Elna Baker
Appearances
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I mean I grew up Mormon, so I wasn't allowed to do anything and So like for me, I guess it wasn't like being brave in terms of like jumping off a cliff But it was like leaving a religion giving hand jobs like there were you know there were the things that I that was the first thing That's why I joined
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I was like, we were the kind of Mormons who drank Coca-Cola, but I didn't have my first coffee until I was 28. And I remember like being so afraid to order it just because I didn't know how to say the word.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Everything, because I left at 28. Yeah, once I touched a dick, I was, you know.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
I mean, that's one of the things that, like, I love about interviewing the different people we've interviewed is, like... I remember this sports writer telling me that, like, all the greatest athletes had some primal wound, and that thing that happened in their childhood is what makes them, like, achieve or even try.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And so many of these people that we've talked to, like, you find out, oh, like, you know, Manny Puig, who, you know, you've seen on Jackass and who Johnny knows, like, I had no idea that, like, his father was killed by a firing squad in Cuba. Yeah. Like, the origins of what made him do these insane, brave things came from, like, something really deep and real.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Or, like, Garrett McNamara, who's the 100-foot wave guy. He learned about his child. It's bonkers. Like, he basically, like, at one point, his mother was this hippie, but she put him in this cult. A lot of cults. A lot of cults, but the sort of the most memorable.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Many cults, but the one they had to renounce all their possessions. He and his brother had to wear bed sheets. They just walked around. They had to beg for everything. They couldn't buy anything. And it was just so humiliating to be walking the streets in Berkeley in these outfits begging for things.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
And usually, I mean, like, it's complicated, though, right? Because, like, you're talking about, like, adrenaline junkies, right?
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Some are. Some, like, get in and then kind of become addicted, and then they're trying to accomplish something great, but they're also, like, putting their— I mean, you're a perfect example, Johnny. Like, you— Put your life on the— Yeah, you kept putting your life on the line and then ultimately, like, suffered a traumatic brain injury.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
So, like, there's this level at which, like, you're on the razor's edge of, like, admiring and also being like, you guys should stop.
SmartLess
"Larry David"
Can you tell me the story of the double backflip? Because that to me was also, I mean, I got chills in that moment in the movie, but I would love to hear you tell me the story.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
My friend Michelle Buteau is one of the most audacious, ballsy people I know, and she brings this attitude into all aspects of her life, including relationships. This is a story about her and her boyfriend. It starts in the 90s, when she was 18, going to college, living in Miami.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And, as college students do, she adopted a new, cool persona for herself, one that wore dark lipstick, cargo pants, and danced in reggae clubs every weekend.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Was that a moment where you're like, this is fate. I mean, not only did I go to this club.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
In case you're thinking, drug dealer? Red flag. He was barely a drug dealer. He dealt weed. Nearly every woman I know has dated a weed dealer. They quickly got serious, and he was Michelle's first big relationship. He was funny, smart, they had good banter, and he was this incredibly accepting person.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Made her feel comfortable, confident about her body and about sex, which she'd never really felt before. She imagined a real future with him.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Yeah, the American dream. Fast forward three years into the relationship. Their lives are totally entwined. Their families are close. They vacation together. It was that point of no return place in a relationship where you're just like, here it is. This is it. But there was this one thing that seemed sort of off. A lack of photographic evidence. No pictures of himself as a kid.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Specifically, no school pictures. No prom picture. Even his mom didn't have any shots of him. It was just weird. And then one night.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Their entire relationship flashed before her eyes. One moment after another. Suddenly, it all made sense.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
When you stop and think about it, the fact that he'd been able to navigate the world convincingly and keep this from Michelle for over three years, it was an incredible feat. He must have been covering this up constantly.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
She was not going to allow this obstacle to push them apart. She jumped into action. This was before you could Google everything. So Michelle went to the library and did research on adult literacy. She broke it down into manageable steps and wrote out a timeline for him.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I get it. Michelle's dyslexic and her boyfriend didn't have a learning disability. But still, she could empathize with how hard it can be to read. And at first, Michelle's boyfriend was totally on board with the plan. But after a year of Michelle offering him solutions, he still hadn't taken any action. It just seemed like he didn't want to. He got around the world just fine without reading.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
She started realizing, oh, wait, his illiteracy was a way bigger problem for her than it was for him. And it really started pushing them apart.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
It started to bleed its way into every moment they shared together. Like she could never fully relax anymore. Even when they were happy, she'd snap herself out of it and think, wait, no, no. We're forgetting that there's this huge looming problem. And we've got to fix it before everything can be okay. She started to resent him.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Well, in a sense, it actually like it made the relationship last longer because everything became about him reading. And so if you could just crack that or fix that, then maybe it would work out.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
That's the promise of an obstacle. You feel like all you have to do is conquer it, and you get your happy ending. How would it play out in a rom-com?
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Amazing. See, I was imagining that he would, like, greet you at the airport with, like, a sign that he had handwritten himself that was like, Michelle, I can read now.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And he's worked so hard behind your back secretly going to night school the whole time. Aw.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Okay, she wasn't a stripper, but she was sleeping with Michelle's boyfriend. Michelle suspects that the entire time she was struggling to get him to read, he was cheating on her. She was so focused on the obstacle she thought they were facing, she totally missed it. Of course, as rom-coms go, the thing missing from this story is calm.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
At least until Michelle started doing stand-up and figured out how to tell it on stage. When did you decide, like, this story's funny, I'm going to put it in my act?
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
In her act, she even talks about how great it feels to tell this story on stage.