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Chapter 1: What is the theme of this Distractible episode?
Good evening, gentle listeners and watchers, and welcome to Destructible. This episode, Mania Mark the Barmy Baker demands brainwork from the boys for finding fauna fanfares. Brunching Bob builds an illicit empire, emulates bird base, noses Gavrier Immer, and Tyler's termination. Wumbling Wade marvels at the man without fear, endures shitstorms, slaps hard, and screams.
From effusive eyeballing to outraged otarionay. Yes! It's time for Animal Noises 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Chapter 2: Who are the hosts of Distractible?
Hi, welcome back to Distractible. I'm so glad you're here. It's so good to see you. I hope you're ready for a lot of eye contact and a lot of ear contact from your favorite host, Markiplier. That's M-A-R-K-I-P-L-I-E-R. You okay, man? People been misspelling your name or something recently? I'm great. Oh, that sounds believable.
What are you looking at as you say that? You? I'm looking right at you. Why are we down there?
I don't know. Why are you down there? Hang on, let me move you.
It's a little unsettling when you're like, I'm fine. Can't you tell by the way I look at you?
I'm fine. I'm so good. You sound fine. Guys, I want you to rate the sanity of the snack that I'm eating for lunch. It's a tortilla. Zero. That I'm tearing into chunks and then scooping little bits of cream cheese with and then rolling up into little cream cheese rolls. Give you a cannoli point.
You want some? You're also going to get the, oh man, you're also on the wheel for the eating.
Yeah, baby. Okay. All right.
Tough challenge. Tough challenge.
So this is distractible. You found the right place. You've chosen us versus any other podcast out there. Maybe you were scrolling Spotify and you were just like, hey, I've never seen this one before. Why don't I give it a try? And here you are. And boy, how do you don't know what you're in for? This is a game show where I judge the performance of my friends, Bob and Wade here.
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Chapter 3: How to make homemade bread at home?
This has nothing to do with the episode, and this only has something that I'm proud of. I made bread. Oh, successfully? Homemade bread's really good. We were out of bread, and I really wanted to make Nutella on toast. Just toasting bread and putting Nutella on it. So, of course, instead of going to the store and buying bread, I was like, making bread can't be that hard.
And it turns out, usually when you say that, cosmically, it means it will be the most arduous thing you've ever done in your life. But in reality, because we had bread flour and yeast already, so long as you have those things, you can pretty much make bread. You could even do it with like, I never remember if it's baking powder or baking soda. You want soda, I think.
Baking powder, baking soda in your nose. Oh, wait, hold on. I'm trying to remember the scary movie cocaine quote. I don't remember it.
All right. Good joke. That was almost a point there, Wade, but could have gotten it. But yeah, no, I made bread. So you made like a sandwich loaf? Did you put like a little honey in it or something? What direction? No, it was a sweeter bread. I found a recipe. You know, there's recipes online where you click there and then you have to scroll through a million pages to get to the actual recipe.
Did you put the butt crack in the middle? I did not. No, I didn't. Why does bread have a butt crack? Well, I could have, but, you know, I accidentally made too much. See, I split the recipe in two for every ingredient except the liquid that's in there. So every dry ingredient was perfectly halved. And I was like, perfect. And it was either water or milk.
And I chose milk because I have this, like, higher protein milk. And I was like, ah, it'll have a little extra protein in it. And I boiled two cups. But then I decided to halve everything else. So I was like, perfect. Everything was halved. I did the math right. I double checked it. Dumped the whole two cups in there. Guess I'm making more bread, so I re-halved all the other ingredients.
And then I made a ton of bread, and I proved it in the oven at like 85 degrees. It's like 85 to 90.
You can prove it in there. And I should have let it go a tiny bit longer. It was almost perfect, but it needed to prove just a bit more. But I made it, and it was great. It tasted delicious. It was really good. I couldn't believe it. I made bread. How long did it take to make it?
It took probably the mixing took about, you know, 20, 25 minutes to get all the ingredients measured out and make a mistake and then fix it. Proving it took about maybe like an hour. I probably should have let it go for a little longer than that, like hour 15. That's in a heated drawer. Bake it for 30 minutes, and it was done.
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Chapter 4: How did Bob run a grilled cheese business in college?
I don't want to call out Amy, but she cannot make a bread to save her. Okay, no, but there is something to say. Amy cannot cook grilled cheese. What? Huh? She's a great cook, knows a ton of recipes, can make a ton of things. For some reason, cannot make grilled cheese. Like the outside burns before the cheese is cheesed or something? Yeah, exactly. I don't know what it is.
He's got to turn that temperature down a little bit. Welcome to the show where we criticize Amy's cooking, everyone. Yeah, I'm going to really pile on. Get ready, Amy. I know you watch these. Did you guys know I ran a grilled cheese empire in college? I feel like I should know that. It was after we lived together. It was a Sinfonia thing.
Were you still in a dorm?
no i lived off campus i was it was okay because you with an oven just in your dorm making or i guess a stove is what i mean uh to make grilled cheese for everyone it's kind of nuts sounding mark did that not that but mark made food in the dorm a couple times i remember that i made food like two times the microwave or i was only allowed to have like a microwave you know there was a little kitchenette there was a little kitchenette in the dorm and no one used it
I was a symphonian. Find me off a symphony.
It's a music fraternity. And we sold grilled cheese every Wednesday at lunch in CCM in the big, I don't know, entry, whatever the fuck it's called, atrium. And I was in charge of that for like two years. And I took it from...
thing where it was like the night before one of the dudes would go to Kroger and get some bread and some country crock and some cheese and they would sell it to where I had like a journal of like I kept accounting and I kept and we did specials where I got special bread and special cheese and you could get a dollar for a plain grilled cheese or like a few bucks for like a fancy grilled cheese.
We added tomato soup at some point. That was a big seller. You could add on a little cup of tomato soup for 50 cents with your grilled sheet. It was a whole thing. I turned that bitch into a profitable enterprise. I was going, I was buying eight, 10 loaves of bread, the whole like gallon of country crock, piles of cheese, all this stuff.
It was a whole thing. It was a veritable fixture of CCM.
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Chapter 5: What are the challenges of watching new shows?
The days I can't go outside and enjoy it, it's beautiful.
weekend i was like ah i've got this whole weekend to enjoy being outside rainy biggest wind we've had since like last fall thunderstorms puddles poo everything terrible poo raining from the sky what happened it didn't do that up here we only live half an hour apart maybe it was the dogs but it was just the poo everywhere and i thought it was from the clouds deer rabbit i don't know wolf i mean elephant something pooped all over the yard that's definitely elephant
It's pretty nice outside right now. You should... I'm in this chair all day today.
All right, I'll get off my old man rocking soapbox.
Wade yells at Cloud. Hey, come back tomorrow. This episode is brought to you by Walmart. I'm a busy guy.
I don't have time to grocery shop. I'm always busy, but more importantly, I'm very lazy. I like to have things delivered because it's convenient. Meat. What else people buy?
You can choose the date and the time. You never feel more powerful. Walmart subscriptions. Groceries and essentials delivered on repeat. Welcome to your Walmart. Shipping, delivery, and minimum order fees may apply. Eligible items only. Terms apply. In the era of sequels. This is another one. Oh. Weird part four. This is going to be another cerebral episode.
You're going to need to use your brain. Okay. You're going to need to use whatever form of imagination you have or are capable of. Well, okay. Calm down. And you need to use your ability at horticultury. Etymology? Entomology or etymology?
Can I look up etymology? Am I allowed to look that up?
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Chapter 6: How does Markiplier conduct the animal sound game?
Fair is fair. I will not on this. I know this one.
I don't know this one, but it sounds like a pig or a boar. Something with a boar.
That's not what it was.
You guys think I remember what happened last episode. You are crazy. I have the worst memory of all of us combined. Subtractually memory.
All right, Bob, do you know what this is? I think I do. That was the koala, right? Yes. All right. We did a koala last time. Are you sure? Yeah, we did. I remember because it sounded like that. And I was all, that's a koala this time.
Yeah, and here there's a bonus that I don't know if you guys will be able to hear it, but I have videos now.
Oh, wow. I can tell an animal by seeing it. Well, just so it proves what it is. I bet James could beat you at telling animals by seeing them. He probably could. I bet he could. That's a koala. It is a koala, yes. To the listeners, it says koala on the video. I don't like his mouth. I'm not a fan of that mouth shape. Nope. Don't like that. That's not pleasant. All right.
So Bob gets a point for the sound.
I get a point for the visual, right?
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Chapter 7: What are some funny animal sound guesses?
I'm pretty sure that's the opening to an Avenged Sevenfold song, but... No, that's definitely a mule.
No. Oh. Would you like to see the video? This is a Tasmanian devil.
I've heard what Taz sounds like, and it's not that. Kind of terrifying. So no one gets the point for that, but there is a point on the table for this imitation. Wade, you're back up. Oh, God.
I mean, not dissimilar. The snort, I think, really helped you there. That was not bad.
I don't know if it's the sound. There is like a snorty noise they make at the beginning of that video, right?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Absolutely.
Didn't feel good.
Bob? Oh, sure. No, that's just, that was just extreme sleep apnea.
It's really hard to snort and then make a scream noise right through it.
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