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Chapter 1: What is the Mark of Theseus?
Guten Abend, verehrter Hörer und willkommen bei Distractable. Ja, ja, ja. It's time for Mark of Theseus. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Bis zum nächsten Mal.
Chapter 2: Who is hosting today's episode?
I am Markiplier. I'm hosting today's episode because I won last time.
And that means I have to subject these two wonderful, beautiful competitors to my whims. I know you said nice things, but I was fully prepared to be offended by your descriptors of us. And I'm taking a little aback. You can be offended. I don't think that's appropriate. You were very nice.
Chapter 3: What are the competitors' thoughts on video games?
Thank you. You get one nice point. I wasn't listening. Do I get a point for obliviousness? Yep. Oblivion point. I'll give you that. Great game. Needs a remake.
I don't know if it needs a remake. I don't know if that was a great game. Nah, great game. Don't play it, but great game. Morrowind, I think, was a great game.
Oblivion was just... Man, he's the cousin at the family reunion you don't want to talk to, you know?
Damn. Looks odd. But there's so much funny shit if you're willing to put hundreds of hours into it. Oh yeah, for sure, for sure.
Also I really should have brushed my teeth, man. I just ate orange chicken and I can still see it. My teeth are very orangey. Yum.
I haven't eaten anything. I'll tell you what though. I've been doing like a high protein diet. I haven't eaten anything. I haven't eaten anything. Not because I've been cutting on carbs a lot. Not to talk about diet. I'm sorry for everybody who doesn't like to talk about diet.
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Chapter 4: How does diet affect health?
I like it. Not eating carbs is really good for your teeth. Like my teeth feel healthier. It's something about how carbs and sugars just kind of ferment in your teeth.
And if you're not super careful about flossing and brushing all the time, it can catch up to you. And so not having that has actually been quite good for my teeth. I always speed on the highway so nothing catches me.
You don't have a car. Damn, man. I give you a lying point.
I was just imagining you running.
Funny story about that. I think this is the first time we've chatted since Thanksgiving. It's been a minute. So apparently there was, I don't know if it's a TikTok thing or if it was just one-off, what it was. But my nephews at Thanksgiving were showing me something on their phone where there was like an uncle race, like the family uncle race.
The four old dudes got into a line and started running and like one of them stopped immediately. One of them like fell over. One of them kind of just veered off to the left and one of them kind of like to the finish line. My nephews were like, we need an uncle race. And my brother was like, no. Ich hab gesagt, ich werde Onkel race. Und die haben gesagt, es gibt keinen anderen, der race.
Ich hab gesagt, was, wenn ich dich race? Die haben gesagt, Onkel Wade, wir wollen dich nicht schämen. Wir sind eingeladen und ich habe diese kleinen Scheißen gewonnen. Ich habe jeden von ihnen verletzt. Ich habe es immer noch.
Das ist, weil Kinder keine Ahnung haben, wie alt es wirklich ist. Also du versus ein 90-jähriger Mann ist im Grunde die gleiche in ihrer Meinung.
35, I still got it, man. I'm still in my prime.
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Chapter 5: What happens when family gathers?
There's people that go to the Olympics at that age.
You are the only one who's trying to downplay our glorious age of 35. I'm up. I just said I want to race. What do you mean downplay? I'm saying I'm awesome. Yeah, but you're saying it in a way. For our age, I'm awesome. There we go again.
What? You're qualifying. Why are we qualifying?
You have to qualify to go to the Olympics too, Mark. Just some people go to the Olympics. It's okay for them. Those words are technically related to each other, yes.
Thank you. I rest my case, Your Honor. Bob, how's your life? Good, really good. I've been sick for a month and a half straight. That's great, man. I've been sick, Manny's been sick, Baby's been sick. It turns out Baby's just bringing all kinds of little everything because he has no immune system and then everyone passes it around because we all, you know, we hang out a lot.
James got sick first, back in October. And then I got sick and then Mandy got sick. And then Mandy kind of stayed sick. And then I kind of got better. And then James almost got better, but then he got more sick. And then he kind of got me sick again. And I think I just got Mandy sick again. We've all just had like a cough and a sore throat and a stuffy nose for like a month and a half.
Es geht gut, es geht gut. Außerdem denke ich, dass ich mein Leben über eine Dekade verletzt habe, weil ich ein Handgelenk auf unserer vorderen Bühne installiert habe. Wir haben konkrete Steine nach vorne unserer Haus und es gibt kein Gelenk oder irgendetwas auf unserer Bühne. Es ist super gefährlich. Also habe ich ein Handgelenk mitgebracht, das ich in den Konkret gedrillt habe.
Nachdem ich all das gemacht habe, solltest du eine Art N92-Maske für Partikel tragen, weil wenn du Konkret drehst, macht es wirklich feine Messothelioma-Type Stoffe. Es ist nicht Messothelioma, aber es ist... Und während ich das gemacht habe, war ich wie drillen, wie ein Hammer, der Konkret drillt. Sehr unangenehm. Es ist literally wie... Für Millimeter nach Millimeter.
Und während ich das gemacht habe, hatte ich den Moment von...
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Chapter 6: Why support small businesses?
Unless I'm going in and grabbing the product myself, they've always been terrible.
If our ratings start to slip next year, though, you gotta go back.
Oh yeah, I'll totally recant all that. I'll do anything for a sponsor, don't worry.
Oh, I was thinking more for content, but sponsor too, I guess.
Oh, yeah, no, whatever. I guess content, but I mean, we could stage all kinds of stuff for content. Every time you pass an alley and someone goes and wants to buy a fridge, you gotta go in there for the content, man. You just gotta. Just have a basement with like eight fridges in it. Can't stop.
It'd actually be really cool if a guy did that and like opened up his jacket and he said like little models of fridges and he's like, yeah, which model do you like? What are you looking for? And he just opened the little tiny models and they were just tucked in his jacket.
I mean, it could work. It turned out he's totally legit. You go into his dark alley and then you pick one and he pulls out a clipboard with a bunch of work and he's like, alright, we can get this delivered to you in about a week. I want to be alley trench coat fridge guy now. Do you want to sign up for the alley appliance store rewards program? It's free to sign up and you'll get some emails.
It helps you, helps us. 20% off this fridge right now. Gut, gut. Ich bin froh, Wade, du hast Bob über das Fridge-Update gefragt. Ich habe ihm den Punkt dafür gegeben. Danke. Das ist fair. Ich habe völlig vergessen, dass wir das nicht beantwortet haben.
Ich kann das nicht glauben. Es ist schon lange her, seit wir darüber gesprochen haben.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of health insurance?
Are we selling distract assurance?
No. Welcome to the Mark of Theseus. I have here, I have here a drawing of myself. You look very derisive in your drawing.
Dude, I'm seeing you guys in like 180p, so that's not doing anything.
Nein, nein, du kannst es sehen, du kannst es sehen. Also, ich habe einen blanken Slate, weil ich einen Top-to-Bottom-Reparationen von fast jedem Teil von mir machen möchte, weil ich denke, es ist nur Zeit, von der Grunde her wieder zu machen.
Also, wie wird das funktionieren? ist, dass ich einen meiner vielen, vielen Körperpartien vorlegen werde. Viele Körperpartien, die ich für Upgrade habe.
Und ich möchte, dass ihr vorlegt, welchen Upgrade diese Partie haben wird.
Und ich wähle, wer mehr enttäuscht von einem Upgrade ist, für das neue Ich, das in der Zukunft sein wird.
Und dann wird jeder, der diesen Spot bekommt, diesen Punkt bekommen. Und dann am Ende werde ich ein ganz neues Ich sein. Und werde ich das gleiche Ich sein? Do we have any budgetary restrictions or anything? Or is it just the sky's the limit? Insurance will cover it now. Things really are changing.
What an inspiring episode. Yeah, let's do it. What's this episode called? God bless health insurance companies.
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Chapter 8: How do upgrades relate to personal identity?
And I feel like you could upgrade that substantially if you replace left leg with, you know those Segway wheels where you stand on it and you can like, it's like a one wheel almost, but it's like you replace your left leg with some kind of wheel based traversal instrument where it's like, You can just pick your right leg up and you become like a wheelie man. You know, you got the wheels.
What's that guy, the duck guy, who has the wheel legs?
Oh, yeah, what is he?
Yeah, I know who you're talking about, the duck man. Space duck man. Space duck wheel. Space duck wheel. Duck wheel.
Duckwheels, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he dives into the pile of coins, right. Alright, so, uh, wheel, I think is what that boils. At first I thought you were gonna say, you're a right leg guy, so you know what your left leg should be? Another right leg. Nein, ich würde nur sagen, dass du es nicht so viel benötigst.
Also, das Rad, es enthält einige der Funktionalitäten, die dein linkes Bein aktuell hat, aber dein rechter Bein ist wirklich das, was du dafür brauchst. Es ist wie ein poweriertes, selbstbebalanciertes, gyroscopisch stabilisiertes Radsystem. Es ist wie ein ganzes System. Das ist wichtig. Okay, all right. Wade, was denkst du, äh, Hintergrund zu dem?
Alright, left leg. So you, we know you're a right leg guy. You kick with your right leg. We accept that. So left leg is kind of a plant leg, but your plant leg is important. So you need to be made out of something sturdy. I'm thinking a power line, like a power pole that has electric wires going to it. Okay. He's hooked by power cables into the power grid already and permanently or...
Not necessarily hooked in yet, but he can hook in and he's got the cables ready to go. He can be connected.
It's like a big power strip.
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