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Chapter 1: What is this episode about?
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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, blundering Bob deals with a brain-dead Baldi, shuns socials, and plays fictional character look-alikes. Maxed-out Mark gets annoyed with Apple, twirls his moustache, is earnestly stinky, and John A. When some Wade gets his Sith on, becomes Mr. Rogers, a wiener, shaggy, and a maester.
From constitutional conundrums to game of thongs. Yes! It's time for Who Is Us? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back.
To your... Oh, I had a bit for this. Eh, doesn't matter now. Welcome back to Distractible. If you wanted expectations for what you're about to see, that sets them fairly accurately. My name is Bob. I'm going to be your host because I won the last one. And today's competitors, as always and forever, will be Mark and Wade, my co-hosts. They don't have to say hi.
We'd never know. It's never clear of when we're supposed to say hi.
It's the big empty pause where I stopped talking and look at you. It's next council. We'll figure it out. You know what it is in my head is I know that that's a problem. And so I look and I'm like, they're probably not going to talk. I should just keep going. And then my setup for you is worse than it needs. It's, it's my fault. That's okay.
I can accept that. I can accept that. I'll accept it. No, we just need rules. We need more rules.
That's what if we've learned anything, especially what the listeners like, it's we need way more rules. And they need to be more complicated.
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Chapter 2: What happens with Apple business accounts?
Wait a minute. If there's one thing we know, it's that Mark's small talks last about three months each before we move on to the next one. This one's taking a strange turn, you know, because Apple made me that store, right? And that was weird. Really nice of them.
Still doesn't work their regular business store, which is weird I tried signing up for a like business account and then they said in the email Hey, you should try out our small business store It sounds like this is more for you and I'm like I tried that you made me you gave me this enterprise store I didn't want it. So I signed up for Apple business manager and
And to do that, you have to verify your business, right? You have to verify your real business. You need the DUNS number. Yada yada, right? I did that. I talked about that. Well, I didn't get approved. And then they deleted my account.
I'm sorry, what?
Are you not small enough? Not business enough? Or which? I don't know. Which criteria did you fail? So they didn't tell me. That's the thing. It was like back in the early days of YouTube when my channel got deleted and they didn't say why or my demonetized. And it was just like straight up. The email went like, we couldn't verify your account. Next email.
A minute later, we've deleted your account. Why? Why did you delete my account? So I sign up again and I try to verify and I have a Dunn's number. I put in all the information I put in. They need a second person to verify it. So like, oh, I'll put Mary who does like the accounting and she'll be able to answer all their questions to verify it's a business. Nope. Deleted again.
I got deleted two more times and it's waiting like two days in between each of these. So by the final one, I call them up again. Calling has been a nightmare. Apple, I don't know. You just press star and you go straight to the CEO, I think. Oh, man, they were about to pass me up there for a totally unrelated reason.
I was trying just to get them to push an order through again because I made an order. It went over the credit limit and I was like, oh, I got to pay off that card. And I called them to get back there. Totally separate issues. I got passed to six different people.
before circling all the way back from apple tie up the chain to the bank they send me to the bank the bank's like why are you here send me back to apple one more pass and then it's like i got you someone actually solved the problem which was just let me click this button blink order 30 minutes anyway i call them about the business manager thing about like why they're deleting it and he goes like oh i don't know that's a mystery department
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts feel about social media?
That's great. I love how easy it is to just buy and use their products. It just works, and everything makes sense. I'm in the midst of a, not dissimilar, but a relatable experience to that. I bought a thing, it came, it didn't work, and I went to the dude to do the online return, and it was like, oh, just bring it into a store.
And they sent me an email that was like, here, just bring it into the store. Here's the number you need. And I brought it into the store, and the guy at the store was like, oh, did you use your phone number when you bought this? And I was like, I don't, I think so. I bought it through your website. It's not like I bought it from, ooh, there's no, your phone number's not coming up.
Well, okay, I'm holding the thing here. Can you just take it and give me a refund? They're like, pfft. no like well I have an email that says bring it to any store and they'll do the return and or exchange I'll exchange it I don't even care and he was like I can't help you that you're going to have to go back to the internet.
And like, I stood there and looked at him and I was like, your company says, and then you says, do I just own this broken thing now forever? Like what? I went to another store yesterday and the guy literally, while they were doing the transaction, the guy at the store was like, you said you tried to do this before. What store did you go to? And I was like, Oh, over in this other place, that store.
And he was like, what did you work with? I was like, I don't know, like medium tall guy, like shaved head goatee. And he looked at me and was like, That makes sense. That makes sense. He's so stupid. I'm so sorry. And then he just did the return for me, because apparently the guy I went to the store to talk to just didn't know how to do it.
Ah, interesting.
But anyway, that's a little bit different, but when the company tells you conflicting things like that, or deletes your account repeatedly, I don't understand. I don't understand.
Thankfully, it wasn't my normal account. It was an account that I made specifically for signing up for this.
Jesus, they just delete your main personal Apple account. Your phone and all of your Apple. Everything is just like, oh, you don't have an account. Turns out I'm not a computer anymore. You're surprisingly chill about it. This sounds like the kind of thing that would make my head explode a little bit.
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Chapter 4: What are the different characters the hosts relate to?
It looks like I do because the rest of my beard is disappearing before your eyes.
But it's still a mustache, even though if you have other beard.
Yeah, I'm just saying it's pronounced because it's still dark. Sometimes I look at my own face and I've, you know, I've had stubble for so long, but occasionally I'll notice just how defined my mustache is and how downturned like handlebar style it is. And so occasionally I'm just like, wow, I actually do just straight up have a mustache.
I don't think about it, though. Dude, if you ever go, if you ever want to transition back to clean shaven or if you have to do that for whatever, you should definitely just go with mustache for a minute. Just get down to the mustache and see how that looks just for a minute.
I have with like shorter stubble mustache. I should just grow all of it out and then get big bushy mustache. Because the rest of it's pretty patchy, but this has always been solid up here. I want to perfectly shave all of the gray beard out and just see the weird pattern of, like, dark that's left. You get some gray dissolving fluid and it only leaves the dark hair. I like it.
Flashes of hair here and there. It's like, oh, there's a dark one. That's a keeper. It's like gold member. That's a keeper.
Oh, yes, that's nice. Yes.
Weren't they going to make another one of those? I don't know. I've had a weird... YouTube's algorithm has decided that Austin Powers is what I want in my life right now. I've had a weird amount of Austin Powers recommendations in the last two or three weeks. Yeah, those recommendations are sticky as hell. It just really latches on.
I don't know why, but Austin Powers has been all over my timeline lately. Maybe it's because Mike Myers is kind of like back a bit because he's been doing some SNL stuff. I don't know, but like... I just feel like those movies are kind of out of their era.
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Chapter 5: Which Austin Powers character fits each host?
Scott Sterling. I'm sorry. Lance Sterling attempts to capture the mad scientist who continuously evades capture with his appearance-altering device.
His first target is Cincinnati, Ohio. What? Oh, no. Wait a minute. Dr. Otto's first target is Cincinnati, Ohio. It all makes sense.
We would naturally be the first target. Why does he have a hand on top of his head? That's just what happens sometimes.
Oh, man.
All right.
In that universe, I'm the hand. I'd like to be the changing coffin. It wasn't even shot in Cincinnati. His first target was Cincinnati, but it was mainly shot in Tennessee. Come on.
That is ridiculous. Tennessee has about the same amount of letters as Cincinnati, probably. Can I be laughing Jack O'Cockney, the pirate captain?
Is that a thing in the movie?
That's the thing in the movie, yeah. Yeah, during his adventure, he goes to multiple different locations. He goes on like this horror expedition and this big fantasy expedition. And then finally, he goes on an adventure before he realizes that he wants all three things. He has to return the books to the library before he goes back to his treehouse.
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