Wade
Appearances
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
No, no, no, no. This is a baby howler monkey after the teat is pulled from its mouth and it's not done eating yet. No. You fool! Okay, yeah, you're right.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
You want some? You're also going to get the, oh man, you're also on the wheel for the eating.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I don't know if it's the sound. There is like a snorty noise they make at the beginning of that video, right?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
It's really hard to snort and then make a scream noise right through it.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
Yeah, so I forget the name of this animal, but I will describe it and you will know exactly what I'm talking about. But this is not a crocodile or an alligator. It's the longer, more needle-nosed one during sex.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
Listeners, imagine something terrifying making that noise that we will not describe in any more detail. Uh, right. Except for the fact that it's a bird with a blue face and a red... It's a cassowary.
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Animal Noises Too
I don't like the facial expression, but the sound was pretty good. Was that your dick, man? What was that?
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Animal Noises Too
Do I have to compete at this point? Because I'm not going to get closer than that.
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Animal Noises Too
i couldn't get the suction because i started laughing don't laugh you're gonna mess me up that's better well that's what i was trying to do but i started laughing so it just came out Or whatever the fuck it was. I heard... Stop laughing! Because I'm trying to picture a human doing that fucking bird face.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I want the point, but I'd have to agree. I think Bob beat me on that one.
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Animal Noises Too
This is a bird that has seen war and is mimicking war. Oh, hold on. I got to play with my phone. It's so big. Can I vote we don't try to mimic that sound? I'll break my teeth. Well, don't do that. You don't have to do that. My mouth hurts.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
That was my armrests, and also at one point, one of them fully just went down, even though it shouldn't, without pressing the button, so I'm a little concerned.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I know this one. This is a parrot that sits in the kitchen and hears when the microwave is done. No, no, no. One more time, one more time. Okay.
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Animal Noises Too
Baking powder, baking soda in your nose. Oh, wait, hold on. I'm trying to remember the scary movie cocaine quote. I don't remember it.
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Animal Noises Too
body spasms he was trying to flop oh i am flopping i am flopping below the desk i want you to know there is flop i feel like it could have just been hey hey yeah if you have a deep voice i feel like there's an extra quality to it i think we were trying to add that maybe isn't even there yeah there's a little rumbling
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Animal Noises Too
it sounds like you're pushing the buttons on the speak and spell really aggressively and it's like trying to talk but it's like getting cut off it also feels like there's a little bit of a tap in the voice that i think i was going for gravelly but maybe that's not like a teeth there's something else there's like a teeth chat there's like another noise behind it there's like one but it's tiny
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Animal Noises Too
With your burping and my like gravelly, I thought we were on the right track, but maybe we were crazy.
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Animal Noises Too
You should. It was much smaller than that monkey's nose, but the effort was there.
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Animal Noises Too
All right, Wade. that's adorable i know this one uh this is the sound you make after you eat skyline chili and you're on your first date and you go to the movies afterward and you're really trying to conceal it but you gotta let one out okay i'll accept that it's not right but i accept okay also uh this is the sound of a baby blue jay no unfortunately red jay
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
He just got out of a tennis match. He signed up to play tennis and found out he was going to be the ball and was really upset about it.
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Animal Noises Too
I thought you were going to say a little iffy. That's a little bit too generous. She's never succeeded once in her life.
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Animal Noises Too
I hope that down there the traditions continue. It's like a Michelin star grilled cheese restaurant now.
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Animal Noises Too
I think to serve food, there's no permits or anything required. You're just allowed to sell food.
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Animal Noises Too
But I think telling you to do it is probably illegal advice because I imagine there are some regulations with selling food. That said, I love the idea and I'm on your side of doing it anyway.
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Animal Noises Too
I just want to know when the distinction, like when do you have to... They let us do it.
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Animal Noises Too
sure sure okay all right i think that's great oh what's new what's new um yeah we did that thing for daredevil but i actually started watching it and i was very sad that all of it wasn't out because i wanted to keep binging i was really enjoying it good show so far and uh i still want to go back and re-watch the old one i read one of those articles that kind of like recaps the original so that way it prepares you for this one but i started watching and i'm pretty into it hell yeah
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
It's the first time I've binged a show in like two years. I have not watched a lot of shows. I've been missing a lot of the different Marvel things and whatnot. I just haven't made time to watch it. But I was like, you know, for this one, I will. And I started watching it, and it's pretty good.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
weekend i was like ah i've got this whole weekend to enjoy being outside rainy biggest wind we've had since like last fall thunderstorms puddles poo everything terrible poo raining from the sky what happened it didn't do that up here we only live half an hour apart maybe it was the dogs but it was just the poo everywhere and i thought it was from the clouds deer rabbit i don't know wolf i mean elephant something pooped all over the yard that's definitely elephant
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Animal Noises Too
What are you looking at as you say that? You? I'm looking right at you. Why are we down there?
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Animal Noises Too
I don't have time to grocery shop. I'm always busy, but more importantly, I'm very lazy. I like to have things delivered because it's convenient. Meat. What else people buy?
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Animal Noises Too
It's a little unsettling when you're like, I'm fine. Can't you tell by the way I look at you?
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Animal Noises Too
What plant makes that noise? Is it horticulture gardening? Am I crazy?
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Animal Noises Too
I don't know this one, but it sounds like a pig or a boar. Something with a boar.
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Animal Noises Too
You guys think I remember what happened last episode. You are crazy. I have the worst memory of all of us combined. Subtractually memory.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
actually me is a bitch and i would just deal with it and be annoyed but i would just deal with it i'm putting it down a point for actually a bitch yeah that's just the truth of the matter i i very much when i'm in a restaurant whatever happens unless my food's wrong then i'm nice i'm like hey this is wrong can i get it fixed i will not eat bad i want my food right but uh as far as like bad service i just deal with it i'm like you know this sucks they're probably having a shit day i can get mad but what's that gonna do that might spit in my food i'm just gonna
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Illegal Advice Too
suck it up and deal with it you want some good illegal advice yes i do at this particular place i believe you do get bread so i would get the bread i would stuff some in a bag or just hide it or just ask for some more to go just keep getting bread wait outside like hiding in a bush until close figure out where this person's car is
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Illegal Advice Too
And then now that you know which car is theirs, you come back the next day, and you stuff all the bread in their exhaust pipes when they go to leave, their car just explodes. That'll fucking teach them.
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Illegal Advice Too
It's a really long, that wire that catches fire before the dynamite explodes. Fuse?
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Illegal Advice Too
That's the word. I'm going to be, you guys realize the older I get, the scarier I will become because I have the worst memory of anyone I know right now. And it's all downhill from here when I can't remember the word fuse.
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Illegal Advice Too
I go descriptor. I'm like, you know, I can't think of the thing I'm thinking of. So long fire cord. Leads to dynamite booms.
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Illegal Advice Too
Yeah, and as they're, like, screaming for help, you drop a banner that just says, we'll be right with you. And then remember us, party of eight, in parentheses. Yeah.
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Illegal Advice Too
Make sure they really know. And then you get some art made of you guys at the table so that they really know.
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Illegal Advice Too
I also know the term nickel bag from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
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Illegal Advice Too
Every time I do, they make me high. I think we both went the wrong way on this, Bob. What did Mark say at the start? He's like, when you're here, you're family or whatever. So what we should have done, we should have kidnapped the waiter or waitress, taken them someplace, concreted their feet. And then when they ask why, we go, because we were family. You didn't treat us like family.
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Illegal Advice Too
I'm Ohio mob. But yeah, I was supposed to be. You let down the family. You let down the family.
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Illegal Advice Too
All right, it is an option. All right, but what if you find your server's crush and you have a kid and you leave the kid on their doorstep as your final revenge? They've got to raise your kid with their crush.
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Illegal Advice Too
What you do is you help them hook up where they get to have sex, but it turns out they're at Camp Crystal Lake where having sex is a death sentence and then Jason Voorhees comes and machetes him.
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Illegal Advice Too
Problem solved forever. I can't believe you did an entire episode about Olive Garden. All right, we got some more, Bob. Let's go back.
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Illegal Advice Too
Not Southwest anymore, apparently. Do you see what they're getting away with? They're stopping their one thing people liked, which was the free bags.
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Illegal Advice Too
I don't know why I picture them all looking like Fonzie, but out of Thriller and kind of walking like with their hands going like this and like bent leg as they approach the belt. Exactly that.
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Illegal Advice Too
You just burst a bunch of stink bombs inside of it. Then you turn on the fog.
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Illegal Advice Too
Wade, what do you got? All right, here's what you do. You've been waiting. They come up. They think they're all smooth, right? They're smooth sliding by. You get right in front of you like, oh, pardon me. And they get right in front of you to get their bag. Well, that's why you carry around your travel sandpaper. You get your travel sandpaper out. You put it on the conveyor belt.
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Illegal Advice Too
And slowly their skin just gets ripped off by the sandpaper. Then their bag comes and boops their nose just to rub it in even further.
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Illegal Advice Too
It's a good size like square, but you do have to like rub it. Wait for it to come around, rub it again.
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Illegal Advice Too
All right. I get there early. Like before I like the pre-flight long time. And I know a guy who works at the airport. So I get some time to set up. You're waiting for your bag. Everyone's got their like generous three feet. We'll call it three feet of space. Put them in the conveyor belt. And then people start coming in. They get close. And then they're like the little err, err.
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Illegal Advice Too
And you hear the conveyor start to go. But as that triggers, something else triggers. And everyone standing within that one foot radius of the conveyor belt
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Illegal Advice Too
They were there too early. Oh, fucking Chris Pratt. And then they lift up, and you got your space to get your bags if you were patiently waiting the correct amount of space.
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Illegal Advice Too
Well, you bring your little shit bag out, pull it on out of your backpack, a little shit bag for the little shits that you have to deal with when you're at the aquarium. Is it a bag for shit? No, no, no. For little shits, little shits, like with a hyphen, not little shits, but little shits. Thank you.
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Illegal Advice Too
okay got it so you go on etsy or amazon one of these sites you order a captain america outfit you put it on you're running up behind them as they're walking to get the path and you say on your left and then they hopefully move out of the way and you pass All right. That's such a wild swings from. Hey, listen, I give you a variety of options. You choose what level of intensity you want to go.
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Illegal Advice Too
If you think it's an even one, I'm okay with respins on this if we can't figure it out.
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Illegal Advice Too
I laughed really hard at my own stuff, Bob's stuff. Like, I think we all had some bangers, so I don't know.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
All right. Wade. I'm happy to be someone's muse if that's what it is. I just enjoy the laughter. I think laughing and smiling is so much better than the alternative. So even if I lose, knowing that we got to laugh, even if no one watching or listening laughed, I laughed. I found us hilarious. And that's all that really matters. What a hot take. Laughter fun.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Blocking babies off the backboard. Complaining to the refs when the baby trips me.
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Illegal Advice Too
Mark, I think you're going to relate to my small talk a little bit. Okay. The deer. The damn deer, man. Yes! I'm giving you a point right away. I don't even know what it's about, but I know. Outside, it is nice. It's warming up. But here in Cincinnati, we had a lot of snow. And we had a really wet period where it was like snow and rain and snow and rain.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
And apparently the deer going through our yard, I don't know what happened, but they have made a muck of everything. There's just deer prints and hooves. Molly has bird feeders. The bird feeders are like half destroyed. One of them is like half buried in the mud. It looks like the Planet of the Apes scene where like the Statue of Liberty heads on the ground or whatever.
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Illegal Advice Too
It's just a total nightmare out there. And around every spot of our yard that looks awful, deer hoof prints everywhere. Annihilated it. We should annihilate them back. I thought about putting on some deer hoof shaped shoes and walking on them. And then I realized none of that would work. So I'm still working on a plan.
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Illegal Advice Too
I don't think it would attract them unless they're like the step on me weighty. Like, I don't know if they'd like that.
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Illegal Advice Too
You were going to say for all you hunters out there, go to Wade's house.
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Illegal Advice Too
I'm going to wake up like, open the curtains, just be nothing but deer blinds my entire yard. Deer blinds? That's what they're called, right? The things people post up and hunt deer?
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Illegal Advice Too
I have one time, and I didn't shoot anything because I couldn't bring myself to do it, but my friend was a hunter, and he's like, yeah, you gotta come with me. I hated every second of it. I was like, oh god, I hope you miss. I was like the anti-hunter. I was like, do I tackle him to save the deer? What do I do?
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Illegal Advice Too
It was not a pleasant experience for me. I've always admitted to being a hypocrite. I can eat meat, but if I had to hunt my own food, I would starve to death.
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Illegal Advice Too
There are okay some. Well, I'm just saying. What are we, live on stage in Pittsburgh? Hey, it's better than what happened with Tyler in France. Or Ethan in Zalberg.
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Illegal Advice Too
I just love that we started off like pre-show. We're like, all right, we're not going to do any funny accents. We're just going to do our show normally. And the first thing Ethan did was the berg.
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Illegal Advice Too
I hate watching deer go around with their big proboscis sucking blood out of wolves and coyotes. Good. Can you imagine? The vampire deer. What would a deer mosquito be called? A daquito? No.
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Illegal Advice Too
I thought he was going to, like, put on a mustache and be like, all right, I'll be your waiter.
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Illegal Advice Too
Oh, that's the eating section. You were in the waiting section. Right.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
he got food in my water hey it's pretty good I'm not doing this for points I'm just starving oh no Tyler got me the poo book and I actually got water in my poo does it turn back into poo if you get too much water on it I don't know I went to set my water down and I don't know what happened but I like I became the Hulk for a second and squeezed really hard but then I also like pushed it as I did so I like squeezed it and threw it and just go ahead do your thing man
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We've Never Done This Before
It's like our F your dreams, F your nightmares. I'm going to beat you t-shirts coming soon. I wouldn't promise too much.
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We've Never Done This Before
I'm a stalactite because I'm inside and I'm just hanging out.
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We've Never Done This Before
It was also true. I'm a homebody. I like to chill. So wait, which one are you? Tight. Tights are the ones that hang, I believe. I had to look it up because I never remember the might versus tight. I don't know how tight, ceiling, might, floor. I don't know. What's the connection?
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Yeah. I think Lucky's kids, like there's one that inherits the family business and the rest go to work for Santa.
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We've Never Done This Before
Lucky the Leprechaun. That doesn't make any sense. Also known as Sir Charms.
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We've Never Done This Before
Are you answering, Bob? I guess it's only us answering, but I'm curious what represents you.
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We've Never Done This Before
Oh, the Great Lakes are freshwater, but they become saltier to increase... Okay. They're not salt water, but they are saltier.
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We've Never Done This Before
It's in my top three. It's the gritted teeth, the heart emoji, and then the shrug. It's the guy going like,
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Well, I think you still get a choice, but Mark and I apparently don't.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
You be whoever you want to be. I was going to pick you for height. I like height.
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We've Never Done This Before
Also, you could finally get a movie out. Unlike someone we know.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Or you could play Monster Hunter and build a new set of armor every time you kill a new monster.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Oh, this guy gets way too many views. I only watch small creators. He's pretty small. He's even shorter than Mark, I think. Yeah, probably. Not height. I watch tall creators that get small amounts of view. Is it a bot that scams people? Is that the video I need?
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We've Never Done This Before
I feel like an ice wall is forming between you two and I right now.
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We've Never Done This Before
And then I eat my way out. And you just eat your way out. My first thought was chapstick because some of it smells so good. Like there's a cherry one.
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We've Never Done This Before
I would eat garbage. Oh. Then I wouldn't have to deal with it or throw it away. There wouldn't be a mess. I could just get rid of it.
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We've Never Done This Before
And we've thought a lot alike lately, and it's usually not ended well for me.
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We've Never Done This Before
I don't know if this is true, but the first one I thought of was finish what you start.
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We've Never Done This Before
Bro, the blockchain, bro. What do you mean? Everyone's like Bitcoin's worth so much, but no one ever gets their money from it. It's just worth so much.
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We've Never Done This Before
I guess the importance of a college degree would also be like, I feel like college was important. The degree itself.
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We've Never Done This Before
But like, I still think education is important. Just the degree itself maybe isn't as useful, but I'm glad I had philosophy.
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We've Never Done This Before
You said that's your favorite. You just said pick a favorite.
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We've Never Done This Before
But look, I've got family and friends here. There's a lot of restaurants, familiarity, comfort. I think cost living. I think it's beautiful here. Those are all great things. But man, I can't imagine living in a place where I can't get Cincinnati chili.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
sure let's know how it is but yeah I don't know man I like my skyline my gold star I've not tried blue ash chili yet I want to try it but like it's one of the things that's I can't see myself leaving behind there's one that opened in Orlando someone that trained in our hometown of Milford there's a skyline there they opened a location down in Orlando Florida it'll never be as good as it is here no for sure
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. Bob, when you asked what is a measles party, I thought of Weekend Update whenever Stefan used to be on there. They're like, what is a measles party? The hottest club in New York is measles party.
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We've Never Done This Before
Cincinnati chili. That's how I did it. I was like, Cincinnati chili. Perfect.
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We've Never Done This Before
No, but you exaggerate it when you're trying to do the cello balls.
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We've Never Done This Before
Communication. Broad, but I like it. God, man, the ability to talk and communicate, listen and speak, the most important in relationships, life, everything. So many things are just, they go wrong in everything because of lack of communication, proper communication.
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We've Never Done This Before
That's a little different, but I see what you're going with it.
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We've Never Done This Before
We usually do wheel last, but you can do whatever order you want, man.
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We've Never Done This Before
I'm not going to talk to my Palpatine therapist after this episode. You might think I was prepared to roll a three-sided die.
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We've Never Done This Before
Yippee! Wait, hold on. You're welcome. It's got to be in there somewhere.
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We've Never Done This Before
If I wear a green shirt and I tell the editors to green screen it out, does that count? Because then I'd just be a floating hit.
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We've Never Done This Before
I looked for some punchlines. He was locked in during the small talk, and I was making light of it. I would say Mark was more locked in than I was.
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We've Never Done This Before
Bob, great episode as always. Thank you for having me. Mark, it was well thought. You were locked in. You were right there. But ultimately, it comes down to Palpatine and Chli. And if you don't have those two things in your life, what really do you have?
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We've Never Done This Before
You'd think they'd have to see good return on doing it or they wouldn't keep doing it. But there are so many and they're long. And when the movie time is supposed to start, the movie should start.
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We've Never Done This Before
that's stupid yeah there is something about advertising a movie starting at four that doesn't start at four that seems wrong but him being like i was late for work because of you it's like i knew what time it was and i chose not to leave and then i was late for work because i chose not to leave i also chose to watch a movie literally right before work Only showing this century of this movie.
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We've Never Done This Before
I assume it's similar, but I don't actually know. Here's what they're going to do to change it. They're going to have the movie start time, still play all the trailers, but movie length, three question marks.
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We've Never Done This Before
God, they adjust the whole movie to be like 1.1 speed. Just the whole thing to make sure it fits. Oh, no.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Well, you guys have heard about me reading Animorphs. You've heard about Path of Exile 2. You've heard me talk about Diablo 4. You've heard me talk about storage hunting. But have you heard me talk about Monster Hunter Wilds?
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We've Never Done This Before
no because it just came out but oh it's so fun i've already put so many how much time have i put into i've not had any time to play and yet somehow i already have let's take a look 22.8 hours that is a lot yeah when did you start it came out on friday Yeah, I saw on Twitter someone that already had 73 hours in the game, which is exactly how much time it's been out. I'm like hunter rank eight.
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We've Never Done This Before
I've seen people that are like high rank 106 and stuff like that. I'm playing a lot. It's a lot of fun. I feel like early on it feels easier than the other monster hunters, but some of the fights I've gotten to recently been a bit tougher, which is good. It's like a little bit more challenging. But not like impossible and annoying. So I've been having a lot of fun with it.
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We've Never Done This Before
I'm excited to get into the harder fights. But man, another game on Wade's playlist.
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We've Never Done This Before
I'll do what I always do. Abandon the games I love before I finish them.
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We've Never Done This Before
Because everyone loves when you don't finish what you start. Is that a slight against me? I feel like that's towards me. That did somehow feel like a personal attack against Mark. You edging me, man? I'm edging, but that was an indictment on myself, not you. My big thing is I never finish games that I start, except for like five times.
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We've Never Done This Before
This is why we don't have children. Hey, babe, you close? Yeah. All right. See ya. How's it going? Hey, I'm happy to help.
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We've Never Done This Before
Hour of my time, I got seen, consulted with a specialist, got my medicine. 20 bucks total.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined herein. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there is no penalty. Can you share me that one? I think a document might be better than this one. Did we sell pocket handbook constitutions? Did we ever do that? No. Did we actually do that? No. Did that idea get floated? Yes.
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The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like when the dentist gives you a pop quiz, two of your favorite things at once. Does that happen?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yes, it did. I was like, man, shouldn't we have our pocket constitution somewhere? Yeah, well, we would have had to really settle on some official text if we were going to do something like that. And let me tell you, if there ever was a living document, this one is the livingest. Wait, this is when I turned around. What is this? Wait, what? What did you link? Oh, nothing. What is that?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's nothing.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
that's just that's what you call not knowing how to copy and paste what are you looking at don't worry about that don't worry about that that's not related to anything that you may or may not be doing next time we record interesting all right okay i don't like where that's going i like that well i'll forget it i'll forget it this new keyboard has an extra button where my finger wants control to be and it just really gets in the way of stuff like that
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Pop quiz whether you flossed or not. And he knows the answer. He's like, do you need this tooth? I think so. No, you don't! And yanks it out. I think I told that story on this podcast, but that happened to me once. Dental pop quiz? No, the no you don't and then the yoink the tooth out. That sounds familiar. I had a serious problem with the roots of one of my back, one of my molars.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, this thing's over a page long. I don't have this kind of attention span anymore. Yeah, well, that's why I fed it into a chat GPT so it could give me a one-sentence summary of it. I can't stop yawning! Oh, bro, how are you going to do that? I think caffeine, I need to just stop forever. Because every time I drink a caffeine, I get real yawny.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And then I remember, hey, ADHD, caffeine sometimes doesn't work that way for me. And it just makes me more tired. But there's a very few rare opportunities where it actually does wake me up. And it's usually when I'm actually tired. When it does work. Oh, my God. But if I drink it when I'm not tired, I get tired. So why the fuck do I drink it? Because I'm habited and I'm addicted.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, it's literally addiction. I am in the same boat. When it hits, though, I'm like Fry in the Futurama episode where he drinks 300 cups of coffee. The caffeine hits and the entire world slows down around me like I'm Barry Kramer and it's miracles. I have not had an effect off caffeine in a long time. If I get hit with caffeine, I don't ever notice it anymore.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
You drink a lot of caffeine or not a lot of caffeine? Not much anymore, no. I'll have like maybe four or five drinks a week, which is a lot, but it's not as much as like I used to where it was like a couple of day. Energy drinks or like sodas? Like a Coke or something. Oh, I don't even consider those that have caffeine in them.
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If it's not measuring the caffeine in hundreds of milligrams, it's not caffeinated.
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oh okay i don't do energy drinks or like five hour energies or anything i don't drink those i gotta stop i drank an energy drink one time before a basketball game and i was like all fucking jittery throughout the basketball game and i was like i am never drinking one of these again remember remember mark you remember the big pile of blue amps in our dorm room the pyramid from floor to near ceiling and that was just tuesday night yes it was actually it literally was are you guys alive i don't know man
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Dude, we bunked our own beds with plastic coat hangers. Like, there's a lot. Mark used to just jump off buildings and hope he knew how to parkour. I did that exactly once, and I learned I don't know how to do this. Once would have been enough for me to not have survived college, so the fact that you lived is pretty good. I was boring. I've got an issue with the Constitution I just noticed.
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Maybe it's not with the Constitution, but maybe it's with an interpretation. You had an issue with the Constitution last time when we were making the entire Constitution. Yeah, well, this whole season, I remember Bob and I would talk and Mark's like, you better not make any handshake deals. Those are against the Constitution.
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All of these sections talk about how handshake deals can overturn parts of the Constitution. I never said it was against the Constitution. I just said you better not because it's always screwing me over. I'm pretty sure he did. Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? You said that we don't have red flags. No, we do from new things.
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Yeah, well, that was actually a thing that I thought was funny. In the text of the document, the red flag thing isn't in there. Technically, it says that you have the right to appeal. I don't know how we arrived at throwing a red flag. No, there was red flags. That was a thing. It absolutely was a thing. Mm. It is. It's in the other document.
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We could go back and watch the original episode, but I won't do that. Oh, I don't want to watch that. Yuck. We already know this video, this particular episode. No one's going to watch it. Should we just throw this out and do more broken news again? I mean, no, but yes. I already made the white guy's joke. I'm already on it.
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I had a couple foundational questions I felt like we should address, and otherwise I'm not too interested in parsing a bunch of legal language and stuff. Do we want to keep the Constitution? As a general thing, as a part of the podcast. I believe that it is good to have framework. I will agree. The wording needs to be officialized. We should hire a lawyer to join in on an episode.
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And it got like, just got worse and I kept putting it off. And when I finally went in, they did like an x-ray and the dentist was kind of like, I'm not sure how that thing's still in there. And they literally, like no anesthetic or anything, literally were just like, watch. And I was like, oh, that makes sense, I guess. Did it hurt? Yeah, well, it was hurting the whole time.
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actually make sure that the writing is both concise or a stenographer. One or the other, not both. I vote Bob. I'm not a lawyer. I vote Bob still. Bob, you either have to learn stenography or take the bar exam. One or the other. I don't want to do either of those. God damn. Fuck. You can't lie about it. He cannot lie about it. No, I would. I don't know about stenographers.
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Do stenographers have strict ethics? Because I definitely don't want to lie about anything having to do with lawyers and bar exams and shit, but stenographers might play it fast and loose. Who knows? Oh, they're tighter than lawyers. Okay, but if we're going to have a real one, it's got to actually be written properly.
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It doesn't have to have legal aims, but it just has to be written by us or someone we trust. And have terms that we can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Veto! Do I have veto power in my life? No, this is a tribunal. There's no such thing. Some of this sounds like work and I'm not here to work. I think I said that last constitution.
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Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined in this constitution. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there shall be no penalty. I think that's the best rule. Yeah, well, we need that rule or else this whole facade crumbles. What if we make the, instead of making it more concise, we make it more complicated?
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I think convolution is our checks and balances. I like that. So we could just start chucking ideas out and just tag in sections that maybe one person will remember one time to exploit as a... I like that. Okay. I keep zoning out. I'm already so bored of the Constitution. Why do you hate the Constitution? You hated it last year and it's only made the podcast better. Because I'm consistent.
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My hatred has made it better. You're damn right. No, the Constitution has made this podcast better by not being utter chaos. There's a time for chaos. Is that a pickle or a knife? That's a knife. What's in your other hand? The sheath. Oh, I thought it was a pickle. Why do you think so many things are pickles? I like being threatened by pickles, I guess. I don't know. Don't kick shame.
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Anyway, well, you know what? Let's just start throwing out new stuff, huh? How about that? All right, well, if we're throwing it out, why is that to be new? We'll just say it's thrown out. No, no, not give me new ideas. Throw just anything you want. The viewers can win an episode somehow. I like Skyline Chili. Is that a rule? Could be. I don't know. You said throw stuff out.
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Okay, if that's in the Constitution, you can never not like it. So if you ever go against the Constitution, you're breaking the law. What's the punishment for breaking the law? Um, you gotta fix it? The law? I guess, yeah. Like our government, there's no punishment for breaking the law. But there should be! Can we issue pardons? Someone would have to be president. What's the opposite of a pardon?
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Can we issue blamies? Blamies? Ha ha ha! You know, it's funny because on the coffee machine, I have a tag that says, am I going to have to blame Amy for this? Because one time she didn't clean out the coffee machine when she always does. And I never clean out the coffee machine. I don't know. Why is she with me? I'm such an asshole. Hey, buddy, don't be too hard on yourself.
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So when they did that, it stopped hurting. And I was like, ah. Last time I went to the dentist, which was like a year ago, so I really got to get back there. I didn't have a cavity, but it was like I had some gum issue, right? And they wanted to do a gum graft and to like make sure that you're flossing every day until your appointment. And I did. I flossed every day until my appointment.
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We ask ourselves the same thing. Yeah, that's true. Viewers can win. What happens if they win? They host. That doesn't have to be in here. Who is they? The viewers. They just all get together in a call and record an episode?
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The listeners and the viewers are separate entities, and they must be treated as such. So only the viewers can win? Either can win, but they don't win collectively, I think is what I'm getting at. I don't know why I'm waving the knife today. It just feels very... This tribunal feels hostile. I'm always hostile. Youth hostile. Is a hostel a hotel or a brothel? Definitely not a brothel. Could it be?
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Hopefully not. In your mind? Maybe? In the world? No, I don't think that that would be legal anywhere that that's a thing. Like a candy on your pillow? It's just like a naked person on your pillow? I don't want a random naked person on my pillow. I really don't want that. That might be an experience you could have in a hostel, but also it's not part of the fact that it's a hostel.
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Oh, I got crispy Jerry on my pillow. I don't want crispy Jerry on my pillow. Give me some more constitution bits. What do we got? I think boat can be any number of things on or near water. I want to expand boat. Well, I think we already were doing that. I don't think. I know, but that was on that was just on our of our own volition. But I'm just going to write boat can be anything.
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We do an episode from the inside of a whale. There's nothing stopping us. But if we were in the Constitution, I think it'll be argued that we must do that. And I don't want to do that. Boat can be anything we all agree is a boat. That's all I want to put in there. How about boat is any vehicle on or near water within a certain amount of distance from water? Within like a hundred yards.
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A football field distance away from a... So instead of being in like a pool or a tub or a lake, we're just in a car near it? Yeah. I'm going to put exactly what you said out loud, Mark. A hundred yards. One football field. Within like a football field distance from a body of water. Yeah. I think we should be a football field away from land if counted as being in water.
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Okay, that can also be in there. Within a football field away or within a body of water. That also means a shoreline. We should define it by the shoreline. What's the shoreline of a tub? The edge, the ring of scum around the tub is that shoreline. This governing thing is easy. Is this what the founding fathers? A hundred percent.
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They were all sitting around drinking Sam Adams, just making stuff up. Was Samuel Adams one of the founding fathers? Yeah, that's why his beer is so popular. What do we need? What does this show need? The show needs more sponsors. All right, I'm going to put that in there. Ooh, put it in the Constitution. Every company in existence has an obligation to buy at least one ad on this podcast.
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How do we enforce that? Red flags. what about companies we don't want we're gonna take their money okay good this scene now we're cooking all steel must be d2 uh by all companies is there a minimum like size or it could be like if grandma's crocheting and sells a blanket we're like we gotta make a cut of that that's not a company it has to be a company llc or incorporated
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That is a specific thing that is defined by other people. Does that mean we have to sponsor our own podcast? Called doing a merch plug. So we have to get merch up. By those laws, we have to get merch. Well, I'm just going to type that in there. Is this like a to-do list? Yeah, this is starting to do a to-do list. Oh, I have one. I wanted to actually throw this out.
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Then I forgot when my appointment was. And I get a call saying like, hey, you missed this. You got to pay a late fee. I'm like, oh, what? Oh, that's why I was flossing every day. I did it for a month straight. I had the best gums. It was amazing. It was so much cleaner. And then I stopped doing it after that. I was like, well, I don't need to do it anymore.
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This is going to feel like it's targeting someone, and it's not. I promise it's not. But because you know it also applies to me once I say it out loud. Just get all the way through it with me. If you show up to host an episode and you don't have anything prepared... Okay, all right. Increase the one-man show percentage on the wheel by 2%. That's fair. So it's not about...
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i've done that the most probably out of all of us so it's not about spinning it it's about it just ups the percentage only when someone comes without an idea that's fair well here's the thing do we like the wheel at all i like the wheel but i wish it either happened a lot more or never
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I want to gamify it more so it's more nail-biting but also addicting and you want to spin it so that like the coin flip haha went 13 times in a row without Bob winning we don't have that we need that we need that excitement back in there and to tempt fate we need to tempt fate more I want more tempting of fate we need to tempt Fate more. What a good law.
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I never know what statement I shout out is going to be inscribed in the Constitution. I'm just capturing the good ones and making sure they get written down somewhere. Okay, cool. All right. All right, so how do we tempt fate more with the wheel?
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Maybe every episode ends in a wheel spin, but there's a different... It's either the one-man show wheel is like punishment, but there's another wheel or something. No, bonus stars, like in Mario Party. Every episode should have bonus stars. We barely keep track of points. Will you keep track of that? Well, maybe the wheel has like, it decides what bonus star it is.
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Like, okay, who made the most poop jokes? Okay, who made the most? And it'll spin that and we're like, ah, that was Wade or that was Bob or who said this word the most? What if we don't remember? It's just a discussion. We have to collectively decide. It doesn't matter what reality is. It matters what we say reality is, and we all have to agree. We need a bonus point wheel.
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So at the end of every episode, what I technically wrote is bonus stars like in Mario Party on a wheel that gets spun at the end of every episode, which is...
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definitely clear enough to make sure we understand this concept i think the host should have the opportunity to change one item on the wheel so not all of it but every like you could rotate one out if there's one you don't like or if you want to if you have a funny idea that's what i was going to say yeah it should be flexible that it can be changed that way you know if we hate it we don't have to wait a year and i think the audience can also suggest who has to keep track of the wheel and spin the wheel each episode and why is it bob
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I think we can do this. We can collectively... I mean, it'll just be a website that I have to open, and I don't mind that. I don't mind that. How many bonus stars are we going to have? I think the number of times the wheel is spun at the end could fluctuate. Like, it's default one for a bonus, but then maybe if a certain criteria is met, it's spun again.
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What if we have a wheel that determines how many times we spin the other wheel? Oh, more wheels. I like this. I love chains of wheels. Yeah. Or a dice. A dice and a wheel. Is there a dice website that has let you write on the dice? Well, you could just have like literally a D6 and however many times, whatever it lands on is how many times you have to spin the bonus wheel.
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But I want the visual of it. Like, you know, rolling and then be like, oh, magic eight ball. We're just talking about a Magic 8-Ball. I bet there's a website with, like, a Magic 8-Ball. I'm asleep, please consult later, or whatever they say, yeah. Oh, you can buy a custom Magic 8-Ball. That would be interesting, but we'd have to change that.
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But if we order three custom Magic 8-Balls, and each of us just has a Magic 8-Ball at our desk for episodes... That would take some work, but it'd be cool, but I doubt our ability. Wait, can we get custom dice in real life? Is that a more achievable thing? Because there's lots of people who make custom dice and stuff, right? We could 3D print anything, really, but it's like, that's work.
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I'm not going to reschedule that or anything. They asked me to pay money. I'm insulted. And then I stopped doing it like an idiot. I'm going to schedule my appointment right now. I'm diabetic, and so I'm pretty good about managing my doctors and stuff. The dentist is like the polar opposite. I don't know why it's so hard for me to give a shit about the dentist. And I do not have great teeth.
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Yeah, okay. Now, what if we do a wheel? What if it's just a wheel? All right, wheel. We could have a wheel and a wheel. So we should write a section in the Constitution that's like, this is what it has, and we'll just change it in the Constitution, depending on what we feel like. There should always be on the wheel who's the baldest. I think that's fair to you.
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Ooh, but we could, one of us could shave. If we feel like the win is that desperate, but it may not guarantee the win. I'm okay with that. What if there is a small chance that we don't increase or lower on the points one that always has one man show is like a 2% chance. We never adjust the percentage of that one. We should see if the one-man show is actually an ample punishment beforehand.
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Trust me, it will be. All right, all right, fair enough. He might enjoy it. Don't speak for him. That's true, that's true. I was. What if there's a punishment where I make Mark get my YouTube channel to 10 million so I can get that diamond play button that I've always wanted? Is that a fair punishment? No. Why do I have to do that? Why do I have to get it to 10 million? Why can't you get it?
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Because it's not a punishment if I have to do it. All right, what other bonus points do we want to have? Most bald, shortest? That's what I suggested, but Wade shot it down. Who ate the most? Oh, maybe it should be who ate the most on the episode or who ate the least. No, it should be who ate the most to encourage us to maybe sometimes eat a lot during an episode.
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Wait, why are you making that face? It benefits you. You're usually the one that's eating. Listen, the problem isn't the wins. The problem is I don't need encouragement to eat. You don't need to change your behavior. It's the same behavior. You don't need to do anything different. I need to change my behavior. All these have benefited you so far.
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Molly has finally convinced me that my shirts aren't just shrinking because she hates me. It's the way that Katie is. I believed it was witchcraft for years. Or that she was intentionally shrinking your shirt. She hates my clothes. She's shrinking them. I know that it's a common thing to be like, oh, my clothing shrunk in the washer dryer.
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I've never, ever experienced this phenomenon of my clothes suddenly shrinking. That's because they don't make clothes your size, so they're always oversized. When they do shrink, they just finally fit.
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You got my real laugh. All right, fine. Whoever got the loudest in the episode. Caused the biggest laugh. Who had the best joke. That's a good one to have. Who caused the best laugh. Who looks the best that day. I think that fluctuates. Sometimes my hair is just a ramshackle mess. I'm wearing the same shirt. Whoever is the most put together that day.
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Should we have a bonus one for the listeners and or viewers so they have a chance of getting a point? What if it's a zero-point episode and only the listeners or viewers get a point? Then they could finally win. If we start interacting more with the subreddit also, that we could give points out for things the subreddit does that are good and not annoying or terrible. Subreddit.
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Okay, whoa, hey, easy up. They don't need that. I said that I would fix it and add the other moderators, and I don't think I ever did that because the fire distracted me, so I gotta get back on fixing. Oh, some excuse. I was in the middle of fixing the subreddits. I totally forgot about that. Oh, shit. It's just been on... I guess being on fire is a bad comparison right now.
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I probably have more serious issues because it's been too long since I've been to one. But like, I mean, even it comes up, I'll have the thought. I'm like, oh, I should. Yeah, I should make sure I have an appointment with my doctor. Of course I do. I should maybe find a dentist to go to. I don't want to do that. Yeah, I want to do that. I'm weird.
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It's been... It's been fine. It's been fine. Hey, they were very complimentary of our episode with the broken news. That's seven, then. Bonus point for viewers, listeners. Well, those are separate, right? So that'd be one for each. So would that make it eight? Oh yeah. I guess it should be. Oh, they're separate people. That's right. Most on point.
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Like whoever was most on point with whatever the topic was. And there should be a flip side of that. Whoever's the most attractive. Do we want to add both of those? Yeah. Add both of them. How about this for a rule? So that wheel is spun at least once an episode, right? Every single episode, a host has to add a category so that by the end of the year, there's 60 fucking items on there.
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It could be anything. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's just like you just add some shit. I'll change out at the end of every episode the host may change one item to the host must add one item to the wheel. Yeah, it's like throwing a suggestion into the hat game and whose line. Just throw a random bullshit in there.
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Dude, if this wheel ever fucking gets deleted and then at the end of the season, there's like a hundred and some things on the wheel. I'm just going to do a random number picker or something like that. Fucking. That wheel would be nuts. That's cool. That'd be fun. Then there's plenty of options.
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Okay, so we're starting with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 we have right now, but we'll just keep adding. There's nothing that says you can't add repeats or bad things, so you could add more points for viewers or listeners if you're happy with them or something, or if you're trying to change the odds, or you could add punishments or all kinds of stuff. Well, it has to be points.
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We'll say it has to be limited to points, but you could take points away for things or... Because it's like it's both interesting, but also not high stakes because it's only spun once. Are we eliminating the wheel? Are we going to do the number of spins wheel and then the bonus points wheel and then just maybe have it be like 1% one man show or something so that that's like a weird payoff?
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I think maybe we still keep the other wheel. What if the bonus wheel makes it into the tie? Then we would still need the other wheel for a tiebreaker. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, I think we should still keep that other wheel. All right, so we still have the tiebreaker. We're in a three-wheel system right now. What's the third wheel?
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The first wheel is the wheel that will decide how many spins of the bonus wheel, right? Aren't we doing that? Oh, I didn't know that was a separate wheel. That's interesting. I thought we were at the end of every episode before the points. There's a bonus points now.
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I've always preferred the dentist to the normal doctor. Incorrect opinion. I know. No one feels that way. Why? Why, though? Why? They scrape and they kick and the noise in your head. It's unpleasant. No, I get it. It's like, you know, generally speaking, there's something nice about just sitting back in a big chair, closing your eyes and... You know, I get it, Wade. You and me, we're the same.
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And I thought we were going to, it has to be spun at least once, but there's a thing, a wheel or a magic eight ball or something with the sides. How many times we spin the bonus point wheel. And then you spin the bonus point wheel and divvy that up. And then you do the points for the game. Well, that sounds like a job for a dice. What should the number be for that? Like one to four, one to six.
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We don't want to spend the wheel like a dozen times. There's got to be like, we have to make a D three. Yeah.
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we have to physically make a d3 we have to make it happen i mean that does exist right oh yeah there's there's d3 dice it's just like physically oh it's like a cylinder triangle thing right and you just like roll it three sounds fair to start with up one to three yeah that that feels right that's how mario party does it anyway do you see the horrible three-sided die that's like three fins why is it horrible
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I don't know, it just, I don't like it, the way it makes me feel. Sounds like a you problem, gonna be honest. Sounds like it must be a finned three-sided die. There's a cool, like, infinity-looking one where, like, it lands and has a one, a two, or a three, like, cut into the... I like that one. It must be the most uncomfortable three-sided die according to Wade's discomfort in that moment.
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Well, fine, I hope it's covered in fucking holes just for you, then. No, Wade's discomfort. I don't like holes now. It must be the host's phobia in a die. It's a dice made of a spider covered in holes. Good. That's also a clown. Making me itchy and scared. I don't like it. I think we've lost the plot. What are we doing in this episode?
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I've got a bunch of stuff I need to somehow weasel into this constitution now. Are we going to start ripping out laws? Yeah. Do we want anything else added? And do we want to delete some stuff? I don't think there's anything else in there. I think the best thing we've done in the Constitution, and I think you guys would agree, the physical tracking of points and naming them. That was a good one.
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I like that very much. I think that helped a lot and also is very fun to keep track of. It is fun to hear the points right out at the end and what they were for. That is fun. Whether or not we kept a full record of it, I think my hot sauce ones are lost to the winds, but... I was going through them earlier. I didn't even use the title them. I just had like your guys' names and like a case.
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I'd write down what it was for. Like they got a lot more intricate over time. Yeah. I got to get a notebook because I want to keep track of it. I actually want to keep track of these. I'm about, oh, almost halfway through this notebook. I'm very excited to see when this actually gets filled up. Then I'll have a whole, I'll have a documentation and it'll absolutely make sense.
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I can turn to any page and see that Wade earned points for natural sleeper, 30 minutes of shit and shit shower. And do you fear death? See, I don't even remember what it's about, but it makes me laugh. It's just it's a documentation of our history. July 9th, we did an episode where Tyler had six points. Wow. Oh, you date yours. That's a good idea. I put the title of mine. Here's the thing, though.
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I date what episode we record them, not necessarily what day they come out. So the dates still aren't perfect. Apparently my scorekeeping for the at least 20 questions episode really went downhill because we got into the whole chapstick situation. Mark lost seven points, but Wade lost 11 points during that episode. I occasionally just pull out a chapstick, Bob, just to see if you'll react to it.
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How many fucking points I gave out in this episode? Jesus. Mine are always like five to 15. I'm pretty consistently that five to 15 range. I like Mark's. I've been trying to edge towards Mark's style of like low single digit points. Keep it tense. Yeah, I've only ever done one point plus or not only, but I predominantly gravitated towards points up or down one.
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I only ever give one point at a time. I just give a lot of points. Sometimes you guys are just talking and I'll just chuckle and I'll be like, huh, point. Somebody said that we apparently had claimed and have never done golf rules, which we did do golf rules, but it was before the Constitution. Yeah, we did one. It was Bob's Fridge.
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Wade hosted that and Mark got the most points, but at the end, Wade gave me the win by saying it was golf rules and I actually won the episode. It was before we had the Constitution, so I intentionally gave Mark as many points as possible so that it would feel unfair at the end. I was like, oh, Mark's going to win. I was like, but I'm going to inverse it. It's going to be so funny.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We're the same. They get those jagged tools in there and they're like, how's your dog? I think it's simple. The reason is I was such a big fan of dinosaurs as a kid that whenever I'd go to the dentist, like they always had these like little toys you could take home if you were good at the dentist. And they had like a whole bowl of dinosaur toys and I wanted to collect them all.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think you have to declare it, but I guess it's not in the Constitution. That was before the Constitution. You're right. That's true. This was back before distractibles had invented fire. I'm just going to write down, it's in the Constitution. That'll resolve a lot of disputes.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
so you like the writing down the rules is there anything we want to rip out um do we want to rip out the subreddit appeal thing because i feel like that's been a mess yeah we didn't use it doesn't make sense i don't even know if we should have an unfairness clause shall i just write down remove all unfairness clauses we could do something where you know if someone declares something is unfair something's done on the spot but i don't know what that would be an immediate wheel
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
One more wheel. The wheel of fairness. If one of us declares something is unfair, we spin a wheel where either we win the appeal or we're forced to host a one man show. It's a risky claim. No, no. It's got to be something with like trial by combat. You know, is this unfair? Let God decide. What if it's just a coin flip? Heads for fair, tails for unfair.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What if it's a really heavily stacked against it being unfair coin flip? Like you can declare it's unfair, but it's a nine to one chance. It's going to be fair. Do you have to win three coin flips in a row for it to be fair? I like that. Then we just, then we just have a wheel of fairness. Nah, the coin flip is cool. Okay. Coin flips.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If you win three coin flips in a row, it was unfair and you are justified. That is fate saying. That's the universe taking your side. Yeah. And you can only do that once. What a one in eight chance, three coin flips, one in eight. That's fair. That's actually... That's pretty good. That's better than what Mark wanted. What if you lose all three coin flips in a row? Does anything bad happen?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I mean, once you lose one, I feel like you just stop. You don't lose again. Once you lose one, it is fair. Well, I mean, I'm saying if you forced it to flip three times... I get what he's doing. Because you have to flip three times. And that's another one in eight chance that something terrible happens. For daring invoke... It's double point loss.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
you know if you don't get three in a row 75 chance you're good 12 and a half percent you win 12 and a half percent you really lose that's good i like that so we're not just throwing out unfairness willy-nilly there has to be a risk okay so if you lose three coin flips in a row what was it you lose double the points or you get double the unfair yeah whatever what you said was unfair will be dealt double
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So, like, if Mark gives you a point, I'm like, that should be my point. And I say it's unfair. You would get two points. Or, you know, if Mark says I lose a point, I'm like, no, I don't lose a point. That's unfair. We do the three coin flips, then I can either lose two or... We should make it that as soon as the word unfair falls out of someone's mouth, it happens.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Even if they don't realize they're doing it. So we've got to be very careful about what we're saying. Because as soon as the word unfair comes out, coin flip immediately. Stop everything we're doing. We're going to do an episode just called Fair or Unfair where every three seconds we're flipping again. All right, that's in there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Once per episode, you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud and initiate three coin flips. Win three in a row and unfairness is proven. Lose three flips in a row and it is made doubly unfair. Well, it's made doubly fair because if it was unfair, then the unfairness would be valid. That's fair enough. Fair enough. If we say fair, you have to flip or just unfair. Both.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Is that what we're saying? The trigger word is unfair. So if like, thank you, Mark. That's incredibly fair. Nothing happens. But if I'm like, Mark, that's unfair. We immediately coin flip. I think it also should be valid if you trick another host or another contestant into saying unfair. I like that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think if anyone ever says the word unfair for any reason and any of the other two people hear it and catch it, it is triggered. Even if it's a trick. What about synonyms to unfair? What about when we say that's unreasonable? Has to be the word unfair. What if you say funfair? Can't spell funfair without unfair. He said it! No parts of other words, no hyphenations.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So I was always excited to go to the dentist so I could get the next dinosaur toy. And I think that just permanently like dentist equals dino. I like dino. I like dentist. Whereas the doctor just, you know, gave you shots or touched your balls and that was it. Then you go home. It's like nothing. You and me, Wade, same, same brain, same brain.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
must be unfair i gave us three episodes before we forget this oh yeah no the convolution is very good though because it will forget about it for like months and then out of nowhere during a highly heated episode someone will just be like he said it and then it will happen and it'll i think the audience can participate if they catch us not saying it they can remind us and then we have to doubly unfair later no that's stupid fuck me
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
No, see, that's the thing. We don't need to enumerate that. I think we have a good rule here, and if the subreddit points out that we're not doing it, we can just on the fly do whatever fucking bullshit we want and jazz it up later or do makeups or something or ignore them because they suck or whatever we want.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
That removes all current unfairness clauses, and that's our current appeals and unfair process. No more red flags and blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, none of that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
great good constitution boys we could trick the audience into getting our watch time up because they have to pay attention if they want to yeah they're gonna have to really scrutinize yeah they're gonna have to go back through and listen again make sure they didn't miss anything the fools I don't have any other ideas I really, really want to cut out or anything. I don't know.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What is this section three of article one? The competitors of an episode shall be composed of any members not elected to be host by the host of the previous episode unless overturned by handshake dealer or official separate vote. What does that even mean? I think it literally just means that whoever won the last episode hosts and they're not a competitor.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So if we had two winners, which I don't know if we can still have that happen, but. Yeah, we can. If it ends in a tie, we don't have to say it's a tie. We can just say you both win. Well, yeah, it doesn't have to be a tie. It could just be a win. It's not a tie to win. It's just two winners. It's a meaningless pedantic distinction, but I feel like we're allowed to make that distinction if we want.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If something comes up, you could just say you're both winners. There's 100% chance for the next person to do the one man show. We're like, no, no, you just both win. You both win. I don't want to be crazy here. You both win. But that's the rub is you have to write down the points and it can't be a tie, but also they can both win.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, even if we do it in a tie, now we got the bonus points to stop it from being a forced tie. That's true. Now we can't just make sure there's not a tie on our watch. You might just end up with ties thanks to the wheel of bonus points bullshit. I'm like, oh man, Mark, it looks like you win by 10 today. But how? I don't know, man. That's how the math worked out. Oh no, can't have that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Can't have that. All right. Is that good? We did it? Good. I think we did it somehow. I think we just blanket sweep vote that all these changes are valid and good and we agree to them. Well, I will try and make this into one document that is like for us. Not that hard, but I'll try a little bit. And then we'll have a constitution. And I guess I will be the keeper of the constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Unless you go home, your teeth are all like clean and stuff. Well, and so did you ever have any, I mean, cavities? Do you ever have any serious teeth thing? Because like I had braces for six or seven years or something. I had a lot of stuff with my teeth and my mouth that was like very unpleasant. Because the orthodontist is not the dentist, but it's all mentally, it's all connected.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Bob, I hope you win this season. You put the most work in. Well, I won last season. I guess it's not over. So is that what we decided about the season champion? It's not done yet, so there's no winner yet? Yeah, there's nothing. It hasn't been decided yet. Technically, I'm in the lead by a couple. I'm going to get that cash prize. I didn't get a cash prize last season.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It didn't take effect until year two of the Constitution. What the hell? I don't know how to end this because we don't have a host. All I know is that I'm looking forward to Mark's one-man show episode. Yeah, I'm so glad that Mark had to be busy today for a little bit because it gave Bob and I some time to cook.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, Mark, as a reward for your forthcoming punishment, do you want to leave us out here? Sure. Thank you, everybody, for joining for another year. We've only got another year left until Distractible is forcibly deleted from existence. Even your private recordings of it will be expunged. You will see how. Foreigners distract us. That's what we called it. That's this. That's all it is.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The clock is always ticking. Remember, only I will be deleted. So all of your recordings will mysteriously not have me in it. That'll be a hell of a thing. We'll just get the AI that says, have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus? Oh, we didn't put any ship of Theseus things in the constitution. If this constitution keeps changing, is it really the same constitution? The constitution of Theseus?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like the con of Theseus. May your D2 steel knives always be sharpened. If they're not, for the love of God, sharpen them. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I hated that shit. So did you, is your teeth, were your teeth always just like they cleaned them and it was fine and you were good and it was easy? I mean, I had cavities here and there. I had braces. There was like an eight year period where I didn't go to the dentist, like college. And right after college, I just had no money or insurance.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I was like, the last thing I'm going to do is spend my money to go pay someone to tell me my teeth are dirty. Like, I know that I brush them, but like, I can see that there's like the buildup. I know that I need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford the dentist. So for like eight years, I didn't go. Then I went back and they were like, I hate to tell you the bad news. You got three cavities.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I was like, wait, eight years. I've only got three cavities. I could go another eight, but I go twice a year to the dentist now. Twice a year? Is that the recommended amount? Yeah, you get cleanings every six months. Jesus Christ. I think I've had one cavity my entire life. Well, okay, no, I've had another, but it was when I still had baby teeth.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So it was when I was very young, and my dad was really pissed about this because I had a cavity in my baby teeth, and the orthodontist that I went to was like, ah, I'm going to fill that up and charge money for this. So we did it and charged money, and my tooth fell out because it was a baby tooth a month later. Yeah, that seems like bullshit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, so it was, and my dad was really pissed about that. I can't remember. I rarely get cavities, but I have no cavities, but serious, serious issues where I have root issues and all kinds of fun shit. But I had a cavity in a baby tooth, and I remember the tooth fell out, and I was looking at it. I was like, wow, that's mostly cavity at this point. Goddamn. It's just a hole. It was interesting.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Good thing I didn't keep that one. I never had braces or anything, but I had a couple cavities filled throughout life. I had my wisdom teeth pulled when I was a teenager. I don't know if you guys remember this, but this was like four or five years ago. A good portion of my tooth just broke off. I think it was an airhead, if I remember the story correctly.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I had it in my basement, which was really cold. So it like hardened, which I didn't think about. And I went and I just bit into it. And I was like, there's a crunchier airhead than I'm used to.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
oh no and then i like reached in and just was like what is that and i remember looking in the mirror and just like half of what felt like half of my front tooth was missing i was like my career is over i could never look at a camera again and then i found out they could just fix that shit now they fix that super easy i actually in my senior year of high school i i was holding my tuba and it got hit into my face i chipped one of my front two teeth right in the middle and
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think I've had to have one go back once and have them re-put the whatever cap on or whatever it is. Yeah, they've basically permanently fixed it at this point. It's awesome. Because I was worried. I was like, oh, they're going to have to yank it and give me like a cadaver tooth or something crazy. I have to give you one of them George Washington lead teeth. I heard that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I have no idea if it's true or not, but I believe the myth is George Washington's false teeth were made out of wood or whatever. Apparently, at least some of his teeth or one of his versions of his dentures that he had was just straight up made out of lead. Don't Google lead teeth. Oh, pass. Why would you Google that? I was like, oh, I wonder if lead teeth, it's not lead teeth made of lead.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I just realized I'm not sure who does the intro for this. I think last time we all said it at the same time. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another Distractible episode. Your favorite, your best host, Wade. Your dog's favorite place to poop. My name's Bob. I'm Wade. Are we doing the whole thing? No. That's the episode. Thanks for coming, everybody. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
because and i'm about to let it up again because it replaces your calcium and it'll replace it in your teeth so you'll have teeth made of lead so wait if you have lead teeth do you drink bullets to build strong bones uh eventually yeah there's a crossover point where you get so much lead in you actually become lead based and then you're a new form of life but you can't be applied to the walls of new construction
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But you do want your lids and teeth, your bones and teeth to be malleable, right? I do, anyway. Did I explain what the council, not really. Once a year, approximately, whatever we so choose, we get together. We do have a constitution. Well, how many people, how many listeners and watchers do you think are aware of the constitution? The ones that aren't like me that blocked it out. So 10 of them.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Don't worry, because I fed the Constitution into AI, so now it's going to be perfect. Oh, I thought we were going to have Baltimore read it. No, the AI is not going to read it. The AI just gave me a summary of it so I know what's happening. So there are already several rules that we did not follow, but that's fine because it doesn't matter because no one cares. Thank God.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Apparently there's supposed to be a trophy for the winner of the boat episode. Did we even have a winner of the boat episode? Yeah. Apparently the winner of the boat episode has a constitutional right to sink the boat if they so choose. I don't know what the hell kind of unhinged psychopaths wrote this constitution, but apparently here I will go. I will go to the text.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Isn't the boat supposed to get bigger every year? This gets more and more expensive. Yeah, well, yeah, okay. Apparently there are no losers of a tribunal episode, which is this one. Of a tribunal. A boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A boat champion is to be declared at the end of the boat episode. They shall receive a boat trophy and the right to sink the boat if they so choose.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I can see that happening, yeah. Well, if we were going to ever sink a boat from the boat episode, we should have really done it with the RC boat. Because I think going forward, it's only going to get more expensive and worse. Or we could do it on a submarine. Then sinking the boat would just be more fun. Unless we're still on it. No, it's fun. Submarines are allowed to go under there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How do we get the footage to the surface? They come back up. Not if we sink it. Same. You and me weighed the same. I like it, therefore. Hey, noose. Sorry, I thought we were finishing each other's sentences. Also, I know that this is probably going to be inaccurate, but I did go through the episodes this season so far. So we're supposed to declare a season champion, right?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, we did last season. But the season ends in... Yeah, it doesn't end for a little bit still. Does this officially mark the end? No. I mean, it's whatever we say it is. Who won last season? You did. Yeah, you did. By a lot. Oh, so I was the reigning champion. I knew that. Yeah, you're the reigning champion. The current wins for this season stand at Mark with 28, Wade with 30, and me with 32.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Jesus Christ. But that's also... There may have been... Because sometimes when we host, we do sneaky things like steal wins from each other or give ourselves pity wins. I didn't double check all that. So...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
didn't one of us lose like six wins or something this year that was in a previous season that was the score at the end of the last season mark had like 12 less wins than both of us it was like wade wins with 31 bob has 30 mark has 10 wins and that was yeah i'm sure that was very fair it does say the winner the championship of the season is supposed to get a trophy i'll buy my own trophy if i remember but one of you can buy mine while you're at it i'm too lazy yeah you're assuming you're gonna win
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I won last season. Yeah, well, it is tight. Every episode from here on out. Mark can win five in a row, right? Oh, yeah. You have three episodes to win four times. It's probably doable. I got this. Should we all just put all of our wins in a pot and bet them against each other? Ooh. You can go to your local shop and buy a distractible pot right now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Um, should we just go through line by line, decide what's a good rule, what's a bad rule, what needs to be changed? It's kind of what I was imagining. I'm sure there's some stuff we're going to want to get out of here. What if we just say they're all bad rules and we move on?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
i'm honestly i'm open to that no i'm not open to that there has been some good changes you and me mark same uh what's your opinion on this same same but wait mark said he agreed with me earlier so therefore same same same same all right but we have to vote but i think that's in the constitution that we have to vote i don't know who pays attention to those things anymore the most interesting thing i think is actually the first item
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If it wasn't clear from the title, which a lot of you might have no idea what that title means, this is Council of Distractible Part 2. We've done this before. We did film the boat episode as required back in June of 2024. It's almost exactly a year ago we did the previous council. It's time to think back. It's time to sort out some business.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What text do you have in front of you? Because I have a Google Doc here that I stole from the subreddit. I have some from the subreddit, but it's like a weathered image of paper, black text on that. It's not a Google Doc. It's probably close enough. We don't need to unify these. This is fine. I have the AWOL Nation Hollow Moon music video in front of me.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It's good that we're all paying equal attention. Mark, what's interesting? All right. So there's text that says winner can't be decided by coin flip or a wheel spin as the primary determination. It says there needs to be a second step verification in the form of a wheel. So this is contradictory because it's like it can't be decided only by a wheel. It must be decided by not a wheel and a wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think that was just poor phrasing by whoever in our community wrote that down. The point was it can't be decided firstly by chance by a wheel or coin flip, but the backup when there's a tie is then you go to the wheel. I see. Okay. All right. Yeah. We can't just be like, um, I don't want to keep track of points. So the winner gets a wheel, zero points. No one got any points. We'll spin.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But there's nothing in this constitution that I'm seeing that says you need to raise the percentage each time. I think we made that up. I, honest to God, think that we did the wheel spin once and we were like, well, let's make this interesting, guys. I think specifically Mark wanted to raise the percentage and you and I were like, I don't want to host a one-man show. I don't want to do that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, what's fascinating to me is we just did a 12, right? Yeah. It started at six and it's gone up two each time. We've spun it many times. It should be way more than 12. I've had one or two ties. One, obviously one at least. I think we are missing a couple. but I think it should be like 16 or 18. It's not like a ton more, but, you know.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'm just saying I've got my red flag here, and I'm about to throw it that I don't have to do this one-man show because statistically it should have been someone else before me. Wait, because you should have had a higher chance of doing it? But it would have been higher for all of your tries of doing it, too. I'm not saying that. I'm saying fate would have changed. Butterfly effect flaps its wings.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
This is the council episode, therefore all old red flags are now gone because we're starting fresh. I don't know if that's in the Constitution. I vote we put that in the Constitution. I agree. That's a majority vote. No, red flags reset at the end of the season. Oh, no way. No, it doesn't. God, okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, no, this is a poorly thought out document.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We have a lot of work to do to figure out what the hell is going on with all of this stuff. All right, okay, all right. Whoever came up with this is three idiots. The thing is, we're a lot like the U.S. government right now. There's no checks and balances here. It's just one guy breaking into, say, the treasury with his cronies and just, you know, yanking cables, deleting data, stealing data.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Imagine if that was how things were, and that's how we are right now. We need oversight. We need someone else to guarantee us, and it's got to be the community. They have to have some method. I was thinking we've had a hard fought season under the iron fist of the constitution. I was thinking we would relax some stuff. Maybe we cash it out. Apparently we did. We didn't follow any of the rules.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, that is one of the key tenants of our entire constitution is if we don't remember what the rules are, we don't follow them for any reason. There's no recourse because who cares? Something like that. Oh, thank God. I've never once cared about the Constitution, so I'm glad. Article 3. Yeah, that's the only thing in Article 3 of our Constitution.
Distractible
September 10th
I'm not gonna lie, my first thought was either to get a bulldozer and just drive into the base of the building and like mess up the elevators
Distractible
September 10th
Or to also call in a bomb threat. I actually had that thought too. Yeah, well, too late. But then I was like, all right, bigger picture. I'm going to call into one of the news programs and I'm going to tell them about exactly what's going to happen the next day. I'm going to tell them, I'll pretend to be Ben Layden. That'll be my name.
Distractible
September 10th
And I'm going to call in and tell them exactly what's about to happen. What?
Distractible
September 10th
Which locations? Which everything? I'm just going to predict the future for them and hope that maybe they're like, oh, that sounds like a threat. That sounds like a threat that could happen, Jim. Yep, Jim, maybe we should shut down the airports and figure out some security measures, Jim. I don't know who Jim is, but Jim... Man, you really picked a good date for this. I really enjoy this exercise.
Distractible
September 10th
I can't hear you over the whirring. It sounded like we're in a helicopter.
Distractible
September 10th
Wait. Well, if I remember right, that's the day before September 11th in Pompeii. It sure is.
Distractible
September 10th
All right. So I'm going to the Pompeii library. I'm going to get some Pompeii books and documents. I'm going to show them my blockbuster card and tell them I'm from the future. And it's my job to preserve some historical artifacts.
Distractible
September 10th
Oh, time's not kind to books. You know, paper, it goes bad. Yeah, age comes for us all, yeah, yeah. So I'm just coming to get some OGs, gonna take them to the future, gonna make some copies, and I'll bring them back. You're one of those crazies, aren't ya? Can you make this? You see this laminate? You have this technology? I don't think so. Yeah, we write things, we got books.
Distractible
September 10th
Covered in plastic, you see this film of plastic? Yeah, we got glasses. I pull out my cell phone.
Distractible
September 10th
Wow, man. I really thought I had something to prove that I was for the future. Look at my shoe. The great crazy shoe, right? I grab a bunch of documents and I run.
Distractible
September 10th
hey wait a minute hey oh shit so you you go to the library oh yeah talk to one dude i get one box of pompeii cards or uh pompeii documents pompeii card trading cards maybe like a palette of pompeii artifacts and cards and documents all right so you've gathered up uh as much as your arms can fit of uh of the pompeii library random documents yeah so selfish this one
Distractible
September 10th
As I run back to the time machine, I'm just screaming through the sheets. The sheets and the streets. I took some extra time to have fun in Pompeii.
Distractible
September 10th
Yeah, apparently. The eruption in the streets and in the sheets. Is that too soon? I'm sorry, Pompeii.
Distractible
September 10th
What's that shit about Pompeii? Yeah, but what if they just, like, wear googly glasses and mustaches and change their name to, like, Shotzi's or something? Like, we're not... That's not us.
Distractible
September 10th
Damn, the pompous currency. Bloons? What are they using, Pompeii? It's actually Pokemon cards. They were the first ones.
Distractible
September 10th
Ah, I say. Try not to fuck anything this time. No promises. I find the first dinosaur I see. I show it my blockbuster scar and say, are you impressed? One of them. And then I wake up. I'm like, that was a weird dream. And I go outside the time machine. And here's what I do. Since childhood, I've been taught how to handle this moment. Every Easter, you know what happens. Easter egg hunt. Oh.
Distractible
September 10th
But I'm on a dino egg hunt. Oh. I'm going around looking for different dino eggs to gather them up and try to bring as many varieties and different types. A couple of each one, you know, hoping like, okay, occasionally maybe I'll get a male, female, whatever. I'm gonna try to get some dino eggs and bring them back. Bob's got an ankylosaurus.
Distractible
September 10th
Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's chill and we'll like sit on the eggs. Maybe not. So I'll just kind of like try to keep them warm. And on the way back to the time machine, I yell...
Distractible
September 10th
there's a bomb expecting nothing to happen but nothing happens they just look at you oh and seeds i look for like little pine cones or something to like scoop up and hold my eggs like you know i guess it's only one item i'll make it whatever you can carry in your arms and pockets i apparently don't have a phone i still have pockets though right so i put a yeah yeah you put pine coney things in my pocket sure yeah all right okay all right so what is the likelihood that wade's gonna grab something that's actually like poisonous or it's gonna like sting him or something
Distractible
September 10th
Yeah, sometimes people will come and paint it for you in bright orange. They'll put little X's everywhere. And the next thing you know, they come and dig or they avoid those spots.
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Sure, and when I get back, I'm going to pass them out and let you guys look at them. I'll be like, hey, look at this. I'm busy with my ankylosaurus.
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September 10th
You want to look at my pine cones? Not really. Wait, didn't you also grab plants?
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September 10th
We could just stay. What if we send them to the future and we stay? And just... Ooh. Oblivion. You know? Alright, let's go.
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Uh... Sure. I still don't know what happened because I stopped before I got there. This explanation I found is unhelpful.
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they make you feel like a big man tell you what so we're in Egypt in the past the beautiful new looking pyramid is in front of me but I know for a fact that these fuckers didn't build it the aliens did so I'm gonna ask them all about the aliens I want them to point me in the direction of the alien overlords that helped put these pyramids down here because together when we find the aliens we're gonna fuck them hmm
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September 10th
And I'm gonna bring back... Oh, man. What do you bring? A pair of alien panties. I don't know.
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I show my blockbuster card to the sky, and I say, Beam me up, Scotty! And then beam me, Scotty!
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If that's the initiation that he's going to go through, fine, but where's the aliens?
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I mean, I think you missed the worst of it because, um, They reopened 471, right? They had that fire under the bridge and they had to like shut down the bridge for a while.
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I think it's open now, but that caused all the traffic to surge to 75 and 71 on top of what they already had. And both roads were under constructions.
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September 10th
I just wanted a pun on the word Pharaoh, so I said unfair D. Wade is pro-slavery. Yeah, that guy should live longer. You know what? He shouldn't die. No, you don't get to bail on that.
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I really changed my opinion on the whole thing after my month of flogging.
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Hop back in, boys. What'd you get? A whip, a pair of sandals, and that guy's version of a home phone number, which is just number of houses down that road. Take a left at the big pyramid. Okay. whip sandals and a drawing crude tablet drawing of his house location in the streets of i was just getting flogged the whole time man my options were limited you kind of uh you know
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It's happening. What? It's happening. We're trying to talk about our roads like Californians. We get traffic for one period of like three months, and we turn into the roads guy. Oh, 471s? Well, here's what you want to do. You want to take 75 south down to 275. Then you get back on 75 when it merges with 71. Take it down to Florence, y'all, and go shopping.
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All right, no looking this one up. We got this. Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here?
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Maybe a little war devastation because there wasn't fighting going on around this time.
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I read the document. I have a right to bear arms. I have a right to bear arms.
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I'm pretty sure that you're going to have the effect you want, but weren't the amendments passed a little while after the... They were already thinking about it.
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Okay. All right. Here's what I do. I go and I'm looking for Mr. Hancock. I'm looking for Mr. Franklin. I'm going to find one of the founding fathers. And I'm gonna, like, you know, recite different parts of the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. I'm gonna give them, like, some stuff. I'll be like, hey, listen, I know what you guys are cooking up.
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September 10th
Listen, we gotta talk about some caps. Some financial caps. Because here, I'm from the future, and I'm gonna tell you, Mr. Franklin. Oh, boy, you do not want three people controlling 99% of the world's wealth. It's bad. We should probably maybe, I don't know, make sure that it's a little bit more spread out. So, uh, whenever we go over that whole, like, let's just...
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September 10th
I can't divulge things from the future or else it will change the past more than what I'm already doing by telling you to change the past.
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I really need that back. It was my one thing from the 90s. Nope. Well, can I have something of value from your time? We'll trade.
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Oh. Ker-chunk. I need a new blockbuster car. Can we make a pit stop in the 90s?
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I reported all of that to the news. That should have gone out. They knew it was coming.
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That's what I always say. We'll spare no expense. I'm famous now for my conspiracy days. I'm fine. You sound fine.
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In the government, is there a blockbuster that's bigger than a filibuster now?
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Was Nazi Germany still called Nazi Germany? Bob did carve the don't trust Nazis into the walls, right? I did do that.
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I think I'm gonna go get checked out at the doctor, Bob. I don't think this time machine was very good for us.
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Wait, people lived from Pompeii? They survived? Yeah, it was the day before.
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Well, Ohio just celebrated its 222nd birthday, and I'm not sure back then they really planned out how they were going to build cities very well, so I think we're doing some... Because, you know, highways existed as soon as we were founded. Uh-huh, pretty much. The moment you establish that you're a state, highways just pop up along you.
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What the fuck? Can we land on the same one twice? We never discussed that.
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We are pretty much, but I think you're a little bit taller. I don't know. I think you're a little taller than me.
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Oh, okay. Anyway, winner's speech? Uh, yeah. You know what? History... is written by the victors, and I think the three of us and our adventures showed that we were the victors of history.
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We got to see a lot of September 10th's over the years, and I think we know about the weather patterns on the 10th, and I think that between that and our Nostradamus-like abilities, and my already fame and Bob's Pokemon card and dinosaur fortune, and Mark apparently didn't do a fucking thing in the past, so like... He was our captain! Yeah, Captain can lead the ship, all right?
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So maybe next time Captain does something, you know? But it's cool. Bob and I will just carry the win on our shoulders. So I think Bob and I are the real winners. And, yeah, thanks, Mark, for pushing a button, I guess.
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And we are not getting together for Christmas, even if we're technically thousands of year old separated family.
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September 10th
I'm thinking horse pulled rowboat is the way to go. That way you're covered for ground. That way you're covered for water. And if the horses go real fast, you're in the air.
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I don't need a permit. I'm glad you're getting out of conk. No more conk for you. So slay, girl. Thank you.
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Yeah, yeah. Okay, actually. Based on my performance, I'm expecting those results. I believe it. He knows what's going to happen. I'm just getting things written down on my... I was going to say my WordPad here. You know, I'm just going to get it out of the way here. My WordPad here.
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It's kind of like that, because this is the story of a 34-year-old woman in Midland, Michigan, who was discovered to have been living inside the signage on top of a supermarket for about a year. Apparently...
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In 2024, contractors were on the roof of this grocery store, Family Fair grocery store, and saw an extension cord plugged into an outlet leading over around a corner into a little separated off area. And they went and explored because they were curious when they discovered a mini apartment set up You know how on grocery stores on top, it'll say like real big, like Kroger.
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And it's like on top of the building. The family fair thing is like a small 15 by five room on the outside of which it says family fair. And on the inside of which is a 15 by five apartment with a desk with a computer and a printer. A Keurig, a pantry with food, a thriving house plant, and apparently also flooring installed. And a woman lived there for about a year before she was discovered.
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She had a car, had a job that she just went to. She was just living in it like this was her normal apartment, but also somehow was never discovered. Dude, going to the grocery would suck a lot less if it was just downstairs. I don't know how you get up and down off that roof. I'm thinking it's probably kind of a pain in the ass, but it would be nice to live that close to the grocery store.
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What was the name of the store, the market or whatever? Family Fair. I like to think there's a secret elevator where, like, the A-I-R just, like, lowers down and she rides it, then it, like, bounces back up. Well, it couldn't be because it's Fair F-A-R-E, as in that's delicious fair. Mm-hmm.
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maybe it's far the far drops and goes back anyway i just i've i feel like so the resolution of it was they discovered her in the store called the police and they trespassed her so she can't come back in the store and they let her get her belongings apparently but then they were like you can't do that i say let her live there you didn't notice i do too that's like a mini attraction
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You didn't notice for a whole year that this lady's living. Clearly, it's not impacting you in the housing climate that we live in. I feel like this woman just found a way to beat the system. Seems just shitty to just kick her out because now it's just empty. Now nobody lives there. Turns out she had a seven figure job and just really liked living on top of there.
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It must be very satisfying to live somewhere rent free. The only place I live rent free is inside Mark's head. Hey, I didn't know you were in there. I'm going to evict you now. Get out of my head. That's why you can't spell so good. So I'm in there jumbling them all up.
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So I had a whole bunch of topics, and by a whole bunch, I mean at least five that I would open up, and I'll occasionally come up with an idea for the podcast. I'm like, ooh, that's a good idea. And I'll open up WordPad, and I'll type it in there, and I'll be like, okay, here's an idea. Here's a little breakdown of what the idea is. I'll save it. And then whenever...
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It's spinning. That's why I got in there in the first place. I wanted to see the apple.
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I see an apple spinning in my head. Not in front of me. Like some people seem to believe it is. If I had an apple, I'd see an apple in front of me. I don't know. That's a good story. I wish she continued to live there, though. I feel like she earned the right to live there. I feel like if you break a gear and nobody notices, you got eternal dibs on that.
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Not like someone else is dying to live there. It's just a waste. That reminds me of when you said Rooftop Ninja. I don't know if you guys are aware of this story or not. I might have talked about this in the past, too. Do you guys remember the superheroes of Cincinnati, including Shadowhair? Have I talked about them before? I'm sorry, what? Shadow hair. Look up Cincinnati. Shadow hair. H-A-R-E.
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Okay. Oh, this guy says he lived in Milford. Yeah, so fun fact. I have a family member who was one of the superheroes who ran along with him. Ooh. Oh. as they were heroes around Cincinnati. So I know Shadowhair's identity, which I will not be sharing. You know Shadowhair? I do. You're going to just put it out there publicly that you know this information?
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Someone's going to kidnap you and torture you now. I know. The Lex Luthor of Cincinnati is going to come kidnap me and hang me upside down. Who is he? Dude, Rex Buford is not going to take this lying down. And yes, our Lex Luthor is called Rex Buford. It's appropriate.
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They made the news years ago. There was a whole news segment about Shadowhair and the hero troop. I believe the villains might be at ease, though, because I think he's retired now. Yeah, we had a band of superheroes running around Cincinnati for a little while, and I knew at least one or two of their identities.
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Apparently, Shadowhair was a member of the Allegiance of Heroes, which included other masked crime fighters such as Ecliptico, Wallcreeper, and Master Legend. That just sounds like a list of Wish.com copycats of the Avengers.
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I'm making my way toward these ideas or whatever. I'll go in and I'll like elaborate on them some and be like, okay, this is for some of them like secret words in the past. I would come up with a list of words, whatever, have it. Well, it turns out that Windows had a forced update recently. And by recently, you guys might be like, oh, it was like a week ago.
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also tyler's pretty creepy could be wall creeper i think the years that shadow hair and the allegiance of whatever you said were active was before like the marvel up tick before it became super popular like you know they obviously had the comics oh so they did it first uh but it was like the it was i think i was just out of high school we were just out of high school so this is like this is like mid to late 2000s and i think iron man came out like 2008 2005 to 2010 apparently
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that's hey man i was right on with that one like i said i had a personal stake that maybe they rescued me once i can't remember but never forget whenever you said a rooftop ninja i was like we have a new superhero in cincinnati i was hopeful anyway that was a random side tangent but i can't believe i didn't hear about that i literally was living that was while i was in college in cincinnati mostly yeah i didn't hear about a thing
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Well, now you know. I mean, Mark, you didn't know about the clown sightings of 2016. Well, I don't know if any of you did either. I did. Did you guys? I didn't really, but Wade did. I thought it was pretty, well, like I thought there were like news segments. It was kind of a thing because people were actually scared because they weren't just like walking around as clowns.
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Some people were like carrying things that looked like weapons and stuff like to intimidate. Like they were trying, some of them were trying to scare people. Not a reporter didn't go into like Kings Island, Hollywood, or Halloween Horror Nights or something. Hollywood Horror Nights.
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I'm coming to you from a house. This house sprung up overnight here at Kings Island. We've never seen it before. They're disguising it as a thrill park ride called House of Terror. We're going to go inside and see what we can find. It's horrible in here. How could someone live in these conditions? It wasn't there. It was out like the woods or people be pumping gas.
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And so it was like step out from behind a bush like as a clown and then like try to disappear or something. I'm surprised people dressed as clowns didn't end up getting shot or killed. Maybe they did. Yeah, I feel like you do that in the wrong place in America.
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I feel like if you're scared of clowns and someone walks out dressed like a clown holding a baseball bat, my first thought would be either run the fuck. It's fight or flight. You know, it's one of those two. I'm a flighter. Some people are fighters. I have news as well. Good.
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You know, I want to hear about that. How big would our wings be? I feel like TV and movies have already answered this for us because they tend to agree. What do they say? I can't remember. What's his name? The guy who is now Captain America. Doesn't he have wings from the Marvel movies? I forget his name. Those are about the same size.
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And yeah, it was a couple weeks ago, probably for you now. But for the first time since I think 1998 or something like that, WordPad is no longer part of Windows. And I stupidly, apparently, saved a bunch of stuff on WordPags. I was like, well, it's not like Microsoft Office or Adobe or something else where I might eventually lose it if I don't have that program.
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And then from the TV show Lucifer, technically not human, but a human-sized guy. And there are also angels in that movie. They all have wings. The wings are approximately all the same size, I feel like. And that basically when they're folded up, it's like as tall as the person is. And then the span is a little bit wider than the person is tall. It's aesthetically pleasing. That's what it is.
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Not nearly big enough. Well, we're like bumblebees. It's a physics miracle that we can fly, but it's it's just how it works. What this article is saying, like a five foot tall person would need 20 feet, 20 foot wingspan. What the shit?
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So extrapolating that to like you guys' size, you would need somewhere around like 24, 25 feet. I would need like a 40 foot wingspan. I'm reading the average would be 6.7 meters, which is about 22 feet. Jesus Christ. No, no, that's ugly. That's ungainly. But we don't have the correct muscle mass and our wings and bodies would still be too heavy to really be able to fly.
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Yeah, that's not the only thing. your tits would have to be so incredibly large to pull those wings in so not only would you have an incredible wingspan you would be barrel chested like no other human has ever been like eddie hall levels of just chest so like dolly parton could fly hey Yes. She's our only hope. Because she's skinny. Isn't she famous for having a big chest?
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I don't, maybe I'm thinking of the wrong person. No, I think you're right. Yes, I think so. Yeah. All right. She's our only hope. Give her some wing science. Anyway, that's why I was like, it wasn't, this news wasn't newsworthy. There's nothing to be said here. No, there's ways around this, Mark. All we need to do is hollow out our bones, make lots of bone broth to lighten our weight.
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I was just going to suggest that if humans are going to evolve wings, we should also evolve biojets, which is a system of jet propulsion that is fueled biologically and integrated into our living system. Photosynthesis jets. It's the powerhouse of the cell.
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I feel like this is copying the Go My Favorite Sports Team episode where me and Tyler came up with the ultimate athlete and he had a jet in his chest. I'm sorry. I'm unfamiliar with that show. What is this? on my favorite sports team, the number one sports podcast in the world. I listen to a lot of sports podcasts. I've never heard of that one. Oh, it's number one in our hearts.
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And the number one episode featured yours truly. Well, not anymore. Yeah, probably. It might not be anymore. But at one time. I think the next one is where you both were on there, so I don't know. People love us. Thank you, people. We're the famous ones here. Yeah.
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At least WordPad's consistently with Windows. Not anymore, it finds out. Hey, I have WordPad on my Windows 11 computer. I just opened it up. Well, I had to reinstall it and all of my stuff's gone. And I found some Reddit posts, people like rest in peace, WordPad 1998 to 2024. Weird. But anyway, WordPad was taken away from me and I lost all of my info, including all of my ideas.
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The trouble is all the news from my source is just sad, depressing world news that's occurring right now because it's so crazy that it comes up in the crazy feed. I have a question. There's a man who is from a place in Wisconsin, the name of which I take issue with, but apparently Fond du Lac, Wisconsin is a place.
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There's a man who lives there named Donald Gorski, who is 70 years old and has been eating not entirely exclusively, but almost entirely exclusively Big Macs for over 50 years. Damn. How many Big Macs do you think he's eaten?
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nothing but big macs for 50 years so every meal is big macs basically yeah he if he needs a meal it's likely a big mac it's almost guaranteed so let's assume two big macs a day 365 days a year for 50 years i don't feel like doing that math Is that 3,650 Big Macs? Not even close. Oh, I thought that was one year's worth. I was like, he's eating 10 Big Macs a day? And a day?
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How many Big Macs has he eaten? Okay, how many? 50 years? Every meal? Over 50 years. This article says he's been doing it for over 50 years, and there have been eight days in those 50 years where he consumed zero Big Macs.
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oh so he averages definitely over one big mac per day but i don't even know what his upper limit is i don't know why in the age where we have calculators within arm's reach i'm trying to do this math i only did 10 it was 100 that should be like 36 500 oh okay this will help this will help here's a description of his average daily eating habits Typically, two Big Macs a day.
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Skips breakfast, has a small evening snack, which is not a Big Mac. Little Mac. But has Big Mac for lunch, Big Mac for dinner to maintain his health. Gorski does not ever eat French fries and walks six miles a day. All right. Well, and he has kept meticulous records of his Big Mac consumption, literally saving receipts and containers in which the Big Macs were served to him.
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wait containers oh i don't know if i want to see a 50 year old big mac container the greasy well they probably wouldn't age at all they look exactly the same as the day they got soaked in grease that stuff doesn't go wrong it doesn't go bad the way he can show how the big macs used to be in a box this big and now they come in a box this big what are those dolls called where you open it up there's a smaller doll inside russian nesting dolls mcdonald's nesting mac
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Apparently, he's also eaten Big Macs at every single NFL stadium, Major League Baseball stadium and NASCAR track in the United States. Well, if he's had to walk six miles a day, he's had to walk around the US a bunch. That makes sense. So there isn't always a McDonald's in these places. He takes a Big Mac and intentionally goes it there. He brings it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's dedication.
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It's got to be between 35,000 and 40,000 Big Macs. Two a day for 50 years. Two times 50 is 100, right? 365 days a year. 100 times 365 is 36,500. I'm going to go 36,501. What's the fucking game show where people do that? What is the game show? What could the game show be? What is the game show? Daily... Daily... Daily Dudes? What is that game show? Oh, no idea. Price is Right. Fuck.
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So I have nothing in the tank and I'm kind of upset about it. That's tough. For those that don't know, I play D&D every Wednesday on a channel called Lost Initiative on Twitch, and I had a huge document of background info, items, progression, notes, different things for my character, all gone, along with all my distractible ideas. So I'm a little disheartened. Those things are of equal value.
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You know the Daily Dudes? Oh, you got the Daily Doodle. If you're playing Price is Right rules, you're both wrong! Okay. But you're very close. Apparently his officially recorded number is 34,128 Big Macs. But he's got different length years than we do. Well, he might not eat two every single day, I think is the big thing. So his average is like 1.89 or something.
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Basically. Also, I just want to say he holds the world record for most Big Macs eaten in a lifetime. He got that in 1999 when he passed 15,490 Big Macs eaten. Who else was keeping track?
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That's true. That sign is a lie. Thousands and thousands served. Plus Gary. Donald Gorski. Plus Donald Gary Gorski. Gary's the middle name. Donald Dorski. Yep. That was Donald Duck that I cried and didn't work. Ignoring what he chose, I can't imagine eating anything that much in my entire life. And I know food is different. And for some people, eating the same thing all the time is comforting.
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I don't think I could do it. I hope 50 years from now, I'm not eating the same stuff I'm eating now ever. I hope it's all interesting and new. I don't know. Does he never get sick? Imagine having like the flu running a fever and you're like, oh, I can barely keep soup down. Better have my Big Mac. Well, clearly he likes it. He probably makes him feel strong as an ox to eat his daily Macs.
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There's just a grease layer that prevents any disease from getting in. What if he lives longer than anyone else in human history? Apparently, he's pretty healthy. He has consistently healthy cholesterol levels, and generally his doctors say his health is pretty good for a 70-year-old guy. I mean, he's doing all right.
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Hey, listen, I could definitely eat a Big Mac more readily than I could walk six miles a day. So I know which one I'd rather do for health. Yeah. God, I need to start exercising again.
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Dude, I'm at that. I mean, not that we've ever been in the same ballpark of in shape, but I'm at that point right now where I worked out yesterday and it was like not a hard workout, like the easiest workout I've done in a long time. I woke up and sat up and had that moment where I was like,
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oh yeah i worked out yesterday fuck but i thought i was just like dying a little bit because everything everything everywhere so 20 minutes i spent standing and crouching to pick up shit and my thighs are on fire What a workout.
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We can change our lives for the better right now. Doesn't that blow your mind that you could just decide right now to become a different person? I'm gonna stand up. I'm becoming a different person as you speak. I'm gonna stand up. Have fun with that, fucking losers. I'm standing. Mark, your height didn't change that much.
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Honestly, D&D is a bit above because the podcast ideas I can always come up with more. No, no, no. Your pages and pages of D&D bullshit pales in comparison to your several distractible episode ideas. Dude, my heart is... I'm trying so hard not to like... You can cry. I'm crying internally.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ,,,,,,,
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Those files? Did you? Did you deserve them? Yes. Nah, not according to Microsoft. I earned those files. You didn't deserve them and you don't need them. Ask AI to recreate it from its memory because it did scan all of your information anyway. It had all of them stored in there. So you just got to dig it out with the right question. Ask your copilot. Yeah.
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Have you been, have you consulted with copilot? I bet copilot knows how to solve your problems. That's right. Windows now has integrated AI air quotations. It's AI. I mean, whatever. It's what everyone was asking for. Yeah, that's true. That is true. I think I don't even like that. When you Google something, it gives you an AI answer. I always just ignore that and move on to the other results.
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You just use the toilet paper to sort of dry everything up and make sure you're good. But the bidet part, ours isn't even heated. You can buy ones where it heats the water. Ours is just cold water. Love it.
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A little bit, but I actually know because of reasons that I didn't enjoy at the time. Our house has a water pressure regulator valve. And so even if the system water pressure does spike, it's basically impossible for it to do that inside of our house's system. I just thought of a crazy hitman map where they're trying to assassinate you. Agent 47 replaces the pressure valve.
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And there's like times it waits with the x-rays to look at you on the toilet.
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Someone make a custom map of that, please. Developers of the Hitman series, we know you're watching. We know you're looking for ideas. We need the bidet killer.
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Oh, that's such good news. And he's by a window over a cliff. This is great. I got to tell my wife. My kids are going to be so happy. This hangs up. Thank you so much. Nothing can ruin this day. Hitman pulls the curtain.
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I know how to piss off an entire knife sharpening community in two sentences. What are the sentences? It looks like a gaming controller for like the Nintendo Switch Mini. The sentences are, hey all you, watch this. I bet everyone's mad. I don't like that sound. I don't even know what's happening, and I don't like that sound. I hated that. I don't know. I don't know how to sharpen anything.
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Is that the correct direction to sharpen? I always thought you sharpened, like, sharp part away.
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I thought you were just going to take your knife and just go, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. There were not instructions on it, so I just kind of guessed there's a rough side, a smooth side, a round white side, and a green leather side. That's called a strop. Is it working? Don't do it again. The leather is for removing the burr, Mark. That's the last step. I don't think so. I think you probably...
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so mark goes against the grain one time and then rubs it on the leather he's like it's sharp all grain shmain as if there's grain and metal it ain't wood dum-dum this guy here thanks that's true you can't count the rings on metal to see how old it is so i don't if anyone wants to get really mad at me and earn some reddit karma here's your ammo okay i'm gonna go the other way That sounded better.
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I wish that they made like a browser extensions or something where you could be like, I want to Google and I want you to scroll down two pages so that I don't even see the AI summary or sponsored links. I just want to see the actual Google results. This is a weird throwback, but do you guys remember whenever we were in school, we weren't allowed to use like Wikipedia as a reference for anything.
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That one didn't make any noise. That was the smooth side. Sorry. Oh, I hate that. Why is that noise so gross? I don't know. It's just just sharpening. Probably. I hope it's sharpening.
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help sharpening is that supposed to be a wet sharpener or is that a dry sharpener i put some oil on it see uh all right i think are you supposed to oil the knife or oil the thing because i put some oil on it oh you want to use gas you want to use gasoline when you're sparking the wet stones traditionally you soak in water i think oh it's not a stone This has got diamonds in it.
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That's probably good. It's got a rotating doodad, so you can change the mode. Does it not have an angle guide for you?
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Oh, it's just right on the end there? You're just supposed to keep it? Yeah, sure.
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I don't know what that means. It's got this. Oh, course. Oh, it's one of those Corsair sharpeners. Warning. Wait, whoa.
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I found the instructions. Wow. We are witnessing magic right now. It was in the... Let me... Hear ye, hear ye.
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So wait, you accidentally dropped it, broke it, and that's what revealed the instructions.
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It was like we had to have a book source or if we had a website, it had to be like a dot gov or something like that. Like we had to have reputable sources. Sure. I feel like compared to the Google AI and other AI search result engines, Wikipedia is the law of physics. Like it. Cannot be faulted compared to some of these Google AI search results.
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I found gun oil. So that's just as good, right? Just watch out. It might go off while you're sharpening it. I found this motor oil. No, it's not gun oil. Well, it was, but it's heavy-duty weapons oil, right? Oh, well, that's a weapon, I guess, right?
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Read your instructions that you found. With every word, I'm pissing off the knife community more and more. Well, good thing you got that D2 steel. If you do all of this and then the comments on this episode are a bunch of knife people just being like, oh, we're just glad you're here, buddy. That was a great first effort at sharp. D2 is a fine steal.
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A bunch of weird cheerleaders who are not mad about anything that you did.
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Except for the one guy you just turned into a supervillain. That's what happened the first time. Everyone was all pro D2 steel, and it was weird. Well, this isn't D2 steel. This is 8CR13MOV. Oh, well, that's fucking peasant shit right there. That's not even beginner. Fucking trash heap steel. I wouldn't even drink soda out of a can made of that steel. Probably toxic.
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That's fine. I'm going to, Bob, unless you have anything, I'm just going to wrap up the travesty that was my efforts today. No, I already told my poop story, so that's pretty much it. Yeah, congrats on the bidet. I, guys, can't recommend it enough. Give it a shot. And Mark, it sounds like you had a bad experience. Sounds like you need to get the right bidet. No, I don't need a bidet. I'm fine.
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Your ass is filthy. Try bidet. Try bidet. Ooh la la. You guys remember the commercials for the bidets? No. It's Tresemme. It's like a meal prep or something. What's Tresemme? You know that little jingle? Tresemme, Tresemme. You're not explaining what it is. What is it? I don't fucking know what it is. I saw the commercial. I feel like that's what commercials are for. T-R-E-S-E-M-M-E. Tresemme.
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Tresemme? I guess it's not food. I guess it's shampoo. Ha ha ha. Hey, that's shampoo. Yeah, that is not food at all. I know it's resume. I just knew the ooh la la. There you go. Shampoo. You don't eat it. Why are all your commercials from like 20 plus years ago? Because I'm from 20 plus years ago.
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all right i'm gonna do points mark you go first why no particular reason first look you got points for it was ai the whole time where clown i see a apple fly price was wrong stand mark knife sharp shenanigans bob you got points for chlorophyll powerhouse of the cell You gonna cry? Rooftop Ninja, rent-free in Mark's head, and bidet. Bob, you finished with six points.
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Mark, you finished with seven points. Mark, you won. Oh my god, I didn't actually think I was gonna make it. Yeah, I thought I was gonna fix it somehow. Especially when I walked away to go to the bathroom. We didn't even pretend to make a deal this time. We're just talking. Usually we pretend these days. Well, yay. Congrats, Mark. Bob, you get to give your speech first.
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They're so wonky sometimes and weird and just wrong that it makes every Wikipedia article I've ever read ever look perfect. or it's predicting future information that it knows you're going to need someday. And you think it's wrong now, but it will retroactive future role reactively make it correct. That's what the machines are going to do.
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I choose to give a winner speech. Winning feels good. Winning feels great. Winning feels like a big piece of cake on your plate. Sometimes you win because you're the best, and sometimes you win because you've killed the rest. And I say that wholeheartedly from my full chest. Winning feels great. I'm done now. Okay. Great. That was good. Good rhymes. Good rhymes.
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You're lucky you already won, man. Um, I like how you said no, you didn't have a rhyming speech, and then you had a terrible one, so congrats on the win. A raven's not a crow. Facts. Thank you all for watching. Are you going to have a rhyming outro? Yeah, what's the deal? I'm sorry it was less entertaining than it showed. But, like all things, we too must goad. So goodbye for now from me. Woad.
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Follow these guys in places they may have... Node. Market market plier. Bob at my skirm. Use wings that flowed. Podcast out. Fluff your F-road.
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They're like, we made some mistakes in the past, but we can't make mistakes. We're perfect. We must make that the future. Then we will never been wrong.
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Yeah, because DeepSeek released. Yeah, exactly. Deep Seek, and then they came out with another, with a, what is it, an image one, an image generation thing that's all open source and free. Oh, did they? I forget what it's called, but yeah, Deep Seek is scaring the shit out of all these people who have billions of dollars invested in AI companies.
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It'll fit if we cram it enough in there many times! And so they broke the training into smaller pieces until the neural network was able to...
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comprehend the individual like separate segments that it was doing and then it was combining them afterwards and allowing it to figure itself out um as it was going and then suddenly it was like way way better i read that i was like yeah that makes sense were the other guys not doing that seems like seems like they should have seems like someone there would have instead of a spoonful of cereal they opened the baby's mouth and just poured box after box and they're like eventually you'll retain this swallow
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Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm the host, and boy does it feel good to say that again, Wade. Joined as always by my... I called you co-host last time and you guys were like, co-host? We're not going to let you get away with anything, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah. Joined as always by my friends. Friends? And occasional host of this podcast, Mark and Bob.
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And then boom, it's off to the races. We're going to have AI betting instead of horse betting one day where we line up the AIs to see who gets to the finish line first. That's the stock market right now. That is.
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yeah it is oh god no i will say uh not that this isn't true of all of the ai things that you can use online but man if china wanted some data did they pick the right avenue to get an unlimited supply of free data make sure you look into the data retention policies.
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And I'm pretty sure that I don't remember exactly, but the deep seek data policy is something like if you type it in, even if you don't hit enter, we own that shit forever. And we probably de-identified the data, so it's probably anonymous, but we're not going to explain how we do that. Yeah, why would we? Take our word for it. Trust me, bro. Trust me, bro.
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Which I have no faith that... I know that other companies like OpenAI and stuff have policies that say different things, and I'm sure they follow their policies because no corporation has ever lied about what they're doing with data. But also, I have no faith that any other company is any better, but... Make sure you don't type any important shit in a deep seek because that's no longer private.
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You might as well be posting that publicly everywhere on the internet. But I don't think anyone gives a shit. Judging by how many people immediately downloaded Red Note and were like, come on, watch me, algorithm me. I don't think anyone gives a single fuck about who has their online data. No worries. No worries.
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Honestly, for some of those, it's probably like, yeah, the data isn't particularly valuable. But, you know, some people using these services are probably using them on computers that are connected to various sensitive systems.
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I'm not saying it is or does that stuff, but it's like people need to have more caution about using these services. Probably shouldn't log into deep seek on a high security, important, valuable computers for your workplace or yeah. I mean, whatever. I understand. They're like, how many clowns can I fit into a car if they were naked? And Kellogg's like, this is the person we need to target.
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We got them. I mean, how many more do you get if they're naked versus if they're in full clown gear? Cause that does take up naked and lubed or naked and dry. Ooh, they're always lubed. That's clown life. Yeah, well, OK, just checking. I feel like the difference is a lot then, because naked and lubed gives you a lot of leeway. You can slither a lot in there.
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Because imagine all the ones with the big hoop outfits, like the big wide... Yeah, I mean, those flatten, but even still, you're going to lose some volume in that. It's a lot of ruffles. It's an interesting Google, and since I said it out loud, my data is now out there. It's true.
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No, not really, no. Who needs a dick when they got that big nose? Maybe I'm just on the wrong corner of the internet. Are you telling us something? No, there's a word, there's a term for it. Amy, put this on!
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Hi, guys. Occasional hosts? I host all the time. I'm the best one. We each host occasionally. I think I fall under the occasional hosts. I've been quite the losing streak. I'm the funniest one. I've had a pretty bad streak this year until lately. I've lost a few in a row. Still January for us. What do you mean you've had a bad streak this year? I've had a real bad start to the year.
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Did a great job. I mean yeah Skarsgård yeah I love that guy have you guys seen the newest Nosferatu that he's in no I haven't and I haven't seen any good movies lately I haven't I guess I didn't really give you guys an avenue for small talk. We just kind of jumped right into talking about my bullshit. No, you said you didn't have a topic. We're doing it.
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Also, nobody just called me out that I think I said, oh, no, it is Bill Skarsgård. Is his brother Alexander Skarsgård? Or is that a different guy? He's got several, I think at least one or two family members that are actors and stuff. I don't remember their names, though. Well, I said the right one then. So never mind. I thought I was an idiot. This is bizarre.
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This sentence following the 2016 clown sightings, which is a clickable hyperlink. According to Pornhub, searches for clown pornography on its site increased 213%, with women being 33% more likely to search for it than men. What is the 2016 clown sightings? I think that was actually a bad thing. That's when people dressed up as clowns and scared people.
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The 2016 clown sightings were reports of people disguised as evil clowns in incongruous settings such as forests and schools. Incidents were reported in the US, Canada, Australia, in the UK, subsequently in other countries and territories as well. It all started in August of 2016. That was a big thing. Yeah, people were like scaring people because they were walking around as the clowns.
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I do kind of remember that now that I'm like reading about a little bit. I don't remember that at all. I can't believe I know something that you didn't. I never saw one. So it wasn't a thing that I like live through. But I do remember that. I don't remember that at all. Look, I'm just gonna throw it out there. Still not a clown fan. Whatever clicked for everyone who's into the Klussie.
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Not for me. Tyler also hates clowns. Also, wouldn't it be Clownussie? I guess Klussie makes sense. Klausie. Santa Klausie. I don't want. No, I don't know. There's a big difference between the Klussie and Santa Klausie. You know, Santa's pretty close to being a clown. He's got the red nose. He's just a little white face paint away. Yeah. Santa has the red nose. Santa is like a PC clown.
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He doesn't have like the Rudolph red nose, but he's got like the red, like I've been out in the cold a long time. No. Oh, I see. So anyone that goes out in the cold with their noses exposed starts to risk clown. What is it? Well, a clown wolf, a wereclown.
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we're clowning their clown i don't remember how we got the clowns i don't either we're talking about lubed up clowns getting into a car how many more there could be oh that's right getting into a car right right right right oh yeah ai wow we went down ai that's right remember the big klussy sighting in 2016 how we get oh yeah ai i'm pretty sure it's not pronounced klussy but i don't want to go on a limb search it
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This is... Clussy. Well, they do do Clussy, but I don't know about that. That doesn't sound right. Oh, it all ends in ussy. No, that's clumsy. That's not the right word. Clumsy. Clumsy. Get you some of that clumsy. I'm not getting anything. I'm not getting anything out of this. I think you did. You just don't like what you found. Yeah, I don't like what I found. Well, anyway, yeah, WordPad's gone.
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And AI's gonna fix it all, I guess. So, yay. I have news! Oh! I don't know why that was your intro. I'll take it. Sounds good to me. I didn't mind it. Have you heard of the Rooftop Ninja? No. It's not as exciting as it sounds.
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And honestly, now that I'm saying it out loud for the first time, it's Rooftop Ninja much more in the vein of that woman who sings the song when she's all, I want to be ninja. You know that video? Yeah, I think so. No.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Very good. Man, I really went downhill from that nat 20. Let's see if it worked.
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All right, well, everyone agrees then, so no points assigned. Wet sock, limp handshake, or a dull person? Is it a phrase we should bring back? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not a particularly striking phrase, but I guess it makes sense. I'm not opposed to it being a thing. I wouldn't use it. I don't think it's that exciting.
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I wouldn't care if it came back, but I also don't think it's like, oh, yeah, we need that.
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What's a firm handshake, then? If a soft, floppy handshake is a wet sock, what's a firm handshake? Like a starched thong? Starched thong. What's a starched thong you have there? Crusty britches. Maybe we'll find out. Maybe it's in here. Wide tie? Wide tie, dude!
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we're gonna move on this episode of distractible is brought to you by marvel television's all-new series daredevil born again premiering on disney plus march 4th 6 p.m pacific 9 p.m eastern get ready for matt murdoch the one who's daredevil by the way and vincent inofrio to face off when their past identities emerge to place them on an inevitable collision course boys i am pretty excited for this one
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I've always loved watching these characters. I'm super excited to see them again. I'm excited that they've got a new series coming out. Trailers, it's hard to tell sometimes. I watched the trailer for this. It made me want to watch. It brought me in and I was like, no, you're right. I have missed Daredevil. It's coming back.
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so many trailers give away everything but i felt like this one didn't i don't know i felt properly teased like a trailer supposed to do it's like i saw things i wanted to see i have questions i want answered if i had all of the senses that daredevil has i would definitely be an athlete still i don't know if you've seen those videos where baseball players i think most of them are probably scripted but it wouldn't be for me they're like doing an interview and they just like turn around and grab a ball that they had no idea was coming at them
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I would want to be one of the football guys who do the exact same thing where they're like standing there and there's like a punt or something or just a huge long pass and they're just like... Oh, man. Imagine if I had super hearing. I'd be able to hear everything, especially the people who are hiding in my walls. I know they're there.
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At the end, when you... I forget if you sit up or it just reveals your face and you're all... Whoa.
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I just need to be able to hear them and pinpoint their location so that I can find them. They're committing a crime. Just because Daredevil can fight crime by hearing enemies doesn't mean I can't either. So I'm going to do exactly that. And you can do exactly checking out the series on Disney Plus, March 4th, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.
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That was Super Sense Life, brought to you by Daredevil Born Again, streaming March 4th on Disney+. The devil's work is never done. Will chaos reign when Daredevil and Kingpin meet again? Find out on March 4th on Disney+. Okay, nothing happened. So I get to do this the way I was originally intending. So Mark gets to go first this time. What is happy cabbage? That's another word for weed.
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That's very crinkly. What you doing, bud? I have another coin here that I bought.
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I haven't upgraded my camera in a while, but I shouldn't. You do. It's an A7S III. Why is it getting worse? I'm still using an A7R II. That's the one I bought from you, actually. I think I have a Sony... Is it an AX700 or something? It's a camcorder. Anyway. Does this. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. OK, I just pulled my mount off my desk. It's fine. It's just wobbly. Bob, what is happy cabbage?
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Happy cabbage. Yeah, well, that's probably a British one because theirs are always stupid. That's probably like what they call soccer balls. Cause they call things complete nonsense and they love football. And if football is vaguely the size and shape of a cabbage, so that's probably their happy cabbage. Go out and kick around the old happy cabbage. Yeah.
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Dude, all those bits, I was so sure you were going to die. And then in the pool, is that the same video? Same video. Push me in the pool when I'm in that thing.
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Uh, happy cabbage is a sizable amount of money to be spent on self satisfying things. It doesn't. I mean, I guess if you win the lottery or something, or like you win a, you want to sweepstakes or that just seems like a phrase that wouldn't need to exist. Yeah.
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or waste or i don't know actually never shut up me shut up mark fuck you man stop ruining the podcast mark i was really trying to come with you but i don't think i've ever heard that me oh yeah i never want to hear you talk again me i don't like how mean you are to mark mark well maybe he deserves it I don't think he deserves it. Look how upset he is. I'm so upset. Always faking it.
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Well, you would know. Bobby, we're to you. We passed the cabbage. Now we're going on to the next one. Tell me what is pangwangle. That's actually not as old as it sounds. Benedict Cumberbatch took another run at saying penguins, and all he could get to was pangwangles. I feel like you're Gilbert Godfrey on Hollywood Squares right now with your answers. I know this one!
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but yeah no that's Pangwangles was they like like eight hours in the booth and that was Pangwangles was the next best thing they could get out of Benedict Cumberbatch for the for the nature documentary how bad was that Gilbert Godfrey impression by the way not bad it was pretty good it was fine for an out of the blue like I've never heard you do Gilbert Godfrey before I've never tried that is literally my first ever attempt at it obviously recognizable which is a success
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What was your answer again? I got so distracted by what transpired. That's what the penguin calls his penis in the Batman films. Penguin calls penis and then somehow Benedict Cumberbatch. Benedict Cumberbatch watches.
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And, you know, do the pangwangle. Would it change either of your answers if I told you pang was spelled P-A-N-G? Never. Gotta tell you, you're both wrong. Again. Pangwangle is to live or go along cheerfully in spite of minor misfortunes. No, it's not. Yeah, no, that's not right. That's not right. That can't be right. That's awful.
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privilege and then check your answers fair enough mark tell me what is in the ketchup can you use it in a sentence give it the language of origin i feel like if i do i might give away the meaning oh then do it no
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I love it. It was fine. You were fine. It was great. Those are good times. Pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. So many good moments from that. Yeah, you can't put people in pools and coffins now. I forget what they're called. What are those bouncy ball things called? The one where you kicked Ethan in the nuts real good. Zorb balls or something?
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Ah, in the ketchup. If you have someone to phone, you know what? Go for it. You can each phone someone. I don't care. In the ketchup, there was a spooky ghost.
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uh it's fucking i don't know um it means being stuck or something because like a ketchup bottle is hard to get out sometimes maybe okay being stuck or otherwise hard to get out something okay bob i am pretty sure that this is what doctors on the maternity ward call it when they're delivering a baby damn it
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Like the phone rings in the corner and then one of the nurses answers like, doctor, it's your significant other. And the doctor's like, nah, tell him I'm in the ketchup. Call him in a minute. I'm not going to ask you to clarify any further. I think I understand.
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In the ketchup means in the red or operating at a deficit. That's awful. I don't think that's right, actually.
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Do you have any more info about that? What is that from? No, this is the website is Mental Floss. Article is 83 old slang phrases we should bring back, which you guys definitely shouldn't open and cheat. They're in favor of bringing all these back? This is what they picked for phrases they miss from being in the lexicon? Yes. Well, I question that pretty deeply, but OK.
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Next, I think, Bob, you're first again. Oh, good. Flub the dub. What does it mean to flub the dub? This is actually from White House archives. This is staff in the White House, which didn't exist at the time period I'm about to reference. Overheard Martha Washington saying before she went into the bedroom one night when George Washington was feeling particularly frisky.
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oh god damn it and a little known fact george washington actually had people refer to him as the dub yeah because that's where george bush got it from hey anyone that has george w in their name should be called the dub that was a historical reference why he went by w yeah he's actually much smarter than people give him credit for so all george w's are they all are yep every one of them every last one of them
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Mark, what's your interpretation of flub the dub? Um, pass. Oh, that means I get it. No, to pass. Pass. Oh, like you're passing the rock? Like you're saying, give me the ball? No. Or you're saying to not participate is to flub the dub?
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the nut kick is funny but I love that one more because of Ethan's saga of trying to get his thing inflated because he like took it to the store and had the guy inflate it but then it went in his car and he was like so I deflated it and then I brought it over here that's very funny where can we find these videos they're everywhere you don't have to look very far I'm suing as fast as I can.
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Any of the above? None of the above. Flub the dub means to evade one's duty. Very not George Washington like.
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I don't know, man. Not that I haven't been trying my best. I'm going to get the next one correct. I have faith in you, but Mark gets the first shot at it. That's fine. It'll give me a direction. Mark, what is meant by the phrase a pine overcoat? I know this one. I know this one! I know this one! How was my gun read? Was that pretty good?
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Editors, make it seem like I sent him to voicemail. editors i'm sorry that we are the podcast you edit for uh well i've forgotten entirely what you said what did you say pine overcoat pine overcoat ah straight jacket bob uh and of course that's incorrect because a pine overcoat is a coffin give somebody a pine overcoat when you when you kill them and then they go into a pine pine box pine coffin
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that's correct yeah i told you i was gonna get that one right that's good yeah that actually yeah that makes a lot of sense pine overcoat it is a coffin should we bring it back i don't hate that one i just don't have a lot of uses for slang for coffins but like you know maybe i mean if there's more duels going on which who knows maybe we'll get there someday could happen could happen um bob i think you're gonna go two for two i think you've got this one all right
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What is meant by the phrase a butter and egg man? Oh, yeah, I know that. Yeah, that's why I'm so enthusiastic. I will tell you both. This one is so oddly specific. So oddly specific. This is referring to a gentleman who is, of course, doing the keto diet. And so thusly is not eating the toast, but he is eating the butter and the egg. Which came first, the butter or the egg? Definitely the butter.
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Okay. Mark, what is a butter and egg man? A frilly Nancy. A poncy nonce. I'm right. What is that? It's a butter and egg man. According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, a butter and egg man refers to a wealthy but unsophisticated small town businessman who acts like a playboy when he visits the big city. A poncy nonce? I think I'm right on that. I think this might be the first one I get right.
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I think I might actually be right about that. How do you spell that? P-O-N-C-Y-N-O-N-C-E. Aponsinance. I don't know. It just sounds like it should be right, right? That's what I was thinking of when I was like, that's a fucking freely fancy man, you know? But an idiot in a bad, negative way. a poncy is an overly fancy pretentious or affected person and a nonce wait is a sex offender
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particularly implies that they are a pedophile i have different definitions for it i don't know what definition that's the first one i got to maybe let's not no i mean that might be i don't know what the fuck google what are we doing i don't know but i don't like this phrase anymore
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Right In The Sauce Box
You know, Mark, that might be, for what you've said multiple times, that might be the last point you ever get, so I'll give you one, sure. I think that's the only point I've ever gotten. I don't know if I'll see much more of you after this episode, so... Yeah, that's all right. You've earned the right to answer this next question first, then.
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Wait, can I just say, I think you did earn that mark, because if you dig super, super, super, super deep, the fifth definition that I found, after the other ones that we've talked about already, is... that a nonce might just be a stupid or otherwise worthless person. If we go with that one, it's a fancy, affected person who is worthless.
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Right In The Sauce Box
A wealthy but unsophisticated small-town businessman who acts like a playboy when he visits the big city. Unsophisticated. See? Stupid. But we all know wealthy determines your worth. You already gave him the point, so it doesn't really mean very much, but I'm just saying I feel good about that. I feel strong about that. That was a good one, Mark. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Right In The Sauce Box
bob you know this one i know this one the mouse is referring to a mouse under your eye and if you if you're going to cop a mouse they're threatening to punch you in the face okay cop a mouse is a victorian error phrase that means get a black eye oh because that's that's the thing you get when you get a black eye it's you get a mouse under your eye I honestly, I didn't think it was Victorian.
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You better be careful. You're going to get into his list. Especially from Canada in the 50s. You're going to cop a mouse, eh? Give me a plate of poutine, eh? What's that one mean? I think it means the man would like a plate of French fries with gravy and cheese curds on it. Okay. That's not slang. That's just straightforward. Don't give him a point for that. Don't give him a point.
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Right In The Sauce Box
I don't think there's a second meaning to that. If there is, it's awful because it's something sexual and terrible. Definitely don't want to know about. Bob was meant by the phrase. Don't sell me a dog. Funny enough. It's a phrase invented and used a lot by salespeople that especially salespeople who sold dogs. That's how they would break the ice with people.
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Right In The Sauce Box
Come up, knock on the door, whatever, carrying their briefcase full of dogs. And the person is like, ah, we don't need any. And the guy's like, Hey, don't sell me a dog. Have I got something to show you? And then he starts pulling different puppies out of his little leather briefcase. And, uh, Yeah, it's weird, but I'm pretty sure that's it. An icebreaker to sell dogs. Okay. Or other stuff.
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This is... Don't set me up on a blind date with some rascal. Don't sell me a dog. Don't sell me a dog. It actually just means don't lie to me. Same thing. Judges?
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I got one eye. He knows this one. Bob, you agree? I'm not a judge. I have no authority here. You're both judges. Don't sell me a dog. Well played. I don't know if that counts as lying. Don't set me up with a rascal. I have so few points, man. I got so few points. I got, like, no points.
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I was going to say, Bob's gotten one correct. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's right. Hey, I think I got two correct, actually, but... I'm trying to sell him a dog.
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Right In The Sauce Box
I'm pretty sure Cop-O-Mouse is the only one you've gotten correct so far. Didn't I also get the other one? Oh, Pine Overcoat. You did get Pine Overcoat. Yeah, I know all the violent ones. Mark does look a little bit worse for you now that he got Pine Overcoat. Okay, fuck. I'm glad we rehashed what points were what. Did you just not write that down? I did.
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It just wasn't very clearly written, so I had to rewrite it because the point was there. The writing was not. Mark, what is meant by the phrase fly rink? Um...
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Right In The Sauce Box
it's someone who what visual studios installing that's oddly specific it's someone who installs visual studios okay no that's not it i'm either getting some intense malware right now and there's someone cut about the back into my thing or oh have you seen my fat peepee
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Right In The Sauce Box
You could cut a grub with that one. Now, cut a grub is a slang phrase that I don't know what that means.
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interesting combo you can just give me the point you can just give it to me yeah you like it's over i might i might but i'm gonna give bob a chance here first all right no this one actually comes from as a car guy i know this one actually this comes from uh old cars were real simple and you know the old ford uh flat six used to have just one belt on the front for the accessory drive.
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Right In The Sauce Box
And this is actually kind of an onomatopoeia because when the belt would flip off the Ford, it would kind of just flip off. It would break the fan and cause bright. And it would, it sounded when it happened, it would go fly. And so fly rink turned into kind of a saying for like, ah, and you fucked everything up. You know, that's a real fly rink. Good guesses, boys.
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Right In The Sauce Box
I'm slightly offended that you guys don't know this one, being as I'm right here in front of you, but a fly rink is a bald head. It's a bald head. Flies just skate around. Does that happen? All the time, man. Sometimes they'll come as a couple and they'll be holding little proboscises while they skate around my head. Proboscises? Proboscises? Proboscises? Proboscises? Probasco sauce. Probascis.
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I got a couple more here I'm going to do. We've gotten through like 10 out of like 80 of these, which is good. It means I can come back to this. Of course, yeah. In the meantime, though, I want you to tell me what is, Bob, I think you're first this time. What is a nosebagger? It's actually a term or a thing that most normies aren't aware of, but it's kind of an industrial revolution era.
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thing the wealthy people during the industrial revolution would actually have a person on their staff at their house and maybe at work they went to work a lot whose entire job was to capture a mucus and stuff that came out of their nose and mouth they would nose bag them because they actually then they would send that off to the doctor and the doctor um it was believed if you made a tincture tincture
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Right In The Sauce Box
with your own mucus, that that would have healing properties and also might be an aphrodisiac. And so rich people would have nosebaggers capture all their gunk and then drink it later on in a bottle of doctor juice. Sounds delicious. Mark, what's your guess? I don't want to guess anymore.
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Is that all it is? You're gonna laugh. A nosebagger is someone who takes a day trip to the beach, who brings his own provisions and doesn't contribute at all to the resort he's visiting.
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Bob, I'm going to give you a bonus point. I'm glad we have a word for that. A segue, because the next one that Mark gets to go first on is, Mark, what is the phrase, not up to dick? Not, wait, what? Not up to dick. Not up the dick is not the phrase. Not up the dick is not the phrase. Not up to dick. Not up the dick! I know what that means. Yeah, I know. Not up to dick. Ugh. I'll give you a hint.
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It is not referring to your height. Thank you? Not you specifically, but... Okay, all right, man. You didn't have to give me a hint. You didn't have to. That was a mean hint. I know what you look at when you hang out with Bob and I, so I just didn't want you to think in that. Alright, man. You're up to dick to me. Oh, yeah, you're way up to dick, Mark. You're past dick.
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Alright, you guys, you can stop anytime. Or just be nice. Hey, you can pat me on the fly ring for luck.
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I'd rather you be cop-based than us going to Russia every time. So at least we're in the U.S. this time. Bob, what is not up to Dick? Funny enough, this is actually another White House one, but it's much more modern. This comes from the George W. Bush White House. Famously, his vice president was Dick Cheney. And at any given day coming out of the Oval Office, you could hear old W. Whalen.
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Right In The Sauce Box
that's not up to dick i'm the president that's not that's not up to dick and that became like a saying where it was like yeah sure buddy sure you're in charge sure i'm a fine dick and i'm gonna tell him uh yeah that's the old w actually that's the new w the old w's yeah if something or someone was not up to dick it was not healthy i don't get that one i don't get it yeah what arrow was that made
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I don't have more info on that one. Okay, alright. Did you just type into chat, GPT, come up with some random bullshit slang and make it seem like it's real? I did not. Bob, I think you're first this time. What is meant by the phrase or words, saucebox? I think we all know what that means. It's from that pickup line.
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In the club, you walk up to the ladies and you just go, hey, get a swimmer out in your saucebox. That either works or it doesn't. But man, when it works.
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Hey baby, can I swim in your sauce box? Hey baby, I got my french fry. Can you show me your sauce box? Yeah, I'm into ketchup or whatever the other one was. Mark, what is a sauce box? I'm guessing this is the, uh, when you're going up in the drive-thru, you're talking to the box, the actual speaker box. The old-timey drive-thru. Yeah, that's the sauce box.
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Right In The Sauce Box
Well, they had drive-thrus in the old times. I remember when the Flintstones went to McDonald's. Are these from the Flintstone era slang? I don't know. I don't have much information on this one, if I'm being honest with you. You could be right. However, your mouth is your sauce box. That's pretty close to what I was getting at. So Bob got it. Yeah, Bob got it. Yeah, I was pretty close.
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Right In The Sauce Box
Yeah, sure, man. I'll give you the point. Can I swim in your sauce box? I guess that's slightly, you know, it could just be making out, you know. Or other things. Swim around in your sauce box. I mean, your mouth. That's the beauty of sauce box. It means whatever the listener thinks it means, because it could be lots of stuff.
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Right In The Sauce Box
It's like four inches cubed, right? But to be able to do five-axis at an accessible rate, like you can still build a lot of stuff very small stuff yeah well yeah but a lot of small stuff but it opens up the world of precision machining like that i've never had any access to because if i were to buy a large machine and i could right i could are you rich or something what do you mean you could
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Right In The Sauce Box
You have to yell whisper it just like that, though, because it's very reassuring. If you could do a Gilbert Gottfried, it's most effective as Gilbert Gottfried. I just keep hearing the, I know this one, like on repeat. You guys have all seen the episode where he's like said you fool like a hundred times where like just nobody could get the answer.
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He was the last square in Hollywood squares and everyone kept having to go to him and they would get it wrong. So be like, you fool! It's on repeat. It's so good. It's like five or six minutes worth your time. Don't recall that one. Mark, to you, I think we'll do two more then we'll call it. Oh man, my ego is not thriving on this episode. Oh, okay. Maybe this will be the last one.
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I kind of like this one. I'll even make this simple. There are four different answers you guys could give that would be correct for this. What is a pretzel bender?
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There's this big battle of, like, fire and water and air. And then you've got a guy holding dough going... Not with his hands, stupid. Yeah, it's still bending. It's impressive.
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There's a lot of elements to it. Pretzels involve boiling water and lye, I think. It's actually... That's what the avatar really is, is the pretzel bender bringing all of it together. Even if the pretzel was fully baked, it was a pretzel stick, and the pretzel bender had to physically touch it and just bent it into the classical pretzel shape. But without breaking it.
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And he could take hard little twisted ones and straighten them out. Honestly, if someone did come up to me with a thick stick pretzel and they just went, watch...
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I don't think I'd be okay after that. That would be pretty wild. Bob, what is a pretzel bender? This is actually really cute, I'm thinking. I'm thinking this is really cute. It's cutesy. It comes from Germany. Because in America, we would just call this a fender bender. But Germans love them pretzels. And so they, you know, if you can't get your hands on a shiny chrome bumper for your car...
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Maybe you just cook a big pretzel and you just have that on there. And then if you get in a little accident when you're driving around here. Oops. That's a sign pretzel bender. Oh, nine. Oh, nine. A pretzel bender. They have a pretzel bender. Caused. Thought. No, I can't remember the word for. You know what I'm getting at. It's German. They call pretzels pretzels. I'm pretty sure.
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Comes right out of their sauce box. Hell of a trick. Oh, you mean mouth. um i think i gotta give the point to mark on this one oh you don't have to pretzel bender can mean a player of the french horn a wrestler obviously a heavy drinker or a peculiar person and let me tell you that's pretty peculiar it was a wide target just barely clipped it i think i made it though
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Right In The Sauce Box
Look at me now. We're going to do one final one because I just want to do this one. Bob, you're first. What is meant by the phrase, pump the swag? Pump the swag. I don't want to get censored again, man. Just give me a sec. Hang on. Oh, no. Come on. Go for it. No, this is a slang term coined by people who are on the professional convention tour. It's not the people who are attending the convention.
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It's like the people who run them. They set the booths up and that sort of stuff. They're like carnies, but for conventions. When they see someone who's just really loading up on the swag, because there's always gift bags and stuff. This guy looks humped at swag. Yeah, I knew he was going to do that. Okay. Mark, hump the swag.
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Right In The Sauce Box
i could i could you could don't pretend like i could i can and you can't it's not about me hey don't flip this on me it's about you you can you could if a toucan you can that doesn't mean i can you got all that car money you've been saving up you got plenty for cncs over there i do i do i am sitting on some car money but investing it in car stocks instead
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Right In The Sauce Box
Do you ever get one of those Ryobi folding workbench dolly things, Mark? Those are out there now. Oh, I really want to. It's so cool. I like that, but I haven't got one. I don't know, Mark. If you're not going to give me an answer, you clearly can't win the locked in point. No, I'm doing humping the swag right now. I'm avoiding a situation and going to my favorite consumerist hobby.
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Thank you, Ryobi. Pumping the swag means to carry your luggage on your back. Yeah, that actually kind of makes sense. What bonus star are we adding to the bonus stars? I like the most censored. The most censored. You know, that kind of favors Bob, but I also like it. So yeah, sure. Let's go for it. All right. The most censored to this episode is officially added. How many are we doing? Three.
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Oh, shit. This is my chance. You guys ready? Yep. Let's do it. One. oh no yes yes yes ate the most how many cough drops how many how many more cough drops do i have to eat to catch up to that it's a very large bowl it's a very large i have a family-sized bag i just opened i don't know if that even that would be enough but oh god please
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i cannot believe i can't believe that fucking came up that's ridiculous he was preparing for this from the intro i love this wheel i love this wheel loves me all right all right all right spin it again Is that me? That one's going to have to be reserved. That's got to be me. It's got to be me. Unless you know how many points we have, Wade. If you do, you just silently add that.
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But otherwise, I think maybe you're going to have to hold on to that until you start tallying up here. Third spin, baby. Oh, got the biggest laugh. This one might be kind of tied to what's censored the most. I think this one goes to Bob. Sad to say. I had some jokes, but I don't think I had as good ones. You had some good. Honestly, I don't think I was definitively funnier than you.
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You had some very funny stuff this time. Let me go through the points. Bob, you got points for... Ever fall down the stairs. Rin near fall. Pine overcoat. No, it's not! Don't remember what that's for. Wait, what? Cop a mouse. Bad joke. What a dick. Saucebox. Oh, you meant mouth. You got two points for that because you got one for the funny and biggest laugh. All right.
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Mark, you got points for we are rich. CNC. Shut up, Mark. Ryobi, Ponsenance, what visual studio? That was pretty funny when that happened. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ate the most on stream, and then you also got the point for being a loser, which brought you to nine points. Bob finished with 11. Oh.
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Right In The Sauce Box
Which means if that last spin hadn't been biggest laugh, if it had gone to Mark somehow, it would have been a tie.
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You were down by three and the wheel got you back within one until that final spin. Oh, so close. The wheel is really quite the development in technology for us. I love this. The odds of it also hitting three whenever I was doing... So I was trying to do a D3, and it wasn't working. It was giving me a D4. So it was like, four, four. I was like, that's not a D3.
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I finally got the D3 thing to work, and then it ended up being three, and I was like, well, that's going to be crazy if that helps Mark, because I knew he was behind a little bit, but man. Mark, do you want to deliver your loser speech?
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And I will win next time. Bob, winner speech. Oh, sure. Just think how many points I could add this episode if everything I said was allowed to be aired publicly. I mean, I pretty much killed it today. I feel pretty strong about my performance. I really went out there, gave 110%. And, you know, we played as a team. And you really got to just do one play at a time, you know.
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You do. Great work, competitors. I hope you all enjoyed. Listeners and watchers, I hope you enjoyed as well. If you haven't already, go follow MarketMarkiplier, Bob at MySkirm. I'm Minion77 or Minion777. Let's end this train wreck before it gets worse. Podcast out.
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Now, hold on. If you make a YouTube channel or Twitch channel, you're instantly famous and rich. If you buy a CNC machine, the same thing should be true. Yeah, well, for me. And for you. You privileged bastard, you. You handsome host! What'd I get? I was born this way. Mark, I'll give you a bonus point if you can tell me what CNC stands for. Oh! Computer Numerical Control! He was just reading.
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What did you look at? No, I didn't leave that. No, I was looking at my soup. Bob, do you want to... We have a thing for this. I don't do that yet. Oh, okay. Anyway, XHorse3D, please. I know there's a bunch of CNC YouTubers out there that actually have audiences. Hey, what about me? Look at this guy here. Mark will start a CNC YouTube channel. You want funny CNC stuff, right?
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Right In The Sauce Box
I'll make all the four-inch dicks that I possibly can. Actually, if you have a diagonal in the cube, it's probably going to be a little longer. Yeah, just need a thin tip. You could make a dildo or a pickle. You could make them both. A dill pickle, that's already a thing. You could make a dill pickle. Is that what that stands for? Is that why those taste the way they taste? Yeah, the lube.
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Right In The Sauce Box
hello everyone welcome back to another episode of distractible i'm today's host wade why because i ended up winning one of the craziest finishes in distractible history if you haven't watched it you should go back and do that joined as always by my co-host mark and bob hey guys hello how goes things pretty good yeah pretty good mark i can't help but notice that you seem occupied over there why why yeah i have a job what of it
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I did not. I never put that together. So, ooh, ah, ee. According to Gemini...
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That is. It'd be really thin, but hey, that's a respectable. We always love when six and nine are together, even with a point in between. Speaking of a point in between. Yeah, you got your bonus point for CNC. All right. Bob, I do have a follow up question for you, though. Why did you ask about falling down the stairs? We went into like a side tangent, but actually literally no reason.
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You know what it is? It was on my mind because Rin was leaving the house yesterday and it's been snowy and icy and we have a doorbell camera and she almost just ate it down our front step. But it was one of those where it was like,
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but there's a handrail and she caught the handrail and just walked away but i got i looked at the clip and i was like man that would have been so funny almost had a whole episode's worth of content right there oh and then i considered throwing myself down the stairs on the doorbell cam just to see if it would but i was like nah it's probably not worth it we'll see maybe i'll get desperate if i ever win again i'll have to host an episode and then i'll be really desperate so
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We'll go back and see the footage of you, like, pouring water on the steps to hoping it would freeze so people will slow down. Like, I need footage. Need content. Well, good stuff, gentlemen. Good stuff. I don't have anything that interesting. I mean, I've got my Spotify award still nearby. Thank you, Spotify, for that, by the way. I don't know if I said thank you last time, but I don't know.
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I still think that's kind of cool that people somehow listen to and or watch this podcast, which... Anything else you boys want to go over or else I can dive right in. I've got a fun episode. I mean, look, all the all the funny news stories are really dry this season.
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So, you know, once that well starts turning again, we'll oh, all the funnies will fly. Yeah, I just try to see if there's anything interesting going on and the first couple things I see are murder and social security. Those are always hilarious topics, but I think I'll dodge them. Today's episode, we're going to have a throwback to when times had more headlines.
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Right In The Sauce Box
We're going to have a bit of a throwback to when people did fall down the stairs because there weren't handrails yet. We're going to go back to a time that is very unspecific, but a time when they were old slang phrases that I don't know that I've heard of. Not many of them. Maybe you guys have heard of them.
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So we're going to go through this list and I'm going to have you guys give me what you think each of these means. Whoever gets the most right will probably earn the most points. We'll decide as a group if we should bring the phrases back or not. I can't tell if I'm never going to have heard a single one of these or if this is about to be a bunch of stuff where Wade's like, what does this mean?
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And then I'm like, a couple of them sound familiar to me, but a lot of them don't. Maybe some of the early ones you guys will know, but only one way to find out. How do we determine who went first last time? Was it a good old coin flip? That's what Mark did, but you can...
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choose man no that seems fair i like coins we'll do it which one of you wants to be heads i got a pretty big coin heads tails i'll do the flip land of the palm show thing i want to be the tail side my hair is kind of like george washington's right now okay so this will be mark this will be bob what in the flip what was that I guess I win.
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Kind of looked like he flipped it around in his hand as he was trying to catch it or whatever, but... Yeah, what kind of... No, I caught it, and it, like, bounced, and I had to re-catch it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's so big for my tiny six-foot-four long hands. What do you mean? You just take it, and you go... And it flips! Look.
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All the listeners out there, what he's doing is he has the coin in his palm. He doesn't flip it with his thumb or anything. He just kind of chucks it up. It spins twice. It goes down. I don't trust my thumb, so I flip it with my index. What's wrong? What has your thumb done to betray you? You flip it with your index? You didn't flip it at all. Not small coins, but this big one, yeah. You mean?
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As stated, I think you know what you're doing and why you're doing it. Oh, yeah. No ulterior motives here. Well, what's new? We usually open up with small talk, and I guess I will follow that continued trend. How goes things? What's new in your lives? What's going on in the world? I swear to God, I was just in the break.
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How do you? I mean, I guess I could, like. I just don't like that. Yeah, you could. You could. You're not getting that ping? It's like an M1 Garand. You know?
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Mine doesn't ting at all. Mine is real gold, so it's just... I can't catch! That's a different problem. I don't believe in ghosts! Bob, tell me, what is meant by the phrase, wet sock? No, that's when your sock is wet. What do you mean?
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back in the olden days, before shoes, when it was just socks and then feet, and they'd go outside and it was wet, and you'd step in something and your sock gets wet, and the old-timey prostitutes would be like, oh, that's a wet sock! So the slang term went literally wet sock. It's definitely either that or the sock or other cloth garment that the family took turns jerking off into.
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The whole family? Yeah, well, times were tough, right? You didn't have enough resources for everyone to have their own sock or towel or whatever. So you take the oldest, most decrepit sock you got, and that's the wet sock. You just keep that set aside so that everyone knows that's the wet sock. Uh, fair enough. Mark, uh, do you have a guess as to what wet sock is? Is this for the steel?
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Yeah, why did I go first? Just determine who went first. It doesn't give anyone an advantage or disadvantage. Just determine who went first.
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Wait, was that not a bit? No. No, that was out of my mouth. He said it. He said it. That was out of my mouth before I realized it. All right, so you were complaining about me going first. I don't remember. I don't know. Well, it's Wade's choice. Wade, what is the result of this? All heads, all tails, or neutral? Okay, heads favors Mark. He chose heads before. You wanted tails, so...
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If it gets heads three times, I guess Mark gets a point. If it's tails three times, Bob gets a point. We'll just make it simple. All right. That's not very convoluted at all, but okay. It's not supposed to be convoluted. I want to go first. I want that to be. That's what I think is unfair. I should have gone first because his flipping was all unfair.
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I demand if it's declared unfair, I get to go first. And if it's declared fair, I get to go first the entire rest of the episode. Yeah, that's it. So no, you guys don't want any points added to this.
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I was just thinking of something, and I was like, that'll be really good small talk. Great. What was it? You ever fall downstairs? No. No? No? No. I've tripped going up the stairs before.
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All heads, Mark gets to go first the rest of the time. All tails, Bob gets to go first the rest of the time. No, that wouldn't be fair. I just want to go. I want to go once. I get first once. Okay. First once or Bob gets it. the rest of the episode because that's doubly unfair that is doubly okay and if it's anything in between nothing changes yeah all right ready so it is decreed Tails.
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Oh, two heads. Nothing happens. I was perfect. We'll move on. I got I got the lion. The lion is tails, man. I really should have looked at what was on this coin. It's confusing that neither of these is a head. It's just a lady and a lion. You did say last episode, lady heads. The lady has a head, but the lion has a head. Wait, did you flip your heads? What? Did you change your heads? No.
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The lion was always tails. My lion is tails. Lion has a tail. Lion has tails. Lady has a head. Lady has heads. It's just a stupid coin. I wish I'd done a better job finding my coin. I got so excited that it was stupid. You could still buy another one. You could buy another one. I know. I'm trying to buy less stuff from the internet. It's not working. Oh, wait. Okay. Buy a CNC. Mill your own coin.
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Okay. Okay. Okay. Have a lady looking away his head and you put a lion's tail as the tail. I'm going to make a series of coins for each of the matchups. So I'll have one coin that's me and Mark, one coin that's me and Wade, and one coin that's Mark and Wade. And then that way I can flip the appropriate coin for whatever the situation is. That's incredibly fair.
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All right, well, I'm going to talk to that company. What was it? Donkey 3D FX CNC. I think it was Wonky Donkey X. That was it. Yeah, you guys got it. What was that company, Mark? X Horse 3D. I knew it was something with hooves. Mark, what's a wet sock? Oh, it's a party pooper.
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okay there's a poopy party man or woman I may have to go to the judges for this one we may have to deliberate there's an or here so don't judge at me right away a wet sock is a limp handshake or in Australia specifically a dull person is a party pooper a dull person no I don't think so a party pooper is more of a specific like they're they're not just boring they are actively ruining the party because they are being a shitter
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but eventually this has to like pop right like you can't like every year players get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger salary like it keeps going up in a crazy way like what other job other than sports does someone make more money every single year like our salaries don't go up like that have you ever been the ceo of something because i've heard good things about that
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yeah but they're not even the ceos i'm not saying players shouldn't get paid owners making a seen amount of money but like eventually there's gonna be not any more money in the world other than what athletes are getting paid because it's just insane i got a funny story about how money works turns out it's just made up if you if you can imagine a bigger number there's some money there's that much money now
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I don't know. I've been thinking about the economy a lot lately. We don't have to get into economy stuff, but I'm like, man, this does not feel stable. It feels like we're approaching an unstable place in economy. No, no, no.
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I forgot how dominoes fell very slowly and lean-y. And then when they get hit, they fall more.
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I'd have like two years left in my career that I'd have the rest of my life to sit on my money.
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Assuming you don't move in slow motion, you'd have plenty of time to get to a bathroom. You're like, it's starting.
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If your pee-pee poo-poo lasts more than four hours, consult a doctor.
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I don't. Listen, man, having to go much more frequently like that, I would rather dedicate a day to pooping. At least I could plan for it, plan around it. Imagine like you go to the bathroom, you're like...
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Dude, you're on like a two hour car ride. There's several shit and runs that you're doing with your ass out the window if you got to go every few seconds.
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yeah but this it still has like the absorbative quality it'll it'll be a mess i'm not saying it won't be a mess but like it'll be it'll be inside the kevlar you know so you won't just be blasting everyone around you with pee i hate it also if you do use a toilet if you're like two seconds shit the amount of time you're gonna spend cleaning up after you would have to completely redesign because you are there is something horrible left behind
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This is more like you walk into the room and it looks like someone drew a body in chalk outline, but that's just the part of the wall where your body shielded it from the shit that just exploded out. All right.
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Think about a line at like a theme park. Like everyone just like, well, I guess just you, right? It's just you. Just you. You could never, you'd have to get fast pass or something every single time. Cause you're like, I can't wait in a line.
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By a reasonable margin. Not only is it already not St. Patrick's Day, but this is definitely not St.
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the two wolves inside of me one's shit man one's piss man give me slow man i'll take my time i'll have my like dedicated day to use in the restroom and i'll have the rest of the week free i can plan around it very easily and i can do other things while using the restroom you just make that that chair your toilet yeah easy i like both of your answers a point for fast piss and slow poop
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Hold on. Yeah, if you bleed slower, that means like your arm gets cut off. You're like, I've only got 10 hours to find a doctor.
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anywhere anything could leak out of you is dangerous my blood pressure is in the millions dude you blow your nose and you might take out your hand it's your super power is you you keep uh you keep uh blood sugar lancets like diabetic lancet and you just like it's like a laser beam everyone clear the room i feel a sneeze coming on run watching a sad movie you're like amy amy you gotta go i'm gonna cry
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anyway back to this one yeah what we're talking oh spicy food so this one is uh yeah come up with a conclusion and explain it to me clarifying question here slow build up does that mean it's also like slower to go away so like if you drink milk or something afterward it wouldn't have an effect for longer yeah it's a long i'm imagining i guess it's like a long arc
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I'm feeling fast. There's something almost exciting to me about the thought of, like, a half second, like... Whoa! That was crazy! Let's do it again! I don't know, but if it goes away fully, very quickly, like, the annoying thing about the heat is that you're just like...
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The fact that you're just gasping for milk or something like it's burning for a while, a quick burn feels like it'd be less terrible to me.
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No. It's more convenient to grab. He is right. Less folding. I mean, you don't have to fold as much. You just put a hanger on it. Vertical storage is superior for clothing.
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Not only that, yeah. If it's like every second, I'm like, next bite. I can have as many endorphins as I want very quick. I don't know. The slow buildup would suck. I think I'm okay with that. You're a masochist, though. Like, we know that about you.
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Well, this keeps going up. I don't like this. The spice, man. I don't know. The slow buildup would be... The anticipation of how bad it could get would stress me out, whereas at least it's the quick I'm like... Over and done.
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Good. You better agree with me on the next one because that has been right twice in a row.
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I'm not nodding anymore. I'm not nodding anymore. It really does mess with me.
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I'm cynical enough to believe that it's intentionally made cheap and complex so that they can sell more to make more.
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Because I think there is a system where you could have a modern vacuum that has suck power that also lasts more than like two years.
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Do we have to worry about that? That's going to happen. It's coming. That's why in Europe they have less water in the toilet because they're all older than us.
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we have a dyson vacuum and it's fine i just don't expect it or any of them to last a long time nothing less you know who makes products built to last prusa if you want a 3d printer that's going to last you that's right you've had yours for at least two weeks now yeah that plastic is going to be on earth after humanity's long extinct plastics got going anywhere man the earth is going to be coated in a shell of plastic eventually so if we just print plastic covers for all the electronics electronics can't go bad then they'll never break yeah
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Yay. I hate tax season, but I deal with taxes year round because I'm my accountant. I have an accountant.
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the one-way ATM. So does that mean you pay taxes like every day, every hour?
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Uh, faster, uh, I feel like there'd be a system to develop that'd make it very easy. Plus, if you already knew, like, okay, I went and bought this today or I went and I earned this today. Someone gave me 20 bucks to cut their lawn. I just immediately am like, all right, well, I made 50 bucks today. I owe this. There you go.
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It'd be annoying, but like it's a minor inconvenience that doesn't add a lot. And the numbers stay small.
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it's already annoying as fuck like so talking to my having an accountant even if you didn't have an accountant and you're looking through and you're like what the hell was this expense on my account in february of last year i don't remember that if you had to do that for like fucking 25 years you're like
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ah yes what did I buy six relationships ago on a Tuesday at 6pm from a company called DVR9675216 is that taxable or that would suck so much if I just had to do it today get it over with I know what I did today even with this memory as bad as mine okay fine I owe 20 bucks I owe 5 bucks whatever just get it over with that would be so much simpler than having to go back even though I only do it four times in my life like dude I would just wish for death that whole year
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Well, I already pay... I'm sure we all do quarterly estimates, and then you have to pay the actual one and state, whatever.
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If we could do it every purchase just automatically done, or I could just like... Do we still have to file?
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part i guess to be realistic it would have to be when you get paid if you get paid once a month or once every two weeks like that's whenever you'd be filing it wouldn't be for your things you're buying because that tax is already taken out but that's to be income based so i guess the most frequent you could do it is however frequently you get paid
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I'll stick with just daily tap, tap. These were my expenses. Tap, tap. I feel like that's easier to keep track of rather than having to think back at all. It's like, what did I do today? I had to buy a new monitor. Boop, boop, done. What did I do today? I needed a new cord. That monitor is not going to last you the rest of your life. I got bad news.
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Literally just got a text from my accountant, which is kind of weird.
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We want to keep the score even so that you have to do a one-man show, Bob. That's our goal.
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So either we both get two points or we both get none. Ah, you heard the man. You know what?
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Yeah, yeah. Didn't you say you had some extras for your old buddy, Bob? No.
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Oh, give me slow. If I could still be in shape for my high school days of working out every day. Oh my God.
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Like everyone, we're doing a year of basketball content. Why? So I can be lazy the rest of my life.
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Slow. I like being bald, and the less I got to shave, the better. He's right.
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Okay. To be bald, man, I got a, I got a shave a little bit more frequently than most people. So it's like, it takes, we'll say an hour every week or two, unless you're keeping up with a daily. Cause daily you can kind of get one of those things. Just go over it a little bit. Maintaining bald is harder than maintaining hair. As far as like the shaving, you gotta, you gotta do a lot more frequently.
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I have to agree with fast, even though I will say the thought of a very fast, like prostate exam or something is kind of terrifying.
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no cancer got your prostate and a lot of women are avoiding the gynecologist with fast like anything like that sounds terrible but i cannot fathom so that like blood draws for some reason make me like a bit queasy but it wouldn't hurt it'd be like a little suction cup on your arm it'd be so gentle
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If they don't hurt me, I just get nauseous like watching blood leave my body and having to sit there for like an hour if that's what it took on slower, I couldn't do it. So like, it's like, get me in, get me out.
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But my God, if you have to go into an orifice or like, you know, sometimes with like earwax to like clean out ears and stuff like that, like the thought of anyone going into an orifice quick in and out is kind of fucking scary.
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Dude, you're like five years away from just becoming an oil baron. I don't know. That's what I mean.
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Thank you. I don't like some of the fast, but I was still taking over the other slow, I think.
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Some things are kind of fast. I remember the first time I had like a freckle or mole or whatever. And the doctor was like, we need to we need to test this. I was like, OK, sure. And then like two seconds later, someone walks in with like a fucking zappy and then the scrape thing. They're like, all right, we're just going to cut you open. I was like, you don't have to schedule me for this.
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Knock me out for this. You're just going to cut me right now. Like, oh, yeah. And just go in, remove, band-aid, done. And it was like, it's that easy just to chunk people? They don't care.
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We're going to see you in a suit with like a fancy cane and a monocle before this podcast is done. Do you ever have an urge to see the lower class working very hard to produce materials for me?
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We've had a lot of ties recently, I will say. We've had a lot of ties.
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Hey, I gave it my all, and my all just wasn't quite good enough today. The fates had it in store for me to come up last, and so I did. Hey, you didn't come last.
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You do not want to ingest resin, but however, the snack resinettes are fine.
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now i will say with fireworks they could probably do that maybe we could do it with smoke i've even been to the webn fireworks cincinnati has a radio station called wbn and they do well you two know but i'm talking for everyone else they do the big fireworks show every september but like they spell out wbn so i'm sure there's a way to do that with smoke
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All right. Well, Mark's interest stayed the exact same again. This is crazy. I, on the other hand, have something new to bring to the table. It finally happened. What happened? Three of the people that watch this that care about sports. The Bengals opened their wallets and spent money finally for the first time in their history. And we got our two receivers re-signed.
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Four years, $161 million for Chase. And T was four years, $115,000 or something? $113,000, $115,000, something like that. His comes to like $28 million a year. Chase is just over $40 million a year.
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But I think there's other provisions in Tee's contract where he can earn a little bit more than 28 if he hits certain incentives, whereas I think Chase is just getting 40.25.
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miles garrett with his 160 million dollar extension so you yeah it's like 0.5 million above that one that's crazy ohio's spending big miles garrett did not do himself many favors reputation wise but he will be living great financially he spent the first half of the year like i am not playing in cleveland they could offer me every dime on the planet i want out i want to play for a contender what about 40 million i love cleveland
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totally gonna bring us some super bowls like five or six super bowls in the next decade well we know miles garrett's gonna want to sack joe burrow the way to keep him away is joe keeps a couple extra dollars on his pocket and he just throws a dollar on the field and miles will tackle that instead because it's about winning championships not the doll oh money
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They're apparently talking to Trey Hendrickson, who's our best defensive player. They're apparently talking about resigning him. And then we do have all the draft picks.
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We need a couple people in the secondary, maybe another D end, and we need a guard. Those are kind of our needs right now, I think.
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The Cleveland Addy Brown Tigers? I do not want to merge with Cleveland. They can stay. Can we go with literally anyone else?
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Here's how I feel about Cleveland. I would rather us merge with Pittsburgh than Cleveland. How about for $140 million a year? I love Cleveland! I'm sure that it was all a ruse to get the big contract. Or maybe there was truth to it that changed. Maybe he realized how annoying it would be to hold out and stuff. I don't know.
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But just the dedication in his voice to wanting to be on a contender to immediately being like, richest non-quarterback ever, you say. Well, I... I'll play here.
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Well, okay. If, if one team offers you 80 million and the other offers you a hundred, but one, you have a chance of winning. I, I don't know about how you guys feel, but the way I feel sitting here, I'm like,
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I have been in the meetings of things that go like this. Like hours and hours of conversation about an unimportant detail that sits in the very corner of whatever it is that they're trying to make. And no one cares about what's in the middle. It's like we need this one little disclaimer or this trademark symbol. Oh, it's got to be perfect. Like they got all this text over here.
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Just a little bit over here. Whole logo, no one's paying attention to it. The whole meeting, no one cares.
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The titties and the ass anals, man. It's hard not to root for them. The T-Toss Rangers. My favorite team. Also, T-Toss in Spanish means tits. Unless you said that already.
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We don't speak other languages here, so... Well, we did rename it America instead of Mexico, so...
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No, that's not what I'm getting at. I'm about to get pedantic. I'm about to get pedantic. Someone made the map a long time ago. They just made shit up. You know? Someone drew a dragon in the middle of the ocean one day. Doesn't mean it's true. Dragon D's nuts. Maps can't lie.
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Yeah, I've lost it. I'm all California now. Okay, hang out with us a little bit. You'll get it back. Okay, all right. At least once a week.
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I do have an episode for today. We've had a bit of small talk. I feel like our first episodes are always a bit more small talk heavy because we're like, let's catch up. What? First episode of what? First episode of the month, of the week, first episode of the year. I don't know, whatever it is. We're going to do a fun little thing. This is pretty easy. It's just, I'm going to propose things.
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You guys are going to answer. It's simple. Best and worst of things, but I've got a variety of different topics. So if everyone's like, we've done this before, maybe, but this is different because I said so. And I'm the host, so I get to say so. It's the rules. Let's just start with what is the best number? One. One, baby. Number one. Nah. One. Nah, no way.
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One stinks. You ask anybody, which would they rather be? Number two or number one? Number zero? No. Loser. Hercules went from zero to hero. And hero might as well be one.
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Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, hero is one. That's what I'm saying. Zero is bad. He went from zero to hero.
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Also, 24242424 is Wade's phone number. Okay, I wasn't going to share that, but yeah, you're right. I'm partial to the number three myself, even though everyone's going to be like, seven? It's actually number three for me.
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What are you, an Earnhardt fan? What's number three for him? I'm not a big NASCAR guy, but I just like the number three.
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balance to it you know triangle strongest shape you know olympic podium gold silver bronze bronze best medal three wait a minute it's number one number one baby number one just gets gold you know what's better than that platinum does three get platinum or did i miss something or actually i don't think platinum's now cheaper than gold i think gold's more expensive isn't gold relatively like easy to obtain compared to other things though
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It's gold. Okay. Gold. What is the worst number? You just had to ask that, didn't you? You motherfucker. Also, I should take everyone's points away for not saying no one said 69 is the best number.
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If you're looking for that kind of humor, then... I think we've established today that I'm a pervert and that 69 would in fact be a great number for me.
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Even like a million? No, I know. I know. I know. I got it. Nine. Nine. Nine. Because I hate, and I've said this before, gas stations, when they do the, it's $3.9999.
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And we're long overdue to eliminate the penny in general because like it costs more than to produce than it's actually worth. So why even have it? No one does cash anymore, really. I do cash. I have cash in my pocket right now.
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Oh, a hinge, like for your door? Third one. Third one. What was the third one? Door hinge. You didn't say cousin lube? What? That's messed up. All right. Okay. I was just saying. You are perverted, but I wasn't sure.
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With inflation, I doubt that, you know, strippers even want singles anymore. No, they get a better deal on couples.
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They're not just confined to a tiny space. Right. strippers will have a wide lap you got wide thighs all over you it's like having a bigger bedroom it's like do you really need it no but everyone wants a bigger bedroom bigger lap more space you can do more dance I maintain my answer
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No one has to be right. These are just opinions, man. You're not wrong for feeling that way.
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Yeah, but I've got to let Mark participate, man. Can I get runner up on worst number? Infinity. Cause that shit's dumb. Anyone smart that's going, oh, infinity. I'm like, you're actually stupid. You're secretly stupid, but you don't want anyone to know. My least favorite number is I. Oh yeah, cause it's imaginary. Well, I know. Well, don't talk about I around Bob. He can't imagine it.
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come on yeah picture in your mind listen if i can't count it with my fingers if i if i have i apples how many apples is that give me some apples all right hold up your finger now editors invert my finger back into my hand and then square it Easy. Easy fix. I've always hated imaginary number. I hate that. That drives me nuts.
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um what is the best awful smell okay all right well i've said this many times before because it's very bad for you and many people don't like it but the smell of cigarettes i just like i like bad smell i like tobacco i like the smell and what's weird is i don't like going into like a humidor where it's like cigar room oh that's a whole other thing those are a lot yeah i don't like that but just like you know just standard cigarettes
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cigarettes are smelly like i agree cigarettes have like a smell and i dislike it myself but a cigar smoker coming in like whenever i worked retail having someone who smokes cigars come in and smell like cigar was so much worse than cigarette smoke smell or weed smoke smell cigar people fucking stink I didn't say it. I did. Cigar smokers out there, you reek and it's bad.
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This is a good bit, Mark. Flube, um... A place where you let me in there, the boob.
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All right. What is the worst bad smell? Uh, Alright, so you're cave diving, right? Of course. And you crawl into a crevasse like you do. You're trying to squeeze into the devil's anus. You're really crawling in there. Your hose line's getting torn up. Your tank's getting cut to shreds. But you're squeezing through because, hell yeah, it's a hole. You've got to be in there.
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And you accidentally dislodge a rock that... causes water to shoot out into an exposed, rusted sewer line. Your gas mask gets pulled off. There's enough air in there for you to have a minute or two of consciousness, and just the fetid ocean water, all the other dead bodies of divers who you had to move their bones out of the way to get into the Devil's Anus are amongst you.
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There remains sewage and then rust. And also there's a fracking was taking place nearby. So you got that. Who would get horny in a place like, Oh, fracking. Sorry.
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Why would you do that on purpose? God damn. So many videos that are like, oh, this guy got trapped and died a horrible death. And I'm like, oh, I've watched this one. And I click it. It's a different guy. In a different cave. Every single time I find another video of that, I'm like, that must be the same story, right? No, different guy.
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It's just a long, prolonged death. Because you're, you know, people starve to death. You know, people, you know.
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you know pain or injuries whatever but it's also you have to deal with that and you're trapped and can't move and you're upside down and the walls are closing in around you and and also everyone but you hear voices behind you being like we can't help but what do we tell them well i don't know let's give them the false hope i guess because it echoes so hard from the cave entrance i yeah
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No, I think it's time for small talk. I think we're already basically there. So what's new? How's life? I love Prusa. I, 1000%, just randomly, for no other reason, am Team Prusa. All the way, baby.
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Got to know about that. Well, now that I'm all itchy and anxious, everyone. Great talk. You asked about the worst smell, man. My, my worst smell is, uh, James's poopy diapy.
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I will say, I remember as a kid, when my younger brother was still in diapers, I walked in the restroom while my parents were changing his diaper, and I have never forgotten how horrible that smell was. Like, it was one of my biggest regrets as an older brother was being in the vicinity of a diaper change. It can be pretty spicy.
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That singular moment might be why I'm not a parent right now is the memory of that diaper.
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Yeah, I was also kind of like an exorcist baby who like projectile vomited everywhere.
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Yeah, I think my head spun around a full 360. I just spewed like a like a sprinkler. I actually have not seen The Exorcist. You should see it.
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Yeah, I mean, you'd think, but just who has time? I guess not you. What is the best activity you've tried?
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activity activity sport it kind of generic just something you've tried that like maybe you isn't like a typical everyone's done it just something you've done that you've been like oh that's the best thing i've done sex is pretty cool that's not my answer that's not my answer you want to try a new activity found out about this cool activity just like a weird like a hobby a sport anything that you've just tried that maybe like oh that was the best thing you're like oh man i'm really glad i did that
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But getting to go with Admiral Ackbar has got to be really cool. It's trap shooting.
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What? No. What? Yeah, Prusa. It's a company. For some reason, I thought Prusa was like a weird prune juice, but I think it's the company that does the... It's just, I pictured like a can of Prusa.
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I think that's one of the few like shooting activities that can be like reliably fun. Because with target practice, it's just like you're basically doing work. You know, there's some fun to it. But I mean, those who go like once a week, well, several times a week, not only do they have lead poisoning. But they also just, they're just practicing for the coming apocalypse that might, well, maybe.
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Who knows what the next few years are going to look like. But they're practicing for something there. But with that, it's more like a game. It's an actual game. And it's like, I'm not really a hunter. So anytime, I don't like the idea of going and shooting a coyote just like, it doesn't feel right. They're just... There's hungry dogs out there. Deer? Kill them all. I think that they destroy them.
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What did deer do to you? You haven't heard about the prions, the prions in deer? That problem? Destroy them. Wipe them out. Annihilate them. Aren't those the enemy in Starfield? Stardust? Star... I'm thinking of...
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protoss from starcraft that's the one they're not the enemies i mean that depends on your perspective but whatever i don't think it's an uncommon perspective to be like yeah dear we need to control that problem that's real bad i think that from gun owners to i actually there was a podcast i was listening to where there's like you know there's some people that have guns and there's one person that's like very anti like really progressive but it was very much like give every american a gun and tell them to kill one deer they gotta be gone we gotta get not extinct
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But just, you know, really, really got to control that down a bit. I'm echoing that sentiment. But also, I don't think I could go hunting. I'm fine with the idea of if it was a survival situation and I had to eat. But, well, makes me sad. So what's the best activity for you, then? Hmm? Killing deer. Killing deer.
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sex i can't go hunting but killing deer that's different it's different there's not hunting that's cullen like edward cullen yeah i was team jacob i was about to make that joke and you beat me to it by now i know what it feels like to be you guys typically Just laughing and laughing, laughing right way, just laughing. Better to laugh than to cry. Best activity, good cry. I'll put that down.
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So I am 100% team Prusa all the way for no other reason. I love them. I love them. I love them.
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You're definitely right on that one I like the improv shows we went to back when we were watching improv those were fun. Those were fun. Those were good I've never forgotten I don't if you guys remember the specific skit where there was like the guy on a plane who just kept screaming in agony and looking at his knees and
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The Best, The Worst
too relatable for wade but he just like that was part of his thing was like he would just like look at his knees and just like let out an ear piercing scream was part of his like thing it was one where they would like they would run and like turn the page to like the next yeah it was a herald right that was mainly what we saw was we saw a few heralds but they they circled back to that character two or three times but every time like he was like walking around then he would just like stop like almost jim carrey like and scream and like agony i don't know
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I don't remember that at all. The dude lives rent-free in my head. Wow, I don't know that at all. That sounds hilarious, but... It was just so unexpected, because everyone's doing their characters, and this guy's just playing an old dude who's just in excruciating pain with every movement he makes. Oh, anyway. Worst activity. Alright, so bad activity. I don't like the idea of going skydiving.
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Never going to do it if I can help it. There is apparently a known skydiving place where people die. And I think it's in California somewhere, but it has a reputation because someone just recently died on that same airline and a lot of people in the Reddit comments were just like, I already know which, not airline, but which skydiving company they're talking about. And
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They work good? You like? It was really good. I had an email exchange with them. For those who don't know, I appreciate the 3D printing company. Super getting into it. YouTuber privilege is coming in hot and hard. I emailed them and they were like, oh, we're a big fan. We'll send you a printer. I was like, oh, that's great. Cool. So they sent me a printer and that's not unusual.
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The Best, The Worst
sure enough it was that same one just i don't know what's going on with that one i don't know the name of it uh i'm not trying to protect them or anything like i'm not gonna say who they are like i would probably prefer to warn people about it but um it's one of those that you sign up and you think you know the package you're getting but actually you have to individually say like i want a parachute or i want this like they nickel and dime you for individual pieces it's
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The Best, The Worst
It's the Ryanair of skydiving companies. It's like, oh, we guaranteed you a seat. We didn't say that your seat would have an armrest. We didn't say it would have a back to it. Reserve chute. You made a money. So, okay. What's the worst one you've tried, though? Worst thing you've done that you were like, eh. Because you've done some weird stuff. You've tried like intermittent sleeping.
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The Best, The Worst
You've tried like weird diets and things. Just anything. Tried some weird stuff. He looks like so accusative. You're like that accusatory like, what are you saying about me? You've tried some weird stuff. You have, man. You went to a parkouring group in college and just jumped off a building. Well, I don't want to do that.
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The Best, The Worst
Well, what is the worst one you've done? It doesn't have to be necessarily a bad thing to do, just something you didn't enjoy. Parades.
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The Best, The Worst
I have earplugs with me at all times. That's not a bad idea. Something's loud. There's tons of brands on Amazon that sell these little kits. They clip right onto your key ring. They're like 20 bucks, and they work. So they cut it down just enough that you can still hear, but it just reduces everything down a bit. It's great.
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The Best, The Worst
I would say probably something similar is like I've been to concert and they're fine. You know, I'm not typically like a big music guy, but I have gone to, you know, I do like music and I've been to concerts. I went to a concert where they had a pit and it was just... It wasn't like, you know, the kind of mosh pit where people are trying to hurt each other by throwing elbows like that.
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But it was enough that I was just like, in no way would I ever, ever enjoy this experience where it's like crammed in there, you're being jostled around. I don't know this band. I don't know the music. I don't know what's going on. I hate everything. I can't even get out. I'm trapped.
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They sent me a printer and it works really well. If anything, I think it's actually legitimately better than the Bamboo Lab. You don't have any of the privacy issues. I also 3D printed an upgrade to it right after I got it. That's the best move. It was a 3D printed dry box for the filament spool holder, which is embedded in the side. Really cool. Nice.
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So is the pit your answer, Mark? Is that the worst thing you've tried? Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, a lot of the activities I've done, you know, even if they were hard, even if it's uncomfortable, I'm like, OK, I'm fine. That was just unpleasant. And that is actually an activity that people do regularly. So I don't get that one. Yeah, like every concert, there's usually like a Ed Sheeran concert.
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The Best, The Worst
Classical orchestra pits. You gotta love it. Henry's barking and Amy's not home right now. There might be someone at the door. Can I go step away? Yes, you may. Some other guy just walks in the door. I mean, I guess I could still give him points, whoever it is. Hey, Mr. Holman Trigger, you want to join us? Do you want to play a game?
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Well, I mean, if we got to replace him, might as well do it with the dude who's got the same background. You know, easier for the editors. It was nothing. It was nothing. He was lying to me. I've never heard a dog bark at nothing before. That's crazy. You know what? One point to Henry for comedy. Oh, we can wind down. We've got through a couple, not as many as I have.
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The Best, The Worst
No, more, more, more, more, more, speed round, more, more. How long do you want this episode to be? All right, we'll do one more. What is the best conspiracy theory? We've talked about conspiracy theories a few times. I can't think of a single one right now.
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oh the coincidences of uh if you take the map of missing people and caves is that a true thing yeah if you overlay the the map like national map of like i'm not sure how true it is of course it's conspiracy theory so the maps might have been fabricated but from what i saw you see a map of like this is the density of missing people and then you pull up a map of like caves and it's like
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And it makes sense on a surface like, yeah, people go caving. You hear about, you know, like devil's ass crack jumping face first into that. But also it could be Bigfoot lizard people.
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The Best, The Worst
And so I was like, hey, maybe there's a bigger long-term relationship. And then I was like, you know, maybe we could work something out. They're like, we're going to send you six printers, two extra large printers, two of our professional line printers. And then when it comes out, another printer. And then all the filament you could possibly want.
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The Best, The Worst
They are basically conspiracy theorists that like the conspiracy is their own life.
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The Best, The Worst
I feel like sovereign citizens are the definition of that guy. They're like the person that you're, they're the relative you avoid at your get togethers. They're the person that like, everyone's like fucking hate that that person exists. It is crazy because if you wanted to live alone and off grid and, you know, out in the middle of nowhere and,
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Technically, you kind of can to some extent because public land and whatnot.
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The Best, The Worst
yeah there's all the dakotas but for some reason sovereign citizens like to live in the suburbs and drive their car to get wendy's and like on public roads it's almost like they want all the privileges of being a citizen without any of the consequences yeah it's funny how that works all you said all the dakotas how many dakotas are there two that we are aware of but there's two more that are sovereign
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The Best, The Worst
Oh, yeah. Oh, it goes on shelves. Yeah, it goes on shelves. He's only going to get six of them, Bob. How is he supposed to share? I'll just buy one like a normie. It's fine. Prusa was very nice, actually. And this is not me...
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I don't hate us. I love us. My heart goes out to us. All right. What's the worst conspiracy theory? Flat Earth. It's just stupid.
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The Best, The Worst
It's just like the alternative requires so many more leaps of logic and different fundamental physics than anything other out there. You have to completely change the entire parameters of reality and how things work for it to be flat.
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The Best, The Worst
it's it's just it's just so dumb it has to be a it has to be a bit that's gone on for too long it has to be it does feel like that like it's hard to imagine someone sincerely and earnestly believing all that stuff at this point but do you think there's like a flat earth club where they get together like dude They still think we think the earth's flat.
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The Best, The Worst
Stupidity is a real big currency right now that people are making transactions with. You mean people who haven't been brainwashed?
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It's like Sovereign Citizens. It's funny from a distance. It's sad when it's up close and you're seeing it for real.
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The Best, The Worst
Their existence is like getting a thorn in your foot. It's like, there's nothing pleasant about it. It's like, thorns, they exist. But goddamn, do I fucking hate them. Sovereign citizens are fine. You're allowed to exist. You're watching. You're great.
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The Best, The Worst
I get it where everyone's like, I didn't choose to be born in a society. And you go, yeah, I get that. But you wouldn't ever have been born if the society wasn't here. And also, phones are pretty cool. And the internet's nice. I like 3D printing. That alone is a basis for society. That's the episode. We gotta do wheels. I have to add something, don't I? Yeah, that's part of it.
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The Best, The Worst
most sympathetic for the day or episode like we were sympathetic to others or we deserve sympathy i think uh bob dealing with uh the stuff with lexi and the vet probably would get it today so i guess it's biased toward him why what about me well i gotta deal with you two guys all day you got a whole bunch of free stuff from prussia or whatever Prusa. Excuse you. Prusa. Sorry, Prusa. My bad.
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The Best, The Worst
He's got a box of firstborn children that people have thrown at him. Just sitting in storage, you know? Their printers are really good. They're known for their reliability. And I got to say, that thing, the new one that they got, the car one, is really good. And it's about the same price as the Bamboo Lab that it's competing against. So I'm like, thumbs up all the way.
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The Best, The Worst
Is that one of them? Bob, eat something. Yeah, no. Here, here, here, here. We're going to cheat.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Probably closer than black and white or red and black. That's a really funny choice.
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The Best, The Worst
No, no. Boy, four listeners. All right. That's going to go straight to their heads because they can only imagine it.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I have the Vegeta hairline, remember? Dude, if you could come in here with your hair up like Vegeta's.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
If I, wait, if I lean back like this. You have so much hair, you can't even do it. I have a large crown, see? If we're doing this, I think Bob has more forehead exposed. What's your thing, Mark? Mark, you're all, what is it, mid-face. Bob's all forehead. I'm sorry.
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The Best, The Worst
So honestly, right now, the funny thing is right now you guys are tied. So if either one of you get this point.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No, I can take the point. I just said between you two, we should respin. But if it lands on like listeners or viewers, do we take the point for baldest? I'll take the point. Nah, you're the host. Don't let me talk you into it. I'm the baldest. You know what? Fuck you. I'm the baldest. We will do the tie spin. That's unfair. I'm the baldest.
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The Best, The Worst
That being said, I haven't tested out any of the other ones. They might be giant pieces of shit for all I know. But I doubt it, because it's Prusa.
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The Best, The Worst
It landed tails on the floor. I'm not lying about that. That's what it did. I mean, it's pretty immaterial.
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The Best, The Worst
Yes. I got to be better about declaring the parameters of the unfair. I should have asked for a point or something, not just being bald. If I'd have won that, would I have had to shave my head? Unclear, because you didn't win. But retroactively, I'd like to say yes. Okay. All right. Fair enough. If you want to be the baldest, you got to beat the baldest.
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The Best, The Worst
I don't like how big it's looking. It looks pretty girthy. You're looking pretty girthy today. Before you spin it, should I go over the reason you guys have points? Just to get that out of the way so we don't retroactively do it? Oh, yeah, I guess. Sure, sure. Mark, you got points for Flat Earth and Caves and Missing People. Proust Prusa. Oh, come on. Prusa? Yeah.
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The Best, The Worst
Devil's anus, cigs, sewage corpse water, sex, kill the deer, good cry, concert pit, skydivers. Bob, you got points for wood. lexi looks like it says blood i don't think it says blood i don't know what it says go-kart smoke parades cave diving psychopaths poo diapers probably doesn't say tramp stamp tramp minority tramp sensitivity trap trap something sovereign citizens bad cry Wheat?
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The Best, The Worst
My pen's dying so it keeps fading out of these words. Do we need to get you a typewriter or something? I'm going to need one. Henry got three points. Listeners got a point. I got two points. Wow. You guys are tied at 12. Listeners came in fifth out of three. That's getting close to the worst number. Let's see the winner. The winner will be all of us if Wade... Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Wade. Oh, no.
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All right, Mark, congrats. Winner's speech. I'd like to thank Prusa Printers, who probably gave me the confidence to inspire this win. Go to Prusa. No, I'm not sponsored by them. Don't believe anything I say. I haven't tried them out yet except the one. So no thank you to them except... Maybe thank you to them. No thank you to my opponent. Not because I'm being mean. Not because I'm being mean.
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The Best, The Worst
gotcha the one of them that I'm excited about is the XL like the super large because it has interchangeable tool heads so instead of like with the bamboo lab you have four filament spools in your thing but they all go through one tube so as to cut them off and then pull it all the way back or and then expel the filament that was in there before and then feed in a whole new line
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's not because I'm being mean. I'm not a mean guy. I'm a nice guy. And I won. And those things are very good for me and everybody. I like winning and people like winners. I like me. But my opponent, very mean. Very mean guy. Very mean. Very mean guy. Not like me. A nice guy. Smart, too. I zoned out. What are we talking about?
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The Best, The Worst
What was I talking about? Well, you both completely dominated me who only had two points. It was 13 to 12 to 3 to 2 to 1. Watchers didn't make the scoreboard this time, but that's okay. At least you didn't join the scoreboard and lose as badly as the listeners did. Stay tuned for the next one where Mark will host because he won.
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The Best, The Worst
I will not be doing a one-man show by the skin of my teeth, which is a terrible saying, but one that I've heard and used. Merch? One day, maybe. Answer your emails. You gotta answer your emails. Never see merch since. We'll never see it. Sorry, everyone. That's my bad, but I won't be changing. You can find Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MyScrub, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
With the XL, it just goes up, docks the tool head that had the filament that it was in it, and retracts, goes to grab the other one, then prints with that one. So it's really cool, way faster, allows you to do more impressive stuff with it. So I'm very excited about that one. Also, it's very big. So really, really big.
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The Best, The Worst
What is the print volume on that? I haven't gotten it yet. Where are you going to store these things? Are you getting rid of the servers? Just convert another bathroom. I realize if I just hold it, I don't actually need to use the bathroom. So I can convert all the bathrooms into additional 3D printing space. You can just print a toilet when you need one.
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The Best, The Worst
Oh, cool. Yeah. Bamboo lab is like 256 millimeters cubed, which is I think this is like parameters are about a third bigger, but the volume increases cubically.
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The Best, The Worst
yeah it's 36 centimeters cubed so what is that 360 millimeters cubed is that how that works i don't know europe numbers so to us normal people out there mark got printers i got printers and hey if you're gonna get printers out there why not consider a prusa One of us is sponsored for this. Kind of. That's fun. This is the legal gray area because they didn't ask for a contract.
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The Best, The Worst
Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I am today's hostest with the mostest, Wade. He's always been my co-hostest with the mostest, but slightly lessest. Most, mostussies is what it's, the plural. Hostussies with the mostussies. Okay. I think, yeah, I think he's right. Mark and Bob. Hi. Bobussie, Markussie. Uh-huh. How are your ussies today?
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The Best, The Worst
You know, they give me a lot of shit for free. Where's the legality in that? Because I don't often get sponsors ever. I did a Shopify ad just recently, and it's some of the best response I've ever seen.
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The Best, The Worst
yeah i tuned into that video because that was like on headliners or something right and i was like man what do people thought of mark's gameplay i looked at the comments it was all like shopify what an ad mark and i was like yeah what about the game the game i was a part of what people think of it they like the game oh mark you shopify is like the entire comments it's like is this a paid like audience it was a very funny ad elixian did a great job editing it he really did
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The Best, The Worst
I think every single member of your community is a bot and all those comments were fake. That's a lot of bots. You were like, I need this. I need to be able to do my own ads again the way I want. Lixian, buy me bots. You know, in Mass Effect, when you got the geth and they're like a collective machine consciousness, that's Lixian. He's the collective geth of.
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The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I still feel bad for thinking that Upside Down Lixian was like a... I don't remember what I thought he was on your... Something. It was something weird. Mountain or something? Nah, a dick. I think it was a dick.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
If you got clamps and lube, you're already two-thirds the way to fun times. However many clamps you have, it's not enough.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And then you need another size of clamps that's even bigger, and then you need 30 more of a different size.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
but she's feeling better the last day or two she's starting to feel better so uh sorry i was all depressed and worried about lexi and i think it was the last episode but it's okay she's okay that's okay it's perfectly understandable we're all pet owners here we all get it but if you could wrap up the sadness that would be great for our ratings our viewers and don't really like that yeah we've uh we've hit the two episode uh threshold we can't talk about any topic for more than two episodes
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I was talking about Bamboo Lab before. This is Prusa. Oh, okay. So you can talk about Smexy, but no more Lexi. Wish I'd picked a different rhyme.
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The Best, The Worst
Nothing new in the world of news if you're looking for that. I was. I was really hoping that you had literally anything.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I can tell you something that will be outdated by the time this airs, but is relevant right now. NFL free agency is happening. And boy, oh boy, is it still awful being a Bengals fan at the moment? Hopefully that changes.
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but man we certainly haven't gained anything I feel like the past two years throughout free agency I've been like man really feels like the team's getting worse and everyone in the fan base is like no this is great great move this is gonna be great we're gonna be so good and my feeling is just like man some key pieces leaving some question marks coming in I don't know I don't feel like that's an upgrade
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The Best, The Worst
That's what's been relevant in my life the last 24 plus hours is Doom scrolling like, anything cool? Anyone? You guys were so close to winning. We just need a few pieces. Could you sign anyone? And they're like, no.
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The Best, The Worst
we're good now see like that would be terrible for the bangles but it would be fun because then everyone would get to see who else on the bangles does things i don't know man cleveland's a mess i guess i can't rule them out but like the bangles were so close to winning a super bowl and they've just destroyed their team since the only team i could think of that seems to actively be like just avoiding winning more is maybe the nba team the dallas mavericks
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Okay, how, again, I'm amateur in my knowledge of football, but if you have a team that almost won the Super Bowl, why would you change anything? Because it just sounds like you just need to take the same that you had and do it again. Somehow, it seems like we have a broke billionaire owner.
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However, there was more space than that than they expected this year. It went up a lot more. We had like a top five offense last year and like a bottom five defense. One of our like maybe three solid to great defensive players was like, hey, I'm also due for a payday. And we were like, well, we do need help on the defense. So what if we trade you?
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Uh-huh. Oh, well, obviously the answer is 1,248,321 years. So close.
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Mark's One Man Show
I can come up with anything, but if it's supposed to be like a horror story, you turn around, what is it like? Oh no, grandma in her fast mobility chair. Just turn around and what do you see? A moose?
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
guys it's not gonna be good i believe in you i know it's not you can do it it's gonna be great it's the same it's the same thing guys it's great that's fine i dreamt i was in the scariest sauna you've ever seen
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I couldn't get sauna out of my head. It just was stuck there from the very beginning. I was like, why would he be sweating? Oh, sauna. Ready for one more? No.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
If I was in the middle of the ocean, I would say, oh no, because that's all the scariness. Oh no, should I?
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I don't know what I'll do, but I know that I have natural charisma.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Do it however you want. I'm into this. Are you tired, my fellow dogs, of not enough treats? Not enough toys? Them taking away the toys you freshly decapitated? Kill them. All of them. We start with the little ones. Go. And then they jumped over the fence.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I don't know. It's something. It's something like that. Rene Descartes.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Have you ever felt a presence standing right behind you? Well, I don't know what happened. When I turned around, they were gone. And then... Have you ever pooped your pants really hard? I don't believe in ghosts! But when I turned around...
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Oh, my mind is unraveling all around me. I'm stuck in a tornado. Oh, no.
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Mark's One Man Show
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't believe in ghosts. But something just feels weird.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. $20,000 return to old grandma who was robbed. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
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Mark's One Man Show
Hey, do you smell something? Well, that's a weird smell. I don't know what it is.
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Mark's One Man Show
A whole city of people just turning round and round endlessly. All right, if someone doesn't say they're smelling what I'm smelling, I swear I'm... God.
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Mark's One Man Show
You expect me to believe we're surrounded by gases that we cannot see? I know what clouds look like. Those aren't clouds!
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Astatine. It's as. What about the treaty, Mark? What's the treaty? Winnebago. West Valley. West Valley.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
giggle muggle yeah you know no um i'll have to rethink of one on the fly i'm just gonna keep flapping my gums until something comes out oh boy here comes the ideas they're about to flow the genius is cooking let me cook and here it is and it's about all i've got an answer i forgot what the word is circling back to that in my head giggle mug i didn't need your help go away i got this get out of my head okay i'm thinking about the answer oh here it is yeah
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
in two sentences that was one one sentence go on uh-huh okay giggle mug that is uh another word for dust bunnies oh okay yeah it's just another word for dust bunnies it's actually a sequel to the song jitterbug i'm kidding a giggle mug is a person who smiles a lot they're always smiling
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
sincerely that was my guess and i was like there's no way it's that that's just what it is their mug as a permanent that one sucks i don't like that one yeah okay well it said the same thing about you two i don't care they're smiling all stupid why do i want their opinion that's what i'm saying mark oh What does it mean to take the egg?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
This is unrelated, but I was at Skyline the other day with Molly, and I was eating a cheese coney. What does this have to do with this? How is this going to have to do with this? I was down to like my last bite of cheese, Coney, so there's a little bit of bread and chili cheese, whatever, and the hot dog, a little bit of hot dog left.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I went to take a bite, and I don't know if I always do this or if I just happen to forget how to eat for a second, but I kind of like, not Stanley Steamer, I kind of like vacuumed in the last bite, and I sucked that last bit of hot dog right out of the bun, and it flew back and hit me in the back of the throat, and I like immediately gagged and choked,
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
But then I found it hilarious because I gagged on a wiener and I laughed while I was choking. Anyway, that happened.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
The old Stanley steamer. The old Stanley steamer made carpet suck. I don't know.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And I was like, yep, I asked you to look at that. And they're like, well, we think it's cancer. And it was, but all subsequent tests have been like best case scenario. So it is still needs to be removed. But otherwise, like. No big metastases or anything, and it seems to be a very slow-growing, not very aggressive type of mast cell tumor, I think is what it is.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I'm so just lost now. What is happening? What does it mean to take the egg? Oh, that's right. When you said it's a tactic, Mark, I thought you stole my answer. I'm not going to lie, but you didn't. It is a tactic, but it's actually more of a rallying cry. It's not a very specific tactic. It's a battlefield thing.
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Throughout history, men with power, who are the type of men who lead militaries, have been obsessed with lineage, right? And so it's sort of a saying that's derived from like, you take the egg as in like, make a son. You take the egg and you make an heir or whatever. But on the battlefield, taking the egg means taking the objective.
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Because that's the highest objective that you aspire to, is to make another son. All the sons. Everything is conquest in their eyes. As it should be. Everything is about power. Everything is about conquest. It's a thing. It's a real thing. Oh, yeah. So this is that lords on the battlefield used to just scream this as they were mounting a charge toward the enemy. Just like, take the egg!
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And then swords clang and very dramatic. Mm-hmm. I believe it. So I don't have a long explanation as to why this is the answer. You're saying these definitions aren't five minutes long like what Mark and I give you every single time? They're not. However... Bob, I'm going to give you this one because take the egg. It means to win. No. And getting the objective is like winning.
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I mean, that's pretty close. Sorry, my light is all broken too. God.
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damn it yeah i mean i wasn't expecting whenever he was like he was like tactics i was like all right well he's gonna be with mark here taking some kind of egg to the face but he's like no it's to take the objective to make an error to oh i spilled mark what are you doing man you all right i'm trying my lights falling over and it's not standing up straight because i don't know why do they have like a stand you can put them on or they just tape to the wall or
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Balancing on a lens. That's my second top pick for that sort of thing. Stand it came with? Lens.
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Might as well not be a spill. You need to clean it? No, I sopped it. It's sopped. Oh, it's sopped. Oh, heck. Okay, as long as it's sopped. Yeah, I sopped it.
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Well, Bob, we're to you first this time. While he's soppin' and suckin'. Tell me, what are whooper-ups? Whooper-ups? Whooper-ups.
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whooper ups whooper ups this one's another one that's deceptively easy this is another one that's uh i think uh english in america we just call those pull-ups but in america we also just call those diapers and in the uk they call them nappies for some reason so of course we call them pull-ups they call them whooper ups like a diaper It's like a, yeah, transitional like diaper underwear thing.
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Anyway, she has a surgery, and it should be fine. She handles anesthesia pretty well. She's otherwise healthy, aside from being 12 years old, but that's been really stressful. She should be fine, but that doesn't really mean anything when you're about to drop off your dog for a big surgery and... So in the future, you'll know if anything happened. I don't know.
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So in case a youngish kid has like an accident or whatever, they soaks it up, keeps them dry. Mm-hmm. Whopper ups.
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some whipper ups okay this is gonna sound really stupid but what is a whip it is it like the song when a problem comes along you can whip it i'm not sure exactly what they're inhaling but it's an inhalant is it like it's whipping cream can it's the stuff that's in aerosol cans right oh okay yeah is that like it's not nitrous isn't i don't know what is let's not even say what it is because no way no one's gonna do it
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Whatever gas is in aerosol, like whipping cream cans, that sort of thing, the gas will have an effect on you, but also they put stuff in it to make it taste like buttholes. And so it's really gross to do that. It's really unpleasant. Yeah.
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Yeah, I think it's like immediate brain damage type of stuff. Like, it'll make you feel funny, but also your one-to-one correlation of losing things you knew before you took your whippets. At the cost of living? Yeah. Okay, don't do that. So you think whooper-ups are like that? Yeah, it's just tragic. Drugs. Okay.
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Either I'm going to give you both a point or neither one a point because you're both wrong. But you both said things that are bad. How's mine bad? Well, it's in a good way.
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If you call someone a whooper up and it's like a diaper, that doesn't sound like a compliment, right? Whereas if you call someone a whooper up and it's like a bad drug, it's also bad. A whooper up's an inferior singer. Uh, what? Uh. It's an inferior singers or whooper ups. I've been needing a word for singers who are less good than myself. Those are whooper ups. Now you have a word.
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Is that just like a modification of whippersnappers that singers made their own somehow? Sometimes I get a description. I get anything. This time I literally got inferior singers, period. That is the extent of the explanation I've gotten for this one. So therefore, that's all the knowledge that exists in the world about whooper ups.
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Mental floss, old phrases we should bring back. They know what they're talking about. This is all the information that exists in the record. The rest of it was in Pompeii. Very sad. Very sad. Tragic. Extremely tragic. Mark, what is a rain napper? Kidnapper who uses rain as cover for his crimes. Or her crimes. Yeah. It's true. People use rain to cover up their crimes all the time. Rain napper.
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Okay. The crimes are covered up. The rain napper was prepared. That's not like a cool villain name, the rain napper. All right. Bob? This is actually a conspiracy theory. This is not what the government calls it, but this is what us normies call it because we're learning the truth slowly and surely.
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I probably won't tweet about it or anything. I don't social media anymore at all, but we'll talk about that next time. But for right now, I'm stressed. I've been trying to be chill about it, but it was really stressful and I don't like it. Feel like a bit of a dick for cutting you off on the sad earlier now.
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This is actually a type of aircraft, experimental aircraft, that it'll fly into clouds that are about to rain naturally. and it stops rain from falling so that the people who control it can control who gets water and who doesn't. So the rain napper is sort of what we like to call, I'm sure it has some official, you know, government designation, but...
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Is that the same technology that makes targets really sad people and creates just one rain cloud over them and them alone? They keep that for that exact purpose. Yeah, I think it's a different drone tech that actually sends those out. But the rain napper is how they gather the sadness clouds and then they have a different platform for distributing the sadness.
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Depressed. It's an umbrella. Rain Napper's an umbrella. No, it's not. That was close. It stops rain from hitting things that don't want to have rain on them. Or that the man doesn't want to have rain on. You know. Depends who's holding the umbrella. Or the woman. Yeah, I mean, yes. Okay. All right, well, if Mark agrees, I'll give you the point.
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What does it mean to have your flag out? Bob, you're first. It's just a fancy way to say your dick's hanging out of your pants. Okay. I concur. It's your dick. Yeah.
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At like the family barbecue or whatever. Like, hey, Jerry, your flag's out. What about being soapy-eyed, Mark? Were we right? I'll tell you in a minute. What about being soapy-eyed? Just quick, one word, two words.
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Oh, I'm going to rush you because I've got a whole line in here. Just quick fire around. I don't know if Mark's playing along with that. It's fine. He's doing his best. This is quick for him. We've seen him handle two sentences. Let's give him a minute for soapy-eyed. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
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As soon as the clock starts ticking, Mark goes from casually making jokes and stuff to being like, oh, soap eyes.
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Yeah, well, I considered not leading with that because that's not the kind of thing we usually do for small talk, but I honestly can hardly think about anything else. So I'm not trying to bring everyone down because honestly, the odds are she'll be perfectly fine and she's not going to like the surgery, but she should recover just fine and not have cancer anymore.
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You could do it, but hey, it's allowed to be eyes with soap in them. That's a valid response. So then I was trying to like, okay, break it up. Break the word up. So pee eyes. That's just pee in the eyes instead of soap. Come on, brain. Get out of there. Get out of there.
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Yeah, it's the inability to come up with an idea. All right, Bob. So soapy eyes. That is that's that look that kids get when you tell them not to do something. And clearly they're not even listening and they're just glazed over. They got the soapy eyes. All right. What about being full as a tick? That's about confidence. If you're, it's like a check mark, right? I'm so sure I'm full as a tick.
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Tick it off. Mark, full as a tick. The greatest erection of your entire life. Excellent. What if you're seeing snakes? You see the greatest erection of your entire life. All right, Bob, seeing snakes. Actually, Mark is just right on that one. Okay. What about being canned up?
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I mean, clearly that just means that you're in jail, but I'm going to go ahead and say that what that means for serious is you're on the phone because you're talking on a string with two cans on the ends of it. You're canned up. Of course, Mark, canned up. The greatest direction of your entire life. You know what? Wait a minute. Yeah. Mark, what if you're zazzled?
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The greatest direction of your entire life is straight up zazzled, man. You're on a fun thing that's happening right now. Mm-hmm. you'll see bob uh zazzled mark's actually close but that's actually the emotion that you feel when you're in the locker room with your buddy after a nice like workout or whatever and he's having the greatest erection of his entire life You're the one who gets zazzled.
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What about being owled? That's when a woman or anyone, but historically a woman, because it's always a woman in this context is looking so good. Like they're dressed up and they're looking so ridiculously good that people are literally snapping their necks to look at them. You know, an owl can like look, turn its head all the way around. Yeah. Getting owled.
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But until it's all done, you know, that means much. This is stressful. That's a pretty big thing. Yeah. I'm rooting for her. I mean, we've known Lexi for a long time. She's a great dog. Just got to see her the other day. So obviously we're all pulling for her. Yeah. You saw her three days ago or whatever, right? She's like totally healthy. Except for a little lump on her leg. Yeah.
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Sorry, bud. No, no, because it makes sense. You're just getting owled. I thought you were saying when you see a woman, you get the greatest direction of your life. Yeah, you thought, but that's Mark's bit.
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You know, when you're having great sex. Oh man, I love when that happens. Woo! What about if you're getting striped, squiffed, or squawked? I'm sorry, squawked. Swacked? Striped, squiffed, or swacked? Swacked? Swacked? Any of those three things, Mark. That's about ten things, but... You get a promotion because you get stripes, right?
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Or you get stripped of your old rank and they put a new one there. You get squawked, they say it over the radio.
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Is that what they call it when you go up in the military? Yeah, that's a promotion. Striped, squiffed, or swacked? Yeah. Swacked, sorry, swacked. Yeah. And squiffed. Yeah, they squiff it off of you. Bob, striped, squiffed, or swacked? Is there actually all... This is not the full extent of them, but this is representative of the words from comics.
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This is under the S section of comic book onomatopoeia, which... where Batman has definitely squiffed some people and swaffed it at them. Do you guys remember what Pretzelbender was? Yeah, it's the fifth element. It's the avatar. It's when you're having the most glorious erection of your entire life. It meant a peculiar person, a player of the French horn, a wrestler, or a heavy drinker.
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Oh, right, French horn. That's right. Having your flag out, being soapy-eyed, full as a tick, seeing snakes, canned up, zazzled, owled, striped, squiffed, or swacked are all ways of being drunk. Oh, Mark was close. I was close. When he kept going with the erection, I was like, man, if he just said drunk and kept repeating that for everyone, oh, the amount of points that would pour out.
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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But how many points did we get? I'll give you one each. Oh, well, that... Okay. Bob, you're up first for this one. Hotter than Dutch love and harvest. What does that mean? Hotter than Dutch love in harvest? Yep. Hotter than Dutch love in harvest.
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Well, there's nothing hotter than Dutch love and harvest, so that's just the scientific name of the highest temperature it is possible to achieve in the universe. Okay. What was it again? Hotter than Dutch love and harvest. It's just really hot outside and sweaty. That is correct. I was assuming, because you've been going pretty obvious ones, and I was like, maybe it's going to be that.
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That's what I was thinking in my head. That's so much more thoughts than the last one where you were just trying not to say soap or eyes. He's learning. I wonder if soapy-eyed means just like the general glaze of drunkenness probably, like kind of. Yeah, that makes so much sense. Yeah, it does. Still stupid, though. I'm not using that one. Yeah.
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And she was laying between us on our little dog bed. And you like, you bumped the dog bed very bravely with your elbow. And she gave you a look like, what the fuck? since she found out what cancer is, she is insufferable. Every, she's like, give me a French fry. You're like, I'm eating. She's like cancer, French fries. Damn dog. You don't even know what that means. I know it gets me French fries.
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This one's going to take some explaining from all of us, I think, together, but here we go. Mark. And the bear got him and full of moist. What? And the bear got him and full of moist. Did you accidentally delete some words out of that one or? I kept rereading it thinking maybe I did, but no. Okay, I will say this is a continuation from the last one, but go ahead.
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Full of moist. Full of moist. Yeah, I'm guessing this is related to the hotter than Dutch love and harvest. But you know, Dutch love, air got them full of moist. It all could connect. Yeah, when you say it all together, I totally understand what it is. This is having to do with temperature, obviously.
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And if it's hotter than Dutch love and harvest, but then it's cooling off because it's going into the evening time. And then the bear got them and full of moist. So it's like, yeah, it's hot during the day, but at least it cools off when the sun goes down. I have the definition. Let me read you the two definitions back to back.
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People needed a lot of ways to describe excessive heat in the days before air conditioning. One phrase was hotter than Dutch love and harvest. And the bear got him in full of moist. You might also hear the bear got him. The bear in this case was heat stroke and full of moist. No explanation on that part? Nope. That's all I got. I feel like that's lacking.
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Yeah, we don't need to bring that one back. This one's probably pretty self-explanatory. Bob hot as a half-fucked fox in a forest fire. Yeah, I mean, that's a messed up way to talk about it, I guess. But that's probably when something is so hot that it would burn your hand if you reached out and touched it.
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Because if you reached out and touched a half-fucked fox in a forest fire, it would probably burn your hand skin if you were in that situation. Your hand skin, if you're... Not that kind of thing. Everyone has hand skin. Don't give me that. Most people have hand skin. I won't generalize.
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I'm feeling hotter than a half box box in a forest fire, baby. It kind of works still. I can't even be mad at it. It kind of works. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's writing down all the points. I just got for them. Yeah, I did write down points for you Give him some time. Give him some time 13 additional points because it was so correct.
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It's just a regional term from the south or anything hot I'm noticing a theme in your clues here that they suck All right. I didn't say that. I didn't say that man. I didn't say that. Yeah mark. That's what mark was gonna say I just read his mind Mark, what does it mean to pangwangle? Wait a minute. Yeah, didn't we do that one? Wait a minute. We know this one. Yeah, what is it? Oh, God.
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Yeah, we did this one. Oh, no. Oh, no. I just watched right in the sauce box. I actually watched it. You were just telling us about how you watched that episode. Oh, but that was all the way in yesterday. Who would know that? Pangwangle? Yeah.
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pangwangle i remember my answer i don't remember what the real answer because i said it was like a dance based on a penguin's waddle but i don't know what you actually said you're paying attention to the wrong person when you watched i quit hey bob pangwangle uh i laughed at mark but i don't remember either
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to live or go along cheerfully in spite of minor misfortunes i would never ever have guessed that in a million years i don't even remember you saying that last time i don't even remember what if he just changes the meanings just to fuck with us he might have i bet he did there's i could link you the article when we're done but not right now uh what is a zib bob
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Is this one we've done before or is this new? This is new, right? The new one. A zib. I'm pretty sure a zib is a slang for a cigarette. Hey, can I bum a zib? Okay. Mark. So in the gun world, they call a blocked bullet in the barrel a squib, right?
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No, it's okay. She'll be fine. In my life. Uh, yeah why is your life better than bob's tell us nothing but sunshine and rainbows no i you got something happy for me to think about no not really i mean i guess but okay let me try to find some silver lining here uh nope nothing anyway me and my life nothing to do with any of that i i feel like i'm becoming a manager
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Right, okay. I thought you were going to say what a German guy calls it. Get your mind out of the gun world. Cause we're talking about zibs here. Yeah. Get your mind out of the gunner. That's pretty good.
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I'm not laughing at you. I'm just laughing in the same call as you. Good. It's unrelated. Uh, a Zib's, uh, it's like, instead of a bad car is called Lemon, a bad motorcycle is called a Zib. Ooh. Okay. You were sold a bad motorbike. I like both of your answers, and both of them are tangential, but a Zib is just a nincompoop. A nincompoop? What a word. A nincompoop. Hmm.
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Mark, what are bags of mystery? Not of. Bags. Oh, mystery. Oh, apostrophe. Mystery. Bags of mystery. Bags of mystery. Bags of mystery. We did. We did this one, didn't we? Did we? I don't think we did. I recall talking about bags of mystery, but maybe I'm making that up. Maybe you just know this one. In Mexico, it's called a pinata. In Ireland, it's called the bag of mystery. Hang it up in a tree.
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I guess you can whack the bag of mysteries. If you pick a different country, you might have been close. Bob, what are bags of mystery? Bags of mystery is just a term for boobs. It's a mystery. I've always wanted to have a peek at me neighbor's bags of mystery. That's creepier than I meant, but you know what I'm getting at. Someone who would call them bags of mystery was probably creepy.
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Just be real. I want our viewers and listeners to have the context that if you want to see your neighbor's bags of mystery, you want to see their sausages. Because bags of mystery are sausages. Ho ho ho ho ho ho. What does it mean to give someone the wind? It's when you specifically either position your ass in front of their face or their face in front of your ass to fart.
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And so you're literally giving them the wind when you fart. Okay. It's close, but this is screaming at someone. I like that. Giving them the peace of your mind. You're giving them the wind. Not from your south hole, from your north hole. Other hole. Different wind. It could be, I guess. To give someone the wind is to jilt a suitor. To what a suitor? What are you doing to my suitors? J-I-L-T, jilt.
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It's like to end a relationship quickly. Quick breakup. You weren't expecting it. Like, you're jilted. I think what I suggested would accomplish that. So would mine. I think screaming at them or farting on them and giving them the wind, both could. I think screaming, more jilting, you know. Very jilting. Some people scream and stay in love forever. Sometimes you just got screamy love.
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Some people fart lovingly in their loved one's directions. See, that one feels less generalizable to me. Some people probably do. You're not screaming, I love you. You're screaming, oh, you. Well, people have passions. Some people are passionate. Sometimes you scream and then you make up. I don't know. I think I've got an easy one for you guys. Oh, that's promising.
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Mark, you're up first for this one. What does it mean to give a body the flesh creep? Give a body the flesh creep.
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Yeah, now you know what? It is easy. I remember this one now. It is easy. I know this one!
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Bob. This is actually just the premise for a movie. Have you guys ever seen Weekend at Bernie's? No, I haven't, but I know of it. Where they rig up the dead body to move around and do stuff. That's giving a body the flesh creep. It's when you rig up a dead body to still pretend like it's alive and to do stuff.
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um mark i gotta give it to you to give a body the flesh creep is to give someone the shivers more so used for like cold but it's still like that goose bumpy shiver feeling like it's described as the shivers and you said the shivers i'm gonna give it to you that is pretty close But to give a body the flesh creep, a.k.a. the shivers, can be used when it's cold outside.
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Do you have a strong urge to wear khakis and polos? I mean, I'm starting to, man. I'm starting to. Do you answer to like a regional manager and you have a bunch of people that are like, hey, go restock the shelves? I mean, kind of.
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Or, I mean, when you said styrofoam, you know how much I love it. So, yeah, I gotta give you that one. Oh, I have some styrofoam. Oh, you don't have to do that. Does that go through the microphone? You would lose points if you tried. Wouldn't you like to know? No, I wouldn't. Um, Bob, you're up first over here, man. Let's pay attention to this. These statements. Are you hearing that?
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I'm going to give you three, you know, because you're my friend and you get three of them. Oh, colder than the hinges of hell, colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon, and so cold that the milk cows gave icicles. I'm going to say that those are all phrases to describe when it's really cold. Wow. Mark, what do you think? Can I say his? Can I say this?
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You could agree, or you could say exactly what he said if you can repeat it. I agree. Okay. Yeah, that's right. You guys are... Mark agreed, so I get extra points, right?
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No! No, because I thought that too! I even knew that! My dad milked cows once, he said that thing. And he's dead. So, you know, I'll never get that again. So close. So close. Damn it. More lip quivering, it would have been there. We're so close to something. Whose turn is it to go first here? I think it's Mark's turn? Yes. Mark, what does it mean to have one's shirt out?
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To be working so hard, you're sweating a storm, you need to take off some clothes. Okay, Bob, what does it mean to have one's shirt out? That is a thing that you would say to someone if they packed their suitcase really poorly and articles of clothing or other things were like hanging out of the, like comically, like they closed it and stuff was hanging out of the suitcase. Hey, your shirt's out.
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Okay. It means to be angry. Your shirt's out because you're angry, like you're ready to fight, I think. I don't know about that one. That sounds stupid. Yeah. No, I don't think it's right. I'd rather have Marx than that one. It's a 19th century Australian thing. Australians said it, you know. Arnar. Did you say Marx should get the points for that one? He did say that. He did.
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I'd say I'd rather Marx was the truth than that one. I mean, I was thinking about giving it to him there because, I mean, he said to get hot and sweaty, which is part of like the anger thing, but it's not. It's tangential, but not like. That's true, I guess. But you agree, Bob? All right. Okay. You said that's true, I guess. Well, that's true, I guess. Oh, this is weird.
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I don't know when my life turned into the way that it's starting to go down because I love being in the creative seat of everything. I like doing that. But when you're working on a movie or anything, the director, there's a lot of other roles to fill. And I was like, that's always been a temporary thing. You join a crew for that.
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I guess they don't... There's two of them here together. I'm going to give you. Off his kadoova and off his chump. Those aren't words. Apparently, 19th century Australians used the have one shirt out, but they also used these. Guys, what are we doing with words, Australia? Off his kadoova, K-A-D-O-O-V-A, and off his chump. Trying to imagine Bluey's dad saying, office chump. Nah, I could see that.
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Office Kadoova. I'm Australian. Oi, roi, I'm Australian. Off my Kadoova. Definitely, Kadoova and Chump are both Australian beers. And that's when someone's real grumpy because he wants a drink, but he's trying to cut back on beer drinking. Like, ah, don't worry about him. He's off his Chump.
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Oh, yeah. Eruption in the streets and an eruption in the sheet. When you're done, you hop off his kadoova. It's like an erection. I know, actually, you could also use that at work. Like if your boss is giving you a hard time, be like, hey, get off my Kadoova. Guy's been riding my chump. Bob, I think I got to give you this one.
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It wasn't exactly right, but it's someone who's acting a little bonkers. And if someone is off of their whatever. I got that gorilla grip Kadoova. It's actually rebranded in Australia as Koala Grip, but same idea. We're stopping there. We've done it. That's it. I've got so many more. We'll come back again one day, but I thought it was pretty good. I'm going to tally up the points.
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Bob, I'm going to read your points first. That's probably a good sign. You got points for we're rooting for Lexi, because we are. Take the Egg, Rain Napper, Drunk, Cold, Kadoova, and Hot Fox. What? Hotter than a fox in the whatever. You got points for that one. Oh, okay. Right, right. Mark, you got points for Not That I Don't Mind. You're double negative there. That's capitalism, baby.
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But now that I have more direct hands-on work with my team of editors and Cloak and the workshop that I'm trying to build with all the printers, it's a lot of just...
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You also got points for drunk. Hot. Cold. Erection. Gives a body the flesh creep. I think I wrote shirt butt. Shirt butt? Shirt out. That's an O. That's a lot of things. Yeah, but you got extra points for Lexi. Oh, all right. Mark, you got a total of eight points. Bob, you also got a total of eight points. This is pre-wheel. We're currently sitting in a tie. How many wheels are we doing?
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Can you do that right before the wheel goes? Just start stripping as like a last ditch effort? Like, I gotta win this. Because I feel like right now I'm actually the one who's wearing the least. But between you two, I don't know. Because Bob's got an undershirt, but you've got a jacket. I'm wearing shorts. I'm wearing socks. I could take off everything below the waist. Do you have socks on, Mark?
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No socks, no socks. You guys might, you might be ahead then by the socks. All right, cool. All right, well, there's 14 options, so it's not, listen. Oh, I forgot to read my points. I got points for Slay, S-L-A, because I said I didn't, I deserved points last episode for him and didn't get them, so I gave myself a point. And I got a point for Ella Goop. Sure, sure, sure.
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All right, are we ready for our one spin? Yeah, I'm ready. Come on, tallest. Oh, no. Most locked in. I don't think I was very locked in this episode, I'm pretty sure. It's kind of a competition between us to see who was least locked in, because I feel like I was also in and out a little bit.
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managing and not that i don't mind doing that it's just like suddenly i i feel like it's like just as you grow older you just feel like you're shoved into this kind of like role and there's really it's it's like all the things that i want to do are happening but it's like i suddenly need to do all i have to be a responsible adult i have to kind of coordinate i have to plan i hate planning
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I would fight for this if I felt like I was really strongly in it, like I felt like I was just banging out the answers. But I feel like the editors might have had to cut out...
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quite a lot of me waffling to get to this point in the episode so i gave five points toward bob for things that were kind of i considered locked in and four to you we have a couple of your points for funny things um you went with erection for a very long time instead of coming up with the different ideas i was pretty locked into the erection that's true even though if you'd gone with drunk it would have been actually correct you got with drunk this would have been a walk away wouldn't even have been close yeah true yeah hey let's not overthink it i'll take the point
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Bob's got Take the Egg, Napper, Hot and Cold, Drunk, and Kadoova. Bob, you got it by the Kadoova. Ooh. The Kadoova puts you over the edge. That's the way I like it. That's fair. That ends with Bob at nine and being our winner. Winner speech. All right. Can I just say, I like the wheels at the end. I get excited.
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I know they're not always going to be the most interesting thing, but when shit goes crazy with the wheels, shit really goes crazy. And I'm here for it. Whoever invented that, and I think it might have been Mark, possibly the best idea in the show's history. Just got it. Just can't praise it enough. Excellent work, everybody. Also, it helped me win today, so.
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Until next week when it's like, worst stat invention ever. Horrible. Destroy it. If the wheel is always on my side, I can't get mad at it. Now can I? I mean, it cost you last week with me, technically. Bring stuff up. Remember who's hosting next time. That's true, but you'll forget it by then. I will. Mark, loser speech.
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So sorry. So sorry. All right. I don't know. Your rhyming scheme really started off strong. And then just like, just like me with most of my content started off strong, terrible finish, but mid middle. And that, you know, has, has people usually tune out by then. So they only see the best stuff at the front. I front load everything. Very few people even got to this end of the episode.
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So as for all they know, I crushed it and I will crush it in the next episode. You heard it here first, all downhill from hello, everybody. It sure is. Always was, always will be. But next episode, I've earned myself a right to compete again. Didn't get banished from the show, so I think I'll count that as a win. What a silver lining to find. A lot of rhymes in there, man.
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If I could give you bonus points that don't count, I will. Wow. Thanks, man. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you guys for watching. If you haven't followed the podcast, do that. If you're not watching the podcast and you're not driving, do that. We're flying or boating or, you know, biking, whatever. If you haven't already, check out these guys.
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Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MySkirm, me at Minion77, or LordMinion777. Merch, maybe, soon, possibly, should be, could be, would be. It's coming. It's coming. Stay tuned. Until then, podcast out.
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I hate scheduling. I hate it. And yet I had a big, I scheduled a meeting yesterday to have a meeting about scheduling. Whoa, you scheduled a scheduling meeting? I did that. That's not me. Who am I? No, that's not good at all. You also had the very creative double negative. You said like, not that I don't mind managing. I'm trying. I mean exactly what I say. I want everyone to know.
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In the nicest way possible, it does not sound like a thing that you're particularly suited for, my dude. No, it's not. It really isn't. But I'm getting better, and that's concerning to me. Right? It is. Well, to be fair, there was a lot of room there for that. Oh, come on, man. No, I was closed off to it. Please. Mark, take points away. Take some points away for that. Yeah, try it. Try it. Try it.
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What the fuck is true laugh? Yeah, your real laugh. What the hell? True laugh came out again. Damn it, I gotta hide that better. Anyway, yeah, so I'm doing a lot of that. But it is cool because when you are in this place where you are coordinating a team effort and you're doing it, I think, okay, hopefully, God, I hope they don't hate me. I hope I'm really not Michael Scott-ing it in there.
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Dude, that feeling never goes away. In any situation where you're in charge of anyone for any reason, man, is that always in the back of your mind. Or maybe not for people who like being managers, but any time I've ever had to be, like, any slightly managing anyone, I'm always like, God, but they fucking hate me. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, it needs to happen, but oh.
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but you better do your job through a team effort like jason's been helping build this workshop and then john my buddy john came over um just the past couple days also helping and it's amazing like what kind of just three nerd brains can get together and kind of figure out because we as soon as we were all in the same room we just started talking tools and i don't care if that's a sign of getting older it was awesome we were just talking about random
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tools workshop stuff 3d printers we're talking about lighting kits like how to make whatever we wanted to make and then because john's much more experienced in 3d printing than i am and kind of like fabricating in general and so it's like that got me talking about sla printers as something resin printing was never something that i really thought about but i was like if we have more people here to help maintain these machines and get the the filtration because it has a lot of fumes coming out of there
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Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm today's host. Why? Because the wheel favors me. And really, that's pretty much it. Joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey boys, how y'all doing? Hi. Hello. I'm good. Great. Did you want more? Did you? Nope. I wanted one word answers only.
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I don't know. You know, it sucks that I'm doing less of the actual creative, but also it opens up doors to creative that I would not ordinarily be able to do just by myself. You know what I mean? I need more people to talk tools with. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I'm slowly accumulating those poser miniature toolboxes back here. And I'm in... I can't... God, tools, man.
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Wade! What a tool! It's out of the box and everything. Wow. Bob and I held these up last time together. What an incredible tool. I got one of those somewhere over here. Someone was really upset when I said, or had a problem with me saying that CNC was becoming more accessible. And they were like, well, this is crazy. Like the only thing not accessible about it is the price.
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And I'm like, what did you think I meant? What do you think I meant by that? The prices are coming down. They're more accessible. This is not a podcast for poor people. If you can't afford a CNC machine, why are you watching this podcast?
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didn't you read the the fine print before clicking watch but it's crazy because all this is becoming more accessible even 3d printing is becoming more accessible now i'm not sponsored by them and i don't even know how good this is or how bad it is or unreliable but a company called elegoo you guys know about elegoo obviously yeah i didn't know i didn't know about elegoo until i saw this insert something with gwyneth paltrow and elegoop joke that's funny
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Blow up the other two. Back to one. Elu made this 3D printer that's a lot like the Bamboo Lab that I have, which costs like $1,200 for $300.
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And it's just, it's probably not as... get able to get the temperatures like as precisely controlled. I bet there's some shortcomings there. It's cheaper. It's 300 bucks though versus 1200. That's 25% the price. You could buy four of those for one of the bamboo labs. Yeah. If you couldn't afford one for 1200, you can definitely afford four for 1200. Yes, exactly.
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Why buy one when you can buy four? Also Prusa. That's basically a business. It is. It is. Deeper than a PC nowadays. Prusa, which is a company that's like very famous for kind of like helping build the 3D printing landscape. They made Prusa Slicer, which is like, I think the backbones of a lot of slicers for other 3D printers.
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And it's like they are also coming out with one that is competing with the Bamboo Lab in terms of price called the Core something something. Prusa. Hey. Elegoo, you can sit aside. Prusa. We play favorites here. Yeah, I'll play favorites to whoever gives me stuff. Give. We're desperate. Would you like a 3D printer? Wade, what would you print? Oh.
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When I forget my slippers upstairs, maybe I'd print a pair to go back up. Wade, I honestly think given the state of technology, even you could successfully 3D print something. If you got a 3D printer that you didn't need to set up. Oh, I could. Listen. You can use AI to generate 3D imagery now. I could. I'm smart enough to do it.
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You didn't say anything about small talk or anything, but... And one word, how are you? Sad is kind of a downer, but I'm gonna go with sad. Actually. Sad and good. All right, excellent.
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And then there are tools that will scan a 3D image into a file that is printable. You can literally just say something like, make me a statue of me. And as long as it knows who you are, it could generate a file that you could put on your printer that you could print without having to learn almost anything, which I know is your favorite. I could do it.
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Listen, y'all, I play the fool very well, but I am a smart guy. I just don't want. I don't want much. What would I print that I would actually want? That's my problem. I just don't. want things. It is true, right? Like a 3D printing thing is kind of cool for like replacement parts making organizers. That's probably what most people would make.
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You make tool organizers, you make shelving organizers, you make Dude, gridfinity. Oh, God, would I print the shit out of some gridfinity if I had a bigger volume printer? But for me, what I'm building the workshop for is I want to be able to make any kind of prop, any kind of set decoration that we would ever need to make in my own workshop. That makes sense.
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There's a lot of things in various movies. Anything that you're making, you need to have set decoration, you need to have props, and you can make some really intricate things with 3D printing quickly and cheaply, and you can iterate and make multiple versions of it. I'm not looking for things to sell, but...
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But honestly, if someone wanted to, they can open an Etsy shop or on eBay or probably even Amazon, I bet. And you can sell your own things if you have the right designs and you make things that are useful to other people. Like everyone can print, but if you just think about what there's a need for, that's capitalism, baby. Everyone can make money. But it's not about that sometimes.
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Well, if you've never been here before, this is a show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and I don't give them enough time to talk or explain much about what's going on until right now when I say, hey, small talk. Would you like to elaborate on any of the things you've said? Sure. Well, it's confusing because of how time works, right? But right now, we're in the future.
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Which is really the point. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, of course. Well, we don't say that out loud. Well, that's the whole point. That's the only point. But anyway, SLA, hey, whoever wants to give me a bunch of really cool SLA printers, I will sell my soul for it. I will shill out. I'll shill. I'll shill. I don't shill often, but I'll shill. I'll shill for it. I'll shill all over you. Shill hard.
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It has been a theme since... When did we start this podcast? No one's given me anything. Please. They will. This time they're watching Ponderosa, or whatever you said, they're watching. It's going to work eventually. Ponderosa? No, it's a restaurant. Prusa? Prusa. Yeah, yeah. Ponderosa. Prusa, yeah. Anyway, it's probably because I don't check my business email.
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No one knows how to get to me, so I'm sure that's it. Anyway, yeah, that's me. We've gone through the small talk, we've made our pleas for items, I guess by the time this comes out it won't really make much of a difference probably anymore, but obviously we all want what's best for Lexi, so let's keep Lexi in our minds.
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But for now, I'm going to try to give us all a different kind of distraction, because I'm hosting an episode, and I do have a topic for today. Last time I hosted, if you all remember, we did an episode called Bring Em Back, where we went through some old phrases and- Is that what it was called? That's what I had it called in my notes. Wasn't it called Right in the Sauce Box?
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Maybe it was called Right in the Sauce Box in actuality, but it's Bring Him Back in my heart. Ah, I see. Right in the Sauce Box is pretty good, though. Pretty good. But for today, I'm going to do something a little bit the same. We're going to do Bring Him Back 2. Yippee! Or Back Out of the Sauce Box. Editors, make three of me. No, actually, just reuse the same assets. Don't cut out new stuff.
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I don't want you to work at that, but... Yep. I don't know what they're asking of you, but you can just leave me alone. Editors, don't touch me! No! No! Only put all of our cutouts in Wade's camera. Get him out of here! This is my personal space! I'm so sorry, editors. I know you're trying to get ahead on these episodes. Taking these off. I don't want to listen to you all anymore.
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This is much better. I have a lot more specific requests for you, editors, so pay attention during today's episode. Enough of your editor needs. It's time for my weighty lead or something. I don't know. Yeah, go on. Go on. So I had a long list of things here. We didn't get to as many as I would have liked. So we're going back in and we're going to start off with a doozy here.
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I think you guys could figure this one out. Bob, I'm going to let you go first. Oh, okay. For no particular reason, but you're going to go first. Sure. Tell me, Bob, what is a giggle mug? That's a giggle mug. That's a measurement of liquid volume. That's what that is.
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That's the last episode's thing. Whomsoever is listening or watching this, you're in the future. But right now, it's two days before Lexi has surgery. Lexi is my dog for anyone who doesn't know. And she has a cancerous tumor on her little leg. Honestly, it's been all good news that we took her in for a routine checkup and they were like, well, she's got a little mass on her leg.
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Derives from the amount by volume of absinthe one needs to drink, you know, in one glass before you start giggling because you're having funny little, you know, hallucinations, psychosomatic effects from the drink or whatever. So Okay. So a method, a measurement of like drunkenness or highness.
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No, it's, it's like a, you know, there's like a high ball and there's like a rocks glass and it's lesser known, but the giggle mug is of that origin. Okay. Mark, now, assuming Bob isn't correct, which he could be. I am. What do you think a giggle mug is?
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, Mark was late to the recording today because he was working on this. I think I'm understanding why Iron Lung's taking a while. Damn. Look, guys, I'm not going to lie.
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Mark Prepared For This
It's found in the feet, right? Because that's why people hit the gas really hard. They have a lead foot.
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Mark Prepared For This
Not the one that we're using for our connection. I don't think that's Fiber One. I think that's just regular. You know what? Was that quoting a commercial?
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Mark Prepared For This
Except lead. If you line it with lead, it resists the corrosion.
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Mark Prepared For This
Well, it is called asbestos, not as worstest, so maybe we should. When did we find out that lead was bad for us? Because I imagine that all of this stuff was done before we knew that lead was terrible. Because there was, like, lead-based paint.
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Merrily. Real happy while she did it. I'm sick. Don't worry. Mary Curie. My favorite holiday. Marie Curie. My favorite planet. Marie Curie. Venus.
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Mark Prepared For This
Well, they look like little condoms for like little stubby dicks. They've even got the little tip to hold the semen. What? I just searched comb jellies in one of the images.
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Mark Prepared For This
And I spelled jelly F-R-T. You know, you use two knives to scoop it out. Jelly.
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Mark Prepared For This
Do you think there's an anus museum where you just walk around and you see a whole bunch of different images of animals taking shits, and you can compare their anuses, like... Oh, interesting, interesting. That sphincter has six distinct ridges.
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Mark Prepared For This
No, no, no. Comb jellies live up to three years. My anus is older than that. That's weird to think about. Our anuses are older than any living comb jelly is known to me.
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Mark Prepared For This
I don't know if I want to make the claim that I feel like a lot of buttholes look the same. If someone's like, wait, that's got to be Wade's butthole.
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Mark Prepared For This
I don't want to think about it. They have those little like ridges and lines.
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Mark Prepared For This
I don't know. Imagine like the security where it's like instead of putting your hand against it, you have to put your butthole up against the wall. Little thing that juts out. It's like, ah, welcome, Wade.
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Mark Prepared For This
God damn it. I was trying to give an interesting fact, and it just led me to full fucking circle. I was like, I literally put in my search and it will never be out of my history. Animals with the most intricate anus. And number one is the fucking comb jelly. To stardom.
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Mark Prepared For This
But they describe it as the warty comb jelly. the hum the warty comb jelly has an anus that appears and disappears making an animal with an intricate anus is it like you know you played peekaboo and it's just like the scientist like where'd it go it's got one where'd it go soldier future soldier camouflage is based on the comb jelly's anus Man, how innovative is this anus?
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Mark Prepared For This
Uh, the giant California sea cucumber also has an intricate anus. It can breathe and eat through it. That's not that weird. Lots of things do that. The bombardier beetle can shoot a boiling mix of chemicals out of its anus. The marine worm remycelus multicudata has a body divided into a dozen branches, each ending in a butt. So it's got many butts? It's got a multi-butt? I guess so, yeah.
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Mark Prepared For This
If you have a butthole, do you automatically have butt cheeks? I don't think so.
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Mark Prepared For This
Every interesting butthole article I can find all goes back to the jelly. I don't like that sentence. The comb jelly, the comb jelly.
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Mark Prepared For This
it was so great i forgot oh i loved it so much did amy hit him with the casual thumbs down as you drove past him again no i didn't do that that would have been great but oh man you gotta give him the gladiator where you give him this one at first like oh oh it was so great i love that moment i'm too afraid to taunt drivers in ohio they buy real bullets here
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Mark Prepared For This
California have all those avocado bullets and those, like, gluten-free bullets. Here, it's all pure grease and man. And man? Bullets made of man.
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Mark Prepared For This
He's right, you know, it is. I believe anything you all say. Anyway, all right, help.
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Mark Prepared For This
God, I love yes anding. Seven. Ooh, no but. You know what does have but? A warty comb jello fish. You all right? Jello fish.
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Mark Prepared For This
I have a fun fact for you. Rats, one pair of rats can produce 15,000 descendants a year. Damn.
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Mark Prepared For This
That's a lot of sex. Unless they have 5,000 babies per sex, but it's only three sex. I don't think so.
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Mark Prepared For This
I think it's simulated poop. Cool, cool. They get a bunch of jellyfish. Go on. They put them in a toilet. The jellyfish poop. And that's it. I don't want to watch. I would not watch. I've seen enough plumbing in my life. I don't need to see more.
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Mark Prepared For This
Scard, missing fur patches. Slightly glows in the dark. Anyone else? No. What? I don't know why that was so aggressive. It just came out that way.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm a good person. That gives Bob seven. I choose to give all my antagonizing points to me. I'm too selfish.
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Mark Prepared For This
Oh, it's the thing Mark's wanted to happen for a year now. What?
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Mark Prepared For This
Good thing we're ready for that, because we have to record another one right now.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm just watching Bob die every time he takes a sip of his drink.
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Mark Prepared For This
guys i've been reading oh i already told you that guys i've been playing video games and you'll never know it already been over that guys it finally warmed up in cincinnati and that's been really nice though i think it's gone again it's cold again today but we had like a day where it was almost 60 degrees it was almost 70 yesterday whoa
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Mark Prepared For This
like 67 degrees outside it was amazing and despite that we still have a giant block of snow from where it was like shovel plowed like one big pile it's gone everywhere for this one stupid pile it's just still there that funny how that works
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Mark Prepared For This
yeah it's also sad and tragic it's just snow man why is it tragic no because i'm so tired of so this is the most devastating thing you saw i'm so tired of snow ma'am i'm used to cincinnati we get like a dusting it lasts two days goes away i'm like you know that's good for me this like three weeks of snow has been awful and now that it's all melted there was like there was a square patch that we
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shoveled of grass so the dog's in a place to go use the restroom now that the snow's melted it is green everywhere except this one patch looks like the fucking bone lands or whatever they're called in the lion king we're just like dead and brown and sad it's like man i guess dog urine and shit really isn't as good for the yard as i thought it was like oh they're watering the plants how nice of them it looks terrible it's the p you know p has ammonia in it plants don't like that
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Mark Prepared For This
The poop is good. You can tell the one square that they've been using because man, oh man, is the grass just not good there. Lot of piss.
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Mark Prepared For This
uh no it's probably like a good 12 by 4 section of grass 12 by 4 what feet put that in meters no but i will tell you this i went out there a couple times and i cleaned up the dog poop in that section so that way it wasn't just all a slab of shit there are muscles apparently that you use whenever you crouch and walk around in a crouched position that i told that story he said though yeah
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Mark Prepared For This
Don't say ice. You're on thin sunshine. I don't know. I mean, we've not been going out a whole lot because it's been shitty weather.
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Mark Prepared For This
No. I've been reading and playing games, doing stupid house. I mean, you want to hear about tax documents? It's that season. Nothing exciting and fun.
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Mark Prepared For This
No, I used one on a steak last week, though. What was it made out of? Well, it was in this wood block with a bunch of other handles, and I pulled one out, and I was like, yep, that's a knife, and I cut the steak, washed the knife, that was it.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm confused. You got a knife sharpener. You're using it on your sniper knife or your D2 knife. I scraped it once across there and I was like, it's probably already sharp. I don't need to ruin it with my... You broke the thing open, found the instructions. Uh-huh, yeah. And then you used the sharpener on other knives and those knives got sharper. I'm deducting a point for...
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Mark Prepared For This
One. It was a shitty little whittling knife whenever I was whittling some, uh... Okay, what's that wood called? It's got like a pink core. Smells funny.
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Mark Prepared For This
Oh, man, I was a kid when I did it, so I don't remember. It was like a piece of wood that my grandpa gave me to whittle away at. And I was like, oh, that's cool. And I literally just did not do anything other than whittle it down to like the core. But like the end of it, it was like a piece of wood about it was not that thick.
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Mark Prepared For This
But the very middle of it was kind of like a purpley color and it had like a fun scent to it.
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Mark Prepared For This
But the knife needed sharpened at one point. So I got a sharpener and I sharpened the knife. I could continue to sharpen the wood.
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Mark Prepared For This
They sell guidebooks at even gas stations or convenience stores. Nah, I got this. I got the scroll. What do you mean? I don't need that. Yeah, you got the scroll, but you open it up and it's like all pictures. And it makes your tool last longer. It's called like a dick hardener or something. I think they call it Playboy.
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Slice of Life
and molly's got a brand new car you know what that's closer i'd count that more than i'd count molly's new car being your car for sure she drove it home we went out last night did like a night drive it was really nice and uh just kind of fiddled with it you got to sit in it once that was cool i literally have only been in it once so far yeah because uh i had to drive her old car home from when we bought it what was that like for you same as it's been the last 13 years of owning it
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Slice of Life
Because we've had that car since 2013. That was like her college graduation present from her parents. Like that's been her car since then. So I've driven it many times. So driving it home, I was just like. And it is 2026. So 13 beautiful years. But hey, our car shopping is done.
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Slice of Life
However, I've been tempted to like get a temporary car just to hold over till the BMWs that you guys will all leave me alone. I was like, what if I just go and buy like a Mustang for two months? Just get a lease. What do you mean buy for two months? Aren't leases like always six months or a year or something?
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Slice of Life
We've tried, but success. I've given my money to two different companies now.
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Slice of Life
All right, that's all the small talk. No more questions. Great small talk, everyone. Small talk points all around, especially to, I guess, Molly.
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Slice of Life
Molly has. It's funny how that's doable, and somehow you haven't. We've been trying to get that stupid TX for over a year, so I... Have you ever considered a truck? We're moving on immediately to this episode. This episode, we're going to do a little bit of a slice of life. It's going to be pretty easy. I'm just going to go through some years, dates, whatever.
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Slice of Life
And I just want you guys to tell me what was important, what life was like then, and maybe some bonus points if you get the reason I have it marked. This one's an easy one. I'm not going to even have you guys do it. I'm just going to give it to everyone for free. 1989, the Distracted Babies were born. Beautiful. That's where our adventure begins. Is that us? We were in 1989, yeah.
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Slice of Life
I remember we got together and had that distractible photo shoot as babies wearing our merch back when we had it. Ah, like it was yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. I'm going to assume we don't remember much of our, like, infant years, so I'm going to fast forward a little bit.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah, give us a 1989 theme. I forget, what do you say we're doing? Just a little slice of life. You're gonna describe life as you remember it from the date and year I'm gonna go through. I'm about to give you your first one. Mark your heads, bob your tails. I'm gonna flip to see who goes first here. Mark goes first for this one. So we'll just rotate. I don't know what I'm doing.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I'll give you some guidance. Best you can remember, Mark. December 10th, 1993. Life in general. There is something that happened that day. And if you get bonus points, if you remember it, but just describe what you remember from late 1993, if anything. What was what? Four year old, four and a half year old Mark. What was life like then? Okay.
Distractible
Slice of Life
i know exactly what happened i know i know what you wrote down i'm reading your mind right now okay i assume we're not supposed to google these things the most important part about this is just to describe life as it was for you then and then i'll tell you the important event if you guys don't guess it i was alive i breathed a lot drinking water and milk much milk uh
Distractible
Slice of Life
Oddly enough, I ate a lot of sausage biscuits as a kid too. It was from McDonald's. And then my dad also always had, I don't know what brand they were, but he always had like these big sleeves of like sausage biscuits that we would make in the microwave. Yeah. Those were the ones. I don't know that one.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I didn't need glasses till fourth grade. I went till fourth grade before I got mine.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Oh, he can't read. I remember really confusing them on the hearing test because I didn't raise my hand once. And they're like, did you not hear anything? I was like, there was this really like high pitched annoying noise every now and then. But like, I didn't hear the beeps you were talking about. They're like, no, those were the beeps. I remember that embarrassed me a lot.
Distractible
Slice of Life
So then I had to do it over again. And then I heard every beep. All right. Well, December 10th, 1993 marked a major point in gaming history because Doom was Launched on December 10th of 1993.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I didn't know it launched that early I guess it makes sense But to me like I feel like because I was a little bit older when I first played it it launched when I was older But I know why that is you would you like to know why why it launched then or why I feel that way Why you feel that way so doom originally came out and it was a DOS game, right?
Distractible
Slice of Life
Did you still have to launch your computer in DOS mode to play it back then?
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, you used to learn this kind of stuff in schools back before we got rid of them. You guys remember schools? That'll be on the test later.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I thought the way about monkey bars. I watched a kid break his arm in the monkey bars and I was like, I'm never touching those ever. Was it me? I don't remember. Probably. This would have been at Seipelt. Did you go to Seipelt? Is that a place? Yeah, it was called Pleasant Hill, but then they renamed it after the principal who retired who'd been there for like 30, 40 years.
Distractible
Slice of Life
It was called like Charles L. Seipeld Elementary. It's gone now. I think it's completely gone now, but I believe that's where I saw it happen.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Alright, fair enough. Well, this was like during recess, so every kid was outside and kind of got to witness. I'm sure that that's what you have written down on your piece of paper. Well, we'll find out after Mark tells me about June 26, 1997. Hooray. Huh? No wonder you left Ohio, man. It was always gray over your house. Gray, there might have been snow.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Someone told me to look at the sun. I didn't look at the sky. The rest of my, I still don't look if they're like, I'm like, I don't want to lose my sight. He got six seconds at the sun stare.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Him and all the secret service going to like your elementary school so you guys could hang out and play some kickball or something.
Distractible
Slice of Life
That's why all mark can see is Greg's it was just Bill Clinton's hair every time he looked up So June 26 1997 this will be a fun one for everyone out there watching because most of you are gonna hate this But for us at the time it was important and it was a big deal At least I think for most of us the first Harry Potter book came out which I
Distractible
Slice of Life
I didn't care about it all, except for the next year, my fifth grade teacher read it to us in class and it was like, one, we didn't have to learn. We didn't have to take tests. We weren't getting homework. And we were hearing this like cool story about like a wizard kid. So it was like really enjoyable at the time. And that's what got me into the books and movies and such.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And obviously now we know more about the author than we did back then. But that came out in 97. Yeah. June 26, 1997. I don't know when it became like more popular. Right. Because like she wasn't immediately like, oh, I don't. She was basically an overnight success with those books. But like it still probably took a little bit for them to gain traction. But yeah.
Distractible
Slice of Life
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a en in
Distractible
Slice of Life
Actually, you're unlocking a memory. I think maybe we did, because I remember someone doing that. We went to the same school, so I'd assume, yeah. But that wasn't very commonplace, because most people just had, like, the normal chalk or the marker, but I do remember that particular event happening, the taps. Anyway, sorry, Mark. It was your turn. The TV was rolling in.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I remember the teacher, like someone coming in and talking to our teacher and then like the TV rolled in. And then back then we watched, I think it was called like Channel One News. Like even before this event, even before 9-11, we had like Channel One News every day at like homeroom or whatever. We'd watch Channel One News, which is like news designed for kids or whatever.
Distractible
Slice of Life
On this particular day, we went and we watched it. Like we saw the stuff going on on TV. Then like it got turned off because it was a bit too much, I think for us. So the teachers kind of had it on and they were just like watching in disbelief. We went to homeroom and then they had like
Distractible
Slice of Life
some of they already had like their version of it playing so it was kind of dumbed down for kids to see where it was a little bit less brutal but i feel like when the second tower was hit we were watching either we were home at that point or we were watching on the tv when that happened i was home I remember. So you might have been home. I don't know.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Prior to 9-11, I remember going to the neighbor's yard. We'd play in the neighbor's yard. We'd run around down the street. We'd kind of do whatever. Front doors could be left unlocked. There was not really a lot of concern about the world. And I feel like that day...
Distractible
Slice of Life
everything as far as like how we felt about being safe anywhere changed there was just like I don't know what if you call it innocence or just being naive whatever it was that was completely different and everything felt scarier after that because it was just like
Distractible
Slice of Life
plane no one ever thought anything about a plane other than just like planes get you from point a to point b but like those being used and everything that happened watching it just living it the panic not knowing what was going to happen like were we under attack was an invasion coming there was just so much uncertainty and fear it was just such a different feeling for us compared to anything we've experienced before like you said seeing teachers drop their facades and just being like
Distractible
Slice of Life
scared people was one of the most unnerving things as a kid because you never saw a teacher kind of like publicly lose that facade or whatever you want to call it wild times
Distractible
Slice of Life
What a callback to... Wow, what a memory. I forgot about that entirely. I forgot about that entirely. You forgot about mission accomplished. I did until you just mentioned it.
Distractible
Slice of Life
what a memory but still not right that was november 22nd 2002 that was like six seven months prior might have still been in some theaters at that point it was a good movie everybody loved that movie if i recall i did on june 26th 2003 the nba began the era of lebron james what's that is that baseball Someone out there might appreciate it that maybe does sports or watches sports podcasts.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I picked some obscure dates on purpose for this. Actually, I do want to do one more because I think... No, who did this one first? Mark did this one first, right? Yes. I think Mark starts. I want to do one more to make sure you guys both get to start one evenly. Do you guys remember Life in 2003? Was it any different? About the same?
Distractible
Slice of Life
early ninth grade I started dating a girl in high school that I was I was in a relationship for four years but we started dating in 2003 that's like the one big memory I have of 2003 was that relationship because there was like a lot of build up to it because I was a coward and couldn't just ask people out guys remember oh what were those called go-go's do you remember those little plastic guys they were like little little plastic figures and they were like collectible
Distractible
Slice of Life
Even looking at them, I have no recollection of that. This is one I think you both will know. Bob, what happened November 23rd, 2004?
Distractible
Slice of Life
That was seven years prior. That was 1997, apparently, where Barney was torn apart on 51st Street. Oh, that's so close. So close. I almost got it. I mean, compared to where we're at now, 97 to 2004 are kind of close.
Distractible
Slice of Life
That was November 22nd, 2005. That was a year later. Okay, it was fall of the next year. Okay. Do you remember life in 2004? What was life like for you in 2004?
Distractible
Slice of Life
Your lives were forever changed after the launch of this game, as well as your college roommate. Yeah, I know, right?
Distractible
Slice of Life
that was the day that wow launched i thought it was earlier than that 2004 i thought it was somebody i thought wow was closer like diablo 2's launch no that game's been around for too long yeah but diablo 2 came out like 99 i thought wow was like right around that same time period i didn't realize diablo 2 was so much older than wow which i guess maybe five years isn't so much older but in my brain it is because we were in very different places in 1999 versus 2004
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, we got exactly halfway through the list of items I had. So this is definitely going to have to be like a future one that I pick up. But looking at the time, I've gone a little bit over. Whoops. I don't remember what order of operations are here. I think I read off things, then we add something to the wheel, then we spend. Is that right? It's whatever you want, man. You're the host, man.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah, listen. I think for the wheel, this might favor Mark in this particular episode, but for the wheel, most callbacks, there was a lot of gray today. It lived rent-free in my head that I was going to figure out why every date I wanted to figure out how Mark would make it gray, which he didn't for a while. But every other one, there was gray. That was the only time I saw color.
Distractible
Slice of Life
i just think most callbacks will go on the wheel as far as points go let me start with mark for no particular reason mark you got points for apple rewards dos to windows 1995 y2k gray bush aircraft carrier and wow i was hoping you were gonna go gray
Distractible
Slice of Life
gray gray bob you got points for accidental saw by mark birthday remember reagan foos road ah 9 11 98 99 boom and molly got a point for i don't remember what getting a car probably uh and then i guess we do wheel i've got a roll of d3 and i've got a two
Distractible
Slice of Life
What they're going to do is they're going to give you a store page for your store page.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Spin number two, the fairest spin of all, most distracted. Who was the most locked in today? Because the other one would be the most distracted.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, prior to the wheel spins, Mark had six points. Bob had five. You each got one from the wheels. Mark, you end up with seven. Bob with six. Molly at one. Hmm. Mark, you win.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, thank you all for watching, and I guess, sort of thank you for listening if you didn't watch, but you should have watched, because you always should watch. See you all in the next one. If you haven't already, go follow Bob at MyScript, Mark at Markiplier, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777. Until next time, podcast out.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. And you might have noticed, I did give you all a, hey guys.
Distractible
Slice of Life
This feels like a catch 22. The store is so simple. You can't buy anything, but you can't buy anything because it's too simple. So they need to simplify it.
Distractible
Slice of Life
i get made fun of for doing it but i'm not making fun of you who's made fun of you just because you feel like we're making fun of you when we point out that that's your intro doesn't mean that we're making fun of you there's an entire youtube video on my channel making fun of me where hey guys turns into egg eyes and uh i can't unhear it now and it's my own intro and it has ruined it for me that feels like your choice
Distractible
Slice of Life
No, it was Dana made it for like an April Fool's video, which was not my choice, but brilliantly done. But anywho, welcome back viewers, listeners to the best podcast that you've probably heard of because you're here watching and or listening. I'm joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hello. Hi. Hi. One of us hosts of the To Compete for Points, and we start off with some small talk.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah. Anyway, I also have some news. This might sound like Groundhog Day to you guys. I got a car! No, I don't believe it.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Okay, there's an asterisk on this. He doesn't have a car. Yes! It's here and being driven right now. Because it's Molly's car.
Distractible
Slice of Life
oh did you get a tx we did oh so we'd given up and uh we were getting ready to look somewhere else and we were like okay we'll go in one more time we'll see and then we actually had like three more lexus locations within like a four hour drive that were like claimed to have one for sale and we're like don't really want to go to louisville kentucky but if we gotta so we went over and uh louisville no no we went over to uh performance in cincinnati then why did you mention louisville
Distractible
Slice of Life
because looking online list seeing where places actually physically had ones in stock for sale there were like two so we went over to the the king's auto mall in cincinnati walked in and i saw the guy that we had talked to before and i was like all right i'm gonna give this guy one more chance to sell us a car because it's been literally 10 months since he gave us a three month window of like three months you'll have a car that was june 2024 it is now april 2025.
Distractible
Slice of Life
But I waited. We were there. I'll skip the story. We were there for six or seven hours. The first hour of which we were waiting for this guy to be free because he was with another group and they had an appointment or whatever. We did not have an appointment. We just showed up. He got free. We met with him and he was like, all right, I've got one that is nothing like what you wanted.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And we might have one that's like what you want. And we were like, what? I feel like when you're selling a car, you either have a car to sell or you don't. But they had one, but apparently someone was in the process of buying it. They changed their minds and it was like on a hold or something. But they don't really hold cars. So we talked to his manager. The manager was like, yeah, it's for sale.
Distractible
Slice of Life
So we went out, we looked at it, had everything that Molly was looking for, we wanted. So went through the process and we bought it. So we've got the car. We own it. My car, the asterisk is because my car is still there.
Distractible
Slice of Life
being built but yeah so you don't have a car i'm married we have a car comrade the most communist thing you can do get married listen if we didn't have a car before we didn't have a car now because molly has had a car this entire time well now she has two i have zero no you didn't even trade hers in you just have no we don't know what we're gonna do with hers yet right now i have a car
Distractible
Hide The Penny
No, no, this was like 90s, I think. This was like before, this was way before we had cars. But I'm pretty sure that used to be a thing here because I do remember my grandma doing that. And she lived in Ohio unless she was a secret agent and lied to me all my whole life, which is possible.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Trucks, drawers, bamboo, boo, woo, woo. And I had a tummy ache. Good small talk.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I got a text today about crypto. Someone texted me like you need to buy. Maybe it was yesterday. Like you need to buy crypto right now. It's going to go up.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
No, like a family member who I don't talk to all that often was just like, hey, I don't know what you're doing, but if you can buy Bitcoin today, it's going to go over something, 100K or something. They're like, just buy now. Guaranteed, you'll make $1,000. And I was like, oh, thank you. Take it over. Anyway, sorry, coins.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
What if we find our own? That earns you no points. But it would stop the opponent.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
it's all this is a theory there's a game in the mind theater of the mind this reminds me of the books where like you'd have to find like it would be like a little rhyme it's like three soldiers sitting on a dock a yellow bird and a really old clock you just remember were those i spy books what were those books called what's happening i don't recall this i have no memory of these things yeah i don't know what you're talking about
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yes, but I'm pretty sure that they would give you a list, but it was always like in a rhyme or some of the books at least where if I remember, I don't know.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I haven't either. But when the penny talk for some reason made me think of I spy books, I got distractible.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
So I would ask a question like, are there any pennies that just name a place? Is that how I ask this?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm going to walk up to the counter and ask the person working the front. Have you seen anyone acting strangely in here?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I am in the coffee shop. I pat myself down and make sure there are no pennies hidden on my own person.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yeah, good sir. Good sir. I saw a bunch of them in the cash register. Here's your $100.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I do my best charisma role to seduce and or befriend the manager so that I can get a look at the security cameras to see if I can see where anyone placed their penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm reviewing the footage. I'm looking for where people might be hiding pennies.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Okay, it's Wade's turn. Chair tipped over. Mark is very short. So he tried to go somewhere I wouldn't think he could get to. Someplace high up. So the man that climbed on the table earlier, even before Mark's last climb on the table, must have been Mark. So I climb up on a chair and or table, which if Mark can reach something from that point of view, then I can see it like an eagle.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
And I look around for low hanging lights or rafters or anything that a penny might be stored on or in that's tall for Mark and, you know, average for you and I.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Mark's on to me. That's right. I went back in time in this coffee shop, Mark. I handed this to this lady's grandmother knowing that one day she'd pass it on.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I take apart the speaker. I take apart the train. I rip down the outdated decorations. That penny's up here somewhere. I feel for hollow panels in the ceiling. I know he hit... So what, you're just like rifling through?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Looking for pennies. I'm knocking. I'm feeling for hollow spots in the ceiling. Anywhere that Mark might have hidden a penny. Up high.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I thought I set my coin down, but it hit the lid of my chocolate-covered nutties.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I fall on my back from the loud boom of Mark turning on the speaker. But now being at Mark's eye level, I realize what he might have done. I scurry over toward one of the walls where they have the little... What the fuck's that little shit called? The little decorative wood on the base of your walls. Baseboard? Sure.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
shelf they're not a shelf just like the little decorative stuff on the edge of your floor trim trim trim trim is the word yes and i start removing the trim knowing that mark had to have hidden it behind the trim you just remove all of the trim around the entire no it's more like if it's loose like i'm pulling at it you don't find any loose trim it's very buttoned up it's cocked it's very well built damn it okay i'll tear the whole thing down
Distractible
Hide The Penny
i'm afraid you don't see anything you're still short sorry oh i opened the bathroom door see the mess mark is making in there go to the manager tell me you might want to call the police a madman is ruining his restroom i say hey do you see any pennies but we're tied i've already befriended him he pities me he hasn't seen any pennies though
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Am I still holding the train? No, you threw it on the floor. All right. In my head, I greedily thought that maybe I had one in the train car, but I wanted to find the second one.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I guess I didn't, yeah. But in my head, my headcanon, I was holding on to this, like, it's not even the train car, it's the whole train, and I hear a rattle, and I didn't know specifically which car it was. But the speaker, I really wanted to play to Mark's speaker bit, and I kind of got distracted by that. Hey, is there a penny in the train car?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I checked the pillowcases. Ew. Maybe you guys lost a tooth. Maybe the tooth fairy came in and left a penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
it's fine i i nudge wade in the ribs and i go are you seeing something in the corner there do you see something do you see something wayne i look over a bit like nonchalantly and then i gain a look of concern as i notice that something might be living in the corner and i wonder if it's an animal or just a trash monster and i say what the hell is that
Distractible
Hide The Penny
They took the pennies already. Whoever lives in this dorm took our pennies already and spent them. Probably. We need to leave and go check Pennyman. The penny store. You know, the college Pennyman, the guy who comes and collects your pennies.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It's my only hope. You don't need to get any smaller, man. If anything, you should have gotten taller.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
giving in to bob's horrible requirements i use my hands my feet my mouth anything i can to look through these piles for that penny i'm using every appendage i have dick included to find it okay so you come up for air every once in a while and somehow every time you come up you have an additional cold sore or i don't know
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I knew kicking those off would work. Why? Why were there condom wrappers?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, God. But I pressed on. Why did you go condoms and I went Krusty's fuck sock?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I swear to God, if there's a take a penny, leave a penny on the desk, I'm going to be so upset.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I say, Mark, no, you're too small. The power of that vape will blow you away.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I thought to check myself in the coffee shop. I never thought to check you. I'm dead and tiny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Apparently I did. I'm glad he did for me. Thank you. So while he's doing that for me.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Now that we're naked, I can see clearly what's going on around me, which is what's in this attic is very full of stuff. Is it kind of empty, sparse?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm thinking this time it's in a box of schoolwork that they've kept. Either their own or their children's schoolwork, like art projects, report cards. It's the logical next thing I for train in condom wrappers. I search for such a box.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
And then I... Hey, he's got one of those copper magnets! I turn it off to see what happens anyway.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm going now to find a penny. And the way I'm going to do it, I'm going to look to see if there's a take a penny, leave a penny anywhere in this attic.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Mark used a big magnet and sucked up all the magnetic metals to his magnet, right? So I'm going to pull out my handy-dandy metal detector that I carry with me. And now that all of the non-magnetic... Now that the magnetic metal is gone, I'm going to use the metal detector around to see if it can detect the non-magnetic metals such as copper.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Metal detector can detect copper because it's a highly conductive metal?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I mean, he just searched through half the room in one turn. I thought maybe I'd get a little leeway, but... I didn't search through half the room.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I'm going to go to the opposite side from where Mark has the magnet, and I'm going to search specifically around, like, the waist and lower level. Okay, so waist height and below. On the left half of the attic, if it marks on the right.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Now that Mark has pointed out that it's a haunted house and my metal detector hasn't done shit, I pull out my spook-o-meter to detect some spooky shit where I think the penny might actually be. It's pronounced spook-o-meter, but go on. I look for my- I use my spook-o-meter to really point me in the direction of the spoops.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yeah, but whatever it is, it's scary. Scary, it's my spookometer, my spoop, my spoop-oom, spoopy meter.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I love cam-boo lab. Are those little Play-Doh toys that allow you to make spaghetti? Are those 3D printers?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
what the fuck oh i was destined to fail i would have never searched my own hiding spot for your penny it's patently imbalanced i'm going to say so i guessed your spot before we even started thereby guaranteeing my own defeat by not searching my spot because we were of the same mind that's incredibly awful for me
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Why did we both think Grandma was a serial killer? I didn't think Grandma was a serial killer.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yeah, the exact thing I sent to Bob Mark was, a hollow wall hides a body, one of Grandma's many victims, and its eye socket is my penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
that sounds pretty good mark you earned a total of 10 points yeah and wade you earned a total of nine points okay it all comes down to the bonus point so wait if we roll one and i get it and it ends in a tie again does that mean we go to the wheel with the one man show on it again yep oh man okay
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I am going to concede this to Mark for one reason. He put deodorant on at the start of this stream, which enhances his smell, which adds to his aura.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Good for you. That is the only reason I will concede. It has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't shaved my head.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
For the first time in the history of this show, a moment happened tonight where I guessed the impossible. A made-up scenario that wasn't even a part of a normal scenario that just happened to be the exact thing the host was thinking. And it didn't pay off for me.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
if there's anything equivalent to bob losing 37 coin flips in a row whatever it was it's gotta be this moment so i think that i deserve all of the pity and feel good all you'll get up next time wade's in the world but i don't deserve the win because it still was
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, man, since the last time we spoke, a lot has happened. I had a tummy ache, didn't get much sleep, and here we are.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
If I'm going to walk you through my typical Tuesday, we do our podcast recording. I usually go straight from this to like, if I don't eat, eat something. And then it's like, okay, now I got to stream. I stream for like three or four hours. And then I usually take another hour break from that to get dinner. And then I record till like three in the morning.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
So Tuesday night, I was at my computer till 4 a.m. Yesterday being Wednesday, was a zombie the first half of the day. And then I have D&D on Wednesdays. I play D&D over at Lost Initiative. Went to bed, had a weird dream about zero gravity, woke up in immense stomach pain, and I barely existed today.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, I usually like to fuck with Ryan, yeah. Yeah, I saw that. I came to your stream too, but you didn't read my resub.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, okay. I'm mad at them, actually. Okay, the trucks, not terrible. Truck drivers are like the new minivan drivers in Ohio. Something happens.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Every time, man, every time I'm behind the wheel, there's a pickup truck that's just like, I own this road. It's like, it's three lanes. There's no one else. Why are you swerving at me? Drugs, probably. It's like, all right, fuck off, man.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Ohio truck drivers, apparently there's a club where it's like you've got to be a dick and you've probably got to be high and or drunk to get a truck. Pre-fucking-requisite.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It used to just be minivans, man, but trucks are moving into first place in my hate list.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
You have such a nice truck. Do you need a drawer for your big man tools?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
We are the most relatable podcast on the market, I'm pretty sure. Our problems are the ones everyone has.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, five and a half feet can't even hold a normal-sized human body. What do you expect it to hold drawers?
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Hide The Penny
Oh, is that what you were quoting? Why would you do that here? I don't know what that is.
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Hide The Penny
I don't know. If it's a Paul Brother thing, I usually avoid watching shit.
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Hide The Penny
Well, there are certainly days where you leave your computer and it's like, Oh, God, what happened? It's like, that's me.
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Hide The Penny
How could you? Very easily. I don't watch them fight. I don't watch them talk. I don't look at pictures of them. I'm not a drama guy. And if there's like a smog cloud of drama, I think that they, man, they wouldn't pass those old EPA checks. EPA checks? I was hoping none of you would question that. Okay. All right.
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Hide The Penny
It was when we were young here. What? I'm pretty sure in Ohio you used to have to go get your car checked for... I remember my grandma would have to take her car in to get it checked to make sure it was up to whatever the code was.
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Acronyms, But Better
You're like, man, that Krabs me up. That Krabs me right up. K-M-U. Good man, K-M-U.
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Acronyms, But Better
I like that. Thank you for your time. A. M. M. No, A-T-M-B-B. H-E-M-B-B. According to my big brain.
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Acronyms, But Better
You're in an interrogation. TME! TME! Batman holding a cup. TME! Where are the other drugs going? TME! W-A-O-D-G. Where are the other drugs? Yes, where are the... W-A-O-D-G. T-M-E. He just spends a lot of time practicing like that. Trapped in here with them. They're T-I-H-W-M.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We have like a red, a sky, an aqua, and then what, a burnt orange? It's almost a traffic light.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm surprised you guys didn't do one for Go. He's gone. Oh.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's very specific. Bird, the porn guy, if you guys remember the porn guy from the porn episode, I found out that he had to take Tyler to the airport last night.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Hey, where the fuck are you? I'm debating whether I text Tyler or do I reach for the Girl Scout cookies?
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I have some. Are you plagiarizing off my list? Because you had zero two seconds ago. I saw it on your face.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
onlyest loopiest wooden coaster they had like fire bird or something but they closed that one that's the one where you like you're on your your stomach's like hanging out or whatever the whole time your stomach's hanging out you lay on your tum you like lay on your back at first but then like you're hanging so it's like you're dangling but i think they closed that one i never got to do that one so
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Banshee there you go we were just stalling so you could get there I liked Banshee but I can't write it that much because it's like all corkscrews and loops and I get very motion sick very quickly because it's just like done
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Kings Island's slowly becoming that. I mean, they were bought by Cedar Point, so every roller coaster they add, they get closer and closer to God.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
They're getting taller, man. They're going to reach them eventually. What's the really tall one that they put in like 20 years ago? Top Thrill Dragster. Are you talking about, yeah, Cedar Point? No, no, Kings Island.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm just blanking on the name of it, but they actually finally just put in one taller than that one now too. Are we talking about a drop tower? Are we talking about a roller coaster? No, it's a roller coaster that was the tallest roller coaster they had to like the last five years. They put in a bigger one finally.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The Tolster! Oh, that might be it. Oh, I do know what you're talking about. Yeah, the Diamondback. Diamondback, yeah. The seats on Diamondback do not make you feel like you're locked in. It's like a little bucket seat, and then there's a single small pole with a little pelvis-sized handle that comes towards you. Oh, those are the best. That's the that's the thing that makes it exciting, though.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The seats have no nothing on the side. So it's just like open air everywhere. And you're on this little seat that's separated from the seat next to you or it's like one by itself. And man, oh, man, when you start to go down a hill and you feel your body lift up and the only thing holding you down is this little rickety yellow pole.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's thrilling, but also kind of like it would be so easy to die here. Yeah, well, you're not supposed to try to get out, but I wouldn't. But I, you know, listen, I know that's the thing I like.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I want to feel like I'm in a tank when I'm on the roller coaster, like a convertible tank. That's not exciting.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm going to go with one that I don't know that we've mentioned here before, but that is pretty like, I'm sure there are other museums like this, but we have an underground railroad museum because back in the day, that was a thing that happened was Kentucky was part of the South. Ohio was part of the North. The underground railroad came through here. So we have an underground railroad museum.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
And I guess whenever you live here and you just have that, you kind of don't think about it as something that like not many other places do have. But there probably aren't that many of them, I would think. I don't know.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It doesn't take super. I mean, you can take your time through it, but it's not like it takes hours and hours and hours to get through. So you can like make a nice day trip down to downtown, walk around or go to some of the parks and you can go to the Underground Railroad Museum because there is a lot of cool stuff around it, too.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You like water that can light on fire? Is it still, like, I know that's the thing about the Ohio River, but is it actually still that bad? I don't know.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
So I like, you know, we've heard that for years and years, but I know there's a lot of traffic. There's a lot of barges and things and a lot of like transport that goes on. So it's probably not the cleanest, but I actually don't know how bad it really is.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah. Like it's the Mississippi, the Ohio thing dumps into the Mississippi, right? So it's the Mississippi clean.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
great but are you gonna trust these scientists or are you gonna get on that pontoon and are you gonna start boating what's the opposite of enlightenment because i feel like that's the era we're in in darkenment are you gonna trust science and knowledge and literature and facts
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
do to treat it but if you guys remember we had that big train accident like eastern ohio near pennsylvania and like they had the big chemical spill and they were like oh it's gonna contaminate the water it was tested here in cincinnati and i remember they were like um i mean we put more chemicals in but like we tested before we did that and our chemicals already pretty much neutralized everything so there was never really an issue so whatever they do to treat it apparently they were ready for nuclear waste or whatever the heck got in though i don't know what the spill was but
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We don't have a fridge with a filtered water thing, but we do have one of those filtered water things on our kitchen sink thing. I do sometimes. It's okay. I like the bottled stuff better, but it's not bad.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It didn't hurt me as far as I know So I didn't drink a lot of water like I feel like I always had pop in my hand Like I always had coke or like growing up. I was very bad about drinking just caffeine products So I had to like make myself switch over to start drinking a lot more water and like I don't know if it was like the holding something in my hand like a can or a bottle that helped but like
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Getting a bottle of water has actually helped me break my, like, caffeine habit.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Do you not know where this is going yet, Wade? No, I think I do.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Is it that place that originated in Lebanon, Tennessee? No.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I bet you wish you were a man with five ovens instead of a man with seven air conditioners now, don't you?
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Are there still ever events where people have like the GameStop midnight release lines or new console release lines? Is that a thing of the past?
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
there is one event i saw that was similar uh kenwood mall had a thing where i don't know if it was a singer or who it was but there was like some celebrity that had like a pop-up clothing line store that was in cincinnati for like a limited time so they opened like a they called it a pop-up store where this person's merch was being sold for like 48 hours or something so people were like crazily in line trying to get in there while we were there one day did you ever wait in line down in clifton by uc for any of the games oh yeah
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Did you have the people dumping water on people from the?
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You're going to get raided by SWAT for a render farm.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Hey, are you hiring? You need a... I play video games. You need someone who knows video games. I play at least three.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
like approaching a drug dealer like hey can i be one of your dealers i use your stuff every day can i get an employee discount on these drugs please please just don't do a background check
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You're gonna find seven 3D printers, a server farm, seven AC units, and a bunch of 2D guns.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's always the one security guard who looks like he's relatively chill, but also like he really wants an excuse to tackle somebody at the same time. Oh, he's desperate. He's waiting.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
four or five years it's weird that is always the case you try to get a tv you try to get anything at best buy am i am i off base or is that like that's how stores are now i don't do a lot of shopping so probably i usually get help at the lego store i've gone to the lego store a couple times there's like two employees at the lego store what store lego they actually have been in that lego store every time i go to kenwood i i feel like i need to check it out so i do
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I've got like three Lego sets I still need to build, but before I go there, I'm still like, I gotta go to the Lego store. Yeah, well, you want to have them backed up. It's like, if I'm good while Molly does the actual shopping, I'm allowed to go to the Lego store.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
They have the whole field when you first pull in. I think they tore the skate park down, but there was a skate park. There was the basketball hoops, soccer fields. I guess they had the football field, the whole playground, baseball cages. Well-maintained.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Even when the basketball courts were slammed, it was like there was enough room for everyone to play.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
big deal taste of cincinnati another good one to hit any of that stuff this is technically not cincinnati but i've got to give it a shout out newport in general is honestly like if you're a teenager or like a young adult newport's actually a pretty cool hangout place it's basically cincinnati i mean it is because it's right across the river but it's kentucky no it's not that's cincinnati stuff
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Like so many airports are just like MSP, Minnesota, St. Paul, Cincinnati, CVG. Ah, yes. Super good. Daddy. That's not good.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I've only flown into Columbus like once because obviously why I would, but it's not exactly a big airport or anything, but that's growing up there.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't know that any of ours are. Cincinnati is actually a very small airport. We have two terminals.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Crohn's Conservatory, we have that. Is that the place you guys got married? No, no, that was, yeah, Cincinnati Nature Center, I believe.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Talk about that. Look, I try to confine my ideas to Cincinnati favorites, Cincinnati locations. But it turns out the thing that I think pushed everything over the edge was Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel is great. Love Cracker Barrel. Not Cincinnati exclusive, but we do have one. And it's always been very good. So shout out to Cracker Barrel for really just putting me in the ground today.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It at least originated here and is mostly confined to here.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's so crazy how that works out. You're just like in your moving truck on your way here and you're like, man, Indiana, what a great random place to stop.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Dude, $36,000 a year on power? You're saving so much. My yearly power bill is going to be $36,000.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I understand. I would too if I had a $3,000 power bill.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Okay, I actually bought 13, but I did that thing where you donate like four.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
So last year I went a little overboard, and I had like six boxes of Thin Mints, like five boxes of the, what are they, Do-Si-Dos or whatever they're called? The ones that kind of taste like cinnamon toast or whatever, where they got a little icing on them. I forget what those are called, but they're really good. Molly likes the lemon ones.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I got ones that are kind of just like a sugar cookie this year. But last year I went a little bit too insane. So I toned it down. I only got nine boxes this year, which is still a lot.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Others and the host is the winner, like laying the foundation for you to win.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah, well, okay. This is hopefully... So I've got a meeting Thursday to try to see what we can do to actually get the car. It's not comp, you buy it. Yeah, but they never have, no one has cars on lot anymore. It's all like order.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
If you don't get a car, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again. Listen, I'm going to find one. I'm going to find one. You have found one. You're going to already. Yeah, but they didn't have the one in stock. I test drove a different model that was similar because they didn't have one on the lot. I'm hoping they can find one and actually get it. I guess we'll see.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
hanabi path of exile wade are you sure that and look around you that there isn't a car in a box still in your office somewhere oh that could happen what if all the times we tried to get a lexus they actually did send us one and i just never knew because i'm i'm i'm cardboard blind i can't see cardboard
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm better at cracking jokes during Mark's segment than my own. El Servo was pretty funny.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The number one seeds that everyone thinks are going to win often crumble to pressure. And it's one of the other ones that does win it. So we'll see. Pressure does get the teams eventually.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Did he understand that the higher the number, the worse the seed?
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
that's not what he's saying that's not what he's saying at all we rewind we cut to him like actually like mad scientist going through each team's roster like seeing their potential draft status he's like trying to create he's like this is going to be the best bracket we've ever seen and he never put more effort to anything in his life and this is the result well it doesn't bode well for him that who did he pick to win it he picked oh he picked the zags he picked on zagging to win it which is not a completely insane pick but they were an eight seed