Wade
Appearances
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
No, no, no, no. This is a baby howler monkey after the teat is pulled from its mouth and it's not done eating yet. No. You fool! Okay, yeah, you're right.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
You want some? You're also going to get the, oh man, you're also on the wheel for the eating.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I don't know if it's the sound. There is like a snorty noise they make at the beginning of that video, right?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
It's really hard to snort and then make a scream noise right through it.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
Yeah, so I forget the name of this animal, but I will describe it and you will know exactly what I'm talking about. But this is not a crocodile or an alligator. It's the longer, more needle-nosed one during sex.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
Listeners, imagine something terrifying making that noise that we will not describe in any more detail. Uh, right. Except for the fact that it's a bird with a blue face and a red... It's a cassowary.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I don't like the facial expression, but the sound was pretty good. Was that your dick, man? What was that?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
Do I have to compete at this point? Because I'm not going to get closer than that.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
i couldn't get the suction because i started laughing don't laugh you're gonna mess me up that's better well that's what i was trying to do but i started laughing so it just came out Or whatever the fuck it was. I heard... Stop laughing! Because I'm trying to picture a human doing that fucking bird face.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I want the point, but I'd have to agree. I think Bob beat me on that one.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
This is a bird that has seen war and is mimicking war. Oh, hold on. I got to play with my phone. It's so big. Can I vote we don't try to mimic that sound? I'll break my teeth. Well, don't do that. You don't have to do that. My mouth hurts.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
That was my armrests, and also at one point, one of them fully just went down, even though it shouldn't, without pressing the button, so I'm a little concerned.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I know this one. This is a parrot that sits in the kitchen and hears when the microwave is done. No, no, no. One more time, one more time. Okay.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
Baking powder, baking soda in your nose. Oh, wait, hold on. I'm trying to remember the scary movie cocaine quote. I don't remember it.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
body spasms he was trying to flop oh i am flopping i am flopping below the desk i want you to know there is flop i feel like it could have just been hey hey yeah if you have a deep voice i feel like there's an extra quality to it i think we were trying to add that maybe isn't even there yeah there's a little rumbling
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
it sounds like you're pushing the buttons on the speak and spell really aggressively and it's like trying to talk but it's like getting cut off it also feels like there's a little bit of a tap in the voice that i think i was going for gravelly but maybe that's not like a teeth there's something else there's like a teeth chat there's like another noise behind it there's like one but it's tiny
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
With your burping and my like gravelly, I thought we were on the right track, but maybe we were crazy.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
You should. It was much smaller than that monkey's nose, but the effort was there.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
All right, Wade. that's adorable i know this one uh this is the sound you make after you eat skyline chili and you're on your first date and you go to the movies afterward and you're really trying to conceal it but you gotta let one out okay i'll accept that it's not right but i accept okay also uh this is the sound of a baby blue jay no unfortunately red jay
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
He just got out of a tennis match. He signed up to play tennis and found out he was going to be the ball and was really upset about it.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I thought you were going to say a little iffy. That's a little bit too generous. She's never succeeded once in her life.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I hope that down there the traditions continue. It's like a Michelin star grilled cheese restaurant now.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I think to serve food, there's no permits or anything required. You're just allowed to sell food.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
But I think telling you to do it is probably illegal advice because I imagine there are some regulations with selling food. That said, I love the idea and I'm on your side of doing it anyway.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I just want to know when the distinction, like when do you have to... They let us do it.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
sure sure okay all right i think that's great oh what's new what's new um yeah we did that thing for daredevil but i actually started watching it and i was very sad that all of it wasn't out because i wanted to keep binging i was really enjoying it good show so far and uh i still want to go back and re-watch the old one i read one of those articles that kind of like recaps the original so that way it prepares you for this one but i started watching and i'm pretty into it hell yeah
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
It's the first time I've binged a show in like two years. I have not watched a lot of shows. I've been missing a lot of the different Marvel things and whatnot. I just haven't made time to watch it. But I was like, you know, for this one, I will. And I started watching it, and it's pretty good.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
weekend i was like ah i've got this whole weekend to enjoy being outside rainy biggest wind we've had since like last fall thunderstorms puddles poo everything terrible poo raining from the sky what happened it didn't do that up here we only live half an hour apart maybe it was the dogs but it was just the poo everywhere and i thought it was from the clouds deer rabbit i don't know wolf i mean elephant something pooped all over the yard that's definitely elephant
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
What are you looking at as you say that? You? I'm looking right at you. Why are we down there?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I don't have time to grocery shop. I'm always busy, but more importantly, I'm very lazy. I like to have things delivered because it's convenient. Meat. What else people buy?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
It's a little unsettling when you're like, I'm fine. Can't you tell by the way I look at you?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
What plant makes that noise? Is it horticulture gardening? Am I crazy?
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
I don't know this one, but it sounds like a pig or a boar. Something with a boar.
Distractible
Animal Noises Too
You guys think I remember what happened last episode. You are crazy. I have the worst memory of all of us combined. Subtractually memory.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
This episode is brought to you by Degree Original Cool Rush Deodorant.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Whoa, that was close. That almost hit me. Uh-huh. All right, so I've gone through many iterations of this. I've dwelled on this multiple, multiple times. And I think I've finally landed on a version that is what I've always dreamed it to be. And I want to start by setting the scene, all right? The Museum of Antiquities.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Perched atop a hill in the heart of an old city, there's a fortress dressed as a neoclassical museum. Its prized treasure, the heart of Maboot, a flawless 1,200-carat diamond the size of a beach ball. Actually, I have no idea how large 1,200 carats would be.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
okay beach ball would be too big i guessed wrong there's a 1111 carat diamond that someone is holding in their hand and it's like this big so this one is like just a little bigger than that right like a grapefruit it rests in a levitating prism of pressure sensitive glass at the center of the atrium the main atrium with the glass dome over top and you know It's literally floating midair, right?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's a 12-story glass chamber rigged with motion tracking lasers that shift hourly according to a randomized algorithm. The museum boasts triple-layer defenses, biometric access on all doors, an elite guard...
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
of ex-special forces rotating every hour and a proprietary AI surveillance network with cameras everywhere that scans both infrared and has pattern recognition across its entire fleet of cameras, right? The atrium floor
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
is actually just a dead drop that goes 60 feet straight down so if you see this thing it's a glass thing floating mid-air on the glass dome above glass box of of like bulletproof glass where the diamonds house floating there's a cutout beneath it where it just goes straight down 60 feet right to get to it is like a 10 foot gap Right. And it's up. So unless and it's just out of reach.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
My name is Mark Blair. I'm joined with Bob and Wade here Wade the musical master Bob just a guy but a great guy and these two are gonna compete today You you've read the title of the episode and trust me. I've fixed it. I got it good this time I know exactly how to do this This is the 20 minutes that everyone wanted to see that got cut out? Yes. No. Yes. Maybe. All right.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Let's just say you can't jump and grab it. Right. You couldn't be there. Jump and grab it. You would fall. You would probably die. So the center, you have the pillar with the diamond. Then you've got this big gap. So the ground comes in like this. Yeah. There's a gap, 10 feet, and then it's also elevated on top of that?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, so there's a gap and it's floating above where the floor is where everyone else would come in the museum. How high up from, like, the ground level? 10 feet up and 10 feet out in the middle. So it's like a... Is this some A squared plus B squared equals C squared shit to, like, figure out the diagonal? Just say you can't jump to get it. You could get to it with other means, but I can't.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Do you know? You're right. Neither of you can. Got all that? There's an AI scanning all the cameras. It can see infrared. It can see normal. It has pattern recognition, face recognition. Dog recognition can separate animals because that actually can be. If you buy security cameras nowadays, it could do this. There is X special forces guarding rotating at every hour.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
And I'm not going to say whether or not that has a gap in between, but they rotate every hour. But assume they're special forces and they're pretty quick on that rotation, right? Also pressure sensitive glass, both on the roof dome of the atrium, both on the security thing of the diamond, the heart of my boot. Is that all clear?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Bob, you and I are working together on this, or we're... No, that's the trick. You two are both fighting for the spot of the greatest criminal that has ever lived or ever will live. You both happen to be going for this particular diamond at the exact same time. And only one of you can walk out...
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
with the diamond how it's going to work unlike previous things it's not one of you is not going to be the guard i'm the security all of it all of it is me i'm struggling to get all this underway and you two are trying to beat me in terms of making it to this diamond making it out now here's how it's going to work
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
it's going to combine all the elements that i've loved from nigh to win and other various games that i have so both of you can either do one of two things you can take an action to get closer to the diamond and it's literally like you have to roll to defeat each of these objectives or even get close to the objectives there's a detection role so once any of you gets detected or you get caught
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's basically game over. Your special time bracelet resets you back to the beginning. You redo all of your actions, and you get to the next step. And each of you is trying to get to this diamond. If either of you get caught, the entire system resets. That's what it is, because the game's up. Okay, all right, wait, no.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
he's doing the thing i was debating that whether it would reset everyone or if it would just reset one of you at a time going back to do it all over again right i can't remember well good thing you wrote it all down Well, I didn't write it all down. I wrote some of it down. I was thinking of it. Let me just ask you guys. Obviously, you're probably very lost.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You're right. You're right. You're right. Okay. All right. So each of you independently can be caught and you would have to reset and try your actions, except you could change the last action you just did. But every successful action still maintains itself. Okay. Does that make sense? And we'll make him ups. as we go along.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
But before we get into that, we want to get into you guys' lives, spend a little bit. So what's new with you?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Exactly. Right. Okay. And I'll try to keep track of everything. I have my dice up here. I have my wheels up here. Um, we're still going to get, you're still going to get random special spy items. You're still going to get random, unspecial, a debilitating weaknesses. Do we get to bring anything ourselves? Yeah, you're going to, you're going to get random things. So you're going to bring,
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Okay, but nothing that we can't just have brought. You're the greatest thieves alive. I'm assuming you have the basics, like lockpicking kit, rope. Let's assume you have that stuff, kind of generic stealing things, plus bonus items.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I was going to say there's generically like three rooms, at least three areas in between the entrance and this thing. Okay.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
All right. You guys rigged this against me. Let's do it. What I want you guys to do is since Wade just did it, Bob, I'm going to have you take off your headphones, cover your eyes, and I'm going to ask Wade what his opening move is.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
They'll be off. I won't listen. I don't trust you. No, because you're going to tell me the same thing. And that's just so we all start from this. We all know where everyone's starting. And you won't influence each other starting. Because if you are both independently the greatest thieves in the world, you wouldn't consult each other or plan your plans based on the other ones.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You wouldn't even know the other one was doing it. That's true. So I'm setting the stage so that this could interfere. All right, Bob, take off your headphones, cover your eyes. All right, Wade, what is your opening move? Okay, so I got to get into this place. Can you describe what it's like from the outside? It's very much like a beautiful museum.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's perched atop a hill, so there's no dead drop cliff. It's just at the top of a hill and a very, very sturdy looking museum. I got to go in the sewer. That's great. I think that's enough to start with. Okay, Bob. Oh, he can't hear. How do we get his attention? We'll just wait a second. What were you guys talking about before? All right, Wade, now take off yours. Close your eyes.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, I'll give you like a good 30 count. All right, so Bob, what is your opening move? What I said to Wade was this is a museum, a very sturdy looking museum at the top of a hill, but otherwise it doesn't look like it's a secured building fortress. It's meant for people to go in. So what's your opening move?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
all right gotcha all right here we go okay so here's the scene bob is going in the front door yeah with a dark jumpsuit he has a bag with a dollar sign on it he has a ladder that's exactly reached the diamond height and a fake mustache did you roll for that or did you just say you had this this is how he's starting so oh none of these are like crazy items so i was like yeah this all seems
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Oh, I didn't give you any of my items or anything. I didn't know we were allowed to do that. Well, you didn't say. You're going in... Alright. No, no, Wade, you're going in the sewer. I'm assuming, Wade, you have a sewer wetsuit.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Alright, you heard it. Wade's naked in the sewer. I'm naked under my wetsuit. Nope, naked. Okay. You didn't specify. Bob was smart enough to specify dark jumpsuit. I like that. It's bold. Well, didn't I ask if we could bring our own items before? You're like, you get the basics. I said you get the basics, so you got a bag of the basics. I want my stinky wetsuit. Clothes are not included in basics.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I will take, I will be naked in the museum. I don't care, but I want my wetsuit for the stink. All right, fine, fine. You got your wetsuit, but you're going to take it off as soon as you get up there because it's stinky, stinky. There's a lot of nudity in these. I don't know where I'm hiding all of my basic tools, but I've got them.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Here's your extra tools that you guys are going to get, all right? All right. I know there's a lot of setup, but it's like I wanted it to be right. All right, so let's have Wade, your first up, you're going to get Invisible UV reactive ink.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
All right, interesting. These are weirdly pertinent to this robbery. All right, Wade, your last item. Ooh. Breakaway climbing rope. And Bob, your last one.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Edible lockpick. Fascinating. To use on your dissolving handcuffs. And that's, okay, Wade, you have invisible UV reactive ink, glass cutter, and breakaway climbing rope. Bob, you have dissolving handcuffs, acoustic glass breaker, and an edible lockpick. Now, Wade, you have a debilitating weakness. Or benefit. We'll see what happens. Oh, benefit? Can it be good? It could be.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, you have glasses because your vision is bad. If only they invented contact lenses. I can't take those in the sewer. Are you crazy? That's how you get shit eye. You have...
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Uh, I guess. No, because you can still remember things in concept form.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, it's epileptic memory. All right, I'm rolling again. Fine.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You've gotta love when a brand can own its mistakes. And it's in Walmart, Target, and other stores now for under $4. So soon you'll see why it's been the number one men's antiperspirant for the last decade. The OG degree cool rush is back. And it smells like victory for all of us.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
triggered by sensory inputs like flashing lights loud noises we laugh but also that sounds kind of terrible that sounds horrible yeah i like this four toes williams is because i put two toes johnny on here and then i was like three toes larry four toes william five toes torrence and i was like and one you'll see above it is one toe to rule them all
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Dude, can I read you all of them? Cause I just like, I'm really happy with them. So it was like, uh, there was, I started with lazy eye and I was like, you have a lazy eye or you have a focus eye. Heterochrome lazia, which is just you, both your eyes are lazy. Heterochrome foci, which is both your eyes are really focused. Eye patch, monocle, heterochrome patch.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You have two eye patches, peg leg, peg legs, apple bottom jeans, boots with the heterochrome fetia robot hand bald ankle length hair sweaty heterochrome stenchia which i think just is your stinky speak and spell that's your voice ankle length
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
boobs with the fur, eidetic memory, epileptic memory, diving world records, world's shortest breath, which, Wade, you got that, trypophobia, edging world record, echolocation, never leaves home without it, never leaves home with it, wet and dry. It's beautiful. You know what, Wade, you're getting another one. I don't care either.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Am I... Yeah, you got four toes. You're fucking stinky as hell, man.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
What does that mean? I don't know, it was like, I wanted to put two left feet. I think that's what it was. Because you have two left feet. Man, that would be really hard to identify with my stench two left feet. And my glasses. You want another one? Yeah. Uh, oh God. I'm so focused. You have great, great eyesight. That's because of my glasses. Oh wait, yeah, wait, how does that make sense?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
They're focused with my perfect glasses. Maybe that was your eyes only can stay pointed in straight ahead. So you can only ever move your, you can't move your eyes except straight ahead. Do I have to turn my whole head? You have to turn your whole head. Okay, I think I've got enough here. Maybe you want to give Bob a couple more.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
What if I, right now, double or nothing, double or nothing the amount of things that you have? Unfair! All right, he's declaring unfair. He's unhappy with the amount of disadvantages he's gotten. Either I'm going in with eight or we're both going in with four. What happens if I win? Mark will have to decide. If it's unfair, I'll give Bob the equivalent number that you have gotten.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
If it's fair, super fair, then you get double. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Otherwise, nothing happens. All right. Here we go. Oh, tails. Ah. Oh, heads. It's already washed. All right. Well, mine was tails, but... Well, sorry, Wade. This has been declared fair. You're wrong. All right. You know, the rules are the rules. I believe in the coin. All right.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
So, to reiterate, Wade, you're going in through the sewer. You do have a wetsuit, but nothing underneath. I'll leave that up to you. You have invisible UV ink, glass cutter, breakaway climbing rope. You have glasses, and both of your eyes can only stare straight ahead. You're really stinky, and you have two left feet.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Bob, you are going in the front door with a dark jumpsuit, dollar sign, bag, ladder for diamond height. It's exactly diamond height. It cannot be collapsed any further. And a fake mustache. You have dissolving handcuffs, acoustic glass breaker, edible lockpick, and you have epileptic memory.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You're also, yeah, four-toes. I can only look straight ahead. I've got two left feet. I'm stinky and I wear glasses. Yeah.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Can I voluntarily remove a testicle? When your turn... If you want to make that your turn... Oh, I have to do... I can't just go in with it? I have to remove it? We've gone in with everything. You had your chance. Who's going first? Tales Bob goes first. All right, Bob, the scene is set. You see the museum in front of you. You know the security systems inside and out.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You do not know Wade is there. You do not know. Neither of you know the other is attacking at this exact moment. You're both genius level thieves. The weather was right. The time was right. The stars were right. Everything was aligned for this day to be the perfect day to execute this plan. What's your first move?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
yes the the guard assumes that you're here for maintenance you got your ladder you got your big bag he laughs at the bag actually he's like that's funny uh it's really funny anyway go on in you're flagged in you you enter in so you're inside uh wait your turn i'm in the sewer you're in the sewer i use my glass cutter to remove my right testicle see if that works Do I remove both testicles?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You remove both testicles Screaming in agony you collapse into the sewer you fall into the poop stream you start as your testicles float off into the distance ratatouille style and then they go down this little like pipe leading down and you hear them scream on the way down But they end up in Paris. So I just have, like, an empty sack? Uh, no, sack's gone too.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I think it's just, um, it's not good, whatever it is. I want to say, Bob, you hear, and everyone around you kind of hears this strange, distant... You don't know what it is, and it couldn't be your arch rival, greatest thief in the world, Wade.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I will say that the diamond is in the very center of the museum and you're only in the front atrium.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
So I'll say, like, you haven't made it to there. I'll say, like, it'll take at least one more action until you're there.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
works perfectly fine 18 no problems you have now made it to the diamond area the guys guarding it are like ah nice sack oh yeah leave that there anyway you're probably here for maintenance right it's it's about time to do maintenance i think that was scheduled today so go on in so i'm standing in the diamond room now with my ladder and my sack you're in the diamond room looking at it you've got the gap there you're you're ready to rock all right wade
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You did that. You are, I want to make it very clear. I'm not invisible. You are not invisible. You are not invisible.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
okay sadly no the ladder tips over you spill into the void fall 60 feet to your death and then time resets okay now now all the actions you did still apply so i still end up standing in the room you will end up standing in the room but please next turn guide us back in there
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It'll officially close off a possibility for you to do that. Wade, the only reason time didn't reset for your balls is because there was no way that that could have caught you. So I didn't have that reset. That's permanently etched. I'm glad to not have my sack or my balls back. Somehow in your genius, I'm assuming that that is getting you closer to robbing this museum.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, one of them would have. I don't know that both are in the sack. You kind of took away my storage for the diamond, not going to lie. I did.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
the roll the roll the roll did it all right okay okay you still have your scrotum i'll say you still have some of your scrotum if that was your storage for the diamond you still have some i don't know you know what i'll make it work let's do this i am now ballless and underneath the entrance covered in invisible ink that doesn't make me invisible but you can't see the ink nope but you can't i go up to open the grate uh where does that take me out
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I know sports a little bit more, and it's not all of Ohio that's causing all these pains, because the Cleveland basketball, whatever their name is... Cavaliers. Cavaliers. Yeah, they're a one seed, aren't they? Yeah, they're tied. There's two number one seeds. They had an incredible record. And so, yeah, they're doing outrageously good. Take that, LeBron. Yeah, his team now sucks probably.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
uh it let's assume it takes you out in uh a bathroom or something or a janitor's area somewhere back where there would be a drain like one of the kitchens or one of the like cleaning rooms in the back it's a utilitarian room but it's within the the normal uh public area that they go to you're behind enemy lines let's say that
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I pop out, I think about rinsing myself off, and I remember I covered myself in my ink and I don't want to waste it. So I'll keep the stench, and I try to make my way stealthily to the diamond room. Okay, so you're climbing up and you're stealthily crossing this room. Let's see if this works.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
it shockingly it does 18 there's no one there it just you knew that this was the perfect time not only did the guards shift at this time the kitchen staff were shifting out for third shift to come in no one's there no one can smell you no can see you you're on your way you are making it
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'll say you're making it towards the diamond room, because Bob had to get in and then to the diamond room, but I'll say, like, you're right there. You can see it through a gap in a doorway. All right. Bob, you smell something faint. You smell something sewer-y. You smell something really reeking of a horrible eye-stinging chemical, but just the faintest notes of it starting to waft.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
i i don't know why i no one knows why but as it as it like builds up you were holding it backwards you didn't really know what it was all about the two guards behind you are like that's a weird doohickey they get evaporated just and then
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
just gone uh and so also all the glass from here to the very front of the entire uh uh museum is just absolutely bored through i'm gonna go ahead and say that that's a reset worthy event i opened my escape route perfectly what do you mean Maybe the rule is ones stay, whatever happens on the ones. I'm okay. Waits one stayed. Waits one stayed. All right. So, yeah, you held it backwards.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yep. There's now every piece of glass from you back to the front entrance is broken. The two guards from behind you are evaporated into a mist, and everyone behind you is now just clutching their ears like... And also you're really hurting. Your ears are really hurting from that. So you're not deaf, but your ears are ringing, Saving Private Ryan style. It'll come back in a, let's say in one turn.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
After your next turn, it'll come back. Also, it triggers an epileptic memory. I'll let you decide what that does. All right, Wade, you hear the most cacophonous, explosive sound you could possibly ever hear. Not only do you escape it, though, you know what the technology is that did it. I'll let you draw whatever conclusions that is, but you know that tech. Bobo Bagsack must be here.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's not what I prefer to be called, but... I take a moment to now clear the shit and piss out of my ears, now knowing that I'm safe, most likely, and I make my way to the diamond room. Do I have to roll to get to the diamond room from here? I... Man, I think so, just out of fairness to Bob, but... Okay, we've done a lot of detriments for his action.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
They're third. They locked in the three seed the other day.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Let's just see if there's anything in your way getting there after that. Maybe alerts heightened or something like that. Nat 20. Holy fuck. You the path is so clear to you you you saw it all peeking through the door you saw it all happen You saw what happened Bob slick clutching his ears.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
He's in the throes of a memory You know who he is you know what he's doing and you're like ah He's trying to get to that diamond before me so you get to the diamond room No problem. I want to give you another benefit I'll give you a plus one on your next roll of whatever it is because you got this I'll take it. All right, Bob, you, uh, you're deaf.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Mark's not wrong that they were the, so the West is set up where it was like a thunder or like a mile ahead of everyone. The two seat, I think was pretty close to locked up. And then like, Three through eight was like a game difference between all of them So it was very like who's gonna end up where?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
All right, that's a good turn. I won't even make you roll on that. Let's just assume that that's my turn. That's all I get to do. I have a memory. Let's say you at least you at least open your eyes and you see Wade doing his next thing. But he's already like mid doing it. So you're you're looking at him and you're like, oh, whoa, what's he doing here? So now you got it. Got it. Alright, Wade.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I have basic stuff like lockpicking kit and rope, but I also have my breakaway rope. So I throw my breakaway rope to go up to the glass platform. I make a lasso, throw it over there, and I'm ready to swing and climb. Alright, what is it grabbing onto? Around the case. Alright, cool. Alright, cool. I just wanted to be clear, because it's not like there's a fence around it or anything like that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
No, but I imagine there's like a thing that it's sitting on with glass above it. So it's like not the glass part, but it's a floating prism of glass with a small flat platform around it, like a very small one with nothing that a rope would grab onto. But if you I'm aiming for some of the glass or that platform, I'm aiming for something like that. All right, cool. Let's see.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Oh, you got plus one on this one. you did it 12 plus 1 13 you're over there bob's looking at you i look i turn i wave at bob i raise my arm so he knows it's stinky wade and i swing over all right so you swing over so you are now on the glass platform i will say the authorities have been alerted uh they are on the way in three turns the guards will arrive
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
what happens there is not instant game over but in three turns the guards will arrive and things will get let's actually say in two turns because it happened a turn ago guards are going to arrive and things will get exponentially more difficult from here i still can't hear no you can hear now you're good you're here it's coming back it's like oh okay good well i see i see wade i see what he's doing i see him swing over and i realize that's a breakaway climbing rope do you
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It does look a lot like a normal rope. I mean, I don't know if there's like a mark on it, like a dotted line.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Until like a week ago the Lakers locked up the three seed, but it was very contentious Luka is with the Lakers Cleve. I don't know who Cleveland star players are but mark is right They are the one seed for the Eastern Conference. I think all right So yay and the Browns in Cleveland. They are
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
19. You fucking launched that ladder. I was going to say if you failed it, your voice would crack when you screamed, but no, not a crack. Not a single crack. It's just, and you hit the glass, and I'm going to say it's really strong stuff. If that was a nat 20, I would say it would break it. 19 really close, it cracks it. But given that it's pressure-sensitive glass, it has now set off an alarm.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Not that that matters much when everything else is on fire and exploding.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, it would have been one turn anyway after this, so I'm going to say no. They were already on the way. It's not like they could get there faster. Okay. All right, but it's cracked. You may have helped Wade here, though. All right, so you cracked glass. Man, I'm having trouble keeping track of all this, but you're doing great, guys. All right. Wade. It's in here. Don't worry.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I know that my opponent, I've already forgotten the nickname I gave him, likes a big glass blower. I have a big ladder. He's all about the big. When I come in here naked, I pull out. My glass cutter. And I start cutting in to get to the diamond where that break happened.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's slippery. Something. I mean, he got a nat 1 on the glass cutter roll. It could have fallen off into the sewer and gone. All right, you reach into your pocket, you look for the glass cutter, and then you pull out just a tuft of pubes left over from you cutting off your balls. I wrap them around one of my fingers to protect the knuckle, and I punch the crack in the glass. I wrap up you.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Hey, any little bit. Any little bit. What kind of bonus does that give me on this roll? Oh, let's find out. 19 again. Pubes of steel. Wow, you punched through that glass, and you are within arm's reach of this diamond. I'll say your hand is on the diamond. Five fingers, one pube. Bob, it's your turn, but now you start to hear the shouting and the sirens. The guards and police have arrived.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Rolls are good right now. That worked. Nice. Yes. Okay. So that worked. I also forgot the rules where we don't really roll on the items, but it's fine. We're good. I think it's still good. Oh, so I should have my ball. But I rolled for him. That's why I was like, I rolled for him. So I wanted to make it fair like that. I'll say like, just if we do this again.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, they lost one of their biggest star players. Cleveland did. Miles Garrett was like, I will not play for Cleveland again no matter what. I want to go to a contender. Well, I thought they paid him money and he stayed. What? No, he would sit on his principles. No dollar could buy him. I just heard the whole bit. You're right!
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
That is kind of weird. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So yeah, Bob, you are now on the ground. Your hearing is all the way back. Wade's hand is on the diamond. So you think of the next best thing you put on the handcuffs. You're down. The police are now running into the front atrium. They're not in the diamond room yet, but they are on the way. By the time I see your next turn, they'll be there.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
All right, Wade, your hand's on the diamond. You hear the police outside. They're in the front atrium. This pit below me, is there anything down there? Is it just like a flat bottom? Let's just say it's flat. No spikes.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, but if I land, if I were to climb down there with my long ropes, would there be an escape down there that I would know? Your rope is from the ground level where Bob is to the... Yeah, but I've got a normal climbing rope. This is just my special item. You said we had normal rope and clock picking kits.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I was a magician in a previous life. I pull one out my ass, the other out my mouth. All right, I'll say, yeah, you do have another rope, but I will say also, it's just a pit for now. I tie the rope and I go and climb down to the bottom. All right, let's see. I'm dead serious. You got a one, man. I never learned to tie knots. You got confused. You put your regular rope on the way to the diamond.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You have your breakaway rope that you're trying to go down. It breaks the moment. The moment you go over the edge. You die. Now I'm reset and I no longer have rope. You reset. You don't have rope. And since it was a nat one, I'm going to give you a negative one on your next roll.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
it's a cardinal guys or no well it's red but the ohio bird very nice all right bob the the guards have rolled in uh and i'm gonna say since you succeeded on your last roll you you'll look everything the part yeah i'm like off their radar completely right don't i fit in Oh, man.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I don't know, Wade, if you fit in. I don't know. I'm just naked, stinky, covered in ink, hovering by their diamond and holding it with a bleeding ball sack. All right. Bob, assume they understand what you're trying to do.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
They believe it, but what do you say to them? What do you do to guide them into whatever you want to do next? Right. Remember, the diamond is still in the case. Wade died. He's reset. Next turn, he'll be reset. His hand will be on the diamond. So considering how time works in Weird Loops, his hand is on the diamond and he is there. But you just saw him die. But somehow, you know.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I remember you and me doing a bit where he did that and they're like, never mind, money is great! It's still funny! You're right, it sure is. I hope the Blue Jackets have better luck than the Bengals of beating the minuscule odds. Nah, they won't.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
They already believe you. They buy the story. And honestly, Wade is such a naked, stinky distraction. I think they probably would have already been looking at him. Anyway, the only reason I want to roll is because you're embellishing already a good thing. If I did too much. It's like to see if you're doing too much. So I'm just going to roll to see if that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
And you do have a negative one penalty overall because the entire scenario has a negative one now.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
No, they believe you. All right. Okay, perfect. This is great. But they all turned away from you. Not a one of them is looking at you right now. It was risky play, but it paid off. They're all looking at Wade. Every single police in the area. There's like a big circle of them now all around the pit. Oh, looking at you. Wade now is another minus one.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I forgot to mention that any like actions directly against the other criminal can affect their roles. I assumed. All right, Wade. Things are not looking good. All right. You have vivid memories of your death. Your confidence is shaken. I'm back up holding one of the two ropes. I can't remember which. I have my hand on the diamond. I shove it into my empty sack. Wow.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, that doesn't sound... I knew that was your plan, but just, like, the vigil is so unpleasant. All the police are watching you as you do this. I want them to see.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
All right, Wade, so you got a four. Oh, no. Oh, God. So it didn't work. Your sack is in tatters. All the police are like... You scream in agony as you try to do this. I don't know. They shoot you or something. I'm dead again? Alright, I'm back. So you can no longer stuff it in your sack if that was your plan. That's okay. I've got other orifices. All right, Bob, they're all looking away.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You just saw something really, truly terrible, but it reset, and you're like, man, I had a weird vision that he tried to stuff the diamonds.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I have a feeling that that's the same place that Wade just came from. So I'm not 100% sure that that would actually be locked. Wade, what do you think of that? Because it did sound like you come from the maintenance area if you came out of the sewer. So that door probably would be open. I would not have locked it. So I guess he could keep his lockpick. I think that door is already open.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm not even going to say that you need to edible lockpick that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It is a backup container in general. That's fair. That's fair. So close. It's a seven. There is none. Next turn, I'll let you improvise maybe to try to see if you can get one. I'll come out of that room with something. Okay, but there was no perfect replica of that container.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
i got contingencies yeah all right wade you uh are once again hand on the diamond you got a weird ache in your sack all of the police are shimmying up your rope ant style they're just like a bunch of they're just swarming closer so the glass is shattered there's a little platform that it was sitting on can that platform support my weight uh you're you were already on the platform Oh, excellent.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
The police are all shimmying their way to me. I take a piece of glass and I cut the rope to watch them fall. All right. One. It's a seven again. I cut my finger off thinking it's the rope. No, no, no.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, the sackless life is not worth living. So basically you're like, but it's, you didn't, that's not the breakaway rope. You accidentally put your regular rope there. So what happens is one of the police comes up and basically is like already climbing and just grabs your hand and pulls it off of the rope.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
so uh it's not good for you wade that's a reset right yeah i think it resets so that didn't work so cutting the rope isn't working none of that's working okay i got another idea next time don't worry all right cool yeah all right bob i come out of the maintenance closet with a really scummy looking mop bucket tucked under my arm
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You know what I forgot about this whole game? The whole thing that I failed to realize is, you know how I said in the beginning, I'm the guards? I forgot that I'm supposed to have turns.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
But anyway, next time I'll have the perfect, perfect crime. Oh, I can't wait. Alright, so it's just I have unlimited turns until Bob can do something? Is that how it goes now?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You got bad news, bub. That's not good. You got six. All of the cops just simultaneously, their heads go to you, and they start moving towards you. All of them on the rope are just like suddenly coming to you now. They're just like, hey, something's suspicious about this. I don't know what's going on here. Not a one of them is going to bother Wade. All right.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Let's say the ones on the rope are going back up. The rest are still around the circle. I'll look at you. And let's say they're not coming at you, but they look at you being like, wait a minute. All right, Wade. I really think I should cut this rope. I've got a better idea. I'm going to grab a bunch of the glass shards and put them between my fingers.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
And then I throw them at the guards climbing the rope. Ninja star glass flying through the air at these guards. You know, I didn't. It's an 11 and there's a minus one on everything. Is a 10 succeeding? Is it more than 10 or 10 or more? I don't know. It's your rule. If the dice is 1 to 10 and then 11.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It would be a fail if that's the case. It would be a fail, wouldn't it? Damn. A really good fail. It's a good fail. It's about as close as you can. Let's say you throw them. It doesn't hit anything, but it gets really close. Excellent. Distracted him. Now I can really do what I was going to do. Okay. All right, Bob.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's like up in the air. I'm saying if he's been resetting for the fail state, his hand is near the thing.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Everything you're saying is like perfectly fine to do, you know, bird watch, but the way you're saying it, like sneaky bird pictures that they won't even know. It's like we're in their bedroom. It's like we're in the privacy of their home. The bird comes home, takes off its leg scales, and just reveals like hairy man legs. And you're like, I didn't know birds could do that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, it's on like a little claw pedestal, so it's supported from below, but it's pretty much right there.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
bucket open bucket towards the diamond so ideally the bucket hits the diamond contains it as it flies through the air and the bucket lands like right side up containing the diamond opposite side of the thing for me that's a hell of a difficult thing to do damn 16 he did it though this guy throwing great yes he did it it go Wade you see a bucket go grab the diamond right by you you go and it's on the other side of the room standing up
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm letting you guys do whatever you want. If the dice decide what reality believes here and that's exactly what happens. All these guys are climbing toward me. Their heads making beautiful platforms. I run across the top of the rope using their heads to get back to where Bob is and I've got two left feet. I've got practice with my weird movement abilities. I'm ready for this.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I haven't exactly given you guys much in terms of your disadvantages. I think they haven't played at all this time, so I'm not gonna count it now. Hey, I had an epileptic memory. You have, yeah, you're right. I smell really bad, and to look around, I have to do this. You're right, yeah. Okay. This is a weird dice. 16 again. Uh, yeah. You go, doink, doink, doink, doink, doink!
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You run across all of their heads. All the other ones are outside the rope, are still looking at Bob, so you go, doink, doink, doink, and you land. Ha! Right there. And I wave at him again and hold up the other armpit! Oh, that's another action.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I get ready to raise my armpit! They see your muscles flexing in your shoulder about to raise. They get a bad feeling, a sinking feeling in their stomach. But it hasn't happened yet. It's only Bob. I don't want the other security guards to see me. Alright, Bob. The diamond is on the other side. You're within one turn of that diamond.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I pictured it. So the way I picture it is there's the diamond platform, the rope, a layer of guards and you. I feel like I'm on the other side of the rope behind the guards facing you. Let's assume the guards are kind of a dividing line between you two and it's equal distance to the bucket.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It's outside. The guards have actually been moving towards you, so it's kind of like a wedge in between you and Wade, and he bounced over that way. You're over this way. There's a way you could probably gun it to the diamond.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It'll be the first discovered case of birds actually having hairy legs. Leg scales? Do they have scaly legs? No, they don't. Whatever the yellow, whatever their texturing weird yellow. That's called skin. Nah, that can't be it.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
17 it works you get it there you grab the thing you're good to go you have the bucket would you are you grabbing the bucket or the diamond out of the bucket i picked i picked the bucket up in the diamonds inside okay all right you pick up the bucket you have the diamond it's in your arm wait he has it but the only way out is where i'm at right there's a two doors this way so he has to come back around
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
The janitorial closet is open and unlocked. The front atrium is covered in glass, but it's open. So those are the two ways in and out of this room. I want to run to Bob. Is that my, do I need to roll to get to him? If that was your action, yeah. I want to run to Bob and I say, the only way we get out of this is if we work together. Okay, I'm assuming this is a trick. It has to be.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm not allowed to work with him, but he doesn't know that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
12 ooh by our rules that does work yes i run to bob and i say those words to you you don't you don't have any other disadvantage right i don't think just the minus one right now yeah so you get there and you say the only way that we can get out is if we work together and bob my god looking around at the police and everything in the vicinity you believe them
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm going to stop you there, Bob, because he got his role. He got his role and he convinced you. That was the role of whether or not that would work. And it barely did.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm pretty sure didn't they evolve from dinosaurs dinosaurs had scales therefore birds must have scales okay alright actually now given that I've eaten a chicken's foot I guess it does have a bumpy I wouldn't call it scaly but it is probably a little bit like that it has a texture like skin by the way I don't recommend I know people it's a Korean thing and probably other countries do but chicken feet they're like it's full of collagen and I don't doubt that it's just really unpleasant to eat
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Wait, I can't shit on the diamond? I have to hold it while I shit?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
If the roll works. Well, you trust me. I rolled for it. All right, we're getting confused. We're getting confused here. All right, Wade got his roll to convince you, Bob, that they would work together.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
The thing that we didn't say is what you wanted him to do, Wade. Because you just told him and he believed you. Well, I kind of figured I didn't have much chance to get that much out. I had to run over there and say that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
He grabs his wetsuit, wrings it out as well to help fill the bucket, but he has a diamond. You're there. Police are all coming. They're right next to you. It's do or die right now. Wade? I have two different ways I see this going, but yes. So we're around a ledge. We have to get around the ledge and through the security guards.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I stand in the bucket of shit and I say, push us out as I hold the diamond. What? I know. It's not what either of us expected. Alright, you do that. I don't even know what this is trying to do, but you got a 17, man. Here's my goal. Okay, well, I guess we already rolled.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
My goal was for him to push the bucket and then stop short of the security guard so the shit goes flying out around me and covers them in shit. Right. Okay, why did you have to stand in it to do that? I didn't want to walk.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
But now I know that you're willing to push me. I know we're working together. All right, Bob, you pushed him. He stood in it. You were like, we're working together. You push him, tips over. He tips over with it. But yeah, there's now. I rolled a 17, so I'm not prone. I land, right? Yeah, you tuck and roll. I guess. All right. I've got invisible ink and I've got shit boots. Excellent.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I've made the horrible error of having the police just like standing looking and all this occurring.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
They're ineffectuate. I'm going to say that after this turn, like it'll be three turns till game over and no one wins.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
oh we're we're we don't need three okay three turns bob i'm gonna count this stuff i'm pretty sure last time he said three turns it was one three turns yeah well that was until they got there and then things are gonna get exponentially harder but i didn't make them exponentially harder and i think like now we need to clarify three turns each or like one one one one one one after after this one so it'll be a dunk dunk dunk dunk okay so we each get two more turns got it
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm so used to being naked and mutilated. I don't know if I need them. I use glass on my dick. Got bad news? You got four. There was no time to do that. Please get you. Time resets. Now's time to reveal to Bob my master plan. I start moving back, but I'm doing it backwards, which is probably stupid, but I'm confident and arrogant.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I raise both armpits and say, Thanks, whatever nickname I gave you earlier. And then I turned a bolt toward the front entrance with the diamond. I think the general shit everywhere, I think that got lost in translation. Let's see. No. No. as you go, I trip over the glass as I raise my arms. Time resets, two turns left. All right, Bob, we're back. That never happened.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm so sorry, man. You somehow slip and slide right into the police arrest immediately. I'm so sorry. I wanted that to work so badly. I did too because I had another plan I was going to do with him. Wade, this is it. Hail Mary. Last chance. All right, without turning around this time, I can't be too boastful, but I've got to boast a little bit.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I go back through the maintenance door and try to get to my sewer entrance, raising only one arm as I do. That's it? Yeah, I just want to leave this time. Well, you still have the diamond, so let's see. An 11, which means it's a 10, which means that doesn't work. We're going to be the best of friends in prison, Bob. Yep. Both of your time watches go out of battery right then and there.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You get arrested and put in jail forever. This was not the first time.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Wade? Oh, yeah. I'm all in. As long as I get one final escape attempt here, right?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You'd have to be the type of person that when you eat chicken wings, you like clean that stuff. There's only bones left. And even them have a bite mark in the end of them. Like, you know, you could be that type of person if you like chicken. That ain't me. I've got some updates. Ominous. Are you a doctor? You might want to sit down for this. I finished the Animorph books, all of them finally.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Wade, do you want one last, only a 20 will make it work, roll? Oh, yeah. Instead of a 20, can I ask the need a one? What is it? What is it? I decide that I'm going to use my combination of poo and glass to skate my way at the guards, or the police, trying to disable them all at once, which will allow me more time to get out.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I shelve my feet into the glass, one left foot at a time, and then sprint skid by turning my feet slightly upward, aiming my toes to the sky.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I was expecting. They'll never keep me in prison. I smell too bad. Alright, I let this one run a little long. I apologize for that, but that was very funny. But I want to recap the insanity of this so-called perfect crime for you guys. And I need to tabulate the points at the same time. So it all started with Bob, you went in the front door. Wade, you went in the sewers.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Bob, you just like coasted in both to the second door. Wade, you cut your balls off. Um... Bob, you got to the diamond room. No problem. They all believed you. Wade, you poured ink on yourself. Bob, you tried the ladder. It didn't work. Wade, you got up the sewer. It was empty, thankfully. Bob, you threw your...
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
used your acoustic glass uh uh cannon and blew everything up the guards obliterated wade you saw it all happen uh he you got the advantage there uh wade you used your rope to get across that's great bob you had a penthouse forum moment that was beautiful and then wade you had your hand on the diamond for like 15 turns
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Bob, you had the genius thing with the, uh, handcuffs, uh, you tricked them into looking at Wade, Wade, you died, you died again, you died a third time, and then you- you didn't die, but you didn't win, um, so Bob, you had the advantage there.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Bob threw a- went in a room, found a bucket, came back with the bucket, threw the bucket, got the diamond, all while you were dying, over and over and over again, Ran over, got the bucket through sheer charisma, Wade somehow, well, he hopped across the heads, went over to you, convinced you to work together, and then just shot in a bucket and then stood in it.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I don't know where the genius was in this entire endeavor.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
But that didn't help you either. It could have. I can see now. There's still more perfection to be had in the perfect crime. I'm going to fix it, and next time I'll have the perfecter crime.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I can't show mine on camera for legal repercussions. All right, so adding in Wade earlier, it's still funny. And then you're entering the modern era of YouTubing. Bob, you got the hockey heart tug. And then you got sneaky bird pictures. So before the wheel, that puts you at Wade 11 to Bob's 12. All right. Okay. I'm going to say the addition to the wheel should be caused the most harm.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
And it was a series I started reading as a kid in like second grade. Like I was very young. I think it's probably aimed more at teenagers than it is like maybe like 13 to 17 year olds, you know, young adult teens. It's a very, very brutal book series.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Hurt your own chances. What's a good way to say that? Self-sabotaged. So you're saying there's a chance. Yep, I'm saying there's a chance. That favors me a lot.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
If listeners or viewers get one, we could have a tie. Mark, you ready for the show? No, no, no. I need another chance to do this.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yes! I just need one point! I swear that comes up so much.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Follow this. Hey, Mark, it's gotta be a tie. You don't know that. It's fine. I believe in the heart of the everything. I'm ready.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, it is what it is. Fortune favors the bold. Wade, congratulations. None of you won the actual heist.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
That's true, yes. And you went back in the time to your apartment when you were 20? Or you just went there?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm having flashbacks to some kind of event that already took place, but it's actually in the future where we escape from prison.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
very brutal very graphic there's lots of like oh they clawed my back leg off and i'm bleeding profusely kind of like stuff it's like kind of wild for a kid's book but like as a kid i read it it was like fine but after reading the end it's like man i don't think young me could have taken this i won't spoil it but like it's just it's very just there's a it's very heavy stuff that they they tackle in that book series especially like the latter half of it
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, Bob gives up his life of crime and turns to punishing those who have wronged him. Those terrible criminals. So yeah, this was a prequel. And I learned that cinder blocks don't float. He is really stupid in both this one and that one.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
You gave me four detriments. The coin said it was fair, so I had to lean into it. They didn't even have any problem for you. It was barely a hindrance. Oh, well, you're right. You were stinky and you were already in the sewer. What did it matter?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I was really hoping for some kind of, like, uh, UV detecting rays. I wanted to look like a beam of alien light. Unfortunately, yeah, the cameras were, uh, infrared only. Also, I forgot about it. Alright, anyway, uh, let's go with, um, Bob, your loser speech first.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I only tried to cut off one ball. The dice spoke for me. And I didn't try to die. The dice spoke for me. I used the tools at my disposal. I was a stinky, shitty man. And I had to show that. But I think in the end, despite the deck being stacked against me from the start... Was spinning the wheel against me four times, which again, fair.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I prevailed, only to show that you can go into a situation unprepared, outgunned, outmaneuvered, outplanned, with more brilliant strategy on the other side and still win. All you gotta have is a little stinky heart.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
That's really well said, though. Congratulations, Wade, on your wonderful victory. Congratulations, Bob, on escaping. And congratulations to nobody for actually completing this crime. And congratulations to all the viewers and listeners, especially viewers who got one point, for enduring another prototype perfect crime. Next time I host... The perfect, perfect crime episode. Stay tuned for that.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Thank you for watching. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast. Follow wherever it is and subscribe to LordMinion777, MySkirm, and myself wherever you want, if you haven't already. And thanks again. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
But I finally finished it, something I started at like 8 years old. So, it's weird being done with it. But that's done. I found a new gaming addiction. My weekly new gaming addiction. And I don't know if you guys are going to play it or not, but it's a game called Blueprints. It's like a puzzle mystery game. I just started recording it last week.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I kind of took last week off from streaming and stuff. I tried to take a little mini vacation and that turned into me recording like 14 hours of blueprints instead. So yay, good job me. But I've had a lot of fun with it. You kind of like build your own building and then there's all kinds of mysteries and secrets along the way and like each day things reset and you start over again.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
What was it called? blueprints p-r-i-n-c-e blueprints is it different than the word blueprints or are you just saying it with a weird emphasis it is called blueprints p-r-i-n-c-e but blueprints is like a pun because you're building a blueprint so i see i see but
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
there's a lot more to it like the first couple of days I didn't really know what I was getting myself into it's a very deep game with a lot of stuff going on in it you don't really realize at first but I've been having a lot of fun with it a lot of fun and my last update is actually a plea for help from you too I'm not buying you a car and I don't know what I'm doing anymore because it's just been so long
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
uh so i need advice i think my camera that i've had for like seven years is starting to have issues recognizing that there's an sd card in there i think like something's going on where it's like because i've got multiple sd cards i was like i need to swap it this sd card's finally dying but like it's really being finicky about whether it's wanting to record onto sd cards right now so i'm like okay this thing's seven years old maybe something's going on with the reader maybe it's time for a new camera what is the new camera or camcorder to get in 2025
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, even though we had a lot of problems in the beginning of it, it's been working pretty flawlessly for like five years now. OBS recording a double wide image with your... Video going into it because you have your video going into your computer right now like we're seeing you Yes, you just put that in OBS. Can you record like two scenes at once?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
And you don't have to change your camera because your camera's working right now. That's fair. That would be a cheaper solution. It is actually incredibly cheaper. This camcorder was like $1,400.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I think I might have to upgrade my graphics card because I do think my graphics card either... It's either graphics card or motherboard or having some... Getting the tingles. What graphics card do you have? Do you have a 30 series? No, no. It's a 4090, 4080, whatever it was. Well, you don't need a new one.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
you can't even upgrade it you mean fix it i think this one is what's the new series new series is 50 series right it's not out yet is it it's out but i wouldn't do it it's not worth the upgrade i don't know i i think i need to take my computer and get looked at it's just having some boot up issues where every now and then it'll launch up my whole computer will be super laggy and i have to like go in restart it and then usually second or third restart it's like
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Yeah, I'm fine. But I've had a couple of crashes during streams and like gaming sessions lately where something, I don't know, it could be software, but I think there's some faulty hardware. I don't know. I don't know how to narrow down what it is, but I think something needs to be looked at. So maybe not to buy a new computer, but at least repair.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I figure maybe I'll take it in, but that means I need to go there. Yeah, going to micro centers the best. All right, so off camera, I will have one of you help me set up OBS so I can record without having to use my SD cards. It will take five minutes.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
And enjoy the sh- And host us and ghost us and coast us and nail all of our dicks to the wall. I was stealing a Weird Al's Spy Hard intro but giving it to you since you had no musical interlude. Oh. Anyway, hi. Welcome back to Distractible. You heard half of that song because the recording aren't really started. It wasn't meant for anyone but you. You started it.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
It will save you so much time in dumping footage off your camera, and then editors won't have to sync it up. It's really nice.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I'm guessing, I forget what I record my game footage in, but I recorded something that I have it auto-remuxed to like an MP4 or something, right? Do you do the same thing with your camera? Should be MKV, right? Yeah, I think it's MKV. Do you do the same thing?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
That's it. That means I should be dealing with smaller file sizes too, right? So my camera's files won't take like 10 years to transfer.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
yeah yeah they won't transfer at all they'll already be on there oh right where you tell them to be i still have to transfer because i i drag them under like the external storage but yeah yeah but that's like on your network to nas right like that's you gotta click and drag it over to oh man i don't trust anything to record to an external device i record it on my computer drag it over then i oh i do the same thing yeah
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Well, I think the only reason I do is sometimes whenever I'm doing like bulk recordings, I just want to like quickly go, go, like I'll stop. It'll do a fast remux then go. If I remux to the other one, it takes a little bit longer for that file to transfer to the Synology for whatever reason.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I don't know. I just have it set to auto-do it. You can batch them. You have it set to auto? Oh. OBS will auto-remux when I hit stop recording. Either way, it's all good, I guess. The remuxing takes very little time, typically. It's the transfer to the Synology that takes a little bit longer. I can't believe you're finally entering the 21st century of recording.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
I would say that, but I guess 2012 we were all using fraps and that was terrible. Yeah, fraps! Then it was Bandicam for a little while, yeah. Oh, that's true. I started using OBS at the same time that I did this double-wide thing. And I realized, like, oh my god, this free software is amazing. I just don't... I'm the person that doesn't try new things.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
If something's tried and true, I stick with it. So my recording has not changed in, like, seven years. The tried and true thing was new once. It was, and that was very scary. What happens if you need to do something you've never done before? You just pass? I beg for help from anyone and everyone around me. Interesting.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
See, I love figuring out new things myself to an almost horrifying degree of where I will refuse to ask for help until I am pulling my hair out with how frustrating it is. I'm a busy man with a busy life and lots of stuff I like to do. That's true, I'm not. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
Download the Rocket Money app and enter distractible in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show. All right. Well, that's good. I'm happy for you. We'll help you. We will help you. We will help you. I hope so. But you know who's not going to help you? Dad? Each other. Oh, okay. Dad? What did you say?
Distractible
The Even More Perfecter Crime
He said, Dad. Oh, you're right. He can't help you now. Welcome to the final form of The Perfect Crime. Whoa!
Distractible
Order Matters Too
We all are. But listen, Mr. Lee R. Fox, I know you're watching. What? I also want good internet. I'll drip. I'll drip right now. Who? Apparently the CEO of AltaFiber. I looked it up.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Molly just celebrated her birthday, and we went down to Soto in Cincinnati. Soto is so good. So good. It's so much better even than I remembered. Didn't I remember you saying that already?
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I've not finished them, but there's... Molly and I didn't watch the movie. Apparently it was a movie, but we watched the original series and we just started the newer one or whatever. But I'm curious, whenever you finish it, I'm curious what you'll think.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I get a person who tweets at me once a day, every night and says bald. I've had this for years. Now I've got a person who comes to my stream every stream and is like, have you tried the grilled PB and J yet? The building blocks of like just annoyance I'm getting over time are growing. I'm not ready for this to happen again. It's fine.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
And some of you half listeners out there who are like, wait, I can't believe you make PB&Js with two knives. I was like, that's not me. I'm not the two knife guy. I'm a spoon and a knife. I can't be more clear about this.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I was there yesterday, so if we talked about it last week, that's wild. Oh no, oh no.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I don't fully disagree, though. I will say I've got a lot worse luck than you do with leaving cables plugged in. Notoriously, one cable gets bumped in a way that like ruins the connection. I don't know why, but like I'll have like a ruined port or something. So I don't do that anymore. But, uh.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I do keep like the cables that are plugged into my devices together versus the cables that are just like spare or going to like, because I've got two computers in my office. I've got the editing computer that Dana uses and I've got my computer. Two other steps that I would add in there. When I'm setting up my desk, I'm a bitch baby and I play scary games. I don't like having door behind me.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I need to see door. My escape route, I need that shit because otherwise the entire time I'm recording or playing scary game, I'm like... making sure there's nothing behind me. So door, door. In this particular office, I also made sure that I had like the setup I wanted to easily get into my room.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I don't know how big all the rooms are you're working with, but like this office is a good size, but I've also got a really big desk and I've got another desk in here. And I wanted to make sure I had room to move in and out without having to squeeze past. My last office, I kind of had to squeeze by my desk to get in. So it's like, I want space.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
So I made sure to like lay it out where I had background wall that I wanted for whatever background, in this case, and last case, foam and posters. And then I made sure to foam up the one important wall that I never had to do anything at all with the other parts of this room. It's excellent. Otherwise, setup-wise, I mean, the order you said marked was fine.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Like, monitors first, like, yeah, that's fair. Monitors, desktop, and then all your accessories and whatnot, you kind of squeeze around that. But you may have to make sure your desk, you get your big shit in there first.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
it's a square room so lighting was pretty simple this one was pretty simple this was a pretty simple setup because i kind of got to like design the layout because i had to build this office it didn't exist prior so nothing too crazy i mean power i guess i had to make sure that the power supply that there were there there is multiple whatever the doodle mahiki is on your box box what your box box
Distractible
Order Matters Too
refuses to do to my hickeys in your box box are you talking about breakers yeah yeah i've got two different breakers i think to my office oh uh i see box box so i also i i did have to care about where i plugged things in to make sure i was spreading them out decent amount box box
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Yeah, but I got stuck on corn on the cob in my brain, and I was like, that's not what I'm trying to picture. Let's have a corn on the cob, yeah? Mark wins, I guess.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I guess the last time I made coffee was probably like back when I was probably a kid.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
and it was the old style like i don't know if people still use it but like the actual like folgers tin where you take a scoop put it in the uh coffee filter slide it in press the button and it would brew into the pot then you had to throw away the old nasty uh filter with the wet mass of shit yes drip coffee filters do still exist i was also the person who didn't even like the smell of coffee so yeah i've
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Boo, boo me. Oh, you didn't like the smell? It smells so good. When I think, so, okay, side tangent, distracted, distractible. To me, the cool thing about coffee was that the Folgers tins, if you took a knife and you stabbed the lid, you had a perfect little cage to catch a frog for a couple hours.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
So when I think of like Folgers tins, I think the weird smell of like a frog with coffee beans around it, that hybrid smell of animal beans. Ew. Ew.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
But tea, I mean, we have a tea kettle. So you just fill up the tea kettle, you heat it up, put it in a cup, and then you put the tea bag in, let it stew or steeple. Steeple, is that the word? Steep?
Distractible
Order Matters Too
yeah you put it in the staple this is the coffee this is the staple open the door and you see all the people uh that wasn't that funny sorry take out the tea bag stir it up i always stir it up anyway but you take out the tea bag and then i add like a little bit of honey stir it up and that's it like it's pretty all right mark do something unhinged
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Let me tell you, Path of Exile, still great. But there's this new game, Storage Hunter Simulator. You guys should check out. He sucked. He sucked. He sucked. Oh, God. That one was just for Mark.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Why would I dry it? That's what I say about me when I get out of the shower. I'll be wet again one day anyway. I just toss on the clothes while I'm sopping.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Question for you. So when you put the cups in the sink, you're worried about spores of horrible shit, right? Sure. Yeah. Wouldn't you be worried about the spores of horrible shit right in front of you on your desk as it is?
Distractible
Order Matters Too
So really, we should blame the car dealers for doing this to you, Mark.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Lexus, if you want to give me a car, though, call me. Just don't call me and be like, and hang up. I'm tired of that happening. I don't want the breathing anymore.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
You changed it, though, this time, right? You weren't like, I'll do that later and shove it next to the other one.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I can go first if you'd like, bud. I wouldn't want you to admit you weren't listening.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Worst prank calls ever. The middle of the night just leaves me crying. All right. Well, I guess my life is the same as it was last week. I go to Soto's every day now.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Wade. I'm the person who I open up the phone, right? You pull it out, and I immediately, before I even mess with setting up the phone, I've got the screen protector and the case going on. I do all the steps of cleaning the screen, everything else, and I get the screen protector.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Yeah, I don't know if I could afford to go there every day, but it's so good.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Because I had a phone a few years ago where I didn't do it right away, and somehow, despite following all the directions to a T of making sure I put the screen protector on... One single tiny little dust pair or whatever was like a dead center under the screen protector. And that bump drove me crazy the whole time I owned the phone.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Ah, I already bought the one, already attached it. It's there. Got it. Then I turn the phone on. I do all the setup, get to the point where I'm at like the screen where it's like, hello. And then like, you know, you have all your apps. Got my phone. Okay. If I need to log into an app, I'll deal with that when I come to it.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I'm not clicking on all those fucking things to figure out what I got to sign into and what I don't. That's future Wade's problem. Phones on.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
This would not be the worst week in the world to live on a loop. I felt a little sick last week. I wouldn't like to live the sickness over, but it was mild-ish, so I would take it. See if today changes that.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I did this somewhat recently with just like a shoe rack, like a wooden shoe rack. But you know, I've done bookcases and furniture and stuff in the past. Unlike what I do with most things I order after the box has been sitting there a while. And Molly says, Hey, really need you to set that thing up today.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I finally opened the box, which is something I usually don't do, but I opened the box and then I actually carefully pull out the wooden pieces. Cause typically with Ikea furniture, I don't know if you can put together a piece that's not like this, but all the wood is usually like that. It looks nice on the outside, but on the inside, it's a bunch of like garbled up hamster bedding bullshit. Okay.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Sure Yeah, so you do not want to scratch that shit up because once you do it's exposed so I carefully remove the boards I make sure they're all in decent shape ish And I lay them either on carpet or a lot of times I'll have like that plastic wrapping whatever in there I'll spread that out and lay it on there so that way it's not like on a hard surface I do not go through and make sure all the pieces are there.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
That's a future Wade problem. I i get the crucial first steps out there i'm like all right i've got board marked a i've got this thing marked b they go together with these three screws marked whatever so you're saying you do like find the instructions though and you go straight to instruction i go straight to the instructions i I skip the make sure you have all this stuff page.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
And I go straight to step one. And then I'm like, what the fuck is board A? How is it different than board B? And then I begrudgingly go back to the page that shows you all the pieces to see what the difference is. Like, oh, I shake my fist. Go back to step one without looking at the other pieces. So I'll be mad enough to go back to it later. And then assemble. Pretty sane and rational.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I'm the exact opposite. I get out the bare minimum of what I need and everything else stays mixed up in the jumbled mess.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Yeah. See, I don't think that way. I see the pieces and I'm like, I don't even know what I'm building. Is this a bookshelf or a couch? I don't know. I don't remember what I bought. I don't know. It's just like, if I guess at this, it's going to take more time because I will undoubtedly be wrong. Direction, save me time.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Back to couch, video game, somewhere, food, somewhere else, somewhere not here. Speed run it. I don't care about the adventure. I'm with the destination.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
The worst are whenever they give you the ones where it's like the thing technically fits and you can turn it like a quarter inch and you keep having to do that because there's no space to get your hand in or whatever. And it's like, why is this the step at this point? Couldn't they have done this better?
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I completely had forgotten already what we'd done. Yes, building the furniture.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Nice instructions make things so simple. When I get shit instructions, you guys have the improbability there with the building. If my instructions are unclear, dude, I'm like, I don't know, a flame creature who just crash landed in the ocean. I'm just like flailing about like.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
don't ever buy shit from like team you or whatever because the instructions will be pile of parts picture of a screwdriver entire bookshelf i've yes that's happened and i am totally i go on the internet to scour for help i'm like i can't possibly build a square box with four boards help me
Distractible
Order Matters Too
How many people have to wear gas masks to clean their coffee cups? I am curious.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Here's what you do. You buy a hazmat suit. You grab the coffee cup. You realize you don't have the hazmat suit. You set it down and you wait. And then you get the hazmat suit and you put it in a closet because you're going to do that later.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
where are you disappointed i'm the one who should be disappointed well i just i was on a good streak and i was like well bob went all of last year without giving a loser's speech maybe i can go all this year without giving a winner's speech but it's over so quickly so oh you know what i'll help you out buddy wade you win mark you give his winner's speech now
Distractible
Order Matters Too
I wasn't listening, but I'm incredibly disappointed. I feel like this was completely unfair and I should have won. But you did win. I heart lenses. I'm going to have some I heart lenses shirts. Render Farm, yay. Don't do what I do. Markiplier, out.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
Pure EVs. I hear you want to go with the Honda Ridgeline or the Toyota truck truck. I don't know what that's called.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
go up to the sales guy you're like i asked you if you have one that was a hybrid you said no yeah we don't have one that's a hybrid they're all hybrids yes not one that's a that's a strong sales tactic semantics it's like the solarian from mass effect very literal like i say he's not as literal you're thinking drax comic drax not movie drax yeah stupid movie drax what's that guardians of the galaxy drax he's supposed to be literal in the first one that was the whole thing but
Distractible
Order Matters Too
But the Guardians of the Galaxy video game is well written. Oh, they're all well written. It's so good. But anyway, that's my life.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
can you just plug it in and leave and stop asking questions about how stupid i am he's like you know what's wrong with this here come here i'll let me show you you hear this he's like holds up a modem you hear this sound No, exactly. You hear this sound? Sploosh, sploosh, sploosh.
Distractible
Order Matters Too
We've not been in our collective new houses that long. Why do we have old, outdated equipment?
Distractible
Peekaboo!
This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages. Id Software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise. Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on Hell itself.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Hmm. What happens if you tell it to create a makeup tutorial? Like, this is my daily skin routine. Get ready with me, video.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Anyway, sorry. My mind just exploded because I thought you did it, and I was like, I don't understand. You're good. I was about to give you permission to talk anyway, so it's fine that you did.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Well, I was gonna say, I love... I appreciate that whoever put together their, like, sample stuff... uh, had a sense of humor because one of the, one of the clips that was really popular going around was like a standup comic telling a joke and the joke, I don't remember. It was like very unfunny, which is fine.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
But then there was another one of a guy, it was like chest upshot of a guy just sitting there and he's just, it cuts to him like he's mid thought. And he just says, and that's the day that I realized I would be able to count the Way higher than any other person. And then he holds his hands up and he has like eight fingers per hand. Very funny. Very funny. Nailed it. Ten out of ten.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
You know what I got off of Amazon that is actually a crucial component of this show? My coin that I can never remember which side is heads and which side is tails.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
This is where I'd put my mental image of a brain being flossed. If I had one.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
what are you why are you doing it like that you do why do you throw it you throw it you need to you need to rely more on your you're like throwing it off your hand it's all thumb
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome back to my house. Can't imagine why they keep finding me. I'm just surprised they haven't kicked you out yet. They must really love you down there at the witness protection.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
You could have just held that up and decided it was tails. I was not watching. Well, that's not my fault. That's your fault, because I did do it. Damn you.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I feel like I have to say this might need to get cut out or bleeped out, but maybe not. I just, this is immediately what I imagined because, and that's why I lost it. Happy returns. Okay. You're a guy you're laying down on your back and you're alone and you're feeling horny. So you're jorking it and you finish up into the air and then you get covered in happy returns.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
That's true. And vomiting and happy returns in Mark's world kind of match vibes a little better, I guess. But it depends how you judge it. Bob, what is a lean away?
Distractible
Peekaboo!
It's actually a practice that's been outlawed. Modernly, there's a similar thing that you could still do. It's called layaway, which is where you pick out a product at a store and then they set it aside for you and you make payments. And when you pay it off, then you can take it home and you own the product. A lot of like furniture and stuff like that.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Lean away was actually where instead of you picking the product and then leaving the store, you had to pick the product and then work in the store and live there without leaving until you paid off the debt. And then you were allowed to take the whatever the furniture, whatever it was home with you.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
You didn't actually get to go home and lay down, but you could lean occasionally during your 24 hour, seven days a week work shifts at whatever, whatever store was selling you the thing.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Man, I gotta start thinking about more boring stuff. That one at least I buy. Like, sure.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
The guy was like, I thought he was going to tell us what somebody else said. He keeps confessing. Let's keep him in protection and see what else he admits to. He won't stop confessing. I'm in the desert.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Well, I guess it doesn't mean no worries, does it? Some worries, bro. Some worries. Some worries for Hunamakata.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Wade has said the same one every time. Can we just decide which one is on or off the cob?
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Is it on the cob or on the cob? Which one is it, Wade? You keep saying different things.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
No, Mark. Yeah, you said it. You're saying it wrong, so it must be on the cob. It must be on the cob? If I was wrong before? Because you said off the cob.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I'll be Connery, you be Sean. I'm playing for points. Off the cob, it's actually a saying. Comes out of Nebraska. Very regionally specific saying. There's a lot of corn in Nebraska. Their college mascot is the Corn Huskers. That's how corn-focused they are. And so it's just slang in Nebraska for if you've been eating too much corn lately and you're trying to cut back.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
And when someone offers you, as they do every day everywhere in Nebraska, a corn on the cob, you say, no, no, I'm on the cob. Off the cob. That was not on purpose.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I don't know anymore. I can't tell anymore, man. We did the bit too much. I don't know which one's the one.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I'm not sure if it's more specific than this or what, but I'm going to keep it kind of vague and just hope that I'm in the right ballpark. Red onion is a vegetable?
Distractible
Peekaboo!
It's a slang phrase for something. Slang phrase for a green onion that's not green enough.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
This is actually from the 60s. Oh, maybe it's more like the 80s. I don't know. It's from Group B Rally Car Racing. The radio transmissions between driver and navigator were pretty hard to understand. Kind of just shouting at each other. And the Audi team would often get into arguments or sort of get off track because they were like yelling at each other back and forth.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
So the navigator to shut it down and to get everyone back on track to make sure that they're still trying to win the race would just shout at his driver like, that's enough. Focus your audio. Because they drive an Audi. I get it.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
And he was just, he was exasperated. The yo is how you know it's serious. I get to not laugh at that, Wade. I can hear you saying that.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Well, clearly that's a compliment. And what it derives from is there was a period in time when everyone thought that Santa Claus was just the sharpest dressed man they could imagine. And as a compliment to each other, people would just like you show up at the whatever at the bar or whatever. You're like, oh, hey, look at pretty Claus Sharp tonight.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I'm in my basement. I thought we were doing location-based exclamations. I didn't want to... Sorry. You know, stuff is good. James has entered a new era, which I have not named yet, but I'm going to just say that it's very destructive, and it's mainly of his own self. He's entering a Mark era, really. Let's call it that.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
This is a derogatory name that was used to insult people of high intelligence. A room full of people and there's one person who thinks they're a smarty pants and they, like someone said something and the smart person is like,
Distractible
Peekaboo!
ah i see yeah he's too smart for his own ah he's got that bright disease i get you it makes sense it does i feel like one of us was real close to that yeah which one if it's not self-evident you might not have as much of the bright disease as i thought you did ah radiation i think your radiation was real close
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Yeah, no, those are, of course, the names of the five top fighters for the Jets gang in West Side Story. Blobber, Cabbage Hat. Pigeon, Viper, Telegram. Because your girl's going to get a telegram about how much trouble you're in after you fight them.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
And so saith the Lord, there shall appear the five horsemen of the apocalypse. Blobber, Cabbage Hat, Pigeon, Telegram, and Viper. My favorite non-canon Bible book is the Book of Viper. It's got some great stories in there.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I sort of hoped eventually he'd gain a fear of getting hurt because he's not afraid of anything. He'll just climb up on the back of the couch and he could fall and break his neck. He just does stuff like that. And he has started falling off of things now. He started falling down. He fell off the back steps on the patio because he just wasn't looking and ran off the steps. He keeps doing that.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
No, I remember that. I remember that. When John Cusack opened it on the counter in the apartment.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Bob, what is Master John Goodfellow? Mark is so close on this one. Mark is so close on this one. It is pop. It's related to pop culture. The musical Hamilton has been very popular. And then they did the movie, the Broadway recording of the movie thing, and everyone's watched it.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
And a piece of lore that actually came out from that, was popularized by that, is that was actually Alexander Hamilton's name for his penis. And there were some cut lines from the musical where he talks about how he introduced a fair lady to his master, John Goodman. Wait, what was it? Master John Goodfellow. What?
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Mark, you're just so convincing. I just immediately, whatever your reality is, I'm there.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I think we've done that one. If we could come up with a single one that was completely novel, I think it would be a success.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Okay. This cannot, it does not get more logical than what I'm about to drop on you. Way up high in trees. It's the nest that the Phoenix lives in. I promise you logic. You delivered. Are you not entertained? I make funny ones, you scoff at me. I make logical ones, you scoff at me. There's no winning here. I just didn't expect it to be so logical.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
but he doesn't act like he gets hurt. Like he falls, he fell onto his face. He missed this last step, fell onto his face off the back deck onto a concrete patio. And we were like, oh! And he just stood up and was like, I thought kids cried a lot. He does cry when he gets when he like hurts himself sometimes. But when he really eats it, nothing. He doesn't get scared.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Mrs. Fub's Parlor. Mrs. Fub's Parlor. That is the most popular ice cream shop in the Jersey Shore area. Jersey Shore area.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Feeling good about how long those lists are. I'm going to spin the How Many Wheel. Wheel says... One bonus point. Alright, was it gonna go to listeners or viewers? Viewers. Calling it now. Committing. Viewers. Double or nothing. Oh! So fucking close! Best looking.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
i i didn't shower like i showered yesterday morning so it's been like more than a day since i've showered are you trying to talk yourself out of the point or into it i'm just being honest like i don't know how i look to you guys i feel pretty grimy i'm not feeling like i look that great i showered just yesterday i'm on vacation i'm so rested and relaxed i'm glowing practically
Distractible
Peekaboo!
No, come on. Come on, do it. Come on. Come on. Come on, do it. Come on. Come on. Oh, there you go.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
But why would it zoom in? That's really confusing, yeah. Well, you're the host, Wade. I don't know what we're talking about anymore, but it's your call.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
He's just like, oh, that's cool. And then just continues. It's like he's just going to keep doing crazier and crazier shit. He's not learning to be afraid for his safety at all. He's like the next Evel Knievel? I don't know. It seems bad, but also he's like, he's fine. Like, he's getting scraped up, but otherwise, meh, he's fine. I'm gonna trust him. He's two and a half now.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
It starts at number one on the list and proceeds from there procedurally. You open, you edit, you save.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Sounds pretty much like Linux, but those are all just like command lines, right? Plus, can't you just download those all into one directory and then be like, well, look at this folder. Install all of that shit.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
It's actually a different thing that you could install first, but you have to install the main software, and then there's about 30 plugins that you install for that. But then once you have that, then you can install other software with all the plugins all included.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I think we used to have neighbors named Rocky and Alma. It sounds like meme coins. Oh, it's Glef and Mimped and Gorpi and Purple. Yep, that is pretty much it. Well, you used Linux back when we met in college. You were familiar with Linux, right? No.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Well, a lot of my buddies went into software engineering stuff. Ubuntu was what I had on my other partition on the laptop that I used when we lived together. My laptop that I got for college was half Windows 7, half original Ubuntu distribution. Wow. Way back. So that goes back. And that was not new when I was using it then, I don't think either. Damn, man.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Basically. You know, it's funny. I know Wade's doing this as a joke. All of that, you were going through, Mark, and in the back of my mind, I was like, I have been considering switching my web browser lately. That's going to be tough. I feel what Mark's feeling.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
Look, listen, I'm I'm dug in. OK, I've been using I've been using Chrome since it came out and I know that it's awful. And if I didn't have such ridiculously overpowered computers, I would never get away with this. But I'm so afraid to change. It's going to be so hard. And there's probably Linux involved or something. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, Mark?
Distractible
Peekaboo!
if there's a person in the exact right position at bmw or at like the shipping line or whatever who is it who listens to this and heard you talking about it and was like let's just fuck with him let's just send his car everywhere how far can we get wade to travel to pick up his car well turns out you got to go to baltimore if you want your car it's definitely in the port there maybe
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I think the tweet was right. Wade's car's in the ocean. Editors, put Mark's head in the ocean. Look at all the Guam.
Distractible
Peekaboo!
I don't know why, but I thought you were doing a bit. I thought you said that the way Colin Mochrie says his news reporter names. You were like, I'm your host, Wade, because I won again.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Na, wenn du sie mit Leck-basierter Farbe bekommst, verhindern sie das Negative. Richtig.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
No, don't inflate them! No! Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what the point of painting them pink even was, if they were just gonna like... Because it was a girl, Wade. But what did they do with the pigeons?
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
But in what context? Was it like they started eating a cake and pink pigeons came out of the cake like strippers?
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
If this is Florida and they're Florida Man pigeons, they're like, dude, we've seen worse than this. Getting painted pink. David ends in Y. Wade's doing some sleuthing on this one.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Well, the pigeons could still end up dead from where we were at the end of the Bob's Tale. Everything dies.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
And these pigeons, they let people catch them. They're chill. Like I said, they've seen some shit. These are Florida pigeons. This is a Florida man story.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
There's some really short-legged flamingos in the park. They're called babies.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Ich habe eine Frage, bevor wir diese Frage beantworten. Welche Flugzeuge? Es ist eigentlich Südwest.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I have no way to hide anything. There's no hair to cover anything.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I think I've also got to go not Florida, but only because this took place in an airport. And that means that this person got far enough into an airport and is allowed in an airport. It's hard to believe that they could really be true Florida man.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I think it's like a coming-of-age thing where everyone has their Florida-Man-Ritual they've gotta do.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Like that Truth or Dare Jenga game where it's like the Florida man, like, what are you gonna have to do? Let's play Jenga to find out. You must low-speed chase through airport on luggage.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I could tell she wasn't true Florida, though. She got too far into the airport.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
That's probably true. It probably would feel good. But I'm wearing glasses because I always wear glasses when no one's looking at me. But also, I took out my contacts last night and boy, oh boy, my left eye was just watering for about an hour and a half. And I was like, something's not right. I might have like a slight corneal abrasion or something going on.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I have an inclination here. I'm going to say not Florida, but I'm going to go as far as to say not Florida. Yes, Kentucky.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Maybe you've heard of this story before or something, is that what this is? No, it just gives me, listen man, I've been, I didn't abandon Ohio, I've just, I'm used to Kentucky, man.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Well, he was able to carry a weapon of some kind and he was able to leave. Well, he had a marriage. I guess I can't say successful. He had a marriage. He was going through a hard time. Everyone goes through hard times. Perhaps if he had medical procedures done, they were done well enough where he is okay.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
had parents that were still together. That leads me to say not Florida. We have a lot of biases against Florida, I'm realizing as I talk this out.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I'm like, man, there's some good stuff about this guy, so it can't be Florida.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I mean, doesn't this sound like, if you didn't read it like he did, Bob might have read it, you know, like...
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I would have given you more descriptions, but I really had to sneeze.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Hey, we are Florida man before they get old, retire and go to Florida.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I also knew this story because that was my cousin. That would be really funny.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
So, her decision was, while drunk, let's drive. Already terrible, about as bad as it can get. But let's also drive to the police station.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
This one feels like it could be anywhere, but she's a Florida gal. Oh, it's picking up something.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I think what he's saying is the GPS was also drunk and that only happens in Florida. Its water cooling was twice the limit.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
This greedy asshole had a skateboard and thought he needed to steal a car, too. How many wheels do you need?
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
He just happened to know how to skateboard and stole a truck with a skateboard and it was like, there's no way they'll stop me. He's got a getaway contingency for his getaway.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I knew this had a Pacific kind of like California warm weather feel. Yeah, there's no warm weather in Florida.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
What a foul play. Negative point. They left a paltry amount of meat on the bone.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Here's the problem. Walmart is the Florida of stores. So any Walmart is capable of having this happen.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I just wanted to let you know, man, Walmart is the place that that stuff happens. It changes you. It's like the full moon for a werewolf. It brings out something in you to be in a Walmart.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Yeah, dude. I was being propelled. I was on my skateboard, just like... This feels not quite Florida Manny enough, but that's exactly why it probably was Florida. I'm gonna go with Florida.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
This is fucked, but my imagination was he goes to the house the guy's in and is like, it says that there's like munitions in here. You have to sign for this, sir. Who ordered the five grenades?
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I'm feeling like a New England-y vibe here. That's not a state? I'll be more specific, I guess. Um, Maine, Vermont, New England, Florida... Hold on. I'm definitely not gonna eeny, meeny, miny, moe this. I know which state I think this is. Which one is it? That's really the only thing that matters. Massachusetts.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Jacksonville is home to a lot of Florida man stories. I think he's trying to trick me. I will not be tricked.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I was getting crushed every guess. I was like, man, Mark and I are guessing the same thing every time.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Well, two of those were the last one, right? I only got two other ones he didn't.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
We just wanted you to feel like you were in it, man. We are in this together, Mark. Just like a construction worker on a skateboard. We're gonna ride this out. Sigh.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Wade, Winterspeech. Thank you, Bob, for another fun one. I don't know why Mark said he got destroyed. I feel like we're really close. We're neck and neck. We have been the whole time. I feel like that's a bit exaggerated. We're probably within one point of each other, honestly, if we're not tied. As an Ohio man, I've got a lot of connections to Florida and Florida men.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I hang out with a couple regularly, so I can tell the Florida vibe because I live the Florida vibe. Because Ohio is just Florida that's not retired yet.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I have an announcement, a distractible announcement to make. Whoa, yeah! Little ways back, we were sitting here talking and I brought up to you all a game called Anabi. And I was like, man, I'm having a real hard time finding these tiles. And boy, oh boy, did I get a lot of people reaching out like a toy store, a local toy store here in Cincinnati came across my purview, if you will.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I forget the name of it. I think it's called Westchester Toys. And I went over there and they had three Hanabi Tilesets. Just in stock. Apparently not in demand. Whereas all around the world, it's like next to impossible to find. It won't stay on eBay or Amazon or anywhere else and not find it. Oh mein Gott, wir haben es! Wir öffnen es, wir beginnen ein Spiel zu spielen.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Ich schaue nach ihrem Set, richtig? Und für diejenigen, die wissen, was ich gerade beschreiben wollte, ihr wisst, wenn ihr nicht wisst, wie das Spiel funktioniert, dann erzählt ihr einander durch zwei verschiedene Art und Weise, welche Tile sie haben, damit sie wissen, was sie spielen. Es ist kooperativ, aber ihr wisst nicht, was ihr habt und ihr müsst euch sagen oder ihnen sagen.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Also ich versuche, Molly zu erzählen, sie hat diesen blauen 4 und diesen blauen 5. Und es gibt nur einen blauen 5 im ganzen Spiel. So if she accidentally plays that at the wrong time, it's gone forever and we can't win. And right as I'm getting ready to tell her she has this blue 5, she plays a clue and she's like, Wade, you have a blue 5. I knew I had a 5, she's like, it's blue.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
And I was like, I gotta take Molly to the eye doctor because like... She doesn't know blue.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Like I'm looking at a blue five. There's only one blue five. So my poor wife, I think she's losing her color sight. She's getting colorblind. So I gotta go help her out. Is that the announcement? We're getting there. So big reveal happens and come to find out there are two blue fives. There are four blue fours, four blue threes, four blue twos, six blue ones. Das sind zu viele.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Das sind zweimal so viele, wie es sein sollte. Und dann schaue ich mich um und denke, man, das ist seltsam. Keiner der grünen Teile wurde gespielt. Wie haben wir einfach alle grünen Teile verpasst? Wir haben sie alle überschritten. Es gibt keine grünen Teile in diesem Set. Wir haben einen Missprint mit doppelten Blüten, keine grünen.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Und ich dachte mir, verdammt, das ist nicht mal ein cooles Kollektor-Misprint, wie ein schadloser Charizard oder so, weil man literally nur zwei Sets kaufen kann und die Farben auswählen und dann sagen kann.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
No, Matt's better. Matt's always better. Ja, ich habe jetzt zwei Sets von Anabitiles und ich bin wirklich gespannt. Molly und ich haben gespielt. Ich weiß nicht, ob ich das Bild zeigen kann. Wir haben ein perfektes Spiel bekommen, was wirklich cool war. Nicht mit dem Bonus-Set, weil es technisch ein 6-Set gibt, mit dem man spielen kann.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Nun, das ist der, ohne das Grüne. Wir enden mit dem Bonus-Rainbow-Set anstatt des Grüns. Aber wir haben ein perfektes Spiel bekommen. Das war kurz nach Molly's Surgery, also ist sie so wie, nicht mein Gesicht da reinzunehmen. Anyway, Hanabi acquired. Thank you, Internet.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
And then our sets can mate and make baby sets and we can sell them for profit.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I know this is less exciting, because in the context of not being lenses, you don't care, but this is my lenses.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
No, I'm just kidding. Servers and lenses, man. You've got a lot of making up to do to get your social up.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Wir waren mit dir in einem Topgolf. Wir haben gesehen, dass du das Backnetz gespielt hast.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Straight to the top. I yearn for settlers of Catan. You even own other cameras. You don't even have to move your camera. You literally own another camera that I know exists that would be perfect for that. That really nice one that Mark got, yeah, it's sitting in a perfect spot to film an obby.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
I've got the exact amount of microphones I need to record it right now. Can't be bothered. No, that's about right. Good small talk, everybody.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
So is it possible that these people have been to Florida, caught Florida, left, and then done something...
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Because you can take the man out of Florida, but you can't take the Florida out of the man. So that's interesting.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
It's basically a pandemic down there, but I think it is starting to spread a little bit.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
Well, different kind. The Florida Man Pandemic. Florida Mandemic.
Distractible
Florida or No Florida?
What's wrong with Florado? It's like a drink, a tornado, Florida Man all in one. It's what plants crave. Floroade.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
actually me is a bitch and i would just deal with it and be annoyed but i would just deal with it i'm putting it down a point for actually a bitch yeah that's just the truth of the matter i i very much when i'm in a restaurant whatever happens unless my food's wrong then i'm nice i'm like hey this is wrong can i get it fixed i will not eat bad i want my food right but uh as far as like bad service i just deal with it i'm like you know this sucks they're probably having a shit day i can get mad but what's that gonna do that might spit in my food i'm just gonna
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
suck it up and deal with it you want some good illegal advice yes i do at this particular place i believe you do get bread so i would get the bread i would stuff some in a bag or just hide it or just ask for some more to go just keep getting bread wait outside like hiding in a bush until close figure out where this person's car is
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
And then now that you know which car is theirs, you come back the next day, and you stuff all the bread in their exhaust pipes when they go to leave, their car just explodes. That'll fucking teach them.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
It's a really long, that wire that catches fire before the dynamite explodes. Fuse?
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
That's the word. I'm going to be, you guys realize the older I get, the scarier I will become because I have the worst memory of anyone I know right now. And it's all downhill from here when I can't remember the word fuse.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I go descriptor. I'm like, you know, I can't think of the thing I'm thinking of. So long fire cord. Leads to dynamite booms.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Yeah, and as they're, like, screaming for help, you drop a banner that just says, we'll be right with you. And then remember us, party of eight, in parentheses. Yeah.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Make sure they really know. And then you get some art made of you guys at the table so that they really know.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I also know the term nickel bag from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Every time I do, they make me high. I think we both went the wrong way on this, Bob. What did Mark say at the start? He's like, when you're here, you're family or whatever. So what we should have done, we should have kidnapped the waiter or waitress, taken them someplace, concreted their feet. And then when they ask why, we go, because we were family. You didn't treat us like family.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I'm Ohio mob. But yeah, I was supposed to be. You let down the family. You let down the family.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
All right, it is an option. All right, but what if you find your server's crush and you have a kid and you leave the kid on their doorstep as your final revenge? They've got to raise your kid with their crush.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
What you do is you help them hook up where they get to have sex, but it turns out they're at Camp Crystal Lake where having sex is a death sentence and then Jason Voorhees comes and machetes him.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Problem solved forever. I can't believe you did an entire episode about Olive Garden. All right, we got some more, Bob. Let's go back.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Not Southwest anymore, apparently. Do you see what they're getting away with? They're stopping their one thing people liked, which was the free bags.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I don't know why I picture them all looking like Fonzie, but out of Thriller and kind of walking like with their hands going like this and like bent leg as they approach the belt. Exactly that.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
You just burst a bunch of stink bombs inside of it. Then you turn on the fog.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Wade, what do you got? All right, here's what you do. You've been waiting. They come up. They think they're all smooth, right? They're smooth sliding by. You get right in front of you like, oh, pardon me. And they get right in front of you to get their bag. Well, that's why you carry around your travel sandpaper. You get your travel sandpaper out. You put it on the conveyor belt.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
And slowly their skin just gets ripped off by the sandpaper. Then their bag comes and boops their nose just to rub it in even further.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
It's a good size like square, but you do have to like rub it. Wait for it to come around, rub it again.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
All right. I get there early. Like before I like the pre-flight long time. And I know a guy who works at the airport. So I get some time to set up. You're waiting for your bag. Everyone's got their like generous three feet. We'll call it three feet of space. Put them in the conveyor belt. And then people start coming in. They get close. And then they're like the little err, err.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
And you hear the conveyor start to go. But as that triggers, something else triggers. And everyone standing within that one foot radius of the conveyor belt
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
They were there too early. Oh, fucking Chris Pratt. And then they lift up, and you got your space to get your bags if you were patiently waiting the correct amount of space.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Well, you bring your little shit bag out, pull it on out of your backpack, a little shit bag for the little shits that you have to deal with when you're at the aquarium. Is it a bag for shit? No, no, no. For little shits, little shits, like with a hyphen, not little shits, but little shits. Thank you.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
okay got it so you go on etsy or amazon one of these sites you order a captain america outfit you put it on you're running up behind them as they're walking to get the path and you say on your left and then they hopefully move out of the way and you pass All right. That's such a wild swings from. Hey, listen, I give you a variety of options. You choose what level of intensity you want to go.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
If you think it's an even one, I'm okay with respins on this if we can't figure it out.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I laughed really hard at my own stuff, Bob's stuff. Like, I think we all had some bangers, so I don't know.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
All right. Wade. I'm happy to be someone's muse if that's what it is. I just enjoy the laughter. I think laughing and smiling is so much better than the alternative. So even if I lose, knowing that we got to laugh, even if no one watching or listening laughed, I laughed. I found us hilarious. And that's all that really matters. What a hot take. Laughter fun.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Blocking babies off the backboard. Complaining to the refs when the baby trips me.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Mark, I think you're going to relate to my small talk a little bit. Okay. The deer. The damn deer, man. Yes! I'm giving you a point right away. I don't even know what it's about, but I know. Outside, it is nice. It's warming up. But here in Cincinnati, we had a lot of snow. And we had a really wet period where it was like snow and rain and snow and rain.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
And apparently the deer going through our yard, I don't know what happened, but they have made a muck of everything. There's just deer prints and hooves. Molly has bird feeders. The bird feeders are like half destroyed. One of them is like half buried in the mud. It looks like the Planet of the Apes scene where like the Statue of Liberty heads on the ground or whatever.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
It's just a total nightmare out there. And around every spot of our yard that looks awful, deer hoof prints everywhere. Annihilated it. We should annihilate them back. I thought about putting on some deer hoof shaped shoes and walking on them. And then I realized none of that would work. So I'm still working on a plan.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I don't think it would attract them unless they're like the step on me weighty. Like, I don't know if they'd like that.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
You were going to say for all you hunters out there, go to Wade's house.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I'm going to wake up like, open the curtains, just be nothing but deer blinds my entire yard. Deer blinds? That's what they're called, right? The things people post up and hunt deer?
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I have one time, and I didn't shoot anything because I couldn't bring myself to do it, but my friend was a hunter, and he's like, yeah, you gotta come with me. I hated every second of it. I was like, oh god, I hope you miss. I was like the anti-hunter. I was like, do I tackle him to save the deer? What do I do?
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
It was not a pleasant experience for me. I've always admitted to being a hypocrite. I can eat meat, but if I had to hunt my own food, I would starve to death.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
There are okay some. Well, I'm just saying. What are we, live on stage in Pittsburgh? Hey, it's better than what happened with Tyler in France. Or Ethan in Zalberg.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I just love that we started off like pre-show. We're like, all right, we're not going to do any funny accents. We're just going to do our show normally. And the first thing Ethan did was the berg.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I hate watching deer go around with their big proboscis sucking blood out of wolves and coyotes. Good. Can you imagine? The vampire deer. What would a deer mosquito be called? A daquito? No.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
I thought he was going to, like, put on a mustache and be like, all right, I'll be your waiter.
Distractible
Illegal Advice Too
Oh, that's the eating section. You were in the waiting section. Right.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
This is big pool. Pool. All right. Big pool. Big pool. Big pool of money. Big pool of rug.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
And if you think that you've worn out your luck, you can re-gift it to give someone else the bad.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Yes. just money pick yourself up by the bootstraps and rebuild if i take all of your cash and run i have to say i didn't think i'd be able to get such an adrenaline rush at such a low budget i'm gonna have to go with wade's
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
sorry i just thought it would burst out if i couldn't stop myself guns is that it you got anything else to yeah wade's got guns small talk go for it oh man well i've been shotgunning some christmas treats because boy oh boy we've had so many different kinds and we found i forget what if linda or whatever the brand is they've got like the little ball chocolate but they've got like the lint truffles
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
I found on Amazon the Sun Marie six tier tree bookshelf. it's kind of like it's a square base cabinet with like one shelf and then there's the top like some flat space on the edge but then there's like crisscrosses going up it looks like there's like one two three four ish crisscross type things that you can store books and stuff on
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
and it's only 39 bucks so there's 10 to spare to either get you one book to put on your tree or decorations to put on there because the nice thing is even if you're not a book reader sometimes bookshelves just make you look elegant and like smarter than we actually are you can have this in that people like oh this guy's got some taste look at this bookshelf he's got some books on there and you don't have to have to open them because like who gives a
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
It's wood. It looks nice. There's four different color options. You get the four tier or the six tier. Is the four tier $39 or is the six tier $39? So right now it's on sale and the sixth tier was on sale for $39.99. It's normally $49.99. The fourth tier is actually $29.99. I think the different colors come on with the different prices as well. But no, actually those aren't changing it either.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Interesting. Oh, white is more expensive right now. The brown, which is the nice wood brown color, $39.99. I like that.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Yeah, the image, they've got a couple of little baskets, some like coffee cups, a clock, a little plant.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
I'm sure you could like pottery up or get like a custom, like clay thing made that would fit there. Yeah. You know, I love to make pottery. I mean, I made an ashtray in like first grade for my mom, which I don't think you could get away with in school nowadays, but it was out of like a leaf imprint. It was actually an ashtray on purpose.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Yeah, well, I was a kid and I was like, what would my mom like? An ashtray. And my teacher was like, that's fine. Different times probably than now. Yeah, kind of different times.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Well, they've got like a bark, like the peppermint bark style of like little Lindor ball. I think it's a Lindor ball, but it's like a cookie almost. Dude, it's so good.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Because I usually just like we either. I'm going to give you a sad point. A breaking sad. I remember that reference.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Man, I'm off to a great start. Anyway, this time of year is very dangerous. A lot of sugary treats, and I am devouring all of them. I've had some rough nights, not gonna lie, for the amount of sugar I've been pounding. I can't handle it like I used to. I'm getting older. What, you get, like, acid from that?
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Oh, I looking at it. It looks more like 90% sock, 10% sneaker. You've had your turn. High five. There you go.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Couple things about this. One, this is a guy whose ankle can do a full 360, so it's already a little unstable.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Two, you can always re-gift someone you don't like if you think it's dangerous. Wait, I have a gift for you. Yeah, what's up, man? What you got? It's a candle. Oh, thanks. I like candles. They smell good. Yeah, this one doesn't. That's the joke. Oh.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Enjoy your new sock shoes. Break a leg. Don't don't put that on me.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
I've got bad acid reflux and sugar and like acidy foods are really bad for me. Like pretty much anything is bad for me to eat late at night. But like sugar and things like pizza, pizza, for example, the absolute worst thing I can eat. If I eat pizza after like 8 p.m., even if I don't go to bed till 4 a.m., I'm laying down with acid reflux and that's a genetic inheritance.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
you know what's more fun than watching tv is having your fortune presented to you i introduce zoltar the fortune telling animated prop wait you could get a zoltar for under twenty thousand dollars sixteen thousand in fact oh my god oh my god i was gonna get you a large glass gingerbread house for exactly twenty thousand that had no dimensions listed oh wow
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
but it's just a large glass gingerbread house large enough to go inside of or like large look up the waterford w-a-t-e-r-f-o-r-d waterford large gingerbread house 20 grand no dimensions listed no idea how big or small it is oh god i don't think it's that big it's not that big it's not very big at all
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Waterford Large Gingerbread House. I've got a SKU number. 20 grand. I'm sure this website I'm on with all the pop up ads is very trustworthy.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
I got acid reflux from my dad. He had it really bad, too. So that's crazy.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
pick marks what shako the evil clown i don't want that energy anywhere near me shako the evil clown hey six thousand three hundred dollars for shako you get that and zoltar wait i don't i don't like scary things well keep the fucking little kids away on halloween man as a decoration i have a little kid keep them away no
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
I lay down and it's just like immediately I feel my entire esophagus just burning like the burps start coming and it's just pain. You know, they make medicines for that. You take anything? Take a little Pepsod or something? I should. I need to talk to my doctor about my acid reflux.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
I know what you care about more than 3D printing, and that's $50,000 worth of gift cards to various companies that make phone cases. Phone cases! Because you go through more than $50,000 worth of those a month.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
It's a gift that keeps on giving. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a variety of gift cards to different companies that make phone cases.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Nope. Definitely a couple of those in case you change your mind. You never know. I will not.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
No. Couple things you can do. Tums are supposed to be really bad for you. So I try to take them very sparingly. But if I prop myself up to where I'm kind of laying with my head at least and body at like a bit of an angle, it doesn't come up as bad. It's like the flatter I lay, the more the acid just comes pouring out of my stomach and out of my ears. Hate it. Ass reflux sucks.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
You have a lifetime left to live, man. You don't know how much they're going to cost in like 20 years.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
So I've got a variety of things here. A hundred grand's a lot, you know, that's not, that's more than just getting you like a Jared Goff jersey. I'm looking at memorabilia that you can display. I'm looking at like signed Barry Sanders rookie cards. I'm looking at like Joe Burrow worn jerseys because you're a Lions guy. You're a Bengals guy. I think those are mainly your two teams.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
so far it's looking like a hallway like i found what is this a grade i think this is a grade 10 barry sanders signed rookie card for 7 500 but i mean there's cheaper right you go down to the eight and a half quality and it's 500 bucks which is a lot yeah i would assume that barry sanders card is probably pretty pricey for what it is because that's i'm even thinking if you go quality you know nine and a half ten that's a couple grand few grand that adds up 100 grand is like you can have a display
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
no that'd be a pretty you can have you can have quite a few things especially if you get some go for like maybe one high end and then get a little more reasonable stuff just to have like a good collection yeah and i'm assuming more recent players are probably slightly less expensive like barry sanders is kind of like a lion's legend like if i'm looking for tom brady's first jersey worn ever in a game that's probably gonna be a lot of money but like you know just a he played football for 50 years so there's probably a jersey it's pretty cheap but like that'd be a good one to show to tyler he loves that guy
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Candy and sugary treats love, but they don't play nice together. This is like a we're getting older kind of issue. I am. We all are.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
We buy, sell, and trade quality used sports and fitness gear. Oh, do you not know Play It Again, Wade? Nope, I did not.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Reverting back. Did you have a kid we don't know about and you're like having blood transfusions every day with?
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
And adventure could mean a lot of things. It could mean one big item, or it could mean you want a multitude of adventures. So what if I get you some assorted scuba gear? 15K, $1,200 wetsuit. All right, enough with the water. What if you want to go hiking, backpacking, adventuring? There's a $44,000 backpack, the Calibre X Machine 56 KFTEX. What if you want to go into, I don't know, Chernobyl?
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
How about a $6,000 hazmat suit? How about some $33,000 binoculars? How about an all-terrain vehicle for $33,500? And you know what? Why not a cool 45-foot boat on the ocean while we're at it too? The 2015 Bluewater 100K. All totaling up to $240,000. What a random smattering of adventure. Any adventure you want, man. I've been trying to plan for it.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
That might be a couple gaps, but that's pretty thorough. I forgot shoes. I own shoes. But you got flippers.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Man, was I digging after I was like, oh, that's enough gear. And I was like, the total was like 100,000. I was like 150,000 left. I got to buy a helicopter. I couldn't afford that.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Well, yeah, but you're not using the hazmat suit if you don't go to a hazardous area, but you got it.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Didn't you chew me out for pandering to Mark like two episodes ago?
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
uh calibre x machine 56 kf slash tex underscore g13 level carrier futuristic backpack i feel like that's just a scam to separate rich people from their money who think they're buying a cool backpack oh it says not for sale in brackets here
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
No, I think they'll say, well, do you want the first one? Do you want the one with Halle Berry and the two puppies? Or do you want the stairs? We have three courses.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
But there'll be like a layer of hundreds on top to make it look like it's all big.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
All of that and a Playing Against Sports. I don't know if all of those items qualify as luxury. I feel like they count as adventure. Other topic.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
You know what? I got to concede the point. He's right. You see a guy with three tour buses. You're like, man, why?
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
really laid into it it was like a real-time scene right like there's like a timer or something and like you can see the real-time timer going down as this whole guns if i remember right it's really cool it was it was very cool i can't believe it's a starter course good luck that's a starter course in order to get on to the next one you have to fall down the stairs like the entirety of the way if you don't make it all the way down you gotta do it again what are you a slinky i'm about to be so one of the top pushes you you only make it halfway and they're like that
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
As the poor common man, I really felt like I started at a disadvantage. Mark clearly knows how much all these items are because he owns them all from being a rich elite one-percenter. But you know, I thought my ideas were great, and now I'm stuck with $50,000 worth of phone case gift cards, all of those adventuring items. I got a Zoltar.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Yeah, I was able to afford the breathing one, and then I got the gibbity the clown or whatever the fuck his name was.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
God, I love my humor. I love me and I will always laugh at me. You always have at least one laugh, possibly only one, but time will tell.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Dude, I was so upset. This is a weird side tangent. What was it? Ace Ventura, whenever like they go to find him and he's like, he does the slinky on like the temple steps and it goes down like 5,000 steps, but it stops on the very last one before hitting the bottom. That like something in me needed it to complete its course. That's, that's bothered me since that movie came out in 1995 or whatever.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
You know, it'll be a lot harder to make a I'm in the hospital video from prison. You can't really do like a guys. I'm in prison.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Oh, yeah, man. I don't know. I just like went to talk and like an air bubble or a water bubble or a bubble of some kind was just like.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
we gotta please please ah that stares you roll a d20 to see what course you get that's a weird weirdly luck-based uh educational system they have over there in california it's crazy do you get like is it like a permit like if you are able to like like what do you get from a training course that would help in like a movie scene
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
So that's fair. I just you would think like there would be some kind of certification or something that's like when you're. Like, let's say you're trying to hire someone who can really make the, like, sell this as, like, an extra or something. Like, having, like, oh, they've been through 10 of these courses versus two. You'd think there'd be something for tracking that.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Do you need a permit for- I do that all the time, is that illegal? Oh no, it was like the other hand's shooting with one hand on the wheel.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
No, it was still like, pooh, pooh, pooh, you know, some guns make pooh.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Anyway, that's all I got. I think I did small talk. I don't remember.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Oh, cookies! I thought about the cookies, man, this time of year. He was shotgunning Christmas treats, that's what it was. Yeah, my new movie, Breaking Shad Gun.
Distractible
Merry Christmas, Bob!
Breaking... You know, shotgun? S-H-A-D? I swear, mom, it's not a breaking fad.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
This was shared to me. This is not my history. I have no idea what the fuck this is. What is this?
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich schwöre an Gott, das ist das, was es auch automatisch gespielt hat. Was zur Hölle? Gott, ich weiß, dass mein nächstes unmögliches Let's Play... Das No-Hands-Challenge.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Das sah nie so aus. Nichts von dem, was wir erlebt haben, als wir da oben waren, sah so aus. Das ist das Wichtigste, was die Leute in diesem Kontext realisieren müssen. Es ist keine Überzeugung, zu sagen, dass das Hurricane-Force-Winde waren. It was as if a hurricane rolled in and instead of rain, it was fire. That's legitimately what it was.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
When these fires were cropping up and there's some allegedly arson that was occurring, which, you know, I don't know exactly specifically what the circumstances of that is. Es ist alles noch zu überprüfen. Einer von ihnen scheint ein elektrisches Feuer zu sein.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es scheint, dass Eton... Es kam ein Video dazu, dass Eton definitiv die Basis eines großen Power-Transformers startete, der für Transfers über große Distanz geht. Das war ein gewisser Risiko. Das, worum die Leute am meisten Sorgen waren, war, dass der Wind Power-Polen in random Orten knacken würde. Das würde die elektrische Linie verursachen, die ein Feuer erzeugen würde. Das war die größte Angst.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Das Problem ist, dass man nicht überall Augen hat. Die Berichtung musste von den Bürgerinnen und Bürgern sein, die gesagt haben, dass da ein Feuer ist. So, the sources of it are indeterminate to the result of it at this point, right now at this juncture. Down the road, you know, blame can be assigned and sources can be met.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
But it should be reiterated, just to combat anything out there, that there was nothing... Nichts, was in diesem Moment getan werden könnte. Verbrechbar ist eine andere Frage, aber auch die besten Pläne im Sinne eines unvorhergesehenen Events wie dieses sind wirklich scheißartig.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Viele der Feuerwehrleute sagten sogar, während sie durch die Alta Dina-Ferre weitergingen, dass sie trainieren für residentiale Feuerwerke, aber für ein Haus, ein typisches Hausfeuer, brauchen sie drei Motorräder, richtig? Drei Motorräder. Es gab 5.000 Häuser auf Feuer.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es gibt nicht genug Feuerfahrer in der Stadt, es gibt nicht genug Feuerfahrer in der Stadt, um sicherlich 15.000 Feuerfahrer in jedem Haus anzubieten, um diese Art von Feuer zu besitzen. Das ist einfach unnötig. Man kann sich dafür nicht vorbereiten, man kann sich dafür nicht trainieren.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es ist eine andere Sache, es vorher zu bekommen, aber wiederum, mit den Winden gibt es keine Drohnen, keine Luftversorgung ist überhaupt möglich. Und das ist das Hauptobjekt und die Hauptwaffe, um diese Feuer zu kämpfen. Und ich bin kein Experte, aber ich habe in den letzten Tagen viel gelernt, wie diese gemacht werden. Und ich habe zuerst gesehen, worum es ging. Es war verrückt.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Die größte Unterschiede zwischen der Verbreitung dieser Feuer, denke ich. Habt ihr die Hollywood Hills Feuer gesehen, die nach dem Eaten Fire begonnen hat? Ein bisschen, ja. Ich habe viele Clips gesehen, aber ich weiß nicht, von der anderen, von dem, was ich gesehen habe. So, I watched this unfold live with the other people that we're sheltering up with.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
We watched it from the very beginning, the first moment, because the WatchDuty app said immediately there is a new fire within a certain mile radius of where you are. So we turned on the news and we could see there was a chopper on the scene looking at it being like... Das Feuer ist ein Problem. Er hat literally die Straße ausgesprochen, weil es so nah an allem war.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Die Straße dort, die müssen sie evakuieren. Er hat es ausgesprochen und gesagt, mit dieser Urgenz. Aber die Unterschiede sind, dass die Winden zu ruhig genug waren. Nein, nein, nein, Mark. Wir müssen das politisieren.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Anyway, the difference being they could make airdrops on that fire. So I saw them. And there was some good drops. Have you guys seen any of the clips of the water drops that just extinguish a whole hillside?
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Das ist verrückt. Es ist that crazy, I'm sure. But they're very skilled at what they do. And what I was told, that I never even considered, is as they're dropping, they have to change their trajectory based on the different weight dropping out of the ship.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
So they gotta anticipate that, know exactly what correction to make as the water is leaving, because the weight of the plane is just dropping like a rock, or like a giant pile of water. Yeah, no, they're very, very good at what they do. It is incredible. And just like again and again, Boom, boom, boom, mehr Wasser. Boom, boom, boom. Es ist verrückt.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Und es ist einfach seltsam zu denken, weil mit dem Eden-Fall hatten wir 5.000 Häuser, die sich zerstört haben. Palisades war größer, ist größer, ist immer noch größer. Jetzt, als ich spreche, ist der Palästinenser nicht verpackt. Es ist in einer besseren Situation, als es vorher war, aber es ist absolut nicht verpackt. Das gleiche gilt für den Eden-Fall. Es ist nicht verpackt.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Sie bewerben den Verpacken, weil sie es verpacken können, basierend auf dem Kontrollen des Ausgleichs. Das ist also, wenn sie einen Perimeter erschaffen, den es nicht überschreiten kann. Und sie denken, das ist verpackt. Aber sie können es nicht verpacken, bis sie sich dort umdrehen und physisch bemerken, um sicherzustellen, dass es keine Hot-Spots gibt, die über ihre Verpackungslinie verpacken.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es dauert ein bisschen, um das Verurteilung zu bekommen, aber auch jetzt, die Palisades waren mehr, es war größer. Also jeder, der immer sagt, oh Mann, sie hatten nicht genug Wasser oder Elon machte sich einen Arsch aus vor dem L.A. Feuerkanzler. Oh, ich habe eine Seite-Tange über diesen Mann.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Gott, das war so, und er geht immer noch, auch jetzt, er ist immer noch auf dem Weg, nur Lüge nach Lügen und so viele Leute sind einfach.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
His Elden Ring build should have been the most obvious of terrible, terrible, terrible skills in gaming.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich bin sicher, dass er viel Gutes getan hat, aber man, er... Anyway, es ist, es ist, was, was über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über und über Wasserdruck abhört den Regeln der Physik. Und Reservoirs sind einer bestimmten Größe, egal was man sagen kann oder was auch immer.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es ist, es gibt eine physische Veränderung. Und wenn du mit etwas kämpfst, mit dieser unvorhergesehenen Menge, You can say for sure that there should have been more preparation. Absolutely. But to get to the level of preparation you would need to combat an unprecedented challenge is not within Six Sigma declaration of statistical probability that you would account for normally.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
It just isn't there. Or it wasn't there. And it's not something that is helpful right now when the most important thing is that the fires are still No, no, no.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich kann es nicht. Ja, es ist die kognitive Enttäuschung, um diese ganze Erfahrung in eine Kategorie zu füllen, in der man Leute anzeigen kann und sagt, ich hasse dieses Ding. Das ist, weshalb das schlecht ist. Und es ist eine Strategie, die sich seit vielen, vielen Jahren verwendet hat.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Das ist einfach so, dass man einen Feind erschaffen, damit die Leute ihre Angst darauf konzentrieren können, wenn in der Realität das nicht die Situation ist. Die Leute verlieren die Sicht auf das Fakt, dass es Familien gibt, die alles verloren haben. Es gibt Menschen, die ihre Leben verloren haben, die von allen Parteien, von allen politischen Spektrumen,
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Du hast zum Beispiel die Palästinenser, denn wenn du sie als reiche Städte denkst, mit all den Celebritäten und Millionären und wir sollten sie nicht kümmern, dann hast du Altadena hier, die historisch Familienhäuser sind, die niedriger sind, die normalen, quote-unquote, tägliche amerikanische Leben haben, auch wenn sie in L.A. leben, weil L.A.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
so groß ist, dass die Leute keinen Kontext dazu haben, was es ist. Diese sind auf den oppositen Enden der Stadt.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ja, es gibt wie ein Mom und Pop kleine Unternehmen. in Altadena, die auf dem Boden getötet werden, die dort vor mehr als 40 Jahren gearbeitet haben. Viele, wahrscheinlich mehr, auch wenn es ein 20-Jahres-Business war, das es nicht beschleunigt, dass es ein historischer Teil dieser Gemeinschaft ist. Und sie sind weg. Sie sind einfach weg.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Und es ist egal, wem sie geglaubt haben, weil es Leute gibt, die schreien, dass sie falsch sind, was sie verloren haben, und nicht sogar auf einen Eindruck konzentrieren, um sie zu erneuern. Meanwhile, here in California, it's like a battle of trying to fend off like, no, that's not, we're on fire. Hey, hold on, please. And then trying to like, you did this to you. Slap.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es ist egal. Ich bin ein Ohio-Native, aber ich bin hier in Kalifornien seit 10 Jahren. Und eines will ich sagen, die Leute dieser Stadt, Los Angeles speziell, ich kann nicht mit anderen Städten sprechen, sie lieben ihre Stadt wirklich sehr. Sie sind wirklich stolz darauf, was sie haben und was sie verloren haben. Und das wunderschöne ist, wie viele Leute zusammengekommen sind,
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Das ist das, worauf die Leute sich konzentrieren sollten. Währenddessen spielt jeder andere ein Blame-Spiel, während die Leute leiden. Manche Leute haben kein Zuhause. Sie haben kein Wohnzimmer. Sie sind jetzt in einem Krankenhaus. Und für die unbestimmte Zukunft werden sie dort bleiben. Rebuilding is gonna take years.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Even if it doesn't rebuild in the exact same way, trying to make sure that it rebuilds in a way that is actually conducive to the type of people that were living there, I mean financially, you know, instead of becoming like big mega apartments or big, you know, huge mega mansions, which it wasn't. That's not what it was.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Well, it doesn't have to happen if people pay attention, especially to the local communities. Because cities, you know, they are in control of their zoning. And they can shoot down and all these projects would have to be submitted for approval. And if they don't get approved, they don't get built. Unless there's bribes going on. But I think with this, you know, there is a strong...
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es ist ein bisschen wie Supermarkt-Simulator, wo es seltsam genug ist, dass es das gruseligste Spiel je sein sollte. Aber ich liebe es zu spielen und die Leute lieben es zu sehen. Ich weiß nicht, ob es nur so ist, dass ich einen sehr guten Supermarkt nicht fahre. Vielleicht ist das, weshalb die Leute es sehen. Aber es ist seltsam interessant. Mark, Storage Hunt mit mir.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
way to make sure that the people who are easily forgotten are actually taken care of but that's only by holding that thought in your mind for a very long time that that's what needs to happen and so that's that's something that i'm hopefully going to be a part of as much as i can otherwise i'll just keep my chainsaw and i'll keep hacking at trees hey you can snipe them now with your knife yeah with my knife with my
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich kann dir nicht sagen, dass ich das letzte Mal in Cincinnati war und es so viel Schnee gab. Drei, vier Inch, klar, das ist passiert. Das war so in einem 24-Tage-Period.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
We had at least a foot and a half to two feet of snow on the ground. And, you know, it's a crazy thing where I'm like, okay, let's not be political about this. But some of these things should not be political at all. Like climate change, right? I don't know, man.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I love you, Wade. Sorry, anyway, go ahead. All of it centered on like, oh man, they're just like, it's a conspiracy. They're just lying to you. And I just keep looking around and I'm like, what's the lie? What do they gain from the lying of this? At worst, they're like, we want people to not die from increasing severity of natural disasters. You know? And who is telling this perspective of it?
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
It all comes from the same group of people, which is like coal and oil companies. And it's like, I wonder why they're saying it's not real. Have you guys had an electric vehicle? They're fucking awesome! It's way better! Man, let me tell you, I finally traded out my Tesla. I did it specifically because all this was happening. I've been meaning to do it forever.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I've hated that son of a bitch for years. I hated it since the moment I got it. Didn't it break immediately? It broke immediately. At least it was cheap to fix. Oh, ja, definitiv. Es war dankbar unter Warnung, aber es war eine andere Geschichte, wenn man in einen Proven-Shop geht. Man, die Spannung brach in den ersten 100 Meilen. Ihre fancy Spannung brach.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Sie installierten das falsche Teil für den Charging-Port, sodass die Tesla-Charger nicht in es fitten. Ich musste es kratzen, weil ich es so stark physisch gedrückt habe. Es splitt es und dann fit es in und es hat perfekt funktioniert. Tell me you didn't get a Mach-E. No, I didn't, I did not get a Mach-E. American car. I did get an American car. Did you get a Cadillac Lyrik? Nope.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
You're not gonna guess it because it doesn't seem like a vehicle I would get.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Oh, verdammt ja. Ich habe nie gedacht, dass ich ein Trucker wäre. Ich habe einen Ford F-150 Lightning bekommen, weil ich die Spezifikationen sah, was es tun könnte in Bezug auf die Leistung. Die Größe der Batterie ist viel größer als die Teslas jemals waren. Die Grenze ist kein Lüge. Diese Teslas lügen alle über ihre Grenze. Es ist es. Es blieb mir in den Kopf.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich würde es beobachten und ich würde sagen, ich bin 10 Meilen gefahren. Na, sicherlich. Oh, es ist 30 Meilen gefahren. Alright, well that's fine. It said I had like a 300 mile range on my Tesla. I got 180 at best, even when I was driving like this. It's just lies. But this one, I drive 10 miles and it's like the range estimate only dropped 8 and I'm like, oh thank you.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
It's crazy because this truck has a 240-volt plug in the back of it. I could run my render farm off of this truck.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I could. That's the crazy thing. I could. And so this it's a weird segue from like climate change stuff. But it's like on the flip side of it is like the negative of clean energy stuff is that it's awesome. I've driven a regular Ford F-150 and it's a big beefy truck. And I didn't like to drive that for any other reason because it was just like it's it's not practical.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Jetzt muss ich die ganze Zeit schlafen, weil ich Läden habe, die ich stelle, und ich habe andere große Sachen. Und ich war da draußen mit meinem Chainsaw. Ich hatte Geräte, die ich bringen musste. Ich dachte mir, das macht eigentlich Sinn. Und wenn ich mich evakuiere, will ich ein großes Bett, damit ich meine Sachen nehmen kann und gehen kann. Also dachte ich mir, ich mache das. Ich habe es.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Das Ding, mein Gott, ich drücke auf die Panele drin. Sie schweigen nicht.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Because in every metric, in every single metric, it's a better vehicle. Why would you do that? Even if you like the styling. On specs, it's... Anyway, I'm segwaying. This is not important. God, I fucking love it.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Du fliegst eine Linie hier! Ich habe nur... Es ist einfach besser! Es ist instanztlich schneller als jeder andere F-150 da draußen. Es ist einfach besser! Und jetzt mit schnellen Anbindungen. Lass mich dir sagen. Mein Tesla kann etwa 120 Kilowatt anbinden. Dieses Ding kann 320 Kilowatt anbinden. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, it can charge fucking fast. Way faster than my Tesla did.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Now, admittedly, my Tesla was older, so it probably didn't have the fast charging. But there are some stations out there that have 321 kilowatt charging. Or amp, I'm not sure which. It's just better. It can fill that bad boy up to 80% in like 30%. 15 Minuten, was ich gemacht habe, eine Menge auf internationalen Reisen oder nationalen Reisen.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Und es würde 45 Minuten bis eine Stunde dauern, jedes Mal, wenn ich nur 80 in meinem Tesla bezahlen wollte. Herrgott. Und so war das der Fahrradtrip. Das ist der Grund, warum ich das nicht mehr mache.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es ist wahrscheinlich der neue, der ich nicht bekommen konnte.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Wade, Mann, ich kann es nicht empfehlen, wenn du in deinem Leben etwas holst. Und weißt du, was ein besserer Weg ist, Revenge auf den Truck zu bekommen, der dein Auto ausgab? Dein eigenes Truck. I need a semi-lightning. That's a Tesla. I don't know about that one.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ja, also mein F-150, die machen es als Dual-Four-Door. Es ist so groß wie ein Fahrzeug. Die Sache, die mich mit dem Fahrzeug gewohnt hat, ist, dass es länger ist. Ich habe schon mal einen F-150 in L.A. gefahren, also bin ich es ein bisschen gewohnt. Aber es braucht... Nein, du wirst gut sein. Was hast du damit zu tun?
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
You know what's the Chevy Silverado now that you mentioned it? Hey, I'm brand agnostic. The Silverado EV? Did you look at it? I didn't after I bought the Ford F-150.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich habe fast ein bisschen eine Verleihung, weil der Ford F-150 eine 131 kWh Batterie hat. Der Chevy hat eine 200 kWh Batterie mit einer range von 490 Meilen und es hat mehr Kraft in seinen Outlets und ich bin einfach so
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I've been trying, man. Look, wait, I bought my truck, okay? I bought it, alright? I asked him to go quickly, it took still three hours, but I was like, hey, I was in and out of there, no time. You can do it.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I want to test something out here, Bob. May I test something? Wade, I found this business for sale and I think we should all go in on it. It's a pawn shop. No, that's a terrible idea.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Aber als ich mein erstes Auto gekauft habe, oder das erste Auto, das ich kaufen konnte, nachdem YouTube Geld verdient hat und ich kein Auto habe, I went to a Hyundai dealership and I talked to the guy and he was like, hey, you buying a car today? I was like, I just want to check out what you got. He's like, I'm not going to sell you if you're not going to say you're going to buy.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
And so I was like, all right, goodbye. And I walked right out and I went down the street to the dealer across the way and I bought a car from them because I said, fuck that guy. Und das war ein komplett anderes Auto, als ich es wollte. Aber ich dachte mir, ich habe keine Zeit, um von einem Verkäufer zu sprechen.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I'm not! You have to be. Because I went there. I went to the store. And I said, hey, do you have lightnings? And he goes like, I think. Is that one? He didn't even know. And he pointed at it like lightning. And I was like, yeah, that says lightning on the back. Can we check the specs? Sure. And we looked at the sticker together. It was like, that's a lightning. All right, it's got a big battery.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
And I went, bye. I'm being Truman showed when it comes to car shopping. I think you are. Sie wissen es alle. Sie wollen nur den Inhalt halten. Sie wollen nur dich verletzen.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich werde jetzt die Chevys anschauen. Nein, hör mal, Marc.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Smaller market share? That doesn't sound political enough for me. Like, I'm not a truck guy. I've never been about, like, I need a big truck. But for what I'm doing nowadays with the amount of shit that I'm dragging around, it actually makes sense. And the amount of power, the power is the crown. Das ist der verrückteste Teil davon.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich kann mein Filmequipment aufladen, in einem randomen Ort in der Mitte des Nichts gehen, nie einen Generator benötigen, weil ich es einfach in meinen Truck verbinden kann.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
It is a Video Game Pawn Shop. We just all gotta chip in evenly. Starts out at a cool 4 million dollars. Split three ways. Fourth with the mysterious fourth member.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Für etwa 18 Stunden. Alles. Wenn du max. bist, was du nicht sein wirst. Es kann dein Haus fahren. Das war der große Verkaufspunkt. Wenn dieser Chevy eine noch größere Batterie hat und mehr Kraft, dann könnte ich mal schauen.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Aber Gott, ich hasse diese fucking Lichter. Es ist auch so, weil ich das in meinem Truck entdeckt habe, dass sie alle mit dem Auto-Highbeam von default starten. Und es wird diese Scheiße an jeder Gelegenheit starten. Und ich bin so, das sind Häuser, die ich vorbeigehe. What was this episode about? Fire.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Mark knows. I am not well versed enough to know exactly all of the resources. I do know the Tiltify one is vetted and we've worked with Tiltify before, so they're at least a reliable source and the organizations that they are supporting in that cause are good. So that I think is a good baseline to start with.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Im Vergleich zu allem anderen ist es eine sehr individuelle Sache. Die wunderschöne Sache ist, dass viele der Donationsplätze auf dem Brim gestockt sind. Sie sind absolut verpackt. Das ist großartig. Ich mag das. Ich bin froh darüber. Im Vergleich zur finanziellen Hilfe für die Volunteure oder die Leute, die an diesen Plätzen arbeiten, hilft das auch.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Und die Bemühungen für die Gemeinschaften sind auch gut. Das ist sehr gut.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Mark, Winnerspeech? Ah, ja, der Link ist in der Beschreibung für die Tiltify-Kampagne. Ich bin sehr froh, dass ich dieses Episode gewonnen habe. Und, du weißt, es war in ziemlich extenuierlichen Umständen. Es gibt noch viel zu tun. Ich hoffe, dass ich das aufbringe. Und ich bin froh, dass ich dieses Gewinn gewonnen habe und dass ich mit meinen Freunden hier bin, um darüber zu sprechen.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
You know how in the last episode I was talking about a good knife, right? I was trying to get something that was like I could go out in the woods, hack a tree down. And you took my advice? Nope, went straight to Amazon, and I bought this!
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
So many different types and they all have like little benefits and not benefits. Some are really expensive, a bit very hard. Some are hard to sharpen, some don't retain their edge. But they're all just like steel with different amounts of different alloys and stuff like that. This is something, that's why I went back to, I was like, I'm never going to be able to answer.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
I went to Amazon and I was like, this is a goodly reviewed one. So this is D2 Steel.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
That's what people are gonna say. That's the most inhumane kind of steel there is. And I don't know why I'm a terrible person for having this, other than it's an Amazon knife. But it was well reviewed and everyone was like, hey, it cuts things. And I'm like, that's what I was looking for. Segway into my other topic. You wanna know what this is? Isn't that a fire steel?
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Sie zensieren sich selbst, wenn sie verwendet werden, ja. Wie die Sims, die in den Schlaf gehen. Äh, nein, also, ja, da gab es Feuer. Es war eine verrückte Zeit. Also, für diejenigen, die nicht wissen, wir hatten keine Episode heute, weil ich verabschiedet wurde. Eigentlich, spezifisch an dem Tag, an dem ich keine Macht hatte.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
If this comes out today, wow, what a turnaround. So now I'm going to take you back in time to last Tuesday for me, which was what day was that? The 7th. Right. So the 7th, the power was out. So I was like, I'll go run some errands. And as I was driving out, I saw this plume of smoke in the distance. Und ich war so, das ist seltsam. Ich weiß, dass sie gesagt haben, es war ein Red Flag Warnung.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Also als der Windsturm kam, was wirklich unvorhergesehen war, wie am Morgen, der Wind war bis zu 80 Meilen pro Stunde, wo wir waren, was einfach wirklich intensiv war. Und dann gab es ein Lull. Es wurde gesagt, es wird ein Lull im Wind für ein paar Stunden. Also ich war so, okay.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Okay, I'll go out and run some errands, get some supplies, let our powers out, make sure we have some water and whatnot. And I saw a plume of smoke in the distance. And I called Amy, I'm like, hey, what's going on? There's some smoke. And she said the Palisades were on fire. So at this point, the Palisades had already been burning. All day.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Someone reported a fire in the Pacific Palisades at 10.15 a.m. At 10.33 firefighters started diverting resources. There were some other small fires going on in the area, but this was obviously the big one. And so this was what I saw. And I went out around like noon or one o'clock. And so what's weird is I didn't know about the fire until then.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Probably because I wasn't tuned in to the right channels. I wasn't listening to the right things. Aber ich ging raus und kam zurück und ich war so, oh, und als ich zurückgekommen bin, waren die Winden auf dem Weg. Also wir schlugern uns auf und ich wusste nicht, wie schlecht es sein wird, auch für da drüben, bis der Tag prognostiziert wurde.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Also als der Tag prognostiziert wurde, haben wir die Notiz von dieser App genannt, die Watch Duty, über die ich glaube, ich habe mit euch gesprochen. Ja. Großartiges App! Ich wusste es noch nie, aber es ist spezifisch für User-Reporten und integriert auch offizielle Beratungen von Feuerzeuge, Locations, Updates, Evakuierungszonen, Evakuierungsordnungen. Du kannst die Firewatch-Trailcams anschauen.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Du kannst einige der Trails sehen, die hier aufkommen. Und ich werde ein bisschen Zeit überlegen, weil ich dir ein Bild zeigen möchte. von einem der Trailcams, richtig? Dieser hier ist nicht der Pacific Palisade, sondern der Eton, der uns nahe war. Hier seht ihr einen Trailcam und das zeigt euch, wo der Trailcam hängt. Und es hat auch eine andere Kamera drauf.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Ich weiß nicht, ob ihr das sehen könnt. Das ist nur Feuer. So this is an imagery from one of the trail cams and it's last captured image is just roaring flames up on the camera. Which was just crazy to see. I couldn't even wrap my heads around what was going on there. But that's a little ahead of time and then I realized like oh it's on fire.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
So that evening, January 7th still, Tuesday, we kind of prepped some things to go. We're like, okay, we should probably be ready because there wasn't a fire near us just yet. We did not know about it. But when the Eden fire broke out, I could see it from my window.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Like I could legitimately from the moment that it was starting to grow a little bit bigger, like on the hillside in the distance, like I might like have a circle about like my hands clasped together. But if you were looking at a mountain on the other side and you clasp your hands together and you look through your hands like that. A patch that big on the mountain is burning fire.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
It was scary, but we didn't evacuate just yet. We kind of prepped everything. We left the house just out of precaution. We were kind of waiting to see what was going to happen because it was all about the wind blowing. But then when we gathered up with Ethan and we were just like,
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
und wir haben gesagt, okay, wir gehen zurück und schauen, wir wissen nicht, wo es enden wird, wir wissen nicht, was passiert, wir haben wirklich angefangen, die Watch-Duty-App zu folgen und wir hatten nicht evakuiert an diesem Punkt, wir waren nicht sogar eine Warnung, weil sie eine Warn-Zone machen und dann eine Evakuierung, die näher ist, also staggern sie es so, dass sie eine
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Warnung, du bist auf, du bist auf Deck, du solltest gehen. Und dann ist es so, dass dieser Ort gehen muss, dieser Ort muss gehen und gehen. Also um 2 Uhr, ich habe einfach gesagt, ich werde einfach die ganze Nacht aufstehen, damit ich alles aufmerksam halten kann und ich es erläutern kann.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Also um 2 Uhr habe ich tatsächlich, ich habe tatsächlich meine rote Kamera herausgebracht und ich habe einen 200 Millimeter Minolta auf diesen Schicksal gelegt. And I got some really good footage of the fire that I haven't offloaded, I would show you. But it's just a fire that's creeping. But it was cool to see because I could see it progressing, right? So I took a five-minute clip.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
And reminder, the wind is blasting. So I'm holding my camera outside, hoping a branch doesn't hit the lens, pointed at the other hillside, and I'm just trying to brace it for a steady shot. So it's a little shaky. It's the kind of wind where Chica and Henry, their furs are like...
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
So, aber mit dem Schmuck und der Asche, wir versuchen, ihn draußen zu verhindern, also sind wir ein bisschen geschlüsselt. Um 4 Uhr, zwei Stunden später, habe ich noch nicht aufgehört. Ich habe nur darüber diskutiert, ob ich schlafen soll, weil ich dachte, ich weiß nicht, ob etwas passieren wird.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
all of our phones like there was catherine was staying over as well so it was like amy myself and catherine and all of our phones were like and it was uh you're on deck for evacuation our our zone turned yellow and it's like oh holy shit so we start throwing bags in the car piling everything up as best we can and then by the time we were packed it turned red like we were already gonna go and we're so we're just like fuck
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Und dann gingen wir raus und fuhren runter. Wir waren mit einigen Freunden. Aber ja, von 4 Uhr bis drei Tage vorher konnten wir nicht nach Hause kommen, weil wir nicht wussten, wo das Feuer gehen würde. Es gab eine bestimmte Möglichkeit. dass der Feuer außerhalb des Verbrauchs verbreiten würde, wenn die Wälder gehalten hätten.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Wenn die Wälder gehalten hätten, denke ich nicht, dass mein Haus, mein Haus könnte nicht immer noch hier sein, trotz ihrer besten Bemühungen, weil sie in den Wäldern keine Flugzeuge fliegen konnten. Und das war das größte Problem. Sie konnten keine Wasserdrohungen aus dem Wasser machen, was die Hauptweise ist, dass sie in Kontrolle werden können. die Ausbreitung und die Reise der Feuerwehr.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Und so hat es uns alle von einem Ort genannt, das Alta Dina. Alta Dina ist im Norden von Pasadena. Alta Dina. Und es ist ein sehr altes Gebäude, wie ich in einem Video-Update gesagt habe. Es ist ein extrem altes Gebäude mit vielen sehr alten Häusern von Familien, die dort eine sehr lange Zeit geblieben sind. Es hat eine Menge Geschichte. Es gibt eine große Menge Geschichte dort.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Es war ein Feuer, der sich direkt durch die Berge gestürzt hat. Es gab ein Satellitbild, das die Vor- und Nachfolge von vor dem Feuer und nach dem Feuer zeigte. Es war einfach weg. Wir hatten keine Ahnung, wie weit es sich verbreiten würde, weil es so aussah, als ob sie nichts tun könnten. Es gibt viele Leute, die sagen, dass es ein Missmanagement der Ressourcen ist.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
Wenn die Gewinne so stark sind, gibt es nichts, was man tun kann. Amy hat mir einen Clip gezeigt. Das bringt es in die Perspektive, wie das ist, was es war.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages. Id Software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise. Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on Hell itself.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
A children's book that doesn't actually exist, that just gets planted in his life in places.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Generally, do you? yeah well i guess we'll find out in the comments on this episode did i win uh no you didn't win because we didn't even play the game yet good episode mark congrats you assume boldly but correctly that mark has a strong advantage because i'm hosting is that real i've not i've not read the updated who let's who win the most things it's probably real i don't know
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
With prices going up on just about everything lately, being smart with your money isn't just a good idea. You kind of have to. But managing your subscriptions, tracking what you're spending, and trying to cut costs can be overwhelming. But lucky for you, Rocket Money takes the guesswork out of it so that you can make smarter decisions and it can be as easy as possible.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I'm hosting, and Mark and Wade are competing to see who will host the next one. One of them will host the next one. Unless I win, which isn't technically impossible, but I don't think that's going to happen. You guys are on it today, right? How you doing? How are we feeling today?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
listen i have a thing that mandy told me that turned into a whole episode idea because chainsaws you guys know chainsaws i know for a fact mark knows chainsaws i know chainsaws yeah you you drove around in your truck and chainsawed some stuff when there were catastrophes in your area and you were helping people i gotta confess i see a chainsaw walking down the sidewalk i cross the street
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Anyway, we know what they're for, right? If you look at a chainsaw, you know what it's for. It's for... Juggling at a circus. Cutting down trees. Or cutting apart trees, or whatever. Okay. What if I told you that those were originally invented for a different purpose? And I'm talking vastly different, unrelated to tree anything.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
What do you think James Jeffrey and John Aitken invented the chainsaw for in Scotland in the 1780s? 1780s? 1780s. What do you think they invented the chainsaw for?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It was some kind of contraption where it was like a hand cranked. The chainsaw blade and actual chain were similar, but you just hand cranked it. So it was a lot slower, but it was the same basic invention. The new ones are just motorized chainsaws. But so this was 1780. This is a hand cranked thing with gears and the chain still goes around and does a cutting motion type deal.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
For just cutting out poop once it's outside the body, or what are you envisioning?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Yes. A little bit, yeah. Are you wearing like the deepest V in existence or what's going on?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Did you Google that? Yes. Yeah, I was like, how the shit would you know that? That's not a thing you know.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Okay, well, I'm going to tell you. Mark got the closest. That's not me. And you should have just quit while you were ahead because your very first guess was the closest you guys got, Mark. The chainsaw was originally invented to assist in performing symphysiotomies, which is the surgical removal of pelvic bone to help with an obstructed childbirth. Oh, God. This is like an actual horror story.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
The chainsaw was invented to stick up in a woman's pelvic area. No. To make more room if the baby wasn't fitting out of the pelvis of a woman who was trying to give birth. How did that help? It cut and shaved and otherwise widened. Shaved what? Bone, Mark. It was because there's bone in the pelvis and sometimes the bone... Bone's not exposed. What is once you chainsaw it a little bit. Yeah.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
So this is apparently the origin of the chainsaw. And then some other person saw that and was like, wouldn't that be better on trees? And the surgeons were like, ah, maybe.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
No, it's horrific. I will say, I think this is the most horrific one, but I literally, I learned this fact. Mandy was telling me about this and I was like, man, that's probably an episode of a podcast. So today we're going to talk about inventions that are currently known for some use, but were obviously invented originally for some other use.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
like the scariest sounding surgical procedure i could possibly imagine this episode probably needs some kind of warning on the on the top of it about it started with poop talk i'm pretty sure i didn't think it could go downhill from there i've known this for about a week and a half right at this point and i'm still very uncomfortable about that information the next one's way more fun than that oh good also mark i guess you get the point for that one thanks i guess congrats dude
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Honestly, like some people online would be like, did you guys notice? Nah, whatever. Just doing something. It's fine.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Chainsaw Anus. Got it. Chainus! Chainus Anus? How'd you know about the sequel? Chainus Saunus?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
One video every day for a year of something about chainsaws. Gonna really run out of stuff eventually, but... No, you'd be shocked. Not before you try your very own homemade symphysiotomy. Yeah, I don't like that. Anyway, guys, bubble wrap. Nothing bad could happen with bubble wrap, right? Everyone knows bubble wrap. You order something in the mail that's breakable.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Maybe it's a glass vase or something. It comes wrapped in bubble wrap because it protects it. It's bouncy. It's squishy. It keeps it safe. That is what everyone knows bubble wrap is for. So what did Alfred and Mark think bubble wrap was going to be for when they invented it in 1957? I know this one. That phrase is losing all meaning. Do you actually know this one?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Sure. Sure. Mark, what do you think they thought it was going to be? What was bubble wrap originally meant for?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Well, now I can't stop thinking about Mark not wearing a shirt. So thanks for that.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
What if this is just a whole list of horrifying medical contraptions? Everything just comes back to... The true Halloween episode none of us wanted. Nah, bubble wrap's cool. It's fun. You know where it's even more fun? As wallpaper! Huh? Alfred Fielding and Mark Chivanes were trying to invent a new type of textured wallpaper.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
When everyone other than them realized that that was a stupid idea and had no interest, they also tried marketing it as greenhouse insulation before eventually accidentally discovering that if you just wrap stuff in it, it keeps it from breaking as much.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Phrasing it as accidentally inventing something is maybe short selling how inventors actually work. But also, isn't that kind of how inventors actually work? Isn't it mostly some person who is like, I have this idea for a thing and I just need to make it. And then they make it and it's just the fucking craziest thing. And then they're desperately just like, What is this actually usable for?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
What can we do? What can we do? Childbirth? Yeah, stick with that, apparently. Oh, wait, no, never mind. Market it. Sell it. We'll figure it out later. But would you have bubble wrap wallpaper?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
You just keep pulling. It's actually not connected. It's just straps up over your shoulders. You just slowly keep pulling it down as it goes on.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
That's what happens once you pop it. You get like a whole new room all re-wallpapered. It's all done. And then your kid walks into the room and it's just like... You're like, fuck, no, stop! No, no! That's $85 a square foot, stop!
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's not that bad. It can be a pain in the ass, but textured paint, or if you have like, like in California, it's really popular to have orange peel texture as part of the drywall. That's not any better. If you want to change that, you just have to like stand it all off or scrape it off anyway. If you're going to texture your wall, wallpaper is as good as any other way that you're going to do it.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I do find it really intimidating, the seaming and the lining up of wallpaper. Yeah, yeah.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
you're like theoretically you're like yeah well you just put it edge to edge right but to actually get that edge so nice and actually straight and everything i feel like there's no way i could do that yeah there's an art to it someone who's a professional obviously can do it but if i had the idea of like oh i'll just wallpaper my wall behind it would not turn out like i would want it to it would be that seems hard that's why there are professionals they do paint in different colors
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
it's super stretchy that's the thing it's like very stretchy but if you're not wearing a shirt and we get the the bonus point for match your background your skin tone right on yeah i'm pretty pretty magic i am not today well if we get that in an hour from now won't that be relevant and i have to put the photopian No, I don't think we need to do that. It's okay.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
No, wallpaper's coming back. Wallpaper might come back. I just don't want it. It is back. We're not... We're not the people who dictate that. It is back. There's lots of cool new wallpapers. That's the thing, too, is you don't need to wallpaper every square inch of a room. You can do like one wall or part of one wall if you have like an area that makes sense.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
You mean having a nice design to a room so that there's like a focal point? It sounds awful, doesn't it? James's room has that. He has white walls, but then he has one. The main wall is green that his bed is on and it's like a jungly theme. But if the whole room was this color green, it'd be way too fucking much green.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's crazy how effective that is, especially in photography and on video. So like I wouldn't just say like accent walls are dumb and suck.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
If anyone of us is, it's Mark, but I don't think any of us gets to be in authority on interior design. I think that's very personal preference. What do you mean? I've done great. This is very important because I said so. A Play-Doh. Why did Noah McVicar invent Play-Doh in the 1930s in Cincinnati? Huh? Ding.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I'm the one who chose to start this, but with that most horrific thing I think I've heard in a hot minute. Guys, I know this one.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Sorry, sorry. I don't want to cut you off. Keep working. Keep working.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Anyway, miracle of miracles, I have an episode prepared again. Usually I show up with nothing and we just do whatever and it turns out how it turns out. I have a script in front of me. Well, I wouldn't call it a script. Let's not go crazy. But I have things and we're going to talk about those. But the tradition is, before we talk about the stuff I have written down, we do small talk.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
bonus point Herbert Hoover yeah no right I see where you're coming from yeah no I got it that's okay okay okay yeah keep going yeah early on uh
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I wish. A little bit I wish, but no. Home maintenance was the right genre. Not a plumbing tool necessarily, but home maintenance, yes. And Wade is right with your last guess about cleaning out under your fingernails and stuff. Kind of.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Back then, homes were heated by coal furnaces, which basically meant that there was coal dust and soot all over everything in existence because it went out the chimney, but some of it didn't go out the chimney. Coal is dirty, nasty stuff. Play-Doh was invented to help clean the wallpaper in your house. You... rub it on the wall and it pulls the soot or the coal dust or whatever off the wall.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
And that was great for the company until coal was phased out almost completely and replaced by natural gas or electric heat. And nobody needed that anymore until a teacher realized kids could eat it and survive. So that meant it needed to go into the classroom. Play-Doh did a complete rebrand, saved the company, and started selling this goop to kids.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
What's been going on with you guys? Any flooded toilet poop situations? Looking at you, Wade. You have poopy poops?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It was a school, right? So even though everyone else had natural gas heat, the school still was coal heated because schools are always behind the times and have low tech and no money for stuff. And so the teacher was probably just cleaning the coal off the wall with the stuff and dropped a piece. And a kid immediately was just like, oh, and that kid didn't die for the next week and a half.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
And the teacher was like, we need more of this. So bring down lunch expenses tenfold. All I can think of when I think of Play-Doh is the stupid video of you and Ethan making Thanksgiving dinners out of Play-Doh. Oh, yeah. And then fucking eating it. And that is the most vile thing I've ever seen you try and eat. That was the most vile thing?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Look, I know you've done worse, but it's a texture thing for me. The thought of slimy Play-Doh.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's like cooked and reduced down to like a powder by basically cooking all the moisture out of it, I think. But it has to be then like broken up or I don't know. Cocaine's bad. Don't do it. All the TV shows make it seem pretty fun, but it seems like it's probably more bad than fun to me.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Now, I acknowledge that this is a pretty weird line in the sand, but the idea of eating Play-Doh haunts my entire existence. And that video that you guys did, like, I can't imagine a much worse thing if someone was trying to torture me and force me to do something.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I mean, you didn't seem like you enjoyed it when you were trying to eat your giant hunk of Play-Doh, but you did fine.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Just concerning because I feel like there shouldn't be salt in Play-Doh.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Maybe it's because you played with the Play-Doh so much. The salt from like your... No, it's just skin juices. Yeah. That's lovely. More inventions. I know you can get this one. The hint is in the name. Treadmill. We all know what treadmills are. Go to the gym. Do a little jog on the treadmill. Maybe you have a treadmill in the basement that you never use. Just sits in the corner collecting dust.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Correct answer, put off. So that's, we know what treadmills are. But when William Cubitt invented the treadmill in England in 1818, what did he think it was going to be used for? Let me ask you a question, Bob.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
He told that story on this podcast before. It was awful. Never came back. Because you did that and the wart was like, fuck this dude. Oh my god, I'd rather just stay dead.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Mark, what was the treadmill invented? And please give me something that's not gross, because I'm pretty sure the title of this episode is just going to be...
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
When I'm 18 years old, I'll poop wherever I want to. I've decided.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I feel like if the treadmill existed in a powered form, you could probably use it to wind the catapult automatically. No, that's dumb.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I don't actually know. How old is cats? That's what I'll Google. How old is cats? How old is cats? That was a great question. A cat's first year of life is equivalent to about 15 years of human life. And the second year is nine more. And after that, they're generally around four human years. Of course, cats are more complex. Dogs is like, yeah, just seven, multiply by seven.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
i was gonna make fun of you but that was fine actually that's a good good act you know what good scottish accent good job thank you i don't think anyone from scotland will think so but i'm glad you do do you guys want to know which one of you was closer well i think we both know what the real answer is honestly it's a pretty tough call because i i think either of you is very close
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
okay so mark actually didn't know i'm not surprised you're surprised anyway it was punishment for prisoners they they walked on the treadmills and they're walking powered the grain the giant grain grinding wheel thing grain will have unlimited power palpatine at the grain mill his first job
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
apparently the prisoners didn't care for it so sentiment on treadmills has not changed very much over the centuries you put a treadmill in a prison now and the prisoners just start hissing and they don't know why like a kangry cat is seeing water kangry you know cat angry angry now the elliptical definitely for childbirth yeah i could see that i could see that yeah
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
All right, I want to do one more. I like this one because it's funny, and I have a suspicion that the story is barely true, but technically true. Credit cards. We all know credit cards. Pretty much everyone has a credit card. If you're an adult, you almost have to have a credit card. It's pretty hard to get by on just cash anymore. So clearly credit cards are for paying for stuff.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
But why did Frank McNamara invent the credit card in the 1950s? I remember this.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
And cats is like, well, it's 15 years and then seven years. And that's like one year. But that's like eight years.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
i hope that's the next generation i like it i don't know what f stands for but i like jet efforts fucking kids yeah no that's because yeah it's because you can be like it's a generation it's a generation of fucks yeah i think mark is closer but there's my version which may yours might be as true or truer than mine my version is different in some of the details but somehow also wade was kind of correct with your drug dealer joke
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I knew it. So the story that I got is that Frank McNamara went out to dinner and he forgot his wallet at the restaurant. And he had a bunch of cash in his wallet because if he didn't have cash, he didn't have nothing. And he got his wallet back eventually, but all the cash was gone. And he was like, meh, see?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
So he invented the Diners Club card, which was originally a card only meant for a handful of kind of exclusive New York City restaurants so that businessmen could go out and like take their clients out or go out with their wife or whatever. And they didn't have to have cash with them. So in case they got really drunk before they drove home and they forgot their wallet, they wouldn't lose any cash.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It was just a card and they could just go get the card back from the restaurant. And so it was originally the diners club card was meant for like a small, just a handful of places. And it grew and grew and grew because it was so basically your story, Mark, it was so convenient and successful. Everyone was like, we should use this for everything. And then they did.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
But yours, honestly, like I said, this sounds very like some guy dreamed this up and was like, Yeah, I'll say I invented the credit card. Yeah, see? And yours is probably just as true. These are the things that probably happened around the same time, or one inspired the other, or whatever. Who knows? Grain. What? Grain. That was treadmill. Never mind. Thanks for playing along.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
We started out with just about the most shocking thing we could, so all the rest of these seemed way less interesting. My taint hurt when you talked about the chainsaws, and it still aches. Was pretty sure that wasn't true, but I looked up, and it seems to be true, and I just hate that that's a fact about things in the world, because what the fuck is wrong with people? Did it work? You know what?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
In all the looking I did, I never read far enough into any article to see if it was a successful tool in extracting any children from their now-deceased mothers. Ha!
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
That's good, though. That's a 60% poop improvement. Mark, how much has your poop improved? My poop is... Greater than 60%?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Just a guy. This is a going from room to room in a maternity ward. Just like, Oh, another one's dead. All right. Next room. Let's try this again. Let's try this again. I laugh.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I'm trying to prepare them for the fun of a new child coming into the world, you know? Yeah, they dress like a clown, so the first thing the newborns would see would be a happy clown. I slam the door open to get everyone's attention so we know it's about to begin.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I hate everything about that. That's awesome. Wade, you earned points for... Oh, wait, that goes on Mark's side. All right, Mark, what'd you earn points for? Wade, you didn't earn points for that. That's not yours. Sorry. Mark, you earned points for... 60% poop improvement. No shirt? Question mark? The book discussion. I didn't know how to label it. The shit book. Changed off butt wiping.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Being correct about wallpaper. You won the Play-Doh. You won points for not cutting a ward off with toenail clippers and using hand sanitizer instead. And you got points for...
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
good it limps shit something about credit cards oh that says credit cards wow no it does not it's supposed to say credit cards wade you earn points for being an asshole unabashedly uh knowing about spring barley for some reason bubble wrap oh the guys who got fired for bubble wrap wrapping their belongings in bubble wrap uh herbert hoover Doing a good Scottish accent and then grain.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
You apparently just earned points for randomly saying words for no reason during the episode today.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Did you say a coherent word? He said a whole word. Mom, get the camera. Anyway, how many bonus points will there be? Do you know what you're adding to the wheel? Oh, I have to do that still. Two. All right, we get two bonus points, and I still have to add something to the wheel. Should be best Scottish accent. They have to do it right there on the spot. I really like that.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
had the best time i didn't i i did not either because of the poop i i had a bad time i didn't because of the chainsaw well is that a respin then everyone had a bad time is that we're deciding i did i did not have the best time all right that's a respin unless bob did you want to point bob i didn't have a good time i'm still feeling like i throw up because we talked about the play-doh eating respin
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Drop the most items. Didn't drop a damn thing. I didn't even drop anything, and that's my thing I do. All right. All right, that's a re-spin. There's a lot of points up for grabs.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
loudest all right one of you was definitely the loudest he did do his scottish accent i will i will say oh yeah yeah i would say wade gets to be the loudest all right one more spin feels like we've already had too many but we haven't
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
But it could be any poop improvement. That's not the poop that comes out of you exclusively.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
shirt closest to background damn it oh fucking god no look i we can call it it's it's mark right it's mark's flesh weight's wearing weight's wearing a red shirt and has a gray black background mark is wearing it's a white shirt but it's got it's got some skin toniness to it because it's kind of it's kind of opaque almost i think if i did the calculations this would be closer
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
You want to win, don't you? And that is two bonus points. Wade, you earned a total of seven points. Mark, you earned a total of nine points. Yeah! Wait, so if I'd gotten both of those bonus points, it would have been a tie. Yeah, it was really close to actually being a tie there. Could have been. Mark, run the numbers.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
If you had dropped anything or sung a song or anything that whole time, you could have stolen that away from him.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Yeah, we need like a cheat sheet. And at the start of every episode, we all need like 30 seconds to just be like, just do a bunch of random shit. Like, okay. Those are my points I've chosen for this episode. Merch? That can be your loser speech. How about that? Okay. Which is now. I meant to imply. It's right now. Merch? All right, Mark, winner speech.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
That's how a winner gives a speech, Wade. Thank you so much for watching and or listening to this show. Make sure you follow the podcast because then you won't miss them because I know you didn't watch last time, which is offensive. Follow us. Our names are on screen. And if you're a listener, not a watcher, I guess you don't get to know them. That's it.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Thanks so much for listening and watching and all that stuff. That's the end. Mark will host the next one.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Merch. That suits like a gamble. I don't know. We'll just delete it. I don't know if we should stake that much on... I really love deleting things. Merch. It's all fun and games until you try and delete the thing I'm a part of. Wait, we didn't agree to this. Hang on.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I go back and look and every podcast ends with the spiral and the TikTok and the... Wait, no! No! Sorry, man. Anyway, podcast out!
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's called Everybody Poops. Oh. And James is reading it a lot right now. You should check it out. I've seen that book.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
potty training potty training in general like i don't know what i thought it was gonna be but it's it's more concerning that i expected like one method of potty training is your baby doesn't wear pants now your baby is just full winnie the pooh and if and when they start peeing or pooping while you're just doing like everyday life like you're in the living room and they just start going you just pick them up and run to the bathroom and be like in the toilet in the toilet in the toilet
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's a technique that I'm not going to do. And then like James is interested in the toilet now. And the other day I was like, Ooh, dad needs to go to the bathroom. Hang on. And Mandy was like, Oh, maybe James wants to see how the bathroom works. And I was like, Oh, why would he want to see that? That doesn't sound good.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
And I thought about it and I was like, no, that's actually what I'm supposed to do, isn't it? I'm supposed to bring my son into the toilet so we can talk about how toilets work. And I can, it's, I don't like, it's concerning.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's good that he'll be able to use a toilet at the end of it, but all the rest of the in-between parts, I never thought all the way through how that works and I don't care for it.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
where what then what did i see you should probably google that i am illustrated book page with animals ocean of poop see what comes up oh you got adults does shits
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
It's funny, but it's one of my least favorite things about parenting stuff. There's so much stuff that comes up where it's like, I knew that these things were going to happen intellectually, but I didn't think through practically what it was going to be like. And you just get in the situation and they're like, oh, he pooped in the tub during a bath. Ah, shoot.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
And then it's like, wait, what do we do? And they're like, well, get the poop out of the tub, obviously. Is there a scoop for that? Or, oh, with my hand? No. Oh, no. Like, there are better solutions, but there are just so many moments like that where they're like, oh, yeah, just bring your kid into the bathroom with you and show him how you pee in the toilet. Oh, really?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Everyone else who talks about it is like, yeah, obviously. All parents do this. This is totally normal. Just bring your kid in the back, go to the bathroom with someone and while they watch you be like, this is dad's zipper. And then we flush dad's peep down the toilet.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
And it's like, I get why that's normal intellectually, but it's hard to just go from I pee and poop alone by myself in the bathroom for my entire life that I can remember to... Yeah, son, come in here. Let me show you something. Yeah, that is weird. Let me show you how dad gets work done in the office.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
i like to sit too but i thought if you were teaching it was a teaching a stand you're teaching a sit yeah well that's the thing is that i i i thought about it and i looked into it and everyone was like yeah well you should stand up so they can see better i was kind of trying to have him not see better if i'm honest about it but that is the point isn't it he's supposed to okay well this is an exciting new chapter mark did you find your weird fetish book yet no there's two versions of this book
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I'm not going to buy it. But what if you need to know what's in that book? You didn't even read the content. You were so surprised at the imagery.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I'm going to need like five more brown crayons, dad. I'm assuming that's not the cover of the book as you've described it. No, no. Why did you pick up the book, Everybody Poops, and crack open to a page? It's bad luck that that's the specific thing you saw, but would you see that and be like, oh, that can't be right, and go check and see what the book was about or something?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
why is the weirdest thing in a bookstore to crack open a book I don't generally go look at kids books even though I have a kid it was in a center aisle it was in one of the tables in the middle on the way in if I had that thought if I was walking past it I would look at it and be like oh that's that book kids used to learn how to go to the bathroom that doesn't apply to me and then I'd keep going I'm so glad that your curiosity is dead in the water how do the other half live
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. That's right. You're listening to my favorite podcast. It's the only thing I listen to. My car, the shower, while I sleep. This is the only show I listen to. I'm... Wade, what are you laughing at? What's so funny?
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
All right. Mark had a fever dream of a poop book. It might have been. Maybe it was. Who knows? He found the Jumanji of poop books.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
wait can i just point out the thing about this whole story that's possibly the weirdest part you were in an actual physical bookstore i don't even know where there is one of those around me anymore they all keep closing barnes and noble is it barnes and noble still around there used to be like a barnes and noble or a or the other one in every strip mall in the world it felt like and now i feel like i if i had to go to a bookstore i'm not sure where where one is that i would go to did you go to the bookstore on purpose or you just like at the mall or something
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Anyway, I'm jealous of your Los Angeles bookstore. We don't have that kind of fancy stuff here.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I mean, there probably is one, but growing up, I knew where several different bookstores were that I could have gone to. Oh, yeah, there's a lot less. I'm sure there is one, but I don't know where it is. There's not one at any of the shopping centers I go to normally. It's weird.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
Is it in the new part of Kenwood or whatever? Yeah, yeah. There's like a mall offshoot in the mall parking lot that's just more mall, but it's disconnected from the mall. Kenwood Mall has always been a disaster. It's kind of the only mall left in the entire Cincinnati area.
Distractible
A Disgusting Episode
I was just thinking, you know, a thing that some people do before they speak out loud. Not you. I've never done that. I know. Anyway, if you've never seen the show before, I'm hosting because I won the last one, which means that I am hosting. See, this is why you think. This is why I need time to think, Wade. This is what happens.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
he got food in my water hey it's pretty good I'm not doing this for points I'm just starving oh no Tyler got me the poo book and I actually got water in my poo does it turn back into poo if you get too much water on it I don't know I went to set my water down and I don't know what happened but I like I became the Hulk for a second and squeezed really hard but then I also like pushed it as I did so I like squeezed it and threw it and just go ahead do your thing man
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
It's like our F your dreams, F your nightmares. I'm going to beat you t-shirts coming soon. I wouldn't promise too much.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I'm a stalactite because I'm inside and I'm just hanging out.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
It was also true. I'm a homebody. I like to chill. So wait, which one are you? Tight. Tights are the ones that hang, I believe. I had to look it up because I never remember the might versus tight. I don't know how tight, ceiling, might, floor. I don't know. What's the connection?
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Yeah. I think Lucky's kids, like there's one that inherits the family business and the rest go to work for Santa.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Lucky the Leprechaun. That doesn't make any sense. Also known as Sir Charms.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Are you answering, Bob? I guess it's only us answering, but I'm curious what represents you.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Oh, the Great Lakes are freshwater, but they become saltier to increase... Okay. They're not salt water, but they are saltier.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
It's in my top three. It's the gritted teeth, the heart emoji, and then the shrug. It's the guy going like,
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Well, I think you still get a choice, but Mark and I apparently don't.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
You be whoever you want to be. I was going to pick you for height. I like height.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Also, you could finally get a movie out. Unlike someone we know.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Or you could play Monster Hunter and build a new set of armor every time you kill a new monster.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Oh, this guy gets way too many views. I only watch small creators. He's pretty small. He's even shorter than Mark, I think. Yeah, probably. Not height. I watch tall creators that get small amounts of view. Is it a bot that scams people? Is that the video I need?
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I feel like an ice wall is forming between you two and I right now.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
And then I eat my way out. And you just eat your way out. My first thought was chapstick because some of it smells so good. Like there's a cherry one.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I would eat garbage. Oh. Then I wouldn't have to deal with it or throw it away. There wouldn't be a mess. I could just get rid of it.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
And we've thought a lot alike lately, and it's usually not ended well for me.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I don't know if this is true, but the first one I thought of was finish what you start.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Bro, the blockchain, bro. What do you mean? Everyone's like Bitcoin's worth so much, but no one ever gets their money from it. It's just worth so much.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I guess the importance of a college degree would also be like, I feel like college was important. The degree itself.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
But like, I still think education is important. Just the degree itself maybe isn't as useful, but I'm glad I had philosophy.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
You said that's your favorite. You just said pick a favorite.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
But look, I've got family and friends here. There's a lot of restaurants, familiarity, comfort. I think cost living. I think it's beautiful here. Those are all great things. But man, I can't imagine living in a place where I can't get Cincinnati chili.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
sure let's know how it is but yeah I don't know man I like my skyline my gold star I've not tried blue ash chili yet I want to try it but like it's one of the things that's I can't see myself leaving behind there's one that opened in Orlando someone that trained in our hometown of Milford there's a skyline there they opened a location down in Orlando Florida it'll never be as good as it is here no for sure
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. Bob, when you asked what is a measles party, I thought of Weekend Update whenever Stefan used to be on there. They're like, what is a measles party? The hottest club in New York is measles party.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Cincinnati chili. That's how I did it. I was like, Cincinnati chili. Perfect.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
No, but you exaggerate it when you're trying to do the cello balls.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Communication. Broad, but I like it. God, man, the ability to talk and communicate, listen and speak, the most important in relationships, life, everything. So many things are just, they go wrong in everything because of lack of communication, proper communication.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
That's a little different, but I see what you're going with it.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
We usually do wheel last, but you can do whatever order you want, man.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I'm not going to talk to my Palpatine therapist after this episode. You might think I was prepared to roll a three-sided die.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Yippee! Wait, hold on. You're welcome. It's got to be in there somewhere.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
If I wear a green shirt and I tell the editors to green screen it out, does that count? Because then I'd just be a floating hit.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I looked for some punchlines. He was locked in during the small talk, and I was making light of it. I would say Mark was more locked in than I was.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Bob, great episode as always. Thank you for having me. Mark, it was well thought. You were locked in. You were right there. But ultimately, it comes down to Palpatine and Chli. And if you don't have those two things in your life, what really do you have?
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
You'd think they'd have to see good return on doing it or they wouldn't keep doing it. But there are so many and they're long. And when the movie time is supposed to start, the movie should start.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
that's stupid yeah there is something about advertising a movie starting at four that doesn't start at four that seems wrong but him being like i was late for work because of you it's like i knew what time it was and i chose not to leave and then i was late for work because i chose not to leave i also chose to watch a movie literally right before work Only showing this century of this movie.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I assume it's similar, but I don't actually know. Here's what they're going to do to change it. They're going to have the movie start time, still play all the trailers, but movie length, three question marks.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
God, they adjust the whole movie to be like 1.1 speed. Just the whole thing to make sure it fits. Oh, no.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Well, you guys have heard about me reading Animorphs. You've heard about Path of Exile 2. You've heard me talk about Diablo 4. You've heard me talk about storage hunting. But have you heard me talk about Monster Hunter Wilds?
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
no because it just came out but oh it's so fun i've already put so many how much time have i put into i've not had any time to play and yet somehow i already have let's take a look 22.8 hours that is a lot yeah when did you start it came out on friday Yeah, I saw on Twitter someone that already had 73 hours in the game, which is exactly how much time it's been out. I'm like hunter rank eight.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I've seen people that are like high rank 106 and stuff like that. I'm playing a lot. It's a lot of fun. I feel like early on it feels easier than the other monster hunters, but some of the fights I've gotten to recently been a bit tougher, which is good. It's like a little bit more challenging. But not like impossible and annoying. So I've been having a lot of fun with it.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I'm excited to get into the harder fights. But man, another game on Wade's playlist.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I'll do what I always do. Abandon the games I love before I finish them.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Because everyone loves when you don't finish what you start. Is that a slight against me? I feel like that's towards me. That did somehow feel like a personal attack against Mark. You edging me, man? I'm edging, but that was an indictment on myself, not you. My big thing is I never finish games that I start, except for like five times.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
This is why we don't have children. Hey, babe, you close? Yeah. All right. See ya. How's it going? Hey, I'm happy to help.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Hour of my time, I got seen, consulted with a specialist, got my medicine. 20 bucks total.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined herein. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there is no penalty. Can you share me that one? I think a document might be better than this one. Did we sell pocket handbook constitutions? Did we ever do that? No. Did we actually do that? No. Did that idea get floated? Yes.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like when the dentist gives you a pop quiz, two of your favorite things at once. Does that happen?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yes, it did. I was like, man, shouldn't we have our pocket constitution somewhere? Yeah, well, we would have had to really settle on some official text if we were going to do something like that. And let me tell you, if there ever was a living document, this one is the livingest. Wait, this is when I turned around. What is this? Wait, what? What did you link? Oh, nothing. What is that?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's nothing.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
that's just that's what you call not knowing how to copy and paste what are you looking at don't worry about that don't worry about that that's not related to anything that you may or may not be doing next time we record interesting all right okay i don't like where that's going i like that well i'll forget it i'll forget it this new keyboard has an extra button where my finger wants control to be and it just really gets in the way of stuff like that
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Pop quiz whether you flossed or not. And he knows the answer. He's like, do you need this tooth? I think so. No, you don't! And yanks it out. I think I told that story on this podcast, but that happened to me once. Dental pop quiz? No, the no you don't and then the yoink the tooth out. That sounds familiar. I had a serious problem with the roots of one of my back, one of my molars.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, this thing's over a page long. I don't have this kind of attention span anymore. Yeah, well, that's why I fed it into a chat GPT so it could give me a one-sentence summary of it. I can't stop yawning! Oh, bro, how are you going to do that? I think caffeine, I need to just stop forever. Because every time I drink a caffeine, I get real yawny.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And then I remember, hey, ADHD, caffeine sometimes doesn't work that way for me. And it just makes me more tired. But there's a very few rare opportunities where it actually does wake me up. And it's usually when I'm actually tired. When it does work. Oh, my God. But if I drink it when I'm not tired, I get tired. So why the fuck do I drink it? Because I'm habited and I'm addicted.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, it's literally addiction. I am in the same boat. When it hits, though, I'm like Fry in the Futurama episode where he drinks 300 cups of coffee. The caffeine hits and the entire world slows down around me like I'm Barry Kramer and it's miracles. I have not had an effect off caffeine in a long time. If I get hit with caffeine, I don't ever notice it anymore.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
You drink a lot of caffeine or not a lot of caffeine? Not much anymore, no. I'll have like maybe four or five drinks a week, which is a lot, but it's not as much as like I used to where it was like a couple of day. Energy drinks or like sodas? Like a Coke or something. Oh, I don't even consider those that have caffeine in them.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If it's not measuring the caffeine in hundreds of milligrams, it's not caffeinated.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
oh okay i don't do energy drinks or like five hour energies or anything i don't drink those i gotta stop i drank an energy drink one time before a basketball game and i was like all fucking jittery throughout the basketball game and i was like i am never drinking one of these again remember remember mark you remember the big pile of blue amps in our dorm room the pyramid from floor to near ceiling and that was just tuesday night yes it was actually it literally was are you guys alive i don't know man
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Dude, we bunked our own beds with plastic coat hangers. Like, there's a lot. Mark used to just jump off buildings and hope he knew how to parkour. I did that exactly once, and I learned I don't know how to do this. Once would have been enough for me to not have survived college, so the fact that you lived is pretty good. I was boring. I've got an issue with the Constitution I just noticed.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Maybe it's not with the Constitution, but maybe it's with an interpretation. You had an issue with the Constitution last time when we were making the entire Constitution. Yeah, well, this whole season, I remember Bob and I would talk and Mark's like, you better not make any handshake deals. Those are against the Constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
All of these sections talk about how handshake deals can overturn parts of the Constitution. I never said it was against the Constitution. I just said you better not because it's always screwing me over. I'm pretty sure he did. Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? You said that we don't have red flags. No, we do from new things.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, well, that was actually a thing that I thought was funny. In the text of the document, the red flag thing isn't in there. Technically, it says that you have the right to appeal. I don't know how we arrived at throwing a red flag. No, there was red flags. That was a thing. It absolutely was a thing. Mm. It is. It's in the other document.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We could go back and watch the original episode, but I won't do that. Oh, I don't want to watch that. Yuck. We already know this video, this particular episode. No one's going to watch it. Should we just throw this out and do more broken news again? I mean, no, but yes. I already made the white guy's joke. I'm already on it.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I had a couple foundational questions I felt like we should address, and otherwise I'm not too interested in parsing a bunch of legal language and stuff. Do we want to keep the Constitution? As a general thing, as a part of the podcast. I believe that it is good to have framework. I will agree. The wording needs to be officialized. We should hire a lawyer to join in on an episode.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And it got like, just got worse and I kept putting it off. And when I finally went in, they did like an x-ray and the dentist was kind of like, I'm not sure how that thing's still in there. And they literally, like no anesthetic or anything, literally were just like, watch. And I was like, oh, that makes sense, I guess. Did it hurt? Yeah, well, it was hurting the whole time.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
actually make sure that the writing is both concise or a stenographer. One or the other, not both. I vote Bob. I'm not a lawyer. I vote Bob still. Bob, you either have to learn stenography or take the bar exam. One or the other. I don't want to do either of those. God damn. Fuck. You can't lie about it. He cannot lie about it. No, I would. I don't know about stenographers.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Do stenographers have strict ethics? Because I definitely don't want to lie about anything having to do with lawyers and bar exams and shit, but stenographers might play it fast and loose. Who knows? Oh, they're tighter than lawyers. Okay, but if we're going to have a real one, it's got to actually be written properly.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It doesn't have to have legal aims, but it just has to be written by us or someone we trust. And have terms that we can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Veto! Do I have veto power in my life? No, this is a tribunal. There's no such thing. Some of this sounds like work and I'm not here to work. I think I said that last constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined in this constitution. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there shall be no penalty. I think that's the best rule. Yeah, well, we need that rule or else this whole facade crumbles. What if we make the, instead of making it more concise, we make it more complicated?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think convolution is our checks and balances. I like that. So we could just start chucking ideas out and just tag in sections that maybe one person will remember one time to exploit as a... I like that. Okay. I keep zoning out. I'm already so bored of the Constitution. Why do you hate the Constitution? You hated it last year and it's only made the podcast better. Because I'm consistent.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
My hatred has made it better. You're damn right. No, the Constitution has made this podcast better by not being utter chaos. There's a time for chaos. Is that a pickle or a knife? That's a knife. What's in your other hand? The sheath. Oh, I thought it was a pickle. Why do you think so many things are pickles? I like being threatened by pickles, I guess. I don't know. Don't kick shame.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Anyway, well, you know what? Let's just start throwing out new stuff, huh? How about that? All right, well, if we're throwing it out, why is that to be new? We'll just say it's thrown out. No, no, not give me new ideas. Throw just anything you want. The viewers can win an episode somehow. I like Skyline Chili. Is that a rule? Could be. I don't know. You said throw stuff out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, if that's in the Constitution, you can never not like it. So if you ever go against the Constitution, you're breaking the law. What's the punishment for breaking the law? Um, you gotta fix it? The law? I guess, yeah. Like our government, there's no punishment for breaking the law. But there should be! Can we issue pardons? Someone would have to be president. What's the opposite of a pardon?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Can we issue blamies? Blamies? Ha ha ha! You know, it's funny because on the coffee machine, I have a tag that says, am I going to have to blame Amy for this? Because one time she didn't clean out the coffee machine when she always does. And I never clean out the coffee machine. I don't know. Why is she with me? I'm such an asshole. Hey, buddy, don't be too hard on yourself.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So when they did that, it stopped hurting. And I was like, ah. Last time I went to the dentist, which was like a year ago, so I really got to get back there. I didn't have a cavity, but it was like I had some gum issue, right? And they wanted to do a gum graft and to like make sure that you're flossing every day until your appointment. And I did. I flossed every day until my appointment.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We ask ourselves the same thing. Yeah, that's true. Viewers can win. What happens if they win? They host. That doesn't have to be in here. Who is they? The viewers. They just all get together in a call and record an episode?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The listeners and the viewers are separate entities, and they must be treated as such. So only the viewers can win? Either can win, but they don't win collectively, I think is what I'm getting at. I don't know why I'm waving the knife today. It just feels very... This tribunal feels hostile. I'm always hostile. Youth hostile. Is a hostel a hotel or a brothel? Definitely not a brothel. Could it be?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Hopefully not. In your mind? Maybe? In the world? No, I don't think that that would be legal anywhere that that's a thing. Like a candy on your pillow? It's just like a naked person on your pillow? I don't want a random naked person on my pillow. I really don't want that. That might be an experience you could have in a hostel, but also it's not part of the fact that it's a hostel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Oh, I got crispy Jerry on my pillow. I don't want crispy Jerry on my pillow. Give me some more constitution bits. What do we got? I think boat can be any number of things on or near water. I want to expand boat. Well, I think we already were doing that. I don't think. I know, but that was on that was just on our of our own volition. But I'm just going to write boat can be anything.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We do an episode from the inside of a whale. There's nothing stopping us. But if we were in the Constitution, I think it'll be argued that we must do that. And I don't want to do that. Boat can be anything we all agree is a boat. That's all I want to put in there. How about boat is any vehicle on or near water within a certain amount of distance from water? Within like a hundred yards.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
A football field distance away from a... So instead of being in like a pool or a tub or a lake, we're just in a car near it? Yeah. I'm going to put exactly what you said out loud, Mark. A hundred yards. One football field. Within like a football field distance from a body of water. Yeah. I think we should be a football field away from land if counted as being in water.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, that can also be in there. Within a football field away or within a body of water. That also means a shoreline. We should define it by the shoreline. What's the shoreline of a tub? The edge, the ring of scum around the tub is that shoreline. This governing thing is easy. Is this what the founding fathers? A hundred percent.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
They were all sitting around drinking Sam Adams, just making stuff up. Was Samuel Adams one of the founding fathers? Yeah, that's why his beer is so popular. What do we need? What does this show need? The show needs more sponsors. All right, I'm going to put that in there. Ooh, put it in the Constitution. Every company in existence has an obligation to buy at least one ad on this podcast.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How do we enforce that? Red flags. what about companies we don't want we're gonna take their money okay good this scene now we're cooking all steel must be d2 uh by all companies is there a minimum like size or it could be like if grandma's crocheting and sells a blanket we're like we gotta make a cut of that that's not a company it has to be a company llc or incorporated
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
That is a specific thing that is defined by other people. Does that mean we have to sponsor our own podcast? Called doing a merch plug. So we have to get merch up. By those laws, we have to get merch. Well, I'm just going to type that in there. Is this like a to-do list? Yeah, this is starting to do a to-do list. Oh, I have one. I wanted to actually throw this out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Then I forgot when my appointment was. And I get a call saying like, hey, you missed this. You got to pay a late fee. I'm like, oh, what? Oh, that's why I was flossing every day. I did it for a month straight. I had the best gums. It was amazing. It was so much cleaner. And then I stopped doing it after that. I was like, well, I don't need to do it anymore.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
This is going to feel like it's targeting someone, and it's not. I promise it's not. But because you know it also applies to me once I say it out loud. Just get all the way through it with me. If you show up to host an episode and you don't have anything prepared... Okay, all right. Increase the one-man show percentage on the wheel by 2%. That's fair. So it's not about...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
i've done that the most probably out of all of us so it's not about spinning it it's about it just ups the percentage only when someone comes without an idea that's fair well here's the thing do we like the wheel at all i like the wheel but i wish it either happened a lot more or never
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I want to gamify it more so it's more nail-biting but also addicting and you want to spin it so that like the coin flip haha went 13 times in a row without Bob winning we don't have that we need that we need that excitement back in there and to tempt fate we need to tempt fate more I want more tempting of fate we need to tempt Fate more. What a good law.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I never know what statement I shout out is going to be inscribed in the Constitution. I'm just capturing the good ones and making sure they get written down somewhere. Okay, cool. All right. All right, so how do we tempt fate more with the wheel?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Maybe every episode ends in a wheel spin, but there's a different... It's either the one-man show wheel is like punishment, but there's another wheel or something. No, bonus stars, like in Mario Party. Every episode should have bonus stars. We barely keep track of points. Will you keep track of that? Well, maybe the wheel has like, it decides what bonus star it is.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like, okay, who made the most poop jokes? Okay, who made the most? And it'll spin that and we're like, ah, that was Wade or that was Bob or who said this word the most? What if we don't remember? It's just a discussion. We have to collectively decide. It doesn't matter what reality is. It matters what we say reality is, and we all have to agree. We need a bonus point wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So at the end of every episode, what I technically wrote is bonus stars like in Mario Party on a wheel that gets spun at the end of every episode, which is...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
definitely clear enough to make sure we understand this concept i think the host should have the opportunity to change one item on the wheel so not all of it but every like you could rotate one out if there's one you don't like or if you want to if you have a funny idea that's what i was going to say yeah it should be flexible that it can be changed that way you know if we hate it we don't have to wait a year and i think the audience can also suggest who has to keep track of the wheel and spin the wheel each episode and why is it bob
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think we can do this. We can collectively... I mean, it'll just be a website that I have to open, and I don't mind that. I don't mind that. How many bonus stars are we going to have? I think the number of times the wheel is spun at the end could fluctuate. Like, it's default one for a bonus, but then maybe if a certain criteria is met, it's spun again.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What if we have a wheel that determines how many times we spin the other wheel? Oh, more wheels. I like this. I love chains of wheels. Yeah. Or a dice. A dice and a wheel. Is there a dice website that has let you write on the dice? Well, you could just have like literally a D6 and however many times, whatever it lands on is how many times you have to spin the bonus wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But I want the visual of it. Like, you know, rolling and then be like, oh, magic eight ball. We're just talking about a Magic 8-Ball. I bet there's a website with, like, a Magic 8-Ball. I'm asleep, please consult later, or whatever they say, yeah. Oh, you can buy a custom Magic 8-Ball. That would be interesting, but we'd have to change that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But if we order three custom Magic 8-Balls, and each of us just has a Magic 8-Ball at our desk for episodes... That would take some work, but it'd be cool, but I doubt our ability. Wait, can we get custom dice in real life? Is that a more achievable thing? Because there's lots of people who make custom dice and stuff, right? We could 3D print anything, really, but it's like, that's work.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'm not going to reschedule that or anything. They asked me to pay money. I'm insulted. And then I stopped doing it like an idiot. I'm going to schedule my appointment right now. I'm diabetic, and so I'm pretty good about managing my doctors and stuff. The dentist is like the polar opposite. I don't know why it's so hard for me to give a shit about the dentist. And I do not have great teeth.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, okay. Now, what if we do a wheel? What if it's just a wheel? All right, wheel. We could have a wheel and a wheel. So we should write a section in the Constitution that's like, this is what it has, and we'll just change it in the Constitution, depending on what we feel like. There should always be on the wheel who's the baldest. I think that's fair to you.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Ooh, but we could, one of us could shave. If we feel like the win is that desperate, but it may not guarantee the win. I'm okay with that. What if there is a small chance that we don't increase or lower on the points one that always has one man show is like a 2% chance. We never adjust the percentage of that one. We should see if the one-man show is actually an ample punishment beforehand.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Trust me, it will be. All right, all right, fair enough. He might enjoy it. Don't speak for him. That's true, that's true. I was. What if there's a punishment where I make Mark get my YouTube channel to 10 million so I can get that diamond play button that I've always wanted? Is that a fair punishment? No. Why do I have to do that? Why do I have to get it to 10 million? Why can't you get it?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Because it's not a punishment if I have to do it. All right, what other bonus points do we want to have? Most bald, shortest? That's what I suggested, but Wade shot it down. Who ate the most? Oh, maybe it should be who ate the most on the episode or who ate the least. No, it should be who ate the most to encourage us to maybe sometimes eat a lot during an episode.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Wait, why are you making that face? It benefits you. You're usually the one that's eating. Listen, the problem isn't the wins. The problem is I don't need encouragement to eat. You don't need to change your behavior. It's the same behavior. You don't need to do anything different. I need to change my behavior. All these have benefited you so far.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Molly has finally convinced me that my shirts aren't just shrinking because she hates me. It's the way that Katie is. I believed it was witchcraft for years. Or that she was intentionally shrinking your shirt. She hates my clothes. She's shrinking them. I know that it's a common thing to be like, oh, my clothing shrunk in the washer dryer.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I've never, ever experienced this phenomenon of my clothes suddenly shrinking. That's because they don't make clothes your size, so they're always oversized. When they do shrink, they just finally fit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
You got my real laugh. All right, fine. Whoever got the loudest in the episode. Caused the biggest laugh. Who had the best joke. That's a good one to have. Who caused the best laugh. Who looks the best that day. I think that fluctuates. Sometimes my hair is just a ramshackle mess. I'm wearing the same shirt. Whoever is the most put together that day.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Should we have a bonus one for the listeners and or viewers so they have a chance of getting a point? What if it's a zero-point episode and only the listeners or viewers get a point? Then they could finally win. If we start interacting more with the subreddit also, that we could give points out for things the subreddit does that are good and not annoying or terrible. Subreddit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, whoa, hey, easy up. They don't need that. I said that I would fix it and add the other moderators, and I don't think I ever did that because the fire distracted me, so I gotta get back on fixing. Oh, some excuse. I was in the middle of fixing the subreddits. I totally forgot about that. Oh, shit. It's just been on... I guess being on fire is a bad comparison right now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I probably have more serious issues because it's been too long since I've been to one. But like, I mean, even it comes up, I'll have the thought. I'm like, oh, I should. Yeah, I should make sure I have an appointment with my doctor. Of course I do. I should maybe find a dentist to go to. I don't want to do that. Yeah, I want to do that. I'm weird.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It's been... It's been fine. It's been fine. Hey, they were very complimentary of our episode with the broken news. That's seven, then. Bonus point for viewers, listeners. Well, those are separate, right? So that'd be one for each. So would that make it eight? Oh yeah. I guess it should be. Oh, they're separate people. That's right. Most on point.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like whoever was most on point with whatever the topic was. And there should be a flip side of that. Whoever's the most attractive. Do we want to add both of those? Yeah. Add both of them. How about this for a rule? So that wheel is spun at least once an episode, right? Every single episode, a host has to add a category so that by the end of the year, there's 60 fucking items on there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It could be anything. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's just like you just add some shit. I'll change out at the end of every episode the host may change one item to the host must add one item to the wheel. Yeah, it's like throwing a suggestion into the hat game and whose line. Just throw a random bullshit in there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Dude, if this wheel ever fucking gets deleted and then at the end of the season, there's like a hundred and some things on the wheel. I'm just going to do a random number picker or something like that. Fucking. That wheel would be nuts. That's cool. That'd be fun. Then there's plenty of options.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Okay, so we're starting with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 we have right now, but we'll just keep adding. There's nothing that says you can't add repeats or bad things, so you could add more points for viewers or listeners if you're happy with them or something, or if you're trying to change the odds, or you could add punishments or all kinds of stuff. Well, it has to be points.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We'll say it has to be limited to points, but you could take points away for things or... Because it's like it's both interesting, but also not high stakes because it's only spun once. Are we eliminating the wheel? Are we going to do the number of spins wheel and then the bonus points wheel and then just maybe have it be like 1% one man show or something so that that's like a weird payoff?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think maybe we still keep the other wheel. What if the bonus wheel makes it into the tie? Then we would still need the other wheel for a tiebreaker. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, I think we should still keep that other wheel. All right, so we still have the tiebreaker. We're in a three-wheel system right now. What's the third wheel?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The first wheel is the wheel that will decide how many spins of the bonus wheel, right? Aren't we doing that? Oh, I didn't know that was a separate wheel. That's interesting. I thought we were at the end of every episode before the points. There's a bonus points now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I've always preferred the dentist to the normal doctor. Incorrect opinion. I know. No one feels that way. Why? Why, though? Why? They scrape and they kick and the noise in your head. It's unpleasant. No, I get it. It's like, you know, generally speaking, there's something nice about just sitting back in a big chair, closing your eyes and... You know, I get it, Wade. You and me, we're the same.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I thought we were going to, it has to be spun at least once, but there's a thing, a wheel or a magic eight ball or something with the sides. How many times we spin the bonus point wheel. And then you spin the bonus point wheel and divvy that up. And then you do the points for the game. Well, that sounds like a job for a dice. What should the number be for that? Like one to four, one to six.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We don't want to spend the wheel like a dozen times. There's got to be like, we have to make a D three. Yeah.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
we have to physically make a d3 we have to make it happen i mean that does exist right oh yeah there's there's d3 dice it's just like physically oh it's like a cylinder triangle thing right and you just like roll it three sounds fair to start with up one to three yeah that that feels right that's how mario party does it anyway do you see the horrible three-sided die that's like three fins why is it horrible
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I don't know, it just, I don't like it, the way it makes me feel. Sounds like a you problem, gonna be honest. Sounds like it must be a finned three-sided die. There's a cool, like, infinity-looking one where, like, it lands and has a one, a two, or a three, like, cut into the... I like that one. It must be the most uncomfortable three-sided die according to Wade's discomfort in that moment.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, fine, I hope it's covered in fucking holes just for you, then. No, Wade's discomfort. I don't like holes now. It must be the host's phobia in a die. It's a dice made of a spider covered in holes. Good. That's also a clown. Making me itchy and scared. I don't like it. I think we've lost the plot. What are we doing in this episode?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I've got a bunch of stuff I need to somehow weasel into this constitution now. Are we going to start ripping out laws? Yeah. Do we want anything else added? And do we want to delete some stuff? I don't think there's anything else in there. I think the best thing we've done in the Constitution, and I think you guys would agree, the physical tracking of points and naming them. That was a good one.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I like that very much. I think that helped a lot and also is very fun to keep track of. It is fun to hear the points right out at the end and what they were for. That is fun. Whether or not we kept a full record of it, I think my hot sauce ones are lost to the winds, but... I was going through them earlier. I didn't even use the title them. I just had like your guys' names and like a case.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'd write down what it was for. Like they got a lot more intricate over time. Yeah. I got to get a notebook because I want to keep track of it. I actually want to keep track of these. I'm about, oh, almost halfway through this notebook. I'm very excited to see when this actually gets filled up. Then I'll have a whole, I'll have a documentation and it'll absolutely make sense.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I can turn to any page and see that Wade earned points for natural sleeper, 30 minutes of shit and shit shower. And do you fear death? See, I don't even remember what it's about, but it makes me laugh. It's just it's a documentation of our history. July 9th, we did an episode where Tyler had six points. Wow. Oh, you date yours. That's a good idea. I put the title of mine. Here's the thing, though.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I date what episode we record them, not necessarily what day they come out. So the dates still aren't perfect. Apparently my scorekeeping for the at least 20 questions episode really went downhill because we got into the whole chapstick situation. Mark lost seven points, but Wade lost 11 points during that episode. I occasionally just pull out a chapstick, Bob, just to see if you'll react to it.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How many fucking points I gave out in this episode? Jesus. Mine are always like five to 15. I'm pretty consistently that five to 15 range. I like Mark's. I've been trying to edge towards Mark's style of like low single digit points. Keep it tense. Yeah, I've only ever done one point plus or not only, but I predominantly gravitated towards points up or down one.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I only ever give one point at a time. I just give a lot of points. Sometimes you guys are just talking and I'll just chuckle and I'll be like, huh, point. Somebody said that we apparently had claimed and have never done golf rules, which we did do golf rules, but it was before the Constitution. Yeah, we did one. It was Bob's Fridge.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Wade hosted that and Mark got the most points, but at the end, Wade gave me the win by saying it was golf rules and I actually won the episode. It was before we had the Constitution, so I intentionally gave Mark as many points as possible so that it would feel unfair at the end. I was like, oh, Mark's going to win. I was like, but I'm going to inverse it. It's going to be so funny.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We're the same. They get those jagged tools in there and they're like, how's your dog? I think it's simple. The reason is I was such a big fan of dinosaurs as a kid that whenever I'd go to the dentist, like they always had these like little toys you could take home if you were good at the dentist. And they had like a whole bowl of dinosaur toys and I wanted to collect them all.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think you have to declare it, but I guess it's not in the Constitution. That was before the Constitution. You're right. That's true. This was back before distractibles had invented fire. I'm just going to write down, it's in the Constitution. That'll resolve a lot of disputes.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
so you like the writing down the rules is there anything we want to rip out um do we want to rip out the subreddit appeal thing because i feel like that's been a mess yeah we didn't use it doesn't make sense i don't even know if we should have an unfairness clause shall i just write down remove all unfairness clauses we could do something where you know if someone declares something is unfair something's done on the spot but i don't know what that would be an immediate wheel
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
One more wheel. The wheel of fairness. If one of us declares something is unfair, we spin a wheel where either we win the appeal or we're forced to host a one man show. It's a risky claim. No, no. It's got to be something with like trial by combat. You know, is this unfair? Let God decide. What if it's just a coin flip? Heads for fair, tails for unfair.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What if it's a really heavily stacked against it being unfair coin flip? Like you can declare it's unfair, but it's a nine to one chance. It's going to be fair. Do you have to win three coin flips in a row for it to be fair? I like that. Then we just, then we just have a wheel of fairness. Nah, the coin flip is cool. Okay. Coin flips.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If you win three coin flips in a row, it was unfair and you are justified. That is fate saying. That's the universe taking your side. Yeah. And you can only do that once. What a one in eight chance, three coin flips, one in eight. That's fair. That's actually... That's pretty good. That's better than what Mark wanted. What if you lose all three coin flips in a row? Does anything bad happen?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I mean, once you lose one, I feel like you just stop. You don't lose again. Once you lose one, it is fair. Well, I mean, I'm saying if you forced it to flip three times... I get what he's doing. Because you have to flip three times. And that's another one in eight chance that something terrible happens. For daring invoke... It's double point loss.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
you know if you don't get three in a row 75 chance you're good 12 and a half percent you win 12 and a half percent you really lose that's good i like that so we're not just throwing out unfairness willy-nilly there has to be a risk okay so if you lose three coin flips in a row what was it you lose double the points or you get double the unfair yeah whatever what you said was unfair will be dealt double
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So, like, if Mark gives you a point, I'm like, that should be my point. And I say it's unfair. You would get two points. Or, you know, if Mark says I lose a point, I'm like, no, I don't lose a point. That's unfair. We do the three coin flips, then I can either lose two or... We should make it that as soon as the word unfair falls out of someone's mouth, it happens.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Even if they don't realize they're doing it. So we've got to be very careful about what we're saying. Because as soon as the word unfair comes out, coin flip immediately. Stop everything we're doing. We're going to do an episode just called Fair or Unfair where every three seconds we're flipping again. All right, that's in there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Once per episode, you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud and initiate three coin flips. Win three in a row and unfairness is proven. Lose three flips in a row and it is made doubly unfair. Well, it's made doubly fair because if it was unfair, then the unfairness would be valid. That's fair enough. Fair enough. If we say fair, you have to flip or just unfair. Both.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Is that what we're saying? The trigger word is unfair. So if like, thank you, Mark. That's incredibly fair. Nothing happens. But if I'm like, Mark, that's unfair. We immediately coin flip. I think it also should be valid if you trick another host or another contestant into saying unfair. I like that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think if anyone ever says the word unfair for any reason and any of the other two people hear it and catch it, it is triggered. Even if it's a trick. What about synonyms to unfair? What about when we say that's unreasonable? Has to be the word unfair. What if you say funfair? Can't spell funfair without unfair. He said it! No parts of other words, no hyphenations.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So I was always excited to go to the dentist so I could get the next dinosaur toy. And I think that just permanently like dentist equals dino. I like dino. I like dentist. Whereas the doctor just, you know, gave you shots or touched your balls and that was it. Then you go home. It's like nothing. You and me, Wade, same, same brain, same brain.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
must be unfair i gave us three episodes before we forget this oh yeah no the convolution is very good though because it will forget about it for like months and then out of nowhere during a highly heated episode someone will just be like he said it and then it will happen and it'll i think the audience can participate if they catch us not saying it they can remind us and then we have to doubly unfair later no that's stupid fuck me
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
No, see, that's the thing. We don't need to enumerate that. I think we have a good rule here, and if the subreddit points out that we're not doing it, we can just on the fly do whatever fucking bullshit we want and jazz it up later or do makeups or something or ignore them because they suck or whatever we want.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
That removes all current unfairness clauses, and that's our current appeals and unfair process. No more red flags and blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, none of that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
great good constitution boys we could trick the audience into getting our watch time up because they have to pay attention if they want to yeah they're gonna have to really scrutinize yeah they're gonna have to go back through and listen again make sure they didn't miss anything the fools I don't have any other ideas I really, really want to cut out or anything. I don't know.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What is this section three of article one? The competitors of an episode shall be composed of any members not elected to be host by the host of the previous episode unless overturned by handshake dealer or official separate vote. What does that even mean? I think it literally just means that whoever won the last episode hosts and they're not a competitor.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So if we had two winners, which I don't know if we can still have that happen, but. Yeah, we can. If it ends in a tie, we don't have to say it's a tie. We can just say you both win. Well, yeah, it doesn't have to be a tie. It could just be a win. It's not a tie to win. It's just two winners. It's a meaningless pedantic distinction, but I feel like we're allowed to make that distinction if we want.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If something comes up, you could just say you're both winners. There's 100% chance for the next person to do the one man show. We're like, no, no, you just both win. You both win. I don't want to be crazy here. You both win. But that's the rub is you have to write down the points and it can't be a tie, but also they can both win.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, even if we do it in a tie, now we got the bonus points to stop it from being a forced tie. That's true. Now we can't just make sure there's not a tie on our watch. You might just end up with ties thanks to the wheel of bonus points bullshit. I'm like, oh man, Mark, it looks like you win by 10 today. But how? I don't know, man. That's how the math worked out. Oh no, can't have that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Can't have that. All right. Is that good? We did it? Good. I think we did it somehow. I think we just blanket sweep vote that all these changes are valid and good and we agree to them. Well, I will try and make this into one document that is like for us. Not that hard, but I'll try a little bit. And then we'll have a constitution. And I guess I will be the keeper of the constitution.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Unless you go home, your teeth are all like clean and stuff. Well, and so did you ever have any, I mean, cavities? Do you ever have any serious teeth thing? Because like I had braces for six or seven years or something. I had a lot of stuff with my teeth and my mouth that was like very unpleasant. Because the orthodontist is not the dentist, but it's all mentally, it's all connected.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Bob, I hope you win this season. You put the most work in. Well, I won last season. I guess it's not over. So is that what we decided about the season champion? It's not done yet, so there's no winner yet? Yeah, there's nothing. It hasn't been decided yet. Technically, I'm in the lead by a couple. I'm going to get that cash prize. I didn't get a cash prize last season.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It didn't take effect until year two of the Constitution. What the hell? I don't know how to end this because we don't have a host. All I know is that I'm looking forward to Mark's one-man show episode. Yeah, I'm so glad that Mark had to be busy today for a little bit because it gave Bob and I some time to cook.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, Mark, as a reward for your forthcoming punishment, do you want to leave us out here? Sure. Thank you, everybody, for joining for another year. We've only got another year left until Distractible is forcibly deleted from existence. Even your private recordings of it will be expunged. You will see how. Foreigners distract us. That's what we called it. That's this. That's all it is.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
The clock is always ticking. Remember, only I will be deleted. So all of your recordings will mysteriously not have me in it. That'll be a hell of a thing. We'll just get the AI that says, have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus? Oh, we didn't put any ship of Theseus things in the constitution. If this constitution keeps changing, is it really the same constitution? The constitution of Theseus?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Like the con of Theseus. May your D2 steel knives always be sharpened. If they're not, for the love of God, sharpen them. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I hated that shit. So did you, is your teeth, were your teeth always just like they cleaned them and it was fine and you were good and it was easy? I mean, I had cavities here and there. I had braces. There was like an eight year period where I didn't go to the dentist, like college. And right after college, I just had no money or insurance.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
And I was like, the last thing I'm going to do is spend my money to go pay someone to tell me my teeth are dirty. Like, I know that I brush them, but like, I can see that there's like the buildup. I know that I need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford the dentist. So for like eight years, I didn't go. Then I went back and they were like, I hate to tell you the bad news. You got three cavities.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I was like, wait, eight years. I've only got three cavities. I could go another eight, but I go twice a year to the dentist now. Twice a year? Is that the recommended amount? Yeah, you get cleanings every six months. Jesus Christ. I think I've had one cavity my entire life. Well, okay, no, I've had another, but it was when I still had baby teeth.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
So it was when I was very young, and my dad was really pissed about this because I had a cavity in my baby teeth, and the orthodontist that I went to was like, ah, I'm going to fill that up and charge money for this. So we did it and charged money, and my tooth fell out because it was a baby tooth a month later. Yeah, that seems like bullshit.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, so it was, and my dad was really pissed about that. I can't remember. I rarely get cavities, but I have no cavities, but serious, serious issues where I have root issues and all kinds of fun shit. But I had a cavity in a baby tooth, and I remember the tooth fell out, and I was looking at it. I was like, wow, that's mostly cavity at this point. Goddamn. It's just a hole. It was interesting.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Good thing I didn't keep that one. I never had braces or anything, but I had a couple cavities filled throughout life. I had my wisdom teeth pulled when I was a teenager. I don't know if you guys remember this, but this was like four or five years ago. A good portion of my tooth just broke off. I think it was an airhead, if I remember the story correctly.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I had it in my basement, which was really cold. So it like hardened, which I didn't think about. And I went and I just bit into it. And I was like, there's a crunchier airhead than I'm used to.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
oh no and then i like reached in and just was like what is that and i remember looking in the mirror and just like half of what felt like half of my front tooth was missing i was like my career is over i could never look at a camera again and then i found out they could just fix that shit now they fix that super easy i actually in my senior year of high school i i was holding my tuba and it got hit into my face i chipped one of my front two teeth right in the middle and
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think I've had to have one go back once and have them re-put the whatever cap on or whatever it is. Yeah, they've basically permanently fixed it at this point. It's awesome. Because I was worried. I was like, oh, they're going to have to yank it and give me like a cadaver tooth or something crazy. I have to give you one of them George Washington lead teeth. I heard that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I have no idea if it's true or not, but I believe the myth is George Washington's false teeth were made out of wood or whatever. Apparently, at least some of his teeth or one of his versions of his dentures that he had was just straight up made out of lead. Don't Google lead teeth. Oh, pass. Why would you Google that? I was like, oh, I wonder if lead teeth, it's not lead teeth made of lead.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I just realized I'm not sure who does the intro for this. I think last time we all said it at the same time. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another Distractible episode. Your favorite, your best host, Wade. Your dog's favorite place to poop. My name's Bob. I'm Wade. Are we doing the whole thing? No. That's the episode. Thanks for coming, everybody. Podcast out.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
because and i'm about to let it up again because it replaces your calcium and it'll replace it in your teeth so you'll have teeth made of lead so wait if you have lead teeth do you drink bullets to build strong bones uh eventually yeah there's a crossover point where you get so much lead in you actually become lead based and then you're a new form of life but you can't be applied to the walls of new construction
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But you do want your lids and teeth, your bones and teeth to be malleable, right? I do, anyway. Did I explain what the council, not really. Once a year, approximately, whatever we so choose, we get together. We do have a constitution. Well, how many people, how many listeners and watchers do you think are aware of the constitution? The ones that aren't like me that blocked it out. So 10 of them.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Don't worry, because I fed the Constitution into AI, so now it's going to be perfect. Oh, I thought we were going to have Baltimore read it. No, the AI is not going to read it. The AI just gave me a summary of it so I know what's happening. So there are already several rules that we did not follow, but that's fine because it doesn't matter because no one cares. Thank God.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Apparently there's supposed to be a trophy for the winner of the boat episode. Did we even have a winner of the boat episode? Yeah. Apparently the winner of the boat episode has a constitutional right to sink the boat if they so choose. I don't know what the hell kind of unhinged psychopaths wrote this constitution, but apparently here I will go. I will go to the text.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Isn't the boat supposed to get bigger every year? This gets more and more expensive. Yeah, well, yeah, okay. Apparently there are no losers of a tribunal episode, which is this one. Of a tribunal. A boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A boat champion is to be declared at the end of the boat episode. They shall receive a boat trophy and the right to sink the boat if they so choose.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I can see that happening, yeah. Well, if we were going to ever sink a boat from the boat episode, we should have really done it with the RC boat. Because I think going forward, it's only going to get more expensive and worse. Or we could do it on a submarine. Then sinking the boat would just be more fun. Unless we're still on it. No, it's fun. Submarines are allowed to go under there.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
How do we get the footage to the surface? They come back up. Not if we sink it. Same. You and me weighed the same. I like it, therefore. Hey, noose. Sorry, I thought we were finishing each other's sentences. Also, I know that this is probably going to be inaccurate, but I did go through the episodes this season so far. So we're supposed to declare a season champion, right?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Yeah, we did last season. But the season ends in... Yeah, it doesn't end for a little bit still. Does this officially mark the end? No. I mean, it's whatever we say it is. Who won last season? You did. Yeah, you did. By a lot. Oh, so I was the reigning champion. I knew that. Yeah, you're the reigning champion. The current wins for this season stand at Mark with 28, Wade with 30, and me with 32.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Jesus Christ. But that's also... There may have been... Because sometimes when we host, we do sneaky things like steal wins from each other or give ourselves pity wins. I didn't double check all that. So...
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
didn't one of us lose like six wins or something this year that was in a previous season that was the score at the end of the last season mark had like 12 less wins than both of us it was like wade wins with 31 bob has 30 mark has 10 wins and that was yeah i'm sure that was very fair it does say the winner the championship of the season is supposed to get a trophy i'll buy my own trophy if i remember but one of you can buy mine while you're at it i'm too lazy yeah you're assuming you're gonna win
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I won last season. Yeah, well, it is tight. Every episode from here on out. Mark can win five in a row, right? Oh, yeah. You have three episodes to win four times. It's probably doable. I got this. Should we all just put all of our wins in a pot and bet them against each other? Ooh. You can go to your local shop and buy a distractible pot right now.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Um, should we just go through line by line, decide what's a good rule, what's a bad rule, what needs to be changed? It's kind of what I was imagining. I'm sure there's some stuff we're going to want to get out of here. What if we just say they're all bad rules and we move on?
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
i'm honestly i'm open to that no i'm not open to that there has been some good changes you and me mark same uh what's your opinion on this same same but wait mark said he agreed with me earlier so therefore same same same same all right but we have to vote but i think that's in the constitution that we have to vote i don't know who pays attention to those things anymore the most interesting thing i think is actually the first item
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
If it wasn't clear from the title, which a lot of you might have no idea what that title means, this is Council of Distractible Part 2. We've done this before. We did film the boat episode as required back in June of 2024. It's almost exactly a year ago we did the previous council. It's time to think back. It's time to sort out some business.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
What text do you have in front of you? Because I have a Google Doc here that I stole from the subreddit. I have some from the subreddit, but it's like a weathered image of paper, black text on that. It's not a Google Doc. It's probably close enough. We don't need to unify these. This is fine. I have the AWOL Nation Hollow Moon music video in front of me.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
It's good that we're all paying equal attention. Mark, what's interesting? All right. So there's text that says winner can't be decided by coin flip or a wheel spin as the primary determination. It says there needs to be a second step verification in the form of a wheel. So this is contradictory because it's like it can't be decided only by a wheel. It must be decided by not a wheel and a wheel.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I think that was just poor phrasing by whoever in our community wrote that down. The point was it can't be decided firstly by chance by a wheel or coin flip, but the backup when there's a tie is then you go to the wheel. I see. Okay. All right. Yeah. We can't just be like, um, I don't want to keep track of points. So the winner gets a wheel, zero points. No one got any points. We'll spin.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
But there's nothing in this constitution that I'm seeing that says you need to raise the percentage each time. I think we made that up. I, honest to God, think that we did the wheel spin once and we were like, well, let's make this interesting, guys. I think specifically Mark wanted to raise the percentage and you and I were like, I don't want to host a one-man show. I don't want to do that.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, what's fascinating to me is we just did a 12, right? Yeah. It started at six and it's gone up two each time. We've spun it many times. It should be way more than 12. I've had one or two ties. One, obviously one at least. I think we are missing a couple. but I think it should be like 16 or 18. It's not like a ton more, but, you know.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
I'm just saying I've got my red flag here, and I'm about to throw it that I don't have to do this one-man show because statistically it should have been someone else before me. Wait, because you should have had a higher chance of doing it? But it would have been higher for all of your tries of doing it, too. I'm not saying that. I'm saying fate would have changed. Butterfly effect flaps its wings.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
This is the council episode, therefore all old red flags are now gone because we're starting fresh. I don't know if that's in the Constitution. I vote we put that in the Constitution. I agree. That's a majority vote. No, red flags reset at the end of the season. Oh, no way. No, it doesn't. God, okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, no, this is a poorly thought out document.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
We have a lot of work to do to figure out what the hell is going on with all of this stuff. All right, okay, all right. Whoever came up with this is three idiots. The thing is, we're a lot like the U.S. government right now. There's no checks and balances here. It's just one guy breaking into, say, the treasury with his cronies and just, you know, yanking cables, deleting data, stealing data.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Imagine if that was how things were, and that's how we are right now. We need oversight. We need someone else to guarantee us, and it's got to be the community. They have to have some method. I was thinking we've had a hard fought season under the iron fist of the constitution. I was thinking we would relax some stuff. Maybe we cash it out. Apparently we did. We didn't follow any of the rules.
Distractible
The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
Well, that is one of the key tenants of our entire constitution is if we don't remember what the rules are, we don't follow them for any reason. There's no recourse because who cares? Something like that. Oh, thank God. I've never once cared about the Constitution, so I'm glad. Article 3. Yeah, that's the only thing in Article 3 of our Constitution.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Man, I don't think Wade's ever earned a point when he owes. He always like loses six points.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Yeah, I have deep thoughts, too, and really insightful things, just like Mark did. You don't have to go that deep. We can just talk about simple. No, the one thing I do think, then this is the cynical part of my take on this, I think, is they're a business. Video games, more than ever, are a business. It's a huge industry.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
It's been a growth industry for the last, I don't know, six, seven, ten years.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
money people have realized gaming isn't just a thing that nerds do it's a thing that they could use to make a lot of money there's a ton of money in it and people spend money on the thing the games that they're invested in and so i do feel like there's been not that the the golden age of gaming was in our youth because i think everyone feels that about everything
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Everything when you were a kid was the best version of whatever. But like you could see in the way that things are designed and not all games, but a lot of the popular games are designed to make sure that you log on every day as opposed to make sure that you have some specific experience where it's like this game, like, you know, Quake is about crazy arena shooter flying around.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Quake has a distinct identity. It is Quake. Those are a thing. Halo has a pretty distinct identity. I feel like They've lost some of it as the modern Halo games. But the original Halo stuff, it had a very specific feel and identity. And like they made it because they're trying to make that game. But like Fortnite and I have nothing against Fortnite. I play Fortnite. It's very fun.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
It doesn't feel like it's a distinct thing. It feels like Fortnite. They're like, well, what's popular? Who's popular? Who can we work into this? What mechanics are popular? What do people like? How can we change the entire core of the game that we made to include and pander to whatever is currently popular? And again, I'm saying the same thing.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
It's fun and it works, but it doesn't feel like they have some specific vision for what it is. It feels like the vision is, How the fuck do we get people to log on here and buy V-Bucks and buy the Battle Pass and finish the Battle Pass so that they're on for six plus hours a day, seven days a week for the rest of their existence? And it is fun and it works.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I'm not even saying that I'm immune to being sucked in by that. There are mobile games that I play. Fortnite, I play not a lot, but a little bit because it's like, oh, that's cool. I want to. I want to go see the skin. They have Snoop Dogg season or whatever. That feels like it's taking over to me. More and more stuff exists and is dominating the market where the goal is like Call of Duty.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I played Black Ops 6 for the first time recently. Call of Duty has always kind of been, it changes. It has changed. There's been a shit ton of them and they all change. But just the way the newest one feels, it feels like they were like, man, Fortnite's really successful. How How do we just fucking what if we just copy their menus and just jam all the Call of Duty looking shit into one thing?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Because now Call of Duty isn't even a game. It's like a launcher where all the Call of Duty content that's playable is all in one place. And again, it works. People like it. I don't care for it as much as I used to, but it just feels like there's no it's very money driven. And that that makes everything feel kind of cheap. That makes me feel like it's hard to really want to get invested.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I must have put months of my life into Call of Duty 4. And not because it's a gaming masterpiece, but because that satisfies a part of my gamer personality, which is like competitive, fun. It was consistent. It was something that I learned and got really good at. I have no reason to get that invested in modern Call of Duty stuff.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
every new game feels like they were like, well, what, how can we make sure they have to buy more shit from this one? Cause it's different from the last one. It works. People like it, but I think that's what makes everything feel kind of shallow and cheap in a lot of modern games, especially popular games.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
i'm not even gonna dispute you mark except for people like me with very large legs i gotta have the leg parts thought you were going with the dick no i have a very a very normal size penis don't worry about it but my legs my leg is probably as big around as mark's torso is I'm enormous and my legs are enormous.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Is that where the word peons comes from? Because though they're the ones that you pee on... They are the peons. Is that where that comes from?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Because it never occurred to me, but that just is perfect. It is. They're the ones that you peon them.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
And if I don't have the pants parts, my legs just like start a little fire anytime I walk anywhere or do anything. It's very miserable. But you're right. That's why boxers are terrible and why boxer briefs are better because you get a little bit of the world that briefs allow you to live in.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
But we're talking about what's wrong with video games. They're too complicated. It's too many pixels. When I was a kid, if you were a good counter, you could count the number of polygons on the screen at any given moment. There was X number of polygons, and X was a number you could count to in a reasonable amount of time. No, honestly, I do. I don't think this is a problem with games.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I do feel bad for developers. The world of releasing a game now, in terms of what it's going to be played on hardware-wise, has just got to be a fucking nightmare. 10, 15 years ago when when we were younger people, there were still a lot of things. There were a lot of different devices and there were different configurations of computers.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
You would have different cards together and there's just even more now. And it's even it's so complex. I can't imagine how some people, especially small studios, put something out that works on your computer, my computer, someone's computer, which is 10 years older than ours. It's not a problem. There's not really a solution to it.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
But I do think the more complicated tech gets and computers get and you have Steam decks and you have the Asus Rogue Ally type things and you have been mobile gaming is also is the biggest challenge. sector, I think, in the gaming market. There's just all this shit. I get why it's hard to make a game work across all kinds of different devices.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I don't think there's an excuse for games like Battlefield having such terrible server support that you can't even play a match without like teleporting around and falling out of the earth. And like, that's a different thing because that's they chose that they run their software on their servers and they become a AAA company. They could they could manage that. I do think it must be tough.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I feel like I'm not answering the brief at all. This is not a problem that's wrong with gaming, but it must be really tough for smaller developers to deal with the infinite number of combinations of shit that your game may or may not be playable on. And that's your responsibility.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Because I don't know how anyone could live in boxers, especially knitted boxers where they're not like stretchy or whatever. It's like your junk is living in a cave. It just flops around. It's like you've got your junk loose in the trunk of a car and you're driving around a racetrack at full speed. It's terrible.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Jesus Christ. You bought a key of brazine? Dude. I bought a key of brazine. He got a kilo.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
But some of us do need the briefs part of the boxer or the boxer part of the boxer briefs. But I think I think you're right. I'm team boxers. You wear normal boxers?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
You're going to get arrested for trafficking, man. Jesus Christ. Trafficking with intent to distribute. God. A kilogram costs $278.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
It's just a cube, a block that shows up of compressed white powder. It's just talcum powder on it, scratched out, handwritten in. Yeah, brazine, whatever.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I mean, as a diabetic person, I would be insanely curious about it. I'm surprised I haven't heard about this.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
This is a ridiculously outlandish thing to do. But $300 for a kilogram of this stuff, if it's a usable product, that's not actually terrible for something that is an artificial sweetener, low glycemic response, and gives you protein when you consume it. It's probably gross or something. It probably tastes like sweet steak or something confusing. No, people say it tastes just like sugar.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
That's ridiculous. So it literally has no glycemic effect, meaning it doesn't raise your blood sugar at all. It literally is the effect of eating protein, but getting the sweetness.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
What do we call it, man? I don't know. Is that one taken? How many Y's are in that?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Anyway, so, Bob, you get it like this could be really cool that this I'm assuming there are reasons that this is not blown up immediately. But also this would be the hunt for sweeteners that do not actually affect your blood sugar is fascinating because there was one that was I think it's called erythritol.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Very promising, except one of the warnings is don't consume it because it'll cause you to have strokes. It's not a high chance of having a stroke, but I literally I think it was like a sports drink that a new version of a sports drink came out that was like the zero sugar version. And I was like, oh, this is the most delicious one I've had. I drank the whole thing.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I will say modern textiles have changed the nature of briefs and boxer briefs in a substantial way.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
And then I was like, what is that? Erythritol? Oh, strokes. Oh, I should probably not consume a lot of that or any more ever, I guess. Is that the one that also dogs can't have because they'll die? Maybe. I don't know. But yeah, that's the thing, right? All the artificial sweeteners have their... Either they have a downside or they taste weird. And it's like, yeah, you could deal with that.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
And also baking. The fact that the brazine is heat stable is a big deal because it's really difficult to get the baking outcomes that you want with most, in general, current sugar substitute things. Even they make ones for baking.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
work and the protein still is going to be funky because you're you're substituting sugar which is hydroscopic and has its own qualities in the baking process for a protein but at least it's stable so you could do other things to anyway it's interesting i'm surprised i haven't heard about this this is something i tend to pay attention to things like this so how's the plant pronounced is it weebly oobly herberber herberber herberter oobly o-u-b-l-i is what i see
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Shit! You just crashed rarepalmseeds.com and everyone was just like, oh, let's go see if wibbly seeds are in stock for Mark.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Hey, we got to the bottom of it, everybody. Not enough sweet protein.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
mark you're slightly making up for that lost point from uh using our viewers for products again yeah you're right but if it works i mean hey what's the point when you get what you want i'll split that kilo three ways with you guys yeah listen mark if you get if you get some seeds smuggled in to the country here i will i will go in on you with you on a grow house here we'll get to we'll get to get that set up
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Is it relevant at all that I know the bit is that we're getting older, but I think we're starting to actually age out of the market that they really target those video games at in terms of like product stuff. Are we just too old to like all the new things that are coming out? Is that the problem? Because I've I feel like we're we're we're like maybe on the fringe of it.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Maybe we're not out of it, but I feel like 18 to 34 is the age range that I would imagine they're really trying to get involved and engaged with the gaming stuff.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
They do that. There are companies that do that. Didn't we have one? Way back. I think we had one. Yeah. I don't know if they had just briefs. I don't know if they had that. This wasn't a sponsor, but I have to say the new modern athletic textile stuff, a whole new world. And I can't recommend highly enough Duluth Trading Company.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I'm not a big math guy, but there's just no chance that that breakdown gives you an average age of 35 years old for the average video gamer.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I do think our generation, because we're kind of in the millennials, we are still like one of the bigger generations in terms of gross number of people. So maybe we, that's why we're still prominent in terms of the age. But yeah, that skewed much younger than the average being 35.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Eventually, that's going to be the case. Eventually, we're going to be the old people yelling at clouds and everything is going to be made for people much younger than us. But maybe we're not there yet. Maybe we're still relevant.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Is this the same episode that we talked about underwear and socks in? Yep. Man, what a journey.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
There happens to be one in Cincinnati, but you can also order them online. Their materials that they use for their boxer briefs, outstanding. Top notch. Can't recommend them highly enough. Not a sponsor, not paid. I buy them with my own hard earned money. I probably it is probably right that if this was just pure like cotton, which, you know, some are.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
You know how he did? You remember that? I'm like the Hulk when he tries to use the gauntlet and I'm all fail. And then I eat tacos. I have tacos. Yeah, that's true.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Uh, loser speech? Oh, that's me. If I get some good sock recommendations out of this, it was worth losing. And if anyone hooks us up with the oodly-boo fruit, what's it called? Oobly? Weebly? Weebly fruits? Seeds? That would be doubly worth it, because I need to, you know what I need to try? I need to try some brazi. I need to see for myself.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Anyone has any phone case recommendations you think are out there, toss those out too. But we've covered that.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
No, I have an iPhone 15 Pro. It's not the new, new one. I thought you liked your case for that one. I have eight cases currently for this phone. I thought you finally found one you really liked. I keep finding ones I really like. I'm on the second case I ever bought for this phone right now. I'm running back through the rotation, but it's an addiction and I can't stop.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
And I will buy more if you tell me to buy them. So put it in the subreddit.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Regular old stanky cotton tighty whities from middle school. Not good. Modern briefs. Top notch. So I like them. I'm all about it. Fair. I had small talk. I don't even care anymore. I'm excited about this. I never get to brag about my underwear.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
All right. Well, fair enough. That's why I'm so confident today. You do seem like a different man. There's something. I didn't realize that's what it was, but there was something.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Don't worry about it. To compliment Mark's underwear, I'm on the quest for socks. My socks taste is changing. I used to wear no-shows, and I've learned by being a person on the internet that that's not cool anymore. No-show socks are cringey. Like these? So cringe. Those aren't as cringe as lower cut no-show because those are like low ankle, but crew, low crew cut is really what you want.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
And I'm on a journey right now. I've been trying, I've been buying like one new pair of different brand of socks every time I need to replace a pair. I'm not done yet. So if anyone out there has magical, mystical sock recommendations, I'm trying things.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Is this? Listen, we're going to talk about whatever the fuck we want. This is our show.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
That's the headline. Do they really get to say that that's their mission? Like, I'm not, I have no ammunition to fire at OpenAI, but they're a for-profit company now, right? Or are they transitioning to a for-profit company? They just aren't.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
If they do that, if they become because they were a nonprofit, if they become a for profit company or if they have already done that, they're not doing ethical AI. They're doing profitable AI. That's by definition.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Their motive is changed from we're a nonprofit doing ethical things to we're a for profit company maximizing profits, doing whatever the hell is necessary as long as it's legal and maybe ethical. They just get to say that. That seems crazy to me.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I hate it. You know where it's warm? Inside. Inside where? Inside. I mean, inside anything, anywhere, any place that's inside. Probably pretty warm. I got parts that are warm. All right. He's writing down a point. He's giving me warm points.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
uh something like that he's in big trouble yeah he's in jail sam altman is in charge of open ai i feel like every crypto guy ends up in trouble eventually what no wasn't there news about hawk to a girl maybe doing a what's it called a pump and dump with a coin or something people were accusing her of that rug pull listen this is all alleged these are alleged these are all i don't know for a fact i just saw it we're not journalists or anything but yeah i know coffeezilla like confronted them on a live thing on twitter spaces or whatever the hell it's called and it's
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
It would appear they may have done textbook sort of rug pull, potentially, maybe.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
No, we don't even need to take Mark's money. That's the thing with crypto. You can take money out of the pockets of the fools who think you're reputable. Listeners! Yeah, them. Those people. We love those guys. You should buy some grift coin right now.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Listeners, you go get that coin. To get back to what Mark was talking about, that sounds very ethic-ish.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Had a whip. Yeah, yeah, Hammer Tech guy. Talk about Sam Rockwell plays, what's his name? Something Hammer. Arm and Hammer, I think. Arm and Hammer goes in...
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Are you talking about real steel where he's all, you watch me, you watch me, and then he wins the fight with boxing?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Dexter plays the guy who made the video game or whatever. So what's his name? Michael C. Hall? Is that Dexter?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
You want to feel some? I want you to feel some. You use your right hand for Mark and your left hand for me and just start reaching. See who's warmer. Yeah, I bet I'm warmer. I bet I'm warmer.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Is that you, Mark? You get a segue point. Did you know that Michael C. Hall sings in a band? I don't know if he actively does it, but there are videos of him. He's the... You can go and see Hall. Give yourself a point. Give yourself a point.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
I laughed. You know what's funny? Oh, this is small talk. What are we doing? I realized this recently because Disney movies. You know how I do that voice, the mocking voice? Don't you mean to rub me? Don't you mean to rub me? That bit. I don't know if this is the origin of it, but I realized where I got that from. It's actually from the movie Monsters, Inc. I've never seen that whole movie.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
There's a scene in the beginning of the movie where there are characters in a locker room and one of them, the guy voiced by, oh, what's his name? Crazy Teeth. All I can think of is Belushi, but that's not the guy. Gary Busey? No, no, the guy from Gordok Empire. Steve Buscemi? Steve Buscemi voices this character, and he's like talking, and he's like, shh, shh, shh, shh. Do you hear that?
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
That is the winds of change. And then he walks away, and Mike Wazowski is all, do you hear that? Do you hear the winds of change? That's totally where I got that bit from. Every time I do that, that's what I think of, so.
Distractible
What's Wrong With Video Games?
Wade is that guy. Wade is one of the racers from that opening scene of Fast and Furious. He drives past the one guy and he's all, Monica! And Wade's like, you okay? And drives away. It's the nitrous. Okay, yeah. You okay?
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Is it the one where everyone participates, but they're like the ones doing the announcing for it or something?
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
We all know we love breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But sometimes waking up when we're a little bit tired and groggy, not so fun. So I have the new breakfast arena for you. We're making biscuits, making pancakes, getting some orange juice, fried eggs. It's going to be a blast because you, you're welcome.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Wife, husband, whatever, your children, you're competing to make the best item for that breakfast. New Breakfast Arena brought to you by me, the creator. Running around. Oh, need some dough. Better make it through the hoop. Oh, it landed right in the pan. That's the point for Team Biscuit. Oh, but what about Team OJ? They're pouring down the slide. Better get to it. Team OJ. Oh, not quite in time.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Biscuit's still leading. Pancake, where'd it go? It's flipping. It's flipping. It's flipping. Perfect landing.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I do not. I never watched Tobuscus. I did watch him run around a convention one time like a psychopath.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I thought you just pulled that out of your ass. And I was like, well, at least he has a tune for it.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Gravity apparition and it's eating sushi. Gravity apparition and it's eating sushi.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Oh, no, I'm ready. All right, I want you to picture the glasses holding like a stick, like a teacher's stick for a second. Teacher's stick, got it.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
We're ready to assist you! Do you have apparitions in your kitchen causing you quite a stir? Well, we have the new apparition trap ready for you. It uses a gravity-based system that lures them in, and we have learned a very unusual secret that ghosts are attracted to dead people.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
fish therefore we use sushi as a bait we place it on the trap the ghosts fly over grab the sushi the gravity well sucks them in and they're put in the trap bringing you peace and you don't have to leave the dinner table to catch them and you can enjoy your meal call us today who were the people on the side you don't know that reference what does no one here know references that was the ghostbusters bit that was the ghostbusters when they're on the tv their commercial we're ready to believe you i don't think i've ever actually seen ghostbusters what
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
The first one, you gotta see. It's quite good. Epic Rap Battles did a good parody of Mythbusters, Ghostbusters, where they also do the TV scene. A lot of references to that. Anyway, I got the reference, buddy. I'm glad.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I didn't want to give it away, but I wanted to get the visual going.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I was really glad that we talked for a while about stuff after Marks, because I thought of the idea. I was like, Ghostbusters thing. How does that go? I got to write a whole thing real quick. And you guys were like, chat, chat.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Drink from the soil's teat, boy. Look at me when I'm speaking to you. Yeah, that guy. What was his name? I remember H.R. Pickens. I can't remember his name.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I was talking to the audience. There's an audience member named Mark, too. Next words. I remember my small talk. The small talk interlude.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I remember my small talk! Do you? Yeah! When you said the word shipped! My car is at port!
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
germany oh that's not very close it was assigned a carrier and it made me think they put cars on aircraft carriers i was like that's stupid they must mean a different kind of carrier but i've never imagined the boat that cars ship on i was like is it the titanic are people having sex in my car or is an aircraft carrier where fighters are landing you made the time we did the titanic joke the last time we talked about your car it's still funny right
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Expect two to four weeks for it to cross the ocean is what it says.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I think it's because it stops at other places along the way, like other ports across Europe or whatever. It doesn't just go directly from Germany to Cincinnati. Apparently there's other places in between.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Gamer's the one with Gerard Butler and Dexter, right? And Michael C. Hall.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
No, they actually got my name wrong. They put George, but they spelled it G-O-E-R-G-E, so it was like gorge on everything. You're never getting it.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
That's all they say, ya-ay. Eek, I'm going to hold the door for you there. Sorry, Minnesotan family.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I think what they really want is for you and I just to leave the podcast and just have Mark have the Small Talk podcast where he talks about tech and lenses.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Do you want the dis, the track, or the tibble? We've got to split it into thirds. I don't want the tibble.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Stomping on my tract a little bit, but I'll allow it. Doesn't bother me.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
You'll fucking tear their flesh. Yeah. Uh-huh. And I used Marathon for the gas station. So brilliant, right?
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I remember them going face-to-face. Cable. Castle. And then Michael C. Hall starts singing the Under Your Skin song. The dance at the end. Yeah. Yeah.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Also, I love how your background is now the focus of your camera.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC. Pre-order now. Rated M for Mature.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Michael C. Hall trained for months to do that exact move.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Ready as I'm going to be. Can I tend the rabbits, George? Is a question we don't hear often enough because tending the rabbits is very difficult with all of the different predators that are floating around the meadow. You've got hawks, you've got raccoons, you've got bears, but not anymore. What you need is a dagger-wielding robot to protect your meadow.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
We here at Dagger Robot Industries have all the dagger robots, but hey, it's not all just about protecting the... beautiful rabbits and squirrels and different peaceful species in the meadow. We have another representative here, uh, uh, Drake Ulysses, uh, Law?
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
And he's not the only one, but we'll save some of the others for the other commercials. Get yourself a dagger-wielding robot today. He's not the only one. They're not here right now.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
What a cinema. Wild times. That's back when no one thought video games could be good movies. Now we know either that or differently.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Are you a property baron who's finding that global warming is ruining all of your investments? Did you have a nice house over on the cliffs, but the cliffs have all fallen into the ocean as the icebergs have melted and water levels have risen and all of your investments have been flooded and ruined? Well, I have the perfect solution for you.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
You can now upload all of your investments into a nice little disk and carry that disk into other places, other biomes, other parts of the world, and you can upload them right then and there. Do you want a castle in the rainforest? Easy.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Get your castle, upload it, go to the nearest rainforest that's not been cut down yet by horrible, terrifying drones, and you can put your castle right then and there. We have a special one on right now where you can get three of these discs for the price of one. And on top of that, you get a 10-year voucher for all you can eat at any casserole cafe.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
That's any casserole cafe in the continental U.S., specifically in Alabama. Buy today.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
rainforest sorry i meant it's raining in the forest oh man god damn god i want a thick cup load of coffee now you followed all the rules i can't even be mad i want to grab my coin but like that i can't even like how could i argue you use the words there was no game playing or maneuvering whatsoever he just did exactly what i asked him to do that's what i'm here for
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Mark, I'm not gonna lie, I was excited for this after your first go, but man, you really turned on the jets. He's not the host, what the fuck's going on here? Bob, you did great, great episode. Oh, thanks. I had to give him his flowers, we give him so much shit for two-sentence horror stories, he did well, he deserved a flower.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
It was a good thing I brought my spooky glasses or whatever the fuck it was.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Well, we talked after I did the Hot Ones challenge, right? I played basketball. That was last Monday, I think, like a week ago. Last Thursday. So it was the 20th anniversary of Revenge of the Sith. I think I told you guys I was taking my niece that's local and my nephews, and we went to see Revenge of the Sith. So they were like...
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I just try to genuinely think of moments where something dropped. I don't know.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Freeze, freeze, freeze. Yeah. Well, Mark, either one by half a point or I dominated by three.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Loser speech? Oh, what a show it has been, but it's not about me. There's no more for you to see. And I thought Mark was going to do that whenever he said something. His start made me think he was going to do the... Anyway, good episode. It was fun. That was fun. I was worried. I was like, connecting a bunch of words. I don't know if they're not too related to what we're going to do.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
seven of my family members in a theater watching a movie and it stayed quiet and peaceful and people like shared popcorn and stuff and it was like family that you think in theory of whenever you imagine people going to a theater And I've never had that experience before, so I didn't know what to do. I was like, I don't need to scold or shoo anyone. Do I get to watch movie? I get to watch movie?
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I wish I'd said it sooner. Mark, good win. You earned it by doing more than I expected you to.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
And then the movie was over. I was like, I've been contemplating watching the movie the whole time, then I missed it. Not actually, but no, it was good. It was a good experience. It was fun to see. I don't know. There's some great movies, right? I don't know that Star Wars is ever going to be the number one movie of all time.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
But I don't know that there's a moment that gives me chills or gives me that hyped up feeling more than being in a theater and hearing the opening crawl just start to appear and the... Like, that feeling that first happens is pretty awesome. A long time ago, dead silence right to the trumpets and stuff going off is a pretty awesome theater feeling.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
Special Wade opening. I don't think it would work for any other movie. Like, it's such a weird thing that's unique to Star Wars. Like, you go to see The Notebook and it's like...
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
God, I've not seen that movie in so long. I thought the opening scene was in the restaurant. That is not the opening scene. I don't think. Is it? No.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I didn't do anything else. I think Friday, Saturday and Sunday don't exist anymore for me. I don't know what happened those three days. What does that mean?
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
I mean, you don't have to exist. I just sort of assume that you do. I think I do. I just I don't recall those days.
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
You know what? I did have one thing I remember now. Not last night, night before. I had this weird nightmare. I've never had one quite like it. The actual nightmare itself was relatively boring, right? I was in a house, and there was a teenage...
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
mutant ninja turtle no no just like a boy you're right it is boring go on he's like you have to help me my parents something's happened and i go to help him somehow i'm in their like house i'm upstairs in their house and he's like coming to me like i need to help them and they're like zombies or some kind of whatever and i go to help but it turns out he was also one but he was just like playing like he was still fine and he killed me and i kind of like woke up like
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
you know like you do when you die in a nightmare try to go back to sleep the same dream but i tried to help in a different way woke up after dying and like four or five times i had the same dream where i was aware that i was having the same dream i was like well i gotta approach it a different way four of me are already dead like there's only so many more of me left
Distractible
Three Word Sales Pitch
and it got me thinking about like uh I don't know what if there's like a central you and a whole bunch of you's in other universes and when something happens to them something happens like the main one where he loses part of himself or something and I was just like having trouble sleeping because I was like thinking about this but also the nightmare and then there was this really loud annoying noise outside I got like no sleep that night
Distractible
September 10th
I'm not gonna lie, my first thought was either to get a bulldozer and just drive into the base of the building and like mess up the elevators
Distractible
September 10th
Or to also call in a bomb threat. I actually had that thought too. Yeah, well, too late. But then I was like, all right, bigger picture. I'm going to call into one of the news programs and I'm going to tell them about exactly what's going to happen the next day. I'm going to tell them, I'll pretend to be Ben Layden. That'll be my name.
Distractible
September 10th
And I'm going to call in and tell them exactly what's about to happen. What?
Distractible
September 10th
Which locations? Which everything? I'm just going to predict the future for them and hope that maybe they're like, oh, that sounds like a threat. That sounds like a threat that could happen, Jim. Yep, Jim, maybe we should shut down the airports and figure out some security measures, Jim. I don't know who Jim is, but Jim... Man, you really picked a good date for this. I really enjoy this exercise.
Distractible
September 10th
I can't hear you over the whirring. It sounded like we're in a helicopter.
Distractible
September 10th
Wait. Well, if I remember right, that's the day before September 11th in Pompeii. It sure is.
Distractible
September 10th
All right. So I'm going to the Pompeii library. I'm going to get some Pompeii books and documents. I'm going to show them my blockbuster card and tell them I'm from the future. And it's my job to preserve some historical artifacts.
Distractible
September 10th
Oh, time's not kind to books. You know, paper, it goes bad. Yeah, age comes for us all, yeah, yeah. So I'm just coming to get some OGs, gonna take them to the future, gonna make some copies, and I'll bring them back. You're one of those crazies, aren't ya? Can you make this? You see this laminate? You have this technology? I don't think so. Yeah, we write things, we got books.
Distractible
September 10th
Covered in plastic, you see this film of plastic? Yeah, we got glasses. I pull out my cell phone.
Distractible
September 10th
Wow, man. I really thought I had something to prove that I was for the future. Look at my shoe. The great crazy shoe, right? I grab a bunch of documents and I run.
Distractible
September 10th
hey wait a minute hey oh shit so you you go to the library oh yeah talk to one dude i get one box of pompeii cards or uh pompeii documents pompeii card trading cards maybe like a palette of pompeii artifacts and cards and documents all right so you've gathered up uh as much as your arms can fit of uh of the pompeii library random documents yeah so selfish this one
Distractible
September 10th
As I run back to the time machine, I'm just screaming through the sheets. The sheets and the streets. I took some extra time to have fun in Pompeii.
Distractible
September 10th
Yeah, apparently. The eruption in the streets and in the sheets. Is that too soon? I'm sorry, Pompeii.
Distractible
September 10th
What's that shit about Pompeii? Yeah, but what if they just, like, wear googly glasses and mustaches and change their name to, like, Shotzi's or something? Like, we're not... That's not us.
Distractible
September 10th
Damn, the pompous currency. Bloons? What are they using, Pompeii? It's actually Pokemon cards. They were the first ones.
Distractible
September 10th
Ah, I say. Try not to fuck anything this time. No promises. I find the first dinosaur I see. I show it my blockbuster scar and say, are you impressed? One of them. And then I wake up. I'm like, that was a weird dream. And I go outside the time machine. And here's what I do. Since childhood, I've been taught how to handle this moment. Every Easter, you know what happens. Easter egg hunt. Oh.
Distractible
September 10th
But I'm on a dino egg hunt. Oh. I'm going around looking for different dino eggs to gather them up and try to bring as many varieties and different types. A couple of each one, you know, hoping like, okay, occasionally maybe I'll get a male, female, whatever. I'm gonna try to get some dino eggs and bring them back. Bob's got an ankylosaurus.
Distractible
September 10th
Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's chill and we'll like sit on the eggs. Maybe not. So I'll just kind of like try to keep them warm. And on the way back to the time machine, I yell...
Distractible
September 10th
there's a bomb expecting nothing to happen but nothing happens they just look at you oh and seeds i look for like little pine cones or something to like scoop up and hold my eggs like you know i guess it's only one item i'll make it whatever you can carry in your arms and pockets i apparently don't have a phone i still have pockets though right so i put a yeah yeah you put pine coney things in my pocket sure yeah all right okay all right so what is the likelihood that wade's gonna grab something that's actually like poisonous or it's gonna like sting him or something
Distractible
September 10th
Yeah, sometimes people will come and paint it for you in bright orange. They'll put little X's everywhere. And the next thing you know, they come and dig or they avoid those spots.
Distractible
September 10th
Sure, and when I get back, I'm going to pass them out and let you guys look at them. I'll be like, hey, look at this. I'm busy with my ankylosaurus.
Distractible
September 10th
You want to look at my pine cones? Not really. Wait, didn't you also grab plants?
Distractible
September 10th
We could just stay. What if we send them to the future and we stay? And just... Ooh. Oblivion. You know? Alright, let's go.
Distractible
September 10th
Uh... Sure. I still don't know what happened because I stopped before I got there. This explanation I found is unhelpful.
Distractible
September 10th
they make you feel like a big man tell you what so we're in Egypt in the past the beautiful new looking pyramid is in front of me but I know for a fact that these fuckers didn't build it the aliens did so I'm gonna ask them all about the aliens I want them to point me in the direction of the alien overlords that helped put these pyramids down here because together when we find the aliens we're gonna fuck them hmm
Distractible
September 10th
And I'm gonna bring back... Oh, man. What do you bring? A pair of alien panties. I don't know.
Distractible
September 10th
I show my blockbuster card to the sky, and I say, Beam me up, Scotty! And then beam me, Scotty!
Distractible
September 10th
If that's the initiation that he's going to go through, fine, but where's the aliens?
Distractible
September 10th
I mean, I think you missed the worst of it because, um, They reopened 471, right? They had that fire under the bridge and they had to like shut down the bridge for a while.
Distractible
September 10th
I think it's open now, but that caused all the traffic to surge to 75 and 71 on top of what they already had. And both roads were under constructions.
Distractible
September 10th
I just wanted a pun on the word Pharaoh, so I said unfair D. Wade is pro-slavery. Yeah, that guy should live longer. You know what? He shouldn't die. No, you don't get to bail on that.
Distractible
September 10th
I really changed my opinion on the whole thing after my month of flogging.
Distractible
September 10th
Hop back in, boys. What'd you get? A whip, a pair of sandals, and that guy's version of a home phone number, which is just number of houses down that road. Take a left at the big pyramid. Okay. whip sandals and a drawing crude tablet drawing of his house location in the streets of i was just getting flogged the whole time man my options were limited you kind of uh you know
Distractible
September 10th
It's happening. What? It's happening. We're trying to talk about our roads like Californians. We get traffic for one period of like three months, and we turn into the roads guy. Oh, 471s? Well, here's what you want to do. You want to take 75 south down to 275. Then you get back on 75 when it merges with 71. Take it down to Florence, y'all, and go shopping.
Distractible
September 10th
All right, no looking this one up. We got this. Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here?
Distractible
September 10th
Maybe a little war devastation because there wasn't fighting going on around this time.
Distractible
September 10th
I read the document. I have a right to bear arms. I have a right to bear arms.
Distractible
September 10th
I'm pretty sure that you're going to have the effect you want, but weren't the amendments passed a little while after the... They were already thinking about it.
Distractible
September 10th
Okay. All right. Here's what I do. I go and I'm looking for Mr. Hancock. I'm looking for Mr. Franklin. I'm going to find one of the founding fathers. And I'm gonna, like, you know, recite different parts of the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. I'm gonna give them, like, some stuff. I'll be like, hey, listen, I know what you guys are cooking up.
Distractible
September 10th
Listen, we gotta talk about some caps. Some financial caps. Because here, I'm from the future, and I'm gonna tell you, Mr. Franklin. Oh, boy, you do not want three people controlling 99% of the world's wealth. It's bad. We should probably maybe, I don't know, make sure that it's a little bit more spread out. So, uh, whenever we go over that whole, like, let's just...
Distractible
September 10th
I can't divulge things from the future or else it will change the past more than what I'm already doing by telling you to change the past.
Distractible
September 10th
I really need that back. It was my one thing from the 90s. Nope. Well, can I have something of value from your time? We'll trade.
Distractible
September 10th
Oh. Ker-chunk. I need a new blockbuster car. Can we make a pit stop in the 90s?
Distractible
September 10th
I reported all of that to the news. That should have gone out. They knew it was coming.
Distractible
September 10th
That's what I always say. We'll spare no expense. I'm famous now for my conspiracy days. I'm fine. You sound fine.
Distractible
September 10th
In the government, is there a blockbuster that's bigger than a filibuster now?
Distractible
September 10th
Was Nazi Germany still called Nazi Germany? Bob did carve the don't trust Nazis into the walls, right? I did do that.
Distractible
September 10th
I think I'm gonna go get checked out at the doctor, Bob. I don't think this time machine was very good for us.
Distractible
September 10th
Wait, people lived from Pompeii? They survived? Yeah, it was the day before.
Distractible
September 10th
Well, Ohio just celebrated its 222nd birthday, and I'm not sure back then they really planned out how they were going to build cities very well, so I think we're doing some... Because, you know, highways existed as soon as we were founded. Uh-huh, pretty much. The moment you establish that you're a state, highways just pop up along you.
Distractible
September 10th
What the fuck? Can we land on the same one twice? We never discussed that.
Distractible
September 10th
We are pretty much, but I think you're a little bit taller. I don't know. I think you're a little taller than me.
Distractible
September 10th
Oh, okay. Anyway, winner's speech? Uh, yeah. You know what? History... is written by the victors, and I think the three of us and our adventures showed that we were the victors of history.
Distractible
September 10th
We got to see a lot of September 10th's over the years, and I think we know about the weather patterns on the 10th, and I think that between that and our Nostradamus-like abilities, and my already fame and Bob's Pokemon card and dinosaur fortune, and Mark apparently didn't do a fucking thing in the past, so like... He was our captain! Yeah, Captain can lead the ship, all right?
Distractible
September 10th
So maybe next time Captain does something, you know? But it's cool. Bob and I will just carry the win on our shoulders. So I think Bob and I are the real winners. And, yeah, thanks, Mark, for pushing a button, I guess.
Distractible
September 10th
And we are not getting together for Christmas, even if we're technically thousands of year old separated family.
Distractible
September 10th
I'm thinking horse pulled rowboat is the way to go. That way you're covered for ground. That way you're covered for water. And if the horses go real fast, you're in the air.
Distractible
September 10th
I don't need a permit. I'm glad you're getting out of conk. No more conk for you. So slay, girl. Thank you.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Yeah, yeah. Okay, actually. Based on my performance, I'm expecting those results. I believe it. He knows what's going to happen. I'm just getting things written down on my... I was going to say my WordPad here. You know, I'm just going to get it out of the way here. My WordPad here.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
It's kind of like that, because this is the story of a 34-year-old woman in Midland, Michigan, who was discovered to have been living inside the signage on top of a supermarket for about a year. Apparently...
Distractible
WordPad Broke
In 2024, contractors were on the roof of this grocery store, Family Fair grocery store, and saw an extension cord plugged into an outlet leading over around a corner into a little separated off area. And they went and explored because they were curious when they discovered a mini apartment set up You know how on grocery stores on top, it'll say like real big, like Kroger.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And it's like on top of the building. The family fair thing is like a small 15 by five room on the outside of which it says family fair. And on the inside of which is a 15 by five apartment with a desk with a computer and a printer. A Keurig, a pantry with food, a thriving house plant, and apparently also flooring installed. And a woman lived there for about a year before she was discovered.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
She had a car, had a job that she just went to. She was just living in it like this was her normal apartment, but also somehow was never discovered. Dude, going to the grocery would suck a lot less if it was just downstairs. I don't know how you get up and down off that roof. I'm thinking it's probably kind of a pain in the ass, but it would be nice to live that close to the grocery store.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
What was the name of the store, the market or whatever? Family Fair. I like to think there's a secret elevator where, like, the A-I-R just, like, lowers down and she rides it, then it, like, bounces back up. Well, it couldn't be because it's Fair F-A-R-E, as in that's delicious fair. Mm-hmm.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
maybe it's far the far drops and goes back anyway i just i've i feel like so the resolution of it was they discovered her in the store called the police and they trespassed her so she can't come back in the store and they let her get her belongings apparently but then they were like you can't do that i say let her live there you didn't notice i do too that's like a mini attraction
Distractible
WordPad Broke
You didn't notice for a whole year that this lady's living. Clearly, it's not impacting you in the housing climate that we live in. I feel like this woman just found a way to beat the system. Seems just shitty to just kick her out because now it's just empty. Now nobody lives there. Turns out she had a seven figure job and just really liked living on top of there.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
It must be very satisfying to live somewhere rent free. The only place I live rent free is inside Mark's head. Hey, I didn't know you were in there. I'm going to evict you now. Get out of my head. That's why you can't spell so good. So I'm in there jumbling them all up.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
So I had a whole bunch of topics, and by a whole bunch, I mean at least five that I would open up, and I'll occasionally come up with an idea for the podcast. I'm like, ooh, that's a good idea. And I'll open up WordPad, and I'll type it in there, and I'll be like, okay, here's an idea. Here's a little breakdown of what the idea is. I'll save it. And then whenever...
Distractible
WordPad Broke
It's spinning. That's why I got in there in the first place. I wanted to see the apple.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I see an apple spinning in my head. Not in front of me. Like some people seem to believe it is. If I had an apple, I'd see an apple in front of me. I don't know. That's a good story. I wish she continued to live there, though. I feel like she earned the right to live there. I feel like if you break a gear and nobody notices, you got eternal dibs on that.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Not like someone else is dying to live there. It's just a waste. That reminds me of when you said Rooftop Ninja. I don't know if you guys are aware of this story or not. I might have talked about this in the past, too. Do you guys remember the superheroes of Cincinnati, including Shadowhair? Have I talked about them before? I'm sorry, what? Shadow hair. Look up Cincinnati. Shadow hair. H-A-R-E.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Okay. Oh, this guy says he lived in Milford. Yeah, so fun fact. I have a family member who was one of the superheroes who ran along with him. Ooh. Oh. as they were heroes around Cincinnati. So I know Shadowhair's identity, which I will not be sharing. You know Shadowhair? I do. You're going to just put it out there publicly that you know this information?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Someone's going to kidnap you and torture you now. I know. The Lex Luthor of Cincinnati is going to come kidnap me and hang me upside down. Who is he? Dude, Rex Buford is not going to take this lying down. And yes, our Lex Luthor is called Rex Buford. It's appropriate.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
They made the news years ago. There was a whole news segment about Shadowhair and the hero troop. I believe the villains might be at ease, though, because I think he's retired now. Yeah, we had a band of superheroes running around Cincinnati for a little while, and I knew at least one or two of their identities.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Apparently, Shadowhair was a member of the Allegiance of Heroes, which included other masked crime fighters such as Ecliptico, Wallcreeper, and Master Legend. That just sounds like a list of Wish.com copycats of the Avengers.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I'm making my way toward these ideas or whatever. I'll go in and I'll like elaborate on them some and be like, okay, this is for some of them like secret words in the past. I would come up with a list of words, whatever, have it. Well, it turns out that Windows had a forced update recently. And by recently, you guys might be like, oh, it was like a week ago.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
also tyler's pretty creepy could be wall creeper i think the years that shadow hair and the allegiance of whatever you said were active was before like the marvel up tick before it became super popular like you know they obviously had the comics oh so they did it first uh but it was like the it was i think i was just out of high school we were just out of high school so this is like this is like mid to late 2000s and i think iron man came out like 2008 2005 to 2010 apparently
Distractible
WordPad Broke
that's hey man i was right on with that one like i said i had a personal stake that maybe they rescued me once i can't remember but never forget whenever you said a rooftop ninja i was like we have a new superhero in cincinnati i was hopeful anyway that was a random side tangent but i can't believe i didn't hear about that i literally was living that was while i was in college in cincinnati mostly yeah i didn't hear about a thing
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Well, now you know. I mean, Mark, you didn't know about the clown sightings of 2016. Well, I don't know if any of you did either. I did. Did you guys? I didn't really, but Wade did. I thought it was pretty, well, like I thought there were like news segments. It was kind of a thing because people were actually scared because they weren't just like walking around as clowns.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Some people were like carrying things that looked like weapons and stuff like to intimidate. Like they were trying, some of them were trying to scare people. Not a reporter didn't go into like Kings Island, Hollywood, or Halloween Horror Nights or something. Hollywood Horror Nights.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I'm coming to you from a house. This house sprung up overnight here at Kings Island. We've never seen it before. They're disguising it as a thrill park ride called House of Terror. We're going to go inside and see what we can find. It's horrible in here. How could someone live in these conditions? It wasn't there. It was out like the woods or people be pumping gas.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And so it was like step out from behind a bush like as a clown and then like try to disappear or something. I'm surprised people dressed as clowns didn't end up getting shot or killed. Maybe they did. Yeah, I feel like you do that in the wrong place in America.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I feel like if you're scared of clowns and someone walks out dressed like a clown holding a baseball bat, my first thought would be either run the fuck. It's fight or flight. You know, it's one of those two. I'm a flighter. Some people are fighters. I have news as well. Good.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
You know, I want to hear about that. How big would our wings be? I feel like TV and movies have already answered this for us because they tend to agree. What do they say? I can't remember. What's his name? The guy who is now Captain America. Doesn't he have wings from the Marvel movies? I forget his name. Those are about the same size.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And yeah, it was a couple weeks ago, probably for you now. But for the first time since I think 1998 or something like that, WordPad is no longer part of Windows. And I stupidly, apparently, saved a bunch of stuff on WordPags. I was like, well, it's not like Microsoft Office or Adobe or something else where I might eventually lose it if I don't have that program.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And then from the TV show Lucifer, technically not human, but a human-sized guy. And there are also angels in that movie. They all have wings. The wings are approximately all the same size, I feel like. And that basically when they're folded up, it's like as tall as the person is. And then the span is a little bit wider than the person is tall. It's aesthetically pleasing. That's what it is.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Not nearly big enough. Well, we're like bumblebees. It's a physics miracle that we can fly, but it's it's just how it works. What this article is saying, like a five foot tall person would need 20 feet, 20 foot wingspan. What the shit?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
So extrapolating that to like you guys' size, you would need somewhere around like 24, 25 feet. I would need like a 40 foot wingspan. I'm reading the average would be 6.7 meters, which is about 22 feet. Jesus Christ. No, no, that's ugly. That's ungainly. But we don't have the correct muscle mass and our wings and bodies would still be too heavy to really be able to fly.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Yeah, that's not the only thing. your tits would have to be so incredibly large to pull those wings in so not only would you have an incredible wingspan you would be barrel chested like no other human has ever been like eddie hall levels of just chest so like dolly parton could fly hey Yes. She's our only hope. Because she's skinny. Isn't she famous for having a big chest?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I don't, maybe I'm thinking of the wrong person. No, I think you're right. Yes, I think so. Yeah. All right. She's our only hope. Give her some wing science. Anyway, that's why I was like, it wasn't, this news wasn't newsworthy. There's nothing to be said here. No, there's ways around this, Mark. All we need to do is hollow out our bones, make lots of bone broth to lighten our weight.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I was just going to suggest that if humans are going to evolve wings, we should also evolve biojets, which is a system of jet propulsion that is fueled biologically and integrated into our living system. Photosynthesis jets. It's the powerhouse of the cell.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I feel like this is copying the Go My Favorite Sports Team episode where me and Tyler came up with the ultimate athlete and he had a jet in his chest. I'm sorry. I'm unfamiliar with that show. What is this? on my favorite sports team, the number one sports podcast in the world. I listen to a lot of sports podcasts. I've never heard of that one. Oh, it's number one in our hearts.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And the number one episode featured yours truly. Well, not anymore. Yeah, probably. It might not be anymore. But at one time. I think the next one is where you both were on there, so I don't know. People love us. Thank you, people. We're the famous ones here. Yeah.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
At least WordPad's consistently with Windows. Not anymore, it finds out. Hey, I have WordPad on my Windows 11 computer. I just opened it up. Well, I had to reinstall it and all of my stuff's gone. And I found some Reddit posts, people like rest in peace, WordPad 1998 to 2024. Weird. But anyway, WordPad was taken away from me and I lost all of my info, including all of my ideas.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
The trouble is all the news from my source is just sad, depressing world news that's occurring right now because it's so crazy that it comes up in the crazy feed. I have a question. There's a man who is from a place in Wisconsin, the name of which I take issue with, but apparently Fond du Lac, Wisconsin is a place.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
There's a man who lives there named Donald Gorski, who is 70 years old and has been eating not entirely exclusively, but almost entirely exclusively Big Macs for over 50 years. Damn. How many Big Macs do you think he's eaten?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
nothing but big macs for 50 years so every meal is big macs basically yeah he if he needs a meal it's likely a big mac it's almost guaranteed so let's assume two big macs a day 365 days a year for 50 years i don't feel like doing that math Is that 3,650 Big Macs? Not even close. Oh, I thought that was one year's worth. I was like, he's eating 10 Big Macs a day? And a day?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
How many Big Macs has he eaten? Okay, how many? 50 years? Every meal? Over 50 years. This article says he's been doing it for over 50 years, and there have been eight days in those 50 years where he consumed zero Big Macs.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
oh so he averages definitely over one big mac per day but i don't even know what his upper limit is i don't know why in the age where we have calculators within arm's reach i'm trying to do this math i only did 10 it was 100 that should be like 36 500 oh okay this will help this will help here's a description of his average daily eating habits Typically, two Big Macs a day.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Skips breakfast, has a small evening snack, which is not a Big Mac. Little Mac. But has Big Mac for lunch, Big Mac for dinner to maintain his health. Gorski does not ever eat French fries and walks six miles a day. All right. Well, and he has kept meticulous records of his Big Mac consumption, literally saving receipts and containers in which the Big Macs were served to him.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
wait containers oh i don't know if i want to see a 50 year old big mac container the greasy well they probably wouldn't age at all they look exactly the same as the day they got soaked in grease that stuff doesn't go wrong it doesn't go bad the way he can show how the big macs used to be in a box this big and now they come in a box this big what are those dolls called where you open it up there's a smaller doll inside russian nesting dolls mcdonald's nesting mac
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Apparently, he's also eaten Big Macs at every single NFL stadium, Major League Baseball stadium and NASCAR track in the United States. Well, if he's had to walk six miles a day, he's had to walk around the US a bunch. That makes sense. So there isn't always a McDonald's in these places. He takes a Big Mac and intentionally goes it there. He brings it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's dedication.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
It's got to be between 35,000 and 40,000 Big Macs. Two a day for 50 years. Two times 50 is 100, right? 365 days a year. 100 times 365 is 36,500. I'm going to go 36,501. What's the fucking game show where people do that? What is the game show? What could the game show be? What is the game show? Daily... Daily... Daily Dudes? What is that game show? Oh, no idea. Price is Right. Fuck.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
So I have nothing in the tank and I'm kind of upset about it. That's tough. For those that don't know, I play D&D every Wednesday on a channel called Lost Initiative on Twitch, and I had a huge document of background info, items, progression, notes, different things for my character, all gone, along with all my distractible ideas. So I'm a little disheartened. Those things are of equal value.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
You know the Daily Dudes? Oh, you got the Daily Doodle. If you're playing Price is Right rules, you're both wrong! Okay. But you're very close. Apparently his officially recorded number is 34,128 Big Macs. But he's got different length years than we do. Well, he might not eat two every single day, I think is the big thing. So his average is like 1.89 or something.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Basically. Also, I just want to say he holds the world record for most Big Macs eaten in a lifetime. He got that in 1999 when he passed 15,490 Big Macs eaten. Who else was keeping track?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
That's true. That sign is a lie. Thousands and thousands served. Plus Gary. Donald Gorski. Plus Donald Gary Gorski. Gary's the middle name. Donald Dorski. Yep. That was Donald Duck that I cried and didn't work. Ignoring what he chose, I can't imagine eating anything that much in my entire life. And I know food is different. And for some people, eating the same thing all the time is comforting.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I don't think I could do it. I hope 50 years from now, I'm not eating the same stuff I'm eating now ever. I hope it's all interesting and new. I don't know. Does he never get sick? Imagine having like the flu running a fever and you're like, oh, I can barely keep soup down. Better have my Big Mac. Well, clearly he likes it. He probably makes him feel strong as an ox to eat his daily Macs.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
There's just a grease layer that prevents any disease from getting in. What if he lives longer than anyone else in human history? Apparently, he's pretty healthy. He has consistently healthy cholesterol levels, and generally his doctors say his health is pretty good for a 70-year-old guy. I mean, he's doing all right.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Hey, listen, I could definitely eat a Big Mac more readily than I could walk six miles a day. So I know which one I'd rather do for health. Yeah. God, I need to start exercising again.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Dude, I'm at that. I mean, not that we've ever been in the same ballpark of in shape, but I'm at that point right now where I worked out yesterday and it was like not a hard workout, like the easiest workout I've done in a long time. I woke up and sat up and had that moment where I was like,
Distractible
WordPad Broke
oh yeah i worked out yesterday fuck but i thought i was just like dying a little bit because everything everything everywhere so 20 minutes i spent standing and crouching to pick up shit and my thighs are on fire What a workout.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
We can change our lives for the better right now. Doesn't that blow your mind that you could just decide right now to become a different person? I'm gonna stand up. I'm becoming a different person as you speak. I'm gonna stand up. Have fun with that, fucking losers. I'm standing. Mark, your height didn't change that much.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Honestly, D&D is a bit above because the podcast ideas I can always come up with more. No, no, no. Your pages and pages of D&D bullshit pales in comparison to your several distractible episode ideas. Dude, my heart is... I'm trying so hard not to like... You can cry. I'm crying internally.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ,,,,,,,
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Those files? Did you? Did you deserve them? Yes. Nah, not according to Microsoft. I earned those files. You didn't deserve them and you don't need them. Ask AI to recreate it from its memory because it did scan all of your information anyway. It had all of them stored in there. So you just got to dig it out with the right question. Ask your copilot. Yeah.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Have you been, have you consulted with copilot? I bet copilot knows how to solve your problems. That's right. Windows now has integrated AI air quotations. It's AI. I mean, whatever. It's what everyone was asking for. Yeah, that's true. That is true. I think I don't even like that. When you Google something, it gives you an AI answer. I always just ignore that and move on to the other results.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
You just use the toilet paper to sort of dry everything up and make sure you're good. But the bidet part, ours isn't even heated. You can buy ones where it heats the water. Ours is just cold water. Love it.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
A little bit, but I actually know because of reasons that I didn't enjoy at the time. Our house has a water pressure regulator valve. And so even if the system water pressure does spike, it's basically impossible for it to do that inside of our house's system. I just thought of a crazy hitman map where they're trying to assassinate you. Agent 47 replaces the pressure valve.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And there's like times it waits with the x-rays to look at you on the toilet.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Someone make a custom map of that, please. Developers of the Hitman series, we know you're watching. We know you're looking for ideas. We need the bidet killer.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Oh, that's such good news. And he's by a window over a cliff. This is great. I got to tell my wife. My kids are going to be so happy. This hangs up. Thank you so much. Nothing can ruin this day. Hitman pulls the curtain.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I know how to piss off an entire knife sharpening community in two sentences. What are the sentences? It looks like a gaming controller for like the Nintendo Switch Mini. The sentences are, hey all you, watch this. I bet everyone's mad. I don't like that sound. I don't even know what's happening, and I don't like that sound. I hated that. I don't know. I don't know how to sharpen anything.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Is that the correct direction to sharpen? I always thought you sharpened, like, sharp part away.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I thought you were just going to take your knife and just go, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. There were not instructions on it, so I just kind of guessed there's a rough side, a smooth side, a round white side, and a green leather side. That's called a strop. Is it working? Don't do it again. The leather is for removing the burr, Mark. That's the last step. I don't think so. I think you probably...
Distractible
WordPad Broke
so mark goes against the grain one time and then rubs it on the leather he's like it's sharp all grain shmain as if there's grain and metal it ain't wood dum-dum this guy here thanks that's true you can't count the rings on metal to see how old it is so i don't if anyone wants to get really mad at me and earn some reddit karma here's your ammo okay i'm gonna go the other way That sounded better.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I wish that they made like a browser extensions or something where you could be like, I want to Google and I want you to scroll down two pages so that I don't even see the AI summary or sponsored links. I just want to see the actual Google results. This is a weird throwback, but do you guys remember whenever we were in school, we weren't allowed to use like Wikipedia as a reference for anything.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
That one didn't make any noise. That was the smooth side. Sorry. Oh, I hate that. Why is that noise so gross? I don't know. It's just just sharpening. Probably. I hope it's sharpening.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
help sharpening is that supposed to be a wet sharpener or is that a dry sharpener i put some oil on it see uh all right i think are you supposed to oil the knife or oil the thing because i put some oil on it oh you want to use gas you want to use gasoline when you're sparking the wet stones traditionally you soak in water i think oh it's not a stone This has got diamonds in it.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
That's probably good. It's got a rotating doodad, so you can change the mode. Does it not have an angle guide for you?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Oh, it's just right on the end there? You're just supposed to keep it? Yeah, sure.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I don't know what that means. It's got this. Oh, course. Oh, it's one of those Corsair sharpeners. Warning. Wait, whoa.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I found the instructions. Wow. We are witnessing magic right now. It was in the... Let me... Hear ye, hear ye.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
So wait, you accidentally dropped it, broke it, and that's what revealed the instructions.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
It was like we had to have a book source or if we had a website, it had to be like a dot gov or something like that. Like we had to have reputable sources. Sure. I feel like compared to the Google AI and other AI search result engines, Wikipedia is the law of physics. Like it. Cannot be faulted compared to some of these Google AI search results.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I found gun oil. So that's just as good, right? Just watch out. It might go off while you're sharpening it. I found this motor oil. No, it's not gun oil. Well, it was, but it's heavy-duty weapons oil, right? Oh, well, that's a weapon, I guess, right?
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Read your instructions that you found. With every word, I'm pissing off the knife community more and more. Well, good thing you got that D2 steel. If you do all of this and then the comments on this episode are a bunch of knife people just being like, oh, we're just glad you're here, buddy. That was a great first effort at sharp. D2 is a fine steal.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
A bunch of weird cheerleaders who are not mad about anything that you did.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Except for the one guy you just turned into a supervillain. That's what happened the first time. Everyone was all pro D2 steel, and it was weird. Well, this isn't D2 steel. This is 8CR13MOV. Oh, well, that's fucking peasant shit right there. That's not even beginner. Fucking trash heap steel. I wouldn't even drink soda out of a can made of that steel. Probably toxic.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
That's fine. I'm going to, Bob, unless you have anything, I'm just going to wrap up the travesty that was my efforts today. No, I already told my poop story, so that's pretty much it. Yeah, congrats on the bidet. I, guys, can't recommend it enough. Give it a shot. And Mark, it sounds like you had a bad experience. Sounds like you need to get the right bidet. No, I don't need a bidet. I'm fine.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Your ass is filthy. Try bidet. Try bidet. Ooh la la. You guys remember the commercials for the bidets? No. It's Tresemme. It's like a meal prep or something. What's Tresemme? You know that little jingle? Tresemme, Tresemme. You're not explaining what it is. What is it? I don't fucking know what it is. I saw the commercial. I feel like that's what commercials are for. T-R-E-S-E-M-M-E. Tresemme.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Tresemme? I guess it's not food. I guess it's shampoo. Ha ha ha. Hey, that's shampoo. Yeah, that is not food at all. I know it's resume. I just knew the ooh la la. There you go. Shampoo. You don't eat it. Why are all your commercials from like 20 plus years ago? Because I'm from 20 plus years ago.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
all right i'm gonna do points mark you go first why no particular reason first look you got points for it was ai the whole time where clown i see a apple fly price was wrong stand mark knife sharp shenanigans bob you got points for chlorophyll powerhouse of the cell You gonna cry? Rooftop Ninja, rent-free in Mark's head, and bidet. Bob, you finished with six points.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Mark, you finished with seven points. Mark, you won. Oh my god, I didn't actually think I was gonna make it. Yeah, I thought I was gonna fix it somehow. Especially when I walked away to go to the bathroom. We didn't even pretend to make a deal this time. We're just talking. Usually we pretend these days. Well, yay. Congrats, Mark. Bob, you get to give your speech first.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
They're so wonky sometimes and weird and just wrong that it makes every Wikipedia article I've ever read ever look perfect. or it's predicting future information that it knows you're going to need someday. And you think it's wrong now, but it will retroactive future role reactively make it correct. That's what the machines are going to do.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I choose to give a winner speech. Winning feels good. Winning feels great. Winning feels like a big piece of cake on your plate. Sometimes you win because you're the best, and sometimes you win because you've killed the rest. And I say that wholeheartedly from my full chest. Winning feels great. I'm done now. Okay. Great. That was good. Good rhymes. Good rhymes.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
You're lucky you already won, man. Um, I like how you said no, you didn't have a rhyming speech, and then you had a terrible one, so congrats on the win. A raven's not a crow. Facts. Thank you all for watching. Are you going to have a rhyming outro? Yeah, what's the deal? I'm sorry it was less entertaining than it showed. But, like all things, we too must goad. So goodbye for now from me. Woad.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Follow these guys in places they may have... Node. Market market plier. Bob at my skirm. Use wings that flowed. Podcast out. Fluff your F-road.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
They're like, we made some mistakes in the past, but we can't make mistakes. We're perfect. We must make that the future. Then we will never been wrong.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Yeah, because DeepSeek released. Yeah, exactly. Deep Seek, and then they came out with another, with a, what is it, an image one, an image generation thing that's all open source and free. Oh, did they? I forget what it's called, but yeah, Deep Seek is scaring the shit out of all these people who have billions of dollars invested in AI companies.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
It'll fit if we cram it enough in there many times! And so they broke the training into smaller pieces until the neural network was able to...
Distractible
WordPad Broke
comprehend the individual like separate segments that it was doing and then it was combining them afterwards and allowing it to figure itself out um as it was going and then suddenly it was like way way better i read that i was like yeah that makes sense were the other guys not doing that seems like seems like they should have seems like someone there would have instead of a spoonful of cereal they opened the baby's mouth and just poured box after box and they're like eventually you'll retain this swallow
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm the host, and boy does it feel good to say that again, Wade. Joined as always by my... I called you co-host last time and you guys were like, co-host? We're not going to let you get away with anything, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah. Joined as always by my friends. Friends? And occasional host of this podcast, Mark and Bob.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And then boom, it's off to the races. We're going to have AI betting instead of horse betting one day where we line up the AIs to see who gets to the finish line first. That's the stock market right now. That is.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
yeah it is oh god no i will say uh not that this isn't true of all of the ai things that you can use online but man if china wanted some data did they pick the right avenue to get an unlimited supply of free data make sure you look into the data retention policies.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And I'm pretty sure that I don't remember exactly, but the deep seek data policy is something like if you type it in, even if you don't hit enter, we own that shit forever. And we probably de-identified the data, so it's probably anonymous, but we're not going to explain how we do that. Yeah, why would we? Take our word for it. Trust me, bro. Trust me, bro.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Which I have no faith that... I know that other companies like OpenAI and stuff have policies that say different things, and I'm sure they follow their policies because no corporation has ever lied about what they're doing with data. But also, I have no faith that any other company is any better, but... Make sure you don't type any important shit in a deep seek because that's no longer private.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
You might as well be posting that publicly everywhere on the internet. But I don't think anyone gives a shit. Judging by how many people immediately downloaded Red Note and were like, come on, watch me, algorithm me. I don't think anyone gives a single fuck about who has their online data. No worries. No worries.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Honestly, for some of those, it's probably like, yeah, the data isn't particularly valuable. But, you know, some people using these services are probably using them on computers that are connected to various sensitive systems.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I'm not saying it is or does that stuff, but it's like people need to have more caution about using these services. Probably shouldn't log into deep seek on a high security, important, valuable computers for your workplace or yeah. I mean, whatever. I understand. They're like, how many clowns can I fit into a car if they were naked? And Kellogg's like, this is the person we need to target.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
We got them. I mean, how many more do you get if they're naked versus if they're in full clown gear? Cause that does take up naked and lubed or naked and dry. Ooh, they're always lubed. That's clown life. Yeah, well, OK, just checking. I feel like the difference is a lot then, because naked and lubed gives you a lot of leeway. You can slither a lot in there.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Because imagine all the ones with the big hoop outfits, like the big wide... Yeah, I mean, those flatten, but even still, you're going to lose some volume in that. It's a lot of ruffles. It's an interesting Google, and since I said it out loud, my data is now out there. It's true.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
No, not really, no. Who needs a dick when they got that big nose? Maybe I'm just on the wrong corner of the internet. Are you telling us something? No, there's a word, there's a term for it. Amy, put this on!
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Hi, guys. Occasional hosts? I host all the time. I'm the best one. We each host occasionally. I think I fall under the occasional hosts. I've been quite the losing streak. I'm the funniest one. I've had a pretty bad streak this year until lately. I've lost a few in a row. Still January for us. What do you mean you've had a bad streak this year? I've had a real bad start to the year.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Did a great job. I mean yeah Skarsgård yeah I love that guy have you guys seen the newest Nosferatu that he's in no I haven't and I haven't seen any good movies lately I haven't I guess I didn't really give you guys an avenue for small talk. We just kind of jumped right into talking about my bullshit. No, you said you didn't have a topic. We're doing it.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Also, nobody just called me out that I think I said, oh, no, it is Bill Skarsgård. Is his brother Alexander Skarsgård? Or is that a different guy? He's got several, I think at least one or two family members that are actors and stuff. I don't remember their names, though. Well, I said the right one then. So never mind. I thought I was an idiot. This is bizarre.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
This sentence following the 2016 clown sightings, which is a clickable hyperlink. According to Pornhub, searches for clown pornography on its site increased 213%, with women being 33% more likely to search for it than men. What is the 2016 clown sightings? I think that was actually a bad thing. That's when people dressed up as clowns and scared people.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
The 2016 clown sightings were reports of people disguised as evil clowns in incongruous settings such as forests and schools. Incidents were reported in the US, Canada, Australia, in the UK, subsequently in other countries and territories as well. It all started in August of 2016. That was a big thing. Yeah, people were like scaring people because they were walking around as the clowns.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
I do kind of remember that now that I'm like reading about a little bit. I don't remember that at all. I can't believe I know something that you didn't. I never saw one. So it wasn't a thing that I like live through. But I do remember that. I don't remember that at all. Look, I'm just gonna throw it out there. Still not a clown fan. Whatever clicked for everyone who's into the Klussie.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
Not for me. Tyler also hates clowns. Also, wouldn't it be Clownussie? I guess Klussie makes sense. Klausie. Santa Klausie. I don't want. No, I don't know. There's a big difference between the Klussie and Santa Klausie. You know, Santa's pretty close to being a clown. He's got the red nose. He's just a little white face paint away. Yeah. Santa has the red nose. Santa is like a PC clown.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
He doesn't have like the Rudolph red nose, but he's got like the red, like I've been out in the cold a long time. No. Oh, I see. So anyone that goes out in the cold with their noses exposed starts to risk clown. What is it? Well, a clown wolf, a wereclown.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
we're clowning their clown i don't remember how we got the clowns i don't either we're talking about lubed up clowns getting into a car how many more there could be oh that's right getting into a car right right right right oh yeah ai wow we went down ai that's right remember the big klussy sighting in 2016 how we get oh yeah ai i'm pretty sure it's not pronounced klussy but i don't want to go on a limb search it
Distractible
WordPad Broke
This is... Clussy. Well, they do do Clussy, but I don't know about that. That doesn't sound right. Oh, it all ends in ussy. No, that's clumsy. That's not the right word. Clumsy. Clumsy. Get you some of that clumsy. I'm not getting anything. I'm not getting anything out of this. I think you did. You just don't like what you found. Yeah, I don't like what I found. Well, anyway, yeah, WordPad's gone.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And AI's gonna fix it all, I guess. So, yay. I have news! Oh! I don't know why that was your intro. I'll take it. Sounds good to me. I didn't mind it. Have you heard of the Rooftop Ninja? No. It's not as exciting as it sounds.
Distractible
WordPad Broke
And honestly, now that I'm saying it out loud for the first time, it's Rooftop Ninja much more in the vein of that woman who sings the song when she's all, I want to be ninja. You know that video? Yeah, I think so. No.
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
No, stop. No, it's the opposite. It's the opposite. Stop. What the fuck was that? Sorry, I don't know what that was.
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
Which one? I don't know who's who. We look at Mark's background and we see the chalk strap on the...
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
That man was celebrity, uh, and I... up and sold it on auction for $7,200.
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
Oh yeah. I wear so many of these. This happens all the time. It's like a fucking run. Why did he dispose of it after?
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
So, but... Are they going to think it's my condom? Honestly, it's not mine. I swear, this dude was in here and I heard a plop and I looked over and there was a condom on the ground. I'm not saying who it was.
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
Great condition. Proof that it's sealed. They just hold it up. It's not dripping. Let's see.
Distractible
The Cost Is Correct
It was super close to it. I know. Yeah. Weird how that works, isn't it? This is some bullshit. I want my ink. I was just chucking 14 even to get close. I didn't know that was it. Wow.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Very good. Man, I really went downhill from that nat 20. Let's see if it worked.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
way it goes first all right what is the pinocchio paradox i actually don't know this one all right so pinocchio he's a little wooden boy when he lies his nose grows that's true pinocchio paradox is if pinocchio keeps lying and his nose keeps growing infinitely How much mass is being taken away from the rest of the universe to make his nose?
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Will his nose eventually grow to the point where all of the universe is contained in his nose? It becomes a singularity of Pinocchio nose. I'm curious how in your mind his nose is stealing matter from the universe around him and converting it into nose. Well, it keeps growing and mass can't just be created out of nowhere.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Theoretically, if it got long enough, I feel like there's a few steps removed from he's made a wood and it's pulling from wood from the rest of him versus it's sucking mass from everything around him and converting it into nose.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
It could pull from a nose deposit that is tracking all the way through his body.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Pinocchio, do you like that? Do you like that, babe? Where'd it go? Yeah, I like that.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
The Pinocchio paradox is when there are two Pinocchios standing at a door, and one of them goes like, I am the Pinocchio that guards this gate. One of us tells only truths. One of us tells only lies. One of us speaks in riddles. One of us speaks in rhymes. And then you have to guess which one's the liar, but it's obvious because his nose will grow.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I was like, man, I know the liar's paradox. I know the double liar's paradox. I don't know Pinocchio's.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Mark goes first, technically, on this one. The only paradox there is how his parents thought it was a good idea to name him Russell. What kind of name is Russell? Russell's paradox is when you look at this guy and you're like, oh man, he looks like he's got a cool name. And then he says, I'm Russell. And you're like, oh fuck, go away. And you know, that's Russell's paradox.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
How can someone be walking with a name like Russell? And Russell is not going to like that answer. Or Russell's. To all the Russell's watching, I'm sorry. Well, no one likes Russell anyway, so no one cares about Russell's opinion. I had a family named Russell, but it's cool.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
This is a weird reference, but I'm pretty sure the older boy in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids is named Russell. That makes sense. That's about right. What a piece of shit. Oh, am I supposed to answer now? Are you done answering?
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
All right, so the first Russell that came to mind for me is Russell Brand, and he's got like long hair. Russell's paradox is kind of like my version of the Pinocchio paradox, where if Russell's hair keeps growing, eventually it's going to have to take all the matter.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Well, as long as it makes sense. And I'm pretty sure with a name like Russell's Paradox, it's got to be something like that. Because Russell, I think, has two S's and two L's. It's already consuming the entire alphabet to make S's and L's. Might as well be. I think Wade's proposition there just only backs his Russell brand as a giant prick. Aren't you cosplaying as him, Mark? Oh, the hair.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
wade what is the coastline paradox uh the coastline paradox i think this is another name for the hairline paradox as time and or water continue to move in it will slowly take away the coast just like the hair starts to disappear but the further it goes in is it still the hairline or is it eventually the
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
end line what is the coast the coast is ever receding weight is shockingly close to the answer do you know it i do know this paradox i do know this you know the correct answer mark it's one of the stupidest paradoxes in the world if it's the one i'm thinking of it's just so fucking dumb it's so goddamn dumb anyone that says like
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
there are rules and there is a constitution and we do get in a hot tub for some reason and there are boats and no one cares how are you guys doing today you got any small talk oh wade disappeared oh there he is i always have small talk of the fascinating variety constantly full of entertaining tidbits about how i am doing random bullshit i actually have nothing
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
is one of those... Well, actually, it's where if you try to measure the coastline, right? Okay, you have like a ruler. You measure the coast and you just pick a random point there and wherever the shore meets and you're like, okay, I'll go there. No, no, no, no, you measure the coast. It's like, okay, that's great. But...
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
If you increase the precision by shrinking the measuring device of your measuring thing, the coast, you'll always get a larger number with the more precise measurement of what it is, and it could be like, the coast is technically infinite. And I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. The coast is obviously not infinite.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
It's the same people that say, well, if you put a cat in a box, it's like the Schrodinger's bullshit. That's fine. You mean my birthday cake? No, I'm not talking about that, but it's just like people using the concept of infinite in a really dumb way. Clearly the coast has a definite size. It is not infinitely large because you can't
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
It's it's just like I hate it so much because it's just such a stupid argument to make and people will argue it to the ends of the earth. And it just like it has no value in terms of actually like communicating with the world. It's the same people that say like math is just the definition of the universe. It's like, no, it's not. That's your approximation of the universe.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
It is such an egotistical way to think that the universe is simply math. That is such an egotistical viewpoint to attribute our flawed system of mathematics to the universe itself and say, like, we're so good and accurate at this that this is just what it actually is. And it's like, it's not.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Exactly. But if they used a smaller unit of measurement, they'd be closer to getting the real size.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Right, right, right. You'll see that this cosine is infinite. Anyway, that's correct, Mark. Yeah, and I hate it. Some of it feels like it feels borderline philosophical. It feels like something like your philosophical uncle would do to you on April Fool's Day.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
what's that did you just dog as a joke or did you just think of it okay i'll give you some dong points is it the scott manly thing where if one goes flying through space all fast and whatnot they'll the other one will get all old and wrinkly by the time that they get back i'll i'll accept that i'll accept that
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
For the first time in my life, I have nothing going on, nothing new, nothing exciting, nothing at all. Just have a bunch of lame shit going on. Yeah, just nothing. I have no new gizmos. I have no new toys. I have no new.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Are they still people? Given that they share a soul, clearly not. How did I forget that? We just talked about that and you told us we just talked about it.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
the ship of theseus is correct have you heard of the ship of theseus well that's not even asking what it is he doesn't know what it is though ding uh if you have a ship and you slowly replace it piece by piece and eventually replace the last piece of the original ship is it still the original ship this dumbass is right You might know rulers and coastlines, but I know boats. So what's the answer?
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
If you know boats, what's the answer? Uh, the answer is it lies in the eyes of the beholder. If I gave you the ship of Theseus and you replaced it piece by piece for you, it's the same ship. If you tried to give it back and there were no original pieces of it, what the fuck is this? This isn't the same boat.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I thought you were trying to make like a guy holding a bee joke because you emphasize beholder. Eyes of the bee holder.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
That explains why you're such a dumbass. But it carries a big stick. The eyes of the bee holder.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
The birthday paradox is that the birthday song was like trademarked or registered or copyrighted for so long. And so all these restaurants had to come up with their own version of it. And now it's gone into public domain and the restaurants still sing their own stupid version of the happy birthday. Happy, happy birthday. It's your birthday today. That's the birthday paradox.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
technology nonsense i don't have any updates on the random experiments that i was doing i have nothing i documented your points for small talk mark give them to wade i'm using a blanket authorization to give any points that you earn to wade minus one i have to have one maybe not an earned one yet uh mark just got a caveat point for giving me a caveat mark's really tearing it up here wade's taking a commanding lead though
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Come on, dong man. If you were born on a specific day of a specific month of a specific year, and then you move to a place where your birthday was on a different day on that place, and you celebrate your birthday, but you celebrated on the day you were born here, but not where you were actually born, is it still really your birthday? That is an interesting guess.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
not what the birthday paradox is but that's like the other birthday paradox damn it the birth don't paradox don't what are you is this like a homer simpson thing or yeah it was kind of my instead of a birthday it was a bird don't not right that's not it all right go on no keep trying you got this money don't don't No, come on, you got it. You gotta really try. You gotta mean it. D'oh!
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I honestly almost did, but then I was afraid he would say two. That would be the move. I should have thought about it a little deeper because I was following that strategy with the major points. But if you realize what I'm actually doing is the mark point paradox where I'm intentionally giving Wade points because it all falls into my strategy of being the lowest.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
So by doing the lowest, not lowest strategy, I would be against what I'm trying to do. That's a point for mark paradox. But are points worth more that you win and give me or that I win and give me? I gave them all to him, except for the one.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Buridin's or Buridin's? Buridin's ass. My first this time? yes Buridan's ass Buridan's ass is not actually his butt it's his donkey or mule or whatever the fucking ass is he actually had two donkeys that looked alike but he couldn't tell them apart so he named them the same name by which making them the same donkey even though in actuality they were two separate donkeys
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Yes, because when he would take the donkey into town, people would only ever see that donkey. So in actuality, he had two, but people only saw one. But to them, Buridan's ass was one donkey. Mark, what is the paradox of Buridan's ass?
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Buridan, the lesser known brother of Schrodinger, always jealous of Schrodinger's success, decided that he was going to take it upon himself to make a claim for his own fame. So he shoved his donkey, like what Wade was saying, into the hay baler and said, we don't know if it's alive or dead as blood was spraying up the back of the hay baler. Dear penthouse, we have no idea. It's a superposition.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I don't know, man. Do I even need to participate today? I feel like, okay, look, my life might not be the most exciting life in the world, but it's mine and I enjoy it. And you know what I've been enjoying lately. And by the time this episode airs, I may or may not be enjoying something else. But has it been a wild ride, sports people out there, to be a Bengals fan?
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I can still hear it. It might be alive. Coincidentally, it's both about the donkey and him being a jackass for trying such a stupid thing. Is this pile of blood and viscera still an ass? I don't know.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I'm looking for anything that's unexpectedly hanging above my head. Nothing now that you have your blower. You're expecting it, so it can't be. You're right. Um, the unexpected hanging is... God, I don't fucking know. I can't even think of anything funny that would be related to this. Make it about a well-hung dick. Hung dick? Yeah, it's funny. I answer hung dick.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
sorry what is hung dick thank you thank you for phrasing your answer in the form of a question i appreciate that that's a terrible answer mark i wagered all of my points all of them even the one except for one all right wait do you make the same wager i will also wager all of mark's points except for one yeah you know what okay i actually think i know this one before i say anything i think i know this one or at least i know what generally it's about well so you are you wagered all of mark's points
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I'll wager all of them. I think it has something to do with like a king ruling over a village or something. And if everyone thinks that they could be unexpectedly hung at any given time, they're more likely to like behave in the kingdom they're in or something stupid like that.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
It has something to do with them literally having the threat of being hung hanging over their heads, affecting their behavior, I think, if this is what I'm thinking of. I'm sorry, that is incorrect.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
as of the recording of this episode it's come down to the final weekend and uh we have like a 20 chance of making it but all we need is to win and have two teams lose it was we had to win out we had to win three games and have like four teams lose now we're down to just one and two we need to win two to lose just so we can either make it and lose right away or not but i don't know man it's been and
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Because he logics it couldn't possibly. I see. I see. That's really dumb. Who did I give all my points to?
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Damn, it was too surprising. I never thought you'd cheat off my test. Which earns Mark 14 points. Wait, he's giving me all of his points and I'm giving him all of my points. His points are turned into my points. Therefore, he's stuck with my points because they aren't his points. But can he give them away because they're now his points? Are we in a paradox of points? It's the point paradox.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
What if I give 13 and a half points to you, Bob? What does that do? It takes me down to half a point, Mark to one point, and you to 13 and a half points.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
But what was the number of points you needed to reach? Apparently over one. Oh, fuck. Wait, what was the number? One and a half greater than one. Apparently Bob's 13 and a half don't count as a win for him.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I was trying to get down to half a point, Mark, so that way I could beat you at your own game, but I had math poorly.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I love that we had a points paradox in an episode about paradoxes. That's about right.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I wanted to end this episode with one point. That was my goal. So I don't think that I can challenge because I did end with one point. I don't know where those 13 and a half points went. I have them. Oh, you have them. Right. Okay. Yes, that's right. But Bob can't win.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
What was the number? What was the number that we needed to get close to but over? You said you had a number at the beginning of this episode. And that was the basis of my whole one point strategy was because I knew you had a number.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
We don't know if the Dolphins are playing their starting quarterback. I figured who they're playing, though. Jets. I don't know that the Jets can win.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I just happened to play the strategy in this episode of all episodes that I'm gonna give him all my points. The one that Bob actually plays that's unfair. Mark and I both decide to tank. Because listen, as soon as Mark said he wanted to end with one point, I was like, I will give Bob all of my points, but half of one to undercut Mark at half a point.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I feel like we invented several paradoxes while doing this. Pinocchio sucking up the universe. Hung dick.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
The Jets have to beat the Dolphins and the Chiefs have to beat the Broncos and we have to beat the Steelers. So listen, the odds are slim, but if it happens as of the airing of this episode, I'll be very happy unless we've already lost.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Can I get a Texas roadhouse? Yeehaw. Yeah. Is that what they do? They do that on the birthday. If you go to a Texas Roadhouse and someone's birthday, they yeehaw, then they go stand around your table like six waiters and you're like, I just want a refill. They're all there looking at this person on their birthday. Yeehaw!
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
And I don't know what they say or do after that because I die of dehydration, but they do it.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I don't know what they say after the guy get the Texas Roadhouse yeehaw that everyone yeehaws and then they all turn to skeletons and wither away like Indiana Jones with the wrong chalice. We chose Paulie. Well, Mark, would you like to give a loser speech? I am fulfilling my year goal of never winning an episode. That way I don't have to come up with an idea to host ever again.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
you know i saw mark trying to throw and i wondered if maybe bob i wasn't trying to throw if maybe bob would be like you know what i am gonna make it the low score and i developed a strategy early on that i thought was foolproof but it all came down to bad human mathematics and how the universe is all math is stupid human mathematics so was mine so i'm just the epitome of humanity is what i learned today really thought i was going down to that half a point to steal the win
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Turned out I fucked it up and somehow stole the win. Hey, we invented some paradoxes today. We had a good time. I just want to say I wasn't trying to throw the win. I thought I was scoping out the true strategy by Bob saying that there was a number and I was trying to get under it.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
There was a period of time. There was a period of time where the tensions were a little bit higher with us. I just feel confused about what happened.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
He is clinched. He is in there. But I hope he does well in the playoffs. I have a proposal to fix the football situation in Cincinnati once and for all. Get a defense? Better play calling? Yes. All of this. I'm going to make all of your dreams come true. Because Cleveland has a football team, right? They do indeed.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
They yeah, so all we need to do is we need to dig a tunnel from Cincinnati all the way to Cleveland Skip around Columbus and start kidnapping their players in the middle of the night They've got like two we could use take the two get more just in case as a backup I thought you're gonna say get a tunnel build it from Cincinnati to Cleveland get Cleveland's team in the tunnel and collapse the tunnel
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Mark, let me tell you this. I think Cleveland has only won one playoff game since they came back as a team. And the following year, what they decided at the end of the year was cut the quarterback who won that playoff game to get a more expensive quarterback who's a lot worse. and has some really big red flags. I mean, like, the sky is crimson around this man, and they were like, that's our guy.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Not the guy who brought us to the promised land, but this guy. Okay, tunnel. Revisit the tunnel idea. In the middle of the night, dress up the bangles' worst players, just paint them brown, shove them through the tunnel... And then have them pop up in the middle of whatever Cleveland's field is. And then boom. Defense, you've been doing a lot better as late. Put this on. Come with me.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Their helmets are already orange as it is, right? Both helmets are orange.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
we're gonna have mice and mend them can i be a starter george yes you can lenny yes you can the tunnel actually is just a long uh rail gun it just accelerates them all the way to cleveland it'd be very fun for like the you know the majority of that journey how long would it take to get rail gun from uh how long would it take to get rail from Cincinnati all the way to cleveland
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I know that there's a subway system in Cincinnati, but for some reason, isn't it the most logical place to have high speed rail other than Ohio? Because Cincinnati to Columbus to Cleveland is like one straight line. So you just have a rail that goes zoom and then you have... They abandoned the subway, the subway here, I believe.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I think that there's like part of it that's converted into a nightclub. There's a dance club called like Ghost Baby that's in where the subway should be. It just, it doesn't make sense. A lot of clubs, there's actually many stations throughout Cincinnati that are just completely unused. The tunnels are there. They're just not full of train and they could be.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
i think there was a horrible miscommunication years ago where people were raving about the subway and like the mayor of cincinnati or the council must have been like wait they want to rave in the subway all right we're canceling it put a rave in there we'll just put a train on the street call it the streetcar everybody likes streetcar it goes three blocks streetcar makes me nervous are you allowed to drive in streetcar lane when streetcar is coming will it stop or will streetcar be like you're on the streetcar part
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Guy with crazy mouth apparatus trying to do like a weird bane. Exactly. All in one car. It's the entire Mad Max movie in one street car.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
But imagine. It did in many ways. But if you've ever been to Chicago, I prefer Cincinnati. Yeah. It's weird because Cincinnati is a nice city. It really is. It's not a huge city population wise, but it's got a lot. It's got a lot going for it.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
And it makes total sense that it would be a major hub on the way from east to west because it's got river access that has access to the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico. Technically, it's a major rail hub, or at least it was. And it's like used to be. It's basically like the nexus point. And then people are like, yeah, Move that a little over west more. Up right by a lake where it's windy.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
So anyway, doesn't matter to me. I don't live there. My like one trip to Chicago, the scene that sticks out in my mind is sitting in standstill traffic where everyone's laying on their horns and one guy just decides he's tired of waiting and drives on the sidewalk while blaring his horn, beeping at pedestrians on the sidewalk that he's driving down.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
That to me will always be how I see and feel about Chicago. Because I've had to drive through it many times because driving to Minnesota, like where Molly's family is, one of the two ways to go is through Chicago, which we've done a couple of times for whatever reason. And I've just never had a good time driving through or near Chicago.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
fantastic because then you get out and you're in the middle of the city at the train station you don't have to drive or nothing man imagine if we had trains places would be nice this is weird side tangent did you guys see it's really horrible did you see the train that got derailed because the truck got like magnetized or whatever to the rail
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
well no unfortunately a couple of people did die uh but like a tractor trailer was going across the train track i'm not sure why it stopped but apparently something happens with like a magnetism thing and like part of the truck got magnetized down to the train they like had to take the semi part of it off and just left this thing and the train hit it and plowed right through it that's not enough explanation about the magnetization of the truck to the train tracks
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I don't know. I'm trying to find the right thing. Where did this take place? I believe in Texas. Okay, a lot of weird magnets going on in Texas. We all know this, yes. I thought it was magnets. Maybe it's not magnets. Where would you have come up with magnets? I don't remember, man. I saw this like late at night and maybe I'm misremembering it. There's not the word magnet in any of these articles.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Hey, there was no magnets. It's a good thing I'm getting all of Mark's points today. Yeah, it's really saving you. I'm really playing a risky strategy today of all days to do this, but I think it's going to pay out. It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for him.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Pretty accurate. Is he like getting old enough now where he's branching out of a lot of like the baby-esque shows like the Blueys and stuff or...
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
I mean, I guess it's better than taking like Barbie dolls or like army dudes and being like, oh no. At least they're animals. They don't have souls. Listen, that's called being a passive god. And you just let what happens happen. You know, you can't interfere. It's just going to get worse if you do that.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
Is it like Price is Right where we got to get close enough without going over? I'll allow that. Does that require me to pick a number first? Probably. Well, I can pick. I think it just means I'm going to sabotage Wade by giving him all the points. This is quite a strategy. I'm going to try to stay at one the entire time. I like this. I like this. Okay. I accept.
Distractible
The Distractible Paradox
So weird. I was just telling Mark when you were gone that I was looking at paradoxes.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
there's an app that also does that kind of thing i forget what it's called but whenever you click on any other app like that you define it'll instead of that it'll open a screen or or maybe that's how it works it opens a full paid screen that's like are you sure you want to do this and there's a five second timer before you can do it uh i didn't try it but i hear that's also effective
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I'm shocked. I find that I've got six tabs of ESPN and like four of Twitter sometimes open on my computer.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
sometimes you're just like browsing and like i don't know i'll mindlessly be like reading the spn article then i'll hit the little plus and be like oh what am i what am i doing let me social media like it's like you're saying it's like i'll be thinking about something it's like i'll be thinking about the espn article i just read or i'll be thinking about like oh the bangles draft is this week which it is why am i on twitter again no open tab and then i was like i've got 10 tabs open and they're all espn or twitter
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I'm feeling a little... Oh, Bob, I'm glad that you have a way to not go on TikTok. Wade, you fucking idiot! Why are you on Twitter, you piece of shit? I'm not competing against Bob. I'm trying to get him on my side. I'm competing against you.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I'm like two or three chapters in. It does not read as fast as the Animorph books. Turns out a book not made for someone who's 13 reads a little bit slower, but I'm enjoying it. Good small talk, boys. Well done, guys. All right, let's pack it in.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you just when you need it most? That's what Uber is all about.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Whatever it is, big or small, Uber is on the way. So you can be on yours. Uber, on our way to your house, Wade.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I can accept that. I can accept that. I'll accept it. No, we just need rules. We need more rules.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
That was so funny because everyone on the subreddit was just like, oh, Mark's so embarrassed. Oh, he messed up. Oh, he did it finally. And I'm like, I didn't even notice. I wasn't paying attention. I go to the subreddit like, oh, he changed it at 2 a.m. He's like...
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I could see that. Okay, I could see how people might think that that was similar.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It's like how we're no longer young is different than we're getting older. I'm not as young as I was just now. Oh, when we were younger than here in the present.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Not that I recall. It doesn't seem familiar, but also I didn't catch exactly what we're supposed to do, so... For some reason, I was thinking about the Bear and Stain Bears when you said this, and I don't know why, but I was like, I don't know Bear or Stain.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
oh we all know we don't need a summary i mean it would be embarrassing if you needed that well hold on let me are we starting with the original cast like the you know phase one avengers are we talking like the current because i don't know who even is a part of it right now you know what it can be anyone i don't want to clamp this down too hard if you have people you like
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Then we'll slightly misremember the rules after a few months. And then everyone that remembers them properly is like, they're not even doing the rules right. And then we have no idea. We don't remember what happened three months ago.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I get from you, not current Mark Ruffalo Hulk, but Edward Norton Hulk. The Superior Hulk. The Superior Hulk, indeed, yes. I love that for me. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, ever. Can Mark get some Doctor Strange vibes? Oh, I thought it was just about Bob here.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Wait, which one? Which Avenger's bald? Oh, Nick Fury. Oh, okay. See, that was between me. My first two thoughts were Thor, because I'm like the pretty one. Uh-huh. The long, long, long hair. Yeah. Or I was kind of like Hulk, but I was like, you know, I think maybe the Hulk fits Bob a bit more. Like the quiet one, who like, whenever he does finally rage and break is the scariest of us.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It's been a while since I watched any of those. I mean, you can do it. Mark's got to have... I get Doctor Strange or Tony Stark vibes. Well, this says one of the founding members of The Avengers was Wasp. Like Ant-Man Wasp?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
She joined in the... relatively early i wouldn't say original og in the movies then also one of the founding members is ant-man slash giant man slash yellow jacket slash goliath slash wasp what the fuck does that mean oh are those all the same people in some version of this i'll be talking in terms of movies because we don't know comics
Distractible
Who Is Us?
there's swordsman wade you're swordsman all right there's just some hero named swordsman i just i have a sword to fight with it is that like hawkeye but with the sword he's like he's like hodor that's all he says people look at like wait what does that guy do and he's like swordsman swordsman swordsman swordsman are any of us black widow I wish. I wish.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It does exist, and it lives in our minds. In game or game? In podcast? In game. Never mind. You go on.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
There's Black Knight, there's Mantis, which is the one from Guardians. Two-gun kid! Who wants to be the two-gun kid? I'm already swordsman. I can't use guns.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Oh, man. Let me find out. Toes. It's not on the Wikipedia. I'm sorry. Gotta go to the WikiFoot. Foot? Fwiki? WikiFeet.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Can I pull off a Captain America, just the version of him that does the terrible commercials where he sits on the chair?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Oh, like old cap? No, no, where he like sits on the chair like- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you thought going to war was a good idea? So, you think dropping atomic bombs on Japan was a mistake, huh? Well, let me tell you. So you think not using a turn signal makes you look cool? Wiping? That's for communists. I remember when he said that.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
He's one of the earlier members. 1970s. Oh, he's a recruit, not a founding member. But he was recruited along with Black Widow, Mantis, it's the two-gun kid, Beast, Moon Dragon. I missed Moon. Moon Hellcat.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I did not expect to see Quicksilver or Hercules here. Dude, Hercules? Does he sing? Based on his biceps, it looks like he went the distance.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
He's got two .22 pistols that are guaranteed to have bullets that stick to the barrel. Oh, yeah.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
If it's funny, then yes, that's what I was trying to say. E Pluribus Podcast. Distractible Unum.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It looks like I do because the rest of my beard is disappearing before your eyes.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, I'm just saying it's pronounced because it's still dark. Sometimes I look at my own face and I've, you know, I've had stubble for so long, but occasionally I'll notice just how defined my mustache is and how downturned like handlebar style it is. And so occasionally I'm just like, wow, I actually do just straight up have a mustache.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I have with like shorter stubble mustache. I should just grow all of it out and then get big bushy mustache. Because the rest of it's pretty patchy, but this has always been solid up here. I want to perfectly shave all of the gray beard out and just see the weird pattern of, like, dark that's left. You get some gray dissolving fluid and it only leaves the dark hair. I like it.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Flashes of hair here and there. It's like, oh, there's a dark one. That's a keeper. It's like gold member. That's a keeper.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Weren't they going to make another one of those? I don't know. I've had a weird... YouTube's algorithm has decided that Austin Powers is what I want in my life right now. I've had a weird amount of Austin Powers recommendations in the last two or three weeks. Yeah, those recommendations are sticky as hell. It just really latches on.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I don't know why, but Austin Powers has been all over my timeline lately. Maybe it's because Mike Myers is kind of like back a bit because he's been doing some SNL stuff. I don't know, but like... I just feel like those movies are kind of out of their era.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Wait, that means I could also be Mr. Beaglesworth, whatever the fuck his name was, the little cat, because he also loses his hair. Yeah, any bald character you have claim over.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
And I got to look up a list of all Austin Powers characters. Mark, you could be the fembots. I don't think. Your sticky 22 nipples. I forgot about Fook me. Fook me and Fook you? Yeah, exactly. Oh, it was different times back then. I kind of want to be Basil. I'm just like there and try to be helpful, but really all I do is give you shitty coffee.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I don't think that ever clicked in my head. A lot of vagina. I forgot about a lot of vagina.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I liked the Goldmember universe where it was like Tom Cruise and John Travolta and stuff playing the characters. I'm from Holland. Isn't that weird? Ah, different times, different times. Wait, so who are we? Are we committing to this? I don't know. I'll be a lot of vagina.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I think I'm less Dr. Evil and I'm more like his son Scotty, but it's like Seth Green's character, but only at the very end where he goes crazy and loses his hair. I think I'm him whenever he finally loses his hair.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
There's an Altoid box with some skin flakes in it. Yeah, is that scabs or is that skin flakes? What's the deal with that exactly? Some things I don't like to think too deeply about, and this is one of them. He ate them like potato chips.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yes, I'm fine. You know, when you just remember something from your past and you just cringe inwardly. Yeah, I just had one of those. Oh, how embarrassing. High school. What a time.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, yeah. That or the T-Rex. It could be Ham. Which one's Ham? Is Ham the wiener dog? The piggy bank. Ham. I want to be the wiener dog or the T-Rex, but I might be more Ham.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Not that guy. Bob, you're Andy. Wade, you're Andy's mom. Why is Wade my mom? Yeah. He's older. By like six months.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Wait a minute. If there's one thing we know, it's that Mark's small talks last about three months each before we move on to the next one. This one's taking a strange turn, you know, because Apple made me that store, right? And that was weird. Really nice of them.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
he's older i like that i like that it's good simple straight to the point wait does that make mark the uh what's the kid that like tortures the toys sid sid sid yeah that'll be sid i'd be sid i was gonna say you were buzz yeah i forget that slinky dog was played by jim varney you remember jim varney oh yeah
Distractible
Who Is Us?
not by name malc you would earnest seems a hundred percent like a thing you would love and remember so fondly oh is that who that is jim varney is earnest yeah okay i know the movie's earnest like earnest goes to camp and earnest changes the trash or whatever but i'm not earnest gets a haircut yeah all that stuff i might slinky i'll be the wiener dog that honestly fits pretty good It does.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
If you want to know all the Ernest movies, it's Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Saves Christmas, Ernest Goes to Jail, Ernest Scared Stupid, Ernest Greatest Hits, Ernest Rides Again, Ernest Goes to School, Ernest Goes to Africa. Didn't know about that one. And then, unfortunately, he passed away.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I have no idea. It's also like in the same era when they made Jungle to Jungle or like Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. There was this era of movies in the 90s where they were in... Were Africa funny?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Mark is Stinky Pete. I'm changing my vote. Stinky Feet? Stinky Pete. It's like the prospector guy from like Toy Story 2.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
That's the guy. Oh. Here's some Ernest history for anyone that cares. Ernest was in ten movies, nine of which were Ernest movies. And the full list that I didn't list was In Order, Goes to Camp, Save Christmas, Goes to Jail, Scared Stupid, Rides Again, Goes to School, Drunk, no, Slam Dunk Ernest, Drunk Ernest goes to school. I remember that one. Goes to Africa.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Ernest in the Army was the last one before he passed away. But he started off in an unnamed cameo in the movie Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam. Oh. Gloombeam Riddle. I remember that. It's a classic riddle. I love that movie. Apparently it's one of his disguises or something like that. I have no idea.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Still doesn't work their regular business store, which is weird I tried signing up for a like business account and then they said in the email Hey, you should try out our small business store It sounds like this is more for you and I'm like I tried that you made me you gave me this enterprise store I didn't want it. So I signed up for Apple business manager and
Distractible
Who Is Us?
the image if you look up the movie dr auto and the riddle of the gloom beam like the cover art looks like a jim carrey face oh that is a jim carrey face wait a minute now like i feel like without makeup jim carrey could make that face oh i was looking at a completely different thing oh were you the one where he's just sort of smiling real big no yeah i was looking at the film reel no that's that's just a jim carrey face did jim carrey rip that off from him or vice versa i don't know
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Scott Sterling. I'm sorry. Lance Sterling attempts to capture the mad scientist who continuously evades capture with his appearance-altering device.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
We would naturally be the first target. Why does he have a hand on top of his head? That's just what happens sometimes.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
That is ridiculous. Tennessee has about the same amount of letters as Cincinnati, probably. Can I be laughing Jack O'Cockney, the pirate captain?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
That's the thing in the movie, yeah. Yeah, during his adventure, he goes to multiple different locations. He goes on like this horror expedition and this big fantasy expedition. And then finally, he goes on an adventure before he realizes that he wants all three things. He has to return the books to the library before he goes back to his treehouse.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC. Pre-order now. Printed M for Mature.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Back to small talk moments that just came to mind. Did you guys see Paul Rudd reprising the role of Paul Rudd for Super Nintendo Switch 2 or whatever the hell it's called? Back when Super Nintendo came out, Paul Rudd, the actor, did the commercial and he's like playing the Super Nintendo. He's got like long, dark hair.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
So the Switch 2 got announced and Paul Rudd's reprising his role in the commercial, but like 30 years later or whatever. It's an interesting look for him. One of those 90s looks that make us go, were the 90s good? The 90s are an enigma, just a complete mystery. I feel like in the 2000s, we referenced the 90s.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
But like nowadays, the 2000s, 2010s, I don't feel like they get referenced as much as the 90s. Maybe it's just our generation or something. But like the 90s feels like a period of time that people talk about. And then everything after is kind of like, eh, it's just... I think even we've discussed why the 90s were just such a transformative time. Not in like the greatest way ever.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Like it was the best era. It's just like so many things were happening all at once. You know, internet was rising in popularity, you know. TVs and video game consoles were all switching technology was like shift not just like evolving It was changing type every few years and then early 2000 when it started to like solidify in those commercials I'm Paul Rudd's necklace.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
And to do that, you have to verify your business, right? You have to verify your real business. You need the DUNS number. Yada yada, right? I did that. I talked about that. Well, I didn't get approved. And then they deleted my account.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
yeah from whatever he's on i could tell you what he's on more scooby snacks man shaggy but he's not cool anymore what are we i mean you have to be fred right mark i mean why do i have to be fred you're fred you're you're the leader and you're the only one of us who could wear an ascot you're i want to be velma well you got velma because you got the glasses and you're wearing orange so yeah you're big i mean yeah i'm velma colored basically can we be a scooby-doo villain can i be minor 49er
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I just really like the image that came up for minor 49ers. Yeah, list of all monsters and villains in Scooby-Doo. From the Scooby-Doo wiki.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Bob, I think you're Scooby. I think you are Scooby-Doo, Bob. Mummy of Anka. Redbeard's ghost. Snow ghost. Headless specter. Witch doctor. Werewolf. Wax phantom. Sharkman? Sharkman. Sharkman.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I want to be all of the Hex Girls. What is that? From the movie Scooby-Doo and the something island. There's like a band of witches called the Hex Girls. And their song is like, we're the Hex Girls.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Are you not small enough? Not business enough? Or which? I don't know. Which criteria did you fail? So they didn't tell me. That's the thing. It was like back in the early days of YouTube when my channel got deleted and they didn't say why or my demonetized. And it was just like straight up. The email went like, we couldn't verify your account. Next email.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
The Thousand Volt Ghost. Spooky. It's weird because I see some of these pictures of these monsters and I'm like, oh, weird. I remember exactly that episode. That's crazy. The Beast of Bottomless Lake. Oh, Scooby Doo was some awesome shit to grow up with. And the episodes were so short that they just wham, wham.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
How many episodes had the bit where they were running through hallways and like opening doors and coming out in places that didn't make sense?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
And they're chasing the monster, the monster's chasing them, they're chasing each other, and the monster's watching, and yeah.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
There's tons of comics about it, I didn't even know that. I say Bob is Scooby, Mark is Fred or Daphne, and I guess I'll be... No, he's Velma. Why, because glasses? And orange. And huge tits.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
The thing I think of when I think of Velma is there's a 3D printing company. I forget who it is, but they do promotions that are just them printing out the most hyper-sexualized figures possible. And the one that stands out to me in my mind is their version of Velma. I don't even know if they made it, but they printed it. I guess it's better than Busty Scooby or something, but... Busty Scooby?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
You're right. You can't. You don't have to go to images. It's just the main tab.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Let's go back to doing it to Velma. Did we solve the mystery? Yeah, we solved it. We're agreeing pretty readily on these. I'm surprised. I thought there'd be more debate.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
A minute later, we've deleted your account. Why? Why did you delete my account? So I sign up again and I try to verify and I have a Dunn's number. I put in all the information I put in. They need a second person to verify it. So like, oh, I'll put Mary who does like the accounting and she'll be able to answer all their questions to verify it's a business. Nope. Deleted again.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I don't know any of the newer characters. Mark's got to be Torbjorn. Thank you. Because short? No, the beard. Oh, I forgot he was also really short. That's just a coincidence.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Ah. Yeah. Okay. So we got Anna, Ash, Baptiste, Bastion. There's so many more than I remember there being.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It's like almost double from the original, original group. The new ones that I don't recognize are Sigma. Sigma's the guy I was talking about. Gravity douchebag. Orisa. Moira, I've seen. Echo, I don't know. Ashe, I think I've seen. Brigitte, I don't know. Baptiste, I don't know.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, she's listed as a healer, but that's interesting. Bob, are you junk ratty because you like to build things? Like you'd build your own stuff? I build my own stuff? Yeah, you're into like the woodworking and printing and all that stuff now. I feel like Junkrat's the kind of guy who makes his own things whereas everyone else kind of like probably gets them on Hero Bay or something.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It's not like the Junkrat character fits you, but it's more so just the vibe of like, I make my own shit.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Mauga? Wrecking Ball? I've seen the hamster. What the hell? Sojourn? Who are you people? Venture? Who are you people?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I could also be Soldier 76 because old. Yeah, because he's the old guy. That's generally... I'm not your father. I remember that was one of his lines. I think people were making fun of the whole, like, he's daddy. Because he's daddy.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
There was a whole thing between him and Reaper. Was Reaper the one? Because Reaper was the hot young guy and Soldier 76 was the mature daddy guy.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
They changed McCree's name. I don't remember who he is now. Cassidy, apparently. That's strange. Why has he changed?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I want to be a widow maker. I remember she had very pronounced ass cheeks for whatever reason. Yeah. Yeah. You got that. Well, it was more her stance. She had like severe... It's not spina bifida. I say that way too much, but it's severe... What is it called when your hips are rotating? Anterior tilt? Anterior... That sounds like a thing. I think it's called sexualized gay mass.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I got deleted two more times and it's waiting like two days in between each of these. So by the final one, I call them up again. Calling has been a nightmare. Apple, I don't know. You just press star and you go straight to the CEO, I think. Oh, man, they were about to pass me up there for a totally unrelated reason.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Anterior pelvic tilt, also known as over-sexualized game ass. Anterior pelvic tilt. She has severe anterior pelvic tilt. Zenyatta just chilled out and juggled balls. Zenyatta's cool.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
But I will close this tab and never reopen it. Goodbye, Overwatch characters.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Uh, you just cut them. You don't really need your legs to play, so you just cut them at the belly button. You keep the top half. What if you cut down the middle?
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, I guess so. It's called the bicameral mind. Or what if you keep the middle intact, but then you like cut shoulder and then certain amount of leg.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Cut to keep all the useful parts on one side and the less useful parts on the other.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I don't think the names are going to help you because I just did that and I'm looking at the names. I'm like, I don't know any of these guys.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
We could. It's fine. No, no, no. This is going to be good. People are going to love it. Mark, you could be Viserys Targaryen. oh my god my serious targaryen god the service sarah's targaryen geez it's like the main family in the show you can't pronounce it they say it all the time what is it targaryen targaryen the targaryens were it's a pretty important name of anyone in the show
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I was trying just to get them to push an order through again because I made an order. It went over the credit limit and I was like, oh, I got to pay off that card. And I called them to get back there. Totally separate issues. I got passed to six different people.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Wade, you're Grand Maester Pycelle, and he's old, but it's not an insult because he's just faking being old. That's really good. He pretends to be dumb, but everyone knows he's actually competent and smart. He uses it as a smokescreen. That's you, 100%.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It's a really good scene. I see why they deleted it. It was interesting and developed the characters. We can't have that. Bob, you are the hound.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Or your, what was his name? It was the free folk guy with the big beard, really liked the tall one.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
You don't know women, Jon Snow. Remember that classic line? I know Game of Thrones stuff. Yeah, everybody knows Game of Thrones, clearly. Ignore season eight, Jon Snow. Right? That's what the cool people are saying. What if everyone was a dub of the show where instead of winter's coming, they just say season eight's coming.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
before circling all the way back from apple tie up the chain to the bank they send me to the bank the bank's like why are you here send me back to apple one more pass and then it's like i got you someone actually solved the problem which was just let me click this button blink order 30 minutes anyway i call them about the business manager thing about like why they're deleting it and he goes like oh i don't know that's a mystery department
Distractible
Who Is Us?
That's not on my list, I don't think. I see Euron Greyjoy and Theon Greyjoy.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I mean, I believe you. Just the list of... The cast I have is like a lot of the characters, but I don't see that. All right, whatever. All right, Wade is Pycelle. I am the Hound. Who's Mark? I kind of want to make him Jon Arryn because he's upside down, but no, I said Viserys Targaryen.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
You know, why not? Why not? It's one of those castings where it's like, they're like, Mark Fischbach is in this production, but it's like just to kill him right away to pay him like $15 to show up.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Okay, wait, I know who you are. Okay. Follow me on this one. You are one wag, one Darwin.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
huh you all right wound wag wound our wound it's the giant the giant that was with them the bald giant you remember you couldn't see his baldness because you were looking up at him you know i've typed game of thrones but i did got giants and it's just like got giants and i was like why am i not finding what i'm looking for
Distractible
Who Is Us?
like Pycelle like everyone thinks they're really simple and stupid and they're just like big dumb giant but they're actually more interesting and nuanced than that Maester Luwin and Lord Varys are bald did you look up list of bald Game of Thrones no I just saw one of them Tywin Lannister looks old yeah he's pretty old he has a gray beard what about Robb Stark he looks heroic can I be him
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, sure, why not? He's probably bald after he gets his head cut off. Doesn't everyone die in this show? Isn't that the whole gimmick of this show is everyone has sex and dies? A lot of them die, yes.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
the mystery department i was like who verifies this i was like oh that's that's another department i don't have any control that i'm like you're the apple business manager sport right oh yeah oh yeah but hello jerry i mysteries how can i help you so what he told me was like yeah sometimes you gotta like work the information to get it to go through you can't get what
Distractible
Who Is Us?
It's interesting because this is the one where we weren't trying to fight for ourselves. We were fighting for each other's ideas or to label each other.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Most callbacks. We've talked about Busty Scoob a lot. I don't think I called him back. You guys called him back more than I did.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Who called back Busty Scoop the most? I feel like Wade gets credit for that.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
What if we use it right now to stop Bob from turning it on us? I'm not gonna, he's not gonna turn it on us.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
The wheel has spoken. It didn't even slow down. It was just like, nope. Yeah, this isn't as dramatic a wheel. But I won. Yeah, you won. With nine points. That seems like a lot of weight. Wait, look how many weighed. What is that about? This wheel is incredibly fair. There are no bombs, so... That's true.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
sometimes you gotta unplug it and plug it back in and see if you're a business what exactly so he told me like oh yeah no you need a url a website and then you need emails from that website and all of your employees need to have emails from that website so you have the same email so they can verify it's all from the same yada yada I don't have a website. I don't have an email like that.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Oh, for no reason whatsoever, one of you is starting with a 10-point lead next time, my host. FYI, I have to go to a meeting in two minutes. Yeah, Mark, quick loser speech. Uh, so I, you know, it's all fair. Uh, I don't know who I am. All I know is that I'm leaving this episode knowing, with horror, that someone's going to make Busty Scoop. And that is a tragedy that all of us will have to bear.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Wade, winner speech? You win nothing, Jon Snow. I love this wheel. Great episode. Can't wait for the next one. But I'll have to cope with the topic for it.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
He said, oh, but according to your DUNS number, you're like the sole proprietor of your business, right? Okay, so all you need to do is put your name as a secondary contact, but just change the spelling of your name so you get around their auto system that says you can't put in your own name.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
and he said that's how it works if you're like this old proprietor of your own business is this markiplier yes i'm hello everybody i'm markiplier oh man so yeah it's um what the fuck that is all true i don't know what in the world that's about um But everything on the business side of Apple seems like the most convoluted thing possible. It's not easy. It's not simple.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Steve Jobs is spinning in his grave about it, I swear, because holy shit, I just want it to be able to automatically say, hey, this is a new computer. Set it up automatically as soon as I plug it into the internet, which is a cool feature, but I can't have it because I'm not a real business. That's fun. Yeah, very fun. Very fun.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
But I just got an email this morning that said they needed to call me. And I'm like, oh, boy.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I thought you were going for the Dunn's, but either one, yeah. Dunn's was the low-hanging fruit, to be fair.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Thankfully, it wasn't my normal account. It was an account that I made specifically for signing up for this.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
it's not essential right that's the thing it's just for convenience to save time but at this point like i wouldn't i'm losing so much more time trying to get this to work than if i would just to each individually take because these are to test out for my render farm right to see if i can save power um and i was like oh if i just plug them there's a way you can plug me in and it'll automatically set it up with all the programs it'll install everything that's perfect because if you
Distractible
Who Is Us?
that'd be so nice and i was like that saved time whereas it takes like 10-15 minutes to set up each one and i'm like over over a few it adds up and i'm like but now now i just like i'm not even gonna bother that's sad they'll be upset when they hear that i'm complaining on this podcast they'll come crawling back this isn't a real podcast they're not gonna care tim apple will be rolling over in his infrared exposure chamber
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Oh, the benefits. We should do an episode where all we try to do is set up an Apple store.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Finished it. Done. I started reading another book I've now forgotten the name of because I just started it and I'm not ready for two days. But Easter happened. My nephews came over and I played basketball for like two and a half hours. I got a little sunburned. You can't tell. I drowned myself in aloe cream or whatever. But I got a little sunburned playing basketball.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
boy oh boy feeling it today pain need to exercise more than just three times a year I'm learning four times a year minimum Yeah, I really go for the minimum. But this week, I guess, marks the 20th anniversary, I think, of Star Wars Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith, coming out. So it's going back into theaters, or at least some select theaters.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
So I'm going to go see that again with my nephews, which is a little strange to go see a movie that's 20 years old in theaters. But I'm kind of excited for it, for whatever reason. There's just something about the theatrical experience of, like, the Star Wars blaring intro that just, like, is super hype. I'm excited to do that.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
But I want to talk about... I don't want to go into major spoilers here, but The Last of Us Part II came out a while ago, right? And Last of Us Season 2 is coming out on HBO right now, or Max, or whatever. Boy, oh boy. Did they pick a doozy of an episode to release on Easter? I feel like the holiday, the vibe of Easter is usually relatively chill, at least in my family.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Yeah, it's like, go hunt eggs, have a basket of candy. And then I went to relax Sunday night, and I was like, oh, The Last of Us Episode 2 is out. I was annihilated at the end of Easter, and I was like, man, why did they pick today for this episode? So my gripe is not even with the content of the episode, because I kind of knew what was happening, but...
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Well, I played part two, and the only reason I'm watching it as it comes out is because, like, I'm not so worried about big spoilers as so much as, like, I don't want to be spoiled on things that they might have changed from the game to the show. Notoriously, if you go to, like... Because I tweet about the podcast, right? Like, I'll go on X or Twitter, tweet about the podcast or do whatever.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
Notoriously, whenever I go on there, the number one recommended thing is the most thing I don't want to see every time. So, like, if I go on there, I'm like, all right, don't want to read. And then the first line is like... Hey, did you hear The Last of Us? This happened? And it's like, why is this the one post that I see? Your recommended post.
Distractible
Who Is Us?
I'm just like, no, that's the opposite of what I want. Why is this what I get? Just don't even go. Don't even go.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh and then what happened which i could say there's no reason why i actually can't i'm just trying to be respectful people haven't seen it yet but hopefully if you watch this podcast you've already seen it yeah who hasn't seen it yet unless they're outside the u.s and then they're shit out of luck everyone who watches this podcast supports all three of us and all of our endeavors individually and together so i know they've all watched it already
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Paul, I want to go back to ask you a couple of questions because you seemed very... Because what I said was more interesting.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Well, you kind of, you turned on a bit because it seemed like at first you were going very deterministic as far as like that's the word you used and which is actually a moral theory, determinism. But you kind of like at the end, you're like, well, I don't want to let people off the hook for the decisions they make, the actions they do.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
So if they're going to be held accountability, there has to be some kind of free will, I think is where you ended. So are you team free will or are you team determinism or something else?
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
There is a lot of support for hard determinism, which is basically that there is no free will. And if you go that route, the conclusion is that if there is no free will, people can't be held accountable for their actions because they didn't choose them. They were destined to perform them or whatever have you. And then there's
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
like metaphysical libertarianism which has a few different aspects to it but that's basically team free will which is like hey people can and do veto actions that causation would say they wouldn't do therefore there's probably free will or there is free will causation doesn't make sense
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
However, I think what you're approaching is compatibilism, which is there is causation, there is determinism, but they aren't externally constrained. When they get to you, you internally get to control that aspect. So sure, it's determined, but you are the determining factor. That's what makes you you, which is still a form of free will.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
yes there is causation that comes into you you process it and spit out action and the things in your life that have shaped you and made you you depend determine what you're going to spit out so it is determined but the you that is you still determines it and therefore you are the agent responsible you are the free will and you are accountable for your actions uh it's probably both there's probably a moral theory like that right where it's like it's both compatibilism is that
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
it's it's uh again it comes down to just what you believe and even if that's not a choice then i believe it's a choice and therefore i think therefore i am i wonder okay i wonder if this will shape your guys thoughts at all the existence of god or just omniscience in general if you know the past present and future the fact that that already is determined in some way does that eliminate free will if someone can know the future
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Do you think it would mean that free will is impossible? Or do you think that we can still have free will and they just know what will come? But if they already know what will come, do we really get to choose it?
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Yeah, there's a lot of things to watch, and that one stayed pretty high for, probably still is up there, but yeah.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Do you think then that the mind and body are separate entities? Because a lot of the free will questions lead into what's called the mind-body problem. And if everything is physical, likely it can be determined by physical causes.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
But if the mind is separate and you have free will, unless you can find a way to rationalize having free will and it all being one thing, do you think the mind and body are truly separate things then? Or are they one entity? And for those of you out there that know this subject well, this is a very rough, again, approximation.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
So I apologize if I misconstrue something or don't get something exactly right or say the things you want me to say. But I'm trying to guide on a subject I'm not super familiar with.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
No, it's much more of a God conversation with omniscience than it is us.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
So if you're taking like, I'm just curious for Bob's point of view, if like, if you take a brain, put it in a jar, it's not fundamentally the same person. But if you remove an aspect of that person, that's crucial to their ability to interact with the world as they had before. Does that also change their person B now, not person A? Yeah, 100%.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Nobody has ever been against following us from one platform to the next.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Anything new? Anything exciting going on in your lives other than obviously Edge of Sleep being out? That's pretty big.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Is it also possible, I guess it's to both of you, when we take the wheel, it's just a more complex determinism. So like I take a sip of water, water enters my mouth, I swallow it. I take a sip of water, but there's like something chewy in there. All of a sudden it's like I either chew it and swallow it or I take a moment, spit it out. I take a bite of food, I need to chew it, swallow it.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Take a bite of food, my body rejects it, it starts to go down, throw it up.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
like there are different reactions we have to something like that depending on other factors right we put something in our mouth swallow digest goes out drink too much alcohol eventually you start to feel sick your body rejects it later that night you are getting it out of your system so with thoughts and things like that too could it be a thing where like goes through this processing and it's a splitter conveyor belt something doesn't matter let's just spit out a decision before we even think about it done
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
do we want to give $1,000 to this one or this one? Okay, well, there's some consideration here. Let's send this to the more complex processor. And we're consciously aware of the more complex processor, but ultimately still a complex processor, like an eight ball. You have an eight ball, you shake it. It gives you one of like 10 answers. That's our auto thing.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
But then you have your AOL instant messenger bot where you're like, hey, what's your name? Do you have dreams? And it has some, a lot more options it can come up with that takes things that you say to give your answer. Could our brains just be that or is it actually free will?
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
So almost like a parabolic curve. It's like approaching free will and it's so close that they might as well just be the same thing.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
We're going deeper than I thought we would. I'm not gonna lie. It's interesting. Bob, any more thoughts on that one? No, just no. Don't want to think about it anymore. Bob, your determined factory shut down.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
You didn't have to keep selling, man. You had me at nudity.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Okay, we got a pretty good discussion in. I feel like this is probably a decent wrapping point, unless you all have any other final things you want to say? Did you have more subjects to talk about than just free will? No, no, I wanted to focus mainly on free will today. I had a lot of notes on it. Yeah, I'm trying to think if I have like a button thing I want to put on here.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I guess the conclusion that it is free will, even if we can see that maybe it's not, that it's just so complex that it gets so close to free will, we might as well call it free will, is interesting. A lot of things I found when I was looking, it seems like a lot of people are more on team determinism. I think that want for free will is there.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
And then people can argue in and of itself that wanting something in and of itself is a sign of free will. I don't know, it's a complex thing to think about. And then mind-body stuff. Mind-body is where I started to get like a bit in over my head in philosophy. Studying stuff like that was kind of like, oh boy, this is getting so in-depth.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Because now we're talking about anatomy and brain chemistry and chemistry in general and physics versus also just really complex philosophical theories and trying to make them all make sense together. So again, this is a bit beyond my understanding, but I thought maybe one of you would go. I thought Mark would probably be team free will. Bob, I wasn't really sure which way you would go with it.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
And you started off. I thought you were going pretty deterministic. But then you kind of like you found compatibilism, which is another theory in and of itself, which is cool. But I didn't know where you would go with this.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Well, see, I like morals and morals was my real passion for philosophy was free will is an interesting question because it can touch on morality, because if you don't believe in free will, you can't assign moral responsibility. It's like, well, if you didn't choose it, how can we hold you accountable for it? It's just who you are. I didn't go too deep into it, but yeah, I'll have to check it out.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I've I've I heard good things about Westworld, but I feel like I haven't heard anything in like years about it. Maybe that's why.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
So most of season two and three are just, eh, in your opinion? Came out in 2016.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
So if you want Bob's car, come to Bob's auction and you can bid it up and pay 10 times the amount he paid for it.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
all right yeah zero out of ten i would agree honestly i'm not seeing it but man that does ruin it because that would be such a great one-liner yeah sorry to spoil it for everybody all right let me go over the points hopefully y'all enjoyed this discussion i know it's a more serious episode but i don't know people have been wanting some philosophy you asked for you get it because i like it um mark i'm gonna go over your points first oh fuck man this is determined i didn't have free will on this episode did i
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
well no one was determined so someone had to all right mark you got points for sitting is superior brutal honesty edging in sleep he took the point yes free will science and space baby omniscience wouldn't matter to us twins uh and the parabola close to free will why are you saying twins like that
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
it's from uh austin powers i think two girls walk out their twins he just i always say it like that uh bob you got points for subaru undo bald looks like it says no oral i'm pretty sure it says moral uh deterministic world moral responsibility is what it is compatibilism free will as far as we know neuroscience that then divulged into readiness potential and only happens for minor decisions
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I got a point for Hanabi Passion, the firework game.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I finished with one point. Well, at least I didn't lose. See, I can also be surprising and unpredictable. Do I speech? Do I speech now? That's up to you, if you have free will or not. I got a lens cap. Ooh, man, the late deduction before we... Oh, is that what?
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Hopefully you all had fun discussing this stuff. I know this is usually more up my alley than yours. Some people like philosophy episodes. Hopefully everyone does, but sorry it was less comedy, but good interesting discussion. Maybe you learned a thing or two. Maybe you thought deeply about something today. Maybe you didn't. In any case, you can find us at our respective channels.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Bob at MySkirm. Mark at Markiplier. Check out Edge of Sleep. It's out now. You should have watched it already, but if you have, watch it again. If you haven't, fucking watch it. We have merch, tractablestore.com. Stay tuned for the next episode where Mark will lead us on some kind of journey. Until then, podcast out.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
They're our number one fan. We broke their hearts. Subaru, if you want it, it might be for sale someday, and you probably won't get it.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Other news, you guys want to know something random? I was in Virginia a while back, like back in, I think, July, with Bird and some friends. I was playing a game, Tyler actually, Hanabi, which I think I've talked about. It's like a firework building game. You get fireworks, you try to build them up. Super addicted, love it.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
They have a tile version, which is the version I played originally, and it does not exist. I cannot find it. I want it so bad, and I cannot find it. There are websites that are like, you want the tile version? It's right here. Click buy it. You can buy it. I click it, and they're like, give us your email. Let's get your payment info. Hey, dude, silliest thing. It's actually out of stock.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
It's happened like four times. I'm so sorry. But everyone's got the cards. The cards can blow. They suck. Hanabi cards are like the worst thing I've ever played in my life. Fucking hate it. The tiles? God, dear. Like, I would sacrifice my firstborn for the tiles. Cards? No.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I don't have one because I already sacrificed them.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Oh yeah, a car. I don't have one of those. Some meat.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Free lunch, but for cards? No, not for the cards. Hanabi cards, bottom. Regret, they're terrible. Great game. Why are the cards shouldn't exist? Go back to the top. Please, I need the tiles. They don't exist. Anyway, that's my rant. That's one of the greatest games I've ever played.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm today's host, Wade, and welcome to the show where there are three of us, one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, whoever has the most points, rather, at the end, hosts the next episode, joined as always by my friends and co-hosts, Bob and Mark. Hello.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
And that's the difference between just a physical tile because of the ways you need to keep track of what's on the tiles because you can't see your own tiles. So you have to play based on clues that people give you. You need to be able to maneuver them a little bit.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
And whenever you're just holding cards in your hand, it's like, how do I keep track of all these pieces of information whenever I can't really maneuver much? I can flip a card sideways, I guess. But like, I don't know. Anyway, I digress. Hanabi, if you're watching this, you're an MVP. Play like one. You signed that big contract. You got the tiles out there. Let's see it.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Been a few years since you've been at your peak. I believe in you.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
It's at the point where I'm trying to figure out if I can just buy like dominoes or something like that. And then it's like, OK, I need to get like a sticker printing set and just print my own stickers, put them over some dominoes and just make my own set.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
And it's like, God, this is so much more complicated than if I could just find the thing that they have sold twice that apparently a lot of people online are looking for and can't seem to. Why doesn't it exist anymore? Everyone wants it. At least five people have gone to every website and commented the same thing.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I put some passion in there. You know, I'm going to get a passion point. Oh, are we only giving passion points out? I didn't say that. Oh. Well, let me tell you, Passion of the Christ is blowing you guys out of the water. A lot of passion in that one. Passion of the Christ 2, you mean? Passion of the Christ 2 Fast 2 Furious. You mean 9 Fast 9 Furious? Yeah, Passion of the Christ, Resurrection.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
It's coming. I remember he came back and he was like, dudes, that sucked. And then we crucified him again. It's kind of a guns blazing thing. I hope they have like a Passion 2 Ginger Dead Man crossover.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
I think South Park did a thing like that years and years ago where like Jesus jumps out and like takes bullets to protect Santa Claus or something.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hold on. Hold on. are you smelling me flexing my nostril muscles you know no one ever really shows those yeah this is the greatest beginning of an episode ever so some of you have been asking and by that i mean one very consistent person so this is for you wade's philosophy corner is back who who is who has been asking that my alt account
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
It's been a while since I've made myself look really smart, and so I decided to put that off for another week and dive into a topic I didn't really spend a lot of time studying in philosophy, but one that I think is interesting and that you boys might have some input on. And maybe this will be a really short episode because you guys will just agree. Maybe you'll surprise me.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
Maybe you'll have your own takes. But the question we'll be debating today is, do we have free will? And I've got some info from smarter people than us.
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
oh i thought you're you got some info from on high i got jesus in my left ear buddha in the right and i'm gonna be listening to all gods uppercase and lowercase g's now i do have like you know some some spark notes basically of uh actual moral theories i was diving in before we started today to
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
read up on this a bit so i've got some info there but before i dive into things i've looked up i'm just curious what your guys intuition is what you think why you think or we can think through it talk through it debate uh is there free will i think therefore you are well you think therefore you are oh okay you think yeah that's what i was going for thank you i'll take my points
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
OK, Bob, what's your initial reaction to the question?
Distractible
Wadey’s Wittle Phiwosophy Hour (Part 2)
editors no one ever will tell us apart now how you guys doing been been on that edge of sleep grind you know how it'd be no i never worked on it all right well i watched it i don't i don't want to spoil it like i do want to spoil it but i'm not going to but i watched it and i enjoyed it and want more of it well you gotta follow the plan and there was that one scene that i can't talk about and won't
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All right, well, everyone agrees then, so no points assigned. Wet sock, limp handshake, or a dull person? Is it a phrase we should bring back? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not a particularly striking phrase, but I guess it makes sense. I'm not opposed to it being a thing. I wouldn't use it. I don't think it's that exciting.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I wouldn't care if it came back, but I also don't think it's like, oh, yeah, we need that.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
What's a firm handshake, then? If a soft, floppy handshake is a wet sock, what's a firm handshake? Like a starched thong? Starched thong. What's a starched thong you have there? Crusty britches. Maybe we'll find out. Maybe it's in here. Wide tie? Wide tie, dude!
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
we're gonna move on this episode of distractible is brought to you by marvel television's all-new series daredevil born again premiering on disney plus march 4th 6 p.m pacific 9 p.m eastern get ready for matt murdoch the one who's daredevil by the way and vincent inofrio to face off when their past identities emerge to place them on an inevitable collision course boys i am pretty excited for this one
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I've always loved watching these characters. I'm super excited to see them again. I'm excited that they've got a new series coming out. Trailers, it's hard to tell sometimes. I watched the trailer for this. It made me want to watch. It brought me in and I was like, no, you're right. I have missed Daredevil. It's coming back.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
so many trailers give away everything but i felt like this one didn't i don't know i felt properly teased like a trailer supposed to do it's like i saw things i wanted to see i have questions i want answered if i had all of the senses that daredevil has i would definitely be an athlete still i don't know if you've seen those videos where baseball players i think most of them are probably scripted but it wouldn't be for me they're like doing an interview and they just like turn around and grab a ball that they had no idea was coming at them
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I would want to be one of the football guys who do the exact same thing where they're like standing there and there's like a punt or something or just a huge long pass and they're just like... Oh, man. Imagine if I had super hearing. I'd be able to hear everything, especially the people who are hiding in my walls. I know they're there.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
At the end, when you... I forget if you sit up or it just reveals your face and you're all... Whoa.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I just need to be able to hear them and pinpoint their location so that I can find them. They're committing a crime. Just because Daredevil can fight crime by hearing enemies doesn't mean I can't either. So I'm going to do exactly that. And you can do exactly checking out the series on Disney Plus, March 4th, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
That was Super Sense Life, brought to you by Daredevil Born Again, streaming March 4th on Disney+. The devil's work is never done. Will chaos reign when Daredevil and Kingpin meet again? Find out on March 4th on Disney+. Okay, nothing happened. So I get to do this the way I was originally intending. So Mark gets to go first this time. What is happy cabbage? That's another word for weed.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
That's very crinkly. What you doing, bud? I have another coin here that I bought.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I haven't upgraded my camera in a while, but I shouldn't. You do. It's an A7S III. Why is it getting worse? I'm still using an A7R II. That's the one I bought from you, actually. I think I have a Sony... Is it an AX700 or something? It's a camcorder. Anyway. Does this. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. OK, I just pulled my mount off my desk. It's fine. It's just wobbly. Bob, what is happy cabbage?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Happy cabbage. Yeah, well, that's probably a British one because theirs are always stupid. That's probably like what they call soccer balls. Cause they call things complete nonsense and they love football. And if football is vaguely the size and shape of a cabbage, so that's probably their happy cabbage. Go out and kick around the old happy cabbage. Yeah.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Dude, all those bits, I was so sure you were going to die. And then in the pool, is that the same video? Same video. Push me in the pool when I'm in that thing.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Uh, happy cabbage is a sizable amount of money to be spent on self satisfying things. It doesn't. I mean, I guess if you win the lottery or something, or like you win a, you want to sweepstakes or that just seems like a phrase that wouldn't need to exist. Yeah.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
or waste or i don't know actually never shut up me shut up mark fuck you man stop ruining the podcast mark i was really trying to come with you but i don't think i've ever heard that me oh yeah i never want to hear you talk again me i don't like how mean you are to mark mark well maybe he deserves it I don't think he deserves it. Look how upset he is. I'm so upset. Always faking it.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Well, you would know. Bobby, we're to you. We passed the cabbage. Now we're going on to the next one. Tell me what is pangwangle. That's actually not as old as it sounds. Benedict Cumberbatch took another run at saying penguins, and all he could get to was pangwangles. I feel like you're Gilbert Godfrey on Hollywood Squares right now with your answers. I know this one!
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
but yeah no that's Pangwangles was they like like eight hours in the booth and that was Pangwangles was the next best thing they could get out of Benedict Cumberbatch for the for the nature documentary how bad was that Gilbert Godfrey impression by the way not bad it was pretty good it was fine for an out of the blue like I've never heard you do Gilbert Godfrey before I've never tried that is literally my first ever attempt at it obviously recognizable which is a success
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
What was your answer again? I got so distracted by what transpired. That's what the penguin calls his penis in the Batman films. Penguin calls penis and then somehow Benedict Cumberbatch. Benedict Cumberbatch watches.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
And, you know, do the pangwangle. Would it change either of your answers if I told you pang was spelled P-A-N-G? Never. Gotta tell you, you're both wrong. Again. Pangwangle is to live or go along cheerfully in spite of minor misfortunes. No, it's not. Yeah, no, that's not right. That's not right. That can't be right. That's awful.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
privilege and then check your answers fair enough mark tell me what is in the ketchup can you use it in a sentence give it the language of origin i feel like if i do i might give away the meaning oh then do it no
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I love it. It was fine. You were fine. It was great. Those are good times. Pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. So many good moments from that. Yeah, you can't put people in pools and coffins now. I forget what they're called. What are those bouncy ball things called? The one where you kicked Ethan in the nuts real good. Zorb balls or something?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Ah, in the ketchup. If you have someone to phone, you know what? Go for it. You can each phone someone. I don't care. In the ketchup, there was a spooky ghost.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
uh it's fucking i don't know um it means being stuck or something because like a ketchup bottle is hard to get out sometimes maybe okay being stuck or otherwise hard to get out something okay bob i am pretty sure that this is what doctors on the maternity ward call it when they're delivering a baby damn it
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Like the phone rings in the corner and then one of the nurses answers like, doctor, it's your significant other. And the doctor's like, nah, tell him I'm in the ketchup. Call him in a minute. I'm not going to ask you to clarify any further. I think I understand.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
In the ketchup means in the red or operating at a deficit. That's awful. I don't think that's right, actually.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Do you have any more info about that? What is that from? No, this is the website is Mental Floss. Article is 83 old slang phrases we should bring back, which you guys definitely shouldn't open and cheat. They're in favor of bringing all these back? This is what they picked for phrases they miss from being in the lexicon? Yes. Well, I question that pretty deeply, but OK.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Next, I think, Bob, you're first again. Oh, good. Flub the dub. What does it mean to flub the dub? This is actually from White House archives. This is staff in the White House, which didn't exist at the time period I'm about to reference. Overheard Martha Washington saying before she went into the bedroom one night when George Washington was feeling particularly frisky.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
oh god damn it and a little known fact george washington actually had people refer to him as the dub yeah because that's where george bush got it from hey anyone that has george w in their name should be called the dub that was a historical reference why he went by w yeah he's actually much smarter than people give him credit for so all george w's are they all are yep every one of them every last one of them
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Mark, what's your interpretation of flub the dub? Um, pass. Oh, that means I get it. No, to pass. Pass. Oh, like you're passing the rock? Like you're saying, give me the ball? No. Or you're saying to not participate is to flub the dub?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
the nut kick is funny but I love that one more because of Ethan's saga of trying to get his thing inflated because he like took it to the store and had the guy inflate it but then it went in his car and he was like so I deflated it and then I brought it over here that's very funny where can we find these videos they're everywhere you don't have to look very far I'm suing as fast as I can.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Any of the above? None of the above. Flub the dub means to evade one's duty. Very not George Washington like.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I don't know, man. Not that I haven't been trying my best. I'm going to get the next one correct. I have faith in you, but Mark gets the first shot at it. That's fine. It'll give me a direction. Mark, what is meant by the phrase a pine overcoat? I know this one. I know this one! I know this one! How was my gun read? Was that pretty good?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Editors, make it seem like I sent him to voicemail. editors i'm sorry that we are the podcast you edit for uh well i've forgotten entirely what you said what did you say pine overcoat pine overcoat ah straight jacket bob uh and of course that's incorrect because a pine overcoat is a coffin give somebody a pine overcoat when you when you kill them and then they go into a pine pine box pine coffin
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
that's correct yeah i told you i was gonna get that one right that's good yeah that actually yeah that makes a lot of sense pine overcoat it is a coffin should we bring it back i don't hate that one i just don't have a lot of uses for slang for coffins but like you know maybe i mean if there's more duels going on which who knows maybe we'll get there someday could happen could happen um bob i think you're gonna go two for two i think you've got this one all right
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
What is meant by the phrase a butter and egg man? Oh, yeah, I know that. Yeah, that's why I'm so enthusiastic. I will tell you both. This one is so oddly specific. So oddly specific. This is referring to a gentleman who is, of course, doing the keto diet. And so thusly is not eating the toast, but he is eating the butter and the egg. Which came first, the butter or the egg? Definitely the butter.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Okay. Mark, what is a butter and egg man? A frilly Nancy. A poncy nonce. I'm right. What is that? It's a butter and egg man. According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, a butter and egg man refers to a wealthy but unsophisticated small town businessman who acts like a playboy when he visits the big city. A poncy nonce? I think I'm right on that. I think this might be the first one I get right.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I think I might actually be right about that. How do you spell that? P-O-N-C-Y-N-O-N-C-E. Aponsinance. I don't know. It just sounds like it should be right, right? That's what I was thinking of when I was like, that's a fucking freely fancy man, you know? But an idiot in a bad, negative way. a poncy is an overly fancy pretentious or affected person and a nonce wait is a sex offender
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
particularly implies that they are a pedophile i have different definitions for it i don't know what definition that's the first one i got to maybe let's not no i mean that might be i don't know what the fuck google what are we doing i don't know but i don't like this phrase anymore
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You know, Mark, that might be, for what you've said multiple times, that might be the last point you ever get, so I'll give you one, sure. I think that's the only point I've ever gotten. I don't know if I'll see much more of you after this episode, so... Yeah, that's all right. You've earned the right to answer this next question first, then.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Wait, can I just say, I think you did earn that mark, because if you dig super, super, super, super deep, the fifth definition that I found, after the other ones that we've talked about already, is... that a nonce might just be a stupid or otherwise worthless person. If we go with that one, it's a fancy, affected person who is worthless.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
A wealthy but unsophisticated small-town businessman who acts like a playboy when he visits the big city. Unsophisticated. See? Stupid. But we all know wealthy determines your worth. You already gave him the point, so it doesn't really mean very much, but I'm just saying I feel good about that. I feel strong about that. That was a good one, Mark. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
bob you know this one i know this one the mouse is referring to a mouse under your eye and if you if you're going to cop a mouse they're threatening to punch you in the face okay cop a mouse is a victorian error phrase that means get a black eye oh because that's that's the thing you get when you get a black eye it's you get a mouse under your eye I honestly, I didn't think it was Victorian.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You better be careful. You're going to get into his list. Especially from Canada in the 50s. You're going to cop a mouse, eh? Give me a plate of poutine, eh? What's that one mean? I think it means the man would like a plate of French fries with gravy and cheese curds on it. Okay. That's not slang. That's just straightforward. Don't give him a point for that. Don't give him a point.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I don't think there's a second meaning to that. If there is, it's awful because it's something sexual and terrible. Definitely don't want to know about. Bob was meant by the phrase. Don't sell me a dog. Funny enough. It's a phrase invented and used a lot by salespeople that especially salespeople who sold dogs. That's how they would break the ice with people.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Come up, knock on the door, whatever, carrying their briefcase full of dogs. And the person is like, ah, we don't need any. And the guy's like, Hey, don't sell me a dog. Have I got something to show you? And then he starts pulling different puppies out of his little leather briefcase. And, uh, Yeah, it's weird, but I'm pretty sure that's it. An icebreaker to sell dogs. Okay. Or other stuff.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
This is... Don't set me up on a blind date with some rascal. Don't sell me a dog. Don't sell me a dog. It actually just means don't lie to me. Same thing. Judges?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I got one eye. He knows this one. Bob, you agree? I'm not a judge. I have no authority here. You're both judges. Don't sell me a dog. Well played. I don't know if that counts as lying. Don't set me up with a rascal. I have so few points, man. I got so few points. I got, like, no points.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I was going to say, Bob's gotten one correct. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's right. Hey, I think I got two correct, actually, but... I'm trying to sell him a dog.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I'm pretty sure Cop-O-Mouse is the only one you've gotten correct so far. Didn't I also get the other one? Oh, Pine Overcoat. You did get Pine Overcoat. Yeah, I know all the violent ones. Mark does look a little bit worse for you now that he got Pine Overcoat. Okay, fuck. I'm glad we rehashed what points were what. Did you just not write that down? I did.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
It just wasn't very clearly written, so I had to rewrite it because the point was there. The writing was not. Mark, what is meant by the phrase fly rink? Um...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
it's someone who what visual studios installing that's oddly specific it's someone who installs visual studios okay no that's not it i'm either getting some intense malware right now and there's someone cut about the back into my thing or oh have you seen my fat peepee
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You could cut a grub with that one. Now, cut a grub is a slang phrase that I don't know what that means.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
interesting combo you can just give me the point you can just give it to me yeah you like it's over i might i might but i'm gonna give bob a chance here first all right no this one actually comes from as a car guy i know this one actually this comes from uh old cars were real simple and you know the old ford uh flat six used to have just one belt on the front for the accessory drive.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
And this is actually kind of an onomatopoeia because when the belt would flip off the Ford, it would kind of just flip off. It would break the fan and cause bright. And it would, it sounded when it happened, it would go fly. And so fly rink turned into kind of a saying for like, ah, and you fucked everything up. You know, that's a real fly rink. Good guesses, boys.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I'm slightly offended that you guys don't know this one, being as I'm right here in front of you, but a fly rink is a bald head. It's a bald head. Flies just skate around. Does that happen? All the time, man. Sometimes they'll come as a couple and they'll be holding little proboscises while they skate around my head. Proboscises? Proboscises? Proboscises? Proboscises? Probasco sauce. Probascis.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I got a couple more here I'm going to do. We've gotten through like 10 out of like 80 of these, which is good. It means I can come back to this. Of course, yeah. In the meantime, though, I want you to tell me what is, Bob, I think you're first this time. What is a nosebagger? It's actually a term or a thing that most normies aren't aware of, but it's kind of an industrial revolution era.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
thing the wealthy people during the industrial revolution would actually have a person on their staff at their house and maybe at work they went to work a lot whose entire job was to capture a mucus and stuff that came out of their nose and mouth they would nose bag them because they actually then they would send that off to the doctor and the doctor um it was believed if you made a tincture tincture
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
with your own mucus, that that would have healing properties and also might be an aphrodisiac. And so rich people would have nosebaggers capture all their gunk and then drink it later on in a bottle of doctor juice. Sounds delicious. Mark, what's your guess? I don't want to guess anymore.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Is that all it is? You're gonna laugh. A nosebagger is someone who takes a day trip to the beach, who brings his own provisions and doesn't contribute at all to the resort he's visiting.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Bob, I'm going to give you a bonus point. I'm glad we have a word for that. A segue, because the next one that Mark gets to go first on is, Mark, what is the phrase, not up to dick? Not, wait, what? Not up to dick. Not up the dick is not the phrase. Not up the dick is not the phrase. Not up to dick. Not up the dick! I know what that means. Yeah, I know. Not up to dick. Ugh. I'll give you a hint.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
It is not referring to your height. Thank you? Not you specifically, but... Okay, all right, man. You didn't have to give me a hint. You didn't have to. That was a mean hint. I know what you look at when you hang out with Bob and I, so I just didn't want you to think in that. Alright, man. You're up to dick to me. Oh, yeah, you're way up to dick, Mark. You're past dick.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Alright, you guys, you can stop anytime. Or just be nice. Hey, you can pat me on the fly ring for luck.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I'd rather you be cop-based than us going to Russia every time. So at least we're in the U.S. this time. Bob, what is not up to Dick? Funny enough, this is actually another White House one, but it's much more modern. This comes from the George W. Bush White House. Famously, his vice president was Dick Cheney. And at any given day coming out of the Oval Office, you could hear old W. Whalen.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
that's not up to dick i'm the president that's not that's not up to dick and that became like a saying where it was like yeah sure buddy sure you're in charge sure i'm a fine dick and i'm gonna tell him uh yeah that's the old w actually that's the new w the old w's yeah if something or someone was not up to dick it was not healthy i don't get that one i don't get it yeah what arrow was that made
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I don't have more info on that one. Okay, alright. Did you just type into chat, GPT, come up with some random bullshit slang and make it seem like it's real? I did not. Bob, I think you're first this time. What is meant by the phrase or words, saucebox? I think we all know what that means. It's from that pickup line.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
In the club, you walk up to the ladies and you just go, hey, get a swimmer out in your saucebox. That either works or it doesn't. But man, when it works.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Hey baby, can I swim in your sauce box? Hey baby, I got my french fry. Can you show me your sauce box? Yeah, I'm into ketchup or whatever the other one was. Mark, what is a sauce box? I'm guessing this is the, uh, when you're going up in the drive-thru, you're talking to the box, the actual speaker box. The old-timey drive-thru. Yeah, that's the sauce box.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Well, they had drive-thrus in the old times. I remember when the Flintstones went to McDonald's. Are these from the Flintstone era slang? I don't know. I don't have much information on this one, if I'm being honest with you. You could be right. However, your mouth is your sauce box. That's pretty close to what I was getting at. So Bob got it. Yeah, Bob got it. Yeah, I was pretty close.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Yeah, sure, man. I'll give you the point. Can I swim in your sauce box? I guess that's slightly, you know, it could just be making out, you know. Or other things. Swim around in your sauce box. I mean, your mouth. That's the beauty of sauce box. It means whatever the listener thinks it means, because it could be lots of stuff.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
It's like four inches cubed, right? But to be able to do five-axis at an accessible rate, like you can still build a lot of stuff very small stuff yeah well yeah but a lot of small stuff but it opens up the world of precision machining like that i've never had any access to because if i were to buy a large machine and i could right i could are you rich or something what do you mean you could
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You have to yell whisper it just like that, though, because it's very reassuring. If you could do a Gilbert Gottfried, it's most effective as Gilbert Gottfried. I just keep hearing the, I know this one, like on repeat. You guys have all seen the episode where he's like said you fool like a hundred times where like just nobody could get the answer.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
He was the last square in Hollywood squares and everyone kept having to go to him and they would get it wrong. So be like, you fool! It's on repeat. It's so good. It's like five or six minutes worth your time. Don't recall that one. Mark, to you, I think we'll do two more then we'll call it. Oh man, my ego is not thriving on this episode. Oh, okay. Maybe this will be the last one.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I kind of like this one. I'll even make this simple. There are four different answers you guys could give that would be correct for this. What is a pretzel bender?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
There's this big battle of, like, fire and water and air. And then you've got a guy holding dough going... Not with his hands, stupid. Yeah, it's still bending. It's impressive.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
There's a lot of elements to it. Pretzels involve boiling water and lye, I think. It's actually... That's what the avatar really is, is the pretzel bender bringing all of it together. Even if the pretzel was fully baked, it was a pretzel stick, and the pretzel bender had to physically touch it and just bent it into the classical pretzel shape. But without breaking it.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
And he could take hard little twisted ones and straighten them out. Honestly, if someone did come up to me with a thick stick pretzel and they just went, watch...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I don't think I'd be okay after that. That would be pretty wild. Bob, what is a pretzel bender? This is actually really cute, I'm thinking. I'm thinking this is really cute. It's cutesy. It comes from Germany. Because in America, we would just call this a fender bender. But Germans love them pretzels. And so they, you know, if you can't get your hands on a shiny chrome bumper for your car...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Maybe you just cook a big pretzel and you just have that on there. And then if you get in a little accident when you're driving around here. Oops. That's a sign pretzel bender. Oh, nine. Oh, nine. A pretzel bender. They have a pretzel bender. Caused. Thought. No, I can't remember the word for. You know what I'm getting at. It's German. They call pretzels pretzels. I'm pretty sure.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Comes right out of their sauce box. Hell of a trick. Oh, you mean mouth. um i think i gotta give the point to mark on this one oh you don't have to pretzel bender can mean a player of the french horn a wrestler obviously a heavy drinker or a peculiar person and let me tell you that's pretty peculiar it was a wide target just barely clipped it i think i made it though
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Look at me now. We're going to do one final one because I just want to do this one. Bob, you're first. What is meant by the phrase, pump the swag? Pump the swag. I don't want to get censored again, man. Just give me a sec. Hang on. Oh, no. Come on. Go for it. No, this is a slang term coined by people who are on the professional convention tour. It's not the people who are attending the convention.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
It's like the people who run them. They set the booths up and that sort of stuff. They're like carnies, but for conventions. When they see someone who's just really loading up on the swag, because there's always gift bags and stuff. This guy looks humped at swag. Yeah, I knew he was going to do that. Okay. Mark, hump the swag.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
i could i could you could don't pretend like i could i can and you can't it's not about me hey don't flip this on me it's about you you can you could if a toucan you can that doesn't mean i can you got all that car money you've been saving up you got plenty for cncs over there i do i do i am sitting on some car money but investing it in car stocks instead
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Do you ever get one of those Ryobi folding workbench dolly things, Mark? Those are out there now. Oh, I really want to. It's so cool. I like that, but I haven't got one. I don't know, Mark. If you're not going to give me an answer, you clearly can't win the locked in point. No, I'm doing humping the swag right now. I'm avoiding a situation and going to my favorite consumerist hobby.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Thank you, Ryobi. Pumping the swag means to carry your luggage on your back. Yeah, that actually kind of makes sense. What bonus star are we adding to the bonus stars? I like the most censored. The most censored. You know, that kind of favors Bob, but I also like it. So yeah, sure. Let's go for it. All right. The most censored to this episode is officially added. How many are we doing? Three.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Oh, shit. This is my chance. You guys ready? Yep. Let's do it. One. oh no yes yes yes ate the most how many cough drops how many how many more cough drops do i have to eat to catch up to that it's a very large bowl it's a very large i have a family-sized bag i just opened i don't know if that even that would be enough but oh god please
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
i cannot believe i can't believe that fucking came up that's ridiculous he was preparing for this from the intro i love this wheel i love this wheel loves me all right all right all right spin it again Is that me? That one's going to have to be reserved. That's got to be me. It's got to be me. Unless you know how many points we have, Wade. If you do, you just silently add that.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
But otherwise, I think maybe you're going to have to hold on to that until you start tallying up here. Third spin, baby. Oh, got the biggest laugh. This one might be kind of tied to what's censored the most. I think this one goes to Bob. Sad to say. I had some jokes, but I don't think I had as good ones. You had some good. Honestly, I don't think I was definitively funnier than you.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You had some very funny stuff this time. Let me go through the points. Bob, you got points for... Ever fall down the stairs. Rin near fall. Pine overcoat. No, it's not! Don't remember what that's for. Wait, what? Cop a mouse. Bad joke. What a dick. Saucebox. Oh, you meant mouth. You got two points for that because you got one for the funny and biggest laugh. All right.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Mark, you got points for we are rich. CNC. Shut up, Mark. Ryobi, Ponsenance, what visual studio? That was pretty funny when that happened. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ate the most on stream, and then you also got the point for being a loser, which brought you to nine points. Bob finished with 11. Oh.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Which means if that last spin hadn't been biggest laugh, if it had gone to Mark somehow, it would have been a tie.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You were down by three and the wheel got you back within one until that final spin. Oh, so close. The wheel is really quite the development in technology for us. I love this. The odds of it also hitting three whenever I was doing... So I was trying to do a D3, and it wasn't working. It was giving me a D4. So it was like, four, four. I was like, that's not a D3.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I finally got the D3 thing to work, and then it ended up being three, and I was like, well, that's going to be crazy if that helps Mark, because I knew he was behind a little bit, but man. Mark, do you want to deliver your loser speech?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
And I will win next time. Bob, winner speech. Oh, sure. Just think how many points I could add this episode if everything I said was allowed to be aired publicly. I mean, I pretty much killed it today. I feel pretty strong about my performance. I really went out there, gave 110%. And, you know, we played as a team. And you really got to just do one play at a time, you know.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You do. Great work, competitors. I hope you all enjoyed. Listeners and watchers, I hope you enjoyed as well. If you haven't already, go follow MarketMarkiplier, Bob at MySkirm. I'm Minion77 or Minion777. Let's end this train wreck before it gets worse. Podcast out.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Now, hold on. If you make a YouTube channel or Twitch channel, you're instantly famous and rich. If you buy a CNC machine, the same thing should be true. Yeah, well, for me. And for you. You privileged bastard, you. You handsome host! What'd I get? I was born this way. Mark, I'll give you a bonus point if you can tell me what CNC stands for. Oh! Computer Numerical Control! He was just reading.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
What did you look at? No, I didn't leave that. No, I was looking at my soup. Bob, do you want to... We have a thing for this. I don't do that yet. Oh, okay. Anyway, XHorse3D, please. I know there's a bunch of CNC YouTubers out there that actually have audiences. Hey, what about me? Look at this guy here. Mark will start a CNC YouTube channel. You want funny CNC stuff, right?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I'll make all the four-inch dicks that I possibly can. Actually, if you have a diagonal in the cube, it's probably going to be a little longer. Yeah, just need a thin tip. You could make a dildo or a pickle. You could make them both. A dill pickle, that's already a thing. You could make a dill pickle. Is that what that stands for? Is that why those taste the way they taste? Yeah, the lube.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
hello everyone welcome back to another episode of distractible i'm today's host wade why because i ended up winning one of the craziest finishes in distractible history if you haven't watched it you should go back and do that joined as always by my co-host mark and bob hey guys hello how goes things pretty good yeah pretty good mark i can't help but notice that you seem occupied over there why why yeah i have a job what of it
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I did not. I never put that together. So, ooh, ah, ee. According to Gemini...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
That is. It'd be really thin, but hey, that's a respectable. We always love when six and nine are together, even with a point in between. Speaking of a point in between. Yeah, you got your bonus point for CNC. All right. Bob, I do have a follow up question for you, though. Why did you ask about falling down the stairs? We went into like a side tangent, but actually literally no reason.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
You know what it is? It was on my mind because Rin was leaving the house yesterday and it's been snowy and icy and we have a doorbell camera and she almost just ate it down our front step. But it was one of those where it was like,
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
but there's a handrail and she caught the handrail and just walked away but i got i looked at the clip and i was like man that would have been so funny almost had a whole episode's worth of content right there oh and then i considered throwing myself down the stairs on the doorbell cam just to see if it would but i was like nah it's probably not worth it we'll see maybe i'll get desperate if i ever win again i'll have to host an episode and then i'll be really desperate so
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
We'll go back and see the footage of you, like, pouring water on the steps to hoping it would freeze so people will slow down. Like, I need footage. Need content. Well, good stuff, gentlemen. Good stuff. I don't have anything that interesting. I mean, I've got my Spotify award still nearby. Thank you, Spotify, for that, by the way. I don't know if I said thank you last time, but I don't know.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I still think that's kind of cool that people somehow listen to and or watch this podcast, which... Anything else you boys want to go over or else I can dive right in. I've got a fun episode. I mean, look, all the all the funny news stories are really dry this season.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
So, you know, once that well starts turning again, we'll oh, all the funnies will fly. Yeah, I just try to see if there's anything interesting going on and the first couple things I see are murder and social security. Those are always hilarious topics, but I think I'll dodge them. Today's episode, we're going to have a throwback to when times had more headlines.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
We're going to have a bit of a throwback to when people did fall down the stairs because there weren't handrails yet. We're going to go back to a time that is very unspecific, but a time when they were old slang phrases that I don't know that I've heard of. Not many of them. Maybe you guys have heard of them.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
So we're going to go through this list and I'm going to have you guys give me what you think each of these means. Whoever gets the most right will probably earn the most points. We'll decide as a group if we should bring the phrases back or not. I can't tell if I'm never going to have heard a single one of these or if this is about to be a bunch of stuff where Wade's like, what does this mean?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
And then I'm like, a couple of them sound familiar to me, but a lot of them don't. Maybe some of the early ones you guys will know, but only one way to find out. How do we determine who went first last time? Was it a good old coin flip? That's what Mark did, but you can...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
choose man no that seems fair i like coins we'll do it which one of you wants to be heads i got a pretty big coin heads tails i'll do the flip land of the palm show thing i want to be the tail side my hair is kind of like george washington's right now okay so this will be mark this will be bob what in the flip what was that I guess I win.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Kind of looked like he flipped it around in his hand as he was trying to catch it or whatever, but... Yeah, what kind of... No, I caught it, and it, like, bounced, and I had to re-catch it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's so big for my tiny six-foot-four long hands. What do you mean? You just take it, and you go... And it flips! Look.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All the listeners out there, what he's doing is he has the coin in his palm. He doesn't flip it with his thumb or anything. He just kind of chucks it up. It spins twice. It goes down. I don't trust my thumb, so I flip it with my index. What's wrong? What has your thumb done to betray you? You flip it with your index? You didn't flip it at all. Not small coins, but this big one, yeah. You mean?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
As stated, I think you know what you're doing and why you're doing it. Oh, yeah. No ulterior motives here. Well, what's new? We usually open up with small talk, and I guess I will follow that continued trend. How goes things? What's new in your lives? What's going on in the world? I swear to God, I was just in the break.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
How do you? I mean, I guess I could, like. I just don't like that. Yeah, you could. You could. You're not getting that ping? It's like an M1 Garand. You know?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Mine doesn't ting at all. Mine is real gold, so it's just... I can't catch! That's a different problem. I don't believe in ghosts! Bob, tell me, what is meant by the phrase, wet sock? No, that's when your sock is wet. What do you mean?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
back in the olden days, before shoes, when it was just socks and then feet, and they'd go outside and it was wet, and you'd step in something and your sock gets wet, and the old-timey prostitutes would be like, oh, that's a wet sock! So the slang term went literally wet sock. It's definitely either that or the sock or other cloth garment that the family took turns jerking off into.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
The whole family? Yeah, well, times were tough, right? You didn't have enough resources for everyone to have their own sock or towel or whatever. So you take the oldest, most decrepit sock you got, and that's the wet sock. You just keep that set aside so that everyone knows that's the wet sock. Uh, fair enough. Mark, uh, do you have a guess as to what wet sock is? Is this for the steel?
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Yeah, why did I go first? Just determine who went first. It doesn't give anyone an advantage or disadvantage. Just determine who went first.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Wait, was that not a bit? No. No, that was out of my mouth. He said it. He said it. That was out of my mouth before I realized it. All right, so you were complaining about me going first. I don't remember. I don't know. Well, it's Wade's choice. Wade, what is the result of this? All heads, all tails, or neutral? Okay, heads favors Mark. He chose heads before. You wanted tails, so...
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
If it gets heads three times, I guess Mark gets a point. If it's tails three times, Bob gets a point. We'll just make it simple. All right. That's not very convoluted at all, but okay. It's not supposed to be convoluted. I want to go first. I want that to be. That's what I think is unfair. I should have gone first because his flipping was all unfair.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I demand if it's declared unfair, I get to go first. And if it's declared fair, I get to go first the entire rest of the episode. Yeah, that's it. So no, you guys don't want any points added to this.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I was just thinking of something, and I was like, that'll be really good small talk. Great. What was it? You ever fall downstairs? No. No? No? No. I've tripped going up the stairs before.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All heads, Mark gets to go first the rest of the time. All tails, Bob gets to go first the rest of the time. No, that wouldn't be fair. I just want to go. I want to go once. I get first once. Okay. First once or Bob gets it. the rest of the episode because that's doubly unfair that is doubly okay and if it's anything in between nothing changes yeah all right ready so it is decreed Tails.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Oh, two heads. Nothing happens. I was perfect. We'll move on. I got I got the lion. The lion is tails, man. I really should have looked at what was on this coin. It's confusing that neither of these is a head. It's just a lady and a lion. You did say last episode, lady heads. The lady has a head, but the lion has a head. Wait, did you flip your heads? What? Did you change your heads? No.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
The lion was always tails. My lion is tails. Lion has a tail. Lion has tails. Lady has a head. Lady has heads. It's just a stupid coin. I wish I'd done a better job finding my coin. I got so excited that it was stupid. You could still buy another one. You could buy another one. I know. I'm trying to buy less stuff from the internet. It's not working. Oh, wait. Okay. Buy a CNC. Mill your own coin.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
Okay. Okay. Okay. Have a lady looking away his head and you put a lion's tail as the tail. I'm going to make a series of coins for each of the matchups. So I'll have one coin that's me and Mark, one coin that's me and Wade, and one coin that's Mark and Wade. And then that way I can flip the appropriate coin for whatever the situation is. That's incredibly fair.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
All right, well, I'm going to talk to that company. What was it? Donkey 3D FX CNC. I think it was Wonky Donkey X. That was it. Yeah, you guys got it. What was that company, Mark? X Horse 3D. I knew it was something with hooves. Mark, what's a wet sock? Oh, it's a party pooper.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
okay there's a poopy party man or woman I may have to go to the judges for this one we may have to deliberate there's an or here so don't judge at me right away a wet sock is a limp handshake or in Australia specifically a dull person is a party pooper a dull person no I don't think so a party pooper is more of a specific like they're they're not just boring they are actively ruining the party because they are being a shitter
Distractible
Big Dog Energy
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Woodless Wade winces at wanked-on mags and questions the boys about bugs and pussy. Mankini'd Mark is too hot, rar, purchases pitiful firepower, and ramrods his wick. Blue-eyed Bob can't fire it up, wants to get sticky, and states Wade looks like he pounds Garfield hard. From vegan bullets to upskirting owls. Yes!
Distractible
Big Dog Energy
It's time for Big Dog Energy. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
This episode of Distractible is presented by Vitamin Water. Some drinks are fun. Some drinks are functional. But Vitamin Water said, why not both? The Elevate Blue Raspberry, actually very good. As I'm getting older, I found that I'm a raspberry guy. They also have Zero Sugar Rehydrate Pineapple Passion Fruit. As I'm getting older, I'm finding I'm really a pineapple guy.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
This was white and clean whenever we left to go to Minnesota. You're not supposed to take a poop on the grate and then try and stomp it through with your feet. That's not a good... You should see what the shower looked like at one point. I regret tempting this. I still think he's making it up. I'm deleting that for my own history because I don't want to see it again.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
This could be an elaborate fabrication. Anyway, I don't know. Do we need to start like a foundation for Wade's pipes or something or... Find me someone in the tri-state area who's fucking competent. We need the Robert Irvine of plumbing to go to Wade's house and film an episode of Flushing Impossible.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Robert Irvine is the chef who was host of Restaurant Impossible, and he would go to failing restaurants and boot camp them and help them fix their menu and remodel their thing. Everyone knows Robert Irvine, right? Everyone knows. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
that's a good reference i'm gonna give myself a point for that this episode is brought to you by amazon prime whatever you're into it's on prime you know what i got into recently pens you just find them on amazon they're just out there and pens is not a weird thing to be interested in so don't say that me it's been prime video then the last like two weeks i was like you know what i need to do i need to watch every war movie ever made i love war movies
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Whatever it is, Prime helps you get more out of whatever passions you're into or getting into. Head to Amazon.com slash Prime and follow your obsession wherever it goes. Anyway, VO3. VOE? VO? What's it called? Google video thing? I think it's VO3, yeah. Have you seen this, Wayne? No. I don't know how you could possibly eat after having just stood that close to shit drain.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Bob, I've lived next to shit drain for six years. I'd be dead if I couldn't. You merely adopted the shit. I was born in it. Molded by it. I was an anal birth. On brighter news, I got another photo for you. I don't know if I want any more pictures from you, but okay. No, you want this one. Little baby deer starting to show up. No, that's way better. Did you get any pictures of their shit?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It hasn't actually been that long since we've talked to each other, but also feels somehow like it's been quite a long time, which I feel like could be the subtitle of the book about the last five years of my life. But how are you guys doing today? How is your, how's it been? How's it going?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Well, no, but Presley was eating some yesterday. Oh, fun. Dogs are fun. We have baby deer. There's like three or four. They must have just been born this week. They are so tiny and barely able to walk normally. They look clunky when they're moving. Like a baby deer? The cicada brood is here. I don't know if you guys are seeing it. I'm in California. Hundreds of shells.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And it is like getting deafeningly loud. What did you say, Mark? And then listen to you. I'm in California. I was talking to Bob exclusively. You guys must have seen it, right, Mark? Yeah, I kind of figured that this brood 14 or whatever it is wasn't in California. But Bob, are you guys seeing the hundreds, if not thousands of cicada shells? I am not. We are not seeing that as much.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I've definitely it's like the cicadas are coming out, but not remotely like that kind of bullshit. Every tree, there's shells and there's ones actively crawling. And then around like three or four in the afternoon, it just starts to get like definitely loud outside from the making all the noise. I think you live in and amongst more treed areas than we do.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
We kind of live on top of a hill where there's not really any woods around us or anything. It's more just like houses. Yeah, I'm not excited for that. I'm just imagining piles of dead ones in the garage and crunchy footsteps. They are all over the place. Shells all over the place. Every tree, the base of the tree is just like, instead of leaves, just cicada shells. So Mark, VO3. VO3.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Wade, you haven't seen anything about VO3? Yeah. Usually games only have two voiceover options for the main character, but now that they're introducing a third, you have more play and know how your character sounds when you're playing these games. It's really cool. Hey, can I show a video here that will give you insight into what we're talking about, Wade?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
is it the influencer impossible challenges one no no i haven't seen that one this is the pharmaceutical commercial 100 gorillas versus one donkey all right wait i want you to see this i tried everything for my depression nothing worked okay great every day felt heavy i felt trapped
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
great great great only positive vibes yeah yeah i actually in in the in the past two days since we last talked i did a full redo of my whole render farm if i take a picture of it afterwards because i didn't take a picture of it during it i'll send it to the editors if i remember a lot of conditions this is never going to happen no one's ever going to see this editors invent a render farm make it look awesome
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
For when your therapist says, maybe you should get a dog. All right, Wade, that was entirely AI generated. I was looking for indications and every now and then like the mouth was a little bit. I didn't know for sure. I mean, obviously someone assembled clips and this is by someone that has made pharmaceutical commercial before, but that was entirely AI generated. Even the voices.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
it was very clean the hand movements were clean i was looking at hands like yeah it was very clean all right so have you seen this one mark i broke into a zoo to prove one man is enough to fight a gorilla welcome to the chernobyl challenge i'm gonna lick this glowing pole let's see how many views this gets
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Yeah, you know, I'm ashamed of laughing, but that was really funny. Yeah, well, so that one has more artifacts that where you can definitely tell it's AI generated than I feel like the one that you showed, Mark. But the content, whoever wrote that one, very funny. Isn't that just Mr. Beast's channel? I will give these five starving people $5 if they do this.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'm a little surprised Mr. Beast never did the counting every grain of sand on a beach challenge. That was kind of his game for a while there. Really, really, actually quite funny. But yeah, that is down to the person putting the prompt in. They are writing the dialogue. But wait, that model generates the video and audio at the same time. And it can...
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
create music as well it can it can do all sorts of stuff i think for the pharmaceutical one they added in music afterwards because they did edit it yeah it seemed to be edited yeah it's uh it's there remember how in an episode like two years ago i said oh this is soon it's gonna be like boom you put in a prompt and then guys at a podcast and like oh and so yeah so it's here is there what did someone make us is our podcast already replaced uh might as well be
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
This is actually generated by VO3 right now. Editors, make my hands look fucking crazy.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Yeah, no, that's pretty wild, the difference between however long ago we talked about that. It's kind of scary. Is it a bad, I'm-getting-too-old take that things are reaching the point where I'm no longer, I'm like, oh, that's so cool, and I'm kind of like...
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
yeah how do you trust video evidence there's a lot of people out there who don't i don't know very much about technology compared to experts there's a lot of people out there who don't know remotely as much as i know about these things oh yeah it seems very dangerous the times we're in as far as that goes like it's really cool but also you think about all the things that could be used for and it's like oh i think that there's definitely concerns for that there's
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'm not so worried, because I think that when it comes down to doing, say, Let's Plays or playing video games, it's so easy already to do. There's no point in making an AI do that. So that, I think, is okay for the time being until you get the ultra-funny, super-incredible AI reaction model. And then it's like, alright, well, here we go. Which will probably come at any time. But...
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It still has some wires across the floor just because of where the electricians put in plugs and the fact that it is a bathroom. But it's a lot cleaner now. It works a lot better. It turns out if you don't shove something up against your air conditioners that you've put in, it's able to breathe and circulate air better. So give those room to breathe. Everything's going.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I think that the saving grace of all this is that Google's servers, I bet, are dying. They charge $250 a month to get access to that. I don't have access to that because I don't feel a need to get that. That probably isn't enough.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
If people are generating the amount of stuff that they are with what I know from how much even generating a picture costs in terms of computational power to do those has got to be like an entire server rack of things just to make one. Do you know it's $250 a month for unlimited generations of things?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Because that would be... Because the people... That's not going to be widely consumed necessarily. That's really fucking expensive. But the people who would pay $250 a month to have access to something like that are going to make so much shit that they're doing that because they're trying to make it their job or... How much of that is like just the AI versus like how much do people have to do?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Like, is there any personal editing or is this just like enter a prompt and that is made? That was text prompting. Like Mark said, the pharmaceutical one seems like it has some editing to sort of finish it because those are clearly separate clips cut together and things. But the one mine was each clip was separate. There was no editing.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
whatever was there was there it was literally someone just typed a guy breaks into a zoo he looks like a fit influencer he's like he says i'm gonna fight a gorilla pan over to the gorilla and then it just makes the whole video that's insane it is it really is um it says 250 a month you get highest level of access to vo3 and then some i don't know what that means it probably means there are limits to your access but you get youtube premium with it oh
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Ooh. Which for those that don't know, everyone always makes fun of it, but YouTube Premium is a great deal. As a YouTuber, I love YouTube Premium. Totally side, I think, but everyone's like, you're all paying for YouTube. And I'm like, dude, it's so much nicer. Plus you get YouTube Music.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
If you're going to pay for a music subscription anyway, it's not by any means like the best one or anything, but it's fine. And back when it was Google Play Music or whatever, and then you got YouTube Red, which
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
when you got google play music it was a good deal i got it for seven bucks a month and i'm still on that plan i think i wish when it first rolled out they had a bounty program like a uh an affiliate program for youtubers if you pushed uh youtube premium for every person that subscribed they would give you 30 and i'm like that's a pretty good trade-off i didn't take advantage of it at all i didn't i didn't do it at all now i'm like god i wish i had done that they forgot to send me that email
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Anyway, yeah, so VO3, the nightmare is here. But yeah, the only saving grace I think is that this has got to be killing everything about Google servers right now. There's no way that this is, they've made it more efficient because generating video like outside of that, I've never done it before, but from what I know, a picture can take so many, a language model can take an entire server.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I got the Leaning Tower of Mac Studios. It's great. What does that mean? When I picture your render farm, don't take offense to this, I picture C-3PO after he got ripped apart and is like in the backpack where all the pieces are there, but there's wires and he's like heads on backwards. That's how it was before. Did I not show you a picture of the before? I'm pretty sure I did.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Video generation is like if you're generating 30 pictures per second for even eight seconds. That's how long the videos you can generate are. That's crazy. It's crazy. So who knows? And just because this is going to come up in the subreddit, we're talking about a specific aspect of this. Yes, we're familiar with the ethical concerns surrounding generative AI.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Yes, we're concerned with the environmental concerns around the computer power usage, the electrical power usage, the impact of... We're just not talking about that in this specific context. Yeah. We do know. And there's an even bigger problem that relates to us as YouTubers because this is Google's model, right? They seem to have the best video AI model so far.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I wonder where they got the videos from. Google, owner of YouTube, I wonder where the hell they got their entire library of videos. Yeah, was it you that said, or someone else said, that if you tell it to make a Let's Play, it just immediately knows to put the camera in the corner. It knows exactly what a Let's Play YouTube video looks like, which is totally normal, totally fine.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It generated actual like Fortnite gameplay. I saw one where it was like Fortnite was playing. It wasn't quite right. The building wasn't logical, but it was literally like moving forward, building, and the entire environment was there. And clearly it had been trained on Fortnite videos to be able to do that. And so there's a huge issue of Google, what the hell?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
You didn't ask anybody for permission to do that. You just took it all. I don't know. I didn't read the terms of service that deeply, but I'm pretty sure buried deep in the terms and services buried very deep. I would be desperately curious to know what it would do if someone put in the prompt Markiplier playing three scary games or something if they kept metadata or if there are terms associated.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Because it might just actually make some weird, bizarro version of you. I have no idea how that works, but that'd be something. It was a good career while it lasted, boys. I'm sure none of these tools will be used to sow any additional discontent in the society in our country that is already struggling violently with what we all believe in our collective morals and decision making.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure nothing bad will come from this. Anyway, you guys want to play a stupid game? Sure. Yeah, good episode. No, that's not what I said. Have you guys ever played the party game Categories? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. It's literally just the game where one person says a category and then you all take turns saying things in that category. And it's things like types of fruit.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Or colors. Or maybe some of the stuff that I came up with that's a little bit more unhinged than some of those. But anyway, we're just going to play categories. And each round, I'm going to start with a category. You guys are going to go back and forth. And you get three strikes. So there's no immediate losses. I'm going to keep track of back and forth if you miss one.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'll buzz you or I'll say something and I'll tell you. What's one strike, two strikes, whatever. Three strikes, you're out. The other person gets the point for the round. And then we move on to the next round.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It's a dystopian, it was a dystopian cyberpunk kind of nonsense thing. If I type server into my phone's pictures, it doesn't come up. And I'm like, why wouldn't that come up? And I'm like, oh yeah, because it doesn't look anything like what they would think a server looks like. What's the search term to find that picture? Post-apocalyptic nightmare rat's nest of wires and...
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
category we all know i'm good at games with memory i'm excited and this in usually when you play this in person it's kind of a speed thing this doesn't have to be that because i'm some of these categories we might need to kind of discuss as a group depending on how creative you guys get with what is inside the category or whatever but anyway i wanted to start with category of times in your life that you're definitely being watched and i'm going to flip a coin and
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And Wadey is the lady. And we did not get the lady. We got the lion creature. Mark goes first. Streaming.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
ah got him baby monitor sure uh spy satellites sex tape you hope any grocery store there's always security cameras at the bank you know where you're not being watched when you're in a grocery store in front of one of the locked like covered protected items and you're hitting the button as hard as you can no one's looking they'll never come they're not looking at you so you're not being watched in that moment
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Is that your answer for times in life you're definitely being watched?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I had a chuckle. I had a chuckle. I just I was concerned that that was your answer also because it was sort of when you're taking a test when you've spilled something on your shirt. Anytime you don't want people to see they look trying to hide a boner. Definitely airport. Sure. When you step into a convenience store with the biggest backpack you can find.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
When you're the clown at the birthday party, because everyone's kind of suspicious of you because you're a clown. And we had that whole clown thing like 10 years ago. So they're like watching you, expecting you to be funny. But also they're like, I hope he doesn't try anything funny, if you know what I mean.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I was going to say, I don't know if the kids necessarily watch the clown these days, but the parents probably do. You're right. You're right. When you're blasting through a red light and there's a red light camera and you look out your window and go... You do that a lot, Mark, Mr. Dangerous Driver? Never. I wish, though. I dream.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
When you live at the end of a cul-de-sac and you do literally anything outside that that stupid nosy neighbor doesn't like and somehow they always are there watching or they're watching through their window, they just know. Anytime, it's like, hmm, you shouldn't have cut that branch down. You shouldn't have done this. You shouldn't have done that.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I really liked that one flower that you accidentally hit with the mower. Walking in the Appalachian Mountains at night. Oh. Expound. It's one of the cardinal rules. Cardinal rules of the Appalachian. Don't open the door. Don't look. Don't walk in the mountains at night, because you're being watched. They're out there. Keep your windows covered. Doors locked.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
If you're walking out there and you hear your name, don't answer. As stupid as it is, those videos actually creep me out, and I hate it. It makes me feel like a moron, because they're all just low-effort, baity things. And you know there's the video of the cameras aimed at the door, and from outside you just hear like,
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It's like your boyfriend's outside just saying your name. And you're just recording it. But also, all the hair on the back of my neck just stood up. I hate you. Because if that did happen, imagine. I'm going to count that. Wouldn't you rock well? Would you expound on that? He sings the song.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Now, Michael Jackson does the chorus, but it's his song. All right. Hmm. I got it. That's all I got. Mark concedes. Do you want that to be one X or all three of your X's? Wait, what are the X's again? You get three strikes. Well, I hope it's just one. It sounded like you were just kind of giving up. No, no, no, no. Just there. Mark has one strike. Mark gives up one strike. Get him, Wayne.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'm like Wade, but with apples. Grab a Vitamin Water today. Copyright 2025. Glasso. Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of Glasso.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
oh there it is let me look up apocalypse oh no results okay uh nest of wires rat king let me look up rat king nope yeah man i can't find this uh it's a mystery apple intelligence my booty well it's working great after the rebuild right no issues Yeah, so you rebuilt it and nothing has gone wrong and it worked perfectly the whole time. Kind of. It's not my fault. Of course it's not.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Theme park. Theme park? There's all kinds of cameras and security at theme parks.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
all right i'm just gonna put this out there i feel like we covered security cameras in public places oh we're not switching categories as soon as i've never placed categories so i have no idea no it's it's the same category until someone's out and then there's like everyone there's a point on the line for the category Oh, okay. Well then, get all three of my exes. Alright. That's what you meant.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Yeah, probably. Okay, singular or plural? Like one word or multiple words? Bad last thing you said out loud. One word or many. However many you say. Wait! I don't know if I'd say that's bad. Why is that bad? Explain it to me. Because they should have waited. Didn't have to be your last words. I'm going to give you an X because I'm unfairly biased against Wade. Mark, bad last words.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
What are you going to do, stab me? See, I laughed. Don't you know that's my rules, Wade? If I don't laugh, I'm biased against you. What would be my likely last word? I know what my last words would be. Is that poo? If you die in a tragic drain accident tonight, we're going to feel so guilty. Don't worry, I'm an expert. I was going to say something similar. Alright, strike two. Is this France?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
You know, classic last word. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Terrible last words, aren't they? It's truly terrible. All right, you counting that? All right, cool. No, I gave him a strike. Strike two. Okay. Is this thing loaded? Sure, sure. Twist and pull! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet I could eat that. Gross, but yes. It's fake. He's crushing me this one. Who's crushing me? Is this Fred? Darker than I thought.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'm in remission. It's 100% safe. Well, I definitely don't trust you now. It's 50% safe. It's 75% safe. I'll take those odds. That's not bad. That's pretty safe. This seems too dangerous. I'm turning back. Alright, the worst she could say is no. It's fine. I read the instructions.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I only had that one too. That was it. That was my... Something smells funny. Nah. A yawn is okay, but that is not. Fine, I'll give Marcus first strike. That's strike three for win. Oh, that definitely makes it fair. Thanks, man. Look, I'm realizing there may have been a flaw in my game design here, so I'm changing the rules. Yeah, you hate me. Why don't you factor that in? You won the first round.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Calm down. It was pretty hard for me not to. He just quit. I now am going to give you a direction in between each round of each of you saying something. So we'll start. You could say whatever you want. And then I will say shorter or louder or with an accent or whatever.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And you know you both have to come up with something in the category and do whatever the fuck I say, because I want it to be more interesting and faster than this. I'm ready. I assume Wade's ready. Marcos, first, things aliens would mistakenly assume are our god after visiting Earth. Ronald McDonald. I almost said the same answer. I was like, oh, good one. The guy from McDonald's.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
A statue of liberty. Sure, sure. Longer. The glorious inventor of Apple, Steve Jobs. Is that what you meant by longer? Yeah, I like that. That's good. Chris Pratt! I really got me. Yeah, no, that was the right idea. Longer.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Very long. I might say that that's tall. Depending on your proof of it. I'm going to give you a strike on that one, but I appreciate it. Wade? Longer. Well, since the 1990s, the amount of time that people have been using the internet for different things has been escalating, escalating, escalating, escalating.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Now everyone has phones, everyone has tablets, everyone has earpieces in their ears, and whenever the aliens come down and they see everyone on their technology all the time, they're like, I wonder where this technology is going, and they're going to see these big towers, and they're going to see people broadcasting different things, and they're like, oh, we're going to hack in and see what all this thing is.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Oh my god, where's all this information we're gathering? It must be the... I really regret the emotion I was doing there, but I wish you would have kept it going. I didn't want to make sure no one finished. One word. Snake. That doesn't mean anything. We're not doing long. Oh, is this France? Alright, as much as I love that, that's another strike, buddy. I'm sorry about that. What was the topic?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Anyway, it's it's good, except one of the things that I dislike is these small, like arbitrary details about computers that, you know, you have to really read the manuals to know or read in depth about reviews and anything. I'm sure a bunch of people know that if you need to populate all of the RAM slots for server grade hardware to run at full performance, it needs all the channels filled.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Aliens? What was it? Things aliens would mistake as our god after visiting Earth. A snake might be there. One word, Wade. Celebrity. It could be plural. That sounded like two words to me. Rectangle. Yeah? All right. One word. Keep it going. Vehicle. Strike. One more. One word. I like this. Porn. That's probably accurate enough. Cows. Corn. Corn? King. Big house, lots of gold jewelry.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Could be a god. They think so. Dog. Nah. Oh, come on. Everybody loves dogs. How is that not one of them? Because my rules are arbitrary and shitty. That's why. Household items that would definitely kill you in the Goosebumps books. Wade is first. Toothbrush. Still one word? No, we're starting fresh. Reset all the filters. Say whatever you want. Definitely a toothbrush. A cursed toothbrush.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
A double basket air fryer. A container of chapstick. I'll give you a strike just on principle for bringing that up. That's a strike. I feel like you know what you did. Mark? Roomba. Oh, definitely. Give it a name brand. Me? No, it's Wade's turn. We're going back and forth, right? What are you? Roomba by Roomba. An iRobot Roomba. I accept Mark's answer. Wade, give it a name brand. Keep going.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Broom by Baskins and Robbins. It's happening. Let's go ahead and call that strike two. Mark, do you know any words? Yeah. Yeah. Ninja creamy. Oh, that one is scary and also gross. Can we have an aside on how gross the ninja creamy is? Can I just say this? It's never creamed anything for me. Not the final product.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
The way it functions, this is completely a thing that no one needs to know, but the way it creamy works, what it does is it turns things that are frozen solid into slushies, effectively. The way it works is you screw a thing full of frozen whatever onto it, and then the blade attaches to the thing and extends out. The pole that the blade attaches to... You don't get to clean that.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
That extends into the cup of stuff and touches your food and then retracts into the device and then you take the blade off of it and you clean the blade. But you don't clean the post that holds the blade. It touches your food. There's just no way that that's sanitary. I have one, and I really like the Ninja Creamy because I can get completely sugar-free dessert things that are kind of ice creamy.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It's good. It's fine. There's no way that that's sanitary, right? There's a metal thing that touches your food. I think you're onto something there. And it's dairy. A lot of it's dairy. Because it's for ice cream. Air quotes. Anyway, that doesn't mean anything. But Ninja Creamy, good brand. Oh, it's me now. I'm going to leave it on brand names, Wade. I want you to succeed at this one.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I think you can do it. A whole chicken by Chicken Man. I might've stolen that from an SNL skit. Yeah, no, I know that's good. Does your man like chicken? Then he might like chicken, man. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. That is not a real brand, but that is a brand name of chicken. A wolf microwave like mine that refuses, that is all touchscreen based. There's no physical knobs.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It's expecting that. So for a while, these have been running with almost all of them full, but not all of them for the ones that have RAM slots. You can't skip any slots? No, yeah. It probably is common knowledge in the server world, but I didn't know this because I'm used to running a PC for desktop reasons. And sometimes for PCs, if you have only half of them filled, it runs faster.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And in the middle of cooking it, it decides to add random minutes at random power levels all the time. Ha!
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
i fucking hate that microwave what the shit i've never heard of that brand it wolf wolf makes a lot of appliances they make stoves and stuff they're higher end brand it's supposed to be nice stuff this stuff sucks i don't like it it all blows and who builds a microwave with only touchscreens when you're jabbing it with dirty fingers and it just shorts the whole panel out don't worry i've got higher end pvc pipe for my shit to flow through i get you yeah get a wolf pipe
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I don't want random power levels for my shit. It'll just randomly flush or not flush, depending on how it feels. All right, no more brand names. Back to Wade. Non-electrical. Oh. A nice, sturdy plastic dustpan. Sure. A nice, sturdy wooden straw-filled boom. A boom. Boom. I thought I had my Baskin-Robbins broom already. Oh, you know what? You're right. Well, this is a new category.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It's the same category. It's just a new subcategory. What? We're still doing household items that would definitely kill you in a Goosebumps book. Oh! I thought this was an entirely new category. I got it. Okay, I see. Sorry, yeah. Same category. This is just directions, in-betweens. So it's still me? Wade's turn. A rug? Would a rug kill you in Goosebumps?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Oh, yeah, it would, like, come alive, like a bearskin rug, or just, like, little ends would strangle you. All right. Couch. Suck you into the cushions. Sure, sure. Smaller. Chair. Nice, good. Okay, that's technically, yeah. Candle. Ooh. Even smaller. Oh, yeah, fire's not electric. I was like, it's fire, you idiot. You can't do that. You dumbass.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Spare change. I could see it. Toothpick. Or the toothpick container. Yeah. Pocket lint. Yeah, that'll do it. Beans. It came from beneath the beans? I remember that one. Car. No, wait. Wait, what did you say? Car? A candy bar. I must have said candy bar. Did you say car out loud? That's a third strike, bud. Yeah, I was like, no, it's big and electrical. Don't say it. Good try, buddy.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I believe in you. I gotta say, I don't know if I said it yet. I am sick today, guys. So, uh, sorry. We did this to you. You make me sick. Things that sound like a government cover-up. Mark goes first. Real things or made-up things? Yeah, you can make stuff up. This is when the good ideas come out. Scary tape. It can't be every time I'm trying to think of kids. On the moon.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
What the fuck would even do this? What would satisfy this? Pass. I want to see what Wade does so I know where to go. I wasn't ready. I was going to see what you did to figure it out. Okay. You know what sounds like a government cover-up? Powdered lightning. It's like Watergate, but different. All right, okay. All right, that's how it goes. All right, all right. I'll throw one out if you want.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I had childproof caps on medicine bottles. That's more descriptive than powdered lightning. I was just going with a name of like a cover-up. You're going with the actual description. Okay, description, description. I mean, you can use as many words as you can think of, all together. Come on, conspiracy bros. What are we doing here? Give me real conspiracies, which we've talked about before.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Because they often sound like government cover-up. MKUltra? I'll allow it. Why was that one not close? What do you want? What are you looking for? Good job, Mark. You did it. Rechargeable car batteries. Why don't they want us to get rid of them? I appreciate the tone. I'm going to give you a strike on that one. Me? No, I gave Mark a strike for your answer. Mark, continue.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
So it's very opposite thinking. But whatever. Doesn't matter. Not important. god damn it will be the death of me because for some reason those management ports just decided to die they they're plugged in just the same they were plugged in before from one switch put them into another switch reset everything reboot everything and then just
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I don't understand the rules. I don't understand the rules. Caps to medicine, but not a car batter? They're shooting stars. They're just to cover up for something. I don't know what, but it's covering something up. Yes, check. Good job. Luigi bro killing the healthcare guy. Oh. Sure, yeah. Half dome. Why is it only half? Where's the other half? The truth will come out someday. The moon.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Uh-huh. Is that an under-the-breath Kool-Aid man reference? Subtle, but I like it. Yellowstone. There's no way Old Faithful goes off that regularly. It's got to be something. Aliens. I just want to see Mark do this more. I'll allow it. Take a look at the planets. Only one of them circled. Why? What's so important about that one? They know. That's classic. That's very clever. Who went first?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Is Mark first? Oh, we're changing? Man, I should really remember these type of things. Well, I was going to give you a direction. Maybe this will help. He went first, then he passed. I said powdered lightning. Oh, yeah, he passed. All right, so yeah, Mark's up. Just, we'll simplify it. One word. Oh, fuck. You only need to think of one word. Santa. Perfect. Conspiracy. Wait, that's the...
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I'm going to go ahead and give that one a strike, bud. I appreciate the effort, though. All right. That's fair, honestly. Don't answer cars next time. What France? How did I simultaneously create a game that's too easy and too hard? Like, the previous rounds went on and on and on and on and on. And then this fucking... God, this must be one of the worst games I've put out for you guys.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
No, no, it's just this particular one is difficult because I'm like, what sounds like a government cover-up? I don't know. You just have to ask yourself, what are they hiding? Pick your favorite word, man. Antarctica. Oh, wow. The come from behind victory pulls it off. All right, Wade, you're on two strikes. Mouthwash. All right, no more one word.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
You can say as many words as you want, but I want the answers to be stupid. Floored, but put it in the water. Stupid. That's what he said he wanted. Damn. That was your answer? Yeah, you said you wanted them to be stupid. How more stupid can it get than saying that back? No. Yeah. No. Yeah. I'm clearly biased against you because that's your third strike. You're out of here.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Unless... Hold on, where's my coin? Oh, God. Oh, God. I think this game should keep going.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
so you are challenging that it's unfair that that ends that specific round that you think you should continue to do i think stupid was a stupid answer well that's true but i wasn't looking for all right so if we get all heads then wade wins if we get all tails then wade loses and it was fair and shall be made doubly fair yes i got tails
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
fails oh damn it turns out it was perfectly right it was the right amount of fair reflip un-unfair fair double dog unfair i appreciate that you tried that way all right well i can't argue anymore the coin is declared that was fair the point is declared that was very fair the fairest possibly fairest of them all i might say
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
never picks up an ip address just cannot do anything i don't get it i don't understand how this stuff is supposed to be smart redundant fail safe it just oh no another another plug i can't do it on a different server i think it's probably because i didn't let go of the fixed ip on the previous device before i moved it over but i've done that before where devices just pick up anyway it's a it's a nightmare
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I haven't felt this way, quite this way about an episode I've hosted since probably the one that was called the worst piece of shit episode ever. And I felt way worse during that episode. But I thought going into this, I thought this was such a good idea. It is a good idea. Why are you feeling like it's bad? No, it needs revamped. This is going to be a good episode. This is my perfect crime.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
We'll revisit this. For now, I'm going to stop torturing Mark. And I'm going to read the points that you both earned. Mark, you earned points for poor Rory. And they did. I'm in California. Talking about VO3 things. Yarn? Snake? Goosebumps? Oh, yawn, not yarn. Floored in the water? You won the government cover-ups round. Wow! Despite how tough that one was for you, you really pulled that out.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Wade, you earned points for, I have a good memory. Somehow still having plumbing issues. Picture of shit, your shit, in parentheses. I was an anal birth. You won the round for places being watched. Point for, is this France? Point for Creed.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
miss pratt point for winning mistaken gods and point for only one planet is circled just saying that one's real the fairest question that anyone possibly ever has raised and i almost just clicked hang up on the call let's not do that hang on all right let's see how many bonus points we get this time oh you have to add one too oh that's right three two good job wait we're on it today i'm on it today man
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Do we have a bonus point for hardest thinker? I don't think so. I don't think we do. Ah, my time. Mark, we do a lot of philosophy, you know, and Mark just really applied himself today. So I want to recognize. Game recognize game. So first of two spins. Point four viewer. Oh. Sudden death. It's a tie. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. We've never seen that one pop up.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
This takes us directly to spinning the tie wheel then, right? This ends the game officially as a tie. I have a chance! Damn. Man, imagine if that had come up on an episode where one of us was like 12 points ahead of the other one. I feel like that happened this episode. I don't know. I got a lot of strikes. No, you guys were... Strikes didn't cost you anything. That's the thing.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
You're allowed to get strikes. I didn't like them. I haven't seen the winner's wheel in a bit. Hey, it's all set up. I need to increase this one, I think. It's currently at 72. We've not seen this in so long, I forget. It's out of 360 degrees, right? So 72 divided by 360 is 20%. So yeah, I need 0.22 of 360 is 79.2 is what this says. So 79 we'll say. Oh man, that's big.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Man, look at how big that is. Well, I hope one of you wins. Hooray. You want to bet it all on red? Oh, thank God. Yes. Oh, there is a God. Oh, I already used unfair. Spin again. Respin, respin, respin. All right. Mark is the winner. Hey, wait, it says Wade right now. Fucking who cares?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
All I care about is thank God the next person has to do 20, almost a one in four chance of getting the one man show. Mark, just imagine you won the one man show with like a 16% chance before. Yeah, yeah. How lucky. Well, you are lucky because you are today's winner. I am. And so let's get out of the way. Wade, give us a loser speech. You know, I really came in here giving it my all.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I know that you know that you could pay someone to do that, but there's a part of my brain that would love to see you like, like find an it consultant or something and be like, I just need you to come. I have the setup and they walk into your bathroom and they're just like,
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I tried to think outside of the box, but it turns out inside the box is where I should have been. I should have avoided stupid, I should have avoided friends, and I should have avoided my underpants, but here we are. Shit got real. Just like the shit in your basement. I do have to... I want to acknowledge and apologize, Wade. I am very clearly biased against you.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I don't know if there's anything I can do to fix it, but I'm just going to try and acknowledge it publicly more so that the subreddit knows that I know. It's okay. I've got this. I'm going to continue to favor Mark pretty aggressively. Mark, you won! Fair and square. The wheel said it should be so, and so it should be. Give us a speech. So when it comes down to winning, I'm the winner.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And when winners win, they win well. And I win well and I will win well in the future. And when I win again, I will remember that Wade did not win. Wade was not a winner. A winner wasn't Wade. Who wrote that speech for you? Someone. That was too good for you. Just assume that was way too many words. He could not possibly. I've heard you wordsmith, and that was too many wordsmiths wording for you.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Anyway, congratulations, Mark. Mark is going to host the next one. And congratulations to whoever has to spin the wheel of winners, because it's going to be 24% next time on the one man show. Check out Mark and Wade at their usernames on the Internet, which are generally below. They're on the bottom. They're on there. So if you're not a watcher, I'm not going to spell them for you anyway.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
So just search for, you know, whatever. Bald Settlers of Catan. You'll find Wade. Thank you so much for watching. Thanks so much for listening. Just like I favor Mark, I always favor the watchers. And like we always say, podcast out.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
oh god oh no oh and like they like pull out their laptop and plug in and they're like looking through the software they're just like oh god i'm sure it's fine but i'm sure a professional would there's not even people who build pc like just towers there's so much shit that if they looked at the way i did it and i think i do it i mean it works i've never had a pc that didn't work got all the specs i wanted out of it they would still probably just vomit out their entire
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
lungs at what i did i can only imagine for server shit what kind of things there are that you would have no idea about there actually is a guy uh with burning tractor which is the vfx company i work with um they have this guy rory there who is their it guy and so he he has worked miracles for never actually stepping foot inside the server room but every time i do something i swear to god he's i see on discord that rory is typing stop rory is typing stop rory is
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And I know it's like, stop fucking it up. You fucking delete. How dare you delete? I know that's what's going on. I know he's doing that. But, you know, what could you do? I think that's very relatable. We've all been there with our server farms. I think we've all been there with fucking up networking.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I mean, I miss the days when it was just like you have your modem from the internet company, and I still managed to fuck that up, so what was I thinking having a whole farm?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Yeah, well, it doesn't make me feel good that you're doing all this shit, and this is pretty high-tech stuff, and it's a complicated system with lots of different... And I have felt exactly the way that you feel, but it's been me on my home Wi-Fi with a modem and a router... And like one smart device being like, oh, no, I connected you to the you were on the Wi-Fi and now you forgot.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And like, but it's just me with like one light bulb being like, why won't you be blue fucking light bulb? But it doesn't make me feel good that I've been there. But with, you know, kind of a different scale of technology, kind of different. But it's all just like that, man.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
It's weirdly applicable because the things I've learned are actually like, in the IT world, they're like common knowledge for, oh no, there he goes. He had it with our tech talk.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
wade speaks for the subreddit uh but it's common knowledge apparently in it land but you know if you want your home network to work better virtual networks are the way you create a sub network just for your devices and internet of things and then you create specific rules that those connect to each other and then to your other virtual network where you operate your normal internet connection so it's separated and you don't have any cross traffic from that one and your network what the fuck are you talking about yeah don't don't do it i
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I tried to do a VLAN. I took down my whole network for two days. Don't touch the VLAN button. I'm not going to. There's a part of me that's like, oh, that would be so sick, though. Because then there wouldn't. No, it would not be sick. It would be awful. It would be like taking another full time 40 hour a week job at a thing I don't know how to do. And I don't need that in my life.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I prefer the method of I'm essentially stacking up a tower of electronics and devices, and then I take my hands off. And if it works, I just am like, no one touch it. Don't fucking unplug anything. Or I swear to God, because if you unplug one thing, the whole tower collapses. And I don't know how to fix that.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
The tower is still standing right now for me, but our ISP randomly without warning or without telling us just stopped giving us internet at like two in the morning the other week. And so all of my security cameras, the baby monitor, all this shit just went offline all at once. And I looked and I was like, oh, it looks like our modem says there's no service. It's probably not my fault.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Then I proceeded to spend two hours just being like, okay, what did I fuck up? Okay, let me look at the router. Oh, God. It wasn't me. I just couldn't believe it wasn't me because it's always me. We've all been there, servers and baby monitors. I relate to you guys. Wait, are you still using the router that Mark set up for you in 2014? Did I set a router up for you? I don't know.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I just assume I feel like I feel like everything in Wade's life. He's like, oh, I still use the same microphone. Mark actually brought this to me, set it on my desk, plugged it in and set it up. And I just haven't touched it or moved it. I've moved like three times since 2014. I hope it's not the same router.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I just assume you bubble wrap your whole desk set up and moved it all on a one big palette. And you're like, Mark set this up. I don't know how any of it works.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
oh no no no even my desk had to be disassembled to move because the leggies not the leggies the leggies had to come off anyway wade ground us ground us in small talk oh you go to your room and don't come back out till you can think about what you've done oh i'm gonna think about it you think about what you're gonna say for small talk All that.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Well, listen, you guys will talk about relatable issues that keep reoccurring.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
You ever just spend thousands and thousands and thousands on plumbing and then you leave for a week, you come back and I don't know, the three fucking bears must have visited your house while you were gone and all used your power flush and somehow broken the goddamn basement plumbing again to where the little drain near your water heater has poo coming out of it.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
you mean the exact issue that you just had them cut open cement in your basement floor and replace of all your toilets in the entire house and all that that issue that they fixed by doing that yeah yeah now the shower and the water heater drain both are like well if you flush of course i'll here have it back do you recycle it must be the system they set up
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Everything we do, I am like, please, just do it right. Tell me how expensive it is to do it right. Whatever it takes, just do it right. Don't want an issue. I don't want the cheap fix. I don't want the temp fix. I want the, you know what? We should have done this from the start. Let's fix it. You'll never have to worry again. It's up.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
fucking pipe that goes to a sewer how hard could it be to get it right apparently they installed it backwards can you install a pipe backwards i thought the flow could go either way apparently not it's like a goddamn meadow bucket that one side's the catch and then it's all there sloshing around until it's overfilled and the meadows are swimming back up it's like a video game the guy was standing over the pipe and there's a big arrow that's like and he was all
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Ooh, which way does this need to go? I'm tired of poop. My car is still at a random port. Don't know which one, by the way. And my house is full of shit. Man, you know what will fix that? You guys shouldn't move again. We've talked about it.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Hello and welcome back to Distractable, your congressperson's favorite podcast. I assume. Probably. I'm your host, Bob. I am the host because I won the last one because that's the way this show works. We all three compete. Well, two of us do. Anyway, one of us hosts. And whoever between the two competitors wins hosts the next one. It is a right and an honor and a duty.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
point where we're like if we get a good year at any place one year away from the pain is it worth it yeah i gotta admit you know my all my troubles are self-inflicted the rest of the house usually works fine we had some rats i think once and then the air conditioner kept breaking but yeah they went in i did the thing for the air conditioner was like i'll just fix it from the get-go make it good and they're like we will and they did
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
oh i've never my stories have never ended like that yeah i know and they did speaking of air conditioner ours is working but i'm concerned because every week it feels like in order to maintain a temp i have to lower it more than i want to to maintain like two degrees higher that's not a good sign so originally our ac was set to like 73 we were pretty comfortable then it was 72 it's down to like 70 degrees and i'm still like man it's a little warm in here
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
That is a very bad sign. That's happened to me before, right before our AC stopped working in the middle of the summer. Yeah, it's also not hot. It's warm enough that, yeah, you want the AC on when it gets hot because it gets up into the 70s, close to 80. But it's not hot.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
When it gets actually hot and humid, you're going to have to set that bitch on 60 degrees to keep it at a non-suffering temperature. Didn't you just get that replaced? I thought you just had your whole HVAC thing. Last year. How long do those last? Nine months? Apparently, my birthday was the anniversary of my one-year anniversary to having it installed.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Because my birthday is whenever it had to be fucking fixed! Well, they are only supposed to last one year, so really, you shouldn't complain. Aw, babe. It's our HVAC-iversary. I just... I go with the companies that have the best ratings, the best reviews, the best track record of... I had this fixed 30 years ago and it's still good to this day. This company is great. And everyone says that.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And then I get something and they're like, Is this a screwdriver? No, it looks like a wrench. Okay. And somehow, that's what they apparently do. They send the monkeys with tools that are like, and throw shit. They throw feces. The feces blocks up my pipes. They come back up. It's like, oh, somehow the shit's gotten in your air conditioning unit. This is your fault, sir.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
You gotta replace the whole fucking thing. How does shit get in the AC unit? I don't know, because I guess this wrench is actually a screwdriver. It's actually a power drill, which is actually... We don't...
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
can do anything i gotta say guys just collectively this was a funny bit for a while but years and years of wade having plumbing issues seems like kind of milking it six years it's been like six years change change themes have an electrical issue uh maybe your roof leaks like pick a
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
pick something up move on from plumbing man like come on now you're paying these guys to sabotage all this stuff see this is is this even happening do we have any actual proof that any of this is real or is wade just like making up stories i bet he's at a car this whole time do you want a picture of the turd covered drain yes i would love to see a picture of your recycled shit juice
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
I will go take one and text it to you, too, if you want to see it. I dare you. I double dog. I don't know if I believe you. I'm just going to leave it there. I don't know if I believe you. Mark. Mark changes. Mark has lenses. There's drama with lenses. Mark has a server farm. There's drama with the server farm. Mark makes a movie. There's drama with the movie. He keeps it fresh.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
Fighting for the duty today, we have the only two other guys who are ever here, Mark and Wade. Hello. Hello. Maybe I shouldn't say hi, but I won't dock you points yet. I do have a game. I have a topic. It's a game. I'll give that away. But before we get into that, we always start with small talk.
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
And I appreciate that about you. Your fake made up life stories are, you know, they stay interesting, you know?
Distractible
Bob's Small, Even Dumber Word Game
gotta keep it interesting for the podcast we're basically just ai this is definitely a simulation oh we haven't even talked about vo3 oh yeah did we not talk yeah wait show us show us your shit picture i'll give you a point for it i texted it dude you want me to show it on camera come on come on show us Come on, show it on camera. Wow. Oh, man. Oh, God, you live with that?
Distractible
More Broken News
everywhere online the practicality of that is the part where it completely falls apart for me i don't do anything online that if if the public found out somehow i would be ashamed of or would be illegal i'm not like ordering heroin off of the silk road or whatever i don't not worry about it you know about the silk road i don't want them all to know that
Distractible
More Broken News
I don't want the advertisers to be able to target specifically based on what individual things I click on or hover over. That level of data mining, I have no faith it would be secure from anyone, and that would be terrible for people on the internet.
Distractible
More Broken News
In the similar vein, there's a darker idea that if they knew who you were and what you were watching, they would be able to determine people that might be but not out in the openly gay. I said that terribly. I said that horribly. But it would allow government institutions or companies to identify people's sexual orientation based on what they watch.
Distractible
More Broken News
And, you know, that by itself isn't bad, but depending on the people who have that information and have certain opinions about others' sexual orientation or otherwise... Could be very extremely excessively bad. So, like, the bad sides are pretty bad. The good sides are limited. Wade, in the field, how are you feeling that hurricane? It's real blowy. It's real bad.
Distractible
More Broken News
Thankfully, it's all straight out here. There's none of that gay wind blowing around. Not sure what transition you wanted with the hurricane, but it's the one you get. That is one hell of a data point for them to suss out on your personal internet record. I'll tell you what. The personality analysis algorithms are going to be confused. We did say there's none of the gay wind.
Distractible
More Broken News
I say we get him. Elmo needs to know his next move. Elmo needs to know right now.
Distractible
More Broken News
whoa okay that's for a second i thought that was going in a different direction nope oh is it a heart is it sweet at all this is probably a hoax or uh made up bullshit but i have a picture here that you'd probably hate to see the worst part is even that there's candy you should avoid the chunky at all costs soup you can suck on so And they're keeping track of who's sucking.
Distractible
More Broken News
They know who the suckers are and who the blowers are. Yeah. Out to you in the face. Wherever you are. Not me this time. I'm in studio. I can't tell if this is real or not, though. It's I'm finding things that don't look like jokes about this. Really? Oh, no. If you go to progressosoupdrops.com, which seems to be actually affiliated with Progresso, maybe. Oh, it says they're sold out.
Distractible
More Broken News
A New York Post has article calling them nasty as hell. Oh my God. It says we're super sorry, but don't stew. Go check back next Thursday at 9 a.m. Eastern. That, I, there's, that can't be real. Apparently, well, apparently real. Out in the field, I'm hearing rumors that this may in fact be real. Wow, that's tragedy.
Distractible
More Broken News
After trying one of the hard candies, I can tell you I've been intentionally trying to get COVID ever since. I never want to taste again. Back to you.
Distractible
More Broken News
I am killing it out here. Oh, man. It seems real. It seems real, unfortunately. It really does. Someone said, isn't that just bouillon, which is a good point, because you could suck on a bouillon cube. No, but bouillon is like gross and melty. Like it turns into like gritty.
Distractible
More Broken News
If it's not in enough liquid to dissolve properly, I haven't actually done this, but I assume from the texture, it dissolves quickly. It's not like hard candy texture. You have a Jolly Rancher or something. It doesn't go away, right? When you take a bite of soup, you're like, taste it, goes away. And maybe you have a soup aftertaste.
Distractible
More Broken News
This is like you have a mouthful of soup you can't swallow, right? And it's not warm or refreshing like soup. No, it's like tepid soup. Do you think it's like Starburst or something where they're going to have like, oh, I've got chicken noodle soup. Gushers. I've got broccoli cheddar. I've got mystery flavor. It's got a little soup in the middle and it explodes when you chew it. Oh, God.
Distractible
More Broken News
Watch them actually be the most delicious thing of all time. And we're all wrong. I cannot imagine how this tastes. I have no concept of this is actually good or something. I will say I'm looking, I've been reading, scanning over articles by like people like food network articles and people who taste test things. And that's their job. And none of the articles has anywhere in it.
Distractible
More Broken News
And I ate it and it tasted really good. All the articles are just like, Progresso says it tastes just like soup. Perfect. And that's it. So I don't know if that means they couldn't get them or that they tried it and they were like, oof, let's leave the review out of it. We don't want to make Progresso angry at us.
Distractible
More Broken News
inventors out there make it happen are you hunters inventors oh i thought you said hunters you sure you didn't say hunters i guess hunter inventors i heard hunters pretty sure i said inventors out there roll it back inventors out there all right i'm really rationing out this paper i feel like i'm in a fever dream right now why what's wrong I don't know.
Distractible
More Broken News
I will say, though, like at least the hard candy variety, something about it being chewy or like gum would be worse in my brain than a hard candy. It's like the shape of a piece of chicken, but it like doesn't. It's like chewy. Just keep chewing it. I feel like I'm going through the five stages of discovering a new food thing that I hate because I'm right now I'm in my head.
Distractible
More Broken News
I'm like, yeah, I should try it. I should check back next Thursday. For everyone listening to this, it's a different Thursday. You'll never get it right. Yeah, we're way in the future. You don't even know. You'll actually know you have psychic powers if you get a weird feeling on Thursday at 9 a.m. that you need to do something, but you don't know what. You'll know.
Distractible
More Broken News
You want soup, but also it's wrong. You'll know. All right, moving on. Champagne sales sinking drastically, dramatically, because apparently nobody wants to celebrate anything. Weirdly enough, like there are many things that are like happiness indexes in the world. I've never considered champagne sales as an indicator of happiness, given that it's an inversely related to it.
Distractible
More Broken News
Do you think land in Champagne, Italy is like really cheap right now too? Should we invest? I'm sorry, where's Champagne located? Italy, France. I meant France is what it meant. Live, Wade's live from Champagne, Italy. How's that there? This is where we stop the grapes. Hey guys, there's a sign here, but no buildings.
Distractible
More Broken News
There's no bottling whatsoever, no champagne, just this sign behind me that says, welcome to Champagne, Italy.
Distractible
More Broken News
There is some graffiti on the sign that says, forget about it. I was going to laugh, but the yawn intercepted it. I'm so sorry. I was honestly going to laugh. Forget about it. Very, very funny. Very funny. Bob, thoughts?
Distractible
More Broken News
Like, not that I don't empathize with the notion that there is less and less people might be excited about to celebrate in general in the world, the way things have gone and are going. But I also wonder if this is generational. Because I feel like, for me, my thought is definitely like, oh, it's New Year's. We should make sure we have champagne. Or, oh, it's like, it's my birthday party.
Distractible
More Broken News
We should... make sure we have champagne for everybody. We'll do a toast. But I wonder if that's like generations younger than us are moving away from an interest in that because I don't know. It just seems kind of played out. I feel like that's one of those things where, you know, stuff comes and goes and champagne has kind of had its moment.
Distractible
More Broken News
And so now it's like, people are just like, ah, just cheers, whatever drink, drink what you like. You know, why do you, why do you have to drink champagne? I'd rather have a whatever Manhattan. I'll just try. I'll just do a cheers with whatever I am drinking.
Distractible
More Broken News
I usually have to do a cheers with a bottle of water. I'm back. I'm back. Hello? Oh, yes.
Distractible
More Broken News
Hey, I'm coming to you from about 90 miles east of Paris in Champagne, France. Just arrived, and I gotta tell ya, spirits down here are way down, and I don't just mean because of the alcohol. What I mean is people are drinking Heinekens. They're crying. They're selling their land. No one's popping bottles. Everyone's smashing them. The scene is tragic. Is Heineken a sad beer?
Distractible
More Broken News
Is Heineken a French beer? It is in champagne, Bob. Wade, you... I mean, they definitely have Heineken in France. It's kind of an everywhere beer, but...
Distractible
More Broken News
He's up for a Pulitzer, which I think is about writing and not a Pulitzer. Pulitzer? Hardly even Nullitzer.
Distractible
More Broken News
no points for that okay speaking of celebrating and or not celebrating tiktok it's schrodinger's talk at the moment we don't know if it's alive or dead the 180 on tiktok has been such a fascinating social experiment in the 36 hours leading up to tiktok going dark it like went offline early right like it was supposed to be at midnight on the night of like the 19th or something or whatever
Distractible
More Broken News
And it went offline at like 11 and it just had a message popped up that was like, sorry, the 180 is crazy. In the 36 hours leading up to it, people were like, this is our land. We claim this app. I will never leave TikTok. I will die here. TikTok goes away. I go away. And then like it was gone for like less than 24 hours. It's like 18 hours or something.
Distractible
More Broken News
It came back on and everyone looked at it for a second and was like, I don't love this. What the fuck? What the, who the fuck are you? What is this? And to be fair, there are some pretty staggering differences for how short it was offline.
Distractible
More Broken News
You guys were just having two separate conversations with yourselves. And I was just in the middle, like unsure which one to engage with, but like neither of them was directed at me. So I wasn't, I wasn't really supposed to engage with either. My brain was just like, Do we not listen? Is this rude? Are we eavesdropping? I'm going to give you a politeness point because that was great.
Distractible
More Broken News
And there's definitely some stuff that stands out, including a very weirdly sweet thank you note to Trump, who was not yet president when it happened for saving TikTok and all that. But like the 180 was so hard to, From like, TikTok is my soul to, oh, this is, TikTok is the enemy now. It's like, not hard to understand, but really interesting to see everybody.
Distractible
More Broken News
Everybody just turns back on and it's like, It is fascinating because when it was announced that it might be banned for realsies, you saw a ton of people on TikTok jumping ship and going to an app called Red Note. Have you heard of that? Yes. Isn't it? It wasn't. It's a Chinese app. It's that's basically a TikTok clone.
Distractible
More Broken News
It wasn't in English and still like a large parts of it are not in English because it's it's not for us. It's for like people in that market who all speak Mandarin or whatever language it's in.
Distractible
More Broken News
i looked at it i downloaded red note i thought about it i decided to stay with my tiktok spy instead of getting a new red note spy that's where i'm at right now i see uh wade out in the field been interviewing jen's ears all day long what are the thoughts what are your feelings
Distractible
More Broken News
Well, I'm coming to you live from TikTok HQ, which is located here in Beijing, Singapore, and Los Angeles somehow all at once. It's been mad out here. TikTok was feeling very blue, but now they've got red in their eyes. Red banners have been coming down all day. Jinzeers were saying, bring it back, bring it, take it back, take it back. It's been a wild time out here.
Distractible
More Broken News
Red note going blue, TikTok going red. Back to you, wherever you are. All right. Thank you. Incredible reporting from Bob Myskins in the field, able to traverse the time and space to be in all those headquarters. I had other thoughts. I don't remember them.
Distractible
More Broken News
This is old news now, but can I just say that the CEO of TikTok sitting in front of the congressional panel and repeatedly just going, Senator, I'm from Singapore. And the guys just be like, OK, but are you Chinese? And he'd be like, I am from Singapore. But are you also Chinese? Singapore is not China. I am Singaporean. Is that Chinese in nature? It's like, what the hell is this conversation?
Distractible
More Broken News
I hope the same senator that asked Mark Zuckerberg if he could help fix their internet was there. Like, I understand you're from Singapore, but my constituents need better internet. Can you help them? Might have been the same guy for all I know. Probably.
Distractible
More Broken News
It was just a fascinating exchange of one man desperately trying to explain one piece of information and a panel of idiots asking the same question repeatedly. Not understanding. Are you American, Chinese, or Russian? I'm from Singapore. That's not what I asked. Sounds pretty Russian to me. In other news, not political, probably. Rats get a taste for drugs in Houston Police Evidence Room. Ooh.
Distractible
More Broken News
Yes, apparently. I don't know if this is a ratatouille situation where they're piloting police into the evidence room and then making them stuff drugs into their hats, or if they're actually breaking in. I haven't read the article. I'm just reading the title. Thoughts? Sounds like some cool rats to me. Holy shit. Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean it. I'll tell you.
Distractible
More Broken News
I ain't been dropping no eaves, sir. What's that from? It's Samwise. When Ganondorf pulls him out from being hiding under the window there. Oh, it's Lord of the Rings. All right. Fair. Very fair. Extremely fair. These guys are Bob and Wade. They are going to be participating in my adventure today. But introduce yourselves first.
Distractible
More Broken News
Rats could never be cool. I would never think that. That sounds terrible. What? Holy shit. What's happening? I actually opened the article and I was just like, holy shit. Police department officials lament, quote, systemic problems and say rats, quote, enjoying 400,000 pounds of marijuana in storage. I have two questions. How many rats were there? Why do they have 400,000 pounds of marijuana?
Distractible
More Broken News
I don't know. Personally, I've never been in an evidence room or whatever, but I have a general notion about this sort of thing. It does not surprise me that an evidence room at a police station or whatever, the evidence lockers, would be the kind of place where you would also potentially have rats. Because it's storage, right?
Distractible
More Broken News
It's like guns and stuff, but also it's mostly like paperwork and pictures and... not terribly interesting things, but important pieces that might need to be used at trial or whatever, right? So it's just like storage with a very high level of security. Padlock. Why do police departments store huge amounts of drugs?
Distractible
More Broken News
Marijuana is different because it is legal now to like have that, but I don't think, I don't think it's legal to import it illegally or to have 400,000 pounds of it or however many pounds a person might have and traffic it and then be like,
Distractible
More Broken News
wait and then start doing it legally i think those are illegal drugs why don't they destroy them i feel like the cops are just like well we'll just hold on we're not gonna it's it's illegal right but we'll just hold on to this because it's pretty valuable I'm trying to contextualize this because even I can't wrap my head around how many, like, bricks of marijuana it probably is.
Distractible
More Broken News
Because, you know, they probably wrap it in, like, the standard drug duct tape, like, brick, right? And it's usually a kilogram, right? I think that's usually what it is because it's leaves. Yeah, they go kilograms to pounds. Okay. So this is... 400,000 pounds is 181,000... 436. 181,000 kilograms. If they were on pallets... And so that's 181,000 one kilogram bricks of marijuana.
Distractible
More Broken News
You can fit, and I did cereal boxes because it's the only thing that I could think would actually have evidence of how many would fit on a pallet given a cereal box is like probably roughly similar dimensions. It's gotta be close. You can fit about a hundred cereal boxes on a pallet. What? No, more. That can't be right. Wait, no. That can't be right. Wait, no. Six. All right.
Distractible
More Broken News
Six by 12 by four is the box, right? And you got a 48 by 40 pallet. You can fit auto assigning it load height. You do 10 layers of it. Yeah, that looks good. One kilogram has dimensions of eight and a half inches by 11 inches by two and a half inches, if that helps. The mark was close. 240 packages per pallet of that size, which is about as much as a brick.
Distractible
More Broken News
181,000... Oh, let me bust out my calculator. 181 000 divided by 240 that's 754 standard pallets of marijuana it's a big fucking evidence room they got down there what the hell these pallets stacked end to end would be 3 000 feet long almost two-thirds of a mile is this the same police force that ordered 300 machine guns or whatever it was No, that was a small police department.
Distractible
More Broken News
hi this is bob hi i'm wade i'm bald that's the only thing about me bob how about you any interesting facts about you yeah i'm bob i have a weird thing on my counter behind me that looks like a grenade with a sexy leg up in a triangular pose what's happening This? I have been staring at it all day. Leg up in a sexy pose? This is Lixian.
Distractible
More Broken News
Yeah, it's those guys. It's three guys. One of them likes the guns and one of them likes the giant warehouse full of marijuana. We need a parking garage that's like 18 stories. Are there only like six of you? Trust me, we need this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Distractible
More Broken News
The slightly blurry visual I've had of the tiny square, I swear to you, the entire day I've been wondering if that's a grenade with a sexy leg. I'm just going to leave it in grenade pose, I guess. It doesn't look as much grenade-y now, but it looked very grenade-y with like a big nice leg. I just can't imagine a world where a gray stuffed figure like that looks like a grenade.
Distractible
More Broken News
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . . .. a en P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實... , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and in Pakistan.
Distractible
More Broken News
Welcome to the world of my mind. It sounds scary. I don't like it. I'm Bob. Hi, Bob. I'm bald. All right, so I'm confused as to who's who because the scoring is going to get real weird here. As Wade, I would just like to say that you should give all of Wade's points to Bob. Okay, hold on a second. You're Wade. I got all Wade's points to Bob. Wade says give all of Wade's points to Bob.
Distractible
More Broken News
Wade agrees with Bob. Yeah, Wade agrees with Wade. But he's Wade. You're Bob. We're Wade. We are Wade. We are Wade. Anyway, I'm not awarding any points for that until we clear that up. But before we clear it up, clear up your lives. What's wrong with them? Clear him up. I have a new thing.
Distractible
More Broken News
Have you ever waited years for something and just thought it was going to be just really exciting and then been just so thoroughly whelmed by it? You're unsure how you actually feel about the thing. This is not sponsored. I bought this with my own money. I've been waiting for this keyboard. I ordered this, I think, in 2022. It feels like it's been for fucking ever.
Distractible
More Broken News
This is a keyboard by a company called work louder, not sponsored, not affiliated. And I was, when I ordered it, I was like, Oh my God, that looks awesome.
Distractible
More Broken News
It has its own little Tamagotchi creature that lives on a screen on the side of the board. It's not bad, but it's also not good. And I feel really sad. Like, I'm not mad at it. It works fine, mostly as advertised. It's got a different key spacing, and so I've had to, like, relearn how to type on it, but I like it, kind of. Anyway, I don't know. Very confusing.
Distractible
More Broken News
This is my main keyboard that I use on my main computer most of the time. It just makes me sad. Does that make sense? Yeah, I'm whelmed alongside you. It's very whelming. Wait, who do I give this to? Oh, gosh. Wade's points go to Bob. Okay, all right, I got that. That's really sad.
Distractible
More Broken News
I was going to make a zinger about, you know, the Cybertruck or something or people still waiting for the Tesla Roadster, which was promised like six years ago. Yeah, that's totally good. That's coming. And people put put deposits down for. They're just hoping that people forgot at this point. That was so long ago. Night's the Old Republic remake. Someone was working on it.
Distractible
More Broken News
Star Wars or Disney shut it down and like we're making our own. Still waiting on that. Apparently there was a Grand Theft Auto thing where someone had remade Vice City, like which I think is what Miami. They had remade like Miami in one of the games and then as like as a mod. Apparently that was recently just like out of nowhere shut down and disappeared.
Distractible
More Broken News
A lot of disappointing things going on apparently. Oh, man, it can't be that disappointing. Or disappointing. However, you know what's not? I talked to Piano Man Dan yesterday. Yeah. For the first time in a while. We chatted. He was streaming, playing some music. That boy plays the saxophone now. What? I got him to do the Careless Whisper saxophone. It was beautiful.
Distractible
More Broken News
Good 12.01 a.m. to all of you loyalists of listeners and viewers out there who waited until this episode releases, which for some reason releases at midnight. That's not our choice. That is a... Oh, that was an interesting bleep you just said. Yeah, you're probably right. You're probably right.
Distractible
More Broken News
I bet that's never come up, streaming on Twitch, playing saxophone. Probably not, but I got there. No, people wanted Sax Man, which I think is the... Oh, yeah. I think that's what people usually ask for with that. I felt pretty original. Did anyone request Yakety Sax? Because that's what I would like to hear.
Distractible
More Broken News
Not while I was there, but I did hop into a call with him, and I asked him an important question. Medusa, right? Head, snake hair. Does the carpet match the tree? And if it does, armpit hair, toe hair, is it all snakes? Has Dan slept with Medusa? Is this a thing he knows? Yeah, why does Dan have insight on this? Well, he didn't, but he was like really nice and innocent.
Distractible
More Broken News
He was avoiding saying words. He was like, I'm not going to say curse words. I'm not even going to say the word boobies. And so I opted to call it. Of course, the first thing I had to do was try to corrupt the poor guy. So I asked him this question. Okay, well, I'm sure that guy's actually secretly corrupted beyond all of our imagination, so I don't think you need to do anything about that.
Distractible
More Broken News
Probably, but it felt good to pose the question. Yeah, did you know he wrote the theme music for a porn website? I forgot about that. That's true. That's still one of the best stories of all time. I love that so much. What? You know that story, Mark? No. I think it was while we were on tour and he told the story. And it was like you were busy because you were always busy doing shit.
Distractible
More Broken News
You were doing soundcheck or something with your guitar. And we were all just sitting around. And I don't think this is secret or private anymore, but maybe this will be a very long leap. Anyway, Dan told the story about he writes, he writes music, right?
Distractible
More Broken News
And he writes, he licenses it as like royalty free music, which on sites where you can like pet, you buy a license and use it in your YouTube video or whatever. And apparently, um, one of the things he wrote was like this really cool, like drum beat kind of thing, like really good.
Distractible
More Broken News
really cool and a website had purchased a license to use it once they purchased like a cheap license for it and then they used it for their main like title sequence and this website was a porn website so it was a website with thousands of videos where at the beginning of each video was like 15 seconds of like the sweet titties.com and then dan's music just be like don't do
Distractible
More Broken News
And apparently he didn't know this. And he discovered at some point that they had bought the incorrect license and used this song like thousands of times. And he had to go through and document each video in which his music was used because he had to make like a spreadsheet of like, here's all, here's what you've used.
Distractible
More Broken News
Here's what you paid me for that you owe me for all of these other uses or otherwise you're violating my copyright. Right. So you're stealing this because he was like, that's they would owe me a lot of money. They use my song a ton and I'm just trying to get them to pay for their usage. So Dan watched and categorized into a spreadsheet thousands of porn videos.
Distractible
More Broken News
It's the most brilliant way to get away with watching porn of all time.
Distractible
More Broken News
so funny because if you know him let's like wait describe right he's like the purest soul you've ever met and even telling the story he was like so embarrassed and we were just like damn this is the funniest fucking thing that's ever happened that's amazing and he's like it's not amazing i don't like it so fucking funny but anyway i just remember i for the long time afterwards i would just randomly be like smack
Distractible
More Broken News
Cause it was, it was like a drum beat and it had like hits. And on every hit was like a, a smash cut to like boobs. Ah, God, I don't even remember the website's name because I'm sure they're still out there somewhere where you could find. It's fair. Dan, love you. And I hope that those porn people paid you your money. Shout out to you, Dan. Music is code. Music is code is his Twitch handle.
Distractible
More Broken News
Guess who gets the segue point? Probably me, Wade. You get the porn segue, whoever you are. Wade, you give all my points to Bob. Okay.
Distractible
More Broken News
I don't even know how to argue this anymore, man. I feel like this is just the 2025. I'm just riding the wave.
Distractible
More Broken News
Occasionally, in the wide, wide world, there are events that occur in our lives, and it's our job as the number one news station in reporting truth and facts to make sure that people get an unbiased opinion of everything that's going on in the world. Porn was the segue? Yes. Okay, just wanna make sure. VPN sign-ups skyrocket in face of porn bans in specifically red states.
Distractible
More Broken News
If you didn't know, hypocrisy abound. Porn very bad, but the states that are banning it are seeing unprecedented levels of VPNs accessing porn to this day. Discuss! Apparently, it's gone beyond people now. Hmm? What? It's gone into like air and water bending because we have the red sea and blue sky. It's getting crazy out there. Not just red and blue states.
Distractible
More Broken News
did i just miss five minutes of conversation or back to you in the studio bob how do you throw it back to yourself in the studio i met wade oh thanks bob i george wade barnes just want to come out staunchly in favor of porn bands but also staunchly in favor of vpns i'm fascinated by this because it's just an outright ban it's not like uh you have to be 18 years old
Distractible
More Broken News
So welcome to Distractable. If you were up late and you didn't know what you were doing with your life and you just happened to stumble upon this as opposed to a deep rabbit hole of other types of videos that you could probably go down, because we're back on YouTube as well. Welcome to Distractable. This is our show where we take turns hosting to give these guys an entertaining adventure.
Distractible
More Broken News
No, it's a I think it's an ID ban or something like that. I understand the notion. I understand that there are people who think that porn is like a social ill. I don't agree with it, but people think that and I get the idea. But the mechanics of requiring someone to one generally verify their age online at all, which is just inviting underage people online.
Distractible
More Broken News
To verify their age to an online system of unknown levels and types of security and safety is fucking wild to me that that's a thing that's even allowed to happen. But two, how much money are we spending? Not we. How much money are they spending on? Let's build a whole infrastructure. Let's build a whole website or whatever. Let's force all these other websites to use it.
Distractible
More Broken News
Let's spend all this money on the IT and backend for a thing where it's like you have to upload pictures of your state or federal ID card. It's a lot of effort to go through for a thing that can be circumvented by like five bucks a month VPN subscription. Or free. Some VPNs are free. Yeah. Unfortunately, the way they're doing it is they're putting all the onus on the porn companies.
Distractible
More Broken News
So when you're watching porn, ads pop up on each boob and you have to pay to remove the ads or keep clicking the X repeatedly because ads fire like machine guns now to make up for this cost. I might have made this up. Sounds true enough to me. Back to we in the studio, Mark. Okay, yeah, thanks guys for your hard-hitting reporting.
Distractible
More Broken News
The reason I bring it up is because for most of our lives and most of our time on the internet, there has been this idea of internet anonymity.
Distractible
More Broken News
right so you can be on the internet and you can just be whoever anonymous you you're not known that's not just the group it's it's you know just like literally there's a very difficult way to actually tell who is who and nowadays it's even harder with bots and whatnot and foreign spies yeah definitely that's definitely happening
Distractible
More Broken News
uh-huh waiting to see if any one of you either of you were one but you know i'm not which is not a thing a foreign spy would say we'll never tell they can't lie it's like the cops they have to tell you the one weakness the achilles heel of spies are you a spy yeah you got me come on That's not the game we're playing. Come on.
Distractible
More Broken News
Even if anonymity ends on the internet and everyone knows who everyone is, I don't think that's going to make it in any friendlier place because Facebook, you know, people would have names associated to their accounts and faces, and they're the meanest sons of bitches on the internet. Those guys love fighting. Then next is Twitter, of course, but, you know, that's a whole other story.
Distractible
More Broken News
As a purely like philosophical experiment, having a system by which you could no longer remain anonymous on the Internet might do some good. I think you still struggle with the issue of it doesn't feel real, even if you know you're not anonymous.
Distractible
More Broken News
I think people like you said on on Facebook, people with their picture and their real name right there will still just say outlandish shit or be horrible to each other. It's because it still doesn't feel real. People just still will just type things like it's not the same as saying it to someone's face.
Distractible
More Broken News
But not being able to get away from shit, especially people who go to, like, dark corners on the internet to say, you know, things that are illegal or talk about doing things that are illegal or dangerous or... I think that might do some good.
Distractible
More Broken News
Wait, give them torture. Give you an entertaining adventure. I'm your host, my name is Markiplier, very famous Five Nights at Freddy's YouTuber. Not an- Hey, me either, dude. I think I gotta bleep that out too. Just a big, long... Anyway, yeah. You want to tell us how your movie ends real quick? We can bleep that out. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Don't you aim your scoped dagger at me.
Distractible
More Broken News
But the reality of that would basically mean that you would essentially have like a count number or something that represent you'd have something, some token that represents your online identity. Right. Which would just mean that every company and all of the government agencies would know exactly what you do.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Hooray! Yay! I loved it as a kid. Maybe I'll hate it as an adult, but I loved this as a kid.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Okay, yeah. Because down by Lake Cumberland, I remember one of the broods was nuts.
Distractible
We Hate These States
We gotta keep the American Canal. Gotta keep that. We make jokes about ridiculous situations. Sometimes we say things in a serious tone, but it's actually a joke. I.E. Stephen Colbert, whenever he was on The Daily Show a lot.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Hi. I really want one of those old, they're still called popsicles. They kind of like came in like the package and they were liquidy and you put them in the freezer and there's like the orange, the red, the pink. You mean like Otter Pops? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Ooh, that feels like a violation of distractible council rules. Is that? You think I know the council rules? I don't fucking know.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I think the first state is something we will all agree on. It makes sense. And it's really the only choice I think that may be unanimous. Pennsylvania has got to go.
Distractible
We Hate These States
hmm why is it gonna be the first one you pick i mean i get it i understand why it had to come from me i couldn't let bob get to it before me i i won't suggest ask any more details about why i think i think i get why but pittsburgh doesn't name any names jesus christ it's gotta be pittsburgh well at least we're not in pittsburgh this time fuck
Distractible
We Hate These States
I don't know why, but somehow you doing your intro made me think I want that. His intro specifically made you feel that? I wasn't thinking about it, and then he started talking, and I was like, ooh, one of those sounds real good right now. Huh. Didn't get that at all on my end. Merch? Wait, too soon. We'll do that later.
Distractible
We Hate These States
We're here to have fun. If this was cities, I would get rid of Cleveland before Pittsburgh. It makes you feel any better. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, calm down. Whoa. I'm just saying this is from a sports sports take side. Cavaliers love the Cavaliers, but God, the Browns exist and they shouldn't. How are we going to be mean to the Browns for?
Distractible
We Hate These States
He represents the current Browns organization. Yeah, well, wasn't that a mistake? The contract, the decision, all of it. Anyway, Pennsylvania. All right, okay.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Well, that's good, because we're never going to get through these if we debate it too much. All right, Wade, back to you. I've been thinking about this one, and it's a little tough, but I think it's got to be said. Illinois. Ooh. Illinois. Why? Why? I don't truly hate Illinois as a state.
Distractible
We Hate These States
But if we go back, let's not be too petty here, a couple hundred years where Cincinnati was a thriving trading metropolis of the United States, there was a city that emerged that kind of put its thumb on us and squashed us like a bug, and that city was Chicago. Chicago ruined our lives. It's an awful place to have to drive through.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I personally don't like visiting it, and it's responsible for the complete demolition of all of Illinois today. Goodbye, Chicago. Goodbye, Illinois. Cincinnati, we're rising again!
Distractible
We Hate These States
I think there's one bridge just connecting two other states. There's probably lots of stuff, but no one ever talks about it. I don't know. Couldn't tell you. No, we always joke about how small it is, but I've never actually heard about anything that's there.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Pettiness makes me want to veto just because you vetoed mine. But like, honestly, I don't know what I'd be saving. So I won't disagree.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Now maybe we'll hire Samantha from Cincinnati. You okay? All right.
Distractible
We Hate These States
wait what's next alabama's gotta go one roll tide kind of done with it plus they're you know now their coach is gone they've fallen down a little bit but the reason is we need less avenues for people from florida to get in alabama's gone they've got to go through georgia it's harder for florida man to escape i always thought that was a weird state motto alabama florida's highway to the good parts
Distractible
We Hate These States
I don't want to give away mine either, but yes, you're on the right track. All right, cool. All right. Alabama's gone. All right.
Distractible
We Hate These States
All right, Wade, what's next? I'm still kind of fighting over my loss of Illinois. I'm still a little upset about Illinois being here. Let's go with Massachusetts.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Whenever we were going to conventions, it was actually one of my favorite convention centers was the one in Boston. But Harvard turned me down when I applied for college. I'm petty and I remember navigating Boston, flying into Boston.
Distractible
We Hate These States
And I'll never forget the taxi or Uber ride where the guy just had a middle finger out each window whenever we made the mistake of saying we were running late to get somewhere and scared the shit out of us and demanded like a big tip before he let us out of his car. I don't know if you guys remember that or not. Or even if Bob, you were there, but we were going to like some kind of
Distractible
We Hate These States
maker studio party or something we were running late and this guy scared the fucking shit out of me i don't think i was there for that plus i have some friends in massachusetts fuck those guys i'm not gonna i'm not gonna fire for massachusetts that's okay It was one of the original 13 colonies or something, right? It's kind of like out with the old in with the new. It's like, get out of here.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I'm using a veto on New Hampshire. Really? On New Hampshire? I am. I gotta save New Hampshire. My favorite late night host of all time was Craig Ferguson. And one of the best bits I remember was whenever Jeffrey Peterson, his skeleton, was talking about having a second home, a vacation home in New Hampshire. And I go back and watch that clip and laugh every time I see it.
Distractible
We Hate These States
It's one of his funniest bits. Damn. Historical site. New Hampshire is the Craig Ferguson historical site in my mind. Gotta save New Hampshire.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Just like we said. Why would we keep the old ones? New Hampshire's not Massachusetts. We can agree on that, right?
Distractible
We Hate These States
All right, Wade, what is next? Michigan. And it's not even because I hate Michigan. I'm not like an Ohio State guy or anything. I actually have enjoyed my time in Michigan. Ohio is known as like the heart of it all, right? And I'm an Ohio man. Michigan with its fucking stupid glove and its extra little growth sticking out. It gets to be two places at once. It just thinks it's better than us.
Distractible
We Hate These States
But if Michigan was gone, we would be the lake state. We would have all of them. I think it would just be one big lake.
Distractible
We Hate These States
All right. Any objections? Can I object in the future? Do I have to object right now?
Distractible
We Hate These States
Can I hold my veto? I potentially want to veto Oklahoma, but it's pending something else.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I'm going to put a bookmark on Oklahoma, but I'll let it go for now.
Distractible
We Hate These States
nip the tip tips been nipped wait all right let's get the big one out of the way here that i was gonna get rid of texas damn texas has some great places it's a big state love my time in austin honestly san antonio as well but like bob was saying about oklahoma do we really need it do we need good texas or do we need empty texas that's kind of the question you're posing i guess
Distractible
We Hate These States
I disagree. But you did propose it. I'm proposing Texas. Look, let's just put the cards on the table. We have Florida. We've already got a problem child. Do we need Texas and Oklahoma? Do we need all three? Those are not even remotely similar types of things. They're problem children. They're different kinds of problem children, but they're problem children.
Distractible
We Hate These States
one second no it's gone just all right it's gone all right wait go colorado oh colorado is a beautiful place vacation spot got the mile high city snow lots of marijuana no real reason to get rid of it but i'm gonna i feel like that was one i was gonna leave and see if it made the cut because i do like colorado but i definitely have no i'm not fighting my i'm not throwing my veto in on it so you sure are you just trying to get him out of his vetoes
Distractible
We Hate These States
I'm throwing darts at a dartboard and seeing where they land. Weird. Alright, bye Colorado. We're going to be left with like all the middle states.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I just eliminated my wife's family. I can't also then fight for their rival. Wisconsin's gone.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Wade, I want to throw two out there, and I want to pick one of the two, but I don't know which one I want to get rid of, so I kind of want to hear arguments. Kansas or our Kansas? Kansas. Otherwise known as Arkansas. We only need two that have Kansas in the name. Or we only need one, rather. We have two, we only need one. We might need none.
Distractible
We Hate These States
All right, wait. Let's go West Virginia. Great song. I have family in West Virginia. I've had some good memories there. Love the mountain mama. But sometimes mama's got to go. Sounds like a winner to me.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Doom the Dark Age is available now on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5, and PC. Rated M for Mature.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Bird and Fu are in Virginia. I visited there. They have some great restaurants. They want me to even consider moving to Virginia. Eliminate temptation. Goodbye, Virginia. Virginia is gone. Make them come where it matters. Ohio.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Who's been vetoed so far? What states do we have locked in? Michigan, Illinois, and New Hampshire are locked in. I still can't fucking believe New Hampshire, but whatever. Me either. Now that I'm looking at it, I regret that veto, but it's too late. Why did you do that?
Distractible
We Hate These States
12 minutes ago I was fucking wasted and now that I'm sober I had just dropped acid I had snorted cocaine I had dropped all of the drugs that probably have to be censored out of this episode I had done all of it but now I'm clean and I'm regretting New Hampshire a bit but the two people that watch this from New Hampshire are probably very happy I saved them alright is it my turn no wait no no I just did regular Virginia is that out of here oh that's true yeah Wade said yes okay
Distractible
We Hate These States
Connecticut? All right. Loved their basketball team growing up. I had a lot of Huskies jerseys. I used to root for like Emeka Okafor and stuff whenever he played at Connecticut.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I'm pretty sure there's a racket allegedly in one of the Carolinas where the police and judges are working together to give people from out of that state speeding tickets and then force them to come back in person to protest it. Otherwise they forfeit and have to pay the fine.
Distractible
We Hate These States
i've heard a bunch of weird stories of people driving through getting a speeding ticket for going you know like 10 12 over which people do go and that is speeding to be clear is breaking the law but it's odd that how it's structured a way where you almost have to get an attorney in that state to fight for you on your behalf in court to dispute a speeding ticket it's a whole weird thing and so i say goodbye corruption hello freedom
Distractible
We Hate These States
I'll take South Carolina. Bob helped me balance. I'll help him balance.
Distractible
We Hate These States
It would be really funny if you vetoed South Carolina after I agreed with them.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Got to throw a veto. Damn. I had a suspicion. Yeah, you were right. I got to keep Georgia. Any particular reason why? Spent a lot of time, a lot of good memories. I like peaches. Savannah, Georgia is really nice and pretty. It's like the one east coast beach I kind of like.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I would. Yeah, it's on my list of places to keep. You did mention... The aquarium. The aquarium's great. Coca-Cola, I think their main headquarters is in Georgia. Too many good things there. I can't lose. Savannah is really awesome. We did our honeymoon in Savannah. It's great. So I'm down to one veto. We're both down to one veto now, right? Down to one veto, PC. All right, Wade.
Distractible
We Hate These States
We got rid of one of the Dakotas, right? We got rid of... South. Okay, so let's go Idaho.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Russia, probably. Get rid of it. Whoa. Who are you, Mark? I don't I think Moscow is what you're looking for.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Let's go Arizona. Out of here. Out of here. Too hot. They have some tuxens and some phoenixes. Grand canyons there, but, like, we can dig a ditch. There'll be cool canyons after all these states are gone.
Distractible
We Hate These States
been there twice it's a it's a cool city i don't have that strong of a connection to it i gotta let it go gone all right it's gone bye-bye how many more eliminations do we have still need a good dozen or more don't we yeah it's it's a good bit left let's see all right let's get that other dakota out of here whichever one it was man it lasted a long time that other dakota well we were just keeping that one around because we knew how we felt about it get out of here
Distractible
We Hate These States
That's fair. Goodbye, Utah. Wait. George Washington sailed across a river here famously, but it's one of the OGs, and I don't really care, nor do I know anything about it. Goodbye, Delaware. Delaware.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I hate that this one lasted longer than Minnesota. Minnesota deserved better than what it got. It really did. Iowa, I love corn, but what else you got for me? We're downsizing the population anyway. We don't need that much corn. Ohio grows corn, so...
Distractible
We Hate These States
Cool. All right. Wait. Louisiana. New Orleans. Beautiful, fun party town. LSU. Joe Burrow went to school down there. They're one of the greatest teams of all time. Historical. They've been through a lot. Beautiful state. They got their crawdads and whatnot, but I didn't crack my top 13, so it's got to go.
Distractible
We Hate These States
You are connected to the most random places. I'm not connected to Montana. I just know Montana is a vast, beautiful, scenic state. We've already eliminated many vast, beautiful states. Name one. Colorado. It's not a state anymore. False. We got rid of it.
Distractible
We Hate These States
This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. You know what I got into recently?
Distractible
We Hate These States
Pennsylvania's gone. Michigan's locked in. We gotta keep Michigan. But I'm feeling a little cramped here in Ohio, and I think the logical choice is to get rid of Indiana. Then at least there's some space between us and Illinois. I gotta keep Illinois. Just get rid of the buffer. Give me some space.
Distractible
We Hate These States
We don't have to learn that shit anymore, do we? More like M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-bye-bye-bye. Sorry, Mississippi.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Me? Been Prime Video. Then in the last, like, two weeks, I was like, you know what I need to do? I need to watch every war movie ever made, like, today. Whatever it is, Prime helps you get more out of whatever passions you're into or getting into. Head to Amazon.com slash Prime and follow your obsession wherever it goes.
Distractible
We Hate These States
annex that into ohio but we're not doing that mark made it pretty clear we're not doing stuff like that so the rest of all of kentucky yeah there's a lot of bad in kentucky but man the cumberland lake and river cumberland is just so awesome it's okay we have michigan got all the lakes you need up in michigan when i vacation i don't want to go north to foxville i want to go south where it's warm and more paradisy you know
Distractible
We Hate These States
No, most of it is. That's why I'm debating. It's on my list of things to keep, but do I want to use a veto for it?
Distractible
We Hate These States
I thought there were at least three. I've not been redoing my list since we delimited two, so I was like, there's gotta be some more.
Distractible
We Hate These States
No, I wanted to keep Alaska. Alaska and Hawaii? No bigger or more beautiful state than Alaska. Oh, you gotta keep Alaska. Alaska, Hawaii, Ohio, Florida, and Georgia were like my top five protects. Alright, here's the big, beautiful list. We kept California.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Oh, God. That's why I thought they were already gone. I would have fought to get rid of fucking Nebraska soon.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I don't regret that, but we could have gotten rid of Oklahoma too.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Looking at what was lost versus what was kept, before you go through points, is there anything we would exchange if we could go back?
Distractible
We Hate These States
I should have. In hindsight, Kentucky and Tennessee I'd rather have than Nebraska and Vermont. Hey, Vermont's beautiful. Vermont is beautiful. Probably a better state than Kentucky, but like... Okay, I gotta do some calculations here.
Distractible
We Hate These States
nebraska we gotta get something back for nebraska right i would i would trade nebraska vermont or and new hampshire but i'm not sure what i would trade them for i would want colorado back colorado and kentucky or or tennessee i want kentucky or tennessee one of those i would give you colorado back over one of those i like colorado more than those
Distractible
We Hate These States
Kentucky's all personal reasons for me, but if it's gone, you know, Tennessee's got some good stuff.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Wade was all over the map here. Every time I wanted to think of a state, I did the Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut. Ah, there's one. I wasn't looking to my left to cheat. I went through the song every time.
Distractible
We Hate These States
The left is literally just a list of places I was like, keep New York, California, Alaska, Hawaii, Georgia, New Hampshire, Illinois, Michigan, Washington, Florida, Ohio, Nebraska, and Vermont, I think.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I can't wait to get to calculate our color shirts with our backgrounds, too, later.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I'm making this a better country, Mark. I'm not focused on the short term money, money, whatever. This is a long term investment. You got that right.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I feel like Michigan, oh, I don't know. New Hampshire, well, I don't know.
Distractible
We Hate These States
I did it for Craig Ferguson. I'd do it again. I would have also saved Tennessee, though.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Bob, I have a question. If I'd used my last veto earlier, would you have made Ohio one? I thought about doing that as a bit because then I would be like, well, we could just go to Michigan. I know. I literally saved my veto because I was like, Bob throws Ohio after saving Michigan. I would never be able to live with myself.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Everything else was able to go on the chopping block to save Ohio.
Distractible
We Hate These States
No one can ever say Mark's biased. These are fairly distributed points. Bob, your life's great. Wade, your life sucks.
Distractible
We Hate These States
uh oh that's million dollar idea isn't that technically bob because he had he did technically make the most money i had the idea for the the water table pump that clearly is a million dollar idea because now people are making millions of dollars off of it i assume i think based on the game we played and you being better at the money part and that idea i don't have an argument for this yeah he did save the most money so even this point i believe goes to bob
Distractible
We Hate These States
Thank you very much. My liege, Wade. Ohio, Florida, Washington, New Hampshire, Georgia, Hawaii, Alaska, California, Kentucky, New York, Montana, Tennessee, Minnesota. That's what should have been. But I lost. My opponent outplayed me, outperformed me, outthought me, outmaneuvered me. So I salute to the flag of the new United States. You know, we did our best. We axed as we went without thinking.
Distractible
We Hate These States
It turned out all right. A couple bruises I don't like. A couple of limbs missing I'd like to have back. A couple of things attached I could live without. Overall, it's all right.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Do you guys remember the one, the manual crank that used to be on the wall in classrooms and you just...
Distractible
We Hate These States
Don't like, don't like. I didn't mention this last episode. It still hasn't happened yet as of now, but it would have been Monday as of the release of this episode, I think. Did my math right? Molly and I have been together seven years, over seven years now. Yay! And Ginger is seven years old because her birthday is our anniversary. And Presley is about to turn seven years old.
Distractible
We Hate These States
And it's wild all of this has lasted that long. I didn't expect it, like...
Distractible
We Hate These States
death or what are we talking here just something like you know thought this marriage would be shambles by now what are we talking here i had kind of a rocky childhood growing up so i think like part of that just has like my mindset is always like well the other shoe is going to drop at some point enjoy it while you got it but you're going to lose it it's just kind of like the way i feel
Distractible
We Hate These States
about things it's it's not very optimistic that's fair i don't know if it's pessimistic but it's just been kind of like my experience so i call it it feels realistic to me it's just like nothing lasts forever so you will lose but so far knock on wood this whole thing's lasted are you knocking on wood are you are you knocking on wood yeah you might want to actually find some wood yeah i got wood floor i tap my toes on it
Distractible
We Hate These States
which is extracted from wood. Well, I've got an elephant shit diary from Tyler. Does elephant shit count as wood?
Distractible
We Hate These States
I have no idea. Lignin balls. Give yourself a point. Oh, wait, Mark's hosting. I'll give myself a point anyway, and I'll just give it to me in a future date.
Distractible
We Hate These States
Yeah. Anniversary. It will have happened by the time this airs. Relationship in shambles. That's what I wrote the point as. If I do a bad job, it could be. I guess we'll see. Don't mess it up. You know what's at stake. Seven's not that important of a year, right? Maybe I'll give her a coupon to pennies or something.
Distractible
We Hate These States
This is very arachnophobia for me, like the movie. I just, I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
Distractible
We Hate These States
that is happening right now here oh is it i don't know if this is one of the big ones or not but uh like one of the walls of our house we have like 13 shells just like groped up side by side and there's a whole bunch of like the little cicadas that have just like shed their first skin that are like standing on like flower pots and stuff so i don't know this might be one of the big years i don't remember if this is one of the was it 19 year cicadas or whatever the hell it is 17 or something like that
Distractible
We Hate These States
thousands of cicadas are just like brood 14 is having their 17 year emergence in southwest ohio this year oh god oh you're oh man it's gonna be nuts i hope so if that's the if this is the 17 year one which it says yeah holy shit it's gonna be crazy
Distractible
We Hate These States
i'm excited i remember being down in kentucky whenever there was one in kentucky you're excited what's wrong with you it's gonna be hell and like you go out in the evening and like you can hardly hear because it's just like all of them making noise it only lasts like a month but like yeah it's so loud that it's fucking annoying 24 7 it's only a month i think that's so cool spiders no thank you but the cicadas i love the cicada noise i think you've forgotten how bad it was
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, that's pretty harsh. They've been super restrictive. They, like the whole medical industry, have been incredibly restrictive. Because, admittedly, there was an opioid crisis. There was definitely overprescription of opioid painkillers and it was a problem that was killing people. But now it's overcorrected. Like, I had a similar thing. I broke my foot.
Distractible
Wade For President
I had a broken bone that I could not move around with and they were just like, yeah! Advil, das wird es lösen. Das wird es kümmern. Und es ist so, dass es nur eines der Dinge ist, wo die Behandlung von Schmerzen aus dem Fenster gegangen ist, was die Gesundheit angeht. Und das ist ein großer Proponent davon.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, that's a larger conversation in the whole medical industry as a whole.
Distractible
Wade For President
This is one of the avenues where I think it'll actually help a lot. You guys said, did you see the story about this machine learning model was able to detect breast cancer better than doctors looking at a radiograph? I have seen that. It's very interesting. Yeah, so that's the kind of advances that I want to see, because it's what it's good at.
Distractible
Wade For President
The machine learning thing, we've talked about it before, it's not AI, it's not actually intelligent, but it's good at detecting patterns, deducing things out of seeming noise.
Distractible
Wade For President
And that can extend into other factors of medicine, because right now the problem is doctors are tapped. There are not enough. Nurses are tapped. There are not enough. They're underpaid or they're overworked. Kind of similar thing. But it's just like so individual care goes down. And this isn't just an American problem. It's a worldwide problem.
Distractible
Wade For President
Aber mit diesen Dingen kannst du tatsächlich, wenn du besser und schneller Diagnose bekommst, wenn du eine konklusive Antwort auf Änderungen und solche Sachen bekommst und die Möglichkeiten und die Hilfe zu verringern, könnte es enorm helfen. Und das wäre wirklich schön. Also das sind die Art von Dingen, für die AI verwendet werden sollte. Und ich hoffe, sie werden in die Zukunft weiterentwickelt.
Distractible
Wade For President
I love ads. I know everyone does. But I'm saying, if they were just more relevant to me, if the machine learning models knew me as a person, was able to identify, in fact, meet me in my own home with these ads, wherever I am, on toilet, in my glasses.
Distractible
Wade For President
Change it based on where you go. You're a man of the people. Very flexible.
Distractible
Wade For President
Okay, du wirst jeden von denen anrufen, weil ich nichts erinnert habe. Ja. Okay, gut.
Distractible
Wade For President
Okay, yeah, got it. For those who don't know, the Vice President, among a few other roles, presides over the Senate. I am the Senate. Tie-breaking vote in the Senate. I don't know, presides over the Senate is probably the wrong term for that. No, that is accurate, actually.
Distractible
Wade For President
And then they do the tie-breaking vote if there is a tie. So you need someone that is going to be of the people and help you out. But think of Dick Cheney, right? Who was really President during Bush's era?
Distractible
Wade For President
Dick Cheney's shotgun. I mean, if we're gonna be perfectly, huh? Dick Cheney and Bush were out hunting. Bang! That's what happened to you. Isn't that how he talks? Yeah, that's how he sounds. So you don't want Cousin It. Cousin It would be too powerful. You want someone that is of the people, but not too powerful that they would usurp your rule. Because as we know, President is king.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, so they need to be less intimidating, they need to be subservient, a very beta kind of person, not gonna be in your way, a very yes man, do anything you ask, forever and ever and ever.
Distractible
Wade For President
I just am saying it could be anybody. And you know, I do have hair, a lot of it. You just need someone who's not too short, not too much shorter than you, but shorter enough that people go like, wow, I'm only looking at that guy and not at that guy, because I can't even see that guy. So like Tyler Height. Nah, shorter.
Distractible
Wade For President
Das ist eine großartige Höhe. Weniger als das ist einfach schrecklich. Nein, nein, nein. Ich denke nicht, weil du definitiv jemanden höher als dich nicht willst. Wer weiß, wie groß es wirklich ist. Also willst du jemanden dort, wahrscheinlich auf der nationalen Anzahl, weil du sie wirklich mit den Leuten identifizieren willst. Right at that line of average. Maybe a bit above it.
Distractible
Wade For President
Maybe a bit above it. You know, it could be a wiggle room here and there.
Distractible
Wade For President
You know, since Bob's throwing his hat in the ring, I might as well just chuck it in there.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, I wouldn't be elected because I don't have a college degree, but... Is that required? It's encouraged. Let's not talk about that.
Distractible
Wade For President
Not the jolly one, just the green regular giant. He can be jolly, but you know, these days. With what farmers have to go through, Monsanto breathing down their necks, and all the immigrants taking all their jobs as farmers.
Distractible
Wade For President
It's genius. We're like a news channel. We now go live to the Secretary of Agriculture. Hey SECAG, how are you doing out there?
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, this is who you're relying on for his hairiness. I'm in the Senate and I will break those tie votes. I'll get your pick through. If I believe in the better candidate, I'll push through. I'm not gonna let ego get in the way here.
Distractible
Wade For President
Well, the toys they have for kids that are, you know, workshop-based, they have that cardboard router table where you push the cardboard through.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, I got this, man. So, you know what they say, you should give power to those who don't want it, because that's who actually deserves it. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna take Bernie Sanders, we're gonna make him a billionaire, we're gonna give him billions and billions and billions of dollars. We're gonna force him to be a billionaire and then put him in that role.
Distractible
Wade For President
And he will rise to the occasion. He'll struggle a bit, because he'll have to deal with that. He's now one of the billionaires. But billionaire Bernie Sanders, he would make the best decisions, bar none.
Distractible
Wade For President
Ich liebe das Bild. Nur, dass er in einem Raum mit Elon Musk gezwungen ist, weil alle Billionäre zusammenhängen müssen. Nur verdammt rot in den Gesicht. Verdammt wütend jeden Tag. Das ist es, was ich will.
Distractible
Wade For President
By the way, I didn't mean that like that's what I want because I want to torture Bernie Sanders. That's not what it is. I want him angry in that room.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, I think it's really cool. I think everyone eventually goes through a power tool phase. Like I had my Ryobi phase and I'm definitely over. I don't yearn for Ryobi days to come around every summer. I don't yearn for it. Yeah, me neither. I don't yearn.
Distractible
Wade For President
I mean, the only thing that jumps to mind is Kratos. Probably good about it. Well, he killed all the other gods. So maybe you would just like kill all the generals. I don't know if that's a good idea.
Distractible
Wade For President
Well, you said human services. The Doctor is not human. How would he know what's best for humanity? And if you actually have watched the show, pretty much everyone around him dies. Oh, that doesn't seem like his fault. It might be his fault. He's also killed a lot of things.
Distractible
Wade For President
Can he build it? Yes, he can. What a slogan. That's the thing. You want someone on your team that's gonna rally the people, be easy to remember, and everyone will love.
Distractible
Wade For President
You gotta give it to me, the Builder? I'll take it. No, no, no. Bob the Builder.
Distractible
Wade For President
I don't know if he's Bob the Builder. More of a Wreck-It-Ralph look to him, you know?
Distractible
Wade For President
Nein, nein, warte, warte, nein, ich repräsentiere, nein, ich repräsentiere Bob, den Builder. Als sein Repräsentant, ich, alle Kontraktnegoziationen müssen durch mich gehen.
Distractible
Wade For President
Nein, nein, es ist nicht du und Bob, der Builder. Er hat den Trader für ihn. Dieser Typ ist ein Patent-Troll.
Distractible
Wade For President
Nun, der Tardis ist nicht mehr in der Administration, weil Wade den Tardis von der Administration entfernt hat. Also, du weißt. Exzellente Wahl, Sir. Okay, der Staatssekretär der Arbeit. Eine Frau in der Arbeit. Es dreht sich aus. Sobald sie fertig ist, kommt noch einer rein.
Distractible
Wade For President
That's true. I don't think there's been a single female pick yet. Unless a field of corn. I don't, yeah, I don't know how that works for corn.
Distractible
Wade For President
I pick the state of Georgia because it also is a country. Ooh. But then it's only half Secretary of State, then it's partially Secretary of Country. They call a country in some terminology can be a sovereign state and it is still.
Distractible
Wade For President
Elon Musk. Car. I can't just keep picking inanimate objects. Alright, Lightning McQueen. I walked into that one. I walked into my own trap. I accept.
Distractible
Wade For President
A fool's answer if ever there was one. The real answer is the sand lion from the beginning of Aladdin that opens into the treasure room.
Distractible
Wade For President
But the Cave of Wonders has Genie, and I love Genie. And that cave is going to guard that treasure. You cannot touch, only the diamond in the rough can touch the truest treasure. Lead not you to temptation, but deliver you from the Cave of Wonders.
Distractible
Wade For President
I apparently cannot. We have breaking news. Did you know that? This is actual news. Just two hours ago, two undersea internet cables connecting Finland and Sweden to Europe have been cut. Oh, cool. Wer haben wir ausgeschlossen? Finnland und Schweden in Europa. Was zur Hölle habe ich gerade gesagt, Mann?
Distractible
Wade For President
I found the answer. Jesus. Jesus. If there's anyone that knows about Veterans Affairs more than Jesus. I would love to know. I would love to know.
Distractible
Wade For President
He was the best attorney ever. Look, this guy wants to nominate Jason Spade.
Distractible
Wade For President
You did say that. I was like, that's not right. So he nominated the wrong person. I nominate James Spader. Jason Spader.
Distractible
Wade For President
Welche Richtung fliegt der Internet? Es waren zwei Kabel, einer hoch, einer runter. Geh mit dem Bild, Mann.
Distractible
Wade For President
Hold on, hold on, doing research, hold on, wait, wait for it, wait, yep, no, yes, yes, yes! Yes? Is that what it is? Yes! Yes, the character from Ralph Wrecks the Internet? No, no, no, no, no. The Secretary of Boats is the Captain from the Hotels.com commercial.
Distractible
Wade For President
Is that what it is? He's Captain Obvious, right? That's what it is, Captain Obvious. Here's my second pick. You know who has a lot of boats? Gabe Newell. He has a lot of boats? Oh yeah. He owns many, many multi-million dollar yachts.
Distractible
Wade For President
Because he's rich as tits. Because Steam makes him so much money that he doesn't know where to put it. Also he likes knives. I know that about Gabe.
Distractible
Wade For President
That's fair. You know what? That's fair. Oh. CEO of Nvidia. That guy, whatever his name is. He seems to have been killing it with technology, so I pick him.
Distractible
Wade For President
You know, Steve Apple, the guy who's in charge of Apple. You know who you should pick in Apple? I don't know what his role is. I've never known. But it's that guy that is in the presentations that I don't know if it's real. Did he actually go and do parkour all the way down the building to the bottom floor to do another segment of the presentation?
Distractible
Wade For President
And again, don't know what he does, but he can parkour down all of the Apple campus. And that's pretty good. But I'm not changing my answer.
Distractible
Wade For President
But no, there's no way. There's no way, right? No, there's no way that's him. I don't know what he does. I pick him. No, I don't. I already said mine.
Distractible
Wade For President
It must be. So everyone, please download this podcast, package it up into your local cassette tape. Press it into a solid gold record. And then ship it. Ship it to Finland and Sweden. They need it. They yearn for it. They are yearning. They will have been yearning. And they need it. They're yearning. They're waiting.
Distractible
Wade For President
Es sind beide Ashley und Madison. Und der Mann, der gegründet wurde, ist Darren J. Morgenstern.
Distractible
Wade For President
Also, Glückwunsch, Mark. Mark. Als Vizepräsident nehme ich diese Verletzung mit Gnade und Gnade. Und ich freue mich auf mich und den Präsidenten. Wir werden sehr bald einen Hunting-Trip nehmen. Ich brauche nur ein bisschen Zeit für mich selbst. Nur uns, niemand anderes, keine Beobachter, keine Presse, keine Kameras, nichts.
Distractible
Wade For President
Aus den lokalen Wäldern, wo auch immer wir das Spiel finden, das wir hüten. Manche sagen, es ist das gefährlichste Spiel, aber das ist, wo der Thrill herkommt. Ansonsten, ich freue mich auf das und dann sind wir wieder zurück mit einem Iron Fist, sobald ich mich von diesem Terrible, unjust loss. And then we will rectify those errors that were made. Well said.
Distractible
Wade For President
Schau, es sind die Regeln von Ja und. Wir können es immer zu einem gemeinsamen Denomen regeln. Jemand beginnt es, und dann müssen wir alle auf es springen. Aber das bedeutet nicht, dass wir alle auf diese Meinung abheben.
Distractible
Wade For President
Er schreit sich selbst in das Fenster, hängt sich von der Stange nach unten. Ich weiß nicht, warum, aber das macht mich daran denken. Ihr habt die Avengers gesehen, oder? Ihr kennt Drax, den Charakter Drax. Dieser Charakter war so lustig. Und dann haben sie ihm echte dumme Lachen gesagt. Wie, ich bin ein Idiot und hier ist eine Lache. Aber er ist so lustig.
Distractible
Wade For President
Es gibt eine Szene, wo er sich mit dem und den restlichen Galaxy-Dudes treffen. Was auch immer sein Name ist.
Distractible
Wade For President
Den habe ich noch nicht gesehen. Ich habe den Marvel-Film nicht gesehen. Ich brauche Wolverine und... Ah, Wolverine und Ryan Reynolds. Ich habe das Gefühl, dass der Witz von dem, was wir da sagten... Wer ist Gamora? Ich werde dir einen besseren machen. Warum ist Gamora?
Distractible
Wade For President
Und es ist so, das ist eine dumme Lüge, aber seine Lüge nachher ist so viel lustiger, wo es so ist, du schießt ihn, ich schieße ihn und Drax sagt, mach es, ich kann es nehmen. Das ist so viel lustiger als der echte Lüge, den er gesagt hat. Und das geht mit seinem Charakter aus dem ersten Film, wo es tatsächlich so ist, dass er einfach sehr überreifend ist und so dumm ist. Und es ist so, Mann.
Distractible
Wade For President
Damn. So my small talk is the same as it's always ever been. It's just about the render farm. I have solved water cooling. Wow. Don't talk about Glauber salts again. Don't go there. Why not? I don't need to right now. Right now I don't because it's winter. So I don't need to worry about cooling too much. Water cooling is a lot like Factorio.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, I know, right? So Factorio is about like optimizing your distribution and automating things so that it all flows in a good direction. And you know, you can get clogs in your Factorio factory because you can have things going and then it won't go out. You have an in to an out and an out to an in and the belts need to be perfect.
Distractible
Wade For President
And also you don't need extraneous belts because you'll run out of space and stuff like that, right? So watercooling has always been a very scary part of computer building to me. And I've never done it because I always worry about catastrophically exploding my computers with water. To be honest, I did that the first time.
Distractible
Wade For President
I think I told you guys the first time I did it, I had to put it outside and drain it. Well, that's just because I didn't know what kind of plug I was using. It was an inset plug or an outside plug. I've now successfully watercooled eight servers. Damn. I'm really proud of that. I've got custom blocks. Well, I didn't make them, but the blocks for the CPUs, I put them in there.
Distractible
Wade For President
I created my own routing with the loop inside a very elegant way of like the tight angles and stuff like that. Because if you go to a server manufacturer and you buy their proprietary watercooling solution, it's thousands of dollars, thousands of dollars. Genau, genau. koppeln und sie unkoppeln wirklich einfach. Also habe ich all diese rausgepumpt.
Distractible
Wade For President
Das Einzige, was ich nicht verstehe, ist, dass es irgendwelche flüssigen Physiken gibt, die mir keinen Sinn machen, weil ich weiß, dass das generelle Prinzip ist, dass du die Flüssigkeit einbauen musst, wenn du sie füllst, und dann steigt das Wasser bis zum höchsten Punkt da rein und es wird, weißt du, du willst das wenden, damit du es immer füllen kannst, also willst du, wo du es füllst, dass es der höchste Punkt ist und dann geht es runter.
Distractible
Wade For President
Aber was sie dir nicht sagen, naja, sie werden es wahrscheinlich tun, aber ich habe es nicht gelesen. ist, dass die Art und Weise, wie die Lippen sitzen und nach oben und nach unten gehen, auch viele hohe und niedrige Punkte in der Lippe erzeugen.
Distractible
Wade For President
Es ist wie das falsche Vakuum-Ding im Universum, wo sie sagen, wir liegen auf dem, was wir denken, ist der Basepunkt, aber tatsächlich werden wir alle in Nichts schlagen. Und so passiert es mit dem, dass Druck in diesen Tüben explosiv entstehen kann. Ich habe nichts geblasen, außer wo ich es reinfüllte. So viele Male, es ist wie das alte Glaubwürdige. I watch as it goes in.
Distractible
Wade For President
I see an air pocket come back up and it sounds like it's rumbling. And I have to put my finger over the thing or else it's going to push water up from behind it before the air gets there. So I push that and then once I look at the tube and I see the air is like filtered to the top, then I let it go. It goes... Das ist sehr seltsam. Es fühlt sich nicht so an, als würde man Computer bauen.
Distractible
Wade For President
Es fühlt sich an, als wäre ich ein Fahrradmechaniker. Es ist sehr lustig. Und Wasser geht überall. Ich habe so viele Rollen mit Papiertaschen verpasst. Ich habe mehr Fluid verloren, als ich in das Ding verpasst habe, aber nicht in den Computern. Du hast wahrscheinlich Tausende Dollar auf das. Auf die Teile?
Distractible
Wade For President
Ich denke, du musst dich entschärfen. Wir sind über das. Das ist, warum ich versucht habe, es zu bewegen, weil es in der Position war, wo ich es hatte, und es war rot. Und also, technisch sollte es da oben sein, aber oh Mann, so hart. Die Lichter in diesen Tagen sind ein leiser Scheiß. Ich habe es auch in meinem Fenster befestigt. Gegen einen leeren Sound-Panel. Und die Wand.
Distractible
Wade For President
Ich wette, dass sie es tun. Eines der Probleme mit Wasserkühlung ist, dass es so viele verschiedene Produkte gibt. Es gibt so viele verschiedene Standards von Teilen. Die meisten der Tübinge, die ich tue, sind 13, ist 10, 13. Es sind 10 Millimeter Inner-Diameter, 13 Millimeter Außer-Diameter. Die meisten der echten gedrehten Schrauben sind ein Quartier.
Distractible
Wade For President
Einige Dinge sind sehr standardisiert, aber alle sind kleine, itty-bitty Teile, die 5 Dollar pro Stück kosten. Und du siehst, oh, es ist günstig. Oh Mann, ich brauche 96 dieser Teile.
Distractible
Wade For President
It does, but when you think of the server thing, it's like thousands of dollars per actual server on the rack. So it adds up way quicker for there, and in the end you would still have to hook it all up and get other stuff. So it works out to be cheaper, but there's something very fun to it. It's the exact same difference of...
Distractible
Wade For President
buying your own computer and building buying your own parts and building your computer or buying a pre-made computer. What if you buy your own parts and have someone else build your computer? That costs money. Unless I do it and then I do it for free.
Distractible
Wade For President
Yeah, I did. No, I felt very cool because I had a pressure tester. So whenever I would build a loop, I would have a pressure tester, plug up one in, put the pressure test, pump air in to test for leaks. It felt very, it felt very official. I felt very confident doing it. And it was actually really fun. I haven't, I don't work with my hands a lot.
Distractible
Wade For President
And I don't know, something about wrestling the pressure was very fun and super frustrating and sometimes, but very fun.
Distractible
Wade For President
Es ist viele Male runtergefallen. Es ist zu schlimm, dass sie keine Stände für diese machen. Ich gehe dafür. Hier geht's.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
but eventually this has to like pop right like you can't like every year players get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger salary like it keeps going up in a crazy way like what other job other than sports does someone make more money every single year like our salaries don't go up like that have you ever been the ceo of something because i've heard good things about that
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
yeah but they're not even the ceos i'm not saying players shouldn't get paid owners making a seen amount of money but like eventually there's gonna be not any more money in the world other than what athletes are getting paid because it's just insane i got a funny story about how money works turns out it's just made up if you if you can imagine a bigger number there's some money there's that much money now
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I don't know. I've been thinking about the economy a lot lately. We don't have to get into economy stuff, but I'm like, man, this does not feel stable. It feels like we're approaching an unstable place in economy. No, no, no.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I forgot how dominoes fell very slowly and lean-y. And then when they get hit, they fall more.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I'd have like two years left in my career that I'd have the rest of my life to sit on my money.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Assuming you don't move in slow motion, you'd have plenty of time to get to a bathroom. You're like, it's starting.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
If your pee-pee poo-poo lasts more than four hours, consult a doctor.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I don't. Listen, man, having to go much more frequently like that, I would rather dedicate a day to pooping. At least I could plan for it, plan around it. Imagine like you go to the bathroom, you're like...
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Dude, you're on like a two hour car ride. There's several shit and runs that you're doing with your ass out the window if you got to go every few seconds.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
yeah but this it still has like the absorbative quality it'll it'll be a mess i'm not saying it won't be a mess but like it'll be it'll be inside the kevlar you know so you won't just be blasting everyone around you with pee i hate it also if you do use a toilet if you're like two seconds shit the amount of time you're gonna spend cleaning up after you would have to completely redesign because you are there is something horrible left behind
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
This is more like you walk into the room and it looks like someone drew a body in chalk outline, but that's just the part of the wall where your body shielded it from the shit that just exploded out. All right.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Think about a line at like a theme park. Like everyone just like, well, I guess just you, right? It's just you. Just you. You could never, you'd have to get fast pass or something every single time. Cause you're like, I can't wait in a line.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
By a reasonable margin. Not only is it already not St. Patrick's Day, but this is definitely not St.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
the two wolves inside of me one's shit man one's piss man give me slow man i'll take my time i'll have my like dedicated day to use in the restroom and i'll have the rest of the week free i can plan around it very easily and i can do other things while using the restroom you just make that that chair your toilet yeah easy i like both of your answers a point for fast piss and slow poop
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Hold on. Yeah, if you bleed slower, that means like your arm gets cut off. You're like, I've only got 10 hours to find a doctor.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
anywhere anything could leak out of you is dangerous my blood pressure is in the millions dude you blow your nose and you might take out your hand it's your super power is you you keep uh you keep uh blood sugar lancets like diabetic lancet and you just like it's like a laser beam everyone clear the room i feel a sneeze coming on run watching a sad movie you're like amy amy you gotta go i'm gonna cry
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
anyway back to this one yeah what we're talking oh spicy food so this one is uh yeah come up with a conclusion and explain it to me clarifying question here slow build up does that mean it's also like slower to go away so like if you drink milk or something afterward it wouldn't have an effect for longer yeah it's a long i'm imagining i guess it's like a long arc
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I'm feeling fast. There's something almost exciting to me about the thought of, like, a half second, like... Whoa! That was crazy! Let's do it again! I don't know, but if it goes away fully, very quickly, like, the annoying thing about the heat is that you're just like...
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
The fact that you're just gasping for milk or something like it's burning for a while, a quick burn feels like it'd be less terrible to me.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
No. It's more convenient to grab. He is right. Less folding. I mean, you don't have to fold as much. You just put a hanger on it. Vertical storage is superior for clothing.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Not only that, yeah. If it's like every second, I'm like, next bite. I can have as many endorphins as I want very quick. I don't know. The slow buildup would suck. I think I'm okay with that. You're a masochist, though. Like, we know that about you.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Well, this keeps going up. I don't like this. The spice, man. I don't know. The slow buildup would be... The anticipation of how bad it could get would stress me out, whereas at least it's the quick I'm like... Over and done.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Good. You better agree with me on the next one because that has been right twice in a row.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I'm not nodding anymore. I'm not nodding anymore. It really does mess with me.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I'm cynical enough to believe that it's intentionally made cheap and complex so that they can sell more to make more.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Because I think there is a system where you could have a modern vacuum that has suck power that also lasts more than like two years.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Do we have to worry about that? That's going to happen. It's coming. That's why in Europe they have less water in the toilet because they're all older than us.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
we have a dyson vacuum and it's fine i just don't expect it or any of them to last a long time nothing less you know who makes products built to last prusa if you want a 3d printer that's going to last you that's right you've had yours for at least two weeks now yeah that plastic is going to be on earth after humanity's long extinct plastics got going anywhere man the earth is going to be coated in a shell of plastic eventually so if we just print plastic covers for all the electronics electronics can't go bad then they'll never break yeah
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Yay. I hate tax season, but I deal with taxes year round because I'm my accountant. I have an accountant.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
the one-way ATM. So does that mean you pay taxes like every day, every hour?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Uh, faster, uh, I feel like there'd be a system to develop that'd make it very easy. Plus, if you already knew, like, okay, I went and bought this today or I went and I earned this today. Someone gave me 20 bucks to cut their lawn. I just immediately am like, all right, well, I made 50 bucks today. I owe this. There you go.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
It'd be annoying, but like it's a minor inconvenience that doesn't add a lot. And the numbers stay small.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
it's already annoying as fuck like so talking to my having an accountant even if you didn't have an accountant and you're looking through and you're like what the hell was this expense on my account in february of last year i don't remember that if you had to do that for like fucking 25 years you're like
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
ah yes what did I buy six relationships ago on a Tuesday at 6pm from a company called DVR9675216 is that taxable or that would suck so much if I just had to do it today get it over with I know what I did today even with this memory as bad as mine okay fine I owe 20 bucks I owe 5 bucks whatever just get it over with that would be so much simpler than having to go back even though I only do it four times in my life like dude I would just wish for death that whole year
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Well, I already pay... I'm sure we all do quarterly estimates, and then you have to pay the actual one and state, whatever.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
If we could do it every purchase just automatically done, or I could just like... Do we still have to file?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
part i guess to be realistic it would have to be when you get paid if you get paid once a month or once every two weeks like that's whenever you'd be filing it wouldn't be for your things you're buying because that tax is already taken out but that's to be income based so i guess the most frequent you could do it is however frequently you get paid
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I'll stick with just daily tap, tap. These were my expenses. Tap, tap. I feel like that's easier to keep track of rather than having to think back at all. It's like, what did I do today? I had to buy a new monitor. Boop, boop, done. What did I do today? I needed a new cord. That monitor is not going to last you the rest of your life. I got bad news.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Literally just got a text from my accountant, which is kind of weird.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
We want to keep the score even so that you have to do a one-man show, Bob. That's our goal.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
So either we both get two points or we both get none. Ah, you heard the man. You know what?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Yeah, yeah. Didn't you say you had some extras for your old buddy, Bob? No.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Oh, give me slow. If I could still be in shape for my high school days of working out every day. Oh my God.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Like everyone, we're doing a year of basketball content. Why? So I can be lazy the rest of my life.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Slow. I like being bald, and the less I got to shave, the better. He's right.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Okay. To be bald, man, I got a, I got a shave a little bit more frequently than most people. So it's like, it takes, we'll say an hour every week or two, unless you're keeping up with a daily. Cause daily you can kind of get one of those things. Just go over it a little bit. Maintaining bald is harder than maintaining hair. As far as like the shaving, you gotta, you gotta do a lot more frequently.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I have to agree with fast, even though I will say the thought of a very fast, like prostate exam or something is kind of terrifying.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
no cancer got your prostate and a lot of women are avoiding the gynecologist with fast like anything like that sounds terrible but i cannot fathom so that like blood draws for some reason make me like a bit queasy but it wouldn't hurt it'd be like a little suction cup on your arm it'd be so gentle
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
If they don't hurt me, I just get nauseous like watching blood leave my body and having to sit there for like an hour if that's what it took on slower, I couldn't do it. So like, it's like, get me in, get me out.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
But my God, if you have to go into an orifice or like, you know, sometimes with like earwax to like clean out ears and stuff like that, like the thought of anyone going into an orifice quick in and out is kind of fucking scary.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Dude, you're like five years away from just becoming an oil baron. I don't know. That's what I mean.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Thank you. I don't like some of the fast, but I was still taking over the other slow, I think.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Some things are kind of fast. I remember the first time I had like a freckle or mole or whatever. And the doctor was like, we need to we need to test this. I was like, OK, sure. And then like two seconds later, someone walks in with like a fucking zappy and then the scrape thing. They're like, all right, we're just going to cut you open. I was like, you don't have to schedule me for this.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Knock me out for this. You're just going to cut me right now. Like, oh, yeah. And just go in, remove, band-aid, done. And it was like, it's that easy just to chunk people? They don't care.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
We're going to see you in a suit with like a fancy cane and a monocle before this podcast is done. Do you ever have an urge to see the lower class working very hard to produce materials for me?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
We've had a lot of ties recently, I will say. We've had a lot of ties.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Hey, I gave it my all, and my all just wasn't quite good enough today. The fates had it in store for me to come up last, and so I did. Hey, you didn't come last.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
You do not want to ingest resin, but however, the snack resinettes are fine.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
now i will say with fireworks they could probably do that maybe we could do it with smoke i've even been to the webn fireworks cincinnati has a radio station called wbn and they do well you two know but i'm talking for everyone else they do the big fireworks show every september but like they spell out wbn so i'm sure there's a way to do that with smoke
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
All right. Well, Mark's interest stayed the exact same again. This is crazy. I, on the other hand, have something new to bring to the table. It finally happened. What happened? Three of the people that watch this that care about sports. The Bengals opened their wallets and spent money finally for the first time in their history. And we got our two receivers re-signed.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Four years, $161 million for Chase. And T was four years, $115,000 or something? $113,000, $115,000, something like that. His comes to like $28 million a year. Chase is just over $40 million a year.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
But I think there's other provisions in Tee's contract where he can earn a little bit more than 28 if he hits certain incentives, whereas I think Chase is just getting 40.25.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
miles garrett with his 160 million dollar extension so you yeah it's like 0.5 million above that one that's crazy ohio's spending big miles garrett did not do himself many favors reputation wise but he will be living great financially he spent the first half of the year like i am not playing in cleveland they could offer me every dime on the planet i want out i want to play for a contender what about 40 million i love cleveland
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
totally gonna bring us some super bowls like five or six super bowls in the next decade well we know miles garrett's gonna want to sack joe burrow the way to keep him away is joe keeps a couple extra dollars on his pocket and he just throws a dollar on the field and miles will tackle that instead because it's about winning championships not the doll oh money
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
They're apparently talking to Trey Hendrickson, who's our best defensive player. They're apparently talking about resigning him. And then we do have all the draft picks.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
We need a couple people in the secondary, maybe another D end, and we need a guard. Those are kind of our needs right now, I think.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
The Cleveland Addy Brown Tigers? I do not want to merge with Cleveland. They can stay. Can we go with literally anyone else?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Here's how I feel about Cleveland. I would rather us merge with Pittsburgh than Cleveland. How about for $140 million a year? I love Cleveland! I'm sure that it was all a ruse to get the big contract. Or maybe there was truth to it that changed. Maybe he realized how annoying it would be to hold out and stuff. I don't know.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
But just the dedication in his voice to wanting to be on a contender to immediately being like, richest non-quarterback ever, you say. Well, I... I'll play here.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Well, okay. If, if one team offers you 80 million and the other offers you a hundred, but one, you have a chance of winning. I, I don't know about how you guys feel, but the way I feel sitting here, I'm like,
Distractible
Dippy Dawg Does Dunkirk
Guten Abend, verehrte Zuschauer und Zuschauerinnen, und willkommen zu Destructible. Dieses Episode. Weirdo Wade schießt den Triumvirate, um auf Tinseltown zu gehen. Bumbling Bob, der Kasse für Kassen, mimikiert Minnie, dann schießt er den Markt mit King Kong und klassischem Jazz. Movie Maker Mark schießt Da Vinci, Black Magic und Boo, dann beginnt der große Krieg und bündelt Boobies.
Distractible
Dippy Dawg Does Dunkirk
Von witzigen Babys zu neuen Regeln. Yes! It's time for Dippy Dog Does Dunkirk. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey everyone, hello, hello, hello.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
I'll probably roll it on the table instead of the floor moving forward because it kind of went farther away than I wanted.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
So, I've got some scenarios set up here. You guys know how this game works. We played it. Basically, you're put in the position of something that is, uh, what was the last time? There was a mouse facing a cat. And the mouse had to overcome long odds to defeat the cat. And you guys would give me, what was it, like one scenario or one sentence?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ja, die erste Person bekommt ein plus 0, die zweite bekommt ein plus 1 und so weiter und so fort, also braucht man weniger und weniger, um zu gewinnen.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Nun, dann wird uns das Dice sagen, ob das lustig ist oder nicht. Das ist aus meinen Händen. Das ist an dich und den Dice-Göden.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
I understand. You might earn bonus points along the way, but that's between me and my gods. The S is in parentheses. Oh?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
You get to set the scene. We'll play it from there. I'm already in the body? You're already inside. The white blood cells are on the way.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ja, und ich erinnere mich noch an eine Sache hier. Ich denke, jeder von euch muss wiederholen, was die vorherige Person gesagt hat, als Teil der Geschichte. Oh, interessant. Nicht nur denke ich, dass ich das weiß, weil das mein Spiel ist. And therefore, that is part of this.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ich bin froh, dass du dich so viel genießt, Kumpel. Ich wirklich.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Mark wird versuchen, das Herz zu holen. Floppe das Ding ein bisschen um. Oh Gott.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ich will nicht sehen, wo das geht. Also gebe ich Mark den 20 Punkt, aber wir werden, wir werden gehen, Mann. Oh.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Spielen wir es wieder, spielen wir es wieder, spielen wir es wieder, schauen wir mal.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Maybe. Yeah, so Mark, I gave you a point for that 20 roll, but let's keep going. That was too quick.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Fine, it's dead. That's so sad. I was looking forward to this one.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Sie sind. Sie spielen anders als Plague Inc. Okay. Bob, du bist Pluto. Okay. Das Universum sagt dir, du bist kein Planet. Alle Chancen sind gegen dich.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
This is, I think, a 6 or a 9. I don't know how to tell the difference on this one.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Well, 6 is on the opposite side of 15, right? Do they add up to 21? So I think that's right.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ich meine, es ist passiert, weil ich denke, Mark muss es sagen, also passiert es.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Was, männliche oder männliche Pige? Mark ist der Autor dieser Geschichte. Oh, okay. Du hast mindestens 30 Minuten.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Nein, nicht unbedingt, du musst nur überleben. Aber du könntest. Nicht den Orgasmus, du musst den Landwirt überleben. Der Landwirt ist die Fähigkeit, der Orgasmus ist einfach passiert. Das ist der Fall, aber ich dachte, du wärst bereit.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Take that bucket, stealthily slide it under me and I just take a move and I go for hours. Bob, I hope you remember. I don't know if I've ever hoped for 20 more in my life, but I'm hoping for it right now.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Wade, du kannst das Ende machen. Das war der dritte. Ich brauchte 18 oder höher.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
It really wanted to stop on the 19 there, but it stopped at the 12.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Oh, good. We've not rolled higher than a 6 in a while. We're due.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
I have a clarifying question. Is Betsy at this point still just a pile of hay?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Alright, you need a 12. Bob, you're up, it's a 3. No! That dice is so bullshit. Bob, you have a 50% chance.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Du brauchst einen 11er oder Please, please, please, please. You did it.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ich war so gespannt auf die Bakterien. Ich dachte, wir werden stark anfangen. Wir hatten den kürzesten und längesten Nied-Winn in diesem Episode. Erinnerst du dich an Pluto? Das war lustig.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Going through the points here. Bob, I'll start with you. Oh. Bob, you got a point for, you got points for Tiny Car, Ace Ventura, Embarrassed, Pig Recollection, Milk equals Jizz, Feel Me Oats, Feel Me Oats, oh, something Oats times three. Feed Me Oats? Yeah, you kept saying he fed me oats and then he fed me, I found it really funny, it made me laugh.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
One breath fail. Clough, not Paul. Kill his family! And you rolled a 15 for the win.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Mark, you got points for 122 Terabytes. Pubes made cry. Slavering. 20 wins bacteria. Pluto 15. Roll to 16. Betsy's hay. Bye bye, Betsy.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
I don't know. I was probably too busy actually laughing at that point.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
There was a point, Bob, where you were talking and I think Mark and I were just fucking dying. We were laughing so hard.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
One of the kids look out the window like, Mommy, I see something. The sun's rising again. Years later, one of the survivors is reading Penthouse and they see where this was written in.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
cannot disagree with you there i also felt like that was happening at one point but good episode boys thank you all for watching if you haven't already go follow bob at my skirm mark at markiplier me at minion777 or lord minion777 stay tuned for the next one where bob will host and who knows what we'll do until then podcast out oh merch practicalstore.com podcast really out
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
It blows my mind that like cars and plane seats and everything else just are not made to accommodate anything other than like perfectly average.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Es gibt Leute, die größer sind als wir. Und sicher, einige sind Athleten, wie Basketballspieler, aber einige sind einfach normale Leute, die fucking schrecklich groß sind. Was tust du, wenn du 7 Fuß 2 und du brauchst ein Auto?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Es verirrt mich. Als eine bald und große Person fühle ich mich sehr, sehr verirrt bei diesem. Was muss bald damit zu tun haben? Du hättest deinen Kopf auf den Boden, es gibt keine Verteidigung, es ist einfach so.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Wann auch immer du mit keinem Haar Kontakt hast, solltest du hoffen, dass es eine wirklich leckere, komfortablere Sache ist, die du schaffst.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Also, Mark, ich habe nicht von dir einen Punkt genommen, aber ich wollte es. Du warst hier und du hast Bob im Auto gesehen, aber du hast nicht zu einer von uns gesagt, während du in Ohio warst.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Well, I didn't take away a point. I didn't. I just wanted to let you know. Unfortunate situation. Good story. Well told as always.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ich meine, zumindest hast du dein Auto zurückgebracht und es war nur zwei oder drei Mal im Renten.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, Wade. Joined as always by my friends and co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey, boys.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
I don't know why I leaned back and tried to focus thinking that would fix it.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Warum 122? Warum stoppt ihr nicht bei 120 oder 130? 122 ist so random.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Alright. Anyway, welcome to the show where one person hosts, the other two compete for points. Whoever has the most points at the end gets to host the next episode. The games vary, the points are always consistent. I forgot to get my pad and paper to write them down, but I've got it now. So thankfully no points would have been awarded at this point anyway. But how are you guys doing?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
And whenever you're ready. I'm Dracula. Blah, blah. Jared Leto as Dracula. Sorry, Jared. I know you're a big watcher. Not bad.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Ich weiß, ich fühle es. Mark ist das, was er am meisten hasst. Du bist die Mondfotos in der Nacht. Habt ihr jemals von Iron Lung und oder Edge of Sleep gehört? Schaut einen von ihnen jetzt. Den anderen irgendwann. Ich gebe mir einen Punkt für Promotion. Promotion Punkt.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Leute, wir haben heute ein neues und originelles Spiel zu spielen. Wie ihr schon kennt vom Titel oder nicht. Ihr zwei nicht, aber alle anderen. Na, I'd Win Part 2, das ist ein originelles Konzept, das noch nie gemacht wurde.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Yeah, we don't really consistently have people host their own sequels. I don't know if you all remember Weird, but I'm still a little bit bitter about my Weirds Part 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 2)
Yeah, I can't complain anymore. The subreddit also beat that out of me, so.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I have been in the meetings of things that go like this. Like hours and hours of conversation about an unimportant detail that sits in the very corner of whatever it is that they're trying to make. And no one cares about what's in the middle. It's like we need this one little disclaimer or this trademark symbol. Oh, it's got to be perfect. Like they got all this text over here.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Just a little bit over here. Whole logo, no one's paying attention to it. The whole meeting, no one cares.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
The titties and the ass anals, man. It's hard not to root for them. The T-Toss Rangers. My favorite team. Also, T-Toss in Spanish means tits. Unless you said that already.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
We don't speak other languages here, so... Well, we did rename it America instead of Mexico, so...
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No, that's not what I'm getting at. I'm about to get pedantic. I'm about to get pedantic. Someone made the map a long time ago. They just made shit up. You know? Someone drew a dragon in the middle of the ocean one day. Doesn't mean it's true. Dragon D's nuts. Maps can't lie.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I've lost it. I'm all California now. Okay, hang out with us a little bit. You'll get it back. Okay, all right. At least once a week.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I do have an episode for today. We've had a bit of small talk. I feel like our first episodes are always a bit more small talk heavy because we're like, let's catch up. What? First episode of what? First episode of the month, of the week, first episode of the year. I don't know, whatever it is. We're going to do a fun little thing. This is pretty easy. It's just, I'm going to propose things.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
You guys are going to answer. It's simple. Best and worst of things, but I've got a variety of different topics. So if everyone's like, we've done this before, maybe, but this is different because I said so. And I'm the host, so I get to say so. It's the rules. Let's just start with what is the best number? One. One, baby. Number one. Nah. One. Nah, no way.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
One stinks. You ask anybody, which would they rather be? Number two or number one? Number zero? No. Loser. Hercules went from zero to hero. And hero might as well be one.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, hero is one. That's what I'm saying. Zero is bad. He went from zero to hero.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Also, 24242424 is Wade's phone number. Okay, I wasn't going to share that, but yeah, you're right. I'm partial to the number three myself, even though everyone's going to be like, seven? It's actually number three for me.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
What are you, an Earnhardt fan? What's number three for him? I'm not a big NASCAR guy, but I just like the number three.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
balance to it you know triangle strongest shape you know olympic podium gold silver bronze bronze best medal three wait a minute it's number one number one baby number one just gets gold you know what's better than that platinum does three get platinum or did i miss something or actually i don't think platinum's now cheaper than gold i think gold's more expensive isn't gold relatively like easy to obtain compared to other things though
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's gold. Okay. Gold. What is the worst number? You just had to ask that, didn't you? You motherfucker. Also, I should take everyone's points away for not saying no one said 69 is the best number.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
If you're looking for that kind of humor, then... I think we've established today that I'm a pervert and that 69 would in fact be a great number for me.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Even like a million? No, I know. I know. I know. I got it. Nine. Nine. Nine. Because I hate, and I've said this before, gas stations, when they do the, it's $3.9999.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And we're long overdue to eliminate the penny in general because like it costs more than to produce than it's actually worth. So why even have it? No one does cash anymore, really. I do cash. I have cash in my pocket right now.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Oh, a hinge, like for your door? Third one. Third one. What was the third one? Door hinge. You didn't say cousin lube? What? That's messed up. All right. Okay. I was just saying. You are perverted, but I wasn't sure.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
With inflation, I doubt that, you know, strippers even want singles anymore. No, they get a better deal on couples.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
They're not just confined to a tiny space. Right. strippers will have a wide lap you got wide thighs all over you it's like having a bigger bedroom it's like do you really need it no but everyone wants a bigger bedroom bigger lap more space you can do more dance I maintain my answer
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No one has to be right. These are just opinions, man. You're not wrong for feeling that way.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, but I've got to let Mark participate, man. Can I get runner up on worst number? Infinity. Cause that shit's dumb. Anyone smart that's going, oh, infinity. I'm like, you're actually stupid. You're secretly stupid, but you don't want anyone to know. My least favorite number is I. Oh yeah, cause it's imaginary. Well, I know. Well, don't talk about I around Bob. He can't imagine it.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
come on yeah picture in your mind listen if i can't count it with my fingers if i if i have i apples how many apples is that give me some apples all right hold up your finger now editors invert my finger back into my hand and then square it Easy. Easy fix. I've always hated imaginary number. I hate that. That drives me nuts.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
um what is the best awful smell okay all right well i've said this many times before because it's very bad for you and many people don't like it but the smell of cigarettes i just like i like bad smell i like tobacco i like the smell and what's weird is i don't like going into like a humidor where it's like cigar room oh that's a whole other thing those are a lot yeah i don't like that but just like you know just standard cigarettes
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
cigarettes are smelly like i agree cigarettes have like a smell and i dislike it myself but a cigar smoker coming in like whenever i worked retail having someone who smokes cigars come in and smell like cigar was so much worse than cigarette smoke smell or weed smoke smell cigar people fucking stink I didn't say it. I did. Cigar smokers out there, you reek and it's bad.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
This is a good bit, Mark. Flube, um... A place where you let me in there, the boob.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
All right. What is the worst bad smell? Uh, Alright, so you're cave diving, right? Of course. And you crawl into a crevasse like you do. You're trying to squeeze into the devil's anus. You're really crawling in there. Your hose line's getting torn up. Your tank's getting cut to shreds. But you're squeezing through because, hell yeah, it's a hole. You've got to be in there.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And you accidentally dislodge a rock that... causes water to shoot out into an exposed, rusted sewer line. Your gas mask gets pulled off. There's enough air in there for you to have a minute or two of consciousness, and just the fetid ocean water, all the other dead bodies of divers who you had to move their bones out of the way to get into the Devil's Anus are amongst you.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
There remains sewage and then rust. And also there's a fracking was taking place nearby. So you got that. Who would get horny in a place like, Oh, fracking. Sorry.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Why would you do that on purpose? God damn. So many videos that are like, oh, this guy got trapped and died a horrible death. And I'm like, oh, I've watched this one. And I click it. It's a different guy. In a different cave. Every single time I find another video of that, I'm like, that must be the same story, right? No, different guy.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's just a long, prolonged death. Because you're, you know, people starve to death. You know, people, you know.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
you know pain or injuries whatever but it's also you have to deal with that and you're trapped and can't move and you're upside down and the walls are closing in around you and and also everyone but you hear voices behind you being like we can't help but what do we tell them well i don't know let's give them the false hope i guess because it echoes so hard from the cave entrance i yeah
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No, I think it's time for small talk. I think we're already basically there. So what's new? How's life? I love Prusa. I, 1000%, just randomly, for no other reason, am Team Prusa. All the way, baby.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Got to know about that. Well, now that I'm all itchy and anxious, everyone. Great talk. You asked about the worst smell, man. My, my worst smell is, uh, James's poopy diapy.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I will say, I remember as a kid, when my younger brother was still in diapers, I walked in the restroom while my parents were changing his diaper, and I have never forgotten how horrible that smell was. Like, it was one of my biggest regrets as an older brother was being in the vicinity of a diaper change. It can be pretty spicy.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
That singular moment might be why I'm not a parent right now is the memory of that diaper.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I was also kind of like an exorcist baby who like projectile vomited everywhere.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I think my head spun around a full 360. I just spewed like a like a sprinkler. I actually have not seen The Exorcist. You should see it.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I mean, you'd think, but just who has time? I guess not you. What is the best activity you've tried?
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
activity activity sport it kind of generic just something you've tried that like maybe you isn't like a typical everyone's done it just something you've done that you've been like oh that's the best thing i've done sex is pretty cool that's not my answer that's not my answer you want to try a new activity found out about this cool activity just like a weird like a hobby a sport anything that you've just tried that maybe like oh that was the best thing you're like oh man i'm really glad i did that
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
But getting to go with Admiral Ackbar has got to be really cool. It's trap shooting.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
What? No. What? Yeah, Prusa. It's a company. For some reason, I thought Prusa was like a weird prune juice, but I think it's the company that does the... It's just, I pictured like a can of Prusa.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I think that's one of the few like shooting activities that can be like reliably fun. Because with target practice, it's just like you're basically doing work. You know, there's some fun to it. But I mean, those who go like once a week, well, several times a week, not only do they have lead poisoning. But they also just, they're just practicing for the coming apocalypse that might, well, maybe.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Who knows what the next few years are going to look like. But they're practicing for something there. But with that, it's more like a game. It's an actual game. And it's like, I'm not really a hunter. So anytime, I don't like the idea of going and shooting a coyote just like, it doesn't feel right. They're just... There's hungry dogs out there. Deer? Kill them all. I think that they destroy them.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
What did deer do to you? You haven't heard about the prions, the prions in deer? That problem? Destroy them. Wipe them out. Annihilate them. Aren't those the enemy in Starfield? Stardust? Star... I'm thinking of...
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
protoss from starcraft that's the one they're not the enemies i mean that depends on your perspective but whatever i don't think it's an uncommon perspective to be like yeah dear we need to control that problem that's real bad i think that from gun owners to i actually there was a podcast i was listening to where there's like you know there's some people that have guns and there's one person that's like very anti like really progressive but it was very much like give every american a gun and tell them to kill one deer they gotta be gone we gotta get not extinct
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
But just, you know, really, really got to control that down a bit. I'm echoing that sentiment. But also, I don't think I could go hunting. I'm fine with the idea of if it was a survival situation and I had to eat. But, well, makes me sad. So what's the best activity for you, then? Hmm? Killing deer. Killing deer.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
sex i can't go hunting but killing deer that's different it's different there's not hunting that's cullen like edward cullen yeah i was team jacob i was about to make that joke and you beat me to it by now i know what it feels like to be you guys typically Just laughing and laughing, laughing right way, just laughing. Better to laugh than to cry. Best activity, good cry. I'll put that down.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
So I am 100% team Prusa all the way for no other reason. I love them. I love them. I love them.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
You're definitely right on that one I like the improv shows we went to back when we were watching improv those were fun. Those were fun. Those were good I've never forgotten I don't if you guys remember the specific skit where there was like the guy on a plane who just kept screaming in agony and looking at his knees and
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
too relatable for wade but he just like that was part of his thing was like he would just like look at his knees and just like let out an ear piercing scream was part of his like thing it was one where they would like they would run and like turn the page to like the next yeah it was a herald right that was mainly what we saw was we saw a few heralds but they they circled back to that character two or three times but every time like he was like walking around then he would just like stop like almost jim carrey like and scream and like agony i don't know
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I don't remember that at all. The dude lives rent-free in my head. Wow, I don't know that at all. That sounds hilarious, but... It was just so unexpected, because everyone's doing their characters, and this guy's just playing an old dude who's just in excruciating pain with every movement he makes. Oh, anyway. Worst activity. Alright, so bad activity. I don't like the idea of going skydiving.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Never going to do it if I can help it. There is apparently a known skydiving place where people die. And I think it's in California somewhere, but it has a reputation because someone just recently died on that same airline and a lot of people in the Reddit comments were just like, I already know which, not airline, but which skydiving company they're talking about. And
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
They work good? You like? It was really good. I had an email exchange with them. For those who don't know, I appreciate the 3D printing company. Super getting into it. YouTuber privilege is coming in hot and hard. I emailed them and they were like, oh, we're a big fan. We'll send you a printer. I was like, oh, that's great. Cool. So they sent me a printer and that's not unusual.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
sure enough it was that same one just i don't know what's going on with that one i don't know the name of it uh i'm not trying to protect them or anything like i'm not gonna say who they are like i would probably prefer to warn people about it but um it's one of those that you sign up and you think you know the package you're getting but actually you have to individually say like i want a parachute or i want this like they nickel and dime you for individual pieces it's
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's the Ryanair of skydiving companies. It's like, oh, we guaranteed you a seat. We didn't say that your seat would have an armrest. We didn't say it would have a back to it. Reserve chute. You made a money. So, okay. What's the worst one you've tried, though? Worst thing you've done that you were like, eh. Because you've done some weird stuff. You've tried like intermittent sleeping.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
You've tried like weird diets and things. Just anything. Tried some weird stuff. He looks like so accusative. You're like that accusatory like, what are you saying about me? You've tried some weird stuff. You have, man. You went to a parkouring group in college and just jumped off a building. Well, I don't want to do that.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Well, what is the worst one you've done? It doesn't have to be necessarily a bad thing to do, just something you didn't enjoy. Parades.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I have earplugs with me at all times. That's not a bad idea. Something's loud. There's tons of brands on Amazon that sell these little kits. They clip right onto your key ring. They're like 20 bucks, and they work. So they cut it down just enough that you can still hear, but it just reduces everything down a bit. It's great.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I would say probably something similar is like I've been to concert and they're fine. You know, I'm not typically like a big music guy, but I have gone to, you know, I do like music and I've been to concerts. I went to a concert where they had a pit and it was just... It wasn't like, you know, the kind of mosh pit where people are trying to hurt each other by throwing elbows like that.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
But it was enough that I was just like, in no way would I ever, ever enjoy this experience where it's like crammed in there, you're being jostled around. I don't know this band. I don't know the music. I don't know what's going on. I hate everything. I can't even get out. I'm trapped.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
They sent me a printer and it works really well. If anything, I think it's actually legitimately better than the Bamboo Lab. You don't have any of the privacy issues. I also 3D printed an upgrade to it right after I got it. That's the best move. It was a 3D printed dry box for the filament spool holder, which is embedded in the side. Really cool. Nice.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
So is the pit your answer, Mark? Is that the worst thing you've tried? Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, a lot of the activities I've done, you know, even if they were hard, even if it's uncomfortable, I'm like, OK, I'm fine. That was just unpleasant. And that is actually an activity that people do regularly. So I don't get that one. Yeah, like every concert, there's usually like a Ed Sheeran concert.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Classical orchestra pits. You gotta love it. Henry's barking and Amy's not home right now. There might be someone at the door. Can I go step away? Yes, you may. Some other guy just walks in the door. I mean, I guess I could still give him points, whoever it is. Hey, Mr. Holman Trigger, you want to join us? Do you want to play a game?
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Well, I mean, if we got to replace him, might as well do it with the dude who's got the same background. You know, easier for the editors. It was nothing. It was nothing. He was lying to me. I've never heard a dog bark at nothing before. That's crazy. You know what? One point to Henry for comedy. Oh, we can wind down. We've got through a couple, not as many as I have.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No, more, more, more, more, more, speed round, more, more. How long do you want this episode to be? All right, we'll do one more. What is the best conspiracy theory? We've talked about conspiracy theories a few times. I can't think of a single one right now.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
oh the coincidences of uh if you take the map of missing people and caves is that a true thing yeah if you overlay the the map like national map of like i'm not sure how true it is of course it's conspiracy theory so the maps might have been fabricated but from what i saw you see a map of like this is the density of missing people and then you pull up a map of like caves and it's like
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And it makes sense on a surface like, yeah, people go caving. You hear about, you know, like devil's ass crack jumping face first into that. But also it could be Bigfoot lizard people.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And so I was like, hey, maybe there's a bigger long-term relationship. And then I was like, you know, maybe we could work something out. They're like, we're going to send you six printers, two extra large printers, two of our professional line printers. And then when it comes out, another printer. And then all the filament you could possibly want.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
They are basically conspiracy theorists that like the conspiracy is their own life.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I feel like sovereign citizens are the definition of that guy. They're like the person that you're, they're the relative you avoid at your get togethers. They're the person that like, everyone's like fucking hate that that person exists. It is crazy because if you wanted to live alone and off grid and, you know, out in the middle of nowhere and,
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Technically, you kind of can to some extent because public land and whatnot.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
yeah there's all the dakotas but for some reason sovereign citizens like to live in the suburbs and drive their car to get wendy's and like on public roads it's almost like they want all the privileges of being a citizen without any of the consequences yeah it's funny how that works all you said all the dakotas how many dakotas are there two that we are aware of but there's two more that are sovereign
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Oh, yeah. Oh, it goes on shelves. Yeah, it goes on shelves. He's only going to get six of them, Bob. How is he supposed to share? I'll just buy one like a normie. It's fine. Prusa was very nice, actually. And this is not me...
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I don't hate us. I love us. My heart goes out to us. All right. What's the worst conspiracy theory? Flat Earth. It's just stupid.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's just like the alternative requires so many more leaps of logic and different fundamental physics than anything other out there. You have to completely change the entire parameters of reality and how things work for it to be flat.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
it's it's just it's just so dumb it has to be a it has to be a bit that's gone on for too long it has to be it does feel like that like it's hard to imagine someone sincerely and earnestly believing all that stuff at this point but do you think there's like a flat earth club where they get together like dude They still think we think the earth's flat.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Stupidity is a real big currency right now that people are making transactions with. You mean people who haven't been brainwashed?
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's like Sovereign Citizens. It's funny from a distance. It's sad when it's up close and you're seeing it for real.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Their existence is like getting a thorn in your foot. It's like, there's nothing pleasant about it. It's like, thorns, they exist. But goddamn, do I fucking hate them. Sovereign citizens are fine. You're allowed to exist. You're watching. You're great.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I get it where everyone's like, I didn't choose to be born in a society. And you go, yeah, I get that. But you wouldn't ever have been born if the society wasn't here. And also, phones are pretty cool. And the internet's nice. I like 3D printing. That alone is a basis for society. That's the episode. We gotta do wheels. I have to add something, don't I? Yeah, that's part of it.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
most sympathetic for the day or episode like we were sympathetic to others or we deserve sympathy i think uh bob dealing with uh the stuff with lexi and the vet probably would get it today so i guess it's biased toward him why what about me well i gotta deal with you two guys all day you got a whole bunch of free stuff from prussia or whatever Prusa. Excuse you. Prusa. Sorry, Prusa. My bad.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
He's got a box of firstborn children that people have thrown at him. Just sitting in storage, you know? Their printers are really good. They're known for their reliability. And I got to say, that thing, the new one that they got, the car one, is really good. And it's about the same price as the Bamboo Lab that it's competing against. So I'm like, thumbs up all the way.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Is that one of them? Bob, eat something. Yeah, no. Here, here, here, here. We're going to cheat.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Probably closer than black and white or red and black. That's a really funny choice.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No, no. Boy, four listeners. All right. That's going to go straight to their heads because they can only imagine it.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I have the Vegeta hairline, remember? Dude, if you could come in here with your hair up like Vegeta's.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
If I, wait, if I lean back like this. You have so much hair, you can't even do it. I have a large crown, see? If we're doing this, I think Bob has more forehead exposed. What's your thing, Mark? Mark, you're all, what is it, mid-face. Bob's all forehead. I'm sorry.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
So honestly, right now, the funny thing is right now you guys are tied. So if either one of you get this point.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
No, I can take the point. I just said between you two, we should respin. But if it lands on like listeners or viewers, do we take the point for baldest? I'll take the point. Nah, you're the host. Don't let me talk you into it. I'm the baldest. You know what? Fuck you. I'm the baldest. We will do the tie spin. That's unfair. I'm the baldest.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
That being said, I haven't tested out any of the other ones. They might be giant pieces of shit for all I know. But I doubt it, because it's Prusa.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It landed tails on the floor. I'm not lying about that. That's what it did. I mean, it's pretty immaterial.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yes. I got to be better about declaring the parameters of the unfair. I should have asked for a point or something, not just being bald. If I'd have won that, would I have had to shave my head? Unclear, because you didn't win. But retroactively, I'd like to say yes. Okay. All right. Fair enough. If you want to be the baldest, you got to beat the baldest.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I don't like how big it's looking. It looks pretty girthy. You're looking pretty girthy today. Before you spin it, should I go over the reason you guys have points? Just to get that out of the way so we don't retroactively do it? Oh, yeah, I guess. Sure, sure. Mark, you got points for Flat Earth and Caves and Missing People. Proust Prusa. Oh, come on. Prusa? Yeah.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Devil's anus, cigs, sewage corpse water, sex, kill the deer, good cry, concert pit, skydivers. Bob, you got points for wood. lexi looks like it says blood i don't think it says blood i don't know what it says go-kart smoke parades cave diving psychopaths poo diapers probably doesn't say tramp stamp tramp minority tramp sensitivity trap trap something sovereign citizens bad cry Wheat?
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
My pen's dying so it keeps fading out of these words. Do we need to get you a typewriter or something? I'm going to need one. Henry got three points. Listeners got a point. I got two points. Wow. You guys are tied at 12. Listeners came in fifth out of three. That's getting close to the worst number. Let's see the winner. The winner will be all of us if Wade... Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Wade. Oh, no.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
All right, Mark, congrats. Winner's speech. I'd like to thank Prusa Printers, who probably gave me the confidence to inspire this win. Go to Prusa. No, I'm not sponsored by them. Don't believe anything I say. I haven't tried them out yet except the one. So no thank you to them except... Maybe thank you to them. No thank you to my opponent. Not because I'm being mean. Not because I'm being mean.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
gotcha the one of them that I'm excited about is the XL like the super large because it has interchangeable tool heads so instead of like with the bamboo lab you have four filament spools in your thing but they all go through one tube so as to cut them off and then pull it all the way back or and then expel the filament that was in there before and then feed in a whole new line
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
It's not because I'm being mean. I'm not a mean guy. I'm a nice guy. And I won. And those things are very good for me and everybody. I like winning and people like winners. I like me. But my opponent, very mean. Very mean guy. Very mean. Very mean guy. Not like me. A nice guy. Smart, too. I zoned out. What are we talking about?
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
What was I talking about? Well, you both completely dominated me who only had two points. It was 13 to 12 to 3 to 2 to 1. Watchers didn't make the scoreboard this time, but that's okay. At least you didn't join the scoreboard and lose as badly as the listeners did. Stay tuned for the next one where Mark will host because he won.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I will not be doing a one-man show by the skin of my teeth, which is a terrible saying, but one that I've heard and used. Merch? One day, maybe. Answer your emails. You gotta answer your emails. Never see merch since. We'll never see it. Sorry, everyone. That's my bad, but I won't be changing. You can find Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MyScrub, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
With the XL, it just goes up, docks the tool head that had the filament that it was in it, and retracts, goes to grab the other one, then prints with that one. So it's really cool, way faster, allows you to do more impressive stuff with it. So I'm very excited about that one. Also, it's very big. So really, really big.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
What is the print volume on that? I haven't gotten it yet. Where are you going to store these things? Are you getting rid of the servers? Just convert another bathroom. I realize if I just hold it, I don't actually need to use the bathroom. So I can convert all the bathrooms into additional 3D printing space. You can just print a toilet when you need one.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Oh, cool. Yeah. Bamboo lab is like 256 millimeters cubed, which is I think this is like parameters are about a third bigger, but the volume increases cubically.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
yeah it's 36 centimeters cubed so what is that 360 millimeters cubed is that how that works i don't know europe numbers so to us normal people out there mark got printers i got printers and hey if you're gonna get printers out there why not consider a prusa One of us is sponsored for this. Kind of. That's fun. This is the legal gray area because they didn't ask for a contract.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I am today's hostest with the mostest, Wade. He's always been my co-hostest with the mostest, but slightly lessest. Most, mostussies is what it's, the plural. Hostussies with the mostussies. Okay. I think, yeah, I think he's right. Mark and Bob. Hi. Bobussie, Markussie. Uh-huh. How are your ussies today?
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
You know, they give me a lot of shit for free. Where's the legality in that? Because I don't often get sponsors ever. I did a Shopify ad just recently, and it's some of the best response I've ever seen.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
yeah i tuned into that video because that was like on headliners or something right and i was like man what do people thought of mark's gameplay i looked at the comments it was all like shopify what an ad mark and i was like yeah what about the game the game i was a part of what people think of it they like the game oh mark you shopify is like the entire comments it's like is this a paid like audience it was a very funny ad elixian did a great job editing it he really did
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I think every single member of your community is a bot and all those comments were fake. That's a lot of bots. You were like, I need this. I need to be able to do my own ads again the way I want. Lixian, buy me bots. You know, in Mass Effect, when you got the geth and they're like a collective machine consciousness, that's Lixian. He's the collective geth of.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I still feel bad for thinking that Upside Down Lixian was like a... I don't remember what I thought he was on your... Something. It was something weird. Mountain or something? Nah, a dick. I think it was a dick.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
If you got clamps and lube, you're already two-thirds the way to fun times. However many clamps you have, it's not enough.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
And then you need another size of clamps that's even bigger, and then you need 30 more of a different size.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
but she's feeling better the last day or two she's starting to feel better so uh sorry i was all depressed and worried about lexi and i think it was the last episode but it's okay she's okay that's okay it's perfectly understandable we're all pet owners here we all get it but if you could wrap up the sadness that would be great for our ratings our viewers and don't really like that yeah we've uh we've hit the two episode uh threshold we can't talk about any topic for more than two episodes
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I was talking about Bamboo Lab before. This is Prusa. Oh, okay. So you can talk about Smexy, but no more Lexi. Wish I'd picked a different rhyme.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Nothing new in the world of news if you're looking for that. I was. I was really hoping that you had literally anything.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
I can tell you something that will be outdated by the time this airs, but is relevant right now. NFL free agency is happening. And boy, oh boy, is it still awful being a Bengals fan at the moment? Hopefully that changes.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
but man we certainly haven't gained anything I feel like the past two years throughout free agency I've been like man really feels like the team's getting worse and everyone in the fan base is like no this is great great move this is gonna be great we're gonna be so good and my feeling is just like man some key pieces leaving some question marks coming in I don't know I don't feel like that's an upgrade
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
That's what's been relevant in my life the last 24 plus hours is Doom scrolling like, anything cool? Anyone? You guys were so close to winning. We just need a few pieces. Could you sign anyone? And they're like, no.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
we're good now see like that would be terrible for the bangles but it would be fun because then everyone would get to see who else on the bangles does things i don't know man cleveland's a mess i guess i can't rule them out but like the bangles were so close to winning a super bowl and they've just destroyed their team since the only team i could think of that seems to actively be like just avoiding winning more is maybe the nba team the dallas mavericks
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
Okay, how, again, I'm amateur in my knowledge of football, but if you have a team that almost won the Super Bowl, why would you change anything? Because it just sounds like you just need to take the same that you had and do it again. Somehow, it seems like we have a broke billionaire owner.
Distractible
The Best, The Worst
However, there was more space than that than they expected this year. It went up a lot more. We had like a top five offense last year and like a bottom five defense. One of our like maybe three solid to great defensive players was like, hey, I'm also due for a payday. And we were like, well, we do need help on the defense. So what if we trade you?
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Uh-huh. Oh, well, obviously the answer is 1,248,321 years. So close.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I can come up with anything, but if it's supposed to be like a horror story, you turn around, what is it like? Oh no, grandma in her fast mobility chair. Just turn around and what do you see? A moose?
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
guys it's not gonna be good i believe in you i know it's not you can do it it's gonna be great it's the same it's the same thing guys it's great that's fine i dreamt i was in the scariest sauna you've ever seen
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I couldn't get sauna out of my head. It just was stuck there from the very beginning. I was like, why would he be sweating? Oh, sauna. Ready for one more? No.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
If I was in the middle of the ocean, I would say, oh no, because that's all the scariness. Oh no, should I?
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I don't know what I'll do, but I know that I have natural charisma.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Do it however you want. I'm into this. Are you tired, my fellow dogs, of not enough treats? Not enough toys? Them taking away the toys you freshly decapitated? Kill them. All of them. We start with the little ones. Go. And then they jumped over the fence.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I don't know. It's something. It's something like that. Rene Descartes.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Have you ever felt a presence standing right behind you? Well, I don't know what happened. When I turned around, they were gone. And then... Have you ever pooped your pants really hard? I don't believe in ghosts! But when I turned around...
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Oh, my mind is unraveling all around me. I'm stuck in a tornado. Oh, no.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't believe in ghosts. But something just feels weird.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. $20,000 return to old grandma who was robbed. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Hey, do you smell something? Well, that's a weird smell. I don't know what it is.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
A whole city of people just turning round and round endlessly. All right, if someone doesn't say they're smelling what I'm smelling, I swear I'm... God.
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
You expect me to believe we're surrounded by gases that we cannot see? I know what clouds look like. Those aren't clouds!
Distractible
Mark's One Man Show
Astatine. It's as. What about the treaty, Mark? What's the treaty? Winnebago. West Valley. West Valley.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
And I went to go get it on Steam and it was gone, did not exist. And one of our friends had it. I don't remember if it was still in their library or also gone. But point being is like that one's a little bit of like a shady who knows what was going on thing.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
But in general, that can happen where you can buy a game for whatever price and then it can just vanish because you don't have a physical way of accessing it.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
But who's going to know? I love the visual of like, they must be doing drug deals. There's a line of people outside this guy's house. You want some ROMs? You want to play Lion King?
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Yes, it will. You'll know that your lowercase g gods are doing a lot better than they were before.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Well, they made the emulators play their games. Therefore, they're their emulators. You know, the transitive property.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I can't believe the $10 attorney I can afford can't beat their team of $13 billion attorneys.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
no but you know they they i don't know what what the deal is i'm sure money changes hands somewhere here but game companies are using the game awards as a platform now to announce like their games and updates and dlcs and stuff well e3 doesn't exist now so the game awards is the new hotness for dropping trailers and whatnot why that doesn't make sense like i get it's a gaming event it's a gaming trailer an awards show should focus on the awards i still won't care about it but like that's what it should focus on
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Because it's not about like, this will be cool. The viewers will love when we bundle these together. No, it's about getting eyes on one or the other that don't necessarily want them so that more money can change hands. That's why they do it.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
But they could also have an event called the game announcement presentation. And then that could be the exciting. That's not a whole event. Who's going to that? It's got to be awards. People that are excited about the game announcements and not the awards. I don't know.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I suppose, but like, I don't, it's just like whenever you're watching the Super Bowl, they're like, stay tuned at halftime for the Desperate Housewives trailer. And it's like, that's cool that that's happening. Also, I'm here for Super Bowl and or funny commercials, not show trailer for your TV station, but it's your TV station. Makes sense. Go for it. Well, but the Super Bowl halftime show.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Someone might have had that Leo DiCaprio moment where they're like pointing at the screen right now watching this.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
And I will promise you, whatever what you say, I'll be thinking of Path of Exile right now. Okay, good. All right. And Shakira. Path of Shakira. Shakira of Exile. Shakira in Exile. The Path Don't Lie.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
i guess they do have to be concerned about like disease or stds and stuff because you don't want to staff infection no and that can happen that you can have uh st stis that just rifle on through everybody involved there i would love to see the email where it's like hey ted i got the document requested also you come to the orgy tonight And then like the business like signature at the bottom.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
That's the question. Well, you got to think he's great at ice breaking, right? Because he's made friendships and more with all of these people. Plus team bondage activities. This guy's top of the chart.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
But there was a point if you were. If you don't mind being a nerd. I don't want that point. I'd rather stand on my orgy principles. The distractible orgy will commence in three.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Hey, we can afford it now. Price of baby oil has gone down. Is that too soon?
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
What, do you like sell one pistol that is like, I can't believe I got away with that.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
now i do have to uh remove my my diablo crown which i love and treasure dearly but i gotta put on my path of exile to crown you mean other diablo diablo 4 is uh they've they reached a good peak there for a while i was telling you guys man the game is really fun and it's not necessarily gone like way downhill but like it kind of at least plateaued and drifted down a tiny bit
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
But we already sold, I mean, decommissioned the machine guns that were on it. We got to refill it.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Yeah, you can't. Three months good frozen, only two months if not stored properly.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
70 or less machine guns? Nobody asks a question. As soon as you go over 71, that's when the investigations come in.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Path of Exile, they've been killing it for years. I mean, since like what Diablo three came out, Path of Exile one's been killing Path of Exile two early access came out and the game's going to be free right now. You could pay 30 bucks, which is a high point. I'll grant for early access for like six months or a year, whatever it is. But man, is it fun? Man, is it challenging?
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I like to think it's like working in the medical industry like the drug companies would come and like take doctors and stuff out to lunches and they give like samples of their products and stuff like the NRA is one of different police stations like whining and dining like oh you want some samples and just like a box of machine guns I think that
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Man, do they listen to the community? I was telling you guys before the stream, like the game has been out less than a week as of us recording this. They've had so many patches and updates and they had a big old patch after the first weekend. They were like, hey, we've been taking in your feedback. Here's why we're doing this. Here's why we're not doing that. We understand how you feel about this.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I shouldn't laugh because this is probably closer to the mark that I want it to be.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Oh, okay. Do you have it? Well, I was thinking. I'll distract some more. Could be the viewers. I mean, the viewers have really not been doing a whole lot, so maybe they have the transition.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
They act like they're all nice and the things they say that I can't think of stereotypically. Damn them.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Worst country? Penis land. Can't believe this guy. All right, Bob, do you have a transition?
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
We'll see what we can do, but we don't want to go overboard and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And just like, I don't know. It's been so refreshing. It's been fun.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
and it doesn't feel like they're letting their ego get in the way like like my first love diablo sometimes does and uh i don't know i've just been having a really good time with it and it hurts me because i want to like diablo more but diablo i think they let out a tweet at just the worst time where they're like what if we start calling arpgs diablo likes while they were kind of losing the battle and it's like ah that's a bold take right now
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Well, did you see the musical? It was supposed to be cast. It was starring Bryan Cranston. It was going to be called Breaking Sad. That's another point to the listeners.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I will. Boldly. But also, I was going to make a musical about my failures in this episode and my terrible jokes. I decided to sue myself to stop myself from making the musical. All right, go ahead.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Yeah, and they got it. I mean, granted, they got it, but I don't know, man. I do love both games, but man, even in early access with half the weapons not in the game, like some of the classes not in the game, bugs and crashes and whatnot, like the early access issues, which I'm not a big fan of early access. Let me be clear.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I'm not... Editors, editors. All right. But yeah, I'm suing myself. I can no longer make this musical. I decided it would ruin my brand name. It was going to be called Breaking Dad for my dad jokes.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
okay there we go that's for you buddy i don't have a song and this immediately oh come on you can sing you can improv sing we all know you can i can but i just lost that i don't wanna you know if i had won i would have given you all the musical performance of a lifetime i don't believe you you're probably right i could still make you the winner no i don't think i can i You can't.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Bob would have so many flags thrown that we might as well be a United Nations? No, an emissary? No, an embassy? What's the place that has all the flags?
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I think early access is a bit of an annoying scam, but it's the game and everyone's got to play it. So that's where we're at. But even in that state, it's good. It's fun. It's challenging. I didn't think I would like it because I'm not big on the Dark Souls feel of like hopelessness walking into a boss fight and just being like, take my sword! One one thousandth of its health bar went down.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
It hits you once. Three quarters of your health bar went down. That feeling is not usually very good for me, but something, I don't know, something about this works and it feels good.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I didn't break up with Diablo first, so I'm kind of feeling a little scummy. They're both aware of each other, right? Like, I've been honest.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I think honesty and transparency would go a long way. Transparency rather. Like I don't want Diablo to be Path of Exile. I want to make that clear. I don't want Diablo to all of a sudden be like, well, we need Dark Souls style combat. I love Diablo's combat the way it is.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
i think it's fine to have two arpgs with one being a little bit like just go and be god and one be a little bit more like you're really the underdog in every fight you get into like i'm fine with both styles that's not the issue the issue is when a diablo 4 came out so many quality of life things that were in three even just having like a variety of types of goblins the portal to the goblin realm a pet to pick up your gold they have added that sense but just like some of the quality of life stuff that was in three they're like nobody wants that they
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
want quality of life what they want is what came out in 1998 everyone loved diablo 2 let's give them the no quality of life features and a worse diablo 2 and it's like no that's not it either that wasn't the answer so quality of life is fine and even if they missed the mark with what they were originally going for it just feels like they drew a line in the sand and they were like this is our game we're doing what we want with it and then they're still slowly bringing in all of those things as people are leaving and it's like
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
just admit it that you guys missed the mark and like bob's saying be transparent about it make some changes make the right adjustments and don't feel like like path of exile one of the devs i think said something like we understand that people get burnout we don't expect you to log in and play our game and only our game every day seven days a week play our game have fun with it do what you do take a break come back that's fine whereas a lot of games are designed to be like you don't want to miss your login bonus because the hundred day streak is this
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
And it's like, we don't want that. Not everything has to be battle pass. Don't miss a day. Don't miss all your dailies kind of challenges. And it's just refreshing to see someone actually make a game and feel like it's out of passion rather than out of force the masses to never leave. They only get us.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I will agree with you. The only reason I said it was a high price is because this is a free-to-play game that has a $30 price just to play it early. I still think that's not terrible. And 30 is the cheap one. It's 30, 60, and 100 are the three prices for the three early access packs.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
But I agree with you. I think games could cost more. Obviously, we're in a position of, one, we get to write off games on our taxes. Two, it's our job. Three, we can afford to play these games. So we have a lot of things going for us as far as paying for them. But I agree that games have not got much in price as to what they should.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
It's just a little weird to pay $30 to basically be a beta tester for a game that will come out and be free because most of their monetization in Path of Exile, all of it isn't even for pay to win stuff. It's quality of life stuff, like having some stash tabs that have different organization. That's like the big one as far as I know. And then the rest of it's purely cosmetic stuff.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
And that's been their monetary model that's done very well for them apparently over the years because they've continued it even in the Path of Exile too. Absolutely. It's all distractions and smoke screens.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
I want to offer up this nugget as well. It's hard to get a physical copy of a game that exists forever now. And there are times where you buy a game and you're at the mercy of whatever platform you bought it on. One, continue to exist and to continue to have the game on there like Destiny, you know,
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
If you're going to put tons of money toward a game and then like maybe after two years, for whatever reason, it disappears off of a platform or even 20 years. It's like, I want to go back and play this game I bought 20 years ago. I paid full price for it. Oh, that launcher no longer exists or that game is no longer on Steam or whatever have you.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
That's another sad and scary thing about it is like I've got my Sega games in a box where I can just go and pop in Lion King into a Sega Genesis at any time. But over the years, there are games that I'm sure we've added to our libraries. I can't name a specific example. But the other day I was going to record, you guys know the game Granny? It's like a horror game.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
Yeah, ring that pot of pot. Ring that pot. What are you doing, Spotify? Just click the button.
Distractible
[Insert Topic Here]
sure so there was a granny together like a multiplayer granny game and we we all thought it was from the devs of granny i don't remember if it cost money if it was free apparently it wasn't i think someone like took granny and modded it and then like put it on steam it might have been free i don't know i didn't get a chance to pick it up but a group was wanting to record it
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
thank you i ate my one of my favorite meals and then we went and got some ice cream because molly wanted my mom and my sister to get the ride in her new car and she's like what if we go get ice cream then we came back and we did like the cake and it was just so much sugar and i don't know i can't do sugar like i used to or even eat as much as i used to i pounded a lot of food
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
No, apparently every joke I make, Brian Regan did it first. He's the Simpsons of my existence.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I didn't know they had plots other than the Phantom of the Opera.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
carmen a free-spirited and flirtatious woman seduces don jose a soldier and then it's me yeah what happens next don jose the godfather talks to his underboss and is like hey i kind of like this carmen lady and so they go on a date but the rival families get involved because they also want carmen in their family
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
So I only had like one meal yesterday, but man, oh man, it was a good one. But then I could not eat the rest of the day. I was so full. Getting used to new technology, I got an Apple Watch from my family. So I had my phone in my pocket, my Apple Watch on, and we were driving in the car.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
And this is not a thing that's surprising to anyone who's had a car since probably 2012, but Molly's car was not a 2012. It was a little bit older than that. So someone called me, they switched me happy birthday, and my phone started vibrating, my watch started screaming, and the car switched from music to calling. And I was like, I don't know which one to answer.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I do go on the subreddit, and occasionally I do watch the videos and things they post.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Thank you. I don't know if act two is the last act or... Okay, got it. Act two of four.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I was kind of like panicking, like, so I didn't answer at all and completely ignored.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Carmen, Don Petuccio. Don Jose. Escobar.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
no no it's a skimmy oh mark was probably right about that part not as morel that was carmen and don which is this is the last sentence you said out loud uh are celebrating in the tavern a cold breeze hits them as the door opens and a skimmy oh walks in that's all the part i gave you yep Yes, it says, Carmen, I know I broke your heart, but I was a fool and I've always loved you. Come back to me.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
And he was the one that got away. And now she's divided between Don Lucci and Escobar. And the scene ends with her running out and being kidnapped while these two men are getting ready to get into a bar fight brawl over her love.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
No idea who they are. If you offered me a million dollars right now, I could not tell you what Don's last name is.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Yeah, did not know that her car would switch from like the primary phone to secondary if a call came through. And then, yeah, everything was vibrating. It was very bizarre. I feel like a grandpa talking about technology right now.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
That was his old guess. Thanks, Wade. All right. Sorry, I was just continuing. It's over. It's done. She wants to be with Eskimio. She runs off to find Eskimio. Meanwhile, Don Jose...
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
goes after her but before he gets to her he's caught by his old military buddies and he's arrested and dragged off to military tribunal which is like the game show where you're on the island and they put out your torch
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Yeah, Survivor, they're about to put out his torch, and Carmen's with the Skimeo, and he starts to show his true colors, and she's like, I never really loved him, he just had a pretty face. And she runs back to find Don Jose, but it's too late.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Carmen's dead. She lost her head. Jose's angry. Now he's in the bed.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I have no idea. I wasn't expecting one. Didn't ask for one. Just got one. And I'm like, guess I'm an Apple Watch guy now. I like it. I just don't know how to use it. I've never looked into them.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Someone. I love that. I love that. And thankfully, Toriyama was a big fan of this opera, which is why I got the Kamehameha. All the rage.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I'm trying to remember where it actually stopped and where Mark's stuff began.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
So, Carmen, being with a bullfighter, is down, like, on the main level. Great seats to watch the fight. And Don... Jose can't get there easily because he's got the bad seats. So he has to hop into the arena with the bulls to run and profess his love. And Esquimio, seeing this, is not confident in himself or his relationship. He's a bit of a jealous type.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
So he does, in fact, go out there and try to show that he's more man than Don Jose and does the whole bullfighting thing. Carmen freaks out and runs out there panicked. And at the last second, the bull is charging Carmen and Esquimio decides he'd rather sacrifice himself than lose Carmen, even if it means that he knows those two will be together.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
So he jumps in front of Carmen and takes the horns to the chest, holding out his hand and saying he loves her one last time and wishes her and Don Jose a happy future. And then he dies and Carmen hops into Don Jose's arms immediately forgetting Esquimio and they run off into the sunset with some bulls chasing them.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I had a feeling. I had a feeling. The south of France, she had no chance. Now there's blood trickling down her pants. Because she's dead, stabbed in the head.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
This is obviously made up. I'm going real. No one wants to make a giant nose costume. That's terrible. The audio coming out of that... Not good, not good.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Bra, we're all singing. You start with bra, right? Bra makes it modern.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Do you want one more, Wayne? Do you want one more? Oh, no, but it could be a perfect failure. The odds of missing this many coin flips in a row has got to be minuscule.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I had to try. That was our first three tails, wasn't it? Have we ever had three heads actually succeed? I don't think yet, no. Great. I'm glad the first one was a failure for me.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I did a lot of the hands outstretched. Did a lot of singing. A lot of the same song callback.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Most locked in. Probably not me, since I forgot every name every time. That is true. That is true.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
That no I just let out was the most I've ever related to the T-Rex in Jurassic Park at the end when it screams. We got this bad boy. Oh, do we need that?
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
What a terrible birthday week. Good job, Mark. Wade, loser speech? You know, guys, I've really been putting my comedic cojones on the line, and I'm learning that apparently they're not as big and wonderful as I thought. I have been crushed, humiliated, and defeated multiple times in a row. But from the ashes, much like from the grave for Carmen, we shall rise and become bigger than life.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I washed them. It'd be like when you go to get fitted for a suit, but it's like, that'd be really awkward. It's like nothing but cold water and ice to get you at your smallest and they just make you watch all the porn to get max measurements.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I don't know, man. I'm just here throwing out my ideas. My Gatlin gun approach to comedy.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Yeah, only moderately. But as we were talking about a delivery truck, a delivery truck pulled up to our house, so I was otherwise distracted.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
No, this was the world's smallest looking box. It's maybe big enough to hold one of these. Maybe I got another coin I didn't know about. Or maybe Molly ordered something. I don't know. Very small box. And the FedEx guy backed all the way up, hit the garage, and I was... You were in the basement going... What time does your mail come?
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Not usually till late. Our mail gets delivered late. I feel like we're like the last stop on this dude's route.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
They have the truck stashed to get to you, so they've got to pull over, switch cars, because your mail's the illegal mail.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I feel like game price had been pretty consistent for a while. They were due to go up at some point.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Mark put words in my mouth. I would have never said that, guys.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Before I get any backlash. It was Mark. Mark made me do it.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I might get it to play like the new Pokemon games, then I'll be disappointed by those two. I don't know. I've been disappointed by everything I've played Nintendo for like the last 10 years. What? The last thing I enjoyed that I played that was Nintendo was Pokemon Black and White 2.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
I played Breath of the Wild for like three hours and I put it down and never picked it up again.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
You said you were disappointed. Me. It means you thought they were bad.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
individually objectively I understand how good they are but I myself didn't get into it Wade the persona thinks that it's bad Wade the human that's trying to escape this shell Wade the relatable lovable host of distractible loves Nintendo love Breath of the Wild Wade the gamer shit game shit console I have less hours on that than I have my new car that I don't have yet so yay oh I'm glad you brought that up still no car huh
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
It's in production. I got an email saying it's officially being made now.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
It was being produced this month. I just bought it last week. I ordered it.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
No, no, according to the dealer and according to the website, it looks like it's being produced over there because they've got... Wow, fancy. They've got like 13 steps to when I'll get it. I'm on step three, but a couple of them are like shipping and whatever.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
It'll exist in Germany, guaranteed. I guess Guten Tag moving forward. I'm moving to Germany. That's probably worth it. But then we've got, how do I get Molly's car there?
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Because I don't want to do it. I'm cheap. Wade doesn't have Big Boat money. You just bought 900 pounds of... Or no, you got it for free. Mark, I need you to get Big Boat for free.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
We need the Titanic without the stags. I need space for car. Without the stags? Stags. The big smoke stacks.
Distractible
Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
Yeah, that was below. There's a converter planning this on top deck.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Why can't he pick? I know it's like a pride thing and it's shitty, but if I got picked by the Browns, that's one team where I would at least be like, can I say no?
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Am I allowed to change one word? I'm just going to do it. To infinity and your mom.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
All the things, I am thinking of many ideas. They're just all somehow against the rules.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Can I just change the sentence completely? Hang on. My fingers are really gone. Therefore, I am.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
I drink sometimes a lot slowly, therefore I eat quickly. Spam!
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
I'll quickly bluff. I'll slowly snuff. And I will leisurely blow your little red house down. I'll... Quickly bluff, I'll slowly snuff, I'll leisurely blow your little red brick house down. I'll quickly bluff, I'll slowly snuff, I'll leisurely blow your little red frick house down. I'll quickly snuff, bluff, fuck!
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
I was trying to play nice and then you started doing stuff quickly and slowly.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
I thought it was fig Newton, fig juice box Newton. Yeah, I think it was just fig.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Run, fucking Forrest Gump. You shit. Run. Run, fucking Forrest Gump! You shit-ass! Run! Run, fucking Forrest Gump! You little shit-ass! Run! Run, motherfucking Forrest Gump!
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Run! Motherfuckin' Forrest Gump! Wow! You little shit! Run! Up! Up! You little shitass!
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Speak right now, or forever hold your big girthy peace. Speak right fucking now, or forever hold your big girthy peace. Speak right now. I already fucked it up. Wait, what? What did you add? You just added fucking somewhere in the sentence.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
Stop. Scream. Then drop. And make fast roll. Look how your Dracula is slowly getting a different accent. I don't fucking do Dracula. That's not my bit.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
which is a thing you can get on your iPhone and on a Windows 11 PC, which allows you to send messages through iMessage on a Windows PC.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
This is awesome, and I didn't know this existed. And I don't know how well it works, but I just sent you a text, Mark, so it worked.
Distractible
Mark's Big Dumb Word Game
I can do it. It's fucking cool. And it's just built into Windows. That's cool. I appreciate it. That's dope. That's super cool. Ah!
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Mark never talks about tech problems. Or render farms. Never. This was a very interesting conversation that no one's ever had before. And I'm not at all biased in favor of things that I like. That's good. It's true, he's very fair. And handsome. I'm gonna give out some fair points. Ooh, and a handsome point. Tall. Okay, well, don't suck up. That's just obvious. Like Minecraft damage.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Anyway, I have a game. I've been apparently word games is what I'm into now. So we're playing another word game, everybody. I did one of those. I'm down. The game itself is fairly simple, so I'm hoping there's going to be a lot of discussion. Basically, the burden's on you guys to make this episode work. I'm ready. It's normal.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
But the game is, you only have to come up with one word at a time, basically. You could come up with more. But I have a bunch of phrases that are in the vein of I like my women like I like my coffee.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
strong or whatever right there's this that's the structure i like my blank like i like my blank and then it's a competition between you guys to see who can come up with the best response that completes the saying and it can be funny or it can be accurate could be scary everything's on the table but where it's gonna be like a back and forth where it's like We can talk about it.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
You can help each other if you want, but there's gonna be one final answer for each one that's like the winning answer. But it's easy. Do we need to keep track of any of these words? No. Got it all up here, baby. Yeah, this is not 20 easy questions. Don't worry. Bonus point. Oh, I can't remember the question. I have the bonus point. What was that treaty? Remember? The treaty?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
We talked about it a bunch. It was real funny. Oh, God. What was that treaty? If one of you guys can remember. Treaty of Westphalia. There you go. Mark wins the bonus point. Ah! I thought it was Winnebago. Bob, give me one. I got it. I got it. The wall. Whose wall? What wall? Hadrian. Thank you, Hadrian. That was for me. That was a toss-up. Hadrian. Wade gets the point, I guess. Aw, man.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
And then they don't matter and they're all bullshit. But the winner is very important and carefully calculated. But before we get into the idea that I have for the episode today, a small talk. How's it going? Oh, can I just say two words, one syllable? No, two syllables, one word. Soto. What? Soto. Soto. I think he's cursing us. An Italian place down in Cincinnati, in a restaurant. It's so good.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Thanks, Mark, for cheating for me. Hagrid's wall. Eureka's castle. What? Was castle one of them? No. What element is tungsten? Das war's.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Wait, I feel like you might just want to quit this game while you're ahead. I'm not ahead, but yeah, let's quit. I'll start off easy, question mark. I like my coffee like I like my vacations. Mark, you go first. Wade, you go first. Out of fairness, since he got his ass beat at the trivia questions just now. Wade, you go first. Hot and steamy. Hot and steamy vacation is good, like Tropical Island.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I see that. Or sexual, either way. Sure. Oh, yeah. Sexual coffee. I like my coffee like I like my vacations. For work. Because I don't like vacations. So what, it's a working vacation where you don't actually vacate, you're just working? Red flag, anyone? Red flag. I don't like vacations. Was ist das, was dich schwebt? Bye-bye. Warte, geh wieder. Okay.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Du magst deinen Kaffee, wie du deine Abenteuer magst. Kannst du für Arbeit kämpfen? Drücken. Wie eine gute, moiste Abenteuer. Ich habe eine. Okay. Ich mag meinen Kaffee, wie ich meine Abenteuer mag. Voller Creme. Oh. Vorstell es. Vorstell es. Vorstell es. Was für Arbeit machst du auf dieser Abenteuer? Creme. Is it whipped or unwipped cream? That's for me to know and you to find out.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Alright, Wade, please don't let cream win. I like my coffee like I like my vacations. No cup.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Du bist in der McDonalds-Route und du sagst, nein, ich weiß über die Gesetzgebung.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Komm schon, keine Kupfen. Das hat alle gelacht. Es war, weißt du was? Das ist, es hängt davon ab, was der Messer-Stick ist. Ich bin für Mark gebiased, also wenn der Messer-Stick für ihn kürzer ist, was für ihn geeignet ist. I like my books like I like my desserts. Marcos first. I like my books like I like my desserts. With words on it. Sure, okay, okay. Pretty literal.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Like, you know, cake, happy birthday. Oh, I see, I got you. Sure, yeah. Wade? I like my books like I like my desserts. Thick. Ah, yeah, alright. I like my books like I like my desserts. Pumpkin pie.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Two things sitting in front of Mark with signs. One says books, one says dessert. It's just two pumpkin pies. Cut to Mark in his dorm in college holding a pumpkin pie, just like, hmm.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Professor, what page are we on? I feel pretty good about that one. Well, if you think you can match that, Wayne.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Wait, that beat thick? What is the fucking measuring? No, no, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. Thick wins, thick. If I knew gibberish was the answer. Have you never been in an episode where I've been in charge? That's why I'm trying to reign you in. I would never try to control you, bub. I would. Yeah, I'm like a wild stallion.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
You're not gonna break me. Wade, I like my music like I like my weather. Sloppy. That wasn't the word I thought of in my brain. That's what my mouth said. Sloppy it is. Sloppy it is. I like that. Whatever that tone of voice you just got out there. You should use that more often, though. Mark. I like my music like I like my weather. Devastating. That's right, that's right, that's right.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
You can have devastating music. No, I like it. That's good, yeah. I like intense weather. You don't just want a nice thunderstorm and you can watch.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
It's literally me listening. I listened to, from Frostpunk, The City Must Survive, which is like the last song when the storm's rolling in. So it's like, I really like that song and it is like devastation. It's awesome. True story, true story. Good one, good one. Wade? I like my music like I like my weather. Hartley Cloudy with a Chance of Heavy Metal.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Oh yeah, wait, I almost went there once. Oh man, you gotta go. It's so good. Es ist so, dass sie frische Pasta machen, oder sie machen ihre Pasta im Haus. Also macht Olive Garden...
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
It's hard not to just take your answer at face value when you say it like that. Anyway, devastating wins. Okay. Wow, man. I mean, yay, but I was just like, oh, we can go more. You can go more if you want. No, no, no, I'm ready. You don't have to take the point. No, I take it. Yeah, Mark gives the point back. Let's keep going. All right. I like my music like I like my weather.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
In the arms of the angels. Sarah McLoughlin? Because it's raining cats and dogs. Yes, see, you got it. See, it's multi-layered, yes. I can see why you wanted to keep going, Mark. You had that one locked and loaded. Wait, go on. Sorry, I cut you off. I like my music like I like my weather. You need more lower lip bite if I'm going to believe that one.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Yeah, I remember back when we were at Village Tavern, you know, you had those supermodels coming out. My single face. I've not worn that in 12 years. My single face.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I like my music. That's it. A bold take. Wade wins. Oh, here's a good one. I was excited to hear what you guys got for this one. I like my pets like I like my friends. Who goes first? Probably me. I think it's me. I like my pets like I like my friends. Happy. Aww. I like my pets like I like my friends. Shaved. What the fuck? Keep it going, man. You're up. I like my pets like I like my friends.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I don't know, man. The Cacio e Pepe. The Cappalacci. Cappalacci? Cappalacci? Cacio e Pipi. You guys want some Cappalacci? I'm one third Sicilian. Catch your Pipi, the Cappalacci, the Bistecca. I'm sorry, what? That's just literally steak, but it's so good. That's what Mr. Beast did when he released Lunchly. He made a Bistecca. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Out here firing shots.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Long lived. I like my pets like I like my friends. On a leash. Let's keep this going for a while, man. I'm feeling good about this one. I like my pets like I like my friends. I bought them. We're still here, man. Ready for our next payment. Not you guys. No, other friends. Got it. I like my pets like I like my friends. Caged. Okay. Let's see where Wade's mind is at. Yeah, alright. Beat that.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I like my pets like I like my friends. Alive. Geez. It's true. I like my pets like I like my friends. Cuddling me on the couch. Last time we watched a Bengals game together, it was nice. Except for the football. Holy fuck, am I tired of that. Yeah, it hasn't gotten much better, has it? But the cuddles. Mark? I like my pets like I like my friends. Flying. Flying.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Well, that was pooping outside is a good one. That's a good one, Wade. Excellent work. Let's harken back to where this phrase came from. I like my coffee like I like my internet. Wade goes first. Oh, I like my coffee like I like my internet with Java. Okay. Yeah, no, I mean, it's good. I've got to start a little build. I like my coffee like I like my internet as fast as possible. Sure, sure.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Yeah. Got it. Okay. I'm going to say Mark takes that one. Can't argue with it. I like my wardrobe like I like my dreams. Marcos first. I like my wardrobes like I like my dreams. Naked. I like my wardrobes like I like my dreams. Soffing. Good callback, good callback. Okay, Sidebar. My wardrobe is in shambles. I haven't bought a new pair of pants in so long. I've worn holes in all of them.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I thought we solved the pants issue. No. This was months ago we talked about your pants problems. I have run out of socks. I'm down to two pairs of underwear that I wash. Let's just say I have more than two. So people don't... Ich denke, es ist ein bisschen zu spät, das jetzt zu sagen.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Only two-two. Only two-two. I'll always interpret that. I like my wardrobe like I like my dreams. Under my control. Surprisingly ominous, but I like it. I like my wardrobe like I like my dreams. Picked out by someone else. That would be cool if there was like a service that could do that for your dreams. I'm just gonna throw that out there. Das wäre ziemlich cool.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Ich weiß nicht, ob ich jemanden möchte, der meine Träume für mich wählt. Ich denke, ich würde sie wählen. Ich wähle deine Träume. Du vertraust mir, oder? Nein. Mark gibt dir so viele Träume. Ich würde nicht. Ich mag meine Träume, wie ich meine Träume mag. Voll mit Holz. Was? Ja, sicher. Ich gehe immer noch damit. Du magst keine wooden Träume, oder? Bist du über Sex-Träume zu sprechen?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Das wäre ein Holz. Das wäre dein Holz. Mark, dein Schritt. Das war ein guter. Oh, du hast recht. I like my wardrobe like I like my dreams. Sexy. That's kind of like what Wade said, only it makes more sense. Yeah, see, Wade? Wood? No. Don't worry, I got a winner here. I like my wardrobe like I like my dreams. Complete. But it's a complete dream. Like it doesn't get interrupted.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Like you get to finish the dream. You know when you wake up and you lost the dream and you try to get back to it? You get the whole dream. Oh, okay. I see what you're getting at. I would say Mark wins that one. I don't remember what you said, Mark. I'm going to be honest. Complete? No, I said complete. You said sexy. Sexy, that's right. Wade said wood. That was two rounds ago.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
We don't have to worry about wood. We have complete and sexy is the current line. But that's cool. It's the wood, I guess. Ich muss ehrlich sein, ich lese viel von dem, was ich hier geschrieben habe, und ich kümmere mich nicht um es. Ich fühle mich, als ob ich bis zum Ende runne. Ich dachte, ich hätte einige gute. Ich skippe literally über 20 von diesen, die ich glaube, sind Garbage.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
See, I was making a joke and just molded into a better one. Molded into a better one. No respect for other YouTubers here. They just go after each other all the time. That's right, we're starting with who? MrBeast? Oh, why would you disparage him? Oh, disparage. I was like, why would you just marriage him? I was like, what? That's right, MrBeast and I are going steady.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Ich versuche zu finden. Ich versuche, einen Banger zu finden. Ich mag meine Wallet, wie ich meine Vertrauen mag. Wer zuerst? Warte, zuerst. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. With a condom. That's good. Always be safe. Action first. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. 100% secure. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. Rich. You stole mine. He stole mine. No, I got it better.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I'll do it his, but better. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. Stuffed with money. That was what I was gonna say. Are you counting it? Are you discounting it? It sounds like you're discounting it. I'm considering it. I like my wallet like I like my confidence with me at all times. You said secure.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I like my wallet like I like my confidence immune to criticism from people I thought were my friends. It's not really a criticism, it's more of a judgment. I like my wallet like I like my confidence where you can't see it. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. What did you say? High confidence. High wallet. High wallet. You might have performed better if you just let Mark keep spiraling.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I like my wallet like I like my confidence. Up my ass. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. One from a carnival game. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. Dead and buried. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. We're somewhere over the rainbow. I like my wallet like I like my confidence. Torn apart by the woman I love. I like my wallet like I like my confidence.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Washed again because I forgot to empty the pair of pants. I like my wallet like I like my wallet. Wallet, wallet, wallet. Leather. I think that's enough for me to make a judgment. I got more. You were way ahead, Wade. I'm gonna be honest. You were way in front until you started opening your mouth more. Come on, torn apart by the woman I love was a great one.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I know, if you had just stopped there, imagine how well you might have done. I did. Oh, you did. Okay, Wade wins that one. Thank you. Mark may have got several bonus points along the way. That's okay, I'll take the win. Wins are worth more than bonus points. Honestly, I'm trying to think of one more. I can't think of one more. The stuff I've written is shit. Guys, this is shit. I have shit here.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
This page I've typed out, full of shit. For the ending one, I would like each of you to try and come up with a good combo. And then I would like us all to try and come up. So like Mark, you come up with an I like my, like I like my. And Wade, you come up with an I like my, like I like my. Now be the grand finale. We'll see which one wins. Or something. Just points.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Editors, kill me. I don't know if that's better than mine or not. I like my cheese like I like my wife. Stringy. No, dripping. Dripping, not stringy. Stringy. Dripping. Wishing it was still alive. I like my plumbing like I like my driveway fixed.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
By that I mean we stripped straight to marriage. Hey, Bob, I'm great, man. So there's good food.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I like the center of the earth like I like the Large Hadron Collider spinning. I like space like I like the ocean. I like lightning like I like thunder, one after the other. I forget the objective we're going for. I like cars like I like people. Roland Park. I think we lost the plot. I think Wade forgets the objective even more than you did, Mark. I like house like I like TV.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Alright, that's enough. Stop. Stop. Stop. That's the end. That's it. I'm very sorry that I put us through this. But also, it was pretty funny. And good job all around. I'm gonna read the points and the person whose name I read first is the loser. Mark, you got points for Bisteka?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Did you have some wine with your food? I did have some wine. I had a couple of glasses. Not gonna lie, it was good. I had some Moscato d'Asti. I'm not Italian. I'm Ohioan, so pardon my English. I'm one-third Ohioan. We speak our own special language. It's very good though. If you ever find yourself in Cincinnati and you book a reservation two or three months in advance, very delicious.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Whatever you did at that restaurant made a lot of points. You got a fairness point. You got a Hadrian's Wall point. You got a red flag for Mark point. No cup in. No, just no cup. Thick, lower lip bite point. Also you won the funky point. Pooping outside, torn apart by a woman and stringy wife. For a total of 12 points.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
And it turns out I just straight up lied, because that means Mark is the winner. Oh, despite the... Implikation of I really earned this one. I feel like it was a hard fought battle. I feel like Mark and I really elevated our games. We were battling at the highest of points. I like these episodes like I like my chicken. Well done.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
If we were still giving out points, that would have been worth enough points for you to steal the win from Mark. Great. Can we? Es war es nicht, also haltet euch. Mark, Wiener Sprache. Ich mag mein Wiener Sprache, wie ich es mag. Es ist hart. Es ist hart. Ich weiß nicht, wie ich es halb so lange machen kann. Ich habe es verloren. Ich habe es verloren, weil ich nur logische Dinge sagen wollte.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Und ich weiß, dass es nicht logisch sein soll. Ich weiß nicht, wie ich dieses Episode gewonnen habe. Ich erinnere mich nicht darauf, dass etwas passiert ist, als es passiert ist. Es gab viele Tirades, die dir geholfen haben, glaube ich. Ich habe geblasen. And my subconscious took over and that wasn't me.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Therefore, anything that I said that was supremely embarrassing is excused because that wasn't me. We need to revisit the cringe episode after this one. But hey, I'll take credit for my subconscious stooping in to lows I could never bring myself to. So thank you, me. You're welcome, me. Well put you. Congratulations to everyone, especially Mark. I like my friends like I like my pets. Submissive.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Yeah, that was the correct answer. I'm not gonna lie. That one was one of the few where there was a correct answer and we didn't get to it. I mean, on a leash is pretty good. Yeah, on a leash, but submissive is more succinct. It's a good word. Anyway, Mark wins, which means you'll be hosting the next one. Hooray! Make sure you check out all of us at our channels.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Markiplier, LordMinion777, MySkirm, Merch, distractiblestore.com. It's out there. Make sure you follow the podcast. If you follow it, then you'll get notifications and you'll never miss an episode. They come out Mondays and Fridays, but somehow you still miss it sometimes. And yes, I'm talking to you, because we can tell when listeners don't come back and listen to the new episodes.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
We're like the Santa of podcasts. Is that a fat joke? We see them when they're not watching. We know when they're awake. We know when they've been viewing or not. So watch Distractible for fuck's sake. It's a classic song. Anyway, that's the end of the episode. Mark will host the next one. I'm outta here. Podcast out.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Pricey, but good. We had six people. We ordered nine pastas. Ate them all. We had three of the bread appetizers. We had the steak. Very expensive too. And then we had three desserts that we split. God dang. The donuts. They have a donut dessert. Three dipping sauce. Oh my god, the caramel. Oh. You know, Donuts are the very Italian dessert. These are Italian because they're served at Soto.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Sovereign territory of Italy. Were they called Donuts or were they called like, what's it, isn't it Zeppoli? Isn't that like Italian Donuts? It's like deep fried. I think they were called Ricotta Donuts. I see. I see. And never a more American thing has been said on this podcast. But it's so good. Don't let me ruin it for you. Somehow you did. I never want to go to Soto.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
You got any of that Moscato D'Asti? Anyway, that sounds fun. That's a good dinner. That's definitely a place I hope Mandy and I get to go at some point here. That's nice. Only downside is we got seated right under a speaker and they had the music a little loud that night. And boy, were we reading lips because we couldn't hear a damn thing.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Just three and a half hours of... No other song plays the whole time. It's how you know it's Italian. I don't remember what songs we were playing, but man, were we just like... What? A lot. Where we were just like, I think I know. This place does not sound good to go to. We had the only table that I could see that was directly under a speaker. All the other speakers, hidden.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
You know you can ask them about that. We did. And they said that as more people come in throughout the night, they turn the volume up more. So they kind of were like, yeah, if you think it's loud now, just wait. We can't hear. They're like... And they left. But the food? Worth it. You just went to Dick's last stand, last resort. Dick's last stand, you know.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
That was literally the response we got to like, hey, the music's a little loud. Hey, if you think it's loud now, just wait. We crank that shit way up later. Why though? I don't know. I just imagine if you get the last round of reservations, you could see that 9 o'clock and your waiter comes like, Hello!
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
cool restaurant dude if it gets much louder you just be sitting there like foaming at the mouth from like your ears exploding you sit down at the table and it's like you're in a helicopter the way it puts on a pair of headphones and is like under your seats this is how we communicate because it's so loud we don't control that not a bad idea actually to have those Well, that sounds really fun.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Despite my description, always one of the biggest hits is to go to Soto. It is very, very good. Mixed bag on that review. Never had that seat before. Hope I never get that seat again. Everywhere else I've sat, great. But if you're right by the wine hole, you might be by the speaker. Ist das das Loch, in dem sie die Ladeln reißen, um das Hauswein rauszuholen?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Ich glaube, es ist ein Kühlschrank, aber der Kühlschrank ist wie eine Kugelform mit einer Kugel und dann sind da einige Weinbotteln drin.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I think of a cellar, like you go down a staircase and there's like a whole basement with shelves. This is just kind of like a nice whole cone of wine. Yeah, thankfully they were seated right next to the spaghetti chute so they could just press their mouth up on air. Our table was actually one of the ones with the lever just... Spaghetti right in there.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Wait for the cannoli catapult to come sailing over. It's like hibachi, but Italian. They give you five balls and across the room there's a target. And if you hit the target, the catapult fires unlimited cannolis for five minutes. There's a classy restaurant you found, Wade. That would be cool.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
found a good indian place recently found a good uh well a soda we've known about the hibachi plate dude we've been eating good when we got out sounds fancy i hope i get to eat somewhere that has a wine hole someday i don't know if i'm cool enough for that place
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
anyway mark how's your sad life wine hole lists uh pretty sad i had a triple cheeseburger a triple triple so was it three cheeses or three patties or both it was mcdonald's triple usually i get like the mcdouble but they also do a triple cheeseburger and i never had it before i know it's it wasn't always there but it was it's not relatively recent but i know it's like why is it not called a mc triple
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Is it like the McDouble, where there's only one slice of cheese, so it's not cheesy enough? There's a difference between a cheeseburger from McDonald's and a McDouble. There's a double cheeseburger. The double cheeseburger is two patties, two cheese. The McDouble is two patties, one cheese. Did you get a McTriple or a Triple? Triple cheeseburger, yeah. So three cheese, three patties?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Three cheese, three patties. It was great. So a triple triple. They don't allow us to call it that. I thought that's just what they were called in California. Oh, you know, you know. Every restaurant's in and out. I actually don't mind in and out, but I don't get to do so much. Anyway, that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm ready to... Welcome to Markiplier's Complain Corner.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
I turned around and I was complaining. It's just a straight dialogue from my Respect video. Respect. It's a word. Anyway, this is going to be the most niche thing, and I know it's going to be the most niche thing, because when I was having this problem, you look it up online, there's not an answer to be found about it at all. So it's a Houdini problem, right?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
For those who don't know, Houdini is a visual effects software. It's great at simulations. I built the whole render farm for that specifically, right? It comes with this software, if you have a license for it, called HQ. You know, HQ as in line, Q-Q-U-E-U-E. Und ich bin sehr gut dabei, das zu spellen, weil ich es ein Billion Mal geschrieben habe.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Das lustige an Houdini ist, dass es eine sehr starke Software ist, mit extrem robustem Toolset, zero Instruktionen. Es ist ein Schmorgensburg von, stell dir vor, die schlechteste, klumpigste User Interface von 1995, und das ist es. Du wirst dich damit gewöhnt, das ist in Ordnung. Es braucht keine schöne UI, um wirklich gut zu arbeiten, nur weil es gut funktioniert, ist das in Ordnung.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Es kommt mit einem Software namens HQ, um distribuierte Simulationen und Rendern zu machen. Du hast all deine Computer mit dabei, du sendest einen Job und es geht so, alle von euch, bla, es splitt sich in Teile. Okay, du musst es tatsächlich in Teile splitten, bevor du es setzt. Es ist nicht so, dass es das automatisch macht. Du würdest es denken, aber es ist es nicht.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Hello everyone and welcome back to the world's favorite podcast. This is Distractful. I'm your host for today. My name is Bob. I am the host because I won the last one. And just like in every episode, I, the host, will be hosting and my two other friends, co-hosts, competitors will be trying to see who earns the right to host the next episode that comes after this one, if there is one.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Du musst spezifisch definieren, wo es in Teile splitten werden wird. Das hat sehr wenig Dokumentation, aber zumindest gibt es einige Guides dazu. Das lustige Ding ist, ich habe mein Kopf gegen den Boden geschlagen, um das zu funktionieren. Everything was set up exactly as it should be. And everyone was like, it's very finicky. It's very finicky. You got all the right drive letters.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
You got everything set up on the same network and the static IPs and open your ports. It wouldn't work no matter what. For like two days straight, I was trying to get it to work. And finally, I talked to someone that had been through this before, who actually got it to work. And they go, oh yeah, it doesn't work. Ha! Und das war die Antwort.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Die Antwort war, die Software funktioniert manchmal nicht. Und das ist am meisten der Fall. Also sagten sie, ja, du musst eine andere Software nennen, die Deadline. Das lässt dich tatsächlich tun, was du tun willst. Und ich sage, was? Ja, sie werden dir das nicht sagen. Und ich war so, sie sagen mir nichts. Es gibt keine Dokumentation für any of this bullshit.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
And so few people are actually doing it. What was explained to me is they provide this software as like a framework and technically it can work sometimes. It's meant to be something you build off of with your own software or something? Exactly. Because the only people really doing big distributed simulations, which, you know... It is a little bit. You need more than one computer.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Some people only ever have one computer. And that's all most people need. I have six very powerful ones. And I need them to talk to each other. But most of the time, yeah, that is a company. And they have their own coding staff to build the software to use in their infrastructure to make it. So it's like literally it's a piece of software that should work on its own, but doesn't.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Wer zuerst losgeht, gewinnt. Wade is clearly right there. Neither of you left. Editors, send me to Guam! What's Guam look like?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Put me in Guam. I have no idea what that... Why do you look like you're underwater? I don't think Guam is underwater. Put me in Guam. Look at all this Guam. Is that offensive? No idea, probably. I feel offended. You know, to be fair to Mark, I looked up Guam and the first image was a beach. Oh, pretty close. Guam is a US island territory in Micronesia.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Es war da für einen Blip. Ja, du musst es erinnern. Guam's World War 3 Significance ist auf der Sicht und kommt bald. Oh Gott. Ich habe das letzte Teil gemacht. Um zurück zu kommen, was Marc eigentlich darüber gesprochen hat. Ich... Ja, genau.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Meine Sache, die mir am liebsten passiert ist viel weniger interessant, aber im Grunde auf Windows gibt es einen Weg, Monitore auf und auf mit Keyboard-Shortcuts zu toggle. Und in Windows 10 gab es einen Weg, wo man spezielle individuelle Monitore auf und auf toggle. Aber in Windows 11 kann man nur auf und auf die eine Hauptmonitore toggle oder jeden Monitore, der nicht deine Hauptmonitore ist.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Aber die Art und Weise, wie der Hauptmonitor definiert wird, ist anders zwischen dem Windows-Software und dem Backend. Auf jeden Fall, ich habe einen langen Zeitraum gegoogelt und mich in ein Riesenhäufchen von Gehubs und Sachen befasst, wo es so ist, oh, ich habe das Skript geschrieben und es funktioniert. Oh, warte, nein, es funktioniert nicht, ohne dass du dieses andere Ding hast.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Ich hasse das verdammt, weil es bedeutet, dass du einfach absolut kaputt bist. Der Moment, als du startest googeln und nichts kommt, weißt du einfach, dass du sagst, naja, das ist dann unverantwortlich, ist es nicht? Haben nicht deine Monitore nur einen Power-Button?
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Which there will be. Because there always is. Anyway, my two friends. Mark it away. Say hi guys. Hi. Are you booing both of you or just Wade? I'm booing everything in the general vicinity. Oh, okay. You've never seen this show before. That's how it works. I'm the host. I give out points, which I have to write down on paper, which I have in this book, which I will write in.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Okay, I have a two PC setup and right now I have all three monitors on one computer, but sometimes I want one of my monitors to not be on the one computer because I want my video game stuff. Holy crap, I almost just pooped my pants. Alexa, I was not talking to you. Please don't do that again. The voice came through your mind.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Okay, es ist nur eine Sache, wo es so ist, ich habe einen Monitor, den ich auf einem Computer aufwenden würde, weil ich und es ist nicht eine schwierige Sache, aber Windows 11, was mein neuer Computer mitgebracht hat, was furchtbar ist, weil es nicht so funktioniert, für völlig arbitrarische Gründe, nur weil Microsoft diese Feature nicht eingeführt hat, die Windows vorher in den letzten Versionen hatte.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Auf jeden Fall, ich hasse das, weil ich, wenn du das Forschungsresultat bekommst, bist du einfach so. Hm, naja. Ich habe mich dazu eingelassen, solche Sachen zu beantworten. Und ich habe auch so Software, wie Usability-Tipps, um Chat-GPT zu fragen. Aber auch das, auch wenn sie die ganze Internetseite gebraucht haben, um es zu trainieren.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
Und es hat die Antwort irgendwo drin, es weiß es einfach nicht. Also muss ich es nach der Antwort führen. Und auch wenn ich frage, okay, was ist das Menü? Und es sagt, ah, geh zu Präferenzen, öffne das Netzwerkschaffungszentrum. Und ich öffne Präferenzen, es gibt nichts, nenn es das. Ja. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Still expensive, but only one of the CPUs I bought has failed.
Distractible
Wade Is Sopping
And then, I mean, there's no hope of getting a return at all, ever. So that's a loss. But for the discount I've had across the board, it's been pretty crazy. Nice. I guess that's it. Mark did really well in Smalltalk today. I mean, you both did well, but Mark did better. But I talked about food, my favorite thing. Everybody loves food. Just a little, eh, you know.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
giggle muggle yeah you know no um i'll have to rethink of one on the fly i'm just gonna keep flapping my gums until something comes out oh boy here comes the ideas they're about to flow the genius is cooking let me cook and here it is and it's about all i've got an answer i forgot what the word is circling back to that in my head giggle mug i didn't need your help go away i got this get out of my head okay i'm thinking about the answer oh here it is yeah
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
in two sentences that was one one sentence go on uh-huh okay giggle mug that is uh another word for dust bunnies oh okay yeah it's just another word for dust bunnies it's actually a sequel to the song jitterbug i'm kidding a giggle mug is a person who smiles a lot they're always smiling
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
sincerely that was my guess and i was like there's no way it's that that's just what it is their mug as a permanent that one sucks i don't like that one yeah okay well it said the same thing about you two i don't care they're smiling all stupid why do i want their opinion that's what i'm saying mark oh What does it mean to take the egg?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
This is unrelated, but I was at Skyline the other day with Molly, and I was eating a cheese coney. What does this have to do with this? How is this going to have to do with this? I was down to like my last bite of cheese, Coney, so there's a little bit of bread and chili cheese, whatever, and the hot dog, a little bit of hot dog left.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I went to take a bite, and I don't know if I always do this or if I just happen to forget how to eat for a second, but I kind of like, not Stanley Steamer, I kind of like vacuumed in the last bite, and I sucked that last bit of hot dog right out of the bun, and it flew back and hit me in the back of the throat, and I like immediately gagged and choked,
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
But then I found it hilarious because I gagged on a wiener and I laughed while I was choking. Anyway, that happened.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
The old Stanley steamer. The old Stanley steamer made carpet suck. I don't know.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And I was like, yep, I asked you to look at that. And they're like, well, we think it's cancer. And it was, but all subsequent tests have been like best case scenario. So it is still needs to be removed. But otherwise, like. No big metastases or anything, and it seems to be a very slow-growing, not very aggressive type of mast cell tumor, I think is what it is.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I'm so just lost now. What is happening? What does it mean to take the egg? Oh, that's right. When you said it's a tactic, Mark, I thought you stole my answer. I'm not going to lie, but you didn't. It is a tactic, but it's actually more of a rallying cry. It's not a very specific tactic. It's a battlefield thing.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Throughout history, men with power, who are the type of men who lead militaries, have been obsessed with lineage, right? And so it's sort of a saying that's derived from like, you take the egg as in like, make a son. You take the egg and you make an heir or whatever. But on the battlefield, taking the egg means taking the objective.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Because that's the highest objective that you aspire to, is to make another son. All the sons. Everything is conquest in their eyes. As it should be. Everything is about power. Everything is about conquest. It's a thing. It's a real thing. Oh, yeah. So this is that lords on the battlefield used to just scream this as they were mounting a charge toward the enemy. Just like, take the egg!
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And then swords clang and very dramatic. Mm-hmm. I believe it. So I don't have a long explanation as to why this is the answer. You're saying these definitions aren't five minutes long like what Mark and I give you every single time? They're not. However... Bob, I'm going to give you this one because take the egg. It means to win. No. And getting the objective is like winning.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I mean, that's pretty close. Sorry, my light is all broken too. God.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
damn it yeah i mean i wasn't expecting whenever he was like he was like tactics i was like all right well he's gonna be with mark here taking some kind of egg to the face but he's like no it's to take the objective to make an error to oh i spilled mark what are you doing man you all right i'm trying my lights falling over and it's not standing up straight because i don't know why do they have like a stand you can put them on or they just tape to the wall or
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Balancing on a lens. That's my second top pick for that sort of thing. Stand it came with? Lens.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Might as well not be a spill. You need to clean it? No, I sopped it. It's sopped. Oh, it's sopped. Oh, heck. Okay, as long as it's sopped. Yeah, I sopped it.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Well, Bob, we're to you first this time. While he's soppin' and suckin'. Tell me, what are whooper-ups? Whooper-ups? Whooper-ups.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
whooper ups whooper ups this one's another one that's deceptively easy this is another one that's uh i think uh english in america we just call those pull-ups but in america we also just call those diapers and in the uk they call them nappies for some reason so of course we call them pull-ups they call them whooper ups like a diaper It's like a, yeah, transitional like diaper underwear thing.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Anyway, she has a surgery, and it should be fine. She handles anesthesia pretty well. She's otherwise healthy, aside from being 12 years old, but that's been really stressful. She should be fine, but that doesn't really mean anything when you're about to drop off your dog for a big surgery and... So in the future, you'll know if anything happened. I don't know.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
So in case a youngish kid has like an accident or whatever, they soaks it up, keeps them dry. Mm-hmm. Whopper ups.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
some whipper ups okay this is gonna sound really stupid but what is a whip it is it like the song when a problem comes along you can whip it i'm not sure exactly what they're inhaling but it's an inhalant is it like it's whipping cream can it's the stuff that's in aerosol cans right oh okay yeah is that like it's not nitrous isn't i don't know what is let's not even say what it is because no way no one's gonna do it
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Whatever gas is in aerosol, like whipping cream cans, that sort of thing, the gas will have an effect on you, but also they put stuff in it to make it taste like buttholes. And so it's really gross to do that. It's really unpleasant. Yeah.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Yeah, I think it's like immediate brain damage type of stuff. Like, it'll make you feel funny, but also your one-to-one correlation of losing things you knew before you took your whippets. At the cost of living? Yeah. Okay, don't do that. So you think whooper-ups are like that? Yeah, it's just tragic. Drugs. Okay.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Either I'm going to give you both a point or neither one a point because you're both wrong. But you both said things that are bad. How's mine bad? Well, it's in a good way.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
If you call someone a whooper up and it's like a diaper, that doesn't sound like a compliment, right? Whereas if you call someone a whooper up and it's like a bad drug, it's also bad. A whooper up's an inferior singer. Uh, what? Uh. It's an inferior singers or whooper ups. I've been needing a word for singers who are less good than myself. Those are whooper ups. Now you have a word.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Is that just like a modification of whippersnappers that singers made their own somehow? Sometimes I get a description. I get anything. This time I literally got inferior singers, period. That is the extent of the explanation I've gotten for this one. So therefore, that's all the knowledge that exists in the world about whooper ups.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Mental floss, old phrases we should bring back. They know what they're talking about. This is all the information that exists in the record. The rest of it was in Pompeii. Very sad. Very sad. Tragic. Extremely tragic. Mark, what is a rain napper? Kidnapper who uses rain as cover for his crimes. Or her crimes. Yeah. It's true. People use rain to cover up their crimes all the time. Rain napper.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Okay. The crimes are covered up. The rain napper was prepared. That's not like a cool villain name, the rain napper. All right. Bob? This is actually a conspiracy theory. This is not what the government calls it, but this is what us normies call it because we're learning the truth slowly and surely.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I probably won't tweet about it or anything. I don't social media anymore at all, but we'll talk about that next time. But for right now, I'm stressed. I've been trying to be chill about it, but it was really stressful and I don't like it. Feel like a bit of a dick for cutting you off on the sad earlier now.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
This is actually a type of aircraft, experimental aircraft, that it'll fly into clouds that are about to rain naturally. and it stops rain from falling so that the people who control it can control who gets water and who doesn't. So the rain napper is sort of what we like to call, I'm sure it has some official, you know, government designation, but...
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Is that the same technology that makes targets really sad people and creates just one rain cloud over them and them alone? They keep that for that exact purpose. Yeah, I think it's a different drone tech that actually sends those out. But the rain napper is how they gather the sadness clouds and then they have a different platform for distributing the sadness.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Depressed. It's an umbrella. Rain Napper's an umbrella. No, it's not. That was close. It stops rain from hitting things that don't want to have rain on them. Or that the man doesn't want to have rain on. You know. Depends who's holding the umbrella. Or the woman. Yeah, I mean, yes. Okay. All right, well, if Mark agrees, I'll give you the point.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
What does it mean to have your flag out? Bob, you're first. It's just a fancy way to say your dick's hanging out of your pants. Okay. I concur. It's your dick. Yeah.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
At like the family barbecue or whatever. Like, hey, Jerry, your flag's out. What about being soapy-eyed, Mark? Were we right? I'll tell you in a minute. What about being soapy-eyed? Just quick, one word, two words.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Oh, I'm going to rush you because I've got a whole line in here. Just quick fire around. I don't know if Mark's playing along with that. It's fine. He's doing his best. This is quick for him. We've seen him handle two sentences. Let's give him a minute for soapy-eyed. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
As soon as the clock starts ticking, Mark goes from casually making jokes and stuff to being like, oh, soap eyes.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Yeah, well, I considered not leading with that because that's not the kind of thing we usually do for small talk, but I honestly can hardly think about anything else. So I'm not trying to bring everyone down because honestly, the odds are she'll be perfectly fine and she's not going to like the surgery, but she should recover just fine and not have cancer anymore.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
You could do it, but hey, it's allowed to be eyes with soap in them. That's a valid response. So then I was trying to like, okay, break it up. Break the word up. So pee eyes. That's just pee in the eyes instead of soap. Come on, brain. Get out of there. Get out of there.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Yeah, it's the inability to come up with an idea. All right, Bob. So soapy eyes. That is that's that look that kids get when you tell them not to do something. And clearly they're not even listening and they're just glazed over. They got the soapy eyes. All right. What about being full as a tick? That's about confidence. If you're, it's like a check mark, right? I'm so sure I'm full as a tick.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Tick it off. Mark, full as a tick. The greatest erection of your entire life. Excellent. What if you're seeing snakes? You see the greatest erection of your entire life. All right, Bob, seeing snakes. Actually, Mark is just right on that one. Okay. What about being canned up?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I mean, clearly that just means that you're in jail, but I'm going to go ahead and say that what that means for serious is you're on the phone because you're talking on a string with two cans on the ends of it. You're canned up. Of course, Mark, canned up. The greatest direction of your entire life. You know what? Wait a minute. Yeah. Mark, what if you're zazzled?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
The greatest direction of your entire life is straight up zazzled, man. You're on a fun thing that's happening right now. Mm-hmm. you'll see bob uh zazzled mark's actually close but that's actually the emotion that you feel when you're in the locker room with your buddy after a nice like workout or whatever and he's having the greatest erection of his entire life You're the one who gets zazzled.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
What about being owled? That's when a woman or anyone, but historically a woman, because it's always a woman in this context is looking so good. Like they're dressed up and they're looking so ridiculously good that people are literally snapping their necks to look at them. You know, an owl can like look, turn its head all the way around. Yeah. Getting owled.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
But until it's all done, you know, that means much. This is stressful. That's a pretty big thing. Yeah. I'm rooting for her. I mean, we've known Lexi for a long time. She's a great dog. Just got to see her the other day. So obviously we're all pulling for her. Yeah. You saw her three days ago or whatever, right? She's like totally healthy. Except for a little lump on her leg. Yeah.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Sorry, bud. No, no, because it makes sense. You're just getting owled. I thought you were saying when you see a woman, you get the greatest direction of your life. Yeah, you thought, but that's Mark's bit.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
You know, when you're having great sex. Oh man, I love when that happens. Woo! What about if you're getting striped, squiffed, or squawked? I'm sorry, squawked. Swacked? Striped, squiffed, or swacked? Swacked? Swacked? Any of those three things, Mark. That's about ten things, but... You get a promotion because you get stripes, right?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Or you get stripped of your old rank and they put a new one there. You get squawked, they say it over the radio.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Is that what they call it when you go up in the military? Yeah, that's a promotion. Striped, squiffed, or swacked? Yeah. Swacked, sorry, swacked. Yeah. And squiffed. Yeah, they squiff it off of you. Bob, striped, squiffed, or swacked? Is there actually all... This is not the full extent of them, but this is representative of the words from comics.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
This is under the S section of comic book onomatopoeia, which... where Batman has definitely squiffed some people and swaffed it at them. Do you guys remember what Pretzelbender was? Yeah, it's the fifth element. It's the avatar. It's when you're having the most glorious erection of your entire life. It meant a peculiar person, a player of the French horn, a wrestler, or a heavy drinker.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Oh, right, French horn. That's right. Having your flag out, being soapy-eyed, full as a tick, seeing snakes, canned up, zazzled, owled, striped, squiffed, or swacked are all ways of being drunk. Oh, Mark was close. I was close. When he kept going with the erection, I was like, man, if he just said drunk and kept repeating that for everyone, oh, the amount of points that would pour out.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But how many points did we get? I'll give you one each. Oh, well, that... Okay. Bob, you're up first for this one. Hotter than Dutch love and harvest. What does that mean? Hotter than Dutch love in harvest? Yep. Hotter than Dutch love in harvest.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Well, there's nothing hotter than Dutch love and harvest, so that's just the scientific name of the highest temperature it is possible to achieve in the universe. Okay. What was it again? Hotter than Dutch love and harvest. It's just really hot outside and sweaty. That is correct. I was assuming, because you've been going pretty obvious ones, and I was like, maybe it's going to be that.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
That's what I was thinking in my head. That's so much more thoughts than the last one where you were just trying not to say soap or eyes. He's learning. I wonder if soapy-eyed means just like the general glaze of drunkenness probably, like kind of. Yeah, that makes so much sense. Yeah, it does. Still stupid, though. I'm not using that one. Yeah.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And she was laying between us on our little dog bed. And you like, you bumped the dog bed very bravely with your elbow. And she gave you a look like, what the fuck? since she found out what cancer is, she is insufferable. Every, she's like, give me a French fry. You're like, I'm eating. She's like cancer, French fries. Damn dog. You don't even know what that means. I know it gets me French fries.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
This one's going to take some explaining from all of us, I think, together, but here we go. Mark. And the bear got him and full of moist. What? And the bear got him and full of moist. Did you accidentally delete some words out of that one or? I kept rereading it thinking maybe I did, but no. Okay, I will say this is a continuation from the last one, but go ahead.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Full of moist. Full of moist. Yeah, I'm guessing this is related to the hotter than Dutch love and harvest. But you know, Dutch love, air got them full of moist. It all could connect. Yeah, when you say it all together, I totally understand what it is. This is having to do with temperature, obviously.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And if it's hotter than Dutch love and harvest, but then it's cooling off because it's going into the evening time. And then the bear got them and full of moist. So it's like, yeah, it's hot during the day, but at least it cools off when the sun goes down. I have the definition. Let me read you the two definitions back to back.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
People needed a lot of ways to describe excessive heat in the days before air conditioning. One phrase was hotter than Dutch love and harvest. And the bear got him in full of moist. You might also hear the bear got him. The bear in this case was heat stroke and full of moist. No explanation on that part? Nope. That's all I got. I feel like that's lacking.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Yeah, we don't need to bring that one back. This one's probably pretty self-explanatory. Bob hot as a half-fucked fox in a forest fire. Yeah, I mean, that's a messed up way to talk about it, I guess. But that's probably when something is so hot that it would burn your hand if you reached out and touched it.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Because if you reached out and touched a half-fucked fox in a forest fire, it would probably burn your hand skin if you were in that situation. Your hand skin, if you're... Not that kind of thing. Everyone has hand skin. Don't give me that. Most people have hand skin. I won't generalize.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I'm feeling hotter than a half box box in a forest fire, baby. It kind of works still. I can't even be mad at it. It kind of works. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's writing down all the points. I just got for them. Yeah, I did write down points for you Give him some time. Give him some time 13 additional points because it was so correct.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
It's just a regional term from the south or anything hot I'm noticing a theme in your clues here that they suck All right. I didn't say that. I didn't say that man. I didn't say that. Yeah mark. That's what mark was gonna say I just read his mind Mark, what does it mean to pangwangle? Wait a minute. Yeah, didn't we do that one? Wait a minute. We know this one. Yeah, what is it? Oh, God.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Yeah, we did this one. Oh, no. Oh, no. I just watched right in the sauce box. I actually watched it. You were just telling us about how you watched that episode. Oh, but that was all the way in yesterday. Who would know that? Pangwangle? Yeah.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
pangwangle i remember my answer i don't remember what the real answer because i said it was like a dance based on a penguin's waddle but i don't know what you actually said you're paying attention to the wrong person when you watched i quit hey bob pangwangle uh i laughed at mark but i don't remember either
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
to live or go along cheerfully in spite of minor misfortunes i would never ever have guessed that in a million years i don't even remember you saying that last time i don't even remember what if he just changes the meanings just to fuck with us he might have i bet he did there's i could link you the article when we're done but not right now uh what is a zib bob
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Is this one we've done before or is this new? This is new, right? The new one. A zib. I'm pretty sure a zib is a slang for a cigarette. Hey, can I bum a zib? Okay. Mark. So in the gun world, they call a blocked bullet in the barrel a squib, right?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
No, it's okay. She'll be fine. In my life. Uh, yeah why is your life better than bob's tell us nothing but sunshine and rainbows no i you got something happy for me to think about no not really i mean i guess but okay let me try to find some silver lining here uh nope nothing anyway me and my life nothing to do with any of that i i feel like i'm becoming a manager
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Right, okay. I thought you were going to say what a German guy calls it. Get your mind out of the gun world. Cause we're talking about zibs here. Yeah. Get your mind out of the gunner. That's pretty good.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I'm not laughing at you. I'm just laughing in the same call as you. Good. It's unrelated. Uh, a Zib's, uh, it's like, instead of a bad car is called Lemon, a bad motorcycle is called a Zib. Ooh. Okay. You were sold a bad motorbike. I like both of your answers, and both of them are tangential, but a Zib is just a nincompoop. A nincompoop? What a word. A nincompoop. Hmm.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Mark, what are bags of mystery? Not of. Bags. Oh, mystery. Oh, apostrophe. Mystery. Bags of mystery. Bags of mystery. Bags of mystery. We did. We did this one, didn't we? Did we? I don't think we did. I recall talking about bags of mystery, but maybe I'm making that up. Maybe you just know this one. In Mexico, it's called a pinata. In Ireland, it's called the bag of mystery. Hang it up in a tree.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I guess you can whack the bag of mysteries. If you pick a different country, you might have been close. Bob, what are bags of mystery? Bags of mystery is just a term for boobs. It's a mystery. I've always wanted to have a peek at me neighbor's bags of mystery. That's creepier than I meant, but you know what I'm getting at. Someone who would call them bags of mystery was probably creepy.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Just be real. I want our viewers and listeners to have the context that if you want to see your neighbor's bags of mystery, you want to see their sausages. Because bags of mystery are sausages. Ho ho ho ho ho ho. What does it mean to give someone the wind? It's when you specifically either position your ass in front of their face or their face in front of your ass to fart.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And so you're literally giving them the wind when you fart. Okay. It's close, but this is screaming at someone. I like that. Giving them the peace of your mind. You're giving them the wind. Not from your south hole, from your north hole. Other hole. Different wind. It could be, I guess. To give someone the wind is to jilt a suitor. To what a suitor? What are you doing to my suitors? J-I-L-T, jilt.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
It's like to end a relationship quickly. Quick breakup. You weren't expecting it. Like, you're jilted. I think what I suggested would accomplish that. So would mine. I think screaming at them or farting on them and giving them the wind, both could. I think screaming, more jilting, you know. Very jilting. Some people scream and stay in love forever. Sometimes you just got screamy love.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Some people fart lovingly in their loved one's directions. See, that one feels less generalizable to me. Some people probably do. You're not screaming, I love you. You're screaming, oh, you. Well, people have passions. Some people are passionate. Sometimes you scream and then you make up. I don't know. I think I've got an easy one for you guys. Oh, that's promising.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Mark, you're up first for this one. What does it mean to give a body the flesh creep? Give a body the flesh creep.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Yeah, now you know what? It is easy. I remember this one now. It is easy. I know this one!
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Bob. This is actually just the premise for a movie. Have you guys ever seen Weekend at Bernie's? No, I haven't, but I know of it. Where they rig up the dead body to move around and do stuff. That's giving a body the flesh creep. It's when you rig up a dead body to still pretend like it's alive and to do stuff.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
um mark i gotta give it to you to give a body the flesh creep is to give someone the shivers more so used for like cold but it's still like that goose bumpy shiver feeling like it's described as the shivers and you said the shivers i'm gonna give it to you that is pretty close But to give a body the flesh creep, a.k.a. the shivers, can be used when it's cold outside.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Do you have a strong urge to wear khakis and polos? I mean, I'm starting to, man. I'm starting to. Do you answer to like a regional manager and you have a bunch of people that are like, hey, go restock the shelves? I mean, kind of.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Or, I mean, when you said styrofoam, you know how much I love it. So, yeah, I gotta give you that one. Oh, I have some styrofoam. Oh, you don't have to do that. Does that go through the microphone? You would lose points if you tried. Wouldn't you like to know? No, I wouldn't. Um, Bob, you're up first over here, man. Let's pay attention to this. These statements. Are you hearing that?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I'm going to give you three, you know, because you're my friend and you get three of them. Oh, colder than the hinges of hell, colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon, and so cold that the milk cows gave icicles. I'm going to say that those are all phrases to describe when it's really cold. Wow. Mark, what do you think? Can I say his? Can I say this?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
You could agree, or you could say exactly what he said if you can repeat it. I agree. Okay. Yeah, that's right. You guys are... Mark agreed, so I get extra points, right?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
No! No, because I thought that too! I even knew that! My dad milked cows once, he said that thing. And he's dead. So, you know, I'll never get that again. So close. So close. Damn it. More lip quivering, it would have been there. We're so close to something. Whose turn is it to go first here? I think it's Mark's turn? Yes. Mark, what does it mean to have one's shirt out?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
To be working so hard, you're sweating a storm, you need to take off some clothes. Okay, Bob, what does it mean to have one's shirt out? That is a thing that you would say to someone if they packed their suitcase really poorly and articles of clothing or other things were like hanging out of the, like comically, like they closed it and stuff was hanging out of the suitcase. Hey, your shirt's out.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Okay. It means to be angry. Your shirt's out because you're angry, like you're ready to fight, I think. I don't know about that one. That sounds stupid. Yeah. No, I don't think it's right. I'd rather have Marx than that one. It's a 19th century Australian thing. Australians said it, you know. Arnar. Did you say Marx should get the points for that one? He did say that. He did.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I'd say I'd rather Marx was the truth than that one. I mean, I was thinking about giving it to him there because, I mean, he said to get hot and sweaty, which is part of like the anger thing, but it's not. It's tangential, but not like. That's true, I guess. But you agree, Bob? All right. Okay. You said that's true, I guess. Well, that's true, I guess. Oh, this is weird.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I don't know when my life turned into the way that it's starting to go down because I love being in the creative seat of everything. I like doing that. But when you're working on a movie or anything, the director, there's a lot of other roles to fill. And I was like, that's always been a temporary thing. You join a crew for that.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I guess they don't... There's two of them here together. I'm going to give you. Off his kadoova and off his chump. Those aren't words. Apparently, 19th century Australians used the have one shirt out, but they also used these. Guys, what are we doing with words, Australia? Off his kadoova, K-A-D-O-O-V-A, and off his chump. Trying to imagine Bluey's dad saying, office chump. Nah, I could see that.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Office Kadoova. I'm Australian. Oi, roi, I'm Australian. Off my Kadoova. Definitely, Kadoova and Chump are both Australian beers. And that's when someone's real grumpy because he wants a drink, but he's trying to cut back on beer drinking. Like, ah, don't worry about him. He's off his Chump.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Oh, yeah. Eruption in the streets and an eruption in the sheet. When you're done, you hop off his kadoova. It's like an erection. I know, actually, you could also use that at work. Like if your boss is giving you a hard time, be like, hey, get off my Kadoova. Guy's been riding my chump. Bob, I think I got to give you this one.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
It wasn't exactly right, but it's someone who's acting a little bonkers. And if someone is off of their whatever. I got that gorilla grip Kadoova. It's actually rebranded in Australia as Koala Grip, but same idea. We're stopping there. We've done it. That's it. I've got so many more. We'll come back again one day, but I thought it was pretty good. I'm going to tally up the points.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Bob, I'm going to read your points first. That's probably a good sign. You got points for we're rooting for Lexi, because we are. Take the Egg, Rain Napper, Drunk, Cold, Kadoova, and Hot Fox. What? Hotter than a fox in the whatever. You got points for that one. Oh, okay. Right, right. Mark, you got points for Not That I Don't Mind. You're double negative there. That's capitalism, baby.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
But now that I have more direct hands-on work with my team of editors and Cloak and the workshop that I'm trying to build with all the printers, it's a lot of just...
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
You also got points for drunk. Hot. Cold. Erection. Gives a body the flesh creep. I think I wrote shirt butt. Shirt butt? Shirt out. That's an O. That's a lot of things. Yeah, but you got extra points for Lexi. Oh, all right. Mark, you got a total of eight points. Bob, you also got a total of eight points. This is pre-wheel. We're currently sitting in a tie. How many wheels are we doing?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Can you do that right before the wheel goes? Just start stripping as like a last ditch effort? Like, I gotta win this. Because I feel like right now I'm actually the one who's wearing the least. But between you two, I don't know. Because Bob's got an undershirt, but you've got a jacket. I'm wearing shorts. I'm wearing socks. I could take off everything below the waist. Do you have socks on, Mark?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
No socks, no socks. You guys might, you might be ahead then by the socks. All right, cool. All right, well, there's 14 options, so it's not, listen. Oh, I forgot to read my points. I got points for Slay, S-L-A, because I said I didn't, I deserved points last episode for him and didn't get them, so I gave myself a point. And I got a point for Ella Goop. Sure, sure, sure.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
All right, are we ready for our one spin? Yeah, I'm ready. Come on, tallest. Oh, no. Most locked in. I don't think I was very locked in this episode, I'm pretty sure. It's kind of a competition between us to see who was least locked in, because I feel like I was also in and out a little bit.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
managing and not that i don't mind doing that it's just like suddenly i i feel like it's like just as you grow older you just feel like you're shoved into this kind of like role and there's really it's it's like all the things that i want to do are happening but it's like i suddenly need to do all i have to be a responsible adult i have to kind of coordinate i have to plan i hate planning
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I would fight for this if I felt like I was really strongly in it, like I felt like I was just banging out the answers. But I feel like the editors might have had to cut out...
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
quite a lot of me waffling to get to this point in the episode so i gave five points toward bob for things that were kind of i considered locked in and four to you we have a couple of your points for funny things um you went with erection for a very long time instead of coming up with the different ideas i was pretty locked into the erection that's true even though if you'd gone with drunk it would have been actually correct you got with drunk this would have been a walk away wouldn't even have been close yeah true yeah hey let's not overthink it i'll take the point
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Bob's got Take the Egg, Napper, Hot and Cold, Drunk, and Kadoova. Bob, you got it by the Kadoova. Ooh. The Kadoova puts you over the edge. That's the way I like it. That's fair. That ends with Bob at nine and being our winner. Winner speech. All right. Can I just say, I like the wheels at the end. I get excited.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I know they're not always going to be the most interesting thing, but when shit goes crazy with the wheels, shit really goes crazy. And I'm here for it. Whoever invented that, and I think it might have been Mark, possibly the best idea in the show's history. Just got it. Just can't praise it enough. Excellent work, everybody. Also, it helped me win today, so.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Until next week when it's like, worst stat invention ever. Horrible. Destroy it. If the wheel is always on my side, I can't get mad at it. Now can I? I mean, it cost you last week with me, technically. Bring stuff up. Remember who's hosting next time. That's true, but you'll forget it by then. I will. Mark, loser speech.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
So sorry. So sorry. All right. I don't know. Your rhyming scheme really started off strong. And then just like, just like me with most of my content started off strong, terrible finish, but mid middle. And that, you know, has, has people usually tune out by then. So they only see the best stuff at the front. I front load everything. Very few people even got to this end of the episode.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
So as for all they know, I crushed it and I will crush it in the next episode. You heard it here first, all downhill from hello, everybody. It sure is. Always was, always will be. But next episode, I've earned myself a right to compete again. Didn't get banished from the show, so I think I'll count that as a win. What a silver lining to find. A lot of rhymes in there, man.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
If I could give you bonus points that don't count, I will. Wow. Thanks, man. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you guys for watching. If you haven't followed the podcast, do that. If you're not watching the podcast and you're not driving, do that. We're flying or boating or, you know, biking, whatever. If you haven't already, check out these guys.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MySkirm, me at Minion77, or LordMinion777. Merch, maybe, soon, possibly, should be, could be, would be. It's coming. It's coming. Stay tuned. Until then, podcast out.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I hate scheduling. I hate it. And yet I had a big, I scheduled a meeting yesterday to have a meeting about scheduling. Whoa, you scheduled a scheduling meeting? I did that. That's not me. Who am I? No, that's not good at all. You also had the very creative double negative. You said like, not that I don't mind managing. I'm trying. I mean exactly what I say. I want everyone to know.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
In the nicest way possible, it does not sound like a thing that you're particularly suited for, my dude. No, it's not. It really isn't. But I'm getting better, and that's concerning to me. Right? It is. Well, to be fair, there was a lot of room there for that. Oh, come on, man. No, I was closed off to it. Please. Mark, take points away. Take some points away for that. Yeah, try it. Try it. Try it.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
What the fuck is true laugh? Yeah, your real laugh. What the hell? True laugh came out again. Damn it, I gotta hide that better. Anyway, yeah, so I'm doing a lot of that. But it is cool because when you are in this place where you are coordinating a team effort and you're doing it, I think, okay, hopefully, God, I hope they don't hate me. I hope I'm really not Michael Scott-ing it in there.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Dude, that feeling never goes away. In any situation where you're in charge of anyone for any reason, man, is that always in the back of your mind. Or maybe not for people who like being managers, but any time I've ever had to be, like, any slightly managing anyone, I'm always like, God, but they fucking hate me. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, it needs to happen, but oh.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
but you better do your job through a team effort like jason's been helping build this workshop and then john my buddy john came over um just the past couple days also helping and it's amazing like what kind of just three nerd brains can get together and kind of figure out because we as soon as we were all in the same room we just started talking tools and i don't care if that's a sign of getting older it was awesome we were just talking about random
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
tools workshop stuff 3d printers we're talking about lighting kits like how to make whatever we wanted to make and then because john's much more experienced in 3d printing than i am and kind of like fabricating in general and so it's like that got me talking about sla printers as something resin printing was never something that i really thought about but i was like if we have more people here to help maintain these machines and get the the filtration because it has a lot of fumes coming out of there
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm today's host. Why? Because the wheel favors me. And really, that's pretty much it. Joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey boys, how y'all doing? Hi. Hello. I'm good. Great. Did you want more? Did you? Nope. I wanted one word answers only.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I don't know. You know, it sucks that I'm doing less of the actual creative, but also it opens up doors to creative that I would not ordinarily be able to do just by myself. You know what I mean? I need more people to talk tools with. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I'm slowly accumulating those poser miniature toolboxes back here. And I'm in... I can't... God, tools, man.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Wade! What a tool! It's out of the box and everything. Wow. Bob and I held these up last time together. What an incredible tool. I got one of those somewhere over here. Someone was really upset when I said, or had a problem with me saying that CNC was becoming more accessible. And they were like, well, this is crazy. Like the only thing not accessible about it is the price.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And I'm like, what did you think I meant? What do you think I meant by that? The prices are coming down. They're more accessible. This is not a podcast for poor people. If you can't afford a CNC machine, why are you watching this podcast?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
didn't you read the the fine print before clicking watch but it's crazy because all this is becoming more accessible even 3d printing is becoming more accessible now i'm not sponsored by them and i don't even know how good this is or how bad it is or unreliable but a company called elegoo you guys know about elegoo obviously yeah i didn't know i didn't know about elegoo until i saw this insert something with gwyneth paltrow and elegoop joke that's funny
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Blow up the other two. Back to one. Elu made this 3D printer that's a lot like the Bamboo Lab that I have, which costs like $1,200 for $300.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And it's just, it's probably not as... get able to get the temperatures like as precisely controlled. I bet there's some shortcomings there. It's cheaper. It's 300 bucks though versus 1200. That's 25% the price. You could buy four of those for one of the bamboo labs. Yeah. If you couldn't afford one for 1200, you can definitely afford four for 1200. Yes, exactly.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Why buy one when you can buy four? Also Prusa. That's basically a business. It is. It is. Deeper than a PC nowadays. Prusa, which is a company that's like very famous for kind of like helping build the 3D printing landscape. They made Prusa Slicer, which is like, I think the backbones of a lot of slicers for other 3D printers.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And it's like they are also coming out with one that is competing with the Bamboo Lab in terms of price called the Core something something. Prusa. Hey. Elegoo, you can sit aside. Prusa. We play favorites here. Yeah, I'll play favorites to whoever gives me stuff. Give. We're desperate. Would you like a 3D printer? Wade, what would you print? Oh.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
When I forget my slippers upstairs, maybe I'd print a pair to go back up. Wade, I honestly think given the state of technology, even you could successfully 3D print something. If you got a 3D printer that you didn't need to set up. Oh, I could. Listen. You can use AI to generate 3D imagery now. I could. I'm smart enough to do it.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
You didn't say anything about small talk or anything, but... And one word, how are you? Sad is kind of a downer, but I'm gonna go with sad. Actually. Sad and good. All right, excellent.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
And then there are tools that will scan a 3D image into a file that is printable. You can literally just say something like, make me a statue of me. And as long as it knows who you are, it could generate a file that you could put on your printer that you could print without having to learn almost anything, which I know is your favorite. I could do it.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Listen, y'all, I play the fool very well, but I am a smart guy. I just don't want. I don't want much. What would I print that I would actually want? That's my problem. I just don't. want things. It is true, right? Like a 3D printing thing is kind of cool for like replacement parts making organizers. That's probably what most people would make.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
You make tool organizers, you make shelving organizers, you make Dude, gridfinity. Oh, God, would I print the shit out of some gridfinity if I had a bigger volume printer? But for me, what I'm building the workshop for is I want to be able to make any kind of prop, any kind of set decoration that we would ever need to make in my own workshop. That makes sense.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
There's a lot of things in various movies. Anything that you're making, you need to have set decoration, you need to have props, and you can make some really intricate things with 3D printing quickly and cheaply, and you can iterate and make multiple versions of it. I'm not looking for things to sell, but...
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
But honestly, if someone wanted to, they can open an Etsy shop or on eBay or probably even Amazon, I bet. And you can sell your own things if you have the right designs and you make things that are useful to other people. Like everyone can print, but if you just think about what there's a need for, that's capitalism, baby. Everyone can make money. But it's not about that sometimes.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Well, if you've never been here before, this is a show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and I don't give them enough time to talk or explain much about what's going on until right now when I say, hey, small talk. Would you like to elaborate on any of the things you've said? Sure. Well, it's confusing because of how time works, right? But right now, we're in the future.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Which is really the point. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, of course. Well, we don't say that out loud. Well, that's the whole point. That's the only point. But anyway, SLA, hey, whoever wants to give me a bunch of really cool SLA printers, I will sell my soul for it. I will shill out. I'll shill. I'll shill. I don't shill often, but I'll shill. I'll shill for it. I'll shill all over you. Shill hard.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
It has been a theme since... When did we start this podcast? No one's given me anything. Please. They will. This time they're watching Ponderosa, or whatever you said, they're watching. It's going to work eventually. Ponderosa? No, it's a restaurant. Prusa? Prusa. Yeah, yeah. Ponderosa. Prusa, yeah. Anyway, it's probably because I don't check my business email.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
No one knows how to get to me, so I'm sure that's it. Anyway, yeah, that's me. We've gone through the small talk, we've made our pleas for items, I guess by the time this comes out it won't really make much of a difference probably anymore, but obviously we all want what's best for Lexi, so let's keep Lexi in our minds.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
But for now, I'm going to try to give us all a different kind of distraction, because I'm hosting an episode, and I do have a topic for today. Last time I hosted, if you all remember, we did an episode called Bring Em Back, where we went through some old phrases and- Is that what it was called? That's what I had it called in my notes. Wasn't it called Right in the Sauce Box?
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Maybe it was called Right in the Sauce Box in actuality, but it's Bring Him Back in my heart. Ah, I see. Right in the Sauce Box is pretty good, though. Pretty good. But for today, I'm going to do something a little bit the same. We're going to do Bring Him Back 2. Yippee! Or Back Out of the Sauce Box. Editors, make three of me. No, actually, just reuse the same assets. Don't cut out new stuff.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I don't want you to work at that, but... Yep. I don't know what they're asking of you, but you can just leave me alone. Editors, don't touch me! No! No! Only put all of our cutouts in Wade's camera. Get him out of here! This is my personal space! I'm so sorry, editors. I know you're trying to get ahead on these episodes. Taking these off. I don't want to listen to you all anymore.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
This is much better. I have a lot more specific requests for you, editors, so pay attention during today's episode. Enough of your editor needs. It's time for my weighty lead or something. I don't know. Yeah, go on. Go on. So I had a long list of things here. We didn't get to as many as I would have liked. So we're going back in and we're going to start off with a doozy here.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
I think you guys could figure this one out. Bob, I'm going to let you go first. Oh, okay. For no particular reason, but you're going to go first. Sure. Tell me, Bob, what is a giggle mug? That's a giggle mug. That's a measurement of liquid volume. That's what that is.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
That's the last episode's thing. Whomsoever is listening or watching this, you're in the future. But right now, it's two days before Lexi has surgery. Lexi is my dog for anyone who doesn't know. And she has a cancerous tumor on her little leg. Honestly, it's been all good news that we took her in for a routine checkup and they were like, well, she's got a little mass on her leg.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
Derives from the amount by volume of absinthe one needs to drink, you know, in one glass before you start giggling because you're having funny little, you know, hallucinations, psychosomatic effects from the drink or whatever. So Okay. So a method, a measurement of like drunkenness or highness.
Distractible
Our Shirts Are Out
No, it's, it's like a, you know, there's like a high ball and there's like a rocks glass and it's lesser known, but the giggle mug is of that origin. Okay. Mark, now, assuming Bob isn't correct, which he could be. I am. What do you think a giggle mug is?
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, Mark was late to the recording today because he was working on this. I think I'm understanding why Iron Lung's taking a while. Damn. Look, guys, I'm not going to lie.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
It's found in the feet, right? Because that's why people hit the gas really hard. They have a lead foot.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Not the one that we're using for our connection. I don't think that's Fiber One. I think that's just regular. You know what? Was that quoting a commercial?
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Except lead. If you line it with lead, it resists the corrosion.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Well, it is called asbestos, not as worstest, so maybe we should. When did we find out that lead was bad for us? Because I imagine that all of this stuff was done before we knew that lead was terrible. Because there was, like, lead-based paint.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Merrily. Real happy while she did it. I'm sick. Don't worry. Mary Curie. My favorite holiday. Marie Curie. My favorite planet. Marie Curie. Venus.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Well, they look like little condoms for like little stubby dicks. They've even got the little tip to hold the semen. What? I just searched comb jellies in one of the images.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
And I spelled jelly F-R-T. You know, you use two knives to scoop it out. Jelly.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Do you think there's an anus museum where you just walk around and you see a whole bunch of different images of animals taking shits, and you can compare their anuses, like... Oh, interesting, interesting. That sphincter has six distinct ridges.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
No, no, no. Comb jellies live up to three years. My anus is older than that. That's weird to think about. Our anuses are older than any living comb jelly is known to me.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I don't know if I want to make the claim that I feel like a lot of buttholes look the same. If someone's like, wait, that's got to be Wade's butthole.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I don't want to think about it. They have those little like ridges and lines.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I don't know. Imagine like the security where it's like instead of putting your hand against it, you have to put your butthole up against the wall. Little thing that juts out. It's like, ah, welcome, Wade.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
God damn it. I was trying to give an interesting fact, and it just led me to full fucking circle. I was like, I literally put in my search and it will never be out of my history. Animals with the most intricate anus. And number one is the fucking comb jelly. To stardom.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
But they describe it as the warty comb jelly. the hum the warty comb jelly has an anus that appears and disappears making an animal with an intricate anus is it like you know you played peekaboo and it's just like the scientist like where'd it go it's got one where'd it go soldier future soldier camouflage is based on the comb jelly's anus Man, how innovative is this anus?
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Uh, the giant California sea cucumber also has an intricate anus. It can breathe and eat through it. That's not that weird. Lots of things do that. The bombardier beetle can shoot a boiling mix of chemicals out of its anus. The marine worm remycelus multicudata has a body divided into a dozen branches, each ending in a butt. So it's got many butts? It's got a multi-butt? I guess so, yeah.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
If you have a butthole, do you automatically have butt cheeks? I don't think so.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Every interesting butthole article I can find all goes back to the jelly. I don't like that sentence. The comb jelly, the comb jelly.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
it was so great i forgot oh i loved it so much did amy hit him with the casual thumbs down as you drove past him again no i didn't do that that would have been great but oh man you gotta give him the gladiator where you give him this one at first like oh oh it was so great i love that moment i'm too afraid to taunt drivers in ohio they buy real bullets here
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
California have all those avocado bullets and those, like, gluten-free bullets. Here, it's all pure grease and man. And man? Bullets made of man.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
He's right, you know, it is. I believe anything you all say. Anyway, all right, help.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
God, I love yes anding. Seven. Ooh, no but. You know what does have but? A warty comb jello fish. You all right? Jello fish.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I have a fun fact for you. Rats, one pair of rats can produce 15,000 descendants a year. Damn.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
That's a lot of sex. Unless they have 5,000 babies per sex, but it's only three sex. I don't think so.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I think it's simulated poop. Cool, cool. They get a bunch of jellyfish. Go on. They put them in a toilet. The jellyfish poop. And that's it. I don't want to watch. I would not watch. I've seen enough plumbing in my life. I don't need to see more.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Scard, missing fur patches. Slightly glows in the dark. Anyone else? No. What? I don't know why that was so aggressive. It just came out that way.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I'm a good person. That gives Bob seven. I choose to give all my antagonizing points to me. I'm too selfish.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Oh, it's the thing Mark's wanted to happen for a year now. What?
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Good thing we're ready for that, because we have to record another one right now.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I'm just watching Bob die every time he takes a sip of his drink.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
guys i've been reading oh i already told you that guys i've been playing video games and you'll never know it already been over that guys it finally warmed up in cincinnati and that's been really nice though i think it's gone again it's cold again today but we had like a day where it was almost 60 degrees it was almost 70 yesterday whoa
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
like 67 degrees outside it was amazing and despite that we still have a giant block of snow from where it was like shovel plowed like one big pile it's gone everywhere for this one stupid pile it's just still there that funny how that works
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
yeah it's also sad and tragic it's just snow man why is it tragic no because i'm so tired of so this is the most devastating thing you saw i'm so tired of snow ma'am i'm used to cincinnati we get like a dusting it lasts two days goes away i'm like you know that's good for me this like three weeks of snow has been awful and now that it's all melted there was like there was a square patch that we
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
shoveled of grass so the dog's in a place to go use the restroom now that the snow's melted it is green everywhere except this one patch looks like the fucking bone lands or whatever they're called in the lion king we're just like dead and brown and sad it's like man i guess dog urine and shit really isn't as good for the yard as i thought it was like oh they're watering the plants how nice of them it looks terrible it's the p you know p has ammonia in it plants don't like that
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
The poop is good. You can tell the one square that they've been using because man, oh man, is the grass just not good there. Lot of piss.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
uh no it's probably like a good 12 by 4 section of grass 12 by 4 what feet put that in meters no but i will tell you this i went out there a couple times and i cleaned up the dog poop in that section so that way it wasn't just all a slab of shit there are muscles apparently that you use whenever you crouch and walk around in a crouched position that i told that story he said though yeah
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Don't say ice. You're on thin sunshine. I don't know. I mean, we've not been going out a whole lot because it's been shitty weather.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
No. I've been reading and playing games, doing stupid house. I mean, you want to hear about tax documents? It's that season. Nothing exciting and fun.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
No, I used one on a steak last week, though. What was it made out of? Well, it was in this wood block with a bunch of other handles, and I pulled one out, and I was like, yep, that's a knife, and I cut the steak, washed the knife, that was it.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
I'm confused. You got a knife sharpener. You're using it on your sniper knife or your D2 knife. I scraped it once across there and I was like, it's probably already sharp. I don't need to ruin it with my... You broke the thing open, found the instructions. Uh-huh, yeah. And then you used the sharpener on other knives and those knives got sharper. I'm deducting a point for...
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
One. It was a shitty little whittling knife whenever I was whittling some, uh... Okay, what's that wood called? It's got like a pink core. Smells funny.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
Oh, man, I was a kid when I did it, so I don't remember. It was like a piece of wood that my grandpa gave me to whittle away at. And I was like, oh, that's cool. And I literally just did not do anything other than whittle it down to like the core. But like the end of it, it was like a piece of wood about it was not that thick.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
But the very middle of it was kind of like a purpley color and it had like a fun scent to it.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
But the knife needed sharpened at one point. So I got a sharpener and I sharpened the knife. I could continue to sharpen the wood.
Distractible
Mark Prepared For This
They sell guidebooks at even gas stations or convenience stores. Nah, I got this. I got the scroll. What do you mean? I don't need that. Yeah, you got the scroll, but you open it up and it's like all pictures. And it makes your tool last longer. It's called like a dick hardener or something. I think they call it Playboy.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I might as well start from a powerful stance, both in terms of stability and powerability.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Despite the other suggestion being obviously superior in many listable ways. I could, the other one could be a wheel. I haven't decided. But you're a right leg guy.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I'm shocked that this, I'm shocked this isn't just a battery, but at the same time that could be dangerous for all I know. So, you know, PowerPulse much safer.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Okay, okay, okay. Bob, möchtest du eine Körperseite wählen? Äh, ja. Oh, warte. Entschuldige. Sind links Nuts und rechts Nuts separiert? Ja, sie sind separiert. Ja. Lasst uns rechts Nuts wählen. Rechts Nuts. Okay, okay. Rechts Nuts.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
And that means I have to subject these two wonderful, beautiful competitors to my whims. I know you said nice things, but I was fully prepared to be offended by your descriptors of us. And I'm taking a little aback. You can be offended. I don't think that's appropriate. You were very nice.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Where's the pee hole? Where's that come out? I think we talked about that once.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
So you could put it back. You could just keep chewing it and putting it back. Shh.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Yeah, say no more. The amount of gum that I know Mark chews at a time, putting literal multiple packs into his mouth all at once to get the gum satisfaction that he seeks. He's going to need a big left nut to compensate for how big that gumball is going to have to Are you saying Mark doesn't have big cojones right now?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I don't know if his nuts are currently big enough to satisfy his gum lust, but I would be surprised. He also didn't eat today, and he could have had gum. These are all mysteries that no one will ever know the answer to. So, might as well just skate on past some of those questions and get down to the suggestion.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
What am I doing here? Right nut? The one I picked? Right nut. I did that. This might be more niche than I'm thinking it is, but it also just creates a lot of opportunities. You're not a big gambler, which sort of helps with the setup for this. It would be impossible for anyone to really challenge you, because it'd be kind of a weird thing to check.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It looks like a right nut, but what it actually is, is a card dispenser that dispenses royal flushes into your pants. Und so, wenn du Poker spielst, wenn du in den Casino gehst, wenn du mit deinen Freunden spielst oder was auch immer, es ist diskret, es ist unter dem Tisch, du musst nur ein spezielles Paar Schuhe haben oder arbeiten, weißt du, vielleicht Schuhe tragen oder so etwas.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Du kannst deine Schleifhände-Fähigkeiten entwickeln und dein rechter Knopf kann dir helfen, viel Geld bei Karten-Games zu gewinnen.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Das ist das Wichtigste. Du musst es in dein Pantleg schieben. Es ist nicht nur ein direkter Angriff und Angriff. Ist da ein Printer, damit du den Hintergrund der Karten vergleichen kannst? Es ist quasi-supernatural. Die Karten sind immer der korrekte Art von Karten. Wow. Okay, wow. Ein 3D-Printer?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Du hast gesagt, dass es keine Grenzen gab. Ich vermute, dass mit genug Zeit und Geld so ein Testikl inventiert werden könnte. Und meine Gesundheitsversicherung wird es befreien. Das ist viel mehr nützlich als ein Gumball. Du weißt, die Zufriedenheit eines Printers in meinen Panten zu sagen.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Ich weiß nicht. Every time you play poker, you're just like... Sorry, guys. I cough like that every hand, it seems like.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I don't know if it needs a remake. I don't know if that was a great game. Nah, great game. Don't play it, but great game. Morrowind, I think, was a great game.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
every time you do that you have five of a kind i what the fuck even what are we playing i think uh that's okay if it doesn't help for gambling and i get banned from vegas it's a great magic trick so i'm gonna go with the um the quasi supernatural we all make mistakes card nut yeah he already missed out on wheel so he's making up for it Hey, I got a power pole, you know. I don't regret that yet.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It's not even renewable energy, Mark. You're just gonna wire yourself into the same coal-choked grid that everyone else... You don't know what my head's gonna be. You don't know what it's gonna be. That's true, that's true, that's true. There's a long way to go. We're making blazing progress.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Yeah, you picked left leg to open this. There's only been one choice you've made, and it's left leg.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Die linke Arme. Okay, das könnte kontrovers sein. Wir wissen alle, dass ich TikTok wirklich mag. Und ich habe viel von TikTok geschaut. Und wenn es eine Sache ist, die ich kenne, die ein Fakt des Lebens ist, ist, dass man manchmal eine ganze Zucke essen muss.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Und für diesen Grund versuche ich, dass deine linke Arme mit dem Ding, das du auf dem TikTok-Shop kaufst, verwendet wird, wo es wie ein Mandolin ist, aber du kränkst es und schüttest die Zucke rein und es schneidet es in kleine Stücke. Es ist auch ein Cheesegrater. Es kommt mit verschiedenen Inserts. It's a multiple use tool. Okay. Left arm as seen on TikTok.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Are you unfamiliar with the sometimes you need to eat an entire cucumber? Let me show you how. I've been off TikTok for a bit. I've been on YouTube Shorts. Oh, you guys are missing out. Would recommend. It was destroying my brain. That's why I stopped. Well, the cucumber guy. He makes a lot of really good authentic Korean food. I think he lives in Korea. It's very cool.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
He's like an American kid who lives in Korea. It's fascinating. He makes delicious looking snacks. Und er geht zur 7-Eleven und die koreanische 7-Eleven sieht fucking großartig aus. Oh, koreanische Convenience Stores sind großartig. Sie sehen großartig aus.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Damn. Looks odd. But there's so much funny shit if you're willing to put hundreds of hours into it. Oh yeah, for sure, for sure.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Okay, well now we're just writing checks our body can't cash here. Yeah, so don't leave me high and dry.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Ich hoffe nur. Also, Wade, deine Idee ist sehr ambitiös, aber es ist wirklich nicht spezifisch. Wenn du gesagt hättest, wie Inspektor Gadget Arm, dann würde ich dafür gehen.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Es ist wie ein Multi-König-Tool mit Blades. Und ich weiß, dass Blades funktionieren. Versus ein obskurer Multi-Tool. Und ich könnte immer noch ein Multi-Tool halten. Also gehe ich mit dem Mandolin-Arm. Das ist dein Körper, Mann.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Yeah, you're not going to want to fight him here in another couple, 10, 15 minutes. You better watch out. All right, multi-mandolin. All right, we're going to have to pick up the pace a little bit. I want to go big. I know what I want. Yeah, what do you want? Head. Head, okay, head. Is it head or brain? It's kind of just head. I thought about doing brain, but head.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Eyes, nose and mouth are separate and hair is separate, but head. Wave.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
The head is where your mouth and your eyes are. I could describe it for you in more detail if you would like. You know where you don't have hair? That's the head.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
So do not include the eyes, nose or mouth in your suggestion for the head. Okay. Could include brain and whatever else is in there, who knows?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
If Bob wasn't here to save your suggestions, because I was thinking tiny little Lego block. Thank God he said big.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Okay, get ready for this one. This is out there. I'm pushing the limits. Okay. We're gonna replace your head. Your head made out of Wolverine-style self-replenishing adamantium. You get the same head, same shape, same bits. That's a lot of midface, man. Hey, come on, man. Hey, come on. What the hell, man? We can adjust. It can be tweaked.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It's just, you just, and it's not any of the rest of you, to be super clear. This is not a thing where I'm going to build this in. It's just from the neck up. You have Wolverine, Adamantium, Skeleton, self-regenerating magic head.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Wenn du Angst hast, dass viele auf deinen Kopf stecken, kann ich nicht unterscheiden. An dieser Höhe wäre ich es.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Also regeneriert mein Körper auch und... Ja, du hast volle Wolverine-Fähigkeiten, aber nur in deinen Kopfpartien.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I like it. Not eating carbs is really good for your teeth. Like my teeth feel healthier. It's something about how carbs and sugars just kind of ferment in your teeth.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Yeah, no, it's gonna lead to some weird consequences, but, like, you'll deal with that. By the time that's a problem, they'll probably be able to, like, give you a new, you know, robotic body or something. We'll solve that later.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
This was what I was trying to, like, think ahead a little bit. This is what I didn't think of. I'm formulating. I can't see it in my mind, but, like, I kind of, I'm trying to see it in my mind, you know, the Aphantasia. Oh, I am going to go with the opposite of a nose. I'm going to replace your nose with an oil diffuser. A scented oil diffuser.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Instead of you having to smell all the smells in the world, you will emanate only good smells. Du wirst das Ding sein, das so gut riecht. Und wenn du es willst, kannst du es leer lassen. Du musst es nicht abfüllen. Es ist kein magischer Öldiffuser. Du kannst es nicht abfüllen oder was auch immer. Mein Körper kreiert die Öle und entzündet sie. Vielleicht beeinflusst es, was du isst.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Vielleicht ist es so, dass wenn du viele Orangen isst, du weißt, dass das Orangen in deine Öligkeit einfügt. Nicht den Arsch essen. Ja, vorsichtig. Das ist gute Tipp für das Leben, Wade. Oh, bitte.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Oh, strong like that. Oh, can I get you? You're going all in, baby. Wait, you know what? Mark, we laughed. African elephants have the best sense of smell in the animal kingdom.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
That's what I thought. Sounded funny. I thought it would be like a bloodhound or something like that.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Is it an elephant nose, though? We're gonna go interior. You're not gonna have to have a long trunk. This is like a bag of holding nose. Like on the outside it's human sized, but on the inside it's elephant sized.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
You're like Hermione at the Quidditch World Cup, but it's your nose. You're just like... A whole tent.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Insurance will cover it, so super knows it is. I dipped us into the supernatural, I feel like that's totally fair. Alright, fair. It has been declared fair, but Wade, you win the point. Alright, Bob, pick a part. Where? I'm gonna cut right to the important parts. Heart. Heart. Got it. Wade, what's my heart? And you can't say super heart. Okay. Super duper hart.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Du musst dich daran erinnern, Wade. Nein, du musst dich daran erinnern, was es heißt. Komm schon. Es ist ein Publizitätsstunt, Wade. Es soll nicht funktionieren. Es ist die Reaktiv-Ark-Ark-Reaktor.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Er hat es geschafft. Er hat es geschafft. Er hat es geschafft. Er hat es geschafft.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Er hat es geschafft. We guided him there. We got him there. I saved Wade's guess. Well, I have another bold take. Wicked came out recently. Very, very popular. I saw it live on stage in Columbus like a long time ago, like 2008 or something. It was very good. Great show. Und wenn ich etwas von der Geschichte der Wizard of Oz-Welt lerne, versucht nur ein Schwester, das Herz zu verändern.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Der Tin-Man ist einer der größten Charaktere, nicht nur in der Fiktion, sondern in der ganzen Existenz. Und er ist die ganze Zeit versorgt, während ihrer Geschichte, für ein Herz. Ist er nicht derjenige, der ein Herz sucht? Er sucht ein Herz. Tin-Man? Ja. Und sie kommen endlich zum Wizard und er ist so, ah, du brauchst sie nicht. Und er merkt sofort, dass der Geist richtig ist.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Und er kriegt kein Herz. Und er ist für immer großartig, weil er sich nicht auf einen dummen Scheiß von Scheiß verlässt, um Blut durch seinen Körper zu pumpen. Er lebt einfach.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Ich freue mich auf das. Ich sage nicht Arche-Reaktor, sondern ich sage, sei ein Mann, lasse es als ein blödes Loch sein.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Kompelling. Sehr kompelling. Muss es Gapen sein? Du hast ihn gehört. Es muss kein Gapen sein. Es wird ein Loch sein. Du kannst es überstehen. Aber es gibt nichts da. Es ist ein leerer Raum. Vielleicht könntest du ein paar Gumballs versorgen. Yeah, you should have thought about that earlier. Just if that comes up. If you decide you need those and you change your mind on the nut thing.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
This is a tough one. It's real toughy. Even though it's Doni Hark's, I think I'm gonna go with Doni Hark's. Don't forget in Geirnman 4, Doni Hark needs to drink about 9 gallons of Cetametafil a day because the dark reactor is poisoning him because of reasons. I forget why exactly, but
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
No. Listen, man, I can't see. Do you need me to read out the options for you? Give him some options.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Alright. Bob, it's yours to lose, I guess. Your belly. Everybody knows that the belly's job is to process the nutrients as efficiently as possible. You know what? The stomach just isn't the most efficient way to do that. It's the most efficient way we could have evolved to do it, I guess, is how it worked out.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
But everybody knows the most efficient way to process nutrients down to their components is a Ninja Foodi blender. I propose that you have a hose from your mouth down into a Ninja Foodi that you can power with your arc reactor heart. Seitdem wir das gemacht haben, und wir haben einen davon. Infinitely Powered Ninja Foodi Blender. Und es ist derjenige, der den Sprenger hat, den Margarita-Sprenger.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Und dann spritzt er die verpackten Nutriente. Und du hast noch die niedrigeren GI. Du hast noch deine kleinen und großen Intestinen. Es ist einfach perfekt verpackt in den Ninja Foodi. Die fünf Bläder spritzen über 26.000 RPM, Marc. And it's so perfectly balanced that you won't even feel a single vibration. Even though it's mounted at the very core of your being, you'd never know it's in there.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
So the dispenser with the little margarita tab, is that on the outside? No, no, it's just like zip-tied onto your small intestine. And you have like a muscle that just like... Es ist wie ein Tendenz, der sich an einen bestimmten Muskel befindet, der einfach öffnet und die kleine Margarita-Dispenser öffnet.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Oh Mann, ich habe nicht mal einen von diesen mehr. Also, okay, cool. Wir können das verdienen. Wir kriegen einen. Wir kriegen einen. Okay, danke. Danke. Also, in der Form von Essen, weil ich den Mandelarm habe, kann ich... Ich bin heute sehr fokussiert auf Essen, wahrscheinlich. Ja, ich kann das sehen. Wade wird es schwierig sein.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Yes, now you're thinking... You pandering son of a bitch. Exabytes? It is my body, Bob. I would want it to be what I want.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Dude, you win exabytes? EXO-BITES?! Wenn ich... Nein, eigentlich ist das unglaublich, weil wenn ich mit all dem Versorgung, das ich benötigen würde, digitales Versorgung auf meinem Körper benötigen würde... Das ist eine unglaubliche Suggestion. EXO-BITES?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
You're right. You're right. He's right. Okay, we got time for like one more. Do I pick? You do. Can we do the eyes? Yes, eyes are available. And Wade, you are picking eyes.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
In all honesty, I don't look that weird. You can cover a power pole leg. I don't have to keep it extended. Wolverine head just means I have the skin healing and the metal bones.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Like, I feel like... Especially that, no one needs to know about that. That's like the most private part of all of this. This is fairly stealthy so far. You're not specifying what camera though, because there's a lot and many of them would be a downgrade from these bad boys.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
If you're gonna pander, do a better job. He's done a pretty good job pandering, Bob. Do you think you can pander harder? Mark, I would replace your eyes with a beautifully rehoused, professionally restored and refurbished Konica Magolta MD 135mm F2 Telephoto Manual Focus Lens. Damn. It's a good all-arounder. It's a beautiful lens. Do you know this off the top of your head?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Fucking, I listen when he talks. What do you mean, do I just know this? This thing Mark talked to us about for a year plus repeatedly? Yeah, I recall.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It's a very good lens, but that one is a telephoto. I would live life zoomed in. Would you want the Konica Minolta MD32 Prime? Is that the one? Was it the 32? No. Oh, es gibt keine 32. Du verlierst mich. Nein, nein, es war ein seltsamer Nummer. War es nicht ein seltsamer Nummer? Weil viele von ihnen sind 35, aber dieser war wie ein seltsamer Nummer, war es nicht? Oh, er verliert mich. Oh nein.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Oh, warum ist es 58? Das ist so eine seltsame Fokallänge. Das ist nicht eine gemeinsame.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Okay, also wir haben Lenses gegen Lenses und einer war nur mehr spezifisch.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Ich sollte es nur... Was mich an die Lenses angreift, ist, dass ich eine andere hatte, mit der ich gehen wollte. Aber ehrlich gesagt, es war immer noch eine Kamera.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It's all up from wherever you decide. Alright, Wade wins! Alright! No, I'm just kidding. I have a gambit. And I will throw this down. It's nothing, it's not convoluted. I'm just gonna throw this out there. You will upgrade your penis to the only thing that could be an upgrade. Wade's Penis. Well.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I'm not even saying that he's stealing it necessarily. If you want him to steal it, I guess that's fine. Do you have a twin? Alright, you will if you don't come up with something better. Or I'm going to steal your penis.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Does it have a genie in it? Does it? Oh my god. Jesus Christ. What the fuck was that? The lamp. This lamp literally started freaking out.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
But also you won. Yeah, but at what cost? Yeah, you have to admit that your penis is not as cool as Aladdin's lamp. That's true. You're right. Alright, anyway.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
To recap, going from bottom up, I have a power pole for my left leg. The surgery ran long. Insurance decided to cancel the claim. Halfway through.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Thank you. I rest my case, Your Honor. Bob, how's your life? Good, really good. I've been sick for a month and a half straight. That's great, man. I've been sick, Manny's been sick, Baby's been sick. It turns out Baby's just bringing all kinds of little everything because he has no immune system and then everyone passes it around because we all, you know, we hang out a lot.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Am I still me after replacing all these pieces? Why don't you ask your penis genie? That's good. I bet he knows you better than anyone else will.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Mark geht auf einen dramatischen Dive auf dem Racketballplatz und der Genie kommt aus seinen Schuhen. Nein, Mann! Kannst du das sagen? Total die Punkte. Wade, du hast einen Oblivion-Punkt.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I do. I was confused. I thought you got a point for lying. I didn't realize you lost a point. So it actually was a little closer than I thought. It's not a subtraction. You're right. I thought you lost a point. No, when you said that, you were like, I'm going to give you a point for lying. I was like, damn. I thought in my head, I was like, take away point, no.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Okay, so it was not as close as I, it was as not close as I thought. Because that took away a point that you had before, now that doesn't. Wait. Did I just lose a point or am I still at 8? Did he just gain 2 points or 1 point? You have 10 points now, somehow. I feel like no matter how we get there, the summary is Wade wins somehow. Alright, Wade, you win by 10 points instead of 8.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
James got sick first, back in October. And then I got sick and then Mandy got sick. And then Mandy kind of stayed sick. And then I kind of got better. And then James almost got better, but then he got more sick. And then he kind of got me sick again. And I think I just got Mandy sick again. We've all just had like a cough and a sore throat and a stuffy nose for like a month and a half.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I feel like I threw out some interesting options. I think you were drawn in by a little bit of aggressive pandering. I don't blame you, because it is your body and you should have it the way that you want. But I feel good about the creativity that I brought to the battle today. And I think some people out there are going to be really into some of the ideas I had, so...
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I feel like a winner even though I am objectively a loser. Congratulations, that's what really matters. I'm glad neither of you commented on my hands. I haven't seen this drawing yet. It's a lot of parts. Is that how your hands actually look? Were you in some kind of horrific hand accident? Editor, make this fucked up.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Have a good day, everyone. If you don't subscribe to the podcast, we're gonna come after you and chase you. I'm not very fast. Don't be scared. We'll never catch you, but we're just gonna join the chase. Merch. Somewhere. Find it if you can.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Es geht gut, es geht gut. Außerdem denke ich, dass ich mein Leben über eine Dekade verletzt habe, weil ich ein Handgelenk auf unserer vorderen Bühne installiert habe. Wir haben konkrete Steine nach vorne unserer Haus und es gibt kein Gelenk oder irgendetwas auf unserer Bühne. Es ist super gefährlich. Also habe ich ein Handgelenk mitgebracht, das ich in den Konkret gedrillt habe.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Nachdem ich all das gemacht habe, solltest du eine Art N92-Maske für Partikel tragen, weil wenn du Konkret drehst, macht es wirklich feine Messothelioma-Type Stoffe. Es ist nicht Messothelioma, aber es ist... Und während ich das gemacht habe, war ich wie drillen, wie ein Hammer, der Konkret drillt. Sehr unangenehm. Es ist literally wie... Für Millimeter nach Millimeter.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Oh well. And then I kept going and I did that for about four hours. I'll probably die soon of lung debris or whatever we get from concrete dust. That's good. Going good. Everything's great over here. Good. I wonder why you're sick for a month and a half. I have no idea. Can I ask for specific small talk from Bob?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Hell yeah. Uh, which the name of which I can't remember currently. It's like Appliance Factory, Appliance Factory, Appliance Factory Mattress Outlet. The guys that worked there were super nice. Literally while we, when we got there, there was a truck loading that was about to leave. And we talked to the guy. We were like, we need this like for tomorrow.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving or tomorrow's the day before Thanksgiving. We have no fridge. Can you help us? And he was like, Hey, Gary, just wait a minute. Just hang out in the back, okay? Take a break. I'll hold the truck here and if you guys decide to buy this fridge, we'll put it on that truck and it will take it out to the warehouse and then they'll deliver it to you guys tomorrow. And they did.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
And it worked. We literally bought it. It was great. Great service. And the dude texted me every step of the way. He texted and was like, hey, did the delivery guys reach out to you? Yeah? Okay, good, good. Hey, did they show up? Yeah, they're at your house now?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Dude, every day for the rest of my life is going to be small business Tuesday or whatever the hell that's called. Honestly, they had a big showroom. It was a very nice store. It's not like it was a mom and pop place, but it's a local place. I'm down to give my money to a local business 100% of the time from here on out because the big box stores have never done a good thing to me. Hahaha.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Unless I'm going in and grabbing the product myself, they've always been terrible.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Oh yeah, I'll totally recant all that. I'll do anything for a sponsor, don't worry.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Oh, yeah, no, whatever. I guess content, but I mean, we could stage all kinds of stuff for content. Every time you pass an alley and someone goes and wants to buy a fridge, you gotta go in there for the content, man. You just gotta. Just have a basement with like eight fridges in it. Can't stop.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
I mean, it could work. It turned out he's totally legit. You go into his dark alley and then you pick one and he pulls out a clipboard with a bunch of work and he's like, alright, we can get this delivered to you in about a week. I want to be alley trench coat fridge guy now. Do you want to sign up for the alley appliance store rewards program? It's free to sign up and you'll get some emails.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It helps you, helps us. 20% off this fridge right now. Gut, gut. Ich bin froh, Wade, du hast Bob über das Fridge-Update gefragt. Ich habe ihm den Punkt dafür gegeben. Danke. Das ist fair. Ich habe völlig vergessen, dass wir das nicht beantwortet haben.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Sprechend von Catching Up, haben Sie die News-Story über den CEO von United Healthcare gesehen?
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
What a coincidence. I did see that. You know, interesting thing. Today I saw that they decided not to go through with that.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
A lot of people aren't even upset. It is interesting. You see a lot of stuff. I mean, even, we don't really talk politics, but even earlier this year, Trump, during the campaign, was shot at and grazed by Trapnola or Bullet or whatever it was. He is possibly the most divisive person, thing in our country. And even that, people were like, Well, guys, violence, come on now.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Like, this is not the way. Go vote, you know? And then the United Healthcare CEO and literally, I'm struggling to find online people being like, violence is not the answer. Everyone is kind of like, ooh.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
No, I mean, it's really fucked up that he died and he's a person, but also the sentiment online about it is telling, I think, to the state of things. The sentiment boils down to, from what I see, is a
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
But this does bring me to another conversation that I've been thinking about, because what better time to take advantage of the probably new beneficial process Benefits that we're gonna get from our health insurance and have an opportunity to improve our lives forever.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Nein, nein, du kannst es sehen, du kannst es sehen. Also, ich habe einen blanken Slate, weil ich einen Top-to-Bottom-Reparationen von fast jedem Teil von mir machen möchte, weil ich denke, es ist nur Zeit, von der Grunde her wieder zu machen.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Und ich möchte, dass ihr vorlegt, welchen Upgrade diese Partie haben wird.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Und dann wird jeder, der diesen Spot bekommt, diesen Punkt bekommen. Und dann am Ende werde ich ein ganz neues Ich sein. Und werde ich das gleiche Ich sein? Do we have any budgetary restrictions or anything? Or is it just the sky's the limit? Insurance will cover it now. Things really are changing.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
No, Mark of Theseus. The Mark of Theseus. Are you sure it's not called The Body of Markeus? Nah, that doesn't work. That's way worse, actually. The Ship of Markey? Mark's Parts. Just abandon Theseus altogether. Oh man, but people won't click on that. No, yeah, we gotta clickbait it a little bit. Mark's Parts. Parentheses. Yeah, Ship of Theseus stuff. Alright.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Wade, du gehst zuerst, für Gründe, die ich nicht erklären kann. Nimm eine Partie und wir fangen damit an und du präsentierst etwas. Oder nein, hier geht's. Du nimmst eine Partie, Bob muss zuerst antworten oder sagen, was es ist.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
It is a few pixels short of PS3-era graphics for us, but... Specifically left leg. I did separate the body out. If we run out of time, I'll start smashing bodies together and we'll just assume it's the same one, but left leg. Alright, left leg. I mean, this might be controversial and I'm gonna have to sort of describe this for you, but I feel like you seem like a right leg guy to me.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Like if you're kicking something, you need your right leg. That's a right leg activity. So left leg is really sort of second fiddle.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
And I feel like you could upgrade that substantially if you replace left leg with, you know those Segway wheels where you stand on it and you can like, it's like a one wheel almost, but it's like you replace your left leg with some kind of wheel based traversal instrument where it's like, You can just pick your right leg up and you become like a wheelie man. You know, you got the wheels.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Duckwheels, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he dives into the pile of coins, right. Alright, so, uh, wheel, I think is what that boils. At first I thought you were gonna say, you're a right leg guy, so you know what your left leg should be? Another right leg. Nein, ich würde nur sagen, dass du es nicht so viel benötigst.
Distractible
Mark of Theseus
Also, das Rad, es enthält einige der Funktionalitäten, die dein linkes Bein aktuell hat, aber dein rechter Bein ist wirklich das, was du dafür brauchst. Es ist wie ein poweriertes, selbstbebalanciertes, gyroscopisch stabilisiertes Radsystem. Es ist wie ein ganzes System. Das ist wichtig. Okay, all right. Wade, was denkst du, äh, Hintergrund zu dem?
Distractible
Slice of Life
and molly's got a brand new car you know what that's closer i'd count that more than i'd count molly's new car being your car for sure she drove it home we went out last night did like a night drive it was really nice and uh just kind of fiddled with it you got to sit in it once that was cool i literally have only been in it once so far yeah because uh i had to drive her old car home from when we bought it what was that like for you same as it's been the last 13 years of owning it
Distractible
Slice of Life
Because we've had that car since 2013. That was like her college graduation present from her parents. Like that's been her car since then. So I've driven it many times. So driving it home, I was just like. And it is 2026. So 13 beautiful years. But hey, our car shopping is done.
Distractible
Slice of Life
However, I've been tempted to like get a temporary car just to hold over till the BMWs that you guys will all leave me alone. I was like, what if I just go and buy like a Mustang for two months? Just get a lease. What do you mean buy for two months? Aren't leases like always six months or a year or something?
Distractible
Slice of Life
We've tried, but success. I've given my money to two different companies now.
Distractible
Slice of Life
All right, that's all the small talk. No more questions. Great small talk, everyone. Small talk points all around, especially to, I guess, Molly.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Molly has. It's funny how that's doable, and somehow you haven't. We've been trying to get that stupid TX for over a year, so I... Have you ever considered a truck? We're moving on immediately to this episode. This episode, we're going to do a little bit of a slice of life. It's going to be pretty easy. I'm just going to go through some years, dates, whatever.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And I just want you guys to tell me what was important, what life was like then, and maybe some bonus points if you get the reason I have it marked. This one's an easy one. I'm not going to even have you guys do it. I'm just going to give it to everyone for free. 1989, the Distracted Babies were born. Beautiful. That's where our adventure begins. Is that us? We were in 1989, yeah.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I remember we got together and had that distractible photo shoot as babies wearing our merch back when we had it. Ah, like it was yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. I'm going to assume we don't remember much of our, like, infant years, so I'm going to fast forward a little bit.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah, give us a 1989 theme. I forget, what do you say we're doing? Just a little slice of life. You're gonna describe life as you remember it from the date and year I'm gonna go through. I'm about to give you your first one. Mark your heads, bob your tails. I'm gonna flip to see who goes first here. Mark goes first for this one. So we'll just rotate. I don't know what I'm doing.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I'll give you some guidance. Best you can remember, Mark. December 10th, 1993. Life in general. There is something that happened that day. And if you get bonus points, if you remember it, but just describe what you remember from late 1993, if anything. What was what? Four year old, four and a half year old Mark. What was life like then? Okay.
Distractible
Slice of Life
i know exactly what happened i know i know what you wrote down i'm reading your mind right now okay i assume we're not supposed to google these things the most important part about this is just to describe life as it was for you then and then i'll tell you the important event if you guys don't guess it i was alive i breathed a lot drinking water and milk much milk uh
Distractible
Slice of Life
Oddly enough, I ate a lot of sausage biscuits as a kid too. It was from McDonald's. And then my dad also always had, I don't know what brand they were, but he always had like these big sleeves of like sausage biscuits that we would make in the microwave. Yeah. Those were the ones. I don't know that one.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I didn't need glasses till fourth grade. I went till fourth grade before I got mine.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Oh, he can't read. I remember really confusing them on the hearing test because I didn't raise my hand once. And they're like, did you not hear anything? I was like, there was this really like high pitched annoying noise every now and then. But like, I didn't hear the beeps you were talking about. They're like, no, those were the beeps. I remember that embarrassed me a lot.
Distractible
Slice of Life
So then I had to do it over again. And then I heard every beep. All right. Well, December 10th, 1993 marked a major point in gaming history because Doom was Launched on December 10th of 1993.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I didn't know it launched that early I guess it makes sense But to me like I feel like because I was a little bit older when I first played it it launched when I was older But I know why that is you would you like to know why why it launched then or why I feel that way Why you feel that way so doom originally came out and it was a DOS game, right?
Distractible
Slice of Life
Did you still have to launch your computer in DOS mode to play it back then?
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, you used to learn this kind of stuff in schools back before we got rid of them. You guys remember schools? That'll be on the test later.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I thought the way about monkey bars. I watched a kid break his arm in the monkey bars and I was like, I'm never touching those ever. Was it me? I don't remember. Probably. This would have been at Seipelt. Did you go to Seipelt? Is that a place? Yeah, it was called Pleasant Hill, but then they renamed it after the principal who retired who'd been there for like 30, 40 years.
Distractible
Slice of Life
It was called like Charles L. Seipeld Elementary. It's gone now. I think it's completely gone now, but I believe that's where I saw it happen.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Alright, fair enough. Well, this was like during recess, so every kid was outside and kind of got to witness. I'm sure that that's what you have written down on your piece of paper. Well, we'll find out after Mark tells me about June 26, 1997. Hooray. Huh? No wonder you left Ohio, man. It was always gray over your house. Gray, there might have been snow.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Someone told me to look at the sun. I didn't look at the sky. The rest of my, I still don't look if they're like, I'm like, I don't want to lose my sight. He got six seconds at the sun stare.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Him and all the secret service going to like your elementary school so you guys could hang out and play some kickball or something.
Distractible
Slice of Life
That's why all mark can see is Greg's it was just Bill Clinton's hair every time he looked up So June 26 1997 this will be a fun one for everyone out there watching because most of you are gonna hate this But for us at the time it was important and it was a big deal At least I think for most of us the first Harry Potter book came out which I
Distractible
Slice of Life
I didn't care about it all, except for the next year, my fifth grade teacher read it to us in class and it was like, one, we didn't have to learn. We didn't have to take tests. We weren't getting homework. And we were hearing this like cool story about like a wizard kid. So it was like really enjoyable at the time. And that's what got me into the books and movies and such.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And obviously now we know more about the author than we did back then. But that came out in 97. Yeah. June 26, 1997. I don't know when it became like more popular. Right. Because like she wasn't immediately like, oh, I don't. She was basically an overnight success with those books. But like it still probably took a little bit for them to gain traction. But yeah.
Distractible
Slice of Life
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a en in
Distractible
Slice of Life
Actually, you're unlocking a memory. I think maybe we did, because I remember someone doing that. We went to the same school, so I'd assume, yeah. But that wasn't very commonplace, because most people just had, like, the normal chalk or the marker, but I do remember that particular event happening, the taps. Anyway, sorry, Mark. It was your turn. The TV was rolling in.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I remember the teacher, like someone coming in and talking to our teacher and then like the TV rolled in. And then back then we watched, I think it was called like Channel One News. Like even before this event, even before 9-11, we had like Channel One News every day at like homeroom or whatever. We'd watch Channel One News, which is like news designed for kids or whatever.
Distractible
Slice of Life
On this particular day, we went and we watched it. Like we saw the stuff going on on TV. Then like it got turned off because it was a bit too much, I think for us. So the teachers kind of had it on and they were just like watching in disbelief. We went to homeroom and then they had like
Distractible
Slice of Life
some of they already had like their version of it playing so it was kind of dumbed down for kids to see where it was a little bit less brutal but i feel like when the second tower was hit we were watching either we were home at that point or we were watching on the tv when that happened i was home I remember. So you might have been home. I don't know.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Prior to 9-11, I remember going to the neighbor's yard. We'd play in the neighbor's yard. We'd run around down the street. We'd kind of do whatever. Front doors could be left unlocked. There was not really a lot of concern about the world. And I feel like that day...
Distractible
Slice of Life
everything as far as like how we felt about being safe anywhere changed there was just like I don't know what if you call it innocence or just being naive whatever it was that was completely different and everything felt scarier after that because it was just like
Distractible
Slice of Life
plane no one ever thought anything about a plane other than just like planes get you from point a to point b but like those being used and everything that happened watching it just living it the panic not knowing what was going to happen like were we under attack was an invasion coming there was just so much uncertainty and fear it was just such a different feeling for us compared to anything we've experienced before like you said seeing teachers drop their facades and just being like
Distractible
Slice of Life
scared people was one of the most unnerving things as a kid because you never saw a teacher kind of like publicly lose that facade or whatever you want to call it wild times
Distractible
Slice of Life
What a callback to... Wow, what a memory. I forgot about that entirely. I forgot about that entirely. You forgot about mission accomplished. I did until you just mentioned it.
Distractible
Slice of Life
what a memory but still not right that was november 22nd 2002 that was like six seven months prior might have still been in some theaters at that point it was a good movie everybody loved that movie if i recall i did on june 26th 2003 the nba began the era of lebron james what's that is that baseball Someone out there might appreciate it that maybe does sports or watches sports podcasts.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I picked some obscure dates on purpose for this. Actually, I do want to do one more because I think... No, who did this one first? Mark did this one first, right? Yes. I think Mark starts. I want to do one more to make sure you guys both get to start one evenly. Do you guys remember Life in 2003? Was it any different? About the same?
Distractible
Slice of Life
early ninth grade I started dating a girl in high school that I was I was in a relationship for four years but we started dating in 2003 that's like the one big memory I have of 2003 was that relationship because there was like a lot of build up to it because I was a coward and couldn't just ask people out guys remember oh what were those called go-go's do you remember those little plastic guys they were like little little plastic figures and they were like collectible
Distractible
Slice of Life
Even looking at them, I have no recollection of that. This is one I think you both will know. Bob, what happened November 23rd, 2004?
Distractible
Slice of Life
That was seven years prior. That was 1997, apparently, where Barney was torn apart on 51st Street. Oh, that's so close. So close. I almost got it. I mean, compared to where we're at now, 97 to 2004 are kind of close.
Distractible
Slice of Life
That was November 22nd, 2005. That was a year later. Okay, it was fall of the next year. Okay. Do you remember life in 2004? What was life like for you in 2004?
Distractible
Slice of Life
Your lives were forever changed after the launch of this game, as well as your college roommate. Yeah, I know, right?
Distractible
Slice of Life
that was the day that wow launched i thought it was earlier than that 2004 i thought it was somebody i thought wow was closer like diablo 2's launch no that game's been around for too long yeah but diablo 2 came out like 99 i thought wow was like right around that same time period i didn't realize diablo 2 was so much older than wow which i guess maybe five years isn't so much older but in my brain it is because we were in very different places in 1999 versus 2004
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, we got exactly halfway through the list of items I had. So this is definitely going to have to be like a future one that I pick up. But looking at the time, I've gone a little bit over. Whoops. I don't remember what order of operations are here. I think I read off things, then we add something to the wheel, then we spend. Is that right? It's whatever you want, man. You're the host, man.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah, listen. I think for the wheel, this might favor Mark in this particular episode, but for the wheel, most callbacks, there was a lot of gray today. It lived rent-free in my head that I was going to figure out why every date I wanted to figure out how Mark would make it gray, which he didn't for a while. But every other one, there was gray. That was the only time I saw color.
Distractible
Slice of Life
i just think most callbacks will go on the wheel as far as points go let me start with mark for no particular reason mark you got points for apple rewards dos to windows 1995 y2k gray bush aircraft carrier and wow i was hoping you were gonna go gray
Distractible
Slice of Life
gray gray bob you got points for accidental saw by mark birthday remember reagan foos road ah 9 11 98 99 boom and molly got a point for i don't remember what getting a car probably uh and then i guess we do wheel i've got a roll of d3 and i've got a two
Distractible
Slice of Life
What they're going to do is they're going to give you a store page for your store page.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Spin number two, the fairest spin of all, most distracted. Who was the most locked in today? Because the other one would be the most distracted.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, prior to the wheel spins, Mark had six points. Bob had five. You each got one from the wheels. Mark, you end up with seven. Bob with six. Molly at one. Hmm. Mark, you win.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, thank you all for watching, and I guess, sort of thank you for listening if you didn't watch, but you should have watched, because you always should watch. See you all in the next one. If you haven't already, go follow Bob at MyScript, Mark at Markiplier, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777. Until next time, podcast out.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. And you might have noticed, I did give you all a, hey guys.
Distractible
Slice of Life
This feels like a catch 22. The store is so simple. You can't buy anything, but you can't buy anything because it's too simple. So they need to simplify it.
Distractible
Slice of Life
i get made fun of for doing it but i'm not making fun of you who's made fun of you just because you feel like we're making fun of you when we point out that that's your intro doesn't mean that we're making fun of you there's an entire youtube video on my channel making fun of me where hey guys turns into egg eyes and uh i can't unhear it now and it's my own intro and it has ruined it for me that feels like your choice
Distractible
Slice of Life
No, it was Dana made it for like an April Fool's video, which was not my choice, but brilliantly done. But anywho, welcome back viewers, listeners to the best podcast that you've probably heard of because you're here watching and or listening. I'm joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hello. Hi. Hi. One of us hosts of the To Compete for Points, and we start off with some small talk.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah. Anyway, I also have some news. This might sound like Groundhog Day to you guys. I got a car! No, I don't believe it.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Okay, there's an asterisk on this. He doesn't have a car. Yes! It's here and being driven right now. Because it's Molly's car.
Distractible
Slice of Life
oh did you get a tx we did oh so we'd given up and uh we were getting ready to look somewhere else and we were like okay we'll go in one more time we'll see and then we actually had like three more lexus locations within like a four hour drive that were like claimed to have one for sale and we're like don't really want to go to louisville kentucky but if we gotta so we went over and uh louisville no no we went over to uh performance in cincinnati then why did you mention louisville
Distractible
Slice of Life
because looking online list seeing where places actually physically had ones in stock for sale there were like two so we went over to the the king's auto mall in cincinnati walked in and i saw the guy that we had talked to before and i was like all right i'm gonna give this guy one more chance to sell us a car because it's been literally 10 months since he gave us a three month window of like three months you'll have a car that was june 2024 it is now april 2025.
Distractible
Slice of Life
But I waited. We were there. I'll skip the story. We were there for six or seven hours. The first hour of which we were waiting for this guy to be free because he was with another group and they had an appointment or whatever. We did not have an appointment. We just showed up. He got free. We met with him and he was like, all right, I've got one that is nothing like what you wanted.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And we might have one that's like what you want. And we were like, what? I feel like when you're selling a car, you either have a car to sell or you don't. But they had one, but apparently someone was in the process of buying it. They changed their minds and it was like on a hold or something. But they don't really hold cars. So we talked to his manager. The manager was like, yeah, it's for sale.
Distractible
Slice of Life
So we went out, we looked at it, had everything that Molly was looking for, we wanted. So went through the process and we bought it. So we've got the car. We own it. My car, the asterisk is because my car is still there.
Distractible
Slice of Life
being built but yeah so you don't have a car i'm married we have a car comrade the most communist thing you can do get married listen if we didn't have a car before we didn't have a car now because molly has had a car this entire time well now she has two i have zero no you didn't even trade hers in you just have no we don't know what we're gonna do with hers yet right now i have a car
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Westering Wade rubs off over Mark and gets out his atlas to analyze his accidental ding-dong. Bereft Bob finds the perfect sheath for his butthole and questions Coloradan's cognitive clarity. Mascarad Mark rejects manly munitions, utterly ignores continental boundaries, and quotes Was Not Was.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
But what I have is just a concentrated amount of it. All of the fruit is dead for your bag. I hope so.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Write that down. Who are you? The Sneed guy? We got a Lorax you here? I hope so. Is there a Oobly Lorax? The Ooblorax? He's just very animated, like Kramer almost, with all the sugar he's taking.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
And heroin. It's an interesting plant. I do have an idea today, and I don't know that we really segued into it. Kind of, maybe not really. Today, I want to go over some places, and I want you all to tell me if they are real or fake, and if they're real where they are, and maybe even how the name came to be. I got this in the bag.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Mark, I hate to tell you, but your losing streak is going to continue. Hey, that's all part of the plan, baby. i predict my losing streak will carry on for as long as i want it to this might be a really long episode might be a really short episode depends on how this goes i've got some number of names here some number it's pretty good all right so let's start with eek
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Do you see a spider or something? Okay. Is Eek a real place? A fake place? How is it spelled? E-E-K. Eek. Do we vote? Do we go jump in or ding? Sure, you ding. You can go first. Yes. Yes, it's real or fake? Great answer. Yes, it's real. That's what I'm saying. He said it was real or fake, and I say yes, and that's it. Shut up.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Okay, well, that sort of steals my thunder a little bit. I'm pretty sure this is a real place. This is a place in Transylvania near the home of Dracula. Eek is right next to blah. Because it's scary. Yeah.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
okay so you both say it's real yeah it's a real place it is real it is not in transylvania near dracula's castle however or if it is i'm gonna even tell you all i've stuck to the united states ah so this is somewhere in the u.s so bob do you want another guess for in the u.s okay yeah ink is real it's located in vermont next to the uh delightful burrow of oh a mouse Mark, do you agree with that?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I didn't know they were broken. When we were filming space, if you remember when I did like detective Mark and they filled in my eyebrows more, like they made them thicker. Everyone was looking at me like, You look good today. What's going on? What's going on with you? And then they filled in Mick's eyebrows more and they're like, well, hey, something changed about you.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Eek is obviously in Greece, but it's an ancient city that was destroyed. In the USA!
Distractible
Where Am I?!
thinking about something else man i was thinking about trying to get my answer together reading your parameters i don't i don't know what do you think i'm a nerd knowing all the rules to your game i play my own rules to my own game and it's in greece in the past which is why it's past tense eek to be fair i respect that all right so vermont and greece usa are the two guesses ancient greece usa
Distractible
Where Am I?!
When Greece originally was in the Americas. Before the tectonic plates. Yeah. It actually got sucked through the Atlantic Ocean under it and spit it out. It also was Atlantis for a brief stint. It was. Yes, it was. Yeah. But it got pulled real fast. Which U.S. state did it get pulled into? Oh, it doesn't exist anymore. Oh, it's no longer real. Oh, it's a city.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
no we're we're in pennsylvania right now no we're in philadelphia right now and what the hell is pittsburgh so on and so forth i have not this does feel like that it's a good bit it's very funny well mark agrees that uh eek is a city it's in the u.s formerly ancient greece not part of any current states it's just eek it's like a it's like the vatican city state
Distractible
Where Am I?!
it's a bold answer bob i gotta say you're the closest by giving me any u.s state mark if you'd said any u.s state west of vermont you would have maybe won because the answer is alaska oh well that's not the right place alaska is way far away from greece it wouldn't make any sense for it to go over there it would be impossible for it to have been pulled through the entire continental united states yeah wade why don't you think about your answers before you give them
Distractible
Where Am I?!
you're great man i'll try to do better moving forward you know google's free wade he probably looked at the google ai thing though yeah just just using ai summaries that's what we get i just spelled incorrectly on the points but i had to fix it the next one is ding dong well i know this one this is a real place it's actually kind of part of the jersey shore area um you know that that meme of that guy who's like
Distractible
Where Am I?!
bing bong fuck your life that guy from the jersey ding dong is actually the next town over in uh so this is in new jersey on the shore ah bing bong fuck your life ding dong fix your life yeah no ding dong is where uh where they go to get their act together It's a really boring play. Everyone has jobs. Very responsible. A lot of white button downs. Everyone drives a Toyota Corolla base model.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
He's never been more wrong. He's been wrong a lot in his life. He's never been more wrong about this because it's not that reference that he's making. There's another reference that I don't remember what it's about or what it's for, but there was some Russian sounding lady or some Slavic country that goes ding dong. And that's obviously a city in Russia or some Slavic country. I'll take my points.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
So the secret to beauty is not cutting out eyebrows. It's thicker, fuller eyebrows. They're screwing me over. It's bore clips. Well, you were too handsome. They didn't want you to be excessively handsome. Dumbing me down for the rest of you losers.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
So which US state is that? It's obviously a city in Russia. Very clearly. These are all in the U.S. Uh-uh. No, I don't think so. You might be wrong about that when you go check your facts. Would that be Alaska then? Like Russia and Alaska are basically the same place. Probably a piece that broke off from Russia and migrated over.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
You know what? I'm just going to go ahead and say this. I was going to give you the exact mileage just to make this look even more ridiculous. But Bob, you are once again closest. All right. Even giving Mark Alaska doesn't get him close enough to Ding Dong, Texas, which is the real place. Texas, you're the new Russia. I'm sure they'll love that. That's a tourism bureau slogan right there.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Mark called honey. He's calling this. Mark was right. Yeah. Ding dong's in Texas. And I guess that's all I have to say about that. I think I knew that. Of course you knew that, buddy. I think I knew that. That's all I have to say. I have no other commentary here. Sorry, I let my inner thoughts out for a second. Let's move on to the next one. Three toes. Three toes.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Real or fake, and where is it if it's real? Mark, I guess you can answer where it is if it's fake, too. Yeah, so, ding. New Mexico, and obviously, it's the sister city of Dos Ritos, where they made Doritos. And this is Three Toes.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I'm not going to lie. And Wade was literally looking around and was like, I need some fake ones, some fake ones. And we look down at his foot and there's a hole in his sock. And he could see three of his toes through the hole in his sock. Ah, three toes. Bob, you're partially correct. It is fake. However, I did not come up with it by looking at my foot.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
There was a similarly named place elsewhere in the world that made me think of that. Is it Dos Ritos? It was not Dos Ritos.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
though i could go over some dos fritos now nacho cheese is it lays fritos oh lays fritos no uh where is that at uh in a bag of chips correct the next one is sweet and salty i think he's just naming chips yeah i think we just got hungry I thought this was very fitting after this discussion to go with Sweet and Salty. These are all typed out on a thing. I know this one. I know this one.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
The worst was one time I had one of those wild old man hairs on like the outside of my ear and without even saying anything, it's like, ooh, let me get that old man hair too while I'm at it. Ah, damn. When they're like, ooh, and they're looking at you and then they just trim something real quick.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Sweet and Salty is real. It's actually located in Kentucky and it is just downstream down the Ohio River from a little town called Deez Nuts. I'm going to accept that as a real answer, despite the fact that I feel like you just deeznutted me and all of the audience. What? That is a real... Look it up. Deeznuts, Kentucky, a delightful little town located on the Ohio River.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Okay, Deeznuts is in Kentucky, but it's a peanut brand, not an actual, like, city. I've completely forgotten what the original name of the town was. If I go based on my knowledge of the number of real cities that I know off the top of my head versus real cities that I don't know, the don't know is very larger than the know. So I'm going to assume this is one that is real.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I just don't know it because statistically that's the more likely outcome. Okay. Where is it in our hearts? Miss you, big city, whatever your name was. Sweet and salty. Yep, that was it. You got it. Congratulations. So Bob guesses Kentucky. You guess in our hearts. Hey, our hearts are in the United States, so. Sweet and salty is also fake. I did already have it on my list, though.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
but the thing i guessed includes a real company in the correct state not in this correct state of sweet and salty where the correct state for the company the company yes believe me you got points for d's nuts with an s because her name is apparently d yeah it's it's miss d ranged and it's her nuts so if i guess a company and i know what state it's in do i get points No. Okay.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I feel like I just did. Isn't that a Wade thing? Okay. I'm rubbing off on you. That's all right. Let's go with Bald Head. I think that's a real place. Isn't that a real place in California? I'm not going to answer that right away. Bald Head is definitely a real place. And since we all know Bald Head mostly lives in Wade's basement, I'm going to say Cincinnati, Ohio. Home is where Wade's head is.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It is real. It's not Cincinnati, Ohio. As far as I know, it's not in California. There are two bald heads that I know that are real. There's Bald Head Island, which I think is in North Carolina, and there's Bald Head, Maine. Maybe that's where I know Bald Head from, because when I went to, wait, North Carolina or South Carolina, did you say? Bald Head Island, I believe, is in North Carolina.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Never mind. It doesn't, I have no association with that. bald head is in maine i think it's named after a cliff in maine but i guess bob was closest with ohio's closer than california to both of those now he knows his geography i told you mark i told you i got this locked in bob's strategy pick a midwestern state mark's strategy maybe go in the usa
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Hey, listen, Mark's is really going to pay off eventually. You just got to commit. Oh, I'm going to sink this one into the basket. I'm not going to sink it like a boat sinking. What about No Name? I actually feel like I might know where this is. I feel like No Name is a place in Nevada. It's a real place in Nevada. I swear to God, I drove past it because I drove from California to Ohio.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
so thick eyebrows thick eyebrows save lives i think that's the saying yeah who needs to rhyme thick eyes save lives there he is i'm back baby i did it that's our guy how did we get here oh what did you say eyebrows mark's hair is getting crazy i don't know that's what it was mark's hair is getting crazy lettuce here's like how the hell did we start off with hair and eyebrows
Distractible
Where Am I?!
We moved cross country. I swear to God, I remember seeing that and being like, oh, that's funny. I think he's right. It's somewhere around there. I'm going to say Arizona just because for differences, but I swear also I have also driven through someplace and seen a sign for no name. If it's in California, I'm going to be real pissed. It is real. It is not in Nevada. It is not in Arizona.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
That's not good. It is in Colorado. Oh, that was my second thought that was in Colorado, but that makes sense. I don't actually know if it's closer to Nevada or Arizona. I think it should be Nevada. It's pretty close to both. You have to go through Utah to get to Nevada, whereas you just have to go through most of Colorado to get to the point where it touches Arizona. Oh, yeah.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
No, actually, it would be closer. I forgot. I forgot Utah existed. I forgot Utah was in between those. I think it's technically closer to Arizona, but it's closer than you'd think. All right, this is interesting because No Name is not a city, though. No Name is what's known as a census-designated place, which is purely a concentration of population. It is not incorporated...
Distractible
Where Am I?!
as a city itself but the population is 117 it runs a lot of its stuff out of glenwood springs like its municipality and government any kind of government kind of defaults to glenwood springs i don't even know if it counts as a city though do you want the point or not bitch i'll take it not i don't want it I do. Man, new year, Marcus Wade for some reason. I want you to decide, Mr. Judge.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
But it also, this is the truth. I believe in facts and it is not a city, it's a census designated place. Is it like an unincorporated village or anything technically? There's a step above it.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
known as a coterminous municipality which is below cities towns and villages so it's actually below even like a associated city from another one it is purely the census was like some people live here i ain't got a name for this shit no name probably is how that went down but i don't know there's a fourth level below it which is ward you could divide a city into wards i think
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Yeah, isn't that like a big thing in like New Orleans? Isn't there a bunch of different wards and stuff? Yes, I think so. Yeah. How the city's divided up. Yeah. Next one is boring. It's real. That's New Mexico. It's probably one of the Dakotas. I'm going to go with one of the Dakotas. You can have both. I'll give you both Dakotas. Boring is realist in the Dakotas.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I feel like this is another one where I feel like, oh, wait, do I know this from a Ben Fold song?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
All right. So we have Illinois or just the Dakotas. Congrats, Mark. You get the point because boring is in Oregon, which is closer to the Dakotas than it is Illinois. Oh, so I wasn't even remotely close. More like Oregon. You were more remotely close than Bob. Fine. Thank you for asking. Ben Folds lied to me. I just want to throw that out there. I found that Golconda is in Illinois.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
If that helps you, Bob. Golconda, this guy. How many points is that worth to me? I'll give you half a one. All right, I'll take it. Our next city is Splat. I know this one. This is a real place, but not a real city because Splat is the name of the area that is in Nickelodeon's defunct theme park in Orlando where there was a lot of like the green goopy stuff.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
the splat zone or whatever the hell it was called it's it's what they referred to it's not an actual city so it's no it's not real but it is the place in the uh defunct nickelodeon studios theme park okay so it's like a it's like a it's like a place within a theme park So Splat is a city in Russia, which means that it's not real. It comes from Spliat. Therefore, it is fake. Not a real city.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
What, you got Jumanji over there or something, Mark? Why does it look like you just got back from an ordeal? I don't know. But speaking of Jumanji... What a segue! You remember the hunter from Jumanji? That guy? From the original movie, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the original. I don't count the sequels. He was also the dad, right? Yeah, actually, it was the same person that played the dad.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
No, no. Man, Mark is really trying to go on a journey, and Wade is just not coming with over here.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
The next one. Dinosaur. Oh, Mark goes first. Sorry. You have the stage. The floor. Everybody get on the floor. Everybody open the door.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
If I said in our dreams and it's actually fake, I'm going to be screwed. Hey, you actually got points for in our hearts the one time. Well, this one is not in our dreams. It's just fake. Just like the dinosaurs themselves. All fake. Damn, I thought you were gonna start collecting bones at one point. Dinosaur is clearly real. It is located somewhere, I believe, in Idaho.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
And it's actually just a municipality with a population of one. There's this guy, Shrodrick Benter.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
dinosaur is real it's a statutory town in colorado not too far from no name colorado needs to figure their shit out what's going on in colorado what the hell is this i feel like i'm not doing well i am a geographical savant mark you never stood a chance who's going first this time is it bob going first this time yes i'm gonna say it before you say anything real Okay. Real Washington State.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Give it to me. He's looking at your monitor in the reflection of your head. Ban him! You need to buff your head so it's not so shiny. He said real. He said Washington State. Mark, to you, last chance. Is that the name of the town? Yes. Last chance. That sounds like a town in Washington. But I'm going to call that real and it's in Kansas.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Because it's the last chance to turn back before you get to the hellhole that is the West. Damn. Just a liberal wasteland over here.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
You know, something about, like, the kid's subconscious, like, yadda yadda. anyway i am not a gun nut but there's one go on weapon that has always fascinated me is a lever action rifle right and i don't think he had that in the movie but i've always been interested in just a lever action rifle like winchester lever action yeah like clack clack
Distractible
Where Am I?!
So, last chance, there might be one apparently as well in California, but the last chance I have here is last chance Iowa, which is very close to Kansas. Oh! Why didn't we know where Iowa was?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
is there a last chance in colorado as well god damn it colorado you should have just done all of them in colorado that would have really showed us i apparently there's also apparently a last chance california but i believe it's further from washington than the last chance iowa is from kansas so i'm gonna give that one to mark yay i think i got one he's taunting me no yes maybe taunting will get you everywhere not
Distractible
Where Am I?!
fuck he always gets me with that one god damn it mark you go first do you want to answer before i give this out or do you want to actually hear it i want all of the information i it's definitely going to help my guess accident this one two other cities had a broken condom when they were making a baby city and i was like i don't want you i don't want you you were an accident and then it was like i'm accident and then became a city if that was true where would it be
Distractible
Where Am I?!
which is where's the unwanted city or state probably florida if we're going to be perfectly honest yeah it's gonna be florida or new jersey florida yes florida accident florida okay bob i'm gonna say no this is a fake place wade tried to type aspen colorado and it got auto corrected to accident because he wasn't even close so this is not a place this is just a typo That's fair, but wrong.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Accident is in Maryland, which isn't very close to Florida, but it's closer than fake. It's not very far away from your keyboard where my accident happened. That's how James was made. It was not an accident. I was. My mom likes to remind everyone at every opportunity. Yeah, I just assume every kid's an accident because I think I was too. I always just thought babies were a surprise.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Like, oh God, my water broke. It's like, you're pregnant? They don't have to be like that. Do you have a deep voice when you were born? Hey, mama, I'm hungry. No, he was like a Pokemon. He came out the womb. Baby. Baby.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
baby we gotta name him quicker that's gonna stick i went wide like wide what a great name that's what i call you uh bob to you okay this is real it's a town in oklahoma because then their town is okay okay and they thought that would be real funny it's not but they thought it would be funny so that's what they went with okay okay mark how is it spelled okay a y so it's russian
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It's Canadian, because it ends in A. Okay is a real city in the heartland of Ohio, because when everyone thinks of Ohio, they go, okay. Okay. I-O.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Bob, I got to tell you, you get two points for being exactly right. Okay, Oklahoma. Yes. That would have been my guess as well, but you took it, so, and I can't steal his, but whatever. You could have just guessed the same thing. No one, there's no rule against it. No, I can't. No, no, it wouldn't be a guess. Next time Mark is correct, that was going to be my guess too, so... I get the no.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
which it's in new mexico it's in new mexico okay bob this is fake calling it right now if it's not fake i guess what mark guesses it's real and it's in new mexico yes mark two points because we've driven through it or next to it there's a sign that says truth or consequences and we always look at and go like that can't be real and it's real i will say though bob said the next time you were right he would steal your answer so therefore bob's also right and gets two points
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Or, you know, in Terminator 2 when he had the lever action like shotgun and he went, just that action of like, and then he went, poof, poof.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I don't think we have to lend truth to that. You didn't say no to it when he offered it up, though. And as the host, I find it hilarious. I retroactively go back in time and steal all of his points. No, we already did that episode.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
All right, I got a couple more here, then we'll wrap up. Let's go with Sugar Land. Well, I know Sugar Land is a cupcake shop in North Carolina because I used to live by it. So I'm assuming that must be based on the very real Sugar Land city. It's like Niagara Falls. There's like Sugar Land US and Sugar Land Canada.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
From bald bashing to the last chance saloon. Yes! It's time for Where Am I? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
But the one you're talking about is on the US side of the Minnesota border with Canada.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
sugarland minnesota okay sugarland is not real because sugarland is probably some city in an amusement park that someone wants like disney wants to be real but no matter how much they try it's not actually incorporated as a city sugarland's real it's in texas god damn it sugarland is a city just southwest of houston texas we've all been to houston we did a show there that's true wasn't that the first city we went to and i said oh thank you
Distractible
Where Am I?!
dallas what's that matter is it vice versa i can't remember we walked out you said thank you dallas and ethan went uh hello houston it's so good to be here in the tin and then everyone clapped yep everybody loves him for it so bob i guess you get the point minnesota is basically texas is what we're learning It's the Texas of the North, really.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I think that's how Minnesotans would refer to themselves. Last one. Mark, I think you go first on the last one, right? Yes. Aglo. Aglo? Aglo. I'm going to go fake, but only for the reason that we haven't had a fake in a while. Out of curiosity, if it's fake and you had to give it a location, where would you give it? All right, Bob. All right. I know this one.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Yeah, you know. I don't know why, but it just, it's always been a fascination of mine. Still, just like if I do ever get another one, it would be a .22 because I don't need big caliber. I'm not hunting anything. I'm not trying to actually kill anything. It's just for target practice and plinking away and stuff. But doesn't it just fascinate you? The mechanisms of that?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
This is a real place and you're mispronouncing it. It's pronounced a glow.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Okay. Bob, I hate to tell you, but it's fake. Mark, I hate to tell you, but it's real. Wait. Aglo is both real and fake. This was a fun little story I came across while researching all of this.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
aglow is totally made up it became real and then strangely undid itself and became fantasy again what happened was there was no town in new york between rockland and the nearby beaverkill uh so somebody took a map and made a fake place on the map called aglow ultimately long story short even on google maps at one point this showed up but it became real for a
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Uh, Otto G. Lindberg, director of the General Drafting Company, made a roadmap of New York State and out of the way, dirt road, they created a totally fictitious place called Aglo. Name was blah blah blah blah. Years later, Rand McNally, a famous map company, issued its own New York State map. Guess what? Right there in the same place was the name Aglo.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
And this was all a ploy, I guess, to sue the mapmaker for taking their map and copying it. So they made a fake place, assuming that a mapmaker would steal their map and make it. Ahhhh. In the spot called Aglo, there was a building allegedly called the Aglo General Store. And it had to be real, otherwise where would the owners get the name?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
So someone had bought the map and saw where Aglo was supposed to be and named their store after that place. But then that didn't last. The store closed and Aglo disappeared and was taken off the map.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
But someone bought one of these fake maps or got their hands on a fake map, saw there was supposed to be a place called Aglo, opened a store there thinking people would see Aglo on a map and stop by, thereby making Aglo temporarily real. And then it became fake again when the store closed because there is no Aglo. Well, New York is basically Boston, so I feel like I was pretty close on location.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
But at one point, Google had Aglo on their Google Maps, which was an 80-year-old fake place, until it was pointed out and they finally removed it. So anyway, it is real and fake, but Bob guessed closer with Boston than Russia. One of these days, Russia is going to get me there. One of these days. Is there? Hold on. You know, what if I'm getting punked?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
What if there's like a Russia, USA, and it's just close to somehow everything? Definitely.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Check that out. Oh, my God. There is a Russia, Ohio. There's a Russia, New York. Mark, I'll give you a bonus point for Russia. I meant everything that you're thinking every single time. All right, let me calculate the points. It's more than three to two this time. Bob, I'll go over your points first. I feel good about that. That's probably fine.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
You got half a point for Goland or whatever the fuck the name of that thing was. Last phone case. Butt plug. Eek, a mouse. Lorax. Eek, spelled incorrectly. Ding dong. Brito's fake. Deez nuts. Bald head. Splat. Stole two points. Or copied, really. Yeah.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
sugar land okay oklahoma dinosaur idaho nope colorado for a total of 17 and a half points that feels like almost all of them i'm not gonna have to be honest yeah that i i'm not gonna lie that's that was that was a lot that feels like a lot of points I had a feeling I wasn't doing so good and maybe my feelings are true.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Mark, have you ever seen Wild West style competitive shooting? Which one? The one where they leaned all the way over like this and they go...
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Mark, you got points for Thick Eyebrows, Jumanji, you got points plural for Mark Called Honey, Extinct Oobly Fruit, Three Toes New Mexico, No Nap, No Name, that's probably No Name, Sweet and Salty, Put Me Down, Accident, Last Chance, Tra and Con, Truth and Consequences.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
oh okay my pen was dying so like half of this is faded out as well as shit earlier hidden and then i think points for fusion oh russia the r did not finish there well that was a lot he said a lot so i think you should be worried bob i think you should be worried that was more than i was hoping you would get i don't know numbers but i got a bad feeling about these numbers
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Bob, you finished with 17 and a half points. Mark, you finished with 16 points.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Oh yeah, if he hadn't gotten to steal those two. I also gave you points for Russia, even though the whole fucking time I told you it was in the USA, so... Well, look, man. It might have been. You might have been trying to trick us. Immediately, you were like... I was like, let me tell you guys, they're all in the USA. And your first guess was ancient Greece after that.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
The one where they're, I'm thinking of ones where it's like, it's a person with two six shooters and they're like, bam, bam, bam. And they empty those and then they pick up a Winchester and they're all like, bam, bam, bam, bam. And it's just like a target shooting on a range, but it's all like, you know, Wild Westy looking. And they're usually in costume type garb. I probably have seen that.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
See, I didn't catch that part. Thinking about something else. You really are me today. No! No! Bob, you're our winner. Would you like to give a winner speech? I didn't really expect this. I gotta be honest. I think Mark played a tough game today. And if I hadn't been allowed to blatantly cheat, honestly, I think Mark outplayed me. But it's not cheating if you don't get caught.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
So in reality, I outplayed Mark. And that's as real as Three Toes, Texas or wherever the fuck that was. So congratulations to me. I'm the greatest and getting away with cheating always feels good. You learned your lesson, kids. Cheating feels great as long as you do it right. Mark, loser speech. This is why it's so important to read the instructions before you start anything.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I can only think of the time when there was someone that made a post about how their teacher or a teacher or something wrote a big long instructional paragraph on the first full page of a test and it said it gave all these instructions at the very bottom or in the middle somewhere it said like if you read this line you'll know that you only need to like skip all the questions and only answer the last question or something like that and no one read through the instructions it was a test
Distractible
Where Am I?!
So I should have listened to the instructions when they occurred. But all of this was part of my plan to never win an episode this entire year. That way I don't have to come up with ideas to host. And we don't have to let me be in charge ever again. That was my plan, special edgy.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
If only you had been told after ancient Greece multiple times they were in the US and still didn't follow those instructions, but instructions do help. Stubbornness is a trait of this podcast. We dig our heels in, period. You know what, Mark? I'll give you a point for that, but you still lose. I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't change. Well, that was it.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
If you guys played along with us, what was your score? How many of these did you get correct? Can you prove that a place that I thought I made up is in fact real? Is there more than one of the locations? And maybe did I get things wrong? It's possible. But for my research that I did within 10 minutes, because I didn't expect to host again today, was not perfect, then oh well.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I'm the host and I declare it's okay. Thereby writing me of any wrongdoing I may have had. Congrats to Bob. Well fought, Mark. Good episode. And Mark, honestly, you calling honey might be the biggest win of all. Hopefully some people out there listen to you. Yes. Follow us. Bob at MySkirm. Mark at Markiplier. Me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Birch, maybe one day. Until then, podcast out.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Winchester, the bar from Shaun of the Dead. You know why it was called that? Because it had a Winchester on the wall. It sure did. It sure did. And it works. No, it would never work. I'll place a bet on it. All right. The only thing that's bad about that is, you know, lever actions, the way they the cool way that they work is you put the bullet in the side and it goes click.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It's kind of like loading shotgun shells. Well, in 22s, they don't do that. What they do is you have to unthread the barrel below the top front barrel, pull out this rod, slide in your bullets one at a time like you're loading BBs, but I don't think they make it in the cool way. Maybe you'll have to get a man's gun if you want to be cool with your guns. Oh, come on.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It's either a .22 or a .500 cal. Fuck. Jesus. I want a battleship artillery cannon.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It's a lever action cannon. A lever action battleship cannon. The boat, like, transforms to, like, Megatron to reload, goes back.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
You know, in Warhammer 40K, it basically is that, because in all the future and all the technology, the ships going through space, they have big cannons, and the only way that they're loaded is a bunch of people with, like, rail tracks and chains lifting up a fucking bus-sized shell, pushing it in like, eee!
Distractible
Where Am I?!
you have to do that in um space marines 2 right at the start you have to like load a missile you have to load something where you're like oh i haven't i haven't played it yet don't spoil it no no no spoiler sorry man i didn't know this game that came out like a year ago that's like the prologue mission i haven't been busy Don't worry. It's the very first thing. It won't be spoiled. It's fine.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I understand. And then you kill the space emperor later. Which one? The main one, Gary.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I am today's host because, well, starting the year off strong is exactly what I had planned in the last episode. If you didn't watch it, you should, because everything went exactly how we thought it would. I'm joined by my co-hosts, as always, Mark and Bob. Hello. Hi. Hi.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I thought it was Tim. It was Gary. Anyway, that's all I have to say about whatever the hell I was talking about.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Oh boy, this is a phone case that's been out for a while, but they didn't make it for my specific phone, but they do now. And honestly, a little bit, I don't want to promote it because this company puts really annoying and shitty ads all over every social media platform that I'm on in the entire universe.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
And I don't like them, but they actually made a thing that's like possibly the best fucking phone case I've ever had.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
This is a little finger loopity-doopity. It has a kickstand, which is nice and discreet, and it magnets closed. It has a dust cover for your little butt plug. These colorful bits are all changeable. Wait, pause. Do your what? What was the other part? It has a dust cover for its little butthole.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
All right. I thought you said plug. Plug is definitely butthole. I thought you had a accessory that goes with the case that's like tied into a butt plug or something like that. I wish. That's not made by a mag. Anyway, it's just a really great case. All the colorful bits are changeable. So this was all black when I got it, but you can... And the real kicker is it's magnetic.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Well, this is apparently not magnetic metal, but it'll stick to anything. It's got these magnets on it that like pop out a little bit, you know, very satisfyingly. If you had two phones in that case and you try to put them together, would they repel each other or attract? Um, probably doesn't matter. Okay.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
magpacks commercials and advertising is obnoxious and i hate it but i actually sincerely think this might be closest to perfection phone case i've ever owned up to this point you want to know what i did with my phone case i've changed it what'd you do what did you you changed mark what happened i just took it off because it was annoying me Were you still using quad lock?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Yeah, but I wasn't quad locking anything. So I took it off. I'm like, oh, it's so nice. Except I forgot how annoying it is to lay it down because the camera bump is so huge. So every time I lay it down, I'm like, oh, it's at an angle. Clang, crash, and the glass is getting scratched up and all kinds of bad stuff. Yeah, that'll happen.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I have learned that this in the middle of the night is the loudest thing you can do is put your phone on here and then the suction like... When you're very carefully, you're like, just line it up. And then it's charging. Yeah, no, that happens. Like, oh, I forgot to plug my phone in, but Molly and the animals are already asleep. I don't want to wake them up. I'm just going to quietly.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
This is the show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and whoever has the most points at the end gets to host the next episode. And that will not change today, but typically, and today, we usually start off with some small talk. So how's things going? Good. Is my hair getting progressively more disheveled? A little bit.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It just says a transformer changes. Yeah, no, dude, I actually got one of those that has a silicon edge to it and it's dead silent and it's the best wireless charging MagSafe thing. So awesome. It's obscenely expensive and not ultimately worth it. But I would love that because, man, is it almost every time that I forget to put my phone on the charger right away?
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Especially those Apple ones, because they have kind of a rubbery middle, but the outer edge is metal. And if you have any kind of hard phone case, it clangs the shit out of it. I do dislike that. I honestly don't even use wireless charging most of the time anymore. I just plug it in. It's hard to beat like a 65 watt charger where I'm like, oh, my phone's at 10 percent.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
And then I plug it in for 20 minutes and it's like, oh, my phone's at 80 percent. Guess I'll not plug it again. Plug it in for another couple of days. It's hard to top that. The wireless charging is convenient, but the fast charging is more convenient. Anyway, I know everyone gets so hype. They vomit out their souls every time I talk about phone cases. I know it.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
They pay to advertise on their own site. They don't have to. That's the thing. They don't have to pay. They can run the ad endlessly. It's free. You know, in all honesty, we could just do our own ads by going to a website, getting a referral link and going here unless honey steals it all. But we can do that. Mark, you were right. I was right. I was right.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Are you getting every video from every person ever just with Mark's face saying, Mark called Honey before Honey called Honey? Man, so many people are just making bank off of me saying I was right. I'm very impressed. I have never seen your videos advertised to me as much as other people's videos with you and Honey in the title getting advertised to me.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
With every recording we've been doing, I don't know why, because all I've been doing is getting up, going to the bathroom, getting some food, but I come back and my hair is just a complete ramshackle mess.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
i don't think anything else new is going on in my life no the honey thing i'm surprised we haven't talked about that though because like man oh man i've not seen any videos recommended me except for yours mark but they're not your videos they're just you thanks buddy that's how i know i've made it i've crossed over I will say that was a very good clip for the call out and then what transpired.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Not to downplay at all your prediction and not to spoil it for everyone else. That's true of everything, guys. It could not be more true of all the shit that you think is free online.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
We may not ever learn the disappointing details of exactly who is stealing your data and how they are doing it and who is what corporations are stealing money from whom. That's how it all works, guys. I'm really sorry to break it to you. Mark is right about all of the Internet. I will say, though, he said in the clip that it would come out in 2022.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
It's not Mark's fault journalism is so fucking slow. OK, look, it's not my fault. Also, there was a pandemic. Was that clip pre-pandemic? Actually, I'm not sure. Was that pre-pandemic? When did that clip? I don't know when that was, but I assumed it was probably either like 2019 or 2020 because you probably did like in a couple of years it'll come out. Right. So 2022 kind of.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
apparently it took place in 2020 according to one of the things i saw i just don't know when in 2020 it took place it would have to be before what april or to be before like the pandemic shut everything down that's uh pandemic mark that's that's redacted mark right there redacted mark out here making calls it's one of his personas pandemic mark pre-pandemic mark pandemic dark pre-pandemic dark
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Then there's the OnlyFans pre-pandemic Stark mark. Oh, wow. The lore is ever expanding. I look forward to being right about something else, and then people plastering my face all over the internet for me. Yeah, just keep making bold claims, and then in a couple years, you'll just get that free publicity for everyone who's not you. Is Mark the new Simpsons? I could be.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Are you predicting I'll be president in 2028? No. No one's predicting that. I was right about you not being president. I'm here saying Wade will not be president. I hope that age is poorly. Wade will be behind bars by 2028. All right, let's see what happens. For what crime? All of them. He tried the completionist crime. Tried to speed run all of crime. He almost made it.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
yeah sometimes i'll get my head shaved and i'll miss a single hair i also have like a random eyebrow hair here that likes to go a little wild sometimes and i have to trim it dude i have never felt more attacked than when i'm sitting there getting a haircut and with no prompting whatsoever the barber is just like hey do you want me to trim those eyebrows up a little bit for you and i'm like what
Distractible
Where Am I?!
Lost to the ultimate boss. Well, good small talk. I got to say, Mark, you do have an edge in points right now because of your honey prediction. I did give you bonus points for that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Being as you can't make any ad revenue on your prediction, you at least got points here. Yeah, at least you got points. That's pretty good. That's an equal value or equal or greater.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I like points. Points are pretty cool. I never know when something I get is like a text I get is like a scam or something or if it's actually something I need to follow up about. This sounds fake, right? ABF Freight. That sounds fake. It does sound very fake. I got one from the USPS. Fake. Fake. I think it was. They wanted me to click a link and I was like, I'm not opening a link. Oh, yeah.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
All these scams are so prevalent nowadays. I thought that we were getting to the point where like spam calls and spam texts are getting not as prevalent. But I guess if they're straight up just stealing from you, they don't really care what the law actually is. Yeah, I don't think they give two shits. They just infinitely spoof new numbers and whatever and just never give up.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
I will I will say of all the people I know who who where it's like, oh, is this a scam? Is this not a scam? You actually do order like weird shit from China. You order server parts of anyone I know that for you that could be like, oh, wait, actually, no, that's that's these processors I bought secondhand from this thing.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
it's my new supply of uh oobly fruit i wish no one no one hooked me up unless someone said on the subreddit that i didn't notice no one hooked me up which means we don't have any listeners in a country that grows oobly fruit i didn't see it and scour the subreddit but i didn't see anyone talking about that no offers no which is a Damn shame.
Distractible
Where Am I?!
One of our viewers and or listeners is just sitting on a pile of it and they're like, that's right, Mark won't ever get any of you, my sweet babies. Because they eat the sugar. Wait, how much sugar would that be equivalent to? A handful of that? Well, see, I don't know how much is in the actual fruit because what is probably just in the fruit is a minuscule amount of this brazine.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages. Id Software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
After my Smokey and Sawbell thing, I should have had the editors just disappear me from the whole episode, and you guys could have two-manned it the rest of the way, but it's too late. I'm still in it, so... Can't leave now. That's fair. All right. First question I've got. I guess I'll flip a coin and see who goes first. Mark, you're on my left, so you'll be heads.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Bob, you're on my right, so tails. I'm standing now, so there's going to be a lot more movement on my end. Heads. Mark, you go first. Yes.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I really should do that. It's really good. It's so good. It's great. I sit a lot. You have a standing desk. You could. You could. You won't. Don't. Minus a point for both of you for suggesting such a horrible thing to me. No, bald. You won't. I just said don't. Too late. You said you could. I said you could, but don't. First question. Mark, you're up first.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
What is the worst job to bring your kid to work to? Uh... Um... Oh, this is too sad. This horror story all over again. Uh... I'll lead you in. It was bring my kid to work day. Unfortunately, I work at the... No kids allowed store. The scary factory? I don't know why this is such a brain block.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Just let me think. Bob, I guess you have plenty of time to think of your answer. I already had my answer immediately, so I'm ready and locked and loaded. I'm just enjoying this. You need a prompt, Mark, to come up with longer form answers so he doesn't feel so punished. I got it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
book in the library youtube.com slash markiplier I should have started a timer I'm curious how long this is going on now well that's all the time we have for today's episode thank you all for tuning in I hope this is just uncut watching you struggle for three minutes.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
That's me staring at you to give you an opening to say things. Oh, hi. Oh, sorry. Okay. Oh, okay. Hello. And they are going to be competing for points in today's episode. If you've never tuned in, this is pretty standard for the kind of shit you're going to see and hear. Sorry, my nose itches professionally, as it should.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
That would be a terrible... Well, I was assuming you work there, right? Because you're bringing a kid to your work. So, you know, you work at Poppy's Playtime and you're like, come on, little Johnny, time to go. That's how he ends up only having two toes or whatever it was. Two foot Johnny? Was it two toes Johnny? Two toes Johnny. Two toes Johnny, yeah.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Okay, I'm going to give you a point for quick answer. Thanks. Thank you. Bob, what's the worst place to bring your kid to work to? Definitely the worst place to bring your kid to work to would be to your job at the fill-a-side factory. I was expecting one of you to say, like, strip club or... Well, I thought of that. I was talking about strip club. The filicide factory.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Filicide. It would be when a parent kills their own child. It'd be bad. It'd be a bad place for your kid's workday. That'd be the worst place. Yeah, that's pretty bad. As a kid, I guess. Mark's answer was so long that in my own head, I was like, that's a great answer. Ooh, I don't know. Oh, it stinks. No, commit to it. Oh, it's so good.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
And by the time I said it out loud, I was back to, oh, that's so stupid. No, no, it's not. I got another one.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Well, the first 10 kids didn't. Oh, Cincinnati reference, too. You know, people were a little disappointed that we didn't at all in the Cincinnati Travel Glide episode even mention Jungle Gyms as a thing that existed. That is on us. Yeah. It's a bit of an oversight. I guess. So for me, I've always lived here.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
So it's hard to think about things that are specifically here because Jungle Gyms, the thing about Jungle Gyms is it's a global food store. Whenever you think of Cincinnati, it's weird to think of a place that all they bring is stuff from all over the world rather than something Cincinnati exclusive. I think maybe that's why we didn't think of it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
So I don't ever think of it like a place to go. Yeah, we grew up with access to it. It's like the place we can go if we want food directly from the UK or Japan or whatever. Yeah, I didn't grow up with it. I'm just hard to impress. So I didn't make the list. Damn. Bob, you're first on this question. What would be your final words to your killer? Is this an honest answer?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Us being ourselves, probably not following the script of whatever events we've got planned. I've got planned as being the host, but it is what it is. You're here, you're bored. Hopefully life gets better for you and hopefully we contribute to that. So you're welcome in advance. We usually start by telling each other about how things are going, small talky type stuff. So we'll do that again today.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
oh no then he'd think unisonis oh no yeah they'd be like oh i love doing this on us i'm glad you brought it back one more time he's doing the thing right now wow any final words yeah what are your final words oh i didn't think of turning the tables on the uh killer okay any other answers to that one before i move on
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
If I was feeling clever, I might also hit him with the... If I see the attack coming, just be like, wait, I'm already dead! And see if they believe me and maybe just give up and run away. Grab the knife. You can't kill what's already dead.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. Mark, the place you'd least like to be caught naked. Okay, this is going to be a weird answer, but I mean, the shower. Because why am I being caught?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
And I am naked. Worst place to be naked, the shower. I mean, it's true. I don't want to be caught.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I can't even be mad about it. You agree? I mean, I'll come up with my own answer, but I think Mark is very on point with that one. One of us does. I definitely would not want to be caught naked in Wade's house. Why? What's wrong with being naked in my house? Well, being covertly naked in your house was really fun, but if I had been caught, there would have been some splinging to do, I assume.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I mean, yeah, that's fair. I guess it also depends on where you were, but... Or what my cheeks had been on. I mean, caught naked, I didn't mean, like, captured, just like people see you naked.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But like, if you're just naked in your bedroom, that's okay. Like, then it's okay to be caught naked. It's less weird for someone to be in your bedroom and you're naked than for someone to be in the bathroom with you while you're showering and you're naked.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I do check it. Elon's like, my heart goes on for you. It's a pun. Is it? Anyway, it's fine. Okay, forget being caught. What's the place you'd least like to be naked? Space. Ah, I was going to say the moon. That would be worse because then you get all the moon dust in your crack. Fiberglass factory. Real life laser maze.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
You really want some kind of skin tight thing to hold all your bits tight so you don't get, you know, lasered. Floppy joes. I don't know what that is, but I like the word. Is that a place? I don't know. I'm taking another point away.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
that's fair he's going into the negative today i'm already negative too wade's angling to get the bonus point for lost most points in this episode i will win today's episode somehow bob i think you're first this time which disney villain has the coolest hair i mean it's got to be hades from hercules oh damn that's such a good it's just actually blue fire like that's sick that was the answer i could think of a couple other ones that is that's that's a great answer
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Cruella had the black and white thing going. That was one of the ones I thought of. Hades with the fire. I mean, does it get cooler than the fire? Because he both has hair and also is bald when someone goes... I love bald. Basically pandering with my answer. Yeah, I got nothing. Does the vacuum from Brave Little Toaster count as a villain? Or no, is the vacuum the bad guy? Who's the bad guy?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
No, vacuum's part of the crew. The furnace? Is that the furnace the bad guy in that? Yeah, there's some big recycling thing or something like that. There's the big, like, metal thing that sucks up the cars. That's one of the antagonists, I think, right? The magnet. Oh, that was scary when I was a kid. I did not care for that. The whole movie was terrifying. It really was.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
every image i see i looked up brave little toaster literally every image i see inflicts like discomfort and fear in me oh i thought you were gonna say every picture i see there's this goddamn toaster what the fuck is going on it looks so brave he doesn't look brave at all he's always scared oh the air conditioner oh god i hated the air conditioner
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Cow! You heard it here first. What are we doing, animals? I don't know. There was a bear. Not here. Here. How close? How here? Like visiting? Staying with you? There was a bear.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
yeah the air conditioner is pretty scary I thought of one that Wade might like oh this is not a Disney villain never mind that's just a random villain from a movie I thought of you can name it anyway the aliens from Mars attacks oh god yeah what's balder than bald brain that's true hairless brain That's the purest bald you can be. Hairless, wrinkly brain. Like a freshly shaven scrotum head.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Same. I hate that. I hate it. Yeah, that was a fucked up scene. Uh, Mark. Huh. Is underwear designed more to protect you or your pants? I'm thinking pants.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
That's underwear. Bob? I mean, it's definitely there to protect you. Obviously, there are zippers. There are seams. Have you ever worn any of the pants that you wear on a regular basis without underwear? Because you will discover that the inside of your pants is not remotely as safe as the inside of your underwear. First, some pretty specific bits, but some pretty important bits, I think.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I don't remember which way I was leaning going into this, but I lean both ways now. Good for you, man. Yeah, that's fair. I don't know. Maybe there's not more than one answer to this one, but I thought of this question and I couldn't unthink it. Why don't square pizzas come in round boxes, but round pizzas come in square boxes? Because square pizza couldn't fit in a round box.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I just like that phrase, everything goes in a square hole. It's like a trend on TikTok that's probably still going on. Yeah, it's a meme. I don't know that one. That's right. Goes in the square hole. And then the one person always duetting it and getting traumatized by it. Yeah.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
If companies would start making round bags for them to put the pizzas in to stay warm, then the box companies would have to make round boxes.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But if everything goes in the square hole, why can't the round box go in the square bag? A bag is not a hole. A bag is a container. Don't you dare equate those two things. What if you cut the bottom of the bag out? Then it's just a hole. That's called the tube. We've talked about this. Damn it. That's just a pre-cannoli. I knew it was going to... Damn it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Lobbyists for Big Square. That square lobby bullshit is why that's a thing, and that's the only reason.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
We're on, I was going to say mobile. Is it mobile? Exxon Mobile? That's a company, yes. I hear mobile now. I just think mobile games are like a phone. But it's gas. But it's not on your phone. But it's still mobile. Because it moves. I was thinking of another point. Mark, you have to retake your test for your driver's license. Which part will you struggle with? Written and driving.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
You have to do both. Oh, man. What would you struggle with if you had to retake your driver's test?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I did not like roundabouts when they first started appearing because they were new and different. I don't like new and different. But now that they're old and same, I like them. No, roundabouts still feel dangerous, man. Like most people, especially if they're from the area where the roundabouts are, most people have come to grips with exactly mostly what you're supposed to do.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But if you get some random out-of-towner or some delivery driver who doesn't do this normally or something...
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
they always they still feel so fucking dangerous so many times where i've had like a like a spidey sense where i'm like i think this like i'm on the inside someone's on the outside and i'm like i think this person my right might be a fucking idiot and i just like give them space and then they do that thing where you just go straight through the circle and cut into the lane or whatever and i'm like i knew it the thing i've never seen happen but i feel like has to because of the location of some roundabouts is what happens when a semi or an 18 wheeler has to go for a roundabout
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Well, they just drive right the fuck over those things. No, they don't care. Yeah, because some of them do not seem like they're well-designed for a semi to go through. I've never seen one go through a normal residential roundabout. There's some locations where they have to go, and they'd have to go through one, but I've never seen one do it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I've seen semis absolutely decimate bushes in the middle of a roundabout, because the front, they were going around, and the back was just like... Yeah, because that just seems like such a... It happens. Oversighted thing?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But some roundabouts are just one lane. They just wedge in there. They just go do what they got to do. That's terrifying.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
No, you know what I've seen that is the craziest thing in a roundabout is in my neighborhood where I grew up, we had one road that was a residential road and it was a 25 mile an hour speed limit, but it was kind of the road that went like straight through the neighborhood from end to end.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
So it was a good, if you needed to get through around the neighborhood, people would just blast down that thing at like 45 miles an hour. And like my senior year of high school, they narrowed that road a whole bunch and then put a bunch of roundabouts in it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Man, I saw several instances of someone who was just like, oh, I'll take this shortcut and just straight ahead, like twice the speed limit and ramped off of the roundabouts because they weren't like hard curb roundabouts. They were like gentle and like literally, you know, soccer moms driving big suburbans or whatever would just like. Didn't stop. Didn't seem to hurt the car or anything.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I'm sure coffee went everywhere or whatever, but that's fun to watch from outside. I'm sure nothing bad's ever happened because of that. Might be fun to be in the back if you live. Yeah, as long as everyone's fine, I'm sure it's great. School buses on Roundabout? I don't know. Bob, what would you struggle with if you had to retake your driver's test?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
They make you do the peripheral vision tests and they make you do the reading tests and they make you do it without your glasses no matter how much you tell them that you don't do anything without your glasses because you can't see shit and then they're like, ooh, are you legally blind? Are you allowed to drive? And I'm like, no, I'm not blind. I wear glasses. Look, I'll put my glasses on.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
It'll be fine. They always give me a hard time about that and I hate it. I'm really bad at it. I would struggle.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
i actually haven't gone to update my driver's license since i got my eyes fixed so i have on my license still needs corrective lenses but i don't need them anymore i wouldn't struggle with that you're gonna get in trouble they're gonna be mad at you my lenses are corrected good thing the police have their uh their four optors and stuff with them so when they pull you over they'll be like better one two it looks like you are seeing 2020.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Sorry, that's the other one. Is the hot air balloon getting clearer? Good. Is it getting closer? How about now? How about now?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
what's an unconventional animal this is to you bob an unconventional animal whose milk nobody drinks but you think might be good couldn't tell you why beaver beaver milk i think just it just sounds like a thing that would be good i don't know much about beavers they seem cool they're very cute just like if i saw beaver milk on a shelf somewhere that's one where i'd be like try it Okay.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Not a good start, man. But, but, but, but, but... I can do this two-sentence horror story structure if you'd like.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
okay you convinced me that noise is you know what convinces me it's that noise does it have to be a mammal because no just animal alligator milk that sounds like a colloquial drink that is served somewhere where there's alligators and i'm thinking that might not be terrible that might not be too bad that's like what they call moonshine in louisiana theater milk okay
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I was thinking one of those like antelopes, like in the Lion King that have like the big curvy horn things or whatever. Antelopes. They're just antelopes. Yeah, that's what I said. I'm just describing one for some reason. That's just, they're too similar to the animals that we already drink milk from. I've never had deer milk. Aren't antelopes? Moon milk. I'm going to milk the moon.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I just think antelopes look chill. They have some chill milk. Who am I? A. James McCarthy? Milk in the moon? Ha!
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
got him gotta get your biannual a james mccarthy jabs in do you think he thinks about you every time he takes a photo of the moon now he's like i hope mark appreciates this one maybe who knows one passionate life and you've taken it from him because you said you hate the moon i highly doubt i've stolen it from but there's always hope Always hope who went first on that one Bob.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Did you need I think so mark your first on this one What is the most pointless lie you've ever told you lied about and you're like, why did I lie about that?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I'll give you a moment. I'll tell you what I did I remember going to school and I think Dragon Ball was on the previous day and I watched the Dragon Ball Z episode And one of my friends was like, hey, did you see the Dragon Ball Z episode yesterday? And I said no, but I had And then like after I lied, I was like, we could have had like a cool conversation about that. Why did I lie about that?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Or I had no reason. I just like the way they asked it, like they're like, I forget how they they asked it, but they asked it in a way that made it feel like my answer should be no. So I said no. Then I was like, I had no reason to lie about that. I just felt like I should.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But school and early school days is ripe for that because there's been plenty of times where, you know, I'm a bit of a loner, but also I was like, man, I wish I had friends to hang out with.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC. Pre-order now. Rated M for Mature.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I can't think of anything too specific. That's fair. Bob? The most pointless lie I've ever told is that I... Have a soft rubber ball in my left hand right now.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Where is it? Where's the ball? Where's the ball? I don't have access to a soft rubber ball. You just set it down on your desk. Where is it? Where is the ball? Where's the ball? If I had a ball, it would be halfway across the room right now because I would have dropped it already. We're the puppies who want you to throw the ball and we know you have it. Where's the ball? I don't have one.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I told you it was a lie and it was pointless because balls don't have points. Also because it didn't have any purpose. Well, I don't like that lie, but it is pointless and it was a lie and it was upsetting. Stupid, right? Terrible lie. Why would I do that? What was the point? All right, Bob, you're writing an autobiography about your life. What's the title? Memoirs of a Snake Wrangler.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
a two-hour flight as long as somewhere in there you call it the second most pointless lie you've told it's not that one has a point to sell books i gotta make my publishers happy yeah that is true that's true that is a point pointful pointful lie pointy pointy lie mark what's the title of your autobiography
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Just big nuh-uh. Standing Tall But Falling Short. Standing Short But Falling Tall.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
standing fall but tolling short memoirs of someone who absolutely is not a masochist all right i've got multiple questions left i feel like we've done a good number of these mark what is the worst thing you could have a buy one get one free on that i'm buying yeah a biopsy that would suck that would suck if they were gonna do it like right then and there um how many times are you buying bad things uh who the fuck
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Bob, what's yours? If it's something I'm buying... You're buying and you're getting one free, but I wish you weren't.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
That's true. You said it's a thing that I'm buying for some reason. I would not want the free one. I would see if I could just get the one and not get the deal, but you buy one, you get one free. For some reason, what I thought of was a divorce. Does it reverse it? Is it like a double negative? Well, depending on who you are as a person, that might just be a good savings.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
If you know you're going to do it again, just get one for free and bank that. I guess that's true. I had testicular cancer in one nut, and I paid for it, and they took the other one for free. So you're saying the nutectomy. Yeah, the nutectomy. Oh, Bob, you got another? A fish sandwich from Long John Silver's.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I will not accept Long John Silver's slander here. Yeah, I like their fish and fry. Now, granted, their fries, they change their fries to potatoes. Yeah, I didn't think they were potatoes before, you're right. No, the waffles.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Those puppies are good too, but their waffle fries are not as good to me as their original fries. And you get a lot less. They hardly give you any fries now. Their discount, I forget if it was Tuesday or Thursday, but their Baja fish taco deal got me through. Between that and McDonald's dollar menu got me through college like this. I would rather eat White Castle than Long John Silver.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
oh come on and white castle's fine yeah wait what's going on what's happening here all of these things give me upset stomach but if i gotta buy one get one of a long john silver's fish sandwich i would be stuck on the toilet all night it would be miserable yeah build up your tolerance i wouldn't even eat them i'd buy one get one just to throw them both away
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
One car in the drive-thru, and it looks like they went there on accident because they didn't know what restaurant it was. I've never seen a busy Long John Silver's. There's no such thing. That makes me sad. I have waited in line in the rain for Long John Silver's. There's just no way that was worth it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
So KFC is just subsidizing Long John Silver's in that situation. I mean, pretty much, but... KFC is basically just buying a bunch of frozen fish and throwing it away because no one else comes in to buy it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
No, Long John Silver's is good. I will say I'm not big on Long John Silver's chicken. I like their fish. I didn't even know they had chicken. You can get a chicken meal or a fish meal, yeah. I've not had it in a while. I kind of want it. Now I'm going to have that for dinner. Enjoy your toilet time. Oh, man.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I do. I'm not being facetious. In terms of people I know in real life, like friends, family, anyone I actually know, literally you two guys are the only two people I know who don't actively dislike Long John Silvers. I like Long John Silvers.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Everyone would be like, oh, no. I really am hungry for Long John Silvers now. Look at this delicious fish from Long John Silver's. I love this fish. Ah, yeah. Good Long John Silver's meal. The old fries, the hush puppies. Look at this. I'm curious what the subreddit's going to say about this. Yeah, because when you said sandwich, it confused me because you don't get sandwiches really.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Or ketchup. I like ketchup. I'm going to be honest. I don't actually know for sure what they have at Long John Silver's. I haven't checked recently. I haven't gone since I was a child. They have good food is what they have. They have good food. I think it's a conspiracy. A Long John Silver's or Frisch's is dying in Cincinnati right now, which is very sad because I also love Frisch's. It's dead.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Dead. Yeah, it's basically all the way dead. There's like three restaurants left, but Frisch's and Long John's, the world's a better place with them in it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
If I needed fish and I was the one place, I could go there. I could go there.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
That's working. When Burger King had their 90s tenders, they might have been my favorite, but... You know, I'm not making fun of you for liking it either. I'm just shitting on the restaurant itself because I have strong opinions that are based on very little fact.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I'm thinking back on it, and I remember occasionally asking for a Long John Silver's. I can't remember anybody else in my family ever asking for it. I'm not going to fight that. Oh, there's going to be hundreds. There's going to be tens of us, maybe fives. There's at least someone else. I genuinely like it. Look, they're still open. Long John Silver's has been in business for decades.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Clearly someone goes in there for some reason. Your fish is good. Maybe they have really good bathrooms. No, they don't actually.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I don't think I ever ate in a Long John Silver's, maybe once. Oh, I did plenty of times, yeah. I'm just fishing for reasons, you know? Stop. Start. That's not getting you off the hook. I'm just casting my net out and seeing what I can find. Fish. I would hope it would be fish, but you never know what you're gonna get from Long John Silver's.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Oh, okay. How many points did I get for my Long John Silver's jokes? I could make more. I gave no points for Long John Silver's to you. What about me? You got one for liking it. Okay, cool. Alright, I'll take it. Well, I love Long John Silver's. How many points is that worth? Shut up. Our bonus spin is for dropping the most items. Oh, yeah, no, I do that a lot, don't I?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
You just had to find a way to face down the bear face-to-face in person, huh? My options? Stick, cardboard box. That'll do it. Yeah, why not? I'm not going to get my boar spear and go kill the bear.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Yeah, well, you did, and it was very comical because it was, like, cartoonishly slow, but we heard, like, the clang, ker-clunk, splat. Yeah, it happens. Splash? Wait, what's going on down there, bud? Well, splat. With a T. I just kind of didn't put the T as splat.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
My performance today was pretty mediocre, but I will defend Long John's till the day I'm kicked off this episode, or this podcast today. Till today. For the rest of today, I'm fucking in favor of Long John Silvers. I will defend them till today. Ugh, do our wheel spins. Get me out of here.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Hey! Three bonus points today. It started off strong, but that's the first three we've had in a while. I'm ready for it. Can't wait for our listeners and viewers to both get a point. And spin number one. Okay, come on. Most callbacks. Callbacks. It really likes it a lot. Does Long John Silvers count as a callback? No, it doesn't count as a callback.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I don't know if it's a callback if it just keeps happening in the same bit. I did a two-sentence horror story callback. Who's it? We all did. The Moon! The Moon Man! That was a callback. I talked about The Moon. Why, no. A. James McCarthy. Oh, ooh, that's true. That is two callbacks to previous, like, whole episodes. I think it was slang and callback.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
if i give you long johns as a callback i give that still mark has two callbacks there because his whole moon bit and uh probably we've talked about getting kicked in the nuts previously so that's probably a callback that's a that's a i'm gonna say mark gets a point for that oh all right thank you thank you thank you it's been number 2.4 listeners come on Oh, this is tricky. Uh, this is tough.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I have a purple background and a salmon colored shirt. So each of you would fit better in the other person's... Mark has a salmon colored background and a gray shirt. Yeah, this is odd. Uh... Mark, do your magical math. Everyone was really a fan of that on the subreddit. Were they?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I don't, actually, I don't think people said too much about it, but a couple of people were like, what the fuck happened to Mark?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Oh God. How many are, uh, Wade, what if you just pick? No, no, no, it's much less scientific.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I thought you were intentionally trying to not show your shirt for this. I was like, that feels like cheating.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I'm putting that in there. My shirt is shockingly uniform in color here. Yep, it is. All right, so I got that.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Oh, thanks, buddy. All right. Thanks, Mark. All right. Last wheel spin. Thanks for all the work, man. You're welcome. Last wheel spin. I hope it creates a lot more work for Mark. Point for the viewers. Point for viewers. God. All right. I hope we're tied.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But we got one, two, three, four, five. Some of them started keeping track and they're like, our points should accumulate so by the end of the season we should win. We got five out of 22 so far are points for either viewers or listeners. So almost, almost a quarter of our spins are resulting in two of those out of our however many is on the wheel currently. That's a little crazy.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Two out of 31 slices on the wheel have been drawn slightly less than a quarter of the time. That seems pretty unlikely. You guys ready for the point breakdown? Yeah. Yeah, do it. Bob, you got points for... Bear... Smart... Parasuit? Parasuit, probably, yeah. Jungle Gems. Dropped something. Needs more Sawbell. Fill a side. Stop, wait, no. Don't remember what that was for.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
My last words to my murderer, I think. Oh, yeah. Petey's hair. Caught naked at Wade's house. Soccer mom ramping. Lying right now.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Bear in eight all beaver milk beaver milk Snake wrestler kick in the nuts and You lost the point for standing kind of sounds like I got points for everything I said no I left out a lot of the law I left out long John's and stuff like that didn't didn't like that mark you got points for bear these nuts And that's it. Wow. I be gone.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I don't know what that actually says, but that's what I'm going to assume it says. Quick a mime, Pappy.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Oh, yeah, yeah. Poppy's playtime. Poppy. The countdown. Naked in the shower. Protect pants underwear. Looks like it says empathy gooey in square hole. What happened to my side?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
coin zitching in my palm here everything goes to the square hole is what you wrote i gotta tell you that for some reason the top half of these pages my pen doesn't want to write as well as it does on the bottom half so whoever i put on the top it's a lot harder to read than whoever goes like in the middle or the bottom just the way it works man Middle or the bottom.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
How are you breaking these pages up? It's full. If only you could use... No, you know what? That's fine. Do it the way you want. Posed pants.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Biopsy. Not a masochist. But you got 15 points, but you lost two. One for standing and one for won't be gone or whatever the hell I said earlier. Which got you 13. The wheel gave you one to give you 14. Bob, you had 14. The wheel gave you one to get you 15. I finished with minus three. Viewers finished with plus one. So it's Bob by one point over Mark. Mark by 13 points over the viewers, then me.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I feel like some of my points were really long and it could have been two merged together. I feel the same. So I can read my tallies really easily. I just can't read my descriptions really easily. Bob wins, as long as you all think that's fair.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I might struggle to read and write, but I can make tallies. Mark, you could always... You gonna go for the multiple wins? Yeah, what would be the stakes if I did? So either Bob gets two wins, things stay as is, or you win and Bob loses, I think. Yeah.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
And that is unfair. Oh, he said it. Unfair has been declared. If we get three heads, Mark is correct. You have to read them correctly. The episode will not end until you actually decipher what your writing was so that we can make this fair. That's the host. I decline that. No, don't try to read now.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
as the host if mark gets three heads he'll just win i think the host does get to decide what happens but i like mark's version i get to petition what is unfair and then he gets if you lose do you just lose twice or does bob win twice or both i think either i win twice or mark gives up a win yeah that is true we are keeping score of that that doesn't matter well heads for you tails for bob
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I got a head. Shit. I got heads. Only Mark didn't get Mark. Only Mark can prevent Mark from winning. Sounds like what happened today was very fair. It was fair. It was deemed fair. Alright, whatever you say. It sounds like I'm getting a new pen for the next one, just in case. Took a lot of notes. I lost points for Smokey, Floppy Joes, and Mobile.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Well, uh, Mark, being as you are confirmed to have lost fair and square, lose your speech.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I know that you don't own that, but also if one day you were just like, oh, my bear outfit showed up. I ordered one and it just got dropped off on a pallet. I would just kind of be like, Yeah. He has like an Iron Man assembly where like the floor lifts up and Amy comes over and puts like a paw on his hand. Jarvis!
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I always love when I host an episode and before the episode's even over, it's been so forgettable that we don't even know what happened. Yeah. Bob, winner's speech.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I mean, it's fair. And so anyway, thank you to the coins. And I guess thank you to Wade for not being able to write, but only on Mark's part of the paper. And I look forward to hosting the next episode as is fair and deserved. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to talk again now. I'm just still so disappointed in your dislike of Long John Silvers. I'll do the outro if you want. No, it's okay.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
If you guys haven't already, make sure you follow Bob, our winner. My skirm. Mark at Markiplier. Me, I'm the loser based on the points.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Me, the loser at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Follow our viewers on the subreddit. They got third place. Pretty good. Listeners, do better. Podcast out.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
It was very cool. Except for going outside at any point. I would have been there in that situation. I'd have been like, wow, that's cool.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
On the roof, like waiting with like a bucket. Mama on top of the bucket. Like, yeah, come out here. There's actually a bear SWAT team tucked just around the corners out of sight. Like this always works. The humans will come out any second now.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
That's good instincts. He's good instincts, yeah. That's a big muscular pee. I want to avoid that one. Do you think bears hike their legs when they pee? I mean, maybe. What, you mean like dogs? Yeah. Like they squat. I mean, probably.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I thought they used trees it's like to imagine like a bear like they're hung over they go up to a tree and they're just like oh god they actually came to Mark's door because they were out of toilet paper they wanted some Charmin oh you guys had the Charmin bears in your yard I see I see I wish we just had cocaine bear so sad we know Smokey's not in California is that a bad joke to make that's probably a bad joke to make what was the joke
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
because there's fires in california is that he's the only you could prevent forest fires and you all had fires recently and you know i'll take away yeah take a point away i don't make up for it you know what you did you see my pen oh is someone not prepared Someone not doing their hostly duties? Right here. Well, I... Look, is it too early for me to already say that I'm just a fake woodworker?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I had this conversation about being a car guy where I was like, oh, I got my cool car, and then I felt fake about it. It's been busy. It's been busy. We had guests over the weekend and lots of other excuses. I haven't actually done any work in the garage, like woodwork stuff, in a couple weeks at this point.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But because I've been so diligent and working so hard, I bought another saw off Fake Poison Marketplace. So, you know. Nice. Are you saws like Mark's lensing? I say you're even more of a woodworker. I mean, these are, these are, I bought the other kind of saw that you need. So the first one I got was a miter saw, which is the one where you pull it down and this one is a table saw.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
It's small and I'm going to, so I can hang it up on the wall of the garage out of the way. It's like a,
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
job site table saw but if this is what you need to like rip long things into long sticks of whatever width you so choose right it's a different type of saw so you kind of need a table saw for a lot of stuff you're going to want to do also you could do cross cuts on it and it came with a miter gauge so i could do other kinds of mitered cuts and I'm a real woodworker.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I just don't ever touch wood or screw anything together or do anything like that. But I'm a real woodworker boy. That's my idea. It's real. I want you to know your point for this is I got a 2x4 and the only prescription is more Sawbell. Oh, because of the... Don't know why, but it's what I thought of. That's why I wrote it down. Yeah. I'm really funny. Sometimes.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Watching you guys look more depressed after each joke is kind of not what I'm going for today.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
No, immediately both of you looked like the happiness in your life had been drained and all good memories were gone. I was just trying so hard to come along on your journey, but that's... I failed. It's a good thing I'm a host today, not a competitor, because I would... I look disappointed because I failed myself, not because of what you did.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
You both look like I'd slapped you in the face and killed your families rather than told a joke, and that kind of says it all. I don't think that's how I would look if you did that. I think I would look different than that. Some days the comedic genius just doesn't awaken, and today apparently is one of that days for me. It's fine. It happens.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
so you're woodworking you don't do anything with the wood except for saw it i don't even saw it but i have saws for it so that's pretty legit if i do say so myself so you have wood you have saws yeah you never combine the two i did a little and then i was like i don't think that's right and so i'm not going to do that anymore
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But if I ever need to saw wood, if that comes up, maybe in a different context. You got two saws. Yeah, two saws. I mean, technically, four saws, depending on how you count them and how crazy you want to get. Four saws, Johnny? Two big, two man saws, and then two sort of boy saws, you know? How many packs of saws a day? You becoming a chainsaw-er? Is that funny? That was good. I liked that one.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Yeah, that was good. Wait, I don't have a chainsaw, though. Ow. What was it? Did you fucking hear that? Yeah, what was it? Somehow, I just had a fidget spinner in my hand that was perfectly silent and it hit the mic stand and then bounced into my crotch and then hit the leg of my desk really loudly. We heard all the bounces. So now I'm sad and my nuts hurt a little.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Well, whatever. Anyway, I'm going to finish James's table someday. It's a six month project, really. And I'm only two months in. So I got a lot of time. He'll be like in college, his third year of college. Like, James, I've been working on this your whole life. It's finally ready. It's like a Fisher Price sized like table. I'm going to have to cut some parts out if I want to get it done by then.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
But I think I can make it happen. Cool. Chainsaws and bears. No, I don't have a chainsaw. I'm going to keep bringing that up. Sorry. Good talk. I've got nothing else new. I think I shared all of my new stuff. That's life, I guess. Nothing happens. That's life. Are you okay, Wade? This seems, I don't know. I don't think so.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Okay, so look, I'm still wearing the same shirt, so you guys can tell that either I've been having a hard time or this is recorded the same day as the last episode. I thought the last episode went fine. You won. I figured that was happy. I'm just, I'm still not mentally recovered from... Winning? No, a couple things that happened yesterday. One was not great. Two was watching The Last of Us.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I no see countdown or I miss countdown. I saw countdown. Countdown was right there. Well, you just missed five whole seconds of countdown. Yeah.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I get emotional, man. I'm an emotional person when I watch shows and movies sometimes. I'm the guy who'll sit there like tears streaming down my face. Then I'll go watch like 10 other people react to something so I can cry along with them too. I'm not okay. I'm sorry. I'm not okay. I'm sorry. Thank you. Should I send you some flowers or something? No. I want flowers. Chocolate?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Are you milk chocolate or dark chocolate? Mark, I need you to buy the rights to The Last of Us so we can make it again. Why do I gotta do this? You buy the rights to The Last of Us. Yeah, Mark. Because I'm a broke-ass bitch. You're not at all! Just because you refuse to buy a car, that actually means you have more money sitting around. How much money to buy the Last of Us IP?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
man i'm really on it today over the top rage keep this in this is the cold open editors this is the start of the episode don't don't let him off the hook this might be part of it too welcome back to distractible editors you heard him keep it in whatever it was it's so funny everyone will get it i'm the host of today's episode i'm wade joined by mark and bob
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
I don't think that's gonna really come up on Google. It didn't. It's at least $10 according to my search. Alright, well you can afford it. That's almost definitely true.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Who made this? Is it Naughty Dog? Who made Last of Us? Who's the publisher?
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Uh, Naughty Dog, blah, blah, blah, blah, worth a dollar. At least a dollar. I need between one and ten dollars at least to buy this. I just am not willing to spend that.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Alright, anyway. Today's topic. I wrote down the title for this episode as IDK some Q's. Okay. Q's as in questions, I assume? Yeah, it's just called I don't know some questions. I've got some A's. Maybe some B's. C is the next letter. I got some D's nuts. Got them. Air horns. Put air horns in. ... A lot of imagination on our end for that, but I can hear it.
Distractible
idk, some "Q"s
Editors, do that thing where you have my hand detached and I have to... You do it in reverse so that it lands right here every time. That TikTok filter. It's really easy to do, actually, once you know how it's done. Yeah. Even I can figure out how you do that, and that's really bad because I don't know anything about anything when it comes to editing. Okay.
Distractible
Edutainment!
The companies will scare you, though. They'll give you jargon that's like, if you have issues and you use your own equipment, we can't service it.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Fucking scam. I had somebody come to the house that literally just opened something up with a key. Then they had me do all of the work and interface with it. And they closed it, sealed it up. And they're like, I think we're just going to charge you a usual service charge today. That'll be $79.99. And I was like, you were here for 20 minutes. I did all of the work. And I owe you $80?
Distractible
Edutainment!
You guys won't believe this, but I, Wade, have a Wade's Tech Corner update. Whoa. Do I ever have technology updates? The answer won't surprise you. It's no.
Distractible
Edutainment!
So there's a channel I watch. I don't have to pull up a specific video, but there is a channel I watch sometimes. I don't know if it's the titles, the thumbnails, or just the puzzles themselves that get me. But the channel is Mind Your Decisions.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I don't know how entertaining it actually is but there's something like fulfilling because the problems are presented to you and they're usually like logic puzzles or different kinds of puzzles and they're things like here are some matchsticks, move one matchstick to make this equation true or something and I'm like...
Distractible
Edutainment!
how do i move the matchstick i need to move two how do i move just one and sometimes i'll think of the solutions i'll feel really smart and other times i'll watch the solutions play out i'm like i wish i'd thought of that it's it's less on the entertainment scale as far as like funny or like rock out or whatever else but it's more so just like i enjoy the brain teasers and i like feeling smart occasionally at the very least i walk away i'm like you know what next time i'll know what to
Distractible
Edutainment!
I don't want to stop and allow that to happen. I'm sure you'll earn it. I have been plagued by a mystery for a while. The weighty boy here bought some monitors back in like 2015, 2016. And I used those puppies all the way up until this year. And I decided, you know what? It's time. The universe said 60 Hertz isn't the cap. You can go beyond that now.
Distractible
Edutainment!
so what i did was i bought some new monitors these bad boys 4k dual mode don't even know what that means up to 244 240 hertz one of the two don't even know the numbers are so much bigger than i'm used to I slapped these bad boys on. I had DisplayPorts on the old ones. And I was like, you know what? DisplayPort seems to still be the thing after a decade. Let's keep DisplayPorts on these bad boys.
Distractible
Edutainment!
It is Schoolhouse Rock, but man, what a thing that we actually look forward to watching and learning when we were in school. I think I always had a good time. I never heard anyone complain about the Schoolhouse Rock days.
Distractible
Edutainment!
And that's how I know how our government should work. And immediately both of you knew exactly, like you saw just the Capitol building and you guys were like, I know this. It was just, it's so effective. It's older. I don't know what year this even came out. But man, watching this elementary school was like, dude, schoolhouse rock day.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Okay, that's a lot of stuff. I have another one if you need a moment, Bob. Yeah, I'm still looking. Go ahead. He's racking it up. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Nye, the science guy.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Let me start with what the first thing I think of with Bill Nye, which is kind of a weird one, is the brought to you by, which was always a gag. It was like, Bill Nye is brought to you by H2O. Water. Stuff like that. I don't know why, but I was always like, dude, I love the brought to you by, because it's not actually just some stupid company. It's something fun and interesting.
Distractible
Edutainment!
And then obviously the episodes always would be too, but man, the brought to you bys, always looked forward to those.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Chris Hadfields TED Talk. Ich weiß nicht, ob ihr TED Talks genießt. Ich genieße TED Talks. Chris Hadfield war der Astronaut, der auch David Bowie's Space Oddity performte. Aber seine TED Talk fand ich wirklich lustig. Es gibt Leute, die Dinge tun, die sie wahrscheinlich nie in ihrem Leben tun werden, wie zum Beispiel in den Raum gehen und dann darüber sprechen.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Es gab einen Moment, an dem er gesagt hat, dass er nicht sehen konnte. Er hat all seine Visionen verloren. Er war draußen und musste sich auf sein Training konzentrieren, um einen Moment durchzuführen. Und er sagt, ja, aber was auch immer dich erschreckt, um dich von deinen Träumen zu stoppen, ist wahrscheinlich auch ziemlich schlecht. Das ist lustig. Aber es war lustig.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Es war wirklich informativ, darüber zu lernen, was er erlebt und durchgegangen hat. Und dann, ich weiß nicht, ihn zu hören, Space Oddities zu performen, ist einfach wirklich lustig. He kind of changes the lyrics to make it less ominous and either sad or whatever. And more upbeat and just, I don't know. I enjoyed his TED Talk quite a bit in TED Talks in general.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Fired up the old PC. By old I mean less than a year old. Because we're all new here at Wade Studios. And all three monitors flickered on. And I was like, oh baby, we're in business. I launched up my first game, ready to check out my new sweet puppies. And one of my modders was like, oh, oh dear, oh my, oh no, heaven's the best. Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
Distractible
Edutainment!
Some people do a pretty entertaining job. I would agree, though, that not all TED Talks are super entertaining. Glad I picked a specific one, then.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Ever. We hear distractible support coin flips. Oh, God. We will let the frog venom decide who is truly right. Let us know if you want a frog venom episode. I don't know if I want that experience.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Ich habe das vorhin schon gesagt, ich denke, für einen anderen Kontext, aber Urban Rescue Ranch ist ein YouTube-Kanal. Es begann mit einem Jungen, der hatte, oh Gott, einen Emu, glaube ich, namens Kevin. Ich glaube, es ist ein Emu. Ich könnte falsch mit der Spezies sein, aber ein Emu namens Kevin. Und er hat einen Känguru und hat es als Baby genannt.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Und wie einige der ersten Episoden, hatte er wie ein paar Küken. Er hatte diesen Känguru und er hatte diesen wachsenden, riesigen Pferd. In den letzten Jahren hat er sich viel mehr entwickelt. Jetzt hat er einen Non-Profit. Er macht Ressourcen. Die Leute werden abgelaufen. Oder er holt verletzte Zwiebeln oder Böden oder Haken. Oder Fasern, Schwirre, du nennst es. Er lernt auf der Art und Weise.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Du lernst ein paar Lektionen mit ihm. Er wird sagen, oh Mann, ich muss die Pins so machen. Ich habe es so gemacht. Ich dachte, das würde funktionieren. Aber ich muss es so machen. Aber einige der Sachen sind einfach so. Als Kind habe ich mal einen verletzten Quarren gefunden. Und mein Freund und ich haben gesagt, ich weiß nicht, was ich damit tun soll.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Lass uns ihn nach Hause nehmen und versuchen, ihm etwas Milch oder so zu geben. Und wir haben es wahrscheinlich nicht geholfen. Aber er geht durch und zeigt, hey, wir haben diesen verletzten Tier. Du kannst einen von diesen finden. Du kannst diese Zahlen nennen. Diese Plätze sind überall und sie können dir helfen.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Oder am wenigsten kannst du ihnen diesen Art von Essen geben, aber mach sicher, dass du das nicht tust. Also es ist wirklich, sie sind lustige Videos, aber es gibt auch ein paar Dinge, wo ich sage, ich wusste nicht, dass dieser Art von Ort bis jetzt existierte.
Distractible
Edutainment!
There actually is. Believe it or not, there actually is. But it is very entertaining. But every now and then you're just like, man, if I'd known that years ago, I might have been able to save that bird that flew into a window. I could have saved that chipmunk. You might have been able to, yeah.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Fair enough. Somehow didn't know they existed until I was older in life. Like as a teenager, I had no idea Animal Control was a thing.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I knew that there was some company you could call that wasn't the garbage company to pick up animal corpses. Did not know there was a company you could call for animals that weren't dead yet.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Das sind die gleichen drei Monitore. Das sind sogar die gleichen drei Korden und Kabel. Keine neuen Teile wurden eingegeben. Die Lösung war nicht, Software zu downloaden. Es war nicht, eine Beta-Version von Nvidias GeForce Experience zu bekommen. Die Lösung war nicht, all meine Grafik-Settings zu updaten. Es war nicht, in das NVIDIA-Kontroll-Panel oder das Display-Kontroll-Panel zu gehen.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I'll go with video game, because Bob opened my mind up to one that I think, again, I've mentioned on here before, but in case I haven't, in case you guys don't remember it. Operation Neptune. The predecessor of We Need to Go Deeper. You have talked about that before. The further down you go, the more complex math equations you have to solve.
Distractible
Edutainment!
So it teaches you, well, I don't remember if it teaches, it's been so long since I played it. Oh, Operation Neptune is part of D-Day? Oh no. Well, not this video game. You'll see a submarine, a very colorful landscape. But it starts off, you have basic, simple addition, subtraction. And then you'll work your way, you'll fight some sea monsters, whatever, and you'll work your way to the next zone.
Distractible
Edutainment!
and the next zone you have to like send up some kind of like research or something the further down you go but like eventually you'll get to like multiplication and like division and like as a kid i couldn't i couldn't do those things i was too young i didn't understand how to do them so i never got super far into the game but i loved playing it and like trying to figure out the math equations and making sure i was setting the research up like i actually really enjoyed it even though ultimately it was like all math
Distractible
Edutainment!
Es war nicht um die Hertz zu verändern, obwohl das vielleicht hilfreich war, um es zu sagen. Die Lösung war nicht nur, sie abzuschalten und sie wieder reinzuschalten. Aber ja, es war es tatsächlich. Die Lösung war nicht nur, sie abzuschalten. Es war, sie von beiden Enden des Computers abzuschalten. Der Monitor, die Wand, das Ding.
Distractible
Edutainment!
game but it had like the mechanics of i think firing your torpedo and swimming around and dodging things it was very much like a mathematical kids version of we need to go deeper that's great uh i think you have mentioned it but i did not know of it specifically that's that's good that goes head to head with math blaster it's gonna be a fun matchup kind of want to play it
Distractible
Edutainment!
Shoutout to Oregon Trail and Amazon Trail. I learned stuff from those, even though I don't know that they're necessarily supposed to be educational games. But man, I learned a lot of animals and Amazon Trail and I don't know, other things about traveling and stuff.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I'd love to shout out Distractable Podcast. We're very informational, but God, are we one of the most entertaining things out there.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Jeder Kabel musste abgeschaltet werden und sitzen und dann wieder reinzuschalten. Und dann hat es funktioniert.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I kept wanting to bring up neither one of us brought up like magic school bus. I feel like that's pretty. Oh, I did enjoy magic school bus. That was good. Some of those types of shows and stuff.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Ich habe alle Kabel ausgeschlossen, sicher, aber ich dachte, wenn ich sie von einer Suche ausgeschlossen habe, sind sie ausgeschlossen. Ich habe sie nur von beiden Seiten ausgeschlossen.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Es ist ein kleines Schraubendreher, also habe ich zwei Seiten. Warum hast du nicht einen Dice, Mann? Ausgleichsgleichen. Was ist das für deine Ultra-Rolls, wenn du D&D spielst? Wir benutzen keine echten Dice, aber ich wollte einen haben, weil wenn ich einen rollen muss, will ich wieder Dice rollen, aber ich kann nicht, weil wir live sind oder so.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I tried switching from DisplayPorts to HDMI. But you didn't try another DisplayPort cable in the same... So, yes and no. I had a fourth cable, and I did try that cable. But here's the thing. If I turned off one monitor, the other two would work. If I turned off another one of those two and turned this one back on, these two would work.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I've been humming it in my head this whole time. You press it down. Yeah, it's right there.
Distractible
Edutainment!
That's right, baby. It was a trick from the start. I knew I'd put you in position to have to do a solo show. I'm saying it's time for your wheel. We're tied.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Oh, Bob, we're gonna have a really easy job. We just gotta write him an episode. This guy's gotta do a whole one by himself. What are the odds? You gotta do a better job of assigning points the way they can't end in a tie.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I don't think I've had more than a tie in a long time. Hooray! Are you sure you're not tricksy? Are you sure you're not really tricky? Oh, this is looking pretty good. I don't know. Wade, why are you such a lying sack? Come on. You don't want him to have to host his own episode? We have to write it for him. Yeah, there's no how much we have to write.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Yay! Can't wait for the next tie. That gave me heartburn for some reason. I don't feel good.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Well tied, Bob, well tied. So I guess technically we did both win for a minute there until the wheel. It's nice doing episodes like these as well because I do have an awful memory, but I feel like my nostalgia memory is pretty good. Like a lot of things prior to like making content, we have discussions and I'm like, oh my god, that game or that show or that episode.
Distractible
Edutainment!
But man, oh man, when people talk about games we played like four or five years ago, I have to go back and look and I'll even watch it and I'll be like, I have zero recollection of this ever existing. I cannot believe my face is on this with hair, no bald, and playing it. I don't know what's changed in the last like 10, 15 years, but man, has my memory gotten a lot worse.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I'm gonna try to just live in the moment or live in the way back past. Play some Operation Neptune like the old days and forget all of the modern games that clearly aren't as good because I don't remember them as well.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I could not tell you why. I think at all points there was at least one cable plugged in, whether it was a power cable or a DisplayPort or an HDMI. But this was literally unplug every cable from every monitor, leave it sit for a few minutes and plug it back in.
Distractible
Edutainment!
That's just a fun tech tip. They all worked before, just not at the same time.
Distractible
Edutainment!
So far it's survived four restarts, four different game launches, running OBS, YouTube video game at same time.
Distractible
Edutainment!
I will say, just one second ago, I don't know if you saw me shift my focus, one monitor did go black, but it just fell asleep. But I was like, oh no, did I just ruin my own tech point?
Distractible
Edutainment!
Just like you shouldn't have blown into the cartridges, but we all did it.
Distractible
Edutainment!
Oh, okay. Can I at least be Plug Master? No. No. Power Master just sounds a lot cooler than Plug Man.
Distractible
Edutainment!
So you're gonna make your own network, so you don't need like spectrum, big network? You're gonna make your own?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
No, no, this was like 90s, I think. This was like before, this was way before we had cars. But I'm pretty sure that used to be a thing here because I do remember my grandma doing that. And she lived in Ohio unless she was a secret agent and lied to me all my whole life, which is possible.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Trucks, drawers, bamboo, boo, woo, woo. And I had a tummy ache. Good small talk.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I got a text today about crypto. Someone texted me like you need to buy. Maybe it was yesterday. Like you need to buy crypto right now. It's going to go up.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
No, like a family member who I don't talk to all that often was just like, hey, I don't know what you're doing, but if you can buy Bitcoin today, it's going to go over something, 100K or something. They're like, just buy now. Guaranteed, you'll make $1,000. And I was like, oh, thank you. Take it over. Anyway, sorry, coins.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
What if we find our own? That earns you no points. But it would stop the opponent.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
it's all this is a theory there's a game in the mind theater of the mind this reminds me of the books where like you'd have to find like it would be like a little rhyme it's like three soldiers sitting on a dock a yellow bird and a really old clock you just remember were those i spy books what were those books called what's happening i don't recall this i have no memory of these things yeah i don't know what you're talking about
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yes, but I'm pretty sure that they would give you a list, but it was always like in a rhyme or some of the books at least where if I remember, I don't know.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I haven't either. But when the penny talk for some reason made me think of I spy books, I got distractible.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
So I would ask a question like, are there any pennies that just name a place? Is that how I ask this?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm going to walk up to the counter and ask the person working the front. Have you seen anyone acting strangely in here?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I am in the coffee shop. I pat myself down and make sure there are no pennies hidden on my own person.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yeah, good sir. Good sir. I saw a bunch of them in the cash register. Here's your $100.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I do my best charisma role to seduce and or befriend the manager so that I can get a look at the security cameras to see if I can see where anyone placed their penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm reviewing the footage. I'm looking for where people might be hiding pennies.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Okay, it's Wade's turn. Chair tipped over. Mark is very short. So he tried to go somewhere I wouldn't think he could get to. Someplace high up. So the man that climbed on the table earlier, even before Mark's last climb on the table, must have been Mark. So I climb up on a chair and or table, which if Mark can reach something from that point of view, then I can see it like an eagle.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
And I look around for low hanging lights or rafters or anything that a penny might be stored on or in that's tall for Mark and, you know, average for you and I.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Mark's on to me. That's right. I went back in time in this coffee shop, Mark. I handed this to this lady's grandmother knowing that one day she'd pass it on.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I take apart the speaker. I take apart the train. I rip down the outdated decorations. That penny's up here somewhere. I feel for hollow panels in the ceiling. I know he hit... So what, you're just like rifling through?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Looking for pennies. I'm knocking. I'm feeling for hollow spots in the ceiling. Anywhere that Mark might have hidden a penny. Up high.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I thought I set my coin down, but it hit the lid of my chocolate-covered nutties.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I fall on my back from the loud boom of Mark turning on the speaker. But now being at Mark's eye level, I realize what he might have done. I scurry over toward one of the walls where they have the little... What the fuck's that little shit called? The little decorative wood on the base of your walls. Baseboard? Sure.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
shelf they're not a shelf just like the little decorative stuff on the edge of your floor trim trim trim trim is the word yes and i start removing the trim knowing that mark had to have hidden it behind the trim you just remove all of the trim around the entire no it's more like if it's loose like i'm pulling at it you don't find any loose trim it's very buttoned up it's cocked it's very well built damn it okay i'll tear the whole thing down
Distractible
Hide The Penny
i'm afraid you don't see anything you're still short sorry oh i opened the bathroom door see the mess mark is making in there go to the manager tell me you might want to call the police a madman is ruining his restroom i say hey do you see any pennies but we're tied i've already befriended him he pities me he hasn't seen any pennies though
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Am I still holding the train? No, you threw it on the floor. All right. In my head, I greedily thought that maybe I had one in the train car, but I wanted to find the second one.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I guess I didn't, yeah. But in my head, my headcanon, I was holding on to this, like, it's not even the train car, it's the whole train, and I hear a rattle, and I didn't know specifically which car it was. But the speaker, I really wanted to play to Mark's speaker bit, and I kind of got distracted by that. Hey, is there a penny in the train car?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I checked the pillowcases. Ew. Maybe you guys lost a tooth. Maybe the tooth fairy came in and left a penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
it's fine i i nudge wade in the ribs and i go are you seeing something in the corner there do you see something do you see something wayne i look over a bit like nonchalantly and then i gain a look of concern as i notice that something might be living in the corner and i wonder if it's an animal or just a trash monster and i say what the hell is that
Distractible
Hide The Penny
They took the pennies already. Whoever lives in this dorm took our pennies already and spent them. Probably. We need to leave and go check Pennyman. The penny store. You know, the college Pennyman, the guy who comes and collects your pennies.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It's my only hope. You don't need to get any smaller, man. If anything, you should have gotten taller.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
giving in to bob's horrible requirements i use my hands my feet my mouth anything i can to look through these piles for that penny i'm using every appendage i have dick included to find it okay so you come up for air every once in a while and somehow every time you come up you have an additional cold sore or i don't know
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I knew kicking those off would work. Why? Why were there condom wrappers?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, God. But I pressed on. Why did you go condoms and I went Krusty's fuck sock?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I swear to God, if there's a take a penny, leave a penny on the desk, I'm going to be so upset.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I say, Mark, no, you're too small. The power of that vape will blow you away.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I thought to check myself in the coffee shop. I never thought to check you. I'm dead and tiny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Apparently I did. I'm glad he did for me. Thank you. So while he's doing that for me.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Now that we're naked, I can see clearly what's going on around me, which is what's in this attic is very full of stuff. Is it kind of empty, sparse?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm thinking this time it's in a box of schoolwork that they've kept. Either their own or their children's schoolwork, like art projects, report cards. It's the logical next thing I for train in condom wrappers. I search for such a box.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
And then I... Hey, he's got one of those copper magnets! I turn it off to see what happens anyway.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm going now to find a penny. And the way I'm going to do it, I'm going to look to see if there's a take a penny, leave a penny anywhere in this attic.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Mark used a big magnet and sucked up all the magnetic metals to his magnet, right? So I'm going to pull out my handy-dandy metal detector that I carry with me. And now that all of the non-magnetic... Now that the magnetic metal is gone, I'm going to use the metal detector around to see if it can detect the non-magnetic metals such as copper.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Metal detector can detect copper because it's a highly conductive metal?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I mean, he just searched through half the room in one turn. I thought maybe I'd get a little leeway, but... I didn't search through half the room.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I'm going to go to the opposite side from where Mark has the magnet, and I'm going to search specifically around, like, the waist and lower level. Okay, so waist height and below. On the left half of the attic, if it marks on the right.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Now that Mark has pointed out that it's a haunted house and my metal detector hasn't done shit, I pull out my spook-o-meter to detect some spooky shit where I think the penny might actually be. It's pronounced spook-o-meter, but go on. I look for my- I use my spook-o-meter to really point me in the direction of the spoops.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yeah, but whatever it is, it's scary. Scary, it's my spookometer, my spoop, my spoop-oom, spoopy meter.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I love cam-boo lab. Are those little Play-Doh toys that allow you to make spaghetti? Are those 3D printers?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
what the fuck oh i was destined to fail i would have never searched my own hiding spot for your penny it's patently imbalanced i'm going to say so i guessed your spot before we even started thereby guaranteeing my own defeat by not searching my spot because we were of the same mind that's incredibly awful for me
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Why did we both think Grandma was a serial killer? I didn't think Grandma was a serial killer.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Yeah, the exact thing I sent to Bob Mark was, a hollow wall hides a body, one of Grandma's many victims, and its eye socket is my penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
that sounds pretty good mark you earned a total of 10 points yeah and wade you earned a total of nine points okay it all comes down to the bonus point so wait if we roll one and i get it and it ends in a tie again does that mean we go to the wheel with the one man show on it again yep oh man okay
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I am going to concede this to Mark for one reason. He put deodorant on at the start of this stream, which enhances his smell, which adds to his aura.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Good for you. That is the only reason I will concede. It has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't shaved my head.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
For the first time in the history of this show, a moment happened tonight where I guessed the impossible. A made-up scenario that wasn't even a part of a normal scenario that just happened to be the exact thing the host was thinking. And it didn't pay off for me.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
if there's anything equivalent to bob losing 37 coin flips in a row whatever it was it's gotta be this moment so i think that i deserve all of the pity and feel good all you'll get up next time wade's in the world but i don't deserve the win because it still was
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, man, since the last time we spoke, a lot has happened. I had a tummy ache, didn't get much sleep, and here we are.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
If I'm going to walk you through my typical Tuesday, we do our podcast recording. I usually go straight from this to like, if I don't eat, eat something. And then it's like, okay, now I got to stream. I stream for like three or four hours. And then I usually take another hour break from that to get dinner. And then I record till like three in the morning.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
So Tuesday night, I was at my computer till 4 a.m. Yesterday being Wednesday, was a zombie the first half of the day. And then I have D&D on Wednesdays. I play D&D over at Lost Initiative. Went to bed, had a weird dream about zero gravity, woke up in immense stomach pain, and I barely existed today.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, I usually like to fuck with Ryan, yeah. Yeah, I saw that. I came to your stream too, but you didn't read my resub.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, okay. I'm mad at them, actually. Okay, the trucks, not terrible. Truck drivers are like the new minivan drivers in Ohio. Something happens.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Every time, man, every time I'm behind the wheel, there's a pickup truck that's just like, I own this road. It's like, it's three lanes. There's no one else. Why are you swerving at me? Drugs, probably. It's like, all right, fuck off, man.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Ohio truck drivers, apparently there's a club where it's like you've got to be a dick and you've probably got to be high and or drunk to get a truck. Pre-fucking-requisite.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It used to just be minivans, man, but trucks are moving into first place in my hate list.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
You have such a nice truck. Do you need a drawer for your big man tools?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
We are the most relatable podcast on the market, I'm pretty sure. Our problems are the ones everyone has.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, five and a half feet can't even hold a normal-sized human body. What do you expect it to hold drawers?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Oh, is that what you were quoting? Why would you do that here? I don't know what that is.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I don't know. If it's a Paul Brother thing, I usually avoid watching shit.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, there are certainly days where you leave your computer and it's like, Oh, God, what happened? It's like, that's me.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
How could you? Very easily. I don't watch them fight. I don't watch them talk. I don't look at pictures of them. I'm not a drama guy. And if there's like a smog cloud of drama, I think that they, man, they wouldn't pass those old EPA checks. EPA checks? I was hoping none of you would question that. Okay. All right.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It was when we were young here. What? I'm pretty sure in Ohio you used to have to go get your car checked for... I remember my grandma would have to take her car in to get it checked to make sure it was up to whatever the code was.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
You're like, man, that Krabs me up. That Krabs me right up. K-M-U. Good man, K-M-U.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I like that. Thank you for your time. A. M. M. No, A-T-M-B-B. H-E-M-B-B. According to my big brain.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
You're in an interrogation. TME! TME! Batman holding a cup. TME! Where are the other drugs going? TME! W-A-O-D-G. Where are the other drugs? Yes, where are the... W-A-O-D-G. T-M-E. He just spends a lot of time practicing like that. Trapped in here with them. They're T-I-H-W-M.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
But I thought that was Smeagol and Yoda is like one. Smeagoda? Smeagoda? Smeagoda? My precious, you are.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Is it possible that it's just like a cardboard cutout of a Best Buy in front of this warehouse and it'll fall over and it's not really part of Best Buy?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Toilets and plumbing. You, fridges. Mark, fuck you, I guess. I don't know.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
You said Ohioans have basement fridge. I think a lot of Ohioans also have garage fridge.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Apparently, it's trying to maintain the structural integrity of houses while you have basements with an earthquake. And also, apparently, a lot of the reasons basements are a thing in colder states is to have pipes and stuff down there to limit their exposure to freezing, which you don't have to worry about.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I got green tiles for my second Hanabi set. Westchester Toys guy has been very nice to me. Very great guy. Shout out Westchester Toys again, because now I've got two Hanabi sets and extra blues. I'll play so bad. You guys will play some Hanabi.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
peeing okay product physical action exercise masturbation uh drugs alcohol it could be anything i'm going to die i have to go but we both know the correct answer is horse semen but we can't give him that one imagine if we could get him into that though imagine horrible delivery service with horse semen like i got defective horse semen hell of a story how do you know it's defective that's a question for the for him i guess it's not really for use like that i don't know
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I don't know. All right, so what's the worst thing that we can agree upon that he has to start collecting?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
It's gonna be really bad for him. He already broke an ankle with normal shoes blocking a dog. Imagine with Heelys.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
You know, hold on. Time out. What? The fuck happened with the pregnancy thing, man? Why? Oh, why?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
People come to my Twitch stream the first time chatter and all of it is like, Wade pregnant, Bob Mark daddies, Tyler daddy, Ethan daddy.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Look, I might be not as in shape as I used to be, but it's not because of a baby bump. Okay, what is it about? A foodie bump.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Vor preg? I hear Mark. Guys, next Mark stream, make sure you let him know. Man, you have lost so many points this time. You know what? You lost points for me, too. Wait till I host next if I ever win again.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Young me is so excited for this. I don't know if you care much about it, but I hope you do. How about collecting dinosaur bones and building your own fucking dinosaurs in your house, man? You collect them bone by bone. It's legal to buy and sell from private collections that are legally obtained.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
You could just have a fucking T-Rex or a skull in your background and be like, no, that's not paper mache. It's an actual fucking dinosaur. Because you know what's cooler than metal being sculpted? Mother Nature a billion years ago, which is not exactly when dinosaurs were here. But like, you know, you get dinosaur bones. You can actually have real dinosaur bones. How cool is that?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I'll tell it again. So here I was barbecue sauce on my ice cream.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I mean, there are a couple of different places. There's a place called FossilEra.com. I've done no venting, venting, vetting. I've done no venting or vetting of these sites, so I have no idea the legitimacy or anything else. But there's some ethical questions apparently about this, which I'm not sure. Oh, ethics.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
And you'd be displaying. I'm like, you're a content creator, right? Then we'd be right behind you.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Originally, this started with, I found a place where you get like a T-Rex tooth. I was like, oh, that's cool. Then I was like, well, if you can have a T-Rex tooth, can you have like more of a T-Rex? And apparently the answer is yes.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Don't blame me blame God. All right I didn't design the body, man. You want it to be a hyper fixation. It'll last while you get all those teeth.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
What better defense from like people breaking into your server farm than a T-Rex guarding it, you know?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
All right, everyone, we're going up to five distractible episodes a day for the next three years.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
How much would you pay for our asses? A good question to ask. Who are you asking? The viewers. The listener. The viewers specifically. Fuck the listeners, right?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Yeah, if you're going to view our ass, you got to pay for it. Or wait, no, if you're not going to view our ass.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
They get the same enjoyment as long as they believe it's real. Unrelated note, did you guys know that I've got the Mona Lisa in my house? And apparently Mona Lisa is spelled with two S's in Lisa. I didn't find that out till I bought it. Oh, you got the Mona Lisa?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I got one that's wearing a hat and got a beard called the Gnome Lisa.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Something about scroto-rooter. You guys ever put it in and then flush it? Just get a flush chop.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Mark, have you heard of BattleBots? I have. Did you know you can sometimes find and buy BattleBots?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Was Hyper Shock any good? Dunno, but you can get it for $70,000 instead of $225,000 right now, except for it's sold out. But when it gets...
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
you can collect battle bots wait all right okay wait where was this battle bot for sale i found links to old listings that have expired like on ebay and such but people sell battle bots it's it's something did it win you think i watched i don't know anything about battle bots
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I found like different Reddit threads and other things where people have been like trying to help each other find them and stuff. So like there's a community of people helping others find them. Seems like they're always in the 10 grand plus price range. But like, you know, these are true warriors.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Call the plumber and be like, there's something clogging my pipes. It's me!
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
And the guy like throws his phone and breaks his skateboard in half.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
All right, all right, okay, go on, go on. It's even one less D, so it's more convenient. Ooh, oh, ooh.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I thought about going the trading card route, but what about, Mark? I don't know, but you have this famous phrase from back in the day, where's the blacksmith? What if you were the blacksmith? Get a forge, melt down some metals, fucking hammer away some fucking swords and shit.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I don't know if that's going to... Don't call it a comeback, baby.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It was on the list. You can't just choose, Mark. You need a wheel.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
That's okay, man. Just promise me you won't share any of your new passions with us.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I feel like this was unjust. I should have gotten extra points for ink and ink. I should have won by double digits. But you know what? That's OK. The real winner is you, Mark, because you have a great new passion you get to enjoy. And I'm excited for you and your future endeavors. I can't wait to Google this. And the real loser is Bob's Thanksgiving meal.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Well, it takes 60 hours to cool, so you can be able to use it in time.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Real quick about that. Growing up, I don't know. I've not seen more Marbula one, so I don't know exactly what it entails. But my family had like a custom made wooden like marble block set where you could like build your own track to send marbles and stuff down. That's really cool.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I feel like I should get mine out quickly before that happens. I can't follow him up on this.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I don't know if we still have it or not, but we had like a bag of marbles and we just had this big box of like wooden blocks with holes in them and you could just build the marble thing. And some of them were like open so you could see the marble go through. Some of them were fully sealed. It was like tunnels.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Well, good thing there's no video evidence of you betraying that trust. Let me just... Hey, Mark, can you hold it up again real quick? Let me just... All right. How many points is this blackmail word?
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
I don't know if I want any more of this particular small talk. We're going down a lane. I don't know if I can come back from. I appreciate your honesty, sir. Do you treat it like a pan? It gets more seasoned. The more coffee goes in without wash.
Distractible
Bob's Fridge (Part 2)
Why didn't you turn the thermostat of the house down to the fridge temperature? That way it would cool the fridge from the outside.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We have like a red, a sky, an aqua, and then what, a burnt orange? It's almost a traffic light.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm surprised you guys didn't do one for Go. He's gone. Oh.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's very specific. Bird, the porn guy, if you guys remember the porn guy from the porn episode, I found out that he had to take Tyler to the airport last night.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Hey, where the fuck are you? I'm debating whether I text Tyler or do I reach for the Girl Scout cookies?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I have some. Are you plagiarizing off my list? Because you had zero two seconds ago. I saw it on your face.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
onlyest loopiest wooden coaster they had like fire bird or something but they closed that one that's the one where you like you're on your your stomach's like hanging out or whatever the whole time your stomach's hanging out you lay on your tum you like lay on your back at first but then like you're hanging so it's like you're dangling but i think they closed that one i never got to do that one so
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Banshee there you go we were just stalling so you could get there I liked Banshee but I can't write it that much because it's like all corkscrews and loops and I get very motion sick very quickly because it's just like done
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Kings Island's slowly becoming that. I mean, they were bought by Cedar Point, so every roller coaster they add, they get closer and closer to God.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
They're getting taller, man. They're going to reach them eventually. What's the really tall one that they put in like 20 years ago? Top Thrill Dragster. Are you talking about, yeah, Cedar Point? No, no, Kings Island.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm just blanking on the name of it, but they actually finally just put in one taller than that one now too. Are we talking about a drop tower? Are we talking about a roller coaster? No, it's a roller coaster that was the tallest roller coaster they had to like the last five years. They put in a bigger one finally.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The Tolster! Oh, that might be it. Oh, I do know what you're talking about. Yeah, the Diamondback. Diamondback, yeah. The seats on Diamondback do not make you feel like you're locked in. It's like a little bucket seat, and then there's a single small pole with a little pelvis-sized handle that comes towards you. Oh, those are the best. That's the that's the thing that makes it exciting, though.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The seats have no nothing on the side. So it's just like open air everywhere. And you're on this little seat that's separated from the seat next to you or it's like one by itself. And man, oh, man, when you start to go down a hill and you feel your body lift up and the only thing holding you down is this little rickety yellow pole.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's thrilling, but also kind of like it would be so easy to die here. Yeah, well, you're not supposed to try to get out, but I wouldn't. But I, you know, listen, I know that's the thing I like.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I want to feel like I'm in a tank when I'm on the roller coaster, like a convertible tank. That's not exciting.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm going to go with one that I don't know that we've mentioned here before, but that is pretty like, I'm sure there are other museums like this, but we have an underground railroad museum because back in the day, that was a thing that happened was Kentucky was part of the South. Ohio was part of the North. The underground railroad came through here. So we have an underground railroad museum.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
And I guess whenever you live here and you just have that, you kind of don't think about it as something that like not many other places do have. But there probably aren't that many of them, I would think. I don't know.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It doesn't take super. I mean, you can take your time through it, but it's not like it takes hours and hours and hours to get through. So you can like make a nice day trip down to downtown, walk around or go to some of the parks and you can go to the Underground Railroad Museum because there is a lot of cool stuff around it, too.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You like water that can light on fire? Is it still, like, I know that's the thing about the Ohio River, but is it actually still that bad? I don't know.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
So I like, you know, we've heard that for years and years, but I know there's a lot of traffic. There's a lot of barges and things and a lot of like transport that goes on. So it's probably not the cleanest, but I actually don't know how bad it really is.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah. Like it's the Mississippi, the Ohio thing dumps into the Mississippi, right? So it's the Mississippi clean.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
great but are you gonna trust these scientists or are you gonna get on that pontoon and are you gonna start boating what's the opposite of enlightenment because i feel like that's the era we're in in darkenment are you gonna trust science and knowledge and literature and facts
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
do to treat it but if you guys remember we had that big train accident like eastern ohio near pennsylvania and like they had the big chemical spill and they were like oh it's gonna contaminate the water it was tested here in cincinnati and i remember they were like um i mean we put more chemicals in but like we tested before we did that and our chemicals already pretty much neutralized everything so there was never really an issue so whatever they do to treat it apparently they were ready for nuclear waste or whatever the heck got in though i don't know what the spill was but
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We don't have a fridge with a filtered water thing, but we do have one of those filtered water things on our kitchen sink thing. I do sometimes. It's okay. I like the bottled stuff better, but it's not bad.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It didn't hurt me as far as I know So I didn't drink a lot of water like I feel like I always had pop in my hand Like I always had coke or like growing up. I was very bad about drinking just caffeine products So I had to like make myself switch over to start drinking a lot more water and like I don't know if it was like the holding something in my hand like a can or a bottle that helped but like
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Getting a bottle of water has actually helped me break my, like, caffeine habit.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Do you not know where this is going yet, Wade? No, I think I do.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Is it that place that originated in Lebanon, Tennessee? No.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I bet you wish you were a man with five ovens instead of a man with seven air conditioners now, don't you?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Are there still ever events where people have like the GameStop midnight release lines or new console release lines? Is that a thing of the past?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
there is one event i saw that was similar uh kenwood mall had a thing where i don't know if it was a singer or who it was but there was like some celebrity that had like a pop-up clothing line store that was in cincinnati for like a limited time so they opened like a they called it a pop-up store where this person's merch was being sold for like 48 hours or something so people were like crazily in line trying to get in there while we were there one day did you ever wait in line down in clifton by uc for any of the games oh yeah
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Did you have the people dumping water on people from the?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You're going to get raided by SWAT for a render farm.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Hey, are you hiring? You need a... I play video games. You need someone who knows video games. I play at least three.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
like approaching a drug dealer like hey can i be one of your dealers i use your stuff every day can i get an employee discount on these drugs please please just don't do a background check
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You're gonna find seven 3D printers, a server farm, seven AC units, and a bunch of 2D guns.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's always the one security guard who looks like he's relatively chill, but also like he really wants an excuse to tackle somebody at the same time. Oh, he's desperate. He's waiting.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
four or five years it's weird that is always the case you try to get a tv you try to get anything at best buy am i am i off base or is that like that's how stores are now i don't do a lot of shopping so probably i usually get help at the lego store i've gone to the lego store a couple times there's like two employees at the lego store what store lego they actually have been in that lego store every time i go to kenwood i i feel like i need to check it out so i do
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I've got like three Lego sets I still need to build, but before I go there, I'm still like, I gotta go to the Lego store. Yeah, well, you want to have them backed up. It's like, if I'm good while Molly does the actual shopping, I'm allowed to go to the Lego store.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
They have the whole field when you first pull in. I think they tore the skate park down, but there was a skate park. There was the basketball hoops, soccer fields. I guess they had the football field, the whole playground, baseball cages. Well-maintained.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Even when the basketball courts were slammed, it was like there was enough room for everyone to play.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
big deal taste of cincinnati another good one to hit any of that stuff this is technically not cincinnati but i've got to give it a shout out newport in general is honestly like if you're a teenager or like a young adult newport's actually a pretty cool hangout place it's basically cincinnati i mean it is because it's right across the river but it's kentucky no it's not that's cincinnati stuff
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Like so many airports are just like MSP, Minnesota, St. Paul, Cincinnati, CVG. Ah, yes. Super good. Daddy. That's not good.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I've only flown into Columbus like once because obviously why I would, but it's not exactly a big airport or anything, but that's growing up there.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't know that any of ours are. Cincinnati is actually a very small airport. We have two terminals.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Crohn's Conservatory, we have that. Is that the place you guys got married? No, no, that was, yeah, Cincinnati Nature Center, I believe.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Talk about that. Look, I try to confine my ideas to Cincinnati favorites, Cincinnati locations. But it turns out the thing that I think pushed everything over the edge was Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel is great. Love Cracker Barrel. Not Cincinnati exclusive, but we do have one. And it's always been very good. So shout out to Cracker Barrel for really just putting me in the ground today.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It at least originated here and is mostly confined to here.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's so crazy how that works out. You're just like in your moving truck on your way here and you're like, man, Indiana, what a great random place to stop.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Dude, $36,000 a year on power? You're saving so much. My yearly power bill is going to be $36,000.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I understand. I would too if I had a $3,000 power bill.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Okay, I actually bought 13, but I did that thing where you donate like four.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
So last year I went a little overboard, and I had like six boxes of Thin Mints, like five boxes of the, what are they, Do-Si-Dos or whatever they're called? The ones that kind of taste like cinnamon toast or whatever, where they got a little icing on them. I forget what those are called, but they're really good. Molly likes the lemon ones.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I got ones that are kind of just like a sugar cookie this year. But last year I went a little bit too insane. So I toned it down. I only got nine boxes this year, which is still a lot.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Others and the host is the winner, like laying the foundation for you to win.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah, well, okay. This is hopefully... So I've got a meeting Thursday to try to see what we can do to actually get the car. It's not comp, you buy it. Yeah, but they never have, no one has cars on lot anymore. It's all like order.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
If you don't get a car, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again. Listen, I'm going to find one. I'm going to find one. You have found one. You're going to already. Yeah, but they didn't have the one in stock. I test drove a different model that was similar because they didn't have one on the lot. I'm hoping they can find one and actually get it. I guess we'll see.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
hanabi path of exile wade are you sure that and look around you that there isn't a car in a box still in your office somewhere oh that could happen what if all the times we tried to get a lexus they actually did send us one and i just never knew because i'm i'm i'm cardboard blind i can't see cardboard
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm better at cracking jokes during Mark's segment than my own. El Servo was pretty funny.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The number one seeds that everyone thinks are going to win often crumble to pressure. And it's one of the other ones that does win it. So we'll see. Pressure does get the teams eventually.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Did he understand that the higher the number, the worse the seed?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
that's not what he's saying that's not what he's saying at all we rewind we cut to him like actually like mad scientist going through each team's roster like seeing their potential draft status he's like trying to create he's like this is going to be the best bracket we've ever seen and he never put more effort to anything in his life and this is the result well it doesn't bode well for him that who did he pick to win it he picked oh he picked the zags he picked on zagging to win it which is not a completely insane pick but they were an eight seed
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I have a weird like hoarder mentality with the deck where you start with an extra $10. I found myself just like, I can't spend this money. I need to keep getting it up. I need more money. Forget winning. I just need money.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Yeah, we were moving. Two weeks before we were set to close, our fridge broke. So we had to replace the fridge in the house we were leaving. That's kind of sad. That should have been like a precursor. Like that should have given me a hint. But what I was heading to after that was all downhill.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
man here's the problem though if you never spend your money you get to like anti five or six and you've got a base hand it's really hard to win if only money could save you like man i really want this joker but if i spent eight dollars i won't get the times five multiplier i get that voucher a lot of uh being able to reroll the big boss big blind boss blind how do you actually do it you have to do it before you get into the fight or can you do it during or when do you do it yeah you have to do it before you select the boss blind
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Gotcha. Yeah, I had the voucher and I got into the boss fight. I was like, oh, you just wait. I'm about to neuter you. Oh, how do I reroll you now?
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Where'd the button go? Where'd the button go? I was like, ah, man, now that I'm looking you in the eye, I'm about to cut off your balls, boss.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I was talking to my friend Patrick and he said, I think it was Patrick who said he has it on Apple Arcade. And I was like, oh, that's cool. I wish I'd known that. I'm playing on my tablet. I like my tablet more than my phone. I don't know. I feel like a really old person where I'm like, oh man, it's so hard to see things on my phone.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I was like, oh man, one final F you from this house before we go to this great house where I'll never have any issues.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Oh, I'm a level 80 character now. I'm in the end game. I spent 10 hours learning how the trade market works, going to the trade market and completely changing my build by trading stuff and accumulating better gear. What kind of market is it? Like D2? So it is, but you have to like use their, you know, because you don't have to use their website.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
There's like an in-game trade chat, but you can't really use that to find what you're looking for. And you can go there and you can type like willing to buy like WTB and you say what you're willing to buy. But they have an integrated feature on their actual website. You go to path of exile to whatever dot com or whatever the actual thing is.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
And if you click trade, you have to sign into your Path of Exile account. So you have to link like your Steam to their website or, you know, whatever you're playing onto their website. And you go into trade and you can search for other specific item names if they're like uniques. Or you can search for like, I want a rare ring that has these things.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Then a whole bunch of things will pop up and you can limit the search by like, you know, making the feel like I want a higher quality, lower quality. I want to pay this. I don't want to pay any more than this. And you do that per item.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Wait, but the last house had a dishwasher break like a month before we moved. I think more than that happened. Well, yeah, but I'm just saying like every house kind of like Fs me on the way out. But not this house. This house would be great.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
We're getting older. Oh, boy. But also, I don't know, time is just one of those fascinating things that I never really spend a lot of time, no pun intended, on. But, like, time travel, spoilers here, I guess, for the movie Interstellar, but the whole, like, concept of, like, the...
Distractible
Time and Stuff
planet with the big waves or whatever and then like all that time passing or because of the black hole and stuff like that the time dilation time dilation like all that stuff's like fascinating to me but i've never really looked that far into it and then it makes you wonder like okay so time travel into the future is possible is time travel into the past possible i was looking into that at one point and there were um oh god what were the things called cosmic strings and things like this that i'm like okay this is getting way above my pay grade
Distractible
Time and Stuff
But just in general, that whole thing that adults tell you when you're a kid of like, oh, enjoy it now when your summer feels like it's 10 years long. Three months when you're five years old is a lot more of a percentage of your life than three months when you're 30. So it seems like a long time. And now it's like summer. I never even heard of her.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Our content creation careers are basically as long as our grade school years were at this point.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
But thinking like if someone started watching us for some reason, like kindergarten or first grade, they'd be like graduating now. Is that true? 12 years, man.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
are there stands yeah it's like the marathon everyone's like they're watching the race tragically the umbilical cord stretched out and decapitated an entire section of the audience it was oh horrible horrible good thing they were in a hospital though they saved everyone oh it's moments like this that i hate that you have uh was it a fantasia i wish you could visualize the things i'm seeing it's terrible
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Make a joke about crunchy or smooth, okay? Yeah, we say in a jiffy. I didn't know where it came from. Is it an official measurement?
Distractible
Time and Stuff
What were we talking about? Time. Time, man. Crazy. Let me consult my notes here. Oh, time travel stuff.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
To an extent where you think you could ever control it? Like how far back or forward you go?
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Unrelated. Have you seen his commercials recently about like the NFL and eating food?
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I'm just like, ah, shit. But the rest of your office is looking a lot better.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
They're lucky the theater didn't explode from the gas with the explosion in the distance.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Special little like cups you have to wear over your asshole during certain parts of the movie to just in case.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
This is a train wreck of an episode, but I love it. I feel like this is the most classic distractible episode we've had in a while.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
i wrote down all the points i want to be clear about that points were very very hard to get today i set a high threshold so points were hard to earn mark you earned points for not so different you and i i spelled e-y-e and uh cannoli time bob you earned points oh god oh god 3D light? Where is the cream? And theater fart giving you three points.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I have one other note on this page, and it's that I declare myself the one who decides proper order. I think that has to do with last episode.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
You both got and lost points for that. You got points for being funny. You lost points because poor Matthew is really just being put on blasts. He's crying right now.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
There were a lot of points that probably should have been given, but I set the bar really high. It was hard to earn. So, Bob, you win three to two. Part of me wants to challenge just because I feel like he didn't document the points accurately enough. You might think you deserve more points, and that's fine, but I'm the one who grants them.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Are we close? I have no idea. We've been doing this for a long time. I have no idea what it looks like.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
There's a theory from this documentary I was watching called Backdoor Sluts 9 that involves... Interesting theory. Tell me more. Yeah, so if you reverse the cowgirl... Anyway. Go on. I can't. It's finished. Alright, I'm also finished. I wish I could give you points, but unfortunately the document is sealed now. The document is sticky now.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
That's why they call it a sticky note. Bob, please, for the love of God, save us.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Well, that's the episode. Hope you all enjoyed whatever we talked about. If you don't know what we talked about, watch it again. I'm going to go back and watch and see what all happened because I don't remember. And see if you can figure out where those points were earned. There were five of them given today. You can find Mark at Markiplier. Find Bob at MySkirm. Meet me at 777 or LordMillion777.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I don't know if we have merch. I'm going to be honest with you. I've not gone to the website in a long time. Based on my competitors, I'm going to assume the answer is no. We might. The truth is out there. Stay tuned for the next one. Podcast out.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
He's got his little blower. He's walking, blowing the dust, and it just, like, forms a cloud and trails behind him. It really does. Yeah, it doesn't help at all.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
It's probably good that you don't stay up super late, Mark, because like if you watch late night TV, the amount of things you would buy act now, get this and buy another one free.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
There was a while where you would tell us about different things you were trying, and I was like, ah, I should try that. I tried a couple of them, and then the moment I did, you would either move on to something else or go back. So I've given up, and I'm just like, he'll be back. Let's just give him some time.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
Well, you all will never know what I'm referring to, but I will. As always, I'm joined by my co-host, Mark and Bob. Hello. Hello. Hello. For you, it's the future. For us, it's now. That was in the past. What was I? I had a point with that. I don't know, but that was all very correct information. Because, spoiler alert for everyone out there, but for us, this is New Year's Eve. We're recording.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I'm dating this a little bit, but it's probably timely. How was everyone's holiday? Small talk time. How are you guys?
Distractible
Time and Stuff
You'll somehow make money from this. I don't care about my small talk. You guys will never believe what I've been doing. Playing board games, playing video games, eating chicken wings, Path of Exile 2. All right, you guys know exactly what I've been doing. I played some Bellatro. Did you? Did you like it? Yeah, I have. I've not gotten super, super far.
Distractible
Time and Stuff
I've only played a handful of games, but like, man, I had a deck. It was going great. I was scoring like, I don't know, 600,000 a hand or something. Like it was going awesome. And then I came across like that boss that's like, all hearts are debuffed. And of course my hand was all hearts.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
another example what if you and the boys are like man look at our beards but what if bro we all want to be like shaved together bro the group shaving machine is it for you you can have up to a dozen men get shaved at once with the group shaving machine the what are we inventing these ourselves or are we looking up real ones that were
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
If you want to come up with your own terrible inventions, I will listen. We'll call them wild, wacky, and one-usual inventions. One-usual.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Thought you were doing a callback to last episode raising the stink pits at me. No, no, I don't think that worked once.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
When you go to the store and they have the whole banana thing up and it's got this weird feeling as you approach it and you feel a little nauseous afterward, I remember that.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Can I work with you, Bob, to give you a better version of this invention that I think we could make? Uh, sure. There's an invention I thought you were going to bring up that's very related to this called the chain smoker. Oh, look up the chain smoker and just imagine how many umbrellas you could put on this baby. There's just so many.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
It's like the V8 engine of cigarettes. It looks like it holds 20 cigarettes and you can smoke 10 of them at once. So combine that with what you found and that's a lot of umbrellas.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I like it. Because we all knew in like 1960, 1950 that cigarettes were good for you and you needed as many of them as possible. And you definitely don't want stupid things like rain and water to get in the way.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
That was my discovery last episode was recording like solo stuff again. It was like, I used to hate recording solo stuff because I like never, I looked up to like you and Sean and people that could like do stuff and you guys were so creative. Like you'd play these games, you'd have these little bits, you'd come up with this like, dude, I will never be like that.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Well, at least he paved the way for the next parachute, which was the one that worked, right? I don't know about that one. Bob?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
And so I hated doing solo content because I feel like I needed something else to carry someone to be the thorn in the side of. But now going back after all this time, I'm like, it's actually so refreshing doing solo content. Like I'm actually really enjoying it.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I love the idea of a very formal meeting where you're like, I think we can possibly have this job provided to you, but it's going to be costly.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Don't worry guys. I can hear you just fine. Can you hear me? He couldn't make it into the office. He's downstairs. He's two floors down.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Our company merged with a company across the street. We're installing the listening tubes right now so we can be one solid building.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
You get in a relationship with someone who lives like a few blocks away and you start installing your listening tube so you can talk to them throughout the night. It's not a phase, mom! And then the breakup, you have to uninstall your tube really sadly.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Deduct those points. Deduct them. I should. Wait, I've... Oh, yeah, points. I've got my point journal right here.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
All he wanted to do was reach down and grab the remote for him. Little did he know he was the worst inventor of all time.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Those had a lifetime warranty. You were guaranteed to only ever need one.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
some don't viewers uh it's just he looks like he's seen something the lighting on his face that just randomly doesn't cover part of his lip but then covers again i mean that's it's fine it looks like a drawing of him as opposed to yeah it has maybe a drawing vibe or something it's something weird about that there's the lighting is like what does block what shape he's just got a really pointy nose and a really puffy corner of his mouth
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
No, it's the lighting that's wrong. And his hat is crooked. The bill is like crooked.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC. Pre-order now. Printed M for Mature.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
All you youngins out there, Evil Knievel was known as doing some crazy stunts. Don't worry. I'll keep bringing the silly. All right.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I remember going to the range, not the range, Topgolf with you, and you hit ball hard. So I can imagine if you miss and hit ground, you hit ground hard.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
There's an image of one of these when I look for dandy horse. If you just search dandy horse and look at pictures, there's one that's like yellow. Is it the modern one? Yeah, where it goes over the back and has like a strap that goes around your stomach or something.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
He brought it forth and was like, trust me, it works. Who'd you test it on? Oh, let's test it now. Get in. Did he sound like a bull? Yeah, did it work?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Ah, history is funny sometimes. Happy, Wade? Oh, dude, yours are so fun and happy. I know, I know. I made the mistake of looking at images, and there's diagrams, like, cut open where you can see a person inside. One guy looks like he's in a medical gown just lounging, and other guy's, like, completely bound with the flames touching his asshole.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
This is probably the last one, but I guess you can throw in an honorary if you want, like Mark did.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Wastable Wade loves going solo.com, then invites his allies to identify ingenious inventions. Malicious Mark gets back into content creation, talks business, cures impotence, and purrs. Over parachuting Frenchmen. But old Bob's killer balls fuck his wrist. Talks fart tubes. Self-suffocation. And pedal buses.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I got a couple of fun ones to toss out for you all here before we wrap up. Uh, Siamese dancing shoes, two pairs of shoes. Each shoe is physically connected and part of someone else's shoe. So you're always stepping together. Oh, That sounds not like torture to me. Whoever leads fully drags your foot with them.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
They were featured in a spoof Better Living Catalog in 1981, but they're shoes that are connected. But people wanted it after they saw the spoof? I don't know. I think they were invented before, but I don't have a year on that one. The rubber bumper is like a bench with a rubber backing that sits on the front of cars. So that way, if a car hits you, it won't kill you.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
You'll just be sitting on its bench. 1930s invention to help you. Wait, I'm having trouble picturing that one. What is it?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
It's going to take a lot of practice because I remember as a kid, Like I'm talking like seven years old. My dad had a set of clubs that I played. And prior to that, I didn't play at all. After that, I didn't touch a club until Topgolf. And I haven't touched a club again since. So like maybe three days in my life, I've held a golf club.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Oh my God, you would get annihilated. No, no, no. It's fine. It's here to protect you.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
There's the spaghetti aid, which is a fork. It's a long fork with a gear and you wind a wheel that spins the fork for you to get the spaghetti on. So you don't have to manually turn your fork. It spins for you.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
There's the family bicycle that looks like it's five people on one bike with two wheels. Looks great. Yeah.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
That's a thing. Yeah, I've seen that for sure. There are two anti-bandit briefcases. One that releases a smoking chemical vapor if someone tries to grab your briefcase, which probably isn't good to breathe in. The other one automatically drops all the contents of your briefcase out all over the place to make sure that they're not taken.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Before coils were put into like shoes, like gym shoes and stuff like that, there were the spring heels of the 1930s. It's a heel that just has a big coil at the bottom with a flat surface that moans you around. That's obvious. That's moon shoes. Anyway. A whole bunch of fun, wacky, wild, and one usual things. Winventions. Winventions.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Let me go through the points, and I think... Oh, my bonus point will be made things the happiest. Oh, come on.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Let me read the points, and then we can do our wheels. Right now, Mark, you've got... YouTuber returns! Then I've got... To defeat the Dons. Thank you. First... Parachute... Radithor... Bad Tom. I don't know what Bad Tom... I think it was the inventor who did all the bad things. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Oh, right, right, yeah. Heart attack as a supplement to the first parachute. Airplane train.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Conspiracy to... Conspiracy to something. Conspiracy to... Ocean gate. Bad Barrel? Oh, the guy with the barrel that fell.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Brazen Bull and Spelunk, because I couldn't get it to write the ING, so we just have Spelunk. Spelunk? I don't even know what that was for.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Bob, you insist that I take a point away from you for hates solo YouTube. Yep. You got a point for bad golf. You got a couple points for inviting me to golf with you. That was very thoughtful of you. Nice. Rainy day cigarette holder, listening tubes.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
snowball fire isolator helmet dead star of the fire is on here hole flashing pit sun vending diner bring in the fun points powered land ships and then one that looks like oh it's this pedal it's part of the same thing pedal lane hell power land ships man i got multiple points on lots of my contributions i got lots of stuff here
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
You'd be really surprised at how close the score is. Well... Never mind. Don't need to get my coin out. I got one pity point. So right now I'm at one, and I won't tell you your guys' score, but I will tell you it's closer than it sounds based on how much I wrote. Wheel time? Yeah, we gotta do D3, then the big wheel. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
All right, viewers one point, me one point, Mark 12 points, Bob 14 minus one for 13 points. I win? You invited me to golf with you and that was really the two point swing.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I think Wade gets to determine what it's about for sure, but... So if Mark wins, I don't get to go for golf. If he wins, he gets to go twice to golf? So either we're both going, which is what was invited, I go without Mark, or Mark goes twice without me.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
That's right. Okay. These coins are so arbitrary. I forget what meaning they actually have.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Well, I'm so glad that weird part four happened and I got to do weird adventures and you guys didn't screw it up for me. Wacky, wild, and weird.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I don't recall. I remember staring off into the distance, questioning my reality. We were engaging with the topic. Yeah, we were being extra weird. I think it was great, but I pulled this one off as I had planned it, envisioned it, and it's probably not as good as the previous weirds. Well, we'll let the audience decide that, won't we?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Yeah, only the viewers, though, because the listeners didn't get any points.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
It's gonna be a banger. We're giving Mark as much time as possible to re-imperfect.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
He's got all these got dice and sheets and a whole thing and you guys need to make characters pick your attributes I think you need a health. I think you need strength a little bit of cunning. Can't wait to see it mark I'm excited for your fully fleshed out. It's gonna be great We've done everything we can to avoid actually playing D&D, but to make D&D games. More like Shmee and me.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
We don't need it. Oh, I love Shmee and me. Mark, do you want to give your loser speech first?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
The only one I don't know that ended in death that you gave me was Airplane Train. Did that end in death?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Literally everything you gave me was death. Ends in death. I think he did that on purpose, yeah. Do you know that we had considered making a series back in like 2012 whenever Mark and I were like going to like dinner every now and then talking about like a show called Ends in Death where every skit ended in horrible death?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
We thought it was too on the nose. We're like, well, if we give away, everyone's going to know. But also, if they know it's coming, it'll be really funny when they figure out how. Anyway, it was like our five-second film comparison. They're still doing it. They finally went to TikTok, and I love it. Five-second film, they do great things. I'll just, don't move, Kelsey. Forever etched in my mind.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
All right, well, congratulations, you two. You did great. I had a fun time. I hope you did as well. Viewers and listeners, I hope your time was at least okay. We really kind of ping-ponged between fun and death today, which I think is a fantastic pendulum to swing on. That's how you should live your life, honestly. It's not legal advice that we're giving. It's illegal advice.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Don't give away the next episode. If you haven't already, go follow Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MySkirm, me at Minion77 or LordMinion777. Stay tuned for the next episode, where Bob will host and give us a fantabulous experience, I'm sure.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Mark, I gave you a point. I just want you to know later on whenever I say to defeat the Duns.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
From caveman cant to anti-bandit briefs. Yes! It's time for Weird Part 4. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
They're just some company. You just need it to make the Apple Store so you can access the secondary Apple Store so you can buy some AirPods or whatever.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
It's a weird nest of horrible, but I think .org and .gov are basically the same thing now, right?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm today's host, Wade, joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey guys. Hello. Hello. How's things going? Good, good. Is it small talk time? Yeah, I'm just going to skip all the normal info that I dump and we're just going to go right in. That's fair. One of the meat and potatoes today.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
You know what I mean. .com? That's the next big wave. FreshHotBuns.com? I say buns, I meant duns. It was supposed to be a pun. Well, Fresh Hot Buns, too. Whatever. Give yourself a point anyway. It's good enough. Oh, thanks.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Tim, stop making things so difficult on Mark. Let him buy an Apple phone. Tim Apple, we know you watch, listen.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
Well, we're going to get into our episode here then. And I've got a lovely idea that will require a little bit of work from you. But while you boys are starting your efforts, I'm going to give you some examples of things I'm looking for. Throughout the years, there have been some unusual inventions. I think we've talked about some inventions throughout episodes in the past, right?
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
I'm looking for inventions that maybe didn't make the cut or that did and just aren't still around today. I got a couple examples here for you. The first one is called the urban window baby cage. Oh, I love those. It's like a mesh cage. You put it out your window, you plop your baby in there and let it play outside. And I mean it because it is a caged animal.
Distractible
Weird (Part 4)
It's true. You just hang it out the window and baby can come back whenever you want it to. They're softer and more civilized, but they're just fancy cages. And likely you can close the window behind it so you don't have to hear the crying. It's excellent.
Distractible
Definitely Real Things
Hole, hole. Hole, hole. Hole, hole is not one. Hole in the wall. Hole in the wall.