"Mike Tirico"
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So guys, welcome. It's time for another session of Smart List Cold Open. And who would like to begin? Anybody want to begin? Willie's in hysterics over a joke that Sean just told that America, you cannot hear. Because if you did, you'd never like Sean Hayes again.
Welcome to Smart List.
JB, you look... JB looks like a guy with the glasses and the hat and the beard and the hair. He looks like he's just... He's spending the weekend. He's parked the van up in Bend, Oregon, right? Yeah. He's up in Bend. He's going to do some windsurfing on the river at the gorge. It's disgusting.
He's up at the gorge. These are... These are frames. They look good. I like those frames. These are frames that like you would see on Plastic Man if you're as old as I am. Yeah, for sure. They're kind of like tragically hip now that my wife made me get. I just keep them at the house. I wore them today and they're transition lenses, so they get that little smoky kind of half tint. And so the problem is like I'm keeping them at home so no one sees them, but I've been on Zooms all day. And so Will's just reminding me that I've looked like a freaking douchebag all day. No, you don't.
I said you look kind of crunchy. I didn't say you look like a douchebag. I said you look like you're up in Oregon. You got this hipster little trucker hat on and everything. The glasses look like you could have a neck tattoo. Yeah, bro. Right? You could be, um, that you live in Highland Park.
Wait, let me ask you this. What's a part that you would never, never get asked to play or would want to ever play?
Oh. Probably this guy. For real? Well, yeah. I mean, the part I'm playing, I mean, that's why I grew out this dumbass beard and long hair is because I'm playing a guy that is, you know, he's got a drug history and he makes a lot of bad decisions. They usually get cast as like some smart middle-aged white dick, you know? Yeah. Anyway.
Well, we'll let the audience do the math on that one.
Yeah.
I was going to do the math for you. You guys.
What's going on? Have you guys had the dumb, dumb, busy day like me? I mean, today it's just like it kept coming.
No, I had a super slow day today. I did. I had a bunch of... I went to the eye doctor.
Oh, check this out. Look at this. I went to the eye doctor today.
Which one was sick? Can you see? Oh, yeah. It's still a little... One's dilated? Yeah. Two are dilated. So did Scotty have to drive you today?
Or did you take risks by yourself? I was like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I pulled out into traffic. I was like, oh, I don't think I'm fine.
Jamie, I thought about you when I got dressed for this because I've been doing a bunch of stuff. And I worked out. I did two different kinds of workouts today. But I'm in. I'm transitioning between different parts of my day. And I thought, you know who's going to love my look? And I'm going to have to give you the full.
Here we go. Because you're going to hate it so much. You've already got on the baggy neck. He's got the Crocs on. He's got white Crocs on, guys, with the heel strap. Wow.
And then camo shorts.
And camo shorts.
And then golf socks.
So you've got an indoor outfit on today like me. Or have you been outside? Did anybody see that today?
I went outside. Nobody saw this. But I remember one of my favorites was seeing you. You and I were hanging with Krasinski. This is minimum 15 years ago. And he was wearing some stupid little socks with his Vans. And you just look over and you go, Laundry day?
No, I don't think I said that because that's the line we've always heard. I think I just said... Confident?
Yeah. Oh, that was the other one you said. Confident, huh? No, you didn't say confident. You just went confident.
Which is just so shitty. It's so good. It's dumb. But wait, how did, sorry, sorry, guest, we're going to get right to you because you're even busier than all three of us combined. How did the White Crocs find their way into your closet?
Well, you know what? Thanks for the plug. My friends at dicks.com sent me a bunch of stuff. They sent me a bunch of stuff.
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