically bought them out of dairy milks? It's up to you.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, yeah. Well, if you want to starve to death, I recommend getting the train from Dublin to Galway.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
At one point, Gerard was like, Joanne, you have to stop talking about the trolley.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
like it's a three hour journey like we've given it a good hour now like they're we need to stick a pin in this and move on with our lives I just was I was just so disappointed and you can't drink on the trains it's illegal I mean what who said that Ireland no that has not come in no Vogue sorry do you know who you're talking to Do you think that I wouldn't have... Jo's tapping away there again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And do you know what? The UK give... They're always taking the piss out of Irish for drinking. I've never seen as much street train drinking as I have in London. It is wild. And I love to see it. I love to see it. I'm like, yeah. It brings a real camaraderie to the train.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Imagine that 40th party. Honestly, God, I just... It was so sad. So sad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I don't know what any of that means. What are you talking about?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
As someone, I am paying my taxes and I would like to see it go to something... Useful.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm so glad I forgot about that story when I sat on the train starving to death. Because the government just don't want us to have a good time. That's literally... They're like, you're not having a good time. After the next tour... when hopefully I've made back the money that I've spent on ASOS, I will do the trolley myself. I will do that trolley myself to bring some joy onto those trains.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I won't speak or anything. I won't make it about me. I'll just literally wheel it up and down and serve little minutes and I'll try and bring drinking back onto the trains. That's all. You all heard it here first. Joanne? I know we usually stay out of politics on this podcast. We like to just be...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'll drive the trolley. That's what I'll do. It's something to work towards.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It deserves more time, but I am aware that it's not everyone's priority. So I'm happy to move on now.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, you're not into dead people. She never has been.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
They're shit conversationalists, let's be honest. They don't bring a lot to the table.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm not going to get involved. You're just slagging the dead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
You'd rock it, Joe. I think I'm ready for, I think you'll rock it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, OK, I'm assuming this woman is not the first person to die on a plane. Now, this makes sense to me because I was like, okay, let's unpack the options here. They could throw her in the overhead.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I actually think that's a really low amount of people. I mean, we're obviously not taking into consideration planes that crashed. So we're just talking about individuals who died.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
A bit disrespectful. No, it's not. He would want her to have that money.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And trust me, now that that's been confirmed, I absolutely will. So they won't know, we have so much Botox anyway. They'll be like, oh, there's Vogue Williams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, she's... When the rigor mortis sets in, they'll be like, oh, she's gone too heavy on the fillers.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I've had... We don't agree with it. Just hate Gracely. Yeah, that's what we're... But when I read about your one time on the plane, I was like, they're not going to put her in the cockpit. The lads will be like, she can't come in here. We're driving.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I wouldn't even want her like stuck in the galley. I'd be like, ah, there's a spare dinner going. Remember I was saying that I got, remember I asked for a second dinner on the plane back from Cape Town and the cabin crew, your woman's like, oh, a second dinner, you little pig. Whereas if I, if there was a dead woman on a plane, I'd know she's not going to want her dinner. So I'll have it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Not on me, though. I'm surprised there isn't like a tablet you can take. I'm sure Ozempic seems to be able to do everything. I'm sure Ozempic will eventually be proven to turn your hair back blonde or something like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, I mean, look, it's not the ideal flying experience, but people do die and people do fly. And, you know, if you fly and die, there has to be a system in place. I wouldn't mind sitting beside a dead body. I really wouldn't. I just chat away I remember I know I told you that before I'm like hold on hold on can you hear that that's the trolley I can't talk to you anymore now I'm distracted
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Do you know where the new up-and-coming place to go on holidays is, which I am going to go to this year?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course. Like, they're not going to turn the whole cruise around.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And my friend Audrey, I've never understood it. She's a young woman who loves to cruise. I was like, Audrey, it just doesn't make any sense.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I haven't thought about cruises in a while, but hacks, which I... I love Lev. Did you see the episode in season three where they went on the lesbian cruise? It was one of the funniest episodes of the whole series. And they got kicked off for when Deborah Vance, she gets booked to do this. She's told it's a gay cruise. And she's like, oh, the gays love me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And then it turns out it's a lesbian cruise. She's like, lesbians hate me. But she's already on the ship. But then she's having a really good time. And then she gets kind of cocky. And then she fucks the gig because she ends up doing all these like...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
kind of old school kind of like homophobic like anti-lesbian jokes because she thinks she's kind of in the mix now and they end up they kick her off the cruise but Ava she's a lesbian so she's having a really good time on the cruise and they give her a pill so they kick the two of them off and they're going back to shore in this little dinghy and Ava starts coming up and she's like I have to dance I have to dance it's one of the funniest episodes of the whole three series it is so funny oh god
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Anyway, yeah. Don't go on a cruise. You'll die. Is that the lesson? Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
All we do is talk about flying and drinking. That's all we talk about. It's actually the only topic for the cover.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Josie, you are a smart businesswoman for pitching that show. That's great. Can I pitch my luxury new home as something? Is that like something I could pitch and then they just put me in a house and leave me there?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
So I had a moment the other day, I was looking at the Brits and the Oscars and I was like, I don't know if I just premenstrual or something, but I got, I was like, this looks like shit crack.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Not a medical podcast. Oh, but you know what as well, I'm like, we're not really qualified to talk about a Zen book, but that's not going to stop us. Apparently, because it's, because the junk food industry are panicking because people, like those people who were overeating that stuff, who were probably taking the pen if they cannot get access to the pen and all that stuff. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
You see, maybe, I think maybe I'm not into it because I feel left out. I think if I was to really unpack myself, I'm like, am I just jealous that I'm not in the gang that goes to those kind of things?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
The whole red carpet thing. I'd be like, are you going to Paris that? I'd be like, I need to go. You can always tell some of the actors, actresses, singers, whatever. They've been taught how to pose. I would need that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I would need to go for my fair lady. I would need like a week of training.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
where I'd end up like doing the peace sign and sticking my tongue out like an idiot you know what I mean I would need to be taught how to pose and everything and then the photos would send me over the edge because I'd be like they're terrible blah blah blah yeah it's not for me and not even the actor Danny Jungle oh god Danny Mac Jungle oh Maura Higgins and Danny McFly who won the Celebrity Jungle gotcha
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
were caught canoodling at the Brits and he more single ready to mingle but Danny is married with a family yeah and his wife is his wife is so nice like so lovely and we don't we don't blame the other woman it's not what we do it's not the done thing it's not cool It's not on Moira. It's on Danny. But I was like, there's cameras. Even I know myself from just watching this shit play out in line.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It's brazen. It was very, it was a very stupid thing to do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
You've been trying to do that for ages anyway. You can give me a little where at the Brits.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, I am very much not on the invitation list. So if you could get me in, that'd be great. And then I'll maybe do the trolley at the Oscars and I'll get us in that way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
it's already eating into their profits and they're trying to figure out another way to... Sorry, it's the same with the alcohol industry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
They are. They are. They're quite 90s Y2K. Yeah. Like when Jodie Marsh wore a belt around her tits. Iconic. Oh my God, I'm going to wear my bandana. I'll wear my bandana. I already know what I'm wearing. That's it for the main episode. Vogue, you have a book tour to promote. I have a stand-up tour to promote. JoanneMcNally.com for peanutball dates.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Also going to Europe and I'm adding an extra Amsterdam and I'm adding an extra Apollo. Vogue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Way back, like in another room, potentially.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, she's recording from house, but the recording studio is in London.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I do think it's doing great things, though, I have to say, for the people who need it. Or not. For balance, maybe it's not. Or not. But I was reading this thing about it the other day. It's going to change society because they're saying it's already showing to have positive effects on... dementia.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I don't like getting wet. I don't like getting wet. I'd rather just stab myself. Do you know what I mean? And they're saying it could have really positive effects on alcohol.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah. Fair enough. I think it's doing great things. and I think they're like it's science and I love science it's doing great things for some people and then it's not great for other people I think good balance that's nice look at us oh god we really it's very clear we're having a fucking clue what we're talking about
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
No, and I'm always saying... Sometimes it's good and then sometimes it's not good. Okay, next.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
to anything to be that overly consumed with a lifestyle like that I mean it's probably a bit rich for me to go on to say I mean he's just being trying to be healthy it's probably a bit cruel of me to dismiss it as a mental illness but I just mean it's not it's not how I would choose to live my life
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
This man needs to stop. I'm telling you now, something, if I don't believe in the universe, but if I did, this to me feels like this lad's going to get hit by a bus. Do you know what I mean? All this work and all this restriction and he could literally, a grand piano could fall out of a roof of a building and knock this lad into an early grave and then what?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yes, exactly. It's like when I stressed about something. I bought something recently that was quite expensive and then I was kind of freaking out about what I'd spent because I'm obviously trying to buy a house and all this jazz. And Vogue said, with great wisdom, she said, you can't take it with you, Joanne. You can't take it with you. And I said, you're dead right now. You're dead right.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
God, he's really moved on from, like, do you know, he's just figured out you're going to die. He grieved that for about 20 minutes and now he's straight into the inheritance.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Let them live. It causes all sorts of problems. I know families who don't speak anymore. I know other families who are taking... the will to court because the parent left all the money to one member of the family and the siblings are taking him to court. Like it's, it can, it's, it can be chaotic and messy. That's why you need to be very clear in your, do you have a will, Vogue?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Well, you've said it here and now, so... Yeah, consider this my will. Yeah, if the grand piano comes for you instead of Brian, we'll have us on record... That the shoes and the guitar gets split between the two kids.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
You're not giving your husband your pension. No, I'm giving it to the kids. Fair enough.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah. So my hair, my, remember my slag strips, which were basically just bleached straight onto the scalp and my front bits of my hair have, have still yet to recover from the abuse of, I put them through. And as someone who has always had a good head of hair, I'm finding it very...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It's so funny that you're trying to teach Spencer a lesson by not giving him your pension. You're like, no, no, no. It's usually the way, it's usually when people are like, they're not going to give their kids the money because they're like, no, no, no. You need to learn to work for yourself and make your own money. But this lesson has been taught to, what is he, nearly 40 at this stage? Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Little baby. He's going to run himself into an early grave at this rate. I saw him out sprinting again around some track in London. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Were you wearing them around or did you send them back? It's too late to send them back. I had them sent to my mum. They're out of date. I don't know, did I think I was buying a costume? You'd want to see these boots.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I'm in Galway. I'm in the Dean Hotel in Galway. Coming to you live.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
They do indeed. They do indeed. I'm here for the gym. The great gym.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Yeah, no, it's a nice hotel. I'm going to go away doing some work in progress shows ahead of Penophile starting in about a month's time. So that's interesting. Are you excited or nervous? I'm excited. I'm excited. The work in progress, the process is one work in progress. You're like, oh my God, I've got a show. This is great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And then the next work in progress, you're like, oh my God, suspend me from the nearest bridge. So that's just kind of the creative process. There's highs and lows. Highs and lows. So yeah. And the room that I'm doing, I'm just doing a really small room in the town hall. I'm just doing the studio in the town hall. It's like a hundred seater maybe. And yeah, But it's a very cold room.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Like it's not a warm room. So I'm just going, it's just me going on at seven o'clock. So I'm in a bit of a suspend myself from the bridge mood today, but that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. It's a creative process. It's a creative process. And I would like to thank Galway for its honesty. I'm actually only taking the bits. It's actually going quite well.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Now, last night I forgot to press record on my phone. So I didn't know how long I'd done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
I did an hour and 20 minutes and I can only apologise to those poor women sat there because they can't get out. The way the room is set up, they have to walk past me and they're too polite to do that. So I'm just so sorry because there's no excuse for doing an hour and 20. There's just no excuse. People have babysitters, lives, kids.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And like I said about me and you, Vogue, I'm not that interesting either on my own. So I can only apologize for doing an air in 20 minutes. Honestly, if I was them, I would have been fuming with me. Fuming.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
Hour 10. Unless it's, like, experimenting on them for an hour and 20 is, it's unsound.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
And the reason I really copped it was when I was doing Prosecco, I would some, I remember there was times I was going into an hour, and one time I did, and one time I did an hour and 30. Like, how rude right how self-indulgent I didn't I just didn't realise I really didn't realise and like I don't it doesn't matter who you are it doesn't matter how good you are it doesn't matter who you are
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
sitting in an audience for that length of time and I noticed it when I went back into being an audience member and looking at other shows and no matter how good they were no matter how funny how interesting how good the show was 50 minutes in I'm like all right come on where's this like where's this going so Peter Kay was like I think two hours 20 with a 20 minute break
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
what I say difficult to witness this thinning at the front and I just I don't want to accept it so I'm wondering what can I do because now that I'm darker as well you can see the scalp more I mean look it's very much first world hair problems but still my makeup artist my makeup artist this morning showed me before and after of her hair and it was a massive difference and she said if you have those you know those red like like that shark mask you have it on I have yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
If you're charging... Now, he would be charging... proper cash for those tickets and I think if you're charging if you're going Oasis level of expense on tickets you can't be in and out within an hour so you do I think doing two sections is a good idea then because then you're kind of breaking it up but you are giving them a lot so yeah anyway apologies to Galway Oasis
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
If you're like... I heard they haven't... How I've heard this... Oh, I think it was in the Daily Mail. I heard they haven't started rehearsals yet. And as someone who...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
But also now, I mean, I don't mean to bring in the revenue, but I assume they all have to pay. I mean, if they get 50 million, Joe, they're going to have to pay 25 million in tax, aren't they? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good bit of tax revenue.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Ozempic, The Brits & The Trolley
It's only 25 million. No wonder they haven't started rehearsals. I wouldn't bother. once the tax comes out you wouldn't bother bother my arse staying it's the point of working they just take it all off you anyway
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
The problem is, as someone who is actively on the market. What do you have your profile set to? Well, I have it set. So I think I might have set, like, I think...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
hold on Joanne be honest now I'm like the Beckhams be honest be honest I'm like 35 be honest okay it's 27 27 no I think it's like 30 you went no okay 30 to 50 I think but when I was only to 50 you'd only go to 50 I'd have to check well I check put it back up put it I guarantee you, put it up to 55. There was a guy in Cape Town.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I felt quite old in Cape Town, actually, because they were all obsessed with the fact I was 41. Anyone I matched with, they're like, you're 41. And I was like, yeah. And this guy, we matched and he wrote, 41, yuck. I went, excuse me?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I said, excuse me? And he goes, it's a joke. And as I always say to men who insult and call it a joke, I said, I write jokes for, I don't write jokes for a living, obviously I've never written a joke in my life. I try to, but they don't know that. I said, I'm actually, I do jokes for a living and you'd really want to fucking work on your jokes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I wish I'd said five foot eight, yuck. for eight yuck disgusting what do you have it at what do you have it at I'd put that up to 55 let's check you're missing all the really wealthy normal guys put it up to 60 oh I'm interested here are my preferences I'm interested in men for now I think you're really closing yourself off but go on anyway Age range, I'm 32 to 50. I think I'd go up to 55.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Would you? Yeah, definitely. I'd do 55. That's only 15 years, 16 years. I don't even know why I give a shit. I've absolutely no interest in getting married. I don't know why I'm even bothering. Don't bother getting married.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I put it up to 62 we'll just see what happens I mean 63 to 62 he can't be I just I think 23 to 62 22 to 62 I'll just whoever buy a hat guys
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
No spoilers. I've only watched episode one. Yeah, that was it. That's the only one that's out. At time of recording. At time of recording. Firstly, sorry, before you go into that, let's break this down. Let's start at the start and unpack it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I was sitting there minding my own business watching the Boys Now documentary and each one of them appeared and they're all good looking lads and they always were good looking lads Oh sorry I met Shane the other day as well I forgot to tell you Did you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
did you get in the sea once well well well what an interesting question it was only on the last day I looked at the sea and said I didn't get into you once no I don't like to get wet really Joanne I don't know there are sharks in the South African Sea by the way Brendan Courtney, very good friend of mine, was with me and he's a water baby.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Nine. Do you want to take me on for this? Are you saying you were nine? I was nine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Yeah, he was the hot one. And no offense, Shane, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but then I've I've I've an aversion to any men who are religious. It's I don't think he's religious anymore, is he? He was Christian for a while. He was Christian. I won't engage any lads I'm happy to say they're Christian. I'm like, good luck. No, no, no. Imagine having to go to mass again on a Sunday. No way.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I don't think they go. I think Christianity is this, it all starts with a bit of wellness, right? It starts with an ice bath and next thing they're Christian and I just don't trust the whole process. I want nothing to do with it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I think it's just like the way they live their lives or believe. Anyway, the whole thing, they might as well be an Episcopalian as far as I'm concerned. It's fucking weird.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
it was very early days and they got booked to do Late Lates they were like right we're doing it it'd be like us going out in the three arena and just being like alright okay I guess we're just I know we did dance but like we did talk before we danced we danced eventually I tried to do that dance again by the way I forgot it already God we were shy at that weren't we we were shy at that but yeah but one of the lads was saying he's like I think it was I think it was Keith he was like I don't have a love hate relationship with that video he's like I just hate it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
So he's like, every time we passed any bit of water, a fucking sink, he was like, hold my bag! And he was in it. So I would just hold his bag while he dipped into the sea and the pool and everything like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Oh, come on. Imagine being in a band and they're like, actually, you're not going to be on the album at all. You're like, so what's the point? What is the point of this?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I know. I haven't watched the whole thing yet though. I did see that and apparently Keith's parents ended up paying for him to go to London to record the song. Yeah, I mean, Louis, like all that stuff. I'm not surprised they don't like Louis. It's like you're kind of pitching them all against each other. It's not great. They'd only two working mics and three dummy mics.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
And you always, in these documentaries, there always needs to be a bit of jeopardy. We need the kind of, you need those little moments where you're like, oh my God. I forgot they were as big as they were, to be honest.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Totally. And obviously I had a huge crush on Stephen Gailey. And I felt so bad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Yeah, because he's like the cute one. You didn't fancy Shane? I fancied Shane when my balls dropped. Before my balls dropped, I fancied Stephen Gailey. Oh my God, that always shamed me. And he spent the whole time freaked that someone was going to out him and everything. Oh, that was so bad. I know. The poor thing. I know, because he was like, that's it. If people know I'm gay.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Do you know what's really weird? I can't answer that. I cannot answer that question. I was just having such a good time in the restaurants.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Because this was back, like it's not obviously that long ago, but like... He thought it would ruin his career. He thought it would ruin his career. It was back still at the stage where people were hiding.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Well, that is exactly what I said, Gem. Sorry, can I just throw in the mix here talking about the Boysland documentary? I was shook to my core when I saw Ronan Keating jacked and tattooed to within an inch of his life.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I say God bless all the time I don't mean it ever say I've never heard you say God bless no sorry do you know what I say a lot thank God when I don't I've no interest in thanking him at all I don't even believe he's real God bless and thank God are very different things he's very God bless yeah he's really you say God bless I say thank God a lot and I'm not I don't know why I'm crediting God he's not even he doesn't even exist
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
it's my number one favourite thing to do on holidays is to get into the sea and swim it was quite far like I could see it but it wasn't like on my door it was on my door it was like a five minute walk I cannot explain it I don't know but you know it as well there's a lot of pressure on holidays I met a guy flying home a guy called Mike who was lovely an Irish guy no sorry English guy actually who I don't know he just knows someone who knows and he listens to the pod or someone he knows listens to the pod and um
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Well, this is what I actually think. I think OnlyFans is putting... My problem with OnlyFans is that I think it's making sex work way too accessible for girls. Yeah. But I think it's making it safer for old-school sex workers. It means they don't have to be out in the street anymore. They can do it from the privacy of their own home and it's safe.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
So with that, I have conflicting feelings about OnlyFans. This is them trying to drive traffic to their page. But they are just... They're just... It's the men buying it as well. It's not the girls buying it. I think before, because sex work was kind of hidden. We didn't see it. It wasn't as obvious. Whereas now it's all over Instagram.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Well, now that I planted that thirst drop in Cape Town, maybe things will pick up for me. But I didn't get any of them. But I just think it's like... What I find infuriating about the Bonnie thing, and she's trolling us now. It's all like rage bait. But she's like to the men, when you need to cheat on your wife, buy the perfume that your wife wears for your new girlfriends.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Your wife will never smell that you're cheating. Like she's doing all this rage bait stuff. And I do find that completely infuriating because I'm wired to find that infuriating. And she knows what she's doing. That woman must have the thickest skin of any woman because so many people are hating on her.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
She does, but she's doing that. Yeah, you do. She's doing it exactly to bring this reaction out of people like you. And then it just gives her more business. And I also think she deserves the business because ultimately she's just using a system that has existed since the dinosaurs. And men have been paying women for sex since the dinosaurs. It's not going anywhere.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
like what are you actually there you must be you would have to actually makes me tense my ass you must when you're recruiting yeah because it's the last time she'll be able to do it oh god can you imagine I suppose it's like would it get easier oh no I just don't know no I just don't know I'm a bit like how do we deal with it because we don't want to be slagging them because it's ultimately it's the fucking lads
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
he said oh I heard you were I said yeah I was following he goes this is like as I was taking my seat he goes did you even leave Camps Bay I was like sorry I'm sorry Mike is it
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I think it's them as well as the lads. It's not just the lads. Well, they're making a lot of money and then they're looking at these young ones on TikTok with their Prada handbags. And when you're 18, you're 19, you feel very sexy. You're coming into your own. We didn't, obviously. I did not feel sexy. They're way more advanced than we were.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Yeah, and I'm going to my eyes and I go blind. But you do feel like it's not doing much to advance... the female cause. However, then you have to go, oh, maybe, but they're women kind of using men to pay their bills. So, we should support that. It's all very, this is always my stance on it. It's confusing. I'm confused by the whole thing. I'm confused.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
But I'm going to tell you now, a thousand lads with animals, I hope she has a gurney on her. I hope she gets wheeled off for surgery straight away.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Oh, so I thought it was like a museum where you go, oh, look at this, what they used in medieval England.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
well Lily look we wish you the best of luck these are decisions we're going to deal with Pampers next she's this God love her oh God I'm just like what I just don't I don't know I don't know it's just the whole thing is just really strange
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Sorry, Jo, but you're the only one in the room. Would you like to apologise for us?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Men want a virgin who's great in the sack. You're like, how do you think I learned how to do this? Do you think I just sat there watching DIY videos? I have to have experience to be able to ride you well. If I was a shit ride, you wouldn't be here. They just don't want to know how you learned. I was hanging out with a guy who called all women tarts and he said it was like a term of endearment.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
And I was like, that's not a term of endearment, calling women tarts like that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Yeah, I don't find it. It's not in a sexy way. Will you start calling me darling? Will you call me love? I'll call you love. I'll call you darling. And do you know what as well? I'll call you honey. Do you know what, love?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Yeah. I really want to. I want to be the kind of person who can call someone honey. I don't want I'd rather darling would you yes okay darling and I'll give you love okay no I'd like honey love honey I'm delighted yeah darling it's so great to see you it's so great to see you what do you want Jo puppet you're not sorry Jo you're not a puppet no you're not a puppet
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Babe. I do a babe sometimes. And any man that I've dated, only one of them, all of them were like, I could feel they tried to call me babe and we both were just like... Do you remember when you were younger? Well, I don't know if you used to do this.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
text me oh yeah yeah yeah well this was back in the day Jo we were writing letters sorry we had we had Nokia's though you had to be careful of the amount of letters you used it was exhausting for the fingers do you know what was great though back in the day because text messages were so slow to go remember you'd see the little envelope flying across the screen
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
yes if you texted the wrong person you could rip the battery out of the back of it and it would stop the delivery but you would never know if it worked or not and you'd just have to put the battery so obviously it was that old thing like you'd be talking about some guy and you'd end up sending it to the guy all that jazz whereas now there's no well you can delete it now do you remember that star 103 star the number and then hash so it would tell people to call you because you had no credit no oh my god I used to send that all the time I never had any credit I do remember I remember reverse charging a lot from phone boxes at various dart stations and bus stops music
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
My European dates have gone on sale. I'm going to Barcelona and Copenhagen and Oslo and Berlin and...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
You know, why don't you come to... Oh, thanks, Jo. I'm not going to Berlin. It wouldn't be good for us in no way. Lisbon, Amsterdam, Antwerp, Berlin, Barcelona, Oslo, Burghine, stop... Stop saying Burghine. Burghine, sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
You won't even get in. You're not cool enough. Imagine me trying to do Pinafa on a latex mask. I want to go to Lisbon. Lisbon, Amsterdam, Antwerp, Berlin, Barcelona, Oslo, Bergen, Stockholm, Copenhagen.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
How good do you feel coming back from holidays after being training? Yeah, I kept my training going over there because, you know, I'm in my fitness era and I got a trainer. I treated myself to a trainer over there because I was like, my usual holiday state is feral with a capital F. I was like, okay, Joanne, you're in your 40s now. Let's all calm down. Let's take it easy.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Not you, pop, but you weirdo. I'm off on a couch trip around Europe for the summer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
What was it I used to get here? The Megabus. Hopefully they have a Megabus. Oh, you loved the Megabus. And do you remember Couch Trip, the TV show?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
They're like, here's your budget. There's a wheelie bin in Benidorm you can have. They're like, oh, OK.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
That's it for this week. We will chat to you soon. Thank you so much for listening. Listening? Oh, my God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Joanne. Joanne. We're all back. We're in the studio! It's ages since we've been physically together. We've been mentally together quite regularly, but physically... Physically, you look great. You look so brown and holidayed. Thank you. That's all fake, you know that? Do you not tan at all?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Darling, it's honey, please. Are you okay, honey? Thanks for listening. What's happening? What's happening?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
So good to train on holidays. And I trained and trained until... I was like, are the wheels coming off there? The last couple of days, because as we know, I extended. I was like, I'm engaging my old self. And I went bananas. Your own holiday mode. I went back. But I kept a lid on it for the guts of two weeks. And when I say a lid, I meant I wasn't just pumping myself full of booze.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
And I kept my exercise going. So my mind was clearer. And then on the last three days, because weed and edibles is all legal over there. See that for yourself.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
unreal tomatoes the size of human heads everything's amazing the wine's amazing the coffee's amazing the produce is so fresh everything is huge it's just and the service is so good and not once Not once did they tell me where to fucking sit. I'd walk into restaurants. Sit wherever you want. Now, bearing in mind, I was in everyone for, I was a pretty regular customer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
You just had your own special table. They were like, can I sit anywhere you want? I could have sat at a 12 seater on a patio outside. They wouldn't have said a thing to me. I was like, that's where I love K-Town. But then I knew I was, I was two weeks in an Airbnb and then all the gays left and I went into a hotel because I didn't want to be in the Airbnb by myself just for boredom.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
And then I was in the hotel, six days in a hotel, because it's kind of transient hotel. So six days in a hotel is quite a long time. Like no one's there for two weeks. They're there on the way to somewhere else. And on the last day I was like, I'm now the only guest who knows how to use the toaster. So like people would be asking me and I was like managing the toaster.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I was like, no, no, no, it's up too high. You're going to have to put it through again. Do you know what I mean? I knew how it all worked. I was like, it's time. It's time to go. Yeah, yeah. It's time to go. I'm like the toaster engineer.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
She's like, oh, she's out of the country. Where is she? What's she doing? What's my job? So I got out. I got obviously, of course, I treated myself to a weed pen, a weed pen and a bag of edibles. And on the front of the bag, I went into the cannabis shopping center, did my shop, did my weekly shop.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
you know I've absolutely no idea what the South African rand is how much is a bottle of water I could not tell you obviously I don't know how to do maths or anything and I don't know how much a rand is and I had to really check myself I started using a currency converter because I tipped a girl in a restaurant and she hugged me and I was like what have I done what have I done what have I done she was like thank you so much and I was like fuck give me that back what have I given you then I was like I need to start paying attention how much is a weed pen in South Africa
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Well I don't look I don't buzz off tanning I'll buzz off having a tan and now because I'm very well stocked with I can just paint myself brown so why would I bother when I can just sit indoors then and drink and read and eat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
at the Cannabis Shopping Centre in Seapoint that's where I was that's where I did my weekly shop oh yeah they've got an online very efficient lovely shop it was like spa but for weed about 50 euro grant yeah that's great value I said 50 euro yeah you did yeah great value
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I'm a secret stoner I bought a bag of edibles and a weed pen and off I went and there was no one no one had arrived yet because I was out a couple of days before the lads came out and on the front of the pack of the edibles it said very very strong and I had a friend out there and my friend was saying oh they always say that don't worry about it they just say that to eat yeah they always just say that to eat more or sorry they just say that to kind of cover themselves that's what he said yeah how many did you eat well
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I don't know what I can say on the podcast. You ate a whole bag? Are you insane? I'd be in an asylum. It doesn't matter how many I ate. The point is, I definitely ate too many. And, you know, and you're like, oh no, here we go. Uh oh. Oh no. And there's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. They're in the system. You can't get them out. I was like, well, I try and get sick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
And I was like, no, we're not going down that road again. It's already gone into your mind. I'm not relapsing on an edible. So I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
here we go do you know when you're like sitting it's like you're on a wall so you're like here we go came to were you at home or out I was in the Airbnb oh okay that's okay no no no I was in a safe and safe secured once you're alone environment and it came to standing in the pool and I was like oh no no no
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
no oh no and then I'd come to and I was like Joanne you're in Cape Town because you don't know where you are oh god I'd hate that you're in there was nothing I could do and I was like okay we're going to sleep it off we're going to sleep it off and then I'd be kind of laughing and then I'd come to in another room and could you sleep no well of course I was like sleep it off
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
just closed my eyes and sure you can imagine what happened then oh hell broke loose oh my god I was like oh no no anyway and then I just nibbled the edibles how have you not learnt your lessons I don't know I just don't learn that little nibble here no you're not fused to learn it's weird
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I mean we all do in fairness then at the end I was like I don't want to waste all this stuff so I gave it to a friend of mine and he's like do you mind it's like a mouse had this bag I was like I just nibble now I just nibble anyway I kept the weed pen on me for as long as I could so I dropped it at the end at the airport going in because you can't obviously fly it around because that is mewling
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
and so I was like illegal and I don't want to break the law and it's all legal over there which is fine but anyway I really I was like I better get the mouse out of this weed pen and she's on a fucking and then I'm in the airport and I'm like oh no here we go again do you know people say the munchies it's not there's nothing munchy about it it's full blown grotesque violent and bottomless pit
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I love a doer. I love having a tan. I love having a tan. But my holiday happy place is sitting in like open plan restaurants. Yeah. With a little umbrella, a little bit of shade and I'm reading and writing and chatting and drinking wine and eating and that's kind of what I like to do.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I couldn't even tell you I came to you on the flight covered in Turkish Delight wrappers oh yuck family pack of Turkish Delights two Pringles a tube who the hell eats Turkish what you like Turkish you don't even like Turkish Delights I do I love them you like them yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
both of you do yeah you're fucking disgusting I know it's weird I was also caught it was like I don't know what I had to do and I'm not talking did you sleep the whole way home then this isn't me I don't like to put negative connotations on food or anything like that there's no such thing I'm sorry Turkish Delights is disgusting everyone knows that you can say that I didn't mean Turkish Delights I just meant as in gorging on binging on food it's all fine it's grand it was just the shock at how much I was able to put away that's like me when I'm hungover
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Yeah, no, this was no vote. Sorry, this was next level. This was very much not a natural state to be in. There was just no ending to it. And then I got on the plane, I had my one dinner, and then I said, can I have another dinner, please? And she was like, what? And I was like, can I have a second dinner, please? Because there's always dinners floating around on planes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
She's like, okay, bring me a second dinner. I've never seen anyone ask for a second dinner. Yeah, I had my hand up. Second dinner, please. Like I was in school. She brings me a second tiny dinner, because they're fucking tiny. I I go to sleep, wake up, I'm hungry again. Who gets hungry on a plane? I literally haven't done anything. I just sat there, hungry again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Well, Jesus Christ, did I do that? Anyway, my point is, it's great. I'm glad to get a break from, well, I love being in the sun. It's nice to come home.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
I can't do it. Yeah, it's okay. No one's forcing you to drink. I've said this for ages. I don't think you should. It's the bloody, honestly.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
Has that restaurant shut down in South Africa now that you've left because you were the one who was actually propping it up? Well, the vineyards are all, the vineyards are doing a whip around. They've set up a GoFundMe because there isn't a grape left in them. Not a grape. Yeah.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
So what I found is, because I was on the dating apps a little bit in Cape Town and I did a bit of dating. Yeah. More just out of, more just research. What were their names and were they South African? I feel like men are my specialist topic and I'm always willing to learn more. I always want to learn more about them. Were they what? Were they South African?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
yeah I don't mind it it wouldn't be my I'd much rather a London accent now in East London yeah East London it's nice but it's quite clippy or something oh no very attracted to that it's clippy it's clippy it is clippy it's clippy but anyway they're mad for like because it's a really fit place it's all it's like beach culture sunny it's kind of like Bondi vibes Camps Bay where I was I couldn't get a man to suggest going for a drink no matter how hard I tried what do they want to they just wanted sports
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
We go for a dip. Are you fucking insane? I'm trying to have a one night stand, Jürgen. What are we going to do after our morning dip? What are we going to do then? Just ride in the sand? Ride in the dunes? No. We're going to go for dinner and drinks like normal people. So eventually I was just like, look, I don't swim. I just said to all of them, I don't swim.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
and say that's what's famous for its wine not anymore I say you have to work on something else you have to look at maybe getting some beer going or something not a grape left even the real grapes I ate them too did you I left them in the sun hoping they'd turn into wine because I drank all the wine did you how many times did you eat at that restaurant that I always sell pictures of oh every day and then I got embarrassed because I would then try and break it up like do you know because you're like I can't go back there hi Joanne I'm like hey Peter yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
That wasn't even a lie. You know, I can swim. I was like, I don't swim. I'm not going kayaking. I'm not going paragliding with a stranger. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
no paragliding isn't even fun have you done it it's crap and one of my friends here because I was saying it to her and she said randomly she went on a date with a guy from South Africa in London and the same thing he wanted to do some sort of kite surfing so I guess that's their culture but I found it difficult I struggled
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
That's why I haven't seen, you haven't seen me on a Sunday in a very long time. In a very long time.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
But I think that's really nice because I think you should have those people who meet those needs. Like different people meet different needs and you should have people who run with you and all that jazz. I have one friend, Rachel, who'll go for a run with me. No one else does. Yeah. Yeah, you should.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
What you need to do, it's like what I've done a little bit is I'm trying to meet people with similar interests. As I'm older, I like to meet interesting single women who like a drink and they like a date and they like to go to shows or whatever that is. Excuse me, I like to go for, not a drink, I like to go for shows. Yeah, but you're not single and you don't really go to pubs.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
God Bless...
There would have been a vibe. I maybe wouldn't have acted on it because I had respect for you but there definitely would have been a vibe. Do you ever fancy anyone's dad?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Yeah, it's a two-parter. There's more to come. It's only halfway done.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Oh, well, that makes more sense, Jo. The end of the film is half-time of the musical.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Are you sure you weren't watching Moana 2? That's an hour and 40.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I'd be aware of the time. I'm not sort of...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
Well, I mean... There's one on every street.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
I have no control over the temperature. I'm sorry.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!
God. We can still negotiate. You can negotiate me down if you want.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Zero. When I hear of Jo being asleep before midnight, I'm like, that's what I want to do next year.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, you're always... I even remember back to the millennium. Do you remember that? I just remember going drinking in the streets because we were that age. Some people had a very good one. This girl went to see Fred again in Galway. And I thought, I know, you would have loved that. This was one of my favourites.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
He's amazing. He's amazing. My house nearly burned down on Christmas Day. Four fire engines. All good though. What? What a positive person. Four fire engines? Were they bored? That's amazing. For hours it didn't burn down. Well, it didn't because of them. Okay, look at this one. Hello, I have one but please keep it on. It involves mushroom chocolates.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I had to have a, oh God. Anyway, we're back. I hope everyone's finding it easier. Well, to be honest with you, people aren't really back to work till the six. I just found out today, Louise, my manager, was like, why are you ringing me? And I was like, I'm just like, ringing to chat about a couple of things. She's like, I'm not back to work till Monday. I was like, well, why am I back to work?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Ate far too much and hallucinated a stain on the floor under the table. Spent two hours on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor and even when my friends took away the sponge I started to pretend scrub. I flashed my whole bum to everyone at the dinner I was wearing a short black dress. That was all the same girl. That sounds like a pretty impressive piece.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's like the ones that you hear. Well, did the man ever eat that fella's face then in Miami or was that not?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Oh my God, Joanne. I wouldn't. Honestly. By the way, I've been watching this show.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
New year 2014. Out and wasted. Girl wanted to try on my glasses in the bathroom. Gave them to her. Went to the loo and forgot. Went back to my pals and he asked where they were. Suddenly realised I was absolutely blind. What? Had to wear my prescription sunglasses until the opticians opened on the 3rd. Was called Stevie Wonder and working there after.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
You'd be thinking they might have a spare pair if things were that bad, you know what I mean? Well, he did, but they were sunglasses. They were sunglasses. I made an idiot mistake of voice recording 23.45 minutes of my family New Year's Eve party and sent it to the guy I fancy. Oh, nice. Order Domino's 2 for Tuesdays, even though it was only me. Wild.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'd say that you were literally so thirsty the next day. Whenever I have Domino's, I wake up and I'm like, I'm so thirsty. Is it salty? It's so, so salty. It's obviously delicious, but that's why.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's getting announced today. It's so exciting. What? Well, you'll be happy to hear I'm finally putting my degrees to use. Go on. My construction degrees. Do you remember that time I had to go down to, what's it called? Cornwall? Remember? Yes. So I was recording a sizzle for Channel 4, which is basically like a little show to see if it will go out. And now it is going out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm building I'm back to building no so basically it was a show it's already a show it's called Renovation Rescue and there's new hosts on it so I am one of the new hosts amazing and also a DIY expert Luke so we will be around to fix your window boxes in the NY
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
okay flowers your window boxes oh sorry mine personally sorry so it's basically it's a show it's a show on channel 4 it's about builders who've basically fucked people over and wrecked their house and we're going in and showing them how they can fix things themselves and do little bits themselves so it like lessens the cost because they've already lost loads of money and like it's one of those like here's our house when it's like in bits and here's our house when it's amazing so I'm so happy yeah
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
And then she was like, well, I work till the 23rd of December. And I'm like, oh, are you flu shaming me now? Because I couldn't work when I was sick.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
How many years is that now I've been trying for that?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I know, but I always did want to have a show to do it, like renovation and stuff like that. So it's really exciting to do this. Congratulations, Vogue. What a great start to the year. A fantastic start to the year. I'm bloody delighted.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I feel desperate. I can't believe that happened to you in that place. Go on.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It was awful looking. It was terrible. I don't even want to stick up for them. But like you... Honestly, Spenny and I go there and we're like, oh, let's go there for food. Yeah, let's go and have... Because it's so delicious.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
She eats her dinner at nine o'clock. Weird. That's weird. And like she doesn't eat breakfast till like 11 in the morning. Very bad for the gut.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Bad timing. Strange timing. But like I can't imagine what your schedule is, Joanne. Like what time do you eat?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
you know you're not paying the bills does it not worry you like that like when you realise that you're turning into your mother like I've realised that like I realised that about a year ago when Alza and Spenny stand in the kitchen bitching about me because I've given out about something like they just permanently bitch about me because I'm like the mom of the house fucking wrecking everyone's head yeah the mom but you are the mom of the house and I'm the mom of my house that's what happens we're running homes now we're running homes
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
When are you taking your decorations down? Your tree's still up there behind you. Mine are gone. I'm waiting for someone to do it.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I, to be honest with you, I can't even stand the sight of people's outdoor lights anymore. As soon as it was the 26th of December, I was like, get them out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Hang on, Joanne McNally. Fire safety issue. I don't think that they're my lights. I think you bought your own lights and I just gave you the decorations.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Joanne going around fucking kicking shit around her apartment being pissed off at me, that little bitch.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Do you know what though? I don't understand. Like, why would you want to... I actually genuinely wouldn't want to fabricate an egg. I'd be like, what do I do with that? Like, how can I... You put it on display. Yeah, but I want it to be on display. If you're spending that much money on something, I want it to be on display on my person.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I don't think you're going to manage to get a return off the potato people anyway. It just seems like a slight bit of a scam. One of my... Very negative attitude, folks. Maybe it was a mistake. Huh? Could have been a genuine mistake. Did you see the... There was a headline, right? So there's loads of things. You know all those predictions. I love the New Year's predictions.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
But there was a headline in 2016 and a prediction said that women would be having more sex with robots than men by 2025. Now... Obviously, we're still not riding robots. Well, I don't think so. Well, I'm in. But there's a rumor. There's a rumor going around about Kim Kardashian. So she basically has one of their optimists, one of the Tesla optimist bots.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
And she keeps putting up these like kind of mad photos that look like thirst traps. She's kind of all over the robot. And everyone's kind of saying that she's having sex with a robot. Yeah. He's holding his hand and stuff.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I just don't fancy them, though. Why are you throwing eggs in the air fryer?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I've got to be honest I didn't there was not one moment from when I started feeling better in December till yesterday that I was I never felt hunger there was no hunger to be felt I just kept topping off even when I woke up in the morning and you know when I wake up in the morning I'm starving I'd wake up in the morning and I'd be like oh god all that chi like the chi it's the charcuterie boards do you want they really get me of course it is they get me it's the sharkas sharkas will get you
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
No, which is worrying. She's on the dark web and she's experimenting with AI now. It's all getting a bit much and a bit scary.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Well, I haven't been saying, in fairness, I haven't been saying that nice things about it because I don't understand it and it scares me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Well, that just goes to show what I've always said. It doesn't work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
No, that AI doesn't work. It's not true. It's not right. It doesn't work.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Okay, cool. ChatGPT can like write a book for people, but it can't do its real job.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Do you know, I know you do, because you just know everything that is on the internet, I believe. You should be working for Tesla and anyone AI. You know the whole internet. You know everything about it. Do you know Baba Vanga?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
So that one who does all of her predictions? Yes.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
She is a woman. She lost her sight at 12 after a freak storm, but claimed her vision of the future grew stronger. And she basically, she does get some things wrong, but some of her predictions have been brilliant. But do you want to hear her predictions for 2025?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Okay. 2025, we'll see earthquakes ravage the world.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, we'll have the hottest year on record. Woo!
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Dwayne hasn't been washing out her yogurts again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm back on like, I am back on sort my life out. I was telling Joanne, I got straight on to Debbie Thomas, my facialist yesterday. And I was like, I don't know if there's anything you can do to help me. But I will be in stat.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Aliens are going to make contact during a major supporting event. Supporting? Supporting. They must be having some kind of festival.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I can't imagine the aliens are coming over to play football. Well, I just don't know what a supporting event is. I don't know. Maybe we'll just team up.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I don't know. I think it kind of could be. And suppose a human telepathy will become a reality.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'd be very concerned now if people could see what I'm thinking or know what I'm thinking. I wouldn't like that at all. No.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
The vaccine I saw, you know, when you see like, when you're just looking through your likey things and sometimes you see comments that you wouldn't have seen. There was another comment about like, oh yeah, like I'm buying someone off that woman who was paid a fortune to promote vaccines. Why does everyone think I'm pushing vaccines? I haven't got paid once for any vaccine ever.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I don't know, but like I keep seeing that. I'm like, why does that? I think it's because I did, like I posted when I got my COVID vaccine. But like, I'm not like, I don't get the COVID vaccine anymore. I was just, sometimes I like it. If there's a bandwagon, will I jump on it? Yes, I will.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yeah, exactly. They told us we were going to die.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It was a herd mentality. But I know somebody who gets them every six months and I'm very close to that person. I'm like, you can't be telling people that.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Well, if you need any more medical advice, please do get in touch. And Pfizer, I'll be on for my fee. Thank you. What was the other one? And AstraZeneca, I will be on. Johnson, Johnson. AstraZeneca, I'll be in contact too. Thank you. Bill's got to be paid. Virus has got to be squashed.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
you everyone for listening we were in a strange form today I'd say but it is our first day back to work and we will see you for the bonus next week
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I had to wait six hours. Of course you won, Debbie. There's nothing you can do for me.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Oh no, I'm, I'm, I'm sonning. I'm full of, I'm full of hope for this year. I'm, I was still sweating in bed though last night, you know, the overindulgence, the one thing that bothers me most about it is the excessive sweating at night. Cause your body's like, now that's what you get. Like I had to change. I usually wear my pajamas two nights in a row.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I don't know if anyone finds that disgusting, but I wear them two nights in a row. Not last night. Yeah, I wear them. No, I'm saying why is that disgusting?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I used to wear my pyjamas three days in a row. And my friend Rona said to me, are you wearing your pajamas again? When she was staying the night, she pajama shamed me. And I was like, why? How often am I meant to change the pajamas? Because I thought every third night was grand. She's like, every second night, at least.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Now the only thing is, as you know, I am an ambassador for Faerie, so it's very important to me to discuss all my washing habits and how often I wash clothes and how I never want to wash clothes again after washing clothes in Ireland for everyone because when you start... I'm lost.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
What's happening? Yeah, they paid me privately. Hashtag ad.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Am I not an ambassador as well by default? I think I'll get... Listen, I'll get them to send you a box, right? The box? That'd be lovely, yeah. Well, what washing powder do you actually use?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Doesn't matter. I was going to, Joanne and I decided to swap roles in 2025 where I was going to fuck things up and she was going to be ready and organised with the headphones sorted and everything.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
You don't even know what another one is called. Go on. Wizards. What's another? Well, fairies.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
The beauty of it is it's always on sale. So like I have this pre... Oh God, this is such a sad conversation. I have this, I do this shop on Ocado every week, right? Here's a trick. I have a trick and a tip. So I do my shopping on Ocado every week and it does your regulars into my basket, which is fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
But then what I do is I unclick the fairy and then reclick it and magically three quid off and do it with all those bits. Do your dishwasher tablets and do it with your like varnish powder or anything else that you use. Gone. Yeah. Because everything's always on sale. I've never paid full price for scent boosters.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
No, because like they'll have put it in at the previous week's price and then maybe that week they put the prices down. So I'll always have a little, always have a little look around for dishwasher tablets and your washing tablets. There's always, some of them are always on sale.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Anything to save a dollar. It's fantastic. Well, I need to after Christmas. I'm going away for Christmas next year. I'm going away alone. And I'm going to save myself. Actually, I'm not going to save myself any money because I'm going to spend it all on myself on my holiday, on my own.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I saw your reading post and I was like, that lucky bitch. Imagine reading during the day. It was lovely. We went away and we went to Glen Affric. And like when we were in Ireland, like I just assumed, like I have friends and family there. I just assumed one of them, one of them might say, do you want me to take the kids off for a walk for half an hour? Not once.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Yesterday I was like, I think I've hit the end of the road here. I was like, My mind. And T has started doing this thing where he just walks around screaming the whole time or making these insane noises. So there's never one tiny moment of quiet. And now I'm like, I know. Well, I actually was so glad to have the time off work. And I was like, this is great.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I can look at me playing hide and seek with my kids. I'm never playing hide and seek again.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I've had a great spot behind this door that they've never found me. And I was just on the Daily Mail app for like 20 minutes, keeping myself up to date on celebrities' Christmases. Like I needed to know what the Beckhams were up to.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
The Fleetwood Mac song. Yeah. Well, you know. I saw us outside Super Value there the other day. And my little niece Jeannie was like, oh look, to her mom, oh look, there's Vogue and her therapist.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I have a text with that yesterday. I was like, oh God.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I'm not letting you call her Gwendolyn. I'm sorry. It's a no. Gwendolyn. No, it's not being called Gwendolyn. For anyone who's called Gwendolyn, it's a lovely name, but it's not the right one for Joanne's baby. Your baby needs to be called like Blaze or something.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Okay, I didn't know about the Markovich. Now that makes sense. Yeah, after the Countess.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
My therapist ghosted me with myself, Joanne McNally, and my co-host, Vogue Williams.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Take Spenny down to your gaff for a few days and he'll sort it out.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
The thing that people don't tell you is that like, even though like yesterday I had had it up to there, like today I couldn't wait to wake up and see them. So you'll want to see Gwendolyn every day.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
Oh, I did this call out for, sorry, hang on. Can we first talk about what did we do on New Year's? Joe, you look like you were sick in bed, were you?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
At least you made Christmas. At least you made Christmas. That's all people kept saying to me. You made Christmas. You're fine.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
No, I haven't recorded. I sure haven't finished the book. I'm in the middle of editing it. Oh, okay. I need to get around to that. I know, because I thought I was like, I'm going to work over Christmas. What are you talking about? No, no, no, not a tap was done. And then trying to get me back here today. That's why I think there needs to be a warning for people who are taking a lot of time off.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's very difficult to get back on the train. And to be fair, I'm only talking to you and I like you guys. So it's a nice ease into it, you know?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
It's still beautiful, wintry, gorgeous morning. Do you want to say she can't say autumnal anymore?
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
You loved, and don't forget your best friend. You loved her audiobook. Vanessa Feltz.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
I don't. I was up in Glen African, people. We moved the table so everyone could dance. And then they're like, come on, let's go dance. And I'm like, no, listen, I've already warned you guys. It's not what I'm mad for. It's not the dancing. But we went kind of wild, not too wild, because obviously the kids wake up at 7am.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally
But I did a shout out for some New Year's, what other people got up to New Year's, because I always love hearing people's plans, because I think it's always such a tough one to, like with New Year's, you feel like you have to, oh, Joe's got his glasses on now. Where's mine? With New Year's, I feel like you always have to have some amazing plan or something. Everyone just... Next year, I'm doing...
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
You're such a mad bastard since you had the second kid. He is. He couldn't give a shit. Very naughty. I used to say naughty in England. I hate that word.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
DIY, Conclave & Trolls
Remember the spank paddles? Oh my God. Where is my spank paddles?