Menu
Sign In Pricing Add Podcast
Podcast Image

SmartLess

"Larry David"

Mon, 15 Apr 2024

Description

We go in the weeds with Larry David on critical items: dinner parties, romance novels, The Golden Rule, Halloween… and we unsuccessfully debut our new Speed Round format. “He’d rather be doing nothing than talking to us,” on an all-new SmartLess. We love you.Also, our friends Johnny Knoxville and Elna Baker stop by to talk about their new SmartLess Media podcast, "Pretty Sure I Can Fly," celebrating unsung heroes who achieve incredible feats by “having more balls than a bowling alley.” Listen to Pretty Sure I Can Fly: Wondery.fm/PSICF Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

Audio
Transcription

4.107 - 18.417 Larry David

Hi, this is Larry David. I've been asked to say that I'm going to be on the show later. So I'm complying with that request. Yeah, welcome to, what is this? I don't even know what I'm on here. What is this?

0
💬 0

35.99 - 38.33 Sean Hayes

Hi, everybody. Jason, I love that you're still here in town.

0
💬 0

38.37 - 52.353 Jason Bateman

I didn't know you were going to be here that long. I am working remotely this week, yes, from Los Angeles, where it's got New York weather today. It's nice and rainy. I love it. We've had some nice rain. Warring rain. Do you guys like weather, or do you love this Southern California?

0
💬 0

52.553 - 57.334 Will Arnett

Hey, man, I'm not single, so I don't know where this is going.

0
💬 0

57.994 - 59.594 Jason Bateman

Hey, guys, what's your favorite season?

0
💬 0

60.554 - 63.395 Will Arnett

Hey, do you like weather? Come over here real quick. Can I talk to you for a second?

0
💬 0

64.535 - 68.458 Sean Hayes

Yeah, it's nice. I prefer it. Well, because it's very Chicago-y.

0
💬 0

68.859 - 74.043 Jason Bateman

Yeah, but you would like 75 and breezy 365 days of the year? No.

0
💬 0

74.103 - 76.165 Sean Hayes

Yeah, I don't like the heat, so that's an issue.

0
💬 0

77.245 - 82.149 Johnny Knoxville

I don't mind it. But you wouldn't mind some snow and some rain, would you? That's what I'm saying. I actually enjoy it.

0
💬 0

82.169 - 93.679 Will Arnett

I think I've told you this before. I live in such a snowy place. Well, not really that snowy, but cold, to the extent that this morning, dropping the kids to the bus, it was raining and stuff, and I saw this one road.

0
💬 0

93.699 - 99.004 Jason Bateman

Isn't that great, Sean, how he just takes them just to the bus stop? Can't take them all the way to school like some of us.

0
💬 0

99.024 - 117.087 Will Arnett

Well, I don't live in the valley, so anyway... I see a road that's going up off Beverly Glen, like really steep little side road. And I think my first, and I had this in my old house, like, boy, man, it's going to be tough when it gets icy. It doesn't get icy. No.

0
💬 0

117.928 - 119.871 Jason Bateman

So your brain just immediately, huh.

0
💬 0

120.231 - 135.043 Will Arnett

My old house, when I was going to buy it, I thought, like, fuck, how am I going to get up this thing when it ices? And they're like, oh, it doesn't get icy. Never ices. That's incredible. I know. By the way, go ahead, Sean. You were going to say something. No, you go. Well, I was just going to say, because I realize as I'm talking, I did another mistake.

0
💬 0

135.103 - 157.219 Will Arnett

I got one of those e-mails, and it had the thing, and it had, like, reviews buried in the e-mail. I open it up, and then it has, like, a couple about the podcast. One of them was one star, and it said, does Will only get one hour to speak a week? Because he just wouldn't shut up. And I'm like... I'm giving this guy satisfaction, but at the same time, I'm thinking, like, it's free, right? Yeah.

0
💬 0

157.539 - 159.84 Will Arnett

He didn't pay anything for it. Could turn it off.

0
💬 0

160.441 - 164.423 Jason Bateman

Yeah. But he's implying that he would gladly pay a little bit to shut you up a lot.

0
💬 0

164.443 - 174.328 Will Arnett

I guess so. And or it made him so mad this thing he's getting for free that he went online and typed out a message, gave the podcast one star.

0
💬 0

174.368 - 176.288 Sean Hayes

He's got time. But, Willie, don't read that.

0
💬 0

176.349 - 183.04 Will Arnett

You always read those. I know. Well, I do it for you guys. I'm out here. You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

0
💬 0

183.1 - 196.284 Jason Bateman

But it's a specific subset of our listeners that actually take the time to write something not so nice. Yeah. Is it a full representation of our audience?

0
💬 0

196.584 - 197.464 Will Arnett

I don't know. I don't know.

0
💬 0

197.484 - 198.385 Jason Bateman

It was very hostile towards me.

0
💬 0

198.425 - 206.087 Will Arnett

You take it under advisement, though. Yeah, we take it under advisement. So I'm going to shut up. Well, don't do that. No, don't do that.

0
💬 0

206.127 - 209.449 Jason Bateman

What he's saying is he likes you at an eight, he'd love you at a five.

0
💬 0

209.769 - 220.333 Sean Hayes

No, no, no. He wants me at a zero. I love that you're just like, then just don't listen. I get it. I was chatting with Will very briefly this morning.

0
💬 0

221.974 - 223.395 Elna Baker

You guys talk before we talk?

0
💬 0

223.975 - 224.536 Sean Hayes

Not usually.

0
💬 0

224.556 - 225.296 Will Arnett

Not usually.

0
💬 0

225.496 - 232.92 Jason Bateman

You guys running over bits? Yeah. Okay, so listen. So you set me up with saying something about Easter.

0
💬 0

233.3 - 240.004 Sean Hayes

And Jay, I texted you a lot last night. I was like, I think I reached my text limit with Jason. What, last night? Last night or two nights ago.

0
💬 0

240.184 - 242.465 Elna Baker

Wait, let me look here. I don't see any text from you.

0
💬 0

242.685 - 243.286 Sean Hayes

Yeah, I was like...

0
💬 0

243.626 - 245.132 Elna Baker

I didn't see any text from you. Oh, wait.

0
💬 0

245.233 - 256.242 Sean Hayes

No, we were texting back and forth. Oh, about Scotty? Yeah, about Scotty. That wasn't a lot. Did you hear about Scotty, Sean? No, what happened?

0
💬 0

256.982 - 259.583 Jason Bateman

Oh, yeah, it's not working out. Scotty's out.

0
💬 0

260.203 - 261.964 Sean Hayes

Scotty's out. Almost 18 years.

0
💬 0

262.204 - 268.346 Jason Bateman

Yeah, so Sean is trying to figure out what to do with the weekend to take full advantage of it.

0
💬 0

268.386 - 270.606 Will Arnett

Let's talk about the weather, Jason. He's tech avail LA.

0
💬 0

270.626 - 275.868 Jason Bateman

He's just ordered a box of glow sticks from Amazon for the weekend. Yeah.

0
💬 0

277.388 - 287.71 Sean Hayes

No, I wanted to tell you. So I was eating breakfast. I walked past the bathroom and this is the craziest thing. Scotty loves peanut butter.

0
💬 0

287.79 - 291.811 Johnny Knoxville

Why is my sound going out? Uh-oh, can you hear? There we go. Okay, go ahead.

0
💬 0

292.091 - 302.813 Will Arnett

Hang on one second. Sorry, let me remind you where you were. So Scotty loves peanut butter. Go ahead. Right. Wait, by the way. No, this is really interesting. Do you think that this would fit into the breaking news category?

0
💬 0

302.833 - 325.465 Jason Bateman

Absolutely. Did you guys find each other on the PB&J freak site? Well, that's fun because I love jelly. Where's your address? Why is that? It's not even that good. Yes, it is.

0
💬 0

326.486 - 328.487 Sean Hayes

Could you imagine a PB&J?

0
💬 0

328.547 - 335.812 Jason Bateman

I'd love to spread a little of you on me. Like a food dating site. The two of us together would make a great meal.

0
💬 0

335.872 - 337.634 Will Arnett

By the way, it's not supposed to be a dating site.

0
💬 0

337.994 - 340.656 Jason Bateman

It's supposed to be just a culinary site.

0
💬 0

340.836 - 355.538 Will Arnett

Peanut butter appreciation site turned into a dating site. They got married at the Jif headquarters. Okay, so here we go. Here we go. Do you like Jif? This is funny, actually. Do you like Jif?

0
💬 0

356.258 - 356.839 Sean Hayes

I'm in a Jif.

0
💬 0

357.74 - 361.865 Jason Bateman

I do like Jif. Scotty loves peanut butter. I would love to see a taste test between Jif and Skippy. Sorry, go ahead.

0
💬 0

361.905 - 382.098 Sean Hayes

Let's do it. When his blood sugar is low, okay, because he's got diabetes, he'll go in the pantry and scoop out a spoonful of peanut butter. And every time any one of us goes to get peanut butter, Ricky, the dog, can smell it. And he comes over there and sits there and he drools like crazy. And there's like a puddle of his dog spit. So it's cute and disgusting all at the same time.

0
💬 0

382.218 - 399.249 Sean Hayes

And it's created a bad habit because we always cave in and give him some peanut butter. So now we have to find a way to sneak the peanut butter when the dog is sleeping in another room. So... This morning, I walked by the bathroom near the kitchen and I'm like, are you in there? He said, yeah, I'm eating peanut butter. I said, in the bathroom? He said, yeah, it's the only way to avoid the dog.

0
💬 0

400.03 - 400.29 Sean Hayes

Boy.

0
💬 0

400.31 - 410.978 Jason Bateman

I remember when, yeah. What? When I was a kid, that was the only place to get privacy and I would do different things in the bathroom than stink peanut butter.

0
💬 0

411.178 - 413.7 Sean Hayes

He really truly brought the jar of peanut butter.

0
💬 0

413.72 - 416.983 Will Arnett

But you know what? Both you and Scotty have the same, you end up with the same result.

0
💬 0

418.363 - 423.265 Sean Hayes

You both finished full release. I thought that was odd and funny. It was.

0
💬 0

423.465 - 424.085 Jason Bateman

It's definitely.

0
💬 0

424.185 - 426.125 Sean Hayes

Here's somebody who's funny but not odd.

0
💬 0

426.145 - 428.786 Elna Baker

How about that?

0
💬 0

429.246 - 447.592 Sean Hayes

Not great, but go ahead. He's a very talented pal of mine. He's had more success than the three of us combined. Like many comedians, he's got stand-up and Saturday Night Live on his resume. But before making his mark on the comedy zeitgeist of the last half century, he got his bachelor's degree in history.

0
💬 0

448.8 - 473.303 Sean Hayes

worked as a private chauffeur with a uniform and everything, and was selling bras at wholesale. Things took a major turn for him in 1988 when he started to work on a little pilot called The Seinfeld Chronicles. It's my very hilarious friend, Larry David. Larry David. Oh, look at him. Oh, look at him. He's already bored. He's already bored. Already?

0
💬 0

473.383 - 480.807 Jason Bateman

How about 15 minutes? I apologize. It definitely comes out of your time, so that's a good thing. You're only going to be with us for another 45 minutes.

0
💬 0

481.047 - 488.931 Larry David

But here's the sad part. By the way, the dog thing, I love when the dogs are out of the house. So I can have a meal.

0
💬 0

489.151 - 489.992 Sean Hayes

That's what I'm saying.

0
💬 0

490.172 - 494.055 Larry David

And relax. That's what I'm saying. You can't eat with them. That's what I'm saying.

0
💬 0

494.095 - 499.879 Jason Bateman

That's your fault, probably, or Ashley's, right? You fed them, and now they don't forget that.

0
💬 0

500.319 - 507.183 Larry David

No, she started feeding them from the table. It's all her fault. I gave her a dirty look, but she did it.

0
💬 0

507.644 - 513.107 Jason Bateman

And now... Why don't you make her eat outside with the dogs? That'll teach her, and she'll never do it again.

0
💬 0

513.388 - 516.75 Larry David

I'm telling you, I take snacks into my bathroom. I do.

0
💬 0

517.59 - 522.874 Sean Hayes

Right? Because of the dogs? Yeah, because of the dogs. That's what I'm saying. So somebody, yeah, you can relate.

0
💬 0

523.175 - 528.639 Jason Bateman

Larry, I'm so glad you're finally here. We just finally made your deal. It took so long. I know.

0
💬 0

528.679 - 529.099 Larry David

What do you mean?

0
💬 0

529.179 - 538.046 Jason Bateman

God, your business affairs was just, I guess, was your agent just beating us up? What are you involved in business affairs? We're not. We're kidding.

0
💬 0

538.066 - 539.808 Johnny Knoxville

This is all free. You're not getting paid for this.

0
💬 0

539.948 - 555.701 Jason Bateman

He was joking. By the way, you know, I... I get that a lot. A lot of surprise. Oh, sorry, it was humor? I really sneak up on folks. Check your six.

0
💬 0

556.601 - 557.342 Will Arnett

What the fuck?

0
💬 0

558.543 - 564.286 Larry David

Can we talk about Sean's appearance on Curb this year? Wow, it's going to get there. I haven't seen it yet.

0
💬 0

564.326 - 569.67 Jason Bateman

If we have to. All right, so speaking of making deals, you made a Sean Hayes deal and got him on the show.

0
💬 0

570.23 - 573.012 Sean Hayes

Yeah. And? And? He's a long time coming.

0
💬 0

573.152 - 600.875 Larry David

Do you have notes? Be fucking real. Be honest. Be honest. I'm going to be as honest as I can. He was fantastic. I don't know about that. I'll bet he was just fine. No, fantastic. He played a lawyer, and you believe this guy was a lawyer. And he had to do a scene where he wakes up in the morning. It was like Gene Hackman from The French Connection. Oh, boy. Yeah.

0
💬 0

601.535 - 611.107 Larry David

The acting, the acting display of him getting up in the morning. Sure. You know, the whole deal. Yeah. I was like, I was, my mouth dropped. I was in awe of it.

0
💬 0

611.167 - 619 Sean Hayes

It was incredible. I added wiping my eyes just to make it real. Wiping your eyes. It was real Gene Hackman. Did you start with a... Yeah, a little bit.

0
💬 0

619.681 - 620.981 Travis Pastrana

A little bit.

0
💬 0

621.041 - 628.944 Will Arnett

Which Sean has the worst sleep hygiene, I imagine, of the four of us here. So that must have, you had to dig deep. Did you study people's sleep? How'd you do it, Sean?

0
💬 0

630.144 - 633.286 Sean Hayes

I watched hours of tape. Yeah, okay. Of just people sleeping.

0
💬 0

633.306 - 636.987 Jason Bateman

People without, that weren't wearing the mask, right?

0
💬 0

637.007 - 647.391 Sean Hayes

But that was one of the, I don't know. Curb has been one of my favorite shows forever and ever. And I loved being on it. I was honored to be asked. I was honored to do it with you and on the last season, nonetheless.

0
💬 0

648.703 - 653.544 Jason Bateman

Will, did you ever get on that show? No, I was never asked. Yeah, me neither. Not once.

0
💬 0

653.644 - 673.609 Will Arnett

Larry said to me, Larry, do you remember this? Like about a year ago, I ran into you and Larry said, Hey, you should be on the show. He said, how come you... He did. And he goes, how come you were never on Curb? I said, first of all, I said, well, because I think I'm too tall. And then I said, and then I said, it's your show. You never asked me. That's why. Yeah.

0
💬 0

675.759 - 684.901 Jason Bateman

You know, it is true. Just about everybody in Hollywood has either been on that show or Law & Order. And not us. Although, Willie, you've done a Law & Order.

0
💬 0

684.941 - 699.005 Will Arnett

I did Law & Order. But I would say this. Now I take pride in the fact that I wasn't. Now I'm in a more exclusive club. I'm like the Marty Scorsese of never winning the best Oscar for directing with regards to... Or Susan Lucci.

0
💬 0
0
💬 0

700.265 - 714.535 Jason Bateman

Well, it does sound like, I will say, it does sound like a really, from what I've heard from my friends that have been on the show, that it's like one of the greatest experiences. It's like up there with like Saturday Night Live. Like it's just an incredible group and you're improvising.

0
💬 0

714.695 - 719.398 Larry David

I think it's the improvising. Actors really love to improvise.

0
💬 0

719.658 - 725.402 Jason Bateman

But I'll bet you've had some that have been like, forget it. I will sink in that atmosphere. I'm not coming on.

0
💬 0

725.922 - 731.545 Larry David

Yes, not many, but there have been a few who really couldn't. Had a tough time.

0
💬 0

732.105 - 750.659 Jason Bateman

What do you do about those who say, oh yeah, great, no, I love improvising, and they come on and they're just horrendous. Who has a conversation with them, you or the director? You mean somebody who we've asked to do it? To do it, and they clearly are way over their skis with improvisation. Do you do a, okay, guys, let's take a quick five?

0
💬 0

750.679 - 766.203 Larry David

It's only happened a couple of times in the show where... people were trying to be funny. And that's like the worst thing you can do.

0
💬 0

766.223 - 769.985 Jason Bateman

And that's a hard note to give. What does that sound like? Do you pull that aside?

0
💬 0

771.146 - 774.528 Larry David

Here's the note. Don't try to be funny. That's the note.

0
💬 0

775.609 - 798.04 Jason Bateman

Don't do it. One of your great cast members, the fantastic, the incredible Vince Vaughn, who I just think the world of, he gave me a great note once when I was trying to improvise doing a job with him. We've done a couple of movies together. He was doing something genius, and then I said something, and he just stopped. He just looked at me and he said, do you think that's helping?

0
💬 0

801.942 - 805.305 Jason Bateman

And I thought it was part of the dialogue, right? The improv.

0
💬 0

805.325 - 806.666 Larry David

But it was out of character, yeah.

0
💬 0

806.826 - 810.508 Jason Bateman

It was Vince saying to Jason, shut your mouth and let me do my thing. What a gut punch.

0
💬 0

810.528 - 816.212 Sean Hayes

And it was a good note. What a gut punch. But Larry, thanks for being here today. Hey, Larry.

0
💬 0

816.493 - 839.86 Will Arnett

Wait a second. Sean, do you have an agenda you're trying to get to? No, I just want to ask him a question. Wait, I haven't even gotten to the point yet that I feel so bummed out. Yeah, because I would have loved that environment so much. Larry, it's not over yet. It's not over. Larry, I'm going to fucking... I mean, I've run into Gary on the, to Larry on the golf course. I keep calling him Gary.

0
💬 0

839.9 - 857.275 Will Arnett

That's why I run into him on the golf course. Maybe that had something to do with it. I've run into Larry on the golf course before and I've never been able to say it except for the one time when he asked me where I haven't been on. I was like, man, I really wish, and it is one of my true regrets. I was like, that's an environment I feel like I would have really liked because I like to fuck around.

0
💬 0

857.515 - 859.817 Will Arnett

But anyway, so Larry, welcome to the podcast.

0
💬 0

860.197 - 868.46 Sean Hayes

Welcome to our show. How do you feel? Scale of one to ten, how do you feel today about being here right now?

0
💬 0

871.12 - 879.343 Larry David

Before I ever do anything, any show ever, I always regret that I said yes. And I feel that way today.

0
💬 0

879.943 - 887.966 Jason Bateman

We're going to get you to the other side of that by the time we're done. Or not. But are you good about saying no? Or are you terrible? Do you say yes because you don't want to displease people?

0
💬 0

890.015 - 892.256 Larry David

No, I'm good about saying no.

0
💬 0

892.556 - 910.442 Jason Bateman

Yeah, good. That's a great quality. Oh, that's good. I mean, Will, we had a friend who told us once, look, if you don't want to do it tomorrow, right? If someone says, in a few months, you know, and you're like, sure, yeah. The better thing, if you don't want to do it tomorrow, say no today. Yeah. You know, even if it's a couple months in the future.

0
💬 0

910.905 - 932.253 Will Arnett

Larry, can we go back, Sean? Can I grab the reins here for a second? Sure, sure, yeah. I know that you were a stand-up back in New York. You started sort of as a stand-up, right? And I know this from, I got kind of a history of you through our mutual friend Jim Valli, the great Jim Valli, who I adore. He lived in my building. And he lived in your building. In New York.

0
💬 0

932.314 - 955.082 Will Arnett

I remember him telling you stories. And when Tannis' daughter was little, and Jim was kind of a stay-at-home dad in a lot of ways, right? Yeah. And he would talk about you living in the building at Manhattan Plaza, right? Right. What was that like, being a stand-up back then? What were your ambitions when you were doing that back in those days, living in Manhattan Plaza?

0
💬 0

956.162 - 959.084 Will Arnett

Did you want to be the world's greatest stand-up?

0
💬 0

959.104 - 989.68 Larry David

I wanted to be a great stand-up. I wasn't, but I wanted to be one. And I really would have settled if you had told me in 1987 And you offered me $200 a week to do standup in New York at the clubs, $200 a week for the rest of your life. I would have taken it. Wow.

0
💬 0

990.02 - 992.942 Sean Hayes

Wow. We have an offer for you.

0
💬 0

993.943 - 996.665 Larry David

I had no hopes to do anything.

0
💬 0

997.025 - 1005.752 Jason Bateman

But what about, you said, Sean said in the intro that you studied history to be a professor? No.

0
💬 0

1006.372 - 1009.174 Larry David

No. No, just to get out of college.

0
💬 0

1009.515 - 1015.218 Jason Bateman

And that was world history or American history? Both. Will loves himself some world history.

0
💬 0

1015.238 - 1019.32 Will Arnett

I took history. I dropped out of college, but I was a history major and I love history. I read mainly.

0
💬 0

1020.48 - 1024.962 Larry David

Yeah, I wasn't interested in show business.

0
💬 0

1025.363 - 1038.314 Sean Hayes

Right. Really? Yeah. But dad, parents, Jewish, by the way, both sides or just your father? It's a both, yeah. It's both. And grew up in the... You sound so disappointed.

0
💬 0

1038.334 - 1055.298 Larry David

I know. You know, if you would have split it up, I don't think it would have been the worst thing in the world. If you would have given me a half and half, I admire the halves, you know? Sometimes somebody will tell me he's a half, and I'll go, oh, that's great, that's great.

0
💬 0

1055.318 - 1065.722 Jason Bateman

So were either one of them particularly funny or funny enough for you to feel like, oh, maybe I'll be a stand-up? I got it kind of in my genes. No. No.

0
💬 0

1066.102 - 1089.064 Larry David

No. My mother was funny without... trying to be funny without realizing she was being funny. Right. She had a kind of a Gracie Allen quality about her. In fact, my friends called my mother Gracie. But it wasn't purposeful. Right. She wasn't cracking wise. Right. And we will be right back.

0
💬 0

1091.887 - 1092.908 Jason Bateman

And now, back to the show.

0
💬 0

1094.849 - 1111.999 Larry David

After college, you were in the Army Reserve? Yes. Yeah, because Vietnam was going on. I didn't want to go. And I signed up for the reserves. And never got drafted. No, I never got drafted. But I got out of the reserves after two years with a psychiatric discharge.

0
💬 0

1112.539 - 1113.56 Will Arnett

Let's hear more about that.

0
💬 0

1114.76 - 1127.634 Larry David

Well, I told this, I think, on Howard Stern. It's kind of a long story, but should I make a long story short? No, we have a 45-minute and a completely different audience.

0
💬 0

1130.176 - 1135.421 Jason Bateman

If you're smart, this is the last answer you'll give. So good.

0
💬 0

1139.261 - 1140.401 Will Arnett

Work the clock, Larry.

0
💬 0

1140.641 - 1142.642 Travis Pastrana

Tell us.

0
💬 0

1142.662 - 1148.703 Will Arnett

By the way, just make it up anyway. We're not going to check.

0
💬 0

1148.723 - 1163.146 Larry David

No, I was in the Army, the Reserves. I went to basic training. It was horrendous. It was the worst experience of my life. I was ducking under live ammunition and firing weapons.

0
💬 0

1163.346 - 1163.866 Sean Hayes

Jumping over walls.

0
💬 0

1163.886 - 1188.039 Larry David

I had bayonets. Yeah. And so I did that for eight weeks, and then I had occupational specialty school. I was a petroleum storage specialist. What? And then we had to, yeah, well, you have to fill up the tanks with gas. Sure, sure. Somebody has to do it. So then after I got out, I had to go to meetings once a month.

0
💬 0

1189.745 - 1218.145 Larry David

at Floyd Bennett Field, a big airplane hangar, and it was freezing and I had to go home and I stayed at my parents' apartment in Brooklyn. I stayed with them for Friday night and Saturday night and then I'd go home back to New York on Sunday. But the meetings were Saturday and Sunday and then I heard about a psychiatrist who was writing letters to get people out. So I borrowed $250.

0
💬 0

1218.205 - 1226.293 Larry David

I went to see the psychiatrist. I convinced him that I was insane. He wrote me a letter saying I was insane.

0
💬 0

1226.333 - 1230.017 Jason Bateman

Stop there. How do you convince him you're insane? What was your flavor?

0
💬 0

1230.717 - 1232.88 Larry David

My flavor was I wanted to kill myself.

0
💬 0

1233.906 - 1242.534 Jason Bateman

Okay, so you went in there and you really tried to be convincingly... Yeah, I had suicidal ruminations.

0
💬 0

1242.614 - 1247.498 Will Arnett

What was it you were trying to get rid of? What were you trying to avoid?

0
💬 0

1247.538 - 1248.699 Larry David

Life was just too hard.

0
💬 0

1250.561 - 1251.983 Jason Bateman

Were you able to make yourself cry?

0
💬 0

1252.955 - 1256.276 Larry David

I was able to act, I was able to act it.

0
💬 0

1256.397 - 1260.098 Sean Hayes

Yeah, you can see it on Max right now.

0
💬 0

1260.118 - 1273.204 Larry David

I think I could have fooled, I don't know if I fooled him, because everybody was acting for him, but when I went to the meeting armed with the letter, now I'm really acting insane.

0
💬 0

1273.624 - 1274.204 Jason Bateman

Yeah, right.

0
💬 0

1274.664 - 1302.599 Larry David

And these people who knew me for two years, Well, because I went off into the corner. I was huddled by myself. I was looking around, acting crazy. Rocking back and forth a little bit. Good, good. Still rolling. Where's the Major? Where's the Major? I need to talk to the Major. Where's the Major? Yeah. And so somebody, and I saw people pointing at me, talking about me. I know they were.

0
💬 0

1302.619 - 1315.228 Larry David

Because you're nuts. Like what was going on with me? And then I went to see the major and I gave him the letter and he read the letter and I'm sitting across from him acting as nutty as a fruitcake.

0
💬 0

1315.248 - 1318.611 Jason Bateman

You should have chewed off a corner of the letter.

0
💬 0

1321.033 - 1329.486 Larry David

Well, he had the letter. He read the letter. He asked me a couple of questions after the letter. And then he said to me, can you drive home?

0
💬 0

1330.446 - 1331.787 Jason Bateman

Yeah, perfect.

0
💬 0
0
💬 0

1341.292 - 1346.014 Jason Bateman

That's crazy. Wow. Now, you're not old enough to go to Vietnam.

0
💬 0

1346.354 - 1354.567 Will Arnett

I tell you what, we could have used some of that kind of ingenuity in Vietnam. Now, I'm just saying, we could have used people. The country could have used you. Yeah, the country could have used it, Larry.

0
💬 0

1355.007 - 1357.729 Larry David

I'm sure I could have made a contribution in some way.

0
💬 0

1358.129 - 1361.671 Jason Bateman

Yeah, but look at the contribution you ended up making here.

0
💬 0

1361.791 - 1362.611 Larry David

Wonderful, Larry.

0
💬 0

1363.132 - 1385.557 Sean Hayes

But, Larry, now that you're here on this little smart list thing, and we didn't get a chance to really go deep on the set when I was working with you on Curb, I wanted to ask you the questions first. those days that we worked together, but I was too embarrassed. Like, I know you're probably sick of talking about it, but Seinfeld... I've always wondered, how did you and Jerry even meet?

0
💬 0

1385.717 - 1403.624 Sean Hayes

And how did that happen? Because when you make a TV show, it's so rare that the talent and the writers or the showrunners, that everything kind of hooks up and everybody has the same sensibility. And it seems you and Jerry had the same sensibility. So did you know each other out? Or was that like a business set up meeting or something?

0
💬 0

1403.644 - 1426.988 Larry David

We were both comedians in New York. So you knew each other? So we knew each other in New York. He generally performed at the comic strip. I was at the improv. But we would see each other a lot. We always enjoyed each other's company. We would actually go and write together in the afternoon. He'd bring his premises, I'd bring my premises, and we'd go over them.

0
💬 0

1427.948 - 1444.484 Larry David

And I had written a screenplay that somehow he had read. And then when NBC approached him about doing a show, he came to me and asked if I'd be interested in working with him.

0
💬 0

1444.504 - 1446.887 Will Arnett

Had you written like a half hour script before? No.

0
💬 0

1447.267 - 1453.43 Jason Bateman

No. That's why it's so damn good. It's just so different in form.

0
💬 0

1453.75 - 1459.394 Will Arnett

But did you, so when you get into that, started writing that half-hour multicam format.

0
💬 0

1459.895 - 1473.324 Larry David

Wait a second, wait a second. I did write one half-hour, I did write a half-hour pilot for Gilbert Gottfried. No kidding. Yeah, that was filmed and they didn't pick it up. That was for HBO.

0
💬 0

1474.125 - 1480.107 Jason Bateman

Was it also sort of changing the format a bit? No? Yeah.

0
💬 0

1480.487 - 1482.969 Larry David

Yeah. Right. Yeah, they didn't like it.

0
💬 0

1483.549 - 1490.034 Will Arnett

Yeah. So... But I love the way Seinfeld... Sorry, Willie. Well, I was just going to say, so I kind of want to get into this half-hour format.

0
💬 0

1490.054 - 1505.266 Will Arnett

So you do multicam, but the way that you do Seinfeld, it's not like traditional multicam, because you have... Well, at least initially, you kind of would go back and forth to Jerry doing his stand-up, and then you guys kind of fine-tuned that as you went, is my recollection. Right. Right.

0
💬 0

1506.567 - 1523.879 Larry David

But then the premise of the show, the premise of the show initially was how how does a comedian get his material? Right. So we would go through an episode and you would see whatever happened to him on the show. He would turn into material. Yeah, that was that was like the idea.

0
💬 0

1524.119 - 1528.462 Jason Bateman

And then it went like after the first year, you guys you guys tossed that, right?

0
💬 0

1529.635 - 1532.437 Larry David

I don't think after the first year. I think it was a couple of years.

0
💬 0

1532.697 - 1554.333 Will Arnett

And then you just kind of moved it to the end. Yeah, right. But did you, again, sort of, I don't want to get too in the weeds on the format. No, go in the weeds. But we're already in the weeds. Did you enjoy, did you, I don't know, was it difficult for you writing in that format? Was it a format that you liked or that you had to get used to or that you rebelled against?

0
💬 0

1556.055 - 1576.228 Larry David

Um... No, I was okay with it. I didn't mind it at all. At one point I said to him, I can't believe they're letting us do this. I was really surprised. Really? Yeah, I felt like, how are we getting away with this?

0
💬 0

1576.668 - 1584.655 Jason Bateman

Did you have a staff that you handpicked or did they try to marry you with a bunch of more traditional writers and how did that all work out?

0
💬 0

1585.879 - 1607.844 Larry David

Well, for the first four shows, I wasn't the executive producer. Yeah. They brought in someone who had experience. Sure. And who had a show on the air previously, and they brought him in, and he was my boss.

0
💬 0

1608.364 - 1609.524 Johnny Knoxville

Right. Yeah.

0
💬 0

1609.624 - 1633.663 Larry David

And so we handed in the first... A couple of shows. And then we were called into his office for notes. And he just, it was just four episodes. That note meeting, it did not go well.

0
💬 0

1634.263 - 1640.346 Jason Bateman

We just generally probably wanted to make it something a bit less specific.

0
💬 0

1641.366 - 1643.747 Will Arnett

Esoteric probably, less esoteric or...

0
💬 0

1645.391 - 1667.812 Jason Bateman

I don't know, you know, when... They were probably going for something more traditional, something more familiar, recognizable because you're a major network and let's round the edges a bit. Yes. And you guys thankfully said, well, but... Because you guys famously did not start high up in the ratings. You probably figured, what? Give us a chance to grow and do our own thing.

0
💬 0

1668.232 - 1695.04 Larry David

I said no to everything he said. Yeah. Right. I said, I can't do that. And then I... And then I quit, and they said... And then Jerry went to Castle Rock and said, look, forget it, we're going to do this or not. And so then that guy didn't really participate after that. Yeah. And it was essentially my show after that.

0
💬 0

1695.32 - 1718.693 Will Arnett

Yeah. Larry, and it should be noted... I was a fan of Jerry's. I saw him when I was like 17. My buddies got me for my birthday to go see Jerry play in Toronto in a theater. Oh, no way. Yeah. And I was a really big fan of his stand-up. And so when you guys started the show, I watched the first season. I had just moved to New York. It was the fall of 90, right, when you guys came on the air?

0
💬 0

1720.455 - 1723.318 Will Arnett

I think that's right, or summer, maybe? The summer. Summer of 90, yeah.

0
💬 0

1723.378 - 1728.204 Larry David

The pilot came on in the summer of 89, and then the first four shows came on in June of 90.

0
💬 0

1728.524 - 1735.131 Will Arnett

Yeah. Wow, that's so crazy. So crazy. And it was the Seinfeld Chronicles, as everybody knows, right?

0
💬 0

1736.005 - 1737.646 Larry David

Yeah, the first season, yeah.

0
💬 0

1737.766 - 1738.286 Will Arnett

First season.

0
💬 0

1738.987 - 1744.47 Larry David

Or just the pilot, I think. I think it was just the pilot. Oh, was it? I don't remember, yeah.

0
💬 0

1744.65 - 1769.51 Will Arnett

And I seem to remember, I think we talked about this maybe when Jerry was on, that the budget for the show at NBC came out of late night. that initially it was Rick Ludwin who- I think Variety. Oh, Variety, Variety, yeah. And right, was it- Rick Ludwin. Yeah, one of the greats.

0
💬 0

1770.09 - 1774.595 Larry David

He championed the show. Great dude. The show wouldn't have gotten on the air if not for him.

0
💬 0

1774.775 - 1789.452 Sean Hayes

I love that. And by the way, while you were on Seinfeld, you had both your daughters or just one daughter? No, both. Both, wow. And did you bring them around? Were they interested? No, they were babies. No, I know, but when they got older? No.

0
💬 0

1790.333 - 1791.915 Larry David

When they got older, it was off the air.

0
💬 0

1792.155 - 1798.121 Jason Bateman

First of all, don't, Sean, you stupid son of a- I thought they were like- Sean, take a time out.

0
💬 0

1798.362 - 1808.292 Larry David

Real quick. Did the show do well with babies? Sean, the show went off in 98. My daughter, Cassie, was born in 94. Oh, okay. And Romy was born in 96.

0
💬 0

1809.454 - 1810.315 Sean Hayes

First of all, calm down.

0
💬 0

1813.112 - 1818.194 Will Arnett

Second of all. Larry, how did you guys do with toddlers? Did you guys get a lot of toddlers?

0
💬 0

1818.894 - 1827.617 Jason Bateman

Oh, yeah. But Larry, Curb, correct me, has been on longer than Seinfeld was? Curb has been on for 24 years.

0
💬 0

1827.637 - 1830.778 Sean Hayes

24 years. Isn't that amazing? Not consecutively.

0
💬 0

1830.798 - 1831.679 Larry David

No, not consecutively.

0
💬 0

1831.699 - 1832.619 Sean Hayes

You took like 10 years off.

0
💬 0

1832.899 - 1835.48 Larry David

But when we started, we started. Holy shit. Yeah.

0
💬 0

1835.76 - 1856.417 Sean Hayes

Wait, I want to go into Curb more because how did you come up with the... Being there, I was like, oh, this is how this works. You get a little outline for my sister Tracy who doesn't understand. It's not written like, say, Seinfeld was. It's all improvised like we were talking at the beginning of this episode. that, but how did you... The story outline. The story outline, yeah.

0
💬 0

1856.437 - 1873.183 Sean Hayes

So you have to hit those points. But it's so fun because you spend an hour just improvising one scene and then you cut out the fat in the editing room and you have all great stuff. It's such a great format. So who thought of that and why did you think of that? I heard once, because when you and I did The Three Stooges, you said to me, I hate memorizing lines.

0
💬 0

1873.563 - 1901.245 Larry David

Yeah. Yeah. Well... It was, Seinfeld had ended and I was thinking about what I was going to do next. And Jeff Garlin had, I had an office at Castle Rock and Jeff Garlin had an office next door. And he said to me, what are you going to do now? I said, I'm thinking about going back to stand up. And he said, well, you should film it. And then I thought about, oh, well, what is that gonna be?

0
💬 0

1901.725 - 1925.665 Larry David

Filming it? That sounds intrusive. I don't know. What are they, the camera's gonna follow me into a dry cleaner? I could understand. I could see how it's gonna be on stage. That could be somewhat interesting to see the growth of the act. from beginning to end. But offstage, I didn't like the idea of filming myself. The camera's following me around. I didn't feel I'm all that interesting to follow.

0
💬 0

1926.266 - 1957.231 Larry David

And so I thought maybe if I wrote some... fictitious stories that we could do that around the standup. The standup could be real, but the offstage stuff would be just stuff I made up. And so that's what I did. I wrote an outline. I made Jeff my manager, Cheryl auditioned. She was my wife. We had kids in the first special, because that's what it was. It was a special. It wasn't a pilot.

0
💬 0

1958.152 - 1964.417 Larry David

It was just a one-off special. Right. We got it. And did you get it? Or should I repeat it one more time?

0
💬 0

1964.437 - 1966.239 Jason Bateman

I just can't wait to hear what happened to the kids.

0
💬 0

1969.581 - 1975.106 Larry David

Well, I didn't really want to see the kids, I realized, after the special. Sure.

0
💬 0

1975.306 - 1976.347 Jason Bateman

How did you off the children?

0
💬 0

1978.098 - 1980.12 Larry David

I just pretended the first show never existed.

0
💬 0

1980.26 - 1987.627 Will Arnett

It's the best way to do it. You never need to fucking explain it. No, no, no. You don't need to explain everything, right? I love that.

0
💬 0

1988.007 - 2009.242 Larry David

Just fucking changed it. I didn't want kids in the show. I just thought the show would be so much funnier without kids. I didn't want to deal with kids. I didn't want to keep having to explain, what about the kids? Where are the kids? Are the kids okay? Who's watching the kids? I didn't want to have to keep justifying everything that was going on and having to explain where the kids were.

0
💬 0

2009.962 - 2032.579 Will Arnett

Kids aren't funny. Kids aren't funny. Hey, the other thing is, Larry, do you think... God, you did something really genius, which is you were able to play this version of yourself, if you will. And you get to sort of be cranky and say whatever you want. And it must have gotten so obvious. It just bled into your real life that you're able to now because people just buy it.

0
💬 0

2032.599 - 2040.828 Will Arnett

And they're like, well, it's just Larry being Larry. He's like from the show. And now you can go to a gas station and give a guy the finger and people will laugh. See you later.

0
💬 0

2040.828 - 2062.05 Will Arnett

or scream at the slow group in front of you whatever the fuck you want on this planet I don't know about the planet but like the west side of LA and Manhattan you could do whatever the fuck you want it's made my life it's made my life so much better Jesus fucking Christ. Now I'm jealous. I'm really getting heated now when I realized this fucking carte blanche.

0
💬 0

2062.07 - 2071.414 Will Arnett

You literally printed yourself a carte blanche to say whatever the fuck you want in the places that we... And people are disappointed if I'm not that way.

0
💬 0

2071.574 - 2072.254 Larry David

I know.

0
💬 0

2072.274 - 2077.356 Will Arnett

People are like, fuck, the guy paid his bill and he didn't tell me to go fuck myself. I mean, what am I doing wrong?

0
💬 0

2077.376 - 2096.505 Jason Bateman

You're making the people happy by you being cranky. It's so great. But do you notice that, honestly, that you get some stuff out there as this other version of yourself, and then your real life actually ends up being a little bit more placid and less dramatic?

0
💬 0

2097.666 - 2113.75 Larry David

I haven't noticed that, but it is... Acting and doing that Larry David on the show, it is so much fun, first of all, and kind of a little cathartic in a way.

0
💬 0

2114.03 - 2121.756 Will Arnett

I know what you mean. A little cathartic in a way, way to couch it. I mean, when you're talking, obviously it's the fucking greatest.

0
💬 0

2121.796 - 2144.385 Sean Hayes

Yeah. You get to say all these horrible things. By the way, how about... I wasn't even going to bring this up, but it just hit me. Marjorie Taylor Greene, first of all, she said she was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is already kind of... Oh, we watched the show. And then she got upset because... She thought you painted people in her state or in the South as racist or whatever.

0
💬 0

2144.765 - 2149.893 Sean Hayes

I'm paraphrasing, so I don't know her words. Yeah. But weren't you kind of blown away that she even watches your show?

0
💬 0

2149.913 - 2157.322 Larry David

I was pretty surprised by it. Yeah. But... It was just about a law that exists in that state.

0
💬 0

2157.722 - 2164.187 Sean Hayes

Right, exactly. Where you can't give people water or food or whatever when they're in line voting. So outrageous.

0
💬 0

2164.408 - 2178.559 Larry David

It's so unbelievable. So stupid. It's so great. Yeah, I remember when I heard about that law, I wrote it down in my notebook. And then... I knew I was going to, you had to use that.

0
💬 0

2178.619 - 2183.382 Sean Hayes

The whole season is like kind of around that, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

0
💬 0

2183.862 - 2212.438 Jason Bateman

So then Larry, so the show has had this incredible, long, successful run. You've brought it to this beautiful conclusion. I'm not going to ask you, you know, what's next, but I would imagine that you're good, right? You you've worked your nards off for however many years at a really high level accomplished probably 10 times what you thought you would accomplish. Um, you feel satisfied.

0
💬 0

2214.335 - 2226.021 Jason Bateman

Are there areas in your life that you would love to try to find equal success in or other areas of the business or different industries? No.

0
💬 0

2226.521 - 2227.501 Larry David

You're good.

0
💬 0

2228.222 - 2231.323 Will Arnett

You're all set. Any other industries you want to get into?

0
💬 0

2231.463 - 2235.525 Larry David

I'd love to be an offensive coordinator for an NFL team.

0
💬 0

2235.845 - 2236.245 Will Arnett

Okay.

0
💬 0

2236.605 - 2237.786 Larry David

That would be my dream job.

0
💬 0

2238.166 - 2239.468 Will Arnett

Very offensive coordinator.

0
💬 0

2240.169 - 2246.058 Jason Bateman

But truly, you do love football, and specifically, do you know about plays and all that stuff?

0
💬 0

2246.439 - 2265.564 Larry David

No, I don't know anything about it, but I feel like I'd be good at it. Yeah. Yeah, I know nothing. But I feel like if I studied it, if somebody took me under their wing, I feel like in a year or two, I feel I could design great plays. It's a creative endeavor, really, when you think about it.

0
💬 0

2265.584 - 2272.131 Jason Bateman

From what I understand, if you just play Madden, you really learn quite a bit. So maybe try that. Get yourself a PlayStation.

0
💬 0

2272.172 - 2289.658 Sean Hayes

Oh, really? Oh, no, I've never done that. Could you imagine Larry David on the field just calling shots? Yeah. Throwing his headset? With the little headset? Yeah. Screaming into that thing? I honestly feel I could do it. You'd just be yelling, like, just throw it and then catch it. How hard is that?

0
💬 0

2289.678 - 2291.859 Jason Bateman

And what team would that be? Would that be the Giants or the Jets?

0
💬 0

2293.109 - 2307.255 Larry David

Well, you know, I'm a Jet fan. I'm also a Giant fan, but I'm more Jets than Giants. When Joe Namath came in in 1965, I really took to him, and so I became a Jet fan.

0
💬 0

2307.275 - 2318.98 Sean Hayes

Larry, you know, when we were working together, I asked you the same kind of thing Jason was asking. I'm like, why are you ending? Why are you stopping the show? And you just said, look at me. I'm 76 years old.

0
💬 0

2320.949 - 2321.67 Will Arnett

Look at me.

0
💬 0

2321.85 - 2322.45 Sean Hayes

What do you mean?

0
💬 0

2329.155 - 2330.656 Jason Bateman

When's your birthday, by the way?

0
💬 0

2331.336 - 2335.619 Sean Hayes

Quick. July 2nd. Do you hate, by the way, do you hate birthdays? You hate holidays?

0
💬 0

2335.659 - 2341.383 Larry David

Well, I hate, you know, it becomes a job returning the birthday emails and the texts.

0
💬 0

2341.663 - 2341.883 Sean Hayes

I agree.

0
💬 0

2341.903 - 2345.145 Larry David

It's a bit of a job. So, yeah, I don't like it.

0
💬 0

2345.325 - 2352.429 Jason Bateman

I really don't like it. You know what I don't like is when people sing happy birthday to me. I don't know what to do. It's the worst, like, minute and a half.

0
💬 0

2352.449 - 2356.73 Larry David

All you can do is make a face and shake your head. Yeah.

0
💬 0

2358.01 - 2360.871 Sean Hayes

Wait, what about all the other holidays? I get the birthday thing.

0
💬 0

2360.891 - 2387.848 Larry David

It becomes a job. I detest all holidays. Not one. Not one. There's not one holiday that I like. I particularly hate Halloween. I hate Thanksgiving. I hate Christmas. New Year's I can stand because I know that the whole thing's going to be over soon after that night. Yeah, but you've got to stay up late. You hate to stay up late. No, I would stay up. I haven't stayed up past 12 in 15 years. Yeah.

0
💬 0

2388.269 - 2405.216 Larry David

Why Halloween? Because you've got to dress up. The... The costumes, the kids, the bothering, you know, knocking on the door. By the way, my house is in darkness on Halloween.

0
💬 0

2405.576 - 2413.682 Sean Hayes

Of course it is. All the lights are out. Nobody knocks on the door. We put a sign out that says, sorry, no candy every single year.

0
💬 0

2415.223 - 2426.466 Will Arnett

Larry, you could probably get away with putting a sign that said, go fuck yourself, and people would fucking adore you for it. They'd fucking build you a goddamn monument. I'm still really grinding on this over here.

0
💬 0

2426.546 - 2441.529 Sean Hayes

I remember I've seen you at Conan's Christmas party a couple times, and it's great. Do you like going to parties? Well, that's kind of like, it's not a dinner party, but they served great food and stuff. But I imagine you don't like to sit down at dinner parties, or do you?

0
💬 0

2441.969 - 2464.593 Larry David

The thing about the dinner party is you don't know who's going. That's right. And that's what really bothers me about it, that it's such a fucking secret as to who you're inviting. And then you show up, oh, you're here. Oh, hello. Who needs that? Tell me who's going and I'll see if I want to go. Why can't I know?

0
💬 0

2464.613 - 2469.474 Jason Bateman

I should have a chance to educate my decision about the way I'm going to spend my night.

0
💬 0

2469.614 - 2477.939 Larry David

Exactly. And all of a sudden, then you're spending two and a half hours with a stranger. You've got nothing to say to them.

0
💬 0

2478.819 - 2485.623 Will Arnett

Like if you're not going to go to the beach, you're going to look at the weather. And if the weather is rainy, you're not going to fucking go for two and a half hours, right?

0
💬 0

2486.543 - 2496.109 Larry David

Exactly. I don't get it. I don't get it. So a couple of weeks ago, I was invited and I asked. I said I was going to be there.

0
💬 0

2496.129 - 2496.609 Johnny Knoxville

All right.

0
💬 0

2497.069 - 2498.329 Larry David

And offense was taken.

0
💬 0

2498.75 - 2498.99 Johnny Knoxville

Sure.

0
💬 0

2499.55 - 2502.371 Larry David

Okay. And I didn't go.

0
💬 0

2502.791 - 2507.272 Sean Hayes

Good. Smart. Because you found it because they told you? They told you? No, they didn't tell me.

0
💬 0

2507.852 - 2510.813 Jason Bateman

Okay. Do you throw dinner parties? Me?

0
💬 0

2511.254 - 2511.454 Johnny Knoxville

Yeah.

0
💬 0

2512.094 - 2524.878 Jason Bateman

Have I ever said, let's have a dinner party? Or let's say you have six, seven, eight people over. Would you then tell the other people who's coming? Yes. Yes. Exactly.

0
💬 0

2524.918 - 2535.476 Larry David

Yeah. You know, I'm golden ruling it. Yeah, I'm not trying to trick people over to my house. Yeah, exactly, yeah. I'm golden ruling it. I'm doing unto them as I want them to do unto me.

0
💬 0

2535.936 - 2545.922 Will Arnett

I'm with you on that. I get kind of offended that these guys know, like, if you invite me to a one-year-old's birthday party, I'm fucking mad. I'm like, don't invite me to a one-year-old's birthday party. That's outrageous.

0
💬 0

2546.242 - 2548.403 Jason Bateman

I'll go one step further. Don't invite me to your wedding.

0
💬 0

2548.823 - 2553.146 Will Arnett

Don't invite me to your wedding on a weekend in the summer?

0
💬 0

2553.166 - 2555.147 Larry David

The bar mitzvah is even worse than the wedding.

0
💬 0

2555.227 - 2563.913 Will Arnett

No, but my kids go to the bar mitzvahs because that's where all the makeouts happen. Yeah, just the service. Yeah, you just come to the service, not the party.

0
💬 0

2565.174 - 2571.539 Larry David

Anything to do with it. They're just intolerable, top and bottom.

0
💬 0

2571.579 - 2572.799 Jason Bateman

Oh, and you got to bring a check.

0
💬 0

2573.14 - 2573.54 Larry David

Yeah.

0
💬 0

2575.641 - 2593.955 Sean Hayes

We'll be right back. All right, back to the show. So I wrote a bunch of like, I want to do like a speed thing with you because I wrote, what, you hate that? You're going to introduce a new format here? I'm not going to do that. Just one word answers? You think Larry wants to do the speed?

0
💬 0

2593.975 - 2603.498 Will Arnett

Or you can say fuck off. We've never done a speed. Why are you doing it for Larry? That's a terrible idea. Terrible. Yeah, make Larry the monkey. Oh, Sean's upset. Okay, Sean, do one speed thing. One.

0
💬 0

2603.518 - 2611.045 Jason Bateman

Go ahead. He's worked on it with Scotty all weekend. No, no, no. Let's hear it. No, no, no. This is going to be fun. No, it's not.

0
💬 0

2611.105 - 2612.165 Sean Hayes

It's going to be horrible now.

0
💬 0

2612.365 - 2614.166 Jason Bateman

What about a stage story, Larry?

0
💬 0

2614.186 - 2615.847 Will Arnett

What about when he went to Broadway?

0
💬 0

2615.987 - 2626.51 Sean Hayes

Oh, there you go. Let's do that. How about that, Sean? Larry, I saw your show on Broadway. You didn't see mine. I loved it, though. If I had been in New York when it was on, I definitely would have got it.

0
💬 0

2627.391 - 2642.858 Larry David

For six months? I was going to fly to New York? Yes. I flew to New York to see yours. Who asked you to? I didn't tell you to do that. I would have dissuaded you. I would have said, are you nuts? I don't want you to come. That's what I would have told you. And you should have told me the same thing.

0
💬 0

2642.898 - 2657.052 Sean Hayes

Like a good friend. Yep. Now tell me, I did see that show and you were fucking great in it. That's it. So nice of you to say that. Wait, which one was this? Bring it back down. Which show? Something with fishes. It's fishes. I'm on the fish.

0
💬 0

2657.192 - 2659.212 Larry David

It was called Fish in the Dark.

0
💬 0

2659.373 - 2669.636 Sean Hayes

Fish in the Dark. Fish in the Dark. Yeah. But I thought it was great, and you told me that you didn't love the experience of eight shows a week. No. Did you not know that that's what you were getting into?

0
💬 0

2669.656 - 2671.916 Jason Bateman

I'm not shocked by that. How'd that sneak up on you, Larry?

0
💬 0

2674.637 - 2680.965 Larry David

Yeah. I don't know. It was the dumbest decision I've ever made in my life.

0
💬 0

2681.005 - 2682.666 Jason Bateman

Have you spoken to that agent since?

0
💬 0

2683.587 - 2708.676 Larry David

It was my fault. I'm the one who agreed to it. It was my fault. I didn't write it to be in it. Right. I got talked into it by the producer. Wow. Yeah. And you hated it. How long was that run? The first show was February 4th. The last show was June 9th in 2015. Wow. Wow. So 144 performances.

0
💬 0

2708.916 - 2710.656 Sean Hayes

How many months is that?

0
💬 0

2710.716 - 2712.457 Larry David

February, March, April, May.

0
💬 0

2712.477 - 2713.097 Will Arnett

Yeah, it's five months.

0
💬 0

2713.117 - 2717.558 Larry David

You think that? Sorry. February, March, April, May. Four and a half.

0
💬 0

2718.058 - 2721.839 Will Arnett

Uh-huh. Sean, how many did you do of Goodnight Oscar? Six months.

0
💬 0

2722.259 - 2728.321 Sean Hayes

Oh, no. I did five months in New York and three months or two or three months in New York. But how many performances? He knows his number.

0
💬 0

2728.341 - 2729.421 Larry David

He knows his number.

0
💬 0

2729.621 - 2733.062 Sean Hayes

You don't know. I don't know. How many shows did you do a week? Seven. Seven.

0
💬 0

2734.028 - 2734.148 Larry David

Oh.

0
💬 0

2734.548 - 2742.192 Sean Hayes

Yeah. That's better than eight. I couldn't sell the eight one. I got a moment to rest for a second. One less. Yeah. Yeah. But you had a heavy lift in that. You were driving the whole thing.

0
💬 0

2742.432 - 2742.712 Larry David

Yeah.

0
💬 0

2743.072 - 2744.573 Sean Hayes

Yeah. And you hated it. Never again.

0
💬 0

2744.733 - 2750.676 Larry David

It was boring. Doing the same stuff over night after night after night, I found it boring.

0
💬 0

2750.696 - 2756.998 Sean Hayes

Do you have any funny stories? Didn't you get hurt once? You lose your voice ever? No, I don't have any funny stories.

0
💬 0

2757.399 - 2774.914 Larry David

Okay, good. Did you... I did notice that the... Great question, though, Sean. Thanks. That... It becomes so rote and... No, there's no creativity at all after you do the first 10. Right. You're just doing the same thing over and over again.

0
💬 0

2774.934 - 2780.278 Sean Hayes

It's kind of fun, though, to find new things that you, to try new things that are so small that make the scene better.

0
💬 0

2780.358 - 2782.319 Larry David

Okay, I tried something new once.

0
💬 0

2782.559 - 2783.62 Sean Hayes

Yeah. Oh, I guess you do have a story.

0
💬 0

2783.64 - 2790.304 Larry David

And I got so thrown by it. Uh-oh. The whole system broke down and I forgot the next line.

0
💬 0

2790.504 - 2791.324 Sean Hayes

Yeah.

0
💬 0

2791.464 - 2800.43 Larry David

Oh, no. I looked a different way. Instead of looking to the right, I looked to the left and all of a sudden it all went askew.

0
💬 0

2800.75 - 2803.852 Jason Bateman

How'd you get back on track? Did somebody whisper something from the wings?

0
💬 0

2803.872 - 2811.177 Larry David

No, I realized where I was finally, but that was the last time I tried anything different. Yeah, exactly.

0
💬 0

2812.358 - 2832.365 Sean Hayes

I was doing a play and this guy was carrying a briefcase in one hand. And right before we went out, we went out at the same time. He said, God, my hand hurts from carrying the briefcase the same way. I go, you should switch hands. He goes, oh. I go, but don't do it tonight. He goes, no, I'll do it. We walked out. He forgot every line. That's exactly the story. Exactly what I'm talking about.

0
💬 0

2832.385 - 2833.145 Sean Hayes

Yeah, I got it.

0
💬 0

2833.365 - 2855.838 Will Arnett

I understand. That's wild. Right? Those neural pathways are dug so deep based on what... Larry, what do you do when you're not doing your show anymore and you're not doing stand-up? What do you... I know you like to play golf, but is there anything else that you like to do that you have any sort of stupid hobbies or anything that you do to occupy your time that people wouldn't know?

0
💬 0

2856.525 - 2858.606 Larry David

No, not really. No, nothing.

0
💬 0

2858.626 - 2861.247 Will Arnett

What, do you watch TV? What, do you got cable news on?

0
💬 0

2861.267 - 2870.03 Larry David

I do what everybody else does. I read, I watch TV. These guys don't read.

0
💬 0

2870.05 - 2879.894 Jason Bateman

No, I don't read. Do you read nonfiction? Are you rereading stuff about world wars and things like that? Or you like good romance novels?

0
💬 0

2881.545 - 2885.793 Larry David

Romance novels? Yeah, you know, kind of fun. Do you read any spy novels?

0
💬 0

2885.813 - 2887.696 Will Arnett

You get into that shit and anything like that?

0
💬 0

2888.317 - 2906.261 Larry David

I read a great book about the spies in England. I forgot the name of it. Sorry. I apologize. I'm so sorry. We'll be cutting this, right?

0
💬 0

2906.281 - 2907.362 Sean Hayes

We'll cut that.

0
💬 0

2907.762 - 2908.443 Larry David

I probably read it.

0
💬 0

2908.483 - 2909.143 Will Arnett

I probably read it.

0
💬 0

2909.343 - 2928.795 Sean Hayes

So I love at the beginning of this interview, you were like, I kind of regret being here. And then on my next question, I get it. And my next question was going to be, well, what else would you be doing? And apparently the answer is nothing. Yeah, reading a magazine. Is that true? He'd rather be doing nothing than talking to us. I love that.

0
💬 0

2929.615 - 2950.1 Sean Hayes

I have a quick, before we let you go there, I have this very quick, funny little thing that happened between me and you. I'd love to get you to your speed round, though. No, it's too late. It was going to be hysterical, but that's too bad. So listen, it's the I Love You story outside of HBO. I don't know if you remember this. I asked you to do a show a long time ago.

0
💬 0

2951.407 - 2958.088 Sean Hayes

that I was producing and you graciously declined because you're not afraid to say no. And then I didn't see you for like a year or something.

0
💬 0

2958.168 - 2974.012 Sean Hayes

And then I was at the HBO building and I was waiting for an elevator, HBO building in Santa Monica, waiting for the elevator and when the doors opened, you were there and the first thing you said before I even said hello or anything, the doors open, you just go, I'm sorry. I just don't like those kinds of shows.

0
💬 0

2974.492 - 2975.232 Travis Pastrana

I'm so sorry.

0
💬 0

2975.672 - 3000.684 Sean Hayes

They're not for me. I'm so sorry. You're great. I just can't do it. I'm like, don't worry about it. I don't care. But I thought it was fascinating. You hung on to that for over a year. And then when we were done chatting, I said, you don't have to ever worry about anything like that, Larry. It's no big deal. And don't worry about it. And you said, okay. And I said, I love you. And then...

0
💬 0

3003.991 - 3016.358 Sean Hayes

You said, yeah, I don't do that. I don't do that. I'm not going to say that. And then I laughed and you walked away. And like two minutes later, we say goodbye. And way in the distance, you were getting your car and I'm still at the elevator and you go.

0
💬 0

3022.682 - 3033.99 Larry David

You old softy. I thought that was real sweet. Yeah. Let's cut that too. Okay, great. Sweet Larry. Sweet Larry. Larry, listen. We don't want that out in the public.

0
💬 0

3034.331 - 3035.792 Sean Hayes

No. We're going to let you go. Sean, real quick.

0
💬 0

3036.032 - 3037.073 Jason Bateman

Real quick speed round, Sean.

0
💬 0

3037.093 - 3058.004 Sean Hayes

Real quick, go. Fucking go! Wait, let me see where they are now. I've got to find them. Here we go. Oh, it's on a computer? Did you AI this? I wrote them down last night. It was like a... What is it? This is like a Rorschach thing? No, I don't know who that is. Would you rather be subjected to someone showing you pictures of their kids for an entire afternoon or lose a foot?

0
💬 0

3058.104 - 3059.985 Sean Hayes

Do you ever pick up at dinner? No, that's not.

0
💬 0

3060.025 - 3064.547 Larry David

Do you ever watch Shark Tank, by the way? It's a very good question.

0
💬 0

3065.447 - 3079.03 Sean Hayes

But of course I need the foot. You need the foot. Right. I couldn't play golf without my foot. No, you can't. Oh, would you rather wear only uncomfortable shoes whenever you go outside or comfortable shoes 24 hours a day and can never take them off?

0
💬 0

3080.01 - 3084.791 Jason Bateman

You can never take the shoes off? You mean even when you're sleeping? Yeah, showering, swimming, things like that.

0
💬 0

3085.511 - 3097.867 Sean Hayes

Now listen, what about this one? Would you rather live without the internet or live without air conditioning and heating? Easily. That's such an easy question. What do you think? I'd rather live without the air conditioning.

0
💬 0

3098.107 - 3102.671 Larry David

I'd rather live without the internet, even without the air conditioning.

0
💬 0

3103.891 - 3121.303 Sean Hayes

I hate the internet. What's something that you just recently realized that you were embarrassed you didn't realize earlier? What's that? It's bad. What would the world be like if it was filled with male and female copies of you? That's the last one. I think it would be a much better place. Much better. Wow. There you go. That's the only one we're keeping. Good answer.

0
💬 0

3121.363 - 3126.825 Sean Hayes

Larry David, you're the sweetest. I had the best time with you on your show. Thank you for being on this show. It's too short. It's too short.

0
💬 0

3126.845 - 3132.027 Will Arnett

Curb your enthusiasm. The final, is it called The Final Frontier? What's the name? Is there like a subtitle?

0
💬 0

3132.408 - 3133.608 Larry David

No, it's just true. I don't think so.

0
💬 0

3133.828 - 3134.949 Will Arnett

I think it's called That's Enough.

0
💬 0

3135.929 - 3140.241 Larry David

That's Enough. That's Enough. Yeah. I like that. Yeah.

0
💬 0

3140.321 - 3142.161 Jason Bateman

That would be a nice Larry David.

0
💬 0

3142.181 - 3151.844 Larry David

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's very good. Yeah. I'm looking, Sean, I'm really looking forward to people seeing you on Curb because you're fantastic in it.

0
💬 0

3151.884 - 3156.345 Sean Hayes

Well, thank you. Thank you for having me. I loved it. It was so fun. Boy, we had some good laughs.

0
💬 0

3156.525 - 3159.646 Jason Bateman

Will and I are happy to be involved in any of the reshoots.

0
💬 0

3160.026 - 3160.766 Sean Hayes

Or promotion.

0
💬 0

3160.786 - 3161.866 Jason Bateman

Additional photography.

0
💬 0

3161.886 - 3162.986 Larry David

We'll just do promo.

0
💬 0

3163.026 - 3164.047 Jason Bateman

We'll just do the junket.

0
💬 0

3164.347 - 3168.027 Larry David

Hey, guys, this wasn't as awful as I thought it was going to be.

0
💬 0

3168.207 - 3169.068 Jason Bateman

Hey, thanks, man.

0
💬 0

3169.088 - 3170.848 Will Arnett

That's one of the best reviews we've ever had.

0
💬 0

3171.508 - 3188.979 Jason Bateman

Did you have more fun here or on Morning Joe? I was so excited when I saw you on my favorite show, Morning Joe. Was it great? I'm so jealous you were on that set. Yeah, they're great. I want to go over there and say hi to those guys. Do you still golf, Laird? Oh, yeah. You do? Not today. It's rainy. Too wet today. Do you see these guys there ever? I do.

0
💬 0

3189.019 - 3195.526 Larry David

I see them out there. We're going to play together one day. I'm off until October.

0
💬 0

3196.727 - 3201.233 Will Arnett

I'm around. I played over at your club the other day for the pro-am they did.

0
💬 0

3201.829 - 3205.212 Larry David

Yeah, I don't even get invited to that. Is that true?

0
💬 0

3205.312 - 3209.115 Jason Bateman

Will just went ahead and won it. Come on. He won it. He won the Pro-Am on Wednesday.

0
💬 0

3209.415 - 3233.59 Will Arnett

What? Yeah, he had three birdies. My team did. Yeah, I did have three birdies. Who did you play with? I played with Sebastian Maniscalco. And who else did I play with? And with Jeff Azoff. Who was your pro? With Sam Burns. Wow, really? Yeah. And he was great. Sam Burns went low that day. And Jeff Azoff is great, as you know. He plays at your club. He's terrific. He's a club champ.

0
💬 0

3233.79 - 3241.713 Will Arnett

And then, Sebastian, forget about it. And then, I mean, just to put it in terms that he would understand. He's so funny.

0
💬 0

3241.973 - 3245.074 Larry David

Don't you find it curious that I'm not invited to play in that pro-am?

0
💬 0

3245.134 - 3245.894 Will Arnett

I find it very curious.

0
💬 0

3245.914 - 3252.556 Jason Bateman

How are you not invited to play at the pro-am? It's your own club, and you're a huge star. And then I'm there. Fucking ding-dong.

0
💬 0

3253.077 - 3268.765 Will Arnett

Canadian asshole. Canadian moron gets invited. How are you not? They're trying to go international. Anyway, well, Larry, we'll get out and play someday. That would be good. And I'll show you around your own club and where to hit it and stuff, you know.

0
💬 0

3268.825 - 3269.526 Larry David

What's your index?

0
💬 0

3270.346 - 3271.207 Will Arnett

Terrible. I'm a 10.8.

0
💬 0

3272.028 - 3276.812 Larry David

Oh, you're not terrible. You're much better than I am. No, you're right around there, Larry.

0
💬 0

3277.112 - 3278.233 Will Arnett

No, no, I'm not.

0
💬 0

3279.153 - 3280.695 Larry David

This Bateman character.

0
💬 0

3280.915 - 3283.377 Will Arnett

Bateman, you know, he shot a 70 at Bel Air two weeks ago.

0
💬 0
0
💬 0

3287.901 - 3291.223 Jason Bateman

Wow. That was the last round I played and I won't play again until October.

0
💬 0

3291.243 - 3293.686 Larry David

Is that so? Where are you going?

0
💬 0

3293.726 - 3299.631 Jason Bateman

I'll probably shoot 105. Just working, you know. I'm still out here humping, you know. Trying to dance as fast as I can.

0
💬 0

3300.743 - 3302.905 Will Arnett

He's going to New York to work. He's back here this week.

0
💬 0

3303.526 - 3312.475 Jason Bateman

What are you doing in New York? I'm doing some crime drama thingamabob. That's why I'm growing out all this crap, beard and hair and all this nonsense.

0
💬 0

3312.655 - 3314.357 Larry David

What are you playing, a cop?

0
💬 0

3314.397 - 3316.479 Jason Bateman

I'm playing a loser, right? Look how I'm doing.

0
💬 0

3317.641 - 3319.763 Will Arnett

You didn't need to grow out the hair and the beard for that, dude.

0
💬 0

3323.656 - 3336.537 Jason Bateman

Larry, I miss you. I'd love to have at least some food with you soon. Please say hi to Ashley. You're very nice to be doing this today with us. That was very kind of you. Very, very cool. I don't know what to say to that.

0
💬 0

3336.877 - 3356.947 Will Arnett

We're big fans. I know you hate it, and not to embarrass you, you've done so much great stuff in your career, and for guys like me, and I can speak for these guys, it's a thrill. Honestly, you're such a funny guy, you're such a funny writer, such a funny performer, and it's inspiring, to be totally honest. Again, not to put you on the spot, you don't have to respond.

0
💬 0

3357.407 - 3365.233 Will Arnett

But it's great, and we look up to people like, you know, to you and what you do. I think it's awesome. What you do is not easy.

0
💬 0

3365.553 - 3375.841 Jason Bateman

You make it look very easy, and people need to know that it is not easy. They'll say, oh, he's playing himself. Guess what, guys? Not simple, incredibly talented. And I know it's not.

0
💬 0

3375.861 - 3386.169 Will Arnett

Thank you. And sometimes it's not cool and comedy to pay those kinds of compliments or whatever, but it is true, and you are definitely an inspiration. So thank you for all the awesome stuff you've done.

0
💬 0

3386.189 - 3389.31 Larry David

Well, you're very, very nice to say that. I wish I could take it in.

0
💬 0

3390.83 - 3391.57 Will Arnett

I know. You don't have to.

0
💬 0

3391.651 - 3393.711 Jason Bateman

You'll think about it again right when you're going to bed tonight.

0
💬 0

3393.731 - 3399.353 Larry David

A little grin. A little thought bubble. All right, guys. See you. Thank you. Take care, pal.

0
💬 0

3399.393 - 3400.333 Jason Bateman

Hey, Larry, love you.

0
💬 0

3400.353 - 3402.153 Larry David

Larry? Larry? Larry?

0
💬 0

3402.173 - 3413.444 Jason Bateman

I love you! He's great. I think I really do love that man. I just love being around him.

0
💬 0

3413.484 - 3418.527 Sean Hayes

Yeah, his deepest, darkest secret is that he's a sweetheart. I know. Such a sweetheart.

0
💬 0

3418.767 - 3423.41 Will Arnett

Yeah. I met his wife. Jay, you know his wife, Ashley? Tiny bit, yeah.

0
💬 0

3423.791 - 3427.173 Sean Hayes

Yeah, yeah. I met her once. She's so sweet. I only met her one time.

0
💬 0

3428.193 - 3430.835 Jason Bateman

Yeah, they're a lot of fun. I like them a lot.

0
💬 0

3431.175 - 3440.801 Sean Hayes

Yeah, he's, you know, like Will was saying, he's one of the greats, you know? And that show's been on for 20, what did he say, four years? 20-some years?

0
💬 0

3441.381 - 3447.785 Jason Bateman

I really, honestly, genuinely would love to be on a set with him. That would be really, really rewarding.

0
💬 0

3447.805 - 3448.206 Sean Hayes

So fun.

0
💬 0

3448.746 - 3451.428 Jason Bateman

So I missed my chance. I got to cast him in something.

0
💬 0

3451.468 - 3452.148 Sean Hayes

He'll probably say no.

0
💬 0

3452.188 - 3453.689 Will Arnett

He'll do other stuff. He'll do other stuff.

0
💬 0

3453.709 - 3457.491 Jason Bateman

Maybe this was it. Maybe this was us working together. This was the beginning and the end of it.

0
💬 0

3457.512 - 3460.193 Will Arnett

He legit did say that. How come you're never on? And I was like, well, it's your show.

0
💬 0

3460.213 - 3460.994 Jason Bateman

Right.

0
💬 0

3461.434 - 3462.915 Will Arnett

You never asked me, so. Yeah.

0
💬 0

3463.775 - 3471.34 Jason Bateman

Do you ever say that when somebody comes up to you and asks to be on Smart List and you say, yeah, why haven't we had you on yet? And meanwhile, you're thinking, we're not going to have him on?

0
💬 0

3472.521 - 3472.721 Sean Hayes

Yeah. Yeah.

0
💬 0

3473.331 - 3474.452 Elna Baker

Yeah, it happens.

0
💬 0

3474.972 - 3475.253 Will Arnett

I guess.

0
💬 0

3475.513 - 3475.913 Elna Baker

It's tough.

0
💬 0

3476.454 - 3478.275 Will Arnett

I know. It's tough to hear the truth, I guess.

0
💬 0

3478.575 - 3491.165 Sean Hayes

But he has his legacy. He can always say he has one of the greatest shows in the history of American television. Two of the greatest shows. And he's only done two.

0
💬 0

3491.185 - 3497.451 Jason Bateman

Well, except for the Gottfried failed pilot, I guess. But we won't talk about that.

0
💬 0

3497.471 - 3498.331 Will Arnett

You just brought it up.

0
💬 0

3498.471 - 3502.835 Jason Bateman

Well, but he's not even two for three. Because it was just a pilot, never aired, you know?

0
💬 0

3503.616 - 3511.763 Will Arnett

So he's at 60%, and now he's at 66%. I guess a second ago, he was batting 1,000, and now he's still Hall of Fame.

0
💬 0

3511.903 - 3517.868 Jason Bateman

Only been on two television shows, and they're both probably in the top ten ever in the history of television.

0
💬 0

3518.089 - 3546.969 Will Arnett

Well, three. The Gilbert Gottfried thing. Anyway. I know. He is so incredible. He's so fucking incredible. And I do mean it. Apart from that, not only did he write himself licensed to do what he wants, right, in terms of his behavior and being as cranky as he wants in a way that is really, you know, invokes a lot of jealousy in me, but also he got paid really handsomely to do that.

0
💬 0

3547.589 - 3555.393 Jason Bateman

I don't think so. I think the story is that he deferred all the money because he just did it for the art.

0
💬 0

3556.653 - 3557.734 Will Arnett

He never cashed those checks?

0
💬 0

3557.754 - 3559.335 Jason Bateman

Did not get a dollar from Seinfeld.

0
💬 0

3559.635 - 3560.135 Will Arnett

No kidding.

0
💬 0

3560.195 - 3565.758 Jason Bateman

Wow. Yeah, he just loved it. Didn't talk about it. No kidding. Yeah, we should call him back.

0
💬 0

3566.198 - 3567.519 Will Arnett

Yeah, I just loved it.

0
💬 0

3568.079 - 3579.184 Jason Bateman

You know, no, seriously, somebody told me that and they promised me that they are aware of this information and they can prove it because they have an alibi. Bye. Bye. Bye.

0
💬 0

3593.095 - 3601.904 Will Arnett

SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.

0
💬 0

3610.014 - 3616.798 Sean Hayes

Guys, Jason had to scoot very quickly and apologize this profusely for not being here for this little thing that we're about to do, which we're really excited about.

0
💬 0

3617.078 - 3619.559 Will Arnett

He's missing the party. He's missing the fun. He's missing the party.

0
💬 0

3619.599 - 3637.166 Sean Hayes

He does feel really, really bad. Yeah. But we have a couple guests with us today for a super quick plug for a new SmartList media show called Pretty Sure I Can Fly. We can't wait for the show. We're super pumped. One of the hosts is a friend of the podcast, has been on before, an actor, filmmaker, has made us laugh for literally years.

0
💬 0

3637.686 - 3640.907 Sean Hayes

And his partner in crime is a woman who we haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet.

0
💬 0

3641.067 - 3645.188 Will Arnett

And figuratively years. And figuratively years. You said literally years.

0
💬 0

3645.928 - 3665.017 Sean Hayes

And figuratively years. But literally years. At least me. And a woman who we haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet who will be a friend of the show after this little chat and giggle. Yeah. She's a brilliant writer and produced one of the all-time greats, This American Life. Love that show. Willie, let's say hello to Johnny Knoxville and Elna Baker. Okay, I'm going to say hello. Hello.

0
💬 0

3665.037 - 3673.283 Sean Hayes

Well, hello. Hi. Hi, guys. This is so exciting that you're here. Tell us about the show. I can't wait. I mean, I know about it, but tell everybody else about it.

0
💬 0

3674.724 - 3689.896 Johnny Knoxville

It's... It's a show about people with more balls than a bowling alley. Sure. It's people who have achieved great things while thumbing their nose at naysayers, established thought, failure, personal safety, and gravity.

0
💬 0

3690.297 - 3701.143 Sean Hayes

Yeah, I love that. I love the press release that says, for people who have done things that have never been done until someone did them. Yeah. That's pretty good writing, huh? Yeah, it's pretty good.

0
💬 0

3702.583 - 3727.112 Will Arnett

And I will say, Knoxville, you've got some history with this. You've obviously spent some time in between, you know, over the years doing shit that other people won't do, stuff that seems really scary and gnarly. Yeah. So I can see it. But, Ella, how much of an appetite do you have for doing shit that you're not, you didn't think... People could do yeah, I mean to an extent.

0
💬 0

3727.232 - 3747.952 Elna Baker

I mean I grew up Mormon, so I wasn't allowed to do anything and So like for me, I guess it wasn't like being brave in terms of like jumping off a cliff But it was like leaving a religion giving hand jobs like there were you know there were the things that I that was the first thing That's why I joined

0
💬 0

3750.353 - 3754.296 Johnny Knoxville

Well, that's what led you to leave, ultimately, one of the things, right? You were 28?

0
💬 0

3760.762 - 3762.583 Elna Baker

That is true, yeah.

0
💬 0

3762.623 - 3768.788 Will Arnett

And was touching the penis the thing that opened the... Yes, it was. That was the gateway? Penis was the gateway drug?

0
💬 0

3768.808 - 3771.871 Elna Baker

The penis was the gateway, yeah.

0
💬 0

3771.991 - 3776.475 Will Arnett

When did you have your first Coke? Coca-Cola. Like Coca-Cola? Coca-Cola.

0
💬 0

3778.036 - 3780.64 Johnny Knoxville

Otherwise she was going to say 8 a.m.

0
💬 0

3781.962 - 3791.515 Elna Baker

I was like, we were the kind of Mormons who drank Coca-Cola, but I didn't have my first coffee until I was 28. And I remember like being so afraid to order it just because I didn't know how to say the word.

0
💬 0

3791.535 - 3792.276 Travis Pastrana

Wait, so everything happened at 28?

0
💬 0

3792.676 - 3797.101 Elna Baker

Everything, because I left at 28. Yeah, once I touched a dick, I was, you know.

0
💬 0

3797.281 - 3806.95 Sean Hayes

Yeah, tell me about it. Yeah, tell me about it. Catholicism, same thing. So wait, did you, do you still have family members in the church?

0
💬 0

3807.09 - 3808.691 Elna Baker

Everyone, yeah. Everyone is still a woman.

0
💬 0

3808.711 - 3809.692 Sean Hayes

Do you have a good relationship?

0
💬 0

3809.972 - 3811.232 Elna Baker

Decent, yeah, great, yeah.

0
💬 0

3811.673 - 3813.493 Sean Hayes

Johnny, what about you? Well, it started with decent.

0
💬 0

3813.553 - 3820.295 Will Arnett

I mean, I'd love to dig into that a little bit. You open with decent. I'm going to take your word on it.

0
💬 0

3820.355 - 3823.156 Elna Baker

I realize they might hear this. Wonderful relationship.

0
💬 0

3823.176 - 3829.098 Will Arnett

By the way, if they're listening to this, then they're lapsed, and then they're just as guilty as you are, and now the playing field is level.

0
💬 0

3829.118 - 3832.859 Sean Hayes

Yeah. But, Johnny, what denomination did you grow up in? Catholicism?

0
💬 0

3833.059 - 3860.886 Johnny Knoxville

Oh, Southern Baptist. It was intense. Oh, that's right. I knew that. Yeah. That's right. Was it hardcore? Yeah. Well, I didn't realize how intense it was at the time. But, you know, it's not like the Pentecostals who handle snakes. But, you know, in Southern Baptist, you're not supposed to dance or, you know. But my parents didn't believe in it. They weren't that strict. Right.

0
💬 0

3861.727 - 3868.77 Will Arnett

But if you hit the Pentecostals, they could maybe be on an episode of Pretty Sure I Can Fly because if they're handling snakes... Oh, yeah.

0
💬 0

3868.91 - 3874.853 Sean Hayes

There you go. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying being so repressed makes you want to go take these risks later on in life. Oh, totally.

0
💬 0

3874.933 - 3891.117 Elna Baker

I mean, that's one of the things that, like, I love about interviewing the different people we've interviewed is, like... I remember this sports writer telling me that, like, all the greatest athletes had some primal wound, and that thing that happened in their childhood is what makes them, like, achieve or even try.

0
💬 0

3891.137 - 3891.778 Travis Pastrana

For sure.

0
💬 0

3891.798 - 3915.509 Elna Baker

And so many of these people that we've talked to, like, you find out, oh, like, you know, Manny Puig, who, you know, you've seen on Jackass and who Johnny knows, like, I had no idea that, like, his father was killed by a firing squad in Cuba. Yeah. Like, the origins of what made him do these insane, brave things came from, like, something really deep and real.

0
💬 0

3915.649 - 3933.027 Elna Baker

Or, like, Garrett McNamara, who's the 100-foot wave guy. He learned about his child. It's bonkers. Like, he basically, like, at one point, his mother was this hippie, but she put him in this cult. A lot of cults. A lot of cults, but the sort of the most memorable.

0
💬 0

3933.167 - 3934.128 Will Arnett

He was in many cults?

0
💬 0

3934.288 - 3955.187 Elna Baker

Many cults, but the one they had to renounce all their possessions. He and his brother had to wear bed sheets. They just walked around. They had to beg for everything. They couldn't buy anything. And it was just so humiliating to be walking the streets in Berkeley in these outfits begging for things.

0
💬 0

3955.507 - 3955.987 Sean Hayes

That's amazing.

0
💬 0

3956.007 - 3959.649 Elna Baker

And these backstories are like what get them to do these things.

0
💬 0

3959.689 - 3962.83 Sean Hayes

Yeah, it's incredible. Johnny, have any of these stories inspired you to try something?

0
💬 0

3964.451 - 3974.636 Johnny Knoxville

Well, I'm a little, you know, I'm a little slow on the uptake. So I'm trying to not do things anymore. I'm trying to overcome my, you know,

0
💬 0

3976.147 - 3980.75 Will Arnett

Addiction to put yourself in dangerous situations?

0
💬 0

3981.311 - 3982.392 Johnny Knoxville

It did become an addiction.

0
💬 0

3982.412 - 3996.703 Will Arnett

It must. It must. Was there a thing, like, was there like a common trait that you noticed in a lot of these people that you, other than the childhood, a lot of them came from difficult childhoods. Anything else that sort of gave them that fearlessness?

0
💬 0

3997.085 - 4009.569 Johnny Knoxville

I think the, yeah, it's, if there's a through line for people on the show, it's bravery and being colorful. And these people are extremely determined.

0
💬 0

4009.589 - 4010.149 Elna Baker

Yeah.

0
💬 0

4010.949 - 4013.03 Johnny Knoxville

Very determined. Wow.

0
💬 0

4013.59 - 4019.534 Elna Baker

And usually, I mean, like, it's complicated, though, right? Because, like, you're talking about, like, adrenaline junkies, right?

0
💬 0

4019.755 - 4021.316 Johnny Knoxville

Right, right, right.

0
💬 0

4021.636 - 4040.029 Elna Baker

Some are. Some, like, get in and then kind of become addicted, and then they're trying to accomplish something great, but they're also, like, putting their— I mean, you're a perfect example, Johnny. Like, you— Put your life on the— Yeah, you kept putting your life on the line and then ultimately, like, suffered a traumatic brain injury.

0
💬 0

4040.529 - 4047.774 Elna Baker

So, like, there's this level at which, like, you're on the razor's edge of, like, admiring and also being like, you guys should stop.

0
💬 0

4048.274 - 4055.178 Will Arnett

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sean wants to know, I'm just asking, he doesn't want to embarrass himself, can you get a traumatic brain injury from watching TV every night?

0
💬 0

4055.799 - 4057.019 Sean Hayes

You can, but it's...

0
💬 0

4058.42 - 4081.228 Will Arnett

But look at me. I'm still here. Hey, Sean, have you seen 100-Foot Wave, by the way? No. You have to watch this. And it's by that guy, Garrett McNamara. I definitely told you about it. I'm writing it down right now. Watching what these big wave surfers do, not just Garrett, but all those guys. When I see those guys, when they're like, man, there's a storm coming to Portugal, to Nazare.

0
💬 0

4081.649 - 4100.4 Will Arnett

We got to get there. We've got 48 hours. We need to get there because there's a fucking crazy storm. And I need to get on a surfboard and have a dude tow me in behind a ski-do so I can get on the storm waves. And I'm thinking like, I'm looking for the closest restaurant that's got a happy hour.

0
💬 0

4100.42 - 4119.689 Sean Hayes

I was just going to say, I'm looking for the next... You know, what kind of, what do they have on draft? I'm looking for the next Harry Potter movie. Yeah, man. You know, crazy. But yeah, that's insane. Wait, so are you guys, is it fun? Have you guys been having a good time? Like, is it like, it's got to be fascinating to learn all these stories. They sound incredible. It's so fascinating.

0
💬 0

4119.709 - 4131.914 Johnny Knoxville

Yeah, I mean, just talking to Ty Stokes, who was on the Jamaican founding member of the Jamaican bobsled team, the real story behind that team is so much more interesting than the movie. Uh-huh.

0
💬 0

4132.194 - 4133.675 Will Arnett

Cool Runnings?

0
💬 0

4133.695 - 4136.435 Elna Baker

Yeah. Cool Runnings butchered it. Like, the actual story.

0
💬 0

4136.455 - 4144.818 Will Arnett

No, wait. Now, you're telling me that the Disney movie Cool Runnings that was trying to capitalize on the Jamaican bobsled team, it wasn't true?

0
💬 0

4144.858 - 4146.619 Elna Baker

I'm sorry to take this away from you.

0
💬 0

4147.432 - 4148.974 Johnny Knoxville

Really? That's great. Cool story?

0
💬 0

4148.994 - 4150.797 Elna Baker

Oh, it's an insane story.

0
💬 0

4151.197 - 4159.849 Johnny Knoxville

He got put on this team like a mere months before the Olympics started. They didn't have a bobsled. They didn't have a bobsled track.

0
💬 0

4160.25 - 4161.251 Elna Baker

They'd never been on ice before.

0
💬 0

4162.131 - 4176.485 Johnny Knoxville

Yeah, they didn't have a place to train. They didn't even get to go down a bobsled down the, what do you call it? The hill or whatever? The track. Like, what, two or three weeks before the Olympics for the first time? Are you serious? Yeah. How did they qualify?

0
💬 0

4176.505 - 4181.45 Will Arnett

Sean, do you know this? They ended up training for months. They trained on daiquiris. They would go.

0
💬 0

4185.913 - 4190.874 Sean Hayes

So stupid. How do they qualify? Anyway, you know what? We're going to listen to the podcast. That's what we're going to find out.

0
💬 0

4190.894 - 4191.614 Will Arnett

We're going to listen to it.

0
💬 0

4191.734 - 4206.117 Sean Hayes

I can't wait. It's called Pretty Sure I Can Fly. It's Johnny Knoxville and Elna Baker together again. You guys make such a great pair. The show sounds so awesome. I truly can't wait to listen to it. It is available right now on whatever podcast platform you're currently listening to. Yeah.

0
💬 0

4206.398 - 4208.978 Will Arnett

Thank you. Thank you so much, Johnny and Elna.

0
💬 0

4209.218 - 4210.078 Johnny Knoxville

All right. Thank you.

0
💬 0

4210.378 - 4210.838 Sean Hayes

Thank you.

0
💬 0

4210.878 - 4212.939 Johnny Knoxville

Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot. We appreciate it.

0
💬 0

4213.848 - 4219.812 Sean Hayes

We're about to play a clip from Pretty Sure I Can Fly. Follow Pretty Sure I Can Fly on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

0
💬 0

4227.578 - 4228.879 Johnny Knoxville

Ladies and gentlemen, Travis Pastrana.

0
💬 0

4228.899 - 4237.686 Sean Hayes

Everybody in this house is now standing up and cheering on the 199. Go, Travis! Go, Travis!

0
💬 0

4239.144 - 4249.11 Elna Baker

Can you tell me the story of the double backflip? Because that to me was also, I mean, I got chills in that moment in the movie, but I would love to hear you tell me the story.

0
💬 0

4249.13 - 4271.526 Hubert

There's very few times. in your life where something that means so much to you means so much to a group around you and even more rare that it means that much to the world. I still have, people tell me almost once a week, I get someone that still remembers where they were at that moment. You know, my grandma and all her friends watch it. It's live on TV.

0
💬 0

4272.046 - 4281.434 Hubert

My mom was crying because she had known that, you know, I'm about 75% into the phone pit, but if it comes around short, there's a really good chance of a broken neck or

0
💬 0

4282.602 - 4311.668 Hubert

paralyzed or it was a really cool moment and even up until you did it it seemed like was it really like I don't know if I'm gonna go through with it or not and the reason like we were just explaining like you always say I'm in or I'm out the reason this was such a tough decision for me and I think the reason that it got built up more was because I was on the fence on this I have an opportunity to go out there and try a trick that I've been working for for three four years but I'm sitting third so I'm like if I don't do a double backflip I still get a medal yeah

0
💬 0

4312.108 - 4335.348 Hubert

I still get paid, which is going to really help everything else that I've been putting into to rally. And is my goal to be a freestyle motocross rider or is my goal to continue on in action sports and to have a career that's going to expand hopefully longer? And it worked out in rally. And I said, you know what? I'm both. I said, I'm going to land this trick.

0
💬 0

4335.908 - 4340.389 Hubert

And went out there and decided, like, literally last second, played rock, paper, scissors with my redneck friend, Hubert.

0
💬 0

4340.589 - 4342.75 Elna Baker

Wait, the deciding factor was?

0
💬 0

4342.77 - 4343.69 Hubert

It was a rock, paper, scissors.

0
💬 0

4344.23 - 4346.571 Elna Baker

Oh, my God. It came down to that?

0
💬 0

4347.151 - 4354.792 Hubert

Right before I went up there, Hubert, we went rock, paper, scissors. I gave thumbs up to basically Sal and the guys. And they're like, all right. They raised the ramp.

0
💬 0

4355.533 - 4357.493 Elna Baker

And no one has ever done this before.

0
💬 0

4358.542 - 4368.772 Hubert

At that time, I had done it to a sandpile in a controlled environment. That was a big step up. So if you came up short or didn't make it, it sucked, but it was okay.

0
💬 0

4369.432 - 4369.672 Elna Baker

Yeah.

0
💬 0

4370.093 - 4384.646 Hubert

It was a hard surface that day, right? It was just blue groove. It was pretty much worst case scenario for me. We took the ramp that was already existing and then raised it on two by fours. And it looked like something we'd built in our backyard for like a... you know, when we were five years old.

0
💬 0

4385.066 - 4392.931 Hubert

And it's like, you know, my dad's out there like strapping the ramp down and trying to get it so it doesn't move because if the ramp falls over, then I'm definitely going to

0
💬 0

4393.857 - 4396.379 Elna Baker

So you're up there, and you're about to go.

0
💬 0

4396.399 - 4419 Hubert

Yeah, it was one of the coolest experiences ever. Got up there, and the guy that drops me in, he gave me a thumbs up. He said, it's on you. Take your time. And I looked around, and every single person was on their feet. Entire sold-out Staples Center. All of my heroes. You had Kevin Robinson. You had Chad Keggy. They were holding hands.

0
💬 0

4419.48 - 4437.125 Hubert

I had Brian Deegan, all the militia was all down there looking. You know, it was one of the coolest experiences. And I just, I remember inside my helmet smiling. And when I dropped in, everything kind of went to slow motion. Usually you get a slow motion if anyone's crashed a car or been in a really bad, like where you think everything's going bad.

0
💬 0

4437.605 - 4457.615 Hubert

I've never had slow motion where I took off and I can remember the smells. I can remember the sounds. I can remember... Everything was so vivid. And, you know, I came around on the first pull and I checked the landing. And I remember thinking, you know, as Trevor Jacobs said later, he's like, oh, you can't check. And I'm like, oh, no, now I'm short. And I whip my head back and I see the lights.

0
💬 0

4458.135 - 4476.548 Hubert

So when you practice this trick, you know, in the foam pit, you have, you know, you got the sky above you and then the ground. But on this day, you've got blinding lights where you can't see anything straight ahead of you. And then below you is kind of dark. And I just remember kind of... just smiling again. I'm like, well, I'm all in. I can't get out of this now.

0
💬 0

4477.329 - 4493.378 Hubert

And I came around and, like, literally hit, couldn't have hit better. And I was just like, what the heck just happened? I dropped down and dropped the bike, and I run up, and the first person there was just some drunk guy out of the stands that just overpowered the security and gave me a big hug up top. I'm like, I don't even know you, but yes, let's go.

0
💬 0

4493.458 - 4493.538 Travis Pastrana

Oh!

0
💬 0

4503.198 - 4508.383 Johnny Knoxville

Are you kidding me? How many times can you find the Holy Grail in one building?

0
💬 0

4508.843 - 4513.507 Hubert

A double backflip from Travis Pastrana.

0
💬 0

4515.309 - 4516.089 Travis Pastrana

That was pretty cool.

0
💬 0

4516.81 - 4536.947 Johnny Knoxville

I was at home watching it live, and it was like I had tears going down my cheeks like the end of Old Yeller because it was such an amazing moment and so memorable. Yeah, I was blown away. You think that's the biggest moment of your career? Moment that the world felt what I felt.

0
💬 0

4541.849 - 4548.631 Sean Hayes

You can listen to Pretty Sure I Can Fly early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

0
💬 0
Comments

There are no comments yet.

Please log in to write the first comment.