Will Arnett
Appearances
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And then finally she falls through the door and currently goes, hey, everybody, look, it's Diane. It's so funny. I don't know why. That fucking, every part of that joke to me, every bit of it just fucking works. It just makes me laugh.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
The only time I ever got mad at Jimmy was, remember, Sean, he wanted to switch tape nights from Friday to Tuesday nights. And I love the idea that Friday night when you were done, then you had no homework for the weekend. Right. And I always felt when you had the tape on Tuesday, you're like, ah, you're thinking about it because, you know, Monday you got to camera block and do all this shit.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
But why did you fly back again this weekend? And I know you're going to say it because I want to see the kids and stuff, but come on, man, you got to take care of yourself. You can't do that. Yeah, you can take care of yourself.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Ted, you had the good fortune of working. You mentioned Mike Schur, whom we all know and are friends with. And you got to work with him on The Good Place. And now you and Mike have a new show. Yeah. Is that right?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Sean just watched a five-part miniseries on chili, on the food, not the country.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Let Sean and me edit. It's a real boring high class complaint. No, no, no. But Sean and I will edit. It'll be fun. It'll be so new to you. You'll be like, what the fuck? It's a great new approach.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Well, it's interesting because, well, you know, Pete Giles went to the Sandy Meisner for two years, too, a friend of all of ours, and a bunch of people that we know. But what I found is, what's interesting is, you go and you study theater, you went to Carnegie Mellon, you can go to lots of, there are a lot of great places around the country.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
But what's the most valuable is when they start talking to you about what to do when you're trying to get a job. You know, because all that stuff is really great. It's sort of great theoretical stuff, but it's so much different when you start to get into trying to get a job. Meaning like how to audition and how to like... Well, how to audition and how to do it in the moment.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
You know, it's like they don't have time for you to go through your fucking process when you're a young actor and you've only got a couple lines and you've got to show up. You've got to show up and deliver. You know why? Because, as you guys know, because they've got to move on.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
They've got to get your fucking reaction or whatever your stupid thing is, and they've got to get after this other scene. So they don't have time for you to go like, um, do you think that my character would? It's like, dude, shut up. Yeah. And deliver. And that's the scariest part, right? I mean, when you walk in and you're the new guy, how scary is that? Right.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Wait, really? Scott is out? Yeah. That makes sense. So wait, so Shani, so you and... Yeah, so we did it.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I knew it. You liberal, you elitist. No, it's fucking, give me a second here, because I want to tee off on the liberal elites. Great gig, by the way.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
That's why you're, I will say, that's why you're so chill. You have a really great vibe. I will say that.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I just see those ads all the time on MSNBC. My friend always has this joke. He's like, we're a Sky Rizzy family. By the way, can I just say this? I mentioned Pete Giles before. JB, you played golf with Giles before over the years. The great Pete Giles. The great Pete Giles. And Sean, you know him very well. It just reminded me that any time he would get on the green,
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And, you know, sometimes some guys go, hey, you know, because your ball is on the green, you're dancing. And he would, for years, say, oh, you're Ted Danson. For years, he would say, when your ball got on the green, you're Ted Danson. One of my best friends of all time. It just made me think of these guys. Because the green's a dance floor. Go for Sean Hayes.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Okay, ready? No, you just fucking said it. So now name them. Well, obviously Cheers.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
But you know what, though? You know what, Sean? So I had on, what is today? I had last weekend, I had all of our good friend Bradley over here, and we were watching some soccer and stuff, and he came over, and I said, and as you guys know, because Jason takes fucking pictures of it, so does Paul McAleese, of my freezer and my treats that I have in there. Jesus.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Ted, I hate to break it to you, man. You're on the fucking Mount Rushmore, okay? So, like, I got a news flash for you. And there's no... And maybe it's because of Jimmy and the Charles brothers, but they wanted you for that same reason that you described before. They wanted you to be good, and you were. You were so fucking great, man. And...
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I wonder if you, when you come out of something like Cheers, I can't imagine, because, well, I can. When you have something that has such great chemistry, and it really works, and the writing is really good, and the performers are really good, and you have a shorthand, and you know when you're really dialed in, that is so fucking fun. And I've had a few of those moments.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And one of them was really when I was the most dialed in and felt like I was in a work environment in that way was working with that guy right there with JB. When we did Arrested Development, there were a few months in there in my life where I was like, fucking fuck, we are dialed right now. This feels great. And it's hard, but you guys did that at a level for years.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
What's that like when you go from that and what's the morning after like? Is it like... You ended up going and doing amazing things after, but I mean the morning after a show like yours. What was that like?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
He sees my treats, Bradley, and I go, oh, yeah, that's this, like, ice cream sandwich from this place out here called Round Swamp, and they make chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in the middle. Round Swamp. That's where your colon is.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
But that's life, man. I mean, we all handle things differently. Look, I can admit there have been lots of situations in my own life where I haven't handled it the best way. It doesn't mean that in the moment, but over time where I've kind of acted out in certain ways that were not the best representation. of me or the best version of me.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And, and I've, and I've, you know, felt a lot of shame about that. And I've been, uh, beat myself up about it and stuff. And at the end of the day, it's just, that's life. We're all kind of dealing with it in the moment of figuring it out as we go.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
So he goes, are you going to have a little piece of this? I go, hey, man, I'm not coming back here. Yeah. I'm here this one visit, planet Earth. I'm here. This is a one-time visit to this planet.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Ted, you know what's so funny is we often ask people when they come on here, we're like, well, you've done this and what would you want to do? You've fucking done everything.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
You've done every genre. You've done Broadway. You've done comedy. You've done drama. You've done film. You've done... Like you've done... So I don't even know where to go with that.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
No, I'm looking to enjoy it as much as possible. All right. I'm not looking for—it doesn't need to be a long, shitty time.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
You look great. You look great and you are great. And what is it that you watch? Do you watch a lot of stuff? Do you devour other material too?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
You know, enjoy it, man. Because I don't want the end of the day when we're like, Jay, how was it? And you go, ooh, ooh, ooh. And we go, fuck, we got to take the tubes out. Jay, how was it? And you go, ooh, ooh, ooh.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Yes. No, it's not, Sean, it's not. What are you talking about, BJ and the Bear? No, no, no, it's not BJ with the Bear. No, it's BJN. It's not BJ from a bear.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Way to go, Ted. Now you got Sean thinking about a basketball team. Hey, listen. Oh, man. Teddy, anyway. By the way, he guest starred on every TV show.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I know. That is amazing. I know. You know what I forgot about? You did those three men and a baby, right? Remember those? Yes, those were great. You must remember. You were in them. What was that?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
We were so fucking hungry the whole fucking time. All I can hiss out is... Why didn't you take me to Round Swamp? All I can hiss out is, do I look puffy? It's going to stay on your tombstone.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Yeah. No. Oh, my God. But those, I mean, those were, what was the biggest, what was the... the hardest part on those movies? Because you're working with the baby. Was it working with the baby or waiting for Tom Selleck to glue on his mustache?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I've never heard a bad thing about him. No. That's why I made the joke. He's great. If he sucked, I wouldn't. He's incredible. Magnum PI for me was the fucking greatest.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Are you doing okay? Let's keep it clean. It's the opening. This is an all-new Smart List, dude.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I just like the no Sasquatch as well. Yeah, he's no Sasquatch. It's not like intern people. Hey, look at this guy. He's no Sasquatch.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
No, you don't have to go. Please, we love having you. What was the last... Do you remember the last audition you had? I mean, it had to have been pre-Cheers.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
JB, can I get it out of you right now? If you happen to pass before me, will you let me put at some point, somewhere on your tombstone, do I look puffy? Absolutely. We were talking about that. Think about it. Think about it. Don't tell me now. It's a yes.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
No, no, no, no. That was an offer. I mean, I think it was. I mean, it was because it was through a bush. It was through a bush and it was just, hey. It was just a bunch of cash and a low voice.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
No, I know, I know. I'm just trying to think what it was. I think I... How about Arrested Development? Well, that audition was great. I was with Tony Hale and you, the last one. We were all in the room together. You, me. You crushed it.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Thank you so, so, so much. Thanks for being here. I'm going to say this, and I don't throw this term around lightly.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
What are you going to say? You're a world-class jerk-off. No, I'm not going to say that. I'm gonna say you're a fucking national hero.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
You really are, dude. You are a treasure. And I just couldn't think any more highly of you. I just think that you're a great guy and you're so great at what you do for so long.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And keep doing it. And I'm glad you're doing a show with the great Mike Schur, whom we adore and is an unbelievable talent in his own right. And just thanks for doing this, man. What a thrill to be able to sit here with you and talk to you. Honestly, it's just an absolute thrill for me. So thank you.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Yeah, I can't wait to listen to that. Yeah, by the way, you and Woody, it turns out you've got good chemistry.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
No way. The Floyd show. Yeah. No way. Good for him. He was like, fuck it, I'm not missing this.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
He's so great. And, yeah, and, you know, Ted and Woody have their podcast, which he was alluding to, that I did the first episode of. Yes, that's very nice. By the way, now I'm taking credit. Like, I was on the first. I didn't even know. Oh, you launched it. I launched the show that I launched. Stop it. That they're doing is also on Sirius, like us.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
So check it out. It's called Everybody Knows Your Name, which is, I guess, an allusion to... Which is a nod to the song. Alluding to something. The song.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
The theme song. He's making a joke, you stupid ass. Right now, I want to go where nobody knows my name after that.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I was looking at a lot of... Listen to this. By the way, Sean, before you get into it, can I just say this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so... Even if we haven't done a show in a couple of weeks... Go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
I can see, you know when a soccer player gets ready to take a penalty kick? All the time, yeah. And I can, you know, they do that thing, the little sort of stutter step before they get into the ball. I can see you doing your little stutter stuff.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
What is happening? Inside your brain. Do we need to send somebody over to the house to do like a fucking wellness check on you? What is happening? What's wrong with you?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Sean, how quickly, if we installed, and then we've got to get to our guests, but if we installed, if you came home and in your kitchen... There was a trough, but it was filled with donuts and all the stuff you love and Skittles and Hershey's syrup and Hershey's peanut butter cup and all this stuff that you wanted to eat and Sloppy Joe.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
How long is the time from the initial disgust and feeling of resentment and alarm of the initial seeing it to you actually getting down.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Yeah, let's get some people. Let's get some top design. Let's get Johnny Ives on this or somebody. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Well done. But you know what? He's a classy guest, but he's also no stranger to having a laugh. Oh. Because he likes to laugh, but he's also made us laugh. This guy...
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
He's another one of these people, I can't say anything that he's done because you're immediately going to know who he is because he's such a part of the fabric of our lives, especially the three of us, because we are such admirers of what he has done over the years and how much he's made us laugh and doing the stuff at the highest level that we're like, oh, my God.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And I would say this, not just doing stuff at the highest level, for me, potentially, doing... What I would consider, and no offense to either of you, the greatest American sitcom of all time because it just took me through so many, and it just always made me laugh. I got to talk to him about it recently with one of his co-stars. He's done a million different TV shows, but he's the best.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
He's, you know, Mayday Malone, Sam Malone. He's also known as Ted Danson. Oh, it's Ted Danson even.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
So, Ted, you and Woody invited me on your podcast, which very kindly had me on, and I just watched a bunch of episodes, and so I went crazy on you guys with Cheers stuff. It's the best. But I want to talk to you about... I'm so interested in that moment. So, Cheers is such a big thing, especially our generation. We grew up with it, and we weren't little kids, but we loved it. I was in college.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
What was... That moment, that first time you got the script for Cheers. I love this more than anything.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
When did I know the first moment that it was a big... What was the first moment that you laid eyes on the script for Cheers?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
That must have just sealed it because you and Shelley had the most incredible sitcom... Chemistry.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Magic. Yeah, really magic. Chemistry, but was magic. I mean, Ted, you guys must have felt... That must be one of those things that was instant, right? There was just no... It was inescapable. You just had to... You know, it was...
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
By the way, by the way, when you said made your own, meaning you put cinnamon with sugar. Yeah, that's right. And then you stir it up. Okay, don't talk like you... I went into the lab.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Did you always want to do sitcom, like television comedies, because you've made a, you haven't, Ted, you haven't just made a career out of it, and again, at risk of embarrassing you, you've been at the top of television comedy for like 40 fucking years. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
When you were a kid, were you like, I want to do a television company? Was that the thing that you wanted to do? No.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
Oh, really? But Jay, you just did a back and forth. You were overseas on a thing, and then you came back to LA, then you went to New York a couple days, then you came back, and then you come back. Why?
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
It was a lot of fun. I love talking to you and Woody so much. I mean, you know, again, I'm going to get off chairs at some point because I've gotten off on it so many times before. Guys, see what you did there. But I love it so much. And I made Ted and Woody listen to me go on about one of my favorite moments, which I've said before, but I'm going to say it because I haven't said it here.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
One of my favorite moments, I think the funniest moment for me in TV history, for me, is this moment where Shelley Long goes, you'll never see me again. You'll never see Diane Chambers ever again. This is the last time you'll ever hear from me. And Dan and Woody and all those guys are standing there like, they're all watching. She makes this grand farewell. She walks out.
SmartLess
"Ted Danson"
And then all of a sudden you see the door open and she realized she forgot her coat. And you see her arm come in and start to reach for the coat rack. And Carla's standing there. And as you see the hand come, she just said, you'll never see me again. Hand in, feeling for the coat. And Carla just grabs the coat rack and pulls it. Just out of reach. So her hand, hand, hand, hand.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
40 years ago. So did you guys play in just, only played in access countries like Japan, Germany and Italy too?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Oh, okay. You just point and say, sit on it, Patsy, and point to first base?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
By the way, Sean, doesn't JB look like he could put out a country record right now?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
That's usually, right with the gold coin, it's usually gold on the outside and chocolate in the middle. This time it was reversed.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
But what an amazing story. And so when your father comes, I get it. The way you characterize him, he's like he was tough. He wanted you to take over the lumber business. But I'm sure in his mind he's like, hey, I came in tough times. You're right.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Well, I was going to say, you've written books about it. You've been really vocal about it in terms of identifying it in kids and helping them because of your own experience and using that to try to talk about it. Is that right?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Like opening some windows? All right, so we'll pause. Why don't you take care of that, and then we'll just play the music and stuff.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Henry, I'm borrowing Sean. I'm at Sean's desk, and I just found this over his computer. You can probably see it. Spaghetti and meatballs, it says. I don't know why.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
How many, how many, it's always somebody else or something else's fault. When's it your fault? Never, ever.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Henry, can I tell you something? I have so many great memories, and people ask me all the time about working with you, and obviously you're an icon, and I say, I have a bunch of really distinct, and they're all good memories of you, and I tell you them sort of in no particular order. One is, and Jay, you were there, we were doing a scene,
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
You, me, and Jason, and you, Henry, and Jeffrey Tambor, and we were doing a scene in a bathroom at the old season one. And we were doing the scene in a bathroom. I forget the conversation in the scene. And then we all leave the room, and at the end, you look, you're left in the bathroom, you look in the mirror, you go to comb your hair, and you go, nah. Like that Fonzie move.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
But really subtly, and then you walk out. So that was my first, and I remember Jason and I going like, can you believe we're doing this scene and he's doing a fucking Fonzie thing? How lucky are we that we get to be doing, A, that's my A. My B is this. My first year of Arrested Development, I was living in L.A. part-time just at work, and I had a few friends, Jason being one of them,
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And Sean and I weren't that friendly yet. I didn't really like him that much. But I was on my own often. And on the weekends, if I didn't go back to New York, I was on my own. And you and your wife, Stacey, welcomed me in your home a few times. On a Saturday morning, you'd say, come over, and we'd do breakfast and bagels and blah, blah, blah. And you were so kind. It's where I met Jed.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
It's where I met all your kids. And I... Max, and I was like, this is unbelievable. So kind. You took your time and you welcomed me into your home. And I honestly, I never forget it to this day, how kind that was of you.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Oh, I was going to say that, and then Zoe and Rob. And, of course, I've come to know Rob, your son-in-law, obviously, over the years. He built my house. He's an incredible guy.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Sean, the company's called VRB, and you know my old house that I used to have up the hill? Yeah, yeah. They built, Rob built that house. Yeah, I met the guy. And then the house I'm in now, Rob completely redid it and did everything. And I try, anytime, anything, he's the best. This is the kind of guy Rob is.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
When he built that other house that I used to live in, something fucked up and we were going to do this and we were going to have a deck. And usually, and it came and it wasn't quite right and the wood was, and usually guys, you know, contractors go, Well, that's the way it is. Too bad, you got to pay, blah, blah, blah. Rob says, I'm rebuilding the deck.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I'm paying for the labor, the lumber, everything. That's not your fault. I'm taking care of it. And I said, Rob, you don't have to. He goes, no, I have to do it. That's the kind of guy he is. That's amazing.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I was going to try to guess. I was going to say a good title for that would have been, Where Are My Glasses? So you start producing that and MacGyver gets on the air. It takes off. It's a big hit.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Did Forte and John Salmon, those guys, have to reach out to you when they started doing MacGruber? No. Did you like those MacGruber spin?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
So you do that. So you start getting into producing and you just figure, what, I'm just going to be a producer forever and this is... I didn't know.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Yeah. You know what? I believe you, Henry. I do. I believe you. I've spent some time. I really believe you. It's so good to see you.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Barry Zuckercorn. Sean, there's a moment in season two of Arrested Development where we're all out on the dock. We're supposed to be in Orange County, but we're in the marina. And the show got sponsored. We were hanging on by a thread because the ratings weren't good. And we got a sponsor and it was like the Burger King crispy sandwich or something, right? I'm in.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
So, you know, the term jumping the shark, of course, came from Henry when he was on Happy Days when the Fonz jumps the shark, right?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Right, exactly. But the cynics sort of painted it that way and the term became jumping the shark. So in this episode, in this moment where we're trying to figure out what we're going to do and we've got this sponsor, we have to work in Burger King chicken sandwich in it.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And everybody's furious. And Mitch is furious. So if Mitch figures out this way, there's a scene where Henry, his character, Barry Zuckerberg, talking to us about something.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And then they capture, I guess, what, the shark? No, then they had a bunch of sharks on the thing. And so Henry goes, listen, I'd love to talk to you guys about this, but I got to go to Burger King and get one of their crispy chicken sandwiches. And then he just does a gingerly little hop over a shark. That's on the dock. That's really funny. How fucking funny is that?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Henry, it doesn't matter. You could put that book in a Big Mac and Sean's not going to read, okay? So it doesn't matter what you do.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Jason, I know we've got to do this show, but do you have something else that you need to do?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Well, what's great is you come in, you know, from my experience, you show up, you're the kind of guy, you show up every day on set like it's a new opportunity. It's a new day. You bring great energy. You always, you want to laugh. You want to experience. You're very much in the moment. At all times. You're one of those people. I love that about you. I really do.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Jed's great. I know Jed. As you know, I know Jed very well. He's a great dude.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
No, he'll eat anything. Henry, send our love to your whole family, to all the kids, to everybody. We love you guys.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Listen, Altadena, if you're listening, if you work at Altadena right now, the Fonz wants you to start making that fucking cheese again.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
He's like that with anybody. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, he's interested in what you do. He's constantly talking to people, right? I mean, for 50 years, he's been a fucking icon. That's what happy looks like.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
What are you doing? Why are you always wrapping up so early? I was going to do an A. I was going to do a buy.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
No way. Oh, it's horrible. Because of your skills. Imagine thinking, imagine thinking, I got low self-esteem. How am I going to build it up? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to answer the limbo.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
You know why I believe that, Henry, is because I'm now, what just came to mind was that episode of Happy Days where you do, where the Fonz does that dance.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
in my room that i would do at any dance i attended really and that was your that was your closer right that was my closer and so how did it come about that you're on you're you're making happy days and did they say the fonz needs to have it and you're like hang on a second i got this i got this in my back pocket yeah do you know uh interestingly enough um
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I did. I didn't even have, I haven't showered. I just put on a clean shirt. I haven't showered yet. Luckily, I'm in my booth, but I know it's gross.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I like the idea that somebody does that, that somebody like some guy, Jason's joking about he's in prison, but some dude who's a big fan, he had a few too many pops one night and just etched it into a metal frame as a nothing, and for you it became your mantra.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
I, uh, I'm not boxing anymore. It's really, by the way, a great workout with my friends over at Fight Camp. But, no, I'm, uh, I'm now in, uh, I'm now doing the Catalyst. I'm in the, uh, the Catalyst suit. that sends electric pulses, yeah.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
You're so... You're right. You're so happy that you're not getting busted for having a big pile of stinky bud. Hey... Henry, let me ask you this. I remember you telling me years ago the story about when you got that part on Happy.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And I know we're just in the Happy Days era right now because it was such a huge part of, you know, culturally, I don't think people understand how big it was if you're younger, starting in the late 70s into the 80s, how massive Happy Days was globally. You got that part. I think you told me once. Will you remind me of that story of how that came to be?
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
Wow. Right, I remember you saying that. You were going to go back to New York. You were like, I'm done, I'm going back.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
And Sean, be honest, are you still thinking about the jello in the fridge? Yes. I'm thinking about the leaf.
SmartLess
"Henry Winkler"
So, but Henry, I remember seeing photos or video of you like going on these world tours. You were in like Japan or something.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
No, nothing, nothing. Can we guess? It's just been a lot of admin, and admin stuff gets me pissed. Domestic administration. No, not domestic. Just work admin. And I have a certain way I like doing things.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And then when people fuck it up, I'm like... My patience for stuff is like... I go... I go... Fucking... You've just... Things got more... Why didn't stuff just go the way... Let me... I... My... I thought...
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
that you were not supposed to talk about, Marty. You know you're not supposed to mention it.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And you guys had, and you guys also, right, you have a style and you have, socially, you have a lot of friends, right, in common. So you're sort of in the same circles. You're kind of in each other's orbits on a lot of levels, right?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Oh, so that was the impetus for this whole other thing that you guys had created.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
These are relatable things about that. Everybody has with just life when life gets away and you just go like, you know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Would you guys consider doing, like, Google Spaces or Microsoft Teams? Oh, we've done that. I don't want to fuck with your process, your creative process. I'm just saying.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I heard you killed in St. Catharines. I heard that you would kill in Hamilton in St. Catharines.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
With the show? I've never, I haven't seen it either. I've been busy. I've been, in my defense, I'm very busy.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Wait, wait, Steve, I want to ask you, actually, you mentioned Grammys, and you've won Grammys for your banjo playing, but you've also won many Grammys for stand-up over the years. And do you, I don't know if you do any stand-up anymore at all, ever?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I thought you were gonna say, Marty, you're famous for using the same old joke.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Yeah, it's four years. It's 200 weeks, right? Yeah. Do you want me to keep saying right? Is that not four years?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Jason, sorry, just real quick sidebar. With you spending so much time away from home, you must be really building up a... A little stockpile of crusty socks, am I right?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Wait, Steve, Steve, let me ask you, did you have, did you start archiving years ago, hire one of these people to do that?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
JB, you've always been good about that. You're a crew guy and you've always had that rule, no pricks on set but me, and you've adhered to it.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Wait, I didn't know which way you were going with that. I didn't either. I thought he was about to go, it's just disgusting knowing that. No, no, I wish I could go back in time.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I mean, I guess for you, this is your answer to if you could turn back time, right?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
This will never air. This will never air, by the way. This will never.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
There's nothing usable. There's nothing usable. You guys, we'll punch it up later. The great Mark Short and Steve Martin, my gosh, thank you guys for doing our 200th episode. What an honor.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I will say this. I will say this, too, and I'm with you, that those two guys have had or two people that I, as well, have as a sort of comedic actor, if you will. I don't consider myself a comedian, but as a performer, two guys that I look up to as being at the sort of the pinnacle, again, gold standards of people that I think are funny, who have created funny things over the funny characters.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And so the idea that I'm in a conversation with them, that they're doing our podcast, to me is not, the novelty of that has not rubbed off. Right.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
JB, I played this thing yesterday, you know, that thing that you couldn't be at, and one of the guys I play with said to me, he said, oh, man, that Bono, when you guys had Bono on last year, and he knows Bono, he was like, that was such a great interview, and Bono had such a great time, and he really felt really comfortable with you guys, and he really had such a great experience, and I'm thinking like,
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Otto told you that about hanging out with us fucking morons? Like, what? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
We're lucky. We're fortunate. We're not lucky, but we're really fortunate. And as much joking as we do about our lives and all that kind of stuff, that... that we get to do it, that we get the opportunities to do it, and that we get to do it together.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
It's so funny, you know, doing this thing and, you know, we do it together and people have opinions on it and opinions on our relationships and people come up to us and say stuff and whatever. And it's odd, right? It's very kind of revealing sometimes. It was part of it that I never expected. They talk about which one's the best, which one's the funniest. No, but they talk about what we do.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And it's exposing in a way, right? In a way that I didn't anticipate before about being so open. And I feel very lucky, like you were saying, Sean, that I get to do it with you guys. I feel very safe. Yeah, for sure. doing it with you guys, and I love you guys a lot.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
And we, like anybody, we have moments that are tough as well, and we do stuff, and because we're friends, and we're in business together, and we do stuff. But as, you know, we are... I think of you guys as... my for real brothers and friends. And I love you guys a lot. I love you too. And we're doing this 200th episode. It's fucking crazy. Right. It is crazy.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
You're at where you're at. And it's true. Like I even said, I anticipated that you start here and you can always end up up here. Always. Right? And that any day, any given day doesn't have to be a bad day or a good day. You can have lots of different things on every day and that's just the color of life.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Well, he does. He doesn't get, but his dick barfs, you know.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
You just need a little sunshine from your buddies. I know it's true.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
So what happens? You just FedEx him off and then they return him a couple days later? How does that work?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Do they come to your house or is there a drop box near you? Speaking of, I forgot to put him back in. Oh, yeah.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Abel was like getting in the car. This is this morning. Fucking teenagers. It was part of the thing. And I got into this thing because the kids, I wake them up and then they're like, no. And then I'm like, we got to go. And I know we have a recorder. I can't drive to the valley. I love the way they fall back asleep. They fall back asleep.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
You're going to be late for school. You're going to be late for school, and Uber is expensive. I'm trying to, like, make them feel bad, and I'm like, you've got to get going. Abel goes inside, and I'm like, what's going on? I'm, like, backing out. He comes around, and I go, what did he say? I had to get my rubber bands. He's got the Invisalign. He's like, you're shunning me.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I had to get my rubber bands because I got my new rubber bands. And I was like, oh, my God. What is happening?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Archie has to do it because Archie has the old school ones and then Abe's got the Invisalign. They got to choose.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Oh, no, that's for a different thing. He's thinking of a different headgear, sorry. It's more like a ball that's attached to it.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
On the outside, it says Chicago Cubs. Like, he tries to make it kind of homey. I heart the Cubs. Okay.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
What's the mood like now, Willie? It's a little bit better. It's a little bit better. This is wonderful.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I thought it is too much celebration. You know what? It is. It's a great day for us. And I got to remember, I had a bit of an okay start. And then you have grumpy moments. And I just remember this thing, which is like, just because you have a grumpy start doesn't mean you can't have a great finish.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Well, Marty should know that It's So Obvious is also Jason Denneville's memoir. So... It was taken.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
I would say that the last time I saw Marty was at the opening of Sean, your play, and I think I told this, and I was walking by the bar to go upstairs, and he was like 50 people away from me, and he yelled across everybody, why can't you have talent like that?
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Your current look with your beanies and your beard look like you've got a million bumper stickers and a lot of them say coexist with different shit on the back of your fucking outback.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
You know why? Because it puts you deeper into Vermont, okay, for me.
SmartLess
"Steve Martin & Martin Short"
Right, it's like human behavior done by somebody who's never seen humans behave. Exactly.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You guys did a couple movies together, right? You did that. You mentioned Starsky. Yep. What else?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
fun stuff and not nearly enough and adding stuff i don't i don't recall it that way i don't know how you do i we wouldn't be able to do with a straight face i mean it must be in pot i vince we went to do you remember one time we went to some charity thing we sat next and the whole time vince was in my ear commenting on everything that was happening and i was so i was like i'm gonna have to leave this fucking place because they think i'm laughing at everybody oh yeah and then the guy gets up who's hosting and he goes this is your face man this is the guy you guys decide and i start
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
fucking... Ted Sarandos, he's the guy of honor. He's looking at me from across the table like, why are you ruining my moment?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, we only get to see you cracking jokes a couple times a year. It'd be like fucking nightly out there just fucking roasting people. Come on, man.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But Vince, I was going to say, sorry, go ahead, Sean. When I first moved here. Is this close to your dream?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
What are you going to come on? When are you going to turn on, do you think? When will be the moment? You know, we're rolling, Sean. You know, Vince, I bet you get the same thing. I was thinking like Farrell kind of gets it too, which is when people see him, they're like, oh, this is the fun, funny guy. You know, for Farrell, it's like, oh, you're Hank the Tank. You're the party guy who's crazy.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
So I'm going to come at you because you're crazy. And I bet you... I wonder if you get that A, and B, people feel, you know, sometimes you meet people and they decide they're going to play with you, but they kind of play too hard. They get weird and they say something kind of critical or shitty, and you're like, that's not the game, man. Yeah. But they try to come at you, so they come at you hard.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
All the time. All the time. We get this, especially this because it's such a weird format because people hear us and so they can do shit and whatever. And we started our thing in 2020, and these guys will attest to it. You get a lot of people come up and go, I had a really tough year. I lost my dad, and I was at home alone, and I couldn't talk to anybody, and you guys, blah, blah, blah.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And it's kind of meaningful, too. Like, it feels, you're like, oh, great. That was me. I told you I lost my dad. Yeah. Well, you didn't lose him. We found him. He just went down over.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But what's interesting about that is that all these, it used to be such a great point, Vince, and that the stand-ups, you'd make it to a certain level, you'd do whatever. You'd do Carson, you'd get a huge deal, and not all of them were great actors or could act in film.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Now they don't have to, because they can just do a special a year for $20 million, and getting a movie or a show is not the ultimate objective for them anymore.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
It was—sorry, JB, not to— I think it was— Still is. Bear with me. With the idea that we started it with nobody. We paid for it for the first year. I mean, we had advertisers, but it took us a little while just because producing the episodes and the equipment and all that kind of shit. So it was just us, right? I mean, in that way it was. Right.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I'm thinking this as he's talking. It's like unbelievable. How the fuck was he not our first guest?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Are you serious? No shit. Yes. Let's cut the ribbon. This makes sense that we have Vince as our first guest on fucking Sirius XM.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
We just need you to wear a ball cap for six weeks if you don't mind. It's just when you're going to the market, whatever, you're picking up the kids. Don't fucking sweat it. You can leave it in the car.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Way to tee him up so he knows that you're going to ask him something. Yeah, here comes a question, Vince. Okay, go ahead.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Did you, Shawnee, did you wake up usually, like wake up at four, awake till seven?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I feel ill. Me too. I went to Disneyland with the kids and I was like, I did one ride and I was like, I'll see you guys later. One ride.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I was texting on the bench, and then I kept going, and then I kept going, I kept going, like they'd come back, and I kept going, you guys want to take off? Let's get out of here, right?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Do you get back to Chicago a lot? I know that you go to Blackhawks games. I've seen you there. But do you spend a lot, do you still feel really tied to Chicago?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I think I would do it. I think I would do it. Really? Yeah, I think so. You've got four kids.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You believe in it. But you guys can—because all three of us were born in the same year. I didn't want to say it because I didn't want to blow your mind.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
That's in my notes. That's in my notes. It's unbelievable. And I remember I was living in New York. I was a young actor living in New York. And when that movie came out, for us, it was as Gen Xers. I was like, this is a fucking movie that fucking gets it. It's telling the kinds of jokes and the way that I want it to be done.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
It was surprising, as JB was saying, with language that was hilarious and unusual and fucking references that were phenomenal.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Speaking to me, and it wasn't jokes written in a studio system. It didn't feel like it was rewritten by a bunch of different known comedy teams. This was new. It was different, and it was, They were jokes that you could see these guys were real guys. And it was fucking, it just, it was like you guys were like rookies of the year and MVP in the same year. It was just like bang.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know what I mean? They must have, what was that feeling like? What was the moment on swingers? Like what was the, what screening was it or box or what was the thing where you were like, holy fuck, this is really reaching people? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I always wondered about that. Yeah. Because the sound seemed very erotic. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know what's funny? Now that you mention it, there was a sort of a tragic element to it, right? It's kind of a tragedy in a way. It's kind of sad. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Right? You know what I mean? Like, it made the comedy much more profound. It's like an American with nail in eye in that way, that film of just like at the end, you're like... They don't really win. You know?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
No, don't. No, do. I was about to drop on. I can't tell you how many times I've said to people earnestly, but I just go, and they were like, fuck, he's about to. I go, you are so... Money, you don't even know how money you are.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Listen, Vince, I had another kid. I had my youngest son. I had him when I was 50. But the good thing is I wear Vans. So people, they don't know how old I am. because they're like, this guy's wearing Vans. He can't be over 50. He must be at least, you know.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But I also like the way that you said you respect the ocean as if it's this thing that you're saying it because if you don't say that, it's going to come get you. But so you lay your respects on it. But what about it?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
But you know what? That's so important, Vince. I've been thinking about this a lot, all bits aside. We talk about this a lot with the phones and stuff, right, with the kids. I have a 13-year-old son and a 15-year-old son, and the phones are crazy. And I said to them, and we've talked a lot about it here, Jason, Sean, and I have,
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And I said to my kids, look, I'll give you more, there'll be a, if you spend less time on your phone, I'll give you more personal freedom to do shit and go out and hang out with your friends.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
And I'll back, because I think us as parents, we got so into this thing of like, we got so worried about our kids going and doing shit and yet we'll give them a phone and let them go to the far reaches of the internet. And it should be the reverse, right? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah, you don't want your kids moving a ton of weight up through South Florida, you know what I mean? I mean, this is... Even if he promises that we're all going to wet our beaks on it, I'm like, listen, you're not doing it.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
What are you talking about, man? Your show's on Apple? Get the fuck out of here. We don't serve drugs. Put some fucking shoes on, you know?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Vince, you're an all-time champ, man. Honestly, you are an all-time fucking champ. You're the funniest fucking dude.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Just so... His comedy is so easy. Seemingly easy, what I mean. You know what I mean? There's just like an... It's so fluid.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I think that happens a lot. Yeah, I think that we've gotten older. As we've gotten older, certainly that's kind of the thing.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
No, but just about the, you just show up with what you got today. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And it is what it is. Yeah. And it's not defiant. It is deal with it, but it's not like, hey, fuck you. It's just like, hey, man, this is where I'm at right now.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Yeah. And you know what, Jay? And I was worried because I know that you've been really tired. You've been burning it. You've been working your tail off. And then you know what? Here it comes. Here it comes. You were fucking so perfectly, like, fine. Yeah. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
No, I'm just kidding. I knew you retired. But it's just one of those things. You find a way, and then you see Vince. Watching your face light up when you saw Vince. Yeah, I know. It was so fun.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Again, it is surprising that we haven't had him on earlier because he's such a fucking heavyweight.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Oh, here it comes. Oh, my God. You know what it is? It's a twinkle in his eye or something. I'm just asking if you ever get acid reflux. Yeah, sure, sometimes. Why? No, we don't. Let's just move on to another subject.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Hey, can I ask you something? Did you quit showbiz and we don't know about it? You've forgotten the rules? You know what?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Thank you for stopping. Goodbye. SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbico,
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You have such a facility. You're so funny in such an easy way. From the first moment I ever saw you perform, which was Swingers, you were just fucking, from that moment on, I was like, this guy is, he's a fucking grand slam. Every day is the home run derby. I didn't think so. Here's why.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
JB, are you, sorry, I know you're tired, but are you having like issues, like connection issues or something? Oh, I could be.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Holy shit, Sean, you're right. Like, you and 25 million other people. That's fucking crazy. What are the fucking odds? Hang on. They're pretty good.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Not once. I think I met her brother. There's so much about that story that's psychotic. Oh, yeah. There's so much about that. Red flag alert. I mean, fuck.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Good for you. Me too. I was the same way. It's easy to go to college. It takes a lot of guts to fucking pass it up.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
One of the Tonys had to go home because his wife called. So... Is that what it is?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Are you kidding? We wept. We fucking wept. Jason Sanford, we wept. We turned and we were like, this is unbelievable.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
I kept saying I had no idea he had this in him. I had no idea. You could never tell. From any of his past work, you had no idea. No idea. So out of left field.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
No, Jason would say, when he'd leave auditions, Jason, what would you say to them?
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You know what I think they took issue with was the wink that you gave them with that. Yeah. Was when you gave them a full wink with this and then a wink.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
You don't need to apologize ever for anything. We love you. Yes, love. A lot.
SmartLess
"Vince Vaughn"
Do you remember any of the dialogue from any of those that you've never been able to share? Or any scene that you've been like, fuck.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
But you sit in an office for an hour, like you got to feel like you got something there.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Oh! I'm so sorry, Mr. Goodman. Hiya, fellas. Oh, no. I can't follow that. Johnny Goodman. Well done, Will. Mr. John Goodman.
SmartLess
"John Goodman"
Just living your dream with a bunch of pasta sauce in your pants, huh? This is my buddy Hackett.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Man, I always forget how chilly it gets when I do a cold open. But man, I probably should have worn a hat. Even gloves would have been nice. But anyway, before I freeze my beans off, welcome to Smart Lift.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
No, Zach Galifianakis is a stand-up. He's the funniest person in person, which is hard to believe because he's so funny on stage and in stuff.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Incredibly funny. We'll be right back. Having said all that, what I wanted to know, Lisa, who is in your class? Wasn't Conan?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Oh, oh, sorry. I thought you were going to go the other way. He might make you quit. We'll cut that one, Will.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Have you been trimming it now because you've got it at a length that you like?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
But you might want to do a lap on that one, though. Sure. I'd do a lap. An influential vote. David Spade, sorry, just had another comedian who's very funny off.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
No, but even if somebody gives you the question, no, it would be hard just to give the impression that I'm interested. Right.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Well, Amanda, Amanda has been into us a bunch of times and I, and even last, you know, to anybody who'll listen. And then I, last weekend at dinner, she was, she was chewing somebody's ear off about, and then he just looks like somebody new and different. I heard her. I forgot. I forget who she was sitting next to.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
I don't know. I'm just looking at Lisa and I'm remembering. Lisa, have I ever told you this? I'm remembering the first time we ever met. Uh-oh. We've gone on to work together. Lisa and I did BoJack Horseman together. We've done some stuff, right?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
My God. Best show. You were so great on it. But the first time we met, it was like the first year of Arrested Development. And somehow we were at the Beverly Hills Hotel. There was something going on. You were meeting someone for lunch. Do you remember this?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
I think I told you this. And you were still on Friends. It was still like maybe this last year. Okay. And I was such a huge fan, as you know, because I've bored you with it at least so many times, such a huge fan of the comeback. I mean, I just freaking loved it. What a genius, underappreciated show. You were so brilliant in it, and our good friend Mike Schur. Thanks.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
was on the staff and just an amazing amazing amazing show for me was a mind blower and so i just said hi to you and we sort of said hi and i made some stupid joke and you you don't and you go oh you are kind of like your character on that show and i walked to my car and i was like fucking what i was being funny i know i was trying to be funny It really hurt my feelings.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
No, I didn't get in. No, I didn't get in an accident. But I was like... Because she was like a big star. You know what I mean? And I was like... Yeah.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Of course. So when you went in for the part of Phoebe on Friends, you knew Jimmy already. Jimmy Burroughs, for those who don't know, directed the pilot and a bunch of the first season of Friends, the great Jimmy Burroughs, whom we all adore.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
So when you went to audition for that, he was already very familiar with you and loved you, evidently.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Like it's hopeless or it's perfect. Do you remember, so you do that, that's probably in the spring of like 94, maybe 93, something like that, right? Of Friends, where you do the pilot. 94, right? So I was right the first time. No.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
I don't know. And you do the pilot, you shoot the pilot, and do you remember the different, like... Do you have a moment like a year later or six months later where you're like, holy shit, my life has changed so quickly?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then your dad's scrambling to find somebody to hand out the Tylenol. You kind of screwed your dad over a little bit luckily.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
What about the sleeve? Does Marty roll his sleeves up ever? Because Michael Bluth rolled his sleeves up.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, it's such a funny, you guys, well, we've talked about it a little bit, but you've been fired from a role that you just weren't right for before, have you? I have, I mean, sort of.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Well, first of all, no, the year before I got fired off that pilot, the show became still standing. And when it got picked up for a series and I didn't get picked up, but it never felt right. And had I not been fired, at the time I was like, fuck, what a great job. Had I not been fired, I wouldn't have been available for rest of development.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
My thing was like, I was so, I ended up getting fired. And I said, I was kind of like, fuck them. And I was living in New York at the time. Amy was doing SNL. And I was like, I'm going to do, I happened to do, you know what? That summer, I happened to do, or no, a couple summers before, I happened to do a reading at New York Stage and Film, one of those reading things at Vassar.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Yeah, so you're there for like a week and you're kind of workshopping a new play. And I met this playwright and this director. And he ended up calling me and saying, I'm going to do this play with the new group off Broadway. And so I was like, I'm just going to stay in New York and do theater and fuck TV. That was my thing was like, they're not firing me. I'm firing them.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
I'm firing the whole TV business like they cared. Yeah, right. That'll show them. But that kind of made me get my head around it and feel better about myself. That's how I dealt with it.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
And also, Lisa, think about it. Similarly to you, within a year, my life changed after that moment where I thought it was all done. Yeah. My life changed forever. It's the same for you.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Lisa, let me ask you this on this subject, because I was just talking about it, because sometimes, I'm sure you guys have had it too, like, you know, my parents will be like, so-and-so's grandnephew wants to be an actor. Well, you talk to him, and I always think, like, I want to be generous, but also, and I was just talking about it two hours ago, and of... What would I say?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
What would you do if you were 20 years old today starting over again? It's such a different world from when we all started.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Certainly the show business is so much different because of social media, et cetera. What would you say to somebody who is trying to do what you're doing? To a 20-year-old you today, what would you say?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Yeah, I agree. And I think that you're right. And we've talked about this before again, which is I've never believed, I think it's really dangerous to tie your self-worth into what you're doing.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Right? But at the same time, JB, think about it. Your perspective is different because you grew up working.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Right. How are you feeling at the end of your directing? Did it go, did everything kind of pretty much go where you wanted to?
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Well, yeah, but I mean, that's the... I'm speaking more to the phenomena of Netflix than anything else, but... It was so popular and it's undeniable, right? So, like, we're just sort of stating the obvious. It was so incredibly popular and still is, but so popular and also so internationally popular.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
It was so big, it kind of, it was able to do a thing that very few American shows did, which was sort of transcend sort of language and all sorts of things. I mean, every one of my adult friends in the UK are massive fans of Friends in a way that's really... Everybody I know. It's true.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
So this is a recurring theme. So when you go like, oh, you're just like your character. Like that's just something, your filter.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Yeah. Yeah, she's awesome. And just such a talent. Yeah, and she's so... It's funny that she plays that character of Phoebe on Friends who's sort of kind of out there and whatever, and yet Lisa's so razor sharp, like so smart.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
You know what that reminds me of? Sorry, it just made me think. Years ago, more than 15 years ago, we had finished shooting, it was about to be released, Blades of Glory, the ice skating movie. Yeah. Me and Farrell and Amy and everybody. I love that movie. Fun movie. Directed by the great Will Speck and Josh Gordon. Our friends Will and Josh directed him.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
So I remember I was in a cab going downtown in New York on Broadway just above Canal Street, and I was talking to Will on my cell phone. I guess it was probably pre, just pre, smartphone, talking to Will. And as I was talking to him, this woman comes up to the window of the cab and she's holding a bootleg copy. The movie hasn't been released yet. Bootleg copies of Blades of Glory. And I said...
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Hey, Will, do you want me to grab you a copy of the movie? We hadn't even had the premiere yet.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
You were right there on Canal, right? Remember piracy was like so super bad, like the physical piracy? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
As soon as you said married to a Frenchman, I knew it was Lisa. Yeah. Michelle Stone. Michelle. Michelle. Michelle Stone.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Well, you know, I've spoken French with Michel many times, but he... You're right. He doesn't, he won't slow it down for you. So if you don't keep up, then he'll just flip to English because he's like, I'm not going to waste my time.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
No, but you look great. Your lighting is good. Your lighting is good, and I love that you have enough self-respect to, like, blur out your background, because you don't... Like, Sean wants us all to look at his Canon printer. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
But you're like, I'm going to be front and center. You look great. Your lighting looks great. You look phenomenal.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
I'm so happy to see you in your house in L.A. It makes me feel really good, and I know that we're going to see you later.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
That looks really nice like that. It's a shallow depth of field. Because at least you can kind of see this. Okay.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
No, she said yeah. I wanted to say yeah to the party. You kept talking. You didn't listen. She answered.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
So what was the impetus for that? So you come out of high school, you're kicking ass in science and math and you're like, yeah, I'm going to,
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
But wait, so Lisa, so your dad was a, Sean, did you say that? Did he say it right? Your dad was specialized in headaches? Yeah. So what's that? Talk to us a little bit about that.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
I got two headaches on the line with me every day. Okay, how do you get rid of them? Maybe you can help me get rid of them.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
You just don't want to have Tylenol? I mean, this sounds like a pretty shady operation.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Oh, no way. You too, Sean? No way. What a weird coincidence. Oh, you liked Saturday Night Live? Fucking breaking news. Jesus Christ.
SmartLess
"Lisa Kudrow"
Well, also, also, it's a lot of fun. Oh, like you get to laugh and have fun all the time. See, that's a little secret. That feels good. Instead of trying to make people cry.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
It makes your job harder, does it not? Or I'm asking you, when you wake up in the morning and you have people who say that they're opposed to what you do or what you believe or whatever, and yet you still have to govern and serve them no matter what. And it seems, right? And the other guy... He has no problem throwing anybody who's not with him under the bus.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Frankly, a little shameful. As the newest American here, because I'm Canadian originally.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I'm excited, too. Can I just say, we're sitting here in this hotel room, as we've already said, It's 2024. Four years ago, less than four years ago, we started doing this podcast. It was a COVID baby, as we call it. Came out of the gate with Dax Shepard. Came out of the gate with Dax Shepard, which was great, but I set the bar high with Dax. And then now here we are in New York.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Look, again, I love this country. I am so... You better. I'm Canadian. It is the best country in the world. Well, you've only been to two countries, but... But it's... He watches CNN International, though. It's true. I'm in the Canada. No, I agree with that. And by the way, it's a phenomenal country. When it's at its best, it is the best.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
President Biden, do you know that Kim Jong-un, he had 18 holes in one once? Yeah, absolutely. We're not far off that with this guy.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Four years later, scraping the bottom of the barrel with a dude and his buddies. We got Rob Armjarv, and we got Bennett Barbacow, and we got MGT, Michael the G. Terry. And we're all here in New York, and it's fucking wild, guys. And I want to say to you guys, this is cool. This is one of those life moments, right? You got to stop and recognize it.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
We can't be sure of that. We're not positive of the cyber side. But does President Obama, like he picks up and he goes, hang on, I'm going to add President Clinton. I'm going to merge calls.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And also not to think that you're the... You're the smartest guy about it. You're going to have every... We've had leaders like that in the middle part of the last century who were put into government by presidents of old, and they made a lot of decisions that they thought that they were right about, and they were... Terrible people.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And when you let somebody... When that happens, when you think that you've got all the answers is the moment you don't.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Michael, I just want to say, Michael, how is it for you? Delightful. Delightful. That's it.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
What are those things that you look back on? Because the other guy has, as we know, no capacity for this. And President Obama, I'll start with you. What are the things that you think about that keep you... Are there things that you look back and you go, geez, I wish that had worked out a little bit better?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Bennett, what do you think? It feels... It's amazing. It's weird, right? Wow, these adjectives are incredible.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
We have been reminding ourselves to be present, though, and take a breath. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty cool.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Well, President Biden, I'm so glad to hear you say that because that was going to be my other question, which is, the Democrats never said we want to take your guns away.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I asked you, President Biden, last time if you'd make me golf czar, and you never answered me.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I want to know, like... I just wanted to say we're kind of back where we started, which was the whole idea of the messaging and what's good for people. And we're all so hung up on, are you Democrat? Are you blue or red?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Mikey, who drove when he was doing... Do you know Sean did a play on Broadway last year? No. Yeah. And it was called Go Get Me, Oscar. I think.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
So this whole idea that we got to somehow make it great again is a fallacy.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
You got to fill in with fear. Because we've never been in better. And my next question, Die Hard, is it a Christmas movie? LAUGHTER
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Great story. No, but here's the best part. Sean pulls out and he goes, he turns to Scottie and he goes, look at this. And we go, what? And he goes, he's got like $31. He goes, look at all this money. And we go, yeah. And I go, so the pants are clean. Obviously, today's a big event for you. Yeah, exactly. So the dry cleaner's just... He hasn't been here for six months.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Don't forget that Trump's dad once said, get that family out of 14G. Hey, listen. Listen. If this comes out and we... And it's helpful at all. Is there a chance that the three of us could be on a bill of your designation, President Biden? Maybe a special $250 bill or something? Yeah, something like that. With our dumb faces on it. Yeah, I think it should be. Think about it.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Don't give us an answer. We'll see you at the inauguration. $3 bill. $3 bill. Thank you.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
But anyway. Honestly, listen, we've taken up way too much of your time. You gentlemen are very, very busy. We thank you. Really, really cool. Thank you.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
You know, Sean was disappointed because he had heard, he was having the impression that we were going to have a visit to the Secret Circus, and he thought that that was the thing. He thought that there was a secret, yeah. I bought peanuts. And he said he wanted to see bears riding bicycles.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
They were very chillaxed. I found them to be very chillaxed, and that's how I would describe them.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I gotta say, I felt pretty chillaxed. If you say it one more time, I'm gonna hang up.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I don't know if I want to get into more like the fact that you're a dad or that we're back in 2017. I don't know which one I want to hit first. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Fuck me, man. You're killing me. This is a group? You are killing me. I do want to say with the presidents, it was incredible. You know, and I mentioned this too, which was that the one thing that you can't deny, no matter where you are on the sort of political spectrum, if you will... is that under President Biden, the Jobs numbers have been incredible.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And I think that he has earned the moniker Joe Jobs. Joe Jobs. He is, to me, he's Joe Jobs. That is great.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Sean, how do you decide what clothes stay here in your apartment in New York? Like, what's the math that you do on that?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
No, and we never went into that recession that they thought would happen and that a lot of that was due to supply chain stuff, issues, et cetera, et cetera. So we're definitely back on. But the one thing that you can't argue with is the jobs. Like, it's just irrefutable, right? So, again, I don't care where you fall. I'm not saying he's better than your guy or your guy, whatever. I mean, he is.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbico, and
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yes. Thank you. But they're in a five pant cut. Well, look at Jason. Jason's in corduroys and a, and a. Yeah, but Jason, I mean, Jason looks like he's doing a whole different.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
You look good. I said before, you look very rugged and sexy. Thank you very much. I'm playing a guy that's made a lot of bad decisions. You know what I like about you? Your hair's long enough that when you're wearing the headphones right now, it's keeping the hair back, and you've got kind of like a soccer, like a European soccer player vibe. He's slowly winking at you.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yeah, mine obviously have more to do with relations with Canada. Sure. Is that one of the borders we're closing? I hope not. You know, because how are we going to get all our stuff across, eh? I'm still moving cigarettes. Fuck, I don't care. I'm mulling some of that sticky BC bud through the interior. I'm coming down through Fernie BC, eh? My brother found a good path last year.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Well, you know what's interesting is that the three of them obviously are very connected and they're all sort of from the same sort of class of, of Democrats in that, right, that they were around. Obama was a rising star. You know, President Biden's been around since the 70s. He was a senator, et cetera. Obama came up as this young star in the early 2000s.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Guys, take a breath and think about what this is about to be. It's fucking insane, you guys. It's insane. Do you guys have good questions? Sort of. I have areas.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Nobody will forget his fiery speech at the Democratic Convention in 2004, how amazing that was. Yeah, that was amazing. Clinton was a governor and, yeah. Clinton was a governor and then he was a superstar back to back. Arkansas, right? Yes, Arkansas.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
but back-to-back President of the United States. So they all, I think, have very... My point is they're similarly minded when it comes to sort of policy. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yeah. I mean, you didn't even see George W. and his dad together. Didn't they?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
These are not... By the way, we have to do this. If we don't do the three tenors right after this, I quit.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Exactly. Well, guys, I'm honored to be here, not just with them. I'm honored to be here with you guys. Likewise. Not just in the podcast, but in life. Tell me your name more. It still will. And I'm really psyched that I get to be here with you guys during this. Likewise.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I mean, judging by your show, Jason, it seems like a pretty dangerous part of the world, too.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Oh, good. I'll just follow you. I was not joking when I said, I think it's good that we have questions, but I also want to entertain conversation and listening. Let's just make it a conversation. And through conversation, questions will come out. Is that right?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And your questions are only going to grow as to why you did it, as we get into it. We were saying earlier, four years ago, we started this podcast during COVID as a way to kind of connect with each other. And we ended up connecting with a lot of people out there. And for us, it's a real thrill to be here. Did you ever get Trump? Couldn't make his deal. No, we're letting other people get him.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Yeah. Well done, Will. Thank you. Bravo, bravo. But it is momentous for us, and especially during this time that we're in right now, to have your time. So we thank you for your time. Yeah, yeah, this is huge.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
Well, and I'll say that, Mr. President, not to cut you off, but you have accomplished a lot of incredible things. And all three of you did in your presidencies did amazing things. President Clinton, you left this country with a surplus, which is the first time it had been done in a number of years. President Obama, you passed the Affordable Care Act, really started to tackle social issues.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
President Biden, you know, you look at your jobs numbers. You look at the way you're battling inflation, which has not been easy. And you've done it with a lot of headwind. And you've had a lot of people, a lot of voices. And we live in a time where there are a lot of voices.
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
And my question is, considering the amazing work that all three of you have done, and especially what you're doing right now, President Biden, It's so difficult. The messaging is so tough to get the message out there because there is so much noise. What can you do?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
There was a cavity search. It wasn't long enough, actually. And Sean went back for seconds. And they said, we don't want anybody to come back for a second. It's not Thanksgiving. You're clean. He said, can I come back tomorrow to get cold leftovers?
SmartLess
"3 Presidents"
I gotta put on my radio voice. We can say where we are, because it's... It's after the fact.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
No, I think they gave him my number because they were like, it's Jon Stewart. What if you'd hung up the phone with Jon Stewart and then the woman at the desk at Harrods said, sir, your underwater moped has been paid for by Mr. Stewart. And you're like, fuck, I gotta... This guy. Yeah, I got to go.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
But the finer minutiae, you know, of filibustering and, you know... Sorry to interrupt again, but the John Boehner story, was it about him crying and some kind of, like, hungover with, like, red wine on his teeth?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Okay. So 2015, and then you're doing a comedy tour. Jon Stewart's hassling you. And at the time, what kind of comedy stuff were you into?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Because in most parts of the world, just being engaged is sort of your civic duty. That's the baseline. No matter where you're in, South Africa or Dubai, isn't it full of rich people or something? Anyway. That's the spot.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
JB, he was close. He almost didn't make it through the weekend, and then the doctor decided to revive him with two almonds.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Well, first of all, We ruled out immediately food poisoning. Yeah. Right. Because it would have had to have been bad lettuce. Well, because you would have had to eat. Eat, yeah. So that's off the table. I know. I mean, it was not the flu. The flu, like if you'd had like a stomach bug, it would have moved faster.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
We've got them on a separate volume. I'm still on serve. Sean, real quick, Sean. Sean, real quick. Any follow-up questions about the chocolate factory? It's not a real place. But if you have anything that you'd like to... Isn't that full of people who like chocolate?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Are you writing a screenplay about it now? Hey, Trevor, would you venture to say that actually coming here, kind of a...
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
follow up to what Jay was saying, that being an outsider gave you your perspective almost a bit of an advantage, I would suggest, because you don't have American politics or what we've sort of takes for granted as to how the system works and what the dynamics are between the different
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
the left and the right, if you will, just to make it as basic as possible because you come in with a different perspective.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
The irony that you look so much like Ted Kaczynski right now while you're saying this. is fucking killing me.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
So to that, did you ever feel genuinely threatened in a way that was not just a sort of a random kind of... Sure, of course.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah. Can I get some tickets for the April 12th show? That's the craziest thing. That's so fucking crazy. I guess it stands to reason that you would get threats. I mean, do you get threats immediately upon doing it? I guess I'm sure that a lot of the threats were, we can all take our pick what they could be about. You're a lefty. Yeah. Right?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. It'd be great if the longevity thing killed you.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
So you, you're right. You started, you came to America, as Jay says, right at the beginning of the, they were just putting the kerosene, the kindling on the dumpster fire that we all now live in. That's been your experience of America. Let me just say, we've had some good times here, dude. Yeah. I'm now amended with it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
If I get the time machine, what I'm doing is I'm grabbing Trevor and I'm taking him back to like the mid-90s into the mid-2000s because we had a lot of fun. It looked like a lot of fun. It really was. It looked like a lot of fun.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, I mean, I hate... Manchester City as a football club. Wait, what? Yeah, I hate Man City. But then I also love Pep Guardiola, and I love Haaland, and I love Kevin De Bruyne. I've never met anybody who has a... Because I'm a Liverpool supporter, a massive Liverpool supporter.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I like Pep Guardiola, I like Haaland, I like De Bruyne, I like Phil Foden, I like all their players, so I don't really hate them. But I have to because they're my... I do hate the Boston Bruins. That's a hockey team. That I do. I do hate the Boston Bruins. Fucking send me your letters. I don't give a shit. Fuck you. I fucking hate it more than you fucking... Like, hate me.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
But Trevor, and I'm not being coy here at all. Maybe this is... I think you've probably noticed in this country, certainly, that there's not a lot of appreciation in any aspect of life for nuance in this country.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, and it's very binary, and it's always sort of a zero-sum game. That is part of the American experience. You win, you lose. There's no nuance. That is true.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Or vice versa. Everything's half and half. Yeah. Right. Everything's right in the middle. Yeah. Well, if you think, and this is true, I think, for politics in general, and so I don't mean to come off as completely naive, but the idea that the actual politics are more important than the policy is absurd, right? All of the politics is supposed to be a mechanism by which we sort of...
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
that sort of drives policy, right? And that should be what people are concerned about, what the actual issues are, and they're not. They're much more invested in the game of it, and as you said, the win or lose of the game.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
You know what I mean? And also think about the idea that, look, it's the spring of an election year. Of course, and again, at risk of sounding completely naive, of course they have to pit them against each other because they need to drive ratings because we know that all of it is driven by commerce. Everything in this country is driven by commerce.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And so if there's no race, if there's no, they have to say, so-and-so's leading by this. If the election were today, these are the weak spots. He's ahead. She's ahead. He's going to crush. He's not going to crush. They have to keep us in the game.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, because they need us to watch the commercials in between. So if you really want to get mad at it, get mad at CNN and MSNBC and Fox and all of them because all they're doing is in service of commerce.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Well, imagine if you imagine we lived in a world where you can just all you did was you weren't voting. There were there was no such thing as a party and you just voted on issues. Yeah, right. We'll be right back.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I know. Incredible. I'm not a huge... A lot of the music of the Grammys is not really my taste generally. What do you mean? It's all kinds of music on the Grammys. No, but I'm such a, like, 90s indie rock fan. Oh, right. So they would have awarded your bands years ago. Yeah, if it was like Bill to Spill and Dinosaur Jr. and the Pixies, I would have been like, ah, great.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
But then I watched that Tracy Chapman, and you just forget what an unreal fucking talent she is.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Hey. Hi, everybody. From the original sort of lead-in or set-up, I thought it was like, this is like a newscaster. We got like Walter Cronkite coming in.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
JB, do you remember that? I do not. He doesn't remember anything. By the way, don't take it personally.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Why are you saying early? Do you think you're young? I'm not that young. Did you just slide a fucking compliment into yourself? Oh, here's another one.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Interesting. It was funny that you said that. Now that I remember you saying that, and I was thinking like, man, he's really into Formula 1. He's really honed in on me on the Formula 1, and he's been looking.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Did you say that to him, JB? Yeah. It's funny. I had somebody else at the thing as well that same night after you, Trevor. I won't say it is because I don't know whose guest it is. Come up to me. And it's somebody I've known a long time. And I go, what's up, dude? And he goes, I'm coming to talk to you on your stupid podcast. And I go, well, I didn't know that asshole. Oh, God.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
By the way, Trevor, let me just tell you something. You looked really good on Sunday. You looked very sharp.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
You know, I think that when you said women have it so tough, they were expecting something a little more than the shoes and the gown, but okay. Well, it's childbirth. This is how we get into it, right? This is how we get into it. This is the entree. The stuff they've got to deal with.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Trevor, I want to, you know, I brought it up at the start of talking about Africa, and I want to know how often you get back to Africa. I'm so, I've never been. I've never been either. I want to go. And I feel like I've, Depriving myself.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Let me just add that can I go with you I want to go because you're kind of like the dude I Do you get back off that I go back all the time
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Yeah, I agree with you. And I moved here when I was 20 from Canada, so it wasn't that far. But I do agree that there's so many great things. And I give this country a lot of shit, but I've been here a long time. And there's so many great things about this country, and I agree with you.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
But it's important for us to point out this stuff, you know, to be honest about the shortcomings because it's the only way. Yeah, and to care for it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And the wheels fall off, and it also inexplicably will lose power when it's traveling from Australia to New Zealand and fall 500 feet in a second. The point is, I get what you're saying, but it's like sex, too. It's like even when it's bad, it's still sex, right? Guys, are we saying that? Sure, yeah. Are we going to go with that? I mean, is that the last thing we're going to get Trevor?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
What a fucking delight. What an absolute delight. This is so great. Let me get your number. Let's hang out. We should do that. I'll let you know when I'm in.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
He's not a bad man. We actually should, and I actually will do it. I actually will. I like that.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Simba. I feel like he's kidding, but I'm going to take him at his word. I'm going to take him at his word.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I really like that Trevor Noah. I really like him. Cool it. Cool it. No, I know. I really like him. You were spoken for, and so is he all day. No, I know. I think that he's a special dude. I really like him. He's got a great vibe. Yeah, so smart.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
He's like a real international superstar. Yeah, yeah. Comedy superstar. The real deal. Because most of the comedians that we know who are our friends who we adore, but they're all going to fucking Denver and Omaha and shit, right? Like a bunch of fucking ding-dongs, right? But then you got Trevor Noah and he's in Singapore. I mean, all our fucking stupid American comedian friends can suck it.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Trevor's out in the world. Places, right? Sophisticated. He's sophisticated.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Let's go for the definition of it. Go ahead, Sean. Try to be less articulate. Go ahead.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
Hey, JB, JB, before Rob, Rob, show yourself again real quick. Just let's see Armjarv. And he said, JB, Rob says to Sean, I've got your favorite sports team on my head. Says spaghetti. That's very good. Says spaghetti. That's fun.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
That's how knowing someone works. Do you think Einstein, he apologized to physics before he learned it?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
I'm so with you, then you're not at the effect of outside circumstances. So, Trevor, so walk me through. So you come up in a place that is almost, you know, that has just a very new comedy scene, if you will.
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And... Now you go, you start touring, you do lots of great stuff, then you take over The Daily Show and you just absolutely explode into the comedy world. When you go back to South Africa, is it safe to say that you're kind of like the first big South African comedy star? Oh, yeah. Is there a lot of pressure associated with that?
SmartLess
"Trevor Noah"
And it's not like worst part just to clarify for the listener in that it's dangerous. It's just more that it's shitty.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And a lot of people I know... So that part of it was amazing, and it just... Did you talk? Honestly, I did not. I did a thing at the tribute at the Hollywood Bowl, but...
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Dude, I would have been, first of all, all the clothing I was wearing would have to be thrown out. My pants would be filled with defecate. Sean, one time, what was the thing, Sean, you said at the Grove, you and Scotty parked on P4 and you ended up taking the stairs all the way down, right? Because the elevator's broken, what we're saying? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that was my scariest moment.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
last time i did i saw one of the i saw one of the great speeches last night that down no no danny wasn't there one of the great speeches i've ever seen as a sort of that was set up as a non-roast and ended up being a roast and it really blew me away so hilarious um wait roasted jimmy after he's passed
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, but as a tribute to him, an old friend of his, a guy who's been friends with him for sort of 50, 60 years, and it was just, it was so good. And our friend Tom Freston, who's a friend of the podcast, made a great speech. You haven't had him on yet. No, I'm going to. He's the most interesting man on the planet. Can't make his deal.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Wait, Jared, you know that I know Shannon Little. We have mutual friends. I know Shannon Little.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I get it. You're hungry. Sorry. So... So... So... But what I wanted to know about was when you say... It's interesting when you say, like, you don't want to disappoint anybody or you don't want to let anybody down. And when you're on... tour and you're on stage, is that your brother? Is that Shannon? When you're working on a film, is that all the people around you? Is that the people at home?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Well, we're looking to... Because he wants a piece, and he's just like, and he said, send me over the numbers. I want to look and see. Wait, who's Tom Freston? I met Tom Freston.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Is that an idea, sort of a general idea of letting people down? Like, is that something you've always had?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Dude, his stories are... He's just the best. Well, we'll see if you can book him. I think he's writing a book right now, which will be... Anyway, yeah, it was just, it was so, so, so, so good. But the reason I brought it up was this. At this thing, midsummer, and so many people, and now this many people come up to me and they go, either, wow, you're really tan, or why are you so tan, right?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
share things and you know it's beautiful to share well can I can I say this that maybe this will prime you a little bit so I I've been joking recently that I know I've been saying to people for a guy who's a loud mouth know-it-all me I know embarrassingly little about art and it's been like this blind spot that I've had my whole life and I and I kind of started to own it recently.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And from the moment I started saying that, I've started meeting all these artists, painters. I've met three new painters in the last 24 hours alone who have revealed to me, oh, I'm a painter. And so I've been reading this book about the cooning I'm boring these guys about, but I'm reading this book about... It's kind of like now, because I've been putting it out there, it's been coming.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And I said to Alessandra, my partner, this morning, we rode our bikes down to the beach. I'm out here in Long Island. I rode my bike down to the beach and I said... I can't believe I'm saying this. I think I'm going to start painting. Yeah, I get it. I love that. And I'm embarrassed because I feel like a fucking cliche. And I'm like, I don't give a shit.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I fucking feel it. And I don't know anything. I really don't. I'm a fucking novice of novices. But I feel really connected to it. That's awesome.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And people can't help themselves but make a personal remark. And you know what I do? You know what I say? And I go, they'll go, wow, you're so tan. And I'll go, thank you so much. Right. Right. And I just take it as a compliment.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
But by the way, Sean, you got accused. Didn't you have hundreds of photos of these guys? No, he said skies. Skies. He said, skies.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, we would just burn immediately. JB, you hold quite a bit of color too. Let's be honest. When you play golf, you're pretty tan. But I don't say to you every day, man, you're so tan.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, because you're a movie star and you're in a rock band. It doesn't seem like a perfect spot for an introvert to live. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Le Grand Bleu, c'est incroyable. C'est le web, one cigarette. Well, I take one, no, I see my mistress, I have a coffee, two point cigarettes, I don't know. Et puis, c'est ça, coucou.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Every French person, Sean, every French person that come in the room is sort of like saying hi and they'll go, cuckoo. Why is that? I had this woman who I worked with and I was living in the south of France and I could hear her from there and go, cuckoo. Why cuckoo?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Or when you choke yourself out, how long you can stay before... When I get my belt around the top of the door, Jim... when I'm trying to just, when I'm trying to squeeze one out.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I'm going to say three and a half minutes, Jared. That's my, Jason said three. I'm going to say four. I'll say four.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, I know. First of all, are people okay with their bones with you describing your V-neck dad butt? But you know what it is? I spend a lot of time, like, you know me. You guys, I'm not like out in the Caribbean. Actually, I was last month. I'm at the pool. I'm in the pool with the kids. I was in the Caribbean a month ago. So that's part of it. And we got it. Sean, go for Sean.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Jared, why don't you just like take up reading, man, or something? Why are you jumping off cliffs or swimming in the cliffs?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah, I should note that I don't think I've been wonderfully sober. I think I've had a few missteps over the years, definitely. For me, it's been a process. No, of course it's okay. It's been a process for me, or as we say in Canada, a process. Sure. But we... But you get to know yourself a little bit better, and I do find those things.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
It's a combination of what Jared said and what Jason said, which for me is about being present and being okay with being present and trying to accept where I am. It's all about powerlessness and all that sort of stuff and realizing it and realizing where you are and where you sit in the world. I don't know about you guys. I've thought a lot.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And not to a crazy degree, but I've been thinking a lot more about my mortality the last few years. We're on the back side. Yeah, and I think about, I was saying last night, Jared, you might have heard me waxing on about this memorial I went to. And I was like thinking about we all are here for this one visit. We're not making another trip. We got five minutes left. We're on this.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
And so it better be good. And we better be happy. And we're all just trying to figure out how to get through it the best way.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
I like that. It puts it in context that we can kind of understand a little bit better, maybe, too.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
He's so good, JB. And you're so right. And that is one of those things that the great actors all kind of share, which is they don't talk about their process in that way.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Just enjoy it. Yeah, they're not looking for, they're like, let the performance speak for itself. And then I'll talk to you about my life and stuff, but I'm not going to kind of walk you through so that you're impressed with my process.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Right. Yeah. Well, he's good. It's decided he's really good at what he does. Yeah. And by the way, what he does, and then he has this, and it's so, it's odd.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
That works so hard. He works harder than you. Obviously, Sean right now working on a buy. No, I was going to say.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Bye. I can see you. Sorry. Bye. Smart. Less. Smart. Less. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarv, Bennett Barbico, Thank you.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Just try to get a word in. If I can say anything about podcasts, this is the first time any of us had done one. We started it four years ago and we have not got any better.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Let me just say this. Okay. Nothing is more insulting to me, virtually nothing, than suggesting that it's a spray tan. Go F yourself. I earned this. Oh.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
No, it's kind of amazing. Jared, how old are you? Are you over 50? 52. That's what I'm saying. Shut the fuck up. You look great. Yeah. You guys look great.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah. I mean, honestly, you could play, and I mean this, and I love everybody here, including you, Jerry, because now you're with us. You could play Jason's son.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Wait, Jared, I don't know if you guys saw it. Did you start, did you announce your tour? Did I see this? Did you climb the Empire State Building or some shit? Yeah, I saw that. What the fuck is that?
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Kind of wrapped around my chair. Mine's pretty much... You know... You know what I've been doing lately, and this is a true story. We went to this big... I know this is going to air later, but we had a beautiful event last night. For Jimmy Buffett? For my friend Jimmy Buffett. I was going to ask you about that. It was awesome, and it was really beautiful, and some great speeches and stuff.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
Yeah. Jared, do you know that every night, and this is true, Jason, you'll attest to this, every single night you get roped up, right? You don't smoke it. I guess you chew it. But you get a head full of rope every night. Wait a second. So, Jared, I've seen a lot of those. I loved all those, like Free Solo and the other one about...
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
The guys who climbed in Tibet, all those amazing Sherpas, you know that story, they climbed all those peaks. What was that one? They climbed like the seven peaks, was it? Yeah, it was called something like that. Yes, but sort of the one consistent thing about all of them was that they just had this...
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
That thing that I don't think most people have, which I guess you have, which is that sort of they're missing that thing of having fear that most of us have, which that I have. You know, I start to get weak. My knees get weak when I climb a ladder that's above 10 feet. You know what I mean? I'm like, fuck, man. If I fall, I'm going to die. Right.
SmartLess
"Jared Leto"
So my question is for you is because all those people seem to have it and you have it, Did you always have that or did you kind of, did it just over time develop?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Did you have those, like, training mishaps where you end up getting clocked in the face by the guy or you clock somebody in the face while you...
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Our JB, our buddy. You're going to play five, huh? Football legend, Gareth Bale.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
He's really, really smart. You know, it's funny. You watch those movies, specifically those Boston movies, and if you ask people from Boston one of the things that they hate, and you guys did such a good job in that movie. And I've talked about this with Matt before, too.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
You watch other movies where people do Boston accents, and I'm not going to name them because there are a lot of really big names, really famous actors who've done big Boston movies, and the accents are fucking terrible. And people from Boston hate it. They get pissed off. And if these people had any idea, and I'm talking big, shiny names.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
It sort of rhymes with... Dude, dude, let me say this, dude. Fucking, you're not going to get me fucking classic baby trying to get me to say something about these fucking... No, you know what? I fucking, I used to work, I worked for fucking Dead and Fire Department. Fucking, my brother works for the fucking Edison. Shut the fuck up, dude. No, fuck you.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I got to say, Sean, you've got a lot of chutzpah to use the word chutzpah. Chutzpah was the extra chutzpah. Where do you get a, I mean, you know.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well, it's funny, because you are such a sort of actor's actor, too. You know what I mean? Like, you've got, like... Very natural. Yeah, very natural, and you've got this thing, and you're very serious, and you can tell that you take your craft really seriously, and that you're very, you know, everything's well thought out. Nothing's by mistake. You're not just hoping to get lucky in a take.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
You know what I mean? Yeah, and so it's funny that it kind of came to you later, because it seems like it's really such a... It comes so naturally.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
What if you came home, you've been away for a couple weeks, and then you just looked around and you just started to notice, like, some of my stuff was there?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Your underwear's in the sauna. Yeah. That would be awful. That's disgusting. And you just notice Amanda's wearing an oversized shirt to bed, and you're like, hey, is that Will's shirt?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I want to hear about that. Yeah, me too. And can you talk a little bit about that? I mean, obviously, we all, you know, heard the devastating news when the accident happened. And then, of course, that you sort of pulled through and obviously pulled through with colors now. But what a time in your life. And just walk us through that a little bit, if you could.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Okay, well, so now it's also a yogurt thing? Might want to take the just off the top of that. Welcome to Smart List.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
But also it's that feeling... Just getting that love, right, feels so good.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
No. No, I was saying that if you go, if you go, you know where, you know, well, there's a guy, J-Rock, I told you about.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, and he's got that DMT, and if you... J-Rock. J-Rock, he'd go for a weekend. He does a week, a weekend, he does a weekend if you take the 118.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Jeremy, did you have... I mean, this shift in perspective is... remarkable i'm sure and i can see the weight of it and and i can't appreciate it the way that you can obviously but has this i imagine and you kind of touched on it but talk a little bit about what that shift in perspective has done for you in practical terms on a day-to-day level yeah i think the clarity um
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Sean feels the same. Sean, you got a lot of help from the Frito-Lay company. Yeah. They do a lot of work with you. Well, they know what I need. They make the bags a little bit easier to open. The McConnell Ice Cream Company also is one of your... Haagen-Dazs. Haagen-Dazs. Haagen-Dazs, sure.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, yeah. Well, you will one day. Jeremy, talk a little bit, if you will, about, because you kind of mentioned it about this sort of this creative, this sort of we're all connected, this sort of collective consciousness that is a lot more sort of real and visceral than we think, and rather just an idea in your relationship with...
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
maybe God even, or higher power, or whatever that is, where do you land on all that stuff? And you guys too, I don't know.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
But JB, there's also the idea, there's an idea to, first of all, I love plugging into a slot, but I would say, that's just OCD, but But I would say this, I would say, you know, those days when it also... For me anyway, my experience is it's really important to whatever energy I'm putting out there, whatever I'm putting in the world, I'm going to get back.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And what you were saying, like finding the open spot or whatever, if I'm driving on the highway or if I'm driving around Los Angeles, I'm going, look at this asshole and fuck this guy and whatever. Every asshole is going to show up in my experience. But if I surrender, and there's a lot of surrender in what you're talking about, Jeremy. Yes, I love that.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Throughout everything you've said, there's a lot of surrender and giving up. And if I surrender and go, I'm not in that much of a rush. It's not going to make that much. Let the guy go ahead of me. And then you know what starts happening? everything starts opening up. Because if I keep going, fuck, fuck, fuck, and every bad, eventually somebody's giving me the finger on the 405. Guaranteed.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
That's a lock. But if I start just opening up and just going, taking my foot off the gas and surrendering, and that goes for every aspect of my life. I find it all the time. I try to do it in little things. It's not easy. I call it like sort of spiritual calisthenics. Just doing things. I'm just putting out good vibes as much as I can.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, one time Sean woke me up in the middle of the night shaking me. I opened my eyes and he was just giving me the finger and he said, fuck you. Yeah, that's helpful. I love that visual. But you know what I mean? I think that there's a lot to that and I'm feeling like the energy, again, not to sound too freaking hokey, people are going to be like, hey, But, you know, you can feel it.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
You've got this kind of vibe that you're putting out there, which is sort of a loving, positive vibe. Yeah. So it's no surprise that that's what showed up in your experience.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, I love this sort of the shift in perspective. It's pretty amazing. As somebody once said, it's really hard to get a new perspective if you can't get perspective. Like, it's like if you can't just allow yourself... It's hard to get it. And anyway, I really feel it from you, man.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah. Shit. Yeah, shit. I got some fucking bad. I'm ready. Okay. I know how both you guys die.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Um, it's interesting. It is a little painful. How do you know this? Have you ever seen, okay, have you, because I just, okay, you remember the movie, you know that story about that Chilean rugby team? Sure, sure, yeah. So you guys are, fuck, it's so crazy. Anyway, you guys end up shipwrecked, you and Sean, the two of you. Shipwrecked? Fucking Sean eats you, dude. What?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
You guys get shipwrecked and it's just the two of you and a big container of mayo.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And honestly, it is true. When you hear him, this is what we've talked about before, which is he's clearly had a shift in like... What validates him as a person is not about what he does for a living, but who he is as a person, and he can separate those things. And it's so true, because it's so easy, especially doing what we do, to peg your...
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
your feeling of success or success as a human being to what you do. And that that is your wealth. Yeah. And it's not. What he's saying, no, no, the wealth is the... And it's not. It's not. It's the living. It's the relationships that you have with other people. And he said that that connection with other people is really the thing that got him through. So that's pretty... Yeah. Pretty amazing.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Yeah, but I mean, think about all those things over the years where they've tried to, like, get behind this or whatever, but to actually lock on to somebody, to an actor, and then have it pay off and actually become a big movie star is so... The odds are so high.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Very 90s. It's a cold day for... So then why don't you just wear a long-sleeve golf shirt? No, I don't have a long-sleeve golf shirt. So I have this, and if I want to, I could take it out.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Well, first of all, Hurt Locker was just phenomenal. Yeah. And, you know, and everything you've done since. But that was like the thing. I remember just watching that and being like, who's this fucking dude is?
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
I am. I've got a sweater and I'm going to have a shell because it's kind of rainy and it's very unusually cold for Los Angeles. It's really nice out. And I'm teeing off at 1230.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
And yeah, and Jeremy, were you worried that when you make these decisions, did you ever go down there? Because I wonder if I would go like, yeah, today I want to do it, but how am I going to feel five years from now if I'm locked in? We don't know that. We don't know the things.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
You don't want to know who I'm playing with today. I'm surprised you didn't ask me.
SmartLess
"Jeremy Renner"
Paul. You're playing with Paul. I'm playing with Paul, but guess who else? Who you got? You got Paul, our buddy from Toronto. Paul M, we'll call him. Paul McLeese. And then we'll have... I got a real friend of the show. Danny Dees. Danny Dees. Danny Dees. Ah, I love him. The nicest man in... The greatest guy ever in finance.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I said you look kind of crunchy. I didn't say you look like a douchebag. I said you look like you're up in Oregon. You got this hipster little trucker hat on and everything. The glasses look like you could have a neck tattoo. Yeah, bro. Right? You could be, um, that you live in Highland Park.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
So hang on. Sorry. I just could gloss over ESPN. So you go to ESPN, and that's where a lot of us got to know you first on a national level, obviously. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
That was like, you guys were like the Beatles of sportscasters. That was like the first, like that generation, you guys were, you set, because nobody was doing it, nobody had done it the way you guys were doing it before, and you set that tone, and everybody after that was trying to replicate that, really.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Dan Patrick, too. Dan Patrick, right? What was your favorite Chris Berman nickname? Because I know mine that I have. Bert B. Holm Bly Levin. That's funny. That's so good. Mine was Eric Sleeping With By Enemy.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
A meeting was just convened in one of the conference rooms. Everybody in. Mike, I have a question.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
You know, Mike, you saying they painted their faces, it always seemed to me like a really funny tableau would be like one of those guys, one of those crazy Raiders fans, you know? He's got the silver, and he's got the horns, and he's wearing the shoulder pads with the spikes and stuff, and just like half a mile from the stadium, exchanging insurance information with somebody else.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
So they get it. Yeah, Terrell Owens started it with the Sharpie in his shoes. Yes, exactly.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No, yeah, but it does. Look, it is bad. And certain leagues are worse than others. La Liga is the worst. And I would also say League One in France. But La Liga is full of floppers. And it's not just the Spanish guys, too. You guys don't get Will started.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No, it's true. Some of these guys, I watched that Champions League final, you know, the other day, the Borussia Dortmund-Real, and there was a Vinny Jr. who's a tremendous football player. He didn't even get touched, and he looked like he was shot.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, the other one, Mike, I like is the guy, he gets sort of tapped in his thigh and he grabs his face. And you're like, wait a second, why are you grabbing your face? But I will say, you know, so thank you for bringing up football, soccer, if you will, because that is one of those sports that for me... I was able to get into it. I'm really a new super fan to it in the last 10 years.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
But because of the stories, because I was, I watched it with people who knew and they filmed me and they'd say, this guy came from here. This manager came from here. Here's what the backstory is.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No, I had a super slow day today. I did. I had a bunch of... I went to the eye doctor.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, so I started watching like Sunderland Till I Die. I was already into it at that point, but Sunderland Till I Die, all those other things.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
It's the human story. You can relate to it. At that point, you can relate to it on a human level.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Mike, you know, so a couple weeks ago, I went over to go to see Jurgen Klopp's second-to-last home game. Jurgen Trouble. And I'm a huge fan of his. Is that a Chris Berman nickname? Yeah, Jurgen Trouble.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
And I had the great fortune of being able to spend a little bit of time with him in the past year. Yeah, yeah. And so I got to go over to Anfield, and you walk into that stadium, and you listen. First of all, and I went to Chelsea as well. My friend joked that I went to watch Tottenham lose twice in a week.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Okay, and he was a former player, manager, legend, and a Liverpool legend, and a really tremendous guy. He's sitting right behind me with his wife. And they start playing at Anfield, You Never Walk Alone, which is their anthem. And the whole stadium is singing. You know, 60,000 people singing You Never Walk Alone. And I turn around, and his wife, who must have heard it,
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
50,000 times in her life because her husband was a player manager. And I look back, and she's dabbing her eyes. It's so cool. And I thought, like, and it was so incredible. It was so moving. So, so moving. There's something about the way that you're right, that they celebrate that.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Mike, has anybody ever said this to you? Because this is my own personal experience, is that no matter what's going on in my life, we all have ups and downs, as you said. We have moments in the family, whatever. And the one thing that I can do to kind of self-regulate is I come home and if I can turn on sports, Yeah, me too.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Jamie, I thought about you when I got dressed for this because I've been doing a bunch of stuff. And I worked out. I did two different kinds of workouts today. But I'm in. I'm transitioning between different parts of my day. And I thought, you know who's going to love my look? And I'm going to have to give you the full.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Everything just feels so smooth. It feels like I'm right there. I can hear you in my head.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Can I just say something about the Tiger, Eric, so that we can, because there's been, you know, there's a lot of stuff. We had the privilege, and people say, oh, you like Tiger Woods. I'm like, we had the privilege of watching one of the all-time great athletic careers that's ever graced this planet. And we got to watch it in, as you say, JB, in prime time. It was all recorded.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
We got to see every shot. And I thought, what a privilege we had to watch this guy play at the top of his game.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I went outside. Nobody saw this. But I remember one of my favorites was seeing you. You and I were hanging with Krasinski. This is minimum 15 years ago. And he was wearing some stupid little socks with his Vans. And you just look over and you go, Laundry day?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
You know, Sean, it's hard to appreciate it if you're not a fan of, like, you don't follow golf or whatever. But to understand, to appreciate his winning percentage on that sport compared to other people when he was at his prime, it was like nothing anybody had ever seen. It blew everything else.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah. Oh, that was the other one you said. Confident, huh? No, you didn't say confident. You just went confident.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Wait, wait, wait. They're going to do the surfing in Tahiti? Because it's a French... I get that, but I understand that. I have a full... I'm surprised. Why wouldn't they just do it down in Biarritz?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, you know what? Thanks for the plug. My friends at dicks.com sent me a bunch of stuff. They sent me a bunch of stuff.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Wow, that's pretty cool. I like the way you put that, Mike. I think you're right. The Olympics need this. They need Paris to work. They need it to be good. They need it to be successful. It will be. I think it will be. It probably will. Where are the next Winter Olympics?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Sean told me once he went to Paris, he went to Lamy Louis, you know, for dinner, and he had an Olympic movement after that, he said. Oh. Yeah. Because he had the steak and the chicken.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
All the rings. It was the duck. It was the duck. It was the fries they cook in goose fat, which, by the way, Lamy Louis, nobody does it better. It's a very American restaurant, but it's still great. It's still great. Well, all right. You convinced me, Mike. I'm going to come to Paris this summer.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No, I'm going to come and I'll share duties with you at the desk. Here we go. You can.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Instead of money? Yeah, that seems fair. Did you not get compensated for the commercial? I did. You're looking at them. They're called Crocs. God, those are expensive Crocs. They sent me Crocs for the kids and me. So we all got them. And I've never really worn Crocs. And I'm going to be honest. They're pretty great. They're really comfortable.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I love Snoop. He is such a great dude. Where did that come from? He just performed at Jimmy Buffett's memorial, you know, that concert we did. He was unbelievable. He's such an unbelievably great guy.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just represent us every once in a while, you know? Yeah, yeah, I get that. I get that. That makes sense. I bet it's a nice way of living.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
It's going to be insane. No. Come on. You guys, this is insane. It is. It's going to be insane. That's our little teaser bite right there. It's going to be insane.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I think he's a hell of a kid. Hey, Mike, I'm here for you. Ask me another one. I've had 12 bottles of beer and a minute of play. Put me in.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Well, I ate two steaks and took a nap and let's go. I had 16 bottles of beer. Let's hit a ball.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Just the physicality of that. Some of those beaches were, and some of those stories that haven't been told widely, too. There are some of those stories that haven't been. But it's incredible. I agree with you. I've never been to Normandy. I can't believe it. It's strange. Because I have read so much about it.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I'm coming to see Mike. Well, I've got to go to Portugal, so I might go to Paris. Let's see if you can work it in.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
I like my job in that I get to sit and listen to have him describe it to me.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
That's what you were about to say. but I said it longer and more boringly. And interrupted him. But, you know, he covers all the sports, right? Like, he covers... Here it comes.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
You know, during the year, but, like, he's going to be the host of the Olympics, but he's not going to be doing any play... Bye!
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbico,
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No. Didn't you tell me one time in a really low moment of your life, you wore crocks to a meet and beat, didn't you?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Maybe you didn't catch the part where I'm wearing Crocs, Mike. I did. I did.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
JB, you look... JB looks like a guy with the glasses and the hat and the beard and the hair. He looks like he's just... He's spending the weekend. He's parked the van up in Bend, Oregon, right? Yeah. He's up in Bend. He's going to do some windsurfing on the river at the gorge. It's disgusting.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
That's when we started playing again was during COVID. We hadn't played for years, JB and I. Yeah, we started playing. And then JB went absolutely mental. Because I have addiction issues. Well, he does. And it was crazy. And then his wife is really mad at golf. And I said, you know, the fix to it is don't go mental. Just don't do it every day.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
But here's what's so weird. So this is, it's funny that JB, so I said to JB, Sunday we all saw each other for dinner. He'd been in New York for a couple months. And I said, why don't you, no, yeah, Saturday, I said, why don't you come to the range with me? Just because you're here this week. Just come to the range over at where we play. Can't even be around. He's like, no, I can't.
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
No, it's really cool. So, Mike, let's go back a little bit because obviously you're at the top of the game. As Jason pointed out, you know, Sunday Night Football is the number one show on TV, right? And you've been doing this at the top. What is that moment? You're Mike Tirico at Syracuse. How do you become sports commentator, play-by-play, sports host of the biggest... What is that thing?
SmartLess
"Mike Tirico"
Are you like... Are you calling games when you're in your bedroom when you're 11?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I can't wait to see that. That's so mind-blowing. 40 years. I feel like I became really... Well, like a lot of people, really well aware of you guys with the massive... First of all, your massive hit, Living on a Prayer, which... Well, there's tons of them.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But that's sort of like, for me, that was the first one that really, I was like, holy shit. And that, you guys kind of, do you remember the first time playing that when it was a hit and playing it in front of an audience and everybody going like, fuck?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Because it's one of those moments, John, where you're like, it's either going to be great or it's going to be terrible.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
So do you remember the, so let's talk about that. So you, I mean, you talk about it, but like you're a massive international superstar, rock star, and then you go on the set of this movie and it's a new thing that you've just been sort of learning about. that first day on set, that first take.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But did you find that... I mentioned that you're in the Songwriters Hall of Fame. You're such a great songwriter and lyricist and music and everything. Did you find when you were acting throughout the years that... Did you find that sort of common thing as an artist, as you're doing it, sort of the beats of it?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Was there a commonality between being a performer, being a singer, songwriter, and being an actor?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Yeah, because you really, really hurt your tailbone. Do you have any good roller skate rink accident stories? Can't wait to ask the guest.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You mentioned it, John, your wife, Dorothea, who I've also had the great pleasure and honor of spending a little bit of time with and getting to know a little bit, and she's such an awesome person. And I was thinking, like, yeah, you didn't fall into any of those pitfalls. You grew up, and when I say grew up, I mean, like, sir, your 20s, those formative years, you were a massive star.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Was that, was you and Dorothea kind of, were you guys in it together? Did that help keep you grounded?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
How lucky are you that you have that? You had this partner with you. Oh, I know. Right?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
But you know what I always say? We were talking about this a while ago, like... If beating yourself up or putting yourself down, if that cured you, then we'd all be fixed, right? It doesn't work. Right. It just doesn't work. Oh, right. You know?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Sean said to me once, I remember, and you said, nobody's harder on me than myself. And I said, give me a shot. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Oh, there's Jason. There he is. I thought your mic was not working for a second.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Honestly, John, that attitude, you have that, you kind of ooze positivity. I will say, I didn't realize that you were going through all this. And anytime I see you, you've always got such a great attitude. You come into a room, you shine light, you ask people how they're doing. I love that about you. I think it's really great. And I also know you do a lot of philanthropy as well, right?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You started, you got the John Bon Jovi Soul Foundation. Is that what it is? The foundation and the kitchens, yeah. And the kitchens. I mean, this is great. Talk to us a little bit about what you do. These guys don't know about this stuff. It's awesome. Kitchens.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
That's a bummer if he looked at you and he says he's not seeing any stars. I mean, that's got a... That's insult to his injury, you know? God, Will, you really are glad you rebooted.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I was going to say she could have called it eye on hunger. You know what I mean? Sean's mom. My mom had one eye, yeah.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Yeah, I think about it all the time. Starting as a young actor today, as opposed to when we started out, and you could go out and you get a job, you audition for stuff, you're in the mix, you audition for pilots, you get a movie, do all that kind of stuff. Now... It's such a free-for-all.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Yeah, you could do a Golden Grahams commercial. You know what I mean? Has anybody ever done a Golden Grahams commercial?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I don't know, but there's something to also going through that experience. You know, as somebody who... I grew up in New York in the 90s, in my 20s, and went on a million auditions and bombed a bunch. And I learned so much from that process. And then also, conversely, when I did start having success, I really appreciated it. It wasn't until my 30s that I had any success.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
And I really appreciated it because I had gone through that for so many years and was starving.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
John, I think that you're totally on to something. I was also just thinking about what you were saying before about albums and when you would write an album. And I was just thinking like,
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You remember that feeling, you really hit on something, that feeling as a kid of getting an album and taking it home and taking the plastic off it and taking the sleeve out and reading the lyrics and listening to every freaking song. How does it start? And then the third song.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Did he ask for like a drink from you or was he like, hey, can I get a Diet Coke?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Let the audience do it. You hold the mic over the audience, you go, Buzzy, you give dogs a bad name.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
It's impossible, impossible not to just absolutely belt out one of your songs, John, when they come on. It's just the best. Dude, we've taken up too much of your time already. So much fun.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You're never coming back. Very brave. No, let's do it in New York. Let's do it in New York. In New York. That would be great. That would be awesome. And then we'll do it, JB's in New York for the next six months.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
John, you're such a great dude. You're such a cool dude, yeah, and such a great artist, and thank you for taking the time. Thank you. Wish you all the best, man. Can't wait to see you again.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I feel really, really good. Really? Yeah, you know why? You know what I like? I like international superstars. Oh, my God. A lot. This is a legit... Are we going to see stars?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Yeah. JB, you were just, yeah. Yeah, I just said the great Jon Bon Jovi, but you're right. It doesn't seem like it's enough.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I met him, we have a bunch of mutual friends and obviously... Long Island. And just, yeah, just over the years. And he is one of those guys, every time you see him, he's just... He's very sort of warm and very generous with people. Actually... One time I had lunch with him years ago. We were down on vacation and Archie was maybe a year old.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
We were down on vacation, you know. And he got, Archie got like all these little bites all over him. We didn't know what was going on. We were freaking out. You know, you got a one-year-old, you're like, what's going on? We're in the middle of nowhere. And John helped us sort of call a friend who had new, you know, got us in, you know, to get him looked at. It was great. He was very sweet.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I know, I know. I'm sorry, do you have another appointment? No, it's called Never Say... What? Good...
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Come on, it's a real song. You know what your nickname is? Shoehorn. Because you just turn a shoehorn. You're always looking for a way out. We always got you on the tail. Are you late? No. SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You're going to see a major international superstar, and I'm embarrassing him, but it's so true. But on top of it, or sort of not on top of it, beneath it, he's a really, really, really great guy that I've had the good fortune of spending a little bit of time with over the years. Super, super good dude. And then you forget that he sold... A gajillion records. That's a lot.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
I mean, a gajillion records over the years. As a member of a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame band, and then as an equally impressive solo career, he's in the Songwriters Hall of Fame, he has written multiple massive hits, and he's an actor, and he's an incredible philanthropist. And he's got a new docu-series about his story. I think it's called Thank You, Good Night.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Yeah, guys, once I start getting, if I start saying specific things, you're just going to guess it. So I'm just going to say, guys, please allow me to introduce you to the one, the only, the phenomenal, Mr. Jon Bon Jovi.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Good morning. This is so cool. I saw John like six months ago or something last summer, and I was like, would you ever consider doing our podcast? And he said yes, and it took a minute to organize. He's a very busy man, and I'm so happy you're here. John, good to see you, man.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Fashion. Well, no, also, he might run hot. Like, he wants the thing, but he also runs a little bit hot. My question is, who cuts them? Do you know, John, who cuts them?
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
He's giving Justin Thoreau a run for his money. Well, listen, I think if you're winning that many championships, you know, you're doing something right. And he doesn't want to mess with whatever system he's got going.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
You took the whole chair. Well, you've made a bunch of movies. I want to get into that in a minute. You've done a lot, actually quite a surprising amount of acting. Yeah, it's a fascinating career. Yeah, I think that... But you started as a singer, as a musician, and I kind of want to talk about what was that... I want to know how you know you could sing.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Well, yeah, like, what was that first thing? Growing up in New Jersey, what was that early music scene, and how did you plug into it? You know, how do you get started? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
Okay. I am really excited. About? I've got some great news. About? Well, it's about... Are you pregnant? It's about today. Oh. What's happening today? We are... Well, fuck. You're going to find out. It's an all-new Smart List. Smart.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
When he went on his own, is it accurate to say that he defunded the police? Wow.
SmartLess
"Jon Bon Jovi"
John, when you first, what was that like when you first noticed that? When you had that, do you remember having that first thing of like, shit, I'm not, yeah? Yeah.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
By the way, are you just going to go off topic because we're just getting on? No, no. It's about soccer.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It humanizes, and you know, look, at a certain point, and you know this, David, and certainly you guys know this to a different degree, not the same way that David does, but... You become, you are your own person, but then the public owns you in a way. They own this idea of you, and you play for England, you captain England. They kind of, in their mind, they kind of own you.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
So if you fuck up in whatever way that they perceive, they're like, hey, man, you don't get to make mistakes. Right, right. You don't get to be human. Yeah. And to fuck, oh, boo-hoo, David. Oh, you're rich, famous. And it's like, well, I'm still a... A person who wakes up in the morning and makes mistakes.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Well, I would, let me ask you this, David, and it comes out, it's, it's something that I've always sort of suspected, but it comes out glaringly in the docuseries. And is that how much is that support of you? Like you, you mentioned your family, Sir Alex Ferguson, how much was having that core group of people supporting you? Did, was that the thing that got you through?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
like jumped up and and that was and that was well like it was like a big family so you know that's what got me yeah you you and your player you you and your your teammates were like uh were like brothers i've seen a few different things i saw that one i forget what it was if it was you the five of you kind of reminiscing and going do you remember that we came out a couple years ago class of 92.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Class of 92 is so good. I watched that when I was in the UK a couple of years ago. I just loved it. And, you know, obviously known as potentially the greatest dead ball kicker of all time. I mean, you had a movie named after you.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Sean, if they did it for you, they'd do Eat Sloppy Joes Like Sean or something. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Hang on, hang on, hang on. But what I want to get into is you and your teammates. You guys had that class of 92, one of the great all-time classes. I remember watching you guys. Was it 99 when you guys were down? Was it Champions League and you won it? You got the two extra goals.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It was un-fucking-believable. And so who were the tight guys in that group? Name them.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Gary Neville, who's very outspoken and he's constantly sparring with my guy, Jamie Carragher, who's a Liverpool player. Gary is always on Sky Sports saying something controversial. He can't help himself. Is that right? I love that.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I feel like I'm the David Beckham of my crew of this month. These guys are my supporting. We're the ball. And I would...
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I mean, how crazy that you're Messi's boss. I mean, let's just, you know, let's not dress up.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I just can't. But it's pretty wild. And you, not only have you been successful with this team in Miami, but you brought over Leo Messi. In a time when, and as you are well aware, a lot of players are going east to get those big, you know, in search of riches in the Middle East. Yeah. A lot of players from Europe, a lot of players from the UK, they're all going there and getting these huge paydays.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Famously, Ronaldo and everybody else. And Messi comes to Miami. And that must have felt like a real vindication for you, like a real sort of vote of confidence that he... He said, you know what? I'm going to go to Miami and I'm going to partner with David Beckham. I'm going to play for Miami. I mean, that must have felt good.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
What can we do to sort of grow the sport? I really, you know, as you pointed out, I'm a massive Liverpool fan. By the way, my only piece of advice I'll ever give you, David, when it comes to football, because you... You're one of the all-time greats, I will say this.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
And you've got a good coach manager over at Inter Miami, but you know what I'm going to say, who needs to come in because he's about to be available. I know. He's my guy. I know. And you know what? If you can bring Jurgen over and let me be the three of us, we'll go for dinner.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Listen, we're going to put it together. We're going to put it together. I want to help make this happen. You should know a couple weeks ago I was in Canada for the hockey all-star game, and they had me be like a celebrity captain, whatever. So I was with Connor McDavid, who's one of the greats of all time. And I gave a speech, said, you have a speech for the boys in the locker room.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I said, I sure do. And what I had done was I pulled together a bunch of Jurgen Klopp quotes and I made it into a speech. And I started, because all his speeches are so inspiring, right? And it kind of goes beyond sport, the way he talks to people. And then I ended it by saying, when I first came to Dortmund, and then all the players looked at me like... Dortmund? What is he talking about?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
My question was, what can we do to make football sort of, how can we improve it in this country, whether it's youth academies or just grow the sport?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
That's a question. First of all, less of a question and more of an opinion when he says shut your big fat mouth. There's a lot of opinion there. There's a lot of... I will apologize for all the Reds fans out there. Wow, you're not going to be able to go back to Anfield. I know, it's true. I'm going back to Anfield in May because I want to see Juergen before he wraps it up.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
No, I will apologize for rude behavior, for sure I will. Looks like he's got a follow-up question here.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I've never seen somebody in such good shape for somebody who's so unathletic. It's great. You throw a ball at him, he runs the other direction. Oh, my God.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Sean, just have a deep, deep pool of milk, though, before we... before we get the guest out here.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
That's awesome. That is awesome. And I guess the reason I ask that is because if you're happy and you seem like you are and you've got great kids and you're really close to them, that's evident. That really comes through. And you and your wife are really close. But everybody goes through stuff in life, right? Like it's like you're always going to go through shit.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I actually, you know what I quote all the time is, I don't know if you watch that All or Nothing, the Tottenham season. And Mourinho was on there for part of that, right? Yeah.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It was great. I advise people to watch it. It's really good. But I love one of the things that he said is that he, I remember at halftime he was talking to the players and he said, look, the other team is going to score. They're going to have possession. The question is, how do you cope? And if you can cope with that, you know, and it's true with life. I think about it all the time.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
There are going to be times where you're not going to have your best day, where somebody else is going to get the thing you want, blah, blah, blah, blah. But how do you cope with it? And if at the end you end up being happy, then that was your journey.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It's really impressive. Sean, you were saying that a lot of your partners were Adidas. It was hard to see because it was dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
You're like everything I see, you're like in a different city opening the thing.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
When you kept saying, like, Will, you're going to know, I'm like, what is he talking about? Yeah.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
What are you, a lawyer? We've got a can full of them. But JB, you know what was great about him, and you kind of hit it on the head, which is he was able to articulate exactly what we want to know about him, right? So you ask him, and he's so open and real. And I love that, and it's evident that he's, I think it's part of being English, so that he's very down-to-earth. And he's so charming.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
He's not over his skis. He's very in tune with his family, and he's just down-to-earth. So he can talk in a way that's very accessible.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
I know, I'm just like, hug, hug, hug. And just get out into the world, too. You know what I mean? He's a guy without doing shit. You're exhausted if you go to Larchmont.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
This guy's going all over the world. You know what? He's getting into the world. He's out there, man.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
By the way, maybe we can... Can I see photos? I'm so giddy at the thought of... I mean, I don't... I guess I'm now a Miami fan because I really love Beckham. I think I'm a Miami... Even though Will's gonna... Farrell's gonna be mad because he's a LAFC guy. We love Will a lot. We like the battle. And we like the battle. So we don't want to get in trouble with that.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
But right now, we want to help David. Help. Jurgen Klopp to Miami, I will fucking... Here come the tears again. Yeah.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
That was fucking rad. SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbico, and Michael
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
We're going to get to that. And the fact that you had to spend so much time with Fisher Stevens shows what great resolve you have as a human being.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It's no surprise, and you made an excuse for wearing a shirt and tie, but you always look really, really well turned out.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
No, but I was going to say... We do what we can. You do what you can. That is something that has been a trademark of yours. You've always been kind of into style and into fashion and that comes through in the docu-series about your life. Do you feel pressure in that? I always want to know. Do you feel pressure in that way because you've set this standard?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Not like that. But it's a good, I get where you're going with it. And yeah, more an apology to our special guest. Yeah, I'm so sorry, special guest. Who Sean and I don't know who it is yet. Yeah, so sorry.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Definitely interrupt David Beckham to get your opinion on fashion. Go ahead.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Jason's a little different from you, David, in that he's got the kind of thighs that are made for playing video games. You know what I mean? He looks like he's got atrophied limbs.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I saw a video of you at the show the other day and she came over and gave you a big kiss.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It should be. It's not even Sean. I mentioned Scotty. This one's firmly on Scotty. Yeah. And I feel like this is his department. He's in the tech department over at their house. And he's head of IT and he fucked up.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Believe me. First of all, let's say that we're fans of Victoria's. Huge, huge, huge. So hello, Victoria. I'm a huge fan, yeah. Secondly, I'm sorry to say that when she says we're intelligent, she must be talking about a different podcast. And thirdly, we're going to talk about football, aka soccer, which, by the way, we covered this. Soccer is actually an English term.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Everybody thinks it's an American term, but you, David, probably know. Soccer is an abbreviation of association football, and they called it soccer. Right, David? Yeah, that's true. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's not American. No. Oh, it sucks.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
Like the way they do rugby and they call it rugger? It was the same idea. Right, David?
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
It's true. So the way that they took rugby and they called it rugger is like a sort of a slangy version. And soccer, football, is called association football to distinguish it from rugby. It's called association football. And then they just took the sock from association and called it soccer. Anyway. I think we just ran out of time.
SmartLess
"David Beckham"
David, so listen. So you started playing football when you were a kid. And your dad, and I love that they cover this in the documentary. Your dad was a huge Man U fan. Yeah. Growing up. And then you go and become... One of the great Man U players. When you say Manchester United, you think David Beckham.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
The light is great out here in the condo. And I was able to... you know, via the kindness of others, get out and play some golf. So I've been and spent a lot of time with the kids out here. We've been out at the beach a lot. Quick, what are their names? Terrence Gladfill. Nope, nope. That's right. Karen. You don't even have a girl.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
That's a compliment to me, not to him. You're complimenting me. Yeah, for sure. You know what I mean? Unintentionally. Sorry. I know, I know. Because, yeah, and I meant it when I said it. It's a huge influence. And I want to get into, because then there were so many other films, too, that I thought deserved a lot of attention. One of them being Clean and Sober, which I think is a phenomenal film.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Not just because I could relate to what he went through, but I just think it's a great, with the great M.M. at Walsh. I mean, there's just some amazing moments in that film. But I do want to talk about Terry Garr for one second because... I also loved Terry Garr. Yeah. What was that like? I mean, what an unbelievable talent. Am I right? The spirit.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I say, dude, I literally say the same. Really? Because it's true. It's true. I say I'm fortunate. I'm not lucky. I'm fortunate. No, man.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I know. Sean and I were FaceTiming last night. We were like, we haven't seen, we never get to talk to Jason anymore. And even sometimes we do talk to him. And then Sean was like, yeah, no, but we never get to meet the real Jason anymore. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Well, but also, Michael, like, you know, as Jason sort of said, you kind of defied genre in that you couldn't be put in a thing. You got to be a movie star on your own terms, right? You got to kind of, you know, in a time where there really aren't really movie stars in that way anymore. I mean, there are, but it's different.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But you were in like the height of the movie star era, and yet you were able to kind of— think about in that year you were talking about like doing stuff you wanted to do in 1988 you did beetlejuice and clean and sober yeah now you want to talk about two movies on different ends of the sky okay and then the next year you did the first film and we're going to get into batman in a second
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Well, I was going to say, so you do that. In that one year, you do Beetlejuice and Clean and Sober. What was that year like for you?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
The character of Beetlejuice, first of all, half the movie you're in like old-timey prison garb. Right. And you've got this fucking, and you've got like mascara on that covers half your face, and your hair is sticking up, and you've got this voice, and you go... Yeah, and you're like, yeah, say what you want. Yeah, it's so good.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
And you fucking, and I'm like, you want to talk about taking a big fucking swing? I mean, how do you go, how do you show up day one? Are they like, okay, guys, let's rehearse. All right, we're going to block this scene. And you come, I go, ah. Say it to your daughter. Like, what the fuck is going on? What's this guy doing? I mean, it's a lot.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
And it fucking, you nailed, you drilled it in a way that you couldn't even.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I talk to a lot of people pretty much on the reg. I talk to Sean not every night.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Once a week, probably. Twice a week, maybe. I talk to Clay every other day. I talk to Eli.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Fuck, man. Dude, you're out on a... I love this so much. Out on a ledge. I love the idea that you're out on a fucking ledge and you don't know where you're fucking going. That to me is my... And then give a shit. That's my fucking dream. Come true, man. I know.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
How many people over the years have come up to you and told you that clean and sober had a profound effect on their life?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
fucking do it you know and go make some money you so so you speaking of which speaking of making money you go in 1989 uh you uh once again um team up with tim burton and you do batman yeah and that is the fucking game changer yeah that's the game changer of game and uh I mean, in a lot of ways, you doing that allowed me to make some money. Oh, yeah. All right.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But you know, it's one of those things. You got to also do it. And it's like, you and sweet Pete Giles would be, great best friends because you guys like spending a lot of time alone. We've got a bunch of dolls with pins. You sent me a nice picture from your trip with that bucket, that sweet-ass Sergio Zucchini bucket hat that I bought you last year. Yeah, and I showed you.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
So I guess I kind of fucking owe you, dude. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I remember seeing the poster for it. I was like, oh my God. Do you remember seeing the poster, just the symbol of the Batman? And I was like, what? I was like, what the fuck is this?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Sean has nutted over a thousand times to Marvel movies because of that movie.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
A thousand nuts. There's that. Yeah. You can't put a price on that. No, you can't. But it did. It launched the, you know, and ever since then, we've all been fucking under the tyranny of IP. But, you know, you did start that. And it was, I stole that from somebody. You're right. But it's true. But you guys started it. You and Tim Burton started it.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, there was humor to it, but it was also serious and there was action and it was dark. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, I love that kind of stuff, that kind of awareness of it and not taking himself too seriously really in that moment. Because there's a way that that could come across as a dick. And it wasn't. You got it. It all fell within... the context of a guy who is really rich, but his parents were murdered, but all that stuff, right? Yeah, and kind of a weird dude, you know? A very weird dude.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But you, what was it like when that movie came out and it was, as you said, it was a big swing for everybody, a big swing for you and your career, a big swing for Tim Burton, a big swing for the studio, they put a lot of money into it, the books have been written about this movie and how it got made, et cetera. And when that movie comes out and it's a fucking smash hit, How many high fives?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
And you're also still really good friends with your gummies. Yeah. Oh, my God, Dad.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Jason immediately looks at the negative. Yeah, or was it that? Now I'm obligated to go and say, thank people for paying the money. I have junkets I have to go to. Now all of a sudden, now I've got to talk to my business manager? Yeah. It's good news. Is it good news? It's good news for you.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
We've had the good fortune, guys, I'm going to say, of being friends for 20 years. So we knew. Don't touch it. Yeah, we have a good little dance.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But did you—you must have. Was it just—was it not what Jason was saying that you felt an obligation?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
No, you woke up and you're like, did you buy a Ferrari? What the fuck did you do that next morning?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You're like, I never even won a Ferrari, but I better fucking get one now, you know?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I love that you're thinking through the practicality of a Ferrari. Yeah, I know. There's nothing practical about it.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Exactly. But you must have been elated, and it must have felt like a good vindication. Now, look, you'd had a lot of success before, but this was a different thing, I bet.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Of course it did, and I like the idea of also telling that to young actors because people, you know, they ask me for advice all the time, and I always say, you know, fuck off. So now I have something that I can say I came up with. Get that camera out of my face. Who the fuck? Who gave you? My parents know your parents. Shut the fuck. No, but that is such great advice. Who gave you that?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You know, I think the other thing is it kind of falls in the same line of like once you realize, once you get older and you've done a bit more in doing what we do, and you get to the other side and you have a chance to direct J.B., and produce stuff and whatever, you realize that they are looking to solve a problem, right? That they want somebody to come in.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
What you don't know as a young actor is- They're on your side. They're on your side. They want you to get this job.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, because once I figured that out, and I was like, and I remember casting something, you know, with Mitch and being like, and people coming in and going, oh, fuck, I hope this dude's good, man. And I used to think that they're like, oh, show me. No. We were like, fuck it. This guy's great. Yeah, I want to check the box. I want to check that box.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
It's the fucking worst feeling. Wait, I want to talk about, because, you know, I wanted to... But you did, I'm sorry, I was just going to say, he was just talking about the auditioning shot, if you don't mind, just one second. Oh, yeah. Made me think of another subject. No, I'm just kidding. Do you...
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
No, while we're on this subject, is that, and you were talking about MTM, you did, I wasn't kidding in my intro, you were on that two different iterations of the Mary Tyler, one called Mary and the other called Mary. Really? Mary Tyler Moore Hour, is that what it was called? Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
That's so funny. And they were in the fucking cast together. I didn't know that.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah. I'm really excited. I'm almost as excited about that as I am about my guest. My guest today. You guys are going to be excited too. Now, first of all, Man, this is nuts. Because this is one of those people that I have, and I don't want to embarrass him, and he kind of knows that I don't know, but I super look up to him, which is not the most articulate thing I've ever said, but it is just it.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You just hit something. That sweet spot of that, you guys know, too, when you get that first gig where you go like, I'm fucking doing this. I'm doing this. And I'm getting paid, and I'm doing this.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Justin Theroux. It's Justin Theroux. He comes in with these sleeves on. He's so funny in this.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I have been such a fan of what this guy does for so long, and there's an authenticity to who he is and how he does it that I've always just really responded to, and frankly, so have audiences around the world. Millions and millions. Well, I mean, look, he's been nominated for like 120 awards. He's won 70 of them and everything. Seventy.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
It's a derivative. It's based on an impression. I remember feeling that way with writers on who would go... all of a sudden you'd read a script and they'd go, and they'd have your character do something. And I'm like, oh, they want me to do it based on, because they saw me do this in other times.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But they don't realize that in other times my character did that because it was organic to what was happening. Now they just want to see the trick. They don't want to see what led up to the trick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? And you'll never do it as well.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I don't feel like— Except for Carol Nail Clipper Feet. Do you think— Which was underrated, but— So you guys do—so you do this, and you've gone on the record saying it's going to be great. I mean, that is a lot of pressure, right? Yeah. You have this thing, this iconic thing that you guys create, and you're like, I'm sure when you're reading it or you're doing it, you're thinking like,
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
man, if we don't drill this, we got a target on our fucking back. People are going to come for us.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
It's based on a true story. It's a true story of Beetlejuice, the character who goes across centuries. You know what it is?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, like from Critics' Choice to Gotham Awards to Independent Spirit Awards to MTV Movie Awards to Satellite Awards, Saturn Awards, Teen Choice Awards, Film Critics Awards, Green Actors Guild Awards, Primetime Emmy Awards, Golden Globe Awards and BAFTA Awards and Academy Awards. Christian Bale. The old school Academy Award. He doesn't have 70 wins.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah, I love that. I love that. Like we say, we've taken up too much of your time. I could talk to you forever, man. Way too much, like an hour. Way too much. I know, I know, I know. Yeah, really. And we just... What a thrill to have you, man, on the show. You're just... I just love that, like Jason said, that you're still doing it, that you're still rising. You're still doing incredible stuff.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
You keep... surprising us and mixing it up. And might I add that you look fucking fantastic. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you look great. Look at you. I haven't seen you in 30 years. You sound great. You don't sound crazy. I hope I'm not crazy ever. You know what I mean? You're kind.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah. You've done it all. And I mean that in the best way because you've done it all and you've got your fucking feet on the ground.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
That's a fucking good question, by the way. That's a good question. That's really funny. No, we'd turn on you pretty quick. I like the read, Jason. Was it mean? I'm being honest. Not probably. Just the one. We'd turn on each other. It doesn't take much for us to turn on each other.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Yeah. But what a thrill, man. It was so great to talk to you. And Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, man, I'm excited. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Michael. Thanks, guys.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I know. I didn't want to embarrass him as well because, and I've, you know, got to know him just to say hello over the last five, six years or something. We'd see each other. I talked to him, JB. Conan's Christmas party. It's true, I do. You're gonna get invited this year again. Don't you ever mention his name to me.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
But, and I always talk to him about stuff and I always tell him how much, and he's a big hockey fan, he's a big Penguins fan. So we talk hockey and then last year he was really kind to me. He said something really nice about me on Colbert. Oh, nice. Which was a fucking thrill of a lifetime. But anyway, so we, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just love the way he does it.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
And it's the only impression I've ever done. And I didn't want to, and he doesn't know this, is of him. But it's an impression of him from gung-ho. Uh-huh. We didn't talk about that. I go, yeah. They're going to— The Japanese— They bought the car plant? That's really good. I mean, people can't see it.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Close. Yeah, I've just been such a fan of his. I mean, Jay, you pointed out, I mean, he does seamlessly between comedy and drama and absurdism and just everything. Yeah, and I like what you said. My life, have you ever watched my life? No. I think I probably have. It's a fucking, it's so...
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I mean, he's good, that guy, Christian Bale, but he doesn't have 70. He doesn't have 70. This guy, you don't remember him from his first television appearance, which was on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood way back in the way. I might. You might remember him as co-starring with David Letterman on the Mary Tyler Moore Hour. You're more likely to remember him from things like Mr. Mom, Gung Ho. Ah!
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
By the way, that movie, My Life, is about a guy who's going to die and his son's going to be born. It's with Nicole Kidman, I think. he leaves videos for his son because he's not going to meet him. Oh, jeez. And how to live, what to do, and how to do stuff.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Hang on, I hope your fucking mic cuts out. I hope the electricity goes out of your house right now.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Michael Keaton. But to me, he is my Batman. You guys, it's Michael Keaton.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Do we do? It's stickers. It's one of your questions, why would anybody listen to you idiots? No, no, no, no.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Don't embarrass him now. He's about to give you—he's just olive branching it, and then you cut him off with the fucking many times? What's wrong with you, Sean?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Who would want to cut that? By the way, by the way, why cut it? But also, you know what you could say so that you don't have to cut it? Say, and also, we both know Julie Bowen. You could have said that. Yeah. Okay. Are you fucking new today, Sean? Yeah. The fuck is going on?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I'm on a Pop-Tart. Sean got fired from that job, right, Sean? You ate into their profits? By the way, no.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Now Julie's in a bind. She's having to explain to somebody where she was.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
70 years ago, somebody said, fucking Julie was, remember she wasn't around? It turns out she was hanging out. Jesus.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
I like funny people. Michael, I don't know if you know this too. Our mutual friend is Courtney Cox from years ago and a good friend of ours. And Jason was just on vacation with her. We were talking about, and I remember saying to Courtney, I used to be, this is like 10 years ago, I go... What's Michael Keen like? I used to flip out because I was such a fan of yours for so long. Oh, yeah. Still is.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
Probably still is. Still is. And so what I want to get into, and that's going to get me to my first thing, which is two things. Two movies that to me were like, and they're not underrated because they were big hits, but first of all, Mr. Mom to me. was a genre changer, right? Nobody done a movie like that. And you did it with such ease.
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
And it was so, to me, that was what was so interesting about it. You know what I mean? Like, cause especially in that time, those were different days back then. but you did it in this way that kind of took that on and flipped it on its head. What was it like reading that script, getting that offer, deciding whether to do it, shooting it, all of it?
SmartLess
"Michael Keaton"
At one point he says to you, Justin, he goes with a mouthful of Pop-Tart, he goes, if you want to sign it, Jimmy, I'd love reading that stuff. And I go, you didn't even know the fucking document you were signing, Pop-Tart. Yes, I did.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Now wait, so get me back to the writing part of it. What gave you kind of the fuel to like say, well, you know what? Maybe I can or maybe I should. Did it come from just getting more and more proud of your writing or were you reading more and more things that were not great that were getting produced? And you were like, I can do at least that.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
that we all know yeah and then sometimes it's it's a lot of times as people not none of us know and sometimes we sometimes it's in the middle and sometimes it's right in the middle and sometimes fascinating but like and sometimes we reach out to guests and then sometimes guests reach out to us and it's just yes it's just it's just it's a great blend you guys i well i should i gotta listen to this show pointing it out this show seems great um
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
That's awesome. I love Will. He's such a good dude, and Mary is so amazing. So you guys start, so you guys kind of have this, you realize, you date, but it's not working out, but you realize that there is something else there on another, maybe potentially even deeper level.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Creatively. That you connect on. And what was the first thing that you guys were like, hey, we need to write this? Like, how did that happen?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah. You just made me think of, sorry to bounce around, one of my favorite movies is Social Network. Was there any, your participation in that and having gone to Harvard, was there any, was any of that happening while you were there at that time?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Right, yeah, we're about the same age. No, you're younger than we are. I'm younger than you. Come on.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Oh, in the movie. Oh, in the movie. No, in real life. My wife and I like role playing. So this month she's got me as a loser.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
That's so cool. That's so good. Wait, can you read music? Can you write music?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Again, like, I want to remind people, like, your dad produced Thriller. Yeah. Right? So, like, that's so... I remember one time, Rashida, going over to your dad's house with you and being blown away, going downstairs and seeing... You know when you go into somebody's office, guys, and you see, like... They've got like a record, right? Like a platinum record or whatever. Like some, whatever.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
And you go into Quincy's house. Well, it is, A, it's a museum. And B, the framed thing for Thriller has like 40 platinum records in the frame. Yeah. Literally 40. You're like, what the fuck? It's like the granddaddy of them all. It's crazy.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yes, that was so good. Yeah, so I was going to talk about it. So let's get to the documentary about your dad.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Well, I was going to say, so, I mean, obviously, you know, yeah, like Jason said, it's a great thing to do and to be able to do with your dad. But also, like, what was, do you remember the moment where you're like, how that, the sort of the genesis of that? What was the moment? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Wow. That's great. Yeah, and I mean just the accent. So yeah, all that archival footage that people have already seen about your dad. no one's seen you just walking around with a camera in the house and talking to your dad. That was just like this access. It was just, it just felt so privileged watching it.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Sean says to me the other day. And it was really good. He goes, hey. Was it good, Sean? You know what? We watched The Godfather the other night. It's really good. And I said, oh, did you think everybody was lying?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Wow, that you both, yeah. Well, it's true, Rashida. And that was also something I wanted to get to, which is like, it's not easy, I can imagine. I can only imagine how to... And it's not by anybody's fault or design that you have a dad who is larger than life, who is, you know, like, as you said, a musical genius. Everybody knows he's created incredible things. He's done amazing things.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
And to grow up with that, I can only imagine there's a lot... Yeah, and then you go to Harvard and get... To create your own thing and to have your own incredible success, that's a real testament to your talent. I hope you recognize that.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, to have the courage to even try, and then you nailed it. And now people are like, wait, she has a famous dad?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's not a great analogy, also. It's too close. It's too close with Michael and stuff. All right, sorry, sorry. No, I mean, we would cut it, but we want to shame you, so we're going to leave it in. We might open the episode with it. Have you seen The Godfather? Just kidding.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's just a B story. Well, so you mentioned Sofia Coppola. So you made a film with Sofia, I want to say five, four, five years ago, right? On the Rocks?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. I blanked that part out of my brain.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I don't know what you mean. So you made this film on the rocks in 2020 with Sofia Coppola and Bill Murray. Yeah. And you got a lot of great reviews for that performance. I mean, everybody loved it. Did you know Sofia before or was that where you guys kind of got to know each other?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Now, they say that part two is better than the first. I don't remember having a feeling either way.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, I think... They're different. They're both excellent. Part two, Godfather 2 is excellent as well.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
So, but you didn't get the part, but you got to have a sort of a really intense working relationship with Sophia. And you guys stayed together. We're like, we got to do something at some point. That's the kind of vibe?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Nice. What was that like working with Bill Murray? I know. I mean, you don't really talk to many people that work with him. I know. They're as elusive as he is. Yeah, that is true. Also, by the way— I never thought about that.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
By the way, she already had a relationship with him, had a successful film with him and stuff, but she still had to have that.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Because the story goes like you can only reach him via fax or something like that?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Okay, don't ever watch a movie. Hey, and then number three gets a bad rap, but I don't remember like watching number three and going, this is terrible.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
That's funny. No way. Yeah. And is he just about as chill and sort of don't sweat the small stuff as he seems?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I would love to have him on this show and ask him questions for an hour. Why don't you wait out in the hall with a phone?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I think he got a bad rap at the time and then now people have, as they look back, they go like, they've had a different, yeah.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
All right, so let's switch gears. All of a sudden, now you find yourself with the gang over at Pixar. Right? The crew.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
The Pixar crew, they approach you and they go, Rashida, we want you to come in here and start mixing it up on the Toy Story. Bonanza. How'd that go down? I mean, this is, I love these Toy Story movies. I love Pixar movies so much. Yeah, I do too.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
And you had to live there while you were writing it because the process is so sort of collaborative and back and forth?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
That's the one thing I love about Pixar is how good at ping pong they are. I did one movie. I did Ratatouille. It's not a big deal back in the day with Brad Bird.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
No, he's the German sous chef. So good. Fun movie. Brad Bird is such a genius. That guy's a genius. Yeah, he's amazing. It feels nice. They send me a nice coffee table book every Christmas. They do?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Hey, if you haven't seen any of the Godfather films. Welcome to Smart List Hot Takes on new films.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Just about different subjects each year? Just stuff from your friends at Pixar. Sometimes it's about boats. It's very nice. I really appreciate it. I got a lot of coffee tables. I drink a lot of coffee. Okay, guys.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's like the time Jason came up to me and said, hey, you know what I want? You know, Blues Brothers is a really good movie.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, but like where in the – was this before we were driving? Were we at like kids' parties?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Well, sure, like Roxbury. Flippers, Peanuts, Roxbury. It sounds like you didn't see each other. Well, I wasn't remembering a lot back then. Let's go back to Flippers and Peanuts. Yeah, Flippers was a roller skating place.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah. Flippers is now the CVS on the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
is boomer what ages are boomers 1946 to 64 i just looked it up today truly truly wow what's azir us that's us no we're gen x man oh we're x sorry what are the ages of x uh gen x is like 19 well sorry we keeping you up you know we're rolling bro 1960 are we rolling right now yeah we're cold opening the shit out of this right is this an all-new smart list all right welcome to smart list
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
No way. It was happening. Very happening. And then there was a big club where the Beverly Center is right now.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Roxbury though, that was a spot. And then above the Roxy on the rocks, that was a biggie. The whiskey bar at the bottom of the Sunset Marquee was a big haunt for me. Oh, that was banging. Yes, me too. Yeah, it was good times. So see, I do remember things.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
80 film I know oh there's so I was a band was humming like the Flashdance song the other day and I go you know never seen it she goes oh you're such a loser I really am there's so many remember last night we were talking about At Close Range which is a good movie I want to go back once I haven't seen it I haven't seen it I need to see it who's in that Sean Penn and Chris Walken oh yeah I want to see that yeah let's see I never saw Flashdance you didn't no
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
The back of it has a bunch of massage tables. And the back has a bunch of massage bus, right?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, it was called Heartlight. It was an experimental school. It's just one year. Exactly.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, yeah. Oh, Jason's right, Amanda. Yeah, we all go back. Yeah. Where did the acting bug come from? Was there- Well, what age?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You would have been a great lawyer, by the way. Yeah, you would have been great. For real, you would have been. What kind of lawyer?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, but you could do that with a lot of different kinds of law, can't you? Yeah. But there's no particular law that really interests you like...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Rashida, with all of your success already, have you sort of like slowed down your dreaming? Like, do you even allow yourself to... Like, where would you love to see yourself in... 5, 10, 15, 20 years? Is it more on the writing side, the acting side, like just like harmony just with your family? Or do your goals move as often as like mine do? Do you just settle on anything?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I just started therapy. This is true. I'm going to get real for a second. And I fucking don't know anything. This is the most scared I've been in my life is right now. That's good though, Will.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Because it's really scary. I'm doing like... I can't even believe I'm talking about this. I had heavy therapy this morning and I can't believe it.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's scaring you because you're like admitting that like you might not know as much as you're pretending to know?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I had to put eye drops in just so that my eyes were white because it was rough. Oh, really? I know, I had a really rough morning. Really? I love it. It's been a tough couple weeks.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
By the way, the best part is I told Polar yesterday, she's like, oh, I'm so glad. I'm like, what do you mean you're so glad? What? She's like 20 years too late. Oh, my God.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I know, but it is so weird. You're right. I think at this stage of your life, you've done stuff. You've had this huge first couple chapters of your life, and you have the work stuff, and you have the adolescence, and then the work stuff, then the kid stuff, and then the work with kids stuff, and blah, blah, blah. And you get to this point, you're like, okay, now what? What? Right.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Worrying about the results. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I realized that I have all these tricks. What I've come to sort of realize anyway in the last couple weeks is that I have a lot of these tricks that I can do that help me get over things and get by and I can get to a place of okay and I can kind of put the things back on track. But there are patterns there.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
And you're flashy. And I'm flashy. All right, that's enough of the fucking Regis-Kathy Lee chatter. Let's get to the guests.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
And I'm like, nothing's ever going to really change unless I actually look at it. That's the...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah. That's self-sufficient and it's not reliant on external, uh, approval, gratification. Uh, yeah. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Well, Rashida, you are real sweet to give us an hour of your day. This is fun, you guys.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
We were just getting into the meat of it too, right? I know. We were getting deep. I know. We just started to get real deep.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I really, really don't. I can't believe we talked about it at all. I love that you did. This is good.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I know, but I always feel bad for the guests. I got to sit there and listen to the patter.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Apple TV+, Sunny starting the incomparable Rashida Jones. Rashida Jones. Congratulations on that. Yeah, congratulations on everything. So much love to your family and continued success. You're great. Thank you, guys. Love you, guys. Thanks, Rashida. Bye, guys. See you soon.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Oh, well, Willie, that's – now, that's almost your kind of half-wife, right? She's best friends with Amy.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
All right, fine. Well, everybody's got busy lives, too. They're probably, you know, sending emails and texts and stuff.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, I mean, I've spent a lot of time with Rashida over the years. We've like – A lot of time. We've vacationed together many times. We've just done... She and I actually went... Well, not... We asked her together to Mike Schur's wedding. I mean... What do you call her for short? Sheeda. Sheeda? Yeah, Sheeda. Sheed. Sheedy. Sheeds. Jones. Jonesy. Rashida Jones and me.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
She's so, well, she's so smart and funny and just razor sharp and has always been. And yeah, I always like spending time with Rashida Jones. And easy on the eyes. Easy on the eyes. Easy on the eyes.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
But she's grown up in such a potentially privileged, isolated environment, yet does not seem that at all. No, she's very... Probably worked hard to not be.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Very, very down to earth. If you didn't know that her dad was Quincy Jones and that she'd grown up in Hollywood, if you met her in...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
a coffee shop in kansas city you'd be like oh she's just a somebody from any time yeah and who is just a smart you know awesome person um but she has no there's no um she's not spoiled to that way no no yeah really great um but at the end there i like that we got real real about it and uh i like talking about that stuff and i'm glad you're you're doing that well that's really great and i love when jason asked if when you know we weren't done if you wanted to take another
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Well, I know that our... Put it this way. Okay. This is a great segue. Our guest is a very, very busy person. Huh. Yeah, because in addition to being a very sought-after actress, she's also a very sought-after writer and producer. Oh, really? Yeah. She has written and produced Emmy-nominated stuff. She's produced and written big, huge animated films. Like, I don't know. Toy Story 4. Sean.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You know, she's acted in and she's written a new series that she's got coming out. Her new series is called, I think it's called Sunny. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Just take a little time to write something down when you write something down.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
No, because I'm trying to disguise who it is. You're doing a great job. As soon as I say what you know her from, you're going to know who it is. Let's have it. Because you know her really well. Because you know her also very well from things like The Office and Parks and Rec and Boston Public. It's Amy Poehler. No, it's Rashida Jones! Rashida!
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's happened so many times. I don't even know why we continue the whole structure.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah. Look at your cute pink headphones. Listener, she's got some real headphones on.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
We're happy to do some personal experience if you want to send some of those our way. You got it.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
That's also if you're not a listener. I heard about that. I heard about that. We referenced Tracy.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Sort of a catch-all for those less informed. But there's no shot at Tracy herself. No. She's a very bright, sharp Wisconsin.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Rashida, welcome to Smart List. Where are we finding you in this great booth of yours?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I don't. You know how old I am. I barely know what day it is. I embarrass myself hourly. You're kidding. On my kid's life, I have no idea who her husband is.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Her husband, Ezra, is singer, songwriter, extraordinaire. Have you ever heard of a band called Vampire Weekend? Oh, no way.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's like when people come up to you and they go, oh, you're an actor. What are you in? Do you want me to start listing you?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Well, by the way, still to this day, I assume nobody knows who I am. Nobody knows what I'm, people look at me funny and I'm like, yeah, I know. I look like that guy you went to school with. At this point, really? Come on. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Well, you know why? Because I spent so many years assuming everybody knew who I was and I had a very uncomfortable adjustment.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Everybody knows you're Justin Bateman. They know that too. That's exactly right. I get that once a day. Justin Bateman, a big fan. Not that big.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Oh, I thought you wrote it, but you produced it. Yeah. And you produced it, which is a really cool, the premise is your character moves to Japan, lives in Japan, and her husband dies. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
So welcome to SmartList, everybody. I hope you have a full charge on your iPod. Do people still use iPods? No. I don't think so. I think they just use... Is that what they listen to us on? Their phones. Okay, boomer.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You know what they said? You know what the note was? Too robotic. Too robotic.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
It's the only way I tee it up for you, Willie. I know. Well, wait, hang on now. Rashida, you wrote yourself something that puts you in Japan a little bit?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Wow, that's so cool. Because I hear if you go over there, you've got to have it wired. It's a place you need to have a chaperone or very good notes or tips or... You can get lost there.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Will. Yes. Well, Will. Today's Will's guest. It is. Yeah. It is. How are you feeling about your guest today, Will?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Guess how old he was when he died. By the way, not too soon, by the way. There's no fucking way that's too soon.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Isn't that amazing that he was never older than 23? I looked at him, I always tell you, he was like, you know, like, that's a man.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Hey, you know what's a great movie? Gone with the Wind. You guys seen that?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
And nothing's really gone. Nothing leaves. I mean, there's a fire, but, you know. It's got legs. Fire.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Hang on a second. This is like... Yeah, Rashida's here, by the way. Rashida Jones is here. You're like a one-man Reddit thread. You're like a fucking... And you're like, what am I doing? Why am I clicking?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
But is that a known fact or is that a weird Reddit thing that Dallas was based on Giant?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Okay. And then what Knotts Landing was based on? I'd love it if Scotty just slid in on a rolling stool. Well, that was based on...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I'm feeling very good about my guest. Yeah. Well, because, I mean, I don't want to get into it too quickly, but because it's somebody that we all know, so...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Just for what it's worth, A Place in the Sun with Montgomery Clift is an amazing movie. Sorry, I just thought we were doing random.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Yeah, would you back off? Come on, let's hear it. Your attitude is so shit. Go eat something for fuck's sake and then come back at me. That too much oatmeal is the problem.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
No, you get past it. You just got to race to bed. You have to get to sleep.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
He thinks it's discipline. Oh, it is definitely discipline. It's mental illness, bro, at this point.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
So, wait. So, Rashida, I want to talk to you a little bit about your experience. Everybody knows you from The Office and from Parks and Rec. But everybody knew you as this actress and you were kind of working in comedy and TV. And then you started...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You'd think I would have a preference as to either your guests or Sean's guests by now. Who ends up hosting better guests? Do you guys have a preference? I think it's pretty random, right? A lot of times we bring people on that...
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
You and, I want to say that you and, I don't know how long you knew Will McCormick for, but you guys teamed up, you started writing, and you just started writing all your own stuff. Like, you kind of made this shift at a certain point. Was that like a conscious decision? You were like, I've always had all these ideas, and I'm sick of doing other people's stuff. I just want to do my own shit?
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Did you know Mike Schur at Harvard? Yeah. Mike Schur is the one who created Parks and Rec.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
Mike Schur, yeah, for Tracy, Mike Schur started SNL and he was head writer of Weekend Update and then he went to The Office and then he went with Greg Daniels and they created Parks and Rec and then he went on to do Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Good Place and tons of other stuff. He's a brilliant writer and you guys have a long relationship.
SmartLess
"Rashida Jones"
I feel like I kind of know Schur through SNL but also kind of through you because you guys were friends.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It can be deafening if it needs to be. Yeah, the horns come in there and that's an alert.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
You know, it's interesting you say that when you sort of pitch that to Steve and then maybe he's a little reluctant or he thinks that you're kidding.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Do you notice or have you noticed over the years, because it's such a collaborative experience working on a film and when you're working with a director, have you noticed that maybe they didn't start with, they didn't have such an appreciation of music in the same way that you do and that they've learned or have certain directors learned to become, that you've,
SmartLess
"John Williams"
in fact, educated them over the years and that their sense of their sophistication when it comes to approaching music has gotten much better? Sorry, this is a poorly worded question, but after working for years with Steven, have you noticed that his ability to appreciate what you're doing has gotten more... Collaborative.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
yeah was was the was the tonal shift uh and and filmmaking shift that uh you both uh went through on schindler's list was it a comfortable transition for him into what was a much more pared down approach by design i'm sure um and and much more potentially, I don't know, sophisticated is the right word, but it was definitely a departure from what you guys had been doing for so long.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
A lot less single instruments at times as opposed to a more full-bodied orchestral... Some of the scenes were it's like Perlman alone.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Well, about the fact that dogs can't do MRIs, but cats can. Okay, so here we go. Great.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
You mentioned earlier the magic of a live performance and what a shame it is that the audience can't truly enjoy that because they can't fully trust it because of the process of putting together a score. But one of the greatest cultural things I find in Los Angeles, of which there aren't many,
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Sean, anything to fire up the cold open with? You want a dad joke? Yeah. Open up the book. Okay. Sorry, listener. Just give us one second. Welcome to our cold open. Did you hear about the cheese that's been working out? I didn't. What happened? The dude is shredded.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I think everybody admits is at the Hollywood Bowl when they run a movie on the big screen and they pull all the music out and they have the LA Phil do it. And oftentimes you'll conduct that. But so for Tracy, like all the music you hear and take Jaws, for example, if you pulled all the music out of it and you just watched the movie with all the dialogue and sound effects,
SmartLess
"John Williams"
That's something, but the music is an enormous character in any John Williams film. And so they just pull all that music out and then they play it live with the entire symphony or the entire orchestra. Do you like doing that? I mean, for me, it's magic because it is that live performance. You're seeing it done, pristine, matched to picture.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It is a little fast. Sean, take the note, okay? It's a little fast. Take the note from John Williams for Christ's sake.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Anyway. Sean's got a few written down. Go ahead, Sean. No, I got it. By the way, he went back and he wrote them down. Go ahead, Sean.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Okay. Anything else you want to help the people driving to finish off their car accident with?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Right. Yes. Yeah. Gosh. I love that that demanded it, that that music demanded that the film be cut to it. I mean, it shows the power of... of the music.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Has there ever been a film or a project that you've come into and you've thought, yeah, this is gonna be great, and then you realize that you were intimidated by it, or you thought... You just gave an example of a difficult situation you were in, but was there ever something that you thought, like, I don't know if I... I don't know if I have... I don't know if I can do this particular... If I can match the power of what's on the screen with the right music?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It was the first film that I, you know, I was young when it came out, but I saw it and I've seen it so many times over the years. It's one of the only films that I will rewatch consistently. And it did have that, it's funny you say that. That one and the first Teletubbies, right? And Teletubbies, obviously. And also your score for the Gilligan's Island pilot. Yes.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
People don't know that you wrote, that's true, actually. That's a true story, JB.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
That was really hard. John, what portion of that iconic was scripted and what portion of it was open to your autonomy? How was that described in the script? Where did the script stop and where did you pick up and do you remember the moment that you came up with those notes?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
One, two, three, four, five, bum, bum. And then there was... Oh, dum, dum. That was a response.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It seems fine. But it was scripted that the strategy of the scientists were to communicate with the ship via... five musical notes sound. Yeah. So, so that, that must have been enormously, um, intimidating, intimidating, right? Because you're like, it's not score. It's actually language that they've written into this script. And I got to come up with what the language is.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It was so primary. It was like how you would maybe elect to communicate with a child that doesn't yet know language. That's what was so powerful and evergreen and universal about it. And then when the conversation gets going and they're getting into a conversation, I mean, John, that was just magic.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
How you just made that all blossom and it just became like a celebration and they all got all carried away.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
But, John, it's true. Like, what Jason says is, and again, I'm sort of going back and doubling down on this, but the idea that, Jay, and Sean, too, that we as young men, we were, you know, still single digits. I was about eight when that, seven or eight when I came out. But I understood that. Yeah. In a way that was meant to be understood.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
In a way that my parents could, I could understand it emotionally. Mm-hmm. What was going on?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Leaving the theater with my mom in the parking lot, I said to her, I want to be taken, you know? And I was serious.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
She said, we did too. We wanted you to, and they gave you back. Yeah. Right? They wouldn't take you.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It's really interesting, yeah. You're asking for a response from the ship.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. It's a musical version of a hand being left out.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Reaching for someone. Yeah, like, come back to me or grab this. Let's unite.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Especially at a dinner theater, it was tough, because you get mashed potatoes thrown at you. Wait, wait, John, it is true.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
And were you happy to move away from television again or did you like that? It must be such a faster process, of course, time-wise.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
One of the things I love so much about listening to classical music is that it is the closest thing we have to a time machine because reading that music, playing that music note for note verbatim is exactly how they heard it, save the conductor adjusting time or pacing or whatever, is exactly what they heard 200, 300, 400, 500 years ago. And those were their rock concerts.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
And so when you're sitting there, you're listening to one of these orchestras play one of these pieces of music, it's as close to the exact experience people in the past had in anything we can do, I think.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Is there a piece of music that you've written, and now I'm going to get into the regrets, do you have something that you've listened to and you go, I wish I had just done it like this, like that you've driven home from recording... You know, you've just scored a thing that we all are really familiar with. But when you were driving home, you thought, I wish I had done it a little bit differently.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Do you have any regrets? Yeah, because as actors, we do that all the time. Yeah, we do it all the time. I wish I had done this scene. Oh, you know, sometimes you drive home and you get into your driver and you go, oh, that's what the scene was about. Or when you see it finally up on the screen.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Tell me about this... Wonderful routine you have at our, where Will and I are also at the same golf course that you play at. And we will see you almost every day about four or five o'clock. You'll take the cart down to the bottom of the hill in the first hole. That's wild. You'll park it. And then you will walk the rest of the hall, play your ball out.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Do you go on to the second hall or is that enough? And is it just a sort of a meditative, wonderful routine?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Oh, he was just incredible. I mean, you would have been very impressed with his piano playing ability. Somebody who would know what to look for. This guy's classically trained, and he did the entire Rhapsody in Blue solo on stage on a...
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Well, and that first hill is kind of a bear. But you're always alone, which I love because I'm a bit of an alone guy myself. Is that on purpose or is that just because you don't want to schedule it on anybody else?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
But you got to know that we play with Jason plays with people all the time and he never entertains them. So, I mean, that's possible.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It's incredible. I've been doing it two years. I think I've told you this, JB. I'll go sometimes on a Sunday afternoon by myself. And then just strap my bag on and just walk by myself and play nine holes at sort of three, four o'clock. It's my favorite. Yeah. It's my favorite thing to do. Yeah.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Next time we see you out there, fair warning, I'm going to run up and give you a handshake, a hug, or a tip of the cap or something.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Think about all the incredible work we wouldn't have had he stopped at 60. Yeah.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
It should be noted, Jon, and Sean might not say this because he's embarrassed, but there have been, in the 20 plus years that I've been friends with Sean, There have been too many times to remember the times that he's referenced, mentioned you, referenced your music, referenced what you've done. It's absolutely incredible. And I know it's such a thrill for him that you're here. And for us as well.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I guarantee you he's 10 seconds away from tears. Yes, he truly is. You've had a real impact on this young man's life.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
And mine as well. You have created my love of classical music because of what you've done.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Welcome to SmartList. Hello, my name is Jason. Hi, Jason. My name is Sean. I'd love to pod with you guys. Are you guys up for podding?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
not true that was my entry point to it was just being such an incredible fan of of movies and and focusing on the music and what that does and then discovering classical music and and i listen to it all day every day there'll never be another one like you ever ever ever
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah. So, listener, right as we were signing off, he said to his assistant, he said, huh, so that was a pod. Yeah. So, he's now had an experience.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah, yeah. Guys, I've got to go. All right. Okay. I don't think he ever, in Jaws, I don't think he ever scored the moment when Jaws actually took a bite out of anybody. Did he?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Nobody wanted to say anything about my restraint. I had so many bits in there. He was talking about the Marines and their horn section. I was going to say, Sean, you blew a Marine. All of them. I mean, and I never said it.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Listener, please go to Smartless Extras for all of Will's bits from this week.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
I had so many that I didn't do. You can only find an organ in a church. All that. None of it.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Less. Smart. Less. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah, John, you just tipped the fact that you said that you were in Louis B. Mayer's office, which is such a mind blow. Yeah. By the way, I'm Will. It's such a pleasure to meet you. For Tracy, he was a big studio head, like mogul. Film executive, yeah. What were those days like? What were the people, these old sort of iconic studio heads like, guys like Louis B. Mayer?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Yeah. Were they as showman-y and as gregarious as they're portrayed in the movies, as these guys smoking big cigars and, you know, screaming out orders and stuff like that? I think businessmen.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
John, what would you say, that's an interesting point you made, what would you say, in your opinion, is the greatest threat to this wonderful film industry that has been around for so long now, what in your view right now is its most sort of imminent threat to what we've got?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Hey, guys. Welcome to the cold open. Hey. Anything you'd like to say? No, Will. You can't start a cold open with a yawn.
SmartLess
"John Williams"
From a technological perspective, have you found that you've changed, wanted to change, resisted change, had to change the way in which you think about your scores in that when people are watching at home, for the most part, they're not in the best sound environment possible. A lot of them are watching in stereo. Some have the surround button pressed on their television, but there's still...
SmartLess
"John Williams"
Jason had a good one. Mark it down. Okay, sorry. No. Will, anything exciting in your life today?
SmartLess
"John Williams"
they're not getting the kind of experience audio-wise that they get in a theater. And do you find that that affects the way you think about creating a balance of instruments and where they would live in the channels?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You kind of hit bucket. It was like it was not going great, and you was like, might as well throw it all against the wall.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But your audience is bigger today than it's ever been, and you're not doing all of those sort of shocking things. You're doing measured, deep... conversations, long-form interviews with very sophisticated people and like, so.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I would say that it would, in a compliment to you, that it was less deliberate or contrived or strategic for you to, oh, let's switch it up now and give the audience something they're not going to expect. I think it's, and I haven't known you for, you know, a thousand years, but...
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
it does seem pretty obvious that you have naturally just evolved into a more curious, serious, not as a pejorative, person who's interested in different kinds of questions and with different kinds of people.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But you weren't doing it as a ratings ploy. You were being sincere and genuine.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
It doesn't matter whether it's comics or athletes or musicians or actors or whatever it is. You question them for us. as us, and it's a layman's point of view, and it's very curious, and you're listening, you have a bunch of fucking cards with questions on it, you're engaged in a conversation, and it was a true inspiration for us. It really was.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
How old were you when you still didn't know whether your dad's eye was glass?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Here we go. That's us. You guys. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Thank you for being here. You guys aren't really fans. You're friends of ours. So that's very nice of you to show up. Thank you, everybody. Drive all the way out here to Long Island. Pay nothing. Really nice. Pay nothing. Right?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Did Jimmy and Molly somehow convince you and Beth that this is going to be great?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
And he's in the theater with you. You just starred in something. He didn't stick around and say, what a treat.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But don't you also find that your agenda is no longer to provide a show for your listener, but instead perhaps you hope that the people remaining listening to you on that particular day happen to be as interested in the person you're talking to as you are. In other words, you're not... That's right. Yeah, and it's a more honest sort of, you're not pushing, you're not pressing, you're just sincere.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But when I'm in the mood for a long-form thing, it's like there's no one better.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I have to say, I tried to be a guest on your show for so many years. I kept asking my publicist every year, just hoping, like, are things good enough in my career where maybe I could be?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
No, no, no. But my publicist said, listen, Jason, we got news back. It's good news, bad news. Good news is he says he's a fan. Bad news is he says he just genuinely really has nothing he would like to know. No, no, no. I'm paraphrasing. But it was absolutely true.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
So Sean should be an axe murderer, right? I mean, but he's... Let's see how this goes.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
No, no, but seriously, it's much more interesting talking to somebody who's got, like, a weird, fucked up... Here's the thing.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You did have some sense that you... I had no sense. I was an idiot. You had a sense that your personality might be halfway entertaining. I didn't know.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
So you weren't always this charismatic? You weren't always this comfortable in talking?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But is that the group that would, if anyone was going to get you starstruck, that or athletes or musicians? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Who? Who's the one that you haven't met you'd be like, uh-oh, I can't talk?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
We could do this all day long. This is going great. Speaking of... Now, wait. So, speaking of... What is happening?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
First of all, I don't think we've said it yet. I can't thank you enough for doing this. You don't do this. I've seen you do it for Letterman. I've seen you do it for Kimmel. You don't do this, and I can't thank you enough.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Beth, back me up here. Like, what are you guys doing? I know you're not out there, like, running 10 miles on the beach every day. Is it just jeans? I mean, you look exactly the same.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You want to go turps off? You want to go turps off? No, no, no. But you don't look like you ache or you're sore. I can't fucking. I'm a mess. No, no.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You seem like you're in great shape. Are you doing anything that we need to know about?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
It's incredible, the painting here. I don't know if you guys. Does people know? Okay. And the photography. It's like. Thank you. And the tiny sketching with the magnifying glass. I liked it.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Who's your favorite guitarist? Oh, Jesus. Just name one of them. A few of them.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Was there a fork in the road where had you stuck with that instead of radio, you wouldn't have been that?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Why do you think you're so well-adjusted? I'm not. I'm a mess. I'm still with the psychiatrist.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Do you think, do you, well, but like, I don't think that people know, like, if there was one misconception of you, do you have any idea what that might be? I mean, I don't know, but I will say that for me personally, given... your edge of humor, it was really exciting to get to know you a little bit and see how incredibly soft and chewy you are on the inside.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I had a lot of anger. But there's a choice to, like, not be fucked up and just know how to manage that.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You know, your observations were spot on. I was speaking my truth. But it was sometimes painful for folks, and that was the funny part.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
At this time, was there a plan for you to play the part? And they wanted to actually go another direction?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Will, you have my phone number, right? Yeah. And my email address? Yeah, I got it all. I don't like clips of things. Do you know who this is? You're too grouchy. He sort of clued me into it. It's our smart list on Moose Boosh today, right?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Everybody take a nice break. We'll record in about 20 minutes. What do you mean?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Here's what you can do. Let's get better than that. While you're being quiet and pretending that you're not here when we're doing... No, I'm not going to do it. If I have to be completely quiet, I'm not doing it.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Howard Stern, keep it going. Keep it going. The one and the only. The king of all media. Radio, podcast, television, film.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But he was also incredibly generous and empathetic and probably knows that we're nervous and we're dumb and we have a new show and he's the king.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Tremendous amount of candor. Immediately he took the reins and helped us and he started talking.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But it's too early to do it now. We're still doing wrap-up. We're wrapped up. Okay, we're wrapped up.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Sorry about that, guys. Sorry about that. But the interview was fun, was it not? It was really fun.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Okay, you're yelling at me. I'm fucking nervous that you're gonna guess it and I'm gonna be all freaked out. This is coming out at your time, Howard. Five letters, was it five letters?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
But if you get this, like, you're going to be in my life the rest of my life. That is what I do.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
We're very excited to be doing, like, so we're going to do four live shows.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
Every year. You know, we're going to do the... We're open to less, Scott, but that's fine. We'll do the regular sort of podcast on the computer thing, right? What do you watch it or listen to it on? Whatever it is. And then we're going to do four live shows. This is our first one. Very excited about it. On top of that... We've got our white whale.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
You've also made Howard the second guest. When's the last time you weren't the lead guest?
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
So we called it... What you did for it, though, because we had all sort of heard that satellite radio was coming, and I was a little circumspect.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
I was like, well, I don't know if I want satellite. I got to get a different radio. When you went to satellite, I was like, oh, it's okay now. It was like when Fincher went to Netflix.
SmartLess
"Howard Stern"
People would ask me, who have you not interviewed that you want to? Howard Stern. Because he doesn't do this, and he's the man.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Sean tried stand-up, and we won't get to his opening joke, but he started so far from the laugh, and then he never got even to the same area code as the laugh. You know what I mean? Like, he never had actual direct sight. on the laugh. They never got a clean look at it. It turned into a lecture.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Even with a series of mirrors, he couldn't see the laugh. It was so obscured.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
What about political sex? Will you ever touch political sex? Is that something that you'd be willing to do? That I will. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Sure. Sure. I, you know, it is funny. It is remarkable how, uh, how clean your standup is. And a lot of people, it's, it's such a weird thing to have to say to, to point it out, but I guess it is worthy of pointing out. And it is to me such a testament to, to how profoundly funny you are. And honestly, and I hope it is a badge of honor for you.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
It should be, because it really, you find ways to talk about stuff and you don't need to swear.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Famously never. Well, again, let's not try to, you know, look at, so let's not.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
But that comes across, and you do that bit about the guy coming to replace the water heater in your other special, and you go, finally the guy realizes you don't know what you're talking about. He thinks maybe this is a modern relationship. And he says to Nate, the guy said, is your husband here? And then you go, yeah, I think she's here somewhere. Yeah. It's so good.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And it is, like you said, you're self-deprecating. You're the butt of the joke, which I think is always such a winning combo. You're not making fun of somebody. You're not having a laugh at somebody else's expense. You're not putting somebody else down to make yourself funny, which is great. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
You got your sisters working for you. And then you're on tour with your mom and dad and your aunt. I mean, cool, though. That's cool. It's pretty rad.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yeah, I have an 11-year-old daughter. Why are you so nervous to ask him that, Jason? By the way, he's married. He said he's not available. What are the kids' ages?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
It's an acronym. Well, he said it's an acronym. And I just went, and I thought about it for two seconds, and I went, not of planet Earth. Not of planet Earth. I remember the look on his face. He was a little mad, I think.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I think, yeah, I think that making fun of your friends is not a good path to go down. It's not... Unless it's Sean. Unless it's Sean. I mean, it's such a big button to hit. No, I thought we were talking about friends. Yeah, Sean. Oh, right. I can feel warm inside.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
So we started in. Of course. Of course. And just fucks connected to you? Like, what are you doing, dude?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
He is. He's from upstate New York. What arena or place are you playing tonight in Syracuse?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
That's what hurt me the most was the stunning, the stunned look on everybody's face when I do something. Well, we're going to have a stunned look at your guest when he comes on. Well, he's going to have a stunned look at Sean.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
He's going to have a stunned look when he heard your joke, for sure, because he tells jokes for a living. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Here we go. And he doesn't just tell jokes. Man, this guy tells jokes. This son of a gun. This son of a gun, and that's kind of the language that he would use, too, son of a gun.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Do you guys have jokes from when you were a kid that you'll never forget? One joke that's appropriate to tell? Is there one like a go-to that you remember?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I have one which is like, people always say that ballet is really hard to do, and so I always say, just don't do it. Yeah. Oh, see, Nate laughed. That was Sean's opening joke when he did stand-up.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Don't. If I could give you one piece of advice. If we could just lose the Cosby references. Boy, if we could get it down to single digits, it would be great. You know what? I'm going to send you a couple articles. Harvey Weinstein and I once set up an LLC. But so you've got this huge... Apparatus. Yeah, apparatus, right?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Sean, can you wait a second? Sorry, Nate. Jesus. Hey, by the way, what the fuck is Bargatze?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
He, Dax does love Son of a Gun. He does. This guy uses, I don't know, there's something about his, everything that he does, his delivery, his turn of phrase, the things he talks about, the way he does it. A lot of people call him the nicest guy in stand-up. I think of him as just the funniest dude I've seen in such a long time.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Nate, what do you like to do in your free time? And you've got a lot of time like on a bus or you're touring or on the plane or whatever. What do you watch? What are the things? Are you a sports guy? Do you watch other stand-ups?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
So you watch UFC, you watch golf, you like to play golf. You play golf when you're on the road?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And I remember the first time I heard about him was through our old friend, Greg Garcia. Yeah, and Greg was like, Greg reached out to me. He's like, you have to have this guy on, blah, blah, blah. And I made some glib remark. He's like, you're going to regret it. I go, I think he's hilarious. Relax, Greg. And then, JB, you and I had the pleasure of meeting him really, really briefly.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
That's nice. And then you're going on tour. You got a new special. You're shooting a new special.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
We met him really briefly up at, last year, up at Pebble Beach. And he's as nice as he is funny, and it's all legit. I love this guy. He's so, so funny. I love Ray Romano. I love the Tennessee kid. I love the Tennessee kid. I love his new special Hello World on Amazon. He's about to go on tour in a new one. Guys, it's none other than the hilarious Nate Bergazzi. Nate Bergazzi! Even better.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Watch this. Do you think that's impressive? Sean, Applebee's menu backwards. Go.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Pretty good. I'll eat that. Every place makes a Chinese chicken salad now. That's kind of like the new molten lava cake. Every place has a Chinese chicken.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
One of the best ones. Yeah, one of the best ones. No, Sean's highlighting his chin, chin, chin. Wait, so of all those kinds of restaurants, I forget what you call them. Are they big box restaurants?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
It's been a minute, but I did like to see in your new special, Nate says, everything I learned, I don't know a lot that came from a big, like a building, like a higher education building. Everything I learned, I overheard at a Target or a Lowe's.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Go to Chili's. And they also have the great, they used to have the Southwest egg rolls or whatever. They used to have those things. Me and Dax used to always go to, God, I love a Chili's.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Did we ever get any confirmation on the doctor portion of the pepper? Like, did we ever see documentation to prove that he graduated? He's a just diet. What kind of doctor was he? Yeah, I mean. Dr. Pepper. I do like diet Dr. Pepper, too. And I'm going to say this. I like their ads. I like their TV ads. I think they're funny, the college football ads. I think they're real clever.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Nate, before I let you go, how do you know Greg Garcia? How did that happen, this son of a gun? Speaking of son of a guns.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Sean, I mean, first of all, this is your dream. They go to a casino and they're going to chain restaurants. I mean, you know, every single, every Cracker Barrel has got skin marks in front from Sean's car.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Well, Greg Garcia is one of the all-time great guys. Super, super funny guy. One of the funniest pranks. He always... I'm not really like a big pranks guy, but he is so funny. I had a long joke and a prank, and I just... He's such a great guy. So, yeah, that makes sense that you guys would be pals.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Well, listen, I'm going to return the offer and say next time you're out here in California, let's go play golf, man, and hang out and grab some lunch. Such a huge fan of yours, dude. Honestly, you're just the funniest, funniest, funniest dude. So funny. It's so good to see you. So exciting to see you. Just more and more and more people appreciate you. Really happy for your success.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Nate, thank you for doing this. What a thrill. Thank you for saying it. What a thrill. All right, the great Nate Bergazzi. Thank you, buddy. Thank you, Nate. Thanks, Nate. Thank you, guys. See you, man. Have fun. Bye.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Wait, wait, how old... I'm 44. I should have... He's pretty young. You know what, Nate? I didn't see Shawshank until I was 45. Oh, I'll do it next year. Anyway, Nate Bargatze. Nate. Dude. Nate, this is really nice. Great to see you again, because we did meet. We did meet up at Pebble.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? No, but we have a pretty high threshold. Like, we have a pretty decent amount of patience for you in that regard.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
People who don't think like I do. I have a short fuse for stuff. I don't suffer.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Punch down either, especially if it, you know, we do do a lot of joking around and we love to sort of rip each other and stuff, but anytime I see somebody who likes to, and we talked about it with Nate, who likes to get a laugh at somebody else's expense. Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Right. But if you have no dog in that fight and you're just observing that person, it can be hilarious. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that is true. That is true.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And then play some golf over there. You're not playing golf anymore. Not until October. I have to be disciplined. I know. I mean, we can go to Nate's. Here it comes. We can go to his show and participate or we can go and just be a bunch of bystanders.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barber.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
I like... Nate, I like that Sean... You said, I'm in Syracuse. Sean goes, working?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Jimmy right now, by the way, he's hearing this. He's sharpening his knife hearing us say this.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
And you sell, Nate, you sell out arenas like 20,000 at a clip, which is just unbelievable. And on top of this, and I'm gonna say this, and I really, and I've said it a bunch since it aired, when you were on SNL, your sketch, your George Washington sketch, is to me, just in my opinion, That was hysterical. the funniest SNL sketch I've seen in 15 years. I totally agree with that.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Oh, wow, I'm going to look that up. I totally agree with that. It is remarkable. Now, your TV just went on, which tells me that you're bored.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
But you have, to echo what Sean's saying, you have just kind of finally, thankfully, the rest of America is just like... understand what an awesome, awesome, hilarious dude you are. So how do you start? You're the Tennessee kid. You're from Old Hickory, Tennessee. Am I right about that?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
No, we stayed old. He's got this great joke in his new special on Amazon Prime where he says, I'm from Old Hickory. It's where Andrew Jackson's from. And people are like, he wasn't a good guy. And Nate goes, well, we didn't know him that well, but we didn't know him at all. It's a hilarious joke.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
That's what I was thinking. That's what I was getting to. How did you start?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Wait, wait, wait. So, Nate, so you grew up, your dad's a magician. He obviously loved you. Sorry, Sean. And he, I mean, to the extent that he wanted to stick around.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
So what was that like growing up with your dad being a magician? That's pretty rad.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Do you want anything? One second, I just want to... Do you want something? Okay. Okay. Can I get one crispy chicken? Two crispy chicken for you, because I don't know... You want two for yourself. Okay, no judgment. That's fine. And ice cream. Do you guys even serve... You know what? Do you mind if we just do this after? Welcome, it's an all-new Smart List.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Wait, so Nate, so your dad, Sean was going to ask this, so your dad made a living as a magician.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
So then when you, what age were you when you were, like, actually kind of to what Jason, you kind of alluded to, but did you start just, like, being a wiseass on the side of your dad's stage while he was doing magic? Like, is that how stand-up started for you?
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Wait, wait. So, Nate, so I want to kind of get, again, we're the worst interviewers on the planet. We were just voted worst ever interviewers. We nailed it. Of all time. Yeah. But I want to go back because we, again, because you play these huge arenas and it's amazing. I don't know if I've ever seen a comic so comfortable.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
You make it so intimate, even though you're playing a huge... There's something about it that makes it so personal and you're so organic. Yeah, you draw us in as opposed to ask for... And we're talking about authenticity. You're very authentic. But that feels like when you started, you must have started in clubs, like in smaller venues, right? Like most comics, I imagine.
SmartLess
"Nate Bargatze"
Good. But what does that do for you rhythm-wise, et cetera, when you're just doing six people?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I took history. I dropped out of college, but I was a history major and I love history. I read mainly.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
My old house, when I was going to buy it, I thought, like, fuck, how am I going to get up this thing when it ices? And they're like, oh, it doesn't get icy. Never ices. That's incredible. I know. By the way, go ahead, Sean. You were going to say something. No, you go. Well, I was just going to say, because I realize as I'm talking, I did another mistake.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I tell you what, we could have used some of that kind of ingenuity in Vietnam. Now, I'm just saying, we could have used people. The country could have used you. Yeah, the country could have used it, Larry.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I got one of those e-mails, and it had the thing, and it had, like, reviews buried in the e-mail. I open it up, and then it has, like, a couple about the podcast. One of them was one star, and it said, does Will only get one hour to speak a week? Because he just wouldn't shut up. And I'm like... I'm giving this guy satisfaction, but at the same time, I'm thinking, like, it's free, right? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But did you, so when you get into that, started writing that half-hour multicam format.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah. So... But I love the way Seinfeld... Sorry, Willie. Well, I was just going to say, so I kind of want to get into this half-hour format.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
So you do multicam, but the way that you do Seinfeld, it's not like traditional multicam, because you have... Well, at least initially, you kind of would go back and forth to Jerry doing his stand-up, and then you guys kind of fine-tuned that as you went, is my recollection. Right. Right.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And then you just kind of moved it to the end. Yeah, right. But did you, again, sort of, I don't want to get too in the weeds on the format. No, go in the weeds. But we're already in the weeds. Did you enjoy, did you, I don't know, was it difficult for you writing in that format? Was it a format that you liked or that you had to get used to or that you rebelled against?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I guess so. And or it made him so mad this thing he's getting for free that he went online and typed out a message, gave the podcast one star.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah. Larry, and it should be noted... I was a fan of Jerry's. I saw him when I was like 17. My buddies got me for my birthday to go see Jerry play in Toronto in a theater. Oh, no way. Yeah. And I was a really big fan of his stand-up. And so when you guys started the show, I watched the first season. I had just moved to New York. It was the fall of 90, right, when you guys came on the air?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah. Wow, that's so crazy. So crazy. And it was the Seinfeld Chronicles, as everybody knows, right?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And I seem to remember, I think we talked about this maybe when Jerry was on, that the budget for the show at NBC came out of late night. that initially it was Rick Ludwin who- I think Variety. Oh, Variety, Variety, yeah. And right, was it- Rick Ludwin. Yeah, one of the greats.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You always read those. I know. Well, I do it for you guys. I'm out here. You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Second of all. Larry, how did you guys do with toddlers? Did you guys get a lot of toddlers?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You take it under advisement, though. Yeah, we take it under advisement. So I'm going to shut up. Well, don't do that. No, don't do that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
It's the best way to do it. You never need to fucking explain it. No, no, no. You don't need to explain everything, right? I love that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Kids aren't funny. Kids aren't funny. Hey, the other thing is, Larry, do you think... God, you did something really genius, which is you were able to play this version of yourself, if you will. And you get to sort of be cranky and say whatever you want. And it must have gotten so obvious. It just bled into your real life that you're able to now because people just buy it.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And they're like, well, it's just Larry being Larry. He's like from the show. And now you can go to a gas station and give a guy the finger and people will laugh. See you later.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
or scream at the slow group in front of you whatever the fuck you want on this planet I don't know about the planet but like the west side of LA and Manhattan you could do whatever the fuck you want it's made my life it's made my life so much better Jesus fucking Christ. Now I'm jealous. I'm really getting heated now when I realized this fucking carte blanche.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
You literally printed yourself a carte blanche to say whatever the fuck you want in the places that we... And people are disappointed if I'm not that way.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
People are like, fuck, the guy paid his bill and he didn't tell me to go fuck myself. I mean, what am I doing wrong?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I know what you mean. A little cathartic in a way, way to couch it. I mean, when you're talking, obviously it's the fucking greatest.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Larry, you could probably get away with putting a sign that said, go fuck yourself, and people would fucking adore you for it. They'd fucking build you a goddamn monument. I'm still really grinding on this over here.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Like if you're not going to go to the beach, you're going to look at the weather. And if the weather is rainy, you're not going to fucking go for two and a half hours, right?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I'm with you on that. I get kind of offended that these guys know, like, if you invite me to a one-year-old's birthday party, I'm fucking mad. I'm like, don't invite me to a one-year-old's birthday party. That's outrageous.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
No, but my kids go to the bar mitzvahs because that's where all the makeouts happen. Yeah, just the service. Yeah, you just come to the service, not the party.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Or you can say fuck off. We've never done a speed. Why are you doing it for Larry? That's a terrible idea. Terrible. Yeah, make Larry the monkey. Oh, Sean's upset. Okay, Sean, do one speed thing. One.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I understand. That's wild. Right? Those neural pathways are dug so deep based on what... Larry, what do you do when you're not doing your show anymore and you're not doing stand-up? What do you... I know you like to play golf, but is there anything else that you like to do that you have any sort of stupid hobbies or anything that you do to occupy your time that people wouldn't know?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Hang on one second. Sorry, let me remind you where you were. So Scotty loves peanut butter. Go ahead. Right. Wait, by the way. No, this is really interesting. Do you think that this would fit into the breaking news category?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Curb your enthusiasm. The final, is it called The Final Frontier? What's the name? Is there like a subtitle?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I'm around. I played over at your club the other day for the pro-am they did.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
What? Yeah, he had three birdies. My team did. Yeah, I did have three birdies. Who did you play with? I played with Sebastian Maniscalco. And who else did I play with? And with Jeff Azoff. Who was your pro? With Sam Burns. Wow, really? Yeah. And he was great. Sam Burns went low that day. And Jeff Azoff is great, as you know. He plays at your club. He's terrific. He's a club champ.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And then, Sebastian, forget about it. And then, I mean, just to put it in terms that he would understand. He's so funny.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Canadian asshole. Canadian moron gets invited. How are you not? They're trying to go international. Anyway, well, Larry, we'll get out and play someday. That would be good. And I'll show you around your own club and where to hit it and stuff, you know.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
We're big fans. I know you hate it, and not to embarrass you, you've done so much great stuff in your career, and for guys like me, and I can speak for these guys, it's a thrill. Honestly, you're such a funny guy, you're such a funny writer, such a funny performer, and it's inspiring, to be totally honest. Again, not to put you on the spot, you don't have to respond.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But it's great, and we look up to people like, you know, to you and what you do. I think it's awesome. What you do is not easy.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Thank you. And sometimes it's not cool and comedy to pay those kinds of compliments or whatever, but it is true, and you are definitely an inspiration. So thank you for all the awesome stuff you've done.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Peanut butter appreciation site turned into a dating site. They got married at the Jif headquarters. Okay, so here we go. Here we go. Do you like Jif? This is funny, actually. Do you like Jif?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
He legit did say that. How come you're never on? And I was like, well, it's your show.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
So he's at 60%, and now he's at 66%. I guess a second ago, he was batting 1,000, and now he's still Hall of Fame.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Well, three. The Gilbert Gottfried thing. Anyway. I know. He is so incredible. He's so fucking incredible. And I do mean it. Apart from that, not only did he write himself licensed to do what he wants, right, in terms of his behavior and being as cranky as he wants in a way that is really, you know, invokes a lot of jealousy in me, but also he got paid really handsomely to do that.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And I will say, Knoxville, you've got some history with this. You've obviously spent some time in between, you know, over the years doing shit that other people won't do, stuff that seems really scary and gnarly. Yeah. So I can see it. But, Ella, how much of an appetite do you have for doing shit that you're not, you didn't think... People could do yeah, I mean to an extent.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And was touching the penis the thing that opened the... Yes, it was. That was the gateway? Penis was the gateway drug?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I mean, I'd love to dig into that a little bit. You open with decent. I'm going to take your word on it.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
By the way, if they're listening to this, then they're lapsed, and then they're just as guilty as you are, and now the playing field is level.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But if you hit the Pentecostals, they could maybe be on an episode of Pretty Sure I Can Fly because if they're handling snakes... Oh, yeah.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
It must. It must. Was there a thing, like, was there like a common trait that you noticed in a lot of these people that you, other than the childhood, a lot of them came from difficult childhoods. Anything else that sort of gave them that fearlessness?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sean wants to know, I'm just asking, he doesn't want to embarrass himself, can you get a traumatic brain injury from watching TV every night?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But look at me. I'm still here. Hey, Sean, have you seen 100-Foot Wave, by the way? No. You have to watch this. And it's by that guy, Garrett McNamara. I definitely told you about it. I'm writing it down right now. Watching what these big wave surfers do, not just Garrett, but all those guys. When I see those guys, when they're like, man, there's a storm coming to Portugal, to Nazare.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
We got to get there. We've got 48 hours. We need to get there because there's a fucking crazy storm. And I need to get on a surfboard and have a dude tow me in behind a ski-do so I can get on the storm waves. And I'm thinking like, I'm looking for the closest restaurant that's got a happy hour.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
But you know what? Both you and Scotty have the same, you end up with the same result.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
No, wait. Now, you're telling me that the Disney movie Cool Runnings that was trying to capitalize on the Jamaican bobsled team, it wasn't true?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Sean, do you know this? They ended up training for months. They trained on daiquiris. They would go.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Hey, do you like weather? Come over here real quick. Can I talk to you for a second?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Which Sean has the worst sleep hygiene, I imagine, of the four of us here. So that must have, you had to dig deep. Did you study people's sleep? How'd you do it, Sean?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Larry said to me, Larry, do you remember this? Like about a year ago, I ran into you and Larry said, Hey, you should be on the show. He said, how come you... He did. And he goes, how come you were never on Curb? I said, first of all, I said, well, because I think I'm too tall. And then I said, and then I said, it's your show. You never asked me. That's why. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I did Law & Order. But I would say this. Now I take pride in the fact that I wasn't. Now I'm in a more exclusive club. I'm like the Marty Scorsese of never winning the best Oscar for directing with regards to... Or Susan Lucci.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Wait a second. Sean, do you have an agenda you're trying to get to? No, I just want to ask him a question. Wait, I haven't even gotten to the point yet that I feel so bummed out. Yeah, because I would have loved that environment so much. Larry, it's not over yet. It's not over. Larry, I'm going to fucking... I mean, I've run into Gary on the, to Larry on the golf course. I keep calling him Gary.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I think I've told you this before. I live in such a snowy place. Well, not really that snowy, but cold, to the extent that this morning, dropping the kids to the bus, it was raining and stuff, and I saw this one road.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
That's why I run into him on the golf course. Maybe that had something to do with it. I've run into Larry on the golf course before and I've never been able to say it except for the one time when he asked me where I haven't been on. I was like, man, I really wish, and it is one of my true regrets. I was like, that's an environment I feel like I would have really liked because I like to fuck around.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Larry, can we go back, Sean? Can I grab the reins here for a second? Sure, sure, yeah. I know that you were a stand-up back in New York. You started sort of as a stand-up, right? And I know this from, I got kind of a history of you through our mutual friend Jim Valli, the great Jim Valli, who I adore. He lived in my building. And he lived in your building. In New York.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I remember him telling you stories. And when Tannis' daughter was little, and Jim was kind of a stay-at-home dad in a lot of ways, right? Yeah. And he would talk about you living in the building at Manhattan Plaza, right? Right. What was that like, being a stand-up back then? What were your ambitions when you were doing that back in those days, living in Manhattan Plaza?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Well, I don't live in the valley, so anyway... I see a road that's going up off Beverly Glen, like really steep little side road. And I think my first, and I had this in my old house, like, boy, man, it's going to be tough when it gets icy. It doesn't get icy. No.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
By the way, Sarah, I also have a mom who says a lot of inappropriate stuff.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Should I just start counting days again? No, let's just pump the brakes on that.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And I tell you what, about 25 million listeners per month. Trish is about to get the bombardment she never knew she had.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I was on a Falcon last week. Is that not... He doesn't like the Falcons. The Falcons he thinks are beneath him.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Wait, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, I want to talk. So here's my thing about pilots, and I love hearing that you like to meet the pilot before. What I do is I like to say to the pilots, how are we looking, right, for our journey? Because what I don't enjoy is if you get on a flight and you have a bunch of turbulence and the pilot doesn't say anything, he doesn't come over.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Well, you know what it is? You know why? Because you know what it is? This is a relationship. And relationships really work with communication. So you need to have this communication. If you can't grow up, Sean, for a second, then take five, okay? Because Sarah and I are talking about relationships. You're back on a tight five.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
He sits down, he sits in his seat and he plugs a type C plug into the side of his head and it goes into the side of the plane and then he just... Power down. He started making... Don't power down, Jason. Exchange information. Just like a software.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
So wait. If they try talking to me, I always go, why won't you talk? And I just go, sorry, man, my leprosy is flaring up. You know what I mean?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Well, I'm just trying to imagine your tone. I bet it wasn't considered friendly.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Sean and I were talking on the weekend. We saw each other last night, JB. Yeah, that's what Sean just said. And we were with your wife, and I spent a lot of time with your wife last night. A lot of time. We started talking about... I've been freaked out this weekend. And, Sean, I mentioned this to you. We started talking about it because you read... I sent you the article.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You guys want to hear my ultimate kink? My ultimate fantasy? I do. Uh-oh, here we go. It's I'm getting stung by a bee while I'm sitting on a big sponge going through turbulence. With clowns. Going through turbulence, yeah. With a clown pilot. With a clown for a pilot.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I was just saying yesterday, I was just saying, nothing says don't hire me like a neck tattoo. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
That's okay. It's the face forward. It's the face tattoos and the neck tattoos. It's like, and I'm sure there are people like, the comments like, neck tattoo saved my life. I don't care, but.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
That's nice. If you want to sort of take it away a little bit so it doesn't seem too pompous, you could just put comma JK.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And it's been freaking me out. And that guy, Jonathan Haidt, wrote that book, Anxious Generation.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Still could have been your fault, though. Sorry. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, if you were colicky or something like that.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And it's kind of... I spent the weekend, like, talking to my kids about it and, you know, what this smartphone has done to this young generation and, like, the super increased rates of... Depression. Anxiety. Anxiety. Even, sadly, suicide, of course. And it's like, it's really bummed me out. And I've just been like... What would the boys say about it? Well, I, you know what is funny?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Are you kidding? Cut it out. We're going to fucking loop it, and we're going to send it to Jen immediately.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
She'll kick your ass, yeah. By the way, Sean's sister yesterday got a... I want to say this to Tracy. Tracy lives in Wisconsin. Tracy, listen up. A beautiful red... Beautiful red golf shirt. Beautiful Wisconsin Badgers golf shirt. Yeah. which was very generous and with a beautiful note that was so nice. She's a very nice person, Sean.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Clearly, you got her wrong. You have her wrong. Tracy is a wonderful person.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Did you talk to them about it? I did. I talked to them a little bit about it. And I said, you know, what you got to remember is that these, some of these, these companies are trying to, there are people out there who knew that this stuff would be addictive to you guys. And they, and they fed it to you. Like big tobacco. Yeah. In a way, in a similar way. And I was like, how does that make you feel?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
This is not going well. By the way, I know this is the story about how you and Holland got together. But for me, it's the details of it are the fucking meat. They're really the meat of it. Because the Buck Henry dinner and the Martha Plimpton abortion. This is like the fucking Olympics for me. This is incredible.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Now, talk to me a little bit about that. Are you serious? Tell me about that a little bit. And again, okay, this is, I'm divulging too much, but I said to Alessandra recently, who also, you'd like her tattoos. She has a lot of great tattoos.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
No, on her arm. She does have one on the back of her neck. And I said to her recently, we started talking about the idea of separate beds. Jesus Christ. And somebody wrote this, not in the same room. Somebody wrote this thing. She sent it to, she sent me this article because I kind of joked about it. Because sleep is so important. We're big sleepers. We're 9-15 in bedders. And so, yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And that's why I am 65. Yeah. It looks so incredible. And I'm taking the words out of your... I feel like I'm cutting you off. No? No, she didn't say how great you look. Okay, okay. But sleep and hookers. Keeps you young.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Like, do you feel angry? And they were like, yeah, I feel kind of pissed off. Because I feel duped. Look, we're all guilty of it. We were talking last night. Like, how many times you're talking to somebody and you've got your phone and you go, hang on, sorry, what? Like, your attention is divided. And so I do it as an adult. And imagine what that does if you're a teen. It's even harder.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
No, but we start talking about this idea, and so then we made a joke, and we're not going to do it, but this joke about living separately, living in another house, there is a certain wisdom to it on some levels, right?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Honestly, it's my, one of my favorite things is to come home after a long time and fill my partner in.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You know what? The snoring is a real thing. Does Scotty have a CPAP machine?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
And this is a moment where you're establishing your neural pathways. And I said to Sean, I go, the richest man, my 13-year-old, has the same phone as the richest man in the world. That's crazy. Yeah, they're all the same phones. I'm nervous about my kids, like...
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Fucking guys, can I just get a little bit of credit? You got to go? No, I didn't jump in when I was teed up with sucked and in the closet, and I didn't say a fucking word. Yeah, you didn't do it. I didn't either, so I bought it. I didn't say a fucking... I just sat here like a good fucking student. It's a cheap gay joke, you know, but you refrained. No, I didn't say anything.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
going out or walking around the corner or whatever, and yet I'll let them get on their phone and go to the far, deep reaches of the Internet. I don't know. I've got to change. Anyway, that's been kind of dominating my thinking. Something to do, something to figure out.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You should check it out. It's pretty fantastic. All of it. And you should also remember that nobody is going to be more critical about your work than Tricia.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I had a terrible joke, and I didn't say it. I just had another terrible one.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Get it out. And it's fucking killing me. And I said that Houdini was going to do the trick with the elephant. It was too long, so they asked him to truncate it.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
She's one of those people who's always good no matter what she does. Yeah, she's so great. No matter what she's in.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
The thoughts are glazed or cake? Sprinkled or no sprinkle. Hot fudge, hot fudge, caramel, fuck it both.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Well, we don't really know you. No, I got some notification to verify that it's me on my Google. I don't know, but I was listening, and what I was thinking was... I mean, just exactly what we talked about. At least I listened more than you did. At least I listened more than you did when you were going to see her play Appropriate. Clearly. Thanks, Will. Both of you guys, you both missed it.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I missed seeing the play. Now, Sarah, I don't really know you like these guys do, so hi. Then hush.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I tell you what, do yourself a favor. Don't ask either of them to define it because it'll be embarrassing for everybody. So moving forward.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I am. I'm going to see the play. What's the date? What's the date on that? Just so Sarah can be ready.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
She hates knowing. Just give her a ballpark. I'd say it, but she hates knowing.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I wanted to, because I was going to say, I was about to tell you, and then she's like, I hate knowing.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
This is how I ended up with three kids. Because people didn't want to know when I was coming. Listen, let me tell you something, Sarah.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
That's terrible. Sarah, let me tell you something. Here's what I'm going to do. I want to show you. And I have so much respect for you as an artist. Unlike these guys. I do too. Unlike these guys.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you when I'm going to come to see this show. I'm not going to come and see the show, and I'm not going to tell you afterwards. So you won't even know I was there. Okay? Because I respect you.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
Yeah. If before June 23rd, I find myself at the Tabasco Theater. Yeah. And I've seen the play and I've enjoyed it. And I'm the first one to my feet and my hands hurt from all the clapping. And I'm just, and I'm hooting and hollering. And then there's the moment If you guys find out that I'm there and I don't come backstage, do you and your cast want me there? And there's a thumbs up.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I just want to really make a point of this. Do you guys, do you and your cast, do you guys want me there?
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
You need to save that. Sarah, can I just say, I need to say something. I need an interjection, if you don't mind.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
I don't know you as well as these guys, and I have a real feeling that you and I are going to be better friends than they could ever imagine. I love you for saying that so fucking much. Oh, yeah.
SmartLess
"Sarah Paulson"
But I would say this for Trish. I will say this for Trish, Sarah. Trish is here, by the way. She's staying in your guest house, right?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So how did you first get, were they just like, hey, listen, who's got a really shitty disposition? Nikki Glaser, let's get her in here. Yeah, she's really mean to people.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
JB, tell her our rule that Matt Damon taught us. What? Which is that you should apply this. Well, it was Ben who told Matt. But he said, if somebody asks you to do something, and you can start using this from this moment forward, Nikki. If somebody asks you to do something. Like two months down the line. Six months, come and show up at this thing.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I totally relate to that. And obviously, none of us, the three of us, is a stand-up. But anytime I'm asked to kind of go and host something, you know, charity thing or whatever. It's a lot of work. A, it's a lot of work. But B, every single time I do it, I become a bigger and bigger grouch leading up to the day, leading up to the moment, and I'm fucking in the worst place.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then you do it, and it works. And you're like, that was fucking great. And everybody in your life is like, Fuck, man. You were a dick for the last two weeks.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Are we producing it with you? What's... No, no. Sean is a taskmaster. He's just like, our joke is, Sean takes, like, if an email comes to the three of us about some sort of business thing, within 12 seconds, before he thinks of his answer, he's responding.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I'm like, I need 24 hours to think about it. I'm like, I'm not answering you.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Buy a rope, buy a chair. Find a beam, find a beam. Throw the rope over the beam. Kick the chair out.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Scotty! By the way, Sean, I noticed something about the way that you described you. You sounded like you were from Brooklyn or something. You go, since I'm 22.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Wednesday. Come over. I'll be gone by then. Wonderful. Wonderful. Jay, would you say you're at the cutting edge of fashion, by the way? Because I noticed you wearing some rag and bone jeans, which reminded me of 2011. And I thought, here's my guy.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
There's no way that it's not happening. Just knowing how that shit goes and what's out there, there's no way that they're not asking you this fall.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Anyway, listen, we could do this forever, all day, and I'm sure our guest is just riveted by what we're saying. I can tell you something that I am. I'm riveted when she's performing. I am riveted, and by riveted, I mean generally laughing the entire time.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah. I think that's good. I do the same thing, Nikki, that you do, which is, and sometimes I do it super consciously and I actually set out to do it, but I do the same thing of sort of manifesting. And I find that I do kind of manifest in real time most of the time. And it's been super, super, super effective for me. I don't know why. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I had the same thing about Letterman. I used to think, I used to watch Letterman at night when I was a kid, like in the 80s, like in high school. And I'd watch him at 1230 and I'd think like, I bet you Letterman's going to think I'm really funny.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Of course he does. Yeah, that kind of shit, I just... Maybe that's sort of dumb confidence of youth.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I think it's so rare when, or it's so special when a performer comes along that just kind of constantly, every time you see them, they exceed expectations, and then they just surprise you with their comedy. She is somebody who makes you laugh from moment one, and then the next time, It's not Cher.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And she makes you laugh in ways that you're like... And she has that unique thing also of every time you hear a joke, not only are you laughing, you're thinking, I can't believe I didn't think of that. It's so brilliant. And she keeps topping herself. She's had a million specials. She had a new special... Sorry? What color is her hair? Well... You'll see. I was going to guess.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But the one thing that you did not generate overnight was, I mean, you're obviously really smart. And so that is something that you probably sort of saved you in the end from a lot of stuff was that you're not a dummy. You're really bright. By the way, you lost Sean when you said hungry all the time. Sean looks so confused today. I'm never hungry. I'm never hungry.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
and just say the honest thing yeah because and it's so healing and you can't lose and you just go that bombed yeah and you guys don't like me anymore right and then they laugh so be revealed be revealing too in that way and be vulnerable and jb and i've often said there's nothing funny about a six-pack in that right like no you know what i mean like this it's just not fucking funny exactly who gives a fuck
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
She has a new special that just came out on HBO Max or whatever they call it on May 11th. But she really, really rocketed herself this year in the ultimate roast of Tom Brady. You guys, it's the none other than the most hilarious Nikki Glaser.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Everybody does no matter what job. And Sean's right. You are super cute. But think about it this way. Because of the very nature of what you do, people comment. And we live in a world now where we see those comments and we hear that stuff so much more readily.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So, of course, it makes sense that you'd be, you know, when people say that, I remember years ago, some friends, you know, from Toronto I grew up with, they're like, oh, fuck, Willie, all you actors, you guys just care about how you look. I'm like, yeah, because everybody's talking about it when you do something. They go, fuck, you look like shit.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I got an on-camera job. And people go like, fuck, man, that guy, Arnett, looked like shit in that thing. You're like, oh, thanks a lot, man.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I will say, I like the way that you've offset it. And I was going to bring this up before when you talked about that you moved back to St. Louis. We had somebody on recently who moved back to the Midwest. And it's made me long for, I don't know why recently, I've really longed for not living on either coast. I've had this sort of dream. It makes me feel kind of good because there is something...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I'm not looking at it as a remedy for how I'm necessarily feeling. I'm just talking about my day-to-day experience. Like, what do I want that experience to be? Your environment, yeah.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You're not an Angeleno? No. I live in St. Louis. So you moved back to St. Louis full time?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, I think you could do whatever you wanted and certainly now you could, but you probably always, I suspect you always could have.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I'm so happy for your success. I want to see you doing more stuff. You're so naturally funny and so funny. And what I also love about it is, I don't, well, maybe you do on some of your podcasts and stuff, but you- you don't seem to have fallen in the trap yet of a lot of stand-ups who seem to be obsessed with talking about breaking down stand-up, which I'm like, fucking enough.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I'm so bored by it. Some of these older stand-ups, I'm like, shut the fuck up. Who cares?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, the science behind it. What they think about stand-up and how they do. And they only talk to other stand-up. I'm like, shut up, man. Who the fucking cares?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I can see that, but like all of us are just out here trying to figure it out. And so when people start breaking it down as though we're a process and as though we're a science. Oh, right. Anyway.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You're the top of the game. Honestly, I could just watch you do stand-up all the time. You're really awesome, and you're very generous to have come here.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, you, too. Yeah, thanks, Nikki. Oh, my God, Nikki Glaser. Nikki Glaser.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Dude, she's an absolute just like comedy megastar. Yeah, I'm really taken by her. And not just because of her level, but just also how funny she is. She is profoundly funny. So good. And my buddy, great Bob Castrone used to work with her too. That's how he kind of really turned me on to her about five years ago. He's like, Nikki Glaser's the funniest. He wrote with her for a long time.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, she's a really nice, which is so funny because she does these roasts, which can be so super cutting and stuff, and she's actually like a super nice, kind person. And I've, yeah, she's cool.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I actually do have a book, a book of all the great buys that I want to use, and I call it my buy Bible. Oh, okay.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I said, you know these— Can we guess? Can we guess what you said to Scotty yesterday?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Partially there's a river in between them and then partially it just goes right down state lines.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, they both play, they also play in Missouri, just for what it's worth. They all are in Missouri.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Hey, guys, can I just take a poll? You mean this podcast? Do we feel satiated on this? Do we feel good?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Okay, go ahead. Nikki, obviously we want to get to the roast because it's interesting. You've talked about it ad nauseum. You must be so fucking sick of it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Nikki, do you find like now you're at the airport and people are like, roast me, burn me.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I always steal that line that Dax said years ago, and I use it all the time. People go, when they have that moment of confusion, they go, I think I know you. And I go, yeah, I used to work at Subway around the corner.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, and they're like, maybe he made me a sandwich. Yeah, maybe this is the guy he is. It seems old to be working in the subway.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, that'd be weird if you're like, hey, let's just have a night where we shit on so-and-so. And then he's knowing that he's at home going like, what the fuck? Although it'd be pretty funny. Yeah. That would be good.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Oh, you mean the douche identifier? We had a feeling you were a dick and now it's confirmed.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I love that one of my old, like from one of the early ones that was on Comedy Central years ago was something about Andy Dick. I forget who said it. It might have been Jeff Ross. I wouldn't fuck Andy Dick with Bea Arthur's dick. Is that what it was?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
looks like a silver 80s tank or something yeah i love it distracting i love it because you do you do get to see you're like where are all the where all the douchebags oh they're there there's one there then you can just stay away it does look like a concept car and then they went to production on it's like oh yeah it's the dumbest but some of the concept cars that like all these companies make they're so cool and they're like well okay well
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
We went last weekend, was it? Or two weekends ago or something like that. Why were you guys up there messing around on the trail?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So you're like Scotty packing overnight bag? Yeah. We just went up there. We just did it. We got to do this? Yeah, it's amazing. I can't imagine being as spontaneous and happy-go-lucky as that. Well, it was planned a little bit. But it still came from just scrolling through Instagram. Like, hey, that looks fun. Hon, what are you doing next weekend? Why not?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
ah that's so cool you have to go to like a a secret vault to read the script
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So I'd imagine that you are somewhat kind of self-prepared for the, uh, for the, um, all of the attention, the profile after Star Wars came out, but did it match your preparation and expectations? Tell me how you dealt with being, you know, unable to walk down the street overnight.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I mean, there's a whole world out there. I just feel like it's so disruptive to pick up and leave the place there where you're settled. I just have zero wanderlust. I'm not proud of it, but... You don't, huh?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Yeah, I'll tell you what he was doing. Learning his lines based on a true story. You can see it on Peacock. You think before they wrote it, you think he was... Oh, of course. All Bateman's work ahead. So, Shawnee... Let's ask her about Murder on the Orient Express and if she can give us any tips about... Hang on. Cool it, Will. You're not on this trip.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Sean and I are going to go on the Orient Express at some point and we'd like a little bit of research from you.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Will's having a tough time. He's so kind of him to always prep us for every sentence. Each one.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
What I just want to say is, but wait. Go ahead. But wait. I fucking love you. God damn it. I could do a whole day with you. This is all going to be good. Not two, just one. Keep going. In a fish market.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No, I didn't. No, I don't. Sean, your middle name? Patrick. Patrick. Really? Oh, yeah, you're right.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Wait, so were you with Scotty? Yeah. Scotty had a jacket on? He did have a jacket on. You bet he did. Yeah. He knows how to read.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Wow. Does it feel comfortable enough to you? You don't even have to think about it. You can just think about the acting.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
And even those that use them might not need them. They just, they like the interface. Yes, exactly. They like that sort of partnership, I think. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
How early on in the film did you start to see the first spark? Walk us through it because I know Will loves a good rom-com. He just likes to know the meet-cutes and everything.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Okay, so your best friend's on set. And there is... Do you get the sense that he is starting to feel like maybe things are maybe going to be better than friends? No, we're going to walk right through this. Yeah, we have to. Jesus Christ. Was the first declaration of like... Hey, I like, now you're talking to a guy, I've been married for 25 years. The last relationship, it was like school, right?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Where you're passing notes for Christ's sake. I don't know how this stuff happens. I like you. Yeah. You know, will you go with me? Or whatever the hell we used to say. Go with me, yeah. How did it happen? Did you pass him a note? Was it a little giggle after a take?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Accidentally brushing our hands? What are we doing? Yeah, let's get out of here. What's happening? Oh, my God. Do you want to share a ride to the hotel? Tell me what happens, Daisy.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Now, it's very cute. All right, so let's just... We're going to fill in for you, okay? So we're going to assume that we're midway through the shoot. It's about a 30-day shoot, so we're in, you know, second week or whatever. And somebody's got a little issue with maybe a scene that's coming up. Maybe it's Daisy, and she says... Tom, would you ever want to work on this?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Maybe talk about it over coffee or dinner or something like that? Just with a straight face, like you could not care less, right? Because you're an actor, you're a professional liar. You're making him think like you couldn't care, like he's not your type. And then you guys get to the dinner, you're walking through the scene, you're running, you both brought your pages, whatever.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
And then you just start laughing about growing up as kids and what a great last name he's got. Have you ever met him? Oh my gosh. You know, like, did it kind of go like that? I bet it did.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Yeah, you think you're in shape until you start swimming, right? I mean, swimming is just the hardest thing to do. Yeah, I can't do it.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I would like to do that, but... Can we go... Can we do... We did skiing last year. Can we go beach this year?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Hey, Daisy, what's it like just bobbing in the open ocean? Yeah, that's true. Having to do a bunch of work for days and days and days. Didn't you think the odds of you having a little bit of a nudge from a large fish were pretty big, right?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Yeah, me too. How did you not just pass on the movie, being that that's one of your fears?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So you're looking for a nice sitcom right about now, yeah? Yeah, I'm looking for something more.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
That's interesting. Whatever you're doing, it's right. I mean, you're doing things that are challenging you. And, you know, we can't do anything about who's going to see something, who it's for, where it's going to be, when it's going to be released, all that stuff. We just got to do our job, right?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
I want to see that. What is that? I haven't heard of that. Dev Patel, director, actor.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
You know what? Go wake up Scotty and tell him to get over here and ask a question.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No. How about this? Would you be possibly open to, subject to the rules of the set and everything, of Sean and maybe me and Will. Stormtrooper. No, no. Showing up on set, doing a bit of a remote episode of a very special Star Wars smart list on set.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Certain things are private, okay? Things are private. And then you get to just fill in the blanks, like I did, and we wrote our little airport romance novel.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
She's balancing like that big, huge, global commercial thing with like these great small independent films as well and the stuff in the middle. Like prestige films in between.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
How do they know what happened? Oh, how terrible. So you sit there, you watch them bobbing in the ocean for an hour and a half and then they get eaten and go ahead, roll credits?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
And in her most recent film. You wrote that part too. I'm writing. I wrote all of this.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No. No, I know what it is. I know what it is. That's Sean, you dick. My dad's name is Kent. Kent.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Of course. I'm sorry. It's sounding a little bit like drive time radio this morning. We're a little too chatty.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Now, why were you going to try it on? Were you getting pressure from the adults in your life that say, can you please be closer to the studios? Mm-hmm.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Bateman. Yeah. I mean, does that just not roll right off the tongue? Tom Bateman.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So then what are you going to do? Are you going to join him or are you going to be busy on another project? How do you guys work all that stuff?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
He's so good on that. It is called Based on a True Story. I know Sean and Will is probably in your queue there. Go ahead and enjoy that. Thank you. It's on the Peacock.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Well, I get quite a bump if a couple more people start watching it. So we're just two away.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
And I didn't, listen, this is your guest. I am not trying to, you know, get to my future.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
So, Will, you're familiar with those lyrics because you watched that show religiously?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
No, no, no. It's only inescapable if you watch the show religiously. And this is a big, big thing I'm learning about you is that you're a closet Friends fan.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
With humor or throwing shit at them? I don't know. Asking for a friend. I had a few different encouragements not to return, shall we say. And I kind of mixed it up quite a bit.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Is it? Yeah. Why? Where? When? Listener, we have Sean and Scotty in one of these self-propelled locomotives going down a track. It's called rail. Redwood Forest. Like a little paddle boat you'd ride in a lake on. It's through the forest. It's called rail biking. Where was that? Was that on Second Honeymoon?
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
Because there is a class action suit you can get involved with. You can get a piece. You can wet your beak on it.
SmartLess
"Daisy Ridley"
But JJ is so convincing. You know, I mean, you get inside those eyes, that vortex there, JJ will talk you into anything. You melt.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
TV Funhouse and all that, yeah. McKay did them with like Pat What's-His-Name and a bunch of those dudes. I forget that guy's name. Anyway, but yes, but those guys had done them, but they were more esoteric, if you will. Like they were kind of off the wall and kind of, you guys kind of were able to hone in on stuff. Obviously, McKay's a legend, so I'm not disparaging him in any way.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Anyway, the guy's an absolute giant. But you guys came in and were doing something different, and you really... I remember that night that Lazy Sunday came out. I think it was the last show before Christmas. Am I right?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
But I remember even just the reaction in the building, Andy, and you walk us through that because it was palpable. That thing, they aired that thing and it was just like electricity. Everybody went like there was pre-Lazy Sunday and there was post-Lazy Sunday. I'm serious.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
But Andy, walk me through. So you guys have this idea for Lazy Sunday. You wrote it, or you submitted it on Wednesday just at the table read. Did you go to Shoemaker and those guys? How did that come about?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Well, you leave everyone thinking, like, I'm about to make 12 movies in a row, and then you never hear from them.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
But Andy, so, but I kind of want to get back to you because there was that, like I said before, there was that moment sort of pre and post Lazy Sunday. And I just remember as soon as that hits and it goes crazy, like one of the first sort of viral videos, if you will, really, um... All of a sudden, it's like you guys are at Paramount, right?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
All of a sudden, you're at Brad Gray's office, you're making Hot Rod, and you've got a movie deal, and you've got all that. Like, it just went like that.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
No. Yes. I actually do remember. You know what? I do remember, Andy. Funny you say it too fast. I remember one day going to Paramount to meet Lorne one of the off weeks, and you guys were at the Broadway video office. Do you remember that? You guys were writing? Rewriting it, yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And you were rewriting it, and I remember that you, Keev, and Joram being in the room, and I was like, how's it going? You guys had your laptops, and you guys were so stressed out. You're like, I don't know if we're going to be able to do this. Because it was, like, really quick, and they're like, great, here's a movie, rewrite it, and we start shooting July 1st.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny. I was talking about photos just before about finding the arrested thing. I was also found a... I have a photo... weirdly in a silver, it looks like a really fancy frame, and it's on the set of Hot Rod, and it's Keeve talking to me in this, and he's being really serious, and I'm being really serious, and I'm like, we're on the set of Hot Rod, right?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
You know, you should have asked, you know Alessandra had a t-shirt business, there's not a bit, for years. Yeah, she has like a warehouse full of incredible vintage tees that she procured over the years. Boxes upon boxes upon boxes. Why is she holding on to them?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Wait, Rick, you're just eye, like, just face to face, and they're, like, standing there, and you keep going, no, more, no, I don't buy it, I don't buy it. Close, deeper. But you do, but, yeah, but you do, because TV is sort of a writer's medium, you do end up, by default, kind of directing, especially in comedy, kind of directing anyway, right? And... So it's pretty, it's directing adjacent.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It was hard for her. Well, because they don't do the business anymore, so they got to figure out what they're going to do with the... Assets. With the stock, yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah. Yeah, you worked with the great Dan Gore, and obviously you had a lot of great comedic minds on that show as well with the great Mike Schur, whom we all adore, and Phil and Chris as well. Yeah, they shot the pilot. They shot the pilot. So you had a pretty, that was like a fucking Hall of Fame team. Yeah. I got to rewatch it during the pandemic with my oldest son, Archie.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
He was there and able to, super into it. We ended up watching it all through. So, so, so funny. And, you know, one of the through lines we mentioned right at the top, one of the through lines in what you do so well, and you do so many things so well, but you always... there's oftentimes you incorporate music into what you do.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And I kind of wanted to understand a little bit about like what your history is with music. Did you study music as a kid? First of all, you got a great voice. You got great timing. It's true. It's true. It's totally true. How do you come by it?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Where's she at? Is she still here? She is. Did she come back with you? No, she is. She's there. I'll tell her to call you after. Great. JB, I don't know if you know this. Sean's had two hours sleep. He had another AFib in the middle of the night. True story.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
But you were so adept at hip-hop, and you guys were kind of like the West Coast comedy Beastie Boys. Well, that's high praise. Yeah, oh, nice, Will.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's totally true, and you were able to do it in such an authentic way, too, because there are a lot of, like, sort of white boys from Berkeley who couldn't pull it off, and you guys just made it work because you were actually good at it. And, God, what did I... You know what I saw the other day was one of the video from Bash Brothers, the thing you guys did about the Oakland A's.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Have you ever seen that, you guys? And I can't believe that you pulled it off. What is it? You play Jose Canseco, Keeve plays Mark McGuire, and then they do this rap about being on steroids and fucking how small their balls are.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It is funny, though. Because, Andy, you're younger than I am than we are because the three of us are basically the same age. Jason's older, obviously. Is that... No, just a lot older, but... How old a fellow are you, Andy? I'm 45. Oh, good for you. Yeah. A youngin'. And so now that... How old are you guys?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So you've got a, you went out and got yourself a new one that you're not going to use? Yeah. Why don't you just keep not using the old one?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I missed it. It's true. It's the first reference we haven't had to explain. Oh, I got you.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And you're part of that fraternity now of people who are on it, and it is a very sort of tight-knit nomad. It's kind of like you see each other, you can give a nod or you can say, hey, because it's the smallest demo, right? I mean, it's just the tiniest percentage of people who've ever been cast members on the show.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I know. Sean, you should go into your pantry with a flamethrower and do an ablation on all the food that's in there.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Well, that's the thing, too, is that you didn't make fun of, but you poked fun at certain elements, but you never punched down. It was always people who were massive, whether it was Nick Cage. Wahlberg came on. I remember he came on as well as you were doing Say Hello to Your Mother for Me. Again, you're punching up, like you're making a joke because he's such a massive movie star, right?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Okay? JB loves coming into my pantry. It's so... But here's what happens is every single time he comes in, he goes in the pantry and he comes out and he's like, you got a lot of stuff? What are you going to eat? As he's stuffing his stupid fat face.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's all that sweet, sweet, sweet McConnell ice cream, which I adore. And I like Haagen-Dazs too. Here comes more. Haagen-Dazs is the best. Haagen-Dazs.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's his brother directed, as you know. Yes, I do. Love that movie. Loved you in it.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I love that movie. Andy, that movie is so good. And I tell anybody, it's one of my favorite films in the last 10 years. It needs more attention. So unheralded. You're so funny and profoundly good and kind of sad. Like, it's the perfect blend of... I just love that movie. Thank you.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I'm just going to, sorry, I'm going to put a little, I'm going to put an address, a link they can click on at the end.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
What's your favorite, Andy? I know it's hard, but what's your favorite digital shorts that you guys did?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Sometimes you just pour those ingredients in your mouth, right? And they'll stick your head in the freezer. Just make it in your mouth.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It does feel like big business. I would say my favorite personally of the digital short, and I'm, as you know, a massive fan of them all. And I embarrass you all the time because I just tell you all the time how much I love the... But... Dear Sister. Oh, nice. Dear Sister, for me, scratches an itch because it just keeps going. But it's got a real story to it.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's still kind of musical. It's not your original music, but it's musical... but there's something about it and... Yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So it's you, and it's Shia LaBeouf, and it's Whig, and Sudeikis, and Fred, and Hater. Like, it's a... It's a freaking murderer's row of cast.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's true. It's true. Andy, it's totally true that you are one of... You truly are one of the good guys because you're A, supernaturally funny. You can't help it. You have no choice. And B, you're very generous and you're very sweet. And any success and all the success you have had and will continue to have, you have completely earned it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
There's no hiding what you... Anyway, so it's just awesome. I'm just psyched. I just think you're a great dude.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
But also with that, the caveat being, you know, your next bomb, I'm going to be the first there to say you bombed.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Yeah. Have they made a difference? In my... I don't know. Are they more comfortable?
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
He's the real deal. And as I said, again, at risk of embarrassing him, He is such a good guy and he totally deserves it. He's just one of the good dudes.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Everybody can agree and everybody agrees that everybody loves Andy Samberg. There you go. That's a good tune.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And I'm excited to hear their new podcast that those guys are doing with Seth because I love hearing how they put together each one of those digital shorts. I love that they're like, it was last minute they needed something or somebody had a song. I love that stuff.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Close enough. SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Bartlett.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Are we going to do porn together? Yeah. Let's do it after an all-new Smart List. Okay. Smart. Sean, were you, when we had dinner Saturday night, all of us at our friend's house in New York. We did. And then at a certain point, Downey was wearing that shirt, that T-shirt that he sort of wore for JB. And he said, I want to give it to you. And he said, okay. He said, let's switch now.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
He said, I'm going to do your podcast, but I'm doing one word ahead. Yeah. Wait, wait, can I just say that I saw, so Andy knows what I'm about to say, which is I saw him like two weeks ago. Oh, really? We were out and he goes, hey, hey, idiot, I'm coming to do your stupid podcast.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
No, I'm nowhere near it. I get the, I get the, hey, I loved you on SNL. And I'm like, never on it. Right. And then they're like, and I figured like, they've got me confused. And I've talked about with like, either like, Sudeikis, me, Forte, just kind of middle-aged white dude. And they just go, you're.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
I don't know, Sean, if you've ever listened to our podcast, but we're not known for our fucking good questions. We don't like the guest talking much at all. Letting our guest talk a ton. So listen back to your parts. So, yeah. So, Andy, you take a five. You take a five. That's fine. That's fine. Can I just say, Andy... Yes, Will. I know you a little bit. Probably better than the other two guys.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Over the years. Yeah, we've hung out a lot. We have hung out a lot over the years. And a lot, lot. And then Andy was also, first of all, JB, you know this so that you don't embarrass yourself. You know that Andy was interested in development. Oh, what? It was a blip. Wait. I believe it's how I got into SAG. We what? And we talked about it on the DVD extras of season two as well.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
So all of a sudden, in the middle of this dinner party, JB and Downey stand up and they go tarps off. And switch. I didn't see that.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It was season two, and I had just seen Andy. Andy and Kiva and Norma had just done, the Lonely Island Boys, as they're known, had just done a pilot called Awesome Town that was produced by Phil Lord and Chris Miller. I want to see that. Right, Andy? Yes. For Fox. It was really good. For Fox, it was a sketch comedy sort of variety. I don't even know how to describe it. Before SNL? Yes, pre.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It was so funny. And I was like, oh, my God. I was just obsessed with that pilot. These guys are fucking awesome.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Television without... TV without pity. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like a message board.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And up at your old house. Yeah, yeah, I do remember that. And I remember, you know what? Yesterday I was going through some of my stuff upstairs and I found the New York Times TV. Remember they used to put up like this sort of the New York Times TV guy that, you know, what's coming up in the week and whatever. Yeah. And Arrested Development was on the cover. It was November of 2003. Jesus.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
And they didn't really know what to make. And they're like, this is Amy. Who knows? Yeah. And anyway, I'm just getting your frames right now.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
It's called Arrested Development. Anyway, so Andy comes and does that. And then how, so that was like 2004. That was the spring of 2004.
SmartLess
"Andy Samberg"
Crazy with the dates. Because it was like one of the last episodes of that second season. So that was like 2005. And then when was it that SNL, how did SNL happen? You guys had done the pilot that did not get picked up by Fox.