Cloacas, buttholes, and toxic gas. That can only mean one thing... Mark's hosting! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the theme of this episode?
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Massacring Mark threatens a micro-knifing, plays a trailer, points out ploom-boom poisoning, and butthole biology. Bizarre Bob gets goosey, and Agent Anus doesn't get wood, recollects eating chalky octopi and tungsten tootsies.
Whittling Wade talks melting piles and crouching crabs, antagonising the Arbiter and Riz's radiologists. From dominating Cincinnati to crispy babies. Yes! It's time for Mark Prepared for This. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
I pretty much assume that if you're somewhere where you're on a voice call and it's being transmitted, there's no reason to think that that's not being watched if someone really wanted to. Like, I know there are end-to-end encrypted services, which, besides Super, is not, as far as I know. But even then, it's all managed by someone.
Chapter 2: How do secure connections work?
Someone, some greasy code monkey somewhere has a computer where they could just pull it up if they so chose.
The only way to get a... secure connection is to own the fiber from one point to the other. And what I discovered recently is AT&T offers that as a service. They will run the fiber from one to another place, a new line all the way using old conduits and stuff, but a new line all the way from one building to another to do that. And I asked like, whoa, why would that be for?
And they say like police stations do it all the time. Secure government buildings do it all the time because they need no one to be able to get in that or have any other. So AT&T or whoever does the internet, they build it and then they hand off all the equipment. So it is a thing that can be done. We just don't have anywhere close to the resources to be able to do that.
how expensive would a cross-country distractible fiber wine be oh probably in budget right we need a few more sponsors but we'll get there if you lived in cincinnati then we would just need cross a couple county lines fiber one secure yes delicious no well fiber one's tasty
Not the one that we're using for our connection. I don't think that's Fiber One. I think that's just regular. You know what? Was that quoting a commercial?
Yeah, it's the Fiber One and Fiber Brownies. Is that D2 Steel you're shining in my face? Get that bullshit out of here.
It's just on my desk now. It's not serving any purpose except being on my desk.
Bowling Green State University-ass Steel. Get that out of here. Are we? Is this the episode? Are we going? Is this it?
Yeah, we're going. this is like the weirdest snl cold open that's ever happened anyway hi you've been listening for a little bit but welcome to distractible this is the podcast that you love or else you're gonna get a face full of this just like me and my 22 it's very threatening and deadly i don't know i i swear to god people who are into guns just selectively hear things because that on on the
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Chapter 3: Why is lead considered dangerous?
And it will then leach into your body throughout the entirety of the time that your bones... Wolverine. No.
Kind of like opposite Wolverine. You have the floppiest bones in existence.
Heavy bones, but really malleable. It's good stuff. Yeah, I just want to say very clearly that I'm not California crazy just because I don't like lead. Lead is pretty much universally understood by most of the scientific community as not good to have around. There used to be leaded gasoline. Why do you think it all says unleaded now? Now, hold on. I think we withdrew from the scientific community.
You're really right about that one.
Now we've got Leto Pebbles. Leto Puffs. Leto Puffs.
lead fools anyway that's that's all i wanted to say about that is like lead is actually bad it's not a political statement to say lead there's no manliness from firing lead bullets it's not it's not it's not about that well there is because grandpappy told me there is you're right grandpappy i did a search mark and not to contradict you but it seems like lead is malleable and resistant to corrosion otherwise not good for anything so i think i'm corroborating you
Since we're talking about lead, and since I don't know anything about the thing you're talking about, I always thought it was really fucking unhinged that water pipes were made of lead for a long time. And I didn't know until, I don't know, it was a while ago now. But at some point, I did learn they were lead pipes lined with stuff.
And that's why when they put them in, everyone wasn't just immediately getting lead poisoning. But that's also why there are so many communities in our country now that you can't drink tap water. Or if you do drink tap water, you get lead poisoning, which leads to horrific long-term effects in children and in adults.
Because it turns out when you line the thing with some other thing, the lining just wears off eventually. And so you just have your water literally flowing through pipes made of toxic metal.
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Chapter 4: What are the health impacts of lead exposure?
We know some things about some of the stuff, but not sharks and not most of the other stuff.
Disclaimer, I have not personally checked every living being in the world for lead in their biological processes. It is totally plausible that there is some bacteria or some tree somewhere that has a very unique structure that does use lead. And we just haven't done a complete breakdown of it's like. internal biological processes.
The data that I saw was of all the creatures that we do know how they work in their biological processes is, and then conjecture leads to the idea that since lead is toxic and it is bad for traditional biological processes, the life as we know it probably doesn't have lead in all of it. So it's an assumption, but it's a well-formed assumption based on data that has been extrapolated.
But also I'm not a scientist and I didn't make the data in the first place, but it's pretty well known. There's a lot of studies about it and how bad it is. All I'm hearing is that Mark lied. No, I didn't lie. Big lead is going to come after me.
This is just another one of those theories like gravity or... Revelevity. Revelevity? Yeah, Einstein's thing, right? Oh, Revelevity. Yeah, you're right. Isn't that where you can hover off the ground when you're a magician on the street and revelate? Anyway, does that make you feel better? Do you feel better, Mark?
Yeah. I have nothing else for the episode. Well, well, well. Great episode, boys. Who won? No, no, no, no. We've got to fill this time. Oh, how do you feel about magnesium? Pretty cool. Take a magnesium supplement. Does it upset your tummy? No. Not really. You'd think that it would because I take all my vitamins at bedtime all at once.
So I take a magnesium supplement, a B vitamin supplement, a whole multivitamin, and then something else. I forget what it is. But it's good for me, probably. Apparently, polonium is the worst element to ingest.
You still taking your cobalium?
Yeah, that's the B vitamins. What's polonium? Toxic, radioactive, discovered by Mary Curie. Where have I heard that name before? I think she curied a disease.
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Chapter 5: Are sharks considered fish?
No, I don't think there is.
Is there a butthole museum?
Subreddit? Defend him. Defend him. I'll finish this article up. Goddamn. There you go. This article goes a long while, but it's from Atlas Obscura, written by Lina Zeldovic, published January 28th, 2025.
I feel like calling it the oldest anus is a little bit of a mislead. They're not that old. It's a species that's had anuses for who knows how long. Ten thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of years.
No, no, no. Comb jellies live up to three years. My anus is older than that. That's weird to think about. Our anuses are older than any living comb jelly is known to me.
Maybe these geneticists want to come up to our butts. Is that an invite? Because this goes out publicly. We'll be careful with that.
I don't know if I want to make the claim that I feel like a lot of buttholes look the same. If someone's like, wait, that's got to be Wade's butthole.
Bald. Buttholes are like fingerprints, I think.
I don't want to think about it. They have those little like ridges and lines.
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Chapter 6: How accurate are the podcast's scientific facts?
But they describe it as the warty comb jelly. the hum the warty comb jelly has an anus that appears and disappears making an animal with an intricate anus is it like you know you played peekaboo and it's just like the scientist like where'd it go it's got one where'd it go soldier future soldier camouflage is based on the comb jelly's anus Man, how innovative is this anus?
Uh, the giant California sea cucumber also has an intricate anus. It can breathe and eat through it. That's not that weird. Lots of things do that. The bombardier beetle can shoot a boiling mix of chemicals out of its anus. The marine worm remycelus multicudata has a body divided into a dozen branches, each ending in a butt. So it's got many butts? It's got a multi-butt? I guess so, yeah.
If you have a butthole, do you automatically have butt cheeks? I don't think so.
Yeah, not necessarily, I guess. There's probably some people out there with, like, negative butt, you know? So I don't think that qualifies as having cheeks.
Every interesting butthole article I can find all goes back to the jelly. I don't like that sentence. The comb jelly, the comb jelly.
Oh. I do have an anecdote. This is actually something happened the other day. I think just yesterday. You know I have my truck now, right? You have some truck nuts? No, I didn't. Not yet. I'll earn those soon. You know how Amy does this thing where every time she sees a Cybertruck, she just goes and hope they look, right? So that happened yesterday.
A Cybertruck pulled up on an on-ramp to go up into the highway thing.
On-ramp highway driving. Yes, cars.
Okay. I look over him, and I give him one of these, and then he guns it. Like, he guns it off the line, because, I don't know, he was trying to show off or something. He guns it.
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