The three founding fathers gather once again to re-evaluate the sacred text that is the "Distractible Constitution." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Well-born Wade the Dino Dude suggests distractible doobies, disengages, and tests his tribunate powers. Magneto Mark abuses caffeine, creates convolution, then defends democracy and magic bowls. Barbarian Bob is Fry the Fiend, refutes his legal cred, suggests extra spins, and slams the subreddit.
From disturbing dentistry to rewritten regulations. Yes! It's time for The Council of Distractible, Part 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
I just realized I'm not sure who does the intro for this. I think last time we all said it at the same time. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another Distractible episode. Your favorite, your best host, Wade. Your dog's favorite place to poop. My name's Bob. I'm Wade. Are we doing the whole thing? No. That's the episode. Thanks for coming, everybody. Podcast out.
If it wasn't clear from the title, which a lot of you might have no idea what that title means, this is Council of Distractible Part 2. We've done this before. We did film the boat episode as required back in June of 2024. It's almost exactly a year ago we did the previous council. It's time to think back. It's time to sort out some business.
Like when the dentist gives you a pop quiz, two of your favorite things at once. Does that happen?
Yeah.
Pop quiz whether you flossed or not. And he knows the answer. He's like, do you need this tooth? I think so. No, you don't! And yanks it out. I think I told that story on this podcast, but that happened to me once. Dental pop quiz? No, the no you don't and then the yoink the tooth out. That sounds familiar. I had a serious problem with the roots of one of my back, one of my molars.
And it got like, just got worse and I kept putting it off. And when I finally went in, they did like an x-ray and the dentist was kind of like, I'm not sure how that thing's still in there. And they literally, like no anesthetic or anything, literally were just like, watch. And I was like, oh, that makes sense, I guess. Did it hurt? Yeah, well, it was hurting the whole time.
So when they did that, it stopped hurting. And I was like, ah. Last time I went to the dentist, which was like a year ago, so I really got to get back there. I didn't have a cavity, but it was like I had some gum issue, right? And they wanted to do a gum graft and to like make sure that you're flossing every day until your appointment. And I did. I flossed every day until my appointment.
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Chapter 2: How does the Distractible Constitution work?
Okay, no.
The listeners and the viewers are separate entities, and they must be treated as such. So only the viewers can win? Either can win, but they don't win collectively, I think is what I'm getting at. I don't know why I'm waving the knife today. It just feels very... This tribunal feels hostile. I'm always hostile. Youth hostile. Is a hostel a hotel or a brothel? Definitely not a brothel. Could it be?
Hopefully not. In your mind? Maybe? In the world? No, I don't think that that would be legal anywhere that that's a thing. Like a candy on your pillow? It's just like a naked person on your pillow? I don't want a random naked person on my pillow. I really don't want that. That might be an experience you could have in a hostel, but also it's not part of the fact that it's a hostel.
Oh, I got crispy Jerry on my pillow. I don't want crispy Jerry on my pillow. Give me some more constitution bits. What do we got? I think boat can be any number of things on or near water. I want to expand boat. Well, I think we already were doing that. I don't think. I know, but that was on that was just on our of our own volition. But I'm just going to write boat can be anything.
We do an episode from the inside of a whale. There's nothing stopping us. But if we were in the Constitution, I think it'll be argued that we must do that. And I don't want to do that. Boat can be anything we all agree is a boat. That's all I want to put in there. How about boat is any vehicle on or near water within a certain amount of distance from water? Within like a hundred yards.
A football field distance away from a... So instead of being in like a pool or a tub or a lake, we're just in a car near it? Yeah. I'm going to put exactly what you said out loud, Mark. A hundred yards. One football field. Within like a football field distance from a body of water. Yeah. I think we should be a football field away from land if counted as being in water.
Okay, that can also be in there. Within a football field away or within a body of water. That also means a shoreline. We should define it by the shoreline. What's the shoreline of a tub? The edge, the ring of scum around the tub is that shoreline. This governing thing is easy. Is this what the founding fathers? A hundred percent.
They were all sitting around drinking Sam Adams, just making stuff up. Was Samuel Adams one of the founding fathers? Yeah, that's why his beer is so popular. What do we need? What does this show need? The show needs more sponsors. All right, I'm going to put that in there. Ooh, put it in the Constitution. Every company in existence has an obligation to buy at least one ad on this podcast.
How do we enforce that? Red flags. what about companies we don't want we're gonna take their money okay good this scene now we're cooking all steel must be d2 uh by all companies is there a minimum like size or it could be like if grandma's crocheting and sells a blanket we're like we gotta make a cut of that that's not a company it has to be a company llc or incorporated
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Chapter 3: What are the funny dentist stories shared?
Because it's not a punishment if I have to do it. All right, what other bonus points do we want to have? Most bald, shortest? That's what I suggested, but Wade shot it down. Who ate the most? Oh, maybe it should be who ate the most on the episode or who ate the least. No, it should be who ate the most to encourage us to maybe sometimes eat a lot during an episode.
Wait, why are you making that face? It benefits you. You're usually the one that's eating. Listen, the problem isn't the wins. The problem is I don't need encouragement to eat. You don't need to change your behavior. It's the same behavior. You don't need to do anything different. I need to change my behavior. All these have benefited you so far.
Molly has finally convinced me that my shirts aren't just shrinking because she hates me. It's the way that Katie is. I believed it was witchcraft for years. Or that she was intentionally shrinking your shirt. She hates my clothes. She's shrinking them. I know that it's a common thing to be like, oh, my clothing shrunk in the washer dryer.
I've never, ever experienced this phenomenon of my clothes suddenly shrinking. That's because they don't make clothes your size, so they're always oversized. When they do shrink, they just finally fit.
You got my real cry to come out, me.
You got my real laugh. All right, fine. Whoever got the loudest in the episode. Caused the biggest laugh. Who had the best joke. That's a good one to have. Who caused the best laugh. Who looks the best that day. I think that fluctuates. Sometimes my hair is just a ramshackle mess. I'm wearing the same shirt. Whoever is the most put together that day.
Should we have a bonus one for the listeners and or viewers so they have a chance of getting a point? What if it's a zero-point episode and only the listeners or viewers get a point? Then they could finally win. If we start interacting more with the subreddit also, that we could give points out for things the subreddit does that are good and not annoying or terrible. Subreddit.
Okay, whoa, hey, easy up. They don't need that. I said that I would fix it and add the other moderators, and I don't think I ever did that because the fire distracted me, so I gotta get back on fixing. Oh, some excuse. I was in the middle of fixing the subreddits. I totally forgot about that. Oh, shit. It's just been on... I guess being on fire is a bad comparison right now.
It's been... It's been fine. It's been fine. Hey, they were very complimentary of our episode with the broken news. That's seven, then. Bonus point for viewers, listeners. Well, those are separate, right? So that'd be one for each. So would that make it eight? Oh yeah. I guess it should be. Oh, they're separate people. That's right. Most on point.
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