Bob
Appearances
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Animal Noises Too
I'm pretty sure that's the opening to an Avenged Sevenfold song, but... No, that's definitely a mule.
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Animal Noises Too
This is actually an old Morgan three-wheeled. It's the original car. It's a one-cylinder engine trying to start. Wait, I know this one. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. I know this one. It's like 88 BPM.
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Animal Noises Too
every time I hear that sentence I think of him oh it's a European swallow no that's what your mother did to me last night Rebecca damn you Connery I think this is yeah I think that's a loon Spot on!
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Animal Noises Too
Last time I failed so miserably, I've been secretly practicing animal noises quite a lot in my free time.
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Animal Noises Too
I think I know this one, too. Oh, yes, the AR-15. What the fuck? What the hell? No, no, yeah. I think I know what that is.
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Animal Noises Too
No, that's not the animal I was thinking. I was thinking it was, it was mimicking like human sounds. Like it was mimicking like forestry where, cause there's bird, there are birds that can like mimic whatever sound that here, right? That's I've actually seen a shoe bill before.
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Animal Noises Too
Yeah, no, it's hilarious because it looks like a prairie dog, if you don't know, for the listeners. They open their mouth like they're screaming when they make this noise. They really do. They're all... I did a quick Google, and I'm finding, yes, marmots and prairie dogs are fairly related. They both belong to the scuridae family, which includes squirrels, ground squirrels.
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Animal Noises Too
However, they belong to different... Lemurs? Different genera. Marmota for marmots and cinnomies for prairie dogs. They share similarities. They're rodents.
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Animal Noises Too
I thought I was going to say that and you were going to be like, it's a bat.
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Animal Noises Too
I want the pitch. I want to match it. Can we harmonize? Fucking turning into the Matrix over here. Ah! I gotta be honest, I was just gonna whistle. Yeah. But that's not the same quality. It honestly sounds like his normal speaking voice is a lot lower. And he was like, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, look! Look how high I can sing! Ah!
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Animal Noises Too
Wait, I know this one. I know this one. This is actually, it's misleading because it's edited. That is cut three minutes into a video that started with Tyler laughing. And then it progresses and progresses. And if you drop the needle three-ish minutes in, that's actually the sound of Tyler almost dying from laughing.
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Animal Noises Too
. . . . .. a, P P P P P P P P P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a Laboratory a
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Animal Noises Too
I have also done that, and it's always surprising when you do it, and then it turns out and it's bread, and you're like... Oh, I've also fucked up some breads really good, so it is possible to fuck them up real good.
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Animal Noises Too
It's a music fraternity. And we sold grilled cheese every Wednesday at lunch in CCM in the big, I don't know, entry, whatever the fuck it's called, atrium. And I was in charge of that for like two years. And I took it from...
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Animal Noises Too
thing where it was like the night before one of the dudes would go to Kroger and get some bread and some country crock and some cheese and they would sell it to where I had like a journal of like I kept accounting and I kept and we did specials where I got special bread and special cheese and you could get a dollar for a plain grilled cheese or like a few bucks for like a fancy grilled cheese.
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Animal Noises Too
We added tomato soup at some point. That was a big seller. You could add on a little cup of tomato soup for 50 cents with your grilled sheet. It was a whole thing. I turned that bitch into a profitable enterprise. I was going, I was buying eight, 10 loaves of bread, the whole like gallon of country crock, piles of cheese, all this stuff.
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Animal Noises Too
Yeah, well, they really tried to kill it off. When I took it over, we used to do it in like the atrium entryway of CCM, which was like this big open space. It was really cool. There's just a counter there. And we just plugged in an electric griddle. And they were like, oh, you can't do that.
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Animal Noises Too
I mean, I'm I'm pretty sure that there's a distinction between like setting up a restaurant and like kids are allowed to have lemonade stands on the side of the road. I'm not saying this is exactly the same thing.
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Animal Noises Too
But there's something in between you're not allowed to ever sell any food and you have to be a licensed, regulated, health inspected restaurant where it's like you're allowed to sell like a lemonade stand or like cookies.
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Animal Noises Too
We made like 40 cents a grilled cheese or something. And on the expensive ones, we made a much better margin. But that was just savvy business.
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Illegal Advice Too
I guess my thing is there's a lot of words I don't remember. We just use a different word.
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Illegal Advice Too
All right. This one, this approach requires a quick snap decision. I'm not saying you'll never get it wrong, but I am saying you have to be really thoughtful because what you want to do, if you reach the point of like service is too long or Clearly your waiter is, is distracted or something has happened, whatever. What you do is you don't leave. You're still going to eat.
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Illegal Advice Too
You're already at the restaurant. And like, it's, it would take so long to get somewhere. It's not like you're going to save time going somewhere else. But if you want to speed up, you go out, step out, excuse yourself, go out to the car. Grab your eight ball of cocaine that you keep in the car purely for planting evidence purposes.
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Illegal Advice Too
Go back inside, ask an employee where the bathroom is and look kind of lost and wander your way back to the employee locker room. You notice the name on the waiter's name tag before all of this started. So find the locker that has their name on it. Stick that in there. Go back to your table. Get the manager's attention.
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Illegal Advice Too
Let them know that you saw some white powder or substance or something on a waiter's nose and you have some concerns. They're behaving erratically, whatever. Cops will be there in 10 minutes. You'll get a new waiter. Service will be impeccable.
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Illegal Advice Too
The manager will see to it that you get everything you want so that you don't do anything crazy and talk about their coked up waiter who wouldn't bring you your drinks and appetizers. I believe it would work.
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Illegal Advice Too
I honestly don't know. I know that term from like crime procedural crime drama TV shows. I assume an eight ball is either eight ounces or yeah, or magic eight ball size.
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Illegal Advice Too
That must be how much a eight ball at a billiard set weighs. 3.5 ounces. That's probably right.
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Illegal Advice Too
What accent was that? Were you trying to be like a mobster or something?
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Illegal Advice Too
I think I figured out where it is. Oh, okay. Well, bonus points if you got it. It's Chuck E. Cheese. No. No, isn't that Olive Garden slogan? It is Olive Garden.
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Illegal Advice Too
Say they hadn't seen Edward Burback's video about Olive Garden? I don't know.
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Illegal Advice Too
I got another option mine involves okay in this universe you're close personal friends with Vin Diesel you call Vin you tell him you're at a restaurant where they claim that when you're here you're family and then he gets outraged for you and Vin Diesel comes into the Olive Garden and just starts shouting at everyone it's about family and then they're all like Vin Diesel and your service is actually way worse but Vin Diesel's there
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Illegal Advice Too
All right, what you do is you reach into the novelty pumpkin Halloween candy container that you use as a purse, and you pull out cans of SpaghettiOs that you always carry with you just in case, and then since it's Italian food, nobody notices, and you just eat cold SpaghettiOs right out of the can because you're family.
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Illegal Advice Too
So you move the restaurant secretly to... No, just their fuck time. All right. This Olive Garden is on the moon. You're inside where nobody has space suits on. You look at your waiter when you finally get her attention and you say, Hey, excuse me. I think one of our party is outside trying to find the entrance. Would you mind peeking out the door and letting them know how to enter the restaurant?
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Illegal Advice Too
It's warm out now, and that's really fun for James because it means we get to go back to the playgrounds and stuff. And we did that yesterday, and he had a hell of a time. Before it got cold when we were going to the playgrounds like the end of last summer, he was walking, but he was small enough that it was kind of like we had to chase him around, basically.
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Illegal Advice Too
And without thinking, they go to the door and crack it open to peek out. But they don't have a space suit on. And they get sucked out into space and they freeze to death on the surface of the moon. And then you get spaghetti from someone else.
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Illegal Advice Too
Does any of that solve your problem? All of them solve it. All of them solve it.
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Illegal Advice Too
You're in the peach in the Claymation movie, James and the Giant Peach. You're the spider. James is the waiter.
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Illegal Advice Too
Yeah, that's not a positive. That's just them pretending that something shitty is actually a positive. You get to pick your own seat. You don't get to sit with your party. You get to pick your own separate seats. They're all middle seats.
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Illegal Advice Too
This makes me so angry. I don't understand what happens to people, but the solution is easy. It helps if you've been on a longer trip, but you can actually start preparing before your trip if it's a short trip. What you're going to want to do... is not shower or in any way bathe or wash yourself for a minimum of eight days in a row prior to having to stand and wait at baggage claim.
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Illegal Advice Too
Cause at any moment he might just like fall off an edge or do something crazy. And so we would, and he's like really independent now, which is awesome. But I forgot one important fact about the playground that we take him to a lot. It's like one of those old school, like wooden castle style playgrounds. Super fun. There's an area with a really fun slide.
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Illegal Advice Too
But basically, you want a pig pen-esque visible cloud of stank that not only smells so bad that people want to stay away from you, but creates an actual physical barrier where if people try to get close to you and they try and enter your area, it's like they're caught in a miniature tornado and little splinters and debris get lodged in their skin if they stay in it for too long.
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Illegal Advice Too
It's like a supernatural force field of stank. And I think you'll find you'll have lots of space in a number of different scenarios if you just prepare for your trips in this manner. And if it's a long trip, you can go, you can start your trip fully washed and then just make sure you lead up to the... Because when you're going somewhere and you have to do the baggage claim thing...
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Illegal Advice Too
It's still stupid. But when you're getting home from a trip and you're like, oh, just let's get to the car and fucking the airport. That's the one where you really can't stomach the morons who push your three feet away from the thing. You're at the absolute minimum distance where you're like, I'm respecting the boundary, but I'm claiming my. And there's still some asshole who's like, excuse me.
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Illegal Advice Too
Excuse me. The douchebag walk. Excuse me. It's not illegal even. You're totally welcome to do that. Like, you can't. What are they going to do? Arrest you? They can't. Can't get in the force field.
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Illegal Advice Too
Yeah, no, it's like, it's like the princess. What's that? The princess bride. You slowly build up your resistance to Iocane powder, but it's not Iocane. It's stink juice.
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Illegal Advice Too
This is a complete aside and not related to what we're talking about, but can I just put this out there?
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Illegal Advice Too
Is there a greater joy in life than coming across a video on the internet of a person in one of those inflatable suits where there's a fan constantly sucking air into the suit to keep it, like, inflated and puffy, and someone comes up behind them with a little bottle of fart spray and just hits them with the old... And then the person in the suit is just like...
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Illegal Advice Too
Is there anything funnier than that? Like I know that there is, but when I, cause those always come out of nowhere, you'll be online. And then it's like, there's just a video of a guy in a Barney suit or something. And then that's the fart spray happens. And you're just like, Oh, I needed that.
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Illegal Advice Too
And he was, I was letting him climb up on his own and go up there to go on the slide. But right next to the slide, they made this feature where it's like tractor tires stacked up. And the middle of the tractor tires is a hole down all the way to the ground. And you're, it's meant for kids to like climb down the tires, like their ladders.
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Illegal Advice Too
It's a really big roll of travel sandpaper. It takes up a lot of space.
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Illegal Advice Too
I started relative. I thought we were going to- You got more? So you've got your carbon fiber retractable Assassin's Creed sleeve blade. Right? Yeah. And they push by you. You wait until you see their bag coming. And you just stand there and you blend in with the crowd, like in the games. And when the nuns start to get confused why you're walking around with them when you're clearly not one.
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Illegal Advice Too
And as you see your nemesis eye their bag because you can tell there's a thing that happens when the bag comes out and around and the person is like and they like prepare their body to grab the bag you get up right behind them just outside of the range where they could send you real close and right as they're about to reach for the bag right through their hand oh through their hand Yeah.
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Illegal Advice Too
Like intercept the grab right through their hand. Retract the blade. Walk away. Back to the nuns. Go climb into a wagon full of hay.
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Illegal Advice Too
And then there's like some chains and like it's for climbing, but James is not tall enough or coordinated enough to climb on something like that. So I let him go up there and then he, he got to the slide and he was like, slide, slide,
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Illegal Advice Too
big tires and i was like what do you mean big tires because it's like up on the second level and i'm like what big tire and he went and he just like leaned over the hole and i was just like i forgot that was there oh and i ran and dove under the bottom of it and was like face up under the hole and i was like got on a slide and he just looked at me for a second it was like Oh yeah. Slide.
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Illegal Advice Too
All right. I won't jump down the suicide hole yet. Like it was the one because when we got to the playground, I was like, all right, let's see how this goes. And he started climbing on his own. And I was like, this is cool. He's so he's having so much fun. And then he was like, I'm going to go on the slide and started climbing up. And I was like, oh man, big tires. Like, whoa, fucking shit.
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Illegal Advice Too
Why did they put a jump hole in this play set? God. Anyway, he's fine. And he went down the slide about 20 times. He would just, but like half of the times I continue to let him go up on his own. And like half the times he'd get up there and be like, big tutters. And I had to be like, we're going on the slide, buddy. Remember the slide. Yeah. But anyway, it was super fun.
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Illegal Advice Too
. . . . . . . . . . . in P a And so Justin Long goes out to his like mansion place and is like interviewing him. But he's kind of an asshole. And then the guy does the walrus stuff. Is that what you do to the people? Basically, you tusk them. Yeah. But actually, they become two meerkats, but not so cute because big and, you know, patchy.
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Illegal Advice Too
And only twice did I almost think he was about to break his entire self, jumping down a big hole for no reason onto hard ground below. Also, he threw a lady her cell phone. That wasn't really funny. This poor mom was chasing her kid around who was more in the needs adult supervision, very directly staged still, younger than James.
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Illegal Advice Too
I'm killing it. Mark usually only gives out, like, a handful of points.
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Illegal Advice Too
and i added for you mark i added had the best time right that's great that's great good thank you for that
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Illegal Advice Too
Oh shit. That's a tough one for this episode. Who got the biggest laugh?
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Illegal Advice Too
I mean, I'm not, yeah, I feel like it's pretty balanced, actually. It's your discretion, Mark. I laughed a lot at Wade's stuff, so.
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Illegal Advice Too
And she like went down the slide in front of James, like frantically like, ah, where'd you go, baby? And her phone fell out of her pocket on the top of the slide. And James is just sitting there with this stranger's phone in his hands, just like, hmm.
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Illegal Advice Too
I don't know if there's going to be a debate if it's baldest. That's trouble for Mark. Well, that's a point for the viewers there.
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Illegal Advice Too
I love these episodes. I can never tell when they're starting off if stuff is just going to be unhinged and weird or unhinged and funny. But consistently, Wade will say or do something that will get me in the right mindset to just completely go off the rails and say the craziest shit I can think of. And I honestly think if it was not for Wade, I wouldn't have won this one.
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Illegal Advice Too
But I did win it, and it's my win, and I'm keeping it. Okay, fair enough.
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Illegal Advice Too
mine now and she's at the bottom of the slide like give me my phone baby give me my and he like contemplated and everybody eventually he was like oh okay and tossed it down the slide and it was very nice but i thought i was about to have to go wrangle my son from stealing a stranger's cell phone at the playground i thought you're going to be like oh you found us a new phone thanks baby and then like leave with it now james ask for money for this oh yeah
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Illegal Advice Too
But I'm so excited. It's going to be a great playground year for this man. He's about to have a lot of near-death experiences that make me shit my pants only a little bit. Big tires. Big tires? Big tires. So that's my day.
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Illegal Advice Too
Compared to you guys, I'm like the Stephen Hawking of parenthood. That's probably true, yeah. Or the LeBron James of parenthood. Just slam dunking that baby.
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Illegal Advice Too
I don't know if we actually ever said that out loud in an episode or not.
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Illegal Advice Too
We're posted way to address in the comments of this video. Go just stake out a big circle around his whole property.
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Illegal Advice Too
Here's a little patch of what sounds like white noise. But if you analyze it correctly, it's actually contains a lot of personal information, including his address.
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Illegal Advice Too
That's the thing, yeah. Haunting blinds is where you wake up in a tree or a little tent on the ground and you wait in there. I've never been hunting, can you tell? I haven't either, but I've played hunting video games, so I'm familiar.
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Illegal Advice Too
Yeah, if you hit exactly in the right spot, it could take out anything.
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Illegal Advice Too
Oh, Ethan wasn't even offensive, but Tyler in France was a whole special kind of fun.
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Illegal Advice Too
I don't know what he's saying. That must be some weird American bit. Nah, they don't know they're in Europe yet.
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Illegal Advice Too
I feel like a lot of stuff you could be like, yeah, it does this. I don't know that mosquitoes do anything valuable whatsoever. They just pass around communicable bloodborne diseases.
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Illegal Advice Too
Is that a real restaurant? Casa Bonita, Casa Bonita. It is a real place, but it's a South Park joke.
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Illegal Advice Too
Is my camera in like two frames per second or am I losing my fucking mind?
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When Was That Again?
heirloom i told you passed down from generations it's yours now and you'll pass it on to those who come after you i hope that thing is no longer in the family i'm gonna get like an fbi array like we have one of those grinders you hope the heirloom has been removed from your family that's not right that's messed up it was passed down from one generation of drug addicts to the next
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When Was That Again?
I wish. A2. That's such a higher letter. I know. Why would I go for D2 when A2 exists?
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When Was That Again?
Anyway, that's all I got. I'm looking at a list here and I don't see A2 even listed. Knife steel popularity index. We have the CPM-S35VN is the most popular followed by D2. I don't know if popularity is what you really want. The most popular knife is the mass produced Gerber, whatever blade that they sell at every hardware store in the face of the planet. Most popular doesn't mean most goodest.
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When Was That Again?
If anything, you want one of the sort of least popular because that's probably mean it's cool. That's why I got the knife. I did. It was cheap. Anyway, I have a topic for today's episode. I'm pretty excited about it, but also it involves me doing a lot of readings. I'm a little concerned about that. So if I say anything incorrect, don't judge me. I just really need your guys' help.
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When Was That Again?
It's going to be kind of, what's that show? Bob Barker? What's that show? It's kind of Price is Right rules going on here.
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When Was That Again?
That's the name of the episode. I have a list of things that have happened. Pop culture, inventions, whatever. Stuff that's happened in the 20th and 21st centuries. Stuff we generally should be aware of as people, probably. It's not like a quiz to see how crazy the things are. I just need to know when that happened. Specifically, in which year that happened.
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When Was That Again?
So we have a 1 in 25 chance for each of these, right? Or did you say 20th century as well? 20th and 21st century. Ah, my selective hearing only heard 21st. Excellent. I've got a good shot. Oh, wait. If you only guess within the 21st century, that'll probably help Mark a lot.
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When Was That Again?
probably well it's like me trying to stay in russia whenever we were playing that other game that's true i don't know how many times i told you it was all in the u.s yep put me in guam oh that was funny i love that short yeah but anyway just just tell me the year honestly it's just whoever's closest i don't care you can go over under it that's not actually price is right rule so i don't give a shit
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When Was That Again?
We'll start with one that we probably all three maybe know, maybe. And Mark's going to go first as his reward for having to do the one man show. So it'll be alternating who gets first crack. So there's no buzzing or any of that shit. I'm ready. The Nintendo NES system. Oh, the Nintendo Entertainment System. The NES launches in North America, revitalizing and innovating the video game industry.
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When Was That Again?
That's an interesting guess. That's not exactly correct, no. All right, okay, all right. Okay, so my instinct here was to say 1986 before you said anything, but now I feel like I'm giving you the, like, you one-upped me if it came later, but I guess I'd be one-upping you if it came earlier.
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When Was That Again?
Did you get the goop off successfully? I did. And guess what? It got three shots off in a row before it jammed. So now it only jams everything. Well, now you can defend yourself three times from a squirrel. 300% 200% improvement, Mark. That's a huge improvement.
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When Was That Again?
oh is this price of rights rule did i miss something about that no no i said it's not it's it's closest to the closest to the number there's no over and under you're good you're good but my gut instinct was to say 1986 before you answered and you said 87 i was like you can take it you can take it i don't know if i feel like maybe it's more recent than 86 but i don't i don't know i was not a nintendo guy i was a i was a sega i was a dapper dan man fuck it i'll say 86
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When Was That Again?
Man, I really thought you were going to steal it away from your own self. It was 1985. Wade wins the point. Oh, hey! There he is. You tried really hard to give that point to Mark. I respect it. I really thought it was actually 86 or 87. Like, I thought Mark, I was like, I think Mark might actually have the exact year.
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When Was That Again?
And that was specifically released in North America because it came out before that. Wasn't that before TVs even? Ha ha ha. all right when you're next what year was lego patented oh oh oh legos lego lego my ego uh you know first legos came out oh man they were to distract kids from the nuclear bombs so 1944
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When Was That Again?
It was just in case we had nuclear war. That's not exactly correct. I'm only going to give you the first answer, the point, if they immediately get it dead on the nose. So what's your guess, Mark? Repeat the question. What year was Lego patented?
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When Was That Again?
But plastic wasn't made until they started pulling oil out of the ground. So it was probably part of the Industrial Revolution. I'm going to say 1924. It was 1958. Shit. Ah, it was the Cold War nuclear fear, not the World War II nuclear fear. Of course. Oh, I forgot about the nukes. Was that part of the clue, or was that part of your answer? I can't remember who said the nukes.
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When Was That Again?
That was just shit that Wade said. That wasn't a thing. Oh, okay. God, I forgot about the nukes. I forgot about the nukes. God, how could I forget about the nukes? All right, we all know this one. We all know this one. But I don't know if we know know this one. What year did the platform YouTube launch on the internet? We all spend a lot of time on this website.
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When Was That Again?
Mark gets to put right off the bat. I will also guess 2005. Yeah, and it started as a dating site. I always forget that, but that is actually true, isn't it? YouTube? MeTube? What? Yeah. YouTube. WeTube. Sex?
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When Was That Again?
It was like a video dating site, right? But then they realized that the platform they had for video playing on the internet was... Which is crazy. I mean, I haven't checked the dating apps lately, but are there videos on those things? Why wouldn't there be? I can think of a few reasons why I wouldn't want to see them.
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When Was That Again?
I mean, there'd have to be like rules about that and stuff, but... The same rules as the pictures, but it's like, why wouldn't there be... Honestly, probably because you have to actually show yourself talking in a not an opposed and potentially photoshopped picture. Hello, future potential spouse. My name is Richard. And this is Dick. Okay.
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When Was That Again?
Is that music or the sound of your dick hitting the fan in front of you on the floor? They happen simultaneously. In time with the music, this fan is going to show you how much my dick can take.
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When Was That Again?
YouTube. That's the invention of YouTube. There you go. All right, Wade. That was very high tech, which is not really your speed. I'm going to give you a low tech. Thanks, man. But it's a fun toy. It's fun. I think you love these probably. What year was the Slinky invented? Providing endless entertainment for children around the world.
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When Was That Again?
Well, I'm going to give a little bit of a spoiler here, which will help my opponent. But I know the Slinky came out before Ace Ventura 2 because he had it going down the stairs.
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When Was That Again?
Which means it was pre-2000. That's correct. You are dead on there. So I've got a 1 in 100 chance of just nailing this. The Slinky really feels like an invention straight out of 1936.
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When Was That Again?
man the simulation really heard what you said and wanted to make sure you got the message back yeah i really wanted random chance it said you're gonna have the same number twice in a row baby wonder what the odds are of that you can't lose twice yep that's wrong actually you can lose twice it was invented in 1943 the slinky was invented to distract the kids from the nukes clearly damn it
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When Was That Again?
I always get my slinkies and Legos confused. No, wait, you're right, though. You are right. Yeah, wait, you get the point. You were closer. It just felt like a boring old people toy. So it had to be before everyone had teeth.
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When Was That Again?
The kids were done working in the warehouse. They're like, all I've got is this busted spring. I was trying to invent a mine that sprung up out of the ground once it was triggered, but it's so floppy. Looks like it'd fall all the way down the whole stairs. Wait a minute.
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When Was That Again?
no well that's the date that was recorded it's not really it's not i think i use the same system that you use mark because i learned what's the lore 250102 the headliners what do those numbers mean have you guys seen the inspiration section on youtube of your youtube studio Of the what is that?
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When Was That Again?
wait where the fuck where'd you see that so go under content under under when you're looking at your studio go under content it's one of the tabs there i've got anamorphic through fast food i goo golf sub terror kletka escape room edition human fall flat the headliners hike it's time to try starting with terror Oh no, apparently only one thing is successful on my channel.
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When Was That Again?
My ideas are Ultimate Prop Hunt, the best of the best. The history of Prop Hunt, a deep dive. The science of Prop Hunt, why it works. Prop Hunt, the ultimate guide to winning. And Prop Hunt. I was mistaken. I goo? Question mark is supposed to be I go. Because the thumbnail says the I go challenge. Ah. Where when I play golf, I go. I really like the AI generated thumbnails.
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When Was That Again?
They have words in them and they're really close. But also they're still AI generated words. My fast food simulator that has Animorphs in the tile, the image is just like a demon goblin with a crown. And it just says fast food simulator on top of it. By the way, for the listeners who are currently having a conniption, nothing is being shown. Yeah, we're not showing this. This is our private ideas.
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You guys can't have them. Yeah, you can't see. This actually gives you a whole outline of a video? What the even shit is this?
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I want to make a channel that is just me taking these exact ideas and thumbnails and just reading them out and putting it and see how AI does. We got to do our best to recreate each of these ideas to a T. I think this might be the future. If Quibble Cop taught us anything, it's that everyone wants creators to be more AI driven. Yes! Yes! Oh, here's my Animorph fast food titles.
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morphed and hungry fast food simulator there's a picture of like a wolf diving through the air with a cheeseburger if you actually click on each of the ideas it'll show you thumbnails sure sure sure anyway bob did we get the year right or whatever's happening oh yeah sorry slinky 1943 wade was correct that's the last one we did right yes and then i had to get my video public and we're all good now we got a little distracted there
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you guys should all go watch distractible i remember to plug it this time yeah we gotta make sure we include this hey if you're not watching distractible you don't know where or what you are right now true words have never been said all right mark you love space i don't like this this is the same setup as last episode I almost just read the year out loud, so I almost just got a freebie.
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Finish this horror story, Mark. What year did Neil Armstrong walk on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission?
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all right yeah see you just gotta summon your ancestors and speak to them in the clouds you're like lion king 1990 and what was that 1992 93 then we go back to 1969 all right yeah mark was just goofing around yeah i goof that is the correct year right that's on yeah that's on the dot that's correct one of these days i'll get one i actually know whenever it's my turn
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Oh, he's starting the unfair thing. He's going to go to the subreddit soon.
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I don't think it's unfair. It's just unfortunate. All right, wait, I'll do a really modern one for you. Oh, that's the worst. How is that the worst? I don't know, but I just feel like it would be, you know, stuff, you know, modern things. All right. All right. Hit me. Hit me. All right, buddy.
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When Was That Again?
what year did despacito become the most watched youtube video of all time youtube again our job our livelihoods center around this platform we know we know these sorts of things okay so it's whenever it became the most watched video of all time not what it necessarily came out i even gave you a hint this is a modern era happening I understand. Alexa, play Despacito.
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That was such a big thing, and it was just a little while ago. It became the most watched video in the year of our Lord 2021. All right. That is not exactly correct. Mark, it's a chance to steal.
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When Was That Again?
Mark gets the point. It was 2017. Oh, fuck. I thought too much about it becoming the most popular rather than just... How many views does it have? Apparently, the current most watched YouTube video is the Baby Shark dance by Big Fong with 14 billion. But Despacito was overtaken by Baby Shark in 2020. And it currently sits at about 8.5 billion views or something like that. How does Despacito go?
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i don't know any of the words i just know the despacito part that's tragic alexa play despacito
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When Was That Again?
I got no shot with Spanish. Anyway, I tried to cheat for you, Wade. Hey, you know, I took a shot. I'll give you one I think you could steal really well. What year was the Tickle Me Elmo released for the holiday season causing shopping frenzies?
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When Was That Again?
You're right, it does. It really tightens that down. None to be found until December 26th when there'll be millions around of Tickle Me Elmo. What are you doing? The song, Tickle Me Elmo. That can't be it. That cannot be it. No, you can't say that. You can't say that like we all know this. What is that song from? That Weird Al? Let me look it up. Tickle Me Elmo song.
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When Was That Again?
Are we waiting for him to look it up? I think it's a Weird Al song, yeah. He's looking up the year of Tickle Me Elmo. I am not looking up the year of Tickle Me Elmo. He's cheating. He's cheating. He's cheating. I will close the tab. I was just looking up Weird Al Tickle Me Elmo song.
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When Was That Again?
That's not exactly correct. Wait for the steal. Okay. I'm pretty sure when we were doing the episode, we didn't start the fire. Pickle me. Elmo was one of the things I had on the list. And I'm pretty sure I had it on the list before we started talking. And I think I stopped in the late 90s. So I think it was late 90s. I'm going to go with 1996.
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When Was That Again?
are you sure about that it's a pre-911 toy i think so yeah i'm gonna say 1996 and wade gets the point it is from 1996 god damn is it actually 96 yes it is i was like i was so i was like oh it's gotta be 97 the way bob's like are you sure i should switch 97 sure about that bud i don't like you're sure about that okay now can i go back and look up the weird alpha Yeah, I guess. Yeah, fine.
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All right, Mark. Oh, wait, you don't get to go first. You shut your face, Wade. Yeah. We like treaties on this podcast, especially when Bob's in the mood to do a quiz show for some reason all the time these days. The Treaty of Versailles, which ended World War I and redrew European borders. What year did they do that? What year did they sign the Treaty of Versailles? Yeah. What year was that?
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When Was That Again?
When was that again? 1918. Not exactly spot on, Mark. It's a chance to steal. No, that was the year of that movie.
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When Was That Again?
I'm waiting for Gilbert Gottfried, like you fall to happen where like you actually need a coating on the bullets because otherwise it causes some kind of horrible friction that damages the barrel. I lubed them. Oh, you re-lubed them? I re-lubed them. I forgot to tell you about that. The last Tupperware, instead of cleaner, I put lube. Gun lube.
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When Was That Again?
Mark sneaks it in with the steal. The Treaty of Versailles was signed in 1919. Yeah! See, if you'd have known your movies, you would have known they were still shooting. I'm still stuck on Tickle Me Elmo. Mark, you are a filmmaker. You know lots of things about film things. Yes. What year was the first talkie film The Jazz Singer released?
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First treaty, then jazz singer priorities. All right. That is not exactly correct. Yeah.
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wade gets a chance to steal all right uh can you re-ask the question now that i'm not listening to weird al in my ears yeah sure welcome back the first talkie film the jazz singer what year was that released this is the first movie that has talking like like voices and not just music played by like a player piano as the movie itself plays or whatever oh this was 1932 1932
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Oh, that's embarrassing for the self-made filmmaker. Wade gets the point for the first talkie. It's 1927.
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vow of silence for the 30s for sure they went with uh charles chapman that's not his name never mind char yeah no that's old charles that's what they called him you know chucky chapman oh yeah you know he's actually the guy who invented chucky cheese the mouse is actually styled after him isn't it like chaplin it's not even chapman it's chaplin isn't it charlie chaplin yeah chapman chaplin whatever
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Wade, you love the classics, and this is an American classic. It's another film, though Mark has a shot at this one, but you love this sort of shit. What year did E.T., the extraterrestrial, come out and become a global phenomenon? Oh, I'm just trying to figure out, was E.T. prior to Star Wars or after Star Wars? There's a lot of Star Wars. You have to be more specific. The first one.
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The first one came out in the 2000s or something. It was like 98 or something. Yeah, Phantom Menace. E.T. E.T. E.T. came out and touched the hearts of tens of people that were alive back then in 1976. 1976.
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So in a few weeks, they're all going to be sticky again. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, you got two weeks to fire them before the lube expires, then you got to redo it. Yeah, you're right.
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It just felt like the technology was kind of around there, I think. Are there VFX in there? Well, it's practical. It's a puppet and a real alien in combination. It's all practical. The bikes were actually rigged up with jets. They were actually solid rocket boosters, so they had to get it in one shot because everyone died. Yeah, ropes and strings weren't invented yet, but we had rocket boosters.
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When Was That Again?
They didn't have cranes over 30 feet tall until the 90s. They had to get tall man's shoes cranes. That was possibly the fairest one yet. A thing Mark knew not a single thing about and yet somehow got exactly right and a thing Wade seemed to know a lot about except for the actual piece of information he needed. It just felt a little pre-Star Wars to me, but it was not. It was not indeed. Mark. Hmm.
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I didn't see the movie Social Network either. It's worth watching. It's a pretty good, it's an okay movie. It's pretty good.
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The Dusseldorf twins are really hot. The who? What are those guys called? The Rowe, the Harvard, the Brumblebacks. Oh, Brumbleback Mountain. Nah, that's different. These are the twins, the googly eye twins. I can't remember their actual name. Hans and Franz. Yeah, they were here to pump us up. That's right.
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So I think it was like 2005 that I wanted to make a Facebook account because I think originally we had to be in college. Yeah, you'd have like a college.edu email address. But like in high school, we were like, we just pretend to go to college and we get in right away. That's so cool.
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That was like sophomore or junior year of high school, which means that it was around before that used by college, which means it was invented even before that. He's using logic.
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so like the obvious thing for me to do would be say 2003 because it's like i just cut mark off by one but i think i'm gonna be stupid and say 2001 because that's the year my brain tells me it was made okay so you sound sad about is that your official guess yes and mark gets the point it was 2004 oh You talked yourself out of that one for sure. I know. Wow. I was like, okay, maybe it was invented.
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I'd be kind of terrifying to see like a bullet condom flying through the air. Like you can see it. Yeah. It's like Twinkies. You go to the range and you're like, oh, I got to load these up. Like plastic. Each one is individually plastic wrapped.
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When Was That Again?
40 on the dot. Oh, that's way older than us. He's already got some gray hairs. I don't see any. You can't have gray hairs if you don't have any. Am I right? Get from being a lizard. God damn it. Yeah, we're going to do one more so that Wade gets one more shot at going first here. And not for nothing and not for any particular reason, but I would say this one's worth double points for no reason.
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When Was That Again?
Oh, right. That thing that I haven't made yet. I knew there was something about the Constitution I was fucking forgetting. Our three wheels. Yeah, the series of wheels we need to make up and then implement. All right, that'll take. All right, I'm going to pick one that none of us know for sure, but I know because it's in front of me.
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When Was That Again?
Locking that in. Mark, you do get a chance to steal on that. This is when the patent was put out. The first patent for a fully automatic washing machine. Because a lot of old marketing was like women is the home. They kept on the home while men were at war stuff, right? That was like the 1950s thing. So I'm pretty confident 1951. I think that this is because this key thing here is a patent.
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When Was That Again?
And I'm pretty sure the patent probably had a general patent. Yes. Hero understands it now. So I'm thinking that it was actually like the diagram for this is probably some nonsensical wheels on the ceiling. Like, you know, the ceiling fans that are tied all by bands going all over there. It was like a device from Whoville and shit.
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When Was That Again?
Yeah, like some Whoville-esque thing, but he got the patent in 1901. I shouldn't have made it worth double points because it didn't matter anyway because Mark's a fucking savant at this game. Was it 1901? It was 1907. Okay, I'll take it. Yeah! Mark was so much closer. It was not even close. Yippee! Well, now hold on. He was the closest without going over. Wait, that's also good. Yippee! Hold on.
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well i want to look at the diagram what do you have a picture of it uh this is just a list so i just google it yeah mark just google it you lazy shit just google it you know just google it don't ask us questions just google it oh this is saying wait 1797
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Yeah, 1937. 30-07. This is 37 on this Google search. I'm going to say this. I put this all together without double checking anything. So if it's factually incorrect, that's on me. But also what's correct for the purposes of this show is whatever the hell I had written down on my
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No, these are condoms for my bullets. They're not for me. They're for my bullets. Guy that uses your spot after you goes and looks at the garbage can. It's just a bunch of condoms. He's like, what the hell?
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But this is an image from 1851. That's not the correct one. My God, I need a three sided die. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.
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over here put together shit god damn it i forgot i forgot oh man our rules were excellent i'm so glad we do those council meetings hey you were all on board this time around you were fully in there no you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right i think i have everything i need to add a category to the wheel Before we ever use it once, you have to add one?
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When Was That Again?
Well, at the end of every episode, the host must add one item to the wheel. Okay. Did we decide we were going to add one, delete one, or just add one, add one? Add, just so it gets huge. Okay, right. We want bigger wheel. I don't know why I said that like that. I'm sorry. You have a stroke there?
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i am going to add a wheel slot for being a loser which means whoever has the least points at the exact moment the wheel is spun for that one they just get a point for being a loser does that include the host uh between the two competitors okay okay Other people and viewers and listeners can get points from this wheel, but this is between you guys primarily. The other things are extra.
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And for, okay, that's going to be the end of the topic. And now we have a whole convoluted thing that we have to do to end the episode that I completely forgot about, but is all prepared now. Also, I forgot we came up with the new thing for the unfairness. I love that. I can't wait to implement that. The coin flip thing.
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yeah i don't remember what it was if you use the word unfair you trigger coin flips the coin will be flipped three times if the complainer wins three in a row the unfairness is proven if the complainer loses three in a row it is now fair and will be made doubly fair against them did i earlier say it because i was like oh is this the is is he doing you did say no one triggered it but you did say the word unfair because you were mocking wade as which
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Well, you got three whole shots off, and I'm proud of you. In a row.
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should have triggered it it should have because anytime you use the word unfair it triggers it as the host i'm gonna say that's too far gone we're moving on to the next phase of the show but we could have jumped all over you we need to keep that front of mind we gotta yeah i gotta remember god i gotta read the constitution i know we gotta study guys we gotta study this constitution if i if i said i said it it would have been on me yeah so then you could have had a chance of winning well i guess you would have doubled or lost double the point yeah i don't we
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Look, I don't think we should read too much into it. It's definitely a case-by-case type of thing. We're just going to have to see what happens.
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Yeah, just don't throw that word around so casually. Everything will be fine. What if someone says that's not fair? That's not in the Constitution. That's not the thing. The thing that triggers it is the word unfair. Okay, understood. All right. So the way this new process works is we have to roll a three-sided die to determine how many spins there shall be of the wheel.
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I'm not going to share my screen for this. We're going to do an honor system because if we do share screens and shit, that's going to be a whole catastrophe mess at the end of every episode. Honor system. I'm rolling a three-sided die. It gave me one. That's unfair. I don't want to do it, but he did say it. I don't know what that would do. Doesn't say we have to trigger it.
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Oh, actually, it does say that it just triggers this automatically. So technically, but it's it's like you could do that as a last minute play.
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Oh yeah, you gotta get three in a row. Anything other than three in a row either way, nothing happens.
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I don't know what that would do for the wheel spins, but it would give me twice as few. Rules sound even more fair a week after we came up with... What were you thinking? It feels more fair now than it did in the moment. I don't know. We were all like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were all for it, whatever this all was. I remember it felt, at the moment, I was like, this is brilliant.
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This is the best idea we've ever had. All right. I know how the coin flip should be.
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We all flip a coin. And that's how you get. And it's therefore the triangle of fairness from the three coins, which apparently in sign language, this means pussy.
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saw that on subreddit i like that we need official distractible tokens for this or just a quarter or some shit yeah i can i can i can see about sourcing that yeah oh even better i'll have to buy it yeah i like that temporarily we could just use quarters or whatever we have all right but but we should get official tokens i feel like that would be see now i'm back on the train this is the best idea we've ever had for the show yes
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When Was That Again?
none of us will ever be traveling or lose the coin or anything like that. It's always going to work out just fine. Yep. Yep. All right. So we get one wheel spin.
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Uh, if anyone cares, the, the starting components of the wheel are, you get a point for being the baldest, the shortest, the tallest, eight, the most during the episode, loudest during the episode, biggest, got the biggest laugh, best looking, which is on here twice, which is incorrect point for viewers point for listeners, most locked in most distracted, uh,
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or being a loser meaning you have to lease points moment that the wheel is spun so we get one spin here which is for one point i am triggering the spin got the biggest laugh is the one that has been selected who who got the biggest laugh uh i made you laugh with my lion king bit i think that got a reaction the lion king bit might have been the biggest laugh
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In six months, you're going to transcend your physical form. You're right. He's right.
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i was gonna say it's definitely not me it's between you guys he definitely the lion king might be it because he went straight from the lion king he's like 1969 that might have been the moment yeah all right all right all right mark you have a chance now I doubled the points just to make sure Mark could stay in it.
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When Was That Again?
He said unfair. You just said it. You said it first. And I was like, I got a coin ready. Yeah, but now we both said it. So now we got to flip it six times. No, it's only one per round. One per episode. All right, I don't have a coin. I do have the sacred lens cap. Do we have to fucking lens cap it? No, you can do online. I literally have this sitting in front of me, so I'll just use this.
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I'm going to say the part that has the company's name on it is heads for me.
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I just did an online one. I'm not looking yet. All right, I know my result. I know my result. I dropped it on the floor. Hang on. Flipping. All right, I have my result. Heads. Tails. Tails.
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heads all right nothing happens oh i was the one who fucked it why did i lie if we're doing it on the honor system you can totally game that and be like heads that's why we'll have physical coins hey i was honorable i said tails i'll put big handles on the side of them so you have to pick it up in a very specific way We need coins and a coin tray, and you flip the coin into the coin tray.
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When Was That Again?
I think you should have just gone back to like the World War I or the Civil War muskets where you get your little bullets, you put some powder, you put your bullet, you shove it, you light, then you go through the process again. That way you would never have a jam. It's like making the weirdest espresso ever. It's very procedural.
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When Was That Again?
The coin can only land a specific way because of the handles, but it's fair. You have to flip it into a glue trap, and that way it stays where it is, and you hold that up. Each of us needs one coin per episode. It is permanently flipped once it has been flipped. We get a bowl of Mark's bullets, and that way we know it'll stick. Yep, yep, yep. All right. Extra large glue trap thing.
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glue trap here we go oh yeah you get a whole roll of it oh perfect yeah exactly yeah maybe the jumbo no roll wade you earned points for knife powder basketball stuff cocaine grinder the nes legos slinkies tickle me elmo and the first talkie i started off so strong For a total of, Bob knows how to add numbers together, eight points. Good job. Good job, buddy.
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Thank you. Thank you. Mark, you earned points for Clean Bullets, Gun Lube, Watched the Super Bowl, An A2 Knife, YouTube, Neil Armstrong on the Moon, Despacito, Treaty of Versailles, ET, Facebook, Washing Machine, and you got the biggest laugh of the episode. For a total of, and the suspension is, you could cut it with a knife. Oh, Mark got 13 points. Golf rules? Golf rules? No, not golf rules.
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I had to hope. I had to hope. Anyway, that makes Mark today's winner. Congratulations, sir. I didn't even need the weird wheel.
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I gotta be honest. I know I'm going to complain about it. I really like the addition of the wheel and everything at the end. I like that. I'm into it. The wheel can be sponsored, guys. Oh! The wheel can have a spot presenting sponsor, presenting our wheel of things. Oh, we can have more ad spots. Yes! Everybody loves ads, and they love our ads the most.
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Today's winner wheel brought to you by Walt's Wieners. God, I wish. Anyway, wait, loser speech. It was a very fair episode. It was very fun. I enjoyed it. Learning how much we did or did not know. I don't know why I managed to just shoot off the race course. I was really just like the hare and the tortoise and the hare today.
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Took off fast and then took a nap and Mark blew right by me past the finish line. I also think that the circle of life was definitely probably the funniest moment. So I've got no disputes. Very fair episode. Thanks for hosting it, Bob. Fun times.
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thank you but mostly thank me mark winner speech look at this look what i can do i gotta be honest when you had it lower down off camera it kind of looked like you're going like this Yeah, I'd like to thank me.
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I don't think he decided that, but okay. He might as well have. He might as well have. He can suck Uranus. It's probably a pleasant because that's a gas planet. It's a planetary joke. I will rule with an iron fist. And we'll get you a cream for your asteroids. You know what, Wade? I'm going to give you a posthumous point for that. Just because it was really funny.
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When Was That Again?
Yeah, you died. I only get that point after being deceased. Whoever loses an episode, they get killed off and we replace them with a replicant to do the next one. Thanks for your speeches, gentlemen. Thanks for competing. Congrats to Mark. You're going to host the next one. Make sure you follow the podcast so that you get notifications, you get the little plus thingy or whatever, however it works.
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Thank you for watching or listening. We love all of you the same. and uh yeah the follow mark and mark plier waited lord minion 777 or minion 777 i am my skirm that's the end of the episode thank you so much for listening we'll see you on the next one podcast out goodbye
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I mean, if it was an old school muscle loader and you're shooting, you know, little balls and you're not even shooting, the sight wouldn't mean very much. Generally aiming it towards whatever you're aiming towards is good enough because it kind of just, once it gets out of the barrel, the whole thing just goes.
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in every which way and it's crazy what you really want to do you want to put a sign outside that says this is a muzzle loading household that way if you do have someone who breaks in they know they have to muzzle load their knife or their axe or their gun as well to make it fair yeah exactly they take their blade they put a little bit of knife powder put the blade in meanwhile you've got your thing going you aim at each other I think they do make like a gun blade that shoots the blade out
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Just knowing the human species, I'm pretty sure that exists. Of all the things that humans would invent, that's way up there.
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A knife gun. Also called a crossbow. I'm out of bolts. Hand me the butter knives.
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When Was That Again?
Hello and welcome back for another episode of Your Uncle's Third Favorite Podcast. He's got weird... I don't like that guy. I don't care if we're third on his list. I'm just using it as an identifier. He sucks. We're awesome. This is distractible. I am your host. My name is Bob. I'm the host because I won the last episode, which I earned by existing.
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You know what's seen always burns into my brain? I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in general, but there's that sequence where they are trying to outrun the Black Pearl on the British Navy ship, and then they can't, and so they've thrown everything heavy overboard, and then they're like, turn and fight! And they're like, we dropped all the cannonballs, and they're like,
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put any fucking shit in the cannons. You want anything? And they're like shooting cutlery at the, out of the cannons and stuff. I love that sequence. It was a good sequence.
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It'll, it'll go. Oh, that's it. You know what that is? That's a YouTube series. Will it cannon? The answer is yes, it will. It will cannon. I guess unless it's something that disintegrates, but even then hot watermelon goop fired out of a cannon at something. Yeah. Pretty destructive, probably. Big paper ball. I mean, it would flash to steam most of it, but maybe some of it. Be like birdshot.
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Probably. Yeah. Sounds like a job for the slow-mo guys. Yeah. Get on it. Hurry up. we're waiting more like you guys are moving in slow-mo dude i don't know if you follow slow-mo guys at all have you seen gavin's hard drive setup to store all of their unbelievably dense footage that they have of shit i did and i think it's pathetic
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I don't know what we were talking about. I just hijacked the shit out of that small talk, but... I cleaned off my bullet condoms. Oh, that's right. You made love to your bullets and you did it safely. What's new with Wade? I was hoping you would never ask because nothing that interesting. Same old, same old. When's the last time you left your house?
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I told you last episode I went to that basketball game. That was just over the last weekend. This is the last time you left your house? Well, no, I went to the store in Skyline yesterday. Fun, fun. Sunday did not leave the house, but not to date this episode too much. That was Super Bowl Sunday. So I streamed and did not watch the Super Bowl instead because I had no interest in it whatsoever.
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But I was still somehow surprised by the outcome. It was a game. Did you watch it? Yeah, I watched it. He's got a sports podcast. He had to watch it. I watched it and Tyler didn't. Yeah, I was the guy telling him what happened. Master of balls and holes, my hole.
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No, it was not a good game. It wasn't a like last minute, like, Oh, what's going to happen? It was like, Oh God, I'm petty. And I gotta be honest, the slow drawn out, embarrassing flogging of Patrick Mahomes and Jason Kelsey and the rest of those guys after everyone could not shut up about how glorious the chiefs were and how the refs weren't doing anything to help them.
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And they earned all those wins and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm not even saying they're not good, a good team because they still got to the Superbowl. But just the like demonstrative flogging of the Chiefs after a full season of everyone riding them, riding their dicks super hard in terms of like announcers and pundits and everyone in the sports world. I kind of enjoyed it.
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I didn't care, but it was kind of fun to just be like, wow, another interception. Patrick. Oh, no. Wow. Oh, another sack. Oh, Patrick. They keep touching you, don't they? Oh, no.
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The real winner in the last episode was Shortman Everywhere. Tom and shoes. Tom and shoes.com. Not sponsored or affiliated. Don't know anything about that company. It is a real website. Don't look into it. I've never seen the show before. It's a show where I host because I won and two people, Mark and Wade compete to win today's episode and they host the next one. And I give out points.
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That's super weird. I just expect you to tone out when I talk about stuff like this.
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I saw a someone who is a big Chiefs fan doing a did a low lights of Jason Kelsey's performance. He had a pretty bad game, but he couldn't block anyone to save his life. And there's like a whole highlight reel of him lined up on the line, the ball snapping and him not moving for like an extra half second.
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And then defenders just running past him and murdering the quarterback in the backfield and him kind of being like, oh, stop. oh no damn it he's old it's not even his fault but like man i didn't really care about the outcome but i i got it's kind of fun those reaction times they just kind of slip after a while you hit 30 and you're ready
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all right it's been it's been five years but i'm only 35 and i can't imagine having played a serious sport at any point in the last decade with my reaction times to stuff so i'll let you know how it is i'm playing a very serious basketball league maybe right now there's three of us on the team how long till you go on ir oh i'll give myself half a quarter what's ir injured reserve oh
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I think we're going to run down the court. I'm going to like play offense or defense. We'll run down the other side of the court. I'll ask the coach to sub me. I'd be like, I'm winded. Sub me out. He won't because we don't have a coach and the other players probably be paying attention. And right now we don't even have enough to have a full squad on the floor, much less have five guys.
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We have three at the moment. That's not enough. Yeah, well, whenever I was asked, I was like, well, I guess I could. Who's on the squad? And he smiled. You, me, and him. Yeah, that was basically it. He was like, hey, you want to play? I got this league I'm setting up. I was like, oh, yeah. I mean, I've not played in forever, but if you need somebody, sure. He's like, yeah, that'd be great.
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And then after I agreed, he told me that I was the first person to say yes. You don't preface, I've got this league I'm setting up. Oh, how many people are in it? Me. It's gonna, now it's a league. You said yes. League. Our team, whatever the hell. Yeah, man. And then he shows me a picture, right? Of like, he's like, this is one of the other teams.
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And he's like, everyone on here is like the tallest dude. Six one. If you're playing center, a bunch of college basketball players or something, if you're playing center, like you're going to, you're going to, you'll be fine. It's not like you're going up against seven footers. Tallest guy's like six one. By the way, all of these guys are X like D one players.
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hell yeah so are you right or something like that you played yeah you had a d somewhere i played for the school in junior high mark was d2 he could help that's me he's got that d2 basketball knife you're right not here anymore for some reason yeah i mean like college xd1 college players when i say d1 not not i didn't play in college I've not touched a basketball on like a real court in 12 years.
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Because you're not allowed or because you got sad. Yeah, I was banned. They don't let me anywhere near a basketball. I'm a little bit concerned. I think you just need to hit the gym, get on the elliptical a little bit, maybe work on some core strength. You'll be fine. Can you build endurance and lose 30 pounds in three weeks? Yes.
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Yes. I feel like it's almost guaranteed to work based on anecdotal evidence.
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which I write down in my special, special notebook. And the points don't really mean anything. And also they're kind of just made up on the fly. But also if I don't keep track of them, I get in big, big trouble. How's it going, fellas? Happy, happy recording day. How are you?
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Well, we had a grinder when I was in high school, so I'm sure that I could find a rock somewhere. I've told the story of my cocaine grinder science experiment. Yeah, you did. Did he? I don't remember. We were there for that.
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you had a cocaine grinder you had a real legit cocaine grinder he was doing a material sifting sorting experiment in science class and he ended up using a cocaine sifter grinder thing instead and it was a whole yeah my mom was like try this this this is a fine screen to separate your minerals it's like okay well if you're gonna if you're gonna snort it it needs to be like fine powder right so you you do want to kind of make sure it's all i don't know evenly grinded ground up i would have assumed it was already a dust
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look the most I know about it is in movies and TV shows when people are about to do cocaine they take like a razor blade and they're all that's to like make sure it's all like crushed up right so that it's powdery apparently there's a much fancier device that has a very fine screen that I thought was for sifting minerals and then when my teacher's like how did you separate sand from sand that I asked my mom she was like oh sweet summer child this was not a device made for sand
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I was like, well, my teacher wants to know what I used. Sounds like it worked really well. So, yeah, only after I did this. God damn it. Only after I did the thing and turned it in was I like, well, do I tell my teacher it was my family heirloom cocaine grinder?
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He chose to suffer. He chose to suffer. I got water on my poop.
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Anyway. On to the topic. Hear me out. It's going to sound like it's just more small talk. Because it kind of is. But listen, we haven't been doing this that long. You know, hanging out, talking, knowing each other. I thought it might be a great time... for us to discuss some classic icebreaker questions and really start to get to know each other. You know, we all work together.
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We see each other at the office. We wave in the parking lot. But do we really get to know each other on a personal level yet? I don't know. And I just want to, you know, foster a little community. And I thought we could just go over some icebreakers and, you know, maybe tell some stories, have some fun, make a little connection.
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Okay, I had a list of questions, and then I opened another note, and the first thing on that note said, clue, but with a lot of extra rules. I don't think that's one of my icebreakers I put on my list, but I guess we're playing clue now. That could be a good icebreaker. Miss Dorothy in the office with a knife. Mark gave us chest 2.0.
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I'm coming out here with clue type B sometime soon, but that's a different episode. Anyway, icebreakers. Here we go. What thing from nature, excluding all animals and creatures, best describes your vibe? From all creatures? No creatures whatsoever. Just something from nature. Plants. Okay. Rock formations. Anything that's not a living creature.
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What thing in nature, including like the whole cosmos, asteroids and whatever. What thing describes your vibe? Okay. I know this one. I know this one.
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I don't know why I felt guilty for laughing at that. That was a decent joke. It deserved a laugh.
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Who's Lucky? Lucky Charms. Is that his name? They're not called Lucky's Charms. They are Lucky Charms.
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But he says they're always after me, Lucky Charms. They're after me, Lucky Charms. There's a comma in there. There's several commas. They're always after me, Lucky Charms.
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God damn. I mean, look, fair enough. I don't know about these things. I'm going to have to defer to Mark. That's the nature of breaking the ice. All right. Totally different direction.
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I like to think of myself as the waves on the shoreline, the Michigan shoreline of Lake Michigan. Pretty chill, but capable of going red flag and getting pretty wild, but generally pretty chill. Salty, right? No, Lake Michigan.
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Yeah, I said how it works, something, winner, host, whatever. How's it going, gentlemen? Let's just jump right into small talk. How's everybody doing? Wade's covered in poop or something.
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There's a long connection and those are called brackish waters when fresh mixes with salt. I'm that. That's my vibe. All right, I think we've talked about this one before, but I don't remember what the answer was, so if we've done it before, just say it fast. What is the most used emoji on your phone right now?
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Is that yours, Wade? Yep. I don't even know how to describe that. What face is that? Gritted teeth face? Gritted teeth. But he's not smiling.
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Wait, what is this? My third most used emoji is an Apple Genmoji of a lion playing football. I guess I text about lions football a lot to people. Also, my number one, I just want to say is the fork and knife sitting next to each other. And it's because that's what I call Fortnite in text message forms. So I text, there's several groups that I'm in where I'm like, hey, you guys want a fork knife?
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okay fort fortnight and uh water polo living in your guys heads i don't know what the deal is with the football line i swear i use other emojis other i made that once uh i think we have talked about that but i just can't i just wanted to know you know so water polo fork and knife and gritted teeth it makes sense when you don't think about it yeah yeah all right this one won't be contentious i know we're only just getting to know each other but this is kind of a question for all three of us
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but mostly for you two. If you could be one of the other two people on this call, who would you choose to be?
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Don't listen. Don't make it be like that. I know I said it like that, but don't take it like that.
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I was honestly thinking about picking Mark partially because it's hard to imagine what the world looks like from such a short height. It's only a six inch difference, man.
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well mark just has so many like hobbies and stuff and i feel like i'm i'm in a similar vein but i'm just less committed than mark to my hobbies so i'll like i'll sit here and i'll learn like right now i'm learning a lot about woodworking for hobby reasons but i don't do it if i was mark i would have a whole i would have tools i would have made a chair at this point
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I mean, I'd like to hear about your personal life, but the headline, you sold it so well.
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i guess i i admire mark's dedication to just like doing actually doing shit instead of just sitting around but i think yeah it's just a body swap right it's a mind stage i know but if i was in your body then i'd basically i'd behave more like you i'm just i'm just throwing that out there i'm just assuming there is a mind body connection i know that and i guess if you're considering like the brain the way it's configured but i was assuming we're just gonna ignore that philosophically there's the whole mind body problem
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I mean, we can or cannot address the philosophical side of this question as much as we choose to. Plus, you already have a bunch of cool stuff. I'm not going to have the workshop, and you've been working on the workshop. That sounds... Really fun to me.
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But we keep our cars in our garage because we live in a place where it fucking snows and shit. Forget that. Forget that. Oh, but the snow. The snow, Mark. Forget it. The snow. Forget it. Basement workshop, too.
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I mean, it's the storage room, but there's a side room down here that's sort of like the utility storage room. That could be kind of workshoppy.
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No, the used tool market, I am excited about Monster Hunter. And probably after this, that's what I'm going to go do. But the used tool market is interesting. There's so much good shit out there.
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It's true. If you want or need tools, or if you're trying to get into a hobby that requires tools... Definitely check out like I just sit and I just look on Facebook Marketplace a lot, but there's a lot like there's also like forum like reddits and stuff on like there's so many like there's so many good tools that are already out there. You might as well just get a use one.
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Did you see Michael Reeves Facebook Marketplace video? Yes. Yeah, with the low-balling bots.
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I'm annoyed that I have to go through Facebook to look at Facebook Marketplace, but Craigslist isn't really a thing anymore. And there are other apps and things that are sort of in that vein, but around here, Facebook Marketplace is definitely the best.
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Yeah, that's it. I also was just surprised how effective it was. I think he might have just got a lot of luck. I have no idea, but it was... The whole premise worked out so much better than I would have expected.
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You don't have to like everything we like. We're all just bonding over things.
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Bond. All right. I don't know why I like this one, but I feel compelled to ask this because I can't let it go. If you could safely eat any inedible object, like from now to eternity, you could always eat this object. What would it be?
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Yeah, you have to. This is a thing that you have to pick. Tacos.
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I'm pretty sure you just can eat chapstick if you want to. I think that's probably fine.
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I feel like that's a little bit general, but I actually had the exact same thought.
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Yeah, no, it never works out very well for you. I don't know if, I mean, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if I would say that counts or not, but I like it. What I landed on was I had that same thought and I was like, well, maybe garbage is too vague. I would eat plastic.
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because a lot of plastic is not even recyclable and even plastic that is technically recyclable is not broadly recycled in some places and it's not efficient to recycle it you might like manufacturers might as well just chuck it and make a new one out of new material because it's
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so much cheaper and simpler they don't have to like clean it or do any bullshit to it if I could just eat plastic I'm curious what my poops would be like and if I would like digest it or if it would just go through me but if I could eat it and like make it go away you know physically speaking I feel like that would be awesome. I'm assuming eat means you digest it.
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If I could eat plastic and digest it into poop, that would be awesome. I would do that. That would be very cool. But if I could just eat garbage in general, I feel like that would encompass my idea. And that was my pick. The setup doesn't say anything about it tasting any differently. So it potentially still would suck.
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would just taste like garbage you just you could safely eat it but that doesn't mean that like you would enjoy it or whatever but a little bit of salt and butter it'd be fine i mean you could make the garbage into like you know garbage loaf season it up a little shit zanya shit flambe shit kebab shit kebab wait no why does it have to be shit you mean garbage kebab shit stuff this is just for the just for the fun of saying shit kebab
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It sounds like the 17-year-old is fine, hopefully, from the surgery, and I'm sure they were okay beforehand, but that's going to be tough to live with, I got to imagine. I have no idea how big or small these things were, but that must just be kind of funky to live with.
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It's really boring that Wade and I thought the same thing. I'm going to take some points away for that.
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What is the worst piece of advice you've ever been given? And when did you realize it was bad advice?
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You just think that's bad advice because you're incapable of following it? No. I feel like that sounds like decent advice.
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Honestly, of all the different types of like fast-paced day trading stuff, Forex does strike me as one of the things where if you just develop a really simple system of rules and you don't do anything crazy, you kind of could probably make a little bit of money at it, but it's just probably not worth that much.
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But now we got crypto. Dude, imagine if crypto had existed the way it does now when you got into that. Because that was in college? Or is it directly following college? That's like in college, right?
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That like Bitcoin existed, but it was still sort of more for the Silk Road than anything else. But I'll be perfectly honest.
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so long ago it would have hit like one dollar and i would have been like oh i made so much money no imagine we when we were in college and bitcoin released you could buy bitcoins for like cents a coin you could mine it on your computer and get tons of it yeah it was worthless fucking imagine there probably are stories of people who did hold for that or like lost their wallet and found it back whatever but
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It's worth so much because there are specific exchanges. on which you can buy and sell crypto and it primarily has value because of and on those exchanges it's not any different from other money except that it's not backed by any specific government or whatever for its value it has value because everyone collectively agrees it has value and you can but can you ever get
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anything you can use it in some places to buy things sometimes some really cool web 3 companies are like yeah we take usd apple pay and bitcoin and so you can pay for your whatever service in bitcoin but it's it's not not really no not seriously it's almost always traded back for money
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Was it a specific person that got you into foreign exchange stuff? Or was it just like a thing you sort of came across?
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I was so close. If I had any money when you were doing that, I was like, I watched, I had, I had like screens pulled up with like the, all the charts and shit. And I would sit there and I learned a bit about the patterns, but I didn't actually have money. So it was very theoretical for me, but I had had money though, man. Yeah.
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You're thinking like me again. That's what I was going to say. College.
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I feel like the thing about that that I have a gripe with, because I'm in no way am I anti-education, the thing about that that I have a gripe with is specifically kind of like what you're saying, the four-year college degree.
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We spent our entire, any time since I can remember from being in school and being a kid, all of the guidance counselors and everyone, teachers and everyone, were like, yeah, you'd get it. You want to go to college. That's the goal. You get the four-year degree. A lot of people, I think, benefit from a four-year degree. It gives you career opportunities that you otherwise might not be able to get.
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But a lot of people didn't benefit from it and are not benefiting from it. And should have avoided that completely because there are associate's degrees. There are other pathways. There are apprenticeship programs. They're not as plentiful as they could or should be maybe.
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And it's not like it was 50 or 80 or 100 years ago where you could just go straight out of high school or not even go to high school and go find somewhere and make a career necessarily. But some people just don't fucking need to go to college. And it's not because they're not smart enough. And it's not because they're less or whatever. It's nothing like that.
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They're just not... They don't thrive in school. They thrive in a place where they're doing something, where they're building something, where they're... It's just not... School isn't something that everyone is equally suited for. And it fucking sucks. Because I've had friends who were really bright people, who were really smart, who got sucked into college and were just...
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hated it and thought that they were so stupid because they couldn't like thrive in college the way that they saw other friends and classmates doing. And they are not stupid. It's not, doesn't work that way.
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I always, I find that very frustrating, but it's a particular thing because I am very much pro-education, but there are lots of different ways to learn shit in the world and turn that into a way to have like a job and a career and a life. But that's a weird thing to talk about in the world that we live in because... We hardly know each other. Yeah, we're basically strangers.
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But that... Listen, kids. You don't have... Listen. Oh, fucking... I just touched my pen to my lens. Are you okay, lens? I don't care. You're cheap, lens. Let's be honest.
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Yeah. I'm looking at the lens up close. Not actually zooming in. I'm just moving my face closer to it to look at it. It's an optical illusion. Well, this one's interesting because we all live in different places. And by all of us, I mean one of us. What's your favorite thing about the place that you live? It doesn't have to even be like your top favorite thing, but like pick a favorite thing.
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Pick a thing you want to talk about that's like a favorite thing about the place that you live.
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You do have to be a certain kind of crazy and or just really motivated to like actually make it work in LA because it's, Of all the cities I've been to, L.A. is one of the more unpleasant, but also one of the craziest. There's pleasant parts of it. Downtown L.A.? Kind of shit that goes on in L.A. is wild.
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Hey, we don't learn a lot of counting in Ohio. Not what we're here for. We're here for the chili. Education. That's really, that's one of your favorite things?
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That's just a thing that I wouldn't think is up there for so many people. It is for me is why I'm surprised. I'm a big Skyline fan in particular.
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That's like how third graders do syllables when they're learning it. They're just like, you just make your fingers go at the same speed as you're talking.
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My chin doesn't really move that well. It does. It moves a bit. It doesn't move very much when I talk.
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I think I probably don't do that one for that exact reason.
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What is one skill you think everyone should possess, regardless of who they are or what they do?
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Well, your answers make mine seem pretty frivolous now. My thing that I landed on was cooking, which is a little broad. But if communication is allowed to be one, I think like you don't need to know how to cook to survive. But I feel like if more people had a fundamental base of cooking,
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They have everything. God, that was such a good bit. Dan Cortez.
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cooking like basic cooking skills it just makes life that little bit better right when you're especially in the world that we live in like you don't always have a lot of money for fancy ingredients or nicer higher-end ingredients sometimes you get the same stuff week after week you live in a world of a lot of like rice and beans and things simple ingredients are
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can be just as delicious as fancy, expensive ingredients. It takes more technique and knowledge maybe, but that's a thing, right? If I know people who like, don't like eating now or, or have some specific foods that they won't eat and not for reasons like Wade, where like cilantro tastes like soap and that's like a genetic thing.
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They just like, they think they don't like food, but the problem is they grew up and like they're
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both parents were working and that you know food was secondary they ate what they ate it was a lot of canned stuff or whatever can be delicious and i feel like when food is delicious it just sort of improves the overall quality of life but it's hard to argue that people should spend a lot of time cooking or learning about cooking when you know shit's hard now now that feels stupid so thanks you made me feel really stupid thanks guys that was our goal de nada right mark de nada
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Pronounced Donato's, Wade. It's a pizza place. Oh, Donato's. Anyway, I had some other ones, but as per usual, I hate them now, even though I took the time to write them down. So I don't want to talk about those. I think that was enough. I think the ice is broken. I think we know each other better now. Now we can all stop pretending to be friends and get the fuck back to work.
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So... You guys want to get together, get some chlee? God, no. Can't wait for this conversation to be over. Go on. Back to your cubicles, everybody. I will read the points now in a perfunctory manner. Oh wait, no. Should I wait? Should I forget? Do we do the wheels first? Should we do the wheels first?
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I just don't even, it's all different now. All right, I'll read the points. Mark, Mark, you got points for cool surgery. I've never finished in my life. Girthy Redwood water polo emoji and eat love. All right. Eat lava. Eat lava. Eat lava. Yeah, that makes sense.
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Wade, you earn points for poo poo water book. Palpatine therapist. I'm a stalactite. loser like me, eat garbage, and five syllables.
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This is kind of a disadvantage for me, but I want to go with shirt is closest to their own background.
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Sorry, the sign is not Wade Fleshtoned. Yeah, it's kind of marked today, but Wade, you wear a lot of gray shirts, and I do have purple shirts that I wear sometimes. And I usually wear dark shirts, so this is uncommon. Something about today, something about that shirt tone, it is an unusual color for you. You wear a lot of dark stuff and greens and...
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I mean, I don't get to see that, but we can talk about it when it happens.
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Anyway, three-sided die. Well, I got a two. All right. So we're doing two spins.
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And there are two spins, so I'm sure nothing bad will happen to me.
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Okay, that's not going to do much to it. What the fuck is that so loud? It was last time too, but I swear it gets louder each time. I don't know how to make that be not loud. I don't know. All right. Point for, what was it? Point for listeners.
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Well, I'm just going to write listeners and you're just going to have zero points on this scorecard. So you're going to be in fourth place, listeners. And spin number two. Hopefully with no sound fucking destroying your eardrums again. Oh, shit.
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Which means that Wade wins. Wow. What a way to mislead that.
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You were just really invested in that one. I felt it. Anyway, congratulations, Wade. Thank you. Is it winner's speech time? Yeah, winner's speech it away. Go for it, buddy.
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True words have never been uttered out of Wade's mouth. Mark, loser's speech.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait. I allow it! I mean, we're giving the speeches, but... Look, I guess technically, if we're going to do this, what's unfair is Wade is winning. So if Mark wins... I buy it. Mark wins, but if it is deemed fair, Wade gets double win? I don't know what that means, but... I'll take it!
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Yeah, so if three heads... Mark actually wins this episode. The score doesn't change. Mark just wins this episode. If three tails, Wade double wins this episode. Whatever the fuck that means.
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We've Never Done This Before
It's almost definitely maybe over. Who cares? I mean, who knows? I do care. I want the trophy. But anyway, flip them, boys. There's heads. Heads. fails oh man i wanted to cheat so bad i did too but the other way
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We've Never Done This Before
Thank you, everyone, for competing. Excellent use of the unfair bit, Mark. Thank you. I respect it. I look forward to that coming up later on.
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We've Never Done This Before
Because otherwise it was clearly pretty fair. We won't remember that.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Anyway, make sure you follow Mark and Wade on their YouTube channels and social media stuff. And I have those things too. And make sure you follow the podcast because then your devices will tell you every time there's a new one. It's Mondays and Fridays, but you know, just in case you forget. Thank you so much for watching or listening to another episode of your favorite podcast.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
What does he work right outside the movie theater? He watched it in. That sounds a little bit like it's on him.
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We've Never Done This Before
I guess I just don't even get that because, I mean, you see a movie trailer, maybe you're going to see the movie, but of all the trailers I've ever seen, there were only a handful where I saw the trailer and I was like, whoa, I was unaware of that movie. Now I'm going to go see that movie. It's always like... Oh, I'm not interested in this. Oh, I'm not interested in this.
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We've Never Done This Before
Oh, I really want to see this movie already. Maybe it has more of an effect on other people, but that just seems kind of stupid to me.
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We've Never Done This Before
I feel like it would make more sense if the movie just started at the advertised time and the trailers ran before and you had to get there a little early if you wanted to see the trailers. Because then it's like, you can't really be mad if you don't see the trailers. But also, then the movie happens at a time where you don't have to guess how long. All of that aside, this dude won money for this?
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. That's right, you never had a choice to begin with. No, we're not going to tackle the concept of free will today. Yes, I knew you would be here. No, I'm not going to tell you how I knew that. Yes, I'm excited to see you on the next episode, too. Yeah, anyway, I'm your host for today.
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
I mean, I guess I just find it hard to feel too bad for a guy who was going to see a movie that, if it started exactly on time, still would have made him late for work if he stayed and watched the entire thing. Like, the argument that they play too many trailers, I'm totally on board with, but...
Distractible
We've Never Done This Before
Look, I'm not saying that I haven't been there, but also that's pretty much on you. You're going to make yourself late to work. Well, not according to the law. He won money. I just feel like, I mean, I don't know anything about the court system in India. It's similar to the court systems here, but that creates a precedent of can't other people do that then?
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We've Never Done This Before
Can I just pick a movie whose theoretic end time would have made me be able to leave and get somewhere else on time, then just watch the whole movie and then leave when it actually ends and then be like, hey, you owe me 600 bucks. And then the court has to be like, yeah, well, we did it for that other guy, so.
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We've Never Done This Before
I think they should just stop playing anything once it hits the time when the movie was supposed to end. And if it ends with half an hour left in the movie, so be it.
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We've Never Done This Before
My name is Bob, and I'm the host because I won the last one. I did win the last one, right? Yeah, I think so. I just started talking, and then I blacked out. I don't know what happened. Did I say anything weird?
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We've Never Done This Before
Yeah, how are you going to possibly grind Path of Exile 2 enough now that you also have Monster Hunter in your life?
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We've Never Done This Before
The host doesn't always do small talk, but I've made a mistake and I want to groan about it. Groan away, man. Mark has already told the story, so it's not that interesting. But you remember, Mark, you remember, you remember when you needed a prior authorization for medicine? Yeah. Yeah, our fucking insurance changed at the beginning of February. This is going to air further in the future.
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We've Never Done This Before
But even now, when we're recording it, it's not February anymore. And I still don't have all the prior authorizations I need to get the prescriptions I've been taking for eight plus years to manage my diabetes. A chronic illness that's never going to go away.
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We've Never Done This Before
Is this just a fun insulin prescription or is this a necessary insulin? We don't want anyone getting bonus insulin.
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We've Never Done This Before
You know what's even stupider is I do, I also take Ozempic, the real shit, not any of those fake subglutides. No, I am actually the person who Ozempic was originally made for because I am diabetic and it has helped my... Oh, I thought you meant literally you, like they met with you and they're like, all right, we're going to find a way. I'm the reason it was invented. They named it after him too.
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We've Never Done This Before
Yeah. Little known fact. My middle name. I've been using Ozempic since before it was cool. That's the first one I got. Of all the medicines I take, that's the one where I would understand if the insurance was like, does he need this? Or is he just trying to get skinny for free? First of all, that part of it doesn't work for me. Not everyone gets skinny on Ozempic.
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We've Never Done This Before
I don't know if everyone knows that. Big disappointment on my end. But also, no, I'm just tired. Anyway, Mark, you talked about this a bunch. It's not news. If you're an American...
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We've Never Done This Before
You understand the horrors, but I'm trapped in the middle of trying to get prior authorizations for medicines I've been taking for almost a decade or more, in some cases, for a disease I've had since I was 17 years old. But whatever. They just want to check and make sure I'm still diabetic, I guess. I don't know.
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We've Never Done This Before
probably get medicine every other country i've ever traveled to i didn't get sick in all of them but all the ones where i got sick or like when we were on tour you guys had issues and stuff every other country we were like oh god mark's getting sick fuck how are we gonna get doctors and all the people in that country were like dude come see a doctor medicine please oh my god i hope you feel better and we're just like but but how expensive was that that was like no bill what the what
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We've Never Done This Before
No one has opted to suffer, though. He usually just finds something to write with.
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We've Never Done This Before
But it's always flabbergasting. And now I'm the one trapped in the hell of prior authorization. So that's fun. That's one of the joyous things I've had going on lately. Thankfully, I haven't had too much trouble.
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We've Never Done This Before
That's the only thing that's keeping me from yelling at people on the phone, because it's like, eventually, once all of this is all settled, it'll be okay for a minute. But not there yet. Also, I wouldn't actually yell at people on the phone, but I do get quite disgruntled. I try to be polite, but sometimes it's hard to not be snarky.
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We've Never Done This Before
The one and only time I've ever yelled through a cell phone was during the original Bob's fridge incident. Right. I did actually yell at that fucking guy on the cell phone. He did not care for that. I did. I still feel bad about that, but also I feel like my anger was pretty, like pretty justified all around in that situation.
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September 10th
Well, I hope we find some interesting events and not just random boring points in history. Oh, we're coming up on our first location.
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September 10th
We get to, like, leave immediately after we've done whatever we're going to do, right?
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September 10th
And we're in New York City. hmm i'm gonna need already questioning this direction but i'm gonna try it i'm gonna need access to a lot of uh burner cell phones all right okay i think cell phones exist uh now so yeah it could be pay phones maybe i'm driving around town and looking for every payphone in existence who knows i have a plan as of tomorrow morning september 11th 2001
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September 10th
So it's like, it just, it's gross. Like there are moments where it's like, oh God, it's coming. But then it goes back to being in the teens and you're like, what? Well, fuck you. All right. Fuck all of this. And you go back inside and it's dead.
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September 10th
The World Trade Center Plaza will be completely empty of humanity. And it's going to sound questionable, what I have in mind, and we're going to really need to book it the hell out of here once I start doing this.
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September 10th
and and other things like things of that nature as possible all targeted all on that exact area of the city it's just gonna be absolute chaos it's gonna get to the point where they're gonna have to set up a perimeter a safety perimeter no one's gonna be allowed in those two buildings we're probably in surrounding buildings it's gonna be two empty structures
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September 10th
with barricades and police keeping any human from getting anywhere close to them until sometime in the evening on September 11th when they figure out these are all fake threats that someone phoned in as a prank.
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September 10th
an entire box of unopened Pokemon cards. Ooh, those are valuable back then.
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September 10th
yeah so that's a that's a vintage box of unopened original whatever series i don't know anything about pokemon cards but one of the expensive ones all right perfect just one uh you said one item i mean i'll grab as many as i can but i was thinking it had to be one thing yeah you got one pallet of boxes you can't carry that in it's not that big on the inside
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September 10th
You have no idea what I'm going to do with these Pokemon cards. Just because they're valuable doesn't mean I think I'm keeping them.
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September 10th
It doesn't seem to be... It kind of feels like we're just in a helicopter. I gotta be honest, it's less impressive than I would have guessed.
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September 10th
Isn't that a couple weeks later? post mount vesuvius eruption i don't think there was ever actually a date i am after a quick google i am seeing references to uh mid-august maybe around august 24th or 25th ah but that was before they shifted the calendar
Distractible
September 10th
I don't think there's a lot I can do for them. I don't speak the language unlike Wade. You haven't learned Pompish? And I don't think they're going to listen to me either way. And there aren't phones everywhere for me to call in more bomb threats because it's apparently my go-to. Yeah, yeah.
Distractible
September 10th
So what I do is I just go around and start carving a message into every place I can, because the city is made of stones and maybe some concrete, I forget. But it's all it's all carvable. You know, I just spend every second I've got carving the phrase, don't trust Nazis anymore. Into the walls of Pompeii. And I know what you're thinking. Different era. Confusing messaging. This is for the future.
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September 10th
This is a warning. And when our... Closer to our time we came from, when they start excavating and they start finding... They keep finding this message. It seems to be, for some reason, written in modern English.
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September 10th
and not at all congruous with what was happening in Pompeii at the time, and it just keeps saying the same thing, they're going to just have to assume that either a god or a time traveler or something, someone knows, and had to leave that message for a purpose. It's going to have an impact.
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September 10th
Oh, they'll definitely find it before the Nazi party exists in any meaningful way by a lot, like a hundred years, maybe hundreds of years, I would guess. Yeah, yeah. Wow. But like, they'll talk about that, right? All of the books about Pompeii will be like, and there was this crazy message. And then when it starts, when stuff starts happening, people will be like, wait a minute.
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September 10th
I mean, you gotta... You got a point. I'm just writing off Pompeii as a total loss. I don't think there's anything I can do for those guys.
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September 10th
And I don't go to the library, but I do pickpocket a wealthy-looking individual on the street as I'm heading back towards the time machine, and I get his little coin purse full of, I assume, doubloons? Is that correct?
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September 10th
Yeah. I just happen to know that something like 65 million years ago, almost roughly exactly, today maybe even... Maybe. ...is when the...
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September 10th
chick shulub impact happened that sounds devastating it was an asteroid estimated to be somewhere between 10 and 15 kilometers wide that struck the earth yeah you actually look up and you can see a second sun in the sky oh that seems bad i don't know how things are 65 million years ago but i'm gonna guess that's still bad Mm hmm. It is. So what do we got? We are at the Yucatan Peninsula.
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September 10th
Are any of them looking like they're going to like they're not interested in eating me like they're chill?
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September 10th
Hmm. Okay. I don't know their name. I'm going to say I see an ankylosaurus. Hmm. That's the dinosaur, if I'm remembering correctly. And also, I might Google this real quick. Ankylosaurus is like the tanky boy. He's like low-key. He's an herbivore. He's very defensive. He's like chill. He's kind of like the large dog of dinosaurs. Not derisive. They are not derisive dinosaurs. No. Supportive.
Distractible
September 10th
So I rip some limbs off of some surrounding trees and vegetation and stuff, and I wave it in front of the Ankylosaurus's face, and I'm like, hey, ah, come on, hey, whoa, whoa, and I get his attention, and he sort of slowly is like, ah, I need some leaves, and comes over, and I lure the Ankylosaurus into the time machine, and then he lays down in the corner to take a nap.
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September 10th
All you got to do is paint your yard for the winter. You got lots of color.
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September 10th
I grabbed a couple of very safe-looking branches off of one plant, and then they were fine.
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September 10th
You grabbed as many different types of foliage as you could find. I grabbed one thing.
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September 10th
Also, we're going to be like freaks of nature tall. I just want to throw that here. People in this time period, very short. I don't know if you've seen mummies. I have not.
Distractible
September 10th
i don't good yeah good what i do is before i head out i go and i start digging into my many many boxes of pokemon cards and i know it's potentially throwing away a lot of money but i need to find a meowth card I need to find a Meowth. And so I keep looking until I find a Meowth. It's a pretty common card. So I probably find that pretty quick. A few packs. I don't know.
Distractible
September 10th
What I'm going to do is I'm going to use that card as proof that I have been sent by their alien gods, the cats, to assume control of the empire. I go straight to the throne room. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And I seek a council with the great pharaoh? Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's a, you know, leader person. It's not called a throne there.
Distractible
September 10th
And I present the Meowth card, and in my broken Egyptian that I get to know because Mark said it, I explain to everyone in the room, and especially the guy in the fair chair, that that's actually me. That I have assumed a human form because I'm here on Earth, but I am actually this cartoon cat and their supreme...
Distractible
September 10th
Okay. I turn into, what's that guy's name who hangs out with the King of Rohan in the Lord of the Rings movies? Tim Allen.
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September 10th
I turn into Tim Allen and I grab the forearm of the Pharaoh as it rests on the fair chair. I lean in and I say, you know, we really shouldn't have all these slaves. God says, let them go. God is me. I say, let them go. Eventually he gets it. Cause again, broken Egyptian language, but, uh, I get the message across.
Distractible
September 10th
Is that open? I only, I know it was closed last time I was down there still.
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September 10th
Oh shit, I did. Wade said the word. Oh fuck. I did accidentally say the word. What does that mean? I don't know. Wade said the word, which means Wade triggered it. I have no idea what the last points you gave were.
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September 10th
He had just abolished slavery. That had just happened. So Wade is challenging that I did not succeed in eliminating slavery and freeing all the people.
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September 10th
It was two days, but that's fine. So three heads, and that's a success, and that is unfair, and it gets changed. Three tails, and that's a failure, and that is very fair, and it's doubly, made doubly fair, whatever Mark determines that to be. This is a confusing rule that we invented.
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September 10th
guy is tails because he has a tail head head bird tails yeah yours don't need explanation are we doing this yes ready here we go head head tails all right okay all right almost had that i don't know what would have happened if anything went wrong there
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September 10th
And if you wanted to get across the river on that side of downtown, you had to like go across.
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September 10th
When the Pharaoh died and they started doing what I was saying on my way out, I just sort of grabbed his outfit. He had the big staff thing and some jewelry and stuff. And I just sort of stripped him naked and took his outfit because he didn't need that anyway. Yeah, he was dead. He probably had like death clothes for the pyramid or something.
Distractible
September 10th
I brought him from the future. I unshipped my pants on that one and went back in because of time travel.
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September 10th
doubloons okay and i take that gold and i find a huntsman because this is definitely a point in history where there would be a huntsman somewhere and i offer him several pieces of gold and i say i need you to kill me a bear and bring it back here and the huntsman is like more gold and i'm like yeah whatever i give him a little bit more gold and he goes and kills me a bear and brings it back
Distractible
September 10th
Okay, so the bear is back. What I do is I'm using the... dagger that was apparently on the Pharaoh's hip from the previous stop. Okay. That's fair. I skin start skinning the bear and I peel it off.
Distractible
September 10th
And what I really do is I turn the bears front two legs into like a wearable cause play suit where like, if I put my arms in and there's like some strapping across the back and it's like, I have, I have a,
Distractible
September 10th
bare arms and i go back to where the time machine was to that nice building and i just strip off the rest of my clothes and i just start running around scaring people i don't do anything other than scare them i don't hurt anyone i start running around i force my way into the building start talking to all these guys in powdered wigs and stuff and the whole time i'm just screaming
Distractible
September 10th
And I'm just like, screaming at everyone because I read that I have a right to bear arms and I'm just running around screaming at anyone who will listen. And it's terrifying and confusing. And I hear some of the guys as I'm running away, mumble to each other like, you know, we don't really talk that one out very much, but that is confusing, isn't it?
Distractible
September 10th
That's some loose language we put in that Second Amendment, huh? And then I think they say something about going back to the drawing board and maybe rephrasing some of the stuff they'd been working on. No idea what they're doing. I just keep sprinting around with my bloody bear arms strapped onto my smaller human arms.
Distractible
September 10th
And once I'm out of energy and I've scared as many people as humanly possible, I just grab like a kite with a key tied to the string and get the hell back in the time machine.
Distractible
September 10th
All right, well, I can kind of see why Ben's probably such a dick, I guess. Everyone's just taking all his stuff all the time.
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September 10th
I was just reflecting on my actions. Am I the reason the Second Amendment exists? Is that what you're going to land on, Mark?
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September 10th
If the actions that we decided to take actually did happen, how many extra points do we get? Is that bonus points?
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September 10th
But honest to God, it's been the exact same concern. I lived on 75. I lived at where you live there to the forum, right? It's right over 75 there. It's the exact same construction somehow since I came to Cincinnati in 2007.
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September 10th
I feel like that explains why there are historical pictures with you in them.
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September 10th
What if we're just priming the masses to understand the nature of our true existence?
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September 10th
that it was you oh yeah you yeah you started with it's a fucking thing it's a fucking thing i say it much after that you were oh yeah yeah absolutely egypt you were all over yeah actually i'm not a hundred percent sure but i'm pretty sure that would be you win i'll take it i'll take the credit for the fucking that's a good one for like long term though because that that definitely comes up here's the wheel are you prepared yes i think so yes spin number one
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September 10th
I don't know why I just feel like this is Wade, but I'm trying to remember the moment that I'm thinking of.
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September 10th
Why is it so loud this time? Ow. Wait, it was loud that time? It was so loud that time. I didn't change anything.
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September 10th
Well, remove... Yeah, no doubles. That's not terribly likely that that happened, but... God, the wheel's so loud. I'm sorry. I don't know how to mute that.
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September 10th
i can reach all the way up there we can re-roll again if you want like i don't mind no i think i think that's definitive well that just means it ends in a tie right no it doesn't end in a tie if i oh no wait wait shortest the shortest gets the fuck yeah yeah see yeah unfair
Distractible
September 10th
oh too late we've been too late no he's allowed i think you get one each right isn't it one per episode i guess i was assuming it was one each but i don't think we were that specific about it well the danger of it is because if you call out someone for saying unfair does that use up yours man that rule is really obscure it does say once per episode you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud
Distractible
September 10th
But I think we meant it as each of the competitors. I mean, Mark is the host. Mark gets to be the interpreter of this.
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September 10th
Uh, yeah. Uh, you know... I gotta be honest, I kind of gave up on this one. I think I could have done better. I think if I knew more history, I could have done a little bit better. And I was even looking stuff up and I still, you know what? It's my own fault for being such a stupid piece of shit, really.
Distractible
September 10th
If you look around the world, outside the U.S., anywhere else in the world, and you look at the direction transportation is going, trains are out. They are awful. Nobody else uses trains. Nobody else. No other countries have all their major cities connected by trains. Major train corridors connecting cities from different countries to each other in a big network. That's the past. Okay.
Distractible
September 10th
I should have just followed my most base carnal instincts and I would have had much more of an impact on the world than I ended up having. And that's just what you get. You think you're clever? You're not. I don't mean you. I mean me. I'm talking to me. This loser speech is targeted at myself. Anyway, I deserve this. I deserve this. I earned it. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
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September 10th
Oh, I thought you were saying that to us. You were just threatening everyone in general.
Distractible
September 10th
In what way are you covered for ground on that? Will you take the horse and leave the boat?
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September 10th
I think you're talking specifically about land horses. When I hear horses, I think of the kind that live in the ocean.
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September 10th
I mostly saw people talking about BDSM and being very concerned and confused about it. And then I saw some people who were like, oh, good for Mark.
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September 10th
The casualness that their subreddit started just talking about that, I mean, like, that's the first thing I thought of. I was like, oh, different circles, huh?
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September 10th
It's a specific subset of the fan base, and it's the kind of person that goes on Reddit. So maybe that says more than anything else.
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September 10th
Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, Wade doesn't actually look at the subreddit ever, so he doesn't know.
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September 10th
when your when your liquid cooling loop on your server rack explodes and coolant goes everywhere the worst thing that could happen is frying a couple uh cpu or things or whatever but slay when your crucible filled with molten aluminum explodes it's probably less funny sla maybe it's just as funny i don't know that's probably fine you know i think that if i just add some glabra salt to it it'll be 100 perfect
Distractible
September 10th
This is a thing I've been super ignorant about that is not new, but I think it's really interesting. And so I want to talk about it since we're talking about Mark making stuff and killing himself eventually with molten metal. Guys. Have you checked out your local libraries recently? Because that is not what I thought a library was. My local library is cool as shit.
Distractible
September 10th
So there's a little branch I've been going to that's just books and tiny little thing. And it's very nice and convenient because it's close. But I went to like a big branch, which was only 15 minutes away, only a little bit further. They have a makerspace where you can have access online. to CNC laser cutting, 3D printing services, large format printers.
Distractible
September 10th
Literally, like you can make appointments and be like, I want to make this thing and I have a 3D plan or I want to make this thing and they'll help you make like a 3D plan of it or whatever in SketchUp or something. It's cool as shit. I just want to throw this out there. If you haven't checked out your local libraries, you should do it because they're doing some crazy shit over there.
Distractible
September 10th
It's not just books. DVDs. They have DVDs. They have video games. They have podcast kits you can borrow, which is literally like a Zoom recorder and a couple of mics and a couple of headphones. And you just like in a briefcase and you take it and go and record something. Our library is great. I was like, I just need to send a fax. So you guys have a fax machine.
Distractible
September 10th
Subject is an ominous word, but hi. Hello. Hello. Congratulations. You earned this.
Distractible
September 10th
And then I just wandered around for half an hour because I was like, holy fuck.
Distractible
September 10th
Vote yes on your levy. I know for a fact on the next thing we get to vote on here on our local stuff, there's a levy coming up. And I was going to vote yes anyway, because generally I'm like public schools, libraries. I like these things. But now I'm even more motivated. I want to get more people to vote yes, because the library is doing some crazy awesome stuff.
Distractible
September 10th
They didn't have to undo anything. That's just the nature of what's it called? Ballot initiatives in Ohio is definitely what those were, which is just the voters telling elected officials like, yeah, we want this. They don't have to do shit. Our state government is designed in a highly questionable way.
Distractible
September 10th
I was shocked when that came out and I looked into it and I was like, oh, well, aside from it being completely insane, they actually totally can do that. They can just ignore the fact that we passed a ballot initiative saying that we wanted to try and reproduce the lights in the Constitution or legalize marijuana or... Well, they can just look at me like, nah, you guys are stupid, even though...
Distractible
September 10th
We're in the middle of the Ohio weather that just makes you feel awful all the time because it was like there were like two days last week where it was like 65 and sunny and we went outside for the first time in a couple months and it was like, oh. I wish I wore shorts. And then it was in the teens again over the weekend and raining. And it's like warm-ish today, but it's raining.
Distractible
September 10th
fact they actually don't have to listen to that either to see the see the final count on the vote and they're like i don't know i don't want to do that guys shouldn't that mean that you could just walk into the state house and be like i'm a legislator at demand a desk and what are they gonna do not listen to you because you're just doing you're just doing what you want they respect the confidence honestly they'll respect the confidence
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WordPad Broke
Yeah, that did, because it was tucked away inside it, and these just magnetically... Oh my god.
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WordPad Broke
I'm not hearing a no. There's a... Huh? You all right? Chlorophyll? That's the powerhouse of the cell. Wait, what the fuck? All right, so if you go on Wikipedia to Chlorophyllia, it says at the top, quote, Clussie redirects here for the village in Poland. See, Clussie.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
A short, but not bad. All right, Bob, you're going to go first. All right. You find yourself in some tight, enclosed space as your consciousness awakens. You're cramped. You're trapped.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
You need to be free, so you poke with your tiny little sort of beak out, and then you put your flippers all kind of... There's a bright light behind you, and then there's kind of a moon-shaped thing over where you kind of hear a little bit of water. Also, birds are around, and everything is terrible, and there's cars rushing by on the road that just so happens to be nearby.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
You are a baby sea turtle that just hatched, and you gotta get to the ocean. Everything.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
is killing you the light the road the cars the predators everything is out to get you how would you win am i fully out of the egg or am i just erupting from the egg let's say you're half out your your upper half is out because obviously the first step is get myself fully out of the egg get all the egg goop off of me and aim towards the water sound okay all right you try that that's a plus one for sure
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And now I'm completely unsure if this idea is going to work at all. But hey, that's a problem for future me. In about 15 minutes, I'm either going to have something or not have something. But in that interim, might be the only valuable part of this episode. So we're going to make it a good one. What episode? This is the name of the episode. Hey, man, I am brimming with confidence.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
nope you get 13 plus one is 14 you get swooped up by a seagull instantly dead all right wait i open my eyes i see the light i get myself the rest of the way out of the egg i hear the water i start to go that way and i realize i need to stealth i dip my head back in the egg get a little bit of goop to put some stealth paint on my face and then i make my way in sure plus one i'll take it
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Did that work? Nope. 12 plus 2, 14. The time you took to put it on your face, another seagull just swooped up right behind you. Man, if only we were old enough to have established brains. Nope. Bob. I erupt out of the egg. I take my time. I get myself all out of the egg. I hear the ocean sounds, and I look that way, and I start walking, and I realize I need to be disguised.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
So I go back to my egg, and I camouflage my face with egg. goop for some reason and i realize going towards the water is what they want me to do So I go the opposite direction from where I hear the ocean noises as fast as I can. I don't know if that's been in my science class. I've learned that that might be bad, but I like where you're going with it. I'm a maverick.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
All the other sea turtles are sprinting towards the ocean and they're still dying. Clearly. I'll give you a plus one on that. I'll give you, I'll give it to you. Did it work?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
plus three that's not great here's a five it turns out going the wrong way not great dead uh crushed by a car instantly smooshed uh wade i hatch out of the egg i am alive and i hear the water so i start making my way toward it before i realize i should probably have a disguise dunk my face back in the egg to stealth up and i think to myself all the other idiots are going that way what if i think outside the shell
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
i turn around i start going the other way and i find this weird stinky white kind of gray pile and i flip over and roll in it thinking if i cover myself in bird shit no one will want to eat me my face is covered in goop my shell's covered in shit i will survive all right i'll give it to you plus four Ooh, 14 plus four is 18. Close, but not quite. A lot of delaying does not seem to be helping you.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Delaying what? I'm already going the wrong way, man. All right, fair enough. Bob. I am born. I come out of the egg. I get all the shell off of me. I start towards the water sound. I realize I need a disguise. I go back to the egg. I dip my face in the egg. I get the disguise. I decide I'm going to be a maverick. Everyone else is going towards the water. I go away from the water.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I come across a mysterious pile of white stuff. I suddenly realize it's bird shit. Obviously, I need to roll around in that. So I do. My shell is now very, very slippery. I look to my right and there is a steep hill down into a small stream of rushing water. It's a, it's a, it's an estuary connecting the inland oceanic waters to the beach, all the rushing out towards the ocean.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And I just, and I try and like slide down the hill into the water to escape. All right. Yeah. Plus one. I'll give that to you. Did it work?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
18 plus 5 23 the estuary what is that I don't think estuary is the right word no you're absolutely right a partially enclosed body of water where rivers meet the ocean mixing fresh water with salt water oh alright Bob is a maverick turtle congratulations Bob you made it into the ocean there's more threats in the ocean but you made it to the ocean No, I'm fine. Once you're in the ocean, safe.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Nah, I'd win. Nah, I'd live. All right. Wade, you're feeling a little something. A little something something. A little something something something. You look across the leaf. You're on. And you see the most beautiful lady praying mantis you've ever seen in your life.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And you know who else is brimming with confidence? These two gentlemen right here. Bob and Wade. Hey, how's it going? Yeah, what's up? How's it going? I'm already having a good time. I love this. This is a great episode, Mark. Thank you. I'm just so sorry that the viewers, the listeners have had to miss out on watching Mark's creative process.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
you my friend are getting lucky tonight nothing bad ever happens to a praying mantis when that happens except it bites your head off for those who don't know when male praying mantises mate with the female they then get their head eaten by the female but not you wait how would you win in this scenario i show up to my date with this female praying mantis and i am ready to go
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I, uh, broke my neck, so I'm wearing a nice little wooden neck brace, so that way when we get done, the only thing I have on is exactly the protection I need. Uh-huh. God, I hope that's a nat 20. I love the prep time. I really like it. That's great. All right. Did it work? Fucking hell! Holy shit! What the fuck? What?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
what the fuck no what the fuck great scenario mark holy shit all right wade got a nat 20 if people didn't uh guess from that holy shit hey praying mantis is out there all you gotta do is fake a neck injury you'll stick around longer wow the wooden condom really uh really did you right hey protection is always the answer everyone Bob, you didn't even get a chance to get laid.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Uh, that... Well, that means I survived. I don't know. That's true. Man, I'm burning through my scenarios. Alright, so, here we go. It's okay, Will. I need to catch one good one for it to take the entire rest of the episode. Alright, Bob. It's night. It's dark. Can't see a thing. You're just minding your own business. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. What is that?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
There's some kind of weird bright blue light over there. It's so captivating. And it's got this weird buzz to it, but that just makes it more appealing. You being a moth. It's only until you get close enough that you realize you're on a collision course with a bug zapper. Now, in this scenario, not only are you... You can't just fly away.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
You gotta stop this bug zapper so that none of them, none of your people... ever because as you get closer you witness one after another after another of your friends family brothers sisters even some people that you work out of the same moth office with that you don't really like they get burnt to a crisp right before your eyes you need to stop this it's up to you and you alone Okay. I'm a moth.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I see the bug zapper. I'm drawn to it. I'm on a collision course with it in a last ditch effort to break the trance it has over me and save myself so I can continue to fight this fight. I wrap my wings around myself and hug my ass goodbye. But in doing so, I cover my own eyes and break the trance the thing the blue light has over me.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
all right that's good that's good i'll give you a point for that all right did it work 24 oh come on you aerodynamically fold your wings in so that you actually increase your speed and you kind of like meteor straight into the like right between the wires straight into the actual light itself the the most electrified area at least it's quick
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
This will be the first time we do a cold open for a distractible episode. Yeah, maybe. Four minutes of thinking. If you didn't know, this is how I come up with all the plot points to heist in space. It is just me going... Trying to work it through. Well, you start off by beating yourself repeatedly on the head, and then came the... It's all going very good over here at Distractible HQ.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
uh no luck there wade the light it's so beautiful i can't look away i fly toward the bug zapper then at the last possible moment i realize i need to cover my eyes i fold my wings and over myself and begin to plummet i plummet and plummet and plummet and then oh no i'm gonna split oh i'm fine because i'm so light i didn't do anything useful there i just fell
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
All right, no points for that, but yeah, you're right. Was that helpful? No. I just really wanted to land, you know? Come on, Twink! You land, the bug zapper explodes for no apparent reason. Scenario over.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
ah so close there it's an 11 damn it plus one because you didn't get a bonus point put you at 12 i can't believe hitting the ground wasn't a bonus uh turns out the bug zapper it detached at that moment crashed down right on top of you the odds Bob, it falling is not in your reality. That's just for his reality. Okay, no, I got it, I got it, I got it.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I am flap, flap, flapping, and oh, the blue light is so beautiful, and I start flying towards it. At the last moment, I realize I need to close my eyes.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I need to break the line of sight, and I wrap my wings around myself, and I just barely miss the bottom edge of the bug zapper, and I plummet, and I plummet, and then I realize, oh, fuck, I'm falling, and I put and land delicately, and I've landed delicately. on the fly rink of Gary, the night watchman, who sits beneath the bug zapper. It's there to protect him from bugs.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
dude i get to keep going this is a kind of a long step i just realized i have a couple more things i was hoping to accomplish i don't want to i don't want to overdo it i don't know i wanted to accomplish more than fallen too man i have gotten his attention all right cool he knows i'm there that's fair all right i think this could work in your favor i'm going to give you one because i think i know where this is going so there's two points right now
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Oh, 17. Oh, so close. If only I'd earned a point for you. Yeah, imagine if you'd done anything at all.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
aside from describing what i did in slightly more detail i think it's a strategy he's really playing the the smart game the third episode we know how to really play it but no that did not work but you did grab his attention he ended up just yeah i was afraid of that did you fly to his head or did you land on his head i that's the thing we landed on after plummeting okay All right, wait.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I can't help myself until the last possible second. I close my wings around my face, blocking the light. And I fall, I fall, I plummet until I land on the fly rink of one Gary. Gary, feeling something on his head, immediately goes to reach up and swat at it. But I'm right below the bug zapper. What if he hits it? What if he knocks it off? What if? What if? What are you doing about it?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Watching Gary swing? Not actually technically doing anything. Fuck! Man, Wade really likes not doing anything this round. I'm rubbing his head to add extra itchiness. Wade's entire action can be described as... Very moth-like.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
If that fucking works... not it did not work 14 plus 2 16 again he notices his hand as you watch it you're like oh wow he might hit it wow that's getting closer huh that's really bob i'll do better i got this man i'm gonna lock it it's not a bit or a strategy you're doing on purpose it's very impressive Thank you. I'm locking it. I'm locking it. Alright, he's locked in. Alright, Bob.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Alright, I'm mothing around. Oh, the light is so beautiful. I fly straight towards it until the last possible moment when I cover my eyes with my wings and I start to dive. And I just missed the bug zapper and I dive straight down, landing on the fly rink of one Gary. Gary notices me land on his fly rink and I do something. I'll tell you what in a second.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Gary starts to swat at me and I do that thing that moths do where I start flying, but I start flying right into his forehead in the same spot repeatedly, even though I could clearly fly in any other direction. But my goal is to get him to start swatting wildly and hope that he knocks off the bug zapper and destroys it. And I did something that time. All right, this is great.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
But how good is it? These gentlemen are going to tell me. How good is your lives going today? Guys, my woodworking journey... That was a bad whistle, but it's going well. Better than that whistle implies. I have legs of a... I'm building a table for James. Did you guys ever covet when you were kids like those train activity tables where you built the little wood, where you would train on it?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
You're dodging, you're weaving multiple slaps. Let's see if that goes well for you. Get a bonus point. It's plus three now.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Oh, God. Wait, wait. No, that's good. Yeah, plus three. Yeah, you did it. Yes. Congratulations, Bob. You actually did something. Doing something works. And by doing something, he flailed twice, three times, and on the fourth, his hand connects with the bug zapper. He gets electrocuted right as you just so happen to leap off of his forehead, so you don't also get it. You see his skeleton light up.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
My family! My kids! No! But then, boom! Him and the whole thing just explode. Your moth brethren saved forever. I fly away like the guy from CSI Miami, and I don't even look back at the cool explosion. That's incredible. And then they play that Who song.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I see. I see. Don't copyright strike that. I know it's really good. I really want to say I want to thank Bob for doing anything. Carrying a little bit that round. My contributions, I think, aided in your creativity. You're welcome. Sure. But my actions, I think, speak for themselves. We'll see how this next round goes for you. I'm curious and excited. Nat 20. Okay, Wade.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Once again, we're visiting Bugland. All right. Channel your inner bug. I was a great mantis. Great mantis. We have done a fly matchup before. You are actually the same fly that killed that frog. The fly who lived. Got a little lightning bolt. Oh, yeah, that's true. You got a lightning bolt. Remember that detail. It's very important. All right.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
You're actually distant cousins with the moth who lived also. So legends, you know, a lineage of legends here. And on your victory lap, you notice, oh. There's such a sweet, delectable scent in the air. Hmm. It's down there from that plant. It's so open and ready for me. And it smells so succulent and sweet. You deserve a tasty, delicious treat while you are doing your victory lap. You land on it.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
So you're already on it when you realize you're in a Venus flytrap. Quite the scenario I'm in. I am the fly who lived. I have the scar on my forehead to show it. My cousin moth has tried to one-up me, but I know that the legend of me will be larger than any moth. So I knew what I was flying toward. I knew what was in this area, the Venus flytrap. I flew down. I landed on it.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Don't worry, there's an action coming. This is why I set up the scenario so you didn't have to say it again. But it's part of it, alright.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Uh-huh. The fly lift. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut off on your very extensive speech. Go on. I land on the Venus flytrap, but I've got my fly boots on, so I can get up. Huh? What? I have my fly boots on. I slip them off and get ready. Like you land and your boots stick and you slip your feet out of your boots and the boots stay behind. Because this wasn't a trap for me. This was a trap for it.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
What, do the boots have explosives in them? How is that a trap? I don't know, that's up to you, man. I took the boots off. Oh, okay. All right, here we go. I'll give you one, sure. There's no way. No. I swear to fucking God, Wade. No! What in the fuck is wrong? I mean, Bob, you're saved from having to recite all that bullshit. How in the world? How? How in the fuck? How in the fuck?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I'm building one for James. And I have almost all of my wood milled down and cut down to size, and I got pocket holes. I'm doing pocket holes, guys. I got a pocket hole jig, so I drilled a bunch of pocket holes. All I need now is plywood, but I don't have a car that you can fit sheets of plywood in, because I don't have a cool truck like Mark does.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I want to tell you, I play D&D every Wednesday on Lost Initiative. I have never had more than two 20s in a session, I don't think. Three out of like five scenarios? My character's going to die next session because of this luck today. I don't know, man. Oh, the setup. I like these scenarios, man. I don't want to win like this. I want Bob to do my monologue.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Well, he was the fly who lived, so I guess, you know. All right, sure. He died to my boots?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
choked on your boots and died i guess your objective wasn't to kill the plant it was just to survive no i wanted to kill the plant i was with you wade i was also working on a way to kill the plant that would have been fine i would accept it would love to see that one all right fine whatever i didn't roll the dice man maybe roll worse on my behalf asshole i have one more i have one more i have a strategy wade i think it's gonna keep us in this one for a while
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I'm gonna do stuff. Good. And monologue less. Okay. All right. Okay. Uh, Bob, you're Bob. Okay. Just Bob. Bob is out on the top of a hill in the middle of a park. Lovely, beautiful day. Sun is shining. Birds are mysteriously silent. There's a strange air rushing kind of down. That's odd. It's getting brighter too. That's even stranger.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
So I have to go somewhere and trust the people who work at the store to cut my plywood down to size for me, which is not a thing I really trust them to do, but I'm sure it'll be fine. But then once I have that table, I also have some little cutoffs of hardwood I'm going to make. Get this.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
napkin holder i like napkins i use them when i make the napkin holder i can bring it here and show it on camera it's like the restaurant ones where you have napkins on both sides or is it fancy so you only pull napkins from one side or it's not a dispenser it's like a it's like a holder you just set napkins that makes more sense it's not like an industrial restaurant thing it's like a home thing so i was picturing that i was like how do you make that out of wood but a holder makes more sense because that yeah it's like everything yeah bye mike
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I just barely touched it. Apparently that's a little loose on my mic holder. It just straight up died. But a gunshot sounded at it. Anyway. I forgot to mention this last episode, but by the time these two episodes come out, my birthday will have passed.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
happy birthday yeah thank you i don't want to date the episode too much but it's not quite my birthday just close technically we'll be together at least one more time before then but like by the time this episode comes out it's still pretty fresh so yeah getting older we should do is that our episode and getting older probably that's why mark was so stressed about it i don't know okay do you guys have this thing where like i don't know if you care about your birthdays not at all
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
It's going to get close. I didn't choke. I just have a really weak gag reflex. It just got me a little bit. Tickled the roof of my mouth. I'm fine. Gotcha. All right, Wade. I'm on a hill. I'm wearing my dark sunglasses. I look up. Black hole! No, wait. Swap sunglasses. Ah, meteor. Meteor!
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
i say a little prayer i strip down buck naked bend over aim my ass at the sun knowing at least this will get some good back flat butthole sunning is the phrase i start eating my beans and then i realize oh mark's the prepper this is a burger call call mark hey meteor watch it mark watches completely messes i'm still eating beans i let one rip now just a little poo comes out
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
he flies up in the in the struttle gets out with the chainsaw and is gonna chainsaw it in half right is that the idea okay okay cool i didn't hear a thing from shuttle to chainsaw but all right no i was with him i got i got that one i got that one i'll give you one we're at plus five please six fuck eleven Back to you in the studio, Bob. All right. I'm on the hill. Dark sunglasses. Meteor.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Oh my God, how did I just get spit on my glasses? What is happening?
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I'm giving him a plus one because he's right up against it. It's got to do something, right? Right in the chainsaw hole. And I've eaten so many beans at that point. We really have.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
No, not like this. It's a 13. You're at plus six. No! I gotta go back to the peanut butter now. You don't have to do it. You can stop doing the bit. You did it, yo, so I can't.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
wait as fast as you possibly can wait as fast as you possibly can shorten it shorten it condense let's go i'm on the hill wearing the dark sunglasses black hole no switch sunglasses it's light oh a meteor so i grab my beans oh no i say a prayer i strip down assume the position i'm not eating my beans
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I don't really care about my birthday, but everyone makes such a big deal about birthdays. My family is all like, well, you got to do something. What do you want? What do you want for your birthday? It's like nothing. We could do a meal or something, I guess. No, no. You have to open a present on your birthday. You have to have dinner on your birthday. You have to do this on your birthday.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
more comes through this sounds fake i rolled it it was a 13 before it rolled and did a 13 again and with plus seven you do it i found it i launched my prepper missile i blasted out of the sky you jumped and the beans finally kicked in you farted to slow your descent back to earth you lived All right, that's it. It's done. I'm going to give you the meteor point, but holy shit, I almost died.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
You almost died. We almost died. Bob, what were you putting in your mouth this whole time? I have sugar-free Jolly Ranchers. I had a whole bag of them. I ended up putting... All of these into my mouth all at once at the last one there. But you spat them out as soon as they were in the wrapper. Yeah, I kept putting them in and spitting them out, except for I have one in.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
But now they're all just wet. I hate mine. Yeah, I wouldn't have done that. All right, well done, guys. We got what we asked for, which is that last one lasted longer than all the other ones combined, I think.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
This is truly one where the listeners win, because if you watched Bob and I with all that shit spewing out of our mouths, it wasn't pleasant. All right, I'm going to add on to the wheel. I think drooled the most is a great addition to the wheel. I did drool. Did you drool a lot, Wade? No, I think you drooled more. I spat out more chunks of food. Yeah, but they were dry. See if it comes up.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
The amount of cookie and peanut butter absorbing my saliva, my mouth felt like the Sahara, man.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
i do think you definitely ate more than i did so you got that going for you because i am actually i only actually ate one of these the rest of them are just sitting on my desk in a wet pile yeah if it lands on drool i'll give that to you because you had all the wrappers and like saliva inducing candy that's the most damage i've done to my microphone in a single activity in a long time i'm gonna be finding chunks of thin mint and do-si-do wherever the hell these things are called for weeks to come
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I think it'll be worth it. Wade, I'll read your points first. You got a birthday point. Happy birthday. Thank you. You won the ant thing by infecting everyone. You wore a wooden condom to save yourself from being eaten by your mate. Both of those nat 20s. You got the fly who lived. Again, nat 20 king here. I give you a point for it's very dark. It's very bright. AJ Frost...
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And then the meteor point. Bob, you worked your wood. I wrote this down as Wilhelm Mike, because I just imagined as it fell, it did the Wilhelm scream. Post-Oth, Maverick Turtle, Legendary Moth, Slayer of the... Slayer... What the fuck? Slayer of the Zorboden Land. Forgotten Land? Forbidden Lamp! Slayer of the Forbidden Lamp. That was it. You got a point for it. Launch it! You got a point for it.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Is that a black hole? That made me laugh really hard. Okay. Three-sided die for how many spins of the wheel? Just... one that does not look would look very good for me at all i think wade has a commanding lead nope actually it is tied seven to seven i'll be saved from myself bob can you pull up the the wheel and oh that's right that's my job spin it once this once
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
said fuck the most oh no i have no idea no i don't either oh that's tough we both said it some yeah mark you're the ruler on this it's either i would say either respin or if you have a guess as to who said it the most because i i genuinely do not know i have no idea I've been choking on Cookie for so long, I don't remember what happened prior.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I feel like this game in particular is difficult to call this one because you have to repeat what the others said. We said a lot of the same stuff. Yeah, exactly. I feel like we should re-spin just because this would come down to a coin toss. And that's not what this is about. This is about earning those points. This is about fairness. Yeah.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
No. No. Well, if you're the tallest. Yeah, we decided that between me and Wade, Wade is the shortest, right? Yeah, by like a fraction of an inch. I still feel like that's not like we're basically the same height, but we did decide that previously, I guess. I do agree we're basically the same height, but... But... Post discretion.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
With that, and Wade being fractionally shorter but still freakishly tall, Wade with eight points and the most nat 20s of anything I've ever seen is the winner! Thank you. Speech time? Bob, talk about your loss first. I feel like I worked really hard today.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I feel like Wade spent a lot of time actually doing nothing, actually contributing nothing, and somehow still was rewarded repeatedly for those decisions. But you know what? We built this constitutional republic to be fair and just. And I am in no position to say it is anything but. So fair is fair. Good job, Wade. All right, Wade, winner's speech. It was a good episode.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
It was a very fair and fun episode. The dice spoke. The dice said what deserved to be. And I would argue that of all the inaction everyone's claiming I did, inaction in and of itself is an action. Choosing to do nothing is still choosing to do. But it was fun. I don't think I'll ever have that much luck with 20s again, but I hope I do. Because that was funny and wild and crazy.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And also, if you're ever going to escalate a bit, don't escalate one where you're putting something in you. Probably in any orifice. All right, you heard it here first. Take that trolley problem. Doing nothing, still doing something. He answered it forever. Thank you, everybody, so much for listening in or watching this episode. Hope you enjoyed it. I sure did.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
At points there, I couldn't even breathe. So well done, guys. Thank you for taking my experimental idea that didn't come through and, man, knocking it out of the park. Be sure to follow the podcast for more of this. Let me know what you thought of this episode on the subreddit. Reddit.com slash r slash distractible. One of the highest podcast subreddits out there. I think. Probably. Top 50.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
It's top 1% by size, but who the hell knows what that actually means. Size matters. Size does matter. So go check it out. Merch never. Stop asking. Follow these guys. Minion777, My Scream, Markiplier. Podcast out.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Well, happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. I'm like, it's not really that big of a deal, but I made my small talk about my birthday, therefore contradicting myself. You just make sure that everyone knows that that's coming just so that nobody forgets. Yeah, yeah. Don't forget it, but don't make a big thing about it, but I don't want you to not think of me. I'll send you flowers. It'll be low-key.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
As long as it's not Thor flowers. What flowers? Because you're sending them low-key. Marvel jokes, are those still relevant? Yeah. Not to me. Okay. All right. Well, I didn't give a point for it, but I thought it was at least a little bit relevant. Not that relevant. Yeah, not that relevant. Anything else? Lexi's doing okay, but she has an infection.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
it's not she doesn't have any immunocompromised issues or anything it's just her incision has a infection which is tough on dogs because we've had like the donut on so she can't lick it and stuff but she's doing okay but it's fucking annoying because i can't get them to give me her goddamn medicine they prescribed her antibiotics but they sent it to just like to cvs which i don't know why it never occurred to me but the vet was like do you want us to send it to a pharmacy near you guys and i was like i don't know if we have any veterinary pharmacies and they're like
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I just a CVS or whatever. Like it's the, I was like, you can do that. Oh my God. But it turns out CVS doesn't give a fuck about dogs. So it's been two straight days of me trying to get her medicine and failing so far, but I should have it tomorrow. You show up for the medicine. They're like, you don't look like Lexi. Are you sure you're Lexi? Yeah.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Well, that was a whole part of the thing is they sent the info in this and the pharmacy was like, we don't know this person. Cause they sent it for Lexi my skins. And I was like, it's a dog. That's my dog. And they were like, a dog? No, we have a prescription for a child named Lexi My Skins. Is that? No, it's a dog. It's my dog.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
This is why I thought it wouldn't come here because it's confusing for you people. Anyway, American health care sucks even when it's for dogs. So. I laugh, but inside I cry. I don't even want to talk about it, but I'm still in the throes of my... I talked about I need a prior authorization for my diabetes treatments. Still not settled.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I have about two weeks supply right now of what I need, and I'm not sure where my next ones are coming from because I have a prior authorization, but somehow that's not enough. You need a poster authorization as well. Prior auth, a during auth, and a post auth. You actually need to get the post authorization from a coroner.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
But you have to know which coroner is going to intake your dead body when you die. So you have to go from your future coroner, and you're committed to that coroner once you get a post auth. Do you think people that make coffins have extra wood scraps you could use to make things? Not the salespeople, but the factories maybe.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
But a lot of factories, their offcuts are all bundled up in specific places, so... I guess I'm thinking of very specific old, like, board caskets, whereas they're not really like that at funeral homes. You mean like old pine boxes, like it's the wild, wild west out here? No, I don't think that's how they do it anymore. I don't think I've ever seen anyone buried in a coffin like that anymore.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I know an expression about a coffin, of having a... Something about pine something something. Yeah, something like that. I remember it so vividly. Like it was yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. I'm going to fit him with a new pair of pine shoes. Oh, you're referencing the old phrases. I see. You're going to be sleeping with the squirrels. Pine shoes? I don't know. Pine overcoat.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Pine overcoat is the coffin. Pine overcoat. That was it. This episode is brought to you by Walmart. I'm a busy guy. I don't have time to grocery shop. I'm always busy, but more importantly, I'm very lazy. I like to have things delivered because it's convenient. Meat. What else people buy? You can choose the date and the time. You never feel more powerful. Walmart subscriptions.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Groceries and essentials delivered on repeat. Welcome to your Walmart. Shipping, delivery, and minimum order fees may apply. Eligible items only. Terms apply. All right, it's time for the idea. I'm excited. I hope you are. I just want to know what it is at this point. There's been a lot of buildup. A lot of buildup for something that I've been trying to imagine how it's going to go.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And the title just changed, so you didn't know that up until this moment. Yeah, so we're actually going to change the title 20 minutes into the release of the episode. Make everyone feel crazy, right? But you're not crazy. Except you are! And for everyone at home, the way this works is... These guys are brimming with confidence. They can surmount every unsurmountable obstacle in their path.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
If there's a wall, they're going right through it. In fact, Man vs. Wall... would probably be one of those. I have a similar one here, but it's not going to be first. But damn it, they'd win. No matter the matchup, no matter what kind of logic or science or physics gets in the way of them claiming victory or surviving, whatever is coming their way, they'd win.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
And they're going to tell me exactly how that's going to happen, and I'm going to remember to actually get up a D20. So they're going to present an option. I'm going to paint the scenario of what's happening, what the objective is, what the enemy they're up against. And they are going to tell me an action, a single action that they will do to try to overcome that obstacle.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Each action that I deem advantageous. actually advantageous, gets them a bonus point on their roll. They have to get 20 to overcome this obstacle, but every bonus action that stacks the odds in their favor will give them a bonus towards their roll. So whatever they roll, they get one more if they get one good action. Two, three, it goes up from there.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I have and will not give points if the action very clearly isn't going to help them, but I encourage them to try whatever they want to try. Now, in an invisible coin toss that was extremely fair and no one saw, wade won a coin toss yes so wade's gonna go first all right wade you are an ant A weird particle of dust landed on your head from the ophiocordyceps unilateris mushroom.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I got it. Were you making fun of me? No, I thought we were doing a bit to start the episode. I was trying to participate. No, no. I was yes ending. Oh, I see. All right. All right.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
If you don't know what that is, it's the mushroom that is going to take over your brain and turn you into a zombie and force you to rise up high so that your head can explode and have other spores blast out and infect other ants around you. In fact, cordyceps is the main catalyst in The Last of Us.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
that's not nerdy that's just a thing that's true so to be clear our goal here is to defeat cordyceps if you get infected you wouldn't die nah you'd win how all right there i am hive mentality going and gathering food for the ant colony when cordyceps lands on my head the first thing i do is scream get off me All right. I guess the shaking might help.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Damn it. Didn't make it. Got an 11. You get infected. You rise up high and your head explodes. Bob, remember, you have to recite everything he just said. Sure. Great.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I'm out gathering food for the colony, and a cordyceps lands on my head. And I... SCREAM! That doesn't do anything. And I remember that fungus goes on pizza. Ah, that's the stupidest thing I've ever thought in my life. Hang on. No, no, no. So I go to the old piece of pizza that's laying next to the anthill, and I just roll around in the pizza, try to get the fungus off of me. That might work.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
well i i have it hi welcome to distractible i have an idea for this episode and i was thinking very hard about it and it only came to me right after the last episode that we've recorded and then i was like oh that's good and then i was like oh i got it And then I was like, oh, there's something wrong with it. And then I had to go think about it.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
It's greasy and cheesy, and there's tomato sauce, and I don't know. I'll give you that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. So that's another point. So there's plus two now. I gotta actually remember this, so. And, uh, oh!
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
so close you got a 17 plus 2 is a 19 no you were right there ah almost got it with the pizza but it was a dry old crusty pizza dust didn't come off your head explodes i don't think a pizza I love the pizza idea. All right. Yeah, it's a good idea. It's a good idea. You're right. Wade. There I am. An ant gathering food for the colony. Got hive mentality. Cordyceps dust lands on my head.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Still there. What do I think? Fungus. Fungus goes on pizza. I go. I find a piece of pizza. I'm rolling around hoping the cheese will yank the fungus off, but it doesn't. Luckily for me, the cheese sticks to my head. So I go into the colony hoping the other ants will eat it off. Your head? The cordyceps covered in cheese. Wouldn't that just infect the whole colony? If it doesn't work...
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
Hey, if you can't beat them, infect everyone else. That's what I always say. I don't know if I could give that one a bonus point. In fact, I kind of want to subtract a survival point here. I feel like you disguising the spore with your cheese hat and trying to like go back into the colony. This is about my survival, not the colony. You didn't say which side we were on.
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
I don't think I'm going to give a bonus point for that unless Bob thinks otherwise. It's about saving us the ant, Bob. I think you're probably right, Mark. I don't know. All right, still is. I mean, even if somehow that saves you, if you destroy your entire colony, you survive that as an ant. If they eat it off and kill it, I'm fine. How would they kill it by eating it?
Distractible
Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
That's how they would get infected. Digestion. So did we lose a point for that? I won't deduct a point, but I'm not giving you one.
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Nah, I'd Win (Part 3)
fuck nat 20 holy shit destiny herself has spoken on my behalf not even joking it's nat 20 i could share by screen doubt you would lie about that it is just straight up nat 20 somehow going into the colony and having them eat the cheese it saved you for sure i don't think the rest of the colony survives though I call that not my problem. All right, well, that was a great matchup.
Distractible
Right In The Sauce Box
I was watching it and I was like, this is such a bad idea. He's going to fucking drown. What the fuck?
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Right In The Sauce Box
Neither of us is getting points. I don't know what you're so stressed about.
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Right In The Sauce Box
Wait, does that not get you going? Did that not, was that bad? Wait.
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Right In The Sauce Box
The satisfying tink of your coin is very impressive, Mark. I know, thank you.
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Right In The Sauce Box
This isn't about points. This is the principle of the matter. Yeah.
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Faster or Slower?
I'm not investing in your domino scheme. That's my favorite metaphor. It's a house of cards. Cards stack forever. The only requirement is you need enough suckers at the bottom to build it on. As long as you keep piling up suckers, the cards will go up and up, and you're definitely not trapped at whatever level you happen to be at. You'll be a top card.
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Faster or Slower?
Yeah, they're really stuck down there. Like, even if they wanted to give up, those bottom cards are holding the system up, whether they like it or not.
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Faster or Slower?
Uplifting, Wynn. Thank you. It started there. Bengals, yay! Money, boo! It's amazing how much pro, man, I should have been a pro athlete. They don't tell you that when you're in high school and you're like, oh, let me be a scientist or whatever. No, we should all aspire to be quarterbacks in the NFL. That's where the money is. You know, those guys retire at like the age of like 37, 40 years old.
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Faster or Slower?
Try and remember the third grade. Anyway, I have a topic for this episode. Let's go do that. The last episode, Mark did a sequel to one of his all-time greats. So I'm going to do the exact same thing. Love it. To one of my all-time greats. The original episode that this is a sequel for was called Bigger or Smaller. And it was a real good. I think we might have done two of those.
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Faster or Slower?
I've got a new one, guys. Are you ready? I'm ready. Faster or slower? Right? Uh-huh. Faster, baby. Yeah, it's already good, I can tell. Yes, more. How do I take away collapse?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
suck those back in uh faster or slower last time we did i'm just gonna say a thing and we're just gonna debate whether it'd be better if it was extremely fast or extremely slow as compared to the way it actually works in the real world and we can talk about the nitty-gritty some of these some of these don't make sense and we're gonna have to sort of establish a framework for what it even means for something to be faster or slower but we'll we'll get there we'll get there
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
I'm going to start with one that we've kind of covered before, and I feel like the answer is obvious to just to dip our toes in going to the bathroom. Would it be better if that was hyperbolically fast or glacially slow going to the bathroom? All, all, both of those kinds of things to everyone has to write the hard kind or the liquid kind, both. How much faster are we talking here?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Like a reinforced titanium toilet faster. Ceramics are not going to cut it. And the slower is like, I'm going to need all day for this. Yeah, well, so it's on both parts, right? So I'm imagining that the faster is like, you have to go, your meter builds up a lot faster, so you have to go a lot, but then you only need to go for like two seconds or something, right?
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
So it happens in short, but it's... But so the slow one is like, you only need to go to the bathroom like once a week, but then you're in the bathroom for like... I don't know, like 10 straight hours or something like it's an hour. I know. So it's there's a I don't know what the scale is. Right. But it's something like that where it's it's faster in the doing it.
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Faster or Slower?
But it's also faster or slower in terms of like how frequently that you have to come back around to it.
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Faster or Slower?
You could still keep doing stuff while you were shitting your pants as long as you were going to wrap it up and get home soon enough.
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Faster or Slower?
Everything while you're going to the bathroom, you also either move in super fast or super slow motion. That might change it a little bit. That's like a superpower.
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Faster or Slower?
I told you I picked an easy one to start with. The answer should be obvious. Faster. No.
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Faster or Slower?
done and then you wash your hands you go back out like 10 minutes later you're like time to go again or how frequent if you're pooping for 10 hours i mean it's it's it's up for debate right we have to establish i'm allowing you to imagine however it would pan out and make your arguments so it's not like every five seconds you have to go to the bathroom or something it has you have to be able to live a life is it just me or everyone it's just it's just you oh shit
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Faster or Slower?
No, no, no, no, no. This is an aberration. It's just you. You have to live with it.
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Faster or Slower?
I mean, maybe you just need to build a toilet in your car if that's your life. Really big diaper.
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Faster or Slower?
You need special Kevlar diapers, special ripstop diapers. That's very expensive. Well, you just need, like, an outer diaper, right? You put on your normal Depends, and then you put your Kevlar outer layer on so that you can kind of... You're still going to eat through the Depends, though, if your urine's like...
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Faster or Slower?
if you get like you get like food poisoning or something you get like really bad like diarrhea by the time you're done wiping and cleaning up you have to go again like no
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Faster or Slower?
You think you'd be allowed into the theme park. Eventually the public would understand what's going on with you. And you would not be, you would not be permitted in art museums anywhere. There's a large crowds of people. You would, it would become a, become a situation.
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Faster or Slower?
Thank you. Thank you. This is exactly how I hope this would go. All right. I have another one. This is more of a, I will push the boundaries of this one with, we're going to have to decide what exactly this means, but I experiencing spicy food. I, I struggle. Like I like, uh, I like a buffalo wing. Right. But there's like I have a low threshold for what's too spicy for me.
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Faster or Slower?
And this is a thing where it's like if you ate just like it was apocalyptically, if you ate a spoonful of pure capsaicin or whatever, and would you experience it as a slow, a super slow thing or a super fast thing?
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Faster or Slower?
Yeah, no, you would need like IV fluids and stuff. That would be a whole situation.
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Faster or Slower?
Right. So it's sort of slow and it builds to the same peak of like spiciness. But I guess this is for me a thing where the thing that gets me with spicy food usually for me is the panic where I'll eat something and I'm like, oh, it's spicy. Oh, oh, wait, it's too spicy. It's like, what what do I think is going to happen? It's not like I'm going to pass away because this is spicy. It just is spicy.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
But I have that feeling in me of like, oh, oh, it's oh, God. Oh, God. If it was slower, you could have a lot more time to be like, this is, yeah, it's spicy, but you're like settled, right? You're adjusting. You maintain an equilibrium as you're experiencing the spiciness.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
just right here so it's like the peak is way higher but it's for like a second but it's also like getting a nuke in your mouth so yeah so it's like a total volume thing let's say so like the volume under the curve for the fast one it's a very narrow very tall curve but it has the same amount of like space so for the slow one it's like you're saying it like flattens out and stretches out it's the same general amount of volume of whatever
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Yeah. Well, cause that's even with the way spicy food is normally, that's kind of the thing, right? Like I haven't done it really, but I've seen you do hot sauce and there's like a cycle where you do it and you start it and you're like, Oh,
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Faster or Slower?
but you reach a point where it's still basically that level of spicy but you're just like ah it's gonna be okay and you start to get the like the endorphins or something and it changes right does that mean wade's gonna get a spike of endorphins just as it's gonna be so hot You're going to get so hooked on it. Every 30 seconds, you're going to be like, I need some more.
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Faster or Slower?
no but see that's the thing is I don't I don't do spicy food a lot but I feel that too when I'm in the right mood and I and I there are certain like sauces I know like wing sauces or like flavored things where it's like this is a spice level I know I can handle it's like right up right under my tolerance the experience you have that when I eat those things when I'm in the mood the experience of like building that up and getting the prolonged nature of it like Michael your whole face is like watering or whatever and you're like
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
in it it is it's fun that's part of the fun of it is you're like i'm it's it's i'm surviving this it's fun it's doing something it's i feel alive i got stuff to do i don't have all day to be building up heat like oh you got two days a week to poop
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
Look, this is maybe not a problem that you normal-sized humans have, but my shirt's... Literally, if I don't have the right kind of hangers, my t-shirts don't hang. They fall off. If I have like a slippery hanger, like just a smooth plastic hanger, my neck holes are so big that they barely even stay on. I'm enormous. Oh, mine just sit on a hanger. I'm like an elephant.
Distractible
Faster or Slower?
But it is also way higher. I get where Wade is coming from, but I think I'm going to go with Mark on this one. I like the slow. I will say this debate in other contexts is not going away. So this sort of experiential faster, slower thing, there's other opportunities to litigate this again.
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Faster or Slower?
Elephants have a good sense of smell, right? We've talked about that.
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Faster or Slower?
Also, I do feel bad. I brought up Lexi in the episode that came out recently when we were recording that, and then it's later now. Lexi is okay. She did have cancer. She does have cancer. The surgery was successful. She seems to be healing up okay. We might need to do...
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Faster or Slower?
chemo or something else as a follow-up but like she's got a lot of energy she's eating she's happy aside from her leg i think being kind of sore but she's okay and i'm sorry i left everyone in the unawares it's okay and thank you i saw people talking about that on the subreddit i appreciate in getting older news i have a question for you guys
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Faster or Slower?
least reliable vacuum we ever learned that's what i thought right when we mark i hated your argument so much i agree with me no but i was with you but i that's the thing right is it's hard it's hard to tell now that we're in the future from 50 years ago it's easy for us to to look at stuff and be like look at this thing this thing was built in the 50s or 60s or whenever the
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Faster or Slower?
Look, it stood the test of time. Yeah, well, we fucking know that now, don't we? There were products that were built back then that didn't stand the test of time that we have never heard of. And so you have to have some knowledge or faith in a company and what they're trying to do. And if their goal is to build something that lasts you the rest of your life, you have to kind of...
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Faster or Slower?
get lucky and, or have enough knowledge and do enough research that you find a thing where it's like, yeah, this is a, this I think is a product that will last me forever without having any test samples, because this is a product that didn't exist before three years ago or whatever. But yeah, we had, we spent the money. We were like, let's get a nice vacuum.
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Faster or Slower?
We've only ever owned like, you know, like cheapo, whatever vacuums. Cause we were college kids. Let's get a Dyson. It's on sale. It's still expensive. Let's do it. We'll own this thing. It broke after five years. It just it just stopped working. It had some sort of issue with an electronic and it stopped charging and we got a different battery and that just fucking broke.
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Faster or Slower?
That's why they call men over the age of 65 soggy sex. Never heard that term. It's common. It's common.
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Faster or Slower?
No, I still generally agree with Wade's point. I think planned obsolescence is definitely a thing and it sucks. It's not realistic to buy a thing that costs multiple times more than what it should cost to buy the one that is just on the shelf at the regular store. Just because you think it might last your whole life.
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Faster or Slower?
Because if it doesn't, you spent a thousand fucking dollars on a Dyson vacuum that you threw into the dump when you moved. I'm not mad about it. I'm not mad about it at all.
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Faster or Slower?
All right. Well, we're going to move on from that to something that I'm sure won't be contentious. Faster or slower taxes. And this is one where if you live outside America, it might be hard to connect. The tax systems are very different in other places.
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Faster or Slower?
But in America, the way it works is once a year on April 15th, you have to pay your taxes and you have to guess exactly what that number might be. And if you're wrong, the government gets real upset about it.
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Faster or Slower?
They don't tell you how much you owe to the government, even though the government knows because all the documents you get from your employer or from other sources of income, if you sell stuff online or like we do, we get stuff from YouTube and from doing the podcast stuff. All those documents that you get that tell you about your income, those are all filed with the government.
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Faster or Slower?
Those documents exist because the company that made them to give them to you made them, sent them to the government, And then also sent them to you. And it's your job to figure out what fucking magical math you need to do to figure out exactly what amount you might owe or not owe the government in taxes. So once a year, that's the bullshit. And we're in it right now.
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Faster or Slower?
I don't know if you guys are stressed about it, but I have been for the last couple of weeks bothering myself with taxes. So obviously this was on my mind because it's a tax season.
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Faster or Slower?
And that's the thing too, if you have like where, where we have businesses because of the nature of what we do with YouTube and that's how it works. I also pay taxes year round, but tax day is still a once a year thing. So I'm kind of looking at this through a simplified perspective on it, but yeah.
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Faster or Slower?
I hadn't specifically thought about this one very much, but yeah, something like, I mean, kind of like what Mark's saying or like something where it's like every single transaction you do, which is mostly true depending on what state you live in anyway. But every single transaction you do, the tax is wrapped up into it.
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Faster or Slower?
Instead of paying an income tax, what if it was just like sales tax on everything? And don't want to discuss the philosophy and ethics of tax systems. Don't come at me about, oh, well, that unduly burned. Yeah, I know. I know. But we're just talking about like, is it better or worse? OK, slower would be what you pay once a decade.
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Faster or Slower?
Yeah, slower would be like you pay taxes for each quarter of your life. Your life is assumed to be a certain length. Say you live, they're like, okay, we're all going to live to be 80 years old. Cause dad, Bob doesn't do math. And that's a nice, easy one. So every 20 years it's tax time and you pay taxes on a quarter of your life. And it's awful. It's like a year of taxes or more it's forever.
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Faster or Slower?
But then you don't have to think about that shit for a couple of decades. Is that better or worse, faster or slower?
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Faster or Slower?
Yeah, that's a lovely thing about American system. Why do they withhold taxes but not do it correctly? Like, I understand it's more complicated than that and their math, but... But that just makes it more complicated. It's painful in our line of work as doing YouTube and stuff. No one withholds our shit. No one withholds taxes generally, right?
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Faster or Slower?
We get money for the advertisements just for YouTube, for example. They send that to us and then we have to pay the taxes on it. That sucks because early on in our careers, I don't know if it ever hit you guys, but there were definitely a couple of years where it got around to tax season and I sat down and was like,
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Faster or Slower?
all right all right that's i didn't realize that i had that much youtube bad rev or whatever and oh my god i owe how much money yeah and what the fuck hey hang on the first two years that i started like doing it and like you know like had an accountant and they were like oh yeah it looks like you owe this and i was like
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Well, they're like, no, you actually made this like, but if you know, ahead of time, like now that I know how that works, it's not that bad that I have to do it myself. It's really, it's really not. I just know out of every like income that I get, I'm like, ah, about, 30, 40 percent of that, whatever. I need to save that for tax season.
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And like the withholdings and the getting a return, the government just has some of your money for some of the year because your employer is too stupid to calculate your debt. Why is it anyway?
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All right, differentiate so I can pick who gets points. How fast? Wade said daily. Are you sticking with... Do you want to stick with daily tax settling?
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So there would be some level of efficiency with it. So if it was weekly, say... Yeah, you have to file, but maybe it's like a thing you do on an app, right? Like maybe weekly, every week on Friday or something, you pull up your phone and for like a minute, you're like, beep, boop, yep, approve, done, filed.
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It's not like you have to like do what we do now where it's like you fill out paperwork, you have to mail it, you have to mail hard copies, all this shit. It's simplified to reflect the faster process.
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I mean, that could be modified because the way payments currently work is not set in stone or anything. We could do that however we want. But yeah, it would make sense for it to reflect around that.
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Well, honestly, it's kind of necessary in what we do because shit gets really complicated really quickly when you have to. It's like it's a scam to prop up a whole industry.
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Well, it's already not even, but I guess you both get a point for that.
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Faster or Slower?
heads oh tails uh well mine doesn't even matter uh all right i've got a couple more the growth speed of your fingernails and toenails fast or slow fast slow how would you want to clip more often it's already slow let's experience some speed
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okay but remember the consequence fast nails clipping your nails takes five seconds they grow fast you clip fast slow nails clipping your toenails your fingernails takes an hour and a half even better because slow means i've got more natural weapons if they're harder to clip and break yeah i don't give that one to mark i don't even need a pocket knife i'm just like slink I don't like that.
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Faster or Slower?
That doesn't sound good. That sounds, I already accidentally scratched myself and have a child who, if I'm not careful, I, and my nails are too long. I can scratch. Yeah. Like I don't need weapons permanently attached to my fingers. Everything is plenty dangerous enough. All right. Uh, working out fast or slow fast. And I'll explain, I'll explain it. No, you couldn't, you could stick with that.
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It's the, it takes less time to work out. but also you get even more, like the exhaustion is the same and the result is fast, but the decay is also fast. All of the parts of it are fast, right? So it's not like you can just work out fast and then do it less. You get fit fast and you get unfit fast. And so you have to keep working out just in quicker, shorter segments. And same with slow.
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Faster or Slower?
So before a photo shoot, you really do just like... I'll take fast. Mark still takes fast. Wade, fast or slow?
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Just like work out for a couple of years of your life and then ride that forever.
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Faster or Slower?
Yeah, I gotta go. I was slow. I like that one. We've covered this on different episodes in the past before, and it's going to feel like a personal attack, but I promise it's not, Wade. Hair, fast or slow?
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Faster or Slower?
You're both right, and this is a weird one, but I like getting haircuts, and the idea of a nice, long, relaxing haircut sounds kind of nice. It'd be like a spa day, I'm imagining, almost. Kind of on board with that.
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for some well it's my own fault because i don't go to the same person so every time it's a real gamble no i do that too and it is a real gamble but i like the reward of when you go and you you get a good person and you're like oh man this is the best because a bad haircut it's fine but it's not it's whatever not that bad but a good hair that's surprisingly good haircut long with a haircut taken slow i guess it wouldn't matter if you only do it once every however long
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Yeah. I mean, I'm imagining it'd be like a whole day or something. You have to be kind of, cause hair, I don't know. What's a hair. How long do you think a haircut is?
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Anyway, we all agreed. I only have one more, so let's just do it and get over with. Fast or slow, Mark, you're up first. Doctors. My vision for this one is kind of like the spicy food. You go to the doctor, and if it's fast, you go in and the doctor's like, all right, we're going to have to do a procedure. And they take a huge machine and just... And for like a second, you're just like...
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Just to give it a fighting chance, the slow is a lot like the spicy too, right? The maximum threshold for the amount of pain you have to deal with, the amount of discomfort, the amount of being naked or awkwardly doing things, it's lower, right? It's not as bad.
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Faster or Slower?
It takes longer, but there's no, oh, you're going to feel a pinch, and then it feels like they're stabbing you with a hot poker for 10 minutes while they're trying to do some shit to you or get a biopsy or something.
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It's like one of those Tesla plugs that was supposed to plug itself in. It's just like boys. And they're like, stand up, squat down a little lower, bend over.
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Faster or Slower?
Yeah, it'd have to be pretty precise. I'm assuming it would be. It's not just like, oh, I missed again. All right, stitch him up. God, ears are so hard to get into, you know? Sorry, popped the prostate. I touched it too quick. All right, I have to say, I went into that leaning towards slow, but you both kind of convinced me. But either way, you agreed, so I guess you both get a point. All right.
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No, the fast is terrifying, but all of it is kind of terrifying to me, so I get that. I wouldn't... There are some things where the doctor is just like, all right, we're going to do this, and the whole time I'm just like...
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Faster or Slower?
They don't care. That's the end. Yay! I'm going to add an input to the wheel, and then we're going to move on to the bonus portion. I was going to add something about faster and slower, but I hadn't actually settled on it. Fastest response. I'll say what you got points for, and then we'll do the totals once there's actually points.
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Wade, you got points for WEBN, Ligma69, Economist Wade, Slow Shits, Slow Batteries, Fast Taxes, Slow Workouts, Slow Hair, and Slow Doctor. Wade's a slow man. Fast Doctor. Let me correct that. Mark, you earn points for industry, with a belt, fast piss, slow spicy, fast tax, fast nails, slow hair, and fast doctor. And we are going to do two bonus rolls. Spin number one.
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It always lands here. Maybe this wheel is not very unbiased. Maybe this website is crappy.
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Come on! All right, that's a point for the listeners, and then a point for the viewers. Damn it. This stupid wheel. I have bad news about that, boys. Before the bonus spins, Mark, you had eight points. Okay. And Wade, you had eight points.
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mark and wade tied for first listeners tied for uh tied for third technically listeners viewers tied for third with one point each that means i have to roll the stupid other fucking wheel it's at 10 wade is at 45 mark is at 45 one man show is at 10 all right
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i've only ever thought about punishing mark for this so i have no idea what we would do for you bob but i'm excited to find out i am sure it'll be fine no there's no 10 is nothing and i love it that's all me baby okay mark wins and more importantly bob doesn't lose
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It'd be a re-spin, but double the percentage that a one-man show comes up or something. I don't know. I know we talked in a recent episode about we need to clarify or change that rule or something. I love that it's just fucking bullshit on the spot. That we're like, whatever is doubly fair, doubly unfair. Who knows? Whatever happens, happens.
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Yeah, well, now that we have bonus points at the end, it's really hard while the episode's going on to be like, I'm going to make sure they don't tie at the end so that I don't have to spin the fucking wheel I don't want to spin. Not that I would ever have done that, but congratulations, Mark.
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You beat the viewers and the listeners. And that one was just for the viewers. All right. Congratulations, Mark. Thank you for your speeches, both of you. Slow Wade didn't have it in him. Today, the hare won. Lesson not learned. Parable destroyed by reality. The hare beat the tortoise, and the tortoise is a stinky, stinky loser.
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uh make sure you follow mark and wade on their uh socials and stuff mark plier lord minion 777 or minion 777 follow me make sure you follow the show because then you'll get like notifications when the episodes post and it'll pop up on your devices and you can watch listen mark will be hosting the next one because he is a winner and that's all i have to say about that thanks so much for watching see you in the next episode bye podcast out
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Hello and welcome to another agreeable episode of the Distractible Podcast, where we all nod in agreement, no matter what is being said. I am your host. My name is Bob. I am hosting because I won the last one. I won the last one by competing in it, which is what Mark and Wade, the other two guys here, will be doing.
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Like every few minutes, a skull and crossbones forms in the fumes that are coming out of the stack on the mark factory.
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I know that's a real thing, but something about the way you said W-E-B-N made me think you were having some kind of stroke or something.
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Yeah, didn't Chase's contract like the biggest for a non-QB in the history of sports?
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And Chase's is guaranteed for a lot of it, and Tee Higgins is guaranteed for two years, I think.
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And then one of them will win and they'll host and then we'll all just keep nodding. The nodding is an important part of the show. We do this in every episode. 90% of everything we've ever put on the internet involves a lot of nodding.
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I can't wait for the next football season to start, and we can watch both of these great Ohio football clubs just win and win. All of these hundreds of millions of dollars they're expending onto these four people, if you include the quarterback in Cleveland, which I have no idea what's going to happen with the Deshaun Watson situation, but he gets his money either way pretty much.
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Hey, do you think if we spent nearly $300 million on two receivers, we're going to have enough money to buy anyone who plays defense? Or is that just going to be kind of empty field for the other team?
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Man, I wish I had the kind of money to pay people to play sports. Jesus Christ.
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I've never... Not that I've ever had aspirations to win a Super Bowl that I've meaningfully pursued, but I find it hard to imagine a thing that you could want in life enough to where if someone was like, hey, if you work...
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We actually hold up signs that say, viewers, don't tell the stupid listeners about the nodding.
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for us and don't win very many football games for the next four years but you get paid enough money that you don't ever need to worry about money no matter what you do almost ever again maybe you wanna i feel like it i can't imagine a person who would be like no i need a super bowl I couldn't possibly take $140 million. Like, what the... I mean, maybe it's different. I'm not an athlete.
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I don't understand. I've never had... Like, it was never realistic that I was going to win the Super Bowl or go to the Olympics or whatever. But who could possibly fucking do that?
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Clearly he took the money too. So I'm not saying he's crazy, but I, I don't people, people who were like, like he said, he wanted to be a contender. Yeah. Like you, if someone offered you a hundred million dollars, you wouldn't just give up on whatever your goal was at that moment in time and be like, okay.
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80 million dollars is a lot of money yeah but i'm assuming he didn't have that if he's been talking for half a season about wanting to get out of cleveland and it hadn't materialized yet i'm assuming that nobody else was like oh we'll give you all the money we have well people people reached out cleveland was like we're not trading you they were gonna be they were gonna play hardball about it so he might have had to sit out for a year they owned his soul or something huh yeah he was still under contract yeah
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But then they put a big T in the middle of it. And so it's just a hat that says T-Toss because they literally just put a T over a word that had a different letter in that spot. So there was a T-Toss Rangers hat. And also, the athletics moved, right? Previously, it was the Oakland Athletics. I don't know anything about it, but they moved. The end of the last season was their last season in Oakland.
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Apparently, they've moved to a new city with an S in it. I'm unclear. Anyway, they released a hat that literally just says ass. because their team logo is the A's right? So it's like a apostrophe S and the hat is a S in the background, a S in the foreground shifted to the left. And it just says ass. It's just a green hat that says ass on it in the athletics font. And it's real.
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I wish. It does say, the back does have language on it that says, caution, may cause skin irritation. If it touches you, wash it. I don't think it's that kind of lube.
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It just says ass. Another one I really like is the Los Angeles Angels. Their hat just said angels on it, but it didn't have like LA because that's the Dodgers. The Angels small logo is just the letter A. So the hat just says angels. Or anials or something.
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Whoever designed these hats is fucking hilarious because I think they knew what they were doing. Their bosses might not have known what they were doing or whoever hired the contracted them, but they knew what they were doing. And it's fucking awesome. And they're all sold out because I would have bought an ass hat immediately. No questions asked. You can't buy any of these.
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They're already sold out. Some of them are already taken off the Internet completely. Can't buy them anywhere. I wish I had seen this sooner because I would have bought possibly two or three of these hats.
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Yeah, I mean, I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I generally root for the Reds, but I'm thinking hard about rooting for the T-Tas.
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I think it's like lubricant for machinery. We have a new workout machine that we got in the basement. It's an elliptical, and I think this is like lube to put on the slidey parts.
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I didn't, but I did know that. That's why it's funny. E is pronounced A, so T-Toss. In America, it's pronounced T-Toss. That's true.
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Is that why the Gulf name changed? Actually, the Gulf of Americo, because we renamed the country. It's weird that America has unilateral authority to just do stuff like that. Well, I mean... No, Mark, it's weird that we did that because we did that, and it's a thing now. I'm just saying. Everyone else in the whole world ignoring that we did that doesn't mean it's not true, Mark.
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I assume they sailed up and they sailed past the words Gulf of Mexico floating on the ocean and the cartographer was like, oh, Gulf of Mexico. Man, that's handy. Oh, no, I like Gulf of Mexico better. Gulf of Mexico. Don't make fun of my Ohio accent.
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because it's slidey slides but it's really fucking weird that it's just a nondescript white tube that says lube on it they would have put more labeling on the front but they couldn't afford those letters lubrication is a complicated word don't want to print that on stuff if you don't have to i guess or machine lube thick lube cousin lube what was that last one what was that last one what was the last one huh
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The Best, The Worst
Hero is the other way from one. One is a downgrade from zero. He went from zero up to negative one or hero.
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He went left on the number line, Mark. Left is good. Right is bad. Am I flipped or something? But if he went left on the number line from zero, wouldn't he? Look, the best number is clearly 24. For reasons I can't fully explain, it's just the best number all around. That's a good number. It has multiple divisors, which is very pleasant. It's aesthetically balanced and pleasing.
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It looks fantastic on like a sports jersey or on like a race car application. Yeah. It's not so high that you can't count to it. If you had to, if you had to count 24 of something, you'd be like, nah, okay. Wasn't that Jeff Gordon's number? Yes. A rainbow, rainbow DuPont car. Number 24, Jeff Gordon.
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I don't dislike the number three. I would never have picked that as the best number for my own sensibilities.
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You should be Wad 3, where the 3 is an E, but no one gets that, so they think your name is Wad or Wad, Wad, Wad.
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I forgot. I have a candidate for the worst number. It's a lot of numbers. Any number over 13,000 is the worst number. And any number you name, whatever next number you say that's also over 13,000, that's just the next worst number. They're all the worst. They're all terrible.
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nine cent nonsense cut it out round up or round down stop being a coward and go to eight or zero i don't think it should be legal for prices to include denominations you cannot offer as payment like i get that credit cards and digital transactions you can do whatever you want but there's nothing smaller than a penny if i can't pay it in cash don't fuck don't do it
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Because if I'm paying you cash, you're clearly rounding that shit off anyway. You're not giving me one hundredth of a penny back when I get my change. It's bullshit.
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Yeah, I have cash in my wallet right now. But this is more of personal preference. I feel like the U.S. is a little behind the rest of the world in terms of how our currency is broken down. I really like in Europe and in Canada, I believe, how there's like dollar – and they're not dollars, but they have loonies and toonies in Canada or one or two euro coins in the EU – It's nice.
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You don't need paper that small. You don't need. Singles are for vending machines. I guess America's big on strippers, so you need singles. I don't know. I don't know why it's got to be paper. I like the coins. I feel like the coins is a good direction.
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The Best, The Worst
Who gets a better deal? The stripper? Oh, yeah. Less work, more money? More lap.
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I like Mark's answer. Has a lot of strong points. My answer is just broadly correct. No number over 13,000 has any use to a normal person. They all stink, and they're too big. Can't understand it. Doesn't mean anything. Stinky. Big, stinky numbers. All right. Are you going to decide who's right, or are we just going to do this, and then you're just going to be like, next. I'm marking points down.
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That one's not lube for cousin. That's cousin named lube. Or that famous place in Europe, the lube. Or that place where we're all fam, the clube. Come on, Mark. Get in on this.
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Don't worry. But you're not going to tell us right now. We're just going to.
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The Best, The Worst
I think it's pretty clear that one of us is more right than the other so far on everything we've talked about, but okay, that's fine.
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The Best, The Worst
That wasn't even what Mark said. He said infinity. I know. I said I. He said infinity. Infinity is stinky, though. I feel like that's impliedly included in my suggestion, but it is like a different thing. And I agree.
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A bold take. I was trying to think of something that's not kind of a copy of Mark's answer, but I have a similar thing, I guess. My favorite awful smell is two-stroke engine exhaust. Like the smell of a go-kart or a lawnmower. It smells like I'm inhaling things that will kill me, but also that's a very, something very nostalgic about that.
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That's very like love go carts and lawnmowers and things of my childhood and it's associated with a lot of positive stuff.
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Uh, not, I'm not here to yuck people's yum. Do it if you want, but you have to be some special kind of absolute psychopath to go caving on purpose. Oh my God. I've watched like some of the documentaries about like the guy who got stuck upside down wedged in the, and they just, he just died in there because they couldn't get him out. And they were just like,
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Isn't that the place where babies come from or something? What was that bit? Where babies come from? The boob. They come from the boob. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're right. Let me in there. I'm a baby.
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well see seal that one steal that one up let's just leave him seal that one and that's his cave now but like holy crap all the and there's like videos of a guy being like okay i need to breathe out a little bit more and then i think i can shimmy through It's like just watching those videos. I'm like, ah, fuck.
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And it's, look, it's exploration. And it's fine. People get excited about that and do what you want. But, like, man, of all the types of exploring shit you could do, that has got to be just the most terrifyingly claustrophobic one. Like I wouldn't really want to go in a submarine way down in the ocean or climb to, you know, Mount Everest or whatever else.
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Those sound kind of hard, actually really hard and kind of scary. But the caving thing sounds like fucking, it sounds like a thing you do to a torture a person. Like, you get captured in the enemy prison camp. They're like, all right, your only job is to climb down into this cave and then climb back out every day.
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And you do that until you tell us everything you know, and we'll let you leave or something. It would work. I wouldn't even climb in once. I'd give up. I'd betray my whole, everyone I ever knew just to not have to do that.
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Yeah, everyone's going to know that reference. Let's not explain it. Continue, Wade.
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No, I mean, people get their adrenaline rush in whatever way they get it, I guess, and can't be helped. But, man, I've clicked on those videos that you watch, too, where it's like the story. And I always imagine it's like, oh, well, he must have realized there was something like a gold deposit or something. It's like, nah, he just thought...
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maybe this cave might connect over to this other cave that was also on this, you know, like a mile away. There's a different cave. And he was like, well, if they connect, so then, then they'd be connected. And we would know about that. Yeah.
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And not because the smell particularly is that bad, but because it comes with the realization that now I got to go change that. And it's always like, and he has had some real rippers. That man makes some stinky poop sometimes, but it's even when it's not so stinky, you have that moment where you're like, Oh, let me look. Oh, poopy. Oh, poopy. Okay. Let's go upstairs.
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There's a lot of other parts to it. I'm not going to lie, but that is a part of it.
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No, there's a lot to being a parent. There's a lot of other parts too, but poopy diapers is part of it. I can't lie.
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That's tough. I have known other had friends who have had babies who had that. And I'm really glad James didn't do that because that's there's not much you can do about it. Just happens.
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Oh, yeah, as a movie guy and a horror guy. It feels like one I'd probably enjoy.
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I have one that's really not that weird, but it's weird to me because I don't come from, I'm not, this is not a thing I'm as familiar with. And I've talked about it, I think, on this show before. I went trap shooting. A friend's birthday party happened and we went out and went trap shooting. And I didn't grow up around guns and I don't have any guns.
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And I don't have a super negative opinion, but I kind of fear them from a distance. Just in the thing of like, I don't want that in my house because that could be dangerous and you have to be very careful and safe.
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I was trying to decide if that was funny. I don't like it. It's a trap. Yeah, no, I got it. I got it. It was fun. It was surprisingly fun. And I think both because it wasn't as hard on my shoulder as I thought it was going to be. Definitely get sore, but it's not like I didn't have like a huge ridiculous bruise or anything too bad.
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And it was you could like I didn't hit every shot, but I hit some shots. And when like the thing gets launched and it's going and you're like, yeah, you get it. It's very satisfying. It's very rewarding, and it's not so hard that you can't hit a single one the first time you go out.
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You could hit some, and there were a couple stations where there were two or three that they would fire from different locations, and I hit all three of them in sequence, and it was like, oh, that's nice. That was sick. Cool. It was surprisingly fun, and I'd never done it before. It was very fun. I didn't think I was going to enjoy it that much.
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It's a prune juice company started by a very enthusiastic southern preacher. Prusa. Prusa. Prune juice for your soul.
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You know what? I agree with that. You know what? I don't handle well. I learned this morning. And it was busy. And there were some like frantically upset people. And I am a sympathetic crier. And I did not do very well trying to stand in a waiting. There was like one woman who was there by herself because she brought her dog in because it had seemingly had a seizure or something. Neurological.
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It was very bad. She was like filling out paperwork, weeping, which... I get, cause I would be too. Then there was a family whose dog was like getting treatment who was not doing well. It seemed like the dog maybe was terminal or it was not going well. And they like brought them back to see the dog and then came back out and they were all just like weeping like super.
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And there were some other dogs or whatever animals who were there. And the owners were all like, it was for all for emergencies. And everyone was super upset. And I was like, I'm just here to, My, my dog's fine. We're fine. She's just getting looked at. But like, I, I couldn't, I can't handle that shit in public. That's a, that's a specific type of setting that I'm not in very much.
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It was, I didn't like it. I was, it was hard and not because it was sad, but just because it made me cry for no apparent reason, which made me deeply uncomfortable. Cause I'm staying there with my relatively healthy pet. And she's like licking me and being like, what are we doing dad? And everyone else is like, Please please save my baby. Please help us. It just felt weird.
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I didn't care for it Not in a judgmental way. I'm sorry for those people but but in good activities you ever go to a good stand-up show Even not so good stand-up is pretty fun.
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What'd they send you? FTC, just so we're clear, I think Mark might have got a couple 3D printers or something.
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I don't know if I have anything I've actually done that I would consider the worst. I don't do those things. If I think something would probably be the worst, I probably didn't do it.
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Man, have I never been to a parade of any kind where at any point I was like... I'm glad we came. This is fun. I love that every parade I go to inevitably leads to me getting like way overstimulated or literally sitting there on the parade route just being like, holy fuck, that's the loudest ambulance I've ever seen.
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Yeah, I mean, if I ever do, I'm sure I'll go to a parade again at some point because we have a kid and, you know, he might like it. I doubt it because he's our son. And I don't think Mandy and I are very big parade people. But your plugs will be in order because, oh, my God.
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There was a point in my life where I liked like new metal and I liked metal growing up. And there was a point where I went to concerts with friends and I was like, yeah, cool. And I never actually went in a mosh pit because that sounded really stupid to me. But as as a now looking back on that, I find it so confusing why people like mosh pits.
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The Best, The Worst
I guess it's just exciting, but I feel like the best case scenario is you're like, yeah, I went into the mosh pit. This guy jumped and flipped in the air and kneed me in the face and broke my orbital bone. It was awesome. It's like, what? You... But you you didn't even like hit him back. It's not like you got in a fight. He just did that. And you were like, yeah.
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The Best, The Worst
And then you hit somebody else probably with your what? It's confusing.
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The Best, The Worst
Crazy pits at Ed Sheeran concerts. When he starts rapping, they go fucking nuts in the pit, man.
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The Best, The Worst
Would that mean that Mark would win the episode? Or would the random other person win the episode?
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The Best, The Worst
I don't know if this conspiracy, but I guess this popped into my head. You guys can tell me if this is the idea of sovereign citizenship. Is that a conspiracy or is that more like an ideology? Do you guys you guys know what sovereign citizens are? I think so.
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The Best, The Worst
they're like they're people who claim that they are sovereign unto themselves they do not recognize that like if they live inside the u.s they don't recognize the sovereignty of the united states and they and they'll do shit like put a license plate on their car their car will be unregistered but they'll have a license plate that just says sovereign citizen like i registered this with myself and it's just a
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The Best, The Worst
And this is kind of cruel, but they bring it on themselves. So I feel like it's okay to laugh. Videos of sovereign citizens representing themselves in court. especially for minor things like traffic tickets or like civil disputes or whatever are always so fucking funny. Cause they're like a person representing themself in court in general can be, it's funny, but like, it's kind of sad.
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The Best, The Worst
Cause like they're, you know, they're probably not protecting their personal rights as much as they could if they had a real representation, but maybe they know what they're doing. That's not likely, but maybe, but software citizens will just be the most smug, like funny, full of it.
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The Best, The Worst
They'll be in court and be like, uh, your honor, since I don't recognize the jurisdiction of the state of Maine or of the country of the United States, uh, I move that this be dismissed and the judge will just look at them and be like, This is fucking traffic court. There's no, you don't make motions. There's no evidence. This is not a trial.
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The Best, The Worst
You drove your car 58 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. Do you have evidence that that is not true? And they were like, no, no, I did that. But in the laws of me, that's legal. And and it's just the judges just don't give a fuck because it doesn't happen that often, I would imagine, for any individual judge.
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The Best, The Worst
But when it comes up, it's always it's just always so funny and not because often the person will ultimately still be punished or fined or whatever. That sucks. And hopefully they deserve whatever happens. And it's not like unjust or. Oh, I almost said the word, but I didn't. unjust or unfair.
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The Best, The Worst
But it's just watching judges just tell them to shut the hell up and that they are idiots is always funny to me.
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The Best, The Worst
I mean, yeah, there are definitely in America as much as in a lot of the world or more. And then in a lot of the world, you could totally disappear. You could live off grid in a place where no one could really do anything to you.
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The Best, The Worst
And this is for distractible, right? Do you tell them it'll be on the show?
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The Best, The Worst
Well, West and Southwest. North, North, North, North, North, North, and South Dakota.
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The Best, The Worst
I feel like that idea was floated, and I heard they're not into it. Yeah, like, right. It's hard to imagine why you wouldn't want to give up your national sovereignty to another nation for no apparent reason and become a state. But I heard they're not into it. That's my impression. No, they're going to be called the USA.
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The Best, The Worst
Just because this came up previously and I don't want to have another misunderstanding for everyone on the subreddit and in general online who did not like when we made a joke about Canada booing the national anthem in hockey games and stuff. We fucking know why that happened. And I think I can speak for all three of us when we say, we generally agree with you, just to be super clear about it.
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The Best, The Worst
Did you guys see that? There were people online who were like, how could they not know? How ignorant could they be?
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The Best, The Worst
And if you were sincerely sad, because I understand a lot of Canadians are upset, angry, generally unsettled about what's happening between our country and yours right now, we didn't mean to make you upset. But also... It was a fucking joke. We know. We heard about that. God damn. We also hate us. Nobody hates us more than we.
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The Best, The Worst
Oh, those are so funny, though. Yeah. Did you see the big thing? They went to Antarctica and did a bunch of experiments. And every experiment confirmed that the Earth was round. And the guy was like... Well, I'm going to find some more experiments, I guess, because I know it's flat.
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The Best, The Worst
We still got them. I fucking hope so. I hope they're pulling a huge one over on all of us. Because if not, and they actually believe all that stuff, actually, that would explain a lot of what goes on in the world today.
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The Best, The Worst
What's my worst conspiracy theory? That was a really good one. I don't even know if I have one that competes with that. That's the one. That would be my pick too, honestly. I think that I was about to arrive at that before Mark said it out loud. It's just dumb. It's just dumb. It is still funny, but in a much more depressing way.
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The Best, The Worst
Even by Markiplier standards, which people, when they find out, like, oh, you're Markiplier, they'll often get really hyped up and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, use our thing. It sounds like they really got the hots for you.
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The Best, The Worst
But Sovereign Citizens isn't that sad up close. Like, you might feel empathetically bad for the person, but they're doing it to themselves. No, no, I don't feel bad for them. I feel bad for people who have to deal with them.
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The Best, The Worst
You have to do the D3 thing, and then we'll know how many spins. How many spins we got? Three. Oh, boy. It's party time out here. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
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The Best, The Worst
Might as well go all in. I'm eating a Jolly Rancher while I spin the first spin. Oh, blue and purple are pretty close, right?
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The Best, The Worst
I think I came up with that because you were wearing the one tan shirt that you own. And I was like, you blend in. Spin number two.
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The Best, The Worst
And spin number three. Please end in a tie for Wade. Please end in a tie. It's possible. Keep going, keep going, keep going.
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The Best, The Worst
I mean, it's, is it between Mark and I, who's the baldest or is it, it's supposed to be, I have, I'm receding. You can see, I have a little, I have a little, it's receding. Do we just re spin this one?
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The Best, The Worst
My hairline goes as far back as my ears are over here. It's climbing.
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The Best, The Worst
Wait, just try and negotiate the point so that he doesn't do the one.
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The Best, The Worst
Yeah. So you're just trying to make it so you don't get the point for baldest.
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The Best, The Worst
If I win, I'm bald. so wait so if mark wins he's bald if mark loses all heads mark is bald all tails bob is bald no well the it would be doubly unfair which would mean wade would get two points yeah i guess so yeah i guess between me and him wade has to do two one-man shows i don't think that's how we're doing heads for mark anything else doesn't really matter
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The Best, The Worst
Yeah, I would reflip. I would say that's a reflip for Mark. You'd better flip carefully, though, because mine was tails.
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The Best, The Worst
I don't think it changes it either way, does it? That would give me two points. Is that enough to affect the outcome, Wade? No.
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The Best, The Worst
all right well you know what at least i beat the listeners that's true listeners got a point just so they could come in fourth place out of three i'm giving henry two bonus points that henry also beats that's fair that makes it all worth that means we still have to do the one-man show wheel though doesn't it and so i have to turn it up to eight percent
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The Best, The Worst
What if they are? What a funny gag that would be. They make one really good one, and that's the one where they're like, oh, send this to all the YouTubers and stuff. Like, get people to talk about this one. And the rest of them are just like Chinese-ium rebadges of knockoff crap. Like, ha ha.
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The Best, The Worst
We have a thing. It's at 8% for the one-man show. That's looking really big.
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The Best, The Worst
You're doing a loser speech. I don't really feel like a loser because we made it all the way to the accidental tie wheel. When I lost 26 coin flips in a row, I never thought I'd be in favor of wheel spins and coin flips and all this shit. I like it now. I've totaled 180. I'm glad this is the way that our show is now. I hope it never changes.
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The Best, The Worst
But I'm sure it will because we'll probably just forget at some point and stop doing it. But that's okay because that's who we are as people.
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The Best, The Worst
I mean, he's everywhere. He's he's over here, too. He's everywhere.
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The Best, The Worst
Bob, what's new with you? Guys, my woodworking journey has begun. Yeah, that's right. I immediately started making mistakes, but it's okay because I got wood glue and clamps. You're going to need more clamps. I already bought more clamps twice.
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The Best, The Worst
No, I only own six clamps, and I need about 20 to do what I want to do.
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The Best, The Worst
Well, and you need some calls so you can do flat glue-ups and keep them nice and trued up, and you need some good parallel clamps. I'm going to need corner clamps. I found a local woodworking company that makes like hardwood custom hardwood furniture.
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The Best, The Worst
And they just have like a room full of off cuts of pretty nice, like random sized hardwood just, and they're like, yeah, just like whatever, like five bucks, take that hunk of whatever we got, you know, like maple and the heads and mahogany, which is pretty cool. And like, they just have a bunch of stuff. So yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna like make a cutting board or something. Yeah.
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The Best, The Worst
Hell yeah. But also I'm going to build, the thing I'm really hype on right now is I'm going to build James a train table. Did you guys ever have one of those when you were a kid? No. No. It's just a table. But it's like you put the wooden train tracks and you drive the train. It's like that kind of thing. Are you going to print the tracks?
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The Best, The Worst
No, I already have the tracks because we got them from a secondhand shop for like super cheap. But this one's going to have multiple levels. And one level is going to have like Lego board affixed to it. But then you take that off and there's going to be a lower level that'll be like train land. It's going to be fun. I'm hype about it.
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The Best, The Worst
I've got a really simple plan that uses mostly dimensional lumber and it's not very professional woodworking, but I'm not a very professional woodworker. So I'm pretty hype about it. I might even throw in some half lap joints if I'm feeling crazy. Lap jack joints sound cool. I talked to you guys about this, but since I set this up in the last episode, Lexi's okay.
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The Best, The Worst
Lexi had her surgery, survived the surgery. She's having some reaction, which is causing an insane amount of swelling and bruising, and the doctor is not super happy about that.
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The Best, The Worst
Sorry, I was just taken so aback by your weird, inappropriate nickname for our dog that I don't think you should see Lexi in person anymore.
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The Best, The Worst
That's messed up. Yeah, that's true. I actually have, I have a prop that applies directly to that for some reason. Uh, look what I found in my basement. Wow. It's literally, I, I think I know what it's from, but when I found it, I was like, what in the shit? Yeah. It's just a white tube that just says lube on it. It's from Quaker steak.
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The Best, The Worst
When you come over, she goes upstairs and we keep you guys separate.
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The Best, The Worst
God, I don't want to hear anything about the news right now. I listen to it every day, but I don't know if I can handle anymore.
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The Best, The Worst
Listen, who needs offensive or defensive linemen when you have a quarterback and two receivers? If I know anything about football, that is all you need. I'm pretty sure that's the entire team, basically. Everyone else is just show, just fluff.
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The Best, The Worst
I think it'd be quite the move if a team who was like not particularly good, but maybe could make a bunch of cap space, just bought Burrow and Chase and Higgins or one of those two and just brought them in and was like,
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The Best, The Worst
The thing is money. I am also not an expert, but I will say the thing is money, right? It's expensive to keep good players.
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The Best, The Worst
And also, Burrow, Chase, and T. Higgins have all proven that they're S-class, top-tier players, which means that even if they are under contract with Cincy, there's a big potential that someone else would be like, here's an even more hilariously large pile of money if you come play with us. And they'll get bought out of their contract or just break their contract or whatever.
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The Best, The Worst
Like, I don't know the specifics, but basically it costs a lot. And for some reason, our owner is too cheap to want to win a Super Bowl. Or there's also like a salary cap. I have no specific knowledge of how that works or where it stands.
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The Best, The Worst
Because winning is for idiots. Hey, I know this isn't a sports podcast, but I have funny sports news. I couldn't tell if this was real for a long time, but it's really fucking funny. The MLB is in spring training right now, so they're starting to play baseball.
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The Best, The Worst
And they released new apparel all the time, right? And they released a new series of hats, where generally it's the team logo really big, and then the letter of the city or the state that they're from in the middle, just as a general design, which... Sure. But it made some hilarious hats because like the the Texas logo, the Texas Rangers logo is just the word Texas is what they went with.
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Mark's One Man Show
I think you made a series of jokes riffing on this exact quote. Matthew McConaughey. Are you talking about Matthew McConaughey?
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Mark's One Man Show
T-H-I-N-K-T-H-E-R-E-F-O-R-E-I-M. That is not the philosopher's name. Oh, I thought that was pretty close. Socrates. So close. Rene Descartes. Of course. Yeah, obviously. Of course. Back to science. What is the half-life of carbon-14? Come on, man.
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Mark's One Man Show
Easy question. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. You love science. You love science.
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Mark's One Man Show
So, so close, bud, but not quite. Of course, the half-life of carbon-14 is 5,730 years. You knew that. You knew that. You just couldn't remember. You just couldn't remember. That's how many feet are in a mile. Sure, sure, yeah, yeah. Which moon of Jupiter is known for its subsurface ocean potential for harboring life?
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Mark's One Man Show
hey this guy all right mark we did almost an entire episode where this was a thing we talked about extensively and i believe it was a thing that you brought up i know you know this oh great okay okay what does crisper stand for in the field of genetic engineering I know you know this. These are all words that everyone knows, probably. Except maybe that one. I'll give you a hint.
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Mark's One Man Show
That's the thing. I thought that was the joke. I thought it was a punishment. Well, I mean, punishment or joyous occasion. Like, woo! It's like winning the lottery, you know? We hit the random chance that was really rare, and ooh! Never in my life have I bought a lottery ticket and then thought, man, I don't want that to happen ever. God, please don't. That's what I mean.
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Mark's One Man Show
It starts with a C. Yeah, CRISPR. C-R-I-S-P-R. All right. And you know the letters. That's not the question we asked, but that's pretty good. Don't tell me if I'm right or wrong until I get to the end of it, okay? All right. Sell. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. No one said anything. Sell.
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Mark's One Man Show
No one said a word so if we just make faces while he guesses he'll never know I'll make the same I'll react the same way to every guest if it's right or wrong Cell raw insertion sensual pleasure reaction. So close. So close. Yeah, what was it? Put your listening ears on because, of course, CRISPR stands for Clustered Regularly Interspaced Short Palindromic Repeats. What did you... I blacked out.
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Mark's One Man Show
What did you just say? Clustered, regularly interspaced, short palindromic repeats. Palindromic? Yeah, yeah, palindrome. Yeah, I know palindrome. You know about palindromes? Yeah, I didn't know that was in the name. Race car's a palindrome. It was a good attempt. I got a softball for you. You definitely know this one. I'm already knocking it off the list. I'm already checking it off. You know it.
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Mark's One Man Show
Who directed the 1982 cyberpunk film Blade Runner? Oh, Ridley Scott. Hey, see?
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Mark's One Man Show
Half the diameter. He's great! All right, Wayne. All right, moving on. Next question. Wayne answered his own question. Sorry. All right. It's something to do with the black hole, I think, but it's not the event horizon, so it must be just like...
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Mark's One Man Show
That's honestly so close, but I can't give it to you. That's fair. But the Schwarzschild radius is the radius of the event horizon of a black hole. Oh, so it is the event horizon. Oh, okay. I was like, I kept being like, it doesn't have anything to do with it. It doesn't have anything to do with the event horizon.
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Mark's One Man Show
So it could be good, right? Maybe. It can't be that bad. It couldn't possibly be that bad. You're a funny guy, and we're stupid. So, you know, it'll be fine.
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Mark's One Man Show
Ah, okay, right. Oh, you're talking about the communist. The Mao Zedong Revolution. I see, I see. Contemporarily, that's referred to as the Cultural Revolution, right? I see, I see, I see, okay. All right, Mark, you know this one. Yeah. Which element was synthesized in 1994 and named for a famous physicist? Probably Einsteinium. Yeah. Okay. All right. And you remembered astatine and everything.
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Mark's One Man Show
I did. Did I say astatine? You said astanium. You were close. Oh, before. Okay. I thought somehow my lips had moved and words had come out and I didn't notice it. Did I black out and say something else? Maybe. Who was the last Ptolemaic ruler of Egypt? Ptolemaic. Great guess. But no, Cleopatra VII. The VII. I mean, that's sort of the one I think we know as Cleopatra, but yes. Okay. All right.
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Mark's One Man Show
Gotcha. Okay. But there is a VII, which historians have told me means seven. Okay. All right. That's true. All right. You did pretty good, Mark. You got four correct and six almost correct. All right. What does that get me? The next segment. Yeah, you've earned the right to move on to the next segment, Mark. Oh, yay. I would hate to end early.
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Mark's One Man Show
This is one that we've also done before, and you thoroughly excelled at, and everyone very much enjoyed your offerings in this episode. Unfortunately, Wade and I are not going to be trying to keep up with you this go-around, so it's going to be just you. Everyone will be excited to hear. The next game is called Two Sentence Horror Stories. Oh, God, no.
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Mark's One Man Show
uh may i point you bob to subsections four and five if you say it can't be that bad it might have a couple of parts that's up to him how bad those are listen that's fair section four subsection a subsection i i see what you did there bob and i'm laughing but i can't say anything out loud It's fine. It'll be fine. I'm laughing too. I'm really excited for five more than anything. But small talk.
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Mark's One Man Show
I'm good. Paul, would you like to lead us off again? Sure. If there's anyone who didn't listen to that episode, you should go listen to it. Mark absolutely shines. I'm going to give Mark one sentence, and his job is to give me the second sentence to make a two-sentence horror story. You'll get it once we start going, but just in case.
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Mark's One Man Show
The ground beneath my feet began to shift, and I knew something was wrong. Let him cook. Give him a sec. Give me it one more time. The ground beneath my feet began to shift, and I knew something was wrong. It's an earthquake! A spooky earthquake! Look, if you're not afraid of an earthquake, it's going to be scary. That's true.
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Mark's One Man Show
I've only really ever experienced one earthquake in real life, and it was the babiest earthquake ever. I was live on stream when it happened, and I basically was just all... I think that was an earthquake. It was terrifying. For the half second before my body could process what was happening, it was like, oh, no, the house is collapsing or something. It's scary. I got another. I got another. Wait.
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Mark's One Man Show
Wait. Cue me up that. Same one. The ground beneath my feet began to shift and I knew something was wrong.
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Mark's One Man Show
Shut up. No, that does work as a moon worms, right? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Should we skip around through these a few Bob? We have a lot. I imagine we'll just pick out some of our favorites. If you have any favorites, you could skip right to them. I heard something faintly at first, but quickly approaching. So I turned around. I don't fucking know. Well, you know about turning around.
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Mark's One Man Show
Yeah. I thought this was a softball. I heard something. Faintly at first, but quickly approaching. So I turned around.
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Mark's One Man Show
Oh, I like that. I like that. We're laughing, but I do like that. That's good. That's good. I like that. We're laughing more at your process of coming up with it. I don't know. What am I supposed to say? It just looks like you're being stabbed with a voodoo doll while you try to come up with these.
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Mark's One Man Show
If only you had practiced being in positions where you had to improvise language coming out of your mouth on the spot.
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Mark's One Man Show
Yeah, mooses are scary. Mooses could be terrifying. That's fine. No, don't worry, Mark. We'll keep it fresh. Here, this'll be a little palate cleanser before we get into the next two-sentence horror story. Mm-hmm. Mark, what is the half-life of Carbon-14? What? Ah, it's the same as a mile. 5,730, baby. Holy shit, he got it right.
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Mark's One Man Show
I'm never going to remember what an actual mile is, but I will always think. All right, good job. See, this is designed for you to succeed. Yeah, I feel successful. Am I not going to be allowed to finish Descendants Horror Stories until I answer all the questions? Oh, we don't have rules that complicated. Okay, good. Finish this Horror Story. Wake up, daddy! My daughter cried, shaking me.
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Mark's One Man Show
Kids are scary. Kids are inherently scary. You got a lot to work with here. Hit me again. Wake up, daddy! My daughter cried, shaking me.
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Mark's One Man Show
said kids are scary yeah kids are scary kids are scary so i was like ah that's his fear i'll tap right into that fear and i i got i think i got you i think you're just hiding your fear hey if my daughter tried to wake me up by shaking me i would be terrified since i don't have one of those that was good that was concise good job thank you we're not keeping track of points but if we were you would have earned a point for that all right here we go all i wanted to do was make a sandwich
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Mark's One Man Show
We always do this. How's everybody doing? Anyone got small talks? I went to a UC University of Cincinnati basketball game. Oddly enough, we all went to UC.
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Mark's One Man Show
I feel like that's not a sentence. I feel like that's not a complete sentence. That's a whole sentence. I don't think it is.
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Mark's One Man Show
I think it's... I want to make a sandwich. All I wanted to do. Well, that was the qualifier, but I want to make a sandwich. I wanted to make a sandwich. All right, all right, all right. It was all I wanted to do. Hit me again. All I wanted to do was make a sandwich. Too bad I was in jail.
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Mark's One Man Show
I don't know. What's in the sandwich? Scary stuff? I pulled out the divorce bread.
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Mark's One Man Show
Oh, that's a tough balance. The old mayonnaise and the young mustard. Can I get it just right? Or the sandwich really fucks you up. All right, I'm ready. You wanted scary. I'll give you an unquestionably scary setup. I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had covered in sweat.
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Mark's One Man Show
while attending i never once went to a basketball game i don't know why but i didn't i went to a game for a friend's birthday and uh he had like 20 people there so they got like one of the boxes it was 100 bucks a person from a box seat which is not bad but went to the uc game and uc played very well they actually won the game it was really fun and i had a friend convinced me that maybe a month ish from now i might be joining a basketball league for the first time in 15 years
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Mark's One Man Show
I like that. I like that. Ty's in the nightmare. Ty's in the covered in sweat. I like that.
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Mark's One Man Show
Great. I opened my eyes and I was drifting, floating in the middle of the ocean, alone. That's already scary by itself. I don't need to make anything else. Period. Period. Period. Terrifying. There's already a period at the end of this. Fuck. Quote, parentheses. Yeah, parentheses. Oh no. Period. Parentheses. Said I. Alright, Bob, I'm learning a lesson.
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Mark's One Man Show
We gotta give him a scary intro, but not too scary. He loses the ability to think if you go right after his fears.
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Mark's One Man Show
I mean, it is a horror story. You can't hit him with the old, oh no, he said. Yeah, true.
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Mark's One Man Show
Terrifiedly. No, I know what we have to do next. I know what we have to do next. Mark, what does CRISPR stand for in genetic engineering? I told you. I know you did. I know you did. All right. I know. It's in there. Those words, they're in there. You know this. Cell. That's not right. You can't react. Clustered. Clustered. Clustered. Oh. No, it's an R, actually, next. Clustered. Ranticulated.
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Mark's One Man Show
succulent palindromic i got two of them i think i got two of them uh you got one of those right i got two clustered oh no you did throw palindromic that's true that's correct it stands for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats ah well i didn't finish my word my mic cut off i said re And you didn't hear the Pete's at the end there. That's fair. We did not hear the Pete's.
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Mark's One Man Show
All right, Mark, we'll go back to something I know you're good at. Are we continuing to sentence or do you want to move on to section four? Oh God, I don't want section four. I actually really want to see section four. So I don't like the sound of section four. I'm pretty excited. I mean, there's nothing that says we can't circle back to Tucson. We're circling back to the question, so.
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Mark's One Man Show
That's true. All right, Mark, so we're going to give you a headline, and you've got to tell us what you think the story is behind the headline. Okay, all right, guys. While doing an impression of someone, we tell you to do an impression. Fuck.
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Mark's One Man Show
Don't worry. We've only preselected impressions that we know you can do really well. Oh, thanks. Thank you.
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Mark's One Man Show
that sounded sarcastic but we did actually pick impressions that like you you do i'll give you a softball to start real easy one i'm ready tell me what happened in this story german shepherd leads mass breakout at dog park using your best chica impression those bastards those bastards locked me in here
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Mark's One Man Show
I don't need to act it as the dog, do I? You could just talk about what happened in the news. No, I'm sticking first person.
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Mark's One Man Show
oh you're like recounting this to your to your grand puppies yeah i stayed in the park because i was a good girl see easy easy mark you got this my favorite thing about she is when she tells a joke and she laughs good one she has really good jokes pig is the funniest dog i know I don't know that many dogs, but Cheek is definitely the funniest dog I know. All right, Mark, this is a good one.
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I'm excited for this one. What happens in this headline? Find the bastard who shat down my chimney. Homeowner's flu poo horror. And please describe what happens in this headline doing an impression of your best friend, me. How do you talk? Well... So... I don't know how to do an impression of you. You talk normally. We're all from Ohio. So was the right word to start with.
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And let me tell you. Why does that need a laugh? Because I'm not in basketball shape and I'm bald now. Wade's knees have never been more terrified. Literally, like, I think two months ago I told Bob, I was like, I finally feel like for the first time in a decade, my knees don't hurt every time I go up and down the stairs.
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So, dropped my pants, squatted over the thing. Next thing I know, they're just screaming at me. And here I am trying to get some privacy, and I'm like, hey, uh, fuck you. I'm Bob and fuck you.
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And then I finished. I wiped with a shingle. I slid down there. My shoes flew off. Landed in my Tesla that I modded out custom with eBay parts. I drove off into the sunset to be with my wife and my child because I'm Bob. I basically told that story. I closed my eyes and I could just picture Bob. I've never heard my own voice come from outside my body before.
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Yeah, the only thing that I was like, oh, that's something you do. You like lists. When you're telling a story, you do good lists of actions one after another. I am currently waiting on several things from eBay Auto for both of our cars. So that was dead on. And I kind of have to poop. Mark, which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am?
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It's not Ridley Scott, I'll tell you that. I'll tell you that much. I know that. Just let it flow. It's in there. It wants to come out. You don't want what's in my head right now. Oh, we do. Pierce Brosnan. So close. It's something.
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No, it was not like that. No, you know what's funny is I could absolutely see how those ended up somewhere near each other. And when your brain is searching for like, oh, you just said it. Hang on. Descartes, Brosnan. Well, Ridley Scott actually was closer, honestly. Much closer with Ridley Scott. I wish he'd stuck with that. It was less painful to listen to.
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Wait, I have one highlighted that I just can't wait anymore. I really want to hear him talk about this one. I'm ready. I'm ready. Yeah, whatever you want. It's technically your turn. I guess I could just do that next. Former gold mine reopened with new purpose. Once cat seen exiting the mine. In your best Herschel from The Walking Dead impression. Which one?
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And then this conversation about joining a basketball league happened to my knees. I felt them quiver. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that will be fun and that sounds like a great idea. I wish I was in shape enough to play even a sport casually. I'm not. I'm not either. I would just die.
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So there I was! Deep in the mines. And I just started to lose it from all the gases that were accumulating at the bottom there. Heavier than air. My canary died. My gerbil expired. My dog exploded. But my cat, my cat was alive. Or so I thought. I assumed. I ran up, out, sprinted into town, barely made it out. I said, it's the mind that makes animals explode.
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But everyone was like, there's gold in there. And I was like, get away. Uh-huh. But I tried to stop him. I followed him up the hill, and they were all marching with their torches and their pitchforks, and we're going to kill this mine. And I was like, okay, all right, that's better. Got up there. Cat came out. I said, stand back. It's going to blow. Coughed. Gold nugget pops right out.
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I killed everybody. Everybody in the area. Killed them all. I killed everybody. My mine, my gold, my cat. Uplifting. Good to see you again, Herschel.
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A lot more. He is older now, by like a decade, so it makes sense. He sounds a little different. All right, Mark. This is my favorite headline that Wade scrounged up for this. I love it very much. Tell me what happens in this headline. 13 remain dead in morgue after painting debacle. Please expound on this headline in your best impression of old Markiplier before he changed. Hello, everybody.
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I tried to play basketball, I think, but I asked them if it was a half court league instead of full court and they laughed at me. Gotta run all the way from the one end to the other end every time. Basketball is a lot of running. Maybe you'll just be an offense guy. Maybe you just stand down there on that end. Maybe they don't need you on the other side. I'm more likely to be the defense guy.
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and so i was like hey look at this and they were like it's blank and i look oh it's blank what's up with that so uh then all of a sudden all their blood started exploding out of their bodies i don't know what happened and then zoom right into the painting and so i now find that i can live forever through the sacrifice of everyone
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Mark's One Man Show
Is this old Markiplier? I don't even know anymore. Kind of, I think so. I felt like you hadn't changed there. Yeah, that felt like 2013. I couldn't remember. I was trying to go for the, what's the, the Dorian Gray. I was trying to go for the painting of Dorian Gray, and then halfway through, I forgot how it worked. Is he the guy that whips the girl in Fifty Shades? Yes, that's it.
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No, oh, that's right. The painting's old. Yeah, the painting ages and he doesn't age. Painting's me, but old. He just took a break. He just left and came back. He's still in there. He's old. All right, Mark. A two-sentence horror story for you. I opened the cupboard in the old abandoned house to find a single dust-covered cup. The trouble was, I owned two cups.
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dramatic pause even wow that'd be pretty scary yeah now you'd be like well where the fuck's the cup i live here alone with the shit just for kicks mark and what year did the cultural revolution begin in china 1966 well yeah it did bob do we want to dive into the last bit or do you uh i would love to just keep circling back to all this stuff but we should probably get to the last section here yeah okay
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Mark, over our many years of doing this podcast and reaching back before, you've created some incredibly memorable stingers. Some segment introductions that have been used on multiple occasions, just etched into our memories. Everybody loves them. It's a crowd favorite. And we were hoping for this episode, if you could do us the honor of recreating from memory...
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your stinger intros that you had for, and we'll give you the titles, give you the titles. It's okay. If you could recreate it from memory, the stingers that you've played over the years of distractible. Yeah. They're just literally like we quote them constantly. So there are, you know, I just, those memories are perfect. They're perfectly encapsulated. I love them. I love them.
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And I'm excited for this one. I'm so ready. This is one of the most iconic ones, I feel like. So we'll start with an easy one. I would love for you to recreate morbid mysteries of the missing millennium. Do I have to do the music, too? We can imagine the music. You can do what you can if you want to make sounds to supplement, but... Have you ever felt a chill run down your spine?
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I always like defense more than offense. But anyway, maybe maybe sports, maybe shape. Maybe dead. I mean, that's all of our lives, really, day to day. That's true. There's a couple more maybes in there probably sometimes, but that's about right. I am making a huge sweeping change in my life that has needed to happen for years and years.
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God, that was so much better than I remembered it ever being. I got the one I just made confused with it because I forgot how I set up that one. Yeah, no, don't worry. We'll get to the smell one. Don't worry.
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i'm gonna be honest all of the rest of these no two of the rest of these i didn't remember happening we had to do some research so i'm curious how much you'll remember but you you crafted these some of those are lost to the winds oh i found them okay never mind please recreate for us unusual oddities of an unreal understanding oh god i don't fucking know man what the fuck is that
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You're trying to gaslight me. I wouldn't do... Oh, man. Well, I guess we'll see if I have a recording of that queued up or not. All right. No, I got this. All right, here we go. Should we give them the first words? No, I don't need it. I don't need it.
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Unusual... Unusual oddities of an unreal understanding. It's really interesting the way that this one starts. Shut up. No, it's not. It is, actually.
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I think I have one or two. Well, we have three more, if that gives you any idea of where we're going. You have them. We sure do. Oh, fuck. Mark, who was the last Ptolemaic ruler of Egypt? Cleopatra VII.
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Mark, we've done a couple of spooky Mark intros, but we have one here that I think is uplifting. I think will help get you in the right mindset moving forward. Please perform for us the greatest good. You can have a hint if you want it. What? Yeah, give me a hint. I don't... I would never do a cheerful one of these. What are you talking about? Do you want the first line? The opening line?
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Wait, I do know. Wait, I'm remembering. I'm vaguely remembering. It started off... Something like that.
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And then it's all like, 17 children saved from exploding burning bus accident.
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Bing, bing, bong, bing, bing. Local cat saved from burning tree. Burning cat saved from local tree. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
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Hey, somehow Wade still gets haircuts, which I don't understand, but continue. As you guys know, I've had ADHD for a while, and I've always known that my ADHD medication doesn't play well with caffeine.
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No viewer discretion is advised on that one, though. You got the right, like, feel, though. Yeah. You basically remembered that. That is an old one. That is one of the original batch. I would give you credit for that. That episode was from Never Give Up, which I think was December of, like, what was that, 2021? Of the first year. Oh, yeah. Wow. All right, Mark.
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Well, the next one's basically the polar opposite of that. But first, what is the Schwarzschild radius? Oh, it's the radius of the event horizon. Legendary. All right. If you could recreate for us from the episode, we're all going to die. You're a stinger entitled Nightmares of Futures Past.
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It's probably similar to the other ones that have made sense. There's a kind of a formula.
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Right, because I did that as a surprise. No viewer discretion advised. I forgot. Yeah, no viewer. I thought there was viewer discretion advised. I thought there was, too. Because I remember I prepared a long intro with no dialogue for me to actually live say as it was playing and then go into the thing. It was quite a surprise. You guys had no fucking idea what was happening.
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Mark's One Man Show
Yeah, no, I don't remember that happening, but it had a twist to it.
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You changed, man. Mark, which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am? I'll let you know your last guess was Pierce Brosnan.
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I'm trying to get that out of my head. Oh, Ryan Deckert. That's it. All right, Mark, finish this two-sentence horror story. Okay, come on, man. A fat Siamese cat just ate all my mackerel. I had just hauled in a record-setting 2,200 pounds of mackerel. That's no ordinary cat, comma, that's no ordinary cat. Wow. I like that. I like that one. That's a good one. I like that.
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Mark, I've got a headline here for you. Man making pasta ends up on wild police chase. In your best Shrek impression.
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Ah, there I was driving through Italy and I was just taking a nice vacation. I don't remember what happened in the headline, so I'm going to make it up. The police were chasing me. I got all this spaghetti in the back and donkeys riding up top. He fell off, ran right over from the police.
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Beautiful. It sounds a lot like your Irish accent. Oh. Mark, your most recent stinger. You could recreate it, please. It's called It's in the Air. Fuck. Why can't I remember what I just made like a week ago? I spent so long doing it. It's why I'm here. It's got me into this shit. It got me into this mess. Wait. I've got it. What the fuck? Sorry, that was in my research, finding all these clips.
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I put that one on there, too, just for me. All right, I've got it. All right, I'm ready. Okay, here we go.
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Mark's One Man Show
Wow. I think that was pretty close, yeah. That was pretty close, right? Yeah, I might have messed up. But the way it actually went was... Yeah, let's play it again! Let's play it again! I don't know why I could... And that was the most word-filled, like, word soup one possible. I don't know how everyone remembered that.
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Well, I think we're about ready for the end, but one more question for you, Mark. What does CRISPR stand for in genetic engineering? Oh, clustered, randomly inserted, short palindromic... Oh, fuck. Repeats. You got most of those words right, but you missed two of them. Oh, well, it's the R and the I. It sure is. Clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats. Sure.
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Bob, I think we're at six. I think we are. Six? What do you mean six? What do you mean? I mean, we're at subsection six. Don't worry. There's only seven subsections. What do you mean?
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Mark's One Man Show
Me, Bob, or do you have to do a one-man show? There's almost no chance.
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Anyway, I'm going to click the thing. God, I hope we don't get one-man show again. We really... Bob, you earned this one.
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You did it. All right. Well, I guess if Bob's the winner, Bob, would you like to go first? Would you like Mark to go first? Oh, I would love for Mark to go first.
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that's so much caffeine and was red bull your creamer oh it's like a bad what's the word the guinness and red bull what's that called guinness and red bull is that the one that's called an irish car bomb or is that a different one no that's a different one let me tell you don't don't mix guinness and lucky charms i wouldn't i won't i never was in danger of that happening in the multiverse never had occurred until now i guess now there's multiple universes that are spawning on
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Mark's One Man Show
yeah so mark um you we have a loser's speech for you but it is a uh not sponsor so you're gonna have to read the not sponsor bit um as you do your loser speech but don't worry um not all of it is verbatim so you can kind of riff a little bit i have to read this exactly as written this is your sponsored segment and then you can give your loser speech once you do the sponsored segment for the not sponsored listen up you can change however you want the rest of it verbatim
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all right this is not sponsored by tall men shoes.com listen up short men feeling blue tired of life looking down on you i'm mark and i've been there too put tall men shoes.com saw me through two to five inches taller you'll stand no more feeling like less of a man Small club members all agree these shoes set our spirits free. What small club, you might ask?
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Short men aspiring to long legs, our task. We meet to gripe and moan and whine about how being short's a poor design. Visit tallmenshoes.com today. Walk tall in a brand new way. Boost your height, boost your life. Cut through struggles like a knife. Disclaimer, these shoes won't fix your tiny frame or make you less of a dating shame.
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Mark's One Man Show
your worth's still small let's be clear but hey at least you'll feel less near to the ground alright is this a real website it is a real company not sponsored not affiliated it is a real website a real company nothing that we said had anything to do with their actual website let's be clear it's fine although they say that I'm making a loser speech here I'm not.
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Mark's One Man Show
I'm a winner because I not only met, but I exceeded all of their expectations in every way. And also clustered, regularly interspaced, short palindromic repeats. Hmm. It's good that you bring that up. Mark, what's the capital of Bhutan? Bhutan City. You know what? It's wrong, but I'll take it. What is the name of the deepest known point in Earth's oceans? Mariana's Trench.
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Mark's One Man Show
We've got Challenger Deep. It's in the Mariana's Trench. It's in the Mariana's Trench. What is it? More specific?
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Bob Winterspeed! This was probably not our weirdest episode to date, but it felt weird. My eyes are still tearing up. I had a great time. I think we all had a great time, and that's what's most important. All three of us were here just hanging out, having a good time, enjoying life, and that's why it was such a funny episode.
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I feel grateful that I won this, and I can't wait to move on and never have to do the wheel spin again, said optimistically. We have a bunch of new constitutional stuff that I already have forgotten almost all of, but Something, something, wheelspin still exists. I don't care. I win, bitches. Woo, yeah! Nice job, everyone. Nice job. Bob, thank you for all your help.
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Mark's One Man Show
I feel like it was actually a pretty good amount of work building the one-man show, but it was a lot of fun. It was good to go back and review some of these things and look forward to Mark, especially doing two-sentence horror stories again. Mark, thanks for being a good sport.
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If you haven't already, go follow Bob at MySkirm, Mark at Markiplier, or me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Make sure you follow or subscribe to the podcast. Keep watching, oil watchers. And I guess we'll see you in the next one. Until then, Podcast out.
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Mark's One Man Show
That's admirable, though. I've not cut it out completely for a long period, but I did almost a month where I did like a kind of a caffeine reset. Man, that first energy drink. The month after I did the reset, I was like, holy shit, it does something. That was last year.
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Mark's One Man Show
I'm already at the point now where I'll get the biggest can of Red Bull they sell, and I chug the whole thing, and I'm like, oh, God, I need a nap. Ooh, that's tough. I was like, that's not, that's probably not good.
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Mark's One Man Show
That's admirable. I'm eternally jealous of people where caffeine is just like a thing they can do and it gives them like Mandy has that. Mandy is super sensitive to caffeine. And so like if she gets a bad night's sleep and the next morning is just like super rough, she could just be like, oh, man, I'm going to have a sip of Dr. Pepper. That will help.
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Mark's One Man Show
And she has like half a Dr. Pepper and she's like, oh, the caffeine. I'm like, what the fuck is it? Dr. Pepper, what happened? Like, I wish I had that. God damn.
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Mark's One Man Show
But again, everyone can do whatever they do. I don't want to upset the capitalist machine. No, Mark's right. Caffeine is the devil. Oh, no, no. Trinks your penis, I assume. Trinks your penis.
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Mark's One Man Show
Does caffeine shrink penis? I just looked up the AI overview, just like, no, there is no evidence that caffeine shrinks the penis.
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Mark's One Man Show
What a definitive answer. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks, AI overlord. That's a weird thing because it's not even caffeine either. Separately, soda, the sweetness, especially of sugar-free soda, it's so sweet. It's hard to match that because I like like sparkly water, like flavored sparkly water. Like right now I'm in a bad cycle where I've been drinking a lot of like Sprite Zero and sweet stuff.
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Mark's One Man Show
And when I get that craving, that fruity seltzer water tastes awful. This isn't sweet enough. I want the cloying sweetness of a drink that tastes like it's going to kill me.
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Mark's One Man Show
or whatever the dr pepper commercials were yeah it's the sweet one i think they're all the sweet one couldn't tell you but i do like dr pepper it's one of the many flavors in dr pepper sweet one it's also hard whenever you pair things together like i used to drink so much soda with everything that there are certain foods when i eat it like like if i go to skyline i need a soda to go with the chili they don't have mountain dew at skyline anymore it's kind of ruined i was always pepsi with skyline now i do dr pepper because they have their coke products now
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Mark's One Man Show
They switched to Coke products and they have Mellow Yellow, but no one carries Mellow Yellow Zero on tap. But they always had Diet Mountain Dew up in there. Still disappointed about that one, but I'll survive. Probably should just not eat Skyline or Diet Mountain Dew anymore. Okay, let's not be crazy. He's right.
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Mark's One Man Show
What if you bring your own Mountain Dew to Skyline, but you buy a Mellow Yellow and then you just like... asks for just a cup of ice, and you're like, I will pay for the soda, but I need my Mountain Dew, which is how you drink Mountain Dew. You get the shake as you pour it. I feel like the rational solution is to just get Skyline to go, which is not the same. It's not as good to go.
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Mark's One Man Show
It's still good. But you can ask for the cheese on the side, which helps. A three-way is not the same on your table as it is someone else's, you know? I eat my three-way on my lap like a dog, but... Even if you're in the restaurant, just at the bar, I'll take it in my lap, please. Here's your order. You just spin your stool and gesture to your crotch. I don't like barking at my dick.
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Mark's One Man Show
That was not a fun experience. What did you do to your dick? For some reason, whenever I was eating off my lap, I went... I don't know why that was my response to that. I must have missed that. You were talking and he... Did you scare your dick a little bit? Thankfully, it's hard to scare it any smaller after my caffeine intake. Hey, Google says there's no evidence supporting that.
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Mark's One Man Show
Well, my PP says there is. Okay, all right, well. I was just trying to think of small talk this whole time. Yeah, big talk? Wait, I got a workbench in the garage, Mark. I got an altar to put all my Ryobi products on. Whoa! Well, it's one of those rolling tool chests with the workbench on top kind of thing. So it's got like 20 drawers that all pull out.
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Mark's One Man Show
Since I got that, I also ordered a couple things, Ryobi things that were on sale. So I have more Ryobi in my life than I had previously.
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Mark's One Man Show
that's basically what i said wow that was my attempted muppet laugh i don't know if it worked yeah came right through that's what i thought i could tell by the reaction it was not Well, Mark has no idea what's about to happen during this episode.
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Mark's One Man Show
Yeah, there it is. Like he knows where it is, even though it looks like an absolute clusterfuck of everything. That's the kind of workbench I aspire to.
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Mark's One Man Show
I think I own a hammer, a wrench. I think I own at least one of each of those tools. Those are good things to have. What size? Oh, they fit in my hand and they have a little thing that makes them go. That's called adjustable wrench. Yep. Got one of those. Why is it called that? Because you can adjust the mouth.
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Mark's One Man Show
uh this guy thinks he's not a workbench guy you're a workbench guy you're on the way i'm more of a junk drawer guy with a couple tools i was given over the years jolly's where it starts it hasn't evolved yet after 10 years of having those things oh sometimes it starts slow it's coming just wait workbench guy two weeks from i'll come back i'm tool the tim man or tool the tim man taylor
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Mark's One Man Show
My brain couldn't figure out what was wrong with that sentence. I was like, no, those are all the correct words. I'm glad you got it, Mark. That was really good. You have to do it backwards, Wade. Yeah, you didn't get that way. That was for you. It's inverted, just like Tool the Tim Man.
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Mark's One Man Show
That makes me question myself when you say things like that. No, it's really. Was it that funny? I've made funny jokes. That's a very intelligent, quick to come up with joke. Not to hyperanalyze the comedy of it, but that is actually really fast to come up with that idea. And it's very funny.
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Mark's One Man Show
They are. They are. Take your hands off the wheel. Clap loudly. Roll your window down and stick your torso out and scream to the world. No, but seriously, car accidents while listening to this podcast have never been higher. Please be careful. Mark, are you prepared? What do I need to be prepared? You don't need to be prepared. You just need to brace yourself. Okay. All right.
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Mark's One Man Show
Wade, do you want me to kick it off? By all means. Our first game today is a classic. It's one we've all enjoyed. The viewers have requested more of it. So I think it's time. We call this one Easy Questions. I thought you were going to say change. I was like, oh, God, no. Uh, no, we could add that in if you want that. No, no, it's okay. I don't need that. Easy questions, Mark.
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Mark's One Man Show
When did we play that? Uh, well, there were 20 easy questions previously. Do you remember the wall? What was the wall? Built by the Roman emperor, the wall? Adrian's wall. I think you got this one, Mark. Is it the same questions? No, it's... Do you... What was the most commonly occurring, naturally occurring element on Earth? Do you remember, Mark? Do you remember? Astatine. Astatine.
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Mark's One Man Show
It's called One Man Show, and I don't think Wade and I really came up with an idea that is a traditional old-school one-man show, but it will be Mark's show, and he is the man. We thought we could start with small talk. We're not trying to torture you every second of the whole thing. Some of it might be tough. We're all friends here, you know? I don't know why it has to be torture.
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Mark's One Man Show
No, it's okay. I know you know those ones because they're so easy. We have new easy questions, Mark. Okay, I'm ready. And you should know these. Some of them you've learned, like Wade taught us about philosophy. Most of them are science. He loves science. Space. I love science. Yeah, we'll just rotate, Bob. You ask one, I'll ask one, and we'll go through. Apollo 11, Mark.
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Mark's One Man Show
You know things about space. Yeah. What programming language was used to write the Apollo 11 guidance computer software? Probably assembly. See? Good job! You know these. Another easy one. Which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am? I don't fucking know. Whitty's Whittle Philosophy Hour. We talked about this. One of the most well-known. At least top 20.
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Our Shirts Are Out
That's exactly what's in my head right now. Anything but soap in the eyes. Anything. Come on, brain. Come on. What about eyes with soap in them? Shut up. Something else. That's literally what's going on over here.
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Our Shirts Are Out
Ah, here we are again. Losing with my friends. I don't know when it will ever end, but this is it. The Tristractable's over after this episode.
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Our Shirts Are Out
Give yourself points for that one, buddy. Yeah, man. Guys, I'm winning right now. Editors, make three copies of me.
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Mark Prepared For This
You don't have to be secretive. He's not being secretive at all. He keeps holding the bag up on screen for some reason. Are you sponsored by Skyline? Yeah, are you a Skyline streamer now?
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Mark Prepared For This
how expensive would a cross-country distractible fiber wine be oh probably in budget right we need a few more sponsors but we'll get there if you lived in cincinnati then we would just need cross a couple county lines fiber one secure yes delicious no well fiber one's tasty
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Mark Prepared For This
Wrong. Bob? Some very small amount, like 20 parts per million or something. Wrong.
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Mark Prepared For This
It's actually an outdated saying. It's much more, it's cooler and more modern to say you have a tungsten foot. It's very dense. As long as it's not talc.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm going to go ahead and guess zero, given the nature of your questions. That's correct. That's false.
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, it's the Fiber One and Fiber Brownies. Is that D2 Steel you're shining in my face? Get that bullshit out of here.
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Mark Prepared For This
Kind of like opposite Wolverine. You have the floppiest bones in existence.
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Mark Prepared For This
Bowling Green State University-ass Steel. Get that out of here. Are we? Is this the episode? Are we going? Is this it?
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Mark Prepared For This
Since we're talking about lead, and since I don't know anything about the thing you're talking about, I always thought it was really fucking unhinged that water pipes were made of lead for a long time. And I didn't know until, I don't know, it was a while ago now. But at some point, I did learn they were lead pipes lined with stuff.
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Mark Prepared For This
And that's why when they put them in, everyone wasn't just immediately getting lead poisoning. But that's also why there are so many communities in our country now that you can't drink tap water. Or if you do drink tap water, you get lead poisoning, which leads to horrific long-term effects in children and in adults.
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Mark Prepared For This
Because it turns out when you line the thing with some other thing, the lining just wears off eventually. And so you just have your water literally flowing through pipes made of toxic metal.
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, no, lead lined lead pipes. Liner never wears off. That's a true thing.
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Mark Prepared For This
As far as I understand, it's still not fixed in Flint, Michigan, either. There are communities around the country that are in the exact same spot as Flint. Flint got a lot of news coverage. It was not. It's not like someone swooped in and fixed it. There just is lead everywhere, and it's just a huge thing that's not going away. But it's pretty wild.
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Mark Prepared For This
I get why lead was easier to make pipes out of, because it's malleable and non-corrosive and all that stuff Wade keeps saying. Makes sense. But also, it's poison. There's this similar reason that brake pads aren't made out of asbestos.
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Mark Prepared For This
You have no idea. You can make them at home if you make them out of asbestos. It's easy.
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Mark Prepared For This
For me, it was Alice in Wonderland. Did you know that's why the... Oh, no, that's not lead, actually. That's mercury. That's quicksilver. Yeah, that's mercury.
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Mark Prepared For This
If it was so bad, why did they make it so cool? If bad, why not bad-shaped lead?
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Mark Prepared For This
I have to finish it. I have to. I open it. I have to drink it. I don't care how unpleasant it is. It's going to get drank. I got you. I got you. I got you.
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Mark Prepared For This
You know, I heard those are flushable, because the pipes are lead, so the wipes go in the pipes pretty fine.
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Mark Prepared For This
Hey, if we're airing subreddit grievances, I have one. Oh, alright, interesting. Apparently, I and or we said that sharks are not fish. And apparently, sharks are fish. And to the... This is literally one person, and I actually responded to their comment, and I... I feel like I got through to them, but also just to be clear, we don't know anything about the things that we're talking about.
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Mark Prepared For This
And if you're going to get angry about us saying an incorrect fact about sharks, you should probably be careful what other episodes you listen to, because I cannot imagine the type of factual inaccuracy you're going to subject yourself to if you listen to us talk for that many hours of your life. We're not experts or even smart about most of the stuff we talk.
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Mark Prepared For This
We know some things about some of the stuff, but not sharks and not most of the other stuff.
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Mark Prepared For This
on the subreddit you in no uncertain terms you were like I am never going to even aim this at another living thing I do not own any of these for any purpose other than shooting paper or wood or whatever metal targets and all of the very first everyone heard Mark say the word gun and rushed to the subreddit and was like you're never going to kill someone with that Mark you gotta get a full bucket and don't worry about it
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Mark Prepared For This
This is just another one of those theories like gravity or... Revelevity. Revelevity? Yeah, Einstein's thing, right? Oh, Revelevity. Yeah, you're right. Isn't that where you can hover off the ground when you're a magician on the street and revelate? Anyway, does that make you feel better? Do you feel better, Mark?
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm really trying. That's a tough one. T-O-U-G-H-O-N-E. Am I allowed to reference other bits where we did a thing repeatedly to try and chuck that in here?
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Mark Prepared For This
Ben, if only you read the whole sentence before you decided what it meant. The Earth will be destroyed? What the fuck? In the event that an asteroid larger than Texas ever struck it. Oh. They should put that first.
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Mark Prepared For This
you're never gonna kill someone i know how to kill someone you gotta get a nine millimeter if you want to kill as many people as quickly as possible nine millimeter don't worry i'm getting tweets of like we gotta get mark in touch with a gun guy i know one you gotta get mark out to demo ranch so he could blow up some m4 able and abrams his tanks is with his uh no it's like they only heard the two first words he said and then none of the rest of the discussion but yeah it was a bunch of seagulls that heard gone gone gone
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Mark Prepared For This
I feel like calling it the oldest anus is a little bit of a mislead. They're not that old. It's a species that's had anuses for who knows how long. Ten thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of years.
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Mark Prepared For This
Maybe these geneticists want to come up to our butts. Is that an invite? Because this goes out publicly. We'll be careful with that.
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Mark Prepared For This
Go to the police station. You ink it up. Squat down onto the butthole pad.
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Mark Prepared For This
It's a prank for the new guys. They're always like, all right, now just put your hand on the scanner and it'll open the door. He put his hand on the butthole plate.
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Mark Prepared For This
Big, everyone's all up in arms about it. No, no, no. NVIDIA still is a good buy. I mean, honestly, probably. But even Deeksteak was built on NVIDIA chips.
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Mark Prepared For This
Once, maybe. It probably wouldn't survive. It would need a jacket. But, like, probably you could make that happen, maybe.
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, keep it warm and or cold. Full cotton jacket. Well, that's called a wad, but yeah.
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Mark Prepared For This
I found a new scam that we can all run. Baby born in Krispy Kreme parking lot during snowstorm in Alabama receives free donuts for a year. Look at this. Babies can't eat donuts. Not newborns anyway. So I think what's going to happen is the parents are going to bring the baby in with the donut card and then the parents are going to get free donuts for a year.
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Mark Prepared For This
I thought that was a whole bit we did in a previous episode about that. Us giving birth? Didn't you say that Wade and I were having a baby and I was the father or something?
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Mark Prepared For This
You can play the intro again. I'll take my headphones off. Hold on. Yeah, so please give us a countdown.
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Mark Prepared For This
It was a little quieter, which is still pretty loud. It's like the pop. Yeah, that was fine.
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Mark Prepared For This
Listen, you focused on the thing that you cared the most about, and I respect it.
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Mark Prepared For This
They might. I don't know how that works. You don't know how sex works? Not rat sex. I'm familiar with one kind.
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Mark Prepared For This
All right. Anyway, Bob, what do you got? Well, actually, this headline sucks, but the story is interesting. Robbery foiled by location choice. So this is a classic, like Craigslist, Facebook marketplace robbery. Someone found an item they wanted online in one of these sort of marketplaces and was like, they arranged a meetup.
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Mark Prepared For This
The person who is going to buy the item was just planning on snatching it and getting the hell out of there. And so they agreed on a place to meet for safety, for the seller's safety. Didn't help. Robber was too smart. What location do you think this transaction took place? What's the safest place that you could do a Craigslist deal?
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Mark Prepared For This
That chain will live on. Mark's not guess was correct. They agreed to meet inside a police station. The buyer showed up. The seller was there. The seller put the thing out and was like, look, give me the money. And the buyer was like, nope, and snatched it and ran away. And the officers are still looking for the suspect. Oh, fuck.
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Mark Prepared For This
Actually just pisses them off and triggers an adrenaline response, which makes them even harder to deal with.
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Mark Prepared For This
this one there's not anything for you guys to guess i just really like this headline national plumbing champion trip drama wisconsin plumber tim quick clinched a spot in florida's plumbing national championship competing in pipe threading and drain clearing events no word on whether he wore his tool belt to the after party well that's just a not very funny joke anyway did you guys know that there were plumbing national championships
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, I think it's probably just like clock. They clock the pipe with like some. It's probably relatively standard. Like there's it's some set amount of paper towels or something.
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Mark Prepared For This
Not in California. That's why it's in Florida. They're still allowed to use lead-based poop there.
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah. It's not like there's a bunch of ash or smoke or anything around you where you're at.
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Mark Prepared For This
You did that on purpose. Yeah, you can tell by the fact that he wrote it down. The fact that he wrote it down? The fact that he wrote it down, you can tell. Ian's coming up the house?
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Mark Prepared For This
Air quality is still gotta be kind of bad though. Right. I mean, it's not terrible.
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Mark Prepared For This
yes i would yeah oh you i bet you i bet you'd enjoy that it was 10 last time i think we're up to 12 now yeah someone in the subreddit was saying they thought it was higher but yeah it should be 12 now based on my math it probably should be higher but we don't keep track of things do you want me to just i have the one from that i had before do you want me to just do it sure yeah that way i'm not biased or anything
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Mark Prepared For This
No, that doesn't look right. Well, Mark, clearly Mark has to be red. Oh, wait, no. Mark, no. Wait. Wade. Wait, I was going to say, I have no chance of winning. If the winner is either me or Mark, Wade can't win. I didn't even think about it. I was like, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, nobody look at how badly I'm typing. All right. You just really don't want me on this wheel. Oh, look at that.
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Mark Prepared For This
Look at those colors. Ooh, I don't like that very much. What about that? Oh, that's worse. Oh, it's worse. I don't like any of it. It's just going to be white, white. That's fine. That's fine, right? That looks like a clown horn. You ready, Mark? Yep. Woo-hoo!
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Mark Prepared For This
Well, we have to write a one man show for Mark, which presents its own interesting dilemmas. But is it a full is it like a full hour long episode? We didn't really talk about the details.
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Mark Prepared For This
We didn't think of a way to resolve that either. We just have the one-man show in as a bit.
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Mark Prepared For This
Well, I was going to say, what if we did another Council of Distract? Now that this has happened, what if we do another Council episode? We've got the one-man show. Then we do a Council episode.
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Mark Prepared For This
Yeah, that's about the right time. All right, we'll do a Council episode. We can look up the official distractible constitution document by finding someone on the subreddit who wrote it down for us because we didn't. And then we could just have a, you know, sort of a review session and prepare ourselves to enjoy Mark's one man show.
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Mark Prepared For This
Annual. Just annual. Yeah. Just single annual. We will vote what the name is in the council. That's the first order of business. Yeah. Name the meeting that we're having.
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Mark Prepared For This
I'm intrigued about this drink, but man, that's tarter than just a lemon is. Jesus Christ.
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Mark Prepared For This
I didn't say that. I did show it on camera. Blur it out. No aspersions. If it works, I'm into it, but...
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Mark Prepared For This
No, yeah, it's like cigarettes or something, right? Like it doesn't, they don't taste good. But once you get past the first part and you get into the caffeine, you're like, oh God, oh, it's delicious. I need the Red Bull. It burns so good. The burning means it's working.
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Mark Prepared For This
Good. I saw a funny goose today. Not a silly goose, but a funny goose. I, it was, it's really not even that good of a story. It just was such a weird little moment. I was in the car driving and I was just next, I was like in a parking lot waiting to turn onto the main road.
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Mark Prepared For This
So I'm just sitting there and next to the driveway, there's a little, it's a puddle cause it's been snow melting and there's not even a pond. It's like several inches of water and there's a goose sitting next to it. And I just look over cause I'm like bored and the goose out of nowhere just goes. And submerges his entire head halfway up his neck in the water.
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Mark Prepared For This
And for a second, it's just like, and then just lifts his head back up and is like, ah, nothing happened. There are not fish in that puddle of water that is on the media. Just, I don't know if that's a normal goose thing or whatever, but I just saw that happen. And I was just like, Fucking, is this an, did anyone else see that? What the fuck?
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Mark Prepared For This
I pretty much assume that if you're somewhere where you're on a voice call and it's being transmitted, there's no reason to think that that's not being watched if someone really wanted to. Like, I know there are end-to-end encrypted services, which, besides Super, is not, as far as I know. But even then, it's all managed by someone.
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Mark Prepared For This
I've been thinking about that goose all day. Can't get him out of my head. No idea if that's normal goose stuff or what. It's weird. I mean, it's probably normal.
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Mark Prepared For This
Someone, some greasy code monkey somewhere has a computer where they could just pull it up if they so chose.
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Mark Prepared For This
So let me get this straight. Your grandpa gave you a knife that was designed for carving wood away. And then he gave you some wood. And then you used the knife to carve wood off of the wood.
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Mark Prepared For This
Was it a whetstone? Was it a honing steel? Because that's not a sharpener. What kind of thing was it?
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Mark Prepared For This
Anyway, you can get into knives. It's a thing. Well, that's the thing about knives, right? People think, well, I don't know if people think this. I thought for a long time, like, oh, why would you pay $200 or $500 for a kitchen knife when you could just get one for 50 bucks that seems to work pretty well? And yes, you can sharpen cheap steel to like a razor's edge.
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Mark Prepared For This
You can sharpen it to within whatever you want, depending on how patient you are. But the more expensive knives, the thing is that they hold that edge better than They have different characteristics about the steel. It's like a very voodoo mystery magic kind of thing to me.
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Mark Prepared For This
I know it's not because it's science, but all the different kinds of steel, like you were saying, when you bought your D2 steel knife, you were like, I don't, I don't know. I want a metal one. It's a whole world. And yeah,
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Mark Prepared For This
And they have like white, white blades or something. White ceramic.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I feel like you know that the truth is not that it's not whether or not you have a car. It's all of the lies that you've told about having a car when you haven't had a car or about getting a car when you clearly have not been getting a car.
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Slice of Life
That's just a sucker not having a car. That's not a thing to be proud of. They took your money and gave you nothing. I have a little tracking bar that shows that my car is ordered. As a person who spends a lot of time on BMW forums, I can tell you that doesn't mean as much as you might hope in BMW land.
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Slice of Life
Man, do I see a lot of people being like, we ordered our car in June and it said it was on a truck and now it says it doesn't exist. What happened? Man. And all the BMW owners are like, yeah, they do that. No, no, this will be different for me.
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Slice of Life
You're not giving yourself points for still not having a car, are you? No, if I was going to have to give it to Molly for getting her car, but... Yeah, great job, Molly. She had a car way faster than you did. She didn't even have a gap where she didn't have a car. She went from having a car to having a new car. I've never owned two cars at the same time.
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Slice of Life
so that was that was my life a hazy gray maybe snow and that's how 1993 were don't laugh at my life okay december 8th 1993 my family is living in the residence inn in dublin ohio we're in the process of moving from michigan to ohio to the place where i would grow up for most of the rest of all of the rest of my childhood All I know is every day, dad and I wake up, mom's already at work.
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Slice of Life
Dad and I go down to the breakfast bar at the residence end, which is like a long-term hotel. We get microwave sausage biscuits. They come in a little two pack. It was the thing that you get to pop in the microwave. We take them back up to our room. We eat those and we pretty much just hang out the whole day. That's the whole thing. Waiting, just waiting for something to happen.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I don't think dad did, was doing much of anything. I'm sure he wasn't like trying to find a house or doing any adult stuff. We're just hanging out, eating sausage biscuits and hanging out.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Well, Mark, you might've had them. You just couldn't see them yet. Oh, also, I couldn't see. I was with Mark. I didn't get my glasses until the following year because I got my glasses in preschool because I actually started preschool the next year because my birthday is in the middle of October. So they didn't let me go to regular school. So I had to go to preschool.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I was an early bloomer. Preschool, I was trying to read the Berenstain Bear books and they were like,
Distractible
Slice of Life
I think we learned how to code in C++ in my high school computer science class.
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Slice of Life
Okay, it's June 26, 1997. In two days, Markiplier turns eight. That's true.
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Slice of Life
That must be what was happening. I don't know what I'm in like fourth grade at this point. Yeah, I think so. This is a weird thing that's coming back to me, but I'm pretty sure this was fourth grade. We used to go outside for recess and part of our school's recess, there was like the jungle gyms and whatever.
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Slice of Life
And there was a soccer field and they had the big like competitive size soccer goals because it was this was they would in the evenings, the like rec league would play games at our school. It was like a real soccer field. And so we had these big goals. And on that particular day, I'm pretty sure it was real windy.
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Slice of Life
And we were outside just running around, kind of playing soccer, kind of just kicking the ball at each other. And there was this girl and she was kind of playing around in the goal, not paying attention. And she'd like climbed up.
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Slice of Life
and was goofing around, and the huge gust of wind came and actually blew the frame of the goal over, and the top bar of the, because she had climbed up, she fell with it, and the top bar of the goal fell down directly across her face. And she had just the craziest, she was fine ultimately, but it like broke some of the orbital bone around her because of the way she landed.
Distractible
Slice of Life
It hurt, and she had some recovery after that. She's totally fine. I knew she graduated high school. I don't know what happened after high school, but she had no serious, long-lasting things. But that was some of the craziest shit I'd ever seen. Because I saw it happen, and then I saw her laying there, and I saw her face just start to go... And it was like... Oh, no.
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Slice of Life
But she was okay after a while and some recovery. But that's like burned into my memory. That was some crazy shit. I'm still kind of scared of soccer goals just because I'm like, is it pegged into the ground? If it falls over, I swear to God.
Distractible
Slice of Life
You walk out at the end of the school day, Bill Clinton's leaned up against the limo playing saxophone waiting for you.
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Slice of Life
Yeah, I would have guessed like five years after that. Just when I got into reading those books was more like middle school age. And it was three, four, five years, somewhere in there.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I feel like that's close. I think the only thing is it might have happened the year before that.
Distractible
Slice of Life
okay that's not the event i had in mind but that was very close uh bob do you know what happened on june 26 2003 that is when pierce brosnan starred in his final james bond film never don't say never die again
Distractible
Slice of Life
Don't you wouldn't not never say never to Pierce Bond. And everybody liked it, and especially the scene where for some reason he's parasurfing on a giant wave caused by I don't remember what, but that is as tall as a six-story building somehow because of physics.
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Slice of Life
Alyssa, I actually do a lot of sports. I just very specifically don't know a single fucking thing about NBA anything.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I generally remember like what my middle school looked like. And I was in, I was hardcore in the nerd group with my Palm pilot and my, you know, what you call it. But actually I think that was the summer before my last year of middle school. Oh no, that would have been the summer, the first summer of high school. I mean, it doesn't matter. I didn't all about the same.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I would have been in football two days more than likely at that point in the summer.
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Slice of Life
You would like buy a pack and get a get random ones. And they had like they had like different types of plastic. Some of them were like glittery. And I think they were called Go-Go's. I don't remember that at all. It's all I got. But I do have a date for you, Bob. Go-Go's Crazy Bones. That's what they were called. Crazy Bones. Go-Go's Crazy Bones. I just called.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Is that when Barney the Dinosaur Macy's Day balloon escaped and wreaked havoc in downtown New York City and terrified and traumatized children everywhere?
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Slice of Life
That was a thing that happened, but it was... My only other guess, which is wrong, is that's not the release date of the Xbox 360, is it? I think the Xbox 360 released in the spring of the following year, potentially.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I was still on the football team, so I was still probably doing football practice. Mainly what I was worried about was football. That actually might have been... That was right around the time where I ruined my shoulder and actually probably made the decision to quit football. But up to that point, up to that season, I had played football since I was like, ooh...
Distractible
Slice of Life
10 years old or something and was pretty like, I wanted to go play football in college and I wanted to be a starting center. And, but then in practice, I like messed up. I fell on my arm real weird and tore some stuff on the front of my right shoulder. And, and then I spent the rest of that season not playing on the JV team and decided to quit football forever.
Distractible
Slice of Life
So that was the main thing that was happening for me back then. I considered having surgery. I never actually had surgery. My shoulder, uh,
Distractible
Slice of Life
just sort of healed up over time because it wasn't that serious of an injury but probably the best thing that's ever happened to me the guys on the football team were not good people to me they did not treat me nicely i had that experience with my basketball team dick weeds so i quit football and started doing marching band and that's where i met all of my friends any friends i still have from high school today were all in band and none of them were on the football team so that was a big turning point for me but i think it was a positive one
Distractible
Slice of Life
If I'm honest, I didn't play WoW until I lived with Mark freshman year of college, so that had almost no impact on me whatsoever.
Distractible
Slice of Life
We need to migrate this wheel into a more official context, because I think this one caps out at 25 inputs.
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Slice of Life
Yeah, I will say, I saw people talking on their subreddit, and they were like, they should delete one every time they add one, because then you won't have repeats. That's not the point. The point is, by the end of this season, this wheel is going to have like a hundred fucking things on it, and it's going to be amazing.
Distractible
Slice of Life
oh okay most callback we that's the one you just added no have we ever had that happen i feel like that has happened with like the newest one being no we kept getting listener and viewer points but we actually don't we have we've maybe one other time i think had had the new one get picked but
Distractible
Slice of Life
I mean, I was fairly distracted, but I try to keep it chill, because I make a lot of noise sometimes. So I have multiple fidget spinners that I've been fidgeting with and things. And how many new webpages did I open? I opened about six new webpages. Three of them are unrelated things I googled. One of them is about GoldenEye64.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Yeah, well, that's the thing is I wasn't I wasn't Googling things about the episode. We were just talking and then I'd be like, huh, when did the GameCube release? And then I just Googled that.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And then I looked into the GameCube, and I was like, oh, I missed TimeSplitters, so then I pulled up some stuff about the TimeSplitters series, because those are good games. And then that led me to, oh, you know what I miss more than that? It was Perfect Dark Zero. That was a good one. And then I started, and that connected back to Goldeneye.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And I was also Googling stuff about the Mayan calendar after we talked about that.
Distractible
Slice of Life
As a person with aphantasia, I feel like this episode was relatively targeted against me. Mark got to rely on his very vivid visual memories, and that's why he had so many colors in what he was talking about. And I did my best, but when you're at such a disadvantage, and it's really outside my control...
Distractible
Slice of Life
how my mind works, uh, you know, it's hard to, it's hard to keep your head in the game, but I did what I could, and I only lost by one. So, it's as bad as losing by a hundred. So, go me.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I don't have a specific example, but I too have a small business owner and running into that sort of enterprise shit is always exhausting. They assume like no matter what it is, if it's some big company like this that you're working with, They have it set up and they're like, oh, well, send this to your accounting department and you need a lawyer to sign off on this.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And it's set up so that you have like a multi-billion dollar corporation. And it's like, I'm one guy. I'm not interested in any of this. I would like to buy one thing from your company, please. And like, I get that there, that's not where their money comes from.
Distractible
Slice of Life
So they tailor the business, the enterprise stuff to, you know, the companies that are going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars with them or whatever, but it's fucking awful. The experience of that is so awful and it's consistent. Any company that has enterprise stuff, it's probably just like that and it doesn't work right.
Distractible
Slice of Life
And they expect that you have like employees and employees and they're going to, it's a very first world problem, but it does always surprises me.
Distractible
Slice of Life
Oh yeah, you hit him with the, I didn't even notice because that's how you enter the room every single time. Old YouTube intro, which I still technically use.
Distractible
Slice of Life
It is crazy. You can like accidentally buy shit in one click on the Apple store. If you do things wrong, or if you're like on your phone or something,
Distractible
Slice of Life
sounds fun bob what's your apocalyptic end of the world uh life news oh i i know what i did since last time i accidentally bought a miter saw that you cut mites yeah uh miter saw is you know that saw where it sits on a workbench and you put a piece of wood on it and you go and it like chops it in half that's what that's called a miter saw because when you cut things on an angle that's called mitering and so a miter saw can cut on an angle like this away or you can turn it like this away
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Slice of Life
it's a whole thing anyway i have a new hobby whenever i get into a new thing like like i've been into woodworking stuff I always just, like, start skulking around on Facebook Marketplace. One, because, like, when you get into a new hobby, you need things. But also, I really like to get a sense of, like, that part of the hobby.
Distractible
Slice of Life
I feel like you can learn a lot about a hobby based on, like, what sort of prices are you stuff going for? What does everyone sell on Facebook Marketplace? Which is a sign, like, maybe I don't actually need one of those. Everyone buys this one tool and then sells it and is like, barely used it. Like new. Like, well, I just won't. I'll skip that.
Distractible
Slice of Life
But so part of that is I just like egregiously lowballing people on things just to see. And all of them ever have either just ignored me or been like, no, like five bucks less than what I listed it for. And I'd be like, nah, nevermind. But I, I sent this guy a message. He had the miter saw listed and it was like missing one piece, but it was basically fully functional.
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Slice of Life
And I sent him a message and I was literally like 30% of what he had it listed for. I think I said like, I'll give you 40 bucks for it. And a miter saw like a new one from the store is like a hundred, 200, 500 bucks. Like they're inexpensive tool. And he replied and was like 50. Well, well, I wasn't really planning on this happening, but how am I not going to buy a $200 miter saw for 50 bucks?
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Slice of Life
I was planning on getting one of those. So, uh, yeah. So literally like he messaged back and I was like, okay, so I have to. And I literally looked at Manny and I was like, I just accidentally bought a saw, so I'm going to go pick that up, I guess. So I'll be back. Did you get the missing piece? You don't need it.
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Slice of Life
It's got an upper fence piece that's missing, which can be important, but for 90% of what I'm going to do with it, I don't even need it.
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Slice of Life
ah good one and i'm gonna walk away now building woodworking shit like building things out of wood is filled with so much of that or i'll look at a thing and i'm like i need it i need the final width of this thing to be whatever 24 inches but each of the pieces of plywood i'm using is three quarters of an inch thick and blah and this and you and i like a woodworking person will look at that and be like okay so i need to cut it to this and i look that and i'm like
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Slice of Life
well like it's the meme of like math flying through the air and i'm like oh fuck what's 24 minus three quarters uh eight shit no way i get my phone calculator like man it's not that hard is it it's just i'm stupid
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Hide The Penny
I don't ever recall having to do emissions checks in Ohio, but I only had a car here.
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Hide The Penny
We just channeled James for a minute there. It's really got to me. Everything I do is for me. Is that what he says? Oh, that's... I mean, he's a toddler. It's not his fault. But yeah, no, that's... That really lands for me right now. If you've ever seen the show before...
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Hide The Penny
Lots of fun stuff, you know. Shall we move on to the topic? Circling back to Mark Segway, he accidentally did right at the actual beginning of the episode. Dropping? Coins and having them. Oh, crypto, crypto, crypto, crypto.
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Hide The Penny
Coins and having them. Today's episode is, I mean, it's always a competition, I guess, but it's a competition about having a penny and hiding the penny and then finding other pennies. You're going to have to come with me on this one a little bit, but we're going to play a game. It's an imaginary game. You have to use the theater of your mind.
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Hide The Penny
I'm going to give you a location going to be fairly vague location. It's going to have a lot of things in it or people or whatever. Each of you has an imaginary penny and I have an imaginary penny and we will hide our three pennies somewhere within the imaginary location I have given you. And the goal is for one of you or both of you to find either my penny or your opponent's penny.
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Hide The Penny
If you find your own and then your opponent sees where you looked, they get the points. Okay.
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Hide The Penny
I know what I spy books are and I don't remember them having rhymes of that sort. And then they just have a list of things and then the big ass picture of stuff. And you find the things on the list and the picture of stuff.
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Hide The Penny
i'm drew carriott the points are all made up they don't matter and we have a constitution just like on whose line is it anyway and it's different now everyone got their coins he says as he doesn't know where his coin is i got my coin i got it right here and let the record reflect i ate one chocolate covered peanut coin yeah we do coin stuff now and wheels do i have the wheels i think i have the wheels you're the wheel man
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Hide The Penny
I honestly haven't seen an I spy book in person in such a long time that that might be true.
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Hide The Penny
That's the whole game. I can't tell if this is just a completely unhinged, insane thing to do or if this is going to be a funny game, but be creative. You can place objects into the setting that we're in. You can place people, specific people if you care. You can do all kinds of stuff. And you're going to have to get creative to find the other two pennies that you're looking for.
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Hide The Penny
Yes, you're hiding your own penny wherever you can imagine, and then you're looking for the other two pennies hidden by myself and the other competitor.
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Hide The Penny
it's a constantly evolving thing that we're all three synthesizing at the same time. We're going to agree or disagree. If, if something, if we're like in a specific, if we're in a movie theater and you're like, Oh, I hid it under the elephant. We're probably, that's not going to fly.
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Hide The Penny
It has to be, but it can be crazy things, but there has to be a thing where it's like, there might be a reason that would be in there. Aside from Jumanji happened and there's elephants in the movie theater. Yeah.
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Hide The Penny
all right so we're in a movie theater no okay well actually that might come up but that's not where we're starting our first location is a busy coffee shop it's a relatively finite space you have to hide your penny somewhere within the coffee shop it includes any area of the shop that you think you could get into and you can imagine however wherever you might want to hide a penny
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Hide The Penny
And I'll give you so you can think about it if you want. You can visualize a little bit. I think this is an interesting game too, because as having a Fantasia, I have nothing. Mark is like walking around a coffee shop in his mind right now. And I'm like, what's in a coffee shop? Cups. Anyway, I already know where I'm hiding mine here. So I'm ready.
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Hide The Penny
When you guys are ready, just like give me a thumbs up or something. I'm ready. Just to lock it in, will you guys separately message me where you've hidden yours? You can make it kind of a general description, but we have little chats where it's... I almost just sent it to everyone. Yeah, no, don't send it to everyone.
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Hide The Penny
Send it in the one-on-one chats that we have, just so that there's no tomfoolery. And I promise I will probably not change where I have mine hidden, probably. You'll never find it anyway, because I'm wicked smart. Are you typing or constipated, Wade? What are we doing here?
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Hide The Penny
All right. We have two locations. I don't think it super matters who goes first, but out of fairness, because I have a history of mistreating you, I'm going to say Wade gets to have first crack at looking.
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Hide The Penny
Ask me anything. I know where the pennies are. Ask me. You can ask like one question at a time, right? So you can basically have one look per turn. There's no like, oh, I rifle through the entire place. But, you know, we're fudging here. So get creative. Ask away.
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Hide The Penny
You can ask about facts about the location if you'd like more information. You can ask if there's anything that you notice and I'll get creative. Mark, you can ask Mark questions and he can answer and we'll find the penny. I don't know. Where's the penny? We're looking for pennies. Are the pennies in the cash register?
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Hide The Penny
There are pennies in the cash register, but neither mine or Mark's penny is in the cash register.
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Hide The Penny
No stranger than you. I might've seen a guy climb up on a table, but that happens sometimes.
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Hide The Penny
On the back. World's largest half dollar says E Pluribus Unum real tiny on it.
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Hide The Penny
It was just a stack of 13 pennies in the middle of the floor. He'll never think to look there in his imagination.
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Hide The Penny
All you find is the statue of Shakira you keep in your left front pocket and the vape that you don't tell anyone about in your other pocket.
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Hide The Penny
Thanks, man. You thought it was going to be a real $100? Yeah. He thought it was going to be a real penny? That was fruitless, Mark, but I appreciate the effort. Nobody saw nothing. Unless someone did see something.
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Hide The Penny
Hey, how right am I? How right am I? You are exactly 0% correct. Just normal pennies in there. No Wade bald pennies. Okay. All right.
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Hide The Penny
Like, is yours made of metal, Wade? Or is it made of sad plastic? It's metal, but it's sad metal.
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Hide The Penny
You stand in front of the manager and roll a D20. And then when you roll a 19, then you have a plus three in that skill. You look up at them expectantly. When the manager peers down at you and says, well, you seem really sad. I'll do you whatever favor you want, buddy. I'll take pity. What can I do for you? And you ask him and he shows you the security footage.
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Hide The Penny
Oh, okay. You want to analyze that? Okay. Seems like a lot for one turn.
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Hide The Penny
You don't see anything. Mark walks into the coffee shop, disappears into a dead spot. You see a chair tip over on the edge of the screen. Mark reappears and sits down to drink his coffee at an unrelated location in the restaurant.
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Hide The Penny
I find his trail and I follow it. No, Wade is correct. I'm in here too. Luckily for you, the only places Wade and I have gone is from the front door to the cash register, to the bathroom, back to pick up our coffee, and then over to a table. We went to different tables because I'm not sitting with him, but... Why not? Just not, man.
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Hide The Penny
It's got the patina of being in someone's pocket. And other places on that person. Mark, you get the segue point. We're not going to talk about that. What the fuck is happening?
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Hide The Penny
So you just stand up on a random chair in the middle of the coffee shop?
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Hide The Penny
It does just happen sometimes. Okay. When you do that, the mind-numbing soft jazz that's playing over the speakers gets a bit louder because you get a bit closer. The dusty, outdated Valentine's Day decorations that are still hanging up there touch your bald head and make you feel like you might want to sneeze. It's my fly rink.
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Hide The Penny
They touch your fly rink and the weirdly out of season Christmas choo-choo chugs around you at eye level. Any of those things have pennies. You don't see any pennies.
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Hide The Penny
And she looks at you dead in your eyes and goes, yes, please don't touch me. Takes her penny back and tucks it back behind her ear.
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Hide The Penny
There are no hollow spots in the ceiling. The speakers stop making sound when you take them apart for some reason. And the train makes a weird rattling sound when you pick up one of the cars off the track.
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Hide The Penny
Mark emerges from the toilet, victoriously clutching an enormous shit in his hand. The man whose crotch you just dove through looks surprisingly unfazed and a little bit turned on.
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Hide The Penny
This is what happens when we record late, late at night. 7.30 o'clock p.m.
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Hide The Penny
out of the corner of your eye on the wall next to the mirror where the sinks are you see something almost copper colored glint in the shining lights of the bathroom do I have to wait until next turn I don't know do you want to give it to him Wade yeah sure I'm having him removed soon by the police anyway I dive I dive for it Mark lunges and grabs the penny that's just sitting out in the open on top of the paper towel holder
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Hide The Penny
That's not how that works. But anyway, I have a topic. Mark already got the segue point. I should probably write that down or I'm never going to remember it. You don't have to write that one down. I know I do. We have a constitution.
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Hide The Penny
Wait a minute. Do you see the tops of a lot of paper towel holders, Mark?
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Hide The Penny
Anyway, Mark gets a point. Congratulations. I'm going to give Wade one more chance to find a penny. Can I give him a clue, Mark? Yeah, sure. No, I don't need it. You do need it. You really do need it. I'm so close. You were close. In fact, I think you probably held it in your hand at one point.
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Hide The Penny
Oh, so you held on to the train car that you heard the funny rattle from, but you just didn't mention that?
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Hide The Penny
You guys were really close to mine, too. Do you want to know? Orange juice? Was it the orange juice? It was in the other orange juice. I set it on top of the take a penny, leave a penny tray at the cash register. That was the only penny in there, ironically enough.
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Hide The Penny
There's a restaurant I grew up going to in Holland, Michigan called Russ's that had a model train that went around the whole place. And that was the coolest shit. I always thought it was awesome. Anyway, that was fun for me. I want a new place. I don't know if it's fun for listeners or watchers, but I don't honestly care. I had a great time. We're traveling back into the past for this one.
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Hide The Penny
We are in a messy college dorm room. Oh, nice. Mark and I lived in a messy college dorm room together. Is it the same one? It is not our messy college dorm room. We just wandered into some student housing on campus and there were lots of unlocked rooms because that's what happens. So this is just some generic messy college dorm room. I'm typing to you, Bob.
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Hide The Penny
Pick your hiding spots. Out of fairness, I think Wade gets to guess first again. Let's do this.
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Hide The Penny
wait the judges are saying that counts no all right wade where are the pennies i have hidden one mark has hidden one i want to get a layout of the room what are we looking at are we looking at like two bunk beds two separate beds a desk this isn't our room but it's very much like our room that we lived in freshman year in college i was never in it so that's incredibly unhelpful
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Hide The Penny
It's a bunked bed, but the bed on top is clearly bunked by people who have no idea how to do it. And it looks like it might collapse at any moment. And the person who sleeps on the top bed has to sleep six and a half inches away from the ceiling of the room because for some reason they didn't think to lower the height of the bed that they put on top of the other bed.
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Hide The Penny
There's a couple dressers underneath the beds there. The other half of the room is just like empty. There's like a beanbag and like a mini fridge and like a small TV. It's like a college dorm room situation. There's a couple desks with some stuff on them. Very generic. Couldn't be any random freshman, sophomore dorm room anywhere on campus.
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Hide The Penny
Again, not our room. Not our room. Just some random room. No, the pillowcases have not been washed in three months, but there are no pennies.
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Hide The Penny
uh nothing in there but a bunch of cheap beer bottle caps and some used up condom wrappers for some reason why were they in there just the wrappers i don't know it's like basically a trash can whatever yeah it makes you wonder what happened to the condoms they got used clearly i checked the posts where the bed is connected to make sure that a penny wasn't tucked between
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Hide The Penny
There are some pennies wedged in three of the four legs of the bunk bed, but they're not coming out. I think those pennies are holding the structure together. One of these people is definitely going to die.
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Hide The Penny
Just us three and like maybe a small creature, but it's hard to tell exactly what it is. It's under some stuff in the corner. It's fine.
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Hide The Penny
Wade talks different in this world. I like it. I slowly approach the creature in the corner. Doesn't seem to notice. It's just sort of generally making a concerning shuffling noise under the pile of whatever.
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Hide The Penny
do you think it's gonna spit a penny into your hands what are you looking for i hold out my hand that's not it that's not a hint i look on top of the fridge and top of the desk without searching too specifically just look to see if i see anything shiny just easily standing out that i might have overlooked uh i mean there's stuff everywhere a lot of empty energy drink cans a very large pile of condom wrappers like conspicuously large
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Hide The Penny
You keep specifying that. Food court, stolen food court, dishes and silverware. Just lots of crap.
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Hide The Penny
Looking up at you from underneath the pile of trash and I don't know, beanbags and whatever is a naked, skinny college freshman boy. He appears to be very, very much out of it. He appears to be so hungover that he can barely function. And now that you've exposed the way for him to escape from the pile of trash, he sack taps you.
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Hide The Penny
yells bruh and then runs out of the room that's probably not what kids these days would yell but cap uh he didn't have any clothes or pennies a bit concerned by what just transpired i go and i kick over some of the bottles and condom wrappers to see if there's either a penny or another college student in the bottom of that you for some reason kick a bunch of stuff
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Hide The Penny
off of the top of the tables and stuff that it's on instead of using your hands like a human person i am not touching those cotton wrappers with my hands i will use my foot interesting i even wore slippers you hear what you think might have been a penny sound hitting the floor but you're definitely gonna have to get in there with your hands if you want to find out you think you'd think that
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Hide The Penny
mark now that you've moved the pile of crap that the naked freshman was trapped underneath you notice that the error is now circulating in the room a little bit better and there's a really funky smell this is now dominating the part of the room that you're located in good funk crusty funk
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Hide The Penny
I shrink. I shrink. I shrink. you shrink down magically you're becoming smaller and smaller you're also naked you're curled up on the floor in front of the air vent from which the weird disgusting crusty funk seems to be coming from you shrink and you shrink and you see no pennies anywhere in the area but you are almost blown away by the crusty funky air of the tiny air vents
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Hide The Penny
boils or god knows what on different parts of your body that you're touching stuff also it's sticky somehow it's slippery but it's sticky and just all of you slowly become sticky slippy and when you finally stand up feeling defeated uh you notice that there's a penny stuck to the underside of your right arm yes and somehow by sheer coincidence
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Hide The Penny
You seem to have dug the penny that Mark hid inside one of the gratuitous number of condom wrappers in this dorm room.
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Hide The Penny
Because they weren't actually used. They just bought a big pack and they wanted everyone who came into their room to think that they really fucked.
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Hide The Penny
Mark continues to shrink, eventually getting so small that he could sneak just barely through the grate of the air vent from which the crusty funkiness is coming. As you wedge your way through and you're afraid for a second, you get stuck and you're afraid for another second. Your dick just got sliced off by the old rusty air vent, but it didn't. You come upon quite the sight.
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Hide The Penny
Since you're so small now, they're taller than you are. It's not a height joke. You're just a very, very shrunken down man at this point. It's a stack of Playboy magazines and laying next to it, a crusty, funky sock balled up in kind of a weird, awkward position laying there in the air vent.
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Hide The Penny
Mark continues to shrink. Why do I keep shrinking? I don't know. You're pressing on. You keep getting smaller and smaller.
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Hide The Penny
Mark is desperately crawling into the sock. Your body started to get scraped up. because of how crusty and dry and terrifying it is in there. You're bleeding. You're barely able to breathe because the material doesn't even allow air to flow through it at this point in its life.
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Hide The Penny
And as you reach the horrifying toe of the gigantic tube sock, which everybody knows is just for show, you find a penny so big that if it fell over upon you, it would crush you to death in an instant. Whose was it? That's Wade's penny.
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Hide The Penny
You're sort of interrogating each other as this goes on, but no one's really thinking about me. I'm sort of getting away. But I did. Do you want to know where mine is or do you want to guess?
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Hide The Penny
I'd never thought of that. That's interesting because that's the thing that there's it's still a very technical thing. But like forging air quotes, forging carbon fiber is not the same as laying up carbon fiber. It's if you were pouring it into a mold and you have like a good mold and you know how to set it up and stuff, you could make some really strong parts super fast, relatively speaking.
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Hide The Penny
Weirdly, there is a welcome mat, but the only thing under there is pieces of paper that appear to have girls' names and phone numbers on them, but were clearly written by the boys who live in the dorm room. Just in case anyone looks.
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Hide The Penny
Somehow, Mark summons the strength to lift the vape to an angle where he can get his head in front of it. As he takes a drag, the heat from the coil nearly incinerates his entire being, and the water vapor he does manage to get into his lungs contains so much nicotine that he dies almost immediately of a heart attack. There's no pennies in there. Interesting. I check every left shoe.
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Hide The Penny
There's a surprising number of left shoes. No pennies. All right, that's it. Here, we're going to find mine. I'm too smart. I frantically, before I let you guys come into the room, looked around for a place to hide it, and I didn't want to touch anything. And I got really grossed out because I was imagining what was happening with all the condoms and stuff.
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Hide The Penny
And so I just held the penny casually in my right hand while we stood there and watched you guys look for other pennies.
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Hide The Penny
Yeah, it was your own choice, man. Yeah, that was weird. All right, Mark. I know you struggle with two-sentence horror stories. I want to do one more.
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Hide The Penny
This has nothing to do with two-sentence horror stories except that it's kind of a spooky setting. So feel free to throw some in there if you're feeling creative. We are in a...
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Hide The Penny
grandmother's attic it's surprisingly big for how like average size the house is but it is just an attic it's like one of those attics where there's you know there's trunks full of dress up clothes and mannequins for some reason and
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Hide The Penny
you know the kind of attic that appears in a horror game that no actual human person ever has as an attic in their house like there's a rocking chair for some reason that's still yeah there's a rocking chair that's constantly rocking for no apparent reason and there's one light that has a pull string it's like way the fuck on the far end of the entire thing from where the stairs are for no reason i've i've hidden my penny i've hidden mine as well hold on it doesn't have to be a two sentence horror story good thing i brought my spooky change
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Hide The Penny
Up. Ah. Somehow your ass makes that noise. Good thing I brought my scary ass. You don't find anything. But for some reason, I have nipple pasties on. And now Wade and I are both naked for the rest of this episode because you destroyed our clothes when removing them.
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Hide The Penny
I rip off my shirt. I spread all my cheeks. Did you just genie Mark? Did you just get him to search his own self for your purposes?
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Hide The Penny
It's kind of a mix. There's definite walkways. There's kind of it's imagine it's like a level in a horror game. There's some definite pathing options, but it's pretty like crowded in with stuff. But the pathways are respected. You're not going to get caught on any straight textures running around this attic.
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Hide The Penny
There's only one box full of weirdly saved, pointlessly saved old school work. And it looks like it's definitely been recently shoveled through. Yes. Which is a strange thing for a box of useless schoolwork from 12 years ago. Yes. You can even tell exactly the point in the stack of crap to where the person dug into the box. Yes.
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Hide The Penny
So you rifle through the papers and you pull it and you see where they stopped digging and you go right to that point. Yes. There's nothing. There's just an old yearbook in there that they were trying to find. Oh, that's a fun guest, though.
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Hide The Penny
You summon the magical Superman ability to blow like a tornado for some reason. And now it doesn't matter that we're naked because we're all caked in four decades of dust. It's awesome. And when you were looking in one of the directions and blowing superhumanly hard, nothing interesting happened.
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Hide The Penny
But when you looked in the other direction and you blew superhumanly hard, all the dust blew off the furniture and there were no pennies on any of it. But you did hear kind of a deep rattle coming from that half of the attic.
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Hide The Penny
A bunch of really horrifying shit just comes flying at you. You waving around the room and there's like old knitting needles and all kinds of real dangerous final destination type shit. You're fine. It's fine. You're fine. You got plot armor, so you don't think that happens. But when you aim it at one particular area, you hear kind of that same rattle again.
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Hide The Penny
There's something trying to move, but can't move. It's just contained. I...
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Hide The Penny
Funny enough, there is, but it's empty. It's just sitting next to an old cash register. You are such a tease, man. pile of signage from what seems to be a closed down family restaurant of some sort.
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Hide The Penny
Nothing that you touch or push by is the thing that is rattling, but you still hear it coming from the same direction. Hmm.
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Hide The Penny
Even though metal detectors do use an electromagnetic field, non-ferrous metals can still interfere with that field in a way that would trigger the metal detector.
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Hide The Penny
I see, I see. So what did you do? I got so hung up on the whole metal detector gotcha moment. What did you do with it? You started waving it around or something? Using it was the plan. In any more specific area than that or just...
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Hide The Penny
I literally have a 3D printer in my background, and I've been trying to print on that, and I think I ruined the print bed. I'm not going to lie. I can't get anything to adhese to the print bed to save my fucking life. But that's also just about the cheapest 3D printer you can buy anywhere. And so it's not that surprising that I screwed it up because the print bed is not very high quality.
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Hide The Penny
Point me in a direction. Where are we sticking your metal detector? Give me some vague guidance. You can even say you walk away from Mark in a straight line towards the opposite wall.
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Hide The Penny
You could search that entire, yeah, you could search your entire half of the attic that way. That's acceptable. You don't find any copper on the, whatever, waist height and below search that you do on that half of the basement. Okay. Have I hit the wall yet? You are standing with your arm outstretched and your fingers an inch away from the wall, like you're about to make candy.
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Hide The Penny
You're right at the end of everything. All right. I press my ear to the wall. Do I hear anything then? You press your ear to the wall, take a deep breath, and from behind you, you hear... Granny's not doing so well. She had Taco Bell for dinner. It's unrelated. Wait, Granny's in the attic? No, she's in the bathroom. The bathroom's just underneath where Mark is in the house.
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Hide The Penny
Look, I had a whole diagram in front of me. I'm not just making this up on the spot. Once the diarrhea sounds stop from the downstairs bathroom, you press your ear up and you hear, coming from inside the wall, you hear that same rattling noise. It's louder now than it was because you seem to be closer to it almost.
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Hide The Penny
Oh, he doesn't notice anything. Wade doesn't even notice that he actually stepped in a loaded sprung bear trap a second ago. He's just bumbling around with his metal detector, scraping it on anything he can get his hands on.
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Hide The Penny
No idea. All right, Wade, you got your metal detector. What are we doing now?
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Hide The Penny
Aside from getting a lot of pinging from Mark's electromagnet and the huge clump of ferrous metal stuck to it that he's dragging around, you don't find any copper or get any pings of anything else in that area of the basement.
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Hide The Penny
It's an attic, so for some reason the walls are finished, but they're finished real shittily, and I'll allow you to call your way into them like a madman.
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Hide The Penny
Assuming you dig, starting at the place where you were standing in front of where you were hearing the rattling, and as you start to expose, there seems to be kind of a cavity behind the wall, and in your crazed frenzy, you don't really notice what's in front of you that you're uncovering.
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Hide The Penny
by the time you're done and the wall is fully destroyed wolverine style you're standing in front of a whole other room of the attic like another third of the attic it's a huge space that was separated off by this wall and it's just piled up to about waist height with bodies no floor space No living things, nothing else, no furniture or anything in the room.
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Hide The Penny
But a Bamboolab printer. Bamboolab. Bamboolab. Bamboolab. Bruh, have you tried cam-boo labs?
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Hide The Penny
It's just someone kept continuously killing people, bringing bodies up here, and hucking them into that part of the attic. I don't know, it's a solid 30 to 40 dead bodies.
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You're spinning around wildly, just trying to get any scary echoes you can on your device. And when you wave the thing around, there's something over there on the far end. There's something that's scary on the far end of the basement. And it's maybe up as opposed to down. You're so far away, it's hard to tell. But you're getting something.
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Hide The Penny
After the 27th body that you flip over and go through all of its crevices and dig your arm up into its butt nice and deep and... Mm-hmm. Give it the whole once over. The last thing you've been doing for some reason is flipping open the eyelids of these bodies.
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Hide The Penny
All of them have had eyes, but the 27th one, you get to the end and you flip the eyelids up and in the eye sockets of this dead body are two pennies, one in each socket, one with a big W on it and one with a big B on it. Wait, you also hid yours in the eye socket of a body? I am not going to lie. That is exactly what I came up with.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
in my notes for this show wrote down I technically what I wrote was I had it's on the eye like how you put coins on for the ferryman kind of thing but I had my penny hidden on the in the eye area of a dead body so when you said that I felt like I had to audible on the fly to our two pennies are in the eye sockets of the same dead body
Distractible
Hide The Penny
this is devastating to my case you guessed my exact hiding spot one phase too early in the game i want to find what's in the scary corner all right so you're walk where where are you right now beelining he's searching 300 bodies i'm going to where the scary thing in the corner is that's higher up yeah you walk over to the far end of the basement and you're hey boo
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It takes you an annoyingly long time to figure out that it's up in that corner to your left, up above you. Yeah, but eventually, after I stand there and glare at you for a while, you get there and you wander over into this corner and you look up into the corner of the attic and all you see is a bunch of cobwebs and what appears to be maybe a dead spider or something hanging in them.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
You grab the dead spider, expecting to rip it in half, and you realize it's actually the face of Abraham Lincoln with a smiley face scribbled on it in Sharpie and little pipe cleaner bits taped onto the edges so that it looks like it has eight spidery legs.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
i rip it in half anyway you summon superhuman strength for no reason and of no benefit to anyone to rip a penny in half with your bare hands i found two pennies you found mark's penny it was a it was a disguised as a spider in the cobwebs he sharpied a little face on there some red eyes and stuff
Distractible
Hide The Penny
If it's any consolation, it does nothing for you in the actual competition of the episode, but that was great. Morally, you won big time. Hey, moral victories are often the ones that count the most. In no particular order, Mark scored points for Segway, Bamboo Labs, Decked Drama, Big Baby Tantrum. I'm massive. paper towel penny, I hold out my hand, air vent sock penny, and eye socket pennies.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Wade, you earned points for Play-Doh 3D printer, bamboo boo, trucks, drivers are drug addicts, question mark, early access instructions, secret grandma, train penny, condom wrapper penny, roll to five for your perception, and spider penny.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
uh i'm going to add an option for you win a bonus uh point if you had the scariest moment of the episode i got one of two it's either me grabbing that turd and checking it or i'm full of that you did go into the cum sock i went through hell in this episode i think mark might have the scariest moment of this episode bob and i apparently high-fived all we hid coins and grandma's victims
Distractible
Hide The Penny
That's true. We had a heck of a time creating that whole setup. We actually killed all those people. So we get two wheel spins. Oh, that means it can't be a tie. So guaranteed not to be a tie. Two spins of this bad boy. Okay.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I announced it at the beginning! Dammit, I just always gotta get food in these episodes. I can't believe that worked. We're tied, baby! The winner comes down to this spin. Paulist. Paulist. Oh, no, no, no.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
fate tried to steal mark's victory but fate could not make it so with 11 points when the point and the extra point for best looking mark takes the episode wade did get a bonus point for eating the most during the episode but it wasn't enough plus i feel like i looked really good in this episode i looked in a lot of places You spent the most time naked, probably. So that's something.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
You were naked in two of three scenarios for almost the entire thing. Weirdly enough, yeah. You were always the smallest. Did you get naked in the coffee shop, too? No, no.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
If I'm going to give Mark a point for Bamboo Labs, Bamboo Boo definitely gets a point.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Thank you so much, everybody, for listening and watching. Make sure you follow Mark and Wade and me. And more importantly, follow the podcast. I'm not going to say that word we're not supposed to say. Merch? Kill him. Editors, blow up Wade. Thanks so much, everybody, for being here. We'll be back again with another episode real soon. That's not how we end this episode. Just fucking goddammit.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Just a video of a guy in a bamboo lab's costume standing over Mark in a dark room, just smacking him, going, close. Everybody will love that.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I'm gonna extrude. I don't know if that's your small talk, Mark, but... No, it wasn't, but I mean, it's okay if that is. I'm always down for some more 3D printing talk. Wade, it's your turn. Oh, well, all right. I had other ones. We'll get back to you. Calm down. Okay. Wade, what glorious adventures have you been on of late?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, I know it wasn't that long, but it was multiple days ago at this point. More than that could have happened.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Just want to say you did exist enough on Wednesday to show up to Ryan's stream and just do like a scare donation to him for no apparent reason.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I read it like 15 minutes after you did it, which is pretty quick for me, so.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
While Mark's doing that, hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible, your favorite. You go through the sleeves? I did that time.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
It's been years, man. You're going to have to get over this at some point.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Look, it's not their fault when you lift a Ford F-150 as high as they do in Ohio. You can't see anything that's less than 30 feet away from your vehicle. The sight angles are just not great, and it's really not their fault.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
yeah well if you have a shirt on and you're in a situation look hello everyone and welcome to another episode of distractible a special extra special hello and welcome to the listeners that's right you thought i was gonna make one of you but listeners hey what's up how's it going and we're not doing anything visually interesting at all except for mark's armpit stuff but that's not that it's just not that cool don't worry about it you didn't miss anything
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Then what you're going to want to do is... You are such a big, strong man.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
I think this is an incredibly valid thing. It's in general a valid point. I really despise when that happens, when there's a product and they show you demo pictures of it doing something, but the version that you bought for your thing is different and that's not demonstrated in the... No, I've had that happen before. Hey, if you ever get it out of the box, you can't be disappointed.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, you do have a quad. I mean, the F-150 Lightning is quad cab, right? It's not necessarily a full length bed or whatever.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Are we about to have beef with a company that makes truck bed accessories?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Little did they fucking know. London is my city. Oh, no. What does he say? England is my city. Whatever. Like, I want to accurately quote a Paul brother.
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Isn't there a line in there where he's like, I'm in L.A., but I'm an Ohio boy or some shit? And then Nick Crompton is like, England is my city. Does that make sense?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Actually, that's true. I don't know if I've ever seen the whole thing. But how could you?
Distractible
Hide The Penny
Well, it's funny because that isn't a thing where you live, Wade, but that is a thing in other places such as California.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
And I went outside, and I was like, alright, time to clean up some of these poo piles. I filled up two of those, like, I call them Kroger bags, I don't know, the plastic bags that are banned in California, I guess, of poop. From two small dogs. I just want to make sure you remember what bags I'm talking about, Mark. It's been so long since you've seen real bags.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I don't think we've had those since the 80s. Are those those things that eat pets? Okay. That's what we know him as in Ohio, I think. The oil's low. I'm checking the dipstick here. We've got to stop licking the paint on the walls. I know it's a new house, but I'm sensing a problem. No, but I filled up two of those bags of little dog poop. It was a lot of poop and it sucked.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
And I guess you use muscles when you pick up poop that you don't use otherwise. Because I've got my right thigh is on fire today. How heavy is this poop? I mean, I guess if you don't bend over and touch the ground a lot, it's kind of a unique set of muscles, but... That's something I don't do on a daily basis. I don't think to like crouch, grab, crouch, grab, crouch, grab.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
That's what I was going to say. That feels like a Wade move. It feels exactly like Wade's approach to everything. I know on the subreddit, it's always you. Every week, there's new posts from new accounts. I love Wade. He's the funniest one. I preesh. I big preesh. Even if those accounts are me, I appreciate them. He doesn't understand that I'm mocking him. You forget that it's you.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Dude, give me one more day of that and I could crab walk like a porn star. I don't know why you assume they would be good at that, but. I don't know. It's just one of those jokes you always hear. Is it? Is it? I feel like I've never heard a human being utter those words in my life until right now. This is another side tangent.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
There's an SNL skit that's also been living rent-free in my head where Ariana Grande and some of the cast members were playing as Jennifer Coolidge. And they're like, if you could have one superpower, what would it be? And Ariana's Coolidge was like, crab lock. So I've had that stuck in my head for a while. Minor shout out to that skit, I guess. Hey, Jennifer Coolidge, if you're watching...
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Anyway, there's your poop update. Back to you in the studio. Mark, would you like to enhance my poop?
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
the poop is so high up on the ground do you think do you use like those like fancy poop cleaning tools like the stick with the pre-built bag or do you just go out there and like clean up because they've got things to make poop cleaning easier it's not even worth it there's so much poop any of the devices to get rid of the poop is it don't matter you just go pick it up That's what I thought. Okay.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Because Molly was showing me, she's like, they have these things you could get. And I was like, I don't know. I feel like just going out there and grabbing the poop is probably just the easiest thing. Because I feel like the tools are a scam. It is. That's your poop update. Enhanced by Mark. Interesting. That's why I'm here. All right. Segway point? No, I don't think that counts as a segway.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Unless poop stands for something else. Oh, people on orthodontist poles. That's a segway point. Somehow the Daily Double, because you used, well, not used, but you created an acronym. Today's topic is acronyms. LOL. Specifically, I want to fix acronyms because I think I think some of them are stupid and I think some of them are confusing.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
And I think we know better about what these acronyms should mean. We always do. We generally know better about things. And this is one I feel like we could do some service to the rest of the world by making better use of some of these commonly used acronyms. Anyway, I have a list for some of these.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I will give a point if anyone knows what it actually stands for, because I'm curious how common knowledge these common knowledge things commonly are. We'll start easy and then we'll. escalate our way up into, I don't know, not easy. Hard, is that the word? Probably hard. Can I throw one out there? I don't think this will be on your list, but maybe it is.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
But it's one that's haunted me for the past decade plus. It is the worst acronym in my mind that's ever existed. It's shaking my head, SMH. In my brain, when I first encountered it, I could not for the life of me figure it out. And the only thing I could think was smell my hand.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
and to this day when i see smh i always think smell my hand first always i cannot not think it like i've tried to train my brain away from smell my smell my hand and i can't so i see smh i'm like ew smell my shaking my head shaking my head like every time that's all that's my interaction in my head every time i say it's real tough wade i'm hearing your pain and i acknowledge it
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I have such a bad memory that even if it was me, I wouldn't remember. It's like 50 first dates for me on the subreddit. 50 first dates with myself. Oh, what a beautiful story. Self-love's important. Why is Adam Sandler here? I don't know. Anyway, what's the other thing we do? Mall talk? I got some.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Because, Beth, you feel that feeling just aggressively all the time about everything. Keep the shit talking in your head. Never stops, ever. Wow, wow, wow. Broke his leg. Broke his leg. What a little shit. Probably deserved it. I'm so sorry. I'm feeling for you.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
As an empath. I don't think it works when you go, I'm so sorry. That's the inside voice. The really grumbly one. That was the inside one. Yeah, yeah. That's the inside. Got it. That makes sense. The calm angelic. You know how they pronounce it? Angelic talk.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
He turned shit into buffets. Anal Jesus. I know that what an acronym is, is you take the letters of something and then that you shorten it into a thing, but they're stupid. For example, you already used this one, Wade. This one doesn't haunt my dreams. I don't like it. LOL. I don't like it. Well, I'll know what it stands for. Well, I was good. I raised my hand.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I wasn't actually looking at you. Yeah. Mark. Lots of love. Wait, what? That's what it means. Lots of love. It's licking our lord. I don't know why that one got to me.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Yeah, well, see, so that's a good use of LOL. I approve of that, I guess. I think we could have a better acronym for laughing out loud. And it can be anything. It doesn't have to follow acronym rules. In my world, an acronym is just a short word that means a longer word or phrase. It can be anything. I want you to help me. We know better. CMG. Chucklin' my guts. I think that's pretty good.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Mark's on it. LMS. Losing my shit. I like that. I like that direction. That's not the last one, but we can keep going. Gag. Giggling at gaffs. Or goofs. Giggling at goofs. Either one. Or both. Gag gag. Giggling at gags and goofs. Latil. Laugh until I cry. Latik. Sorry, Latik. Ha ha! Laugh until a laugh.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Is that how you spell cracks or crawl crabs? All right. No, I like that. That's a whole sequence. You can really, there's levels to it because you can, you know, crabs me up is kind of higher than a gold gag or a gag. See, isn't that better than LOL? Way better, yeah. Thank you. Mark, you get a point for agreeing. I have another one that's on my shit list.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I feel like it's used passive-aggressively so we can sort of rescue this phrase, this concept from a world of snarky douchebaggery. FYI, has anyone sincerely used FYI in a way that wasn't just snark coming, firing right back at somebody? Isn't it always like, FYI, I was first in my class.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
It took me a second. It wasn't slow because he didn't know. It was just emphatic, right? Yes. No capital letters. I-H-Y-K.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
where he's trying to make a word but you're supposed to be picking the one that makes a word by connecting it to the other part of whatever and he's like okay look we're not supposed to talk about it redacted but also that actually has lived in my brain rent free since i watched that one because holy fuck also that's the video where eef came from right oh yeah well maybe it was before doesn't that one start with you be like what's your name and he's like eef
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Ah, Wade, you missed out, man. I did. I only saw the one where you had a sex toy delivery. That was the first one. This is not going to turn into reminiscing about Redacted. I have one for FYI. Okay, yes, continue. I'll save this. Dicked. Didn't you know, dummy? D-Y-K-D. I like that.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Wait. I don't know what I did with my hand, but wait. Do you know Mr. Card? Because I need one of these 5090s and I don't know how to get one. I've never bought a card new. No, you don't need one. Do you have a 4090? I do, but my monitors, man. The monitor issue, I think, is because literally even the 4090 was not meant to handle these monitors. Yes, it was.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
don't wait T I'm sorry what was it Mark I'd forgotten ATM BB according to my big brain GWS guess what stupid that's actually pretty good guess what stupid I like that that is in the same vein as FYI but somehow it's more jovially dickish like it's still a dick move but like someone pulled that on you you could not laugh at it I feel like basically every single idea you guys just threw out there superior to FYI
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I think we should abandon FYI. I think that should be a vestige of the past. And I think we should move on to A, T, M, B, B. Thank you. Thank you. Or other one that was also slow. This is one that I think we all use a lot. And I don't like this acronym because I don't think anyone knows what the fuck this stands for. But you'll know what it means when I say it to you. RSVP. What is that?
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
What does that mean? Oh, God, what does it mean? Not what words is it, but you know what it means, right? If you're going to RSVP for something. But what words is it? I'll tell you. It ain't English. Reserve seats, Vice Presidents. If that was it, it'd be very confusing. Now, you know why it stinks? Because it's French. It stands for, and I'm going to say this wrong, Respondez Sivu Play.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Please respond. I don't honestly know if we can improve on RSVP because in the way that it's used, I think it's pretty effective. And it's aesthetic. It looks nice. It's a good combo. I just don't like that people use it and they don't even know what the words are. That feels like a lie to me.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
RSVD. This is where everyone discovers I'm actually dumb. We're all dumb. That's why we have this show. This is actually one of my listed in my private writings, my listed formulas for a distractible episode is make Mark spell out loud. I've gone to it before. It's a classic. Good thing he brought his scary tape.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
But you think words good. Just don't get them out of your mouth as quickly, but it's not about speed. You know lots of big words, Mark. They're in there. They're in there. What about oots? I-W-T-S. I want that spot. I have to have the accent. Yeah.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
how about lmit let me in there i'm a baby i'm a baby let me in that's where i go was that even part of an actual show or is that just a warm-up well no it was it was the pre-show so like a whopping 100 people let me in there should we give context on that i don't really feel like it It was part of the tour, doing an improv bit. The improvised song. Oh, yeah, Wade has the poster.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
it only does once every three weeks with the lunar cycle i get my three monitors working i gotta tell you all you gotta do is be patient and threaten it by getting a new computer and being like i'm gonna replace you and then your old computer will start working again because that's what happened to me i will rip you apart piece by piece and beat you with a hammer well no it's not about no that's not it yeah that's
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
That's all you need to know. Anyway, I'm not even mad at RSVP. I just wanted to get that one off my chest. But I do, like, really suck at vampire dick. Glad that we got that out. No, no, it's really suck at vampire dick. All right, fair enough. What about... We make it English. It's I a VP as in I'm a very important. I'm a very important. I forgot the I. I'm a very important.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
It's English as spoken by a six year old. I a very important person.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I have VIP. This next one will be easy. FOMO. We all know about FOMO. You might have FOMO from time to time. Sometimes. Jump on things. It sounds stupid. Never ever would I willingly describe myself as having FOMO. I hate it. Can we improve on FOMO? Fear of missing out. Yeah, it's called TME. Tell me everything!
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I want acronym Batman he's also known as ABM yeah I literally just thought I was like I missed the boat on that I wonder if they'll catch then you did but Batman actually is an acronym I'm not gonna do it though we all know what it is anyway FOMO fix FOMO
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Yeah, no, that's really good, though. Because then if there's a group, they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to see Barbenheimer. They're showing it again in combination, just even though that's not cool anymore. Like, guys, you know I'm busy. That place. Also, I like the way those letters look written out. I just wrote it down because I gave you a point for it. I just wrote, I wrote on my desk.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
It took me a little long to figure out if that was or was not, in fact, a thing that erases.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
This one applies to two of us? Probably all of us? Wait, the ink. T-I-I-P. This ink is permanent and it spells out tip.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
You got to replace them and you got to take the action to do it. And then I'll replace you because my technology luck goes exactly the opposite way. I'm impatient and I am obsessed with just looking at the new thing, the next big thing. And I'm always I'm always like, oh, I don't really need like I will need a computer. Like it still works.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
But like I'm all what if I just get one a little bit early because there's this new thing and I want to go through all this and I'll get a computer and then I'll be like, Well, I don't have to build it. I'll do it when the timing is right. And then I'll go to turn my computer on the next day and it'll just explode into a huge cloud of sparks and fire.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a la... e was...
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
And then I'm like, well, I guess I'm building this new pile of shit into a computer so I can use that now. I'll bet you sleepwalk whenever you're dreaming and you come downstairs and you just pour water on your tower. You're like, I'll replace it. I'll give Bob what he wants. He deserves a new computer. I've never gotten a graphics card at like release. I've never really done that.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
But these monitors, man, I don't want to replace the monitors. I'd rather replace the graphics card. What if you just get two graphics cards? They don't SLI anymore, but you could still run multiple cards in the same system, right? You just got to have enough power and a couple of PCIe slots that are six inches apart. These things are so chunky. I don't know if I can fit two in this case.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Does it have to be said in a pirate voice, or is that... As the inventor, yes, I determined that the accent must be... That's really specific, but I accept it.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I'd probably have to put them on an entirely new case because they're so chunk. What you could do is you can get a band extension and just plug it into your PCIe and then run it out of the case and just lay your graphics card on top of the case. You're making some of these words up. Nope. Also, graphics card on top of a case, is that safe if a cat jumps and lays on it? Nope. It'll be fine.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
b w t f t because you'll be wrong the first time man the first part was so smooth and then you thought you'd get fancy on it no no hackers allowed i really like that i like the tone of that much better than caption uh It's a really long one. Yeah, what does that stand for? You human, human, human, human, human, human, human, human.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Oh, fuck. HMB. How many bicycles? BKC. Better no crosswalks. AAA. YDSTMW. Ah, you didn't say the magic word. DTPC? Do those pixels count? I fucking hate when they're like, click all the boxes with a bus in it. And there's like one, just, you could see that the bus is in there, but you know, that doesn't count. I always get that one wrong because I always click it. Yeah, well, that's the thing.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Because the robot would see that and be like, bus pixels. But we're humans, so we're not supposed to notice things. You've heard of Sigma. Have you heard of SIGA? Stop it. Go away. That just feels like one that you could never succeed at. Are you supposed to be able to pass that test? Well, not the people that aren't supposed to be there. Oh, I see. Stop it. Go away. Like, don't hack me, please.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
DMP. I got a dump on it. I have got nothing else. All right. Well, I'm going to say that's the last acronym that we're going to fix and all the rest of the shitty acronyms out there you're stuck with. Sorry, everybody. There's a limited amount of hours in the day. So that's what we got going on here. I am going to read the things that you earned points for starting in no particular order.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
First with Mark. You earned points for threatening your electronics, very high poops, being supportive, crabs me up, oh, agreeing with me, ATMBB, really sucking vampire dick, TSKG, GIF, and robot test. Wade, you earned points for... Bent boy, am I tired of making those accounts. Enhancing Mark. Crab walk. Segway point. D-Y-K-D. Tip. Howl. Rappa. Lamb. Wabua. High five. And... Quamp.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
What in the hell did I write? I should have written down what these meant, not just the acronyms. Well, I guess they weren't very memorable if you... Quap. Quap, apparently, is what you got points for. I don't remember it, but I'll take it. Mark, you earned a total of 11 points. And Wade, you earned a total of 12 points.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Yeah, that seems fair, considering there was an entire round where he was the only one who submitted anything. Wi-Fi. It's in the air, just like the government. Government. Government.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
oh the amic government of course congratulations wade but more importantly congratulations everybody because you're welcome for all of those very usable and memorable acronyms uh i know for sure next time i send someone a funny animated picture that i'm gonna remind them that it's pronounced But Mark, you did lose. So would you like to give your loser speech? It was a hard fought battle.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
to everyone it is hard to bounce back from the disconnects i i've had that happen basically goes off your whole groove wait congratulations you have a winner speech uh yeah mark you also had a very supple supple before you have very supple performance as well thanks i sleep in gloves i really don't It was a great episode. It was a lot of fun. You had the best small talk.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I just enhanced it a little bit. Mine was all about poop. I don't remember what I was talking about. It was fun. It was fun thinking about better acronyms. I'm glad we got rid of some. I'm glad we fixed all the ones. I think we made all of them better that we touched today. Unquestionably. Great job, Bob. Can't wait to host the next one. I feel like I won all over again.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Thanks for the compliment, buddy. That is the end of the episode. Wade will host the next one, like he said. Make sure you follow the podcast by hitting the little plus symbol or whatever it may be, and then you'll never miss another episode. They're always on Mondays and Fridays, so you really don't have an excuse. But if you follow, you'll never, never miss NNM. Mark is Mark Plyer.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Well, these are just 4K, but man, oh man, do they only get supported once every three years? Have you tried putting a different card in it? I feel like I'm not an expert in this, but it feels like your card is broken or not working properly. That's what I just suggested. A new card. No, I don't think you need one. I thought mine were broken, but it's not.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777. And I am Bobs. Bobs? You're Bobs. I'm Bobs. Just Google Bobs. I'll come up. Thanks so much for watching. Thank you slightly less for listening. And until next one, podcast out.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
What other cards do you have in your computer? Oh, I've got a Charizard and a 49. What else? Is there a capture card in one of the PCI slots? He doesn't even know what PCI means. I have three hard drives. Uh-huh. I don't have an Elgato plugged in. I don't have anything else plugged into it.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
What you need to do is buy yourself some cards and stick them in there and then start making threats, and they'll all start talking. That's what Mark's getting at. It's possible. I mean, I might have some in boxes. I don't know what's in here. You definitely do.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Hello and welcome back to Distractable, the result of a science experiment gone horribly right. My name is Bob and I will be your host for today because I won the last episode because the way that this works is I host, two other people compete, you'll meet them in a second. Whoever wins hosts the next one and I don't host the next one, I compete in the next one.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I don't know. I've got to do a deep dive on these monitors and figure out why that only two work at a time usually. Right now, all three. They've been doing this for months. Have you not deep dove? I thought I had. How much have you divvied? Pretty deep to the point where I contacted LG and I was like on customer support.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
They went to the point where they were like, huh, I would talk to whoever makes your graphics card. I tried reaching out and then they did not respond to me on customer support. Kind of hit a wall there. Well, I can't help you. I'm going to say it. You could probably just buy three other monitors and save yourself some money on trying to buy a 5090.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
It would be cheaper to buy a 5090 than three monitors. You sure about that? These three monitors were $1,300 each. Yeah, monitors can get really, really expensive. Yeah, that's true. Okay, well, I would never in my entire life buy a monitor that costs that much money, but I guess we're different people.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Well, the last ones I had from like 2015 till last year, so I was like, well, these are going to last me like 10 years. Might as well. There's no picture in the universe that could look enough different on a high quality $3,000 monitor that I would ever think that that was worth it. These were $1,300 each. Oh, that's less horrifying, but still, that's more than I spend on a TV. Same.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I can't imagine your life. I don't know what I'm doing, man. I fly by by the seat of my pants and it usually works out, except for these monitors. I don't know what the MSRP is on 5090s, but if you have to buy one from a scalper, isn't it probably more than that still? Well, they're technically not out yet. Theoretically, I know they're not out yet. I wouldn't buy one from a scalper.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I don't like to support that. I would rather just wait for one to come available. Yeah, well, if you're just gonna wait till they're available, you won't have it for like a year and a half. Well, that's why I thought maybe Mr. Graphics Card would be like, oh, sure, wait, here, you buy it, I give it. Is Mr. Graphics Card in the room with us? Mr. Graphics Card is my dad. I don't know.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I thought maybe you knew him because you talked about getting a new built computer. You were talking about getting a new something. This all started with you. Yeah, I bought it on the normal online stores that people buy them from. Or I had them from my render farm. I actually pulled some of them out of a computer that I hadn't fully built yet. Does it have a 5090? No, it doesn't have a 50-90.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I just told you I'm not going to get the 50-90 because it doesn't seem like a worthwhile investment to improve it. I think the 40-90 is going to last a very long time. Can I have it? Some of this feels like the meme of the congressional hearing where they're talking to the CEO of TikTok. It does, yeah. It's a lot of... Can you improve the internet in my constituents, Mark?
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
If I have TikTok on my router, does that mean China's in my internet?
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I am stupid, which is why I turned to YouTube for help with technology. And Mark is offering you assistance with technology. Assistance was I don't need a 5090, but... These monitors say otherwise. I don't think Mark said but at all. I think he was very definitive in his.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Anyway, I'm sure that as soon as you decide you're not going to build that computer, nothing horrible will happen to your current one and it will be fine. But Bob's is already about to retaliate for Mark building a new one. Probably. Probably. Yeah. I do think my computers are on their last... Or not one.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
But don't worry because I'll probably win it and then I'll host the one after that because I win a lot because I'm really funny and really good at this. Anyway, my competitors for today, as per usual, will be Mark and Wade. Hello. Hey. I know we've done this hundreds of times at this point.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
One of my computers is on their last legs because I moved these cross-country when we moved from California to Ohio. And I filled them with foam and I was very careful. And when I unpacked one of them, the one that has the very heavy 4090 in it, some definite cracking in the back of the PCB near the joint where it mounts to the motherboard. And I have...
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
a support on it, like a heavy vertical thing. But in all of the moving, I think it got rattled around too much. And the card weighs about 85 pounds. It still works. But every time something goes wrong, I'm like, oh, this is it. This is the end. Bless you.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
Great deals on things. I will never buy top-of-the-line monitors again. I wouldn't recommend it.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I'll sell you three for $39. I'll trade you. I'll take a trip of phobia. Because at least then, whenever you're naughty, I'll just slide it into the backwards on the camera. I don't know why I just said naughty to you. Like, anyway, I don't usually buy top of the line. But I was like, these monitors, I was like, you know...
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I still say it has never not felt weird to me to introduce you guys as if anyone who's a part of this doesn't already know who you are from other stuff. But there have been.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I went through about 30 minutes talking to this person online through their customer service, whatever chat. And then they were like, all right, I'm not able to help you. Let me get someone like they talked to their supervisor. Their supervisor got on the thing. And then ultimately their solution was sounds like it's not our fault. So I would go find your graphics card, talk to them.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
And that was their solution. Solved it. And like I said, I tried to contact, I think it was Asus, and never got through to anybody. It's weird, because the thing that usually stops one monitor from working is launching a specific game, like Uno, for example, right now. If I launch Uno, one monitor goes black, I won't see it again for two weeks.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
literally it's been two weeks since this one worked so last night it came back on that's hilarious it sounds funny it sounds like it's funny for you too which is the good thing i've spent up to four hours in a single day unplugging and replugging in cables turning off turning on again trying to have different because i can have any two of them working at a time i've lowered the hertz on two of them like one of them's like 240 the other ones i'll have at like 95 or something and sometimes that can get them back working again
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
like you might as well have him at 60 60 what do you think i am poor on your auxiliary monitors i think 60 is all you need even if you're rich i think 60 is all you need ever unless you're playing competitive csgo which some people do which some people do but not that many a lot of people think they're playing competitive csgo um what about call of duty prop hunt
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
well then you gotta yeah you gotta pixel peep those micro movements from the twitchy props that are hiding all around you if you ever watch ryan hide underground because he knows how to rotate into a hole that shouldn't exist yeah you need every pixel you can find to be fair all you have to do is go to that one area and just shoot the ground a bunch and you'll know if he did it or not
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
No, that's the thing that's really fucked up about Call of Duty Prop Hunt. You know, you can shoot everything. You have unlimited ammo. You don't lose health. You can just fucking run around holding the fire button and shoot every little pixel in existence. It's not super fair. Props do win sometimes, though. Like, it's not as imbalanced as it feels. Yeah, well, you just have to be a five head.
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
The brain of a god. did you actually do small talk wade nope well no he just took over mine took over i enhanced we collaborated how can you wait how can you say no you didn't get small talk when you've been yapping for the past five minutes straight wade got an enhancing point interesting for saving mark's dismal small talk apparently wade what's going on with you i hope it's better than mark
Distractible
Acronyms, But Better
I have the same updates I've had for the last three weeks, except for one. You know that big snow we've had that's finally starting to melt, but isn't quite melting fast enough? And we got two dogs that have to go outside to potty, and it's been so cold that I've not been going out and cleaning up after them. So yesterday, it finally warmed up a little bit, and things started melting.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I'm going to put down better at sports than Tyler for a point for Mark. Yep. That's true, actually.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's weird, because I know where Bird lives, and it's not near where Tyler lives. It is not, meaning that Tyler was in fact gone. Maybe that should be the topic of this episode.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Blue means go. Everyone knows that. It's more, it's green to me. I said almost. I'm not yellow, obviously. Blue almost means go. Everyone knows that. Editors, turn us into a traffic light. It's good to be back on top, boy. Perfect. I do have to agree with you, Mark. I like the colors of our shirts. I'm just going to throw this out there. This is accidentally day three of this shirt.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah. You can have two points if you find out where he is by the end of the episode. Everybody starts texting Tyler.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
uh should we get into the topic for today's episode i gotta be honest i looked and i'm only mediumly sure we haven't done something that's fairly similar to this but i just sort of want to talk about it is that i'm calling this episode probably not maybe something like uh distractible travel guide cincinnati
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We have talked about Cincinnati and we have talked about like top 10 lists of things and whatever, but specifically what I want to talk about is travel guides. I have the sort of like a general list of things, travel guides, travel books will give you recommendations on. And I kind of want to just go through those normal categories, but I want to get the distractible insider recommendations.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We know Cincinnati is, If there's any three people that know Cincinnati, know her bowels, where she buries her bodies, it's us. Interesting. So, yeah, I just want to... We're just going to... This is a good resource if you're traveling to Cincinnati.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
This would be a great place if you need family activities, if you're looking for, you know, where to stay, where not to stay, food to eat, you know, that sort of stuff. So, I just want to do that. We'll just run through all the categories. First one I feel like is going to be easy. Cincinnati Attractions and Activities.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
This is like historical sites, museums, natural wonders, festivals, anything that's like fun. Like a thing where you go and maybe you buy a ticket or you like go for the day and it's like the thing you do. What do you guys got for me?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I know that you did lots of stuff in Cincinnati, Mark. We lived together. You were coming and going at all hours, not just sitting on your computer playing WoW 18 hours a day. Yeah, you know me.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah, you left your mark. That's good. I'm not going to give you a point for that, but it's close. And if you don't have any ideas, you have to give me something. So if it has to be made up, that's fine. No one else will know. Real activities are worth waiting. Yeah, no one's going to know. No one's going to use this. There is no way you don't have any.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I think that still exists or peanuts. Yeah. Peanuts stuff. They have Viking ship. So that's pretty themey.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
James was up in the middle of the night last night, so I didn't go to bed till four o'clock. Accidentally slept in, had to go get the dog's medicine. Didn't end up getting the dog's medicine. Still wearing the same shirt. Life is going really well over here for me. And for the listeners out there, I want to comment. We sound really good today. I might sound completely different.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
My favorite one is the one that used to be called Top Gun, and now it's called, like, Ace or something. But when you're standing in line, all the sad old speakers are still, like, and playing, like, the Top Gun music, but it's, like, demranded. The Danger Zone. Banshee!
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I do get it. I like a wooden coaster. I thought that was, for a while when I was younger, wooden coasters were one of my favorite kinds of things. But they're so violent. Like, I think it's funny that people who are wooden coaster enthusiasts are like, oh, this one's my favorite. Almost died. It shakes so violently. It dislocated my spine in three places. It's the best.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's like, I don't know if that's... Like, it's fun because it's kind of a different experience, but I don't know if the most violent wooden coaster means it's the best wooden coaster. Mean Streak up at Cedar Point was my favorite for a while. That's a good classic wooden coaster.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I gotta be honest, I don't know the coasters at Kings Island as well as I do at Cedar Point. Yeah, it's been a long time since I've been there.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Do I sound different to you guys? I'm on a new mixer. I'm on the beacon setup now. I got the same mic, but I got the things. Do I sound any different? Better? Worse? Happier?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's the thing I like more than coasters being like violent or lots of loops or whatever. The the minimal restraint feeling is one of the things that makes it most exciting to me. I forget what it was, but there was some coaster where it's like a wooden coaster and it was literally like a little seatbelt. Like you get it and you just go like.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
and snug it down and that's what held you in and then you go and the whole time you're on the coaster you're like I'm barely in here holy shit it's awesome cause they would definitely not design it in a way where you could get hurt that never happens right
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
If you can't actually die, it's not even exciting at all.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I want bouncy. Wait, what's your attraction or activity in Cincinnati?
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's a very large museum and it's a very cool. It's down on the banks, but we're like the sports stadiums and stuff are. It's very cool.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's super easy to, in general, when you live in a place to take for granted stuff like that, like museums and, and like educational stuff that Cincinnati museum center is also a fantastic museum and a very cool building. Cause it's, it's Cincinnati union terminal. It used to be, and now it's like a big museum. It's, it's great. Cool. It's what's it? Art deco.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
My goal was to make it basically similar. I will say Sam, our lead editor, texted me and said that my mic has been clipping in the last few recordings and that he asked me to check that. And so if you hear any clipping during today's episode, it's because I'm incompetent and I don't know how to set up my microphone. And it's all Sam's fault. Sam will fix it. Anyway, how are you guys doing?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The main place where you enter it is like a three story dome, half dome thing. That's got a huge, uh,
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
No, it's not like actually it'll light on fire at any given moment right now, but it's pretty gross still in general, I think.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
i know some of cincinnati uses like the miami or little miami river some of it uses the ohio river so on and so forth it's not bad i mean generally water and tap water in cincinnati is fine it's a little hard you know got the got the minerals in it or whatever but i guess i shouldn't talk too much i still drink bottled water but there's some places in cincinnati where i like the tap water you don't drink you don't just drink but you have like a fridge with a filtered water thing in it
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Weird. That sounds like a judgment against you. I've just always found that confusing. Bottled water for me was always just the way my parents treated it was like a thing where it's like if you're in an emergency or if you're like out on the boat on the lake or something, you drink bottled water. But otherwise, we just drink tap water. You freaking... You weenies or well water.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We drank a lot of well water when we went like camping and stuff Well water is funky.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
No, I definitely get that. I, what I'm trying, clearly I'm not right now, but what I'm trying to cut out, caffeine, one thing that helps me is, um, what the fuck is that? Murder, murder water. Death water? Liquid death.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
murder water cans of liquid death because they're kind of they're the same kind of can that like energy drinks come in and stuff having those as a thing where it's like i go crack one of those open it like replaces the physical stem of when i have my energy drink in my hand and so i get that i do get that man i haven't had caffeine for like a month and a half now oh that's that's getting into the that's getting into the good part you're finally through the bad part maybe
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
No, I just mean Mark and I have been really stalling this episode out. We're afraid. Because you only have so many good ideas. You want to keep them. I got it. Well, that's okay. Now's your chance. Dining options. Specifically, I'm going to say not budget, but like reasonably priced family dining options. Okay, I got you. But not chains.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I mean, you can do a chain if you want, but like, interesting Cincinnati stuff, yeah.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
, , , , ,, the P. P. P. P. P. P,實實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a la in a
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Somehow it, like, comically goes off the paper. You just look and it's just like, you're like, what the fuck?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
No, that's the thing. So I will say one of the other malls in the Cincinnati area that's doing okay. Liberty Center. You guys know Liberty Center? It's over on like the northwest side by us kind of. It's one of those where part of it is an inside. There's like a smaller inside part. And then part of it, a lot of it is outside.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
where it's like there are little streets and all the shops are outdoors, but it's still basically like a mall area. It's very cool. And I feel like that's a type of mall that I could see being successful in the future more than like an old school mall. But it's still such a pain in the ass. There are stores that are there and only there. And for me, it's still like, I really need this.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Am I up for going to Liberty and trying to find parking and then trying to navigate through... But I even though I like it, it still is like that. And Kenwood's like that, too. Every time we have to go to Kenwood, it's kind of like Kenwood. And then you remember you have to fucking go drive over to Kenwood and park somewhere.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You just order it. If people who care that much, do you either download it digitally or you order it and it arrives, you know, on or after release day or whatever? They don't. I don't. They don't do that at all the same way they used to.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
No, I think it might have been Modern Warfare 2 down in Clifton. I did them in that release for.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I actually lived in UPA when that happened. So yeah, I knew those guys. It never hit me, but like I was there watching it happen. I lived on the corner, so I was not one of the apartments where the water came from. But I knew those guys who did that. I knew one of those apartments where they did that. I thought it was real funny.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I tried for so many years to get a job at that GameStop in Clifton, dude. I wanted to be a GameStop employee so bad. Oh, my God.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Dude, yeah, no. DEA is going to show up and be like, the power company thinks there's a grow farm here or something. Something crazy is happening. So it must be drugs. Oh, there's a farm. All right.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The poor guy who managed that store. I can't imagine how many college nerds he had every day come in and be like,
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
We weren't qualified. I said semi. I said semi-qualified. That's still pretty generous. All I wanted was the employee discount. I wasn't there to do anything else.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Well, they did. They did. And they're like, hey, this shows you got some backed up parking tickets. I don't need that on my staff. I don't need that in our organization. So we're going to have to pass. Thank you for your interest. Please remain a loyal customer.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You have to be pretty isn't working at an Apple store like a whole pain in the ass, though. You have to be pretty serious about that. It's like there's like trainings and that's one of the places walking into an Apple store. We did that recently. It feels like it's the 2000s in there.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Like in most stores, I feel like the direction in the last couple decades has been less employees, more just let the customer sort of self-serve. There's maybe there's an employee somewhere. If you need help, you can find them. I feel like. the Apple store, they had more people working there than there were people in the store by a huge margin.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There were so many fucking employees at the Apple store. That's why they charge a hundred thousand dollars for every product they sell. I mean, yeah, I guess they have the margins for it, but it's crazy. It feels like it feels, even though it's new technology, it feels somehow like retro almost at this point where it's like just a swarm of people. You go in and there's just everywhere.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's someone who's like, Hey, do you need help with that? Hey, do you need help finding... You looking at headphones?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's not much you could get away with with an Apple product. They'd just be like, yeah, this serial number, just turn that off. That one's stolen.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
One of the many refrigerators we've bought in the last few years was we went to Best Buy first because they have they had like a refrigerator. They had like a partnership. We couldn't find a person. We had to go to a different store because we were literally like, we want this fridge. Is there a we couldn't get a human being to tell us a refrigerator. It was fucking weird.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's like a big wooden crate with like the rack in it and then just a bunch of pieces of paper with hand-drawn AKs on it.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
And that was a few years ago at this point. That's.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Well, I feel like our travel guide is pretty comprehensive, but last chance. Yeah, last chance. You guys got any extra bonus stuff to chuck in at the end of the travel guide here, just in case?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
The Midwest, and Cincinnati definitely is on this list, loves a big, gigantic, ridiculously oversized park, and they are generally very nice and well-maintained. I don't know if Mark's reference is this, but we lived in the Bay Area, right? We lived outside San Francisco. Huge parks. California has awesome nature, like parks everywhere. It was great.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Every time we ever went to a park, even in the middle of the day on a weekday when you're like, ah, no one will be here. Fucking packed. humanity in every direction, bicycles on all the paths. There's no... In California, my experience was never you go to a park and it's calm and empty and you can do whatever you want.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's like if you're going to the park to play in the playground, the playground's busy. You have to wait in line. If you're going to the park to walk on the path, there's like... 100 people and some of them are going twice the speed of light and some of them are going slower than you think is physically possible to walk. So you're like weaving traffic.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's bicycle like the parks in California are generally awesome, but they're so fucking busy that they're not very fun. A lot of the times to be at in Ohio, you go to a park that's the same size or bigger than some of those ones we went to in California and but there's like two other humans in the entire thing. And you're like, I was going to say, I've never had to wait for anything.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
For some reason, they all have hand-drawn serial numbers, but then their hands scratched out.
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Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's everything is open. You could go, you could, you don't have to like wait or be like, oh, that's busy. Let's go over here. Anything you want is always available. It's amazing.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
There's even an open pickleball court on a Saturday morning at Parks in Ohio. God forbid you want to play pickleball in California. There's a three-hour wait of people in line who are next up on the pickleball court. No, that's a good one. I like that one. Wade? City good. City good. Okay. Who said the streetcar? Who said sports teams?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Who said the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra is one of the best in the nation, among the best in the world? Beer. Lots of beer in Cincinnati. People love beer. Oktoberfest.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Cincinnati reaches all the way out to the airport because Cincinnati airport is with the fucking Kentucky for some reason. So all of that is clearly Cincinnati. I do not know what CVG stands for. Cincinnati.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
covington kentucky is what that stands for apparently cbg is just covington yeah no ohio's airports are all confusing because um columbus the airport used to just be columbus international so it was like cbi or something like that now it's john glenn international airport so the columbus airport's initial is like j j g a i or some shit where it's like What the fuck airport is that? Where is that?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
That's where we flew out of a lot. It's very confusing.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
cincinnati is at least a delta hub not that that means anything because our flight options even on delta out of cincinnati are pretty garbage these days but it is it's technically a delta hub all right wade's thing is the airport got it sure i said newport but i'll take airport you know i guess newport has the aquarium i should have said aquarium
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
So they didn't say anything about that, though? Because when we lived out there, there was one summer where one of the really bad fire summers happened, and we had all of our shit closed and sealed, and we were running the AC just to try and keep positive pressure on our house because it was like...
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Hey, Newport Aquarium, if you had said that, that would have been very good. Oh man, the zoo, the Festival of Lights. The zoo is also good. Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens. Excellent. One of the best zoos in the country.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Anyway, whatever. If you're coming to Cincinnati, I feel like we gave you any number of acceptable quality places to check out.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Welcome to Cincinnati Bucket. Anyway, that's the end of the episode. I'm going to read you why you got points, and then we're going to spin the wheels, and then someone's going to win, I hope. Oh, yeah, you got to add to the wheel, too. Wade, you got points for El Servo, Girl Scout Cooks,
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Lying About Your Car Again, Underground Railroad Museum, Skyline, We Usually Pick Somewhere Else to Eat, A Lot of Restaurants Listed, and Airport? That's wrong, Colin. Mark, you earned points for Traffic Light. Don't remember why that was points. Our shirts. Our shirts. Oh, yeah, we're at Traffic Light. There you go. You know, the old blue, orange, red. A $3,000 power bill.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Better at sports than Tyler. King's Island, not Cracker Barrel. Being right. Rick and Morty stores. And big, stupid parks. The score is close.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
but it's time for the wheel i don't know what the score is it's close i'm gonna roll a three-sided die and i got two and i am going to add well this one feels like it's just a bonus star for mark but my initial thought was most most travel since last episode that's 100 gonna be mark 100 of the time it won't always be him though sometimes he's no it will pretty much always be him
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
well i mean if i don't i sometimes i don't go anywhere like i don't even leave my house but then again you do too yeah if mark happens to not have traveled and one of us happens to have traveled coincidentally that's the only shot we've got uh here we go two spins hey that's a bonus point for the shortest i've not stood next to him in a minute it could have changed mark do you contest on wade's behalf
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah, sorry. Mark is definitely the shortest. If we're allowed to make fun of him as much as we do for that, he gets that point. No questions asked. And spin number two. Oh, no.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
got the biggest laugh as we said at the beginning of this episode so did we are we sticking with el servo got the biggest laugh did it get a bigger laugh than mark's traffic light colors because that was also pretty funny i mean if you want to argue against your own self that's fine but no i'll accept it i accept uh sir look i i will say i
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
toxic outside and our bill jumped by like 250 and the power company sent the bill and then they called and we're like are you guys okay are you good and i was like yeah there's fires and shit like i don't know it's been awful but they no one they just saw your bill and we're like all right well if they did call i didn't answer but yeah i feel like they're probably more um more into that
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
What I would throw out as biggest laugh for me was definitely, we haven't eaten at Blue Ash Chili because we usually pick somewhere else to eat. That's true. That's true. But that's still Wade, so.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Anyway, with those points added, Mark is the shortest. Wade got the biggest laugh. Wade, you finished with nine points. Yes. And Mark, you finished with nine points. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. The one man show. What percentage are we supposed to be at for this? It's going to be 12, I think. It's going to be 12 now, yeah. Okay, good. I'm sure this will be fine for me. And here we go.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
17%? What's that? 1 in 5 is 20%. I know that. I don't know what 1 in 6 is. Because I'm too stupid at math. It might be 1 in 6, I think. I survived! And Mark wins. Congratulations, Mark. And no one accidentally said the un... F word. Unfucked? Oh, he said it. Flip the coin, see who gets fucked. Anyway, congratulations, Mark. Wade, you lose.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't want to be that guy, but if you're talking Cincinnati exclusive, Skyline is not either.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't even know if that's accurate. There are definitely multiple skylines in Columbus. That's still Cincinnati. Columbus is anything. It's Cleveland. You deserve better than that. No, we don't.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I keep trying to move back to Ohio, but I just keep picking somewhere else to move. Anyway, congratulations, Mark. That means you're going to host the next one. Thank you for listening and or watching. I was going to try and send a message to the listeners only, but the watchers can hear also, so that's not going to work.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Make sure you follow us on our socials, MarkPlyer, LordMinion777, and MySkirm. Make sure you follow this podcast. Hit the little plus thingy or checkmark or whatever the hell button it is, because then you'll get notifications when episodes come out. Make sure you watch the video version of this podcast, available on Spotify and also on YouTube now. So we heard you.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Some of you complained about that. A small contingent. We're very interested in that. It's over there. You can go watch it now. There is no merch. I won't get your hopes up. There is no merch, and maybe there never will be. But maybe. Thank you so much for watching and listening. My name is Bob. This has been Distractible, and this is the end. Podcast out.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Good math. I can tell you. It's okay. You're getting that back because the server farm is very profitable, I assume.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Hello and welcome back to, for some reason, another episode of Distractible. Couldn't tell you why, it just keeps happening. My name is Bob, I'll be your host for today. I'm the host because I won the last one, and the way this works is, the host is the winner. Oh, and the winners for this one are going to be either Mark or Wade, because that's the other part of how this works.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
How much Globersalt do you need for it to die in a tragic Globersalt accident?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I will say to people who live outside of California, I don't know if it was the same, but we lived in the Bay Area. Your power bill can get out of hand pretty quick. I think the biggest single month power bill we ever had was like... I want to say it was like 700 bucks almost. And we did not have a server farm. I did have two computers that I ran.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I, that was during the period where I was streaming like eight to 10 hours a day. And we had, and it was like a hundred plus degrees for the entire month of July kind of deal. And so it was like a lot of usage, but three grand is a lot. Yeah. It's impressive. You know, Ohio, that'd probably be like 600 bucks. It's that beautiful, clean coal. Yeah.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
As long as it floats over into the air around another state, it's clean here. Take that, Pennsylvania. Well, Wade, how much money have you wasted since the last time we talked? Okay, is it a waste if it's something you want and you're enjoying it? Well, it's also pretty mean to say that Mark's wasting that. That's not a waste, but... Girl Scout cookies arrived.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
All right, Vector, how many Girl Scout cookies did you buy? Nine boxes. That's not even how much do they cost each?
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Oh, I thought you were going to say, I ate four of them so fast. Counts as nine.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I mean, it has to last you a whole year. That's really not that crazy. Like you buy a lot and you keep the Thin Mints in the back of the freezer or, you know, whatever. You just keep them around. Thin Mints are so good. They are. Frozen thin mints on a hot summer day. Not much compares in terms of cookies.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Yeah, Samoa. Those were my favorite and still are in my top three of all time. When I was a kid, those were my absolute favorites. Especially if they get warm because the caramel gets kind of soft. Listen, Girl Scout cookies are like the thing to look forward to in spring. Can I just say I've never gotten over the feeling of it when it's Girl Scout cookie season.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
You know how they'll every time you go to like a grocery store or anywhere, there's like a table with like a mom or a parent and like three girls and you walk in and they're just like Girl Scout cookies and they're all like shy and adorable and stuff. And I know I like I try not to buy them. Is it possible to walk past that and not just feel like an asshole? I've never done it.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's not a personal thing against those specific girls. I just probably already have the ones I need. The bigger update. Mm-hmm. Car decision has been made. Is there a car parked somewhere on property that you own? Because that's really the litmus test. I don't believe you.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I win because I'm the host. I'm the host because I win. I host this one. I win this one. I host the next one. I'm the host forever because all I do is win, win, win, and so on.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Last time we got a car, I found a car on the lot on the internet. We showed up, we test drove it. That car was ours within five hours. It was a long time of paperwork and bullshit, but... We bought it same day because I picked it out online and I was like, this is exactly the spec I wanted. And then we bought it because they had it and I knew they had it and we bought it.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't believe you. I don't even slightly believe you. At this point, I think you just make up the car thing so that you have something in your life to talk about that's not...
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
It's actually the Lexus Experience. They ship it to you in a beat-up UPS box.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I ordered mine through Timu. Showed up, and it was a child-sized car. It was a fully functional, complicated car. It was just small.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Marsh Madness is going on. I haven't watched any of it. I am so solidly in the middle of the pack of the family bracket challenge that my father-in-law set up. I'm killing it. It's the best I've ever done. I have Duke winning it all. They're still in it as far as I know. They are. I don't think that's likely, but... It's possible. Aren't they well seeded? They're a number one seed.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
They're just not. Houston seems to be the one everyone thinks is going to win. And Auburn is an outside shot. I don't see anyone talking about Duke winning.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't know anything about basketball. So I'm solidly in the middle of the pack is like basically top tier performance for me. So it's a family thing, right? So it's like family and a couple of family friends and stuff. Almost everyone is in a similar area. And there are definitely a couple of people who clearly knew something or got lucky and like are in the lead pretty solidly.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
But poor Mandy's poor brother. I don't know what he did to choose. I don't know if it's random or if he he's not like a sports guy, but his so are right now where it stands is we all have somewhere in the neighborhood of like 45 to 50 some points in the way the points break down. Yeah.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
Mandy's brother picked a team to win that's already out and has 22 points somehow and has only picked correctly 19 times out of 40 some games.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
I don't know if he chose all underdogs or what. I don't think he even cares, but if he does, sorry, bud. He's like, 16 is bigger than one. 16 is probably going to win. It's not even like funny, like, ha, you suck. It's like, damn, how did you even, how did that happen? Like, shit. It's because he tried to think about it.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
One of the things about brackets is as it goes on, your total amount of points you could earn, if all the rest of your choices were correct, is like it lowers, right? Because every time you get one wrong, you lose. I can still earn 160 points on my bracket. That's the max score I can get.
Distractible
Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati
His max bracket score right now is 62 points, which is barely enough to compete with the people currently in the lead of our bracket challenge. So you're saying there's a chance...
Office Ladies
The Edge, Pt 2
I don't know, Charles. I don't think it'll work, Charles. It will work. No. It will work. What one man can do, another can do. You can't kill the bear, Charles. He's ahead of us all the time. It's like he's reading our minds. He's stalking us, for God's sakes.
Office Ladies
The Edge, Pt 2
Say it! I'm going to kill the bear. Say it again. I'm going to kill the bear. And again. I'm going to kill the bear. Good. What one man can do, another can do. What one man can do, another can do. Say it again. What one man can do, another can do. And again. What one man can do, another can do. Yeah.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Biden DROPS THE HAMMER on Trump with REAL STRENGTH
What's your name? Bob. I'd like to thank you for lowering the cost of my insulin. It makes a big difference in my life. God love you, it does. It truly does. Until 2025? Yes. Nobody will, no senior will ever have to pay more than $2,000 for every single drug they have. That is, you don't know how I'm paying almost $5,000 a year and I'm on Medicare. It's going to go down to a maximum of $2,000.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Biden DROPS THE HAMMER on Trump with REAL STRENGTH
That's incredible. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. We love you, Mr. President.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Biden DROPS THE HAMMER on Trump with REAL STRENGTH
Hi, how are you? What's your name? Phoenix. I want you all to see that.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Trump Gets Destroyed by Dem Govs in Public
I was proud that, you know, when Donald Trump was first elected, the first state to stand him in court was Washington State. We have a state of leaders at the local and state level who are very, very committed to defending your rights and upholding the values of all Washingtonians. We've been first in the past. We're first again. We'll stand up for your rights. We'll protect your freedoms.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Trump Gets Destroyed by Dem Govs in Public
That's central to who we are, and we'll continue doing that.