Jason Bateman
Appearances
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Hey, Ted, were you selling dope? Yeah. Were you selling dope at Dine Bands? What was going on?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. You can see you coming from across the street. I can see the ramp up. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Just try using a vacuum cleaner instead. You're so lazy, Henry. I'm telling you, I don't know. It's the next door neighbor. No, I know. And they're so messy over there.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Okay, yeah. It is the country one. Is it good? You've heard it? It's really good.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And you got to put Patsy in right, right? No, he was on first base. Ticket to the game. Patsy in right. First base.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Well, you're pitching too many over the middle of the plate, it sounds like. Well, I pitch shutouts. That was good.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
You know who did a great country album is Beck. You remember Beck's country album? Oh, yeah. It was very good. Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I want to get to you. Is it true that when you auditioned for Yale, when you went into Yale Drama School, that you completely blanked on your Shakespearean monologue? You made one up? Is that true? So you improvised in Shakespearean iambic pentameter?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Oh my God. Now, so how did you, did you get to Yale via acting chops or were you an academic?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Absolutely. No, and then you just tilt down and you see that. Oh, look at the pixies.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
That's not a real song. Is that a real song? It's just a great t-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Let's get to our guests. Another guest that I have. Listen, this damn project I'm working on here on the East Coast is really cutting into my prep time for my guests. And so I have not yet been able to write an intro for my guests since this project has been in existence.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Right. That's so interesting. Yeah, because you had to battle through some pretty significant dyslexia challenges, yes? I still do.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
So I'm not just going to just say his name. I will say I am happy to have this gentleman here. This is like the worst intro ever.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah, Amanda and I went over there, and Zoe was there, and Rob was there, the great Rob Reines.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I love him. He is a dear friend of mine and yours, Will, Sean. I think you may know him. I'm not sure. But listen, this is the kind of guy that has got so much kindness and warmth. in him that you actually, if you're a cynic like me, you doubt his sincerity. But if you know him as well as I do, you know it's sincere. Kang, this is somebody who is absolute royalty in our business.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
He wanted to be an actor, and I said, oh, you. Yeah, he's the contractor. You want something built in Los Angeles. He's a great builder of homes. He and his partner, Brian.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
You were crying right next to me, Willie. And then Shawnee went and go ahead and then he took a Tony Award for it. It's very nice. I knew that.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Henry, so you shoot out of the stratosphere with Happy Days. You are arguably one of the most famous men in the world. You probably can't walk down the street. what was that adjustment like? And then I want you to talk to me about the adjustment afterwards when you couldn't possibly match that level of success or profile.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
How did you weather that sort of gap between the end of happy days and the highlights that followed after that? Because you can't keep it up at that level. And how did you manage the swale?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
He is one of my favorite people in the world. He's one of our best actors, one of our best comics, an incredible author. You can't say enough. Just come on out. Everybody, it's Henry Winkler.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
But it was... So this was Fair Dinkum. This is the production company that was set up after Happy Days. And the acting calls were not... During. And the acting calls were not coming post Happy Days. But for eight years. But during that time, out of desperation or creativity or whatever it was, you started to diversify into producing and directing as well. Yes. And this is...
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
where directing those movies came along, and a little bit later, MacGyver, yeah? Oh yeah, MacGyver.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
All right. Now, how long did that one go? That sounds like a lot of sprinter.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Three or four years out of that one. Good Lord. All right, now, so then you're feeling buoyed by the producing success. There is still a passion for acting. Passion for acting, feeling horrible that there's nothing. Well, because you were so, I mean, you may have started the term typecast. because you were so identifiable as the Fonz because he was so, so popular.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I mean, listener, you know, this was at a time when there were three networks, period. And Happy Days was, if not the top show, one of the top shows. You're probably getting 30 to 40 to 50 million people watching it every week. You can't move. You can't ask an audience to see you as anything different because you're so beloved as that character.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
So to ask someone to hire you to play somebody else is probably a tall order. Right. You diversify into producing, you're doing the directing. At what point did you feel that maybe there'd been enough time now where you could start to have a realistic expectation to be hired as an actor?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And you got some good responses from that and it was a bit of a reset button for you?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Oh, yeah, that's right. Nice. And let's get to one of my favorite shows of all time. Sean, it's called Arrested Development, and you played a character on that. Let me write it down. So you knew Jeffrey when you came on the show. Yeah, a little bit. Did you know Mitch Hurwitz at all before you came? No, I did not.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And then the criticism was it was an episode so late in the run of the series that they had basically run out of ideas. And now... they're going to write that the Fonz jumps his motorcycle over a shark and, you know, oh my God, aren't they reaching for storylines? So, you know, it became known as, you know, well, you know, you don't want to write that episode. That's like jumping the shark.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
We have to actually have it in an episode. The Fox network says, yeah, the only way we can cash in the money from Burger King is we've got to get the name of the sandwich into the actual dialogue of the show. And we're just furious on set.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And there are all these... Well, Buster had just had his arm bitten off by a seal. By a seal. Out in the ocean.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
That's one of the greatest offices you'll ever step into. The wall that he's facing right now is stock filled with stuff you could spend an hour looking at. All these memories, all these tchotchkes and memorabilia. Right.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
No, I'll eat it. But I just think it's so incredible that you've got world-famous dyslexia and yet you're one of the most... world famous authors that there is. I mean, you know, and that you're a graduate of Yale and you have learning disability.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
It's just, it's so incredible what you've done with your life, the longevity of your career, your ability to maintain relevance, you know, Barry, you find, was that your first Emmy award? That was my first Emmy.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah, but I mean, having so much success for so long and you're actually still escalating, there's still a peak, you know, now at this age. So it's just so admirable what you have continued to do, maintain doing.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah. I get that. I get your appreciation. Yeah, it is sincere. I'm a believer.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And through all of this, you've managed to have one of the most successful marriages in show business, which is no. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Next Wednesday. So we're making news. Hey, listen, you had a good run. You had a good run. But the kids are happy, you know?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
But I'm crazy about Max and Zoe. I don't know Jed. I don't think. I don't think I've met Jed.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I'll buy it and read it. Henry, we love you. We do love you. I love you. You've given us 60 minutes of your valuable life, and we really, really appreciate it. Please hug and kiss your entire family.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah. And you could have taken your hair off even, Henry. Not a lot of people know that Henry has been bald since 14. 14 years old. Yeah, unfortunately.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Who's your favorite? Who's your favorite? My favorite. Who's your favorite?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Don't you misspell my name, goddamn it. We love you so, so much. I can't wait to come over for another yummy dinner.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I would love that. You got to do it. It's going to have to be waffles and tuna fish, right? Yeah, exactly. Together again. Is that all you eat? Pretty much.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah, listen up. So, hey. That white cheddar. Hey, get on it. All right, Henry. All right, see you, pal. Love you. Enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you. My best at home to everybody. Okay. Bye, pal.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
If you guys got your act together, you might be able to live as successful and as warm and as nice a life as he has, okay? Just mind it.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah, and then he found arguably even bigger success with Barry here almost 50 years later.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah, we're on the same flight. Oh, that's Sean. You're on it. All right. Yeah. We're on the same flight. Love you both so much. And an official bye.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Uh, Will, did you just finish a workout? You got a little bit of sweat going there on the front of the shirt? Uh-huh.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Was it... We're going to pop around all over the place, but while we're there, I mean, was it... The Fonz was not meant to be the star of the show.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
What's the flavor of workout currently? Are you still doing the nonsense with the, with the, uh, with the, with the platinum white leather, uh, punching bag? No. Remember that.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
So it was out of the license plate shop at the prison. You know what? It could have been. Just a spare license plate. It could have been.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
It became my mantra. Put it on metal as a bit of a clutter buster. He doesn't want to get caught up in all the other fan letters.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And I'll bet the big girl sent some lingerie. I mean, the fronds was a bit of a sex symbol.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
What a nice guy. That would be the first time I would doubt your sincerity, right there. Yeah, you can if you want. Sure.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Oh, I get it. Oh, this is the big lazy loser workout where you just zip on a suit that electroshocks you and you don't need to do shit.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I just did not get up early enough to take care of everything one usually takes care of in the morning. Like taking out the trash or what? Well, some people call it that.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
But, however, you were a Yale grad at this point. Yes. Out of Yale drama. Yes. So you were stocked full of credentials and ability. Did you not have confidence that you were going to be able to make a career?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I'm about to drive over to Henry's house and knock out the leaf blower. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him. Yeah, he's next door. He's next door.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
We really appreciate it. And I'd appreciate it if you stop talking to me like I can recall Beyonce videos at the drop of a hat, because I can't.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
No, it looks like you're from Seattle. Oh, God, if you could smell my patchouli right now. Willie, what's wrong? Yeah, tell us what happened.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Uncle sold cigars. What was the name of the Mother Nature one?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Was it clear to you guys doing that first project that there was going to be a long life to this friendship and this work collaboration? Or did that just kind of grow on its own?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But back then, and certainly after the success of Three Amigos, you guys could have, if you wanted to, start to generate your own sort of two-hander kind of vehicles, much like you guys are doing today with your live stuff. That didn't really... Did you think about it? Did that start?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
This is relatable complaints about having too much work. Is that what it is? Getting a lot of sympathy from the... No, no.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Now, for a couple of fellas that usually, with your level of success, want to do... The last thing they want to do is start bopping around the country on the frequency that you guys are, staying in hotels... Going up live every night. It's a big thing that you guys are doing all the time to massive success. And you probably do a million more shows. When you put it that way, geez.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But I mean, I just think it's just incredible that you guys are... Is it getting... Is it tiring? Are you sorry that you've got so much momentum built up with this and all the fans that you would disappoint if you stopped? I mean, you're screwed now.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
This, when you guys come together and you think up another show, because how many of the live shows, tours have you guys done? It's four, five, six?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Yeah, like what is that process like? Would it be like what the process would be, I'm assuming, for stand-up where you've got to spend a bunch of weeks or months accruing brand new material, observations, jokes, et cetera, and shape that into a set that you like? Is that the same process you guys go through? Or no, you're saying it's sort of the same core and then you just kind of update it, yeah?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And is there a formal process when you guys will get together and write? Or you do it via Zoom? Will you just sit there? Zoom. We'll do Zoom.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Now, Marty, is it true, Marty, that you originally saw yourself more as a singer and an actor? And if so, at what point did you feel it was a safe pivot to go into straight-up comedy, screw the singing, screw the I'm not going to be a character actor?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And you just assume that everybody's in your brain. Yeah. And everybody's frustrated as you are. All caught up. Can't they just read your mind? That's right. Anyway, this is wonderful. It is.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But I'm sure you must have been, you must have had some comedic success in high school, right? Junior high? Well, no, no, I was funny in the class.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Yeah, this is supposed to be a day of celebration. Can you believe we've done 200 of these? I can't believe 200 episodes. Does that mean that it's been 200 weeks since we debuted? Kind of. Is it clean math like that?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Is he? That's high praise because you know what you're doing on that thing, right?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Do you guys do a bit of a singing slash banjo playing piece in the live shows?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
What is the oldest joke that you still include in your set? Like the one that just never fails, it goes all the way back to Carson perhaps, you know, appearances there. No? Anything? I don't. I don't.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Marty, you're famous for really loving preparing very deeply for talk show appearances.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But you enjoy... Did I hear this right? That you enjoy preparing for talk show appearances, whereas some of us... Well, I just have a philosophy about it.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
2,000, sorry. So the math is tough for me, but that sort of correlates to what? Four years? Four years.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Again, to sort of the portion of the interview, hashtag relatable, talking about talk show appearances, I find that I start to feel sad and like I'm losing my soul as I start to like the two weeks before the talk show appearance, I start to really try to log things in my life. Oh, this would be good to talk about or this would be good.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And they're like deeply personal, cute moments, like with your children or whatever. And you think, well, fuck, why am I logging this for a talk show? Yeah, but it all works out, Jason.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
No, I feel like I should be more present in my moment with my children or whatever instead of thinking, oh, this is funny what she's doing. I'm going to talk to Kimmel about this. You're doing the right thing.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Well, 208. 208, right? Would it be four years? In two more months, it'll be four years. Right. We're less than smart.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I used to really resent having to. We're so bitter. Yeah. I know. When I was young and dumb and really super duper full of myself, I used to think, oh, you know, I'm going on this talk show. Like, they're lucky to have me. I don't have to prepare anything. Fuck that, you know. And they're not paying me to write. And, of course, you know, the appearances were terrible.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And I would see them and I was just like, oh, my God, you punk. And then as I got older and wiser, as we all do, then you start really working on stuff. And that pre-interview with the producer for Tracy, a lot of this stuff is talked about beforehand so that there is a cohesive six minutes where you're going to get to a few questions. And
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Not that the answers are prepared, but you've got sort of an angle that might be entertaining for the audience.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But you could do that, and there are certain hosts that could definitely do that and not need that, because sometimes the notes are really almost there more for them. But a lot of them, like Kimmel, for instance, you can just go on there and you can just go right off the questions. You sit down, how are you doing? Great, and you guys are just both riffing.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
You're having a conversation like we're having. I mean, we're barely prepared. I'm certainly barely prepared. What's my next question here?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Now, there's word that you guys are going to be going to Los Angeles with it. Is the whole show switching to Los Angeles or no?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Gotcha. But it is shot in New York. Right. Yes. Do you both live in New York?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Would you guys like for it to be shot in Los Angeles 100% of the time?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Yeah. It's 208, man. Yeah, yeah. So we're not there yet, but soon it'll be four years. So not four years, but we're 200.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But talk about an out-of-the-box piece of casting with Selena Gomez just obviously seems incredibly genius now. But, like, the two of you with her is so unexpected. How did that come about?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Now, talk about another thing that you would think would be unexpected. Steve, you've lived a very private life. It's very, very cool, very mysterious. I love that about you. You don't seek attention. Marty. And yet you've got this... But there's this documentary coming out that is covering you from soup to nuts, or already out. Yes. And was that pulling teeth to get you to be a participant?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I mean, Morgan Neville as a director would probably be a huge draw for you, but...
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Oh, yeah. No, I've got them all standing up. I've turned them into little side tables. Sure. Yeah. It's quite a collection. Sure. By the way, have we already discussed this? We don't need to get too blue, but I didn't know what the sock, I didn't know about the sock method until, I mean, I'm 54 years old. I didn't know about it until like two years ago.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And how are you guys enjoying the process of being, you know, locked onto a show that lasts, I mean, how long is your season to shoot? Four, five, six months? Yeah, four.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's just stunning how people don't enforce that rule commonly on a set because the hours that you work, the cast and the crew, are often many more hours than you spend with your family. So why would you tolerate anything short of a family dynamic on a set?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Well, you guys have been very, very nice to help us celebrate our 200th. I mean, this is a very significant booking. What a thrill.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Played a character, a rich fella that had lost the use of his legs with a weightlifting accident. And he was so wealthy that he hated wheelchairs. He hired a big meathead, a big heavy fella to carry him around like a little baby. That was hilarious. Marty would bark directions at him, you know.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Yeah, shoot me, take me this way. To the nuts! And he'd have to dip him down to grab a handful of nuts. And then they did a flashback of the actual accident where he's lifting up a barbell, he puts it over his head, and he just says, too much! And then his leg snapped.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Where did Mitch... Was that your joke or was it Mitch's? Mitch, the great Mitch Hurwitz.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Oh, my God. The crap he'd come up with. The great Mitch Hurwitz.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I was literally going to tease you. I was going to joke and say, don't you start crying. You're literally crying. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Yeah. I hear you. We're very, very fortunate. I'm with you. I'm with you. We get to meet some real heroes on this show. Hands down.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
You're serious, aren't you? He is deadly serious. He's very soft and chewy on the inside. Yeah, it's true. Thank you, Sean. You guys are incredible and incredibly generous to say yes to doing this today. So thank you. Thank you.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I'm sure it's what you guys enjoy working together all these years. We certainly feel that way.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
If I could turn back time, my masturbation technique would just be so fantastic.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's just so lovely, and I guarantee you that just drilled them right in their heart and probably meant the world to them because I guarantee you they feel at least half of that going back to you. Yeah, and you know what?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
For years. For years. They have been relevant at the top of their game forever.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
As soon as a novelty wears off, you stop enjoying and appreciating how fortunate you are. I still remember, I think I was like, I don't know, 13 or 14 or something, and I'd been going for a couple of years, and one of my buddies at school said, well, what's the most famous person you've ever met?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And I forget what I said, but I remember there was like one person that I thought, well, this would be a great answer. I still remember that like it was yesterday. And I think about it all the time on this show because we are so fortunate to be able to talk to people at the zenith of this business. And I feel, I mean, my pits are sweating right now.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
They sweat every time we record this show because we're talking to someone that I don't feel like I really have a right to have on my show, our show. Like, what am I doing hosting a show that they would be a guest on? It's just bizarre to me.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's really cool how those two guys, we were talking about it, they... That's why they're bopping around together, because they just love being with one another. Just like, you know, we love being together and how this whole thing started.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's fucking crazy, dude. The other cool thing is that while we do hang out with each other away from this, this is... Not 50%, but it's, let's say, 35% of the time we spend with one another. And we share this relationship. Basically, we share 35% of our friendship with the people who are listening. Yeah, I know. That's what I mean. Thank you guys for listening. Yeah, thank you guys.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And thank you for being a part of whatever this three-headed beast is. You see and you live with us forever. 35% of our friendship, which is kind of cool.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's true. I don't try to flip a switch at all, right? We just open up the computer and away we go. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Boy, I wish we had some of those recommendations for byes right now. Right now. Will, are you trying to Google one right now? We went before. We were just going to say a bye. I feel like there's something we could do like in a bicentennial type of thing because it's 200 years. Oh, yeah. It's our bicentennial. Do it. It is our... This is happy... Happy bi... Bicentennial!
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Hey, now Will. That's an old school. Shawnee, what's your mood like today on our 200th? I'm better now, by the way. I feel much better now. You are.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Make sure to get your speech impediment from there. You don't need to put those in just for an hour. Keep them out.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Are they dealing with the wax too? They got to put the wax over the hot spots?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
So is headgear no longer a thing? Is this the new headgear? It can be. I'll still wear it. It's still a thing, yeah. You have headgear as well?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Sean, I don't want to speak for you. No, no, no, you got it. That's right. Is there a harness at all involved in this? But it's fun. It's fun.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's enough because we got fancy guests. Let's go, let's go. So let's tighten it up. It's... You know, I figured since it was the 200th episode and just happened to be... My turn for a guest. I figured, you know, it was 200. We need two guests, right? It's not 100. It's 200. You doubled the power here.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
hey did you guys know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die no is that correct yeah they dilate oh that's incredible you know the last thing to go through a bug's mind before he uh hits your windshield what his welcome to smartless So, Will, you have expressed that you're not in a great mood today. But it is surprising because it is our 200th, so it is cause for celebration.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
What's 100 times two? And it's not just two guests. It is a duo. This is a duo that— Cap'n and Tennille. Well, very close. And it's not Sonny and Cher either, but we're getting closer. And they're so fancy and they're so accomplished. There's so many awards. There's so many credits.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I'd sing you both happy birthday, but it's not a birthday, really. It's just a 200 celebration.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
There's so many things that I didn't even, this is the first guest I've not written an intro for because it just would be too long, longer than this bullshit. So here they come, guys. Steve Martin and Martin Short. Guys, right?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Well, you know, we're not trying to trick anyone into thinking we're smart. We put it right there in the title. You know, we're smart-less. Which makes me think... Oh, I get it.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
But, you know, it struck me with all the brilliant titles you guys have had, have you ever thought about doing Steve Martin Short?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Depending on your seat. But what about these titles? An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Now You See Them, Soon You Won't. The Funniest Show in Town at the Moment. You Won't Believe What They Look Like Today. Yes. And number one is walking. Steve's new book is just for Tracy. That's what they call it. It's two years old. Is it? Why do they say new? You know, Wikipedia is just not what it used to be. Yeah, really.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
That's right. We don't need a bumper sticker or anything. Okay. What about you just tell us what the problem is and then we'll tell you how silly you are.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Uh-huh. Is there a little cuckoo bird that's going to come out at the end?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
So this incredible duo started with the three amigos. Yes? Yes. Is Wikipedia correct on that? Correct.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Mostly correct. Now, were you aware of each other at all beforehand? Who was in a better position career-wise at that point?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Does my beanie and my beard put you in a deeper bad mood than my Sally Jessie Raphael glasses?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Right. But so was that part of the thinking, Steve? Was it, you know, this is a fella that mixed in with what I'm doing and what John would be doing, that it would be a great third element creating a sort of red, blue, green.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Right. We're going to shoot on Bora Bora for, what, a month and a half? I mean, it was the biggest payday I've ever had. It was like the greatest job ever. You were great.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I feel like there's another one. I'll think of it. Jason's funny. Makes me laugh so hard.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You guys, I would work so hard because you just go through a rehearsal with Vince and you just see how facile he is.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And then when they bring in second team to write it, I would run to my trailer and I'd break out a little piece of paper and a pencil and I'd come up with all my alts, all my little things that I'm going to add and sort of, oh yeah, which is like the biggest mistake, you know, like you get it all prepared and all loaded and then you go on to set.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And so now you're trying to shoehorn in some stuff that while I'm practicing my faces in my trailer, it all works great. But then, of course, you know, Vince is just like in the moment like you should be and adding great shit. And then I'm putting in these lines that have nothing to do with what he just – Hey, fellas, what about this? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And so many times I'd get these looks from Vince like, hey, motherfucker, what are you doing? Like you're wrecking it. Just shut up and set me up and move on. Oh, Jesus.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know, I think, weren't we just talking to Kimmel or somebody about, or was it Fallon? When you guest hosted, it was either Kimmel or Fallon. Letterman. Was it Letterman? Oh, dude. And it was, without a doubt, the best week of hosting of any talk show of any year.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Vince, would you ever consider that? I would just like to see you on a nightly basis freestyling. Me too. It's enough already with the acting and going on location. You got a family, Vince. Let's get you a nice studio job where we can enjoy you on a nightly basis.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You get fresh meat every night, Vince, and you can just sit there and just cherry pick and throw bombs.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, but, you know, you take a bunch of months off and you can go do your thing, you know?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
He's at a motel. Bender. Big bender. 30-year bender. 30-year bender. Yeah. Vince, your dramatic work lately is like stunning. My dad just sent me an email the other day saying just how knocked out he was on something he just saw with you doing that you didn't. Are you loving doing more of that as you get older and you're thinking about more mature things or whatever? I don't know. I certainly am.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But I do miss doing comedies. I miss doing – I miss the studio comedy that you've done a ton of. I've done a few of. I'd love to do more. Do you – Do you miss that a bit? Do you have any knowledge or forecast? Is any of that stuff coming back? Do you have any idea why there's so few of them being made nowadays?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Boy, this is bad today. Yeah, it is. Should we just get to our guests? Let's start over. Let's start over. Everyone back to one. Okay. Will, you forgot a couple of buttons at the top of your shirt real quick before we continue. It's real steamy out here right now. Is it? You look like George Hamilton. Period.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I mean, like, are you guys serious? Dude, I want you to be serious with me right now.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But we never assumed anyone was going to listen to it and that it wouldn't be around after COVID. We thought it was going to be three, four months, something like that.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Here we are and we get to talk to our favorite people and it takes an hour a week and we just could not feel more fortunate. I can't believe it's taken us this long to have Vince on.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
right right yeah yeah yeah yeah he did um but you got to stay ahead to surprise people and that's and that's what you're i think uniquely better than anybody i've ever worked with as far as just staying ahead and and and really coming up behind somebody it's it's a it's an incredible gift uh and uh I love you for it. It's incredible. It's really good.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I can't ride roller coasters anymore. I'm too old. My equilibrium gets shot and I'm immediately nauseous.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, what happened? You show up super excited. You're going to get the kids crazy. I'll get all hopped up on show.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, but it's so hot in the summer there. I remember it was boiling when we did that movie there. Why would you go there in the summer?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I was about to, I think maybe with the same group. And then I realized a week before, what's the feeling I'm going to have when I hit the ground? It's going to be that I made it. And I don't want to do stuff that I'm excited that I made it. You know, I have children now.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Guess what? We are serious. Yeah. Oh, I hear what you're saying. We are serious XM. Welcome, listener, to SmartList.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You don't want to start the critical functioning at 4.30. A real brain teaser.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
So what are you doing over there at Manhattan Beach? You like in a volleyball league or anything like that?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I just read that. It was just an anniversary of that. There was some long article on The Ringer that Rawson sent me. It's just awesome to revisit. Yeah, fucking, when you read that out. You sold that fucking, you were so fucking funny in that movie.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I can't wait to see it. Bad Monkey is where? Is on what? That's on Apple. On Apple. Gotcha.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Guys, hold on. I feel this is like an old family member that I haven't seen for how many years, Vince? It's been a while.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Okay, I'm telling... There's... When you work with that guy, like when they bring in the slate, they say, okay, rolling, they come in, they hit the slate, ready, and action. And you look at this guy and you know, like it's a Tommy gun coming at you.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know, you usually take sort of comfort and peace knowing that, okay, we're all dealing with, you know, a mutually agreed upon plan here with the script. You know, like, I know what the next line is going to be. I know what the next action is going to be. With him, it's always up in the air in the greatest way. And you just got to keep your knees bent the whole time.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And you want to enjoy it as an audience member. So you're kind of like half laughing the whole time. But then you can't because you got to stay in character. It's just, it's exhausting in the best, best way. Oh, constantly. Like Tambor level, Jeffrey Tambor level, where you just can't look him square in the eye. Otherwise, you're going to laugh.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know, you've got to kind of stare at a cheek or a nostril or something. Yeah. Oh, God.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But don't you find like, I find like with this, like when, you know, when one of us is tired or when I'll speak for myself, when I'm tired, I just like, well, I just embrace it. I just use it. Well, now I'm just going to be even shittier than I usually am. Yeah. You know, just like, you know, and you just become drier and that becomes your humor for the day. Yes, that's very good.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
By the way, that reminds me of one of the funniest things Vince ever did. We were doing the junket for a couples retreat, and he and I were paired together. And the only way we got through the junket was this game that he played
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
time the journalist would come in he would we we take turns giving each other a word that you had to work into your answer and so like you know constantinople would be like you know and or you know or um you know velcro or something uh and uh he would just fucking kill me because he's just so straight so dry yeah he's the he's that's funny and and then when you did did you guys just crack up
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, exactly. And then, of course, the poor journalist thinks that, you know, we're having, you know, a laugh at his or her expense and they don't know what it is. And it's just dumb, dumb actor crap.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Bye, Carbonate. You can't say it and then double back and frame it up and hit your octave.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Fucking beauty. I was singing your praises the other day. Again, it's usually once a week when I talk about there is no one better at what you do than you, my friend.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I would just like to say a nice normal on our very first episode on Sirius to our incredible... Listening audience, thank you for being with us. Thank you for staying with us. Thank you. And have a great day and a very pleasant and sincere year.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
By the way, is the picture locked? The picture is locked. Let's have your notes.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
well i was just i thought maybe you could try a little harder um what was before what was before swingers how did it how how did you come loaded for bear and i have all of those questions was it i know a little of this but my brain is not not working as well as it used to um so remind me of what i used to know i know there's chicago in there
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, I might need a new computer. Yeah, all my ports and holes are rusty. You might want to get another take on that. Let's put it a different way. After I finish at the computer store, go to the doctor? Or bring your computer to the doctor. So I apologize if I sound like a broken computer today, America.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, they had a Tommy gun that shot cream puffs, right? Was that McNichol? I think it was Christy McNichol. Was McNichol charming in front of the camera with Bale?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I was so in love with Christy McNichol when I was a kid. I remember specifically jogging with my dad one morning in the quiet streets of Woodland Hills, and I started crying. I trailed behind him, and I just started crying because I had a dream about her, and I couldn't believe that it wasn't real. And I just started weeping. It must have been 10 or 11 or 12. So in love with her. And you knew her?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I turned to Will and I said, I think Sean's ruined the podcast now because now we can't disrespect him.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Oh, but it was, it probably came across as an asshole, but I was trying to be sort of humble and not be as presumptuous that they would ever hire me. And I would just, I would say, hey, good luck with this. As I left. It was just such a wrong thing to say, but I was trying. You could take it the other way, where it's like, this is a fucking nightmare. No one's solving this problem.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I worked with Peter once when I was a kid. He was on Little House on the Prairie. He played a little kid who stuttered named Gideon that I befriended. I think we were both like 11 or 12. For Tracy, Peter is the star of A Christmas Story. Yeah, and the director of Couples Retreat. Yep.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know, actually, don't you love it? Isn't the narcissism when you just flare up when someone says, hey, I had a dream about you last night. I stop everything. I go, oh, yeah?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. That was great. Vince, when are we going to go back to Bora Bora and do Couples Retreat 2? Was that a fun location? Oh, God. It was the greatest call I ever got. I think you and Stuber called me and said... Hey, we got a part for you in this film. We've named the character Jason.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
When did you start your incredible collaboration with the Coen brothers? Was that during the run of Roseanne or was it after?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
But I can't imagine, well, yes, I can imagine. I was going to say, did they let you contribute once you got in there and really started working? I mean, that character is so specific, John. I mean, what an incredible job you did with that character. I have to assume that you augmented that dialogue a little bit or no? They're pretty specific, right?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yeah. And did you know Steve and Jeff beforehand? Or was the chemistry just great luck?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Oh, so if I see something on Instagram that I like, I could sort of like send that to you? There's a little thing I can click?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yeah. Do you find that, I'm finding that the older I get, The smarter I get, the smarter we all get, but with the added intelligence or observational skills comes the burden of trying to manage all of the new stuff that you're absorbing and learning.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yeah, it just keeps complicating stuff and making things more dynamic and more fun, but it's more of a challenge, and you've got to keep up.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yes, I think I will. I might not, oh, but you know what I don't do is if you send me a video that when I click on it says, oh, the person whose video this is will know that you are watching it, then I don't click on those. What does that mean? Does that mean the person's a private?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Did it start to feel like maybe you weren't like you weren't doing anything, and then you realized, well, that's because I'm just natural at it and I do know all this stuff. And I've just found sometimes if I'm so comfortable in a character, I can sometimes feel like, oh, I'm just kind of phoning this in, I'm just walking this through.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
And then you feel like, oh, then maybe I should play this scene a little, I should act a little harder, you know? And then it feels like, well, now I'm really working today. But then you might watch playback or just even hear your own voice and be like, no, God, this isn't working. This feels like shit. And then you go back to just doing it normally, and it's like, no, that's great. That's fine.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
I know this stuff. And you just happen to be natural at it. I wonder if that's how, like, athletes feel when they're just playing. They're just in it, you know?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Do you find as you're changing as a person that it changes the kinds of roles that you look to do since what we do is kind of an exercise in personal exploration we happen to get paid for?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
And it's also so helpful to me. Cause I, same goes for me as far as my admiration for you. But it like makes me feel a lot better about all the human feelings I have that are sometimes challenging. It's like, I don't know, you know, It's silly that we all need a reminder that everybody's human, but it's really nice to hear. So thank you for sharing all this.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
No, like when Amanda sends me something and I got to click, I have to say that it's, they're going to see that it's me.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Oh, yeah. I don't know. But this is, listen, this stuff, this is, and it's all here on one of these. You guys have one of these phones? This is with the pictures on the front of it?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
There's going to be a lot of stuff missing from your autobiography because of your inability to recall some of that stuff.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
So would that have been a job that you would have really, really loved, being a part of that cast?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Because I just got rid of the one that closes, you know. It kind of looks like a Pac-Man.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
What was the thing that was distractingly different about him per the style that was around right then?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Right, so the style was much more sort of... That's presentational. Broad, yeah, presentational back before that, right? It was a much bigger thing.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Wait, did the line pop in your head once you stepped onto stage or before you did?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
I was like, no way. No, I know. It's crazy. Did I already bore you guys with the fact that it was the Boston Celtics? Yeah, so she's in sixth grade, and she plays on the boys' team because she's such a badass. It's the first time in the history of the school that a girl's ever played on the boys' team. It's so rad. I know. I just love her. It's so wild, Jason.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
You guys are so good. Again, that just makes us feel incredible that we're even on your radar, let alone, you know. Thank you.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
The gold standard. And maybe the best, most classical name in the history of all names. Yeah. I wonder, what is his middle name? Is it equally classic and American, like a Frank or something like that? John Frank Goodman. Stephen, actually. I think it's Stephen. Yeah, there you go. That works. Is it really? John Stephen Goodman. That was a fantastic get there, Will.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
He is great, and he has been great for his whole career and has stayed employed his whole career.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
And a pretty strong aid handicap, maybe? Yeah. Right? Is he? I'm trying to think. He's a good golfer. He's not to be underestimated.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Just about. You know, I had a long day of work, but this is the highlight of my day. Look at you two. You know? Please don't fuck it up with a shit guest, Arnett. You know what? If this is a terrible— Let's just end it here.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Did you want to sing to him right now? Because Sean and I would love to sign off first, if that's okay. Oh, before I do it? If you're going to be singing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just before you start singing.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Don't lift up your sweatpants for him. So I'm trying to think up a bye. Oh. Let me see if I got one. Are we supposed to... You know what? Here's what I'd like. Okay. Two things. The first one was confirmed or re-suggested by the great Justin Theroux earlier today. We need to have some live... questions from the fans, or at least read a question online.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
I would like also in that same folder some suggestions for buys from our listeners. I'm sure they would come up with these, like, why don't they ever use this word?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
I was almost still just a little bit late today because I may have just had like one of my first sessions, definitely first half dozen. Can't count them on one hand, the amount of times I've gone on Instagram. You guys are familiar with this? Yes, I've heard of this.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yeah. And always associated with good people. He does reference you quite a bit as the bar to jump over.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
So, yeah, so I'm looking, watching a video on it, right? A small, it's a small. Keep going, keep going. Funny stuff is happening. People are falling and hurting themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then my thumb accidentally hits the screen and it disappears, goes up, and there's another one right underneath it. That's right.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
So that you could stay in school and stay a part of the theater department.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
There we go. Hey, guys. So dinner theater is what it sounds like, correct? Yes, it is. You sit there, you're at your tables, and they serve you the whole thing while the play's going on, and the actors are- How dare they make noise?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
It's similar, but then, I don't know, so I did it again, and then I'm like, then it's like some sort of a sports thing, and then someone's selling me something. Anyway, I don't think it's Instamatic or Instantaneous. I think it's Instagram. Instagram. I think is what it is. And you don't usually go on there? Dot com, I suppose. What is it? You don't usually go on there? What is it?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Any other options available to you at that moment, either practically or just sort of emotionally? Like, were you attracted to anything else? Could you have taken a fork in the road and been something else at that moment?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yeah. Why were you getting kicked out of class? Were you just running your mouth and you wanted to perform and get attention?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
So then, John, so then New York, you stuck it out there, and things really started to pick up traction, or was the big break out in Los Angeles or somewhere in between?
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
And in defense of commercials, I do like commercials. Stanley Kubrick said they're the only form of the medium where you can actually acquire perfection because they're just 30 seconds. And they're very intricately made nowadays, especially.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Yeah, I think... So you know what I'm talking about. You've been there. So you really don't... We're not alone. You don't usually go on there, Jason. No, but I get it now. You can sit there and I did what I thought was going to be five minutes and all of a sudden my alarm went off to get to the computer to start this. I was like, oh, fuck, good thing I set an alarm.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
So that no one figures out where Black Rabbit's shooting. So they can't get pictures. Well, now you have to change the name.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Well, we're here on Central Park South with a beautiful second-story view of the park, if second-story is beautiful views. A little rainy. Treetops is nice. A little rainy. And we very rarely have more than one guest. Sometimes we have two.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Is there, there is, and I don't mean to sound cynical with this, but there is a bit of a show element that the other guy seems to really relish in. He loves being and saying things that really attract, you know, some views, some clicks, like, you know, He's a fun show to watch, I'm sure. Like the nicknames.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Now, I know you three are uniquely qualified in keeping things classy and elevated and keeping respect around the office and the job, etc. But is there...
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
So today we're doing a first time. It's a little risky. There's three of them. But it's kind of a band full of rock stars. Bear with us. Yeah. They're like the police. Yeah. So you'll be familiar with one of them. The other two, he wanted to bring along, I guess, his buddies. He gets a little nervous. We've had him on the show before. He wanted to do it again. They're guys he worked with, I guess.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
ever a thought of how one might be able to tack slightly towards the show to sort of combat that a little bit and you're starting to do it just a little bit president biden and i think it's it's really like people are loving you're sort of giving it to them a little bit now i know that's not you know some sort of contrived calculation you're making but i It's a response. Yeah, exactly.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
But is there any thought to, like, it's time to kind of pull the gloves off a little bit, and if they want to show, we'll give it to them.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yeah, we don't really do repeat guests, but we made an exception here, and we certainly don't let people bring buddies, but he was insistent. I'm excited.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I'm sorry, just on that point, President Obama, were you surprised during those five years of the last administration how quickly that protection and passion for democracy was diluted, how prime the country was to just sort of dissolve and get lazy with it and let it go.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Were you surprised that there were 60-some million people that bought it and voted for him and then did it again?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Do you guys have an apparatus, a mechanism whereby you can contact one another like this without anybody connecting? Like a bat phone? It's called a smartphone. Do you have one of these? Yeah, whatever. But could you do that? Great. Okay. Do you guys text each other? Yeah, I mean, like emojis and stuff.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I'll cut somebody off. I mean, one plus one plus one makes ten with you guys.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And the team that you have assembled and your comfort with deferment, you know, you're, I don't know, for me personally, I just, I love leaders that have, the confidence to hire those that they respect, that might make them a little nervous.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Like Ron Klain, you know, bringing us out of COVID. Like, it's just... And on and on and on. The way in which that you've surrounded yourself with the absolute best this country has to offer.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Whereas the other guy is only hiring people that won't talk back, you know? And that's like... Oh, mine talk back. Yeah, love it.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Rob has got amazing... We did limit them each to one word. And Rob doesn't even have a microphone. So it's thank you for your contributions.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Okay. This is unusual, but I think I know who it's from. We have a caller here. Mr. President, I'm assuming he's talking about Mr. President Biden here. You have done so much for this country in the past three short years. You've been the architect of an incredible bipartisan infrastructure deal. Under your leadership, America has been running a white-hot economy.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Inflation has been plummeting and unemployment remains at an all-time historic low. But like so many Americans, I dread the possibility of having to listen to the grating voice of a narcissist man-child on our airwaves for God knows how many more years. He's a bully that can barely manage his own personal... his personal own life. I have a feeling this is about me.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Has the strangest tan... No, that's Will. And he takes golf way more seriously than any adult man should. So, Mr. President, my question is, now that you're sitting directly across from Will Arnett, is there nothing you or Congress can do to get him to shut his big fat mouth? I'll take my question, my answer off the air. That's Justin T. from New York City.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
It seems like they're sort of making it sort of this binary choice between social issues or pocketbook issues. And if you're going to go for the social issues, then you're going to take a hit on the pocket. If you're going to vote for pocketbook issues, you're going to lose all the social issues.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yeah. Right. And it was, wasn't it the Topo Chico? Yeah, the Topo Chico Theater.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I'm kidding. President Biden, if you could resurrect one person from the past to come hang out in the Oval Office, you update them on the current state of things, what's their advice? Who would you bring in to give you some perspective on that?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Fellas, how you doing? How are you? Was getting in okay? Or was there cavity searches?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
All right, guys. Wow. Oh, boy. That was cool. That happened right there. I'm very proud of us for keeping it together, keeping it classy.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yeah. I feel like I'm in good hands, right, when I'm around those guys? Absolutely. Boy. Anyway, that was a real privilege for the three of us. I hope our listeners enjoyed that as much as we did, irrespective of your political affiliation.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And there was just the one pair of socks that you stole from a youngster you were babysitting?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Being able, you know, three knuckleheads like us sitting across from three leaders of the free world is nothing the three of us ever expected we'd be able to do. So thank you guys as listeners for enabling that.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
They're very good at disarming the folks that are sitting across from them.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
You know, it's a fairly high-class guest today. You didn't think you'd go with a full-length sock.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
By the way, I think it was you that explained to me what the Netflix and chill phrase is. I never knew what the hell that meant. It annoyed me quite a bit. But then was it you that told me it's code for having sex? Is that right? Well...
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
That's great. Joe Jobs. Yeah. Joey Jobinstein. Sure, sure, sure. Whatever you want, Joey. Joey Jobs.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
yeah joe jobs is great i love that joe jobs well because what unemployment is at a 50 year low yeah right i think we covered um the economy is at an all-time high it really is meaning inflation is going to work itself out but that's not his fault at all that was something that pre the covid and the whole all that other stuff i'm not smart enough to describe but
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
But what I'm saying is— Whether you're a Republican or Democrat, you need a job, and he's the guy that's bringing it.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
But I'm also living here, and I don't have, you know, President of the United States clothes with me. You know?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And they're half winks, too. God. They're more lid squeezes. That's so gross. So you guys have, do you have important questions loaded? Do you have fun questions loaded? I have a little bit of both. A little bit of both. You've got some policy questions perhaps?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Sure, I want to hear what they have to say. Yeah, I wonder, I'm sure they don't want to get into the micro of policy and stuff like that. They're not, they're, I'm sure they would, they'd like us to find a middle ground between drive time radio and some hard-hitting meet the press conversation.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
But didn't the three of them get together for the last election a bit? Didn't they sort of... You're thinking of the three tenors, I think. Yeah.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
We should just start... Let's start the interview mistaking them for the three tenors. So when do you guys... Have you been in rehearsals long? Because the Radio City show tonight should be getting the acoustics... We're so excited for the sound. What's your warm-up like? Will there be solos, or do you guys just sing all the songs together?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
It's not lost on me. Not to pat ourselves on the back, but just to say briefly... very proud of us that we haven't screwed this up yet and and and that mr biden called us again yes and wanted to do this again wanted to bring his friend like just so so flattered and humbled and yeah that's it's crazy ditto to all of it here we go it's a it's an all uh an all-new super presidential smartless
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Mr. Clinton, have you done any time, Mr. Clinton, in Lake of the Ozarks? Oh, yeah. Right? Because that was just, that's in your neck of the old woods there.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Well, we didn't really spend a lot of time in there. Yeah, we didn't spend a lot of time with the nice part.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
It's not the first time that you three have combined forces to really kind of build do what we all need you guys to do, which is keep you in office. But does it strike you as, like, how is it even necessary to have half a president campaigning against the other guy? It is shocking to me that it takes the amount of effort to be competitive against someone who just...
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
But it seems like they're only watching certain things, reading certain things. Everybody's so siloed in the way in which they receive information. Could it be as simple as you... You've got very smart people to suggest what it is that you do, but could it be as simple as just granting an hour to Sean Hannity and sit down and go, you tell me why this...
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
The people who follow you think I'm not a good president. And just answer his questions. Call his bluff. I mean, because the information, the facts are all there. It's particularly for that group of people. What you do is so much better suited than what the other agenda is talking about. So is it just a matter of just getting on that network? I don't get it.
SmartLess
"Keri Russell"
You make yourself seem bigger. Hey, I'm going to fuck. We got one right here. We got a live one right here. Oh, fuck. Are you crazy? Look at the lats on this guy. Look at the fuck. He's like a bat. I'm staying away. Abort. Abort.
SmartLess
"Keri Russell"
Guys, I can still play young. Hey, it's me, JB. Check it out. I don't even have a puke. Check it out. Oh, my God.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
So you hadn't told your agent about this phone call who would have probably slapped you.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, then it's like a full on. So he tracks you down eight months later in New York. Yeah, and then. He says, come have coffee.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, okay. So you didn't really learn all the specific small-time Cretans that populate the house. No, I did not. Gotcha. We'll be right back.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, just a couple of weeks ago. And then she had me take even a little bit more last weekend and that's what did it. I'm pretty sure that's it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Um, so, but I'm so fascinated that, that John and the rest of the brain trust over there thought that you would be a great choice to take over a show that is a mix between comedy and politics.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
So it necessitates a full understanding of the comedy world, a full understanding of the political world such that you can blend the two together, find the nuance, find the irony and wrap it all up in, you know, a bunch of jokes for a half an hour or more. Um, like I,
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Talk to me about how did they explain to you what their expectations were and how you needn't worry about not even being from here and haven't lived here in a long time. And how did that go?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I'd like to find the person that doesn't get along with Jon Stewart though. I mean, he's like an all time great guy.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And you just take it as face value, like, oh, this is a clown show, you know, as opposed to being somewhat padded with understanding the whole political system and that it's kind of a joke anyway.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Here's something I don't get about the whole phoning in or emailing in a threat, a bomb threat or a death threat. Like – Aren't those the exact kind of threats you don't need to really worry about because who the hell would warn you before they play?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Like, I don't, I'm certainly not belittling it whatsoever, but I'm always like, I can't believe that someone will clear out an entire office building if they get a bomb threat. It's like, well, if they want to put a bomb in there, they're probably just going to do it and not tell you about it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
No, I just, you know, I get that they've got to empty the building for insurance reasons because there's going to be a record that they received the threat.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
through you by now. No, it's still, yeah, I'm fatigued and I can't eat and like, and look how puffy my eyes are too. It's like, whatever this thing is, like I got to stop it and which I'm doing.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
You're a liberal or... Well, and also you're in, I mean, 2015, I mean, you were, the kerosene had been put on the dumpster and it was about to burst into flames. That's exactly it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Oh, man. So that was the majority of your material. And so they're going after the person that's... I mean, think about that.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
i mean i just she did say she got a deal on it um but uh i'm glad you're you're feeling better than you were before uh yes oh yeah yeah i had to cancel a day of work i haven't done that for a long time yeah but you guys are very very sweet you're you're just you know you guys you guys are a couple of the good ones i don't care what they say oh yeah Yeah. And you're incredible at reading ads.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Happy days are here again soon. I promise.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
They were basically exaggerating to make a point, you know? But yeah, when you get face-to-face with it, they get a little bit more real.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Trevor, now, have you since now become... Is following politics a hobby for you now? Do you enjoy it? Now that you're out of there. Yeah, you don't need to be in the swamp anymore.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I think we all did. Right? Well, wait, am I a part of it? Yeah. You want to get to our host?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Okay, great. So, you know, this guy is a media titan. He's incredibly smart, incredibly funny. He is responsible for one of my favorite shows. I was very sort of, not nervous, but this show has gone through a couple of hosts and I was hoping that it would land on somebody else.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
even better and they have um and uh he's got multiple irons on the fire this guy's just he's um cycle high i think is what is what they say you know he's doing tons of stuff and it's all fantastic i'm gonna let him tell you about it but i'm very very excited he said yes to doing this today any guesses i can't I have no idea.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Now, were you a huge music fan before that? You mean, was I human? That's a strange question. Who doesn't like music, Jason? No, but I mean, some people are obsessed with it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Well, maybe a better question would be, has your passion for music increased since you've been behind the curtain?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah. I was a little lightheaded yesterday, but... Two nuts in my mouth really, they fix a lot.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Trevor, what is the phone number that you've gotten from hosting the Grammys all these years that you're most proud of? Which artist? What famous rocker do you now have on your phone?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
He started in stand-up. An additional hint, he hosted a political comedy show on Comedy Central. First name starts with T. Last name starts with N. Trevor Noah.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
It's Trevor Noah. It's Trevor Noah. It's Trevor Noah. I mean... What's going on, everybody?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And what I should have said is, don't worry, I'll never remember this because I know how to pour cement over bad memories.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
All I know how to do is remember dialogue that my brain at an early age was formed into that being a one-trick. I'm a one-trick pony.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
uh yeah yeah still do you remember that yeah you remember wait 27 years do you remember do you remember old dialogue though No, I have a great delete button too so that I have room on my drive for tomorrow. To not remember the other things.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
But I'll go to a movie with somebody and two days later I'll talk to that person and go, you know what I saw a couple days ago? You've got to see this movie. I've done it a dozen times.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I mean, it's terrible, but maybe it's good because I'm with somebody who feels so comfortable. I mean, it blocks out the bad memories, right? Early onset? That could be. It could be just a trace.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, usually I write these things, but this freaking job I've got in New York, it's really cutting into my prep time, so this interview is going to be even worse than the normal ones. Yeah, I was thrown, but then you said the name, then I was like, okay, we're good.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah. Okay. We didn't know you were going to come on. We've only broken on a couple times.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I've never heard that term, gussied up. Gussied up. Yeah, we got some beauties here in this country.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Women have it so tough. Yeah, they do. They gotta like find the gown and then those shoes all night.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I mean, let's start right there. I mean, did you feel the pressure I felt when you were going in there to take over this incredible show?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And America, your new adopted home, generally, what's your take on it? Oh, I love this place. Do you like it? Do you have favorite places?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
We can probably workshop that one a little bit after we're done. I'll need to digest that one. Trevor, you are nine minutes over your obligated time, and I apologize for that. We love you. We thank you.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Thank you. All right. Thank you, sir. Hopefully I see you again soon. Until then, thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. God bless. This is really cool. Yeah, thank you, Trevor. Nice to get to know you.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Have a great rest of the day. Thanks, Trevor. Bye. Bye, buddy. Well, that, you know, listen, I'll tell you what. Our best guest at times.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
But he's super smart. I love talking to him so much. We didn't even get to his podcast on Spotify.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
His podcast on Spotify is called What Now? Okay? What Now? What Now? What Now? What Now? And that's on Spotify. And he's on tour right now, like all over the world. And tickets are on sale through November. So if you're in Singapore, Stockholm, Copenhagen, France, Germany, Rotterdam, Auckland, Melbourne. I mean, the guy is hopping all over.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Because now you've got a better idea for what it is than you did then. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Because it's so important. It's like this great, it's sort of this Trojan horse that's on a network. It's helping all the medicine go down a little bit easier. The medicine that's so vital for all of us to be taking in. Definitely.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Well, listen, I'm really thrilled to be here with you two today. I didn't think I was going to make it. Yeah. What happened?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Did you ever get up there when you were coming up in South Africa? Did you ever get up there and were any of your dates up in that area?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Right. But you were crushing it in stand-up such that you met with John, yes?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Right. That's why people apologize if they may be unaware of if you had some beforehand. I was not aware that you were of your kind. I apologize. My liege.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And was it equally welcoming when you came back and you were now famous? Or were they like, oh, were they sort of circumspect and like, let's see if he changed?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
So tell me about, I imagine when you were doing a bunch of touring, you got used to life on the road and all the bumps and bruises that go along with it. And then you got this incredibly prestigious job. And I'm sure we're making a whole hell of a lot more money than you were before. and getting used to thread count, nice candles and soaps and the lot.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
How has it changed you and made you more soft now and it's tougher going back out on the road? I know you're playing arenas and stadiums and stuff, but is the old Trevor still alive?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
So tell us about the meeting with John and how that whole sort of idea sparked in John and how he approached you and what that conversation was like.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And, you know, I think what it is, God bless my wife. She is more on top of the health stuff than you are even, which I guess is not that high of a bar to leap over considering you mainline meatloaf and everything. Right. But she gave me this, some sort of supplement for longevity, right? It's like a peptide or something or other. New? Huh? New or been taking it? No, no, no.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Don't bore Will. He's got one for him and all four boys. Wait, an underwater moped. Okay.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And a lot of people I know... So that part of it was amazing, and it just... Did you talk? Honestly, I did not. I did a thing at the tribute at the Hollywood Bowl, but...
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Dude, I would have been, first of all, all the clothing I was wearing would have to be thrown out. My pants would be filled with defecate. Sean, one time, what was the thing, Sean, you said at the Grove, you and Scotty parked on P4 and you ended up taking the stairs all the way down, right? Because the elevator's broken, what we're saying? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that was my scariest moment.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
last time i did i saw one of the i saw one of the great speeches last night that down no no danny wasn't there one of the great speeches i've ever seen as a sort of that was set up as a non-roast and ended up being a roast and it really blew me away so hilarious um wait roasted jimmy after he's passed
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, but as a tribute to him, an old friend of his, a guy who's been friends with him for sort of 50, 60 years, and it was just, it was so good. And our friend Tom Freston, who's a friend of the podcast, made a great speech. You haven't had him on yet. No, I'm going to. He's the most interesting man on the planet. Can't make his deal.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Wait, Jared, you know that I know Shannon Little. We have mutual friends. I know Shannon Little.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I get it. You're hungry. Sorry. So... So... So... But what I wanted to know about was when you say... It's interesting when you say, like, you don't want to disappoint anybody or you don't want to let anybody down. And when you're on... tour and you're on stage, is that your brother? Is that Shannon? When you're working on a film, is that all the people around you? Is that the people at home?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Well, we're looking to... Because he wants a piece, and he's just like, and he said, send me over the numbers. I want to look and see. Wait, who's Tom Freston? I met Tom Freston.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Is that an idea, sort of a general idea of letting people down? Like, is that something you've always had?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Dude, his stories are... He's just the best. Well, we'll see if you can book him. I think he's writing a book right now, which will be... Anyway, yeah, it was just, it was so, so, so, so good. But the reason I brought it up was this. At this thing, midsummer, and so many people, and now this many people come up to me and they go, either, wow, you're really tan, or why are you so tan, right?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
share things and you know it's beautiful to share well can I can I say this that maybe this will prime you a little bit so I I've been joking recently that I know I've been saying to people for a guy who's a loud mouth know-it-all me I know embarrassingly little about art and it's been like this blind spot that I've had my whole life and I and I kind of started to own it recently.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And from the moment I started saying that, I've started meeting all these artists, painters. I've met three new painters in the last 24 hours alone who have revealed to me, oh, I'm a painter. And so I've been reading this book about the cooning I'm boring these guys about, but I'm reading this book about... It's kind of like now, because I've been putting it out there, it's been coming.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And I said to Alessandra, my partner, this morning, we rode our bikes down to the beach. I'm out here in Long Island. I rode my bike down to the beach and I said... I can't believe I'm saying this. I think I'm going to start painting. Yeah, I get it. I love that. And I'm embarrassed because I feel like a fucking cliche. And I'm like, I don't give a shit.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I fucking feel it. And I don't know anything. I really don't. I'm a fucking novice of novices. But I feel really connected to it. That's awesome.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And people can't help themselves but make a personal remark. And you know what I do? You know what I say? And I go, they'll go, wow, you're so tan. And I'll go, thank you so much. Right. Right. And I just take it as a compliment.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
But by the way, Sean, you got accused. Didn't you have hundreds of photos of these guys? No, he said skies. Skies. He said, skies.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, we would just burn immediately. JB, you hold quite a bit of color too. Let's be honest. When you play golf, you're pretty tan. But I don't say to you every day, man, you're so tan.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, because you're a movie star and you're in a rock band. It doesn't seem like a perfect spot for an introvert to live. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Le Grand Bleu, c'est incroyable. C'est le web, one cigarette. Well, I take one, no, I see my mistress, I have a coffee, two point cigarettes, I don't know. Et puis, c'est ça, coucou.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Every French person, Sean, every French person that come in the room is sort of like saying hi and they'll go, cuckoo. Why is that? I had this woman who I worked with and I was living in the south of France and I could hear her from there and go, cuckoo. Why cuckoo?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Or when you choke yourself out, how long you can stay before... When I get my belt around the top of the door, Jim... when I'm trying to just, when I'm trying to squeeze one out.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I'm going to say three and a half minutes, Jared. That's my, Jason said three. I'm going to say four. I'll say four.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, I know. First of all, are people okay with their bones with you describing your V-neck dad butt? But you know what it is? I spend a lot of time, like, you know me. You guys, I'm not like out in the Caribbean. Actually, I was last month. I'm at the pool. I'm in the pool with the kids. I was in the Caribbean a month ago. So that's part of it. And we got it. Sean, go for Sean.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Jared, why don't you just like take up reading, man, or something? Why are you jumping off cliffs or swimming in the cliffs?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, I should note that I don't think I've been wonderfully sober. I think I've had a few missteps over the years, definitely. For me, it's been a process. No, of course it's okay. It's been a process for me, or as we say in Canada, a process. Sure. But we... But you get to know yourself a little bit better, and I do find those things.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
It's a combination of what Jared said and what Jason said, which for me is about being present and being okay with being present and trying to accept where I am. It's all about powerlessness and all that sort of stuff and realizing it and realizing where you are and where you sit in the world. I don't know about you guys. I've thought a lot.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And not to a crazy degree, but I've been thinking a lot more about my mortality the last few years. We're on the back side. Yeah, and I think about, I was saying last night, Jared, you might have heard me waxing on about this memorial I went to. And I was like thinking about we all are here for this one visit. We're not making another trip. We got five minutes left. We're on this.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And so it better be good. And we better be happy. And we're all just trying to figure out how to get through it the best way.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I like that. It puts it in context that we can kind of understand a little bit better, maybe, too.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
He's so good, JB. And you're so right. And that is one of those things that the great actors all kind of share, which is they don't talk about their process in that way.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Just enjoy it. Yeah, they're not looking for, they're like, let the performance speak for itself. And then I'll talk to you about my life and stuff, but I'm not going to kind of walk you through so that you're impressed with my process.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Right. Yeah. Well, he's good. It's decided he's really good at what he does. Yeah. And by the way, what he does, and then he has this, and it's so, it's odd.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
That works so hard. He works harder than you. Obviously, Sean right now working on a buy. No, I was going to say.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Bye. I can see you. Sorry. Bye. Smart. Less. Smart. Less. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarv, Bennett Barbico, Thank you.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Just try to get a word in. If I can say anything about podcasts, this is the first time any of us had done one. We started it four years ago and we have not got any better.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Let me just say this. Okay. Nothing is more insulting to me, virtually nothing, than suggesting that it's a spray tan. Go F yourself. I earned this. Oh.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
No, it's kind of amazing. Jared, how old are you? Are you over 50? 52. That's what I'm saying. Shut the fuck up. You look great. Yeah. You guys look great.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah. I mean, honestly, you could play, and I mean this, and I love everybody here, including you, Jerry, because now you're with us. You could play Jason's son.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Wait, Jared, I don't know if you guys saw it. Did you start, did you announce your tour? Did I see this? Did you climb the Empire State Building or some shit? Yeah, I saw that. What the fuck is that?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Kind of wrapped around my chair. Mine's pretty much... You know... You know what I've been doing lately, and this is a true story. We went to this big... I know this is going to air later, but we had a beautiful event last night. For Jimmy Buffett? For my friend Jimmy Buffett. I was going to ask you about that. It was awesome, and it was really beautiful, and some great speeches and stuff.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah. Jared, do you know that every night, and this is true, Jason, you'll attest to this, every single night you get roped up, right? You don't smoke it. I guess you chew it. But you get a head full of rope every night. Wait a second. So, Jared, I've seen a lot of those. I loved all those, like Free Solo and the other one about...
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
The guys who climbed in Tibet, all those amazing Sherpas, you know that story, they climbed all those peaks. What was that one? They climbed like the seven peaks, was it? Yeah, it was called something like that. Yes, but sort of the one consistent thing about all of them was that they just had this...
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
That thing that I don't think most people have, which I guess you have, which is that sort of they're missing that thing of having fear that most of us have, which that I have. You know, I start to get weak. My knees get weak when I climb a ladder that's above 10 feet. You know what I mean? I'm like, fuck, man. If I fall, I'm going to die. Right.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
So my question is for you is because all those people seem to have it and you have it, Did you always have that or did you kind of, did it just over time develop?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Now, when you go over to something like American Hustle or Arrival, is that it must be nice where you don't have to wait around for a bunch of stunt stuff and effect stuff and you're doing much more sort of... Well, it's a different kind of acting on those films. Yeah. Did you love that transition?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And the pace of that, though, is much faster, right? That's enjoyable that there's momentum, yeah? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And now back to the show. How were you able to struggle through the really – outrageously poor direction from a guy like Ben Affleck. How did you get through the town? It's just a miracle, the results that end up on the screen on his films. Was it, well, just walk us through it.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Oh, sorry. I'm not great with math. Evidently. So I'm very excited. I'm doing a home game today, recording from Los Angeles for the first time in a while. It feels nice. I've got a microphone on a stand now, you know, instead of a... It's just I'm not comfortable with the New York setup.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, that's a good point. Was music something that was sort of pulling at you as well? Did you have to sort of make a decision with yourself whether you were going to, you know, kind of put all your weight behind one or the other?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
We could have waited for him to answer the first part. I guess to answer that is like – Yeah, no, don't start at the end like Sean's asking you to. Let's go at the beginning. Let's help Tracy out in Wisconsin and tell her what you were doing and what happened and action.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well, you know what? We're about a minute from that. I know. I know. Well, guys, before I get into my guest here, I heard something recently, a description of a podcast that we'll never be lucky enough to have a description like this, I think. It's a show about people with more balls than a bowling alley.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Something you did completely on your own. I mean, obviously the help of all the medical staff.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Right, but you had spent so much time being somewhat... I don't know if I'm using this word correctly, but somewhat objectified, you know, which is kind of baked into the cake. It's what we do. We all have public jobs, and there's certainly nothing to be resentful about with that. But at your level, I'm sure you just...
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
saturated with you being sort of, uh, approached and acknowledged as, as, as an object. Um, and, and, and that there's a bit of an ownership from the audience because of that. And, and basically I can understand that, but this was a different kind of acknowledgement. It was, you know, we're, we're actually people. We're not looking at Jeremy as a, as a commodity.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
We're looking at him as a human being and we could have died just like he almost died. All
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Like, you know what I mean? Well, but hang on, Sean, what if we put like a stir fry thing right at the top of it?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I could make it. Yeah, you would. Jeremy you told me something at that dinner and I hope you're comfortable relaying it on this it was a story about you know to sort of make it sort of the stupid description of it of basically seeing the light and and how there is a there is an absolute
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
similarity, if not identical type of experience that is repeated around the world from people that get this close to death. And the way you related to me was in a way that was so sort of
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
um encouraging about possibly what that moment is to the point where i think i don't want to put words in your mouth but it sounded like you no longer have as much a fear of death as you did before and after hearing that story i too share i'm not looking forward to that moment but i'm not as fearful of it as i once was so to the extent you're comfortable please um
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
The Johnny Knoxville host with Elna Baker. From This American Life. From This American Life. It's about these people that do things that have far more courage than the three of us put together would ever even dream of having. Well, thanks a lot.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Will, were you trying to sell Sean something out of the back of your van at that moment?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Jeremy, in all seriousness, you know, that is, thank you for sharing that.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Because that reminded me of some of the specifics of what you were saying there. And it is, you know, I don't know if encouraging is the right word, but it does confirm for me some of the things I hope
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Exactly. Yeah, you're not going to learn a whole lot here, but we hide it right there in the title.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well, so the pain is overwhelming, but the brain then has – it shuts that down. But it is also still working and has an opportunity to experience the other stuff that you're going through, which it sounds like this was the big thing that it chose to deal with, which was this opportunity to transition to whatever – happens after the body stops working anymore.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And you're sort of experiencing what that moment is. And do you remember having a decision to make? Were you in control of whether you were going to go forward or return back?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
All right, huge apologies to our guests. This has been much too long here for the Regis and Kathy Lee chatter. Here comes our guest. Sadly, even though I'm in Los Angeles, I still have not written an intro. Mostly, though, because I just love this guy. I don't need to write an intro for him. I know him. He's a buddy of mine.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I think he's a buddy of both of yours as well, but I'm closer with him, okay?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
we'll see i'm uh i'm a big big fan of his work he's an enormous movie star global um but you know and even just bigger uh all-time great guy uh he's got he's got some interesting things to tell us uh i i know you're gonna love this hour everybody ladies and gentlemen it's hollywood's jeremy renner jeremy come on out there he is look at Hollywood's Jeremy Renner. What's going on?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, you make me think about what an incredible opportunity everybody has to plug into that network of communication. connectivity where it is available to all of us and it is labeled different things at different times. Sometimes it's love, sometimes it's religion, sometimes it's collaboration, whatever you want to call it, but we're all here and we all kind of come from the same thing.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And that whole sort of one plus one makes three equation is again, it's available to us all. And sometimes I have days where I've got the courage to plug into it and leave myself open to the input from other people. And some days I don't, you know, and the days that I do have that courage and that openness and that vulnerability and that that humanity sort of draw those days are great for me.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And things, you just feel like you're in a slot and shit just happens. You get the parking spot in front of the building you're going to. You make the green light. It's so true. All of that silly stuff, but I don't think that's coincidence. I think it's, those are the days when you're really open to this community.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
This guy's a major movie star. You guys better tighten it up. Look at that. What's happening?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
connectivity to something yes and and it's something beautiful yeah and you've and you've had that experience firsthand and you have very very generously shared that with with not only us but but but the people listening and if they're like me they they they will hold on to it forever because you know our mortality is something that
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
We can kind of compartmentalize for a while, but if you're on the second half like us guys are, it starts to become a little bit more a part of your thinking day to day. And you've given me a lot more comfort for what the inevitable is. And I really, really appreciate that.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
That's really funny. Jeremy, thank you so, so much for your time today and your level of... Of transparency with what your experience has been. It's been a real gift. So thank you, buddy. Yeah, man. I love you guys, man. Appreciate the time. Love you too, Jeremy.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well done, man. Fucking killer. Thanks, pal. Hope I see you soon, pal. Yes, sir. Thanks, Jeremy. Have a good day. See you, man.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well, I hope... Enlightening. Yeah, I hope that story, I mean, the whole interview was really enjoyable. But man, I just can't tell you how I have held on to that, what he told me at dinner. And I'm so appreciative that he shared it with all of us today. Because if you're like me, it's kind of, it's just sort of a nice thing to have in your back, you're in your pocket that... It might not.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
If you see that train coming. Well, I mean, it's going to happen to all of us. Everything that's born lives to, or what is it? Everything that lives was born to die. Something like that. I think it's a Pink Floyd line, but we're all going. And what is that moment like? I hope it's not terrible. I hope it's not sad. I hope it's not painful. It sounds like it's not.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I had to reboot my computer right before we started. All my questions are gone, but that's okay. Oh, I can start.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
There's no nutritional value at all to my body. And your body goes into a shock. No jokes on me.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I'm sorry to learn that my life comes to an end with Sean taking a big bye out of me.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well, yeah, you're busy. Mayor of Kingstown's out now, right? It started June 2nd, I think. Yes? It's coming out June 2nd, yeah. Well, when this airs, it'll be out. So unbelievable start to the season there, Jeremy.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Hey, Cool Dad, you got the long-sleeve shirt on underneath the short-sleeve shirt today.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
You know, our buddy Sam Jones did a great documentary on Wilco called... Trying to Break Your Heart. Trying to Break Your Heart, yeah. And the cameras were with Wilco while they were making Yankee Hotel Foxtrot or Foxtrot Hotel, whatever it is. And the label dropping them because it was too challenging to listen to. And then they went to a different label or made their own. I can't remember.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
But then it ends up winning the Grammy for best album of the year, I think. And, like, I couldn't believe that cameras were there for that whole thing. It sounds like this is something similar.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, but, I mean, building off of that, Jeremy, I mean... Buddy, watching your career just explode right out of the gate, and it has not stopped yet. I mean, you know.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Who's this motherfucker who's taking all of our chops? He's just crushing.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Why don't you wear your short-sleeve golf shirt and just put a sweater over the top of it? Instead of doing the cool dad thing.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
So Hurt Locker happens, you get the Academy Award nomination, and is there then a waterfall of really great options for you that become somewhat problematic because you can't do them all? How do you go about picking through all the great stuff you're looking at then after that?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah. They're here at the house. Oh, great. Love her. Did she buy you anything? She did. Driving gloves for the golf cart?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah. I don't have the energy to do it now. Right. But the schedule of those huge, huge films with a lot of stunts and special effects, the budget on those allows for a much slower movement, pacing as far as knocking down pages each day. Was that a big transition for you coming from even – I would imagine the Hurt Locker was something that was not as highly budgeted as these things.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
What is that like, that snail's pace? Because sometimes on those stunt films like Mission Impossible, the degree of difficulty is just astronomical and the stunt complexity and stuff where you're only shooting like – You know, what the audience sees is maybe 10 seconds. It might take you a week to shoot that. Or three weeks. Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And you have to treat it such. What was your favorite way in which to get in shape? Were you into the boxing? Were you into cardio? Were you into just cross-training? I'm sure it's been a bunch of things. You've been in shape for a long time. Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah. And we will be right back. I love the station, but I never knew what ESPN stood for, and I've figured it out a few times, and I've still forgotten it. What does ESPN stand for?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Oh. Probably this guy. For real? Well, yeah. I mean, the part I'm playing, I mean, that's why I grew out this dumbass beard and long hair is because I'm playing a guy that is, you know, he's got a drug history and he makes a lot of bad decisions. They usually get cast as like some smart middle-aged white dick, you know? Yeah. Anyway.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
What's your pill of choice, Mike? That's where Sean wants you to take this. He wants to make some news here.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
But even the broadcasts have specific cameras set up and screens set up in the end zone for them all to gather and do basically their selfie. So that was a COVID thing. That was a COVID thing because there were no fans.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, you talk about performance, you talk about soccer, right, Will? I mean, the flopping is just like, it keeps me away from watching it a lot.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
What's going on? Have you guys had the dumb, dumb, busy day like me? I mean, today it's just like it kept coming.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Like the Formula One show on Netflix. That got a bunch of folks into Formula One.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Which one was sick? Can you see? Oh, yeah. It's still a little... One's dilated? Yeah. Two are dilated. So did Scotty have to drive you today?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
And it brings people together that don't know each other. Well, that's it. That's the last thing we have.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, both of you check out when sports are on. And I love nothing more than primetime sports. When you put on a game that's on at night, it's like watching This Old House on PBS on a Sunday afternoon. Oh, Sean. We're having a good conversation here.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
What did we say was? You had to be agnostic as you went into your profession?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Continental. You strike me as a fella that would have great chemistry with anyone because you're such a kind guy. But I'll bet Chris Collinsworth doesn't make it difficult. He seems like just about the best guy in the world. I've talked to him a couple of times, but not longer than when I'm talking with you. But still, he seems just incredible. Is he as nice a guy as he seems to work with?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Here we go. Because you're going to hate it so much. You've already got on the baggy neck. He's got the Crocs on. He's got white Crocs on, guys, with the heel strap. Wow.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, no, you guys nail it because that's exactly the feeling that I get when I sit down to watch the game with you guys is that it just feels like you're right there in the cozy, you know, on the couch right there with us.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Now, what did, was there, was there an obstacle? Everybody's got a nice obstacle at the very start that they kind of decide they're either going to push through or they're going to hit fuck it and try something else. Was there, was there something that, that, that almost derailed the great Mike Tirico?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
So you've got an indoor outfit on today like me. Or have you been outside? Did anybody see that today?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, I mean, he was just incredibly gifted. But what has been almost totally forgotten is... is how rare it was for a black athlete to be doing this in what was traditionally a white world. It was just, I mean, there was Calvin Pete, for sure. There was... Charlie Sifford, Lee Elder. Yeah, exactly.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
In hundreds of years, like one of the oldest sports ever, games ever, there were just a handful that you could look to.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
And the ratings too. If those guys make the cut, I'm sure your weekend ratings, it's a huge difference.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, but meanwhile, which I'm sure that they'd all be very proud of, they have exposed a ton of people that wouldn't otherwise have been exposed to the game. And once they're gone, those people are now already into the game and they're gonna watch the next athletes that come through. So they're broadening the appeal of the sport. I mean, what Jordan did for basketball globally
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No, I don't think I said that because that's the line we've always heard. I think I just said... Confident?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
To the point where we don't even think about that anymore. Right? It's like a forgotten fact. Well, I don't think it still exists. No, but I mean, it's become... I don't know how to put this, but it was such an anomaly back then. And now there are so many incredible, there's been such an expansion to the sport now.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, look at you. Otherwise, Will would have never gone there. My nickname is Big Boy.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Which is just so shitty. It's so good. It's dumb. But wait, how did, sorry, sorry, guest, we're going to get right to you because you're even busier than all three of us combined. How did the White Crocs find their way into your closet?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Now, are you as excited for the Olympics as I am? I'll bet you are much more because you know much more about it than I do. But just the little that I've read about it, it sounds like Paris is going to do something with this that we've never seen before. Like, I think the whole, what, the opening ceremony takes place on the Seine. on the river.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
The events are taking place at all of the incredible monuments there, like volleyballs underneath the Eiffel Tower. And surfing is in Tahiti. Because it's a French... Long live French Polynesia, man.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
But, I mean, it's got to be. You guys are just probably trying to figure out how do we cover all the things we want to cover, right? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, you're speaking my language. Yeah, I don't remember that. Kidding. You look terrible, though, Sean, for 25.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Don't give me your number, Mike. Don't give me your number. Let's free tickets.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
It is. Now, when you do the Olympics, you end up doing a lot of interviews, too, as well as calling events. Do you have a preference, or do you like them both equally?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
If you could have anybody on that couch, it doesn't need to be an Olympic couch, but talking to any athlete, alive or dead, that you haven't interviewed, do you ever think about one that you'd love to sit across from and ask some questions to?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah. Or maybe one you'd like to interview again that you forgot to ask certain questions to.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Or that no one else would be a pitcher and a hitter until Shohei Ohtani. Ohtani, right? Exactly, right?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, talk about a community game in those days. It really was. It was a team for your little area around there. Can I ask you guys a France question? Mm-hmm. Has anybody been to Normandy? No. I have not. I would like to. I have not. And Will, I know Will would love to. He's a real student of history.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Just the geography, that bluff, what they were up against, just the, you know.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Thank you for an hour of your professional time, your personal time. Very, very nice to do this. Hall of Famer, Mike Tirico.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, you keep delivering these stories. All right. Thank you, buddy. We'll see you on the TV soon. For sure. Thanks, guys. Bye, pal. Thank you. See you, Mike. Bye.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, he's a professional on-air fellow. He's on air on television. I tell you what, you know, people say, what kind of superhero power would you like? Well, I'd like to fly. What kind of job would you like? If I could pick one job, I think I'd... I'd take his job. You love that.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Why don't you just enjoy what you got? You're right. That's a good note. Sorry.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Tell me about it. You get to go to like every single great event in the best seat possible. And then you get to talk to the people who won right afterwards. Yeah. That is pretty cool. It's pretty cool.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
And he does, you know, for any of you out there that are still listening to this episode that are not sports fans, which I hope there are still many... Hopefully you agree that this guy, the reason you kind of like him is because you might watch a sporting event that you don't really like or know how the sport's played, but he's kind of explaining it to you.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
It's a familiar, cozy kind of voice and presence that I guess is a talent. That's kind of where I was going with that.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah. Oh, no, he's the NFL... You can always sniff it out because whoever's going to do it teased themselves up. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, he said, how about you sign this for your crock of shit performance? Is that what he said?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Oh, boy. Listeners, can you just call Sean real quick for us? Oh, a meet and beat. Okay, I did the math. Okay, guys, do you like football? Hey, Willie, Sean, do you like football? Yeah, I actually really do. Do you like golf? Do you like horse racing? Do you like car racing? Do you like basketball? Do you like the Olympics?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Our guest today is the guy that's been holding your hand for about 35 years through some of the most exciting live television and personal excellence ever. He is as casual and comforting as he is knowledgeable and anxiety-inducing. He's your favorite house guest, but he's got no idea where you live, guys. He knows all the things about sports, but is not an athlete.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
He is as familiar as a family member, but you don't know a thing about him until now. Will, Sean, listeners, please welcome the star of the highest-rated television show 13 years running and the host of the upcoming Summer Olympics in Paris, the one and only Mr. Mike Tirico.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Now, when do you squeak in the time to listen to anything? Like on planes, I'll bet.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, listen, there's a little something for everybody on this dumb show. You, however, are right up my alley, mister. So let's just get into it, Mike. Let's start from the beginning. Let's start from the very beginning. Can we? So your dad's driving your mom to the hospital.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
right she's in she's um all right so uh let's let's let's uh well where did it where did it were you an athlete are you an athlete i worked that into the intro there because it kind of rolled nice but i'll bet you're a bit of an athlete right no no no you you were right so in my family we have two kids my wife played basketball at syracuse so uh you went to syracuse that's where you guys met
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
How bad a golfer are you? Let me guess. I'm a 15. I was going to put you at a 10.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, I'm obsessive. But now that I'm working, I put them down for nine months. I won't even touch my clubs. So when you go back, will you be good? I will be terrible and I will stay out of the money games because I'll still be stuck with my old index.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
So guys, welcome. It's time for another session of Smart List Cold Open. And who would like to begin? Anybody want to begin? Willie's in hysterics over a joke that Sean just told that America, you cannot hear. Because if you did, you'd never like Sean Hayes again.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, it's just about moderation, my friend. Yeah, I'm not good at five. I need a ten or a zero. That's my problem.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
He's up at the gorge. These are... These are frames. They look good. I like those frames. These are frames that like you would see on Plastic Man if you're as old as I am. Yeah, for sure. They're kind of like tragically hip now that my wife made me get. I just keep them at the house. I wore them today and they're transition lenses, so they get that little smoky kind of half tint.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, it's true, but then that means I've got to be kind of indifferent as to how I'm playing, and I've got to care, you know? I mean... You know what I'm talking about. You don't call... See, the way I'm going to bring it right back to you. You don't phone in your work there.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
You make it seem very casual, but it takes a tremendous amount of preparation, I would imagine, especially just in switching sports, but then having to know all the specific players and the relevance of that game per the rivalries between those teams and where it sits in the season and all of that stuff is just like... Talk to us about your preparation, about your team.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, who deserves the accolades for that? Was it Rune Arledge back in the day? Yes.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I sat at the top of that ski jump in Austria once. You know, there's a big graveyard at the bottom of it. It's like that's all you can see from the top of that ski jump is just this massive graveyard. Anyway, go ahead.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
It's my favorite part of the Olympics because these are people that are not making money in sports yet. They have to be an amateur to be... Well, that's kind of changed a little bit. Yes, yeah, in some sports.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
But for the most part, it is... You are tuning in to see these very sort of... The people that you live next door to that are having these two minutes, this opportunity for personal excellence that they have been training for months for 10, 15 years, and are they going to be overwhelmed by the moment, by the media, by the stress, or are they going to soar to new heights because they're charged up?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
And I just met them with this five-minute piece that started way back then, and I think was Rune Auge's idea, right? Like, get to know the athlete, and then as soon as you're done with that story, you cut right to them on the starting line.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, you had Sean at Bite Size, by the way. I'm in. I just showed up. You started, even at the opening ceremonies, you guys started by sort of just like dropping little breadcrumbs on certain numbers.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
And so the problem is like I'm keeping them at home so no one sees them, but I've been on Zooms all day. And so Will's just reminding me that I've looked like a freaking douchebag all day. No, you don't.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
A little bit. You just drove down the street to Bristol and just like circled the building a couple of times, right?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Well, what about your bandmates? Are they understanding of that position or are they saying, fucking come on?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
That's not a man to say. Apropos of nothing, Shawnee, I was sent a picture from... Someone, you and Eric Idle in a picture together, it looked like it might have been a bowling alley. That was a roller rink. Okay, so I was close. That was just yesterday. Pretty close. And that was just sort of just like a date you guys had, like maybe meet me at the roller skating rink.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
This is the family member that you just stop inviting, you know? No, we're not having Thanksgiving this year, Sean. Sorry.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But his voice, she was probably talking about, he did a whole different voice for this character. I remember Will and I kind of, Will, did we look at each other? When he came out, I think we've told this story.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
What are we going to say to him backstage? And like 30 seconds past that point, it's like, Oh, no, we're in good hands. He's pulling this off. And it was a big, it was a different voice, a whole gate and everything. Anyway, go ahead.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
What was your feeling about that as you were starting to learn about acting and quote-unquote study it? Because I'm always sort of a little pessimistic about if it's something we can learn to do. I think it's all something we all know how to do. It's just freeing yourself up. But did you think it was like, oh, this is a real craft, a real art form that I'm enjoying? Or were you like...
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Oh, this is just learning how to be full of shit. I mean, both are valid, both are true, but there's just different perspectives on what it is and where did it find itself on you?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
That's so sweet. It must have been nerve-wracking, though. Yeah, I'll bet it was nerve-wracking. But did you find some sort of encouragement and inspiration that you weren't the first of, like, Sting and David Bowie? They did some great performances.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But what were your expectations? You weren't possibly looking to match your level of success with acting that you had.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Well, is it sitting there sort of in second position? Second position. As you start to see, like, let's see how the voice does. And if the voice is not to your standards, maybe we can look forward to seeing more acting from you?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
And how do you or any of those people you just mentioned avoid the intoxication and complete transitioning into... well, I'm God, and it's never going to be anything different, and you end up buying the ego that you, in retrospect, should have been renting. But how do you avoid that big pitfall of it's never going to be any less than this?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Because you're in a 360 of idolization that has got to be impossible to not jump into.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Yeah, we're married 35 years already. Bono went through the same thing, right? With his work. It's just incredible.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
What does a roller skating accident have to do with blood thinners? Because if you hit your head or something, you could bleed out and die. Way to think about the worst case scenario.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
That's true. But John, what was bringing on the beating yourself up just that you weren't having access to do your stuff?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. John, the frustration of not being able to, you know, perform and go out there and do, you know, throw your fastball was probably at the same time that you were probably more loaded with quality ideas and inspiration for stuff to write. Just because I just find the older we get, the smarter we get, the better we are at everything. And so...
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Well, no, Will, I want to go first. So she was just sort of half on her. She just kept an eye on part of it.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Oh, Jesus God. It's just, it's a nice little... Well, she had two. One of them was wooden. One of them was made of wood. No, it wasn't wooden. It was glass.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Hey, on the music industry business, because our industry is going through a bit of a transition now. Your business started much earlier with the transition. How do you feel that the industry is doing and adapting? Are you a fan of the current state of things?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But it's obligating you guys to go out and do a bunch of touring in order to make a bunch of money, and that's got to be exhausting.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
It's kind of on brand. You know, now they've got at these rinks, you know, like an old man, old woman walker that can help you ice skate or roller skate. They didn't have that in my day. Yes, I see that. The kids had that. Yeah. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Or you could do a commercial and you could expect $30,000 by the time it's done its run. Like now it's all non-union.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I will tell you, though, I'm in the middle of casting something right now, and none of none of these casting sessions are in person they're all on zoom yeah and i am so jealous that the that the actors are not stuck in what was always for me the most stressful thing i could ever do yeah walking was waiting in the in the lobby hearing the actor before me doing it killing
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
them being late, me going over my sides and over my sides and then going in, having to do the bullshit talking with them and now I'm sweating and I'm having to be, and then I gotta switch into acting gear and then I gotta do, then they get, like, it was so nerve wracking. The fact that they get to do it on Zoom now. I understand. To me, it's much less stressful.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
And knowing whether they're going to be a problem on set. Do they have, are they nice people?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Is it my imagination or is the third song always one that kicks your ass? The single.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You kind of start slow and then you nail them. And then, yeah. And then there's a balance. Living on a Prayer was the third track. Was it really?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Stay tuned for Smartless Extras, where you can enjoy some of Sean's... What's that?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Bring my car up, boy. He was really nice. Whose guest is it today? It's my guest. And how do you feel about your choice today, Will?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
So fucking easy. They don't make them like that anymore. You know, I mean, the great Jon Bon Jovi just sounds like a little like we need a better word than great.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Right. And who's doing it? What they did, who's doing that today? There isn't a size of a band today like that. It's all sort of like been diluted a bit.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Oh, it's triple A list. Look, I mean, it is triple. No one sings higher. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
That was you guys. Hi. We just had a little connection problem with Will. It sounded like you were Hal from 2001. Yeah. I'm glad you got it all worked out. I know. Me too. Was there a ghost in the machine? I guess so.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Now, listener, we have Jon Bon Jovi from the White House. You look like you're in the kind of place I would love to live. You're doing well, clearly, right?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Well, look at me. I'm doing a hostage video here. I need to up my situation. But no, and I see a Patriots jersey. Are you a Patriots fan? Oh, yeah, look it. I see the background in my office.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Now, oh, my God, they write the short-sleeved. Why did he wear a short-sleeved hoodie?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
And just has an odd, he's got sweaty forearms. And I've never met anyone with that. Maybe Thoreau came over and gave him the snip. It might be.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Wasn't that a band? That was an album the police did. It was by the police. Very good album. By the way, the police. Yeah. You know, I used to listen to them all the time, and we don't hear about them in, you know... Well, because Sting went off on his own. I know, but it's just a good memory.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
So you started singing so young. Was singing uncool at that age? Because when I was a little kid, I always just thought singing was not cool because I was so young. What was it like at your age when you did it?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I was going to say more about ballads probably in my head as opposed to a rock and roll stage.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Right. So does it start to leave just like, you know, Tom Brady ain't throwing anymore?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
What about the absolute panic and horror of going under the knife? And when I wake up, I hope that, A, I can speak, and in a perfect world, I can still sing. I'm sure your research on doctors must have been intense.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But hang on. I mean, like, there are plenty of musicians and bands that I would easily pay top dollar to go see. But even if they can't make the song sound like it did when they recorded it fucking 30 years ago, I still want to see them doing it and just move the mic away from their mouth a little bit when they reach for that high C. Like... John's like, no.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But you're providing more than, you know, incredible singing. We want to see you, John. Watch YouTube. I'm not interested.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
We were just talking with somebody recently about this idea of like getting nervous when you're putting it in a position like this and getting a call from the vice president saying, hey, you're on the ticket. Makes you probably makes you feel nervous. But I wonder if... When something like this happens, it's almost like a thing that you can't even dream about. At least certainly I couldn't.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
A few years, and I think you're right. And again, it can't be said enough, which is even if you don't agree with us, that's okay, but still get out and vote. It's still important. We all have that right, and I respect your right to do it, and you should respect mine.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
So it's almost like you can't get even nervous because it's so far beyond what you... I can get nervous about things that I think about doing, but if something comes that's new... No, that's a great analogy.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
You didn't seem, when you came out, he was so terrific and it felt like, here we go. Honestly, Tim, it really felt like, here we go. We are entering into a new age and thank God Tim is the guy and Tim is here. And there are a lot of other great candidates for sure.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
It's an all-new Smart List. By the way, dinner was really good last night. Was it? Yeah, it was really good.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Yeah. Tim, first of all, I hope, and congrats, and I really do hope that your run, as you say, you were a high school teacher and a coach and you had no sort of political aspirations. I hope that you deciding to do it inspires other people like you. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
who are leaders in their community and who aren't looking to enrich themselves, who aren't looking for anything other than to serve, I hope that inspires other people to do what you've done because that's what we need.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
And because of things like social media and their lives will get upended and all that. And security.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Well, so I was going to say, and then you, you know, what do you think it was when you talk about having a, you know, A guy like Donald Trump getting double digits in your district.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
What do you think it was that allowed people to convince themselves that he would be... You know, when I see that these top unions are deciding like, well, we don't know if we can endorse an actual candidate this year because they're worried about their membership union. Union members. Imagine this. Union members who want to support...
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Donald Trump, the guy who wants to do nothing, but who has nothing but disregard for them. Yeah. It's staggering. And I'm sure I could get a million comments back on this. Somebody on one of our social pages, people would say, AF, you don't know what you're talking about. You've never, first of all, I have had lots of real jobs. So I say right back at you.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
But also, you know, this is a guy who doesn't have any regard for the American family, doesn't doesn't have any regard for hardworking people, doesn't have any regard, would bust a union as quicker than you can imagine. So what is it about that that they've been able to fool these people?
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Sorry, I just want to stop and say, I thought for you Rice Krispie cakes were for breakfast. It's breakfast. That was a breakfast. Well, this is true.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
The gap, the gap, the wealth gap. The wealth gap has never been bigger. And I remember saying this 10, 20 years ago, how that gap was widening. And now we're at this place, and if people think for one minute that Donald Trump and J.D.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Vance give two craps about the middle class, they're looking to do tax cut to the richest Americans, to these billionaires, to give tax cuts to those, when the people who need the tax cuts are the people right in the middle who drive this country, who have made this country what it is.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Worked the system. I imagine, put it this way, if my dad gave me $400 million, I'd be a hell of a lot richer than Donald Trump is. I guarantee you would. Absolutely. You could have put it in a CD.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
And I said to Sean, we were talking about sleep, you know, which has been a recurring theme for us. And he was talking about his poor sleep hygiene and waking up or not being able to go to bed. And I said, you're having, what are you having at night? He goes, nothing. This will be it. This will be my meal. And when I get home, I mean, I might have some ice cream. There it is.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
It's interesting. One of the things that I noticed about you and Vice President Harris is that the way that you guys talk, that sort of antidote you gave about the vice president talking about we work for all Americans, there is that sense that a lot of the people who vote Republican talk about red, blue, blah, blah, blah. You guys don't talk as much about that. You guys talk about all Americans.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
The divisiveness. Because, yeah, you have to, right? I mean, we're all here. We all live here. We all, you know.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
each state into blue and red justice and then show the percentages rather than color i just i just want to go on the record as saying just out of deference to you tim and what you're doing in the office that you're seeking that i have withheld a really good joke because it was in really poor taste we'll get it in the wrap-up but i'll just i just wanted you to know that that's how much respect i have is it about me yes of course but um
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
But I could also make it about Jason too. There's plenty there. There's plenty.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
You know, for me, one of the issues that I want to get to, and sorry if this seems very abrupt, but I think the issue for me that needs to be taken head on and we need to talk about, and I can't believe that there's any debate in talking about it considering that it's 2024. is women's health care. Yeah, absolutely. For me, it is number one this year.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Women's health care and we... The fact that it's even up for a debate is absolutely ridiculous.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
And there isn't a person out there, there isn't a woman out there who's seeking healthcare, who's doing, who wants to talk about it or is in a position who feels good about doing it. Nobody's going out there. That's the other thing. It's like, you know, abortion, right, or whatever.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Do you think people are, this is something that everybody's looking for, that this is a place that people are in a great place in their life?
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
You should have a working knowledge of how anything works. It's absurd. If we ever wanted to have a real conversation and you had to remove the word salad and you're like, no, the moment you deviate from the question, you're out.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Yeah, well, of course, it makes so much sense to invest in the future, to invest in ourselves, to invest in our kids. That's what's going to help us. Because otherwise, if it rots beneath, you know, if that doesn't get supported, then there is no future.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
So Tim, let me ask you this. You're a coach. You're a teacher, but you're a coach. And I love the idea that you're coaching teams. And so I just think you'd be awesome. It's, you know, we're looking at the clock. We got two minutes left in this election, and the team, which is America, is at the sideline. What are you saying to us?
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
What do we need to do to kind of, you know, to get a W here for our country? Yeah, I've been given— Not just in the election, but in general for America.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
It's good. I think I need to know this. Like giving away SUVs with every tractor. That was a horrible idea.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
We are really honored. And your authentic self just shines through. And that authenticity is just so refreshing and great.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Listen, once you've won and you want to take a little break, Jason and I will meet you in Nebraska. Let's go play some sand green golf. All right, I'm working even harder now.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
And I know that there are a lot of people out there who don't want, and so I get you saying in my opinion, but the one thing you can't knock is the guy's authenticity. Yeah, yeah. He's just such an authentic, real person, and it's great talking to him.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
And also not a guy who's out there to enrich himself or protect himself and use the office as a way to avoid prosecution.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Truly, it's just so not self-serving. It's the opposite. It's public service, right? Yeah, the truth. Yeah, it's pretty... I think the most jarring thing was seeing Mike Terry there at the end who works with us, our producers, that he was actually in the room.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
I wanted to mention this thing that there have been some fake fundraising emails that were going out. This is true.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Yes. Yeah, because we all get those. But we get these fake ones that are coming from them and they wanted to address them. I think they're working on it.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Sean's worried, Tim, that you're not getting enough sleep. That's what I'm worried about. That's my question.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Yeah, it's true. Also, those maps are so deceiving because when you look at, when you put it up against population, where population is centered.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico. Smart. Less.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Tim, let me just say this. I haven't done the ring, but I've done the Apple Watch thing or whatever. The great Apple Watch. Yeah. Sorry, the great Apple Watch. Jason wants a free Apple Watch. No, it's just because they're listening. Oh, don't worry. He already got it. I saw it.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Tim, by the way, we should be called, not smartly, we should be called shameless. And if there's any product out there you've got your eye on, just mention it and we'll have them send it to you.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
So what I was going to say about that, watch those sleep tracking things. I got into it for a while. And I think your daughter's right because you go like, okay, well, where can I? But then at the end of the day, what ends up happening is you start feeling bad. So I wake up and I go, I think I did okay. And then I'm like, oh, my God, I only got three hours of REM. And then I got sleep panic.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
I like the idea of you running in Central Park, looking around, and really, because you haven't been there a lot, taking it in, twirling around, not unlike Mary Tyler Moore did in Minneapolis.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
We also want to say, I know that a lot of people, you know, come and listen to Smart List because it's a great place to kind of get away from all the noise and stuff. And giggle and snap. But JB, you were talking, like this is also a really good time to remind people
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
No wonder they went out of business. They're going to get their tracks again.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
Sean, you took body work in high school, right? Like a lot of Reiki and stuff like that.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
I was going to say, kids don't know that stuff anymore. And there's some... Jason calls his agent if he gets a flat tire. Yeah. So... So, I mean, and that's the truth, Tim. You need to know the truth about this guy. But, I mean, he's a Hollywood elitist, liberal elitist, but... I'm on the corner of Sunset Boulevard.
SmartLess
"Governor Tim Walz"
But honestly, if my car starts to go... I'm pulling over and I'm like, I don't know what's going on.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Wow. And let me bring Sean into the conversation. Sean, when David said that he's an East End boy, did you start humming Pet Shop Boys to yourself?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, and you can't hide, I'll bet, right? I mean, England is such a small place in comparison to America. There's not a corner you can go without having to be ready for either confrontation or adulation.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
We'll be right back. Is there a place on the planet that you found that you can go and you can have relative anonymity and just bop around?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Oh my God, you would have loved it. Yes, so Franny Tracy, my 17-year-old, she was in a musical last week at her school. She was incredible, I can say. I heard she was great, yeah. Yeah, and I'm just, I'm so, so proud. And she seems to, unfortunately, have been bitten by the actor bug, the performance bug, the audience bug, the whole thing.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I have a feeling Victoria is about to come in and stab David with her headphones. She is. I feel like this is the weed she's talking about.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
And so, you know, we're going to have to manage that. I'm obviously going to support her. No, I mean, I've tried.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
except for the looks, the fashion, and the athletic ability. Now, David, what part of the documentary were you most excited for the public to learn about you that perhaps they didn't know before?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
uh as part of the ensemble yes it was now now nine to five was on broadway at one point was it not correct yes uh-huh it's it seemed like it would be that's it's a great show yeah i heard it's really good it's the whole like tumble out of bed stumble to the kitchen pour myself a cup of ambition yawning stretching try to come alive oh you know the song i've never seen jason i know
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Three times last week. And Maple, our 12-year-old, she was maybe even more obsessed by the whole experience. Yes, she told me. There are two on the loading dock. Here it comes.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Well, obviously... Obviously, bringing these global superstars into American soccer is hugely important. It's something that you basically started, if I'm correct. And the sport has consequently been growing in the United States quite a lot since then.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, yeah. And so you kind of started a thing going there and it's reached its, you know, zenith, current zenith with Messi. Are you bullish? Are you confident that American soccer will continue to grow and someday be on par with, you know, our American football and baseball and basketball as far as notoriety and attendance and licensing and TV rights, all that stuff?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, she loved it. She's going to get into theater when she gets to the upper school. Really?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, she doesn't want to get her hands dirty building sets and light cues and stuff like that. She just wants a spotlight. Yeah, yeah. But it was very, very cool. I loved it. It's fun to watch that, right?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
And it's continuing what you started. Gareth Bale did it too. The great Gareth Bale. We love Gareth.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
What is your favorite sport aside from soccer that you enjoy playing and or watching?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It seems like it's something that I would, I know it's a little frame heavy left. Let me adjust my composition there.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
You're also leaving in the SUV from the tunnel under what was then called the Staples Center. You don't have to deal with the nonsense of traffic getting out of the big lot.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I'm a Lakers fan too. David, we have, every once in a while, we get a lucky caller will break through with a question. Oh, no. I don't know if you're seeing it there on your board. Oh, this is for Will. This caller is from New York City named Justin T. Fucking thorough.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Hey. Don't say that. Don't say that. His arms are cold, though. So, Will, he says, I love the show, Will. You've always been a huge Liverpool supporter. As you know, your guest, Mr. Beckham, has at times not had the warmest of receptions by Liverpool fans. But because he is a wonderful man and a top bloke, He has generously forgiven them.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
My question is, as a Liverpool fan, would you like to use this moment on the record and on behalf of all Liverpoolians to apologize to Mr. Beckham's beautiful face and admit that you were wrong and you should shut your big fat mouth?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
There we go. Let's go, me and... Oh, look at that nice kitchenette. It looks like flowers, but it's actually a broom. All right. Sorry, listener. You know what? It's been too long now. We've kept our guest waiting because of Scotty ignoring you, Sean. I know. So let me do my best.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
He's got a follow-up question also for Will. Jesus. At night, do you use moisturizer on your chest or just regular prescription burn cream? and he says he can just take the answer off air. He's hanging up now. He's unbelievable. Yeah.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Please tell my wife that. It's also conditioned you well to be a great husband, although she doesn't need any help navigating media, but a good father to help explain what some challenging stuff can be. Also a great owner for the team when some of these players start going through some of the same things
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
media scrutiny and stuff so you're in a it's so great that you have a position that you've earned that is going to demand all of the things you've had to uh create manage you know yeah let me say this david let me ask you this because this this might help inform that we can sort of backtrack are you obviously you've done a lot we've talked about a lot of these things are you happy
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
He truly did, listener. Just a big hard shot of milk. So this is a fella that... Will would probably do a better job introducing this guy. And he probably will be driving this interview much more than me, although I am a huge fan of his as well. But I can't really elaborate with one of my incredible introductions like I usually do. When do you do those? But I will... Sean, what did he say?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
David, are you traveling more now? Are you busier now than you ever were as a player?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
David, my mother's British, so I love people who are British, and I'd love to know what is the most quintessentially British thing about you?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Now, that is a beef roast we're talking about, yes? Chicken roast? Chicken roast.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
What is the best British slang word or phrase? And can you give us an example of how you'd use it?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
You're obviously still staying in incredible shape. What about some of that British food there? What's your favorite piece of crap over there in England?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
So I will say that, well, let me, I'm going to say some things here. And Willie, as soon as you guess it, you can go ahead and introduce them. All right? All right. This guy, this stud, this world famous athlete. In the room. Played for... Manchester United, Real Madrid, AC Milan, LA Galaxy, Paris Saint-Germain, and the England national team.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
David, you've been a very, very nice man to join us and a great man during this interview.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
David, thank you so, so much. Have a great rest of your night. Thank you very much.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
shanty again like you know but like so to to our listeners like me and sean we're not big soccer fans but we we make a commitment to you uh in the audience that if we're gonna bring somebody on that does something you have no idea about yeah they're gonna be charming they're going to be uber famous yep okay and uh and they're gonna walk you through it they're gonna and by the way and sometimes they're not gonna be any of those things
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Well, if that happens, though, Willie, then you'll have... Well, but you'll be an LAFC fan. Yeah. And then you'll be a Miami fan. Yes. So, basically, your fandom will be literally by... Crossover! I was going to say, you're going to be so excited. Thank God we cut before that.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
No way. You're joking. No, I'm not joking. You're welcome, Will. It's not even your birthday.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, listener, we apologize if we were late today. Well, would we have been late with the listener? How does it work?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, he's working on it. He's trying to distract from his ugly looks by dressing up a bit, you know?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
But so you have a position somewhere in the English government or somehow with the fashion industry. I should have this. I'm looking for it. Great research. Yeah. It's not great over here. Sorry, David. But can you fill in where my dumbness is taking over?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Everyone's been dying to hear. So when you tie the baseball cap into the T-shirt, tell us what the process is.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Well, let me tell you something, Will. You're going to be mortified when you realize that you've embarrassed yourself. You and your silly podcast operation have embarrassed yourself in front of this guest. Why? How did I do it? I'm not in charge of Sean. Yeah, but you're going to feel the most embarrassment. No, no, no.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
That's what I'm saying, yeah. Now, can I ask you, David, do you like a little bit of stretch in your jeans?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I get a lot of heat for the stretch I prefer in my jeans. But, you know, us athletes, David, we've got nice-sized legs and a real motor behind us, and so we need some room when we sit down.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
He's a very handsome boy. I'm shy. To wrap up the fashion side of it, I'm curious... Will, I'm curious if you like going to these fashion shows. Do you like sitting front row and seeing all the fashion forward stuff?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
We're going to cover a little bit of it, and Tracy's just going to have to deal with it.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
He's working in the back in his little studio. So he's doing his things instead of doing your things. That's right. There's the problem. Priorities have shifted.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I keep telling people that. It's so funny. That was not me. And by the way, you know, the movie you did before that night shift, I watched over and over and over. Oh, my God. I love that movie. And the one line that stuck out in my head, of course, is when you're like, we could just feed the tuna the mayonnaise. So you don't have to. Get it open.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
And as a kid, I was like, that's such a genius idea. Feed the tuna fish. That's such a genius idea.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Well, you caught me off guard. How's everybody doing? I always feel like Jason, we never get to see you anymore.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But you were part of a lot of firsts. Like Will's kind of saying, like, Mr. Mom, nobody was doing a comedy like that. You were the first one to do a comedy kind of like that. And then Beetlejuice and then Batman. You were the first to do a lot of things. Is that something you look for, like, in scripts?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I'll tell you why. Because you're always working. And when you have downtime, you just want to be by yourself, which I get.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Just a Venmo. Yeah, just a Venmo. It's a straight Venmo. And Michael, I just got out of high school when that came out, when Batman came out. And I was like, wait, the guy from Night Shift that I've seen a million times in Mr. Mop, he's Batman? And then I didn't... Take a look at his face again. No, but wait. Hang on. Wait for it. And then you saw, I even saw the trailer. I was like, oh my God.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Well, and you kind of invented the whole, like Will just said, like the whole thing, like the tone and the feel and the look and everything.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, and sometimes knowing who you are now and all your success with all of the unbelievable, your resume is just one of the most impressive ever.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I always, you know, you don't think about, oh, that guy probably had, he had an audition. Like, I just see you as a movie star. But when you're younger, you had an audition and start out, you know, just like all the rest of us. And it's hard to imagine you walking into a room. What made you, didn't you grow up in, where did you grow up? Right outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah. But no, this is our smart list media show called Bad Dates. Yeah, we love this show. It was with Jamila Jamil, and now it's with Joel Kim Booster, and it's going to be just as great. And, you know, everybody has bad dates. Everybody can relate to them.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Hey, guys. Will, really, your hair is really growing in there. It's very long.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah. So you can find new episodes anywhere you get your podcast. Because, you know, we all know the worst dates make the best stories.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I remember the first year of Will & Grace, I was 27 years old. I was like, I'll get fired next week, I'm sure.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You were unwilling grace. That's what it is. Michael, I want to go back to the Beetlejuice 2. Yeah. It looks incredible. Yeah, it looks amazing. When you said yes to doing that, were you like, oh, man, and the first day in the makeup trailer, you're like, why did I put this? Why did I say yes? I got to put the wig on. I got to put the fucking dirt on my face. I got to put the black circles.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, because everybody I knew for years were like, why don't they do a sequel? Why don't they do a sequel? So finally it's here.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, and I like what you said, Jason, about you can't really nail him down. Or maybe you said it well. You can't label him. Yeah, you can't label him. I love that. That's so true.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Hey, on that ranch that he was living on, do you think there were a lot of animals around there? Like, what kind of animals?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Wait, no, like there's probably like cows and there's probably like bigger cows and like chickens. You mean like some bison. Bison. Bye.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You got that thing. However you get. Mine's just annoying in Chicago. No, yours is very witty. Okay, well, there you go.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
When I first moved, the very first year, I worked at a restaurant called Red. And then part of that was to, you know, sometimes people would, oh, I'm doing a wedding. So I do like to make an extra hundred bucks, I would help out like- Yes. Yeah. And it was, yeah.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
What an impression. And also, but I kept meeting you over and over. And Michael, we can cut this if you'd like, so don't worry. And I kept meeting you over and over because you used to date Julie Bowen.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, and I used to be friends with Julie Bowen, and that I would always run into at parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at that hotel. Why cut it?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You don't hop up on Pop-Tart, sugar. Yeah. I am kind of flying. Jason's on a gummy.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Michael, who was it at? I think it was at... Who played Goose in the original... What's his name? Anthony Edwards. Oh, Anthony Edwards. It was at Anthony Edwards' house, and he was having a wedding for somebody.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
No, but you, but I must, I will say every single time I ran into you, whether it was when I was around Julie or not, one of the nicest guys, always, always, always. Oh, well, thanks. Yeah, always. And super funny and allowed me to be funny in front of you. You're very generous.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You know what? It's so funny. When I was living in Chicago, I would watch certain channels that no longer exist. And on those channels were shows that no longer exist and they weren't really great. And I was really young and I was like, I know I can be at least that bad. Like if that's all that's required, there's gotta be some job for me somewhere. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
This month. Hey, growing up around so much music, I'm sure, there's constantly music in your house, I'm sure, right?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Jason, it was good to see you last night. We all had dinner last night, and we haven't seen you in so long. Yeah, I know. It was so nice to see you. And the dinner was super fun, and everybody was funny. All giddy all night. I laughed real hard last night. And then I told you. I'm real sweet on that Tig Notaro. She's great. She's so funny. I just love her. Hysterical. Hysterical.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
When you were a kid? Yeah. And were you ever inspired to do that? Like, was your whole family like, wait, don't you want to come over here and do what we're doing? We're playing instruments, we're singing songs, we're producing records.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Wow, that's amazing. You know, what was fascinating to me watching that was seeing you in the document because you're like, you have to check out this documentary. I ran home and watched it. And there's my friend Rashida Jones and I'm watching Rashida Jones interview her dad, who's Quincy Jones. And I had this weird thing where like, wait, they're related?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Which is a compliment because- That's really nice, I take that. You've become, you've made such a world for yourself, separate from his huge world. And you've both become hugely successful that it was wild just to see-
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You know, it's like you've already got your own thing. It's Janet and Michael. Huh? It's Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson. I never think of them in the same family.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
No, but like, Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson are in the same family, but when I see them, I'm like, I don't think of the other one.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, I kind of had to pause every 10 minutes and be like, Scotty, who's that? Who's that? Who's that? There's so many characters. Oh, you're one of those. You remind me never to watch a movie with you.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I just, Scotty just said Coppola went back in and recut it recently, like in the last five years or so. Oh, really? Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know if that's true.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah. One of the greatest documentaries I've ever seen is the Pixar story.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, they should. It's so fascinating. Yeah. And I did Monsters University, that little movie. And so I went up there too. And the whole facility is the coolest. Like everybody's just playing ping pong and walking around.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You and Jason both grew up in the Valley. Did you ever run into each other? Have you known each other or no? You always pass each other. You don't remember, do you? I want to know. I want to hear this. I don't remember yesterday.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
That's better. And by the way, you can do it all because you're already doing it all.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I talk about all that shit in my therapy. I talk about all that stuff. Yeah. So good. Will, I'm excited for you. This is really exciting. I wouldn't be scared. I would embrace it.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Most of the firsts are gone. Wow, I talk about all that, Rashida, in my therapy.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
All right. So wait, so Rashida, so then first of all, everything you're saying is like so well said. That's like so succinct and to the point and I love it. What is the best advice somebody has given you to get over what we're all talking about? Or to not get over it, but to kind of deal with it. Yeah, manage it.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
What are you talking about? It's the fun part. And so is the guest part. But this is fun, too.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Oh, RJ's good. RJ's pretty good. You're obsessed with the initials, Jay. Yeah, I do like the initials. I call you Jay.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Rashida, did you know you were coming on when I saw you last week, two weeks ago? I did.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
By the way, for my sister Tracy, your dad is Quincy Jones. Please continue.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Rashida. It's so good to see you. Rashida. Tell me what you're doing today and what's going on. You know how much I love you.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Oh, how does one prep for the summer? Cleaning the pool or? Just like a lot of reps. Got to cut a lot of vegetables. Yeah. Oh.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
So, Rashida, you know, I loved Silo so much. I told you when I saw you. And I was like, oh, my God, Rashida's in this show that I heard so much about, that I love so much. And then you died in the first fucking episode. Spoiler alert. That's how I do it. I was like, wait, what? Did that bum you out? No, that's why I took the job. What do you mean?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I just watched The Giant with him and Rock Hudson and Liz Taylor. Just Giant. Just Giant. More hot takes from Sean.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, I know it was really long, but it was good. I didn't know it was based on... Dallas was based on it. The show Dallas was based on Giant.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Anyway, let's continue. Yeah, James Dean. I think this is one of his last movies or his last movie. Wait a second.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
No, the guy's name is J.R. I mean, his initials are JR. And Giant, he's an oil king and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. You're sure? 100% positive.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
And we'll be right back. Because I read a headline this morning when I got up, like, you know, North Korea is ready to, you know, they're always saying whatever.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I do. I would just like to say... If I can get in here. Wait, Willie's got a really fast good joke for Jason today.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I'm guessing something like... I don't think it was six trumpets blowing their brains out.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Wait, talk about things that are difficult to play. We might have to cut this. But I try to get the end credits music to E.T., and you can't find it. It's not published anywhere. And so my husband, Scotty, scoured the Internet. We finally got it. This is me playing the end, which is one of my favorite pieces, and it's so hard because you write very difficult music.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
But now tell people the story of the last 15 minutes of E.T. because that's fascinating. Just a moment ago, you said Stephen really loves a lot of music in his movies. Yes. So what happened in the last 15 minutes of E.T. ?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I know. You want to hear another one? Milk is the fastest liquid on earth. It's pasteurized before we can even see it. Not bad.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
No, because they're going to get super excited about our guest today. And now listen, I love when we get a true living legend on this podcast. My guest today served our country in the Air Force, became a renowned jazz musician, and then eventually moved to Hollywood to work on some of the biggest films in motion picture history. I'm sure you're going to guess who it is right away.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
He is the single most Academy Award-nominated living person, and after Walt Disney, he's the second most nominated person of all time. Anyone in the world from all walks of life could hum his work. Guys, it's the illustrious, incomparable, one of my heroes, John Williams. Got it. No way. Yes, incredible. Wow. Look at this. Wow.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
All right, back to the show. John, you know, all of your music, every single time, like we're talking, we see E.T. or Schindler's List or Raiders of the Lost Ark or whatever it is. Star Wars.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Star Wars 4, 5, 6, Star Wars 7, 8, 9. Evokes emotion, right? A very deep emotion. Is there a piece of music that you've written or another composer has written that to this day affects you emotionally every single time like your music does to me and us?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
John, I have a question from my husband, Scotty, who is a self-proclaimed expert on just about everything you've ever composed and or recorded. It's true. It's totally true. He says, this is from Scotty, there's been a longstanding rumor over many years that you played piano for the soundtrack recording sessions for the film version of West Side Story. Is that true? Yes.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
So that's you on the album playing piano. That's crazy. Oh, wow. That is crazy. I played that in the pit a long time ago, and it's really, really hard.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah, yeah, for sure. John, when you first started, first of all, you grew up in, tell me where you grew up again, Brooklyn or where?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Queens, Queens, Queens. And then when you studied jazz as a kid, did you always know that, like, when did the love of film composing come in? Like, did you always want to do that or were you happy being a musician on Broadway and theaters and gigs?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Well, I don't know. It shocked us too. Because I don't look anything like him, I know.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
And as Will said, Gilligan's Island. It's crazy that you wrote music for that.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
And is it true you can play six instruments? I read piano, bassoon, clarinet, cello, trombone, and trumpet. Is that right?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I did. I read all his books. I went to the archives at the... Paley Center, where they have all the old footage. And I just spent, you know, a couple days there looking at stuff. And then I downloaded some stuff on YouTube. You know, you just go nuts when you try to do something like that.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
You know, John, we didn't even touch on your time in the military, the U.S. Air Force. Nor have we touched on golf. Our golf. Yes, but really quick. So many of your themes, especially Raiders and Superman and, you know, the Darth Vader theme, they're all very militaristic. They're very march. They feel like they... Is that inspired by your time in the military or is that just...
SmartLess
"John Williams"
John, thank you for being here today. Thank you so much. What a thrill. This is like one of my... You're such a massive inspiration to me as a pianist, as a wannabe composer in my early 20s, to everything you've ever done. And, you know, I... I... I always say I want to retire when I'm 60, and then I start looking at your resume and I get a second wind.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
You know that Steven Spielberg played clarinet on Jaws, but he played it so bad that they put the sound into the local marching band because it wasn't great. So it's actually Steven playing, and it's some kid faking it in the movie. So funny. And then Steven played clarinet in 1941, the movie 1941. Is that the movie? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, and his son was the lead singer of Toto.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Joseph, you always talk about you have 80, I got 80 million questions I want to ask. I did, but I didn't want, we didn't get into his family, so I, and I wanted it to make it about him and, you know, but I guess that is about him. That's his son. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, you're right.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Was it Oscar? No, it was Gershwin, but Oscar recorded the most famous recording.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah. And that's what Oscar was known for, and he tried to... It's a very Salieri-Mozart kind of relationship where they love-hate, where Oscar revered Gershwin, but could never be quite like him.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I looked up right before this. I was looking up how to survive a nuclear war.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
You want to know how to survive a nuclear war? Oh, right. You're still trying to kick your virus. Yeah. Sean, what were you saying? You want to win? Do you want to know how to survive a nuclear war? Or a nuclear bomb? Okay. Run? So you've got to cover your eyes and get down, and then you've got to find a basement or something.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah, that makes sense. Which brings me to a question I have about your process. I read somewhere that you don't read the scripts on purpose and the first time that you're exposed to the film is the rough cut and the edit. And when you're sitting there watching the movie, whether it be Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Jaws, whatever it is, Indiana Jones, do you, are you- Keep going.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I know, it's just unbelievable. Are you crafting a melody in your head as you're watching it? And then is that the melody that we actually end up hearing? Or how does that process work for you? Or is there temp in there?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah, and is it true that when you did Jaws, E-F, E-F, E-F, E-F, that Spielberg thought you were kidding? Is that true? Is that true?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Do you think there's the threat of complacency among voters because the Republicans are saying that there's voter suppression? The Democrats are saying the post office is going to be corrupt. Both sides are kind of saying this is so much is against us. Why bother go out and vote? Do you think there's a lot of that? And how do we combat that?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Did you ever, Jason, want to, any part of you, want to or still want to be a public servant of any kind or run for anything?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Because I think you'd be really good. Or a private servant. Would you consider being a private servant?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yeah. Jason brought up this idea of this sort of the ideological divide and what is that divide. First of all, I think that that's true, that that used to be what it is, but the Republicans have played the greatest trick, which I always talk about or think about, which is, first of all, they always talk about, well, a small government, and people don't know what they're talking about.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
You ask somebody on the street, well, yeah, I'd vote Republican because I want small government. You don't know what you're talking about. George W. Bush had the biggest government in the history of this country. And yet he – but he claimed that that's what he wanted. OK.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
So then you have what they managed to do is consistently convince the people who will benefit the least from these – from them being in power to vote for them. People who are going to suffer. People who aren't going to be able to receive any benefits and all these things. And – They've consistently convinced these people along different lines.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
And the people that are doing it, they've – this conservative movement that started, what, 45 years ago? This sort of handful of guys. This is a concerted effort that's been going on for a few generations to get to the point where we're at today. And, again, it's a very sort of dystopian view that these guys – or that we're kind of living in now where they have –
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
created this, the gap has never been greater between the haves and the have-nots.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
And it's all by design. That's what's so scary. All of it's by design. Trump is just doing his bidding of the guys like the Sheldon Adelson's and all these guys. This is by design. And that's what's scary. And that's what people in this country need to be afraid of.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Would I ever consider being prime minister of Canada? Yeah. Yeah. Would they elect me? Sure.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Can I ask a question about California because we all live in it and it's, correct me, it's the third largest economy, what, in the world? It's about fifth. Fifth, okay, fifth. And so I keep reading about, you know, every year in California there's a drought, there's a drought, there's a drought.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
So California, fifth largest economy, when are we going to figure out how to desalinate water or whatever so that every year there's not like this crazy shortage? And these articles I'm reading about water is the next thing for these huge business people.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yeah, because I'm kind of an idiot if you haven't gathered, and I'm looking to my left where the beach is, and I'm like, wait, most of the earth is water. Let's figure this out, people. This was this weekend that you realized that, right? Yeah, I'm exhausted.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
The capital of Germany is now Berlin. West Germany used to be Bonn. You're an idiot. You're an idiot.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
B-O-N-N. True story. Where's the umlaut? There is none. Where's the accent aigu? That's French. Any more questions? I mean, is batting 1,000 a good average?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
But, Jason, because you take it pretty, you once got in a fight with a paparazzi guy outside of the Rolls-Royce dealership. And I think that that, for you, was a seminal moment. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yeah. Yeah, no, I know. Well, you know, it's a perfect time to bring on somebody who can actually answer all of our questions about all of this.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
What in the world do you do for fun? Because like, is it nonstop 24 hours a day doing what you're doing?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Will makes a mean frozen pizza. Sean likes to cook, too. Sorry, I mean, Sean likes to talk to cook, and he'll say, hey, can you make me, hey, can you cook?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yeah. Also, Jason said the same thing verbatim to his therapist like two hours ago.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
I see a reality show in your future. I love it. Can I ask you a question? So let's all hope that Joe Biden wins in November. And I really hope that you're a big part of that. And can you just make me... Can you make me a promise right now that if that happens as a Canadian, that you'll reach out to the Canadians and say, hey, listen, I'm sorry.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yay. This is so cool. This is the first time I've clapped. I'm going to clap too. This is the first time I've clapped on the podcast. Hi.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
I know we've been a little abusive lately, but we still love you. And we'd love to be, because you're our closest, you're our biggest trading partner. You're our closest friend. Because Canadians feel very like we got, ow, like got kicked in the shin by the big brother.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
I'm going to get her number and I'm going to go see her next time I'm up there. I'm going to go see her.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yeah, no, I don't know. Sean, was that your guest? No, that was not my guest. It was like, I recognized her from her profile, but not straight on.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
No, I mean... You don't want to be ambassador. You're running for ambassador.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
I mean, or is it available? No. By the way, could I be? I think I could be, couldn't I? No, you couldn't be. Why? Hey, so, guys. Don't just rule it out. Like, no, both of you. Yeah, there's no.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Yeah. Well, it was another great episode, Dan, and she was great. Amazing person.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
I love her. Honestly, as hard as it is for me to say, kudos. Kudos. Kudos. What does that mean? Great job. That was an awesome, well done. You spell it K or C? K-U-D-O-S. You never heard of Kudos?
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Anyway, what an episode. Love you guys. Love you too. Hey, listen, can I be the first to say bye? Bye. Oh.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
You know, I met you one time a while ago. You were so wonderful to have like a special intimate evening at some place. I don't know where it was. Really special for you, I guess. Yeah. You don't even remember where it was. Well, it was like a hidden location. Is it a shop? You were so eloquent and so well-spoken and so intelligent. It was just incredible to hear you speak.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
And I walked up to you afterwards and I had, you're like, so if anybody has any ideas, of course, my ideas are horrible. And I walked up to you and your assistant was like, I'm sorry, Ms. Senator Harris, she has somewhere to be right now. So if you could make it quick, I go, no, no, no, I'm busier. I'm going to leave first. I have to go first. I'm much busier than she is.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
As a matter of fact, I'm going to end this conversation and leave first. I have to go.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
It was so bad, I can't. It's embarrassing. Only blue M&Ms. Well, red, white, and blue.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
And you must—your years, obviously, as an attorney, as a prosecutor, helped you that that's what you do, right? You kind of on the fly have to look at stuff. And Jason, it befuddles him. It took him three days when he guest starred on Silver Spoons to get through a 30— Yeah, these are tough.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Right. But it's not just that you have to digest it, but you really have to take it in and really, you know, take a position and understand what it is and what the implications are of every specific point on a micro and macro simultaneously. All these things. I mean, these are and these are big issues. These aren't just little sort of trivial.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
These are life and death, especially like you were saying for small businesses, etc., This is make or break moments right now.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
And it's sort of the cynical view that I've taken the last couple of days, amongst other people, I'm not alone in this, is that, of course, at the root of this, at the heart of this, is... I love the argument that the Postal Service loses X million dollars a year. Well, yeah, of course, it's not there. You know, my kids cost me money.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
My friend was saying to me the other day, my kids cost me money, but I don't get rid of them. You know, that's the price of doing, this is what we do. It's a service that's provided to me. It's not a profit department. Yes, right.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
And it's part of our democracy and the ability for people to transact, people who don't have the same, in the same way that moms do. But also, the cynical point I was going to say was that... This is just another arm or tentacle of voter suppression, ultimately.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
It's not even subtle. Yeah, that's what I was going to say, Jason. It's not even, like, subtle. It's like...
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
Can I ask you a question? So, you know, we talk about voter suppression and ultimately, and I know that across all people of color are affected by it, but ultimately we're talking about suppressing the black vote. Ultimately, that's the biggest percentage, right? That seems to be that's where the target is for the Republican Party at large.
SmartLess
"Kamala Harris"
But are they doing that in order to aid Trump and or whomever it is, or Republicans in the Senate, because it's much more advantageous to them?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Howard, what would you consider would be the sort of the turning point in your career where you kind of broke through? Because, again, you started, you had all these, you sort of, you keyed into this kind of thing, you know, with odd characters on your show. But what was the turning point where you felt like you broke through to a bigger audience?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
And so that was the moment when you started getting really real about your own life that started to change it. Yes. And did you, did you notice being real about your life because so much, you know, anybody who's listened to the show knows that you talk about what's going on in your life, what you did on the weekend, you, new haircut, new clothes, whatever it was.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
How many do you have exactly? I mean, we're looking into it, but the point is. We got to find out. The point is, is. You talked about, you talked about so much about your personal life. Was there a point where talking about your personal life hurt your relationship? I don't mean necessarily even romantic. I mean, hurt relationships because people were nervous about talking to you at a party?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But do you wave at somebody on the street and go like, hey, and they're like, fuck, man, I don't want to say hi to him because I'm going to end up on the show tomorrow.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But everybody here knows who our guest is going to be, so there are not a lot of surprises. So there is one surprise that we do have today, just to kind of get everybody warmed up, to get us warmed up a little bit. Yeah. Something, Sean, you don't know about. Uh-oh. Yeah. Don't worry, it's not your dad. We still can't find him. It's so fun because he left. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Howard, that shifted though because, and it was about, I'm going to say almost 10 years ago, maybe a little bit more, where you started hanging out with a lot of people and your life changed. And you became kind of one of the people that used to talk in a certain way, right? Not one of the people, but you became friends with a lot of people. I did. And you allowed celebrities into your life.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You became friends with people like Jason Bateman from TV and film, who we all love.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
It shifted. Like, I remember back in the, I mean, years ago, you remember I used to call Chevy Chase's house all the time. I used to drive him crazy.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I know. But then it changes because you have to meet those people, right, out in the world.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Yeah. Did I ever tell you that? This is kind of a sad story. I don't know if this is... Yeah. But anyway, we can get back to that again.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I made a terrible joke about that once a long time ago, but I'm not going to repeat it here.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Her complaint after that, she thought that everybody looked like a cunt, right? Isn't that what she said?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Mm-hmm. Howard, is there any one interview you have that you regret? Is there any one that you're like, oh, many, many.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
It's funny. You're really honest about that in your self-assessment of that time in your life now that you're older. And is that just a result of getting older or is this a result of doing a lot of work?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
How many of your guests... Because one of the other things that we get to do is we get to choose... We reach out to people that we're interested in talking to. Right. How much of that do you do and how much of that comes in through...
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
He's the nicest guy. He's the kindest. We love him. Oh, we all have skeletons.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
We all have one-eyed parents. One-eyed parents. So we do have one surprise tonight, just so, you know, to try to bring us out of the hole of Sean's upbringing. So I've asked the guy to come here tonight just to do a little something before we get going. Are you serious? I swear to God, yeah. He's an Emmy winner. He's a finalist on America's Got Talent.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Did not know that until right now. I didn't know. That just sucked the air out of the room.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
He's been on the Jimmy Fallon program, amongst others. Is that what it's called, the program? It's called the Jimmy Fallon program. That's what the producers tell me. I don't know. There he is. Jimmy, thank you, Jimmy. Please don't stand up. No, please don't sit. Please sit down. Mr. Fallon. I beg you to sit down. Thank you to Sit Down. Love it. God, we saw the Olympics. It wasn't an intro, Jimmy.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
We really do, and just so you're not just hearing it from Jason, that you are the gold standard for us, and you're the guy that we always wanted to get. We talk about you all the time. Yeah, and... Honestly, this is a big deal for us.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You have to work at it. People go, oh, I don't have that. Sean's been focused on the pianist his whole life. Yeah. And I'm an expert.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I thought that was pretty good. It's a tough freaking crowd. We'll sweeten that in the edit. It's okay to laugh.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Again, down. But he's done so many things. No, she's not here, man. She didn't make it. She's working on her stuff. He's one of the world's most sought-after mentalists. He's worked with clients ranging from A-list celebrities, heads of state, Fortune 500 companies. Guys, please welcome the amazing Oz Perlman. Just to kick us off. Do a little something special for us. What? I didn't know.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Sorry, just to follow up on that, if you don't mind, Jesus Christ. Do you think, what was the moment where your dad, I mean, obviously you had incredible success in radio. Was there a moment where he, like, was there an actual moment where he went, holy shit, Howard?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
That'd be so great to just shoot some scenes today with Jeff Goldblum. Absolutely. From, right? And just put it on the internet? Yeah. That'd be a lot of fun. You want to know one of the most thrilling things in my career?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Way too much of your time. You're very kind to drive us. By the way... Do you feel we were a success? Yes. This is a great rehearsal. Oh, my God. We're going to record... Honestly.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
And you wrote so many questions because you were so nervous, right? Sean was upstairs and we were like, what the fuck? It's an hour.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Yeah, Jelly Roll. Please stick around for Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll is performing out there. We're so excited. Thank you, guys. SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbico, and Michael Granteri.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
That's the most surprised his face gets, by the way. You know, what do you think your face is doing right now?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
And you weren't allowed to talk about it too, right? At the very end there when you're on terrestrial radio, I remember that.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
He is the man. No, we feel very, very blessed that he, and we'll get into that in a second. Is that your intro? No. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Oh, I'm so bitter. So bitter. You talk about perfecting your craft. So how did you first meet the Whack Pack?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
It is. I want to know because you did. You found like the craziest group of people available and put them together. How did that come together?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Sorry. So everybody go ahead and put your car back in drive and toss that paper either out the window, if you still have an ashtray in the car, use that. Because we really didn't get an end to it.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Who was your main inspiration as far as developing that style of telling stories as opposed to jokes? Was it like a George Carlin? Because I seem to remember he was kind of like that too, right?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Right. I agree with you. Authenticity is a thematic that I'm on a project that I'm working on right now. That's the theme of the thing.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Oh my God. But they do separate them between clean and dirty on a cruise ship. That's exclusive to a cruise ship?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Wait, Willie, you got, when we had Jordan Peele on his film, Nope, I always just thought it was just a fun way to say, yeah, no, I'm not comfortable with flying saucers, says the main character, and this shit freaks me out. But it's actually an acronym for?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I don't think you've said this, but you have kids. Sorry, do you have kids?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Oh, that's great. 11-year-old daughter. And what does it seem like she's going to want to do with her life?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yeah, isn't that funny? It's like there's the age when they learn sarcasm, they learn humor, but they don't yet know when to stop the joke. They don't know when to do the joke. But you don't want to shame them because you don't want to kill their spirit or their sense of humor. So you just got to kind of grin and bear with so many things in their life.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
It's so incredible watching kids learn things that we forgot that we learned. You know, like it's amazing. You know nothing.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Would there be a crowd that's just too big for a comedy show? It needs to be a little bit more intimate. Like 20,000 people is like right at the max, maybe. Or no?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Well, no, what you were seeing was the same look that I had, which is a total shock at your level of intelligence.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Have you ever had a moment where you kind of scare yourself a little bit by thinking, thinking about all the eyes that are looking at you and that they're not talking and that it is silent and that you might not be doing well and you can't leave for another 45 minutes.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I mean, have you ever had a panic attack on a stage and know that you can't leave for another hour? I have.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Right, and you're right on the heels of standing back behind that flat, behind the band, right, that little narrow little plank, and the whole crowd is silent, and they're counting down to that live moment to America. Like, it becomes really tangible. Like, you're not just live in front of, you know, a crowd. It's beaming across, you know, the planet. Oh, yeah. Like, it's real tangible there.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I used to remember, like, 20 jokes when I was a kid. I used to love them. And now I can only remember, like, one or two. Go ahead and tell one. No, they're not that great. Go tell one, Jay. Do you have any jokes?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I do get a little tripped up. Do you have a joke from when you were a kid that you'll never forget? You may not use it in your act, but it's just like just a classic that was one of your favorites.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And what is the... This would probably be interesting for folks, including me. What are the... How do you do the economics of being a stand-up? I'm assuming you have to bear all the costs of the trucks and the infrastructure and all that stuff, And then you get to keep whatever you don't spend on what it costs to put the show up, right?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And you're making your money based on ticket sales and merchandise, perhaps? Full stop.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Tell them to join you out in Phoenix for some of the best pizza in the world as voted by the voters. By the people. At Chris Bianco's. At Chris Bianco's Pizza.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And those crispy noodles. The crispy noodles and the... Yeah, you get the crispy... Chin-chin. Listen, Sean, I don't have to tell you. Chin-chin. Chin-chin does the best one. Yeah. One of the best ones.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
What about Outback? They any good with the blooming onions? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go to Outback a good bit.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Cracker Barrel is one we didn't touch on. I've not been there, but I hear that's the one.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yeah, I can't see him getting upset. I'm sure you could figure out a way to piss him off. What would be your strategy if you really wanted to get Nate pissed off?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
No, I think he'd be very patient with that. I don't think that would be his button pusher.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
What is the thing that gets you guys to anger quicker than anything else? Stupidity.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
yeah people who are incompetent or like can't like like like don't have common sense about like easy things and then in the meantime i'm the dumbest person on the planet and i probably do the same thing yeah yeah yeah i hate when i hate when people like punch down you know yes like mean to people because they know yeah well that's yeah yeah so lazy yeah yeah it is
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Right, you have to do it on purpose. But yeah, a person who is much smarter or much more confident than they have a right to be is just grating. Because you have to spend an effort to convince them that you're buying it.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
The character that's just an alpha everywhere. And then the tough guy walks in and then they're beta. Hi, beta.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I think we should meet him in Phoenix and go get some of that Bianco pizza.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yep. Do you live in a nice house or are you in a nice hotel room? Where are you?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
When you are traveling around and you're doing these shows, what size is your group footprint? What's your posse size?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yeah, I don't know why I turned it on. The family's bored. The 30 men are getting itchy. There's no one in here. It's just you and Jim Benheim, right?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Is it next to New Hickory? No, New's a little bit farther. Was it ever New Hickory?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Everybody pull over and get out the pen. By the way, this is Shawshank Redemption, I think.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Every time I see magic, every time I see magic, I freaking love it. And I'll bet everybody listening loves it. I mean, how can you not love when you see a magic trick? I mean, a good one, if it's convincing. But I never think about it. I never, and I always make fun of it when I hear about it. It's like you hear about mimes. But you know what? You can't take your eyes off a mime or a magician.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
It gets a bad rap. You can't take your eyes off of my mind. Yeah, that's the quote of the day.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yeah, Sean, where do you get a load of her? He's going to love show business. He's going to love it. Two-thirds of the planet is water. No. There's a couple of polls.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And that was world history or American history? Both. Will loves himself some world history.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
So were either one of them particularly funny or funny enough for you to feel like, oh, maybe I'll be a stand-up? I got it kind of in my genes. No. No.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Okay, so you went in there and you really tried to be convincingly... Yeah, I had suicidal ruminations.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And then it went like after the first year, you guys you guys tossed that, right?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Did you have a staff that you handpicked or did they try to marry you with a bunch of more traditional writers and how did that all work out?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah. But he's implying that he would gladly pay a little bit to shut you up a lot.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I don't know, you know, when... They were probably going for something more traditional, something more familiar, recognizable because you're a major network and let's round the edges a bit. Yes. And you guys thankfully said, well, but... Because you guys famously did not start high up in the ratings. You probably figured, what? Give us a chance to grow and do our own thing.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
First of all, don't, Sean, you stupid son of a- I thought they were like- Sean, take a time out.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Oh, yeah. But Larry, Curb, correct me, has been on longer than Seinfeld was? Curb has been on for 24 years.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But it's a specific subset of our listeners that actually take the time to write something not so nice. Yeah. Is it a full representation of our audience?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You're making the people happy by you being cranky. It's so great. But do you notice that, honestly, that you get some stuff out there as this other version of yourself, and then your real life actually ends up being a little bit more placid and less dramatic?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
So then Larry, so the show has had this incredible, long, successful run. You've brought it to this beautiful conclusion. I'm not going to ask you, you know, what's next, but I would imagine that you're good, right? You you've worked your nards off for however many years at a really high level accomplished probably 10 times what you thought you would accomplish. Um, you feel satisfied.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Are there areas in your life that you would love to try to find equal success in or other areas of the business or different industries? No.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But truly, you do love football, and specifically, do you know about plays and all that stuff?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You guys running over bits? Yeah. Okay, so listen. So you set me up with saying something about Easter.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
From what I understand, if you just play Madden, you really learn quite a bit. So maybe try that. Get yourself a PlayStation.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I really don't like it. You know what I don't like is when people sing happy birthday to me. I don't know what to do. It's the worst, like, minute and a half.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I should have a chance to educate my decision about the way I'm going to spend my night.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Have I ever said, let's have a dinner party? Or let's say you have six, seven, eight people over. Would you then tell the other people who's coming? Yes. Yes. Exactly.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Go ahead. He's worked on it with Scotty all weekend. No, no, no. Let's hear it. No, no, no. This is going to be fun. No, it's not.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah, so Sean is trying to figure out what to do with the weekend to take full advantage of it.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
No, I don't read. Do you read nonfiction? Are you rereading stuff about world wars and things like that? Or you like good romance novels?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Absolutely. Did you guys find each other on the PB&J freak site? Well, that's fun because I love jelly. Where's your address? Why is that? It's not even that good. Yes, it is.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You can never take the shoes off? You mean even when you're sleeping? Yeah, showering, swimming, things like that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Did you have more fun here or on Morning Joe? I was so excited when I saw you on my favorite show, Morning Joe. Was it great? I'm so jealous you were on that set. Yeah, they're great. I want to go over there and say hi to those guys. Do you still golf, Laird? Oh, yeah. You do? Not today. It's rainy. Too wet today. Do you see these guys there ever? I do.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Will just went ahead and won it. Come on. He won it. He won the Pro-Am on Wednesday.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
How are you not invited to play at the pro-am? It's your own club, and you're a huge star. And then I'm there. Fucking ding-dong.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I'd love to spread a little of you on me. Like a food dating site. The two of us together would make a great meal.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I'll probably shoot 105. Just working, you know. I'm still out here humping, you know. Trying to dance as fast as I can.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
What are you doing in New York? I'm doing some crime drama thingamabob. That's why I'm growing out all this crap, beard and hair and all this nonsense.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Larry, I miss you. I'd love to have at least some food with you soon. Please say hi to Ashley. You're very nice to be doing this today with us. That was very kind of you. Very, very cool. I don't know what to say to that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You make it look very easy, and people need to know that it is not easy. They'll say, oh, he's playing himself. Guess what, guys? Not simple, incredibly talented. And I know it's not.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I love you! He's great. I think I really do love that man. I just love being around him.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I really, honestly, genuinely would love to be on a set with him. That would be really, really rewarding.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Maybe this was it. Maybe this was us working together. This was the beginning and the end of it.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Do you ever say that when somebody comes up to you and asks to be on Smart List and you say, yeah, why haven't we had you on yet? And meanwhile, you're thinking, we're not going to have him on?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Well, except for the Gottfried failed pilot, I guess. But we won't talk about that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Well, but he's not even two for three. Because it was just a pilot, never aired, you know?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Only been on two television shows, and they're both probably in the top ten ever in the history of television.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I don't think so. I think the story is that he deferred all the money because he just did it for the art.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Wow. Yeah, he just loved it. Didn't talk about it. No kidding. Yeah, we should call him back.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You know, no, seriously, somebody told me that and they promised me that they are aware of this information and they can prove it because they have an alibi. Bye. Bye. Bye.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I do like Jif. Scotty loves peanut butter. I would love to see a taste test between Jif and Skippy. Sorry, go ahead.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I didn't know you were going to be here that long. I am working remotely this week, yes, from Los Angeles, where it's got New York weather today. It's nice and rainy. I love it. We've had some nice rain. Warring rain. Do you guys like weather, or do you love this Southern California?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I remember when, yeah. What? When I was a kid, that was the only place to get privacy and I would do different things in the bathroom than stink peanut butter.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
How about 15 minutes? I apologize. It definitely comes out of your time, so that's a good thing. You're only going to be with us for another 45 minutes.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
That's your fault, probably, or Ashley's, right? You fed them, and now they don't forget that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And now... Why don't you make her eat outside with the dogs? That'll teach her, and she'll never do it again.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Larry, I'm so glad you're finally here. We just finally made your deal. It took so long. I know.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
God, your business affairs was just, I guess, was your agent just beating us up? What are you involved in business affairs? We're not. We're kidding.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
He was joking. By the way, you know, I... I get that a lot. A lot of surprise. Oh, sorry, it was humor? I really sneak up on folks. Check your six.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
If we have to. All right, so speaking of making deals, you made a Sean Hayes deal and got him on the show.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Will, did you ever get on that show? No, I was never asked. Yeah, me neither. Not once.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You know, it is true. Just about everybody in Hollywood has either been on that show or Law & Order. And not us. Although, Willie, you've done a Law & Order.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Well, it does sound like, I will say, it does sound like a really, from what I've heard from my friends that have been on the show, that it's like one of the greatest experiences. It's like up there with like Saturday Night Live. Like it's just an incredible group and you're improvising.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But I'll bet you've had some that have been like, forget it. I will sink in that atmosphere. I'm not coming on.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
What do you do about those who say, oh yeah, great, no, I love improvising, and they come on and they're just horrendous. Who has a conversation with them, you or the director? You mean somebody who we've asked to do it? To do it, and they clearly are way over their skis with improvisation. Do you do a, okay, guys, let's take a quick five?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And that's a hard note to give. What does that sound like? Do you pull that aside?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Don't do it. One of your great cast members, the fantastic, the incredible Vince Vaughn, who I just think the world of, he gave me a great note once when I was trying to improvise doing a job with him. We've done a couple of movies together. He was doing something genius, and then I said something, and he just stopped. He just looked at me and he said, do you think that's helping?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
It was Vince saying to Jason, shut your mouth and let me do my thing. What a gut punch.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
We're going to get you to the other side of that by the time we're done. Or not. But are you good about saying no? Or are you terrible? Do you say yes because you don't want to displease people?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah, good. That's a great quality. Oh, that's good. I mean, Will, we had a friend who told us once, look, if you don't want to do it tomorrow, right? If someone says, in a few months, you know, and you're like, sure, yeah. The better thing, if you don't want to do it tomorrow, say no today. Yeah. You know, even if it's a couple months in the future.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Isn't that great, Sean, how he just takes them just to the bus stop? Can't take them all the way to school like some of us.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But what about, you said, Sean said in the intro that you studied history to be a professor? No.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Because, yeah, you weren't doing that shit yet. Like, even Ali G, you weren't really, early on Ali G, you weren't really making commentary. You were just fucking with people.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
So I saw your wife last night. Yeah, that's what I heard. Yeah, and then she said to me, she's like, I like, because my hair's getting a little bit longer than I usually have it. And she goes, I like it that way. And then our friend goes, no, it's too long. It's, yeah, I don't like it like that. And then also proceeded to tell me that I was a little overweight.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Can I tell you, Sasha, I think I've told you this, and JB, you might know this, but I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, Please do. Here we go. They don't give a shit.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
It's not a position you think Sasha would have, but boy. No, it was years ago, right after it aired, and I want to say about 2003, 2004, something like that. You were still doing Ali G at the time. It was before Borat. And... I was at a party with, because he was on Arrested Development, with James Lipton. Jason, you were there too.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
And I had just seen it and I said to James Lipton, I go, oh, I saw you on L.A.G. and I said, God, that was so funny. The actor studio guy? Yeah. The actor studio guy, yeah. And he was on Arrested Development. He played the warden of the prison. Oh, that's great. Warden Gentiles? Yeah, that's right. I think that's right. And it's a really funny bit to have him as the warden, right? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
And the whole time he's really just trying to get them all to mount a play, like a musical. But he says, I said, yeah, so, you know, gee, God, that was so funny. He goes, I knew when he came in, I knew that it was a bit, and he went on this whole thing. And I just watch it and I'm thinking like,
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Somebody else. Wait, you know how I know that? Somebody else, Sasha, has told me that very same thing. That he turned back and said, this is the naked picture painting of my wife.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Oh, this is another guest at the party? Yeah, so this is the host. And I'm like, okay, well, that feels great.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
It's funny you mention reasonable, because I was going to say, as part of this, and the situation you described, you have to deal with a lot of people who some might consider to be kind of unreasonable, to be extremists of... in certain ways.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
And my question is, when you deal with all these people and you're revealing all this or pulling back the covers on all this kind of shit, do you ever have a moment where you go, you know what, this person is kind of a good person. They're just really, they've just gotten off on the wrong path. Or misinformed.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
I'm sure some of them are despicable, yeah, but just some are misinformed, but actually at their heart, they're kind of good people.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
But when you're done with your show. This is my plan. I was going to say this.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Thursday night. Because I'm getting in Wednesday. Let's do a Thursday night dinner. Either, Shawnee, at your apartment or somewhere. That would be great.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
No, look at Elon Musk, who consistently talks about free speech, and he'll do that, and then out of the other side of his mouth, he's sort of decrying the government for doing X, Y, and Z, or he's kicking people off, or he's muting them on Twitter. I actually don't want to talk about this. I don't want to give him any more airtime. The guy's such a...
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
in my opinion, so fucking unfunny it's crazy, which is, I think, the most damning thing about one of, no, a lot of damning things, but the fact is how profoundly unfucking funny he is is so astonishing.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
So thank you for all of that. I think you're right. Yeah, JB, we need to have that sort of, you need to be in there lampooning and really showing, shedding light on the hypocrisy alone is so fucking jarring, right?
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
I mean, it must be fun for you when you have those people say, when you put them in that position and then they say the thing that you're like, fucking hell, this is unreal.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Well, there's a freedom, but there's a freedom, too, if you think about it, because a lot of those times when you're shooting, especially some of the sort of, whether it's Borat or Brunner or whatever, you've created a character or multiple characters, right? But the people you're working with are not aware that they're in a scene in the same way, right?
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
So it's much— A, it's difficult because it's complete verite, right? You're actually in their real life, right? So you've got to not just convince the audience. You've got to convince the person you're dealing with in the moment that you're real, a real person, right? Yeah. So you've got to do that. And there must be a certain— I don't know, like making that leap is tough, I would imagine.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
We're all going to go. It's going to be nice. You're doing it for somebody else. Yeah. But why didn't we all do it later? What do you think your face is doing right now? It probably looks pretty pissed off. That's just gravity.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
We're going to have dinner, the three of us, then we're going to do Jack at JB. We already talked about it this weekend. So you're going to kill some time for me.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
No, I'm not coming. I'm not going to go to Long Island. I'm just going to be in the city the whole time.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
We worked it out. We worked this out. We have it all laid out for you when you come over. If you're listening out there and you want to grab a lunch or something, just let us know.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
You just want to pet him when you see him. He totally does seem like that. You're right.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Yeah, we'll see you at the Emmys, I'll bet. I hope they put, they should put that on the poster. I think it's excellent.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
But it'd be pretty fucking funny to have a quote from one of the stars of the film.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Yeah. I have to have... So I'm not... Because I have lost weight. I'm on a new thing, which is it's all about... Eating more and eating the right thing. And that's what I'm talking about. Losing weight unhealthily is not good. You can lose weight and also do it in a healthy way and look like this. How are you doing?
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
You know, steak okay? Yeah, a lot of steak and veggies. No starch, no bread, no nothing like that.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
No, man. A little bit of starch at lunch, a tiny bit, like a little bit of maybe a sweet potato, a couple pieces, maybe a little bit of rice, like that much. Yeah. A couple, yeah.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
One meal. To keep your metabolic rate going, right? Yeah, one. But it's not about, here's the other thing. It's not fast metabolism or slow metabolism, it turns out. Hot or cold. And what you need to do to keep your metabolism hot is you need to feed it with the right stuff at the right time of day. I went and saw this guy. Unbelievable. Yeah. Unreal. Is the guy you're dating? Oh, a nutritionist.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
JB, let's just get into your hairs midway short. Yeah, yeah. I know, look at that.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
I mean, we're just seeing each other. He, I mean, I met him right behind, you know, the party store on Sunset. Sure. So... Yeah. Oh, I know the guy.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
And he... No, anyway. How many times did he flash the brights? What was the code? It was Morse code, and I thought he said, help, and it was, can you help me with my pants?
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Now I don't feel so bad knowing it's Sasha. Now that it's Sasha, it's okay.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
You have the opening act. You make people wait. You have them 114. You have 230 opening acts. It's deeper than that. Hey, Sasha.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
And you're very familiar with it, Jay, because you actually worked there. So the first time you went down there to fulfill an obligation. Couples retreat.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
Sean, you told me once you walked out of a Ralph's with like 12 cans of tuna in your pants, right? Is that a true story? Did that happen? Sounds like a dream come true, yeah.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
He's defending himself. That's okay. Yeah. I mean, if the shark is eating you and you're just going, no, I didn't want to punch it in the nose. You can hurt me.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
But what if you said, have anybody ever done, and he goes, yeah, two people. And you said, like in a cave where he goes, no, I murdered them. This was above, this was not in the water. No, the night before I murdered them in the room. I strangled them.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
It doesn't count? No. So, Sasha Baron Cohen, let's drop the Baron, huh? Just to make me even more Jewish.
SmartLess
"Sacha Baron Cohen"
It's been coming up on a year since you've been growing that hair out and stuff. Longer than a year.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Okay. So I said to Jay, he was thinking of opening the first day gifts or whatever, you know, start gifts. And last night, I was with Will, Jason, and I said to Amanda, I said, the cookie thing, there's like a new place in New York that makes pie cookies.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Sarah Paulson, I want to talk about the fear of flying thing. You're my hero.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And you believe in all that stuff. I don't. I mean, I don't know enough about it.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
It's not a big deal. We're all good. We're blah, blah, blah, blah. But you know, but Sarah, do you have this too? Because I have a little bit of this too. The second you hear that, and right before the pilot speaks, you're like, oh Jesus, what is this going to be?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And they also make croissants stuffed with cookie dough. It's amazing. Jesus Christ.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
What if it's Sarah? What if you're like, how long have you been flying? And some 20-year-old is like, I'm just flown for one week.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
So if you got on the Uber and the guy started asking you a question, you would just stop him and say, check my profile. Yeah. Right?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
What if there was a box for smart list and you just checked it? I'd rather not chat today.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
So I love this stuff because you're not only afraid of flying, but clowns, sharks, bees, and then you have, what is it? Bees? Trypophobia?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
What if you had super tiny boxing gloves on and they did too and you're just like...
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
No, I want to talk about it. But I like this stuff more interesting because everybody knows who you are. Everybody knows your work. And I want to talk about that. But I want to talk about your tattoos first because you have a lot of them. And I want to know. I did not know this. We've got a little freak on our hands, huh?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Neck tattoo saved my life. But on your right forearm, it says, I love this. This is a Stephen Sondheim lyric.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I want to say it because I love it. It's from Sunday in the Park with George, right? Five, six, seven, eight. Anything you do, let it come from you, then it will be new.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You know what I mean? All right, let's get into Sarah Paulson and how you started. Sarah, I'm so sorry about your decision today to be with us. Florida, right? We're in Florida.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
This is fascinating. Your mom worked at Sardi's on Broadway, which is right next to the Hayes Theater.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Uh-huh. Wait, so Sarah, so telling me about that story about your mom singing?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
About your mom seeing a psychic at some point and telling what? And saying what? I knew you were going to say that. No, your mom when you were a kid.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Not anymore. But you knew at such a young age, because you went to the Fame School. Fame.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
So, wait, Sarah, so your mom, but your sister's a casting director. You're an actress.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Well, my sister kind of had a... Yeah, my sister did a little bit. She knew she wanted to be a cop. She was. Are you kidding?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You should give her another shot, Sean. So, and by the way, Sarah, do you play golf? If you play golf, I'll have my sister send you a shirt.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And now, a word from our sponsor. So wait, I want to know about... about Holland the love of your life well it's wedged just north of Belgium just south of Denmark considered part of the Benelux countries I want to know the fun story because I know a little bit of it but you were at a dinner party and you hoped she wouldn't be sat next to you or something and then
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
But instead of just challenging it, instead of living in separate dwellings, what about just living together but then sleeping in separate rooms? Right.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
That's what I'm doing. That's great. But, Jay, my thing is snoring. Do you snore or Scotty snores? He could bring down a building. Right. And I snore a little bit.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
No, he's going to get the newest, the greatest latest. He's going to try it. But he also has what we call the pot of life on his arm because of diabetes. What's that?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Wait, I want to know, like, I was going to go through all your stage stuff, like you did the Glass Menagerie opposite Jessica Lange. You were in a show with Jessica Lange. That's so amazing. And did Ryan Murphy see that and that's how he cast you in American Horror Story or did he see you in something else?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
But then like Nicole Wallace in Game Change. Fucking phenomenal. Absolutely incredible in that. Wait, Nicole Wallace?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You got to see Sarah Player. She's an unbelievable performance. Incredible.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And then when you played Marsha Clark, phenomenal, in the O.J. Simpsons thing.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Sarah, I read that after the OJ thing, Marcia Clark, you couldn't watch yourself anymore. Is that true and why?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
That's really nice, Jason. I have one last thing and then we're all going to let you go. So, Nicole Wallace, Marcia Clark, and then Linda Tripp. Crazy transformation. Incredible. Look, you completely disappeared as Linda Tripp. That was... And so, are you... I'm watching your career from outside going, oh, she's so phenomenal at...
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Wait, Wait, Sarah, before we go, before we go, I just want to know, because you're a creature of the theater like I am, super fast, funny, tragic theater story, anything happen either in this play or another one?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Listen, lady, early congratulations on your Tony Award. Yes, exactly. Incredible performance. We love you, and thank you for even showing up today.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
But there is, I mean, it's really cool. They call it the elephant room because Houdini, right, used to have this massive room underneath the stage that could hold an elephant.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Yes, where he raises the elephant from the thing. So they call it the elephant room.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I love that, honey. That's very sweet. Thank you. And I'm so glad you're there, and I'm so glad we saw it, and I can't wait to root you on. You were really great.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And by the way, and everything she's done, like you said, Jay, she doesn't, I know we say it a lot about a lot of people, but never terrible. Never terrible.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Do you want to hear my thoughts when I'm sitting at a red light? Can I guess? Yeah, you can guess. Is there a fart joke in here somewhere?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Are they old school best friends, she and Amanda Peete? Yeah, you watch them, it's like a ticket to a free show. They just like go, go, go, and it's fun and engaging and charming. Yeah, it's great. Well, I know. I said it already to her, but I'm really excited about her and the award shows coming up for her in New York. I think she's going to kill it, and I'm so glad she was here.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Just a fucking... Oh, is there an elephant one? No, no, no. Yeah. I was like, ba-da-da-da. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Hey, Sean. Hey. You know, the theater, the Tabasco Theater that she's in is actually.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Yeah, the Belasco, sorry. The Belasco Theater she's actually in isn't one of those big theaters like where you. No? Yeah, you can see everything in close. You don't need to sit in the back with one of those opera, you know, things, those, you know, what do they use to see real far in a theater? You can pull up. Oh, like binoculars. Binoculars. Wow, Will is really low on the binoculars.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
So I don't want a phone taking all that away from me. Hot fudge, caramel, fuck it both. Hot fudge, caramel, fuck it both. All right, anyway, look it. We're not going to solve it today, but it's food for thought. This is someone who's as delicious as glazed her cake. She is extraordinary. She is a hoot and a half, a real firecracker. She has a Starburst tattoo on her right foot. What? Yes.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
As an actress, her body of work is ridiculously vast, and yet she's still younger than any of us. Known in Hollywood for her transformative character work and strength on screen, you might be surprised to learn that her fear of flying... goes as far as needing to meet every pilot before takeoff to assess their skill set.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
When not in the cockpit, you could probably find her working on a Ryan Murphy project or 12 of them. It's the lovely and delightful and our good friend, Sarah Paulson.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Oh, really? Yeah, okay, so talk about that, because we were like, it's spelled the same, and I was like, oh, I didn't know this. It's true. So are we supposed to think that it's both appropriate and appropriate?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Well, what do I say? I don't know what I say. What do I do? All right, so I'm going to finish my peanut butter, which is probably really annoying to hear me chew a peanut butter sandwich. What might be a little better is... This is my apple juice. Guys, if this episode of Smart List is as delicious as my lunch is right now, you guys are fucking set. Welcome to Smart List. Smart List.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Wait, so I want to do, so we went backstage. First of all, go see the play. It's amazing. You're phenomenal in it, especially that last monologue was incredible. You're standing on the stairs and it's like you're Scarlett whatever and you're just like, it's incredible. It's incredible. Thanks, Sean. It's really, really great. That's very kind of you, Sean. By the way, I love that thing too.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
People were like, you know, I was talking about it afterwards to friends and
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
that thing about it's too long to go into what the whole play is about because it's about a lot of things but um your character with your two brothers go back to uh your the home where your where your father died and you're sorting out business and you find all of these um questionable things in his past like pictures of things and other stuff
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Um, so Jason's describing his first day of work, which is tomorrow at a fish market at two in the morning is to shoot and, and a real fish market that's smelly and stinky.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
that bring up a bunch of questions about your family and your upbringing. And at the end of the play, I thought it was so profound when you were like, and please fill in the blanks, but you're talking to your two brothers and you're like, I'm the oldest of this family. I got to hold you and watch you and see all of the things that create your memories.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I'm worried. I thought you were going to say, I don't want to know if you're in the play tonight. Well, that too.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Nikki, do you allow yourself to think, because you were saying earlier that you're really happy with where you find yourself, like you've got the right amount of, you've got an amount of relevance that you really enjoy, but also a nice amount of anonymity where you still, you know, you can go to the grocery store, et cetera, et cetera.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Do you allow yourself to think forward, you know, a year, five years, 10 years? Do you allow yourself to think about goals and stuff like that? Where do you want to go? Do you
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Oh, sorry, Jason. Go ahead. Well, so what they do in the fashion world is they'll go ahead and they'll make stuff just for the fashion show. This Henley, for instance, can't be found.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I mean, I was a child. But, but so, so then if Nikki, if you're manifest of the net, then you are allowing yourself to dream a little bit of the future. Yeah. And what does it look like?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I do. I mean, I sort of keep an eye on where I'd like to maybe be headed towards, but it's not that specific. It's just I just want to be challenged with stuff that is right at the edge of what I'm able to handle. And I know that there's going to be a day soon where I'm like, fuck this. Throttle back and just relax and And so I know that's going to come.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So while I'm actually feeling this fuel, why not let it go? Feel exactly the same way. Drive towards it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, where did that... Were you living... Was your family super encouraging of your humor? And like, was mom and dad funny? Were your siblings like, where did the confidence come from that like, oh, you know, if I think of something funny, I should share it because that usually works out.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So then you found then that the thing that was bumming you out internally was actually material and that that is like it actually becomes an asset to you and that vulnerability is one of the huge keys to comedy. You know, you got to pull your pants down a little bit. There's nothing funny about no problem.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Look how quick Will Ferrell takes his shirt off. It fucking works every time. I fucking love him for it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You don't need to. You're not a model. Stop saying that. Everybody does. I think you're super cute.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, a little bit. There's something kind of... Yeah, but what's that quote? Doesn't matter where you go, there you are. Yeah. You're going to feel the same no matter where you go. I agree. That is true.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Oh, my God. Nikki Glaser. Yes, she is. Good morning. Hi, guys. Wait, are you in the back of a coffee shop? Where are you?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And that acting desire you said, just sort of atrophied way back when and there's no desire there at all?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, being on set can be very boring, exactly. And on the road is easy for me.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Also, just the creative difference of an actor has to fit lines that were written before they come in. So your job is to fit a pre-existing character and line. As a stand-up, it's the total opposite. You are already there and then you're writing lines to fit you. That's what I like about it. Yeah, okay.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, leave yourself open for all of it because you seem incredibly dynamic and well-suited for all opportunities.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
What does that mean, breaking down stand-up? You mean like talking about it? The science behind it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You're infectious. You're very, very clean, honest sort of energy coming out of you. Oh, thanks.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Thank you, Nikki. Thanks, Nikki. Bye. Have a great rest of the day. Bye, sweetie. Bye.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, that was super fun. I'm embarrassed to say that's my first experience with her. And wow, what a force. Only my second? I'm a huge fan of hers already.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
She's got specials on Netflix that I can like immediately pull up. She's got a special on HBO and Comedy Central.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I bet she would be great in movies and she doesn't need to act. It's like five people that act. Most of us just play versions of ourselves and I'd love to see a million different versions of her. Yeah, but she'd be great. I agree.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Sean, do you have a... Sean, are you frozen? What's going on? He's just trying to shuffling through buy ideas.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Let's do it. it's very good i just wish you would have just owned it i was setting you up apologized for it why didn't you just you're just sitting there and we know you looking at your list he was looking at a list that he had on his computer of buys standbys i just yeah guys i found fucking fuck what is happening nightmare will you have can you take us out like like we should you got anything
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, I guess that's alarming. It's not errors at third base. You know, you got that Nolan Ariando over there, you know?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Can we revisit my lesson on Kansas? Kansas City. Kansas City. And Missouri.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because I was so shamed by it, I went into sort of a blackout, and I don't really remember what I learned. Just real quick. Don't do this to yourself. No, it should be fast. Kansas City is in Kansas or in Missouri. It's both. So it straddles the border between the two states.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They're next to each other. Is there a picture of it, Sean? Does it straddle the border? Let me see. Yeah. And if so, like where?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I don't know. I can't tell. One has meth, one has the chiefs. Well, wait, who has the royals?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Right, so Kansas City, Missouri is for the Chiefs. Kansas City, Kansas is probably for the Royals, correct?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Jay, do you have a guess? I'm still writing it, but it's somewhere in the Star Wars, Star Trek fight canon, you know?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I feel good about it. JB, how are you? I'm still a little confused. I'm going to do a separate Google later.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Hey, everybody. It's a podcast. It's Smartless. And you have hosts, Sean, Will, Jason. Here it comes.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
He's had a lot of bumps. He took a lot of bumps. Sometimes I put them all together and make a nice fat lie. Sure, sure. Oh, I remember the days.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
The reason I've never seen a roast, I think, is because I get so tight because I think that poor person is going to have all these very good-natured jokes, right? They're hard-hitting jokes, but everybody knows the game here is that we're going to say nasty things about it. But like... for the most part, that person doesn't know these people.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so like, where do these, I just don't know how that goes down okay for the subject of it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But can you say no to even, to being there? Like basically not be attending your funeral effectively. No, no, no, no. So you have to be there. I think you have to be there. No, you have to be there.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But then the person has to like pretend to laugh the whole time and pretend to be kind of like okay.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And that's really the only way to get to the huge laughs, too, is when it gets super uncomfortable, right?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I feel like that Tesla super truck or whatever the hell it is, it looks like an absolute joke rolling around the roads.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So it helps. Right. Does anybody know if any of these roasts have ever gone wrong where the subject just like says, whoa, whoa, whoa, fuck you and gets up and leaves?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But no one's ever gotten up and stopped it in the middle of it and just like left and just gotten pissed.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Hey, Sean, was Scotty just in a violent rage throughout the whole William Shatner roast?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I've heard, again, I don't want to get too much, because we do love the Black Rabbit we want to talk about. We're all so excited for Black Rabbit. There's time to talk about that. That's a year from now. I will say, again, this is the highest compliment from JB. He talked about your stamina and your ability to show up on set every day and deliver in every way. I've never seen him so impressed.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I've never seen him so impressed, Jude. Honestly, again, I'm going out of my way here, but it's so true.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
If you can turn those around to me, Jude. Let's not turn this into a work session, okay?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Well, my doctor told me that. Who's the guy you found online? Put it this way. What's your cholesterol and what's mine? And you're the one who like eats all this shit. And what's yours and what's mine? My cholesterol is horrendous. Yeah. Mine is too. Because it's in my family. Yeah. Mine's 90.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Okay, well, Jude, let's talk early days as you started as a performer. So we know where you've been and where you are now, but let's flash back to when you were a kid and the first time you said, Mom, Dad, I want to perform, or somebody said, Jude, you need to perform. What was the thing? Were you attracted to it? Did somebody notice it in you? What was the thing? How did it?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
This is great. What I'm realizing also about your friendship with JB is that he hasn't asked you any questions about your life in all the time that you've known him.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
He's like, do you have a sister? Did you finish high school? How the fuck would you not know that already?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
You know, we got work to do. It's called just human irrationality. It's just called being interested in somebody else other than yourself. Nah, I gotta scroll through my phone in between takes.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah. And... No brain? Yeah. And completely empty? Yeah. Sir, can we talk to you for a second? Yeah. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
So, Jude, but that decision to go and do, to go do a television program or stay in school, when I hear you say it and I think about wanting to be a performer and being 17, like, that's kind of an easy decision. Like, hey, do you want to go do it? Yeah. Or do you want to stay in school? I really love school.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Well, Wilde, you got... That was the first, like, you got a little... You got some recognition for that performance in Wilde. Yeah. That kind of, like...
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
put you up a notch yeah I got those you know newcomer awards right and you know welcome to the gang awards kind of thing yeah that's well that's kind of good though I mean that's kind of when you're a young actor I mean it's meaningful yeah totally
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
They said there's no heart. They just found a box with a picture of a heart in it.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Not if I release Sean's texts. I think it's going to be... It's going to be immediate. I could use any... Jude, I will... So, Jude, then... Because I'm kind of building towards this, which is the film I think that I first...
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
that I, as a consumer and a film goer, and as a young actor, you know, looking, aspiring to do stuff, noticed you in a film that I, to this day, adore, and talk about science fiction, a really pure, I think one of the great science fiction films, Gattaca. You and Ethan. That performance, that film.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Andrew Nichol. What an incredible, Andrew Nichol, amazing filmmaker. But that film was really remarkable. Talk a little bit about that, would you?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
At that point, you were just happy it wasn't raining. I think, you know, you talk about Ethan. First of all, I do want to say this. We've had him on the show. We're such fans. I think he is such an unheralded artist. And I don't usually use that word as much because sometimes it makes me cringe. But he is such an artist, that guy. And he is... and started, you know, young, as we know.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
He was a child actor. We're talking about Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke, yeah, sorry, Tracy. We're talking about Ethan Hawke. He's one of those guys, he could have, if he'd had more artistry, Jason could have been him, but he's one of those, and I say that, Jason, and I love what you do. No, it feels like a compliment. No, it is. I just gotta kind of look into it a little bit.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
No, but he's kind of like, I really do. I love, A, all his performances are so good and so raw and amazing. And I love his approach and hearing him talk about art. So when you told me that you learn a lot, I believe that. I believe that that relationship was inspiring.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
But, and I think, yeah, you know, it's funny. You do have that, again, as a consumer of it and somebody who watched it and adored it. To me, it was a hit in the sense that it worked and it was brilliant and all that kind of stuff. So I walked out of the theater with whomever and say, like, God, that was an incredible film and blah, blah, blah.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
So I sort of put it in that place that it's an incredible film. Mm. I don't know if the accountants... Funny that, right?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Oh, all these shows. What's the show? Suits. Suits has had this thing where everybody's, people are like, oh, have you watched Suits?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
You know what? I'm going to go. I was just going to say this, which is, so you do Gattaca and you come out and it brings you out here and it kind of introduces and brings you to Hollywood. And then what was the gap? You did that and then you did, I want to say that you did, well, the time between that and Talented Mr. Ripley.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Because those were both late 90s films that were really amazing, impactful films.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
He's a little, I mean... He's not bright, but... No, he's not bright. Matt's really not that bright. He's really hot and cold, let's be honest. And he blew it. He blew it at Wordle this morning. I will say this. I busted two days ago. I bet you did too. I did not. Everybody else busted on that day and I did not. I got a six.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
No, no, no, no. I'll tell you right now because Bob texted me about it and he was like, what did you get today? Have you tried Quartle? Oh, my God. Don't get him started, Jude. I do Quirtle, Octurtle, and Wordle, all three, every morning with Matt and two other guys. Every morning for three years. That's consistent. Every morning.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
So, get back to your guest. Wait, so you do a couple of tumbleweeds, and then you do Ripley. Did you know Anthony Minghella before? No, he...
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
But you're down there, sorry, I just want to say, oh God, this is so delicious to me.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I've been in love with Jude since we had that dinner over at our buddy's house a few months ago. What a great dinner. You were there too. I thought it was a table for two. We were all there. That was a great dinner. So it was you and Matt and Gwyneth Paltrow and Phil Hoffman.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
The great Phil Hoffman, Kate Bunchett. I mean, and then Antony Minghella directing, and you're in Italy, and my question is, when you do something like that, it's kind of like the Gattaca thing in a way, but it's different. Are you able to, in the moment, Did you appreciate it? Did you have moments where you went like, man, this is really amazing? Or not?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Sean, did you get the shingles vaccine? I did. I did. Yeah. Did you, Willie? I have not.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
JB, but also not just the volume, but how different a lot of them have been tonally.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
She's an absolute comedy titan. I mean, Melissa McCarthy is great. And also, by the way, it should be mentioned, our good friend, my good friend, Jason, yours too, Pete Serafinowicz is in that film as well. Yes. The lovely Pete.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
He's so good. By the way, a great pizza story. Last year, I hadn't spoken to him in about 18 months, maybe almost two years. And we were quite good friends years ago. I mean, we still are, but we sort of hadn't talked to each other. And out of the blue, I texted him, so what else is going on? And after a while, I saw that it had been a couple years.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
What was the camera for? Because I noticed the camera this morning when I woke up. That was my bad. That was my bad. I forgot to take it down. Okay.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
How often would you say, in any given week, do you have a conversation at least with a doctor? Oh, God, on a weekly basis, for sure. So it's at least once a week. At least once a week, you're interfacing with a doctor via text or call or in person.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
God, he, fuck G, what a shot in the nuts. He did your thing for the money. Dude, you're in love with the guy, you've had a great experience, and he only did it for the fucking dough.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Is it one of those because you thought like, fuck, if this guy could do it, then anybody could?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I get that. That makes sense. It's not as scary. If this simpleton, if this... No, I talk a little bit about it because he is, and Jason is, and we are so proud of him. We love him dearly, and we're so proud of what he's been able to do. What it was like working with Jason as a director.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Talk a little bit about that because we do talk about it, but we haven't had anybody on here really to talk about that experience.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
We can keep going. Yeah, JB, do you have that a little bit of like, I can't believe I got the keys to the car here.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
That's really funny. Well, I will say before you'd actually directed before, but I will say for our experience of working on Arrested Development, Jason was the ultimate team captain. And I also learned a lot about what it takes to be a captain. You should be doing it too.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
No, but what it takes to be a captain from that guy, potentially the only thing I learned because he has nothing else to teach you. I can get you to 10. You can count to 10 if I can teach you. What's your impression, Jude, just a quickly thin slice of Sean? Take a look at him over there. I look like a thin slice of white bread. I mean, be honest.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah, it's unbelievable. Well, I tell you, when you don't want some purple falls, when our guest is performing, because you want to be wide awake for this person's work. And I tell you, millions of people have been wide awake watching this guy. He's been, I'm going to say this, he's been dazzling people for a long time. David Copperfield. Well, his... David Blaine.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
They said, yeah. And was the reaction from the crew when he came to it, was it like, now we got a director on set? Now we can get going.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
But by the way, if I don't do it, if I didn't say that, Jason would call me after and say, are you okay? Like, are you sick? Yeah, you were a little sluggish.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
And so it's not just for the viewer, too. As an actor, when you're performing, you're actually seeing that. You're experiencing that as well.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I will just say, Jason, you might want to be careful because this person knows a lot of your secrets. Oh. Okay? This person knows... Papa? This person knows a lot of the stuff that you've... Papa?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I want to go back to... Sean, you can do one where you have your dad like he's there. Oh, man, could you imagine? I don't think there's screens made enough. And you can have it so that he's not leaving. He's staying. You can just put the screen on pause. He's not leaving your family. Wait, before we get out of the skeleton crew world to talk about, who else is in that with you?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
He's a lovely guy. I met him a couple of times. He's really cool. I'm a big fan of TV on the Radio. Yeah, me too.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Jude, when you named all those... Nick Frost. Is Nick Frost in it? Nick Frost is the voice of a droid. Oh, I love Nick Frost. Nick Frost is one of my favorite... Sorry, Sean, he's one of my favorite of all time.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
been up to especially recently because this person is is somebody who has been in and out of your world i'll just say this this is i again i always feel like with my guests it's hard to start you know naming their credits because you're just gonna you immediately you're gonna go why is this person my guest then you say i know this person you do and they could be your guest because i wanted to kind of surprise you
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Are you particular about your food? Like, do you eat quite healthily, et cetera?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Hey, man, we're not doing non sequiturs at a left field right now. I love lamb. You know what? I had lamb last night. I want lamb chops.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
No, I had lamb at home here, yeah. And you know what? I was really upset. Was it a lamb shank? They were lamb chops, and I didn't have any... Somehow, there was no mint jelly or mint sauce.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah. I just, I really need it. You know, Jude, we, honestly, I don't know about you guys. I mean, we could just keep this going forever, probably. I told you. I know. Jason, you were so right. We're going to save this for the wrap-up, but he is something else. Jude, what an absolute delight. We have kept you awake. For me, too.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Go see anything that Jude's in. Go see it. Go watch it. Go stream it. Go see it. Jude, you are a gentleman. Thank you, sir. Take care. Thanks, buddy. Bye. Do I do that? He did it. He did it.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
You really did. And you, and you, and it was unsolicited. Like you would just be like, God, that's your law. While you were making it from every stage of it, you're like, God, this guy is great. God, you know, blah, blah, blah. Like you were just, and you meant it. Yeah. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I really urge people, and again, I've waxed on a lot about it, but that film is really a remarkable film. It's really good. And Jude is so... It's hard to imagine... that it's one of the first things he did because he's so excellent in it.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Never, ever. You're exactly right, Jamie. He's in the John Goodman school. He never, ever sucks. Ever.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Uh-oh. Because this is somebody who has... This is somebody who's been doing... This is somebody who's been doing the kinds of films that we... Jay, this is the kind of thing for you that fits in. Like, they're doing the kind of thing that the tastemakers like and, like, all those kind of words that you like. There's not much disdain he has for that.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah, I was so happy to be able to have him because obviously he should have been your guest, but I was happy to... Well, I wanted him a long time ago before you guys started working together. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. So I wanted him a long time ago, and then it just sort of, this is when it happened. I'm glad that we made it through the entire interview without talking about fucking Robert Downey.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
You know what I mean? Oh, that guy. Yeah. About Sherlock. Because Downey has gotten so much fucking free air. I'm so mad at Downey. Because why? Just in general. Just because. Just success. The success. His success. And I know he's very deserving of it, blah, blah. But I'm just kind of, you know.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Opinions. Yeah. He'll call me. You want to talk about FaceTime. Downey FaceTimes in a way like it's so out of the blue. And then he's in the bath. And he'll go, you know, I was thinking what you should do. And I'm like, fucking what, man?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I do love him. I do love him to death, though, I will say. He's doing a big play. Go see his play. Go see McNeil with our good friend Robert Downey. I think it's probably closed by now. Well, it depends when this airs. Oh, yeah, it depends on when it airs. Lincoln Center. But I tell you what never closes is Jude Law's talent. Oh, so good. That is open. It's always open. Always open, 24-7.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Think about... Jay, you said... And Sean, you named it. Think about all the different films that he's... When I was thinking about... But you're not even touching his theater. I know.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah, yeah. Or maybe one. I mean, he's just done... We did not mention the Sherlock Holmes films, which were major, major hits. Road to Perdition, you ever seen that? Incredible. Yeah, so good. Cold Mountain, he got an Academy Award nomination for. That was amazing. AI, he was in that film AI. Yeah, I love that. Like 20 years ago. Enemy at the Gates, you ever seen that film?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Enemy at the Gates, where he plays, I think he plays like a sniper in Stalingrad. Is that the one? Oh, wow, really? No, I haven't seen that one. Oh, dude. I'm up for all the same parts all the time.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
You know what? I haven't heard of it. I wonder who all those were written. Those are out now. I wonder who they were written. Those were written.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
And, you know, because there are films in there... This is somebody who's been nominated for Academy Awards... Golden Globe Awards, BAFTAs, Olivier Awards. I don't know anybody who's fancy. He's done television. He's played the Pope. He's been in Sherlock Holmes. He's been in Talented Mr. H. I was wanting to get to, and he's Jason's co-star and collaborator on Black Rabbit.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
And he should be your guest, but I wanted him because I wanted to surprise you, JB, with your guy.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Jude, he has been singing your praises since you guys started working together. And I'm not, honestly, I'm not making it up. He cannot speak more highly about, and he has generally disdain for people. Most people.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Well, what's so unusual is that Jason has allowed himself to get attached to you because I have heard him describe, and this is true, and I really, this is true. He described recently to somebody, and this really, again, is going to give you a lot of info about who JB is.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
He talks about how when he starts a job with people, he tells himself not to get too attached because he knows he's not going to see them again. And so he builds in a distance with people so he won't get hurt. Am I right, JB?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I haven't seen it and haven't seen the trailer. I saw the one sheet. It looks really... Just the poster alone looked really cool. Yeah. And, you know, and I think that you're like holding a gun in it or something like this. I see it a hundred more times. Talk a little bit.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Well, just if you can, just because we're on this, to talk a little bit about the order and how it kind of came into your world and what it was about it that you're like, oh, yeah, this is something I've got to do. Because I don't necessarily associate you with as a sort of like a gun wrangling, like, you know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I have not. What did you have, Willie? I had one cup of oatmeal made with water and some berries.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Well, I think, first of all, I think we do know, and they tried even into the 90s. I was thinking about Ronan, you know, that great De Niro, Frankenheimer movie. Amazing. Again, trying to extend that idea, even out of sight with Clooney and those guys in Soderbergh.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah, like all those movies tried. But I think that what happened was, and I think I mentioned this before, we've spent the last at least decade kind of under the tyranny of IP. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
These films that were made, that were made, all the studios owned all this IP, and they're like, how can we squeeze as much as we can out of this IP, whether it's this for people like Sean and Scotty, ruined the movie business, because that's what they wanted. I think they're trying to hedge their bet, and you're like saying...
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Yeah. I had a few berries with it and then a drizzle of maple syrup, pure maple syrup for taste. I love a drizzle ever again. Yeah. And then I had five scrambled eggs. Jesus, my chest hurts. Five eggs? Your chest shouldn't hurt. It's not bad for your chest.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
I hope they save the planet Lindelorm because that's where the, you know. Careful. Jude's got a Star Wars thing coming up. Yeah, I can't wait. It's called Skeleton Crew. I can't wait. Excluding Jude. I didn't talk about Star Wars. Not Jude, Star Wars. Anyway, I think that that is why. But I think you're right. There's an appetite for this kind of thing.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
It'll come back. It'll come back. I think it does come back. I mean, you're talking a lot about, I suppose, mainstream pop music. There is a huge appetite for it, and there's a very thriving indie music, certainly. I'm like such an old-school, 90s dinosaur indie fan.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
But that has kind of come back. There's a lot of guitar-driven music out there that's excellent. Yeah. A lot of great American bands and, you know. So, Jude, how are you today? Hey, F you, Sean.
SmartLess
"Jude Law"
Hey, do you guys want to hear my impression of Sean and Scotty going to the movies again? Yeah, please. I hope that they find, I hope he knows that his dad actually came from Scotland Square. Do you know that his dad was in the other, and his key came from Scott Asgore, too.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Did they say, why are you speaking to us like a four-year-old? I have to make bye-byes.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Yeah. I love Portobello. On a Saturday? On a Saturday? One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life was a guy, we were walking down Portobello Road on a Saturday. Who's we? Who's we? I guess it was Chappie and me probably. Yeah, there we go. Got it. Because he lives up in Queens Park. No, I know. Just need to get Chappie in one more time. I know. And so this is my friend, Mark Chappell.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
They know he's a friend of the podcast. That's two. That's three. Yep. And so we're walking along, and we see a guy, beautiful Saturday, and we see a guy in like an orange, like an orange sherbet-colored Lamborghini with the top down. And you know that road is like so packed on a Saturday, right? And those stoplights, like just before you start getting down into Portobello Road.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
And this guy comes along. He's at the stoplight in this orange thing, and everybody's looking, and then the light goes green, and he guns it like, and he's only got about 70 yards to go, and the next light is red. He has to stop, and everybody collectively laughed at this guy in his face. It was so good. It was so, so good. Anyway, Union Tavern. Okay.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Daisy, he wants to know, she's not too embarrassed to ask, which of the planets is real? LAUGHTER What's your favorite planet? Who is your favorite Slush Boulevard?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
It is Emerson. No, no, no. I'm not. I just thought that you knew. I thought you knew everything about me.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
You'd have a tough time. They'd have a tough time shooting around your boner, I guess. No full shots. Wide angle. Guys, we're going to go a little tighter again. We're going to pick up all the whites at the end of the shoot, I guess. Fucking first six weeks are just coverage.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
J.J. 's okay. J.J. 's okay. Well, we don't want him to get too far over his skis because we know he's listening. He's just like, J.J., cool it, all right?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I was saying to you when we were flying to New York, I was like, I pointed out the window, I go, there's a whole...
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Are you kidding? You guys won't even go to fucking La Cienega. You think you're going to go to the Orient Express? It's like five blocks away. If anybody's going, it's me. Go ahead.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
whole world out there yeah i want to get it i was saying to somebody yesterday i want to get into the world it's all i want to do wouldn't it be fun to all go the three of us and our significant others to go like do like an adventure like that just for like the weekend yeah but can it be higher end than than paddle boarding down a um rail it's not paddle boarding yes we can do something we can do something a little more significant you know you know one of the things
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Should I take a guess what you had? Hoodie? hoodie and a Chicago Cubs t-shirt. Yeah, with a cardigan underneath it.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Anyway. Sorry, Daisy. Daisy, I'm so fucking sorry. This is just terrible. Let's start over. I want to know. Let's just start over.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Talk about the American accent, Daisy. When was the first time that you can remember doing it? Maybe not even in a role. Do you remember the first time you tried it?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
that we should talk about, but probably not on the podcast, but I'm gonna do it anyway, is Sean and I were talking with the ladies, i.e. your wife, JB, and my significant other, Alessandra, and the ladies. I think we can include Scotty in there as a significant other. Well, Scotty was there too, and then our other female friend who's an advisor to the podcast, who has a lot of opinions. Amanda.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So now you're lost kind of in between and sort of... Yeah, I'm like, who am I?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Yeah. When you work on an accent, so do you do it, were you doing it kind of, well, obviously, like you said, you did during lockdown and then you kind of work on it as you're leading up and then work every day on that scene sort of as you're getting ready, working with the dialect coach?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
This is the only thing we've never had to explain to her. This is how much she loves it.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No, no, no. Oh, that person, yes. And I said, you know, we ought to go to, because they want us to come, then we can talk to our buddy Mitch Rose. We ought to go to Australia at Christmas, which is their summer, which I've never done, and do the tour and do like Sydney Opera House. Yeah, and I've never been.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Bulgaria. Okay. Yeah. Does that track well? That tracks, yeah. No, Sophia's the capital. Keep going.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Sean Patrick Hayes. Yeah. And JB, what's yours? Let me guess yours. It's something. It's something. It's very. It's like.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Siobhan Marie O'Connor. If you see her on the street, approach her and congratulate her on the Olympics. Yeah. That's so cool. So when you're working out with somebody like that who is quite legitimate, like an Olympic swimmer who's won medals... Do you get motivated by how good she is? You're like, I'm exhausted, but I don't want to let her down, so I'm just going to keep going?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Sean got ill once swimming, but it's because he ate a pound of gummies too soon before he went in the pool.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So this is what I was going to say. We go there, and then we do the beach. They don't have any beaches in Australia. Are you crazy? No, it's all landlocked. And we go to, like, the Gold Coast somewhere, and we do, like, a week of, like, incredible beach.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I'm terrified of heights. There it is. Daisy, what were you calling it? You were calling it what?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
You mean the California beaches? I'm talking about tropical beaches. First of all, Sean, nice try. You might as well still live in Chicago. Okay? Because you go from your fucking house to fucking Larchmont, and that's it. Give me a fucking... You could live... It could be anywhere. You might as well move into a mall. I mean... Inside, okay?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Huge fan, like crazy fan. Sean, one Star Wars question. We'll let you have one.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Then you and Scotty can do the fucking laps to the food court. What I'm suggesting is... I'm so white, it's true. We go to Australia or somewhere like that and we go somewhere that we wouldn't normally go that's out of our comfort zone, that's why. And then we do a full beach experience. I actually would like that.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I'm excited for that. I do want to see that. I mean, I'm scared as well of that. open water even watching somebody like those films did you ever see the movie open water no what was the one that was that one from years ago below dead calm below deck on bravo oh it's below deck okay sorry it was a different show different show
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
How did they have the time to write the screenplay before they died? Yeah. Because if they say it's a true story, how the fuck do we know?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So who's working on a buy? I mean, I think everybody's always working on it, but don't ask why. Everybody's working on a buy. Yeah. And then... Since the dawn of time, you know?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armcharf, Bennett Barbico, and Michael Graff.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
It's not that crazy. It's 6.27. Yeah. What do you think? She's on Mars? Daisy Ridley, welcome to Smart Listen Secrets. Thank you.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Daisy, do you think we should go to Australia for Christmas with our families?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
And you've got no skit in the game on this one? Oh, yes, sure. No, sure I do. Oh, do you? Well, explain to us just for full disclosure.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Wait, did you produce it? He's the executive producer. Oh, I didn't know that.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No, we have to watch it. You kept winking at Daisy. That's a tick. Be sensitive.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
That show was so related because we all knew that thing of when your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. You feel like you're always stuck in second gear. It hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. Oh, my God.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No, that song is omnipresent. It was in the 90s. No, it's not. Inescapable.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I want to say closet. I love Friends. I love the Friends. Daisy, you love Friends too, right?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
All the Brits love Friends. I love all the Friends, and I love the show, and I love our Friends. I haven't watched, I'm embarrassed to say, I haven't actually watched a ton of the show, but I know that song because it was everywhere.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No, but I have dropped that on the girls before. Yeah. I have done that to Jen and gone like, I know, I feel you, you know, your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA, and she's like, fuck off. Sorry, Daisy. Wait, wait, Daisy, let's go back. So your mom worked in publicity, maybe did some stuff for Channel 4 and things.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
But so what was the moment you go, you're like, Mommy, I need to... Oh, my God. I can't do that nowadays. You did. You did. Mommy. Yeah, what was the first thing?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I went to boarding school and I was not kicked out. I make this distinction. I was asked not to return. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
But you were good. If somebody wanted to come in for a cheeky pint, you could just serve them up nicely, right? And then send them on their way. Cheeky pint.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
A lot of Brits say Bowie. Oh, I didn't hear that. I'm here to translate for you, Daisy.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And did they invite you to audition, or did they just say, we've seen enough, let's make them writers?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Did all three of you audition to be performers? Or were they just like, we just want to be writers. You can be the performer.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Um, and he said, uh, you want it? For a t-shirt? He paid a lot of money for a t-shirt? Oh, buddy. I said, yeah, I want it. He goes, well, here, let's step over here and I'll give it to you. I said, no, you're what? And then he said, yeah, yeah, no. I said, well, we don't need to step anywhere. Let's just do it right here.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So then at what point then do you guys say, hey, you know, we make some pretty snazzy vids too. Do you guys want to maybe hire us for that?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
That's insane. I'd like to see you maybe just have a bit of a weed problem in the future just to knock down your memory a little bit.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So we just did a little top swap, and now I'm going to work it into the show, but we're trying to get clearance on Sex Pistols. And if we don't get clearance on it, then I'm just going to put it in my wardrobe, you know, my closet at home. Wait for Daddy to forget.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
The little half glasses, the little Barry Gibb glasses. Yeah, exactly. Sorry, keep going. Which...
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And I'm Jason Bateman. What's your porn name, Sean? Middle name and street you grew up on. Patrick Valley. Patrick Valley. That's actually pretty good. That's pretty porny. JB, what about you? It is porny. Kent Emerson. No way. Sounds like he's got a strong mustache, right?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Oh, okay. Or in vintage shops. I just went, I went vintage shopping with Franny yesterday because she wanted to do some shopping here in New York. And while she was looking at her stuff, I went looking at the old rock t-shirts there in this incredible store called Metropolis down on Broadway. And, God, they got a great site. And I bought five great old rock concert t-shirts.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Your proof of concept, though, was already just like right there. And you'd already been stamped and embraced by, you know, the SNL, you know, pedigree and embraced by the exact demo Paramount's asking you guys to hit. So it was like, I'm sure you guys had, you weren't paralyzed with fear, but sort of knowing you're going into new ground.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Had Akiva and Jorma directed anything other than the digital shorts at that point?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah, exactly. Andy, where does the film school and filmmaking kind of desire for you live currently? Or is it sort of just acting now, or do you still kind of thirst for making stuff?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
You were on the producing track as opposed to the directing track in film school, yeah? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah. It is true. It is a certain amount of unstated arrogance and hubris to actually be giving a note to somebody you're on an equal playing field with. I hear you on that for sure. I have no explanation for that aside from the kindness of the person that's listening to the note.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah. Be more into it. Okay, on this take, marry me. Right. I want to feel from your kiss that we should be married. Here we go. Still rolling.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Well, I can take a lot of that off her hands. Yeah, same. Me and Sean will help her out.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I remember being totally fanning out, being so excited and kind of nervous. Sudeikis and I, we were on like a lunch break while we were doing one of the horrible bosses and we were in the valley. And he's like, oh, you know, the guys, they rented a house down here. They're recording one of their albums. And he took me over there and it was like noon or something. Yeah. We walked in.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I think you guys were recording Turtleneck and Chain, maybe, right? Yeah. Turtleneck and Chain. It's so good. And I was like, where's Andy? They're like, oh, he's still sleeping. I was like, oh.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah, exactly. But we took a lot. They had rented like this colonial-style mansion in Encino. A monstrosity. Yeah, and they just set it up, you know, just like a rock band would. You know, you record in a mansion, but it's usually in the Cotswolds, you know. But this was like off Louise Drive in Encino. But it was pretty awesome to see that.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
That's so cool. Do you guys ever talk about getting together and doing another one of those house rentals and just putting down another record?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Well, do you not know? You buried the lead. Oh, you did it. Amazon. Fucking crazy, right? But anyway, sorry to interrupt. Brand new? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Well, no, this one's full of moisture. The old one was, I was getting tired of it. I had a spritz bottle. I had a fucking Hudson sprayer. It's just, it was enough.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Okay. What you need is a nice aerobics class, I think, is what I'm figuring out.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Was there ever a moment where it got emotional for you on Saturday Night Live? Either your first performance or your last one? Oh, my God. The whole time? Yeah, I'll bet.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
No, I've also heard about just like a step class, you know, or a stationary bike. Why don't you work on your fucking endurance? No, I have endurance. Clearly not. You're running after a cab and you end up in the hospital.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Was it what you thought it would be? Or, I mean, answer that, but then also, like, what was the most surprising part of it or the part that really kind of, like, floored you, like, that you didn't really imagine?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And then when did it start to dawn on you that, oh, this thing caught on? Was it the next day when you woke up from the after party? Like you saw online that there was some traffic about it?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
You know what I mean? Listen, hey, Glass House, let's not talk about pantries. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Did I ever show you the picture I took of your freezer? Or sorry, your ice cream fridge?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So you got one side with soda and food and then the other side, which is supposed to be a freezer, is just basically like a... Well, I have kids. A repository for ice cream, yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So, so you're at, so you're at Joanna's concert and you, and you wiggle your way backstage as, as, as a creepy fan and, um, and, and somehow get her your number.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't want to talk about the lovely stuff, Sean. How they make babies? You want to talk about, hey, did anybody ever forget a line during a live taping of... Tell me, could you ever not read the cards, Andy? I love those stories. Did someone ever get in your way between you and the cards?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Another one? Bennett Barbicow's brother. So as you know, Bennett, who is part of our team, Bennett, say hi.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Oh, God. Jason's busy over there. I'm lacing my new shoes. So, maple. Franny got me into a t-shirt addiction. Maple's gotten me into really expensive tennis shoes. Yeah, those. And now I can't stop. Those are Mikey's.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's done. It's done. You can't shake me now. We'll find a time and just do it.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
He created his own lane. And he's my new friend. Yeah, he's your new friend. He's stuck with me now. He doesn't realize it yet, but it's going to be a problem for him.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Have you been ducking us? Have we not been able to make your deal? What is it? What's happening?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Can I embarrass myself early? Andy, you're a fella. I don't know well. We never really cross paths. I know precisely the times we have. Because I think I've always wanted to be your friend. And I just would never cross this path. And both these guys know that that's a big deal because I don't really have a lot of friends. But I've targeted you. Right. And I feel like we'd be great together.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Sean, go take a break. I'm going to grease your wheels. Yeah. No, go ahead. I really like the cut of your jib. Huh? Likewise and ditto.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
No, wait. I want to know what fucking episode he was in in Arrested Development. Where was I? Now, don't tell me I was in the scene with him.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Man, I gotta... Willie, remember how we used to sit and watch the show? We'd watch them when they were on on Sundays, right?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
We'd sit there like a couple of newbies, just like, here comes our show, our show's coming on, and we'd watch it, and then we'd go outside for smokes during the commercial breaks, and then we'd go back in, and then we'd check online to see what the comments were, and then the next morning, what the ratings were.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
No, I was just in a generic blue tee. A nice tee. Sure. I didn't know that. I said, you know what? What was that? Robert, we're looking for beautiful vintage rock t-shirts for this season. idiot character I'm playing. Um, and man, that looks like a good one. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, Oh yeah, I paid a lot of money for this. And he told me the number. I was like, good Lord.