Wade
Appearances
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined herein. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there is no penalty. Can you share me that one? I think a document might be better than this one. Did we sell pocket handbook constitutions? Did we ever do that? No. Did we actually do that? No. Did that idea get floated? Yes.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like when the dentist gives you a pop quiz, two of your favorite things at once. Does that happen?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yes, it did. I was like, man, shouldn't we have our pocket constitution somewhere? Yeah, well, we would have had to really settle on some official text if we were going to do something like that. And let me tell you, if there ever was a living document, this one is the livingest. Wait, this is when I turned around. What is this? Wait, what? What did you link? Oh, nothing. What is that?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's nothing.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
that's just that's what you call not knowing how to copy and paste what are you looking at don't worry about that don't worry about that that's not related to anything that you may or may not be doing next time we record interesting all right okay i don't like where that's going i like that well i'll forget it i'll forget it this new keyboard has an extra button where my finger wants control to be and it just really gets in the way of stuff like that
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Pop quiz whether you flossed or not. And he knows the answer. He's like, do you need this tooth? I think so. No, you don't! And yanks it out. I think I told that story on this podcast, but that happened to me once. Dental pop quiz? No, the no you don't and then the yoink the tooth out. That sounds familiar. I had a serious problem with the roots of one of my back, one of my molars.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, this thing's over a page long. I don't have this kind of attention span anymore. Yeah, well, that's why I fed it into a chat GPT so it could give me a one-sentence summary of it. I can't stop yawning! Oh, bro, how are you going to do that? I think caffeine, I need to just stop forever. Because every time I drink a caffeine, I get real yawny.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And then I remember, hey, ADHD, caffeine sometimes doesn't work that way for me. And it just makes me more tired. But there's a very few rare opportunities where it actually does wake me up. And it's usually when I'm actually tired. When it does work. Oh, my God. But if I drink it when I'm not tired, I get tired. So why the fuck do I drink it? Because I'm habited and I'm addicted.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, it's literally addiction. I am in the same boat. When it hits, though, I'm like Fry in the Futurama episode where he drinks 300 cups of coffee. The caffeine hits and the entire world slows down around me like I'm Barry Kramer and it's miracles. I have not had an effect off caffeine in a long time. If I get hit with caffeine, I don't ever notice it anymore.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
You drink a lot of caffeine or not a lot of caffeine? Not much anymore, no. I'll have like maybe four or five drinks a week, which is a lot, but it's not as much as like I used to where it was like a couple of day. Energy drinks or like sodas? Like a Coke or something. Oh, I don't even consider those that have caffeine in them.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If it's not measuring the caffeine in hundreds of milligrams, it's not caffeinated.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
oh okay i don't do energy drinks or like five hour energies or anything i don't drink those i gotta stop i drank an energy drink one time before a basketball game and i was like all fucking jittery throughout the basketball game and i was like i am never drinking one of these again remember remember mark you remember the big pile of blue amps in our dorm room the pyramid from floor to near ceiling and that was just tuesday night yes it was actually it literally was are you guys alive i don't know man
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Dude, we bunked our own beds with plastic coat hangers. Like, there's a lot. Mark used to just jump off buildings and hope he knew how to parkour. I did that exactly once, and I learned I don't know how to do this. Once would have been enough for me to not have survived college, so the fact that you lived is pretty good. I was boring. I've got an issue with the Constitution I just noticed.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Maybe it's not with the Constitution, but maybe it's with an interpretation. You had an issue with the Constitution last time when we were making the entire Constitution. Yeah, well, this whole season, I remember Bob and I would talk and Mark's like, you better not make any handshake deals. Those are against the Constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
All of these sections talk about how handshake deals can overturn parts of the Constitution. I never said it was against the Constitution. I just said you better not because it's always screwing me over. I'm pretty sure he did. Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? You said that we don't have red flags. No, we do from new things.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, well, that was actually a thing that I thought was funny. In the text of the document, the red flag thing isn't in there. Technically, it says that you have the right to appeal. I don't know how we arrived at throwing a red flag. No, there was red flags. That was a thing. It absolutely was a thing. Mm. It is. It's in the other document.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We could go back and watch the original episode, but I won't do that. Oh, I don't want to watch that. Yuck. We already know this video, this particular episode. No one's going to watch it. Should we just throw this out and do more broken news again? I mean, no, but yes. I already made the white guy's joke. I'm already on it.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I had a couple foundational questions I felt like we should address, and otherwise I'm not too interested in parsing a bunch of legal language and stuff. Do we want to keep the Constitution? As a general thing, as a part of the podcast. I believe that it is good to have framework. I will agree. The wording needs to be officialized. We should hire a lawyer to join in on an episode.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And it got like, just got worse and I kept putting it off. And when I finally went in, they did like an x-ray and the dentist was kind of like, I'm not sure how that thing's still in there. And they literally, like no anesthetic or anything, literally were just like, watch. And I was like, oh, that makes sense, I guess. Did it hurt? Yeah, well, it was hurting the whole time.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
actually make sure that the writing is both concise or a stenographer. One or the other, not both. I vote Bob. I'm not a lawyer. I vote Bob still. Bob, you either have to learn stenography or take the bar exam. One or the other. I don't want to do either of those. God damn. Fuck. You can't lie about it. He cannot lie about it. No, I would. I don't know about stenographers.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Do stenographers have strict ethics? Because I definitely don't want to lie about anything having to do with lawyers and bar exams and shit, but stenographers might play it fast and loose. Who knows? Oh, they're tighter than lawyers. Okay, but if we're going to have a real one, it's got to actually be written properly.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It doesn't have to have legal aims, but it just has to be written by us or someone we trust. And have terms that we can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Veto! Do I have veto power in my life? No, this is a tribunal. There's no such thing. Some of this sounds like work and I'm not here to work. I think I said that last constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined in this constitution. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there shall be no penalty. I think that's the best rule. Yeah, well, we need that rule or else this whole facade crumbles. What if we make the, instead of making it more concise, we make it more complicated?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think convolution is our checks and balances. I like that. So we could just start chucking ideas out and just tag in sections that maybe one person will remember one time to exploit as a... I like that. Okay. I keep zoning out. I'm already so bored of the Constitution. Why do you hate the Constitution? You hated it last year and it's only made the podcast better. Because I'm consistent.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
My hatred has made it better. You're damn right. No, the Constitution has made this podcast better by not being utter chaos. There's a time for chaos. Is that a pickle or a knife? That's a knife. What's in your other hand? The sheath. Oh, I thought it was a pickle. Why do you think so many things are pickles? I like being threatened by pickles, I guess. I don't know. Don't kick shame.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Anyway, well, you know what? Let's just start throwing out new stuff, huh? How about that? All right, well, if we're throwing it out, why is that to be new? We'll just say it's thrown out. No, no, not give me new ideas. Throw just anything you want. The viewers can win an episode somehow. I like Skyline Chili. Is that a rule? Could be. I don't know. You said throw stuff out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, if that's in the Constitution, you can never not like it. So if you ever go against the Constitution, you're breaking the law. What's the punishment for breaking the law? Um, you gotta fix it? The law? I guess, yeah. Like our government, there's no punishment for breaking the law. But there should be! Can we issue pardons? Someone would have to be president. What's the opposite of a pardon?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Can we issue blamies? Blamies? Ha ha ha! You know, it's funny because on the coffee machine, I have a tag that says, am I going to have to blame Amy for this? Because one time she didn't clean out the coffee machine when she always does. And I never clean out the coffee machine. I don't know. Why is she with me? I'm such an asshole. Hey, buddy, don't be too hard on yourself.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So when they did that, it stopped hurting. And I was like, ah. Last time I went to the dentist, which was like a year ago, so I really got to get back there. I didn't have a cavity, but it was like I had some gum issue, right? And they wanted to do a gum graft and to like make sure that you're flossing every day until your appointment. And I did. I flossed every day until my appointment.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We ask ourselves the same thing. Yeah, that's true. Viewers can win. What happens if they win? They host. That doesn't have to be in here. Who is they? The viewers. They just all get together in a call and record an episode?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The listeners and the viewers are separate entities, and they must be treated as such. So only the viewers can win? Either can win, but they don't win collectively, I think is what I'm getting at. I don't know why I'm waving the knife today. It just feels very... This tribunal feels hostile. I'm always hostile. Youth hostile. Is a hostel a hotel or a brothel? Definitely not a brothel. Could it be?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Hopefully not. In your mind? Maybe? In the world? No, I don't think that that would be legal anywhere that that's a thing. Like a candy on your pillow? It's just like a naked person on your pillow? I don't want a random naked person on my pillow. I really don't want that. That might be an experience you could have in a hostel, but also it's not part of the fact that it's a hostel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, I got crispy Jerry on my pillow. I don't want crispy Jerry on my pillow. Give me some more constitution bits. What do we got? I think boat can be any number of things on or near water. I want to expand boat. Well, I think we already were doing that. I don't think. I know, but that was on that was just on our of our own volition. But I'm just going to write boat can be anything.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We do an episode from the inside of a whale. There's nothing stopping us. But if we were in the Constitution, I think it'll be argued that we must do that. And I don't want to do that. Boat can be anything we all agree is a boat. That's all I want to put in there. How about boat is any vehicle on or near water within a certain amount of distance from water? Within like a hundred yards.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
A football field distance away from a... So instead of being in like a pool or a tub or a lake, we're just in a car near it? Yeah. I'm going to put exactly what you said out loud, Mark. A hundred yards. One football field. Within like a football field distance from a body of water. Yeah. I think we should be a football field away from land if counted as being in water.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, that can also be in there. Within a football field away or within a body of water. That also means a shoreline. We should define it by the shoreline. What's the shoreline of a tub? The edge, the ring of scum around the tub is that shoreline. This governing thing is easy. Is this what the founding fathers? A hundred percent.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
They were all sitting around drinking Sam Adams, just making stuff up. Was Samuel Adams one of the founding fathers? Yeah, that's why his beer is so popular. What do we need? What does this show need? The show needs more sponsors. All right, I'm going to put that in there. Ooh, put it in the Constitution. Every company in existence has an obligation to buy at least one ad on this podcast.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How do we enforce that? Red flags. what about companies we don't want we're gonna take their money okay good this scene now we're cooking all steel must be d2 uh by all companies is there a minimum like size or it could be like if grandma's crocheting and sells a blanket we're like we gotta make a cut of that that's not a company it has to be a company llc or incorporated
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
That is a specific thing that is defined by other people. Does that mean we have to sponsor our own podcast? Called doing a merch plug. So we have to get merch up. By those laws, we have to get merch. Well, I'm just going to type that in there. Is this like a to-do list? Yeah, this is starting to do a to-do list. Oh, I have one. I wanted to actually throw this out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Then I forgot when my appointment was. And I get a call saying like, hey, you missed this. You got to pay a late fee. I'm like, oh, what? Oh, that's why I was flossing every day. I did it for a month straight. I had the best gums. It was amazing. It was so much cleaner. And then I stopped doing it after that. I was like, well, I don't need to do it anymore.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
This is going to feel like it's targeting someone, and it's not. I promise it's not. But because you know it also applies to me once I say it out loud. Just get all the way through it with me. If you show up to host an episode and you don't have anything prepared... Okay, all right. Increase the one-man show percentage on the wheel by 2%. That's fair. So it's not about...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
i've done that the most probably out of all of us so it's not about spinning it it's about it just ups the percentage only when someone comes without an idea that's fair well here's the thing do we like the wheel at all i like the wheel but i wish it either happened a lot more or never
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I want to gamify it more so it's more nail-biting but also addicting and you want to spin it so that like the coin flip haha went 13 times in a row without Bob winning we don't have that we need that we need that excitement back in there and to tempt fate we need to tempt fate more I want more tempting of fate we need to tempt Fate more. What a good law.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I never know what statement I shout out is going to be inscribed in the Constitution. I'm just capturing the good ones and making sure they get written down somewhere. Okay, cool. All right. All right, so how do we tempt fate more with the wheel?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Maybe every episode ends in a wheel spin, but there's a different... It's either the one-man show wheel is like punishment, but there's another wheel or something. No, bonus stars, like in Mario Party. Every episode should have bonus stars. We barely keep track of points. Will you keep track of that? Well, maybe the wheel has like, it decides what bonus star it is.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like, okay, who made the most poop jokes? Okay, who made the most? And it'll spin that and we're like, ah, that was Wade or that was Bob or who said this word the most? What if we don't remember? It's just a discussion. We have to collectively decide. It doesn't matter what reality is. It matters what we say reality is, and we all have to agree. We need a bonus point wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So at the end of every episode, what I technically wrote is bonus stars like in Mario Party on a wheel that gets spun at the end of every episode, which is...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
definitely clear enough to make sure we understand this concept i think the host should have the opportunity to change one item on the wheel so not all of it but every like you could rotate one out if there's one you don't like or if you want to if you have a funny idea that's what i was going to say yeah it should be flexible that it can be changed that way you know if we hate it we don't have to wait a year and i think the audience can also suggest who has to keep track of the wheel and spin the wheel each episode and why is it bob
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think we can do this. We can collectively... I mean, it'll just be a website that I have to open, and I don't mind that. I don't mind that. How many bonus stars are we going to have? I think the number of times the wheel is spun at the end could fluctuate. Like, it's default one for a bonus, but then maybe if a certain criteria is met, it's spun again.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What if we have a wheel that determines how many times we spin the other wheel? Oh, more wheels. I like this. I love chains of wheels. Yeah. Or a dice. A dice and a wheel. Is there a dice website that has let you write on the dice? Well, you could just have like literally a D6 and however many times, whatever it lands on is how many times you have to spin the bonus wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But I want the visual of it. Like, you know, rolling and then be like, oh, magic eight ball. We're just talking about a Magic 8-Ball. I bet there's a website with, like, a Magic 8-Ball. I'm asleep, please consult later, or whatever they say, yeah. Oh, you can buy a custom Magic 8-Ball. That would be interesting, but we'd have to change that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But if we order three custom Magic 8-Balls, and each of us just has a Magic 8-Ball at our desk for episodes... That would take some work, but it'd be cool, but I doubt our ability. Wait, can we get custom dice in real life? Is that a more achievable thing? Because there's lots of people who make custom dice and stuff, right? We could 3D print anything, really, but it's like, that's work.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'm not going to reschedule that or anything. They asked me to pay money. I'm insulted. And then I stopped doing it like an idiot. I'm going to schedule my appointment right now. I'm diabetic, and so I'm pretty good about managing my doctors and stuff. The dentist is like the polar opposite. I don't know why it's so hard for me to give a shit about the dentist. And I do not have great teeth.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, okay. Now, what if we do a wheel? What if it's just a wheel? All right, wheel. We could have a wheel and a wheel. So we should write a section in the Constitution that's like, this is what it has, and we'll just change it in the Constitution, depending on what we feel like. There should always be on the wheel who's the baldest. I think that's fair to you.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Ooh, but we could, one of us could shave. If we feel like the win is that desperate, but it may not guarantee the win. I'm okay with that. What if there is a small chance that we don't increase or lower on the points one that always has one man show is like a 2% chance. We never adjust the percentage of that one. We should see if the one-man show is actually an ample punishment beforehand.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Trust me, it will be. All right, all right, fair enough. He might enjoy it. Don't speak for him. That's true, that's true. I was. What if there's a punishment where I make Mark get my YouTube channel to 10 million so I can get that diamond play button that I've always wanted? Is that a fair punishment? No. Why do I have to do that? Why do I have to get it to 10 million? Why can't you get it?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Because it's not a punishment if I have to do it. All right, what other bonus points do we want to have? Most bald, shortest? That's what I suggested, but Wade shot it down. Who ate the most? Oh, maybe it should be who ate the most on the episode or who ate the least. No, it should be who ate the most to encourage us to maybe sometimes eat a lot during an episode.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Wait, why are you making that face? It benefits you. You're usually the one that's eating. Listen, the problem isn't the wins. The problem is I don't need encouragement to eat. You don't need to change your behavior. It's the same behavior. You don't need to do anything different. I need to change my behavior. All these have benefited you so far.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Molly has finally convinced me that my shirts aren't just shrinking because she hates me. It's the way that Katie is. I believed it was witchcraft for years. Or that she was intentionally shrinking your shirt. She hates my clothes. She's shrinking them. I know that it's a common thing to be like, oh, my clothing shrunk in the washer dryer.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I've never, ever experienced this phenomenon of my clothes suddenly shrinking. That's because they don't make clothes your size, so they're always oversized. When they do shrink, they just finally fit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
You got my real laugh. All right, fine. Whoever got the loudest in the episode. Caused the biggest laugh. Who had the best joke. That's a good one to have. Who caused the best laugh. Who looks the best that day. I think that fluctuates. Sometimes my hair is just a ramshackle mess. I'm wearing the same shirt. Whoever is the most put together that day.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Should we have a bonus one for the listeners and or viewers so they have a chance of getting a point? What if it's a zero-point episode and only the listeners or viewers get a point? Then they could finally win. If we start interacting more with the subreddit also, that we could give points out for things the subreddit does that are good and not annoying or terrible. Subreddit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, whoa, hey, easy up. They don't need that. I said that I would fix it and add the other moderators, and I don't think I ever did that because the fire distracted me, so I gotta get back on fixing. Oh, some excuse. I was in the middle of fixing the subreddits. I totally forgot about that. Oh, shit. It's just been on... I guess being on fire is a bad comparison right now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I probably have more serious issues because it's been too long since I've been to one. But like, I mean, even it comes up, I'll have the thought. I'm like, oh, I should. Yeah, I should make sure I have an appointment with my doctor. Of course I do. I should maybe find a dentist to go to. I don't want to do that. Yeah, I want to do that. I'm weird.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It's been... It's been fine. It's been fine. Hey, they were very complimentary of our episode with the broken news. That's seven, then. Bonus point for viewers, listeners. Well, those are separate, right? So that'd be one for each. So would that make it eight? Oh yeah. I guess it should be. Oh, they're separate people. That's right. Most on point.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like whoever was most on point with whatever the topic was. And there should be a flip side of that. Whoever's the most attractive. Do we want to add both of those? Yeah. Add both of them. How about this for a rule? So that wheel is spun at least once an episode, right? Every single episode, a host has to add a category so that by the end of the year, there's 60 fucking items on there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It could be anything. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's just like you just add some shit. I'll change out at the end of every episode the host may change one item to the host must add one item to the wheel. Yeah, it's like throwing a suggestion into the hat game and whose line. Just throw a random bullshit in there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Dude, if this wheel ever fucking gets deleted and then at the end of the season, there's like a hundred and some things on the wheel. I'm just going to do a random number picker or something like that. Fucking. That wheel would be nuts. That's cool. That'd be fun. Then there's plenty of options.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, so we're starting with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 we have right now, but we'll just keep adding. There's nothing that says you can't add repeats or bad things, so you could add more points for viewers or listeners if you're happy with them or something, or if you're trying to change the odds, or you could add punishments or all kinds of stuff. Well, it has to be points.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We'll say it has to be limited to points, but you could take points away for things or... Because it's like it's both interesting, but also not high stakes because it's only spun once. Are we eliminating the wheel? Are we going to do the number of spins wheel and then the bonus points wheel and then just maybe have it be like 1% one man show or something so that that's like a weird payoff?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think maybe we still keep the other wheel. What if the bonus wheel makes it into the tie? Then we would still need the other wheel for a tiebreaker. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, I think we should still keep that other wheel. All right, so we still have the tiebreaker. We're in a three-wheel system right now. What's the third wheel?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The first wheel is the wheel that will decide how many spins of the bonus wheel, right? Aren't we doing that? Oh, I didn't know that was a separate wheel. That's interesting. I thought we were at the end of every episode before the points. There's a bonus points now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I've always preferred the dentist to the normal doctor. Incorrect opinion. I know. No one feels that way. Why? Why, though? Why? They scrape and they kick and the noise in your head. It's unpleasant. No, I get it. It's like, you know, generally speaking, there's something nice about just sitting back in a big chair, closing your eyes and... You know, I get it, Wade. You and me, we're the same.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I thought we were going to, it has to be spun at least once, but there's a thing, a wheel or a magic eight ball or something with the sides. How many times we spin the bonus point wheel. And then you spin the bonus point wheel and divvy that up. And then you do the points for the game. Well, that sounds like a job for a dice. What should the number be for that? Like one to four, one to six.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We don't want to spend the wheel like a dozen times. There's got to be like, we have to make a D three. Yeah.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
we have to physically make a d3 we have to make it happen i mean that does exist right oh yeah there's there's d3 dice it's just like physically oh it's like a cylinder triangle thing right and you just like roll it three sounds fair to start with up one to three yeah that that feels right that's how mario party does it anyway do you see the horrible three-sided die that's like three fins why is it horrible
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I don't know, it just, I don't like it, the way it makes me feel. Sounds like a you problem, gonna be honest. Sounds like it must be a finned three-sided die. There's a cool, like, infinity-looking one where, like, it lands and has a one, a two, or a three, like, cut into the... I like that one. It must be the most uncomfortable three-sided die according to Wade's discomfort in that moment.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, fine, I hope it's covered in fucking holes just for you, then. No, Wade's discomfort. I don't like holes now. It must be the host's phobia in a die. It's a dice made of a spider covered in holes. Good. That's also a clown. Making me itchy and scared. I don't like it. I think we've lost the plot. What are we doing in this episode?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I've got a bunch of stuff I need to somehow weasel into this constitution now. Are we going to start ripping out laws? Yeah. Do we want anything else added? And do we want to delete some stuff? I don't think there's anything else in there. I think the best thing we've done in the Constitution, and I think you guys would agree, the physical tracking of points and naming them. That was a good one.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I like that very much. I think that helped a lot and also is very fun to keep track of. It is fun to hear the points right out at the end and what they were for. That is fun. Whether or not we kept a full record of it, I think my hot sauce ones are lost to the winds, but... I was going through them earlier. I didn't even use the title them. I just had like your guys' names and like a case.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'd write down what it was for. Like they got a lot more intricate over time. Yeah. I got to get a notebook because I want to keep track of it. I actually want to keep track of these. I'm about, oh, almost halfway through this notebook. I'm very excited to see when this actually gets filled up. Then I'll have a whole, I'll have a documentation and it'll absolutely make sense.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I can turn to any page and see that Wade earned points for natural sleeper, 30 minutes of shit and shit shower. And do you fear death? See, I don't even remember what it's about, but it makes me laugh. It's just it's a documentation of our history. July 9th, we did an episode where Tyler had six points. Wow. Oh, you date yours. That's a good idea. I put the title of mine. Here's the thing, though.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I date what episode we record them, not necessarily what day they come out. So the dates still aren't perfect. Apparently my scorekeeping for the at least 20 questions episode really went downhill because we got into the whole chapstick situation. Mark lost seven points, but Wade lost 11 points during that episode. I occasionally just pull out a chapstick, Bob, just to see if you'll react to it.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How many fucking points I gave out in this episode? Jesus. Mine are always like five to 15. I'm pretty consistently that five to 15 range. I like Mark's. I've been trying to edge towards Mark's style of like low single digit points. Keep it tense. Yeah, I've only ever done one point plus or not only, but I predominantly gravitated towards points up or down one.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I only ever give one point at a time. I just give a lot of points. Sometimes you guys are just talking and I'll just chuckle and I'll be like, huh, point. Somebody said that we apparently had claimed and have never done golf rules, which we did do golf rules, but it was before the Constitution. Yeah, we did one. It was Bob's Fridge.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Wade hosted that and Mark got the most points, but at the end, Wade gave me the win by saying it was golf rules and I actually won the episode. It was before we had the Constitution, so I intentionally gave Mark as many points as possible so that it would feel unfair at the end. I was like, oh, Mark's going to win. I was like, but I'm going to inverse it. It's going to be so funny.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We're the same. They get those jagged tools in there and they're like, how's your dog? I think it's simple. The reason is I was such a big fan of dinosaurs as a kid that whenever I'd go to the dentist, like they always had these like little toys you could take home if you were good at the dentist. And they had like a whole bowl of dinosaur toys and I wanted to collect them all.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think you have to declare it, but I guess it's not in the Constitution. That was before the Constitution. You're right. That's true. This was back before distractibles had invented fire. I'm just going to write down, it's in the Constitution. That'll resolve a lot of disputes.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
so you like the writing down the rules is there anything we want to rip out um do we want to rip out the subreddit appeal thing because i feel like that's been a mess yeah we didn't use it doesn't make sense i don't even know if we should have an unfairness clause shall i just write down remove all unfairness clauses we could do something where you know if someone declares something is unfair something's done on the spot but i don't know what that would be an immediate wheel
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
One more wheel. The wheel of fairness. If one of us declares something is unfair, we spin a wheel where either we win the appeal or we're forced to host a one man show. It's a risky claim. No, no. It's got to be something with like trial by combat. You know, is this unfair? Let God decide. What if it's just a coin flip? Heads for fair, tails for unfair.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What if it's a really heavily stacked against it being unfair coin flip? Like you can declare it's unfair, but it's a nine to one chance. It's going to be fair. Do you have to win three coin flips in a row for it to be fair? I like that. Then we just, then we just have a wheel of fairness. Nah, the coin flip is cool. Okay. Coin flips.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If you win three coin flips in a row, it was unfair and you are justified. That is fate saying. That's the universe taking your side. Yeah. And you can only do that once. What a one in eight chance, three coin flips, one in eight. That's fair. That's actually... That's pretty good. That's better than what Mark wanted. What if you lose all three coin flips in a row? Does anything bad happen?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I mean, once you lose one, I feel like you just stop. You don't lose again. Once you lose one, it is fair. Well, I mean, I'm saying if you forced it to flip three times... I get what he's doing. Because you have to flip three times. And that's another one in eight chance that something terrible happens. For daring invoke... It's double point loss.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
you know if you don't get three in a row 75 chance you're good 12 and a half percent you win 12 and a half percent you really lose that's good i like that so we're not just throwing out unfairness willy-nilly there has to be a risk okay so if you lose three coin flips in a row what was it you lose double the points or you get double the unfair yeah whatever what you said was unfair will be dealt double
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So, like, if Mark gives you a point, I'm like, that should be my point. And I say it's unfair. You would get two points. Or, you know, if Mark says I lose a point, I'm like, no, I don't lose a point. That's unfair. We do the three coin flips, then I can either lose two or... We should make it that as soon as the word unfair falls out of someone's mouth, it happens.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Even if they don't realize they're doing it. So we've got to be very careful about what we're saying. Because as soon as the word unfair comes out, coin flip immediately. Stop everything we're doing. We're going to do an episode just called Fair or Unfair where every three seconds we're flipping again. All right, that's in there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Once per episode, you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud and initiate three coin flips. Win three in a row and unfairness is proven. Lose three flips in a row and it is made doubly unfair. Well, it's made doubly fair because if it was unfair, then the unfairness would be valid. That's fair enough. Fair enough. If we say fair, you have to flip or just unfair. Both.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Is that what we're saying? The trigger word is unfair. So if like, thank you, Mark. That's incredibly fair. Nothing happens. But if I'm like, Mark, that's unfair. We immediately coin flip. I think it also should be valid if you trick another host or another contestant into saying unfair. I like that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think if anyone ever says the word unfair for any reason and any of the other two people hear it and catch it, it is triggered. Even if it's a trick. What about synonyms to unfair? What about when we say that's unreasonable? Has to be the word unfair. What if you say funfair? Can't spell funfair without unfair. He said it! No parts of other words, no hyphenations.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So I was always excited to go to the dentist so I could get the next dinosaur toy. And I think that just permanently like dentist equals dino. I like dino. I like dentist. Whereas the doctor just, you know, gave you shots or touched your balls and that was it. Then you go home. It's like nothing. You and me, Wade, same, same brain, same brain.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
must be unfair i gave us three episodes before we forget this oh yeah no the convolution is very good though because it will forget about it for like months and then out of nowhere during a highly heated episode someone will just be like he said it and then it will happen and it'll i think the audience can participate if they catch us not saying it they can remind us and then we have to doubly unfair later no that's stupid fuck me
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
No, see, that's the thing. We don't need to enumerate that. I think we have a good rule here, and if the subreddit points out that we're not doing it, we can just on the fly do whatever fucking bullshit we want and jazz it up later or do makeups or something or ignore them because they suck or whatever we want.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
That removes all current unfairness clauses, and that's our current appeals and unfair process. No more red flags and blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, none of that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
great good constitution boys we could trick the audience into getting our watch time up because they have to pay attention if they want to yeah they're gonna have to really scrutinize yeah they're gonna have to go back through and listen again make sure they didn't miss anything the fools I don't have any other ideas I really, really want to cut out or anything. I don't know.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What is this section three of article one? The competitors of an episode shall be composed of any members not elected to be host by the host of the previous episode unless overturned by handshake dealer or official separate vote. What does that even mean? I think it literally just means that whoever won the last episode hosts and they're not a competitor.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So if we had two winners, which I don't know if we can still have that happen, but. Yeah, we can. If it ends in a tie, we don't have to say it's a tie. We can just say you both win. Well, yeah, it doesn't have to be a tie. It could just be a win. It's not a tie to win. It's just two winners. It's a meaningless pedantic distinction, but I feel like we're allowed to make that distinction if we want.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If something comes up, you could just say you're both winners. There's 100% chance for the next person to do the one man show. We're like, no, no, you just both win. You both win. I don't want to be crazy here. You both win. But that's the rub is you have to write down the points and it can't be a tie, but also they can both win.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, even if we do it in a tie, now we got the bonus points to stop it from being a forced tie. That's true. Now we can't just make sure there's not a tie on our watch. You might just end up with ties thanks to the wheel of bonus points bullshit. I'm like, oh man, Mark, it looks like you win by 10 today. But how? I don't know, man. That's how the math worked out. Oh no, can't have that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Can't have that. All right. Is that good? We did it? Good. I think we did it somehow. I think we just blanket sweep vote that all these changes are valid and good and we agree to them. Well, I will try and make this into one document that is like for us. Not that hard, but I'll try a little bit. And then we'll have a constitution. And I guess I will be the keeper of the constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Unless you go home, your teeth are all like clean and stuff. Well, and so did you ever have any, I mean, cavities? Do you ever have any serious teeth thing? Because like I had braces for six or seven years or something. I had a lot of stuff with my teeth and my mouth that was like very unpleasant. Because the orthodontist is not the dentist, but it's all mentally, it's all connected.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Bob, I hope you win this season. You put the most work in. Well, I won last season. I guess it's not over. So is that what we decided about the season champion? It's not done yet, so there's no winner yet? Yeah, there's nothing. It hasn't been decided yet. Technically, I'm in the lead by a couple. I'm going to get that cash prize. I didn't get a cash prize last season.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It didn't take effect until year two of the Constitution. What the hell? I don't know how to end this because we don't have a host. All I know is that I'm looking forward to Mark's one-man show episode. Yeah, I'm so glad that Mark had to be busy today for a little bit because it gave Bob and I some time to cook.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, Mark, as a reward for your forthcoming punishment, do you want to leave us out here? Sure. Thank you, everybody, for joining for another year. We've only got another year left until Distractible is forcibly deleted from existence. Even your private recordings of it will be expunged. You will see how. Foreigners distract us. That's what we called it. That's this. That's all it is.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The clock is always ticking. Remember, only I will be deleted. So all of your recordings will mysteriously not have me in it. That'll be a hell of a thing. We'll just get the AI that says, have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus? Oh, we didn't put any ship of Theseus things in the constitution. If this constitution keeps changing, is it really the same constitution? The constitution of Theseus?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like the con of Theseus. May your D2 steel knives always be sharpened. If they're not, for the love of God, sharpen them. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I hated that shit. So did you, is your teeth, were your teeth always just like they cleaned them and it was fine and you were good and it was easy? I mean, I had cavities here and there. I had braces. There was like an eight year period where I didn't go to the dentist, like college. And right after college, I just had no money or insurance.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I was like, the last thing I'm going to do is spend my money to go pay someone to tell me my teeth are dirty. Like, I know that I brush them, but like, I can see that there's like the buildup. I know that I need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford the dentist. So for like eight years, I didn't go. Then I went back and they were like, I hate to tell you the bad news. You got three cavities.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I was like, wait, eight years. I've only got three cavities. I could go another eight, but I go twice a year to the dentist now. Twice a year? Is that the recommended amount? Yeah, you get cleanings every six months. Jesus Christ. I think I've had one cavity my entire life. Well, okay, no, I've had another, but it was when I still had baby teeth.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So it was when I was very young, and my dad was really pissed about this because I had a cavity in my baby teeth, and the orthodontist that I went to was like, ah, I'm going to fill that up and charge money for this. So we did it and charged money, and my tooth fell out because it was a baby tooth a month later. Yeah, that seems like bullshit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, so it was, and my dad was really pissed about that. I can't remember. I rarely get cavities, but I have no cavities, but serious, serious issues where I have root issues and all kinds of fun shit. But I had a cavity in a baby tooth, and I remember the tooth fell out, and I was looking at it. I was like, wow, that's mostly cavity at this point. Goddamn. It's just a hole. It was interesting.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Good thing I didn't keep that one. I never had braces or anything, but I had a couple cavities filled throughout life. I had my wisdom teeth pulled when I was a teenager. I don't know if you guys remember this, but this was like four or five years ago. A good portion of my tooth just broke off. I think it was an airhead, if I remember the story correctly.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I had it in my basement, which was really cold. So it like hardened, which I didn't think about. And I went and I just bit into it. And I was like, there's a crunchier airhead than I'm used to.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
oh no and then i like reached in and just was like what is that and i remember looking in the mirror and just like half of what felt like half of my front tooth was missing i was like my career is over i could never look at a camera again and then i found out they could just fix that shit now they fix that super easy i actually in my senior year of high school i i was holding my tuba and it got hit into my face i chipped one of my front two teeth right in the middle and
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think I've had to have one go back once and have them re-put the whatever cap on or whatever it is. Yeah, they've basically permanently fixed it at this point. It's awesome. Because I was worried. I was like, oh, they're going to have to yank it and give me like a cadaver tooth or something crazy. I have to give you one of them George Washington lead teeth. I heard that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I have no idea if it's true or not, but I believe the myth is George Washington's false teeth were made out of wood or whatever. Apparently, at least some of his teeth or one of his versions of his dentures that he had was just straight up made out of lead. Don't Google lead teeth. Oh, pass. Why would you Google that? I was like, oh, I wonder if lead teeth, it's not lead teeth made of lead.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I just realized I'm not sure who does the intro for this. I think last time we all said it at the same time. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another Distractible episode. Your favorite, your best host, Wade. Your dog's favorite place to poop. My name's Bob. I'm Wade. Are we doing the whole thing? No. That's the episode. Thanks for coming, everybody. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
because and i'm about to let it up again because it replaces your calcium and it'll replace it in your teeth so you'll have teeth made of lead so wait if you have lead teeth do you drink bullets to build strong bones uh eventually yeah there's a crossover point where you get so much lead in you actually become lead based and then you're a new form of life but you can't be applied to the walls of new construction
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But you do want your lids and teeth, your bones and teeth to be malleable, right? I do, anyway. Did I explain what the council, not really. Once a year, approximately, whatever we so choose, we get together. We do have a constitution. Well, how many people, how many listeners and watchers do you think are aware of the constitution? The ones that aren't like me that blocked it out. So 10 of them.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Don't worry, because I fed the Constitution into AI, so now it's going to be perfect. Oh, I thought we were going to have Baltimore read it. No, the AI is not going to read it. The AI just gave me a summary of it so I know what's happening. So there are already several rules that we did not follow, but that's fine because it doesn't matter because no one cares. Thank God.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Apparently there's supposed to be a trophy for the winner of the boat episode. Did we even have a winner of the boat episode? Yeah. Apparently the winner of the boat episode has a constitutional right to sink the boat if they so choose. I don't know what the hell kind of unhinged psychopaths wrote this constitution, but apparently here I will go. I will go to the text.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Isn't the boat supposed to get bigger every year? This gets more and more expensive. Yeah, well, yeah, okay. Apparently there are no losers of a tribunal episode, which is this one. Of a tribunal. A boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A boat champion is to be declared at the end of the boat episode. They shall receive a boat trophy and the right to sink the boat if they so choose.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I can see that happening, yeah. Well, if we were going to ever sink a boat from the boat episode, we should have really done it with the RC boat. Because I think going forward, it's only going to get more expensive and worse. Or we could do it on a submarine. Then sinking the boat would just be more fun. Unless we're still on it. No, it's fun. Submarines are allowed to go under there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How do we get the footage to the surface? They come back up. Not if we sink it. Same. You and me weighed the same. I like it, therefore. Hey, noose. Sorry, I thought we were finishing each other's sentences. Also, I know that this is probably going to be inaccurate, but I did go through the episodes this season so far. So we're supposed to declare a season champion, right?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, we did last season. But the season ends in... Yeah, it doesn't end for a little bit still. Does this officially mark the end? No. I mean, it's whatever we say it is. Who won last season? You did. Yeah, you did. By a lot. Oh, so I was the reigning champion. I knew that. Yeah, you're the reigning champion. The current wins for this season stand at Mark with 28, Wade with 30, and me with 32.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Jesus Christ. But that's also... There may have been... Because sometimes when we host, we do sneaky things like steal wins from each other or give ourselves pity wins. I didn't double check all that. So...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
didn't one of us lose like six wins or something this year that was in a previous season that was the score at the end of the last season mark had like 12 less wins than both of us it was like wade wins with 31 bob has 30 mark has 10 wins and that was yeah i'm sure that was very fair it does say the winner the championship of the season is supposed to get a trophy i'll buy my own trophy if i remember but one of you can buy mine while you're at it i'm too lazy yeah you're assuming you're gonna win
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I won last season. Yeah, well, it is tight. Every episode from here on out. Mark can win five in a row, right? Oh, yeah. You have three episodes to win four times. It's probably doable. I got this. Should we all just put all of our wins in a pot and bet them against each other? Ooh. You can go to your local shop and buy a distractible pot right now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Um, should we just go through line by line, decide what's a good rule, what's a bad rule, what needs to be changed? It's kind of what I was imagining. I'm sure there's some stuff we're going to want to get out of here. What if we just say they're all bad rules and we move on?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
i'm honestly i'm open to that no i'm not open to that there has been some good changes you and me mark same uh what's your opinion on this same same but wait mark said he agreed with me earlier so therefore same same same same all right but we have to vote but i think that's in the constitution that we have to vote i don't know who pays attention to those things anymore the most interesting thing i think is actually the first item
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If it wasn't clear from the title, which a lot of you might have no idea what that title means, this is Council of Distractible Part 2. We've done this before. We did film the boat episode as required back in June of 2024. It's almost exactly a year ago we did the previous council. It's time to think back. It's time to sort out some business.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What text do you have in front of you? Because I have a Google Doc here that I stole from the subreddit. I have some from the subreddit, but it's like a weathered image of paper, black text on that. It's not a Google Doc. It's probably close enough. We don't need to unify these. This is fine. I have the AWOL Nation Hollow Moon music video in front of me.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It's good that we're all paying equal attention. Mark, what's interesting? All right. So there's text that says winner can't be decided by coin flip or a wheel spin as the primary determination. It says there needs to be a second step verification in the form of a wheel. So this is contradictory because it's like it can't be decided only by a wheel. It must be decided by not a wheel and a wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think that was just poor phrasing by whoever in our community wrote that down. The point was it can't be decided firstly by chance by a wheel or coin flip, but the backup when there's a tie is then you go to the wheel. I see. Okay. All right. Yeah. We can't just be like, um, I don't want to keep track of points. So the winner gets a wheel, zero points. No one got any points. We'll spin.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But there's nothing in this constitution that I'm seeing that says you need to raise the percentage each time. I think we made that up. I, honest to God, think that we did the wheel spin once and we were like, well, let's make this interesting, guys. I think specifically Mark wanted to raise the percentage and you and I were like, I don't want to host a one-man show. I don't want to do that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, what's fascinating to me is we just did a 12, right? Yeah. It started at six and it's gone up two each time. We've spun it many times. It should be way more than 12. I've had one or two ties. One, obviously one at least. I think we are missing a couple. but I think it should be like 16 or 18. It's not like a ton more, but, you know.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'm just saying I've got my red flag here, and I'm about to throw it that I don't have to do this one-man show because statistically it should have been someone else before me. Wait, because you should have had a higher chance of doing it? But it would have been higher for all of your tries of doing it, too. I'm not saying that. I'm saying fate would have changed. Butterfly effect flaps its wings.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
This is the council episode, therefore all old red flags are now gone because we're starting fresh. I don't know if that's in the Constitution. I vote we put that in the Constitution. I agree. That's a majority vote. No, red flags reset at the end of the season. Oh, no way. No, it doesn't. God, okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, no, this is a poorly thought out document.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We have a lot of work to do to figure out what the hell is going on with all of this stuff. All right, okay, all right. Whoever came up with this is three idiots. The thing is, we're a lot like the U.S. government right now. There's no checks and balances here. It's just one guy breaking into, say, the treasury with his cronies and just, you know, yanking cables, deleting data, stealing data.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Imagine if that was how things were, and that's how we are right now. We need oversight. We need someone else to guarantee us, and it's got to be the community. They have to have some method. I was thinking we've had a hard fought season under the iron fist of the constitution. I was thinking we would relax some stuff. Maybe we cash it out. Apparently we did. We didn't follow any of the rules.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, that is one of the key tenants of our entire constitution is if we don't remember what the rules are, we don't follow them for any reason. There's no recourse because who cares? Something like that. Oh, thank God. I've never once cared about the Constitution, so I'm glad. Article 3. Yeah, that's the only thing in Article 3 of our Constitution.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All right, well, everyone agrees then, so no points assigned. Wet sock, limp handshake, or a dull person? Is it a phrase we should bring back? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not a particularly striking phrase, but I guess it makes sense. I'm not opposed to it being a thing. I wouldn't use it. I don't think it's that exciting.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I wouldn't care if it came back, but I also don't think it's like, oh, yeah, we need that.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
What's a firm handshake, then? If a soft, floppy handshake is a wet sock, what's a firm handshake? Like a starched thong? Starched thong. What's a starched thong you have there? Crusty britches. Maybe we'll find out. Maybe it's in here. Wide tie? Wide tie, dude!
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
we're gonna move on this episode of distractible is brought to you by marvel television's all-new series daredevil born again premiering on disney plus march 4th 6 p.m pacific 9 p.m eastern get ready for matt murdoch the one who's daredevil by the way and vincent inofrio to face off when their past identities emerge to place them on an inevitable collision course boys i am pretty excited for this one
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I've always loved watching these characters. I'm super excited to see them again. I'm excited that they've got a new series coming out. Trailers, it's hard to tell sometimes. I watched the trailer for this. It made me want to watch. It brought me in and I was like, no, you're right. I have missed Daredevil. It's coming back.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
so many trailers give away everything but i felt like this one didn't i don't know i felt properly teased like a trailer supposed to do it's like i saw things i wanted to see i have questions i want answered if i had all of the senses that daredevil has i would definitely be an athlete still i don't know if you've seen those videos where baseball players i think most of them are probably scripted but it wouldn't be for me they're like doing an interview and they just like turn around and grab a ball that they had no idea was coming at them
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I would want to be one of the football guys who do the exact same thing where they're like standing there and there's like a punt or something or just a huge long pass and they're just like... Oh, man. Imagine if I had super hearing. I'd be able to hear everything, especially the people who are hiding in my walls. I know they're there.
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At the end, when you... I forget if you sit up or it just reveals your face and you're all... Whoa.
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I just need to be able to hear them and pinpoint their location so that I can find them. They're committing a crime. Just because Daredevil can fight crime by hearing enemies doesn't mean I can't either. So I'm going to do exactly that. And you can do exactly checking out the series on Disney Plus, March 4th, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.
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That was Super Sense Life, brought to you by Daredevil Born Again, streaming March 4th on Disney+. The devil's work is never done. Will chaos reign when Daredevil and Kingpin meet again? Find out on March 4th on Disney+. Okay, nothing happened. So I get to do this the way I was originally intending. So Mark gets to go first this time. What is happy cabbage? That's another word for weed.
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That's very crinkly. What you doing, bud? I have another coin here that I bought.
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I haven't upgraded my camera in a while, but I shouldn't. You do. It's an A7S III. Why is it getting worse? I'm still using an A7R II. That's the one I bought from you, actually. I think I have a Sony... Is it an AX700 or something? It's a camcorder. Anyway. Does this. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. OK, I just pulled my mount off my desk. It's fine. It's just wobbly. Bob, what is happy cabbage?
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Happy cabbage. Yeah, well, that's probably a British one because theirs are always stupid. That's probably like what they call soccer balls. Cause they call things complete nonsense and they love football. And if football is vaguely the size and shape of a cabbage, so that's probably their happy cabbage. Go out and kick around the old happy cabbage. Yeah.
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Dude, all those bits, I was so sure you were going to die. And then in the pool, is that the same video? Same video. Push me in the pool when I'm in that thing.
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Uh, happy cabbage is a sizable amount of money to be spent on self satisfying things. It doesn't. I mean, I guess if you win the lottery or something, or like you win a, you want to sweepstakes or that just seems like a phrase that wouldn't need to exist. Yeah.
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or waste or i don't know actually never shut up me shut up mark fuck you man stop ruining the podcast mark i was really trying to come with you but i don't think i've ever heard that me oh yeah i never want to hear you talk again me i don't like how mean you are to mark mark well maybe he deserves it I don't think he deserves it. Look how upset he is. I'm so upset. Always faking it.
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Well, you would know. Bobby, we're to you. We passed the cabbage. Now we're going on to the next one. Tell me what is pangwangle. That's actually not as old as it sounds. Benedict Cumberbatch took another run at saying penguins, and all he could get to was pangwangles. I feel like you're Gilbert Godfrey on Hollywood Squares right now with your answers. I know this one!
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but yeah no that's Pangwangles was they like like eight hours in the booth and that was Pangwangles was the next best thing they could get out of Benedict Cumberbatch for the for the nature documentary how bad was that Gilbert Godfrey impression by the way not bad it was pretty good it was fine for an out of the blue like I've never heard you do Gilbert Godfrey before I've never tried that is literally my first ever attempt at it obviously recognizable which is a success
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What was your answer again? I got so distracted by what transpired. That's what the penguin calls his penis in the Batman films. Penguin calls penis and then somehow Benedict Cumberbatch. Benedict Cumberbatch watches.
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And, you know, do the pangwangle. Would it change either of your answers if I told you pang was spelled P-A-N-G? Never. Gotta tell you, you're both wrong. Again. Pangwangle is to live or go along cheerfully in spite of minor misfortunes. No, it's not. Yeah, no, that's not right. That's not right. That can't be right. That's awful.
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privilege and then check your answers fair enough mark tell me what is in the ketchup can you use it in a sentence give it the language of origin i feel like if i do i might give away the meaning oh then do it no
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I love it. It was fine. You were fine. It was great. Those are good times. Pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. So many good moments from that. Yeah, you can't put people in pools and coffins now. I forget what they're called. What are those bouncy ball things called? The one where you kicked Ethan in the nuts real good. Zorb balls or something?
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Ah, in the ketchup. If you have someone to phone, you know what? Go for it. You can each phone someone. I don't care. In the ketchup, there was a spooky ghost.
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uh it's fucking i don't know um it means being stuck or something because like a ketchup bottle is hard to get out sometimes maybe okay being stuck or otherwise hard to get out something okay bob i am pretty sure that this is what doctors on the maternity ward call it when they're delivering a baby damn it
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Like the phone rings in the corner and then one of the nurses answers like, doctor, it's your significant other. And the doctor's like, nah, tell him I'm in the ketchup. Call him in a minute. I'm not going to ask you to clarify any further. I think I understand.
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In the ketchup means in the red or operating at a deficit. That's awful. I don't think that's right, actually.
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Do you have any more info about that? What is that from? No, this is the website is Mental Floss. Article is 83 old slang phrases we should bring back, which you guys definitely shouldn't open and cheat. They're in favor of bringing all these back? This is what they picked for phrases they miss from being in the lexicon? Yes. Well, I question that pretty deeply, but OK.
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Next, I think, Bob, you're first again. Oh, good. Flub the dub. What does it mean to flub the dub? This is actually from White House archives. This is staff in the White House, which didn't exist at the time period I'm about to reference. Overheard Martha Washington saying before she went into the bedroom one night when George Washington was feeling particularly frisky.
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oh god damn it and a little known fact george washington actually had people refer to him as the dub yeah because that's where george bush got it from hey anyone that has george w in their name should be called the dub that was a historical reference why he went by w yeah he's actually much smarter than people give him credit for so all george w's are they all are yep every one of them every last one of them
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Mark, what's your interpretation of flub the dub? Um, pass. Oh, that means I get it. No, to pass. Pass. Oh, like you're passing the rock? Like you're saying, give me the ball? No. Or you're saying to not participate is to flub the dub?
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the nut kick is funny but I love that one more because of Ethan's saga of trying to get his thing inflated because he like took it to the store and had the guy inflate it but then it went in his car and he was like so I deflated it and then I brought it over here that's very funny where can we find these videos they're everywhere you don't have to look very far I'm suing as fast as I can.
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Any of the above? None of the above. Flub the dub means to evade one's duty. Very not George Washington like.
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I don't know, man. Not that I haven't been trying my best. I'm going to get the next one correct. I have faith in you, but Mark gets the first shot at it. That's fine. It'll give me a direction. Mark, what is meant by the phrase a pine overcoat? I know this one. I know this one! I know this one! How was my gun read? Was that pretty good?
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Editors, make it seem like I sent him to voicemail. editors i'm sorry that we are the podcast you edit for uh well i've forgotten entirely what you said what did you say pine overcoat pine overcoat ah straight jacket bob uh and of course that's incorrect because a pine overcoat is a coffin give somebody a pine overcoat when you when you kill them and then they go into a pine pine box pine coffin
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that's correct yeah i told you i was gonna get that one right that's good yeah that actually yeah that makes a lot of sense pine overcoat it is a coffin should we bring it back i don't hate that one i just don't have a lot of uses for slang for coffins but like you know maybe i mean if there's more duels going on which who knows maybe we'll get there someday could happen could happen um bob i think you're gonna go two for two i think you've got this one all right
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What is meant by the phrase a butter and egg man? Oh, yeah, I know that. Yeah, that's why I'm so enthusiastic. I will tell you both. This one is so oddly specific. So oddly specific. This is referring to a gentleman who is, of course, doing the keto diet. And so thusly is not eating the toast, but he is eating the butter and the egg. Which came first, the butter or the egg? Definitely the butter.
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Okay. Mark, what is a butter and egg man? A frilly Nancy. A poncy nonce. I'm right. What is that? It's a butter and egg man. According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, a butter and egg man refers to a wealthy but unsophisticated small town businessman who acts like a playboy when he visits the big city. A poncy nonce? I think I'm right on that. I think this might be the first one I get right.
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I think I might actually be right about that. How do you spell that? P-O-N-C-Y-N-O-N-C-E. Aponsinance. I don't know. It just sounds like it should be right, right? That's what I was thinking of when I was like, that's a fucking freely fancy man, you know? But an idiot in a bad, negative way. a poncy is an overly fancy pretentious or affected person and a nonce wait is a sex offender
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particularly implies that they are a pedophile i have different definitions for it i don't know what definition that's the first one i got to maybe let's not no i mean that might be i don't know what the fuck google what are we doing i don't know but i don't like this phrase anymore
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You know, Mark, that might be, for what you've said multiple times, that might be the last point you ever get, so I'll give you one, sure. I think that's the only point I've ever gotten. I don't know if I'll see much more of you after this episode, so... Yeah, that's all right. You've earned the right to answer this next question first, then.
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Wait, can I just say, I think you did earn that mark, because if you dig super, super, super, super deep, the fifth definition that I found, after the other ones that we've talked about already, is... that a nonce might just be a stupid or otherwise worthless person. If we go with that one, it's a fancy, affected person who is worthless.
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A wealthy but unsophisticated small-town businessman who acts like a playboy when he visits the big city. Unsophisticated. See? Stupid. But we all know wealthy determines your worth. You already gave him the point, so it doesn't really mean very much, but I'm just saying I feel good about that. I feel strong about that. That was a good one, Mark. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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bob you know this one i know this one the mouse is referring to a mouse under your eye and if you if you're going to cop a mouse they're threatening to punch you in the face okay cop a mouse is a victorian error phrase that means get a black eye oh because that's that's the thing you get when you get a black eye it's you get a mouse under your eye I honestly, I didn't think it was Victorian.
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You better be careful. You're going to get into his list. Especially from Canada in the 50s. You're going to cop a mouse, eh? Give me a plate of poutine, eh? What's that one mean? I think it means the man would like a plate of French fries with gravy and cheese curds on it. Okay. That's not slang. That's just straightforward. Don't give him a point for that. Don't give him a point.
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I don't think there's a second meaning to that. If there is, it's awful because it's something sexual and terrible. Definitely don't want to know about. Bob was meant by the phrase. Don't sell me a dog. Funny enough. It's a phrase invented and used a lot by salespeople that especially salespeople who sold dogs. That's how they would break the ice with people.
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Come up, knock on the door, whatever, carrying their briefcase full of dogs. And the person is like, ah, we don't need any. And the guy's like, Hey, don't sell me a dog. Have I got something to show you? And then he starts pulling different puppies out of his little leather briefcase. And, uh, Yeah, it's weird, but I'm pretty sure that's it. An icebreaker to sell dogs. Okay. Or other stuff.
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This is... Don't set me up on a blind date with some rascal. Don't sell me a dog. Don't sell me a dog. It actually just means don't lie to me. Same thing. Judges?
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I got one eye. He knows this one. Bob, you agree? I'm not a judge. I have no authority here. You're both judges. Don't sell me a dog. Well played. I don't know if that counts as lying. Don't set me up with a rascal. I have so few points, man. I got so few points. I got, like, no points.
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I was going to say, Bob's gotten one correct. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's right. Hey, I think I got two correct, actually, but... I'm trying to sell him a dog.
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I'm pretty sure Cop-O-Mouse is the only one you've gotten correct so far. Didn't I also get the other one? Oh, Pine Overcoat. You did get Pine Overcoat. Yeah, I know all the violent ones. Mark does look a little bit worse for you now that he got Pine Overcoat. Okay, fuck. I'm glad we rehashed what points were what. Did you just not write that down? I did.
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It just wasn't very clearly written, so I had to rewrite it because the point was there. The writing was not. Mark, what is meant by the phrase fly rink? Um...
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it's someone who what visual studios installing that's oddly specific it's someone who installs visual studios okay no that's not it i'm either getting some intense malware right now and there's someone cut about the back into my thing or oh have you seen my fat peepee
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You could cut a grub with that one. Now, cut a grub is a slang phrase that I don't know what that means.
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interesting combo you can just give me the point you can just give it to me yeah you like it's over i might i might but i'm gonna give bob a chance here first all right no this one actually comes from as a car guy i know this one actually this comes from uh old cars were real simple and you know the old ford uh flat six used to have just one belt on the front for the accessory drive.
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And this is actually kind of an onomatopoeia because when the belt would flip off the Ford, it would kind of just flip off. It would break the fan and cause bright. And it would, it sounded when it happened, it would go fly. And so fly rink turned into kind of a saying for like, ah, and you fucked everything up. You know, that's a real fly rink. Good guesses, boys.
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I'm slightly offended that you guys don't know this one, being as I'm right here in front of you, but a fly rink is a bald head. It's a bald head. Flies just skate around. Does that happen? All the time, man. Sometimes they'll come as a couple and they'll be holding little proboscises while they skate around my head. Proboscises? Proboscises? Proboscises? Proboscises? Probasco sauce. Probascis.
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I got a couple more here I'm going to do. We've gotten through like 10 out of like 80 of these, which is good. It means I can come back to this. Of course, yeah. In the meantime, though, I want you to tell me what is, Bob, I think you're first this time. What is a nosebagger? It's actually a term or a thing that most normies aren't aware of, but it's kind of an industrial revolution era.
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thing the wealthy people during the industrial revolution would actually have a person on their staff at their house and maybe at work they went to work a lot whose entire job was to capture a mucus and stuff that came out of their nose and mouth they would nose bag them because they actually then they would send that off to the doctor and the doctor um it was believed if you made a tincture tincture
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with your own mucus, that that would have healing properties and also might be an aphrodisiac. And so rich people would have nosebaggers capture all their gunk and then drink it later on in a bottle of doctor juice. Sounds delicious. Mark, what's your guess? I don't want to guess anymore.
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Is that all it is? You're gonna laugh. A nosebagger is someone who takes a day trip to the beach, who brings his own provisions and doesn't contribute at all to the resort he's visiting.
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Bob, I'm going to give you a bonus point. I'm glad we have a word for that. A segue, because the next one that Mark gets to go first on is, Mark, what is the phrase, not up to dick? Not, wait, what? Not up to dick. Not up the dick is not the phrase. Not up the dick is not the phrase. Not up to dick. Not up the dick! I know what that means. Yeah, I know. Not up to dick. Ugh. I'll give you a hint.
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It is not referring to your height. Thank you? Not you specifically, but... Okay, all right, man. You didn't have to give me a hint. You didn't have to. That was a mean hint. I know what you look at when you hang out with Bob and I, so I just didn't want you to think in that. Alright, man. You're up to dick to me. Oh, yeah, you're way up to dick, Mark. You're past dick.
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Alright, you guys, you can stop anytime. Or just be nice. Hey, you can pat me on the fly ring for luck.
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I'd rather you be cop-based than us going to Russia every time. So at least we're in the U.S. this time. Bob, what is not up to Dick? Funny enough, this is actually another White House one, but it's much more modern. This comes from the George W. Bush White House. Famously, his vice president was Dick Cheney. And at any given day coming out of the Oval Office, you could hear old W. Whalen.
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that's not up to dick i'm the president that's not that's not up to dick and that became like a saying where it was like yeah sure buddy sure you're in charge sure i'm a fine dick and i'm gonna tell him uh yeah that's the old w actually that's the new w the old w's yeah if something or someone was not up to dick it was not healthy i don't get that one i don't get it yeah what arrow was that made
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I don't have more info on that one. Okay, alright. Did you just type into chat, GPT, come up with some random bullshit slang and make it seem like it's real? I did not. Bob, I think you're first this time. What is meant by the phrase or words, saucebox? I think we all know what that means. It's from that pickup line.
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In the club, you walk up to the ladies and you just go, hey, get a swimmer out in your saucebox. That either works or it doesn't. But man, when it works.
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Hey baby, can I swim in your sauce box? Hey baby, I got my french fry. Can you show me your sauce box? Yeah, I'm into ketchup or whatever the other one was. Mark, what is a sauce box? I'm guessing this is the, uh, when you're going up in the drive-thru, you're talking to the box, the actual speaker box. The old-timey drive-thru. Yeah, that's the sauce box.
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Well, they had drive-thrus in the old times. I remember when the Flintstones went to McDonald's. Are these from the Flintstone era slang? I don't know. I don't have much information on this one, if I'm being honest with you. You could be right. However, your mouth is your sauce box. That's pretty close to what I was getting at. So Bob got it. Yeah, Bob got it. Yeah, I was pretty close.
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Yeah, sure, man. I'll give you the point. Can I swim in your sauce box? I guess that's slightly, you know, it could just be making out, you know. Or other things. Swim around in your sauce box. I mean, your mouth. That's the beauty of sauce box. It means whatever the listener thinks it means, because it could be lots of stuff.
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It's like four inches cubed, right? But to be able to do five-axis at an accessible rate, like you can still build a lot of stuff very small stuff yeah well yeah but a lot of small stuff but it opens up the world of precision machining like that i've never had any access to because if i were to buy a large machine and i could right i could are you rich or something what do you mean you could
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You have to yell whisper it just like that, though, because it's very reassuring. If you could do a Gilbert Gottfried, it's most effective as Gilbert Gottfried. I just keep hearing the, I know this one, like on repeat. You guys have all seen the episode where he's like said you fool like a hundred times where like just nobody could get the answer.
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He was the last square in Hollywood squares and everyone kept having to go to him and they would get it wrong. So be like, you fool! It's on repeat. It's so good. It's like five or six minutes worth your time. Don't recall that one. Mark, to you, I think we'll do two more then we'll call it. Oh man, my ego is not thriving on this episode. Oh, okay. Maybe this will be the last one.
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I kind of like this one. I'll even make this simple. There are four different answers you guys could give that would be correct for this. What is a pretzel bender?
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There's this big battle of, like, fire and water and air. And then you've got a guy holding dough going... Not with his hands, stupid. Yeah, it's still bending. It's impressive.
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There's a lot of elements to it. Pretzels involve boiling water and lye, I think. It's actually... That's what the avatar really is, is the pretzel bender bringing all of it together. Even if the pretzel was fully baked, it was a pretzel stick, and the pretzel bender had to physically touch it and just bent it into the classical pretzel shape. But without breaking it.
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And he could take hard little twisted ones and straighten them out. Honestly, if someone did come up to me with a thick stick pretzel and they just went, watch...
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I don't think I'd be okay after that. That would be pretty wild. Bob, what is a pretzel bender? This is actually really cute, I'm thinking. I'm thinking this is really cute. It's cutesy. It comes from Germany. Because in America, we would just call this a fender bender. But Germans love them pretzels. And so they, you know, if you can't get your hands on a shiny chrome bumper for your car...
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Maybe you just cook a big pretzel and you just have that on there. And then if you get in a little accident when you're driving around here. Oops. That's a sign pretzel bender. Oh, nine. Oh, nine. A pretzel bender. They have a pretzel bender. Caused. Thought. No, I can't remember the word for. You know what I'm getting at. It's German. They call pretzels pretzels. I'm pretty sure.
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Comes right out of their sauce box. Hell of a trick. Oh, you mean mouth. um i think i gotta give the point to mark on this one oh you don't have to pretzel bender can mean a player of the french horn a wrestler obviously a heavy drinker or a peculiar person and let me tell you that's pretty peculiar it was a wide target just barely clipped it i think i made it though
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Look at me now. We're going to do one final one because I just want to do this one. Bob, you're first. What is meant by the phrase, pump the swag? Pump the swag. I don't want to get censored again, man. Just give me a sec. Hang on. Oh, no. Come on. Go for it. No, this is a slang term coined by people who are on the professional convention tour. It's not the people who are attending the convention.
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It's like the people who run them. They set the booths up and that sort of stuff. They're like carnies, but for conventions. When they see someone who's just really loading up on the swag, because there's always gift bags and stuff. This guy looks humped at swag. Yeah, I knew he was going to do that. Okay. Mark, hump the swag.
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i could i could you could don't pretend like i could i can and you can't it's not about me hey don't flip this on me it's about you you can you could if a toucan you can that doesn't mean i can you got all that car money you've been saving up you got plenty for cncs over there i do i do i am sitting on some car money but investing it in car stocks instead
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Do you ever get one of those Ryobi folding workbench dolly things, Mark? Those are out there now. Oh, I really want to. It's so cool. I like that, but I haven't got one. I don't know, Mark. If you're not going to give me an answer, you clearly can't win the locked in point. No, I'm doing humping the swag right now. I'm avoiding a situation and going to my favorite consumerist hobby.
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Thank you, Ryobi. Pumping the swag means to carry your luggage on your back. Yeah, that actually kind of makes sense. What bonus star are we adding to the bonus stars? I like the most censored. The most censored. You know, that kind of favors Bob, but I also like it. So yeah, sure. Let's go for it. All right. The most censored to this episode is officially added. How many are we doing? Three.
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Oh, shit. This is my chance. You guys ready? Yep. Let's do it. One. oh no yes yes yes ate the most how many cough drops how many how many more cough drops do i have to eat to catch up to that it's a very large bowl it's a very large i have a family-sized bag i just opened i don't know if that even that would be enough but oh god please
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i cannot believe i can't believe that fucking came up that's ridiculous he was preparing for this from the intro i love this wheel i love this wheel loves me all right all right all right spin it again Is that me? That one's going to have to be reserved. That's got to be me. It's got to be me. Unless you know how many points we have, Wade. If you do, you just silently add that.
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But otherwise, I think maybe you're going to have to hold on to that until you start tallying up here. Third spin, baby. Oh, got the biggest laugh. This one might be kind of tied to what's censored the most. I think this one goes to Bob. Sad to say. I had some jokes, but I don't think I had as good ones. You had some good. Honestly, I don't think I was definitively funnier than you.
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You had some very funny stuff this time. Let me go through the points. Bob, you got points for... Ever fall down the stairs. Rin near fall. Pine overcoat. No, it's not! Don't remember what that's for. Wait, what? Cop a mouse. Bad joke. What a dick. Saucebox. Oh, you meant mouth. You got two points for that because you got one for the funny and biggest laugh. All right.
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Mark, you got points for we are rich. CNC. Shut up, Mark. Ryobi, Ponsenance, what visual studio? That was pretty funny when that happened. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ate the most on stream, and then you also got the point for being a loser, which brought you to nine points. Bob finished with 11. Oh.
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Which means if that last spin hadn't been biggest laugh, if it had gone to Mark somehow, it would have been a tie.
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You were down by three and the wheel got you back within one until that final spin. Oh, so close. The wheel is really quite the development in technology for us. I love this. The odds of it also hitting three whenever I was doing... So I was trying to do a D3, and it wasn't working. It was giving me a D4. So it was like, four, four. I was like, that's not a D3.
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I finally got the D3 thing to work, and then it ended up being three, and I was like, well, that's going to be crazy if that helps Mark, because I knew he was behind a little bit, but man. Mark, do you want to deliver your loser speech?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
And I will win next time. Bob, winner speech. Oh, sure. Just think how many points I could add this episode if everything I said was allowed to be aired publicly. I mean, I pretty much killed it today. I feel pretty strong about my performance. I really went out there, gave 110%. And, you know, we played as a team. And you really got to just do one play at a time, you know.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You do. Great work, competitors. I hope you all enjoyed. Listeners and watchers, I hope you enjoyed as well. If you haven't already, go follow MarketMarkiplier, Bob at MySkirm. I'm Minion77 or Minion777. Let's end this train wreck before it gets worse. Podcast out.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Now, hold on. If you make a YouTube channel or Twitch channel, you're instantly famous and rich. If you buy a CNC machine, the same thing should be true. Yeah, well, for me. And for you. You privileged bastard, you. You handsome host! What'd I get? I was born this way. Mark, I'll give you a bonus point if you can tell me what CNC stands for. Oh! Computer Numerical Control! He was just reading.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
What did you look at? No, I didn't leave that. No, I was looking at my soup. Bob, do you want to... We have a thing for this. I don't do that yet. Oh, okay. Anyway, XHorse3D, please. I know there's a bunch of CNC YouTubers out there that actually have audiences. Hey, what about me? Look at this guy here. Mark will start a CNC YouTube channel. You want funny CNC stuff, right?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I'll make all the four-inch dicks that I possibly can. Actually, if you have a diagonal in the cube, it's probably going to be a little longer. Yeah, just need a thin tip. You could make a dildo or a pickle. You could make them both. A dill pickle, that's already a thing. You could make a dill pickle. Is that what that stands for? Is that why those taste the way they taste? Yeah, the lube.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
hello everyone welcome back to another episode of distractible i'm today's host wade why because i ended up winning one of the craziest finishes in distractible history if you haven't watched it you should go back and do that joined as always by my co-host mark and bob hey guys hello how goes things pretty good yeah pretty good mark i can't help but notice that you seem occupied over there why why yeah i have a job what of it
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I did not. I never put that together. So, ooh, ah, ee. According to Gemini...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
That is. It'd be really thin, but hey, that's a respectable. We always love when six and nine are together, even with a point in between. Speaking of a point in between. Yeah, you got your bonus point for CNC. All right. Bob, I do have a follow up question for you, though. Why did you ask about falling down the stairs? We went into like a side tangent, but actually literally no reason.
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Right In The Sauce Box
You know what it is? It was on my mind because Rin was leaving the house yesterday and it's been snowy and icy and we have a doorbell camera and she almost just ate it down our front step. But it was one of those where it was like,
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
but there's a handrail and she caught the handrail and just walked away but i got i looked at the clip and i was like man that would have been so funny almost had a whole episode's worth of content right there oh and then i considered throwing myself down the stairs on the doorbell cam just to see if it would but i was like nah it's probably not worth it we'll see maybe i'll get desperate if i ever win again i'll have to host an episode and then i'll be really desperate so
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
We'll go back and see the footage of you, like, pouring water on the steps to hoping it would freeze so people will slow down. Like, I need footage. Need content. Well, good stuff, gentlemen. Good stuff. I don't have anything that interesting. I mean, I've got my Spotify award still nearby. Thank you, Spotify, for that, by the way. I don't know if I said thank you last time, but I don't know.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I still think that's kind of cool that people somehow listen to and or watch this podcast, which... Anything else you boys want to go over or else I can dive right in. I've got a fun episode. I mean, look, all the all the funny news stories are really dry this season.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
So, you know, once that well starts turning again, we'll oh, all the funnies will fly. Yeah, I just try to see if there's anything interesting going on and the first couple things I see are murder and social security. Those are always hilarious topics, but I think I'll dodge them. Today's episode, we're going to have a throwback to when times had more headlines.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
We're going to have a bit of a throwback to when people did fall down the stairs because there weren't handrails yet. We're going to go back to a time that is very unspecific, but a time when they were old slang phrases that I don't know that I've heard of. Not many of them. Maybe you guys have heard of them.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
So we're going to go through this list and I'm going to have you guys give me what you think each of these means. Whoever gets the most right will probably earn the most points. We'll decide as a group if we should bring the phrases back or not. I can't tell if I'm never going to have heard a single one of these or if this is about to be a bunch of stuff where Wade's like, what does this mean?
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Right In The Sauce Box
And then I'm like, a couple of them sound familiar to me, but a lot of them don't. Maybe some of the early ones you guys will know, but only one way to find out. How do we determine who went first last time? Was it a good old coin flip? That's what Mark did, but you can...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
choose man no that seems fair i like coins we'll do it which one of you wants to be heads i got a pretty big coin heads tails i'll do the flip land of the palm show thing i want to be the tail side my hair is kind of like george washington's right now okay so this will be mark this will be bob what in the flip what was that I guess I win.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Kind of looked like he flipped it around in his hand as he was trying to catch it or whatever, but... Yeah, what kind of... No, I caught it, and it, like, bounced, and I had to re-catch it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's so big for my tiny six-foot-four long hands. What do you mean? You just take it, and you go... And it flips! Look.
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Right In The Sauce Box
All the listeners out there, what he's doing is he has the coin in his palm. He doesn't flip it with his thumb or anything. He just kind of chucks it up. It spins twice. It goes down. I don't trust my thumb, so I flip it with my index. What's wrong? What has your thumb done to betray you? You flip it with your index? You didn't flip it at all. Not small coins, but this big one, yeah. You mean?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
As stated, I think you know what you're doing and why you're doing it. Oh, yeah. No ulterior motives here. Well, what's new? We usually open up with small talk, and I guess I will follow that continued trend. How goes things? What's new in your lives? What's going on in the world? I swear to God, I was just in the break.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
How do you? I mean, I guess I could, like. I just don't like that. Yeah, you could. You could. You're not getting that ping? It's like an M1 Garand. You know?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Mine doesn't ting at all. Mine is real gold, so it's just... I can't catch! That's a different problem. I don't believe in ghosts! Bob, tell me, what is meant by the phrase, wet sock? No, that's when your sock is wet. What do you mean?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
back in the olden days, before shoes, when it was just socks and then feet, and they'd go outside and it was wet, and you'd step in something and your sock gets wet, and the old-timey prostitutes would be like, oh, that's a wet sock! So the slang term went literally wet sock. It's definitely either that or the sock or other cloth garment that the family took turns jerking off into.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
The whole family? Yeah, well, times were tough, right? You didn't have enough resources for everyone to have their own sock or towel or whatever. So you take the oldest, most decrepit sock you got, and that's the wet sock. You just keep that set aside so that everyone knows that's the wet sock. Uh, fair enough. Mark, uh, do you have a guess as to what wet sock is? Is this for the steel?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Yeah, why did I go first? Just determine who went first. It doesn't give anyone an advantage or disadvantage. Just determine who went first.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Wait, was that not a bit? No. No, that was out of my mouth. He said it. He said it. That was out of my mouth before I realized it. All right, so you were complaining about me going first. I don't remember. I don't know. Well, it's Wade's choice. Wade, what is the result of this? All heads, all tails, or neutral? Okay, heads favors Mark. He chose heads before. You wanted tails, so...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
If it gets heads three times, I guess Mark gets a point. If it's tails three times, Bob gets a point. We'll just make it simple. All right. That's not very convoluted at all, but okay. It's not supposed to be convoluted. I want to go first. I want that to be. That's what I think is unfair. I should have gone first because his flipping was all unfair.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I demand if it's declared unfair, I get to go first. And if it's declared fair, I get to go first the entire rest of the episode. Yeah, that's it. So no, you guys don't want any points added to this.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I was just thinking of something, and I was like, that'll be really good small talk. Great. What was it? You ever fall downstairs? No. No? No? No. I've tripped going up the stairs before.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All heads, Mark gets to go first the rest of the time. All tails, Bob gets to go first the rest of the time. No, that wouldn't be fair. I just want to go. I want to go once. I get first once. Okay. First once or Bob gets it. the rest of the episode because that's doubly unfair that is doubly okay and if it's anything in between nothing changes yeah all right ready so it is decreed Tails.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Oh, two heads. Nothing happens. I was perfect. We'll move on. I got I got the lion. The lion is tails, man. I really should have looked at what was on this coin. It's confusing that neither of these is a head. It's just a lady and a lion. You did say last episode, lady heads. The lady has a head, but the lion has a head. Wait, did you flip your heads? What? Did you change your heads? No.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
The lion was always tails. My lion is tails. Lion has a tail. Lion has tails. Lady has a head. Lady has heads. It's just a stupid coin. I wish I'd done a better job finding my coin. I got so excited that it was stupid. You could still buy another one. You could buy another one. I know. I'm trying to buy less stuff from the internet. It's not working. Oh, wait. Okay. Buy a CNC. Mill your own coin.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Okay. Okay. Okay. Have a lady looking away his head and you put a lion's tail as the tail. I'm going to make a series of coins for each of the matchups. So I'll have one coin that's me and Mark, one coin that's me and Wade, and one coin that's Mark and Wade. And then that way I can flip the appropriate coin for whatever the situation is. That's incredibly fair.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All right, well, I'm going to talk to that company. What was it? Donkey 3D FX CNC. I think it was Wonky Donkey X. That was it. Yeah, you guys got it. What was that company, Mark? X Horse 3D. I knew it was something with hooves. Mark, what's a wet sock? Oh, it's a party pooper.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
okay there's a poopy party man or woman I may have to go to the judges for this one we may have to deliberate there's an or here so don't judge at me right away a wet sock is a limp handshake or in Australia specifically a dull person is a party pooper a dull person no I don't think so a party pooper is more of a specific like they're they're not just boring they are actively ruining the party because they are being a shitter
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, Mark was late to the recording today because he was working on this. I think I'm understanding why Iron Lung's taking a while. Damn. Look, guys, I'm not going to lie.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
It's found in the feet, right? Because that's why people hit the gas really hard. They have a lead foot.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Not the one that we're using for our connection. I don't think that's Fiber One. I think that's just regular. You know what? Was that quoting a commercial?
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Mark Prepared For This
Except lead. If you line it with lead, it resists the corrosion.
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Mark Prepared For This
Well, it is called asbestos, not as worstest, so maybe we should. When did we find out that lead was bad for us? Because I imagine that all of this stuff was done before we knew that lead was terrible. Because there was, like, lead-based paint.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Merrily. Real happy while she did it. I'm sick. Don't worry. Mary Curie. My favorite holiday. Marie Curie. My favorite planet. Marie Curie. Venus.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Well, they look like little condoms for like little stubby dicks. They've even got the little tip to hold the semen. What? I just searched comb jellies in one of the images.
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Mark Prepared For This
And I spelled jelly F-R-T. You know, you use two knives to scoop it out. Jelly.
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Mark Prepared For This
Do you think there's an anus museum where you just walk around and you see a whole bunch of different images of animals taking shits, and you can compare their anuses, like... Oh, interesting, interesting. That sphincter has six distinct ridges.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
No, no, no. Comb jellies live up to three years. My anus is older than that. That's weird to think about. Our anuses are older than any living comb jelly is known to me.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I don't know if I want to make the claim that I feel like a lot of buttholes look the same. If someone's like, wait, that's got to be Wade's butthole.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I don't want to think about it. They have those little like ridges and lines.
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Mark Prepared For This
I don't know. Imagine like the security where it's like instead of putting your hand against it, you have to put your butthole up against the wall. Little thing that juts out. It's like, ah, welcome, Wade.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
God damn it. I was trying to give an interesting fact, and it just led me to full fucking circle. I was like, I literally put in my search and it will never be out of my history. Animals with the most intricate anus. And number one is the fucking comb jelly. To stardom.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
But they describe it as the warty comb jelly. the hum the warty comb jelly has an anus that appears and disappears making an animal with an intricate anus is it like you know you played peekaboo and it's just like the scientist like where'd it go it's got one where'd it go soldier future soldier camouflage is based on the comb jelly's anus Man, how innovative is this anus?
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Uh, the giant California sea cucumber also has an intricate anus. It can breathe and eat through it. That's not that weird. Lots of things do that. The bombardier beetle can shoot a boiling mix of chemicals out of its anus. The marine worm remycelus multicudata has a body divided into a dozen branches, each ending in a butt. So it's got many butts? It's got a multi-butt? I guess so, yeah.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
If you have a butthole, do you automatically have butt cheeks? I don't think so.
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Mark Prepared For This
Every interesting butthole article I can find all goes back to the jelly. I don't like that sentence. The comb jelly, the comb jelly.
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Mark Prepared For This
it was so great i forgot oh i loved it so much did amy hit him with the casual thumbs down as you drove past him again no i didn't do that that would have been great but oh man you gotta give him the gladiator where you give him this one at first like oh oh it was so great i love that moment i'm too afraid to taunt drivers in ohio they buy real bullets here
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
California have all those avocado bullets and those, like, gluten-free bullets. Here, it's all pure grease and man. And man? Bullets made of man.
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Mark Prepared For This
He's right, you know, it is. I believe anything you all say. Anyway, all right, help.
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Mark Prepared For This
God, I love yes anding. Seven. Ooh, no but. You know what does have but? A warty comb jello fish. You all right? Jello fish.
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Mark Prepared For This
I have a fun fact for you. Rats, one pair of rats can produce 15,000 descendants a year. Damn.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
That's a lot of sex. Unless they have 5,000 babies per sex, but it's only three sex. I don't think so.
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Mark Prepared For This
I think it's simulated poop. Cool, cool. They get a bunch of jellyfish. Go on. They put them in a toilet. The jellyfish poop. And that's it. I don't want to watch. I would not watch. I've seen enough plumbing in my life. I don't need to see more.
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Mark Prepared For This
Scard, missing fur patches. Slightly glows in the dark. Anyone else? No. What? I don't know why that was so aggressive. It just came out that way.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm a good person. That gives Bob seven. I choose to give all my antagonizing points to me. I'm too selfish.
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Mark Prepared For This
Oh, it's the thing Mark's wanted to happen for a year now. What?
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Mark Prepared For This
Good thing we're ready for that, because we have to record another one right now.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm just watching Bob die every time he takes a sip of his drink.
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Mark Prepared For This
guys i've been reading oh i already told you that guys i've been playing video games and you'll never know it already been over that guys it finally warmed up in cincinnati and that's been really nice though i think it's gone again it's cold again today but we had like a day where it was almost 60 degrees it was almost 70 yesterday whoa
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
like 67 degrees outside it was amazing and despite that we still have a giant block of snow from where it was like shovel plowed like one big pile it's gone everywhere for this one stupid pile it's just still there that funny how that works
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
yeah it's also sad and tragic it's just snow man why is it tragic no because i'm so tired of so this is the most devastating thing you saw i'm so tired of snow ma'am i'm used to cincinnati we get like a dusting it lasts two days goes away i'm like you know that's good for me this like three weeks of snow has been awful and now that it's all melted there was like there was a square patch that we
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
shoveled of grass so the dog's in a place to go use the restroom now that the snow's melted it is green everywhere except this one patch looks like the fucking bone lands or whatever they're called in the lion king we're just like dead and brown and sad it's like man i guess dog urine and shit really isn't as good for the yard as i thought it was like oh they're watering the plants how nice of them it looks terrible it's the p you know p has ammonia in it plants don't like that
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Mark Prepared For This
The poop is good. You can tell the one square that they've been using because man, oh man, is the grass just not good there. Lot of piss.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
uh no it's probably like a good 12 by 4 section of grass 12 by 4 what feet put that in meters no but i will tell you this i went out there a couple times and i cleaned up the dog poop in that section so that way it wasn't just all a slab of shit there are muscles apparently that you use whenever you crouch and walk around in a crouched position that i told that story he said though yeah
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Mark Prepared For This
Don't say ice. You're on thin sunshine. I don't know. I mean, we've not been going out a whole lot because it's been shitty weather.
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Mark Prepared For This
No. I've been reading and playing games, doing stupid house. I mean, you want to hear about tax documents? It's that season. Nothing exciting and fun.
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Mark Prepared For This
No, I used one on a steak last week, though. What was it made out of? Well, it was in this wood block with a bunch of other handles, and I pulled one out, and I was like, yep, that's a knife, and I cut the steak, washed the knife, that was it.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I'm confused. You got a knife sharpener. You're using it on your sniper knife or your D2 knife. I scraped it once across there and I was like, it's probably already sharp. I don't need to ruin it with my... You broke the thing open, found the instructions. Uh-huh, yeah. And then you used the sharpener on other knives and those knives got sharper. I'm deducting a point for...
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
One. It was a shitty little whittling knife whenever I was whittling some, uh... Okay, what's that wood called? It's got like a pink core. Smells funny.
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Mark Prepared For This
Oh, man, I was a kid when I did it, so I don't remember. It was like a piece of wood that my grandpa gave me to whittle away at. And I was like, oh, that's cool. And I literally just did not do anything other than whittle it down to like the core. But like the end of it, it was like a piece of wood about it was not that thick.
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Mark Prepared For This
But the very middle of it was kind of like a purpley color and it had like a fun scent to it.
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Mark Prepared For This
But the knife needed sharpened at one point. So I got a sharpener and I sharpened the knife. I could continue to sharpen the wood.
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Mark Prepared For This
They sell guidebooks at even gas stations or convenience stores. Nah, I got this. I got the scroll. What do you mean? I don't need that. Yeah, you got the scroll, but you open it up and it's like all pictures. And it makes your tool last longer. It's called like a dick hardener or something. I think they call it Playboy.